Latest Seven: Issue 397 Nov 4 ­ Nov 10

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10/29/08

10:50 AM

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ jobs ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 4 – 10 November 2008

FREE WEEKLY

snowman stories raymond briggs on life in the seasonal spotlight

shape up in style thistle hotel opens its new gym and sauna

magical christmas

feeling japanese andrew is thrilled by sushi in the smoke

timeless fairytales peter and the wolf and carnival of the animals come to brighton dome for christmas page 22

000_LS397_jeremy Hoye

10/29/08

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10/31/08

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Contents

Welcome

★ latest jobs 4

Tomorrow is Guy Fawkes Night and the biggest fireworks event in the country is happening right on our doorstep with Lewes Fireworks, the UK’s most anarchic 5 November celebration. In her column this week, Alison remembers the fun she had on fireworks night as a child (p7).

Brighton Dome is preparing for its Christmas shows by Kiev Classical Ballet and Orchestra. To find out how to get tickets for Peter and the Wolf and The Carnival of Animals, see our cover feature on page 22.

Open a Christmas TV guide from any of the past 15 years and you’re likely to find a showing of The Snowman, the animated film loved by children and adults. But did you know its talented creator Raymond Briggs, who lives in Sussex, hates Christmas? Find out why in the celebrity interview (p11).

Sussex Police have got hold of a BMW convertible and are using it to scare drug dealers – see Phil Mills’s news page (p13). On the letters and sport page, Alison’s been given a few tips about how to kick her social smoking and Peter Knight is filled with new confidence for The Albion (p14).

If you fancy some relaxation, health writer Zara Baker visited the Thistle Hotel’s new Otium Health and Leisure club and liked it very much (p16).

There are some exciting times coming up in the film world in Brighton - Cinecity festival begins at the end of this month, incorporating the Dance for Camera festival in early December. Before that is the Future Shorts festival of international short films, which launches at the Duke of York’s this Friday. Find out more in the film section (p26).

In art, Jeff Hemmings previews a photographic exhibition that explores shocking images from the conflicts in Iraq and Vietnam as part of Brighton Photo Biennial (p24).

Holiday on Ice will be back at the Brighton Centre in the new year. On the stage page, Andrew Kay talks to choreographer Anthony Van Laast about the enduring popularity of the show and this year’s production Mystery (p25). We all know there’s no place like Home, as Andrew found out when he visited the cafe of that name in Queen’s Park. Read his review in the food section, alongside a review of Soseki, Moshi Moshi’s new sister restaurant in London (p19).

If you haven’t been able to get ‘5 Years Time’ out of your head since the summer, read Nick Aldwinckle’s interview with Noah and the Whale in music (p29) and find out when the band are playing in Brighton.

In kids and events, hear how to meet the first British woman to climb Everest and the Seven Summits and how to fight cancer by attending a saucy burlesque show.

If you you want to plan your week, use our listings guide (p23) and for even more listings visit www.thelatest.co.uk

4 Jobs in Brighton and Sussex

★ latest upfront 5–10

★ latest listings 23–43 23 Reviews and listings index What we made of Brighton City Festival, Jeremy Hardy and more

24 Comedy 6 Social Diary and competitions: win Mitchell and Webb goodies

7 Alison loves Lewes fireworks 8 Sandra interviews a determined model 8 Dani’s scared of falling 9 CelebCity: Did you see Posh and

Victoria Nangle wonders what brave souls dare to try to perform for kids

09

24 Art Images of war from Iraq and Vietnam

25 Stage Anthony Van Laast on choreographing Holiday on Ice

Becks at Churchill Square?

10 Bare Cheek: Remembering when Kemp Town was a high security prison

11 Celeb interview: The Snowman creator Raymond Briggs hates Christmas

★ latest news 12–14

26 Film The Future Shorts film festival coming to Brighton, plus reviews and times

28 Kids and events The Martlets Ladies Lunch and Burlesque against Breast Cancer

28 Books The poetry of translation

12 News summary and Mary Mears 13 Phil Mills on the BMW used to fight drug dealing

29 Music Noah and the Whale interviewed

14 More mail for Alison plus Latest Sport

Brighton Latest Download Chart

★ latest lifestyle 15–22

33 Clubs and music listings

TOP

11

40

Where will you spend the weekend?

16 Health: Zara tests the Thistle’s gym 19 Food: Andrew goes Japanese 20 Hotlist: the best places to eat out 22 On the cover: Kiev Classical Ballet and Orchestra at Brighton Dome

34 Gay Bea Smith from Prisoner Cell Block H interviewed and Will’s pulled a star

36 Television Dani ponders eating turtle; seven days of sofa-happy listings

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Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Website Manager Paul Burgess

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Designers Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer

Art Director Stephen King

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards

Production Manager Neil Ive

Listings Editor Nick Aldwinckle

Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi

Advertising Sales Lucy Kamper Sophie Longhurst

Staff Writers Craig Driver Dani Winch

Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

33 36

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor latest 7 5

004_LS397_jobads

10/30/08

12:42 PM

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latest

jobs

Call Marie on 01273 818150 ext 102

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We’d like to meet you ...

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You will not necessarily require experience however ARLA registered candidates would be desirable. Alternatively if you are looking for a step up from letting co-ordination and can demonstrate enthusiasm and willingness to learn we also want to hear from you. Full ongoing training will be provided. You must also hold a full UK driving licence, a pool car will be provided during working hours.

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000_LS397_Brighton Centre

10/29/08

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10/31/08

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LATESTDIARY

COMPETITIONS

latestdiary

Stars on jazz

With Tim Richardson Diwali celebration On Saturday 25 October 2008, Gujarati Cultural Society celebrated Diwali at Hove Town Hall. Diwali is a major Indian holiday and a significant festival. Many legends are associated with Diwali and today it is celebrated across the globe as the ‘Festival of Lights‘ where the lights or lamps signify victory of good over the evil within every human being. Diwali is celebrated on the first day of the lunar Kartika month, which comes in October or November. During the evening’s celebrations, there was a festival of food with music from Nitu Shah and an opportunity to win some fantastic raffle prizes donated by local society members and businesses.

On Wednesday 22 October 2008 the legendary Linda Lewis played Komedia supported by the amazingly talented YolanDa Brown, winner of the 2008 MOBO Awards in the ‘Best Jazz‘ category and UMA award nominee for Best Jazz. Linda Lewis burst on to the UK chart scene in the 70s with her folk, soul, pop and reggae influenced signature sound, laying the foundations for more recent black female artists such as Des'ree and India Arie with recent collaborations with Turin Brakes, Jamiroquai and Midfield. YolanDa Brown Mick Fuller and Soulshyne’s Mick Fuller also took time out to sign a canvas and take part in JulieAnne Gilburt’s Stars on Canvas 2008, an exhibition of 20x20cm canvasses, each created by a different star. Known faces from the worlds of sport, design, music and entertainment are being asked to draw on their artistic skills in aid of national wish-granting charity the Willow Foundation. By participating in Stars on Canvas they will assist the charity in increasing awareness of its service nationwide as well as helping to raise much needed funds. This will enable the charity to fulfill more than 2,500 special days over the next two years.

YolanDa Brown

Linda Lewis

IN IT TO WIN IT Music, film and game prizes Bargrooves: Disco Heat A triple CD packed with great tracks including Bob Sinclar feat Ron Carroll 'Wonderful World’ and more. A celebration of the last ten years of DJ bar culture, featuring tunes made for the dancefloor. To win one of five copies, tell us: Bargrooves celebrates how many years of bar culture? A Five, B 10, C 15

to hear

That Mitchell & Webb Look Series 2 Comedians David Mitchell and Robert Webb return with the BAFTA award-winning sketch show. New characters among old favourites including detective Sir Digby Chicken Caesar. To win one of three copies tell us: What’s the name of detective Sir Digby Chicken Caesar’s sidekick?

A Red, B Ginger, C Orange

to watch 6 latest 7

Solstice From the director of The Blair Witch Project comes a new wave of frights courtesy of Icon Home Entertainment. The chilling tale of a girl who looks for the truth into her twin sister’s suicide some months before summer solstice. To win one of three copies on DVD tell us: When is the summer solstice? a). 14 June b). 21 June c). 21 July Entrants must be ages 15 and over.

to watch

Family Fortunes – Interactive game Vernon Kay is your host or the fourth outing of the popular interactive DVD game where you try and guess what the survey says! Fun for all the family, with friends or battling as a couple, all you need to play is the DVD remote control!

To win one of three copies of this new interactive DVD game, tell us: What was the American title of this hit family quiz show? a). Family Feud b). Family Ties c). Top Family

to watch

To win, email: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box. Leave your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 17 November

007_LS397_Alison/xword

10/30/08

3:16 PM

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ALISON’SCOLUMN

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Swanning around Alison Swann gets ready for fireworks, but will be steering clear of sparklers

Banging night It’s that time of year again, when the train station to Lewes sinks a few centimetres back down into the earth’s crust and the whole world makes their way to the town famous for its smuggling abilities and the best-known bonfire celebration in the country.

If you’ve never been to Lewes for the world famous event prepare yourself for a shock. And if you don’t like crowds, well forget it. People in Brighton get blasé about Lewes: “Oh god I can’t handle it,” which is perfectly understandable, but a shame. There is no doubt that it is nuts. Tens of thousands of people descending on a little Sussex town to chuck fire at each other and cause utter mayhem. But it’s worth it. The street processions change with every year and there’s a real political edge as the bonfire societies often have effigies and tableaux passing comment on issues of the day. Oh and the firework displays are amazing.

My first fireworks party was in the seventies. My mum had decided that if I was going to be outside after 7pm then I would obviously freeze to death if I wasn’t dressed in the entire contents of my wardrobe. I was in the end wearing so many layers of unyielding nylon clothing that I looked like a small multi-coloured flammable turkey. In spite of this, I managed to waddle at speed down my neighbour’s garden, where my older brother and his friends were jumping through a flame-covered, home-made hoop, and various dads were running backwards and forwards letting off fireworks and stoking up the bonfire. It was the most exciting thing I had ever seen.

As fireworks exploded all around me I happily waved my sparkler and then ran inside to show my friend’s mum the fabulous shapes I had created. She wasn’t too impressed as she was sitting on the lap of a man who really didn’t look too much like my friend’s dad. I then did something which has become a common theme in my life in order to get attention. Burnt myself.

I ran outside swirling my sparkler in the blue black smoky sky, then tripped, letting my new toy fall to the floor and then promptly picked it up, with a firm grip, at the wrong end. As the skin on my five-year-old hand bubbled and melted I let out a deafening wail and my friend’s mum moved rapidly to my side. I ended the night with yet more wrapping and strapping.

In spite of this, I love the chaos of Lewes. You can marvel at the way the streets appear to be actually on fire at times and the freedom that people have to wander around in a health and safety free zone. If you haven’t been, it is truly an amazing experience, so make the effort. It may at times feel like you are battling to get on the Rajdhani Express from Mumbai to Delhi, but experiencing events that are unique and on our doorstep requires effort. Just don’t you dare chuck a banger in my direction.

“I was wearing so many layers of clothing I looked like a small multi-coloured flammable turkey” Part of the event of going to Lewes is facing the crowds and getting through the challenge. Get to the train station hours before you plan to get on a train, but it is cheating to get to Lewes in the daytime and hang around. Wear more clothes than you might think humanly possible, you are going to be standing around – a lot. A slight bit of planning is allowed here, as if you cock it up you’ll be left reeling in shock as you join the hundreds of people queueing up to be allowed on the train at five to eight. You’ll then spend hours frantically ringing your mate, who you have lost, to say you are in the third carriage from the end of the platform. And don’t even bother saying, “It’s okay, I’ll see you at the station in Lewes“. No you won’t, not unless your mate is ten feet tall and sporting a luminous flashing wig to pick them out from the crowd.

Comments? Get in touch: alison@thelatest.co.uk

latestcrossword Cryptic 168 ACROSS 1 Voice of parson changes nothing (7) 5 Animal company has knockout finish (5) 8 Horrible experience of dark horse, perhaps (9) 9 Seize the hill-top (3) 10 Cover ice with fish (5) 12 Jim, it's said, has Stan turned into a graceful mover (7) 13 Hold back request for material (6) 14 Two ways to separate coal in the smoke stack (6) 17 Musician prone to cheating? (7) 19 Hermit worried to join up (5) 21 The lot is worth a couple of pounds (3) 22 Meat's added to menu for fun (9) 24 GP has to possess a way to die (5) 25 Affliction from which to expire, swallowing water (7)

solutions on page 34

Quick 168 DOWN 1 America pursues badness because it's in the head (5) 2 Animal being half bird (3) 3 Pretender needs an account with a lock (7) 4 Edible colour? (6) 5 After violent wind, moon starts to shine (5) 6 Vessel of certain adaptation in which there is no turning round (9) 7 Circular piece in spoken test (7) 11 Turn mad or ill following a wild animal (9) 13 Cheat German woman held by leaders of demonic Eastern dominion (7) 15 No good? Employ to a smaller degree (7) 16 Force onto circular floor (6) 18 Get to know king to a point (5) 20 Machine for the French and the English (5) 23 Mother and father conceal age (3)

ACROSS 1 Animal abode (7) 5 Courageous (5) 8 Musical instrument (9) 9 Droop (3) 10 Plant genus (5) 12 Australian creature (7) 13 Unborn animal (6) 14 Pulse (6) 17 Creative pastime (7) 19 Fundamental (5) 21 Boring tool (3) 22 Alter (9) 24 Call forth (5) 25 Distinguished (7)

DOWN 1 Hurry (5) 2 Container (3) 3 Decorative gardening (7) 4 Garden tool (6) 5 Tree (5) 6 Diligent (9) 7 Impress deeply (7) 11 Tangle (9) 13 Enclosure (7) 15 Stool (7) 16 Tension (6) 18 Domestic animal (5) 20 Name (5) 23 Pen-point (3)

latest 7 7

008_LS397_model city/dani

10/30/08

11:15 AM

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EMOTIONS

STYLE

Model city

Dani’s diary

Sandra Omo continues her spotlight on the courage and career of Thema Davis

Dani has got over her fear of flies and has replaced it with a fear of falling

After the touching and shocking tale of model Thema Davis last week, the question is: how is Thema now? Well, she's back on her feet – as her picture clearly shows – with numerous jobs and magazine interviews and a feature in almost every major magazine. I caught up with her and in a candid interview she tells it plainly, but with emotion that sends the message straight to the heart. To read Thema’s full story, please go to www.themadavis.co.uk.

Omo: How has it been since you came back to life?

Thema: My life has changed. It has been a long journey and I have learned a lot, I see life differently and I live each day like it is my last.

Omo: Be frank, did you ever think you would make it?

Thema: No, I didn’t think that I would make it at all. Everyday I expected to die and I wanted to die because the pain was so so bad.

Omo: Did you also think you were anorexic in the beginning?

Thema: No, never! An anorexic does not want to eat and makes themselves sick. I never did that and everyone who knows me knew that I ate like a pig! I had the country’s top nutritionists fighting in my corner as they knew I was not anorexic and it’s why I’m campaigning, so no one need die out of other people’s ignorance!

Omo: Your story is very inspiring, what do you do to encourage others going through the same situation as you?

Thema: I keep encouraging them and let them know that everything is going to be alright and we can beat this disease.

Omo: How has your career been since you recovered?

Thema: There are many things that I want to do with my career but I take each day as it comes and simply try my hardest. I am the kind of chick who works three times as hard.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote that I had an irrational fear of having my flies open. I am no longer fearing my flies being open. My new irrational and bizarre fear is that I am going to fall over. Occasionally falling over in general, but normally that I will get my feet tangled in something and trip in that fun way! I have taken to walking with extra-long strides or with my feet more apart than is normal. I don’t know why this has started, but it has. Just one more string in my ‘Dani is weird‘ bow!

I am counting down the days until Christmas. And I have discovered that taking the About a Boy view on life is the best way to get the time to pass. Seeing your days as units of time makes living a regular week easier. Time flies when you are having fun, that is a fact we are all aware of, but time doesn’t actually move any faster, you are just too occupied to notice the hands of the clock moving. I have found that if you see Monday just as one day and not look at it as the first day to four more of the same it doesn’t seem as bad. If you know that a day can fly by when you are occupied makes the time disperse slightly quicker. Plus, if you feel down that it is Monday and you can’t bear the idea of another weak smile. The action of smiling releases little happy chemicals into your blood stream making you feel genuinely happier.

“Oh God, I am a fake, no amount of smiling when you’re not happy is going to make any difference”

“I have met many stunning models, who were very ugly people. People can be fake and fickle“

Thema Davis 8 latest 7

Photograph: Jon Cochrane

Omo: Where are you now in your career, would you say you have gained or lost?

Thema: I am in a new place, a new beginning. I have gained wisdom and maturity. I have lost certain aspects of the industry, but gained elsewhere. Such as, I no longer do fashion shows, but I do many more magazines then I did back then.

Omo: How far would you go for a job?

Thema: I would never sell my soul for a job. If I do not deserve a job then I take it in my stride and move on. Life is too short, although I will admit that I may cry a little if I really wanted the job and didn’t get it but I would never stoop low for a job. I’m much too talented for that. Always up your game, that is the best way to get ahead.

Omo: What is the one thing being a model has taught you?

Thema: On the plus side, modelling has taught me to be tough, independent and thick-skinned!

Modelling has also taught me beauty comes from the inside, not the outside! I have met many stunning models, who were very ugly people.

People can be fake and fickle.

Omo: Any last words or advice for models out there?

Thema: Never listen to the words ‘can’t’ or 'won’t' as you can change these. Go for any and everything. Believe in yourself and even if you’re not right for the job, still go for the casting.

My ex-agent would not send me for The Clothes Show casting saying they would hate me. I went on my own and got the job as the main model, made thousands of pounds. Be proactive.

Oh God, I am a fake, no amount of smiling when you are not happy is going to make any difference, and I haven’t learned to accept that everyday lasts the same amount of time. I have simply surrendered to the fact that nothing I do will immediately change it.

It’s a sad fact really. Surrendering is nothing that anyone enjoys. But it is something a lot of people do.

I still don’t understand why a petition hasn’t been made to shorten the working week. How many things that have been the same for years have been changed to suit our lives now? Why do we still only have two days off? Perhaps it has something to do with the banks taking five days to clear your cheque (which is something that will need to be reviewed – in my opinion). It would be nice if we had more time to enjoy life.

Oh well we can’t have everything. It seems like you all have to make a choice. Either free time or money. Great.

I hate Gok Wan. I don’t know why but I felt I needed to tell someone.

He drives me mad and he is everywhere. I wish he would bugger off.

How dare he say that women are the problem. That if he makes one regular woman feel great all women will learn they feel great. Why doesn’t he head straight to the magazines? Grrr.

For comments and chit chat email letters@thelatest.co.uk Collection/delivery ordering service for

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009_LS397_celebcity

10/30/08

12:04 PM

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AROUNDTOWN

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Coogan shock Steve Coogan’s surprised, there’s been a ‘posh’ happening in town and Bond-mania kicks off Poor old Steve Coogan had a bit of a shock last week when he learnt that fans were selling tickets for his Brighton show on eBay for just 99p after poor reviews of the show in other cities. Steve, who has a house in Hove, has started to tour his new show Alan Partridge and Other Less Successful Characters after ten years away from the boards. But all was not well after some regional critics panned the show triggering Brighton ticket holders to put theirs straight on the live auction site at a starting price of just 99p. A spokesman for Coogan defended the comic, saying: “A great deal of time and effort has gone into the preparation and production of the live tour. We are sorry to hear that some people have not enjoyed the performances.”

Steve Coogan plays the Brighton Centre on Friday 21 and Saturday 22 November, tickets sales don’t seem to be doing too badly as there are only a limited number left for the 21. For more info logon to www.brightoncentre.co.uk for more details.

Was it them?

You might have done a double take at the glamorous couple walking around Churchill Square the other weekend – no it wasn’t Posh and Becks, but just an elaborate ruse organised by Southern FM. The world’s most famous celebrity couple – Victoria and David Beckham – well their celebrity doubles, were whisked through the busy shopping centre by the radio station to launch The Big Breakfast Show Name Game. They arrived in

sponsored by blacked-out SUV and were chaperoned by their own security, and followed by paparazzi and shoppers desperate to get a picture of the couple, who even had their own “Brooklyn”. The child-double was bought a gift in a toy shop, where a huge crowd gathered trying to see who was inside the store.

The Big Breakfast Show Name Game competition features mystery celebrity voices which listeners guess in order to win one of 10 Neilson Active Holidays, and can be played each weekday morning at 7am on The Big Breakfast Show with Lynsey, Danny and Jack.

Snap with the ‘stars‘ Listeners will have the chance to meet some of the hottest ‘celebrities‘ every weekend across Sussex until Christmas and enjoy a celebrity experience including a chance to get ‘papped‘ with the lookalikes. The doubles include Will Smith, Ricky Gervais, Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Cristiano Ronaldo, who will be appearing in towns across Sussex with The Southern FM Thunders.

Bond is back With the latest Bond offering Quantum of Solace now topping the film charts – exBond and probably my favourite, Roger Moore was in town last week and Southern FM breakfast show host Danny Pike caught up with him (see pic).

He asked acting legend Roger if he’d ever totted up all the ladies he’d had liaisons with, considering the glamorous locations he’d been in and the very lovely Bond girls he’d starred with over the years.

Roger replied “I’ve forgotten, and that’s the wonderful thing about age – you’re not lying when you say you’ve forgotten! I don’t remember!”

Spotted Actress and Celebrity Big Brother star Rula Lenska at the checkout in Waitrose, Worthing branch!

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com

To comment on any of these stories or send in any news stories email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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010_LS397_cheeky/stars

10/30/08

4:26 PM

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ONLY JOKING!

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

I remember...

Kemp Town! These days it’s a vivid, bubbling cocktail of antique and craft shops, gastro pubs, and toy shops for the children of gentlefolk.

But what was it like way, way back in the mists of time, before the Second World War? 99-year-old Laird Dawsonwatch remembers...

“It makes me laugh when I think of what a poncified area old Kemp Town has become, ‘cos back in the old days it was certainly a bit more rough ‘n’ ready if you see what I mean. Oh yes, some tough nuts lived there back in the 20s and 30s, I can tell you. Jack Dempsey, the world heavyweight boxing champion, was a resident of St. George’s Road from 1929 to 1931. I remember, every morning at 5.15 sharp, he’d exit his house, wearing a backpack containing 500 pounds of rocks and broken bottles, and would jog all the way to Orpingham, Kent, stopping to hit himself in the testicles with a sledgehammer every nine miles.

He’d return home at 7.02, regular as clockwork, whereupon he would climb immediately into a cement mixer and switch it on. And he was regarded as a bit of a sissy by some of the blokes round that way, that’s how tough it was.

Another couple of bruisers who called Kemp Town home were Billy ‘The Fish’ Hill, and Jack ‘Spot’ Comer, a pair of East End villains who lived in adjoining houses on Sudeley Street. They were great rivals, in a friendly sort of way. I remember one time Jack had his front porch painted gold. Of course, old Billy wasn’t going to stand for that and he retaliated by having Jack’s wife shot.

In & Out

SPECIAL “SCOOBY DOO” EDITION

IN

OUT

• Scooby-Dum

• Yabba-Doo

• The Harlem Globetrotters gueststarring

• Sonny and Cher guest-starring

• Saying “Joinks!”

• Surprisingly modern kitchens appearing in medieval castles

• That ‘boinging’ sound that inexplicably occurs when a character is running on the spot quickly attempting to escape a ghost/monster

• Saying “Jinkies!”

• Shaggy snacks

• Sudden mysterious fog

Of course there weren’t no fancypants coffee shops or hairdressers around back then. In fact, there were only two shops in the whole place.

There was ‘Jethro’s Eel Emporium,’, which was reputed to sell the finest jellied eels on the South Coast, although the only time I ever tasted ‘em I suffered from vomiting for two and a half months. Nevertheless, it was a popular place, and all the ‘big nobs’ of the time called in there for a nosh up – James Cagney, Joe Louis, Akim Tamiroff, Wallace Simpson, Aldous Huxley, Harold Lloyd, General Franco, Hamburglar, Ad Lad, ‘Orrible ‘Ole, The Gambols, Tough Nutt and Softy Centre. The other shop was a bookmaker’s, which was run by a local lad by the name of Charlie Ramsgate, who was rumoured to have a bit of Arab in him. The shop was unusual in that it only took bets on what Dick Powell would do. I remember I won six shillings by predicting correctly that he would make a sequel to Gold Diggers of 1933 called Gold Diggers of 1935 (although old Ramsgate got his money back that very night, robbing me and leaving me for dead in the gutter in Eaton Place, the crafty beggar). But my mate Lenny Thompson, who wasn’t the cleverest of men, put his life savings and his house on Powell being elected leader of China by 1936, and as we all know that didn’t happen until 1937, so poor old Lenny was thrown out on the streets, and his entire family had to become prostitutes, which was a shame in a way.

What a lot of people don’t know about Kemp Town is that in the late 40s and early 50s it was an experimental maximum security prison. The whole of it was walled off between Marine Parade and Eastern Road, and bad ‘uns were dropped in by helicopter. I worked as a prison officer there during my younger days, and I certainly came into contact with some awful, desperate, depraved men – the dregs of humanity you might say. Ed Gein. Rudolph Hess. Dracula. Dr. Phibes. Charters and Caldicott – we had Jack the Ripper there for a brief period in 49. Now he was a gent, a very distinguished chap, with a twinkle in his eye. He gave me a gift before he left, a cigarette case carved from a sort of bone, which I still use to this day. I’ll tell you something I bet you don’t know – remember that song ‘Save Tonight,’ sung by Eagle-Eye Cherry, what got to number six in 1997? Well, Jack the Ripper wrote that. It’s true – I’d often hear him humming it to himself when he was sitting on the lav or praying to his dark god Satan.

Well that place closed down in 1959, which is when Kemp Town’s gentrification began. It was a riot what caused it to close. Ooh it was terrible. The whole of A-Wing went on a dirty protest, demanding more than one slice of bread per fortnight, and a karaoke machine in the exercise yard. Well the warden, who was played by Harold Bishop from Neighbours, he turned ‘em down flat, and halved their soap ration into the bargain. I was the one who got picked to go and give the prisoners the news. I figured I’d at least try to cheer ‘em up, so I sang the warden’s reply in the style of Perry Como while executing a little tap dance...

(Continued on page 98)

Astral Angi ★Finding truth in the stars★

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ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

One cannot stress enough how much we need to be nice to one another. In these difficult times try to put others first. Hold open a door for someone, especially as you enter a bar.

Avoid situations where you are likely to make a fool of yourself this week.

Maybe stay at home with your head under the covers, turn off the phone, unplug the laptop and hide.

Comfy old Libra needs to take stock of life. Challenge yourself this week. Sit in a supermarket doorway and try to sell magazines. I think The Big Issue may be difficult so try Vogue.

Capricious Capricorn loves to give gifts.

Flitting from place to place dropping little presents as you go along your way. How nice but please, can you perhaps lay off the baked beans.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Being selfless is not always easy but it is the road to righteousness. Taureans should step back a pace and think about how lucky they are. Do not go drinking with Ariens this week.

Now is a time of sharing and caring.

Embrace your friends as if you might never see them again. Draw them to you and suck the marrow from life together. Do not get carried away.

The sharp end of your tongue needs to be put to better use this week.

Avoid confrontation, volunteer for something. Stamp licking in a local post office if you can find one.

Well all Aquarians are nice, or at least they like to think that they are. Well take a close look, are you really as nice as all that? No? No just as I expected, rose tinted you ain’t.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Like good deeds, Geminis come in pairs. If someone has been particularly nice recently drop then a line and ask where your second bit of niceness has got to.

Relax Virgos everywhere and give of your all. Yes all! No excuses, sitting on it will not help, get out there and use it. I had a friend who sat on it too long and needed surgery.

