Latest Seven: Issue 420 21-27 Apr by Latest Homes

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4/15/09

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 21 – 27 April 2009

FREE WEEKLY

ice ice baby sussex boy tom avery on life as a polar explorer the greatest love seann walsh on what makes a perfect pub in the loop chris addison on the greatest film noir – ever!

life is a cabaret the hottest acts in the festival head to the parlure spiegeltent page 15

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–11 5 Seann defines the definitive pub 6 Social Diary at the Fitness First launch and win tickets to Brighton Frocks

7 Dani dumps on the fly tippers 8 Alison and her favourite bears; and Will can’t stop talking

9 Celebcity: Brighton Beach Baywatch 10 Bare Cheek’s history of Hove and Astral Angi sets you a challenge

11 Interview: polar explorer Tom Avery

★ latest news 12–14

Welcome T

★ latest listings 21–41 21 Reviews It was on. You missed it. How did it go?

23 Stage There’s a buzz around a fringe theatre

24 Film Chris Addison on In The Loop

26 Comedy The bountiful venues of the fringe

26 Art Pam Glew’s women in moments of fear

27 Kids & Events Find out about that St George fella

27 Books Brighton Poetry Festival rises again

12 News: new fringe venue cancelled and ‘Babes in the Wood‘ mum speaks out

14 Letters: Dani was right about booze 14 Sport: highlights of this cricket season

★ latest lifestyle 15–20 15 On the cover: The Parlure Spiegeltent

28 Music Irish soulman Foy Vance; Shikari gig; the Super Furrys’ latest album Brighton Latest Download Chart

31 Clubs Party at the pizza restaurant/nightclub

Image by Jo Duck Photography. Image shows The Aviator Club’s Anna The Pocket Rocket from Australia

32 Gay

Hotlist: the friendliest fooderies

34 TV

17 Food: Andrew tries The Chimney House

TOP

Artist Romany Bruce on creating Brighton’s Aids Memorial Dani’s not convinced that Britain’s Got Talent; and your seven day TV guide

18 Health: join in Walk to Work Week 19 Pampering for all at Enzo 20 Free places at Happy Days Nursery

28 31

01273 818150

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Sub Editor Patrick O’Donnell Marie Vagen

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writer Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

he Parlure Spiegeltent is one of Brighton’s favourite fringe venues and this year it will be in pride of place in the city, right in the middle of Old Steine. The talented Parlure Spiegeltent team have put together a brilliant programme that includes cabaret, music, circus and family events. See our cover feature on page 15. We had the disappointing news last week that the Sundown Show Bar, which was to set up next to St Peter’s Church, has had to cancel (see news p12) but no doubt the beloved Parlure Spiegeltent will fill the hole for anyone wanting to hang out in an atmospheric outdoor venue. If you fancy venturing into Hove, there will be a new outdoor theatre for the first time in the grounds of The Brunswick pub. The Hive will be run by two former EastEnders actors. Find out more in our stage section (p23). From the pub/theatre to the restaurant/nightclub... in our clubs section, read about the pizzeria that trades in food by day, and international DJs at night (p31). Not all of us at Latest are clubbing types. Seann Walsh is more likely to be found at one of Brighton’s traditional drinking establishments – but he’s very particular about where. In this week’s column he sets out his formula for the perfect pub (p5). Our big interview is with explorer Tom Avery who made history by conquering both the North and South Poles (p11). In film, actor Chris Addison talks to Victoria Nangle about his new film In The Loop, inspired by the hit TV show The Thick of It (p24). Whether you’re male or female, if you fancy a bit of pampering, Enzo in Kemp Town is worth a visit (p19). In music, section editor Jeff Hemmings talks to Irish singer songwriter Foy Vance (p28) and in books, John O’Donoghue looks ahead to the Brighton Poetry Festival (p27). Our guest column in Latest Gay this week is by Romany Mark Bruce, the designer of Brighton’s Aids Memorial (p32). Romany talks about the disasters that have befallen the memorial during construction and his hopes for its future. Finally, we leave you with your free weekly TV guide and Dani’s take on Britain’s Got Talent (p34).

Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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4/15/09

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latest

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005_LS420_Seann/Xword

4/15/09

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SEANN’S WORLD | XWORD 05

Seann Time Please T he pub is probably Britain’s best friend. It’s there for us on Friday nights when only a beer can end the week. It’s there for birthdays, anniversaries and funerals. Thanks to licensing laws, it’s there for us twentyfour hours a day. It’s the meeting point before a night out. It is a night out. It’s a reference point for directions. It can help us, harm us, rescue us and ruin us. We love the pub and, somewhat tragically, it’s what we’re best at. Nowhere in the world matches Britain’s ability to create pleasant environments in which to indulge alcoholism. America’s ‘sports bars’ are cheap imitations; France’s sparsely populated bars are just depressing, with their yellowfingered, forgotten old men and wobbly plastic chairs. It’s no wonder that the rest of the world tries, and mostly fails, to imitate the pub. Many Americans probably don’t realise that there’s nowhere in Dublin called Mickey’s Authentic Irish Pub.

It’s only when you see people getting it so wrong that you realise how hard it is to get right. Pubs have personalities, reflective of their location and clientèle. The pub is almost human; even the best are flawed. The Basketmaker’s Arms is one of the best places in the world, but most of the seats are back-arching stools. The Lewes Arms is a beautiful pub, but it’s full of Lewes people, who mostly look like Wombles who work on a quarry. I’m fussy about pubs. I’ve spent entire evenings jumping from pub to pub, trying to find the right place for that night, and ending up on an accidental pub

“I’m fussy about pubs. I’ve spent entire evenings jumping from pub to pub”

Seann Walsh looks at that Great British institution – the pub, and the rules for success crawl. I am the sort of person who says, after a pint, “Come on, we’re leaving: these tables are too low.” Below is a list of criteria for the perfect pub. • Furniture and Layout: Wooden, elbow-high tables are a must. You shouldn’t ever have to crouch to put your drink down. Chairs should have a back-rest. Ceilings should be low. There shouldn’t be much art either; art is good, but the art in pubs isn’t. • Music: This should always be quiet. The pub is for conversation. This is why DJs should be banned from pubs. DJs are terrible people. They should be banned from everywhere that has electricity. No one goes out with the intention of spending an entire night shouting, “Sorry, could you repeat that please?” • Staff: Friendly, but not too friendly. The best bar staff are able to structure a pleasant conversation to last exactly as long as it takes to pour the drinks (I’m in no position to complain about pub staff – I had the customer service skills of a

vending machine). And no more than three tattoos per member of staff. • Drinks: At least one ale on tap. Decent but inexpensive wine. Any pub that sells Carling isn’t worth it. • Events: Quizzes, open-mic nights, poetry, comedy, film screenings. There’s no limit to the amount of events that pubs offer as a means to outlaw conversation. They should be allowed, but they must be well advertised, so that people know to stay away. I know, it’s all rather fussy. Some people aren’t bothered. But you can’t just settle for any old best friend.

latestcrossword Cryptic 190

solutions on page 30

Quick 190

ACROSS

DOWN

ACROSS

3 Court that holds a murderer (36) 7 Drink drawn from the wood mostly (3) 8 New birth as seen in car development (11) 10 Concerning woman magistrate (5) 11 Bent over from force, it is gathered (7) 13 Sit cosily among the finest leaves (6) 14 Punishment for man in girl’s embrace (6) 17 Home of the Engs? (7) 19 Produce young novice found in cliff recess (5) 20 Pin ears on to get involved in mimicry (11) 22 Recording interrupted by a horrid person (3) 23 Send Dr Sade round to look at whom the letter is for (9)

1 Expression of total defiance not half (9) 2 A bug’s rarely sweet (6-5) 3 Hide in the Arctic once - all right? (7) 4 Objects for skinny girls with no middle (6) 5 There’s a point in loathing undue speed (5) 6 Vehicle twisting in the curve (3) 9 Len and Ann take coach somehow with indifference (11) 12 Wild ruffian looking doped about the ears (9) 15 Noah’s honey supply, according to record? (7) 16 One negotiates for high standards (6) 18 Make reparation an hour after midnight (5) 21 Finish rebuilding lion’s place (3)

3 Abandonment (9) 7 Poem (3) 8 Undesired (11) 10 Loses heat (5) 11 Moaned deeply (7) 13 Negligent (6) 14 Supplication (6) 17 Legislator (7) 19 Pay out (5) 20 Permanent (11) 22 Biblical name (3) 23 Farm girl (5-4)

DOWN 1 Pictorial missives (9) 2 Act (11) 3 Synopses (7) 4 Snow carriage (6) 5 Proportion (5) 6 Greasy liquid (3) 9 Crooked-limbed (5-6) 12 Reckless person (4-5) 15 Annul (7) 16 Slices of solid body (6) 18 Score (5) 21 By way of (3)

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4/16/09

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson

Lucie Goodayle, head of visuals for George Alexander Group (0845 052 7733)

▲

Tickets to Brighton Frocks fashion event Brighton’s Fashionistas can win a pair of tickets for this year’s must attend Brighton Frocks fashion catwalk show at The Hilton Metropole Hotel on Friday 22 May. This year’s theatrical catwalk show is bigger than ever, featuring collections from 12 innovative and cutting edge designers including Tom Lipop (star of Sky One’s Project Catwalk), Renaissance, Suzie Turner, Jo Fleming and Gresham Blake.

at the launch of Fitness First and a great Open House

Peter Harrington (Fitness First, National Manager), Mary Sassi (Fitness First, General Manager, Jonesy and Liz Li (Juice 107.2)

Fitness First Team

Alison Swann, Mary Sassi (Fitness First, general manager), Tommy Elphick (Brighton and Hove Albion), Adam Virgo (Brighton and Hove Albion), Tom Fraser (Brighton and Hove Albion), Andy Kelly (Fitness First, regional business manager

Fitness launch

Whether or not you win, you can also take advantage of Brighton Fashion Weekend’s FREE shopping emporium sponsored by the George Alexander Group. You’ll find a wide range of fashion stalls, as well as street performances, catwalk shows, free creative workshops and Red Bull’s drinks lounge in the Viscount Suite at The Hilton Metropole all weekend. There will also be fashion installations across Brighton (www.brightonfrocks.com) and the unforgettable Brighton Fashion Weekend closing party at Audio nightclub on 24 May (tickets from Resident Records on 01273 606312). Brighton Frocks tickets are available from Dome Box Office on 01273 709709. We have six pairs of tickets to give away. For a chance to win tell us: Where does the Brighton Frocks closing party take place? Not only that, every entrant will receive a 10 per cent discount voucher for Brighton Frocks.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘‘Brighton Frocks’ in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 4 May

Wednesday 8 April saw the launch of the newly refurbished Fitness First Brighton. Juice FM was on hand to broadcast live from the event. Albion footballers, Tommy Elphick, Tom Fraser, and Adam Virgo joined staff and managers to cut the ribbon. The opportunity was taken for Latest Homes’s Alison Swann and her sister Freya DansonHatcher to launch their campaign to raise money for their forthcoming London to Brighton cycle ride, in aid of the British Heart Foundation and in memory of their brother James Danson-Hatcher who was killed in a collision with a car in April 2007, while out cycling near Devil’s Dyke. Fitness First will be training Alison to cycle fitness before she attempts the 54 mile ride on Sunday 21 June.

Sharon Caple, Alison Swann, Marie Viviani, Freya Danson-Hatcher and Rachel Bryant (Latest staff)

Maggie Feeny, Nicola Jackson and Alice Gale-Feeny

Hatty Matthews and Chloe Matthews

Adrian Turner, Di Turner, Gary Turner and Angie Turner Kate Osborne, Polly Raynes and Diane Rogers

Open to all

Mazron Farook and Lauren Harrison

In May, 26 members of Brighton’s Fiveways’ Artist Group will open their homes to show their art to the public for the 27th consecutive year. Members and guest artists may change but the ethos of the group remains the same: to make art accessible to as many people as possible, enabling artists to take their work to a wide and varied audience. Regular open studios offer the public the opportunity to see the artist at work but the idea of an Open House takes this a step further and allows people to take a peek inside the artist’s life. The Fiveways Artists Open Houses are all located in the same leafy corner of Brighton. This year there is an additional treat in the form of a Venetian-inspired exhibition at the Open House Pub in Springfield Road. Spiritual home of the group, the Open House pub, is hosting the exhibition in the main lounge. This beautiful collection of paintings is the work of Fiveways artists who have spent time in Venice over the years and drawn inspiration from this most beautiful of cities. For more information about the Fiveways Artists Group, artists and open houses visit fivewaysartists.com

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4/16/09

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani f you go down to the woods today you’ll be in for a big surprise, a burnt out motorbike, bin bags picked apart by seagulls and if you’re lucky – a mattress. Why is it that any open space in Brighton quickly becomes a dumping ground? Do we really care that little? It’s a sad and sorry thing to have to hop, skip and jump over varying objects when all you wanted was a walk. I want to make it clear that I am not, in any way, moaning that it is all still sitting there and no one has cleared it up – the point I am making is that I cannot understand how these things came to be there in the first place. It’s the people that think the best way to dispose of their bulky rubbish is to find the nearest field, wood or area of green and dump it all. Do we have such little respect for the areas around us that we feel no harm in dumping whatever we fancy?

Dani reprises her loathing of errant Mr Whippys and also abandoned mattresses

The sad thing is that it will probably never change. The people who do this sort of thing will have kids who will grow up to think the only way to fit a new mattress into your house is to find a bush to put the other, slightly stained one in. A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned how it irritated me that dog walkers (not all) feel that if their dog decides it needs to leave a Mr Whippy on a surface of a green colour, there is no need to clean it up, and that happens more on public footpaths through fields etc. Is that any different from leaving a bin liner of rubbish? Many people might point out that the burnt out bikes are left by children, and may even say that they don’t mind it so much when left by kids as opposed to adults, as the kids don’t really know any better. That doesn’t make sense to me either. Why don’t these kids know any better? If they can (sort of)

Second on the left None of my favourite comedians are from the South of England – they range from Australian, Irish, Scottish, Welsh and the occasional one from the West Country. What’s your point? I hear you ask. Well, this has left me with a problem, because any time I meet someone with an accent from the above list, I find nearly everything they say extremely funny. It’s starting to cause a problem, but I am sure I can’t be the only one who has this problem. People are starting to notice that I laugh slightly too much when someone in Devon gives me directions to the nearest petrol station. Don’t get this confused, I don’t find the accent funny – it’s the fact that when I hear it I am reminded of a sketch from a comedian. People with similar minds are few and far between. Perhaps just accepting the warped way in which mine works is the key?

“Is it too much to ask that a little respect is thrown into the equation” control a bike while they rev it, and rev it, and ride it up and down and up and down your street, surely they have the neurons to understand that an open space is not a bin? It’s not as if the kids that ride these things are still in nappies. For the most part, boys will be boys and owning one of them is as much a part of their coming of age, as lip gloss is to a girl, but is it too much to ask that a little respect is thrown into the equation? And before I am lynched, I would like to say that I agree that not every teenage boy is like that, and not every teenage girl wears lip gloss, and, occasionally, boys like to wear lip gloss too. I don’t believe it is just me that gets annoyed by the constant dumpage happening. Some days you want to go for a walk somewhere nice and green and look at the view, but instead, you are left looking at your feet and partaking in the poo/condom/mattress/burnt bike hop!

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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008_LS420_will/alison

4/16/09

12:03 PM

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08 CITY SPEAK

Alison ime magazine recently published a list of the ten most endangered species in the world. Accompanying the piece were ten very eye-catching examples of wildlife photography. Thank God for long-range lenses, who wants to prove that polar bears really do have black skin under all that ‘cuddly-wuddly’ white fur, only to get batted into the air by a 12 foot high lord of the ice, who will consider your flesh a nice change from that life-long diet of seal babies. Polar bears are on this list and they impress me. Did you know that polar bears are apparently so clever they make themselves blend into the background by putting a paw over their black nose? How smart is that! The seal might have those big ol’ bambi eyes, but polar bears sound like a right laugh: “Now you see me… Now you don’t! Am I here? Am I not? Woooah!“ Nothing on the list is commonly found here in the UK, well nothing on that list is commonly found anywhere – that’s the point. Which brings me to Pandas. They annoy me. They don’t make much effort, do they? They are too fussy about their food. Why do they only want to eat bamboo? Adapt and

Alison Swann thinks polar bears are fun and pandas need to make more effort survive for goodness sake. Look at the pigeon. It will eat anything. It’ll even eat Kentucky Fried Chicken. Which is almost a relative for heaven’s sake! I admire pigeons, they are survivors. You just know that if it all goes a bit wrong and we’re all holding out for some robot called WALL-E to save us after a nuclear fallout then the pigeon will be there. Although, if the pigeon had been around when Noah was sending out the dove to check out for land who knows where he would have ended up. Croydon? Pandas are lazy. They mate once a year and get away with the obesity look to full effect while the rest of us are being told we’ll drop dead if we even breathe near a bakery. How do they get so fat? You’ve got to eat a lot of bamboo. Do they never move? No wonder they can only mate once a year. Has anyone considered giving the them viagra? Like guests on the Jeremy Kyle show have proved, if you keep on having sex you will have babies. Pandas have a lot to learn from a Jeremy Kyle guest. Meanwhile, I’m sure polar bears could be trained up for a new career as children’s party entertainers.

Will

Will Harris wonders if he is cursed with the spirit of Zippy from Rainbow

nd that is the difference between a shepherd’s pie and a cottage pie. Silence follows in the boardroom. Around the table my colleagues in their neatly-pressed suits are giving me looks, the kind of looks I imagine a lepidopterist would give to a new and exotic species of butterfly if it were to settle gently on their binoculars and then explode. Two sternlooking Germans are also giving me looks, albeit via a video-conferencing system. I’m getting the hairy eyeball from two timezones at once. This is a first for me. Somebody clears their throat. “Right, shall we move on to crisis management?” And we proceed to the next item on the agenda, which does not involve pies, cottage or otherwise. My problem is I don’t know when to shut up. Actually, that’s not completely true; I know exactly when to shut up, I’m just physically unable to do it. Oh, it can happen quite suddenly and without warning: “Do you know,” says some unwitting soul, “I’ve never liked traditional English food” and before I can help it – bang! – I’m expounding the relative virtues of cooking with beef versus lamb to a room of people who think the four food groups are

“Polar bears make themselves blend into the background by putting a paw over their black nose”

“I know when to shut up, I’m just physically unable to do it. It can happen quite suddenly, without warning”

Starbucks, Pret, M&S, and binge-drinking after work on Fridays. I wonder if it’s a curse. Just as Cassandra in classical myth was doomed to make prophecies, perhaps it’s destined for me to couple the encyclopaedic knowledge of Wikipedia with the conversational timing of Zippy from Rainbow. “Do you know,” I ask the bagel guy, as we wait for my cheese to melt, “that every one of these bagels has the same calorific content as five slices of bread.” Bagel guy, who of course does not speak good English, thinks I’m trying to order five slices of bread. I defer the bread but accept the bagel, reasoning that I can jam it down my throat to stop the word soup in my brain pouring forth and scalding bystanders. I want to believe it isn’t a curse, that I might one day find a use for my inappropriate verbal outbursts, but what? Telling a bomb disposal squad that, yes, it’s definitely the green wire? Easing overcrowding in prisons by euthanising prisoners with a lecture on the lives of the kings and queens of England? Becoming a columnist in a local… Oh. For once, I’m speechless.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

009_LS420_celebcity

4/17/09

9:31 AM

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AROUND TOWN 09

LATEST NEWS 13

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on the renewed investigation into a 22-year-old murder case

A mother’s fight ore tears are flowing for two mothers – 22 years after their daughters were murdered in Brighton’s Wild Park. Michelle Johnson and Susan Eismann are still hoping the killer will be brought to justice and not a day has gone by when they haven‘t felt the stabbing pain of grief and the ache for justice. They both spoke to Latest 7 this week to tell how their agony has been intensified by the arrest of Mrs Eismann‘s former husband Barrie Fellows on suspicion of conspiracy to rape their daughter Nicola, just months before she was murdered. Neither can believe the allegation but both hope that renewed police investigations may produce that one crucial piece of evidence or one vital witness that could bring about a successful prosecution. Meanwhile, their suffering continues. It was on 9 October 1986, that nine-year-old playmates Nicola and Karen Hadaway disappeared from their homes in Newick Road, Moulsecoomb, and the following day their bodies were discovered in the park. Both had been sexually assaulted and strangled.

