Latest Seven: Issue 415 by Latest Homes

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3/13/09

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t h e city magazine for brighton & h o v e www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 17 – 23 March 2009

FREE WEEKLY

girls on film mathew horne on feminist vampires lady of letters joan bakewell on the importance of free speech

venti anni! two decades of success at donatello, Brighton’s favourite family restaurant page 11

celebrity skin beautique brighton has the solution

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3/13/09

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latest

01273 687171

musicbar

open until 2.30am every night!

The city’s magical live music and party venue tues mar 17

buddy holly show

wed mar 18

a stage kindly’s encore

thurs mar 19

kovak heroes & high heels album launch

music from bonzos’ dave glasson & his band & stories from biographer john gribbin 8pm doors 7pm £7

top cast perform show-stopping tunes from the best musicals 8pm doors open 7pm £10

brighton jukebox live music & videos in our lovely upstairs bar 8pm free

gay tango workshop tango lessons for all 7.30pm £10

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the musicbar needs a manager! see page 20 for full advert call angi on 01273 687171

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fri mar 20

now booking parties & weddings, dance, spill your pints, snog strangers & love the music 8pm £2 civil partnerships, electric itchy fingers retro birthdays… feel good band with boot clickin rock n roll & country music + lee westwood classy folk jazz 8pm £6/£5

fresh set list of funk-soul classics 8pm £6/£5

sat mar 21

kingsize five manic mix of rocking blues & jazzy, dirty swing 8pm £8/£6

sun mar 22

damn dirty humans + support taking electro-pop to a new level; damn dirty & damn good 8pm doors open 7pm £4

roast n jazz with magdalena reising & the blue cafe band 12.30pm till 3.30pm £10 including lunch

mon mar 23

breakthrough with rough trade the perils + sweet sweet lies + the drookit dogs + the pursuit 7.30pm £3

…for the funkiest events call us and book the venue for

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weddings wedding & civil partnership parties call angi on 01273 687171

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street, brighton check our website bn2 1tf. 100 metres up from the pier for full programme

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3/13/09

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Contents ★latest upfront 4–11 4 Social diary at Farrow & Ball launch and Wired Sussex jobs fair

4 Win Spitting Image DVDs or pop CDs 5 Seann falls in love with Polegate 6 CelebCity dresses like The Saturdays 7 Dani blames the other woman 8 Alison polishes her spokes 8 Will prepares to sleep in a squat 9 Interview: Joan Bakewell 10 Bare Cheek: the end is nigh 10 Astral Angi: your party game 11 On the cover: Donatello restaurant celebrates its 20th birthday

★ latest news 12–14 12 News summary and Mary Mears 13 Phil Mills on police falling in love 14 Letters: more support for local food

★ latest listings 19–39 19 Reviews Candi Staton, Ross Noble, Rambert

21 Stage Seeing double at the Sallis Benney

22 Film Mathew Horne says feminists should like Lesbian Vampire Killers

24 Comedy Freezing comedy moments

24 Art Guantanamo Bay uncovered

25 Kids & Events Little Dippers and Brighton Vegan Fayre

25 Books Rock’n ‘poet John Cooper Clarke Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

26 Music Jarvis Cocker. The Rumble Strips, Eastbourne Festival Live and news

14 Sport: Who needs a manager?

29 Clubs

★ latest lifestyle 15–18

30 Gay

15 Andrew‘s dinner date at L’Eglise

32 TV

16 Hotlist. The restaurants we love.

Welcome

Where you should go party! Sometimes it‘s good to be Ghettoized Dani loves Free Agents and flick through our free seven-day TV guide

18 Health: Beautique celebrity skincare

15 23

01273 818150

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Sub Editors Joe Curtin Patrick O’Donnell

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writer Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Administration Claire Peerless Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

26 29

If you were Prime Minister, where would you eat out in Brighton? When Tony Blair ruled the country he and his family dined at Donatello, one of the city‘s best known restaurants. Donatello, which is celebrating its 20th birthday, has seen lots of famous guests over the years – find out who else has eaten there on page 11. The London to Brighton bike ride is coming up again in June and our columnist Alison Swann has bravely volunteered to have a go. Alison has some very powerful personal reasons for attempting the course. Find out more in her column (p8). Meanwhile, on the same page Will has a trial of his own – attempting to stay the night in a squat without getting eaten by a giant rat. Whether you think it‘s funny or outrageous, with all the billboards round Brighton and Hove you can‘t ignore the trashy movie Lesbian Vampire Killers which comes out this week. In the film section, actor Mathew Horne explains why he thinks it is a feminist movie (p23). Talking of strong women, it‘s Mother‘s Day this Sunday. If you haven’t bought her anything yet, don’t worry, we have the perfect solution – how about a facial or a selection of celebrity skincare products from Beautique Brighton? (p18) The big news in the Brighton arts scene this last week has been that Komedia is in financial trouble (p12). Don’t forget that the venue is still open for business and the owners are hoping it will remain so. In fact, The Rumble Strips are playing there next week – music editor Jeff Hemmings had a chat with leader singer Charlie (p26). Our big interview this week is with Joan Bakewell, the broadcaster and now author. She spoke to Ralph Miller about freedom of speech and why she became a novelist in her 70s (p9). In stage, Andrew talks to Liz Aggiss, the “Vivienne Westwood of the dance film world” about her new show (p21), while in his books column John O’Donoghue looks forward to a gig by John Cooper Clarke, the poet who toured with The Fall (p25). City council leader Mary Mears is angry at the treatment given to returning troops in Luton last week – see her column (p12) for how she hopes Brighton and Hove will celebrate the armed forces this summer. In Latest Gay, see pictures from national Student Pride and read about how Ghetto, one of the newest venues on the scene, is shaking up the week to offer creative and cheap as chips nights out (p30).

Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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3/17/09

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04 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Spitting Image – The Complete Fifth Series Steve Coogan lends his vocal talent in this classic 1988 ITV series released by Network this week. Classic moments include Jeffrey Archer appearing on Mastermind and Neil Kinnock being sent on a Mission Impossible. We have two copies to give away to lucky readers. To enter, tell us: What terrestrial channel did Spitting Image first air on? See below for entry details. Entrant must be aged 12 or over.

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Pop Princesses 2009 It’s the rebirth of girl power with the likes of pop princesses Pink, Kylie and Christina Aguilera featuring on this new CD release. Highlights include Katy Perry, Girls Aloud, Jennifer Hudson and Britney Spears. Don’t miss out on this new collection of pop princess hits. To be in with a chance of winning one of three copies tell us: Which member of Girls Aloud is a judge on the The X Factor? See below for entry details.

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Massive R’n’B Spring 2009 A jam-packed two-disc CD of the latest R’n’B chart toppers, classic anthems and urban flavours. Featuring Shontelles’s ‘T-Shirt,’ ‘Rehab’ from Rihanna and Justin Timberlake, this is a spring collection not to be seen without. To be in with a chance of winning one of three copies tell us: What does R’n’B stand for? See below for entry details.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the prize you wish to win in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 31 March

has been wallpaper shopping and getting wired

Clare Topham (Clare Topham Interior Design) and Emma Thorn

Lucy Stentiford, David Kendal (regional manager), Gemma Dalton (showroom manager), Julie Habben, and Cynthia Difford (showroom assistant manager)

New F&B shop Traditional paint and wallpaper manufacturer Farrow & Ball have opened their latest showroom in Hove. Guests, who included local business people, interior designers and decorators, were invited for a glass or two of champagne and canapés to the new showroom that showcases the entire collection of Farrow & Ball wallpapers, paint colours and paint finishes, for the first time in Sussex. The spacious new showroom is in a beautiful Regency building on Western Road. Farrow & Ball produces some of the most environmentally friendly paints and wallpapers in the world.

Helen Hooper (HH Interior Designs) and Ian Casey (Brown & Casey)

Jasmine Shalkoie and Luke Hay (both Wired Sussex)

Wired for success The Wired Sussex Digital Media Jobs and Skills Fair was held at the Corn Exchange. This was a great opportunity for people interested in digital media to meet with companies and digital media course providers and get invaluable, independent careers advice, plus hear from a variety of speakers over the course of the day on subjects like how to get your first job in digital media, what it’s like being a freelancer and how to futureproof your skills. Skills sessions ran throughout the day and included speakers such as Mike Nutley, editor of New Media Age. During the afternoon there was also the Brighton Internship Programme Ceremony Awards which is the most successful of its kind in the country and has placed interns with 25 Brighton-based digital media companies for a scheme which started in September 2008. Awards were presented by Phil Jones from Wired Sussex and Adam Bates, head of tourism at Visit Brighton.

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SEANN’S WORLD | XWORD 05

Seann

Seann Walsh suffers the misfortune of coffee in a cafe, not a café

Café olé? while ago, I suffered the misfortune of having a job interview in Polegate, which, thanks to the corruption of Richard Nixon and the prevalence of a certain tendency in the language of journalism, sounds like a scandal involving a pole. If you don’t know Polegate the place, it's a characterless suburban Legoland sulking somewhere near Eastbourne. It’s the place that you end up in because you ran out of petrol on your way to somewhere worthwhile. The architecture looks as if it's all come out of Ikea flatpacks. Indeed, it is so estranged from imagination, and so small in scale, that to label it as architecture is like labelling Hello! Magazine as literature, or drum and bass as music. I was told in advance by the employer to press the buzzer of a large glass building opposite the station. How city-like it sounded. Leaving the train, I prepared myself for big business. Between a half-hearted attempt at a café and a shop that appeared to sell

nothing but cotton buds and vacuum cleaner attachments, there sat the large glass building. It wasn’t a ‘large glass building’. Only one of those words had any validity: ‘building’. It was legitimately a building, in that it was something that had indeed been built. What they meant by ‘glass building’ was not ‘a building constructed primarily of glass’ but ‘the only building in the area that featured more than two panes of glass’. Language is a slave to relativity. This fact of life was affirmed further by the use of the word ‘large’ in that 66.6 per cent dishonest phrase. Yes, it was large in comparison to the shed-like buildings that surrounded it. Being threestoreys high, it positively dominated the skyline, but so would Peter Crouch if you could convince him to leave Portsmouth, a buzzing metropolis such as it is relative to Polegate. Yes, all things are relative. With half an hour to kill, I decided to risk the café next door to the skyscraper. I

“The ‘e’ of ‘cafe’, on the other hand, means instant coffee and instant disappointment” scanned the décor: Lady Diana memorabilia; a signed photo of Cliff Richard; those odd gingham table cloths, evocative of a tea party in an insane asylum. I ordered a cappuccino. The woman's response: “This is a cafe, not a café.” That acute accent above the ‘e’ says so much about a place. It elongates the word, promoting it from a monosyllable to double that, suggesting a respect for French punctuation, and in turn a certain attitude towards coffee. The ‘é’ of

‘café’ means espresso machines, froth, brown sugar and possibly Wi-Fi. The ‘e’ of ‘cafe’, on the other hand, means instant coffee and instant disappointment. The accent tellingly missing, I had no choice but the latter. She asked if I wanted anything to eat. “I’ll have a sandwich. What’s the vegetarian option?” I asked despite being a carnivore and only out of impudence. She replied: “The LT.” I quickly ate the food, and then attempted to wash away the terrible taste with the coffee. Unfortunately, I then had to wash away the terrible taste of that with some water I’d bought from a newsagent. I was sick of Polegate. So sick, in fact, that I didn’t attend the interview. I went straight to the station, and caught the first train back to Brighton, where the cafés have two syllables.

latestcrossword Cryptic 185

solutions on page 30

Quick 185

ACROSS

DOWN

5 Name the forger (5) 8 Red angel made to appear bigger (8) 9 Three ways in which firm makes food (5) 10 Attractive residence invaded by shifting sand (8) 11 Sweet accompaniment for fish (5) 14 Payment due for poetry? (3) 16 Governed by man in a way no longer alive (6) 17 Fat Reg going to sea in a frenzy (6) 18 Senior policeman with endless guile will probe for answers (3) 20 Bar or post fashioned from elm initially (5) 24 Two-timer is well-built and runs into a fog (8) 25 Business friend makes resin (5) 26 Glance around in two directions to show refinement (8) 27 After fifty always use a forcing aid (5)

1 Irritable little detective, happy but heartless (5) 2 Tasteless group with novice involved (5) 3 New woman turning away from father (5) 4 Man in deep trouble needs hair treated (6) 6 Fish, cream and elk concoction (8) 7 Neglect piano maintenance to make it unmusical? (8) 12 Cops' toys with knee trouble (8) 13 Recommend a barrister (8) 14 Strange bird loses nothing in flying backwards (3) 15 A form of life, for example, with force (3) 19 I see! I see! It's said the French make a feature of winter (6) 21 Mixed drink of big proportions (5) 22 Quiet instrument (5) 23 Direct beast (5)

ACROSS 5 Chess piece (5) 8 Musical group (8) 9 Residence (5) 10 Joyous (8) 11 Decorate (5) 14 Request (3) 16 Time of year (6) 17 Lace-hole (6) 18 Noise (3) 20 Assign (5) 24 Declare (8) 25 Vital organ (5) 26 Be inert (8) 27 Climb (5).

DOWN 1 Golf club (5) 2 Religion (5) 3 Entertain (5) 4 Tongues of fire (6) 6 Neutral (8) 7 Imperil (8) 12 Influenced by weather (8) 13 Particular (8) 14 Also (3) 15 Male name (3) 19 Take fire (6) 21 Misty (5) 22 Remove lid from (5) 23 Assail (5).

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3/13/09

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06 AROUND TOWN

LATEST NEWS 13

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on the love station and a business that is growing despite the climate

Love all Sussex police station has been dubbed “Cupid Central” after nine of its officers married in as many months. Its reputation as a hot-bed of romance has spread and some officers now looking for love are hoping to be transferred there. There have been seven weddings in total since last summer involving nine grooms and brides all of whom found partners while at Bexhill police station. With the town’s police population at just over 80, the marrying officers made up more than ten per cent of its entire force. PCs married other PCs, an Inspector married a police community support officer, a Sergeant married a Detective Constable, while others married police from other stations or people from outside the service. Support officer Sarah Ellis, married joiner Adam Hunt. She said: “It’s only a small station and it doesn’t look a romantic place but there is a lot of love going round. “You can imagine how packed with flowers it was here on Valentine’s Day. All the men were very romantic.” Sarah, the first among the brides to fall pregnant since their wedding days, said jokes were flying round about being careful what seats you sit in at the station in case you are hit by Cupid’s arrow. DC Richard Gill, who married Sergeant Claire Hamblin, said it was all one big coincidence: “I can’t imagine what odds you could have got for this to happen but I doubt if the bookies would have taken my money – they would have accused me of having insider knowledge.” Support officer Rachael Pollen, who married Inspector James Scott, said: “When it comes to love, Bexhill is the place to be. “Who said romance was dead?”

“Jokes were flying round about being careful where you sit in case you are hit by Cupid’s arrow”

Good business Not every business is suffering in the recession and, in fact, some are doing better the usual. Some private security firms in Sussex are receiving more business on the back of police figures showing an increase in burglaries, caused in part by a shrinking jobs market. Anthony Spalding, who runs Brightonbased AP Spalding Protective Solutions Ltd, is one who has seen a rapid growth. The 41-year-old served in the Army (six years with the Coldstream Guards) and the police (14 years as a PC) before launching a close protection service for the rich and famous, including members of the Dubai Royal Family. He’s now expanded into an alarm-response business for homeowners and commercial enterprises. He said: “I saw that burglaries were on the increase and felt I was

well positioned to help fill the market gap.” He is now focusing on linking intruder alarms with a team to respond to call-outs to people’s homes, shops or offices, on a 24-7 basis. Mr Spalding doesn’t regard his business as a private police force or in any way a rival to law enforcement agencies but a service that helps both customers and police. He said: “I just enjoy looking after people and their assets, which they have worked so hard for.” There’s not much to cheer about in the current economic climate but Mr Spalding is proving the old adage still stands – every cloud has a silver lining.

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14 LETTERS | SPORT Congratulations Dear Andrew, I've been meaning to contact you for a long time. I must tell you how much my husband Bob and I enjoy your articles in Latest 7, plus some of the others, particularly the Cheeky Boys – in fact I sent them a supporting letter re the 81 bus. I remember some months ago reading that you are also a North Westerner. Bob and I were both born on the Wirral and I worked for some time in Liverpool then moved to London to pursue my music and drama studies. Bob left the area quite quickly after leaving school to go to RADA so he never really settled into becoming a Wirralian (as dear Paul O'Grady insists we who were born “on the other side of the water“ should style ourselves) What we were thrilled about was reading your great championing of local suppliers, a great many of whom we also have deal with. Particularly: Brian Archer, the Butler's Wine Cellar, Wild Cherry special days out to Newhaven Fish and on the way home we usually stop at the incredible Middle Farm Shop for cider and herbs for the garden, plus other goodies like the jams and chutneys and fudge. Incidentally Bob raves about the newish market in Islingword Place, and although I have tasted the produce I haven't yet paid it a visit myself. I loved your article on oyster tastings, so I just read your article and salivated to my heart's content.The best I ever tasted were at Aldeburgh at a marvellous pub right on Brighton and Newhaven the beach that served Fish Sales, South Quay them with draught Basin Road South, porter. Wow! Aldrington Basin, Portslade Lots of love, Valerie Griffiths

LATEST

LETTERS

A star is born I attended the Valentine’s Day Mascara show held on Sunday 15 February at the Latest Music Bar in Kemp Town. Not only is the venue a breath of fresh air, the show, starring Spice, was a revelation. Never before in Brighton have I watched a performer on the gay scene who is totally original, hugely talented, with catwalk glamour and killer legs. He doesn’t mime, or sing the same overused songs. Neither does he wear tacky costumes. We’re talking bespoke costume design here. His newly written Valentine’s Day Mascara cleverly took the audience through the history of the often broken heart of celebrities. With original wit, live rock music and costumes to make your eyes stand to attention, the show was brave, bold and quite literally brilliant and one that I shall remember for a very long time. If you want to catch a star in the making, I urge you to catch his next show, Hedwig, at the Latest Music Bar in April. Iain Cameron Williams

Send your letters or comments to: letters@thelatest.co.uk You can also send to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

Latest Sport Round ups and rumblings from the Latest Sport bunker

The big cheese Latest Sport’s Joe Curtin takes a look at the point of managers n the Bunker, I’ve noticed we discuss the role of the manager a lot. I asked a friend of mine last month of the importance of the angry, referee-bashing, 4-4-2playing, gum-chewing, trackies mid-week-suit on Saturday, cupsof-tea-throwing, chalkboardwielding babysitters of grown men. “Not that much,” he replied. “It isn’t hard to get a team of professional athletes to do their job properly.” And then, as a proud Charlton Athletic fan, he preceded to highlight his club’s problems that have resulted from Alan Pardew’s tenure. None of which I could disagree with.

football they can, and both are scaring pretty-pretty boy Arsene Wenger. A manager whose legacy cannot be underrated: one so beautiful it has cost him greater success. Arsenal, however, have scraped into the next round of the European Cup, albeit as the better team. The importance of the manager is shown again by Guus Hiddink at Chelsea. I didn’t rate him but he’s got them playing like the powerful Blues again. Big Phil played too Brazilian-style central attack for a centre back-famed game in England. Benitez has got

“The importance of the manager is shown by Guus Hiddink at Chelsea. He’s got them playing like the powerful Blues again” But then, Fulham under Hodgson (it’s March and they’re not in a relegation battle? Roy Hodgson? Crikey), Sgrabia – how do you pronounce that; had it down at Scrabble? It’s a proper noun! – at Sunderland doing better than the great Roy Keane who had, despite his intelligence and love and knowledge of football, the man-management skills of a psychopath – oh… Gianfranco Zola is having West Ham play some of the best football I’ve seen; Brown has Hull punching way above their weight. I see Pardew and Ian Dowie are currently unemployed. Martin O’Neill, unsurprisingly, and David Moyes are threatening to take their smaller clubs – who’d have thought Villa and Everton would be small clubs – to break the big four, and deservedly so. Both managers try to play the most attractive

Liverpool playing fantastic Spain-style football; their destruction of Real has shown that. Will he sign that contract? Scousers, and English neutrals hope so. Liverpool would have won the title, regardless of powerful internal rumblings, were it not for the majesty of Manchester United. Mourinho has made great job of a poor Inter team, but United, aside from the scares caused by their cocksure attitude, were by far the better side. So, do managers matter? Yes, Alex Ferguson has crafted the best team in Europe and it seems hubris is their only weakness. It looks as though English clubs are dominating Europe again this year but, with some way to go, whoever beat Man U must have to be European champions. And so a United-Liverpool final must be the game of the year.