I know Sagis, you’re too tired to be nice, too tired to be bothered, too… well simply too Sagittarian. You are beyond all hope and should start saving for an early retirement now.

Jesus fed the 5,000 on just a few loves and fishes. What an example.

Take a few friends out to Bardsley’s for a fish supper and enjoy the real communion of friendship.

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To talk to Astral Angi please email angi@thelatest.co.uk

011_LS397_celebinterview

10/30/08

2:25 PM

Page 1

INTERVIEW

Weather man Raymond Briggs talks to Rachel Pegg about growing older, his technophobia and why he hates Christmas Your stories don’t hold back and they don’t have happy endings, do you think that appeals to children?

Probably, I don’t know, I’m no expert on children, I’ve not had any myself and I never taught in schools so I’ve had very little to do with them. I don't take that into account. I do what I do and it appeals to the people it does.

Are you writing for all ages?

Oh yes, unless you’re doing a Cat Sat on the Mat book for under fives which I don’t really do, you just do the idea and sometimes you’re not all that sure whether it’s a children’s book or not until you get to the end. Sometimes you think you’ve done a children’s book and it appeals to adults. I once did an adult book and when it got to the shop floor they stuck it in the children’s section. I got a lot of irate letters about that.

Which book was that?

When the Wind Blows, which was all about nuclear war and everyone dies in the end so it should never have been put there, that's just stupid shop people not looking at the thing properly.

enormous thing, seeing as there were so many people involved in the film.

Why don’t you like Christmas?

I’ve just done a rant about Christmas for The Oldie. It’s a time of dread and anxiety: ‘Have you got this, have you got that, we should go there, what are we going to do about so and so, he’s on his own.’ It’s a very lonely time for people, they always say it’s a wonderful family time but a lot of people my age haven’t got all that; the generation ahead of them are dead, if they have no children, no grandchildren, it’s a miserable thing. It’s a particularly grim time; the suicide rate goes up.

People are expected to be happy and they’re not?

Precisely. It emphasises if you are not happy, it emphasises loneliness. The original celebration on 21 December was all about the dark, when the sun comes back and the day gets longer.

Christians took it over but it was there for centuries before they did.

What advice would you give to people who want to get into children’s literature? Is it different from when you started?

Oh, totally different. Books aren’t selling at all well, so I’m told. Every print run for a new picture book is about 4,000 which is ridiculous; you'll never earn a living doing that.

Why do you think that is?

Nobody knows I don’t think. It’s quite possibly all this electronic stuff, all the electric gadgets they carry with them and iPods and looking at a screen all the time. It’s very peculiar really, they don’t listen to the radio, they don’t look at books much, it’s just a changing society, mainly due to technology as far as I can see.

So possibly people interested in illustration should look at a different way of using it?

Yes, they use computers now, they draw with computers on a screen. It’s all gone very peculiar.

Have you tried using computers?

No, I’ve never touched one. I know I ought to but I really can’t be bothered, I’m too old, I’m nearly 75 and I have enough difficulty coming to terms with these mobile phones.

Raymond Briggs is patron of Chestnut Tree House children’s hospice in Sussex.The hospice will stage the Snowman Spectacular, its first fundraising ball in Brighton, at the Hilton Brighton Metropole on Friday 5 December.Tickets cost £85 per person or £750 for a table of 10. Call 01903 871817 or go to www.thesnowmanspectacular.org.uk

“The most rewarding thing of all is when you get a letter from a child” That’s a political work in some way, does all your work have a serious message behind it?

I don’t go in for messages. Who was that American chap – Ernest Hemingway – who said: ‘If you want messages, go to Western Union.’

What are you working on now?

It’s a great long rambling thing about old age and death which I’ve been doing for years now and never get to the end of it. It’s a pretty formless shape at the moment.

Do you get children writing to you?

Oh yes, quite a bit. Not so much at the moment but in the past more. That’s the most rewarding thing of all when you get a letter from a child, particularly if they’ve done it off their own back and haven’t been put up to it by the school when the whole class writes.

What do they ask or tell you?

They ask if you’re still alive. ‘Michelle keeps on saying you’re dead,’ one of them said.

You've become ingrained in the British Christmas now, The Snowman’s often shown and people associate Father Christmas with your work. How does it feel to be part of that big celebration?

Well, I don’t know. It’s nice that people are interested. I’m not a great fan of Christmas itself but it’s (The Snowman) got embedded in the season, it’s on television every year.

You must do quite well out of it with royalties?

I suppose I do but it goes into such an latest 7 11

012_LS397_newssummary

10/31/08

12:51 PM

Page 2

LATESTNEWS

news summary

7 days of headlines

Police warned people to stay safe around Guy Fawkes night by not drinking alcohol before letting off fireworks, following instructions carefully and only buying fireworkds marked BS 7114. It is illegal for people under 18 to possess fireworks in a public place.

Election party An all-night party will take place tonight (Tuesday, 4 November) to watch history being made in the United States election. Members of the public are invited to the event organised by Hove and Portslade MP Celia Barlow at the Old Market in Hove. There will be food cooked by Momma Cherri and entertainment with a live band and Elvis impersonator.

There will be live screenings of the results in the early hours of the morning.

Ms Barlow said: “This is truly a historic evening and who America chooses will affect the whole world. It’s far from certain who’ll emerge victorious but what is certain is that an Obama presidency would have a transforming effect on both the White House and the world.

Coverage of the party will be shown on The Politics Show and BBC South East Today.

Simon Burgess, the Labour prospective parliamentary candidate for Brighton Kemptown, spent ten days in the States last month campaigning on Obama’s behalf.

Tickets to the Hove party are £10 each to include food. Call The Old Market box office on 01273 736222.

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NEWS

Albion and Sussex Country Cricket players helped launch a project offering sports and activities to young people. The KICKZ scheme, in partnership with Whitehawk’s Crew Club, has three night sessions a week for 48 weeks a year. In its first six weeks more than 100 young people have taken part. The official launch last week was attended by Albion defender Andrew Whing, Sussex cricketer Ollie Rayner and Sussex Police Chief Constable Martin Richards.

Celia Barlow

The University of Brighton, has won a national award.

The Community University Partnership Programme scooped the Outstanding Contribution to the Local Community award at the Times Higher Education Awards.

Explosive city

Annual festival A festival celebrating the clocks going back is to become an annual event.

About 15,000 people attended Brighton’s first White Night Festival, organised by the local Arts Commission and Brighton and Hove City Council. An estimated 4,500 saw bands playing at Jubilee Library, more than 1,000 went late night swimming at the Prince Regent leisure centre, more than 1,200 attended concerts at the Royal Pavilion and Brighton Museum had 2,500 visitors.

The idea was borrowed from cities such as Paris, Berlin and Madrid, which have staged White Nights for many years. David Smith, councillor for culture, said: “I’m looking forward to White Nights being lined up for 2009 and 2010.”

Cultural services councillor David Smith launching the guide

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears sees the appeal for visitors Guy Fawkes’ Night is upon us once again and many people will be celebrating by building bonfires and enjoying fireworks with family and friends.

I know a fantastic time was had by those attending the Family Firework Fiesta at Nevill Recreation Ground – and tomorrow, on Wednesday 5 November, there will be another night of awe and excitement at Sussex County Cricket Ground when the Brighton Lions Club have their annual fireworks display.

This week is not just notable for the explosions that will be happening overhead, it also sees an explosion of new information available at your fingertips with the launch of the new VisitBrighton website.

Already one of the best performing websites in the country with over 1.8 million hits a year, a new site was launched yesterday (Monday 3 November) and hopes to welcome over three million visitors by this time next year. It offers a tremendous array of information on activities, accommodation, entertainment and shopping to tourists and locals alike. Along with new content, VisitBrighton has also recently produced a

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Winter Guide which aims to make people aware that Brighton and Hove is one of the most vibrant, colourful and creative cities in Europe – at any time of the year!

As the city’s official information guide, VisitBrighton is a key part of the council's efforts to encourage new visitors to come to our city. Supporting growth in tourism is crucial to our strategy to continue the expansion of the city's economy.

I think it’s particularly important in these difficult economic times, when people are looking to take their holidays closer to home, that we sell Brighton and Hove as an attractive destination nestling between the sea and the South Downs on the stunning south coast.

Actually, telling people how great Brighton and Hove is has long been a pastime of mine, but there is a serious point to it too. Attracting the attention of visitors is crucial to growing the city’s wealth and keeping money in your pocket.

So next time someone tells you they’re booking a foreign holiday – tell them to bypass Paris, give a wide berth to Barcelona, and visit Brighton instead!

If you would like to comment on these stories please email news@thelatest.co.uk

013_LS397_newsphil

10/30/08

2:47 PM

Page 1

LATESTNEWS Phil Mills reports on tougher legislations drug dealers face, and the specialist courts unveiled to tackle domestic violence

Top gear The Government is planning tougher legislation to strip drug dealers of assets they were expecting to enjoy after release from prison.

Solicitor General Vera Baird QC made the announcement in Brighton as she looked over a BMW convertible confiscated from a dealer and now being used by local police. She said: “This is the kind of vehicle that dealers use and we are determined they will not be enjoying them when they get out of prison.”

Mrs Baird said seizure powers in the existing Proceeds of Crime Act 2002 were biting but reservations at the time about criminals’ property rights had made rules “laborious”.

She said: “There were fears the legislation would prove too punitive and so lots of fairness was incorporated within it.

“Now, everyone thinks this is a good thing and so there will be legislation in the next session of Parliament to make confiscation much quicker and easier.

“We are telling drug dealers they can’t expect to enjoy their ill-gotten gains upon release from prison – they simply won’t get away with it.”

The £8,000 BMW 325, silver and with burgundy leather interior, was seized by Sussex Police after a court ruled that the vehicle had been part of the dealer’s proceeds. The dealer, from Hastings, was jailed for four year earlier this year at Lewes Crown Court for dealing. He was later was forced to pay more than £9,000 under the Proceeds of Crime Act and part of that amount was the value of the car.

Sussex Police put signs reading “Car seized from a local drug dealer” on all sides of the

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NEWS

vehicle and are driving it around Sussex as a warning to others.

Mrs Baird said some dealers were prepared to serve prison sentences in the knowledge that once released they would live a luxury life with cash and assets from their illegal trade.

She said she hoped the word was now spreading that that no longer was the case: She said: “Forces around the country are confiscating proceeds of crime and making good use of them, including in one case providing a football pitch for one community. I think the public wants to know these dealers are not making profit from dealing.”

Mrs Baird asked to see the BMW in Brighton where she was attending the launch of six specialist domestic violence courts in Sussex.

Detective Chief Inspector Nigel Smith said: “The previous owner of the BMW is in jail – he’s lost his liberty and his motor. This is a demonstration of our commitment to seize assets from those who profit from drug dealing and cause misery to others.”

Earlier this year officers from the Sussex Police Money Laundering Investigation Team helped arrest three men for non payment of confiscation orders.

One man, who owed £900 was jailed for a month, and a second, who failed to pay £4,000, was sentenced to 45 days.

Detective Sergeant Mick Richards said: “Serving a sentence does not reduce the amount of money owed and we will seize assets in order to enforce payments if necessary.”

Police urged anyone with information about dealers to call 0845 6070 999 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

“This is a demonstration of our commitment to seize assets from those who profit from drug dealing”

Domestic aid Six Specialist Domestic Violence Courts (SDVCs) have been officially unveiled in Sussex with the aim of providing improved protection and support to victims and witnesses.

They are being backed by the Brighton and Hove Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnership which treats domestic abuse as its number one priority.

The city’s activities are co-ordinated by the Senior Officer Steering Group, which is cochaired by Brighton and Hove police Detective Chief Inspector Ian Pollard, and Linda Beanlands from the Partnership Community Safety Team.

DCI Pollard said: “With the introduction of SDVCs we can increase the effectiveness of the criminal justice system by providing more help to victims and witnesses of domestic violence as well as dealing with the cases in a more sensitive and understanding way. ”Brighton and Hove has moved on significantly with the way domestic abuse is dealt with. With all agencies working together we can provide a comprehensive range of services and support to all victims.

“I would urge anyone who is suffering domestic abuse contact the police, the Women’s Refuge Project or the IDVA service.

“We are here Ian Pollard to help.”

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014_LS397_letters/sport

10/31/08

12:39 PM

Page 2

LATEST LETTERS&SPORT

Letters

Send your comments to letters@thelatest.co.uk

Dopey smoker response Hi Alison, I enjoyed reading your recent article ‘Dopey smoker’(21 Oct) and could identify with this and found it very amusing. I stopped smoking myself with hypnotherapy seven years ago (in one session) and had very similar triggers.

I then trained to be a hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner and have had my own practice in Hove for most of this time. I work with many people who would like to stop smoking and have more info on my website www.rshyp.co.uk With Best Wishes Richard Slade Hi Alison, I thought your column was wonderfully written and a good insight to possibly what many other people go through.

Am I right in thinking that you used to be a heavier smoker and now a social smoker and mostly lapse when you have some alcohol? Yes? Well you’re not alone as it’s not uncommon.

As a qualified NLP practitioner and hypnotherapist I can assist people to break these smoking habits. I’m sure you made lots of readers look at their own situation; it’s good to get people thinking, and take reasonability for your own health, really well done!

Kind regards John Moore Anyone wanting to contact John for help can email him on: john7cnlp@googlemail.com P.S. I’ve had a look through some older copies of Latest 7 and I see you write some great stuff, so I will be definitely watching out for you from now on!

Meaning the Green?

‘Emerald City’ (28 Oct): Is this the same Mary Mears who only a few months ago was at Gatwick Airport with the Mayor to name a new plane “The City of Brighton and Hove”. Obviously when there is a free lunch on offer green policies are forgotten. Joined up thinking is not something that Brighton and Hove Council is known for.

Alan Thorpe

Brighton and Hove Mayor Garry Peltzer Dunn (right) with Jonathan Hinkles of Zoom Airlines, which has since gone bust

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH 14 latest 7

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sports Bunker

Hunting for a hero Latest Sport’s Peter Knight learns that a long fuse and a bit of patience helps as an Albion fan Well, first off, the player award for plugging away at it and keeping their patience goes to John Sullivan for his confident debut display last Tuesday in the knife edge first home victory against giants Leicester.

Anyone who’s seen the 20-year-old dazzle between the sticks in the reserves over the last three years will know the Albion have a top young back-up keeper who can clearly perform.

People who go on about gaining experience never point out that they’ve got to play to get it. And even if Sullivan had been out doing the rounds on the loan circle it wouldn’t have been at this level. With no offence intended, just look at how some of the other young guns who’ve gone out on loan to Bognor, Lewes, Woking, Grays, etc still aren’t up to playing in League One, just yet. Sullivan just needs the opportunity, some faith in him and a run to prove himself before all the quick to hand out the P45 moaners bleat on about sacking the entire youth graduates who aren’t quite up to it yet. You might just be kicking out the next Walcott or our next Elphick. To take a leaf out of Sullivan’s book; patience fans, patience. It’s not all doom and gloom just yet.

“It might just be worth us all getting on the phone and doing the calls round the clubs to find the quality affordable striker we’re all striving for” So while we’re on the subject lets get the good points out of the way. Yes, a home victory. A fortunate one, yes. But a victory. The loan signings, bar one expensive obvious one, have lifted team performances. Now they need to be made permanent before the spirit of the co-operative efforts dissipates under any weight of future uncertainty. Anyinsah, Thornton and dream debut Johnson must be prised away from their parent clubs’ reserves. And anyone who has been reading these Albion reviews over the past 14 months will know that our consistent praise for Tommy Elphick is justified. This lad’s performances have been first class and improve each game. Now we just need to keep him at the club unlike the situation his fellow youth defence partner Joel Lynch finds himself in. Down in the Latest Sport bunker we’re a little concerned that these two promising defenders might slip through the club’s fingers.

Okay, the home victory curse is broken but do any of us feel like the confidence is back (thumping Millwall this Saturday would help)? The elephant in the room finally stomped its feet like a double striker injury blow just waiting to happen. Micky Adams is no idiot but chucking Adam Virgo up front like it’s 2004–5 all over again won’t save us from a possible relegation dog fight. He’s a defender! And even though everyone knows it, perhaps it might just be worth us all getting on the phone and doing the calls round the clubs to find the quality affordable striker we’re all striving for. Maybe chuck in a decent fitness coach while we’re at it. It’s pretty obvious we’re missing the qualities Dean Wilkins took with him.

As for tonight’s battle with Derby in the League Cup, the excitement of the giant killing knockout competitions fills us all with nervous thoughts of victory. We’re Albion fans. We beat Man City. Of course we’re going to win. And a little patience goes a long way.

000_LS397_Mankind

10/29/08

12:08 PM

Page 1

016_LS397_health

10/31/08

8:30 AM

Page 2

HEALTH

See more health tips at wavemagazine.co.uk

Dignified leisure 10% off with this ad

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Otium is a Latin term meaning ‘leisure with dignity’ so I knew what to expect ahead of Otium Health & Leisure’s opening. Based in a prime position in the popular Thistle Hotel on Kings Road, Otium is an exclusive leisure club that’s been refurbished to offer first-class facilities to any discerning health nut. Or, if you’re like me, planning to take your exercise routine inside now the dark nights have drawn in and a run in cold temperatures is out of the question. It’s the perfect time to start – with an estimated half a million people in the UK falling to Seasonal Affective Disorder, exercise is the non-medicinal way to boost your mood and leave you looking great.

The newly refurbished facilities on offer at Otium are something to get excited about and I quickly say goodbye to my old routine. Here, they offer a fully equipped gym with a cardio theatre, a heated swimming pool, steam room, sauna and one-to-one personal training.

Personal training? The perfect timing for the little black dress (or suit and tie) party season, with a session based around areas the individual needs to address. Also, it’s a whole lot easier to get motivated with someone there helping every treadmill-step of the way.

Otium have four on-site personal trainers who are also employed by Thistle and will tailor programs for all new members, which is a free service. There will be never be a cost for inductions or programmes, which is a trend creeping in to most gyms and clubs at present.

I spoke to Jay from Otium about the extensive experience he brings to the health and leisure centre. “I’ve been involved in sports coaching for over 20 years,” Jay says. “I qualified at Chelsea College and have spent the last five years specialising in personal fitness coaching and club management.”

Despite a refurbishment, Otium remains true to its original ethos.

“We have always been a very friendly, personal club and we want this to remain an important part of what we offer,” says Jay. “All our staff have been with the company for over two years and although we have made many fantastic improvements both aesthetically and facility-wise during the extensive refurbishment, we want to retain the level of committed service which allows us to know every member.”

A personal approach with a committed service to members both old and new. The first 50 members who join Otium won’t have to pay a joining fee – saving one hundred pounds.

Otium Health & Leisure clubs can be found around the country in selected Thistle Hotels. Membership of the club in Brighton allows the members free use at all other Otium clubs and discounts on leisure breaks at Thistle Hotels nationwide. Members also receive generous discounts within Brighton Thistle on accommodation and food purchases including the award-winning Promenade restaurant. After a workout, you may just want to treat yourself.

Otium Health & Leisure, Thistle Hotel, Kings Road, Brighton. Call 01273 763234 for more information on joining.

latest

Healthcare commission Registered

Zara Baker gets in shape for the upcoming party season at the newly opened Otium Health & Leisure

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01273 818160 16 latest 7

If you would like to comment on this story please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

000_LS397_Mankind

10/29/08

12:09 PM

Page 2

018_LS397_ads

10/29/08

12:26 PM

Page 1

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019_LS397_food

10/29/08

1:12 PM

Page 3

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD&DRINK

Sensei Andrew Kay enjoys masterful Japanese haute cuisine at Soseki in London I remember my first Japanese meal very well. I made the mistake of thinking that wasabi was coconut and nearly lifted the lid of my cranium clean off. Years later, in Brisbane, I tried again – this time in a sushi bar where the dishes arrive by toy train. These days sushi is pretty standard fare, although some of it is pretty drab work-a-day stuff and for the most of us it sums up our knowledge of Japanese cuisine.

In Brighton I love Moshi Moshi, treating it as a fast food option when busy in town or as a treat when not in a hurry. So when I heard that the owners had opened a new venture in the city of London I was intrigued.

Soseki however is not a sushi bar. The style of food is haute Japonais, or haiku, the new Japanese fine dining.

Soseki sits at the foot of the Gherkin, an impressive location, but one equalled in style when you reach the restaurant. To date Japanese restaurants I have visited tend towards the trendy: clean-lined humour, neon lights and state-of-the-art gimmickry. Here nothing could be more different. The owner has created an environment that oozes calm and sophistication, comfort and luxury and an eclectic collection of simply stunning antiques from Osaka sets the style. The effect achieved reminds me of Belgian Fin de Siecle design, quirky but luscious.

We arrive and are shown to a booth with a great view of the ‘pickle‘ opposite. Menus arrive but are almost abstract in their construction. Set dinners are the score and each comprises a number of dishes, which although cooked in particular ways, do not state ingredients, The chefs simply use what has been found that day at the markets.

Now I like this, a culinary magical mystery tour. But with no 'previous’ on this style of food I asked for advice in advance and was instructed to try the Haiku sushi kappo menu.

We settled back with a delicious beer and waited for our meal to start.

It gave us a chance to further study the room and if, as they say, ‘the devil is in the detail‘, then this was devilishly clever stuff. A few diners sat in large armchairs at a low bar watching the chefs prepare food. I was in one sense envious, I love to watch chefs at work but it can be an affront to my guest and Mr H was feeling poorly and needed full attention.

I hesitate to list what we had to eat because it is almost irrelevant. Were you to order the same menu there is a good chance you would eat an almost entirely different meal. There are of course patterns and a format to the menu that we chose, but it’s probably best if I do highlights.

One absolute constant was the quality of the fish, this was exemplary, sea fresh, glistening, firm and bright. The owners have a real commitment to sustainable fishing on an international level so you can eat with a very clear conscience.

Speaking of clear, one of the first highlights was a brilliantly clear soup, clear in both colour and flavour, a broth of the highest order. A miso soup served later was equally stunning and revived my love of this Japanese standard.

The combination of sushi and sashimi dishes had us dazzled. The presentation was beautiful, but so was the detail. No two pieces were garnished in the same way. There were things I did not recognise here and there but each was an adventure and a delight.

The balance of dishes includes something either fried or grilled. On our visit it was tempura prawns and vegetables.

Now I like tempura but not enough to rave. On the whole it disappoints, bit greasy, bit soggy, bit, well… lacklustre. Well Soseki got it right, piping hot, dry, crisp and packed with flavour. I will never want any other.

The menu also promised a steamed dish and I awaited this with great interest. I guessed it might be a tiny fillet of fish, but I could not have been more wrong. What arrived was a small lidded pot in which sat a delicate savoury custard in which were set wild mushrooms, chicken and carrot.

From the first morsel I was in love, it had it all, mouth feel, aroma – the plume of steam filled my senses – and then flavour, delicate, wafting-ona-gentle-breeze flavour.

In fact, the delicacy of this cuisine is the key. Where much Japanese food we are presented with depends on the hard-hitting flavours of soy, wasabi and pickled ginger, here a far finer ideal is in play and one that I loved.

We shared a small flask of exquisite saki after our beer, but there is an extensive list of great classic wines. The final course of dessert was stunning too, a green cake – perhaps a little disappointing, but the chocolate mousse managed to be intense and deeply rich – without being greasy or cloying and there was superb sweet rice. And with it tea from an extensive and demanding tea menu. We asked one of the fabulous ladies who had served us to help us here and both loved her choices. Might I add that the service is impeccable, sleek and stylish, but very friendly. Gourmet food in glamourous settings with gorgeous girls and sound ethics to boot, how could I not love it?

Soseki, 1F Plaza, 30 St Mary Axe, London, EC3A 5AX, Call 020 76219211 www.soseki.co.uk

“Gourmet food, glamorous settings, gorgeous girls and sound ethics to boot, how could I not love it?”

If you would like to comment on this story please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

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LATESTHOTLIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

RESTAURANTS BRITISH AND MODERN EUROPEAN Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Totally traditional and family-run with all your favourites, but also an excellent blackboard of daily fish specials.

They’re open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday and it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of hearty homecooked food, separate evening and lunch menus and always a selection of roasts on Sunday. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, people soak up the late sun on the pretty terrace.

The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt.

59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000 www.coachhousebrighton.com

The Gallery Restaurant Why not appreciate for yourself the brand new restaurant in the heart of Brighton’s lanes specialising in modern British food all within in a relaxed fine dining environment.

All the food is sourced locally, (where possible) homemade and designed for the seasons by our a la carte head chef who has lead at the Dorchester in London, amongst other leading London restaurants.

The restaurant boasts a friendly yet casual environment that offers that little bit more all at very reasonable prices.

28 East Street, Brighton. 01273 773327 www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant in so many ways, excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. Chef Sam runs a team of food-lovers who deliver time after time, from a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game in season and desserts that are a delight, plus a wine list full of treats without being expensive. Make the most of the terrace when the weather is warm or the private dining room for a treat.

1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton A brand new restaurant on the Kemp Town restaurant scene. Situated in the famous

See more at thelatest.co.uk One Paston Place site, Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter.

1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222 www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

Santiago Restaurant Nestled between the two piers, Santiago Restaurant offers quality food and friendly service in this fantastic location on Brighton beach. Occupying former fisherman’s arches and boasting three of the historic, original arched windows, the first floor indoor restaurant gives a cosy and intimate dining experience. Now serving an exciting new menu of modern European dishes with a Hispanic influence and delicious homemade desserts. On sunny days, enjoy watching the world go by while dining on their sun terrace overlooking the beach, or in the evening come and relax in the indoor restaurant where every table has a sea view.

143-144 Kings Road Arches, Brighton Beach 01273 710031 www.santiagorestaurant.biz

CHINESE Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life.

An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

FRENCH The Arrogant Frog Not as expensive as you might think! A tempting à la carte and Xpress lunch is available all week. A ‘Plat du Jour’, at £9.45 including a drink, is the perfect way to treat yourself without breaking the bank. Relaxed L’Église

al-fresco dining is available in the garden; a sunny afternoon could not be better spent.

Enjoy the ‘Early Frog’ from 6-7pm; a threecourse meal at £13.95 is really the best value for your money! The true character of this delightful restaurant comes hopping to life in the evenings, and the mouthwatering menu is a comprehensive choice of the finest French cuisine. Children and families always welcome.

119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Cocoa is the cheeky new French patisserie found just down from Brighton train station on Queen’s Road. “A slice of Paris in the heart of Brighton”. All cakes, pastries, tartines and baguettes are lovingly prepared each morning on the premises by French gourmet pastry chef Julien Plumart.

Front of the house is run by Jana Solfronk serving coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst other beverages. Intimate seating overlooking a mural of the roofs of Paris sets an atmosphere both relaxing and bohemian.

For breakfast, lunch or an afternoon “tete a tete”, Cocoa is the choice for discerning Brightonians. As commented by a recent French visitor: ”Cocoa make the best croissant in Brighton, by far better than any I found in Paris.”

48 Queen’s Road, Brighton. 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional home-made French cuisine either with friends or for a romantic night out. A hidden gem in the heart of Kemp Town, and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu at two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays; and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday (ONLY LIMITED SPACES AVAILABLE DAILY). À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6-10pm for last orders.

10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église L’Église is a traditional French restaurant in Hove offering classic cuisine prepared for contemporary tastes. Offering a fantastic À la Carte menu Tuesday to Sunday together

with daily specials like Saucisses de Toulouse, Boeuf Bourguignon and Côte de Bœuf for two. Locally sourced produce include freshly caught fish of the day and an extensive anglo-french farmhouse cheeseboard. There are also a selection of superb French desserts on offer such as Raspberry Millefeuille and Crème Brulée.

Whether enjoying our south facing sun terrace with the 2 course Express lunch menu, Tuesday-Saturday, 12-5pm at £11.95 or relaxing on a Sunday with our delicious French Sunday roast… this is true entente cordiale.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

INDIAN Chaula’s “The food of India, not just Indian food.”

