5 minute read
LESSONS FROM A RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST
LESSON #1
BY DEVAN ROBINSON
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Lesson #1: You are allowed to change your mind.
I can’t promise it will always be comfortable, but I can promise you that you are allowed. There is no rule saying you can’t. Your decisions do not have to be set in stone. If you change your mind and decide to go a different direction, that’s perfectly okay. It does not mean you have failed or given up.
When I was 16 I wanted to become a teacher. When I was 18, I wanted to become a criminologist. When I was 20, I wanted to become a writer. When I was 22 I just wanted a job to pay back my student loans. I had dreams that I would chase for a while, but then those dreams would change and I would feel guilty about it every time. I agonized over changing paths. But over the years, I continually changed my mind and found new dreams or goals as I learned new information and especially as I learned about myself. I pushed through that guilt and feeling of failure, because in the end I had to be true to what I knew about myself. It took me a long time to realize that it’s perfectly okay not to know and it’s perfectly okay to change my mind. Society conditioned me to think there was something wrong with me if I changed my mind. I was taught that I needed to have a plan, be successful, and work my butt off. And although that may be true, you can always change that plan, or your definition of success. I was taught to stick to something or it meant I was
a failure. If I gave up then it meant I wasn’t successful. But changing your mind and switching the game plan does not equal failure. from…the thought that I had to have everything figured out or it meant I failed? Well, did you ever get asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. I did. Growing up everyone kept asking me “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. This question conditioned me that I had to have an answer and I needed to have a plan. But as a teenager, how do you know what you want to be when you grow up? Why did I have to know? Why was it a problem if I didn’t have a plan?
I found that whenever I couldn’t answer the question, I would get even more questions. “What do you like to do?” “What about a lawyer?” “What about a doctor?”
And then I would also get their opinions thrown in there too. “You need a job that makes a lot of money.” “You need to know, so you can pick your college major.” “You should know what you like to do.” “You need a good job to be successful.”
Of course I wanted to be known as a good child. I wanted to be successful, I wanted to please the people around me, and I wanted to be perfect. And to do that everyone was saying I needed to know what I wanted to do. So, what happens next? I pick something. Fear that I will let everyone down if I change my mind. So, I stick with it. I go to school for it. I take classes that I hate. And I grapple with the anxiety that I am stuck with this decision in order to be successful.
Then two years into my college degree it hits me. I am the only one that has to live with my decisions. I do not want to be an elementary school teacher. I can be successful even if I change my path. So, that’s what I did. And guess what? I did it again, multiple times over the last 12 years as well until I found something aligned with who I am and what I wanted to do with my life. It was so worth it!
Here are my top five tips to help you truly believe that you are allowed to change your mind without guilt, shame, or fear.
1. You are the only person who has to live with yourself forever.
2. Listen to your inner voice, but make sure to check in to see if that voice is actually yours and not formed by the words of others.
3. Journal it out. Things inside our head get a little jumbled, so try writing it down or recording yourself talking it out loud.
4. Look at the patterns that have happened to you when you stuck with something you didn’t want. need to that it’s okay to change your mind.
If you have any other tips to share or your own story revolving around how you learned this same lesson,
please share it with us!
Warmly, Devan
About the Author
Mean Money.”, motivational speaker, and life coach for female entrepreneurs. She helps women gain confidence and understand their strengths so they can reach their goals without guilt, shame, or fear. When she isn’t working on changing the world, you can usually find her hanging out with her dogs, spending time with her husband, or watching Netflix. If you are interested in learning more about her, check out her website www. developingwithdevan. com.
DEVAN