Latest Seven: Issue 422 5 - 11 May by Latest Homes

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

5 – 11 May 2009

FREE WEEKLY

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ new start mojo fins on life after death

use your vote! have your say for the latest festival and fringe awards

cherry picking the festival and fringe shows you won’t want to miss

here come the boys get down to the hottest party in town at the adonis cabaret caberet page 13

Get your hands on something damned attractive this weekend Hove Arts – Artists’ Open Houses

NOW OPEN

hovearts.co.uk

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–9 5 Seann is thwarted by an elastic band 5 Will laments lost innocence 6 Win Fringe theatre and club tickets 6 Diary: Artists’ Open Houses and Enzo 7 Dani says fat people should pay more 8 Bare Cheek‘s festival theatre 9 Celebcity on Katie and Peter’s run

★ latest news 10–12

Welcome W

Health: shape up for summer at the Fitbitch Boot Camp

★ latest listings 19–39 19 Reviews Nostalgic theatre with Brief Encounter

21 Stage Billy Cowie’s Ghosts In The Machine

22 Film

Rural farming in Modern Life

24 Comedy Vicky talks to Gina Yashere

24 Art 10 News: nominate Festival and Fringe shows for Latest Awards; Mary Mears

12 Letters: Stripping is empowering 12 Sport: Olympian Tim Hutchings on Brighton Marathon

12 Crossword: dust off those brain cells

★ latest lifestyle 13–18

Anish Kapoor in Brighton

25 Kids & Events Fabulous fashion at Brighton Frocks

25 Books John loves Charleston Festival

26 Music The inspiring rise of Mojo Fins Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

13 Cover feature: Adonis Cabaret get their kit off in Hove

Brighton Festival Fringe: what to catch this week

Highlights of Brighton Festival

Hotlist: get stuffed

Food: Andrew tries Jamie’s Italian

29 Clubs House, trance, electro, psych

30 Gay Ride out your heartbreak with Topping and Butch

32 TV Dani on The Inbetweeners; and your full TV diary for the week ahead

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01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Assistant Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Chief Sub Editor Alison Swann

Art Director Stephen King

Sub Editor Patrick O’Donnell Marie Vagen

Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writer Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

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elcome to the festival season... as I write we at Latest are preparing to head down to the Parlure Spiegeltent in Old Steine for the opening party. If you haven’t been yet, pop by, have a drink in their bar and relax in the garden. This is the first time the Spiegeltent run by the Parlure people has been in that location so go and check out what they’ve done with the space. That’s where we’ll be hosting the Latest Festival and Fringe Awards ceremony on bank holiday Monday, 25 May. Turn to news (p10) to find out how to nominate your favourite acts and how to get tickets for the awards show. For the latest news about what to see at the Fringe and Festival, see our round-up on pages 14 and 15. Each week we’ll be bringing you news from the festivals and uploading reviews to www.thelatest.co.uk so you can decide which shows to see while they’re still running. Artists’ Open Houses also opened last week, read Phil Mills’ round-up of places to visit on page 11 and see pictures from the launch party in photographer Tim Richardson’s Social Diary (p6). Alison’s away for a few weeks but will be back in June to report on the lead-up to the London to Brighton bike ride. If you fancy shaping up for summer, we have two opportunities for Latest readers to win a place on the new women-only Fitbitch Boot Camp, worth £180 each (p18). It’s not just women who are bodyconscious – many of our local men also spend time and effort working on their bodies. And cheeky performers Adonis Cabaret love showing off the results – see more in our cover feature (p13). Andrew has caused a bit of a row about his comments about stripping in Kay Town in Latest Homes last week. Burlesque star Cherri Shakewell has it out with him on our letters page (p12). If you’ve got something to say, email letters@thelatest.co.uk or write to us at the address at the bottom of this page.

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann D

Will here’s a moment shortly after Susan Boyle opens her mouth to sing during her well-documented audition on ITV1‘s Britain’s Got Talent when a strange expression fleets across Simon Cowell’s face. It’s not shock, or surprise (take one look at Amanda’s little-girl gasps and tell me the judges weren’t briefed in advance), nor is it his more customary look of hungry annoyance; the kind of look a pterodactyl might give to a pensioner that’s holding up the queue at Tesco. It’s concern. I wonder how many of the 100million plus YouTube viewers to watch the Hairy Angel’s debut will have spotted this glimmer of humanity from the big man. I wonder how many of them care. After all, what we have on our hands here is a genuine 21st Century fairy tale, isn’t it? ‘Princess kisses frog, frog turns into prince’ transformed into ‘hightrousered music svengali gives kiss of fame to wild-eyebrowed virgin, wild-eyebrowed virgin turns into overnight global sensation’, and Simon Cowell’s accountant lives happily ever after, something like that, yes? The trouble with transformations of the frog-to-prince variety is that, when you’ve been hopping around a pond all your life, it’s a bit of a stretch to suddenly have to

my memory. When I remembered to do my homework, I frequently didn‘t remember to bring it in. To resolve this, I kept it in the fridge, knowing that would be the only place I was guaranteed to go to in the morning. The modern world doesn‘t offer any help: we have filled it with endless diversions. Think of all the possessions you have that can get in the way of achievement. You may have any combination of digital television,

www.pachd.com

istraction is everywhere. I just spent five minutes playing with an elastic band I found lying around before typing that out. I was distracted from writing about distraction. Between that sentence and this current one, there was (genuinely) a seven-hour gap, filled by some of a film, a bit of television, plenty of the internet, a couple of phone calls and some food, punctuated by intermittent wall-staring. Everything in that list was a distraction from one of the other things. In short, I‘m easily distracted. I‘ve gone back to the elastic band. “Can I play with the elastic band, while typing?” I ask myself. It seems I can‘t; instead, apparently, I can play with the elastic band while staring at a wall for ten minutes, which proved long enough to remember I was supposed to be typing. I‘ve decided to dispose of the elastic band, before it eats up the entire day. It seems fair to say my concentration is somewhat limited. It always has been. I listen to about 50 per cent of what people say to me. I‘ve failed exams because I never got round to writing anything other than my name in the time. I‘ve spent my entire life trying (not very hard) to protect myself from

Seann Walsh is easily distracted, and modern life is filled with endless diversions

“I’ve failed exams because I never got round to writing anything other than my name in the time”

DVDs, computer games, mobile phones, and pointless gadgets. These can spark off a chain of distractions. You may be filling in a form, say, with a cookery programme on TV in the background. This makes you hungry. You go to the kitchen, but you‘re stuck for ideas about what to make. You ring a friend for advice, which sparks a long chat. By the time you get round to cooking, you‘re even hungrier. You make a big meal, and decide to watch a DVD while eating. Hours have passed and the form remains unfilled. The internet is the worst culprit of all. It‘s a self-contained chain of diversions with the power of these other mod cons combined. Just the cycle of emails, YouTube, news and Facebook can swallow entire days. These technologies are remarkable. It seems paradoxical some of humankind‘s greatest achievements should be so capable of blocking human achievement. We live in a world of constant, omnipresent stimulation. Can I blame the times for my perpetual distraction? Can I blame television, the internet and phones? Probably not; I should probably blame myself, if my entire day‘s schedule can be thrown off track by the discovery of an elastic band.

Will Harris worries about the pressures of fame for the Hairy Angel “After all, if you pull a bottom-dwelling fish up from the depths too quickly, it dies”

cope with royal engagements. Which is not to say I’m against people trying to better their lives, but shouldn’t the speed at which Susan Boyle was pulled up from her quiet, slightlyreclusive life in West Lothian to the dizzying heights of international stardom give us some cause for concern? After all, if you pull a bottom-dwelling fish up from the depths too quickly, it dies. Oh, you can give it a haircut, pluck its eyebrows and stick it on a couch next to Oprah, but it’s still going to die. The truth is there’s something about Susan Boyle that I like. She’s inarguably a talented singer, but she also has an unpolished innocence to her, a quality that may not last long in the shallow waters of the entertainment industry. And after she’s been plucked and primped, cropped and photoshopped, and – perhaps most damaging of all – told how fabulous she is five-thousand times a day, will Susan Boyle still be the same woman who marched bravely onto that stage and sang her way into thousands of people’s hearts? I worry, as I hope Simon for that one split second worried too, that she’ll end up as something else entirely. He’s a clever man, Simon Cowell; but then, so was Doctor Frankenstein.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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06 LATEST DIARY A

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Tickets to see The Bullet The Bullet is a play by Joe Penhall starring Russell Floyd taking place at The Open House during Brighton Festival Fringe. This tragi-comic family drama is described as A Death of a Salesman for modern Britain. The play follows Charles, a middle-aged newspaper man who finds himself unjustly made redundant and sets about revenging himself on his employers. Tragic, funny and most definitely British, we have four tickets to give away to see the show on Thursday 14 May. For a chance to win, tell us: Which popular British soap did Russell Floyd star in as Michael Rose?

celebrates artistic openings and stylish hair and beauty

Woodrow Kernohan (Curator, Regency Town House) and Tim Brown (Cinecity)

Art house

Artists’ Open Houses held its launch at the beautiful Brighton Museum and Art Gallery, Pavilion Gardens on Wednesday 22 April. AOH is probably Britain’s biggest free visual arts event and brings more than 1,000 artists and makers showing work in more than 200 homes. Exhibitors range from established artists to those just setting out. This year AOH are delighted to include Open Houses venues in schools, student houses, a hospice, a centre for young homeless people, two venues displaying work of artists with learning disabilities and the addition of a new artists trail on the Bristol Estate. To become a Friend of AOH and for further information about Artists’ Open Houses, venues and artists, visit www.aoh.org.uk

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G Scott Marshall (Director of Culture & Enterprise) and Cllr Bill Randall (Green Party) Emma Morris (De La Warr Pavilion) and Hilary Noble (Open House)

See below for entry details. The Bullet is on at The Open House, Springfield Road, Brighton, 13–23 May. Ages 12+.

Chris Lord (Artists Open Houses) and Judy Stevens (Artists Open Houses) and Andrew Comben (Chief Exec Brighton Festival)

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Kathy Sleigh and Torben Krog

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Tickets to Chuff Chuff club night in Brighton The venue of the first Chuff Chuff gig of 2009 has been kept a secret... until now. Taking place this Sunday 10 May at The Grand Hotel in Brighton, a great line-up of DJs make up ‘Chuff Chuff: Sex, Lies and Scandal – The Politician and the Call Girl.’ This is the ultimate night out and a themed party so please dress up! Watch out for soap stars, footballers and models at Chuff Chuff’s huge party running from 3pm to 7am. We have a pair of tickets to give away. Entrants must be aged 18 or over. For a chance to win, tell us: Where does Chuff Chuff take place in Brighton?

I A J K T C B G C I Jamie (junior), Katherine (acupuncturist), Tomasz (PR), Carlo Torre (owner), Bill Stewart (owner), Grace (stylist), Chantelle (beauty therapist)

I J N I

Carlo Torre (owner) and Bill Stewart (owner)

S C H Michael Coulthurst and Kay Coulthurst

To win, email:

Celebrating in style

with “The Bullet” or “Chuff Chuff” in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Friday 8 May

Enzo Hair & Beauty Salon located at 16 St Georges Road, Brighton have just celebrated their fifth birthday in very fine style. The evening was attended by friends and clients with bespoke catering supplied by Richard Brightwell at ‘Marmalade’. Enzo Hair opened in 2004 and they are known for their outstanding technical quality as well as being a leading hair colour salon that specialises in multi-dimensional colours. Enzo Beauty offers something for everyone, from tried-and-true spa services to trend-setting therapies and signature beauty products. Their beauty therapists strive to make every visit exceptional.

competitions@thelatest.co.uk

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For more information visit www.enzohairandbeauty.com

I J J J I M K I G

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani n American airline has come under fire from fat rights’ activists after announcing that it will make obese people who don’t fit in one seat pay for two tickets on busy routes. The fat rights’ activists have said it is ‘blatant discrimination’. If a person requires two seats or spills over one seat making the next seat unusable they should pay. They would be paying for the service they are using – after all. If you use one seat you pay for one seat, if you use two you pay for two. Can certain people expect to get something for free when in some (not all) cases the reason they are expecting something free is their own fault? The Fat Rights’ Activists have said that fat people shouldn‘t be expected to pay any more, in actual fact they are suggesting that all airlines should increase the size of the seats. Now, in my mind, if you increase the size of each seat to the size of two you will only be able to fit half the people on the plane, which would

Dani thinks the fat rights’ activists need to think again and isn’t into others’ toilets need more doctors appointments because – big news – it is bad for your health. On the Fat Rights’ Activists’ website there is a link to something called ‘Show your Face’, which is basically where larger people can record a message in a bid to stop discrimination. In general, the message seems to be that the people featured want respect. It looks to me as if the main reason they want airline seats made bigger and not have to buy two tickets for the two seats certain people may need to use is because it is embarrassing for them. I can see that people might look at them as they lift the armrest and use up the space for two. But forcing everyone to pay for the size of two seats is discriminatory towards everyone who can fit into one seat. Extra skinny people don’t get a discount because they only take up half a seat! The idea is not to stop anyone doing anything they want to, it is just to simply get people to pay for what parts of a service they use. I understand that being different from the norm in any way can cause problems, people can be cruel and will pick on anything that makes someone different as a way to put them down. But this is not about picking on anyone, this is not about discriminating, it’s about business and if you want a successful business you charge people for the service they use.

“If you increase the size of each seat you will only fit half the people on the plane” mean that more planes would have to go up and down, using more fuel and adding to the ever increasing hole in the ozone layer. I imagine, if anyone from the Fat Rights’ Activist group read that statement they would call me all the names under the sun, but I don‘t care. Personally it just seems like the Fat Rights’ Activists are expecting the world to make changes to accommodate them and my one view is why should we? Obviously, if there is a medical reason for obesity the outcry is understandable. But a lot of the time it is self-inflicted and then it itself becomes a medical problem, which drains the economy, because obese people

Royal flush A toilet seat that was used by Camilla Duchess of Cornwall is going to be put up for auction for charity. The toilet seat comes from a pub in Framfield, East Sussex and the landlady decided someone might want it and she might be able to make a bit of cash for charity. The idea of buying a toilet seat just because someone you might idolise sat on it is a strange one to me. Of all the things you might want that someone else has used, a toilet seat must be amongst the strangest. There are lots of things you like to imagine people doing, but using the toilet generally isn’t one of them, would it be hung on a commemorative wall or installed onto a toilet?

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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Bare cheek

In & Out

NOW SADLY DEFUNCT BRITISH FILM PRODUCTION COMPANIES EDITION

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

What’s not on Festival special Shows pointlessly performed in venues other than theatres

The Crucible – in a Church Inspirational posters of sunsets and the smell of furniture polish and hymn books fail to add much atmosphere to Arthur Miller’s parable about McCarthyism, as the audience are ferried about the building seemingly at random by an actor holding a blazing torch while a health and safety representative crouches nearby nervously holding a fire extinguisher. WARNING:

French Without Tears – in a Chest Freezer Acclaimed theatre group Useless/Pointless present Terrence Rattigan’s evergreen classic in a Zanussi 189 litre freezer. With video screens. Unfortunately, limited space means that there will be no audience (so no change there then for Useless/Pointless). 8.30pm. 5–25 May

The Maids – in a Moving Taxi Jean Genet’s classic of alienation performed in a black London cab, driving in a loop around Western Road and the seafront, getting stuck in traffic, the performance constantly interrupted by car horns and the jeers and catcalls of passersby and fellow motorists, for the delectation of an audience of three. 8pm. 3–22 May

• Gaumont-British • The Archers • London Films • Goldcrest • Anglo-Amalgamated

Out • Two Cities • Handmade Films • Gainsborough Pictures • Hammer • British Lion

I Have Been Here Before – in a Boozer Aha, you see – the play’s set in a pub, so if we put it on in a pub (though, obviously, not a pub on the Yorkshire Moors in the 1930s) then that’ll definitely be better, not worse, than putting it on in a theatre. Won‘t it? Won‘t it? 7.30pm. 15–25 May

Contains a scene in which the lead actress rushes in through the front doors screaming extremely loudly and hammily before collapsing in a heap on the floor. 9pm. 3–25 May

08 ONLY JOKING!

Marat/Sade – up the Alimentary Canal of a Navvie Peter Weiss’s landmark play performed in the colon of Mr. Martin Kilpatrick, late of County Clare. “Sheer genius” – Time Out. 9.30pm. 5–25 May

Don‘t miss Up Yours To The Festival! with Brian Mitchell and Jerry Rulf, with special guest Joanna Neary and live music from Eliza Skelton. Recorded live before an audience by totallyradio.com at Latest Music Bar, Wednesday 6 May 9.30pm. Entrance £5/4. Box Office 01273 709709.

Astral Angi

BARDSLEY’S

This week Astral suggests a new hobby

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries would be well advised to find a pastime that keeps them busy. something solitary – for all our sakes. Why not make a scale model of the Royal Pavilion in spent matches?

Cancerians have a passion for trivia that could be well channelled into collecting bits of string. Utterly useless in many ways but fascinating none-the-less.

Librans should immediately enroll on a mime course. The silent art of mime is an excellent way of relaxing, if not for the artist for the audience who will no doubt nod off.

Capricorns and needlework are a marriage made in tapestry. Stitch, stitch, stitch and pretty soon you will be able to attempt your own facelift, in needlepoint – how pretty.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans could carve a new niche for themselves as philatelists. Stamp collecting rather than foot stamping for a change would be excellent and a lot more peaceful.

Leo needs to redirect aggressive thoughts and actions into a more passive activity. Perhaps a part-time job as a life model. Alternatively learn to read.

Scorpios must tap dance, it is your astral destiny that you learn to heeltoe with the best of them. Start off with a beginners class before revealing that you know it all.

Aquarians spend their lives doing for a living what the rest of us would be happy to do as a hobby. Ideally then they should take up doing sums as a leisure activity.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis should indulge their obsessions by taking up the Victorian art of cut-paper silhouettes. Oh I know they are revolting but it will keep them quiet for a few hours.

Virgo’s sense of what is right should be exploited to the full. Start making a list of ways in which you would change the world and make it a better place, it may take some time so we will wait.

Sagis globally have developed dawdling and dilly dallying into an art form rather than a hobby. Just watch a Sagi at work, well at not working should we say, and admire a master.

Pisceans have all gone fishing – usually for compliments. Course fishing of course? Sensible Pisceans stay dry in the comfort of Bardsley’s fine fish and chipped potato emporium.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

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L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on the Artists’ Open Houses this May, and finds the theme is ‘Home’

Home’s where the art is t is one of the greatest success stories to come from the Brighton Festival and every year it demonstrates just how much talent there is hiding behind the front doors of homes throughout the Brighton and Hove area. Thousands of visitors come away astounded by the flair and creativity they find and many are inspired to take up art and even exhibiting. This year’s Artists Open Houses, the UK’s largest open visual arts festival, promises to be the best yet – and there’s a new string to its bow. Comprising a mini-festival of seven connected exhibitions, linked by the theme ‘art and domestic space’, the new project called House includes naked 3D dancers and a plush cinema in a front room.

“The new project called House includes naked 3D dancers and a plush cinema in a front room” At Lighthouse in the North Laine is Billy Cowie’s 3D installation, Ghosts In The Machine. Aided by 3D glasses. Visitors can experience Billy’s virtual screen-dance installation, which ‘challenges perceptions of space and domestic life‘, while his Reverie is on show at Regency Town House in Brunswick Square. At Permanent Gallery in Bedford Place, (All I Really Want) Ocean Mims’ kinetic sculpture ‘falls apart, like flat pack furniture, over the life of the exhibition‘. David Blandy explores his relationship with popular culture by transforming Grey Area’s subterranean exhibition space in Queens Road into a basement den of martial arts, arcade machines,

You’ve been Googled! The Google Street View team have been spotted filming in Brighton. Southern News And Pictures photographer Stephen Lawrence snapped the team near Brighton law courts. Google Street View lets internet viewers take a groundlevel look at houses and roads around Britain. The Google team received a few V-signs from pedestrians as their camera-car drove by and the project hasn’t gone down well with some who say it has the potential for invading privacy. There are fears the service could help burglars case targets, but Google said even police doubted it would lead to any increase in break-ins. Google insisted faces would be blurred so no one is identifiable and anyone unhappy could have their home removed. They did not foresee any problems, but critic Albert Rose, watching the car go by in Edward Street, said: “I have my doubts about this – is this another move towards 1984.”

postered sound systems, and an artist’s library of comic books. It is billed as ‘turning the space into a hideout that simultaneously echoes the feel of a teenage bedroom, amusement arcade, and underground club‘. At Wellington House in Wellington Street work by award-winning ‘outsider‘ artists, many of whom have experienced homelessness, explores ideas around home as a place of refuge and safety. Home Cinema, turns the living room of 6 Clifton Street into a mini-picture palace complete with traditional red velvet cinema seats. Short films explore issues around memory and family, designed to “re-create what is often missing in home cinemas – the experience of watching film with a community of cinema goers.” Phoenix Brighton in Waterloo Place guides visitors to the studios of eight Phoenix artists whose work is rarely exhibited locally. To book tours contact Phoenix Studios at info@phoenixbrighton.org. Linking House and the Artists’ Open Houses together is the Selectors' Choice exhibition upstairs at Regency Town House. It showcases work by selected Open House artists including Sue Milnethorpe, Carolyn Trant, Matt Smith, John Cull, Lizzie Thomas and John Dilnot. Two awards will be presented to winning artists: The Brighton Festival Award and the Visitors’ Choice Award (sponsored by VisitBrighton). All visitors are invited to vote for their favourite work and the winner will be announced at the end of May. This year the festival includes an artists’ trail on the Bristol Estate, two schools, several student houses, the Clock Tower Sanctuary homelessness project and three venues exhibiting work of artists with learning disabilities. Exhibitions this year involve 200 venues and more than 1,000 artists and artist trails across Brighton and Hove, Saltdean and Rottingdean, Lewes, Newhaven and Ditchling. Artists’ Open Houses runs alongside the Brighton Festival until May 24 and House continues to the end of May. For details on venues and events go to www.aoh.org.uk

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COVER FEATURE 13

With knobs on Andrew Kay talks to Tristan Tristar of The Adonis Cabaret and gets an offer he can’t refuse – or can he? ’m talking to the self proclaimed ‘Professional Idiot‘ of the UK male entertainment scene – Tristan Tristar. Tristan runs The Adonis Cabaret, which has five club shows across the country, a stripper school, and a national guide for hiring stripograms.

