COVER
A special thanks to Copy Editor, Maisha Parsons. COPYRIGHT INFORMATION: Print ISSN: 1946-6420; E-ISSN: 1946-6439; ZAKAR MAGAZINE is published by T.J. COMMUNICATIONS INC. (P.O. Box 440981, Kennesaw, GA 30160) www.zakarmagazine.com Š 2010, T.J. Communications, Inc. Reproduction in whole or in part is prohibited without written permission. The information contained herein has been obtained from sources believed to be reliable; however, the information provided is not meant to replace licensed professionals but is to be used alongside. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the publisher. Printed in the U.S.A. All rights reserved. For reprints, contact www.zakarmagazine.com.
Life Departments SPIRITUAL GROWTH & DEVELOPMENT Living and Loving
1
Having It All
3
P H YS I C A L B O DY Fitness Article
5
Salmon Article
7
Hair Article
9
Beauty Aesthetic
11
Q & A with Designer
13
R E L AT I O N S H I P S Communication/Couples
15
CAREER Pursuing Your Freedom
17
Professional Woman
19
EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING Red Carpet LIVING INSIDE
21
Designing Tips For Your Bedroom
23
Letter From The Editor Welcome to Zakar! It’s time to live life, red carpet ready inside and out every, single day! My theme this year has centered on ‘red carpet’ readiness for our lives as women and this special issue of ZAKAR MAGAZINE is packed full of articles, tips, recipes, and thoughts on red carpet living! Our lives are so busy, so hectic, so overwhelmed, it can be hard to take care of yourself in a holistic manner, that’s why I created Zakar. I wanted women (and men) to have coaches, support and empowerment in their seven core areas of life all in one place. This issue is loaded with articles on emotional well-being, spiritual growth, relationships and fashion. Freely enjoy Zakar and then be sure to pass this issue along to all of your friends, colleagues and associates…all of those in your world who you know will benefit from life-coaching, encouragement and support in their lives. I’d love to hear what you think, email me at zakarmagazine@gmail.com with your comments, thoughts and ideas about Zakar. Here’s to red carpet living every single day!
Enjoy!
Jennifer Keitt Jennifer Keitt Publisher/Editor Zakar Magazine
Live To Love! By Vikki Johnson
Whatever you believe rules your life. Not what you say, not what you do ~ but what you believe. Change what you believe and you will change your life. Love is our highest endeavor. Our lives are evaluated by how much or how little we love. At the end of the day, we all want to experience and give love more than anything else. We want to know the mystery and power of love, to receive it inside our hearts, and ultimately to give it to others. Love is much more than good feelings or intentions. Love has direction, movement, and purpose. Genuine love involves the heart, soul, and mind. What we go through in the name of love, for the sake of love shows up in other areas of our lives. Life is all about love. However, life nor love require us to give up our dignity, self-worth, or our authentic selves. You cannot get love from the outside until you are love on the inside. Somehow, we’ve come to expect from people what we can only get from God. The truth is, love is supportive and nurturing, not aggressive or demanding. Love expands, gives, and heals. If you don’t love yourself, you will never attract people who truly love you. You already have what you need inside of you and its love, strength, courage, wisdom, honor, justice, and peace. YOU ARE NOT AN ACCIDENT! You are supposed to be here. God made you to love you. You are the object of God’s love and affection. Your life has profound meaning and you were created to have profound impact. There is no one else like you. Your identity comes from God. You belong to God. Who you are is not based on what you do. That means when you no longer do what you DO, you will still BE who you are to God which is the “Apple of His Eye”.
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“You are supposed to be here. God made you to love you. You are the object of God’s love and affection.”
Go ahead and make those decisions. God will work out the details. Counterfeit peace is worse than no peace at all because you live in fear knowing that at any moment it can change. Today is your day. Today is the first day of the best days of your life. Arise! Shine! You are the light of His glory. In the face of adversity, uncertainty and conflicting sensory information, commit to remain mindful of the magical, infinite, loving reality in which you live. A reality that if you give it a chance, will conspire tirelessly in your favor. Thoughts become things. Dreams do come true and ALL things remain forever possible. Resolve to LIVE, LOVE, and LAUGH at all costs my sister. You can live your life on the Red Carpet daily ~ yes daily ~ because you are a D.I.V.A. ~ Divine, Intelligent, Valuable, Anointed and the best is yet to come in your life.
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Does God Want Me To Have It All? By Bridgette Simmons ‘Look at her! She’s got the house, the perfect husband, beautiful kids. Even the family dog is cuter than most! She really has it all!’ So many women find themselves having this dialogue with their girlfriends. We all have admired both men and women – famous and regular people – because he or she seemingly had it all. But what does having it all really mean? What does it really look like? Is it possible to have it all? Once you get it “all”, then what do you do? For many women having it all is the husband, the 2.3 kids, the white picket fence and a dog. We sometimes feel that once we achieve this milestone, that’s where paradise begins. We look at other women who are in this desirable situation and wonder, ‘why does SHE get to have it all?’ But we often do not know what it took for her to get there. We don’t know how much effort it takes to keep it all together. All the while, she could be looking at you; the single, successful woman who lives alone, free of rules and crying children, and she’s thinking YOU have it all! So then who determines whether one has it all or not? Is there some type of hooding ceremony as if you’ve just graduated from regular-dom to the world of got-it-going-on?
Where did this notion come from anyway? That there is such a thing as having it all, as if life has some sort of finish line. What happens when you reach that point of having it all? Do you then start over? Perhaps the goal of having it all is some ethereal notion that we spend our lives reaching for, however, we don’t actually. But we get close! Is the standard for having it all those people who have super-wealth and fame? Turn on the TV and it is not difficult to find famous people who appear perfect. The key word here is appear. They have the money, the fame, and the private jets. Photos in magazines are airbrushed to perfection. However, how many of these having-it-all stars have you seen die a tragic death? Or check in and out of rehab? The lights of Hollywood can blind us onlookers to the reality that often these stars are leading a miserable existence. I wonder if the definition of having it all changes then. Perhaps having it all brings with it too much pressure. It is easy to envy what we see from the outside when in actuality the inside is, in some cases, crumbling. This is why it is dangerous to gauge your success or failure on someone else’s life. The beauty of life is God has given us each unique journeys. No two paths are alike.
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Here in Matthew we find 5 clear steps to follow: Step 1: Don’t Worry About Anything Easier said than done, I know!
Step 2: Pray About Everything Don’t leave anything out! As soon as you begin to worry take it to God in prayer!
Step 3: Tell God What You Need He already knows, but He wants you to talk to Him
Step 4: Then You Will Experience God’s Peace It will be so peaceful, YOU won’t even understand it!
Step 5: His Peace Will Guard Your Heart & Mind As You Live In Christ Jesus No one can touch this heavenly peace you’ve got going on!
Having it all is what God has purposed for your life. It is a standard that He set before you were even born! It should not be dictated or determined by anyone other than you. It should be a level of excellence, peace and joy that you strive for based on your strengths, weaknesses, faith and your heart’s desires. Not to mention that God said it in His word! In fact He mentions having what you want a few times, with faith being the main ingredient in the recipe for receiving all that you desire. As believers we should not worry if our needs will be met. The scripture tells us in Matthew 4:6-7 don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
The Lord also tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 that there is a season for everything: To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up what has been planted; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up. If you look at the way God designed the delicious fruits and vegetables that grow, He has a season for those items. You are not able to get fresh, sweet strawberries year-round! You have to wait on those strawberries to be in season before you can enjoy the sweetness. The same is true for your life! The dream of a business thriving may be in season for someone you know while it may be your season to sow that seed. Plant it, water it, and go to God about it in prayer. One thing is for sure, you must wait for your season! It will surely come around as God promised. Can you really have it all? Yes! However, know that it takes faith and time. Run the race and enjoy life, comparing yours to no one. Know that God has ordered your steps and as you walk with Him, you will notice the seasons change. Do you have joy? Peace? YES, you can have it all…just not all at once! Life is like a chocolate cake – would you sit down and eat all of it in one sitting? If you did, the consequences may not leave you feeling or looking great afterward! YES, the cake is yours to eat, but not all at once! Take your time. Enjoy each bite as it comes. And don’t worry about what your neighbor’s cake looks like. You’ve got your perfect flavor sitting right in front of you! Savor each bite!
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Red Carpet Fitness In Three Steps! By: Saint Day Adeogba, Fitness Coach, www.yourday.profile.com
Tip 1 The summer time is all about shed-
WATE R !
ding excess clothing and allowing our
Try a water only fast for one whole day every week (with your Doctor’s permission). Fasting can really help you with two things: build the strength to detach from the cravings of your appetite and it gives your body a rest so that it can automatically cleanse itself. When your body doesn’t have to digest food for a period of 24hrs, it then turns on the toxins that are invading your body. Keep in mind that this is not recommended for people who are suffering from Bulimia and Anorexia. Check with your Physician to make sure you can handle a water fast for one day a week.
bodies to breath! When it comes to being Red Carpet Ready, it’s all about wearing your dress instead of it wearing you. Here are 3 simple tips that you can do immediately to have your body ready for your Red Carpet Summer!
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Tip 2
Tip 3
EXERCISE!
THINK DIFFE R E NTLY !
Do squats, bridge holds and push-ups. And walk two miles everyday – 5 days a week. These four exercises will do more for you then every machine in the gym!
Think loving thoughts about yourself. Your subconscious programming is powerful. Each and every one of us have anywhere from 40,000 to 60,000 conscious thoughts per day. Many of these thoughts are repetitive in nature thus confirming and reaffirming our subconscious beliefs. Your health and fitness is a result of those subconscious beliefs. Think of healthy and loving habits because habits create lifestyles. Think about this—the first 4 letters of lifestyle are LIFE but the first 3 letters of diet—spell DIE! I will let you put the pieces together! When you start putting these tips into practice, you can prepare yourself for the ‘media frenzy’ that will form outside of your house just to capture the pictures of your awesomeness!
The squats will tone those red carpet legs. Stand with legs shoulder length apart and extend your arms straight in front of you. Proceed to act as if you are sitting down on a chair and when your bottom touches the ‘chair,’ stand back up. I recommend doing three sets of 25 squats. The bridge hold will teach you how to draw in your abs to create that red carpet stomach. Place your elbows and knees on the floor. When you are ready, raise your knees off of the ground allowing only your elbows and toes to be in contact with the floor. I recommend holding the bridge hold for one-minute. Push-ups will help you build beautiful chest and tricep muscles. And depending on your strength level, you can do push-ups standing up and facing the wall; with both hands and knees in contact with the ground or with only your hands and toes in contact with the ground. I recommend doing 3 sets of 10 push-ups each time.
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www.ChefJamika.com 1. Salmon.
2. Garlic.
Salmon not only tastes delicious, but it is heart
So stinky, yet so beneficial. Garlic is
healthy, high in protein, and low in calories. Its es-
like the wonder drug of foods because
sential omega 3 fatty acids, aid in heart health and
it helps in so many areas. For example,
increases circulation in your systems. Foods like
garlic helps equalize blood pressure and
salmon that are rich in oils and healthy fats also give
strengthen your immune system to fight off harmful
your skin and hair a healthier looking glow and shine.
germs. Garlic is also an amazing ingredient when prepar-
Some other foods containing omega 3 fatty acids
ing meals high in flavor and low in fat and calories. If you
include tuna, avocado, and canola oil.
are worried about your breath, simply suck on a lemon wedge after a garlicky meal and no one will ever notice.
3. Nuts. Although nuts are considered high in fat and calories, they are still part of a heart healthy diet and assist in weight lose. When eaten in moderation, nuts offer an amazing source of fiber, iron, and protein. Nuts also increase energy levels when you need that extra boost at the end of the day. Some of the best nuts to include in your diet are almonds, peanuts, cashews, pistachios, pine nuts, and walnuts.
4. Blueberries.
5. Water.
Blueberries are loaded with antioxidants that help
I can’t say enough about the benefits of drinking water. Water
make you look and feel younger. They have also been
helps your outer and inner appearances. It maintains your
proven to preserve vision and promote brain power.
bodily functions as well as moisturizes your skin, hair, and
Incorporating blueberries in your salads, drinks, and
scalp. The more active you are, the more water your body
desserts can also help improve your mood because
will need daily. If you have trouble consuming your appropri-
they are an awesome anti-depressant.
ate amount of water each day, begin by watering down your juices and other beverages. Keep a bottle of water around you throughout the day and take a sip every chance you get.
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Special Red Carpet Salmon Recipe From Chef Jamika! Hawaiian Glazed Salmon •
2- 6 oz. Salmon filets, skin off
•
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
•
1 lime, juiced
•
2 tablespoons Sweet Chili Sauce (found in the Asian cooking section of the grocery store)
•
1 tablespoon soy sauce
•
1/2 cup pineapple juice
•
1 tablespoon olive oil
In a small bowl, mix together mustard, lime juice, chili sauce, soy sauce, and pineapple juice to create marinade. Reserve about 1/2 cup of marinade for later use. Pour remaining marinade mixture over salmon filets in a plastic bag. Seal and marinate for 20-30 minutes in refrigerator. In a non-stick sauté pan, heat olive oil over high heat. Place salmon filets in pan and sear approximately 2-3 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Salmon will be slightly pink or medium on the inside. For more well done salmon, lower temperature to medium low and continue to cook longer. Remove from pan once salmon is to your desired doneness. In the same pan, pour in reserved marinade. Allow marinade to come to a boil and slightly thicken (approximately 1-2 minutes), while stirring occasionally. Spoon over top of salmon as a glaze. Makes 2 servings. Serve over rice or fresh salad.
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What About My Hair?! By Angela Phoenix, Hair Stylist
Tips For Keeping Your Hair ‘Red Carpet Ready’ Everyday When you think of a Red Carpet affair, what comes to mind? The usual thoughts are that of lights, cameras, spotlights, pictures and everyone who touches the carpet looking fabulous. Many people who have graced a Red Carpet affair have taken weeks, even months preparing for the very moment when the spotlight will be on them. Every woman is impeccably dressed from head to toe. Well, I am here to tell you that you don’t have to be going to a Red Carpet event in order to look like you are. One of the most important things about a woman’s attitude, disposition and confidence day in and day out has a lot to do with her appearance and, more importantly, her hair. It is so important for a woman to always feel like she is on the Red Carpet no matter what! There are several things happening in the world of hair today with the “Going Natural” phenomenon taking over hair salons, short and sassy cuts still a big hit and the tried and true relaxed hairstyles…with or without hair extensions or wigs.
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No matter which one of these categories you may fall in, I can assure you, you can look Red Carpet Ready each day by following a few different steps and having a couple of key items in your hair arsenal.
No one ever said being Red Carpet Ready was easy until NOW!
Here are several you can follow to guarantee you’ll always be Red Carpet Ready. Always have a great shampoo and conditioner. No matter what type of hair you have, it is essential to find a shampoo that is, preferably, Sulfate-free like the Moroccan Oil Shampoo and Conditioner, which all eviates stripping your hair of its natural oils and any color or highlights in the hair. Invest in a good ceramic iron, (I find FHi to be the best). Carry bobby and hair pins just in case you have to do a quick updo. A great tousled updo is always elegant and never out of style. Tigi Bed Head Hair Stick or KeraCare Styling Wax Stick are great to have to create a cute pixie look or help control your edges. Finally, be sure to have a vented brush and comb with a silk scarf to wrap your hair EVERY NIGHT, no exceptions, and a silk bonnet to seal the deal.
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Give God the FIRST 15 Minutes Of Your Friday Mornings on the TBW National Prayer Call Hosted By Jennifer Keitt, Founder/Host of TBW Radio Show, the TBW National Prayer Call is a unique experience in which women from all over the United States come together to pray for our lives as women, wives, sisters, daughters, mothers, business people, entrepreneurs, soulmates…and we pray for ourselves, our families, our places of employment, our leaders, our nation and world!
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Don’t miss this POWERFUL time! When we pray, GOD ANSWERS OUR PRAYERS!
Send us your prayer requests any-
TBW National Prayer Call Friday Mornings 6:00 am Eastern Time/5:00 Central Conference Call Number: 712-432-0075 PIN: 906019#
time: www.jenniferkeitt.com. Our powerful prayer warriors pray over every, single request received! Also, listen anytime to the prayer call at www.jenniferkeitt.com
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Red Carpet
Beautiful Skin Everyday! Finding Your Complete Aesthetic
Mycah Kirkland, theCompleteAesthetic@gmail.com. Looking back on childhood, many women fondly remember their early experiences with makeup. Whether it was that precious moment we were allowed to play in our mother’s makeup bag or the times we’d sneak behind the back of our older sister and try on their lipstick, makeup has long been regarded as one of the rites of passage into womanhood. How many of us thought “big girls wear makeup” or “all the pretty girls are wearing makeup”? Couple that with images of beauty portrayed on television and in magazines and a belief system is born. Looking back on that same childhood, how many of us fondly remember our early experiences with sun care? Did our mothers have sunscreen in their beauty bag? How about our older sisters? How many of us thought “big girls wear sunscreen” or “all the pretty girls are wearing sunscreen”? Why isn’t wearing sunscreen part of our personal complete aesthetic?
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Stay tuned. Statistically, Black women spend approximately 80% more on beauty products than any other ethnic group. That’s over 7 billion dollars annually. However, the amount of money spent on proper sun care is grossly disproportionate to the money spent on makeup and hair products.
One reason is the common belief that the melanin in African-American skin provides the only protection we’ll ever need from the sun. This belief is simply untrue. When skin cells sense a trauma, a reaction is triggered that sends melanin to the surface of the skin. This is evident when we have blemishes that leave dark spots - whether we’ve picked at them or not - or when we have a wound that heals but the scar stays with us indefinitely. Our bodies are responding to a recognized trauma. What many of us don’t realize is the body recognizes the sun as a trauma too. Sunscreen, in effect, “sits” on our skin cells and tells them that everything is okay; there’s no trauma to respond to, no cry for “help” prompting the release of more melanin.
How does that factor into the roughly 7.5 billion dollars spent annually by black women on cosmetics? Simply put: We can use all of the exfoliants, have all of the chemical peels and microdermabrasion, and wear all the of the makeup in the world, but unless we’re wearing sunscreen on a daily basis, our bodies will continue to grow those darkened cells. That’s why its imperative that we start wearing sunscreen now. The sun is only getting hotter; therefore, the sun-related conditions that we’re experiencing will only get worse. As a makeup artist, one of the chief goals that my clients have had over the years is covering hyperpigmentation. While makeup can do a beautiful job of covering hyperpigmentation, sunscreen in conjunction with adequate home care can help to eliminate it. See a Dermatologist or Aesthetician to jump start your skin goals. They can provide a home regimen that will address your specific skin concerns and will educate you on the best sunscreen for you. No concerns to speak of and just looking for a great sunscreen? Use a sunscreen that is “broad spectrum”. This will ensure that you are protected against the rays that burn as well as the rays that age you. Something to keep in mind: many sunscreens with a Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of higher than 30 use chemical sunblock and not a physical sunblock. If your skin tends to be sensitive or reactive, a broad spectrum with a lower SPF may be the best choice for you. Making sun care a part of our “beauty conversations” is imperative. Dispelling the cultural myth that sunscreen is not a necessity is something that we must all make a priority. Educating our children about the importance of sunscreen and getting them excited about wearing sunscreen today will save them both agony and money in the future. We are wonderfully made. By taking steps to complete our aesthetic, we can ensure the health and beauty of ourselves and our loved ones for years to come.
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Fashionistas!
An up-close and personal Q & A with Designer Antthony Hankins
What are the “must have” items for spring/summer? For spring/summer 2010, a woman must have a scarf – it is the most important fashion accessory – followed by chunky bracelets, and wedge-heel sandals.
What are the hot colors of the season? Yellow, berry, and lagoon blue. Bright and refreshing.
Many women were affected by the economy over the past few years. What advice do you give women shopping on a strict budget? Don’t buy clothes, build a wardrobe. Think of how you can incorporate the new pieces with the older pieces in your closet. Don’t just buy something because it is on sale; think of how it will enhance what you already own. Realistically, a lot of trends don’t work on most figure types; so, be careful to buy for your body type.
Every woman is willing to splurge on at least one fashion item. What big-ticket clothing item would you suggest she choose? The Maxi Dress! I love them. Another great item to splurge on is a great sweeping skirt.
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What staples should a woman have in her closet at all times? Every woman should have a black dress, a great jacket or suit, an easy blouse, a well fitting pair of jeans, comfortable shoes, and classic black pumps. Oh! And, a trench coat that can be worn as a dress or coat. It’s so versatile and really a femme fatale item every woman has to have.
What common fashion mistakes do women make? They try and wear all the trends at one time. It’s true that less is more. Either do the trend in hair or in the wardrobe. Don’t over accessorize, and please don’t wear too much jewelry.
What are some definite no-nos, or “FCHs” (Fashion Cries for Help), do you see women making? Wearing the wrong outfit for their body type – following a trend and not your body type. You must buy to compliment your body type. I see the wrong accessories with the wrong outfit or dated hair. You have to be current without looking like you are trying too hard.
How can a woman look like a fashion goddess on a budget? Just keep it simple and buy smart. Try on your clothes and have a dress rehearsal before you wear it out and about.
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10 Communication
Tips For Couples By Jennifer Keitt, www.jenniferkeitt.com
1. BE A GOOD LISTENER Remember, good listeners listen with their faces and eyes. Be sure to tune out ALL distractions and focus on what your partner is saying. And please DON’T interrupt! Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10
4. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS Many times we tune out our spouse because we think we have the gist of what the other person is trying to say—assumptions can be dangerous! Don’t miss the REAL point your mate is trying to make by jumping to the wrong conclusions.
(1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
2. DO NOT USE SILENCE AS A WEAPON While it is good to carefully choose your words when things get heated, please DO NOT resort to punishing your spouse with the ‘silent treatment’ …walking around slamming doors, glaring at them but refusing to talk. Always keep the lines of communication open and explain why you are hesitant to talk.
5. LISTEN BETWEEN THE LINES Make it a habit to ask yourself, “What’s not being said?” Your spouse will give you clues to their meaning through their tone of voice, facial expressions and gestures. Body language is an accurate indication of their attitude and emotional state.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10
(1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
(1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
3. BE SLOW TO SPEAK, QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO WRATH This is Biblical way to handle yourself: (1) think first and choose what you are going to say; (2) always be ‘in a hurry’ to HEAR what your spouse is saying and (3) control your emotions and temper and practice being slow to get angry or display strong negative emotions. Speak in such a way that you can be understood and one can accept what you are trying to say.
6. ASK QUESTIONS When in doubt, ASK! If you are not sure of what’s being said ask, ‘do you mean?’ ‘did I understand you to say?’ It’s always a good idea to repeat what’s been said BACK in your own words to confirm that you have understood correctly.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10
(1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10
(1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
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7. WHEN YOU ARE WRONG, ADMIT IT AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS! And when your mate asks for forgiveness, FORGIVE THEM! I am of the firm opinion that if we would get back to practicing common courtesy with our spouses and those close to us, our relationships will begin to heal. ALWAYS be the FIRST to say, “I’m sorry, please forgive me!” Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
8. KEEP AN OPEN MIND Don’t just listen for statements that back up your own opinions and support your beliefs, or for certain parts that interest you. DON’T CONDEMN BEFORE HEARING! Keep your mind open and your score pad put away when dealing with your spouse. If we think the best, we are more likely to have the best relationship! Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
9. DO NOT ‘FIGHT’ YOUR SPOUSE It IS possible to disagree without FIGHTING (physically, verbally or emotionally)! Practice ‘civility’ when you are at odds, always keeping in mind that you are both on the SAME team and there are no ‘winners or losers!’ Save the ‘us against them’ mentality for the sports arena! Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
10. PRACTICE SAYING AFFIRMING WORDS DAILY The more time you spend speaking positively to your spouse, the easier it becomes to speak to him or her, period. My position is that couples aren’t able to ‘communicate’ because we have not ‘practiced to make communication perfect!’ Start today. Say something heartfelt, sincere and NICE to your spouse every single day! Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 you do NOT do this and 10 you do this ALL the time):
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“...know with confidence that you’re just one conversation away from the next assignment God has waiting for you!”
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Job Hunting
Advice For Women Rhonda Chaplin, www.pursuingyourfreedom.com “Understand and learn the power of Networking in the right places”, says Rhonda Chaplin, author of the book, Pursuing Your Freedom: Breakthrough To The Purposeful Life You’ve Always Wanted. Chaplin says, women should make it a goal to attend workshops at least once a month at venues offering career or business enhancement services. Why? Because this is one of the most overlooked venues for women who are currently on the job market. There are many Human Resources Professionals, Business Owners and Life Coaches (like Rhonda) who are giving their time to help women in the community enhance their employment and business skills. These professionals have access and knowledge to job openings and as they get to know the women in the workshops, they are able to match their skills with job and business openings that are not listed in the newspaper or on the internet. So, show up to local workshops and networking events in your area, not only with your business cards (yes, you should have a business card with just your name, contact number, and email address, even if you are unemployed); but display your confidence. Although your last assignment ended, know with confidence that you’re just one conversation away from the next assignment God has waiting for you!
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Career Success For
Today’s Professional Woman Always Consider Yourself a VIP The authors of the new book, The Little Black Book Of Success, were recent guests on the Today’s Black Woman Radio Show with Jennifer Keitt (www.jenniferkeitt.com). They had a lot to say about leadership, success and the do’s and don’ts in the workplace. Enjoy this excerpt from their book! Many of you are already active in the workplace or will soon be entering workforces all over the world—in privately held corporations, large foundations, small not-for-profit organizations, advocacy groups, government positions, or other jobs right in your neighborhood— and yet, you may not know a very important secret: There is a leader inside each of you just waiting to come out! All you need to do is develop and hone the skills that will help the leader in you to surface and shine. Leaders are not only born, they can also be created. Even if you have never held a leadership position and were told that you did not have “leadership potential” as you were growing up, you can learn what it takes to be a leader right now. Like math, science, and languages, leadership can be learned because it requires skill sets that can be taught. And since you are clearly capable of learning, the path to leadership is one you can always pursue. In order to become a leader and remain an effective one, you must always consider yourself a Very Important Person (VIP). This doesn’t mean that you should be arrogant or cocky and walk into your job believing that you already know everything you need to know. Instead, it means that you need to feel confident that you are bringing much value to any workplace and that your cultural strengths, values, and work ethic will stand you in good stead as you go about learning how to do your job, and that you will be successful despite any challenges you may face, whether they are small or large.
How you feel about yourself is imperative to moving forward and sustaining your efforts to meet your leadership goals. Feeling that you’re a VIP, reminding yourself that you’re a VIP, dressing like you’re a VIP, and acting like you’re a VIP (within reason, of course) will help to give you the confidence you need to conquer real and imagined obstacles in your workplace. Rest assured that you can overcome any hurdles you may encounter on your way to becoming a leader —just be prepared and hang on to your hat. External— and maybe even internal—forces will surely test you. Because we live in a society where people of color and women are not always valued, some of us consciously or subconsciously transfer the notion that we are not valuable to beliefs of inferiority or inadequacy about ourselves.* A recent Harvard University study identified two kinds of prejudice: individual and systemic. The first kind of prejudice is held by individuals about members of groups other than their own. The second is a set of institutionalized assumptions, attitudes, and practices that have a kind of invisible effect in systematically giving members of more powerful groups certain advantages over members of less dominant groups. So you are not crazy, and you are not alone in feeling that some things are not right or fair in our society. Despite all of the progress women and people of color have made, there are still obstacles in many workplaces. Therefore, you must be ready. The first step to handling any sense of unfairness in the business environment is to accept that prejudices of all kinds exist. Indeed, many of us are prejudiced, and instead of letting these feelings get in your way, you must find creative ways to move around them. You may feel frustrated at times, not knowing how to get ahead or what steps you should take to advance. You’re not alone. Don’t be discouraged. Instead, concentrate on working hard, working smart, and gaining the knowledge you need to move forward. By remaining focused, you will continue to make progress.
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MAMAisms Nothing worth having comes easy. You have to work twice as hard as everyone else to get anywhere. You are worthy and deserving of having the best of everything. Make yourself number one. If you don’t take care of you first, no one else will.
Your ability to remain motivated and continue to believe in yourself as you travel along your leadership journey is very important. In the sport of working, you will need to learn not to take personally everything that happens to you. You must become a savvy “player” in the work “game.” Once you decide to become a leader, you put yourself squarely in the game and you must play. You must also be prepared to win as well as suffer some losses along the way. Often those wins and losses will yield critical lessons that will help you mold your own unique leadership style that will make you stand out and move up. Be prepared for the rules of the game to change, sometimes midplay, sometimes completely. Make it your responsibility to keep up with what is going on. Plan to put your own special imprint on your workplace by bringing the very best you have to the table every day. Always hold your head high and remember that you are a VIP, no matter what position you currently hold. You’re already on your way to leadership success!
We must learn that everything we are going through is all a part of the game—surviving and thriving in the workplace—and the sooner we face this reality, the better we will be able to compete in the leadership arena. We must keep our confidence intact and realize that outer forces have nothing to do with our inner spirit—our resilience— that we inherited from our MAMAs and others. We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors, who sacrificed mightily so that we could have the privileges and opportunities we take for granted today. Through them we know and affirm that we are amazing women, and with confidence in ourselves, we can do anything!
Excerpted from The Little Black Book of Success by Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood, and Rhonda Joy McLean Copyright © 2010 by Elaine Meryl Brown. Excerpted by permission of Ballantine Group, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Are You Ready To Rock
The Red Carpet Of Your Life Inside/Out? By Jennifer Keitt One of the most important questions that the over-
And like you, I put a great deal of time get-
whelming majority of women ask themselves EVERY
ting ‘dressed’ every single day…I’ve been
SINGLE DAY OF THEIR LIVES is: “WHAT AM I GO-
encouraging women, to take the time to
ING TO WEAR?!” And then most of us conclude: we
get RED CARPET READY every day of our
don’t have a THING to wear! We are very concerned
lives. In order to do this, we can take our
with making our best impression every time we walk
cues from the red carpet celebrity appear-
out of the door. In fact, an article that I read recently
ances that are so prevalent in our culture.
stated that it takes just a quick glance, maybe three
Entertainers and high profile individuals take
seconds, for someone to evaluate you when you
getting ready to the EXTREME when they
meet for the first time. ONE MISSISSIPPI, TWO
are about to walk the red carpet. But I want
MISSISSIPPI, THREE MISSISSIPPI and you’ve formed
to ask you today, how much more important
your opinion about me based on my appearance, my
should it be for us to get ready to walk the
body language, my demeanor, my mannerisms and of
RED CARPET called our lives?
course—HOW I AM DRESSED!
There are three things you can do in order to be red carpet ready everyday: Number One: Raise the tough questions inside your heart. Try asking yourself, “What am I wearing, FOR REAL?” RAISING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS is that step in which you COMMIT to an inward beauty regiment that is inclusive of taking care of your mind, soul and spirit every day. It’s the inward search to find out what items you’ve intentionally or inadvertently ‘put on.’ For example, when did you step into that suit of depression? When did you decide that worry was going to be your favorite accessory dangling like earrings around your head? When you did you put on complacency or mediocrity? Why do you continue to wear NEGATIVITY like perfume? RAISE THE TOUGH QUESTIONS IN YOUR HEART AND ASK YOURSELF “WHAT AM I WEARING?”
One tool that we all use every day is a mirror. Beautiful thing about a mirror is that it reflects exactly what’s there; the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve changed a popular fairy tale saying for you when using your mirror to RAISE THE TOUGH QUESTIONS IN YOUR HEART daily. Remember SNOW WHITE’S Evil Queen who asked, “MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHO’S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?” And the mirror lied to her every time telling her that ‘she was?’” Well, we’re NOT going to be like her. We want to let the truth be our guide! I want you to ask every time you look into the mirror every single day, “MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, WHAT AM I REALLY WEARING UNDERNEATH IT ALL?”
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Number Two: Refuse to wear junk. Once you’ve become intentional about RAISING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS in your daily RED CARPET READY beauty regiment, then you have to go through your ‘inner closet’ and start removing some stuff—stuff that doesn’t ‘fit’ you anymore, stuff that is ‘outdated,’ ‘worn,’ and ‘unflattering.’ You must REFUSE TO WEAR JUNK!! I LOVE the TV Show WHAT NOT TO WEAR on TLC. Stacey is my girl! I love how she and Clinton make-over women—taking them from WHAT NOT TO WEAR to WHAT TO WEAR FABULOUS! Interestingly, a lot of their make-over process has to do with how the women ‘see’ themselves when they look into the mirror! In the transformation process they shed not only ugly clothing but the ugly they’ve been carrying on the inside as well! In REFUSING TO WEAR JUNK we become intentional about going into our inner closet and giving away all that doesn’t fit us anymore There’s a lot of things that we SHOULD NOT WEAR. For example: + The green outfit of JEALOUSY & ENVY + The blue outfit of LONELINESS We must TAKE OFF all that baggage that keeps us from being red carpet ready. We must THROW IT AWAY and PURCHASE SOMETHING NEW TO WEAR INWARDLY. The key is to ‘dress for where you are headed in life’ versus where you were or where you are now.
Number three: Rely on others. Every A-list celebrity has a team of people who ‘advise,’ ‘consult’ and help them get red carpet ready. The truth is we have to rely on others in our lives to help us be the red carpet women we want to be. Who’s on your personal development team? What team of advisors have you assembled who help you develop spiritually, emotionally, relationally, physically, financially, vocationally, or in your self-esteem? Every woman who knows she wants to be effective, useful and productive to those she cares about must have a strategic team that she relies on to help her maintain her red carpet readiness. If you do have a team, GREAT! Give them some assignments to help you with. If you don’t, I would love to be an integral part of your LIFE ADVISORY TEAM, your PERSONAL BOARD OF DIRECTORS; or your MASTERMIND TEAM. Please get on my mailing list at www.jenniferkeitt.com and use every e-blast, video segment, radio show, or every word in my books and CD messages to help you become RED CARPET READY every single day!
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“Never go to sleep with bitterness or anger in the heart. Be quick to forgive and first to show love.�
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Designing Tips For Making
Your Bedroom Your Sanctuary Deana Murphy, www.designingfortheking.com Deanna Murphy is author of the
Murphy also says that true ‘de-
book, Designing For The King. She
signing’ starts from within. So she
suggests the following design tips
recommends, “never go to sleep
for making your bedroom a ‘sanc-
with bitterness or anger in the
tuary.’ “Go ahead and include in
heart. Be quick to forgive and first
your bedroom these red-carpet
to show love. Turn on soft wor-
add-ons and aesthetics such as a
ship music or a CD teaching—on
small kitchenette, laundry center,
purpose—about love and patience.
fireplace, and an elaborate en-
Allow your spirit to bathe in the
tertainment system. If possible,
wealth of the teaching. Surrender
separate study, exercise gym, and
to your design within as it directs
an adjoining terrace! Be sure to
all thoughts, conversations, and
include soft, rich looking fabrics,
actions towards spiritual orders.
decorative pillows, and a soft
Internalize the attitude of forgive-
throw. Cover mattresses, night
ness and become overwhelmed
pillows, and comforters. Satins,
with the attitude of love.”
silks, luxury and pampering! Treat this area as a treasured haven, a place where you can escape all the chaos of the world outside.”
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