Latest 7: No. 414 by Latest Homes

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3/6/09

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

10 – 16 March 2009

FREE WEEKLY

lemar on why his mum is such an inspiration win! win! win! tickets to lemar’s brighton show, cinema tickets and a hamper of fruit beer!

mind blowing richard alston dance company return to brighton dome page 13

mother’s pride top tips to make your mum’s day simply the best

002_LS414_Dymanic Yoga

3/4/09

1:06 PM

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NOW WITH VIRTUAL STUDIO TOUR

www.dynamicyoga.tv The studio incorporates a fantastic new ‘state of the art’ fresh oxygenated heating ventilation system.

Class duration: 90 minutes

Stuart offers a completely unique style of yoga. “My yoga is not just mechanical yoga, it is based on aligning your mind and spine with this magnificent universe.”

7 Video testimonals on the website.

003_LS414_contents

3/6/09

3:39 PM

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–13 5 Seann gets caught in the wind 6 Social diary visits Gossypium fashion store and SEE documentary festival

6 Competitions: win soft brew

Welcome I

★ latest listings 25–45 25 Reviews Amadou and Mariam, The Lovely Brothers, and Isy Suttie

27 Stage Free theatre tickets if you’re young

7 Dani‘s not the marrying kind 8 Alison says grown ups never have time 8 Will learns a thing or two from a diva 9 CelebCity: TV stars come to Sussex 10 Bare Cheek: things to do in Brighton 11 Interview: Lemar is a family man 13 On the cover: Richard Alston Dance Company at Brighton Dome

28 Film Matt King on his role in the bloody biopic Bronson and win cinema tickets

30 Comedy Please shut up for stand-up

30 Art Artizan screenprints at Pelham House

31 Kids & Events Win tickets to In the Night Garden

★ latest news 14–16 14 News summary and Mary Mears is not PC-mad

31 Books Poet Lorna Thorpe remembers her dad Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

15 Phil Mills on gypsy training for police 16 Letters: No, thank YOU 16 Sport: What next for the Albion?

★ latest lifestyle 17–24

32 Music The music at Brighton Festival and Grace Jones at Beachdown

35 Clubs Freak Bazaar and Supercharged

36 Gay 17 Andrew goes to the moon 18 Hotlist. You have to eat; so eat well 20 Mother’s Day feature: gift ideas and how to treat that special mum

Winter Pride and Dining Dykes

38 TV Dani on Heston Blumenthal plus your free weekly TV guide

01273 818150

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Sub Editors Joe Curtin Patrick O’Donnell

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writer Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

t’s not easy being a mum. If you’ve got a good one, it’s nearly that time when you should spoil her to say thanks for all the times she’s cooked you dinner, listened to your problems and washed your dirty socks... For ideas about how to make your mum feel special, see our Mother’s Day feature (p20). If you want to go out but you’re feeling the pinch, we have great ways to save on your social life in this issue. Turn to the stage page (p27) to find out how to get free theatre tickets if you‘re under 26. You can also win a night out watching Lemar at the Brighton Centre – see Zara Baker‘s interview with the former reality show star to find out how to enter (p11). We are giving away another pair of cinema tickets in the film section (p28), this time with a free drink. The Duke of York’s cinema is going to be screening children’s TV show In the Night Garden later this month – find out how to win tickets in our weekly kids‘ section (p31). Finally, we have two hampers of brewed non-alcoholic fruit juice, each worth £75, to give away (p6). With all those great savings, it means you can spend on the shows that are really unmissable, such as the Richard Alston Dance Company at Brighton Dome. Read about the new performance, which celebrates Alston’s 40 years of choreography, on page 13. Brighton Festival has a great programme of music planned for May: see music editor Jeff Hemmings’ highlights (p32). Actor Matt King, aka Super Hans in Peep Show, appears in Bronson, the film about Britain’s most violent prisoner. The movie is showing exclusively in Brighton at the Duke of York’s and Matt and director Nicolas Winding Refn will be there for a Q&A following the first screening on Friday (p29). The big sports news last week was the appointment of a new Albion manager. See Latest Sport (p16) to find out what our resident footie expert Peter Knight makes of the Seagulls’ recent performance. In Latest Gay (p36), hear how to have chance of winning a holiday in a luxury chalet in the French Alps and read about why Dining Dykes founder Jane Hamilton set up what has become one of Brighton’s busiest gay social groups. Finally, don’t forget the Golden Handbag Awards celebrating the best of Brighton and Hove’s LGBT community take place this month. For where to buy tickets, see page 26.

32 38

Administration Claire Peerless Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

latest 7 3

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3/4/09

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005_LS414_Seann/Xword

3/4/09

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SEANN’S WORLD | XWORD 05

Seann

Seann Walsh A flatulence competition leads Seann to embrace his inner Sartre

Bottoms up f there’s one thing you should never do, it is to assess yourself. You will always choose the wrong moment. The last time I assessed myself, my friend and I, while watching Match of the Day, had just had a curry, followed by a farting competition (or, as we put it, ‘Fart War’). It was one of those evenings of total resignation from stress and shame, an embrace of the worst slobbishness. There are two types of relaxation: the healthy, and the unhealthy. Healthy relaxation involves things like bubble baths and herbal tea. It’s detox. Unhealthy relaxation involves things like curry, alcohol and farting. It’s more of a retox, and counts as relaxation only by virtue of occurring indoors. What was about to happen was not healthy. My friend declared war and fired first after the eating of the madras, which served as a sort of prewar, rectal arms race. I enjoyed every moment of it. We gleefully declared it the most fun we’d had in months, until we ran out of firepower, and I had lost 2215. I didn’t take the defeat with

any grace, promising him a rematch while he gloated. Eventually, I calmed down. I took a deep breath through my nose. So did he. That was when we became nasally aware of how attritional the Fart War had been. Now breathing sparingly through my mouth, I drifted away from the Fulham-West Brom highlights into a disturbing little world of my own: I began to assess myself. There’s something about the aftermath of a farting competition that makes one question one’s existential value. It is in the same experiential category as something like a boozy, unromantic sexual encounter on a

“Something in the aftermath of a farting match makes one question one’s existential value”

wall late at night. It’s graceless and seedy. No amount of bubble baths can wash off the shame; no amount of herbal tea can wash away the taste. Time is the medicine. Only time can shade the details and cure the cringes; enough time, that is, to pretty much forget it happened. When Fulham went one-nil up, I hadn’t had nearly enough time to forget. Ignoring the replays of the goal, and wallowing in the invisible arse-fog, I wondered if this was genuinely the best thing I had done all month. It was. “Is this the best I can do?” “What have I achieved?” These questions floated around my

consciousness, finding answers in the darker regions of blinkered negativity. Eventually, I arrived at the worst question of all: “What am I?” West Brom equalised. I barely noticed. I answered my question: “I’m a man who becomes competitive over flatulence. And I’m clearly not even good at it: I lost. I lost.” And this is the problem: self-assessment seems necessary only during moments of desperation and despair. When everything’s all right, we don’t question ourselves. Have you ever, during sex, asked yourself, “Where am I going in life?” If you have, it can’t have been particularly good, and it might have occurred late at night on a wall. So, if self-assessment can only happen at negative times, then it can only yield negative results. And you will not conclude, after a fart contest, that you’re a genius. The Match of the Day closing theme kicked in like a shot to the arm, curtailing the existential daydream. I asked my friend the score. He didn’t know either. At this point we agreed that selfassessment is bad. And so are fart competitions.

latestcrossword Cryptic 184

solutions on page 36

Quick 184

ACROSS

DOWN

1 Time to tango with presence? (10) 8 Despicable fellow's new cat Fifi (7) 9 Endless day in which one gets quietly obliterated (5) 10 Somehow in credit but not straight (8) 11 Thus girl soprano ends individual performance (4) 13 Operatic villain from Cornwall (6) 15 Divide Bison's body [not the male's] (6) 17 Title not applicable to yours truly (4) 18 Representative of the French at the entrance (8) 21 Former deed, to be precise (5) 22 Rolf's in trouble for making money (7) 23 Specialist involves me in sort of trial (10)

2 The last place in which athlete should be recognised (5) 3 Leave Arab's state with element of force (8) 4 Disfigure fed-up flier (6) 5 Four ways to give information (4) 6 What Livingstone did to repel ox in a frenzy (7) 7 Dexterity of a doctor when it's applied to nose realignment (10) 8 Anthropoid member in China mixing Dutch water (10) 12 Larva identified by Mr W. O. Weir (4-4) 14 Rush wildly like sheep boy (7) 16 Sailor on the rocks shouldn't be given beer (6) 19 A backward man - he's from outer space (5) 20 Halt - spinners about (4)

ACROSS 1 Puppet (10) 8 Encroach (7) 9 Ledge (5) 10 Lustily (8) 11 Eye infection (4) 13 Animal refuge (6) 15 Wine (6) 17 One of two (4) 18 Involves (8) 21 Celestial path (5) 22 Insect (7) 23 Surprise (10)

DOWN 2 Brightest star (5) 3 Firing system (8) 4 Pointed instrument (6) 5 Job (4) 6 Dispossessor (7) 7 Food residue (10) 8 Unconscious restraint (10) 12 Musical tool (8) 14 Array of colour (7) 16 Container (6) 19 Rule (5) 20 Daze (4)

006_LS414_Diary/Comps

6/3/09

3:15 PM

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Hopper hampers with The Juice Brewery The world’s first soft brew is shortly to launch in Brighton. To celebrate, Latest 7 have teamed up with The Juice Brewery to offer lucky readers the chance to win one of two Hopper hampers worth approx £75 each. Hoppers uniquely combine hops and malt with fruit juice. The result is a drink halfway between a fruity soft-drink and a beer, with a frothy head, fruity tang and all-natural ingredients – but no alcohol and far less calories than beer! One of the main ingredients, hops, is also known for its mood-boosting qualities, making this the perfect feel-good drink. Hoppers is currently stocked in Brighton by the Golden Lion Group (The Cricketers, Hove Place ), Pleisure Pubs (The Pull & Pump, The Office, Doctor Brighton’s) and Pubs U Like (Barley Mow, Crown & Anchor). Winners will receive a hamper packed with Hopper drinks in three delicious flavours: blackcurrant, citrus and apple. To be in with a chance of winning a healthy Hopper hamper, tell us: What three main ingredients are found in Hoppers? a) Fruit, Hops and Malt b) Fruit, Malt and Wheat c) Fruit, Malt and Alcohol Find out more or buy online at www.juicebrewery.com. Readers get free P&P by typing in PRAA before placing an order.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 24 March

gets into ethical clothing and sees some great films

Ethical shop opening Abigail and Thomas Petit, owners of the Sussex-based organic cotton brand Gossypium, unveiled their Fair-trade Pop-Up shop in the Lanes in Fair Trade Fortnight. The store was fully stocked with the Gossypium ethical fashion range, including womenswear, childrenswear and yogawear, along with a new range of make-it-yourself clothing kits. Visitors were treated to a window-based sewing demonstration on the new clothing kits and an in-store catwalk show of the latest fair-trade cotton fashion. Hasmukh Patel, an organic cotton farmer from India was at the unveiling. For more information www.gossypium.co.uk

Abigail Petit, Thomas Petit (Gossypium) Hasmukh Patel (Organic Cotton Farmer)

Sian

David Hooper, Lauren Simpson (Co-director of See Festival)

Nigel Pivaro (journalist and actor) Nick Elvidge (investment banking consultant)

Karolina Walega, Oliver de Trafford (Moksha Caffé), Lotta Sundström

Festival screening Lighthouse at 28 Kensington Street, Brighton hosted the opening of the SEE Festival 2009 after the launch screening of Three Miles North of Molkom at the Odeon Brighton with an evening evening of drinks and canapés, supplied by Moksha Caffé and Barefoot Wines. The festival was founded in 2005 by David Notman-Watt, film-maker and director of Back2Back TV Productions Limited, an independent production company in Brighton. The festival, which was spread over a weekend at two venues was an amazing event packed full of screenings, seminars, special events and was supported by celebrated documentary film-maker Luke Holland. The SEE Festival showcased the enormous richness of this regions talent, uniting a selection of the UK’s most well-respected and talented documentary filmmakers to encourage and inspire new work.

007_LS414_Dani

6/3/09

9:46 AM

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani arriages have hit an all time low. There are less weddings happening than has ever been recorded. This slump in the wedding market has been blamed on the credit crunch. I have my doubts as to whether the statistics would be any different if we were not living in a recession. The generation that is at the age and in the situations to be getting married (for the first time) are those children whose parents divorced when 25 years ago the statistics for that went upwards and show no sign of really ever stopping. I view marriage as nothing more than a path to divorce and perhaps that is the case with many of the other people out there. But perhaps it is the case that the Government has made it more economical to stay single. Or maybe it is because it is just a step too far for a country of commitment-phobes? One trend I have noticed is that relationships are now being lived backwards. You

Dani thinks the concept of marriage needs more thought Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

“I want to have a wedding and a husband but I do not wish to be married” move in together, you build a life, you have a couple of kids and then you get married. It seems as if we try and put our relationship through a series of tests before we make any real and paper commitment. I know that when I was younger there was no doubt in my mind that I would one day be married. But as I grew older I became more and more cynical and now I am part of a family in which every woman, bar one, is divorced, which doesn’t give you much trust in the institution, (however it isn’t the institution that failed – usually the men involved).

Kiss off Warrington Bank Quay railway station has banned kissing in a bid to stop the delay of dropping passengers off. There are now ‘No Kissing’ signs at the station and kissers are urged to move to a ‘kissing zone’ to say farewell. I can quite honestly say that I have never heard anything funnier. I do feel it is just a hoax. How ridiculous can we get? Is romance so dead that we are now allowed to kick the final dregs of life out of it? Is Warrington the secret romance capital of the world? Who was the person to come up with the idea of a no kissing zone? Had I been at that meeting I wouldn’t have been able to control myself for laughing hysterically!

Years ago you would get married before you even lived together, but now marriage has become an afterthought – once you have spent years together you marry because one of you might die and legally it would be best if you were married and widowed (which is horrible and I hate saying it, but there are instances where couples have been together for a very long time and only marry because they are reaching a riper age). Is it more painful to have a marriage breakdown than just separate from your long-time partner? A marriage is, after all, a relationship with a ring on a finger. The thing for me is that a marriage is meant to be forever. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend then no promise has been made and therefore no promise can be broken. I am not big into God, so the idea of a wedding to me, is to almost announce to all your loved ones that you have met the person you want to grow old with, have children with and love forever. So if the marriage broke down I imagine a slight amount of embarrassment would be felt as the promise that was made in front of your nearest and dearest had disappeared. I still think I will marry one day. But I fear it will be because it will one day be the next logical step,

not because I meet someone who wants to marry me. Romantic movies may still show an idealistic view of marriage but the real world doesn’t. I want to have a wedding and a husband but I do not wish to be married. I am not surprised the statistics are showing a drop in weddings, I will be one of the statistics. I don’t want to get married because I don’t want to be divorced.

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008_LS414_will/alison

3/6/09

10:02 AM

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08 CITY SPEAK

Alison here has all my time gone? Days used to be parked out in front of me like great expeditions that Scott of the Antarctic would have found challenging. About 3pm on a Sunday was always the worst time. That was when time seemed to sprawl out in front of me like an obese man’s belly, an unending sea of nothingness, a space with no energy and just me watching a clock waiting for my life to start. Which of course it did. Somewhere between the fifty-seven thousandth repeat of Dad’s Army and me getting a life, I lost all those spaces of time. I was recently reminded of my younger self at the weekend when I went to London for a friend’s birthday. The friend and I had seen each other on a regular basis over the years, but there were a lot of people appearing who I knew I had spent loads of time with in my previous incarnation as a club kid in London – over ten years ago. But I had had little reason to think of them since. First came the visual shock. Was that sweaty overweight middle-aged Jamaican guy, the once lithe beautiful Micheal who I’d

Alison Swann thinks she has worked out why she now doesn’t seem to have any time

Will

Will Harris is inspired by the performance of a much older lady

ut I’m tired! goes my plaintive cry. Look, I can barely keep my eyes open! The context in which I make this complaint could be, I’m afraid to say, anything from a refusal to go to the pub with friends after work, to a reluctance to make my other half a cup of tea in the morning (and take it from me, you need real talent to successfully play the ‘But I’m tired’ card immediately after eight hours of sleep). The point is, for a healthy 26-year-old man, I seem to spend half of my life feeling half-asleep. I don’t think I’m alone in my self-ascribed fatigue. After all, we’re all spinning gears in the relentless 21st century machine now, aren’t we; our dials turning from Work to Play to Work again faster than the hands of the clock, often bypassing the Rest position altogether? On top of everything, this year I have my Mission: 30 challenges to complete during 2009, of which so far I’ve managed the grand total of four (three and a half, if you count my crushing failure at vegetarianism). When you’re careering down the information superhighway at the same breakneck speed as all your fellow commuters and there aren’t any rest-stops, is it any wonder that more and more of us are falling asleep at the wheel?

“Who is this woman babbling at me about ‘that time in Brixton when we met a guy who wanted to marry you – after he’d had a sex change‘ What guy?”

danced with all night on the podium at the Fridge in the summer of 1998? Who is this woman babbling at me about “that time at SW9 in Brixton when we met that guy who wanted to marry you – after he’d had a sex change!“ What guy? I’m not too sure who this woman is, so identifying some random from a bar, I admittedly do remember going to – a lot – isn’t helping. Still it was fun, and once we had got past the reminiscing, and onto the reality of our lives now, things got more interesting. Hearing people describe my life then, confirmed how I once had time. Probably because I only did two things then. I worked (not much) and I played (a lot). Now, I work (much harder) and play (less, I don’t have the energy), I write, read, take photos, I even garden. But most importantly I do all the things that I left other people to sort out in the past. You know the bits that then I wouldn’t even have noticed needed doing, I clean, I wash stuff, I cook real food, I vacuum, I do DIY, I do a budget (and generally ignore it, but I’m getting there). So really, all that time when I was wondering what to do, there was something, I just hadn’t realised it. I have now.

“Complaining about being tired isn’t going to get me any less tired. Hell, it isn’t going to get me anywhere”

I suppose you’d think it strange if I told you it took a 70-year-old in a mini-dress to pull me out of my own self-induced funk. But that’s precisely what happened, when Tina Turner – the legend, the queen, those legs! – sprinted onto the stage of the O2 and launched a high-octane performance that would have put an Olympic athlete to shame. I watched open-mouthed as this living legend, at her three-score years and ten, belted out hit after hit while showing off moves that I, with my measly pair of baker’s dozens, would find difficult to pull off. No doubt she was tired too (at one point I thought I spied a defibrillator lurking stage left, although it turned out to be a saxophonist), but with the attention of tens of thousands of people on her, no way was this lady about to show it. It struck me then that complaining about being tired isn’t going to get me any less tired. Hell, it isn’t going to get me anywhere! From now on, I’m going to take a leaf out of Tina’s book, which is that sometimes, when the traffic’s screaming past you and there isn’t a rest-stop in sight, all you can do is wind down the window, crank up the volume, and enjoy the ride.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

009_LS414_celebcity

3/5/09

5:37 PM

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AROUND TOWN 09

LATEST NEWS 15

L7NEWS

News

Recession lifeline

Phil Mills reveals the new approach to the travelling community and business help

Moving on s a new season of travellers and gypsies moving in and out of Sussex is about to begin, police and local authorities are being asked to build better relationships with what is described as “the biggest ethnic minority in Sussex”. There have been ugly incidents in the past and one in 2003 resulted in the arrest of some members of a bonfire society for torching an effigy of a caravan. No charges were brought but the incident highlighted how sensitive the issue is. To raise awareness and improve race relations, members of the gypsy-travellers’ community recently joined 100 police and local authority representatives at what was the first ever seminar on the issue. Held at the Sussex Police training HQ at Slaugham Manor near Handcross, the seminar was opened by superintendent Tony Blaker, the force’s gypsy traveller equality officer. He said: “Gypsy travellers are the largest ethnic-minority group in Sussex but their community lacks confidence in our policing and often feels discriminated against.” The meeting, he said, would lay foundations for better relations and he insisted this was not tokenism: “It is our moral duty to ensure every member of the community is treated the same. “There is a long, often fraught history of tensions between travellers and the authorities, unsurprising given that in the 1500s you would be sentenced to death for being a gypsy. “The gypsy-travellers’ life has become increasingly more difficult, with the enclosure of common land and changes in legislation which saw police having to move on people from unauthorised camps. This saw increasing conflict between travellers and the police. “Their nomadic lifestyle is recognised in our cultural heritage. It is part of British life. There is a minority who may be involved in criminal behaviour but the assumption that the whole of the community is involved in crime must be stamped out. “We will target individuals who are involved in crime or antisocial behaviour, not whole communities.” Sussex Police are appointing and training police liaison officers to work with gypsy-traveller groups.

