Women Empowering Women Magazine- Spring 2014 by Restoration Fellowship Ministries

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

FASHION Spring –Summer Colour Trends

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

FROM THE EDITIOR Hello Ladies,

It gives me great pleasure to present our Special Spring Issue of Women Empowering Women Magazine. WEW is a magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, promoting her style, wholeness and spiritual etiquette and in this issue we have a range of topics discussing areas in our lives that we need a refreshing so that we can see who we really are in Christ. I would also like to welcome you to our 3rd annual Empowered Woman Conference; A Woman’s Sacred Calling. This is a call out to you….Christian Women, precious of daughters of our Most High God of this generation to grow up to the call that has been appointed to you so that you are able to stand in the time of adversity because your children, the younger generation need you to hand to them a baton that has been tried, tested and has succeeded against all odds. I leave you with these few questions…… What legacy are you leaving for those you are impacting? How would you like to be remembered by them? Is what you’re building based on a solid foundation that will continue to stand when you hand it down?

Be Empowered

A Magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, Promoting her Style, Wholeness and Spiritual Etiquette.

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58 SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

IS HAPPINESS A RESIDENT FEELING OR SHOULD IT BE PURSUED

CONTENTS 06 OPENING ARTICLE 06

God is Doing a New Thing

11 WOMEN STEPPING! 11

Valorie Burton Interview

18 HER STYLE 18

Nuggets to Freshen up your home for spring 24 Is developing a successful business the same as achieving purpose 28

Dressing Up Your Body Shape

23 WHOLENESS 34 Understanding your child’s love language 37 Two is Better than One Practical Tips to Help you 44 start a healthy nutrition

50 Making the most of Midlife Crisis 58 Is Happiness a Resident Feeling or Should it be pursued 61 The Obstacles Impeding the Success of some black women 70 Condemnation and Self Condemnation 76 LMPP Testimonies

80 SPIRITUAL ETIQUETTE 80 Walking out your Sonship 83 Being Relevant as a Young Christian Woman 87 Courage Will Never Let you Down 89 5 Business Kingdom Principles to Live By 90 A Woman’s Sacred Calling Speakers’ Profile

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6 | Special Feature

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Special Feature | 7

By Prophetess Jacqueline Ani

Since January 31st 2013, there has been a ringing in my spiritual ear……..God is doing a new thing! “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing. Now it will spring forth, will you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert”. Isaiah 43:18-19. We’re in a new season and God is using women to achieve His Purpose, His Plan and His Mandate. I am reminded of Moses in the Old Testament, who delivered the Israelites from Egypt, but he didn’t go into the Promise Land neither did the Israelites. A new season came when Moses died…. Moses my servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over to Jordan, you and this entire people, to land which I am giving to them – the

children of Israel. Joshua 1:2 God was doing a new thing then and he was going to use a younger generation to achieve His Plan. Moses didn’t enter the Promise Land because of his old belief system and being set in his ways, the Israelites didn’t enter the Promise Land because of their lack of faith; and whenever there is lack of faith, then fear is very predominant. Joshua was young, open, amenable, teachable and most of all willing and God used him to bring the Children of Israel into their Promise. Whenever God wants to break new ground, He will use those who have yielded their hearts to Him, who are pure, humble in spirit, willing. He never uses those who look like they know too much, have credentials from here to the North Pole, who have accolades of successes following them, who appear on TV with a SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

8 | Special Feature congregation in the thousands because with God it’s never about works, but only sacrificial willingness and obedience.

responsibility of raising their children, blaming them for not supporting them to attain a luxurious lifestyle has become an epidemic.

God is doing a new thing and I believe He is using a particular kind of woman to achieve this new thing.

We are in a season where the family unit is out of control.

For decades, the institution of the Church has been led by men who have dictated the responsibilities and role of women in the church. They have misquoted and misrepresented Paul’s scripture in Ephesians “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” And used it to subdue and oppress women into submitting out of control and compromise and as a result, women have not been able to operate in the truth out of “keeping a false sense of peace”. The enemy has used men to preach an incorrect doctrine that only seeks to create friction in relationships and in the community and as such, women have kept quiet out of compromise. Domestic Violence which also includes insulting words to demean a woman in the Christian community and including Pastors to their own wife’s has increased. Children brought up in Christian homes are either involved in gang culture and have been victims of knife crime (this is not to say all Christian children are in this situation) or they have pursued a life of reality TV as an agenda to become famous. The rate of sexual immorality and infidelity has risen and in some cultures, men abandoning their homes and leaving the wife to carry the SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

The enemy is on a rampage, attacking the minds of men (the spiritual heads of homes) to subdue and oppress women by intimidating and controlling tactics and women are not discerning that this issue is actually bigger than their homes, but he is using their homes as a starting point. Such behaviour in leadership is not from the Throne room and does not purport sound doctrine. Sound doctrine is biblical teachings that are based on the Bible rightly-divided and not on the traditions of man. Paul instructs us to “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth”. There are so many instances where the Word of God has been compromised by both the deliverer and the receiver of the word and each one seems to be reaping the consequences of this huge error, and both have become bound as a result of accepting the error. This is not the kind of church that Jesus Christ is coming back for. He is coming back for a blemished free church, a church without any wrinkles or blemish. Paul’s idea of the qualities of a sound church can be found in Titus…..and this includes all who are tired of living a compromised life in their homes, marriages, jobs, ministry and businesses…

Special Feature | 9 But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine and he advices older men, older women, young women and men in what sound doctrine really is….. God is doing a new thing and He is doing it with those who are speaking things and behaving in line with sound doctrine. In verse 3 of Titus Chapter 2, He admonishes older women in their speech and behaviour and advices them how to teach younger women to love their husbands and build their homes. God is using His daughters to bring His sons back to Him, it would seem that pride and wrong belief system stemming from pressures of daily living and a fear of failure have turned some men’s hearts away from the truth and its women who will pray them back, women with sound doctrine who will stand in the gap and pray men back to the cross, women whose purpose is to deliver their nation, women who had sound doctrine like Ruth, Esther, Deborah, Abigail, women who succeeded in delivering their nations. God is doing what He has always been doing, but in our time it’s a new thing and He’s doing it with women who are ready and willing to yield themselves to Him to be used for such a time as this. God is using women in the family through their hearts to bring the family unit in line with the Kingdom structure and mandate, but she has to be a holy woman, a woman who is pure, chaste, filled with the Holy Spirit, prayerful, discerning and most of all carrying and demonstrating the agape kind of love, this is a challenge for all of us to mature into such a responsibility, but we can do all things through Christ Jesus Who strengthens us; this is a profile He maturing us to so that He can use us to bring the family unit back to its original state. A woman with such a profile can allow the Holy Spirit in her to reach out to her husband when he is discouraged, to reach out to

her children gone astray, to reach out to those in desperate need in the community; she must know who she is in Christ, not be ruled by fear or intimidation, discern control and how to come against it and not bow to it. Resist the enemy in the adverse behaviour and he will flee, and at the same time demonstrate God’s Love to the person and in some cases such love is tough. The enemy uses pride, envy, control, tradition and culture amongst other things in men and women to subdue each other, but God is doing a new thing…. How long will you gad about, O you backsliding daughter? For the Lord has a created a new thing in the earth…….A Woman shall encompass (surround) a man. Jeremiah 31:22 Gad in this context means to move restlessly or aimlessly from one place to another Man in the context refers to a warrior, a man of bravery, courage, great strength This scripture refers to the female protecting the strong man; the weaker nature that needs help will surround the stronger with loving and fostering care. This expresses a new relation of Israel to the Lord, a new covenant, which the Lord will make with His people. And it refers to the relationship between a husband and wife. A woman who is filled with the Spirit of God can be used by God to bring her husband who was once out of the will of God due to iniquities in his heart and pressures of life back to his rightful spiritual leadership place in the family and in the church. Let’s not hold onto what was done before, or how it was done before because God is doing a new thing and he is using women with a sacred calling. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

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Special Interview | 11

Women

Stepping Out With Valorie Burton Best Selling Author, Speaker and Life Coach SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

12 | Women Stepping!

he first time I heard about Valorie Burton was when I was on holiday in America, New Jersey and she was being interviewed on CNN about the work she does with women. As I also have a similar passion about seeing women being set free to soar in every area of their lives, I plugged into the interview. She was actually promoting her fourth book titled Successful Women Think Differently. I immediately went out to buy the book and since then I have invested my time in listening to her coaching advice and tips from her weekly newsletter, which I find quite refreshing. Valorie Burton is a bestselling author, speaker, and life coach dedicated to helping people get unstuck and be unstoppable in every area of life. She is the founder of The Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute and has served as a Certified Personal and Executive Coach to hundreds of clients in over 40 states and ten countries. For more than a decade, Valorie’s books, speaking engagements, and coaching resources have helped people: I thought it would be a wonderful idea to feature Valorie Burton as a Women Stepping Out! for our Women Empowering Women Magazine Spring Issue. As with all the other women I have had the privilege to interview this

one is no exception.

that’s who I am and that is my purpose.

Please read why WEW think Ms Valorie Burton is a Woman Stepping Out into Purpose and how she has purposefully empowered, encouraged and enlightened women all over to pursue their purpose.

WEW: What/Who defines your purpose?

WEW: Who Is Valorie Burton? VB: I am a life coach and a writer and speaker. First and foremost I am a writer that’s my calling and then a speaker and my mission is to inspire women in particular to live more fulfilling lives. I discovered that calling in 1999 I had an epiphany about my life purpose and I started writing my first book and within three weeks of that and published it that year, so

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VB: I answered that, I would say, my mission is inspiring women to live more fulfilling lives. WEW: You have written 9 books and your latest books have been geared towards women (Successful Women Think Differently & Happy Women Live Better), what do you think are the constraints facing the development of women in our society? VB: Well, the ones we put on ourselves more than anything, and we have a lot of influences, I would call them influences and not constraints; that women maybe 30, 40 years ago didn’t have in such huge doses. Influences in media not just TV and

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14 | Women Stepping!

magazine which are a huge influence but also social media, the pressure to be perfect, to look perfect, to look a certain way, to climb the corporate ladder, start the big business and have a lot of other things going on including family and so forth, I think there’s a lot of pressure that many women feel and sometimes that pressure causes them to never feel that they’re measuring up or that they’re ever doing enough, so it leads to a lot of guilt and comparison and comparing

ourselves to other women and etc. and all of that together is extremely stressful and makes it harder to feel happy. WEW: How has your experience shaped where you are today? VB: Gee, that’s a broad question….. I think anyone’s experience shapes who they are, shapes your perspective. I do believe that growing up with my dad in the air force had a tremendous influence on me because I grew up moving,

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having to make friends quickly, moving to Germany when I was 7 years old, living there for 3 years, moving out to Colorado, spending my summers in South Carolina and I think, I was in a lot of different environments, therefore, I am comfortable with lots of different people. I’ve always been interested in people and other cultures and what makes people tick and so forth and so I think, my experiences growing up have shaped my personality in many ways and of course, you’re always going to be influenced by your family. My positivity comes from both of my parents who are very optimistic, very faith filled people who have been through a lot themselves and so I think my resilience from a large part comes from my parents. WEW: There are so many women who have a desire to step out, face their fears and achieve their dreams, in your experience and the tremendous work you do with women, what would you say are the main attributes of women not pursuing their dreams/ desires to achieve in life? VB: Most people don’t pursue their dreams is because they’re afraid. Fear is the biggest thing that holds people back, whether

Women Stepping! | 15 it’s the fear of failure of fear of success and all the responsibility and the expectation that comes with success, fear of rejection, and fear of disapproval what other people are going to think, all sorts of fears and if you can conquer your fears and when you do, it changes your life and what’s possible for you. But if you’re always are focusing on what you think might go wrong, you’re always going to be filled with fear instead focus on what could go right and it completely opens you up and that fear begins to overcome by the possibilities that you see for your future. WEW: Empowered Woman believes in empowering women from the inside out, in the world today, there is so much emphasis put on women to achieve financially, whilst this is important, how much of an importance is it against pursuing personal development? VB: I think that being able to achieve at a high level financially is partly about personal development. You know…. becoming the kind of woman whose able to manifest what you desire and being able to become the kind of woman who has the disciple to be able to be a good steward over the resources that they have…I don’t like to pip finances

against personal development, I think it takes strong personal development to be able to create financial opportunities. I do believe that we put way too much emphasis on the material wealth as a sign of success and not everybody’s calling is in a financial area where they will ever be able to have financial wealth. You may be called to do something that just doesn’t lend itself to that and so what is your measure of success? I think as women in decades past our measure of success was around our relationships, our family life and I think we’ve lost that in favour of job titles and money, which used to be how men judge their success and probably do, but I think we need to balance it out and you have to define what success looks like to you and if it has nothing to do with money, then that’s your definition and you need to embrace it. I don’t equate my success with money, I equate my success with the impact I have on the people that encounter me every day and who are able to be blessed by any work that I produce. You can have a ton of money, but if people in your house don’t respect you or don’t have good things to say about you, I don’t see how you can call that success. WEW: How would you help

someone who has experienced a setback in life? VB: Just know that setbacks are normal and you’re job is to learn how to be resilient in the face of setbacks. If you can continually overcome setbacks, you will succeed and so the question you must ask yourself is what is lesson for me here? What is my vision of where I am going in the future and where will go from here? The book I published that came out in 2011 talk about these commitments you have to make for yourself when you experience a setback, I discuss five commitments. I will not feel sorry for myself; I will not stare at the closed door; I will dig deep to gather all the courage I need; I will direct my thoughts, my thoughts will not direct me and I choose to believe all things work together for good. I think when you have a setback if you commit to those things, you will see yourself navigate yourself out of a setback. WEW: What is your advice to women who are interested in speaking and or writing as a profession? VB: Know what your purpose is and writing and speaking is a vehicle to a greater purpose. If it’s just about oh I want to write and want to speak but you don’t

