JUST DREAM: I Just Dream of Peace by Marquita Antoinea

A Literary Magazine May 2021 Volume 5

The Evolution of JUST DREAM| Pg. 9 I am not all right.| Pg. 27 Give Yourself Some Grace | Pg. 35 Talk to Kita: I am Woman | Pg. 41

S An peci niv al Iss ersa r ue !!! y

JUST DREAM Copyright © 2021 by Marquita Antoineá All rights reserved. This magazine or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a review.

In This Issue... Permanent Fixtures A Letter From the Editor - Marquita Antoineá 7 A Little Extra Motivation - Marquita Antoineá 8 Dream Light - Resident Writers 25 Talecia Izlar's Therapy Tips - Talecia Izlar 32 Talk to Kita Interview Series - Marquita Antoineá 41 Spirituality Corner - Benita Henderson 46 Meet the Authors - Author Biographies 58 Support Black Business - Black-Owned Business Ads 65

Peace-Related Feature Articles I am not all right. - Madisyn Clark 27 Give Yourself Some Grace - Benita Spinner 35 Peace + Mental Health - Brigetta Weatherington 56 Therapy for the Therapist - Marquita Antoineá 54

ONE YEAR LATER: The Evolution of Just Dream Featured Articles and Authors

May 2020 - Dear Drugs and Alcohol - Madisyn Clark 11 August 2020 - Be Still - Talecia Izlar 14 November 2020 - My Favorite Holiday Traditions - Jorgia Jackson 19 February 2021 - Like the Phoenix - Joy D. Bell 23

A Letter from the Editor

Finding my peace is essential to finding my happiness. Wow Fellow Dreamers! What a difference a year makes! This time last year, I was just introducing you to JUST DREAM - another part of my dream. I had high hopes of helping local writers to have a platform to speak. I wanted to create a safe space for people to tell their stories without shame. I wanted to be able to create collections of articles, poems, short stories, or information about specific topics with the main goal of helping someone in need of advice, a listening ear, or even a sense of belonging. And with the help of some amazing writers, here we are a year later THRIVING. May is Mental Health Awareness Month! Mental health and wellness have always played an important part in my life. With two degrees in psychology, I have always had an intense interest in behaviors and what makes people do the things they do. As such, this issue is filled with tools and tips for maintaining your peace. Inner peace is an essential part of mental wellness. Let’s find some peace and learn how to maintain it, together! It’s one of my many DREAMS for each of you! If this pandemic has taught me nothing else, it has taught me that you must go after what you want full throttle. Time waits for no one. So don’t wait to start the journey. Then, after you start the journey, make a conscious decision to enjoy the journey. JUST DREAM is a necessary step in my journey, and oh boy, I’m enjoying it! This magazine has shown me so much about myself the determination, the patience, the strength, the perseverance, the focus, the capability of longevity, the growth. Thanks so much to all the supporters of JUST DREAM. Even in the midst of the pandemic, each of the contributors, readers, and all-around DREAM supporters have helped make MY DREAM come true. I am confident that we will continue to flourish because of each of YOU!

Marquita Antoineá

Just because everybody needs

A Little Extra MOTIVATION Inner peace is a deliberate state of psychological or spiritual calm despite the potential presence of stressors such as hatred in the world. As the very words suggest, inner peace must come from within. Trying to rely on external circumstances to provide internal peace does nothing but waste time and energy. Instead, find your inner peace, and use it as motivation to help regulate the external circumstances. In other words, never let the events going on in the world around you take away your inner peace. Your inner peace should only be based on things that you can control. And when you need an extra reminder, remember the serenity prayer: "Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Knowing the difference between what you can control (e.g. internal emotions, physical location, who you allow in your space) will help to alleviate the stress that comes along with trying to take ownership of things out of your control (e.g. weather, crime/police brutality). Make the decision to protect your inner peace no matter what. 8

ONE YEAR LATER The Evolution of JUST DREAM

May 2020

May 2020 Featured Piece Written By: Madisyn Damara

Dear Drugs and Alcohol, We have been in an abusive relationship for the past 5 years, and I have decided that it is in both of our best interests for me to let you go. I became dependent on you around the age of 14 when I first began abusing opioids. At the time, I was battling depression and felt that the only way to escape the low was to get high. You have been there for me at my worst. You showed up when no one else could, and you would always ease my suffering. Naturally, I began to turn to you every time I felt down, and every time there you were. At my rescue fully equipped to provide comfort, for this, I am eternally grateful. However, I am now ready to take on these tasks without your assistance. I am ready to relinquish my dependence on you and learn to depend on myself for comfort. I will practice positive self-care and plan to begin implementing positive coping strategies. I will dance because there I find joy. I will start going to therapy when I need advice outside of my own. I will practice building healthy relationships; I will have a life! I'll do yoga, and most importantly I will strengthen my relationship with God. I am deciding to cleanse my life and move forward with room only for things that foster positivity and contribute to my well-being. I have grown tremendously, and I assure you that you need not worry. I can take it from here! Best, M.

