70 60
AUGUST 19, 2021 | The Jewish Home OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Dating Dialogue
What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
My daughter is in the parsha and we have a big problem. When I try to explain to shadchanim that my daughter wants a yeshivish guy who will want to work and support a family, I’m looked at as an alien. The people my husband and I know who have married long-term learning guys are really struggling. Many of the husbands eventually have burned out and don’t feel respected because they are not providing for their families and their wives are overwhelmed and look unhappy. We have relatives like this. It starts out idealistic but becomes chaos when they’re married for four years with three kids in a one-bedroom apartment with no way to provide in sight.
My daughter wants a yeshivish guy who will work and provide a parnassa – but when we tell shadchanim this, she is set up with very modern boys. What can we do to help our daughter? Another conversation we wish to spark is the following: How can the rabbeim say that serious yeshiva boys should not work? My husband and I truly believe men need to provide! Whether it be working in limudei kodesh or chol, to feel fulfilled as a man and not fall into bad habits which we have seen in many floundering yeshiva boys over the past decade who sit in the bais medrash as bench warmers. I do believe it’s beautiful for guys to learn but I also believe a guy can be a talmid chochom and support his family. How can we get the tides to turn? Thank you, Charna G.*
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