Tristan, are those socks in your Speedos? No, it was cold, someone left a window open and I couldn’t find my rubber chicken! How long have you been in Brighton? Long enough to be a blot on Brighton’s history books! Although not born here I did my school and college years here. Then I started working in clubland, in the days when ravin' was ravin'. I was properly into clubbing, going out till the early hours until the only jobs left for me were running bars and clubs How did you get into stripping? I always wanted to be in entertainment. Apart from some nondescript TV, where my bits ended up on the cutting room floor, my “I'm going to be famous“ moments equalled my acting skills – nonexistent. I still bought The Stage every week and, while I was battling Brighton licensing over a pub that I had been running, I answered an advert to go to Vienna and work in a strip club for a month. I stayed a year. When I came back I started The Adonis Cabaret. What makes Adonis Cabaret so successful? I didn’t want just another Chippendale ripoff. So I tried sticking it all in one bag, shaking it up and seeing what would happen. The result was The Adonis Cabaret Show. We put on a Girls Night Out where

you’ll laugh your heads off, watching hot cheeky chaps performing clichés like officer and fireman strips. But they also send themselves up or invent unexpected twists. It’s all stuck together with drag-queencomedy-glue that has the whole audience dancing the ‘Time Warp‘ and partying like it’s your last night of freedom. We’re always changing and coming up with new spins on popular ideas but we keep to a theme of fun and party, it works; it has sold out now every summer for over 10 years, so it must be right! Do celebs have their parties with you? Yes, lots. But we have a rule: “What goes on tour stays on tour.” We’ve stripped lots on TV – EastEnders, Strictly Come Dancing and Graham Norton.

“We have been known to chuck performers in the sea at the end of the night in the summer”

So where can we see you guys? Brighton, London, Bournemouth, Blackpool and Newcastle. My favourite is the Babylon Lounge in Hove, right on the beach. We have been known to chuck performers in the sea at the end of the night in the summer. It’s a full on party and really raises the roof, the audience here is the best, always up for a storming night, and you can always spill out on to the prom and watch the sunset if you need a break from the madness. We do get funny looks when dog walkers see drag queen Davina having a cuppa with two gorillas in tutus, a seven-foot chicken and DJ Mark dressed as Ali G. Can anyone do what you do? Well no. It’s not for everyone, and we only make it look easy. We have the world’s first Male Stripper School, and if you’re any good we sponsor your training! Where do you see The Adonis show in another 10 years? There are always challenges, people will always want something different so we will keep people smiling for as long as we can, and change when we need too. The support from parties who come back over and over is overwhelming. This year looks like another sell out, so next year we aim to open in Cardiff, Birmingham and Nottingham. Do you fancy becoming a stripper Andrew? We need hot new blood like you! My cabaret days ended when I handed back my Alternative Miss Brighton crown No! With a fake tan, lights, smoke, mirrors and a blackout we can sort that out. I’ve been getting away with it for years! There’s always a market for ‘bigger’ guys! Thanks Tristan. I think it’s time for me to zip up! Bye. Join the Adonis Cabaret party every Saturday at the Babylon Lounge. Call for a free info pack on 0870 7414092 pre-booking only from www.adoniscabaret.co.uk

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14 BRIGHTON FRINGE

Unmissable The pick of the week at Brighton Festival Fringe ursing your first Spiegeltent hangover? Bewildered by the sheer variety of shows on offer at the Fringe? Never fear: let us take you gently by the hand and lead you through a selection of this week‘s top Fringe delights. For more information on all shows go to www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk Satanic Caberet and The Devil May Drag You Under at Fletch@St Andrews features beautiful sinners like New York aerialists Mantryx (seen most recently performing to Kate Moss and Kevin Spacey at the opening of the New York Topshop). The audience gets to decide which act goes to hell. The show runs till May 22 at 9.30pm with tickets at £12 (£10 concs) Electroplasm may have the honour of being the strangest show in the Fringe. Theremin-music and death ballads from live band Spacedog will set the scene for a reconstruction of a Victorian seance by expert Richard Wiseman (seance advisor to Nick Cave, among others). Don’t miss this one. Electroplasm is at the Marlborough on May 8,9 and 10 with shows at 9.40pm, 10.50pm and 11.55pm. Tickets cost £7 (£6 concs) Orkestra del Sol ‘Magnificent!‘– The Independent combine the swagger of a Balkan wedding band, the vibrancy of Caribbean carnivals, and the flair of a Latin ballroom. Their show at the Parlure also features Magic Number, playing gypsy jazz and swing. Bring your dancing shoes. May 10, 8pm, tickets cost £12 (£10 concs). Legendary pop artist and designer of the Beatles Lonely Hearts Club Band album Sir Peter Blake is coming to Fringe City (the outdoor Fringe showcase in New Road and Jubilee Street) on May 9. He’ll be in his especially designed double decker bus from 2pm – 5pm, signing copies of his new book (available from Fringe visual arts sponsors artrepublic in Bond Street).

Circus ride There’s still time to catch smash hit show Tabu by Nofit State Circus ‘The future of British Circus‘ – The Guardian) in the Spaceship Big Top on Hove Lawns. Combining cutting-edge circus, performance, live music, and video the audience enter the giant silver spaceship big top and become immersed in a promenade circus event taking place above, around and among them in an explosion of furious fun and choreographed mayhem. Leave your circus preconceptions behind and join them for a turbo charged, ninety minute, life changing rollercoaster ride. Tabu, runs till May 10, with shows at 8pm. with 3pm matinees on 9 and 10 May. Tickets £16/12.

Snap happy The Fringe takes over the whole of Brighton and Hove during May, making the whole city one big photo opportunity. We’ve teamed up with yougotpapped to offer great prizes and exhibition opportunites to the best photographs of the Fringe. Got to the www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk for more details – and take your camera out on the streets!

Grumpy old man Sacked from a BBC TV series for writing a script that was ‘too funny’, West End comedy playwright Chris Sykes is a safe bet for a good night out. Now living in Sussex, the writer turned performer is bringing his mellow acoustic show, I’m Not Dead, I’m 55, to the Fringe on 9 and 10 May at the Friends Meeting house (Two for one tickets on the first night!) A humorous look at the perils of aging including songs like Grumpy Old Git, it has won him the title of “singer/poet to the middle aged.” Latest 7 readers can win a copy of the Chris Sykes Band debut CD, Walking On the Beach by answering the following question: What is the name of the Chris Sykes Band Debut CD? Is it A Lying on the Beach, B Paddling at the Beach, C Walking on the Beach. Email your answer with your name, address and phone number to competiton@brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk by Monday, 18 May.

Dark hope comedy Scorch Theatre, the company behind the 2008 Brighton Fringe award-winning (Best Actress, Latest 7 Awards) play Power Lunch by Alan Ball, returns to the Brighton Fringe in 2009 with the brand new dark comedy, Hope Gap. A surreal black comedy exploring inside the mind of a compulsive gambler, tackling the moral responsibility of the gaming industry’s invasion of culture and dealing with issues of free-choice and exploitation, Hope Gap is set in the near future and shows Britain emerging from a deep recession.

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BRIGHTON FESTIVAL 15

The best of the Fest 10 great Festival shows not to be missed prostitutes. This is the first visit to the UK from Spanish theatre company Reial Companyia de Teatre de Catalunya. Tue 12 to Sun 17 May, various times, bus pick-up point at Hove Station. £15

The Oyster Princess Belgian big band, Flat Earth Society, continue Brighton Festival’s tradition of screening film to live score, following on from Run Lola Run with The Bays and Henry V with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Here Ernst Libitsch’s hilarious silent satire on bourgeois society, The Oyster Princess is given the big band treatment. Wed 6 May, 8pm Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, £6–£18

Mahler: Sixth Symphony Esa-Pekka Salonen and the Philharmonia Orchestra perform Mahler’s Sixth Symphony, an explosive piece that became a modern masterpiece, and are then joined by the incredible pianist Piotr Anderszewski for Mozart Concerto No.18. Fri 22 May, 8pm Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, £10–£30

Orquesta Aragón Orquesta Aragón celebrate their 70th anniversary of their formation and 50 years since Castro’s revolution with a Brighton Festival performance, full of charangas, francescas and cha-cha-chas. Tue 12 May, 8pm Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, £22.50/20 Druid Theatre: Playboy of the Western World Ireland’s most lauded theatre company present ‘the definitive’ Playboy of the Western World – J M Synge’s tragi-comic masterpiece of poetic drama. Tue 12 to Sat 16 May, 7.30pm (Thur and Sat matinee 2.30pm) Theatre Royal Brighton, £8–£22.50

Rimini Protokoll, Breaking News: A daily news show What is news and who decides? Using news streamed live from around the world German collective Rimini Protokoll presents the 15-minute ‘infotainment‘ news packages in an entertaining evening of theatre. Thursday 7 to Sat 9 May, 7.30pm Theatre Royal Brighton, £5–£18.50 Reial Companyia de Teatre de Catalunya: Kurva The audience is taken to a secret location by bus to become part voyeur, part witness for Kurva, a touching story about two roadside

explores the subtle interplay between the imagined and the real in the creation of fiction and telling of stories. Fri 22 May, 8.30pm, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, £8

5 Squared Dave Holland Quintet and Andy Sheppard Quintets A special Brighton Festival double bill of modern jazz. See two British jazz greats in one spectacular evening. Sat 23 May, 8pm, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, £6–£22.50 Sheila Hancock: in conversation with Kate Mosse Sheila Hancock talks to Kate Mosse about her new book Just Me, which recounts how she picked up the pieces after her husband, John Thaw, died in 2002. Sun 24 May, 2.30pm, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, £8

Hofesh Shechter Company: The Art of Not Looking Back Hofesh Shechter Company perform the world premiere of The Art of Not Looking Back, choreographed for the female dancers in the company, performed alongside pieces new to Brighton; Cult, Fragments and Bare Bones. Thur 14 to Fri 15 May, 8pm, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, £6–£18.50 Melvyn Bragg: Autobiography and Fiction South Bank Show presenter Melvyn Bragg

www.brightonfestival.org | ticket office: 01273 709709

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16 HOT LIST Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locallycaught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Seattle Restaurant The restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has the best seasonal, local produce and locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious, modern British, by chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. Spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton BN2 5WA, 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple

lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton BN1 3TD, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton BN2 1HA, 01273 76222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

French New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem. Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10–11 New Steine, Brighton BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twoChimney House

course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast. Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Coffee shops Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay slips into Jamie’s Italian and thinks the boy done good

Naked ambition W

hat’s to hate about Jamie Oliver? He’s a nice boy, good to his mum and gran. He has a lovely wife and kids, he can cook, write a book, dine with the PM and change the world. Well, maybe not change the world but he will make a pukka fist of having a go. And like all heroes here in the UK we cannot wait to knock him down. It’s as if we cannot bear to see the boy do good and he clearly wants to do good. If anything could be thrown at him, it could be he spreads himself too thin. On the whole, that’s not something that you can throw at his latest restaurant here in Brighton. Jamie’s Italian opened in a flurry of excitement, queues, naked women in cages (not his idea, but pretty good exposure, if you’ll forgive the pun). I planned to give the place a while to settle down, but before I knew it I had been lured in by a friend. And we had a very nice time too. I slipped back for lunch a week later and was less impressed, great service and atmosphere but a disappointing macaroni and cauliflower cheese that was short on cauli. I finally went with my ‘work’ hat on accompanied by Ms C, a work colleague who enjoys a good feed and a few laughs. And how we laughed through a totally delicious lunch. And this, I think, is the key to Mr O’s success. The total lack of pretence, of pompous nonsense and fol-de-rols. We arrived early and were shown to a table. Our waiter brought menus and iced tap water, extra points for that, and then ran through the specials of the day. I suggested that we share a plank to start. It’s one of their things and a good thing too. You can have it for one person at £6.50, or double up. When I requested the meat for one and the roasted vegetables for one as well there was no problem. Before you know it, two huge tins of tomatoes arrive in pretty, alien packaging. Don’t fret, they are simply used to prop up the huge plank of sausages, ham, cheese and other bits. A generous amount too. We also added some crispy polenta chips with rosemary, good rib sticking stuff. Ms C followed with the half a chicken cooked under a brick. It’s not an appealing image but it was a tasty dish with great crisp and well seasoned skin and a spiky and substantial sauce to go with it. The waiter’s description of a gilt headed bream had me salivating and it was a very fine fish indeed. Again crisp and well seasoned, there was a huge amount of pearly white flesh to keep me going for some time. The lentils on the side had me grinning from cheek to cheek but had Ms C worried for some reason and the oven roasted radicchio with balsamic vinegar was brilliantly bitter-sweet too.

“I planned to give

the place a while to settle down but was lured in”

Now there is certainly some argument against absentee celebrity chefs but not when the cooking is good. And it certainly isn’t overpriced. My main course was great value and to have Jamie on site doing it might have doubled that price – so why bother? Having already sampled Mr O’s tiramisu, a very solid and satisfying version of the classic, and being full of fish, I was happy to go with some sorbet and affogato, with two spoons. The vanilla ice doused in espresso was pretty damn good and so were the sorbets although Ms C was less enamoured of the peach and yogurt one than I was. Jamie’s Italian has plenty going for it. It’s a great room, I love the layout, lighting, tiles and choice of music, hate the mural though, paint it out. The staff are great, excellent service and they all seem to know the food well. The kitchen is on show so there’s no aggrieved potwasher micturating in the bolognaise either. So carry on having a go at the boy’s success if you must. Personally I like what he does and the energy with which he and his organisation do it. It was big and tasty, not overpriced and nicely done. And do pay attention when they tell you about the specials, because they do seem to be rather special. Jamie’s Italian Brighton, 11 Black Lion Street, BN1 1ND. 01273 915480. www.jamieoliver.com/italian/brighton

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18 HEALTH

Action girl Get fit and get ready to shed pounds for summer at Fitbitch Boot Camp

EUROPEAN SHIATSU SCHOOL

Learn about life and embody your potential whilst helping others. Open day (free) 26 September Basic skills workshop 27 September

Getting up for a morning exercise session on the seafront four times a week might sound like hard work. But how about if it could help you drop a dress size in just four weeks? Rachael Woolston, a personal trainer with ten years‘ Jen, 30, lost more than a fitness experience, is stone following a Fitbitch offering women the chance to do style programme just that at the first camp of its kind, the Fitbitch Boot Camp. “My aim is to help women lose weight and most importantly enjoy being fit and healthy,“ she explains. “And having done everything from yoga on the banks of the Ganges with Madonna‘s teacher to running through bogs in adventure races, training will never be boring.“ Each camp is restricted to just 14 women so participants get a bespoke experience. Rachael says: “ This means you get personal attention and an individually tailored fitness and diet programme to help you reach your goals. Whether that’s improving your fitness for a 10k run, losing weight for your wedding or getting in shape for the beach.“ The first course started last month and already participants are reporting losing weight and feeling fitter. The women-only camp meets at a different seafront location for a one hour session Monday to Thursday over the course of four weeks. Participants can choose between the following time slots: 6.10am-7.10am, 7.15am-8.15am, or 10.45am-11.45am. A place costs £180, or £150 if booked before 10 May, which includes an individual fitness and body composition assessment before and after the camp, a personalised diet assessment, healthy eating plan and 24/7 online and text support. Participants also get the support and encouragement of their fellow camp mates and a celebratory graduation from the Fitbitch Academy with a prize for the most improved. Rachael said: “While all my weightloss clients have lost a stone in four weeks training with me, their success is down to them. I provide the expertise, but how successful you are comes down to the focus and effort you put in both to the Fitbitch sessions and more importantly, outside these times.” The next course is from Tuesday 26 May to Thurs 18 June. Call 01273 206849, email info@bodybalancefitness.co.uk or visit www.fitbitchbootcamp.blogspot.com. Future camps will include ones graded to different levels including SuperFitbitch.

Brighton Natural Health Centre

Introductory, foundation and practitioner diploma courses starting this autumn.

Markus or Fong Grasser

01273 747045 essbrighton@btopenworld.com

www.shiatsu.org.uk

Win a place at Fitbitch Boot Camp Latest 7 has two places to give away for the next Fitbitch Boot Camp. Winners can choose either the 6.10am or the 10.45am slot. Just tell us: When does the next camp begin? Email your answer with your name, age, address, phone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Fitbitch’ in the subject line, or write to us at the address on page 3. Closing date: Monday 18 May.

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LATEST LISTINGS 19

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 5 – 11 MAY Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Richard Herring – The Headmaster’s Son Sifting through his childhood for material, Richard Herring tries to figure out how the nerdy sexobsessed son of a headmaster ended up as a nerdy sexobsessed comedian. It‘s an enjoyable ride, veering back and forth between introspective anecdotes, retro-references and rude jokes. Reading from his teenage diary, Herring examines the strange naïvety that makes a boy document exactly how he spends his time alone – while mocking and applauding the grand self-importance that leads to entries like: “Me and Gandhi would have a lot to share”. I defy anyone not to relate to this stuff.

Droptear Modelmaker Creating a bit of a buzz within their hometown, this five-piece band start their gig with minimum fanfare, launching into the first of their extended, somewhat partially improvised pieces that positively reek of progressive ambitions – rock, jazz-funk overtones, loud and quiet passages, and more loudness pervade the work of this outfit. Like Jaga Jazzist meets A Certain Ratio, the Modelmaker eschew vocals, don't shoegaze their way in studious fashion, and generally look like they are having fun. Still, it's pretty bombastic stuff stuff at times, and many of the ideas are a little half-baked, too often coming across as a jam session.

Komedia, 23 April

Latest Music Bar, 17 April

★★★★✩

Wil Hodgson – Straight Outta Chippenham As he himself would probably agree Wil Hodgson might not be everyone’s cup of tea. The pink-haired former wrestler and lifelong My Little Pony collector’s humour comes from expertly told anecdotes rather than pithy one-liners. However, stick with him and there is a wealth of comedy-gold to be mined from his tales of misfitism. It was a shame then to catch him on a bit of an off day where his usually immaculately woven narratives seemed to veer off a bit and seemed slightly unfocused. Even Hodgson on an off day is panacea to those who tire of the comedy norm. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 18 April

★★★✩✩ Simon Plotkin

21 Stage Billy Cowie premiere as part of the Open Houses

22 Film Farmers on film

24 Comedy Gina Yashere on a changing life in America

★★★✩✩ Ben Bailey

Camille O’Sullivan, p26

24 Art

Jeff Hemmings

Anish Kapoor

25 Kids & events It’s the Brighton Frocks Fashion Weekender

Hot review of the week

25 Books Brief Encounter It’s 1938 and Kneehigh have taken me there, to a world of threepenny bits and underskirts and bath buns where extramarital infidelity is almost unheard of and men still smoke pipes. In this ripping production ensemble is the key and it doesn’t come much better. Noël Coward’s amazing story of illicit love is staged at a breathless pace with breathtaking charm and humour. The visual effects may be hi-tech but the overall effect is cardis and cocoa, the songs heart-warming and the moral – oh to hell with morals, an evening of pure delight. Theatre Royal 21 April

★★★★★ Andrew Kay

Jukebox Show & Retro Fair In its fifth year, this annual tribute to all that’s bright, bold and retro rocked with a vintage vengeance. Two halls of 1950s paraphernalia, and another filled with jive dancers and a swing band, turned this venue into a slice of kitsch heaven. Jukeboxes, poodle skirts, pictures of pinups of the two Bettys (Boop and Paige), and Marilyn (natch), quiffs, and Cadillacs made this event one cool gig, daddio. What did this happy reviewer come away with? Milkshake earrings, Betty Paige motifs, a vintage fan, cupcake cases, and even a cute pink Cadillac pin. Fabalicious. Brighton Racecourse, April 19

Charleston Festival under the spotlight

26 Music Mojo Fins are back and ready to go live

2 9 Clubs Pick of the places to wriggle and wiggle

30 Gay Topping and Butch talk about their new show

32 Television Dani loves the geeky Inbetweeners, plus seven days of listings

★★★★✩ Monica Perdoni

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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latest

01273 687171

musicbar

open until 2.30am every night!