May 2020 Featured Author

Madisyn Damara Hughesville, MD

August 2020

August 2020 Featured Article

As a licensed therapist (who is also a woman), I receive over 90% of my inquiries for therapy from other women. Often, they are encountering anxiety or depression and want to learn coping skills to help manage their day to day lives. With exploration, the majority of women who come to my office express stressors due to frustrations with the “dating game”, hard break-ups, and relationship and marital conflict. There is a correlation between anxiety and depression and relationships! Although I have not done the extensive research that it requires to determine how they correlate and to what severity, it has been clear that symptoms impact relationships and relationships can increase or decrease symptoms. That brings about a very strong suggestion for women who want to live their BEST life: CHOOSE AND MAINTAIN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS! Choose relationships wisely. Whether you are in intimate relationships or close friendships, the people you interact with can increase or decrease depression. Imagine this – You have a husband who is a narcissist, constantly blaming you for every negative thing in your relationship, putting you down, and threatening to leave you when you don’t give him his way. How would you feel? Sad, possibly? Anxious or worried? Most likely, you would feel a mix of both emotions, as you are in a state of constant uncertainty. The constant unknown and cycle of highs and lows in the relationship can impact mood stability. On the flip side, let’s say you have an amazing husband. He knows that you have a history of depression and anxiety and has spent time and energy into learning what you need in order to manage your symptoms effectively. He has mastered your love languages! Maybe quality time is your primary love language so when you seem depressed, he plans a nice date! Or maybe affirmations is your primary love language so he sends you encouraging and CALMING words when you appear stressed! He makes you feel safe! Can you imagine the impact of reducing anxious and depressive symptoms if you are in a relationship with someone who IS your peace? CHOOSE WISELY and LEAVE relationships where interactions typically leave you feeling sad or anxious! Set healthy boundaries with people in your life. Learn the word “NO” without allowing yourself to feel GUILTY. Guilt can lead to shame, which can lead to FEELINGS OF DEPRESSION. Forgive yourself for putting your NEEDS above the WANTS of others. It is YOUR responsibility to set boundaries, not others’. You do not have control of other people in your life who PUSH, PULL, and DUMP on you. However, you have total control over who you allow, what you allow, and your limitations with regard to how much you pour into relationships and friendships. Pour into those who pour into you! The interchange of ENERGY can help you to grow and feel better about yourself; hence, a reduction in isolation and feeling of sadness and hopelessness. Place self-care at the top of your list. There is a strong emphasis on SELF-care! When you are on an airplane and something happens to the plane, do they advise you to put on your mask first, or the mask of a minor or elderly person accompanying you? YOU! How can you help anyone when you are not wearing your own protective mask?! Care for yourself and your needs first! Make yourself a priority – Meditate, Journal, Get Massages, Socialize, and DO 15 THINGS YOU ENJOY!

When you are taking care of yourself and your cup is full, you can pour into others around you without feeling EMPTY. When we are “empty”, we are no longer in the emotional space to be able to pour into our loved ones, which can make us feel sad, guilty, frustrated, depressed, and anxious. Take control of your own mental health. It can be very easy to blame other people for your own health and wellness. Instead of blaming the actions of toxic behaviors of the person you are with, seek understanding and insight about your role in your relationships. Are you attracting toxic behavior because of your own history of trauma or past negative experiences? Are you reinforcing unhealthy behaviors because of your responses? Seek therapy for help with improving your quality of life! I receive a large number of inquiries for couples counseling and oftentimes, they have never been to individual counseling. During my process of treating couples, I help them to explore how their individual experiences/trauma, which I like to call “stuff”, impacts their relationships with each other. Relationship conflict is often “inner children” arguing that are no longer on the playground! Your early childhood experiences, family dynamics, and relationships contribute greatly to the way you view and respond to situations and interactions. Therapy, however, does not have to be about serious issues! Just like you schedule physical check-ups, it is healthy to schedule a mental CHECK IN as well! Please see my contact information if you have questions, need consultation or a referral, or want to begin therapy services.