New on the scene in Lewes and unlike other Indian restaurants, Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes: bhindi kadhi, pista chicken, lamb rajasthani, and many more, and for its distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. There is also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. They have a buffet available 11am-3pm Mon-Sat, alongside a ‘light bites’ menu. It’s definitely a hot favourite with the people of Lewes!

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is a family run Indian bistro in the famous old lanes serving stunning food. Fronted by Brighton chef Alun Sperring, who has recently returned from Jumeirah in Dubai and has spent the last twenty years learning his trade around the world. The restaurant has a relaxed and informal feel, with an emphasis on authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. The daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. Dinner is a more refined affair. Feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala to name a few. Paired with a carefully chosen selection of Belgian and micro brewery beers to include original India pale ale.

42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

ITALIAN Donatello The flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. It is popular with locals in the week but at the weekend it draws an audience from London.

There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo Supposedly the budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Once again, quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95.

16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

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ANDREW KAY LITE

Home time Andrew Kay enjoys a leisurely brunch at Queens Park Brunch may well be a silly invented word but it’s certainly a great meal. I often find myself skipping breakfast and heading towards the middle of the day feeling the need for brunch. And the brunch concept brings with it a whole host of interesting dishes that are synonymous.

At Home brunch has fast become something of an institution, especially at the weekends when a spot of essential weekend shopping can be rewarded with a relaxed late morning meal with family or friends, sharing the papers and good conversation. Home is the ideal place to do it to with a very relaxed family atmosphere and approach to life. The key is no pressure and that is certainly what I am looking for at this time of day. I don’t want to be challenged by strange food or complicated service. At the same time I do want good food – especially when it comes to classics.

I took along Ms C for a late brunch on a chill autumn Friday and already the place was busy. I have to say that despite the number of young children the atmosphere remained calm and grown-up, probably as the children were all very well-behaved and enjoying the excellent food, no kids menu, as such, just smaller portions – exactly as it should be. Ms C ordered eggs Benedict with smoked salmon. I like the smoked salmon twist on this dish especially as good smoked salmon is easier to find than good ham. It arrived looking dreamy, billowing poached eggs with perfect runny yolks were topped with plenty of good hollandaise.

The sauce was a rich-cream colour and in good quantity, too often the presence of hollandaise is parsimonious. There was no scent of uncooked vinegar either – another common fault. The dish was faultless.

I chose a Tuscan platter, it had a summery ring to it and I was holding on to that idea of a summer for grim death. The platter was packed with great olives, artichoke hearts, salads, grilled chorizo and great toasted bread. The humus was not ready but I happily accepted baba ganoush,

Sawadee

SRI LANKAN Moonstone Sri Lankan Restaurant Moonstone is a family run restaurant brimming with authenticity and originality.

From the decorations to the menu everything about it radiates true Sri Lankan style. This gem of a restaurant is the perfect place for a relaxing and enjoyable meal for all the family. Sri Lankan curries are tasty but not necessarily hot! They are distinguished by being light, delicately spicy with an abundance of herbs and a dash of fresh coconut – tantalising to the palette and light to digest. Two courses £9.99 – Sunday to Thursday. They also cater for functions and private parties.

208 Church Road, Hove. 01273 202151 www.moonstonesrilankanrestaurant.co.uk

THAI Chokdee A premium takeaway and informal eaterie next to Hove Station where you can enjoy real Thai cooking. Chokdee serves a variety of popular Thai dishes, including tom yum soup, pad thai (stir-fried noodles) favourite red and green curries and a range of freshly stir-fried dishes, with vegetarian options.

There’s a selection of home-made starters priced from £3.95. A plate of mixed starters is good value at £8.95 and includes chicken satay, Thai fishcakes, mini spring rolls and mee krob noodles. Main courses include a good selection of vegetarian, duck and seafood dishes, and are made to each individual order using authentic Thai

roasted aubergine purée, as an alternative. It was delicious, rich and creamy, but light at the same time.

To drink the classic brunch beverage of course, a Bloody Mary. I had the full works with a shot of vodka, but Ms C had a virgin version – without the booze. Mine certainly knocked the sharp corners off a long week. And for all those bars that claim Brighton’s best Bloody Mary I suggest you get down and try one at Home where the spicing was exactly right.

It would have been nice to finish off with cakes, but we were just too full. Home once again proves that it deserves its growing reputation.

Home, 32 Egremont Place, Brighton BN2 0GA. Call 01273 674456 www.homebrighton.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle ingredients such as holy basil, kaffir lime leaves and galangal, coconut milk and chillis. Chokdee is licensed, with wines, saké and Thai beers. Open Monday to Saturday, for lunch and in the evening.

98 Goldstone Villas, Hove 01273 720370 www.chokdeethai.co.uk

Sabai The Thai word ‘sabai’ means comfortable, relaxed and chilled – precisely the way you’ll feel when you dine or have a drink with us.

Filled with stylish, genuine Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. Browse our extensive menu of unique Sabai dishes, while sampling a cocktail or a bottle of wine from our comprehensive wine list. Try our gastronomic Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – many of which are grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners back in Thailand. Come and enjoy – or as they say in Thailand: “Sanuk”!

165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030 www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Cheer the spirit with a visit to this popular Thai restaurant in the heart of Kemp Town. At Sawadee you can expect a warm welcome and an informal atmosphere in which to enjoy traditional Thai food from an established team. Each dish is freshly made and the menu offers a range of fiery red and green curries, colourful stir fry dishes, and specialities such as local sea bass drenched in a warming ginger and yellow bean sauce.

Try large prawns in golden shredded coconut batter or fruity beancurd with pineapple and red tomatoes. You can choose a lovely crisp white or mellow red wine to accompany your Thai meal and there are three different popular Oriental beers on offer. Don’t miss the great value set menus starting at £14.95 for a four-course, authentic Thai meal.

Sawadee Thai Restaurant, 87 St James Street, Brighton BN2 1TP, 01273 624233

8am-6pm, Sat 8:30am-6pm, Sun 9am-5pm.

Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas.

They have an excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options like pistachio and orange biscotti. Moksha is not your usual high street coffee shop with its spacious interior and the works of local artists. They are child friendly, have disabled access and free WIFI. Now open late Thur/Fri/Sat offering free aperitivos with any bottle of wine and 2-4-1 cocktails from 5–7pm.

Located opposite St Peters Church and only a stones’ throw away from Brighton Station.

Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, Brighton, 01273 248890, www.mokshacaffe.com

COFFEE SHOPS BARS Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries. A place where customers are attended to by a dedicated team of the very best baristas, whose driving motivation is to provide the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views. Everyone can find a place to sit and sip, get wrapped up in a good book, take advantage of the free Wi-Fi or just relax.

Spinelli Coffee is located in the heart of Kemp Town Village, just off the corner of St George’s Road and College Road. Mon-Fri

Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent.

Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. To book your private party, reserve your guestlist or to run through some ideas please contact: Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, 01273 720059, www.kobauk.com

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150 latest 7 21

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“What a magical menagerie to delight the eyes and ears of any child” The Stage

Timeless tales Make your children’s Christmas sparkle with fairytale magic from the Kiev Classical Ballet and Orchestra This year Brighton Dome is proud to welcome the Kiev Classical Ballet and Orchestra for their Brighton debut, with a double bill of two children's favourites: Peter and the Wolf and The Carnival of the Animals.

The much-loved fairytale Peter and the Wolf tells of a brave young boy who, despite his grandfather's warnings, ventures into the meadow near their cottage and risks a

dangerous encounter with the wolf from the forest.

After the wolf gobbles up a duck, fearless Peter and his friend the bird manage to outwit the wolf and save the day.

Prokofiev's timeless fable is a true masterpiece of music for children, each character brought vividly to life with its own instrumental theme.

In the hands of the Kiev Classical Ballet and Orchestra, Saint Saens' The Carnival of the Animals becomes an exotic birthday parade of colourful creatures – the regal lion, slowcoach tortoise, lumbering elephants, skipping kangaroos, extrovert goldfish and the graceful swan, whose entrance is accompanied by the famous movement of the suite – a classical favourite.

Steeped in the tradition of the Russian ballet – gorgeous costumes, breathtaking choreography and flawless dancing – this spellbinding production is the perfect introduction to the world of ballet and orchestral music for the young and young at heart.

Get ready for Christmas with the enchanting spectacle of the Russian ballet.

Sat 13 Dec 7.30pm, Sun 14 Dec 2pm & 5.30pm, Mon 15 Dec 7.30pm, Tue 16 Dec, schools matinee 1.30pm, schools tickets £6.50. Tickets £10, £15, £20, £22, £24.

Children half price on top two tickets. Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org

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latest listings Your weekly guide to what’s on

4 – 10 November

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Brighton City Festival: Underworld Wading through the Day-glo human remains of nineties clubbing littered about the Brighton Centre foyer, you’d be forgiven for assuming tonight’s show would be some horrible retread of forty-something ravers’ mis-spent youth. Thankfully, the pioneering electronic headliners dismiss any thoughts of stale repetition with a blisteringly good set of storming house classics.

Giant fluorescent glowsticks becoming Superman’s neon Fortress of Solitude as glittery hero Karl Hyde jigs about the stage like a mental pixie. Pong, Asteroids and Space Invaders provide the psychedelic backdrop to a hallucinogenic hit of pure, brilliant rhythm. For one night only, this normally sedate venue became clubbing heaven.

Brighton Centre, 24 October ✌✌✌✌ Nick Aldwinckle

Phil Nichol Bounding about the stage looking like a young Oliver Reed with an

Andrew Kay

Attention Deficit Disorder comes Phil Nichol, a Canadian with limitless energy and infectious enthusiasm. He's candid about not having written a new show this year, choosing instead to patchwork one together from old successes – a greatest hits standup. This evoked a smiling response from those who had seen the originals, but his mix and match attitude made sure there was something new for most and huge laughs from the Nichol virgins.

Pavilion Theatre, 23 October ✌✌✌✌

HOT REVIEW OF THE WEEK Jeremy Hardy Hardy ambles onto stage, these days looking like an amiable uncle. But there is nothing benign about his material and in a set lasting nearly two hours he manages to cover the ground. More commentator than comedian, his wit seems gentle, but the message is powerful. And he builds a lovely rapport with the Brighton audience who he brands as tolerant despite having nothing to tolerate. At times he seems adrift but soon rallies with another set piece of perfectly crafted vitriol.

Fast becoming a national institution Hardy is deserving of the title.

The Corn Exchange 22 October ✌✌✌✌✌ Andrew Kay

Romeo and Juliet RSC Neil Bartlett once more works magic. Gripping from curtain up, his telling of Romeo and Juliet has a dark threat of violence from the start. The boys, hardly men, have a dandyish swagger and an edginess that pervades the play – even nurse has a cruel edge.

Resetting the play in 1930s Italy works brilliantly and the cast give a superb ensemble performance with no weak links. But the real art is in the direction and Bartlett has created a production in which the drama is all there but never at the loss of the verse. I have never heard Shakespeare told with such clarity.

Theatre Royal Brighton, 23 October ✌✌✌✌✌

Victoria Nangle

Dr John New Orleans legend who got caught up in Hurricane Katrina, perhaps ironically giving him a a new lease of life as his most recent album The City that Care Forgot is proving to be his best for many years. Back in town after his solo show last year, Mac Rebennack brought with him a small band, and proceeded to boogie their way through the evening, enrapturing a crowd full of afficiandos. With that extreme drawl, and that deceptively lazy ‘peeana’ style, there’s still plenty of midnight bar-room funk, blues and rock’n’roll in his tank.

The Dome Concert Hall, 21 October ✌✌✌✌ Jeff Hemmings

Tom Wrigglesworth – I’m Struggling To See How That’s Helping Tom Wrigglesworth is bright, has a great train of thought, an indignant stance and a gruff, but friendly, persona. But he wasn’t left to get on with his show.

We got great chunks of highly entertaining material, gaining momentum and drawing us into a Wrigglesworth world of household products put back on wrong shelves in supermarkets and spring-bound pensioners, only to have it interrupted by hecklers mistaking an intimate gig for a comedy hustings.

I’m sure seeing the full show would have been great fun, possibly five stars, unfortunately others in the audience seemed to be more interested in their own contributions.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 25 October ✌✌✌

Michael Fassbender in Hunger, reviewed p26

24 Comedy The scariest gig

24 Art Vietnam through a lens

25 Stage Holiday on Ice behind the scenes, plus listings

26 Film Hunger, Future Shorts 2008 and local listings

28 Events Charity balls and lunches for Christmas; listings

28 Books A special Russian poet reviewed, plus listings

29 Music A whale of a time with Noah; gigs; reviews

33 Music & Clubs Get out and shake it all about, plus listings

34 Gay Will in the mix, gay news and latest listings

36 Television Dani’s not feeling the love; plus seven days of lip-smacking listings

Victoria Nangle

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk latest 7 23

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STAND-UP COMEDY

ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle looks at the different challenges faced by comedians who dare to step into the bear pit of kids’ comedy Kids’ comedy is a tough gig. Ever tried making a child laugh without a parental warm-up? Kids are brutal. They can smell desperation a mile off.

And they know exactly what it is. An adult audience has grown into its own insecurities so takes a while to be sure of just how desperate the comic is. Kids have a naïve certainty and an absolute confidence in an adult to do exactly what they say they’re going to do on the tin. If it doesn’t match completely with the trade description you’ll know about it in quick time.

This all came about when I went to see Comedy 4 Kids at Komedia with my 10-year-old cousin. The afternoon show is aimed at six to 12-yearolds and, not being a parent myself, I’d only thought vaguely about what a challenge this would actually be to not only appeal to any clown’s harshest critic but also to span the age gap that has led to many a sibling snubbing in the playground. As my cousin said about a fella singing songs about vomiting; “he’s using words a six-year-old won’t understand and he’s just singing about throwing up.” We have a more sophisticated generation than we give them credit for. Bodily functions are not the be and end all for this crowd.

“There’s also the intolerance children have for being talked down to – ask any failed babysitter” He had a strong point about vocabulary too. It’s not just a concept that’s got to appeal across the board to all ages, but the way in which it’s communicated. It’s all very well saying, I’ll just take the swear words out and any reference to non PG-13 subjects, but if part of your shtick is using funny words you might want to check that a six-year-old knows what ‘defecation’ means. It might make a bunch of students titter if you avoid swearing in this way, but if it’s impressive on a Scrabble board you may just want to give it a miss to those who can quote you all the minor as well as the major characters in Harry Potter.

There’s also the renowned intolerance children have for being talked down to – just ask any failed babysitter. Certainly an addition to the challenge for any comic performing to such a broad age range. The more I consider it, it’s like watching a tightrope walker pick up more and more awkwardly balanced props.

However – and this is a biggy as far as I’m concerned – if kids get to be given the oldest aspects of our comedic traditions with daily doses of television slapstick, they have every right to enjoy the newest too. I don’t want to foster another generation who believe that all entertainment can be contained in a metal box plugged into the wall. It’s good to get them out there seeing live entertainment at its best. And if that’s a bit more difficult for the performers – tough. No one said it would be easy.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “I’ve done a bit of Latin in my time… but I can control it.” Eddie Izzard

COMEDYLISTINGS Tuesday 4

Lee Evans – Big Following the sell-out success of his 2005 UL UK tour, Britain's favourite funny man is back with another monster tour. The start of a six-night run, finishing on Sunday.

Brighton Centre 8pm, £30

Tag Comedy Stephen Grant is joined by Junior Simpson, Lloyd Langford and Bewn Norris for another journey through the random minds of comics. One comic on stage, three offstage – all tagging in and out. Very funny.

Komedia, 8pm, £7.50/5.50

Thursday 6

Friday 7

Walks Into A Bar A chance to catch local rising comics trying out new sets and even taking their first tentative steps onto the comedy boards.

The London Unity, 9pm, free.

Krater Comedy Club Brighton favourite Jo Enright joins Phil Butler, Jason Wood and MC Geoff Whiting to kick off the weekend with a cracking comedy night. This line-up is repeated in Saturday’s Krater show.

Komedia, 6:30pm, £12.50/10

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➧ For full listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

An Iraqi boy celebrates after setting fire to a damaged US vehicle attacked earlier by insurgents © Ghaith Abdul-Ahad/ Getty Images

Mirror lens The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have reactivated memories of past conflicts – particularly Vietnam – and of the use of photographic images in stoking and opposing war. This Brighton Photo Biennial exhibition shows images from all sides of the conflict, including those taken by the armies of Vietnam, which will be shown alongside the work of better known western photojournalists including Philip Jones Griffiths, Don McCullin, Larry Burrows and Tim Page.

Iraq Through the Lens of Vietnam will also look at a lens-based environment of images at a time of rapid image transmission from digital devices, including some truly shocking images taken at the infamous Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.

Iraq Through The Lens Of Vietnam, University of Brighton Gallery, until Sunday 16 November.

ART LISTINGS Fairtrade Gallery Montague Place, Brighton, 07990 511576 Mixed Show With local artists Alex Binnie, Pam Glew, Jim Sanders and Craig Shuttlewood. Saturday 1 November sees a special one-off collaboration between Jim Sanders and South African artists and live music with The Crux.

Sat 11am–6pm, or by appointment

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: working class life in Brighton, 1860-1935 Exhibition revealing rare images of local working class life including the people and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived.

Until 26 April 2009 Susan Trangmar: A Play In Time Intimate study of St. Ann’s Well Gardens.

Until 16 Nov, Tue 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

Norfolk, Paul Seawright and Broomberg and Chanarin.

Until 4 Jan, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

Fabrica 40 Duke Street, Brighton 01273 778646 Thomas Hirschhorn: The Incommensurable Banner Hirschhorn makes images that draws upon pictures, of bodies torn apart by modern munitions.

Until 16 November, Wed–Sat, 11.30am–5pm, Sun, 2–5pm

University of Brighton Grand Parade, Brighton, 01273 643010 Iraq Through The Lens of Vietnam This Brighton Photo Biennial exhibition shows images from all sides in the conflicts and includes work by Tim Page, Larry Burrows, Don McCullin and Philip Jones Griffiths.

Until 15 November, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

Phoenix Gallery Crane Kalman 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton, 01273 697096 FotoRAMBLAS: Portraits from a Barcelona studio: The studio’s archive dating back to the 50s includes boxers, wrestlers, showgirls, musicians and actors alongside more traditional portraiture, Until Sunday 9 November, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10:30am–4:30pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 The Sublime Image of Destruction Battlefield ‘aftermath’ images with bleak, lyrical and painterly images by Simon

10–14 Waterloo Place, Brighton, 01273 603700 Entre-deux new work arising out of a photographic exchange project involving Phoenix Brighton and French partner Diaphane. Part of Brighton Photo Fringe.

Until 6 Dec, Tues–Sat 11am–5pm

Blue Dog 20 Gardner Street, Brighton, 01273 622440 Eyes Wide Open Brighton photo Fringe exhibition plus works by contemporary artists at this excellent addition to the scene in Brighton.

Until 16 November, Mon–Sat 11am–5.30pm, Sundays 12–5pm

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STAGE show [Extravaganza] it cemented our friendship. We said that if we ever had the opportunity, it would be great to work together again, and then about five years later, they invited me to make another ice show and Robin and I made the first of three shows together. I think Robin is one of the finest skating choreographers in the world, there’s, no question about it.

What is it that he brings to it?

It’s theatricality and musicality. Musicality for a choreographer is vital. So many times I’ve seen skaters lacking musicality. He’s brought an athleticism and musicality and what I love about Robin, as a choreographer, is that he has continued in that vein and has brought that kind of artistry and I sit in awe watching him choreograph.

Dance master Anthony Van Laast MBE, choreographer of stage spectaculars, on why he loves Holiday On Ice and working with Robin Cousins How did you first get involved with Holiday on Ice? It was interesting. I choreographed two big shows in Las Vegas, I choreographed a show for Siegfried & Roy, the magicians with the white tigers, and I worked with Michael Crawford at the MGM hotel. Each one, at its time, was the biggest show ever done in Vegas. I have a bit of a name in Vegas, and Betty Goodhart, the wife of the owner of Holiday on Ice, approached me about doing an ice show around 12 years ago. First, I thought oh my God, ice show is a bit ‘end of the pier’, I can’t really be doing that. However, she persuaded me to go to Germany to have a look at the Holiday on Ice shows and I was absolutely enamoured by them and thought they were fantastic, I really loved them. So I said I would be interested in doing something and I made my first show, [Extravaganza] about eleven years ago.

You worked with Robin Cousins on Extravaganza and he has choreographed Mystery, do you enjoy collaborating?

Robin and I have been friends for years. When he came and did that

STAGELISTINGS

Tues 4 November to Monday 17 November BRIGHTON DOME 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org London Philharmonic Orchestra Tchaikovsky’s second piano concerto.

• 8 Nov, 7.30pm, £10–£32.50

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Mine A wealthy couple long for a child.

• 4–8 Nov, 7.45pm, plus 2.15pm Thu & Sat, £18/£2 off Tue–Thu eve and matinee.

Circus of Horrors: The Apocalypse in the Asylum Fire eaters, acrobats and wild circus acts. Not suitable for children under 16.

• 7 Nov, 7.30pm, £12.50–£22 Liberty 1793 Paris, based on Anatole France’s novel Les Dieux ont Soif. Belinda Lang stars.

• 11–15 Nov, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm matinee Sat, Minerva Theatre, £15/13 Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights A new adaptation by April de Angelis. Festival Theatre.

• 12–15 Nov, 7.45pm plus 2pm matinee Wed & Sat, £10–£27

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Flashdance – The Musical Feel-good show • 4–8 November, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £16.50–£28.50

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk ‘Allo ‘Allo René’s the most wanted man in occupied France in this well-loved comedy.

• 4–8 November, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50 Victor Spinetti – A Very Private Diary...

Revisited Comedy, gossip and revelations.

• 9 November, 7.30pm, £15.50 Alan Ayckbourn’s Affairs In A Tent Comedy, focused on riotous goings-on at sports day.

• 11–15 November, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50

EASTBOURNE: WINTER GARDEN 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

If you would like to comment on these stories please email andrew@thelatest.co.uk

You’ve said before that Britain hasn’t really embraced the ice show in the way that European communities have, do you think it’s the cheesiness that is sometimes is associated with it?

I do think Holiday on Ice has had a strange name in England, in Europe, it’s this phenomenally successful dance company.

One can’t disguise the fact that an ice show is a great variety show, and I think this country, has become kind of blasé about any kind of variety and I think it’s a huge mistake. I went to The Palladium the other week and I watched a magic variety show and the audience absolutely loved it. We have no variety on TV any more, so it’s been taken out of the psyche of our culture here, and I think it’s a real pity. People in this country don’t put the ice show at the top of their list, but once you’ve been to an ice show and you’ve had a good time, you will want to go again.

Do you ever get on the ice?

No! I can skate, but I think that all the skaters have so much respect for me that if I got on the ice, immediately any respect they had would disappear. So, I would rather remain this authoritarian figure on the edge of the ice, who everyone thinks knows what he’s talking about, rather than being the idiot on his bottom in the middle. Also, I respect the ice and you can injure yourself very easily, which would be very stupid at my stage in my career. I don’t think people realise when they see an ice show, how difficult and dangerous the stuff they’re doing is.

Is this your best ice show so far?

It’s very hard to say, because every one you do is the best you can make it. There are sections with Robin’s choreography that are absolutely exceptional. Then I look back at other shows and think that some of those sections were exceptional. What I’d love to do one day is make a ‘best of’, because I think we’ve done some really good work together.

Holiday on Ice ‘Mystery‘, The Brighton Centre, Kings Road, Brighton, Friday 9 Jan to Sunday 1 Feb 2009. Bookings: www.ticketmaster.co.uk or call 0844 8471515

The Tiger Who Came To Tea Judith Kerr’s book is bought to life, ideal for youngsters.

• 4–5 November, 1.30pm Mon, 11am & 1.30pm Tue, 11am Wed, £7.50/£2 The Poisoned Kiss: Vaughan Williams Romantic/comic opera in a fairytale world.

• 9 November, 3pm, £19–£29

• 4–8 Nov, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, £13–£25 The Full Monty Six unemployed workers perform in the buff to pay their bills.

• 11–15 Nov, 7.45pm Tue–Thu, 6pm & 9pm Fri & Sat. £14–£23

UPSTAIRS AT THREE AND TEN THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Shorts II Four short plays – evening of drama.

• 6–11 Nov, contact venue for show times/prices Have Box/Will Travel Semi-autobiographical story of a boy in pursuit of a dream.

• 11 Nov, contact venue for show times/prices.

A November Day Ages 10–15 and up. First World War tale of two men, a dog and war.

• 14 Nov, contact venue for show times/prices.

07786 984900 10 Steine Street, Brighton Samuel Beckett Double Bill: Play & Not I Otherplace Productions present two classics.

• 4–6 Nov, 8pm, call for prices.

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk The Producers Comedy musical.

• 4–8 Nov, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed & Sat The Woman in Black A lawyer believes a spectre has out a curse on him and his family.

• 10–15 Nov, 7.30pm, 2pm Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £13–£20.50

LATEST MUSIC BAR

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE

01273 687171 www.thelatest.co.uk/musicbar Roy & Tony’s Club Comedy, theatre and music • 7 Nov, 7pm, £10/£8, £20 with dinner.

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Vienna Festival Ballet – Swan Lake Set to Tchaikovsky’s glorious music.

• 7 Nov, 7pm, £11.50–£19.50 The Poisoned Kiss The comic/romantic opera.

• 8 Nov, 7.30pm, £19–£28 Me & My Girl A cockney boy’s in line to become an earl – enter gold-digging mistresses.

• 11–15 Nov, 7.30pm,2.30 Wed/Sat,£10–£15

THEATRE ROYAL 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal And Then There Were None Agatha Christie’s gripping mystery.

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FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 4

Thursday 6

BURN AFTER READING (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 GHOST TOWN (12A) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 8.45 GONE BABY GONE (15) 8.15 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 1.00, 2.30, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 9.15 IGOR (PG) 12.00 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.00, 4.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00 SAW V (18) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15

BURN AFTER READING (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 THE DARK KNIGHT (12A) 10.30 EAGLE EYE (12A) 8.15 GHOST TOWN (12A) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 8.45 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 1.00, 2.30, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 9.15 IGOR (PG) 12.00 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.00, 4.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00 SAW V (18) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15

Wednesday 5 BURN AFTER READING (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 EAGLE EYE (12A) 8.15 GHOST TOWN (12A) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 8.45 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 1.00, 2.30, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 9.15 IGOR (PG) 12.00 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.00, 4.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00 SAW V (18) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15

L7 lowdown New releases reviewed

7 Selects

Films showing Friday 7–Monday 10 BURN AFTER READING (15) EAGLE EYE (12A) GHOST TOWN (12A) HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) SAW V (18) W (15) THE WARLORDS (18) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILMS/TIMES

Hunger (15) www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 4

Saturday 8

QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45

BRIGHTON WOK: THE LEGEND OF GANJA BOXING (18) 11.30 HUNGER(15) 3.30 MET. OPERA: DOCTOR ATOMIC (N/C) 5.45, 6.00 OF TIME AND THE CITY (12A) 1.30 THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE (U) 11.00

Wednesday 5 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 11.00 (BIG SCREAM), 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.15

Thursday 6 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45

Friday 7 FUTURE SHORTS 2008 (N/C) 11.00 HUNGER(15) 4.00, 8.00 OF TIME AND THE CITY (12A) 2.00, 6.00

HUNGER(15) 4.00, 8.00 OF TIME AND THE CITY (12A) 2.00, 6.00

Monday 10 HUNGER(15) 4.00, 8.00 OF TIME AND THE CITY (12A) 2.00, 6.00

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 4

Thursday 6

BURN AFTER READING (15) 4.10, 6.45, 9.15 EAGLE EYE (12A) 11.20, 2.10 GHOST TOWN (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 11.30, 12.20, 2.30, 3.10, 5.15, 5.50, 8.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 1.20 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 10.00, 11.00, 11.40, 12.40, 1.40, 2.20, 3.20, 4.20, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 7.40, 8.40, 9.40, 10.20 SAW V (18) 4.50, 7.10, 9.30

BURN AFTER READING (15) 4.10, 6.45, 9.15 EAGLE EYE (12A) 11.20, 2.10 GHOST TOWN (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 11.30, 12.20, 2.30, 3.10, 5.15, 5.50, 8.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 1.20 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 10.00, 11.00, 11.40, 12.40, 1.40, 2.20, 3.20, 4.20, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 7.40, 8.40, 9.40 SAW V (18) 4.50, 7.10, 9.30

Wednesday 5

Films showing Friday 7–Monday 10

BURN AFTER READING (15) 4.10, 6.45, 9.15 EAGLE EYE (12A) 11.20, 2.10 GHOST TOWN (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 11.30, 12.20, 2.30, 3.10, 5.15, 5.50, 8.00 MAMMA MIA!(PG) 1.20 QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) 10.00, 11.00, 11.40, 12.40, 1.40, 2.20, 3.20, 4.20, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 7.40, 8.40, 9.40, 10.20 SAW V (18) 4.50, 7.10, 9.30

BURN AFTER READING (15) EAGLE EYE (12A) GHOST TOWN (12A) HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A) SAW V (18) W (15) THE WARLORDS (18) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 4–Thurs 6 Nov

Sat 8 Nov

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (PG) 3.00 (Weds), 5.45, 8.20 (Weds)

SPACE CHIMPS (U) 10.15

QUANTUM OF SOLACE (12A)2.00 (Tues, Weds, Sat-Mon), 5.15 (Fri-Mon), 5.45 (Weds), 8.00 (Fri-Mon), 8.15 (Tues-Thurs)

26 latest 7

Michael Fassbender as Sands is captivating and McQueen’s treatment of a sensitive subject is considered and concise yet never anything but humane. This is a brutal but honest epitaph to integrity and human resolve.

Showing at Duke of York’s .

Craig Driver

Sunday 9

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Tues 4–Mon 10 Nov

Dir: Steve McQueen This startling debut feature from Turner Prize-winning artist McQueen is a taut but brilliant telling of the IRA Maze prison hunger strikes in the eighties. The film focuses on the final months of activist Bobby Sands and his attempt to force the British government to recognise the political legitimacy of the IRA.

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Future Shorts 2008 (N/C)

Of Time and the City (12A)

Dir: Various Future Shorts 2008 works as a worldwide short film festival providing an alternative to the traditional festival model. The event is accompanied by live music, performers and installations from the likes of the We Change The Frequency DJs. The screening includes an exclusive collection of short films including Wes Anderson’s Hotel Chevalier starring Natalie Portman and an exclusive preview of the Cinematic Orchestra’s To Build A Home.

Showing at Duke of York’s

Director: Terence Davies Screened to rapturous applause at Cannes, this wonderful documentary was created as part of the Digital Departures scheme, set up to tie in with Liverpool’s City of Culture status.

This heartfelt paean to Davies’ hometown blends serene nostalgia with contemporary and archive footage. Narrated by Davies himself with succinct grace, this is one film fully deserving of unprecedented acclaim. Beautiful doesn’t cover it.

Showing at Duke of York’s

Craig Driver

Win tickets to Cinecity: The Brighton Film Festival opening night event Cinecity, The Brighton Film Festival opens on 20 November with a preview screening of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, the latest film from Woody Allen, starring Javier Bardem, Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz, at the Duke of York’s Picturehouse. The evening is sponsored by Pintxo People.

The festival runs from 20 November to 7 December at venues across the city.

If features the usual mix of exciting previews and premieres of feature films and documentaries; artists’ cinema; education and industry events; films by local film-makers; and the Dance For The Camera Festival.

For full programme information and to buy tickets go to www.cine-city.co.uk The Latest has three pairs of tickets to give away to the Cinecity opening night. Winners will be able to attend the screening of Vicky Cristina Barcelona at The Duke of York’s Picturehouse at 6.30pm, and then join the Cinecity guests at a special reception at Pintxo People where cocktails and tapas will be served.

To win, simply answer the following question: Which actress plays Maria in the film?

Send your answers to competitions@thelatest.co.uk by 17 November.

Don’t forget to include your name, contact address and telephone number.

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FILM Barkley; a secret film from The Adventures in Short Film DVD and the brilliant cut and paste animation The Master Control.

Future Shorts is involved in the organisation of cinematic events as a new way of exposing people to short films in different environments, combining a variety of creative ideas. Future Shorts has become a must-attend event at music festivals like Glastonbury, The Big Chill and Nokia Lab in Russia as well as the Future Cinema at the London Film Festival and Rock‘n’Roll Cinema, where shorts are mixed with music to spectacular effect.

So grab the chance to opportunity to indulge in a much maligned art form whilst kicking back and experiencing cinema in a multifaceted and intoxicating environment. www.futureshorts.com Future Shorts 2008 launches at the Duke of York’s Picturehouse on Friday 7 November.

Back to the Future Latest 7 takes a look at the forthcoming Future Shorts film extravaganza as it comes to Brighton Since 2003, Future Shorts has created a rapidly expanding network giving filmmakers the opportunity to have their work seen.

Passionately believing in getting short films seen and creating a culture around the medium, Future Shorts is recognised by filmmakers and the industry as a leading light in the film community.

Now in its fifth year and in tandem with its own birthday celebrations, Future Shorts will drop in to Brighton on Friday 7 November at the Duke of York’s. Future Shorts works as a worldwide short film festival providing an alternative system to the traditional film festival

model. Filmmakers have the chance to get their work seen all over the world from just one submission. This year’s exhibition will provide an alternative cinematic experience, where screenings will be accompanied by multimedia elements including live music and rescores, performers and installations. The Brighton leg includes an exclusive collection of short films including Wes Anderson’s charming and comical Hotel Chevalier starring Natalie Portman; an exclusive preview of the Cinematic Orchestra’s To Build A Home; a music video from Gnarls

Also showing…

A quick look at what’s on this week Burn After Reading (15) Dir: Joel and Ethan Coen The Coen brothers stick to doing what they know best with this acclaimed caper about an incompetent pair of colleagues trying to blackmail an ex CIA agent. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, John Malkovich and Coen fave Frances McDormand head a fine ensemble cast.

Showing Cineworld and Odeon Eagle Eye (12A) Dir: D.J Caruso The director of Disturbia reunites with its star, Shia LaBeouf in this Hitchcock homage with a techno-thriller twist. LaBeouf plays a man singled out by unnamed conspirators, framed for crimes he hasn’t committed. Sporting ‘grown-up’ facial hair, LaBeouf continues on the path to full blown leading man status.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Dark Knight (12A) Dir: Christopher Nolan Christopher Nolan’s brilliant reimagining of the caped crusader sees the late Heath Ledger steal the show as Bat’s deranged nemesis, The Joker Showing at Odeon

Ghost Town (12A) Dir: David Koepp Ricky Gervais’s first big screen leading role has had mixed reviews and with the curious mix of talent onboard, it’s understandable why.

Gervais plays a sociopathic dentist, going by the odd moniker Bertram Pincus. When Pincus has a near-death experience, he finds he now has the ability to see and hear dead people.

Greg Kinnear is amongst the ghoulies badgering Gervais to reluctantly help right the wrongs they’ve suffered.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon High School Musical 3: Senior Year (U) Dir: Kenny Ortega Disney’s musical hit gets its second sequel.

Expect more of the same squeaky clean teens, old-fashioned song and dance routines and a million tweenie girls swooning over Zac Efron.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Worthing Igor (PG) Dir: Anthony Leondis A host of Brit character actors, including Eddie Izzard and John Cleese, as well as Hollywood favourites John Cusack and Steve Buscemi,

lend their voices to this animated tale of a mad scientist’s assistant who yearns for his own laboratory. Possibly not as creative as Pixar or as slick as Dreamworks, with this talented cast, you can be sure of the odd chuckle amongst the kids’ cheese.

Showing at Odeon Mamma Mia! (PG) Dir: Phyllida Lloyd The unrivalled feel-good hit of the summer, Mamma Mia! took more money in the UK than even The Dark Knight. Sing along to the Abba classics with Meryl Streep, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård and Pierce Brosnan all game for some high camp fun in this adaptation of the hit West End musical Showing at Cineworld Quantum of Solace (12A) Dir: Marc Forster The wait is over as Daniel Craig’s Bond returns.

Following the almost unparalleled critical success of last outing Casino Royale, Crash writer Paul Haggis and The Kite Runner’s director, Marc Forster, pull out all the stops.

Bond is seemingly on a quest for revenge after the death of his love, Vesper Lynd. The trail leads him to sinister environmentalist Dominic Greene (The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’s Mathieu Amalric), who is trying to control a country’s water supply. The regulars pop up,

including Judi Dench as M, as new Bond girls Gemma Arterton and Olga Kurylenko simmer.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld, Duke of York’s and Worthing Saw V (18) Dir: David Hackl Perhaps mercifully, this fifth instalment is apparently the last in this popular Halloween cinema staple. With Jigsaw and pretty much everyone else dead, only forensics expert Hoffman is left alive to carry on the grim deathtrap legacy.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (U) Dir: Stephen Hillenburg Everyone’s favourite camp cartoon sponge (erm, the only camp cartoon sponge) makes it to the big screen. Spongebob and Squidward have a massive following amongst kids and silly adults alike, so fans will gobble this up.

Showing at Duke of York’s Space Chimps (U) Dir:Kirk De Micco Kids’ animation about CHIMPS in SPACE! That’s all you need to know. Enjoy.

Showing at Worthing

Nick Aldwinckle

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KIDS&EVENTS

BOOKS

EVENTSHIGHLIGHTS Martlets Ladies Lunch The Martlets Hospice host a special lunch at The Grand Hotel in Brighton this Friday 7 November. Ladies can enjoy a delicious lunch, followed by an inspirational talk by Rebecca Stephens MBE. Rebecca was the first British woman to climb Everest and the Seven Summits, and she now uses her determination to inspire people to seek new horizons and achieve goals.

Hear firsthand about – quite literally – being on top of the world and be inspired by her personal achievement.

The special event begins at 11.20am with Christmas stalls open to browse and buy from, with money going to the Martlets Hospice. Lunch is served at 1pm followed by Rebecca’s talk.

The event is in aid of the Martlets Hospice, who work to provide excellent and compassionate care for adults, alleviating the distressing symptoms associated with serious illness. Come and support a good cause and be inspired to achieve new goals.

The Grand Hotel, Brighton, Friday 7 November, from 11.30am. Tickets cost £32 and include a two-course lunch with coffee. To buy tickets please call Antonia Sheppard at the Martlets Fundraising Office Call 01273 747455.

Burlesque Against Breast Cancer Ball There’s another fundraising event taking place this month, this time raising money for Macmillan Cancer Support.

Taking place at The Old Market on Thursday 6 November, the evening of burlesque entertainment will be compered by TV’s Mat Fraser (who’s introduced burlesque legends including Immodesty Blaize, Dirty Martini and Julie Atlas Muz). There will be performances from top international burlesque and variety artists including New York City’s signature aerialists Mantryx, Madonna and Vanessa Williams, Ministry of Burlesque founder Kittie Klaw and sultry pocket-sized cabaret siren, Dolores Delight.

The night is founded by entrepreneurs Emily Dubberley (internationally published author) Sam Eddison (internationally published photographer) and Fiona Fletcher (producer of shows including Le Scandal). Together, the three have created the show to raise money to help the 44,000 women and 300 men affected by breast cancer every year. The three women created this event after Emily’s mother was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year.

This special burlesque ball will help the thousands of people – both men and women – affected by breast cancer and raise money for a good cause – Macmillan Cancer Support.

Burlesque Against Breast Cancer Ball, Thursday 6 November at The Old Market, Upper Market Street, Hove from 6pm. Tickets cost £50 each. Over 18s only. Book at www.theoldmarket.co.uk or on 01273 736222.

EVENTSLISTINGS

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk

Write club John Davies is loving From Russia with Love, poems by the remarkable Russian poet Elena Shvarts I’ve just returned from The Limerick City International Poetry Festival where a fascinating discussion took place on translation. One of the most interesting contributors was Sussex poet and translator Sasha Dugdale. Sasha made the point that effective translation of poetry needs to capture not just as much as possible of the poet’s original meaning but also the music of the poetry.

Proof of her skill has just been published by Bloodaxe Books – translations of poems by the St. Petersburg poet Elena Shvarts Birdsong on the Seabed. Sasha acknowledges that poetry translation is a ‘perilous journey’ but believes that the quality of Shvarts’s work and the distinctive nature of the recent poetry mean there was a degree of urgency about translating it and opening it up to a non-Russian readership.

Sasha is a highly regarded poet herself – a Gregory Award winner with two published collections Notebook and Estate. So her translations are bright, solid poems in themselves.

Here’s just a sample from the poem The Circulation of Time in the Body: ‘This girl is someone’s daughter In her eyes the bluest water In her groin – the torn blank night And a rosy star.

But what time is it in her heart?

Entre chien et loup.

Satin twilight pours its blue Under the needle piercing it through.’

This excerpt illustrates many aspects about Shvarts the poet and Dugdale the expert translator.

Svarts poetry at times has the simplicity and density of Emily Dickinson, but it’s combined with surreal flourishes (quirky but gutwrenching juxtapositions, massive zooming of scale from universal to particular) that Dali would have been proud of. The metre and form often escape from traditional to dynamically innovative. The language cascades in bursts and torrents that in some of the longer poems makes them sheer tours de force – An Englishman Roasted in Moscow for example, and especially Grand Elegy on the Fifth Corner of the Earth. Like the excerpt quoted here this latter poem also illustrates the layer of spiritual questing in almost all the poems. Shvarts seems to be crucified in the gap between the desire for religion and its impossibility. Like the Holy Fools about which she writes so poignantly, Shvarts skirts madness. Like her city, created by Peter the Great as a bastion against river, sea and wind, Shvarts poetry is a valiant attempt to create a world view still infused with mystical energy against the storm of the secular.

Part of the power of the poetry that Dugdale has captured brilliantly is the imminent doom such a world view faces.

But then we all face that, don’t we?

BOOKSLISTINGS

Friday 7 Tuesday 4 The Space Guest speakers: BAFTA nominated visual effects supervisor Paul Franklin and children's laureate Michael Rosen. Networking event. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £5/3

Martlets Ladies Lunch Dinner followed by a talk with Rebecca Stephens, the first British woman to climb Everest. Christmas stalls open from 11.30am, lunch at 1pm. All funds to the Martlets Hospice. More info on 01273 747455.

Grand Hotel, 11:30am, £32.

Wednesday 5 Dinner Dance with Carl Simmons Dance night for the over 40s/50s: Carl Simmons plays Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Nat King Cole and more taking you back to the 1950s/60s over dinner. Places are limited so book in advance on 01273 326 741. Al Duomo, 7pm, £19.

28 latest 7

Upcoming book events...

Thursday 13 November Catalyst Club Special Two authors debate it out on the style of old traditions of a French Salon. Latest Music Bar (formerly Joogleberry Playhouse), 7:30pm, £6.

Saturday 8 90th Anniversary Remembrance Event BBC celebrate the 90th anniversary of Armistice.

With a WWI Antiques Roadshow, a remembrance concert and more. For all the family. Newhaven Fort, 11am–4pm

To feature in kids email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

Thursday 20 November Short Fuse Winter Slam Short story face off, with game show vibe, local author judges, glittering prizes, clap-o-meter and more!

Come along and put your story in the hat.

Theme – “Fancy!” Komedia, 8:30pm, £4.

Saturday 22 November Poetry South Poetry from Annie Freud and Muso Okwango. Redroaster Café, 8pm, £6/4

The Haiku and the Small Poem Workshop exploring various ways of writing haiku in English. Brighton Writer's Centre, 11am–4pm, £30.

029_LS397 Music_News

10/30/08

8:35 AM

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latest music ★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

NEWS

Whale of a time Folk-pop chart success story Noah and the Whale spoke to Nick Aldwinckle

Aggrolites ticket giveaway Latest 7 has a pair of tickets to give away for LA reggae band The Aggrolites’ gig at the Concorde 2 on Sunday 9 November. The band have released three acclaimed albums and even supported Madness. To enter, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk by Friday 7 November with ‘The Aggrolites’ as the subject heading and your full name and contact details. www.myspace.com/theaggrolites

Get Up and Use Me Journalist and writer Gary Mulholland is organising an evening of punk funk, twisted disco and perverted pop with live act Trance Farmers, aka Transformer and DJs Garry Crackdaddie and Guy Le Comte. As you can tell this is a night not taking itself too seriously but will nonetheless present some of the finest sounds to be found on planet punk funk.

Get Up and Use Me, Fortune Of War, 157 Kings Road Arches, Brighton, 9pm–late, £3

You may remember an upbeat, folk-pop tune playing seemingly everywhere that made this year’s non-summer a little bit sunnier. The rerelease of ‘Five Years Time’ by London four-piece Noah and the Whale was the breakthrough hit that saw the band reach number seven in the UK singles chart and their debut LP, Peaceful, the World Lays Me Down, reach number five in the album chart. The band’s rise to the top has been swift since forming in just 2006 and their sudden success coincides with the emergence of a number of similar sounding folk-influenced UK acts making huge strides. Latest 7 spoke to bassist Matt Urby, more commonly known as just Urby, ahead of the band’s UK, Europe and American tours.

How has ‘Five Years Time’ changed things?

I’d say the most noticeable difference was that we’d been playing festivals (we played about 26) and, as the song and album had come out and we’d got radio play, we got bigger crowds.

People have come to our shows just because of that song. We started out playing to three or four hundred people and we finished the summer playing to eight thousand. We were pre-booked to play smaller stages and these stages were rammed. We’d always much rather do that than play a massive tent that’s only half full. I don’t know if we could pull off our songs in a stadium!

There’s a lot of collaboration with other acts, including Laura Marling, Emmy The Great, Mumford and Sons, and Johnny Flynn and the Sussex Wit. How did you all get together?

I think by the very nature of being in a band, you meet a lot of people. You get put on similar gigs when you’re starting out with other bands people might draw parallels with. We were lucky to have Laura play and sing on the record and she was able to tour with the band for a while. Johnny

Flynn’s sister, Lilly, now sings with us. Charlie (Fink, vocals/guitar) produced Laura’s album and Tom (Holden, fiddle) did the string arrangements.

It’s all very organic and it’s nice when these things work naturally.

Are you trying to create a ‘new folk’ movement?

I don’t think so. Charlie wrote most of the first album with the sound of a female vocalist sitting alongside everything else. I think that’s all there is to it, but you can’t force these things. Looking back, it can seem far too pre-conceived. I mean, we don’t all live in a house together, you know?

There is collaboration but it’s as much a media thing that people try to say. People are always trying to find out what the next new thing’s going to be and lump stuff together for publicity.

Although there are similarities, each artist sounds individual and there’s no one ripping anyone off.

How big is this current wave of bands likely to get?

I’m really excited about it. Essentially with folk, you’re kind of stripping things away and returning to just good songwriting. I think this can be very accessible. People in essence just with acoustic instruments playing music. It’s back to basics. You need songwriting quality. In every however many years you’re going to get the need to return and reexamine something; you know, return to simplicity.

It’s a natural cycle: you deviate and deviate from something and then you come back to it.

Noah and the Whale, Friday 7 November, Concorde 2

Transformer

UPCOMING GIGS

The Streets The UK’s premier rapper is touring on the back of his recent top ten album Everything Is Borrowed.

Wednesday 28 January Brighton Dome, 01273 709709

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

Cardiacs 17 November, Komedia The Whip 18 November, Concorde 2 Ryan Adams 19 November, Dome Roddy Frame 20 November, Komedia Guillemots 22 November, St Georges Church Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds 23 November, Brighton Centre Nouvelle Vague 24 November, Corn Exchange Leonard Cohen 28 November,Brighton Centre Kings Of Leon 1 December, Brighton Centre Primal Scream 2 December, Dome Alabama 3 2 & 3 December, Concorde 2 Fujiya & Miyagi 3 December, Pav Theatre Will Young 4 December, Dome Human League 5 December, Brighton Centre Neville Staple 6 December, Concorde 2 Joan As Policewoman 7 Dec, Concorde 2

Jools Holland 6 December, Brighton Centre James 9 December, Dome Counting Crows 11 Dec, Brighton Centre Blind Boys of Alabama 12 December, Dome Status Quo 12 December, Brighton Centre Maddy Prior 15 December, Hove Centre Stereophonics 16 December, Brighton Centre The Fratellis 17 December, Dome The Damned 20 December, Komedia Sensational Alex Harvey Band 22 Dec, Concorde 2 Bad Manners 23 Dec, Concorde 2 The Streets 28 January, Dome Richard Thompson 31 January, Dome Keane 10 February, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome

latest 7 29

030_LS397 music previews/Jaime

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CLUBS

MUSIC

Jaime ‘til dawn

MUSIC

Jaime Pettit practises some parentstyle dancing for Pop Rocks at Arc and finds all the kids are doing it Pop Rocks DJs Gazz Marlow and Matt Johnson are the modern day Victor Frankensteins who engineered the monster Tuesday night success, Guerilla Rocks. Now they are back and raiding their parents’ vinyls for Pop Rock.

I enter to a room of buffed-up Bravo types and their sweethearts. As some plug away getting a lynching for doing chin-ups on Arc’s industrial beams, the likes of Robbie D break out the crowd-pleasing Worm! Swosh: on goes a dad’s record favourite and I find myself doing a mixture of the ‘drunk-uncle-arm-train’ and the ‘mother-pigeon-neck-sidestep’. I suddenly feel filled with nostalgic memories of groaning about the ‘old man tracks’ I was bored with as a child. The only difference now? I love listening to them and I love dancing like my parents! But mostly I love watching everyone else evolve into their parents just the same! I sidle up to Arc’s smart bar looking my absolute most posh, possibly a little too ‘broom up your back’ stiff, but I had to appear worthy. Only to find it was a bargain job, the drinks were as cheap as Primark pants. Of course, all great lab coats know, what goes in one end… The toilets were eerie, high school horror setting eerie. I don’t think in my many a visit I shared the experience once. All the roll for me, then.

‘Come on Eileen!’ Back to the floor alongside the boys in boxers, I’m unsure of the uniform at the school they attended. An investigation will be launched. Old mullet icon Jon Bon gets the Wayne's World extra behind living out his air guitar dreams and no-one can resist the one knee guitar strum before home. Pop Rocks has a house party vibe that sticks two to maturity cobbed together with those i-Pod guilty pleasures you crank down on the bus!

Hot Chip Hot Chip Devious musical experiments aligned to a strong pop aesthetic have seen this five-piece rise unexpectedly into the upper echelons of popularity. Quietly hypnotic and subtly groovy.

Wednesday 5 November, Dome JH Beth Rowley Treading similar musical territory similar to Katie Melua or Corinne Bailey Rae, this Peru-born, Bristol-raised, BIMM-educated gentle jazz singer-songwriter is rapidly heading for the big leagues with her debut album..

Wednesday 5 November, Komedia NA The Research Dreamy indie pop via Yorkshire and with new album out, The Old Terminal. There’s an undercurrent of easy-going 60s beat and garage sounds, fused with a post-punk sensibility.

Thursday 6 November, Freebutt

JH

Dreadzone Dub bass and dance beats meet live instrumentation and bubbling electronics in one of the best live acts of recent years.

They’ve been going 16 years, have released five albums and continue to be a favourite, particularly on the festival circuit.

Thursday 6 November, Komedia JH

Photos by: Rob DeBanks@Pop Rocks, Arc

Motorhead + Saxon + Danko Jones Lemmy returns to Brighton with his band of influential thrash-metallers. Supporting are veteran Barnsley lunkheads Saxon and yank mentalist Danko Jones.

Thursday 6 November, Brighton Centre NA John Martyn Legendary Scotsman revisiting his Grace and Danger album of 1980, considered by the man himself to be one of his best. Plus, expect additional classics.

Friday 7 November, Dome JH

“The greatest gift to get To advertise this year is life” here costs Give a meaningful Christmas gift this year.

Every minute in Ethiopia a woman dies from complications related to pregnancy or childbirth with a lifetime risk of 1 in 7, and an estimated 1 million babies die shortly after.

For only £15 you can sponsor a safe birth in Africa and we will send a personalised certificate to your loved one.

To help go to www.maternityworldwide.org/gifts.html By post: cheques payable to ‘Maternity Worldwide’, noting donor’s name and the recipients name & address Maternity Worldwide, Unit 9 Level 4, New England House, New England St, Brighton BN1 4GH 01273 682241

www.maternityworldwide.org 30 latest 7

only

Don Caballero + Rollo Tomassi Largely credited as the creators of math-rock, without Don Caballero, there would be no Foals or Battles (ex DC man Ian Williams now plays guitar in that band). Slow-burning instrumental post-rock soundscapes and lusciously intricate technical detail abound.

Saturday 8 November, Engine Rooms NA F*cked Up This brutal Canadian hardcore band may well be this year’s Gallows. Relish their intense guitar riffs and frankly scary stage presence of bulky, bloody frontman Damian Abraham.

Saturday 8 November, Freebutt NA Steve Winwood Golden voiced legend who first found fame as a teenager with Spencer Davis Group, then with the much-loved Traffic. New album Nine Lives showcases Latin and Brazilian influences alongside the blues. Expect to hear a mix of classics, old and new.

Monday 10 November, Dome JH Horace Andy He found cult fame as a vocalist with Massive Attack, but this reggae veteran has been releasing material since the late 60s. He’s more at the gently pulsating end of the reggae spectrum, helped along by that distinctively quavering voice.

Monday 10 November, Old Market JH The Boat People Aussie four piece, who played this year’s The Great Escape, are back on tour with a new album to promote, Chandeliers – full of rounded gems and clever lyrics that have had many a critic foaming at the mouth at their richly realised indie-popness.

Thursday 10 November, Prince Albert JH

2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE

£20

Call Marie Viviani now!

01273 818150 ext 102

THE BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 698989 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people.

Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

031_LS397 music_reviews jeff

10/30/08

3:37 PM

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MUSIC

MUSIC REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases Welsh teenagers Los Campesinos drop their second album of the year in the form of the 10 track, 32 minute We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed, another stunning collection of sophisticated and urgent indie punk. Great song titles lead into some of the most brilliantly constructed music of this post-Arctic Monkeys era.

Local five-piece outfit Lostaura have their The Waiting EP available now, three tracks of uplifting, atmospheric indie rock, so well constructed in fact that they sound strangely familiar. We Brits are suckers for this sort of Snow Patrol, Muse, Editors type thing, so the band are definitely onto a good thing, we reckon.

Coming towards the end of the road, Tony Christie is intent on delivering a defining record, which could well be Made In Sheffield. The sound of the Yorkshire city from one of its sons, it could be the sound of Richard Hawley in the studio with Neil Diamond were he 65 years of age. The album features songs by Christie and other Sheffield songwriters such as Alex Turner (Arctic Monkeys), The Human League, Hawley (who is also one of the producers) and Jarvis Cocker. Gorgeous, melancholic and yet uplifting, it’s a zillion miles away from the cheesetastic ‘Is This The Way To Amarillo’.

US Election Day is coming up on the 4 November (the day before Bonfire Night here in Blighty, ironic fact fans…) and the scourge of the capitalist classes The Levellers celebrate the occasion with a one-day only release of the slightly controversial ‘Burn America Burn’ track, taken from their recent Letters From The Underground album. A commentary on the way cultural and social decay of America (and much of the world) it’s all the more prescient what with the unprecedented financial woes currently afflicting the world.

