Latest 7 Magazine: Issue 389 9-15 Sep 2008

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ jobs ★ cars ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 9 – 15 September 2008

hot in the city andrew finds a spicy treat at the chilli pickle

FREE WEEKLY

sound of silence skin deep how to take care of your biggest asset get out of it the out of the ordinary festival kicks off

supergrass get ready to rock the groundbreaking silent disco live at concorde 2 p29

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Contents

Welcome

★ latest jobs 4

You might wonder what’s the point of getting four top bands to Brighton to play for hundreds of fans, then promising the whole thing will be silent? Well Concorde 2 have a few tricks up their sleeves for the Silent Disco LIVE gigs taking place from Monday 22 to Thursday 25 September.

The venue has already announced that Dirty Pretty Things, Mystery Jets and Supergrass will be perfoming to audiences all wearing headphones. Now Latest 7 can exclusively reveal that Kula Shaker is to play on Wednesday 24 September. For more details about the gigs see music news (p29).

Nick Aldwinckle’s music interview this week is with David Boulter from Tindersticks – they’re back and they’re playing in Brighton on Saturday (p29).

Health writer Zara Baker has been finding out exactly how much damage she's done to her skin with all those summer holidays. To learn about Sk:n, the new Brighton clinic that can help you repair the damage, see page 19.

In her column this week, city council leader Mary Mears says forget about the rubbish weather – there are lots of good things going on in Brighton and Hove that make us lucky to live here (p14). Mary was elected in May and Latest 7 is the only publication in the city to have a regular column by her – read it every week to be first to find out her plans to shake up the city.

Our clubbing listings are usually spot on – but one reader was disappointed when he went out expecting to see Daft Punk for less than a fiver. Find out why on the letters page (p16). Also on that page, sport writer Joe Curtin wonders how the new trillionaire owner of Manchester City is going to spend on the club and heralds Lee Pearson one of our most successful sportsmen and winner of six gold Paralympic medals.

On other sporting matters, what are Sussex County Cricket Club going to do now they’ve lost star player Mustaq Ahmed?

In news, I look at how the club thinks changes to immigration rules could help (p13).

Food writer Andrew Kay has been spicing up his life at Chilli Pickle in The Lanes (p20) and Victoria Nangle has interviewed punslinger Tim Vine (p24).

Coincidentally, Tim Vine turns out to be one of Jimmy Cricket’s favourite comics – Jimmy is appearing in Worthing on Tuesday, 16 September in the Best of British 2008 variety show and will be in next week’s Latest 7.

Will Harris has been pondering why gays are getting butcher and straights are getting more metrosexual in Latest Gay (p35), which has news of the upcoming Stonewall Awards.

Canadian film maker Guy Maddin is promoting his new movie The Winnipeg; read an interview on page 27, where you can find out what’s on in Brighton cinemas this week.

4 Step into autumn with a new career

★ latest upfront 6–10

★ latest listings 23–43 23 Reviews and listings index We laughed, we cried: Here’s the lowdown of recent shows

24 Comedy 6 Chestnut Tree children’s hospice gets a boost from Brighton Pier

6 Win! DVD of the thrilling Wimbledon Men’s final when Nadal triumphed

7 Alison finally gets a kitchen 8 Sandra discovers some jobs are not what you think they will be

8 Dani is aghast at narrow-minded people 9 Steve Coogan is in winning mode 10 Bare cheek: the man with x-ray eyes

Tim Vine isn’t just a punny man

24 Art 25 Stage Gotta sing, gotta dance!

26 Film Cult director Guy Maddin talks to Latest

28 Kids and events It’s Yummy Mummy week!

28 Books The poets craft reviewed

★ latest news 13–16

29 Music

13 The Big Story looks at initiatives to help

33 Clubs and music listings

find the next Mushtaq Ahmed

15 Phil Mills looks at the positive results of resizing police wards

16 Letters and sport

Mojo Fins and others at the Concorde 2, plus Tindersticks Digital in pictures, plus all the listings

Latest Brighton Download Chart

★ latest lifestyle 19–21

34 Gay

19 Health: how to take care of your skin

36 Television

20 Food: Andrew has a hot date down at

06

New Beatles photography exhibition

TOP

09

40

Stonewall Awards, Will Tells and listings Dani doesn’t like those bossy ladies of fashion; 7 days of listings

Chilli Pickle

21 Hot list: The best cafés and restaurants around the city

24

20

29 01273

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Editor Rachel Pegg

Business Director Angi Mariani

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Website Manager Paul Burgess

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Sub Editors Joe Curtin Melina Greenfield

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards

25

Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst Marie Viviani Administration Claire Peerless Sara Henfridsson

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

36

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 3

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latest

jobs

Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

✆ 01273 323344

LETTING AGENTS

51 Queen’s Road, Brighton brightonoffice@homeleasing.co.uk

✆ 01273 746600

72 Western Road, Hove hoveoffice@homeleasing.co.uk

Home Leasing, one of Brighton’s largest letting agents, have vacancies for the following positions: An Experienced Fulltime Administrator is required for the Brighton office. Applicants will need to demonstrate a working knowledge of computers, Microsoft Word and have good interpersonal skills. Duties to include answering telephone enquiries and dealing with tenant and landlord queries. Lettings experience is not essential as in-house training will be given.

Fulltime Lettings Negotiator/Property Manager is required for the Hove office; applicant will be required to meet with landlords and prospective tenants. They will carry out valuations on properties, compile inventories and check tenants in and out. Will require a clean driving licence. Lettings experience not essential as in-house training can be given.

Applicants need to be flexible, reliable and able to work as part of a team, a keen sense of humour is a necessity. Positions available mid October.

Competitive salary depending on experience.

Applicants should forward their CV to I.G. Pinder at Home Leasing, 51 Queens Road Brighton BN1 3XB by 24th September 2008.

w w w. h o m e l e a s i n g . c o . u k

OPEN INVITATION TO ALL ESTATE AGENTS Lynn Cannell Associates are proud sponsors of the Brighton & Hove Estate Agents Association and cordially invite you to join us on Thursday 25th September, 11am-4pm Venue: The Preston Park Hotel, Brighton Free parking and lunch provided

The event with guest speakers will cover:

EPCs, HIPs, Money Laundering, Tenancy Deposit Scheme, Employment Law & Photography.

Places are limited so please contact us for further details

0845 130 1188 fax 0845 130 1189

4 latest jobs

email enquiries@lca-jobs.com

web www.lca-jobs.com

hundreds of jobs every week

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latest

jobs

Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

latest

jobs Do you have Job Vacancies you need to fill?

Why not advertise your vacancies within Latest 7 and reach over 100,000 readers?

Position Available

Latest 7 produces a successful job section every week, covering positions from admin roles to senior managers and account directors.

We are looking for an experienced

From only ÂŁ100 throughout September.

A strong cocktail background is a must

Call Marie for details on 01273 818150 ext 102 or email marie@thelatest.co.uk

Please forward CV to: Shane Jarvis

cocktail barman for a new lounge bar/ club

info@ombrighton.co.uk 07947 734 393 - 01273 607304

www.thelatest.co.uk/7 thelatest.co.uk/7

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LATESTDIARY

COMPETITIONS

latestdiary

IN IT TO WIN IT

With Tim Richardson

Win great new DVDs!

Pier today, gone tomorrow

Lost Boys 2: The Lost Tribe

On Wednesday 27 August, Business Community Partnership in conjunction with Brighton Pier and Chestnut Tree Children’s Hospice, invited local companies to a networking evening designed to support a grand project taking place during National Children’s Hospice Week.

Marc Thorley from Brighton Pier and co-driver Albey Brookes are today (Tuesday 9 September) six days into a road trip for children’s hospice Chestnut Tree House. Having departed on 3 September from Brighton Pier, they’ll visit all 54 piers in the UK in the space of ten days.

They will live in, sleep in and drive a green, grass-coloured van throughout the whole journey until their return on 12 September.

Travelling clockwise around the country, the pair are stopping off at each pier to take a photo and complete a challenge as evidence before moving onto the next one. All of this is taking place in a van courtesy of greenvanhire.co.uk, a hire service that runs all its vehicles on biodiesel. The project is aimed at raising awareness and money for Chestnut Tree House and children’s hospices all over the country.

It’s been 21 years since Kiefer Sutherland donned the bleached look in Lost Boys, blending comedy and horror to set a whole new plateau for the vampire genre. Would we have had Buffy, Charmed and Supernatural without it? As the original horror/comedy revisits the world of the Lost Boys with this new two-disc release from Warner Home Video out on DVD this week. Featuring the classic 1987 film and the next chapter The Lost Tribe, this is a must have for fans of the genre. This time round, to watch the setting is a sleepy surfer town in California.

The film brings Corey Feldman and Corey Haim back together on screen for the first time in 20 years. Jamieson Newlander reprises his role with Angus Sutherland (Passing Strangers) keeping things in the family and following in his famous half brother’s footsteps by playing a vampire.

For a chance to win this new DVD, tell us: Who is the father of original ‘lost boy’ Kiefer Sutherland who appeared in the 1992 film Buffy the Vampire Slayer?

A Donald Sutherland B Ronald Sutherland C Donald Trump

Marc Thorley (Brighton Pier) Albey Brookes (co-driver)

Marc and Albey with Chestnut Tree Chidren’s Hospice

Soundstage: Sheryl Crow Live One for music fans now with Sheryl Crow Live out for the first time on DVD this week. 17 memorable tracks are featured on this DVD including ‘All I Wanna Do’ and ‘Strong Enough,’ from the Soundstage performance. Filmed in high-definition and mixed in 5.1 Surround Sound, this package also includes a rare cover version of the Nick Lowe classic ‘(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace Love and Understanding.’

Soundstage was a PBS series featuring artists, that ran from 1974–1985, long before music television filled the airwaves. Now for the first time the series is released in high definition format as a keepsake DVD. To win, tell us: Which Nick Lowe classic does Sheryl Crow cover in this DVD?

to watch

Wimbledon 2008 Men’s Final

Pinball wizards Nido Marketing celebrated their fifth birthday at their new offices at 6 Gloucester Street, Brighton, with champagne, cake and a pinball competition, on Thursday 28 August.

The afternoon was attended by well over 60 people from lots of local businesses that Nido have met over the past five years. Guests were queuing to enter the pinball competition which was won by Heather Barrie from Culibra Health with 71,700 points.

Paul Irvine from Bionic Media was second with 66,240 and Nick Broom from Preview came third with 60,580 points. Nick also won a piece of fine art from exhibiting artist Trevor Scobie.

The Nido marketing team

June 2008: Nadal vs Federer. Relive the moments of the Wimbledon 2008 men’s final released on DVD by Target Entertainment next Monday 15 September.

Gruelling and tense, the battle for the world’s most respected and prestigious Grand Slams became the longest ever Wimbledon Men’s Final, finally drawing to a close at 9.15pm. For every tennis fan get your Wimbledon fix and relive the glory and determination of this gripping final round.

To win one of three copies on DVD tell us: Which player eventually won the 2008 men’s final after a gruelling game?

to watch

US Open Golf Venture out to the green in all new sports DVD to be released on 22 September. Taking place at Torrey Pines Golf Course in San Diego, this DVD documents the determination of each participant in the 91 hole tournament. Tiger Woods returns after a knee injury to battle for the title against Rocco Mediate in a rare 18-hole head-to-head final battle.

This is one for those with a love and passion for the game of golf. A great gift and a keepsake for fans, relive the competition of the 108th US Open.

To win, tell us: Where did the 108th US Open take place?

A San Diego B San Francisco C San Antonio

to watch

To be in with a chance of winning, email: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email, along with your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 23 September.

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ALISON’SCOLUMN

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Swanning around Alison Swann finally gives in and gets herself a kitchen…

Kitchen queen I keep looking at it, knowing that it has almost cost me two friendships and quite a bit of cash, and that I really could have done this years ago.

But why make life simple when you can face challenges on a daily basis?

That’s been the mantra of my life thus far. But now it’s all changed.

After two years, two months and twenty days I have a kitchen. A kitchen? Yes, a kitchen: you know, the basic requirement of living in the 21st century? I have one – oh my God! It’s not that I’m a Luddite or owt, it has simply been a rather slow journey to get the damned thing sorted out.

I was even starting to consider getting that bloke off the telly to come round as it was all starting to look like a bit of a DIY SOS moment. I then realised that would involve me having to pretend I had suffered some random disaster that would explain my inability to do the DIY myself. I’ve never been very good at being pitiful. I always laugh, even when something really bad has happened. “Oh no, it’s fine! I’ve got no legs. Hahahaha!” Maybe that is an actual affliction I could and should get help with.

The kitchen was the colour of mint toothpaste, with woodwork the colour of bruised oranges, the hallways pastel lemon, the bedroom a rather weird watery blue and, the pièce de résistance, a deep-purple tiled bathroom with a dirty pink carpet. It all had to go. We even took a fake ceiling down in the kitchen and managed to unveil two feet more of original-height ceiling and cocooned coving. Everything was then replastered and painted a pretty shade of antique white.

Then after the initial flurry of activity I got used to not having a kitchen. Living with a microwave precariously balanced on a old wooden cupboard and a very dodgy flame-thrower-type oven – which I actually set fire to last year – wasn’t that bad. I even pulled out what was left of the sink, thinking that would inspire me to get moving on the project, but no, I just learned to wash up in the bath. Shower heads are amazing for cleaning pans, I tell you.

So now it’s here. The getting it here bit was traumatising and I think it best to state that my two best friends had their desire to even be my friend severely tested by a day of traipsing up and down three floors to dismantle cupboards, drag work surfaces and then sit in a several very long traffic jams in the land of motorway. Beware what you promise to do in the pub. Just got to fit it now. That had better not take another two years.

“It was all starting to look like a bit of a DIY SOS moment” So yes, tether was finally at the end and action was needed. So I did what I always do, as I am not a fan of planning, and bought one on eBay. I thought it all looked like quite the bargain: a nearly new kitchen with all the appliances – bish bash bosh, job’s a good ‘un. Well, as it turns out, the easy bit was the bidding, the rest – well, that’s where I played Russian roulette with friendships.

When I moved into the flat, the room where the kitchen should be was, along with the rest of the flat, a rather startling array of colours. In fact the entire flat looked like a colour blind man on acid, with only a fiver to spend at the bargain bin at the local DIY store, had painted it.

Comments? Get in touch: alison@thelatest.co.uk

latestcrossword Cryptic 160 ACROSS 3 Peter and Paul - the everlasting combination (9) 7 Creature rolling in black stuff (3) 8 Mob trouble in first-rate country is something detestable (11) 10 Tenant losing river home (5) 11 Part of kettle loaned from the east with me involved (7) 13 Chief Luddite comes round with some wood for the anniversary (6) 14 Spread out paws loosely right and left (6) 17 The joint is being held back by stretching (7) 19 Get robbed dispersing weapons around the square (5) 20 Not one to get his wires crossed (11) 22 Brewing agent used with Scotch (3) 23 Money collector confuses Mexicans with the Orient (9)

solutions on page 34

Quick 160 DOWN 1 Celebrity of little substance caught in celestial glow (9) 2 Cheating German woman has the French caught by a numskull (11) 3 Pupil in favour of half-term takes Greek exam initially (7) 4 Rolls-Royce carries assistant invader (6) 5 Escape from French girl first (5) 6 Make fuss at a party (3) 9 Medicine concocted by Apache and Inca with coypu tail (11) 12 Daily means of getting the message across (9) 15 Martyrdom on the mountain road from which one has no turning back (7) 16 Element one gets in mud mixture (6) 18 Pulsation observed in music Tuscan-style (5) 21 Loose ends of plant fibres (3)

ACROSS 3 Of Charles Darwin (9) 7 Twosome (3) 8 Necessity (11) 10 Parts of speech (5) 11 Of the side (7) 13 Speaks (6) 14 Organs (6) 17 Raise (7) 19 Theme (5) 20 Similarity (11) 22 Indian tree (3) 23 Home (9)

DOWN 1 Exciting experience (9) 2 Transport official (11) 3 Furniture piece (7) 4 Replenish (6) 5 Small bay (5) 6 Stupid person (3) 9 Sincerity (11) 12 Sensually (9) 15 Huge (7) 16 Falcon (6) 18 Furnished with weapons (5) 21 Night before (3)

latest 7 7

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EMOTIONS

STYLE

Model city

Dani’s diary

Sandra Omo discovers that some modelling jobs are not what they appear

Dani can’t stand narrow-minded people ruining the spirit of Pride I have a rather interesting tale to tell. Well, at least I found it slightly interesting and amusing. I personally thought it was a bloody good ideal of the kind I person I dislike and who, for some reason unbeknown to me, likes to congregate in Brighton!

Pride is part of what makes Brighton… Well, Brighton. I did not attend this year. The big crowds and lack of clothing generally are not good for someone who suffers with their nerves (I’m saying it like I am my nan now). But I have been before. And generally had a good time. The thing I love about Pride is that it doesn’t happen everywhere and that it is just a massive day of proof that, regardless of what the newspapers say, there are places in this country where people with all different kinds of beliefs can get along and have a ruddy good time too.

“Personally, I don’t understand how my friend managed to hang out with her for that long without slapping her” Before today, I had almost forgotten what it feels like not to make it to the shortlist after a casting. Actually, the truth is that it has been a while since I attended a proper casting. The majority of the jobs I have done lately have been through direct castings: where the client specifically requests the model. Even in circumstances where I have been to castings, it has mainly been to show my face to the rest of the team who have not met me yet, as I already know I have the job before I even arrive.

It is good to be able to snatch jobs without castings; nonetheless, I love the thrill I get from the competition that is associated with castings where you haven’t a clue what the result will be. Therefore, I have been nagging my booker that he hasn’t sent me for any ‘raw’ castings lately. He has since made countless jokes about this and recently, he called me and said, “I finally have a raw casting for you, and I hope this is raw enough.” By the playful tone of his voice, and after he mentioned it was for a music video I should have known, or at least suspected something unusual, but I guess I was so excited about attending a casting again. So, without any further questions, I agreed to go for the casting. In addition, the pay was too good for a music video, even better than most modelling jobs.

Plus I was auditioning for a major role, so I decided to go have some fun.

“I wonder how some of the girls were able to comport themselves, as I just could not” When I arrived, the first thing I was told was that I had to take off my make-up so that I could reapply it during the casting. The woman was not so communicative so I didn’t quite get what she meant until the next girl went in. It was a glass door so we could see everything that was happening. It was nothing to do with a music video. No dancing or strutting, or any of the normal stuff one would expect from a music video casting. It was weird. The models had to make up for the camera as well as say some words backwards, and other funny stuff. I cannot explain how funny it was. We were all laughing our hearts out even before it got to our turn. I wonder how some of the girls were able to comport themselves, as I just could not. In fact, I only went through the casting so I could get a column out of it.

When I left the casting, I was still too amused to want the job, as I just could not get it. I am not a music video girl, nonetheless there are a few artists who I would not mind being in their video. However, even at that, I would not be doing any of those things the models were required to do during this casting. It was ‘clowny’.

I got to know later that my booker knew all about this as the video was going to be a documentary on weird videos, but did not mention it to me since I wanted a raw casting. In fact, this was too raw for me so much so that I just could not handle it as I virtually laughed all through the casting. God only knows what the director of the video was thinking. I need not tell you whether I got the job or not; I guess you have figured it out by now.

8 latest 7

This interesting tale began as the sun started to set over St James’s Street. A friend of mine had spent the day in the area and was now settling in for a night of partying. The evening was going off with a bang. And what made the bang slightly better was that there were a selection of scantily clad girls floating around handing out free shots of a certain type of spirit that knocks your socks off that I can’t spell. But anyway, these girls were handing out free drink and one of them got chatting to my friend. In the meantime, over the road, a little impromptu play had begun, depicting all the different things a gay man could encounter.

They turned to watch. The steadily gathering audience were laughing along as these two men entertained, fuelled mainly by alcohol and adrenaline. They mimed out everything including what would happen if the first date went particularly well (if you get my drift).

At this point, the girl handing out free drinks turned to my friend and exclaimed: “That is disgusting! They shouldn’t be allowed to do that in public, that’s gross”. My friend was a little taken aback. You have to kind of expect to see that sort of thing at Pride.

So my friend turned to the girl in hotpants carrying a tray of shots and asked her to elaborate. Needless to say everything she said was rubbish and made no sense whatsoever. But the real clincher of the evening was when, later on the girl was asked what she did when she wasn’t offering strangers free drinks, she announced that she was a part-time lap dancer and stripper.

Personally I don’t understand how my friend managed to hang out with her for that long without slapping her.

To me this is a perfect example of one of the reasons I love Brighton, intertwined with a great example of why I hate it – narrow-mindedness.

For comments and chit chat email letters@thelatest.co.uk Collection/delivery ordering service for

IKEA goods Tell us what you want, and we’ll deliver it. Simple as that.

No traffic. No queues. No rows. No hassle.

FEARLESS MIKE 01273 711166 As seen on TV

admin@fearlessmike.com

www.fearlessmike.com

Ask about our flatpack assembly service We are an independent limited company and not part of the Ikea group

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AROUNDTOWN

sponsored by

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Flying high Richard Branson is tempted by Gatwick’s charms and Bill Bailey’s ready to hit the right note We like to call it our London airport, but really its runways lie just over the Sussex Downs – yes I am talking about Gatwick.

The airport, which handles over 32million passengers a year, has been valued at just over £2billion pounds, might have a new celebrity owner. Sussex boy, Sir Richard Branson, owner of Virgin Atlantic, has been reported to be very interested in buying the airport, lock stock and barrel. Gatwick is currently owned by BAA, which also has Heathrow, Stanstead, Southampton, Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen.

A spokeswoman for Virgin said last week: “We would be able to bring our expertise in customer service into any ownership group”, It is very early days in terms of Gatwick’s future ownership but we are watching developments closely”.

Watch this space.

Sussex Men of the Year Two Sussex celebs were in the news last week as they both attended the GQ Men of the Year awards. Steve Coogan picked up an award for Best Actor while Hastings boys Keane treated the celeb-studded audience to their new single ‘Spiralling’. The annual event held at the Royal Opera House, was hosted this year by Lily Allen.

Keane

Bill Bailey

Steve Coogan

Comedy is Paramount Big names a go-go have signed up to perform at this year’s Paramount Comedy Festival.

Kicking off on October 4 at the Dome, is Bill Bailey, who will be performing Bill Bailey’s ‘Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra’. Fans of the Never Mind the Buzzcocks star, can expect a comedic tour of the BBC’s Concert Orchestra, with the added help of Anne Dudley, one of the UK’s most celebrated composers and arrangers. Look out for 70s cop show music, news themes and some of Bill’s own songs.

Tickets are available from the Dome Box office by calling 01273 709709.

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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9/3/08

2:22 PM

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ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek

http://www.cheekbay.co.uk/WW_00Q_9899

Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Yes! We here at Bare Cheek are launching our own version of eBay, the brand-new internet phenomenon that everyone’s talking about.

Ask MC Skat Kat

To bid, please write your offer on a self-addressed envelope and send it to Bare Cheek, Latest 7 Magazine, The bins behind Richer Sounds, London Road, Brighton.

The celluloid puddy-tat who reached No.2 in the charts in February 1990 with his Paula Abdul duet ‘Opposites Attract’ solves your problems…

Dear MC Skat Kat, I’m an extreme agoraphobic.

While peering through a chink in my curtains at the outside world I’ve noticed the very attractive claustrophobic girl who lives next door, who appears to be a professional windsurfer and mountain climber. Should I ask her to marry me? Please bear in mind that I take rejection very, very badly.

Jim, Hove

resulted in a number of cases of assault, suicide, murder, murder-suicide, and the destruction of Tel Aviv University. So I’m saying, maybe you shouldn’t ask this girl out, y’know? Maybe it would be a bad idea…

Sod it. Agoraphobic?

Claustrophobic? Who am I kidding? It can’t fail. Do it, man.

Do it now!

Word!

MC SKAT CAT SEZ: Yo Jim! Listen man, I’m stayin’ out of this. It seems to me that my mantra of ‘opposites attract’ has been going down real bad of late, and has

CheeK-baY

MC Skat Kat

Item

Bids

Price

Time Left

AJ Wentworth, BA by HF Ellis slightly damaged

0

0.25p,

22 days 59 mins

Ten Summoner’s Tales CD by Sting Never played. Inlay slightly excrement stained

0

0.75p,

22 days 59 mins

Tony Danza Genuine late 70s/early 80s hunk/dimwit Slightly worn around edges

0

£1.50p,

22 days 59 mins

Brian Mitchell’s dignity Somewhat damaged, needs restoration Still in original box

0

0.50p,

22 days 59 mins

Hilarious joke about Norman Cook joining The Barron Knights. Hardly used

0

Pictures of Joseph Nixon’s arse 100 per cent genuine, authenticated

by David Dickinson

0

£1.50p, 22 days 59 mins

£1.50p,

22 days 59 mins

Spotted!

With the man with X-ray eyes

In & Out IN

OUT

• Papier-mâché

• Line dancing

• Dropsy

• Word Mastermind

• Briefly adopting Vince Vaughn’s “She’s money” slang from the film Swingers, but dropping it when you realise no one else is doing it

• Ribald humour concerning Snow White, involving the words ‘seven up’

• Talking Telephone Numbers

• Itchy balls

• Nellee Hooper

• Pig iron

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

Walking along the seafront while talking loudly on her mobile – Claudia Winkleman. Aha! She’s wearing saucy underwear beneath her clothing too!

Enjoying a meal with friends in an East Street eatery – Dermot O’Leary.

Crikey! I never knew he had a mole there!

Flicking through the CDs in Zavvi – Ewan McGregor.

Blimey! Fancy having a tattoo of a bag of crisps on your bum!

Buying a doughnut on the pier – well, it’s hard to tell ‘cos I can just see the skeleton, but I think it’s probably Ricky Hatton.

Arrrgggh! I can see everything! Things that man was never meant to espy! I can see right through the universe, to where the dark gods wait for us!!!

Oooh! Lorraine Kelly’s wearing a thong…

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

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ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Your astral diet dictates that you should avoid salt and booze. So that rules out margaritas. Salt will attack your bones and arteries, and liquor your kidneys. Drink plenty of water.

The advice is avoid starch, sugar and salt. The first two may cause constipation, the third bloating. Put the three together and you have, potentially, a very messy disaster.

Believe it or not that a star sign should avoid fizzy pop, but Librans should. It will bring you out in spots, boils and cankers, only if you apply it as a body wash. Drinking may be less harmful.

Capricorns can be lazy about their diet and treat food merely as fuel. Well wake up and smell the curried goat.

That said, Capricorn should avoid spicy food and rich sauces.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Carbohydrates can turn Taurus into a fatty beast and should be avoided.

Believe that and you will believe anything. Take a tip form Gemini and get a balanced diet.

Leo, Leo, Leo, you busy little beast. I know how time presses on you but you simply must take care of your diet. Food taken on the hoof tends to be less healthy; make time for tucker.

Scorpio has the least tolerance for alcohol, which given that Scorpio has the least tolerance of all things is a deadly combo. Avoid big meals and drink bottled water.

Aquarians should avoid coffee and it comes as no surprise. Noisy old water carriers are difficult enough without the added stimulus of caffeine – it’s camomile time again.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Avoid caffeine and stick to herbal infusions this week. Any cravings you have for junk food should be equally dismissed. Seek out your higher culinary plane – you know you can.

Advice that chocolate has moodelevating abilities should not be taken too far. It is also fattening when taken in excess. Empty out that hidden stash right now and buy a cereal bar.

Foods that do not agree with Sagittarius are fats, gravy, cream, butter, sweets, and chocolate. How dull is that? But hey, imagine how slim you will be and what great teeth – a small sacrifice.

Pisces needs plenty of iron. Oysters have plenty of iron – hoorah! Nip off to Bardsley’s and pre-order a fat platter of bivalves now, you know it makes sense. And change the sheets.

10 latest 7

To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

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9/5/08

10:17 AM

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latest

01273 687171 formerly joogleberry

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big rhythm & blues band in the style of BOOM BOOM SALOON jools holland & co FREE 10.30pm - 2.30am

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sunday sept 14th

roast ‘n’ jazz the lovely tim wade, trombone brothers

£10 incl lunch 12.30 – 3.30pm

terry seabrook, piano

monday sept 15th

declan bennett gay tango

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check our website for full programme

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5/9/08

12:05 PM

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013_LS389_newsbigstory

9/5/08

12:25 PM

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latest news No nonsense, just news. Send your stories to: news@thelatest.co.uk

Where will Sussex find its next Mushtaq?

Rachel Pegg looks at how the new immigration system could help the club

Reaching for the stars Cricket greats like Mushtaq Ahmed could be on our shores quicker due to a new immigration system. Sussex County Cricket Club is among organisations signing up to the government’s points-based border control scheme so it can carry on recruiting foreign players.

Representatives of the club attended an information day held by the Home Office’s UK Border Agency in Brighton last week – and welcomed the fact that the system will speed up the transfer of players. Also present at the event at the Holiday Inn on Kings Road were key figures from the University of Sussex, Bellerbys College, Virgin, Dean Wilson Laing, Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals and Sussex hotels.

The UK Border Agency warned organisations that if they do not sign up now, they risk being left unable to recruit from foreign lands while their application is processed. The agency had expected many thousands of bodies to have registered as ‘sponsors’ of non-EU employees by now to ensure they can still recruit when the new system comes into play. But only 700 have applied across the whole country and around 200 have so far been approved.

The scheme will be brought into use for businesses, including sports clubs and entertainment companies, at the end of November.

For organisations to ensure they are compliant by that date, they need to sign up by 1 October.

Hugh Ind, area director for the UK Border Agency in London and the South East, said: “This is not a focus on keeping people out. This is making sure the right people come in.”

He said the agency did not know whether people were failing to apply because they did not know about the scheme, but said it was important they knew they could get information from the agency. “If you are an employer and you do need to bring in skilled workers, you won’t be able to bring them after the end of November without a licence.”

Mr Ind denied the points system would cause more red tape for employers. He said: “It is actually way less bureaucratic on balance. This isn’t a more expensive scheme. This is a simple process and I believe cheaper overall for the UK work system.”

Simon Dyke, cricket secretary for Sussex County Cricket Club, hoped the scheme would speed up the transfer of staff as the club would no longer have to wait for a permit from the Border Agency in Sheffield, then send it on to players such as Mushtaq Ahmed in their own countries. Instead the club would be supplied with an authorisation code which they could send electronically to the employee. Mr Dyke said the club has previously had to wait ten days for a replacement after a player had been injured.

“It is quite an important process to make sure we get it right and make sure players get over in the shortest period of time. It is always a rigmarole every season getting a work permit for a guy who has been here for five or six years and then getting a permit over to Pakistan, which is not always the most receptive place to get a permit."

“It is always a rigmarole every season getting a work permit and then getting it over to Pakistan” Sussi Lassen of Improve Your English International language college said: “I think the system is of high value to security. I don’t like all the bureaucracy and extra work we get but it is a necessity.”

The new five-tier system replaces the old work permit system that offered about 80 different ways to gain work status in the UK including, reputedly, one route purely for Canadian firefighters.

It is the biggest change to the UK’s immigration system in 45 years.

Now there are just five categories of non-EU working immigrants: • Highly skilled individuals who get automatic approval and do not need a sponsor.

• Skilled workers who need an employer sponsor.

• Low-skilled workers able to fill temporary labour shortages – this category is temporarily suspended as the government believes these posts can be filled by EU workers.

• Students and “youth mobility and temporary workers”, that is, young people on gap year or sportspeople and entertainers.

Only workers who have provable skills will be able to gain entry to the UK, and only if they have an employer sponsor. Applicants can fill in a ‘points calculator’ on the UK Border Agency website.

Small companies with a turnover of less than £5.6million and no more than 50 employers will have to pay £300 to register, then £170 for each non-EU worker they employ. Large companies will have to pay £1,000 to register and £170 for each employee.

Educational institutions have to pay £400 to register, but the scheme does not apply to them until spring. Students have to pay £10 each. Companies will be obliged to inform the government if an employee goes missing for more than ten days or there is a change in their employment. If firms have existing non-EU workers, they will have to apply under the new scheme when current work permits run out.

ID cards for foreign nationals will also become compulsory from November.

To register as a sponsor visit www.points.homeoffice.gov.uk latest 7 13

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9/5/08

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LATESTNEWS

news summary

7 days of headlines

MP Des Turner condemned Brighton and Hove City Council’s plans to close day centres and homes for people with learning disabilities. Des Turner, who represents Brighton Kemp Town, said the council was breaking its promise not to cut front line services. Dr Turner said not only would people suffer, but valuable jobs would be lost.

China town Colour and charm from China graced the grounds of Brighton’s Royal Pavilion with a Chinese Festival to tie in with an exhibition ‘Chinese Whispers’ at Brighton Museum until 2 November.

Performances, demonstrations and have-a-go activities including acrobatics, martial art displays and lantern making also celebrated handover day as the Olympic baton passed from Beijing to London for the 2012 games.

NCP car parks will come under council control this week.

Brighton and Hove City Council is to take over car parks in Carlton Hill, Oxford Court, Trafalgar Street, Regency Square and Kemp Town's High Street from Tuesday 9 September. The council will use £1million of profits to improve existing car parks in London Road and The Lanes A survey revealed nearly 20 per cent of traffic in Brighton is on the school run. Nationally the school run produces more than two million tonnes of CO2 every year. City Car Club called for more people to sign up.

Film festival award

latest 7

NEWS

A film festival run by people with learning disabilities has been voted the UK’s favourite Lotteryfunded arts project.

Brighton’s Oska Bright Film Festival beat hundreds of projects across the UK to the prize. The team were given a £2,000 cash prize. A record number of public votes were cast.

Accepting the award from EastEnders star Emma Barton, Mark Richardson, co-director of Oska Bright, said: “It is an absolute honour to have won this award.

Our Lottery funding has allowed us to make a real difference in our community and beyond. Being part of this year’s awards has enabled our project to be recognised on a national platform.

“We have received tremendous support throughout all stages of the competition and I would like to thank everyone who voted.”

Celebrity Lottery Arts ambassador Emma Barton said: “The project received an overwhelming response from the public who really got behind them.“

Moving ahead Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears looks on the sunny side Although August was one of the wettest months on record, it hasn’t dampened our spirits at Brighton and Hove City Council.

I hope I can provide some cheer by telling you about some of the ways the council is working to make this city a great place to live, work and visit.

Latest readers will know we’ve found £9million of savings without damaging front line services since the start of my administration. This week sees one example of our innovative ways of saving money as the council is training its first ‘urban shepherds’ – or sheep ‘lookerers’. These civic-minded volunteers will tend a flock of sheep in Wild Park, Moulsecoomb, as a green alternative to expensive grass-cutting equipment. This means we’re saving money and protecting the environment.

Not only are these gentle creatures far better at avoiding rare flowers than traditional machinery – they will cut down on fuel-usage and make a pleasant addition to this area of parkland, which has not seen grazing sheep for more than half a century.

We’re also determined to improve living conditions for everyone in our city so we’ll be watching with keen interest on Thursday when the Government releases national homelessness figures for cities. While it’s never pleasant to think about people having to spend nights in the cold, this is a reminder that in this city we are beginning to make progress in driving down numbers of people who have nowhere to live, and this is partly because of our work to reduce the number of households in temporary accommodation.

14 latest 7

Our figures for the last financial year showed that the city had 498 households in temporary accommodation – a fall of 15 per cent on the previous annual figure of 587. The council has achieved this by getting involved much earlier with people at risk and this gives us the time to intervene and prevent someone losing their home. However, we’re not complacent and we realise there’s much still to do with partner agencies to tackle the issues and meet the housing, health and wellbeing needs of vulnerable residents.

Finally, we’re keen to keep the city moving and the new bus corridor being built on the A259 out of the east side of the city was designed to tackle traffic congestion and shorten journeys. However, we realise there are some concerns about how this work is being carried out and it is important to me to listen to those views. That’s why one of my tasks is to take a petition from concerned residents about this project to my Cabinet colleagues.

If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

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LATESTNEWS Phil Mills looks at the positive policing results of resizing neighbourhood wards

Size matters Policing in Brighton and Hove is about to get close up and personal. The city is to be divided into more than forty small wards with officers dedicated to each neighbourhood to increase contact with residents, provide more reassurance, gather more intelligence and boost crime fighting.

More than 13,000 fewer people in Sussex became victims of crime and 5.5 per cent more offenders were brought to justice last year. The force credits neighbourhood policing for part of the success and they hope expanding it will boost crime fighting even further. In Brighton and Hove the expansion will mean increasing the existing handful of large neighbourhood wards to 43 smaller ones.

Sergeant Pete Castleton, the city’s Community Safety Partnership officer, said the move was not just about improving statistics: “People’s perception of crime is very important and we want to show them what is happening in their areas and what we are doing as a way of reassuring them.” Residents can log onto www.sussex.police.uk to find out who their local Police Community Support Officers, PCs and supervisors are for their particular neighbourhood.

Sergeant Castleton said: “Soon, we aim to let people log in to the same site to find out what crime issues are affecting their neighbourhoods – but without creating fear. We aim to present a balanced picture.” The force is

latest 7

NEWS

also aiming to provide a better service to the public by freeing frontline officers from officebound work and bureaucracy.

A major review focused on city policing has led to better grading of calls to the police, improved officer deployment, increased sergeant supervision, more intelligence gathering and better communication with crime victims. Assistant Chief Constable Robin Merrett said the changes would now be implemented in other parts of the county.

The force’s priority, however, remains neighbourhood policing and across Sussex, the number of wards will treble to 245. Chief Constable Martin Richards has firmly nailed his colours to the Neighbourhood Policing mast. He said: “The smaller the neighbourhood, the greater the results will be.

“Neighbourhood areas are the building blocks of policing. Our review has sought to identify where they can be made smaller, on the principle that neighbourhood policing is more effective the more local it is.”

“More than 13,000 fewer people in Sussex became victims of crime”

Hi-de-degree Having offered degrees in science fiction, belly dancing, and swimming with sharks you would think universities had lost their ability to shock.

Well, how about this new one?

Butlins has teamed up with Chichester University to train aspiring Redcoats in Bognor where Butlins’ holiday resort is based and where the university has a campus.The two-year course in musical theatre can lead to a third year programme to gain a BA (Hons) in music.

Redcoats were popularised by the

long-running BBC series Hi-de-Hi and many stars made their career breakthroughs after starting as Butlin Redcoats including: Michael Barrymore, Darren Day, former Steps singer Ian ‘H‘ Watkins, Jimmy Tarbuck and Des O'Connor.

A Butlins spokeswoman said: “If we can develop some stars for the future through this programme then that can only be a good thing.“ University officials said the course would help to raise skill levels and would see Butlins marry its entertainment business with educational enterprise. latest 7 15

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LATESTLETTERS&SPORT

Letters

Send your comments to letters@thelatest.co.uk

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Rich man’s world Latest Sport’s Joe Curtin assesses the power of financial clout on the football pitch

Danni and Tom King, the Ocean Rooms’ new promoters

In the Bunker’s review of the 2007/8 and preview of 2008/9 Premiership seasons we remarked that last season, among the sublime – the standard of football, the exciting climaxes at both ends and the English domination of Europe – there was plenty of the ridiculous. Most of this centred on Richard Scudamore and the incredible greed in the game today.

Football has been bonkers for a while now and we predicted more of the same, and this has been the case – thus far. Only last week Kevin Keegan, the Geordie messiah, was sacked from Newcastle United and Alan Curbishley walked away from West Ham, both after underhand interference from their boards (surely the sale of Anton Ferdinand and full-back George McCartney forced Curbs’ hand?). And the start of the season saw the alleged human rights’ offender Thaksin Shinawatra frozen at Manchester City after the same was done to his assets due to his and his wife’s affairs in their native Thailand.

Misleading listing?

Dear Latest 7, I pick up a copy of your magazine every week for a good, informative read on what’s happening in the city. I quite often look up the bar and club listings written by Jaime Pettit and thought I’d visit the Ocean Rooms on a Friday night to see what it was all about.

This was after reading what seems to be a rather confusing and misleading listing with regards to what music to expect. Almost all Latest 7 weekly listings for this night state: ’Henron mixes up his usual frenzy with Justice, Daft Punk and Mstrkrft’. Firstly, there was none of that specific music played and more importantly, the listing looks to the eye like those artists are actually present at the night when they are not.

I have frequented various music venues and clubs throughout the country for many years and have never known a club or local magazine advertise a night by what music a DJ plays as opposed to who is actually performing there. A DJ’s style is described by what style or genre they play and not by what specific records are played. By not booking famous acts but advertising big tunes instead the venue will end up with disappointed punters.

Maybe this should be rewritten as most other listings are usually accurate. I would be interested in hearing what you think.

Kind regards, Jonny Alexander Editor’s reply: Hi Jonny, I agree with what you say and I’m sorry the listing was misleading. It was sent to us by previous club promoters for the Ocean Rooms in their monthly listings. If you read last week’s Latest 7, you’ll know that the Ocean Rooms has been taken over by a new promoter so it will be a different person making the bookings from now on and a different person sending out the listings! So hopefully it won’t happen again. Thanks for your kind words about Latest.

Tom King, the new promoter at the Ocean Rooms and the man behind Brighton’s Spunk club nights, replies: Anyone who thought they would catch Daft Punk, Justice and many more for £2 entry on a Friday night in Brighton must be completely insane and as such I would encourage them to come to Spunk where they would fit in nicely.

Digging Dani I love reading Dani's weekly diary in Latest 7! She's a little crazy but she speaks the truth. I completely agree with what she says about a person’s first and last breath, how we are all the same. Her writing is inspirational!

Carry on the fab job!

Cassie Thomas

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 16 latest 7

“This £555billion makes Roman Abramovich look a complete pauper with his paltry £12billion” City were leaders in last season’s crazy count. What has now happened at Eastlands leaves even that behind by a country mile.

Shinawatra has sold the club to the ironically named (for Blues’ fans) Abu Dhabi United Group and stepped aside to become non-administrative president. Dr Bhind Sulaiman Al Fahim, the friendly face of ADUG is Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan, brother of the ruler of Abu Dhabi and a man in control of his family’s estimated $1trillion fortune.

This £555billion makes Roman Abramovich look a complete pauper with his paltry £12billion. And the sheikh’s first coup has been to snatch Robinho from the Russian’s Chelsea along with a near hijacking of the sale of Berbatov to the other half of Manchester. For non-supporters of United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool there will be lots of fun to be had as City’s new-found financial clout upsets the Big Four apple cart. It seems a new bully has entered the Premiership playground – one with vastly more muscle than the others. In this surreal financial gladiatorial arena that is our top flight, let the games begin.

Paralympics Conversely, and strangely apt, football, the game of the average person is today talking of dollar trillionaires as club owners, baby Bentleys for players and £1,000 season tickets for fans, whereas dressage the equestrian sport beloved of the upper class is being represented in the Paralympics by a former supermarket shelf stacker.

Lee Pearson is the winner of six Olympic gold medals, one more than Sir Steve Redgrave. Pearson, who was born with arthrogryposis

multiplex congenita, enters the Games without his beloved horse Blue Circle Boy (nicknamed ‘Gus’) who has retired, and goes for further gold on a new, inexperienced ride. Money is always tight and he has to constantly find sponsorship and juggle his finances.

Hopefully further success will bring him the rewards given to other Olympic heroes. Good luck to him and all Britain’s Paralympians from Latest Sport.

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9/3/08

4:53 PM

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018_LS389_ads

9/4/08

12:18 PM

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brighton natural health centre

open day free taster classes Saturday 13th September 2008 10.30am to 4.00pm Take part in as many 30 min sessions you like for free.

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18 latest 7

017_LS389_health

9/3/08

3:40 PM

Page 1

HEALTH

See more health tips at wavemagazine.co.uk

Sk:n deep Zara Baker goes along to Sk:n and finds that inner beauty may reign but the surface need some TLC too Beauty may be about what’s on the inside but it certainly doesn’t hurt to care about what’s on the outside. Sk:n say: ‘Beauty is only skin deep – well 0.6mm to be precise.’ The idea of physical beauty and that it’s only skin deep was first found in the works of Sir Thomas Overbury in 1613. Nearly 400 hundred years on, there is more pressure on appearances than ever, with products aimed at looking youthful and attractive.

We only have the one body, so what’s wrong in wanting to care for it? Our skin is the largest organ we have and should be looked after. When I visited Sk:n in the new Jubilee Street development, it was overwhelming to see the different services they offer.

There are treatments for many skin conditions that will help improve its appearance and boost one’s self confidence. A first time visit will always start the same though, with a consultation about you.

After a brief by the nurse, I was put in the skin scanner so she could take a closer look my skin. We’ve all heard of the scanner: it’s where under a special UV light we see the damage caused by sun exposure, ageing and free radicals. After summers abroad with sunburnt cheeks I was nervous about the results. Would I see the damage and freckles appear in my reflection in the scanner? Daunting it may seem, but it’s a real eye opener and a chance to see what’s happening to your skin that you don’t see in everyday light.

If there’s an oil build-up, this shows as darker spots, showing the necessity for exfoliating. Darker areas around the eyes indicate dehydration, where eye-cream is needed to moisturise.

Sun damage shows in freckles and pigmentation, that may not be visible to the naked eye but shows under the scanner. My results? No sun damage as yet – I will keep applying the SPF daily, that’s for certain.

My oily teenage skin has passed, thanks to exfoliating, but the scanner did pick up white around the eyebrows. This was a sign of dry, dead skin, as the eye area and over the eyebrows was ignored during exfoliation. This was rectified with a gentle microdermabrasion treatment. Left in the safe hands of nurse Jasmine Derzi, this treatment uses suction and crystals to rejuvenate the skin and exfoliate. This is not recommended for those with rosacea or dark skin. Instead a glycolic peel (think of the benefits of four facials in one) will give similar results.

Sk:n also offer treatments for skin conditions including acne scarring, thread veins, stretch marks and even tattoo removal. There may be something about your body you dislike, but you don’t have to live with it.

Visit Sk:n, 8–9 Jubilee Street, Brighton, 0800 028 7222, sknclinics.co.uk

If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

latest 7 19

020_LS389_food

9/4/08

11:50 AM

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

What a pickle Andrew Kay finds hot new Indian cuisine at Chilli Pickle

There are moments when I crave the womb-like security of a flock wallpaper-adorned booth, with decorative panels cut from plywood. But not many. These days the lure of the old-school Indian restaurant has waned, a situation brought on by a visit to India and the appearance of a new wave of Indian restaurants, where the tendency to a pot of stock sauce has been eschewed in favour of real cooking.

Chilli Pickle is part of the new school, and one performing at an A-star level – within a very short time of opening. I spotted it a few weeks back, but chose to leave it a few weeks to bed in before hitting it with the full force of my tongue – in both senses.

Stylistically, it is smart, casual and modern; with bright colours and clever detailing. Practical but comfy at the same time. The menu is refreshingly short for an Indian restaurant and divides between a lunch through to teatime selection and an evening a la carte.

In the day the emphasis is on Indian street foods – small portions for appealingly small prices that you can order to satisfy the largest or smallest of appetites. I liked the concept immediately, a sort of pick‘n‘mix thali. I was also delighted they were preparing a selection of these smaller dishes for us to try, even though the lunch menu was no longer available.

“A potato curry had us cooing with delight at how brilliantly subtle the use of Indian spices can be” My guest on this occasion was Mr D, close friends call him Ugly, but heaven only knows why, he is anything but. A strapping lad, he has an appetite to match, but also a very discerning plate.

Almost immediately the popadoms arrived with great fresh pickles, a lemon one that had the sweetness of lemon curd followed through with chilli heat and an excellent Bombay duck pickle, amongst others.

When the food proper started to arrive we fell upon it greedily, but immediately slowed our pace when we realised this was food of a very high standard. We carefully made our way through some truly delicious dishes, small meat dumplings, more like dim sum than anything I had tried before and which came with an intense sauce. Minced mutton kebabs were soft and sweet and served with a beetroot raitha. Tandoori king prawns were taut and succulent, the spice perfect, the accompanying fruit salad so much better than minted yogurt. Pooris were the size of over inflated whoopee cushions and light as a feather and a potato curry had us cooing with delight at how brilliantly subtle the use of Indian spices can be. the pea patties were sweet and delicate, the tamarind sauce with them vibrant and sharp.

We slowed to almost a halt, not wishing for any of it to end. And with it we drank India Pale Ale from the Greenwich Meantime Brewery, rich,

creamy and packing a hefty 7.5 per cent punch. A bottle shared was enough and after we both moved to more respectably alcoholic brews from the same source.

Our main course arrived after a dignified gap. We shared two main dishes and a few smaller ones. In front of me a stunning plate of oxtail madras. Hardly a conventional dish but one that showed the chef/owner’s passion for developing new ideas. It was perfection, soft meat falling from the bones and a sauce that was as dark and mysterious as the sub-continent itself. Here was real skill, the real flavours of chilli, but without the harsh horror of the burn.

Our second dish was equally enthralling, but in a completely different way. Crab claws with coconut and spice. Huge crab claws too, dressed with a grated coconut and herby spice mix. It was a wonderfully light, contrasting plate of food, but the spicing was equally complex and again utterly successful.

Side dishes of crushed aubergine met the same standard and a naan bread had exactly the right amount of soft dough and singed buttery crust. The Parathas were as light as a feather. Tarka dhal, a real test in our book, was perfection – as was the raitha.

Too full for desserts we managed to share a plate of chilled sweet watermelon and pomegranate water ice; a coffee; a chai and a pot of rose tea, all delicious and accompanied by carrot and coconut halva.

Service is modern and smart, not posh, just very charming and efficient. In fact the whole experience far exceeded my expectations and may well have finally killed my taste for flock wallpaper and pierced plywood.To be honest I can’t wait to go back and try the rest of the menu, if only to allow myself the chance to go back for the oxtail and crab once more.

Chilli Pickle, 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, BN1 1HB. 01273 323824

46-48 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NA Tel: 01273 323600

Welcome to Buddies, the south coast's only 24 hour restaurant!

Situated opposite Brighton promenade, Buddies boasts a panoramic view of beach life and is near to all major venues, hotels, clubs and of course the historic Lanes area.

Renowned for good food, friendly service and a varied menu - Buddies is waiting for you any time day or night. From the 'All Day Breakfast' to a large selection of pasta dishes, delicious pizzas, mouth watering steaks to the sea food platter, three course set menu £8.95 - Buddies has it all!

Students can get 20% discount on their full bill (must show student ID) 20 latest 7

If you would like to comment on this story please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

021_022_LS389_hotlist

9/3/08

4:33 PM

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LATESTHOTLIST

See more at thelatest.co.uk

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials.

They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace.

The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

The Gallery Restaurant Why not appreciate for yourself the brand new restaurant in the heart of Brighton’s lanes specialising in modern British food all within in a relaxed fine dining environment.

All the food is sourced locally, (where possible) homemade and designed for the seasons by our a la carte head chef who has lead at the Dorchester in London, amongst other leading London restaurants.

The restaurant boasts a friendly yet casual environment that offers that little bit more all at very reasonable prices.

28 East Street, Brighton. 01273 773327 www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with

great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive.

Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

Santiago Restaurant Nestled between the two piers, Santiago Restaurant offers quality food and friendly service in this fantastic location on Brighton beach. Occupying former fisherman’s arches and boasting three of the historic, original arched windows, the first floor indoor restaurant gives a cosy and intimate dining experience. Now serving an exciting new menu of modern European dishes with a Hispanic influence and delicious homemade desserts. On sunny days, enjoy watching the world go by while dining on their sun terrace overlooking the beach, or in the evening come and relax in the indoor restaurant where every table has a sea view.

143-144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton Beach 01273 710031 www.santiagorestaurant.biz

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Not as expensive as you might think! A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Relaxed alfresco dining is available in the garden; a sunny afternoon could not be better spent.

Enjoy the ‘Early Frog’ from 6-7pm; a threecourse meal at £13.95 is really the best value for your money! The true character of this delightful restaurant comes hopping to life in the evenings, and the mouthwatering menu is a comprehensive choice of the finest French cuisine. Children and families always welcome.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart.

Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian.

For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic à la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together with daily specials like coq au vin and côte de bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce includes freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive Anglo-French farmhouse cheeseboard. There is also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as tarte aux pommes and crème brulée. Enjoy the south-facing sun terrace with the brasserie lunch menu, Tuesday-Sunday 12-6pm, including croque madame, tarte a l’ognion, moules marinières and more. And with a delicious French Sunday roast, this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings.

It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hardpressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

THAI Chokdee A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options. There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis.

Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370 www.chokdeethai.co.uk

Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us. Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list.

Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand.

Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

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LATESTHOTLIST

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Home café

China Inn is probably the first specialist MSG-free Chinese restaurant in the city.

In order to ensure this all food is freshly prepared on-site with no prepackaged food bought in typically used in other establishments.There is much more to MSG-free cooking than just leaving out the ingredient!

Separate Lunch, Evening and Takeaway menus.

Special opening offer (Monday – Thursday only) Free bottle of house wine OR 2 bottle-beers for every eat-in set menu for 2 ordered. (please mention this advert)

Sawadee The Thai restaurant that people love for parties and celebrations because they always give the best of times. And why not, as this well-priced restaurant pleases repeatedly with dishes we have all grown to love, and new ones too. We were impressed by the use of authentic ingredients, such as pea aubergines where others use peas. Lots of fish dishes too with bass and pomfret and a great sliced beef salad.

87 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 624233, www.sawadeethai.co.uk

COFFEE SHOPS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries.

A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’.

Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views.

Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax. Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri 8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and

free WIFI. Now open late Thur/Fri/Sat offering free aperitivos with any bottle of wine and 2-4-1 cocktails from 5–7pm.

Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stones’ throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

BRUNCH Home café Home by the arch at Queens Park, serves long, lazy brunches, delicious lunches and homemade cakes and treats. From pancake stacks dripping in maple syrup to eggs Benedict and locally roasted espresso coffee. If you've missed lunch or are in need of a late breakfast, we always have something to tempt you at Home. It's all in our name. At Home you will receive a warm welcome and quality homemade food sourced locally. We have a fully licensed bar, and make a killer bloody Mary, the perfect accompaniment to any brunch. Private parties catered for daytime and evening.

Open seven days a week 10am– 5pm 32 Egremont Place, Brighton, BN2 OGA, 01273 674456 www.homebrighton.co.uk

BARS Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out.

To book your private party, reserve your guestlist or to run through some ideas please contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

Call Marie on 01273 818150 to advertise 22 latest 7

Please ring 01273 227701 for table reservations, takeaway or deliveries 7 days a week.

China Inn, 68 Portland Road, Hove

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

9 – 15 September

Under review

The Gutter Twins

Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Gogol Bordello Closing the festival and with a great deal of anticipation matched only by that of De La Soul, New York City’s finest band of émigrés took the baton for the final leg and sprinted to the finishing line in a breathtaking display of showmanship, musicianship and craftsmanship.

The ever so slightly hulking front man Eugene Hutz is a man possessed on stage, leading the charge through a barrage of brilliantly conceived Balkan-gypsyfolk-punk tales and musical interludes that segue into one another. There is a barely a pause as the band show up the limitations of the sometimes annoying song/applause/break/ song/applause/break format of most acts.

This was indeed a show first and foremost. And what a great way to end the inaugural festival.

Beachdown Festival, 25 August ✌✌✌✌✌ Jeff Hemmings

Rabbit In The Headlights Compered by Steve Saul, August’s Rabbit in the Headlights was an entertaining, if patchy, evening. Our engaging host kept us entertained with games and prizes as well as a flood of good-

natured humour, particularly an astonishing impression of Big Brother’s Darnell.

The acts, while of varying quality, never failed to make the audience smile. Most impressive were a young comic who made his nerves part of his act, ending on a hilarious poem about performance poetry, and Rich Perry, whose world-weary but rather intense style had us all in stitches.

All in all a solid night’s entertainment, with the added bonus of free chocolate!

Upstairs at Three and Ten, 29 August ✌✌✌ Pete Strong

The Gutter Twins The unholy union between Mark Lanegan and Greg Dulli, former front men of 90s rockers Screaming Trees and The Afghan Whigs respectively, was never going to be upbeat. Both bands dwelt in rock’s shadows; both singers have battled their fair share of addictions.

Tonight, it shows. Moody grunge and blues-influenced atmospherics are initially only mildly unsettling until the sheer majesty of ‘Idle Hands’ tears the audience from its trance-like state.

Unfortunately, it’s only rare moments like that and Lanegan’s

solo classic ‘Methamphetamine Blues’ that raise pulses, despite Dulli’s best efforts to lend a soulful edge to Lanegan’s monotone, almost monotonous growl.

Komedia, 26 August ✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Mean Poppa Lean Wearing ill-matching, cross-dressing, era-hopping gear is de rigueur in the wonderful world of funk.

MPL, er, wear their influences loud and proud in the form of James Brown, the coolest funkmother the planet Groove has ever known. Furthermore, Brown's visionary and often minimalist funk is the base for MPL’s Parliament/Funkadelic meets Red Hot Chilli Pepper rabble-rousing and completely hedonistic party vibe.

Their fans are close to rabid. All together now: ‘We eat funk for breakfast/we eat funk for tea’.

Beachdown Festival, 25 August ✌✌✌✌

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Beachdown Festival Brighton’s first camping festival arrives – and it’s a success. With variety the key, obvious highlights include oldschool ravers Utah Saints, Saturday’s indie McFlurry of Brakes, Young Knives and Lightspeed Champion and hip-hop veterans De La Soul.

A less obvious highlight is Boogaloo Stu and Fake Bush’s brilliant, madly enjoyable cabaret tent, featuring eccentric folksters The Bobby McGee’s and Basildon bard of electro-filth, K*nt and the Gang. It’s all marred slightly by vast, hilly distances between stages, an uneven spread of big names (leaving Sunday desolate) and foul (even by festival standards) toilets.

Still, the foundations are laid for a great addition to the festival calendar.

Full review at thelatest.co.uk/7 Friday 22–Monday 25 August, Devil’s Dyke ✌✌✌

Lightspeed Champion

Nick Aldwinckle

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

Jeff Hemmings

Tindersticks p29

24 Comedy Victoria talks to Tim Vine

24 Art Tony Murray’s Mad Day Out at Naked Eye Gallery

25 Stage Gotta Sing Gotta Dance hits Eastbourne

26 Film Review of Guy Ritchie’s RocknRolla, plus listings

28 Events The Out of the Ordinary Festival and a sponsored yummy mummy walk

28 Books US poet Jane Hirshfield

29 Music An interview with cinematic miserablists Tindersticks

33 Music & Clubs Dates for the diary

34 Gay Will faces up to changing masculinity.

Plus news and listings

36 Television Dani tells Trinny and Susannah to leave our boobs alone, plus what’s on the box this week

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STAND-UP COMEDY

ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle talks to the king of pun mister Tim Vine before his show at the Theatre Royal Brighton Tim Vine – stand-up comedian, writer, actor, TV presenter, gameshow host, Comic Relief Fame Academy contestant and former world record holder for most jokes in an hour is coming to Brighton. He’s a busy man, and he’s just done a three-week run up at the Edinburgh Festival. I asked him how he found Edinburgh. “Well, I’ve got SatNav,” he replies, giving me a taster of his famed punning. He is renowned for his puns, but he’s certainly no one-trick pony in his stand-up.

All together now

“If you get up and do five minutes on stage you will learn a million times more” “The whole pun thing I slightly play up to just because people think that’s my thing, but it’s not really all puns. I’ve got some silly songs and and some other bits and pieces. I like short jokes and I like being silly, but they’re not all wordplay.” He pauses for consideration. “I suppose there’s quite a bit of wordplay,” he concedes.

I ask if English was his favourite subject at school? “Well, it probably was. Well it’s not up against a lot when you look at the other subjects we had in the eighties. I had a very nice English teacher called Mr Moss. When I was 12 I wrote these plays and put them on to the school. And I’d given myself the lead role. Ego out of control. Mr Moss would sometimes come into the English lesson and say; ‘right, today we’re just going to rehearse Tim’s play’, and he let me get on with it.

That was very encouraging. It was something he probably thought wasn’t any great deal, but it’s a very encouraging thing to do.”

But what of the next rising stars of comedians? What words of wisdom would he give them as encouragement? “I always feel reticent about giving advice to people. No advice is half as good as getting up there and trying. If you get up and do five minutes on stage you will learn a million times more than me sitting down and saying, ‘what you do is you must be confident...’ or whatever.” He stops. “I heard a great quote from Dave Gorman. He said: ‘Stand-up comedy is a bit like learning a musical instrument except you do all of your practice in front of people.‘“ With over a decade of practice, Tim’s a bit of a maestro.

Tim Vine’s Punslinger show is on at The Theatre Royal, Brighton Sunday 14 September, tickets are £16, show starts at 7.45pm.

☺

Tony Murray: Mad Day Out, Naked Eye Gallery, until 30 September

Thursday 11 Old Rope A new material night for the best circuit comics, hosted by if-comeddie winner Phil Nichol and Tiffany Stevenson.

Komedia, 8pm, £8.50/6.50.

Robin Ince: Propaganda and Tittletattle TV and radio star Robin Ince continues his monthly residency, trying out new material and ideas. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5 Top Banana Comedy New and local comics come to Hove in this intimate setting and warm environment. The comic’s favourite. Cella Bar @ The Sanctuary Cafe, 8pm, £4/3

➧ For full listings go to thelatest.co.uk

Brighton Coalition Comedy Hosted By Stephen Grant comes midweek comedy from Dave Williams, Colin Owens and headliner Junior Simpson. The Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £8/4

Friday 12 & Saturday 13 The Treason Show Up-to-the-minute gags, savage political comment and a sprinkling of silly songs make up this monthly satirical sketch show. Komedia, 8pm, £13.50/11.50

ART LISTINGS Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

Ink_d Gallery

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Chinese Whispers: Chinoiserie in Britain 1650–1930 With loans from HM The Queen, national museums and private collections, ‘Chinese Whispers’ tells three centuries of stories through rare and iconic objects.

Until 2 Nov

96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299 Stencil History X American and French stencil artists get together including C215, Sadhu, Adam5100, Kolezar and Broken Crow.

Until 28 September, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Boxbird

Stand-up wisdom: “Break into a feng shui consultant’s and maliciously re-arrange their furniture.” Mark Allen

COMEDYLISTINGS

24 latest 7

Sixties society photographer Tom Murray had the unexpected honour of photographing The Beatles while they were in the middle of making The White Album. Invited to join Don McCullin, best known for his war photography, he was to assist in the photo shoot. From two rolls of film there are 23 surviving shots – the shoot was so last minute and hectic that this collection of images has become to be known as the Mad Day Out. For three decades these shots were unseen, but now all 23 images are being made available, and released over three volumes, as signed limited editions of 195 each.

14 St Johns Road, Hove, 01273 734295 New gallery space in Hove that specialises in limited edition and original art works from illustrators, painters and printmakers.

Boxbird is open sporadically throughout the year so If you wish to arrange a private viewing please contact the gallery direct on 01273 734 295 or email hello@boxbird.co.uk.

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 Nathan Coley Solo show from this Turner Prize shortlisted artist, exploring our relationship to political borders and limitations, religious frontiers and ideals, and investigating how these ideas change over time.

Until 21 September, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

Duke of Yorks Preston Circus, Brighton Sarah Pain An exhibition of paper collage.

Until 30 September, Mon–Sun, 11am–late

Pelham House St Andrews Lane, Lewes Maria Kuipers Conjuring feelings of mystery and transition, Kuipers uses metaphors and symbols throughout her paintings.

Until 15 October

Naked Eye 32 Western Road, Hove, 01273 204800 Tony Murray: Mad Day Out Tom Murray photographs of The Beatles. Featuring a talk about The Beatles by Tom Murray, personal dedication signing, and a special prize draw..

Until 30 September, 10am–6pm (except closed Tuesday, 12–4pm Sundays)

HQ Gallery 15 St John Street, Brighton, 01273 487849 Tom Benjamin: The Service of Clouds Modern landscape art.

13 September–5 October, Tues–Sat 10am-5pm, Sundays 1–5pm

Brighton Media Centre Middle Street, Brighton Wish You Were Here A compilation of artforms designed to help you forget about time. Curated by Laura Krikke.

Until 1 October, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

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STAGE

Adventure for girls Step back to a bygone time for some nostalgic old-school entertainment

Magical music night All singing, all dancing entertainment Following the hugely successful spring 2008 tour, Gotta Sing Gotta Dance is once again hitting the road, taking a stellar cast of West End performers to the regions. This brand new show heralds a new breed of musical theatre compilation with over two hours of thrilling song and dance numbers from stage and screen.

The autumn ‘08 cast includes West End sensation Robyn North who can be seen playing Christine in Phantom when not performing in Gotta Sing Gotta Dance. Robyn is joined by Barnaby Thompson who has recently been seen in Chicago and Mary Poppins, Pharic Scott who played Rusty in Starlight Express and Sophie Byrne, who has just finished a run in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The producers are also pleased to welcome back Alison Dormer, who has starred in We Will Rock You and following the tour will be joining the company of Oliver! which opens in December.

Accompanied by a live band, this cast of top West End performers take you on an exhilarating ride through the world of musical theatre in this

fully choreographed show, featuring over 60 songs from some of the greatest musicals ever written including Joseph, Cats, Les Miserables, Wicked, Hairspray, Crazy for You, Singin’ in the Rain, Me & My Girl and many many more.

From Gershwin to Grease and Lloyd Webber to Wicked via Les Mis, Lerner and Loewe, Gotta Sing Gotta Dance has it all and the highest of production standards makes this show the highlight of the season!

So if it’s the tap-dancing feet of 42nd Street, the ‘criminally’ catchy songs in Chicago or the singing trains in Starlight Express that gets you excited, by the end of Gotta Sing Gotta Dance you will leave feeling like you’ve seen all your favourite moments – and much more!

Be one of the first to see the musical sensation that is Gotta Sing Gotta Dance and book tickets for your magical night at the musicals.

Gotta Sing Gotta Dance, Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne Tuesday 23, Thursday 25 and Saturday 27 September 01323 412000 or online www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

6–11 Oct, please call for times, £25/13

Gotta Sing Gotta Dance • 23–25 & 27 Sept, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinee Wed and Sat, £13.50–£18 The Glass Menagerie • 29 Sept–4 Oct, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinee Wed and Sat, £10–£21 One For The Pot • 7–11 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £13.50–£19.50

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE

THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Opera Babes Dazzling costumes and enchanting music, plus a special guest.

• 12 Sept, 7.30pm, £19.50/17.50 Russian Classical Ballet • 30 Sept, 7.30pm, £20–£25 The Syd Lawrence Orchestra – Simply Big Band • 1 Oct, 7.30pm, £16.50/15.50 Eastbourne Symphony Orchestra’s Music from the Movies Concert + Tchaikovsky Piano Concert • 5 Oct, 7.30pm, £12/10

01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Pinocchio Open air performance in Goff’s Park • Book through the Hawth. 11 Sept, please call for show times and prices

STAGELISTINGS Tuesday 9 Sept to Monday 6 October BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late • 19–20 Sept, 4.30pm Fri, 11am, 1pm and 3pm Sat, £5 Circus Oz – 30th Birthday Bash • 24–26 Sept, 7.30pm, £12–£24 Angika Dance Company • 26 Sept, 8pm, £10/£8. Corn Exchange Two Lovers Together Clinging • 26 Sept, 7.30pm, £3 Bye George!

• 3–4 Oct, 7pm, £7/£5 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra • 5 Oct, 2.45pm, £8–£30, Concert Hall

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Calendar Girls An uplifting story with a very English heart.

• 9–13, 15–20, 22–27 Sept, £11–£33, 7.30pm, (7pm 16 Sept) plus 2pm mat 13, 18, 20, 25, 27 Sept.

Aristo • 11–13, 15–20, 22–27, 29 Sept–4 Oct, 4,

It’s spiffing fun at the Devonshire Park this summer as the acclaimed new production of Daisy Pulls It Off, heads to Eastbourne, starring Kim Hartman, who is fondly remembered for her portrayal of the German officer Helga in ‘Allo ‘Allo.

Kim also starred in the 2002 Eastbourne Theatre in-house produced show Stepping Out. The extensive cast of 13 also includes: Julia Mallam, known to many as Emmerdale’s Dawn Hope, Carly Hillman who was the irrepressible Nicki di Marco in EastEnders and Ben Roberts from ITV’s The Bill.

Daisy Pulls it Off is an affectionate, keenly observed parody of life in an English boarding school for girls in a bygone era. A smash hit in the West End, this yarn has been described as perfectly ripping, absolutely spiffing, not to mention scrummy, entertainment.

The plucky heroine Daisy Meredith, an elementary school girl, is forced to face and overcome snobbish prejudice from both staff and pupils after gaining a scholarship to the exclusive Grangewood Boarding School for girls. With her chum, Trixie Martin the madcap poet, she forms a secret society to uncover the missing treasure that could save the school from financial ruin, finds the time for a cliff top rescue and a jolly good game of hockey to boot!

This enchanting nostalgic production is brimful of old-fashioned values and a jolly good adventure story, it’s an ideal treat the whole family can enjoy.

Daisy Pulls it Off Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne Monday 25 until Saturday 30 August; with nightly performances at 7.45pm and Wednesday and Saturday matinees at 2.30pm. Tickets priced from £13.50–£19.50 available from the box office on 01323 412000 or online www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk, concessions available for evening tickets

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Anything Goes • 16–20 Sept, 7.30pm, plus Thu and Sat mat, £8.50–£11.50

If you would like to comment on these stories please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Sat, £17–£27 My Brilliant Divorce • 28 Sept, 7.30pm, £16–£18 All the Fun of the Fair • 6–11 Oct, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat. £17.50–£29.50

WORTHING: ASSEMBLY HALL 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Worthing Symphony Orchestra Featuring Rustem Hayroudinoff and Tim Hawes.

• 14 Sept, 2.45pm, £15–£23 Last Night of the Proms • 27 Sept, 7.30pm, £8–£15 The Mighty Wurlitzer Theatre Organ • 28 Sept, 7.30pm, £8–£12

THE MARLBOROUGH THEATRE 07782 278 521 www.marlboroughtheatre.co.uk The Miss Hope Springs Show • 14, 21 & 28 Sept, 9pm, £3

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Murder With Love Gripping thriller.

• 15–20 Sept, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22

THEATRE ROYAL 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroya Noises Off Michael Frayn’s comedy • 9–13 Sept, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinee Thu and Sat, £16–£25 Le Grand Cirque • 16–20 September, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinee Thu and Sat, £14–£24 Enjoy • 22–27 Sept, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu and

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Roll Out The Barrel • 11 Sept, 2.30pm, £10 That’ll Be The Day • 14 Sept, 7.45pm, £18–£20 Puppetry of the Penis • 17 Sept, 8pm, £12.50–£15.50 The Mikado • 24–27 Sept, 7.30pm,2.30pm Wed/Sat, £12/10

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FILM 1himself. Following the recent death of his own daughter www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 9

Thursday 11

THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 2.00, 8.45 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) 1.45, 4.15, 7.10 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.30, 3.00, 5.40, 8.15 GET SMART (12A) 12.40 HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (12A) 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 IN SEARCH OF A MIDNIGHT KISS (15) 9.15 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 12.45, 3.20, 5.45, 8.15 ROCKNROLLA (15) 12.50, 3.40, 6.20, 9.00 STEP BROTHERS (15) 1.25, 3.45, 6.10, 8.30 THE STRANGERS (15) 2.30, 4.30, 6.45, 9.00

THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 2.00, 5.30, 8.45 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) 1.45, 4.15, 7.10 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.30, 3.00, 5.40, 8.15 FLASHBACKS OF A FOOL (15) 10.30 GET SMART (12A) 12.40 HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (12A) 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 12.45, 3.20, 5.45 MAMMA MIA! SINGALONG (PG) 8.15 MAN ON WIRE(12A) 9.15 ROCKNROLLA (15) 12.50, 3.40, 6.20, 9.00 STEP BROTHERS (15) 1.25, 3.45, 6.10, 8.30 THE STRANGERS (15) 2.30, 4.30, 6.45, 9.00

Wednesday 10 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) 1.45, 4.15, 7.10 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.30, 3.00, 5.40, 8.15 GET SMART (12A) 12.40 HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (12A) 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 MAMMA MIA! (PG) 12.45, 3.20, 5.45, 8.15 MAN ON WIRE(12A) 9.15 PINEAPPLE EXPRESS(15) 1.25, 3.45, 6.10, 8.30 ROCKNROLLA (15) 12.50, 3.40, 6.20, 9.00 STEP BROTHERS (15) 1.25, 3.45, 6.10, 8.30 THE STRANGERS (15) 2.30, 4.30, 6.45, 9.00

New releases reviewed

THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) DISASTER MOVIE (12A) THE DUCHESS (12A) FORMULA ONE: ITALIAN GRAND PRIX (U) HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (12A) MAMMA MIA! (PG) PINEAPPLE EXPRESS(15) ROCKNROLLA (15) STEP BROTHERS (15) THE STRANGERS (15)

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 9

Friday 12

EL BANO DEL PAPA (15) 6.00 ELITE SQUAD (18) 1.30 SOMERS TOWN (12A) 4.00, 8.30

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 2.00, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30 THE BREAKFAST CLUB (15) 11.00pm

Wednesday 10

Saturday 13

EL BANO DEL PAPA (15) 6.00 ELITE SQUAD (18) 1.30 SOMERS TOWN (12A) 11.00, 4.00, 8.30

NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS(PG) 11.00 PRETTY IN PINK (15) 11.00pm THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 2.00, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

Dir: Guy Ritchie Guy Ritchie, better known nowadays as Mr Madonna, has suffered with his recent choice of films. Finally with this high-octane comic bruiser Swept Away and Revolver are banished to the doldrums as he reminds us why we loved his cockney agit-grumbles in the first place. Set in London, the

Pineapple Express

THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 2.00, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

Monday 15 THE BOY IN THE STRIPED PYJAMAS (12A) 2.00, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

0871 200 2000 Thursday 11 BABYLON A.D (12A) 11.20, 1.35, 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 2.30, 8.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.10, 2.50, 5.30, 8.20 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) 12.20, 2.40, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 GET SMART (12A) 12.00, 6.10 HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY(12A) 11.50, 3.00, 6.00, 9.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 ROCKNROLLA (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20 STEP BROTHERS (15) 11.10, 1.45, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10

Wednesday 10 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 2.30, 8.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.10, 2.50, 5.30, 8.20 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) 12.20, 2.40, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 GET SMART (12A) 12.00, 6.10 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 MAN ON WIRE(12A) 11.50, 2.20, 4.45, 6.50, 9.00 PINEAPPLE EXPRESS(15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 ROCKNROLLA (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20 STEP BROTHERS (15) 11.10, 1.45, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10

Films showing Friday 12–Monday 15 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) THE DUCHESS (12A) EDEN LAKE(18) HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (12A) MAMMA MIA!(PG) PINEAPPLE EXPRESS(15) ROCKNROLLA (15) STEP BROTHERS (15) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Disaster Movie (12A)

Dir: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer Those cheeky idiots Friedberg and Seltzer continue to carve out their own less than enviable niche as the freaks that brought us Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie offer the same old furrowed crap. The story – if you can call it that – lampoons a series of epic scenes culled from various blockbusters. The problem remains that these films purport to satirise the shallow commercialism of mainstream Hollywood while ploughing an even more contrived path themselves. If you watch this you’re a fool.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

The Duchess (12A)

WORTHING CINEMA 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Tues 9-Mon 15 September

Sat 13 September

THE DUCHESS (12A) 2.00 (Sat-Mon),5.00 (not Mon), 8.00

NIM’S ISLAND (U) 10.15

Tues 9-Sun 14 September

GONE WITH THE WIND (PG) 2.00

MAMMA MIA! (PG) 7.30

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Mon 15 September CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

who was reviled for her extravagant personal life. Ralph Fiennes plays her put upon husband while Mamma Mia! hunk Dominic Cooper plays her lover.

The costume and set design are superb but the film as a whole feels laboured and sickly.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon,Worthing

www.cineworld.co.uk

BABYLON A.D (12A) 11.20, 1.35, 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 2.30, 8.40 THE DUCHESS (12A) 12.10, 2.50, 5.30, 8.20 DISASTER MOVIE (12A) 12.20, 2.40, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 GET SMART (12A) 12.00 HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY (12A) 3.00, 6.00, 9.00 INDIANA JONES & THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (12A) 11.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 ROCKNROLLA (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20 STEP BROTHERS (15) 11.10, 1.45, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10

film picks up as a real-estate scam puts millions of pounds up for grabs. Cue many a violent but ultimately funny caper as Gerard Butler, Tom Wilkinson, Nonso Anozie, and an excellent Toby Kebbell duke it out for bragging rights. Fun but wicked with it too.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Craig Driver

Pineapple Express (15)

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Tuesday 9

7 Selects

RocknRolla (15)

Sunday 14

EL BANO DEL PAPA (15) 6.00 ELITE SQUAD (18) 1.30 SOMERS TOWN (12A) 4.00, 8.30

Films showing Friday 12-Monday 15

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILMS/TIMES

Thursday 11

L7

lowdown

Dir: Saul Dibb After directing the gritty urban thriller Bullet Boy in 2004, Dibb returns with a total reversal of style and poise. In a loose but lavish adaptation of Amanda Foreman’s book Keira Knightley plays eighteenth century aristocrat Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire,

Director: David Gordon Green The team that brought us maternal stoner comedy Knocked Up return minus the maternity but stacked to the rafters with weed. Seth Rogen stars as perennial pothead Dale who goes on the run with his dealer Saul, played with a joyful irreverence by Spiderman regular James Franco, after witnessing a murder. While a comedy focused primarily on getting high might seem dated the laughs still come quick and fast. Not as bad as Superbad this is a gleeful distraction from the usual comedic dross.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (12A)

Dir: Mark Herman Based on John Boyne’s novel this wartime effort is an original but occasionally sentimental effort. Set during World War II, this is a film shown through the eyes of Bruno, an eight-year-old son of the commandant at a concentration camp, whose friendship with a Jewish boy reveals a startling but desperate message. Asa Butterfield is superb as young Bruno and the film as a whole is a deft British dissection of the more tender issues of war.

Showing at Duke of York’s Craig Driver

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FILM Since I made My Winnipeg, I’ll be finished with Winnipeg. It’ll certainly be finished with me. I say it’s a docufantasia because the city is so trippy and dreamy and sleepy and trancey that any documentary on it would have to be a fantasia, if it were being honest.

How did you move from the art that comes to you, through TV and radio, to refining your craft as a director in such an idiosyncratic manner?

A person gets obsessed with things. So I finally sucked every last drop of juice out of these audio sculptures I was listening to on the radio, and baseball.

I was 24-years-old when my first marriage broke up, and I no longer had to work at this lousy bank job. And I’d had an undergraduate degree in math and economics, very lefthemisphere. And suddenly I fell in with a bunch of people who were just watching movies at the university, and I just started my slacker life as a right-hemisphered person, where all of a sudden I was completely thrilled by the existence of this world in which there were no answers, in which it was the questions that were more interesting.

Coming home Cult director Guy Maddin talks to Latest 7 about his new film My Winnipeg What happened growing up in Winnipeg that was the source of all these strange things coming out in your films years later?

My childhood was just strange, I think. I think it was just strange. And it was always framed up as fairytale or expressionistic something for me. For instance, when I was young, I had a brother, who took his own life. I was six. It didn’t really hit me hard in any way. I mean, I loved him and everything, I guess, but I was too young to understand it. But it was explained to me that, since he’d taken his life on the grave of his ex-girlfriend, that he’d gone to heaven to be married to this girl and that he was where he wanted to be.

What were your early experiences with film or the idea of expressing yourself as an artist?

I didn’t really become a filmmaker until I was 30. I was 29 and ten months old when I finished my first little short. I’m a late starter to all that stuff.

I watched a lot of movies when I was really little, but then became a football fan until my mid-20s, and then started looking at stuff. I think it really helped that I came late to film – by late, I mean, 26 or something, which is when I started watching movies. And that’s when I started reading, as well. I brought a kind of desperate realisation that I was way behind everybody in books and film – and maybe some species of maturity.

So are you just comfortable living and working in Winnipeg?

Is it my Baltimore, like for John Waters? Yeah, but every time you make a film, you tend to use up your subject matter. It goes from something being highly personal and beloved into so much footage that needs to get edited, and you end up getting sick of what you’ve shot. And by the time you’re finished it, you’re done with it. So I’ve just done my childhood, and I’ve found that it actually changes the way I dream now.

Also showing…

A quick look at what’s on this week The Dark Knight (12A) Dir: Christopher Nolan The only real contender for Indy’s crown of most anticipated blockbuster this year is, of course, the return of Mr Bruce Wayne, A.K.A Batman. Christopher Nolan returns to helm the sequel to his stunning super-hero reboot Batman Begins with Heath Ledger creeping out Christian Bale, in the role he’ll be remembered for as none other than Batman’s arch-nemesis The Joker. A stellar cast bolsters proceedings with Michael Caine as butler Alfred, Aaron Eckhart as conflicted D.A Harvey Dent, Gary Oldman as Chief Gordon and Maggie Gyllenhaal as love interest Rachel Dawes. Ledger’s tipped for an Oscar for his haunting turn in the role rumoured to have pushed him over the edge before his tragic demise, so expect queues around the block for this classy comic-book adaptation.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Hellboy II: The Golden Army (12A) Dir: Guillermo Del Toro Mike Mignola’s cult comic book anti-hero makes a welcome return to the big screen.

Looking to continue the trend of big-budget super-folk blockbusters getting better by the second film, The Golden Army pits Big Red (Ron Perlman), Liz (Selma Blair) and Abe Sapien (Pan’s Labyrinth’s Doug Jones) against a whole horde of mythical beasties. With the huge success of Mexican director Del Toro’s fantasy horror Pan’s Labyrinth, he’s been given free reign for his impressively out-there imagination to run wild. Del Toro’s set to direct the eagerly anticipated film versions of The Hobbit, so catch an early glimpse here of his take on mythology.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

What was most important for you to communicate about Winnipeg – what was essential that you get into the film?

Winnipeg didn’t seem to exist in any real way outside of Winnipeg until it got – let’s face it, real mythologisation. So I had to present a movie. I just had to make the movie. That was the important part. And to get some things in it that really mattered to me: Fred Dunsmore, this hockey player I adore; the Winnipeg Arena.

Just things that matter to me: my childhood home; my dog, my living dog, who just died yesterday – I’m really bummed out about it.

Is the notion of you saying goodbye to Winnipeg earnest?

Sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes I really wonder how I allowed all those extra decades to go by without moving. I feel like a genuine Rip Van Winkle. Y’know, hey, I’m not, and I really think I’m about 32-years-old. I keep forgetting, like I feel like I slept through the last 20 years while I was busy making all these movies.

So where is your place of residence?

I have an apartment in Toronto and one in Winnipeg now. Paying rent in two cities, like any smart investor.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (12A) Dir: Steven Spielberg Another chance to see Indy’s fourth outing in case you missed it first time round.The team responsible for the original trilogy are back on board, including Steven Spielberg directing, George Lucas producing, Harrison Ford starring and even Karen Allen returning as Indy’s love interest, Marion Ravenwood. There’s a strong supernatural element and this time round the Soviets are the baddies, as opposed to the traditional Nazis. Joining the star-studded franchise for this adventure-packed jaunt are Transformers hot property Shia LaBoeuf as rebellious sidekick, Ray Winstone as rival adventurer, Cate Blanchett as the Russian villain and small roles for Brits; John Hurt and Jim Broadbent. Reviews have been mixed, so can pensioner Ford still cut it as The Man in the Hat? Showing at Cineworld Mamma Mia! (PG) Dir: Phyllida Lloyd A young woman searches for her real father

whilst singing along to ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Mamma Mia’ and other hits by Swedish super-troopers Abba. Meryl Streep plays the kookie mum with Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård and Pierce Brosnan as the potential dads.The long-running and ever-popular stage musical finally makes its way onto the screen in exuberant, style.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing Step Brothers (15) Dir: Adam McKay Time for another dose of low-brow character comedy from the sporadically great Will Ferrell, paired with perhaps his ideal comic foil, Walk Hard’s John C Reilly. The pair play spoilt forty-something men in a state of arrested development after years of mollycoddling from their single parents. When said parents marry each other, the stepbrothers battle for attention in what should be an enjoyable romp around familiar 40 Year Old Virgin territory.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Nick Aldwinckle

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS

Black light Veteran Nottingham miserablists Tindersticks return to Brighton this week after more than a decade.

Nick Aldwinckle spoke to founder member David Boulter

Out of the Ordinary Following last year’s successful first festival, Out of the Ordinary returns to Sussex for another three-day feast of entertainment, healing, education and celebration. Top acts playing include: Banco de Gaia, Katharine Blake, Cry Tuff and Brighton’s Drookit Dogs.

Speakers at the festival include the crop circle expert Andy Thomas, Philip Carr-Gomm (Chief of the Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids), wildlife expert Professor Gordon Hillman and astrologer Jonathan Cainer. This community and family-friendly event is a flagship for sustainable living, promoting local, green and ethical businesses, and is run entirely on sun and wind power, and plant oils.

Out of the Ordinary, Knockhatch Farm, nr.

Hailsham,12–14 September. www.outoftheordinary.com

Epic gig

Mojo Fins

The Brightonbased software testing centre Epic and local community radio station Radio Reverb have joined forces for a celebratory party at Digital. The Mojo Fins, Way tangent, imightdiscco and Cherry Filth and the Deathlegs play live with DJ support from Quantum, Back2Back, 70s Si and Ed Dickins. There will also be a silent art auction on the night. The event is being broadcast live on Radio Reverb.

Epic, Friday 12 September, Digital, 7.30pm–late

Since forming in Nottingham in 1992, Tindersticks have been labelled many things: miserable, soulful, britpop even. Combining elements of jazz, soul and rock with classical orchestration and frontman Stuart Staples’ rich baritone voice, it’s understandable critics have struggled to categorise the band’s sound. Their eponymous first two albums had a downbeat, piano-led texture whilst recent efforts featured eloquent, resplendent organ and brass. In 2003, after last album, Waiting For The Moon, Tindersticks needed a break. Five years on, new record The Hungry Saw is something of a departure. Latest 7 spoke to founder member and organ/accordion player, David Boulter.

The most obvious question is what prompted the return? Boulter sees it as natural, as the band had “never really decided not to get back together. Tindersticks was at the back of our minds as people did other projects. We felt we didn’t have anything to say. It felt stale. We did a gig a few years ago. At that point it was clear it was over between the six of us. New friends came along, we evolved and it felt fresh again.”

The band split in two, with multi-instrumentalist Dickon Hinchliffe, drummer Al Macaulay and bassist Mark Colwill replaced by Thomas Belhom on drums and Dan McKinna on bass joining Boulter, Staples and guitarist Neil Fraser.

The new members had a profound effect on Tindersticks’ sound. More up-tempo, with a slightly sunnier, sixties feel, Boulter notes this was deliberate. “The last six albums were really downbeat and we wanted to move away from that. Stuart still writes on acoustic guitar but the difference is that orchestra musicians we used in the past were used to having their parts dictated, while now, these people we know well have more freedom.”

This tension between the destructive tendencies of Tindersticks mark one and the new line-up’s energetic zeal can explain the title, The Hungry Saw: “It’s a mixture of the creative and the destructive. It’s about destroying things you love and things you’ve made. When you’re trying to achieve something and actually get it, you’re not satisfied. You want to change things. Every few years you take a step back. A lot of our songs are about fighting something within. The older you get; you may settle down, but you’re still fighting the demons trying to rise to the surface. There’s always something dark in the background.”

Boulter’s now based in Prague, a place which makes him feel ‘isolated’, but conversely he also loves. This same tension between light and dark, and a sense of searching, features prominently in the new record. “As you get older you tend to try and find something else, whether it’s religion or something within the earth itself, like nature or whatever. Things make more sense than when you’re eighteen. I’ve listened to spiritual music all my life and this just comes out in the records.”

Fittingly, then, Tindersticks’ long-awaited return to Brighton is in the atmospheric St George’s Church in Kemp Town. The new Tindersticks live show is scaled down, but Boulter maintains the mixture of classics and new material won’t be compromised. The band is writing new songs on the road, with the aim of building on this momentum to release another album next year.

It’s been a long time coming, but one thing’s certain: it’ll be more than worth the wait.

Tindersticks, St George’s Church, Saturday 13 September

UPCOMING GIGS

Silent Disco @ Concorde 2 A bit of a coup for the Concorde here, as they’ve nabbed Dirty Pretty Things, Mystery Jets and Supergrass for a live-band take on the Silent Disco format.

Monday to Thursday, 22–25 September, Concorde2

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Bad Manners 15 September, Concorde 2 Van Morrison 19 September, Dome British Sea Power 2 October, Corn Exchange Sam Sparro 3 October, Corn Exchange Art Garfunkel 6 October, Dome Seasick Steve 7 October, Dome Michael Bolton 6 October, Brighton Centre Stephen Stills 10 October, Brighton Centre Moody Blues 11 October, Brighton Centre Cajun Dance Party 13 October, Concorde 2 Does It Offend You 20 October, Concorde 2 Dr John 21 October, Dome The Hoosiers 25 October, Brighton Centre Level 42 30 October, Dome Hot Chip 5 November, Dome Motorhead 6 November, Dome Scouting For Girls 3 Nov, Brighton Centre

Tindersticks

Alphabeat 3 November, Concorde 2 Steeve Winwood 10 November, Dome Mercury Rev 11 Nov, Corn Exchange Feeder 11 November, Dome Katie Melua 11 November, Brighton Centre Cardiacs 17 November, Komedia Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds 23 November, Brighton Centre Nouvelle Vague 24 November, Corn Exchange Leonard Cohen 28 November,Brighton Centre Primal Scream 2 December, Dome Will Young 4 December, Dome Human League 5 December, Brighton Centre Neville Staple 6 December, Concorde 2 Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre Maddy Prior 15 December, Hove Centre

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MUSIC

CLUBS

MUSIC

Jaime ‘til dawn

Buster Bloodvessel from Bad Manners

Jaime Pettit and photographer Rob DeBanks celebrate the 15th birthday of Gorgeous at Digital Photos by: Rob Debanks@Gorgeous, Digital

The Blow Monkeys The veteran funky eighties jazz band are returning after an eighteen-year gap! Catch this rare performance while you can.

Tuesday 9 September, Komedia NA Rose Hill Drive Easily the best no-frills balls out rock’n’roll I’ve heard for some time. And even better, it ain’t got no cheese on it. Rock on!

Tuesday 9 September, Engine Rooms JH The Abyssinians + Dillinger This double bill of roots reggae greats should be a memorable evening. Harmony vocals trio The Abyssinians formed in 1968 and are most famous for their hits Satta Massagana and Declaration of Rights.

Wednesday 10 September, Komedia NA Breakthrough with Rough Trade: Viarosa + Naomi Bedford + Sweet Sweet Lies + Luke Hyttner Apparently, REM are big fans of these London purveyors of dark Americana. On the strength of moody new record Send For The Sea, they’re going to have a fair few new fans very soon.

Wednesday 10 September, Brighton CoalitionNA Kimya Dawson Didn’t she just play in Brighton? Anyway, why not see her again at this larger-scale show?

Moldy Peaches have had a bit of a revival of late, as has Dawson’s strong solo material.

Thursday 11 September, Concorde 2 NA Mark Kozelek + Sun Kil Moon Californian folk singer-songwriter Mark Kozelek’s Sun Kil Moon project has a quietly

bewitching sound not dissimilar to the likes of Iron and Wine mixed with the vintage acoustics of Nick Drake.

Wednesday 10 September, Audio NA The Dodos These atmospheric San Francisco pop-rockers have the knack for a good tune, so check ‘em out before they hit the big leagues.

Friday 12 September, Brighton Coalition NA Pelican + Torche There have been a few quality gigs at the Engine Rooms lately and this welcome return to Brighton for one of America’s best post-rock bands is quite a coup.

Friday 12 September, Engine Rooms NA Born Ruffians Quirky Toronto indie rockers responsible for the song ‘Hummingbirds’ currently doing the rounds on Orange adverts. You know: the one that goes oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! No? Saturday 13 September, The Hope NA Frank Sidebottom + Leonard and Bubba’s Delicious Goo-Goo Cluster The Timperley Titan and hero to many a kid growing up in the eighties and nineties, Frank Sidebottom’s massive papier mache head makes its way back to Brighton.

Saturday 13 September, Prince Albert NA Bad Manners + The Blocks + Meow Meows + Max Splodge!

Buster Bloodvessel and his ska veterans are on tour to mark Buster’s fiftieth birthday, so this should be one hell of a party once again.

Monday 15 September, Concorde 2 NA

THE CHILLI FESTIVAL 2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE

THE BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 698989 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people.

Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

30 latest 7

Sat 20th & Sun 21st September, 11am–5pm Old Steine, Brighton, inc Saturday evening National Chilli Awards

Spicy Foods from around the World Chilli Market Hot Live Bands Live Chilli Food Stage National Chilli Awards

(Sat eve only) tickets on sale on the day Adults £2.50 Children/Concessions £1

2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE

LATIN IN THE LANE 10–11 Kings Road, Brighton East Sussex BN1 1NE 01273 328672 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people.

Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

031_LS389 music_reviews jeff

9/4/08

4:34 PM

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MUSIC

MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases Teeside three-piece Dartz took a temporary sabbatical from music while trying to finish their studies at university, but the lure of making and playing is too strong.

Hence, new mini-album The Sad History of the Village of Albnerique, a collection of angular, almost discordant neopop numbers reminiscent of the post-punk era but also incessantly modern. Not so many A-grade winners as on their debut but this is a consistently driven and dynamic work.

Sometimes unfairly maligned, the hugely popular Travis are popular for good reason – they write great songs, full of strong melodies and often with a pleasing melancholic undertow (my aunt had ‘Flowers in the Window’ played at her funeral).

This time around the guitars are more urgent, and it’s plain that the band want to rock out more.

It’s not necessarily a good thing though, making them sound only like a decent pubrock band.

Canada’s Born Ruffians are a three-piece dedicated to making gorgeous indie, alternating between the melodic lo-fi and somewhat offbeat indie, and a more experimental version often featuring many harmonies and acapellas. Their The Little Garcon Ep is out at the end of the month.

Signed to Brighton’s Skint Records, Little Man Tate unleash their second album, the frenzied indie pop Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy.

Very catchy, almost 60s-esque in places.

There’s so much new music around at the moment with bands ladling on the psychedelia, it’s difficult to see how Elktooth, Colorado’s David Eugene Edwards, A.K.A Wovenhand, can stand out. On Ten Stones, recorded with various Danielson alumni, there’s a fair helping of anti-folk atmospherics amongst the balls-out rock haze. Though a highly accomplished release (and Edwards a talented performer) with some moments of otherworldly majesty, there’s little that’s original on offer here.

Inhabiting a slightly less intense musical realm are San Diego’s The Donkeys, on their debut album Living on the Other Side. Evoking all those great Californian sounds of old, Beach Boys-style deceptively chirpysounding melancholy combined with Eagles highway country guitar. Neil Young’s spirit meanders throughout, though weak vocals and a derivative sound let down this otherwise amiable release.

There’s a little space left for a quick single review, so along comes Sigur Ros’ latest effort, ‘Inni Mer Syngur Vitleysingur’, which translates as ‘Within Me a Lunatic Sings’. Like the Icelandic band’s slow-burn classicalinfluenced indie tunes, their career has quietly been building up to a big, glorious crescendo. Now a big name, this joyous track celebrates life with a pounding exuberance more energetic than Sigur Ros’ earlier sometimes pompous posturing.

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7 Or hear the full chart with Jeff and Nick on Radio Reverb, 97.2fm every Tuesday 4-6pm/12-2am Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 The Miserable Rich – Over and Over ★ 2 Shona Foster – Be Bold 3 Caramel Jack – Curtain 4 Sherlock Bones – The Ugly Bugs Balls 5 Hardkandy – The Squeeze 6 BangBangBang! – This Way / That Way 7 Chris T-T – A-Z 8 ThePrjctMyhm – FreeForAll 9 Portslade – Girls and Boys 10 Largo – Silversp**n It’s about time The Miserable Rich’s quality classical-infused Hot Chip cover hit the top, so listen to it now! Meanwhile, a great Beachdown performance has won Tori Amosesque singer songwriter Shona Foster some new fans, moving to number 2. Eccentrics Caramel Jack and dance acts Sherlock Bones and Hardkandy complete the top 5.

11 Transformer Cinema Car 12 The Woo!worths Konichiwa (dem oh) 13 tenek State of Mind 14 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 15 sMs I'm Sorry Dave 16 Jaybee Sweet Savage 17 sMs Airport Dreaming 18 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 19 Villareal We Must Stop Meeting Like This 20 Leo Altarelli See It Now 21 Cath O'Drae Mugged by the system 22 Dan Sumner Glitterball 23 Loc E Chemical Romance 24 Without Warrant Superego 25 Cath O'Drae Sofageddon

26 The Pulse Used in Part 27 Dannydangerously Haribo 28 Death Cabaret Forlorn Hope 29 DATES Thief 30 HEAVYMAN Tomb Kreator vs. Heavyman 31 Millsy Poop Song 32 This City Romantic 33 Eminemmylou, Legs MC & Co Missing (Where are you?)

34 Reckless Sons Animal 35 CAKEBOY Damage featuring Frances Law 36 My Device Uh! 37 Way Tangent Try 38 Tractor Countdown Control 39 Jay Pulman Last Orders 40 Digitalis No Control

latest 7 31

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32 latest 7

9/5/08

11:24 AM

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033_LS389_music_listings

9/4/08

2:38 PM

Page 1

MUSIC

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 9 – 15 Sep Tuesday 9 Live Music Backyard Babies + Crucified Barbara + Skintight Jaguars Swedish glam punk veterans. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £12 The Blow Monkeys Funky eighties jazz veterans return. Komedia, 8pm, £16 The Charge + A Risky Six + Chaser Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Open Mic The Brunswick, 8pm, free.

Open Mic West Hill (ex Belle Vue), 8pm, free.

Open Mic Duke of Norfolk, 9pm, free.

Pictish Trail + Rozi Plain + Tandy Hard Acoustic guitar/synthesiser. Three&Ten, 8pm, £5 Rose Hill Drive + Bula + Vivid Colour Colorado rock and blues.Engine Rooms, 8pm, £8 Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever.10pm–2am,free Digital Glitterati. Student nite.11pm–3am, £4/3 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and emo mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £2/1 Po Na Na Tap. Urban/hip hop.11pm–4am, £5/4 Tru Cherry Drop. Student night/club anthems, classic house, r‘n‘b. 10:30pm–2:30am, £2/1 Water Margin International Student Party.

Drinks promos all night. 10pm–5am, £5/3

Wednesday 10 Live Music The Abyssinians + Dillinger Jamaican roots reggae legends. Komedia, 8:30pm, £15 Andrea Kenny Acoustic. Juggler, 8pm, free.

Breakthrough with Rough Trade: Viarosa + Naomi Bedford + Sweet Sweet Lies + Luke Hyttner Americana much enjoyed by the likes of REM. Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, free.

Buskin' Band Night Thomas Kemp, 8pm, free.

Charlotte Glasson, Nick McGuigan and Sam Arts Be-bop blues and swing jazz trio.

London Unity, 8pm, free.

Club NME: Drookit Dogs + Babies DJs Folk punks. Brighton Coalition, 10:30pm, free.

Fresh Acoustic Black Lion, 8pm, free.

The Legendary Bee's Mouth Open Mic The Bee's Mouth, 8:30pm, free.

Live Music TBC Fiddler's Elbow, 8pm, £tbc.

Mark Kozelek/ Sun Kil Moon Affecting, downbeat Californian folk. Audio, 7pm, £12 Ok Acoustic Acoustic night. Western Front, 8pm, free.

Open Mac Night Open mic for electronic music. Sidewinder, 9pm, free.

Those Damn Owls + The Silence + Eleven 37s Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

World Music Wednesday: Tudo Bem Quartet Brazil bossa nova to samba funk. Latest Music Bar (ex Joogleberry), 8pm, £6/5 Bars and clubs Audio Supercharged. Freq Nasty plays dubfused breaks; Qemists play D‘n‘B. 10:30pm–4am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. Live NME bands and indie DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Nineties classics. 10.30pm, £tbc.

Water Margin Genetics.D‘n‘B10pm–6am, £2

Thursday 11 Live Music Brunswick Showcase Brunswick, 8pm, free.

Deadbeat Descendant Garage rockers. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Eliza Carthy Brit nu-folk Komedia, 8pm, £14/12 Kimya Dawson The former Moldy Peach returns to Brighton. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £8 Long Tall Texans Engine Rooms, 7:30pm, £tbc.

Open Mic The Hub, Lewes Road, 8:30pm, free.

Seany Clarke The Victory, 8pm, free.

Sofa Sessions Open mic night. The Juggler, 8:30pm, free.

Sound Factory Stripped: Petrushka Acoustic night. The Providence, 8pm, £1 Tristan Banks Trio Funk. The Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free.

Audio Mad For It. Indie. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1.50 Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM's Paul Hilyer plays house. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 The Hope Brap FM. Everything from downtempo to techno. 8pm–2am, free.

Po Na Na Off the Wall. Funk, soul and Motown from the 50s to present day. 10pm–3am, £2 Water Margin Suicide Dance. D‘n‘B/dub 11pm, free.

Friday 12 Live Music Benefit Gig For Moor Arts Benefit gig for local charity. Cella (Sanctuary Café), 8pm, £3 Brighton Jams Improvised funk band. Thomas Kemp Pub, 8pm, free.

Damon Brown’s Killer Shrimp A Brighton Jazz Club event. Komedia, 8pm, £14/12 The Dodos Atmospheric San Franciscan poprock duo. Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, £tbc.

Faireway + A Stranger In Moscow Rock/pop. Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free.

Freddy Fingers and Co Geminis, 8pm, £tbc.

John Crampton Foot-stomping blues, instrumentals, bluegrass Neptune, 8:30pm, free.

The Funkcollectif Launch party with live band The Island Monkeys/DJs. Belushi’s, 8pm, £5/4 Little Trophy + Silvery + Carter Brown Album launch night for these rockers, with fancy dress & hijinks. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Music Cafe: Mikey Wynne + Phoenix Williams Bluesy, folksy acoustic rock. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry), 7:30pm, free.

Out Of The Ordinary Festival Three-days of live music, healers and poets! Knockhatch Farm, Hailsham, 12pm, £70 (weekend), 25 (day) Pelican + Torche Brilliant US instrumental post-rockers. Engine Rooms, 11pm, £tbc.

The Red Stripe Band Big rhythm and blues band. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £8 Sound Factory: The Lanes + Tamakai + The Sweets Indie electro. Providence, 8pm, £1 Wide Eyed Order Live gypsy folk party.

Cobbler’s Thumb, 8pm, free.

You Are Gifted Beatboxing, saxophone, DMC scratching! Brighton Coalition,11pm, £8–13 You Don’t Bring Me Flowers Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond tribute. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 7:45pm, £16–£17.50 Bars and clubs Arc Sweet and Dandy. Sixties. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Square Roots. Launch your weekend with some meaty dubstep. 11pm–4am, £tbc.

Brighton Coalition You Are Gifted. DJs Affy and Jayess bring an eclectic mix of music and Live PAs. 11pm–5am, £8–£12 Digital Stone Love. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £6/5 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard-moshin’ rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Esca LuvMe:LuvUBack. Simon & Paul play electrofunk, soul and breaks. 9pm–2am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It’s Friday.

Sean Quinn spins party tunes. 10pm–3am, £7 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Honey Vs Filthy. Fashion, flirtation and quality house. 10pm–3am, £5–£11 The Hope Experimental electronica, disco drums and gabba guitars. 8pm–2am, free.

Born Ruffians, Saturday

Bars and clubs Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers, indiefunk, pop‘n‘krunk and electro! 10pm–3am, £2/1

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry) The Boom Boom Saloon. Late night liquor lounge with rock’n’roll, r’n’b, country funk, soul & swing! 10:30pm–2:30am, free.

Ocean Rooms Somewhere in the Universe.

10pm–4am, £3–£5 Pavilion Tavern Kick out the Jams. Rock’n’Roll mayhem with indie & punk.10:30pm–3am,£4/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Sidewinder Rick the Hat. 60s/70s.8pm, free.

Tru Club Generation. 3 rooms of dance, r’n’b & cheesy 70s & 80s hits. 10pm–3am, £10/8 Volks Carbon. Drum’n’Bass. With MC System.

11pm–5am, £5 Water Margin B-Side. Tech and filthy electro with Tiger Lily and Paul My Fingah. 2am, £5

and house with guests. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Ocean Rooms Blow The Electro Afterparty.

Residents C De La Rosa & Vincent Manganaro play electro house.3:30am–8am,£6/5 Pavilion Tavern Mod For It. Park up your Vespa for the Who, Kinks and more. 10pm–2am, £5/4 Sidewinder Tape2Tape. Future rock & roll from James Kendall’s collection. 9pm–2am, free.

Tru Glitterbaby. Mainstream chart tunes boshed out over three rooms. 10pm–3am, £10/7 Volks Bust the Box. The Bust the Box boys storm the Volks again! 11pm–4am, £tbc.

Water Margin It Came From the Sea. Innovative arthouse/dancefloor experience.

11pm–3am, £5/4. Logo. Future heroes to famous DJs spin house til dawn. 3am–8am, £7/5

Sunday 14 Saturday 13 Live Music Born Ruffians Quirky Toronto folk-rockers responsible for the brilliant ‘Hummingbirds’ song on the Orange ads. The Hope, 8pm, £6 Elvis In Concert Elvis tribute with the 12-piece RCA Band. Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 7:45pm, £13.50–£16 Fanny Burger Face Punk. Like you couldn’t tell.

Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free.

Foxes! + Labasheeda + Ripping Yarns Prince Albert, 2pm, £tbc.

Frank Sidebottom + Leonard and Bubba’s Delicious Goo-Goo Cluster The Timperley titan with a big head. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Gorgeous Live! House, funk, pop, electro and breaks. Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £10/7 The Grand Majestic Funk. Geminis, 8pm, free.

The Lovely Brothers Post-ironic neo-cabaret pop! Latest Music Bar (ex Joogleberry), 7pm, £5 The Morning Orchestra + Parker and the Flowing Wow + The Wasp Factory The Brunswick, 8pm, £4 Out Of The Ordinary Festival 3-days of live music, speakers, healers and poets! Knockhatch Farm, Hailsham, 12pm, £70 (w-end), 25 (day) Rocking and Rhythm Thirties and forties swing band. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5 Sound Factory: Riot Riot + The Snoops + Blisstrooper Rock Night Providence, 8pm, £1 Supper Club: Laura Vane and Soul City Soulful classics with a full horn section and Blu Rondo DJing. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £7–10 Totally Unsigned: Thoughts Collide + With Scissors + Steal Back Your Life + Everyone to the Anderson Unsigned bands night.

Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £5/4 Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio Summer of Love. Free parties to cram up that weekend diary. 11pm–3:30am, free.

Brighton Coalition Gorgeous Live! Goloka and Mr Pete fire up with house, funk & electro plus a new stage show.11pm–4am,£10/7 Digital Kinky Malinki. Filthy house vibes of Kid Massive, Grant Richards, Yusuf. 11pm–5am, £8 Engine Rooms Punk Rock Karaoke. Sing your favourite rock and punk anthems with a live backing band. 11pm–3am, £5 Esca Saturdays@Esca. Deep, sexy, funky grooves with DJ Andy G. 9pm–2am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance

Live Music Brighton Rocks Unplugged Unplugged heavy music. The Globe, 8pm, free.

Diego Parada Gypsy Jazz Jam Django jazz in the garden. The Brunswick, 3pm, free.

F*ck Gypsy Jazz with Quasimodo Quartet The natural progression of gypsy jazz. Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free.

Free Range Open mic. The Fiddler’s Elbow, 8pm, free.

Jim and H Classic ska, funk and reggae sounds.

The Neptune, 8:30pm, free.

Jon and Paul Guitar, cello and voice covers duo. Sidewinder, 8pm, free.

Live Acoustic Music TBC Local acts TBC. The Railway, 8pm, free.

Out Of The Ordinary Festival A three-day camping festival in celebration of the equinox full moon. With live music, speakers, healers, poets and good food! Knockhatch Farm, Hailsham, 12pm, £70 (weekend), 25 (day).

Roast ‘n’ Jazz: Tim Wade and Terry Seabrook Piano and trombone jazz duo. Oh, and Sunday roast. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry), 12:40pm, £10 inc full roast dinner.

Seeker Acoustic funk Geminis, 8pm, free.

Sunday Night Live Covers night. Western Front, 10pm, free.

Worthing Symphony Orchestra: Opening Concert of the New Season Vaughan Williams, Shostakovich and many more classics in this season opener. Worthing Assembly Hall, 2:45pm, £15–£23 Bars and clubs Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta Sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change the Frequency.

Stephen Jarvis boshes out all things diverse from Radiohead, Madlib, National Forest and Playgroup. 8pm, free.

Monday 15 Live Music Bad Manners + The Blocks + Meow Meows + Max Splodge! Buster Bloodvessel and his ska veterans return to the seaside.

Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £15 The Bee’s Mouth Jazz Forum House band welcomes all comers and all performers get some free booze! Bee’s Mouth, 8:30pm, free.

Declan Bennett The star of Rent! sings his own songs. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 8pm, £5 Doug MacLeod One of the last remaining Bluesmen who learned from the old masters.

Komedia, 8pm, £10 Gotye Aussie electro-pop maestro in the vein of The Avalanches. Komedia, 7:30pm, £7 The H’Open Mic Food offers and performer happy hour all night. The Hope, 8:30pm, free.

Bars and clubs Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. DJs Outbreak, Rudeben and Dubl break out the best in old skool garage, r’n’b, hip hop, bashment and swing. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie with drinks £1.50 all night. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Student friendly cocktail of funk, reggae, indie and pop.

10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. Dancehall, bashment, roots and revival. 10pm, £4.50/3.50 Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit latest 7 33

034_LS389 gay news/will

9/3/08

2:16 PM

Page 2

LATESTGAY

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Brighton’s only weekly gay guide

William Tells

NEWS

Will Harris looks at the changing face of masculinity

Val McDermid, one of last year’s winners

Even in our 21st century world, where the gender lines are becoming increasingly smudged, there are still plenty of things ‘real’ men don’t do.

Talk about their feelings? “No way, mate!” Cry at the end of sad movies?

“You’re ‘aving a laugh, ain’t ya?” Wear make-up? “Well… Actually…”

This summer witnessed the latest body blow for red-blooded males everywhere, when Superdrug launched the perplexingly named Taxi Man, the first-ever high-street cosmetics range aimed purely at men.

Products launched so far include ‘Guy-liner’ and ‘Manscara’, and there are plans to complement these over the coming months with a foundation, a blusher and a lip gloss (with no doubt an entire department at Superdrug head office currently slaving day and night to come up with oh-so-funny names for them too).

This latest ‘affront to masculinity’ shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. You see, for some time now, there’s been a metrosexual revolution quietly taking hold of the men of Britain. It started innocuously enough – a dollop of moisturiser here, a quick spin on their girlfriends’ GHDs there – yet slowly but surely guys everywhere have been embracing all those little things that make the fairer sex… Well, fairer.

“In Gayville today butch is en vogue, or it would be if en vogue wasn’t such a fruity expression“

Hero worship Heroes and heroines of the gay community will be celebrated at the third annual Stonewall Awards.

The awards from the lobbying charity commemorate those, gay or straight, who in the past year have had a positive impact on the lives of lesbian and gay people in Britain. Last year's winners included Dan Gillespie Sells, Val McDermid and Alan Johnson.

Sponsored by Barclays, the awards will be voted for by thousands of Stonewall supporters across Britain. Categories include ‘Hero of the Year‘, ‘Bigot of the Year‘ and the ‘Stonewall & Barclays Community Group.‘ The chosen Community Group of the Year will receive a cheque for £5,000 to support its work.

Nominees as Hero of the Year include gay bishop Gene Robinson and Natalie Gamble, a veteran campaigner for equal access to fertility treatment. Nominations for Bigot of the Year include Northern Irish MP Iris Robinson and Heinz, which withdrew an innocent ad for mayonnaise after complaints that it featured a ‘gay kiss’. The other seven awards – including Writer and Entertainer of the Year – will be chosen by a panel of judges including Diane Abbott MP, artist Maggi Hambling and broadcaster Dawn Airey.

Ben Summerskill, Stonewall Chief Executive, said: “We’re delighted to celebrate all those people – both gay and gay-friendly – who’ve made an inspirational contribution to equality in Britain today. Our communities have a growing range of allies and they all too often go unrecognised.“ Stonewall Awards, V&A, London, Thursday 6 November.

What I find interesting is that, as our straight counterparts find themselves sliding ever further down the slippery slope to oestrogen island, most gay males today look to be hauling themselves up in the other direction. Where once we had Boy George and his Karma Chameleon, now we have an entire chameleonic subgroup of gay men who will transform themselves into builders, plumbers, even soldiers, all at the drop of a hard hat.

In Gayville today butch is en vogue, or it would be if en vogue wasn’t such a fruity expression, and being anything less than ‘straight-acting’ will put you on a very sticky wicket (and if you don’t know what a wicket is, you’re essentially screwed). Stubble on the jaw is demanded, stubble on the legs is not, and nobody puts lime in their lager any more.

Perhaps, just like the emerging metrosexuals in straight society, we’re experiencing our own quiet revolution: the rise of the retrosexual.

Naturally, none of this will change the fact that gay men are far more likely to wear make-up than their straight cousins, but – and let’s be brutally honest here – can you see any of us caking ourselves in Superdrug own-brand, witty title or otherwise? Of course not – we’ll continue to slap Chanel on our bristly chins and wander around the gym looking fabulous, pretending to care about football when really we’re scoping out Joe Cole’s tackle.

Liberals debate asylum The treatment of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender asylum seekers will be addressed at a political conference. Liberal Democrats have tabled a debate for their party's federal conference this week.

The motion was put forward by the Lib Dem LGBT group DELGA. It argues that the British Government has been wrong to deport LGBT asylum seekers to countries where they face persecution on grounds of sexuality or gender identity.

The Government has previously ruled that it would be acceptable for a lesbian or gay person to be deported to a homophobic state, as long as that individual behaved in a 'discreet' manner.

Councillor Paul Elgood, leader of the Brighton and Hove Liberal Democrat Group, said: “I am very glad that the Liberal Democrats have put this at the very heart of the conference. This issue will be debated by the full conference and given the priority which it deserves. Let us hope that a clear message is evident from the conference at the injustice of the present LGBT system.“ The debate will be held at the conference in Bournemouth on Sunday 14 September from 5.30pm to 6pm.

34 latest 7

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 160 ACROSS: 3 Perpetual 7 Tar 8 Abomination 10 Lodge 11 Element 13 Golden 14 Sprawl 17 Tension 19 Stung 20 Electrician 22 Hop 23 Exciseman DOWN: 1 Starlight 2 Fraudulence 3 Protégé 4 Raider 5 Evade 6 Ado 9 Ipecacuanha 12 Telegraph 15 Passion 16 Indium 18 Ictus 21 Lax Solution to Quick 160 ACROSS: 3 Darwinian 7 Duo 8 Needfulness 10 Nouns 11 Lateral 13 Utters 14 Livers 17 Elevate 19 Motif 20 Resemblance 22 Sal 23 Residence DOWN: 1 Adventure 2 Conductress 3 Dresser 4 Refill 5 Inlet 6 Ass 9 Earnestness 12 Lustfully 15 Immense 16 Merlin 18 Armed 21 Eve © Crossword Shop

If you have a story for Latest Gay pages please email news@thelatest.co.uk

035_LS389_gay listings

9/4/08

2:23 PM

Page 1

GAY

For full listings & venues go to thelatest.co.uk/7

GAYLISTINGS 9 – 15 Sept Tuesday 9 Amsterdam Amsterdam Spice. Enjoy a curry, rice, poppadom and Cobra beer for £6.99 then a Bollywood movie! 11am–11pm, free.

Brighton Tavern City of Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus. 12pm–11pm, free.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Twisted Karaoke. Your golden opportunity to get vocal with over 3,000 tracks to choose from. 10pm.

Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday! Relaxed, friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Queens Arms Karaoke with Betty Swollocks.

9pm, free.

R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! Get a FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy!

12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Flashback. The best 80s nostalgic tunes from Lady P and Two-Foot. 10:30pm–3am, £2/NUS go free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mill’s Music Night. With Uncle Ben’s quiz night from 9pm.

Bar open 12pm, free.

Wednesday 10 Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Miss-Shapes.

Indie and pop for cool gay kidz. 10pm, £tbc.

Legends Relax – It’s Wednesday! Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Prince Regent Swimming Pool Out to Swim South. 8:30pm, £4 per session, 20 annual pass.

R-Bar Cocktail Club. Enjoy the champagne lifestyle on lemonade money. 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge pop!SEXY. Expect live on stage

entertainment and chart pop and R’n’B. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. 12pm–11pm.

The Basement Play. with DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 11 Arc Dynamite Boogaloo. Cabaret capers and outrageous stage games with a little pop, funk ’n’ krunk. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1.

Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. Hosted by Mother Superior Joan Bond with Tony B and Mikalis. 10pm, £4/3.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Rack ‘Em Up. Second installment of Ghetto’s edgy boutique nights. Blues, Rock and Country. 10pm, £tbc.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Motown Sing a long. Host TBC 9pm.

Queen's Arms Lucky Dip Karaoke. hosted by Betty Swollocks. 12pm–11:30pm, free.

R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin.

12pm–2am, free.

Revenge GirlsOnTop. Fabulously trashy weekly lesbian night with DJ Smiffy. 10:30pm–4am, £free b4 11:30 with passes, 4/5 after.

The Basement Eddie K’s Jukebox. 11pm–4am.

Friday 12 Amsterdam The Jazz Lounge with Wesley Sebastian. Swing and Jazz, 9pm.

Legends Pre Celebration. Pure pop sounds 7pm.

Queen’s Arms Andy B’s Camp Attack. Cabaret and games. Bar open 12pm–1am, free.

R-Bar Lollipop warm up Party. Flex the drinking

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory online for details

Saturday 13 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am.

Ghetto (formerly Candy Bar) Wigout. Soho’s long running pop party. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. £tbc.

Legends Pre Ignition. 7pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Chris Thom’s Laid back vibe. Live music. 2pm–5pm, free.

Queen's Arms Karaoke party with Kamp Kevin.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm).

Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free.

R-Bar Kinky-The Early Session. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous with new boy on the block, Jozzie O. 9pm–7am, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Gay Brighton’s Kings of the Saturday night! 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 6.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–5am, £3–7.

Star Inn Bear Essentials. DJ Charlie.

12pm–1am, free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Cabaret night.

9pm, free.

The Basement Ignition. With the dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm, free/5.

The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness.

The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then from 8:30pm PV’s house DJs takes to the decks.

Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 14 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Traditional roasts (12–5:30pm) and relaxing Sunday vibes with a cabaret twist. Hosted by Connie Conway. 8pm.

Audio Sunday Sundae. Delve into a unique blend of old skool house and pop classics served up by DJs Richard Jones, Diablo and Kate Wildblood. 6pm, £3/4/5.

Ghetto (Formerly Candy Bar) Eurotrash. Crazy pop cabaret. 10pm, £tbc.

Legends Sunday Cabaret with Kandi Kane.

3:15pm, free.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Jazz Brunch. Sunday Jazz Brunch 11am, free.

The Basement Embrace. Remixed Pop tracks with G-A-Y DJ Nick Shepherdson. 11pm, free.

Monday 15 Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Gimmie gimmie gimmie a musical, some popcorn and a drink from the bar! Bar open 11am.

The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Let DJ Steve Lush whisk you back with his classic floorfillers. 11pm–4am free.

Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks spanning the last 4 decades with drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints and vodka mix.

10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS. Legends Dave Lynn and friends. A hysterical night of cabaret with Dave Lynn and friends, 9:30pm. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Queen’s Arms Cherry Poppins Karaoke Show. plus drinks promos, 9pm. Bar open 12pm. chrisjepson.com

Sunday Sundae

arm in this weekend warm up. 12pm–5am, free.

Revenge Lollipop and House of Diva. Top pop tunes from Stewart T. Upstairs find funky vocal house with DJ Hollie and guests. 10:30pm–5am, £free b4 11/5 b4 12/7 after.

Star Inn The Return of Friday Bears Inc. with guest DJs playing uplifting funky house and pop remixes. 8pm–1am, free.

The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Alex Baker playing girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free Ghetto (formerly Candy Bar) Popstarz. Indie anthems, alternative classics and current underground hits. 10pm, £tbc.

latest 7 35

036_LS389_TVIntro

9/5/08

2:59 PM

Page 2

latestTV

Dani on TV

What’s hot on the box

What not to watch Dani vents her spleen regarding her TV hate: fashion gurus Trinny and Susannah This is not the usual TV column. Not because I couldn’t find anything to write about. (Well, that is not entirely true as everything on TV at the minute contains dinosaurs or images of the sea, which, don’t get me wrong, are interesting but how much can you really say about extinct animals or a mass of water?) So I thought I would have a moan at the two women on our televisions who deserve it most.

I dislike Trinny and Susannah quite a lot. You may like them and that is fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion – the only difference being that I get to have mine planted in this spot in the magazine.

There are many reasons why I dislike them, the main one is that Trinny always has her nipples poking out. It may not seem like a legitimate reason but I don’t care. I really bugs me. Also because Susannah never really looks all that great for someone who is supposed to care about these things.

Secondly: they grope women. I don’t know where they learned to do their job but I can assure you that you can give advice about what is right to wear without touching someone’s breasts. Or your own for that matter; it seems that if they are not ripping the clothes of some poor woman they are touching themselves or each other.

“Susannah always looks greasy and Trinny always looks hungry” Thirdly – and I thought I would pretend to be a journalist and ask others’ perspectives and opinions (the man’s view) – they are stuck up. You can tell what they were like as children.

You know they were the kids who thought they were better than everyone else and can therefore be patronising and rude.

Most people as they grow older realise the reception you get when you are stuck up and rude and therefore control it, whereas Trinny and Susannah discovered a career where they can prod and poke at everyone they consider to need help and get away with it.

Also, they are now appearing in those weird Littlewoods adverts in which, I might add, they are always dressed in clothes that don’t suit their body shapes, which is bad enough but when they actually add a little story line into the mix it makes my heart sink and my stomach rise slightly. There is nothing worse than seeing two bland women attempt to act (and yes, I realise it is meant to be a bit tongue in cheek but that is no excuse for crap).

Susannah always looks greasy and Trinny always looks hungry. They spend every episode pointing out to women all the things that are wrong with them and themselves. Do we really need that? All in aid of getting you to spend a little more money in the shops?!

36 latest 7

Films on TV

9 – 15 September

Movies on the box this week

TUESDAY 9

SATURDAY 13

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

Shakespeare in Love

★★★✩✩ (2001, BBC1, 10.35pm.

Dir John Madden) Starring Nic Cage portraying an Italian in Cephalonia during WWII, courting local girl Penelope Cruz, to the chagrin of childhood sweetheart Christian Bale. Based on the bestselling book. With a stellar cast, this is quality mid-week film fodder.

★★★★★ (1999, BBC2, 10.15pm.

Dir John Madden) Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes. Romantic comedy set in London in the late 16th century: William Shakespeare struggles with his latest work Romeo and Ethel the Pirate's Daughter. A young woman dressed as a man gets the part of Romeo and romantic comedy kicks off as William falls for his leading ’man’.

WEDNESDAY 10 Hudson Hawk ★★★✩✩ (1991, Five, 9pm. Dir Michael Lehmann) A legendary bomb at the cinema but a fun goodies vs baddies tale of a singing thief – Mr Bruce Willis – dragged out of retirement to steal a Da Vinci to aid world domination for evil-doers Richard E Grant and Sandra Bernhard. With Andie MacDowell providing the love interest it’s a car crash of overacting and egos, but somehow it never fails to amuse.

THURSDAY 11 American Beauty ★★★★★ (1999, BBC1, 10.45pm. Dir Sam Mendes) One man’s nervous breakdown is another man’s art – or so it would seem in Mendes’ big screen debut.

Starring Kevin Spacey questioning suburbia, with an excellent supporting cast of Annette Bening as his cuckolding wife, Thora Birch his daughter and Mena Suvari famously as the teenage object of his confused affections, this is a beautiful film that never fails to move without crossing over into the land of the weepie.

FRIDAY 12 Look Back In Anger ★★★★✩ (1958, Sky Movies Classics, 11.10pm.

Dir Tony Richardson) Starring an electrifying performance

by Richard Burton, this John Osborne adaptation opened the floodgates to the genre of kitchen-sink dramas.

Telling the tale of a man disillusioned with his lot and railing against society in a most articulate fashion.

The Lost Weekend ★★★★✩ (1945, Sky Movies Classics, 5.35pm. Dir Billy Wilder) Powerful landmark film which garnered Ray Milland a muchdeserved Oscar for his portrayal of four-days in the life of a chronic alcoholic. It remains a very powerful film and there is nothing dated about the theme of a man who loses his soul to the bottle. Jane Wyman is his loyal girlfriend in one of her best roles.

SUNDAY 14 Legends of the Fall ★★★✩✩ (1995, BBC1, 10.20pm. Dir Edward Zwick) Starring Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins.

Sweeping epic about three sons raised on a Montana ranch by their father, a colonel who has turned his back on the army after the Indian Wars. Though the destinies of the boys are very different, two forces impact on each of their lives – the Great War in Europe and the love of a young woman.

MONDAY 15 Boogie Nights ★★★★✩ (1997, Five, 11.05pm.

Dir Paul Thomas Anderson) Impressive exploration of the rise (er, hmm) and fall of the porn film scene in the 1970s. Starring Mark Wahlberg with the extra-large appendage and a brilliant Julianne Moore as his drugged up mother-figure.

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9/3/08

10:27 AM

Page 1

tuesday 9 The Sex Education Show Channel 4, 8pm Anna Richardson hosts a new series having a look at the nation’s ignorance on many sexy and not so sexy things connected to sex. The series opens with a group of parents being shown pornography. Surely to be parents they’d be aware of this?

Actually, it’s the stuff their kids are watching on t’intenet. Oh.

Mercury Prize 2008: LIVE BBC2, 10pm It’s more prestigious than the Brits, less about name and more about innovation, plus it really seems to be judged by people who love music. The Mercury Prize for the best album of 2008 holds a lot of weight. This live event hosted by indie cool Lauren Laverne gives us a peek at the next big things to come.

Come Dine with Me More4, 9pm The cookery programme that seems to award extra points for bitchiness has a complete week’s worth in one night. The format is simple: four amateur chefs host their very best dinner party for the others on consecutive nights, grading each other as they go with the winner receiving £1,000 in cash. Horrid curtains! Miaow!

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Lazytown 3.30 What’s New Scooby Doo? 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 The Owl 4.05 Hedz 4.35 Roman Mysteries 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Mister Maker 9.20 Something Special – Out and About 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 What the Victorians Did for Us 10.35 FILM: My Favourite Wife (1940) 12.00pm What Are You Like? 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out of the Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up to the Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.05am Making It 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Will and Grace 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 9.55 ER 10.55 Without a Trace 11.45 Supporting Acts 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.35 FILM: My Darling Clementine (1946) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine with Me

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Behind Closed Doors 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.10 FILM: Broken Promises: Taking Emily Back (1993) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Speedway 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Pipeline Adventures 12.30 Big League Weekend 1.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.30 Big League Weekend 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 LIVE Pro40 League 10.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 10.30 Poker Million 12.30am LIVE International Football 3.00 World Motor Sport 5.30 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Callum is determined to get what he wants, and what game is Max playing? Probably Monopoly with his kind of skullduggery.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City A devious Jac, determined to uncover some dirt on Faye to pass on to Joseph, discovers a bigger secret than she ever expected. She’s a digger that one.

Don’t look where you dig, though, and you’re likely to end up in a viper’s nest of trouble.

9.00 Mutual Friends Martin leaves hospital and is reconciled with Jen – but with frustrating results.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 FILM: Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) Starring Nicolas Cage, Penelope Cruz, John Hurt, Christian Bale. Wartime drama about the romance that develops between a Italian captain and a strong-willed Greek woman.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.10 Sign Zone: Jimmy Doherty’s Farming Heroes 2.10 Trawlermen 2.40 The Hairy Bakers 3.10 Chinese Food Made Easy 3.40 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 4.25 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz.

6.30 MasterChef the Professionals The chefs face must make two dishes in 50 minutes from the central ingredient of beef sirloin, then they must recreate two classic dishes – bouillabaisse and tarte tatin.

7.00 Paralympics 2008: Games Today Clare Balding introduces the action from Beijing.

8.00 Nigella Express Nigella Lawson prepares good food quickly.

8.30 Maestro Clive Anderson presents the live grand final. The three remaining student conductors must conduct a concerto with world renowned soloists as well as a piece of orchestral music of their own choosing. The judges – Sir Roger Norrington, Dominic Seldis, Zoe Martlew and guest judge international violin virtuoso Maxim Vengerov – rate their performances.

10.00 Mercury Prize 2008: LIVE See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Supersizers Go...

Restoration Restaurant critic Giles Coren and writer and performer Sue Perkins try the food of restoration Britain in the 1660s, a time of fire and plague. They snack on coxcombs, eel pie and copious amounts of small beer. Yummy. Better than Nigella.

12.20am Joins BBC News 4.00 The French Experience I: 9-12 5.00 The French Experience I: 13-16

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Debbie apologises to Jimmy for Zak’s behaviour. That’ll go down well at home. Not. 8.00 The National Movie Awards 2008 Some of the world’s top stars and most popular films come together for a night of glitz, glamour and excitement at this year’s National Movie Awards. From the musical fun of Mamma Mia! to the superhero exploits of The Dark Knight and the laughs and romance of Sex and the City, it’s been an amazing 12 months at the cinema.

10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.35 Comedy Classics: On the Buses On the Buses, the sitcom that revolved around loveable bus driver Stan Butler, his down-to-earth family, best friend and work colleague Jack, and their arch enemy, Inspector Blakey. The origin of the much used phrase: “I’ll get you Butler!”

11.35 Superhuman: World’s Smallest People Series looking at extraordinary humans, with a focus on the shortest people on the planet.

12.35am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.50 L.A Dragnet 2.35 Loose Women 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy’s concern for Malachy escalates when he wakes and insists he lied about telling her he was HIV positive. Strange thing to make up.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Sex Education Show See highlights.

9.00 The Secret Millionaire Businesswoman Hilary Devey has made over a £100 million a year in the male-dominated haulage industry. Devey goes undercover for ten days at the Falinge housing estate in Rochdale.

10.00 Other People’s Breast Milk Kate Garraway investigates the pros and cons of cross-feeding, breast milk donation and wet nursing, and meets some of the growing number of women who share each other’s milk.

11.05 Reaper Sam tries to protect Andi when her life is threatened by an escaped soul from hell.

12.05am Midnight Madness 2008 1.35 Bennetts British Superbike Championship 2.25 KOTV 2.50 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 3.40 The Highlander Challenge World Championship 4.30 Freesports on 4: Nissan Qashqai Challenge 2008 5.20 FIVB Beach Volleyball

6.00 Home and Away Roman’s past comes back to haunt him. Probably wearing a sheet and going “Whooo!”

6.30 Animal Rescue Squad In California, Michaela aids in the recovery of a rattlesnake that has escaped into suburbia. Zowie!

7.00 Five News 7.30 Highland Emergency An RAF crew battles strong winds to get to an injured climber. No wide plains of the Scottish desert here.

8.00 Who Really Killed Jesus?

Religious documentary exploring the trial and execution of Christ.

9.00 CSI: Miami A man is strangled during a solar eclipse and it is not long before the CSIs realise that they have a serial killer on their hands.

10.00 CSI: NY A hated boss is found dead in the grounds of her own hotel; and the CSIs try to find out how a body ended up on the roof of a school bus. Bit more than a prank.

11.00 Law and Order: SVU The investigation into the death of a young boy leads to the discovery that children are being smuggled from Nigeria to be sold into slavery.

12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 Disorderly Conduct 2.00 Great Run Yorkshire 2.50 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 3.40 USPGA Golf 4.30 Seniors Golf 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home and Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 Showjumping 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 World Motor Sport 12.30pm Speedway 2.30 World Motor Sport 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Beach Football 7.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am European Seniors Tour Golf 1.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 1.30 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 2.30 Beach Football 3.30 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 4.00 Football Asia

Sky Sports 3 10.30am Carp Academy 2008 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Showjumping 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 NFL 5.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 6.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 7.00 NFL 9.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 10.00 Beach Football 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 12.00am Pool: World Pool Masters 1.00 Great and British Dunlop Motorsports Festival 2.30 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC – Silverstone

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 American Gladiators 6.00 Malcolm in the Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 Inside...

12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Australia Uncovered 2.40 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 8.00 Dog Borstal 9.00 Don’t Tell the Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 How Not to Live Your Life 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Don’t Tell the Bride 12.45am Dog Borstal 1.40 How Not to Live Your Life 2.10 The Real Hustle (x2) 3.10 Money for Nothing

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky at Night 8.00 Wild China 9.00 That Mitchell and Webb Look 9.30 Flight of the Conchords 10.00 Call the Cops 10.30 A for Andromeda 11.55 The Edwardians in Colour: The Wonderful World of Albert Kahn 12.55am Call the Cops 1.25 The Sky at Night

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy 6.30 FILM: The Mummy (1999) 9.00 CelebAir 10.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 10.30 FILM: Primal Fear (1996) 1.00am Entourage (x2) 2.05 Celebrity Entourage: The Locker Room

4.00pm Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Revisiting Brideshead 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Revisiting Brideshead (x2) 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Pie in the Sky 9.00 PD James: Taste for Death 10.00 PD James: An Unsuitable Job for a Woman 12.10am Profiling PD James 1.10 Maigret

3.30pm Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Skins 12.00am Scrubs 12.30 Scrubs 1.00 Gilmore Girls 1.50 Skins 2.50 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.30 My Name is Earl

5.35pm Kirstie and Phil’s Property Guide 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine with Me. See highlights. 10.00 True Stories: The Bridge 12.00am 9/11: The Five Year Anniversary 2.30 Come Dine with Me

2.00pm Criminal Minds 3.00 Blood Ties 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will and Grace (x2) 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Diet on the Dancefloor 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Private Practice 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Will and Grace (x2)

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm One Foot in the Grave 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last of the Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 Some Mothers do ‘Ave ‘Em 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.10 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.50 The Worst Week of My Life 12.30am Shark (x2) 2.15 Baywatch (x2)

3.00pm Two and a Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x4) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Not Going Out 11.50 Two and a Half Men (x2) 12.50am Celebrity Death Match (x2)

6.00pm American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Colossal Squid 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA: Body of Evidence 1.00 Crime Scene Australia 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 Deadliest Catch

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 12.30am FILM: Larva (2004) 2.20 Rutger Hauer: Heroes, Villains and Replicants 3.00 Angel

2.20pm Tarantula (1955) 3.45 Bigger Than Life (1956) 5.25 Look Back In Anger (1958) 7.05 Fail-Safe (1964) 9.00 Patton (1970) 11.50 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 1.35am Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 3.35 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

12.25pm Tube Tales (1999) 2.00 Offside (2006) 3.35 35mm 4.05 The Escapist (2001) 5.40 Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) 8.05 Stranger Than Fiction (2006) 10.00 Nil By Mouth (1997) 12.15am Running With Scissors (2006) 2.30 Ong-Bak (2004) 4.30 35mm 5.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Conspiracy Of Hearts (1960) 3.15 Brief Encounter (1945) 5.00 Joe Wright on David Lean 5.10 Passionate Friends (1948) 7.00 The First Wives Club (1996) 9.00 Blade: Trinity (2004) Wesley Snipes returns as the moody vamp. 11.10 Three Days Of The Condor (1975) 1.35am The Woodlanders (1997)

10.50am Captains Courageous (1937) 1.00pm A Patch Of Blue (1965) 3.00 My Favorite Year (1982) 4.45 The Prize (1963) 7.10 Skyjacked (1972) 9.00 Diner (1982) 11.00 Cannery Row (1982) 1.10am Sitting Target (1972) 2.50 Pride Of The Marines (1945) 5.00 The Man Who Came To Dinner (1942)

Classics

Indie

038_LS389_TV_Wed

9/3/08

10:26 AM

Page 1

wednesday 10 Lost in Austen ITV1, 9pm Jemima Rooper’s pretty darn good at choosing her projects – a little bit quirky, lots of well-written dialogue – and last week’s opener of this fictional marooning showed she’s not lost her touch.

This week she must avert catastrophe when Mr Bingley fails to recognise Jane as his true love. Meddling’s in order.

Desperate Housewives Channel 4, 10pm The new series started last week but Big Brother was in its end run and nothing else really got a look-in. Now’s the time to savour this new collective though, as the aftermath of the tornado really hits home (no pun intended).

Gabrielle struggles with the practicalities of a blind husband and Rick Coletti turns up. Ooh!

Angel Sci Fi, 6.05pm Angel may have started out as a spin-off but it still has its fair share of classic episodes, this being one of them. Wesley finds Lilah’s body and goes to see Faith, who promptly breaks out of jail to join him in facing Angelus and the Beast. She’s being good.

Angel’s bad. It’s a turnaround.

Plus, Cordy has a bombshell.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Lazytown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 The Owl 4.05 Young Dracula 4.35 Serious Ocean 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Mister Maker 9.20 Something Special – Out and About 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Coast 10.35 FILM: Affair With A Stranger (1953) 12.00pm What Are You Like?

12.30 Open Gardens 1.00 See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up to the Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Will and Grace 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 9.55 ER 10.55 Without a Trace 11.45 Great British Brands 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.30 Great British Brands 1.45 FILM: Comanche (1956) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine with Me

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Behind Closed Doors 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: First Shot: The President Is Down (2002) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 International Football 12.00pm Ladies Euro Tour Golf 1.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 1.30 International Football 3.30 Beach Football 4.30 Football Asia 5.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 5.30 International Football 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 You’re on Sky Sports 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am International Football 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 My Family One of Britain’s best-loved heartthrobs visits Ben’s surgery. A sitcom more middle-of-theroad than James Blunt.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Sky Cops Series that follows the work of Britain’s helicopter police.

8.30 Trawlermen John Alexander, working alone on his tiny boat, finds himself in trouble when the weather turns and the seas run high.

9.00 Who Do You Think You Are? David Suchet embarks on a journey round Europe in an effort to unravel the riddle of his family history. First David explores the one English branch of his family which leads him to the National Maritime Museum and a story of a shipwreck, tragedy and heroism.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 Medium Allison tries to help track down a missing teenage girl.

11.25 Ramadan 11.55 The Tudors Propaganda rules.

12.45am Weatherview 12.50 Sign Zone: Alexei Sayle’s Liverpool 1.50 DIY SOS 2.20 Rogue Restaurants 2.50 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 3.35 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 MasterChef the Professionals Chef Michel Roux Jnr and vegetable expert Gregg Wallace are on the hunt for a young chef who wants to make it to the top of the culinary world.

7.00 Paralympics 2008: Games Today Continued coverage from Beijing. Athletics action in the Bird’s Nest features David Weir’s attempt to win his first ever Paralympic gold medal.

8.00 The Restaurant The Restaurant is back for a second season. Again Raymond Blanc is searching for a couple with the culinary and business skills to become his partners.

9.00 A Number Tom Wilkinson and Rhys Ifans lead in this shattering meditation on human identity.

Adapted by acclaimed British playwright Caryl Churchill from her original play, A Number examines the issue of human cloning via a thought-provoking, surprising and haunting father-son drama.

10.10 Coast The team explore the Isle of Man. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Charley Boorman: Ireland to Sydney by Any Means Exactly what it says on the tin.

12.20am Joins BBC News 4.00 The French Experience: 17-20 5.00 French Experience 2: 1-4

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Terry and Jamie solve Bob’s money problems. Could they lend the rest of us a hand?

7.30 Coronation Street Emily deals with nosey Norris. About time somebody did.

8.00 The Bill Bobby Henshaw is beaten up. At the hospital Bobby claims that whoever attacked him had been paid by Alistair Finch, the man who ran over and killed his younger brother. It’s all about faamily. Sorry, thought Phil Mitchell had switched channels.

9.00 Lost in Austen See highlights.

10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.35 Numb3rs The case of a dead LA gang member becomes more complex for Don and his team when it transpires that the victim was an undercover agent. D’oh!

11.35 Holiday Homes from Hell Featuring a couple who had to watch their villa being pulled down, a couple evicted from their restored chateau by someone claiming to own it, and families caught up in the worst forest fires in European history.

12.25am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Mystery 1.15 L.A Dragnet 2.05 Loose Women 2.55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The realisation dawns on Malachy that he may have infected both his girlfriend and his brother.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Embarrassing Illnesses Tonight’s patients include a woman with something nasty in her ear, and a man with unrelenting diarrhoea.

8.30 How Clean is Your House?

Rocket enthusiast Daniel Westley has an explosive hobby, but his love life remains a damp squib thanks to the state of his toxic bachelor pad. Kim and Aggie unpack the dusters.

9.00 The 9/11 Hotel 14 people escaped the Marriott World Trade Center Hotel after the building was hit by burning debris from the collapse of the Twin Towers.

10.00 Desperate Housewives See highlights.

11.00 Sex in the Noughties: Nuts Vs Zoo A look at the weekly lads’ mags Nuts and Zoo. 12.00am 4 Music: Snow Patrol: Video Exclusive 12.05 Pineapple Express: T4 Movie Special 12.40 Vodafone TBA 2008: The Streets 1.10 FILM: Yuva (2004) 4.00 The Bypass 4.15 Tony Robinson’s Crime and Punishment 5.15 Countdown

6.00 Home and Away Matilda and Ric succumb to temptation. Will they please make up their minds!

6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker present a wildlife series following the urgent work going on to save and protect animals in the UK and abroad.

7.00 Five News 7.30 Daring Raids of World War II Telling the story of paratroopers who carried out a dangerous mission stealing intelligence against German radar in northern France in 1942.

8.00 Megastructures Documentary exploring reverse engineering projects whereby huge structures are taken to pieces and recycled.

9.00 FILM: Hudson Hawk (1991) Starring Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie MacDowell, Richard E Grant, Sandra Bernhard and James Coburn.

A swinging, all-action comic production in which a recently released international cat burglar is blackmailed into committing the crime of the century. Guess who gets to play the debonair singing thief?

Yippe kye-yay.

10.55 Police Interceptors Documentary series 11.55 PartyPoker.com World Open IV 1.25am Major League Baseball 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home and Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 8.00 Beach Football 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC 10.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00pm Beach Football 1.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 3.00 Poker Million 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Heritage Grand Touring Car Challenge: HGTCC – Silverstone 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 European Tour Weekly 7.30 LIVE: Live International Football 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Poker Million 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Med Cup Circuit – Murcia 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 You’re on Sky Sports

Sky Sports 3 6.30am Great and British Dunlop Motorsports Festival 8.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 9.00 Poker Million 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 NFL – Total Access 4.30 Live Pro40 League 10.00 British Motocross Championship 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00am Golf: Challenge Tour 12.30 European Tour Weekly

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

4.00pm Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Malcolm in the Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget the Lyrics 9.00 Bones 10.00 Premiership’s 50 Greatest Goals 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Road Wars 1.30 Road Wars Half Hours

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 Most Annoying Couples 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Dog Borstal 1.15 Spooks: Code 9 2.05 How Not to Live Your Life 2.35 Make My Body Younger 3.30 The Real Hustle 4.00 Spooks: Code 9

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Born to be Wild 8.00 Life in Cold Blood 9.00 Blood and Guts: A History of Surgery 10.00 FILM: Esma’s Secret (2006) 11.30 Coal House 12.00am Blood and Guts: A History of Surgery 1.00 Medical Mavericks 2.00 Doctors to Be: 20 Years on 2.30 Doctors to Be: 20 Years on

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (x2) 9.00 FILM: Instinct (1999) 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 CelebAir 12.55am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 1.25 Entourage (x2)

5.40pm Heartbeat 6.45 Film File 6.55 Revisiting Brideshead 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Celebrating... The South Bank Show (x2) 10.00 PD James: an Unsuitable Job for a Woman 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.00 Maigret

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer (x2) 11.00 FILM: Phone Booth (2002) 12.30am Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Gilmore Girls 2.20 Criss Angel: Mindfreak

4.30pm Location, Location, Location 5.35 Kirstie and Phil’s Property Guide 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 Saving Britney Spears 9.00 Father Ted (x2) 10.05 The IT Crowd (x2) 11.10 Dispatches 12.10am 9/11 Millionaire Widows 1.15 Father Ted (x2)

3.00pm Blood Ties 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will and Grace (x2) 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Private Practice 9.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time of Your Life 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Will and Grace (x2) 2.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time of Your Life 3.00 The L Word

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.35pm My Family 6.15 The Good Life 6.55 Alistair McGowan’s Big Impression 7.05 Last of the Summer Wine 7.45 Keeping Up Appearances 8.25 Some Mothers do ‘Ave ‘Em 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.25 Gimme Gimme Gimme 12.05am The Worst Week of My Life 12.45 Shark (x2) 2.25 Baywatch (x2)

4.00pm The King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Not Going Out 11.50 Scrubs 12.20am Stacked 12.50 Trailer Park Boys 1.20 Linc’s 1.50 Scrubs 2.20 Stacked

7.00pm How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Chasing Churchill 10.00 Egypt’s Top Ten Mysteries 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA: Body of Evidence 1.00 Crime Scene Australia 2.00 Forensic Detectives

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Descent (2005) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel.

See highlights. 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 10.30 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 12.10am FILM: Creature (2004) 2.00 Angel

2.10pm Steptoe And Son (1972) 3.55 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 5.30 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 7.05 The Desperate Hours (1955) 9.00 The Killers (1964) 10.40 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 12.45am The Night Of The Hunter (1955) 2.30 Modern Greats and Classics Close Up

10.40am The Lives Of Others (2006) 1.00pm The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 3.30 Seven Swords (2005) 5.55 Tsotsi (2005) 7.35 The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 10.00 The Lives Of Others (2006) 12.20am This Year’s Love (1998) 2.20 The Top 10 Show 2.35 Seven Swords (2005)

1.00pm The Girl Can’t Help It (1956) 2.55 Blithe Spirit (1945) Noel Coward penned this comedy of civilised haunting. Starring Rex Harrison. 4.50 Joe Wright on David Lean 4.55 Madeleine (1949) 7.10 The Honeymooners (2005) 9.00 Sahara (2005) 11.25 Straightheads (2007) 1.05am Little Otik (1998)

10.40am Mrs Parkington (1944) 1.00pm The Picture Of Dorian Gray (1945) 3.00 Lady L (1965) 5.00 All The Fine Young Cannibals (1960) 7.05 The Cincinnati Kid (1965) 9.00 Beetlejuice (1988) 10.40 Pink Floyd – The Wall (1982) 12.30am Something Of Value (1957) 2.30 Ziegfeld Girl (1941) 5.00 Today We Live (1933)

Classics

Indie

039_LS389_TV_Thu

9/3/08

10:26 AM

Page 1

thursday 11 I Own Britain’s Best Home and Garden Five, 8pm This Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen presented show should really be called, ‘How to Case a Place Without Having to Leave Your Robbers’ Den’. But thieving opportunities aside, this competition show leads the way in showing us just how perfect we can make our living space.

Never Mind the Buzzcocks BBC2, 10pm Buzzcocks is so good it’s easy to forget. You catch one and find yourself laughing at the television set and punching a cushion in joy. The sofa never looked as good as it did after an episode.

Joining Simon Amstell, Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus this week are Kate Nash, Martin Freeman, Antony Costa and Matt Horne.

CelebAir ITV2, 7pm Ever wanted to be waited on hand and foot by a celebrity?

Many people wouldn’t be averse to the idea. Quite how willing the celebrity in question would be remains to be seen, as 11 Z-listers don the uniform of the trolley dolly and take to the skies in this knockout challenge.

Angellica Bell presents.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Lazytown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.00 The Owl 4.05 Hedz 4.35 Hider in the House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Mister Maker 9.20 Something Special – Out and About 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 FILM: Higher And Higher (1943) 12.00pm What Are You Like?

12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out of the Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up to the Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Behind Closed Doors 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: Taking Back Our Town (2001) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 International Football (x2) 12.30pm European Tour Weekly 1.00 Live European Tour Golf 5.00 International Football 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Premier League Snooker 1.00am Barclays Premier League World 1.30 Golf Night 3.30 Race World 4.30 The Rugby Club

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Bradley makes a play for Stacey.

Aren’t they married already?

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 The Planners are Coming New series looking at building planning processes. A disabled pensioner is shocked to discover that she has no legal right to stop the car garage behind her East London flat building and blocking her view.

8.30 Accidental Heroes Series documenting real-life stories of bravery and courage.

9.00 Crimewatch Update Kirsty Young, Rav Wilding, Matthew Amroliwala update the latest unsolved cases. No nightmares, now.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.45 FILM: American Beauty (1999) Starring Kevin Spacey, Annette Bening, Thora Birch, Wes Bentley, Mena Suvari. Drama examining the American nuclear family as a telesales operative becomes disillusioned with his existence.

12.40am Weatherview 12.45 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.15 Would Like to Meet Again 1.45 Countryfile 2.40 Cash in the Celebrity Attic 3.25 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz time. Innit?

6.30 MasterChef the Professionals The chefs must make two dishes in 50 minutes from the central ingredient of prawns.

7.00 Paralympics 2008: Games Today Clare Balding and Steve Cram introduce the action from Beijing’s Bird’s Nest stadium, where Britain’s David Weir continues his pursuit of Paralympic gold in the athletics.

8.00 The Restaurant The couples have now got the keys to their restaurants. Tonight, they discover what these keys will unlock for them.

Trouble and loads of work we’ll bet.

9.00 Mock the Week Two teams of comedians take a satirical swipe at the news and world events.

9.30 The Cup The team are on their way to the North and Midland’s Under 11’s Cup and Terry McConnell is hell bent on Bolton scout Geoff Hinchcliffe coming to Birmingham to run the rule over his lad Malky. But how does he pay Geoff’s expenses?

10.00 Never Mind the Buzzcocks See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 FILM: All Or Nothing (2001) Starring Timothy Spall. Gritty drama following a minicab driver.

1.25am How I Met Your Mother 2.05 Joins BBC News 4.00 The French Experience 2: 5-8 4.55 The French Experience 2, 9-10 5.25 Eurografters: France

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The factory workers are shocked to discover who the new supervisor is. Sally Webster? No, wrong soap factory.

7.30 Coastal Ways A portrait of popular Swanage Bay on the Dorset coast.

8.00 The Bill Tom Norris is on trial for the attempted rape of Paula and the murder of Vikki Miller. Outside the courtroom, his flatmate storms past Paula and accuses her of lying.

Her testimony begins to unravel.

Is there more to the story? Shouldn’t they have got to it before they started costing taxpayers money? Bah! 9.00 Fiddles, Cheats & Scams In the last episode of the series, Morland looks at the people who use motoring scams.

10.00 News at Ten; Weather 10.40 Customs UK The Gatwick baggage X-ray picks up something suspicious as it passes through Customs. A full bottle of shampoo?

11.10 Focus 11.40 Love and War More wartime love stories with Peter Williams.

12.10am Bingo Night Live 1.10 Motorsport UK 1.35 Nightwatch with Steve Scott 2.30 Loose Women 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Will and Grace 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 9.55 ER 10.55 Without a Trace 11.45 British Made 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.30 Will and Grace 1.55 FILM: Terror In A Texas Town (1958) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine with Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Hannah is concerned by how Sarah’s life has been taken over by the election, as well as her attitude towards Elliot. She’s not being a superficial model is she?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Chateau Monty Documentary series following Monty Waldin’s attempts to run a small vineyard.

8.30 The Great Italian Escape Sarah’s mother arrives, along with her chickens and her cat, and Sarah quickly gets her involved with the online organic shop. Eccentric mama.

9.00 The 9/11 Faker The story of Tania Head, one of the world’s most audacious fakers, who claimed that she survived the 9/11 attacks at the World Trade Center. Except, not.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the comedy panel show.

10.35 When Women Rule the World Reality series hosted by Steve Jones. Silly.

11.40 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong Comedian Alan Carr hosts an entertainment show.

12.30am The Shooting Party 1.00 4 Music: Ibiza Rocks with Sony Ericsson 1.25 4 Music: JD Set Presents New York Fund 1.40 FILM: Focus (2001) 3.25 Hidden Jews of Berlin 4.25 St Elsewhere 5.15 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home and Away Ric declines Matilda’s invitation to her leaving party. Larry falls off the wagon. Will you miss Mattie that much, Lazza?

6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela Strachan meets a gang of cheeky skunks.

7.00 Five News 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn examines the feats of science and engineering behind everyday life.

8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home and Garden See highlights.

9.00 Extraordinary People: The World’s Smallest Muscle Man This instalment profiles Aditya ‘Romeo’ Dev, a 20-year-old Indian man who stands at 2’9” tall and weighs just one and a half stone.

Despite Romeo’s diminutive stature, he has risen to international stardom as a bodybuilder and dancer.

10.00 FILM: The Replacement Killers (1998) Starring Chow Yun-Fat, Mira Sorvino. Action drama about an assassin who becomes a target when he fails to kill the son of a police officer. The hit man must run from the men sent to replace him.

11.45 The What in the World?

Quiz Two teams go head to head.

12.15am Quiz Call 4.00 Major League Soccer 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home and Away

6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 British Motocross Championship 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 10.00 Boots ’n’ All 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00pm Irish Greyhound Racing 12.30 International Football 2.00 Football 4.00 Total Rugby 4.30 Boots ’n’ All 5.30 The Rugby Club 7.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.30 LIVE Premier League Snooker 11.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five O 1.00am NFL: Total Access 2.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 2.30 Poker

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Kartmasters Grand Prix 10.00 British Motocross Championship 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Boots ’n’ All 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 Irish Greyhound Racing 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Pipeline Adventures 4.30 Live Pro40 League 10.00 Cricket: ICC Awards 2008 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.30am Irish Showjumping Premier Series 1.00 Premier League Snooker

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

Noon: Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Don’t Forget the Lyrics 6.00 Malcolm in the Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 FILM: Rocky II (1979) 12.15am Road Wars (x2) 1.40 Miami Uncovered

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 8.00 Don’t Tell the Bride 9.00 Your Identity for Sale 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Wrong Door 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Your Identity for Sale 12.45am Don’t Tell the Bride 1.40 The Wrong Door 2.10 The Real Hustle (x2) 3.10 Dog Borstal

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Fossil Detectives 8.00 Silbury: The Heart of The Hill 9.00 Casualty 1907 10.00 Blood and Guts: A History of Surgery 11.00 Maestro 12.30am BBC Four Sessions: Kronos String Quartet in Concert 1.30 Journeys from the Centre of the Earth 2.30 Fossil Detectives

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 CelebAir. See highlights. 8.00 The Fashion Show 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Secret Diary of a Call Girl (x2) 11.00 Entourage 11.30 FILM: Unbreakable (2000) 1.35am Katie & Peter

5.40pm Revisiting Brideshead 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Revisiting Brideshead 6.55 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.55 The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 PD James: Taste for Death 10.00 PD James: An Unsuitable Job for a Woman 12.15am The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes 1.20 Maigret

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 Crowned 11.30 Sunset Tan 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Gilmore Girls

4.30pm Location, Location, Location 5.35 Kirstie and Phil’s Property Guide 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Without a Trace (x2) 12.00am 9/11: The Miracle of Stairway B

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 Criminal Minds 3.00 Blood Ties 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will and Grace (x2) 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

6.20pm The Good Life 7.00 Last of the Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 Some Mothers do ‘Ave ‘Em 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 French and Saunders 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 The Worst Week of My Life 12.20am Shark 1.20 Shark 2.05 Baywatch 2.50 Icons 2.55 Baywatch

4.00pm The King of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex and the City (x2) 11.10 Not Going Out 11.50 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 12.50am Celebrity Death Match (x2)

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story (x2) 10.00 9/11: The Falling Man 11.30 New Series Preview: Autumn Line-Up 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA: Body of Evidence

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium 9.00 Tin Man 10.50 FILM: Locusts (2005) 12.30am FILM: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein (1994) 3.00 Angel 4.00 The Lost World

2.30pm White Savage (1943) 4.00 It Came From Outer Space (1953) 5.30 The Old Dark House (1963) 7.00 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 9.00 The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1965) 10.55 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 1.05am Hail The Conquering Hero (1944) 2.55 Cool Hand Luke (1967)

11.20am Man’s New Best Friend 11.50 Isolation (2005) 1.30pm New Police Story (2004) 3.35 Fire (1996) 5.30 Water (2005) 7.30 35mm 8.00 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 10.00 Brotherhood (2004) 12.30am Suicide Kings (1997) 2.20 China’s Hollywood

1.00pm There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 3.20 Great Expectations (1946) 5.40 The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957) Alec Guiness in wartime classic. 8.50 Pineapple Express Special 9.00 How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003) 11.15 Another48Hrs(1990)1.10am The Dreamers (2002)

7.25am Never Let Me Go (1953) 9.00 Lady L (1965) 11.00 The Fountainhead (1949) 1.00pm Ninotchka (1939) 3.00 Beau Brummell (1954) 5.00 Guns For San Sebastian (1968) 7.10 Hearts Of The West (1975) 9.00 Get Carter (1971) 11.05 Shoot The Moon (1982) 1.20am The Strawberry Statement (1970)

Classics

Indie

040_LS389_TV_Fri

9/4/08

3:44 PM

Page 1

friday 12 End of Cheap Flights?: Tonight ITV1, 8pm With cheapo flight companies folding and carbon footprinting scaring everyone back into their caravans, is it the end of cheap flights? Martin Lewis finds out if the answer’s more ‘not on your nelly’ or ‘you better believe it Buster’. Plus, how to get the best deal on a family holiday.

Big Brother: What the Housemates Did Next Channel 4, 10pm Getting BB withdrawal a week after the final opportunity for anyone to swear live in the house? You may have thought you had your habit under control but those twitches give you away. Feast as cameras follow the BB9 housemates as they return to their home towns.

Dawn Gets a Baby BBC3, 9pm Journalist Dawn Porter continues in her series of explorations of the world she finds herself in with an investigation into childbirth. Not only is she terrified of the pain but she’s also scared of the state her body might be left in afterwards. To find out the answers she gets on the case of the experts – doctors and mums.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Lazytown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Uncle Max 4.00 The Owl 4.05 Hedz 4.35 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Mister Maker 9.20 Something Special – Out and About 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.50 Pingu 10.00 In the Night Garden 10.30 Coast 10.35 FILM: The Magnificent Ambersons (1942) 12.00pm What Are You Like?

12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out of the Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up to the Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News 11.20 Meridian News and Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Behind Closed Doors 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home and Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: Family Sins (2004) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News 6.30 South East Today; Weather 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question of Sport Fast-paced entertaining sports quiz.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders There’s excitement amongst the Jacksons as they welcome Tony home – but is he all that he seems? Probably not, if you believe the tabloid cheats.

8.30 DIY SOS Nick Knowles and the DIY SOS team are in Essex to help the Taylor family by turning the garage into a bathroom in five days.

9.00 Harry and Paul Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse are back with a whole new sketch show.

9.30 The Armstrong and Miller Show Sketch show.

10.00 BBC News 10.25 South East Today; Weather 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross Jonathan is joined by comedian and actor Steve Coogan, whilst legendary musician Stevie Wonder makes a rare TV appearance.

11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: Species (1995) Starring Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Alfred Molina, Forest Whitaker Natasha Henstridge. Sci-fi horror.

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: SuperDoctors 2.30 Street Doctor 3.00 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Friday quiz-time.

6.30 MasterChef the Professionals It’s the quarter finals, and the four winning chefs from the week’s heats have to cook two courses of their own design for restaurant critics Jay Rayner, William Sitwell and Andy Hayler.

7.00 Paralympics 2008: Games Today Clare Balding and Steve Cram present the action from Beijing.

8.00 Mastermind Tonight’s subjects are Billy the Kid, The Great Western Railway, the short stories of Saki and the films of John Carpenter.

8.30 Gardeners’ World New presenter Toby Buckland goes back to basics with some no frills, hands-on gardening as he tackles all those September gardening jobs brought on by the wet summer weather.

9.00 The Tudors Anne revives Henry’s passion for her, but as one rival for his heart departs another appears. S’magic.

10.00 QI Stephen Fry chairs the almost impossible quiz. Panellists are Alan Davies, Sean Lock, Linda Smith and Clive Anderson.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Mercury Prize 2008 A chance to see all the action from the 2008 Mercury Prize.

12.35am FILM: Saturn 3 (1980) 2.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 3.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Discovering that Andy has hit Jo, Debbie fears for her daughter’s safety.

7.30 Coronation Street Dev takes his frustrations out on Amber. Bad move. Doesn’t he realise that she’s the cool one now and he’s the needy single-parent mistress?

8.00 End of Cheap Flights?: Tonight See highlights.

8.30 Coronation Street Teresa doles out some rough justice on Mel’s behalf. Bosh bash, nuff said.

9.00 Wire in the Blood When the dissected remains of a human are found in a torched suitcase on a patch of wasteland, Dr Tony Hill is called in to assist DI Alex Fielding with the case, and together they investigate the possibility that the young Kurdish woman was the victim of an honour killing.

10.00 Al Murray’s Happy Hour The bar is open once again. Tonight’s clientele include Phil Collins, and Life on Mars star Philip Glenister. Plus, live music from New Kids on the Block. Proper pub music.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.45 Bingo Night Live 12.45am Nightwatch with Steve Scott: Crime 1.40 FILM: Kaleidoscope (1966) 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.30 Will and Grace 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 9.55 ER 10.55 Without a Trace 11.45 British Made 12.00pm News at Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 2.55 A Place in the Sun 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine with Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sarah is perturbed to hear that Zoe is going to be filming an interview with Hannah, Zak and Elliot for the HCC student channel.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Pussies Galore Filmmaker Ceri Whitby follows three women who are utterly devoted to their feline pets.

8.00 A Place in the Sun: Home or Away Elliot and Alexandra live in a flat above a Chinese restaurant in London, but are desperate to move to a more rural location ahead of the birth of their first child. Will they stay in the UK by moving to Hertfordshire, or begin a new life in Spain?

Preggers in the heat. Hmm. 9.00 Ugly Betty Betty’s new perfume drives Henry wild and Betty crazy.

Meade matriarch Claire goes on the stand for Fey’s murder.

10.00 Big Brother: What the Housemates Did Next See highlights.

11.05 Omid Djalili – No Agenda Comedian Omid Djalili performs a concert at the London Palladium.

12.10am T-Mobile Transmission 1.10 4 Music: 4Play: Emiliana Torrini 1.20 Orange Rockcorps 1.35 JD Set Presents Air Traffic 1.45 Dangerous Jobs for Girls 2.45 Goalissimo!

3.35 British Triathlon Grand Prix 2008 4.30 Trans World Sport 5.25 Countdown

6.00am Trans World Sport 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Rugby League 11.00 TBA 1.00pm Live European Tour Golf 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.00 Off the Bar 7.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night Prizefighter 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.00am Off the Bar 12.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.00 Friday Fight Night: Prizefighter 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Off the Bar 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 Home and Away Axel is admitted to hospital. Jai escapes the accident unscathed. Will Larry turn himself in? Aden discovers his father’s terrible secret. He’s a secret lemonade drinker?

6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Vets wonder whether a bald eagle will ever be able to fly again after being electrocuted. So does the bald eagle.

7.00 Five News 7.30 The What in the World? Quiz Two teams go head to head over scientific questions and challenges.

8.00 Behind Closed Doors Charlie Luxton descends into a rarely opened World War Two bunker in London.

9.00 NCIS Gibbs and the team try to find the mystery sender of a set of eyeballs that are mailed to an officer’s home. Did they not include the right postage?

10.00 Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Detectives are stunned to discover that a teenage boy is responsible for the murder of his young neighbour. The case takes a twist when evidence emerges that the boy lied about his motives.

11.00 Law and Order When a jewellery store is robbed, the team tracks down a civic-minded witness, who then vanishes before the trial.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.30 Game Ranger Diaries 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home and Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 Race World 11.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 12.00pm The Rugby Club 1.00 Live European Tour Golf 5.00 NFL 6.00 Gillette World Sport 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 Super League 10.00 Golf Night 12.00am Super League 2.00 Big League Weekend 3.00 Off the Bar 3.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.00 Tight Lines 5.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Pipeline Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Pipeline Adventures 9.30 Race World 10.30 Irish Showjumping Premier Series 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Race World 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 Pipeline Adventures 2.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 3.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Sportnation 2008 8.00 Off the Bar 8.30 Big League Weekend 9.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Rugby Union: Currie Cup 3.00 Gillette World Sport 3.30 Super League 5.30 Live Rugby Union Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Malcolm in the Middle (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 10.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 11.00 Inside...

12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.30 Miami Uncovered

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 8.00 Spendaholics 9.00 Dawn Gets a Baby. See highlights. 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11.00 Two Pints of Lager Outtakes 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am The Wrong Door 12.45 How Not to Live Your Life 1.15 Two Pints of Lager (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Voice 8.30 Cambridge Folk Festival 2008: Seth Lakeman Plus Noah and the Whale 9.00 Legends: Humphrey Lyttelton 10.00 Humph’s Last Stand 10.50 Life on Mars 11.50 The Avengers 12.40am Legends: Humphrey Lyttelton 1.40 Humph’s Last Stand

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 The X Factor 8.00 Xtra Factor 9.00 FILM: Unbreakable (2000) 11.10 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 11.40 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 12.40am Coronation Street (x2) 1.40 Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie III

2.55pm Maigret 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 Revisiting Brideshead 6.50 Film File 7.00 The Wonder Years (x2) 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 PD James: Taste for Death (x2) 12.00am Inspector Wexford: No More Dying Then 2.00 Maigret

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Wife Swap 10.00 Wife Swap: The Aftermath 10.30 FILM: The Business (2005) 12.30am Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Gilmore Girls

5.35pm Kirstie and Phil’s Property Guide 6.05 Deal or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show with Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Ride With The Devil (1999) 11.40 Sex in the Noughties: The Sex Blog Girls 12.45am Live from Abbey Road 1.50 All You Need is Love

2.00pm Criminal Minds 3.00 Blood Ties 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will and Grace (x2) 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Nothing to Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm One Foot in the Grave 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last of the Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 Some Mothers do ’Ave ’Em 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 French and Saunders 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 I’m Alan Partridge 12.20am Shark (x2) 2.10 Baywatch

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two and a Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.30 The Sarah Silverman Programme 10.00 Sex and the City 10.35 Sex and the City 11.10 Not Going Out 11.50 Stacked (x2) 12.50am Celebrity Death Match

4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 Deranged Killers 10.00 A Haunting 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA: Body of Evidence 1.00 Crime Scene Australia

11.00am Thunderbirds 12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Firefly 2.00 Firefly 3.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Firefly (x2) 8.00 Medium 9.00 Heroes (x2) 11.00 FILM: Deadly Water (2006) 12.40am FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 2.30 Heroes: The Phenomenon

12.40pm Look Back In Anger (1958) 2.30 Barefoot In The Park (1967) 4.30 Safety Last (1923) 6.00 Phantom Of The Opera (1962) 7.30 War Of The Worlds (1953) 9.00 Samson And Delilah (1949) 11.10 Look Back In Anger (1958) 12.55am Barefoot In The Park (1967)

12.20pm Hollywoodland (2006) 2.30 Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 4.20 Ten Canoes (2006) 6.00 Better Luck Tomorrow (2003) 7.50 Hollywoodland (2006) 10.00 Rushmore (1998) 11.40 Them (2005) 1.05am Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 2.55 The Road To Wellville (1994)

1.00pm Special Inspector 2.25 The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957) 5.35 The Mark Of Zorro (1974) 7.05 The Lost World (1960) 9.00 Just Married (2003) 10.55 Pineapple Express Special 11.05 Hostage (2005) 1.15am Wolf Creek (2004) Horror set in Australia set to put you off backpacking for life.

7.30am Cairo (1963) 9.00 Beau Brummell (1954) 11.00 Grand Hotel (1932) 1.00pm Clash By Night (1952) 3.00 The Searchers (1956) 5.05 The Yellow Rolls-Royce (1965) 7.15 Soylent Green (1972) 9.00 The Jazz Singer (1980) 11.10 The Outfit (1973) 1.05am The Gypsy Moths (1969) 3.00 Mildred Pierce (1945)

Classics

Indie

041_LS389_TV_Sat

9/4/08

4:14 PM

Page 1

saturday 13 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Channel 5, 7.05pm Robson Green attempts to land some of the world’s wildest sea creatures. With the price of fish going up, you might want some tips… Robson heads to the Deep South of the US to try ‘catfish grabbling’. This perilous sport involves catching giant catfish without using rods. Blimey.

Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal BBC2, 10.10pm Catch the brilliant host of BBC2’s Mock the Week on the final date from his sell-out 100 date tour of the UK and Ireland. Recorded in front of 2,500 fans at London’s Theatre Royal, this show displays Dara at his quick thinking best.

The DVD is out in November, so enjoy now for free!

Legends: Humphrey Lyttelton BBC4, 11pm A profile of the late jazz musician, and broadcaster. Louis Armstrong described him as Britain’s top trumpeter, but he was equally well-known for the BBC’s most successful radio shows, including Radio 2’s Best of Jazz and the hugely popular Radio 4’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Masterchef The Professionals 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Paralympics 2008 4.30 Final Score 5.30 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 8.00 Best Of Friends 8.30 Secret Show 8.45 Secret Show 8.55 Bernard 9.00 Hider In The House 10.00 Hot Rods 10.25 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 10.30 The Slammer 10.58 The Owl 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Eliot Kid 11.45 Sportsround 12.00pm Sound 12.30 Scene Stealers 1.00 Greek 1.45 Revealed 2.00 The Sky At Night 2.20 Animal Park 3.05 FILM: Disney’s The Kid (2000) 4.45 Murder, She Wrote 5.30 The Hairy Bakers 6.00 Coast Geographer Nicholas Crane presents a 13-part journey around the coast of the UK. 7.00 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom.

7.30 Maestro Clive Anderson presents the climax of the series as the winning student performs at Proms in the Park on the Last Night of the Proms.

8.00 BBC Proms 2008 Clive Anderson and Suzy Klein present live coverage from the Royal Albert Hall of the final BBC Proms concert.

9.10 Have I Got News For You Comedy quiz show with added celebs who better be smart enough to ride the comedy grilling from team captains Ian Hislop and Paul Merton.

9.40 Mock The Week A satirical swipe at the news and world events.

Dara O’Briain and co are joined by Ed Byrne and Stewart Francis.

10.10 Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal See highlights 11.10 Someone Else Drama about a north london 30-someting who dumps his girlfriend for another girl only to find she doesn’t want him. Aww… Serves him right.

12.45am FILM: During One Night (1961) World War II drama about a soldier desperate to lose his virginity after a friend is castrated on a mission. He absconds from his unit to pursue his aim.

2.10 Joins BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Captain Mack 9.40 Meg And Mog 9.45 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.00pm ITV News And Weather 12.05 Meridian News And Weather 12.10 F1: Italian Grand Prix Qualifying 2.30 Inspector Morse 4.30 Rosemary And Thyme

6.10am The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Goalissimo! 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 T-Mobile Transmission 9.20 Vodafone Live Music Awards 2008: Countdown 9.40 Friends 10.10 Bestival 2008 10.40 Vodafone Live Music Awards 2008: Countdown 11.00 Friends 11.30 The Hills 12.00pm Reaper 1.00 Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Supernanny US 4.55 Chateau Monty 5.25 The Great Italian Escape 5.55 Riddle Of The Human Hobbits

7.45 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.05 Little Princess 8.15 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 8.35 The Beeps 8.50 Fireman Sam 9.05 Rupert Bear 9.15 Animal Families 9.30 The Secret Of Eel Island 9.45 Funky Valley 10.00 Highland Emergency 10.30 Highland Emergency 11.00 The Ghosts Of The Mary Rose: Revealed 12.00pm Top Trumps 12.30 Megastructures 1.30 FILM: Kidnapped (1960) 3.20 FILM: Al Jennings Of Oklahoma (1951) 4.55 FILM: Major Dundee (1965) 7.05 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green See highlights.

8.00 Five News National and international news.

8.10 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. The team hunts a saboteur who causes a robotic vehicle to kill a Navy lieutenant and almost kill Abby.

Meanwhile, Ziva notices that Tony keeps visiting the hospital.

9.10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Another drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. The apparent suicide of a female freshman on a university campus brings Sara back in contact with an old nemesis.

10.10 Law and Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series that looks inside the minds of criminals as well as following the Major Case Squad’s investigations.

Detective Goren matches wits and moves with a paranoid but murderous chess grandmaster.

11.10 The FBI Files Documentary series charting the work of the FBI’s crime laboratory.

12.10am Quiz Call Interactive quiz 4.25 Game Ranger Diaries.

5.10 House Doctor.

5.35 House Doctor

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Big League Weekend 7.30 Off The Bar 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.15 BBC News National and international news; Weather.

6.25 Regional News and Weather 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing A chance to catch up with the glitz, the glamour, backstage preparation and gossip for this year’s show.

7.30 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles returns with a new series of the Saturday night National Lottery quiz.

8.20 Casualty A documentary crew capture more action than they bargained for when a teenager sets a terrifying chain of events in motion.

9.10 Last Night Of The Proms 2008 Clive Anderson presents live coverage from the Royal Albert Hall of the final BBC Proms concert.

10.30 BBC News National and international news, Weather.

10.50 Match Of The Day Manchester United take on Liverpool at Anfield. Manchester City face Chelsea at Eastlands, Blackburn v Arsenal, Fulham v Bolton, Newcastle v Hull, Portsmouth v Middlesbrough.

12.15am FILM: Graves End (2005) Thriller. A botched investigation returns to haunt an FBI agent as he is sent to the small town of Graves End, a haven for reformed prisoners, when the excons start mysteriously disappearing.

1.50 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.50 Weatherview 2.55 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian News And Weather Local news and weather..

6.15 ITV News And Weather News headlines, weather forecast.

6.30 The A-Z Of You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents more ‘hilarious‘ camcorder calamities.

7.30 The X Factor The X Factor audition tour arrives in Cardiff. I’m hoping Vanessa and Bryn from Gavin and Stacey will rock up and do their version of ‘Something Stupid’. Tidy.

8.30 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kay returns with a brand new series. Michelle Collins going head to head with Christopher ‘King of the Jungle’ Biggins.

9.15 Everybody Dance Now Fearne Cotton presents a nostalgic look back at the greatest dance crazes of all time. With performances from Jocelyn Brown, Whigfield, Signature, Jimmy Osmond and the cast of Grease.

10.15 FILM: Shakespeare In Love (1998) Starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Joseph Fiennes. Romantic comedy about a fictional relationship between William Shakespeare and a young woman.

11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.30 FILM: Shakespeare In Love 12.50am Bingo Night Live 1.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott.

2.50 FILM: Valdez Is Coming (1970).

4.20 ITV Nightscreen.

5.30 ITV Early Morning

7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.30 FILM: The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring (2001) Starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen.

Lavish adaptation of JRR Tolkien’s epic fantasy trilogy about a young hobbit who inherits a ring with dark powers and embarks upon a dangerous quest to destroy it.

10.50 Sex In The Noughties: The Sex Blog Girls Documentary charting the rise and fall of an online phenomenon. In 2004 there were 20 million blogs on the internet with a new one started every seven seconds. But the blogs that consistently attracted massive readerships were the anonymous, confessional sex diaries written by women: blogs such as Belle De Jour, and The Girl with a One-Track Mind.

11.50 Bestival 2008 Highlights from the headlining acts at this year’s Bestival, including Amy Winehouse, Sam Sparro and Hot Chip.That’s banking on Ms Winehouse turning up. Go on Amy have a herbal…tea 12.55am 4 Music: Bestival 2008 The highlights continue, alongside backstage chatter as the stars wrap up the festival season for the summer.

1.55 FILM: Antwone Fisher (2002).

3.50 FILM: Suzanne’s Diary For Nicholas (2005).

5.15 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sportnation 2008 7.00 Friday Fight Night: Prizefighter 10.00 World Sport 10.30 LIVE TriNations Rugby Union 1.00pm America’s Game 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Ryder Cup Wales: Waiting In The Wings 6.30 LIVE Super League 8.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 Super League 1.00am Premiership Rugby Union 3.00 Ryder Cup Wales: Waiting In The Wings 3.30 NFL: Total Access 4.30 Max Power 5.30 Wild Spirits

Sky Sports 3 7.30am LIVE Rugby Union 9.30 Sportnation 2008 10.30 WWE Smackdown 12.30pm LIVE European Tour Golf 4.30 Ryder Cup Wales: Waiting In The Wings 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 LIVE Speedway 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Speedway: Polish Grand Prix 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Pipeline Adventures

Alsion Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

3.00pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 4.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 5.00 Futurama 5.30 American Gladiators 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 UK Border Force 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 10.00 Road Wars (x2) 12.00am Prison Break 1.00 Street Wars 1.50 The Villa 2.40 Mile High

7.00pm Football Gaffes Galore 7.10 The Real Hustle (x2) 8.10 Pranks Galore! 9.10 The Most Annoying Pop Songs...We Hate To Love 11.40 Family Guy (x2) 12.25am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.25 The Wrong Door 1.55 Spooks: Code 9 2.45 The Real Hustle (x2)

7.00pm Fossil Detectives 7.30 Last Night Of The Proms: Swansea Prom In The Park 10.30 I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue 11.00 Legends: Humphrey Lyttelton 12.00am Humph’s Last Stand 12.50 Gagging For It: TV’s Hunger For Radio Comedy 1.50 Fossil Detectives 2.20 Legends: Humphrey Lyttelton

3.45pm Sugababes: The Hot Desk 4.00 ITV At The Movies 4.30 Xtra Factor 5.30 The Fashion Show 6.30 CelebAir 7.30 Kids Do The Funniest Things 8.30 Xtra Factor 9.30 FILM: The Neverending Story (1984) 11.20 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 11.50 The X Factor (x2) 1.50 Entourage 2.20 The Fashion Show

12.00pm The Wonder Years 12.25 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.30 PD James: A Mind To Murder 3.45 FILM: Frankie And Johnny (1966) 5.20 Cadfael 7.00 Inspector Morse 9.00 Taggart 10.30 FILM: Agatha (1979) 12.30am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.30 PD James 2.25 Cagney And Lacey (x2)

1.35pm Gilmore Girls 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Wife Swap 7.00 Supernanny US 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Big Brother: What The Housemates Did Next 10.05 Lucas And Walliams’ Perfect Night In 12.15am FILM: The Business (2005) 2.05 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.35 Switched

9.00am Time Team (x4) 1.10 FILM: Escape To Victory (1981) 3.30 3 Minute Wonder (x2) 3.40 Property Ladder (x5) 9.10 The 9/11 Faker 10.15 The 9/11 Hotel 11.20 The West Wing 12.20am The 9/11 Faker 1.25 The 9/11 Hotel 2.30 Close

3.00pm FILM: The Karate Kid Part II (1986) 5.20 Will And Grace 5.50 The Fix 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 Grey’s Anatomy 10.00 Most Haunted 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Kath And Kim

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm 2point4 Children 3.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 4.20 Keeping Up Appearances 5.00 The Good Life 5.40 My Family 6.20 Open All Hours 7.00 Porridge 7.40 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 FILM: Philadelphia (1993) 11.30 Fawlty Towers 12.10am Doctor Who 1.10 Columbo 2.35 Icons

7.30pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x3) 9.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x7) 2.05am Linc’s 2.35 Sex And The City 3.10 Suburban Shootout 3.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 4.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 5.00 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film (x2) 5.10 Everybody Loves Raymond

9.00am Mythbusters 10.00 American Chopper (x2) 12.00pm The Great Egyptians (x2) 2.00 Unsolved History: Who Killed Tutankhamun? 3.00 Crime Museum UK With Martin Kemp (x2) 4.00 Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road 4.30 New Series Preview: Autumn Line-Up

12.05pm Thunderbirds 1.10 Thunderbirds 2.15 Quantum Leap (x2) 4.15 Firefly 5.15 Firefly 6.15 FILM: Locusts (2005) 8.00 Tin Man 9.50 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 11.40 FILM: Creature (2004) 1.40am FILM: Deadly Water (2006) 3.10 Star Trek 4.10 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994)

11.55am Road To Morocco (1942) 1.30pm Some Like It Hot (1959) 3.35 The Nutty Professor (1963) 5.35 The Lost Weekend (1945) 7.25 Requiem For A Heavyweight (1962) 9.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 11.20 Some Like It Hot (1959) 1.25am Holiday Inn (1942)

12.20pm Lemming (2005) 2.35 The Fountain (2006) 4.15 Nelly And Monsieur Arnaud (1995) 6.10 35mm 6.40 Tsotsi (2005) 8.20 Whatever Happened To Harold Smith? (1999) 10.00 Eyes Wide Shut (1999) 12.40am The Fountain (2006) 2.20 35mm 2.50 Lemming (2005)

1.00pm Bugsy Malone (1976) 2.55 Time Lock (1957) 4.25 Joe Wright On David Lean 4.30 Oliver Twist (1948) 6.50 Mighty Joe Young (1998) 9.00 Brokeback Mountain (2004) 11.35 KM31 (2007) 1.35am Final Cut (2004) 3.35 Close

9.00am In Our Time (1944) 11.05 Light In The Piazza (1962) 1.00pm Waterloo Bridge (1940) 3.00 Elvis On Tour (1972) 4.40 The Brothers Karamazov (1958) 7.10 The Walking Stick (1970) 9.00 Dead Calm (1989) 10.45 Victor/Victoria (1982) 1.35am All Fall Down (1962) 3.30 Anna Christie (1930)

Classics

Indie

042_LS389_TVSun

9/5/08

12:45 PM

Page 1

sunday 14 Tess Of The D’Urbervilles BBC1, 9pm Oh you can tell autumn is kicking in as the classic series season bounces up on your Sunday night viewing screen. In case you were asleep during English literature at school, this adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s novel explores love, betrayal and the emotional burden of secrets locked away.

Part one of four starts tonight.

Bring Back Star Wars Channel 4, 9pm Justin Lee Collins attempts to track down and reunite the biggest names from the cast of the original Star Wars trilogy, including Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Peter Mayhew, Kenny Baker and David Prowse. This was space opera at its most fabulous. But will Vader reveal himself?

Coronation Street Omnibus ITV2, 3.40pm It’s been another hot week on the cobbles and the ginger-whinger is back with John the overgrownboy/ex-teacher with a weakness for girls in school uniform – particularly his own pupils. Ah well, that Rosie Webster isn’t going to let a Fiz get away with being happy, oh no! Make way for the slapfest.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Life 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 EastEnders 2.55 Sarah Jane Adventures 3.50 Diagnosis Murder 4.35 Songs Of Praise 5.10 BBC News 5.30 Strictly Come Dancing

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 8.00 Mona The Vampire 8.13 The Owl 8.15 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.35 Stupid 9.00 SMart 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Animal Park 12.00pm Rugby League World 1.00 Paralympics 2008 4.45 Earth: The Climate War 5.45 Dragons’ Den

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Planet Sketch 9.50 The Championship 10.50 The X Factor 11.50 ITV News And Weather 11.55 Meridian News And Weather 12.00pm F1: Italian Grand Prix 3.10 FILM: Police Academy 3: Back In Training (1986) 4.45 All Star Family Fortunes 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.45 MotoGP 8.00 Charley Boorman: Ireland To Sydney By Any Means The adventurer continues his most daring journey so far, putting his newly-learnt sailing skills to use and successfully crossing the tempestuous English Channel in a sailing dinghy.

9.00 Earth: The Climate Wars Dr Iain Stewart investigates the counter attack that was launched by the global warming sceptics in the 1990s.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 10.45 Russell Brand On The Road Russell Brand sets out across America’s vast heartland in homage to one of his literary heroes, Jack Kerouac and his classic novel, On The Road, which turns 50 this year and has inspired countless hipsters and restless souls to hit the road. Russell read the book when he was nineteen and was excited by the sense of magic and possibility it conjured up. He sets off on his own coast-to-coast adventure.

11.45 Someone Else Drama about a man who leaves his girlfriend for another woman, only to find she doesn’t want him.

1.00am FILM: That’s Your Funeral (1972) Chaotic comedy 2.20 Joins BBC News 4.40 Sports Unsung Heroes 5.10 Super League Show

6.00 Country Lives Chris Beardshaw meets people who share a passion for their local countryside.

6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents the comedy clip show.

7.00 For One Night Only Joan Rivers and Vernon Kay host a new series of variety shows, tonight featuring an exclusive performance of Boyzone’s new single. Plus comedy from Michael McIntyre, West End glamour from the cast of Jersey Boys.

8.00 Heartbeat An ageing pop manager returns to the village to marry his young starlet, but when he is found dead, foul play is suspected – but who would murder a dying man?

9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot Mrs McGinty is found dead in her home and her lodger James Bentley is arrested and convicted for her murder. It looks like an open and shut case, but Superintendent Spence is not convinced.

11.00 ITV News and Weather News, weather forecast.

11.15 F1: Italian Grand Prix Highlights Steve Rider presents the best of the action from Monza.

12.15am Faith In The Frame Melvyn Bragg chairs a discussion on the religious themes and relevance of ten of the world’s most fascinating religious pictures.

12.45 It’s My Life 1.35 60 Minute Makeover.

2.25 Moving Day x2

6.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 7.00 The Save-Ums! 7.15 Thomas & Friends 7.25 Franny’s Feet 7.40 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.55 Little Princess 8.10 Miss Spider’s Sunny Patch Friends 8.25 The Beeps 8.40 Fireman Sam 8.55 Rupert Bear 9.10 Animal Families 9.30 George Shrinks 10.00 Fifth Gear 11.00 Who Really Killed Jesus? 12.00pm Behind Closed Doors 1.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 2.00 FILM: The Clouded Yellow (1951) 3.45 FILM: Accidental Hero (1992) 5.55 Five News 6.05 FILM: Where Eagles Dare (1969) Starring Richard Burton, Clint Eastwood. All-action World War II espionage thriller about an elite commando group who are dispatched to rescue an American general held by the Nazis in a castle fortress in the Bavarian Alps. From the moment they parachute behind enemy lines, however, it becomes apparent that they face not only the might of the German army, but also a traitor in their midst. Scripted by Alistair MacLean from his bestselling novel.

9.00 FILM: Ronin (1998) Starring Robert De Niro, Jean Reno. Action thriller about an American mercenary who is enlisted as part of an international team to steal a wellprotected briefcase before it is sold on to the Russians. The job is planned with meticulous detail, and the team is kept in the dark as to its contents. But it soon becomes apparent that someone in their midst has an agenda of their own when, after the heist, they discover that the briefcase has been switched.

11.35 Banged Up Abroad Drama-documentary series telling the gripping real-life stories of travellers who find themselves incarcerated overseas.

12.50am Major League Baseball 4.20 Boxing: 5.10 House Doctor x2

6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.00 Spanish Football

6.30 After You’ve Gone Sitcom Jimmy feels threatened when his ex-wife’s new boyfriend visits.

7.00 Antiques Roadshow 8.00 Casualty When the ED gang finds some disturbing video footage that explains Tess’s disappearance, Charlie leads the search to find her – but things quickly turn nasty out on the hostile Farmead estate. Adam corners Jessica into giving him her decision, but is left reeling by her response.

9.00 Tess Of The D’Urbervilles See highlights 10.00 BBC News National and international news, Weather.

10.20 FILM: Legends Of The Fall (1995) Starring Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins. Sweeping epic about three sons raised on a Montana ranch by their father, a colonel who has turned his back on the army after the Indian Wars. Though the destinies of the boys are very different, two forces impact on each of their lives - the Great War in Europe and the love of a young woman. The action ranges from majestic Montana to the battlefields of Europe 12.25am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast.

12.30 Sign Zone: Pacific Abyss 1.30 Holby City 2.25 The Planners Are Coming 2.55 A Number.

4.05 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 4.50 Joins BBC News

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 Trans World Sport 7.25 Southampton Boat Show 7.55 The Highlander Challenge World Championship 8.50 Friends 9.25 Orange Rockcorps 9.40 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.10pm Big Brother: What The Housemates Did Next 1.20 Vodafone Live Music Awards 2008: Countdown 1.35 Ugly Betty 2.35 Vodafone Live Music Awards 2008: Countdown 2.50 When Women Rule The World 3.55 The Simpsons 4.25 The Simpsons 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 Deadliest Catch 6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.00 The Sculpture Diaries Waldemar Januszczak presents a definitive account of his favourite artform, sculpture. He travels the globe to see the most spectacular sculptural locations. Waldemar takes a road trip across North and South America to look at the landscape sculpture, including the Spiral Jetty and the Sun Tunnels in the USA and the ancient Inca settlement in Peru.

8.00 Wife Swap A gay dad swaps lives with a housewife who has some very traditional political views.

9.00 Bring Back Star Wars See highlights.

10.40 FILM: Equilibrium (2002) Starring Sean Bean, Emily Watson, Taye Diggs, Christian Bale and Dominic Purcell. Futuristic action drama. Following the Third World War, emotions are outlawed and rigorous enforcers called Clerics hunt down offenders and execute them.

When his wife and partner die, one of the clerics joins the resistance movement and attacks the system that had employed him.

12.35am Back To You Sitcom starring sitcom veterans Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton x 2 1.35 FILM: The Guru (2001) 4.20 Dispatches 5.15 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Max Power 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Super League 9.30 Speedway 12.30pm Live European Tour Golf 4.30 NFL: Total Access 5.30 NFL: Who Is? 6.00 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am NFL: Top Ten 1.30 Live NFL 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Ryder Cup Wales - Waiting In The Wings 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Ryder Cup Wales - Waiting In The Wings 12.30 Live Pro40 League 6.00 Gillette World Sport 6.30 WWE Experience 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 Tennis: Fed Cup Final 11.30 Golf Night 1.30am Gillette World Sport 2.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Futurama (x2) 2.00 Bones 3.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 7.00 Noel’s HQ 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) 11.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Street Wars 1.55 Road Wars Half Hours

7.00pm FILM: National Treasure (2004) 9.00 Massive (x2) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.45 How Not To Live Your Life 12.15am The Wrong Door 12.45 Massive (x2) 1.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 2.45 How Not To Live Your Life

7.00pm 21st Century Bach 7.15 FILM: The Candidate (1972) 9.00 How To Be A Good President 10.00 FILM: Primary Colors (1998) 12.15am Call The Cops 12.45 How To Be A Good President 1.45 The Real Life On Mars 2.45 Call The Cops (x2) 4.15 Close

1.50pm FILM: The Neverending Story (1984) 3.40 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.00 The X Factor 7.00 The Fashion Show 8.00 Xtra Factor 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl (x2) 11.00 CelebAir 12.00am Entourage 12.35 Xtra Factor 1.30 Teleshopping

4.50pm PD James: A Mind To Murder 7.00 Dempsey And Makepeace 8.00 Rising Damp 8.35 Celebrating... The South Bank Show (x2) 9.30 PD James: Taste For Death 10.40 PD James: Taste For Death 11.45 Profiling PD James 12.50am Dempsey And Makepeace 1.40 FILM: Blue Smoke (2007)

12.25pm Roswell (x2) 2.10 Smallville (x2) 4.00 Friends (x2) 5.00 Ghost Whisperer 6.00 Crowned 7.00 Friends (x2) 8.00 Ugly Betty 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.25 Shameless 12.35am Dark Angel (x2) 2.15 Roswell (x2) 3.40 Switched (x3) 5.00 Anything Goes

1.10pm A Place In The Sun 1.45 The Coach Trip (x5) 4.30 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 Medicine Men Go Wild 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.15am Trigger Happy TV 12.45 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

3.20pm Will And Grace 3.50 The Fix 4.00 Extreme: Celebrity Skinny Mums 2 5.00 Exposed: Girls Aloud 6.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 7.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Kath And Kim (x2)

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.40pm Open All Hours 4.20 Porridge 5.00 Only Fools And Horses 6.20 Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em 7.00 The Thin Blue Line 7.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.40 Jonathan Creek 11.00 FILM: Carry On Emmanuelle (1978) 12.45am Doctor Who

9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x24) 9.00pm Scrubs 9.30 The Sarah Silverman Programme 10.00 Sex And The City (x8) 2.40 The Frank Skinner Show 3.40 Sexy Cam 4.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 5.00 Sir Leslie Quint: A Life In Film (x2) 5.10 Everybody Loves Raymond

12.00pm Unsolved History (x2) 2.00 The Baby Mammoth 3.00 Dinosaurs: Return To Life 4.00 American Chopper 5.00 Chasing Churchill 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Colossal Squid 8.00 Days That Shook The World 9.00 FILM: Schindler’s List (1993) 12.30am Days That Shook The World

12.10pm FILM: Big (1988) 2.00 FILM: Flash Gordon (1980) 4.10 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 5.50 Thunderbirds (x2) 8.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 9.50 Heroes 10.50 Heroes 11.50 FILM: Larva (2004) 1.40am Star Trek 3.00 Tin Man 4.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004)

2.05pm It Came From Outer Space (1953) 3.30 Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 5.50 Sorry Wrong Number (1948) 7.30 The Desert Rats (1953) 9.00 Castle Keep (1969) 10.50 Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 1.05am Billion Dollar Brain (1967)

9.00am Water (2005) 10.55 Days Of Glory (2005) 1.00pm The Proposition (1998) 2.55 Shooting Fish (1997) 4.50 The Castle (1998) 6.20 Still Crazy (1998) 8.00 Infamous (2006) 10.00 Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead (1995) 12.00am The Proposition (1998)

1.00pm The First Wives Club (1996) 3.00 Passionate Friends (1948) 4.50 Geronimo (1962) 6.55 Pineapple Express Special 7.00 The Wedding Planner (2001) 9.00 Sleepy Hollow (1999) 11.00 Twisted (2004) 12.55am Kagemusha (1980) 4.00 Close

10.45am The White Cliffs Of Dover (1944) 1.00pm Dark Victory (1939) 3.00 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 4.55 Never So Few (1959) 7.15 The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 9.00 Falling In Love (1984) 11.00 The Dirty Dozen (1967) 1.40am Alex In Wonderland (1970) 3.40 Black Legion (1937)

Classics

Indie

043_LS389_TVMon

9/5/08

12:42 PM

Page 1

monday 15 EastEnders BBC1, 8pm Racey Stacey’s up to her old tricks as her wardrobe competes for the the Pat Butcher wannabe award of the year. Meanwhile, Whitney lands the lead role in the school play but how will Tony take the news? While Callum attempts to influence Danielle, Bradley has plans of his own for Stacey. Well, dream on boy…

Dispatches: What’s In Your Wine?

Channel 4, 8pm Jane Moore investigates the recent wine scandals in Italy, France and South Africa which have tarnished the image of the industry, and reveals how hard it is to be sure a bottle of wine is good value for money. This is going to sober you up if you care about drinking.

President Hollywood BBC4, 9pm Jonathan Freedland reveals how 2008’s race for the White House has been run before on The West Wing in a non-white Democrat called Matt Santos and an experienced Republican, Arnold Vinick (Obama and McCain).

Freedland agues the relationship between onscreen art and political life is nothing new.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Open House 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.30 South East Today; Weather 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Lazytown 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 Eliot Kid 4.03 The Owl 4.05 Get 100 4.30 Bernard 4.35 Grange Hill 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

8.30 Bob The Builder 8.45 Boogie Beebies 9.00 Mister Maker 9.20 Something Special: Out And About 9.40 Little Red Tractor 9.55 Pingu 10.00 In The Night Garden 10.30 Big Barn Farm 10.45 Get Squiggling 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Primary Geography: A Village In Bangladesh 11.20 Big Slam Poetry 11.40 China Stories 12.00pm The Daily Politics 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Step Up To The Plate 5.15 Wanted Down Under 6.00 Eggheads 6.30 Masterchef The Professionals 7.00 Paralympics 2008 8.00 University Challenge University of Southampton do battle with the University of Brighton. Up the home team!

8.30 What To Eat Now 9.00 Amazon With Bruce Parry Bruce Parry begins an epic adventure in the Amazon following the river from source to sea.

10.00 Harry and Paul Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse are back with a whole new range of characters in a new series of their sketch show.

10.30 Newsnight The stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Today At Conference Highlights from the Liberal Democrat Party Conference.

11.50 Three Men In A Boat Griff Rhys Jones, Dara O’Briain, Rory McGrath and a nervous dog called Loli set out from Kingston in a wooden skiff in an attempt to re-trace the journey up the Thames immortalised by Jerome K Jerome in Three Men in a Boat.

12.50am Ellery Queen Author and amateur detective Ellery Queen attempts to solve another murder.

1.40 Joins BBC News 4.00 Britain 1906-1918 5.00 Britain 1500-1750

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs (x2) 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.20 Will And Grace 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Frasier 9.50 ER 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 British Made 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Property Ladder 1.35 Supporting Acts 1.55 FILM: Waterloo Road (1944) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight Local news and weather.

6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather News headlines, weather.

7.00 Emmerdale Marlon feels uneasy when he sees Ross and Donna patch things up.

7.30 Coronation Street The street is stunned about Fiz and John’s relationship.

8.00 ‘Foxy Knoxy’ On Trial: Tonight On the eve of Amanda Knox’s pre-trial hearing, her parents speak exclusively about why she’s innocent of murdering Meredith Kercher.

8.30 Coronation Street Jerry’s loyalties are torn when Mel serves up justice to Teresa.

9.00 The Children As Emily’s petulant demands continue, those who are most affected by her need for care and attention begin to find the strain unbearable.

10.00 News At Ten and Weather News and weather.

10.35 FILM: Hard Target (1993) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme Martial arts adventure about a New Orleans merchant sailor who stumbles upon a deadly game in which groups of sadistic hunters pursue human prey.

12.35am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.55 Loose Women 2.45 Moving Day x 2

6.00 The Simpsons Homer has his jaw wired shut.

6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin wakes up on his wedding day and realises he must tell Carmel the truth about Nige.

7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 4Mations A selection of treats from the 4mations.tv online channel.

8.00 Dispatches: What’s In Your Wine? See highlights 9.00 The Price Of Property A fourpart series in which journalist Jon Henley embarks on a journey around the UK to discover how property ownership has changed the country.

10.00 FILM: Judge Dredd (1994) Starring Sylvester Stallone. Science fiction thriller about a law enforcer who is wrongly convicted of murder.

11.50 The Shooting Party Series following nine aspiring disabled film directors.

12.20am 4 Music: 4Play: The Making Of Monkey 4Play 12.35 4 Music: Orange Rockcorps 12.50 4 Music: 4Play: Series devoted to hot music talent.

1.05 FILM: Disco Pigs (2001) 2.40 Short films: Monsters.

2.55 From This Day 3.00 Gridlock And Road Rage 4.00 Living With Surveillance Series 4.05 Angry George Irons Short film 4.15 Tony Robinson’s Crime & Punishment

7.05 Roary The Racing Car 7.25 The Mr. Men Show 7.40 Make Way For Noddy 7.55 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.40 Roobarb And Custard Too 8.50 Pocoyo 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Law And Order: Criminal Intent 12.30pm Five News 12.45 House 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Picture Perfect Homes 3.05 Five News Update 3.10 FILM: The Wrong Girl (1999) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away There is a tragic death in Summer Bay. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Will Gilly the rescued seal put on weight so she can be released back to sea?

7.00 Five News National and international news.

7.30 Top Trumps Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines.

Based on the popular card game of the 1970s and 80s.

8.00 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show. Tom gets behind the wheel of the new Volksvagen Scirocco.

9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Robson Green embarks on a trip of colossal proportions that sees him attempting to land some of the wildest and most elusive sea creatures in the world.

10.00 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series about America’s notorious prisons.

11.05 FILM: Boogie Nights (1997) Starring Mark Wahlberg. Ambitious exploration of the porn industry in 1970s LA focusing on a film-maker and his close-knit coterie of performers and assistants. The star of the group is a youth with a remarkable asset that launches him on the road to success.

1.40am NFL American football.

4.50 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Golf: How The 1995 Ryder Cup Was Won 12.30pm Spanish Football 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Golf: How The 1997 Ryder Cup Was Won 6.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 7.30 Big League Weekend 9.00 Champions League Special 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 12.00am Champions League Special 1.30 LIVE NFL 5.00 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 5.30 Great Run Yorkshire

6.00 BBC News News and weather.

6.30 South East Today; Weather Local news and weather.

7.00 The One Show Stories from around the country.

7.30 My Family Domestic sitcom.

Susan is bored with her lot and opts to run her life as a single girl again.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News News bulletin from the BBC. 8.00 EastEnders See highlights 8.30 Panorama Panorama asks why no one has ever been convicted of the 1998 murder of 29 people and two unborn babies in Omagh 9.00 New Tricks Drama series.

When a serial dog killer starts stalking local parks, the team are forced into taking on the case.

10.00 BBC News National and international news.

10.25 South East Today; Weather Local news and weather..

10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The Dark Side Of Fame With Piers Morgan Series exploring the downside of fame.

11.20 FILM: Needful Things (1993) Supernatural thriller based on a novel

by Stephen King.

1.15am Autumnwatch Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? 2.20 Antiques Roadshow 3.20 The Cup Comedy series.

3.50 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 4.35 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 Ryder Cup Wales: Waiting In The Wings 10.30 NASCAR 1.00pm NFL GameDay 2.30 NFL: Top Ten 3.30 Ford Football Special 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 X-Adventures 6.00 NFL: Top Ten 7.00 Powerboating 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 10.00 Boxing 11.30 NFL GameDay 1.00am Golf: How The Ryder Cup Was Won 3.30 Powerboating 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Tennis: Fed Cup Final 2.00 Ryder Cup Wales: Waiting In The Wings 2.30 NASCAR 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 NFL GameDay 8.30 Ryder Cup Countdown 2008 9.00 Showjumping 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Hairspray: The School Musical 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 10.00 FILM: Rocky III (1982) 11.55 Road Wars (x2) 1.50am Miami Uncovered

7.00pm The Real Hustle (x2) 8.00 Freaky Eaters 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 The Wrong Door 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Massive (x2) 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am The Wrong Door 12.45 The Real Hustle (x2) 1.45 Massive (x2) 2.45 Your Identity For Sale 3.45 Don’t Tell The Bride 4.45 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 California: The Man In The Mansion 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 President Hollywood 10.00 Dinner With Portillo 10.30 I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue 11.00 Sleepers 11.55 More Dawn French’s Boys Who Do: Comedy 12.25am Only Connect 12.55 President Hollywood

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.20 The Montel Williams Show 6.05 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Airline USA 8.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am FILM: Sliver (1993) 1.55 Teleshopping

5.00pm Film File 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 The Wonder Years (x2) 7.55 Wycliffe 9.00 Profiling Ruth Rendell 10.00 George Baker: Wexford And Me 10.05 Inspector Wexford: Shake Hands Forever 12.20am Profiling Ruth Rendell 1.20 PD James: Shroud For A Nightingale

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 FILM: The Fifth Element (1997) 12.25am Scrubs (x2) 1.25 Gilmore Girls 2.15 Ghost Whisperer

5.35pm Kirstie And Phil’s Property Guide 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Britain’s Worst Weather 10.00 Grand Designs Revisited 11.05 Without A Trace 12.05am Britain’s Worst Weather 1.05 Grand Designs

3.00pm Blood Ties 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace 7.30 Will And Grace 7.55 The Fix 8.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 9.00 Living With... Jade 10.00 America’s Next Top Model 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Will And Grace

UK TV Gold

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm One Foot In The Grave 5.40 My Family 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Keeping Up Appearances 8.20 Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Porridge 10.20 The Good Life 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 I’m Alan Partridge 12.20am Shark (x2) 2.10 Baywatch

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 The King Of Queens 11.40 Two And A Half Men 12.10am Rules Of Engagement

2.30pm Crime Scene USA: Body Of Evidence 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper (x3) 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Unsolved Murders 12.30 Crime Scene USA

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium (x2) 10.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 11.50 FILM: Mary Reilly (1996) 1.50am Medium 3.00 Angel

8.05am Teacher’s Pet (1958) 10.10 A Foreign Affair (1948) 12.10pm Sabrina (1954) 2.05 Look Back In Anger (1958) 3.50 The Lady Eve (1941) 5.25 A Foreign Affair (1948) 7.25 The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) 9.00 Sabrina (1954) 11.00 Teacher’s Pet (1958) 1.05am The Killers (1964)

10.35am Friends With Money (2006) 12.10pm Brotherhood (2004) 2.40 Isolation (2005) 4.20 The Horseman On The Roof (1995) 6.40 Offside (2006) 8.20 Friends With Money (2006) 10.00 Running With Scissors (2006) 12.05am Ong-Bak (2004) 2.25 Running With Scissors (2006)

1.00pm The Left Hand Of God (1955) 2.45 There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 5.05 The Girl Can’t Help It (1956) 7.00 Ladies In Lavender (2004) 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) 11.40 Teaching Mrs Tingle (1999) 1.35am Prick Up Your Ears (1987) 3.50 Close

9.00am The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 10.55 The Charge Of The Light Brigade (1936) 1.00pm International Velvet (1978) 3.00 Hot Millions (1968) 5.00 The Biggest Bundle Of Them All (1968) 7.00 The Liquidator (1966) 9.00 Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (1958) 11.00 The Formula (1980) 1.05am Freaks (1932)

Classics

Indie