Karen’s mother Michelle Johnson, 51, said she prays for justice every morning and night: "I haven‘t had one good night‘s sleep in 22 years, and often just doze on the settee downstairs in the night.” The arrests of Mr Fellows, 59, and family friend Dougy Judd, 44, and subsequent release on bail made her relive the last time she saw her daughter alive: “Karen was wearing her grey school skirt, green school sweater, pink trainers and white socks. “She was standing in the front room when she said ‘I‘m just going out to play‘. That was the last time I saw her alive. “I miss my little baby. I miss hugging her. I hug my two grandchildren a lot and although I love them both dearly, it‘s not the same. People can‘t understand how deep the sadness goes. “I‘ve had two lives, one before the murders, when I was happy and normal, and the second after the murders, where I‘m carrying an enormous black cloud with me everywhere I go.“ Mrs Hadaway has apologised to her children, Darren, 34, Lyndsay, 28, Kimberley, 22, and Rikki, 21: “They never had the best years of their parents‘ lives because of what happened and I‘m sorry for that. Nicola Fellows

“But I can’t stop. I have to keep fighting for justice - and this won’t stop even when I’m gone”

Michelle Johnson and Susan Eismann

“But I can‘t stop. I have to keep fighting for justice – and this won‘t stop even when I‘ve gone.“ Nicola‘s mother Susan Eismann, 59, said she was frightened to leave her Brighton home after her ex-husband‘s arrest: “I was scared people would come up to me in the street and say things or have a go at me. “It all came flooding back – one minute Nicky was in our front garden, playing with friends, and the next she was gone. “She was wearing a check shirt, a red top and red shoes. And she had the usual cheeky smile on her face. “My attention had been diverted from the window for a few seconds and when I turned back she had gone. I wasn‘t worried then. I knew she wouldn‘t even cross the road without being careful.“ She often refers to Nicola in the present tense and is haunted by thoughts of what she would be doing if she was alive now. She said: “I go to my bedroom and I think she should be with me and I wonder whether she would be married or have kids of her own. I see girls of nine with black hair like Nicky‘s and think that could have been my girl. “Nicky would be 32 now and probably a mother – I see women of that age pushing buggies with young children and I think that should be my Nicky. “I imagine Nicky running home with her school report or nagging me to babysit for her. She and I have been robbed of those times. You never get over it and it doesn‘t get any easier.“ Labourer Russell Bishop, 42, was acquitted of the Babes’ murders and is serving life for the sexual assault and attempted murder of a seven-year-old girl from Whitehawk. Sussex Police said the inquiry remains open and they appealed to anyone with information to call 0845 6070 999.

014_LS420_Letters/Sport

4/16/09

5:31 PM

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14 LETTERS | SPORT Appeal to reason Hi Dani, I agree with you that raising taxes on alcohol will not solve the problem the government claim to be tackling. Coming from an alcoholic background I am aware that an addict will cut down on everything before their drug of choice. It could be argued that this simply compounds the problems as cutting down on food and warmth will do as much harm as the addiction. In his book, An Appeal To Reason, the former Chancellor Nigel Lawson admits that his government deliberately exaggerated the harm caused by smoking in order to demonize smokers. This enabled them to raise taxes on tobacco claiming it was for moral reasons. This Government are using the same technique by creating panic around binge drinking. It may be a problem but it certainly isn’t new and raising taxes will not solve it. If anything I would advocate a ban on advertising, as with tobacco. This will not only stop supermarkets using alcohol as loss leaders but will also prevent advertising agencies disguising the fact that their product is a drug as any other. Just a thought. Steve Hussey, Seven Dials

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LETTERS

A runaway success

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Roundups and rumblings from the Latest Sport bunker

Cricket daze Latest Sport’s Andy Winter looks ahead to the new season of cricket he wait is over. The short days of winter have receded. Life has a new meaning. Yes, the cricket season has begun. What lies before us is a feast of cricket for the next six months – the Ashes, the Twenty20 World Cup (for both men and women), the West Indies. But for many of us, it is the return of county cricket that gets our pulses racing. But it is a season of two halves, a real failing by cricket administrators. In the three months to the end of June there are 27 days of cricket at Hove. But for the next three months, in the height of the summer, there are just 14. What a missed opportunity. Yes, there are five days of cricket in each of Arundel (well worth a visit) and Horsham (not great if you rely on public transport), but nothing at Hove between 27 June and 11 August. Unbelievably, there are nine days play scheduled between 7 September and 19 September when the best of the weather has usually passed. And even when there is championship cricket at Hove, matches are scheduled for mid week, making it difficult for those working to watch. When there is play on a Saturday, it is the fourth day, and the one most likely to be missed if an early result has been achieved. Yet there is a lot to look forward to. Between 21 April and 24 April Sussex take on Lancashire, likely challengers for the County Championship.

“It is a rare opportunity to see some of the great players of this generation” There is solid cricket at Hove between 6 May to the 18 May, including a clash against last year’s champions, Durham, and four 50 over games. The Australians, currently rated number one in the world, take on Sussex from 24 June to 27 June. It is a rare opportunity to see some of the great players of this generation at close quarters. I particularly look forward to Sussex’s Murray Goodwin taking on the likes of Brett Lee and Mitchel Johnson. We’re off to Arundel Castle for two matches against neighbours and arch-rivals Hampshire on 15 July to 19 July. Arundel is probably the most beautiful First Class ground in the world, and it is a shame that touring countries no longer start their stay in England with a match at the Castle Ground. So get ready. Slap on the sun protection, get out the floppy hats, pack a picnic and enjoy the pleasures of County Cricket at Hove – but not between 27 June and 11 August! Matt Prior

Photograph: Clare Calder

An auction on 13 and 14 May at Gorringes, North Street, Lewes will include lots donated by the public for Rockinghorse, the Sussex based children’s charity. One donation is a locomotive name plate, ‘The Royal Alex’, named after Brighton’s Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital. It was originally an electro-diesel 73101 that regularly ran the London to Brighton service, but the name plates were given to the charity when the engine was withdrawn in 1965. The locomotive has since been restored and painted in Pullman colours and appears at train enthusiast events; the successful bidder will also be given a unique opportunity to ride in the train along with a scale model of the train donated by a local enthusiast. The lot is already attracting much interest from train enthusiasts, sponsors of the charity and individuals called Alex. I am delighted Gorringes are supporting Rockinghorse and I encourage anyone interested to be generous and donate a lot to this auction; already we have found a very special train plate and you may find a few surprises which will make some money for yourself as well as for our projects making life better for local children. Lots need to be in by 22 April. For more information call Jo Dennis on 01273 730286 or e-mail jo.dennis@rockinghorse.org.uk. Gavin Fisher, CEO of Rockinghorse

Latest Sport

015_LS420_ Spiegeltent

4/15/09

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COVER FEATURE 15

Festival favourite Captivating cabaret at The Parlure Spiegeltent on Brighton’s Old Steine ith Festival and Fringe time almost upon us, the excitement is gathering. This year The Parlure Spiegeltent will move to the Old Steine, and the outfit are very much looking forward to being the centrepiece of the Fringe. “St Peter’s was a great site, and made a lovely garden, but it will be great to be right at the heart of everything,” said Malcolm Haynes the company director. “We’re very excited about our programme this year; we have a real range of interests and prices to suit everyone. We’re even offering free lunchtime concerts so people can come and enjoy the venue.” The jewel in the crown is the flagship cabaret show, The Aviator Club. It’s the venue’s own production, put together by project manager Jessica Magill after the success of their The Grand Finale show last year. It’s a fun premise whereby the audience board a 1940s airliner, captained by the fabulously acerbic compere Dusty Limits, and are taken on a journey around the cabaret world, with a live soundtrack by house band Top Shelf Jazz. “We have some amazing acts in the show,” says Jessica. “It mainly features music and dance with comedy, magic and some circus skills too. It’s vintage in style, but the acts and the humour will be right up to the minute.”

Top Shelf Jazz

Interstella Circus Show

Speaking of circus skills, there Miss Merlin will be plenty of these on offer from Monday 18 May, when The Interstella Circus Show starts its seven night run. Produced by Miss Merlin, who has put together umpteen cabaret shows for sister venue Pussy Parlure at European festivals, it will feature acts from across the globe as well as a few stars from renowned Bristol collective The Invisible Circus. Contortionism, Chinese pole, hula hooping, aerial, juggling, acrobalance, and even dancing zebras will be appearing in the ring, in a show which promises to hark back to the days of classic circus but with a modern cabaret twist. Of her cast and show, Merlin says, “A lifetime of circus, clubs and festivals warps the imagination – all good cabaret should have a little bit of a dark side I think.” There will also be a family-friendly version of the show with a nautical theme over the last Bank Forget Me Not Holiday weekend. A musical cabaret show of an entirely different nature is Forget Me Not, the tale of a flapper looking back at her life. From the intimacy of her dressing room, Forget Me Not regales us with tales and songs about her loves past. But far from being just melancholy, the character has a wicked sense of humour. Performed by ex-New Zealander turned Brighton resident Sharon Elizabeth, soprano and star of last year’s Fringe show I-Sing On The Cake, the show will be fresh from a tour down under to rave press reviews. Local composer Paul Lewis accompanies her on piano and has written some original songs for the show, which will be performed alongside classic numbers from the era. Dressing up 1920s style is encouraged for prizes. So with such great shows on offer the message is clear – prizes or not, every one’s a winner. The Aviator Club, 1–9 May, £14–18 The Interstella Circus Show, 18–24 May, £14–18 The Interstella Circus Family Show, 22–25 May, £11/9 Forget Me Not, 6, 8, 9 May, £7–12 Tickets and info 0844 8007114, www.theparlure.com

016_LS420_Hotlist

4/15/09

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HOTLIST 16 locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious modern British, by top chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. It’s near Seattle Hotel – or spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton. Call 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, 01273 681256.

Birdcage Walk The place to relax, eat good, fresh food and enjoy a drink: latte, glass of wine or a beer. A grown-up bistro with a laid back atmosphere, where you can enjoy a night out without having to shout above music and a place to nurse your hangover with a big breakfast or Sunday lunch. Head chef Toby Humphreys (ex Gingerman) has designed a modern European menu – with a menu change every six weeks enabling an up-to-date selection of seasonal dishes. 300 Ditchling Rd, Fiveways, Brighton, BN1 6JG, 01273 561757

The Coach House Friendly restaurant bar in the city centre serving an excellent range of home-cooked food, separate evening and lunch menus, and Sunday roasts. Great mussels, steaks, soups and a good wine list. In the winter, a central open fire roars. In summer, soak up the sun on the pretty terrace. The warm atmosphere and good value pricing make this a popular local haunt. 59 Middle Street, Brighton, 01273 719000, www.coachhousebrighton.com

Seattle Restaurant This breathtaking restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has great views and the best seasonal, local produce and The Chilli Pickle

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this familyfriendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF. 01273 542271 www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton, 01273 676222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Early Frog is available Tuesday to Friday at £13.95/20 between noon and 1pm. In the evening, buy one dish from the á la carte menu, get 50 per cent off the second main course (Tuesday to Thursday). Plat du jour at £7.95/9.95.

Enjoy a lunchtime bowl of homemade soup with French bread for only £4.95. Gourmet evening on the third Thursday of every month, £49.50 including service for six courses and six glasses of wine. 119 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721488, www.thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa French patisserie on Queen’s Road. Everything is prepared each morning on the premises by their French gourmet pastry chef. Front of house serves coffee, cinnamon hot chocolate or homemade lime ice tea, amongst others. Seating by a mural of the roofs of Paris is relaxing and bohemian. A recent French visitor said: ”The best croissant in Brighton, better than any I found in Paris!” 48 Queen’s Rd, Brighton, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem and very reasonable too! Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. À la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10–11 New Steine, Brighton, 01273 681546 or 695415

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu which is utterly affordable with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton, 01273 325135

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops

L’Église

Spinelli Coffee

Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk, info@legliserestaurant.co.uk

Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi or just relax. In Kemp Town Village, just off St George’s Road and College Road. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

Indian The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Bars Koba Bar and Club

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Koba hosts a happy hour in the front bar between 5–7pm all week. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has been nominated in the top ten bars/clubs in the UK by The Independent. Good beers, a sensible wine list, and of course, champagne for special occasions (or just for the love of it). The perfect venue for a private party or an atmospheric night out. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton. 01273 720059

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

017_LS420_food

4/16/09

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay finds the fire rekindled at The Chimney House

Smokin’ I

t was sad news when The Chimney House and The Wellington closed down a few months back. The girls had done a remarkable job and Brighton had certainly gained from their endeavours. The Wellington has now passed into new hands and is doing well. The Chimney House has passed to old hands and I mean that as a compliment. The guys behind one of my favourite haunts, The Preston Park Tavern, have taken it over, given it a touch of their style, and breathed life into it. Retaining the charm and atmosphere, and the dogfriendly policy, they are now offering a menu of real delights. I was due to join a small party of food lovers there for supper and after a swift tequila sangrita in Myhotel I walked up and joined them. Five of us in total, about as large a party dining out as I can cope with, to be honest, each of us as passionate as the other about food and drink. It also turned out that we were equally as passionate about gossip, so what with gastronomy and goss’ leading the evening we were were set for a good time. On arriving I had pint of Harveys. It's as good a test as anything as to the quality of a bar, and this was bright and clean as I could have hoped. The menu at The Chimney House is short but varied. There were few dishes that I would have been happy to eat – but my stomach and eyes were drawn to a starter of black puddings with Calvados apples, crisp bacon and mustard sauce. Being Northern black puddings are a frequent choice for me, although not always a good one. Only too often am I disappointed by softie Southerner black puddings that lack flavour texture and above all a decent amount of pork fat. I am pleased to say that while perhaps short on fat these were handsome and well matched with the slightly caramelised apples. It's a classic dish and here it was acquitted with class. I have a terrible habit of steering away from my favourite dishes. It could become a blind alley, only reviewing a few dishes but all the time. On this occasion I was in an indulgent mood and the sight of skate wings in brown butter with capers was too much to resist. I have spent years not cooking with capers because someone didn't like them. Now I can go on a caper caper, and I did. Skate is a delicious fish and one of the easiest to eat as the flesh comes away in succulent strips. My wing was fat and perfectly cooked, simply lifting from the gelatinous cartilage beneath. The butter was properly toasty brown, nutty and sweet and the capers spiked it with tiny bursts of green, sour notes. The bubble beneath

“Skate wings in

brown butter with capers was too much to resist”

hit the spot too. It was once again a very satisfying dish. Satisfying yes, as was a really very good organic Rioja which we were all merrily quaffing at quite an alarming rate. And you might well assume that by this point I was indeed truly satisfied. But oh no, I had certainly got my eating head on. The puddings all sounded good but I was intrigued by a sticky spongetype dessert that was served with a sorbet. I ordered it with a sense of mischief, in the hope that there might be at least one thing that I could have a bit of a whinge about. I get plenty of people whinging at me that I am too nice – about food that is. In every other sense I am quite vile. So was it good? Yes, very good, a lovely pudding and on top a brandy snap basket filled with a great sorbet. Did it work? Sort of, because I loved the component parts, really delicious. Together I was less convinced, but it was certainly interesting, unusual and fun. I am glad they made it and glad that I had tried it. Would I have it again? Yes, I probably would. God, I so wanted to be nasty, but It was pretty impressive. In fact, the whole thing is impressive with sensible prices, good food, lovely service and a great atmosphere. I still love The Preston Park Tavern but now I have choices – and Chimney House is closer. The Chimney House, 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Brighton, BN1 5DF. Call 01273 556708. www.chimneyhousebrighton.com

018_LS420_Health

4/15/09

4:39 PM

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18 HEALTH

Walk this way Zara Baker puts on her walking shoes for National Walk to Work Week t’s National Walk to Work Week from Monday 27 April to Friday 1 May; so ditch the car, skip the bus and put on your walking shoes. Previously only celebrated as a day event Walk to Work Week 2009 is a seven-day initiative for a fitter, richer and greener life. It’s understood that walking is not possible, perhaps if you make the commute to the Big Smoke for example. However, you can still take part. Try walking part of your journey whether it’s making a shorter bus ride, walking from Victoria Station rather than taking a connecting tube or walking to Brighton Station instead of a bus/car drive there first. If a car drive is necessary to and from work, walk around in your lunch break or take a walking meeting – easy and refreshing as long as the note taking can wait until you’re back in the office. Just 30 minutes of moderate exercise five times a week can significantly improve fitness levels. Break it down and that’s a 15minute walk – morning and afternoon. If the walk to work’s incorporated into your daily routine, soon it won’t be regarded as making an extra effort. When you do walk, benefit further by taking your posture and strides into consideration. Picture yourself as a ballet dancer, extend the neck, keep the spine straight and shoulders back and down. Avoid hunching the shoulders and keep your tummy pulled in. You will benefit more fitness wise from the walk and look good, too. Ensure you wear comfortable shoes, taking a change in a bag. Take shorter strides as this will give you a better workout. Most importantly, enjoy it and the health benefits that come with a walk

Public Speaking Panic attacks Exam nerves Self esteem Smoking Phobias Weight management FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION London, Brighton, Hove & Forest Row Practices

www.walkingworks.org.uk/walk-to-work-week-2009.

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019_LS420_enzo

4/16/09

5:59 PM

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ENZO 19

The secret of success Enzo celebrates five years of hair and beauty excellence, giving their loyal clients old and new, an experience of international quality hen Enzo opened they invested a great deal of time, effort, money and research into creating a hair and beauty experience that was quite clearly a cut above. Without the backing of a national brand they were fully aware that their strengths would be individuality and quality of service. One of the many things that make Enzo unique is that they have become a Bumble and Bumble salon, offering the full range of Bumble as well as Matrix colour and products. To stay on top of the most current trends in hairdressing, the team regularly attend workshops at the Bumble and Bumble training academy in London. The look was equally important too, and the cool chic of their salon was a pleasant and soothing contrast to the chrome and polished interiors of some of their competition. Owner and managing director Bill Stewart brought a vast range of experience, much of it gained in his native USA, while business partner Carlo Torre invested in creating and establishing the brand. It was never their intention to take

over the world, perhaps not even the city, but they did win a huge number of clients and they have become fiercely loyal to Enzo, enjoying the restrained sophistication of the service, the very personal attention to detail and the ever expanding range of service that are on offer. I include myself in this number and over the years I have been indulged and pampered on a regular basis. A keen fan of manicures I find the Jessica system that they employ to be ideal. I leave with hands and nails that quite literally attract comments and praise. While flying to

“Pampering is good for the soul but getting a tangible effect doubles that” Amsterdam, one lady on disembarking turned to me and said ‘You have the most beautiful nails I have ever seen on a man.’ I had Jessica and Enzo to thank for that. While Bill is in charge of hair on the upper floor, Chantelle Duke is now in charge of beauty therapies on the lower level and here she continues to operate using Guinot methods and products. As a late convert to facials, I wish I had started younger, I have tried a surprisingly large number of products available and at a wide variety of prices. But it is Guinot that draws me back every time. If I sound like a facial freak then forgive me, but I swear by the spiritual lift that I feel after an hour at the hands of a competent beautician. I have

tried a wide variety of their treatments too and all have had a great impact not only on my spirit but on my substance. Oh yes, pampering is certainly good for the soul but getting a tangible effect doubles that. Recently I settled back for a Beauté Neuve facial treatment that involved a double peeling process. I have always been slightly wary of skin peeling having seen some scary pics on the world wide web, but I was reassured that the fruit acids used in the Guinot range would be gentle but effective. After this particular treatment I not only felt good but my skin was visibly improved, not just when peering into my scary magnifying shaving mirror but while catching a glimpse in a shop window as I walked past. The gentle peel seemed to have taken away that wintery greyness that is so ageing, the tone was firmer too and there was a glow. I had hoped that I would feel good but I genuinely looked better too. Okay, it’s never going to make me younger, or handsome for that matter but it very successfully makes me look like a give damn about how I look. And at the end of the day that is the secret about Enzo’s success, they really care about what they do, how they do it and the people that they do it for. Last time I wrote about them I chose to interview two very loyal female clients who were more than happy to extol the virtues of a trip to see the team at Enzo. This time I am putting my own name behind the recommendation. I love the Enzo Experience, the relaxed and discreet atmosphere, the professional attitude and let’s not forget – the best cookies in Brighton. Congratulations for their success so far and best wishes for the next five years of excellence. Enzo Hair and Beauty, 16 St Georges Road, Brighton, BN2 1EB, 01273 622 200 www.enzohairandbeauty.com

020_LS420_Nurseries

4/16/09

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20 HAPPY DAYS NURSERY

HAPPY DAYS NURSERY

Kids’ space Hanover’s Happy Days Nursery is offering places free of charge Happy Days Nursery and pre-school is one of the longest established groups in Brighton. Situated in the heart of the Hanover area it takes children from the ages of one to five. It occupies two halls, one of which includes a large soft play area, and has a pretty garden with a safety surface. The staff group have worked together for many years ensuring a happy atmosphere in which the children socialise and learn through play. There are currently some places available which are free of charge. Opening hours are 8.15–5.45pm. To arrange a visit call 01273 694447

Tel: 01273 694447

www.happydays-nursery.co.uk The Annunciation Hall, Coleman Street, Brighton BN2 9SQ

021_LS420_reviews/index

4/16/09

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LATEST LISTINGS 21

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 21 – 27 APRIL Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk The Space The media and arts event, The Space, marked the thirtieth anniversary of Alien this month by hosting a talk with its editor Terry Rawlings. He reminisced about his film career from Watership Down, how Barbara Streisand sang to him in her kitchen prior to giving him Yentl, to his uneasy working relationship with composer Jerry Goldsmith. The evening was held together by the impressively prepared Lisa Holloway. Her first guest Conor McNicholas revealed how a start in writing horoscopes eventually led him to his current role as the NME editor.

From the moment the hick cousin arrives in Paris from Aix the whole confection started to collapse, not that there had been many laughs up to that point. Whoever decided that he should play the part with a thick, and I leave you to decide how I use the word, Welsh accent, should be shot. Bernard was played with an English accent, the air hostesses as airline names suggested, so why Welsh? Susie Blake‘s natural comic timing struggled to survive as she played the worldly Parisian housekeeper as an East End char, and in the end any subtleties in the translation were lost to shouting and crude antics. Great choreographed curtain call tough that gains my one star. A bitter disappointment. Theatre Royal, Brighton, 13 April

★✩✩✩✩

Andrew Kay

Latest Music Bar, 7 April

★★★★✩

In The Loop, p25

23 Stage The Hive will be a buzz at the Fringe

24 Film Chris Addison on his new film

26 Comedy

Marie Vagen

Fringe is overflowing with comedy

Boeing Boeing Sadly this soufflé of French farce was served up as a leaden pudding.