“Their nomadic lifestyle is recognised in our cultural heritage. It is part of British life”

Many struggling businesses in Brighton and Hove are crying out for advice on how to survive the recession, something the city council is now offering. Cutting business taxes would have offered direct help, critics argue, but the council instead is providing support for small and medium-sized businesses in the form of seminars and clinics. The council calls it a recession relief package, a Business Lifebelt to “provide practical solutions” to save firms from drowning. Developed in partnership with Brighton and Hove Chamber of Commerce and Business Link Sussex, the scheme comprises a string of free events and clinics: • City Business Clinics – available monthly to business owners and offering personalised one-to-one session with a specialist business advisor. • Sector Workshops – March to July workshops for retail, hospitality, business services, creative industries, and construction and building sectors. Delivered by industry experts and to help owner-managers stay motivated and to keep making a profit. • Meet the Professionals – drop-in event in April to give on-thespot advice from industry professionals on the current issues and challenges facing businesses. Business owners can drop in throughout the afternoon or evening for the opportunity to ask questions on subjects including finance and cashflow, selling and where to get help. • Business Lifebelt at The Brighton and Hove Business Show 2009, May 13 – all local business support organisations will offer free information and seminars. Councillor Ted Kemble, Cabinet Member for Enterprise, is urging businesses to take up the offers: “We're gathering some very experienced people to pass on their knowledge.“ Advice is no substitute for customers but, as the ad' says, every little helps. For more information about the events go to www.businessinbrighton.org.uk or email businesslifebelt@businessinbrighton.org.uk

016_LS414_Letters/Sport

3/6/09

3:49 PM

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16 LETTERS | SPORT

Photo by Ron Grover of Rottingdean

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sport bunker

Supporting act

LATEST LETTERS

Brighton Academy of Performing Arts would like to say a big thank you to Latest 7 for their support in the run up to our Grand Launch on Saturday 21 February! The day at St Aubyns School, Rottingdean was a huge success, as people from all over Brighton and the surrounding areas came along to celebrate the opening of the academy and take part in the free classes, workshops and activities we had on offer. There was also lots of cake! We had the privilege of the company of some special guests; Francesca Simon (author of Horrid Henry), Les Lawton (theatre director), Julie Peasgood (TV presenter) and Brian Capron (Coronation Street) who all gave up their time to chat with parents and children who are keen to sign up to our performing arts school. Performers from West End shows Les Miserable, Cats, Mamma Mia, Blood Brothers and more were on hand to put visitors through their paces in stage combat, drama, make-up and dance. And one lucky group of mums and dads (with kids!) even sang live on the radio, as Juice FM covered the event! As featured in Latest 7, we gave away free terms at the academy to five lucky winners. Juice FM announced the winners on the Breakfast Show on Thursday. They were: Aimee Bishop (Saltdean), Liam Maddin (Burgess Hill), Emily Jo Gage (Saltdean), Summer Heselden (Portslade), Helen Clifford (Withdean). Congratulations to them all! Steven Tagg, Principal, Brighton Academy of Performing Arts

Spring clean Latest Sport’s Peter Knight ponders the Seagulls’ fate and Slade’s arrival ike some mad drunken night out with the lads – upbeat, positive, winning games all of a sudden and still up for the cup – an unexpected frenzy of a whirlwind picks everything up and turns it all upside down. And what a hangover. The morning after that Brighton vs Luton game was like waking up in the dizzying land of Oz. Micky Adams felt the full force of our house land upon him for failing to live up to the high expectations by failing to manage and organise the obvious quality there is in this team. Some say he was booted too early. They could be right. Where was the ready replacement to fill in as soon as possible? Inexperienced coaches took over to manage a side looking for experience, stability, for some leadership from somewhere to steady the boat. The last thing the club needed right now was for the panic to set in. A hangover is best dealt with by grabbing it by the scruff of the neck and confidently riding it out.

“This is Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club. We’ve been through much worse than this”

A lighter load Thanks so much for the fantastic article in the Latest magazine (issue 410). I was expecting a small piece but a whole page – fantastic. Sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you – it’s been a crazy few weeks and I’m just starting to get back on top of all those things I should be doing. I think our interviews are always a bit of a challenge for journalists as no one stays still for very long and the subject is always getting changed! I managed to get a few copies of the mag for the guys. I’ve also going to upload a song to the website. Thanks again for your interest Paul Richards, Heavy Load

Send your letters or comments to: letters@thelatest.co.uk

You can also send to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

Nicky Forster, as first among a genuine fighting, hardworking team, is showing some real potential as a future manager one day and doing well to keep the team together. But his injury, along with all the others, adds to the current misery. As Dean Cox said, the Crewe game was a “freak” yet a great part of that nightmare was aided by the mire the club now finds itself in. But this is Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club. We’re Seagulls fans. We’ve been through much worse than this. Credit is due to whoever sorted out the much needed loan signings of skillful Al Bangura, the powerful forward Lloyd Owusu and solid defender Matt Heath. Hopefully, this Saturday they will have proved their quality against rivals Leyton Orient. And there’s still 13 more games left to beat the drop starting with tonight’s clash with Southend at the Withdean. This ain’t over till it’s over. As news filters in of Russell Slade’s appointment as the new manager we must appreciate the spirit and the history of this football club and the way we can deal with this situation. This is the chance to build on the strong sense of teamwork that’s needed to pull through this and a ripe time for a spring clean and a new start.

017_LS414_food

5/3/09

12:33 PM

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay moonwalks to Moonrakers to find out what’s cooking in Alfriston

Over the moon A

h! The pretty villages of rural Sussex, timber, thatch, flint, pantiles, morris dancing and incest. Oh okay, the incest thing is legend and probably not true any more, probably. Sussex does have some pretty stunning villages though and few are prettier than Alfriston. The only thing that really lets it down is indeed caused by its appeal. You look that good and you are bound to attract visitors and visitors come in cars. Hence in the summer months the village can be one long jam. Go to Alfriston now though and it has a lovely sleepy atmosphere, very few tourists and only the occasional backpack. You may even find somewhere to park – legally.

“The plate was a jewel box of deliciousness – a 10 out of 10 pudding” For many years Alfriston has proudly boasted a restaurant called Moonrakers. I went way back in pre-history and it was very good, but a few years back it went into decline and a new owner simply did not seem interested. So much so that he turned down my booking once because he couldn’t be bothered to light the fire for one table. You can imagine my re-action. Happily last year it was sold and given a thoroughly good seeing too. Now it looks prettier than ever, has remarkably friendly staff and a menu that is a delight. Having a business appointment in the village on a sunny Friday morning I fabricated an excuse to stay on and give the lunch menu a whirl. Joined by Mrs E, we sat down in a room that looked unchanged in years. Snowdrops decorated our table, great bread arrived with excellent butter and a menu of lunch dishes that hit exactly the right spot in terms of delight and price. At lunch it’s £12 for two courses and £15 for three, which is pretty impressive to start with – but when you see the food it is startlingly so. Mrs E chose the Sussex smoked salmon with horseradish cream. I assume this was Spring’s salmon and it doesn’t come much better, and there was plenty of it, simply folded onto the plate like a miniature tsunami of fish with crest of fiery cream lightened by dill. I had a meaty head on so chicken livers it was for me. A pile of them gently crisped on the outside but soft and creamy at the centre still, rather like good chocolate truffles – but savoury. The sauce was a rich gravy-like affair and very moreish. Mrs E then had salad of belly pork cooked in an oriental style. It was intimidatingly dark, but that turned out to be a cunning disguise as the soft slow-cooked meat simply fell apart at the wave of her fork. I stole a taste and it was exceedingly precise in its spicing, and the salad looked good and crunchy too.

For me it was venison, thick tender slices, cooked to exactly the right point, just over the edge from raw and as a consequence packed with flavour and succulent. It came on a beetroot fondant with a beetroot sauce and some creamed celeriac. Stylish, yes, but at the cost of flavour or heat? I can’t bear messed with food that arrives cold but here it was all piping hot as well as pretty. Mrs E declared herself too full for dessert – and then went on to order cheese, a more than generous helping of local delights, which I was quite happy to lend a hand with. But only after my rather remarkable pudding of chocolate marquise served with caramel oranges and crushed brazil nuts. Now, if you like me have ever suffered the disappointment of watery caramel oranges in an Italian restaurant then think again. This plate was a jewel box of deliciousness, soft velvety chocolate, crisp bitter caramel on sweet orange slices, crunchy nuts and a sprinkling of fresh herb – a 10 out of 10 pudding, really good! Coffee, again piping hot, rounded off a memorable lunch that was satisfyingly rich but not to the point of discomfort. And with a glass of wine each the bill was around £20 a head. Now if a restaurant of this quality can turn out a meal this stylish for this price why did I get charged £48 for one shared starter, two main courses and three drinks, one a pint of Harvey’s bitter, in a Ditchling pub recently? Look closely at many top-end restaurants and you will find a lunch menu that offers far better value than your middling gastro-boozer. Moonrakers puts great food in front of you that will make you, and your bank manager smile. Moonrakers, The Sussex Restaurant, High Street, Alfriston. BN26 5TD. Call 01323 871199 www.moonrakersrestaurant.co.uk

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18 HOT LIST gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF. 01273 542271 www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighto., 01273 681256.

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton, BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of home-cooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and Sunday roasts. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, soak up the sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000, www.coachhousebrighton.com

Seattle Restaurant This breathtaking restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has great views and the best seasonal, local produce and locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious modern British, by top chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. It’s near Seattle Hotel – or spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton. Call 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a

The Chilli Pickle

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Early Frog is available Tuesday to Friday at £20/13.95 between noon and 1pm. In the evening, buy one dish from the á la carte menu, get 50 per cent off the second main course (Tuesday to Thursday). Plat du jour at £7.95/9.95. Enjoy a lunchtime bowl of homemade soup with French bread for only £4.95. Gourmet evening on the third Thursday of every month, £49.50 including service for six courses and six glasses of wine. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488 www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa French patisserie on Queen’s Road. Everything is prepared each morning on the premises by their French gourmet pastry chef. Front of house

serves coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst others. Seating by a mural of the roofs of Paris is relaxing and bohemian. A recent French visitor said: ”The best croissant in Brighton, better than any I found in Paris!” 48 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu of twocourses £10.50, three-courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two-courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–5pm at £11.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle Indian bistro serving stunning food. Relaxed with an informal feel, the emphasis is authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. Daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. For dinner feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala. 42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside –

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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HOT LIST 19 two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. Enjoy – :“Sanuk” 165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding

Koba

doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi or just relax. In Kemp Town Village, just off St George’s Road and College Road. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior and works of local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, 01273 248890

Bars Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton.

ish has opened a wonderful new wet fish shop. This new Italian styled shopping experience is open to the general public 8 til 4 Monday to Saturday.

We have experienced staff to help you make your choice from our extensive range, caught locally from our own boats that land daily. We also serve restaurents, hotels, caterers and pubs. Also, we stock sauces and culinery items to enhance your dishes. For fresh from the sea and local products we cannot be beaten. Look forward to seeing you.

Matt Leach Brighton & Newhaven Fish Sales (BNFS) South Quay Basin Road South, Aldrington Basin, Portslade BN41 1WF (Office) 01273 430646 (Fax) 01273 430065

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20 HEALTH & BEAUTY

Win a cut & colour! Win a goodie bag of Phyto hair products plus a haircut and colour with Willie Hendry Hair in Brighton Latest 7 have teamed up with Willie Hendry Hair in Brighton to offer one lucky reader a cut and colour at the Brighton salon, to the value of £150, together with a bag of Phyto hair goodies. Two runners-up will receive Phyto goodie bags. The exclusive salon range, available at Willie Hendry Hair, includes the hydrating shampoo. Formulated with rum, derived from sugar cane byproducts, this smells more like an exotic cocktail than a shampoo and is well worth the treat to nourish dry locks. Hair is softer and more supple after just one use! For your chance to win this fantastic prize, tell us: Which spirit, derived from sugar cane by-products, is used in Phyto’s hydrating haircare range? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Hair’ in the subject box. Alternatively, write to us at the front of the magazine. Closing date: Monday 23 March. Willie Hendry Hair, 73 Upper Gloucester Road, Brighton. Call 01273 205505.

Spring cheek Latest 7 try out some new spring trends in make-up, ideal for Mother’s Day... or just for you Estee Lauder new limited edition pure nail lacquer in Honey Flower, www.esteelauder.com, call 0870 034 2566 for stockists, £11.74. “Nice packaging, dull looking colour in bottle (warm nude) turned out to be a refreshing colour when on and an easy to apply shade that remained unchipped all weekend.”

Jemma Kidd Stain Flush & Gloss Lip & Cheek Duo in 01 Ruby Tuesday, Space NK stores, by mail order: 020 8740 2085, www.spacenk.co.uk. £22 “Great lip and cheek compact that fits in your handbag for that night out. Once you have stained your lips all you need to do is gloss throughout the day or eve for that lasting look.”

Jemma Kidd Dewy Glow All Over Radiance Cream Space NK stores, by mail order: 020 8740 2085, www.spacenk.co.uk. £16 “A light cream in a handy compact that gives skin a quick boost for a healthy glow without feeling ‘caked’ on. Can be used under or on top of foundation or concealer. A must-have spring trend.”

Inika Mineral Lipstick in Cherub, £13.50, www.inikacosmetics.co.uk or call 0845 045 0664 for stockists. “Great packaging and pretty peachy colour. I loved its ‘stickability’ factor and yet also protects without being too glossy.”

Effectively assists with: Public Speaking Panic attacks Exam nerves Self esteem Smoking Phobias Weight management

Inika Mineral Blush – Illuminisor £15 and Inika Mineral Foundation £23, www.inikacosmetics.co.uk, 0845 045 0664 for stockists. “Although not the easiest to apply, once on it gave a really natural look and lasted all day, yet didn't feel like I was wearing it – it felt like my skin could breathe through it.”

Skin rescue It’s time to introduce a new moisturiser into your life and prepare to bare for Spring/Summer

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Weleda Citrus Skin Cream, 50ml, £5.95, www.weleda.co.uk: “Smells gorgeous, is easily absorbed, and leaves skin feeling incredibly soft.”

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Equilibra Shea Butter body cream, 250ml, £3.99, available from all pharmacies nationwide: “This instantly transformed my winter skin, making it soft and velvety. It smelt divine and was gentle enough for my face, too.”

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MOTHER’S DAY 21 Beauty Works Your mum deserves over an hour of heavenly relaxation at Beautyworks for only £35, from a selection of top-to-toe packages.

RELAXATION RITUAL A deeply relaxing back neck and shoulder massage, half hours reflexology followed by an Indian head massage. Gift Vouchers available for these packages/any treatment or value at their online shop www.beautyworks.net/shop or call 01273 420198.

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Magic

moments Make sure the special lady in your life gets a wonderful Mother’s Day how your mum you care this Mother’s Day with our guide to the perfect gifts and days out. For those who still have some shopping to do, there’s just under two weeks to plan and make your mum’s day a special one (Sunday 22 March). Show your thanks and express your love with the perfect Mother’s Day gift. All women love a little pampering and indulgence in their life. Here, we feature some gorgeous luxury products that will make a lot of wishlists this Mother’s Day. From pampering products at Beautique Brighton and Beauty Works, you will easily find something she will enjoy. If you’re unsure, opt for a gift certificate, where Mum can treat herself with the treatment or product of her choice. An alternative to a wrapped gift is a day out. Enjoy afternoon tea with a mouthwatering selection of sandwiches and cakes, enjoying the company of family while treating Mum to some delicious treats. Madame Geisha in Brighton are offering tempting cupcakes in a variety of flavours. Take some home for the perfect end to the day. Restaurants are also offering special menus for Mothering Sunday. Why not treat your special mum to a lunch or dinner, dining somewhere new? The bonus to this is that no family member – especially Mum – has to worry about the washing-up. For a different approach this Mother’s Day, offer the gift that helps save a life by supporting Maternity Worldwide. The charity works to protect vulnerable women in Africa. Show your own mum you care, while helping mothers in developing countries. See Maternity Worldwide’s editorial for details on the Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift. Whichever way you choose to spend this Mother’s Day, make sure it’s made memorable. Whether you live local or see each other just a few times a year; whether it’s a biological or surrogate relationship – spend the time and thought for making her day a truly special one.

Maternity Worldwide Maternity Worldwide presents the Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift. Buy your mum a Safe Birth Certificate and give the gift of a lifetime to some of the most vulnerable women in Africa. Make a donation: Unit 9, Level 4, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH, or online: www.maternityworldwide.org 01273 682241 Registered charity no.1111504

Beautique Brighton “Your future is written all over your face”

MOTHER’S DAY GIFT OFFER Treat your mother to a Dermalogica skin care facial and join her for free. Two dermalogica facials for the price of one. Give the perfect gift of visibly more beautiful skin and also enjoy their 20 per cent discount off all Dermalogica products. Exclusively at Beautique Brighton. 14 Ship Street, Brighton, BN1 1AD Tel:01273 711077 www.beautiquebrighton.com Offer valid from 21-27 March 2009

Maternity worldwide

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It sounds unbelievable but every minute of every day a woman somewhere dies in childbirth or pregnancy, the overwhelming majority in developing countries. Show your mum how much you appreciate her with a special gift that saves lives among the most vulnerable women in Africa. With your help we are achieving this through the Safe Childbirth Project in Gimbie, Ethiopia offering mothers access to community health education, vital medical care, and a Safe Birth Fund for those unable to pay. Maternity Worldwide’s Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift, enables you to both honour your mum and give the gift of a lifetime. Unit 9, Level 4, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH, www.maternityworldwide.org 01273 682241

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Registered charity no.1111504

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Madame for mother If you’re wondering where to take your mum this Mother’s Day, then Madame Geisha have unveiled their new spring and summer menu. Expect Pan-Asian infused dishes, with flash-fried teriyaki sirloin of beef, baked organic sesame coated salmon with ginger steamed Asian vegetables, stuffed aubergine with potato rosti and paprika dressing, as well as their handmade dim sum and a new Thai herb spicy salad with a free-range meat of your choice. Their diverse afternoon tea menu has a new range of delicious cupcakes (banoffee or strawberry and hazelnut) – all available to takeaway. On Mother’s Day itself the menu on offer will include a special sampler option, which allows you taste a little bit of everything. Perfect for those of you who never know what to choose. For more information go to www.madamegeisha.com or give them a ring on 01273770847.

Sunday roast in the sun

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Leave the cooking to the experts at the Terraces Bar and Grill this Mother’s Day and treat your mum to a delicious homecooked traditional Sunday roast, served with all the trimmings for only £8.50. Reserve your table in the amazing upstairs restaurant overlooking the sea and the famous Palace Pier… terraces is the ideal place to show your mum just how much you love her. Unit 8, Madeira Drive, Brighton, BN2 1PS. Call 01273 570526. enquiries@the-terraces.co.uk

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5 holidays to be won! Book a tanning course for £40 or more by 31st March 2009 to enter. T U B E S TAT I O N H O L I DAY O F F E R 47 St James’s Street, Brighton 01273 673421

Wedding winner Pelham House throws open its doors for a glorious Sunday wedding fair Pelham House is hosting a wedding fair on Sunday 15 March 2009. This is a rare but fantastic opportunity to see the house in its full glory, set for a perfect wedding, and pick up inspiration and ideas from suppliers to help you add the finishing touches to your day. The fair starts at 11am and finishes at 4pm; with complimentary admission, canapés and champagne, there is no better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Why not make a day of it and book Sunday lunch as well? One lucky couple will also get the chance to win a wedding at Pelham House for half the usual price*. This will include a reduction on room hire, the full wedding package, DJ, photographer, and more. All you need to do is visit the stand at the fair and fill in an entry form. *Subject to terms and conditions Pelham House, St. Andrews Lane, Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 1UW. Call 01273 488600

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LATEST LISTINGS 25

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON

10 – 16 MARCH

Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Amadou and Mariam The delicious Malian duo kicked off the UK strand of their tour in a sold-out Concorde 2. The warmth between them – the ever so visible sensuousness of touch that is particular to the blind – and their reception by us was all wrapped up and bathed in the orange glow of the lighting, reminiscent of the cover of the 2004 Manu Chao-inspired album, Dimanche a Bamako. It was the eponymous track from new album Welcome to Mali that opened proceedings and the quality and grace of sound from then on in never let up – quality that was studio-sharp with backing band and singers obviously thriving in the mix. BBC Radio 3 World Music Awards seem almost redundant when describing the crossover appeal of these two fine individuals. Concorde 2, 25 February

★★★★★ Jan Goodey

delightful turns as he conversed with a Spanish worm, and a quietly received recital from his book. With the deft hand of a seasoned professional he left the night on a mediocre high, ensuring the audience closed the show with a smile. A highly enjoyable doubleheader of comedy. Komedia, 19 February

★★★★✩ Victoria Nangle

Dan Antopolski

Isy Suttie & Dan Antopolski Isy Suttie is delightful. A unique talent unto herself and reminiscent in all the best ways of Victoria Wood and Jo Neary. She throws herself into her performance with such gusto and self-amusement it’s easy to be drawn into her world of library recitals and old blues men. Dan Antopolski’s set was a hit and miss affair, with some

Variety Lives! Where else would you see Marilyn Monroe, and hear comic one-liners and jazzy blues (not necessarily in that order) but at a variety show? And that’s what this night is all about reviving. Rocker, Ronnie Golden, as compere is a cracking choice as he smoothly steered the show and entertained us with his roguish wit and chord plucking. Special guest, top impressionist Steve Nallon lived up to the deserved hype and was cutely complemented by the sexy wiles of Carrie Quinlan as Ms Monroe and a French beatnik. Variety shows are like marmite. Love them or hate them: either way, they’re here to stay. Komedia, 26 February

★★★★✩

Hot review of the week

Monica Perdoni

The Lovely Brothers The Lovely Brothers (including one female) are two guitarists, a keyboard player, and drummer who are partial to nurses’ uniforms, balaclavas and masks. Oh, and a lead singer who looks like he’s stepped out of a music hall. Think satire, think melody and you’re on the right lines of what The Lovely Brothers are all about. Why can’t politics be humorous and jolly, eh? Dinky ditties of ‘What’s on TV Tonight?’ with singalong choruses prove why this memorable bunch have gained a cult following. Art rock at its rawest? Pantomime-pop? Cabaret-punk? Forget the labels and just enjoy the ride. Komedia, 19 February

★★★★★ Monica Perdoni

Have I None by Edward Bond The play presents a sort of postapocalyptic society where humanity has simply got tired of excess – possessions, friends, family etc and abandoned them. The result is that the lead characters Sarah (Laura Corbett) and Jams (Max O’Donoghue) squabble endlessly about who sits on whose chair; these overly heated exchanges provide the play’s funniest moments that are frequently hilarious. Into this comes Grit (Chris Harrison) who claims to be Sarah’s brother. The acting and direction is strong but the play itself doesn’t have much new to say and the one act isn’t quite enough to fully develop the characters or the story. Upstairs at Three and Ten, 25 February

My Federation p33

27 Stage The free ticket scheme to attract an audience

28 Film Matt King on new British film Bronson

30 Comedy A little quiet please, unless it’s laughter

30 Art Artizan Editions at Pelham House

31 Events & kids Kids film competition; Mad Hatter’s Market

31 Books Lorna Thorpe’s A Ghost In My House

32 Music Brighton Festival Preview; reviews; gigs

35 Clubs Seven nights and seven sins. Coincidence?

36 Gay News and nights out

38 Television Dani on Heston Blumenthal’s Feast; TV film highlights

★★★✩✩ Simon Plotkin

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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STAGE 27 Aynsley lister Band

remove the barriers, like cost, that stop young people attending. “We believe A Night Less Ordinary will help hundreds of thousands of young people to realise what live theatre can do – inspire us, challenge us and help us make sense of the world. It’s an inspiration that can last a lifetime.” Kevin Eason, head of arts at Crawley Borough Council, which runs the theatre, says: “Being part of this new initiative provides a wonderful opportunity for us to extend the development work we are currently offering young

people in the town and offers a chance for many more in our communities to experience what the arts have to offer.” Attendance at arts events traditionally drops in the 18-to-26 age range and so this initiative is specifically targeted at young adults and their families. It is designed to reach new audiences and develop a new generation of arts attendees. The free theatre scheme went live at The Hawth in February and will then continue until 2011 with free tickets for under-26s available on most shows on Tuesday to Thursday evenings (free tickets for each show are limited). Tickets will be allocated on a first-come-first-served basis and bookers will be offered the best seats available at the time of booking. A maximum of six tickets for one show can be booked by any individual and please note that each person claiming a free ticket must present their own ID to collect their ticket. Bookers will need to bring along some proof of age when collecting tickets at the box office (Young Person’s Rail Railcard, Citizens Card, 3-in-1 Card, passport or driving licence). For more information about A Night Less Ordinary and future shows that will be available free as part of the scheme please visit www.anightlessordinary.org.uk or The Hawth’s own dedicated page at www.hawth.co.uk and click on the ‘A Night Less Ordinary’ link in the left hand corner of the page.

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

The Hawth, Crawley

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Witches of Eastwick Marti Pellow stars as Darryl Van Horne in the musical based on the hit film. • 10–14 Mar, 7.30pm, Thu & Sat mat 2.30pm, £12.50–£31.50 The Circus of Horrors – Apocalypse in the Asylum Brand-new show filled with oddities, fakirs and death-defying circus acts. • 17 Mar, 7.30pm, £10–£23.50

01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Heart of Darkness Tavaziva Dance present a raw dance voyage into modern Africa. • 12 Mar, contact venue for show times/£ Baa Moo Yellow Dog Play for 2–5 year olds, using animal puppets, performed in British sign language and English. • 13–14 Mar, 1.30pm Fri and 11am Sat, £6 Forward Motion 09 Stunning dance gala. • 15 Mar, contact venue for times/£

Free ticket scheme The Hawth in Crawley joins the Arts Council England initiative to get more young people into the theatre In December it was announced that The Hawth in Crawley would receive a £30,000 funding boost for Arts Council England (ACE) to get more young theatre-goers through its doors. The national scheme – A Night Less Ordinary – is also supported by the Department for Culture, Media and Sport and aims to get more young people into theatres. The £2.5million scheme will provide 618,000 free theatre tickets to anyone under 26 in more than 200 venues across England, between February 2009 and March 2011, including The Hawth.

‘‘The £2.5million scheme will provide 618,000 free theatre tickets to anyone under 26’’ A spokesperson for ACE said “Arts Council England wants more young people to experience great theatre up close. To do that, we have to

Stage listings Tuesday 10 to Monday 23 March Brighton Dome 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Elemental Combining Arabic belly dance, flamenco, tango, burlesque and more. • 14 Mar, 7.30pm, £12/10 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Schubert, Haydn and Sallinen. • 15 Mar, 2.45pm, £8–£30 Jasmin Vardimon Company – Justitia Daring dance theatre unravelling the multiple truths behind a gripping crime story. • 16–17 Mar, 8pm, £10–£17.50 Terry Garoghan – Sing-a-Long-a-Brighton The Musical Fun night out as the popular musical returns. Timeless classics including ‘A Businessman in Whitehawk.’ • 21 Mar, 8pm, £18 How The Giraffe Got Its Neck Two plucky explorers answer probing questions: How did leopards get their spots? For ages 4+.

• 21 Mar, 11am and 2pm, £7 adults, £5 children, £22 two adults and two children

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com The Cherry Orchard Funny and touching play about a woman who’s losing her home and her cherry orchard. • 18 Mar, 7.30pm, £12.50/11 That’s Entertainment Too Musical journey of stage and film musicals from the 1930s to the present day. A FAME production (amateur). • 19–21 Mar, contact venue for times, £11

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk The Last Cigarette Dramatisation of Simon Gray’s The Smoking Diaries. Candid, probing and darkly funny. • 11 Mar–11 Apr, contact venue for times/£

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Dinnerladies Adapted from the popular television series with original cast members Andrew Dunn and Shobna Gulati. • 10–14 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19 Blonde Bombshells of 1943 Musical comedy based on the award-winning TV film. • 16–21 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Lloyd George Knew My Father Edward Fox stars in this comedy depicting the English aristocracy at their most maddeningly eccentric • 10–14 Mar, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat. Please contact venue for prices. God of Carnage Starring Richard E Grant. When two children clash in the playground, the parents meet up, only to clash too. • 16–21 Mar, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat. £tbc

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28 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 10 BOLT 3D (PG) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.15, 3.45 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 8.15 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.45, 8.45 I’VE LOVED YOU SO LONG (15) 8.45 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 THE UNBORN (15) 1.45, 4.30, 6.45, 9.15 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45

WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.15, 6.15 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.45, 8.45 MARLEY & ME (PG) 10.40, 11.45, 12.45, 2.20, 3.20, 5.00, 6.15, 7.45, 9.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 THE UNBORN (15) 4.00, 9.15 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45

Films showing Friday 13–Monday 16

CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.15, 6.15 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.45, 8.45 MARLEY & ME (PG) 11.45, 12.45, 2.20, 3.20, 5.00, 6.15, 7.45, 9.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 THE UNBORN (15) 4.00, 9.15

FORTHCOMING FILMS: NEW IN TOWN, SURVEILLANCE, NOTORIOUS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Young Victoria

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 10

Saturday 14

NORTH FACE (12A) 11am THREE MONKEYS (15) 1.00, 7.00 THE CLASS (15) 4.00, 9.30

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 11.00pm FLUSHED AWAY (U) 11.00am BRONSON (18) 4.00, 8.30 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 2.00, 6.00

NORTH FACE (12A) 11.00am THREE MONKEYS (15) 1.30, 7.00 THE CLASS (15) 4.00, 9.30

Thursday 12 THE CLASS (15) 3.30, 9.00 THREE MONKEYS (15) 1.30, 7.00

Friday 13 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 2.00, 9.15 BRONSON (18) 4.00, 6.30 BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFRED GARCIA (18) 11.00pm

Sunday 15 BRAZIL (15) 6.00 BRONSON (18) 4.00, 9.00 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 1.30

Monday 16 BRONSON (18) 3.30, 8.30 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 1.30, 6.00 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 10

Thursday 12

BOLT 3D (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 6.25 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.20, 3.10, 6.10, 9.00 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 8.50 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.30, 3.20, 6.20, 9.10 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 12.40, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20 THE UNBORN (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.40 WATCHMEN (18) 12.50, 4.20, 8.00

BOLT 3D (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 6.25 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 12.00, 3.00. 5.50, 8.30 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.20, 3.10, 6.10, 9.00 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.40, 3.40, 6.15, 8.50 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.30, 3.20, 6.20, 9.10 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 9.20 THE UNBORN (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.40 WATCHMEN (18) 12.50, 4.20, 8.00

Wednesday 11 BOLT 3D (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 6.25 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 9.20 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.20, 3.10, 6.10, 9.00 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.40, 3.40, 6.15, 8.50 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.30, 3.20, 6.20, 9.10 THE UNBORN (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.40 WATCHMEN (18) 12.50, 4.20, 8.00

Films showing Friday 13–Monday 16 FORTHCOMING FILMS: NEW IN TOWN, SURVEILLANCE, NOTORIOUS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 10

Saturday 14

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 2.30

PENELOPE (U) 10.15

Tues 10–Thurs 12

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

DOUBT (15) (Tues, Wed) 8.00, (Thurs) 2.00

What’s on this week

Thursday 12

Wednesday 11

L7 lowdown

The Young Victoria (PG) Dir: Jean-Marc Vallée With a producer that’s an ex royal (Sarah Ferguson) you’d be forgiven for thinking that this was all about Royal bashing. Nothing of the sort. Emily Blunt’s strong portrayal of a princess and then Queen fighting for her own will and her romance with Prince Albert is sympathetic to the humanity of the difficulties she faces. Fab but not stuffy period fare. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Gran Torino (15) Dir: Clint Eastwood Back in Dirty Harry hard man mode, Clint stars and directs this piece about a Korean veteran turning local hero when a neighbourhood kid tries to steal his 1972 Gran Torino. There are far, far better things than gangs – so says the Eastwood. Nice twist at the end, this is what would have happened if Dirty Harry had grown old with a white picket fence. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Watchmen (18) Dir: Zack Snyder Based on the mega successful graphic novels high hopes and great expectations are on the shoulders of this bad boy. Based in an alternative 1985, with costumed vigilantes the norm, a group of superheroes come together to investigate the death of one of their own. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Bronson (18) Dir: Nicolas Winding Refn Biopic of the infamous British career inmate Charles Bronson, formerly known as Michael Peterson of Aberystwyth. Starring Tom Hardy (RocknRolla) and Brightonians Matt King and James Lance as his boxing promoter and art teacher, this tells a story of a man that has spent more time inside than out, 30 years of which was solitary confinement. Showing at Duke Of York’s

The Unborn (15) Dir: David S. Goyer It’s a twin thang. Protagonist Casey (Odette Yustman) is hit on the head with a mirror by a neighbourhood kid only to find her eyes changing colour. A brief visit to the doc reveals that this is because she was once a twin, with her brother never making it to birth. As dreams plague her she comes to believe she is being haunted by a dybbuk, somehow connected to her family and to its history of twins. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Confessions of a Shopaholic (12A) Dir: P.J. Hogan Chick flick and rom-com combine to bring this British chick lit bestseller to the big screen starring Isla Fisher (The Wedding Crashers) as the wannabe fashion writer humbugging it up as a finance agony aunt. Dealing with an escalating debt, not unfamiliar in these times, with a girly giggly prat-falling twist. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing

Three Monkeys (15) Dir: Nuri Bilge Ceylan Coming from France, Italy and Turkey, and with Ceylan named Best Director at the 2008 Cannes Film Festival this is truly an international and universal tale. A family made up of a father, mother and son conspire to block out failings in each other that should, in truth, tear them asunder. Taking their cue from the three monkeys who heard, saw and spoke no evil. Showing at Duke Of York’s Wendy & Lucy (15) Dir: Kelly Reichardt Michelle Williams performs the subtle low-fi role of Wendy in this tale of struggle and isolation. When her car breaks down during her long journey to Alaska, and her dog, Lucy, goes missing, Wendy finds herself alone, low on funds and falling through one tough situation into another. A delicately constructed picture underpinned by self-determination. Showing at Duke Of York’s

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FILM 29

Tough talking Matt King talks to Victoria Nangle about his new British film Bronson, as well as touching on his role in Inkhart ronson isn’t like Chopper at all, except that it’s all about a man who’s spent a lot of his life in prison,” says Matt King, one of the stars of this independent film biopic, telling the story of British jailbird Charles Bronson. Born Michael Peterson, Bronson’s name was changed by his fight promoter in 1987, and the reason many are comparing the biopic of the man to Eric Bana’s biopic of the infamous Australian convict Chopper is that he has spent 34 years of his 57-year life at her majesty’s pleasure, with thirty of those in solitary confinement. He’s even a published author, of fitness book Solitary Fitness, detailing how to stick to an individual fitness regime with minimal resources and space. He is ripe for a British biopic. “The film has more...” King reaches. “More poetry in it.” And this King credits to the movie’s director, Denmark’s Nicolas Winding Refn.

“B

“He has spent 34 years of his 57-year life at her majesty’s pleasure – thirty in solitary”

“Don’t get me wrong, Chopper is one of my favourite films, but when we were filming I could just see that Tom [Hardy, playing Bronson] was doing more than we could have imagined. The violence was only a part of this. Really, it’s a journey inside one man’s mind.” As King’s second movie, he’s hit the ground running, starting his illustrious movie career in this year’s children’s fantasy success Inkhart.

“Inkhart was a big-budget movie where I spent five months filming in northern Italy with Helen Mirren, Jim Broadbent and Paul Bettany – all of these people that I really admire,” he remembers. “It was a fabulous experience. My character was a dick who pushed Helen Mirren around a bit. Bronson was completely different. Filming in Nottingham on a budget with men really beating the crap out of each other.” A contrast he clearly values. Both films are also a part of a journey he is taking in his acting career. Known primarily for his comedy acting so far, particularly his parts in Bafta awardwinning television shows Peep Show and Star Stories, this is a part of a concerted decision. “I did stand-up comedy for 13 years and that was sort of my apprenticeship. I learnt how to perform, improvise – all the things you need to be able to do to act. All with this in mind. Now I’m learning more.” He pauses. “I want to be an actor when I grow up,” he teases. Asked whether he’ll be visiting the local stand-up clubs in his new hometown of Brighton he shys away. “I am never seeing another stand-up again in my life.” is his emphatic response. “I’ve seen enough to fill a lifetime.” Even when I try to tempt him with Eddie Izzard’s tour dates later this year he won’t budge, despite an admitted huge respect for Izzard’s work. “I love Brighton but I’ve only been here a month so I can’t wait to explore it more. It’s so good to go up onto the Downs and experience the countryside. We do it two or three times a week.” When I ask him about the Duke of York”s cinema, where he will be taking a Q & A following a screening of Bronson he admits he hasn’t the chance to go in yet. “I’ve walked past it though and it looks fantastic. Is it that good inside too?” I assure him it is and recommend the sofas in the balcony area. “I don’t think I’ll have to reserve seats,” he reminds me patiently. “Yeah, I’d like to book two tickets for me and Tom Hardy to see Bronson,” he chuckles. Screening and Q&A with Matt King and director Nicolas Winding Refn, Duke of York‘s, Friday 13 March, 6.30pm.

Win a luxury night at the Duke of York’s Win a luxury cinema night for two with a free glass of wine or a soft drink watching a film of your choice at Duke of York‘s cinema. Come and enjoy the luxury sensation of their balcony. Slink into sumptuous comfort in the two or three-seater sofas, large armchairs or plush cinema seats, all with tables for drinks and snacks, extra leg room and fantastic sightlines. Subject to availability. Proof of age may be required to access film.

To win this week’s tickets, simply answer this question: What is Charles Bronson’s real name? Send your answer with your name, address and phone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk, putting Bronson in the subject line, or write to us at the address on page three. Closing date: Monday 23 March.

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30 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle loves the new comedy punters, but would ask one teensy favour...

here’s an abundance of new act nights in Brighton and East Sussex now. Long live the wonderful support brought to our vibrant comedy scene by these generous proprietors! Venues are opening their doors to new acts, and the comedy community is reaping the benefit – both as participants and punters. And as a semi-regular participant and a very regular punter there’s something that’s caught my attention. Newbie comedy audiences. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that more people are venturing out to support comedy. Explore further afield and you’ll find at least a couple of new ones every week. My problem is with what could be seen as the selfish parent at a primary school recital. Those folk tempted out by the prospect of supporting their mate from work, the gym, that fetish night that they can’t make it out to now because the babysitter won’t stay that late anymore. These people are truly excellent support – they will whoop and applaud and feel a warm pride for this person they only know tenuously. And then chatter at varying volumes throughout the other acts.

“... the inner librarian grabs the controls in my behaviour and I’m making more ‘Shhh’ noises than a mountain biker with a slow puncture” Please don’t do this. It’s a rudeness that’s happened for an infinity in the music arena. These other acts are also new and are entitled to support. Plus, I can’t stress how annoying this is for the rest of the audience. Suddenly the inner librarian grabs the controls in my behaviour patterns and I’m making more ‘Shhh’ noises than a mountain biker with a slow puncture. I want to hear what every act has to say. A lively environment is great and adds to the general anarchic ambience great comedy cultivates. A quiet conversation at the back of the room, like you used to do in double maths is not anarchic. It’s annoying. Simply step outside if it’s that important. A friend of mine had a massive whispered row with his girlfriend at the back of a gig I was playing once. After it became clear the last word was never going to be ‘shhh’ they took it outside and he missed my set. To be honest, I didn’t mind. It’s not the kind of support I was looking for.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “I’ve been reading the prequel to Hamlet – Piglet.” Dan Antopolski

Magic garden by Sally MacGill

Screen test Head to Pelham House for workshops with artists The lovely Pelham House is the location for Artizan Editions printmakers exhibition. Among those exhibiting include Maria Kuipers, Sally McGill, Brian Rice, John Simpson, and the Hungarian printmaker Nagy Sandor Zoltan whose etchings are on exhibition for the first time in the UK. Artizan Editions are screenprint workshops working in direct collaboration with artists, whereby limited edition prints are all originals as opposed to being a signed reproduction. Artizan Editions, Pelham House, Lewes, until 29 April.

Art listings Bellis Gallery 8-9 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 747429 Patrick O’Donnell New work from this gifted local artist whose work embraces the figurative, and sometimes the apocalyptic. Intense, yet radiant. •Mon, Wed–Sat 10.30am–6.30pm, Sun 11.30am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

Comedy listings Thursday 12

Friday 13

Top Banana New acts and local talent pool the latest in Brighton's comedy scene. Cella (at Sanctuary), 8pm, £5 Old Rope Be the first to hear new jokes from established comics. Komedia, 7pm, £8.50/6.50.

The Treason Show Catch-up on the juiciest happenings in politics, sport and popular culture with this gag-a-minute sketch show. Also showing on Saturday. Komedia, 6:30pm, £13.50/11.50 St Leonards Improv Comedy Club The headliner will be Nat Luurtsema. Nat was finalist in Funny Women 2007. Nat will

be supported by Catie Wilkins, Gainne Maquire, Steve LeSqueeze and other circuit regulars and local newcomers. Rooms Cafe Bar, 8pm, £5/4

Saturday 14 Krater Comedy Club Top weekend comedy from Steve Gribbin, Keith Farnan and more. MC Dan Atkinson. Komedia, 7pm & 10:30pm, £16.50.

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived. •Until 26 April Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years and include

modern, local, international and historical works. •Until 13 April

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea, 01424 229111 William Furlong Anthem continues Furlong’s use of the voice and sound as the primary materials of his work where he makes original recordings of individuals in specific places. •Until 15 March, Mon–Sun 10am–6pm

Artizan Editions Exhibition of printmakers from Artizan Editions plus Hungarian printmaker Nagy Sandor Zoltan, exhibiting for the first time in the UK. Until 29 April,

Tin Drum St James’s St, Brighton Greg Sturges Photography, acrylics and mixed media are usd by Greg, making images of his home town. Until 20 March, Mon-Wed 10am-11pm, Thurs-Sat 10am-1am, Sun 10-10.30pm

Crane Kalman 38 Kensington Gardens, Brighton 01273 697096 Cream Selection of work 10 talents currently studying at universities and colleges throughout the country •Until 15 March, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm, Sun 10.30am–4.30pm

Pelham House St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes 01273 488600

University of Brighton Gallery Grand Parade, Brighton 01273 643010 From Art School to University: Art and Design at Brighton 1859-2009 Bringing together work from artists and designers associated with the university, celebrating the founding of the original school of art 150 years ago. •Until 14 March, Mon–Sat 10am–5pm

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Events Highlights & prizes!

Write club John O’Donoghue reads A Ghost in My House, the first collection from local poet Lorna Thorpe orna Thorpe is as Brighton as the sea. She was born here for starters, and her dad ran a pub, the kind of place I can imagine a fair few Mods piling into in the 60s. Not that he’d have stood any nonsense: he sounds like he could have handled the Mods – and the Rockers – all by himself. I mention him because A Ghost in My House, Lorna Thorpe’s first collection, is dedicated to his memory. Her ‘Dancing to Motown’, from Pighog Press, was a Poetry Book Society Pamphlet Choice – a bit like going to Number 1 with your first single – so I couldn’t wait for the album.

L Win! Tickets to see In The Night Garden The Duke of York’s Picturehouse have teamed up with Latest 7 to offer youngsters the chance to see a special big screening of the popular kids show In The Night Garden. Created by Andy Davenport and Anne Wood, who last collaborated on Teletubbies, the show is based in a magical picture-book place that exists between waking and sleeping in a child’s imagination. Words, rhymes and music carry young viewers through a happy world of loveable characters. Introduce your child to the big screen with their favourite characters, including Iggle Piggle. Four episodes will be screening at The Duke of York’s over a two-week period. We have two pairs of family tickets (two adults and two children) valid for any screening between Friday 20 March and Thursday 2 April (see www.picturehouses.co.uk for full listings). For the chance to win, tell us: Who created In The Night Garden? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Kids comp’ in the subject

box. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 17 March.

Mad Hatter’s Market

“Any book that starts: ‘Bombed on Tuinal and Newcastle Brown’ was always going to get my attention”

It’s all a bit mad down Brighton Marina as the Mad Hatter’s Market takes over every Saturday and Sunday this month. Popular lore says the Sussex Square tunnel that leads to Black Rock inspired Lewis Carroll’s famous story Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland – hence the Mad Hatter theme. Offering an eclectic mix of over 80 stalls both indoors and out, this is the perfect place to browse for that unusual gift (think Mother’s Day). Try tempting cheeses, cakes and nuts, find locally made jewellery and clothing and buy unique gifts and children’s toys. Between 11am and 4pm, follow the white rabbit signs to the live music stage and watch entertainers singing and dancing throughout the day. Don’t miss out! The Mad Hatter’s March Market takes place every Saturday and Sunday throughout March at Brighton Marina.

Any book that starts: “Bombed on Tuinal and Newcastle Brown,/Mad Eddie steams into our room…” was always going to get my attention. The poem is about coming of age in the 70s, of finding your way from being Daddy’s girl to Richard’s girlfriend. From a time when “Everything is changing – decimalisation/bricks in the Tate, A Clockwork Orange” – to now, she asks what’s it like to be a woman in a world men think is theirs? To be wooed by “The most beautiful man on Spetse”, Narcissus in a Greek disco; to confide in a stranger “The remastered greatest hits of my heart”; to say hello to “The woman you’re falling in love with,/the one we’re both dying to meet.” The book is divided into three sections, and the second section goes from her old man showering his daughters with his winnings, to him running a book from his deathbed. It’s a heartbreaking sequence, not least because of her father’s darker aspects. And then, just when you think that’s it, these lines in Part III: “Bank Holiday Sunday I died,/a congested artery closing, shutting off/my heart.” Her way back to life from the “feathered rest” of death is full of blood and bruises, strange echoes of what’s come before … It’s a brilliant book, as tender at Otis Redding, as raw as Janis Joplin. And as life-affirming as ‘Dancing to Motown’. Every bedsit, every shared house, every home, should have A Ghost in My House. A Ghost in My House, Lorna Thorpe, Arc Publications, £11.99hardback/£8.99paperback, visit www.arcpublications.co.uk.

Events listings

Book listings

Wednesday 11

Thursday 12

Friday 13

Friday 13 March

Teenspirit Youth music project Calling young singersongwriters who would like to play a gig at Concorde 2 in April! There are auditions for acoustic acts of any style. Under-16s only. For an application email ctaylor@blatchingtonmill.org.uk Or call 01273 736244 x229 www.blatchingtonmill.org.uk /performingarts. Blatchington Mill School, 5pm

19th Sussex Beer & Cider Festival (CAMRA) Annual festival. Try real ales and delicious ciders. Hove Centre, 11am–3pm & 5pm–11pm, £3.50/3. Also Fri and Sat. Brighton to India – Charity Event Fundraiser with the Tiger Team, raising money for the slum kids of India. Live bands and raffle. Hanbury Club, 7:30pm, £10.

Tough Love Belly Dance Dance performance – more info at www.hildebellydance.co.uk Sallis Benney, 7:30pm, £8.

Jeremy Paxman In his book The Victorians, Jeremy Paxman offers his personal take on the most important and influential period of our national past, using the paintings of the era as his starting point. Presented by City Books. The Old Market. 6.30pm, £6, includes a glass of wine.

Saturday 14 Unwrap Paintings Through Creative Writing Explore how creative writing enhances visual work. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 10am–1pm, £60/50. Call 0300 0290902.

Coming up Tuesday 17 March Joan Bakewell City Books presents Joan Bakewell, who will be discussing her new book All The Nice Girls. This captures the danger and excitement of wartime Britain. A romantic wartime novel. The Old Market, 6:30pm, £6 includes a glass of wine.

Friday 20 March Martyn Waites Tight Lip present their special guest, author Martyn Waites, presenting his new book Speak No Evil. The Permanent Gallery, 7.45pm, £tbc

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32 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

news

Brighton Festival The Brighton Festival recently launched their programme for May 2009 on Brighton Pier. Latest 7 jumped in lways aiming to instigate one-off and special musical events within the annual May Brighton Festival, Guy Morley and team have come up with another superb programme of music. From the avant-garde torch singer Diamanda Galas to the beautifully bleak acoustic sounds of Bon Iver, there’s a wide-ranging programme of music across many genres, and crisscrossing many territories of the world. Folk of the purest kind is what June Tabor is known for, but for the Festival she will be performing two concerts that will display her more adventurous side, firstly by joining forces with jazz musicians Iain Ballamy and How Warren under the name Quercus, and then the following night she’ll be joined by her current touring band for a selection of songs that mix social history, medieval French ballads and English folk. Brighton’s loose-knit community of musicians and bands turned record label Wilkommen Collective are organising three gigs as part of the Festival. Sons of Noel and Adrian’s orchestral folk sound headline the first event, while Leisure Society and Laish Quartet headline the second and third events respectively. In recent years Cuban music has been a fertile ground for the Brighton Festival, and this time the magnificent dance band Orquesta Aragon celebrate 70 years since their initial formation with a concert featuring its big band format that includes strings, flute, piano and percussion. Aragon’s big band format made a lasting impression in Africa, and the traditional rhythms of the continent were fused with

A ▲

Ace Ace, guitarist with 90s rock band Skunk Anansie is back on the airwaves with the relaunch of his Juice FM radio show. The Ace New Music Show follows on from the Damo and Ace Show he co-hosted with Damian Keyes, one of the directors of BIMM. In true musical fashion he’s gone solo, but the emphasis will still be on new music from Brighton and beyond, from established acts and unknown bands. If you have a record or demo that you would like Ace to consider then please send it to: Juice 107.2FM, 170 North Street, Brighton BN1 1EA.

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Beachdown More acts have been added to the bill including Grace Jones and Icelandic pop queen Ida Maria, who will be joining Super Furry Animals, The Zutons, Saint Etienne, The Fall, Grandmaster Flash and Sugarhill Gang in headlining the four-day bash that takes place on the Bank Holiday weekend at the end of August. Visit www.beachdownfestival.com.

the

Big gig Doves One of the finest bands of recent times return to Brighton to promote a new album. Tuesday 16 April, Brighton Dome.

Cuba’s Latin melodies. The rumba Congolaise sound came out of this, and the guitarist Mose Fan Fan will head up a tenpiece line-up of rumba veterans, making up a fantastic double-header at this special Brighton Festival gig The festival wil also host its usual series of lunchtime concerts featuring artists spanning classical, jazz, world and folk music, and there is another exceptional programme of classical music including John Adams: Harmonium, which features the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, Brodsky Quartet and Brighton Festival Chorus. The Brighton Festival programme is out or visit www.brightonfestival.org.

UPCOMING GIGS Tunng & Tinariwen 18 March, De La Warr Lily Allen 20 March, Brighton Dome Goldie Lookin’ Chain 23 March, Concorde 2 Rumble Strips 24 March, Komedia Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 Mr Hudson 25 March, Hanbury The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Nick Harper 28 March, Latest MusicBar Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Brighton Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Brighton Dome PJ Harvey 15 April, Corn Exchange Bat For Lashes 16 April, Corn Exchange Doves 16 April, Brighton Dome Gary Moore 17 April, Brighton Dome

The Rakes 21 April, Concorde 2 Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, Brighton Centre Gallows 2 May, Concorde 2 Art Brut 6 May, Concorde 2 Great Escape 14–16 May Bon Iver 18 May, Brighton Dome Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Antony & The Johnsons 21 May, B’ton Dome Katy Perry 2 June, Brighton Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Brighton Dome Loop 11/12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28–31 August Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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BARS & CLUBS 33

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 10 to Monday 16 March

Tuesday 10

Emiliana Torrini

My Federation

Kensingtons + Fearless Heroes + Welfare Mothers Alternative indie rock. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £3 Phantomville + Videodrome + support Puttingthe A into Avant Garde. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc The Noisettes Sleek punk pop steeped in soul, dizzy on disco and harking back to the days of blues and jazz greats. Komedia, 7.30pm, £7

Wednesday 11 Brigitte DeMeyer + Two Fingers of Firewater Folk singer plays songs from her latest album. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £12/10 Just Jack The Camden boy turns it on in town. Audio, 7pm, £tbc Smallgods + Wanderdown + The Level Low fi rock. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc Transformer + Theprjctmyhm + AK/DK Future disco heroes in the making launch party for new single. Hanbury Club, 8pm, £6/5

Thursday 12 Deal was for the Diamond + Appi + Bagdad Country Club Retro electric psychedelic fourpiece. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Brighton Live The best of local talent showcasing. Ocean Rooms, 8pm, £5/3 Ben & Chris's Rickshaw Run (Fundraiser) Carly Bryant – Brighton based singer-song writer DJs Kathy Diamond, Daddy Marcus & Whitney Spears. Hanbury Club, 7pm–2am, £10

Friday 13 Sweet Hove Chicago & Dancefloors Fillas Rock’n’roll, funk and blues. Latest Music Bar, upstairs, 9pm, £5 Hauschka + Sarah Nicholls Experimental piano music, Sarah Nicholls covering sick John Nichols. De La Warr Pavilion, £10 My Federation + Carter Brown + the Fatigue Uplifting rock Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Malarki + Astrophysics + Guerilla Audio + TBC Battle of the bands semi-final The Providence, 8pm, £1 Rum Boogie Contemporary rockin' blues and boogie. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, free. Swing Set with The Ukes of Hazzard and The Burlettes SwingSet have brought together two fab bands for your toe-tapping pleasure. Turn up in a vintage outfit and win a bottle of bubbly. Hanbury Ballroom, 7pm–2am £8/10 (after 9pm). £8 for 40s/50s dress Rod Thomas Folk disco from cool Welsh kid.. Freebutt, £tbc. Contact venue for details.

Saturday 14

The city’s hottest live music and party venue

latest

musicbar

Alike Cooper Alice Cooper tribute band return. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £8 Civilian Coldplay's ‘emotional splendour‘ meets Feeder's ‘fast-action melodic crash‘. Well, we’ll see eh? Freebutt, £tbc.

Deadbeat Decendant + guests Loud crashing sounds. Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc. Hot Leg The latest project from legendary Darkness singer Justin Hawkins. But is he still in spandex? Concorde 2, 7pm, £11 adv. Jane McDonald What a gal…Much loved singer, Loose Women host and star of The Cruise. Cheaper if you buy from the Brighton Centre! Brighton Centre, 7:30pm, £22.50/19.50. Seeker + Rich Somers + Rachel’s Last Dance Funky Rock.The Providence, 8pm, £1 The Psychedelic Circus + Bruise Contemporary twist on music from the 1960s groove rock & soul. Latest Music Bar, 8pm. Emiliana Torrini + Island Line Icelandic born Brighton resident Emiliana Torrini returns to showcase her eclectic influences St George's Church, 7:30pm, £14.50/12.50

Sunday 15

The Noisettes Three-piece led by the charismatic Shingai Shoniwa whose debut album, What’s The Time Mr Wolf, didn’t do as well as expected. New album Wild Young Hearts is a much more polished, melodic affair, a conscious effort to reach to the mainstream. One of the best live band around, hopefully they’ll get more credit for their music which is at times blistering and full of hooks. Tuesday 10 March, Komedia

Chasing Tomorrow + For Love and Hate Screaming & singing. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5 Emily Barker & The Red Clay Halo + The Beautiful Word Australian alt country. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/4 Mary Hampton + Sleepingdog Melodramatic folk.Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc

Transformer Excellent and popular local electronic dance outfit capable of doing it in a live setting. They’ll be launching new single ‘Cinema Car’ along with PJCT MYHM and AK/DK. Where disco meets new wave. Wednesday 11 March, Hanbury

Monday 16 Jumping Ships + Goldheart Assembly + Maura Kincaid + Clayton Strange Rough Rough Trade breakthrough bands night. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £3/2 or The Greys, 8pm, £9 The Brute Chorus Offering a psyched-out garage-folk of dirty, scuzzy guitar licks and a mixed bag of accompanying instruments. Think Violent Femmes. Freebutt, £tbc Patrick O’Donnell

Brigitte deMeyer & Al Perkins + Two Fingers of Firewater Expect some truly authentic and sublime country flavours from Brigette deMeyer and her band that includes the infamous Al Perkins on pedal steel. From mellow balladry to bouncing rockabilly, DeMeyer has worked with some of the best in the business including Steve Earle and Daniel Lanois. British americana and country act Two Fingers Of Firewater are in support. Wednesday 11 March, Latest Music Bar

Emiliana Torrini Icelandic born, Brighton-based songstress who came to notice as the co-writer of Kylie Minogue’s ‘Slow’. A superb presence on the stage, Torrini’s wide musical palette takes in Lily Allen type pop-ska, acoustic folk, bluesy pop and offbeat indie. Recent album, Me and Armini, is another great work. Saturday 14 March, St George’s Church Emily Barker & The Red Clay Halo + Beautiful Word Aussie Emily Barker is a writer and singer of gorgeous folk roots inflected songs and with her band The Red Clay Halo whose songs are realised into something very beautiful indeed. Barker has writen and performed two albums with Boo Herwedine, but with this band the sound and feel suggest the likes of Portishead, Martha Wainwright and Emmylou Harris. Beautiful Word are a local acoustic-folk act. Sunday 15 March, Latest Music Bar Pure Reason Revolution Part of the new wave of prog rock, bursting on the scene with the 12 minute ‘Bright Ambassador of Morning’ single, a name taken from Pink Floyd, which says it all. Apparently their dreamy classic prog rock sound is currently being embellished with a more gritty electronic funk sound. Monday 16 March, Audio

musicbar manager we are looking for an experienced, responsible and hardworking person to manage this busy music venue reporting to the owners. must be an energetic bar manager with lots of ideas to increase turnover; good at managing staff, musicians and DJs and brilliant with the public.

must be prepared to work and enjoy late hours on fridays and saturdays until around 3–4am. this is a fantastic opportunity for someone wanting to run a busy music and popular arts venue. ring angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk

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34 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases t’s perhaps a little too easy to write off The Prodigy just yet what with the new generation of banging techno dance merchants such as Pendulum. But you see, Pendulum are near as dammit coffee table muzak, while the original hardcore nutters/performance artists The Prodigy were always much more than music-bynumbers. Liam Howlett harks back to the glory days of the rave generation with Invaders Must Die, applying the punk aesthetic and coming up trumps with a proper album that hardly has a weak point. Revivalism, eh? Don’t you just love it? Yes, when talents such as Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson can evoke a certain period, a certain style without being beholden to it. No, when it comes to a bunch of odd kids [Black Lips] who just can’t get enough crackly vinyl, distorted recording sounds, Roky Erickson and the whole psychedelic garage scene of the USA back in 1965 to 1967. It’s weird, isn’t it, how people can become so besotted, so utterly awe struck (that they end up copying note for note, word for word) about a time and era they can only imagine. Unbelievably, 200 Million Thousand is their fifth album… Another superb Canadian band alert! This time Wintersleep who are leaping into the public frame thanks to a brilliant new album Welcome To The Night Sky. Belying their name somewhat, this Nova Scotia outfit make intense, melodic, dynamic and, most importantly, uplifting music. From the more literate end of the indie rock spectrum. The King Blues have been throwing musical spanners into the works, creating a buzz for their sub-Clash/Levellers/Streets hybrid. Not nearly as radical as all the above, there is a strong ‘pop’ sheen throughout Save The Word/Get The Girl, epitomised by the strangely disinfected lyrics. It’s as if they (or their musical masters) are holding the boys on a short leash. Things get really bad on the string-fuelled sub Streets schmaltz of ‘Underneath This Lamppost Light.’ From the wilds of Bedfordshire and on Shoreham-based Longman Records, Terry Emm’s White Butterflies debut album is a very gentle, spacious and almost hypnotising work of subtle beauty and grandeur. ‘Sapphire Eyes’, ‘Dove’, ‘The Evening Walk’, ‘Willow Talk’ and the title track more than hint at the gentle musical pastures Emm wishes to inhabit. Richard Durrant lends his considerable production and musical skills to the proceedings. Finally, Rachael Yamagata is a big new signing for Warner, and a surprising choice, as her downbeat, melancholic songs are sometimes quite fragile and stripped bare. However, behind the facade there’s plenty of slick production at work on Elephants, but usually for the benefit of the project, with strings and subtle effects dotted here and there. A name to look out for she has already shared stages with the likes of Pete Townsend, Aimee Mann and Damian Rice.

★

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Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf ★ 2 Thunk – Micromophone 3 N-D-E – Incredible Machine. 4 The Woo!worths – Konichiwa 5 Chaos Borne – Watching 6 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 7 The Mojo Fins – Always Now 8 Caramel Jack – Curtain 9 Mr Resonate – Say What You Mean 10 Freudstein – Sister Sleaze Sliding up one place to claim the top spot are Frunt, Bak & Nutz with ‘The Rites Of Wolf’. Meanwhile NDE make a crashing return to the top ten at five with beatastic ‘Incredible Machine’ while beating funk bassists Thunk climb to two with ‘Micromophone’. Melodic Interpol-tinged rockers The Mojo Fins slip three to number seven and the dark dance of Chaos Borne sticks at five. 11 tenek If I Should Fall (EP version) 12 Chaos Borne The Moment 13 Swarf Parlour Tricks 14 BreakinBear Breeze 15 Mr Resonate All that im not 16 R21 Proved You Wrong 17 Jaybee Sweet Savage 18 sMs I'm Sorry Dave 19 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 20 Stupid Kid With You 21 Glitters From Billy Holiday 22 The Beautiful Word Golden Box 23 Villareal We Must Stop Meeting Like This 24 Without Warrant Stop The Machines 25 Digitalis No Control

26 tenek State Of Mind 27 Millsy Slug Music My Giddy Aunt 28 Sweet Violentine Eva B 29 The Mighty Rivals Arise 30 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts 31 The Mystic Wizards The Vulture Song 32 Friday Night Hero Our Time 33 Chris T-T A-Z 34 Jonny Loves House Care About Your Love 35 St.Michel Remedy 36 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 37 Dear Jon. On Your Side 38 Go Johnny Go Ebbenflow 39 Friday Night Hero Outside 40 The Pulse Used In Part

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BARS & CLUBS 35

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 10 to Monday 16 March

Tuesday 10 Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge We Luv 90s. Classic 90s anthems. 10:30pm, 90p New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! Uncompromising quality pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Tru Bandwagon.Student 10pm–2:30am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions.11pm–4am, £2/free.

Komedia Balkaneasca. Mix of brass-heavy Gypsy Beats, plus live musicians. 11pm, £6/5 New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms Love Lockdown. DJs; Deja Vu, Sin Star and Show ‘n’ Prove. 11pm–4am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’roll indie anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Skint. Playing funky house, R’n’B and disco hits. 10pm–2am, free b4 11/3 after. Volks Carbon. Brighton's leading underground D'n'B session. 11pm–6am, £5 b4 12

Wednesday 11

Saturday 14

Arc Life is Easy. 10pm, £1/free. Audio Supercharged. 11pm–2:30am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live NME bands & DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’nB, Hip Hop, Dance Hall & Funky House. 10pm–3am, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. 80s electro. 11pm–3am, £tbc.

Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Floorplay. Winter warming dance 10:30pm-4am, £10–7. Blow The Afterparty. Tech & electro. 3am–9am, £7–4 Concorde 2 Supercharged.11pm–4am, £10 Engine Rooms Punk Karaoke. 10pm–3am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funkyfish. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5 Komedia Brighton Rock.11pm, £8/6 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house from all over the world. 8pm–4am, free b4 11/6 after. New Hero It Is Still1985. 10pm, £3 Ocean Rooms The Fiesta. Music for your senses with Pablo Decod er. 11pm–8am, £8/6 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam, Alternative Dance. 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, funky house and commercial. 10pm–3am, £10/5 The Fiddler's Elbow St Patrick's Day Street Party. 12pm-1am, free. The Hanbury Club We Luv Pop. 7pm-2am, £8/6 Tru Glitterbaby. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Volks Bear Bashment. Jungle, garage & vocal house. 11pm-4am, £6/3 Water Margin Urban Junkie. Classic House. 10pm–3am, free b4 12

Thursday 12 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Them. Weekly Dubstep and Grime. 10:30pm–3am, free. Digital Thursday Club Presents Vagabondz. Dubstep allstar. Hatcha. 11pm–3:30am, £7 Funky Buddha Lounge Double R Records. hip hop, R’n’B and Bassline trax. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 The Hope Brap FM. Everything from Downtempo to Techno! 8pm–2am, free. New Hero Pop Kraft. Primary pop overload with the fabulous Boogaloo Stu. 10pm–2am, £2 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Water Margin Love Lockdown. DJs, Show ‘n’ Prove. 7:30pm, ladies free

Friday 13 2 One One Lollipop. R’n’B and hip hop. 11pm–3am, free before 11.30pm Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s night. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Suicide Dance. Electro D'n'B DJ, John B. 11pm–4am, £tba. Brighton Coalition Freak Bazaar 10:30pm–6am, £10/8 Concorde 2 Freebass. Brighton's heaviest free party. 11pm–4am, free. Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative.11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Release. Funky house, soulful & R’n’B. 11pm–6am, free b4 12/£5 after. Funky Fish The Funkyfish.10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Kidology. Uplifting and bass-driven house. 11pm–4am, £7.50-5

Freak Bazaar After the highly successful party in January, Freak Bazaar return with more funkin' groovy underground Trance, Progressive, Psychedelic Electronica, Downtempo, Ethnic, Balkan and Dub. Plus retina blasting twisting decor and liquid projections from Somethin' Groovy. Friday 13 March, Brighton Coalition Brighton Rock The foundation of rock on the South Coast! Brighton’s only classic rock night for the hardcore metal heads. Rock out to heavy riffs and monster guitar solos without a hint of skinny jean-clad crooners or bouncy pop-punk. Saturday 14 March, Komedia

Supercharged A party rocking set with breakbeat hero, Krafty Kuts. Masterfully demonstrating his trademark cutting and scratching of electro and hip hop influenced beats. Plus Dynamite MC takes to the stage. Saturday 14 March, Concorde 2 St. Patrick’s Day Street Party Boyce’s Street morphs into street party capers as it closes for the day. Expect traditional Irish food, BBQ and an outdoor bar. Plus live music from 2pm with an eclectic mix of Celtic rock, jazz and funk. as well as dancing from the pupils of Scoil Rince Ui Chiardha (Carey School of Irish Dancing). A Jolly good knees up I’d say. Saturday 14 March, The Fiddler’s Elbow

Brighton Rock

Sunday 15 Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. Knockin’ siesta Sundays into the past. 10pm–3am, £2/1 Po Na Na Sunday Social. Brighton's fetish club with DJ Dan Warb. 8pm–1am, £7/5 The Open House We Change The Frequency. 8pm, free.

Monday 16 Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm–3am, £3/free. Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit

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36 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

DiningDykes founder Jane Hamilton writes about why she started one of Brighton’s most successful LGBT social groups t was a night in the pub that led to me starting Dining Dykes. We were saying how great it'd be to have a group for gay women who wanted to meet other women away from the scene and go out for meals together. I really don’t think that my friends thought I was being serious when I said I’d start one and call it DiningDykes! Three years down the line, DiningDykes has more than 450 members – even more than the award-winning Brighton Lesbian and Gay Sports Society (BLAGS) – including celebrities like Amy Lamé, Zoe Lyons and Dulcie Danger. We have been out for dozens of meals, including our annual Christmas dinner. It’s not just about restaurants though, we’ve put on poker nights, music events, picnics, BBQs, speed dating, a charity treasure hunt, bowling, an adventure day and there is a business networking evening on the first Tuesday of every month. DiningDykes is a social, not a dating, group, although some members have met their partners through our events. We have lots of regulars and people coming for the first time – the events are really welcoming and not at all cliquey. One of the many things that makes DiningDykes unique is that while the age of members varies from 20s to 50s, the majority are in their 30s and 40s. There is no ‘type’; women come from a wide range of backgrounds – the only thing that they all have in common is that they're gay and wishing to meet like-minded women in an off-scene environment. DiningDykes works alongside its sister site GayGirlNet.com, the lesbian social networking site, where members can meet and talk to each other. Raising money for charity and being part of the lesbian community are important to me and so far we have raised more than £1,200 for good causes. The DiningDykes website has a directory of organisations relevant to the local community. Our third birthday party will be at Komedia on Friday 27 March with entertainment from Rosie Wilby, Julie Jepson and Nicky Mitchell, compered by Cat Harding from Up and Out on Radio Reverb. There will be a raffle with prizes including nights in hotels and meals for two in aid of Stonewall and sets from DJ Aquarius, DJ K, Dulcie Danger and DJ Smithy. £15/13, 7.30pm–3am. Doors open at 6pm. www.komedia.co.uk/brighton If you have any questions, contact me at DiningDykes@gmail.com

Momentum chalet, St Jean d’Aulps www.morzinemomentum.com

Prizes for Pride A stay in a luxury Alpine chalet is the top prize in this year’s Pride raffle. This is the first time that the festival has had its own raffle. Twenty thousand tickets have been printed and volunteers are out and about during Winter Pride this week selling them. Among the other great prizes donated by businesses are an afternoon of pampering at Champneys Brighton, Prada sunglasses from David Clulow, an appliance from Carters Domestic Appliances, a case of pink Barefoot Bubbly White Zinfandel wine and a meal for two every month for a year in 12 of Brighton’s fantastic local eateries. Lesley Burn, director of Pride, said: “We’re really grateful to everyone who has kindly donated prizes for the first official Pride raffle. Now we just need the people of Brighton and Hove to show their support by buying some tickets. All proceeds from the sale of the tickets go to Pride.” Tickets are £1 each and will be available in bars, hotels and shops throughout the summer Pride festival and until the grand draw on Monday 26 October. Winners’ names will be available on www.brightonpride.org, where you can find full listings for Winter Pride, which runs until Sunday 15 March. Winter Pride raises funds for the main free Pride festival in August in addition to raising funds and awareness for other charities and voluntary groups in the city.

LGBT at No. 10 Comedian Zoe Lyons was among celebrities and community workers invited to celebrate LGBT History month with the Prime Minister. Zoe was asked to a party at 10 Downing Street on Thursday, 5 March. The event had originally been scheduled to take place in February, LGBT history month, but was postponed by a week following the death of

the six-year-old son of David Cameron, Leader of the Opposition. Also at the reception were Harriet Harman, Minister for Women and Equality, Michael Cashman and gay rights campaigner and MEP. This is the first time the Prime Minister has held a reception for LGBT History month. The month was started in 2005 by the campaigning group Schools Out.

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LATEST GAY 37

Gay listings Tuesday 10 to Monday 16 March Tuesday 10 Amsterdam Musical Movie Night. 7pm, free. Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free. Charles Street Bar Fashion Show. 8:30pm. Ghetto Quiz Alicious & Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free. Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Free poker night. Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke. A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free. R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am. Revenge Payday. The official LGBT student bash! Dance anthems, funky house and filthy pop. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mills’s Music Night. Quiz from 9pm. Bar: 12pm, free. The Basement Scene Queen. Night for scene staff and students. 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 11 Amsterdam Winter Pride Student Karaoke. 7pm, £Donations to Pride. Charles Street Bar Lola Lasagne. A new spin on game shows retro and new. 10pm, free. Ghetto Transition. Rock, metal and 80s-tastic cheese! 10pm–2am, £2.50. Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10. Legends Gabbi’s Pride Bona Bingo. 9pm, £Donations to Pride. Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-House Darts League. 8pm, £3 to enter. Queen’s Arms The Q-Factor Heat 6 – Big Prize Money! Annual singing contest, sign up before 8:45pm. Bar open 12pm–1am, free. R-Bar Rush99. A 99p rush bar!12pm–2am, free. Revenge Rush150. Commercial dance and house. 10:30pm–3am, free before 12am/£2 after/free NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm. The Basement Play. Uplifting house and dance anthems with DJ Lil Alex. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 12 Amsterdam Dinners Not A Drag. Plus entertainment between courses. 8pm, £19.50. Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark pants. 8pm–11pm, £1. Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto HDSM. A night for the sexually hedonistic! Dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3. Legends Cabaret Lounge. 9:30pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open mic. 8pm. New Steine Bistro Winter Pride supper club, £25 with £15 to charity. Book in adv. 7.30pm. Queen's Arms Spice’s Nooks & Crannies! A Cabaret show with a difference. 9:30pm, free. R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin!. Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls on Top. Trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after. Spruce Grooming Pamper Yourself. Complimentary hand and nail treatments. 3pm–8pm, free. The Basement Box. Chart hit remixes, funky house and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

New Steine Bistro Musicals featuring Cherry Poppin. 8pm, £Donations to Pride. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks wristbands: £20! 9pm, free. R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. Trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top. 12pm–2am. Revenge Lollipop & Housexual. Pop tunes and funky vocal house upstairs. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5. The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop & handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free

Saturday 14 Amsterdam Winter Pride Seaside Horror. Enjoy ambient, non-intrusive sounds. 8pm–2am, free. Caroline of Brunswick Rocky Horror Night. Film screening with fancy dress prizes to be won. 9pm–2am, Donations to Pride. Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A blend of Gogo boys, feathered girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm-3am, £5/3. Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day.7pm. Marlborough Bar Jack Daniels Trail. 7pm, £2. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Musicals Concert. See Friday. 8pm, £Donations to Pride. Queen's Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin. Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free. R-Bar Kinky Baby. Kinky Dangerous warm-up from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3. The Basement Ignition. House and chart sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free. The PV at The Jury's Out Viva La Divas & Booty Call. 7pm, £Donations to Pride.

Sunday 15 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch (12–5:30pm) and relaxing vibes with a twist from 8pm, free. Charles Street Club The Queer Cheer Variety Show. Eclectic entertainment. 8:30pm, £7/4. Ghetto Sirens. Burlesque night with pole and lap dancing shows. 9pm, free. Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. With Davina Sparkle. 3:15pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Male To Female Social. By The Clare Project. 4pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre The Winter Pride Nude Swim. Return to the Marlborough for a well-earned roast! 10am, £2. The Basement Fever. Dripping in disco and pop remixes.11pm–4am, free.

Friday 13

Monday 16

Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am. Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz Pride Night. Playin’ indie recent and retro! 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Pimms Trail. Race to get your team of 2-6 players around 8 pubs, with a Pimms consumed at each pub. What O'Clock? 7pm, £2. Marlborough Bar & Theatre. Songs from the

Amsterdam Big Quiz. 7pm–11pm, £1 to enter. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks with mammoth drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50. Ghetto Frat Party. A chaotic mash-up of indie, electro and credible. 10pm, free. Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am. Marlborough Trans Night. 8:30pm, £2. R-Bar Miss Jason's Mad House. Cabaret night plus a Wii zone and free pool! 10pm, free. The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers.11pm–4am, free.

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38 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

3 – 9 MARCH

She says it how she sees it

Heston Blumenthal’s Feast Channel 4 Tuesdays 9pm n these four episodes Heston travels back in time, starting with the Victorian era and heading backwards through Tudor England, back further to medieval times before finishing with a Roman feast. The feasts are cooked for a group of brave celebrities, the first one being the Mad Hatters Tea Party. A Victorian feast based on a Victorian book, yum! Or not! If I was a celebrity there is no way I would ever accept an offer to eat one of Heston’s feasts, being a vegetarian doesn’t help but the fact that a majority of the food is made from things like fried eel, I don’t know many carnivores that would jump at the chance either. But regardless of how many times I sit squirming at what is being slaughtered, stuffed and made to be entirely edible I am still amazed by what this strange man’s imagination can create. You don’t just get a lesson in creative cooking, you get a history lesson to boot, which can be just as interesting as the food being laid on the plates, just as long as you can watch it and don’t continually have to hide the images on the screen by peering through the gaps in your hands that are covering your eyes! Heston really is that strange science kid that everyone knew at school, and, to me, he has succeeded where people like Jamie Oliver have failed, by making cooking cool, interesting and fun. Watching Heston’s shows will have you laughing with him as he experiments, as opposed to laughing at whoever Gordon Ramsey is being rude to and slapping his hands at. As far as TV chefs go, Heston is in a different league from the rest, and not necessarily because his cooking ability is better but because his technique is so very different. If you have managed to avoid anything concerning this slightly bizarre chap I suggest you watch an episode of this mini series as this is Heston at his best. There really is very little you can take from these to try at home, but luckily that is not the point of the show. The celebrities attending the feasts get to eat them, we get to have a feast for our eyes, and our heads, as half the time you are left thinking: “how on earth did he discover that if you freeze something and then pour liquid nitrogen on it and then cook it at 1,000 degrees for two hours do you end up with an edible butterfly?” I don’t enjoy watching people make food from the heads of animals, but I cannot deny that it is incredibly interesting and entertaining.

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 10

Arsenic and Old Lace ★★★★★ (1944, TCM, 5.05pm. Dir Frank Capra) This farcical comedy sees Cary Grant living with his elderly maiden aunts and engaged to his neighbourly best beloved. All couldn’t be cheerier, until his dastardly brother returns and the aunts turn out to be not quite as harmless as he first thought. Much mugging and greater fun.

WEDNESDAY 11 Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo ★★✩✩✩ (2005, Five, 10pm. Dir Ridley Scott) Rob Schneider returns as the man whore, coaxed reluctantly back when holidaying in Amsterdam his bessie mate gets mistaken for a gigolo serial killer. Under the covers to go undercover he goes, all in a bid to prove his friend innocent.

THURSDAY 12

The Wicker Man ★★★★✩ (1973, ITV1, 11.45pm. Dir Robin Hardy) The original and still the most freaky version as Edward Woodward finds himself investigating the disappearance of a girl in an insular island community. He’s a Christian, they’re pagans. Not a tolerant mix.

FRIDAY 13

Quadrophenia ★★★★✩ (1979, Sky Movies Indie, 10pm. Dir Franc Roddam) Jimmy Cooper (Phil Daniels) is fed up with his mail room job, nagging parents and the frustrations of life. Big things. So he escapes into a ‘Mod’ world with his pals, zipping around on scooters, fighting with rockers, and going to Brighton. Classic Mod tale with a cracking soundtrack.

SATURDAY 14

Ali ★★★★✩ (2001, Channel 4, 11.10pm. Dir XXXXX) Starring Will Smith, Jamie Foxx, Jon Voight, Mario Van Peebles and Ron Silver. Understated biopic focusing upon the ten-year heyday of boxing great Muhammad Ali, in which he set about winning back his heavyweight title after it was stripped from him due to his stance on Vietnam. During this period, he converted to Islam, met luminaries Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr and fought a legendary unification bout against George Foreman in a bid to reclaim the title he believed to be rightfully his.

SUNDAY 15

Last King of Scotland ★★★★✩ (2006, Sky Movies Indie, 8pm. Dir Kevin Macdonald) Oscar-winning tale set in early 70s Uganda where newly graduated doctor Nicholas Garrigan moves to Uganda to escape his conservative father. He meets the new President Idi Amin after the coup-d'é-tat and is invited to become his personal physician. Then the trouble starts.

MONDAY 16

Gangs of New York ★★★✩✩ (2002, Channel 4, 10pm. Dir Martin Scorsese) Starring Daniel Day-Lewis. Violent epic set in 19th-century New York. In a city riven with corruption and tribal warfare, a young man returns from a stay in reform school to the Five Points area, seeking to avenge his father’s murder.

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tuesday 10 Priceless Antiques Roadshow BBC2, 6.30pm Michael Aspel and Fiona Bruce join the team to explain a few tricks of the trade in provoking great reactions from the punters. Plus, the specialists advise on credit crunch proof collectables. Always worth looking out for at the Sunday station market. Stealy eyes on max.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm Big news! Big news! We all knew it was coming but still the shock of hearing from Grissom’s own lips – he’s leaving! The crew are stunned, but he’s got his last case to close connecting a decomposed body to the crimes of a known serial killer. Oh, and Lawrence Fishburne’s taking over.

Horne And Corden BBC3, 10.30pm The BBC’s golden boys, ever since Mathew Horne popped his angelic head up in The Catherine Tate Show, and was then whisked off to lead in new bessie mate James Horden’s co-scripted Gavin and Stacey. Now they’ve got their very own show they don’t have to share with anyone. Boys’ sketch comedy galore.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Dom’s On The Case: The Great British Jam 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Hotel Trubble 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Hands Up! 11.45 Just So Darwin 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow See highlights. 7.00 Darwin’s Dangerous Idea In the first episode of the three-part series, Andrew Marr explores how Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection has taken on a life of its own far beyond the world of science. 8.00 Coast The Coast team journeys along the south coast of England from Bournemouth to Plymouth. 9.00 Horizon: How To Survive A Disaster When disaster strikes who lives and who dies is not purely a matter of luck – in every disaster there are things that can be done to increase the chances of getting out alive. Horizon has gathered a team of experts to produce the ultimate guide to disaster survival. Cheery and great for winning drunken apocalypse arguments. 10.00 The Culture Show Another mix of cultural highlights. Seattle band The Fleet Foxes give an exclusive performance and Andrew Graham Dixon explores the Tate Modern’s exhibition of Russian constructivism art. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 This World International investigative documentary series. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish - Celebrity Special

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 The Morning Line 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Waldemar On Sculpture 10.50 Designers Under Pressure 11.10 Underdogs 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Build A New Life In The Country 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Unholy Matrimony (1988) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 1.30pm LIVE Test Cricket 6.00 LIVE Test Cricket 9.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Women’s World Cup Cricket 11.30 Test Cricket 12.30am Football Asia 1.00 LIVE International Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Maisie and Val be able to manoeuvre Diane into giving up the pub? Scheming hussies! Daz warns Victoria to stay away from Aaron. Controlling man fellow. Lexi is disappointed when Carl shows scant interest in planning the wedding. Step away from the irate bride-to-be. She may go off at any time. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Liverpool V Real Madrid Steve Rider introduces live coverage from Anfield of the second leg of the first knock-out round between Liverpool and nine-times winners Real Madrid. The Merseysiders take a 1-0 lead into the game after a well deserved win in the Spanish capital. With commentary from Clive Tyldesley and Jim Beglin, pitchside reports by Gabriel Clarke and studio analysis from Andy Townsend. Shouting at the telly must be provided by the viewer. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League Highlights Craig Doyle introduces the best of the action from tonight’s first knock-out round, second leg games. 12.00am Guinness Premiership Rugby 12.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.45 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Zak goes on work placement at Hollyoaks High. However, his teaching career is over before it has even begun when Gov catches him kissing Michaela. Fool! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot Shadow Home Secretary Chris Grayling visits Crawley Police station. 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Aspiring model Charlotte swaps diets for five days with bride-to-be Heather, who weighs over 20 stone. Anna Richardson discovers the Hollywood cheat’s route to a slimmer body. Airbrushing? 9.00 Heston’s Medieval Feast H creates food that blows the mind. 10.00 Shameless Ian returns unaware that a car he is driving back to England as a favour for a friend harbours a secret cargo. D’oh! 11.10 The Big Bang Theory Comedy. Wolowitz has a major crush on a girl, but she falls for Leonard. 11.35 My Name Is Earl Comedy. Randy, Joy and Earl harass their Sikh neighbour. 12.05am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 12.35 Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.30 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.20 British ASA Diving Championships 3.15 Vendee Globe 3.45 Grudge Match 4.00 Forum (x3) 5.00 Making It 5.05 A Giant In Ancient Egypt 5.25 Making It (x7)

6.00 Home And Away Xavier runs into trouble. It hurts. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Abba’s Biggest Secret: Revealed Documentary on the dark secret held by Frida Lyngstad, singer with Swedish pop superstars Abba. She was the illegitimate child of a Nazi officer and was in fact Norwegian. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. When a drug dealer is murdered during a solar eclipse, the CSIs match ligature marks on the victim’s neck to another recent murder and realise they have a serial killer on the loose. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Danny and Aiden tackle one of the team’s toughest cases yet – a multiple homicide in which employees of a Brooklyn restaurant are found shot dead with plastic bags over their heads. Diabolical doggy bags. 12.00am The FBI Files 1.00 NBA Basketball 4.20 Now Is The Time: Night Of Combat – Kick Boxing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Danielle’s attention turns to Amy. Like the the eye of Salron in Lord of the Rings. 8.00 Holby City Annalese harbours new suspicions regarding Donna’s relationship with Michael, and on AAU, Tom and the rest of the Holbypack have to cope with a busy day after a big night out. Actual doctoring in Holby City? Who’d’ve thunk it! 9.00 Mistresses Drama series. Jessica suffers with a hangover following her drunken bust-up with Mark. The pair soon make-up, but an unwelcome visitor bursts their romantic bubble. While Siobhan is at her wits’ end as she tries to get her marriage back on track. Less ‘mistress’, more ‘hacked off wife’. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The People’s Hospital Documentary series about life on the wards at Whipps Cross Hospital. 11.05 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross The latest film reviews, news and interviews. 11.35 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. 12.15am Weatherview 12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear 12.50 Cash And Curry 1.20 Who Do You Think You Are? 2.20 Lark Rise To Candleford 3.20 MasterChef 3.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Big League Weekend 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Spirit Of Yachting VIII: Barking Mad Team Profile KR 12.30 Poker 2.30 H2O Sports International 3.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 4.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 4.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 LIVE: Live Football: UEFA Champions League 10.15 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 11.15 NFL: Total Access 12.15am Tennis: Davis Cup 1.15 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 2.15 Volvo Ocean Race 3.15 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 FEI Equestrian World 7.30 Spirit Of Yachting VIII: Barking Mad Team Profile KR 8.00 Wendy’s Champions Skins 2009 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm FEI Equestrian World 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 2.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 2.30 Big League Weekend 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 WWE: Smackdown 7.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Tennis: Davis Cup 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00am Revista De La Liga 1.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Lost 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Freaky Eaters 9.00 Deborah 13: Servant Of God 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Horne And Corden. See highlights 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Deborah 13: Servant Of God 12.45am Freaky Eaters 1.45 Horne And Corden 2.15 Comic Relief’s Naughty Bits

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Coal House At War 8.00 All Our Working Lives: Cutting Coal 9.00 My Strike 10.00 Mad Men. Underhanded advertising action. 10.50 Party Animals 11.35 Party Animals 12.25am My Strike 1.25 Debussy And Monet: Partners In Art 2.55 My Strike

4.00pm Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Seann William Scott: The Hot Desk 8.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 9.00 Coleen’s Real Women 10.00 FILM: Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004) 12.10am FM

12.30pm Heartbeat 1.35 Ballykissangel 2.40 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 3.45 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Double 4.50 Drama Trails 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.30 The Brief 12.00am Wycliffe

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Skins 1.15 Scrubs (x2)

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Hear And Now 12.00am Come Dine With Me

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Most Haunted 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 Steptoe And Son 11.00 The New Statesman 11.35 French And Saunders 12.15am The Vicar Of Dibley

2.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City 10.40 Scrubs (x2) 11.40 South Park 12.10am Scrubs

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers 9.00 Storm Chasers 10.00 Extreme Loggers 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Nuclear Hurricane (2007) 9.40 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 11.30 FILM: Cerberus (2005) 1.20am Ghost Stories

10.20am Custer Of The West (1968) 12.45pm Road To Zanzibar (1941) 2.20 The Movie Geek 2.50 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 4.40 Jesse James (1939) 6.35 Custer Of The West (1968) 9.00 The Boston Strangler (1968) 11.00 Anna And The King Of Siam (1946) 1.15am Kiss Of The Vampire (1963)

11.25am The Proposition (1998) 1.20pm The Last Temptation Of Christ (1988) 4.05 Year Of The Dog (2007) 5.45 December Boys (2007) 7.35 Mulholland Drive (2001) 10.00 Sex, Lies And Videotape (1989) 11.45 Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) 1.45am Body Shots (1999)

1.00pm Prince Valiant (1954) 3.00 Appointment In London (1953) 4.55 Very Important Person (1961) 6.50 Silver Streak (1976) 9.00 Fantastic Four (2005) Superhero-tastic! 11.00 Short Cuts (1993) Robert Altman’s mix of stories and characters from the pen of Raymond Carver.

9.00am Lust For Life (1956) 11.15 Jailhouse Rock (1957) 1.00pm A Day At The Races (1937) 3.00 The Candidate (1972) 5.05 Arsenic And Old Lace (1944) 7.15 Code Name: Emerald (1985) 9.00 The Man With Two Brains (1983) 10.45 Looker (1981) 12.40am Rachel, Rachel (1968) 2.50 Wild Rovers (1971)

Classics

Indie

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wednesday 11 Grand Designs Channel 4, 9pm Some people want to live in the countryside and some people want to be the countryside. Anyone with an architect of their own is likely to fall into the second category – like Mimi d’Costa and her husband Andre, who want to move to Kent and have lovely healthy air for their two boys. Kevin McCloud ‘hmms’.

Minder Five, 9pm Back to the Daley clan routes as Archie decides to become a boxing agent in a bid to raise funds for his divorce settlement. Isn’t that how Arthur met Terry first time around? No matter. This time Archie plans to pitch a young boxer against an up-andcoming fighter. Except his ex throws a spanner in the works.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart More4, 8.30pm If you find your news a tad too unappetising served up straight, don’t forget that there’s a satirical filter on hand every night to keep us updated and amused in one. The worse the news the sharper the satire, and if there’s nothing bad they’ll find something bizarre. The best from the States.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Dom’s On The Case: The Risks On Our Roads 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Gastronuts 4.35 Blue Peter Does Comic Relief 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Coast 11.20 Lifeline 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Coast 2.05 The World At War 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It!

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 The Morning Line 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Waldemar On Sculpture 10.55 Designers Under Pressure 11.10 Underdogs 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 Build A New Life In The Country 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Family Of Strangers (1993) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE International Cricket 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 12.00pm Football Asia 12.30 International Cricket 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 International Cricket 5.30 Big Fight Countdown 6.00 Champions League Pre-Game Show 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Big Fight Countdown 10.30 European Tour Weekly 11.00 LIVE Women’s World Cup Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out The crew investigate the ferry companies in Dover. 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama. Rob gives Bolton some mystery pills to calm his match day nerves. And Eddie is sent reeling after learning not only Melissa’s secret, but Rachel’s as well. Stop collecting secrets! You don’t work for New Of The World! 9.00 Nature’s Great Events Documentary series. The great flood in the Okavango turns 4,000 square miles of arid plains into a beautiful wetland. Elephant mothers guide their families on an epic trek across the harsh Kalahari Desert towards it, siphoning fresh water from stagnant pools and facing hungry lions. This is what we pay our license fees for. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Michael Ball is live from Lottery HQ with the Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto draws. Bingo sketches. 10.45 FILM: Bad Company (2002) Starring Anthony Hopkins, Chris Rock. Action thriller. 12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: Make Me Smart 1.20 Oz And James Drink To Britain 1.50 Horizon: What’s The Problem With Nudity? 2.50 Timewatch: QE2 – The Final Voyage 3.50 MasterChef 4.20 News

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce introduces the finds that stood out in terms of pure quality from 31 years of Antiques Roadshow valuations. 7.00 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson heads to West Yorkshire to help a pair of young doctors find their dream rural retreat. They have a budget of £700,000 and want a true country house with some acreage so they can rear some livestock. The Good Life with perks? 8.00 Orangutan Diary Steve Leonard and Michaela Strachan introduce stories from the world’s biggest ape rescue centre. 9.00 Building The Olympic Dream Three-part observational documentary series charting the journey to the London 2012 Olympics. After unexpectedly winning the bid to stage the Olympic Games, the authorities waste no time in clearing the land for the Olympic park. 10.00 QI Panel-based quiz. Stephen Fry focuses on films and fame with Emma Thompson, David Mitchell, John Sessions and Alan Davies. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Mad Men Don finds himself in the middle of issues between TV comedian Jimmy and his wife Bobbie. 12.10am BBC News 4.00 I-Maths 1 5.00 I-Maths Extra 5.30 ID&T - Maths

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale A furious Diane uncovers Val’s plans. Don’t go antagonising a widow. She’s only looking for someone to hit. 7.30 Coronation Street Steve bars Liz and Lloyd from his wedding. Does anyone else think he might be rushing things a bit? 8.00 The Bill PCs Sally Armstrong and Ben Gayle get caught up with magic when they investigate a theft in a social club. Resident magician Drake Danvers’ gambling habit seems like a motive for the crime. 9.00 Taggart The body of private investigator Andrew MacHendry is discovered at the bottom of a quarry, with his two-year-old son left in an abandoned car above. When suicide is ruled out, the team try to find a murder motive. Surely that’s what the police are there for?! 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Law & Order: UK Crime drama based on the acclaimed US series. Reapeat of Monday’s episode. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations Going to action stations with fighter pilots and ground troops on duty in Afghanistan. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.25 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 Pets Undercover: Tonight 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Although Hannah and Justin have feelings for each other, they’re both a little uncomfortable when they get too close. Have you seen the state of his gaff? You’d would be uncomfortable getting close to that boy. Fleas? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg discusses childcare and paternity leave with Richmond voters. 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Property series. Kirsty and Phil catch up with James and Vikki, who, two years ago, asked for their help finding a family home in England, and a holiday home in Wales. 9.00 Grand Designs See highlights. 10.00 Desperate Housewives US drama. Susan and Edie accidentally lock themselves in a basement. Bosom pals those two. Bree’s plotting against Andrew’s future mother-inlaw comes at a cost. Foolish lady. 11.05 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate. Repeat of Tuesday’s episode. 12.05am 4 Music: 4Play: One Eskimo 12.20 Cheltenham Festival Highlights 12.55 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... 1.55 Rockfeedback Presents... Underage Festival 2008 2.25 School Disco 2.35 Remembering Mum 3.35 Hill Street Blues4.25 Time Team5.15 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Will Miles be reunited with Kirsty? 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Hero Animals Surfer Todd Endris was catching some waves at a beach in California when he was attacked by a great white shark. Saved by dolphins? You betcha! Boycott that tuna! 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highways. A snow plough falls through the ice and a convoy of truckers from the south meets with a chilly welcome. 9.00 Minder See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005) Starring Rob Schneider and Hanna Verboom. Sex comedy sequel. The reluctant and hugely incompetent prostidude goes to Amsterdam to help his ex-pimp clear his name by tracking down a ‘man-whore’ serial killer. 11.45 Cathouse Intimate portrait of life inside one of America’s largest and best-known legal brothels, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada. 12.15am PartyPoker.com Poker Den: Big Game III 1.45 V8 Supercars 2.25 Motorsport Mundial (x2) 3.15 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Airsports World 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00pm Tennis: Davis Cup 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 3.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Big Fight Countdown 7.30 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 Ford Football Special 12.00am Big Fight Countdown 12.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 European Tour Weekly 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 Boots ‘n’ All 3.30 Big Fight Countdown 4.00 Ford Football Special 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Racing News 8.30 Wild Spirits 9.00 Tennis: Davis Cup 10.00 Pool 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Airsports World 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 WWE Afterburn 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Licence To Le Mans 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Sailing World Match Tour 2.30 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 FILM: The Beach (2000) 12.15am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 The Real Hustle: High Stakes (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Lake House (2006) 10.30 Horne And Corden 11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Snog Marry Avoid? 12.20am Comic Relief’s Naughty Bits 1.15 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain 2.15 Horne And Corden 2.45 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Britain’s Best Drives 8.00 The Car Show 9.00 Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 10.00 FILM: The Golden Door (2006) 11.50 From A To B: Tales Of Modern Motoring 12.40am Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 1.40 Britain’s Best Drives 2.10 The Car Show 3.10 Baroque!

3.50pm Liam Gallagher: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 New Homes From Hell 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FM 11.00 Coronation Street 11.30 Katie Price: Life Stories Uncut 1.00am Teleshopping

3.45pm The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Front Seat 4.55 Drama Trails 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 Kingdom 11.00 Rose And Maloney 12.05am Numb3rs 12.55 Hammer House Of Horror

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Picture Perfect (1997) 11.00 Skins 12.05am Russell Brand’s Ponderland 12.35 Rude Tube

5.05pm Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart. See highlights. 9.00 Dispatches 10.00 Father Ted 10.35 The IT Crowd 11.05 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.40 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 12.45am Father Ted

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Jade: Bride To Be 10.00 Rehab 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Rehab 3.00 Wonder Woman

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City 11.00 Scrubs (x4) 1.00am Frasier (x2) 2.00 World Stands Up

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper Special 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers 9.00 Solved 10.00 Murder Shift 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 9.50 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 11.40 FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 1.20am Ghost Stories

8.30am Rear Window (1954) 10.30 Holiday Inn (1942) 12.15pm Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 2.45 Psycho (1960) 4.35 Duel In The Sun (1946) 6.50 A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (1945) 9.00 Rear Window (1954) 11.00 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 12.40am Psycho (1960)

9.30am The Passenger (1975) 11.45 Fire (1996) 1.40pm Black Snake Moan (2006) 3.40 Jindabyne (2006) 5.50 Mumford (1999) 7.50 The Passenger (1975) 10.00 The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 11.35 Black Snake Moan (2006) 1.35am Mulholland Falls (1996) 3.30 Fire (1996)

1.00pm A Kid For Two Farthings (1955) 2.45 DOA (1950) 4.25 Reach For The Sky (1956) 7.05 The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997) 9.00 X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) 11.00 Get Real (1998) 1.10am C.R.A.Z.Y. (2005) The one that Britiney Spears sang the theme song for starring Melissa Joan Hart.

7.35am Jailhouse Rock (1957) 9.20 Giant (1956) 1.00pm Key Largo (1948) 3.00 Five Days One Summer (1983) 5.00 The Boyfriend (1971) 7.25 The Oklahoman (1957) 9.00 Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) 11.10 Cannery Row (1982) 1.20am Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) 3.20 Wise Guys (1986)

Classics

Indie

041_LS414_TV_thu

3/4/09

2:50 PM

Page 1

thursday 12 Comic Relief Does The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm With celebs including Jack Dee, Jonathan Ross, Ruby Wax and Carol Vorderman you get the idea that there are probably more leaders than followers in this season’s gaggle of expectant celebs after Sir Alan Sugar’s approval. Maybe Carol’s after a proper job from him too.

Dexter ITV1, 10.35pm The serial killer who mops up killers who got away gains the upper hand when Doakes tracks him to his latest kill. Then Doakes goes and reveals a secret about Dexter’s Dad and the balance of power goes all doo-lally. Don’t go talking about a serial killer’s parent – you just know it’s not the sensible thing to do.

Supernatural ITV2, 11pm The Winchester brothers are hot on the trail of spooky and unusual stuff that goes bump in the night, with their usual dollop of fraternal bickering thrown into the mix. Turning up at a small town – these things hardly ever happen in big cities – Dean and Sam discover a wishing well is granting wishes, with a twist.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Dom’s On The Case: Money And Motoring 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Prank Patrol 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Chidlren’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel 11.10 Primary Geography 11.30 Something Special 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 FILM: The Big Sky (1952) 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team reveal some of the most valuable bootsale buys in the history of the Antiques Roadshow, and Hilary Kay recalls some saucy objects that made her blush. Oh, matron! 7.00 Oz And James Drink To Britain The boys begin their exploration of the South West with a trip to a traditional cider farm. 7.30 Oz And James Drink To Britain For the final programme in the series, the guys try British sparkling wine in a Sussex vineyard. 8.00 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden Jimmy Doherty re-creates some of Darwin’s extraordinary work. 9.00 Darwin’s Dangerous Idea Andrew Marr explores Darwin’s impact on politics and society. The theory of natural selection has been used to justify imperial expansion and oppression, but Darwin’s ideas were also crucial to the democratic, antiracist values of the United Nations. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Join Graham for his usual mix of celebrity chat, jokes and stunts. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Company Three-part drama series based on the Robert Littell bestseller of CIA intrigue. 12.55am BBC News 4.00 German Shorts 5.00 Being German 5.30 Telling Tales

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 The Morning Line 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 The Celts 11.45 Designers Under Pressure 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.05 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Maisie becomes upset when she learns that she will not be the future landlady of the Woolpack. Yah, boo, sucks. 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney presents a new series exploring Britain’s countryside and meeting the people who make it special. 8.00 The Bill An attempted suicide leads the police to a drugs stash at a local boxing club. But everyone at the club seems to be hiding something, and getting the truth out proves difficult. Yeah – hiding drugs! Duh! 9.00 Billy Connolly: Journey To The Edge Of The World Billy Connolly completes his journey through the remote regions of Canada, travelling from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific. In this final leg of his trip, he ventures across the Yukon and British Columbia, where he meets the hardy people who live in these remote areas. And he has fun in a sweat lodge. Naked Billy! 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter See highlights. 11.45 FILM: The Wicker Man (1973) Starring Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, Diane Cilento, Britt Ekland, Ingrid Pitt and Lindsay Kemp. Cult mystery thriller. 1.15am Crossing Jordan 2.05 Loose Women 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks It’s Josh and Sasha’s 18th and they’re celebrating in style in The Loft. The crime den of iniquity. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot Caroline Lucas, leader of the Green Party, talks about the creation of ‘Green jobs’. 8.00 10 Years Younger: The Challenge Makeover show. Dawn’s transparent hair and outdated glasses mean her husband regularly gets mistaken for her toy boy. Hairdresser Sheila has been baking her skin in the sun and has developed classic smoker’s lips. Can the team help? 9.00 Red Riding The second in a trilogy of connected films. Detective Peter Hunter is brought in by the Home Office to conduct a secret review of the Ripper investigation. 10.55 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordo is let loose on The Secret Garden, a French restaurant in California serving pompous, over-complicated cuisine. 11.55 The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 12.30am Cheltenham Festival Highlights 1.00 4 Music: Rock Ness 1.35 4Music Sessions: Lemar 2.00 Rockfeedback 2.30 How To Cope With Rejection 2.35 Soldier Girls: On The Road To Afghanistan 3.05 Dispatches: How They Squander Our Billions 3.55 Hill Street Blues 4.40 Time Team 5.35 Inuk 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Chidlren’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 How To Build A New Life In The Country 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: Hound Of The Baskervilles (2000) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Leah marks the anniversary of Dan’s death. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker present a wildlife series following the urgent work going on to save and protect animals in the UK and abroad. A hedgehog presents with a seriously injured leg. Miss Limpy Tiggywinkle. 8.00 FILM: The Postman (1997) Starring Kevin Costner, Will Patton, Larenz Tate, Olivia Williams and Tom Petty. Adventure set in the wastelands of a bleak, postapocalypse America. 11.15 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. The interceptors chase a stolen 4x4, give 12.15 Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Total Rugby 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big Fight Countdown 9.30 Women’s World Cup Cricket 11.30 Ford Football Special 1.00pm Big Fight Countdown 1.30 Women’s World Cup Cricket 3.30 Ford Football Special 5.00 The Rugby Club 6.30 Big Fight Countdown 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Big Fight Countdown 11.00 Time Of Our Lives 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 Big Fight Countdown 1.00 The Rugby Club 2.30 Big Fight Countdown 3.00 Through The Night

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Confined at Her Majesty’s pleasure, Ronnie and Roxy move one step closer. Only way to get those two mares talking. 8.00 Kilimanjaro: The Big Red Nose Climb Nine celebrities put their reputations and fitness on the line to raise money for Comic Relief. Celebs including Gary Barlow, Cheryl Cole, Chris Moyles and Fearne Cotton, attempt to scale Africa’s highest mountain to raise as much money as possible to alleviate suffering in the UK and Africa. 9.00 Comic Relief Does The Apprentice See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the debate from Toxteth in Liverpool. The panel includes Health Secretary Alan Johnson, Peep Show actor David Mitchell and Liberal Democrat Susan Kramer. When did actors become political figures? (Not counting Glenda Jackson MP) 11.35 This Week A political review of the week. 12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 The People’s Hospital 1.55 Countryfile 2.50 MasterChef 3.50 BBC News BBC

***Alternative Schedule: If English club goes through *** 7.30 UEFA Cup Football Live UEFA Cup football action. 10.15 FILM: Species II (1998) Starring Natasha Henstridge, Michael Madsen, Marg Helgenberger Sequel to the sci-fi blockbuster.

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Total Rugby 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00pm Powder Adventures 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Licence To Le Mans 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 WWE Experience 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Netball: Super League 12.30am NFL: Total Access 1.30 Live Darts: Premier League 5.00 Powder Adventures 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Racing News 8.30 Total Rugby 9.00 Watersports World 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Licence To Le Mans 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 Women’s World Cup Cricket 7.00 LIVE Rugby League 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am World Golf Championship 4.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A TenYear-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Bones 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Cold Case 1.00 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain 9.00 Baby Borrowers USA 9.45 The Real Hustle 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints: Comic Relief Special 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Baby Borrowers USA 12.25am Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain

7.00pm News 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Britain’s Best Drives 9.00 Richard Wilson Learns To Drive 9.30 The History Of The Future: Cars 10.00 Michael Smith’s Drivetime 10.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 11.00 The Car Show 12.00am The History Of The Future: Cars 12.30 Richard Wilson Learns To Drive

3.50pm Girls Aloud: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 10.00 American Idol 11.00 Supernatural. See highlights. 12.00am American Idol

2.40pm Monarch Of The Glen 3.45 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: May And June 4.55 Drama Trails 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Flashpoint 11.00 FILM: The Guru (2001) 12.55am Hammer House Of Horror

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 Skins 11.05 Russell Brand Live 12.05am Scrubs (x2)

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Come Dine With Me 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER

12.00pm Maury 12.55 Maury 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Rehab 9.00 Jade’s Wedding 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds (x2) 2.00 Extreme Makeover UK

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.45pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.20 Steptoe And Son 11.00 The New Statesman 11.35 French And Saunders 12.15am The Vicar Of Dibley

2.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.00 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Tornado Rampage 9.00 Solved 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Nuclear Hurricane (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 12.00am FILM: The Last Winter (2006)

1.00pm I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 2.40 Road To Bali (1952) 4.15 Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 5.50 The Out-ofTowners (1970) 7.30 War Of The Worlds (1953) 9.00 The Sound Of Music (1965) 11.55 Louisiana Purchase (1941) 1.40am The Blob (1958)

11.10am Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 1.10pm A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 3.00 The Singer (2006) 4.55 Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) 7.20 The Movie Geek 7.50 Rescue Dawn (2006) 10.00 Ten Canoes (2006) 11.35 Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 1.55am Surveillance Special

1.00pm The Dark Corner (1946) 2.55 Sea Of Sand (1958) 4.50 The Mudlark (1950) 6.50 Bogus (1996) 9.00 Batman (1989) 11.30 Death Note (2006) 1.55am Black Widow (1986) Starring Debra Winger as a lady investigator looking into femme fatale Theresa Russell.

9.30am The Good Guys And The Bad Guys (1969) 11.15 Trial By Combat (1976) 1.00pm Meet Me In St Louis (1944) 3.00 The Searchers (1956) 5.15 Clash By Night (1952) 7.20 Crazy In Love (1992) 9.00 Bonfire Of The Vanities (1990) 11.25 You’re A Big Boy Now (1966) 1.10am Bonfire Of The Vanities (1990)

Classics

Indie

042_LS414_TV_fri

3/6/09

6:10 PM

Page 1

friday 13 Comic Relief BBC1, 7pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp Special, David Tennant vs Davina McCall Mastermind, French and Saunders spoof Mamma Mia!, celebs climb up Mount Kilamanjaro, The Royle Family make a one-off appearance, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant consider The Office: The Opera – and loads more.

Pushing Daisies ITV1, 10.35pm This quirky US comedy drama continues apace when professional rich person Gustav Hoffer is found impaled on his chandelier. His lovelorn lawyer Daniel Hill hires Emerson to find out how this bizarre occurance occurred and he ropes in Ned with the undead touch and the undead Chuck to help. Bless.

The New Avengers BBC4, 12.20am It’s dapper manners all round as Mike Gambit and Purdey join good old John Steed in keeping the flag flying and Britain safe from bizarre inventions and surreal conspiracies. Anything could happen with this unusual trio. So nice to be able to indulge in abject nostalgia on a Friday night.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Dom’s On The Case: The Motoring Fightback 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Outback 8 4.35 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 FILM: The First Of The Few (1942) 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Flog It!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 The Morning Line 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.00 Why Is There So Much Rubbish On Telly? 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 How To Build A New Life In The Country 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: See Jane Date (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 Comic Relief 2009 Stars come together to raise money for charity on Red Nose Day. The night begins with David Tennant and Davina McCall, a Harry Hill TV Burp Special, the Saturdays performing their Comic Relief single, and an alien Ronnie Corbett landing himself in a Sarah Jane Adventure. 8.00 Comic Relief 2009 Enfield and Whitehouse turn the tables on the actual Dragons as Harry and Paul do Dragon’s Den. Catherine Tate turns the tables on Little Britain’s computer girl Carol Beer, and Ant and Dec go back to their Geordie roots. 9.00 Comic Relief 2009 Cheryl Cole and Kimberley Walsh from Girls Aloud, Gary Barlow, Alesha Dixon, Chris Moyles, Denise Van Outen, Fearne Cotton and Ben Shephard hotfoot it back from their epic Red Nose Day climb of Mount Kilimanjaro. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Comic Relief 2009 Fern Britton and Alan Carr present a boys versus girls classic in the terrifying boardroom of Comic Relief Does The Apprentice. 11.00 Comic Relief 2009 Robbie Williams stars in a new Little Britain sketch. plus more. 12.00am Comic Relief 2009 3.00 Weatherview 3.05 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team examine the hidden meanings behind some of the stunning jewellery that has appeared on the Roadshow. 7.00 Once A Soldier Documentary series about the Chelsea Pensioners. 7.30 Mastermind Topics are Sidney Poitier, British Trotskyism, Number One Hit Singles and The Life and Career of Edie Sedgwick. 8.00 The Plant Addicts Carol Klein is addicted to plants. Carol retraces her life through the plants that have meant the most to her, meeting friends who share her obsession. 9.00 Rocket Science Documentary series that tracks inspirational physics teacher Andy Smith’s attempts to convert his pupils to physics and chemistry. 10.00 Comic Relief Does Top Of The Pops A special edition featuring U2, Oasis, Franz Ferdinand and Tom Jones joining Rob Brydon and Ruth Jones live. Plus the week’s Number 1. 10.35 Newsnight 11.05 Newsnight Review 11.40 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw The results of the EuroMillions Big Event draw. 11.45 The Culture Show Uncut Another mix of cultural highlights. 12.35am Medium (x2) 2.00 FILM: Nero Wolfe Mysteries: The Silent Speaker (2001)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria and Aaron decide to continue to see each other in secret. Best way in any soap. 7.30 Coronation Street Friday the 13th spells trouble for Steve and Becky. Uncle Umed warns Dev that Tara is a gold digger. What gold? 8.00 Brand Vs Budget: Tonight Martin Lewis challenges luxury addicts to trade down on food, alcohol and cosmetics to see if they can tell the difference between more costly and cheaper brands. 8.30 Coronation Street A misguided Maria places her trust in Tony. What?! After everything that’s happened?! Div girl. 9.00 Moving Wallpaper On the set, it is the day of filming for the big stunt, but Jonathan manages to upset leading man Alan Dale, who locks himself in his trailer. 9.30 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder Awardwinning comic Al Murray offers up more hilarious gags and sketches. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Pushing Daisies See highlights. 11.35 FILM: Barbershop (2002) Starring Ice Cube, Anthony Anderson, Cedric The Entertainer. Comedy. 1.20am FILM: When Good Ghouls Go Bad (2001) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sasha seduces Warren. Amy is feeling insecure after seeing Josh get a lapdance but he tells her she is the only woman for him. This is a saucy party! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Cheltenham Festival The totesport Cheltenham Gold Cup. 7.35 Unreported World New series of the acclaimed foreign affairs documentary, beginning with a report on the use of child soldiers by rebel groups in North Eastern Congo. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? The Watson family choose between Florida and Newcastle. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon visits an Irish pub in the Hamptons, where family feuding is threatening the business. Cue duelling banjos. 10.00 Free Agents Comedy series set in a talent agency. Alex plans a surprise birthday party for Helen, but finds it hijacked by Helen’s controlling ex sister-in-law. 10.30 FILM: Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ (2005) Starring 50 Cent, Terrence Howard. Drama based loosely on the life of its star, 50 Cent. 12.40am 4 Music: The JD Set Presents: The Paddingtons 1.00 Cheltenham Festival 1.30 Red Bull Air Race 2008 2.35 KOTV Classics 2008 3.25 Ironman .55 Trans World Sport 4.45 Time Team Digs...Bronze Age

6.00 Home And Away Geoff and Nicole fight again. C’est la vie. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Pimp My Ride UK Tim Westwood hosts the custom car show. Footballer Thierry Henry makes a guest appearance as Tim pimps a 1989 Mark II VW Golf belonging to Amersham football coach Asif. Bling. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series. 9.00 NCIS US drama series. A marine suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder escapes from a secure naval medical centre and goes on a rampage. When the agents catch up with him, they learn that there may be a sinister reason for the marine’s erratic behaviour. 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama. The agents intervene in a feud between a group of vigilantes and a gang operated by a ruthless criminal. To crack the case, Charlie calls upon the expertise of an old rival. 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series. When an undercover cop goes missing, the police suspect the mob are to blame. However, the team thinks that a serial killer may be a more likely suspect. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big Fight Countdown 9.30 Barclays Premier League World 10.00 World Golf Championship: CA Championship 2.00pm Darts: Premier League 5.30 Big League Weekend 6.30 Big Fight Countdown 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night Live 12.00am Big Fight Countdown 12.30 Big League Weekend 1.30 Big Fight Countdown 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Big Fight Countdown 4.30 Big League Weekend 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 The Dogs 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 Rugby League 1.00pm Big Fight Countdown 1.30 Powder Adventures 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 The Rugby Club 4.00 NFL: Total Access 5.00 Off The Bar 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race 6.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.00 LIVE Cricket: Women’s World Cup 1.00am LIVE International Cricket

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Darts: Premier League 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Netball: Super League 3.00 Rugby League 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 LIVE International Rugby Union 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 World Golf Championship 5.00 Powder Adventures 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A TenYear-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Road Wars (x2) 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Street Wars 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 FILM: Seabiscuit (2003) 10.15 Two Pints: Fags, Lads And Kebabs 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Horne And Corden 12.30 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 1.30 Two Pints: Fags, Lads And Kebabs 2.30 Horne And Corden 3.00 Comic Relief’s Naughty Bits 3.55 Snog Marry Avoid? 4.25 Freaky Eaters

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 21st Century Bach: The Complete Organ Works 7.45 Proms 2007 9.00 Do It Yourself: The Story Of Rough Trade 10.30 Rough Trade At The BBC 11.30 Mad Men 12.20am The New Avengers. See highlights 1.10 Do It Yourself: Story Of Rough Trade

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.50 McFly: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 American Idol 10.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am American Idol

12.25pm Heartbeat 1.35 Ballykissangel 2.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.45 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: May And June 4.55 Drama Trails 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Flashpoint 10.00 FILM: Sleuth (1972) 12.40am Liverpool One

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Wife Swap 11.05 Celebrity Wife Swap 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.10 FILM: Wolf (1994)

1.10pm Deal Or No Deal 2.00 Come Dine With Me 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 FILM: Witness (1985) 12.15am Grand Designs

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x20 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.25pm Last Of The Summer Wine 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.00 The New Statesman 11.35 French And Saunders 12.15am My Hero 12.55 The New Statesman

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 Scrubs (x2) 12.00am Celebrity Death Match

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Storm Chasers 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Sea Of Souls 9.15 FILM: Abominable (2006) 11.10 FILM: Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) 1.00am FILM: Heartstopper (2006)

1.15pm Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 3.10 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 4.55 The Egyptian (1954) 7.15 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 9.00 Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 11.10 Panic In The Streets (1950) 12.50am The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)

11.00am Breaking And Entering (2006) 1.00pm The Castle (1998) 2.30 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 4.30 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 6.30 Breaking And Entering (2006) 8.30 The Castle (1998) 10.00 Quadrophenia (1979) 12.00am Trekkies (1997)

1.00pm Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 3.20 The Raid (1954) 5.05 The True Story Of Jesse James (1956) 7.05 The Addams Family (1991) 9.00 Planet Of The Apes (2001) 11.15 Death Note: The Last Name (2006) 2.00am Big Trouble In Little China (1986) Kurt Rusesell saves Kim Cattrall in 80s style.

8.55am Trouble Along The Way (1953) 11.00 Bye Bye Braverman (1968) 12.55pm Mogambo (1953) 3.00 The Frisco Kid (1979) 5.15 My Favorite Year (1982) 6.55 A Night At The Opera (1935) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Friday The 13th (1980) 10.50 Stardust (1975) 12.55am Superfly (1972) 2.35 Friday The 13th (1980)

Classics

Indie

043_LS414_TVSAT

5/3/09

5:11 PM

Page 1

saturday 14 Timewatch – Captain Cook: The Man Behind The Legend BBC2, 8pm Captain James Cook led three great voyages of discovery which pushed the borders of the British Empire to the ends of the earth. His abilities would add one-third to the map of the known world. While his exploits are well documented, much less is known about James Cook the man.

Comic Relief Does Top Of The Pops BBC2, 10pm U2, Oasis, Franz Ferdinand and Tom Jones join Rob Brydon and Ruth Jones live for their Comic Relief take on the Bee Gees classic ‘Islands in the Stream,’ first performed on Gavin and Stacey at the barn dance in Wales. But will Bono join in with Ruth and Rob? Probably.

Do It Yourself: The Story Of Rough Trade BBC4, 10pm The Rough Trade story began when Geoff Travis opened a shop offering an alternative to the middle-of-the-road music. Tune into the story of the shop, which became a label and a distributor of some of the most innovative and exciting music of the last thirty years.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.35 Rachel Allen: Bake! 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Outtake TV 1.30 Kilimanjaro: The Big Red Nose Climb 2.30 Six Nations Rugby 4.45 Six Nations Rugby

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.25 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.35 Three Delivery 8.00 Skunk Fu 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero? 9.55 Bernard 10.00 Basil’s Swap Shop 11.00 Roar 12.00pm Sound At BBC Switch Live 12.50 Super Agents 1.25 Sound 2.00 The Sky At Night 2.20 Animal Park 3.05 Psych 3.45 Psych 4.30 Final Score 5.10 Galapagos

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Supernormal 9.55 Planet Sketch 10.10 The Cosby Mysteries 11.10 Countrywise 11.40 Dancing On Ice 12.45pm Dancing On Ice - The Skate Off 1.30 ITV News And Weather 1.35 Inspector Morse 3.35 FILM: Thunderbirds (2004) 5.15 Meridian News And Weather 5.30 ITV News And Weather 5.45 New You’ve Been Framed!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freesports On 4 7.30 Vendee Globe 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.55 Friends 10.25 Friends 10.55 Lily Allen Special: Under The Skin 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.30 Animal Families 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Zoo Days 10.15 The Gadget Show 11.15 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.15pm Ice Road Truckers 1.15 FILM: The Spirit Of St Louis (1957) 3.50 FILM: Rough Air: Danger On Flight 534 (2001) 5.40 FILM: Young Guns II (1990)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Big League Weekend 7.30 Off The Bar 8.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.30 Big Fight Countdown 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.55 Big Fight Countdown 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

7.15 Let’s Dance For Comic Relief Claudia Winkleman and Steve Jones present the Grand Final of Let’s Dance for Comic Relief. Six celebrity acts have danced their way into the final just one act will be crowned and that decision is entirely in the hands of the voting public. 8.35 The National Lottery Draws Scott Mills with the weekend draws and special guest Ronan Keating. 8.45 Casualty Jessica receives news from Saudi, while Alice decides to fight for her man. 9.35 BBC News 10.00 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces goals and highlights from the Premier League. 11.25 A Question Of Sport Guests are Ken Doherty; Martin Offiah; Gary Speed and Ray Parlour. 11.55 FILM: Eyes Of Laura Mars (1978) Chiller about an American fashion photographer who begins having premonitions of murders, in which she sees the victim but not the killer. Murder settings are coincidentally a theme of her own controversial work, but the grisly killings she predicts are only too real. While the police try to unravel the truth, Laura’s visions persist, until she foresees her own death. 1.35am Weatherview 1.40 BBC News

6.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape Monty moves into a run-down cattle shed overlooking an isolated beach. With the help of a team of locals, he turns it into a comfortable home. 7.00 The Genius Of Photography Documentary series exploring the history of photography . 8.00 Timewatch – Captain Cook: The Man Behind The Legend See highlights. 9.00 The Lost World Of Communism 1989 marked the collapse of communism in Eastern and Central Europe and an end to an entire way of life for millions of ordinary people. 10.00 Comic Relief Does Top Of The Pops See highlights. 10.35 Comic Relief The Best Bits Comic Relief over the years all wrapped up. 10.50 The Genius Of Photography This part looks at what happens when the medium translates personal relationships into photographic ones. 11.50 FILM: Goodbye Lenin (2003) Provocative comedy in which a son tries to prevent his mother from learning about the fall of the Berlin Wall when she emerges from a lengthy coma, fearing the shock may kill her. 1.45am Mad Men 2.35 FILM: My Dear Secretary

6.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Buckle up for another side-splitting romp through the wild television frontier! 6.45 The Colour Of Money Presented by Chris Tarrant, with Millie Clode. On the most stressful game show on British TV, contestants can win a life-changing amount of money by attempting to withdraw cash from up to ten of twenty different cash machines. Each machine contains a different amount – ranging from one thousand to 20,000 pounds, but the contestant is unaware of where the cash is hidden. The aim is to say stop on each machine before it runs out of money. 7.45 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway This week, the boys are joined by a very surprising A-lister in the voiceover booth. 9.00 FILM: About A Boy (2002) Adaptation of the Nick Hornby novel about the friendship that develops between a bright but awkward 12year-old boy and a wayward thirtysomething man. 10.50 ITV News And Weather 11.05 FILM: After Hours (1985) Surreal comedy about the adventures of a well-off young man who becomes trapped in a seedy part of New York. 12.55am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 1.50 Winter Solstice 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me In London, Matthew Baker hopes to beat his rivals with a menu including fruit soup and tortelloni in basil leaf. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Time Team Tony Robinson and the team descend on a tiny Cornish island said to have been visited by Jesus Christ, and subsequently popular with medieval pilgrims. 8.00 Grand Designs Mimi d’Costa and her husband Andre have bought a large plot of land and want to build a home on it that is functional enough to serve their young family, but that will also blend beautifully into the landscape. 9.00 FILM: I, Robot (2004) Starring Will Smith, Bridget Moynahan, Alan Tudyk, James Cromwell and Bruce Greenwood. Dynamic futuristic thriller based on the classic sci-fi novel. In 2035 Chicago, a homicide cop does not trust the robots that are part of human society. They are supposed to be harmless, but the cop’s latest murder hunt unearths a frightening android conspiracy. 11.10 FILM: Ali (2001) See film highlights. 2.05am Stonehouse Reunion 2.10 FILM: Sex Lives Of The Potato Men 3.30 FILM: Hallo Panda 4.00 Reasons To Be Cheerful 4.10 Hill Street Blues 4.55 Time Team Digs... 5.55 The Hoobs

7.30 Five News 7.35 Minder Comedy drama. Archie becomes a boxing agent in a bid to pay for his divorce settlement. 8.35 NCIS Drama series. The wives of two marines are murdered and the team are desperate to find the killers before they attack another target. 9.35 CSI: NY. A bank robbery involving an armoured car results in the bizarre death of a security guard. The investigation is hampered by a strange energy field that knocked out the city’s CCTV cameras at the time of the crime. 10.35 Law And Order A group of prep school students are gunned down in a raid on a drug den. Detectives link the massacre to an Afghan warlord, but the prosecution is complicated by the fact the killer is a US ally in the war in Afghanistan. 11.35 Crime Scene Academy Documentary following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass for CSIs at the National Forensic Academy in Knoxville, Tennessee. The students are asked to put their arson knowledge into practice as they visit a site that has been deliberately set on fire by the Knoxville Fire Department. 12.05am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 House Doctor x2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE International Cricket 9.30 Volvo Ocean Race 10.00 Gillette World Sport 10.30 Big Fight Countdown 11.00 World Golf Championship 3.00pm Big Fight Countdown 3.30 International Cricket 6.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 10.00 The Super 14 Show 12.00am Gillette World Sport 12.30 World Golf Championship 4.30 Volvo Ocean Race 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 3 6.00am The Dogs 6.30 Friday Fight Night 8.30 Tight Lines 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Friday Fight Night 3.00 WWE Smackdown 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 LIVE Super League 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 Super League 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Oops TV 12.30 Oops TV 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bones 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 The Simpsons (x4) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 24 12.00am 24 1.00 Road Wars (x2) 2.40 Street Wars 3.30 Miami Uncovered (x2)

7.00pm U2 At The BBC 7.30 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 FILM: Meet The Parents (2000) 10.45 Live At The Apollo 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Two Pints: Comic Relief Special 12.45 Two Pints: Fags, Lads And Kebabs 1.45 Snog Marry Avoid? 2.15 Don’t Get Ripped Off

7.00pm Wild Scotland 7.15 The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency 9.00 Rough Trade At The BBC 10.00 Do It Yourself: The Story Of Rough Trade 11.30 FILM: Kikujiro (1999) 1.25am Rough Trade At The BBC 2.30 Do It Yourself: The Story Of Rough Trade 5.30 Close

12.35pm Coleen’s Real Women 1.35 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 2.35 Gossip Girl 3.35 Lily Allen: The Hot Desk 3.45 American Idol (x2) 6.45 FILM: Nanny McPhee (2005) 8.45 Seann William Scott: The Hot Desk 9.00 Katie Price: Life Stories Uncut 10.30 FILM: Van Helsing (2004) 1.05am Celebrity Juice

10.55am Micawber 11.55 FILM: Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (1992) 2.25pm FILM: Jane Eyre (1996) 4.35 Goodnight Sweetheart (x2) 5.55 Wycliffe 7.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.40 Cracker 11.45 Hammer House Of Horror 12.55am Wycliffe 1.50 Upstairs, Downstairs

10.00am The Simple Life 2: Road Trip (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.45pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Skins (x3) 12.05am The Making Of Slumdog Millionaire 12.40 Scrubs (x2) 1.35 Dark Angel

9.00am Time Team (x3) 12.05pm FILM: An Affair To Remember (1957) 2.20 3 Minute Wonder (x2) 2.30 Grand Designs (x5) 7.55 Time Team Special: Loch Tay 9.00 FILM: Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (2007) 11.35 The Unseen Spike Milligan 12.45am The West Wing 1.45 FILM: Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (2007)

9.00am Bewitched (x2) 10.00 Charmed 11.00 Kyle XY 12.00pm Will And Grace (x2) 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model 3.00 Nothing To Declare (x10) 8.00 Jade: Bride To Be 9.00 Jade’s Wedding 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Boston Legal

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.00 Keeping Up Appearances 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 8.20 Open All Hours 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.00 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 11.40 Jonathan Creek 1.00am Blackadder Goes Forth 1.40 Charlie’s Angels

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Comedy Store 10.30 Ed Byrne: Pedantic And Whimsical 11.45 The World Stands Up: Irish Special (x2) 12.45am South Park (x2)

2.00pm Egypt’s New Tomb Revealed 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Unsolved Murders (x2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Tornado Rampage 7.00 Storm Chasers 8.00 Extreme Loggers 9.00 Murder Shift 10.00 Prison Boot Camp 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Sanctuary 1.00 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 2.50 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 4.40 FILM: Nuclear Hurricane (2007) 6.30 Ghost Stories 7.00 Haunted Homes 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 12.00am FILM: UKM: The Ultimate Killing Machine (2006)

10.00am The Lady Eve (1941) 11.35 Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy (1955) 1.00pm Some Like It Hot (1959) 3.05 The Apartment (1960) 5.15 The War Lord (1965) 7.20 Titanic (1953) 9.00 Some Like It Hot (1959) 11.05 California (1946) 12.55am The Lady Eve (1941)

9.00am Earth (1998) 11.00 The Last Temptation Of Christ (1988) 1.50pm The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 4.20 Tumbleweeds (1999) 6.05 Youth Without Youth (2007) 8.15 Clerks II (2006) 10.00 A Mighty Heart (2007) 11.50 Youth Without Youth (2007) 1.55am Clerks II (2006) 3.40 Hana-Bi (1997)

1.00pm The Addams Family (1991) 2.55 Rage At Dawn (1955) 4.40 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) 7.00 Crocodile Dundee (1986) 8.50 Watchmen Special 9.00 The Fifth Element (1997) 11.25 Crimson Rivers (2000) 1.30am Kung Fu Hustle (2004) 3.35 Close

9.00am Abbott And Costello In Hollywood (1945) 10.30 Anchors Aweigh (1945) 1.00pm The Maltese Falcon (1941) 3.00 Any Wednesday (1966) 5.10 The Cincinnati Kid (1965) 7.05 Spies Like Us (1985) 9.00 Dark City (1998) 11.00 The Screening Room 11.30 Quick Change (1990) 1.10am Dark City (1998)

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Indie

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5:11 PM

Page 1

sunday 15 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden BBC2, 6pm Jimmy Doherty re-creates some of Darwin’s extraordinary work; he cuts off the tail feathers of a peacock to see if it impedes its sex life. Through in-breeding experiments with plants, Jimmy discovers why Darwin was so concerned about his marriage to his cousin.

The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency BBC1, 9pm Botswana’s No.1 Ladies’ Detective Agency is desperately in need of some clients. To boost business, Mma Makutsi prints up flyers, which seem to do the trick. She soon finds herself hunting down an absconding apostolic, a disappearing dog and checking up on a disturbed dentist.

Deborah 13: Servant Of God BBC3, 8pm Documentary about 13-year-old Deborah Drapper, who has grown up in a Christian family, and her parents have made sure she and her ten brothers and sisters have been protected from the sins of the outside world. Deborah is a bright, girl who has big ambitions, and the film spends a summer with her as she ventures out.

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BBC2

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 EastEnders 2.30 Six Nations Rugby 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 Regional News And Weather

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.25 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.35 Three Delivery 8.00 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 8.25 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.30 Only In America 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 FILM: Nicholas And Alexandra (1971) 5.00 Orangutan Diary

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Captain Mack 9.40 Horrid Henry 9.55 The Championship 10.55 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.10pm ITV News And Weather 1.15 The Colour Of Money 2.15 FILM: Aces High (1977) 4.10 FILM: A View To A Kill (1985)

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 Planet Cook 7.05 Trans World Sport 8.00 4Sport: Destination 2012 8.55 Friends 9.25 Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Lily Allen Special 9.55 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.25pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.35 Friends 2.05 The Big Bang Theory 2.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Time Team

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Football League: Championship 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 11.00 Gillette World Sport 11.30 LIVE International Cricket: Twenty20 2.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Nature’s Great Events Documentary series. The great flood in the Okavango turns 4,000 square miles of arid plains into a beautiful wetland. Elephant mothers guide their families on an epic trek across the harsh Kalahari Desert towards it, siphoning fresh water from stagnant pools and facing hungry lions. Hippos battle for territory, as the magical water draws in thousands of buffalo and birds, and vast clouds of dragonflies. Will the young elephant calves survive to reach this grassland paradise? 7.00 Antiques Roadshow Valued are the first document copying machine and a small coin dug up with a surprising valuation. 8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford James Dowland is confined to his hospital bed when his son arrives in Candleford, and Dorcas welcomes the boy into the post office, doing everything she can to make him feel at home. But this causes a great deal of turmoil when James is released from hospital to be reunited with his son. 9.00 The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency See highlights. 10.00 BBC News 10.15 Damages Patty refuses to scale back her efforts to punish UNR for dumping toxic waste. Ellen takes steps to prevent the government’s case against her boss from being derailed.

6.00 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden See highlights. 7.00 Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson and James May show off the ageing but massive luxury cars they bought for the price of a new Ford Mondeo. 8.00 Yellowstone Series following the fortunes of America’s wildlife icons in Yellowstone, the most extensive thermal area on Earth. In winter, Yellowstone is frozen solid – locked in snow as deep as a house for over six months. With the herds of elk and bison gradually weakened by the cold, the park’s wolves grow stronger – but with one of the world’s largest volcanoes beneath the surface, everything from the freezing cold to the creation of a snow storm is determined by the power at Yellowstone’s heart. 9.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape Monty goes in search of basking sharks in a paraglider. And dives with a colony of seals off the Isle of Skye. 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents the last word on the weekend’s football with highlights from three Premier League matches. 11.00 High Altitude Mountain adventure programme with Graham Bell and Ed Leigh. 11.30 Graham Norton Uncut Graham Norton Uncut. 12.15am Heroes 1.00 FILM: It’s Alive (1974) 2.25 BBC News 3.55 The Super League Show

6.30 Creature Comforts Why do the royal ravens wish the Queen would get a proper job? And how does Prince Charles’s small talk go down with the flora in the garden? 6.40 Meridian News And Weather 6.55 ITV News And Weather 7.15 Dancing On Ice Four remaining celebrities desperate to get through to next week’s grand final. Plus there is a special live performance by pop superstars Girls Aloud. 8.15 Wild At Heart In the aftermath of the storm, some animals are found roaming free in town. 9.15 Dancing On Ice – The Skate Off For one couple, their skating journey will come to an end. 10.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories Piers Morgan chats to Sheila Hancock about her extraordinary life both on and off the stage. 11.00 ITV News And Weather 11.15 Traffic Spin-off series from the Oscar-winning movie. where illicit organisations trade drugs, weapons and even human beings. The lives of three men – a drug enforcement officer, a young businessman and an illegal immigrant – become intertwined in ways they could never have foreseen. 1.15am Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.05 The Cosby Mysteries 2.55 Brand Vs Budget: 3.20 ITV 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Heston’s Medieval Feast Heston Blumenthal attempts to recreate the greatest feasts from history. Heston is joined by a host of celebrity diners for a Middle Age meal, which includes pigeon pie for the main course and edible tableware for dessert. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Four female cooks from Southampton battle it out to land the one thousand pound cash prize. 9.00 Peter Kay: Raider Of The Pop Charts The story behind the video of Peter Kay’s 2005 charity pop song, ‘Is This the Way to Amarillo?’ 10.00 FILM: The Departed (2006) Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen and Mark Wahlberg. Oscarwinning gangster drama as two men from either side of the criminal divide in mob-controlled Boston cross over to go undercover with their enemies. However, as the presence of a mole is detected in both the police and the mob ranks, they are each assigned the job of finding the other’s identity. 12.50am 4 Music: Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Kelly Clarkson Special 1.25 Mesh 1.30 FILM: Hud 3.35 Home Road Movies 3.50 Hill Street Blues 4.40 Time Team Digs... 5.40 Grabbit The Rabbit C5.50 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Animal Families 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.50 Little Lodgers 8.55 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Numb3rs 12.00pm Cowboy Builders 1.00 Animal Rescue Squad 1.30 Zoo Days 1.45 FILM: Dalva (1996) 3.30 FILM: Columbo: Agenda For Murder (1990) 5.30 Five News 5.35 FILM: Superman (1978) 8.15 FILM: Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby (2006) Starring Will Ferrell, Sacha Baron Cohen, John Reilly, Amy Adams, Gary Cole, Leslie Bibb, David Koechner and Greg Germann. Racing comedy about a champion NASCAR driver whose cosy position alongside his best friend at the top of the championship is threatened by a flamboyant French newcomer. With his confidence shattered, the driver draws on the help of his father and some eccentric training techniques to claw his way back to the top. 10.25 FILM: Say It Isn’t So (2001) Starring Chris Klein, Heather Graham and Orlando Jones. Offbeat romantic comedy about an orphan who falls in love with a hapless hairdresser only to discover that she may be his sister. The pair promptly break off their relationship, before the orphan learns that he has been misled. He rushes back across the country to reunite with his love before she can marry another man - unfortunately, everyone else believes he is trying to break the ultimate taboo. 12.10am America’s Toughest Prisons 1.10 Winter X Games 2.00 Boxing Classic 2.50 Boxing USA 4.00 UEFA Cup 5.10 House Doctor x2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Super League 8.30 World Golf Championship 12.30pm LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 3.00 Gillette World Sport 3.30 Wild Spirits 4.00 WWE Experience 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 LIVE International Cricket 9.30 Premiership Rugby Union 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 World Golf Championship 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Gillette World Sport 1.30 World Golf Championship 5.30 Wild Spirits 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Close

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extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

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Living

10.00am Gladiators 11.00 WWE: Experience 12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 Oops TV 1.30 Oops TV 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Futurama (x3) 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) 11.15 Night Cops 12.15am Road Wars (x2) 2.10 Street Wars

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 Deborah 13: Servant Of God 9.00 Little Britain 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 Comic Relief’s Naughty Bits 12.15am Horne And Corden 12.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 8.00 Sissinghurst (x2) 9.00 I, Samurai 10.00 Malaria: Return To Fever Road 11.25 In The Shadow Of Fujisan 12.10am Sissinghurst (x2) 1.10 Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 2.10 Malaria: Return To Fever Road 5.30 Close

12.00pm Gossip Girl 1.00 FILM: Nanny McPhee (2005) 3.00 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 4.15 Planet’s Funniest Animals 4.35 Coronation Street Omnibus 7.00 FILM: My Date With Drew (2004) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 FM 10.30 Celebrity Juice 11.00 FILM: Basic Instinct (1992) 1.25am Entourage

12.45pm Jane Austen’s Emma 3.05 FILM: Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (1992) 5.15 FILM: The Scarlet Pimpernel (1982) 8.00 The Story Of The Costume Drama 9.00 Northanger Abbey 11.10 Ladies Of Letters 11.40 FILM: Jane Eyre (1996) 1.40am Hammer House Of Horror (x2)

11.30am Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious (x2) 1.15pm Beauty And The Geek 2.10 Crowned 3.05 Age Of Love 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Sex And The City (x2) 1.10 Age Of Love

9.30am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 1.40pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 Jamie At Home 8.00 Beyond River Cottage (x2) 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 10.00 The World’s Cleverest Child And Me 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.15am Curb Your Enthusiasm

9.00am Bewitched (x2) 10.00 Charmed 11.00 Kyle XY 12.00pm Home Video Heroes (x2) 1.00 Extreme: Celebrity Yo-Yo Dieters 2.00 America’s Next Top Model (x4) 6.00 Jade: Bride To Be 7.00 Jade’s Wedding 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.00 Keeping Up Appearances 7.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 8.20 Open All Hours (x2) 9.40 Seven Of One: Open All Hours 10.20 Porridge 11.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 11.40 Open All Hours 12.20am Seven Of One: Open All Hours

3.00pm The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Dara O’Briain Live 11.15 Comedy Store (x2) 12.15am South Park (x2)

10.00am Mega Builders 11.00 Future Weapons 12.00pm Unsolved History (x2) 2.00 How It’s Made (x8) 6.00 Against The Elements 7.00 Ways To Save The Planet 8.00 Hitler’s Generals 9.00 Unsolved History 10.00 Treasure Quest 11.00 Murder Shift 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 2.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 4.00 Firefly 5.00 Eli Stone 6.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 10.50 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 12.50am FILM: Candy Stripers (2006)

1.00pm The Front Page (1974) 2.45 Sabrina (1954) 4.40 The Snows Of Kilimanjaro (1952) 6.35 Sweet Charity (1969) 9.00 Steptoe And Son (1972) 10.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 12.25am 35mm 12.55 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

9.00am Hollywoodland (2006) 11.15 The Top 10 Show 11.30 Sicko (2007) 1.35pm La Vie En Rose (2006) 4.00 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 6.05 Jindabyne (2006) 8.10 Clubland (2007) 10.00 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 12.05am The 2008 European Film Awards

1.00pm Bogus (1996) 3.10 Smoky (1946) 4.55 One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing (1942) 7.00 Bad News Bears (1976) 9.00 Sliding Doors (1998) 11.00 The Football Factory (2004) 12.45am Get Real (1998) 3.00 Close

11.00am Crooks And Coronets (1969) 1.00pm Dark Victory (1939) 3.00 The Five Pennies (1959) 5.15 Viva Las Vegas (1964) 6.50 Murder Ahoy (1964) 8.30 TCM Presents Under The Influence: Joan Allen 9.00 Swing Shift (1984) 10.55 Badlands (1973) 12.40am Swing Shift (1984) 2.25 Pick A Star (1937)

Classics

Indie

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5/3/09

5:10 PM

Page 1

monday 16 Priceless Antiques Roadshow BBC2, 6.30pm The team are reunited with some of the most memorable characters ever to appear on the Antiques Roadshow. Longest-serving former host Hugh Scully recalls his favourite finds, and ceramics buff David Battie uncovers a secret personal collection.

Dispatches: Pakistan’s Taliban Generation Channel 4, 8pm Award-winning Pakistani journalist Sharmeen ObaidChinoy investigates the child terrorists in her homeland. Pakistan’s radical Islamists are bringing violence to major cities. She meets the anti-terror police squad who warn that the Taliban are hiding out in Karachi slums.

Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones ITV3, 9pm Griff Rhys Jones explores Paris. What makes this such a loved capital? Griff encounters some hidden, and bizarre sides of the capital. We all know the view from the Eiffel Tower – but what’s underneath it? Griff takes his life into his hands as he negotiates the Arc de Triomphe.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Mona The Vampire 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 One Minute Wonders 4.35 Half Moon Investigations 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.30 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.45 Jackanory Junior 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary History 11.40 Primary History 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow See highlights. 7.00 Yellowstone Series following the fortunes of America’s wildlife icons in Yellowstone, the most extensive thermal area on Earth. 8.00 Railway Walks Julia walks along the stunning Mawddach estuary in north Wales. The area between Dolgellau and the coastal resort of Barmouth is one of the least visited parts of Snowdonia, but in the 1860s it received a great rush of holidaymakers, taking advantage of the new railway. 8.30 Grow Your Own Drugs Third episode of the six-part series exploring plant-based natural remedies and beauty treatments. 9.00 Heroes While being held hostage, HRG is subjected to Matt Parkman’s unique brand of interrogation. 9.45 That Mitchell And Webb Glimpse It’s not a look, just a glimpse. 10.00 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle. 10.30 Newsnight Stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Storyville The best in international documentaries. 12.50am Travellers’ Century 1.50 BBC News 4.00 Being Chinese 4.35 Telling Tales

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9.55 KNTV Sex 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Gay To Z 11.30 Don’t Make Me Angry 2 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.35 FILM: Crooks In Cloisters (1964) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.10 Sailor Sid 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Mio Mao 8.50 Play! 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 I Own Britain’s Best Home 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.00 FILM: Rescuers: Stories Of Courage - Two Women (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 International Cricket: Twenty20 11.30 Spanish Football 1.30pm Ford Football Special 3.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.30 International Cricket: Twenty20 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Irish League Football 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 LIVE Women’s World Cup Cricket 12.00am LIVE Women’s World Cup Cricket

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Someone has their eye on Mark and Natasha. 7.30 Coronation Street Steve desperately tries to hide the truth from Becky. 8.00 Taking On The Taxman: Tonight Jonathan Maitland reports on just what happens when the taxman gets it wrong and reveals the scale of the problem of taxpayers declared bankrupt by mistake. 8.30 Coronation Street Becky tells Steve they are not fit for marriage. 9.00 Law & Order: UK DS Ronnie Brooks and DS Matt Devlin are forced to reopen a contentious murder case. Their investigations threaten to unravel the conviction of Luke Slade made by James Steel. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder Al Murray offers up more gags and sketches. 11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Buckle up for another side-splitting romp through the wild television frontier! 11.35 FILM: Cadillac Man (1990) Fraught comedy drama about a philandering car salesman. 1.15am Wanted 2.05 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.35 Loose Women 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.20 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer shows Flanders how to enjoy life. 6.30 Hollyoaks Hannah visits a garage to buy Josh a spare motorbike part for his 18th birthday. Carmel finds Warren’s bag of drugs hidden in Sasha’s handbag. Elliot admits to Justin that he kissed Leila. Lauren is jealous of Newt and Anita’s growing friendship. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Home From Home Caroline Irby photographs a child from each country of the world, currently living in Britain. The children discuss their reasons for leaving their countries and their initial impressions of the UK. 8.00 Dispatches: Pakistan’s Taliban Generation See highlighs. 9.00 Watch Out! Bailiffs About This film follows Chris and Danny, two debt collectors, and veteran Brian Pearson. They meet people such as Michelle, who owes 12,000 pounds on a car worth half that, and a retailer, who has borrowed 1.5 million pounds. 10.00 FILM: Gangs Of New York (2002) See film highlights. 1.10am 4 Music: 4Play: Filthy Dukes 1.25 FILM: Dangerous Beauty 3.25 Truel 3.40 In The Time Of Angels 3.55 Mesh 4.00 TVM: Puzzle Maths 2 5.25 We Are From... 5.40 Making It 5.50 Animated Bible Stories

6.00 Home And Away Aden leaves Joey to a terrible fate. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. The team must make a big decision concerning the safety of one of the chimp groups when alpha male Hananya continues to exhibit violent behaviour. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn presents a series examining the feats of science. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show presented by Jason Bradbury and Ortis Deley. Jason plays with an array of musical gadgets and answer the l question – which is the best music format on the market? 9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Robson Green profiles fishing destinations around the globe. 10.00 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary about America’s prisons. 11.00 FILM: Buying The Cow (2002) Comedy in which a man hits the dating scene when his girlfriend gives him two months to decide whether or not he wants to marry her. 12.45am USPGA Golf 1.35 AMA Supercross 2.25 Arenacross 3.15 Race And Rally UK. 3.40 Motorsport Mundial. 4.20 Now Is The Time: Night Of Combat - Kick Boxing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog Consumer news and advice from the Watchdog office. 8.00 EastEnders Peggy takes hold of her campaign, but the family are shocked by the result. Roxy turns down Jack’s help, Danielle takes her relationship with her mother into a new direction, and Heather is cut deep by Minty’s honesty. 8.30 Panorama Panorama reveals how organised crime is defeating attempts to claw back its profits. Samantha Poling goes undercover and shows how drug dealers and money launderers are making a mockery of laws designed to take the proceeds of their crime. 9.00 Rogue Traders A double helping of the consumer show. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Undercover Princes Three bachelor princes come to the UK in search of true love. 11.35 FILM: Trapped (2001) Disaster tale about the aftermath of an avalanche. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: The Victorians 2.10 Sign Zone: Victorian Farm 3.10 Sign Zone: Darwin’s Dangerous Idea . 4.10 Sign Zone: MasterChef 4.40 BBC News

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 World Golf Championship 11.00 Premiership Rugby Union 12.30pm The Super 14 Show 2.30 Premiership Rugby Union 4.00 Masters Tennis 6.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 12.00am Big League Weekend 1.30 Irish Football 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm World Golf Championship 4.00 Live Golf: The Tavistock Cup 9.00 H2O Sports International 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

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Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 1.00 Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A TenYear-Old? 5.00 Futurama (x3) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Road Wars (x3) 1.50am Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Gavin And Stacey (x2) 1.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.30 The Real Hustle: High Stakes (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Legends: Alma Cogan - Fabulous 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 In Search Of Wabi Sabi With Marcel Theroux 10.30 FILM: Ping Pong (2002) 12.25am In Search Of Wabi Sabi With Marcel Theroux 1.55 Proms On Four 2008: Chicago Symphony Orchestra 5.30 Close

3.50pm The Saturdays: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004) 11.10 Coronation Street (x2) 12.10am FILM: Intolerable Cruelty (2002)

3.50pm The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Bribery And Corruption 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.35 Heartbeat 6.45 Ballykissangel 7.50 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Greatest Cities Of The World With Griff Rhys Jones 10.00 Clocking Off 11.00 Liverpool One 12.10am The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 FILM: Picture Perfect (1997) 12.30am Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 ER 12.10am Brothers And Sisters

12.00pm Maury(x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model (x2) 10.00 Pop Goes The Band 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.35 Steptoe And Son 11.15 The New Statesman 11.55 Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em 12.35am The Vicar Of Dibley

2.00pm The US Office 2.30 The US Office 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 How It’s Made (x2) 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: The Prophecy (1994)

12.05pm Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 1.40 Holiday Inn (1942) 3.25 The Movie Geek 3.55 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 6.20 The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 9.00 The Black Swan (1942) 10.30 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 12.10am Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969)

1.00pm Trekkies 2.30 Perfume: The Story Of A Murderer (2006) 5.00 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 7.00 For Your Consideration (2006) 8.30 Trekkies 10.00 Eastern Promises (2007) 11.45 Happiness (1999) 2.05am Requiem For A Dream (2000)

1.00pm American Madness (1932) 2.35 The Dark Corner (1946) 4.30 Reach For The Sky (1956) 7.10 The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997) 9.00 Sherrybaby (2006) 10.50 Infernal Affairs (2002) 12.50am Black Widow (1986) 3.00 Close

7.10am Crooks And Coronets (1969) 9.05 The Password Is Courage (1962) 11.10 Adam’s Rib (1949) 1.00pm Great Catherine (1968) 3.00 Downhill Racer (1969) 5.00 Ride The High Country (1962) 6.40 The Champ (1979) 9.00 Being Human (1994) 11.15 O Lucky Man! (1973) 2.15am The Screening Room k

Classics

Indie