HEALING THE WOUNDS

By Jackie Rankin

Army corporal Jay Wheeler witnessed horror in Afghanistan. But he was also scarred by the trauma of an abusive childhood. He tells how a therapist helped him heal.

As young boys Jay and his brother were systematically beaten by their mother.

“Our mum beat us daily, mostly on a whim,“ he recalls. “She’d make us brush a floor then search for specks of dust so she could hit us with the brush.”

Jay’s only happy memory is watching 80s American TV series The A Team. “It seemed to be about people doing good for others. I knew I wanted to do that” said the gentle 51 year old.

Over time the army became his family.

When he applied to join the army, his mum doubted his ability to stay the course and ignored invitations to watch his passing out parade.

Jay won Best Recruit award and over time the army became his family. “I was doing well, but everything I achieved was tainted. I needed her approval,” he recalls.

Rising through the ranks to corporal, he toured Kosovo and Iraq, training Iraqi soldiers to use British weaponry. Then came the war in Afghanistan.

“We spent a year training, but nothing could have prepared me for the scale of the killing. I lost a friend and brother in arms – he was 21. It wrecked my mind.”

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Jay hit rock bottom. He tried to take his life several times, spent time in five different mental health hospitals and tried endless therapies. Nothing and no one could reach him.

In 2020 Jay was referred to Mersey Care’s innovative Step Forward service, a new approach to helping people avoid becoming permanently ingrained within the mental health system.

Psychologist Faith Brammer diagnosed complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Emotional Instability Disorder. When she recommended trauma therapy, Jay was sceptical.

“I couldn’t see how it would help, apart from anything else it was on Zoom. But it worked, I connected, I felt someone was listening. Faith explained that what happened in my childhood was a big part of my problem. She took me to places in my heart I didn’t know existed and gave me ways to cope.”

He had his faith and the support of his family and friends. He had adopted a rescue bulldog and discovered a love of art as therapy. But he still struggled with what he had experienced and his past.

Jay still had unanswered questions about his mother. “I’d never had a chance to tell her how I felt. I wanted to go to her grave, but I knew I could only do it with Faith’s help. I asked that our next Zoom therapy session be at the graveside.”

Faith supported his decision and Jay travelled to Wolverhampton with his army support officer for the session.

“Faith stayed with me, talking and reassuring me. There were more sessions, but that was the point where I took back control of my feelings. It was a massive relief.”

Jay has his faith, his brothers and nephews, his art and now his work in schools talking about his experiences and encouraging others to talk about mental health.

He reflects with a smile. “I know my recovery starts and ends with me, but Faith made the difference.”