Latest 7: No.417 by Latest Homes

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3/27/09

12:01 PM

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 31 March – 6 April 2009

FREE WEEKLY

turn heads win a complete hair makeover rock the boat ralph brown on getting his sea legs scene stealer film editor terry rawlings on the perfect cut

hot stuff latest

head to fletch at st andrews in hove for the alternative brighton fringe experience page 11

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the uk’s best free green & ethical lifestyle magazine is now inside latest 7 (p18)

002_LS417_Dymanic Yoga

3/25/09

12:59 PM

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7 Video testimonals on the website.

3/27/09

3:43 PM

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–11 5 Seann restrains from sleep 6 Social Diary at the Fringe launch and a high school fashion show

6 Claim a free day pass at Fitness First

8 Bare Cheek: Remember when St Ann’s Well Gardens was a hunting ground?

8 Astral Angi: why you should be nice 9 Celeb City: Blanch House owners marooned and the Cheeky Girls strip

10 Interview: Film editor Terry Rawlings on a 45-year movie career

11 Cover story: Fletch Productions bring the best of the Fringe to Hove

19 Reviews Missed a gig? Live vicariously

20 Film Brighton’s Ralph Brown on his role in The Boat That Rocked

22 Comedy A peek at an improv fringe show Silk screening by a tattoo artist

23 Kids & Events Easter holiday fun and car rally

23 Books City Reads begins – got your book yet?

24 Music Loop Festival news, Fairtrade Gallery and The Levellers Brighton Latest Download Chart

12 News summary and Mary Mears

27 Clubs

14 Letters: Was Seann too hard on Polegate? A Brightonian bites back

14 Sport: dark clouds are looming for the Football League

★ latest lifestyle 15–18

22 Art

★ latest news 12–14 13 Phil Mills on the Eddie Kidd Foundation

he hardest thing about Brighton Festival and Fringe is the stultifying number of potentially brilliant shows. It‘s impossible to see everything, so where do you kick off? You could do worse than nipping along to one of this year‘s new venues – St Andrew‘s Church in Waterloo Street, Hove. Fletch Productions – Brighton, Edinburgh and New York fringe veterans – are introducing the venue with a programme that looks set to create some of the highlights of the season (p11). Last year the company’s founder Fiona Fletcher brought you such delights at the Udderbelly as New York cabaret show Le Scandal, Marcus Monroe and award-winning Broadway show Esoterica. Photographer Tim Richardson was at the fringe launch party on the pier, see his pictures in Social Diary (p6). The film everyone’s talking about this week is The Boat That Rocked, the feelgood movie about the days before Radio 1. It features Brighton actor Ralph Brown, who you might know as Danny in Withnail and I or the co-founder of The Brighton Beach Boys. Ralph talked to us about playing a part based on John Peel (p21). If you can’t wait ‘til May to start your festival-going, a new music and arts festival starts in April. Read all about the gigs and exhibitions at Kemp Town’s Fairtrade Gallery in Jeff Hemmings’ art and music pages (p22 and 24). Another hub of creative activity is the rather marvellous The Space event at Latest MusicBar with guest appearances from talented media types. Next week it’s the turn of film editor Terry Rawlings and NME editor Conor McNicholas. Read Andy Morton’s interview with Terry on page 10. One of last week’s biggest news stories was the death of Jade Goody. In her column, Dani ponders her legacy (p7). Columnists Will and Alison are taking a break, but will be back next week. Seann Walsh is still here – and not everyone’s happy about it. One reader thought he may have offended with his comments about Polegate. See our letters page (p14) – and don’t forget to write in if you want to respond to anything in the mag.

★ latest listings 19–37

and have a chance to win membership

7 Dani mourns Jade Goody

Welcome T

TOP

Get some practice for Easter

28 Stage A bomb survivor tells his story

29 Gay Where to go and who to see

30 TV Dani tries Horne and Corden, but isn‘t sure she likes them. Plus your sevenday TV guide

15 Andrew rediscovers The Pomegranate 17 Hotlist. Great deals on food. 18 Health & Beauty: Forde Hair

15 11

01273 818150

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Sub Editors Joe Curtin Patrick O’Donnell

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writer Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

20 26 Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

latest

003_LS417_contents

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the uk’s best free green & ethical lifestyle magazine is now inside latest 7

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27/3/09

3:06 PM

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005_LS417_Seann/Xword

3/26/09

1:36 PM

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SEANN’S WORLD | XWORD 05

Seann

Seann Walsh takes steps to correct the damage love of sleep has done to his body clock

Clocking in haven’t slept for two nights, entirely by choice. This doesn’t suit me – I savour sleep and all its associates: naps; snoozes; lieins; and the rest. Even the coma has an eerie appeal, as a longterm alternative to the droning tedium of consciousness and all its bounden obligations of responding to emails, buying milk, washing up – all the things that plug life’s many holes. Most people feel the same: observe our unanimous hatred of the alarm clock. Sleep is the bliss of ignorance, a lonely paradise where you don’t know that you’ve got to go to work, or that you’ve got a doctor’s appointment, or that you’re snoring incredibly loudly. But, alas, the world awaits. Your nasty, malicious little fascist of an alarm begins to bleep, or buzz, or ring, or talk, or shrill, or whatever dreadful noise it makes. It punctures your rest. Fleetingly, the real world mingles with our dreams: external noises take part and become plot lines. But the alarm clock is louder and more

persistent than the dream. Before long, you’re awake. The duties of the day don’t occur to you – they land on you. Most of us are in a bad mood for at least an hour after this. Waking up, at first, is like being kidnapped. It grows easier to cope with as the day marches on. But observe that initial reaction to the morning, to the day, to the world: sleep must be good. The only people who don’t enjoy sleep must be those with conditions. I know a sleepwalker who recently, in his sleep, got out of bed, walked downstairs, washed up and then went back to bed. That’s more than I do when I’m awake. Sleep is quite possibly the best part of life.

“I savour sleep: naps; snoozes; lie-ins. Even the coma has an eerie appeal”

It is with disappointment, therefore, that I regard my current state. It’s 5am. This is now my second consecutive night without sleep. I last woke up 40 hours ago and counting. This bout of deprivation is an attempt to correct my aberrant body clock, on which I seem to have disabled the alarm. Essentially, I’ve become bored of waking up at two in the afternoon. So, I thought, if I deprive myself of sleep for one night, I’ll reset my body clock.

But I left it too late. It reached midnight. If I’d gone to sleep then, I’d have gone full circle to waking up at two again, via the the mildly hallucinogenic torture of the all-nighter. So, having had enough coffee and cigarettes to addict a village, I’m here again, at the dangerous part, when the gravity of sleep could pull me down any time. It is the best method of fixing the body clock. I know someone who has a different way. He’s the hapless type. When his television broke, he (somehow) discovered that it worked upside down, after which he chose to perfect sitting on his head, rather than simply missing Countdown while the rest of his friends worked. That’s his version of resourcefulness. When his body clock goes out of tune (very frequently), he cures it by going to sleep each day an hour earlier than the previous day, until eventually, after two-or-so weeks, he’s ‘cured’, and able to sleep at night. But it doesn’t really work out for him. Each time, he inadvertently causes the problem again using the same system as the solution. I hate to suggest it to anyone, but perhaps he should invest in an alarm clock.

latestcrossword Cryptic 187

solutions on page 30

Quick 187

ACROSS

DOWN

ACROSS

1 Assured of being a trusted friend (9) 8 Infection in pig pen, we hear (4) 9 Five hundred drink to premier band leader (4-5) 11 Bob has no heart to go in the river for a bite (6) 13 Implore head of party to go first (5) 15 Stage show suitable for children? (4) 16 Notoriety of story written about beginning of the century (5) 17 When power is a possibility (5) 18 Rodent leading one to nothing in proportion (5) 19 Stupefy holy man - a French one (4) 20 Add half of it to friend's score (5) 22 Habitation of Shakespeare's man (6) 25 Stan and Viola's irregular army (9) 26 Title of a Frenchman in the North East (4) 27 Fitting out brush with two circles (9)

2 Thus returns a tyrant (4) 3 Kin of French friend swallowed by insect (6) 4 Doctor with a degree in art (5) 5 Point to the great age of gas (4) 6 Churchman with skill and steadiness (9) 7 Elite drink mixed to one's choosing (9) 10 Bearded wheat nearly a shrub (5) 12 Arrest dapper hen in a fluster (9) 13 Top name I'm seeing in performance (9) 14 How to cultivate a figure? (5) 17 Creatures with blemishes (5) 19 Man working on roof after a while must hang from a pole (6) 21 Forger's tool found in Italian villa (5) 23 Goodbye to a pair of part-timers (2-2) 24 One involved in fraud for money (4)

1 Bent missile (9) 8 Meal list (4) 9 Turned aside (9) 11 Of one dimension (6) 13 Frighten (5) 15 Pain (4) 16 Nasal tone (5) 17 Full of suds (5) 18 Free feast (5) 19 Narrow opening (4) 20 Bird (5) 22 Finds out (6) 25 Shorthand practice (9) 26 Footfall (4) 27 Waiting on (9)

DOWN 2 Comply with (4) 3 Spite (6) 4 Happen again (5) 5 Male name (4) 6 Worthy of reverence (9) 7 Substitute (9) 10 Unclean (5) 12 Insipid (9) 13 Cobbler (9) 14 Rub out (5) 17 Endure (5) 19 Abused (6) 21 Cave (5) 23 Fine sediment (4) 24 Favour (4)

006_LS417_Diary/Comps

3/26/09

11:38 AM

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Win day passes and a year’s membership at Fitness First in Brighton To celebrate the reopening of Fitness First next to Brighton Station, Latest 7 have teamed up with the gym to offer free day passes to lucky readers. The newly renovated gym is for men and women with impressive, state of the art facilities. To try these out first

hand for free with a day pass, all you have to do is visit Fitness First (Queens Road), mention Latest 7 and tell them how many gold medals England won in the last Olympics. Your name will then be entered into a free draw to win a year’s membership at the newly opened gym. Good luck! Closing date Monday 13 April.

at the launch of the Brighton Fringe and by the catwalk

Michael “Atters” Attree and Paula Greenwood (Events & Fringe City)

Fringe launch The amazing full programme for Brighton Festival Fringe was announced at the launch party that took place on Brighton Pier. Performing exclusively for the launch was burlesque belle Cherry Shakewell (appearing in The Aviator Club); as well as hula hooper, Merlin from Interstella. The Parlure Spiegeltent & Garden is delighted to announce an exciting return. It will be moving from St Peter‘s down to the Old Steine (yippee), a much more central site that will show off the spectacular venue. The programme will again focus on enthralling cabaret and music shows, with dance, comedy, theatre and a host of children‘s shows. Brimming with musical delights, variety shows, decadent dancing, glamorous bar staff and comedy characters, The Parlure promises a programme of rare charm in this enchanting venue.

Hugh Jones (University of Brighton) and Kate Morrison (Brighton Festival Fringe Press Officer)

Annie and Imogen (Shambush)

Myriam Tisler and Debs Simpson (Forward PR)

Boogaloo Stu

Catwalk school

▲

Columbo S9 DVD The well-loved, mac-wearing TV detective gets a DVD revival this week with Universal Playback. All the classic episodes from series nine are gathered in this special DVD boxset. Re-live the crime capers with Peter Falk’s Columbo, the five times Emmy and Golden Globe winning actor. To be in with a chance of winning this all new boxset tell us: Who played Columbo in the long-running series? See below for entry details.

On Tuesday 10 March, Brighton and Hove High School held a catwalk spectacular to raise money for two charities, Sweet Peas and Comic Relief. Rush Hair Brighton supported the show and Lauryn (a sixth form student) was the main coordinator of the event. The catwalk hosted spring/summer collections from local shops including Coast, Perfection, Walk In Wardrobe, Ocean Brides and Karen Millen with make-up by Zena McCarthy. During the interval Lucy Watt from Rush auctioned a number of items ranging from tooth whitening to hotel stays. At the time of going to print more than £3,000 had been raised for the two charities. Congratulations to all involved.

To win, email competitions|@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Columbo’ in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 13 April

Dresses by Walk In Wardrobe

Suit by Ozone

007_LS417_Dani

3/26/09

3:40 PM

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani his morning I awoke to the sad news that Jade Goody had died in her sleep. I hadn’t realised at first that her picture on the news website I was looking at was there for that reason, as every day I read the news online, and every other article seemed to focus on whether or not the media frenzy surrounding her fight against cancer was right or wrong. I really don’t know what I think. The only thing I can say is if someone I knew was as ill as Jade was, I would have wanted to know how they were doing. Jade, whether you loved her or hated her, became as familiar to all of us as a member of the Royal family. That was what she wanted, to be in the public eye. She made her name recognisable and with her personality and good PR, she made her way into the hearts of the British public. It is the hearts of the British public that wanted to know how she was doing and it was the hearts

Dani says Jade Goody’s death could save lives and is proud to be part of a caring sharing Britain

of the British public that left flowers outside her home in the early hours of the morning. Because after the books, the magazine articles, the chat shows and her own TV show many of us felt we knew her. We wanted to know how she was, because we hoped that every time we asked we would hear good news. The media circle that followed her battle may have invaded her privacy, but it was a very intelligent move as she knew the public would want to know, so Living TV followed her, adding more funds to the kitty for her two children. You may have thought she was stupid, you may have thought nothing of her at all, but you have to give it to the girl, even in her darkest and final moments she thought only of her two children. The publicity surrounding her, not only added to her children’s futures, but has caused ministers to review the age at which women are offered smear

Giving nation Sometimes I love being British and sometimes I hate it, but the majority of the time my feeling is one of pride (apart from when there’s bad stuff on the news). I am proud to be part of a nation that keeps going through wars, recessions, strikes and bad weather. But through all the things that should knock us down most of us have stood strong, opened our doors to others and delved into our pockets for a few pence to help others. There is no better example of this than the amount raised for Comic Relief. Many of us don’t have enough money for our own bills let alone enough to give away. But we did, in our millions. And that is why I am proud to be British.

“GPs are reporting an increase in women asking for a smear test” tests and consider lowering the age to include women aged 20 to 24. This could potentially save numerous lives. Many GPs are reporting an increase in women asking for a smear test since Jade first became ill. Not everyone may think the close proximity of the cameras to Jade at certain points in time was appropriate, but I bet Jade would be pleased to know that those cameras being there could stop someone else suffering in the way she and many other thousands across the country have had to suffer. Her life ended too early, but perhaps the miracle will be seen in the hundreds of women who will survive because Jade gave cervical cancer more exposure than any advertising campaign.

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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08_LS417_cheeky/stars

3/27/09

4:15 PM

Page 2

Bare cheek

In & Out

08 ONLY JOKING!

Historian edition

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

I remember… S

held my hands behind my back while he punched me in the face until I passed out. He was right to do it, too. Of course the park was very different back in those days. Where the kiddies’ playground now stands was once an enormous vomitorium. People would gorge themselves on ice creams from the nearby kiosk – Zaps, Zooms, Count Draculas, Scores, Haunted Houses, Pineapple Mivvis, Lord Toffinghams – and then go and throw up in there. The vomit in there was sometimes two foot thick. I had a job sweeping it up for a while, for which I was paid sixpence every 11 years. I was glad to get it, too. And where that poncey café is was once a beautiful bandstand. A group of singing minstrels used to perform all the popular hits of the day: ‘The Man Who

Astral Angi

Broke The Bank At Monte Carlo’; ‘My Old Man’; ‘Lily of Laguna’; ‘Pump Up The Volume’; ‘(Everything We Do Is) Driven By You’; ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’; and – their signature tune – ‘Male Stripper’ by Man 2 Man Meets Man Parrish. You know that scented garden that never has any blind people in it, but is exclusively populated by tramps, students having picnics and trying to get off with each other, and clubbers coming down from a night out? Well, back in the day, it was actually the scene of Hove’s notorious Hanging Tree, where many infamous criminals of the time met their end. There was Bobby Robinson, ‘The Burgess Hill Poisoner’, Nancy Cartwright of Rottingdean, who diced up her husband and fed him to his pigs, and old Gabby Simnock, whose only crime was to love above his station. Actually, I knew the hangman personally. Percy Blidwell his name was – funny fella. We used to buy all our pirate DVDs

• Overy • Christopher Hill • Hugh Trevor-Roper • David Ogg • GM Trevelyan

Out • Tawney • CV Wedgwood • AJ Pollard • AJP Taylor • Norman Stone

t Ann’s Well Gardens, this jewel in the crown of Brighton and Hove, with its burbling stream, busy playground, poncey café where they serve focaccia and you can’t get a chip butty without someone smearing pesto all over it, and garden for the blind that – as far as anyone knows – has never had any blind people anywhere near it, celebrates its 101st birthday this year. But what was it like back in the mists of time, at the turn of the last century? Chorlton Scaramanga, 116 years old, remembers… “I vividly remember St Ann’s Well Gardens opening to the public in 1908. Prior to that, it had been the property of the Prince of Wales, who had it fenced off and used it to hunt commoners with guns and hand grenades. He was a lovely chap, the prince, who later became Edward VII, of course. I met him once. He knocked my wife down in his Bentley, and when I expressed mild chagrin at his having mounted the pavement, his chauffeur

from him. He used to always do all his hanging naked from the waist down. There was a pillory there too, for the punishing of more minor crimes like stealing sweets; incest; trading as an optician without a license; high treason; genocide… One Sunday old Blidwell played a trick on me and got me to put me head in it on the pretext of taking a humorous photograph that he would send in to ‘Look-in’ magazine. ‘Course, he had no such intention, and I was there all night shivering in the cold, while a line of local dignitaries, to whom Blidwell had sold tickets, queued up to… (Continued on page 98.)

BARDSLEY’S

This week Astral urges you all to be nice

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

Conserve all of your energies and powers this week, and make a concerted effort to be nice. Nice is Astral’s key word for the moment and I expect you all to join in.

Cancerians don’t care if we think they are nice or not. Or at least that is the impression they like to give. Honey, we all love to be loved, so armour down crab face and nice it up.

Librans like, the Albigensians, believe that for every good thing there is a balance of evil. That makes nice a tall order for these pompous self-righteous oafs – Albigensians, that is.

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19). Capricorn likes nothing more than having a good time. Focus those merry-making genes and spread potentionally the word. Now is the time to start rehearsing Christmas carols.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans can be nice by being kind. And if you can’t be kind then Astral says stay home this week and avoid human contact of any sort. Switch off the TV as a punishment.

Leos often use nice, but in inverted commas. Drop that for a start. No more killing with kindness. This week turn over that new leaf and make yourself everyone’s friend – not enemy.

Scorpio’s idea of nice is having fun, fun, fun, but always at someone else’s expense, either financial or emotional. Now how does that make you feel Scorpio? Yes, thought so – be nicer.

Aquarians are relentlessly nice, so much so that it could be seen as passive-aggression. Aquarians perhaps need to toughen up and be less nice – go on, try it!

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis love being nice, or at least that is what they claim. Therefore, for you twinny little beasts, nicer must be your tenet. Say after me: ‘This week I will be nicer’. See, it’s easy…

Virgos should avoid mistakenly thinking that pretty is nice. Pretty can be nice, of course, but there is something not pretty or nice about people of a certain age in frills.

Sagis like nothing more than a nice cup of tea with a Nice biscuit followed by a nice nap. And who are we to disillusion them? After all, once they’re all asleep it’s nice for us too.

Pisceans need little prompting: nice is their middle name. I wish I was a Piscean and nicer but I’m not and, no, Astral never reveals her star sign. Well, maybe for a Bardsley’s fish supper…

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009_LS417_celebcity

3/26/09

7:44 PM

Page 1

AROUND TOWN 09

LATEST NEWS 13

L7NEWS

News

Police protection

Phil Mills reports on The Eddie Kidd Foundation and police protection

Help for hero T ough guy actor Ray Winstone is showing his softer side by helping an old chum from Sussex, stuntbike legend Eddie Kidd, who has brain damage. Winstone, a former boxer who starred in films including Scum and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, is helping launch Kidd’s national charity to provide funds for injured sports people. Kidd’s fiancee, former Page 3 girl Sam Kirli, 40, has also enlisted actors Gary Stretch and Gillian Taylforth Ms Kirli has given up teaching striptease and pole dancing to look after Kidd, 49, who is now confined to a wheelchair following a crash in 1996. Speaking at Kidd’s home in Seaford, Ms Kirli said: “There is no long-term funding for physiotherapy and speech therapy and there are thousands of people who are having their dignity worn away as their conditions deteriorate. “We’ve set up the Eddie Kidd Foundation to provide funding to give back some independence to people who put their lives on the line to entertain us.” Kidd, who doubled for Hollywood stars in films and who beat Evel Knievel’s son Robbie to become World Champion in 1993, is partially paralysed and struggles to speak. He said: "I also want to front up other campaigns including motorbike safety.” Winstone will be auctioning items including one of Kidd’s helmets and Frank Bruno’s boxing gloves at the foundation’s launch at the Embassy Club in London on Friday evening. Kidd and his fiancee plan to marry later this year with a ceremony on Brighton beach.