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3/12/09

9:08 AM

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 15

Food & drink Andrew Kay tries to dine discretely at L’Eglise but is spotted…

Ooh la la ou can’t break step in this town without someone noticing it. And before you can say Craig Revel Horwood there are reports of you tangoing down Church Road in a pink tutu with some twinky on your arm. It was the day before Valentine’s Day, but I was unaware that the city had embraced a new concept of Valentine’s weekend, clever marketing but slightly disconcerting if your plans for a nice supper with a new friend are suddenly surrounded by the loved-up residents of Brighton and Hove. Fortunately for me we were in the safe hands of the team at L’Eglise in deepest Hove. I have been to L’Eglise often enough to feel totally comfortable with both the staff and the menu, each as charming as the other. For my guest, Mr R, yes a new initial, it was a little more intimidating. As well as the staff there were also people that I knew dotted about the place, some who came and said hello and some who merely passed on the sighting to colleagues later. Thank you one and all. Anyway to the real point and that of course is the food. Oh what joy to find a menu that is not innovative, cutting edge, nouvelle or simply novel. Au contraire, the food here is classy, classic French bistro – pretty much from start to finish. And to start we had a G&T and a vodka and orange along with small croute piled with a hefty tapenade. I like a gutsy tapenade and this packed a punch. Mr R started his meal proper with tartiflette, the most comforting of peasant dishes and when made well a real delight. This looked pretty perfect although I failed to get my fork in it. My salad of chicory with walnuts and cheese, another classic, hit exactly the right note, light but tasty. Marmite de poisson came next for Mr R and he spent a very happy twenty minutes crossing his bowl of perfectly cooked fish. I certainly had my trad hat on and chose moules frites. To be honest, my appetite was not huge so the idea of a bowl of shellfish in light broth seemed a sensible choice. Of course they came in a huge steel pot and were the plumpest blighters I have seen in a long while. The broth too was simplicity itself, light, fragrant and not thick with cream. I happily sat picking the flesh from the shells. I was equally

“What a joy to find a menu that is not innovative – simply classy, classic French”

happy dipping fabulous fat frite into the soup. Cooked in duck fat and dusted with salt they were delicious, and Mr R agreed. For dessert I was determined not to have the same as every other time I have been, but I failed. So once again I sailed to the isles flottant, the loveliest of puds and basked in a sea of creme Anglaise. Mr R chose the pot au chocolate, rich, dark and yummy – baby food for grown-ups. It put a very wide smile on his face, and as a consequence on mine. I do like to see my guests tucking in and enjoying themselves, nothing looks better than the smile on the face of someone with something tasty in their mouth. L’Eglise is quite brilliant, informal but smart, tasty, affordable, classic and fun. The service is faultless, the food piping hot and generous too, no going home hungry from L’Eglise. I too left with an enormous smile on my face and nice round tummy. L'Eglise Restaurant, 196 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2DJ. Call 01273 220868

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3/11/09

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16 HOT LIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256.

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton, BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

The Coach House

Sevendials Restaurant

Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of home-cooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and Sunday roasts. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, soak up the sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000, www.coachhousebrighton.com

A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Seattle Restaurant This breathtaking restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has great views and the best seasonal, local produce and locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious modern British, by top chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. It’s near Seattle Hotel – or spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton. Call 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF. 01273 542271 www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Early Frog is available Tuesday to Friday at £20/13.95 between noon and 1pm. In the evening, buy one dish from the á la carte menu, get 50 per cent off the second main course (Tuesday to Thursday). Plat du jour at £7.95/9.95. Enjoy a lunchtime bowl of homemade soup with French bread for only £4.95. Gourmet evening on the third Thursday of every month, £49.50 including service for six courses and six glasses of wine. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa French patisserie on Queen’s Road. Everything is prepared each morning on the premises by their French gourmet pastry chef. Front of house serves coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst others. Seating by a mural of the roofs of Paris is relaxing and bohemian. A recent French visitor said: ”The best croissant in Brighton, better than any I found in Paris!” 48 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 01273 777412

too! Daily evening menu of twocourses £10.50, three-courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two-courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–5pm at £11.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle Indian bistro serving stunning food. Relaxed with an informal feel, the emphasis is authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. Daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. For dinner feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala. 42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

New Steine Bistro

L’Église

Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem and very reasonable

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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HOT LIST 17 The Chimney House

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. Enjoy – :“Sanuk” 165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee

experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi or just relax. In Kemp Town Village, just off St George’s Road and College Road. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior and works of local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, 01273 248890

Bars Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton.

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18 HEALTH & BEAUTY

Pamper Days for Birthdays, Brides, Hens or any occassion • Come & enjoy our luxury party room • Pre-wedding treatments leading up to that special day • Group bookings • Luxury experience • Food & drink menus available from £6.75 per person • Goodie bags with a discount on your next visit.

We can build packages to suit starting from as little as £10 for a single treatment or a package from £75. On your Wedding Anniversary come back to us for a 50% discount on a pamper package.

Beautique Brighton 14 Ship Street Brighton BN1 1AD 01273 711077

Beauty’s secret Zara Baker finds a best-kept secret in skincare at Beautique Brighton ermalogica is a product range often referred to as the best-kept secret in the skin care industry. It’s adored by celebrities including Jennifer Aniston (who’s looking fab at 40) and Kelly Brook (glowing at 30). With the extensive range of products available to A-Listers, it’s telling to see why they choose Dermalogica. I visited Beautique Brighton to find out more on the brand. Dermalogica is a pure, no-nonsense range. Every product is formulated with the purest, finest ingredients to promote, improve and sustain skin health. They have no need for overblown claims, They are, as Sarah, manager of the salon says, “affordable, simple, do-what-they-say products”. The Dermalogica range is extensive, so many people will be unsure of where to start. That’s where Beautique Brighton come in. All the therapists are trained at the Dermalogica Institute so they fully understand each product and their benefits. Each facial is unique and customised to the individual client due to the “face mapping” skin analysis. It’s not just a lovely, pampering treatment, thorough training provides individual diagnosis so each step is working specifically for each clients’ skin type. Dermalogica products are famous for what isn’t included as much as for what it is – with no artificial colours, no irritant artificial fragrances or alcohol. Ingredients come from eco-safe sources, are packaged in recyclable containers and are never tested on animals. Brighton celebrity Zoe Ball is a fan for this reason. She said: “I can’t use perfumed products and have to be careful with soaps. I swear by the Dermalogica toner, the intensive moisturiser and lip balm. They make such a difference.” She’s not the only one. Dannii Minogue has said her all-time favourite beauty product is the Dermalogica Special Cleansing Gel. Kelly Brook incorporates the range into her daily routine, saying: “My beauty regime consists mainly of Dermalogica products. I swear by them”. Denise Van Outen unwinds with the help of Dermalogica: “I’m a massive fan of Dermalogica products especially their MultiVitamin Power firm eye treatment. I love Dermalogica facials after a busy week.” A diagnosis at Beautique Brighton for the best products in the range will start a skin-care regime you will soon swear by. There’s a facial designed especially for men and body treatments including two superb body wraps at Beautique. You will be reaping the rewards, combining pampering with exceptional skin care. Don’t forget Mother’s Day! Treat your mum to the gift of beautiful skin. Beautique Brighton are offering two facials for the price of Get the celebrity look for less: one until Friday 27 March.

Beautique Brighton, 14 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 711077.

20% off Dermalogica retail products at Beautique Brighton

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LATEST LISTINGS 19

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON

17 – 23 MARCH

Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Candi Staton A full house aged from 16 to 82 adored her and she paid back in full. Still blessed with an amazing voice she relived the hits like ‘You Got The Love‘ and ‘Nights On Broadway‘. ‘Suspicious Minds‘ was more convincing than Elvis and ‘Stand By Your Man] about strength and understanding not subservience. She inspired with stories of tough times in a man's world as soul was before, well before Candi and her contemporaries Candi Staton

Aretha and Gladys. A great band were joined by the whole crowd for a 20 minute finale – the celebratory ‘Young Hearts Run Free‘. She's Got The Love! The Old Market 25 February

★★★★★ Bill Smith Ross Noble Ross Noble has a remarkable mind, skipping from one subject to the next, interrupting himself and spending the entire first half of the show simply interacting with the audience and skiffing off them. He’s a funny man who even finds material from his recent tragedy of losing his home and worldly possessions in the recent Australian bush fires. At times more thought-provoking than laugh out loud hilarious, Noble is still a completely unique and rather marvellous fellow. Dome Concert Hall, 4 March

★★★★✩ Victoria Nangle

Ross Noble

Alice Formerly known as Blueprint, Alice are a six-piece band featuring a trumpet, trombone, keyboards plus the usual guitar, bass and drums set-up. Unfeasibly young (the bassist is 15 apparently), their indie-skaglam sound is raising eyebrows and developing interest wherever they play. One of their signature songs 'The Young and Lost Club' sums up their style and sound – blaring horns, ska rhythms, vocal harmonies, keys and a rip roaring guitar solo. It's all in there, gelled by Dom Pearson's incisive, world-weary lyrics. A band to keep a close eye on. The Brunswick pub, 7 March

★★★★✩

Hot review of the week Rambert Dance Company Rambert once again deliver the goods in an programme that proves their vast talent and versatility. Starting with the emotionally charged sweep of Eternal Light Mark Baldwin’s collaboration with Howard Goodall and Michael Howells shows the company at their ensemble best, even in this pared down touring setting. In fact with less setting the eye focused more on the dance. Stunning playing from the pit and brilliant soloists made this a magical start to an evening in which they went on to prove that soloists and ensemble are better than ever. They also reaffirmed their

Jeff Hemmings

ability to entertain with a witty setting of Saint-Saëns Carnival of the Animals that sent us home smiling. Theatre Royal, 4 March

★★★★★

Not One Thing... But Another A taster of the local comedic talent mixing stand-ups and improvisation. Claire Parker had some winning gags to open and moments of smiles in the audience, Adam Smith's deadpan delivery came across as reassuringly experienced with a likeable persona easily warmed to, and Karl Davison told amenable stories that amused but didn't prompt much out loud laughter. The last comic Marie Vagen was winningly entertaining, and simply needed more conviction in her delivery. The topper of the improv troupe Accidentally/On Purpose was great fun and left a happy and entertained room. Marlborough Theatre, 25 February

Andrew Kay

Lesbian Vampire Killers p23

21 Stage Double Vision at Sallis Benney

22 Film Mathew Horne on Lesbian Vampire Killers

24 Comedy The comedy cul-de-sac

24 Art Life in art, community action documented

25 Events & kids The Brighton Vegan Fayre, Little Dippers evening

25 Books John Cooper Clarke reviewed

26 Music Brighton Festival Preview; reviews; gigs

29 Clubs Seven nights and seven sins. Coincidence?

30 Gay News and nights out

32 Television Dani on Free Agent; TV film highlights

★★★✩✩ Victoria Nangle

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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20 ROYAL PAVILION

Prince Charming latest Head back in history as the Royal Pavilion welcomes a special guest Sake Deen Mahomed On the weekend of Saturday 4 and Sunday 5 April, Regency history will be brought to life as the Prince Regent and his closest servants visit the Royal Pavilion. It is 1819 and the Prince Regent is struggling with his popularity. The only people who seem to like him are his ‘shampooing surgeon’ Sake Deen Mahomed and the Prince’s mistresses… Eavesdrop on the gossip of the day – has Lady Hertford, until recently mistress to the Prince, really been replaced by Lady Conyngham? Observe how the unpopular but fashionable Prince tries to cheer himself up with new shoes and clothes! And learn the fascinating story of Sake Deen Mahomed, the original ‘Doctor Brighton’ and first celebrity hairdresser. To experience a taste of nineteenth century court life, join the Private Prince on Saturday 4 or Sunday 5 April 2009, between 11am – 4pm in the Royal Pavilion, Brighton. Royal Pavilion Tea Room and Royal Pavilion Gift Shop. Admission fee payable. Brighton and Hove Residents (with proof of residency) £4.40 plus up to four children free. Adult £8.80. Child (5-15yrs) £5.10. For info call 03000 290902 or go to www.royalpavilion.org.uk. The Royal Pavilion, Entrance in Royal Pavilion Gardens, Brighton BN1 1EE Open daily (April to September 9.30am–5.45pm; last admission 5pm) Wheelchair accessible (ground floor only), accessible toilet, baby changing facilities. This event is supported by www.trevorsorbie.com

musicbar The city’s hottest live music and party venue

musicbar manager we are looking for an experienced, responsible and hardworking person to manage this busy music venue reporting to the owners. must be an energetic bar manager with lots of ideas to increase turnover; good at managing staff, musicians and DJs and brilliant with the public. must be prepared to work and enjoy late hours on fridays and saturdays until around 3–4am. this is a fantastic opportunity for someone wanting to run a busy music and popular arts venue.

ring angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk

5 holidays to be won! Book a tanning course for £40 or more by 31st March 2009 to enter. T U B E S TAT I O N H O L I DAY O F F E R 47 St James’s Street, Brighton 01273 673421

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STAGE 21 Anyone who has failed to catch Liz Aggiss in performance is missing out on an exuberant experience, often comic and frequently moving but perhaps explained in her own words.‘‘I am Liz Aggiss. That is liz…aggiss…all one word lower case… lizaggiss. I am an artist, an artiste, a performer, choreographer, film-maker, a hybrid, an interdisciplinary merchant, an artapprentice, a women driven and on the edge of a mission. I make expressionistic, uncompromising, challenging, live work characterised by a trademark grotesque stylised performance vocabulary in dance/dance theatre, dance for camera/screen dance, performance art/live art, screen dance installation/performance installation. I have dodged categorisation and been classified as unclassifiable. I have been described as the Vivienne Westwood of the dance film world, fearless and satirical, funny, powerfully disturbing, dominant and yet vulnerable. I live and work in Brighton.’’

“I am Liz Aggiss. That is liz… aggiss… all one word lower case… lizaggiss”

Double trouble Liz Aggiss and Charlotte Vincent are talking the talk and dancing the dance at the Sallis Benney ouble Vision is a brand new live art, dance and discussion evening with influential anarchic performer Liz Aggiss and internationally acclaimed choreographer Charlotte Vincent. A female double act with a combined age of 96, Double Vision explores the relationship between director and performer, between conceptual complexity and physical simplicity, between seriousness and humour. A kind of female Morecambe and Wise doing a bit of self-penned Beckett.

Stage listings Tuesday 17 to Monday 30 March

Vincent Dance Theatre has been making and touring devised dance theatre work since 1994. Artistic Director Charlotte Vincent is ‘one of the UK’s most challengingly theatrical choreographerdirectors’ (The Observer), producing middle-scale productions every other year. These productions tour extensively in the UK and abroad, accompanied by an extensive programme of participation work. Charlotte regularly curates international research and performance projects, mentors emerging practitioners and choreographs commissioned works for other companies. An Audience with Liz Aggiss and Charlotte Vincentis a provocative, unscripted conversation between the two women looking at age, beauty, performance, creativity and humour, followed by an open discussion with the audience. Sallis Benney, 7pm on Weds 18 March. Tickets from www.brightonticketshop.com (aka Dome Box Office) 709709

• 17 Mar, 7.30pm, £10–£23.50 As One 2009 Eastbourne and Hailsham schools Consortium present music, dance and drama, • 24–25 Mar, 7pm, £5

for them to clash too. • 17–21 Mar, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat. £tbc

Worthing: Connaught Theatre Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre

Brighton Dome

The Capitol, Horsham

01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Jasmin Vardimon Company – Justitia Daring dance theatre. • 17 Mar, 8pm, £10–£17.50 Terry Garoghan – Sing-a-Long-a-Brighton The Musical Timeless classics including ‘A Businessman in Whitehawk.’ • 21 Mar, 8pm, £18 How The Giraffe Got Its Neck Two plucky explorers answer probing questions. Ages 4+. • 21 Mar, 11am and 2pm, £7 adults, £5 children, £22 two adults and two children Let’s Dance 2009 Dance from Brighton and Hove schools and groups. • 23–26 Mar, 7pm, £7 Dorothy Stringer Dance Show 2009 School dance special. • 27–28 Mar, 7pm, £7 The Crucible By Arthur Miller. • 28–30 Mar, 7.45pm, £8/6.50

01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com The Cherry Orchard Chekhov’s classic. • 18 Mar, 7.30pm, £12.50/11 That’s Entertainment Too Musical journey of stage and film from the 1930s to present day. • 19–21 Mar, contact venue for times, £11 Annie The famous family musical. • 25–28 Mar, contact venue for times

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Blonde Bombshells of 1943 Musical comedy based on the award-winning TV film. • 17–21 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50 Pack Of Lies Loyalty to friends or country? • 23–28 Mar, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mat, 2.30pm, £13.50–£21

Chichester Festival Theatre

Sallis Benney Theatre

01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk The Last Cigarette Dramatisation of Simon Gray’s The Smoking Diaries. Candid and probing. • 17 Mar–11 Apr, contact venue for times/£

University of Brighton, Grand Parade 01273 709709 Double Vision See above. • 18 Mar, 7pm. £8/5

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

Theatre Royal

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Circus of Horrors – Apocalypse In The Asylum Brand new show filled.