The city’s magical live music and party venue tues may 5

access to music showcasing quality music from local music talent 8pm £2

PARTIES now booking parties

wed may 6

& weddings,

thurs may 7

gay tango workshop civil partnerships, brian mitchell and jerry rulf’s tango lessons for hilarious radio show live! plus all! … jo neary + eliza skelton 7.30 £10 9.30pm-10.30pm £5/4 …for the funkiest events call 01273 687171 and book a speak-easy for the 21st century 7.30pm £4 the venue for ‘up yours’ to the festival! with brian & jerry

birthdays

catalyst club

my first disco

fri may 8

a talk on the wild side: herbie flowers & chris spedding

djs, tunes & dancing for parents & their toddlers 3pm-5pm adult & child £2.50

herbie & chris talk about their amazing careers & play the hits with classy band 8pm £10

sat may 9

the mojo fins

sun may 10

alice + floors & walls + shirley

album & single launch party

bees, moths & the nazis

jerry rulf – britain’s funniest scientist tells you spellbinding harmonies blending rock & pop plus the amazing psychedelic syd arthur & adam kidd & restless list everything about insects 1pm-3pm £2 or free with evening ticket 6.30pm-7.30pm £5/4 9pm £6 includes free entry to lunchtime show

brighton’s top 3 indie bands in one glorious night for oxjam

7pm £5/4

roast’n’jazz

suzanna cassam music

with magdalena reising & the blue cafe band with star guest tony pancella on piano

better than britain’s got talent!

12.30pm til 3.30pm £10 incl lunch

2pm-5pm £4

mon may 11

breakthrough with rough trade

the crissars + alibi tom + the wasp factory 7.30pm £5/4

FREE• •subject to conditions

may highlight

fri may 8th herbie flowers (space oddity, dusty springfield, lou reed)

chris spedding (great session guitarist, sex pistols to tom waits)

‘a talk on the wild side’ where they talk and play the hits from their amazing careers... don’t miss!

8pm £10

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street, brighton check our website bn2 1tf. 100 metres up from the pier for full programme

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STAGE 21

Apparitions Ghosts in the Machine is the highly anticipated new installation from the award-winning Billy Cowie ollowing the success of In the Flesh and The Revery Alone, Billy Cowie makes a welcome return to the Artists’ Open Houses Festival with his new installation Ghosts in the Machine. Like his previous works, Ghosts in the Machine combines stereoscopic filmmaking and inventive dance choreography to create a unique piece which immerses the audience in a 3D spectacle. Billy is an award-winning filmmaker, choreographer, composer, and most recently, author. He is perhaps best known for his work in the field of dance performance,

screen dance and installations, working extensively with the Diva Dance Theatre Company. His credits for music composition include The Tempest, Dark Materials Trilogy and Thinking Earth for BBC Radio. In addition to this, he has worked in the field of film, with directors Chris Rofley, Stephan Frears and Bob Bentley. This 25-minute piece, performed by Jennifer Potter, Rachel Blackman and Victoria Melody, utilises song, dance and jokes as it traverses a diverse range of subjects, ranging from existentialism to ballpark sex to media studies.

Stage listings Tuesday 5 May to Monday 18 May Brighton Dome

The Capitol, Horsham

01273 709709 www.brightondome.org The Oyster Princess Belgian avant big band Flat Earth Society perform Peter Vermeesch’s live score to Ernst Lubitsch’s 1919 silent movie. • 6 May, 8pm, £18/6 Aphasiadisiac Stoffer’s quintet of dancers explore the language of love. • 6–7 May, 8pm, £12.50/10 Handel: Arianna in Creta Handel’s opera on the myth of Ariadne (Arianna). • 9 May, 7pm £10–30 From Here I Can Almost See Performer Charlie Morrissey on the act of performance. • 11 May, 9pm £4 Finklestein’s Castle One man operatic thriller. 12-13 May 8pm £10 The Art of not looking back Commissioned dance piece. physical and complex. •14-15 May 8pm £6–18.50

01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Write Me A Murder A tale of two brothers who inherit a fortune. One, a would-be thriller writer, starts to concoct the perfect crime. • 7–9 May, 7.30pm, £18/16.50 Talking Heads Amateur production based on the BBC popular series of monologues. • 7–9 May, Studio, 7.30pm, £10/9 Cinderella European Ballet The enchanting fairytale told through a ballet performance. • 10 May, 4pm and 7.30pm, £18/16/11 Saucy Jack And The Space Vixens Futuristic musical theatre, saving the world with the power of disco! •13-16 May 7.30-8pm £10 Babe the Sheep Pig Based on the best-selling book by Dick King Smith, family entertainment. • 17 May, 2.30pm, £12

Ghosts in the Machine is a Lighthouse commission, presented in partnership with Artists’ Open Houses and Wolfework. It was funded by Arts Council England with additional support from the University of Brighton. It is supported by SEEDA, Arts Council England and Brighton and Hove City Council as part of the Festivals Clusters initiative: Festivals in Brighton. The installation runs throughout May, Wed-Sun, 12–6pm. Billy’s installation The Revery Alone is showing at The Regency Town House, 13 Brunswick Square, Hove, during the Artists’ Open Houses Festival.

Lighthouse Gallery, 28 Kensington Street, Brighton, BN1 4AJ. www.lighthouse.org.uk or www.billycowie.com

Review by Rachel Pegg At first, Ghosts in the Machine seems to be a charming piece of 3D-footage of three women who emerge from three doorways, sit on high stools and chat to each other, sing, dance and talk about and to the viewing audience. But it is a film of illusion and deception. Of course when the actors talk directly to us, we know they can’t see us. But in fact they can’t even see each other – the piece was filmed in three sections of continuous footage, using the same ‘doorway’ created in Billy’s own house. This is not immediately apparent to the viewer but imbues the film with a sense of loneliness and melancholy – each performer is isolated, going through the motions of a cyclical routine which plays on loop and you feel compelled to watch again. The result is a movie in which the protagonists seem to see each other, but cannot, which seems both of this world and not of it, and in which women who seem so real you could touch them are sirens. The footage is at times funny and moving, and ultimately becomes what it sets out to be – haunting.

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Taking Sides A conductor becomes a post-war target for interrogations as a Nazi sympathiser. • 5 May–16 May, contact venue for times/£ Collaboration Exploring the artistic partnership between a writer and composer in 1931. • 5–16 May, contact venue for show times/£ Cyrano de Bergerac Legendary 17th century tail of secrets and passion. • 8–30 May, 7–7.30pm, £10–24

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Dreamboats and Petticoats Musical theatre based around the bestselling album. • 18-23 May, 2.30 and 7.30pm £16–25

• 14–16 May, 2.30pm-7.45pm,£13.50-16.50

Komedia 0845 293 8480 www.komedia.co.uk The Spoken WorLd of Mark Gwynne Jones Observing the alien qualities in the world around us – humorous and poignant. • 10 May, 3pm, £6

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Breaking News UK premiere of ‘reality theatre’ from German collective Rimini Protokoll. • 7–9 May, 7.30pm, various £ A View From The Bridge Arthur Miller’s Classic. • 18-24 May, 2.30–7.45pm, £32–35

Worthing: Connaught Theatre Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Trial By Jury & HMS Pinafore Double bill. • 5–9 May, 7.30pm plus Wed and Sat mat 2.30pm, £14/13/10 Pete and Me Dark comedy based on the life of Peter Cook.

01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Billy Liar An undertaker’s clerk daydreams of a fantasy life outside his dull Yorkshire town. • 5–9 May, 7.30pm, plus 2pm Wed and 2.30pm Sat, £13–22 Visit www.thelatest.co.uk for complete theatre listings over the festival period.

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22 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 5 17 AGAIN (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 9.15 GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.30 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 11.15, 1.45, 4.15, 6.45 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 3.30, 6.10 IN THE LOOP (15) 8.45 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 11.00, 1.15 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.45, 2.40, 5.40, 8.40 WALTZ WITH BASHIR (18) 8.15 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.00, 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.00, 4.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00

Wednesday 6 17 AGAIN (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 9.15 GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.30 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 11.15, 1.45, 4.15, 6.45 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 6.10 IN THE LOOP (15) 8.45 STAR TREK (12A) 12.30am

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.45, 2.40, 5.40, 8.40 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.00, 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.00, 4.00, 5.00, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00

Thursday 7 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 10.30am FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 9.15 GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 10.45, 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.30 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 1.45, 4.15, 6.45 STAR TREK (12A) 11.00, 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.45, 2.40, 5.40, 8.40 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.15, 12.15, 1.15, 2.15, 3.15, 4.15, 5.15, 6.15, 7.15, 8.15, 9.15

Films showing Friday 8–Monday 11 CORALINE 3D, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 5

Saturday 9

IN SEARCH OF BEETHOVEN (U) 11.00am MODERN LIFE (PG) 2.00, 6.30 SHIFTY (15) 4.00

CHERI (15) 1.15, 3.15 LITTLE ASHES (15) 11.00pm THE SECRET OF MOONACRE (U) 11.00am

Wednesday 6

Sunday 10

IN SEARCH OF BEETHOVEN (U) 11.00am MODERN LIFE (PG) 2.00, 6.30 SHIFTY (15) 4.00, 9.00

CHERI (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 GUN CRAZY (PG) 11.00am

Thursday 7

CHERI (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

MODERN LIFE (PG) 2.00 SHIFTY (15) 4.00 THE AGE OF STUPID (12A) 6.30

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Monday 11

Friday 8 ANVIL! THE STORY OF ANVIL (15) 11.00pm CHERI (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 5 17 AGAIN (PG) 12.00, 2.40, 5.30 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 1.35, 4.10, 6.45, 9.20 FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (PG) 1.30, 3.50, 6.10, 8.30 THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.20, 3.50, 6.20, 9.00 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 9.10 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.50 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 8.40, 9.35

Wednesday 6 17 AGAIN (PG) 1.25, 4.15, 6.50, 9.30 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 1.35, 4.10, 6.45, 9.20 THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.20, 3.50, 6.20, 9.00 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 9.10 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 1.10, 3.30, 5.40 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.50

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 8.40, 9.35, 10.40

Thursday 7 17 AGAIN (PG) 1.25, 4.15, 6.50, 9.30 FAST AND FURIOUS (12A) 1.35, 4.10, 6.45, 9.20 THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.20, 3.50, 6.20, 9.00 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30 I LOVE YOU, MAN (15) 9.10 MONSTERS VS ALIENS 3D (PG) 1.10, 3.30, 5.40 STAR TREK (12A) 11.40, 12.50, 2.30, 3.40, 5.30, 6.40, 8.30, 9.30 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.50 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.00, 8.40, 9.35, 10.40

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

Star Trek (12A) Dir: JJ Abrams From Kirk (Chris Pine) brawling in a bar to the final assembly of the crew we know and love – Spock (Heroes’ Zachary Quinto), Bones (Karl Urban), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) – this is how there came to be boldy going where no one had gone before. And, of course, a battle with Romulan Nero (Eric Bana) to show their true mettle. Lush. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (12A) Dir: Mark Waters Matthew McConaughey plays the serial womanizer who gets the Scrooge treatment from Michael Douglas, showing him his past, present and future relationships – including the-one-that-got-away Jennifer Garner. Will he learn? Will he grow? Ladbrokes wouldn’t bet against it. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing The Hannah Montana Movie (U) Dir: Peter Chelsom Miley Cyrus hits the big screen with her small screen persona of Hannah Montana – the hitmaker with the dual personality. Putting aside the believability factor that a wig maketh a master of disguise, fooling even her best friends, this is harmless summer fodder for the Disney-cravers. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon X-Men Origins: Wolverine (12A) Dir: Gavin Hood Hugh Jackman reprises his role as Wolverine, telling his story as it leads up to the beginning of the first X-Men film. With plenty of superpowered action and some excellent mean’n’moody from Liev Schreiber, not forgetting the mysterious Project

X, this will knock your socks off. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon State Of Play (12A) Dir: Kevin McDonald Ben Affleck stars as a congressman who comes under fire when his mistress/assistant is brutally murdered. A Washington reporter (Russell Crowe) is sent to investigate but finds himself torn between his new friendship with the congressman and the pressure of working for his fearsome editor (Helen Mirren). Fastpaced Bourne Ultimatum-style thriller. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Modern Life (PG) Dir: Raymond Depardon After of ten years filming in the French farming community, Depardon examines the the values and stories that bind farming families to the land, and how developing technology is impacting this rural business. Showing at Duke Of York’s Shifty (15) Dir: Eran Creevy This respected debut from writer/director Eran Creevy delivers a British thriller following the return of Chris to his hometown and his reunion with his old best mate, Shifty – who is now a drug dealer and in more trouble than he can shake a stick at. Showing at Duke Of York’s Cheri (15) Dir: Stephen Frears Set in 1920s Paris, Rupert Friend (Keira Knightley’s main squeeze) plays the son of a courtesan who retreats into a fantasy world after being forced to break off a relationship with an older woman. Also starring Kathy Bates and Michelle Pfeiffer. Nominated for the Golden Berlin Bear. Showing at Duke Of York’s

Films showing Friday 8–Monday 11 CORALINE STAR TREK

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 5-Mon 11

Saturday 9

THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.30 (Thurs), 2.00 (Sun, Mon), 5.00 (Fri, Sat, Sun), 8.00

THE SECRET OF MOONACRE (U) 10.15am

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Star trek

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Living art Director Raymond Depardon talks about Modern Life, documenting 20 years of French farming What was the initial idea for this long-term project? I spent my childhood on a farm and it took me a long time to come to terms with it, even though I left the farm very young, at the age of 16. Like a lot of people in the 1960s, I ran away from this world. Later I starting feeling the opposite – I was proud. But I couldn’t manage to make a film about it. I had to do a huge detour, a sort of world tour, before I dared film farmers. Yet I never filmed my own parents. In the late 1980s, I worked first for the magazine Le Pèlerin and then for the newspaper Libération on the disappearance of farmers. At that time, I was surprised to see that rural life, the life of my childhood, had not changed all that much. And I said to myself I had to keep working on it by filming it. You chose to focus on farmers from the highlands. Why? Agriculture has changed. It has become industrial. I’ve even heard: “Our small-scale agriculture is dead.” But having done these photo reports on highland farmers, I realised it wasn’t true. Except you weren’t supposed to talk about it. It was “bad for France,” I was

told. Yet these are the people who are the most interesting. There is an issue that was at the heart of the story of my parents’ farm: who hands it on and who takes it over? Do they all become second homes? That was the driving force behind our project at the outset. “L’Approche” (The Approach) and “Le Quotidien” (Everyday life) led us to “La vie moderne” (Modern Life). It took us ten years to make the film. Even if the farmers knew exactly who we are, we had to establish trust.

“I was surprised that rural life, the life of my childhood, had not changed that much” How did you get them to trust you? We tried as best we could to be “adopted,” meaning we didn’t force anyone. But at a given moment, we have to start shooting. If we spend a week just watching and suddenly, I take out the camera, people are a little uncomfortable. And so are we. You

can think the more time you spend with people without filming them, the better you get to know them and the easier it will be when you start filming. It’s not true. You can’t play up a fake relationship with them. We respect them too much. And to respect them, you need a little silence and a little distance because they live in incredible solitude and you can’t bother them. Paradoxically, they are both very suspicious and very open. How did you film without bothering them? I think it’s due to the energy we both give off. After a while, they asked us to come back. Why did you favour long shots? There is no reason to do continuity shots to make our presence felt. You shoot or you don’t, for them, it’s all the same. Were not allowed to shoot certain scenes? Never. Sometimes, there were scenes we didn’t want to show but again, we were not there to bother them. What did you not know about farming life that you found out during these ten years spent filming them? I think, in the end, they’re a lot like us. These people, who are now a minority, are very contemporary.

Win a luxury night at the Duke of York’s Win a luxury cinema night for two with a free glass of wine or a soft drink watching a film of your choice at Duke of York’s cinema. Come and enjoy the luxury sensation of their balcony. Slink into sumptuous comfort in the two or three-seater sofas, large armchairs or plush cinema seats, all with tables for drinks and snacks, extra leg room and fantastic sight lines. Subject to availability. Proof of age may be required to access film.

To win this week’s tickets, simply answer this question: What is ‘Modern Life’ in French? Send your answer with your name, address and phone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk, putting Modern Life in the subject line, or write to us at the address on page three. Closing date: Monday 18 May.

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24 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter

Shadow II Etching 2008: Anish Kapoor

Victoria Nangle talks with the fantastic Brit comic taking the US by storm – Gina Yashere

What's your current show like? It‘s basically lots of stand-up. There‘s not really much else to it. It‘s me, Gina Yashere, doing what she‘s known for best. Which is jokes, observational stand-up, talking about myself. Obviously I‘ll be talking a little bit about the fact I‘ve lost five stone in weight because everybody wants to know how I did it, so there‘ll be a little bit of that in there. Yeah. Basically what I do.

Light fantastic

Congratulations. Why thank you. (laughs) What‘s the difference between British and American audiences? (pause). You know, I haven‘t found that much of a difference to be honest. A British audience will be more comedy savvy. They know what‘s good comedy and what‘s crap comedy. Whereas American audiences, a lot of them don‘t really know. They're used to a certain – I‘ve been to comedy clubs over there and you‘ll get four comedians getting up all really samey and kind of boring. And the audience lap it up because they don‘t really know any different. You get some fantastic comedians come out of America, but there‘s also a sea of samey, boring, bland comedians out there, and the audience are used to seeing that. So they enjoy it. But then when I come on they‘re like – wow! This is something totally different. They get a taste of something different. So yeah, I reckon British audiences are more comedy savvy. How was the American television work? It was Def Comedy Jam that I did where I was the first and only British comic that‘s ever appeared on that show. So doing that was a big weight on my shoulders. But I took it in my stride and I enjoyed it. It was fun. I was already working clubs and doing the gigs. I wasn‘t that nervous because I knew that this was what I‘d been working for all of my career. So it didn‘t faze me very much at all. An audience is an audience. I‘m a British comic but I‘ve travelled all over the world doing comedy. I‘ve been to Iraq twice, Hong Kong, Singapore, Japan, Dubai, Spain. I‘ve done comedy everywhere so, you know, it didn‘t faze me. It‘s just another audience. Gina Yashere, at The Parlure Spiegeltent, Mon 18 May, 9.45pm, £12/10

Comedy listings Tuesday 5 Phil Kay, Zoe Lyons & Special Guest Unpredictable improvised comedy mayhem from veteran Phil Kay, and sharptongued wit from Zoe Lyons. Also on Wednesday. Parlure Spiegeltent, 9.45pm, £10/8

quality, 21st century vaudevillian comedic turns. Fletch @ St Andrew’s Church, 8pm, £12/10 Tag Comedy High-energy comedy format with Stephen Grant, Jon Richardson and Micky Flanagan. Komedia, 7pm, £8.50/6.50

Thursday 7 The Raymond and Mr Timpkins Revue An evening of not even slightly normal, top

Friday 8 Red Brick Comedy Fine and funny late night Fringe comedy,

The work of the acclaimed artist Anish Kapoor is in many locations this May Brighton Festival’s guest artistic director Anish Kapoor is a world renowned sculptor and artist, and his work will be found around the city as part of the May festivities. Fabrica is hosting three of his works this month – Blood Relations (a collaboration with novelist Salman Rushdie), 1000 Names 1979-80, and Music Boxes, a collaboration between Kapoor and composer Brian Elias, were all selected by Kapoor. Also, the Brighton Festival commissioned site-specific Dismemberment Of Jeanne d’Arc 2009 is at The Old Municipal Market, while The Basement hosts Imagined Monochrome (Massage) 2009, which has been designed to give the participant the experience of monochromatic colour. His work will also appear at Pavilion Gardens (Sky Mirror 2006) and at The Chattri South Downs (C-Curve). Anish Kapoor, various locations and venues, until 24 May.

Art listings Blank Studios

Permanent Gallery

108 North Street, Portslade Sonic Art Curated by sound artist and arts technologist Mike Blow, Sonic Art explores the use of sound in art, through recorded work, installations, new instruments and visualisations, showcasing 11 sound artists from UK and abroad. •7–30 May, Thurs–Sun 1–8pm

Bedford Place, Brighton 01273 710389 Ocean Mims: Things For Here, Now and There Mims celebrates the materials and products of mass-produced domestic design. •2 May-7 June, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

Fabrica

with headliners Ginger and Black, MC’d by Zoe Lyons. Also on Saturday. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 10pm, £10/8

Duke Street, Brighton Anish Kapoor Works by Brighton Festival guest artistic director. •Until 24 May, 12–8pm every day (11pm on 17 May)

Saturday 9

Regency Town House

Rosie Wilby: I Am Nesia The Funny Women finalist investigates human memory. A talented lady leading the way on the circuit. Also on Sunday. The Quadrant, 5.15pm, £5

13 Brunswick Square, Hove Selector’s Choice Exhibition based on the theme of ‘House’ and featuring artists from the Artists’ Open Houses. 2-3, 9-10, 16-17, 23-24 May, 12-6pm

Ink_d Gallery North Road, Brighton 01273 645299 Modern Toss Cartoonists and ripe-language pioneers from Brighton. Their latest exhibition features screenprints, letterpress prints, moving things built from string and wood and a 100-yearold calendar… •Until 30 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Charleston Gallery Charleston Farmhouse 01323 811626 Thurston Hopkins Former graduate of Brighton Art School spent eight years working as a

photographer for the Picture Post, capturing the revived spirit of British life as it emerged from the austere aftermath of the Second World War. •Until 10 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 Susan Collins: Seascape New body of work by this artist who combines digital technologies with the classical traditions of English landscape painting. •Until 14 June, open every day, 10am–6pm

Lighthouse 28 Kensington Street, 01273 647197 Billy Cowie A 3D film installation. Ghosts In The Machine, combines specialised techniques of stereoscopic filmmaking with inventive dance choreography. •Until 31 May, Wed–Sun 12–6pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 25

Write club

Events highlights In style

Nature conservation

Fashionistas need to book Friday 22 to Sunday 24 May out in their diaries as the Brighton Frocks Fashion Weekender returns for its fifth year. A showcase catwalk show kicks off the event at The Hilton Brighton Metropole, Project Catwalk’s Tom Lipop will showcase his first collection alongside Brighton designers Renaissance, Jo Fleming and Gresham Blake. Over the rest of the weekend, shopping emporiums, open studios and fashion installations take place across the city. Event organiser Liz Bishop said: “The city-wide event is a chance for everyone involved to shine and show the rest of the UK and beyond what Brighton has to offer in terms of style and fashion.” Grab your designer bag and we’ll see you there!