“Ms Kirli has given up teaching striptease and pole dancing to look after Kidd”

The murders of two soldiers and a police officer by Republican splinter groups in Northern Ireland haven’t escaped the notice of planners working on the Labour Party conference in Brighton later this year. A spokeswoman for Sussex Police said the threat level on mainland Britain had not changed because of the attacks but, that said, they are not ignoring what happened. Labour is holding its conference between Sunday 27 September and Thursday 1 October this year, the 25th anniversary of the IRA’s bombing of the Grand Hotel. Supt Grenville Wilson, in charge of Operation Otter, said: “Following recent terrorist atrocities, hosting the government in Brighton and Hove inevitably involves heightened security measures. “Operation Otter is primarily a counter terrorism operation and once again the planning will be based on the principle of the ‘Island Site’, a specially created secure area which incorporates the Brighton Centre, The De Vere Grand Hotel and the Hilton Metropole Hotel." About 1,000 police and staff will be involved but the force is asking for vigilance from the public and for people to report anything suspicious.

Wow factor Lily Allen showed off more than just her singing talent when she appeared at the Brighton Dome. Web editor Jack Robertson, 22, from Brighton, said: "That clinging bright blue dress certainly added a wow factor to what was a pretty awesome night." Lily is touring to promote her second album It's Not Me, It's You, and next month she will head to the States.

014_LS417_Letters/Sport

3/26/09

6:22 PM

Page 2

14 LETTERS | SPORT

Latest Sport Roundups and rumblings from the Latest Sport bunker

Too little, too late Latest Sport’s Joe Curtin on the PFA’s response to the League’s financial crisis In defence of Polegate

LATEST

I was absolutely disgusted by the way Seann Walsh ran down Polegate in his article (issue 415). The whole thing was about a cup of coffee. Well, you can get a cr*p cup of coffee in The Lanes. How dare he run down the people of Polegate and how it looks? Those people slog their guts out and put everything into their homes. Why didn’t he say how hard people work there? He’s got to remember Polegate is not a town, it’s a thoroughfare where people buy houses to commute. If anyone from Polegate reads this article they will be absolutely fuming, because I was fuming and I live in Patcham. Seann needs to understand he can’t go visiting places and run them down when there are people working hard bringing up their children. Not everyone can afford these £2.50 coffees. Some people want a £1 cup of Nescafé. What will Seann do next week, pick on Hassocks or Burgess Hill? If anyone read this article in Polegate, they would be devastated. Polegate is not a slum. It is making it sound like The Bronx of Brighton. Everyone’s depressed at the moment; everyone’s fighting for their wages, trying to pay the bills; everyone’s trying to hang on to their marriage. This man has made thousands of people feel really bad about themselves. It is going to make people depressed. They’re going to think: what have I achieved? Look at the state of my home. People are suffering enough with this credit crunch. He is lucky to have a job. Mrs Regan, Patcham

LETTERS

Willow Foundation appeal Ten years ago this year, my wife and I set up a charity to help 16- to 40-year-olds living with serious illness after our daughter tragically died of cancer aged just 31. During her illness our daughter Anna stayed positive and happy by keeping busy and having lots of fun days in her diary. The charity was set up to replicate the days we spent with Anna; providing special days for seriously ill 16- to 40-year-olds – a forgotten age group. To date we have provided more than 4,000 days to people living not just with cancer but also cystic fibrosis; muscular dystrophy; organ failure; motor neurone disease; among other conditions. Now, more than ever, we need support. Can your readers help us? Please get in touch with our fundraising team on 01707 259777 or visit www.willowfoundation.org.uk. Bob Wilson OBE

Send your letters or comments to: letters@thelatest.co.uk You can also send to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

cliché is an expression that because of overuse has lost its essential meaning. An idiom is a saying where the meaning is not necessarily clear from its constituent words. I only mention this in response to the delayed reaction of Gordon Taylor, the Professional Footballers Association’s chief executive, to the predicted future of the Football League. The horse has bolted. You can lock the stable door all you want. “We know that clubs are having to match expenditure with income more than before and we have to adopt realism and be sensible,” Taylor says. “But it would be silly for clubs to act in haste by going part-time or slashing their squads, and then repenting at their leisure.” Dark clouds have been gathering for a long time now; many doomsayers have seen their predictions realised. It’s strange that the leader of an organisation that purports to look after the rights of all professional footballers has waited this long to cry out to protect the future safety of its members.

“‘Most seasons end with 300 to 500 players released. This summer could be worse’” Since the creation of the Premiership we have seen increased greed and an increasing gulf between the clubs that survive in Premiership and the ones that can hopefully, with funding and a bit of luck, reach that promised land of milk and honey funded by manna from heaven, and the majority that just want to play football and progress, but now, just survive. This divide has been increasing for years; this crisis predicted likewise. The League has done its best to increase sponsorship. However, times are hard. “Supporters and clubs survive by having a dream factory, by the thought that even if you have the worst of seasons, you can bounce back … and go on to bigger and better things,” says Taylor. “But if you decide to man the lifeboats because it's a bit rough … all you will do is exacerbate the situation.” The seas are stormy and by not acting sooner against Scudamore’s vision the ship is careening dangerously. “We'll be sitting down as a board and trying to guess our income for the next season. We have to set a budget that reflects that likely downturn in budget,” says Steff Wright, chairman of Lincoln. “If I was a player I would take the first contract I was offered.” Years ago, Peter Kenyon said he wanted the number of our professional clubs halved. With him and Scudamore powerful, regardless of, but now empowered by, the recession, this disgraceful vision is coming to fruition. Now the PFA’s Taylor bleats. “Most seasons end with 300 to 500 players released,” he says. “This summer could be worse.” So that’s what ‘A stitch in time saves nine’ means.

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 15

Food & drink Andrew Kay enjoys the ruby-red delights of dining at Pomegranate

Grena-dining G

ive a child a pin and a pomegranate and you will have hours of peace. At least that was how my mum would keep us quiet in those months around Christmas when this loveliest of fruits became available. These days I have discovered faster ways of dislodging the sticky sweet seeds from the bitter pith but none as fast as popping into Pomegranate in Kemp Town and letting them do it. A few doors along from Latest’s very own MusicBar, Pomegranate is a smart Greek restaurant with a difference. The pretty glazed black geometric brick bow windows are stylish enough but the menu takes the idea of Greek food to a new level. I have a passion for simple Greek dishes, despite having never been there. Show me to a mezze and I am a happy man. Pomegranate does many traditional things but in a new way. Okay, I know that last week I was praising tradition and class above innovation and invention, and I stand by that. But Greek food was in need of a makeover to rid itself of that hummus and kebab label. I was joined for a pretheatre dinner by the lovely Ms P (we never saw the show). I like eating with her because, for a slip of a thing, she has a mighty appetite. In premarathon mode she was off the booze so I just had a glass of white with my starter and a red with my main course. The menu is concise, not short, but not too long, pomegranate figures often, but in many different ways. Ms P started with smoked salmon rolled around goat’s cheese, an interesting combo that she loved, and so pretty on the plate, not fiddled with, but created with a sort of artistic abandon, like scattered woodland flowers. I was led to the spicy prawns by the lady in charge. When in doubt I do this and it paid off well this time, a large plate of prawns in a spice mix that was deliciously fragrant and hot at the same time. Again, prettily arranged, as was a side dish of tabulli with apricots and walnuts. Ms P moved on to a fillet of fish in a delicious sauce, which came with all manner of delicious side dishes arranged prettily around the plate and the whole dotted with the jewel-like pomegranate seeds. I allowed the lovely lady to choose, and this time she brought me the lamb kebab. Now I have eaten far too many bad kebabs, chewy

meat sacrificed on the charcoal and served with dull rice and salty salad. This could not have been further away. Serving it on a huge circle of delicious toasted flat bread was inspired. I love that bread so much that I would happily order it alone. Here though it was topped with great salad, chunks of immaculate lean lamb that melted in the mouth, great rice, a sauce of yogurt and butter that was angelic and a devilish red hot chill paste, clearly made in the kitchen. It was massive too, big boy food but also in touch with its feminine side, and by that I mean it looked pretty, again, not played with, just natural. Stuffed to the gills I was unsure of dessert but when Ms P ordered a cake with a name we didn’t know I felt obliged to join in. Her Revani was moist and sweet, my stuffed figs were sublime, honey, walnuts and pomegranate paste. This is simply delicious Middle Eastern cooking, simple ideas made grand – and I will be back. 10 Manchester Street, Brighton, BN2 1TF. Call 01273 628 386 www.eatpomegranates.com

“So pretty on the plate, a sort of artistic abandon, like scattered woodland flowers”

Two beautiful 16th century country pubs set in the prettiest of Sussex villages. • Both serving modern British food, sourced from nearby farms and estates and produced with passion • Open all day every day for lunch and supper • Four cask ales on tap • 18 wines by the glass • Menus that change every day • Stunning gardens • Overlooking The Downs • Only 10 minutes from Brighton

“A true locals pub, but the secret’s out” The New Inn High Street, Hurstpierpoint, West Sussex, BN6 9RQ T. 01273 834608 E. info@thenewinnhurst.com The Bull High Street, Ditchling, East Sussex, BN6 8TA T.01273 843147 E.info@thebullditchling.com

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HOTLIST 17

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European

Seattle Restaurant

New Steine Bistro

Fat Leo

This breathtaking restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has great views and the best seasonal, local produce and locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious modern British, by top chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. It’s near Seattle Hotel – or spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton. Call 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu of twocourses £10.50, three-courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two-courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16-17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Preston Park Tavern

Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256.

A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this familyfriendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF. 01273 542271 www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant

Birdcage Walk The place to relax, eat good, fresh food and enjoy a drink: latte, glass of wine or a beer. A grown-up bistro with a laid back atmosphere, where you can enjoy a night out without having to shout above music and a place to nurse your hangover with a big breakfast or Sunday lunch. Head chef Toby Humphreys (ex Gingerman) has designed a modern European menu – with a menu change every six weeks enabling an up-to-date selection of seasonal dishes. 300 Ditchling Rd, Fiveways, Brighton, BN1 6JG, 01273 561757

A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Chinese

Chimney House

Gars Restaurant

Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton, BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room and enjoy the glamour of it all. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of home-cooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and Sunday roasts. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, soak up the sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000, www.coachhousebrighton.com

French Cocoa French patisserie on Queen’s Road. Everything is prepared each morning on the premises by their French gourmet pastry chef. Front of house serves coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst others. Seating by a mural of the roofs of Paris is relaxing and bohemian. A recent French visitor said: ”The best croissant in Brighton, better than any I found in Paris!” 48 Queen’s Road, Brighton, 01273 777412

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–5pm at £11.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. Enjoy – :“Sanuk” 165-169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle Indian bistro serving stunning food. Relaxed with an informal feel, the emphasis is authentic Indian and Nepalese dishes using local and organic produce. Daytime menu offers Indian street food, Thalis and Masala Dosa, a selection of beautiful loose teas and cakes and sweetmeats. For dinner feast on a Spiced Tandoor Baked Shoulder of Lamb, Moilly Seafood Pot or Duck Egg Masala. 42 Meeting House Lane, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi or just relax. In Kemp Town Village, just off St George’s Road and College Road. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior and works of local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free WIFI. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4-5 York Place, 01273 248890

Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Bars Koba Bar and Club Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5-7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton. 01273 720059

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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3/27/09

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18 HEALTH & BEAUTY

Big hair FREE PILATES CLASS (Book a 6-week course and pay for only 5 weeks, quote ref 'the latest’)

• Choose from over 20 small group, progressive courses • Introductory, level 1, level 2 & level 3 classes • Expert instruction with high levels of teacher interaction

“My back is the best it has been for 16 years... I wish I’d started pilates years ago.” Stuart McGowan, Civil Engineer “Pilates has helped shed my baby weight, made be stronger, improved my posture & is also relaxing. I wouldn't do it anywhere else.” Hannah Barrett, Hove All pilates courses start this week & places are limited so BOOK TODAY! For more information and to book your place call Revitalise on 01273 738389, log on to www.revitalise-u.com or email health@revitalise.co.uk 86 Church Road, Hove, opposite Hove Town Hall

Zara Baker finds catwalk inspired up-dos and big styles at Forde Hair ith Patsy Palmer as a regular client, hairdresser Gary Forde experiments with glamorous hairstyles on the actress for special events outside of her EastEnders’ persona. Forde Hair is intimate and cozy, reflecting the Kemp Town community – many people walking past acknowledge Gary in the time I am there – while offering a personal approach to customers in a laid-back setting. Gary sees hairdressing as a natural progression in his life, having been in the business for 21 years, and been a manager at Toni & Guy and Lee Stafford salons. Where did it all stem from? For Gary, it was accompanying his grandmother to the hairdressers as a child and being fascinated by her beehive style, a ‘red haired Bette Lynch’ is how he describes her. As styles come and go, big hair and elegant up-dos are making a comeback, a fashion that Gary embraces with the love of styling up-dos and creating statement styles. He has created styles for fashion shows and loves the chance to create individual up-dos for weddings. That’s not to say the Forde Hair team will simply recreate the styles of the season. A thorough consultation about the client’s wants and needs take place before any hair is touched. It’s time to get realistic: Will your face shape suit the latest pixie cut? Is your lifestyle too busy to recreate the perfectly shaped bob, blow-dried and straightened every day? You get the picture. The team will create the perfect cut and style that suit your looks and lifestyle and not just what the latest A-list celebrity is wearing. Individuality is the approach at Forde Hair, reflected in the décor of the intimate salon. Graffiti-style art and images of the Queen’s Jubilee combine for a quirkiness that is truly Brightonian. The salon has expanded to include an eye bar upstairs, managed by Sarah, where threading tidies up and reshapes the brows, with lasting results. For the perfect spray tan, popular tanning franchise Urban Organics is available at Forde Hair. Using organic ingredients and applied evenly for a natural, streak-free finish, this is the safest way to add a sun-kissed glow to your skin. With the growth in the team, incorporating experienced stylists and make-up artists, Gary is keen for Forde Hair to be seen as the salon brand and not just his namesake. For a new haircut, including real human hair extensions to add length or thickness; perfect brows or a tan for a special occasion, see how the Forde Hair team can make you catwalk ready.

Forde hair, 88 St James’s Street, Brighton, 01273 609837. i-bar: Contact Sarah 07771 502 340.

Win! The ultimate Forde Hair makeover Latest 7 have teamed up with Forde Hair to offer a lucky reader a cut and blowdry, hair colour, hair extensions, eyebrow shape, Urban Organic spray tan and make-up professionally applied by the Forde Hair team! To enter, tell us: Whose style did Gary Forde liken his grandmother’s hairstyle to? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Forde Hair’ in the subject box. Alternatively write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details. Closing date for entries Monday 13 April.

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LATEST LISTINGS 19

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 31 MARCH – 6 APRIL Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk God of Carnage Two couples are brought together to discuss a brawl between their 11-year-old boys that has left one with two missing front teeth. Their civil meeting turns sour as they clash over issues of morality and become childish hooligans themselves. Yasmina Reza’s masterful play turns a domestic setting into a tense arena, giving performers the freedom to scream, bicker, spew and throw objects. Richard E Grant must be given credit as the supercilious father who takes delight in the rivalry of others. The set design is simple yet unsettling and Matthew Warchus’s direction is abrupt and uninhibited.

under the chairs with ‘Too Far?’ and ‘Care to Complain’ written on them, and a programme quoting Bill Hicks gave some clue as to what was to come. Necrophilia, sex-addiction, Hitler, porn and begging were all poked fun at in a series of silly to satirical sketches, well-acted by a passionate SUDS cast of four (less shouting would have been good but hey). Random, raucous and a tad wrong, Porn For The Blind was memorable with a capital ‘M’. Oh, and as for what was inside those envelopes? A note with ‘Get Stuffed.’ Black comedy at its darkest – delicious.

what it is as that may either spoil the joke or offend, but it’s this kind of risqué pun-bymusic-title that is the trend of the night. One rather good trick, but one trick regardless, there is one point where there is a hint of a plot, but then it is decided to abandon this route on a whim, leaving this 10 minutes short, opening the floor to a Q-and-A session. Selfknowing, as he refers to “the Ivan Brackenbury

20 Film Ralph Brown on being a pirate radio DJ in The Boat That Rocked

22 Comedy

Marlborough Theatre, 20 March

★★★★✩

The guys behind Katy and Rach Make Stuff Up talk improv

Monica Perdoni

Theatre Royal Brighton, 16 March

★★★★★ Simon Robb Porn for the Blind An endorsement by the director’s mum, envelopes

Ivan Brackenbury Mock-hospital radio DJ character Ivan Brackenbury gives a big shout out to the self-harm unit with a Rod Stewart classic. We won’t say

22 Art man who thought of me” having differing tastes to his own, this is solid entertainment, if a little haphazard. Komedia Studio Bar, 22 March

★★★✩✩ Victoria Nangle

Hot review of the week Kovak Brighton stalwarts Kovak finally released their debut album tonight and proceeded to turn the event into a celebration of their accessible, hooky and high-energy disco rock. Taking their cue from the likes of new wave acts such as Blondie, Duran Duran and the B-52s, Kovak are a streamlined juggernaut of big guitars, synth hooks, pounding beats and, of course, some great songs. While not particularly challenging lyrically (“My boyfriend’s a rock star“; “This girl needs your body“; “I love the shark suits, I love the hairdos“) it’s the way they want it, the dumb fun-ness of it all, moreover played superbly and produced with care. Some of those tunes just will not leave my brain. “I love the dance floor/I love the people there…”

Double Vision Local dance/physical theatre diva Liz Aggiss is here teamed with director Charlotte Vincent in what was an intentionally uncomfortable discourse on the way that they each work. Vincent’s cerebral thread conflicting with the raw energy of Aggiss was provocative enough but in the end the joy of seeing Aggiss, totally comfortable with her being, performing a series of extraordinary pieces was the highlight of the evening, while the feminist cant seemed dated. In the second half, a scripted chat, entertaining enough, perhaps dissembled the impact of the actual performance. All that said, Aggiss is always worth the price of a ticket.