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal God of Carnage Starring Richard E Grant. When children clash the parents meet up, only

01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Stones In His Pockets Comedy. • 18 Mar, 7.30pm, £17

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Honk Musical based on The Ugly Duckling. • 18–21 Mar, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £10–£12 Chinese National Circus – Buddha Martial arts,theatre and acrobatics in oriental tradition. • 22 Mar, 3pm and 7pm, £25/22.50/20

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22 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 17 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.00, 5.45 GOMORRA (15) 8.45 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.40, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.45, 1.45, 3.20, 4.45, 6.15, 7.45, 9.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 1.15, 5.30, 8.15 THE UNBORN (15) 3.30, 8.45 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 8.00

Wednesday 18 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.00, 5.45 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.40, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.45, 1.45, 3.20, 4.45, 6.15, 7.45, 9.00 PAUL BLART: MALL COP (PG) 1.15, 6.30 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 1.15, 5.30, 8.15 THE UNBORN (15) 3.30, 8.45

WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 8.00

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

Thursday 19 AUSTRALIA (12A) 10.30am CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.00, 5.45 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.40, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 10.45, 12.45, 1.45, 3.20, 4.45, 6.15, 7.45, 9.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 1.15, 5.30, 8.15 THE UNBORN (15) 3.30, 8.45 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 8.00

Films showing Friday 20–Monday 23 FORTHCOMING FILMS: DUPLICITY, LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Marley And Me

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 17

Saturday 21

BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFRED GARCIA (18) 11am BRONSON (18) 3.30, 8.30 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 1.30, 6.00

IL DIVO (15) 2.00, 9.00 MET OPERA: LA SONNAMBULA 4.45, 5.00 MY NAME IS BRUCE (18) 11.30pm THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX (U) 11.00am

Wednesday 18 BRONSON (18) 3.30, 8.30 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 11.00, 1.30, 6.00

Thursday 19 BRONSON (18) 3.30, 8.30 WENDY AND LUCY (15) 1.30, 6.00

Friday 20 IL DIVO (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 IN THE NIGHT GARDEN: MAKKA PAKKA’S PILE OF THREE (U) 11.55am IN THE NIGHT GARDEN: WHERE ARE THE WOTTINGERS? (U) 11.00am THE SPIRIT (12A) 11.00pm

Sunday 22 IL DIVO (15) 1.30, 6.30, 9.00 STRANGERS (15) 4.00

Monday 23 IL DIVO (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00 IN THE NIGHT GARDEN: MAKKA PAKKA’S PILE OF THREE (U) 11.55am IN THE NIGHT GARDEN: WHERE ARE THE WOTTINGERS? (U) 11.00am KEITH JAMES: POET IN NEW YORK (no certificate) 8.30 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 17

Thursday 19

BOLT 3D (PG) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 1.30, 4.00, 9.20 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.10, 6.00, 8.50 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 9.10 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 9.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 THE INTERNATIONAL (15) 6.30 THE UNBORN (15) 11.50, 2.20, 4.40, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.45, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 WATCHMEN (18) 12.40, 4.20, 8.00

Wednesday 18

Films showing Friday 20–Monday 23

BOLT 3D (PG) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40 CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (PG) 9.20 GRAN TORINO (15) 12.30, 3.10, 6.00, 8.50 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 9.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 THE UNBORN (15) 11.50, 2.20, 4.40, 7.10, 9.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.45, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 WATCHMEN (18) 12.40, 4.20, 8.00

FORTHCOMING FILMS: DUPLICITY, LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 17–Thurs 19 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) (Mon, Thurs) 8.00, (Wed) 2.30

Tues 17–Thurs 19 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 7.30

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Marley And Me (PG) Dir: David Frankel Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston are those loved up newlywed kids, moving into their new home with their new dog Marley. Boisterous, fun and hardly disciplined, Marley is much loved and helps guide the couple through the trials and tribulations of adapting to marriage. A feelgood learning comedy type film. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Gran Torino (15) Dir: Clint Eastwood Back in Dirty Harry hard man mode, Clint stars and directs this piece about a Korean veteran turning local hero when a neighbourhood kid tries to steal his 1972 Gran Torino. There are far, far better things than gangs – so says the Eastwood. Nice twist at the end, this is what would have happened if Dirty Harry had grown old with a white picket fence. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Lesbian Vampire Killers (15) Dir: Phil Claydon Flavours of the year Mathew Horne and James Corden star as two gormless hiking mates who trip over a nest of lesbian vampires in Wales. As you do. More than a little silly, this comic horror has matehood pitted against mythical creatures and Brit gags galore. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon

Bronson (18) Dir: Nicolas Winding Refn Biopic of the infamous British career inmate Charles Bronson, formerly known as Michael Peterson of Aberystwyth. Starring Tom Hardy (RocknRolla) and Brightonians Matt King and James Lance as his boxing promoter and art teacher, this tells a story of a man that has spent more time inside than out, 30 years of which was in solitary confinement. Showing at Duke Of York’s

The Young Victoria (PG) Dir: Jean-Marc Vallée With a producer that’s an ex royal (Sarah Ferguson) you’d be forgiven for thinking that this was all about Royal bashing. Nothing of the sort. Emily Blunt’s strong portrayal of a princess and then Queen fighting for her own will and her romance with Prince Albert is sympathetic to the humanity of the difficulties she faces. Fab but not stuffy period fare. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Watchmen (18) Dir: Zack Snyder Based on the mega successful graphic novel‘s high hopes and great expectations are on the shoulders of this bad boy. Based in an alternative 1985, with costumed vigilantes the norm, a group of superheroes come together to investigate the death of one of their own. Not a disappointment to fans and perfectly understandable to fresh eyes. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Il Divo (15) Dir: Paolo Sorrentino A pretty exhaustive history of Italian politics since 1946. Goodbye El Duco, hello Giulio Andreotti – Italy’s Prime Minister seven times since he first kicked off when the war in Europe ended. Nominated for the Palm D’Or, this biopic has received much praise from its European audience. Showing at Duke Of York’s Wendy & Lucy (15) Dir: Kelly Reichardt Michelle Williams performs the subtle low-fi role of Wendy in this tale of struggle and isolation. When her car breaks down during her long journey to Alaska, and her dog, Lucy, goes missing, Wendy finds herself alone, low on funds and falling through one tough situation into another. A delicately constructed picture underpinned by self-determination. Showing at Duke Of York’s

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FILM 23

Girl power Mathew Horne on slapstick, buddy banter and why Lesbian Vampire Killers can be seen as a feminist text s there a straight man/funny man dynamic between you and James Corden? Yes, although there’s a certain dynamic set up. I don’t quite know how to put it really as I don’t quite know what it is, but I think I’m funny in a different ways to James’s funny. That’s all I can tell you. I have quite a bit of slapstick so it’s not as simple as one of us does that, and one does witty banter. It’s funny in different ways. I haven’t watched enough of us to analyse it that much; I don’t know what it is yet, so it’s still evolving. When we do our sketch show it will evolve even more and I think by the end of that, I’ll probably know exactly what it is and I’ll be able to put it in good media soundbites for you! At the moment it’s ‘A clown and a straight man, and some blurring!’

How does your relationship work in this film? It’s about a relationship between two men and, comedically, it’s

“It feels like it has a little of a sitcom, a bit of silent film, and a bit of classic buddy movie ” about their vernacular, the type of banter that one has with a good friend. As you say it’s about dialogue and there’s slapstick, which is also intrinsically involved in the gore and the effects. It feels like it has a little of a sitcom feel, a bit of silent film, and a bit of classic buddy movie. And a bust up with your girlfriend prompts your character’s adventure? Yeah. She’s a super mega bitch. She dumps me because

she’s having an affair with somebody else and as soon as she dumps me she finds out the guy she’s having the affair with is married and she comes back after me. An equally hard woman has sacked James from his job, so we decide to go off hiking together. My ex comes to get me back. She wants to resolve everything just as I’m trying to do something positive in life by going away and having a good time with my mate. She comes back but she ends up dead. She gets a double whammy. Amazingly, this is not the first lesbian vampire film… Yeah, there’s something called The Hunger and a film about lesbian kickboxers. Heard of that? Yep, there are lesbian vampire kickboxers.

Win cinema tickets to a film of your choice at the Odeon Brighton For a chance to win this week’s tickets, answer this question: How do you kill a vampire? a) Shoot it with a silver bullet. b) Drive a stake through its heart. c) Use Kryptonite. Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Lesbian Vampire Killers’ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page 3. Closing date for entries is Monday 30 March. The winner will get a pair of tickets to see a film of their choice. Proof of age may be required.

Is horror close to your heart? Because you’re establishing yourself as a comic actor… I would like to continue to see myself as a comic actor. Thank you. You can put that in. Journalists always ask ‘Do you want to do different things?’ But I’m more than happy to do what I’m doing. I absolutely love what I can just about do, and it can embody other things such as horror. I studied film at university and a big part of that study was to examine their meanings and whatnot, particularly the feminist angle.

Have any of your friends given you stick about the title? There’s an angry lesbians petitioning your film on their website… I think that was inevitable and the simple argument for them is that — and I don’t take them too seriously, maybe I should — it can also be read as a feminist text movie, because they are strong women. We are dumped and ditched by strong women and we were attacked by strong women and these are strong women who can destroy men and want to destroy mankind! So the flip side of it is that it is a feminist text. All my female friends burst out laughing when they hear the title. I think it’s a really exciting title and think it makes people want to see it. Lesbian Vampire Killers is out on Friday 20 March.

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24 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle poses the question – what happens next at a comedy cul-de-sac?

omedy cul-de-sacs are lethal. Anyone who goes to see live comedy regularly will recognise this term as what happens when a comic is chatting away with the audience and then runs out of funny. Whether it’s taking the mickey out of the entire front row’s occupations drawn to a halt by a hospice worker – you cannot ridicule the worthy – or simply no conclusion to a topic, these are glaring hiccups in any night. Sometimes it can be an unexpected curve ball from an audience member. As well as the invincible worthy audience members, a punter can throw a comic any number of ways without meaning to. A particularly loud laugh. A shattering pint glass. A refusal to come out from the feotal position and answer any questions at all. All of these are easily overcome by more experienced comics. Essentially the event draws attention away from the comic and, unless the comic can come up with an Oscar Wilde-worthy quip honed for the moment, are best ignored. There’ll be a stop to the proceedings and then the comic will start the night up again.

“... these, unless the comic can come up with an Oscar Wilde-worthy quip honed for the moment, are best ignored” How a comic deals with these are quite telling. Do they go down the spiralling pit of reaching for that killer put down to the squeaky door at the back? Do they simply raise an arched eyebrow in a knowing fashion? Or do they simply drop to a low bow to the wailing sirens passing by? Obviously, if it’s a delicate matter the best thing to do is acknowledge that and then carry on to a new topic. Doesn’t always happen that way. I saw a gig a while back in which a seasoned comic started down the route of proven material they had about city foxes. Unaware there was a large party from the Countryside Alliance in, who knew a lot more about foxes than the comic did. Did they stop? Did they, bally! And all they got for their perseverance was a lot of heckling and evidence of a very bruised ego by the end of the show. Respect the highway code of the gig! It’s easier to move forward when you’ve got to reverse less.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “There are lots of things we don’t know. I can’t think of any at the moment,” Gerry Howell

Tuesday 17 Katy and Rach Make Stuff Up Two award-winning actresses, one story, real characters. One hour. Completely improvised. Three And Ten, 7:30pm, £7/5.

Thursday 19 Prince Arthur Comedy Night A lovely night of free comedy featuring new acts on the Brighton and Hove comedy

Saturday 20 Krater Comedy Club

A community archive shows what happens with a little people power Rattling the Cage is a community archive of documents, textiles, photography and film used in the ‘Save Omar’ campaign, which has been curated by Louise Purbrick. It demonstrates the power of improvisation. As a group of people from Brighton, Worthing and Eastbourne began to work together for the return of Guantánamo detainee Omar Deghayes to his home in Saltdean, they developed skills and materials that could be called an art of politics: they wrote letters and plays, performed on the street and for the screen. They also created posters, postcards, badges and clothing. The exhibition of their archive is an opportunity to reflect upon how the creativity of local people can be used to effect political change. Omar Deghayes was finally released in December 2007 after more than six years imprisoned without charge or trial. Rattling The Cage, Phoenix Gallery, until 21 March.

Art listings Bellis Gallery 8-9 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 747429 Patrick O’Donnell New work from this gifted local artist whose work embraces the figurative, and sometimes the apocalyptic. Intense, yet radiant. •Mon, Wed–Sat 10.30am–6.30pm, Sun 11.30am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

Comedy listings circuit. Prince Arthur Pub, 8:30pm, free Comedy Double Bill: Russell Kane & Simon Brodkin Last year’s if.comedy nominee and the awardwinning character comic come together for a night of laughs. Komedia, 7pm, £12/10.

Shaking it up

Fun weekend comedy from Will Smith, Craig Campbell and Carey Marx. MC Stephen Grant. Komedia, 7pm & 10:30pm, £16.50. Lady Garden A sparkling sketch show written and performed by six young women. Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived. •Until 26 April Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in

many years and include modern, local, international and historical works. •Until 13 April

Phoenix Gallery 10-14 Waterloo Place, Brighton 01273 603700 Rattling The Cage Anthem Exhibition and campiagn against the injustice of Guantanamo. •Until 21 March, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Pelham House St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes 01273 488600 Artizan Editions Exhibition of printamkers from Artizan Editions plus Hungarian printmaker Nagy Sandor Zoltan, exhibiting for the first time in the UK. Until 29 April,

Tin Drum St James’s St, Brighton Greg Sturges Photography, acrylics and mixed media are

usd by Greg, making images of his home town that celebrate diversity and the fun side of living here. Until 20 March, Mon-Wed 10am-11pm, Thurs-Sat 10am-1am, Sun 10-10.30pm

Ink_d Gallery North Road, Brighton 01273 645299 Stanley Donwood Printed papers shows a selection of Donwood’s limited edition prints from his artwork that includes work for Radiohead, plus prints from his recent ‘London Views’ series. •20 March-10 April, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Ropetackle Centre Little High Street, Shoreham-by-Sea 01273 464440 Peru: Life On The Outskirts Photographic work by Radek Hlavacek, detailing the lives an social deprivation •Until 15 April, Thurs & Fri 10am-4pm, Sat 10am-1pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 25

Write club

Events highlights

John O’Donoghue on a hero of the poetic word who is appearing in Brighton very soon ho has opened for The Sex Pistols, toured with The Fall, lived with Nico, played himself in Control, and got namechecked by Alex Turner of The Arctic Monkeys? Could it be the same guy who played straight man to the Honey Monster in a Sugar Puffs advert? Step right up John Cooper Clarke, appearing at the Komedia on 24 March in a rare outing. Johnny Clarke, ‘the name behind the hairstyle’, will be delighting punters who love such all-time classics as ‘Evidently Chicken Town’, ‘I Married A Monster From Outer Space’, and ‘Kung Fu International’. Christened the first ‘Punk Poet’ by Tony Wilson of Factory fame, JCC says his biggest influence is Peter O’Sullevan, the old BBC racing commentator. Not for him the namby pambyness of iambic pentameter – Cooper Clarke rhymes to the rhythm of pile-ups, and gets more f words into a poem since Philip Larkin complained about his mum and dad.

W Little Dippers hospice event

Cabaret night fundraiser Stars 2009 is a special fundraising event for the Chestnut Tree House Hospice taking place this Friday 20 and Saturday 21 March. The ACM Gospel Choir entertain on the Friday night. As seen on BBC’s Last Choir Standing, don’t miss this evening of entertainment in aid of a good cause. If you like to dance the night away, join in the second night of fundraising entertainment on Saturday. A live band will perform swing, soul, Motown, Rat Pack and country and western hits well into the night. Stars 2009, fundraiser for the Chestnut

Veggie power March is National Veggie Month so make it along to Brighton Vegan Fayre at the Brighton Centre this Saturday 21 March. Promising to be a superb day out, the day sees music entertainment from Macka B and The Clive Palmer Band and more. World famous escapologist David Straitjacket and contortionist Rubber Ritchie will take part in two live shows. As well as this, there will be around 140 stalls on two levels, stacks of special offers and free tasters in the main hall and talks and demos during the day. Children will be kept occupied in the kids area with various stalls and entertainment. Keep your energy up at the themed vegan juice bars, snack bars and restaurant before heading back. The Brighton Vegan Fayre, Saturday 21 March, 11am–7pm, £8/4 children under 12. More info at www.veganfayre.co.uk

Events listings Friday 20 Little Dippers Relaxation Evening in aid of the Chestnut Tree House Massage, reflexology, facials, Bowen Technique sessions, manicures and hair consultations, raising funds for the Chestnut Tree House. Raffle. (Places are limited – book early to avoid disappointment. Call Little Dippers on 01273 621210. Little Dippers Teaching Pool, 8pm–11pm, £20.

Stars 2009 Fundraiser for the Chestnut Tree House. The ACM Gospel Choir entertain in the first half of this fundraising weekend. Clair Hall, 7:30pm, £12/10.

Saturday 21 Stars Cabaret Night Dance the night away to swing, soul, Motown, Rat Pack and country and western hits, with by a live band. Call the box office on 01444 455440. Clair

“Cooper Clarke rhymes to the rhythm of pile-ups ” I first heard him in the seventies, and I’ve been a fan ever since. I even have his very rare book from the early eighties, Ten Years In An Open Necked Shirt. It cost me halfnothing, and now it’s going for a hundred pounds a pop on Amazon. Beat that, Mr Motion. In fact, now we get some say in the choice of new Poet Laureate, I’d like to propose John Cooper Clarke for the role. The man has everything: elegance – sartorial and syntactical; wit to match the best of Prince Philip’s; and a great love of corgis. And dinky toys, I hear. Anyone who can write: ‘Belladonna is your flower/Manslaughter your meat/Spend a year in a couple of hours/On the edge of Beasley Street’ would get my vote. Hell, I’ve never even been to Beasley Street, but every time I go down London Road I’m there. So it’s John Cooper Clarke for me. I suggest you check him out. Johnny Rotten, Mark E Smith, Nico, Ian Curtis, and Alex Turner can’t all be wrong. And nor can the Honey Monster. John Cooper Clarke, Komedia 24 March, 8pm, 7.30pm. £15. Call 0845 2938480

Book listings Hall, 7:30pm, £20 inc refreshments. The Brighton Vegan Fayre The Vegan Fayre is here with famous escapologist David Straitjacket, contortionist Rubber Ritchie and singer songwriter Robb Johnson confirmed. More info at www.veganfayre.co.uk Brighton Centre, 11am–7pm, £8/4 under 12s.

Tuesday 17 Joan Bakewell City Books presents Joan Bakewell, who will be discussing her new book All The Nice Girls. This captures the danger and excitement of wartime Britain. A romantic wartime novel. The Old Market, 6:30pm, £6 includes a glass of wine.

Friday 20 Martyn Waites Tight Lip present their special guest,

author Martyn Waites, presenting his new book Speak No Evil. The Permanent Gallery, 7.45pm, £tbc\

Coming up... Thursday 26 March Pam Ayres Pam Ayres returns to The Hawth for an evening of humorous poetry and lighthearted tales. Tickets available from the box office on 01293 553636 The Hawth, 8pm, £17.50.

Saturday 28 March City Readings – Library Coffee Mornings Free library readings/ discussions on The Book Thief with actress Peta Taylor. Hove Library, 11:30am, free.

Photo: Tim Duncan

A special pampering evening takes place at Little Dippers Pool in Brighton this Friday 20 March, in aid of the Chestnut Tree House Hospice. Organised by Sally Johnson from Little Dippers pool, feel rejuvenated and relaxed with treatments including massage, reflexology, facials, manicures and hair consultations. Take part in the raffle and support a good cause. LIttle Dippers Pool, Upper Gardner Street, Brighton, 8–11pm, places limited to book call 01273 621210.

Tree House Children’s Hospice, Saturday 21 March with the ACM Gospel Choir, Clair Hall, Perrymount Road, Haywards Heath, 7.30pm. Tickets £12/10. Stars 2009 Cabaret Night, Sunday 22 March, also at Clair Hall, 7.30pm, £20 including refreshments. Cal 01444 455440.

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26 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

Ready to rumble Charlie from The Rumble Strips took some time out to talk to Jeff Hemmings The Maccabees

news ▲

Winter sounds A first class line-up of bands and DJs will descend upon Eastbourne’s Winter Garden on 24 and 25 April. Acts confirmed for 24 April include Brighton’s The Maccabees, and Friendly Fires, who are fresh from playing the NME Awards tour. Supporting will be the hotly tipped The Joy Formidable, plus London based Data Select Party, who are originally from Eastbourne. The 25 April will be more DJ orientated, with headliners Chase and Status and Andy C taking to the main stage.