Now a few records you might describe as ‘quirky’, which may or may not be a bad thing. First up is Nottingham trio Lords, and their new album Everyone Is People. Firmly occupying the musical territory somewhere between Beefheart and Zeppelin, this is all about big, wonky guitar riffs, wailing psychedelia and stoner basslines. Though there are some inspired moments of full-on rock-out brilliance, the action too often falls into seventies rock’s worst, noodly excesses.

Next, we have New Jersey madman Daniel Smith, AKA Danielson, returning with Trying Hartz, a two-disc retrospective of his decade in the music biz. Perfectly encapsulating the eclectic, collaborative nature of Danielson’s revolving line-up of artists, that has at times included the likes of Sufjan Stevens, Trying Hartz is at times fantastically atmospheric, with cinematic lo-fi, anti-folk and screeching falsetto vocals sounding like no one else around. Still, there’s a fair amount of indulgent, overtly silly material here that sounds simply weird, minus substance or really any point.

Finally, a quick mention for FatCat folkies Vetiver, whose latest EP, More Of The Past, is a companion piece to previous covers album Thing Of The Past. Six cover versions of obscure classics that have inspired frontman Andy Cabic to veer from sixties pop to forgotten rock and roll gems, though unfortunately remain, ultimately, damningly unnecessary.

The Laughing Onion Jean-Jacques Jordane “Sings Paris” for small parties

8 to 24 people 3 courses £17.95

01273 696555

2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE

LATIN IN THE LANE 10–11 Kings Road, Brighton East Sussex BN1 1NE 01273 328672 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people.

Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.

If you would like your event listed please email listings@thelatest.co.uk

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10

★ 1 Jaybee – Miles To Go ★ 2 Kontour – The Kennedy Syndrome 3 Taboo – Duet 4 Tenek – If I Should Fall 5 Amongst The Pigeons – Deep Housey 6 Chaos Borne – Watching 7 Mr Resonate – The Opposite Vibe 8 Breakinbear – Breeze 9 Jonny Loves House – Care About Your Love 10 Portslade – Girls and Boys Another stint at number one for electro pop jaunt ‘Miles To Go’ by Jaybee this week, as the darker face of electro moves up to two with Kontour’s ‘The Kennedy Syndrome’.

Slowing things down is the gentle acoustica of Taboo at three, with the Depeche Mode-esque pop of Tenek at four and the ‘Deep Housey’ Amongst The Pigeons at five.

11 No Sharp Objects Home 12 Indigo Star The Pearl 13 St.Michel Remedy 14 The Mojo Fins Always Now 15 12 Stone Toddler Under the Weather 16 The Wasp Factory Postcards 17 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall Every Time 18 Caramel Jack Curtain 19 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 20 Lostaura Chevron 21 Guerrilla Audio Cry Wolf 22 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 23 Tom Ayres Confidence Problem 24 Without Warrant Superego 25 Anemo Pray

26 Digitalis No Control 27 sMs I’m Sorry Dave 28 Cath O’Drae Sofageddon 29 The Beautiful Word Golden Box 30 Jonny Loves House Not Just In My Head 31 Tenek State Of Mind 32 Carter Brown More To Be Scene 33 Cath O’Drae Mugged by the System 34 KOVAK Death in the Disco 35 The SlyShakers Cha Ching 36 Anemo Pray (Ropey Remix) 37 The Woo!worths Konichiwa 38 Jonny Loves House Not Just In My Head 39 sMs Airport Dreaming 40 Iris and the Wolves Lovehound

To advertise here costs only £20 Call Marie Viviani now!

01273 818150 ext 102 latest 7 31

000_LS397_LMB

10/30/08

4:02 PM

Page 1

latest

01273 687171 formerly joogleberry

musicbar tuesday 4 nov 7.30pm £5/3

now booking

the space

xmas

briggy smale talks to children’s laureate michael rosen and SFX main man paul franklin

dinners & parties

wednesday private party 5 nov book your private party with

+ weddings, civil partnerships, birthdays. For the funkiest parties call us and book the venue for FREE•

ruth or angi on 687171

thursday 6 nov

the modern exposition

8pm £5

album launch, blending electronica with orchestration

friday 7 nov

roy & tony’s club

danceteria

the new pete & dud!

7pm, show starts 8pm £10 or £20 with 2 course dinner

quality underground house, disco, soul & funk 10.30pm–late £4/£2

robert brown + support 8pm free

•subject to conditions

MyFirstDisco! dj's & dancing for parents & their toddlers

2.30 – 4.30pm adult and 1 child £2.50

saturday 8 nov

three bonzos and a piano

sunday 9 nov

roast ‘n’ jazz all jigged out not another pop quiz

12.30pm–3.30pm £10 inc lunch

monday 10 nov £10 7.30pm

crazy members of the original bonzo dog doo dah band! doors 6pm show 7pm £12.50 or show and dinner £20

rockabilly jamboree featuring jailbait with the 'british buddy holly' mike berry 9.30pm £10/8

with alyson celtic folk green, a soulful “breathtaking” mojo doors 7pm, show 8pm £7 side of jazz

weekly music, with drawing, plasticine modelling and mayhem

7pm £1

gay tango workshop tango lessons for all!

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street brighton

check our website for full programme

033_LS397_music_listings

31/10/08

9:45 AM

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MUSIC

For complete listings go to thelatest.co.uk/7

MUSIC& CLUBLISTINGS 4 – 10 Nov Tuesday 4 Live Music Cage The Elephant Kentucky Southern rock influenced pop kids. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £7 Eugene McGuiness Uncategorisable maverick veering from post-punk to starry-eyed romance.

Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc.

Sofa Sessions Open mic. West Hill (Formerly Belle Vue), 8:30pm, free.

Bars and clubs Audio Snide. Indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free.

Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and emo mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Water Margin International Student Party.

Drinks promos all night! 10pm–5am, £5/3

Wednesday 5 Live Music Beth Rowley Sleek, smoky Bristolian singersongwriter, tipped for the top by all and sundry.

The Old Market, 8pm, £tbc.

Breakthrough with Rough Trade: Storm Engine Funked-up dance, rock and punk!

Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, free.

Club NME: The Nova Saints Indie club night with the band that apparently ‘out-swagger Kasabian’. Madness. Brighton Coalition, 10:30pm, free.

The Hanson Brothers + Shitty Limits + Los Mendozas Punk night with headliners from Canada. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Hot Chip Electro-funk DJs rapidly becoming one of the biggest dance acts in the world. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £tbc.

The Legendary Bee’s Mouth Open Mic Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free.

Open Mac Night Open mic night for electronic music. Bring your laptops and samplers!

Sidewinder, 9pm, free.

Ron Sexsmith Folk-infused singer-songwriter.

Komedia, 8pm, £20 Bars and clubs Arc Life is Easy. A Mid-week interlude of indie classic new and old, plus floorfillers a plenty.

10pm, free–£1 Audio Supercharged. Mid-week breaks with Freestylers and Adsorb. 11pm–2:30am, £7/6 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. 90p.

Contact venue for details.

Water Margin Genetics. Playing a mixture of intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 10pm–6am, free–£2

Thursday 6 Live Music The Boat People + The Dievibes + The Tremors Sweet-sounding Aussie indie-pop set for biggish things. The Hope, 7:30pm, £6/5 Brighton Early Music Festival Presents: BREMF Live! Young Brightonian musicians perform with London's best. Brunswick, 8pm, £7 Charlie Landsborough Late-blooming folk singer-songwriter. Pavilion Theatre, 7:30pm, £tbc Dreadzone Nineties genre-blending dance veterans. Komedia, 8pm, £12.50 Finch Reformed emo forerunners preview their third album. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £10 Folk at the Royal Oak: Jez Lowe Folk night.

Royal Oak, Lewes, 8pm, £5 Gypsy Jazz Quartet Bee's Mouth, 9pm, free Invisible Cities + Juffage Experimental rock.

Hare & Hounds, 9pm, free.

The Modern Exposition Electronica mixed with theatrical harmonies and traditional folk.

Album launch. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £5 Motorhead + Saxon + Danko Jones Lemmy, loud guitars and solid old-school metal support acts.Brilliant. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £25 Music Cafe: Robert Brown Experimental folk singer-songwriter. Latest Music Bar, 8:30pm, £2 Nitin Sawhney The British Asian dance

innovator tours his latest record, London Undersound. Corn Exchange, 8pm, £18.50/16.50 Open Mic The Hub, 8:30pm, free.

Samuel Arts Trio Gypsy jazz band. Bee’s Mouth, 9pm, free.

Sofa Sessions Open mic. Juggler, 8:30pm, free The Race Anthemic indie from Reading. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Tyler Pop and soul Bali Brasserie, 8pm, free.

Bars and clubs Arc Pop Rocks. Indie, pop, rock, cheese and more! 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Audio Mad For it. Indie.10:30pm–3am, £3/1.50 Digital Thursday Club Presents. Evil Nine live!

Plus Dead Kids and Alex Metric. We just gave birth to a premature weekend. 10pm, £7 Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer’s house and dance. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 Ocean Rooms Therapy. USBU official SOCFED night. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Po Na Na Off The Wall. Funk, soul and Motown from the 50s to present day.

10pm–3am, £2

Friday 7 Live Music Alec Dankworth Trio A Brighton Jazz Club event. Komedia, 8pm, £14/12 The Barrelhouse: Early Bird Special 40s swing and jive club night with live music and DJs. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £9/7 Brighton Early Music Festival: Quene of Paradys Candlelit concert transporting you back to the 13th and 14th centuries. St Nicholas Church, 8pm, £6–12 Duncan Grimface Punk.Hare&Hounds,9pmfree Gloria Macari Ballads, pop and rock. Bali Brasserie, 8pm, free.

John Martyn Popular folk veteran of more than 40 years. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £tbc.

Kris Dollimore Blues. Neptune, 8:30pm, free Le Band Extraordinaire + Man Ray Sky + Learn To Swim The gothic rockabilly twang of Le Band Extraordinaire and early REM-ish poprockers Learn To Swim. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

The Lost Highway: The Laylanas + Luke Hyttner Americana. The Brunswick, 8pm, £5 Noah and the Whale Folk kids responsible for that most summery of hits, ‘Five Years Time’...

Concorde 2, 7pm, Sold out!

Shindig! ‘Undead Beauty Pageant’ Live music from Vile Imbeciles, Cottonmouth Rocks, Mr Jack Cooper and Restlesslist with various macabre jollity. The Hope, 9pm, £5 The Smiths Tribute Night Smiths tribute band and November Spawned A Mozzer club night.

Komedia, 7:30pm, £10, £5/4 after 11pm. youthmovies + Adam Gnade + Maths Class Excellent, confoundedly genre-fiddling Oxford kids. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc.

Bars and clubs Arc Some Kind Of Wonderful. Sixties Night.

11pm–3am, £2 Brighton Coalition Vice Kills. Quirky mag Vice launches its debut club night. With notorious London rapper DELS and Little Boots live. £tbc.

Contact venue for details.

Concorde 2 Silent Disco. The only seafront party to turn DOWN the sound. 11pm–3am, £8 Digital Stone Love. 101% indie rock'n'roll with DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Thank Funk It’s Friday.

Party tunes. 10pm–3am, free–£8 Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Hardsouth. Hard Dance With Nick Dento & Paul Maddox. 11pm–5am, £5–£10 Latest Music Bar Danceteria. Underground disco, house, soul and beats. 10:30pm, £4/2 Ocean Rooms 12FU. Indie/electro alternative madness. 11pm–4am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams.

Rock'n'Roll indie anthems and punk.

10:30pm–3am, £4/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See our venue directory for details

Sidewinder Go Bang with Ali Broadcast.

Installing a rich soundtrack of Underground Disco and Electro Funk. 8pm–2am, free.

Tru Skint. A choice of 3! Playing mainstream funky house, r’n’b and cheesey disco hits.

10pm–2:30am, free–£3 Water Margin B-Side. Tech and filthy electro with Tiger Lily and Paul My Fingah. 2am, £5

Saturday 8 Live Music Brighton Early Music Festival: Priest on the Run Red Priest play Bach, Tartini, Couperin and Corelli. St George's Church, 4pm, £6–£20 Brighton Early Music Festival: The Thing In The World I Love The Most Musical evening with Samuel Pepys. St John's Church, Palmeira Square, 8pm, £10–15 comm: UNITY: Samsara + King Porter Stomp + Titan System + Linos and Nastafara Laid-back indoor festival with free CD for the first 50 in. Komedia, 7pm, £5 Don Cabbalero + Rollo Tomassi Math-rock progenitors supported by hardcore upstarts. Ace. Engine Rooms, 7:30pm, £tbc.

F*cked Up Tiny, likely unmissable gig for these raucous Canadian hardcore heavyweights.

Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc.

Jailbait + Mike Berry Rockabilly locals supported by sixties rock and roll veteran.

Latest Music Bar, 9:30pm, £8 Jesse Malin Ryan Adams collaborator tours his Americana indie rock. Engine Rooms, 8pm, £tbc.

Kunt and the Gang + Leonard and Bubba's Delicious Goo-Goo Cluster Brilliantly filthy Basildon electro-pop. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

London Philharmonic Orchestra Tchaikovsky’s Piano Concerto 2 and Suite 3, with Gennadi Rozhdestvensky conducting. Brighton Dome, 7:30pm, £10–£27.50 Patti Plinko and Her Boy Dark cabaret chanteuse. Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5 Jailbait + Mike Berry Rockabilly locals supported by sixties rock and roll veteran.

Latest Music Bar, 9:30pm, £8 Psychobilly All-Dayer: The Long Tall Texans + The Caravans + Mad Dog Cole + Henry and the Bleeders + Radio City Riot + Vulture Club Strong line up of a million and one psychobillies and some frankly mad hairstyles to boot! Prince Albert, 2pm, £tbc.

Sussex Symphony Orchestra Mahler’s second symphony: The Resurrection. St Bartholomews, 7:30pm, £6–£15 Three Bonzos and a Piano Three members of the original sixties and seventies Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. Psychedelic rock silliness. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £12.50 (20 inc dinner) Tomorrow’s Warriors Some of the best new British jazz stars. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £tbc Bars and clubs Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SOL Presents: Winter Sessions. The don of free parties brings some early winter love with guest DJs TBA. 10pm–4am, free.

Brighton Coalition Karaoke Rock Star. Fancy yourself a rockstar? Have a crack with full live band support! 10:30pm–2am, free.

Concorde 2 Jazzsteppa. Hardcore electronic beats and acoustic jazz melodies.11pm, £10 adv.

Digital Wax:On. Voted best club night by Mixmag and DJ Magazine. The mark of quality this month is Erol Alkan. 11pm, £12 Engine Rooms Punk Rock Karaoke. Sing your favourite rock and punk anthems with a live backing band. 11pm–3am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house from Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 The Hanbury Club We Luv Pop. Rock 'n' Roll Beth Rowley, Wednesday

Excess. Decadence, shameful exuberance and down right stupidity. 7pm–2am, £6–£8 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house with guests. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Latest Music Bar Boom Boom Saloon. Late lounge with rock'n'roll, rhythm'n'blues, country funk & swing!10:30pm–2:30am, free.

Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam, Alternative Dance and beer to dribble down you 'til you drop! 10:30pm–3am, £2–£4 Tru Glitterbaby. Thickly spreading your fave chart tunes across 3 rooms. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Volks Bust The Box. Feat Eric Kleptone and Reggie Mental upstairs.11pm–5am, £6/5 Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house. 3am–8am, £7/5

Sunday 9 Live Music The Aggrolites + Les Scallops + Meow Meows + Second Time Lucky + 7 Second of Love Old-fashioned, LA good time reggae band tour their third album. Concorde 2, 8pm, £10 Brighton Early Music Festival Presents: The Isles Uncovered The music of baroque composers working in England, including Arne, Handel and Purcell. Salis Benney, 1pm, £10/8 Brighton Early Music Festival Presents: Treasures of Tudor England The Sixteen chorus perform the music of Henry VIII era composers Tye, Parsons and White. St Bartholomews, 6pm, £6–£22 Brighton Folk: All Jigged Out Celtic, jazz and funk. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7 London Community Gospel Choir Gospel choir blending modern pop influences into the mix. The Old Market, 7:30pm, £17.50 Michelle Shocked Fiery Americana veteran.

Komedia, 8pm, £16 Rivulets Epic, affecting gothic Americana from this singer-songwriter who, among others, has worked with the great Low. The Hope, 8pm, £6 Roast’n’Jazz: Alyson Green Soulful jazz vocalist. Latest Music Bar, 12:30pm, £10 inc full roast dinner.

Ruby Suns + Lawrence Arabia Kiwi rockers.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

The Young Coppers The grandchildren of the original Copper Family folk band's Bob Copper!

Six of ‘em! Komedia, 8pm, £10 Bars and clubs Arc Irie. Rudeben and Pheva play host to a shake up of Ragga, R'n'B, hip hop and uk garage. Sundays are the new Fridays!

10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 Volks Dave Rave Benefit Gig. with C.U.N.T., Ceephax Acid Krew, DJ Scotch Egg, Shitmat and more. £tba. Contact venue for details.

Monday 10 Live Music Clive Gregson Folk singer-songwriter, member of the Richard Thompson band and Nanci Griffith collaborator. The Greys, 8:30pm, £9 Horace Andy + Dub Asante Band Legendary reggae vocalist and latterly collaborator with Massive Attack. The Old Market, 7:30pm, £17 Lau Folk trio; won ‘Best Group’ at BBC Radio Folk Awards 2008. Komedia, 8:30pm, £12.50 Lonely Drifter Karen Quirky folk singersongwriter in the vein of Bjork or Joanna Newsom. Komedia, 8pm, £7 Steve Winwood Veteran blues-influenced rocker who has played with some of the biggest names around. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £28.50 Taio Cruz Mobo-nominated Brit R’n’B star won’t be playing venues this small for long, so catch him while you can. Concorde 2, 7pm, £10 Bars and clubs Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. Filthy fun with your fave tunes. 10:30pm–3am, free.

Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. Old skool garage, R’n’B.10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie with drinks £1.50 all night. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Volks Strictly Reggae. Dancehall, bashment, roots and revival. 10pm, £4.50/3.50 Music by Nick Aldwinckle Clubs and Bars by Jaime Pettit

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034_LS397 gay news/will

10/29/08

2:40 PM

Page 2

LATESTGAY

See more at thelatest.co.uk

Brighton’s only weekly gay guide

William Tells

NEWS

Will Harris is walking the walk and talking the talk – he’s pulled a straighty

Queen B’s back Victoria Nangle chats to an icon of eighties TV, the unforgettable Val Lehman aka Bea Smith Bea Smith ruled the roost in Australia’s Wentworth prison from 1979 until 1983, and for those 400 episodes of Prisoner Cell Block H Val Lehman ruled Bea Smith. Iconic at the press in the laundry and constantly wrestling to maintain her position as Top Dog, the support for the show and for Bea, in particular, has been phenomenal. Now, almost 30 years later, Prisoner Cell Block H is finally available on DVD. So how do you account for the show’s success?

“I think it’s because it was possible for the audience to identify with the women. They weren’t perfect, with perfect hairstyles, perfect gowns, perfect make-up and a perfect home with a husband and children and a perfect lover.” She chuckles. “They were real women”.

Prisoner Cell Block H made history as the first TV show to feature ‘out‘ lesbians as main characters. “It was accepted that if you have a group of people then a percentage of them are homosexual. It wasn’t sensational, and we didn’t even use it for promotion. We portrayed lesbians in the show and it had never been done on screen before, and I think if you have strong women there’s always going to be a gay male following. They just gravitate towards those sort of characters. Look at the Hollywood actresses – the stronger they were the more the gay gentlemen liked them.

“The show was able to discuss pertinent women’s issues that haven’t changed for years. There’s the issues of rape, incest and domestic violence. We talked about it in a very down to earth manner because we were not polite young ladies at an afternoon tea party.

We were damaged women who were in an institution.

“I thought when I first started that people were going to hate my character. I thought – my God, they’re going to throw things at me in the supermarket! But they embraced everything Bea did. She could do no wrong.” Did Val enjoy playing her? “Well think about it, wouldn’t you enjoy being right every day of your life? And Bea’s undestructable.” She’d have to be to work that terrifying press. “Ah no,” Val chuckles. “I used to make it look terrifying deliberately. It wasn’t even hot. The steam was operated by a props boy who was under instructions that no-one was to have more steam than me.

Mind you, even the crew got taken in once when I was delivering a line and I suddenly realised I had my hand on a part of the press that should be hot. So I went ‘Oh! Ow!’ and put my finger in my mouth, while still continuing to deliver my dialogue. Then we got to the end of the scene and and the floor manager came round and said ‘Val are you alright? Oh, come on! It’s not hot! So they were sucked in!”

What are her fondest memories? “The friends that I made like Amanda Muggleton who played Chrissie Latham, Jane Clifton who played Margo Gaffney and Sheila Florance – of course – who played Lizzie was a dear friend and winning three major awards.”

Prisoner Cell Block H: Volume 1' DVD Box Set is released by Shock Entertainment on Monday 10 November.

34 latest 7

Unlike many of my contemporaries, I’ve never been much been interested in the idea of ‘turning’ a straight man gay. It always seemed like an invitation to disaster akin to training a monkey to bring you breakfast in bed – they’re out of their depth and you’re likely to get egg on your face. Besides, there was always the possibility they’d have a change of heart halfway through and punch you in the nose. The man, that is; not the monkey, who would presumably express a change of heart by leaving something nasty in the muesli.

My feelings on the subject of straight-baiting, however, were recently radically altered, when a friend introduced me to a rock star who – I’m not ashamed to admit this – stole my heart. The night we

inexplicably adopt a ridiculous Cockney accent that makes me sound like Pat Butcher, minus the butch), but there was something different about this guy. Perhaps it was the Red Bull, perhaps it was the red pants, but something clicked between us and – a bizarre feeling now – something told me he felt it too.

“Hand on heart,” he confessed, as we sat in a shady bar, heads bent together, “I don’t think anyone can say they’re 100 percent straight any more.”

“I don’t know,” I pondered. “I think Chuck Norris would disagree with you. Chuck Norris, and of course my mother.”

He laughed, and I laughed, and before I knew it he was paying for a cab back to my place (“Aw’wight, mate,” I prattled at the driver. “Can

“I find it difficult talking to straight men because I adopt a ridiculous Cockney accent that makes me sound like Pat Butcher – minus the butch“ met I’d been at a photo shoot, where the fashion director had taken the (highly imprudent) decision of letting me wear my modelling get-up out on the town.

So there I was, rampaging through the streets of the city in a pair of red corduroy lederhosen, tanked up on Red Bull and Kodak-induced self-importance, and with no idea that I was about to fall harder than the Berlin Wall, circa 1989.

He was the lead singer of an up and coming band, who’d recently been signed to a major record label and who were currently working on their debut album.

Now, I find it difficult talking to straight men at the best of times (not least because, when I’m forced into conversation with a cab driver or market trader, I

you break a Lady Godiva, yeah?”).

Quite what the rock star was feeling at this point I couldn’t really say, but – for the first time in my life – the idea of sleeping with a straight man didn’t feel like an invitation to disaster. After all, I reasoned, maybe this time the monkey will get it right. I was even willing to risk a right hook.

“The bathroom’s on the first landing,” I advised, unfolding the sofa bed for him, “and if you need anything I’m up on the top floor.”

“Is that an offer?” asked my little rock star, all sheepish smiles below me.

“Well… would you like it to be an offer?”

The next morning I had breakfast in bed. I swear I may never stop grinning.

Crossword solutions Solution to Cryptic 168 ACROSS: 1 Soprano 5 Gecko 8 Nightmare 9 Nab 10 Skate 12 Gymnast 13 Damask 14 Funnel 17 Fiddler 19 Enrol 21 All 22 Amusement 24 Drown 25 Disease DOWN: 1 Sinus 2 Pig 3 Actress 4 Orange 5 Gleam 6 Container 7 Orbital 11 Armadillo 13 Defraud 15 Useless 16 Ground 18 Learn 20 Lathe 23 Era Solution to Quick 168 ACROSS: 1 Habitat 5 Brave 8 Saxophone 9 Sag 10 Erica 12 Echidna 13 Embryo 14 Stroke 17 Crochet 19 Basic 21 Awl 22 Rearrange 24 Evoke 25 Notable DOWN: 1 Haste 2 Box 3 Topiary 4 Trowel 5 Beech 6 Assiduous 7 Engrave 11 Imbroglio 13 Enclave 15 Taboret 16 Strain 18 Horse 20 Clepe 23 Nib © Crossword Shop

If you have a story for Latest Gay pages please email news@thelatest.co.uk

035_LS397_gay listings

10/29/08

4:57 PM

Page 1

GAY

For full listings & venues go to thelatest.co.uk

GAYLISTINGS 4 – 10 November

Tuesday 4 Amsterdam Skint or Mint. An evening of Bingo and a brand new interactive game “Skint or Mint“ with cash prizes for grabs! 8pm, free.

Brighton Tavern City of Brighton Gay Men's Chorus. Bar Open 12pm, free.

Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. Over 3,000 tracks to choose from. 10pm, free.

Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough Free Poker Night. Learn and compete. 9pm, free.

Queen’s Arms Karaoke with Betty Swollocks.

9pm, free.

R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! Get a FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy!

12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Payday. The Official LGBT Student Night gets a haunting twist! Dress to scare to a soundtrack of pop and house! 10:30pm–3am.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mill's Music Night. With Uncle Ben’s quiz from 9pm, free.

Wednesday 5 Ghetto Miss-Shapes. Indie and pop. 9pm, free.

Legends Super Karaoke. New Karaoke & quiz night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free.

Marlborough YouTube Night. 8pm, free.

Prince Regent Swimming Pool Out To Swim South. 8:30pm, £4 per session, £20 annual pass.

R-Bar Cocktail Club. Enjoy the champagne lifestyle on lemonade money! 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge Pop! SEXY. Expect live on stage entertainment and chart pop and R’n’B. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. 12pm–11pm.

The Basement Play. with DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 6 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark Pants. 8pm–11pm, £1 (Goes to charity).

Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm, £4/3.

Ghetto Booty Call Monthly. Rockin’ R’n’B nite.

10pm, £tbc.

Marlborough Open Mic Night. 8pm, free.

Queen’s Arms Lucky Dip Karaoke. Hosted

by Betty Swollocks. Bar open 12pm–11:30pm, free.

R-Bar I Can’t Wait for the Weekend to Begin!

Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free.

Revenge GirlsOnTop. Fabulously trashy weekly lesbian night with ‘deck heroine’ LadyBex and DJ Smiffy. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after.

The Basement Box. DJ Jonesy plays chart hit remixes, funky house and dance, 11pm–4am.

The Old Market Burlesque Against Breast Cancer Ball. Razor sharp talent from international burlesque and variety performers, Including, Eric Walton. £50. Contact venue.

Saturday 8 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free.

Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A Rio blend of Gogo Boys, Feathered Girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3.

Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, £tbc.

Legends Pre-Ignition. 7pm, free.

Marlborough Party. Guest DJs & live music.

9pm–2am, free.

Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3:30–5:30pm).

Then party with Kamp Kevin til 12:30am! free.

R-Bar Kinky Baby. Kinky Dangerous prep with new boy on the block, Jozzie O. 9pm–7am, free.

Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 6.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3.

Star Inn Bear Essentials. DJ Charlie. Bar Open 12pm–1am, free.

The Aquarium Theatre Bar Cabaret. 9pm.

The Basement Ignition. With the dance sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free all night!

The PV at The Jury's Out Saturday Madness.

The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then PV’s house DJs take over! Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 9 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch. Traditional roasts (12–5:30pm) with a cabaret twist. Hosted by Connie Conway from 8pm, free.

Ghetto Eurotrash. Crazy pop cabaret! 9pm.

Komedia Michelle Shocked. In a time before Ani DeFranco... 7:30pm, £16.

Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. 3:15pm.