26 Art Celluoid fear captured

27 Kids & events St George’s Day celebrations

Hot review of the week

The Blockheads You’ve got to hand it to The Blockheads, by mere association to Ian Dury their reputation is secure. And tonight Clever Trevor and What a Waste prove no less. Close your eyes and Derek Hussey on vocals is the spit of the original Billericay Dickie. And with Chaz Jankel in attendance all’s set for a belter. Only this is not it – they disappoint with too many nondescript numbers from past and present (new album Staring Down the Barrel), too much funk over punk. Support slot from sing-a-long, spoof hillbillies, Leonard & Bubba's Delicious Goo-Goo Cluster, is memorable for the final number alone ‘Tie Your Pecker to Yer Knee‘.

Old Rope Perrier winner Phil Nichol and the excellent Tiffany Stevenson brought forth their monthly night of comics trying new material with an incredible line-up. Kicking off with an utterly surreal Paul Foot, continuing via a hilarious Dave Thomson whose tumble on stage brought the house down, along with observations from Stephen Grant hinting at great things for his Edinburgh show, the support was lovely. But it was for secret headliner Russell Howard many had come and his handfuls of new material, some jotted on a scrap of paper, didn't disappoint. A fantastic night giving an unprecedented insight into the assembly of great comedy. Komedia, 9 April

★★★★★

27 Books Brighton Poetry Festival

28 Music Irish singer-songwriter Foy Vance interviewed

3 1 Clubs The best of the banging

32 Gay Round up of the news in and out

34 Television Dani on talent and seven days of listings

The Old Market, 11 April

Victoria Nangle

Russell Howard

★★✩✩✩ Jan Goodey

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

022_LS420_Ads

4/15/09

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023_LS420_Stage

4/15/09

4:18 PM

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STAGE 23

Sweet as honey The Hive is a brand new exciting theatre venue for this year’s Fringe, with a thrilling line-up of talent hen actors Victoria Gould and Dermot Keaney were asked by The Brunswick Pub in Hove if they thought it would be possible to create a venue in the garden of the pub they immediately jumped at the opportunity – and thought later. Dermot, who was already running acting classes at the venue, had seen the outdoor space filled with a marquee for a function so had an idea of the scale of the projects. Now, as May and the Fringe fast approaches The Hive is all set for an exciting first season of theatre. And theatre is what it is all about, well almost, there are some music and cabaret events too. Victoria has acted extensively in theatre, radio, film and television, including two years as journalist Polly Becker in EastEnders, and in Saxondale with Steve Coogan and Hippie Hippie Shake with Cillian Murphy. She has also worked as artistic collaborator on the last three Complicite world touring shows: Shunkin, A Disappearing Number and The Elephant Vanishes. Dermot has appeared in: Prime Suspect, A Touch of Frost, Residents, and as Janine’s drug-dealing pimp in EastEnders. He recently played the part of a Pict Hunter in Neil Marshall’s new film Centurion where he worked with Michael Fassbender (Hunger) and Dominic West (The Wire). ‘‘I had my glimpse of Hollywood playing the hammerhead first mate to Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.“ The bill at The Hive includes Spanish Flamenco; Vaudeville; oneman shows and acrobats. Most excitingly perhaps will be Radio City Live ‘Plan Bee’. This will see Victoria and Dermot working with the cream of the South East's writing talent to stage a series of brand new live radio dramas. Tickets for all of The Hive’s events will be available from the Festival box office at the Dome complex, but there will also be a number of seats held back each day for sale at performance time. This brand new 100-seat venue promises to be an exciting addition to the Fringe and a great opportunity to see so new and exciting theatre and brilliant international acts. The Hive,@ The Brunswick, 1 Holland Road, Hove, BN3 1JF. Box Office 01273 709709. www.thebrunswickhive.co.uk. www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk

Stage listings Tuesday 21 April to Monday 4 May Brighton Dome 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Romeo and Juliet Shakespeare’s classic play performed by Sussex Downs College students. • 26 Apr, 7pm, £6/4 As You Like It As part of Sussex Downs College Shakespeare season. • 27 Apr, 7pm, £6/4 Timon of Athens Shakespeare’s play produced in an innovative style, performed by Sussex Downs College students. • 28 Apr, 7pm, £6/4 A Midsummer’s Night Dream The final production in Sussex Downs College Shakespeare’s Festival. • 29 Apr, 7pm, £6/4

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Pirates of Penzance Gilbert and Sullivan’s comic opera with pirates, police and maidens.

• 28 Apr–2 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Sat, from £12

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Noel Coward’s Hay Fever Comedy of bad manners based on a London stage star and her dysfunctional family. • 21 Apr–2 May, contact venue for times/£ Taking Sides The story of a conductor Wilhelm Furtwangler who becomes the perfect post-war target for interrogations as a Nazi sympathiser. • 28 Apr–16 May, contact venue for times/£

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk That’ll Be The Day Classic gold hits from the 1950s to the 1990s combined with feel-good comedy routines. • 26 Apr, 7.30pm, £18–£21

Shaolin Warriors Spectacular theatrical Kung Fu show direct from China. • 29 Apr, 7.30pm,£19.50/17.50/15.50

1850, the tale of an eldest brother in search of a wife. Dazzling dance routines and hit songs. • 27 Apr–2 May, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat.various £, please contact the venue.

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Sign of the Times New comedy from the writer of Calendar Girls about two men who dream of success. • 21–25 Apr, 7.45pm, 2.30pm mat Wed and Sat. £13.50–£21 Agatha Christie’s Spider’s Web When a dead body is found in her home, Clarissa persuades her guests to help cover it up, but who’s guilty?. • 27Apr–2 May, 7.45pm, plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19

Upstairs at Three and Ten 07800 983290 www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk Das Theatre Presents: Would Like To Meet Provocative young theatre company WLTM share intimate secrets with the audience. • 23 Apr, 7.30pm, £7/5

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk The Nutcracker Dazzling interpretation of the famous show performed by English Youth Ballet. • 23–25 Apr, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Sat, £18/16

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Brief Encounter Noel Coward’s play from the West End – a company of ten actor musicians recreate the world of Milford Junction. • 21–25 Apr, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu & Sat, various £, please contact the venue. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Set in

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01093 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Moby Dick The girls of St Goldley’s School come up with a plan to raise money for their struggling school by hosting a musical version of Moby Dick. • 22–25 Apr, 7.45pm, plus 2.45pm Sat, £12–£14

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24 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 21 17 AGAIN (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 IN THE LOOP (15) 12.45, 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 CRANK:HIGH VOLTAGE(18) 6.45, 9.15 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 12.40, 3.10, 5.45, 8.15 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 IRON MAIDEN: FLIGHT 666 (15) 7.00 LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (15) 1.00, 4.00, 9.00 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 1.30, 3.45 THE WRESTLER (15) 9.20

CRANK:HIGH VOLTAGE(18) 6.45, 9.15 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 12.40, 3.10, 5.45, 8.15 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (15) 3.00, 4.00, 9.00 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 1.30, 3.45, 6.00 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 1.00, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00, 10.45 REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 10.30am IN THE LOOP (15) 12.45, 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 WATCHMEN (18) 8.00

Wednesday 22 17 AGAIN (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 IN THE LOOP (15) 12.45, 3.15, 6.00, 8.30 CRANK:HIGH VOLTAGE(18) 6.45, 9.15 LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (15) 3.00, 4.00, 9.00 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 12.40, 3.10, 5.45, 8.15 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 1.30, 3.45, 6.00 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 1.00, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00 WATCHMEN (18) 8.00

Films showing Friday 24–Monday 27 STATE OF PLAY OBSERVE AND REPORT THE UNINVITED CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Thursday 23 17 AGAIN (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 4.15, 8.45

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 21

Saturday 25

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (15) 1.30pm 9.00pm MAN ON WIRE (12A) 6.30pm REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 11.00am

IN THE LOOP (15) 1.30pm 4.00pm 6.30pm 9.00pm MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA (PG) 11.00am THE WORLD UNSEEN (12A) 11.00pm

Wednesday 22

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

I Love You, Man (15) Dir: John Hamburg Peter (Paul Rudd) is so loved up with Zooey that he wants to marry her. Everyone – ahhh. But he’s got no bessie mates to act as Best Man and goes on a quest to find one. Only problem with this is that his new ‘bromance‘ with Sydney (Jason Segal) is so much fun he hardly sees that lil’ ol’ girl of his dreams any more. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Monsters Vs Aliens 3D (PG) Dir: Rob Letterman, Conrad Vernon The latest 3D animation to come from DreamWorks sees a wee girl (Reese Witherspoon) zoomed up into a 49 feet 1’’ mega sprog. Taken into a top secret government compound with residents that include Dr Cockroach (Hugh Laurie) and other monsters, their talents are in hot demand when aliens try to take over the Earth. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

State Of Play (12A) Dir: Kevin McDonald Ben Affleck stars as a congressman who comes under fire when his mistress/assistant is brutally murdered. A Washington reporter (Russell Crowe) is sent to investigate but finds himself torn between his new friendship with the congressman and the pressure of working for his fearsome editor (Helen Mirren). Fastpaced Bourne Ultimatum-style thriller Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

The Boat That Rocked (15) Dir: Richard Curtis The latest Richard Curtis comedy, set in the 60s, this is the tale of the trials and tribulations of one pirate radio station on a boat that fought ‘the man’. With a motley crew led by The Count (Philip Seymour Hoffman) this is another delightful ensemble comedy. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing

Sunday 26 IN THE LOOP (15) 1.00pm 3.30pm 6.00pm

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (15) 11.am

Monday 27 Thursday 23

IN THE LOOP (15) 1.00pm 3.30pm 6.00pm 8.30pm

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (15) 3.30pm 6.00pm 8.30pm CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Friday 24 ERASERHEAD (18) 11.00pm IN THE LOOP (15) 1.00pm 3.30pm 6.00pm 8.30pm

Man on Wire (12A) Dir: James Marsh When Phillippe Petit strung a wire between the two towers of the World Trade Center, 1,350 feet above ground and walked across it, the world was dumbstruck. Marsh’s documentary highlights the events that unfolded after ‘the artistic crime of the century‘. Should be seen to be believed. Showing at Duke Of York’s

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 21 17 AGAIN (PG) 1.10, 3.40, 6.20, 8.50 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 11.40, 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE (18) 12.30, 2.50, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.50, 9.20 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 MARLEY AND ME (15) 9.00 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 12.00, 1.00, 2.20, 3.20, 4.40, 5.50, 7.00, 8.20

Wednesday 22 17 AGAIN (PG) 1.10, 3.40, 6.20, 8.50 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 11.40, 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE (18) 12.30, 2.50, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.50, 9.20 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 KNOWING (15) 6.10, 9.15 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 12.00, 1.00, 2.20,

3.20, 5.50, 8.20 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 6.00, 8.40

Thursday 23 17 AGAIN (PG) 1.10, 3.40, 6.20, 8.50 THE BOAT THAT ROCKED (15) 11.40, 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 CRANK: HIGH VOLTAGE (18) 12.30, 2.50, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.50, 9.20 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.10 KNOWING (15) 6.10, 9.15 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 12.00, 1.00, 2.20, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN (PG) 12.50, 3.30 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 6.00, 8.40

Fast and Furious (12A) Dir: Justin Lin Vin Diesel and Paul Walker return with another high speed, high-octane thriller. Fugitive ex-con Dom Toretto (Diesel) is forced to hook up with his old adversary, agent Brian O’Conner (Walker), to confront a shared enemy. As they race across LA and through Mexico the pair must now push themselves, and their cars, to the limit. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Films showing Friday 24–Monday 27 STATE OF PLAY; OBSERVE AND REPORT

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 21-Thurs 23

AMBLETON DELIGHT (15) 7.00pm

RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAiN (PG) 4.45pm 7.15pm

Sunday 26

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 8.00pm

SMALL TOWN FOLK (15) 7.00pm

Saturday 25

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

BEDTIME STORIES (PG) 10.15am

In The Loop (15) Dir: Armando Iannucci From the satrical genius that brought us The Thick Of It now comes the razor sharp political comedy In The Loop. We follow the Secretary of State who is trying to stop a Prime Minister and a President who both ‘feel like a war‘. Topical and hilarious. Showing at Duke Of York’s Odeon Cineworld

The Boat That Rocked

Let The Right One In (15) Dir: Tomas Alfredson This Swedish horror questions how much we will forgive for new love, as bullied 12-year-old Oskar finds his new friend, the pale and mysterious girl Eli, gives him the strength to stand up to his tormentors. Showing at Duke Of York’s and Odeon

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FILM 25

Going loopy Chris Addison talks about the much anticipated satirical film In the Loop with Victoria Nangle What is the film In The Loop about? It’s a black and white ‘noir’ thriller! (giggles) Well, it’s a screwball comedy really. It’s blackly satirical and all that, but it’s a screwball comedy about what happens when governments decide they want to go to war and people try to stop them. It bears more than a passing resemblance to the hit television show The Thick Of It, but it isn’t The Thick Of It really. It’s really very funny. It’s got some of the most laughably inventive swearing you’ll ever hear and some outstanding acting from the likes of Tom Hollander, James Gandolfini, Steve Coogan, Gina McKee and of course Peter Capaldi. I have heard that this is an opportunity for James Gandolfini to get back on swearing track after an absence from The Sopranos? Yes thats right! He can swear, although there is slightly less swearing from the Americans but he did swear pretty well actually. Is your character in In the Loop similar to your character in The Thick Of It? He is, yeah. He’s like Ollie with a promotion to start with. Where Ollie is a bit ‘Junior’, Toby is the right hand man, and where Ollie

is a bit ‘rabbit in headlights’ and ineffectual, Toby is that, but less ‘rabbit in headlights’ and more arrogant. He’s a nastier character than Ollie. There are a couple of really, really bad things in the film. So he’s what would happen to Ollie if he kept hanging around with Peter Capaldi’s character? Yeah, kind of. Yeah. I think in a way he’s what Ollie wants to be but I’m not sure if Ollie could ever actually bring himself to be like that.

“It’s got some of the most laughably inventive swearing you’ll ever hear” How accurate a picture of politics do you think the film shows? Amazingly, very. We have had so many people from politics being begrudging, and one or two kind of ‘power people’ saying – “Huh! Well, how do you know?” You know?

About a couple of storylines and the way that we behave, and the swearing funnily enough. Do you feel a lot or pressure on the film because of the popularity of The Thick Of It? Well no, because it hasn’t been made to be a follow up or anything like that. We’ve managed to see it as a separate thing. I mean it‘s in the same world as The Thick Of It but not the same because of the American cast and because people take different paths, and the scope of the story. It’s a film you know, you go and see it in the cinema. There are pressures but it’s a different kind of pressure and as this film is coming out, we ourselves are returning to The Thick Of It. Will there be another series? Yeah, we start rehearsing in about four weeks time (end of April). Finally, can I ask you as a writer (Chris wrote TV sitcom Lab Rats and is a stand-up comedian) what would be your tag line for In The Loop? Wow. Um, what would it be? Um? People spend days in rooms thinking of stuff like this! I guess mine would be – “In The Loop – the single greatest film noir thriller of all time“. In The Loop is showing at the Duke of York’s, Odeon and Cineworld.

Win a luxury night at the Duke of York’s Win a luxury cinema night for two with a free glass of wine or a soft drink watching a film of your choice at Duke of York’s cinema. Come and enjoy the luxury sensation of their balcony. Slink into sumptuous comfort in the two or three-seater sofas, large armchairs or plush cinema seats, all with tables for drinks and snacks, extra leg room and fantastic sight lines. Subject to availability. Proof of age may be required to access film.

To win this week’s tickets, simply answer this question: Name Peter Capaldi’s character in In The Loop. Send your answer with your name, address and phone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk, putting In The Loop in the subject line, or write to us at the address on page three. Closing date: Tuesday 5 May.

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26 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle is a tad overwhelmed by the bountiful amount of shows this Fringe

number of people have said there’s less comedy at this year’s Fringe than last year. Yah boo sucks to them. Plus it’s not true. There’s loads, and it’s all over the place, in that it’s anywhere and everywhere this year. Not only are there fantastic flights of fancy at the ever-qualitycontrolled Upstairs At The Three And Ten – just look at awardwinning shows like Pappy’s Fun Club, Josie Long and The Penny Dreadfuls to see what I mean – but there are new venues busting at the seams with wondrous talent. Fletch Productions over at St Andrews has made a big hit already with bookings for its Modern Toss shows, not to mention such treats as Peep Show’s Isy Suttie, Radio One’s Chris Cox and Brighton favourites The Raymond & Mr Timkins Revue, to name a few. Old favourites will not go missing either, as the Parlure Spiegeltent and Garden is back and settling onto The Old Steine,

“Fletch Productions has made a big hit already with bookings for its Modern Toss shows, not to mention such treats as Peep Show’s Isy Suttie…” bringing laughter and joy in that fabulous tent from Phil Kaye and Zoe Lyons, Topping and Butch, and 4 Poofs & A Piano. They do have solo performers too, in case you were wondering. Fans of the more conventional Edinburgh previews that make their first outing at the wonder that is the Brighton Fringe will not be disappointed either, with Micky Flanagan, Stephen Grant and Murray Lachlan Young appearing at Komedia, as well as Rhod Gilbert, Mike Wozniak and Geoff Norcott at the Caroline of Brunswick. Or course this is just a sample from all of these venues, and there’s the free shows put on by Laughing Horse at The Quadrant. And the improv shows that can be booked to appear in your own house! No, nothing’s missing this year. It’s jam packed. *As Latest went to press we heard the sad news that another new venue, the Sundown Show Bar, had to cancel its plans to set up outside St Peter’s Church but Boolagoo Stu and his team are moving some of the events to other venues. Watch this space.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.” Steven Wright

Comedy listings Wednesday 22 Terry Saunders: Sitting on a Rug Prepare to be amused, as Terry Saunders invites fellow comics to join him for a night of anti-comedy, lo-fi and fireside chat. Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5

What if your dad’s the headmaster too? Richard relives childhood embarrassments, first love and belching. Komedia, 8:30pm, £12/10

Friday 24 Thursday 23 Richard Herring – The Headmaster's Son What’s worse than being a podgy, swotty, virginal schoolboy?

Krater Comedy Club Fantastic weekend comedy from Johnny Addy Borgh, Adam Crow and Gavin Webster. Plus awardwinning MC Rufus Hound. Also

on Saturday two shows and Sunday one show. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10

Monday 27 Funny Farm Top comedic names come to Hove’s smallest comedy venue, with laughter from Dan Mitchell, Frank Honeybone, Martin Hill, Rob Heeney, Tiernan Douieb and an open spot from Vicky Nangle. Farm Tavern, 8pm, £5/4

Celluloid fears Artist Pam Glew is exhibiting in Kemp Town’s Fairtrade Gallery am Glew is a contemporary British artist based in Brighton, who uses unique bleaching techniques with vintage fabrics and flags to create her strong cinematic paintings. Heavily influenced by film, her current ‘Fear’ series focuses on screen stills of women in film noir and horror movies, playing with our notion of paranoia, attraction and the American dream. She is one of the few female urban artists to emerge in recent times and has recently joined the Stella Dore Gallery in London. During the Fairtrade Gallery series of musical and artist events in April, Pam will be exhibiting with a number of other local artists from 16 to 22 April before taking over the gallery space for one week only from 23 to 29 April.

Pam Glew, Fairtrade Gallery, 26 Montague Place, Brighton, 16–29 April

Art listings Bellis Gallery 8-9 Kings Road, Brighton, 01273 747429 James French Photographic exhibition. • Until 27 April, Mon, Wed–Sat 10.30am–6.30pm, Sun 11.30am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens, 01273 292882 Lives Less Photographed: Working Class Life in Brighton, 1860–1935 Exhibition that reveals rare images of local working class life: the people, and the lost areas of Brighton where they lived. • Until 26 April

Fairtrade Gallery 26 Montague Place, Brighton 07790 511576 Binnie, Glew, Sanders, Shuttlewood Group exhibition. • Until 22 April

Pam Glew Local artist whose current ‘Fear’ series focuses on screen stills of women in film noir and horror movies, playing with our notion of paranoia, attraction and the American dream. • 23–29 April

Permanent Gallery Bedford Place, Brighton 01273 710389 Hidden Persuaders Anthem. Exhibition of new paintings, prints and constructions by Louise Bristow. • Until 26 April, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

Pelham House St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes 01273 488600 Artizan Editions Exhibition of printmakers from Artizan Editions plus Hungarian printmaker Nagy Sandor Zoltan. • Until 29 April

Charleston Gallery Charleston Farmhouse 01323 811626 Thurston Hopkins Former graduate of Brighton Art School spent eight years working as a photographer for the Picture Post, capturing the revived spirit of British life as it emerged from the austere aftermath of World War II. •Until 10 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-sea 01424 229111 Susan Collins:Seascape New body of work by this artist who combines digital technologies with the classical traditions of English landscape painting. •Until 14 June, daily 10am–6pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 27

Write club

Events highlights

John O’Donoghue reports on the Brighton Poetry Festival and the delights that await this May he Brighton Poetry Festival returns in May to delight all who recall its glories. tall-lighthouse have taken over the Festival following the much-lamented demise of The South and they retain the same internationalism, excellence, and general air of festivity of previous years. This is the poetry festival that brought us poets from places like Limerick, Ljubljana and Helsinki, who were all received by the mayor in her parlour not two years ago as part of a civic reception. So big thanks to tall-lighthouse for keeping this important date in the cultural calendar very much alive. The Festival launches on Wednesday 13 May with Roddy Lumsden. He’s been editing tall-lighthouse’s Pilot Poets, poets under 30, who will all have their collections under their arms. Joining Roddy will be Vidyan Ravinthiran, Retta Bowen, Emily Berry and Kate Potts, four young poets with very bright futures. Mr Lumsden also has a new collection himself, so see Roddy and his Tribe while you can.