August 2020 Featured Author

Talecia Izlar Lanham, MD

November 2020

November 2020 Featured Article

Delicious food, amazing people, and endless celebrations happen all around the world during the holiday season. Growing up in a huge family, every holiday was spent surrounded by love, family, and a whole lot of holiday spirit. The holiday season is a big deal in my household because it is based around our family traditions; and being the oldest of seven, it was my job to make sure everyone was following along. I don't ever remember there ever being a year where we didn't celebrate. And when I say celebrate, I mean celebrate BIG! Each holiday has a different meaning for us, Halloween is a time for fun and creative expression. On thanksgiving, we all gather around for a hot meal and just enjoy each other's company while explaining what we are thankful for that year. Christmas is a personal favorite of mine because of the traditions that take place every year. We start off on Christmas eve, where we all come down to decorate the tree. Laughter echoes around the room as “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 plays in the background; my mom has chosen red and gold for the tree decorations. Everyone is wearing their matching Christmas pajamas and fighting over which ornaments go where, but we all couldn't be happier. As a child, I never understood why my mother made decorating the tree a family affair. But as I grew older, I realized she was instilling in us the importance of family. It allowed us to have a sense of belonging and positive memories to look back on. Every Christmas, I look forward to these moments with my family and being able to create new memories. My favorite tradition for Christmas is when we go to a local shelter and feed the homeless. This tradition has been going on long before I was born, and it is the one that I am most proud of. My late-great uncle started this tradition because he wanted to share the Christmas spirit with those who were less fortunate than him. When I turned 13, my grandfather finally took my sister and I along to the shelter with him. I then realized how much I truly took for granted. There are so many people who no longer have family to look after them and make sure that they are loved. Not only do my family and I look forward to giving back to others every year, so do the people who we are helping. We've had so many people thank us and tell us how much it means to them to have a hot meal on Christmas day. Traditions are supposed to teach us life lessons about the importance of family and give us something to look forward to every year. And that's exactly what mine do.

November 2020 Featured Author

Jorgia Jackson

Montgomery County, MD 21

February 2021

February 2021 Featured Piece Like the Phoenix… Written By: Joy D. Bell

History is written and told by the victors, right? Subjecting subsequent generations of the survivors to decipher their plight Progress stifled by white-washed rhetoric Strategically institutionalized to perpetuate indoctrinated minds Omitting their dependence on every black civilization, Heroizing their barbaric legacy in this blood-stained nation Lest we forget, ‘black’ people in AmeriKKKa laid this very foundation, fortified by coerced participation Sold us on the proclamation only to realize loopholes in vague legislation Promises of civility threatened by White fragility Then false hope spread, again, black ppl in AmeriKKKa we were mislead Surface likeness the utility to assert our upward mobility Given a shiny token to suppress declarations that must be spoken Ignorance glamorized Societal ills now normalized Politicians’ intentions disguised All as a means to paralyze our inevitable rise Black male masculinity, still secretly admired but publicly feared A testament that his prowess is truly revered Black female femininity, objectified, trivialized then commodified but her essence is bestowed by The Most High; never to subside Together, their potential is unmatched This is why the ‘black’ family in AmeriKKKa is constantly under attack. In this year, the 100th anniversary of the Tulsa Massacre, Be inspired by what our ancestors have done Be not complacent, the best is yet to come…

February 2021 Featured Author

Joy D. Bell

Washington, D.C. 24

The

Dream Light shines on

Talecia Izlar and Benita Henderson Our Resident Writers

The Just Dream Spotlight is shining on Talecia Izlar and Benita Henderson! These two extraordinary women are the FIRST two Resident Writers for JUST DREAM. This magazine would not be what it is today without their thought-provoking articles in every single issue. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU!

Keep shining! 26

I am not all right. A Memoir Piece

Written By: Madisyn Damara

“I’m okay.” “I’m alright.” “Everything’s fine.” Phrases uttered too often when I was everything but okay; when I was anything but fine. Phrases used when I was hurting, when I was broken, when I was lost. Phrases used in response to the question “How are you?” when I felt as though the world lacked space for my ‘problems’. “I’m okay.” “I’m alright.” “Everything’s fine.” Lonely. A feeling that was once second nature to me. I was surrounded by people who I supposed would not understand what I was going through; surrounded by people who couldn’t possibly understand me; surrounded by people who loved me, but from whom I hid my insecurities. I was supposed to be strong! I was supposed to be good! I am supposed to be alright… right? “Nothing.” A response that became typical when asked what was wrong with me; because wrong was not right and the world had made me yearn desperately to be ‘all right’. I WAS NOT ALRIGHT! However, ‘Nothing’ was technically the truth. I was suffering from major depressive disorder, an eating disorder, sever anxiety, and a physically dependence to alcohol. Yet, nothing was wrong with me… I could have simply used a little help. Why did the lack of perfection in my world signify wrongness? Was my pain wrong? Were my issues wrong? Were my mental illnesses wrong? I used to think that “Everyone has their own problems so who could have the space and time for mine?” A mindset that had consumed my generation. I didn’t talk anymore, I didn’t confide in anyone, I used my relationships as band-aids when I was in need of surgery… some crutches; intervention and support. I was not alright. 28