Marlborough Yummy Roasts. Delicious roasts 'til they're gone! 12pm, free.

The Basement Embrace. Charty tracks provided

by DJ Nick Shepherdson. 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 10 Amsterdam The Monday Musical. Gimme gimme gimme a musical, some fresh popcorn and a drink from the bar! Bar open 11am, free.

Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party retro tracks. Drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50.

Ghetto Shibby Shabblers. DJs Pookie and Crackwhore. £1.50 pints & vodka mix.

9pm–2am, £3/2.

Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am.

Marlborough Trans Night. 9pm, free.

The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Get nostalgic with Steve Lush’s classic floorfillers.

11pm–4am, free.

Celebration, The Basement, Friday 7th

Friday 7 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am–midnight, free.

Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, just the way you like it. 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz. Indie anthems, alternative classics and current underground hits. 10pm.

Legends Pre-Celebration. Pop Sounds. 7pm.

Marlborough Girls Night. 2 floors, lots ‘o’ ladies and guest DJs! 9pm–2am.

Queen’s Arms Pink. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes. 9pm–2am, free.

R-Bar The GirlsOnTop Bar. DJ Smiffy hauls her best in trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top to R-Bar. 12pm–7am, free.

Revenge Melissa Totten Live. The No.1 Madonna impersonator performs all her classic trax live. Plus 2 floors of top pop and house. 10:30pm–5am, £5/3 NUS. Star Inn Return of the Friday Bears Inc. Funky house and pop remixes. 8pm–1am, free.

The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Alex Baker plays girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free all night!

➧ Please check with venue before travelling. See www.thelatest.co.uk

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036_LS397_TVIntro

10/31/08

10:12 AM

Page 2

latestTV

Dani on TV

She says it how she sees it

Bear Grylls: Born Survivor

Films on TV

West Side Story, Satuday 8, 9pm, Sky Movies Classics

Sundays 5.45pm, Channel 4 Bear Grylls parachutes into some of the most inhospitable places on earth and then has to survive there while finding his way home. He is dropped in jungles, forests, deserts and on icy mountains. All he has with him are the clothes on his back and a backpack full of bits and bobs.

I’m just going to say it straight up, I really don’t like this programme.

Survival programmes are interesting and informative but I don’t like how this bloke eats any and every animal he can find when he doesn’t really have to. I have seen him eat turtles and crocodiles and that was enough for me. By all means show us how to survive but when you don’t really have to, don’t eat things like that!

Why is it okay for him to do that? Surely it’s not just me who thinks it is a little unfair. If you do actually find yourself stranded in the desert or trapped in the jungle eat what you can to survive. But this guy is not really lost! It is just a TV programme! So put that potentially endangered animal down and get a sandwich out of your backpack when the cameras are not rolling! Grrr! I can’t help it. I do find these programmes interesting but I find this specific one offensive. How often are people lost in the desert anyway? Is it really often enough for Bear Grylls to munch his way across the globe?

And Bear isn’t even his real name, it’s just a nickname. And he is anti poaching. Now, I would quite like him to tell me what happens in his antipoaching head when he jumps on a crocodile and stabs it in the head! I am a vegetarian, but I would feel the same about this if I ate meat.

Sometimes it’s a bit unnecessary. On the website for this show he says that he kills everything as humanely as possible, and that all your prejudices get left behind when you are in a survival situation. That is true, had I been in a plane crash and landed alive in the desert I would feel the same. But Bear Grylls makes the conscious decision to throw himself into these situations and he could leave at any point he wanted, so regardless how humanely he bites into the back of a live fish’s neck, he really has no reason to do so.

Movies on the box this week starring real life father/daughter combo Henry and Jane Fonda, along with Katherine Hepburn.

The Legend ★★★✩✩ (1993, BBC1, 12.40am. Dir Corey Yuen) Jet Li heads up this Hong Kong martial arts movie with true love, a Canton conspiracy and a touch of gender reversals. Will the evil Manchu emperor prevail? Will love be torn asunder? Maybe. Probably not...

SATURDAY 8 Big Trouble in Little China

TUESDAY 4 Mr And Mrs Smith ★★★★✩ (2005, E4, 9pm. Dir Doug Liman) Originally pitched as a sequel to Governor Arnie and Jamie Lee Curtis’ 1994 film True Lies, this is what happens when the Hollywood mill get its hands on an idea. Now the married spies are ignorant of the other’s true occupation and when it comes out marriage guidance has nothing on this carnage.

WEDNESDAY 5 Move Over Darling ★★★★★ (1963, Film4, 1pm. Dir Michael Gordon) James Garner’s got a serious problem in a lighthearted farcical film. He’s about to marry his second wife when his presumed dead first one – Doris Day – turns up large as life and none too pleased. Wife number two Polly Bergen’s far from happy either, however, a frantic but happy conclusion is inevitable.

THURSDAY 6 Navy SEALs ★★✩✩✩ (1990, Five, 10pm. (Dir Lewis League) Charlie Sheen and Michael Biehn – perfect to co-star in this military Bmovie. Not only do their names rhyme but they’ve both got that hard guy with a few knocks act down pat.

Bonza! Navy folk go in to rescue American hostages and discover the terrorists actually do have WMDs. Back in 1990 this was only a bad movie plot.

FRIDAY 7 On Golden Pond ★★★★✩ (1981, Film4, 5.05pm. (Dir Mark Rydell) Poignant and award-winning film portraying the difficult family relationship between three generations,

36 latest 7

4–10 Nov

★★★✩✩ (1986, Channel 4, 11.25pm.

Dir John Carpenter) Starring Kurt Russell and Kim Cattrall.

All-action fantasy adventure about a trucker’s close encounter with Chinese demons. Chasing after a friend’s kidnapped fiancee, he runs into San Francisco’s most powerful sorcerer, said to be an ancient magician under a diabolical curse.

Big action, big thrills, big fun.

West Side Story ★★★★★ (1961, Sky Movies Classics, 9pm.

Dir Jerome Robbins and Robert Wise) Winner of ten Oscars, this world famous musical set in Manhattan's West Side in the mid-1950s explores the rivalry between two teenage gangs of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Never has New York gang culture looking so thrilling – the kids of today could learn a few things.

SUNDAY 9 The Longest Yard ★★★✩✩ (2005, Five, 9pm. Dir Peter Segal) A quarterback imprisoned for drinkdriving is forced by a sadistic warder to organise an American football game between prisoners and guards.

He then faces the tough decision of whether to throw the match in favour of the warder, or back his friends and lose the chance of an early release.

MONDAY 10 Misery ★★★★★ (1990, Five 11.05pm. Dir Rob Reiner) Starring James Caan and Kathy Bates.

Claustrophobic suspense tale about a romance novelist who survives a terrible car crash in snowy Colorado only to be rescued by a deranged former nurse who is obsessed by his novels. Confined to bed and cut off from the outside world, he slowly becomes aware that he is more prisoner than patient.

037_LS397_TV_Tue

10/29/08

11:08 AM

Page 1

tuesday 4 New Tricks BBC1, 9pm It’s a new series of the crinkly cops showing the rest how it’s done with a few cold cases.

Dennis Waterman is back – singing the theme tune – along with James Bolam, Amanda Redman and Alun Armstrong, all in acting capacities. There’s witchcraft afoot and a dead librarian. A little knowledge...

US Election Night 2008 BBC1, 11.15pm Rather than hold your breath all night and crossing fingers, you could follow the US election results in an informed manner as the voting comes in. Could there be a black man in the White House? Could an Alaskan woman become Vice President? Many firsts hang in the balance. No recounts hopefully required.

Celebrity Come Dine With Me More4, 9pm ‘Celebrity’ is obviously a much looser term these days than it was prior to that classic I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

This week’s tabloid teasers are Tamara Beckwith, MC Harvey, Lynsey de Paul and Jonathan Ansell. Quite. Watch them struggle in the kitchen to win.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 The Secret Show 4.04 The Owl 4.05 Raven 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 KS1 Science Clips 11.10 KS1 Science Clips 11.20 Primary History 11.30 The Chronicles Of Narnia 11.45 Watch 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 2.15 Market Kitchen 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead?

5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.05 Coming Out To Class 11.00 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Wife Swap 1.30 A Brief History Of Fun 1.45 FILM: The Vicious Circle (1957) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Nigel Marven’s Blood Suckers 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Lucy (2003) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.30 Big League Weekend 1.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x8) 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Rally Fever 1.00 Hyundai A League 2.00 Revista De La Liga 3.00 World Motor Sport 5.30 Football Asia

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders As Jane performs her stand-up routine in the Vic, Ian finds himself in an unfortunate predicament. Ya straight man!

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Joseph flees to work, avoiding a difficult day with Faye and her son Archie, only to find himself in much deeper water with Daisha. He’s always on the back foot, that one. And being bulllied by girls.

Speaking of which, Jaq’s got a new bloke after more than her delicate surgeons hands. Blimey!

9.00 New Tricks See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 My Family At War Presenter Matthew Kelly and cricketer Phil Tufnell investigate their families’ roles in the Great War. Matthew travels through France on his way to the battlefields of Flanders, hoping to solve the mystery of his great uncle Albert, who died in a Prisoner of War camp in 1917. Phil, meanwhile, wants to find out what life was like for his grandfather in the Royal Flying Corps.

Drafty? A good way to remember history didn’t just happen in a book.

11.15 US Election Night 2008 Coverage continues all night.

See highlights.

6.00 Eggheads ‘Tis quiz time!

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman is joined by this week’s saved couple.

7.00 Delia Delia Smith shares five recipes which use ready-made potato products to take the fuss out of cooking. And might blow the budget.

7.30 All Over The Shop Business guru Geoff Burch is in Taunton getting to grips with the small shop owner’s lack of professionalism.

8.00 Autumnwatch As winter draws closer the grey seal pups on the Farne Islands face harsh conditions.

9.00 British Style Genius The series exploring what makes British fashion and style distinctive concludes.

10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Featuring The Killers, excerpts from Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett’s Chinese opera.

Plus Soul legend Al Green.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Unseen Alistair Cooke Portrait of one of the most celebrated broadcasters of the 20th Century.

12.20am Russia: A Journey With Jonathan Dimbleby 1.20 Sign Zone: Britain In The Red – Your Questions Answered 2.20 The Dark Side Of Fame With Piers Morgan 3.05 Recipe For Success 4.00 I-Maths 1 (x2) 5.30 Spit Game 5.55 Soundbox 7

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jo is relieved to get some help on the farm. She’s only a little lady and it’s a big farm. Plus, we keep seeing pictures of her on red carpets in little dresses in the tabloids.

What time does she have for cows?

7.30 UEFA Champions League: Liverpool V Atletico Madrid Steve Rider introduces live coverage from Anfield of Liverpool’s group match against Atletico Madrid.

Current Liverpool goal-scoring hero Fernando Torres scored over 100 goals for the Madrid club, who have former Liverpool players Luis Garcia and Florent Sinama-Pongolle in their ranks. Commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Jim Beglin, studio analysis from Andy Townsend, and pitchside reports from Gabriel Clarke.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.40 UEFA Champions League Highlights Craig Doyle and Robbie Earle look back at this evening’s UEFA Champions League group stage games, including last season’s runners-up Chelsea taking on Roma, and Liverpool verus Atletico Madrid at Anfield. In case you were asleep earlier when it took up telly space.

11.45 Election Night Live: America Decides Live coverage of the US Election result as it happens.

Bigger voting than Big Brother.

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Tony continues to tread on eggshells around Jacqui and Carmel is constantly on edge with Niall on the loose. He’s like the Michael Myers mad bro’ to their Jamie Lee Curtises.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Miss Naked Beauty Gok and Myleene continue looking for Britain’s female ambassador for natural beauty. The remaining ten finalists tackle their addiction to make-up.

It started with just lip gloss, but soon moved up to mascara and before they knew it foundation had them and orange was their natural colour. Man. 9.00 Prince Charles’ Other Mistress Documentary on the unknown and ultimately tragic story about the Australian heiress the Prince of Wales loved and allegedly abandoned.

10.00 Neil Morrissey’s Risky Business Neil Morrissey and best friend Richard Fox attempt to open up their own pub and micro-brewery.

11.10 The Family A British family opens its doors to viewers in an eight-part observational series documenting family life.

12.10am Freesports On 4: Freeze 1.15 Party Poker Nations Cup 2008 2.15 KOTV Classics 2008 3.10 Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 The Blue Dragon (x8)

6.00 Home And Away Morag’s worst fears about Ross are confirmed.

6.30 Wild Animal ER Les performs a dramatic rescue when a deer falls down a ten-foot well. Crikey!

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency The Royal Navy search and rescue squadron has to save a seriously injured climber.

8.00 Nature Shock Uncovering the mystery of a group of hideously disfigured Tasmanian devils discovered in the late 1990s.

9.00 CSI: Miami A high-profile wedding service comes to an abrupt end when the bride is shot dead. The investigation throws up a number of suspects, but the CSIs cannot find the killer until they first establish the identity of the intended victim.

10.00 CSI: NY When a man accused of being the ‘cabbie killer’ turns up dead, Mac and the team must determine if the streets of New York are finally safe.

11.00 Law And Order: SVU The team investigates a terminally ill embryologist suspected of facilitating the suicide of a depressed woman.

12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.40 USPGA Golf 4.20 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 X-Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Showjumping 9.00 X-Adventures 9.30 World Motor Sport 12.00pm Kiteboarding 12.30 Spirit Of Yachting 1.00 World Motor Sport 3.30 Big League Weekend 5.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 6.00 NFL – Total Access 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 Poker Million 12.30am NFL - Total Access 1.30 Pool: World Pool Masters

Sky Sports 3 7.30am European Skins Golf 8.30 Golf: World Corporate Golf Finals 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Athletics – Great Run Series 10.30 Spirit Of Yachting 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Showjumping 1.00 NFL – Total Access 2.00 X-Adventures 2.30 Athletics – Great Run Series 3.00 Golf: World Corporate Golf Finals 4.00 X-Adventures 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 NFL 9.00 Rally Fever 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 12.00am Spirit Of Yachting 12.30 Sports Unlimited 1.30 Athletics – Great Run Series

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Noon: Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Stargate Atlantis 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 Drug Wars: D.E.A. 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm The Most Annoying Pop Songs...We Hate To Love 8.00 Celebrity Scissorhands 9.00 Last Man Standing 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Celebrity Scissorhands 12.45am Last Man Standing 1.45 Coming Of Age 2.15 The Most Annoying Pop Songs...We Hate To Love

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 My Family At War 8.10 1914-1918 9.00 That Mitchell And Webb Look 9.30 Flight Of The Conchords 10.00 The Book Quiz 10.30 Consuming Passions: 100 Years Of Mills And Boon 11.55 Operation Filmmaker: Storyville 1.25am Railway Walks

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 New Homes From Hell 9.00 FILM: Along Came Polly (2004) 10.50 FILM: School For Seduction (2004) 1.00am Entourage

1.50pm Wycliffe 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Wild At Heart 9.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Fallen Curtain 10.00 Flood 12.05am Jeeves And Wooster

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends 6.00 Scrubs 6.30 Scrubs 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends 9.00 FILM: Mr & Mrs Smith (2005) 11.15 Skins 12.20am Scrubs 12.45 Scrubs 1.15 Frost And Pegg’s Perfect Night In

3.00pm Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me. See highlights. 10.00 Death Of A President 12.00amComeDineWith Me 1.00 Death Of A President

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 Missing 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Conversations With A Serial Killer 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Green Green Grass 10.20 Only Fools And Horses 11.00 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.40 The Green Green Grass 12.20am Only Fools And Horses 1.00 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

2.00pm Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Badly Dubbed Porn (x3) 1.20am Frasier (x2)

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Bear Essentials 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 5.30 Ghost Stories 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium (x2) 10.00 Eli Stone 11.00 Nightmares And Dreamscapes 12.00am Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man

11.20am The High And The Mighty (1954) 1.50pm Wild In The Country (1961) 3.50 Look Back In Anger (1958) 5.35 Charade (1963) 7.30 The Palm Beach Story (1942) 9.00 The High And The Mighty (1954) 11.30 The Lost Weekend (1945) 1.15am Billion Dollar Brain (1967)

10.30am Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) 12.50pm The Page Turner (2006) 2.25 The Tango Lesson (1997) 4.10 Water (2005) 6.05 Away From Her (2006) 8.00 Gloria (1980) 10.05 Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead (1995) 12.05am 2 Days In The Valley (1996)

1.00pm Fanny By Gaslight (1944) 3.10 Belle Starr (1941) 5.00 The Wolves Of Willoughby Chase (1989) 6.50 Explorers (1985) 9.00 The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) 11.05 Talk To Her (2002) 1.20am Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery (1997) Mike Myers dons the bad teeth.

8.45am The Boyfriend (1971) 11.10 The Miniver Story (1950) 1.00pm The Private Lives Of Elizabeth And Essex (1939) 3.00 Green Mansions (1959) 4.50 Joe The Busybody (1972) 6.20 The Comedians (1967) 9.00 North By Northwest (1959) 11.30 Diner (1982) 1.25am Freaks (1932) 2.40 Ziegfeld Girl (1941)

Classics

Indie

038_LS397_TV_Wed

10/30/08

2:03 PM

Page 1

wednesday 5 Top Gear BBC2, 7pm We love it when numbskulls come together to crash and blow things up – and although Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are actually reasonably educated in the ways of motor vehicles, they do a pretty good numbskull impression with these second-hand lorries.

Bigger destruction, newer series.

The Bill Made Me Famous ITV1, 9pm It’s an institution – every jobbing actor has had a go on The Bill, or is going to. Some of these have gone on to bigger things, some appeared as ‘special’ guests when they’d already done the bigger things and some stuck around and it was their thing.

Featuring interviews with cast members old and new. Ahh.

Heroes BBC3, 10pm Spoiler alert! For those who just can’t wait until next week to see what happens after tonight’s terrestrial episode it’s easy to cheat by switching over to BBC3 and catching it a week early.

Nathan and Tracy plus Matt and Peter are all trapped and struggling for their lives against familiar faces. And Elle returns.

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sport

BBC1

BBC2

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Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 The Secret Show 4.04 The Owl 4.05 Get 100 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 3rd And Bird 9.10 Our Planet 9.25 Charlie And Lola 9.35 Finley The Fire Engine 9.50 The Koala Brothers 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 2.15 Market Kitchen 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 1.55 Regional News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.05 Batty Man 11.00 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 1.00 Will And Grace 1.30 FILM: The Sheriff Of Fractured Jaw (1958) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Nigel Marven’s Creepy Crawlies 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Jake Lassiter: Justice On The Bayou (1995) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Hyundai A League 6.30 Live Rugby League: World Cup 2008 9.00 Live Rugby League: World Cup 2008 11.30 Hyundai A League 12.00pm Revista De La Liga 1.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x8) 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports! 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Poker Million 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out 8.00 Little Dorrit Costume drama based on the Charles Dickens novel.

8.30 The People’s Hospital The first in a new documentary series about life on the wards at Whipps Cross Hospital in London’s East End. 9.00 Silent Witness When Rachel Harrington’s bones are found in Zambia, her father asks the team to investigate. He doesn’t believe local police’s claim that Rachel was killed by wild animals – and an initial examination shows evidence of stab wounds. Non-opposable thumbs puts Larry the lion in the clear. Phew!

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 My Family At War Eamonn Holmes and Kate Silverton discover their families’ roles in the Great War. 11.25 Film 2008 With Jonathan Ross Oliver Stone discusses W. 11.55 Medium Drama about a housewife who can see the dead.

12.35am FILM: The Cat And The Canary (1978) 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 Celebrity Scissorhands 3.15 Sign Zone: See Hear 3.45 An Island Parish 4.15 Recipe For Success 5.00 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman brings you all the latest gossip from the training rooms.

7.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views from the usual team. See highlights.

8.00 Autumnwatch In our penultimate visit to Brownsea Island we look forward to what you can do over the winter to help wildlife on your patch. Stop the pond freezing.

Nuff said.

9.00 Heroes As Hiro and others seize upon offers to join rival company Pinehearst Industries, Peter is forever changed by a meeting with its shocking founder. Claire and her mother Sandra team up to save Meredith. Familes, eh?

9.45 Heroes Unmasked Heroes Unmasked takes a further look into the trials and tribulations of troubled teen, Claire.

10.00 Mock The Week Comedy show panel show. Hosted by Dara O’Briain, with regulars Hugh Dennis and Frankie Boyle, and guests Andy Parsons, Mark Steel and Adam Hills.

10.30 Newsnight 11.25 Prescott: The Class System And Me The Prescotts continue through the British class system.

12.30am Joins BBC News 4.00 The Maths Channel

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lily collapses, but is her illness genuine? Or does she just have wonky knees? Not to be mocked, lopsided limbs.

7.30 Coronation Street There are fireworks on the street as Rosie finally makes her escape. Watch out for the sparklers, girlie.

8.00 The Bill Nate and Mel are confronted by a shocking sight when they arrive at the scene of a stabbing on a bus. Terrified passenger, Holly Perkins, is desperately trying to save the victim, Kelvin Gainham. Nate is charmed by how determined Holly is to help and is surprised to learn that she is Terry Perkins’ daughter.

9.00 The Bill Made Me Famous See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.50 Numb3rs Don’s team are called to the scene of a school shooting that leaves seven students and one teacher dead.

11.50 Police Camera Action: Ultimate Pursuits Special edition looking at how technology has helped police to stay one step ahead of criminals. That and bigger shoes.

12.20am Bingo Night Live 1.25 Raines 2.15 Loose Women 3.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Frankie is sad to leave her life behind and the family are crushed when they realise they are moving into one of Neville’s flats.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Home Show Architect George Clarke helps homeowners with different budgets fall back in love with their houses. George strips a dated house in Dorking bare before transforming into a dream home for a family of five. A palace for pennies.

9.00 The Family As Jessica and Pat tie the knot in an emotional ceremony, Simon and Jane reflect on their own marriage and wedding day.

10.00 Desperate Housewives Katherine and Mrs McCluskey press Edie for more information on Dave.

It’s a TV channel, surely.

11.05 The Inbetweeners Will’s parents have just divorced and he has unwillingly had to change schools.

11.35 Oasis: Video Exclusive 11.40 Balls Of Steel 12.30am 4 Music: T-Mobile Transmission: Collaborations 12.45 What About Me? 1.15 4 Music: JD Set Presents: Foals 1.30 FILM: The Warrior (2001) 3.00 Kevin McCloud And The Big Town Plan 4.00 The Price Of Property 5.00 Countdown 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Bartlett gives Kirsty an official warning. For not going on a date with him. Bad employee. New fangled harrassment laws, too.

6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary series based at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. Some orphaned ducks are given their first swimming lesson.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 It Pays To Watch Martin Lewis gives advice on how to beat the credit crunch this festive season, and meets ‘The Apprentice’ contestant Raef Bjayou.

8.00 Axe Men Series following the treacherous work of North American lumberjacks. No women’s clothing.

9.00 Paul Merton In India Paul meets the children who live in Mumbai’s central station, discovers the joys of ‘Mollywood’ cinema and endures past-life regression therapy.

10.00 Banged Up Abroad Dramadoc series telling the gripping reallife stories of travellers who find themselves incarcerated overseas.

11.05 Police Interceptors Documentary profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit.

12.05am PartyPoker.com World Open IV 1.35 NHL 4.15 NHRA Drag Racing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Hyundai A League 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Poker Million 12.00pm Pool: World Pool Masters 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 Hyundai A League 2.00 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 4.00 LIVE Pro20 Cricket 7.30 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 LIVE Euro Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 XAdventures 7.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 Rally Fever 9.00 XAdventures 9.30 Caterham Motor Racing 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 XAdventures 2.30 Caterham Motor Racing 3.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 5.00 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 7.00 European Tour Weekly 7.30 Total Rugby 8.00 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 10.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 12.00am Rugby League: World Cup 2008

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12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Lion Man 5.30 Lion Man 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 FILM: Big Daddy (1999) 10.45 Ross Kemp On Gangs 11.45 Road Wars 12.45am Street Wars 1.45 Stargate SG-1

7.00pm The Most Annoying Pop Songs...We Hate To Love 8.00 Celebrity Scissorhands 9.00 Dog Borstal 10.00 Heroes. See highlights. 10.45 Family Guy (x2) 11.30 Last Man Standing 12.30am Coming Of Age 1.00 Celebrity Scissorhands 2.00 Dog Borstal 3.00 Celebrity Scissorhands Uncut

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 My Family At War 8.10 An Awfully Big Adventure 9.00 Picture Book 10.00 A Year In Tibet 11.00 Joanna Lumley In The Kingdom Of The Thunder Dragon 12.10am Picture Book 1.10 A Year In Tibet 2.10 The Lost World Of Tibet 3.10 Picture Book 5.30 Close

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 9.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FILM: My Date With Drew (2004) 12.25am Coronation Street 12.55 The Most Pampered Pets In Britain

12.50pm Heartbeat 1.55 Wycliffe 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.05 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 Life 11.00 Blue Murder 12.30am Kavanagh QC 1.55 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes

3.30pm Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.00 Rude Tube 10.30 Fonejacker 11.00 Frank Skinner Live At The Birmingham Hippodrome 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Rude Tube

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.45 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.35 Dispatches 10.35 Bodyshock 11.40 Curb Your Enthusiasm (x2) 12.55am Bodyshock

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 Missing 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 French And Saunders 11.00 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.20am French And Saunders

2.00pm Becker (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x4) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Badly Dubbed Porn (x3) 1.20am Frasier (x2)

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Rome 10.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 Rome

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Dark Storm (2006) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 9.50 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 11.40 Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man 1.20am Medium 2.20 Ghost Stories

11.50am The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) 1.30pm Johnny Guitar (1954) 3.30 The War Lord (1965) 5.35 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 7.20 The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) 9.00 Gunfight At The OK Corral (1957) 11.10 Johnny Guitar (1954) 1.05am Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969)

11.10am Nelly And Monsieur Arnaud (1995) 1.00pm The Proposition (1998) 3.00 Them (2005) 4.20 New Police Story (2004) 6.25 The Escapist (2001) 8.00 Fire (1996) 10.00 Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 12.00am Hard Candy (2006) 1.50 A Time To Leave (2005)

1.00pm Move Over, Darling (1963) 3.05 The Thief Of Bagdad (1940) 5.10 Porridge (1979) 7.00 Home Alone 3 (1997) 9.00 Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery (1997) 10.50 Naked (1993) Mike Laigh’s tale of a wandering Mancunian in London.

1.25am Grave Of The Fireflies (1988)

9.15am Green Mansions (1959) 11.05 Executive Suite (1954) 1.00pm The Wheeler Dealers (1963) 3.00 Little Women (1949) 5.10 Beau Brummell (1954) 7.10 Hearts Of The West (1975) 9.00 Batman (1989) 11.15 Hit Man (1972) 12.55am Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962) 2.55 Knights Of The Round Table (1953)

Classics

Indie

039_LS397_TV_Thu

10/29/08

11:24 AM

Page 1

thursday 6 The Prince Charles Generation Channel 4, 9pm On 14 November, the Prince of Wales turns 60. When he was born in 1949 his destiny as king seemed set. Now it appears less steady. This interesting doc examines the lives of Charles and seven other men born that day and what’s happened in the interim. What is it to be 60?

Beautiful People BBC2, 9.30pm Based on the book by Simon Doonan, this show has gone down a treat, charting the adventures of both the younger Simon in the past of his school days and the trials of current Simon in New York. A new teacher arrives at the school who may actually be a Beautiful Person, and Si gets homesick.

The Fashion Show ITV2, 8pm The beautiful people that are Abigail Clancy, George Lamb and Michelle de Swarte are joined by stylist Clemmie Myers. Giving us the lowdown on how to imitate the Olsen twins style without dropping ten dress sizes, Clemmie proves a wealth of information.

Plus, Gabriella Cilmi talks about her style and sings a bit too.

