4 minute read
HER EDGE
HANDLE HARD BETTER
I recently had a birthday. It got me thinking about time; how we spend it, waste it, and wish for more of it.
Where does it go?
Social media makes it easy for people past and present to wish you a Happy Birthday. A friend from forty years ago text me a picture of us from Sophomore year of high school. It reminded me of a stage in life I would love to delete.
I remember the snapshot and how I was feeling at that time in my life. Anxious, frustrated, and impatient with myself. No one would know it from the silly, out of focus picture but I remember feeling that life felt hard at the time, and I was only 15 years old.
Does it ever get easier? The answer is no. But if you live your life the right way, you get better at handling the hard stuff that comes your way. That is the message from Duke Blue Devils women’s basketball head coach Kara Lawson.
A friend recently sent me her speech that has been circulating on LinkedIn and Twitter since the summer. She addressed her team with a powerful pep talk about learning to ‘handle hard better.’ The 2 minutes and 49 second speech made me stop and think about our constant focus on getting past tough times, professionally and personally.
Lawson reminds her team, “It will never get easier. What happens is, you handle hard better. That’s a mental shift that has to occur in your brains.”
BY ROBIN DEWIND
the future will somehow be easier, and we endure the uncomfortable with a ‘just get through it’ mindset.
It reminds me of “the holidays.” Once we get through “the holidays,” there will be more time.
There may be time, but then there are bills.
What Lawson is referring to happened to me last week. I was juggling multiple clients, large projects, and little sleep. As a single businessperson, you can never say no to work or not meet a deadline. I knew it would all get done, but I was overwhelmed, negative, and all I could think about was Friday.
Monday came, and guess what; new hurdles, conflicts and schedules were waiting their turn.
Lawson’s words resonated with me. The moment we handle something hard, life suddenly gets even harder. It is preparation for what is next.
Lawson’s theory, “If you have a meaningful pursuit in life, it will never be easy.” She adds, “The people who handle hard well, those are the people who get what they want.”
In business we want more money, responsibility, and titles. It means more stress, larger consequences, and pressure. Everything gets bigger, especially the problems.
We wait for the easy and it never comes. Is there really the perfect job, salary, or boss? I remember wanting to be an anchor in my earliest days in television. I eventually became one, when I was six-months pregnant. Managing both roles was one of the most exhausting periods of my life. I had achieved my goal of ‘doing it all’ but lost freedom and flexibility. I was constantly torn.
Now I run my own solo business and have colleagues and friends tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to set my own schedule and choose my own work with a daughter away at college.
While achieving another career milestone, my mother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis suddenly shifted my time and priorities once again.
I am still constantly torn, and it is unbelievably hard.
Ninth grade algebra was easy in comparison to writing a 10-page marketing paper. I would do a dozen college presentations in exchange for re-living the embarrassment of my first live shot on the evening news. The tears I shed dropping my daughter off at the kindergarten bus stop was nothing when I think about the day, I left her on a city campus to start life on her own.
Congratulate yourself if you are in the middle of something tough, ugly, or uncomfortable, you may be on the right track.
One step at a time
Get one part of your project completed today. Successfully cross one item off your to-do list. Feeling accomplished, even in small ways is critical for larger success.
I want to write a book one day. It feels overwhelming. I started by having the courage to start writing this column.
Share
Burdens are less when we share them. When you are handling hard stuff, it is difficult to ask for help, but do it anyway. One day you will be the person, someone is reaching out to for help. I guarantee it.
You Can Handle it
Know you can do hard things. Mental fortitude is necessary for success. Shortterm setbacks do not equate to failure. Have the patience and concentration to face what you are dealing with. If you don’t, you may miss the lesson that equips you for the next time. I am inspired by Lawson’s ability to convey to these young women what it takes to be resilient in the game of life. My 15-year-old self could have learned a lot from her. My fifty-something self certainly has.
Handle the hard stuff and be better off for it.