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16 | Women Stepping! know what your message is, you have to go back and get clear about your message, otherwise it will fall flat. Never give up, I think a lot of people go into it and think…oh it will all come together in a year or two years, you have to persevere for a long time, most writers don’t make a living unless they live very, very meagre lives (laughs). Be willing to be into for the long haul, but have passion about it and have passion about people and stick with it and know your message and deliver it in a way that is comfortable and makes sense for you. Don’t copy anybody else; I think that’s really critical. WEW: The Empowered Woman Conference 2014 is geared towards the older women pursuing eternal happiness so that they in turn can teach and guide the younger women to live healthier, happy lives (taken from Titus 2:35), as a woman who has experienced circumstances and turned it around to become a beacon to others, what is your advice to the younger woman of our generation and those yet to come? VB: Be patient, be persistent and be passionate. You live one time this is not a dress rehearsal. Quit thinking that you’re too young to do stuff, age is a number, if you feel

called to something do it. I wrote my first book at 26, what right did I have to share wisdom with people, but that’s what I felt God told me I had to do and He opened that door. You got to have the confidence to know that whatever you’re called to do, those doors will open. But you’ve got to be persistent, you’ve got to be passionate, you’ve got to be patient and we live in a culture that people expect things immediately, we expect everything immediately, we get our pictures immediately, we get our food immediately, and we get everything immediately. I can talk to you via video right now from across the Atlantic Ocean with that you don’t have to dial an operator. We live in this instant culture and I think it foster this sense that we’re entitled to have everything we want when we say we want it and that’s not how life works (chuckles) so get clear about what you want and be willing to take risks and have the courage because you’re going to be afraid while you’re doing it, but you will not regret going for the things you really want; what you will regret is not going for the things you really want, even if you fail, you won’t regret going for it.

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WEW: Finally, for all our readers, what is the best way to subscribe to your work? VB: Well I would love for them to take my Happy Woman Test, find out what their happiness portion is and find out what their top and bottom triggers are. Those bottom triggers, the power triggers are the ones that have the most potential to boost your happiness. You can go to happywomantest.com and you will find all the information on Happy Woman Live Better and of course on my website, I do a weekly newsletter called “The Coaching Session” which will give you great coaching questions every week on how to coach yourself to be happier and more fulfilled and you can find that at valorieburton.com and of course they can also find me on Facebook and Twitter. But if you start at valorieburton.com, you’ll find everything I’m talking about on there. Valorie Burton is a life coach, author, and motivational speaker. She is also the founder of the Coaching and Positive Psychology Institute. To view more on Valorie Burton, please visit www.valorieburton.com

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18 | Her Style

Nuggets to Your Home for Spring By Toks Aruoture

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Her Style | 19 Listen! I hear the voice of someone shouting, "Make a highway for the LORD through the wilderness. Make a straight, smooth road through the desert for our God. Fill the valleys and level the hills. Straighten out the curves and smooth off the rough spots. Then the glory of the LORD will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The LORD has spoken!" Isaiah 40:3-5 NLT

Springtime is a time for clearing out the old and making room for the new. We clean out the residue of winter, remove cobwebs, reach into untouched crevices in our homes and clear it all out. I am sitting on my bed, typing away and I’ve just

concentration and it is

the trouble spots. Are you

glanced up at my desk. It is

unsightly. Clutter is visual

going to do the clearing out

a sight for sore eyes. My

noise and the more of it

on the weekends or have

official excuse for an untidy

there is the louder the

you got time during the

desk is this; ‘the mind of a

clanging.

week? What is your

creative person does not work

As we are on the verge of

objective? Assuming you

in a neat, orderly fashion, like

changing seasons, there is

fall into the envied five

the minds of logical people’.

no better time to declutter

percent of folks who don’t

The truth however is that an

your home than now. The

need to declutter, your goal

adage, a place for

might be to simply freshen

cluttered living space does

everything and everything

up your space.

no good to anyone’s

in its place rings true.

Either way divide your plan

creativity. Like cobwebs it

Start with a plan. Don’t

into as many rooms as you

draws your eye towards it,

simply jump in and start to

want to clean out. Sitting

distracting you from doing

sort things out. Take a tour

room, bedrooms,

anything with full

of your home to highlight

bathrooms, etc. and tackle it

untidy desk or indeed a

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20 | Her Style room by room.

Decide beforehand that you are going to enjoy this process. Seeing it as an unavoidable task takes the joy out of it. Some people donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the opportunity

For a lot of families the kitchen is the hub of the home, therefore clutter is not restricted to old plastic containers or bowls with missing or cracked lids. Clutter extends to old sheets of homework, drawings of your little ones, Easter craft work and mothersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; day cards, all handmade too the personal and affectionate nature makes this a challenge to attend to. Do I file away yet another star of the week card, or leave it on display to boost their confidence? A suggestion would be to purchase some colourful storage boxes, make sure the pattern is welcoming and the colour coordinates with your decor. There are boxes for every taste, from quirky and unusual to smart and contemporary. Your goal is to store items in a fashionable way. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Her Style | 21 The truth is no one needs 100 old Chinese takeaway containers. Other culprits are mis-matched lids, discoloured containers, those with broken handles, etc. While you may feel it is such a waste to get rid of a ‘perfectly good bowl’ in reality, keeping it doesn’t make sense if it is taking up valuable space and it falls out of the cupboard every time you open the door. God created us to appreciate beauty, so when you surround yourself with the broken and the discoloured, it is bound to have a negative effect on you. This is also a good time to reorganise your cupboards. Frequently used items should be within reach, group items together by use, e.g. utensils and plates, aprons and kitchen towels. Need a new set of pots? Choose a bright colour that

Do you have items in the sitting room that

can double up as decor. Space is

belong perhaps in the dining room, or

sometimes an issue in the kitchen; utilise

utility room? Remember the adage, a

dead spaces like under the top cupboards

place for everything and everything in its

for hanging towels or mugs, behind the

place?

door for hanging brooms and brushes-

Your sitting room should be relaxing and

which by the way do not have to be

inviting. Relaxing as it is where you

boring and grey.

unwind after a long day at work, inviting

Open shelving is great for cookbooks,

because that is where you receive your

condiments and caddies, while closed

guests.

cupboards are great for dry foods, tins and cereal boxes.

Common issues in the sitting room include old and dated magazines being held on to for a single article, flattened cushions with pretty covers, puffy cushions with dated covers. Another SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

22 | Her Style

pretty stationary purchasering binders or display folders with transparent sleeves will solve the magazine problem. Throws and new cushion covers will instantly transform your living room. If your shelves or mantelpiece has become a dumping ground for unopened letters and broken ornaments which will ‘one day’ be repaired, either get rid of the shelf or use it for books and some handpicked decorative items. A small plant, large letters, picture frames will breathe freshness into your living space. Clothes, clothes and more clothes; shoes more than you can count? Sort out using three words- donate, trash, keep. And in the keeping, divide them into frequent and infrequent use, as well as by seasons. Shoes can go in stylish shoe boxes, especially if you don’t have the wardrobe space to store them out of sight. Shoe boxes are preferable to shoe racks, as it makes your space look less cluttered, and stops the shoes from collecting dust. Sometimes we hold onto bed linens for This storage unit from Laura Ashley can be used for storing both shoes and bags. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

sentimental reasons. This is fine if you

Her Style | 23

have the space. But if we keep buying more linens without getting rid of the old, we do need to rethink that plan. A linen storage unit which can be used as a window seat is the best solution for storing linens and towels. Where there are constraints due to space, the airing cupboard is the next best option, or a vacuum bag.

Clear out your cupboard, ditch old and expired creams and makeup, and rearrange whatever is left and

The bedroom must be serene, calming

useful neatly. If you don’t have a

and relaxing, this is where you end

favourite fragrance, go hunting for

your day and begin a new one, so it

one, you’ll be surprised how much

does need extra care and attention. Use

difference one lotion or shower gel

this decluttering time to reanalyse your

has over another.

colours- can it do with some sprucing up? Colours like lavender, green and blue- all in light shades are calming

Is your bath panel and toilet seat in need of replacement? Go for it!

colours. Yellow can also be used in the bedroom, but make sure you keep the

Once done, reward yourself with a

shades fairly light and pastel if being

trip to the spa, or the movies, you’ve

used on the walls. Accessorize with

earned it!

cushions, throws, scented candles and a new blind or pair of curtains in your chosen hue.

Toks Aruoture is a baby and

child interior designer and the creative director at Punkin Patch Interiors- a boutique specializing in the production of luxury furniture and linens for babies and children. She is married with four boys. When not designing rooms or chasing after her sons she can be found blogging at www.pawpawandmango.com and inspiremeinc.wordpress.com Toks Aruoture ...the joy of living! Stop by my blogs! www.pawpawandmango.com www.inspiremeinc.wordpress.com www.punkin-patch.com SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

24 | Her Style

Successful Business

Purpose by Sharon Mclean BA

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Her Style | 25

hen I think of the word purpose, the questions that come to my mind are what is your reason for living? What gifts and talents do you have? and what are you meant to be doing with your life while you are on this earth? You could answer that question in a range of different ways. People who have businesses have set up for

than stopping at offering the product or

many different reasons. Some for fame, some

service for money? Have you ever

for money, some to be their own boss, some

considered praying for your customers in

as an opportunity they have been given.

your quiet time or out loud with them if they

What ever your reason for setting up a

are comfortable?

business or wanting to have a successful

What gifts and talents do you have?

business it is important to look deeper at the reason why. We will look at these questions individually.

Consider the gifts and talents you have been given. Is there a deeper theme to what you are doing or should be doing? Consider the following scenerio a hairdresser who has

What is your reason for living? Some people exist from day to day going along with the flow thinking whatever will be will be. As believers we are put on this earth to glorify Christ in whatever we do. So if you are running a business and the money is coming in and you are spending think harder on how you can achieve purpose through your business. Consider the following. Is there a particular group of customers that you can share the gospel with through the way you conduct your business by being honest in your dealings, having integrity, offering special discounts to loyal

been running a successful salon for years making money from it but has a passion for encouraging women and helping the elderly. She loves volunteering at a women’s group and the elderly project in her community and is very good at listening also. When she goes to these groups she comes alive and nothing is too difficult for her to do but when she goes to work she just sees it as a job to pays the bills. Judge for yourself where her passion lies and what you think she should be doing as a next step in her life. What are you meant to be doing with your life while you are on this earth?

customers, going that extra mile? Do you

The scripture that comes to mine is “Occupy

see your business as a ministry to go deeper

until I come” That word occupy means do

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26 | Her Style business until I come. What business should you be doing? The answer is whatever you are called to do. How will you know? Through prayer, seeking clarification, following your passion and looking at where your gifts skills and abilities lie. Every gift you have been given should be utilised. I grew up having a heart for people. My passion has always been helping people to be their best. Between my twenties to thirties I spent my time selling jewellery, Avon, trying to make flowers, selling cakes and a whole host of things. These ventures all involved interacting with people I trained academically in business and as a counsellor. I worked in numerous jobs and was successful as a marketing manager and a financial planner. It was not until I was off work with my young son for a year that I realised my main calling was in the area of serving people in business. I spent a whole year researching my market talking to people about what they needed and launched business with excellence 11 years ago. The business is successful as I am doing what I am called to do and walking in my purpose. A successful business is not just about the money. In the early years when I was serving customers I did not have enough money to live on as the business took time to build up but I was still walking in my purpose. I did other things to bring income into my hands as it was still my responsibility and my husband’s to provide for our family. Whether you are in business, ministry, serving your family or working in a job it is always important to find out your purpose. Purpose is the reason behind what you do. What is the reason why you are doing what you are doing? My reason is to serve the people in SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

business. If I was not paid to do this I would still do it. It is my calling and a part of who I am. For those of you who still want to find out the reason why you do things look deeper into yourself and look at how you can be serving others with your gifts and talents and look at what you are passionate about. This may take time and especially in the surroundings where you have no distractions and you can think clearly. What thoughts or dreams do you have that have never left you? What have you always wanted to do but have not done yet? You are steps away from discovering your purpose. So back to our question is developing a successful business the same as achieving purpose? Yes if you are doing what you are called to do No If you are successful and not doing what you are called to do. In your heart you will know the answer. My encouragement to you is to always walk in your purpose where you will feel fulfilled satisfied and most of all be pleasing God. Here are some of the benefits to others when you walk in your purpose regarding your business  



People will benefit from your expertise and skill You will continually be providing your customers with tangible and intangible products and services long after they have bought from you. Examples of this include renewed confidence, direction, peace, faith Others will be encouraged by your action

Be successful in business and walk in purpose

Her Style | 27

The Pioneer's Mentoring Franchise Programme (PMFP) The Pioneer Mentoring for Purpose Franchise Programme will seek to apply the following activities to assist you to launch a Kingdom focused training programme using the TEACH – TRAIN – EMPOWER principle.