▲

Recommendations Blogging has become part and parcel of the internet communication landscape, as every Tom, Dick and Harry decide to inflict their opinions upon the world. But there is some good to be had. And Brighton-based music blog www.therecommender.net is one of those; a popular taste-maker developing a reputation. Mike Bradford is behind this one, and he’s put together a good looking site that concentrates on new music from around the globe.

he revival in prebeat music can be heard everywhere it seems, even in darkest, deepest Devon, which in places evokes a land that time forgot. Which is no bad thing, as Devon’s The Rumble Strips have proved over the last couple of years with their indie rock’n’roll hybrid. There are hints of it in the haircuts and dress sense; a sort of less preening version of American Grafitti. Much more rough ’n’ ready these boys, as befits their rural roots (it’s really the domain of urbanites to over wax and ween; likewise you wont find any ‘orange’ victims in the countryside either)… So, The Rumble Strips, a name that evokes drag strips, racing cars and softball teams… “I was playing i-spy with my brother, and his question was something beginning with R. Rumble Strips are those strips (bumps) on the side of the road, that separate the road from the hard shoulder…” Well, goddam! I never knew that, and thank lead singer Charlie for bringing me up to speed on that one. I subsequently learn that this is an American term, used on ‘highways’; again, befitting a rural English band who are plainly in love with the sound of early rock ’n’ roll and the American Dream. “Yes, I’m totally into early

the

Big

Jarvis Cocker Back to promote a new solo album, it’s Jarvis the marvellous. Tuesday 16 June, Dome

gig

rock ’n’ roll,” says Charlie, “like early doowop.” (note the emphasis on ‘early’, a sign of a true fan). He namechecks acts such as Billy Ward & The Dominoes and Dion & The Belmonts. Bill Ward’s band contained both Clyde McPhatter (who went on to form The Drifters) and Jackie Wilson. Which brings us to those comparisons with Kevin Rowland of Dexy’s Midnight Runners, and who had a big hit with their homage to Jackie Wilson. “Yeah, I met him once for an NME interview, where we interviewed each other. We both said we didn’t sound like each other. And they never ran the interview!” The new Rumble Strips material has been produced by uber-producer Mark Ronson, and Waller says expect a much more grand, less rattly sound. The Rumble Strips, Tuesday 24 March, Komedia

UPCOMING GIGS Rumble Strips 24 March, Komedia Hugh Cornwell 25 March, Concorde 2 Mr Hudson 25 March, Hanbury The Beat 27 March, Concorde 2 Nick Harper 28 March, Latest Music Bar Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome PJ Harvey 15 April, Corn Exchange Bat For Lashes 16 April, Corn Exchange Doves 16 April, Dome Gary Moore 17 April, Dome The Rakes 21 April, Concorde 2 Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, B’ton Centre Diamanda Galas 2 May, Dome

Gallows 2 May, Concorde 2 Art Brut 6 May, Concorde 2 The Levellers 11 May, Parlure Spiegeltent Orquesta Aragon 12 May, Dome Great Escape 14-16 May Bon Iver 18 May, Dome Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Antony & The Johnsons 21 May, Dome Katy Perry 2 June, Dome Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome Loop 11/12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28-31 August Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre

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BARS & CLUBS 27

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 March

Tuesday 17

Pete Doherty

Guided By Lights + Long Goodbye + The Sea Will Decide Indie folk by Brighton five-piece. Prince Albert, 8pm, £4/3. The Life And Music of Buddy Holly performed by Glasson White Postponed from Monday 2 February. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7

Wednesday 18 Joe Gideon & The Shark Back after a recent Nick Cave support slot. Freebutt, 8pm, £5 Mista Kite + Bad Sandwich + Son of Robot Playing a mix of rock and funk with a hint of blues. Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 Open Mac night Showcase night for electronic music talent; bring down your samplers and laptops. Sidewinder, 9pm–1am, free Tunng with Tinariwen (trio) Collaboration between members of both groups. De La Warr Pavilion, £12

Thursday 19 Kovak Album launch for Heroes & High Heels. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £2 Open Mic Night Popular Open Mic with performer happy hour. The Hub, 8:30pm, free Pete Doherty Babyshambles and Libertines frontman is on his own! Dome, 7pm, £19 adv. Shit Machine + New Street Adventures + Cha Cha Formerly The Medicine Show. Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 The Balky Mule + Jane Bartholomew + My Two Toms Lo-fi bedroom songs, enchanting considered string arrangements and spiralling melodies. Sanctuary, 7.30pm, £5 The Diablos Hailing from Brighton these guys play entirely original kickin’ country music! The Ranelagh, 9pm, free. BIMM End Of Term Party Part 1 Brighton Institute of Modern Music students showcase their own compositions.Concorde 2, 7–11pm, £4

Friday 20 BIMM End Of Term Party Part 2 See Thursday. Concorde 2, 7–10pm, £4 Boot-Led-Zeppelin Definitive tribute to one of the world’s most legendary rock bands Komedia, 7.30pm, £10.50. Daby Toure Soulful blend of Saharan roots and perfectly crafted afro-pop. Pavilion Theatre, 8pm, £12.50/10 Itchy Fingers Classic rock’n’roll, support from Lee Westwood. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/5 Retro Electric Setlist of funk/soul classics, with pop. Upstairs Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/5. Twice the Size + Junk + Meatloaf at Mary’s Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 Battle of the Bands Semi Final Featuring The Fatigue. The Providence, 8pm, £1

Saturday 21

11.15am, £6 Saw Gang Buzz (ex Mutts) + Los + The Misbegotten + Hollow Moon Raw scuzzed up fuzzed out good times rock music. Hectors House, free South of Saturn + The Winter Kings + School for Scoundrels Rock music extravaganza. The Providence, 8pm, £1

Sunday 22 Daedelus + support Electronica. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £6.50. Damn Dirty Humans + Breakin Bear Electro-pop. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £4 Moya Brennan (Clannad) Voice of Clannad, sister of Enya and a Grammy Award winning singer. Komedia, 7.30pm, £19.50 Yo Majesty Florida-based female hip/hop electro duo. Expect some lestastic noise! Audio, 7.30pm, £6.50 adv

Tuung with Tinariwen An interesting proposition, bringing together the dark and mysterious nu-folk electronica of Tunng with the mellow, hypnotic desert blues of Tinariwen, who were formed in Southern Algeria by three young friends living in exile. In the 1980s they became soldier-musicians, lured into military camps in Libya. After a brief and painful rebellion against the government of Mali, they accepted peace and finally realised their dream of becoming full-time musicians. Their name, based on ‘Kel Tinariwen’, means the ‘desert boys’. This should be an interesting musical experiment. Wednesday 18 March, De La Warr Pavilion Kovak Local electro-dance pioneers continue their quest for pop stardom with the launch of their album Heroes and High Heels, a high energy disco inflected stomper featuring some hook-laden tracks, that revolve around life in the bright lights of the big city, its dancefloors and, of course, sex. Shades of Blondie, B-52s, Duran Duran and more modern electro-pop permeates throughout. This five-piece led by Abby Harmony are a formidable live proposition, able to emulate the highly polished sounds of the album. Thursday 19 March, Latest Music Bar Goldie Lookin’ Chain There’s something about the Welsh accent that can sound very funny when applied skillfully. Welsh parody hip hoppers do that with ease, sending up stereotypes with their scrunchy beats and phat

grooves. It’s where The Happy Mondays might have ended up if they hadn’t got befuddled in narcotics, and why The Streets sound so alienated to non-believers. Monday 23 March, Concorde 2 Daby Toure Toure’s soulful blend of Saharan roots and lovingly crafted Afro-pop reflects a life in transition. Daby was born and raised in Mauritania – on the fault line between Moorish North Africa and the sub-Saharan desert – but honed his craft on the vibrant jazz and African music scene of Paris. His solo debut Diam caught the ear of Peter Gabriel, who snapped him up for his 2004 world tour. Nominated for Best Newcomer at the BBC World Music Awards 2006, Daby’s star is in the ascendant. His latest album Stereo Spirit is a sensuous fusion of traditional roots, catchy hooks and mellifluous vocals all wrapped up in a laid-back acoustic reggae groove. . Friday 18 March, Pavilion Theatre The Perils + Sweet Sweet Lies + Drookit Dogs + The Pursuit What a line-up, a cracking selection of some of the best bands in the area. From the full-on frontal indie rock assault of the exciting The perils, to the magnificently crafted noir indie country of Sweet Sweet Lies; and from the insanely infectious punk folk of The Drookit Dogs to the classical indie guitar work of the impossibly youthful The Perils, this is a candidate for local bands gig of the year. Monday 23 March, Latest Music Bar

Monday 23 Ash Grunwald Dreadlocked Australian roots guitarist and stomping singer songwriter Komedia, 7.30pm, £8. Gary Go & VV Brown plus guests Currently touring with The Script, confirmed to tour with Take That over the summer! Pavilion Theatre, 7.30pm, £7 adv. Goldie Lookin Chain The welsh hip hop stars preview tracks from soon to be released album Concorde 2, 8pm, £10 in adv. Levender + Stone Circle + 70s Cop Playing songs from their back catalogue. Prince Albert, 8pm, £4 Paige + Me Vs Hero North Eastern rockers. Freebutt, 8pm, £5. The Boy Least Likely To + The School + The Bobby McGees Critically acclaimed indie-pop. Audio, 8:00pm, £6.50 adv. The Hope ‘n’ Mic Open Mic with performer happy hour. The Hope, 8pm, free. The Perils + Sweet Sweet Lies + The Drookit Dogs + The Pursuit Alternative prog rock & disco punk. Rough Trade break through night. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4.

Live & Unsigned National music competition for unsigned bands and singers. Hove Centre,

Roast Jazz

The Perils

Patrick O’Donnell

Every Sunday from 12.30 £10 including lunch Sun 22 Mar Magdalena Reising Sun 29 Mar Sam Char

Sund 5 Apr Shauna Parker & The Saloon Bar Band

01273 687171 14–17 manchester street

028_LS415 reviews/chart

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28 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases he new wave of nu-folk bands are making their mark, and at the forefront of this second wave are Brighton’s Wilkommen Collective, who during May’s Brighton Festival, are organising three separate gigs. One of the acts playing are The Leisure Society who also happen to have their debut album The Sleeper released via the collective. A gorgeous work of folk pop nuanced songs put together by Nick Hemming and Christian Hardy. there’s a strong late 60s feel throughout, (eg, The Byrds). Wistful, poetic and romantic, The Sleeper is a triumph. Brighton-based singer songwriter Hanna has consistently been making high quality music for a number of years. Once lead singer of funky festival band Pan and then one-half of Hanna & Magdalena, she’s been largely on her own the last couple of years with new album Here Now Now bearing the fruit of a productive period; fine tuning her folk, jazz sounds. Her expressive, yet controlled voice perfectly complements the acoustic based numbers (she’s a fine guitarist too), and with a plethora of high quality guest musicians (including cellist Adrian Oxall, tabla player Julian Franks and guitarist Matt Szul) there is a rich depth to the songs throughout from start to finish. New York City experimentalists Gang Gang Dance are signed to cult faves Warp and generating plenty of interest in their sometimes discomforting sounding Avante Garde post rock. Somehow, Saint Dymphna works, even though it veers from discordant and haunting techno/post-punk rhythms, through to spazoid oriental techno. All-inall it’s like TV On The Radio meets The Pop Group, if you know what I mean. And I’m not sure I do. It’s relentless stuff though, and after a while all the madness starts to wear… Brighton electro-dance outfit Damn Dirty Humans release the Superstar EP, with a launch at Latest Music Bar on Sunday 22 March. Satisfyingly progressive house beats and bleeps provide the basis, with Kimberley Berry offering up the big and soulful vocals. Quality uplifting dance music Jazz supremo Courtney Pine continues to experiment with all forms and nuances of jazz, with New Orleans, Caribbean, old school swing, creole, Eastern European, South African and of course, American flavours, expertly crafted and mixed together, seamlessly shifting from one style to another. The album, in parts, also pays tribute to the saxophone star Sidney Bechet. Pine is the master of all trades it seems, and in Transition In Tradition he’s come up with another top quality jazz album that is accessible, if a little bit relentless at times, and yet highly sophisticated.

To advertise here costs only £20 Call Marie Viviani now!

01273 818150 ext 102

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf ★ 2 Thunk – Micromophone 3 N-D-E – Incredible Machine. 4 The Woo!worths – KONICHIWA 5 Chaos Borne – Watching 6 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 7 The Mojo Fins – Always Now 8 Caramel Jack – Curtain 9 tenek – If I Should Fall – ep version 10 Mr resonate – Say what you mean It’s a static top five this week as the breakbeat classic samplings of Frunt, Bak & Nutz still come out on top. Meanwhile funk rockers, Thunk dominate the ‘Micromophone’ at two. Electro dub outfit, N-D-E still hold down The Woo!worths to four. While the dark dance of Chaos Borne is also a non-mover at five. 11 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 12 Chaos Borne The Moment 13 Swarf Parlour Tricks 14 breakinbear Breeze 15 R21 Proved You Wrong 16 sMs I’m sorry Dave 17 Mr resonate All that I’m not 18 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 19 jaybee sweet savage 20 Glitters From Billy Holiday 21 WITHOUT WARRANT STOP THE MACHINE 22 tenek State Of Mind 23 The Beautiful Word Golden Box 24 Stupid Kid With You 25 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts

26 VILLAREAL We Must Stop Meeting Like This 27 Sweet Violentine Eva B 28 Digitalis No Control 29 St.Michel Remedy 30 Millsy Slug Music My Giddy Aunt 31 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall Every Time 32 The Mystic Wizards The Vulture Song 33 Friday Night Hero Our Time 34 The Mighty Rivals Arise 35 Shona Foster Be Bold 36 Amongst The Pigeons Deep Housey 37 Astro Physics 24 hour MC 38 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 39 Friday Night Hero Outside 40 Sam Charles Elara

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BARS & CLUBS 29

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 March

Tuesday 17 Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Its ***King Good. Prescription cheese and chart for party heads and student types! 10:30pm, £1. New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! Uncompromising quality pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Tru Bandwagon.Student 10pm–2:30am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions.11pm–4am, £2/free.

Wednesday 18 Arc Life is Easy. 10pm, £1/free. Audio Supercharged. The almighty D’n’B King Andy C. 11pm–2:30am, £7/5. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live NME bands & DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. 11pm–6am, £3/2. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’B, Hip Hop, Dance Hall and Funky House. 10pm–3am, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. 80s electro. 11pm–3am, £tbc Followed by: Genetics. Intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 2:30am–7am, £2.

Thursday 19 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Love Blow. R’n’B, funky house and dance music floor fillers. 10:30pm–3am, £2/1 NUS. Funky Buddha Lounge Keepin’ it Funky. Funky house and party classics. 11pm–3am, £3/2. Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 New Hero Pop Kraft. Primary pop overload with the fabulous Boogaloo Stu. 10pm–2am, £2 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Water Margin Love Lockdown. DJs, Show ‘n’ Prove. 7:30pm, ladies £free

Friday 20 2 One One Lollipop. R’n’B and hip hop. 11pm–3am, free before 11.30pm Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s night. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Tru Thoughts. Hip hop, weighty jazz, broken beats, funk, and soul. 11pm–4am, £7. Concorde 2 Odyssey. A fierce D’n’B history ed’ from the Zapback boys with Doc Scott and E.Z Rollers. 11pm, £7. Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative.11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Release. Funky house, soulful & R’n’B. 11pm–6am, free b4 12/£5 after. Funky Fish The Funkyfish.10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club 3rd Base. Hot ‘n’ heavy R’n’B.

11pm, £tba. Komedia Born Bad. 11pm, £6/5. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms Love Lockdown. DJs; Deja Vu, Sin Star and Show ‘n’ Prove. 11pm–4am, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’roll indie anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 The Hanbury Club Club Chat Noir. Gypsy and 20s/30s Hot Swing club. 7pm–2am, £10/4. Tru Skint. Playing mainstream funky house, R’n’B and Cheesey disco hits. 10pm–2am, free b4 11/£3 after. Volks Dubpressure. Bass heavy beats with guests TBA. 11pm–4am, £5. Water Margin Twisted Disco Love. Giving you back the ‘Love 2 Funk…’ 7:30pm, free.

Saturday 21 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Pop Musik. Unadulterated pop pleasures! 11pm–4am, £10/6. Concorde 2 Something For The Weekend. With experimental electro boys, South Central DJs. 11pm, free/£3. Digital Wired Launch Party. With Out Of Office throwing down heavy electro beats. 11pm, £tbc. Engine Rooms Punk Karaoke. 10pm–3am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove. 10pm–3am, £10 Followed By: Electronic Disco. 3am, £5/3 NUS. Funky Fish The Funkyfish. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house from all over the world. 8pm–4am, free b4 11/6 after. New Hero It Is Still1985. 10pm, £3 Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam, Alternative Dance. 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, funky house and commercial. 10pm–3am, £10/5 Tru Glitterbaby. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Volks Darklight 5th Birthday. Diamond blasting D’n’B with Goldie. 11pm–5am, £6/5. Water Margin Urban Junkie. Classic House. 10pm–3am, free b4 12 Followed by: Logo. 3am, £7/5.

NYC Showing that sometimes it pays to be a ‘No man.’ No expensive drinks, no expensive door tax and super no to sleep before dawn!! NYC steers away from moody beats and darkside minimal sound. Employing only upbeat, classic vocal, pop and electro smeared house. Dolled out by Brighton’s finest DJ talent including GirlsOnTop Heroine LadyBex and Southern FM’s Dan Gasser. Wednesday 18 March, Funky Buddha Lounge Electronic Disco Funk-fuelled dirty tunes clubbed together with a tribal twist. A pumping up for it night with house vibes that keep an eye on their heritage. Dolled out by Golden handbag winner 08, HRH Queen Josephine. Plus promising up-and-comer Miss Masters. Saturday 21 March, Funky Buddha Lounge Born Bad Brighton’s most wild night out as voted by Guardian Guide, for all discerning hep cats and kittens! Dolling out 50s rock’n’roll, 6Ts garage and girl groups, surf, sleaze, bop and exotica. Friday 20 March, Komedia The Funky Fish Club pavement clogging Funky Fish is a small club with monster heart. Playing three decades of funk, soul, jazz, Motown and

Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency. 8pm, free.

Monday 23 Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm–3am, £3/free. Funky Buddha Lounge Urban Lounge. 10:30pm–3am, £3/2 Honey Club Disco Babe. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit

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Electronic Disco old school breaks. Keeping the soulful newbie and jazzy veteran alike hooked! Spinning some unfamiliar beats perhaps, but an acapella you do know might be running over the top. Plus the odd live musician might just drop by for a jam! Go funky fishing this weekend and catch a big party tune. Friday 20 & Saturday 21 March, The Funky Fish

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30 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Rachel Pegg visits Ghetto, one of Brighton’s newest venues, to find out what the quirky club has to offer othing stays the same for long on the gay scene. Faces change from month to month and each year brings a new crowd of students looking to stamp their mark on Brighton and make it their own. This town thrives on innovation, with new bars and clubs opening and existing venues changing what they do to keep customers happy, knowing that experimental punters are always looking for somewhere new to drink, dance and get up to no good. Ghetto opened just six months ago and has already come up with masses of ideas to keep clubbers coming back every night of the week, from free preclubbing Rock Band, to karaoke, cheap drinks, a quiz and birthday booths where they spoil you and your friends with champagne and sweets in your own private VIP 'hate' or 'love' area… (for free) The club innovators behind Ghetto – Tommy Moss and Jamie Wilton – took over a basement venue in St James’s Street that had a long history of being part of the Brighton scene. Tommy and Jamie made the club their own by welcoming absolutely everyone, gay or straight, male or female – so long as they have the right attitude. The club itself had a dramatic and funky makeover, and with the bar in a new spot it seems bigger and yet still small and intimate enough to feel like a cross between a boutique club and the best house party. Manager Rachel Ramshall-Smith said not everyone in town knows the venue, but once they find it, they can’t stop coming back. “When people realise we are here, the feedback is amazing." Ghetto is one of the best places to ride out the credit crunch – door charges are just £4/3 from Thursday to Saturday and from Monday to Wednesday entry is free. It is happy hour every day 5.30pm–8.30pm, with most drinks £1.50, and even full price drinks barely touch your wallet. Rachel says: “Our prices are dirt cheap – two pounds for a vodka.”

Student Pride More than 1,000 students from 20 universities attended National Student Pride in Brighton. The weekend involved debate, drinking and dancing. Revenge nightclub hosted a pre-Pride party on Saturday 7 March. The main event at Oceana the following day was officially opened by Garry Peltzer-Dunn, Mayor of Brighton and Hove. A Question Time-style debate was chaired by Wes Streeting, president of the National Union of Students. Panellists included Chris Bryant, Deputy Leader of the House of Commons, Aled Jones, producer from the Chris Moyles Show, Rev Debbie Gaston of Brighton Metropolitan Community Church and Jane Czyzselska, editor of women’s magazine DIVA. Among the topics discussed were gay marriage, trans issues, LGBT activism and BBC homophobia. There were also market and trade stalls, workshops, book reading and live music. In the evening students returned to Revenge for free pizza and music from Doll and The Kicks, followed by a bar crawl and a party at Digital with Jodie Harsh and Frankmusik. Student Pride chair Tom Guy said: “It went really well.” Tom helped to found Student Pride when he was a student at Oxford Brookes University in 2005 as part of a response to a university Christian Union talk on ‘Homosexuality and the Bible’. He is now a postgraduate student at Brighton University. It has not been decided whether Student Pride will return to Brighton next year.

Bullying survey A major survey of primary and secondary school teachers revealed that homophobic bullying is rife. The YouGov survey discovered that homophobic bullying affects more than 150,000 gay pupils in British schools. The Teachers’ Report is the largest ever survey to ask teachers from both primary and secondary schools about anti-gay bullying. It found that

not only gay pupils experience homophobic bullying and name-calling – it also affects boys who work hard, girls who play sport, young people with gay parents and young people who are thought to be gay. Teachers said homophobic bullying was the most prevalent form of bullying after bullying because of weight. Read the full report at www.stonewall.org.uk

See listings opposite for what’s on every night of the week at Ghetto. Check out Ghetto on Facebook or visit www.popstarz.org/ghettobrighton Ghetto, 129 St James's Street, Kemp Town.

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 185 ACROSS: 5 Smith 8 Enlarged 9 Scone 10 Handsome 11 Jelly 14 Ode 16 Headed 17 Grease 18 Dig 20 Estop 24 Bigamist 25 Copal 26 Elegance 27 Lever. DOWN: 1 Techy 2 Bland 3 Fresh 4 Permed 6 Mackerel 7 Tuneless 12 Keystone 13 Advocate 14 Odd 15 Egg 19 Icicle 21 Large 22 Piano 23 Steer. Solution to Quick 185 ACROSS: 5 Queen 8 Ensemble 9 Abode 10 Gladsome 11 Paint 14 Ask 16 Season 17 Eyelet 18 Din 20 Refer 24 Announce 25 Brain 26 Stagnate 27 Scale. DOWN: 1 Wedge 2 Islam 3 Amuse 4 Flames 6 Unbiased 7 Endanger 12 Meteoric 13 Especial 14 And 15 Ken 19 Ignite 21 Foggy 22 Uncap 23 Beset. © Crossword Shop

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LATEST GAY 31

Gay listings Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 March Tuesday 17

Saturday 21

Amsterdam The Tuesday Social. 7pm, free. Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free. Charles Street Bar Fashion Show. 8:30pm. Ghetto Quiz Alicious & Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free. Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Free poker night. Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke. A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free. R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am. Revenge Payday. Playground. School Disco with a twist. 10:30pm–3am, free to NUS & those in uniform/3 others. The Aquarium Theatre Bar Josh Mills’s Music Night. Quiz from 9pm. Bar: 12pm, free. The Basement Scene Queen. Night for scene staff and students. 11pm–4am, free.

Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free. Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A blend of Gogo boys, feathered girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day.7pm. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Marly DJs. Guest DJs and live music. 9pm–2am, free. Queen's Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin. Vocalists, comedians & drag (3:30–5:30pm). Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free. R-Bar Kinky Baby. Kinky Dangerous warm-up from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3. The Basement Ignition. The funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free. The PV at The Jury's Out Saturday Madness. Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then from 8:30pm DJs takes to the decks. Bar open 12pm, free.

Wednesday 18 Amsterdam Mid-week student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Charles Street Bar Name That Tune -Lola Lasagne. A new spin on game shows retro and new. 10pm, free. Ghetto Transition. Rock, metal and 80s-tastic cheese! 10pm–2am, £2.50. Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10. Legends Gabbi’s Bona Bingo. 9pm, £Donations to Pride. Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-House Darts League. 8pm, £3 to enter. Queen’s Arms The Q-Factor Heat 7 – Big Prize Money! Annual singing contest, sign up before 8:45pm. Bar open 12pm–1am, free. R-Bar Rush99. A 99p rush bar!12pm–2am, free. Revenge Rush150. Dance&house.10:30pm–3am, Free before 12am/£2 after/free NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm. The Basement Play. Uplifting house and dance anthems with DJ Lil Alex. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 19 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark pants. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto HDSM. A night for the sexually hedonistic! Dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Legends Cabaret Lounge. 9:30pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open mic. 8pm. Queen's Arms Spice’s Nooks & Crannies! A Cabaret show with a difference. 9:30pm, free. R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin!. Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls on Top Foam Party. Trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after. The Basement Box. Boys Below. A men only night. DJ Phil Marriott plays a mix of chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Sunday 22 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch (12–5:30pm) and relaxing vibes with a twist from 8pm, free. Charles Street Bar Showtime. Miss Connie Conway hosts a night with dynamic duo, Topping and Butch. 7:15pm, free. Ghetto Nervous Twitch. Fresh krunked up electro party, beware of the dog! 9pm, free. Hilton Brighton Metropole Golden Handbag Awards. Brighton and Hove’s ‘Gay Oscars‘ celebrating the community. With Jason Wood. 6.45pm for a 7.30pm start. £16 from Prowler. Legends Sunday Cabaret and Chill Out. With The Boy George Experience. 3:15pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. Food for the brain. 8pm, free. Queen's Arms Cabaret & Betty's Karaoke. 12pm, free. Revenge Golden: The Official Afterparty for the Golden Handbag Awards. Featuring the Dame Edna Experience. Supported by DJs Stewart T and Lady Bex. 10pm–3am, £Free entry to everyone with a ticket stub/5 others. The Basement Fever. Dripping in disco and pop remixes.11pm–4am, free.

Monday 23 Amsterdam Big Quiz. 7pm–11pm, £1 to enter. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks with mammoth drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50. Ghetto Frat Party. A chaotic mash-up of indie, electro and credible. 10pm, free. Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am. Marlborough Trans Night. 8:30pm, £2. R-Bar Miss Jason's Mad House. Cabaret night plus a Wii zone and free pool! 10pm, free. The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers.11pm–4am, free.

Friday 20 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am. Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz Night. Playin’ indie recent and retro! 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girl's Night. 2 floors of mayhem with DJs. 9pm-2am, free. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks wristbands: £20! 9pm, free. R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. Trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top. 12pm–2am Revenge Lollipop & Housexual. Pop tunes and funky vocal house upstairs. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5 The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop & handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free

Jason Wood

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32 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

17 – 23 MARCH

She says it how she sees it

Free Agents Friday, Channel 4, 10pm o not watch this with young children. It is rude, but surprisingly it hasn’t been too shockingly rude, which is nice as sometimes programmes can over do it a bit. This series follows Alex, a newly single talent agent as he tries to deal with the fact that his wife is now living with another man while he is homeless. Alex is played by Stephen Mangan – who I love, so this little review may potentially be quite biased, as I find him really funny. It is refreshing to watch a programme that follows the heartache of a man after a split in a relationship as opposed to a woman experiencing a split. Alex has two children who live with their mother and you get to see him struggle with the fact that he doesn’t get to see them very often. You also witness his discomfort at the idea that his ex has a new fella, who spends time with his children.

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 17

Airplane! ★★★★✩ (1980, Film4 9pm. Dir Jim Abrahams and David Zucker) The classic slapstick comedy that spawned the Naked Gun series, as well as so many pretenders of the genre. Sending up the disaster movies of the 70s, Airplane sees Leslie Neilsen, Robert Hays and Julie Hagerty trying to land the flying circus, with Lloyd Bridges embraces comedy on the ground. Classic.

WEDNESDAY 18 Kind Hearts And Coronets ★★★★★ (1949, Channel 4, 1.20pm. Dir Robert Hamer) Alec Guiness’ tour de force preceded Peter Sellers’ Doctor Strangelove in playing most of the leads by a full 15 years. This Ealing comedy sees the entire D'Ascoyne family plotting to do each other in during their pursuit of an elusive inheritance. Dark but greatly enjoyable, an afternoon treat.

FRIDAY 20 The People Under The Stairs

Alex works in a talent agency, with a bunch of misfits who, as it turns out, are all just as lonely as him although they all actually have somewhere other than their cars to sleep at night. Alex finds company and friendship with his work colleague Helen. After a drunken one night stand they decide it would be best if they remain friends. In every episode you hope Alex and Helen see sense and get together. Both are newly single; Alex through divorce and Helen because her fiancé died. As well as seeing how Alex deals with being newly divorced you see how Helen is dealing with being freshly bereaved – mainly by continually having a glass of wine in one hand. This series won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. It’s a bit like Marmite, you will either love it or hate it. It certainly is adult humour and it is quite easy to dip in and out of so it doesn’t really matter if you miss a week here and there. Somehow the writers have managed to make two of the worst things you could ever imagine happening to you funny – albeit with black humour – but needless to say, they make a bizarre light out of a dark situation. There seemed to be a slight gap in our adult humour line up for TV evenings, with most comedies being replaced with sketch shows, so this comes as a refreshing change. Like I said before, this won’t be to everyone’s taste, but give it a go. Who knows, you may become a Steve Mangan fan too.

★★★★✩ (1991, Sci Fi, 11.20pm. Dir Wes Craven) After Freddy and before Scream came this one-off in the horror maestro’s canon. A neighbourhood kid breaks into a creepy house to try and steal

the funds to stop his ma from being evicted, only to find he’s not the first child guest of the freaky couple who live there.

SATURDAY 21

Gosford Park ★★★★★ (2001, Channel 4, 9pm. Dir Robert Altman) An A1 line-up of acting talent brings Julian Fellows atmospheric vision of life ‘upstairs‘ and ‘downstairs‘ at a country mansion in 1930s Britain to life. A weekend shooting party turns into a murder mystery – the film uses the whodunnit format to create a drama showcasing the tensions of the British class system. Makes Miss Marple look like a Saga advert.

MONDAY 23 Fried Green Tomatoes At the Whistle Stop Cafe ★★★★✩ (1991, Film4, 6.30pm. Dir Jon Avnet) A masterful narrative beautifully acted. This adaptation of Fannie Flags tale of two generations of Alabama women deals with love, death, family, marriage, racism, crime, memory, storytelling – without treating any of them lightly. It’s a masterclass in understated acting (Jessica Tandy) and skillful directing (Avnet). You might need hankies.

Airplane!, Film4, Tuesday 17, 9pm

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tuesday 17 Holloway ITV1, 9pm Much has been made in fictional television of women’s prisons, from Bad Girls to Prisoner Cell Block H. With unprecedented access to the real thing, this is the first of three programmes showing the true story behind the bars of the largest women’s prison in Europe. From newbies to old lags. Quite fascinating.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm It’s the last Grissom episode ever. He’s handed in his notice, this is the second in the two-parter and he’s packed as much Vegas sand as will fall through his fingers symbolically. All he’s got to do now is catch the copycat serial killer in a race against time to find a missing woman.

I’ve Never Seen Star Wars BBC4, 9.30pm A chat show that pushes its celebs, but nowhere they’re too unhappy going. So seems the format of Marcus Brigstocke’s latest project, inviting a guest to try five new cultural experiences – things that they have always previously avoided, from playing bingo to reading Proust. His first guest is Clive Anderson.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Hotel Trubble 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.30am Children’s television 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Telling Tales 11.25 Telling Tales 11.30 Hands Up! 11.45 Just So Darwin12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow The team remember some amazing stories brought to the Roadshow by the children of prisoners of war. 7.00 Darwin’s Dangerous Idea Andrew Marr explores Darwin’s impact on politics and society. 8.00 Coast The team is in the northwest of England. 9.00 Horizon: Who Do You Want Your Child To Be? David Baddiel, father of two, sets out to answer one of the greatest questions a parent can ask: how best to educate your child. Taking in the latest scientific research, David uncovers some unconventional approaches: from the parent hot-housing his child to record-breaking feats of maths, to a school that pays hard cash for good grades. Through it all, David’s quest remains true: to maximise his child’s potential for success and happiness. 10.00 The Culture Show Special edition all about the life and work of one of the greatest artists of the 20th century – Pablo Picasso. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The World At War The acclaimed documentary series about the Second World War. 12.15am High Altitude 12.45 Travellers’ Century 1.45 BBC News 4.00 Blast (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Taste The Nation

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9.55 KNTV Sex 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Gay To Z 11.30 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 FILM: Doctor In Clover (1965) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 I Own Britain’s Best Home 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: WW3 (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Irish Football 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.30 H2O Sports International 12.00pm Women’s World Cup Cricket 2.00 Irish Football 3.00 Big League Weekend 4.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.30 Women’s World Cup Cricket 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00am LIVE Test Cricket 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Wild Spirits

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Wyldes are devastated when they realise that Will has gone missing. 8.00 New Homes From Hell 2009 Stories from the people whose lives have been ruined by their property adventures overseas. 9.00 Holloway See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Will Young: The South Bank Show Profile of Will Young who, since winning Pop Idol in 2002, has broken out of the mould of manufactured pop star and gone on to become a multi-million selling singer-songwriter and a respected live performer. Cameras follow him as he plays live in Newcastle, Manchester, Brighton and London. He also talks about his recent performance in Noel Coward’s play The Vortex at Manchester’s Royal Exchange Theatre, and takes The South Bank Show to his holiday home in Brighton. See if you can spot where it is. 11.35 Guinness Premiership Rugby Craig Doyle presents highlights from all the weekend’s Guinness Premiership matches. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.25 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Hannah tells Justin that Ash is dropping the charges against him, but she’s disturbed by Justin’s reaction as their mutual attraction mounts. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Home From Home 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Dr Christian catches up with Kevin from Brighton who was living on coffee, cigarettes and takeaways, and Stefan the milkman who weighed 37 stone. 9.00 Heston’s Tudor Feast The court of Henry VIII revelled in the most sumptuous feasting British shores had ever known. Frog blancmange, bone marrow rice pudding and butterbeer are on the menu. Lush. 10.00 Shameless Paddy is back and harbouring a dark secret and has vengeance on his mind. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory Sheldon appears delighted that Leonard finally has a girlfriend matching his high standards. 11.35 My Name Is Earl Comedy. 12.05am Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.05 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.00 Aviva Indoor Athletics Championships 3.00 Vendee Globe 3.25 English Masters Beach Volleyball Blackpool 3.50 Water Stories 4.00 Animated Bible Stories: (x4) 4.40 Ancient Egypt (x5) 5.55 Making It

6.00 Home And Away Tony’s secret is revealed. Dum, dum, DUUUMMM! 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. Baby chimp Bart goes it alone. Then tells folk to eat his shorts and ‘do the Bartman’. Wrong Bart? 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Nature Shock Documentary series examining freak occurrences in the natural world. This first programme examines the discovery of a bizarre, mangled reptile corpse in Florida’s Everglades National Park. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. See highlights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series based on the work of forensic investigators. Horatio learns that the victim of a murder he is investigating was married to a prisoner who recently threatened the CSI’s son. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. A robbery in Chinatown goes badly awry when two of the thieves are killed in an explosion. 12.00am The Shield 1.00 NBA Basketball 4.05 NBA All Star Slam Dunk Special 4.45 NHRA Drag Racing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home & Away

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6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders As Peggy recuperates in hospital, Archie delivers an ultimatum. The cad and the bounder! 8.00 Holby City Michael fights to save his marriage to Annalese as events spiral out of his control. Meanwhile, Chrissie tries to find out if Daisha is taking Mark for a ride, but discovers that the situation might be more complicated than she thought. Again, very little doctoring. 9.00 Mistresses Drama series. Flirty newlyweds Jessica and Mark try their hand at exclusivity, but Mark finds it hard to adjust. Was he not paying attention at th reading of those pesky vow things? Silly boy. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Dangerous Love: A Comic Relief Special Danielle Lloyd embarks on a journey to uncover the true extent of violence in teen relationships in the UK today. 11.35 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross The latest film reviews, news and interviews. 12.05am Damages 12.45 Weatherview 12.50 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.20 Who Do You Think You Are? 2.20 Lark Rise To Candleford 3.20 MasterChef 3.50 The Genius Of Photography 4.50 BBC News

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 Masters Tennis 8.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 12.00am Revista De La Liga 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 Football Asia 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Poker 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Powder Adventures 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 Poker 3.00 Wild Spirits 3.30 H2O Sports International 4.00 LIVE Golf: The Tavistock Cup 9.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 10.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Sports Unlimited 1.00 Max Power 2.00 Close

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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Shane Richie: Make Me Irish 9.00 Battlestar Galactica 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Shane Richie: Make Me Irish 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.55 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Freaky Eaters 9.00 18 Pregnant Schoolgirls 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Horne And Corden 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 18 Pregnant Schoolgirls 12.45am Freaky Eaters 1.45 Horne And Corden 2.15 Videosyncratic 2.45 Things Talk 3.15 Real Britain

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Coal House At War 8.00 What Darwin Didn’t Know 9.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars. See highlights. 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Party Animals (x2) 12.25am The Maharajas’ Motor Car: The Story Of Rolls-Royce In India 1.20 Proms On Four 2008: World Music Celebration

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.50 The Hoosiers: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 9.00 Coleen’s Real Women 10.00 FILM: Intolerable Cruelty (2002) 12.05am FM

1.55pm Ballykissangel 3.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Bribery And Corruption 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.35 A Is For Acid 12.45am Hammer House Of Horror

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Skins 1.10 Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories 12.00am Come Dine With Me

12.00pm Maury (x2)1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Living With The Dead 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds

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Discovery

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5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.35 Only Fools And Horses 11.15 The New Statesman 11.50 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.50am My Hero

2.00pm The US Office (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am South Park 12.40 Scrubs 1.10 Frasier (x2)

12.00pm Time Team 1.00 Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers (x2) 10.00 Extreme Loggers 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 9.50 FILM: Black Dawn (2005) 11.40 FILM: Nature Of The Beast (2005) 1.30am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

11.30am The Movie Geek 12.00pm Hail The Conquering Hero (1944) 1.45 The Blue Dahlia (1946) 3.30 To Catch A Thief (1955) 5.20 The Phantom Of The Opera (1943) 7.00 Island In The Sky (1953) 9.00 The Bible (1966) 11.50 To Catch A Thief (1955) 1.40am Too Late The Hero (1970)

10.50am Fire (1996) 12.45pm Earth (1998) 2.35 The Movie Geek 3.05 The Serpent (2006) 5.10 The General (1998) 7.20 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 10.00 Into The Wild (2007) 12.30am Tumbleweeds (1999) 2.15 Earth (1998)

1.00pm Pushover (1954) 2.45 The Eve Of Saint Mark (1944) 4.40 The Raid (1954) 6.25 K-19: The Widowmaker (2001) 9.00 Airplane! (1980) Leslie Neilsen stars in the spook air disaster movie. The origin of many a classic gag. 10.45 Jackie Brown (1997) 1.40am Infernal Affairs 2 (2003)

7.25am The Winter’s Tale 10.05 A Majority Of One (1961) 1.00pm Which Way To The Front? (1970) 3.00 A Fine Madness (1966) 5.00 Disorderlies (1987) 6.45 The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948) 9.00 The Shining (1980) 11.35 The Elephant Man (1980) 1.50am Tall Man Riding (1955) 3.15 Shaft (1971)

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wednesday 18 Hero Animals Five, 7.30pm You know those stories that are really cautionary tales for kids to get them to stop doing stupid things? Here’s a true one. With a thankfully happy ending. The story of a young boy who fell head first into a gorilla enclosure at Jersey Zoo, only to be protected by a 200kg silverback. Eat your heart out Mowgli.

Law & Order: UK ITV1, 10.35pm Jamie Bamber is still confusing the Dickens out of us with his English accent after four seasons as American-voiced Lee Adama in Battlestar Galactica. No matter. He’s jolly good, and along with fellow barrow boy Bradley Walsh is forced to re-open a contentious murder case, and a whole can of worms. Nice.

Gossip Girl ITV2, 9pm Plastic fantastic that makes 90210 look positively gritty, this is the perfect escape from the bills and nine to five slog of daily life. The New York teens are preening and bitching and life is such a drama. Just fab. This week Jenny makes friends with a model who encourages her to make a stand about Eleanor exploiting her ideas.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Gastronuts 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9.55 KNTV Sex 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Gay To Z 11.30 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Brief History Of Fun 12.55 Back To You 1.20 FILM: Kind Hearts And Coronets (1949) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show.

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 I Own Britain’s Best Home 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: The Perfect Husband (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 12.00pm Revista De La Liga 1.00 Test Cricket 3.00 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE Scottish Cup Football 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.00 LIVE Women’s World Cup Cricket 12.00am LIVE Women’s World Cup Cricket

6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce is joined by Michael Aspel, who shares his most memorable moments from eight years with the programme. 7.00 Escape To The Country Alistair Appleton is in Cornwall helping a couple of teachers find their dream country home. 8.00 Orangutan Diary Stories from the world’s biggest ape rescue centre. 9.00 Building The Olympic Dream Documentary. With over nine billion pounds to spend on creating an Olympic Park within the next four years, London 2012’s bosses are facing some tough challenges, ranging from land decontamination and stadium design to the search for a cat called Blackjack. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz hosted by Simon Amstell with team captains Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus. Guests include comedian Tim Minchin, Foals singer Yannis and Sophie Ellis Bextor. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Mad Men Don and Duck try to bury the hatchet and Peggy attempts to join in on the execs’ after-hours meetings at a strip joint. 12.10am How To Write A Mills And Boon: Timeshift 1.10 Travellers’ Century 2.10 BBC News 4.00 On Top Of The Digital World 5.00 Powerful Texts

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Debbie focuses on being a mother to Sarah when she gets out. True Dingle chronology – have a baby, get banged up, then do the mum thang. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Steve and Becky actually go on their honeymoon? The fates and scriptwriters are conspiring against them. ITV budget cuts. 8.00 The Bill Beth and Nate are called to a domestic and find a woman lying unconscious at the bottom of her stairs. Her husband is the owner of the boxing club they questioned the day before. He tells them that the fall was an accident, but they are suspicious. Hmm. 9.00 Taggart When anti-domestic violence campaigner Emily Patrick is viciously bludgeoned to death, violent men who held a grudge are at the top of the suspect list. And it’s a very long list at that. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Law & Order: UK See highlights. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 12.30am The Big Tackle With Austin Healey 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 Taking On The Taxman: Tonight 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Russ is shocked to see Jacqui taking stolen goods from the bottom of Max’s pram. Why? It’s hardly out of character. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Kirsty and Phil catch up with Johnny and Lynsey who, 18 months ago, moved North from London to be back near Lynsey’s family. 9.00 Grand Designs Kevin McCloud returns to the 15th-century castle home of Francis Shaw in the Yorkshire Dales, and discovers the spiralling cost of restoring the protected monument have turned his dream into a nightmare. Time to get the caldrons of pitch ready for the creditors. Castle kudos. 10.00 Desperate Housewives US drama series set in suburbia. The women of Wisteria Lane reflect on how one man touched their lives. 11.05 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate. Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.05am 4 Music: Spectacle: Elvis Costello With... 1.05 Rockfeedback 1.35 3 Minute Wonder 1.40 The Hunt For Britain’s Tightest Person 2.05 Who Killed Scarlett? 3.05 3 Minute Wonder 3.10 Hill Street Blues 3.55 Time Team Digs... The Romans 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Grabbit The Rabbit 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Colleen organises a speed-dating event. Brilliant! She kicks all the gossip off and she’s right there to get the skinny on it as it happens. Genius. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. There is a morning sing-off at the park to get everyone up for the day. What is this – Disney’s Monkey Rescue Centre? 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Hero Animals See highlights. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series. As spring approaches, the truckers race to dismantle the Arctic bases before the ice melts. 9.00 Extraordinary People: The World’s Oldest Conjoined Twins At the age of 57, Ronnie and Donnie Galyon are the oldest conjoined twins in the world. This film follows the brothers as they attempt to fulfil a lifelong dream of watching their favourite American football team. 10.00 Serial Killer: An Interview With Arthur Shawcross Documentary examining notorious serial killer Arthur Shawcross. 11.05 Police Interceptors Profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 12.05am PartyPoker.com Poker Den: Big Game III 1.35 NHRA Drag Racing 3.20 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out England Highlights from the current affairs programme. 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series. The return of Kim Campbell heralds a new term and a fresh start at Waterloo Road, and Rachel is kicking everything off with a careers day featuring, among others, former pupil turned glamour model Sarah-Leanne. Well, it is a very popular ambition for young ladies these days. 9.00 Nature’s Great Events Every summer in the seas of Alaska, humpback whales, sea lions and killer whales depend on an explosion of plant life, the plankton bloom. It transforms these seas into the richest on Earth. But will these animals survive to enjoy the great feast? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Hope, hope, HOPE... disappointment. 10.45 FILM: The Peacemaker (1997) Starring George Clooney, Nicole Kidman. A pair of mismatched government operatives set out to recover stolen nuclear warheads from international terrorists. As you do. 12.40am Weatherview 12.45 Sign Zone: Make Me Live Forever 1.25 Savile Row 2.25 Oz And James Drink To Britain 2.55 MasterChef 3.25 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 H2O Sports International 10.00 Test Cricket 12.00pm Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 NFL: Total Access 4.00 Masters Tennis 6.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Scottish Cup Football 2.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.00am Powder Adventures 10.30 Airsports World 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 International Skins Golf 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Airsports World 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Licence To Le Mans 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Watersports World 1.00 European Tour Weekly 1.30 Boots ‘n’ All 2.30 British Motocross Championship 3.30 International Skins Golf 4.30 Close

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1.00pm Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) 11.15 UK Border Force 12.15am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who Christmas Special 8.15 Doctor Who Confidential: Kylie Special 9.00 FILM: Interview With The Vampire (1994) 11.00 Horne And Corden 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Snog Marry Avoid? 12.45 Freaky Eaters 1.40 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain 2.40 Horne And Corden

7.00pm News 7.30 Britain’s Best Drives 8.00 Richard Wilson Learns To Drive 8.30 The History Of The Future: Cars 9.00 Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 10.00 All Our Working Lives: Cutting Coal 11.00 My Strike 12.00am From A To B: Tales Of Modern Motoring 12.35 Baroque! From St Peter’s To St Paul’s

4.00pm Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 New Homes From Hell 2009 9.00 Gossip Girl. See highlights. 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FM 11.00 Coronation Street 11.30 FILM: Armed and Dangerous (1986)

12.45pm Heartbeat 1.50 Ballykissangel 2.55 Sherlock Holmes 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 Kingdom 11.05 Rose And Maloney 12.05am Numb3rs 1.00 Wycliffe

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Nutty Professor (1996) 11.00 Skins 12.00am Russell Brand’s Ponderland (x2) 1.05 Scrubs (x2)

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Pakistan’s Taliban Generation 10.00 Father Ted 10.30 The IT Crowd 11.00 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 11.35 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 12.35am Father Ted

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Rehab 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Rehab 3.00 Wonder Woman

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Discovery

Sci Fi

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5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.35 Steptoe And Son 11.20 The New Statesman 11.55 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.50am Steptoe And Son

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x4) 1.10am Frasier

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 9.00 Crime Museum UK (x2) 10.00 Murder Shift 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 9.50 FILM: Nature Of The Beast (2005) 11.40 FILM: Heartstopper (2006) 1.30am Ghost Stories

11.05am The Robe (1953) 1.25pm Louisiana Purchase (1941) 3.10 The Top 10 Show 3.30 The Apartment (1960) 5.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 7.25 The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) 9.00 The Robe (1953) 11.15 The Palm Beach Story (1942) 12.50am Cape Fear (1962)

11.05am Hollywoodland (2006) 1.15pm The Movie Geek 1.45 Breaking And Entering (2006) 3.45 This Is My Father (1998) 5.45 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 7.50 Hollywoodland (2006) 10.00 Videodrome (1982) 11.30 Do The Right Thing (1989) 1.30am The Last King Of Scotland (2006)

1.00pm Smoky (1946) 2.50 A Letter To Three Wives (1949) 4.55 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) 7.15 Carpool (1996) 9.00 The X Files (1998) The truth is out there, but it’s rather convoluted. Starring David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. 11.20 Football Factory (2004) 1.05am Infernal Affairs 3 (2003)

10.35am Serenade (1956) 1.00pm Lucky Me (1954) 3.00 Not With My Wife You Don’t (1966) 5.15 One Spy Too Many (1966) 7.10 Soylent Green (1973) 9.00 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) 11.20 Klute (1971) 1.25am Tall Man Riding (1955) 2.50 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981)

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thursday 19 Darwin’s Dangerous Idea BBC2, 9pm It’s the last in this series of Andrew Marr’s Darwin deliveries, which is a shame, but he has saved a doozie to end with. Darwin’s ideas are helping mankind to save the Earth from extinction. It’s all holistic, y’see? Plus, our dawning as to what the theory of evolution means when combined with industrialisation.

Red Riding Channel 4, 9pm It’s the last part of this highly acclaimed trilogy, adapted from David Pearse’s cult crime novels. Nine years after the first Morley child disappeared another girl goes missing. Plus solicitor John Piggott fights for the release of local boy Michael Myshkin, unwittingly allowing Jobson to right some wrongs. Fab.

American Idol ITV2, 8pm It’s now time for the remaining acts to show what they’re worth. It’s all very well being the quirky one who breaks down into hysterics at the drop of a hat and rallies the rest of the competitors when times get hard – plus the ubiquitous sob story. Do they have more charisma than a wet dish mop? Can they sing? Hmm.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Runaway 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel 11.10 Primary Geography 11.30 Something Special 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team examine Celtic jewels and Egyptian grave goods in a bid to find the most ancient item ever appraised. 7.00 Lonesome George And The Battle For Galapagos Lonesome George is the last remaining Pinta Island giant tortoise in existence; when he dies, his race will be extinct. He has become an icon of his native Galapagos Islands and a symbol of the battle to preserve their unique wildlife which is under threat from illegal fishing. 8.00 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden Jimmy puts a snake into a monkey enclosure to find out whether monkeys are curious. What?!! 9.00 Darwin’s Dangerous Idea See highlights. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Graham is joined in the studio by top British comedians Ronnie Corbett and Ricky Gervais for his usual mix of celebrity chat, stunts and mischief. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Company Three-part drama series based on the Robert Littell bestseller about CIA intrigue. 12.55am Seasick Steve: Bringing It All Back Home 1.25 Seasick Steve At Reading 2008 4.00 Spanish Shorts 5.00 Being Spanish 5.35 Telling Tales

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 I Own Britain’s Best Home 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.10 FILM: The Sign Of Four (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am European Tour Weekly 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Total Rugby 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 To be announced 12.30am Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Time Of Our Lives 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy tells Russ about her affair with Kris, and Russ responds with a revelation of his own. Incestuous lot! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 10 Years Younger: The Challenge Makeover show presented by Myleene Klass. Dawn Palmer’s transparent hair and outdated glasses mean her husband regularly gets mistaken for her toy boy. Time for a bit of prodding and strategic dressing. Ta da! 9.00 Red Riding See highlights. 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon tries to help the owners of The Mixing Bowl, a bijou New York diner run by chef Billy, his wife Lisa and their Monty Python-esque manager Mike, whose marketing plans are costing the business money. Gordon must put a stop to Mike’s spending if the diner is to stay open, but the pair look set for a violent collision course. Watch the veins bulge in Gordo’s temple. 12.05am When Women Rule The World 1.10 Hello Dollies 1.35 3 Minute Wonder 1.40 Dispatches: Pakistan’s Taliban Generation 2.35 Unreported World 3.00 3 Minute Wonder 3.05 Hill Street Blues 3.50 Time Team Digs... The Dark Ages 4.50 Chrono-Perambulator 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Kirsty and Kane say their final goodbyes. Again?!! Roman and Leah hit it off at the speeddating event. Quelle surprise. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. Baby woolly monkey Paulo meets his new family for the first time. And emotions run high when Mad Max the marmoset arrives at the park to be with others of his own kind. With a name like that he’s hardly going to slip in unnoticed. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 UEFA Cup Football Live UEFA Cup football action from the Energi Nord Arena in Denmark as Aalborg BK host Manchester City for the second leg of their Round of 16 tie. Kick-off is at 20.00. Colin Murray presents the action with commentary by Dave Woods. 10.00 FILM: Species II (1998) Starring Natasha Henstridge, Michael Madsen, Marg Helgenberger. Sequel to the sci-fi blockbuster. After becoming the first person to land on Mars, an astronaut is infected with spores of alien DNA, resulting in a dangerously inflamed libido and an outbreak of alien offspring. 11.50 Quiz Call 4.00am NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Danielle decides to leave Walford for good, but she has one last thing to do before she goes. Really? Don’t tease. Might it really come out at last? 8.00 Wendy Richard: To Tell You The Truth When actress Wendy Richard was diagnosed with cancer for the third time in January 2008, she decided she wanted to make a film to help other people in a similar situation. This film follows Wendy and husband John through one of the most difficult times in their lives. 8.30 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police. 9.00 The Hottest Place On Earth A team of experts and explorers venture into the Danakil desert in Northern Ethiopia to investigate the incredible geology of the area, and to find out how the people and their animals survive in the hottest place on earth. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the debate from Canary Wharf in London. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week. 12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 Countryfile 2.20 MasterChef 3.20 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria realises that Daz still has feelings for her. Dur. 7.30 Countrywise Series with memorable scenes drawn from the best of the ITV regions. 8.00 The Bill When truck driver Art Minshull is found unconscious in an isolated lay-by with serious head injuries, Smithy guesses that his vehicle has been hijacked for the cigarettes he was transporting. But CID are stunned when they obtain CCTV footage that shows Art ushering a woman and her child into his trailer. What’s he playing at? 9.00 Cops With Cameras Programme taking the viewer right up to the frontlines of police work across the UK. On today’s show, officers from the Greater Manchester Police’s Tactical Aid Unit unearth a machine gun, axes, knives and other dangerous weapons when they raid a caravan park. Blimmin ‘eck! 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dexter The FBI are getting far too close, and Dexter now has a big decision to make. Lila is back, and attempting to blackmail Dexter into a relationship. She’s a freaky lady. 11.40 The Last Word 12.10am FILM: The Ballad Of Cable Hogue (1970) 2.10 Crossing Jordan 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Scottish Cup Football 12.30pm Boots ‘n’ All 1.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.00 Scottish Cup Football 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Masters Tennis 8.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.30am NFL: Total Access 1.30 UAE Motor Racing Championship 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 The Rugby Club 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 Boots ‘n’ All 8.00 British Motocross Championship 9.00 Squash 10.00 Squash 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Licence To Le Mans 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Licence To Le Mans 3.00 British Motocross Championship 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.30 LIVE National Rugby League 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am National Rugby League 2.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Hello Goodbye 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Cold Case 1.00 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain 9.00 Baby Borrowers USA 9.45 The Real Hustle 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Baby Borrowers USA 12.25am Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain 1.25 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 Natural World 8.30 Britain’s Best Drives 9.00 Tom Driberg And Me 10.00 Michael Smith’s Drivetime 10.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 11.00 Tom Driberg And Me 12.00am Michael Smith’s Drivetime 12.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 1.00 Proms On Four 2008: World Music Celebration

3.50pm Vernon Kay: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 American Idol. See highlights. 9.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am American Idol

12.45pm Heartbeat 1.50 Ballykissangel 2.55 Monarch Of The Glen 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Flashpoint 11.00 FILM: Sleuth (1972) 1.40am Kavanagh QC

1.45pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 Skins 11.10 Alan Carr: Tooth Fairy Live 12.10am Scrubs (x2)

2.00pm Come Dine With Me 2.30 The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Rehab 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds (x2) 2.00 Extreme Makeover UK 3.00 Wonder Woman

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.40 Steptoe And Son 11.20 The New Statesman 11.55 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.50am Steptoe And Son

2.00pm An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Against The Elements 9.00 Solved 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Quest For Akhenaten’s Tomb (2008) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 12.00am FILM: Abominable (2006)

6.45am House Of Bamboo (1955) 8.30 Topaz (1969) 10.55 Sweet Charity (1969) 1.20pm Duel In The Sun (1946) 3.35 King Kong Escapes (1968) 5.15 Charade (1963) 7.15 House Of Bamboo (1955) 9.00 Sweet Charity (1969) 11.25 Duel In The Sun (1946) 1.35am Charade (1963)

9.00am The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) 10.55 Mumford (1999) 12.50pm Factory Girl (2006) 2.35 Schultze Gets The Blues (2003) 4.30 The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) 6.25 Mumford (1999) 8.20 Factory Girl (2006) 10.00 La Vie En Rose (2006) 12.20am Youth Without Youth (2007) 2.25 Tube Tales (1999)

1.00pm The Left Hand Of God (1955) 2.45 Never Love A Stranger (1958) 4.35 One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing (1942) 6.50 The Land Girls (1998) 9.00 Little Nicky (2000) Adam Sandler stars as the runt of the Devil family in this anarchic comedy. 10.40 Wrong Turn (2003) 12.20am Comrades (1986)

9.30am A Lion Is In The Streets (1953) 11.10 Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 12.55pm The Naked Runner (1967) 3.00 The Big Trees (1952) 4.45 An American In Paris (1951) 6.50 Bronco Billy (1980) 9.00 Arthur (1981) 10.45 Running On Empty (1988) 1.00am Arthur (1981) 2.40 Running On Empty (1988)

Classics

Indie

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5:47 PM

Page 1

friday 20 Genius BBC2, 10pm It’s spring! We know this not because of any daffodils – chance would be a fine thing – but because there is a whole load of new telly starting with the new season. Taking point in BBC2’s Friday line-up is this, in which Dave Gorman and a guest (Catherine Tate) chew over inventions from the public.

Supernanny E4, 9pm If the naughty step is becoming a distant memory and all the children you see on TV appear in some lament about the youth of nation, fear not. Jo Frost is on hand to tame the monsters and stop perfectly normal adults quaking in their boots at the prospect of babysitting. Jo catches up with some twins.

Bill Bailey Live: Part Troll Channel 4, 10.30pm A highlight of 2004 was Bill Bailey – star of Black Books and Never Mind The Buzzcocks – touring his widely acclaimed show, Part Troll. Harnessing his unique mix of music and mayhem, with a massive side order of just plain fun, this was recorded at his Hammersmith Apollo show. A great giggle for a Friday.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Axe The Agent? 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 ChuckleVision 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 Outback 8 4.35 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Telling Tales 11.35 Telling Tales 11.40 See You, See Me 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Britain’s Dream Homes 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the Roadshow specialists remember the royal treasures that they have unearthed on the show. 7.00 Once A Soldier Documentary series about the Chelsea Pensioners, former British soldiers who live within the Royal Hospital in Chelsea. 7.30 Mastermind Topics are Jackie Stewart, The Novels of Wendy Holden, Honore de Balzac and Kraftwerk. 8.00 No Grounds For Gardening Garden designer Joe Swift has a dream of city streets completely dominated by nature. Not in a postapocalyptic way though. 9.00 Rocket Science Documentary series that tracks inspirational physics teacher Andy Smith’s attempts to convert his pupils to physics and chemistry. Tension mounts when Chantelle is chosen to push the button to fire one of the biggest firework displays the UK has ever seen. 10.00 Genius See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 The Culture Show Uncut A special programme about the life and work of Picasso. 12.20am Medium (x2) 1.45 FILM: Nero Wolfe Mysteries (2001)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Deadly Knowledge Show 9.55 KNTV Sex 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Gay To Z 11.30 Don’t Make Me Angry 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Motorway Story 12.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.35 FILM: The Wrong Arm Of The Law (1963) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy is angry that Russ failed to tell her sooner about Ravi coming on to her. Bye, bye, bi. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World The citizens of Cambodia are once again being driven from their land, 30 years after the fall of the Khmer Rouge. It is capitalism this time though, and not communism, that is the driving force. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? Amanda and Barry have a million pounds to spend on their first home together. Will they buy a manor house in Sussex, or risk everything and start a new life in California? 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon tries to save the Handlebar restaurant in New York, which is stuck in a timewarp. With 1980s-style décor, and a head chef lacking in enthusiasm, can Gordon work his magic? 10.00 Free Agents Comedy series. Alex and Helen’s relationship issues finally come to a head. 10.30 Bill Bailey Live: Part Troll See highlighs. 12.10am 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 12.45 he JD Set Presents: Art Brut 12.55 Royksopp 1.15 4 Rockfeedback 1.45 KOTV Classics 2008 2.45 English Masters Beach Volleyball Blackpool 3.10 Trans World Sport 4.05 Time Team 5.00 Countdown

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Trisha Goddard 11.30 I Own Britain’s Best Home 12.30pm Five News 12.45 Going For Gold 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Going For Gold Extra 3.05 FILM: Lucky 7 (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 To be announced 11.00 Test Cricket 1.00pm LIVE International Cricket 6.00 LIVE International Cricket 10.00 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00am LIVE Test Cricket 5.00 Off The Bar 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders Danielle shocks Archie to his core; will he be able to keep old secrets from coming to light? They’ve only just come out?! 8.30 Outtake TV Anne Robinson presents amusing outtakes from TV shows. Sideways smirk. 9.00 QI Panel-based quiz. Stephen Fry takes a fresh look at food with David Mitchell, Rich Hall, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies. 9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lee is horrified when he hears that Lucy is considering marriage to Pavlov just so that he can stay in the country. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Guests are character actor, Michael Sheen, Lionel Richie and movie star Vin Diesel. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Yes, please! 11.40 FILM: The Tuxedo (2002) Starring Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt. High-kicking action comedy. 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Horizon: How To Survive A Disaster 2.20 Timewatch: The Real Bonnie And Clyde 3.20 Arena: Tony Bennett: The Music Never Ends 4.50 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Desperate to get Nicola out of the vicarage, Sandy and Doug play cupid for her and Jimmy. 7.30 Coronation Street There is a nasty shock in store for Tony. 8.00 Empty House Syndome: Tonight As the number of empty properties is predicted to reach one million this year, Tonight investigates why so many houses remain unused when there is a housing shortage. 8.30 Coronation Street Carla’s actions have a devastating effect on Tony. This comuppence has been brewing longer than Roy’s tea! 9.00 Moving Wallpaper Jonathan Pope puts the writers’ noses out of joint by hiring a new member of staff. But the new scribe is a transsexual named George - and Jonathan cannot help putting his foot in it. 9.30 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder Al Murray offers up more gags and sketches. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Pushing Daisies Ned resuscitates Colonel Likkin, who was killed by being deep-fried in mysterious circumstances. 11.35 FILM: Barbershop 2: Back In Business (2004) Starring Ice Cube, Cedric Entertainer. Comedy sequel. 1.20am FILM: 3000 Miles To Graceland (2001) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early News

6.00 Home And Away Nicole confronts Belle. Geoff and Nicole argue. Nicole’s really stirring it up today. Difficult girl. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Pimp My Ride UK Tim Westwood hosts the custom car show. The team pimps a 1983 Ford Granada Mark II Cardinal Hearse, belonging to heavy metal fan Jay. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS US drama. The murder of a Muslim marine points towards a possible al-Qaeda terrorist cell operating on US soil. However, the investigation is hampered by Ducky’s refusal to perform an autopsy on the victim. Why not? 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama series. The team hunts three escaped prisoners. Don is forced to confront his past when he learns that one of the trio is a troubled teen who blames him for killing his girlfriend. 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series. A group of train passengers, including Elle, are taken hostage by a paranoid schizophrenic. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 WWE Raw 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 NFL: Total Access 5.30 Off The Bar 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Super League 2.00 International Rugby Union 4.30 Tight Lines 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Netball: Super League 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 Premier League Darts 2.30pm Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Racing News 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.30 WWE Raw 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE International Rugby Union 10.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.30 Euro Tour Golf 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 British Ice Hockey 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Shane Richie: Make Me Irish 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 The Wrong Door 8.10 Doctor Who 9.00 Comic Relief: The Fools’ Guide 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Horne And Corden 12.45 Comic Relief’s Naughty Bits 1.45 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Chelsea Pensioners: Girls Allowed 8.00 Handel’s Water Music 9.00 Sissinghurst (x2) 10.00 John Martyn: Johnny Too Bad 11.00 The Old Grey Whistle Test 11.30 Mad Men 12.20am Chelsea Pensioners: Girls Allowed 12.50 The Old Grey Whistle Test 1.20 John Martyn

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.50 The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 American Idol (x2) 11.00 Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 12.00am The Justin Lee Collins Show 1.00 Coronation Street (x2)

11.05am Kavanagh QC 12.45pm Heartbeat 1.50 Ballykissangel 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Flashpoint 10.00 FILM: Mr Jones (1994) 12.20am Liverpool One

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (2) 9.00 Supernanny. See highlights 10.00 Wife Swap 11.00 FILM: The Watcher (2000) 1.00am Scrubs (x2)

2.00pm Come Dine With Me 2.30 The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 FILM: Patriot Games (1992) 12.15am Grand Designs

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 FILM: Shanghai Noon (2000) 11.45 French And Saunders: Titanic Special 12.55am FILM: Shanghai Noon (2000)

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 Scrubs (x2) 12.00am Celebrity Death Match

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Storm Chasers 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Sea Of Souls 9.15 FILM: Godsend (2004) 11.20 FILM: The People Under The Stairs (1991) 1.20am FILM: Dark Storm (2006)

12.15pm Love Story (1970) 2.00 A Medal For Benny (1945) 3.25 The Great McGinty (1940) 4.50 Custer Of The West (1968) 7.15 Love Story (1970) 9.00 The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 10.45 Holiday Inn (1942) 12.30am I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 2.10 35mm

9.00am Goodbye Bafana (2007) 11.00 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 1.10pm Days Of Glory (2005) 3.15 The Movie Geek 3.45 Tell No One (2006) 6.00 Goodbye Bafana (2007) 8.00 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 10.00 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 11.35 Body Shots (1999) 1.25am Mulholland Falls (1996)

1.00pm Queen Bee (1955) 2.55 That Riviera Touch (1966) 4.50 Let’s Make Love (1960) 7.10 Crocodile Dundee (1986) 9.00 Sliding Doors (1998) What if Gweneth Paltrow missed the train? What if she didn’t? Both sides here. 11.00 Blade II (2002) 1.10am Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes (1972)

8.30am Quo Vadis? (1951) 11.30 Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 1.00pm Critic’s Choice (1963) 3.00 Goodbye Mr Chips (1969) 5.40 The Oklahoman (1957) 7.00 The Candidate (1972) 9.00 Lone Star (1996) 11.35 The Man With Two Brains (1983) 1.15am Lone Star (1996) 3.30 The Man With Two Brains (1983)

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3/12/09

5:18 PM

Page 1

saturday 21 Timewatch – WWI Aces Falling BBC2, 8pm Brightonian Edward Mannock (far left) and James McCudden were two of Britain’s greatest fighter aces in the First World War. As their victories grew, so did their chances of dying in flames. This is the story of their battle to survive and the mystery surrounding their death.

Live at the Apollo BBC1, 9.25pm Host Jack Dee and guests Jason Manford and Russell Howard regale their audience with thoughts on everything from melting polar ice caps, wimpy professional footballers and celebrity-voiced sat nav systems to canine funerals, online dating and how best to outwit muggers. Class acts.

In Search Of Wabi Sabi With Marcel Theroux BBC4, 10pm British novelist Marcel Theroux is fascinated by Wabi Sabi, a theory of Japanese aesthetics in which imperfection and transience are the touchstone of beauty. Marcel travels across Japan trying to unravel this baffling concept that is at the heart of what makes the Japanese tick.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.35 Rachel Allen: Bake! 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Six Nations Rugby 3.15 Six Nations Rugby 5.20 Six Nations Rugby

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.25 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.35 Three Delivery 8.00 Skunk Fu 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero? 9.55 Bernard 10.00 Basil’s Swap Shop 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Kyle XY 12.45 SuperAgents 1.15 Sound 1.45 Revealed 2.00 Coast 2.05 Psych 2.45 Psych 3.30 Flog It! 4.30 Final Score 5.10 Galapagos 6.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape Monty goes in search of basking sharks with the help of a friend who flies a paraglider. 7.00 The Genius Of Photography Documentary series exploring the history of photography. A look at the current state of the art, from a three million-dollar Edward Steichen print to the estimated 29 billion photographs taken in 2006 by phone cameras alone, as well as the impact of digital post-production techniques that make anything possible, and the rediscovery of techniques taking photography back to the 19th century. 8.00 Timewatch - WWI Aces Falling See highlights. 9.00 The Lost World Of Communism Documentary series on the fall of the Iron Curtain and its legacy. 1989 marked the collapse of communism in Eastern and Central Europe and an end to a way of life for millions of people. 10.00 QI XL Stephen Fry and co take a fresh smart comic look at food. 10.45 FILM: Trauma (2003) Psychological thriller. A man wakes up from a coma to discover that his wife has been killed in a car crash. He is haunted by images of his dead wife and after strange occurrences at his home, he agrees to see a psychic. 12.15am FILM: Young Frankenstein 2.00 Mad Men 2.45 FILM: The Announcement

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Supernormal 9.55 Planet Sketch 10.10 Bernard 10.25 The Cosby Mysteries 11.20 Countrywise 11.50 Dancing On Ice 12.50pm Dancing On Ice – The Skate Off 1.35 ITV News And Weather 1.40 Inspector Morse 3.45 FILM: Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties (2006) 5.15 Meridian News And Weather 5.30 ITV News And Weather 5.45 New You’ve Been Framed!

6.10am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freesports 7.30 Vendee Globe 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.50 Friends 10.20 Friends 10.50 Mark Ronson’s Top 20 Brit Girls 11.50 Lily Allen: Video Exclusive 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.30pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp More mischievous twists to your favourite soaps, reality and documentarys. 6.45 The Colour Of Money Chris Tarrant and Millie Clode host the most stressful gameshow on TV. It really is you know, and that Tarrent, he can’t get enough of turning the screws. 7.45 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway For the final show of the series, Ant and Dec will be discussing Proust. Only kidding! The boys are joined by High School Musical heartthrob Zac Efron in the voiceover booth. Plus, Lily Allen will be giving a live performance of her new single ‘Not Fair‘. 9.00 FILM: Notting Hill (1999) Not again. Hugh flops his fringe and Julia loves him. If you are the one person in the universe who has yet to see this film, or you have chronic flu, this is worth seeing. If only for Rhys Ifens little spin in his panties. Awww. 11.20 ITV News And Weather 11.35 FILM: Perfect Strangers (2004) Starring Rob Lowe, Anna Friel. Romantic comedy focusing on the developing relationship between two advertising professionals whose employers decide to have them swap jobs and homes for a month. 1.15am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 2.05 Winter Solstice 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me The competition visits Manchester, where acid-tongued HR consultant Chris Brady plays host. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Time Team Tony Robinson and the team search for the remains of a 13th century palace belonging to Henry III’s Lord Chancellor, a building which became the birthplace for the British legal system. The team also try to find evidence of London’s earlier Anglo-Saxon history in Lincoln’s Inn Fields. During a dig that becomes one of the most logistically challenging that the team have faced. 8.00 Grand Designs Property series following householders as they build their own homes. Kevin McCloud returns to the 15th-century castle home of Francis Shaw in the Yorkshire Dales, and discovers the spiralling cost of restoring the protected monument have turned his dream into a nightmare. 9.00 FILM: Gosford Park (2001) See film highlights. 11.40 FILM: Courage Under Fire (1996) Starring Meg Ryan, Denzel Washington. Drama about a US Army captain who is killed in action and whose behaviour is investigated to see if she deserves to be awarded a posthumous Medal of Honour. 1.55am FILM: The Score (2001) 3.55 Time Team 4.50 Countdown 5.35 Inuk 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Animal Families 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.50 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 The Gadget Show 11.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.00pm Ice Road Truckers 1.00 Perfect Disaster 2.00 Zoo Days 2.05 FILM: The Babysitters Club (1995) 3.55 FILM: Mystery Woman: Sing Me A Murder (2005) 5.40 Five News 5.50 FILM: Ice Station Zebra (1968) 8.25 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. The severed head of a marine is found hidden in the boot of a car, triggering a search for the rest of the body and the man’s killer. 9.25 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The discovery of a woman’s body leads the detectives to a bizarre party, a strange fruit and a jealous businesswoman. Elsewhere, Stella puts her career on the line in pursuit of a shady Greek diplomat and Mac realises he may have a stalker. 10.25 Law And Order Crime drama. A recently paroled criminal dies after being run down by a car. Detectives believe his former therapist had a hand in the murder when they discover that she had serious misgivings about his release. 11.25 NCIS US drama based on the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The murder of a Muslim marine points towards a possible Al-Qaeda terrorist cell operating on US soil. However, the investigation is hampered by Ducky’s refusal to perform an autopsy on the victim. 12.25am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 House Doctor x2

7.30 Total Wipeout Richard Hammond’s presents new game show. Crashes, smashes and mud splashes are on the cards as 20 contestants take on one of TV’s largest and extreme obstacle courses. 8.25 The National Lottery Draws Gethin Jones is live from Lottery HQ. 8.35 Casualty Big Mac reflects on the events leading up to his arrest. Locked in a police cell, he starts to think about his budding friendship with Jessica, and the shame he faced when the pair were attacked at gunpoint. 9.25 Live At The Apollo See highlights. 10.10 BBC News 10.25 Regional News And Weather 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the day’s Premier League matches. Manchester United are in the capital to take on Fulham, having won their last eight Premier League encounters with the West London club. White Hart Lane plays host to Tottenham’s clash with Chelsea. 11.50 A Question Of Sport Joining the regulars are Phil Taylor, David Coulthard, Richard Dunwoody and Alan Curbishley. 12.20am FILM: Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead 2.10 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 3.10 Weatherview 3.15 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Fishing: Bass Fishing 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Gillette World Sport 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm Live Test Cricket 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Volvo Ocean Race 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 LIVE Cricket: Women’s World Cup 3.00am LIVE Cricket: Women’s World Cup

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Max Power 8.00 Friday Fight Night 10.00 WWE: Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Masters Tennis 3.00 WWE Smackdown 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 Masters Tennis 8.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 12.00am Euro Tour Golf 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 3.30 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 4.30 UAE Motor Racing Championship 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

9.00am Soccer AM 12.00pm Oops TV 12.30 Oops TV 1.00 Gladiators G Zone 1.10 Lost (x3) 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 The Simpsons (x4) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Guinness World Records Top 100 12.30am 24 1.30 Road Wars (x2) 3.20 Street Wars 4.15 The Villa

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? 7.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 8.00 Top Gear 9.05 FILM: Interview With The Vampire (1994) 11.05 Live At The Apollo 11.50 Family Guy (x2) 12.35am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.05 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 2.05 Freaky Eaters 3.00 Deborah 13: Servant Of God

7.00pm Legends: Roy Orbison 8.00 Japan In Colour: The Wonderful World Of Albert Kahn 9.00 Secret Wilderness - Japan 9.10 Great Railway Journeys 10.00 In Search Of Wabi Sabi With Marcel Theroux 11.30 FILM: The Hidden Blade (2004) 1.40am Proms 2008: Messiaen And Saint-Saens

1.45pm Paris Hilton’s British Best Friend 2.45 Gossip Girl 3.45 American Idol 5.45 American Idol 6.45 FILM: Twins (1988) 8.50 Robyn: The Hot Desk 9.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 10.00 FILM: Police Academy (1984) 12.00am Celebrity Juice 12.30 FM 1.00 Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty

1.15pm FILM: The Three Musketeers (1973) 3.25 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Master Of The Moor 4.30 My Uncle Silas 5.35 Goodnight Sweetheart (x2) 6.50 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.40 Cracker 11.50 Hammer House Of Horror 1.00am Wycliffe

10.00am The Simple Life 2: Road Trip (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.45pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 50 Greatest Comedy Films 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 Dark Angel 2.00 The Simple Life 2: Road Trip

9.00am Time Team (x3) 12.05pm FILM: Escape To Athena (1979) 2.20 3 Minute Wonder (x2) 2.30 Grand Designs (x5) 7.55 Time Team Special: The Ten Million Pound House 9.00 Project Grizzly 10.10 Stranded In Grizzly Country 11.15 Big Snake 12.20am The West Wing 1.20 Project Grizzly

11.00am Charmed 12.00pm Lois And Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x7) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Boston Legal

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.20pm Steptoe And Son 3.15 My Family 3.55 Only Fools And Horses 4.35 Bread 5.15 My Family 5.55 Butterflies 6.35 Open All Hours 7.15 The Green Green Grass 7.55 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.00 Jonathan Creek 12.20am Blackadder Goes Forth 1.00 Charlie’s Angels

6.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 Two And A Half Men 10.30 Rules Of Engagement 11.00 Two And A Half Men 11.30 The King Of Queens 12.00am Rules Of Engagement 12.30 South Park (x2)

2.00pm When Rome Ruled Egypt 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Unsolved Murders (x2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Against The Elements 7.00 Storm Chasers 8.00 Extreme Loggers 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Line-Up: When Eyes Deceive 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Extreme Forensics

1.00pm FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 2.50 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Volcano (2004) 4.30 FILM: Countdown: The Sky’s On Fire (1998) 6.30 Ghost Stories 7.00 Haunted Homes 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Kaw (2007) 11.50 FILM: Nature Of The Beast (2005) 1.50am FILM: Godsend (2004)

1.00pm A Foreign Affair (1948) 3.00 The Lost Weekend (1945) 4.45 The Greatest Show On Earth (1952) 7.20 The Far Country (1955) 9.00 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 10.45 The Nutty Professor (1963) 12.35am The Greatest Show On Earth (1952)

9.00am Away From Her (2006) 10.55 For Your Consideration (2006) 12.25pm Raising Arizona (1987) 2.10 Water (2005) 4.10 Sicko (2007) 6.20 Black Snake Moan (2006) 8.20 Raising Arizona (1987) 10.00 Magnolia (1999) 1.15am Eastern Promises (2007)

1.00pm Carpool (1996) 2.45 Blanche Fury (1948) 4.35 The Raid (1954) 6.25 K-19: The Widowmaker (2001) 9.00 A Knight’s Tale (2001) 11.35 Bug (2006) 1.40am La Antena (2007) 3.50 Close

9.55am At The Circus (1939) 11.40 Murder At The Gallop (1963) 1.05pm One Of Our Spies Is Missing (1966) 3.00 A Little Romance (1979) 5.05 Pride And Prejudice (1940) 7.15 Crazy From The Heart (1991) 9.00 In Love And War (1996) 11.10 Before Sunrise (1995) 1.05am In Love And War (1996)

Classics

Indie

038_LS415_TVsun

3/13/09

5:58 PM

Page 1

sunday 22 Yellowstone BBC2, 8pm Series following America’s wildlife in Yellowstone. As the snow melts, Grizzly bears teach their young how to hunt and when to move out into summer forests. But summer here is fickle – August is the only month in the year when it doesn’t snow, but just as summer finally arrives, fires sweep through the forest.

Lewis ITV1, 9pm Perfect Sunday night fodder as Lewis and Hathaway investigate the strange murder of a beautiful young Eastern European woman. Her death comes straight from the pages of a fantasy novel written by Oxford tutor Dorian Crane. Is this the work of a crazed fan, or is there something even more sinister going on?

The Car Show BBC4, 8pm Documentary exploring how cars have been presented on TV in motoring programmes. It looks at classic magazine shows which spawned the next generation of programming such as the original Top Gear with Angela Rippon and Noel Edmonds. Brum, brum, where would Top Gear be without them?

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Countryfile 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Murder, She Wrote 1.45 EastEnders 3.45 After You’ve Gone 4.15 Wild About Your Garden 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 Regional News And Weather

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Doodle Do Making Moments 6.40 Big Cook Little Cook 7.00 Batfink 7.10 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.25 Rocket Boy And Toro 7.35 Three Delivery 8.00 The Revenge Files Of Alistair Fury 8.25 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 2.30 FILM: Voyage Of The Damned (1976) 5.00 Orangutan Diary

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Captain Mack 9.40 Horrid Henry 9.55 All Grown Up 10.25 Finger Tips Mini 10.30 Tricky Quickies 10.35 The Championship 12.05pm Coronation Street Omnibus 2.15 ITV News And Weather 2.20 The Colour Of Money 3.20 FILM: For Your Eyes Only (1981) 5.45 Creature Comforts

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 4Sport: Destination 2012 8.55 Friends 9.25 Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Lady Gaga Special 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.35 Friends 2.10 The Big Bang Theory 2.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Time Team

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Animal Families 8.35 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.45 Roobarb And Custard Too 8.55 Roary The Racing Car 9.10 Rupert Bear 9.30 Jane And The Dragon 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Boxing Special 11.30 Numb3rs 12.30pm Build A New Life In The Country - Was It Worth It? 1.30 Zoo Days 1.40 FILM: A Lawless Street (1955) 3.10 FILM: Ben-Hur (1959)

6.00am UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Super League 9.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Super League 4.00 Spanish Football

6.00 The Hottest Place On Earth A team of experts and explorers venture into the Danakil desert in Northern Ethiopia to investigate the incredible geology of the area, and to find out how the people and their animals survive in the hottest place on earth. 7.00 Nature’s Great Events The most dramatic wildlife spectacles on our planet, narrated by David ‘God’ Attenborough. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Items exciting the experts include an elaborate tea service made for a maharajah and designs for the tomb of the Unknown Soldier. 9.00 The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency Mma Ramotswe gets caught between a dangerous case of ivory smuggling and a feuding family when she is asked to investigate the unusual behaviour of Rra Lisindi and the case of a possible poisoner. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. 11.00 FILM: My Boss’s Daughter (2003) Romantic comedy about a trainee publishing executive who agrees to house-sit a palatial mansion for one night, believing it to be the perfect opportunity to get close to his boss’s beautiful daughter. 12.25am Weatherview 12.30 Sign Zone: Nature’s Great Events 1.30 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.30 Sign Zone: Axe The Agent? 4.30 BBC News

6.00 Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden When Darwin published his theory of evolution he retreated to his garden to do experiments that would defend his theory. Jimmy Doherty recreates this extraordinary work. He puts a snake into a monkey enclosure to find out whether monkeys are curious; he has his face electrically stimulated to create a smile; and musical instruments are played to an earthworm to test its hearing. 7.00 Top Gear In the last show of the current series, Jeremy, Richard and James take on their rivals from the German equivalent of Top Gear. 8.00 Yellowstone See highlights. 9.00 Monty Halls’ Great Escape It is the Highland Games and Monty takes part in the games, surprising everyone by winning one of the main events. He also confronts the dark side of his new life when he has to shoot and butcher one of the sheep he has been raising over the summer. 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights from today’s Premier League games. 11.00 Beyond Boundaries Series following 11 people as they attempt to make history by walking 220 miles from the Atlantic to the Pacific. 12.00am The Graham Norton Show Uncut 12.45 Heroes 1.25 FILM: I Don’t Want To Be Born 3.00 BBC News 4.30 The Super League Show

6.00 Meridian News And Weather 6.15 ITV News And Weather 6.30 The Prince In The Rainforest Prince Charles, travels through Brazil’s Amazon basin to see for himself the evidence of our changing world. The Prince talks exclusively to ITV’s science editor Lawrence McGinty about the planet and what we can do to save it. 6.55 Dancing On Ice After weeks of hard work and sparkling routines, it is the final! All the finalists are skating to be in with a chance of being crowned Dancing on Ice Champions 2009. Oh there will be tears before bedtime I tell you. Let’s hope they get Todd Carty back out on the ice for a reminder of his greatness. Who’d have thought Tucker had that talent? 9.00 Lewis See highlights. 11.00 ITV News And Weather 11.15 Traffic Three-part spin-off series from the Oscar-winning movie set in the murky world of illegal trafficking, where illicit organisations trade drugs, weapons and human beings. The lives of three men - a drug enforcement officer, a young businessman and an illegal immigrant - become intertwined in ways they could never have foreseen. 12.50am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.45 The Big Tackle 2.35 The Cosby Mysteries 3.25 Empty House Syndrome 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Heston’s Tudor Feast Heston Blumenthal attempts to recreate the feasts from history. Heston creates a spectacular Tudor feast for a group of celebrity diners. Frog blancmange, bone marrow rice pudding and butterbeer are on the menu. 8.00 Come Dine With Me More hot in the kitchen eat offs. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Kevin Morley from Oxford is the former MD of Rover, once responsible for a turnover of 3.2 billion pounds. Kevin looks for work as a volunteer among community projects in Haringey, North London, which suffers from poor housing and overcrowding. 10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Chris Moyles and guests compete in a quiz about the week’s events. 10.50 FILM: Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) Starring Nicolas Cage, Penelope Cruz, John Hurt. Wartime drama about the romance that develops between a gregarious Italian captain and a strong-willed Greek woman during the Italian occupation of Cephalonia. Based on the best-selling novel by Louis de Bernieres. 1.10am FILM: Little Red Flowers 2.55 Love Me Or Leave Me Alone 3.10 Hill Street Blues 4.00 Time Team 4.50 Countdown 5.35 Grabbit 5.45 The Hoobs

7.05 FILM: I Spy (2002) Starring Eddie Murphy, Owen Wilson, Famke Janssen, Malcolm McDowell, Gary Cole, Phill Lewis and Viv Leacock. Spy comedy, based on a 1960s TV show of the same name, in which a CIA agent teams up with a loud-mouthed boxer for a secret mission to recover a super-plane from Budapest. 8.55 Five News 9.00 FILM: Shallow Hal (2001) Starring Jack Black, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jason Alexander, Joe Viterelli and Rene Kirby. Comedy about a shallow man who only dates young, beautiful women until a motivational entrepreneur hypnotises him so that he is only able to see inner beauty. He quickly becomes smitten with an inwardly perfect young woman who weighs 300lbs but their love is put to the test by his innate superficiality when his friend undoes the hypnosis. 11.15 FILM: Envy (2004) Black comedy in which a pair of friends become enemies. The next-door neighbours find themselves at odds after one of them invents a surprisingly effective vaporising spray. As the invention makes one man rich, his pal becomes increasingly jealous. 1.10am Winter X Games 2.00 Boxing Classic 4.00 UEFA Cup Football 5.10 House Doctorx2

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 Spanish Football 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 1.00pm LIVE International Cricket 6.00 LIVE International Cricket 10.00 Test Cricket 12.00am Test Cricket 1.00 Euro Tour Golf 2.00 Test Cricket 4.00 Test Cricket 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Seamaster Sailing 7.30 Wild Spirits 8.00 Euro Tour Golf 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Wild Spirits 12.00pm Masters Tennis 2.00 Live Premiership Rugby Union 4.30 Seamaster Sailing 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am WWE Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

10.00am Gladiators 11.00 WWE Experience 12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 Lost (x4) 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Fringe 11.10 Night Cops 12.10am Road Wars 1.10 Road Wars 2.05 Street Wars 3.00 The Villa 3.55 Australia Uncovered 4.50 Bite Size Brainiac

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.00 18 Pregnant Schoolgirls 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Little Britain 11.15 Brave Young Men 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.15am Horne And Corden

7.00pm Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 8.00 The Car Show 9.00 John Martyn At The BBC 10.00 John Martyn: Johnny Too Bad 11.00 In The Shadow Of Fujisan 11.50 Storyville: The Kawasaki Candidate 12.40am Baroque! - From St Peter’s To St Paul’s 1.45 Proms On Four: Barenboim And West-Eastern Divan

3.00pm Johnny Vegas: The Hot Desk 3.15 Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 4.30 Coronation Street Omnibus 6.50 FILM: What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1994) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 FM 11.30 Celebrity Juice 12.00am FILM: Armed And Dangerous (1986)

12.05pm Pollyanna 2.15 FILM: Sabrina (1995) 4.50 Simply Red - Live At The Royal Albert Hall 5.55 ABBA: The Mamma Mia! Story 7.00 Persuasion 9.00 ITV3 Movie: Mothers Day Viewers’ Choice 11.30 Ladies Of Letters 12.00am City Lights 1.05 Hornblower 2.45 Surgical Spirit (x2) 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus

11.30am Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious (x2) 1.15pm Beauty And The Geek 2.10 Joan Of Arcadia (x2) 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Sex And The City (x2) 1.10 Ghost Whisperer

1.45pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.40 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 Jamie At Home 8.00 Beyond River Cottage (x2) 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 10.00 The World’s Most Enhanced Woman And Me 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.50 Deal Or No Deal

12.00pm Lois And Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model (x4) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Pop Goes The Band 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters International

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.15pm The Green Green Grass 12.55 Only Fools And Horses 2.25 The Green Green Grass Christmas Special 3.30 My Family 4.10 Only Fools And Horses 4.50 Bread 5.30 My Family 6.10 Butterflies 6.50 The Green Green Grass 7.30 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family (x6) 1.00am The Dick Emery Show

12.00pm Unsolved History (x2) 2.00 Storm Chasers (x4) 6.00 Against The Elements 7.00 Ways To Save The Planet 8.00 Hitler’s Generals 9.00 Blitz: London’s Firestorm 10.00 Treasure Quest 11.00 Undercover: Double Life 12.00am Extreme Forensics 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill

12.00pm FILM: Sub Zero (2005) 2.00 FILM: My Stepmother Is An Alien (1988) 4.00 Firefly 5.00 Eli Stone 6.00 FILM: The Quest For Akhenaten’s Tomb (2008) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 10.50 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 12.40am FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 3.00 Dead Like Me

10.35am Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 1.00pm Sunset Boulevard (1950) 2.50 Stalag 17 (1953) 5.00 Rear Window (1954) 7.00 The Comancheros (1961) 9.00 In The Heat Of The Night (1967) 11.00 Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 1.30am The Movie Geek 2.00 Psycho (1960)

11.30am Tumbleweeds (1999) 1.15pm Year Of The Dog (2007) 2.55 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 4.50 The Movie Geek 5.20 Rescue Dawn (2006) 7.30 Mulholland Drive (2001) 10.00 Crash (1996) 11.45 Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998) 1.45am Rescue Dawn (2006)

1.00pm A Knight’s Tale (2001) 3.35 The Eve Of Saint Mark (1944) 5.30 Watership Down (1978) 7.15 Airplane! (1980) 9.00 Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery (1997) 10.50 Porky’s (1982) 12.45am Jackie Brown (1997) 3.45 Close

9.50am Rio Rita (1942) 11.30 The Oklahoma Kid (1939) 1.05pm Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 3.00 Crossing Delancey (1988) 4.50 Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 6.55 Mrs Soffel (1984) 9.00 Overnight Delivery (1996) 10.35 Forget Paris (1995) 12.30am Overnight Delivery (1996)

Classics

Indie

039_LS415_TVmon

3/12/09

5:20 PM

Page 1

monday 23 Cleopatra: Portrait Of A Killer BBC1, 9pm Cleopatra, for 2000 years almost all evidence of her has disappeared – until now. Neil Oliver investigates the story of a ruthless queen who would kill her own siblings for power. Now it’s believed the skeleton of her sister who was murdered by Cleopatra and Mark, has been uncovered.

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle BBC2, 10pm Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle marks the return to television, after a decade’s absence, of one of Britain’s most highly regarded stand-up comedians. In this episode, Stewart takes a look at the state of British television today, and wonders who is to blame? The boy is good.

The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes ITV3, 7.50pm Holmes and Watson are approached by Scotland Yard to help a spinster who needs help to find her missing sister. When the woman receives a grim present, Holmes decides to investigate further, and soon uncovers a tale of jealousy and unrequited love leading to betrayal and murder.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Mona The Vampire 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.05 One Minute Wonders 4.35 Half Moon Investigations 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog Latest consumer news and advice live from the Watchdog office. 8.00 EastEnders Danielle is bursting to tell the world her good news, but Archie has other plans. Peggy finally makes a decision about her campaign. 8.30 Panorama As the credit crunch pushes Britain’s long-running pensions and savings time-bomb to a critical new stage, Panorama takes the experts to those facing an uncertain future to see if they can find a solution. 9.00 Cleopatra: Portrait Of A Killer See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Undercover Princes The Princes continue their quest for love. 11.35 FILM: Keeping The Faith (2000) Comedy in which two childhood friends who have both grown up with religious vocations, one as a Catholic priest and one as a rabbi, fall for the same woman. 1.35am Weatherview 1.40 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 2.40 Sign Zone: Victorian Farm 3.40 Sign Zone: Darwin’s Dangerous 4.40 BBC News

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.30 Roar 8.30 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.45 Jackanory Junior 9.00 Big And Small 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary History 11.40 Primary History 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Priceless Antiques Roadshow The specialists recall the debut of retro on the roadshow. 7.00 Yellowstone Series following America’s wildlife in Yellowstone. 8.00 Railway Walks Julia Bradbury crosses an entire country, winding past Cornwall’s crumbling engine houses and following a railway that has not operated for 140 years. 8.30 Grow Your Own Drugs Most people use herbs to give food a bit of extra taste and flavour, but in this episode, ethnobotanist James Wong explores their more traditional use in helping treat a range of minor everyday ailments. 9.00 Heroes Drama series about people around the world dealing with their newly discovered superpowers. 9.45 That Mitchell And Webb Glimpse The boys are back in town. 10.00 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight Stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lee is horrified when he hears that Lucy is considering marriage to Pavlov. 11.50 British Style Genius A fascinating look at what makes British fashion and style so distinctive and influential. 12.50am British Style Genius BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.10am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Farm Revealed 9.55 KNTV Sex 10.30 World Of Difference 11.00 Fame Asylum 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 My Eden 12.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.45 FILM: The Outcast (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ford Football Special 8.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 2.30pm LIVE Test Cricket 4.00 Powder Adventures 4.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Football League: League Two 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Dingles come up with a plan to get the money to renovate Debbie’s house. 7.30 Coronation Street Tony is left reeling by Michelle’s revelations about Carla. 8.00 Kevin Whately On Dementia: Tonight Actor Kevin Whately shares the story of his mother’s struggle with Alzheimer’s disease. 8.30 Coronation Street Things get passionate between Tony and Natasha. Deirdre is frustrated by Ken’s indifference. 9.00 Law & Order: UK Drama series based on the acclaimed US show. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder Al Murray offers up more gags and sketches. 11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp More mischievous twists to your favourite soaps, reality and documentarys. 11.35 FILM: Just Visiting (2001) Time-travelling family comedy in which a 12th-century French knight finds the world is a very different place in the future when he is transported to 21st-century Chicago. 1.05am Wanted 1.55 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.25 Loose Women 3.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Marge enjoys the pleasures of driving a sports utility vehicle. 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy runs out of the flat having caught Ravi and Kris. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder Artist Kutlug Ataman’s series of short films. 8.00 Dispatches Documentary investigating whether patient care is being compromised in NHS hospitals. 9.00 The Great Sperm Race Documentary telling the story of human conception. Scientists, computer imagery and dramatic reconstruction bring to life the extraordinary journey of sperm from ejaculation to egg, scaled up to human size and with the sperm played by real people. Human-sized heroes negotiate some hostile terrain representing parts of the human body. 10.10 The Secret Millionaire Kevin Morley from Oxford is the former MD of Rover, once responsible for a turnover of 3.2 billion pounds. Kevin looks for work as a volunteer among community projects in Haringey, North London. 11.15 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Chris Moyles and guests compete in a quiz about the week’s events. 12.00am 4 Music: Arctic Monkeys Live At The Apollo 1.00 Coming Up 1.25 The Real Casino Royale 2.25 FILM: The Million Pound Note (1954) 4.00 The Blue Dragon x5

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.45 Make Way For Noddy 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Mio Mao 8.50 Play! 8.58 Little Lodgers 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Survival On The Mountain (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Will Joey press charges against Robbo? Kirsty wants her old job back. Does Irene have a secret admirer? Oooh! 6.30 Monkey Life Pregnant woolly monkey Piquita looks fit to burst. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn examines the feats of science and engineering behind everyday life. 8.00 The Gadget Show Vic Reeves challenges the team to realise his design for a remote-controlled shopping trolley, 9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Robson Green profiles fishing destinations around the globe. 10.00 Extraordinary People: The World’s Oldest Conjoined Twins At the age of 57, Ronnie and Donnie Galyon are the oldest conjoined twins in the world. This film follows the brothers as they fulfil a dream of watching their favourite American football team play. 11.00 FILM: Down And Out In Beverly Hills (1986) Barbed comedy about a tramp who worms his way into the lives of a neurotic, nouveauriche Beverly Hills family. 1.00am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.50 USPGA Golf 2.40 AMA Supercross 3.20 Arenacross 4.00 Race And Rally UK 4.25 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 H2O Sports International 5.30 Wild Spirits 6.00 British Rally Championship 6.30 Extra Time 7.00 Golf 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Poker 12.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Big League Weekend 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 Extra Time 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Super League 10.00 NASCAR 12.30pm Super 14 Rugby 2.30 Super League 4.30 WWE Raw 6.30 H2O Sports International 7.00 NASCAR 9.30 British Rally Championship 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 3.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Tim Gunn’s Guide To Style 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Josef Fritzl: Story Of A Monster 11.00 Road Wars (x3) 1.50am Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle (x2) 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 1.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.30 Horne And Corden 2.00 Mark’s On The Blog

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Legends: Matt Monro - The Man With The Golden Voice 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 Fish!: A National Obsession 10.30 FILM: Gohatto (1997) 12.05am Whale Hunters 1.05 Fish!: A National Obsession 2.35 Proms On Four 2008: Messiaen 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.50 The Fratellis: The Hot Desk 4.00 Loose Women 5.00 The Ricki Lake Show 5.50 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 11.25 Coronation Street (x2) 12.25am Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie

2.50pm The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 3.55 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Vanity Dies Hard 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 Ballykissangel 7.50 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Piers Morgan On... 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 City Lights 12.10am Liverpool One

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 Derren Brown: Evening Of Wonders 12.10am Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.05 ER 12.05am Brothers And Sisters

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Pop Goes The Band 11.00 CSI 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.40 The Green Green Grass Christmas Special 10.45 The Fast Show 11.25 The New Statesman 12.00am The Green Green Grass

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x3) 9.30 Rules Of Engagement 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs 11.40 Scrubs 12.10am Two And A Half Men 12.40 Rules Of Engagement 1.10 Frasier

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 How It’s Made (x2) 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Extreme Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Quest For Akhenaten’s Tomb (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: Derailed (2002)

12.00pm The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 2.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 4.20 Safety Last (1923) 5.45 Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy (1955) 7.10 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 9.00 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 10.55 The Apartment (1960) 1.05am Too Late The Hero (1970)

9.00am Jindabyne (2006) 11.10 The Counterfeiters (2007) 12.50pm Clubland (2007) 2.50 Ten Canoes (2006) 4.25 Jindabyne (2006) 6.30 The Counterfeiters (2007) 8.10 Clubland (2007) 10.00 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 12.05am Summer Of Sam (1999)

1.00pm Five Against The House (1955) 2.40 The Left Hand Of God (1955) 4.25 A Letter To Three Wives (1949) 6.30 Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe (1991) 9.00 Adrift (2006) 10.50 GI Jane (1997) 1.10am Autumn Sonata (1978) 3.05 Close

11.10am The Charge At Feather River (1953) 12.55pm The Barkleys Of Broadway (1949) 3.00 The Jazz Singer (1953) 5.00 Executive Action (1973) 6.45 The Searchers (1956) 9.00 Dolores Claiborne (1995) 11.30 Bonfire Of The Vanities (1990) 1.45am The Screening Room 2.10 Dolores Claiborne (1995)

Classics

Indie