“Let’s get drunk. I had a bad day.” “Let’s go smoke. I’m anxious.” “Let me eat a box of Oreos. I’m sad.” In other words, “Let’s do anything but talk about what’s really going on so that my pain builds up, my health depletes, and I break.” And I broke. My journey has broken me so many times that I am truly in awe when I look in the mirror and see the woman staring back at me. She has come such a long way and has such a way left to go. She is crafted from her pieces and glued together with the lessons acquired from her mistakes. She is not alright, but she is beautiful. She is not perfect, but that is not wrong. She is becoming something magnificent. During each instance in which life broke me, I let go of a piece of myself that I did not need and held onto the pain of each break as a reminder never to visit those places again. So, I started talking. At first to my journal. The simplicity of letting my feelings out released a weight that I did not know I bore. Making space for healing; making space for growth. I realized that liked talking! So, I kept it up! I was fortunate enough to be able to access a therapist which allowed me to release my feelings and receive confirmation of their validity. I started to feel so good! One day, I had mentioned feelings of loneliness to my therapist, and she asked, “Well what about these friends you always talk about?” I responded, letting her know that “My friends have their own problems; they don’t have time for mine.” She responded, “Do they care about you?”, “Yes” I replied, “Do you care about them?”, once again I replied “Yes”, “If they came to you needing to talk would you be there?”, “Of course!” I exclaimed, “So unless they’ve told you otherwise, why don’t you think they would be there for you?” I sat back and pondered with no valid explanation…

So, I started talking. I continued talking to my journal and my therapist, but I opened my circle to include my friends and family. Eventually, I was able to reach a point where I felt validity in the reality of my life. Now, don’t misunderstand my use of the word ‘talking’ for ‘complaining’ - I genuinely mean talking. Speaking my truth in its entirety. Sometimes those I talked to would offer advice. Sometimes my stories would provoke empathy. Other times I would get encounter judgement. However, I am learning only to accept the responses that benefit my growth and discard the opinions of those who do not understand. My journey is nowhere near over, I am learning new things about myself and this thing called life every day. There are good days and there are bad days. Sometimes life feels amazing and other times it can feel scary. Regardless of how I feel in the moment I always remind myself that: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Honesty is freedom! No part of my story nor my being is ‘wrong’. Life is meant to be shared, otherwise we would exist in isolation. Pain is necessary for growth. Perfection is boring. Feeling good feels so much better than feeling bad (I know this one sounds like a given, but it took a while for me to be comfortable without the weight of the world on my head *I would have said shoulders, but I didn’t want to be cliché*) 7. I am not alright, and I will probably never be alright, but I am exactly as I am supposed to be.

Talecia Izlar's Therapy Tips

Tools for everyday Mental Wellness 32

In an unpredictable world, it can be very challenging to achieve and maintain peace. Between news reports about our racial climate, the worldwide pandemic that has felt like it has been going on forever, and day to day woes, we can become overloaded with “bad news” and constant reminders of a chaotic world. Although the world is filled with uncertainty and unpredictability, we have the option to create and maintain our very own “peace bubble”. In this realm, the world doesn’t change but we can develop a filter that uses healthy thoughts, feelings, and behavioral responses to stressful life events. Let’s discuss some activities you can use to protect your peace: Meditation and Prayer: I have found that meditation, even in increments of three to five minutes, can increase feelings of peace. Find mantras and meditation exercises that have a focus on peace and stillness. Also, prayer can be useful to connect to God or a higher power that you feel you can depend on for peace. It also helps us to develop and invest in a belief system where we have faith that “everything happens as it should” and to “trust the process”. When you strongly believe these ideals, you find peace during stressful times because you have hope that everything will work itself out. Setting healthy boundaries: BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES. When someone or something is invading your “peace bubble”, you have to put boundaries in place as a layer of protection. It can be a friend who vents to you frequently about their problems or a supervisor who dumps last minute projects on you because you always make it happen! Learn to say no when appropriate and set aside your alone time and self-care. Never apologize for taking care of yourself and protecting your peace from external disruption. In order to be present for others, you need to be in a healthy space.

Positive self-talk: Change your “stinking thinking”. Identify the anxious thoughts that make it hard for you to feel at peace. Evaluate the thought patterns and determine whether they are rational and if they serve you. Make adjustments and replace them with healthy thoughts that make you feel calm and centered. Maintain healthy relationships among friends and family members: Continue to evaluate your relationships and whether they add peace or disrupt. Figure out whether these relationships are worth continuing or if there are adjustments that can be made to maintain healthier dynamics and interactions with individuals in your life. Take notice of subtle changes in your body or mood when interacting with people- that can be a serious indicator. Work and life balance: Pay close attention to your schedule and routine. Do you have a healthy balance of work, relaxation, and fun? If you find that you are doing too much of anything and not enough of another area, you may want to reflect on ways to make adjustments in your life that perpetuate more peace and relaxation. Increase activities that bring you peace such as taking a walk, listening to music, taking a nice bubble bath, socializing with people who bring you calm, and taking naps. Being more mindful in these areas can help you to develop your own “peace bubble” that wards against chaos, drama, and overall life stress. Challenge yourself to journal about these areas and set goals and plans for yourself! Wishing you peace!