A special workshop takes place this Saturday 9 May taking a deeper approach to nature conservation. Join Iain Scott, director of The Wildlife For All Trust as this workshop looks at ways of making a difference to the environment and nature.

Charleston photograph by Axel Hesslenberg © Courtesy of The Charleston Trust 2008

ave you ever been to Charleston? It’s the former home of Vanessa Bell and Duncan Grant, members of the Bloomsbury Group, that circle of artists who lived in squares and loved in triangles. This May, as a kind of country version of what goes on in Brighton, the Charleston Festival brings together some of the best writers, thinkers, artists, and scientists around. And that’s just the audience…

Midcentury style The Midcentury Show takes place this Sunday 10 May at the De La Warr Pavilion in nearby Bexhill-on-Sea. The vintage fair features cool customiser of mid-century furniture Zoe Murphy among 3O top dealers selling furniture fabrics, ceramics, glass and lighting. The Midcentury Show, De la Warr Pavilion, Bexhill on Sea, Sun 10 May 11am–4pm, £5

Photo: Lucie Goodayle head of visuals for George Alexander Group (0845 052 7733).

The Brighton Frocks Fashion Show kicks off events of the fashion weekend. Friday 22 May at Hilton Metropole, Brighton. Tickets cost £13/11/9 and are available from 01273 709709 or www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk

The workshop is free of charge and will be held in central Brighton. Places are limited and must be pre-booked in advance on 07906 697226 or 01273 748405.

John O’Donoghue celebrates 20 years of the Charleston Festival, and considers Creative Writing

“Typical of the thoughtful, brilliant programming” This year looks particularly sumptuous. On Friday 15 May Hilary Mantel and Ann Wroe will be talking about imaginative approaches to fiction and biography. Mantel is a terrific writer and Wroe’s biography, Being Shelley, is a tour de force of creative reconstruction. Graham Swift will be talking later that evening to James Naughtie about his recent memoir, Making An Elephant. I’ve admired Swift since Waterland, and Naughtie since he woke me up this morning. On Sun 17 May two below stairs squints at the famous. Jill Dawson and Bethan Roberts’ novels feature serving girls peeping at, respectively, Rupert Brooke and Peggy Guggenheim, who lived briefly in Sussex in the 30s. Roberts’ first novel, The Pools, was a striking debut. Catch her while you can. Then from Wednesday 20 May to Friday 22 May Faber & Faber’s Creative Writing School is in residence, with Faculty Andrew Motion and novelist Patrick Gale; Sarah Hall (The Carhullan Army) and Andrew Miller (Casanova); and life-writers Hermione Lee, Jenny Uglow and William Fiennes. Tickets for these classes are £125 per day. The day runs from 9.30am to 5pm, with lunch and refreshments. On Saturday 23 May Richard Holmes and Jenny Uglow will discuss the Romantics and their scientist friends; and writers such as Fielding and Dickens and their illustrators Hogarth and Phiz. Holmes and Uglow are two of the most gifted biographers of their generation, and are typical of the thoughtful, brilliant programming at Charleston. Details of all events: www.charleston.org.uk

Events listings Wednesday 7 Cat and Canary Grand Charity Week: Dominoes Dominoes tournament in aid of St Barnabas and Chestnut Tree House. Cat and Canary, 8pm Catalyst Club A speak-easy for the 21st century: debate. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £4. Everyone Can Play Music Interactive workshop for people who like to communicate

through music. Ages 12+. Info on 07796 054442. Coach House, 4pm–7pm, £10

Thursday 8 Malone’s My First Disco DJs and dancing for parents and their toddlers. No kids music – funk, hip hop and motown for all to enjoy. Latest Music Bar, 3pm–5pm, £2.50 (1 adult & child).

Book listings Sunday 10

Wednesday 7

The Midcentury Show Vintage fair with 3O top dealers selling furniture fabrics, ceramics, glass and lighting plus the stamp of approval from Elle Decoration. www.modernshows.com. De La Warr Pavilion, 11am–4pm, £5

Grit Lit presents Nights of Stories from the Edge Stranger-than-fiction fact and weirder-than-life fiction – eight writers, all with Brighton connections. Red Roaster Café, 7.45pm–10pm, £2.50

Saturday 9 I’m Not Dead – I’m 55 Poems and music with singer

songwriter Chris Sykes and guitarists John Blackwell and Gareth Huw Davies. www.cpsykes.co.uk also 10 May 2.15pm, Friends Meeting House, 7.45pm-–9pm, £10

Sunday 10 A Storytelling Workshop for Beginners Learn more about crafting stories – hosted by the Guest House Storytellers.

Coach House, 10am-4pm, £20/15 Hanover Poetry Festival Poetry and spoken word. Plus workshops, open mic, refreshments, special guests and surprises. www.younghanoverians.org This is a Fringe event. Hanover Community Centre, 12pm–6.30pm, free.

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26 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

Mojo rising Mojos Fins have made an amazing comeback following the tragic death of Jon Chandler in 2007

news

Mark Eitzel

▲

Night life For three nights only Animal Ink has drawn together some of Brighton’s finest acting and musical talents to create a unique evening of quality acts and surprises. Olivier awardwinning playwright Simon Stephens present Extracts of Marine Parade, a new play about love with evocative and powerful music by Mark Eitzel from highly acclaimed band American Music Club. The cast features local actor Lee Ross, best known for his role in The Catherine Tate Show; singer Lucy Jules, and actor Philip Cox. Lee Ross’s Brighton band provide the music, plus there’s DJ Tim Lewis. Animal Nights, 5, 6, 13 May, The Brunswick

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Ace on bass One of the world's finest bass players replays his amazing career, playing the music and talking about the making of those great records. He did nearly all Dusty Springfield’s great records, performed on ‘Space Oddity’ with Bowie, and worked with TRex, George Harrison and Paul McCartney. He also produced the most distinctive bass line in rock history on Lou Reed's ‘Walk On the Wild Side’. A fine raconteur, he’ll be joined by Chris Spedding, who added soulful bluesy guitar to Dusty's records and recently toured with Brian Ferry and War Of The Worlds. Latest Music Bar. 8 May

t’s been a difficult journey for this fourpiece, having suffered the totally unexpected and tragic death of founder member Jon Chandler in 2007. Their future seemed uncertain but later in that year they took the decision to carry on, taking on former Neenor guitarist Adam Atkins. Obviously Jon is still a big factor in the band’s lives and music. “The Sound That I Still Hear“ is a line from the song ‘In The Script’ that Jon wrote,” says Stephen, who is now the principal songwriter of the band – although they do still write collectively. “It’s a bit like a legacy; not only is it his song but it’s been recorded, and it’s something that that will be there forever,” says Adam. “Maybe three-quarters of the album Jon and I wrote together. This album reaches back a few years,” adds Stephen. The band are now looking to pastures new; their adventures beyond Brighton so far have included a trip to the Pilton Working Men‘s Club, a finalist in the Q Emerging Talent competition with slots on Glastonbury’s main stages up for grabs. Judged by Michael and Emily Eavis, Radio One’s Huw Stephens, and members of the Q editorial team, “it was a stressful experience,’ says Stephen. “We’ve done Battle of the Bands before, but when they announced

the

Big

Camille O’Sullivan Brilliant cabaret star, many of you would have seen at the Spiegeltent over the years. Friday 5 June, Dome

gig

on stage: ‘Welcome to the Battle of the Bands’, there was a collective sigh among all the musicians,”he adds. “It’s not like a running a race,” laughs Adam. Still, the fact they got to the final means they will be playing the hallowed Glastonbury Festival this year. Plus they are booked to play Beachdown in August, and this week will performing two special sets at Latest Music Bar, an afternoon acoustic set followed by an ‘electric’ set in the evening along with Syd Arthur and Restlesslist. “It’s nice to have a bit of duality, more than one side to the band,” says Adam. “We've done a live acoustic session upstairs at The Red Room, which may get a release at some point in the future. It hurts my fingers more, though!” Mojo Fins, 9 May, Latest Music Bar, 1pm & 9pm The Sound That I Still Hear is available now

UPCOMING GIGS Orquesta Aragón 12 May, Dome Great Escape 14-16 May Enter Shikari 16 May, Concorde 2 Bon Iver 18 May, Dome Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Dizzy Gillespie All Stars 21 May, Concorde 2 Antony and the Johnsons 21 May, Dome Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Kristin Hersh 27 May, Duke of Yorks Terry Callier 28 May, Coalition Shapeshifter 28 May, Concorde 2 Handsome Family 29 May, De La Warr Manic Street Preachers 2 June, Dome Florence & The Machine 2 June, Concorde 2 Camille O’Sullivan 5 June, Dome UFO 9 June, Concorde 2

Orbital 10 June, Dome Katy Perry 11 June, Dome De La Soul 12 June, Concorde 2 The Damned 13 June, Corn Exchange Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Billy Bragg 17 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Answer 24 June, Concorde 2 The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Georgie Fame 26 June, Dome Loop 11-12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28-31 August Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

027_LS422 Musiclist/Musichi

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MUSIC 27

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 5 to Monday 11 May

Tuesday 5 Access To Music Showcase from the local music school. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £2 Alessi's Ark Folk. Freebutt, 8pm, free. High Five Drive Canadian Alt Punkers. Hobgoblin, 8pm, free. Otis Gibbs + support Writer of songs, teller of tales. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Sitkovetsky Piano Trio Pavilion Theatre, 1pm, £8. Slip Jam: B Hip Hop open mic The Hope, 8pm- 11.30pm, free. The Texas Knitting Machine – An Introduction To The Pedal Steel Guitar Komedia, 9.30pm, £5/4. Your Demise Hardcore metal. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc.

Wednesday 6 Art Brut + The Robocop Kraus Eccentric indie rockers. Concorde 2, 8pm, £9. ‘Up Yours’ To The Festival! with Brian & Jerry Chat and live music. Latest Music Bar, 9.30pm, £5/4. Club NME with Joey Nightmare + Leaving St Francis + The Sly Tones Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free. Jack and the Candlesticks + Self Help Group Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Portico Quartet The Old Market, 8pm, £10/8. Quartetto Di Cremona Pavilion Theatre, 1pm, £8. Show Of Hands Genre-defying English acoustic band. Komedia, 8pm, £17/15. The Fatigue + No Sharp Objects + Spitefire Honest, tribal beats and energetic indie/rock. The Hope, 8pm, £4/3 NUS. The Oyster Princess Flat Earth Society perform Peter Vermeersch’s score to silent movie, Brighton Dome, 8pm, £18–6.

Thursday 7 Clockworks + Alektrophobia + The Lullabies Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Damaged Goods Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc. John Adams: Harmonium Brighton Dome, 8pm, £30-10. Laura Lucas : flute + Dominic John : piano Pavilion Theatre, 1pm, £8. Lea De Laria Up-tempo swing, haunting ballads. The Old Market, 8pm, £12.50. Zaum Music instantly conceived. Brighton Unitarian Church, 7pm, £9/7.

Friday 8 A Talk On The Wild Side with Herbie Flowers & Chris Spedding Conversation, Q & A and music! Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £10. All Turn Native presents Enos + Soul Scream + Oaf Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Brighton Jams Funked out, bass-slapping dance grooves. Thomas Kemp Pub, 8pm, free. Just Supposin’ This Status Quo tribute act.

Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £4 One Big Secret Signed and unsigned talent plus DJs til late. Concorde 2, 8pm-3am, £10. Rich Beahan + Special Guests Brighton Unitarian Church, 9.30pm, £7.50/6. Sinatra! Sharp suits and smooth vocals! Brighton Unitarian Church, 10.30pm, £7/5. The Magnets –- Six Mics, No Luggage Vocals & beatboxing. Komedia, 6pm, £12.50/10. Tudo Bem! Five-piece Brazilian samba funk band. The Brunswick, 8pm, £5. Villagers Arc Party with Malarky + Wide Eyed Order + Brown Star Funk, ska, upbeat acoustic and European rhythms. Arc, 9pm, £5.

Saturday 9 Snakebite Whitesnake tribute act. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £8. The Ben Sarfas Quartet Violinist extraordinaire joins the hottest jazz fusion band. The Brunswick, 8pm, £8. The Leisure Society + Shoreline Pavilion Theatre, 9pm, £8.50. The Mojo Fins Spellbinding harmonies run over their catchy pop/rock. Second performance at 9.30pm. Latest Music Bar, 1pm, £6–2.

Sunday 10 Cardboard Boudoir with Gabriel Burne + Jake Beattie + Jamie N Commons + Nat Jenkins Sidewinder, 8pm, free. Doolally And Oxjam Do The Fringe with Floors & Walls + Alice + Shirley Big beat, hard lyrics, D’n’B. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/4. Ergo Schmidt and the Panic Attacks Acoustic players. The Foundry, 8pm, free. Heaven’s Basement Gritty rock’n’roll. Freebutt, 8pm, free. Orkestra Del Sol + Magic Number Parlure Spiegeltent, 8pm, £12/10. Po’Girl West Hill Hall, 7pm, £tbc. Roast ‘n’ Jazz with Magdalena Reising & the Blue Cafe Ensemble Latest Music Bar, 12.30pm- 3.30pm, £10. Suzanna Cassam – Music Tuition Nursery rhymes, jazz, classical, pop and rock from local pupils. Latest Music Bar, 2pm, £4. The Broken Family Band + Dan Michaelson & The Coastguards Hanbury Club, 7pm, £12/10.

Art Brut Eddie Argos and band make an insightful, literate racket, a kind of one-off conversational type of indie, where Eddie talks loudly in vague poetic style, culling funny and interesting snippets from his diary of daily observations. New record marries his love of the sounds of Iggy, The Replacements and post punk with his general love of music. Strangely compelling. Wednesday 6 May, Concorde 2 Portico Quartet Four young musicians from London whose post-jazz indie hybrid was honed on the streets of London and in unusual spaces such as churches and galleries. Their debut album Knee-Deep In The North Sea was Time Out’s Jazz, Folk and World music album of the year in 2007 and was nominated for the Mercury Music Prixe last year. Referencing jazz and African influences their trance-like music invokes the spirit of Philip Glass. Wednesday 6 May, Old Market Po’Girl This West Canada roots outfit continues to beguile audiences with their sweet, gently hypnotic melodies. European folk, western lament and speakeasy jazz combine to utterly transfixing effect; one of the best things to have come out of Canada recently. Sunday 10 May, West Hill Hall

The Leisure Society + Shoreline Brightonbased Wilkommen Collective continues its Pavilion Theatre residency (as part of the Brighton Festival) with more lo-fi, nu-folk adventures. Film soundtrack writer Nick Hemming (often working with Shane Meadows This is England director) and Christian Hardy make wistful chamber folk-pop that has recently culminated in their superb debut album. Also featured is Brighton-based Shoreline, a ninepiece band whose left-field take on the English tradition shares common ground with US weirdfolkies CocoPosie and Joanna Newsom. Saturday 9 May, Pavilion Theatre Orkestra Del Sol Inspired by the brass-band traditions of Central and Eastern Europe, this huge outfit combine the swagger of a Balkan wedding band with the vibrancy of Caribbean carnivals and the flair of a Latin ballroom. Support comes from Brighton’s top notch gypsy jazz swing outfit Magic Number. . Sunday 10 May, Parlure Spiegeltent Magdalena Reising Singer and harpist of The Blue Café ensemble, she’ll be joined by worldclass Italian pianist Tony Pancella, along with Steve Thompson on double bass and Alex Eberhard on percussion. Expect to hear a mix of contemporary lounge jazz mixed with her unique jazz arrangements of poems by Rabby Burns and Galczwnski. Sunday 10 May, Latest Music Bar

Art Brut

Monday 11 Breakthrough with Rough Trade featuring The Crissars + Alibi Tom + The Wasp Factory Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £5/4. Celtic Cadences Spring Ceilidh Celtic harp and flute songs. The Brunswick, 7pm, £8. The Levellers + Drookit Dogs These folk rock giants play a rare intimate acoustic gig Parlure Spiegeltent, 8pm, £15/13 Jaime Pettit

Aged 16–25? Do something different...volunteer! Brighton and Hove Volunteers is here to help and support young people aged 16–25 to get involved in voluntary work in the city. It's a great way to try something different, gain experience and have fun while doing something useful for your community. We can help you find all sorts of voluntary work that fits in with your lifestyle and accredit your work with a nationally recognised V award.

Tel: 01273 234779 email: info@bhvolunteers.org.uk www.bhvolunteers.org.uk

028_LS422 reviews/chart

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28 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases e-invention is a path fraught with risk, but it seems to be paying off for the Noisettes whose second album Wild Young Hearts looks set for for some chart action. Previously a noisy, propulsive indie band (who, by the way, were anticipating some success with their earlier album and singles) they’ve re-aligned themselves as a much more poppier proposition, but without sacrificing their ear for melody and their ability to marry jazz vibes with electric rock rhythms and soulful balladry. It certainly helps that lead singer and guitarist Shingai Shoniwa is an alternative style icon, but you’ve gotta use everything in your armoury to succeed in this very crowded market place. Brighton’s Brakes hold a fond place in the hearts of many a DJ, often cited as one of the best indie bands around, marrying a devastating punk charge, with American-style alt-rock, country rhythms and plenty of acerbic wit. New album Touchdown continues this formula, with three songs clocking in at under two minutes. Overall, it‘s another successful outing for Brakes, loveable chugging beast of a band. American Tom Brosseau has come now completely come out of the dark and somewhat experimental lo-fi expanses of his previous work and has come into his own with the sublime Posthumous Success. That nasal Dylanesque whine is still there, but there’s no copying the Great One. Instead, Brousseau’s magical ability to write beautifully flowing yet fragile songs has matured into something truly wonderful. Let’s hope he doesn’t kick the bucket now! Since her brief visit to the world of pop stardom with the number one hit Perfect back in 1988, Eddi Reader has carved out a successful career as a singer-songwriter, rooted in the folk tradition, but braving the elements of straight ahead acoustic balladry, boho-jazz and pop. Interestingly enough she got her first ‘break’ as backing vocalist with Gang Of Four, but her new album Love Is The Way couldn’t be musically further away. A few nuggets are interspersed with a somewhat bland MOR feel. Sweet soul music continues to find the margins, and as well as the resurgence of the old school, soul dance continues to offer up uplifting tones designed to relax and chill. Lyrically, this kind of soul never presented much of a challenge as practitioners continue to insist that I Can’t Give You Up and You Got Me Bad. Smoove and Turrell dig into the old vibes of early house and garage, but with a solid funk groove underlining things. There is an endearing lo-fi charm to Antique Soul, somewhat against the grain of super smooth productions that dominate the airwaves.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 tenek – State Of Mind ★ 2 tenek – If I Should Fall - ep version 3 Digitalis – No Control 4 Kontour – The Kennedy Syndrome 5 Chaos Borne – Watching 6 Swarf – Parlour Tricks 7 Mr Resonate – Say What You Mean 8 Chaos Borne – The Moment 9 Tubba 3 Ply – Gerhard 10 Thunk – Micromophone The Top Five have made themselves comfy at home, with just tenek’s powerful, electro-pop drenched State of Mind switching with their own If I Should Fall. Elsewhere Chaos Borne have kicked the hay off No Sharp Objects to reclaim a top ten seat. As do funky Thunk and Tubba 3 Ply’s moody breakin’ beats. Another golden week for electronica. 11 The Woo!worths K O N I C H I W A (dem oh) 12 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 13 Mr resonate The opposite vibe feat. North Laine & Lionheart 14 Mr resonate All that im not 15 No Sharp Objects Home 16 sMs I’m sorry Dave 17 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall Every Time 18 Caramel Jack Curtain 19 Frunt, Bak & Nutz The Rites Of Wolf 20 Sparker 1000 DAYS (NOW I WANT YOU) 21 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 22 Glitters From Billy Holiday 23 Glitters From Billy Little Star 24 The Mojo Fins Always Now 25 sMs Airport dreaming

26 Rosko For Your Ears Only 27 breakinbear Breeze 28 N-D-E Incredible Machine 29 Amongst The Pigeons Wings Wings Beat 30 Cath O'Drae Mugged By The System 31 Offcuts Flesh 32 Millsy slug music Power 33 Jaybee Miles to go 34 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 35 Loc E Chemical Romance 36 Automatic Shoes Your Father 37 Dan Sumner Glitterball 38 Kidda Kidda vs. Beastie Boys – Triple Trouble 39 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 40 Afterspark Little Glow

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 192

HAS MOVED TO BRIGHTON

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ACROSS: 1 Burnt-offering 7 Umbrage 9 Super 10 Catapult 11 Kiss 13 Recent 15 Rostra 18 Twin 19 Flounces 22 Plead 23 Presume 24 Dressing table DOWN: 1 Bouncer 2 Robot 3 Trapping 4 East 5 Imprint 6 Girls 8 Eels 12 Document 14 Chinese 16 Austere 17 Clip 18 Tepid 20 Crumb 21 Ides Solution to Quick 192

ACROSS: 1 Extermination 7 Regalia 9 Super 10 Arranged 11 Dish 13 Killer 15 Cantab 18 Sack 19 Vengeful 22 Route 23 Stained 24 Burnt-offering DOWN: 1 Earmark 2 Tiger 3 Relented 4 Also 5 Imprint 6 North 8 Amen 12 Language 14 Lacquer 16 Bull-dog 17 Mess 18 Scrub 20 Fungi 21 Pest © Crossword Shop

029_LS422_clublist/clubhi

5/1/09

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BARS & CLUBS 29

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 5 May to Monday 11

Tuesday 5 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever.10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge It’s ***King Good. Prescription cheese and chart. 10.30pm, £1 New Hero This Exists. Pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10.30pm–2am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions.11pm–4am, £2/free.