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BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Raven 4.35 Election 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel 11.10 Primary History 11.30 Something Special 11.45 What? Where? When?

Why? 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 2.15 Market Kitchen 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.05 Fame Asylum 11.00 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Rescue Remedies 12.40 Will And Grace 1.10 FILM: The Sea Chase (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Nigel Marven’s Giant Rhino Adventure 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Still Crazy Like A Fox (1986) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Euro Tour Golf 5.00 Total Rugby 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Premier League Snooker 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Airsports World 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 Golf Night 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Bradley faces an agonising dilemma about Max, and Whitney’s plans for Tony’s birthday don’t go according to plan.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Little Dorrit Amy receives a proposal of marriage which throws her into confusion, Arthur is taken on as a partner in Daniel Doyce’s engineering works, and the French villain Rigaud arrives in London. Cad! 8.30 The People’s Hospital The cameras follow one of Britain’s busiest Ward Sisters, and some of her student nurses who are on the ward for the very first time.

9.00 Silent Witness Nikki clashes with Zambian police as she investigates the death of a British medical student.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the political debate from Tottenham in London.

11.35 This Week Political review.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Celebrity Scissorhands 1.55 Sign Zone: Beautiful People 2.25 Watchdog 2.55 What To Eat Now 3.25 Recipe For Success (x2) 4.55 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Len Goodman is back with his dancing masterclass.

7.00 James May’s 20th Century James investigates what the Space Race did for all of us who never got a chance to blast off, discovering the race to the moon began in Chiswick, West London. Well, you couldn’t get a cab from south of the river.

7.30 Money For Nothing Examining the impact of the credit crunch.

8.00 Autumnwatch Bill and Kate are joined by a surprise visitor as they wrap up the series and look forward to Springwatch.

9.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks The anarchic, pop quiz returns with host Simon Amstell, regular team captain Phill Jupitus and a special guest team captain. With guests Gabriella Cilmi and James Allan.

9.30 Beautiful People See highlights.

10.00 The Graham Norton Show Celeb couple and rock royalty, Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne join Graham.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 India With Sanjeev Bhaskar Sanjeev takes a trip along the incredible Grand Trunk Road to find his ancestral home.

12.20am Kath And Kim (x2) 1.15 Joins BBC News 4.00 Space Files

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Andy keep his temper in check when he sees Jo spending time with Lee? No ‘grr’s allowed. Geddit?!

8.00 The Bill Leaving St Hugh’s after a night shift, Nate and Tony are alarmed when a car pulls up and a young woman, Claire Webster, is pushed out – along with six bags of cocaine. Claire finally admits that she has been buying drugs from a minicab firm owner. Terry goes undercover. He da man.

9.00 Tonight: Undercover Special An in-depth undercover investigation.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.40 Natural Born Sellers After a gruelling five weeks on the road, only three are left to compete in the final task. How much money they have individually acquired for the pot in that time is now irrelevant. The person to earn the most money in their final task wins the competition, and the whole pot of money. Coo! The three have to try to sell shares in a racehorse on behalf of a charity.

11.40 The Last Word 12.10am Bingo Night Live 1.10 Motorsport UK 1.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.35 Loose Women 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks It’s the day of the funeral as the McQueens say their farewells to one member of the family. Screams and hugs all round.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage Autumn Hugh gears up for Bonfire Night, preparing medlar chutney and cheeses, lamb tagine and roasted vegetable kebabs to eat around the fire. Get your food fantasies here and drool in anticipation.

9.00 The Prince Charles Generation See highlights.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford.

10.35 Russell Brand’s Ponderland Tonight the Brand focuses on family, including the 12-year-old in control of an entire family and the worst example of parenting ever.

11.10 Fonejacker Comedy series.

11.40 The Law Of The Playground Series which takes an affectionate and witty look back at school days.

12.15am 4 Music: The Birthday JD Set 2008 12.50 Snowbombing Rocked By Xbox 1.20 Rockfeedback 1.50 Freesports On 4: Freeze 2.40 FILM: Never Die Alone (2004) 4.05 The Price Of Property 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Colleen plays matchmaker. There’s a change. Kirsty puts her job on the line. Couldn’t see that one coming. Martha goes back to work. What does she do?

6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary series based at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire, presented by Kate Gerbeau.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 UEFA Cup Football Live UEFA Cup football action from Group F as Aston Villa travel to play Slavia Prague. Colin Murray presents with commentary from Tony Jones. Kickoff is at 19.45. Home viewing or pub?

Dinner or a takeaway? Work tomorrow or a night to remember?

You decide.

10.00 FILM: Navy SEALS (1990) Starring Michael Biehn, Charlie Sheen, Joanne Whalley-Kilmer.

Rousing action drama in which the US Navy’s elite commando force, the SEALS, are sent to rescue hostages from a ship in the Middle East. A plot is uncovered to sell stolen Stinger missiles to terrorists, but when the SEALS launch a surprise attack in Syria to retrieve the armaments, the terrorists become more aggressive and the mission more dangerous.

12.15am Quiz Call 4.00 Major League Soccer 4.45 Nick’s Quest 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Live Euro Tour Golf 8.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.30 Total Rugby 9.00 Poker Million 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 Spirit Of Yachting 12.00pm Poker Million 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Test Cricket 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 XAdventures 6.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 7.00 Airsports World 7.30 LIVE Winning Post 9.30 Barclays Premier League World 10.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five-OO 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 The Dogs 1.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 2.00 Poker 4.00 LIVE Euro Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 WWE Experience 10.00 Motor Sport: Silverstone 24 Hours 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 XAdventures 2.30 Spirit Of Yachting 3.00 Motor Sport: Silverstone 24 Hours 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Race World 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 The Rugby Club 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am Live NFL 4.30 Airsports World

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Lion Man 5.30 Lion Man 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Fringe 12.10am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Last Man Standing 9.00 Celebrity Scissorhands 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Celebrity Scissorhands 12.45am Last Man Standing 1.40 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 2.10 Coming Of Age 2.40 Celebrity Scissorhands Uncut 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 1914-1918 8.30 Railway Walks 9.00 Consuming Passions: 100 Years Of Mills And Boon 10.25 How To Write A Mills And Boon: Timeshift 11.25 Railway Walks 11.55 BBC Four Sessions 12.55am How To Write A Mills And Boon: Timeshift 1.55 Consuming Passions

4.30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Smallville 8.00 The Fashion Show. See highlights. 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 FILM: Scary Movie (2000) 11.45 Entourage 12.20am FILM: Dead Calm (1989) 2.10 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter

1.55pm Wycliffe 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.05 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Missing Persons 9.00 Wired 10.00 Life 11.00 FILM: Married To The Mob (1988) 1.00am Missing Persons 1.50 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 2.40 Heartbeat

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 How To Look Good Naked 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 Crowned 11.30 How To Look Good Naked USA 12.00am Scrubs (x2)

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

3.00pm Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 The Underdog Show 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2) 2.00 The Underdog Show

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.35pm To The Manor Born 4.10 The Dick Emery Show 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments 11.40 Porridge 12.20am Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.15 Coupling 11.55 Badly Dubbed Porn (x3) 1.25am Frasier (x2)

4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 My Shocking Story 10.00 Couples Who Kill (x2) 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 My Shocking Story (x2)

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 10.00 Dead Like Me 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man

12.00pm The Desperate Hours (1955) 1.55 35mm 2.25 Phantom Of The Opera (1962) 3.55 White Savage (1943) 5.15 California (1946) 7.00 Shane (1953) 9.00 Experiment In Terror (1962) 11.10 The Desperate Hours (1955) 1.05am The Pawnbroker (1965) 3.05 Experiment In Terror (1962)

9.00am Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 11.00 Best (1999) 1.00pm Election (1999) 2.45 Tenacious D In The Pick Of Destiny (2006) 4.25 Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 6.15 A Scanner Darkly (2006) 8.00 Election (1999) 9.45 Sky Movies Preview 10.00 Happiness (1999) 12.25am Guy (1996)

1.00pm The Long Memory (1953) 2.50 The Bravados (1958) 4.50 Love Is A Many Splendored Thing (1955) 6.55 Guns At Batasi (1964) 9.00 I, Robot (2004) Will Smith demonstrates a healthy mistrust or his mechanical friends. 11.10 The Shape Of Things (2003) 1.05am 9th Company (2005)

8.55am Little Women (1949) 11.05 Roberta (1935) 1.00pm Stay Away, Joe (1968) 3.00 Sunday In New York (1963) 4.55 The Tender Trap (1955) 7.00 Gigi (1958) 9.00 That’ll Be The Day (1973) 10.50 A Kiss Before Dying (1956) 12.35am Whose Life Is It Anyway?

(1981) 2.40 The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964)

Classics

Indie

040_LS397_TV_Fri

10/29/08

11:17 AM

Page 1

friday 7 Unreported World Channel 4, 7.35pm Would you believe that a global demand for meat is driving the industrial farming for soya? Yup, it truly is happening, and it’s not going on in a good way with violent clashes between peasants, foreign landowners and the police in Paraguay. All because we want genetically modified soya to feed cattle.

NCIS Five, 9pm Friday night starting to feel like an endurance course? Becoming a relay from one tearful friend to another hi-energy club to a sun rise gutbuster? If you fancy a quiet one with gentle banter and a whodunnit then the Navy and Marine Corps investigation as one of their own gets kidnapped by a terrorist will do nicely. Ah.

Celebrity Scissorhands BBC3, 8.30pm Children In Need is around the corner, and the way we know this is the insidious arrival of CS. Would you let someone mangle your hair just for the chance to be on telly? Celebs include Five Star’s Stedman, Lucinda from The Apprentice and Grange Hill’s Lee MacDonald. Just say no – to that wonky fringe. Steve Strange helps.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 3.29 The Owl 3.30 Dennis The Menace 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 4.35 Dani’s House 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 10.00am 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Focus 11.20 Let’s Write NonFiction 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast 1.30 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 2.15 Market Kitchen 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Golden Balls

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.05 Who Really Runs The World 11.00 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Nursing Britain 12.40 Will And Grace 1.10 FILM: Escape To Athena (1979) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Nigel Marven’s Venom Hunters 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 Five News Update 3.15 FILM: Suburban Madness (2004) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm Airsports World 12.30 LIVE International Cricket 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 9.30 LIVE Friday Fight Night Live 11.30 Big League Weekend 12.30am Off The Bar 1.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.30 Friday Fight Night 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 Live Euro Tour Golf

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Sean has to take action when Archie’s manipulations go too far, and Ben confides in Shirley about his fears for the future.

8.30 After You’ve Gone All hell breaks loose in the Venables household when Jimmy gives a home to an abandoned ping pong table.

9.00 Have I Got News For You Another edition of the popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop.

9.30 Little Britain USA The final instalment of Matt Lucas and David Walliams’ American odyssey.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Celebrity chat with Jimmy Carr, and Da Vinci Code actor Paul Bettany.

11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 Celebrity Scissorhands 12.40am FILM: The Legend (1993) 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 Sign Zone: Timewatch – The Last Day Of World War One 3.15 ExForces And Homeless 3.55 British Style Genius 4.55 Joins BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two A preview of Saturday night’s costumes and dances.

7.00 Fossil Detectives The team visits Wales to bring dinosaurs back to life using evolutionary robotics.

Not about geriatric investigators.

7.30 An Island Parish Dramatic news reaches the Isles of Scilly.

8.00 Mastermind The hunt for the nation’s Mastermind continues.

8.30 Gardeners’ World Last in the series: Toby is in the vegetable garden, Carol is making the most of the season’s hips and berries and Joe is tackling the tender plants.

9.00 Michael Portillo: Death Of A School Friend Michael Portillo discovers how a friend’s suicide impacts a family’s life 10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the quiz show in which contestants are rewarded for having ‘more interesting’ answers.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth analysis of the stories behind the headlines.

11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion.

11.35 Later... With Jools Holland The Killers, Al Green & Fleet Foxes.

12.40am Blast: The Director’s Cut 12.45 Star Trek: The Next Generation (x2) 2.15 FILM: Brute Force 3.50 Kath and Kim (x2)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jasmine decides to go undercover to get her story. That never works out well. Unless it’s a show about people who regularly go undercover. Then only sometimes.

7.30 Coronation Street Fiz is under stress as she protests her innocence to the Street. Rosie reveals a shocking secret to Sally. She’s not a natural brunette?

8.00 Tonight In-depth current affairs reporting on a major issue.

8.30 Coronation Street Can Fiz forgive John’s evil actions? Sally takes charge of the incriminating footage. 50p a pop. Not really.

9.00 Midsomer Murders When Midsomer Worthy’s baritone Connor Simpson is killed just days before a competition, the rest of the choir which includes Joyce Barnaby - are in fear for their lives. Barnaby and Jones investigate and find an atmosphere of bitter rivalry and tense marital relationships. Then, there’s another murder and the race is on to catch the killer before the choral showdown. Hits the right note.

11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.45 Bingo Night Live 12.50am Planet Rock Profiles (x2) 1.45 FILM: Far From The Madding Crowd (1967) 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Louise finds evidence of Warren’s affair. What a mistake-a to make-a!

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World See highlights.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Series in which property experts help people trying to decide whether to buy in the UK or abroad.

9.00 Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live Tonight’s menu comprises a starter of angel hair pasta with crab, chilli and lime. Want it. Sounds tastier than a crisp sandwich.

10.00 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong Alan Carr hosts the topical showbiz game show which pits a team of celebrities against each other. It’s a celeb-off! With each team battling to hold the most column inches.

10.50 Lee Mack Live A stand-up performance from the comedian.

11.55 4Music Presents... Beck Exclusive first showing of Beck’s brand new video, Youthless.

12.00am 4Music Presents: The Verve 12.35 Lemar Special 1.05 Beat Stevie 1.20 Freeze Festival 1.45 Freesports On 4 2.45 KOTV 3.10 Trans World Sport 4.00 The Price Of Property 5.00 Countdown 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Belle is arrested by her boyfriend. Cringe!

6.30 Wild Animal ER Les rescues a badger who responds by giving him a nasty bite that sends him to casualty.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Escape From... Historian Saul David travels to Holland to explore the failed military operation of September 1944 when 10,000 troops parachuted into Arnhem to capture its main bridge. Not the best day.

8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. The interceptors pursue an out-of-control motorbike. A petrol thief attempts to destroy his ill-gotten gains, and one member of the team gets the chance to ride in a brand-new police vehicle.

9.00 NCIS See highlights.

10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Detectives connect the brutal hit-and-run murder of a prostitute to a violent video game.

Mary Whitehouse told you!

11.00 Law And Order The death of a Russian model takes a twist when an autopsy suggests she may have suffered long-term abuse. As opposed to short term death.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Lemur Island 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Euro Tour Golf 8.00 Barclays Premier League World 8.30 The Dogs 9.00 X-Adventures 9.30 The Rugby Club 10.30 Barclays Premier League World 11.00 The Dogs 11.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 12.00pm The Rugby Club 1.00 Euro Tour Golf 5.00 LIVE International Cricket 9.00 Test Cricket 11.00 Gillette World Sport 11.30 NFL - Total Access 12.30am Tight Lines 1.30 Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 3.30 Big League Weekend 4.30 Off The Bar 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Sky Sports Classics 5.45 Live Rugby League: World Cup 2008

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 WWE Raw 12.00pm Race World 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 NFL 4.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Golf Night 3.30 Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 10.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 11.00 UK Border Force 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.30 Greece Uncovered

7.00pm Spendaholics 7.30 The Most Annoying Pop Songs... We Hate To Love 8.30 Celebrity Scissorhands. See highlights. 9.30 Mouth To Mouth 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Coming Of Age 12.45 Mouth To Mouth

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Nathan Milstein: Master Of Invention 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Alistair Cooke’s America 9.50 People’s Century 10.45 BBC Four Session 11.45 FILM: Regeneration (1997) 1.35am Armistice 3.05 Only Connect 3.35 BBC Four Session 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy 6.30 Johnny Vegas: The Hot Desk 6.45 The X Factor 8.15 The X Factor - The Result 9.00 FILM: King Kong (2005) 12.35am Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter

3.00pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 FILM: Married To The Mob (1988) 12.00am Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford: No Crying He Makes

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Wife Swap 10.00 FILM: Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (1977) 12.45am Lucas And Walliams’ Perfect Night In

4.00pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.05 Grand Designs Revisited 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Courage Under Fire (1996) 11.15 Chopped Off: The Man Who Lost His Penis 12.20am All You Need Is Love

3.00pm Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.40 To The Manor Born 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 FILM: Men In Black II (2002) 11.30 Men Behaving Badly 12.10am Dinnerladies

4.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 10.35 Sex And The City 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Badly Dubbed Porn (x3) 1.20am FILM: Beavis And ButtHead Do America (1996)

4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 My Shocking Story 9.00 Couples Who Kill 10.00 Call 911 (x2) 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives 3.00 Couples Who Kill

1.00pm Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Sea Of Souls 10.15 FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 12.15am Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man

12.50pm The Italian Job (1969) 2.35 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 4.40 35mm 5.10 Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 7.10 The Nutty Professor (1963) 9.00 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 10.45 The Italian Job (1969) 12.30am Cahill, United States Marshal (1973)

9.00am Kenny (2007) 10.45 Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006) 12.20pm Full Metal Jacket (1987) 2.20 The Serpent (2006) 4.25 Earth (1998) 6.15 Kenny (2007) 8.00 The Lives Of Others (2006) 10.20 I Want You (1998) 11.50 Full Metal Jacket (1987) 1.50am I Want You (1998)

1.00pm Lady For A Night (1942) 2.50 Conspiracy Of Hearts (1960) 5.05 On Golden Pond (1981) 7.15 The Hound Of The Baskervilles (1959) The deerstalker comes out of mothballs to sit on Peter Cushing’s noggin. 9.00 In And Out (1997) 10.50 Monster’s Ball (2001) 1.05am Live Flesh (1997)

10.55am Goodbye Mr Chips (1939) 1.00pm Captain Nemo And The Underwater City (1969) 3.00 Judgment At Nuremberg (1961) 6.30 Till The Clouds Roll By (1946) 9.00 The Exorcist (1973) 11.15 Pink Floyd - The Wall (1982) 1.10am Mr Ricco (1975) 2.55 That Forsyte Woman (1949)

Classics

Indie

041_LS397_TV_Sat

10/30/08

3:14 PM

Page 1

saturday 8 Inside The Saudi Kingdom BBC2, 8.05pm Lionel Mill’s film has unique access to Prince Saud bin Abdul Mohsen, one of the rulers of the rich, powerful and secretive Saudi royal family. This is a fascinating insight into the conflicts between tradition and modernity in one of the world’s most conservative and autocratic countries.

Father Ted BBC2, 11pm Revel in the joys of this iconic comedy about misfit priests and their housekeeper Mrs Doyle, who keeps Craggy Island Parochial House ‘floating on a sea of tea.’ Get ready for those catchphrases: Mrs Doyle’s “Go on, go on“ and Father Jack's cursing, “Drink!“, “Feck!“, “Arse!“, “Girls!“ and “Gobshite!“

Picture Book BBC4, 7pm Series which reveals the enchanting story of childhood reading begins with our very first books and the picture book heaven they create for under fives, exploring the magical interplay of words and pictures and how they begin to shape our childhood imagination. Expect some Peter Rabbit and friends.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Ready Steady Cook 10.45 The Lord Mayor’s Show 12.10pm BBC News 12.20 Football Focus 1.00 Rugby League World Cup 2.00 Rugby Union: Wales V South Africa 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.25 Regional News And Weather 5.30 Hole In The Wall

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 7.55 The Owl 8.00 The Secret Show 8.15 Sportsround 8.25 Bernard 8.30 Gimme A Break 9.00 TMi 10.30 Hot Rods 10.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 11.00 The Secret Show 11.15 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.45 Eliot Kid 12.00pm Sound 12.30 Mission Beach USA 1.00 Greek 1.45 Revealed 2.00 The Sky At Night 2.20 Coast 2.25 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 2.55 FILM: Fort Apache (1948) 5.00 Rugby Union: Scotland V New Zealand 7.05 Coast From the Channel Islands the team make their way back to Dover where their adventure began.

Neil Oliver retells the tragic story of the first channel swimmer Captain Webb. Alice Roberts explores Jersey’s remarkable postwar transformation. Miranda Krestovnikoff visits the Gouliot caves on Sark. Nicholas Crane traces the story of ‘The Indestructible Highway’.

8.05 Inside The Saudi Kingdom See highlights.

9.05 Have I Got A Little Bit More News For You 9.45 Comedy Connections Series charting the history of some of our best comedy shows.

10.30 The Catherine Tate Show Nan visits an old friend in hospital and Lauren takes a job at Billy’s Burger Bar. 11.00 Father Ted See highlights.

11.25 The Fast Show All the familiar comic faces feature alongside characters including competitive Dad and Chris the Crafty Cockney.

12.00am Never Mind The Buzzcocks Simon Amstell and gang are joined by Gabriella Cilmi and James Allan from Glasvegas.

Expect topical shock from the viper Anstell tongue.

12.30 Beautiful People 1.00 FILM: Stella Street (2004) 2.20 Sign Zone: Silent Witness x2

6.00am GMTV 9.40 Emu 9.55 Bernard’s Watch 10.10 My Life As A Popat 10.40 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.55pm ITV News And Weather 1.00 Meridian News And Weather 1.05 FILM: Sweet Charity (1969) 3.45 Midsomer Murders 5.45 Meridian News And Weather

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Planet Cook 7.00 Adrenalin Rush 7.30 Ironman 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Orange UnsignedAct 10.00 The Hills 10.25 Friends 11.00 Friends 11.30 Everybody Loves Lil Chris 12.00pm Reaper 1.00 Red Bull Air Race 2008 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 How Clean Is Your House?

4.35 FILM: Michael (1996)

6.00am Live European Tour Golf 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Sky Sports Classics 3.00 You’re On Sky Sports 3.55 U Can Do It 4.00 LIVE European Tour Golf

6.00 ITV News and Weather 6.15 Hero An exclusive showing of the music video for Hero, as sung by this year’s X Factor finalists.

6.20 New You’ve Been Framed!

Harry Hill introduces more video phone and camcorder calamities.

6.50 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry Hill gives his unique perspective.

7.20 The X Factor The eight remaining X Factor hopefuls take to the stage to perform songs from Grammy Award-winning popstar Mariah Carey, who also performs live tonight.

8.50 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kay is joined by Paul Daniels and ex-EastEnder Joe Swash.

9.35 The X Factor – The Result Another X Factor dream ends. Back to the day job kids. Plus, Mariah Carey performs for a second time.

10.20 ITV News and Weather 10.35 FA Cup Highlights Matt Smith introduces action from today’s FA Cup first-round matches, including extended highlights of Blyth Spartans against Shrewsbury Town of League Two and Sutton United against Notts County of League Two. Commentary

by Peter Drury, Clive Tyldesley and Jon Champion.

12.05am Bingo Night Live 1.10 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.05 FILM: Wait Until Dark (1967) .

3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.35 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.00 River Cottage Autumn Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall returns to River Cottage to harvest the best that autumn has to offer. Hugh gears up for Bonfire Night, preparing medlar chutney and cheeses, lamb tagine and roasted vegetable kebabs to eat around the fire. Clare’s stint as the butcher’s apprentice continues and Ray’s butchery class focuses on the head and hams. Hugh and Richard also search for a loving partner for Blossom the Bristol Saddleback.

8.05 Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live The celebrated chef hosts an action-packed live series in which he intends to prove that anyone can create a mouth-watering three-course meal in just one hour.

9.05 FILM: Silent Hill (2006) Horror based on the popular video game, as a mother searches in a deserted mining town to find the source of her daughter’s debilitating nightmares, only to discover that the town is home to unspeakable evil.

11.25 FILM: Big Trouble In Little China (1986) See film highlights.

1.20am FILM: The Fighting Temptations (2003) Comedy.

3.40 Supporting Acts.

3.55 The Price Of Property 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Making It Arts and crafts.

5.45 The Hoobs

6.00am Kids TV 7.10 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 7.30 Hana’s Helpline 7.50 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.10 Little Princess 8.20 The Funky Valley Show 8.35 The Beeps 8.55 The Mr. Men Show 9.10 Rupert Bear 9.25 The Milkshake! Show 9.55 Sailor Sid 10.00 The Gadget Show 11.00 Axe Men 12.00pm Mean Machines Of War 12.50 Daring Raids Of World War II 1.20 FILM: Fools’ Parade (1971) 3.15 Zoo Days 3.25 FILM: Muppets From Space (1999) 5.10 FILM: Hackers (1995) 7.00 Five News and Sport 7.10 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. The team refuse to believe that a sailor whose death they are investigating was corrupt.

8.05 NCIS The agents investigate the death of a seaman found at the bottom of the sea in his dress uniform. As they struggle to determine whether it was murder or suicide, they discover that the man was addicted to a roleplay game.

9.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. A shocking event during an attempted arrest leads the CSIs to a series of bizarre deaths across the city, involving green blood, squirrels and some toxic tuna.

10.05 Law And Order: Criminal Intent American police drama series.

When Lisa Ross is brought into the emergency room with severe cysts on her face, suspicion quickly turns to her husband, a well-known dentist.

11.05 The FBI Files Documentary series charting the work of the FBI’s crime laboratory.

12.05am Quiz Call 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Lemur Island 5.10 House Doctor x2

6.00 Strictly Come Dancing The nine remaining celebrities and their partners must dance to impress.

7.20 Merlin The adventure romp continues, with Arthur finding an unlikely ally in Morgana when he helps a magical young fugitive.

8.05 The National Lottery Draws Kirsty Gallacher is live from Lottery HQ with draws.

8.15 Casualty Toby and Ruth battle to prove themselves to Jordan, but who will come out on top?

Meanwhile, Zoe is forced to make a compromise when dealing with Abby and Sharice, Jessica gets some shocking news.

9.05 The Royal British Legion: Festival Of Remembrance The Royal British Legion’s annual Festival of Remembrance pays tribute to the armed forces and all victims of war and conflict. With performances by Katherine Jenkins and Russell Watson and two minute silence as thousands of poppy petals fall from the roof of the Royal Albert Hall.

10.40 BBC News National and international BBC News, weather.

11.00 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from six Premier League games.

12.10am FILM: Black Eagle (1988) Martial arts thriller.

1.50 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.50 Weatherview 2.55 Joins BBC News

Sky Sports 2 8.30am LIVE Rugby League: World Cup 2008 11.30 Gillette World Sport 12.00pm Max Power 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 Live International Rugby Union 5.00 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 7.00 International Rugby Union 9.00 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 11.00 Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 12.30am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Hyundai A League 3.30 Football First: Match Choice 5.00 NFL: Total Access

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00pm WWE Smackdown 2.00 WWE The Bottom Line 3.00 Test Cricket 4.30 Volvo Ocean Race 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.30 Max Power 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

3.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 7.00 Inside Britain’s Fattest Man 8.00 UK Border Force 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Drug Wars: D.E.A. 12.00am Prison Break 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Football Gaffes Galore 7.05 Rugby Union: England V Pacific Islanders 8.05 The Real Hustle: High Stakes (x2) 9.05 Top Gear 10.10 Coming Of Age (x6) 1.10 Mouth To Mouth 1.40 The Real Hustle: High Stakes (x2) 2.35 Celebrity Scissorhands Uncut 5.30 Close

7.00pm Picture Book 8.05 Merlin The Legend 9.05 Reader, I Married Him 10.05 Mad Men 10.45 Damages (x2) 12.15am Selling The Sixties 1.15 The Hard Sell 1.45 Picture Book 2.45 Reader, I Married Him 5.30 Close

2.50pm Britannia High 3.45 Xtra Factor Results 4.35 All Star Family Fortunes 5.20 FILM: Twins (1988) 7.20 Planet’s Funniest Animals 7.50 Leslie Ash: Face To Face 8.50 Xtra Factor 9.35 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.50 No Heroics 10.20 Xtra Factor Results 11.05 Jack Osbourne 12.05am The X Factor 1.35 Xtra Factor

8.40am Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x3) 12.00pm FILM: Pollyanna (1960) 2.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.45 Rising Damp 4.20 The Music Of Morse 5.20 Inspector Morse 7.20 Agatha Christie’s Marple 9.20 Taggart 10.55 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers 11.55 Ain’t Misbehavin’ 2.00am Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2)

10.00am Gilmore Girls (x5) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 Supernanny US 7.00 Supernanny US 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 The World’s Greatest Comedy Characters 12.00am Roy Chubby Brown: Britain’s Rudest Comedian 1.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus

12.00pm FILM: Oliver Twist (1948) 2.15 Relocation, Relocation (x3) 5.30 John Adams 6.50 Relocation, Relocation (x2) 9.00 The Prince Charles Generation 10.00 Prince Eddy: The King We Never Had 11.00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: Silly Money 12.10am The West Wing 1.05 The Prince Charles Generation

2.00pm Home Video Heroes (x2) 3.00 The Jerry Springer Show (x6) 6.00 Will And Grace (x2) 7.00 Criminal Minds 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Masters Of Horror 11.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.05am Ghost Whisperer 1.05 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.15pm The Good Life (x2) 3.30 The Green Green Grass 4.10 The Good Life 4.50 The Green Green Grass 5.30 The Good Life (x3) 7.30 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.05 The Black Adder 10.45 Men Behaving Badly (x2) 12.00am Jonathan Creek 1.10 The Black Adder

4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Rules Of Engagement 12.10am Scrubs 12.40 Sex And The City (x2)

1.00pm The Great Egyptians (x2) 3.00 Crime Museum UK With Martin Kemp (x2) 4.00 Crime Scene USA: Missing Persons Unit (x2) 5.00 My Shocking Story 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 8.00 The Fight For Fallujah 9.00 FILM: Schindler’s List (1993) 12.30am Unsolved Murders

11.00am Star Trek (x2) 1.05 Thunderbirds (x2) 3.10 Quantum Leap (x2) 5.10 V: The Mini Series 7.10 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 8.50 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 10.30 FILM: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998) 12.20am FILM: Bordello Of Blood (1996) 2.30 Quantum Leap

12.20pm 35mm 12.50 West Side Story (1961) 3.25 The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 5.05 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 7.35 Lucky Jordan (1942) 9.00 West Side Story (1961) 11.35 The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 1.10am True Grit (1969) 3.20 Lucky Jordan (1942)

10.55am Factory Girl (2006) 12.40pm Clerks II (2006) 2.25 Tell No One (2006) 4.40 The Page Turner (2006) 6.10 Thank You For Smoking (2005) 7.45 This Is Indie 8.00 Factory Girl (2006) 9.45 Sex, Lies And Videotape (1989) 11.30 Clerks II (2006) 1.15am Thank You For Smoking

1.00pm The Hound Of The Baskervilles (1959) 2.25 Time Lock (1957) 4.15 Guns At Batasi (1964) 6.20 The Core (2003) 9.00 Dogma (1999) 11.25 Natural Born Killers (1994) 1.45am Talk To Her (2002) 4.00 Close

9.10am The Swan (1956) 10.55 The Man Who Came To Dinner (1942) 1.00pm The Merry Widow (1952) 3.00 The Party (1968) 5.00 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 7.00 Butterfield 8 (1960) 9.00 Stanley And Iris (1989) 11.05 Victor/Victoria (1982) 1.50am Children Of The Damned (1964)

Classics

Indie

042_LS397_TV_Sun

10/30/08

3:56 PM

Page 1

sunday 9 Bremner, Bird and Fortune: Silly Money Ch4 7pm Topical satirical comedy as impressionist Rory Bremner and regular collaborators John Bird and John Fortune present a fourpart satirical look at the global financial system. Expect expert comedy analysis of the nightmare situation we are having to deal with. You gotta laugh…

Stephen Fry in America BBC1, 9pm Stephen starts by meeting the physicists at the Los Alamos Laboratory who are unravelling the mysteries of dark matter, and who are in stark contrast to the ecohouse dwellers living off the grid near Sante Fe. He encounters Navajo Indians, and lives out his fantasy of becoming a cowboy.

Desperate Housewives E4, 9pm x 2 Tune in for two hours of glamour bitching. Bree’s estranged daughter returns home. Lynette comes home to find that Tom and Dave have formed a garage band.

Bree’s entrepreneurial success has the women of Wisteria Lane feeling envious. MJ’s family portrait leaves Mike feeling left out of his son’s life.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 8.15 Match Of The Day 9.30 The Andrew Marr Show 10.30 Remembrance Sunday: The Cenotaph 12.10pm The Politics Show 12.15 The Politics Show 1.15 EastEnders 3.05 Merlin 3.50 Little Dorrit 4.50 Points Of View 5.10 Songs Of Praise 5.55 A Woman In Love And War: Vera Brittain

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 6.55 Tweenies Songtime 7.00 Roar 7.55 Bernard 8.00 Mona The Vampire 8.15 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.35 Stupid 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Countryfile 12.30pm Rugby Union: England V Pacific Islands 1.30 Rugby League: World Cup Highlights 2.35 FILM: Wagon Master (1950) 4.00 Voyages Of Discovery 5.00 Remembrance Sunday: Cenotaph Highlights

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Art Attack 9.50 Prove It! 10.10 Finger Tips 10.30 Finger Tips 10.50 Planet Sketch 11.00 The Championship 11.45 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 12.45pm ITV News And Weather 12.50 Meridian News And Weather 12.55 FA Cup Special 4.15 The X Factor 5.45 The X Factor – The Result

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Planet Cook 6.55 Trans World Sport 7.50 Freesports On 4: Freeze 8.55 T4 Is 10 9.00 Friends 9.45 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.20pm Frock Me 1.15 Orange UnsignedAct 2.25 4Music Presents...

3.05 Friends 3.40 The Simpsons 4.25 The Simpsons 5.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor

6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf 8.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.30 Football First: Match Choice 10.00 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.30 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Football First: Match Choice 11.30 Football First: Match Choice 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 Golf Night 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

6.50 BBC News National and international news, Weather.

7.05 Regional News and Weather 7.15 Antiques Roadshow Among the treasures uncovered are a cannonball shot at the Battle of Trafalgar and a collection of cigarette cards worth a small fortune.

8.15 Strictly Come Dancing: Results Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly present the results from the eighth round of the celebrity ballroom dancing competition.

9.00 Stephen Fry In America See highlights.

10.00 BBC News National and international news, Weather.

10.20 Little Britain USA Vicky Pollard’s lying in hospital after a serious accident, and foul-mouthed child Ellie-Grace is accompanied to her first sleepover by her mother.

10.45 Spooks Drama series about the British Security Service. With Lucas back within MI5 he reveals that the Russians interrogated him about Operation Sugar Horse. If the Russians know about it, then MI5 has a very high level mole.

11.45 Celebrity Scissorhands 12.45am FILM: Breach Of Trust (1999) 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 Sign Zone: Holby City 3.15 Antiques Roadshow 4.15 Beautiful People 4.45 Joins BBC News

6.00 Wild China Documentary that brings pioneering images that capture the dazzling array of mysterious and wonderful creatures that live in China’s most beautiful landscapes.

7.00 Long Way Down Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman undertake another overland motorcycle adventure.

8.00 Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel to the US to take three new generation muscle cars on an epic road trip from San Francisco to the heart of Utah. Meanwhile, back in the UK Jeremy tests the feisty new Fiat 500 Abarth and Will Young is the Star In A Reasonably Priced Car. 9.00 Dragons’ Den: Outside The Den Series revealing the lives of the Dragons’ Den Dragons.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights from today’s four Barclays Premier League matches.

11.10 Graham Norton Uncut Norton comedy monologues, celebrity chat, eccentric stories and characters, and home-grown weirdness from the great British viewing public.

11.55 Heroes Peter is forever changed by a meeting with its shocking founder.

12.40am FILM: Scream Of Fear 2.00 FILM: The Man Without A Past 3.30 Joins BBC News 4.50 Inside Sport

6.30 Meridian News and Weather 6.45 ITV News and Weather 7.00 Britannia High It’s Jez’s birthday, and his friends plan a surprise celebration in fabulous all-singing, all-dancing style.

Never happened at my school.

8.00 Heartbeat When a criminal allegation is made against a fellow officer, Joe risks his career to prove their innocence.

9.00 Sharpe’s Peril Conclusion of the two-part drama. Sharpe is captured by the mastermind behind the opium trafficking ring but refuses to join him. Sharpe manages to get away and escape with MarieAngelique – but his absence is soon discovered by the enemy.

10.30 ITV News and Weather 10.45 FA Cup Highlights Craig Doyle introduces highlights of today’s FA Cup first-round matches, including Havant & Waterlooville’s home tie against Brentford of League Two. 11.50 The Vicar Of Baghdad Rageh Omaar presents an intimate portrait of Canon Andrew White, one of the unsung heroes of the Iraq war, who has become fondly known as The Vicar of Baghdad.

12.50am L.A Dragnet US drama 1.35 60 Minute Makeover 2.25 Antiques Auction x2 3.15 Have I Been Here Before x2 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.45 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: Silly Money See highlights.

8.00 Wife Swap USA A laid-back mother of two who works as a model and leaves all the housework to her husband swaps places with a tradionalist grandmother from a farm.

9.00 FILM: The Transporter (2002) Starring Jason Statham, Qi Shu, Matt Schulze, Ric Young, Francois Berleand and Doug Rand. High-octane action thriller in which a former Special Forces operative, now working as a mercenary package deliverer, finds his life in great danger when he breaks the golden rule of his ask-noquestions job.

10.45 FILM: Flight Of The Phoenix (2004) Starring Dennis Quaid, Hugh Laurie, Giovanni Ribisi, Tyrese Gibson and Miranda Otto. Tense adventure about a group of men who are left stranded in the middle of the Arabian desert after a plane crash. Their only hope of survival is to rebuild the craft so that she may fly again and carry them to safety. But can the captain and navigator calm the passengers as time starts to run out?

12.50am Brothers And Sisters x2 2.50 Dispatches 3.45 3 Minute Wonderx3 4.00 The Price Of Property 5.00 Countdown 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.25 Hana’s Helpline 7.40 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 7.55 Little Princess 8.05 The Funky Valley Show 8.20 The Beeps 8.40 The Mr. Men Show 8.55 Rupert Bear 9.10 The Milkshake! Show 9.40 What Makes Me Happy 10.00 The Black Mamba: Austin Stevens’ Adventures 11.00 Nature Shock 12.00pm Zoo Days 12.30 FILM: Sweet Hostage (1975) 2.25 FILM: From Here To Eternity (1953) 4.40 Five News 5.00 FILM: Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London (2004) 6.50 FILM: Ghostbusters II (1989) Starring Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson.

Fantasy comedy sequel. The phantom-fighters return to the streets of New York when they come to the aid of a woman who fears that her baby is the target of ghostly forces.

Four years after Dr Peter Venkman broke up with Dana Barrett, she appeals for help to save her son after he suffers some decidedly strange escapades. The old team reunites and traces the source of the trouble to a sinister underground river of slime.

9.00 FILM: The Longest Yard (2005) See film highlights.

11.20 Danger Men: Animal Bounty Hunters Six-part series examining some of the most dangerous jobs in the world and profiling the men who risk their lives to put in an honest day’s work. This instalment follows the game traders who capture wild animals in the reserves of South Africa. Don’t expect to see any ‘I love vegetarians’ action going on here.

More like the smell of blood and money and what drives these maverics to such extremes of employement.

12.20am ETU Triathlon 12.45 Mountain X Race 1.10 NFL American football 4.30 Seniors Golf Highlights 5.10 House Doctorx2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sky Sports Classics 6.15 Live Rugby League: World Cup 2008 8.30 LIVE Rugby League: World Cup 2008 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00pm WWE Afterburn 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Motor Racing: A1 Grand Prix 4.00 Wild Spirits 4.30 NFL: Total Access 5.30 NFL: Livewire 6.00 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am NFL: Top Ten 1.20 LIVE NFL 4.20 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 LIVE International Cricket 4.30pm Test Cricket 6.30 WWE Experience 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Vintage Collection 12.00am Rugby League: World Cup 2008 2.00 Masters Cup Tennis 3.30 ATP Tennis Magazine 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

10.00am Road Wars 11.00 WWE Experience 12.00pm UK Border Force (x2) 2.00 Bones (x2) 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Futurama 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 Fringe 10.10 Bones 11.10 Cold Case 12.10am Toughest Villages In Britain 1.10 Road Wars 2.05 The Villa

7.00pm The Most Annoying Pop Moments...

We Hate To Love 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Celebrity Scissorhands 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Touch Me, I’m Karen Taylor 11.15 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.15am Coming Of Age 12.45 Celebrity Scissorhands 1.45 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm Wilfred Owen: A Remembrance Tale 8.00 The Edwardians In Colour: The Wonderful World Of Albert Kahn 9.00 Walter’s War 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Michael Parkinson 11.00 Peter Ustinov: The Parkinson Interviews 12.00am Walter’s War 1.00 BBC Four Session 2.00 The Edwardians In Colour

11.10am Emmerdale Omnibus 2.05pm FILM: Twins (1988) 4.05 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.30 The X Factor 8.00 The X Factor - The Result 8.45 Sugababes: The Hot Desk 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FILM: King Kong (2005) 2.05am Jack Osbourne

10.00am Inspector Morse 12.05pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x6) 6.55 Jeeves And Wooster 8.00 The Best Of The Royal Variety 9.00 Super Sleuths 10.00 Rising Damp 10.30 The Making Of Sharpe’s Peril 11.05 Liverpool One 12.10am Hammer House Of Horror 1.10 Ain’t Misbehavin’ 3.05 Only When I Laugh

10.35am Dark Angel (x2) 12.25pm Roswell (x2) 2.10 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 4.00 The War At Home (x2) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.30 Sex And The City (x2) 12.45 Bring Back... Dallas

1.50pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.40 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 River Cottage Autumn 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Dana: The Eight-Year-Old Anorexic 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.10am Deal Or No Deal 12.55 River Cottage Autumn 1.55 The Secret Millionaire

1.00pm Exposed: Angelina Jolie 2.00 Maury (x3) 4.40 The Fix 5.00 America’s Next Top Model 6.00 Dirty Dancing: The Time Of Your Life 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2)8.00 Lipstick Jungle 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.30pm The Good Life 2.10 The Green Green Grass 2.50 The Good Life (x2) 4.10 Only Fools And Horses 5.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 6.20 The Good Life 7.00 The Green Green Grass 7.40 The Good Life (x2) 9.00 Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments 11.00 Men Behaving Badly (x2) 12.20am As Time Goes By

9.00am Two And A Half Men (x23) 9.30pm Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City 11.05 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.05am Scrubs 12.35 Rules Of Engagement 1.05 Sex And The City 1.40 Scrubs 2.10 South Park (x2) 3.10 Scrubs 3.40 Shortcuts Shuffle 3.50 Two And A Half Men (x4)

11.00am Mega Builders 12.00pm Hitler’s Henchmen (x2) 2.00 Mythbusters 4.00 American Chopper 5.00 Chop Shop 6.00 Bear Essentials 7.00 My Shocking Story 8.00 Days That Shook The World 9.00 FILM: Schindler’s List (1993) 12.30am Unsolved Murders 1.00 Call 911 (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives

1.30pm FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 3.10 FILM: Mystery Of The Crystal Skulls (2008) 4.50 Eli Stone 5.50 Thunderbirds 7.00 V: The Mini Series 9.00 FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 10.50 Thunderbirds 11.55 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 1.45am Star Trek

11.05am Tora! Tora! Tora!

(1970) 1.35pm D-Day The Sixth Of June (1956) 3.25 Twelve O’Clock High (1949) 5.40 The Enemy Below (1957) 7.20 Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 9.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 11.15 Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) 1.40am The Guns Of Navarone (1961)

11.50am The Duellists (1977) 1.35pm Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 3.50 Best (1999) 5.50 The Passenger (1975) 8.00 The Duellists (1977) 9.45 This Is Indie 10.00 Blood Simple (1984) 11.40 Do The Right Thing (1989) 1.45am Midnight Movies: From The Margin To The Mainstream

1.00pm Bogus (1996) 3.10 Prince Valiant (1954) 5.10 Porridge (1979) 7.00 Volcano (1997) 9.00 The Full Monty (1997) 10.50 Boys On The Side (1995) 1.05am Invincible (2001) 3.40 Close

7.25am These Wilder Years (1956) 9.00 Meet Me In St Louis (1944) 11.05 Today We Live (1933) 1.15pm Tarzan The Ape Man (1932) 3.00 Singin’ In The Rain (1952) 4.55 Young Cassidy (1965) 6.55 Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) 9.00 Mr Wonderful (1993) 11.00 Lolita (1962) 1.50am Arturo’s Island (1962)

Classics

Indie

043_LS397_TV_Mon

10/31/08

10:55 AM

Page 1

monday 10 Indian Food Made Easy BBC2, 8.30pm This second series takes Anjum Anand on a journey to show how regional flavours of the Indian subcontinent can be found up and down the country. In Liverpool we meet Lyn who cooks traditional English food at charity events, and is hoping to raise money by selling hot food at Liverpool’s farmers’ market.

The Commander – Abduction ITV1, 9pm First of a three-part story in which Commander Clare Blake has to oversee the case of a woman bludgeoned to death in her own home. The shocking nature of the crime is compounded by the fact that the chief suspect is the woman’s own son. No Oedipus complex there…

EastEnders BBC1, 8pm/BBC3, 10pm Who dunnit? The identity of Max’s attempted murderer is revealed, stunning the Brannings.

Meanwhile, Sean struggles to prove himself to Archie, Masood has a eureka moment about the future of the business, and Jane is thrown by an unwelcome visitor. Not Ian in the bedroom again? We hope not.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Uncle Max 3.35 Watch My Chops 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Get 100 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Kids’ TV 9.30 Finley The Fire Engine 9.45 The Koala Brothers 9.55 Fun With Phonics 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Get Squiggling 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Primary Geography 11.20 Look And Read 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Out Of The Blue 1.25 Coast: Strangford Lough And Torr Head 1.30 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 2.15 Market Kitchen 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead?

5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman starts the week with all the behindthe-scenes action.

7.00 This World International investigative documentary series.

The story of Himalayan mountaineers who filmed the shooting of Tibetan refugees as they fled into Nepal.

8.00 University Challenge London School of Economics are up against Selwyn College.

8.30 Indian Food Made Easy See highlights.

9.00 World War II Behind Closed Doors Documentary about the ‘behind closed doors’ politics of the Second World War. 10.00 Have I Got News For You Guest host Jack Dee is joined by guest panellists Peter Serafinowicz and Bob Marshall-Andrews MP. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis.

11.20 Band Of Brothers Wartime drama. A disparate group of young men begin training to become members of America’s elite paratroop regiment. Under the harsh leadership of Lt. Sobel, members go from green civilians to the Army’s elite soldiers.

12.20am Ellery Queen 1.10 Joins BBC News 4.00 KS3 Curriculum Bites

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 Meridian News And Weather 11.25 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 House Guest 2.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.15 Spin Star 4.00 Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Just Shoot Me 8.25 Just Shoot Me 8.55 Frasier 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Take Away My Takeaway 10.30 Wasted 11.00 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Wife Swap USA 1.30 Rescue Remedies 1.40 FILM: Timberjack (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons Homer becomes coach of Springfield pee-wee football team and makes Bart quarterback.

Can’t see a problem there?

6.30 Hollyoaks Cindy hides in the wardrobe to spy on Warren.

7.00 Channel 4 News Including sport and weather.

7.55 The Rory Peck Awards 2008 Awards celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers.

8.00 Not Forgotten: The Men Who Wouldn’t Fight Journalist and broadcaster Ian Hislop explores the stories of various conscientious objectors during the First World War. As well as delving into the local archives and personal war diaries, 9.00 The Lost Dugout: A Time Team Special Award-winning archaeological series.

10.35 FILM: Underworld (2003) Gothic adventure tale. While a centuries-old war between vampires and werewolves continues to rage, a beautiful vampire warrior, assigned the task of eradicating the enemy, must track a human who is being targeted by her foes.

12.50am Bremner, Bird And Fortune: Silly Money 1.50 FILM: Lemming (2005) 4.00 The Blue Dragon x2 4.30 Maths Mansion Series x4 5.10 Puzzle Maths x3 5.55 Making It

6.00am Kids’ TV 7.25 The Mr. Men Show 7.40 Make Way For Noddy 7.55 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Thomas & Friends 8.30 Milkshake! Music Box 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.50 Pocoyo 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Nigel Marven’s Shark Island 12.15pm Zoo Days 12.30 Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Plague City: SARS In Toronto (2005) 5.00 Five News With Matt Barbet 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Will Rachel’s attachment to Joe be a problem?

6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. Strolch the South American bear pays a visit to the eye surgeon. Can anything be done to save his eyesight? Six newborn lemurs also feature.

7.00 Five News At 7 National and international news.

7.30 Top Trumps: Earthmovers Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines.

8.00 The Gadget Show The gang puts a range of outdoor technology to the test, including walkie talkies, thermal underwear and radios.

9.00 Unbreakable Adventure series with explorer Benedict Allen in which eight intrepid volunteers undergo an onslaught of physical and mental pressure in a bid to be declared ‘unbreakable’.

10.00 Paul Merton In India Paul meets the children who live in Mumbai’s central station; discovers the joys of ‘Mollywood’ cinema; and meets an exceptionally dedicated record breaker.

11.05 FILM: Misery (1990) See film highlights.

1.10am NFL American football action 4.45 Race And Rally 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.00 LIVE Masters Cup Tennis 2008 2.00pm UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.30 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 4.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Irish League Football: JJB Premiership 2008 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 LIVE NFL 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

6.00 BBC News At Six National and international news Weather.

6.30 South East Today Local news, and weather.

7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog The latest consumer news and advice.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News News bulletin from the BBC. 8.00 EastEnders See highlights.

8.30 Panorama With the credit crunch affecting everyone, Panorama reveals the lengths some lenders are now going to.

9.00 Spooks The team are stunned to discover that Al Qaeda’s number three wants to negotiate.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today The latest news, sport, weather.

10.33 BBC Weather 10.35 A Question Of Sport Fast-paced sports quiz.

11.05 Inside Sport Gabby Logan presents a weekly sports show.

11.35 FILM: The Whistle Blower (1986) Starring Michael Caine.

Complex espionage thriller.

1.15am Celebrity Scissorhands 2.15 Autumnwatch Weatherview 2.20 Sign Zone: My Family At War 3.05 Little Dorrit x2 4.05 Recipe For Success 4.50 Joins BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight Local news and weather.

6.30 ITV Evening News and Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Scarlett has a proposition for Daz. 7.30 Coronation Street It’s payday at the factory, but what has happened to everyone’s wages?

They get paid?

8.00 The Price Of Life: Tonight A look behind the headlines at the stories of NHS patients being denied new cancer-fighting drugs on the basis that they are too expensive.

8.30 Coronation Street Tony struggles to avoid a factory revolt.

9.00 The Commander – Abduction See highlights.

10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.40 Deep Wreck Mysteries Series which uses the latest developments in diving technology to bring deep-sea wrecks to the screen.

11.10 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry Hill’s perspective on the week’s telly.

11.45 Ghosthunting With... I’m A Celebrity Yvette Fielding takes five famous former contestants to some of the eeriest places.

12.40am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.10 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.05 Loose Women 2.55 Chef V Britain x2 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Snow Adventures 8.30 LIVE Rugby League: World Cup 2008 11.00 Football First: Match Choice 12.30pm Football First: Match Choice 2.00 Spanish Football 4.00 NFL: Top Ten 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 Test Cricket 7.00 Rugby League: World Cup 2008 9.00 Test Cricket 10.30 NFL: GameDay 12.00am Snow Adventures 12.30 Irish League Football: JJB Premiership 2008 2.00 Big League Weekend 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00pm NFL: GameDay 1.30 Golf Night 4.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Masters Cup Tennis 9.00 Wild Spirits 9.30 Kiteboarding 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Stargate Atlantis 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Law And Order 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x3) 6.30 The Simpsons (x4) 8.30 Futurama 9.00 FILM: Godzilla (1998) 11.40 Night Cops 12.40am Road Wars (x2) 2.30 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Spendaholics 7.30 The Most Annoying Pop Moments... We Hate To Love 8.30 Celebrity Scissorhands 9.30 Coming Of Age 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Spooks 11.30 Celebrity Scissorhands 12.30am Last Man Standing 1.25 Coming Of Age 1.55 The Most Annoying Pop Moments...

7.00pm News 7.30 The Edwardians In Colour: The Wonderful World Of Albert Kahn 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 How To Solve A Cryptic Crossword: Timeshift 10.00 Prodigal Sons: Storyville 11.30 In Search Of Spanish Flu 12.00am The Edwardians In Colour: The Wonderful World Of Albert Kahn 1.00 Only Connect

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.15 The Montel Williams Show 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Britannia High 8.00 Katie & Peter 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (x2) 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.30 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) 1.25am Coronation Street

11.50am Heartbeat 12.50pm Inspector Morse 2.55 Wycliffe 4.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers 10.00 Brides In The Bath 12.15am Jeeves And Wooster 1.15 PD James: Cover Her Face

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 One Tree Hill 2.35 The OC 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 10.50 Alan Carr: Tooth Fairy Live 11.55 Scrubs 12.25am Scrubs

2.00pm ER 3.00 Hill Street Blues 4.00 Not Forgotten 5.05 Grand Designs 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Property Ladder 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 The Home Show 10.00 Grand Designs 11.05 Without A Trace 12.05am The Closer 1.05 Grand Designs 2.10 Without A Trace

3.00pm Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Lipstick Jungle 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Grey’s Anatomy 1.00 Will And Grace (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.40pm To The Manor Born 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Waiting For God 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 The Good Life 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 Fawlty Towers (x2) 11.05 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.45 Fawlty Towers (x2) 1.10 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Coupling 11.50 Badly Dubbed Porn (x3) 1.20 Frasier (x2)

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper (x2) 10.00 Chop Shop 11.00 Couples Who Kill 12.00am Deranged Killers 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.05pm The Lost World 1.00 Quantum Leap 2.00 The Invisible Man 3.00 FILM: Hercules And The Lost Kingdom (1994) 5.00 Thunderbirds 6.05 Angel 7.00 The Invisible Man 8.00 Medium 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 FILM: Past Tense (2006) 11.50 FILM: Multiplicity (1996) 2.10am Ghost Stories

1.30pm The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 3.30 35mm 4.00 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 5.50 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 7.30 A Medal For Benny (1945) 9.00 The Outof-Towners (1970) 10.45 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 12.45am Cahill, US Marshal (1973) 2.35 35mm

9.00am Fire (1996) 10.55 Idlewild (2006) 12.55pm Nacho Libre (2006) 2.35 36 (2004) 4.30 Fire (1996) 6.25 Nacho Libre (2006) 8.00 Office Space (1999) 9.35 The Big Lebowski (1998) 11.35 Idlewild (2006) 1.40am Office Space (1999) 3.15 Offside (2006) 5.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Move Over, Darling (1963) 3.05 On Golden Pond (1981) 5.15 The Wolves Of Willoughby Chase (1989) 7.10 The Beverly Hillbillies (1993) 9.00 Far From Heaven (2002) 11.05 Renaissance (2006) 1.05am The Wood (1999) 3.15 Close

8.55am Singin’ In The Rain (1952) 10.50 Song Of Love (1947) 1.00pm Three Godfathers (1948) 3.00 12 Angry Men (1957) 4.45 The Prodigal (1955) 6.50 Lust For Life (1956) 9.00 Fame (1980) 11.20 The Knack And How To Get It (1965) 1.00am Anna Christie (1930) 2.40 The Three Musketeers (1948)

Classics

Indie