Some Written By: Benita Spinner Radio Show Host

Taking care of other people is what I do best just like a lot of men and women. Making sure people are happy and feel special is one thing that I have excelled at in life. I enjoy cooking for my family, making handmade gifts that have thought and meaning behind them, and spoiling the heck out of the children in my life. Ensuring my husband has doctors’ appointments made, see to it that he is eating all the right foods. Being all around a great person to the people around me. If you were to ask who the go-to person in the family is or in my circle of friends, I would say that would be me as well. Extending my god given gifts and talents just comes naturally. I am not in the least bit complaining. The same way I pour love into my family and friends they exude that same energy for me. I get packages shipped to me from my cousins, dinners, trips, and lovely gifts from friends. They make me feel just as special as I am hoping I make them feel. Learning over the years to give to those that are worthy was a tough lesson to learn. Being hurt and disappointed after trying to be kind is not a feeling I wanted to get used to feeling. Everything sounds amazing right! Pouring into others and they pour into me, sounds

fair. Until about two or three weeks ago while in therapy my therapist asked me a question that shook my sole, “Benita, what do you do to take care of yourself like you do other people?” “What does that look like for you?” You see I am willing to accept gifts and treats from family and friends but no help as it relates to my mental or physical health. That part I do not accept any help or guidance. I do not share with people how I really feel. I am great at taking care of others. I spent two months making Christmas gifts for the women in my family to make them smile. However, I have not taken five minutes out of my day to schedule a doctor’s appointment or walk around the block. It is so easy for me to help my mother get her medication in order or help someone else locate important information that would benefit their health, but I do not invest in myself with that same type of energy and passion. Over the last couple of weeks, I have pondered the question my therapist asked, “Benita, what do you do to take care of yourself like you do other people?” Before she asked me the question, she said, “do not tell me you love yourself.” Asking myself, “if I love myself as much as I thought I had, why do I neglect myself for other people and things?”

“Why do I put other’s needs ahead of my own?” Still trying to find those answers. I located this picture of myself when I was 23 years-of-age and this picture has disrupted my spirit. When I look at my 23 years-of age self I want to hug her tell her she is loved, and everything is going to turn out well. All the trauma she had been through rape, abortion, molestation, abandonment, and the anger that those issues caused, at some points in my life were unbearable. The girl in the picture was lost. She masked her pain, loneliness, and feelings for so long she never knew what it felt like to be kind to herself. She never learned how to love herself instead she learned to love others how she wanted to be loved. Over the years the pain just kept getting stuffed down further and further. She never learned how to give grace to herself as she felt unworthy. I do not remember anyone telling her that the things that happened to you were not your fault and it will be ok. Of course, I know that now and understand that people make choices, and my rape was not my fault. However, I have never stopped masking my pain and I never gave myself grace. Today, I am 46 years of age and that 23year-old self has not allowed me to let go of the past pain and disappointment in

myself. The 23-year-old in me is so hurt and broken she cannot accept the good things that can happen for us now. She does not believe the Benita today is worthy of all the love and care she receives from her husband, family, or friends. Or the self-care and love she gives to self. Those feelings are foreign to her. Letting go of the hurt and pain that I live with daily would mean letting go of that 23 years of age young lady's hurt. To her that is all she is and hurt and pain. The answer to the question, “Benita, what do you do to take care of yourself like you do other people?” is to knowledge and accept that I was hurt than and I have pain now. Pretending my pain does not exist or not acknowledging that hurt or analyzing my feelings to the point of justifying why my hurt is no longer relevant has placed me in an unforgivable mindset to myself. We subconsciously sabotage ourselves without giving it a thought. The best thing we can give ourselves, is awareness. I am aware that I have not given myself the grace I am worthy of then and now. I am aware that I am just as deserving of the special things I do for others and I deserve to do special things for myself. I am working towards healing; I cannot heal what I do not acknowledge. So today and forever, I choose myself because I deserve grace and peace.

Dear Benita, Thank you for enduring. I love you and you are worthy of all the happiness and joy you receive today. You do not deserve the bad and you are worthy of accepting the good. Your pain then is our strength now. I love you and we will be fine. Love always,

The following is my celebration of Woman's History Month held in March every year. I AM WOMAN is an honest attempt of reminding the world of women's strength and resilience. It is accompanied by a response from Marquita Antoinea's paternal aunt Sharon Merritt Purce. 41

I AM WOMAN... Yes. I am woman... I am woman. Bright and intuitive. I am woman. Strong and fierce. I am woman. Smart and capable. I am woman. Patient and determined. I am woman. Hear me roar. But... I am woman. They don’t trust my instincts. Guts feelings lie. I am woman. They can’t see my strength. Warped vision. I am woman. They underestimate me at every turn. Big mistake! I am woman. They see me anxious and impatient trying to get it all done. Jilted perspective. I am woman. They don’t want to hear my voice. Sound drowned. So let me say it louder. Maybe “they” will believe me. I am woman. Bright and intuitive. I am woman. Strong and fierce. I am woman. Smart and capable. I am woman. Patient and determined. I am woman. Hear me roar. I am woman. My intuition serves a great purpose in protecting me and my loved ones from danger. 42

I am woman. The two X chromosomes that God blessed me with in my mother’s womb do not make me any less capable than my male counterparts. I am NOT inferior. I am woman. What I may lack in physical strength I make up for in intellectual strength and compassion. I am woman. My voice matters! I will not be silenced. This is dedicated to all the women out here doing your best to rise above in spite of. The glass ceiling is broken! How you gonna react ladies?

Reaction by: Sharon Merritt Purce

(Author - The Write Stuff 4 U on Facebook) How am I gonna react? I'ma keep stiffarming them jilted perceptions! Luvu2! Just for you ... I am Woman ... I am forever embracing the Wonder Of Mentoring And Nurturing! ... Embracing the Wonder Of My Amazing Name ... Sharon ... I'ma keep loving my Thorny-rose Self! I'm trusting you are, too! Luvu2!

Reaction By: Patrice Somerville I am a strong humbled black woman with weaknesses. I am perfectly imperfect. I am the masterpiece that God shaped and molded me to be. I walk, talk and live with Purpose. I can not be silenced. My beauty lies behind the surface. When I look into the mirror I love, admire and respect the person staring at me. Hold your head up high, walk with confidence and go live your best life.... Much love to all

♥

Spirituality Corner

Benita Henderson Spiritual Enlightenment for the Everyday Human

James 1:12 (ESV) says, “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” I have always been told that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I truly wonder sometimes. Although the bible does not tell us that we will live a life free from tribulation, I often wonder if I have the strength to get through one more thing. We all experience various difficulties, hardships and problems that test our courage, endurance, and resolve. These difficulties seem to occur when everything seems to be moving along smoothly. Making the choice to face each trial with hope in the promises of God can allow us to find something positive even in the worst situation. 47

We all go through trials in our lives; some more than others. Trials are placed in our lives to let us view our lives through optimistic eyes, even in times of heartache. So let us not be discouraged, let us not be bitter in our suffering rather let us be encouraged as we look to our trials as avenues that will eventually make us better. Sometimes the struggles we go through are the result of choices we make, and sometimes they are the result of consequences that are completely beyond our control. Regardless of the cause, no trial we experience or pain we suffer should be wasted. Trials can educate us; they can build our character and help us develop patience, humility, and strength if we choose to let them. We should acknowledge that many times it is easy in life to focus on our trials. Many of us spend our lives thinking “Why me? Why is my life hard? Why am I having to struggle? Why do I have to suffer loss? Why, why, why?” Our trials should make us better, not bitter I myself have been guilty at times of thinking “Why me?” in that “poor me” kind of way. And yet, there are many people with significantly harder challenges that call themselves lucky. This reminds me that we all have a choice in the way we view our lives. When hard times come, we can always make the choice to feel sorry for ourselves or the choice to see the light and joy in life rather than allowing ourselves to focus on the dark. We have the choice to learn from our trials, allowing them to refine our character and help us become a stronger, more charitable person. We have the choice to be grateful, choosing to be joyful, and seeing the color and light that blesses our life. 48

Throughout life, we have been surrounded by people with amazing strength. I have watched as people have overcome trials that I couldn’t possibly imagine facing. We are so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for. Each of us has within us the ability to overcome whatever trials are placed in our path. And though they are not fun and we would rather avoid them, we have to remember that our greatest growth in life will never come from times of ease and comfort. Our greatest growth will come from those times we choose to overcome the adversity and allow our trials to make us better. So I leave you with this: "Always remember what you’ve come through and all the times you’ve pushed through even when you felt you couldn’t. Remember all the mornings you got out of bed when you didn’t see a reason. Most of all remember all the times you wanted to give up but God gave you strength, and made a way when you saw no way. You are stronger than you think."

I am strong! 49

Remember, no matter how beautiful something is on the outside, it can be poisonous on the inside - just like this oleander plant.

Written By: Brigetta Weatherington

1. THOUGHTS | Manage your thoughts. How do you talk to yourself? Have you been kind to yourself today? Have you encouraged yourself? Have you talked yourself down from criticism and judgement? 2. TALENTS | Use your talents and skills for good. Have you contributed your strong areas to other people's lives? Have you helped anyone lately? Lend a hand where you can. 3. HOBBIES | Find a hobby. Think about environments or activities which bring you peace, and then indulge in them. 4. CHECK-IN | Check yourself. And check in with yourself. Are you operating in your authenticity? Are there any scenarios recently in which you found yourself behaving unlike yourself? What is it about this scenario that made you uncomfortable being yourself? 5. EXERCISE | Exercise creates good chemicals! These chemicals are what comprise our happiness. Exercise also rids our body of stress and anxiety.

6. NUTRITION | Our food and vitamins have a vital part in our body’s operations, too. Nutrition will dictate the energy we have to get our to-do lists done. They also affect our basic functions, such as breathing and . 7. RELAXATION | How often do you lay in silence? When is the last time you sat and listened to the world, removing yourself from its activity? Take time to absorb the present. 8. PREPARATION| Prepare. And process. Do you have a task or obstacle that's been on your mind? When you have quiet time before bed or before work, use this time to plan steps in an effort to break down this task. Create a short- or long-term plan as needed. 9. BOUNDARIES | How does your calendar or schedule make you feel? Does it cause tension inside? Do you feel stretched too thin? Be sure to allow time for yourself throughout your week. It is impossible to be present for everyone in your life. You must prioritize and determine which individuals and requests can be postponed or handled without you. 10. ACCEPTANCE | Have you accepted what is within your control? And released what is not within your control? Let your chest loosen through acceptance in what is out of your hands. Let your shoulders lower and your hands spread wide. Adjust the areas of your life within your reach and understand that those areas out of your reach will not break you. You are whole and capable. 53

Therapy for the Therapist Written By: Marquita Antoinea

August 14, 2020 marked the 10th anniversary of the darkest moment of my life thus far. It was that day that I made a conscious decision that life wasn't worth living anymore. Can you believe I actually sat down, thought about (in detail), and attempted to execute a plan to end my time on this Earth? I made dinner for my family and thanked them for their support. I kissed my kids. I prayed that God would give me peace in the end. And I went to sleep for what I thought was going to be the last time. But the next morning I woke up. I was sick. I was weak. Above all, I was angry that I woke up. I had no choice but to go the emergency room to get checked out. They needed to pump my stomach. They needed to check my liver. They needed to admit me and watch me closely. They needed to make sure that whatever was happening in my mind would not take over the rest of me. This made me even angrier because I had studied all of this. I knew what the textbooks said about coping with life. I had helped others to feel better when going through similar things. I was an “expert” at helping other people problem solve. And I still felt there was no way out. So, I began thinking. There has to be some type of therapy for the therapist. There must be a way for those of us that continuously help other people to help ourselves as well without feeling guilty. And when I say help ourselves, I mean BEFORE we lose it. Through this process, I have realized that there are a few things I can do to make myself feel better no matter what the situation. Here they are: 1. PRAY. There is something about praying to an almighty God that seems to give me hope. My heart rate slows down and I instantly feel a little more at peace in the midst of the turmoil. 2. BE CONFIDENT. Self-confidence is the key to so many of life's treasures. We have to be willing to trust ourselves and our abilities. We have to be willing to step outside the box in order to obtain the things we really want out of life. 3. SHARE YOUR GIFTS AND TALENTS WITH OTHERS. When other people are blessed by the gifts that God has given you, it can really boost your self-confidence. In other words, blessing others can in turn bless you.

4. ASK FOR HELP. Never be afraid to reach out to others for support and help. When you’re feeling down, reach out to others who can make you smile or laugh. When you feel overwhelmed, reach out to people who can help you with physical tasks on your to-do list. When you feel worthless, remember that you were made by God. 5. SET REALISTIC GOALS FOR YOURSELF. Short-term and long-term goals are necessary for progression. However, setting goals that are nearly impossible to reach can be detrimental. If the goals aren't reached, you can become discouraged and even think that trying is pointless. Reaching short-term goals on the way to your long-term goals is a great way to boost your spirits. Try writing your goals on index cards, then carry one with you everywhere you go. 6. FIND YOUR SANITY. Sanity is different for every person. Sanity is basically a way to cope with the harsh realities of this world. For some it may be gained through singing. For some it may be through writing. For some it may be through exercise. The key is finding whatever works for YOU! In times of darkness, you must find whatever makes the reality of this world just comfortable enough for you to remain sane. 7. MEDITATE. Every morning, wake up 15 minutes earlier than you normally would. The meditation session should last for 8 – 10 minutes. Find some “meditation music” on your music platform and play the music of your choice. Sit in a comfortable position, facing the East (where the sun rises and where the highest energy is), and with your hands open in your lap (to receive the vibes you will experience). Your thoughts should be focused solely on the goals you have set for yourself; it is OK to focus on only one goal during your meditation session. If you accomplish all these things, it shouldn't be too hard to learn to enjoy life and be truly happy. Ten years after my darkest time, I am confident enough to say that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I will be okay. I know that my support system is endless. I know that it's okay to help other people and still help myself. Most importantly, I know that God loves me and has an amazing plan for my life. I will do all I can to ensure that I follow God’s plan for me.

Meet the Authors

Marquita Antoineá was born and raised in Prince George’s County, MD. She is a single mother of three beautiful children and a two-time published author. For the majority of her life, Marquita has enjoyed helping other people in whatever way she can. Alongside her brother, in 2012, she co-founded The Just Dream Foundation, Ltd., a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering children, teens, and young adults through mentoring and tutoring. Marquita has big dreams of owning her own literary agency one day where individuals will be able to learn creative writing skills and enhance story-telling capabilities. She has hopes of creating a platform for people everywhere to share their stories of strength and perseverance. Writing has always been a hobby for Marquita, but now she realizes that her writing is therapeutic and healing for both her and those around her. With this in mind, Marquita plans to continue writing for as long as she can.

Benita Henderson, a “closet writer" for years, has devoted her life to her family. She is a proud wife, mother of four, and grandmother of ten. She has always believed that following your dreams is of the utmost importance, and she proved this when she received her Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration at the age of 50. Her newest feat becoming a published author has given her a newfound hope that she will be able to continue her mission of expressing her love for God through her writing. She considers herself to be an encourager to all. There is a silver lining behind every cloud. Aside from the importance of family and education, Benita also values honesty, love, peace, spirituality, and friendship. To know her is to love her. In her book "From the Depths of My Soul," Benita allows readers to take a glimpse into her life by sharing some of her innermost thoughts in journal-style snippets each complete with vulnerability and humility. Benita is sure to be a promising author as she succeeds at whatever she puts her mind to. 61

Talecia Izlar is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who is trauma informed, and is experienced working with clients to process and heal from trauma. She also has experience working with clients that present with anxiety, depression, ADHD, behavioral issues, relationship conflict, stress and anger management, self-esteem issues, mood stability, and psychotic disorders. Talecia's goal for her clients is to guide them towards Hope, Happiness, and Healing through self-exploration, analyzing thoughts and beliefs, and making positive behavioral changes. Talecia is a Rehabilitation Specialist for a Psychiatric Rehabilitation Program, supervising Direct Care Staff. She is also a therapist at both a mental health clinic and for her very own private practice - Guided Journeys, LLC, in Lanham, MD.

Mrs. Benita Spinner is a bestselling author, CEO, and Founder of BMS Talent & Entertainment (BMS). Clients, under BMS management, have landed roles on numerous television shows and commercials to include: Sesame Street, Law & Order SUV, Homeland, Purell, Expedia, Square, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Yahoo’s Kids Take On. Benita Spinner often uses her platform, as an ambassador, to speak out against domestic violence and sexual assault. She created and executive produced her first stage play called Out of Time which addresses the topic of generational sexual assault. She has been the keynote speaker at events in New York and other cities across the U.S. discussing how to heal after physical or emotional trauma.

While focused on healing, Benita Spinner launched a self-care product line, The Peaceful Soul Collection, that focuses on encouraging women to take care of themselves. In addition, Benita launched the ‘BMSTE Radio Show’ which focuses on topics such as the arts, business, networking, topics that promote empowerment for women, and all things entertainment. She regularly hosts events to empower and uplift the community by creating opportunities to network with business peers. She hosts workshops to educate aspiring entertainers new to the industry.

Brigetta Weatherington is a 34year-old lover of words. She enjoys writing about society's weaknesses, love, and the strongholds of depression. Brigetta has survived 20 years of depression and 10 years of suicidal thoughts, while also combatting high societal anxieties. Although a lover of public platforms, these undersurfaced experiences still reveal themselves in solitude and interpersonal environments. Because she knows smiles often share a space with scars, she's always made it her mission to be an extra smile for others everyday. As a mother, Brigetta is dedicated to setting a wonderful example of love and acceptance for her daughter. As a dance fitness instructor, she is able to share her love of creativity and healthy living with others from varying backgrounds. Brigetta has high hopes of escaping her horizons in the entrepreneurial world, but she always finds a way to make it back to her true love - words!

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