DISCIPLINE L I K E
H
ow many times have you counted to three when your child misbehaves? And then counted to four. And five. And okay, once 10 gets here, things are going to get ugly. We’ve all done it. Giving out consequences is tough. After all, we love our children with all our hearts and souls. We want them to have fun and magical moments during their formative years. But the truth is, kids need us parents to mean what we say and say what we mean. In the moment, giving in and letting bad behavior slide seems harmless. Unfortunately, every time that slide is allowed, it leaves the door open for bad habits and even worse future behavior. Doling out consistent discipline should be like brushing your teeth: a habit. You wouldn’t let three days pass without cleaning those pearly whites, would you? (If you would, we have other issues to address.) Don’t let your discipline slide, either. Here’s how to keep things consistent.
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kcparent.com may 2021
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EYE CONTACT
DON’T ASK
When you are informing your children of the consequences they’re cruising toward, get on their level. Kneel down and insist they listen with their whole body. Look in their eyes and have them look in yours. You want there to be absolutely no confusion about what is expected of them.
“If you continue this, I’ll take away your toy, okay?” Whoa. Why would you ask your children whether it’s okay to give them a consequence for their behavior? Just by asking, you’ve literally told them that they have a say in their consequence. No, my friend, you’re the adult; no questions asked.
BE PREPARED
NO NEGOTIATIONS
Don’t wait for the heat of the moment to threaten a consequence. You’ll end up saying something arbitrary like, “If you keep that up … uh … you’re not going to like what happens!” All your child will hear is a challenge. What will happen? Will Mom really do something terrible? If nothing else, your child could see this as encouragement to test how awful things can get. Keep the consequences clear. “If you throw your food, you will have your favorite lovey taken away for the rest of the day.” That’s it. Now for the next step. It gets harder.
This is not a trial. Your child cannot plead insanity for a lesser sentence. Obviously, you and your partner should ensure consequences match the behavior. But once those consequences are established, they are in stone. Batting pretty eyelashes shouldn’t lessen the consequence. Stand firm and follow through.
CONCISE AND QUICK No dissertations needed. If you’ve done your work on the front end, they won’t be necessary anyway. Pick a time when you and your partner can sit down with your child and talk through consequences for repeated bad behavior before it happens.
