WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?

Do you recall how easy it was as a child to make new friends? Yet as adults we often struggle.

Emma Wilson talks to an expert about why friends are so important – and how to find them.

It’s well known that a reliable support system can reduce stress and make life more satisfying. Spending time with friends releases endorphins in the brain that make us happy.

While much emphasis is focused on romantic relationships, friendship is just as important to our wellbeing.

Clinical psychologist and family therapist Dr Zeshan Khawaja (pictured) says positive friendships can make you feel good, stop you from becoming lonely –and even protect you against illness. “As we encounter things beyond our control, the one thing we can control is who our friends are. Having a good friend enriches our life. They keep us grounded and help us manage life’s problems. Equally, they are there to celebrate the positive times and our successes. They accept us for who we are, they’re interested in what we have to say and will listen without judgement.”

Yet friendship doesn’t always last, as we grow and change, so might our friendships.

“When you’re younger you’re still forming your identity. You want to have experiences and try new things; you’re more malleable and less afraid of rejection,” says Dr Khawaja. “Later in life when you feel more self assured, you know what you bring to a relationship and what you want back.”

However, overthinking what we want can make us question ourselves, which can affect our confidence to socialise, says Dr Khawaja.

A friendship is unlike any other connection, says Dr Khawaja. “Friends are not in our lives by blood relation; they are there because we have invested in that friendship, and we are ready to work to keep it.”

“Fear of rejection is a huge barrier to making friends,” he says. “You might question whether you’re getting it right, or have concerns you’re not fitting in. But often people aren’t looking to catch you out.”

He says the easiest way to make friends is to use natural opportunities that present themselves to forge a friendship – or to strengthen connections with people you already know.

“Helping others is a good way of making friends. I know of service users who have joined support groups and gone on to create their own social networks and form close relationships.”

More Information

u3a.org.uk: locally run interest groups that provide a wide range of opportunities to come together to learn for fun.

Meetup.com: community support group from hiking to reading.

Better.org.uk: social enterprise committed to delivering a better quality of fitness and leisure, libraries and performing arts facilities for everyone.

• With a little help from my friends – Friendships often come easier if you have a shared interest. Being a member of a social group offers a sense of belonging. u3a offers learning and development courses for older adults, giving you the opportunity to meet and make new friends who share the same interests or lifestyle

• You got a friend in me – Reach out to old acquaintances. Life happens and you can lose contact with those you were once close to; friends will be there if you’re willing to work on them

• I’ll be there for you – Sometimes showing up is all it takes, setting aside time can strengthen and maintain friendships. Don’t be afraid to say ‘hello’ or push yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s also important to respect your friends’ boundaries and make time for them