T St George’s challenge

Book launch

A weekend of St George’s Day fun takes place at 1066 Battle of Hastings, Abbey and Battlefield on Saturday 25 and Sunday 26 April in a celebration of the patron saint of England. From 10am until 5pm, on both days the St George’s Day Children’s Challenge will offer a variety of traditional period entertainment. Gallant St George will face up to the dragon in a theatrical adaptation of the story of their legendary battle. Sights and sounds of history will come to life in colourful demonstrations of medieval living history. Youngsters can paint their own knightly shield before they learn knightly training exercises. Re-enactors will perform an amazing series of combats in a medieval tournament. An indoor interactive exhibition will teach visitors more about the 1066 battle and its significance in history.

An evening of dining and entertainment takes place this Thursday 23 April at Carluccio’s in Brighton. Join author Alasdair Scott Sutherland for fine Italian food, wine and literature as he tells the story behind his new book The Spaghetti Tree: Mario and Franco and the Trattoria Revolution. A live Q&A session will feature before all attendees enjoy an authentic, two-course Italian dinner for just £8.50.

A visit costs £6.70 for adults, £5.70 for concessions and £3.40 for children. A family ticket £16.80. For more information call 01424 775705 or visit www.englishheritage.org.uk/battleabbeyandbattlefield.

A two-course meal with coffee is £8.50, or add a glass of wine for £11.50. Thursday 23 April at Carluccio’s, Unit 1, Jubilee Street, Brighton, 01273 690493

Walking fit Diet and lifestyle expert Joanna Hall comes to Champneys City Spa to give a talk this Wednesday. Learn how posture, the right shoes and body movement can help you shed the weight and tone up fast – from walking! Joanna will discuss weight management and how to make walking work for you. A goody bag, refreshments and mini is also available on the night. Joanna Hall at Brighton Champneys City Spa, Wednesday 22 April, 6.30pm–8.30pm, £12.50, please pre-book on 01273 777155

Events listings Wednesday 22 Diet and Lifestyle Expert Joanna Hall Benefit from the fantastic health, fitness and weight loss results walking can bring in this special workshop. Champneys City Spa, Brighton, 6:30pm–8:30pm, £12.50.

Thursday 23 Perspectives on Ancient Egypt Study day to coincide

with the new Ancient Egypt galleries at Brighton Museum. The Old Courtroom, Book on 0300 0290902. 10am–4pm, £25

St George's Day Fun Events include the Children's Challenge, a theatrical adaptation of St George dueling the dragon and sights and sounds of medieval

Next up on Thursday 21 May comes Tom Cunliffe who will be launching his new Pighog Press collection, Teddy Can’t Swim. Pascale Petit reads as well, and there will also be floor spots for those who want to showcase their own work. Tom has long been a luminary of the arts in Brighton, a salty Scouse by the briny blue, so I’m looking forward to wisecracks and wisdom from our very own Mersey Sound. Then a real treat. On Friday 22 May – Elvis! Elvis McGonagall that is, poet-in-residence on R4’s Saturday Live, where he entrances Fi Glover, and lie-a-beds like me. Headlining with him is our very own Bard of Brighton, Brendan Cleary, the Georgie Best of poetry, who can turn an evening on a sixpence, from hilarity to heartbreak in one quick turn. They’re joined by Fleassy Malay, a young local poet and singer, whose jukebox poetics you’ll want to hear. Alex Brockhurst brings the month’s events to an end on Thursday 28 May, upstairs at the Open House. Her collection Black Fen is sure to become a collector’s item – and what’s more this event is free. The Beach Generation’s tide is rising. Catch the wave before it breaks… All events at the Red Roaster Café, 8pm, unless stated otherwise. £5/4 www.tall-lighthouse.co.uk/events.html

Book listings history.. Also 26 April. Battle of Hastings Abbey and Battlefield, 10am–5pm, £tbc.

Saturday 26 Friday 24

“Thanks to tall-lighthouse for keeping this important date very much alive”

Mad Hatters Market Full range of crafts, specialist foods, jewellery and gifts. Come and browse every Saturday and Sunday. Brighton Marina, 11am–4pm

Thursday 23 The Spaghetti Tree Book Launch Author Alasdair Scott Sutherland hosts an evening of fine Italian food, wine and literature as he tells the story behind his brand new book. Carluccio's, 6:30pm, £8.50

Sunday 10 May The Spoken World of... Surreal narratives with a music

hall edge. A mind-altering show. Ages 18+. Komedia Studio, 3pm,. £6/5

Thursday 14 May ‘Twas a Dark and Stormy Night Alan Felton takes the audience into High Victorian literature, from Dickens to Leopold Lewis James House, 2 Brunswick Terrace, Hove, 6pm, also 15 & 16 May, £6/5

Saturday 23 May Prose and Language With Susannah Waters. Look at examples of chosen authors and see how they construct sentences and paragraphs. Incorporate the techniques into your own writing. Jubilee Library, 10am–4pm, £50 non-members/35 members. 01273 735353 for more information.

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28 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★ Friendly Fires

Ireland’s soul With soul and blues in abundance Foy Vance is fast becoming a star in the making. Jeff Hemmings spoke to him

news ▲

Student festival A festival located upon the grounds of the University of Sussex, UniFest will feature two outdoor marquees, three indoor stages, six bars and all with the picturesque Sussex Downs as a backdrop. The eclectic bill includes DJ sets from Kissy Sell Out. Krafy Kutss, plus live sets from the likes of Hot Club de Paris, Peggy Sue, Rosie and The Goldbug, Red Light Company and The Magistrates, with more to be confirmed. This one day event kicks off at 1pm, and tickets cost £15. UniFest, 25 April, University of Sussex. www.ussu.info/unifest

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Line-up of fire Eastbourne’s Winter Gardens are host to a classy line up of bands and DJs over the coming weekend for the second year running, with Brighton’s The Maccabees headlining the 24th. Fresh from playing the NME awards tour, Friendly Fires will be supporting. Alongside there will be a number of local acts playing on a second stage, organised by SDC Rocks in association with South Downs College. And there will be a healthy DJ and MC bill on the 25th including Chase & Status, Andy C, Plan B, Dynamite MC, Shy FX and MC Rage. 24 & 25 April, Eastbourne Winter Gardens. Tickets: 01323 412000

Phenomenal screamo outfit who made it big as an independent band. Saturday 16 May Concorde 2

the

Big

Enter Shikari

n this age of tags where ‘singersongwriter’ could denote anyone of varying ability, from Joni Mitchell to yer hopeless ‘talent’ down at the local open mic, it’s difficult to know which way to turn, and to stop cynicism in its tracks. ‘Yeah, he’s just another singer songwriter,’ could be the world-weary refrain. But if you take time to engage in Foy Vance you might just come out thinking, ‘wow, where did he come from!’ From Bangor in Northern Ireland, Foy has been quietly making an impression throughout the UK, with his lethal combination of good guitar playing,

gig

exceptional songwriting skills and a classic soulblues voice that speak of the “…cathartic nature of my songs… I write them to try and understand the world around me.” Now based in London, Foy is independent of spirit and seemingly not too bothered with record industry machinations. “I decide when and where I go, I like to lead my own hand,” he says. Take the recording of his debut album Hope: “I recorded the album on the Mourne Mountains in Northern Ireland in a cottage I hired up there. I’ve used studios in the past and I’ve always found them a bit difficult when it comes to really getting into the vibe so I figured – I’ll just buy the recording gear I need, hire a cottage, stick a piano in it and record. Every night we’d get the fire burning, open a bottle of wine, put some mics up and record. A lot of what came out of that is what the album is.“ Whether or not it’s southern funk, r’n’b, soul or gospel, his background as the son of a preacher and time spent in the USA growing up have helped shape Foy’s vision. Comparisons with Van Morrison and Otis Redding only begin to tell you how good this guy really is. Latest Music Bar, 29 April

UPCOMING GIGS Ultravox 23 April, Dome Diamanda Galas 2 May, Dome Gallows 2 May, Concorde 2 Art Brut 6 May, Concorde 2 Portico Quartet 6 May, Old Market Po’ Girl 10 May, Westhill Hall The Levellers 11 May, Parlure Spiegeltent Orquesta Aragón 12 May, Dome Great Escape 14-16 May Enter Shikari 16 May, Concorde 2 Bon Iver 18 May, Dome Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Dizzy Gillespie All Stars 21 May, Concorde 2 Antony & The Johnsons 21 May, Dome Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Kristin Hersch 27 May, Duke of Yorks

Terry Callier 28 May, Coalition Shapeshifter 28 May, Concorde 2 Manic Street Preachers 2 June, Dome Florence & The Machine 2 June, Concorde 2 Camille O’Sullivan 5 June, Dome Orbital 10 June, Dome Katy Perry 11 June, Dome Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Billy Bragg 17 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Loop 11-12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28-31 August Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

029_LS420 Musiclist/Musichi

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MUSIC 29

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 21 to Monday 27 April

Tuesday 21 Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy St George's Church, 8pm, £tbc. INME Hair thrashing metal Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc. Manager + 4 or 5 Magicians + Seadog Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Midas Fall + Fusion Scottish based 4-piece drawing influence from post-rock, alt and progressive music. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £4. Olly Hite + Nadia Jasmine Baki + Dave Trigwell Pulls out your heart and shakes it about with just his piano and storytelling vocals. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/5. The Rakes + Sky Larkin Usual blend of casually spoken lyrics over jerky guitars and rumbling bass with indie favourites, The Rakes. Concorde 2, 8pm, £11. Wintermute + Way Tangent Eclectic alternative Indie-Rock and local bunch belting out indie-rock. The Hope, 8pm, £tbc.

Wednesday 22 BirdEatsBaby + Gentleman Starkey + Trousseaux A gloomy cabaret band playing dark theatrical rock, plus rock and surf noir. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4. Brooke Sharky Quadrant, 8pm, free. Cancer Bats Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £5. Club NME with A Scandal in Bohemia + Sennen Experimental and alternative, postpunk, indie and electronica. Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free. Grampall Jookabox Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Ocean Reid Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 7.30pm, free. The Valentines + Cubrik + Combinations Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Thursday 23 Foxes! + Charleyville Indie-pop infused with Nintendo melodies. Fair Trade Gallery, 8pm, £3. Have Fun! With Venetia & The Voltage + Your Army Hot + Lynch Rider Lulu + Platform 13 A night of electronic capers with guitars and DJs. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £4/3. Jouis +The Half Sisters + Glen Belt Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Spear Of Destiny See Highlights. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12.50. Ultravox The long-awaited return of 80s Brit, electronic pop bunch. Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £32.50/29.50. Wild Turkey Freebutt, 7.30pm, free.

Friday 24 Brighton Jazz Club Komedia, 8pm, £12-8. Doll & The Kicks + Mean Poppa Lean + The Third Man Indie Rock. Concorde 2, 7pm, £4. Dropzone Playing eardrum blasting covers from Korn to Rage. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £3. Jay Jay Pistolet Beautiful and unique cocktail of folk and pop. The Hope, 8pm, £6.

Superheroes Party with Justice Force Five + Fantango Thomas Kemp Pub, 8pm, free. The Dancefloor Fillers Rock’n’roll to funk. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7/5. The Devil Sold His Soul Freebutt, 7:30pm, free. The Gin Club + The Shoestrung The April Alternative. Fairtrade Gallery, 8pm, £3. The Jules Franks Band Drum driven, tribal music. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4. We Made God + The Deal Was For The Diamond + Skulldozer Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5.

Saturday 25 Casiotone for the Painfully Alone Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Claire Martin The Old Market, 8pm, £20/22. Discharge Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc. Live & Love Music with Koala Friday + The BabySteps + Becca Hossany + The Teasers + Jenny Stanley Top rock and pop bands. Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £7/6. Playgroup Brighton’s only festival in a pub! Hectors House, 8pm, free. Teenspirit Rock, pop and urban from hot young talent. Concorde 2, 7pm, £6/4. Time Crisis with Matt English & The Murderers + The Lazer Crabs The Hope, 9pm, £4. Two Timers Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Sunday 26

Spear of Destiny Celebrating 26 years of SoD, Kirk Brandon and cohorts are on the road in support of their singles compilation, and the release in 84 of perhaps their best known album One Eyed Jacks. SoD grew out of short-lived post-punk band Theatre of Hate, had a few hits including ‘The Wheel’ and ‘Never Take Me Alive’, and continue to be a powerhouse of a live band that includes members of Bush, Sisters of Mercy/The Mission and New Model Army. Brandon’s distinctive deep howl hasn’t dampened with time, and on this tour they will be performing One Eyed Jacks in its entirety as well as delving into their extensive back catalogue. Thursday 23 April, Concorde 2 Bonnie Prince Billy One of only two UK dates for this star of the alt-rock movement. Hugely revered here in the UK, he’s been releasing top drawer work since his 93 debut, There Is Noone What Will Take Care Of You. 14 albums later, Will Oldham’s work encompass folk, blues, indie rock, punk, American and, on his last album Beware, country. The man can do little wrong in the eyes of the faithful, and so this should be a special affair in a special venue. Tuesday 21 April, St George’s Church Cancer Bats Rising above the grey, soulless and clinical nature of much of ‘screamo’, Cancer Bats are a hoot. There’s a rock’n’roll beast

lurking in the shadows, where things are not taken too seriously, and there is no danger of deep depression nor counter-productive human loathing, a feature of so much ‘screamo’. Instead the CBs rampage all over the shop via monster riffs, and enormous power, with what can only be described as dumb-ass nous. Of course, I may be totally mistaken, (dude) and they may want to feed my grannie‘s face to their pet bats… Wednesday 22 April, Engine Rooms Doll & The Kicks The Kicks were hand-picked by Morrissey to be his support act for the lengthy UP and European tour. And so this will be the band‘s last Brighton gig before they venture into the strange world of Mozzer and his lunatic fans. We should give them a right old blast off! Friday 24 April, Concorde 2 The April Alternative The Fairtrade Gallery in Kemp Town has been playing host to a number of intimate gigs this month and this week there are a couple of good ones to explore; young indie kids Foxes! and Charleyville are on 23 April, while the following night sees the R’n’B beat scamps The Shoestrung play with the excellent Gin Club. Thursday 23 April & Friday 24 April, Fairtrade Gallery

Bonnie Prince Billy

Calvin Harris 80s-influenced electroclash floorfillers. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £10. Eugene Robinson (U.S.) + The Bobby McGees Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Madeleine Peyroux Warm and enigmatic jazz songstress. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £20/18. Mike Davies Soul, blues and pop. Sidewinder, 8pm, free. Paul Diello Emotive lyrics and haunting vocals. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/3.50. The Bishops Floppy-haired indie troupe. Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. The Moonwalk Charity Event Chantelle Rowe and Stone Love playing Soul, Funk and Jazz. The Hanbury Club, 8pm, £7.

Monday 27 Breakthrough with Rough Trade with The Foxes + The Dolphin Parade + The National Express Featuring the best alternative breaking acts around. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4. Communion Presents ‘So Darn So’ Genre defying array of breaking bands and cult acts. The Hanbury Club, 7pm, £tbc. Esser Fusing trippy electro, experimental pop with raw lyrics. Komedia, 7pm, £6. Nightmare Of You Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc. Vessels + Everyone to the Anderson Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Jaime Pettit

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Sun 26 Apr Jo Harman & Carl Hudson Sun 3 May Sara Oschlag & Terry Seabrook Sun 10 May Magdalena Reising

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030_LS420 reviews/chart

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30 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases ales‘ finest oddball multi-linguists Super Furry Animals are a prolific bunch these days, churning out album after album (via their numerous side projects) and slowly yet surely raising their profile and standing, to the point where they are on the verge of going Major League. Whether Dark Days/Light Years can help them along remains to be seen, but again it’s an excellent document of the quirky funk-psyche-rock sound they have fine tuned over the years. In fact, it could be their best yet! Eddie Argos and his Art Brut are back in action with a new album Art Brut vs Satan, a high octane journey via his observational diaries and his love of rock’n’roll. Hence, whilst sounding nothing like some of his heroes, some of the titles refer directly to bands (The Replacements) while others directly nick song titles (‘The Passenger’, ‘Twist & Shout’). Argos’s talking/shouting style is a constant factor within; there really is no band like this one. Irish singer songwriter David Kitt is a prolific boy; The Nightsaver is his sixth album this decade, and once again, shines a welcome light into the gloom and doom of UK Plc 2009. Intimate, soulful and pp orientated, Kitt’s gentle electronic indie is cerebral yet playful. The third in Struts’s Inspiration Information studio collaboration is an inspired teaming of African bandleader Mulatu Astatke and The Heliocentrics collective. Astatke’s Ethio-jazz sound flourished during the ‘Swinging Addis’ era of the late 60s, where he successfully fused Western jazz and funk with traditional Ethiopian folk melodies, five scale tonal arrangements. Meanwhile The Heliocentrics are a free-thinking collective inspired by a wide musical palette that includes Sun Ra, James Brown and psych. Their week-long collaboration is a beautiful collision, harking back to a long lost era (60s and 70s) but somehow utterly contemporary. Deep grooves, blasting horns, searing guitar and sound effects; a veritable mash-up of complementary flavours, textures and rhythms. Laura Groves aka Blue Roses is from the unlikely environs of Shipley in West Yorkshire. Her extraordinary debut album is folkish in tone, but influenced by the likes of Joni Mitchell and Kate Bush. Using her superb voice to create haunting harmonies, a plethora of friends, and just guitar and piano, the resulting self-titled album has been released on XL (Radiohead, etc) imprint Salvia Recordings. Stark and spacious, this is an album that shouldn’t be made by one so young. But it has been, and for that we can only gawp in admiration.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall – Everytime ★ 2 Last Days of Lorca – Big Green Parcel Machine 3 Chaos Borne – Watching. 4 sMs – I'm Sorry Dave 5 Monsters Build Mean Robots – Chimes Breakthrough Light To Reach Us 6 Glitters From Billy – Holiday 7 Mr Resonate – All That I’m Not 8 Cath O'Drae – Mugged By The System 9 Mr Resonate – Say What You Mean 10 Sparker – 1000 Days (Now I Want You) Chilled jazzy vocals and plucky guitar have shot Victoria Ferguson and Ben Ingall through the chart to reach number one, closely followed by ‘post-indie’ Chichester band Last Days of Lorca. For now it seems that synthesised beats are losing out to the accoustic movement, maybe next week Chaos Borne and sMs can swing it back around? 11 Mr Resonate The Opposite Vibe feat. North Laine & Lionheart 12 Xam Xam Bu Ngen Munt 13 Thunk Micromophone 14 The Mojo Fins Always Now 15 Chaos Borne The Moment 16 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts 17 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 18 No Sharp Objects Home 19 Cakeboy Damage featuring Frances Law 20 Breakinbear Breeze 21 Rosko For Your Ears Only 22 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 23 The Mystic Wizards The Vulture Song 24 Bucket-Joy Jaded 25 Millsy Slug Music Power

26 Tubba 3 Ply Gerhard 27 Tenek If I Should Fall – ep version 28 Lithurgy The Scourge 29 Abstrakt Matchstick Mayhem 30 The Mighty Rivals Something In My Way 31 sMs Airport Dreaming 32 Go Johnny Go Wash Out Night Out 33 The Mystic Wizards The Vulture Song 34 The Winter Club Mix Tapes That Lucy Made 35 Mean Poppa Lean Ain't Nobody 36 Jaybee Miles To Go 37 Stupid Kid Lost 38 Offcuts Flesh 39 The Voodoo Trombone Quartet Do It Your Own Way 40 R21 Proved You Wrong

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 190

HAS MOVED TO BRIGHTON

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ACROSS: 3 Cut-throat 7 Tea 8 Renaissance 10 Reeve 11 Gleaned 13 Nestle 14 Lashes 17 England 19 Calve 20 Personation 22 Cad 23 Addressee DOWN: 1 Utterance 2 Barley-sugar 3 Conceal 4 Things 5 Haste 6 Arc 9 Nonchalance 12 Desperado 15 Archive 16 Ideals 18 Atone 21 End Solution to Quick 190

ACROSS: 3 Desertion 7 Ode 8 Regrettable 10 Cools 11 Groaned 13 Remiss 14 Prayer 17 Senator 19 Spend 20 Everlasting 22 Eli 23 Dairy-maid DOWN: 1 Postcards 2 Performance 3 Digests 4 Sledge 5 Ratio 6 Oil 9 Bandylegged 12 Dare-devil 15 Rescind 16 Frusta 18 Tally 21 Via © Crossword Shop

031_LS420_Clublist/Clubhi

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BARS & CLUBS 31

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 21 to Monday 27 April

Tuesday 21

the dark side of house. 10.30pm–3.30am, £15/5. Komedia Da Doo Ron Ron. 60s femme pop. 11pm, £6/5. Latest Music Bar Itchy Fingers. Eclectic mix of rock ‘n’ roll, pop, rock and country. 9pm, £6/5. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house. 10pm–3am, £5/4.

Wednesday 22

Saturday 25

Arc Life Is Easy. A Mid-week interlude of indie classics. 10pm, free b4 12/£1 after. Audio Supercharged. Funked-out, bass-laden beats. 11pm–2:30am, £5/4. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live NME bands & DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. Unpretentious Pop, electro and house.11pm–6am, £3/2. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’B, Hip Hop, Dance Hall and Funky House. 10pm–3am, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father for I Have Synth’d. 80s electro. 11pm–3am, £tbc Followed by: Genetics. 2.30am–7am, £2.