Latest MusicBar, 19 March

Sallis Benney Theatre Brighton, 18 March

★★★★✩

★★★✩✩ Julie Andrews

Kate Walsh p24

Alex Binnie’s 23 Sleeves

23 Events & kids MG Car Rally at Arundel Castle and win Let’s Go with the Children

23 Books City Reads 2009

24 Music Events at Fairtrade; news; previews; gigs

27 Clubs Nights to get your freak and, indeed, groove on

28 Stage Powerful drama with The First Domino

29 Gay Days and nights out

30 Television Dani on the box; TV film highlights

Andrew Kay

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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20 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 31 THE BAADER-MEINHOF COMPLEX (18) 9.00 THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 12.45, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 DUPLICITY (12A) 12.15, 5.00, 7.45 THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (15) 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 KNOWING (15) 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (15) 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.15 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 2.15, 3.30, 5.15, 8.15, 9.00 PAUL BLART: MALL COP (PG) 1.00, 3.00 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00, 6.15 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 4.00, 7.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15

Wednesday 1 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 12.00, 1.30, 3.00, 5.00, 6.0., 8.00, 9.00 THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 12.45, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 DUPLICITY (12A) 5.00 THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (15) 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 KNOWING (15) 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (15) 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.15

MARLEY AND ME (PG) 2.15, 5.15, 8.15 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 7.45 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15

Films showing Friday 3–Monday 6 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Tuesday 31

Friday 3

IL DIVO (15) 1.30, 6.30 IN THE CITY OF SYLVIA (PG) 4.00, 9.00 THE READER (15) 11.00

FRANKLYN (15) 11.00pm THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Wednesday 1 THE READER (15) 11am IL DIVO (15) TBC IN THE CITY OF SYLVIA (PG) 4.00, 9.00

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 (U) 11.00am RENE (DOUBLE BILL) (90M)/WITH KISSES FROM YOUR LOVE & SEE YOU IN (18) 1.30 THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 6.30, 9.00

Thursday 2

Sunday 5

IL DIVO (15) TBC IN THE CITY OF SYLVIA (PG) 4.00, 9.00 IN THE NIGHT GARDEN: MR PONTIPINE’S MOUSTACHE FLIES AWAY (U) 11.00am IN THE NIGHT GARDEN: WHAT LOUD MUSIC TOMBLIBOOS (U) 11.55am

THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 1.30, 4.00

Saturday 4

Monday 6 THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000

HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (15) 1.50, 4.20, 7.00, 9.30

KNOWING (15) 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 9.00 LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (15) 11.50, 4.50, 9.40 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.10, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 PAUL BLART: MALL COP (PG) 1.30, 3.50, 6.20, 8.40 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 3.10, 6.25, 9.10 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 2.30, 7.10

Wednesday 1 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 12.15, 2.15, 3.15, 5.15, 6.15, 8.20, 9.20 DUPLICITY (12A) 12.05, 3.00, 5.50, 8.50 GRAN TORINO (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20 HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (15) 1.50, 4.20, 7.00, 9.30

MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.10, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 PAUL BLART: MALL COP (PG) 1.30, 3.50, 6.20, 8.40 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 2.30, 7.10

Thursday 2 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 12.15, 2.15, 3.15, 5.15, 6.15, 8.20, 9.20 DUPLICITY (12A) 12.05, 3.00, 5.50, 8.50 GRAN TORINO (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20 HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (15) 1.50, 4.20, 7.00, 9.30

KNOWING (15) 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 9.00 LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (15) 11.50, 4.50, 9.40 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 12.10, 2.50, 5.40, 8.30 PAUL BLART: MALL COP (PG) 1.30, 3.50, 6.20, 8.40 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 2.30, 7.10

Films showing Friday 3–Monday 6 MONSTERS VS ALIENS CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

KNOWING (15) 12.30, 3.20, 6.10, 9.00 LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (15) 11.50, 4.50, 9.40

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 31–Thurs 2 DUPLICITY (12A) 8.00, (Wed) 2.30

Saturday 4 BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (U) 10.15am CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Duplicity

THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 12.00, 1.30, 3.00, 5.00, 6.0., 8.00, 9.00 THE DAMNED UNITED (15) 12.45, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 DEFIANCE (15) 10.30 DUPLICITY (12A) 5.00 THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT (15) 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 KNOWING (15) 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 LESBIAN VAMPIRE KILLERS (15) 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.15 MARLEY AND ME (PG) 2.15, 5.15, 8.15 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 12.00 WATCHMEN (18) 12.30, 7.45 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 12.15

01273 626261

BOLT 3D (PG) 4.00 DUPLICITY (12A) 12.05, 3.00, 5.50, 8.50 GRAN TORINO (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.30, 9.20

What’s on this week

Thursday 2

www.picturehouses.co.uk

Tuesday 31

L7 lowdown

The Damned United (15) Dir: Tom Hooper Biopic of Brian Clough starring the de rigeur biopic actor of the moment Michael Sheen as the footballing man himself. Concentrating on the 44 days when Cloughy was managing Leeds United in a particular period of turbulence, it depicts how despite being despised by the players, the fans and the management, he still thought he was great. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Boat That Rocked (15) Dir: Richard Curtis The latest from the barn of comedy known as Richard Curtis’s mind. Set in the Sixties this is the tale of the trials and tribulations of one pirate radio station on a boat that fought ‘the man’. With a motley crew led by The Count (Philip Seymour Hoffman) this is another delightful ensemble comedy. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Knowing (15) Dir: Alex Proyas Nick Cage looks perplexed in this mystery as his son’s school time capsule unearths a list 50 years old containing the total number dead from each major loss of life since the capsule was buried. Spooky. Even more spooky is that there are still a couple more numbers on the list yet to come true. Yowps! Best get that thinking cap and those stopping world apocalypse boots on. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Haunting In Connecticut (15) Dir: Peter Cornwell A haunting based ‘on a true story’ tells of a family moving into an old Victorian house to be near their son’s cancer treatment centre. Little do they know their lovely home used to be a mortuary with a dark past, which they soon can’t excuse as simply their own imaginations. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon

Duplicity (12A) Dir: Tony Gilroy Julia Roberts and Clive Owen are two sharp-talking former government spooks undertaking an uneasy truce to secure a golden goose of a formula for their companies. Except everyone’s out to get them. And they start to fall for one another, and not in a trusting way. High jinks thriller. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon In the City of Sylvia (PG) Dir: José Luis Guerín A young man wanders around Strasbourg sketching outside cafes and looking for the girl he loved and lost. This will either test your patience and have you thinking ‘over indulgent navel-gazing rubbish’. Or you will delight in the beauty of the stillness of the cinematography. Will he get her back? Will you care? Showing at Duke Of York’s Il Divo (15) Dir: Paolo Sorrentino A pretty exhaustive history of Italian politics since 1946. Goodbye El Duco, hello Giulio Andreotti – Italy’s prime minister seven times since he first kicked off when the war in Europe ended. Nominated for the Palme D’Or, this biopic has received much praise from its European audience. Showing at Duke Of York’s Franklyn (15) Dir: Gerald McMorrow Dually set in an alternative 1985 and our contemporary London, this sees a land where Church and State are no longer separate and indulges every paranoid fantasy in science fiction. Starring Ryan Phillippe with a sack over his head – great use of a star there – as a vigilante, Eva Green as a suicidal artist, Bernard Hill as a desperate father searching for his son amongst the homeless and Sam Riley searching for his first love. Showing at Duke Of York’s

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FILM 21 called The Perfume Garden on Radio London, which was a pirate radio ship back in 1966. Did taking that role come with an extra responsibility? Indeed. He is an institution and he’s got a lot of fans and a lot of respect. I never met him but I used to listen to him all my life.

Ralph Brown talks to Rachel Pegg about The Boat That Rocked and life as a pirate music man here’s a huge buzz around this film, do you think this will become one of those seminal British movies? Yes I do, because it will be the first draft of history for anyone who wants to talk about pirate radio in the UK. In future years people are going to say, what about pirate radio stations? The Boat That Rocked will be the first thing that they relate to. I think it was a brilliant idea and, in that sense, it’s cornered that market. Also, it’s also a very simple film about the joy of music, and it’s a feelgood moment. We could all do with one of those, I think.

Did you ever listen to these radio stations as a child? Yeah, we had Caroline on and Radio London. I remember both those stations being played in my house. My mum was a big pop fan and you couldn’t get pop on the BBC in those days. Pirate radio stations were the only place you could get it, up until 1967 when Radio 1 started. Did they shape your love of music? Very much, and doing this part

“He’s based very firmly on John Peel, who did a show called The Perfume Garden” was like reconnecting with my past again. I can definitely remember listening to The Kinks and The Beach Boys and The Beatles on pirate radio, and making a film about the people who were doing that and the disc jockeys, I feel very lucky. What’s your character like? He’s called Bob Silver, he has a show called the Dawn Treader. He’s on at 3 o’clock in the morning till six, late night or early morning depending which way you look at it, and he played some of the more far-out music from that period, like Jimi Hendrix, Pink Floyd, Grateful Dead, Love, Donovan. He is bit more of a hippy, or probably a beatnik descended into a hippy. He’s really into the music, really

into the vinyl, not really into hanging out with the rest of the guys that much. Would never, ever talk over a record, and would quite often be found reading poems out or bits of Winnie the Pooh instead of playing a record, and as such he’s based very firmly on John Peel, who did a show

Win cinema tickets to a film of your choice at the Odeon Brighton For a chance to win this week’s tickets, answer this question: Where was The Boat That Rocked anchored? a) The English Channel. b) The North Sea. c) The Irish Sea. Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘The Boat that Rocked’ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page three. Closing date for entries is Monday 13 April. The winner will get a pair of tickets to see a film of their choice. Proof of age may be required.

Pictures: Alex Bailey

Rock the boat

What can people expect from the film? It’s an ensemble piece, there isn’t one particular lead character. I think Richard likes that feeling you get from films like MASH or Nashville. He’s a big fan of Robert Altman and those films that have an atmosphere and a texture to them; you're not actually following one person’s story. There is a story that you follow, and that’s the young lad who’s onboard, Tom Sturridge, but it's interspersed with all these other happenings that are going on. Will this open doors for you? I would have thought so – it’s a big project and I’ve got a good part, on the surface doing what I’ve done before: playing a slightly groovy, rock ‘n’ roll bloke, but the substance of what I’m doing is not really what I’ve been allowed to do before, which is an emotional story and quite a vulnerable, sweet character. It’s not a great time for the film industry at the moment – it’s not a great time for the whole economy – but these things don’t last forever and sooner or later somebody will pick up the phone and say. ‘Ralph, come and do something over here’. All the big directors

are going to be on the phone to me over the next few weeks and I’ll ask them to form an orderly queue. The best script wins. The Boat That Rocked is out Wednesday 1 April. Ralph’s band The Brighton Beach Boys will play Pet Sounds vs Sgt Pepper with the Psychedelic Orchestra at St George‘s Church, Kemp Town on 22 and 23 May as part of Brighton Festival Fringe. Visit brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk.

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22 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle talks to the guys taking improvisation in a different direction

aty Schutte, Rachel Blackman and Alexis Gallagher are doing something new with improvisation. It’s an hour-long show with two improvisers and one director – and a huge dollop of talent as the fairy dust to make it all work. All three have worked with the award-winning Mayday improvisation group, studied improv abroad, and have impressive CVs. Now they’re working on the only female double-hander long-form improv show in the UK. How do you direct improvisation, I ask them? “I guess it works in the sense that I’m an outside eye,” Alexis explains. “I can watch what’s going on in rehearsal and notice patterns that are hard to see when you’re inside of it. Thinking about what sort of exercises and focuses will improve the bits that are improvable, and make even more spectacular the bits that are already spectacular.” He smiles. And is it funny? Katy’s sure: “I think the show’s funny.” And it has been received as such. This isn’t the first time the trio have done this. But it’s a different kind of funny. “It’s funny in that it’s more about the characters that come out of the improv and how they talk to each other. Rather than it being about jokes or something very immediate and silly or visual, really.” Katy turns to her co-star Rach for agreement. “Yeah, we really struggled to know which category to put it in actually,” Rachel explains. “It’s got the spontaneity and comedy of improvised comedy, but it’s also got the depth of character and nuance of emotion that theatre has. Those two things: all three of us are really passionate about trying to get into one spot in the one time.” So is it more humour than comedy? Alexis tackles this. “Yes, I guess you could say that. It’s tricky when you think about it. In most films, if you look – even those billed as drama – there are lots and lots of comic moments in things that are presented as dramatic. So, in a way, comedy is everywhere.“ And so it is. Especially when those mining it have the wherewithal of this lot. Katy and Rach Make Stuff Up is on Tuesday 7 April, 8pm, £7/5 at Upstairs at The Three And Ten, and as a part of the Fringe Festival on 5, 12, 16 and 17 May.

Pure silk Artist and tattooist Alex Binnie exhibits his collection of delicate silk screens Alex Binnie started his tattoo shop, Into You, in Clerkenwell in 1993 and is still setting the pace for high-end custom tattoo work. But, when he moved to the coast, Alex went back to his art school silk-screening roots, and these extraordinary originals, in his 23 Sleeves exhibition, are the result. Alex described as “terrifyingly beautiful” the delicate silk screens that are drawn from influences that range from the Japanese wood block print, the body and the artist’s brief stint as a medical illustrator. Alex Binnie, 23 Sleeves, 2–9 April, Fairtrade Gallery, 26 Montague Place, Brighton

Art listings Bellis Gallery 8–9 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 747429 Patrick O’Donnell New work from this gifted local artist whose work embraces the figurative, and sometimes the apocalyptic. Intense, yet radiant. •Mon, Wed–Sat 10.30am–6.30pm, Sun 11.30am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery

Comedy listings Thursday 2

Friday 3

Sunday 5

An Evening with Gervase Phinn One of Britain’s most popular writers and performers shares tales of his life as a schools inspector. The Hawth, 8pm, £15.50 Tag Comedy Featuring four top UK comedians – with no running order, no set lists, and no idea what’s next. Featuring Ben Norris, Simon Evans and more! Komedia, 8pm, £8.50/6.50

Ed Byrne – Different Class Steadily turning into a grumpy middle-aged man, Ed touches on all things that exasperate him. The Hawth, 8pm, £15 Krater Comedy Club Featuring Pierre Hollins, Simon Evans and more! MCs are Stephen Grant and Maff Brown. Also running Saturday and Sunday. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10

Bent Double An irreverent night of gay-friendly fun and frolics hosted by if.comedy Best Newcomer 2007 award nominee Zoe Lyons. Featuring Craig Hill and more! Komedia, 7:30pm, £8 The Hanover Comedy Club Free comedy including Boja Ajani, Robin Buckland, Claire Parker, and compere Richard Sawyer. Hanover Pub, 8pm, free

Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life – the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived. •Until 26 April Paintings Unwrapped This exhibition takes 60 paintings and helps you look at them with a fresh eye. Many of them will be on display for the first time in many years and include

modern, local, international and historical works. •Until 13 April

Fairtrade Gallery 26 Montague Place, Brighton 07790 511576 Alex Binnie: 23 Sleeves New illustrations and prints from the brilliant tattooist. •From 2–9 April

Ink_d Gallery North Road, Brighton 01273 645299 Stanley Donwood Printed Papers shows a selection of Donwood’s limited edition prints from his artwork that includes work for Radiohead, plus prints from his recent ‘London Views’ series. •Until 10 April, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Pelham House St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes 01273 488600 Artizan Editions Exhibition of printmakers from Artizan

Editions, plus Hungarian printmaker Nagy Sandor Zoltan, exhibiting for the first time in the UK. •Until 29 April

Permanent Gallery Bedford Place, Brighton 01273 710389 Hidden Persuaders Anthem. Exhibition of new paintings, prints and constructions by Louise Bristow. •Until 26 April, Thurs, Fri and Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

Ropetackle Centre Little High Street, Shoreham-by-Sea 01273 464440 Peru: Life On The Outskirts Photographic work by Radek Hlavacek, detailing lives and social deprivation •Until 15 April, Thurs and Fri 10am-4pm, Sat 10am-1pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 23

Write club

Events highlights

John O’Donoghue is impressed by the choice of book for Brighton’s City Reads 2009

Win! Travels at home Released in time for the upcoming Easter holidays, Let’s Go with the Children is a guide to the very best attractions around the UK. With the credit-crunch affecting us all, the Let’s Go... books come at a time when more Brits are planning to holiday in England. The guides are packed with local information and have events for every budget and every weather condition, with £100 of money-saving offers to different attractions too. Latest 7 have teamed up with Let’s Go with the Children to offer five copies to lucky readers! Want a sneak preview of what to expect? Featured locally are Hove Lagoon – a popular area for watersports with a children’s playground, paddling pool and boating lake too. Head inland to Ashdown Forest, the home of Winnie the Pooh. Before they made it big in Disney, A.A Mile lived in Sussex and penned the popular stories of the honeyloving bear. Visit the shop – originally A.A Milne’s home and take a picnic on one of the many free walks. Make sure you find Pooh Bridge in the forest, the inspiration for the popular stories and play a round of Pooh Sticks with friends and family.

For all this and more, enter for a chance to win one of these new guides, available from all leading supermarkets and bookshops. To win, tell us: What is the fictional name for the wood in A.A Milne’s Winnie the Pooh based on Ashdown Forest in Sussex? a. 100 Acre Wood b. 100 Hectare Wood c. 1000 Acre Wood Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Let’s Go’ in the subject box. Don’t forget to leave your name and contact details. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Tuesday 7 April.

Car rally Arundel Castle is open for a new season and there’s a special MG Car Rally in the grounds this Sunday 5 April. Classic MGs descend on Arundel; come and admire the vehicles and chat to the owners. A must-visit event for all car lovers. The MG Car Rally takes place on Sunday 4 April in the grounds of Arundel Castle, West Sussex. Call 01903 882173 for further information and prices.

Events listings Wednesday 1

Sunday 5

Easter Bunny Trail A ‘Word Maze’ Easter trail for seven to 12-year-olds and a Picture Maze trail for three to six-yearolds – setting the challenge to all youngsters to find eight hidden Easter bunnies in the garden. With a chocolate egg at the end! Until 30 April. Borde Hill Garden, Balcombe Road, Haywards Heath. Call 01444 450326, £7.50/4

Fluffy Bunnies Drusillas' resident rabbit population multiplies today, taking over the park. Drusillas Park, 01323 874100. Contact venue for opening times/prices. Indoor Market 70 varied stalls to browse or buy from! For bookings call Rosie or Stephanie on 01903 231799 Pavilion Theatre (Worthing), 10:30am–4:30pm.

ity Reads is an annual event that brings authors, readers, and audiences together. It takes place largely during the Brighton Festival, and is almost like a festival itself. Val McDermid’s A Place Of Execution was the City Read last year, and a series of lively debates, discussions and readings brought author, readers, and audiences together. This year’s City Read is The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. The book is set in the Second World War, and tells the story of Liesel, a nine-year-old girl, who lives with her foster family the Hubermanns on Himmel Street, in a small town near Munich. Her parents have been sent to a concentration camp and Liesel and her foster family face life under the Nazis. One way Liesel copes is through stealing books. Books have a curious history in Nazi Germany. Mein Kampf is perhaps the most notorious book ever published. And famously of course, the Nazis burnt books. Much of the German war effort also was run ‘by the book’, from the meticulous records kept by the SS, to the codebooks used to set the almost impenetrable Enigma machines. So a book thief, a resourceful, illiterate, frightened girl is a very potent character to have at the centre of a tale set in the Second World War. The novel has won a number of prestigious prizes and is set to be made into a film. Events are also scheduled this year as the city reads The Book Thief. Jubilee Library will be screening films such as The Diary of Anne Frank and The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas, from Saturday 4 April onwards. Other libraries in Brighton and Hove will be having coffee mornings to discuss the book; local historian Jackie March-Hobbs will be leading walks through local wartime settings and Markus Zusak himself will be in town conducting talks, workshops, and readings. All listings and details are on the City Reads website. You won’t have to steal a copy to take part. But get down to your library or bookshop now before stocks run out. The Book Thief is not to be missed. www.cityreads.co.uk

“Books have a curious history in Nazi Germany”

Book listings MG Rally 150 classic MG cars take to the lawns of the castle. Come and admire the vehicles, chat to the owners and enjoy the tranquil village. Arundel Castle, Arundel, 01903 882173. Contact venue for times/£

Saturday 4 City Readings – Library Coffee Morning Free library reading/discussion on The Book Thief. Rottingdean Library, 11:30am, free. City Reads Film Screening Free City Reads film screening of The Diary of Anne Frank. Jubilee Library, 1pm, free.

Coming up Saturday 18 April Pace and Weight Mavis Cheek looks at techniques for variation in pace when writing. Where to increase, where to slow and the use of weighting. Jubilee Library, 10:30am–4:30pm, £50 non-members/35 members. www.newwritingsouth.com or call 01273 735353 for more information.

Saturday 23 May Prose and Language With Susannah Waters. Look at examples of chosen authors and see how they construct sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate the techniques into your own writing. Jubilee Library, 10am–4pm, £50 non-members/35 members. www.newwritingsouth.com or call 01273 735353 for more information.

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24 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

Fair Trade Fest The Fairtrade Gallery is host to a series of gigs and exhibitions this April

news ▲

Wednesday 13 Global Music and Rock Sound magazine have teamed up to bring fans of Wednesday 13 the chance to meet the prince of punkhorror himself, and win a load of W13 goodies to boot. They are offering the chance for you and a friend to go backstage at the Brighton gig and meet Mr 13 (aka Joseph Poole). There’ll also be a signed copy of Skeletons, plus a copy of the bands latest DVD F**k It, We’ll Do It Live and the new ‘Bloodwork’ EP. All you have to do is visit www.rocksound.tv for more details. Wednesday 1 April, Concorde 2

▲

Latest Loop Brighton plays host to the third annual Loop Festival, from Friday 10 to Sunday 12 July, with another inspired mix of live acts, visual artists and special Matthew Herbert guests. Acts announced include: Squarepusher, the Matthew Herbert Big Band, The Field, Tunng, Esser, Emiliana Torrini and The XX, with many more yet to be announced. Visit loopbrighton.com.

here’s a brand new independent arts festival kicking off this month at the tiny Fairtrade Gallery up in Kemp Town. Organised by Tim Harbridge with a few musical and artistic friends, it’s an exciting mix of art and music, featuring some of the best creative talents in the Brighton area. Clearlake’s Jason Pegg will be performing with Robert Stillman’s Horses on Thursday 2 April, a chance to see one of the finest songwriters this town has had to offer the past decade in the very intimate space that the Gallery offers. Producer Tim Bidwell is then hosting a number of local singersongwriters on Saturday 4 April headlined by Kate Walsh, who achieved a great deal of success with her album Tim’s House, recorded on a minuscule budget in Tim Bidwell’s house (of course) and which caught the imagination of the record-buying

the

Big

The Levellers Home-town acoustic gig for these boys who last year celebrated 20 years in the business Monday 11 May, Parlure Spiegeltent.

gig

public. She’ll be joined by Charlot Webster, Conrad Vingoe, Danii Nicholls and Ben Griffith. Then, on Saturday 11 April, Lewes-based Ed Harcourt will be performing with support from the luscious harmonies of The Robot Heart. Sharon Lewis, Barnaby O’Rourke, The Great Indoors and Crack A Jack Crow take over the gallery for an evening of gentle songs the Kate Walsh following night, while on Saturday 18 April Ghosttown present Tenebrous Liar and Black Carrot. And finally, on Thursday 23 April indie faves Foxes! play with Chareyville. Along with this excellent programme of live music there will be a number of short exhibitions featuring artists who have regularly appeared at the gallery, including Jim Sanders, Alex Binnie, Craig Shuttlewood and Pam Glew, whose striking prints using vintage American flags has been generating a great deal of interest beyond Brighton. The Fairtrade Gallery believes that the May festivities can be a little bit too hectic, and so they are providing an interesting, if small, alternate series of gigs and art exhibitions in this hidden gem of Kemp Town. The Fairtrade Gallery, 26 Montague Place, Brighton. Visit www.myspace.com/fairtradegallery.

UPCOMING GIGS Simply Red 31 March, Brighton Centre The Enemy 8 April, Dome The Prodigy 14 April, Brighton Centre David Byrne 14 April, Dome Horace Andy 14 April, Concorde 2 PJ Harvey 15 April, Corn Exchange Bat For Lashes 16 April, Corn Exchange Doves 16 April, Dome Gary Moore 17 April, Dome The Rakes 21 April, Concorde 2 Spear of Destiny 23 April, Concorde 2 Australian Pink Floyd 28 April, B’ton Centre Diamanda Galas 2 May, Dome Gallows 2 May, Concorde 2 Art Brut 6 May, Concorde 2 Portico Quartet 6 May, Old Market

The Levellers 11 May, Parlure Spiegeltent Orquesta Aragon 12 May, Dome Great Escape 14–16 May Yolanda Brown 17 May, Old Market Bon Iver 18 May, Dome Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Antony and The Johnsons 21 May, Dome Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Katy Perry 2 June, Dome Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome Loop 11–12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28–31 August Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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MUSIC 25

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 31 March to Monday 6 April

Tuesday 31 March Dirty Projectors + Polar Bear + Lucky Dragons Style-smashing Brooklyn art rock ensemble. Komedia, 8:30pm, £10. Martin Messent Combining folk, jazz and alt. country. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4/3. Simply Red British soul-pop band. If you don’t know them by now... Brighton Centre, 7pm, £40. Stiff Little Fingers + Chelsea 70s punkrockers. Vital, powerful, melodic and marching, still 30 years young. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £15.

Wednesday 1 April Club NME with The Pursuit A night of melodramatic, progressive rock. Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free. Dean Owens One of Scotland’s most acclaimed singer-songwriters and ex-frontman to The Felsons. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7/6. Open Mac Night Showcase night for electronic music talents. Sidewinder, 9pm, free. Orkestra Del Sol Riotous brass carnival! Hanbury Club, 7pm, £tbc. Suspiciously Elvis Al Duomo, 7pm, £18.95/21.95 (including meal). Wednesday 13 Horror drenched, glam-punk with ex-Murderdolls frontman. Concorde 2, 7:30pm, £13. Wildbirds & Peacedrums + Grasscut Combining, evocative blues vocals with primal drum rhythms. Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Thursday 2 Open Mic Night Popular Open Mic with performer happy hour. The Hub, 8:30pm, free Drift Records Presents: Le Reno Amps + Cottonmouth Rocks + Tandy Hard Power-pop tinged rock boys, Le Reno Amps meet Folk rooted Cottonmouth Rocks. The Hope, 8pm, £4. Foxes + The Hot Toddies + The Bobby McGees Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5. Gertrude + support DIY post punk/rock band. The Hope, 8:30pm, £5/4.

Friday 3 Bright-AID 2009 with Gloria Cycles + The Third Man + I-koma Raising money for charity with a night of live experimental, rock and indie. Brighton Coalition, 7:30pm, £8/5. Brighton Jazz Club A selection of the jazz world’s most extravagant talents. Komedia, 8pm, £12-8. Club Meow Prince Albert, 8pm, free. LMB Allstars with Niamh McNally + Mike Mayfield Soul pop-jazz songstress plus Brighton’s acclaimed soul and groove man. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7/5. Orchestra Baobab Fusing Afro Cuban rhythms, Portuguese Creole melody and Congolese rumba. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £17.50/15. Playgroup with Fat 45 + Los Albertos + Astro Physics + Samsara Stomping carnival madness with live swing and jive from Fat 45

and ska legends Los Albertos. Concorde 2, 11pm, £5. Ron E Carter + Yvonne Howard Outstanding rock guitarist. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £5. Shindig! ‘Goes To Hell’ with Stuart Flynn and The Dirty Cakes + Vile Imbeciles + Sex Beet A fusion of influences swinging from prewar Berlin cabaret to jazz and metal creates The Dirty Cakes. The Hope, 9pm, £5. SoundCirque with Capillary Action + Le Band Extraordinaire + A Scandal in Bohemia Melodramatic live electronics blended with experimental rock and intelligible lyrics. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 7:30pm, £6/5. Who’s Who + Small Faces A dynamic tribute band to The Who. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.

Saturday 4 Brighton Electrofest ‘09 with Speak and Spell + Oppenheimer Analysis Depeche mode tribute band, with 80s minimalist maestros. Komedia, 3:30pm, £8. It’s Alive with Ice Black Birds + The Uncomfortables + Longtomb Making sound waves with, rock, soulful blues tones and charismatic thrash pop. Hectors House, 8:30pm. Thank You Anyway + support Brighton four piece hard rockers with melodic and emotional lyrics. Concorde 2, 6:30pm, £5. The Stash Presents The Shoestrung + The National Express + Amity The Hope, 8pm, £4/3 NUS. Tim’s House Presents: Danni Nichols + Charlot Webster + Ben Griffith + Kate Walsh A sumptuous cocktail of singersongwriter talent. Fairtrade Gallery, 8pm, £4.

Dirty Projectors + Polar Bear + Lucky Dragons Ranging from Prince-style one-man productions to arranged orchestrations, to oneman and an acoustic guitar, Dirty Projector’s (Dave Longstreth) makes eclectic and divergent pop music. American hardcore punk is effortlessly mixed with African blues and funk. Meanwhile the raw-boned electronic jazz-punk of Polar Bear has an irresistible driving force that works brilliantly live, driven by the drumming of Seb Roachford.. Tuesday 31 March, Komedia Simply Red Oh, yes! Mick Hucknall and gang are practically ignored by the alternative press, but then they were practically ignored when they first stepped onto the stage way back in the late 70s. Amazingly enough Hucknall witnessed the Sex Pistols at their infamous Lesser Free Trade Hall gig in Manchester in 1976 and was a punk for several years, achieving virtually no success with The Frantic Elevators. Turning to blue-eyed soul, and a new name, Simply Red recorded ‘Money’s Too Tight (To Mention)’ and reworked an earlier The Frantic Elevators song, ‘Holding Back The Years’, and the rest, as they say, is history… Tuesday 31 March, Brighton Centre Foxes! + Hot Toddies + The Bobby McGees Triple bill of eccentric, alternative indie with Brighton’s Foxes! leading the way with their ebullient and naive DIY garage that has no rhyme nor reason except that it reaches the parts other indie music simply can’t get to. Riotous and mad. Same goes for the twee yet

faintly disturbing Bobby McGees led by the bearded Scots wonder Jimmy. And then there’s The Hot Toddies, all the way from the USA, four crazee girls with a penchant for 60s style beat garage and great harmonies. Thursday 2 April, Latest Music Bar Orchestra Baobab Founded in 1970 they fuse Afro-Cuban rhythms and Portuguese Creole with Congolese rumba, highlife and a whole gamut of local styles – kick-starting a musical renaissance in their native Senegal. Then, after a 16-year hiatus, a huge groundswell of international interest led to the band’s triumphant reformation in 2001, a musical revival to match the great Buena Vista surge that preceded it. Their latest album, Made in Dakar, takes them back to their 1970s heyday in the clubs and streets of their hometown. Friday 3 April, Corn Exchange Speak and Spell Depeche Mode tribute band Speak and Spell headline the first Brighton Electrofest, where they’ll wheel out all the classics as well as having backdrop films from the Modes previous tours and music videos specially edited for their shows. Joining them will be electronica’s answer to Marlene Dietrich – Katja Von Kassel and her Electro Weimar Cabaret. 80s minimalists Oppenheimer Analysis plus Brighton’s The Mono Galaxy are also on the bill along with the synthpop of Digitalis. There’ll also be an after show party from around 11pm with Germany’s Plastikmann. Get yer black on. Saturday 4 April, Komedia

Sunday 5 Absolute Live – The Finals The final 10 in the competition to unearth raw, unsigned talent Concorde 2, 12pm, free. The Psyche Out Musikland Big Band + support Seven piece punk-rock band. The Hope, 8pm, £4. Time’s Up + Headspace + Lightbringer Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5.

Monday 6 Bleeding Hearts Club + Palm Springs + Jane Bartholomew A night of acoustic tunes, leaning on melancholic. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Brighton Acoustic Session presents Ben Paley + Tab Hunter Red-hot traditional fiddle and guitar. The Lord Nelson, 7:30pm, free. The Rasmus + Backyard Babies Dark, brooding rock collides with Swedish, ballsy rock’n’roll in this monster double headliner. Concorde 2, 7pm, £15.

Roast Jazz

Simply Red

Jaime Pettit

Every Sunday from 12.30 £10 including lunch Sun 5 Apr Shauna Parker & The Saloon Bar band Easter Sun 12 Apr Sun 19 Apr Roy Gee Roy Hilton & Yvonne Lloyd 01273 687171 14–17 manchester street

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26 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases nce upon a time, Gomez were the toast of town, surprise winners of the inaugural Mercury Music Prize back in 2007 for their indie blues rock that featured the fearsomely guttural blues bawl of Ben Otterell. Nowadays their ‘dad rock’ is in danger of acquiring not enough new fans to stop them careering off the pot-holed road. A New Tide attempts to, ahem, stem this tide with a work that return to a more freewheeling, eccentric, and psychedelic shadings of some of their best work, but for the most part it lacks spark, is too cluttered, and is a little starved of good ideas beyond the prog rock blues wig outs. Meanwhile, indie rock punk trios seem to have been around since the beginning of time; there simply is no let up in the conveyor belt of youthful abandon, innocence and anger. Since 2002 The Thermals have been knocking out three minute slices of lo-fi punk grunge goodies, sometimes with a hint of the Velvet Underground within. They have a knack for melody, and new album Now We Can See is full of that from beginning to end, without raising the temperature too much. After all, we’ve heard this all before, many many times… Ben Taylor has been quickly trying to cast off the shadow of his semi-famous dad (who coincidentally is enjoying a renaissance in the noughties) and is succeeding thanks to his great songs and lovely production sound that works for the most part on new album The Legend of Kung Folk. A little bit more racier than his AORish dad, Benjamin has a similar voice; soft yet powerful, but generally he’s got consistently better songs. Like a more interesting Jack Johnson, it’s gentle soul with a sexy edge. Stateside indie act Royal Bangs have got the formula spot on with their thrilling We Breed Champions. Urgent guitars, garage rock and glitchy electronics rub shoulders without knocking each other over. Pavement is perhaps a starting point for this exciting band. Brighton electronic dance rock outfit Kovak have been gigging in and around the Brighton area for a while now, culminating in the release of their long awaited debut album Heroes and High Heels. Relentlessly upbeat, there are obvious influences such as Blondie (whom they doff their cap in covering ‘Atomic’), B52s and classic electro-pop of the new wave era. They also love the dancefloor, extolling us to take to it throughout the album. Classy production, and a handful of very hooky songs, Kovak have tried to stylise a winner.

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Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★

1 N-D-E – Incredible Machine

★

2 Thunk – Micromophone 3 Frunt, Bak & Nutz – The Rites Of Wolf 4 The Woo!worths – KONICHIWA 5 Chaos Borne – Watching 6 Last Days of Lorca – Big Green Parcel Machine 7 The Mojo Fins – Always Now 8 Caramel Jack – We Could Build Skyscrapers 9 Mr resonate – Say what you mean 10 tenek – If I Should Fall (EP version) The top five are frozen in time as electro dub outfit N-D-E fends off hot competitors Thunk and comically named Frunt, Bak & Nutz. Meanwhile, Last Days of Lorca vault eight places to six, with their post-indie delivery of a ‘Big Green Parcel Machine’. Caramel Jack succumb to their buzzing guitars and drop the ‘Curtain’ to thirteen as breakbeat outfit, R21 slip to twelve. 11 Mr resonate All That I’m Not 12 R21 Proved You Wrong 13 Caramel Jack Curtain 14 tenek State Of Mind 15 Chaos Borne The Moment 16 breakinbear Breeze 17 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 18 Glitters From Billy Holiday 19 Swarf Parlour Tricks 20 sMs I’m Sorry Dave 21 jaybee sweet savage 22 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall Everytime 23 Without Warrant Stop the Machine 24 Millsy slug music My Giddy Aunt 25 Friday Night Hero Our Time

26 Sweet Sweet Lies My Overrated Girlfriend 27 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts 28 Stupid Kid With You 29 dear jon. on your side 30 Sam Charles Jupiter 31 Mr resonate The Opposite Vibe feat. North Laine & Lionheart 32 St. Michel Remedy 33 Millsy slug music Power 34 Go Johnny Go Ebbenflow 35 The Beautiful Word Golden Box 36 Sam Charles Voyager 37 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 38 VILLAREAL We Must Stop Meeting Like This 39 North Laine Crys 40 The Pulse Used In Part

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Solution Cryptic 187 ACROSS: 1 Confident 8 Stye 9 Drum-major 11 Nibble 13 Plead 15 Play 16 …clat 17 Might 18 Ratio 19 Stun 20 Tally 22 Hamlet 25 Salvation 26 Name 27 Tailoring. DOWN: 2 Ogre 3 Family 4 Drama 5 Neon 6 Stability 7 Selecting 10 Rivet 12 Apprehend 13 Pantomime 14 Digit 17 Moles 19 Slater 21 Anvil 23 Ta-ta 24 Coin. Solution to Quick 187 ACROSS: 1 Boomerang 8 Menu 9 Deflected 11 Linear 13 Scare 15 Ache 16 Twang 17 Soapy 18 Treat 19 Slit 20 Eagle 22 Learns 25 Dictation 26 Step 27 Attending. DOWN: 2 Obey 3 Malice 4 Recur 5 Noel 6 Venerable 7 Surrogate 10 Dirty 12 Tasteless 13 Shoemaker 14 Erase 17 Stand 19 Slated 21 Antre 23 Silt 24 Boon. © Crossword Shop

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BARS & CLUBS 27

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 31 March to Monday 6 April

Tuesday 31 March Audio Snide. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Latin music to get your juices flowing. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Its ***King Good. Prescription cheese and chart! 10:30pm, £1. New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! Uncompromising quality pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–2am, £1–£3 Tru It’s All About The 90s. 10pm–2:30am, 90p Water Margin Sessions.11pm–4am, £2/free.

Wednesday 1 April Arc Life is Easy. 10pm, £1/free. Audio Supercharged. Hip Hop and D’n’B shot through with breaks from the mighty Krafty Kuts. 11pm–2:30am, £6/4. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live NME bands & DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. Unpretentious Pop, electro and house.11pm–6am, £3/2. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’B, Hip Hop, Dance Hall and Funky House. 10pm–3am, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. 80s electro. 11pm–3am, £tbc Followed by: Genetics. Intelligent, liquid, neuro and darkside D’n’B. 2:30am–7am, £2.

Thursday 2 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Tasty. R’n’B, funky house and dance music floor fillers. 10:30pm–3am, £3. Funky Buddha Lounge Keepin’ it Funky. Funky house and party classics. 11pm–3am, £3/2. Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Water Margin Love Lockdown. DJs, Show ‘n’ Prove. 7:30pm, ladies free

Friday 3 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s night. 11pm–3am, £3 Brighton Coalition Bright-Aid 2009. 7:30pm–2am, £7/5. Concorde 2 Playgroup’s Save The Winged Badger Shark! 11pm-4am, £5. Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and live bands.11pm–3am, £4. Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative.11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge La Playa. Playing the best in Latin House and Reggeton. 11pm–6am, £6. Funky Fish The Funkyfish.10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Hardsouth – Hard Dance Awards Album Tour. 10:30pm-5am, £10/5.

Komedia Stone To The Bone. Spinning superbad 70s Motown, Psychedelic soul and funk grooves. 11pm, £5. Latest Music Bar Soul Deep. Soul, motown, rhythm and blues with a sprinkle of northern soul. 11:30pm-2:30am, free. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’roll indie anthems and punk. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night for a dressed up crowd. 10pm–3am, £5/4 The Loft Positivity. Original breaks, soul, funk and hip hop classics. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS. Tru Skint. Mainstream funky house, R’n’B and Cheesy disco. 10pm–2am, free b4 11/£3 after. Volks The Regime Vs Wrong Music. Playing acid, hardcore. rave, gabba and jungle. 11pm–5am, £5/4.

Saturday 4 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Junkbox. Electro tech club night. 11pm-4am, £12/10. Followed by: Blow the Afterparty. 3am, £7/4. Concorde 2 Kings of The Jungle. Old Skool jungle with UK Apache Live PA.11pm–4am, £8. Digital Pussycat Club. 11pm, £12/10. Engine Rooms Born Bad. Alternative madness for glamorous girls and boys. 11pm-3am, £5/4. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove. 10pm–3am, £10 Followed By: Upside Down. The best in upfront and minimal house. 3am–7am, £5/3. Funky Fish The Funkyfish. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. 10:30pm–5am, £12/5. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house from all over. 8pm–4am, free b4 11/£6 after. New Hero It Is Still 1985. 10pm, £3 Om Bar and Club Balearic Jukebox. 9pm, £3. Pavilion Tavern Drop Zone. Dark, Heavy, Glam, Alternative Dance. 10:30pm–3am, £4/2 Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, funky house and commercial. 10pm–3am, £10/5 Tru Glitterbaby. 9pm–3am, £10/8 Volks Psychedelicious. A tantalising mix of treats from psytrance to breaks, funk and chill. 11pm-5am, £7/6. Water Margin Logo. 3am, £7/5.

with Jaime Pettit Playgroup’s Save The Winged Badger Shark! (Pictured) For your ultimate carnival cocktail delight, Playgroup have provided a tantalising blend of DJs and live bands. With the foot stomping swing and jive 12-piece, Fat 45, Los Albertos live and a funky barrage of lyrics from the innovative Astro Physics. Plus live artwork and walkabout performers. Come save the species! Friday 3 April, Concorde 2

Balearic Jukebox Eclectic diversity with genrebreaking Balearic sounds. Special guest DJ Richard Norris is not a remixer but re-animator as he brings original tracks to new places, combining folk, dance and Balearic beats. All set in the refurbed Om Bar, a bold, yet soothing club bathed in Indian culture and mixed with ultrachic. Bring some early sunshine to your April. Saturday 4 April, Om Bar and Club Bright-Aid 2009 Live Music and DJs raising money for Cancer Research UK, The Polycystic Kidney Disease Charity and Macmillan. Friday 3 April, Brighton Coalition Pussycat Club – Gatecrashing the Playboy Mansion Pull out your smoking jacket and dad’s cigar box, fluff up your bunny ears and slip on your uber cool shades as we gatecrash the mansion! Expect a host of live performers from bunny burlesque dancers to rollerskating bubble girls. Set to an achingly good soundtrack of cutting edge funky electro and dirty house. Saturday 4 April, Digital

Sunday 5 Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B, 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency. 8pm, free.

Monday 6 Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm–3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe. 10:30pm–2:30am, £3/1 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2:30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit

★

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07768 863175 Learner Refresher Advanced Pass plus Registered Brighton Area

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28 STAGE

Good lord The Showbiz Pops Orchestra play Lloyd Webber at The Brighton Centre

All fall down The First Domino, is a terrifying and moving play written by a survivor of the Soho pub bombing atrocity pril this year marks the 10th anniversary of a lone terrorist’s London bombing campaign against minority groups. On Friday 30 April at approximately 6.37pm, a nail bomb exploded in The Admiral Duncan, a gay pub in Soho. Playwright Jonathan Cash was standing a few feet away from the device as it exploded. Several years on he is now able to write about the events with objectivity and the result is a brooding and surprisingly witty drama about our own fears and judgements. A strange relationship develops between the bomber and his prison doctor. Secrets are revealed, reality blurs and the audience is taken on a terrifying journey ending with a shocking denouement. The First Domino is directed by Faynia Williams, an award-winning international theatre and opera director, and BBC drama and documentary producer. Notable productions include Jonathan Harvey’s Mothers Shall Not Cry (Opera, Royal Albert Hall), Alan Rickman in Brothers Karamazov (Edinburgh International Festival, West End and Russia), Tom Courtenay in Moscow Stations (BBC Radio) and John Hurt in Vlad the Impaler (BBC Radio). The First Domino is produced by Brighton Theatre, a company dedicated to producing new work in new spaces. Brighton Theatre won a record nine Edinburgh Fringe First awards and became the first company to be invited onto the main Edinburgh Festival programme, transferring from there to London’s West End, New York and international success, working with new actors and major stars. Brighton Theatre is privileged to be working with Brighton Aids Memorial artist, Romany Mark Bruce on the design for The First Domino. The First Domino, 7pm Tuesday 19–Saturday 23 May 2009, Latest MusicBar, 14–17 Manchester Street, Brighton, BN2 1TF.

Theatre Royal

Stage listings Tuesday 31 March to Monday 13 April Brighton Dome

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Richard Alston Dance Company Celebrating 40 years at the forefront of contemporary dance. • 31 Mar–1 Apr, 8pm, £6–15. Orchestra Baobab Fusing Afro-Cuban rhythms, Portugese Creole melody with Congolese rumba. • Fri 3 Apr, 8pm, 17.50/15 National Children’s Orchestra of Great Britain With guest conductor Peter Stark. • 11 Apr, 7pm, £5–£18

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Bourne From the Elements Dance and music with Bourne Primary School based on earth, fire, wind and water. • 2 Apr, 7pm, £5 Joseph and the amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat Starring Craig Chalmers, one of the finalists from Any Dream Will Do. • 6–11 Apr, 7.30pm Mon–Fri, plus 2.30pm Tues & Thu, 5pm & 8pm Fri, 2pm, 5pm & 8pm Sat. £12–£25.50

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Fifi and the Flowertots Magical adventure for 3 to 7-year-olds. • 4–5 Apr, 1.30pm and 4pm, £12/10

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk The Last Cigarette Dramatisation of Simon Gray’s The Smoking Diaries. Candid and probing. • 31 Mar–11 Apr, contact venue for times/£

Love him or hate him, there is little denying that for many years the hugely prolific Andrew Lloyd Webber, who celebrated his 60th birthday this year, has dominated the theatre stage in the West End and Broadway, but enjoyed unrivalled chart and commercial success too. In fact it is all too easy to jump on the ‘I don’t like AWL bandwagon’ without realising that he wrote some of your favourite tunes. Having written some of the world’s most covered compositions, in recent years he has recently taken on the role of mentor in television’s American Idol and in the UK on How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?, Any Dream Will Do, and most recently I’d Do Anything. He also cleverly managed

The Tales of Peter Rabbit

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Gethsemane New play about British public life looking at how business, media and politics are now intertwined to nobody’s advantage. • 31 Mar–4 Apr, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, please contact venue for £ HMS Pinafore Nautical comedy featuring Sir Arthur Sullivan’s witty musical numbers. • 7–11 Apr, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Wed, Thu & Sat, please contact venue for £

to re-invent himself as a self-effacing and very likeable character, after years of being seen as geeky, and to be frank, odd So why not join The Showbiz Pops Orchestra, conducted by Richard Ward-Roden and four of the West End’s finest stars including Daniel Boys, Helen Hobson, Chrissie Hammond and Scott Davis in an evening of excerpts from the musicals of the world’s most successful composer – hear your favourites from The Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Evita, Jesus Christ Superstar, Aspects of Love and many other Lloyd Webber favourites. Sunday 5 April, tickets: £30/26.50/20 Box Office: 0844 847 1515 (subject to booking fee) www.brightoncentre.co.uk

• 1–2 April, 7.30pm, £6/5 Katy and Rach Make Stuff Up Spontaneous theatre – one hour completely improvised. • 7 April, 8pm, £7/5

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Dinnerladies Victoria Wood’s comedy live on stage. Based on the second series of the show. • 31 Mar–4 Apr, 7.30pm plus 2pm Wed and 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre Upstairs at Three and Ten 07800 983290 www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk Double Bill: Tipping/A Month of Sundays Tipping examines London’s ASBO generation and A Month of Sundays is a dark thriller set in a decaying seaside town.

01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk We’ll Meet Again Charming musical reliving the spirit of the 40s. • 2 April, 2.30pm, £11/9 Anyone4Theatre? Youth organisation Anyone4Theatre? present Barry Manilow’s Copacabana with the Juniors presenting their debut performance of Disney’s Aladdin. • Aladdin: 7 April, 2.30pm and 7.30pm, £10/5, Copacabana, 8–9 April, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thu, £10/5 The Tales of Peter Rabbit Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny go on an adventure. Easter fun for young and old. • 11 April, 3pm, £9

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LATEST GAY 29

Gay listings Tuesday 31 March to Monday 6 April Tuesday 31 March

Craig Hill

Amsterdam The Tuesday Social. 7pm, free. Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free. Ghetto Quiz Alicious & Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free. Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Drag King Night. Rack out some pool or relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free. Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks wristbands for £10 plus a guest DJ and karaoke. A credit crunch gem. 8pm–11pm, free. R-Bar Shoot Me Baby! FREE shot of Corky’s or Sourz with every alcoholic bevvy! 12pm–2am. Revenge Playground. School Disco with a twist. 10:30pm–3am, free to NUS and those in uniform/£3 others. The Basement Scene Queen. Night for scene staff and students. 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 1 April Amsterdam Mid-week student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Charles Street Bar Weekly Gameshow. A new spin on game shows. 10pm, free. Ghetto Transition. Rock, metal and 80s-tastic cheese! 10pm–2am, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Bona Bingo. 9pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-House Darts League. 8pm, £3 to enter. R-Bar Rush99. A 99p rush bar!12pm–2am, free. Revenge Guilty. A naughty mid-week session of big funky and electro beats. 11pm–3am, Free b4 12/2 after/Free NUS. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. Bar 12pm–11pm. The Basement Play. Uplifting house & dance anthems with DJ Lil’ Alex. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 2 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. Cheap as Primark pants. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles Street Club Religion. Two floors of funky house. 10pm–3am, £4/3 Ghetto HDSM. A night for the sexually hedonistic! Dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Legends Cabaret Lounge. 9:30pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open mic.Hosted by the comical Lucy Checkley, a busy night of music and comedy 9pm. Queen’s Arms Spice’s Nooks and Crannies! A cabaret show with a difference. 9.30pm, free. R-Bar I Can’t Wait For The Weekend To Begin! Funked up, soulful and uplifting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls on Top Trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10:30pm–4am, free b4 11:30 with passes, £4/5 after. The Basement Box. Boys Below. A men only night. DJ Phil Marriott plays a mix of chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Friday 3 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished. Bar open 11am. Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Pure unadulterated trashy disco pop, 10:30pm–3am, £5/4/3 NUS. Ghetto Popstarz Night. Playin’ indie recent and retro! 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girl’s Night. 2 floors of mayhem with DJs. 9pm–2am, free. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks wristbands: £20! 9pm, free. R-Bar Tops and Bottoms. Trash, pop and party tunes from Girls on Top. 12pm–2am Revenge Lollipop & Housexual. Pop tunes and funky vocal house upstairs. 10:30pm–5am, £7/5 The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop & handbag tracks. 11pm–4am, free

Saturday 4 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free. Charles Street Club Pussy Party. Dolling out a

fusion of indie, rock, electro, pop and rnb hits and funky house anthems. 10:30pm-3am, £tba. Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Marly DJs. Guest DJs and live music. 9pm–2am, free. Queen’s Arms Karaoke Party with Kamp Kevin. Vocalists, comedians & drag (3:30–5:30pm). Bar open 12pm–12:30am, free. R-Bar Kinky Baby. Kinky Dangerous warm-up from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 2 top DJs, 2 floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics. 10:30pm–4am, £7/3. The Basement Ignition. The funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free. The PV at The Jury’s Out Saturday Madness. Brighton duets from 4:30pm, then from 8:30pm DJs takes to the decks. Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 5 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch (12–5:30pm) and relaxing vibes with a twist from 8pm, free. Charles Street Bar Showtime. Miss Connie Conway hosts a spellbinding night with an elite cabaret superstar TBA. 7.15pm, free. Ghetto Club Tropicana. Back to the 80s with DJ Pookie and friends. 9pm, free. Komedia Bent Double. A consuming brew of comedic delight with stand-ups including Craig Hill, hosted by Mock The Week’s Zoe Lyons. 7:30pm, £10/8. Legends Sunday Cabaret. 3:15pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. Dished up by resident Drag King, Jack Roquard. 7pm, free. Queen’s Arms Cabaret and Betty’s Karaoke. 12pm, free. R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. Relaxing acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by Miss Jason's barmy Bingo! 12pm–2am, free. The Basement Fever. Dripping in disco and pop remixes.11pm–4am, free.

Monday 6 Amsterdam Big Quiz. 7pm–11pm, £1 to enter. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin the best party tracks with mammoth drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50. Ghetto Frat Party. A chaotic mash-up of indie, electro and credible. 10pm, free. Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. A hysterical night of cabaret, 9:30pm. Bar open 11pm–5am. Marlborough Trans Night. Hosted in conjunction with the Clare Project. 8:30pm, free. R-Bar Miss Jason’s Mad House. Cabaret night + Wii zone + free pool! 10pm, free. The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers.11pm–4am, free.

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30 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

31 MARCH – 6 APRIL

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 31

Horne and Corden BBC 3 Tuesdays was quite looking forward to this coming out. After being the last person on the planet to actually decide they love Gavin and Stacey the possibility of something a little more from the actors and writers could only have been seen as a plus. But I have to say I have found it slightly hit and miss. But I suppose that can be said for most sketch shows; not everyone will like every sketch. My favourite so far is the Spiderman and Superman sketches – especially the very first one, where Superman has pants on top and below his tights. I thought that was a nice touch. And the magicians Johnny and Lee Miller – I am a bit partial to a Horne and Corden dance routine, especially when they are wearing such snazzy outfits! But the rest I tend to find slightly cringeworthy – in the best possible way – but still cringeworthy, but that is the point of them so they are serving their purpose. Kathy Burke is the director of the sketches. I don’t know why finding that out made me as happy as it did. I think I like the idea of some of the best comedians of 10 years ago working with the newest young comedians. It’s refreshing and only adds to my strange belief that there is some kind of comedy secret society. Overall, I am afraid to say that I was slightly disappointed by the show. I had such high hopes for it, and I think that might be a problem others have come across too. It just felt like there was something missing, almost as if you waited for the punchline that never came. Not to say that it isn’t funny. It is amusing, but (and I do feel bizarrely bad for saying so) not quite funny enough. But as the sketches seem to develop from episode to episode, I am hoping the stories will become more and more humorous. I had really hoped to have written a great review of this, but I just can’t say it really met all my expectations. And even when everything else I have seen either of them in is disregarded, I still find it far too similar to other shows – the characters that should be original seem to reminiscent of others seen before. Fingers crossed that the series becomes funnier and funnier the further through it we go. So far everyone but me seems to just be happy enough having Matt Horne and James Corden back on their TV screens. Personally that isn’t enough for me. I am just hoping it improves as the characters grow throughout the series.

O Brother Where Art Thou? ★★★★★ (2000, Sky Movies Indie 8pm. Dir Joel Coen) The Coen brothers’ take on Homer’s classic Greek tale of The Odyssey, sees George Clooney and his feckless pals break free of a chain gang in order to make their way back home to his missus, Holly Hunter, and buried treasure. With the Force on their tails and more adventures along the way, this is a delightful take on a classic journey.

WEDNESDAY 1 Volcano ★★★✩✩

(1997, E4, 9pm. Dir Mick Jackson) One of the more successful natural disaster films of the 1990s. Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche keeps telling those powers that be that it’s a biggie, but will they listen? Heck, will they! Apart from some class set pieces with lava, this is classic Jaws with a volcano taking the role of the shark.

SATURDAY 4

An Inconvenient Truth ★★★★✩ (2006, Channel 4, 9.20pm. Dir Davis Guggenheim) Former vice-president Al Gore’s awardwinning global teaching about what will happen if we don’t buck up our environmental ideas. Not so much a boogie man story calling out that we’re all doomed, more a rallying call to arms, to change things pretty sharpish to save the planet. Entertainingly delivered sober message.

SUNDAY 5

Ghostbusters ★★★★★ (1984, Channel 4, 5.45pm. Dir Ivan Reitman) Who you gonna call? Obviously it’d be Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd and Harold Ramis, turning up with their spectre hoovers and getting slimed left, right and centre. With Bill after the girl, in the form of occasionally possessed Sigourney Weaver, and New York under threat from an ancient demon, Sunday afternoon telly couldn’t get more perfect.

THURSDAY 2

Angel Heart ★★★★★ (1987, ITV1, 11.35pm. Dir Alan Parker) Much has been made of Mickey Rourke’s recent comeback, but to catch him first time round you can’t do better than this tale of Deep South voodoo, private-investigator intrigue, and a spooky star turn from a certain Mr Robert De Niro. Also starring Lisa Bonet, this is a decadent thriller to make your toes curl.

FRIDAY 3

The Ringer ★★★✩✩ (2005, Channel 4, 10pm. Dir Barry W Blaustein) This Johnny Knoxville vehicle is, of course, described as both ‘madcap’ and ‘physical’, with a massive dollop of ‘comedy’ thrown in. He stars as an able-bodied man who pretends to be disabled at the Special Olympics in order to nobble the bookies. Learning and growing are expected by the time the credits roll.

MONDAY 6

Herbie Rides Again ★★★✩✩ (1974, BBC2, 11am. Dir Robert Stevenson) The little car with the big heart looks after Helen Hayes’ little old lady, keeping her safe from a corrupt developer who wants her home. Watch him itch to twirl an imaginary moustache, he so enjoys being a Disney baddie.

031_LS417_TV_tue

3/26/09

3:50 PM

Page 1

tuesday 31 All The Small Things BBC1, 9pm Taking the plot to the suburbs – where the arrival of a glamorous and mysterious soprano usurps local choirmaster’s wife Esther from both her choir and her marriage. Unexpectedly Esther finds herself mounting a rival offering in the local music festival to help her son. Will the downtrodden conquer all?

Horizon: Alan And Marcus Go Forth And Multiply BBC2, 9pm Maths has been a stumbling block for more than a couple of us, and Alan Davies is putting his hand up and volunteering to see if his can get any better. Having hated it at school, Professor Marcus du Sautoy takes Alan on a maths odyssey and tries to ignite a new fascination. Cool.

Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive BBC3, 9pm It’s all happening at 9pm. After last year’s experiment of single mums living together in a massive house ont’ telly, this year’s experiment includes single dads too. With the commune running out of money, leader Sam has to send out four other parents to work. Tensions high? Never!

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9.00 Harry And Toto 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Dangermouse 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.10 FILM: The Watcher In The Woods (1980) 2.30 Escape To The Country 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Taste The Nation

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.15pm Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.40 The Family Recipe 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: What Kind Of Mother Are You? (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Archie abandons his own stag party to deal with Danielle, but how far will he go to stop her revealing the truth? He’s a rogue! And not in a good way. 8.00 Holby City Darwin is struck by a chemical contamination which results in Jac and Joseph being trapped in theatre. Fearing for their lives, they find themselves being open about their feelings. Will they discover the cause of the contamination before the team is wiped out? Very dramatic. 9.00 All The Small Things See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Planners Are Coming Jane and her son Ben are having their lives blighted by work carried out next door which is damaging their own home. Building control officer Angus Mackay investigates, and becomes alarmed by what he discovers. That’s never good. 11.05 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross Reviews, news and interviews. 11.35 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. 12.20am FILM: Impostor (2002) 1.45 Weatherview 1.50 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.20 Horizon: Who Do You Want Your Child To Be? 3.20 MasterChef 3.50 Axe The Agent? 4.50 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces. Better than antiques? You choose. 7.00 Did Darwin Kill God? There are some who believe that Darwin’s theory of evolution has weakened religion, fuelled in part by Richard Dawkins’s publishing phenomenon The God Delusion. Conor Cunningham argues that nothing could be further from the truth. 8.00 Coast The team travel from Berwick-upon-Tweed to Aberdeen, highlighting Edinburgh’s close connection with the coast. 9.00 Horizon: Alan And Marcus Go Forth And Multiply See highlights. 10.00 QI Stephen Fry takes a fresh look at food with David Mitchell, Rich Hall, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series about drug dealers in West Baltimore and the police investigating them. After a witness who testified at D’Angelo’s murder trial is found dead, McNulty brings D’Angelo in for questioning. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant stuff. 12.20am High Altitude 12.50 BBC Four Sessions 1.50 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: French 2

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Carl gets cold feet on his wedding day and turns to Chas – will Lexi be left at the altar? The swine! Not like the pigs on the farm because they are rather nice. 8.00 Cops With Cameras More footage from the front line with police forces across the UK. In Torquay, there’s a stand-off as PC Dan Ritson is forced to draw his Taser stun gun. Nothing like The Shield. 9.00 Holloway The final chapter of an intimate three-part documentary. The programme explores how staff cope with the growing crisis of managing punishment of criminals with humane rehabilitation without generating bad publicity. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Confessions More tricks of the trade and shocking secrets that the general public does not know about, as people in the wedding business lift the lid on their working lives. Vegan no gluten menu you say? 11.05 Police Camera Action! More heart stopping police videos. 11.35 Guinness Premiership Rugby Craig Doyle presents highlights of the weekend’s Round 19 Guinness Premiership matches. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 Great British Brands 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Home From Home 12.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.40 FILM: The Man With One Red Shoe (1985) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste is anxious to hear about Amy’s baby but Josh keeps him at arm’s length. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Journalist Anna Richardson looks into extreme dieting and talks to former Big Brother housemate Nikki Grahame about the extremes she has gone to in order to stay thin. 9.00 The Sex Education Show Vs Pornography Anna Richardson discovers which supermarkets are selling sex aids and toys, and visits a sex toy factory in Kettering. Blimey! 10.00 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series. The Gallaghers receive a letter from Liam’s school summoning both of his parents to see the head teacher. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory Flat-share comedy series. As Christmas approaches, Leonard’s handsome colleague starts dating Penny. 11.35 My Name Is Earl The adventures of Earl, who tries to make amends for his past misdeeds. 12.05am The Sex Education Show Vs Pornography 1.05 Party Poker: Premier League Poker 1.55 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.50 Table Tennis Championships 3.15 Vendee Globe 3.40 PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 4.40 Red Bull Air Race 2008 5.40 Grabbit The Rabbit 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Big League Weekend 12.30pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Big League Weekend 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Elite League Speedway 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 TBA 7.30 LIVE International Football 9.45 Football League Awards 10.45 Football Asia 11.15 Airsports World 11.45 International Football 1.15am Football League Awards 2.15 Football Asia 2.45 International Football 4.15 Football League Awards 5.15 Football Asia

6.00 Home And Away Geoff and Nicole run into a strange man on the Island. Is his name Gilligan? 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services. 8.00 Hitler’s Secret Bunkers: Revealed Historical documentary exploring a vast network of Nazi bunkers in Berlin. Multi-awardwinning writer and historian Antony Beevor returns to the German capital to uncover this lost world, much of which has been hidden from public view since 1945. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. The CSIs investigate the murder of a federal agent at a gas station. That’s ‘petrol station’ for us. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. Calleigh uncovers a drugdealing ring centred around a substitute teacher. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff. When a mounted New York City police officer is shot off his horse, Mac and Stella must comb the city for suspects. 12.00am The Shield 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.30 NBA Basketball 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Wild Spirits 8.30 IRB Sevens 11.30 Elite League Speedway 2.00pm Tennis: ATP Masters 4.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 8.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 12.00am NFL: Total Access 1.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am British Rally Championship 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Poker 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm British Rally Championship 1.00 Powder Adventures 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 IRB Sevens 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 British Rally Championship 8.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 9.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 10.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 11.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 12.00am Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

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Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Lost 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle 8.00 Freaky Eaters 9.00 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive. See highlights. 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Horne And Corden 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 12.45am Freaky Eaters 1.40 Horne And Corden

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Coal House At War 8.00 A Woman In Love And War: Vera Brittain 9.00 Early Doors 9.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 10.00 Mad Men 10.50 Law And Order 12.00am Mark Lawson Talks To GF Newman 1.00 Proms On Four 2008: Beethoven And Mahler 3.10 The Book Quiz

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy 6.35 Judge Judy 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Kids Do The Funniest Things 9.00 Coleen’s Real Women 10.00 FILM: Love Actually (2003) 12.45am FM

12.40pm Heartbeat 1.40 Ballykissangel 2.50 Sherlock Holmes 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.30 A Village Affair 12.50am Wycliffe

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Skins 1.15 Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories 12.00am Come Dine With Me 1.00 True Stories

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 America’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Living With The Dead 10.00 Ghost Whisperer 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.05 One Foot In The Grave 10.45 The Fast Show 11.25 The New Statesman 12.00am One Foot In The Grave 12.40 The Fast Show

2.00pm The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park 9.30 Scrubs 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x3) 12.40am South Park

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Edward Scissorhands (1990) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Storm Seekers (2008) 10.00 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 11.50 FILM: Alone In The Dark (2005) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Firefly

2.15pm Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy (1955) 3.40 The Great McGinty (1940) 5.05 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 6.50 Carousel (1956) 9.00 House Of Bamboo (1955) 10.45 Demetrius And The Gladiators (1954) 12.30am Safety Last (1923)

9.30am Ten Canoes (2006) 11.05 The Last Temptation Of Christ (1988) 1.50pm Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 3.50 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 5.55 Sicko (2007) 8.00 O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) 10.00 Blood Simple (1984) 11.40 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 1.40am Crash (1996)

1.00pm The Mudlark (1950) 2.55 Fathom (1967) 4.50 The Tall Men (1955) 7.10 The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (1995) 9.00 Fantastic Four (2005) 11.00 Nurse Betty (2000) René Zellweger stars as the comic amnesiac with hoods on her tail. 1.10am The Seventh Seal (1957)

8.45am Skyjacked (1972) 10.45 Band Of Angels (1957) 1.00pm Young Man With A Horn (1950) 3.00 Marriage On The Rocks (1965) 5.05 Elvis: That’s The Way It Is () 7.00 The Rain People (1969) 9.00 Before Sunrise (1995) 10.55 Batman (1989) 1.10am Before Sunrise (1995) 3.05 Skyjacked (1972)

Classics

Indie

032_LS417_TV_wed

3/25/09

3:37 PM

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wednesday 1 Desperate Housewives Channel 4, 10pm The recession has hit Wysteria Lane and Scavo Pizzeria is suffering for it. Biting the bullet, Lynette tells Tom that they have to sell, which might make things even more tense with Bree now that she’s a partner. Elsewhere, Susan starts her new job as an art teacher’s assistant. Assertive? Susan? Paint will fly.

The Wire BBC2, 11.20pm So it kicked off last night and after the first episode you can now understand the Baltimore accent and we can get down to brass tacks. This massively acclaimed ‘cops and robbers with more’ series is making its terrestrial debut and McNulty and Greggs reset on their surveillance gear. It’s starting.

Newswipe With Charlie Brooker BBC4, 10.30pm Not satisfied with sending up the television’s entire content with his Screenwipe, Charlie Brooker has decided to focus his venom on the news and current affairs. Tonight his vitriol is saved for the public’s role in reporting the news, from mobile phone footage to vox pops. Beware.

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6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Harry And Toto 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Open House 2.30 Escape To The Country 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.15pm Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.40 The Family Recipe 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: Columbo: A Bird In The Hand (1991) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Animal 24:7 Series following the people fighting to protect Britain’s wildlife and pets. RSPCA Inspector Chris Shaw makes a grisly discovery in a house of horrors. 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series. A riot breaks out when a group of traveller children enrol at the school, Rose reaches her lowest ebb, and Janeece’s boob job causes a stir along with the number of ‘e’s in her name. 9.00 The Apprentice Reality series in which budding entrepreneurs compete to work for Sir Alan Sugar. There is no let up for the candidates as Sir Alan challenges them to set up a catering service for busy professionals in the city of London. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Danny Wallace is live from Lottery HQ with many ways not to win dosh. 10.45 Queens Of British Pop Two-part series celebrating 12 female singers and icons who have influenced British pop music from the sixties to the present day. 11.50 The BBC One Sessions: Duffy 12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: Savile Row 1.40 Oz And James Drink To Britain Oz 2.40 Axe The Agent? (x2) 4.40 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts this quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces. 7.00 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson helps a young couple look for the perfect rural retreat in Warwickshire. They have a budget of over half a million pounds and need a property where they can run their own company from home. Blimey. 8.00 Ford’s Dagenham Dream Documentary which tells the story of the British love affair with the American dream cars made at Ford in Dagenham in the 1960s and 70s. 9.00 Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime Alan Whicker travels the world on a journey reflecting his varied career. Alan looks back at some of his most famous programmes, including the 1967 film that introduced ‘hippies’ to a bemused Britain and featured controversial sequences of drug-taking for the first time on British TV. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to the Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. Meet the one who bit off more than they could chew. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of news. 11.20 The Wire See highlights. 12.15am Mad Men 1.05 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: German

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Victoria and Daz give in to their desire after spending some time alone together? Soap characters are hardly known for their restraint. What d’you reckon? 7.30 World Cup Qualifier: England V Ukraine Steve Rider presents live coverage of England’s 2010 World Cup qualifier against Ukraine from Wembley. Having won their four opening qualifiers, England are in strong position, but Ukraine, World Cup quarter-finalists in 2006, will provide stiff opposition. Can England make it five wins out of five? With studio analysis from Teddy Sheringham, Joe Cole and Andy Townsend, and commentary from Clive Tyldesley and David Pleat. 10.10 News At Ten; Weather 10.45 World Cup Qualifier Highlights: England V Ukraine Matt Smith presents highlights of England’s crucial World Cup qualifier against Ukraine from Wembley. Just in case you missed it taking up all of ITV1 earlier. Humph! 11.45 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 12.40am The Big Tackle With Austin Healey 1.35 Loose Women 2.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.20 Empty House Syndrome: Tonight 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Now that the thrill of the chase is over, Archie leaves Sarah feeling neglected. Sarah asks for Lydia’s help to get her revenge, which leads to the two girls kissing. Oops! just fell on her lips did you? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Matthew and Louise Vardy dream of a family home in the Northumberland countryside, but also need a flat near Heathrow as Matthew works as a commercial long-haul pilot. Perfect Phil and Kirstie challenge. Watch as Kirstie tries not to explode. 9.00 The Sex Education Show Vs Pornography Anna Richardson hosts a series which aims to tackle the nation’s sexual ignorance and reticence. The team visit a London inner-city school to give students lessons in the practical and emotional aspects of sex. 10.00 Desperate Housewives See highlights. 11.00 Shameless Gritty comedy. Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.05am The Sex Education Show Vs Pornography 1.05 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 1.30 Coming Up 2.00 F2.8 2.20 A Very British Storm Junkie 3.20 Hill Street Blues 4.05 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Nicole fears that she and Geoff are doomed. Slipped into Dad’s Army perhaps. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Hero Animals Series profiling the true-life stories of heroic animals. Lulu is a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig who called for help when her owner, Jo Ann, suffered a heart attack at her holiday home in Lake Erie. Bizarre. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series examining the dangerous job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highways. 9.00 Extraordinary People: Freak Show Family This edition features a group of Indonesian circus performers whose shocking medical conditions made them the star attraction in a travelling freak show. When the show closes, avenues for work are few. 10.00 FILM: Nowhere To Run (1993) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rosanna Arquette and Joss Ackland. Action-packed adventure. An escaped convict strikes up a relationship with a widow and her two children who are being harassed by an unscrupulous developer. 11.55 PartyPoker.com Poker Den: Big Game III 1.30am Race And Rally UK 2.30 V8 Supercars 3.15 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 International Football 11.00 Football League Awards 12.00pm Football Asia 12.30 International Football 2.00 Football League Awards 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 International Football 5.00 Football League Awards 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE International Football 11.00 LIVE International Football 2.00am LIVE International Football 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Airsports World 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 12.00pm Powder Adventures 12.30 Airsports World 1.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 2.00 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Powder Adventures 4.30 NFL: Total Access 5.30 LIVE International U-21 Football 7.30 LIVE International Football 10.15 Boots ‘n’ All 11.15 NFL: Total Access 12.15am Watersports World 1.15 Trans World Sport 2.15 Poker: Million $ Cash Game 3.15 Close

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Triathlon: Phuket Triathlon 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Airsports World 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 British Motocross Championship 7.30 LIVE International Football 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 European Tour Weekly 11.30 Total Rugby 12.00am Tennis: ATP Masters 2.00 Max Power 3.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 FILM: Big Daddy (1999) 10.45 Fringe 11.55 Road Wars (x2) 1.55am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 3.40 Naked In Westminster

7.00pm Freaky Eaters 8.00 FILM: First Daughter (2004) 9.40 Most Annoying Couples 10.00 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 11.00 Horne And Corden 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Snog Marry Avoid? 12.45 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 1.40 Freaky Eaters 2.40 Horne And Corden

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Britain’s Best Drives 8.00 Simon Schama’s Power Of Art 9.00 Gladstone And Disraeli: Clash Of The Titans 10.30 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker. See highlights 11.00 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 11.30 FILM: Nobody Knows(2004)1.50am Simon Schama’s Power Of Art

3.45pm Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Holiday Homes From Hell 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 FM 11.00 FILM: The Last Kiss (2005) 1.10am The Truth About Boy Bands

12.40pm Heartbeat 1.40 Ballykissangel 2.50 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 4.00 The Blackheath Poisonings 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.45 Ballykissangel 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 PD James: An Unsuitable Job For A Woman 12.15am Numb3rs

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 5.55 Scrubs 6.25 Scrubs 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Volcano (1997) 11.10 Skins 12.05am Russell Brand’s Ponderland (x2)

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Dispatches: The Trouble With Boris 10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (x2) 12.05am Dispatches

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 CSI 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 CSI 10.00 Rehab 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Rehab

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.05 One Foot In The Grave 10.40 French And Saunders 11.20 The New Statesman 11.55 One Foot In The Grave 12.40am French And Saunders

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x4) 1.10am Frasier

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Stuff’s Made 8.00 Storm Chasers 9.00 Ten Commandments Of The Mafia 10.00 Undercover: Double Life 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Volcano (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 9.50 FILM: Out For A Kill (2003) 11.40 FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 1.30am Ghost Stories

8.10am The Lost Weekend (1945) 9.55 The Out-ofTowners (1970) 11.40 Lucky Jordan (1942) 1.10pm The Blob (1958) 2.35 Duel In The Sun (1946) 4.50 Custer Of The West (1968) 7.15 The Lost Weekend (1945) 9.00 Compulsion (1959) 10.50 The Blob (1958) 12.25am The Out-of-Towners (1970)

9.00am Waitress (2007) 10.50 Mumford (1999) 12.50pm The Escapist (2001) 2.25 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 4.00 Jindabyne (2006) 6.10 Waitress (2007) 8.00 Raising Arizona (1987) 9.40 Sky Movies Special 10.00 The Big Lebowski (1998) 12.00am Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

1.00pm The Long Memory (1953) 2.50 The Wrong Arm Of The Law (1963) 4.40 The League Of Gentlemen (1960) 7.00 Bad News Bears (1976) 9.00 My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) Uma Thurman stars as the ex from hell for hapless Luke Wilson. 10.55 Festival (2005) 1.00am Swingers (1996)

8.55am The Story Of Mankind (1957) 10.50 Captain Horatio Hornblower (1951) 1.00pm Crooks And Coronets (1969) 3.00 Band Of Angels (1957) 5.15 Forbidden Planet (1956) 7.05 The Time Machine (1960) 9.00 That’ll Be The Day (1973) 10.45 Stardust (1975) 12.55am That’ll Be The Day (1973)

Classics

Indie

033_LS417_TV_thu

3/25/09

3:38 PM

Page 1

thursday 2 Caravans: A British Love Affair BBC2, 8pm They met across a crowded car park and knew they’d never forget one another – the British and their caravans. Charting this love story through the 1950s and 1960s, reflecting upon the rise and fall of the economy allowing an increase in car availability and disposable income, feel a tear.

The Truth About Eternal Youth ITV1, 9pm Who would know more about eternal youth than a former teen pop star, with every crevice coming under the microscope and pushing you further away from your glory days? Coleen Nolan takes a look at the options many take to hold back time with extreme results.

I’ve Never Seen Star Wars BBC4, 10.30pm Aside from this being a jolly good interview format, turning Room 101 on its head and getting celebs to try new things rather than slagging off old ones, it’s also choc full of ideas from Marcus Brigstocke. This week Emily Maitlist listens to Dolly Parton, watches The Godfather and rides a motorbike. Rock on.

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sport

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Mona The Vampire 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 Uncle Max 4.05 Runaway 4.35 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders The Mitchell wedding is rocked by Danielle’s explosive revelations. Thank flippin’ ‘eck for that! As if that revelation could be drawn out any further – it’s not Stretch Armstrong y’know! 8.30 My Family Sitcom. Ben joins the young Harpers for a pub quiz, which leads to some awkward questions being asked. 9.00 How Woolies Became Wellies: One Woman’s Fight For The High Street Documentary. In December 2008, Woolworths went into administration. Claire Robertson, who worked her way from Saturday girl to manager of the Dorchester branch, refused to let go. She re-hired her employees and decided to set up shop once again under the new name of Wellworths. They now have just five weeks to restore it to its former glory. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 David Lean In Close-Up With Jonathan Ross The life and times of film producer David Lean. 11.35 This Week 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 Countryfile 2.20 MasterChef 2.50 Axe The Agent? 3.50 BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Harry And Toto 9.15 Finley The Fire Engine 9.30 Louie 9.35 Louie 9.45 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.55 Pingu 10.00 Big Barn Farm 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Dangermouse 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Animal 24/7 1.45 Racing From Aintree 4.35 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts this daily quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces. 7.00 The Apprentice Reality series in which budding entrepeneurs compete to work for Sir Alan Sugar. Repeat of yesterday’s show. 8.00 Caravans: A British Love Affair See highlights. 9.00 The Children Of Helen House Documentary. Helen House has revolutionised the care of sick children around the world, offering support for those with life-limiting illnesses. The philosophy of its founder Sister Frances Dominic, is that a short life does not have to be unhappy. Following the success of the series, the team returned for three months in 2008 to witness the new life-and-death issues faced by the families and staff. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show The usual mix of celebrity chat, jokes, stunts and audience mischief. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series. Following the raid, Detectives Greggs and McNulty try to get defendants to roll on superiors. 12.20am The Apprentice: You’re Fired 1.00 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Spanish

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.15pm Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Moonlight Becomes You (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale A frantic Daz worries that Victoria may reveal their secret. Ashley is furious when Sandy refuses to accept Jasmine’s prison sentence. 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney explores Britain’s coast and country. 8.00 The Bill Callum is called to a reported theft where he finds a frightened Julia Sindall. Realising that she is a victim of domestic violence, he tries to find out the truth. 9.00 The Truth About Eternal Youth See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The 30 Year Secret: Real Crime The murder of 11-year-old Lesley Molseed in West Yorkshire in 1975 led to a 16 year miscarriage of justice. Stefan Kiszko spent years in prison before it was proved he could not have been guilty. Eventually Ronald Castree was brought to justice for the crime. The tragic timeline of the tale is exposed. 11.35 FILM: Angel Heart (1987) Starring Mickey Rourke, Robert De Niro, Lisa Bonet. Atmospheric drama tale set in the 1950s. Small-time sleuth Harry Angel is hired by a mysterious client to track down a missing crooner in New Orleans. 1.30am Crossing Jordan 2.20 Loose Women 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks After a relaxed evening together, a tipsy Sarah admits to Lydia that she may have led her on the night before. Harlot! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 10 Years Younger: The Challenge The team revisit a woman who lost her hair and an ex-Navy mother of five whose smoking and tea-drinking added years on her. 9.00 Would You Save A Stranger? Investigating the role of witnesses to beatings and robberies. Using footage and reconstructions, this film looks at the choices made by those who saw the attacks, regarding whether or not to intervene, and the consequences of their decisions. 10.00 The Sex Education Show Vs Pornography Anna Richardson meets highly educated young women who have chosen careers in the sex industry. 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon visits the struggling Black Pearl in Manhattan. 12.05am The Sex Education Show Vs Pornography 1.05 When Women Rule The World 2.00 Coming Up 2.30 MESH: Tourist Trap 2.35 Unreported World 3.00 3 Minute Wonder 3.05 Dispatches: The Trouble With Boris 4.00 3 Minute Wonder 4.05 Time Team 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Grabbit The Rabbit 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Belle pops pills after she uncovers an affair between Jerry and Paula. 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series with Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. Florida’s Animal Control Officers rescue more than 30 cats and kittens from an owner who has lost control of them. 8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 Melissa visits a Regency house in Gloucestershire, Michael explores an art-deco party house and Russell stays in a barn conversion. Lovely. 9.00 The Mentalist Drama series. The body of a young woman is found at a vineyard in the Napa Valley. Teresa thinks that the murder is the result of an argument between lovers, but Patrick suspects a serial kidnapper. So says his spidey sense. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. When a photographer is found murdered and handcuffed to the wheel of a crashed car, Goren and Eames are drawn into the murky world of avant-garde art. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. The body of a boy is found in an airport bus. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf: Estoril Open De Portugal 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Boots ‘n’ All 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 International Football 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Barclays Premier League World 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00am LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 British Motocross Championship 10.30 Trans World Sport 11.30 Powder Adventures 12.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Boots ‘n’ All 1.30 Airsports World 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Watersports World 3.30 WWE Vintage Collection 4.30 Airsports World 5.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 International Football 10.00 LIVE LPGA Golf 12.00am Golf Night 1.00 International Football 3.00 Time Of Our Lives 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 The Rugby Club

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 European Tour Golf 4.30 WWE Special 5.30 Netball 7.30 The Rugby Club 9.00 WWE Late Night Raw 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Special 1.00 NFL: Total Access 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Hello Goodbye 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle 8.00 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain 9.00 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 10.00 EastEnders 11.05 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 1.15 Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 Natural World 8.30 The Sumo Tokoyama: The Art Of Hairdressing For Wrestlers 9.00 New Town 10.00 The Book Quiz 10.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars. See highlights. 11.00 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 11.30 New Town 12.30am Newswipe With Charlie Brooker

3.45pm Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Britain’s Biggest Babies 9.00 American Idol 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am American Idol 1.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show

12.30pm Heartbeat 1.35 Ballykissangel 2.40 Monarch Of The Glen 3.45 The Blackheath Poisonings 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Flashpoint 11.00 FILM: Moll Flanders (1997) 1.30am Missing Persons

2.40pm One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 5.55 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.35 Star Stories 11.05 Reno 911 (x2) 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl (x2)

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER 1.00 Brothers And Sisters

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 CSI 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Pop Goes The Band 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Criminal Minds 2.00 Extreme Makeover UK

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.40pm Open All Hours 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.00 One Foot In The Grave 10.40 French And Saunders 11.20 The New Statesman 11.55 One Foot In The Grave 12.35am French And Saunders

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (X2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x4) 10.00 Sex And The City (x2) 11.10 Scrubs (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men (x2)

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 Serial Killers 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Star Trek 3.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 11.50 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

8.30am Stalag 17 (1953) 10.35 The Nutty Professor (1963) 12.30pm Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) 2.55 Anna And The King Of Siam (1946) 5.10 Stalag 17 (1953) 7.15 Holiday Inn (1942) 9.00 Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) 11.25 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 1.05am The Nutty Professor (1963)

11.00am Clerks II (2006) 12.40pm For Your Consideration (2006) 2.10 The Serpent (2006) 4.20 Breaking And Entering (2006) 6.20 Clerks II (2006) 8.00 Barton Fink (1991) 10.00 Blood Simple (1984) 11.40 Mississippi Burning (1988) 1.50am Sky Movies Special

1.00pm Sailor Beware! (1956) 2.40 A Kid For Two Farthings (1955) 4.25 A Walk In The Clouds (1995) 6.25 K-19: The Widowmaker (2002) 9.00 Four Weddings And A Funeral (1994) 11.15 Diary Of The Dead (2007) Poor zombie sequel. 1.10am The Blair Witch Project (1999)

7.25am The Story Of Mankind (1957) 9.15 Tall Story (1960) 11.00 Drum Beat (1954) 1.00pm Cash McCall (1959) 3.00 The Elephant Man (1980) 5.20 To Trap A Spy (1966) 7.10 To Have And Have Not (1944) 9.00 The Butcher’s Wife (1991) 11.05 Arthur (1981) 12.55am The Butcher’s Wife (1991)

Classics

Indie

034_LS417_TV_fri

3/26/09

11:45 AM

Page 1

friday 3 Coronation Street ITV1, 7.30pm Blinkin’ ‘eck! Corrie was never a quiet corner of the world but tonight’s action is taking the mickey! Ken’s being pushed to finally tell Martha he’s – y’know – married, Peter’s feeling the guilt and keeping a vigil at wonderful wee mite Simon’s bedside, and Dev finds himself in a compromising position with Tara.

Unreported World Channel 4, 7.35pm Reporter Seyi Rhodes investigates the lucrative business of faith healing in Sierra Leone. In a land torn apart by civil war and where mental illness is seen as evil spirits and treated by chaining people to the ground, Seyi accompanies the country’s only psychiatrist to visit a traditional healer.

TV Adverts’ Greatest Hits E4, 10pm From Coca Cola to Levi’s, the music is the ‘thang’ that can make or break the advert. With careers launched and relaunched off the back of what they can be used to sell, this tells the story of the love affair between ads and the pop world. From The Dandy Warhols to Marvin Gaye.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Mona The Vampire 3.40 Pinky And Perky 3.50 Uncle Max 4.05 Best Of Friends 4.35 Do Something Different 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders As the Mitchells struggle to come to terms with their tragedy, Ronnie’s grief leads her into a terrible deception. Archie fights to get his family back. 8.30 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police. Pretty obvious really. 9.00 Real Swiss Family Robinson Families leave their lives behind and sample life on a desert island. Hairdresser Denise and her cabbie hubbie Richard worry that they’ve forgotten how to interact with their daughters, due to the pressures of modern life. Here’s a way – deprive them of any other company at all! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Guests include Academy award-winner Whoopi Goldberg, and Harry Potter star Jason Isaacs. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: California Man (1992) Starring Brendan Fraser. Comedy. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: Timewatch – Captain Cook: The Man Behind The Legend 2.10 MasterChef 3.10 Axe The Agent? 4.10 BBC News

6.00am Children’s television 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.15pm Put Your Money Where Your House Is 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Bridge Of Time (1997) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 The Dogs 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm Live European Tour Golf: Estoril Open De Portugal 2.00 LIVE International Cricket 7.00 LIVE International Cricket 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00am LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu Chefs representing one of eight British regions will compete to make a starter, a fish course, a main course and a dessert for the judges. Yum. 7.00 Grand National Preview Clare Balding is at Aintree to look ahead to the greatest steeplechase in the world, the John Smith’s Grand National. 7.30 Mastermind The subjects are the novels of George Orwell, Gram Parsons, Italian politics and Shostakovich. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. 9.00 Top Dogs: Adventures In War, Sea And Ice Top Dogs: Adventures in War, Sea and Ice. Exactly that. 10.00 Genius Comedy series where Dave Gorman and a celebrity guest chew over the ridiculous, unworkable but sometimes genius inventions, schemes and policies pitched by members of the public. Dave’s guest is celebrated actor Jonathan Pryce. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Roundtable arts discussion series. 11.35 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series. Stringer teaches D’Angelo how to run his crew with cold, cynical efficiency. 12.35am Medium (x2) 2.00 FILM: The Brighton Strangler (1945)

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Chas has a momentous decision to make in her relationship with Paddy. 7.30 Coronation Street See highlights. 8.00 Your Missing Billions: Tonight Around 15 billion pounds is languishing in unclaimed pensions, bank accounts, insurance policies and share dividends. Jonathan Maitland investigates why so many are missing out on their money and travels to hand over thousands of pounds to the rightful owners. Hope it’s you. 8.30 Coronation Street Kirk’s announcement leaves Julie gutted. 9.00 Moving Wallpaper Jonathan throws a party to celebrate the completion of zombie drama Renaissance, but Nancy, hating to see Jonathan’s success, decides to shelve the show. Gadzooks! 9.30 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder More laughs with Al’s sketch show comedy. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Pushing Daisies Quirky US drama series. Vivian hires three rival detectives who turn out to be forensic experts from Norway. 11.35 FILM: Missing (1982) Starring Jack Lemmon. Political drama. 1.40am FILM: Deliver Us From Eva (2003) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 In Your Dreams 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Science Scams 12.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.45 FILM: Siege At Red River (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste finds Amy in a cleaning frenzy and has to make a hasty phone call. Um. To Josh perhaps? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World See highlights. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? David and Diane have £180,000 pounds to invest in a holiday home, either in Dorset’s Lyme Bay or Tampa Bay, Florida. Time for a spot of shopping. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon Ramsay’s series travels to the United States. Gordon visits Casa Roma, a familyrun Californian restaurant where the bar is popular but the food is not. Maybe there’s your clue right there. 10.00 FILM: The Ringer (2005) Starring Johnny Knoxville, Brian Cox, Katherine Heigl. Madcap physical comedy ensues when an able-bodied man pretends to be disabled in order to sweep the board at the Special Olympics and clean up at the bookies. 11.50 The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 12.25am 4 Music: JD Set Presents: Broken Family Band 12.40 4Play: Little Lost David 12.55 Dubplate 1.20 Rockfeedback 1.45 Ironman 2.10 Volvo Ocean Race 3.05 Trans World Sport 3.55 Time Team 4.50 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Joey discovers the root of VJ’s bad behaviour. His dad’s banged up? 6.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Mobil 1 The Grid Motor sport action from the biggest racing series around the world. 8.00 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS Drama series based on the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The lead suspect in an ongoing Navy drug-smuggling investigation turns up dead, apparently mauled by his own dog. Military top brass consider the case closed, but Abby is convinced that the dog is innocent. Lovely pooch. 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama series about a maths genius recruited by the FBI. The team is drawn into the hunt for an undercover agent who has gone missing in Chinatown. 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series following the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. The team struggles to see the pattern in a series of erratic and disorganised murders. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 Darts: Premier League 1.30pm The Dogs 2.00 WWE Special 3.00 WWE Raw 5.00 Live European Tour Golf 7.00 Off The Bar 7.30 Big League Weekend 8.30 Barclays Premier League World 9.00 Tight Lines 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Off The Bar

Sky Sports 3 9.30am The Dogs 10.00 Powder Adventures 10.30 UAE Motor Racing Championship 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 UAE Motor Racing Championship 1.30 LIVE Test Cricket 6.00 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 British Ice Hockey 3.30 NFL: Total Access 4.30 Tight Lines

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops (x2) 12.00am FILM: Big Daddy (1999) 1.45 Road Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 The Real Hustle 8.20 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.30 EastEnders Revealed 9.30 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 EastEnders Revealed 12.00am Family Guy (x2) 12.45 Horne And Corden 1.15 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Jazz 625 8.00 Dido And Aeneas 9.00 Sissinghurst (x2) 10.00 Arena: Cool 11.00 Jazz 625 11.35 Mad Men 12.25am Arena: Cool 1.25 Jazz 625 (x2) 2.25 Dido And Aeneas 3.25 Sissinghurst (x2) 5.30 Close

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Holiday Showdown 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 American Idol 10.00 FM (x6) 1.00am Coronation Street

10.55am Cadfael 12.35pm Heartbeat 1.40 Ballykissangel 2.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.55 The Blackheath Poisonings 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Flashpoint 10.00 FILM: Reds (1981) 1.45am Liverpool One

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.30 One Tree Hill 3.20 Gilmore Girls 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 TV Adverts’ Greatest Hits, See highlights. 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Are The Filthy Fulfords Now? 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 FILM: Jagged Edge (1985) 12.10am Grand Designs

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 CSI 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Last Of The Summer Wine 5.40 One Foot In The Grave 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.40 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.20 My Family 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.05 Jonathan Creek 11.25 The New Statesman 12.00am One Foot In The Grave 12.40 Open All Hours

1.00pm Frasier (x2) 2.00 The Office: An American Workplace (x2) 3.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 Scrubs (x2) 12.00am Celebrity Death Match

1.00pm Forensic Detectives 2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Storm Chasers 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Sea Of Souls 9.15 FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006) 11.05 FILM: Cape Fear (1962) 1.35am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

10.45am Too Late The Hero (1970) 1.00pm Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 2.45 The Top 10 Show 3.00 Sweet Charity (1969) 5.30 The Black Swan (1942) 7.00 Lover Come Back (1961) 9.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 11.15 The Collector (1965) 1.20am The Purple Heart (1944)

1.35pm The Movie Geek 2.05 A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 3.55 The General (1998) 6.05 The Counterfeiters (2007) 7.45 Sky Movies Special 8.00 Raising Arizona (1987) 9.40 Sky Movies Special 10.00 Fargo (1996) 11.45 Sky Movies Special 12.00am Into The Wild (2007)

1.00pm Victim (1961) 3.00 Innocents In Paris (1953) 4.45 The Gift Horse (1952) 6.50 Timeline (2003) 9.00 Mission: Impossible III (2006) Tom Cruise performs loads of stunts for director JJ Abrams, clashing with baddie Philip Seymour Hoffman. 11.20 Big Nothing (2006) 1.05am La Cienaga (2000)

9.50am Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 11.20 At The Circus (1939) 1.00pm The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 3.00 Lucky Me (1954) 5.00 Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 7.10 Charro! (1969) 9.00 A Star Is Born (1976) 11.40 Overnight Delivery (1996) 1.15am The Screening Room 1.45 A Star Is Born (1976)

Classics

Indie

035_LS417_TV_sat

3/26/09

5:50 PM

Page 1

saturday 4 Robin Hood BBC1, 6.25pm Oh, that Sheriff of Nottingham is a dreadful one! He’s only gone and sold the local village men to Irish warriors in search of a new army. If they can’t look after the first one they certainly shouldn’t be getting a new one made up of Robin’s pals. Plus, Robin can’t really help much as he gets captured. Will it all end in tears?

Primeval ITV1, 6.55pm It’s creepy and it’s spooky: it’s a haunted house. Except with this lot you know it’s gonna be an actual monster and not one your mother says will go away as soon as you close the closet door. In fact, it wouldn’t help if you had the door wide open or closed as this thing can camouflage itself. They never saw it coming.

Japan: A Story Of Love And Hate BBC4, 10pm An unusual love story from the recession in this documentary. 56-year-old Naoki used to have it all in the 90s boom, but when the recession hit he lost everything. Saved by his younger girlfriend, they live in her one room apartment working all the hours just to get by. Ain’t love grand?

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Malaysian Grand Prix – Qualifying 11.30 A Question Of Sport 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Grand National 5.05 BBC News 5.20 Regional News And Weather 5.25 Hole In The Wall 5.55 My Family

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Funky Fables 7.15 Eliot Kid 7.25 Three Delivery 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Who Wants To Be A Superhero? 9.55 Bernard 10.00 Dani’s House 10.30 Dani’s House 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Kyle XY 12.45 SuperAgents 1.15 Sound 1.45 Revealed 2.00 Coast 2.05 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 2.35 Psych 3.15 Psych 4.00 Flog It! 4.30 Final Score 5.20 Natural World 6.10 Monty Halls’ Great Escape Marine biologist and professional diver Monty Halls turns his back on city life to become a 21st Century beachcomber on the west coast of Scotland. Sideparting, sir? 7.10 Planet Earth Documentary series that celebrates our planet. This episode travels across the planet, following the influence of the sun and discovering how its seasonal journey affects the lives of all creatures. 8.10 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. The platoon is chosen for special duties during the testing of a secret weapon. 8.40 Timewatch: In Shackleton’s Footsteps A small group of British men have some unfinished family business in Antarctica. Something about getting to the South Pole. 9.40 FILM: Five Minutes Of Heaven (2009) Starring Liam Neeson, James Nesbitt. Two men must face their past if they are to face the future in this tense and powerful award-winning drama that explores the legacy of violence in Northern Ireland. 11.05 Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime Alan Whicker travels the world on a journey reflecting his varied career. 12.05am FILM: The Final Curtain (2002) 1.20 Mad Men 2.10 FILM: Tears Of The Black Tiger (2000)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Supernormal 9.55 Planet Sketch 10.10 Tricky Quickies 10.15 Finger Tips 10.20 FILM: Charlotte’s Web 2: Wilbur’s Great Adventure (2003) 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm FILM: Murder, She Wrote: The Last Free Man (2001) 1.40 Rosemary And Thyme 3.40 FILM: A Cinderella Story (2004) 5.25 Meridian News And Weather 5.40 ITV News And Weather 5.55 New You’ve Been Framed!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 4SPORT: The Highlander Challenge World Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.50 Friends 10.20 Friends 10.50 Katy Perry’s Top 20 Girls You Don’t Wanna Mess With 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 3.30 The TV Show 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.25 Harry Hill’s TV Burp In the last show of the series, the irreverent Harry Hill seeks out more outlandish televisual gems from the usual suspects. Never mind that – what we really want to know is who’s going to fight! 6.55 Primeval See highlights. 7.55 The Colour Of Money Chris Tarrant and Millie Clode host the most stressful gameshow on TV. Stressful because it requires no skill and no charisma, so if you lose it just means God doesn’t like you. 8.55 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) Starring Nicole Kidman, Sean Penn. Crime thriller. When a United Nations interpreter overhears a plot to assassinate the leader of an African state, a secret service agent is assigned to investigate. To say there might be wild dashes across European cityscapes wouldn’t be much of a risk. 11.15 ITV News; Weather 11.30 FILM: My Little Eye (2002) Starring Kris Lemche, Stephen O’Reilly. Fuelled by the advent of both Big Brother and Blair Witch, this horror looks at what people will do for fame and money. 1.15am FILM: To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) Oscar-winning adaptation of Harper Lee’s novel about events in a prejudiced Southern town in the 1930s. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Dinner party reality programme. The final day of the competition in Manchester arrives and club manager Stuart Burke hopes to win the top prize with a modern British menu. Many spuds. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 FILM: The Day After Tomorrow (2004) Starring Dennis Quaid, Jake Gyllenhaal, Emmy Rossum, Dash Mihok and Jay Sanders. Sci-fi drama following the efforts of a climatologist on a mission to save the world from an immediate threat of global warming while also trying to reach his son in New York. How hard it is to balance work and homelife in a global catastrophe. 9.20 FILM: An Inconvenient Truth (2006) Award-winning documentary from former US Vice-President Al Gore, offering a chilling glimpse of the possible impact of global warming on the future of the planet. Scary watching at the best of times, let alone after tonight’s previous film. 11.10 FILM: Black Book (2006) Starring Carice van Houten, Sebastian Koch. World War II resistance thriller. A Jewish heroine disguises herself as a blonde and infiltrates the local Gestapo HQ for the Dutch resistance and revenge. 1.50am FILM: South Central LA (1992) 3.35 Supporting Acts 3.50 Time Team 4.40 Reasons To Be Cheerful 4.50 Countdown 5.35 Inuk 5.50 Hoobs

6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Animal Families 8.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 The Gadget Show 11.30 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green 12.30pm Ice Road Truckers 1.30 Mean Machines 2.00 FILM: Monkeybone (2001) 3.40 FILM: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) 5.25 Five News 5.35 FILM: Khartoum (1966) 7.45 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. Teenagers find a set of dog tags in a national forest and the team’s initial search of the area leads them to suspect a serial killer preying on women could be at large. Ya think?! 8.40 NCIS Drama series. A student at Quantico holds his classmates hostage after strapping a bomb to his body, but Gibbs and his team suspect the teenager is not acting alone. Is there someone else inside that Semtax, then? Must be wee. 9.40 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The CSIs piece together a human jigsaw when the body parts of a murdered wrestling coach are found all over the city. Elsewhere, Flack is in the frame when a young suspect dies during questioning. But he played fun-loving Tag in Friends! Flack can’t be bad. 10.40 Law And Order Crime drama. A wealthy businessman is murdered and suspicion falls on the man who was having an affair with his wife. But the trial collapses when the wife is killed before she can testify. 11.40 Crime Scene Academy Doc following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass for CSIs. 12.10am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 House Doctor (x2)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.25 Robin Hood See highlights. 7.10 The Total Wipeout Awards Richard Hammond hosts a special edition of Total Wipeout to celebrate the highs, the lows, the biggest splashes and the most extreme smashes of the first series of the UK’s most action-packed and silliest game show. There’s fierce competition for such a title. 8.00 The National Lottery: 1 Vs 100 Ben Shephard hosts the quiz show in which one hopeful contestant takes on 100 opponents in a bid to win a big cash prize. Plus a chance to hope and dream that you’ve won dosh. 8.50 Casualty Medical drama. Jordan struggles to conceal his symptoms, and makes a decision about his ongoing condition. Adam deals with a challenging patient in the cubicles, and Tess makes a discovery. Gold in them thar cubicles! 9.40 BBC News 10.00 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces all the goals and highlights from the day’s Premier League fixtures. 11.25 Grand National Highlights Rishi Persad presents highlights of the John Smith’s Grand National. 11.55 FILM: Metro (1997) Starring Eddie Murphy, Michael Wincott, Michael Rapaport. Action thriller. 1.45am Weatherview 1.50 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Tight Lines 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 Live Super 14 Rugby Union 9.30 Live Super 14 Rugby Union 11.30 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00pm International Cricket 2.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00am LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Friday Fight Night 9.00 WWE Special 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 1.30 Volvo Ocean Race 2.00 Live European Tour Golf 6.00 WWE Smackdown 8.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 8.30 WWE Special 9.30 The Super 14 Show 11.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 3.00 WWE Hall Of Fame 4.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 4.30 NFL: Total Access 5.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Football’s A Funny Old Game 12.30 Oops TV 1.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 2.00 Bones 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 Gladiators 6.00 The Simpsons (x4) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 24 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Street Wars 2.40 The Villa

7.00pm The Real Hustle 7.15 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 7.25 Snog Marry Avoid? 7.55 Top Gear 9.00 Live At The Apollo 9.40 Being Human (x3) 12.40am Being Human Unearthed 1.40 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 2.40 Snog Marry Avoid? 3.10 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive

7.00pm Legends 8.00 Legends 9.00 Arena: Cool 10.00 Japan: A Story Of Love And Hate. See highlights. 11.00 40 Minutes 11.40 FILM: The Twilight Samurai (2002) 1.50am Legends 2.50 Legends 5.30 Close

12.35pm Coleen’s Real Women 1.35 Gossip Girl 2.35 Planet’s Funniest Animals 3.10 American Idol (x2) 5.25 FILM: Grease 2 (1982) 7.40 McFly: The Hot Desk 7.55 New Homes From Hell 2009 8.55 The Justin Lee Collins Show 9.55 FILM: Love Actually (2003) 12.40am Fast & Furious: New Model, Original Parts

12.15pm Micawber 1.20 FILM: SOS Titanic (1979) 3.30 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 4.35 My Uncle Silas 5.35 Goodnight Sweetheart (x2) 6.50 Sherlock Holmes 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Taggart 10.35 Cracker 11.45 FILM: Anna Karenina (1997) 1.40am The Railway Children 3.20 Goodnight Sweetheart

10.55am Dark Angel (x2) 12.40pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.55 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 The 100 Greatest Scary Moments 11.10 Roy Chubby Brown: Britain’s Rudest Comedian 12.15am Scrubs (x2) 1.15 Dark Angel

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.35pm FILM: The Kentuckian (1955) 3.35 Grand Designs Revisited (x4) 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Engineering Ancient Egypt 11.10 Brian Clough: In His Own Words 12.10am The West Wing 1.10 Engineering Ancient Egypt 3.10 Brian Clough: In His Own Words 4.10 Close

10.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (X2) 9.00 Criminal Minds (x3) 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

6.00am Charlie’s Angels 7.00 The Two Ronnies 8.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x18) 8.00pm The Vicar Of Dibley 9.15 Jonathan Creek 10.45 Jonathan Creek 12.00am The Vicar Of Dibley 1.15 Absolutely Fabulous 2.10 Charlie’s Angels 3.00 Home Shopping

2.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 3.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 4.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 5.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 9.00 South Park (x16) 5.00am Taxi (x2)

2.00pm The Great Egyptians 3.00 Crime Scene Australia 4.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 5.00 Nextworld 6.00 Against The Elements 7.00 Storm Chasers 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Ten Commandments Of The Mafia 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Sanctuary 1.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Volcano (2004) 2.40 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 4.30 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 6.30 Ghost Stories 7.00 Haunted Homes 8.00 Eli Stone 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 11.50 FILM: The Snake King (2005)

10.20am Duel In The Sun (1946) 12.35pm The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 2.35 A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (1945) 4.50 Carousel (1956) 7.00 Roman Holiday (1953) 9.00 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 10.55 The Wild One (1953) 12.20am Custer Of The West (1968) 2.50 Cape Fear (1962)

9.30am The Singer (2006) 11.30 Waitress (2007) 1.25pm Mumford (1999) 3.25 Sky Movies Special 3.40 Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 5.55 The Good German (2005) 7.45 Across The Universe (2007) 10.00 Waitress (2007) 11.50 Summer Of Sam (1999) 2.20am The Movie Geek

1.00pm Timeline (2003) 3.10 Once Upon A Time (1944) 4.55 The League Of Gentlemen (1960) 7.10 The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (1995) 9.00 Resident Evil (2002) Milla Jovovich stars in the monster game film. 10.55 The Blair Witch Project (1999) 12.35am Glue (2006)

7.00am Thunder Over The Plains (1953) 8.25 The Winter’s Tale 11.35 Bonnie Scotland (1935) 1.00pm Bachelor In Paradise (1961) 3.00 The Go-Between (1970) 5.10 Where The Spies Are (1965) 7.15 Soylent Green (1973) 9.00 The Hand (1981) 10.55 Lone Star (1996) 1.30am The Hand (1981)

Classics

Indie

036_LS417_TV_sun

3/27/09

9:58 AM

Page 1

sunday 5 Come Dine With Me Channel 4, 8pm The dinner party competition stops pretending to have any semblance of hosting regular nights in with your mates, and brings in the most competitive foodies yet. With the Teeside hosts including flash local DJ Wayne Allen and perfectionist gourmet Jayne Laverick, blenders will fly for the cash prize.

Piers Morgan’s Life Stories ITV1, 10pm A one-hour interview with everyone’s favourite teatime foot-in-mouther Richard Madeley. Covering his first wife, his affairs, the beatings he took from his father and the shoplifting charges that nearly ruined him, as well as contributions from the missus Judy Finnigan, it’s comprehensive and tells all.

Being Human Unearthed BBC3, 10.45pm Behind the scenes for a whole hour, with interviews from the cast Aiden Turner, Russell Tovey and Lenora Crichlow, as well as more than a bit of a natter from Jason Watkins, aka head vamp Herrick, and other supporting actors. The biggie however is series creator Toby Whithouse having his say. Go Toby!

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 6.35 Match Of The Day 8.00 The Andrew Marr Show 9.00 The Malaysian Grand Prix 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.40 EastEnders 4.10 After You’ve Gone 4.40 Points Of View 4.55 BBC News 5.10 Regional News And Weather 5.20 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Three Delivery 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 MI High 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 1.45 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 2.15 Rugby League 4.20 Rugby League

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Captain Mack 9.40 Horrid Henry 9.55 Tricky TV 10.25 Bernard 10.40 Finger Tips 10.45 The Championship 11.45 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.35pm ITV News And Weather 1.40 FILM: Small Soldiers (1997) 3.45 FILM: Dr No (1962) 5.50 Meridian News And Weather

6.00 – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Build A New Life In The Country – Was It Worth It? 12.00pm Megastructures 1.00 FILM: The Ambushers (1967) 3.00 FILM: Inside Out (1975) 4.50 FILM: The Searchers (1956)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.30 Sunday Supplement 9.30 Goals On Sunday 10.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 1.00pm LIVE Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00am LIVE Test Cricket

6.30 The Hairy Bakers The Hairy Bikers, Dave and Si, set off for the Henley Royal Regatta, and on their journey they fill their hampers with cakes and treats made along the way. 6.45 10 Things You Didn’t Know About Earthquakes Iain Stewart explores some of the world’s most dramatic earthquakes and reveals the stories and science behind them. 7.45 Top Gear Vietnam Special Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May visit Vietnam and are told to travel the entire length of the country in just eight days, thereby achieving what the American military failed to do in ten years. First they must each buy suitable transport for the trip, but the several million dong they have in their pockets prove to be rather less money than they thought. 9.00 Yes We Can! The Lost Art Of Oratory Yes We Can! The Lost Art Of Oratory. Just say it again with us and you’ll get the gist. 10.10 Match Of The Day 2 Highlights of today’s matches. 11.00 Beyond Boundaries: Where Are They Now? Documentary. Ex-SAS major and expedition leader Ken Hames catches up with the physically disabled team members from second and third series of Beyond Boundaries. 12.00am The Graham Norton Show Uncut 12.45 Heroes 1.30 FILM: Stickmen (2001) 3.05 News

6.05 ITV News; Weather 6.20 FILM: Robots (2005) Starring Ewan McGregor, Robin Williams and Halle Berry. CGI-animated comedy following the adventures of an idealistic young inventor who comes to Robot City to make it big. In the process he becomes embroiled in the plans of an evil corporation to upgrade the population and scrap those who refuse. Everyone needs to meet an evil corporation when they get into town – it’s like a welcome wagon for the big city. 8.00 Lewis Lewis and Hathaway are called in to investigate when religious fanatic Steven Mullan is found scalded and drowned in his bath. Mullan had been imprisoned for attempting to murder celebrity atheist Tom Rattenbury, and had only recently been released. Obviously the many murky secrets of said celeb start getting in Lewis’ way. Grr. 10.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories See highlights. 11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 ABBA: The Mamma Mia! Story Documentary about Mamma Mia!, the hit jukebox musical inspired by the music of ABBA. 12.15am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.15 The Big Tackle With Austin Healey 2.10 The Cosby Mysteries 3.00 You Could Be Rich: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 Freesports On 4 8.25 Freesports On 4 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.40 Friends 2.10 The Big Bang Theory 2.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.45 The Simpsons 4.20 The Simpsons 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.45 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 7.30 Channel 4 News 8.00 Come Dine With Me See highlights. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Series in which a millionaire goes undercover in a deprived area in the hope of changing someone’s life with a generous gift of their own hardearned money. Jennifer Cheyne, the owner of an Edinburgh-based hairdressing empire, visits the former mining village of Aberfan, Wales. 10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night A weekly topical entertainment show where Chris Moyles and three guests compete in a quiz about the week’s events. This week’s guests are Jerry Springer, Davina McCall and Alan Carr, with quiz master Melanie Brown. There’s a motley crew out to spot the latest figures in Obama’s retreat from Iraq. 10.50 FILM: Kiss Of The Dragon (2001) Starring Jet Li, Bridget Fonda, Tcheky Karyo, Ric Young, Burt Kwouk. Action thriller about a Chinese cop who is trying to bust a drug ring in Paris when he is betrayed by a corrupt colleague. Forced to flee into an unfamiliar and dangerous city, he is helped in his quest by an American prostitute. No nice girls allowed. 12.40am FILM: Sophie Scholl (2005) 2.55 Supporting Acts 3.10 Hill Street Blues 3.55 In Your Dreams 4.10 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Joanna Lumley In The Land Of The Northern Lights Documentary in which Joanna Lumley travels to Norway’s Far North to pursue a life-long dream of seeing the Northern Lights. 7.00 Countryfile Matt Baker and Julia Bradbury mark the 60th anniversary of landmark legislation that created our national parks. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team head to Oxburgh Hall in Norfolk. 9.00 The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency Drama. Mma Pekwane suspects her husband has bought a stolen car. Mma Ramotswe offers some creative advice, which involves a foray into auto theft. Mma Makutsi embarks on her first case, full of undercover operations, high-speed car chases and quick getaways. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Damages Acclaimed legal drama. In the wake of Uncle Pete’s suicide attempt, Patty begins to make out Walter’s complex energy scheme. 11.00 FILM: Kramer Vs Kramer (1979) Starring Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep, Justin Henry. Oscarwinning drama about a bitter custody battle. You’re gonna cry. 12.40am The Sky At Night 1.00 Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: The Planners Are Coming 1.35 Holby City 2.35 All The Small Things 3.35 Axe The Agent? 4.35 BBC News

7.05 Five News 7.10 FILM: Mr Deeds (2002) Starring Adam Sandler, Winona Ryder and John Turturro. Goofy comedy set in New York about a pizzeria owner who inherits a vast fortune from a distant relative. However, the dead man’s unscrupulous former associates are determined to part the small-town simpleton from his newly acquired wealth. Wide-eyed goodness and deeply dastardly make a welcome return to the movies. 9.00 FILM: Fun With Dick And Jane (2005) Starring Jim Carrey, Tea Leoni, Alec Baldwin. Satirical update of the 1970s comic caper about a couple who resort to crime when the husband’s company goes bankrupt through mismanagement and he loses his job. Nothing relatable to the current climate there then. Released just before everyone started feeling the pinch. 10.45 FILM: Stir Crazy (1980) Starring Gene Wilder, Richard Pryor, Georg Brown. Manic comedy in which two losers from New York, heading for a better life in California, are wrongly convicted of a bank robbery and are given 120-year jail terms. Them’s the breaks. 12.55am Winter X Games 1.45 Boxing Classic 2.15 Boxing USA 3.30 FIM Motocross 4.20 Race And Rally UK 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 House Doctor (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE International Cricket 12.00pm LIVE International Cricket 5.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 6.00 WWE Experience 7.00 Golf Night 8.00 LIVE LPGA Golf 11.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 4.00 Spanish Football

Sky Sports 3 6.00am WWE Special 7.00 WWE Hall Of Fame 8.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 8.30 WWE: Afterburn 9.30 WWE Vintage Collection 10.30 Powder Adventures 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm WWE Wrestlemania 12.30 WWE Special: Hall Of Fame 1.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 2.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 8.30 Wild Spirits 9.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 9.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 10.30 WWE Special: Hall Of Fame 11.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 12.00am Tennis: ATP Masters 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Wrestlemania Preview 12.30 Futurama 1.00 Oops TV (x2) 2.00 Hello Goodbye 3.00 Bones 4.00 Futurama (x3) 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Gladiators: Champion Of Champions 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Fringe 11.10 Night Cops (x2) 1.10am Road Wars (x2) 3.00 The Villa

7.00pm Formula 1: The Malaysian Grand Prix 8.00 EastEnders Revealed 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Being Human Unearthed. See highlights. 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.15am Horne And Corden

7.00pm Humph’s Last Stand 7.50 Oscar Peterson And Andre Previn: Omnibus 9.00 Andre Previn: All The Right Notes 10.00 Fish! A Japanese Obsession 11.30 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 12.00am Andre Previn: All The Right Notes 1.00 Natural World (x3) 3.30 Andre Previn: All The Right Notes 5.30 Close

11.45am FILM: Police Academy 4 (1987) 1.25pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.45 Animals Do The Funniest Things 2.45 FILM: Grease 2 (1982) 5.00 Gossip Girl 6.00 Coronation Street Omnibus 8.00 Primeval 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) 12.10am FM 12.40 Celebrity Juice

11.35am FILM: The Adventures Of Pinocchio (1995) 1.20pm The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death (x2) 3.40 The Railway Children 5.50 Poirot 8.00 The Story Of The Costume Drama 9.00 FILM: Anna Karenina (1997) 11.10 Ladies Of Letters 11.40 City Lights 12.40am Poirot

11.00am How To Look Good Naked USA 11.30 Beauty And The Geek 12.25pm Kevin Hill 1.15 Ugly Betty 2.10 Joan Of Arcadia (x2) 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Sex And The City (x2)

1.55pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.40 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 Jamie At Home 8.00 River Cottage Spring 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 The World’s Biggest Family And Me 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.50 Deal Or No Deal

10.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 Passport Patrol (x8) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Pop Goes The Band 9.00 Criminal Minds (x3) 12.00am Ghost Hunters International 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

6.00am Charlie’s Angels 7.00 The Two Ronnies 8.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x18) 8.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 9.20 Jonathan Creek 10.40 Absolutely Fabulous (x3) 1.35am The Vicar Of Dibley 2.10 Charlie’s Angels 3.00 Home Shopping

12.00pm World War II: The Complete History (x3) 3.00 Extreme Loggers (x3) 6.00 Against The Elements 7.00 Ways To Save The Planet 8.00 Hitler’s Generals 9.00 The Great Nazi Cash Swindle 10.00 Treasure Quest 11.00 Serial Killers 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 Crime Museum UK (x2)

11.00am Haunted Homes 12.00pm Blackbeard (x2) 3.50 Star Trek 5.00 FILM: Storm Seekers (2008) 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 10.50 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 12.40am FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 2.20 Ghost Stories 3.00 Dead Like Me 4.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed (2004)

8.45am The Robe (1953) 11.05 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 12.45pm Flaming Star (1960) 2.20 Twelve O’Clock High (1949) 4.35 The Robe (1953) 6.55 The War Lord (1965) 9.00 Twelve O’Clock High (1949) 11.15 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 12.55am Arabesque (1966)

9.00am The Serpent (2006) 11.05 Year Of The Dog (2007) 12.45pm Tumbleweeds (1999) 2.30 Breaking And Entering (2006) 4.30 Year Of The Dog (2007) 6.15 Tumbleweeds (1999) 8.00 Black Snake Moan (2006) 10.00 Rescue Dawn (2006) 12.05am Quadrophenia (1979)

1.00pm Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 2.50 The North Star (1943) 4.55 A Walk In The Clouds (1995) 6.55 Congo (1995) 9.00 Changing Lanes (2001) Ben Affleck and Samuel L Jackson get into more than a simple fender bender. 10.50 9th Company (2005) 1.30am Nurse Betty (2000)

9.50am The Naked Hills (1956) 11.10 Critic’s Choice (1963) 1.00pm The Double Man (1967) 3.00 Falling In Love (1984) 5.05 The Prize (1963) 7.35 Cavalry Scout (1951) 9.00 Losing Isaiah (1995) 11.05 In Love And War (1996) 1.20am Losing Isaiah (1995) 3.20 Abbott And Costello In Hollywood (1945)

Classics

Indie

037_LS417_TV_mon

3/27/09

9:56 AM

Page 1

monday 6 Law & Order UK ITV1, 9pm Very tricky tonight, as prosecutors James Steel and Alesha Phillips step into court to battle the case against gynaecologist Dr Alec Marrick of assaulting one of his patients during a routine exam. It’s one person’s word against another’s, and the case is thin with emotions running high. Ethical prosecutions rock.

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle BBC2, 10pm Stewart Lee does not hold back, which may explain his absence from our screens for the past ten years. He’s good though. Tonight he’s picking apart the global financial crisis and tries to work out how we got into this fine mess. His vitriol will be poisoned and tongue sharpened. Fab.

Samantha Who? E4, 10pm The comic amnesiac is on to her second series, and with the best intentions to not be the nasty person she used to be; stealing back her old boyfriend – like she did at the end of the first series – does not make her Miss Squeaky Clean. So single life beckons and she’s going on a date with a rock star. As we all do at some point.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Something Special - Out And About 7.20 Mister Maker 7.40 Carrie And David’s Popshop 8.00 Arthur 8.15 Frankenstein’s Cat 8.25 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.45 The Secret Show 9.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.30 Best Of Friends 10.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 11.00 FILM: Herbie Rides Again (1974) 12.25pm Coast 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 A Question Of Genius 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the daily quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu Presented by Jennie Bond. Yum! 7.00 Escaping North Korea: This World The dramatic stories of North Koreans who are risking everything to escape the repression and hunger of their homeland and reach safety in the South. 8.00 Railway Walks Julia Bradbury takes a series of walks following the old tracks, overgrown cuttings and ancient viaducts. 8.30 Grow Your Own Drugs Series exploring plant-based natural remedies and beauty treatments. Ethno-botanist James Wong shows you how to grow and transform common vegetables into treatments. 9.00 Heroes Drama series about people with newly discovered superpowers. Hailed by many as back to the form of series one, Sylar meets his long-lost dad. Sparks will fly. 9.45 That Mitchell And Webb Glimpse Highlights from the second series of the comedy sketch show That Mitchell and Webb Look. 10.00 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.25 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series. Fabbo stuff if you can undertand the accent. 12.25am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Science – Physics

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.25 Will And Grace 9.50 Brothers And Sisters 10.45 Without A Trace 11.40 Checking Into History 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 In Your Dreams 12.45 Back To You 1.10 FILM: Little Women (1994) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa takes Anita to confront Lauren in order to stop her spreading lies. She’s not very nice, really. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Dispatches: Afghanistan – Mission Impossible? Stephen Grey interviews the senior military commanders in charge of the British campaign in Afghanistan to find out whether the troops involved are engaged in an impossible mission. 9.00 Henry VIII: Mind Of A Tyrant Dr David Starkey presents a four-part biography on the mind of Henry VIII. In the opening episode, Starkey studies the dramatic events of Henry’s childhood that shaped his personality and attitude to kingship. 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Someone with a lot of dosh visits people who haven’t got much. A repeat of Sunday’s show. 11.05 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night A weekly topical entertainment show. Repeat of Sunday’s show. 11.55 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the comedy panel show. 12.25am The Gangster And The Pervert Peer 1.30 Coming Up: The Trial 2.00 MESH: Covert 2.05 FILM: The Match (1999) 3.40 Grudge Match 3.50 Howard Goodall’s Great Dates 4.50 Time Team 5.40 Grabbit The Rabbit 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Monkey Life 12.15pm Monkey Life 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.00 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Last Cowboy (2003) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Martha reveals she has bought Geoff and Annie’s old farm. She better not turn into an intolerant bigot. 6.30 Monkey Life Work begins on the gibbon rescue centre in Vietnam. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.25 Mad For Dance Series exploring how dance has helped the lives of people with mental health problems. Danielle has found a way to cope with her problems through flamenco dance. Tactful title, that. 7.30 How Do They Do It? The team visits a salt mine in Canada; gets to grips with a hovercraft; and learns about the technology used in trainers. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. 9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Robson heads to Australia to catch some of the most exotic creatures he has yet encountered. And the fish aren’t bad either. F’nar. 10.00 Extraordinary People: Freak Show Family Series of documentaries exploring remarkable stories of human experience. 11.05 FILM: Not Another Teen Movie (2001) Starring Chyler Leigh, Chris Evans, Jaime Pressly. Comedy spoof of teen high-school movies. 12.45am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.35 USPGA Golf 2.25 AMA Supercross 3.15 Arenacross 4.05 IndyCar 4.25 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Watchdog The latest consumer news and advice. 8.00 EastEnders Stacey delivers some home truths to Ronnie. Everyone does that. Why should she listen to Stacey any more than the rest of Albert Square? 8.30 Panorama Panorama goes undercover in the millionaires’ playground of Dubai to look at luxury developments endorsed by UK celebrities. 9.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Kindertransport Story The Kindertransport story of Jewish refugee children that came to the UK just before the outbreak of WWII. 11.05 Inside Sport Gabby Logan hosts the show that features big interviews, films and lively opinion from the world of sport. 11.35 FILM: View From The Top (2001) Starring Gwyneth Paltrow. Romantic comedy centred on the dream of a small-town girl, who wants to become a flight attendant. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 2.05 Trouble In Amish Paradise 3.05 MasterChef 3.35 Axe The Agent? 4.35 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley and Laurel feel guilty after they argue with Sandy and he leaves the vicarage. 7.30 Coronation Street Tony is frustrated by news from the private investigator. What – that he done it? 8.00 Taking On The Taxman: Tonight As the new tax year begins, Jonathan Maitland reports on what happens when the taxman gets it wrong. 8.30 Coronation Street Can Peter persuade Michelle to go on a date? Seems to have recovered from near loss of cutest mite on telly then. 9.00 Law & Order: UK See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Al Murray’s Multiple Personality Disorder More laughs with Al Murray’s sketch show comedy. 11.05 Harry Hill’s TV Burp A repeat of the last show of the series from Saturday. 11.35 FILM: A Mighty Wind (2003) Starring Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer. Mockumentary following three 1960s folk bands who reunite for a concert. 1.10am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.40 British Touring Car Championship 2.55 Loose Women 3.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 9.00 Golf: Kraft Nabisco Championship 12.00pm Test Cricket 2.00 Golf Night 3.00 Golf: Kraft Nabisco Championship 6.00 FEI Equestrian World 6.30 The Golf Ireland Show 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 H2O Sports International 10.00 FEI Equestrian World 10.30 The Golf Ireland Show 11.00 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00am LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Squash 8.00 Squash 9.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Powder Adventures 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 3.00 Test Cricket 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Powder Adventures 7.30 FEI Equestrian World 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Bondi Vet 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.30 Road Wars 12.30am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Robin Hood 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Young Mums’ Mansion: The Dads Arrive 1.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.30 Horne And Corden 2.00 The Real Hustle 2.30 EastEnders Revealed

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky At Night 8.00 Chelsea Pensioners: Girls Allowed 8.30 The Book Quiz 9.00 The Rebel Physician: Nicholas Culpeper’s Fight For Medical Freedom 10.00 Spiral 10.50 Spiral 11.40 FILM: Read My Lips (2001) 1.35am Rebel Physician: Nicholas Culpeper’s Fight For Medical Freedom

3.45pm Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy 6.35 America’s Got Talent 8.00 Primeval 9.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) 11.10 Fast & Furious: New Model, Original Parts 11.40 Coronation Street (x2) 12.40am FILM: The Grudge (2004) 2.25 Teleshopping

12.00pm Heartbeat 1.05 Ballykissangel 2.15 Sherlock Holmes 3.20 Cadfael 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Beiderbecke Affair 9.00 Piers Morgan On... 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 City Lights 12.10am Liverpool One 1.10 Jeeves And Wooster 2.05 Cadfael

1.40pm Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Samantha Who?. See highlights. 10.30 FILM: Volcano (1997) 12.30am Scrubs (x2) 1.25 My Name Is Earl

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.05 Backstairs Billy: The Queen Mum’s Butler 12.10am ER

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 America’s Next Top Model 10.00 The Hoff: When Scott Came To Stay 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Paramount

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00pm Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Seven Of One: My Old Man 6.20 My Family 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 9.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.50 The Thin Blue Line 11.30 The New Statesman 12.00am French And Saunders 12.40 The Thin Blue Line

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

2.00pm Crime Museum UK 2.30 Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Mythbusters (x2) 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 The Invisible Man 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Storm Seekers (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 The Invisible Man 7.00 Angel 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Eli Stone 10.00 Medium 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: Spirit Trap (2005)

2.00pm Sweet Charity (1969) 4.30 Too Late The Hero (1970) 6.45 Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 9.00 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 10.50 Lover Come Back (1961) 12.40am I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 2.30 Too Late The Hero (1970)

9.00am The Escapist (2001) 10.35 Factory Girl (2006) 12.20pm The General (1998) 2.30 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 4.35 The Escapist (2001) 6.10 Factory Girl (2006) 7.55 Jindabyne (2006) 10.00 The Savages (2007) 12.00am Happiness (1999) 2.25 The Movie Geek

1.00pm Sailor Beware! (1956) 2.40 The Mudlark (1950) 4.35 In Custody (1993) 7.00 Bad News Bears (1976) 9.00 My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) Uma Thurman doesn’t take her breakup with Luke Wilson well, and she’s a superhero to boot. 10.55 Asylum (2005) 12.50am A Lesson In Love (1954)

9.35am The Star (1952) 11.20 The Oklahoma Kid (1939) 1.00pm The Maltese Falcon (1941) 3.00 The Stalking Moon (1969) 5.05 The Helicopter Spies (1968) 6.55 Mogambo (1953) 9.00 Fathers’ Day (1997) 10.55 Stealing Home (1988) 12.45am Fathers’ Day (1997) 2.45 See You In The Morning (1989)

Classics

Indie