For more information visit SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

28 | Her Style

By Bukky Ayoade

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Her Style | 29 In our previous articles we highlighted COLOUR and how important it is to understand colours that suit your natural colouring; this is one of the fundamentals of style. In this edition, we’ll touch on another basic styling principle, which is “Dressing for your body shape”.

The outline you see would usually fall into one of the categories in the figure below:

Dressing for your body shape Once you’ve sussed what colours suit you best and make you “pop” the next crucial thing to crack on your personal style journey is to understand what body shape you are and the styles of clothes that suit that shape.

You must

have heard of the various body shapes being referred to as pear, apple, rectangle/ column etc. well you need

Further professional guidance is possibly required to help you gain further insight into the style of clothes and fabrics that suit particular body shapes but I’ll share a few tips here: 

A pear shaped

to find out which category

person, with a small

your body shape falls into

top and fuller

& also the best styles for

bottom will suit A-

that shape. A quick way to

line NOT pencil

determine your body shape is to dress in a black t- shirt (slightly hugging) and black leggings and stand in front of a full length mirror.

skirts, boot cut trousers and princess seam dresses best.



A column shaped person would suit a pencil skirt and straight leg trousers best.



An apple shaped person with a fuller tummy is advised to steer clear of tops in fabrics that hug but rather try a princess seamed shirt in stretch cotton or something that eases over the tummy area rather than clinging.

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

30 | Her Style Also, you could go up a

improve any

size if necessary to

silhouette instantly.

prevent your buttons from gaping if you have

Understanding your

a fuller bust.

body shape and

A wonderful way to

clothes/fabrics that

control a pronounced

suit will help avoid

tummy is to use

your clothes looking

shapewear as

and feeling too tight

undergarments. These

as you will get the

“miracle workers”

right fit for your clothes.

It’s also worth mentioning here, ready to wear items from the stores are made to standard sizing which doesn’t necessarily take account of the “variety” of form of women’s bodies so it may be necessary to go up a size with some items and have alterations made. A classic example I find with myself is I have a size 10 waist but being an endowed African woman, have size 12 hips. I can never find size 10 trousers that work for me, so I buy size 12 trousers and have the waist altered to my waist size and “voila” I have trousers SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Her Style | 31 that fit and look perfect! You can find a professional alteration service at most decent drycleaners on the high street. Knowing your body shape also means knowing your best assets. A style savvy woman wants to show these off the most and I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean flash your flesh, but modestly flaunt your best bits, be it your bustline, waist or legs etc. Some tips here:

Cross Over Tops You could wear a crossover top to highlight a nice bustline.

Skirts Belts If you have an accentuated waist then use belts creatively to draw attention to that area.

If you have nice legs then show them off, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t keep them covered in skirts that are too long or in trousers all the time! And you can still wear skirt in winter!

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

32 | Her Style So my “Action Points” for you in this edition are: 

Find out what category your body shape falls into?



Choose 3 things about your body you’d like to highlight?

Happy exploring and embrace the results you find and your wonderful body! If you want to take this any

As I close, here’s a reminder of the

further you may consider seeking the

Spring/Summer 2014 colour palette.

help of a professional.

More fabulous colours to work with, you can use these colours for tops, accessories, makeup etc. again bearing in mind what suits your natural colouring. We’re sure you’ll agree, it’s definitely a bright pallete; we recommend you embrace the colour and body shape tips we’ve shared and you’ll definitely shine bright like a diamond!! Till next time, blessings to you!

2014 Spring/Summer Palette

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Bukky Ayoade ~

“RabunaStylist” is Principal Consultant at Rabuna Image Consultancy You can contact her via: t: +2348132988304 or +447984374064 e: rabunastylist@gmail.com Facebook: Rabuna Image Consultancy Twitter: @Rabunalmage © Rabuna Image Consultancy 2014 All Rights Reserved

Our Service Bringing about transformation and a boost in self esteem and confidence by inspiring and empowering you to feel and look good . We work with our clients to help them discover and appreciate their inherent qualities and learn skills to help them look their best and become transformed. We work with teams or organisations to help them enhance their image to increase effectiveness and productivity.

Specialties Colour Analysis, Style Analysis, Personal Shopping, Wardrobe Management and Public Speaking.

Bukky Ayoade ~ â&#x20AC;&#x153;RabunaStylistâ&#x20AC;? is Principal Consultant at Rabuna Image Consultancy

t: +2348132988304 or +447984374064 e: rabunastylist@gmail.com Facebook: Rabuna Image Consultancy Twitter: @Rabunalmage SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

34 | Wholeness

By Amma Frimpong

In the Winter Issue of WEW, I discussed the issues affecting poor parenting in the lack of knowledge in the spiritual battle we as parents are in. I believe that parents as warriors have not studied the enemy and his tactics so we are not armed enough with intelligence regarding his strengths and weaknesses

There are so many strategies to be

and how he can penetrate through to

implored before waging war against

our children subtly.

our enemies and one of the ways is

In this piece, I would like to discuss a

identifying our child's love language.

very powerful but subtle weapon that

The 5 Love languages has been

could be used which is called love

developed and written by Gary

language. If the bible clearly states that

Chapman to help us identify how we

children are like arrows in a warriorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

can express our love towards one

hand, it therefore implies that parents

another in a way that is relevant to the

who have taken the position of a

individual we can relate with. It is very

warrior should obtain guidance before

easy to say that one should identify

we wage war. It says in proverbs 20:18,

your partner's love language for the

"Plans are established by seeking advice; so

relationship to grow but we hardly

if you wage war, obtain guidance".

think that a healthy relationship is not only between husband and wife but

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 35 also between parents and children. According to Gary Chapman’s book on 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical tough and quality time. I call these languages subtle but highly effective weapons against the enemy because when administered effectively, it

until it becomes a moral compass in his

gives the parent the opportunity to know

journey in life as they identify their

your child and more importantly, to

purpose later on. The bible rightly says

bring out the best in him or her as God

that “train up a child in the way he should

has designed it to be. I realised that it

go [and in keeping with his individual gift or

takes a conscious effort on the part of the

bent], and when he is old he will not depart

parent to firstly, identify your child’s

from it (Proverbs 22:6 AMP).

love language and secondly to

I thank God and I can testify to the fact

consistently communicate with him or

that I had a child who was a bit

her regardless of your child’s behaviour.

challenging and rebelled against any

I made mention of the word consistent

form of authority at home or in school

because from personal experience and

until we started communicating to him

that of parents I have come across, I

in his love language which happened to

realised that some cultures for instance,

be words of affirmation and it made the

might not be used to setting time aside to

difference both in his attitude at home

in order to spend quality time with their

and on is grades in school. Basically, the

children or even hugging them. Trivial as

difference was that, we brought out the

it may sound, those subtle

king in him regardless of the behaviour

communication tools could go a long

displayed and he had no choice but to

way to show your child the love of Christ

walk in the belief we had in him. The

through you and also to nurture them

bible says in Luke 1;80 that “and the little

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

36 | Wholeness

boy grew and became strong in spirit; and

them and hence will be courageous

he was in the deserts (wilderness) until the

enough to inherit every land they tread on.

day of his appearing to Israel [the

The bible says in Isaiah 11;6 AMP, “ and

commencement of his public ministry]. I

the wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the

believe that there was a parent(s) behind

leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf

the scenes of this child, who nurtured the

and the young lion and the fatted domestic

little boy for him to become strong in spirit

animal together; and a little child shall lead

until the day of his appearing.

them.“

The bible says that “praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. (Psalm 144:1 NIV). I thank God that regardless of your background, race and culture, the word of God is sharper than any double edged sword, hence we can all depend on the word of God to learn how to communicate effectively with our children as we allow God to train our hands for war to transcend culture and every kind of barrier we may have due to our background, race and mind-sets.

It is my prayer that parents will take hold of this weapon so that our children will believe in themselves that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Amma Frimpong is

an ex mentee of The Mentoring Academy, a parent advisor and trainer.

TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE

Wholeness | 37

But the Wrong Two Creates a Mess…A Man’s Perspective By Charles Emeka

very time I meet or see people I have not seen for a while, their usual question is how is married life? And my response is usually the same. Females that are not married expect me to start painting this picture of Romeo and Juliet & males that are not married expect me to paint this picture of no freedom, lock down and fun times are over. My response usually is as simple as this, two is better than one and we are working it out. That may not sound like a great advert but it is an honest and transparent response. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. Considering that part of my work for the last 12 years is hosting wedding receptions, I too often see couples ready for their wedding day but not ready for their marriage. Some of my clients have spent more than 2 years planning for their wedding day but less than 90 days

preparing for their marriage. The words I do are the magical words most people will one day like to hear and say in their lifetime as they tie the knot in the presence of family and friends. But sometimes the wedding day happiness comes at a huge cost. People are willing, to get loans and borrow and spend way above their means for a day. Too often the obsession with having such a special day blinds couples to the reality of what will happen next. Trying to impress the crowd leaves a lot of couples in trouble from the get go. There is life after that one day’s event and as a result, so many couples are having a false start in marriage.

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38 | Wholeness I remind my clients all the time when they start arguing over the brand of champagne, which caterer to use, what are the colours & which family member will say the opening prayer, there is a major difference between being ready for the wedding and being ready for the marriage. If you have to borrow to buy it, then you do not need it. I also think the wedding planning can reveal to some couples that they are making a mistake however some will ignore the signs because they want that memorable day. What really matters is not the ceremony but the life after that glamorous day.

on somebody else. From how fast I drove to what I spent my money on, to agreeing how many children to have, where to live, where we would go on holiday, how ? We all need assistance and encouragement but it is not your job to take on a welfare project. Being the often we would visit family and friends and the biggest one was now being willing to accommodate two purposes within one vision. I was now responsible for supporting and assisting somebody else to have a fun filled life that gave her fulfilment. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.

A few months before I got married, my life was like a carnival and my phone was ringing as if I worked in a call centre. People were demanding seats for themselves, family members and friends. Some even said, whether they are invited or not, they will be there. There was so much excitement and anticipation and people could not wait for the wedding of the guy that had hosted hundreds of other weddings but by 1am the next day after the event, it quickly dawned on me that the crowd was gone and the phone had immediately stopped ringing. It was now down to two individuals to find out if we had signed up for a wedding or a marriage. It was up to two individuals to decide on a destination and choose a map to get there. It was down to two individuals to be willing to give up space and share space. Give up being right for what is right. It was no longer about me but us. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.

I have not always been good at compromising, communicating at committing. I was now supposed to protect her and not abuse her. Help her, not hinder her, comfort her and not leave her discomforted. My job was now to bless her and not curse her. Two is better than one but the wrong two creates a mess. The truth is I am convinced that there is no such thing as being prepared and ready for marriage because the situation is not real until it is real but I do think it’s a good idea to separate the wedding from the marriage and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons with the right person with the right mission and mandate long term.

‘Give up being

right for what is right.’

I no longer had the right to get on a plane in a moment’s notice without consulting anybody. I had to learn that every action I took impacted

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

When it comes to relationships, we need to get real. You have issues and you have challenges and you have weaknesses, so why would you be expecting somebody that does not have anyman is not what you wear, what you drive or where you live. Being the man is about what’s happening on the inside. For me being the man is more about your habits, attitude, actions and beliefs. It is possible for me to

Wholeness | 39

dress up my ignorance & stupidity and if you have no discernment, you will think THAT I AM Godâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gift. If I am the man because of stuff, what am I when I lose the stuff? Don't step to me based on what you see because tomorrow I may not have it. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. A woman cannot complete a man & a man cannot complete a woman. What you already are, will magnify when you step into a relationship. We are different but none of us are deficient and that is

important to remember. We have different needs and operate from different stand points. A woman needs security first, a man needs respect first. You can't change that so acknowledge it. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. Whenever we meet someone and want to take the relationship further, we need to understand we just took on a new assignment. We need to be ready for work, we need to be ready to cultivate and make better because there are no finished art pieces out there. If you are not willing to

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

40 | Wholeness invest and serve the other person, then leave them alone. One of the things God wants men to do is to cultivate which is to make things better so looking for a finished woman is counter -productive and at the same time looking for an already made man will set you up for a major accident. Your first question should always be what am I bringing to the table? I believe as men we can take the raw material of a woman and cultivate and help her fulfil her purpose and potential. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. So if you are married and are frustrated with the man or woman you have, the real question is what role have you played in cultivating or not cultivating your better half. My personal opinion and belief is that believers should not marry unbelievers and unbelievers should not marry believers simply because relationships are no mean feat and if you start off in disagreement on core values and morals that will only magnify and cause more stress as you keep moving along in your journey. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess

& your self-esteem. You can’t trust everybody, believe everybody and fall in love too quickly. The more mistakes you make, your level of expectation starts to diminish. Your unfortunate experiences of yesterday do not have to be your final reality. A better relationship starts with a better you. You can’t give what you don’t have. If you don’t love you, then you’re not going to be able to love me. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.

I pray you find the right person. I pray you become the right person. I pray you do not choose the wrong mate. Every time you pick the wrong person, it effect’s your confidence

The thing is, when relationships die, trauma remains even when we put our best face on it. Divorce is a death without a burial. There is never ever any real closure.

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 41 Even if you don't see that person, you see that person & they are still there. Divorce is the ripping apart of two souls. The wedding day looks like a beautiful cake but we need to invest time to get the right ingredients before the cake turns out bad. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. If your mind set and focus from the beginning is I want to help this person fulfil their purpose, which is a great place to start. That is why the first questions to ask is what is it you see and where is it you want to go? Remember where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable and guaranteed. If you don’t know where you are going, all roads lead to nowhere. If you don’t where you are going, somebody else will decide for you and then one day you wake up in a marriage and realise this is not where I want to be or planned to be. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.

Anything with two heads is a monster. The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is competition. If your partner wants you to fail, then you’re in trouble. When we become me, you’re about to experience a train crash. You must remain the number one fan, supporter, endorser and encourager of your partner. If you are not pushing your partner somebody eventually will and the appreciation that should have been reserved for you will be passed on to somebody else and then that will create jealousy. Jealousy goes hand in hand with insecurity and before you know it, your comrade becomes your competitor. We are always reminded that there is no I in the word team and together everyone achieves more. Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess.

‘Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if there is agreement and unity. ’

Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if there is agreement and unity. Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if you genuinely want your spouse to win and win big. Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if you are willing to serve and sacrifice. Marriage can create an opportunity to fulfil purpose if there is respect and one vision. One vision does not mean one person’s vision but bringing the dreams, goals and desires of both parties under one roof. Where there are two visions, there will be division.

If you don’t see your partner’s victory as your victory and your partner’s loss as your loss, then it’s only a matter of time before the gap will become apparent and when the gap becomes apparent, two things will happen, the man will no longer feel respected and the woman will no longer feel secure. When that happens, a man starts thinking about who else respects them and the woman starts thinking about who else makes her feel secure and appreciates her. The longer you have been married, I am sure the harder it gets to remember why you got married. You did not get married for the kids so don’t just say you will stay

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

42 | Wholeness because of the kids. One day, the kids will leave home and what will you have left? Get back to basics and take a trip back down memory lane. Remember why the two of you decided that two is better than one. As a believer, I would say get back into the word to find your purpose as a man and as a woman, get back into the word to find your purpose as a husband and as a wife. Get back into prayer because that will make a massive difference. More word, more wisdom, more prayer, more power. No word, no wisdom, no prayer, no power. The wedding that probably caused so much stress has come and gone and all you have left is the marriage. So the question is what are you going to do with it? Two is better than one, but the wrong two creates a mess. In all you do, be the best and never forget that you were born to win.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Get back to basics and take a trip back down memory lane.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Charles Emeka is

an entrepreneur, author, toastmaster & speaker that has established a reputation for delivering high quality training and personal development programmes in educational and communal institutions and within ministries. Charles is also the founder of a not for profit inspiration and growth social enterprise called Charles Emeka Youth. Charles Emeka has overcome an incredible life of untold challenges to be who he is today. No person ever needs to go through what Charles has been through to discover who they are. His first book, Against All Odds takes you on a journey through Charles past life of pain, frustration and regrets. What was a setback triggered his comeback. Against All Odds will empower and inspire you to fulfil your potential, recognise your choices and give you the boldness and courage to unleash the winner within. His mess has now become his message. www.charlesemeka.com

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

44 | Wholeness

Developing a

Healthy Nutrition Operate in a

Sound Mind By Judy Toorie

When you think about nutrition for health, what feelings does this conjure in your mind? The word nutrition means “the process of eating the right kind of food so you can grow properly and be healthy”. The word health means, “the condition of being well or free from disease, the overall condition of someone's body or mind”- MerriamWebster Dictionary. It is used to describe a person’s mental or physical condition, which includes well-being and soundness. This does not only mean our physical outward appearance but also what is happening on the inside. Our regular daily intake of the right nutrients and fluids that our body need will help to not only keep our body nourished but also our minds. We will be more alert, having more energy to take on our daily activities and our emotional wellbeing will also benefit from this. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 45

As women of purpose and destiny, it is important that we take care and look after our total well-being. Our lives are not only just to be lived for us but we must also see the bigger picture of God’s plan for us to impact and transform the lives of others. It is vitally important that we take care of our inner being by firstly taking a daily dose of the Word of God, through prayer and meditating on the Word, this helps to keep our mind and spirit strengthened. God’s Word in Joshua 1 : 8 and Rom 12 : 2 tells us that “we have the mind of Christ” In order to have a sound mind, healthy nutritional daily meals combined with

‘It

is vitally important that we take care of our inner being by firstly taking a daily dose of the Word of God…’

regular exercise and the recommended 8 hours sleep at night, is also known to help to improve our mental state and having a healthy body means, we need to also take care of our mind.

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46 | Wholeness

A daily intake of colourful fresh vegetable and fruits is part of the government recommended 5 a day. This can be in the form of freshly steamed vegetables, juicing vegetables and

dairy and fibre into daily intake of

fruit, or chopping and eating raw fruits or

nutrients, can also play a part in helping to

vegetables. With some fruits, you would

keep our bodies and mind strong and

have to be careful, as fruits like bananas,

healthy. Our mental health is key to

grapes and pineapples have high sugar

having and maintaining our well-being.

content. . Vegetables such as broccoli,

The recommended daily amount of water

carrots, spinach, sweet potatoes, beans

is 8 glasses a day. Our bodies need

and peas are some examples of the

constant intake of water to replace what

vegetables you can incorporate into your

the body uses just by doing normal

food intake. The vegetables you eat can be

everyday functions such as going to the

fresh, frozen or canned.

bathroom, sweating and exhaling. You

Incorporating protein, carbohydrates,

need to replace this lost water, in order to

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 47

prevent dehydration. Suggested tips to help increase your fluid intake e.g. carry a bottle of water every day in your handbag and sip it throughout the day. Have a glass of water or a bottle on your desk daily and drink it throughout the day. Drink a glass of water before every meal, this will help to decrease your appetite and help to cut down on your food intake and lose weight. If you do not like to drink water on its own, a good tip would be to add

longer. Protein such as lean red meat, and skinless chicken, either grilled or oven baked. Seafood, beans, peas, eggs and unsalted nuts and seeds are also sources of protein.

some lemon or lime to it.

Dairy

Other small changes you can make to

Try to make most of your choices of this

improve your intake of more water could

category fat-free or low-fat. Milk, cheese

be to replace the number of caffeine i.e.

and yoghurts, all have some source of

coke, coffee you drink by reducing it to 2

calcium, which is needed for the body on

times a day and having a glass of water

a daily basis.

the other two times a day. Try to limit

Carbohydrates

fruit juices, as they also have a high amount of sugar.

Whole grains Whole grains and refined grains, such as whole grain cereals, crackers, oatmeal

Sources of good carbohydrates are nuts, brown rice, potatoes, whole grain pastas and seeds.

Fitness

and brown rice. These play an essential

Being active also helps you to stay

role in your daily allowance of fibre and

healthy and feel good. It is a stage of

can also help to keep you fuller for

physical, mental and spiritual well-being.

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48 | Wholeness

On a physical level, your health reflects how well your body functions in terms of allowing you to carry out your daily activities. It is also a reflection of your

‘Anyone can change their eating habits and become healthier…’

state of mind. For example, if you’re a car owner and use the car for daily chores like school drop offs and pickups, you can walk them to school, going for a walk after your evening meal, swimming, joining a gym and attending classes. To help motivate you; you can join with a neighbour or friend and both encourage each other daily. When you exercise, it releases endorphins, which gives you that feel good factor. It has been proven to help in reducing stress levels, improve sleep patterns and give you

late at night, this habit took time to

more energy and can also improve your

create and can take time to be changed.

mental agility.

We can start off by replacing chocolate

Anyone can change their eating habits

with a healthy snack bar, fizzy drinks or

and become healthier; the way we eat

tea and coffee with some water with

and drink is a mind-set. We can change

lemon or lime. Try to cut down on your

what we eat and drink gradually by

caffeine intake, as this can also improve

taking small daily steps and being

your mental/physical agility. If you eat

consistent. Some of us comfort eat or eat

fast food regularly daily, you can cut down your intake to once weekly and

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 49

eventually once monthly. You can bulk cook at the weekend, packaging and freezing food for the coming week.

Try to control your portion sizes, by not over filling your plate. Introducing a healthy diet and sticking to it means being motivated……Don’t

You can also carry fruits, mixed nuts and seeds in your handbag; this also includes fresh chopped vegetables or fruits, such as carrots, celery or apples. The body gets energy from the food that it takes in. If you eat cakes, crisps, biscuits and chocolates, these are very

put it off for another day what you could do today, start now! You will reap and enjoy the benefits with time! A nutritious diet with an active lifestyle is the key to optimum health and well-being.

high in calories and can be a quick sugar fix, which does not last long but is very high in calories. Instead, have a handful of mixed unsalted nuts with seeds, which gives a slow release of energy and fills you up for a longer period of time. Or you can have a couple of pieces of fruits, such as apple, orange, kiwi or banana. These can be great as snacks, as they are filling and also nourishing to have if you get peckish in between meals. You also need to bear in mind that nuts can be high in calories, so go easy on the nuts. Wherever possible choose foods,

Judy Toorie is an ex

mentee of The Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme at The Mentoring Academy and graduated in 2012. Judy is an IT Teacher/ Trainer and has a passion to see women enjoy their lives to the maximum by being physically, mentally, emotional and spiritually whole. As a mentor she encourages women to eat healthy and exercise. She lives by a scripture - 3 John 2 “Beloved I wish that you would prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers”. Judy has a passion for nutrition, health and fitness and believes that taking care of our well-being, helps to fulfil our purpose and destiny.

which are grilled, poached or baked, rather than fried. Being healthy is about your total well-being.

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50 | Wholeness

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Making the Most of

Midlife Crisis By Dion Johnson

Hands up if you are a woman over forty

you can recognise midlife crisis and

who is feeling a tad stuck in a rut…

actually make it work for you. You’ll

stifled by the mundane, humdrum

learn how to treat it like the new

routine of work and life and

beginning it really is.

experiencing a mounting dissatisfaction

When I was growing up, it was normal

with the same ole same ole… could it be

for women in their forties and fifties to

that you might be experiencing a midlife

begin looking forward to slowing down

crisis?

personally and professionally when

Many people don’t know that the

mortgages were almost paid off, the

Midlife Crisis is a normal transitional

children grown, and retirement was

phase of work and life and actually a

imminent.

massive opportunity for a new

But we are living in unprecedented

beginning, and so too many women

times and things are dramatically

miss out and fail to seize this

different now for women than they were

opportunity to experience the new lease

even 10 short years ago. women are

that midlife crisis has come to bring.

deferring having babies until later in life

Instead, they become firmly established

to make room for careers, we are

on the “getting old” “slowing down”

required to work until later and later in

“can’t-wait-to-retire” track of life.

life because many of us are the chief

In this article, we’ll look at why it

breadwinners of the home, our pensions

happens and tips on how to manage it

are less and less reliable, and we are in

so you get the most out of this rich time

debt like never before.

of life. I’ll share insights and tips on how

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

52 | Wholeness The truth is, all of this means there’s a lot

dissatisfaction with the status quo. It

more on the plate of today’s midlife

occurs between the ages of 40 and 59

women as we navigate our way through

when a woman suddenly wakes up and

these unchartered waters; yet, we are

starts questioning three things: her

expected to manage these challenges and

value, her direction, and capacity to

circumstances and cope with all this the

determine and dictate what lies ahead.

way we’ve always coped: without

The Usual Triggers…

breaking a sweat, and without making a sound.

Psychologist and sociologists agree that midlife crisis is just one of the several

So it’s no wonder, then, that in my role

normal transitional phases that we go

as a professional mentor and coach to,

through in life and it can be triggered by

specifically, professional midlife women,

significant life changes and events. Some

I see, on a daily basis, the silent

of the events commonly cited as triggers

phenomena that is Midlife Crisis.

by the women I work with are: 

Fiftieth birthday looming or past



Fed up and stuck in a career rut / Conflict at work



Children leaving home – empty nest / feeling unappreciated by family



Difficulty conceiving / signs of Menopause



Marital issues and challenges



Health challenges

Although it must be said, sometimes midlife crisis can be un-associated with any obvious trigger and can seem to come “out of the blue” What is Midlife Crisis? Here’s my definition: - An uninvited,

Recognising you’re in a crisis

unwelcome season of unrest and deep

There are many symptoms of midlife

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 53

crisis and every woman will experience

A turning point when something

this phase of life in her own individual

changes course and suddenly begins to

way. However, there is one

get worse OR BETTER!

characteristic that I see and hear my clients express over and over again and

I love these definitions. Read them

it is the thought “Is this it? Is this my life?

carefully and you will see that unlike

Is this all there is for me?”

the widespread misconception that midlife crisis is a terrible ordeal to be

Often by the time women get to me they

tolerated and passively endured,

are, what I call, ‘battle weary’ after

Actually midlife crisis could be the most

sometimes years of inner conflict

important pivotal time of transition in

between head and heart. Heart says

your life. I think of it as an opportunity

“Surely there is more to life than this….

to choose what happens next. It’s a time

I’m certain there is more” while head

to get active with:

demands heart to stop that rubbish “No! Going for more is unsafe; we must be



Taking action

sensible and fight to maintain the status



Making decisions about the future

quo!”

But Hey! I’m pleased to announce that



Embracing Change and



Creating a better life

it’s NOT all bad news! To seize this massive opportunity start If you are experiencing a midlife crisis

by checking out the following three

fear not! There is heaps you can do to

top tips…

make this an exciting new beginning in your life. To illustrate this, first let’s take a look at my definition of the word ‘crisis’ A critical moment: A time when something important for the future happens or is decided

Change Your Expectation:

When the thoughts of dissatisfaction come up, a common, often automatic response is to shoo them away, supress and ignore them, try to evict them from our mind. Women treat their thoughts and feelings as though they are an

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

54 | Wholeness intruder; a threat, like an imposter or burglar that has come to rob them of the way things have always been… and in a way that’s true, the status quo is being

‘you’ve grown, you’ve gained new unique insights, you’ve overcome adversity and learned new lessons in the school of hard knocks...’

challenged but, what if this time of life signalled a positive change… what if you chose the

you’ve grown, you’ve gained new

perspective that this season has not come

unique insights, you’ve overcome

to leave you worse off, rather, it’s the

adversity and learned new lessons in the

start of something AMAZING?

school of hard knocks, you have

Expectation is a powerful anchor that

acquired a treasure trove FULL of rich

pulls results into your life. I dare you to

experiences both professionally and

expect something great to come out of

personally, some you have not even

this? Why not write an Expectation

acknowledged yet.

Statement about this next phase of your

Ask yourself,

life:

Who am I NOW?

Look For New Answers

What have I learned and how can I use my wisdom in new and exciting ways?

Midlife Crisis is essentially a time of

What else do I want to be a part of my

questions; a season of re-evaluation, and

life now?

therefore an opportunity for new insight, in particular about WHO you are, WHY

Really asking and Listening for new

you are here and WHAT you are capable

answers and insights from your heart

of achieving NOW, not 20 years ago.

takes courage but is the key to unlocking

A common mistake I see many women

the potential for the years to come.

making, is answering the questions with

Oh… and if you don’t know the answers

the answers based on the past, who you

to these questions, (and many women

were and what was important to you

don’t) that’s really great to know too

twenty or even thirty years ago. Indeed,

because if you know you don’t know,

part of the problem triggering the crisis

you can choose to find out…. right?

is that you have outgrown the life you have been living. So consider this,

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 55 3.

Don’t Do It Alone

useful and valuable and important in life is to play the role of the

Many women handle midlife crisis

dependable, able one. There’s simply

inwardly, secretly and many women

no time to address the ache in their

keep it hidden from even loved ones.

heart, or slow down and take time out

We suffer in silence. I see three

because their validation comes from

common reasons why women go

continuing to be active and caring and

through the midlife crisis in isolation.

meeting everyone else’s needs.

They haven’t recognised the crisis: Too many women have become so

Fearing the can of worms: Recently a

unaccustomed to paying attention to their own need, so they don’t even notice they are in crisis. They're used to putting their feelings on the back burner, they take life on the chin, go from one thing to cope with to the next… they are like Duracell batteries, they just go on and on and on until life finds a way to force them to stop! Clinging to your Cape (aka Super Woman Complex): Some women need to feel they can ‘do it all’ and seen to be coping all the time. In fact, the way they get to feel

client confessed that she thought about working with me for two years before she eventually found the courage to contact me. She explained that she had been afraid of “Opening up a Can of Worms” It’s true that the symptoms of Midlife crisis can feel overwhelming and scary. Addressing challenges can feel risky and almost dangerous; to start rocking the boat and poking around in issues connected to sensitive matters, taboos and sore points can feel like something you’d rather avoid. Are you going through it alone? STOP! Here are some tips on where you can Get Help: God: There is a vast and growing body of scientific evidence that proves that people of faith, and who practice prayer and meditation are generally better equipped to handle challenges and challenging times.

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56 | Wholeness

Friends and loved ones: Choose

inspired and learn new things. Try

someone close to you that you feel you

google.com and meetup.com to find

can trust. It can be daunting to expose

groups that interest you. Or consider

your inner thoughts and fears especially

starting your own?

if everyone thinks you are super woman but often it will make your relationship

Contrary to popular belief midlife crisis

stronger and having someone who

doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to be the beginning of the

knows you well to be honest with will be

end. It can be an awesome new

invaluable.

beginningâ&#x20AC;Ś you choose!

Coaches or Mentors: are trained to offer firm supportive challenge to help navigate your way from stuck and bogged down with the heaviness of midlife crisis to free and thriving. More and more professional women enjoy benefits of new insight, skill strategies that comes with specialist support. Support/Networking Groups: Finding networks of people with varied interests will help you continue to grow, be

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Dion Johnson is Womens

Conference Speaker; Mentor to Midlife Women in Leadership & Founder of Woman of Femfluence. Dion is a prolific supporter of MIDLIFE WOMEN in the workplace. She creates quality products, services and events that celebrate and support midlife to conceive their mission, make their mark and love their lives through their work. Want to know more? Connect with Dion Here: http://dionjohnson.com

We Support you to bring new life into your work! Just imagine what it would feel like to wake up actually looking forward to your day at work Imagine getting back in the driving seat of your work life again knowing what you want and excited about making it happen Imagine actually loving being at work again, feeling fulfilled and energized and truly engaged Imagine discovering the unique difference you were born to make and making that difference daily through you're work. T: 07813 294405 E: Connect@DionJohnson.com

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 59

Happiness a Resident Feeling or Should it be pursued By Valorie Burton

“When you let go of what your life ‘should’ be, you are free to focus on what your life ‘could’ be right now.” – Happy Women Live Better I posted this quote from Happy Women

you don’t. What unfulfilled desire in

Live Better on my Facebook fan page a

your life tempts you to feel sorry for

few weeks ago, and it seemed to resonate

yourself? One secret to getting more of

with a lot of people. A major turning

what you want is to stop insisting you

point in my happiness came the day I

must have it in order to be happy

decided to quit lamenting all the things I

When you let go of what you think your

thought should be present in my life, but

life “should” be,” you can then focus on

were not. I held tightly to the belief that if

making your life what it “could” be. Stop

I could just have some of the things in

noticing everything wrong with your

my life that I didn’t have, then I could

spouse or kids, and start building on

really be happy. That’s when God

what’s right. Quit complaining about the

whispered in my spirit: Be happy right

job you want to leave, and start

now. Happiness is an attitude we choose

celebrating some aspect of your job that

regardless of our circumstances. It isn’t

you actually like. Refuse to mope about

always easy, but it is possible to notice

not being in a relationship, and start

and appreciate what you have rather

having fun and creating adventures that

than feeling sorry for yourself over what

make your life exciting – partner or no

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60 | Wholeness

“should” be and take a step towards what “could” be. As you move towards happiness, ask yourself, what do you think “should” be in your life right now that isn’t? How has that “should” impacted your happiness? What good could you do in your life if you embraced your life exactly as it is?

Valorie Burton helps

partner. Take what you have and make the most of it. When you do, happiness follows. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – a circle of good. Happiness causes success, not the other way around. So be grateful, enjoy life, and let the good things that follow

women get unstuck so they can be unstoppable. Learn how to trigger your happiness and discover your top happiness triggers at www.happywomantest.com and order your copy of Happy Women Live Better: 13 Ways to Trigger Your Happiness www.bn.com/ happywomenlivebetter.

delightfully surprise you. As you let go of the need to be in control and embrace the good all around you, it is amazing how those unfulfilled desires begin to unfold. Learn to let go of what

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

OUT NOW

61 | Wholeness

The Obstacles Impeding the Success of Some Black Women By Dr. Carol Tomlin

In this article we will focus on the

African

obstacles impeding the success of some

although the ancestry of most individuals

black

from the Caribbean originates in Africa.

success is necessary as the idea is not

Women of dual heritage, if they culturally

solely related to academic or career

identify themselves as black, are also

achievements, but is along a much broader

included in the article. Some of the

spectrum encompassing our significant

experiences of African and Caribbean

relationships with others, including men,

women may be similar but there are

children, friends and work colleagues.

significant differences in the culture of

Indeed, it entails our total wellbeing. It is

each group. It is important to note that I

important to identify what we mean by

am a black British woman, whose parents

black women and equally to stress that the

come from Jamaica so there will be a

discussion will not apply to all black

tendency for me to refer to Caribbean

women, as they are a diverse group. For

women, as this is my knowledge base.

the purposes of this article, the reference

Fortunately, I have been exposed to many

point will comprise women of colour

women from the Continent of Africa and

living in the UK, who, are either from an

have gained some insights into some of the

women.

understanding

Caribbean

background,

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

issues affecting some of these women,

hindrances to the success of some black

especially

and

women is our attitude and relationship

Zimbabwe. I actually had the privilege of

with our menfolk. By this I mean that

living for several years with a Nigerian

some

lady, who became one of my best friends,

Caribbean background, tend to have

and

many

negative attitudes towards black men

Zimbabwean women. I was intrigued by

and, throughout our relationship journey

some of the underlying commonalities in

have often contributed to unhealthy

our cultural expressions but aware of our

patterns of behaviours. We may not think

distinctions. Interestingly, some of the

this aspect of life is important and we

experiences of black women in this

may inadvertently project an independent

country

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;strong

those

have

from

worked

resonate

with

Nigeria

with

our

African

American sisters.

women,

black

particularly

womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

from

the

persona.

Unfortunately, the British media can score several brownie points for the negative

I do not think we can discuss the

representation of black men. In the media

obstacles affecting any group of women

our men are consistently presented as

without including the part that men play.

criminals, aggressive etc. In addition, the

In my view, one of the predominant

advertising world rarely portrays happy

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

63 | Wholeness and successful black couples and black

slavery

families, which are inconspicuous by

sociological, economic and political

their absence. I do not think we have

damage it has done to people taken

fully

from Africa in chattels, stripped of their

considered

how

have

and

psychological,

internalised these negative images. For

identity

those of us who are from the Caribbean,

plantations. One may wonder about the

the

forced

work

so-called

‘wokless’ (‘Patwa’/Jamaican

‘The progress of all societies is dependent on their past. ’

Creole) translated worthless and irresponsible man who does not care for his children is often the typical discourse or

and

the

discussion

when

they

are

women gathered

together.

purpose of going back in time. In the

Moreover, some of us have not been

same way we are constantly reminded

brought up with our fathers, which, has

of the Jewish Holocaust and its effects

subsequently determined our choice of

on that people group, and rightly so,

men - who may be disappointing to say

blacks in the diaspora have experienced

the least. Consequently, we overlook

a similar situation that should be

the fact that there are many decent

recounted to successive generations

hardworking

are

and never be forgotten. The progress of

excellent in every sense of the word. I

all societies is dependent on their past.

certainly know them and they are from

For example, British society in the 21st

the Caribbean and Africa!

Century

As an educator and historian, I was

tremendously

from

extremely delighted by the recent film

blacks’,

its

production 12 Years a Slave, despite the

likewise, the Caribbean and indeed the

harrowing

Continent of Africa have suffered from

black

scenes.

men,

The

who

impact

historically and

the

empire

benefited ‘backs

building;

slavery on the relationships between

being pillaged and raped.

Caribbean men and women should not

During the period of Trans-Atlantic

fully

slavery, slaves were not allowed to

appreciate the impact of 400 years of

marry although they could co-habit but

understated.

cannot

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 64 many families were divided and sold to

important in maintaining family and

different slave owners. There was also

kinship bonds. Clearly, black women

the practice of slave breeding.

The

historically have played a key role and

practice of slave breeding included

made an invaluable contribution to the

coerced sexual relations between male

family, and they continue to do so.

and female slaves or between master

Therefore, as previously stated, if we

and female slaves, which promoted

examine the idea of success from a

pregnancies with the aim of producing

much wider perspective then we can

slave children. The purpose of slave

state that many black women have been

breeding was to produce new slaves

involved

without incurring the cost of purchase,

successfully and in some cases have

to fill labour shortages caused by the

done so singlehandedly. However, we

termination of the Atlantic slave trade,

must not forget the pivotal role of the

and to attempt to improve the health

extended

‘relationship and family capital is important to well being.’

raising

family

their

children

African

and

Caribbean child rearing practices. However, relationship and family capital is important to well being. The idea of family capital is based on the principle of the investment we make with loved ones. I often

and

Slave

hear black Caribbean women say: ‘I do

breeding was maintained throughout

not need a man’. I would like to refute

the 400-year period of slavery because

such a claim and I think we may have

slaves

subconsciously bought into a branch of

subhuman. Thus one can see how the

feminists thinking. Many Caribbean

black family has been disrupted and

women and increasing numbers of

how female and male relationships

African women are lone parents. I am

have

productivity

were

been

slaves.

considered

seriously

impaired.

aware that some readers may argue that

Interestingly, research on slave women

being a single or lone parent should not

in the Caribbean by authors such as

hugely impact on one’s aspirations.

Barbara Bush explain that they were

However, it is relevant to note that

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65 | Wholeness single parents are amongst the poorest

relationships, I have had an opportunity

group; it can have an adverse impact on

to discuss male-female relationships

the

educational

with some Zimbabwean colleagues.

outcomes of children. There are of

Apparently, some of their relationships

course child-care issues and the hours

in the UK are suffering from enormous

psychological

and

that one can spend at work are reduced, especially if there are young children. This in turn influences

the

career

development of some women in general. One study suggests

‘One study suggests that black women are among the highest achievers ...’

that black women are among the highest achievers in terms of their

strain brought about by several factors.

educational attainment, although some

For example, there are challenges for

Caribbean

both men and women experiencing

education

women later

enter

higher life

and

racism

and

issues

with

gaining

consequently there salary does not

employment matching their education

reflect

(Mitton

their

academic

achievement

Aspinall

2011).

This

(Connor et al 2004). There may be

inevitably has a huge impact on family

readers who want to present a counter-

dynamics. Additionally, more domestic

argument but it still remains that these

responsibilities may be required of

factors can have a huge impact on our

Zimbabwean, or other African men,

success.

residing in Britain, and who may have inherited a culturally prescribed view

Clearly, we do not want to generalize

that certain domestic chores should be

about groups of women who come from

done by women. In the absence of

the Caribbean or the vast African

‘house girls and boys,’ this may be

continent. African women in the UK, for

unrealistic and place undue pressure on

instance, have diverse experiences and

some women. There may not be the

belong to different ethnic groups with

support from the extended family,

unique cultural patterns, languages etc.

typifying

Consequently, a lack of sensitivity and

continue

with

the

theme

many

black

cultures.

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 66 understanding

both

parts sometimes leads to conflict and unresolved issues, which may even have an adverse effect on the health of women, (as well as men). It

often

assumed

wrongly

that

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;During the 1960s to the early 1980s racism had a huge impact on the educational success of black Caribbean students including femalesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; people

on to the second generation, which

generally are not interested in education;

would have thereby helped successive

this is most certainly not the case. Again,

generations to achieve their aspirations.

we have to go back in time to fully

Coupled with this were reports of racism

understand

the

in British schools. During the 1960s to

Caribbean people were invited to Britain

the early 1980s racism had a huge impact

to rebuild the country during the Post

on the educational success of black

War period, they had extremely high

Caribbean students including females

expectations

for

(Mocombe & Tomlin 2013). Further, as a

themselves and their children. Todayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

member of the Caribbean community, I

middle-aged

had

can report that many girls had excessive

mothers who first came to the UK to

household chores to perform which

work primarily in the NHS, holding the

inevitably affected their education. In

lowest paid position in nursing. Whilst,

addition, it was not unusual for girls

these women had a career for life in the

from a Pentecostal Christian background

caring profession, concomitantly, their

to attend church several times a week. I

men worked in factories and for the

recognise that girls from other Christian

transport industry, which were transient

denominations had different experiences

jobs. Many first generation Caribbean

that possibly facilitated rather than

people came from rural societies, which

impeded their educational outcomes.

this

and

Caribbean

issue.

When

aspirations

Caribbean

women

were post-slavery and colonial in nature. Many first generation individuals were

Conversely, many Africans, primarily

not highly educated nor did they have

West African men who came to Britain

the social or professional mores to pass

during the

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Post

War period were

67 | Wholeness students. Later, women and children joined

includes the fact that we are living in a

their men and many women pursued

racial, gender and class based society. How

education. Anecdotal reference suggests

many women in the UK have smashed the

that some children in their formative or

so-called ‘glass ceiling’ or are CEOs of

early years were sent ‘back home’ or

major companies? We know the numbers

fostered by white families, thus enabling

are minimal. As black women we are aware

parents to continue in their educational

of the ways in which racism can work to

pursuits, unhindered by undue child-care

prevent

concerns. I personally know of West African

overlook the issue of sexism (Showunmi

women who have an Au Pair and others

2012). If you are from a poor, working class

with mother in-laws who play a major role

and black background then there are

with child-care. These are critical points

several external obstacles that have to be

because they laid the foundation for many

overcome. Ironically, accepting ourselves is

West African parents to serve as role

another major obstacle. For example, there

models, armed with a better understanding

are reports of black women throughout the

of the workings of the British education

world bleaching their skin to lighten their

system.

complexion.

Thus many contemporary West

succeeding

but

often

African pupils, particularly girls, have inherited educational capital. It is little

In my view another barrier to the success of

wonder

(2006)

some black women in predominantly white

highlights 79% of students of West African

professional settings is the presentation of

origin in the London borough of Lambeth,

self. I think it would be fair to say that

gaining

their

sometimes our ‘tell-it-as-it is’ style can

academic achievement is on a par with their

unwittingly be problematic for our non-

Indian and Chinese counterparts.

black co-workers. I am not inferring for one

that

Demi’s

5*A-C

GSCEs.

research

fact,

moment that we should not be ourselves, Some of the challenges for African women

but I think we may need to think more

are similar to their Caribbean counterparts.

strategically about how we present in

Many

certain situations. Let us take a typical

African

women,

particularly

Nigerians, tend to be well educated but

scenario that may occur in the work place:

some of them experience huge difficulties in climbing the career ladder. The main

You think your manager is making an

obstacle

unreasonable request concerning the time for

their

professional

success

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 68

you to complete a particular project. He or she

may need to consider. Sometimes, the

sends you a strongly worded email outlining

manager's request is reasonable, but you

their targets and expectations.

could be trying to tackle other personal issues

that

are

overwhelming.

The

How many of us carefully consider how

manager may have approached other

we should approach the manager and

individuals who have not informed you

what we are going to say. How many of

about his/her communication with them.

us think about other possible ways of

You may need to consider working in a

viewing the situation. We sometimes

more efficient way. You may need to

think the manager is making a direct

develop your time management skills.

personal

Similarly, you may need to think about

attack

and

the

automatic

assumption is that the manager is being

your

negotiating

skills

and

racist and that such a request would not

diplomacy, tact and prudence.

using

be communicated to a white colleague in the same way. Of course, racism features

There are subtle cultural differences

in every area of life for black people in the

between white and black individuals that

UK, but in certain interactions in the work

may influence our perceptions. For those

place, there are other variables that we

of us born in the UK, or who have spent

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

69 | Wholeness

most of our lives in this country, we

The role of racism and sexism are also

inadvertently may assume because we

important

are British that we have developed a

challenges, which may have a significant

similar culture to our white counterparts.

impact on our ability to succeed, we can

overcome!

particular

our

differences

are

aspects.

Despite

these

manifested in our language style, that is the ways in which words and phrases are sequenced

and

presented,

including

body language etc. Even if we have the same accent, black women tend to have a unique tone of voice and the way in which language is used to convey meaning also diverges from our white friends, family members or colleagues.

Rev Dr Carol Tomlin has a long and established academic career spanning 30 years in universities in the UK and USA. She is also an educational consultant and international speaker. As an ordained minister and Senior Pastor of Restoration Fellowship Ministries in Birmingham, she believes in the transformative power of Jesus Christ!

Miscommunication between some black and white individuals can and often do occur which can be a barrier to success for black women especially in the professional environmental. To conclude the debate there are several hurdles for black women in the UK. Some

these

challenges

present

themselves in our relationships. There are other external factors including historical, social, economic and political.

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

70 | Wholeness

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 71

Condemnation

Self Condemnation By Edna Thomas

Condemnation is the land

purpose is to take us out and

mines the enemy hides and

leave us lying wounded in

sets along the pathway of

the battlefield of life.

life. They are placed in

I believe therefore that if

strategic places to blow up

God’s people could identify

and divert us from God's

what condemnation is;

will, purpose and plan.

where it stems from; the

However, the Bible clearly

symptoms; and how they can

tells us that, “there is

free themselves from this

therefore now, no

condition, then they

condemnation to those who

wouldn’t be a prisoner to self

are in Christ Jesus, who do

condemnation; instead, they

not walk according to the

could live a more fulfilling

flesh, but according to the

life and walk confidently into

Spirit” (Romans 8:1). The

the path that God has

question then can be asked

created for them.

as to why so many of God’s

One writer wrote that the

children, young and old

word “condemnation”

continue to live under the

implies that people have

burden and guilt of

been found guilty of a crime

condemnation?

and cannot escape its

One of the reasons could

punishment. They are

be that when guilt and self-

condemned. Condemnation

condemnation wars against

is a weapon of darkness of

our mind, it is like a storm of

the flesh. If we are not aware

rapid enemy fire whose only

of its explosive destructive

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

72 | Wholeness power, we could soon become its victim

feeling and lean not on your own

handicapped on the road of life.

understanding. In all your ways

The Bible however, reassures us that the Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be

never condemn those who are in Christ Jesus. The reason being, Jesus bore all of our punishment and condemnation in His very own

your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6). Self-condemnation indicates that a

condemned.” (Psalm 34:22). We know therefore that God will

acknowledge Him, and He shall direct

person is condemning him/herself. This

‘We know therefore that God will never condemn those who are in Christ Jesus.’

body. As Christ hung on the cross, God unleashed all of His wrath and

act is a very unusual human behaviour

anger, all the punishment that our sins

because people usually defend

called for on His beloved Son.

themselves. Yet, self-condemning people

God identifies "the accuser of the

condemn themselves. What makes the

brethren" as Satan. (Rev. 12:10) However,

condition even more pathetic is the

condemnation is delivered to a person

enormity of their guilt and the

through spouses, co-workers, friends, and

overwhelming feelings of helplessness

even perfect strangers. Sometimes the

and hopelessness these people mirror.

criticism is horrible and evident;

Always remember that self condemnation

sometimes we read it in a glance. Make no

is a person’s own voice internalised; it is

mistake, condemnation, like an arrow,

self talk that communicates negatively on

flies relentlessly toward us. Sometimes it

your value, person-hood, actions, feelings

is malicious, sometimes benign, but

and behaviours. Common experiences of

always deadly. One thing to remember is

self condemnation include, you are

that whilst you cannot prevent the

hopeless; unworthy; not loveable; you

missiles from coming your way, you can

can’t do anything, you are stupid; you are

learn to refuse to accept their delivery.

weak; you don’t deserve God’s love or

You may ask how can I do this when I am

forgiveness.

barely surviving; learn to trust in the lord

Self condemnation however, is not a

with all your heart despite what you are

disassociated habit, it stems from poor

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Wholeness | 73

self image, guilt, childhood labels, shame,

insecurity, despair, defeat, depression, and

critical parenting and a number of other

discouragement. It torments God’s people

sources. Exploring the roots of self

with intense feelings of hopelessness and

condemnation will be an important step in

inferiority. It robs a person of their joy and

challenging its power in your life. The

undermines their peace and confidence in

Bible tells us that ‘whenever our heart

Christ.

condemn us, God is greater than our heart,

It is not hard to see then how the

and He knows everything’ (1 John 3:20).

symptoms of self condemnation can keep

One of the most common symptoms of self

God’s people in bondage, steal their

condemnation is a feeling of oppression

confidence and weaken their freedom. Not

and bondage. It is an extremely oppressive

only does self condemnation impact

burden which "beats down" those who

hugely on their daily lives but it hold them

struggle under its weight. It is often

captive to prevent them from walking and

accompanied by a nagging sense of guilt.

fulfilling their God given purpose.

It produces frustration, fear, anxiety,

God’s people must take courage and

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

74 | Wholeness remind themselves that God’s Word is

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is

much bigger and powerful than the

a ‘talking therapy’ that can help the

symptoms of self condemnation. His

client to manage his/her problems by

Words declare that He did not send his

changing the way they think and

Son into the world to condemn the

behave. Whilst it cannot remove the

world, but in order that the world might

client’s problems, it can help him/her in a

be saved through Him (John 3:17); God’s

more positive way. CBT encourages the

plan for your life is to prosper you and

client to examine how their actions can

not to harm you, to give you hope and a

affect how they think and feel.

future (Jeremiah 29:11). The next time

Talking and changing the client’s

self condemnation tries to take control of

behaviour can change how they think

your mind, call on the Name of the Lord

(cognitive) and what they do

Jesus Christ and He will deliver you. The

(behaviour). This can make them feel

Word of God tells us that, if we confess

better about their life.

our sins, our God is faithful and just to

Since the battlefield is in the client’s

forgive us of our sins and cleanse us

mind, counselling from a Christian

from all unrighteousness.

perspective means that he/she would need to change the way they think. Joyce

In counselling, one of the therapeutic

Meyers states that renewing of the mind

interventions the counsellor would use to

is so much more than going through

help a client suffering from self

religious motions. She went on to say

condemnation is Cognitive Behavioural

that, a person need to

Therapy also know as CBT which deals with the “here and now”.



Become aware how God wants them to think;



Focus their thoughts on God’s thoughts;



Practice the thoughts of God until they are their own;



To live the thoughts of God in everyday life.

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 75 The Bible tells us in Jeremiah 28:11 that,



I am Jesus' friend John 15:14

"For I know the thoughts that I think



I praise you because I am fearfully

toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of

and wonderfully made;

peace, and not of evil, to bring about an

your works are wonderful, I know

expected end." It was because of His

that full well.

loving thoughts that He sent His Son to die for our sins. (John 3:16). Earlier on, I mentioned that self



I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).

condemnation is your own inner voice, it is self talk. In order to free yourself from

Pray this prayer daily:

self condemnation, you need to change the negative thoughts into positive ones and

My God and my Father in the Name of

practice the thoughts of God until they are

Jesus, I thank you for walking back

your own, for example, learn to meditate

through every second of my life up to this

who you are in Christ so that you can live

exact moment. I thank You Lord for

your life as God intended and fulfil your

healing me of all my hurts, my painful

destiny. The more you agree with God

memories, my fears, and for setting me

about your identity in Christ, the more

free. Thank You Jesus for filling me with

your behaviour will begin to reflect your

your love. Help me to love and to forgive

God given identity.

myself. Help me Jesus to love others. But

Every day try and practice a couple of

most of all, Lord, help me to love you as I

these scripture verses and repeat them

want. I thank you for giving me joy, peace

over and over again until they resonate in

and contentment. Thank You Jesus for

your heart and use them to renew your

going deep into the darkest recesses of my

mind.

mind and cleansing me. I thank you for



I am free from condemnation

healing my emotions, my mind and my

(Romans 8:1)

memories. I thank you my God for making

I am chosen of God, holy and dearly

me whole; I give you all the praise and all

loved (Colossians 3:12)

the glory in Jesus’ name. Amen!

I am seated in heavenly places with Christ (Eph 2:6)



I do not have a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind (2Timothy 1:7)

Edna Thomas is a Social Worker and a member of the New Testament Church of God. Her ministry is in Counselling and a lecturer in Christian Counselling. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

76 | Wholeness

Graduation Ceremony for Mentees on the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme

2014 Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been such a pleasure working with the mentees on the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme. Every year, The Mentoring Academy says goodbye to another group of women who have worked hard to develop a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ and in doing this they identify the strategy to birthing that idea that has been held inside them for so long. Please read the testimonies of this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s graduates of the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme (LMPP).

Through Every Stage of the Course You're Made to Identify the Real You...... It was the one of the best things that God has lead me to do in my whole entire life. It seems quite dramatic to put it that way but I tell you, I came seeking direction, process and purpose and God has really settled the matter in all these areas. Throughout every stage of the course you are made to identify the real you, and what makes you tick... what motivates you and your gifts, which are sometimes not that apparent. I could not have dreamt that I would have come to the point where my ministry has now been incorporated - why? because I now know my direction, it's processes and purpose. I would gladly recommend this course to anyone who is serious in wanting to be in the perfect will of God and pursue His purpose in your gifting... Angela Arnold

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Wholeness | 77 I Began to Have A Spiritual Awakening...... When I started on this course I was looking for guidance. Having retrained, I had gained a number of new skills but had no idea or direction in how to apply them. All my thoughts and actions had come to nothing. At the start of the programme I had no thought of Ministry or God given purpose. However, as it progressed I began to have a spiritual re-awakening and to understand that it was more important to have a Godly purpose in order to serve and leave a legacy than to merely had a business. The journey has not always been easy or clear-cut, but it has been worthwhile. The love and support given not just by Jacqui but by my peers has been amazing.

Cynthia Clarke

I Now Know that My Divine Purpose is to Glorify God......... Having learned the principle of mind mapping, I felt that this was the best way to illustrates what the programme has meant to me and where I am at this time. When I started on the programme, I had many ideas about the initiatives which I wanted to birth, but could not envisage how I was going to take them forward. To use an analogy, it would be that of a pregnant woman, but who had not moved on from the first trimester. My ideas were able to bear fruit, but I could not hear from the Holy Spirit, and this was because I wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t consulting him. Since being on the programme, I have had the opportunity to develop my thinking and strategies through peer mentoring, which has given me to tools to think SMART when action planning. I now feel that my ideas have become fertile and are being watered by the knowledge which I have gained on the programme. Jennifer Grey

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

78 | Wholeness This Course is Completely God Led..........

Over the past 12 months, I have grown so much in faith because of the virtues, the course installs in the women attending. This course strips away self, even for the more resistant Christians, like myself. Jacqueline & the tutors empower women to operate fully in the Holy Spirit & feed on God's word. That is installed from day one. The course has continued to empower me as a Christian woman, to such extent that people have commented on the changes they have seen within me. Glory be to God. Karina Jorgart

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Wholeness | 79 My Walk Into Purpose is a Joyful One and Each Day is Important....... Throughout the programme I was resistant and I feel wasted valuable time, however I will not hold that against myself. I had to write a piece on a Biblical character that I could relate too and I chose Sari, there were definitely similarities and my name is now Sarah PRAISE GOD. My walk into purpose is a joyful one and each day is important, I do feel in my heart that GOD will make a way for me to fulfil his will here on earth as it is in heaven. Isaiah 55 is scripture that I read every day and know that GOD has great plans, yes indeed great plans. Florence Bruce-Annan

I Didn’t for One Minute Realise the Programme Would Empower and Elevate My Life in Such a Way……. The day I met Jacqueline was the day my thought process had changed. Turning 4o years old was a major point for me, a time of reflection, questions, thoughts, plans etc. I was introduced to the course which I started in April 2014, at this point I didn’t for one minute ever realise it would empower and elevate my life in such a way. I was working as a Senior Early Years Practitioner for 9 yrs for the council, 5 years of which I was unhappy. Empowered Woman through Jesus Christ, allowed me to understand what God has for me, my purpose and to operate as an empowered woman. At the beginning of the course we were asked to write down 3 goals which we would like to achieve whilst being on the course. One of my Goals was to be released from my Job, God did this in such a way that I had to hand in my notice. At the time I didn’t understand what God was doing, however our ways are not God’s way. Since leaving God has opened new doors, opportunities which were waiting for me. 4 months into the programme, I had achieved 3 of my goals; this showed me that all things are possible through Christ Jesus which strengthens me and also when you are working in purpose God will direct and order your steps. Since doing The Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme I have experience real Freedom. Andrea Wekpe SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

80 | Spiritual Etiquette

Walking

Out Your

Sonship By Miacah Huggins

Accepted, forgiven, loved and liberated are just some of the words we could use to describe when we are walking out our Sonship. The key word is walking out; it’s a choice to operate as a Son, and a fixated heart position towards God, to receive what He says and walking it out. The Heart of the Father We all know the story of the prodigal Son. But

Son. Pulling up your robe is no

for those of us who are not familiar with this

joke; it is seen as a shameful act.

story, Luke Chapter 15 describes beautifully

Our loving Father doesn’t stop

the heart of the Father towards all His children.

there in His love, he embraces His

Though we maybe like the younger brother

son, even though he smells of pig

distant from God, with our bad attitudes,

pooh, which is another NO, NO in

haughty eyes and our prideful tendencies, or

the Jewish culture to touch anything

subtly working for approval, resent our Father

to do with pigs. God goes beyond

or do tasks to be recognised, the Father wants us

cultures law, and will do absolutely

back to him regardless of the state of our heart.

anything to bring us back to Him.

We are loved, but do we recognise it.

Disgraced means nothing to God, it

You see we are never too far gone for Him; He is

was believed that once you

in the game of covering our shame. The Father

disgraced you father, you were

runs after us, the Bible tries to show us the love

forbidden to enter back into the city

of God, but translated in the Greek paints a

and the citizens had the authority to

beautiful “the Father runs as fast as the wind

stone you, if you tried to re-

would carry, pulling up His robe, to meet His

entered.

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Spiritual Etiquette | 81

There maybe things in your life that you

Father God, as a good Father and her

have done, where people feel they have a

birthright as a Son “I had a Father who was

right to slander, judge or speak ill of you.

very much interested in performance; I guess I

Abortion, fornication, low self worth,

was like the older brother, but didn’t know.

impatience, lying stealing and abuse, the list

Working to get my value from the things I did for

may go on, choose to operate as a

my dad. So throughout my whole life I received

RIGHTFUL SON and not to feel hopeless,

my identity from the things I achieved, being with

because the Father promises to protect and

good looking men, high-powered jobs, and

cover your shame, thank God that His

focusing on my appearance”. This rigid lifestyle

righteousness, makes us clean.

became exhausting, I would strive for perfection,

Godfather or Father God?

and when I couldn’t meet these standards, I

Many of us may see God as the Godfather, a Father that gives orders, and if we disobey we will be punished. We have to stick to our end of the bargain, or else we get nothing. God is not in the mob!!! This is how the older brother in the prodigal son,

would feel internally worthless. When I became a Christian this mindset transferred with my identity with God. I Suppose I saw God through the lenses of my earthly dad, I would work tiredly at ministry and feeling only successful if, I got results.

saw his father. He was near physically,

The antidote for this warped mindset is

living in the house doing all the work, but

renewing your mind with the word of God;

for what… Acceptance, love or status not

receiving truth from the Bible and take it as

knowing he already had this. Many

medicine.

Christians in the church live this hard

Walking in Sonship

laboured lifestyle, attend ALL the church

Walking out our Sonship brings such

services, lift Holy Hands, do Christian

freedom to all areas in our life, knowing who

ministry, feeling entitled because, they

the Father says we are, brings such

have accumulated the notches on their belt.

confidence and clarity to our whole being.

But their hearts are far from the Father, like

Changing the atmosphere around us shall

the older brother. Grace and engaging in a

become the norm. Katie is no stranger to this;

relationship with the Father is the key

she says “Since walking out my Sonship, I

mixture, to experience true Sonship. As the

have seen many lives transformed, around

Father said to the older Son, it’s true for all

me, because I am connected to Him. I now

Christians, I have always been with you,

know my authority and His power have had

and everything I have is yours.

an influence on my non Christian family

Marcia shares how she struggled receiving

members, who are coming to Christ. I love SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

82 | Spiritual Etiquette identity. Like the snake he is, he will try to

‘We are no longer Orphan Annie’s ladies, with a daddy warbucks wanting to adopt us, we have a better Father, known as the IAM’

lure us to live as we used to like orphans, broken busted and disgusted. The father of lies will try and deceive us with his cunning plans, by showing certain facts in our lives and displaying them as whole truths. Sound familiar to you, maybe you are in a season of financial difficulty and the enemy is telling you this is it for life, you will always be broke, or you are single

partnering with the Holy Spirit, allowing Him

woman and Satan is telling you that, you will

to do it through me”.

never be married. These are all lies, we must

Empowered woman you are totally accepted,

hold onto truth and keep rooted in His love

loved unconditionally, you can rest in Him

and foundation; I challenge you to be secure

fully, because you know, He has your best

in that.

interest at heart.

We are no longer Orphan Annie’s ladies, with a

As a Son we have the authority to ask Him

daddy warbucks wanting to adopt us, we have a

questions about who we are in Him, He

better Father, known as the IAM…….. Whatever

yearns for our intimacy. Let’s be bold in

you need Him to be, He promises to be that (He

relationship with Him, when was the last time

says I AM your healer, provider, husband,

you asked Him? Why He created you? What

comforter, and your Father, the list continues)

do you mean to Him? Why does He love you? Why did He choose you? It’s out of this place that you get your true identity. The Father adores affirming His children, just like He did Jesus when He declares “you are my beloved Son”. As we continue to receive truth from Him, it will fill us up and overflow into others. Hold onto your Sonship We are one with God, even though many may separate themselves from this truth. The enemy loves it when we are moved from the truth, this is his job, to try and steal our true

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Take joy…… Miacah Huggins is an ex mentee of The Mentoring

Academy and presently serves as a Minister for St James Church of England. Her community role involves empowering women to work out their God given purpose. For more information please contact her at miacah@stjamesnewbarnet.com.

Spiritual Etiquette | 83 Despite the increased opportunities for young women, there is identification and events to raise the awareness that your voices count, there are more opportunities to be problem solvers and contribute to building a more safe and sustainable world for everyone. Despite these great things and milestones, young women still face challenges related to their gender and often have to reconcile their

Being Relevant as a Young Christian

Woman

own dreams with expectations and idea of who “they should be” due to society. The feminist view says “you can do anything a man can do and you can be everything”. I believe YOU can do anything

By Edwina Momoh

you put your mind to do, not

Being a young woman in this day and age holds many

necessarily comparing

pressures let alone being a YOUNG, CHRISTIAN

yourself to a man. There are

WOMAN. Many are still trying to find out who they

many women who feel they

are and why they were created. The question of

must perform like a man. This

relevance is something you may think about regularly

a distorted view as you are a

and this question often rings in the ears of many. Does

woman and function in the

it matter that I am here? The answer is yes it does

role of a woman, meaning

matter that you are here and relevance is key no

there are certain things you

matter what stage of life you are in. It is about

are equipped to do that add to

knowing your relevance and finding out how to be

your relevance. Put on LOVE

relevant in society and the kingdom at large.

daily and let Gods love for SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

84 | Spiritual Etiquette you and in you shine forth so you

me and hating mentality must stop. There

appreciate the woman you ARE, the

are too many copycats in the world and

woman you’re called to BE and the women

jealousy and many women not many

around YOU.

wanting to be themselves. Do not confirm

Be relevant – love being a woman and embrace your feminine side.You are a female man with a womb with the power to birth great things into being.

to the patterns of this world. A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose. All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like women too. Embrace your own uniqueness.

Reality shows, changing landscape of media and technology alongside reality TV and celebrity culture put pressure on women on how to look and shapes a damaging effect of using your body, beauty

Be relevant – love your uniqueness , love the skin you’re in, walk in love, love yourself, walk in your gifts and join forces with other women

and sexuality to be seen or get ahead. God says you’re “fearfully and wonderfully”

Character is not taught or shown in society

made in your unique way and you need to

but constant bad attitudes of women,

embrace that principle daily. Your body is

bitchiness, slander, gossip and tearing

a temple and should not be given away

down women. Enough of this culture!

cheaply to be on another man’s hit list for

Where are the women that build,

the sake of temporary love. Purity is

encourage and elevate. Be relevant by

power and honour Gods plan for your

being one of these! Be one of those who can

body.

be used to even show men how to treat

Be relevant – love your body, love yourself, value yourself and walk in selfworth

women in a better way and also edify and

The media also causes women to compare

Spend more time in the Word so God can

themselves and biblically we are

show you who you really are. He develops

told “comparison is not wise”. A

your character and shows you how

competitive spirit amongst other women

authentic you are. Embrace your

via “who is that girl?”, she looks better than

authenticity. Being authentic means of

SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

encourage them in their journey alongside your peers and other young women.

Spiritual Etiquette | 85 undisputed origin, trustworthy and not a copy; genuine.

Lastly many feel they don’t measure up

Be relevant – be authentic.

or simply not good enough. This is a

When you find out who you are, find your inner strength and balance it with external strength you can go out and be an advocate/liberator for yourself and others, bringing change where ever you go. Knowing you have gifts and sowing your gift in church, other organisation, life causes you to sharpen your gifts. This can cause you to excel in your chosen career and also open opportunities to you even business development.

Be relevant – know who are and walk proudly I need to be in a relationship or have a partner to be relevant is one myth many young women hold. Many feel pressured to have a boyfriend/partner as they feel their problems will be solved. That special person needs to be you first, whole, complete and walking in purpose.

daily battle that needs to be overcome daily to be relevant and starts with the Word of God and prayer. Also spending time in worship helps remove fears, insecurities, doubts, loneliness, perfectionism syndrome and causes you to simply rely on God. A great support system, great friends who challenge you, build you journey is important.

Be relevant – You are enough and everything you need is within you now The lasting and most beneficial thing any young woman can do is pursuing God’s vision for their life after seeking God for their purpose daily in prayer. When you “delight yourself in the LORD, He (God) shall give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4. God has placed within each person a vision that is designed to give meaning to life.

Once you are happy and work on being

Your God given vision is revealed to you

the best version of you, the best version

when you delight (take pleasure) in

of your partner will come and you both

seeking God. God has wrapped up His

can work on purpose, having a fulfilling

plans and purpose for your life in your

relation working on an assignment and

heart. As you commune with God your

not working on trying to make each other

Father and creator, He will expose you

happy.

and lead you to desire strongly what He

Be relevant – be a happy single, complete and whole first before getting into a relationship

has already chosen for you before you were born.

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86 | Spiritual Etiquette Doing what you were born to do, gives meaning to your life. Being a positive influence is very fulfilling. When you rise up, you give power, encouragement and hope to others saying they can also do it. Relevance is in your DNA, think of your future children and the legacy you will leave behind.

“The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” ―Margaret D. Nadauld

Continue to #breakoutthebox in all you do.

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COURAGE

Will Never Let You Down By Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw

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Spiritual Etiquette | 88 Courage they say is the backbone of

I have moved on and grown into my

every successful individual. A woman

own person. Courage was the backbone

with courage has the confidence to

of my ever increasing learning and

change her world. As a powerhouse your

evolution. The courage to succeed in my

courage will see you through every

chosen area of life was my source of

challenge you may come across.

strength. If you carefully study the lives

Apparently, the lack of courage creates

of all successful people (women

problems in personal and professional

especially), you will discover that

life (mental, physical and emotional

courage played an active part in their

difficulties).

achievements.

Those women who made history in

How many times have you tried to

their time had courage – no wonder a

give up on your dreams? A person

great philosopher said;

without courage unconsciously invites

“Courage does not always roar.

weakening and demoralizing elements to

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at

themselves. Courage has the power to

the end of the day saying, “I will try

challenge all unfavourable situations.

again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne

When you make courage your backbone,

Radmacher

you will be able to face all battles

It does not matter what you may

(physical, emotional, spiritual and

have been through – hold unto courage

mental) in your life. Every woman both

and she will sail you safely to your

great and small should embrace courage

desired destination. When you embrace

if they are to do, have and become more.

courage you will see possibilities in every challenge you are faced with. It took courage to leave my native land (Nigeria) to Europe. It took courage to start my business. It also took courage to de-clutter my circle of those who are looking serving my purpose. Courage will take you to places you have never imagined. As a teenager, growing up in a very challenging environment made me stronger than my peers. I never celebrated birthdays until my 20th – then SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Anita Duckworth-Bradshaw

(popularly known as Anita Bradshaw) is the founder of two international organisations (La Proverbs Ltd and Woman The Powerhouse Ltd) based in London. She is an accredited coach from the Coaching Academy. A well-grounded individual with passion for positive change, an incredible Business/Life coach, motivational speaker and trainer who pride in supporting others to do, have and become more. Lady Anita is the author of two books (The Road To Discovery and Woman The Powerhouse) all motivational piece. Website: www.laproverbsacademy.net or www.womanthepowerhouse.com

89 | Spiritual Etiquette

Business Kingdom Principles to Live By The advancement of the internet has given birth to so many millionaire entrepreneurs over the last few decades. With this sporadic growth comes the doctrine of acquiring more at any cost, getting ahead with no regard for those that are stepped on along the way. If we do not guard ourselves with the sword of the spirit (the word of God), it is so easy to be swept along with this same

difficult to turn down a contract that

doctrine of Me, Myself and I.

does not line up with our Christian

Below

are five business principles we ought to

beliefs, but we should consider the

live by so we ensure God is glorified in

effect on the kingdom of God and its

every business engagement.

advancement if we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. The margin

between right and wrong is blurred

Better A Little With Righteousness, Than Much Gain With Injustice. Proverbs 16:8 NIV

and it is so easy to cross over just to make a sale. As kingdom- minded business owners we have to stand firm

The bible states that in the end-times

and refuse to be swept away by need

men will become lovers of self â&#x20AC;&#x201C; desire

for gain and compromise our stand for

to excel, to get, to win and to be all they

righteousness. We must remember

can be for self glorification. It might be

that every gain with injustice does not

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Spiritual Etiquette | 90 glorify God nor does it advance His

away. The bible advices us to not let any

kingdom.

unwholesome talk come out of our

Remember - Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow. Proverbs 13:11 NIV 2. Commit To The Lord Whatever You Do And He Will Establish Your Plans

mouth but only what is helpful for

Many of us are guilty of calling on God when things go wrong in our businesses – when sales dwindle or when the contract falls through. We fail to communicate with Him regularly so He can direct our paths. The bible promises us that if we commit whatever we do to

building others up according to their needs. Ephesians 4:29 NIV. What are you saying about your business? What are people saying about your business? Are you speaking life or death? Are you engaging your customers with words that build them up or push them away? Studying the word of God is the best way to get wholesome thoughts and words into our subconscious so they effortlessly proceed from our mouths and bless the hearers.

God, He will establish our plans. As God knows the end from the beginning - if we commune regularly with Him - He will align our paths with His will so His

The Plans Of The Diligent Lead To Profit As Surely As Haste Leads To Poverty. Proverbs 21:5

promises can come to pass in our lives.

We live in a microwave, drive-thru and

God is the navigator system we need to

fast food age where we no longer want to

chart the course of our daily business. Let

build things to last. We want things

us make it a DAILY habit to commit our

NOW and very few are willing to wait for

business plans into His hands through

businesses to establish firm foundations

prayer so He (not the seemingly nice

and grow organically. No wonder so

‘other’ people) can establish our plans.

many businesses are here today, gone

The Words Of The Reckless Pierce Like Swords, But The Tongue Of The Wise Brings Healing. Proverbs 12:18

tomorrow. Diligence is what separate

Our words are powerful; they can lift up

Do we fulfil orders on time or are we

and bring down low. They can also make

habitually late? Are we eager to make

a difference between the signing of a

money and thereby cut corners and

contract and investors/customers walking

deliver sub-standard products?

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those who grow to succeed and those that haste to failure. Now the questions is how diligent are we in our businesses?

91 | Spiritual Etiquette Diligence is defined by Dicitonary.com as

put more of God’s ways into our business

“constant and earnest effort to accomplish what

and become mighty ambassadors of the

is undertaken; persistent exertion of body or

kingdom – being doers of the word and not

mind.” Does this definition describe you?

hearers only.

Are you constantly building your business or just wishing it to grow? Are you putting earnest effort to accomplish what you set to

Temi Koleowo – is a business

consultant, speaker, trainer, coach undertake? Does the quality of your work and mentor. She runs Business First Steps and the networking show diligence? Does your business glorify group Business Steps 4 Women. Temi provides God? These questions are part of the practical and personalized business startup and checklist we should apply to our business development services and helps people package what they love and enjoy into viable products and services daily to ensure we are living as kingdom- with purpose and profit - underpinned by the right minded business owners. processes and strategies to ensure business success. 5. You cannot serve both God and Temi is specially tuned to work with women who want to maximize their passion and find fulfillment Money. Matthew 6:24 NIV doing what they love - solely or in addition to their God does not wish for us to live in dire current careers or businesses.

straits but at the same time He proclaims Himself as a jealous God. So how do we balance God and business? We create balance by making God the centre of our business, so He can direct us to establish His kingdom through what we do. Money is a tool and should always be seen as such. If your business generates a lot of money, how you use it determines who is in control – God, You or Money? Put God first so He can establish the rest! A salon owner, doctor, consultant, teacher, gardener and entrepreneur all have equal opportunities to establish God’s kingdom on earth within their individual sphere of influence. Let us make conscious efforts to

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Speakers’ Profiles

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Reverend (Mrs) Bola Akintola Founder/President – Women of Faith International Solicitor specialising in Housing Law, Land Law & Consumer Law

Rev. Dr Carol Tomlin Senior Pastor of Restoration Fellowship Ministries Independent educational consultant, author and international speaker

Pastor Ruth Mateola is the Associate Pastor of Perazim International Christian Center in Medford Oregon USA A gifted teacher, author, national and international speaker who inspires, challenges and encourages with boldness A Certified American Associate of Christian Counsellor A certified wellness and nutrition coach, A certified trainer and life coach

Minister Ruth Dickson is an international singer, song writer, psalmist, author, speaker and missionary. Founder & Director at Gihon Books Publishing Company.

Mistress of Ceremony MC Ms Lola Ogunbadejo is an award winning presenter and producer and Women4Africa Media Personality of the year award ‘2012. One of the main presenters of the popular magazine show ‘Afrika Rising’, viewed on OHTV, Africa Magic and DSTV, Lola has interviewed various television and media personalities. She has also hosted her own show called ‘Out and About’ with Lola. SPRING 2014 WOMEN EMPOWERRING WOMEN

Break Out Speakers Mrs Funmi Adeyi is an International Radio and Television Presenter. Presenter of the highly acclaimed programme Lasting Love presently viewed on OHTV UK (Sky channel 199), OH Box and OHTV USA. Reverend Enomfon Ntefon is a Relationship Transformation Catalyst for Women, Marriage Mentor & Bounce Back Coach. Founder & Director of Winning Women in Relationships, with over 20 years’ experience working with singles and couples in a pastoral capacity. Miss Kerryn Grocia is a mentor, tutor and the Founder of Love Life Love Jewerly & Love Life Love Face Painting. A graduate of Empowered Woman - The Mentoring Academy, writer of 3 blog s and a dance worshipper for Diamondz Dance Academy. Mrs Amma Frimpong is a mentor, tutor and writer. Founder of Crown of Beauty a Praying Ministry and writer for a new blog site she started called ‘Raising an Army’. Presently volunteering as a lecture at Empowered Woman - The Mentoring Academy. Pastor Denise Roberts is a journalist, editor and publishing consultant. Director of The Editor’s Chair and editorial and publishing consultancy Co-Founder of Christian Women in Business (CWIB) a ministry concerned with the heart of the woman behind the business.

Anneesh Elizabeth is an Entrepreneurial Business Psychologist and Chair of the Forum for Business and Consumer Psychology Author of the books Turn Your Reason into Results, and Stand out and Love It. CEO of Catapults Confederates

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EmpoweredWoman Empowering women to empower nations If you have any comments on any of the articles featured in this magazine please send them to:

magazine@empoweredwoman.org.uk

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