Arc Hold Up. Unpretentious Indie night.. 10.30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. House and NuDisco. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Wired. Tech and electro. 11pm–4am, £10/8. Followed by: De Puta Madre. 3am-8am, £5/3. Concorde 2 Devotion. DJ Hype, the pillar of D’n’B alongside Dillinja. 11pm–4am, £10. Cuckoo Club Muzika. Cutting edge and funky retro house. 10pm–4am, £10/8. Digital Shades Rave – Spring Ball. Electro house and Mash Up. 11pm–4am, £10/7. Engine Rooms Lowlife. Goth and glam rock night. 11pm–3am, £5. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove. 10pm–3am, £10. Funky Buddha Lounge Electric Disco. Electro and party classics. 3am, £5. Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50. Hanbury Club We Luv Pop – Baggy Special. 7pm–2am, £8/6. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music. 8pm-4am, free b4 11/6 after. New Hero It Is Still 1985. Alternative 80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3. Ocean Rooms Wonky The After Party. Electro, Minimal and Tech House. 3.30am–8am, £5/3. Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, Funky House, Commercial. 10pm–3am, £10-5. Sussex University UniFest. 5 arenas, 6 bars and 4,000 people! Indie, Rock, Folk, D’n’B, Electro and Dubstep. 1pm–10:30pm, £15. The Basement The Twilight Club Presents – Enter The Spirit World. 8pm, £8/6. Volks Mayhem. Ultimate Hardcore, Old Skool and Freeform Night . 11pm–4am, £5 b4 12. Water Margin Logo. 3am, £7/5.

Thursday 23 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. Trashy pop, indie classics and retro hits. 11pm, £1. Brighton Coalition Love Blow. R’n’B, funky house and floor-fillers.10.30pm–3am, £2/1 NUS. Digital Thursday Club. Toddla T. 11pm, £6.50. Funky Buddha Lounge Old Kool. Classic house. 10.30pm–3am, £free–£3. New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2 Om Bar and Club Thank Funk It’s Thursday. Funk, dub, reggae and dub-step. 8:30pm, free. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2 Water Margin Love Lockdown. DJs and special guests. 7.30pm, ladies free all night.

Friday 24 Al Duomo Inside Out Launch Party. Disco, electro funk and tech. 9pm–6am, free/£3. Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s night. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Battlejam. Maverick turntablism from JFB and Beardyman. 11pm–4am, £tbc. Brighton Coalition Carnivalesque. Live bands, DJs and festival capers! 10:30pm–4am, £11/6. Concorde 2 The Mash Up. With DJ Krust and Faith SFX. 11pm, £7/5 NUS. Digital Stonelove. 101% indie rock’n’roll with DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £4. Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Funky Buddha Lounge Bobby & Steve Present.... 11pm–6am, free/£6. Funky Fish The Funkyfish.10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Hanbury Club Mojo To Go Go. Swinging 60s psychedelia. 7pm–2am, £5/4. Honey Club Hed Kandi. A musical digression to

Mayhem A night of happy hardcore with DJ ‘Scratchmaster’ SY and more of the old school raver beat bringers.Volks is at its best when brimming with diehard clubbers, not to be missed if this is your thing, the best of the best. Saturday 25 April, Volks

with Jaime Pettit UniFest From 1.30pm to 10.30pm Sussex Uni brings us UniFest. Run on the campus with five arenas, six bars and music ranging from Folk to Drum ‘n’ Bass. UniFest has something for everyone: Dance to Kissey Sell Out or rock with the Mystery Jets there are over 30 acts available to make this the best day of Uni ever! Friday 24 April, Sussex University campus. Inside Out Launch Party Giving Pizza restaurants a naughty name this week is Al Duomo, back for a night of electro funk up top and minimal down below. ‘Evil’ Eddie Richards is taking leave of Fabric to make it special and the Go Bang DJs are holding down the fort for the local music makers. Saturday 25 April, Al Duomo.

Twilight Step out of Brighton and into The Spirit World for a fanciful night of parlour games and bohemian display. Candle light and singsongs are order of the eve with adventures and japery aplenty. Twilight returns to Brighton for its second season of frivolity so dress in something floaty and mooch on down for an alternative night time experience. Saturday 25 April, The Basement (Jubilee St) Kissey Sell Out

Twilight Photo: Greg Wilson

Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Its ***King Good. Prescription cheese and chart. 10:30pm, £1. Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10.30pm–2am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions.11pm–4am, £2/free.

InsideOut

Sunday 26 Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B. 10pm–3am, £5/3. Honey Club Cafe Mambo. Chilled beach vibes. 5pm–11pm, free.

Monday 27 Coalition Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe. 10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1 Om Bar and Club Spun. D’n’B student bash. 8:30pm, £3. Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2.30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit

★

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032_LS420 gay news

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32 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Frockless Drag stars will be seen without their glamorous outfits for a special fringe performance. Five well known faces will sing with Brighton and Hove (Actually) Gay Men’s Chorus for the ‘Coming Out of Make Up’ show during Brighton Festival Fringe. Audiences will have the chance to see David Raven (Maisie Trolette), Jason Sutton (Miss Jason), Scott Burey (Drag with no name), Dave Lynn and Robert James (Lady James) as they have never seen them before – without their frocks. The performance at St Andrew’s Church, Waterloo Street, Hove on 23 May will be conducted by Jason Pimblett. Jason said: “We are delighted to be singing with these five supremely talented and well loved entertainers. It will be a unique event; an evening of superb entertainment with great songs and not to be missed.” Proceeds will go to the Mayor’s charities. Tickets are £10 each and available from the Dome box office, the Iron Duke, the Aquarium Bar, The Bulldog and on the door. Also as part of the fringe, the chorus’s Jason Pimblett and Gerry McCrudden will perform at St Andrew’s for An Evening with Gerry McCrudden and Friends on 18 May at 6pm. The Chorus, which recently redesigned its website www.bhagmc.org, is planning Pride concerts on 30 and 31 July.

Gerry McCrudden

Charity day Colleagues of a barmaid who died from cancer are holding a charity day in her memory. Nikki Andrews had worked at The Zone in St James’s Street, Brighton, for a couple of years before she was diagnosed with cancer. Friends will hold the fundraising day on Sunday 26 April to mark the first anniversary of her death and raise money for the Martlets

Dave Lynn

Hospice which cared for her. Colleage James Carden said: “They really looked after her. This is to support them as they are a very local charity and they help out so many people. I don’t think they get as much appreciation as they deserve.” From 11am to 11pm bar staff will organise games such as Call My Bluff, Deal or No Deal, Play Your Cards Right, a quiz, a raffle and karaoke. Admission will be free of charge and customers will be asked if they want to make a donation.

Loving memory Romany Mark Bruce writes about the highs and lows of creating Brighton’s Aids Memorial hen I first submitted my proposals for the Aids Memorial at the end of August 2007, for a modern landmark sculpture of two intertwined figures soaring upwards, little did I know that there would be so many ups and downs ahead. After almost six months of trying to find premises large enough to accommodate the structure I was given the use of a converted cowshed deep in the Sussex countryside. An armature was built in steel, I took delivery of half a ton of clay, and in May 2008 commenced work on my biggest ever project. After three months of hard work, one day I had that weird sense of something happening. I put my hands up to the sculpture above me and to my horror felt pressure, it was moving. I was rather alarmed and rather than make a run for it I stood there and the clay slowly fell around me in a ‘Buster Keaton-type’ fashion. Three months of very hard work, and half a ton of clay collapsed in a heap on the floor. A new, and much improved, armature was soon up and I saw the seasons change from up a ladder, where I spent most of my time. November however saw another ‘down time’. One of the figures was not working in harmony with the other, and down came the upper body. At the beginning of December Meridian Television visited my studio and filmed the sculpture for World Aids Day and it was featured in the lunch time and evening news. In January 2009 I neared completion. Then the extremes in temperature upset plans. The mould makers from the foundry had been due to visit the studio in the middle of January and take the rubber mould. They cancelled due to the bad weather. Worse, however, was to come. The temperature at the farm was minus five during the day and minus 13 at night! The sculpture froze solid, and when it thawed lost all its integrity melting like chocolate. Lumps of clay began to crash down, and losing the entire sculpture was a real prospect. Luckily after days of wrapping in bubble wrap I was able to save most of the sculpture, and after several weeks of restoration the mould makers were able to take the mould. The mould is now at the foundry, and the bronze should be poured in the summer. Hopefully the Memorial will go up in the New Steine in the autumn of 2009, and stay up!

Progress of the Aids Memorial can be seen in an exhibition at Romany’s Open House during the Brighton Festival – No Back Door, 30 George St, Brighton BN2 1RH, open every Saturday and Sunday in May from 11am to 6pm, and at his website www.romanymarkbruce.com

033_LS420 gay listings

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LATEST GAY 33

Gay listings Tuesday 21 to Monday 27 April Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free. Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free. Ghetto Quiz Alicious & Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free. Legends Relax– It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free. Queen‘s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free. Revenge Playground. School Disco with a twist. Trax from the 80s, 90s and 00s! 10.30pm–3am, free to NUS & those in uniform/£3 others. The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack of Brighton for scene staff and students. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 22 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Brighton Tavern Wednesday's Wine Club. 12pm, free. Charles Street Bar Weekly Gameshow. A new spin on game shows. 8.30pm, free. Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s tastic cheese with a sprinkling of goth! 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi‘s Bona Bingo. Hosted by the TV show host and desperate housewife. 9pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-House Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 Revenge Guilty. Big funky and electro beats. 11pm–3am, free NUS or b4 12/£2 after Star Inn Charity Jukebox. 12pm–11pm, free. The Basement Play. Uplifting house and dance anthems with DJ Lil Alex. 11pm–4am, free.

Thursday 23 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. £1.25 a pint, £1 a bottle, small wine or shot. 8pm–11pm, £1. Charles Street Club Religion. Funky house with Mother Superior Joan Bond, Tony B and Mikalis. 10pm–3am, £4/3 NUS. Ghetto HDSM. Leather to lycra with Jon Byrne splashing out hard dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3. Legends Cabaret Lounge. 9.30pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free. Queen‘s Arms See Tues. 12pm-3am, free. R-Bar I Can‘t Wait For The Weekend To Begin. Dulcie Danger sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls On Top. Golden Handbag winning night. Deck Heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out chart and pop remixes. 10.30pm4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after. The Basement Boys Below. Men only night. DJ Phil Marriott plays a mix of chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free.

Friday 24 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished up by Ruby Roo and Connie Conway. Bar open 11am, free. Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. Plus the fabulous Cassidy Conners and Connie Conway. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3. Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girls Night. 2 floors of mayhem with DJs. 8pm–2am, free. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes with DJ Andy B. Plus unlimited drinks for £20! 9pm, free. R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Lollipop Vs Housexual. With Stewart T, DJ Hollie and guests. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after. The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Double the DJ power with Alex Baker playing girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free.

Sunday Sundae

Saturday 25 Amsterdam Sun Downers. Enjoy the best beach house music in Brighton. 8pm–2am, free. Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A blend of Gogo boys, feathered girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Party Night. Marly DJs slamming fab tunes plus live music and gorgeous people. 8pm–2am, free. Queen‘s Arms Karaoke Party With Kamp Kevin. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30–5.30pm). Then party! Bar open 12pm–12.30am, free. R-Bar Kinky Baby. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 2 top DJs, 2 floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics. 10.30pm–4am, £7/3. The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free. The PV at The Jury‘s Out Saturday Madness. The best in Brighton duets from 4.30pm, then from 8.30pm house DJs! Bar open 12pm, free.

Sunday 26 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch & Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free. Audio Sunday Sundae. Playing plenty of disco tinged classic dance and funky vocal electro filth with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3. Charles Street Bar Showtime. Performance from Lizzie Drip. 7.15pm, free. Ghetto Nervous Twitch. Fresh krunked up electro fashion party. 9pm, free. Legends Sunday Cabaret with Topping & Butch. Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. Served up by resident Drag King Jack Roquard. 7pm, £1 per entrant. Queen‘s Arms Cabaret & Candi Rell‘s Karaoke. Cabaret with Lola Lasagne (5.30pm). 12pm, free. R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. Becky Max Miller‘s acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by Miss Jason‘s barmy bingo! 12pm–2am, free. Revenge TBLG Remixed. The Sussex Uni society launch a new monthly bash of live bands and alternative trax. 8pm–1am, £3. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander. 11pm–4am, free.

Monday 27 Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player. Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin party tracks spanning the last four decades with drinks promos. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Mash-up of indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn & Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free. R-Bar Miss Jason‘s Mad house. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free. The Basement Back To The 80s & 90s. Let DJ Steve Lush whisk you back with his nostalgic floor-fillers. 11pm–4am, free.

Photo by: chrisjepson.com

Tuesday 21

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34 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

21 – 27 APRIL

talkback thames/syco tv for itv1

She says it how she sees it

Britain’s Got Talent ITV1 Saturdays t’s back and there is no escaping it. Already the papers are full of images of the loved as well as laughed off contestants. YouTube will be flooded with yet more footage of disgruntled relatives mouthing off at Simon Cowell, the audience will cheer anyone who removes their clothes, those contestants will be put through to the next round, but obviously have no hope of actually getting to the Royal Variety Performance as, let’s face it, the Queen won’t want to spend her evening watching some larger lady frolicking in stockings and suspenders. Is this show just a talent contest too far? Giving the audience free reign to cheer or boo as they see fit could almost be called cruel, but the fact that family members let their obviously talentless relatives walk onto the stage in the first place could be more so. But the cruelty factor is not the only thing that appears to make this show so popular. Singing sickly sweet children seem to be a big selling point. Personally, the idea of hearing ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow‘ sung by yet another gap toothed toddler is more than I can stand. If the ‘coming up next week’ segment so much as has a glimpse of a child on it I will be boycotting! I say boycotting but in all honesty I haven’t watched enough to boycott. Ant and Dec host again, wincing and making surprised faces from the wings of the stage. Personally, I couldn’t think of anything worse to follow on from being booed off stage by the public then being harassed by two of the smallest men in show business. Because this show is borderline cruel it is popular. I hate to say it but as a nation it appears that we enjoy nothing more than a show in which people humiliate themselves for a chance to be voted for by the public. I am one of those people that watches the auditions because I find the majority of them highly amusing, the ones I don’t find amusing are just too cringeworthy for words. But I can’t help but feel bad for laughing at the folk singing, dancing or prancing in hope of admiration. The big question however is, what is going to get bigger during this series? Simon Cowell‘s wallet, Piers‘s ego or Amanda‘s lips (allegedly)? I suppose we will just have to wait until the end to find out!

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks

SATURDAY 24 My Best Friend’s Wedding ★★★★✩✩ (1997,Channel 4, 9pm. Dir Michel Gondry) Sparkling romantic comedy about a woman who tries to sabotage her best friend’s nuptials when she realises that she is in love with him. The wedding is in only four days’ time, so she must act quickly. She recruits a gay colleague to masquerade as her own fiancé and endeavours to scupper her friend’s conjugal plans and win his heart.

WEDNESDAY 21 The In-Laws ★★★✩✩

(2003, ITV, 11.05pm. Dir Andrew Fleming) Remake of the 1979 comedy about a podiatrist who discovers that the father of his daughter’s fiance is an undercover CIA agent, and becomes embroiled in a mission to foil a French criminal. As the agent’s activities become ever more mysterious, the nervous doctor sees visions of his daughter’s perfectly planned wedding going up in smoke.

FRIDAY 23

Be Kind Rewind★★★✩✩ (2008, Sky Movies Indie, 8.15pm. Dir Michel Gondry) Charming, intertextual tribute to the cinematic arts, this comedy about a man whose brain becomes magnetized unintentionally destroys every tape in his friend's video store. In order to satisfy the store's most loyal renter, an ageing woman with signs of dementia, the two men set out to remake the lost films

SUNDAY 25

The Business ★★✩✩✩ (2005, Channel 4, 10.50pm. Dir Nick Love) Starring Danny Dyer, Tamer Hassan, Geoff Bell, Georgina Chapman and Camille Coduri. Violent Brit gangster movie set in Spain’s Costa del Crime in the 80s. The rise and fall of a criminal empire is viewed through the eyes of an apprentice gangster adopted by two hardcase South London villains. Green Card ★★★★✩ (1990, BBC1, 11pm. Dir Peter Weir) Starring Gerard Depardieu. Romantic comedy about an unlikely couple who arrange a marriage of convenience to their mutual benefit. Young American woman Bronte is desperate to move into an apartment with a fantastic greenhouse which is only available to a married couple, while he, Georges, is a French musician who requires a green card to stay in America.

Monday 26

Shadowlands ★★★★✩ (1993, ITV3, 11.10pm. Dir Richard Attenborough) Brilliant love story starring Anthony Hopkins, set in 1950s focusing on reserved, middle aged bachelor C. S. Lewis, an Oxford University academic at Magdalen College and author of The Chronicles of Narnia series of children‘s books, and his relationship with divorced American poet Joy Gresham and her young son Douglas.

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tuesday 21 The Speaker BBC2, 8pm Broadcaster and journalist Kate Silverton puts the Speakers through their paces as the teenagers take on the daunting task of becoming news reporters. Each has to broadcast a live news report from London Zoo which is beamed, via satellite, to newscaster Matthew Amroliwala in the BBC Studios.

Confessions ITV1, 10.35pm Thousands of households let nannies into their homes to care for their children – but can they be really trusted? This programme reveals tales of broken marriages, wrecked homes and short-cuts to childcare taken by some nannies while left to their own devices by unsuspecting parents.

Drinking With The Girls BBC3, 9pm Cherry Healey explores women‘s attitudes to alcohol. Cherry finds out what girls drink, where they drink and how their tastes change. From teenagers drinking in their bedrooms to grannies on a boozy trip, she hears people‘s embarrassing drunken secrets and sees how some women want to grow old disgracefully.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Uncle Max 4.05 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Taste The Nation

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 Great British Brands 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Rescue Remedies 12.40 Back To You 1.10 FILM: North To Alaska (1960) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders An excited Zainab prepares for her mystery date, unaware that she has been rumbled by Mas. Denise is horrified when Patrick resolves to confront a dying Tommy, and Jack and Roxy go on a clandestine date. 8.00 Holby City Tom learns to be honest with his dad, and then makes a confession to Ric before leaving Holby. 9.00 All The Small Things Drama about the trials and tribulations of a small town choir. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Georgia’s Story: 33 Stone At 15 Georgia is 15 years old and weighs 33 stone. This documentary follows the teenager from South Wales on a journey miles from her home to the Wellspring Academy in North Carolina, USA, a residential school for obese children. 11.25 Damages Patty refuses to settle out of court. Maddox suspects Kendrick of illegal insider dealing that might harm the company. 12.10am FILM: If Only... (1998) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.15 Sign Zone: The Hottest Place On Earth 3.15 Sign Zone: MasterChef 3.45 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Steve Davis plays his 81st match at the Crucible against Australia‘s Neil Robertson. 8.00 The Speaker See highlights. 9.00 Horse People With Alexandra Tolstoy Alexandra sets off to explore the vibrant horse culture of Montana. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Madness, Bat for Lashes, Malian superstar Oumou Sangare, Yusuf Islam, Hockey, William Elliot Whitmore. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 21st Century Bach York Minster’s organist John Scott Whiteley plays JS Bach’s ornamental setting of the Lutheran Gloria, Allein Gott in der Höh. 11.30 Professor Regan’s... Professor Regan takes on the diet industry. She will discover what to eat to lose 10lbs a year, find a diet pill that actually works, investigate if we should be taking vitamins, and uncover a low-fat product that can really be trusted. 12.30am World Snooker Highlights 1.20 World Championship Snooker 3.20 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Zak returns home to a cold reception. Victoria is disappointed when Andy tells her that Daz is moving out. Leyla makes David work hard to regain her favour. 8.00 Cops With Cameras More footage of the UK’s police forces from the heart of the action. 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen Marco Pierre White has more kitchen challenges for our celebrity hopefuls. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Confessions See highlights. 11.05 Police, Camera, Action! Nearly a thousand people a year are killed in crashes involving big trucks and vans – the vehicles are so huge, even the smallest mistake can be fatal. Often drivers do not even see the people they hit, because of the vehicle‘s blind spots. Also including a graphic demonstration of what happens to cyclists who do not heed safety warnings. Presented by Alastair Stewart and Adrian Simpson. 11.35 Guinness Premiership Rugby Craig Doyle presents highlights from the weekend’s games. 12.35am Supernatural 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons A Hollywood movie star arrives in Springfield but only has eyes for one of the lucky male residents. 6.30 Hollyoaks Leila visits Hannah in hospital and tells her that Ash caused the accident. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder Short film about lives in a block of flats. 8.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix Gok Wan comes to the aid of Ali Kennedy in Newcastle, whose wardrobe is full to bursting with sale bargains that she never wears. Comedian Alan Carr succumbs to a manly makeover. 9.00 The Hospital The final episode in the series looks at the cost of Britain’s increasingly obese teens. 10.00 Shameless The Gallagher family is rocked when an unexpected visit from the social services catches them off guard. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory US sitcom about two brainy but socially inept physicists. 11.40 My Name Is Earl While Earl is in a coma, his mind creates an alternative sitcom world where he is married to Billie. 12.05am PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 1.05 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.25 The Cooper Tyres 2.50 KOTV Classics 3.45 Full Metal Challenge 4.45 Time Team 5.40 The Cubeez 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Rachel reveals that Roman could have brain damage. 6.30 Zoo Days Baby giraffe Margaret woos the crowd at Chester Zoo as she goes on a family outing. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency The Royal Navy rescue team is called out to a severely injured walker 8.00 Baboon Woman Karin Sachs has devoted ten years of her life to living and working with baboon troops, and has even learned how to talk to them. When a sick baby baboon is left in her care, can she re-introduce him into the wild? 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The CSIs probe three apparently unrelated murders, only to discover they are all connected to a con man with multiple identities. The investigation uncovers a bizarre trail of antique vases, misfiring guns, sibling rivalry and pets named Gareth. 10.00 CSI: Miami The team discover a wire on a charred body at an incinerated meth lab. 11.00 CSI: NY Competitive dog owners become the prime suspects in a murder investigation when Mac probes the death of a dog trainer. 12.00am The Shield 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.30 NBA Basketball 4.20 IndyCar 5.10 Neighbours. 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Big League Weekend 10.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.30 Big League Weekend 1.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.30 British Rally Championship 3.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.30 Big League Weekend 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.15 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 10.45 Revista De La Liga 11.45 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 12.15am Ford Football Special 1.45 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 2.15 Football Asia 2.45 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 3.15 Ford Football Special 4.45 Revista De La Liga 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Elite League Speedway 12.00pm Extra Time 12.30 Poker 2.30 Extra Time 3.00 Elite League Speedway 5.00 NFL 6.00 Sporting Ireland 6.30 360 Series 7.00 Mountain Bike World 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker 11.30 NFL 12.30am Motor Racing 2.00 Pool