Wednesday 6 Arc Life Is Easy. 10pm, free b4 12 –£1 after. Audio Supercharged. Scratching, mash-ups and mind blowing mixing with a monster 5-deck set from Stereo:Type. 11pm–2.30am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live NME bands & DJs. 10.30pm–3.30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. Unpretentious pop, electro and house.11pm–6am, £3/2 Po Na Na Urban Chic. 10pm–3am, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12–£2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father For I Have Synth’d. 80s electro. 11pm–3am, £tbc

Thursday 7 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Love Blow. R’n’B, funky house and floor-fillers.10.30pm–3am, £2/1 NUS. Funky Buddha Lounge Old Kool. Classic house. 10.30pm–3am, £free–£3 New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2 Om Bar and Club Thank Funk It’s Thursday. Funk, dub,reggae and dub-step. 8.30pm, free. Pavilion Tavern Mod For It. 60s mod extravaganza. 10pm-3am, £3/2 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2

Friday 8 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s night. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Square Roots. Croydon’s Dubstep warrior, Skream. 11pm–4am, £8/7. Brighton Coalition Freak Bazaar. 10.30pm–6am, £10/8. Concorde 2 Red Mutha’s KidRave Day event. Big tunes for the little guys. Plus games, comps and food, so have it large or small. 1pm, £5. Followed by: One Big Secret. DJs and bands all living in dark shadows to be revealed… Ssshh you know nothing. 8pm–3am, £10. Digital Stonelove. Indie rock. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin’ rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Fish The Funkyfish.10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club MN2S. Electro and filthy house, Bodyrox and CJ Macintosh. 10pm–4am, £10-5. Komedia Balkaneasca. Frenzied mix of brassheavy Gypsy Beats. Live musicians. 11pm, £6/5. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms Innovation Vs Definition. Blaring D’n’B, Jungle, Dub and Old Skool with DJ

Hazard. 10pm–6am, £tbc. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock’n’Roll mayhem. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3. Po Na Na Ice Box. House. 10pm–3am, £5/4 Volks Carbon – 5th Birthday. Pure Underground D’n’B. 11pm–6am, £7 b4 11.30pm.

Saturday 9 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10.30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. House and techno. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Floorplay. The boys are dolling out the usual dose of Ibiza-influenced, dance vibes. 10.30pm–4am, £10/7. Followed by: Blow The Afterparty. 3am–8am, £7/4 Concorde 2 Full Moon Party. A one night reunion mash-up. All kindsa flavours for all kinda ravers. 11pm-5am, £5. Cuckoo Club Muzika. Cutting edge and funky retro house. 10pm–4am, £10/8 Digital Digital Sessions. Its The Swedish House Mafia! 11pm-4am, £12.50. Engine Rooms Punk Karaoke.10pm-3am, £2. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Hanbury Club We Luv Pop – We Luv Power Ballads. 7pm–2am, £8/6. Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm-5am, £12/5 NUS Komedia Brighton Rock. Smashing out the best classic rock and metal. 11pm, £8/6. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music. 8pm-4am, free b4 11-£6 after New Hero It Is Still 1985. 10pm, £3 Ocean Rooms Classic Miss Moneypenny’s 11pm-6am, £10-6 Om Bar and Club Heavy Disco. Deep disco tech with guest DJ, Ali Broadcast. 9pm, free. Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, House. 10pm–3am, £10/5 The Hope Murderdisco. Brighton’s trail blazing eclectro-pop night. 9pm–2am, £3. Volks Fringe Festival: Estrondo. Groovy dance music from ‘the funkiest electro-bateria north of Rio’. 11pm, £2. Water Margin Logo. 3am, £7/5

with Jaime Pettit Supercharged What do you get if you blend two of the finest breakbeat producers, Ctrl Z and Screwface up? Heavy-laden beats with balls. Having bagged collaborations with the likes of Foreign Beggars and Beardyman they are now here to shake you by your bass roots. Expect scratching, mash-ups, beat juggling and mind blowing mixing with a monster 5-deck set. Wednesday 6 May, Audio Freak Bazaar Freak Bazaar return with more funkin' groovy underground Trance, Progressive, Psychedelic Electronica, Downtempo, Ethnic, Balkan and Dub. Plus retina-blasting twisting decor and liquid projections from Somethin’ Groovy. Friday 8 May, Brighton Coalition Mn2s The stylish global house brand lands with a mighty thud on our shores. Bringing big names in electro and filthy house, Bodyrox and CJ

Mn2s Macintosh. Bodyrox have been packing out clubs and charts for years grown a name as one of the most viewed electro bands in the world. So get slinky and dirty for what is guaranteed to be a banging road blocker of a night. Friday 8 May, Honey Club Miss Moneypenny’s Classics Glam central and branded outrageous, Miss Moneypenny paints Brighton all kindsa hedonistic. Dolling out Trance, Tech, Electro and House. Saturday 9 May, Ocean Rooms

FreakBazaar FreakBazaar

Sunday 10 Arc Irie. Ragga, R’n’B. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm-3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency. Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free.

Monday 11 Coalition Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe. 10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1 Om Bar and Club Spun. 8:30pm, £3 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2.30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit

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with Chris Spedding

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030_LS422 gay news

5/1/09

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30 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Body care HIV and sexual health charity Terrence Higgins Trust (THT) has launched a volunteer recruitment drive in Brighton and Hove. The charity is looking for local people who are able to give up some of their free time as volunteer fundraisers to help support its services. THT, which has a centre in Brighton, provides a wide range of services locally including information and advice around HIV and sexual health, HIV testing, counselling, one to one support, peer support groups and specialist advice for people living with HIV including on employment and benefits. Mark Cull, health promotion co-ordinator for THT in Brighton and Hove, said: “Our volunteers play a vital role in our work and without them, we couldn’t provide all the services we do. In return for giving up some of your time we’ll ensure you’re trained and supported. “We’re looking for people from all walks of life, so if you’re interested in making a difference and would like to help Terrence Higgins Trust, please get in touch.” Volunteers recently helped

raise over £170 for THT by holding a fundraising event at The Body Shop in North Street, Brighton. The store asked shoppers to make a donation in return for a hand massage or makeover and also donated a hamper worth £200 for a raffle. Fundraising volunteer Phillip said: “I volunteer for THT because I wanted to give something back to the community as well as gaining some experience in the charity sector.” As well as helping at The Body Shop fundraising event, Phillip raised £110 by asking guests at his birthday party to make a donation to THT. For more information on becoming a volunteer or to request an application pack call 01273 764200 or email info.brighton@tht.org.uk

Equal rights Stonewall welcomed publication of a new Equality Bill. The LGB lobbying organisation said the Bill will simplify and update a complex framework of equality laws, making it easier for individuals and organisations to understand and access the law in one place. It will level up legal safeguards, addressing gaps in protection where they remain. In a statement, Stonewall said: “The proposed equality duty on public bodies is a particularly significant measure, the missing piece in the jigsaw for full legal

protection for gay people across Britain. Lesbian, gay and bisexual people fund public services like everyone else. Yet all too often they receive second-class treatment from key services.“ The proposed duty will require public services including healthcare, education and policing to actively promote equality. Many public bodies that Stonewall works with are already taking such steps. Stonewall will be working with politicians in the coming months to ensure the measures become law.

Love letters Head over heels, or single, bitter and twisted? Get down to Topping and Butch’s Rough Guide To Love ho said romance was dead – did you know that you can print out love letters from the internet and cross out the irrelevant passages before sending to your beloved? In their latest comedy show for Brighton Festival Fringe, cabaret stars Topping and Butch tear into the romancelessness of modern life by reading examples of these letters, as well as giving their own warts-and-all translations of what the authors really mean. The tongue-in-cheek performers have based their material for Topping and Butch’s Rough Guide To Love on a Valentine’s performance they created for The Leicester Comedy Festival. The bill might be all about love, but they admit the repertoire is not all hearts and flowers. “It’s about how we are supposed to behave when we are in love,” explains Butch. “Dragging round a red rose is probably about the least romantic thing you could do, unless you have a rose-shaped handbag. “It’s also about the problems of dating somebody who is much younger or older than yourself. In my experience, it is fabulous having sex with young people but conversation can dry up a bit. Sometimes they can be a little bit thick. Why is that attractive, and where can you first see the signs that it won’t work?” In true Topping and Butch style, the Guide is a bawdy musical show, with one song, according to Topping “about an inappropriate object of affection”. Topping and Butch, aka Michael Topping and Andrew Simmons, are familiar faces on Brighton’s cabaret scene, and when in town they usually play venues such as Charles Street and Legends. The pair, who live in Streatham, have played Fringe festivals all over the world. Butch believes Brighton is more ‘artsy‘ and eclectic than many other places. “Brighton’s spoilt for choice. There are places in the world where they don’t have a big cultural scene the rest of the year, like Adelaide and Edinburgh where the Fringe takes over the whole city. “All year round in Brighton there are creative things going on.“ Topping and Butch are currently appearing on a gay Czech TV show, teaching Czech audiences English ‘gayspeak’. They are also preparing for Edinburgh. Topping and Butch’s Rough Guide to Love promises silly costumes, silly songs, a smattering of current affairs and a total irreverence about relationships. Parlure Spiegeltent, Old Steine, Wednesday 6 May, 9.45–11pm. Tickets £10/8. Call 0844 8007114 or visit www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk

031_LS421 gay listings

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LATEST GAY 31

Gay listings Tuesday 5 to Monday 11 May Tuesday 5 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free. Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free. Ghetto Quiz Alicious & Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free. Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free. Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free. Revenge Sound As A Pound. DJ LadyBex throwing out 80s, 90s, 00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a raffle prize! 10.30pm, £1 The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok – The Mile High Tour. 8pm, £22/10

Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11pm. Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girls Night. Two floors of mayhem with DJs. 8pm–2am, free. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks for £20! 9pm, free. R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Lollipop Vs Altitude. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after. The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion Lady Boys Of Bangkok Bangkok. Sixteen beautiful showgirls who just happen to be men! 7pm and 9.15pm, £12 The Zone Deborah D’Arcy. High powered vocals and an energetic set. 9.30pm, free.

Wednesday 6

Saturday 9

Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free. Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun & Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Lil Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free. Revenge Guilty. Big funky and electro beats. 11pm–3am, free NUS or b4 12 – £2 after. Star Inn Charity Jukebox. 12pm–11pm, free. The Basement Play. Uplifting house and dance anthems with DJ Lil Alex. 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion Lady Boys Of Bangkok – The Mile High Tour. 8pm, £22/10

Amsterdam Sun Downers. House music. 8pm–2am, free. Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11 Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Party Night. Fab tunes plus live music. 8pm–2am, free. Queen’s Arms Cabaret, 3.30–5.30pm. Bar open 12pm–12.30am, free. R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free. Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free. The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Divas + Booty Call. Live music from 6pm! Then Booty Call kicks in from 8.30pm. Bar open 12pm, free. The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. 7pm and 9.15pm, £22/10 The Zone Presents... Sally Vate. Songs and tall tales to be heard tonight! 9:30pm, free.

Sunday 10

Lady Boys Of Bangkok

Thursday 7 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. £1.25 a pint, £1 a bottle, small wine or shot. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles Street Club Religion. Funky house 10pm–3am, £4/3 NUS Ghetto HDSM. Leather to lycra with Jon Byrne splashing out hard dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free. Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm-3am, free. R-Bar Pre-Girls On Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free. Revenge Girls On Top.10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after. The Basement Boys Below. Men only night. Chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion Lady Boys Of Bangkok – The Mile High Tour. Second show at 9.15pm. 7pm, £22/10.

Friday 8 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies dished up by Ruby Roo and Connie Conway. Bar open 11am, free.

Amsterdam Sunday Lunch & Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free. Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Charles Street Bar Showtime. Performance from Kandi Kane. 7.15pm, free. Charles Street Club The Ministry Of Laughs. Compere Mile Belgrave. 8.30pm-11pm, £8/5 Ghetto EuroTrash. Anything goes at this crazy art-pop-cabaret shenanigan! 10pm, free b4 11. Legends Sunday Cabaret with Lizzie Drip. Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. 7pm, £1 per entrant. Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Tiffaney Wells + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free. R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. Acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by barmy bingo! 12pm–2am, free. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander. 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. 5pm and 7.30pm, £22/10

Monday 11 Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player. Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn & Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free. Marlborough Bar & Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free R-Bar Miss Jason’s Mad house. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free. The Basement Back To The 80s & 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers. 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. Second show at 9.15pm. 7pm, £22/10

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32 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

5 – 11 MAY

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 5

The Inbetweeners Thursdays 10pm E4 friend recommended this to me. It is based around the life of the ‘new kid’ at your everyday average suburban school. I hated Skins, I thought it was some strange view based on the life of about four teenagers in Britain. I was worried this would be similar, but I was wrong. It really is holding a big mirror up at your school days. As opposed to Skins, it was clearly written by people who had been to regular school. Narrated by the ‘new kid’, Will, we follow his attempts to find friends who are cooler than the fellow new kids, but it never seems to work out. The friends he is trying to acquire are made up of the kid who claims to have had sex millions of times, the kid who is in love with his friend and the other who is just who he is. The jokes between the boys are the regular rubbing your face with two fingers up and everything being ‘gay‘. It sounds stupid, and it is, but that is exactly what school behaviour is like. Every subject is touched on, the trials and tribulations of trying to get served; boasting about conquests that are generally fictitious; being bullied; getting drunk on some strange liquor; being lippy; friends’ parents and bunking off school. And although many of us – me included – would never want to do anything that would bring those memories back, this really makes you giggle. The kids, playing the teenagers do actually look like teenagers. The sex is rare and uncomfortable to watch. The conversations are cringeworthy and make you smile because you know you have had conversations like that. Getting drunk for the first time and realising the hangover isn’t worth it. This isn’t the most groundbreaking thing on TV, but it will make you chuckle. Give it a watch and you will either love it or hate it. I really didn’t think I would like it, but surprised myself. Something will definitely make you either laugh or squirm in your seat.

Fantastic Four ★★★✩✩ (2005, E4, 9pm. Dir Tim Story) Delectable tosh, as five astronauts gets caught too near a space changey-thingy and find that their molecules are different now, leaving Jessica Alba invisible at will, Ioan Gruffudd stretchy, Chris Evans on fire and Michael Chiklis a great big rock. The fifth of our explorers is, of course, the baddie.

WEDNESDAY 6

Reservoir Dogs ★★★★★ (1992, Five, 10pm. Dir Quentin Tarantino) The cool flick with the mega soundtrack that first brought Mr Q to the world’s attention. Seven crims (including Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn, Steve Buscemi and Harvey Keitel) embark upon a bank raid and – oops! – the cops are there. Reconvening, fingers are pointed as they try to find the dirty rat.

THURSDAY 7

Eight Legged Freaks ★★★✩✩ (2002, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir Ellory Elkayem) Part horror, part comedy and a doozie of a prompt for arachnophobia as a bunch of spiders are exposed to a noxious chemical and grow into massive man-eaters. Starring David Arquette as our man who steps up to the plate in times of trouble, as well as an early turn from Scarlett Johansson, defending the small mining town they call home. B-movie lushness.

FRIDAY 8

High Fidelity ★★★★✩ (2000, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Stephen Frears) John Cusack stars in this comedy based on Nick Hornby’s novel of a record shop owner investigating his own romantic past in a bid to make sense of his romantic future. Funny, quirky and charming in parts, this was the first time many caught the magic of Jack Black.

SATURDAY 9

Endgame ★★★★✩✩ (2009,Channel 4, 7pm. Dir Pete Travis) Starring William Hurt. Political thriller

High Fidelity, Friday 8, 11.40pm, BBC1

about the true story of the secret talks that help end apartheid in South Africa. The individuals involved risked everything to achieve what was thought to be unimaginable: a delicate state of trust between two warring parties, at a time when the country was on the brink of civil war. The film also focuses on the relationship between a university professor and the director of information for the ANC, who would eventually become president of South Africa.

SUNDAY 10

Carry On Dick ★★★★✩ (1974, ITV4, 10pm. Dir Gerald Thomas) This Carry On marked the end of an era, with last appearances of Sid James, Barbara Windsor and Hattie Jacques. It was the final script to be written by Talbot Rothwell. The story’s based on the Dick Turpin legend and features Turpin (James) as an antihero, attempting to evade capture by the authorities. Bet you can’t guess what happens. Catch Sid at his leary old best.

MONDAY 11

Scent of a Woman ★★★★✩ (1992, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir Martin Brest) Starring Al Pacino. Drama about the friendship formed between two very different men. When they visit New York together for a weekend, the shocked student witnesses everything from expensive restaurants to high-class prostitution. However, by the end of their time together, the pair have been enriched.

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tuesday 5 Shameless Channel 4, 10pm This council estate comedy drama keeps on going, and we’re more than grateful. This week, Frank’s usual oblivion concerning those around him gets rudely interrupted when he finds himself unwittingly drawn into the secret murder, intrigue and lust of the Chatsworth residents. Time for a lager, we thinks.

Fix My Fat Head BBC1, 10.35pm Journalist Hannah Jones embarks on a six months journey to find out why she can’t lose weight. At 21 stone she is, officially, clinically obese but whether it’s the egg diet or the Atkins diet nothing seems to shift the extra pounds. With honesty and humour Hannah examines her own relationship with food.

Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People BBC4, 9pm As the old Snoopy quote used to say: “Winning may not be everything, but losing isn’t anything.” And so say Marcus’ new pals at the National British Model Flying Championships, where competition is taken very seriously and WAGs are not permitted. Pick your favourite.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Uncle Max 4.05 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders The Mitchells prepare for Amy’s christening, but will Roxy be able to keep the peace between Ronnie and Jack? Roxy as peacekeeper? There’s a turnaround! 8.00 Holby City A frantic Michael battles to save Annalese and his marriage. Has the carefree cocky philanderer finally come unstuck? Get your mates to say that six times, fast. 9.00 All The Small Things Drama about the trials and tribulations of a small town choir. Thrown together by the crisis, Esther and Michael have the opportunity to remember what they miss about their life together, but Layla will not let Michael go without a fight. Why? Seems like a bit of a pig all round. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Fix My Fat Head See highlights. 11.25 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. Patty makes a decision that jeopardises Tom, as Daniel Purcell helps her to unravel the mystery once and for all, and Tom makes a shocking discovery. 12.10am FILM: The Boys Of Sunset Ridge (2001) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.15 The Lost World Of Communism 3.15 Real Rescues 4.00 BBC News

6.00 – 11.00am Children’s television 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 The Maths Channel – Year 6 11.30 The Maths Channel 11.40 Focus 11.50 Focus 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is: Food 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Labour Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 Six Degrees Of Separation Film unfolding the science behind the idea of six degrees of separation. Originally thought to be an urban myth, it now appears that anyone on the planet can be connected in just a few steps of association. 7.50 Secret Fawns Of Yellowstone Documentary film from the heart of Yellowstone national park. 8.00 Wainwright’s Walks Series in which Julia Bradbury explores the work of the great British fell walker and author, Alfred Wainwright. 8.30 How Britain Got The Gardening Bug Documentary looking at the extraordinary changes and crazes that have happened to British gardening since the Second World War. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools are the Manic Street Preachers, Paolo Nutini, Booker T, Taylor Swift, Grizzly Bear and Geoffrey ‘Gurrumul’ Yunupingu. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Wire McNulty finds a way to get back at Rawls. You just knew he would. 12.20am High Altitude 12.50 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 How TV Changed Britain 10.20 How TV Changed Britain 11.10 Coming Out To Class 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 British Made 12.40 The City Gardener 1.10 FILM: A Man Called Peter (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Animal Rescue Squad 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: The Brooke Ellison Story (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Charlie and Hugo’s secret is out. Roman struggles to look after himself. Ahh. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. 6.55 PEB: The Labour Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Riddle Of The Romanovs: Revealed Historical documentary probing one of the 20th century’s most enduring mysteries. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Riley and Ray are taken hostage in the aftermath of a multiple shooting. Can the pair save the life of a critically injured young man and escape unharmed? Give you a clue: it’s not the end of the series yet. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. A high-profile wedding service comes to an abrupt end when the bride is shot dead. That’ll do it. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Mac and Stella investigate after the body of a teenage contortionist is found stuffed into a small box and buried on a Coney Island beach. Sounds like it should be in a Lou Reed song. 12.00am The Shield 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.30 NBA Basketball 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.30 Big League Weekend 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Big League Weekend 5.00 Ford Football Special 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE Premier League Speedway 9.30 360 Series 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Premier League Speedway 1.30am Revista De La Liga 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 Poker 4.30 Revista De La Liga 5.30 Football Asia

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Labour Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain promises to help Debbie financially with her battle for Sarah. So time to turn over a bank, or steal a few cars? Pick a felony to save baby Sarah. Not what the parenting guides suggest. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Arsenal V Manchester United Steve Rider presents live coverage of the semi-final, second leg match from the Emirates Stadium. The two clubs will be desperate to reach the final in Rome having both been knocked out of the FA Cup semi-finals this year. Arsenal are looking to reach the final for the second time in their history, while United are hoping for a second successive Champions League title. With studio analysis from Andy Townsend and commentary from Clive Tyldesley and Jim Beglin. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras Today’s show features the country-wide war against drugs. Country-length is already drug-free. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.20 Supernatural 2.05 Loose Women 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Gaz bursts in at school and traps Nancy in a classroom before Russ rescues her. Never would’ve happened in our school. Most exciting thing there was when someone guffed in Maths. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix Gok helps 43-year-old tomboy Tracey create her dream wardrobe and the road testers in Rotherham try to find the bestfitting boots. 9.00 Born To Be Different: Turning Nine Candid documentary series exploring the pressures of living dayto-day with a disability, following six youngsters and their families from childbirth. The children are now turning nine, and have begun to tell their own stories. 10.00 Shameless See highlights. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory Flatshare comedy. A game of paintball leads to a squabble when Penny accidentally shoots a paint gun at one of Sheldon’s cushions. The horror. 11.35 My Name Is Earl US comedy. As comatose Earl continues to live in his fantasy sitcom world. 12.05am PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 1.05 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.30 World Superbikes

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Speedway 12.00pm FEI Equestrian World 12.30 Poker 2.30 FEI Equestrian World 3.00 Speedway 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Adrenaline Adventures 6.30 360 Series 7.00 Mountain Bike World 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker 11.30 NFL: Total Access 12.30am Squash: Canary Wharf Classic 1.30 Squash: Canary Wharf Classic 2.30 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 3.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 9.00 Poker 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 2.00 Adrenaline Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 H2O Sports International 3.30 Max Power 4.30 FEI Equestrian World 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Volvo Ocean Race 12.00am Fishing: Bass Fishing 1.00 Sports Unlimited 2.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Night Cops 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 Road Wars (x3) 1.45am Inside... 2.35 Road Wars Half Hours

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 12.45am Snog Marry Avoid? 1.15 Bizarre ER 1.45 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.40 Freaky Eaters

7.00pm News 7.30 Landscape Mysteries 8.00 Inside The Medieval Mind 9.00 Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People. See Highlights. 9.30 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Legends: Julie London 11.45 Flight Of The Conchords (x2) 12.40am Marcus Brigstocke’s Trophy People

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter Stateside 9.00 FILM: Love Actually (2003) 11.40 FILM: Basic Instinct (1992) 2.05am Ladette To Lady 3.00 Teleshopping

12.35pm Home To Roost 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.20 Home To Roost 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Kingdom 10.00 Wire In The Blood – The Mermaids Singing 12.10am Wycliffe 1.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.00 Surgical Spirit (x2)

11.55am Gilmore Girls 12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Fantastic Four (2005) 11.00 Shameless 12.20am Rude Tube (x2) 1.20 Scrubs

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories 11.20 Come Dine With Me 12.25am True Stories 1.45 Grand Designs

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 New Living With The Dead 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Crime Museum UK 2.30 Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 9.50 FILM: Out For A Kill (2003) 11.40 FILM: Alien Lockdown (2004) 1.30am Ghost Stories

9.30am Holiday Inn (1942) 11.15 Road To Utopia (1945) 12.50pm The Sand Pebbles (1966) 3.40 The Nutty Professor (1963) 5.40 The Black Swan (1942) 7.15 The Enemy Below (1957) 9.00 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 11.50 The Movie Geek 12.20am Experiment In Terror (1962)

9.00am There Will Be Blood (2007) 11.40 Barton Fink (1991) 1.40pm The General (1998) 3.50 The Walker (2007) 5.40 Mulholland Drive (2001) 8.10 The Top 10 Show 8.25 Rushmore (1998) 10.00 There Will Be Blood (2007) 12.40am The Walker (2007) 2.40 The Movie Geek

1.00pm In Old California (1942) 2.55 The Eve Of Saint Mark (1944) 4.50 Three Coins In The Fountain (1954) 6.50 Mighty Joe Young (1998) 9.00 Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World (2003) 11.35 Motorcycle Diaries (2004) 2.00am Dumplings (2004)

8.15am At The Circus (1939) 9.50 Offset: Michael Caine 10.20 Ice Station Zebra (1968) 1.05pm Promise Her Anything (1966) 3.00 Charro! (1969) 4.50 Anchors Aweigh (1945) 7.25 Abbott And Costello In Hollywood (1945) 9.00 Mad Dog And Glory (1993) 11.00 Stardust (1975) 1.10am It! (1967) 3.00 Stardust (1975)

4.00pm Just Good Friends 4.40 As Time Goes By 5.20 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 6.00 My Family 6.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.00 Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga 10.00 Blackadder Goes Forth 10.40 Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments 12.40am Only Fools And Horses

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Scrubs

Classics

Indie

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wednesday 6 Desperate Housewives Channel 4, 10pm Now that everyone has mourned the passing of Edie it seems to be business as usual on Wisteria Lane, as social faux pas abound. Lynette revels a bit too much of herself to Carlos, and Gabrielle has to explain away Tom’s shyness, meanwhile Katherine confesses to Mike and Susan confides in David. Same old.

The Wire BBC2, 11.20pm The most talked about Baltimore socio-crime series continues unabated, demonstrating at last on terrestrial television why everyone has been snapping up the box sets like they were your favourite Fringe tickets. Tonight, Omar makes new friends and Stringer Bell looks after D’Angelo’s family. A bit too much.

Gossip Girl ITV2, 9pm The best way to find out if Chuck has a soul is to leave him his Dad’s company and make him the new CEO of Bass Industries, right? It’s in high business that blocked teenagers get in touch with their sensitive sides, we all know. And just when he and Blair were starting to behave like human beings, too.

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Paradise Cafe 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series. The Home Office finally catch up with Kim, and Chlo’s pregnancy is unexpectedly cut short. 9.00 The Apprentice With only nine candidates remaining in the battle to become Sir Alan’s apprentice, he sends them to the North of England, where they must select two new innovative products to sell to trade. Determined that everyone should sell, Sir Alan gives each candidate their own individual order books with strict instructions to notch up as many orders as possible. No skiving! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Myleene Klass is live from Lottery HQ with the Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto draws. 10.45 The Street Drama series. Demolition man Charlie works away from home. At the end of a gruelling day, the crew get drunk but Charlie’s rommate has more in store. 11.45 FILM: People I Know (2002) Starring Al Pacino, Kim Basinger, Ryan O’Neal. Political drama 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime 2.25 Grow Your Own Drugs 2.55 Orangutan Diary 3.55 Real Rescues 4.40 BBC News

6.00 – 9.30am Children’s television 9.30 Boogie Beebies 9.45 Get Squiggling 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is: Food 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Conservative Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 Cruickshank On Kew: The Garden That Changed The World As the Royal Botanic Gardens prepare to celebrate their 250th anniversary, Dan Cruickshank unearths some of the surprising stories that shaped the famous gardens. 8.00 Coast Neil Oliver journeys around the coast of the UK. 9.00 Snow Documentary series about the weather looks at snow, that most fleeting and beautiful of elements which endlessly fascinates us. Using rare footage we journey into the microscopically small world of the snow crystal, finding out how a snowflake forms and why it is always six-sided. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to The Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Wire See highlights. 12.15am Mad Men Drama series which takes an unflinching look at the world of advertising in 1960s New York. Against the backdrop of the Cuban missile crisis, the staff at Sterling Cooper ponder the meaning of a company audit. 1.05 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Booze: A Young Person’s Guide 10.20 How TV Changed Britain 11.10 My Big Gay Prom 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 LIVE Test Cricket 2.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00am Test Cricket 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Boots ‘n’ All 3.30 Poker 5.00 Boots ‘n’ All

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy’s attempts at romance backfire spectacularly. He’s hardly Mr Luvver Luvver. 7.30 Coronation Street Has Ken chosen the right woman? He’s got far too a Romantic idea of himself, has that fellow. More gigolo than Romeo. 8.00 Midsomer Murders A glassware factory in Midsomer Magna faces ruin after the death of its co-owner Alan King. His widow, Hilary, angers her son by marrying Alan’s brother Charles, and rumours begin to circulate that Charles and accountant Peter Baxter have embezzled funds. When Peter is stabbed to death with a masonic dagger, DCI Barnaby is called. Uncanny that they’re putting on Hamlet too. Hmm. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Benidorm Janice tries to convince Madge not to agree to a wedding to a man they have only known for five minutes. 11.05 FILM: Thirteen (2003) Starring Holly Hunter, Evan Rachel Wood, Nicki Reed, Jeremy Sisto. Disturbing and poignant drama. 12.50am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency 1.45 Loose Women 2.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin tricks Warren into confessing that he killed Sean Kennedy, but Warren has one final revelation that shocks Calvin. He’s really a lady? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Embarrassing Bodies Christian and Pixie uncover the nation’s most awkward medical complaints. A woman in her thirties turns to the latest technology after having her life ruined by acne, and a student has a problem with excess hair. 9.00 Grand Designs Series following Britain’s most ambitious house-building projects. Kevin McCloud meets Julie and Mark Veysey, who are building a Miamistyle beach house on a plot overlooking the south Devon coast. Julie and Mark have had several holidays in Miami, and Julie wants to recreate the outdoor lifestyle back in England. With a budget of only 20 grand and BRITISH WEATHER! Fools. 10.00 Desperate Housewives See highlights. 11.05 Shameless Repeat of Tuesday’s episode. 12.10am 4 Music: Bestival 2008 1.10 The Millionaire And The Murder Mansion 2.05 3 Minute Wonder 2.10 FILM: The Spanish Gardener (1956) 3.55 Drifting 4.05 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 How Not To Decorate 12.30pm Animal Rescue Squad 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: Murder 101 (2006) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Aden and Nicole struggle with the aftermath of their night of passion. Knickers everywhere. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. 6.55 PEB: The Conservative Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights of the first Test between England and the West Indies at Lord’s. 8.00 Oil Riggers Documentary series following life on the oil rigs of west Texas. Gerald’s boys threaten to walk out on their tough-talking boss. Justin finds himself under more pressure as Derek fails to show for work. And the Viking rig moves to its second well. 9.00 Extraordinary People: The Man Who Shared His Liver Documentary following a radical procedure to save the life of a woman suffering from liver cancer. 10.00 FILM: Reservoir Dogs (1992) Starring Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Chris Penn. The grim, violent tale of a heist gone wrong. Six criminals – all with pseudonyms – are hired for a diamond robbery, but they are ambushed by police and forced to shoot their way out. 12.05am PartyPoker.com European Open V 1.40 NHRA Drag Racing 2.05 NHRA Drag Racing 3.30 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Speedway: Premier League 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 12.00pm Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Golf: PGA Euro Pro Tour: 2009 Season Preview 4.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Volvo Ocean Race 8.00 Golf: PGA Euro Pro Tour: 2009 Season Preview 10.00 Football Asia 10.30 Airsports World 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Airsports World 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 Adrenaline Adventures 2.30 360 Series 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Fina World Diving Series 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Golf: PGA Euro Pro Tour – 2009 Season Preview 2.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

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Living

2.00pm Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 FILM: Die Hard (1988) 12.35am Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 1.35 Fringe

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 FILM: Kate And Leopold (2001) 10.55 Family Guy (x2) 11.40 Bizarre ER 12.10am Snog Marry Avoid? 12.40 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 1.35 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.35 Bizarre ER 3.05 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 8.00 Victorian Farm 9.00 Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture 10.00 All Our Working Lives 11.00 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars 11.30 Flight Of The Conchords (x2) 12.25am Pop On Trial 1.55 Batman (x2) 2.45 Mad Men (x2)

12.30pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 Gossip Girl. See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004) 12.00am Coronation Street 12.30 Jack Osbourne

11.35am Surgical Spirit (x2) 12.40pm Home To Roost 1.10 Heartbeat 2.10 Ballykissangel 3.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.25 Home To Roost 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 FILM: LA Story (1991) 11.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.40am Quincy, ME

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Fantastic Four (2005) 11.00 The Inbetweeners 11.35 8 Out Of 10 Cats 12.10am Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team 10.00 City Of Vice (x2) 12.10am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI (x3) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Mystery Of The Lost Catacombs 10.00 Turin Shroud: The New Evidence 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: The Haunting Within (2003) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 TBA 9.50 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 11.40 FILM: UKM: The Ultimate Killing Machine (2006) 1.30am Ghost Stories

1.40pm The Purple Heart (1944) 3.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 5.05 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 6.50 Duel In The Sun (1946) 9.00 Detective Story (1951) 10.50 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969) 12.35am Louisiana Purchase (1941)

1.00pm The Movie Geek 1.30 The Commitments (1991) 3.30 Black Snake Moan (2006) 5.30 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 7.30 The Movie Geek 8.00 The Tango Lesson (1997) 10.00 The Commitments (1991) 12.00am Blood Simple (1984) 1.40 Hana-Bi (1997)

1.00pm The Harder They Fall (1956) 3.10 Wake Of The Red Witch (1949) 5.15 Girls! Girls! Girls! (1962) 7.20 The Brady Bunch Movie (1995) The happy sappy litter enjoy a bit of frolicing to try and save their house. 9.00 Alien Nation (1988) 10.50 Harsh Times (2005) 1.05am All The Pretty Horses (2000)

7.15am Ice Station Zebra (1968) 9.55 Quo Vadis? (1951) 1.05pm The Helicopter Spies (1968) 3.00 Crossing Delancey (1988) 4.55 An American In Paris (1951) 7.05 The Bramble Bush (1960) 9.00 Switchback (1997) 11.15 Caddyshack (1980) 1.10am Switchback (1997) 3.15 Fandango (1984)

4.00pm Just Good Friends 4.40 As Time Goes By 5.20 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 6.00 My Family 6.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.00 Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 10.40 The Vicar Of Dibley Top 40 12.40am The Vicar Of Dibley 1.20 Charlie’s Angels (x2)

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Sarah Silverman

Classics

Indie

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4/29/09

11:46 AM

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thursday 7 The Mentalist Five, 9pm Ah ha! The uncannily composed one who does all magical whizzes and bangs reading other people’s body language meets a spirtualist who claims to have intimate knowledge of a lady’s murder. He’s not happy with this at all, especially since he used to be a fake spiritualist. Composure gone much? About time too.

Extreme Male Beauty Channel 4, 10pm Anyone sitting out on the beach this summer will witness the lengths taken in the pursuit of the male body beautiful. Journalist Tim Shaw takes a closer look in this four-part series, kicking off with an eight week programme to turn him from zero to hero. Chatting to those after the ‘perfect body’, it’s a tad alarming.

Beyond A Joke ITV3, 11.10pm They say that society can be seen reflected in its jokes. So presumes this series, looking at how comedy in the 70s and 80s represented the economic, social and political elements of society. Including clips from Rising Damp, The New Stateman, To The Manor Born and Duty Free, it’s a snapshot of the late 20th century.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 4.35 Horrible Histories 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Dot comes to the rescue at Amy’s christening, and it is decision time for Jack and Ronnie. Dot for BAFTA next year! She’s always saving the day. 8.00 My Family Sitcom about a dentist and his family. Ben’s old friendship with a celebrity dentist causes problems, while Susan finds a new friendship at an Albanian airport. 8.30 DIY SOS Home renovation programme. Nick Knowles and the builders tackle a wreck of a house in Caersws, Wales. 9.00 Crimewatch On The Streets The team behind Crimewatch present a unique fly-on-the-wall insight into major criminal investigations by the nation’s police. They join the battle to stop illegal immigrants smuggling themselves into the country, and travel halfway round the world with British officers trying to stop suspected paedophiles preying on the street children of Thailand. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Question Time is in Dunfermline. 11.35 This Week 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Watchdog 1.25 Countryfile 2.20 Real Rescues 3.05 BBC News

6.00 – 10.30am Children’s television 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Maths Channel – Year 5 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Just So Darwin 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is: Food 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By UKIP 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 The Apprentice Reality series. Repeat of Wednesday’s show. 8.00 Professor Regan’s... Professor Regan investigates the world of beauty, where a scientific sales pitch can make you millions. 9.00 Keep It In The Family Gary Doneghue has dedicated his life to the auction house he inherited from his father and grandfather, but with no one to take over the business when he retires it faces an uncertain future. He has persuaded his son Jamie, a music video director, to give the family firm one last go. Unfortunately he’s spent his entire life avoiding antiques. D’oh! 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Graham is joined by Dragons’ Den star Duncan Bannatyne and the acid-tongued American queen of comedy Joan Rivers. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Gavin Esler. 11.20 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to The Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 12.00am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 How TV Changed Britain 10.20 How TV Changed Britain 11.10 My Big Gay Prom 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Boots ‘n’ All 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 2.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Football League: League One 10.00 Test Cricket 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 Football League: League One 2.00 Test Cricket 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 Football League: League One

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The UK Independence Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale With the shop up for auction, it’s the end of an era. 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney explores Britain’s countryside. 8.00 The Bill: Forensic Evidence Leon and Roger attend a call-out where they find a boy and his wounded father, Albie. When Stuart and Mickey trace Tommy’s mother, they find that her friend fits the description of the alleged attacker. 9.00 Taggart When a law professor is accidentally stabbed to death in front of 30 trainee police officers during a training exercise it appears at first to be just a tragic accident. But when the team discover that the knife was tampered with, it soon turns into a murder enquiry. You’ve Been Framed will be disappointed. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Eight Legged Freaks (2002) Starring David Arquette, Kari Wuhrer. Sci-fi action comedy in a 1950s B-movie vein. A chemical spill creates massive man-eating spiders which launch a vicious attack on the population of a small mining town. 12.25am Motorsport UK 1.15 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency 2.05 Crossing Jordan 2.55 Loose Women 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Hannah and Justin are both too scared to make the first move. Darren thinks hiring a portaloo for the village is a sure-fire way of making money. Less romance, more finance. Bizarre finance, though. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home Kirstie Allsopp turns her attention to the property’s five bedrooms, and gets back to basics with three highlyskilled craftspeople, learning how to make yarn, re-upholster a chair and design a patchwork quilt. 9.00 Madeleine Was Here Two years since the disappearance of Madeleine McCann from the Algarve resort, this follows her parents Kate and Gerry in their continued attempt to piece together what happened on the day of her disappearance, while maintaining a normal life for their two other children. 10.00 Extreme Male Beauty See highlights. 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon has a bash at J Willy’s Bar and Grille in Indiana. 12.05am When Women Rule The World 1.05 Dubplate 1.35 Born To Be Different: Turning Nine 2.30 My Other Wheelchair Is A Porsche 2.45 Unreported World 3.10 Husk 3.20 Hill Street Blues 4.05 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 Hoobs

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s – How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Mary Higgins Clark’s Remember Me (1995) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Belle opens up in rehab, thanks to Liam. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents the best of the action from day two of England versus the West Indies at Lord’s. 8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 Melissa Porter, Russell Harris and Michael Holmes search for Britain’s best home. Melissa stays in a New England-style house in Suffolk, Russell visits a suburban family home in Kent and Michael checks out a converted milk depot in Peckham, South London. Does no one want homes built as homes? 9.00 The Mentalist See highlights. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series that looks inside the minds of criminals. Goren and Eames investigate an abusive patriarch who caused the death of his wife and three sons. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series about an elite force that investigates sexually orientated crimes. A six-year-old girl, fatally injured in the course of an attempted robbery, tests positive for a sexually transmitted disease. Suspicion falls upon the family. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 European Tour Weekly 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Total Rugby 1.30 Boots ‘n’ All 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Total Rugby 3.30 Live European Tour Golf 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Adrenaline Adventures 6.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.00 LIVE: Live Darts: Premier League 10.30 The Rugby Club 12.00am NFL: Total Access 1.00 Premier League Darts 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Experience 8.00 European Tour Weekly 8.30 Fina World Diving Series 9.30 Trans World Sport 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 European Tour Golf 3.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.30 Boots ‘n’ All 4.30 WWE Vintage Collection 5.30 The Rugby Club 7.00 LIVE Table Tennis 10.30 WWE Late Night Raw 12.30am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.30 Rugby League: National League 3.30 Golf Night 5.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

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Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones (x2) 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 My Life As An Animal: Penguins And Seals 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.00 Two Pints: The Love Triangle 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am My Life As An Animal: Penguins And Seals

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 9.00 Youth Hostelling: The First 100 Years 10.00 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 10.30 Blues On Later... with Jools Holland 11.30 Flight Of The Conchords (x2) 12.25am Youth Hostelling: The First 100 Years

12.30pm Emmerdale 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter Stateside 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am American Idol

12.35pm Heartbeat 1.35 Ballykissangel 2.35 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.50 Monarch Of The Glen 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Footprints In The Snow 11.10 Beyond A Joke. See highlights. 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.05 Quincy, ME

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.35 Beehive 11.05 Reno 911 (x2) 12.00am Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER (x2) 11.00 Brothers And Sisters 12.00am Without A Trace 1.00 ER (x2)

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Pop Goes The Band 9.00 CSI 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 American Loggers 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Star Trek 3.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 TBA 12.00am FILM: Ogre (2008) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Star Trek (x2) 5.00 Quantum Leap

12.30pm Lover Come Back (1961) 2.20 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 4.50 The Movie Geek 5.20 Two For The Road (1967) 7.20 Night And The City (1950) 9.00 In The Heat Of The Night (1967) 10.55 The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) 1.20am Night And The City (1950)

11.05am The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 1.10pm The Escapist (2001) 2.45 Ten Canoes (2006) 4.25 Mumford (1999) 6.20 The Last King Of Scotland (2006) 8.25 The Escapist (2001) 10.00 Body Shots (1999) 11.50 Mumford (1999) 1.45am Requiem For A Dream (2000)

1.00pm Carmen Jones (1954) 3.05 Carry On Dick (1974) 4.50 The Bostonians (1984) 7.10 Clueless (1995) 9.00 The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) 11.05 Brick Lane (2007) 1.10am Prick Up Your Ears (1987) Biopic of the playwrite Joe Orton starring Gary Oldman and Alfred Molina.

8.55am Drum Beat (1954) 11.00 The Jazz Singer (1953) 1.05pm Adam’s Rib (1949) 3.00 Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 5.05 The Asphalt Jungle (1950) 7.10 Jailhouse Rock (1957) 9.00 Money Talks (1997) 11.00 The Butcher’s Wife (1991) 1.10am Money Talks (1997) 3.05 So Fine (1981) 5.00 Drum Beat (1954)

4.00pm Just Good Friends 4.40 As Time Goes By 5.20 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 6.00 My Family 6.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.00 The Vicar Of Dibley Top 40 10.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 10.40 Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga 12.40am After You’ve Gone 1.15 Charlie’s Angels (x2) Ÿ

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friday 8 Unreported World Channel 4, 7.35pm One of the greatest horrors is the repeating of past attrocities. In Papua New Guinea more than fifty women accused of being witches were murdered last year in two provinces alone. This programme highlights how the problem of witch murders is growing and now moving from the rural areas into the towns.

Boy Meets Girl ITV1, 9pm The body-swap comedy continues, with Danny finding life inside Veronica’s body hardgoing. His own friends are getting suspicious about how much he knows about ‘Danny’ and Veronica’s boyfriend is keen for some lovin’. However, poor Veronica is homeless in Danny’s body and even more unhappy.

Britain’s Got Talent ITV2, 7pm More auditions and more chances for someone new to be adopted by Oprah, Demi and Ashton as an earlier Les Mis singing auditionee is rumoured to have been. With £100,000 up for grabs all semblance of pride has been thrown asunder by some as they try and entertain Amanda Holden, Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell.

terrestrial

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Arthur 3.40 Arthur 3.55 Frankenstein’s Cat 4.05 Animals At Work 4.35 Trapped 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders Peggy returns to find a Mitchell family in disarray, and Nasty Nick’s being nasty. It feels like the 90s all over again. 8.30 Total Wipeout Fast Forward Another chance to follow the trials and tribulations of the biggest obstacle course in the world. 9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Jack Dee and guest panellists including Clare Balding. 9.30 Reggie Perrin Reggie enjoys teaching at Nicola’s school, and he invites the class to spend a day at Groomtech, with disastrous consequences. Of course. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross This week’s guests are Tom Hanks, Coleen Nolan, Carol McGiffin, Jane McDonald and Dizzee Rascal. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: High Fidelity (2000) Starring Joan Cusack, Iben Hjejle, Jack Black. Romantic comedy drama. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Yellowstone 2.30 Orangutan Diary 3.30 Real Rescues 4.15 News

6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is: Food 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Liberal Democrats 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 The Good Life Classic comedy series. When Margo and Jerry take out their thirteenth annuity, Tom stops to consider a pension of parsnips for Barbara. Yum! 7.30 Mastermind The subjects are Fritz Lang, Billie Jean King, Private Eye magazine and the life of Robert Maxwell. Controversial. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. 9.00 English Heritage Today, Kenilworth Castle is a picturesque ruin. Once, it was home to Lord Robert Dudley, Elizabeth I’s favourite. English Heritage director Anna Keay sets out to recreate Dudley’s garden, with only a letter written by a lowly courtier to guide her. 10.00 Britain’s Best Drives Actor Richard Wilson takes a journey into the past, following routes raved about in motoring guides of 50 years ago. Bridges aren’t what they used to be. Nor Morris Minors. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Later With Jools Holland Music show. Extended repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.40am Medium 1.20 The Wire (x3)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.30 We Are Together 11.00 Dream Commissions 11.10 Crip On A Trip 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Play! 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s – How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Rosamunde Pilcher’s Summer (2008) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Jai and Trey slug it out and start a fire at the caravan park. That’s constructive. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series. 6.55 PEB: The Liberal Democrat Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights from day three of England versus the West Indies at Lord’s. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The death of a special agent in LA leads NCIS Director Jenny Shepard on a dangerous sub-rosa mission to finish some classified business she began a decade ago in Europe. Untidy lady. 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama series about a maths genius. A psychiatrist questions the conviction of a death row inmate at the 11th hour. Can the agents find the real murderer before an innocent man is executed? Cue Countdown music. 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series following the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. The team tracks a cult that may be responsible for multiple murders of students. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football League: League One 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 2.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 TBA 12.00am Test Cricket 2.00 TBA 4.00 Football League: League Two 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Liberal Democrats 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola is stunned to find out she is pregnant. Maybe being a parnet will soften her. Hmm. 7.30 Coronation Street How will Deirdre react when she finds out about Ken’s affair? How did she react last time? Déjà vu soap tonight. 8.00 Credit Secrets Revealed: Tonight Martin Lewis looks at the world of the credit rating system. In the present financial climate, even those with good credit history are having trouble borrowing. He reveals the secrets of how we can all improve our chances of getting the best deals. 8.30 Coronation Street Who will Blanche turn to after Deirdre throws her out? Isn’t Emily about to have some space? Bye, bye, Norris. 9.00 Boy Meets Girl See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Pushing Daisies Quirky US comedy-drama. Ned, Emerson and Chuck inspect the body of a car safety expert who has been killed in a car accident. Dark irony. 11.35 FILM: Leaving Las Vegas (1995) Starring Nicolas Cage, Elisabeth Shue. Compelling drama. 1.25am FILM: The Wiz (1978) 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks McFly perform live in the SU bar. The Somethings are supporting them, giving Hayley and Josh their big chance. Cue soap tie-in music release. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World See highlights. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Florida-based couple Trina and Pete Simmons decide whether to return to a period house in their home of Bedfordshire, or buy an investment property on Portugal’s Silver Coast. What’s wrong with staying in Florida? 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon Ramsay’s restaurant revamp series revisits a number of eateries that were once on the verge of disaster to see if they have kept to his advice and turned their reputations around. 10.45 FILM: The Man (2005) Starring Samuel L Jackson, Eugene Levy, Luke Goss and Miguel Ferrer. Comedy thriller. After his partner is killed, a tough undercover agent reluctantly teams up with a dental supplies salesman who has been mistaken for an arms dealer. 12.25am 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 1.00 JD Set Presents VV Brown 1.15 4Play 1.30 No Angels 2.30 What About Brian 3.15 Hill Street Blues 4.00 Time Team 4.55 Countdown 5.40Close 5.55Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 The Rugby Club 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.30pm Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Football League 2.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 NFL: Total Access 6.30 Off The Bar 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Volvo Ocean Race 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Off The Bar 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 12.30 Football League 2.00 Off The Bar 2.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.00 Test Cricket 5.00 Off The Bar 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

Sky Sports 3 6.00am WWE Raw 8.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Table Tennis 1.30pm Premier League Darts 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Volvo Ocean Race 3.30 Super 14 Rugby 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 FILM: Die Hard (1988) 12.35am Prison Break 1.35 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear: Botswana Special 8.00 Freaky Eaters 9.00 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.30 Family Guy 12.15am Bizarre ER 12.45 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Manon Starring Tamara Rojo And Carlos Acosta 9.30 Peter Green: Man Of The World 11.00 Mad Men 11.45 Flight Of The Conchords (x2) 12.40am The New Avengers 1.35 Peter Green: Man Of The World 3.05 Eric Clapton And Steve Winwood Live At Madison Square Garden 5.30 Close

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Britain’s Got Talent. See highlights. 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 9.00 American Idol 10.00 Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter Stateside 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am The Justin Lee Collins Show

12.30pm Home To Roost 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 Ballykissangel 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.20 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 FILM: Death Becomes Her (1992) 11.00 FILM: LA Story (1991) 12.55am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.45 Surgical Spirit (x2)

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends(x2) 8.55 Gok’s Fashion Fix 10.00 Wife Swap 11.05 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong 11.55 Scrubs (x2) 12.50am My Name Is Earl

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: We Were Soldiers (2002) 11.40 Eddie Izzard – Circle 1.15am Grand Designs

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x4) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI Miami 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Mythbusters 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 SAS: Special Forces Heroes 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 FILM: Nature Unleashed: Earthquake (2004) 3.00 TBA 4.50 Joe 90 (x2) 5.55 Stingray (x2) 6.55 Thunderbirds 8.00 TBA 10.00 FILM: The People Under The Stairs (1991) 12.00am FILM: The Messengers (2007) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun

10.25am Road To Zanzibar (1941) 12.00pm Fixed Bayonets (1951) 1.40 Too Late The Hero (1970) 4.00 Holiday Inn (1942) 5.45 The Out-of-Towners (1970) 7.25 Fixed Bayonets (1951) 9.00 Hellfighters (1969) 11.05 Too Late The Hero (1970) 1.25am Steptoe And Son (1972)

9.00am Waitress (2007) 11.00 Rushmore (1998) 12.40pm Juno (2007) 2.20 The Last Mogul: Life And Times Of Lew Wasserman (2005) 4.10 The Singer (2006) 6.10 Goodbye Bafana (2007) 8.10 Waitress (2007) 10.00 Juno (2007) 11.40 Fargo (1996) 1.25am Rushmore (1998)

1.00pm The Card (1952) 2.55 From Hell To Texas (1958) 4.55 The Lost World (1960) 7.05 Picture Perfect (1997) Jennifer Aniston stars in this comedy making up a fab boyfriend to further her career. 9.00 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) 11.35 Rush Hour 2 (2001) 1.20am Swimming Pool (2002)

9.00am Auntie Mame (1958) 11.35 Fort Vengeance (1953) 1.05pm The Great Bank Robbery (1969) 3.00 Crooks And Coronets (1969) 5.00 Arsenic And Old Lace (1944) 7.15 Ride The High Country (1962) 9.00 Pretty In Pink (1986) 11.00 Superfly (1972) 12.45am Pretty In Pink (1986) 2.40 Going Home (1971)

4.00pm Ever Decreasing Circles 4.40 As Time Goes By 5.20 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 6.00 My Family 6.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.00 Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga 10.00 Jonathan Creek 11.10 After You’ve Gone 11.50 The Thin Blue Line 12.30am Bread

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal 12.45am The Sarah Silverman Programme

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saturday 9 ITV’s Best Ever Ads ITV, 9.15pm Phillip Schofield looks back at 50 years of classic ads with a countdown of the 20 greatest commercials ever seen on ITV from the Smash Martians to the Milky Bar Kid, the Guinness Surfers to the Gold Blend campaign. Actors Anthony Head and Sharon Maughan make an appearance.

Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra BBC 2, 9.40pm Bill Bailey joins forces with Anne Dudley and the BBC Concert Orchestra for an evening of his music and comedy. Using both contemporary and classical music, Bill Bailey explains how the orchestra works and the influences of classical composers.

Mark Lawson Talks To Ian Hislop BBC4, 9.40pm Private Eye editor Ian Hislop discusses his role as a satirist He talks about how boarding school became a second home after the premature death of his father. Christianity has been a consistent factor in his life, and he describes how he regularly flirts with doubt.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Football Focus 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: The Spanish Grand Prix 2.15 Rugby League: Challenge Cup 4.30 Final Score 5.10 The Weakest Link 5.55 BBC News

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.15 Eliot Kid 7.25 Dinosapien 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.12 The Owl 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 9.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 10.00 Dani’s House 10.30 Dani’s House 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Winging It 12.30 Sound 1.00 Racing: Ascot And Haydock 2.40 The Sky At Night 3.00 FILM: She Wore A Yellow Ribbon (1949) 4.40 FILM: Zulu Dawn (1979) 6.30 Planet Earth As the sea freezes, Antarctica doubles in size and all animals except for the emperor penguin flee. In the Arctic, the polar bear’s ice world literally melts beneath its feet, forcing it to swim vast distances and take on one of the deadliest adversaries on the planet – Man. Dave explains with the usual knowing eloquence. 7.30 Dad’s Army The lads prepare to welcome American soldiers. Not as much as their wives. 8.00 The Birth Of British Music Conductor Charles Hazlewood explores music of great composers. 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Jack Dee and guest panellists Clare Balding and Fred MacAulay. 9.40 Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide To The Orchestra See highlights. 10.40 FILM: The Night Listener (2006) Starring Robin Williams. Adaptation of Armstead Maupin’s book. An ageing author develops a phone relationship with an extraordinary dying boy he is never allowed to meet, or does he? Toni Collette creeps it up well as the over concerned or wacked out mum. 12.00am FILM: The Big White (2005) Starring Robin Williams. 1.35 Mad Men 2.25 FILM: Committed (2000) 3.55 Inside F1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.25 Quincy, ME 11.25 FILM: Columbo: Make Me A Perfect Murder (1978) 1.15pm ITV News And Weather 1.20 FILM: Carry On Cowboy (1965) 3.05 FILM: Every Which Way But Loose (1978) 5.15 Meridian News And Weather 5.30 ITV News And Weather 5.45 You’ve Been Framed!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 One Tree Hill 9.50 Friends 10.20 Friends 10.50 Alexa’s Top 20 Headline Grabbers 11.50 The Enemy: Video Exclusive 11.55 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.15 All Star Mr & Mrs Today Corrie star Alan Halsall and Wild at Heart actress Lucy-Jo Hudson, Ulrika Jonsson and husband Brian, and Status Quo’s Rick Parfitt and wife Lyndsay take up the challenge. Worht watching for a nose at the spouses. 7.15 Primeval An anomaly opens in the middle of a car breaker’s yard, and a Cretaceous-era dinosaur comes through - followed by a medieval knight on horseback who thinks he is chasing a dragon. And? 8.15 Britain’s Got Talent More tabloid fodder. But, hell, doncha love of bit of Miss Boyle? do you think she’s the secret love child of Mrs Boyle from Father Ted? 9.15 ITV’s Best Ever Ads See highlights. 10.15 ITV News And Weather 10.30 FILM: Red Dragon (2002) Starring Anthony Hopkins, Edward Norton, Ralph Fiennes, Harvey Keitel, Emily Watson, Mary-Louise Parker and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Thriller adapted from Thomas Harris’s first Hannibal Lecter novel about an FBI profiler called out of retirement to help catch a serial killer nicknamed the Tooth Fairy. He’s not a nice man. Oh no, he isn’t good for babysitting. 12.50am Six Degrees 1.35 FILM: Real Women Have Curves (2002) 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me The final dinner party in Gloucester is hosted by Kat McLeod, with a menu comprising of fish pie and homemade trifle, along with a cabaret performance from her performing pet dog. Oh please let the doggie eat the dinner! Please!! 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 FILM: Endgame (2009) See film highlights. 9.00 Bring Back Star Trek Justin Lee Collins attempts to track down and reunite the biggest names from the original Star Trek series. 10.35 FILM: Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) Starring Patrick Stewart, LeVar Buron, Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn and Marina Sirtis. Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the crew of the USS Enterprise take on a diplomatic mission to initiate peace with the Romulans. When Romulus undergoes a political upheaval, the new leader Shinzon expresses a desire to forge a peace treaty with the Federation as Picard and his colleagues are sent to determine his sincerity. When they arrive, however, they discover that he is a human replica of the Enterprise captain. 12.45am FILM: Being John Malkovich (1999) Starring John Cusack. 2.45 Dogs Mercury 3.10 Empires Of Stone 4.10 Time Team 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It Arts and crafts 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.10 Franklin 7.40 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Olivia 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Animal Families 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Zoo Days 10.30 The Gadget Show 11.30 Oil Riggers 12.30pm FILM: Brave Warrior (1952) 2.00 FILM: The Violent Men (1955) 3.45 FILM: 3 Ninjas: High Noon At Mega Mountain (1998) 5.25 FILM: The Mighty Ducks (1992) 7.10 Five News 7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents highlights from day four of England versus the West Indies. 8.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The team is called in when a marine helicopter is discovered in the middle of a crop circle, the pilots having gone missing. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The body of a woman in a navy uniform is found by two sailors. 10.00 CSI: NY The wife of a former CSI is found dead in a motel room. The case takes a gruesome turn when the team discovers heroin found on the corpse has been extracted from human bodies. Elsewhere, Stella continues to investigate the theft of some ancient Greek coins, against Mac‘s advice. 11.00 Law And Order An SUV hurtles into a downtown restaurant, killing its driver and injuring the sole passenger and several bystanders. The detectives must piece together the events of the morning to find out what caused the fatal accident. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Animal Rescue Squad 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.15 The Milkshake! 5.40 Thomas & Friends 5.50 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Off The Bar 6.30 Football League: Championship 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Football League 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.05 South East Today 6.15 Robin Hood A heat wave hits Nottinghamshire and, when Prince John blocks all the local wells, the outlaws are forced to take desperate measures to save those at risk. Prince John discovers Robin and Isabella’s secret relationship, and orders Gisborne to dispose of them, telling him that if he completes the task he will be made the new Sheriff. 7.00 Tonight’s The Night John Barrowman grants more of the nation’s performing wishes. Awww. 8.00 The National Lottery: 1 Vs 100 Big money quiz and those numbers. 8.50 BBC News 9.10 Casualty Curtis and Alice prepare to get away, but their plans are thwarted when Alice’s kindness puts her life in danger. 10.00 Reggie Perrin Reggie enjoys teaching at Nicola’s school in his search to find a new focus in his life. 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the day’s Premier League fixtures. 11.50 FILM: Paycheck (2003) Sci-fi thriller. An engineer who agreed to have his memory erased discovers that he refused the massive paycheck offered to him in return for his work, keeping instead a small bag of worthless items. 1.40am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.40 Weatherview 2.45 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Test Cricket 8.30 LIVE Super 14 Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 6.55 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am LIVE NASCAR 4.30 Max Power 5.30 360 Series

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 TBA 9.00 WWE Smackdown 11.00 WWE The Bottom Line 12.00pm Gillette World Sport 12.30 TBA 2.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am Football League 1.30 Spanish Football 4.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.30 Gillette World Sport 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 It’s Me Or The Dog USA (x2) 4.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 5.00 Oops TV (x2) 6.00 American Gladiators 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Bones (x2) 12.00am Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 1.00 24

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Kasabian At Radio 1’s Big Weekend 9.30 Little Britain 10.00 FILM: Severance (2006) 11.30 Live At The Apollo 12.15am Family Guy 12.40 American Dad! 1.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 2.00 Bizarre ER 2.30 Doves And The Script At Big Weekend

7.00pm Ford’s Dagenham Dream 8.00 Britain’s Best Drives 8.30 Caravans 9.30 The Car’s The Star 9.40 Mark Lawson Talks To Ian Hislop 10.40 Penelope Keith And The Fast Lady 11.40 The History Of The Future: Cars 12.10am The Car Show 1.10 The Joy Of Motoring 2.10 Mark Lawson Talks To Ian Hislop

1.40pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 2.10 Britain’s Got More Talent 3.05 Gossip Girl 4.05 American Idol (x2) 6.05 FILM: Junior (1994) 8.15 Animals Do The Funniest Things 9.15 Britain’s Got More Talent 10.15 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.15 Britain’s Got Talent 12.15am Britain’s Got More Talent

10.30am The Grand 11.40 PD James: Devices And Desires 12.45pm My Uncle Silas 1.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.55 Hornblower 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Wycliffe 6.55 A Touch Of Frost 9.00 Taggart 10.30 Cracker 11.35 Inspector Morse 1.35am Missing Persons 2.25 Upstairs, Downstairs

10.00am The Simple Life (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.45pm Roswell 1.35 Roswell 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The World’s Greatest Comedy Characters 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 12.55 Dark Angel

9.00am A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 10.00 Time Team (x4) 2.15pm FILM: The Vikings (1958) 4.30 3 Minute Wonder (x3) 4.45 Grand Designs (x5) 10.00 FILM: We Were Soldiers (2002) 12.40am The West Wing 1.40 Grand Designs (x2) 3.45 Close

8.00am Bewitched (x2) 9.00 My Wife And Kids (x2) 10.00 The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Ghost Whisperer (x8) 9.00 FILM: The Lost Boys (1987) 11.00 Eleventh Hour 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Boston Legal 3.00 Missing

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Tony Robinson’s Romans (x3) 4.00 Forensic Detectives 5.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 6.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 7.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8.00 Whale Wars 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Hard Time: Indiana 11.00 Fred And Rose: The West Murders 12.00am Crime Scene USA

6.00am FILM: The Haunting Within (2003) 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Firefly (x7) 6.00pm FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 8.00 Medium (x2) 10.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 11.50 FILM: Post Impact (2004) 1.40am FILM: The Ferryman (2007) 3.45 Stingray 4.15 Stingray 4.50 Thunderbirds

1.45pm The Beautiful Blonde From Bashful Bend (1949) 3.05 Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 4.40 Father Goose (1964) 6.40 Romeo And Juliet (1968) 9.00 The Oblong Box (1969) 10.40 The Beautiful Blonde From Bashful Bend (1949) 12.00am Romeo And Juliet (1968)

9.00am The Good German (2005) 11.00 Into The Wild (2007) 1.30pm Rescue Dawn (2006) 3.40 Factory Girl (2006) 5.25 The Top 10 Show 5.40 The General (1998) 7.50 Rescue Dawn (2006) 10.00 Into The Wild (2007) 12.30am Do The Right Thing (1989) 2.40 The Movie Geek

1.00pm Home Alone 3 (1997) 2.55 The Cat Returns (2002) 4.30 Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) 6.25 Oliver Twist (2005) 9.00 Rush Hour 2 (2001) 10.45 The Hills Have Eyes (2006) 12.50am Dumplings (2004) 2.50 Close

10.20am Mutiny On The Bounty (1935) 1.00pm To Have And Have Not (1944) 3.00 The Five Pennies (1959) 5.20 Key Largo (1948) 7.15 What’s Up Doc? (1972) 9.00 Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (1997) 12.05am Showdown In Little Tokyo (1991) 1.35 Scarecrow (1973) 3.25 The Marseilles Contract (1974)

1.55pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x3) 3.55 Steptoe And Son 4.35 Blackadder II 5.15 Steptoe And Son 5.55 One Foot In The Grave 6.35 Blackadder Goes Forth 7.15 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.10 The Thin Blue Line 10.50 Only Fools And Horses 12.35am Bread 1.10 Charlie’s Angels (x2)

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Lee Evans At Her Majesty’s Theatre 11.15 FILM: The Wedding Singer (1998) 1.05am Comedy Store (x2)

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11:14 AM

Page 1

sunday 10 James May: My Sister‘s Top Toys BBC2, 7.30pm Poor James May. Stuck between his older and younger sisters, Jane and Sarah, his only toys were their hand-me-downs. Sifting through the family toy box prompts James to share his tale of woe. Jane and Sarah do get their say: but not before James blows up the tree house family.

Martin Clunes: Islands Of Britain ITV, 9pm Martin Clunes continues his epic journey through hidden Britain, exploring some of the 1000 or so islands around the coast of the UK. Today, he heads west for the islands off of the coasts of England, Scotland and Northern Ireland. He attends the coronation of an island king.

Supernatural ITV2, 9pm Ooh – spooky. It’s a ‘what if’ episode and the brothers aren’t brothers. In fact, they’ve never even met. Well, they never looked that alike in the first place. But pedantics aside. When a string of suicides suggest that their joint workplace is haunted the boys end up joining forces to fight the threat. Bless their cotton socks.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm Formula 1: The Spanish Grand Prix 3.15 EastEnders 5.10 My Family 5.40 Points Of View 5.55 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.25 Dinosapien 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 8.57 The Owl 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Badminton Horse Trials 3.00 Rugby League Challenge Cup 5.35 Flog It!

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.40 FILM: On The Buses (1971) 1.25pm ITV News And Weather 1.30 FILM: Fletch Lives (1989) 3.15 Britain’s Got Talent 4.15 FILM: Catwoman (2004)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Vendee Globe 7.30 Vendee Globe 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 8.55 Friends 9.35 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.15pm Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands Finale 2.00 Friends 2.35 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.40 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Supernanny US

6.00am Kid’s TV 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Build A New Life In The Country – Was It Worth It? 12.00pm Rough Guide To Tropical Islands 12.30 Angels & Demons Movie Special 1.00 FILM: King Solomon’s Mines (1950) 2.55 FILM: The Body (2000) 5.00 FILM: City Slickers II: The Legend Of Curly’s Gold (1994) Starring Billy Crystal.

6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 6.25 LIVE Football League: League Two 9.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.00 Ford Super Sunday 11.30 Football League: League Two 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 Ford Football Special 4.30 Football League: League Two

6.30 Last Of The Summer Wine Hobbo, former milkman and undercover agent at Primrose Dairies, is ready for any dangerous situation – and going round telling everyone that Nelly is his mother is one. 7.00 BBC News 7.15 South East Today 7.30 Countryfile Matt Baker and Julia Bradbury head to the Tamar Valley to join the walkers being allowed to cross Isambard Kingdom Brunel’s Royal Albert Bridge for only the second time in its history. 8.30 Inspector George Gently Crime drama. Gently and Bacchus investigate the murder of a young woman whose body is found in a local church. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Damages Patty takes extreme action to win the case against UNR. as Ellen’s vengeful plans come to fruition with shocking results. 11.20 FILM: Big Trouble (2002) Starring Tim Allen, Rene Russo, Stanley Tucci, Tom Sizemore, Johnny Knoxville and Dennis Farina. Comedy about a motley bunch of characters who get caught up in an assassination attempt and a hostage drama involving a nuclear weapon. 12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: DIY SOS 1.10 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.10 Sign Zone: All The Small Things 3.10 BBC News BBC One

6.05 FILM: Carry On At Your Convenience (1971) Starring Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey, Joan Sims, Hattie Jacques and Bernard Bresslaw. Classic British comedy with the Carry On team as a shop steward finds himself at loggerheads with the management at a lavatory factory. Much to his chagrin, his daughter is dating the boss’ son, but his mood improves when he discovers that his hitherto mute budgie has a very special, and potentially lucrative, talent. 7.30 James May: My Sister’s Top Toys See highlights. 8.30 South Pacific The South Pacific islands are the most remote in the world. Their isolation has created some of the most curious, surprising and precarious examples of life found anywhere on Earth. 9.30 Incredible Human Journey The story of human evolution. 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Highlights of today’s matches. 11.30 The Graham Norton Show Uncut Graham is joined by Dragons’ Den star Duncan Bannatyne and the acid-tongued American queen of comedy Joan Rivers. 12.15am FILM: The Hotel New Hampshire (1984) 2.00 BBC News BBC TWO

6.15 Meridian News And Weather 6.30 ITV News And Weather 6.45 Beat The Star Vernon Kay hosts the gripping gameshow in which a member of the public goes up against a competitive celebrity in a bid to win £50,000. Today an exarmy officer squares up to Olympic gold-winning boxer James DeGale in more backbreaking games designed to push them to the edge. Who will triumph in this epic battle of wills? 8.00 Heartbeat A cat burglar is on the prowl targeting the wealthiest homes in the district. Carol catches the eye of a dashing visitor while Peggy plays matchmaker for David. Bernie worries when Rosie fails to return from Australia. 9.00 Martin Clunes: Islands Of Britain See highlights. 10.00 ITV News And Weather 10.15 Out Of Nigeria: The South Bank Show First of a two-part special focusing on two major writers to have emerged from Nigeria. 11.15 Crossing Jordan Crime drama series about a Boston medical examiner. Dr Macy encourages Jordan to see a psychiatrist when she starts to behave oddly. 12.15am It’s My Life 1.15 Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.05 Quincy, ME 2.55 Credit Secrets Revealed: Tonight 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 The Big Art Project Bold arts series in which original works – commissioned by the general public – are brought to life around the UK. The first programme introduces the people and places involved in the country-wide scheme, and their attempts to balance the practicalities of funding, planning permission and political support with the creative demands of renowned artists. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Four strangers from Luton – a salon owner, a lady of leisure, a self-styled Lothario and a horse enthusiast – battle it out to land the cash prize. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Wealthy Roisin Isaacs, who made her fortune in the health care industry, heads to the Scottish city of Dundee and is soon faced with the shocking reality of inner-city poverty. 10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night A weekly topical entertainment show. 10.50 FILM: Jason X (2001) Sci-fi slasher in which a group of hapless students unwittingly re-animate the infamous knife-wielding serial killer Jason Voorhees who has been imprisoned in a cryogenic stasis chamber. The tenth instalment in the Friday The 13th franchise. 12.35am FILM: Jodhaa Akbar (2008) 4.25 The Playful Muse 4.50 In Your Dreams 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

7.05 Five News 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights from day five of England versus the West Indies at Lord’s. 8.00 FILM: The Da Vinci Code (2006) Starring Tom Hanks, Audrey Tautou, Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, Jean Reno, Jürgen Prochnow. An American researcher and a French cryptologist unravel clues hidden in works of art and mythical locations to reveal one of Christianity’s darkest secrets. At the same time, they must avoid the police and escape the clutches of the secretive upper echelons of the Church. 10.50 The Man Behind The Da Vinci Code: Revealed Documentary. Over 20 years before Dan Brown’s bestseller, The Da Vinci Code, writer Henry Lincoln shocked the world by raising the possibility that Christ had fathered a child. This film follows Lincoln as he explains the origins of his theory. From France to the Baltic Sea, he reveals the results of his ongoing research and draws startling new conclusions. 11.55 Angels & Demons Movie Special A look behind the scenes at the making of Angels & Demons. 12.25am A1 Grand Prix 1.25 Ironman Triathlon 2.35 Boxing Classic 3.15 Boxing USA 4.15 Race And Rally UK 4.35 Motorsport Mundial 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.40 Thomas & Friends 5.50 Roary

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Test Cricket 8.30 Premiership Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 5.55 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Test Cricket 1.30am Watersports World 2.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Spanish Football 7.30 Football League 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE Football League 2.30 Grand Prix Speedway 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race 6.00 WWE Experience 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Wild Spirits 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Golf Night 1.45 European Rugby Special 2.30 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 UK Border Force 2.00 The Real A & E 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Bones 5.00 The Simpsons (x4) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 Lost 10.00 Fringe 11.10 Night Cops 12.10am Road Wars (x2) 2.00 Street Wars 2.50 The Villa

7.00pm Formula 1 8.00 Kirsten’s Topless Ambition 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Two Pints Outtakes 10.00 Family Guy 10.25 American Dad! 10.45 The Prodigy And Franz Ferdinand At Radio 1’s Big Weekend 11.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.15am Two Pints Outtakes

7.00pm Cranford 8.00 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 8.30 Mud, Sweat And Tractors: The Story Of Agriculture 9.30 Blues Britannia: Can Blue Men Play The Whites? 11.00 Eric Clapton And Steve Winwood Live At Madison Square Garden 12.00am Blues At The BBC 1.00 Blues On Later...with Jools

1.45pm Britain’s Got More Talent 2.45 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.45 Gossip Girl 4.45 Girls Aloud: The Hot Desk 4.55 FILM: Small Soldiers (1997) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 Supernatural. See highlights. 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.05 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002)

9.20am A Touch Of Frost 11.30 Inspector Morse 1.30pm Kavanagh QC 3.05 Wycliffe 4.15 FILM: Up Pompeii (1971) 6.00 FILM: Death Becomes Her (1992) 8.00 Beyond A Joke 9.00 FILM: The Best Of Benny Hill (1974) 10.45 Rising Damp (x2) 11.50 Wycliffe 12.55am The Life And Crimes Of William Palmer

11.30am Beauty And The Geek 12.25pm Kevin Hill 1.15 Ugly Betty 2.10 Joan Of Arcadia (x2) 4.05 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Sex And The City (x2) 1.35 Ghost Whisperer 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus

10.00am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.25pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.15 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 River Cottage: Gone Fishing 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Madeleine Was Here 11.10 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm

9.00am My Wife And Kids (x2) 10.00 The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Ghost Whisperer (x7) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed 2.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm World War II: The Complete History (x4) 4.00 Mythbusters (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Hitler’s Henchmen 9.00 SAS: Special Forces Heroes 10.00 Treasure Quest 11.00 Chessboard Killer: Serial Killers 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting

6.00am FILM: Nature Unleashed: Earthquake (2004) 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Firefly (x8) 7.00pm A Town Called Eureka 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Polar Storm (2009) 10.50 FILM: Ogre (2008) 12.40am FILM: UKM: The Ultimate Killing Machine (2006) 2.30 Ghost Stories 3.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 4.00 Star Trek

9.50am Funny Face (1957) 11.45 Marty (1955) 1.20pm The Nutty Professor (1963) 3.10 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 4.55 How To Steal A Million (1966) 7.05 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 9.00 Shane (1953) 11.05 Funny Face (1957) 12.55am The Nutty Professor (1963)

11.30am The Commitments (1991) 1.30pm Breaking And Entering (2006) 3.35 Bottle Rocket (1996) 5.20 The Kite Runner (2007) 7.30 The Movie Geek 8.00 The Savages (2007) 10.00 Sex, Lies And Videotape (1989) 11.45 The Castle (1998) 1.20am The Last King Of Scotland (2006)

1.00pm Catch That Kid (2004) 2.45 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) 5.15 Carry On Dick (1974) 7.00 Congo (1995) 9.00 Mission: Impossible III (2006) 11.20 Bad Girls (1994) 1.20am Deterrence (1999) 3.30 Close

9.30am Kansas Pacific (1953) 10.55 The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) 1.00pm One Spy Too Many (1966) 3.00 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 5.00 The Prize (1963) 7.30 Cavalry Scout (1951) 9.00 Dolores Claiborne (1995) 11.35 Bloodbrothers (1978) 1.55am Dolores Claiborne (1995) 4.15 Offset

1.40pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x4) 4.20 Steptoe And Son 5.00 One Foot In The Grave 5.40 Blackadder Goes Forth 6.20 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Fawlty Towers: ReOpened 11.05 Fawlty Towers 11.45 Only Fools And Horses 1.45am New Adventures Of Old Christine

5.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 6.00 Everybody Hates Chris 6.30 Rules Of Engagement 7.00 Scrubs 7.30 The Office: An American Workplace 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Mask (1994) 11.00 FILM: The Man With Two Brains (1983) 12.40am Grumpy Old Men

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11:07 AM

Page 1

monday 11 Ashes To Ashes BBC1, 9pm There’s a visitor from Gene Hunt’s past. A journalist who’s had runins with Gene in the past. She’s investigating the disappearance of northern teenagers that have arrived in London. Alex is suspicious, and with the threat of a transfer haunting Gene, she’s desperate they get to the bottom of the corruption.

Find Me A Family Channel 4, 9pm Three-part series trying to find homes for children in care. David Akinsanya, an adoption campaigner and journalist who grew up in care, follows three households of would-be adopters as they take part in a pioneering project. Cathy and Richard are hoping to adopt a sibling for their own daughter. Will it work?

The Father, The Son And The Housekeeper BBC4, 9pm Father Michael Cleary, the ‘real Father Ted’. an unlikely superstar of the Catholic Church had his own TV chat show and two hit albums. A year after his death a shocking truth emerged about his private life that would rock the Church to its foundations. Here the true story is revealed.

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sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Tronji 3.50 Funky Fables 4.05 Beat The Boss USA 4.35 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Kid’s TV 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Let’s Write Poetry 11.40 Let’s Write A Story 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Green Party

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories from around the UK. 7.30 Watchdog Consumer news and advice from the Watchdog office. 8.00 EastEnders Phil’s boozing throws the Mitchell women into chaos. Tanya has to deal with an uninvited guest on her date with Dr Jenkins, and Stacey comes under pressure. Meanwhile, Bradley tries to work out why Syd is giving him the cold shoulder. 8.30 Panorama Panorama. 9.00 Ashes To Ashes See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections 10.40 The Omid Djalili Show Stand-up and sketches from awardwinning comedian Omid Djalili. 11.10 Inside Sport Gaby Logan wiht the inside story. 11.40 FILM: Mr 3000 (2004) An aging baseball star finds out many years after retirement that he didn’t quite reach 3,000 hits. Now, at age 47, he’s back to try and reach that goal. 1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: The Department Store 2.20 Sign Zone: Orangutan Diary 3.20 Sign Zone: Real Rescues 4.05 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 South Pacific The South Pacific islands are the most remote in the world. Their extraordinary isolation has created some of the most curious, surprising and precarious examples of life found anywhere on Earth; from giant crabs that tear open coconuts, to flesh eating caterpillars that impale their prey on dagger like claws. 8.00 Property Watch Keeping an eye on the market. 9.00 Heroes Sylar continues his unusual partnership and begins to have an unexpected identity crisis. 9.45 Heroes Nathan faces off against Sylar to keep him from meeting the president, while Sylar has his own plans for his new partner. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections 11.25 The Wire. Avon looks to strike a deal; McNulty enlists Bubbles in his search for Omar; Daniels sets up a new detail; the Greeks have a proposal for Nick and Ziggy. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Green Party For the European Parliament. 6.30 ITV Evening News And Weather 7.00 Emmerdale When Victoria loses Sarah, Cain turns it to his advantage. Good lord, how can this be? Cain doing somethng to cause another loved one pain? Blimey. 7.30 Coronation Street Tara takes revenge on Dev the cheat in spectacular fashion. 8.00 Make My Kids Happy: Tonight (Part One) First of a twopart special which asks - why do British children have such low self esteem? Episode one strips the kids of their gadgetry to see if getttign physical and using their imaginations might help with their esteem. 8.30 Coronation Street Dev is devastated by Tara’s actions. 9.00 Cops With Cameras Taking the viewer to the heart of the action. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 FILM: Scent Of A Woman See highlights. 1.25am UEFA Champions League 1.55 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: 2.45 Loose Women 3.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 10.00 Day I Got The Sack 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Teen Tycoons 11.30 Battlefront Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The City Gardener 1.00 3 Minute Wonder: Flatpack Stories 1.05 FILM: Chariots Of Fire (1981) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons Homer becomes the laughing stock of the town when a wild bear humiliates him. When he seeks a rematch, Homer bonds with the animal and tries to save its life. 6.30 Hollyoaks Jacqui tells Russ that he’ll never get a DNA test and that she’s taking a court injunction out against him so he’ll never get to see Max again. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder Series of brief films. 8.00 Dispatches: Lost In Care Rageh Omaar explores the problems faced by children in care in the UK. 9.00 Find Me A Family See highlights. 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Wealthy Roisin Isaacs, who made her fortune in the health care industry, heads to the Scottish city of Dundee and is soon faced with the shocking reality of inner-city poverty. 11.05 Madeleine Was Here This documentary follows Madeliene’s parents in their continued attempt to piece together what happened on the day of her disappearance, whilst maintaining a normal life for their two other children. 12.10am Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night 12.55 Find Me A Family 1.55 NY-LON 2.55 Flood 3.10 Hill Street Blues 4.00 Star Maths 4 5.00 Whats So Good About Dick King-Smith? 5.30 We Are From...

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: Tornado! (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Joey refuses to forgive Charlie for sleeping with Hugo. 6.30 Zoo Days There is good news regarding Sheba the elderly elephant. 6.55 PEB: The Green Party A European election broadcast on behalf of the Green Party. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Massive Speed Documentary series in which Chris Barrie examines the evolution of machines designed for speed. Chris focuses on sports cars, tracing their history from the Bugatti Type 23 of the early 20th century to its modern-day equivalent, capable of reaching 254mph. 8.00 The Gadget Show Jon teams up with singer Katie Melua to try out car stereos. 9.00 FILM: Angel Eyes (2001) Romantic drama in which a female police officer in Chicago is rescued by a mysterious man. 10.55 FILM: Loser (2000) Romantic comedy drama about a scholarship student from the country whose determination to knuckle down to work alienates him from his affluent and oafish New York college mates. 12.45am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.35 USPGA Golf 2.25 AMA Supercross 3.10 Arenacross 4.00 Winter X Games 4.20 NBA 360 Magazine 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away.

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 2.30pm LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00am Football League: Championship 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 3.00pm LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 9.00 H2O Sports International 9.30 Spirit Of Yachting VIII: Safety And Offshore Sailing 10.00 Poker 12.00am Speedway 2.00 Poker 4.00 Football League 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.30am WWE: The Bottom Line 7.30 Football League 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Spanish Football 4.30 WWE: Raw 6.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 Great Run Edinburgh 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Alison Swann

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Tabatha’s Salon Takeover 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Road Wars (x4) 1.50am Inside... 2.40 Drug Wars: D.E.A. 3.30 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Robin Hood 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Bizarre ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Gavin And Stacey 12.15am Snog Marry Avoid? 12.45 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 1.45 Two Pints Outtakes 2.15 Ideal

7.00pm News 7.30 Youth Hostelling: The First 100 Years 8.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 9.00 The Father, The Son And The Housekeeper: Storyville 10.00 Up For Debate Team Qatar: Storyville 11.30 FILM: I Went Down (1997) 1.15am The Father, The Son And The Housekeeper: Storyville

10.30am Judge Judy (x3) 12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 Primeval 9.00 The Chopping Block 10.00 FILM: Basic Instinct (1992) 12.30am Coronation Street (x2) 1.30 Teleshopping

11.20am Surgical Spirit (x2) 12.30pm Home To Roost 1.00 Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Beiderbecke Affair 9.00 Beyond A Joke 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 The Lakes 12.15am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (2) 9.00 90210 10.00 FILM: Mystic Pizza (1988) 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl 1.30 Joan Of Arcadia

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.05 Grand Designs 12.10am ER (x2)

11.00am The Jerry Springer Show (x2) 12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 Trophy Wives 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Whale Wars 10.00 Mythbusters 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Force Of Impact (2005) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 10.50 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 12.50am FILM: The Messengers (2007) 3.00 Star Trek (x2)

10.00am The Producers (1968) 11.35 Operation Petticoat (1959) 1.40pm Duel In The Sun (1946) 3.55 Lover Come Back (1961) 5.45 Holiday Inn (1942) 7.30 The Producers (1968) 9.05 Operation Petticoat (1959) 11.10 Cool Hand Luke (1967) 1.20am Duel In The Sun (1946)

10.40am The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 12.20pm Mumford (1999) 2.20 The Movie Geek 2.50 This Is My Father (1998) 4.55 Clubland (2007) 6.45 Rushmore (1998) 8.20 The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 10.00 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 12.05am Quadrophenia (1979)

1.00pm The Gunfighter (1950) 2.40 The Card (1952) 4.30 Reach For The Sky (1956) 7.10 Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) 9.00 Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World (2003) 11.35 Johnny Mnemonic (1995) 1.25am The Sniper (1952) 3.15 Close

7.25am The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946) 9.40 Tall Man Riding (1955) 11.15 Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 1.00pm Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 3.00 Lust For Life (1956) 5.15 Forbidden Planet (1956) 7.05 Skyjacked (1972) 9.00 Batman (1989) 11.20 It! (1967) 1.15am Forget Paris (1995)

4.20pm My Family 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Fawlty Towers: Re-Opened 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.40 The Royle Family 10.20 Fawlty Towers 11.00 Men Behaving Badly 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Men Behaving Badly

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie