Latest 7: No. 413 by Latest Homes

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2/27/09

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 3 – 9 March 2009

FREE WEEKLY

ross noble on shopping and ‘things’

top of the morning! st patrick’s day event details all sewn up

emily blunt on playing the young victoria

festival fever

it’s all inside, an indispensable guide to brighton festival 2009 page 12

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2/25/09

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003_LS413_contents

2/27/09

3:40 PM

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–13 5 Seann looks forward to Edinburgh 6 Social diary visits Donatello‘s 20th birthday and The Lanes beauty parlour

6 Competitions: win tickets and books 7 Dani says we should talk about sex 8 Alison‘s had some dodgy flatmates 8 Will attempts to hold a tune 9 Fashion is full of celebrity 10 Bare Cheek: not at the flicks this week 11 Ross Noble on the buzz of comedy 12 On the cover: Highlights and news from Brighton Festival 2009

Welcome Y

★ latest listings 21–41 21 Reviews We loved Urban Voodoo Machine

23 Stage The Garoghan is back in town

24 Film

Emily Blunt talks about starring in The Young Victoria, plus win goodies and cinema tickets

26 Comedy Comedians will misbehave

26 Art Beautiful photography by students

27 Kids & Events Science Week and a fairtrade market

★ latest news 14–16

27 Books John stalks through Rome Noir

14 News: Gordon Brown protest and Mary Mears on creative ways to save

15 Phil Mills on the battle to drive a train 16 Letters: coffee row boils over 16 Sport: Sussex‘s 2009 cricket season

Brighton Latest Download Chart

Pete Doherty‘s back, plus Jeff‘s pick of all the best gigs

31 Clubs

17 Andrew goes veggie at Terre A Terre

33 Gay

19 Health: surviving sexual abuse

28 Music

★ latest lifestyle 17–22 18 Hotlist. The best places to eat out

TOP

Playgroup, Supercharged, Silent Disco Sussex Beacon half marathon success

34 TV Dani on Being Human and your weekly TV guide

01273 818150

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Sub Editors Joe Curtin Patrick O’Donnell

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writer Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Administration Claire Peerless Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

ou might notice something a little different this week. We‘ve redesigned the magazine to make it brighter, bolder and easier for you to read – we hope you like the new look. If you want to tell us what you think of it, or respond to anything we‘ve said, email letters@thelatest.co.uk or write to the address at the bottom of this page. Brighton Festival announced its 2009 programme two weeks ago and it is already making a huge splash in the arts world. Find out about the exciting commissions and events in our cover feature (p12). We‘ve also got some excellent news about one of our columnists – Seann Walsh was named PIAS Newcomer of the Year in the Chortle Comedy Awards last week. That‘s no mean feat – Seann was up against some strong national talent and the awards were voted by members of the public; maybe even you. It comes on the heels of Seann winning the Comedian of the Year title at Leicester Comedy Festival, after being nominated by clubs round the country. Now Seann is starting to prepare for Edinburgh (p5). Maybe he‘ll even end up with his own TV show. If he does, don‘t expect him to tone down his act. Our in-house comedy expert Victoria Nangle has some wise words for TV bookers who don‘t understand that comedians are an edgy, rebellious lot (p26). Speaking of upcoming talent, Crane Kalman Brighton gallery has a startling show of work by former photography students. The images were originally part of degree shows at universities including Brighton; you‘ll be blown away by the level of talent and skill (p27). We’re giving away cinema tickets every week now, see the film section for how to enter and read about this week‘s releases (p24). We’ve also got a discount for Latest readers at Alive gym (p20) and there are some great offers at local restaurants, such as three courses at Terre A Terre for £12 – find out what Andrew made of it in his food section (p17). If you‘re looking for jobs, they’ve moved to Latest Homes (p20). Here in Latest 7, we have all our usual columnists, reviews, listings and a seven page TV guide (p34); what more could you ask for from a magazine with the credit crunching price of £0.00?

28 34 Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

latest 7 3

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2/26/09

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max gilkes & friends james morrison meets early bowie with a hint of marvin gaye 8pm £5/£4

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005_LH413_Seann/Xword

2/26/09

12:33 PM

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SEANN’S WORLD 05

Seann Edinburgh or bust t’s the time of year that comedians, theatre types and all in the performing arts begin to think about Edinburgh. Without the Edinburgh Festival Fringe – a performer‘s most reliable means of fast-tracking debt and alcoholism – I would barely think about Edinburgh. I might, if someone asked me to name a glum, Scottish city, whose grey-skinned inhabitants‘ bad looks defy the beauty of their surroundings. Or, if asked to name the only part of Scotland where there is any hope of hearing an intelligible accent. It is, Scottishness aside, a refined, cultured city, a wellmannered companion to Glasgow – its drug-addled, violent neighbour. It’s a photo opportunity from all angles: just point your camera in any direction and click. You’ll capture any combination of jagged mountains, a castle, misty alleys, turrets, Georgian houses, gargoyles, all odes to history.

You’ll probably also capture a drunk Scottish man vomiting over all of it. Maybe you‘d vomit if you were native to a country where they serve macaroni cheese with mashed potato. In Scottish ‘restaurants‘, a baked potato is a side-dish. They probably regard chips as garnish, and cheese as seasoning. I went to a shop called Farm Foods, where they had four types of vegetables. Something is wrong when a shop whose name features the word ‘farm’ has fewer vegetables than my house. I don’t know what goes on in Scottish farms, but I don’t think

Seann Walsh is preparing his liver and heart for the big Scottish adventure they harvest tinned ravioli and microwave fish and chips. Scots don’t trust food until it’s been boiled colourless, deep-fried or both. It’s no wonder there’s a drug problem; heroin is their only way of keeping thin. I’ve visited Edinburgh outside of the Festival. It sleeps, giving you time to appreciate its skewed, labyrinthine layout. And then, in August, it wakes up.

“Something is wrong when a supermarket whose name features the word ‘farm‘ has fewer vegetables than my house”

The Fringe starts. The streets are thronged with performers and people who think dance is an artform, rather than something your uncle does when he’s drunk. A five-minute walk can land you a sackful of flyers, advertising anything from a dance show about evolution to a musical about Aids. Trust me: those both happened last year. I didn‘t make them up; I‘m not that imaginative. This circus of unreality provides a reality check for many. This year, a comedian will realise he‘s not funny; a playwright will realise no one is interested in her childhood; a magician will realise no one likes magic. For every winner there are hundreds ignored. Performing in the Fringe is not so much like being a needle in a haystack as being some hay in a haystack. No wonder alcohol flows so freely. Every bar is full of drinking sessions. Some congratulatory, others consolatory. For the most, they’re a bid to fit into the surroundings, or to be out of the shoebox flat you share with ten other paranoid scruffs. By the end, the Fringe leaves you pessimistic, drunk and economically stringent. Maybe it’s not so un-Scottish after all. Oh, by the way, I can't wait.

latestcrossword Cryptic 183

solutions on page 33

Quick 183

ACROSS

DOWN

1 French-Canadian custom applied to worker (8) 5 Pick out topsoil cultivated to lose black stuff (4) 9 I leave the attendant a drink (5) 10 The inquisitor's art being in favour of the crooner (7) 11 Financial move concerning fashionable clothing (12) 13 Rural churchman – one held by Irish police (6) 14 Draw fliers taking fairy about (6) 17 Ceremonial process concerning electrical apparatus (12) 20 Drink made from pig leg and calf tail (3-4) 21 House, perhaps, in which disturbed poet dwells (5) 22 He's a beast of a father, Your Majesty (4) 23 Poetry rewritten backwards? (8)

1 Call like a wolf-bird leaving hospital (4) 2 Traditionally they did it by the book (7) 3 Dinosaur starts turning all icy in an oppressive way (12) 4 Boy chicken lost in church furniture (6) 6 Minister may go after the best time of life (5) 7 To win the girl go in Tandem (8) 8 Capable of agreement that can be shortened (12) 12 Advance notice for followers (8) 15 Disciples without old leaders a desirable bunch! (7) 16 Please contrive to pass (6) 18 It's sweet to turn up in tatters (5) 19 Children badly on the slide (4)

ACROSS 1 Pasta (8) 5 Newts (4) 9 Thrown (5) 10 Trimmed (7) 11 Swede (12) 13 Fuel business (6) 14 Maltreats (6) 17 Efficiency (12) 20 Outline (7) 21 Commerce (5) 22 Asiatic plant (4) 23 Dogs (8)

DOWN 1 Wither away (4) 2 Governing body (7) 3 Spiritual rebirth (12) 4 Table linen (6) 6 Moulds (5) 7 Nationality (8) 8 Baby carriage (12) 12 Consolidates (8) 15 Place (7) 16 Rare (6) 18 Vex (5) 19 Not as much (4)

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2/27/09

12:43 PM

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Radio Trip new album and tickets Radio Trip present their second album Music Heads and hit the UK this month with select club dates, deejaying and playing live. We have four pairs of tickets along with a copy of their album to give away. Radio Trip will be deejaying at The Hope in Brighton on Saturday 14 March.

Experience the blend of turntablism, blues and funk beats. This is a journey into vinyl culture with records from different countries and eras cut and pasted in their unique way. For a chance to win a copy of their album and to see them deejay live at The Hope on 14 March, just tell us: What is the title of Radio Trip’s latest album? See below for entry details. Entrant must be aged 18 or over.

▲

Speak No Evil book Popular crime novelist Martyn Waites appears at Tight Lip’s literary night at The Permanent Gallery in Brighton on Friday 20 March. Ahead of his appearance, we have three copies of his latest book Speak No Evil to give away to lucky readers, courtesy of Simon and Schuster UK. To be in with a chance of winning, tell us: Which Brighton venue will Martyn Waites be appearing at in March to discuss his latest book? See below for entry details.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 10 March

Andrew Kay (Latest Magazine), Clare Rogers (The Treatment Rooms)

has been snapping up pizza and yummy mummies…

Happy birthday Situated in the heart of Brighton’s famous Lanes, Donatello is an Italian restaurant frequented by locals, visitors and celebrities alike, and on Tuesday 17 February 2009 they held a party to celebrate the 20 years of this long-standing Brighton restaurant. The party started at 7.30pm with a wine reception and Andrea Fox from Juice 107.2 on the decks. It was attended by family, friends and many Brighton business people. An amazing buffet spread was served with not a spare seat to be found in the house. The evening escalated to sounds of Bongo Eddie who is perhaps best known as the percussionist from Kid Creole and The Coconuts, where for many years he has been a creative power and hugely entertaining showman.

Sue Addis (Donatello Restaurant), Bongo Eddie

Pietro Addis Georgio Addis Massimo Maccioco Andrew Smith (Brilliant Balloons)

Marie Arimond Brayoni Cerveaux Anais Cerveaux

Cllr Garry Peltzer Dunn (The Right Worshipful Mayor of the City of Brighton and Hove), Sue Addis (Donatello Restaurant), Simon Fanshawe

All The Lanes Health and Beauty: Jo Wood, Leanne Holdsworth, Julie Coates, Aliscia Cavallo, Katie Marchant, Rebecca Anscombe, Sarah Gledhill

Adrienne Sweetman, Clare Coombs (JBPR Ltd), Karen Boon

Katie Marchant (The Lanes Health and Beauty), Adrienne Sweetman

Yummy for mummies The Lanes Health and Beauty, Brighton’s favourite celebrity beauty spot has launched a new service dedicated to pampering that most deserving group: pregnant ladies. On Thursday 19 February 2009 Brighton’s pregnant women were invited to sample the delights of the Yummy Mummy To Be Package – a top-to-toe indulgent treatment to totally relax the pre and post-natal mummy, including a back and foot massage and a deluxe aromatherapy facial. At the event, mummies-to-be were treated to fabulous manicures, pedicures (my nails have never looked so good!) and the very popular, relaxing and restoring leg and foot massage – all topped off with a mouth-watering selection of baby pink and blue cupcakes! Guests were also offered the opportunity to make donations to Chestnut Tree House, Sussex’s only children’s hospice and the salon’s designated charity for 2009. For more information on the Yummy Mummy To Be package (£100) and the full range of treatments available at The Lanes Health and Beauty, call into the clinic for a price list or view it online at www.thelaneshealthandbeauty.com.

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3/3/09

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani 13-year-old boy is a dad. These few small words caused gasps and shock everywhere from the dinner table to 10 Downing Street. I am not sure how I feel about it. I am surprised but not shocked. I was surprised because I was expecting Alfie Patten to be a 13year-old who looked a lot older than his years but I was surprised to see that he really did look like a young 12 to 13year-old. The mother of the child is a 15-year-old girl who could pass for being older. What a strange couple! It has been reported that Chantelle Stedman’s mother let her 15-year-old daughter have Alfie over to stay, though she says she had no idea they had had sex. Is reporting this fact just society’s way of passing the blame on to her parents? When I was at secondary school a friend of mine had a boyfriend who was a bit older than us. He lived quite far away and her parents let him stay over, in her bed. They were then

Dani thinks parents need to be brave and talk to their children about sex Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

shocked to find out they had had sex. Part of me felt they were stupid to think they wouldn’t have, but then another part felt sorry for them, as they clearly thought their daughter was too innocent to do anything. So perhaps the mother of Chantelle thought her daughter would be safe going out with a young looking 12year-old boy. Although the parents of the baby are incredibly young, watching them during an interview made one thing clear. They may be shocked by what they now have, they may not understand the responsibility they have now put upon themselves but they love the baby. Little Alfie might not understand what the word ‘financially’ means but he realises that the baby laying in his arms needs love and care, which is more than can be said for a lot of grown-ups that have children. At the time of writing this there are sparks flying over the fact that there are claims that

Get tested Herefordshire Primary Care Trust is offering a £5 shopping voucher to 15 to 24-year-olds who go for Chlamydia screening. This is to help them meet their target of screening 3,350 people of the before mentioned age group by April. Personally I think there are two sides to this coin. On the one hand, if this does entice more people to go and be checked out, that’s great. But it is sad that they have to be bribed to do so. You can now buy Chlamydia tests in the supermarket, and be tested online. There are more secretive ways of doing tests than ever. So there really is no excuse to not get tested.

“Perhaps the mother of Chantelle thought her daughter would be safe going out with a young looking 12year-old boy” three other boys slept with Chantelle so Maisie could have three other potential fathers, although Chantelle‘s family deny this. I dare say that Alfie might be relieved to let go of the burden of being a dad at 13 but it would be hard for anyone to believe a child was theirs and then give it up. Regardless of who the father is, you can’t ignore the fact that a 15-year-old girl has become a mum before she‘s even old enough to live on her own. The real problem here is that some people’s parents don’t think enough. Although, being too strict is a bad thing, I suppose it would be best to have your child safe under your own roof than out and about. Yes, teenage pregnancies are on the rise but can we expect anything less when these teenagers are watching things like Skins, wear clothes that should be reserved for 20something clubbers and spend all their time uploading photographs of themselves on

Facebook? The only way anything will change is if we make sex less of a taboo subject. If parents would talk to their children about sex maybe their kids would be slightly better clued. It might be uncomfortable for parents to give the birds and the bees talk but no one seems to be doing it.

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2/27/09

1:11 PM

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08 CITY SPEAK

Alison ’ve lived with some crazy people over the years and not by intention. However, I seem to have a magnetic ability to find myself sharing soap space with people who could clearly have found careers as extras on One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. It has, at times, felt like a party trick: how long can you fool the new housemate (me) that you have all the faculties necessary to operate as reasonable human being before revealing your true ‘self’, or in some cases ‘selves’. Most people in Brighton have lived in a house-share. There is a time when this is good idea and, hell, you might even have enjoyed it. But at some point many of us have faced the fact that we really should graduate from this situation. I haven’t shared a house with strangers for over 10 years. But, recently, I decided to tackle the dark clouds of financial ruin by renting out my flat and moving into a houseshare around the corner. It is impossible to know what people are going to be like to live with before you’ve given it a chance. Most people present a holier-than-thou impression of themselves when you come for that five-minute spin around the house you are going to be

Alison Swann is now certain that there is a time and a place for house sharing

Will

Will Harris faces soul-destroying humiliation and steps up to the mic

’ve been thinking about that old adage: ‘Give me a child until he is seven and I’ll give you the man’. It strikes me that, if it’s true, it really ought to be someone else typing this – someone six stone heavier with a haphazard bowl-cut and a fixation with Roland Rat. It should also be someone who can sing. At the age of seven I enrolled with the Coventry Cathedral choir, where my lively soprano soared like an angel up to where the rafters would have been if the Germans hadn’t got there first. My pitch was perfect, my timbre smooth. My ‘Pie Jesu’ would bring a tear to even the grumpiest eye. It was only later, when puberty pulled me into its hairy-knuckled grasp, that the angel was knocked back to earth with a bang that marked the end of my singing career. From the moment my voice broke, I was incapable of carrying a tune. Perhaps that’s why, looking at my challenges for the year, the one that makes me most anxious isn’t a trial of endurance like climbing a mountain or of high emotion like finding out if my parents ever loved each other. No, it’s task Number 19 – Break my karaoke virginity. Some people love karaoke. My other half,

“A lithium-addicted ex-rent boy chased me around the flat with a Hula Hoops packet screaming: ‘No one likes you as much as they like Hula Hoops!’”

calling home. You take a chance. It is a complete lottery. In the past I have ended up living with a German-by-birth, Welsh nationalist who, not content with dyeing her hair green using food colouring, dyed all food and beverages in the kitchen the same colour – including the milk. And a ‘recovering’ heroin addict who turned the front room into a shooting gallery, as well as a lithium-addicted ex-rent boy who, on one particularly memorable occasion, chased me around the flat with a Hulu Hoops packet screaming: “No one likes you as much as they like Hula Hoops!“ Laughing is not good in these situations. Moving out is a far more sensible solution. Which is what I did last weekend. Back into my flat, and back to square one. My recent house-sharing experience came to an end due to the usual clash of needs. Theirs to live in a house in which a monk would feel restricted and mine to breathe. I have concluded that house sharing can only work at a time in life when you don’t give a damn, and as soon as you do then sharing is not something you are going to want to do. Believe me, there are some crazy people out there…

“Two hours, five attempts at ‘Private Dancer’ and umpteen pushes of ‘Thirsty’ later, my phobia of singing in public has retreated”

for one, has an almost Pavlovian reaction to the sight of a microphone, and was actually singing on stage the night we met (he was ‘Flying Without Wings‘, I was flying three sheets to the wind, and the rest was history). He doesn’t take much convincing, then, when I suggest we take a trip to Lucky Voice for a dry-run in preparation for my ordeal. Lucky Voice is a venue where you can enjoy the good parts of karaoke (belting out with cheery abandon songs you’d usually pretend you’d never heard of) without having to endure the bad (abject and souldestroying humiliation). We sing in a private room, without an audience, a button marked ‘Thirsty‘ our only connection to the outside world. It’s a bit like Sartre’s version of Hell, if it’d had drinks on tap and the ‘other people’ had all been belting out Tina Turner hits. Two hours, five attempts at ‘Private Dancer‘ and umpteen pushes of ‘Thirsty‘ later, my phobia of singing in public has, if not disappeared, at least retreated to a level where Number 19 no longer seems such an impossibility. Shame, I might not last that long, though, as my other half – having clearly been over-exposed to my vocal talents – looks ready to bury me outside the ‘Nutbush City Limits‘.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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2/26/09

10:35 AM

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AROUND TOWN 09

LATEST NEWS 15

L7NEWS

Phil Phil Mills on how the economic climate is boosting seasonal job applications

Summer jobs rush undreds of people have applied for a handful of summer jobs in Brighton and Hove which last year struggled to fill the vacancies. Almost 100 people tried for one job as a train driver on Volks Railway on Brighton seafront, 240 applications were received for seven gardening posts, and 120 people went for 27 beach cleaning positions. Pay is based on annual salaries of around £13,500, half of what some applicants were earning. They have come from all walks of life including redundant white collar workers. Dr Des Turner, MP for Brighton Kemptown, said: “They are startling figures but I take my hat off to the applicants. They clearly are trying hard to find employment in these difficult times“ He said Brighton and Hove generally had higher-than-average unemployment because of its seasonal economy and reliance upon the service and the finance sectors. “It is being harder hit at the moment because of job cuts in finance.”

latest 7

news

King Canute, Old Father Time and Magnus Volks at the helm during last year’s celebrations to mark of the 125th anniversary of the railway’s launch

Figures for January show there were more than 6,000 people claiming Job Seekers Allowance, or 3.6 per cent of the city’s workforce, compared to an average 2.4 per cent in the South East and 3.4 per cent for Britain. A council spokeswoman confirmed they previously had problems filling seasonal jobs and said sorry to unsuccessful applicants this year. She said: “While we were pleased to receive such a high number of applications, we appreciate it can be disheartening for those who are unsuccessful. “We hope it doesn’t deter them from applying for council employment – we are pleased we can offer a range of jobs during these difficult times.” One candidate for the train job told Latest: “It’s getting pretty bad but there are jobs out there if you are prepared to take on something you’ve never thought of doing before and if you are prepared to take a cut in pay. “I used to work in an office and now I’m emptying rubbish bins in a hospital. My wages are way down but the stress is so much lower.”

“Brighton and Hove had higher-thanaverage unemployment because of its seasonal economy and reliance upon the service and the finance sectors”

Trigger for change Stray Staffordshire Bull Terrier Sparkle was a joy to look after but had to be put down when no new home could be found. Sue Watson, animal welfare officer for Brighton and Hove City Council, said: “This is happening all over the country – Staffies are being abandoned because of the recession and because the breed is no longer trendy.” She said so many were being dumped that some rescue centres were turning them away: “It's such a shame because they are really lovely, loyal and affectionate dogs.” RSPCA chief vet Mark Evans criticised irresponsible owners who were only interested in their pet’s image. Sue said the recession was also to blame because some owners couldn’t afford pet food or vet bills. The death of Sparkle triggered the launch of a free neutering service run by the council’s animal welfare team, the RSPCA and the Dogs Trust. Vouchers for the service are available from the RSPCA and a public event is being planned for later in the year to promote the service. The vouchers entitle owners to have their staffy neutered free of charges, but donations to the RSPCA are requested. Councillor Geoffrey Theobald, Cabinet Member for Environment said: “Some 38 dog owners took up the offer at the last public event. Ultimately it could save dozens of Staffies from being abandoned and possibly put to sleep.“

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2/27/09

12:51 PM

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16 LETTERS | SPORT Chef Aldo Zilli and myhotel owner Andy Thrasyvoulou

LATEST LETTERS

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sport bunker

Sussex set for sucess Latest Sport’s Andy Winter looks forward to the cricket Championship Buying local Dear Andrew, As I have recently moved to Brighton I found your article in this week’s Latest 7 most informative. I too like to support local shops when possible. I would really love to know where on the beach I can buy fresh fish (ideally straight from a fishermen) and the best time to do so. I hope to spend this weekend visiting some of the shops mentioned in your article. I look forward to more local delights. Best wishes, Dina Coltman Andrew replies: There is a fish seller near the King Alfred Centre but times vary according to the tides. There are also sellers in Worthing.

Coffee debate continues

Send your letters or comments to: letters@thelatest.co.uk

You can also send to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

“Once again Sussex will rely heavily on the outstanding and incomparable Murray Goodwin” But once again Sussex will rely heavily on the outstanding and incomparable Murray Goodwin. His vast haul of runs were as pivotal to Sussex’s success since 2002 as Mushtaq’s wickets. I will never forget the television pictures from Trent Bridge when Sussex had secured its second Championship in three years. Most players were on the balcony celebrating, but Goodwin was shown comforting the emotionally drained, exhausted and injured Mushtaq Ahmed who had bowled through the pain barrier to take nine second innings wickets to secure the match and Championship. If for no other reason, visit the County Ground this summer to watch Goodwin. It may well be his last in England. Changes to regulations may deny Sussex his services from 2010. Perhaps I am wrong in saying“incomparable”. As a child, I had the privilege of watching Graeme Pollock bat. Like Pollock, Goodwin is never rushed at the wicket. He is a one in a generation player.

Picture: Clare Calder

Re: Charles and Shelagh Holcombe’s angry response to the letter printed a few weeks ago about a planned demo at the controversial Starbucks on St James’s Street – oh dear! Great use of alliteration in “pathetic placards postulating” but in regards to any understanding (or non-understanding) of what the signs deplore: ‘Protect independent coffee shops’ and ‘Starbucks – Suppliers of coffee to the torturers of Guantanamo Bay.’ Again, oh dear! Any “sane person” would delve a little deeper into the business practices and ethics of Starbucks to find out why it is a very real threat to independent traders. SB is known for actively employing very aggressive (and unnecessary) tactics including ‘cannibilisation’; pushing up of rents; and flouting of planning laws, to force independent traders out. A loss of which would have a massive impact on this city’s appeal to tourists – Brighton is known for its uniqueness not cloned chains. Please share a thought of solidarity for your local cafés that are suffering unfairly and whose profits actually do stay in the community and local economy (more important now than ever). Sadly, the Guantanamo sign wasn’t created by a “mindless paranoid crank”. SB do profit from a prison camp known for its use of torture and then claim to be ethical. Oh, and ‘homogenisation’ means cloning and has nothing at all to do with being gay. As for why L7 “allow[s] nutheads space in your magazine spouting utter nonsense concerning Starbucks coffee shop” – ahem! Monica, Brighton

ussex County Cricket Club goes into the 2009 Championship season with optimism, but some apprehension following the departure of some senior players. Gone in the last two years are match-winners such as Mushtaq Ahmed, Chris Adams and Richard Montgomerie. Yet some very exciting youngsters have come through and more continue to emerge – a tribute to coach Mark Robinson and his coaching staff. In my opinion, Rory Hamilton Brown is the outstanding prospect with both bat and ball. He will almost certainly follow on the heels of young players now established in the team, such as Matt Prior, Carl Hopkinson, Chris Nash, and Luke Wright. While Sussex will most likely lose the services of Prior to England in this Ashes summer, there is a most able substitute ‘keeper in the talented and ever-enthusiastic Murray Andrew Hodd. We can also Goodwin relish the return of the hugely popular Pakistan fast bowler, Yasir Arafat. New signing, Ed Joyce, will add to the batting backbone. New captain, Mike Yardy, has a hard act to follow but he will succeed if he remains true to his own values and does not try to replicate the showman that was Chris Adams. Yardy is a thoughtful grafter, sometimes appearing to be a tortured soul. He needs to approach the season with confidence knowing that he will have the unqualified support of his teammates and loyal Sussex supporters.

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay returns to the vegetarian restaurant by which so many restaurants are judged

Terre à dare I

remember drifting into Terre à Terre when it first opened in Pool Valley. I had coffee and cake and read a menu that had me back within days. That was many years ago and in those years Terre à Terre has become a legend in its own lunch and dinner time. Justifiably. Few places come close in terms of invention, presentation, style and service – and I don’t just mean vegetarian restaurants. No, Terre à Terre holds its own against almost any restaurant you choose to name. I never leave thinking ‘nice for vegetarian food’, I leave thinking ‘bloody marvellous, who needs meat?’. As a long-term fan I am always thrilled to discover that they are doing something new. At Christmas I got very excited about salt caramel truffles and bought boxes for everyone. They went down a treat but did inspire a certain vice as most of the people I gave them to tasted one and then ate the rest in secret. I like secret vices and salt caramel truffles are not that bad on the grand scale of things – I have worse. When I heard they were running a special menu at £12, I had to head straight down. Not that I’m mean, far from it, I am profligate. No, I simply had to see the T à T take on a credit-crunch menu. I was not disappointed. For the last month I have had the lovely Matthew with me on a work placement, so I decided to drag him along and show just how tough a job this really is. We went for lunch but the £12 menu is available Tuesday to Thursday lunch and dinner, Friday lunch and Sunday dinner until Tuesday 31 March. It is of course written with the usual panache. Amanda and Phil, the brains behind the Terre à Terre phenomenon are no slackers so we were offered choices of The Munch Crunch £12 per person three-course satirical menu that includes: Gordon Brown Butter Bruschetta, Northern Rocky Rasam, Boom and Bust Bad Boy Brinjal, Spaghetti Spin And Ed Balls, Darlings Little Truffle Plate and a Hedge Fund Frumble. Yes, get your head and your chops around that lot. There was also a Terre à Verre Menu at £30 for two, which includes the Terre à Tapas, fat chips and a half litre carafe of wine. Well I do the tapas thing so often I felt obliged to try the Munch Crunch thing – Matt was not given a choice. With two dishes at each of three levels we ordered the lot. I rather fancied the Northern Rocky wotsit but Matt declared a hatred of roquette so I had the Gordon Brown jobbie. I looked on with envy as he cut into his fat cakey thing and dipped it into the rich spicy soup below. I was not disappointed though when I discovered a tapenade of such intense flavour and amazing slippery sweet onions.

“Amanda and Phil, the brains behind the Terre à Terre phenomenon are no slackers”

Having given in to his faddy tastes on course one I was pretty determined to have the Boom and Bust affair, a towering delight of layered pooris with potato, chickpeas, aubergine and tamarind. It had my tongue doing a culinary recession rhumba. Matt too was having fun with his spaghetti and something of a road to Damascus experience with some deep-fried breadcrumbed olives. I love watching people as they discover the delights of something that they might easily have dismissed. Such delights and so pretty too, how can they do this at £12 a head. Well of course in the current market they would be foolhardy not to be telling the world that they are confronting the crisis with a culinary fight back of exceptional quality and value. Regular readers will know that I have never gone the full three courses at Terre à Terre, until now, that is. To be honest I think I have retained that status, as I chose the plate of truffles insisting that Matt have the crumbly rumbly doo dah. Even then I had only two and passed the balance to him. Well at 19 years old he still has the metabolism to deal with a massive meal, whereas I only need to look at pudding and boom, I look like a dinghy in a suit. There we have it, even at bargain prices T à T have me firmly in their culinary grasp. I have yet to be disappointed and I see no indication that I ever will be. I could rant on about meat lovers needing to give it a go but frankly, I don’t care. What they do is so exceptionally good, anyone not open enough to try what has to be up there in the culinary firmament simply doesn’t deserve to enjoy it. Yah boo and go get a burger! T à T may never persuade me to give up meat but they have consistently convinced me that their food is exciting, exotic and truly brilliant. Terre à Terre, The Vegetarian Restaurant, 71 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ. Call 01273 729051 terreaterre.co.uk

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18 HOTLIST Locals and foodies mix in this familyfriendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Sevendials Restaurant

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton, BN1 5DF, 01273 556708, www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of home-cooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and Sunday roasts. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, soak up the sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000, www.coachhousebrighton.com

Seattle Restaurant This breathtaking restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has great views and the best seasonal, local produce and locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious modern British, by top chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. It’s near Seattle Hotel – or spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton. Call 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere.

A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555, www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

the roofs of Paris is relaxing and bohemian. A recent French visitor said: ”The best croissant in Brighton, better than any I found in Paris!” 48 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu of twocourses £10.50, three-courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two-courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–5pm at £11.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s

Chinese Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Early Frog is available Tuesday to Friday at £20/13.95 between noon and 1pm. In the evening, buy one dish from the á la carte menu, get 50 per cent off the second main course (Tuesday to Thursday). Plat du jour at £7.95/9.95. Enjoy a lunchtime bowl of homemade soup with French bread for only £4.95. Gourmet evening on the third Thursday of every month, £49.50 including service for six courses and six glasses of wine. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa French patisserie on Queen’s Road. Everything is prepared each morning on the premises by their French gourmet pastry chef. Front of house serves coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst others. Seating by a mural of

This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle Indian bistro serving stunning food. Relaxed with an informal feel, the emphasis is authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. Daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. For dinner feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala. 42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. Enjoy – :“Sanuk” 165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi or just relax. In Kemp Town Village, just off St George’s Road and College Road. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior and works of local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, 01273 248890

Bars Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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HEALTH 19

Surviving Ruth Mason from Survivors’ Network discusses the long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse t will probably come as no great surprise for me to tell you that the impact of childhood sexual abuse can be enormous and differs case by case. Severity of abuse is varied and we find that many women are reluctant to classify their experiences as sexual abuse. Media coverage of childhood abuse is often the attention grabbing horror stories and hides the more subtle abuse. Many women start conversations with us by saying “I’m not sure if I should really be talking to you” or hesitate to get in touch with us because they aren’t sure that their experience was actually abuse. Survivors’ Network is working hard to raise awareness of sexual abuse and help women become more open to the idea that their experiences may be classified as sexual abuse.

“Survivors’ Network is working hard to raise awareness of sexual abuse” Survivors of sexual abuse can turn to one or more of a great array of coping strategies. Many survivors report feeling guilt and shame over their abuse and many of their coping strategies are designed to put them back in control of their lives. No matter how out of control it can appear to an outsider, the survivor who is battling an eating disorder, a self-harming or a substance misuse

problem is often trying to reestablish their control. Statistics for sexual abuse are hard to obtain and verify. The NSPCC suggests that as many as one in four people will have experienced some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18. They also report that because of the power of the abuser, societal taboos and family pressures, as many as 75 percent of abused children never reveal their abuse at the time. These pressures often mean that survivors who also use mental health services never disclose their abuse but the figures that we do have are dramatic. A recent Survivors Trust briefing paper quoted a figure of between 50 to 60 percent of psychiatric in-patients and 40 to 60 percent of all out-patients were sexually abused as children. Research also shows that there are significant physical health implications for those who experienced childhood abuse. Survivors have twice the rate of cancer, heart disease and chronic bronchitis. This may be because of coping strategies survivors are four times more likely to be current smokers and also twice as likely as nonabused women to have started smoking before the age of 14. Survivors‘ Network offers an anonymous confidential service to all women dealing with the effects of childhood sexual abuse. We run a Drop-In service, a HelpLine; call 01273 720110 (Wednesdays and Fridays from 7pm to 9pm), an email service help@survivorsnetwork.org.uk, and space2, a drop-in specifically for young women aged 16 to 25. Please see our website www.survivorsnetwork.org.uk or call for more details of our services or if you would like to help us to support survivors. Ruth Mason, project co-ordinator, Survivors’ Network. Call 01273 203380.

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LATEST LISTINGS 21

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON

3 – 9 MARCH

Under review Here’s our round up of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Patti Plinko And Her Boy It’s a pity there’s a smoking ban – curls of cigarette fugue would add to the mood with this chanteuse delivering savage and sensual ruminations of love and revenge. Her tiny frame hides a bold voice with such a delicious, curling sensuality that it’s inevitable that you’ll get carried off in her delighted, occasionally deranged obsessions – all raked in a gloriously throaty and joyous performance With breaks and starts in her singing that hold the promise and headiness of a long anticipated kiss, Patti Plinko is certainly a woman you’d want to spend a hour with in a upstairs bar. Upstairs at The Three And Ten, 13 February

★★★★✩ Andrew Allen Mark Watson – All The Thoughts I’ve Ever Had Since I Was Born Mark Watson is a tad highly strung. More than normal. A lot

of having someone you love more than anything – his wife – Mark Watson brought a brightness stirred up with some hearty laughs despite his unhappy beginning to the day. Watson has now become a banker of a comedy night out. Komedia, 18 February

★★★★✩

Terry Garoghan p23

Victoria Nangle

of his show is dedicated to how he knows he needs to stop getting so stressed out, but he got mugged earlier in the day so the extra is warranted. And he gets some laughs from it. Discussing the perils of a comic profession – no internal monologue – and the anxieties

Malcolm Holcombe The disheveled, beany wearing, hobo-looking, crooked back figure was being mistaken for someone who had inadvertently found the wrong venue. In fact the rather unevocatively named Malcolm Holcombe turned out to be a quite amusing case of first impressions really do not stack up to much sometimes. Not only did jaws drop and eyes widen at the sight of this man pouring out his inner soul on stage with just a guitar and a tapping foot for accompaniment, but he repaid the 'compliment' with a brilliant set of roots, country bluesy Americana, interspersed with some truly hilarious stories. A unique player and character. Latest Music Bar, 17 February

★★★★★ Jeff Hemmings

Hot review of the week The Urban Voodoo Machine @ Voluptuous Valentini The night was billed as a burlesque bounty, with award-winning dancers and three bands, headlined by The Urban Voodoo Machine. The Concorde 2 was laid out in a cabaret fashion, with a small dancefloor in front of the stage which unfortunately – although atmospheric – meant that actually seeing the show became difficult for half of the audience. A shame as the talents were there. Fortunately the bands took to the stage proper, with The Urban Voodoo Machine creating such an energy that the dancefloor was packed with a rabid joy at such a devastatingly enjoyable performance, conjuring Tarantino soundtracks and dirty parties in the deep south. Concorde 2, 14 February

★★★★✩ Victoria Nangle

Stephen K Amos – Finding The Funny So, in one corner there’s the young gun stumbling onto the stage only two years into his career. In the other a comedian who, by his own admission, has been doing this for far too long (15 years) and thinks it’s about time he got a TV show. Seann Walsh is a walking talking living doll of Brighton out on the lash; his tales of stumbling through a confused life were welcomed warmly by the home audience. Then there’s Stephen K Amos, the star of the show, the complete dapper opposite of Seann. This man knows his audience, and romped through a thrillingly interactive show, with less personal and more political than we are used to, but the show was still fantastic for it. Get that man on TV now!

23 Stage Terry Garoghan’s hilarious Brighton musical returns

24 Film Emily Blunt becomes a young Queen

26 Comedy Comedians on TV: What are TV execs thinking?

26 Art Cream at the Crane Kalman Brighton

27 Events & kids Fair trade market; BHF’s site for kids

27 Books Maxim Jakubowski’s Rome Noir

28 Music Pete Doherty speaks; reviews; news

31 Clubs Seven nights of clubbing euphoria

33 Gay The Sussex Beacon half marathon

34 Television Dani on Being Human, film highlights

Theatre Royal, Brighton, 10 February

★★★✩ Alison Swann

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

022_LS413_ads

2/27/09

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STAGE 23 You don’t take life that seriously, I’ve seen that raspberry pink silk suit. I bet you don’t wear that walking the dog on the beach. I’ve tried but my dog, Dubs, she just wouldn’t have it. And they say that dogs are colour-blind – nonsense! Some of your songs are a bit rude, I don’t mean mucky rude – well I do, they are a bit – but what I mean is you have ‘a bit of a go’. Is there anywhere safe for you in Brighton and Hove or do you have to wear a headscarf and Jackie O glasses when you go out? Cross my heart I have never once had any problem with anyone. Perhaps everyone understands that I’m simply trying to raise a laugh rather than make any serious point. Or perhaps I look too damn mean to pick a fight with. But yes, I do dress in women’s clothes when I go out, just to be on the safe side.

Dear Mr Garoghan… Andrew Kay is e-networking with self-proclaimed mayor Terry about his show Brighton The Musical Dear Mr Garoghan, I see that you have a property to let in Saltdean. Can you let me have the details please. By the way, are you the same Garoghan who does that Brighton Musical thingy? Dear Mr Kay, I am indeed Terry Garoghan, the evil mastermind behind the one-man musical spectacular known as the Brighton The Musical thingy. For the past 17 years years I have been writing lyrics about Brighton and its surrounding areas, including places you only go to by mistake, like The Knoll Estate. I myself live in Saltdean – but my roof isn’t green.

I bet you’ve unleashed your wit on a few new innocent suburbs? I believe I have covered all of Brighton, so I am having to venture further afield. A new ditty about Saltdean is finished. One about Peacehaven is a work in progress, rather like Peacehaven itself. The concept of an ‘innocent suburb’ is interesting: the virgin innocence of Southwick; the demure naivety of Coldean; the childlike nature of Portslade. Oh God, what have I started – forget I said that. So you, on stage, being heckled – badly – and belting out a load of funny songs. Will you be preying on audience members? There are slides of Brighton hot spots and lyrics on the giant screen. The audience will be quizzed on their detailed knowledge of where they live. People have already sent embarrassing photos of friends and relatives they will be coming along with. These we will share, and meet the featured ones themselves. In answer to your question: yes, I will be having a few words with carefully selected audience members.

‘‘I am indeed Terry Garoghan, the evil mastermind…’’

I thought so. Are you any balder, fatter, older? Is the show as funny? I am 54 but my son Harry is older than me, he’s seven. I am not as bald as I was! No, not miracle-growth donkey dung. So many men now shave their heads that I can appear quite shaggy in comparison. The show is funnier than in 1996 when it started. I was 42 then. Since I hit 50 people laugh at me most of the time, even when I’m not trying to be funny. Especially when I dance. Brighton has also become more and more ridiculous with the years. Since becoming a city, it does tend to take itself a little too seriously.

Stage listings 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Tanja Liedtke’s Twelth Floor Darkly funny exploration of our interaction through dance… • 3 Mar, 8pm, £17.50/12.50/10 Mugged and the Musicians With Brighton Academy of Drama. (Some mild swearing.) • 6 Mar, 8pm, £6 London Philharmonic Orchestra Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto 1 and Berlioz Symphonie Fantastique. • 7 Mar, 7.30pm, £10–£32.50 Elemental Combining Arabic belly dace, flamenco, tango, burlesque and more. • 14 Mar, 7.30pm, £12/10 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Schubert, Haydn and Sallinen. • 15 Mar, 2.45pm, £8–£30

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000

Excellent. Well, I’ll see you there. Must go now, I have to see if I can buy one of your CDs on eBay. If that fails, just ask the bloke next door to do you a copy of the copy he got from his mate. Terry Garoghan, Sing-a-Long-a-Brighton The Musical, Brighton Dome Concert Hall, Sat 21 March 8pm (doors 7.15pm). Call 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org.

• 10–14 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19

The Hawth, Crawley

Tuesday 3 to Monday 16 March Brighton Dome

So an element of excitement and danger – good. Will there be any gratuitous sex or nudity; you do have a reputation as a sex god? Hopefully! Last year I managed to slip in a photo of myself naked with a copy of The Leader lodged about my person. And there are the ever so sexy Brighton Rockettes, who look after the audience before the show and help me out on a few numbers. Sex god? Moi? Yes, I suppose I am!

www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Cirque De Glace The Russian Ice Stars bring to life the story of the creation of our planet. • 4–8 Mar, 7.30pm plus Thu, Sat & Sun, mat 2.30pm, £15.50–£26.50 The Witches of Eastwick Marti Pellow stars as Darryl Van Horne in the musical based on the hit film. • 10–14 Mar, 7.30pm, Thu & Sat mat 2.30pm, £12.50–£31.50

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Boeing Boeing West End and Broadway hit about one man with three air hostess fiancées. • 3–7 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19 Dinnerladies Adapted from the popular television series with original cast members Andrew Dunn and Shobna Gulati.

01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Condoco Dance Company Chaotic and funny piece about love and loss. Pieces by Nigel Charmock and Hofesh Shechter. Ages 16+. • 3 Mar, contact venue for show times/£ Houdini’s Suitcase Tale of love and loss, told through puppetry visual theatre. • 5 Mar, contact venue for show times/£ Heart of Darkness Tavaziva Dance presents a raw dance voyage into modern Africa. • 12 Mar, contact venue for show times/£ Baa Moo Yellow Dog Play for 2–5 year olds, using animal puppets and performed in British sign language and English. A young boy, Ash, feels lonely until he meets some new friends. • 13–14 Mar, 1.30pm Fri and 11am Sat, £6

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Rambert Dance Company 22 dancers with uplifting music from London Musici.

• 4–7 Mar, 7.45pm plus 2pm Thu & 2.30pm Sat. Please contact venue for prices. Lloyd George Knew My Father Edward Fox stars this comedy depicting the English aristocracy at their most maddeningly eccentric • 9–14 Mar, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat. Please contact venue for £.

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Jungle Book Birmingham Stage Company present Rudyard Kipling’s classic story about a young boy, Mowgli, who’s raised in the jungle. • 10–14 Mar, please contact venue to confirm times. £11/9

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Moscow Ballet – La Classique Moscow Ballet presents Giselle. • 3 Mar, 7.30pm, £15–£19.50 Fascinating Aida The 25th birthday of theatre cabaret trio, Dillie, Adele and Liza entertaining the masses. • 6 Mar, 7.30pm, £20/18

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24 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 3 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.15 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 1.00, 4.45, 8.30 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 3.20 HOTEL FOR DOGS (PG) 12.30, 2.45 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 JAR CITY (15) 8.45 LINHA DE PASSE (15) 8.00 NOTORIOUS (15) 9.15 PUSH (12A) 12.45 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE UNBORN (15) 5.00, 7.00, 9.15 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 12.40

Wednesday 4 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.15 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 1.00, 4.45, 8.30 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 3.20, 9.00 HOTEL FOR DOGS (PG) 12.30, 2.45 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 NOTORIOUS (15) 9.15

PUSH (12A) 12.45, 6.15 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE UNBORN (15) 5.00, 7.00, 9.15 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 12.40 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.15 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 1.00, 4.45, 8.30 THE DUCHESS (12A) 10.30am GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 9.15 HOTEL FOR DOGS (PG) 12.30, 2.45 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 THE PINK PANTHER 2 (PG) 10.40 PUSH (12A) 12.45, 6.15 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 THE UNBORN (15) 5.00, 7.00, 9.15 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 12.40 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (12A) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 WATCHMEN, NEW IN TOWN, FRANKLYN, CADILLAC RECORDS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Tuesday 3

Saturday 7

AUSTRALIA (12A) 11.00am THE CLASS (15) 3.00, 6.00, 9.00

MET. OPERA: MADAMA BUTTERFLY 5.45, 6.00 THE INCREDIBLES (U) 11.00am THREE MONKEYS (15) 2.00

Thursday 5 THE CLASS (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.15

Friday 6 THREE MONKEYS (15) 1.00, 6.30 WITHNAIL AND I (15) 11.30pm

Sunday 8 BIRDS EYE VIEW FILM FESTIVAL – INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY (15) 3.30 THREE MONKEYS (15) 1.00, 6.30

Monday 9 THREE MONKEYS (15) 1.00 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 3 BOLT 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.50, 8.00 GRAN TORINO (15) 2.20, 3.10, 6.00, 8.50 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 11.40, 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 HOTEL FOR DOGS (U) 4.40 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.40, 3.30, 6.20, 9.10 PUSH (12A) 9.20 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.10, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 THE UNBORN (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30

Wednesday 4 BOLT 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.50, 8.00 GRAN TORINO (15) 2.20, 3.10, 6.00, 8.50 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 11.40, 2.30, 5.30 HOTEL FOR DOGS (U) 4.40 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.40, 3.30, 6.20, 9.10

PUSH (12A) 9.20 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.10, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 THE UNBORN (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 8.30

Thursday 5 BOLT 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 12.50, 8.00 GRAN TORINO (15) 2.20, 3.10, 6.00, 8.50 HOTEL FOR DOGS (U) 4.40 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.40, 3.30, 6.20, 9.10 PUSH (12A) 9.20 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.10, 3.00, 5.50, 8.40 THE UNBORN (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 1.20, 3.50, 6.10, 8.30

Films showing Friday 6–Monday 9 WATCHMEN, NEW IN TOWN, FRANKLYN, CADILLAC RECORDS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 3–Thurs 5

Saturday 7

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 2.30 (Wed), 8.00

THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX (U) 10.15

Tues 3–Thurs 5 VALKYRIE (12A) (Tues, Wed) 7.30, (Thurs) 2.00

Gran Torino

Films showing Friday 6–Monday 9

01273 626261

AUSTRALIA (12A) 11.00am THE CLASS (15) 3.00, 6.00, 9.00

What’s on this week

Thursday 5

www.picturehouses.co.uk

Wednesday 4

L7 lowdown

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (12A) Dir: David Fincher The gritty, semi-indie director of Fight Club, Se7en and Alien 3, David Fincher, does exactly what you wouldn’t expect and fully embraces the awards-friendly rom-com genre. Brad Pitt takes the lead role as Benjamin, a man who is born old and slowly gets younger. Cate Blanchett looks on in soft-focus elegance as Fincher’s interesting take on an epic Forrest Gump-style story. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Unborn (15) Dir: David S. Goyer It’s a twin thang. Protagonist Casey (Odette Yustman) is hit on the head with a mirror by a neighbourhood kid only to find her eyes changing colour. A brief visit to the doc reveals that this is because she was once a twin, with her brother never making it to birth. As dreams plague her she comes to believe she is being haunted by a dybbuk, somehow connected to her family and to its history of twins. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Confessions of a Shopaholic (12A) Dir: P.J. Hogan Chick flick and rom-com combine to bring this British chick lit bestseller to the big screen starring Isla Fisher (The Wedding Crashers) as the wannabe fashion writer humbugging it up as a finance agony aunt. Dealing with an escalating debt, not unfamiliar in these times, with a girly giggly prat-falling twist. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing The International (15) Dir: Tom Tykwer Clive Owen and Naomi Watts star in this sharp thriller about an allegiance between an Interpol agent and a Manhattan ADA to chase down the illegal activities of a bank. Uncovering money laundering, arms dealing and the destabilization of governments, following the trail around the globe,

our intrepid duo find their tenacity leaves them in a very risky position. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Gran Torino (15) Dir: Clint Eastwood Back in Dirty Harry hard man mode, Clint stars and directs this piece about a Korean veteran turning local hero when a neighbourhood kid tries to steal his ‘72 Gran Torino. There are far, far better things than gangs – so says the Eastwood. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Australia (12A) Dir: Baz Luhrman An epic tale of British aristocrat Nicole Kidman inheriting a cattle station before World War II. When challenged by local cattle barons she enlists the help of local rough-hewn stock-man Hugh Jackman in a massive cattle drive across unforgiving country. A major advert for Australian countryside. Showing at Duke Of York’s Three Monkeys (15) Dir: Nuri Bilge Ceylan Coming from France, Italy and Turkey, and with Ceylan named Best Director at the 2008 Cannes Film Festival this is truly an international and universal tale. A family made up of a father, mother and son conspire to block out failings in each other that should, in truth, tear them asunder. Taking their cue from the three monkeys who heard, saw and spoke no evil. Showing at Duke Of York’s The Class (15) Dir: Laurent Cantet This excellent Palme d’Or winning slice of contemporary objective realism pieces together a year inside the classroom walls of an urban Parisian school. From the raw teenage honesty of the pupils, to the mature challenge of order that stirs the class to life, a tense clash of generations, cultures and attitudes gently unravels. A potent and subtly gripping drama. French with English subtitles. Showing at Duke Of York’s

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FILM 25

Win The Young Victoria film goodies To celebrate the release of The Young Victoria (6 March), Latest 7 has three luxury handwriting sets to give to lucky readers. To enter, answer this question: Who plays Prince Albert in this new film? A Rupert Everett B Rupert Friend C Ralph Fiennes Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Young Victoria’ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page 3. Closing date for entries Mon 16 March.

We are most amused Emily Blunt talks about playing Queen Victoria in her new film The Young Victoria How have you found playing Victoria? It’s wonderful. It’s exciting; it’s a challenge to say the least. She was a remarkable girl, and so of course you want to do her justice. And there’s a big journey to play with her from this young, rather stubborn teenager, to a rather magnetic queen, very much in command of herself. It’s a big arc to find and, particularly when you shoot out of order, it’s tricky to maintain that. But I’m loving her. I’d read a lot about her before I did this and, contrary to popular belief, she was, when she was younger, a feisty and emotional and intelligent, vibrant person. I think that people mistake her for being this widowed, mourning queen. So it’s exciting that we’re going to refresh people’s opinion of Victoria in this. Wasn’t she oppressed by her mother when she was young? She was. She had a very isolated childhood and, you know, she

wasn’t allowed any friends, or the friends had to be interrogated before they were allowed to meet her. She led such a secluded life and wasn’t allowed her own bedroom; had to sleep in the same room as her mother till she was 18; couldn’t walk down stairs without someone

“No wonder she made this stubborn burst for freedom when she became queen” holding her hand. I mean, just so awful! So, no wonder she made this stubborn burst for freedom when she became queen and made some mistakes, these silly, reckless mistakes, because she was finally independent of everyone. And it was probably frightening to put a young girl

who’d lived in her imagination in that position. So Albert came in and she needed him; he was her greatest achievement, I think. And he came in with his very Teutonic ways and sort of reeled in some of that emotion so that they became this very successful couple. But she wouldn’t have been the success she was without him. We’ve also heard she had a very close relationship with dolls… With dolls! [Laughs.] There’s quite a bit of playing with dolls, so I’m going back to my Barbie days in this film! Did you watch other Queen Victoria performances? I watched Judi Dench do Mrs Brown. Her queen was great; her Victoria was still quite vibrant and feisty even though she was deeply unhappy. So that was helpful. And also, I just read everything I could on her. I’ve also read her diaries; have seen letters that she wrote. And

Win cinema tickets to a film of your choice at the Odeon Brighton Win a pair of tickets to see whichever film you like at the Odeon. From this Friday, the Odeon will be showing Watchmen, the new film set in an alternative America of 1985; one in which costumed superheroes are part of the fabric of everyday society. For a chance to win this week’s tickets, answer this question: In which decade is Watchmen set? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Watchmen’ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page 3. Closing date for entries is Monday 16 March. Entrants must be 18 or over.

you can hear her voice, you know, this rather emphatic way of talking and underlining words as if she can’t stress them enough. You can hear how emotional she was. Horrible temper. Terrible temper! Yes, we’ve heard. Don’t you end up chasing Albert around the palace? Yeah, and he would just shut the door on her and she’d keep chasing him around slamming the door. I nearly lost my voice that day filming. [Laughs.] Screeched myself senseless. How did you find wearing the gowns? I hated the corset. Over it – so over it. Every day I had to wear it. They put it on me in the morning, then they loosen it off for lunch, and then it’s painful to get back into it again after a big meal. But they are beautiful… But I think if one more person stepped on my train, I might have swung some punches!

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26 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle wonders just what TV executives are expecting when they commission comedians

nce upon a time TV producers decided to invent cheap television. This was even before they’d thought up the idea of nicking the local car park’s CCTV footage and scaremongering middle England with images of teenagers getting tipsy on Thunderbird and necking. This was back when they were trying to find the easiest way to get the most entertainment talent for their buck with the least roll call. And so they struck upon the idea of putting stand-up comedy on the tellybox. Whether it was Arthur Smith fronting Paramount City, Ben Elton on Saturday Night Live or Mike Reid on The Comedians, they found individuals who had honed the art of keeping an audience entertained for anywhere between ten and 30 minutes all on their own. No scriptwriters, no extra actors, just them. A financial godsend to be squeezed, and squeezed and squeezed until there was nothing left to do but either throw them back onto the circuit or give them a sitcom.

“If you’ve hired a comic because they’ve a sharper tongue than Bernard Manning’s mother-in-law – don’t be surprised if they use it” So here’s the twist: if you’ve hired a comic for your telly show because they can think on their feet; their handle on current affairs; and have a sharper tongue than Bernard Manning’s mother-in-law – don’t be surprised if they use it. There are media folk up in arms about jokes by Frankie Boyle, a gag by Jason Byrne about the Irish prime minister that almost dropped broadcaster RTE in it, and the risqué elements of a certain headmaster sketch that Rowan Atkinson has been performing for nigh on 20 years. If they were going to use comics then – shock, horror – they might want to be funny in their own inimitable style. That’s why they’ve been hired. And now the world is up in arms that they’re doing it on the telly. Shocking and challenging comedy has been on the circuit for centuries, and in a live forum there’s a different brand of censorship. If it’s not funny, it’s out. Comics shouldn’t behave irresponsibly on telly, but it’s an adjustment to a different kind of censorship. And someone keeps moving the goal posts.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “For me, snowboarding is having the crap beaten out of me by a mountain.” Ed Byrne

Ross Noble – Things Voted one of the top 10 stand-ups by Channel 4, and here’s your chance to see why. In his new show Ross will be covering the topic of ‘things’ – big things and small things. Also on Thursday The Brighton Dome, 8pm, £20/18.

Thursday 5 Brian Gittins and Friends

with Simon Munnery One of the most original, bizarre and hilarious phenomena to hit modern comedy. Joined by the groundbreaking, inimitable Simon Munnery. Upstairs at Three And Ten, 8pm, £8/6. Walks Into A Bar A night of free midweek comedy to kickstart March. Featuring a selection of local comics. The London Unity, 9pm, free.

Crane Kalman Brighton is currently presenting the first in a planned annual showcase of some of the most talented photography graduates from last year’s Bachelor of Arts photography courses. Entitled Cream, the exhibition features a selection of 10 of the best and most diverse talents to emerge from some of the most prestigious universities and colleges the length and breadth of the country; from Edinburgh to Brighton, and Newport to Northampton. Cream: A Showcase of Graduate Photography Talent runs until Sunday 15 March. Cream: A Showcase of Graduate Photography Talent, Crane Kalman, Kensington Gardens, until Sunday 15 March

Art listings Bellis Gallery 8-9 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 747429 Patrick O’Donnell New work from this gifted local artist whose work embraces the figurative, and sometimes the apocalyptic. Intense, yet radiant. •Mon, Wed–Sat 10.30am–6.30pm, Sun 11.30am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

Comedy listings Wednesday 4

Cream of the crop

Monday 9 Knock Knock Comedy Featuring some of the best comics on the circuit as well as the best upcoming acts! Tonight‘s lot are Mark Simmons (MC), Jim Grant, Iszi Lawrence, Mark Cornell, Ryan Sampson, Albion Gray and Pete Jonas. Caroline of Brunswick, 8pm, £5.

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived. •Until 26 April Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years and include

modern, local, international and historical works. •Until 13 April

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea, 01424 229111 William Furlong Anthem continues Furlong’s use of the voice and sound as the primary materials of his work where he makes original recordings of individuals in specific places, chosen at random and who happen to be passing by. For Anthem, the location is the De La Warr and Bexhill. •Until 15 March, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

Crane Kalman 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Cream Selection of work 10 talents currently studying at universities and colleges throughout the country •Until 15 March, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10.30am–4.30pm

Permanent Gallery 20 Bedford Place, Brighton 07730 065964 GAZWRZ & RAYDAY Exhibition by Jeff Keen and Ian Helliwell to mark the BFI release of GAZWRZ: The Films of Jeff Keen on DVD and RAYDAY, a boxed edition of Keen’s broadsheet papers. •Until 8 March, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

University of Brighton Gallery Grand Parade, Brighton 01273 643010 From Art School to University: Art and Design at Brighton 1859-2009 Bringing together work from artists and designers associated with the university, celebrating the founding of the original school of art 150 years ago. •Until 14 March, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 27

Events News & highlights

Write club John O’Donoghue hits the mean streets of Brighton to meet Maxim Jakubowski and discuss Rome Noir got the message on Tuesday. Maxim Jakubowski was going to be in town Friday night. He ran a racket on Charing Cross Road – books they said, dark ones, as dark as any night you ever woke up screaming. His headquarters, Murder One, is filled wall to ceiling with novels your mother wouldn’t like and your father dreamt of reading. I heard he also fronts Crime Scene, held every July in some joint called the NFT. I decided to go down a few mean streets and check him out.

I Love That Stuff indoor market Brighton Marina sees its first fair trade indoor market this Saturday 7 March, hosted by Love That Stuff. Set in a spacious 50 foot by 30 foot shop (Unit 9), the project will run for a year, supporting 16 producer groups in developing countries by marketing their goods, so they can earn a living wage. Browse and buy fair trade goods at this new indoor market. It starts Saturday 7 March from 11am to 5pm and Sunday 8 March from 12pm to 5pm. Regular opening hours after this will be Thursday to Saturday, 11am to 5pm and Sunday 12pm to 5pm.

National Science and Engineering Week The National Science and Engineering Week launches this Friday 6 March. Events take place across the UK in schools, science centres, universities and even on the street. Visit www.new.org.uk for further information, including activity packs for children, a Darwin in Space competition, mass

participation activities, like Save Our Bees and Change Exchange, and the programme of events.

BHF’s new website for kids The British Heart Foundation (BHF) has launched a brand new website for under 11s. The site (www.cbhf.net) is jam-packed with games that teach children all about how important their hearts are and how to look after them. One game invites children to create their own pet monsters, and decide what they eat, how active they are, and whether they smoke or not. If children stuff their online pets full of junk food and cigarettes they get ill and die, but if they keep them active and give them a balanced diet, they progress in the game. It’s a Tamagotchi/Sims-style game for the new generation with an underlying message about healthy living. The cbhf.net website is part of the BHF’s ‘Food 4 Thought’ campaign that aims to educate and empower children to make healthier, better informed food choices.

Events listings Tuesday 3 Buzz Community Dance Group A new creative dance group that welcomes people with and without disabilities. St Richard's Church Hall, 7pm–8:15pm, £4 adults/2 children.

Saturday 7 Aerial Dance Lab Workshop with Hazel Maddocks for students interested in aerial performance and choreography.

Suitable for students with aerial experience. Hangleton Community Centre, 1pm–4pm, £45. Brighton Marina Fair Trade Indoor Market The Marina hosts its first indoor market, launching this weekend in a spacious shop (Unit 9, Brighton Marina). Fair trade wine, nibbles, world music and some fantastic products. Also Sunday 12–5pm. Running throughout

“About 180 pounds, steel-grey hair, a nose so Roman he could have broken it off of Julius Caesar” Western Road was its usual Friday night gumbo of fever, panic, and mayhem. Two guys in the street sparred as I strolled towards Bedford Place, just for the hell of it by the looks of them. By the time I got to The Permanent Gallery I could hear squad cars… It was the kind of place nobody respectable ever checked out: bare floorboards; a naked bulb hanging from the ceiling; a kitchen out back. There was a heavy on the door, but I flashed my press card and was in. A blond guy called Jay Clifton was MC, and soon Tight Lip – no stoolies allowed – was under way. A few acts later and suddenly there he was: The Big Jakubowski himself. He looked like a guy from the Lower East Side, a crazy mix of Polish, Russian, French, and God knows what. About 180 pounds, steel-grey hair, a nose so Roman he could have broken it off of Julius Caesar. He knew a guy who’d been to the Eternal City, he said. He’d brought his piece with him. Was going to whack some broad he had the hots for. You couldn’t tell if he was making it up, or if he knew the guy personally. I decided to split. I’d managed to get what I came for: Rome Noir. Check it out – there’s enough clues if you for look for ‘em. I filed my copy Sunday night, the soft, haunting sound of his voice still in my ears. Maxim Jakubowski: one guy you never forget… Rome Noir, Maxim Jakubowski and Chaira Stangalino, Akashic Book, £10.99. Maxim Jakubowski will be back at Tight Lip, May 1, reading from the Ultimate Burlesque anthology, in aid of Burlesque Against Breast Cancer. Visit www.tightlip.co.uk.

Book listings March – with the hope to open all year. Brighton Marina, 11am–5pm Crochet in the Round Learn to crochet multi-coloured squares and hexagonal blocks and join them together without sewing. Bring a 4mm crochet hook and several colours of pure wool double-knitting yarn. Book on 0300 0290902. Hove Museum & Art Gallery, 2:30pm–4:30pm, £7.50.

Saturday 7 March Kiersty Boon The local author will be signing copies of her new book Walking on Chalk at Waterstone’s bookshop. Waterstone’s Brighton 11am, further details on 01273 206017.

period of our national past, using the paintings of the era as his starting point. Presented by City Books. The Old Market. 6.30pm, £6, includes a glass of wine.

Friday 20 March Coming up Friday 13 March Jeremy Paxman In his book The Victorians, Jeremy Paxman offers his personal take on the most important and influential

Martyn Waites Tight Lip present their special guest, author Martyn Waites, presenting his new book Speak No Evil. The Permanent Gallery, 7.45pm, £tbc

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28 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

news ▲

The Ghost Of A Thousand Big congrats to Brighton band The Ghost Of A Thousand who have signed a deal with renowned US indie Epitaph, home to many a punk-indie band. They’ll be releasing their second album via their new label in June, and grace their hometown as part of the Great Escape in May.

▲

Vinylman Managing to survive the possibility of vinyl becoming obsolete, Vinylman is a record fair, a fantastic marketplace for music in all formats with tonnes of memorabilia. Mr Vinylman himself is, ahem, 60, and to celebrate 30 years of organising record fairs he’s got a bit of a special this month. As well as over 150 stalls, Snake Eyed Mamas and Mojo To Go Go will present the blues band King David’s Trio Royale, plus there will be entertainment from a belly dance troupe, DJs and a Euro-style café. If you haven’t checked out Vinylman, here’s your chance! Vinylman Record Fair, Brighton Centre, 22 March, 9.30am-4pm.

I can only imagine how long it takes Galas to get ready, but it’ll be worth the wait for this rare gig as part of Brighton Festival. Saturday 2 May, Dome 2

The Pete Doherty saga continues with the release of his debut solo album and a tour of the UK t turns lauded and vilified, Pete (or Peter, as he likes to be known now) is turning 30 this week, but already he’s had a lifetime’s worth of ups and downs. From the utopian ideals of The Libertines, through a very messy relationship with Kate Moss, his well-documented drug problems, and his recent unpredictable outpourings via Babyshambles, Doherty continues to make music that, while not always successful, is dangerous, provocative, edgy and unpredictable. The ‘People’s Poet’ may sometimes veer towards the mundane and the hazily lazy, but there’s a restless spirit, as evidenced by the first album that bears his name, Grace/Wastelands, recorded with producer Stephen Sweet. “They kept telling me in rehab that I had self-esteem problems, so I went along with it, but it didn’t really register,” he admits. “But now, I can really see that, because I don’t really believe people when they tell me that they love the record or they enjoy listening to the songs. Maybe I’m just warped, you know?” Dot Allison co-wrote and sings on ‘Sheepskin Tearaway’, and his Babyshambles bandmates play throughout, but the biggest impact on the album , says Pete, was the inimitable presence of another unique English artist. “Graham Coxon ended up playing on most tracks,” Peter beams. “He was probably in the studio more than I was, to be honest,” he notes with a wink. “I was absolutely horrified when he said he was actually a fan of some of the things I’ve done.

the

Big

Diamanda Galas

Mr Shambles

gig

“I’m really curious to find out what people honestly think of the songs, particularly critics, because in a way you can kind of bank on certain people’s opinions, you know? You know that if someone’s into you then they’re into you, whereas critics are gonna look at it less subjectively and pick holes, if you like. That’s what I’m waiting for, really.” Whatever critics may say, there can be no denying that Grace/Wastelands is a brave exploration of one man’s soul, and an excavation of a heart left desolate. “I’ve learnt that there’s nothing in my day-to-day life or anything that I do that is in any way aimed at changing how I’m perceived or how I’m presented,” he sighs. Thursday 19 March, Brighton Dome

UPCOMING GIGS Emiliana Torrini 14 March, St Georges Tunng & Tinariwen 18 March, De La Warr Lily Allen 20 March, Dome Goldie Lookin’ Chain 23 March, Concorde 2 Rumble Strips 24 March, Komedia Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 Mr Hudson 25 March, Hanbury The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Nick Harper 28 March, Latest Bar Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome PJ Harvey 15 April, Corn Exchange Bat For Lashes 16 April, Corn Exchange Gary Moore 17 April, Dome

The Rakes 21 April, Concorde 2 Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, Brighton Centre Gallows 2 May, Concorde 2 Diamanda Galas 2 May, Dome Art Brut 6 May, Concorde 2 Great Escape 14-16 May Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Antony & The Johnsons 21 May, Dome Katy Perry 2 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome Loop 11/12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28-31 August Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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BARS & CLUBS 29

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 3 to Monday 9 March

Tuesday 3 Matthew Bourne presents Songs From A Lost Piano The maverick pianist, two striking vocalists and sound manipulator Ashley Wales present a composition for five reclaimed pianos. De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £12

Wednesday 4 Imelda May Dublin girl Imelda May brings a contemporary twist to rockabilly and rhythm ‘n’ blues. With Jailbait. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £10. Open Mac Showcase night for electronic music talent. Bring down your samplers and laptops. Sidewinder, 9pm, free The Blow Monkeys Dr Robert and crew make a welcome comeback. Originally formed in 1981, these glam jazzers have kept the pop faith. The Hanbury Club, 7pm, £16/14. The Die Vibes + Glasslights + Friday Night Hero Prince Albert, 8pm, £contact venue.

Thursday 5 Brazilian Night featuring Tudo Bem Eat and drink and be entertained by this funky Brazilian outfit. The Tin Drum, Kemp Town, 7.30pm, free. Martin Carthy, Norma Waterson & Chris Parkinson This is as good as it gets in English folk music. The Royal Oak, Lewes, 8pm, £7. Max Gilkes Think a smoother James Morrison with touches of early Bowie and hint of Marvin Gaye. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4. Shred Yr Face 2 featuring F***ed Up Toronto’s finest bear pin-up returns with his band alongside headliners The Bronx & Rolo Tomassi. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12. Wavves + Pens + Support Prince Albert, 8pm, £contact venue.

Friday 6 Damien Flood Talented London-based soul songwriter, pianist and vocalist. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £8/6. My First Disco DJs and dancing for parents and toddlers. Latest Music Bar, 3pm–5pm, £2.50 adult & child. Rock Night Special Tribute to legendary rock band. The Neptune, 8:30pm, free. Simon Spillett Quartet At Brighton Jazz Club Komedia, 8pm, £12/10, NUS £8 Sneaky Sound System Australia’s band of the moment, plus support. Concorde 2, 7pm–10pm, £10 plus bf in adv. The Barrelhouse 40s Swing and Jive club night with live band. The Hanbury Club, 7pm, £4–9. Contact venue for details. The Bays With special guests TBC. Concorde 2, 11pm, £8 in adv/10 on door. The Wallflowers + Captains of the Citadel + Fireworks For Summer Prince Albert, - 8pm, £contact venue. To Arms Etc Fronted by the UK-based Australian multi-instrumentalist and sonic adventurer Charles Campbell-Jones The Hope.

X Factor Live Catch up with some of the more memorable performers on the recent TV show. Brighton Centre, 6:30pm, £28.50.

Saturday 7 All Turn Native: Tenek + Digitalis Alternative electronic music celebration The Albert, 7pm, £5 Los Albertos + Alice Gearing up for their third album release, plus ex-Blueprint Alice. The Brunswick, 8pm, £tbc Noah and the Whale The band head out on their Club Silencio tour. St George’s Church, 7.30pm, £14.50/12.50 Ponytail The band return after rave reviews for their September gigs. Audio, £tbc. Simon Trpceski with Yan Pascal Tortelier conducting Taking on Tchaikovsky’s ‘Piano Concerto 1’ and Berlioz’s ‘Symphonie fantastique.’ Brighton Dome, 7:30pm, £10–32.50. Southern Tenant Folk Union First ever headline gig in Brighton plus support. Hanover Community Centre, 7:30pm, £8/7. The Michael Nyman Band: Man With A Movie Camera Performing the soundtrack live to Dziga Verov’s classic 1929 silent film. De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £20/18 X Factor Live Second night of the live tour in Brighton. Brighton Centre, 6:30pm, £28.50.

Sunday 8 African Soul Rebels Tour: Baaba Maal + Oliver Mtukudzi + Extra Golden Their most pan-African melting pot of a tour yet! Brighton Dome, £tbc. Contact venue for details. Alternative Music Night With the great jazz voice of Sam Chara and friends The Neptune, 8:30pm, free. Eroica Quartet One of the Sunday Coffee Concerts. The Old Market, 11am, £10-20. Fall Out Boy ‘Beat It’ with the Chicago fourpiece. Brighton Centre, 6:30pm, £24.50. Roast n Jazz With Sara Oschlag; jazz, bossa nova, latin sounds. Latest Music Bar, 12:30pm–3:30pm, £10.

Monday 9 Breakthrough with Rough Trade With Everything Everything and Operahouse. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £3/2. Hanna and her band Album launch. With Lee Westwood. Classical jazz/folk. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5.

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Blow Monkeys Underrated and somewhat forgotten about 80s band who scored a number of hits, were musically adventurous and instilled a social-political intelligence within their generally slinky rhythms. Dr Robert and co represent the original band who came back last year with the excellent Devil’s Tavern album. Wednesday 4 March, The Hanbury Club

hear the lyrics clearly, a big bonus point especially if they are good. Which they are. Not so strong in the live arena, where their little nuances and shades often fall flat within unforgiving PA systems, and cack-handed engineers. Saturday 7 March, St George’s Church Noah & The Whale

The Bronx + F**cked Up + Rolo Tomassi Heavyweight trio of nu-rockers led by LA’s misleadingly named The Bronx, a hard rocking band who update this tired old medium with plenty of indie stylings and lyrics that steer away from the battered cod variety. This a Shred Yr Face 2 tour gig. Thursday 5 March, Concorde 2 Howling Bells Australian four-piece who specialise in dirty, trashy and elegantly sexy alt-rock. Big anthems, strong melodies and soaring guitars combine effortlessly. These could be massive. Friday 6 March, Digital Los Albertos + Alice Ska fusion outfit, happy to not fall into any strait-jacketed scene, they are gearing up for the release of their third album in May. Meanwhile Alice (ex-Blueprint) are a joyous indie-ska six-piece who are a riot live. Should be one hell of a musical party. Saturday 7 March, Brunswick Noah & The Whale Unexpected success story with these folk popsters capturing the zeitgeist perfectly thanks to a couple of catchy radiofriendly singles. They have strong melodies, a light humour and a sure touch that marks them out from the herd. Note to musicians: you can

African Soul Rebels Fifth tour representing some of the best ‘rebel’ music coming out of Africa. Tonight’s bill includes: Senegalese Baaba Maal, who will be performing an acoustic set; Zimbabwean Oliver ‘Tuku’ Mtukudzi; and Extra Golden, formed by members of Nairobi’s Orchestra Extra Solar Africa and Midwestern rock band Golden. This Afro-US collective has plugged into a unique new groove, creating an irresistible mix of guitar-driven Kenyan benga and 70s funkrock vibes. Apparently Barack Obama is a big fan. Sunday 8 March, Dome Hanna Beautiful songstress with the voice of an angel and a songwriting touch that puts most pretenders to shame. There’s a lightness of touch throughout with added embellishments from a string of quality musicians on her new album Here Now Now, launched tonight. Monday 9 March, Latest Music Bar

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30 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases ifficult to know where I stand with PJ Harvey. But I’m beginning to feel that I’ve underestimated her somewhat, feeling that her noir-indie blues was a case of style over substance. Not bad, but not that great. I still think that‘s the case musically with new album Black Hearted Love, a collaboration with long-time friend John Parish, but there’s no doubting her artful, experimental mind that never leaves a track sounding cluttered, unfinished nor forced. Becoming more influenced by folk with each passing work, this album represents the increasing lyrical sophistication of Harvey, an artist who has always been able to explore her feelings and emotions with clarity and depth. American band Red Light Company are a good reason to despair; to make you cry in your milk, wonder how it came to pass that a band who mistake euphoria for the dull fog of Valium-induced world weariness, who think that Coldplay and Snow Patrol are amazing, who think grandiose equals profound, whose new album Fine Fascination is about as interesting as the hairs on your hand, as energising as a sledgehammer to the head, who… Need I go on? Pass me the revolver. And now for something completely different. Brighton-based Mr Bongo continue to dig up and release treasure troves from Brazil and Latin America. Jorge Ben’s extensive back catalogue has been extensively covered by artists such as Sergio Mendes, Ella Fitzgerald and Dizzy Gillespie and the song ‘Taj Mahal‘ was apparently the source for Rod Stewart’s ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’. We won’t hold that against him, as Ben is the James Brown of Brazilian music, and its most sampled artist. Tudo Ben (Jorge Ben Covered) focuses on the more dance floor orientated covers by Brazilian artists such as Osmar Milito, Os Brazoes and Os Mutreteiros Grilados. Funky, groovy, fun and musical. Brighton-based guitarist Lee Westwood has teamed up with flautist Philippe Barnes, violinist Ben Sarfas, cellist Rachel Firmager and double bass player Jonathan Moss for Nymph Suite and Other Stories, a collection of largely instrumental tracks, minimalist in sound (often just featuring the juxtaposition of flute and guitar), and which floats along very nicely if leaving the listener a little bit unchallenged. Local label Freshly Squeezed has carved a niche in goofy, big beat meets loungedance exotica. or something like that. Pure escapist fun, great for soundtracks and the like (which Freshly Squeezed also specialises in), and often very bouncy. German production duo Tom Krimi and Kassi Wolf are Stereo deLuxe, and their slightly twisted Monosyllabic is full of this. File this under irreverent and infectious.

★

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To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

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Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Thunk – Micromophone ★ 2 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf 3 The Woo!worths – Konichiwa 4 Chaos Borne – Watching 5 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 6 The Mojo Fins – Always Now 7 Caramel Jack – Curtain 8 N-D-E – Incredible Machine 9 Mr resonate – Say What You Mean 10 Freudstein – Sister Sleaze Funky Thunk manage to cling onto the top spot for another week with ‘Micromophone‘, with breakbeat classical samplers Frunt, Bak & Nutz still snapping at their heels. Catchy and upbeat The Woo!worths have pipped the dark dance of Chaos Borne to number three, while also making the top five is long time Latest Chart favourite Caramel Jack. 11 tenek If I Should Fall - ep version 12 breakinbear Breeze 13 Chaos Borne The Moment 14 Swarf Parlour Tricks 15 jaybee sweet savage 16 Mr resonate All that im not 17 sMs I’m sorry Dave 18 Stupid Kid With You 19 R21 Proved You Wrong 20 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 21 Digitalis No Control 22 Glitters From Billy Holiday 23 VILLAREAL We Must Stop Meeting Like This 24 tenek State Of Mind 25 WITHOUT WARRANT STOP THE MACHINE

26 The Beautiful Word Golden Box 27 Jonny Loves House Care About Your Love 28 Sweet Violentine Eva B 29 The Mighty Rivals Arise 30 No Sharp Objects Home 31 Lisa Osbourne Grounded 32 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts 33 The Voodoo Trombone Quartet Do It Your Own Way 34 Project Lumino Movement 35 St.Michel Remedy 36 Left Hand Red Transition 37 Friday Night Hero Outside 38 ANEMO Pray (Ropey Remix) 39 dear jon. on your side 40 Millsy slug music My Giddy Aunt

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BARS & CLUBS 31

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 3 to Monday 9 March

Tuesday 3 Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Classic 90s anthems. 10:30pm, 90p New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! Uncompromising quality pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Tru Bandwagon. Student night with club anthems, old school R’n’B and classic house. 10pm–2:30am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions. Run by students and playing for the students. 11pm–4am, £2/free.

Wednesday 4 Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude of indie classic new and old, plus floorfillers a plenty. 10pm, £1/free. Audio Supercharged 11pm–2:30am, £5/4. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’nB, Hip Hop, Dance Hall & Funky House. 10pm-3am, free/£2. Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. Old school revival of 80s electro, breakdance, pop and rock. 11pm–3am, £tbc. Genetics Playing a mixture of intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 3am–6am, £2/free.

Thursday 5 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. Trashy pop anthems, indie classics and retro hits plus a hefty raffle prize. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Them. Weekly Dubstep and Grime. 10:30pm-3am, free. Digital Thursday Club Presents Shogun. 11pm–3:30am, £8. Funky Buddha Lounge Double R Records. The freshest hip hop, R&B and Bassline trax. 10pm–3am, £3/2. Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer plays house and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1. The Hope Brap FM. Everything from Downtempo to Techno! 8pm–2am, free. New Hero Pop Kraft. Primary pop overload with the fabulous Boogaloo Stu and The Size Zero Albino. 10pm–2am, £2. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Water Margin Love Lockdown. DJs; Show n Prove, Skills, Kush, and special guests. 7:30pm, £Ladies Free All Night!

Friday 6 2 One One Lollipop. R’n’B and hip hop. 11pm–3am, free before 11.30pm Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. Sixties night. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio 138. The godfather of bass, Pinch rattles some rib cages this week. Bringing a funky, soulful feel to his organic dubstep sound. 11pm4am, £8/6. Brighton Coalition 28th Street Presents Chicks with Dexs. Launch party with an all lady line-up laying down dirty house and electro beats. 10:30pm-3:30am, £8/5. Concorde 2 Playgroup. 11pm-4am, £8. Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative for eyeliner’d up boys and girls in PVC. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Fortune of War Standing On The Verge of Getting It On. SuperBad 70s soul and funk grooves. 9pm-2am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge Release. Funky house, soulful house and R’n’B. 11pm–6am, free b4 12/£5 after. Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old

skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Hanbury Club The Barrelhouse. 40s Swing and Jive club night with guest DJ and live band. 7pm-2am, £9-4. Honey Club Hardsouth – Neon Cyber & Fluorescent Party. Diamond blasting hard dance night. 10:30pm–5am, £10/5. Latest Music Bar Soul Deep. Soul, motown, rhythm and blues and northern soul. 11:30pm–2:30am, free. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms Strictly Drumz Free Party. D’n’B, dubstep, hip hop, electro and party tunes. 11pm–4am, free. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’roll indie anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Skint. Playing mainstream funky house, R’n’B and Cheesey disco hits. 10pm–2am, free b4 11/3 after. Volks Erisian. Mutant Jungle, D’n’B, breakcore and techno with dutch D’n’B master DJ Hidden and guests. 11pm–6am, £8/6.

Saturday 7

Supercharged British concoction, mixing everything from dancehall to reggae and breakbeat to D’n’B with Freestylers. Playing everywhere from Ibiza to Ipswich to an eclectic audience from hip hop heads to ravers, Freestylers bring their unique blend of party sounds to this intimate dance floor. It’s going to be a mid-week mind blower. Wednesday 4 March, Audio Thursday Club Presents Shogun Boasting three UK dance chart number ones, D’n’B giants, Chase & Status blast the weekend into gear. The end of 2008 saw the release of their dynamic album, More than Alot, which reintroduced intelligent, liquid forms of the genre, a smash hip-hop hit and even some dubstep treats. Expect a set that reflects a wide spectrum of D’n’B. Featuring Kano, vocal provider for track, ‘Against All Odds’ all blasted at floor-shaking volume through Digital’s goliath sound system. Thursday 5 March, Digital Playgroup Foot-stomping, love-generating festival-in-a-club. Featuring music for the moment

from never recorded, The Bays. Incredible live beats spanning deep house and techno, hip hop, electro and D’n’B. Plus acoustic soul and upbeat grooves from Two Spot Gobi and lots of dirty nasty music from Ed Cox. Not forgetting the ever popular live acoustic stage outdoors and music for the soul in the backroom. Take a break from the musical mayhem to grab some vintage wares from the midnight market, splosh on free face paint or indulge in the hugs and bubbles team. Completely unmissable. Friday 6 March, Concorde 2 Silent Disco Ever strolled into a packed club to be greeted by complete silence? Just as half the room belt out a tuneful chanting of Bille Jean and the other launch into a techno rave dance? This is Silent Disco. A five-hour hysterical silent journey through mixes of dance, hard house, punk, disco, salsa and electro with the pioneering Dutch DJs, NO dj and djOD. Using wireless headphone technology, each individual can flick between two channels of trax. A music buffet with a comedy punch. Saturday 7 March, Concorde 2 Supercharged

Arc Hold Up. Unpretentious indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. The don of free parties brings some winter love with guest Deepgroove. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Junkbox. Electro tech club night, headed by the seriously professional party folk, De Puta Madre. 11pm–4am, £12/10. Followed by: Blow The Afterparty. High grade tech-house, techno and electro. 3am–9am, £7-4. Concorde 2 Silent Disco. 11pm-4am, £8. Digital Pussycat Club – UV Colour Clash Party. Funky electro, dirty house plus live UV Electronic Drum PA from Steve Hussey. 11pm–4am, £12/10. Engine Rooms Born Bad. Alternative madness for glamorous girls and boys.11pm–3am, £5/4. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funkyfish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro and house plus guests TBA. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house from all over the world. 8pm–4am, free b4 11/6 after. New Hero It Is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night full of outrageous tunes! 10pm, £3 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam, Alternative Dance and beer to dribble down you til you drop! 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, funky house and commercial. 10pm–3am, £10/5. Tru Glitterbaby. Thickly spreading your favourite chart tunes across 3 rooms. 9pm–3am, £10/8. Volks Psychedelicious. Psytrance to breaks, funk and chill. 11pm–5am, £7/5. Water Margin Logo. Future heroes to world famous DJs spin house tunes. 3am–8am, £7/5.

Sunday 8 Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, hip hop and UK Garage. Sundays are the new Fridays! 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta Sundays into the past, Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency. All things diverse from Radiohead, Madlib, National Forest and Playgroup. 8pm, free.

Monday 9 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. Filthy student fun. 10:30pm–3am, £3/free. Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. Best in old skool garage, R’n’B, hip hop, bashment and swing. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. Disco and indie with drinks £1.50 all night. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. Cocktail of funk, reggae, indie and pop. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1. Jaime Pettit

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32 FIDDLER’S ELBOW

Having a fiddle Catching up with Colin Campbell of the Fiddler’s Elbow on Boyce’s Street So, what’s the craic? The Fiddlers’ Elbow is the only Irish pub in central Brighton, and our St Patrick’s Day street party has been going more than a decade. We close the whole of Boyce’s Street and put on traditional Irish live music and dancing and Irish food like homemade soup and stew. We always get a couple of thousand people coming down throughout the day. Is it true that you sell more Guinness on that day than any other pub in the UK? Well, we once sold so much Guinness that they gave us a massive bottle of Jamesons – that happened two years in a row. I do know that we go through about 600 gallons of the stuff during the month, which I’m pretty sure is more than anywhere else in Brighton. We also have a lot of single malt whiskeys and some Guinness giveaways, plus drinks promos running the whole week. How long have you been involved? This is the second year where I’m in charge of the street party, although I’ve been working here on and off for six years, and have always been involved in some capacity. What if you don’t like Irish music? The music will be split between traditional upbeat folk music from bands like Dr Brighton’s Remedy and more contemporary acts like Drookit Dogs and One Weird Fish. Then there are people like Two Legs Good, who are somewhere in between. Inside the pub itself, we’ll also be screening the Six Nations final, which happens to fall on the same day. What happens if it rains? Last year was the wettest St Patrick’s Day I can remember, so this year we will make sure that more or less the whole street is under cover. We are putting up an L-shaped marquee that will stretch from the stage right the way to the pub itself. The street party is actually taking place on the Saturday before St Paddy’s Day. What’s happening on the day itself? We have events planned from the Saturday right through to St Patrick’s Day, with an open mic night on the Sunday, and live music on the Monday. On Tuesday, which is St Patrick’s Day, we actually can’t fit a band in the pub because it’s so rammed. But we will be showing lots of Gaelic games – and of course, there’ll be plenty of Irish music on the stereo. Doors open midday, with live music from 1pm. Street party ends 11pm, pub open till late.

Line-up Saturday 14 March 13:00–14:15 14:15–15:00 15:15–15:45 16:00–16:45 17:00–17:45 18:00–18:45 19:00–19:45 20:00–20:45 21:00–21:45 22:00–23:00 23:00

CD Music via PA System Irish Dancing – Carey School of Dance Martin Newnham & Andy Parkin 4 Legs Good (Trad & Ceilidh) Dr. Brighton’s Remedy (Trad) Drookit Dogs Martin Newnham & Andy Parkin 4 Legs Good (Trad & Ceilidh) One Weird Fish (Rock ‘n’ Pop) Drookit Dogs Curfew

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LATEST GAY 33

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Tuesday 3 to Monday 9 March

Beacon of hope More than 4,600 runners took part in the Sussex Beacon half-marathon on Sunday, 22 February. So far £160,000 has been raised for the HIV and Aids charity in Bevendean Road, Brighton. James Baker won in an hour and ten minutes, closely followed by Christopher Thompson, then last year’s under-21 winner Andrew Donno. The women’s winner was Loretta Sollars, in only her second half-marathon, with a time of one hour 21 minutes. Close on her heels was Katy Moore, who led for the first ten miles. Lucy Cartwright was third. Kat Williams, general manager at the Beacon, said: “What a fantastic day, there was a wonderful community spirit and feedback from the runners has been glowing. For the Sussex Beacon, the real cause for celebration is raising over £160,000 so far. It wouldn’t have been possible without the support of our volunteers, the halfmarathon team, the local community and, of course, the runners.”

Charity supper A gourmet supper club will raise money for Pride. Henry Butler from The Butlers Wine Cellar will host will host a Winter Pride supper club at The New Steine Bistro on Thursday, 12 March from 7.30pm. Tickets are £25, with £10 going to the Brighton and Hove LGBT Switchboard and £5 to Pride in Brighton and Hove. The price includes food, wine, VAT and service.

Gay listings

French chef Jean Marc will cook traditional French recipes such as homemade foie gras, smoked duck, guinea fowl and creme brulée. Places must be paid for in advance. Call 01273 695415.

Tuesday 3

Saturday 7

Amsterdam Skint or Mint. Gay Bingo. 8pm. Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free. Ghetto Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 9:30pm, free. Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Free poker night. Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke. A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free. R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am. Revenge Payday. The official LGBT student bash! Dance anthems, funky house and filthy pop. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mills’s Music Night. Quiz from 9pm. Bar: 12pm, free. The Basement Scene Queen. New night for scene staff and students. 11pm–4am, free.

Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free. Charles Street Club Pussy Party. Indie, funky house, rock, electro, pop and R’n’B. 10:30pm–3am, £tba. Ghetto La Freak Boutique Meets WigOut. Musical soundtracks and crazy pop tunes. 10:30pm–3am, free/£4. Jurys Inn BiFest. Bi-workshops, policy and activist workshops, social and crafts space, stalls. DJs, films, fun and games. 11am, £8/5. Legends Pre-Ignition. Dance sounds from 7pm. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Marly DJs. Guest DJs and live music. 9pm–2am, free. Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin. Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free. R-Bar Kinky Baby. KD warm-up with Dulcie Danger from 9pm. Bar open 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors, and 5.5 hours of fun. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3. The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remix sounds. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness. The best in Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then PV’s house DJs take over! Bar open 12pm, free.

Wednesday 4 Charles Street Bar Lola Lasagne. A new spin on game shows retro and new. 10pm, free. Ghetto Transition. Rock, metal and 80s-tastic cheese! 10pm–2am, £2.50. Latest Music Bar Winter Pride benefit. Hosted by Trudi Styles, with Dear Jon, Brigette Aphrodite Voutsa, Your Garden Day. 8pm, £5. Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9/30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10. Legends Super Karaoke. New karaoke & quiz night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-House Darts League. 8pm, £3 to enter. Queen’s Arms The Q-Factor Heat 5 – Big Prize Money! Annual singing contest, sign up before 8:45pm. Bar open 12pm–1am, free. R-Bar Rush99. A 99p rush bar!12pm–2am, free. Revenge Rush150. Commercial dance and house. 10:30pm–3am, free before 12am/£2 after/free NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm. The Basement Play. With DJ Alex Baker spinning all things house. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 5 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark pants. 8pm–11pm, £1. Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto HDSM. A night for the sexually hedonistic! Dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3. Legends Cabaret Lounge. 9:30pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open mic. 8pm. Queen's Arms Spice’s Nooks & Crannies! A Cabaret show with a difference. 9:30pm, free. R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin!. Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls on Top. Trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after. The Basement Box. Chart hit remixes, funky house and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Friday 6

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 183 ACROSS: 1 Habitant 5 Spot 9 Water 10 Probing 11 Reinvestment 13 Rustic 14 Raffle 17 Installation 20 Egg-flip 21 Bleak 22 Sire 23 Reversed DOWN: 1 Howl 2 Butlers 3 Tyrannically 4 Nephew 6 Prime 7 Together 8 Contractible 12 Trailers 15 Flowers 16 Elapse 18 Sugar 19 Skid Solution to Quick 183 ACROSS: 1 Macaroni 5 Efts 9 Flung 10 Preened 11 Scandinavian 13 Oilery 14 Abuses 17 Practicality 20 Contour 21 Trade 22 Soya 23 Terriers DOWN: 1 Miff 2 Council 3 Regeneration 4 Napkin 6 Fungi 7 Sudanese 8 Perambulator 12 Compacts 15 Situate 16 Scarce 18 Annoy 19 Less © Crossword Shop

Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am. Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz. Playin’ indie recent and retro! 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girls’ Night. 2 floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 9pm–2am. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Commercial and camp tunes. Unlimited drinks wristbands: £20! 9pm, free. R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. Trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top. 12pm–2am. Revenge Lollipop & Housexual. Pop tunes and funky vocal house upstairs. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5. The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop & handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free

Sunday 8 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch (12–5:30pm) and relaxing vibes with a twist from 8pm, free. Charles Street Bar Showtime. Elite cabaret superstar TBA. 7.15pm, free. Digital Official Student Pride Club Night. Dancefloor classics with Radio One's Scott Mills. 10pm–4am, ticket bundles avail online. Ghetto Eurotrash. Crazy art-pop cabaret. 9pm, free. Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. 3:15pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Male to Female Social. By The Clare Project. 4pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre The Winter Pride Nude Swim. Brave the chilly waves and return to the Marlborough for a roast. 10am, £2 . Oceana Student Pride. Marketplace, live music, food and drink. Plus the Question Time Debate. 1pm–6pm, ticket bundles available. Queen's Arms Winter Pride Skint Beach Party. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10.99 with a donation to Pride, plus DJ action. 8pm–11pm. Revenge Student Pride. Base camp for the Multi-Uni pub crawl, free pizza and live local acts. 6pm–10pm, ticket bundles avail online. The Basement Embrace. Dripping in charity tracks provided by DJ Nick Shepherdson from G-A-Y. 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 9 Amsterdam The Winter Pride Big Quiz. 7pm–11pm, donations to Pride. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks with mammoth drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50. Ghetto Frat Party. A chaotic mash-up of indie, electro and credible. 10pm, free. Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am. Marlborough The Clare Project Trans & Film Night. Mama Mia. 8:30pm, £2. R-Bar Miss Jason's Mad House. Cabaret night plus a Wii zone and free pool! 10pm, free. The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers with Steve Lush. 11pm–4am, free.

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34 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

3 – 9 MARCH

She says it how she sees it

Being Human ITV1, Sunday id anyone else catch this series? None of my friends seems to have seen it, which is a shame as it was something totally different. You may still be able to watch some on BBC iPlayer, and I would recommend it. The series followed three twenty-somethings living together in Bristol – that part is something we would all have seen before; the twist is that these three twenty-somethings are a vampire, a werewolf and ghost. Mitchell the vampire and George the werewolf both work at the local hospital as porters; Annie, the ghost, stays at home pining over the fiancé she was due to marry just before her death. It seems like an unlikely series, but however far-fetched it is, it’s still, bizarrely, easy to relate to. Most of us, at one time or another, have struggled to fit in, and this is exactly what these characters are trying to do. It is written with a sense of humour and that shows in each episode; every situation, no matter how grim, has a funny side. There is not one massively ground-breaking thing about the show that makes it something that shouldn’t be missed and, bizzarely, for the first few episodes I couldn’t even remember when it was on. But there is something, in this day and age, about watching something that adds a little mystery and magic to the everyday mundane tasks that is enjoyable. Mitchell the vampire is well-cast, if you had to pick someone to play a vampire it would be Aiden Turner – he has the look. The casting of the werewolf is excellent as Russell Tovey is the most unlikely werewolf, which is the point, and Lenora Crichlow plays the ghost – there is nothing ghost-like about her at all, but there is nothing ghost-like about any of us. The BBC has just announced it has commissioned the show for a second series. This first series sprang from a one-off aired about a year ago, and if they make another series is hard to say where they would go with it. But I hope it remains as good as the first. The story so far has covered everything you can imagine. Mitchell and George moved into the house where Annie the ghost lived when she was alive. Together they have tackled the reason Annie is trapped as a ghost, Mitchell has had to battle the vampire troop that wants to take over the world while trying to go cold turkey (not killing humans to drink their blood), and George has had to come to terms with the fact that on every full moon he will turn into a wolf. It’s a little different – catch it if you can!

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 3

Monkey Business ★★★✩✩ (1952, Film4, 5.15pm. Dir Howard Hawks) Ever fancied the fountain of youth in a little pill? That’s what scientist Cary Grant is working on, so when he takes a prototype himself, his fuddy-duddy persona goes out the window and mayhem is let loose. Shortly joined by his missus, Ginger Rogers, this is a fun farce with extra support from Marilyn Monroe and Charles Coburn.

WEDNESDAY 4

Thelma and Louise ★★★★★ (1991, Five, 10pm. Dir Ridley Scott) One girls’ weekend away from Geena Davis’s abusive boyfriend and Susan Sarandon’s boring job takes a wrong turn when the ladies end up on the run from the cops, with their escapades escalating. With a turn from Brad Pitt that brought him to the attention of casting directors sharpish, plus performances from both leads that earned them Oscar nominations.

THURSDAY 5

Rear Window ★★★★★ (1954, Sky Movies Classics, 5.25pm. Dir Alfred Hitchcock) Jimmy Stewart finds himself housebound while recovering from a broken leg, and so spends his time spying on the neighbours – a harmless compulsion until he witnesses a murder. Without a body he can’t convince the police, but he and lady friend Grace Kelly will not let it lie.

FRIDAY 6

The Apartment ★★★★✩ (1960, Sky Movies Classics, 4.50pm. Dir Billy Wilder) Jack Lemmon bends to the request of one of his bosses when they ask to borrow his apartment, but before too long most of the board are using it for illicit trysts on a rota. As the farce escalates, Lemmon just wants time to see his girl, Shirley MacLaine. But how to say ‘no’? Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights ★★✩✩✩ (2004, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Guy Ferland) Star-cross’d lovers in Cuba in 1958. Katey has been uprooted as her

Rear Window, Sky Movies Classics, Thursday 5th

father moves the family to Cuba for his work, but as she makes friends with a local waiter and their dancing for a competition become stronger, revolution is rising in Cuba. Watch out for the cameo from proper dirty dancer Patrick Swayze.

SATURDAY 7 A Prairie Home Companion ★★★✩✩ (2006, BBC2, 11.15pm. Dir Robert Altman) Starring Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin and Tommy Lee Jones. Star-studded whimsical musical comedy. The staff and stars of a long-running radio show, including singing sisters the Johnson Girls and cheeky guitarplaying cowboys Dusty and Lefty, face the final curtain with mixed reactions, watched over by a guy named Guy and a mysterious woman in white. The final film of director Robert Altman.

SUNDAY 8

Mansfield Park ★★★★✩ (1999, ITV3, 8pm. Dir Patricia Rozema) A witty look at romance and reality – Jane Austen-style. 10-year-old Fanny Price is shipped from her rat-infested home in Portsmouth to live with her wealthy relatives in Mansfield Park. Growing up, the richer relations give constant reminders that they have every advantage over her. When grown-up, Fanny’s beauty and intellect give her the upper hand and her relatives reasses her.

MONDAY 9 Jackie Chan’s Police Story ★★★✩✩ (2002, Channel 5, 11.05pm. Dir Jackie Chan) Kung-fu action adventure about a Hong Kong cop forced to resign, only to become embroiled in a case involving a gang of extortionists. Shopping with his girlfriend after his resignation, he finds himself helping to evacuate the mall which is a target of a bombing campaign. Proving his worth, he is asked to investigate the gang behind the bombings.

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tuesday 3 Heston’s Victorian Feast Channel 4, 9pm Heston Blumenthal combines myth and science in a smash of Top Gear meets Delia. Kicking off with his own Alice-inspired Mad Hatter’s tea party, dishes for the celebrity diners include mock turtle broth tea, an entirely edible garden and an absinthe flavoured jelly cone. Things are gonna go bang in the kitchen.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm CSI goes all Las Vegas Confidential as the killing of a teen singing sensation leads our worthy scientists to re-examine a 1950s murder case surrounded in scandal and intrigue. With a history as murky as Vegas they’d be fools not to mine it, and this’ll be a good ole yarn.

Battlestar Gallactica Sky One, 9pm The remake of this classic 1970s sci-fi series is veering towards its much anticipated conclusion, with cylons and humans muddying the water evermore betwixt the two. At least most of the characters know which they are, unlike Starbuck, who’s still trying to piece together how she found her own corpse on Earth.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Hotel Trubble 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Numberjacks 9.30 Something Special - Out And About 9.50 Bob The Builder 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Thinking Skills 11.30 Hands Up! 11.45 Just So Darwin 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quizl. 6.30 Eggheads Another quiz. 7.00 Who Do You Think You Are? Kevin Whately, famous for playing working-class characters, has, in fact, a surprisingly affluent family history. Why-ay, man! 8.00 Coast From the most northerly tip of the British Isles, Muckle Flugga on Shetland, to the Old Man of Hoy on Orkney. 9.00 Horizon: What’s The Problem With Nudity? Why are people embarrassed about their bodies? Horizon takes a group of volunteers and subjects them to a series of psychological and physical tests to challenge attitudes to the naked human form. Humans are the only creatures that can be ‘naked’ – but why, how and when did humans lose their fur? Not on the last bus home on a Friday night. 10.00 The Culture Show Uncut The Show looks at the future for the arts across the Northeast. Sunderland export Lauren celebrates 30 years of Viz over a pint with its Geordie creators Chris and Simon Donald. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Alfred Brendel: A Culture Show Special In December 2008, Alfred Brendel, one of the greatest classical pianists of our time, stopped performing for good. Why? 11.50 The Rise Of The Superchef 12.50am News 4.00 Class Clips (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.15 ITV News And Weather 11.20 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish – Celebrity Special

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.35 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Sweet Sixteen 10.30 Advertising Uncut 11.00 Teen Taboos 11.30 Year Dot Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 In Your Dreams 12.40 Back To You 1.10 FILM: Imitation Of Life (1959) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 9.30 Big League Weekend 11.00 H2O Sports International 12.30pm International Cricket 2.30 Big League Weekend 4.00 International Cricket 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.30 Football First: Match Choice 12.00am Football First: Match Choice 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Sports Unlimited 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 Max Power

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jasmine flees as Debbie faces court. ‘Stand by your woman’ hasn’t got such a good ring. 8.00 New Homes From Hell 2009 Programme following the stories of people whose luxury properties have ruined their lives. We see one new high-tech house which was scuppered by rotten building work and a hidden mine shaft, as well as the London riverside penthouse that is costing millions in repairs. 9.00 Total Emergency Series following all three emergency services in Sheffield. All three services rush to a countryside car crash where a youth has been thrown out of a moving vehicle. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Confessions What being a flight attendant is really like, and reveals what goes on in the cockpit and behind the galley curtain. Expect a few surprises. 11.05 Teen Boob Jobs: Too Much Too Young Meeting four teenage girls all desperate for breast enhancement procedures. Makes you depressed about teenage ambition. 11.35 Guinness Premiership Rugby Highlights. 12.25am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sasha is upset that Calvin has bought her nothing for her 18th birthday. Warren offers her the use of the Loft as a party venue, as well as a birthday peck on the cheek. Trouble ahoy! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny An ex-jockey obsessed with keeping his weight down swaps diets with a man whose binge-drinking is getting out of control. If they’re both unhealthy, how does swapping actually help? 9.00 Heston’s Victorian Feast See highlights. 10.00 Shameless Gritty comedy. Paddy wakes up disorientated, chained to a bed in a strange room, unable to remember where he is or how he got there. Ho hum. 11.10 The Big Bang Theory Flatshare comedy series about two brainy but socially clueless physicists. When Sheldon bans Penny from the apartment, she decides to retaliate. 11.40 My Name Is Earl Earl and Randy watch the filming of COPS in Camden County. 12.05am Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.00 4Sport: Destination 2012 1.50 Badminton National Championships 2.45 Ironman 3.10 Clipper 07-08 The Challenge Of A Lifetime 4.00 The Blue Dragon (x5) 5.15 Making It (x9)

6.00 Home And Away Leah misbehaves at her birthday party. 6.30 Wild Animal ER A mole is released into the wild. Gardeners around the land heave a sigh. 6.55 Best In Show A behind-thescenes look at the quirky world of competitive animal shows. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services. 8.00 The Man Who Lives With Bears Documentary following the exploits of Charlie Vandergaw, a retired schoolteacher who lives among bears in the Alaskan wilderness for six months of every year. On picnic baskets, obviously. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. See highlights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. When a retired professional football player is found stabbed to death, Alexx is unable to take the body for an autopsy because the victim wanted to be cryogenically frozen. Faddy celebs. 11.00 CSI: NY Crime drama series. Mac and Danny investigate the death of a construction worker who died 700 feet below Manhattan. 12.00am NCIS 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.40 Now Is The Time: Night Of Combat – Kick Boxing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker 12.00pm Volleyball 1.00 Volleyball 2.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 3.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Powder Adventures 6.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 NFL: Total Access 12.30am Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 3.30 Close

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Peggy’s political dreams lie in tatters after a vengeful Janine ruins her latest photo opportunity. Ya, boo, sucks. 8.00 Holby City A nurse Michael previously had an affair with arrives on Holbycare, and Elliot’s prodigal daughter Martha returns from Las Vegas with some surprising news. Any actual doctoring going on here? 9.00 Mistresses Drama series about the lives of four female friends. Siobhan is driven straight back into Tom’s bed when Hari refuses to forgive her over her affair with Dominic. Doesn’t sound like celibacy is a land she’s familiar with. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The People’s Hospital Hospital documentary series. 11.05 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross The latest film reviews, news and interviews, including reviews of Watchmen, the long-awaited multimillion dollar film adaptation of the best-selling graphic novel. 11.35 Damages Legal drama. 12.15am FILM: The One And Only (2002) 1.45 Weatherview 1.50 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.20 James Caan’s Jobs 2.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 3.50 Lark Rise To Candleford 4.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Fishing: Bass Fishing 10.00 Max Power 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 Max Power 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Volleyball 4.00 Volleyball 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Airsports World 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 11.00 International Cricket 1.00am Sports Unlimited 2.00 Volleyball 3.00 Volleyball 4.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

4.00pm Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Battlestar Galactica. See highlights. 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 FILM: The Truman Show (1998) 12.55am Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Freaky Eaters 9.00 Dangerous Love: A Comic Relief Special 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grownups 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Dangerous Love: A Comic Relief Special 12.45am Freaky Eaters 1.40 Grownups 2.10 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News 7.30 Coal House At War 8.00 Gladstone And Disraeli: Clash Of The Titans 9.30 Early Doors 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Party Animals 11.35 We Need Answers 12.05am Paul Merton Looks At Alfred Hitchcock 1.05 Bartok And Van Gogh: Partners In Art 2.35 Gladstone And Disraeli

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 9.00 Coleen’s Real Women 10.00 FILM: Kevin And Perry Go Large (2000) 11.50 FM 12.20am Coleen’s Real Women 1.20 Teleshopping

12.35pm Heartbeat 1.35 Ballykissangel 2.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.50 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.50 Surgical Spirit 5.20 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.30 The Brief 12.05am Wycliffe 1.05 Inspector Morse

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.30 Scrubs 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Skins 1.10 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Dark Angel

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: A Jihad For Love 11.45 Come Dine With Me 12.50am True Stories: A Jihad For Love

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 The Fast Show 11.00 The New Statesman 11.35 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 12.15am The Vicar Of Dibley

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am South Park

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers 9.00 Storm Chasers 10.00 Extreme Loggers 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Flash Gordon 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 9.40 FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006) 11.30 FILM: Bloodsuckers (2005) 1.30am Ghost Stories

12.05pm A Medal For Benny (1945) 1.30 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 3.10 The Lady Eve (1941) 4.50 35mm 5.20 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 7.10 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 9.00 The Innocents (1961) 10.45 Psycho (1960) 12.35am A Medal For Benny (1945)

9.00am Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 11.00 Water (2005) 1.00pm Mumford (1999) 3.00 Breaking And Entering (2006) 5.10 Hollywoodland (2006) 7.20 Southland Tales (2006) 10.00 Do The Right Thing (1989) 12.00am Mumford (1999) 1.55 Repo Man (1984)

1.00pm The Bitter Tea Of General Yen (1933) 2.45 An American Guerrilla In The Philippines (1950) 5.15 Monkey Business (1952) 6.45 The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) 9.00 Independence Day (1996) 11.45 Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls (1970) 1.55am Bodysong (2000) 3.40 Close

7.35am Tall Man Riding (1955) 9.00 The Old Man And The Sea (1958) 10.40 The Hill (1965) 1.00pm The Boy Who Could Fly (1986) 3.00 The Silver Chalice (1955) 5.20 Go West (1940) 6.45 The Frisco Kid (1979) 9.00 Bloodbrothers (1978) 11.15 The Sins Of Rachel Cade (1961) 1.35am Bloodbrothers (1978)

Classics

Indie

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wednesday 4 Hero Animals Five, 7.30pm A must for animal-lovers all over the county as our four-legged, feathered or scaled friends come to the rescue of the clumsy humans in this new series. First off is a very special husky who kept a grizzly bear at bay for seven hours, while injured dogsled racer Paul clung to a tree. Lassie, eat your heart out.

Building the Olympic Dream – 2009 – 3 Years To Go BBC2, 9pm This three-part observational series charts the journey to the London 2012 Olympics. Not surprisingly, it starts with the Ceremonies Team, preparing to mount the eight-minute show that marked the official handover from Beijing to London. Embarrassment or innovation?

Project Runway Sky 1, 8pm Heidi Klum guides the wannabe designers in this annual fashion competition. It’s Stateside – you can tell because it says ‘runway’ instead of ‘catwalk’ and there’s no glimpse of Kelly Osbourne, plus they’ve got a bona fide designer in Diane Von Furstenberg to set this week’s challenge.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Gastronuts 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Numberjacks 9.30 Something Special - Out And About 9.50 Bob The Builder 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Coast 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It!

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.35 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Sweet Sixteen 10.30 Advertising Uncut 11.00 Teen Taboos 11.30 Year Dot Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 My Eden 12.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.40 FILM: The Well (1951) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Local magazine programme. Are pawn shops cashing in on the financial downturn? Inside Out investigates. 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series. The school mourns Maxine’s death and Rachel hands in her resignation. But will the revelation of a dark secret, and the battle to save an innocent boy, make her change her mind? Depends how far into the series we are. 9.00 Nature’s Great Events Nature doc looking at a phenomenon each winter, when a mighty army of dolphins, sharks, whales, seals and gannets hunt down the billions of sardines along the South African coast. This is known as the sardine run, an underwater Armageddon and the greatest gathering of predators anywhere on the planet. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Time for a spot of fanstasy shopping. 10.45 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the evening’s Premier League matches. 12.05am FILM: Lost (2004) 1.25 Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Manila To Mindanao 2.30 Sex And Religion In Manila 3.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain 3.30 BBC News

6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell. 6.30 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 7.00 Escape To The Country Alistair Appleton is in Bedfordshire helping a couple who dream of a country home in horse-riding territory with outstanding rural views. But will their budget of £350,000 stretch as far as their aspirations? 8.00 Orangutan Diary Steve Leonard and Michaela Strachan introduce more stories from the world’s biggest ape rescue centre. 9.00 Building The Olympic Dream 2009– 3 Years To Go See highlights. 10.00 QI Panel-based quiz where the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry finds the fun in flora and fauna with John Sergeant, Jimmy Carr, Jo Brand and Alan Davies. Hayfever ahoy! 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Mad Men Drama series which takes an unflinching look at the world of advertising in 1960s New York. Sterling Cooper staffers are called in over the weekend to prepare for their American Airlines pitch. Roger Sterling is taken by the ‘wife’ of a client and wants to see more of her. 12.10am BBC News 4.00 I-Science 5.00 ID&T – Science 5.30 ID&T – Maths

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola suspects Jimmy might not be as broke as he appears. An account in the Cayman Islands would do nicely, thank you. 7.30 Coronation Street The fallout from the court case explodes upon the Street. Leanne is torn about accepting a tempting job offer. There’s loyalty and then mug-dom. 8.00 The Bill Responding to a report of a shooting at Julie’s house, DS Carter discovers that her uncle Cezar has been killed. 9.00 Taggart When an adulterous college principal is crushed to death in a lift, the preliminary investigation into his death discovers that the lift mechanism was deliberately sabotaged. Meanwhile Fraser tracks down his biological mother, but she does not respond the way he hoped. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Law & Order: UK Crime drama based on the acclaimed US show. DS Ronnie Brooks and DS Matt Devlin investigate the murder of a teenager who was brutally beaten to death. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.25 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 What A Waste: Tonight 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Budding detectives Tom and Holly may have found their first case when Holly notices Mercedes selling stock and pocketing the money. And she would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for those pesky kids. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Property expert Phil Spencer revisits Dan and Tracy Lunnon-Wood. Two years after their search in the North of Scotland, have they found a home? 9.00 Grand Designs Property series following householders as they build their own homes. Kevin McCloud travels to Wiltshire to see if Andrew and Meryl Ainslie’s dream of constructing a 21st century farmhouse can become a reality. Glass walls in the dairy? 10.00 Desperate Housewives US drama series set in suburbia. Bree clashes with Alex’s mother, and Gaby urges Carlos to take a new job. 11.05 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate. Repeat of Tuesday’s episode. 12.10am 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... Diana Krall And Elton John 1.10 FILM: Safety Of Objects (1998) 3.15 Christianity: A History 4.15 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Build A New Life In The Country - Was It Worth It? 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: The Morrison Murders (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Has Roman lost Martha’s friendship for good? 6.30 Wild Animal ER Volunteers Chris and Linda get the runaround from a mother duck and her ducklings. None are ugly. 6.55 Best In Show A behind-thescenes look at the quirky world of competitive animal shows. Engaged couple Nikki and Paul join forces to take their chickens to the National Poultry Championship. True. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Hero Animals See highlights. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Hugh takes a novice trucker under his wing, another rookie sets out with a difficult load and Rick is part of a convoy in trouble. 9.00 Minder Comedy drama. Archie risks the wrath of an old business associate when he loses the man’s car in a poker game. He enlists the help of poker expert Jamie to win the car back, but the pair find the stakes are uncomfortably high. Silly Billies. 10.00 FILM: Thelma And Louise (1991) Starring Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis. Oscar-winning road movie in which two Arkansas women become fugitives from the law when they take a weekend break. 12.35am PartyPoker.com Poker Den: Big Game III 2.05 Seniors Golf 2.55 NHL All Star Skills 3.25 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf: Aberdeen Brunei Senior Masters 12.00pm Football Asia 12.30 Revista De La Liga 1.30 Football First: Match Choice 3.00 Football First: Match Choice 4.30 Football First: Match Choice 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 European Tour Weekly 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.30 Football First: Match Choice 12.00am Football First: Match Choice 1.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Total Rugby 4.30 Boots ‘n’ All 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Airsports World 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 12.00pm Weston Beach Race 1.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 2.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 3.00 Airsports World 3.30 Football Asia 4.00 Revista De La Liga 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Total Rugby 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.30 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 12.30am NFL: Total Access 1.30 Boots ‘n’ All 2.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 3.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Airsports World 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Watersports World 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Tenpin Bowling 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway. See highlights. 9.00 FILM: The Truman Show (1998) 10.55 UK Border Force 11.55 Road Wars (x2) 1.55am Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 Wallace And Gromit’s Cracking Contraptions 8.15 Wallace And Gromit: A Grand Day Out 8.40 FILM: Wallace & Gromit In The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit (2005) 10.00 Little Britain USA 10.25 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 LifeSpam: My Child Is French

7.00pm News 7.30 Britain’s Best Drives 8.00 Secret Life Of The Motorway 9.00 Ford’s Dagenham Dream 10.00 FILM: The Yacoubian Building (2006) 12.45am From A To B: Tales Of Modern Motoring 1.35 Britain’s Best Drives 2.05 Secret Life Of The Motorway 3.05 Ford’s Dagenham Dream

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 New Homes From Hell 2009 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FM 11.00 Coronation Street 11.30 FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004) 1.45am Teleshopping

12.25pm Heartbeat 1.30 Ballykissangel 2.35 Poirot 3.40 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.40 Surgical Spirit 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 Kingdom 11.05 Rose And Maloney 12.10am Numb3rs

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) 11.00 90210 11.55 Scrubs (x2) 12.55am My Name Is Earl 1.25 90210

5.05pm Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.05 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.40 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.40am Father Ted

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Rehab 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Rehab

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x4) 1.15am Frasier (x2) 2.15 World Stands Up

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers 9.00 Solved 10.00 Murder Shift 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill 3.00 Solved

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 10.00 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 12.00am FILM: Out For A Kill (2003)

11.15am The Wild One (1953) 12.40pm Topaz (1969) 3.05 White Savage (1943) 4.25 King Kong Vs Godzilla (1962) 6.00 King Kong Escapes (1968) 7.40 The Wild One (1953) 9.00 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 10.40 Arabesque (1966) 12.30am Topaz (1969) 3.00 35mm

9.00am La Vie En Rose (2006) 11.25 Best (2000) 1.25pm Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 3.15 35mm 3.45 The Proposition (1998) 5.45 Earth (1998) 7.35 La Vie En Rose (2006) 10.00 Magnolia (1999) 1.20am Quadrophenia (1979) 3.25 Away From Her (2006) 5.00 Sky Movies Preview

1.00pm Night Train To Munich (1940) 2.50 Very Important Person (1961) 4.45 I Was A Male War Bride (1949) 6.50 Local Hero (1983) 9.00 Fantastic Four (2005) Superhero yarn starring Jessica Alba and Ioan Gruffudd. 11.05 Once Upon A Time In The Midlands (2002) 1.30am The Godless Girl (1929)

9.05am The Women (1939) 11.25 Tall Story (1960) 1.05pm Spies Like Us (1985) 3.00 Spencer’s Mountain (1963) 5.20 The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 7.05 The Gumball Rally (1976) 9.00 Quick Change (1990) 10.45 Scarecrow (1973) 12.50am Pink Floyd - The Wall (1982) 2.40 The Women (1939)

Classics

Indie

037_LS413_TV_thu

2/25/09

4:51 PM

Page 1

thursday 5 Stylista Five, 8pm Five gathers eleven wannabe fashionistas to compete for an editorial job on Elle magazine. Whatever happened to going along to an interview and waiting for a phone call the next week? Anyway, the hopefuls kowtow to the mag’s director Anne Slowey, showing just how much pride is necessary to work in publishing.

Red Riding Channel 4, 9pm The first in a trilogy of connecting films set in Yorkshire during the 1970s and 80s, adapted from David Peace’s cult novels. A rookie journalist has more gusto than caution as he investigates what appears to be a cover up in a series of child abductions. What did curiosity do to the cat? Let’s see if journalists fare better.

Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain BBC3, 8pm She used to be ‘stEnders’ Sonia Jackson and became the voice of a youth nation. Now she’s using her own words to investigate young Brits, tonight exploring the fame game and adjustments to it. Featuring Youtube phenomenon Lauren Luke and cancer survivor Nicky Avery.

terrestrial

sport

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ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Prank Patrol 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Numberjacks 9.30 Something Special - Out And About 9.50 Bob The Builder 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel - Year 4 (x2) 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Something Special 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Battle Of The Brains Quiz show hosted by Nicky Campbell. 6.30 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 7.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain Oz takes James to Wales. First they find a ‘beverage plant’ that makes famous ‘foreign beers’ from all over the world, and then they visit a farmer who makes ‘designer vodka’ from potato wine. 7.30 Cash And Curry Britain’s booming curry industry is now worth more than three billion pounds annually. In this Money Programme, Saira Khan meets those making millions from curry. 8.00 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden Jimmy Doherty recreates many of Darwin’s investigations. 9.00 Darwin’s Dangerous Idea In the first of a new three-part series Andrew Marr explores how Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection has taken on a life of its own far beyond the world of science. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Graham welcomes his special guest Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, and top comedian Ed Byrne. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Company Three-part drama series based on the Robert Littell bestseller of CIA intrigue. 12.55am BBC News 4.00 French Shorts 5.00 Being French 5.30 Telling Tales

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.35 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Sweet Sixteen 10.30 Advertising Uncut 11.00 Teen Taboos 11.30 Year Dot Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 My Eden 12.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.40 FILM: The Admirable Crichton (1957) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 Football First: Match Choice 12.00pm Football First: Match Choice 1.30 Football First: Match Choice 3.00 Live Dubai International Racing Carnival 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am Trans World Sport 1.00 Live International Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The day of sentencing dawns for Jasmine and Debbie. Down or out? 7.30 The Krypton Factor Ben Shephard is the host as TV’s toughest competition reaches its climax, and the four finalists face each other. 8.00 The Bill DS Max Carter, DC Grace Dasari and DC Jacob Banks are on the tail of a drug dealer, but the situation escalates when the dealer’s accomplice injures a young woman as he tries to make his getaway. 9.00 Billy Connolly: Journey To The Edge Of The World Billy continues his journey through Canada. This week, he travels from the Atlantic to the Pacific through the fabled Northwest Passage. Normally this route is impossible because the sea is completely iced up, but with the changing climate, the ice melts for a few summer weeks. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Dexter Crime drama. As Dexter tries to distance himself from Lila, he discovers she is not so willing to end their relationship. 11.35 FILM: Manhunter (1986) Starring William Petersen, Kim Greist, Brian Cox. Thriller. Based on Red Dragon by Thomas Harris. 1.40am Crossing Jordan 2.25 Loose Women 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa is suspended from school for stealing Lydia’s purse. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 10 Years Younger: The Challenge Makeover show presented by Myleene Klass. Marie wants to recapture the glamour of her youth after losing her looks to years of fast-living, while aspiring businesswoman Jenni longs for an image overhall. 9.00 Red Riding See highlights. 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA In 18 months, Italian restaurant Campania has been run into the ground by a cumbersome menu, a chaotic kitchen and confused staff. Gordon decides that the only way to help owner Joe put the New Jersey restaurant back on the map is to serve locally prepared meatballs that diners will find irresistible. Doubt it’ll be that straightforward though. Isn’t Jersey where you go to sleep with the fishes? 12.05am 4 Music: Adele 12.35 4Play: Ladyhawke 12.40 Rock Ness 1.20 Rockfeedback 1.50 3 Minute Wonder: Darwin’s Originals 1.55 The Dish 2.10 Revenge Of The Bin Men 3.10 3 Minute Wonder: Darwin’s Originals 3.15 Christianity: A History 4.15 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Belle turns to pills when she has trouble coping with the pressures of life. 6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary series based at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire, presented by Kate Gerbeau. Lenny the badger spends some time in the dentist’s chair. Lucky dentist. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series presented by Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. 8.00 Stylista See highlights. 9.00 Soho Blues Documentary. This final instalment joins the London bobbies for one last time, before looking at the highlights of the series. 10.00 FILM: Bloodsport (1987) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Donald Gibb, Leah Ayres, Norman Burton, Forest Whitaker and Bolo Yeung. Tough action movie in which an American soldier enters an illegal underground martial arts contest regarded by cognoscenti as the ultimate competition for the world’s best fighters. Based on the true story of Frank Dux. Kudos for having both JCVD and Forest Whittaker. 11.50 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series profiling a highspeed police interception unit. 12.20am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders As Stacey continues on her downward spiral, Callum reveals his darker side. It’s not gonna be nice like dark chocolate, is it? More murky like drains. Oh. 8.00 Rogue Traders Matt Allwright and Dan Penteado are hot on the heels of rogues. In Bradford, they get a pump-action super-soaking from a dodgy salesman who tries to hoodwink them into parting with thousands of pounds for a roofsealing product. 8.30 The Green Green Grass Rural sitcom. 9.00 New Tricks Drama. When an elderly lady’s body is discovered, part-consumed by her horde of cats, the death is dismissed as a tragic accident. But when it is discovered that she has disinherited her relatives in favour of her beloved pets, Jack becomes convinced that a murder has taken place. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Political debate from Dudley. 11.35 This Week 12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 The People’s Hospital 1.55 It’s Not Easy Being Green 2.25 Countryfile 3.20 BBC News

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00pm Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Women’s Golf 3.00 Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 10.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five-OO 12.00am Spanish Football: Copa Del Rey 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Women’s Golf 8.00 European Tour Weekly 8.30 Sailing: World Match Racing 9.00 Watersports World 10.00 Total Rugby 10.30 Licence To Le Mans 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Total Rugby 1.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Licence To Le Mans 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 Tenpin Bowling 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Powder Adventures 6.30 Tennis: Davis Cup: 2008 Season Review 7.30 LIVE Rugby League: Varsity Match 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am The Rugby Club 2.00 Rugby League: Varsity Match 4.00 Tennis: Davis Cup: 2008 Season Review 5.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 UK Border Force 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Hello Goodbye 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Cold Case 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain. See highlights. 9.00 Baby Borrowers USA 9.45 The Real Hustle 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Dangerous Love: A Comic Relief Special 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.10am Baby Borrowers USA 12.55 NatalieCassidy’sRealBritain

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Britain’s Best Drives 9.00 Touring Britain 10.00 Michael Smith’s Drivetime 10.30 Ford’s Dagenham Dream 11.30 Gladstone And Disraeli: Clash Of The Titans 1.00am Touring Britain 2.00 Britain’s Best Drives 2.30 Touring Britain 3.30 Michael Smith’s Drivetime

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 10.00 American Idol 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am American Idol

1.30pm Ballykissangel 2.35 Monarch Of The Glen 3.40 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.40 Surgical Spirit 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Flashpoint 11.00 FILM: The Associate (1996) 1.10am Kavanagh QC

1.40pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 Skins 11.05 The Inbetweeners 11.35 Peep Show 12.10am Scrubs (x2)

2.00pm Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER

12.00pm Maury (2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Rehab 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Extreme Makeover UK

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.15 Scrubs (x2) 12.15am Two And A Half Men 12.45 Frasier (x2)

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Raging Nature 9.00 Solved 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Deadly Visions (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: Out For A Kill (2003) 11.50 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 1.30am Ghost Stories

1.30pm Lover Come Back (1961) 3.25 Abbott And Costello Meet The Killer, Boris Karloff (1949) 4.55 The Movie Geek 5.25 Rear Window (1954) 7.25 Flaming Star (1960) 9.00 The Collector (1965) 11.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 1.15am Holiday Inn (1942) 3.00 The Collector (1965)

10.35am 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 12.40pm Jindabyne (2006) 2.45 December Boys (2007) 4.35 Remnants Of Everest (2007) 6.25 This Is My Father (1998) 8.25 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 10.00 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 12.00am Body Shots (1999)

1.00pm Tokyo Joe (1949) 2.45 Appointment In London (1953) 4.40 Prince Valiant (1954) 6.40 Silver Streak (1976) 9.00 Fire In The Sky (1993) 11.05 Frequency (2000) Dennis Quaid gets his wires crossed in this timecrossing radio drama. 1.30am Teenage Caveman (2002)

7.15am Tall Story (1960) 8.55 Promise Her Anything (1966) 10.45 The Desert Song (1953) 1.00pm The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 3.00 Critic’s Choice (1963) 4.50 Operation Pacific (1951) 6.55 Drum Beat (1954) 9.00 Klute (1971) 11.10 Badlands (1973) 12.55am Klute (1971) 3.10 The Double Man (1967)

Classics

Indie

038_LS413_TV_fri

2/26/09

6:03 PM

Page 1

friday 6 Moving Wallpaper ITV1, 9pm This comedy series sending up the behind-the-TV-scenes shenanigans has lost its front of house show, leaving the producers desperate for a new pitch. Jonathan’s got one – a zombie drama – and he’s got American TV execs over, plus Kelly Brook and Alan Dale. All he needs now is to keep Nancy away.

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1, 10.35pm Cult classics tonight, with big fella of the moment BAFTA award-winning James Corden making an appearance. A rarity for him to be seen out without his cohort Matthew Horne. Joining him is Dexter and Six Feet Under actor Michael C Hall, a must for boxset fans. Plus Annie Lennox.

Snog Marry Avoid? BBC3, 11pm Jenny Frost is back with the Personal Overhaul Device (POD), showing her up with its cheeky quips at its make-under victims. Tonight’s guinea pigs include Aisleyne from Big Brother, being made under into an altogether more conservative young lady. Other participants include burlesque babe Lou La La.

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sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Outback 8 4.35 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Numberjacks 9.30 Something Special - Out And About 9.50 Bob The Builder 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm Tennis: Davis Cup 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.35 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Sweet Sixteen 10.30 Advertising Uncut 11.00 Teen Taboos 11.30 Year Dot Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 FILM: Geronimo (1962) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Build A New Life In The Country: Was It Worth It? 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: A Perfect Day (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 9.30 Darts: Premier League 1.00pm Barclays Premier League World 1.30 LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE Test Cricket 9.30 International Cricket 11.30 LIVE Test Cricket 1.00am Super League 3.00 Friday Fight Night 5.00 Big League Weekend

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sports quiz hosted by Sue Barker. 8.00 EastEnders Roxy makes a desperate attempt at reconciliation with Ronnie. Stopped being a spoilt brat now have we? Or simply swapped roles with big sis? 8.30 Traffic Cops Documentary. 9.00 QI Panel-based quiz. Stephen Fry focuses on films and fame with Emma Thompson, David Mitchell, John Sessions and Alan Davies. Handy, all having been in films. 9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lucy is stressed, as she has to make an important speech at a recruitment conference. Another chance for the boys to try to ‘help’ her. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross See highlights. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw OJ Borg is at Lottery HQ with the results. 11.40 FILM: Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (2004) Starring Diego Luna, Romola Garai, Patrick Swayze. Romantic drama set in 1958. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: Horizon: The Secret Life Of Your Bodyclock 2.10 Timewatch Queen Elizabeth’s Lost Guns 3.10 BBC News

6.00 Battle Of The Brains The final episode in the second series. Did you just love it? 6.30 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 7.00 Once A Soldier Documentary series about the Chelsea Pensioners, former British soldiers who live in the Royal Hospital in Chelsea. Women are coming to the hospital and it is a case of when, not if. 7.30 Mastermind The subjects in this edition are: The Women of the Special Operations Executive; The Canterbury Tales; Henri CartierBresson and Metallica. 8.00 Natural World Wildlife documentary. 8.50 Coast A look around the coast of the British Isles. 9.00 Rocket Science Documentary series that tracks a typical class in a typical school over a rollercoaster nine months, as inspirational physics teacher Andy Smith tries to convert his pupils to physics and chemistry. 10.00 Rab C Nesbitt Comedy featuring Scotland’s angry middleaged man. Spot his English cousin on West Street if you can. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 The Culture Show Uncut The Culture Show looks at the future for the arts across the Northeast. 12.20am Medium (x2) 1.45 Nero Wolfe Mysteries

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola is humiliated when Jimmy sets her straight about his trip to Switzerland. 7.30 Coronation Street Can Gail persuade Tina to give David another chance? Go on. Go on, go on ,go on. 8.00 No Refunds?: Tonight Fiona Foster investigates why complaints to one consumer group about defective garments and substandard service have increased by 22 percent in the past year, and asks whether retailers are adopting a tougher returns policy. 8.30 Coronation Street Can Leanne forgive Peter for his betrayal? That bloke’s had more chances than a Monopoly set. 9.00 Moving Wallpaper See highlights. 9.30 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder Multi-award winning comic Al Murray returns with a brand new sketch show. 10.00 Pushing Daisies Quirky US comedy drama. Magician the Great Herrmann hires Emerson to come to the Conjurer’s Castle to track down the killer of his animal assistants. 11.00 The Late News; Weather 11.35 FILM: Empire (2002) Starring John Leguizamo, Peter Sarsgaard, Denise Richards. Gangster thriller. 1.20am FILM: Gods And Generals (2003) 4.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Michaela signs Zak up to the TA, even though he’s decided on a career in teaching. Eh?! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Soldier Girls: On The Road To Afghanistan Following two women from different backgrounds as they face the final hurdles of officer training at Sandhurst Military Academy. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Troy and Sally have lived on both sides of the Atlantic. They want to buy a new family home, but must choose between Salisbury or Florida. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Jack’s Waterfront in Michigan, is a lakeside restaurant in a popular summer spot. The views are fantastic, but the food fails to match them. It is run by local bodybuilders Bill, Scott and Tamer. Can Gordo bully muscle-bound bosses? 10.00 Free Agents Comedy series set in a talent agency. 10.30 Frank Skinner Live At The Birmingham Hippodrome 11.35 Arctic Monkeys At The Apollo 12.40am 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 1.10 The JD Set Presents: Sam Issac 1.30 4Play: Emiliana Torrini 1.45 Volvo Ocean Race 2.40 KOTV Classics 2008 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.20 Time Team 5.10 Countdown 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Aden faces problems in his new job on the prawn trawler. Not a joke. 6.30 Wild Animal ER Documentary series based at Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Buckinghamshire. The team takes to the water to help a swan with a hook in its mouth. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Rough Guide To Hidden Gems Travel series presented by Julia Bradbury and Toby Amies. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS US drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The agents stumble upon a nine-year-old kidnap case while showing a group of boy scouts around HQ. 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama series about a maths genius recruited by the FBI. The agents investigate when a series of bombs go off at a charity’s headquarters. 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series following the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. The team profiles a man who targets families on holiday by holding them hostage and acting out strange fantasies with them. Wasn’t that a Ben Affleck comedy? 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 Tim Marlow On... 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 3.30 International Cricket 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 6.30 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night Live 12.00am Big League Weekend 1.00 Women’s Golf 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Live Women’s Golf 8.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 8.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Women’s Golf 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 WWE Raw 5.30 Live Badminton 10.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.30 Gillette World Sport 2.00 British Ice Hockey 4.30 Powder Adventures 5.00 Live Women’s Golf

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.15 Doctor Who 9.00 Being Human 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Grownups 11.00 Snog Marry Avoid?. See highlights. 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Little Britain USA 12.45 Being Human 1.45 Grownups 2.15 Snog Marry Avoid? 2.45 Paparazzi: Next Generation

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Debussy And Monet: Partners In Art 9.00 Legends: The Andrews Sisters - Queens Of The Music Machines 10.00 FILM: Buck Privates (1941) 11.20 Mad Men 12.10am The New Avengers 1.00 Legends: The Andrews Sisters - Queens Of The Music Machines

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 American Idol (x2) 11.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 12.00am Coronation St (x2) 1.00 American Idol

12.30pm Heartbeat 1.35 Ballykissangel 2.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.50 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.45 Surgical Spirit 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Flashpoint 10.00 FILM: Overboard (1987) 12.20am Liverpool One

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 FILM: Zoolander (2001) 11.45 Scrubs (X2) 12.45am My Name Is Earl

2.00pm Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 FILM: Patriot Games (1992) 12.15am Grand Designs

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (zx2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Celebrity Death Match

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Storm Chasers 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Earthstorm (2006) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Sea Of Souls 9.15 FILM: The Last Winter (2006) 11.15 FILM: Child’s Play 3 (1991) 12.55am FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006)

10.00am Pimpernel Smith (1941) 12.00pm Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 1.40 Safety Last (1923) 3.00 Psycho (1960) 4.50 The Apartment (1960) 7.00 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 9.00 In The Heat Of The Night (1967) 10.55 Seconds (1966) 12.45am Psycho (1960)

12.45pm A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 2.35 The Singer (2006) 4.30 Tumbleweeds (1999) 6.15 The Counterfeiters (2007) 7.55 Rescue Dawn (2006) 10.00 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 12.45am Movie Geek 1.15 Do The Right Thing (1989)

1.00pm The Mudlark (1950) 2.55 A Kid For Two Farthings (1955) 4.40 Sea Of Sand (1958) 6.45 War Games (1983) 9.00 X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) Hugh Jackman flexes his claws as Wolverine as the love of his life Jean Grey returns a bit changed. 11.05 Dawn Of The Dead (2004) 1.05am She Creature (2001)

7.05am The Desert Song (1953) 8.55 Mutiny On The Bounty (1935) 11.25 A Lion Is In The Streets (1953) 1.05pm Rampage (1963) 3.00 The Omega Man (1971) 4.55 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 7.00 A Fine Madness (1966) 9.00 Dangerous Liaisons (1988) 11.15 Fame (1980) 1.40am Freaks (1932)

Classics

Indie

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2/26/09

4:25 PM

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saturday 7 Timewatch: The Real Bonnie And Clyde BBC 2, 8pm Hollywood portrayed them as glamorous outlaws, but the reality of life for Bonnie and Clyde was one of violence and danger. With access to memoirs and police records, Timewatch takes an epic road trip through the heart of depression-era America in search of the truth.

Queen Victoria’s Men Channel 4, 9pm Docu-drama on Queen Victoria’s five relationships with men who played a major role in her life.The film is drawn extensively from the candid diaries and letters of Victoria and those in her inner circle, and includes contributions from actor and writer Julian Fellows and historians Tristram Hunt and Andrew Roberts.

Most Annoying Couples BBC3, 7pm Clip show counting down the celebrity couples that most get our collective goat, from Amy Winehouse and Blake FielderCivil to Liza Minnelli and David Gest, from Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow to Lembit Opik and his Cheeky Girl. Thankfully most of them have now split up, now there’s a surprise…

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.35 Rachel Allen: Bake! 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Davis Cup 4.15 Final Score 5.20 BBC News 5.35 Regional News And Weather 5.40 Outtake TV

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.35 Three Delivery 7.55 Prank Patrol Pocketsize 8.00 Skunk Fu 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero? 9.55 Bernard 10.00 Basil’s Swap Shop 11.00 Roar 12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle 12.25 Malcolm In The Middle 12.55 SuperAgents 1.25 Sound 2.00 Athletics: European Indoor Championships 5.10 Galapagos

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.50 Dancing On Ice 11.10 Dancing On Ice - The Skate Off 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm FA Cup Live: Coventry City V Chelsea 2.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.45 The Unforgettable Hattie Jacques 4.15 Meridian News And Weather 4.30 ITV News And Weather 4.45 FA Cup Live: Fulham V Manchester United

6.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape Marine biologist and professional diver Monty Halls turns his back on city life to become a 21st century beachcomber on the west coast of Scotland. 7.00 The Genius Of Photography Documentary exploring the history of photography – from daguerreotype to digital, from portraits to photojournalism, from art to advertising. Photography at its best is a medium that makes viewers eyewitnesses to history. Just how good is photography at making sense of what it records? Is getting in close and risking a neck always better than standing back? The episode examines how photographers dealt with dramatic and tragic events like D-Day, the Holocaust and Hiroshima, and the questions their pictures raise. 8.00 Timewatch: The Real Bonnie And Clyde See highlights. 9.00 Satanic Verses Documentary about the controversary surrounding the publication of the Satanic Verses. 10.30 QI XL Stephen Fry focuses on films and fame with Emma Thompson, David Mitchell, John Sessions and Alan Davies. 11.15 FILM: A Prairie Home Companion See film highlights. 12.55am Mad Men 1.45 FILM: The Lightship

7.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Harry Hill conjures up yet more clips, quips and sketches from the week’s TV. The bigcollared maestro of mirth has scoured endless hours of telly for the magic moments that passed the rest of us by. With all the big soaps, reality shows and top docs and dramas to play with, expect Harry to have lots of treats up his sleeve! 7.45 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway The duo are joined by Franz Ferdinand performing their new single ‘No You Girls.’ In Ant v Dec – The Teams, the boys’ celebrity teammates face a challenge involving some very large animals. Plus the usual chance to win the adverts for the studio audience. 9.00 Midsomer Murders When Julian Shepherd is found drowned, it seems as though he committed suicide due to all his money being tied up in Charles Edmonton’s latest invention. But when another man dies after poaching peregrine eggs from Charles’s wife, Barnaby suspects foul play. 10.30 FA Cup Highlights Coventry City v Chelsea and Fulham v Manchester United. 11.45 ITV News And Weather 12.00am FILM: The Closer You Get 1.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations x2 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.10 Chiro 7.15 Franklin 7.45 Franny’s Feet 8.00 Olivia 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Animal Families 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Up Close And Dangerous 11.00 Most Striking Moments: Austin Stevens’ Adventures 12.30pm Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 1.30 FILM: Josie And The Pussycats (2001) 3.20 FILM: Who’s Harry Crumb? (1989) 5.00 FILM: The Prince Of Tides (1991) 7.20 Five News And Sport 7.25 Minder Archie risks the wrath of an old business associate when he loses the man’s car in a poker game. He enlists the help of poker expert Jamie to win the car back, but the pair find the stakes are high. 8.20 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. The commander in charge of a shipment of nuclear weapons is kidnapped and the team must find him before he divulges the secret location of the arms. 9.20 CSI: NY Crime drama series. The discovery of a partially decomposed body inside a crushed car at a scrapyard leads the CSIs on a desperate search for a missing infant. 10.20 Law And Order Crime drama. A jeweller is shot dead in the middle of Times Square. Detectives suspect he was killed because he betrayed his associates in the Russian mob, only for the victim’s embittered wife to become implicated in the crime. 11.20 NCIS The agents stumble upon a nine-year-old kidnap case while showing a group of boy scouts around HQ. The investigation leads to an unsolved murder case, a missing father and a corrupt policeman. 12.20am Quiz Call 4.00 Tim Marlow On... Modern Art 5.10 House Doctor x2

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Volvo Ocean Race 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Big League Weekend 8.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 2.30 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 LIVE Super League 7.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Ford Football Special 12.00am Scottish Cup Football 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Ford Football Special 3.30 Scottish Cup Football 4.30 Spanish Football

6.10 Total Wipeout Richard Hammond presents a new game show. Crashes, smashes and mud splashes are on the cards as twenty contestants take on one of television’s largest and most extreme obstacle courses. 7.05 Let’s Dance For Comic Relief Claudia Winkleman and Steve Jones host a celebrity-packed dance show for Comic Relief, with Anton Du Beke and guest panellist Lisa Snowdon. Two acts from this heat will go through to the final, with proceeds from the voting going to Comic Relief. Also on the show, stars from the hit West End musical Mamma Mia. 8.20 The National Lottery Draws Live from Lottery HQ with the draws. 8.30 Casualty Adam’s skills are put to the test, and Kelsey tries to make amends with her colleagues. Alice gets some interesting information about Curtis from Tess. 9.20 The Old Guys Sitcom about two elderly delinquents. 9.50 The Vicar Of Dibley Lady in dog collar comedy. 10.30 BBC News 10.50 FILM: Ladder 49 (2004) Action drama starring Joaquin Phoenix and John Travolta about a firefighter trapped in a blazing building. 12.35am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 1.35 Weatherview 1.40 BBC News

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Freesports On 4 7.30 Vendee Globe 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.50 Friends 10.20 Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Kelly Clarkson Special 10.50 Friends 11.20 Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Lady Gaga Special 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 12.55pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 The TV Show 4.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions Cookery-based reality show in which chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner host. Brenda Mallam’s Spanish menu leaves her with a tricky paella to cook under her guest’s eagle eyes. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Time Team Tony Robinson and the team are invited to investigate a Bedfordshire field, which is thought to have once been home to a grand Roman villa. However the dig proves to be a tough one, with the trench failing to deliver the evidence that everyone was expecting. 8.00 Grand Designs Property series following householders as they build their own homes. Kevin McCloud travels to Wiltshire to see if Andrew and Meryl Ainslie’s dream of constructing a 21st century farmhouse can become a reality. 9.00 Queen Victoria’s Men See highlights. 10.40 FILM: A Man Apart (2003) Violent action thriller in which a DEA agent goes in search of bloody revenge when his wife is murdered in retaliation for his department having taken down a Mexican drug baron. 12.40am FILM: A Dirty Shame . 2.35 The Porn King, The Stripper And The Bent Copper 3.30 Hill Street Blues 4.20 Time Team 5.10 Countdown 5.55 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 1.30pm LIVE Test Cricket 5.30 LIVE Test Cricket 9.30 Test Cricket 10.30 Super 14 Rugby 12.30am Volvo Ocean Race 1.00 LIVE International Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Women’s Golf 8.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 8.30 Airsports World 9.00 Gillette World Sport 9.30 Volvo Ocean Race 10.00 Max Power 11.00 LIVE Athletics 3.30pm Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 Women’s Golf 7.00 WWE Smackdown 9.00 WWE The Bottom Line 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am Super League 3.00 Super 14 Rugby 5.00 LIVE Women’s Golf

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Oops TV 12.30 Oops TV 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bones 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 Guinness World Records Top 100 11.00 Bones 12.00am Cold Case 1.00 24 1.50 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Most Annoying Couples 7.20 Freaky Eaters 8.15 Top Gear 9.20 FILM: The Lake House (2006) 10.55 Live At The Apollo 11.40 Family Guy 12.05am Family Guy 12.25 Being Human 1.25 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.55 Freaky Eaters 2.55 Teen Cooks 3.50 Being Human 4.50 Most Annoying Couples

7.00pm Greg Dyke On Nye Bevan 8.00 Jacques Henri Lartigue: The Boy Who Never Grew Up 8.30 James Ravilious: A World In Photographs 9.00 The Photographer, His Wife, Her Lover 10.20 Robert Capa: In Love And War 11.45 The Lost Pictures Of Eugene Smith 12.25am The Thirties In Colour (x4)

12.45pm American Idol (x3) 4.45 FILM: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown () 6.35 FILM: K-9 (1989) 8.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 8.50 The Saturdays: The Hot Desk 9.00 FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004) 11.20 FILM: Disclosure (1994) 1.55am Celebrity Juice 2.25 FM 2.50 Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty

11.25am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.30pm The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Bribery And Corruption (x2) 2.45 FILM: The Secret Of My Success (1987) 4.50 FILM: Overboard (1987) 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 FILM: The Guru (2001) 10.55 Cracker 12.00am Hammer House Of Horror 1.10 Crime Story

10.00am The Simple Life 2: Road Trip (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.45pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Greatest Comedy Catchphrases 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 Dark Angel 2.00 The Simple Life 2

9.30am Time Team (x3) 12.30pm FILM: D-Day The Sixth Of June (1956) 2.35 Grand Designs (x5) 7.55 Catastrophe 9.00 Snowstorm: Britain’s Big Freeze 10.00 Celebration 11.00 Harold Pinter: Nobel Prize Speech 12.05am The West Wing 1.05 Grand Designs 2.05 Snowstorm: Britain’s Big Freeze

10.00am Charmed 11.00 Kyle XY 12.00pm Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model 3.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 7.00 CSI 8.00 Living With... Yvette And Karl 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.20pm Only Fools And Horses (x2) 2.20 Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga 4.20 Blackadder II 5.00 Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments 7.00 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 Blackadder The Third 11.00 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.40 Porridge 12.20am Jonathan Creek 1.40 Blackadder The Third

3.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 6.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 7.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 8.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Two And A Half Men 10.30 Scrubs 11.00 South Park 11.30 Frasier 12.00am Everybody Loves Raymond

1.00pm The Curse Of Tutankhamun 2.00 King Tut’s Mystery Tomb Opened 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Unsolved Murders (X2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Raging Nature 7.00 Storm Chasers 8.00 Extreme Loggers 9.00 Murder Shift 10.00 Prison Boxing 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting

2.40pm FILM: It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955) 4.20 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 6.00 Star Trek 7.00 Haunted Homes 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Mimic: Sentinel (2003) 11.30 FILM: Creature (2004) 1.20am FILM: Bloodsuckers (2005) 3.20 Ghost Stories

10.55am The Phantom Of The Opera (1943) 12.30pm The Movie Geek 1.00 Sunset Boulevard (1950) 2.55 Stalag 17 (1953) 5.00 Duel In The Sun (1946) 7.10 Shenandoah (1965) 9.00 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 11.25 Stalag 17 (1953) 1.35am Sunset Boulevard (1950)

9.00am Year Of The Dog (2007) 10.45 Fire (1996) 12.45pm Paper Moon (1973) 2.30 The Good German (2005) 4.30 The Proposition (1998) 6.30 Year Of The Dog (2007) 8.15 Paper Moon (1973) 10.00 Mulholland Drive (2001) 12.30am Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

1.00pm WarGames (1983) 3.15 The Raid (1954) 4.55 An Ideal Husband (1999) 6.45 The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) 9.00 The X Files (1998) 11.20 Death Note: The Last Name (2006) 2.05am Earth Vs The Spider (2001) 3.55 Close

8.20am A Majority Of One (1961) 10.55 Trouble Along The Way (1953) 1.05pm She’s Back On Broadway (1953) 3.00 Crooks And Coronets (1969) 5.00 Bronco Billy (1980) 7.10 Funny Farm (1988) 9.00 The Shining (1980) 11.35 The Hand (1981) 1.30am The Screening Room 2.00 The Shining (1980)

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Indie

040_LS413_TVSUN

2/26/09

6:21 PM

Page 1

sunday 8 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden BBC 2, 6.10pm When Charles Darwin set about proving his theory of evolution, he had none of the advantages of modern genetics or DNA analysis, so he came up with some experiments of his own. In this series, Jimmy Doherty recreates many of these investigations.

Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Katie Price ITV1, 10pm Loved and loathed in equal measures, Katie Price is an icon of our age. Piers Morgan delves behind the puff in an intimate and emotionally charged one-hour interview. Katie reveals all about her family, her feuds and how she fancied Peter Andre from the moment she first set eyes on him.

The Story Of The Costume Drama ITV3, 8pm A five-part series examining the extraordinary impact that costume and period drama has had on TV history. From Robin Hood in 1955 to the Cranford, via The Forsyte Saga, Upstairs Downstairs and Pride and Prejudice. Perfect Sunday night bodice-ripping fodder.

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 1.25 Cash In The Attic 2.25 EastEnders 4.20 After You’ve Gone 4.50 Lifeline 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 Regional News And Weather

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Animalia 7.35 Three Delivery 8.00 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 8.30 Only In America 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 12.00pm Tennis: Davis Cup 2.00 Athletics: European Indoor Championships 5.10 Ski Sunday 5.40 Dive Galapagos

6.00am GMTV 9.25 FA Cup Highlights 10.40 The Championship 11.40 ITV News And Weather 11.45 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 12.15pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2.25 The Colour Of Money 3.25 FILM: Never Say Never Again (1983) 5.50 The Krypton Factor

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Trans World Sport 8.00 4Sport: Destination 2012 8.55 Friends 9.25 Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Kelly Clarkson Special 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.40 Friends 2.10 The Big Bang Theory 2.40 Pink: Video Exclusive 2.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.45 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Time Team

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.30 Animal Families 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.05 The Mr. Men Show 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.33 Look! 9.35 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Numb3rs 12.00pm Cowboy Builders 1.00 Zoo Days 1.05 FILM: Fort Worth (1951) 2.40 FILM: Cutaway (2000) 4.50 Five News And Sport 5.00 FILM: Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)

6.00am Scottish Cup Football 7.00 Ford Football Special 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 1.30pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE Test Cricket 9.30 Test Cricket 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Premiership Rugby Union 4.00 Spanish Football

6.00 Nature’s Great Events Nature documentary looking at when an army of dolphins, sharks, whales, seals and gannets hunt down the billions of sardines along the South African coast. This is known as the sardine run, an underwater Armageddon and the greatest gathering of predators on the planet. 7.00 Antiques Roadshow Objects include a 17th-century love token of a betrothal box and a rare haul of silver. Also, the original speaking clock comes out of retirement. 8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford A sudden storm reveals a secret romance. 9.00 The Victorians Jeremy Paxman discovers how, in the dying years of Victoria’s reign, artists led a revolt against Victorian values. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Damages The arrest of a suspect clears Daniel Purcell, and Tom and Ellen uncover evidence that could support Patty’s lawsuit. 11.00 FILM: Deathtrap (1982) A playwright is presented with a striking piece of work by one of his drama students. The dramatist recognises a play so good it would almost be worth killing for. 12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: Nature’s Great Events 1.55 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.55 Sign Zone: Million Dollar Traders 3.55 BBC News

6.10 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden See highlights. 7.10 Top Gear The lads explore the idea that you cannot be a proper petrolhead unless you have owned an Alfa Romeo. 8.10 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections Richard Hammond discovers the startling engineering connections behind the Troll A gas platform, the largest object ever moved by man across the surface of the Earth. 9.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape Monty’s daily chores are complicated by the hottest and driest spring for many years. Keeping his vegetables and animals alive means constant trips into the village to get water and the mackerel are not biting and he is still eating out of tins. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy panel game show. 10.30 High Altitude Graham Bell and Ed Leigh invite Duran Duran frontman Simon Le Bon and his brother Jonny to a frozen lake in Sweden in a quest for sailing supremacy – on ice. 11.00 Graham Norton Uncut Graham is off the leash. 11.50 Heroes Drama series about people with superpowers. 12.30am FILM: Dead Heat (2002) 2.00 FILM: Tower Of Evil 3.30 BBC News 4.05 The Super League Show

6.20 Meridian News And Weather 6.30 ITV News And Weather 6.50 Creature Comforts How does a hamster sound like a kipper? Does an owl give a hoot? Can a slug imitate a chicken? Animals give their best impressions. 7.00 Creature Comforts Did you know that pigs hate someone breathing on their neck? Or that the best way to irritate a police horse is to walk like a baboon in front of it? 7.10 Dancing On Ice The competition is at boiling point, with all five celebs desperate to go on to next week’s semi-final. 8.15 Wild At Heart In the aftermath of the storm, Alice makes a difficult decision and leaves a badly injured and unconscious Danny alone in the bush to try to get help. 9.15 Dancing On Ice – The Skate Off It is results time. 10.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Katie Price See highlights. 11.00 ITV News And Weather 11.15 FA Cup Highlights Matt Smith presents highlights of today’s FA Cup quarter-final matches. With commentary from Peter Drury and Jon Champion, and studio analysis by Robbie Earle. 12.45am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.30 The Cosby Mysteries 3.20 No Refunds? 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Heston’s Victorian Feast Heston Blumenthal uses myth, science and history to create feasts from the Victorian age. Inspired by Alice in Wonderland, Heston stages his own version of the Mad Hatter’s tea party for a table of celebrity diners, serving his guests a dinner of mock turtle broth tea, an entirely edible garden, and an absinthe flavoured jelly cone. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Four cooks from Swindon take up the challenge, including a psychic, a selfproclaimed chauvinist and flamboyant Filipina-born Imelda Smith. 9.00 FILM: She’s The Man (2006) Modern update of Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, as a teenage girl, fuming at her school’s decision to drop the ladies football team, disguises herself as her twin brother to carry on her soccer career. 11.05 FILM: Elizabethtown (2005) Romantic comedy. After losing his job and girlfriend, a shoe designer is on the verge of suicide when his father has died and he must return home to Elizabethtown to arrange the funeral. 1.20am Coming Up: Kings Of London 1.55 Hair: It’s All Good 2.00 Death In The Bay: The Cockle-Pickers’ Story 3.00 Lucky Day 3.15 Hill Street Blues 4.05 Time Team 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Grabbit The Rabbit 5.50 The Hoobs

6.30 FILM: The Benchwarmers (2006) Baseball comedy in which three grown men, eager to make up for their childhood of being left on the sidelines, enter a Little League tournament against teams consisting of local bullies. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Hugh takes a novice trucker under his wing; another rookie sets out with a difficult load. 9.00 FILM: The Devil’s Own (1997) Controversial thriller about an IrishAmerican cop who wrestles with his conscience when he learns that his new lodger is an undercover IRA operative on a mission to buy weapons. The morally upright cop has sympathy for the young man’s tragic past, but cannot condone his actions. 11.10 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series unlocking the truth about some of America’s most notorious prisons. This edition follows the experiences of new guards at the Wyoming State Penitentiary, a maximum-security facility. Many of these ‘newbies’ struggle to cope in the harsh environment, where they are heavily outnumbered by violent inmates and walk the halls armed only with pepper spray. 12.10am CCTV Cities 1.10 Winter X Games 2.00 Boxing Classic 2.50 Boxing USA 4.00 UEFA Cup Classics 5.10 House Doctor x2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE International Cricket 9.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.00 Sunday Supplement 11.30 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 3.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Premiership Rugby Union 12.00am Super 14 Rugby 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 8.30 Wild Spirits 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Super 14 Rugby 1.00pm Women’s Golf 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 LIVE NASCAR 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Vintage Collection 12.00am Badminton 3.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Futurama (x3) 2.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 3.00 Hello Goodbye 4.00 Children’s Champions Awards 2009 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Lost 10.00 FILM: The Beach (2000) 12.15am Night Cops 1.15 Road Wars (x2) 3.05 Street Wars

7.00pm Comic Relief Presents... Islands In The Stream 7.15 FILM: Meet The Parents (2000) 9.00 Two Pints: Comic Relief Special 9.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 10.30 Comic Relief’s Naughty Bits 11.30 Family Guy 11.55 Family Guy 12.15am Two Pints: Comic Relief Special

7.00pm Wine 8.00 Sissinghurst (x2) 9.00 The Maharajas’ Car: The Story Of Rolls-Royce In India 10.00 Ford’s Dagenham Dream 11.00 FILM: Mondovino (2004) 1.10am Wine 2.10 Ford’s Dagenham Dream 3.10 Sissinghurst (x2) 5.30 Close

8.40am American Idol (x3) 12.40pm FILM: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown (2006) 2.20 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 3.35 Gossip Girl 4.35 Coronation Street Omnibus 7.05 FILM: K-9 (1989) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 FM 10.30 Celebrity Juice 11.00 FILM: Van Helsing (2004) 1.35am Entourage

12.35pm Wycliffe 1.35 FILM: The Secret Of My Success (1987) 3.40 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes (x2) 5.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 8.00 The Story Of The Costume Drama 9.00 Mansfield Park 11.05 Ladies Of Letters 11.40 Cadfael 1.15am Hammer House Of Horror (x2) 3.10 The Wonder Years

11.30am Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious (x2) 1.15pm Beauty And The Geek 2.10 Crowned 3.05 Age Of Love 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Sex And The City (x2) 1.10 Age Of Love

10.35am Scrapheap Challenge (x3) 1.45pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.25 Jamie At Home 7.55 To be announced 10.00 Miracle Of The Hudson Plane Crash 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.50 Deal Or No Deal

12.00pm Home Video Heroes 12.30 Marley And Me 1.00 Extreme: Skinny Celebrities 3 2.00 America’s Next Top Model (x4) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 New Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Pop Goes The Band 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm The Vicar Of Dibley Top 40 4.30 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 7.00 Blackadder’s Most Cunning Moments 9.00 Open All Hours 9.40 Seven Of One: One Man’s Meat 10.20 Porridge 11.00 French And Saunders Christmas Special 11.50 Open All Hours 12.30am Seven Of One: One Man’s Meat

12.00pm Hitler’s Generals (x2) 2.00 Raging Nature (X3) 5.00 Squid Invasion 6.00 Tornado Rampage 7.00 Ways To Save The Planet 8.00 Storm Chasers 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Solved 11.00 Murder Shift 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill 3.00 Treasure Quest

11.00am Haunted Homes 12.00pm FILM: Deadly Visions (2004) 1.50 Star Trek 3.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 5.00 Firefly 6.00 Eli Stone 7.00 FILM: The Sword Of Xanten (2004) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 11.00 FILM: Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) 12.50am FILM: The Last Winter (2006)

1.00pm Sabrina (1954) 2.55 The Seven Year Itch (1955) 4.45 Lover Come Back (1961) 6.40 The Top 10 Show 6.55 Operation Petticoat (1959) 9.00 Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 10.40 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 12.20am The Movie Geek 12.50 The Palm Beach Story (1942)

9.00am Youth Without Youth (2007) 11.10 The Serpent (2006) 1.15pm The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 3.15 This Is My Father (1998) 5.15 Across The Universe (2007) 7.30 Into The Wild (2007) 10.00 Youth Without Youth (2007) 12.10am Repo Man (1984) 1.50 Quadrophenia (1979)

1.00pm Napoleon Dynamite (2004) 2.45 DOA (1950) 4.25 The True Story Of Jesse James (1956) 6.15 Independence Day (1996) 9.00 Batman (1989) 11.30 Big Trouble In Little China (1986) 1.25am The Day The World Ended (2001) 3.15 Close

9.55am Grand Prix (1966) 1.00pm Charro! (1969) 3.00 Serenade (1956) 5.20 The Dark Crystal (1982) 7.10 Four Eyes And Six Guns (1992) 9.00 Mad Dog And Glory (1993) 10.55 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) 1.15am Mad Dog And Glory (1993) 2.55 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981)

Classics

Indie

041_LS413_TVMON

2/27/09

10:02 AM

Page 1

monday 9 Pets Undercover: Tonight ITV1, 8pm Vet bills are the biggest cost in keeping a pet – but do they have to be so high? Jonathan Maitland and his dog Monty investigate whether vets are overcharging us, and recommending unnecessary treatments for our pets. Get ready to snuggle up with your favourite four-legged friend and find out.

Media Revolution BBC2, 11.5pm Janet Street-Porter investigates how newspapers are coping with falling circulation, advertising revenues and the growth of the internet, and asks if newspapers can survive in their current form. With contributions from national editors, advertising gurus and a rare interview with media mogul Rupert Murdoch.

Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones ITV3, 9pm In the first of a new series, Griff Rhys Jones travels to New York to experience the huge diversity of its culture and people. He looks at the iconic and familiar, the old and the new, and tries to convey the vibrant life of one of the world’s great cities. Sit back and take a bite of the Apple.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Dom’s On The Case: Road Rip-Offs 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Mona The Vampire 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 One Minute Wonders 4.35 Half Moon Investigations 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog Topical reports and investigations. 8.00 EastEnders Danielle reaches a decision that she must come clean with Ronnie. Jane and Masood take time out together, and Minty might be on to a winner in the girlfriend stakes. 8.30 Panorama Panorama looks at a proposed amnesty for hundreds of thousands of long-standing illegal immigrants, offering them the right to work and full citizenship. 9.00 Comic Relief: The Fools’ Guide Catherine Tate and Billy Connolly give an insider’s view of Comic Relief’s first 21 years. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Undercover Princes Three bachelor princes come to the UK in search of true love. 11.35 Celebrity Lives Sharia Style What would happen if you took highprofile celebrity marriages, divorces and legal wrangles and settled them under Shariah law? 12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: The Victorians 1.15 Sign Zone: Victorian Farm 2.15 Sign Zone: Natural World Wildlife 3.05 Sign Zone: MasterChef 3.35 BBC News

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.45 Jackanory Junior 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary History 11.40 Around Scotland 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Celebrating the much-loved TV series. 7.00 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections Crash-happy Hammond takes a history lesson in engineering 7.50 High Altitude Graham Bell and Ed Leigh invite Duran Duran frontman Simon Le Bon and his brother Jonny to a frozen lake in Sweden in a quest for sailing supremacy – on ice. 8.00 Railway Walks Julia Bradbury embarks on a a series of walks following the old tracks, overgrown cuttings and ancient viaducts of Britain’s lost rail empire. 8.30 Grow Your Own Drugs In the second of this six-part series exploring plant-based natural remedies and beauty treatments, ethnobotanist James Wong turns the spotlight on flowers. 9.00 Heroes Nathan’s plans face exposure as Homeland Security begins an investigation. 9.45 Dragons’ Den – Best Of Reliving riveting pitches. 10.00 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lucy is stressed, as she has to make an speech at a recruitment conference, and has nobody to help her write it. 10.30 Newsnight The stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 Media Revolution See highlights. 12.50 BBC News 4.00 Telling Tales x2

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish – Celebrity Special

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Waldemar On Sculpture 10.50 Designers Under Pressure 11.00 Underdogs 11.50 Designers Under Pressure 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Small Railway Journeys 12.50 FILM: All About Eve (1950) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 1.30pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Women’s World Cup Cricket Hits

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Val and Pollard conspire to sell the pub to Mark. Doug does his best to clear the air with Bob. Nicola’s reconciliation with Jimmy fails. 7.30 Coronation Street Can Peter persuade Leanne to stay? 8.00 Pets Undercover: Tonight See highlights. 8.30 Coronation Street Gail and Joe divulge some shocking secrets. The age gap puts a strain on Liz and Lloyd’s relationship. 9.00 Law & Order: UK When former vice cop Frank McCallum is discovered beaten to death in an underpass, the investigation goes in unexpected directions. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder Al Murray sketch show. 11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Another selection of gags, skits and sketches. 11.35 FILM: Ready When You Are, Mr McGill (2004) Film extra Joe McGill is thrilled when he is given a line to speak, but when the big moment arrives, his mind goes blank. 1.15am Wanted 2.05 UEFA Champions League 2.35 Loose Women 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer befriends a group of Hollywood celebrities. 6.30 Hollyoaks Elliot locks himself in his room to carry out an experiment. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot The Labour Party describes plans to help people through the economic downturn. 8.00 Dispatches: How They Squander Our Billions Jane Moore examines claims that the government wastes billions of pounds of taxpayers’ money each year. 9.00 Addicted To Surrogacy Around a thousand surrogate babies have been born in the UK over the past two decades. The truth behind what drives these women is often far more complex than simply money or altruism. 10.00 FILM: Elektra (2005) An assassin is charged with killing a man to pay for the sins of his grandfather, but switches sides to protect him from the supernatural team of ninjas who hired her. 11.50 FILM: I’m A Cyborg, But That’s OK (2006). An offbeat romantic comedy set in a psychiatric ward by Korean director Park ChanWook, his first film since completing his blood-soaked revenge trilogy. 1.55am Reasons To Be Cheerful 2.05 Abductees 2.20 FILM: Fathom (1967) 4.00 Making It. Arts and crafts. 4.05 Number Crew 5.45 Making It

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.30 Roary The Racing Car 7.40 Chiro 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Mio Mao 8.50 Play! 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Build A New Life In The Country: Was It Worth It? 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Mercy Mission: The Rescue Of Flight 771 (1993) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Belle threatens to expose Freya. 6.30 Monkey Life Eighty-eight capuchin monkeys rescued from a research laboratory in Chile wake up to their first morning at Monkey World. Over in the chimp nursery, Rodders has a run-in with a sticky melon. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn presents a series examining the feats of science and engineering behind everyday life. 8.00 The Gadget Show Ortis examines 3D TV, Jon looks at the best home-phone deals available and Jason visits the London Toy Fair. 9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Robson heads to Alaska to catch giant king salmon. 10.00 America’s Toughest Prisons This edition follows the experiences of new guards at the Wyoming State Penitentiary. Many ‘newbies’ struggle to cope in the harsh environment, where they are heavily outnumbered by violent inmates. 11.05 FILM: Jackie Chan’s Police Story 2 See film highlights. 1.05am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.55 USPGA Golf 2.45 AMA Supercross 3.30 Arenacross 4.10 Race And Rally UK 4.35 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Spanish Football 11.00 Premiership Rugby Union 1.00pm Super 14 Rugby 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 8.30 Big League Weekend 10.00 Test Cricket 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 Poker 4.30 Big League Weekend

Sky Sports 3 7.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Powder Adventures 8.00 Davis Cup Tennis 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Women’s Golf 3.00 Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Wendy’s Champions Skins 2009 10.00 WWE The Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A TenYear-Old? 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.50 Road Wars (x3) 1.50am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.30 Battlestar Galactica 4.20 Cruise With Stelios (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Grownups 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.10 Family Guy (x2) 11.55 Gavin And Stacey 12.25am Grownups 12.55 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.25 Two Pints

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Legends: The Andrews Sisters – Queens Of The Music Machines 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 The Miners’ Strike 10.30 The Children’s Ward: Storyville 11.30 Touring Britain (x2) 1.30am The Maharajas’ Car: The Story Of Rolls-Royce In India 2.25 The Children’s Ward: Storyville

4.00pm Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Lily Allen: The Hot Desk 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Katie Price: Life Stories Uncut 10.30 Coronation Street (x2) 11.30 FILM: Basic Instinct (1992) 1.55am Jack Osbourne

4.55pm Drama Trails 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 Liverpool One 12.15am The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 1.20 Hammer House Of Horror

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 FILM: Zoolander (2001) 12.15am Scrubs (x2)

2.00pm Hill Street Blues 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.05 ER 12.05am Brothers And Sisters

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Pop Goes The Band 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 America’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 Steptoe And Son 11.00 The New Statesman 11.35 French And Saunders 12.15am The Vicar Of Dibley

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 How It’s Made (x2) 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Earthquake (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: Cyclops (2008) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

11.20am The Desperate Hours (1955) 1.20pm Charade (1963) 3.15 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 5.20 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 7.05 Johnny Guitar (1954) 9.00 Shane (1953) 11.00 The Desperate Hours (1955) 12.55am I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘Is Name (1969)

11.30am Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 1.30pm Hollywoodland (2006) 3.40 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 5.40 The Movie Geek 6.10 A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 8.10 Clubland (2007) 10.00 Breaking And Entering (2006) 12.05am Paris, Je T’Aime (2006)

1.00pm Rage At Dawn (1955) 2.45 Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 5.05 Night Train To Munich (1940) 7.00 Bad News Bears (1976) 9.00 Planet Of The Apes (2001) 11.15 Kung Fu Hustle (2004) 1.15am How To Make A Monster (2001) 3.05 Close

8.15am Mark Of The Vampire (1935) 9.20 Welcome To Hard Times (1967) 11.10 Cash McCall (1959) 1.00pm Young Man With A Horn (1950) 3.00 Hotel (1967) 5.20 Marlowe (1969) 7.10 The Helicopter Spies (1968) 9.00 Arthur (1981) 10.50 Promises In The Dark (1979) 1.00am Arthur (1981)

Classics

Indie