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 H2O Sports International 7.00 Extra Time 7.30 World Hockey Monthly 8.00 Rally 9.00 Poker 11.00 Aerobics 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm H2O Sports International 12.30 Rally 1.30 World Hockey Monthly 2.00 Adrenaline Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 World Hockey Monthly 3.30 H2O Sports International 4.00 Champions League Weekly 4.30 Extra Time 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Sports Unlimited 8.00 Pool 9.00 Airsports World 9.30 Sporting Ireland 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Pool 12.00am Bass Fishing 1.00 H2O Sports International 1.30 World Hockey Monthly 2.00 Sporting Ireland Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 The Lion Man 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle 5.00 Bondi Vet 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Night Cops 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 FILM: Trading Places (1983) 1.15am Road Wars 2.10 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle 8.00 My Life As An Animal: Pigs 9.00 Drinking With The Girls 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Drinking With The Girls 12.45am Snog Marry Avoid? 1.15 Bizarre ER 1.45 My Life As An Animal: Pigs 2.45 Two Pints

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Landscape Mysteries 8.00 Ian Hislop’s Scouting For Boys 9.00 Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People 9.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 The Thick Of It Special 11.45 Citizen Smith (x6) 2.45am I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 3.15 The Thick Of It Special

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Mr And Mrs 8.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 9.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 11.20 FILM: Thirteen (2003) 1.25am Ladette To Lady

12.00pm Heartbeat 1.05 Ballykissangel 2.05 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 3.15 The Turn Of The Screw 5.20 Home To Roost 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Poirot 9.00 Sharpe’s Challenge 10.40 Sharpe’s Challenge Behind The Scenes 11.45 Poirot 12.50am Dempsey And Makepeace

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years (x2) 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.05am My Name Is Earl 1.35 Ugly Betty

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Zoo 11.40 Come Dine With Me 12.40am True Stories: Zoo

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Living With The Dead 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Crime Museum UK 2.30 Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Deadliest Catch Up 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2): 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek (x2) 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 9.50 FILM: Flu Birds (2008) 11.40 FILM: Godsend (2004) 1.20am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

2.10pm Road To Bali (1952) 3.45 The Top 10 Show 4.00 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 5.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 7.20 The Out-of-Towners (1970) 9.00 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 10.35 Arabesque (1966) 12.25am I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

12.40pm Mulholland Drive (2001) 3.10 Away From Her (2006) 5.10 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 7.15 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 10.00 In Bruges (2008) 11.50 Requiem For A Dream (2000) 1.35am In Bruges (2008) 3.30 Top 10 Show

1.00pm If You Could Only Cook (1936) 2.25 The Iron Petticoat (1956) 4.15 The Destructors (1967) 6.20 The Core (2003) 9.00 The Tailor Of Panama (2001) 11.10 City Of God (2002) 1.45am Hamaca Paraguaya (2006) 3.10 Movie Rush 3.25 Close

7.15am Promises In The Dark (1979) 9.20 My Favorite Year (1982) 11.00 The Defector (1966) 1.00pm Marriage On The Rocks (1965) 3.00 Ice Station Zebra (1968) 5.40 Montana (1950) 7.00 My Giant (1998) 9.00 Caddyshack II (1988) 10.50 That’ll Be The Day (1973) 12.40am Caddyshack II (1988) 2.35 Fame (1980)

3.40pm Just Good Friends 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Porridge 6.20 My Family 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Steptoe And Son 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Only Fools And Horses 11.10 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.50 Harry Enfield And Chums 12.30am The Royle Family

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Scrubs

Classics

Indie

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wednesday 22 The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm Almost halfway through the job interview from hell, the candidates must put their creative heads on when they are given the task of launching a brand identity for a new breakfast cereal. As Nick and Margaret look on, another candidate will reach the end of the road as Sir Alan tells them “You‘re fired!“.

Restoration Revisited BBC2, 9pm Restoration had a huge impact on how the nation thought about its deteriorating historic buildings, all with compelling cases. Griff Rhys Jones revisits some of the buildings, their stories and the campaigners who captured the nation‘s heart, discovering what has happened since and to find out what their future now holds.

Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture BBC4, 9pm Series about the 20th century history of British farming. This edition charts changes in the way fruit and veg was grown, picked and sold. Home movies and archive footage reveal the revolution in fruit picking and the impact supermarkets had on small and medium sized growers.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Uncle Max 4.05 Paradise Cafe 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.15pm The Chancellor’s Budget An ITV News Special 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Taste The Nation

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 9.55 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 Postmodern Pastimes 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Brief History Of Fun 12.50 Back To You 1.20 FILM: Storm Over The Nile (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.10 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.50 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten! 12.15pm House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten! 12.40 Zoo Days 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: Columbo: Grand Deceptions (1989) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 9.30 Ford Football Special 11.00 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 11.30 Revista De La Liga 12.30pm Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 Hatton v Pacquiao 24/7 4.00 Ford Football Special 5.30 Football Asia 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.15 Ford Football Special 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Spanish Football 1.30 Ford Football Special 3.00 Poker 4.30 Ford Football Special

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 8.00 Waterloo Road Grantly‘s dislike popular teacher leads a school trip to take a dangerous turn for the worst. 9.00 The Apprentice See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Budget Statement By The Chancellor Of The Exchequer 10.40 The National Lottery Draws Myleene Klass live from Lottery HQ. 10.50 The Street Joe Jennerson envies his identical twin brother, Harry. His sibling has the freedom of a comfortable bachelor lifestyle, funded by a generous army pension, while Joe is in a dead-end job, with no money, squabbling children, a livein mother and a wife who he thinks has fallen out of love with him. When Harry chokes on a sweet, Joe realises that the chance of a lifetime is staring him in the face, and assumes his brother‘s identity. 11.50 FILM: Paid In Full (2002) Ace rises to a precarious position of power – with plenty of people looking to topple him. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Jimmy Doherty In Darwin’s Garden 2.25 Sign Zone: Grow Your Own Drugs 2.55 Sign Zone: Oz And James Drink To Britain 3.25 Sign Zone: MasterChef 3.55 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 World Championship Snooker World number two, Stephen Maguire, starts out this evening against fellow Scot, Jamie Burnett, whilst Ryan Day and former top sixteen player, Stephen Lee, play their first round match to a conclusion. 8.00 The Speaker The six remaining Speakers get political in their bid to become Britain’s Best Young Speaker. 9.00 Restoration Revisited See highlights. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to the Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Budget Statement By The Chancellor Of The Exchequer The Chancellor of the Exchequer explains his budget. 11.25 21st Century Bach Four miniatures from JS Bach’s OrgelBuchlein are played by York Minster’s organist John Scott Whiteley. 11.35 Mad Men Don takes a business trip to Los Angeles, where he has some ‘Joy‘. 12.25am World Snooker Highlights 1.15 World Championship Snooker 3.15 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria arranges to take things further with Aaron. 7.30 Coronation Street Maria receives important news about her baby. Raising Amy causes a division between Becky and Steve. Tara confesses her plans to Poppy. 8.00 The Bill: Class Action Nate and Mel are called to Deansgate School to investigate a suspected burglary in teacher Becky James’s classroom. 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen Original culinary bad boy Marco Pierre White has more challenges for his celebrity kitchen recruits. there‘ll be tears before bedtime, and not just from the onion chopper. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Benidorm Everybody is back for more sun, sangria and swinging. Get yourself in the mood for a bit of the Brits aboard bad behaviour you might be getting this summer. 11.05 FILM: The In-Laws (2003) See film highlights. 12.50am The Big Tackle With Austin Healey 1.45 British Alpine Skiing Championships 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 The Truth About Immigrationm 3.55 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons The Simpsons convince Krusty to run for Congress so he can change things. 6.30 Hollyoaks Anita turns to desperate measures, using household bleach on her legs. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder Short film about five interspersing lives in a Glasgow block of flats. 8.00 Embarrassing Bodies The medics get to work on a young girl’s bad case of veruccas, a mother who’s been left with problems after giving birth to a large baby, and a woman whose teeth have been destroyed by fizzy drinks. 9.00 Grand Designs Kevin McCloud revisits Jim Fairfull and his wife Simone, who built a glass pavilion by a tranquil loch in Scotland. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Gaby and Carlos clash when Lynette feels threatened by her new boss. 11.00 Shameless The Gallagher unit is rocked by an unexpected visit from the social services. Debbie unleashes her fury on Frank. Chesney falls for a married housewife. 12.00am Snowbombing 2009 Rocked By Xbox 12.35 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 1.05 FILM: Private Hell 36 (1954) . 2.30 Hill Street Blues 3.15 Who Killed Fletcher Christian? 4.10 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Charlie tries to unravel the mysterious events leading up to the accident. 6.30 Zoo Days Sheba, the matriach of Chester Zoo’s elephant family, is being kept awake at night by the younger members of the herd. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Michaela‘s Zoo Babies Rachel the zebra goes into labour; a pack of white lion cubs get up to mischief; and two female sea lions may be pregnant. 8.00 Oil Riggers Wayne’s best rigger lets him down. The Big Dog’s worm, Justin, learns to scale the heights. And the Longhorn crew races to be the first to tap oil. 9.00 Extraordinary People: The Man With Someone Else‘s Face This film follows a leading Chinese surgeon as he performs a partial face transplant on a man who was mauled by a bear. 10.00 Cannibal Killer Documentary examining the case of David Harker, who killed Darlington woman Julie Paterson and allegedly ate her flesh. 11.05 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series in which Natalie Pinkham reveals the untold stories behind the Essex police interceptors. 12.05am PartyPoker.com Poker Den: Big Game III 1.35 NHRA Drag Racing 2.40 Race And Rally UK 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 360 Series 10.00 Poker 11.30 Mountain Bike World 12.00pm Adrenaline Adventures 12.30 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.30 Motor Racing 3.00 Poker 4.30 Sailing: RC44 Cup 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Airsports World 1.30 Sporting Ireland 2.00 Adrenaline Adventures 2.30 360 Series 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Motor Sport: Silverstone 24 Hours 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 European Tour Weekly 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 European Tour Weekly 11.30 Total Rugby 12.00am Motor Sport: Silverstone 24 Hours 1.00 Weston Beach Race 2.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 The Lion Man 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle 5.00 Bondi Vet 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 FILM: Trading Places (1983) 11.15 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.15am Fringe 1.25 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 FILM: The Perfect Storm (2000) 11.00 Family Guy: The Story So Far... 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.35am Bizarre ER 1.05 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.35 Family Guy: The Story So Far... 2.05 The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 8.00 Victorian Farm 9.00 Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture 10.00 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 10.30 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 11.00 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 11.30 Pop Britannia 12.30am Pop On Trial

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Mr And Mrs 8.00 New Homes From Hell 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.30 Coronation Street 11.00 FILM: Wimbledon (2004) 1.05am Hollywood Lives

12.50pm Ballykissangel 1.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 3.00 PD James: Unnatural Causes 5.20 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Sharpe’s Peril 10.35 PD James: An Unsuitable Job For A Woman 12.50am The Return Of Sherlock Holmes

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Taxi (2004) 10.55 The Inbetweeners 11.30 8 Out Of 10 Cats 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 My Name Is Earl

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Dispatches: Crash: How The Banks Went Bust – Part One 10.00 City Of Vice 11.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 12.05am Dispatches: Crash

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI (x3) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties

Gold

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Human Cloning Project 10.00 What Happened When 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek (x2) 2.00 Angel 3.00 FILM: Magma: Volcanic Disaster (2006) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 7.00 Angel 8.00 FILM: Attack Of The Gryphon (2007) 9.50 FILM: Raging Sharks (2005) 11.40 FILM: Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) 1.30am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

9.25am The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) 11.25 Marty (1955) 1.00pm Sabrina (1954) 3.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 5.15 Duel In The Sun (1946) 7.25 Marty (1955) 9.00 The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) 11.00 Sabrina (1954) 12.55am Road To Utopia (1945)

11.40am Remnants Of Everest: 1996 Tragedy (2007) 1.40pm This Is My Father (1998) 3.40 Earth (1998) 5.40 Water (2005) 7.40 The Movie Geek 8.10 The Good German (2005) 10.00 Fargo (1996) 11.40 Raising Arizona (1987) 1.15am Summer Of Sam (1999) 3.40 Body Shots (1999)

1.00pm The Vicious Circle (1957) 2.40 Cottage To Let (1941) 4.25 The Man In Grey (1943) 6.50 In Good Company (2004) 9.00 The Notebook (2004) 11.25 Enduring Love (2004) 1.20am I Don’t Want To Sleep Alone (2006) 3.45 Close

7.25am Skyjacked (1972) 9.15 One Spy Too Many (1966) 11.10 A Lion Is In The Streets (1953) 1.00pm The Omega Man (1971) 3.00 Jailhouse Rock (1957) 4.50 Band Of Angels (1957) 7.00 Funny Farm (1988) 9.00 Arthur (1981) 10.50 Stardust (1975) 1.00am Arthur (1981) 2.50 Pat Garrett And Billy The Kid (1973)

3.10pm Bread 3.45 Just Good Friends 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Porridge 6.20 My Family 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Steptoe And Son 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Only Fools And Horses 11.30 Harry Enfield And Chums 12.10am The Royle Family 12.50 Gimme Gimme Gimme

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 US Office 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park 12.10am South Park

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4/16/09

7:42 PM

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thursday 23 Kirstie‘s Homemade Home Channel 4, 8pm Series in which Kirstie Allsopp transforms a dilapidated country cottage in Devon. This week, Kirstie renovates the house‘s three bathrooms, meets top interior designer Anouska Hempel, and attempts some traditional home crafts, from candle making to screen printing. Ain‘t she clever!

Professor Regan‘s... BBC2, 9pm Professor Regan goes behind the pharmacy counter to find out if the millions we spend every year are worth it. Professor Regan discovers the real secret behind branded painkillers, reveals if homeopathy is a complete waste of money, and investigates the ultimate cure for the common cold.

Who Killed The Honey Bee? BBC4, 9pm With an affliction wiping out bees, Martha Kearney explores the terrifying implications of their possible extinction and the loss of their vital service to nature; pollination, without which global food production would collapse. The threat is acute and growing, yet whatever causes bees to flee their hives remains a mystery.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Uncle Max 4.05 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 4.35 Horrible Histories 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.00 Mr Tumble 9.10 Mister Maker 9.30 Boogie Beebies 9.45 Get Squiggling 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel – Year 5 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Just So Darwin 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 World Championship Snooker

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 Science Scams 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.35 FILM: San Demetrio, London (1947) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Kid’s TV 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten! 12.15pm House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten! 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: While My Pretty One Sleeps (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf: Ballantine’s Championship 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Spanish Football 12.00pm Total Rugby 12.30 Ford Football Special 2.00 European Tour Golf: Ballantine’s Championship 5.00 The Rugby Club 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am The Rugby Club 1.30 Darts: Premier League 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Adrenaline Adventures

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders An emotional Zainab is reunited with Syed, but how will she break the news to Mas? Roxy is forced to confront her feelings for Jack, while Patrick finally lays his ghosts to rest. And Heather is horrified to discover the truth about Shirley and Phil’s relationship. 8.00 My Family Susan decides to get another dog but, as ever, it is Ben who ends up in the doghouse. 8.30 DIY SOS Home renovation programme. 9.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police as they enforce the law on some of Britain’s busiest and most dangerous roads. 10.00 BBC News At Ten The latest 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Budget Response By The Shadow Chancellor The Shadow Chancellor responds to the Budget. 10.40 Question Time Political debate from Ealing in London. 11.40 This Week A political review of the week. 12.25am Holiday Weatherview . 12.30 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.00 Sign Zone: Watchdog 1.30 Sign Zone: Countryfile 2.25 Sign Zone: MasterChef 3.25 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu Chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Ray Stubbs introduces live action from Sheffield. 8.00 Coast From the Channel Islands, the team make their way back to Dover. Neil Oliver retells the tragic story of the first channel swimmer. Mark Horton reveals how the forts on Guernsey explain why the islanders are still loyal to the Queen, even though they remain proudly outside the UK. 9.00 Professor Regan’s... See highlights. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Usual mix of celebrity chat, jokes, stunts and audience mischief. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Budget Response By The Shadow Chancellor The Shadow Chancellor responds to the Budget. 11.25 21st-Century Bach York Organist John Scott Whiteley plays JS Bach’s Vater Unser setting. 11.35 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to the Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 12.15am World Snooker Highlights 1.05 World Championship Snooker 3.05 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: English 5.00 The First Black Britons

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale A furious Daz discovers Victoria and Aaron in a compromising position. 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney presents a series with memorable scenes drawn from the best of the ITV regions. 8.00 The Bill: School’s Out Deansgate pupil Kim Patterson surprises Nate by telling him that her father Russell had a relationship with Becky James. 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen Culinary legend Marco Pierre White has more challenges in store for his celebrity cooks. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Diamond Geezers: Real Crime Documentary following the true story of how the Metropolitan Police’s Flying Squad foiled the would-be robbery of the millennium. Using interviews, exclusive archive footage and dramatic reconstruction, the programme investigates how a gang of villains plotted to steal the world’s largest perfect diamond. 11.35 The Last Word A look at some of the big stories in the region. 12.05am FILM: Don’t Look Now (1973) 1.55 British Superbikes Highlights 2.50 Crossing Jordan 3.35 Loose Women 4.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer takes over the nuclear power plant. 6.30 Hollyoaks Loretta is avoiding Dom. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder Short film. 8.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home See highlights. 9.00 Kimberley: Young Mum Ten Years On Ten years ago, 15-year-old Kimberley was determined not to get pregnant young like her mum and sister. Now a 24-year-old single mother, she has had one child removed from her by social services, and is in danger of losing the other. 10.00 Around The World In 80 Trades City market analyst Conor Woodman quits his job and travels around the world to trade a variety of goods in an attempt to double his £25,000 stake. 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon comes to the aid of Cafe 36, an upmarket Chicago bistro whose husband-andwife owners are stuck in the past. 12.05am When Women Rule The World 1.05 Dubplate Drama 1.30 Philip Larkin: Love And Death In Hull 2.30 FILM: The Cicerones (2002) 2.40 Dispatches: Crash: How The Banks Went Bust 3.35 3 Minute Wonder: A Motorway 3.40 The Middle Ages 4.05 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Belle collapses at the Diner. 6.30 Zoo Days Will it be love at first sight for a pair of Indian rhinoceroses? 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Animal Rescue Squad Susie the Parrot is rescued from a life behind bars. She has hit adolescence and is behaving like a teenage tearaway. Will life at the Parrot Sanctuary turn her into a little angel? 8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 Melissa visits an 18th century cottage in Devon, Russell is bowled over by a Tudor manor house and Michael falls for a swanky 21st century bachelor pad. 9.00 The Mentalist A young woman is stabbed to death and dumped in a forest. The woman’s best friend is the prime suspect – but could a third party be involved? 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Goren and Eames investigate the kidnap and killing of an atheist. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit When a cancer patient who has been growing cannabis in her flat is found raped and murdered, two high-school students are arrested. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Finals 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Adrenaline Adventures 11.30 Live Tennis 3.30pm LIVE Tennis 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 LIVE Sky Poker Five-OO 12.00am NFL: Total Access 1.00 National Rugby League 3.00 Time Of Our Lives 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Motor Sport: Silverstone 24 Hours 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Adrenaline Adventures 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Motor Sport: Silverstone 24 Hours 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Adrenaline Adventures 6.30 Trans World Sport 7.30 LIVE National Rugby League 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am Golf Night 3.00 Race World 4.00 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 The Lion Man 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle 5.00 Bondi Vet 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Bones 10.00 Cold Case 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 1.50 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 My Life As An Animal: Horses 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.00 Family Guy: Creating The Chaos 11.30 Family Guy (x3) 12.35am My Life As An Animal: Horses 1.35 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 9.00 Who Killed The Honey Bee? 10.00 Crooked House 10.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 11.00 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 11.30 Who Killed The Honey Bee? 12.30am I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 1.00 Newswipe

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Mr And Mrs 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am American Idol

1.55pm Ballykissangel 3.00 PD James: A Mind To Murder 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Sharpe’s Peril 10.35 The Making Of Sharpe’s Peril 11.05 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Front Seat 12.15am PD James: Unnatural Causes

2.35pm One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.35 Star Stories: Kate Moss 11.05 Reno 911 (x2) 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 My Name Is Earl

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Pop Goes The Band 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 Angel Of Death: Serial Killers 10.00 Crime Scene Forensics 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek (x3) 3.00 FILM: Rocketman (1997) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x3) 7.30 FILM: King Of The Lost World (2005) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: War Wolves (2009) 12.10am FILM: Heartstopper (2006) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium

1.00pm Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 2.45 Charade (1963) 4.45 The Desperate Hours (1955) 6.45 The Purple Heart (1944) 8.30 The Movie Geek 9.00 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 10.45 Custer Of The West (1968) 1.10am Holiday Inn (1942)

9.00am Jindabyne (2006) 11.10 Control (2007) 1.15pm The Movie Geek 1.45 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 3.45 The Top 10 Show 4.05 Black Snake Moan (2006) 6.05 Paper Moon (1973) 7.55 Control (2007) 10.00 The Singer (2006) 11.55 Videodrome (1982) 1.30am Jindabyne (2006)

1.00pm Siege At Red River (1954) 2.45 Sailor Of The King (1953) 4.30 The Undefeated (1969) 6.50 Flight Of The Phoenix (2004) 9.00 The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) 11.45 Shopgirl (2005) 1.50am Daratt, Saison Seche (2006) 3.45 Close

8.40am The Barkleys Of Broadway (1949) 10.45 Mary Mary (1963) 1.00pm Operation Pacific (1951) 3.00 The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 4.55 Assault On A Queen (1966) 7.00 The In-Laws (1979) 9.00 Protocol (1984) 10.50 Dark City (1998) 1.00am Protocol (1984) 2.55 Cannery Row (1982)

3.40pm Just Good Friends 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40 Porridge 6.20 My Family 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Steptoe And Son 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Only Fools And Horses 11.00 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 12.20am The Royle Family

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4/17/09

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friday 24 A Better Life Abroad? – Tonight ITV1, 8pm Morland Sanders follows the progress of some of the British families attempting to escape the recession by finding jobs in countries like Canada and Australia. But is any country recession-proof, and are these opportunities all they are cracked up to be?

Later With Jools Holland BBC2, 11.40pm Madness, Bat for Lashes, Malian superstar Oumou Sangare and Yusuf Islam playing an acoustic number. Making their television debut is the Portland, Oregon four-piece Hockey. Concluding the line up is William Elliot Whitmore, a deep-blues vocalist and guitar/banjo player from Lee County, Iowa. Quality is the word.

Imagine... Carlos Acosta: The Reluctant Ballet Dancer BBC4, 9.50pm Alan Yentob tells the inspirational story of Carlos Acosta, the dancer who made the leap from the backstreets of Havana to become the first black principal dancer at the Royal Ballet. The film follows Carlos over six months as he embarks on the biggest challenge of his life.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Uncle Max 4.05 Animals At Work 4.35 Trapped 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Freefonix 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Dani’s House 8.00 Scoop 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.00 Mr Tumble 9.10 Mister Maker 9.30 Boogie Beebies 9.45 Get Squiggling 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 World Championship Snooker 6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 World Championship Snooker The first quarter-finalist will be decided tonight. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Toby gets the new pond underway and starts the urban meadow, while Carol Klein reveals her final three lucky proteges for her gardening school. 9.00 English Heritage When English Heritage bought Apethorpe Hall, they planned to do it up, and then recoup the enormous investment of public money by selling it off. Theory and practice have proven rather different, and could yet leave the taxpayer with a bill running to millions. 10.00 Genius Dave Gorman and a guest chew over the ridiculous, unworkable but sometimes genius inventions, schemes and policies pitched by members of the public. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Budget Response By The Liberal Democrat Treasury Spokesman The Liberal Democrats’ respond to the Budget. 11.40 Later With Jools Holland See highlights. 12.45am World Snooker Highlights 1.35 World Championship Snooker Extra

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 9.55 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 Great British Brands 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.50 Back To You 1.15 Channel 4 Racing 2.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Daz and Victoria succeed in keeping their secret from Andy? 7.30 Coronation Street Will Becky dump Steve? Norris discovers that he is not irreplaceable. 8.00 A Better Life Abroad? – Tonight See highlights. 8.30 Coronation Street Do Steve and Becky still have a future? 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen Find out what legendary chef Marco Pierre White has in store for his celebrity kitchen recruits. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Pushing Daisies Emerson’s old flame offers a bit of quid pro quo in return for proving her innocence in the murder of the owner of the Papen County Dam, who Emerson despises. 11.35 FILM: The Door In The Floor (2004) Starring Elle Fanning, Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger. Poignant drama based on a novel by John Irving. A young assistant hired by a best-selling children’s author becomes caught up in the troubled relationship between the drunken, womanising writer and his longsuffering wife. 1.30am FILM: Fahrenheit 451 (1966) 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons While a British filmmaker (Eric Idle) makes a documentary about Springfield Elementary, Lisa tries to save the night sky, and Bart has to defend his cool dude reputation. 6.30 Hollyoaks Gov and Bel are struggling to come to terms with Anita’s bleached skin. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World Aidan Hartley reports on the subterranean coal fires in north east India.. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away New parents Neil and Natalie Sweeney choose between buying a house in Berkshire and investing in a holiday home in Italy. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon helps the owner of a struggling health food restaurant. 10.00 FILM: Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) FBI agent and master of disguise Malcolm once again goes undercover as Big Momma. 12.00am 4 Music: Wilco: Ashes Of American Flags Performances from Chicago rock band Wilco’s 2008 US tour. 12.30 4 Music: JD Set Presents: Broken Family Band 12.40 No Angels 1.40 Fast Spin Fling Animation 1.45 Swimming Short film. 2.00 PokerStars.com 3.00 Hill Street Blues 3.45 The Middle Ages 4.10 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 Close 5.55 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.25 The Milky And Shake Show 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten! 12.15pm House Doctor: Ann’s Top Ten! 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.00 FILM: The Maldonado Miracle (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Rachel and Tony’s wedding plans suffer. 6.30 Zoo Days One of the vets is attacked by a legion of escaped South American leafcutter ants. Keeper Niall whips up a breakfast treat for 30 hungry chimpanzees. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Mobil 1 The Grid Motor sport action from the biggest racing series around the world. 8.00 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series profiling the work of a police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS Ziva shoots dead a serial killer when an undercover operation reaches a dramatic conclusion. 10.00 Numb3rs Charlie devises an audacious model to eliminate the new drug ‘Hawaiian ice’ from the streets. 11.00 Criminal Minds The team believes that a woman due to be executed in two days’ time may well be innocent. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf: Ballantine’s Championship 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 The Rugby Club 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00pm Barclays Premier League World 12.30 The Rugby Club 2.00 European Tour Golf: Ballantine’s Championship 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Off The Bar 6.00 Big League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Big League Weekend 1.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.30 Off The Bar 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Big League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Off The Bar

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 A Question Of Sport Lighthearted sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders Max is thrown when Jack reveals his true intentions towards Roxy. 8.30 Total Wipeout Fast Forward The biggest, daftest, muddiest obstacle course in the world. 9.00 Have I Got News For You The return of the popular news quiz. 9.30 Reggie Perrin Reggie Perrin is feeling frustrated and alienated after ten years working at Groomtech. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Budget Response By The Liberal Democrat Treasury Spokesman The Liberal Democrats’ Treasury Spokesman responds to the Budget. 10.40 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Helen Mirren, Miley Cyrus and, Spandau Ballet. 11.40 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Cat Cubie presents the results of the Euromillions draw from Lottery HQ. 11.45 FILM: Severance (2006) See highlights. 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Yellowstone. 2.20 Sign Zone: Timewatch: In Shackleton’s Footsteps 3.20 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Race World 10.30 LIVE Tennis 2.30pm LIVE Tennis 7.30 LIVE International Football 10.00 Big League Weekend 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 Off The Bar 12.00am International Football 2.30 Gillette World Sport 3.00 Golf Night 5.30 Live European Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw UK 9.00 National Rugby League 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm UAE Motor Racing Championship 12.30 Premier League Darts 4.00 Race World 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Super League 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Super League

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 The Lion Man (x2) 5.00 Bondi Vet 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Night Cops 12.15am Prison Break 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 1.50 Road Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Drinking With The Girls 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.05 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Bizarre ER 12.50 Horne And Corden 1.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Spartacus 9.50 Imagine... Carlos Acosta: The Reluctant Ballet Dancer 10.30 BBC Four Sessions 11.30 Mad Men 12.20am The New Avengers 1.10 Mark Lawson Talks To Mike Leigh 2.10 All About Abigail’s Party 3.10 BBC Four Sessions 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 Loose Women 4.45 The Ricki Lake Show 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Britain’s Got Talent 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 9.00 American Idol 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am The Justin Lee Collins Show

12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Ballykissangel 3.00 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes (x2) 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Housewife, 49 11.10 FILM: The Odd Couple (1968) 1.15am PD James: A Mind To Murder 3.00 Surgical Spirit 3.30 Film File

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix 11.05 FILM: In And Out (1997) 12.50am Scrubs (x2) 1.50 My Name Is Earl

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 FILM: In The Cut (2003) 12.25am Grand Designs 1.30 Relocation, Relocation

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Nothing To Declare 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 8.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Boston Legal 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Mythbusters 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 Tuna Wars 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek (x3) 3.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Fire (2004) 4.50 Joe 90 (x2) 5.55 Stingray (x2) 6.55 Thunderbirds 8.00 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 9.50 FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 11.40 FILM: Abominable (2006) 1.30am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

8.10am Apache (1954) 9.40 The Front Page (1974) 11.30 Stalag 17 (1953) 1.35pm Lover Come Back (1961) 3.25 Shenandoah (1965) 5.10 The Front Page (1974) 6.55 Stalag 17 (1953) 9.00 Apache (1954) 10.35 Boomerang (1947) 12.10am Shenandoah (1965) 2.05 The Movie Geek

11.15am Mumford (1999) 1.10pm 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 3.05 Tell No One (2006) 5.15 The Movie Geek 5.45 Into The Wild (2007) 8.15 Be Kind Rewind (2008) 10.00 Eastern Promises (2007) 11.45 Crash (1996) 1.30am Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas (1998)

1.00pm The Dark Corner (1946) 2.55 Oliver Twist (1948) 5.10 The Hound Of The Baskervilles (1959) 6.55 Project X (1987) 9.00 East Is East (1999) 10.55 The Rules Of Attraction (2002) 1.05am Ripley’s Game (2002) 3.15 Movie Rush 3.30 Close

9.30am Viva Las Vegas (1964) 11.10 Assignment To Kill (1969) 1.00pm The Rain People (1969) 3.00 Lust For Life (1956) 5.15 Bye Bye Braverman (1968) 7.00 The Frisco Kid (1979) 9.00 Money Talks (1997) 10.50 Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) 1.00am Money Talks (1997) 2.50 Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962)

4.20pm As Time Goes By 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Porridge 6.20 My Family 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Steptoe And Son 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Jonathan Creek 11.00 French And Saunders Christmas Special 11.50 The Royle Family 12.20am A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (xs2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Lee Evans At Her Majesty’s Theatre 12.50am The Sarah Silverman Programme

Classics

Indie

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saturday 25 Henry VIII: Mind Of A Tyrant Channel 4, 7pm Dr David Starkey presents a biography on the mind of Henry VIII. This episode traces Henry’s ten-year affair with Anne Boleyn, and how his struggle to secure a Papal annulment of his first marriage to Catherine of Aragon led to the creation of the Church of England.

Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime BBC2, 9.40pm Alan Whicker travels the world on a journey reflecting his varied career. In this last episode of the series, Whicker looks at the drastically changing face of Hong Kong and the endless struggle that beautiful Bali has had to preserve its unique charm. Compelling viewing.

The Real Pink Panther: Lord Victor Hervey More 4, 11.05pm Profile of the sixth marquis of Bristol, Lord Victor Hervey, a playboy and criminal mastermind. After serving time for jewel theft, it was thought that he had put his criminal ways behind him. Documents reveal that he may have still been involved in crime after his release.

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ITV1

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.30 Saturday Kitchen 11.00 BBC News 11.10 Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 1.15pm Football Focus 2.00 World Championship Snooker 4.30 Final Score 5.25 My Family 5.55 BBC News

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Funky Fables 7.15 Eliot Kid 7.25 Three Delivery 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 10.00 Dani’s House 10.30 Dani’s House 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Kyle XY 12.45 Winging It 1.20 Teen America 1.30 Sound 2.00 FILM: The Victors (1963) 4.30 World Championship Snooker 5.30 Shark Therapy 6.00 Planet Earth Documentary series which celebrates our planet. 7.00 World Championship Snooker Another quarter-final spot will be filled on day eight of the World Championship. 8.00 Restoration Revisited Griff Rhys Jones revisits some of the buildings and the campaigners who captured the nation’s heart, discovering what has happened since. What will the future hold for these architectural treasures? 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You The return of the popular news quiz. 9.40 Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime See highlights. 10.40 The Apprentice Reality series. Almost halfway through the job interview from hell, the candidates must put their creative heads on when they are given the task of launching a brand identity for a new breakfast cereal. 11.40 World Snooker Highlights Rishi Persad introduces highlights from a day in which three quarterfinal places are decided. 12.30am World Championship Snooker Extra Rishi Persad introduces highlights from the day’s second-round matches. Clive Everton, Dennis Taylor, Willie Thorne, John Virgo, Terry Griffiths and Neal Foulds commentate. 2.30 Mad Men

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Quincy, ME 10.25 FILM: Columbo: Prescription Murder (1968) 12.25pm ITV News And Weather 12.30 FILM: Tom Jones (1963) 2.55 Best Ever Worst Auditions 2 3.55 FILM: The Flintstones (1994) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.45 Friends 10.15 T4 Movie Special: Wolverine 10.45 Kasabian Video Exclusive 10.50 Take That Vs Robbie: Top 10 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 12.55pm Scrubs 1.25 Scrubs 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.40 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Olivia 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Animal Families 8.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.55 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 The Gadget Show 11.30 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green12.30pm Oil Riggers 1.30 Baboon Woman 2.30 FILM: Buddy (1997) 4.05 FILM: Columbo Goes To The Guillotine (1989)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Big League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 2.30 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 Live Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things Today’s show features a horse who drinks in his local pub. 7.00 Primeval The team are faced with one of the most dangerous threats they have ever come across – a flesh-eating fungus that turns its victims into human shells. It takes over any person who comes into contact with it, and it proves resistant to everything the team can throw at it. 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent Lord save us all now. Strangely compelling viewing. 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen Celebrities are looking forward to the final. 10.00 FILM: GoldenEye (1995) Starring Pierce Brosnan. Action adventure marking Pierce Brosnan’s first appearance as 007. The newly appointed M asks Bond to discover who is behind the skyjacking of an ultra-secret NATO Tiger helicopter and the destruction of a space weapons centre inside the Arctic Circle. Bond’s mission takes him into the heart of Russia to penetrate the armaments mafia. 11.30 ITV News And Weather 11.45 FILM: GoldenEye (1995) Continued. 12.40am Six Degrees 1.30 FILM: Door To Door (1984) 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Sporty Suzie Allen thinks she has what it takes to win the grand cash prize but none of her guests think she can do it, and the lack of booze on offer does not go down well with them either. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Henry VIII: Mind Of A Tyrant See highlights 8.00 Time Team Tony Robinson and the team visit Chenies Manor which is believed to have been upgraded in time for Henry VIII’s visit around 1530. However, while a late-16th century inventory suggests that an additional range of rooms fit for a king once existed, traces of them have vanished since the house fell into disrepair. 9.00 FILM: My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) See film highlights. 11.05 FILM: The Good Girl (2002) Starring Jennifer Aniston, Jake Gyllenhaal. Black comedy. A checkout operator is stirred from her boring job by a new arrival at the workplace. She is soon having an affair with the teen, who is an aspiring writer. Her husband does not notice, but one of his friends attempts to blackmail her – with disastrous consequences. 12.55am Martin Lawrence Live: Runteldat. 2.40 FILM: Hallo Panda 4.05 Time Team 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Cubeez . 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Five News 6.05 FILM: Man Of The House (2005) Family comedy. A tough Texas Ranger is assigned to protect the only witnesses to the murder of a key figure in the prosecution of a drug kingpin – a group of college cheerleaders. 7.45 NCIS Gibbs’s life hangs in the balance after an explosion on a ship puts him in a coma. As his team races to catch the culprits, an unconscious Gibbs recalls traumatic events from his past. 8.40 NCIS Gibbs awakens from his coma only to discover he has severe memory loss. 9.40 CSI: NY Stella gets a nasty surprise when a buzzard drops a human eye in her coffee. The CSIs race against time to recover the rest of the body before the birds can feast on the victim’s remains. 10.40 Law And Order An outspoken TV host is gunned down in the street and suspects include a woman who recently sued him for sexual harassment. 11.40 Crime Scene Academy Documentary following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass for CSIs at the National Forensic Academy in Knoxville, Tennessee. 12.10am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 House Doctor

6.10 South East Today 6.15 Robin Hood Gisborne is back, and he is not alone; by his side are Prince John’s Elite Guards and a mysterious weapon. 7.00 Tonight’s The Night John Barrowman hosts another night of surprises. 8.00 The National Lottery: 1 Vs 100 Ben Shephard hosts the quiz show. Plus Jenni Falconer is live from Lottery HQ with the Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto Draws. 8.50 Casualty Adam’s resignation sparks a shocking reaction from Jordan, while Jessica gets an unwelcome visitor. 9.40 Reggie Perrin Reggie Perrin is feeling frustrated and alienated after ten years working at Groomtech. 10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the day’s seven Premier League fixtures. 11.50 FILM: Highlander 5 - The Source (2007) Fantasy adventure sequel. Amid the chaos of a crumbling city, Highlander Duncan MacLeod leads the remaining Immortals, including his mysterious friend Methos, and a mortal, Watcher Joe Dawson, on a quest to locate the Holy Grail of their world, the source of their everlasting life. 1.10am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 8.30am Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 UAE Motor Racing Championship 9.30 Gillette World Sport 10.00 Super League 12.00pm Friday Fight Night 2.00 Volvo Ocean Race 2.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race 5.55 Live Super League 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Scottish Cup Football 12.00am Super League 2.00 Spanish Football 3.30 Scottish Cup Football 4.30 Live European Tour Golf

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Friday Fight Night 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 European Tour Golf 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 LIVE Speedway 9.00 Premiership Rugby Union 10.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.30 Premiership Rugby Union 4.00 The Super 14 Show

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Oops TV (x2) 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bondi Vet (x4) 4.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 6.00 American Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Bones 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 FILM: The Perfect Storm (2000) 11.05 Live At The Apollo 11.50 Family Guy (x2) 12.35am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.05 Bizarre ER 1.35 My Life As An Animal: Horses 2.35 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 3.35 Bizarre ER 4.05 My Life As An Animal

7.00pm Graham Hill: Driven 8.00 Queens Of British Pop (x2) 10.05 Dusty 10.30 Cilla 11.20 The Sandie Shaw Supplement 11.45 Lulu’s Back In Town 12.10am Kate 12.55 Queens Of British Pop (x2) 3.00 Graham Hill: Driven

1.00pm Nanny 911 1.55 Britain’s Got More Talent 2.55 Gossip Girl 3.55 American Idol (x2) 6.00 FILM: Honey (2003) 8.00 Homes From Hell 9.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 Britain’s Got Talent 12.05am Britain’s Got More Talent 1.10 Celebrity Juice

11.00am PD James: A Mind To Murder 1.15pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.25 FILM: Summer Holiday (1963) 4.35 Goodnight Sweetheart (x2) 5.50 Wycliffe 7.00 A Touch Of Frost 9.00 Taggart 10.35 Cracker 11.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Orchard Walls 12.50am Wycliffe 1.45 Dempsey And Makepeace

8.30am Fresh Saturday 10.00 The Simple Life (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.40pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 The 100 Greatest TV Ads 12.10am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 Dark Angel

9.30am Time Team (x5) 2.35pm FILM: The Sea Chase (1955) 4.50 Grand Designs Revisited (x5) 10.00 Lady Randy: Churchill’s Mother 11.05 The Real Pink Panther: Lord Victor Hervey 12.10am The West Wing 1.00 Lady Randy: Churchill’s Mother 2.15 The Real Pink Panther: Lord Victor Hervey

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Boston Legal

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Crime Scene Australia 4.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 5.00 Kevin McCloud’s UK Superstructures (x2) 6.00 Against The Elements 7.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls (x2) 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Megaheist 11.00 Crime Scene Forensics 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am Sanctuary 12.00pm Joe 90 (x2) 1.05 Stingray (x2) 2.10 Thunderbirds 3.20 Star Trek 4.30 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 6.30 FILM: Psych (2006) 8.00 Haunted Homes 9.00 Medium 10.00 FILM: Attack Of The Gryphon (2007) 12.00am FILM: Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) 1.50 FILM: Abominable (2006)

10.10am The Out-ofTowners (1970) 11.50 Sweet Charity (1969) 2.15pm Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 4.40 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 6.30 The High And The Mighty (1954) 9.00 Hellfighters (1969) 11.05 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 1.30am The Out-ofTowners (1970)

1.10pm The Movie Geek 1.40 Goodbye Bafana (2007) 3.40 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 5.35 La Vie En Rose (2006) 8.00 The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 10.00 Quadrophenia (1979) 12.05am Youth Without Youth (2007) 2.25 Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

1.00pm Elizabethtown (2005) 3.25 Howards End (1992) 6.20 The Core (2003) 9.00 Mean Girls (2004) 10.50 Scream 3 (1999) 1.05am Syndromes And Century (2006) 3.15 Close

8.40am Goodbye Mr Chips (1969) 11.20 Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 1.00pm Rampage (1963) 3.00 Crazy From The Heart (1991) 4.45 The Ballad Of Cable Hogue (1970) 7.00 Spies Like Us (1985) 9.00 The Man With Two Brains (1983) 10.40 Dangerous Liaisons (1988) 12.55am The Man With Two Brains (1983)

6.00am Fantasy Island 7.45 What A Carry On! 8.15 Last Of The Summer Wine (x5) 11.50 The Vicar Of Dibley (x10) 8.55pm Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.35 French And Saunders: Titanic Special 12.35am French And Saunders Christmas Special 1.35 Charlie’s Angels 3.00 Home Shopping

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 FILM: The Mask (1994) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Lee Evans Live From The West End 11.30 FILM: South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 1.00am Comedy Store (x4)

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4/17/09

2:10 PM

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sunday 26 Countryfile BBC1, 7pm It’s on your doorstep and I’m sure more than a few of you have been up there, more than once... Matt Baker and Julia Bradbury explore the South Downs, as it was set to become the UK’s 14th national park, to find out what difference its new status will make. It’s time to go spot your favourite view and windmill.

Best: His Mother’s Son BBC2, 9pm Factual drama about how the career of Britain’s most famous footballer destroyed the life not only of George Best himself, but also of the family he had left behind in Belfast. This show reveals how George’s mother also descended into alcoholism, with damaging repercussions for the whole family.

Super Sleuths: Poirot ITV3, 7.55pm A celebration of literary detectives. This edition tells the story of the journey from page to small screen of Agatha Christie’s – Hercule Poirot. Featuring interviews with David Suchet, Philip Jackson, Hugh Fraser, the production crew and Christie’s grandson, Matthew Prichard. Narrated by Sean Pertwee.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.10 Match Of The Day 8.30 London Marathon 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 3.00 The Politics Show 4.00 EastEnders 5.30 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Bobinogs 6.45 MotoGP 2009: Round 2 - Motegi 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm London Marathon 2.00 MotoGP 2009: Round 2 - Motegi Highlights 3.15 World Snooker 5.15 Points Of View 5.30 EastEnders Omnibus

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Championship 10.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.40pm ITV News And Weather 12.45 FILM: The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) 2.50 Britain’s Got Talent 3.50 FILM: Sister Act (1992) 5.45 Meridian News And Weather

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Clipper 07-08 The Challenge Of A Lifetime 7.55 Freesports On 4 8.25 Freesports On 4 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.40 Friends 2.10 The Big Bang Theory 2.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.40 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Supernanny US

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 LIVE WWE Backlash 4.00 Ford Football Special 5.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word

6.05 Last Of The Summer Wine 6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile See highlights. 8.00 The British Academy Television Awards 2009 Graham Norton hosts the British Academy Television Awards from the Royal Festival Hall in London. The show kicks off with all the action from the red carpet as the stars arrive for one of the most prestigious TV awards ceremonies of the year. The action continues inside as we join Graham Norton on stage to introduce this star-studded event as the awards are handed out to this year’s recipients. Nominees include Stephen Fry, Harry Hill, Jonathan Ross, Ant & Dec, June Brown, Maxine Peake, Jason Isaacs and Rob Brydon. Nominated programmes include Eastenders, Emmerdale, The Bill, Top Gear, The Apprentice, X Factor, Dr Who, The Wire, Mad Men, Dexter, Top Gear, Celebrity Masterchef and QI. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. 11.00 FILM: Green Card (1990) See film highlights.12.40am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.45 Sign Zone: The Planners 1.15 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.15 Sign Zone: All The Small Things 3.15 Sign Zone: For Peat’s Sake 4.15 BBC News

6.00 London Marathon Highlights Jonathan Edwards presents highlights of the 2009 London Marathon, which saw approximately 35,000 runners hit the streets of the capital. Featuring results and reaction from the men‘s, women‘s and wheelchair races, as well as a roundup of some of the heart-warming stories generated by the thousands of competitors running in aid of charity. 7.00 World Snooker World Snooker. 8.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views from the usual team. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May take on the challenge of making an ordinary second-hand car lap the test track as fast as a brandnew, purpose-built sports saloon. 9.00 Best: His Mother’s Son See highlights. 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights of two Premier League fixtures, with Arsenal hosting Middlesbrough and Blackburn Rovers hosting Wigan Athletic. Wigan won 3-0 when the sides met in December 2008 – Paul Ince’s last game in charge of Rovers before being sacked days later. 11.20 The Graham Norton Show Join Graham for his usual mix of celebrity chat, jokes, stunts and audience mischief. 12.05am Heroes 12.50 World Snooker Highlights 1.40 World Snooker Extra 3.40 BBC News 4.20

6.00 ITV News And Weather 6.15 You’ve Been Framed! Tonight’s show includes a framed gold record to make your eyes water, pink ninjas and a not-so-amazing Spiderman. 6.45 Beat The Star Vernon Kay hosts the gameshow in which a brave member of the public takes on a super-competitive celebrity in a bid to win £50,000. 8.00 Heartbeat A boy’s life hangs in the balance when he falls down a well. 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen It’s time for Marco Pierre White to sort the wheat from the chaff. He wants to test his remaining celebrity chefs to the limit and establish how much they have learnt and how much they have improved. With Claudia Winkleman. 10.00 ITV News And Weather 10.15 William Goldman: The South Bank Show A profile of William Goldman – one of the most successful and acclaimed screenwriters of the past four decades. Here he talks candidly to Melvyn Bragg about his career. 11.15 Crossing Jordan Crime drama series. Dr Macy encourages Jordan to see a psychiatrist. 12.15am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.10 The Big Tackle With Austin Healey 2.00 Quincy, ME 2.55 A Better Life Abroad? 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Child Genius Documentary series following the lives of gifted children growing up in Britain. This return visit to the prodigies first introduced last year focuses on the youngest of the group including Peter, England’s under-12 chess champion. Meanwhile, eight-year-old Adam is off to a prestigious boarding school and Mikhail, the five-year-old maths genius, is now adept at spelling. There is also a chance to meet a new child genius named Georgia who became Mensa’s youngest member before her third birthday. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Four cooks from the Isle of Wight, including an aspiring actress and a car salesman, play host. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire. A software developer and Cambridge Maths graduate who was expelled from public school goes undercover in Hull as a teaching assistant in a school for children excluded from mainstream education. 10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Weekly topical entertainment show. 10.50 FILM: The Business (2005) See film highlights. 12.40am FILM: Chinatown (1974) 3.05 Hill Street Blues 3.50 The Invasion 4.05 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.00 Mio Mao 7.05 Ebb And Flo 7.15 Franklin 7.40 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Olivia 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Animal Families 8.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.55 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Everybody Hates Chris 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Magical Legend Of The Leprechauns 2.30pm FILM: Day Of The Evil Gun (1968) 4.20 FILM: Sinbad And The Eye Of The Tiger (1977) 6.30 Five News 6.35 FILM: The Man In The Iron Mask (1998) Swashbuckling tale based on the novel by Alexandre Dumas. The Three Musketeers, now retired, plan to oust the cruel French ruler, King Louis XIV, from the throne and replace him with an imprisoned man whose true identity is unknown. D’Artagnan, still serving the king as Captain of the Musketeers, is forced to turn against his friends. 9.00 FILM: Blade (1998) Highlycharged adaptation of the popular comic-book series about a halfvampire on a mission to destroy the undead. When a rogue vampire attempts to bring permanent night to the world, only one individual can stop him. 11.20 FILM: Rollerball (1975) Fantasy set in the 21st century about an ultra-violent game used by the corporation that now controls the world to allow people to vent their antisocial feelings. When a man becomes famous as a Rollerball star, his very success as an individual threatens to eclipse the meaning of the game. Slowly the rules are changed until Rollerball becomes the ultimate battle of death. 1.40am Winter X Games. 2.00 Boxing Classic Classic 3.35 Motorsport Mundial 4.00 FIM Motocross. 5.10 House Doctor X2

Sky Sports 2 8.30am Spirit Of Yachting VIII 9.00 Sailing: RC44 Cup 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Gillette World Sport 10.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 2.30pm LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 LIVE NASCAR 11.00 Motor Racing: Indy Car Series 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Scottish Cup Football 7.30 Spanish Football 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm NFL Draft 2.00 Wild Spirits 2.30 Gillette World Sport 3.00 Live Tennis 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 Hockey: Euro League 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Experience 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Golf Night 2.30 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Road Wars 1.00 Oops TV (x2) 2.00 UK Border Force (x2) 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Lost: Story Of The Oceanic Six 10.00 Fringe 11.10 Night Cops 12.10am Road Wars (x2) 2.05 Street Wars

7.00pm Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 American Dad! 10.45 My Life As An Animal: Horses 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.15am Horne And Corden

7.00pm Cranford 8.00 Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture 9.00 Jimmy And The Wild Honey Hunters 10.00 Who Killed The Honey Bee? 11.00 Horizon: The Company Of Ants And Bees 11.50 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 12.20am Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture

12.25pm FILM: Honey (2003) 2.25 Gossip Girl 3.25 Kids Do The Funniest Things 4.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) 1.35am Celebrity Juice 2.00 Teleshopping

12.25pm Wycliffe 1.30 Agatha Christie’s: Seven Dials Mystery 4.30 Sherlock Holmes: Sign Of Four 6.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.55 Super Sleuths: Poirot 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.05 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Case Of Coincidence 12.10am Dempsey And Makepeace (x3)

11.00am How To Look Good Naked USA 11.30 Beauty And The Geek 12.20pm Kevin Hill 1.15 Ugly Betty 2.10 Joan Of Arcadia (x2) 4.05 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 7.00 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Sex And The City (x2)

2.00pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 4.45 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 Jamie At Home 8.00 River Cottage Spring Collection 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Britain’s Conjoined Twins: Hope And Faith 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.05am Curb Your Enthusiasm

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 Most Haunted 3.00 Most Haunted (x3) 6.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2) 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm World War II: The Complete History (x4) 4.00 Deadliest Catch Up 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Hitler’s Generals 9.00 Dark Fellowships: Nazi Cult 10.00 Treasure Quest 11.00 Angel Of Death: Serial Killers 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 Crime Museum UK (x2) 2.00 Couples Who Kill

12.00pm FILM: Psych (2006) 1.30 Ghost Stories 2.00 FILM: Magma: Volcanic Disaster (2006) 3.40 FILM: King Of The Lost World (2005) 5.10 FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 7.00 A Town Called Eureka 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Warbirds (2008) 11.00 FILM: Larva (2004) 12.50am FILM: Heartstopper (2006)

12.30pm The Movie Geek 1.00 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 2.40 The Blue Max (1966) 5.15 Father Goose (1964) 7.15 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 9.00 Attack! (1956) 10.50 The Blue Max (1966) 1.25am Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 3.00 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973)

3.40pm Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) 6.05 The Lives Of Others (2006) 8.25 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 10.00 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 12.45am Mississippi Burning (1988) 2.55 Breaking And Entering (2006) 5.00 The Movie Geek

1.00pm Batman And Robin (1997) 3.25 The Gunfighter (1950) 5.05 Watership Down (1978) 6.50 In Good Company (2004) 9.00 The Devil Wears Prada (2006) 11.10 One Hour Photo (2002) 1.00am LA Confidential (1997) 3.45 Close

7.00am Goodbye Mr Chips (1969) 9.25 The Golden Arrow (1936) 10.45 Mister Roberts (1955) 1.00pm Trouble Along The Way (1953) 3.00 Auntie Mame (1958) 5.35 Kansas Pacific (1953) 7.00 Cats And Dogs (2001) 9.00 Pretty In Pink (1986) 10.50 Bonfire Of The Vanities (1990) 1.15am Pretty In Pink (1986)

6.00am Last Of The Summer Wine (x9) 12.00pm The Vicar Of Dibley (x8) 9.05 Jonathan Creek 10.20 French And Saunders: Titanic Special 11.30 French And Saunders Christmas Special 12.25am Last Of The Summer Wine 1.05 Last Of The Summer Wine 1.45 New Adventures Of Old Christine

9.00am Scrubs (x19) 6.30 pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.30 Rules Of Engagement 8.00 Scrubs 8.30 US Office 9.00 South Park (x2) 10.00 FILM: Dumb And Dumber (1994) 12.05am Grumpy Old Men 12.45 Scrubs 1.15 The US Office (x2) 2.15 Grumpy Old Men 2.50 Becker (x6)

Classics

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4/17/09

2:16 PM

Page 1

monday 27 Ashes To Ashes BBC1, 9pm The team is on the hunt for a major vehicle thief, but when a car chase leads to his death, Gene stands accused of causing it through reckless driving. Alex is adamant there was something wrong with Jed at the wheel, and wants to prove that the crash was not Gene’s fault. Hunt’s housewives will be upset.

The Omid Djalili Show BBC1, 10.35pm Stand-up and sketches from award-winning comedian Omid Djalili. Omid talks about football chants and how line dancing was invented in ancient Persia. Sketches include more highlights from Looks Eastwards, the new Middle East TV network, Henry VIII is looking for another wife, and Minicab – The Musical.

Superhuman: World’s Tallest Children ITV3, 9pm Documentary following the lives of the tallest children on the planet, including a 13-year-old boy measuring 7ft 4in. Britain’s tallest family reveal their supersized home, and a father is reunited with his 6ft 9in daughter. The programme discovers how children cope with towering above grown-ups.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Uncle Max 4.05 Beat The Boss USA 4.35 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Freefonix 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Dani’s House 8.00 Scoop 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.00 Mr Tumble 9.10 Mister Maker 9.30 Boogie Beebies 9.45 Get Squiggling 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Let’s Write Poetry 11.40 Let’s Write A Story 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 World Snooker 6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 World Snooker World Snooker. 8.00 Wainwright’s Walks Julia sets off to climb her first mountain, Blencathra. Her route to the summit sees her tackle Sharp Edge, the Lake District’s most technical and vertigoinducing ridge climb. 8.30 Nigella Express This time she whips up a brandied bacon chicken on a bed of green leaves with golden vinaigrette followed by sumptuous standby chocolate and pear pudding. Clever girl. 9.00 Heroes As Nathan, Claire, Peter and HRG help Angela uncover her past, she reveals the dark secrets that have haunted her for years. 9.45 Hairy Bikers Dave Myers and Si King travel through Romania on a quest for great food. 10.00 Have I Got News For You The return of the popular news quiz. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 21st Century Bach Organ music by the great composer. 11.40 World Snooker Highlights World Snooker Highlights. 12.30am World Snooker Extra 2.30 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Will And Grace 9.25 Will And Grace 9.50 Brothers And Sisters 10.50 Without A Trace 11.45 What’s In A Word? 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.35 3 Minute Wonder 1.40 FILM: A Ticket To Tomahawk (1950) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy bans Victoria from making contact with Daz. 7.30 Coronation Street Colin’s 70th holds a surprise for Rita. Julie’s night with Jason leaves Paula furious. Can Becky and Steve save their relationship? 8.00 Hell’s Kitchen Whose meal will prove most popular and give them the edge for tonight’s finale? 8.30 Coronation Street Simon is delighted by Peter’s surprise. Liz feels threatened by Becky’s friendship with Amy. 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen Marco Pierre White’s two finalists prepare to battle it out in the grand finale. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) Starring Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen and Romany Malco. When a 40-year-old electronics store worker’s colleagues find out that he has never had a girlfriend and is still a virgin, they set about helping him meet that special someone – by any means necessary. 12.40am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.10 British Touring Car Championship 2.30 Loose Women 3.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer moves in with a gay couple. 6.30 Hollyoaks Rhys and Josh argue. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Flatpack Stories A closer look at IKEA. 8.00 Dispatches: Crash: How Long Will It Last? Will Hutton gives the definitive insider’s account of what went wrong. Hutton reveals how warnings of the financial disaster were ignored, and looks at what can be done to lift the UK out of the biggest recession in living memory. 9.00 Henry VIII: Mind Of A Tyrant Dr David Starkey presents a four-part biography on the mind of Henry VIII. 10.00 The Secret Millionaire A software developer and Cambridge Maths graduate goes undercover in Hull as a teaching assistant in a school for children excluded from mainstream education. 11.05 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Chris Moyles and guests compete in a quiz about the week’s events. 11.55 The Hospital The final episode in the series looks at the cost of Britain’s increasingly obese teens. 12.55am Ny-Lon 1.55 FILM: Genevieve (1953) . 3.25 Hill Street Blues 4.10 Chicken Wire Animation. 4.20 Great Civilisations 4.50 Time Team 5.45 Making It South African 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.50 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s - How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Zoo Days 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Trial And Error (1992) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Aden finds pills in Belle’s purse. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. Vet James Chatterton must operate on one of the zoo’s big cats. But with this ferocious feline, it is not going to be a straightforward task. Elsewhere, Chester’s baby penguins have outgrown their nesting boxes. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Massive Speed Chris turns his attention to four-wheel-drive vehicles, focusing on off-road military machines, pioneering rally cars and modern-day super cars. 8.00 The Gadget Show Big Experiment Scientific special of the consumer technology show. 9.00 Extreme Fishing With Robson Green Highlights include an epic battle with the sea’s fastest predator in Costa Rica, a close encounter with a barracuda off the coast of the US and a stormy experience on a trawler in Vancouver. 10.00 Michael Jackson For Sale Documentary. 11.10 FILM: F/X 2 (1991) Offbeat thriller. 1.05am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.55 USPGA Golf Action 2.45 AMA Supercross Highlights 3.35 Arenacross Highlights 4.20 Motorsport Mundial 4.45 IndyCar California. 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 Big League Weekend 6.00 PFA Awards 2009 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 PFA Awards 2009 11.30 Big League Weekend 12.30am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 PFA Awards 2009 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog Latest consumer news and advice. 8.00 EastEnders Heather, worried that Shirley’s drinking and sleeping with Phil will only end in tears, decides to take drastic action. 8.30 Panorama Margaret Haywood put a twenty year career on the line to help expose failings in the care of our own Royal Sussex. She dared to go public four years ago and has since been fighting attempts to have her struck off the nursing register. 9.00 Ashes To Ashes See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Omid Djalili Show See highlights. 11.05 Inside Sport Gabby Logan hosts interviews, films and opinion from the world of sport. 11.35 FILM: The Kovak Box (2006) Mystery thriller. A bestselling science fiction writer is invited to Majorca for a conference, only to discover he’s been lured into a trap. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: The Lost World Of Communism 2.25 Sign Zone: Real Swiss Family Robinson 3.25 Sign Zone: Building The Olympic Dream 4.25 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 Tennis 12.00pm Live Tennis: ATP Masters 6.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 9.30 H2O Sports International 10.00 Poker 12.00am H2O Sports International 12.30 Airsports World 1.00 Poker 3.00 Big League Weekend 4.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.00am WWE The Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00pm WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 WWE Experience 2.00 WWE The Bottom Line 3.00 WWE Afterburn 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 WWE Smackdown 9.00 WWE Backlash 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 Max Power 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 The Lion Man 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle 5.00 Bondi Vet 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Road Wars (x2) 12.00am UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.30 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Robin Hood 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Bizarre ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Heroes 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Bizarre ER 12.30 Gavin And Stacey 1.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.30 Drinking With The Girls 2.30 Freaky Eaters 3.25 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 James Ravilious: A World In Photographs 8.00 Who Killed The Honey Bee? 9.00 Winds 10.00 BBC Four Sessions 11.00 Close Up 11.50 FILM: Irina Palm (2007) 1.25am Winds 2.25 Who Killed The Honey Bee? 3.25 James Ravilious: A World In Photographs 5.30 Close

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Mr And Mrs 8.00 Primeval 9.00 Superhuman: World’s Tallest Children 10.00 The Chopping Block 11.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 1.20am Coronation Street (x2)

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Ballykissangel 3.05 Sherlock Holmes - The Master Blackmailer 5.20 Home To Roost 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Beiderbecke Affair 9.00 Rebecca 11.10 FILM: Shadowlands (1993) 1.35am Sherlock Holmes The Master Blackmailer

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.50 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Samantha Who? 10.30 FILM: Taxi (2004) 12.25am Scrubs (x2) 1.25 My Name Is Earl

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.05 Prince John: The Windsors’ Tragic Secret 12.05am ER

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 Trophy Wives 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Whale Wars 10.00 Mythbusters 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 FILM: Psych (2006) 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: King Of The Lost World (2005) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 FILM: Psych (2006) 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 Medium (x2) 11.00 Dead Like Me 12.00am FILM: Larva (2004) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium

11.30am Too Late The Hero (1970) 1.45pm The Top 10 Show 2.00 Road To Morocco (1942) 3.25 The Nutty Professor (1963) 5.15 Duel In The Sun (1946) 7.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 9.00 The Blob (1958) 10.25 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 12.35am The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976)

9.00am Into The Wild (2007) 11.30 There Will Be Blood (2007) 2.10pm A Fish Called Wanda (1988) 4.00 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 5.40 Earth (1998) 7.30 Into The Wild (2007) 10.00 There Will Be Blood (2007) 12.40am Happiness (1999) 3.05 The Movie Geek 3.35 Requiem For A Dream (2000)

1.00pm The Iron Petticoat (1956) 2.50 The Day Will Dawn (1942) 4.55 It Happened To Jane (1959) 6.50 Crocodile Dundee II (1988) 9.00 X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) 11.00 Idiocracy (2006) 12.40am Angela’s Ashes (1999) 3.45 Close

8.00am The Women (1939) 10.20 The FBI Story (1959) 1.05pm This Woman Is Dangerous (1952) 3.00 A Big Hand For The Little Lady (1966) 4.50 The Bobo (1967) 6.50 Bronco Billy (1980) 9.00 The Bounty (1984) 11.30 Point Blank (1967) 1.15am The Bounty (1984) 3.40 Village Of The Damned (1960)

5.00pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Porridge 6.20 My Family 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Steptoe And Son 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Only Fools And Horses 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 12.20am The Royle Family 1.00 Men Behaving Badly

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie