Latest Seven: Issue 423 12 - 18 May by Latest Homes

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5/7/09

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t h e city magazine for brighton & h o v e www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 12 – 18 May 2009

FREE WEEKLY

bare vision

dion salvador lloyd’s stunning canvases at naked eye art gallery page 15

nitin sawhney on how music speaks a universal language

everyone’s a critic reviews of fringe shows and highlights of what’s to come meeting point the best of brighton’s conference venues

Get your hands on something damned attractive this weekend Hove Arts – Artists’ Open Houses

CLOSING SOON

hovearts.co.uk

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–11 5 Seann has a lot to say about phones 5 Will’s glad we’re not all California girls 6 Win Brighton Uni fashion show tickets 6 Social Diary at House Festival launch 7 Dani gets on her feminist soapbox 8 Bare Cheek answer puzzling queries 8 Astral Angi knows your fashion sense 9 Celebcity paps Denise Van Outen 10 Brighton Festival Fringe: what to see and do this week

Welcome W

21 Food: Andrew loves Moonstone 22 Health: Dental Health Spa for kids

★ latest listings 23–43 23 Reviews Our first reports from the festivals

25 Stage Following in Julie Andrews’ footsteps

27 Film Zachary Quinto on playing Spock

28 Comedy Vicky asks Rob Deering about his boobs

28 Art

11 Celeb interview: Nitin Sawhney on the evolution of music

The Dragonfly Open House

29 Kids & Events The children’s show from Provence

★ latest news 12–14

29 Books

10 News: swine flu hysteria; Smash EDO

30 Music

Remembering poet Beryl Fenton

14 Letters: Seann and Sid Vicious 12 Sport: up the Albion! 12 Crossword: on your coffee break?

The incendiary Firegathering Festival Brighton Latest Download Chart

★ latest lifestyle 15–22

33 Clubs

15 Cover feature: Dion Salvador Lloyd’s

34 Gay

paintings at Naked Eye Gallery

16 Stylish conference venues 20 Hotlist: the best hot – and cold – food

TOP

Boogie nights 4 Poofs and A Piano

36 TV Dani on Snog, Marry, Avoid?; and full TV listings for the week ahead

21 15

e’re a week into the festivals and our reviewers have already caught some great shows – see the listings section (p23) to find out what they liked and catch up with our day-to-day reviews posted online at www.thelatest.co.uk/7 Each week we bring you tips about what to see at Brighton Festival Fringe (p10) and highlights on our listings pages. One of the most entertaining gigs this week is likely to be 4 Poofs and A Piano at the Parlure Spiegeltent – I spoke to one of the quartet about why he loves Fringe audiences and how the Poofs responded to the Jonathan Ross scandal (p34). As well as the wonderful Brighton Festival, the fringe and Artists’ Open Houses, there are two more local festivals happening this month. The Great Escape will bring hundreds of performers to Brighton this weekend, including late additions Evan Dando and Brakes. Then from 22-24 May the Firegathering Festival will bring the likes of Red Snapper and 12 Stone Toddler together in mid Sussex. Find out more in music news (p30). Even after all the festivals are over, Brighton and Hove will continue to be a melting pot for media and arts. In June The Space networking event will start up again, bringing creatives at the top of their fields to be interviewed in front of a live audience. One of the first guests will be musician Nitin Sawhney; read Andy Morton’s interview with him on page 11. Our cover feature this week is on the striking paintings of Dion Salvador Lloyd at Naked Eye Gallery (p15). If business, not pleasure, is on your mind, we have an exclusive guide to the best conference venues in the Brighton and Hove area (p16) – and you can’t help but enjoy yourself if you choose one of these to host your event. Don’t forget to email us if you see a Festival or Fringe show you think is worthy of a Latest Award: festival@thelatest.co.uk

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Patrick O’Donnell Marie Vagen

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

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Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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005_LS423_will/seann

5/6/09

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann obile phones are a constant source of conversational material. The opening of pretty much any meeting, be it business or social, seems to struggle to get going without some comment or other about phones: “My phone keeps doing this!” “I hate predictive texting!” The subject of phones has joined the likes of the weather in the ritual of space-filling small-talk. There is a universally accessible pool of possible opinions about phones, which we may all dip in to. “I just want something that can make calls and texts”; “Ooh, I don’t like camera phones.” They’re hardly original or insightful, but they’re available to everyone and of great use in conversations with people you find hard to talk to. Few people have said: “I had a fascinating conversation about how annoying it is when you don’t have signal.” It’s like presenting GMTV: you don’t have to say anything interesting, or think. And, as with all forms of phatic communication, you really have to go out on a limb to offend someone. You’d have to decorate these platitudes with some tangential racism, or suchlike, but even that

Will e live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. Thus spoke Carrie Prejean, the incumbent Miss California, who caused a stir by airing the above stance on same-sex marriage loudly, candidly, and in front of an auditorium containing more gays than the opening night of Dame Shirley Bassey on Ice (a hypothetical musical that exists only in my head, not the inevitable day she is cryogenically frozen for medical science). The aspiring Miss USA was asked her opinion by ‘celebrity’ judge Perez Hilton, a gay blogger who has feuds with Lily Allen and writes stories saying Beyoncé has fat thighs. He, along with the majority of the audience, was appalled by Miss California’s comments, although – reading his blog – he seems to get appalled by a lot of things. Possibly he was mainly appalled he couldn’t say Miss California has fat thighs. The nation was divided. Was Miss California reinforcing the grand American tradition of free speech by voicing her honest views even though it would cost her

Seann Walsh thinks mobiles are hardly a talking point, but wouldn’t be without one

must be hard to do without being clunky: “I really like this new phone; I hope it doesn’t get stolen by immigrants.” As a talking point, phones mean very little and exist solely to fill space, like Polegate.

“As a talking point, phones mean very little and exist solely to fill space, like Polegate”

Of course, there’s a reason why phones are so frequently discussed: like the weather, they are relevant to us all. From children to the decrepit, almost everyone has one. Such is their universality that we find it incomprehensible when we meet someone under the age of seventy who doesn’t have one. It seems not like a brave stand against technology but a stubborn, inconvenient affectation. After all, have you tried meeting up with such a person? As soon as they leave their house, they are incommunicado. There can be no text regarding their whereabouts, nor a quick call conveying a change of plan. It is well known to anyone who’s been phoneless for whatever reason in the last ten years that such a state imposes a considerably more rigid, fixed social life, with one immutable plan per evening. It’s like a social monorail, with no unexpected tangents: arrange to meet friend at pub; go to pub; go home. Think of how many nights have taken turns as a result of one text or call. Think of how many opportunities open up as a result of such immediately-available communication. It’s true: phones have changed our lives. Given this, you’d think we might have more to say about them.

Will Harris finds beauty pageants simply disguise an uglier reality

“Or was she a symbol of America’s past, with no place in the United States of Obama?”

the crown? Or was she a symbol of America’s past, an ignorant hick pedalling prejudices that have no place in the all-new United States of Obama? But rather than

endlessly debating and dissecting ‘that speech’, isn’t the real question we should ask ourselves: who cares about the opinion of a girl who invents the phrase ‘opposite marriage’ to describe, well, marriage? When did beauty queens become such a respected barometer of social issues? Was it around the same time The Sun started grilling its Page 3 girls for their astute media commentary? Sample quote: “Abi (18) urges everyone not to panic over swine flu.” I’m sure the readers would appreciate your concern, Abi (18), if they weren’t all hypnotised by your ginormous breasts. For all their organisers may claim otherwise, girls enter beauty pageants to be judged exclusively on their appearance; expecting them to wade into a national debate is like handing a kitten a Rubik’s Cube (in this case, with a hissing fuse attached). I can’t commend or condemn Miss California for her comments, because to do that I’d have to believe there was more going on in her head than a recording of Miley Cyrus on a loop. In the end, she took second place. The crown went to Miss North Carolina, who has so far kept her mouth firmly shut about the whole thing. Clever girl.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Win tickets to Brighton’s hottest fashion show The fashion collections of University of Brighton students hit the runway this June at the much-talked-about Graduate Fashion Show. This annual sell-out show is an opportunity for the final year fashion and textile students to showcase their collections, and for fashion-lovers to discover the next generation of budding designers. The show takes place at the university’s Faculty of Arts and Architecture, Grand Parade, Brighton, where past graduates include Julien Macdonald OBE and Keren Craig, one half of fashion duo Marchesa. The fashion show is one of many highlights at the university’s Burt Brill and Cardens Graduate Show 2009, held from 6 to 11 June, when the faculty is transformed into the biggest art gallery in the South East. This year’s graduate show will also celebrate the founding of the original Brighton School of Art 150 years ago. We have a pair of tickets to give away to a lucky reader for the fashion show on Saturday 6 June (doors 8pm). Just tell us: When was the Brighton School of Art founded? a) 1858 b) 1859 c) 1860 See more at www.brighton.ac.uk/arts150

Mariama Attah (Arts Council) and Judy Stevens

visits the dentist and catches another private view

Private view Upstairs at the Regency Town House in Brunswick Square was the place to be for the private view of the ‘Selector’s Choice’ exhibition – a dynamic selection of Open House Artists chosen by curators Nicola Coleby, Simon Martin and Woodrow Kernohan. ‘Selector’s Choice’ is part of HOUSE festival – a new curated extension of the Artists Open Houses. Where Open Houses transform homes into galleries, HOUSE inverts this concept, bringing the ‘domestic’ into local small galleries and art spaces. Assemblages, moving image works, paintings and prints are combined in a thought provoking exhibition in the resonant setting of this Regency period townhouse in the midst of restoration.

Sue Gollifer (Brighton University) and Verity Slater (Arts Council)

For more information visit www.housefestival.org

Carolyn Trant

Kids being entertained before ‘Oral Insights’ session.

Christina Chatfield (Practice Director), Chloe Borroughs (Dental Nurse) and Jonesy (Juice 107.2, in the chair)

Brushing technique To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Fashion’ in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Friday 29 May

Christina Chatfield (Practice Director) and Michael MacGregor

Dental Health Spa opened in September 2007 and in September 2008 launched Spa White a professional tooth whitening division. On Saturday 25 April 2009 Dental Health Spa launched Spa Kids, an in-house children’s clinic offering preventive and restorative treatment to children of all ages. The launch was broadcast live by Jonesy and the crew from Juice 107.2 and kids were entertained by Lord Geoffrey – The Balloon Guy. Dental Health Spa use Oral Insights which is an innovative interactive computer generated toothbrushing system which lets children see their own toothbrushing in their own mouth in 3D and can help children to improve brushing habits. A special offer is available on this treatment until the 30 May 2009. Christina at Dental Health Spa says that: “Spa Kids can help your child to beat those bugs and introduce good habits to last a life time. Prevention is better than cure.” For more information visit www.dentalhealthspa.co.uk.

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani as anyone else noticed that nearly all newspapers now have ‘women’s’ magazines included over the weekend? Why don’t they have men’s magazines? There are really only two ways a woman could feel about this - either pleased because she gets a free(ish) magazine that contains news about her favourite celebrities’ lives, the newest diet fad and some pictures of clothes, or offended because it just goes to show that the man reads the serious paper while the woman gets her hints and tips on how to be a yummy mummy. Personally, I am swaying more towards the latter. It seems that women never really move on from that time when they are 16 years old – old enough to be treated like an adult but not old enough to actually be given very much responsibility. These magazines rarely contain any actual news, but let’s face it, the newspapers don’t either. A couple of weeks ago, the item I saw in the papers most often was about how the credit crunch is

Dani wonders if today’s attitudes to women still leave a little to be desired

“Are we still being patted patronisingly on the head – just in a more subtle way?” affecting A-list celebrities, and about how this means that Elton John can no longer afford to spend something stupid like 20 million pounds on fresh flowers. Not only does the state of some celebrity’s financial affairs not constitute as news, but why would any of us cash strapped ‘normal’ folk be interested in the fact that Elton John may not be able to afford fresh flowers to cover every square inch of his properties? In the news world, I’m sure this story was meant to make us feel better – look how these rich people are suffering because of the recession! When in actual fact all it does is highlight how little some of us have. Perhaps now is the perfect time for these women’s

Manly pampering Has anyone else noticed that men don’t moisturise? If you watch the adverts for men’s products you will see that they use hydrating gel and soothing balm as opposed to moisturiser. Would it really be that embarrassing for men to go into a shop and buy a bottle that had the word ‘moisturiser’ on it? It’s not exactly a secret that men’s cosmetics are selling like hot cakes so why are we still making each product sound like something a superhero would use after rescuing eight puppies from a burning barn?

magazines. The news after all is only ever more and more depressing. Not only do we have to worry about the fact that there is no money left, there is a new flu pandemic and Katie Price is worried she won’t be able to wear hot pants this summer (yes, that was on an online news page). Does anyone think that just a little amount of positivity might lighten the air just slightly? So perhaps the pictures of shoes that are just slightly too expensive and images of a celebrity’s new tattoos are a good escape. As women, we are expected to discuss the headlines but at the same time, are almost encouraged to pass the newspaper on in favour of a trashy mag. Has society‘s view on women really changed? Or are we still being patted patronisingly on the head – just in a more subtle way? There is still a problem when it comes to men’s and women’s wages, with men, in general, having larger wage packets then women. If you look at news readers, the female news readers are (and this is just my opinion) generally more attractive than their male counterparts. You could suggest that the men look more studious and intellectual than the women. But it could just be a fluke.

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Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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08 ONLY JOKING! and having this agreement officially recognised in some form of ancient ceremony in a building deemed holy. After this ceremony, in which I took his surname, we spent our first night together in a boarding house where he did something unmentionable to me and I did not speak to him for three days. But I soon more or less got used to it. Now this man is dead, and I want to have a fitting memorial engraved on his tombstone, but cannot remember the name commonly given to the relationship he bore to me. I know there was some title he enjoyed and by which I would refer to him. Can you please help a bereaved yet confused old lady? Yours, Doris Enderby, Hove.

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

What was that? Can’t remember the name of a film, song, place or object? Mike Hunter is the man with the answers... Dear Mike, Some years ago I went on a stag weekend in this really great city, but got so wasted there I can’t remember its name, or even what country it was in. I vaguely recall that it is famed as a port, and for its canals and especially its liberal attitude towards drugs and prostitution. There were cafés where people sat around openly smoking joints they had freely purchased over the counter, and brothels where prostitutes sat in a shop window, displaying their wares, if you get what I mean. Despite this somewhat seamy aspect, the whole place had a most quaint aspect, with little cantilevered bridges and tall, narrow houses all squeezed up together, and girls wearing broad white wimples and clogs, and men playing colourful

barrel organs on every corner. Now I am about to be married myself, and would love to hold my own stag party in the same place so I can go out in style. I’ve asked the mates I went with the name of the place, but they were all pretty much as mashed as me, to be honest. I’m beginning to think I actually hallucinated the whole holiday. Have you any ideas, or was this just a pipe dream? Yours Frank, Moulescoomb. Dear Frank, Book your flights right away, because the place you are looking for, and the ideal spot for closing the door on your bachelor days, is Bishop’s Stortford, the market town in Hertfordshire. Call Tourist Information on 01279 655831 or

Astral Angi

email tic@bishopsstortford.org And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! Dear Mike, Until very recently I lived with a man with whom I shared almost every part of my life. We did everything together. We lived under the same roof, slept in the same bed, produced offspring, split bills and even shared a bank account. At the start, we only saw each other now and then, but these occasions became more frequent, until one day he asked if I would agree to spending all my time with him

Dear Doris, There certainly is a title for the man you married. Mr Enderby was your dear “That’s Life Jobsworth of the Year, 1982”. Keep those queries coming in!

Mike XXX Brian Mitchell can be seen (and some of Joseph Nixon’s jokes heard) in the radio show, Up Yours To The Festival! with Brian and Jerry, recorded before an audience by totallyradio.com at The Latest Music Bar, Wed 13 May 7pm and Wed 20 May 9.30pm. Entrance £5/£4. Box Office: 01273 709709.

BARDSLEY’S

This week Astral’s fashion faves and faux pas

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries the trend-setter, always first with the fashion and never afraid to step out boldly. Which is why you often look a complete prat. Astral’s fashion tip for May: The crocheted poncho.

Cancerian‘s clothing is dictated by their mood: red they are happy, blue they are sad, it’s not rocket science. Astral’s fashion tip for May: Go naked and see what that tells the world.

Librans are natural fashionistas and know exactly what to wear and when to wear it. Astral’s fashion tip for May: Break with tradition and buy a pair of dungarees – well if Meryl can do it…

Capricorns are the connoisseurs of casual cool. Sadly that involves a lot of synthetic fabrics. Astral’s fashion tip for May: Invest in a seriously effective deodourant.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans are label queens. ‘Does it look good?’ Who cares if the label is right. Astral’s fashion tip for May: An expensive Gucci bag, you will be too broke to come out and bore us with it.

The Leo look is neat and tidy, clean lines and a good cut are essential. Astral’s fashion tip for May: The Brighton Bus Co uniform is smart – apply now.

For Scorpios it’s not what you cover up but what you reveal that matters. Sex mad the lot of you. Astral’s fashion tip for May: Give us all a break and buy a burkha.

Aquarians love to shock: bright colours in odd combos, silly hair-styles, odd socks, vintage stuff… Astral’s fashion tip for May: Smarten up your act and grow up, you look silly.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Gemini’s look is understated, basics in dull colours and easy care fabrics. Yeuk! Astral’s fashion tip for May: Get arrested and sport the white paper suit while forensics test your clothes.

Virgos love to look prim and proper. White is their colour, fine cotton, a little lace detail and smocking. Astral’s fashion tip for May: Skinny rib boob tubes in white acrylic – live a little.

Sagis predictably dismiss fashion, opting for comfy cardis, nylon tabards and slacks. Astral’s fashion tip for May: Stick with items that are easy to rinse through in an emergency.

Piscean style is simplicity itself, a simple shift dress, a white shirt. I always admire the uniforms at Bardsley’s. Astral’s fashion tip for May: The cod piece.

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AROUND TOWN 09

LATEST NEWS 13

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on swine flu, a more relaxed Mexico, and the anti-war demonstration

Overhyped? he swine flu pandemic has been hyped out of proportion by TV news channels, according to a Hove woman living in Mexico where the outbreak has claimed more than 100 lives. Ronnie Barker and her husband Tony have their own company repairing and managing yachts in the scenic holiday resort of Bucerias on the Pacific coast. She told Latest 7 how her niece and two friends had cancelled plans to visit her because of the scare and how all nightclubs in the area had been shut down, but she said people generally were now much more relaxed. Mrs Barker, who worked in newspapers in the UK, said: “The panic is winding down here, or so it appears, and we all have the feeling that 24-hour news channels had a field day out of this. “Yes, there have been deaths but how many people die from any old flu annually – without any media interest?” Mrs Barker, whose 82-year-old mother lives in Hove, said people were taking sensible precautions with sports events and cinemas closed but life was slowly returning to normal. “Mexican families are enjoying themselves on the beach, but perhaps not as many as would normally be expected, and college students have not arrived from out of the area, no doubt due to the closure of all nightclubs and public events.

Ronnie Barker and husband Tony

“Supermarket staff, most of the time, are letting their face masks dangle around their necks now but they have someone wiping the handles of trolleys before customers take them. “There are mobile medical units at various places on the main highway making random checks and, at the airport, passengers have to complete medical questionnaires and have their temperatures taken before they are allowed to check in. “Bank staff have been issued with lightweight cotton masks – I tried buying some at four pharmacies here but all had sold out. I ended up with a heavy-duty mask bought from a paint shop.” Mrs Barker, 49, said her area of Mexico was clear of flu cases but some people were taking no chances: “We have had two clients who were due to visit their boats here but have now cancelled and another who is bringing their boat back here as quickly as possible so they can abandon ship and leave the country.” She added: “We have been impressed with the action taken by the Mexican Government and local authorities – but not some of the hyped media reports.”

“Yes, there have been deaths but how many people die from any old flu?”

Unjustified violence These dramatic pictures of the anti-war demonstration in Brighton on May Day were captured by Southern News and Pictures photographer Darren Cool. A small minority of demonstrators caused flashpoints of violence during what was otherwise a peaceful protest by Smash EDO against a Brightonbased defence manufacturer. City police said up to 50 of the 500 protesters threw missiles, hurled verbal abuse and shoved police to provoke officers into retaliating. Brighton and Hove police commander, Chief Supt Graham Bartlett said: “We saw unjustified acts of violence aimed at premises and police officers, with

some officers receiving minor injuries. Members of the public including many visitors to the city were clearly frightened and intimidated by a small minority of the group who have been verbally abusive, and throwing missiles at police.” “One member of public was struck in the face by a missile and had to be treated by a police medical team. “Paint has been thrown at and daubed on a number of premises and a window at a boutique in Market Street was broken. There were also reports of wanton criminal damage taking place. “This is a tough time for businesses and this additional disruption, coupled with these criminal acts, can only impact even more on vital commerce and tourism in the city.”

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5/7/09

10:32 AM

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14 LETTERS | SPORT

Latest sport

The great escape Latest Sport’s Peter Knight takes stock of Albion’s pitch-invading season finale hew. That was very close indeed. Two weeks on since surviving on the last day of the campaign, the adrenaline and delight is still racing through our veins as next season’s expectation takes over. That afternoon our eagerness for that game to end literally spilled out with, not one, but two pitch invasions and the relief drained out of us as quickly as the celebration drinks followed in. Just like the band’s first attempt in the UK singles charts way back in 1971 with Get Down And Get With It, Slade soars us way up there to the dizzying heights of sixteeth in the league – the Albion’s highest position since the promising 4-1 thrashing of playoff-bound Millwall way back on 1 November. This time last year most of us were scratching our heads following the behind the scenes manoevering that brought us the sudden return of Micky Adams. In these very pages we stated that after the excellent work done by Dean Wilkins the club “have the potential to win promotion next

LATEST

LETTERS Crunchy

What a delight it is to read the weekly musings of Seann Walsh! His world view is somewhere between Sid Vicious and Groucho Marx and, in this cynical world of skullduggery and chicanery, is as fresh and honest as a Granny Smith’s apple. I, for one, (although I suspect I speak for thousands), am minded to issue Seann a stern and encouraging pat on the back. Well done, young man. Keep it coming! Yours, Michael Tabbard, Brighton

Send your letters or comments to: letters@thelatest.co.uk

You can also send to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

year”! And then we all watched with horror as the season unfolded. With so much going wrong and with charged debates in the stands and on the gossip forums, we’re still trying to put our finger on the reasons for the spectacular decline in fortunes. This time round will probably see a slightly more bottled-up expectation of promotion, although the Russell Slade-relegationavoiding-effect might have us dancing right through the summer with league title winning dreams for 2010. Us lot down in the Latest Sport bunker have always praised the youthful backbone our Albion have developed over the recent years. It was partly down to the improvement Slade got out of players like Elphick, Fraser, Loft and the impressive Cox and Hart that has helped us escape the drop. With the return of the everyouthful Forster, a season-long of fitness for Murray and two or three key experienced signings... We don’t want history to repeat itself here on these pages but, up the Albion! Photo: Jess Hodson

latestcrossword Cryptic 193

solutions on page 32

Quick 193

ACROSS

DOWN

ACROSS

1 Finished composition shows excessive application (8) 5 Place where car club admits Siamese leaders (4) 9 Fruit beer with very soft ingredients (5) 10 Silly? ICI do it in a way (7) 11 Medic who’s pro intricate transplant operation (12) 13 Genuine disturbance by doctor backing into the store (6) 14 The most exquisite end is French (6) 17 The premier trade, perhaps (7-5) 20 Tooth made by Ron’s chemical company (7) 21 Fibre woven in place twixt Leicester and Nottingham (5) 22 Man a representative follows (4) 23 Words of gratitude from wild youth with a short neck (5,3)

1 Where cricketers get in shape? (4) 2 Butterfly leader (7) 3 Chew net dress into a miserable state (12) 4 Fruit is wet weather development (6) 6 Fabric made in a day partly at home (5) 7 Precise cleric taken to account (8) 8 Violinist joining CIA to promote culture (12) 12 Boron deficient in leather preparation (8) 15 In perpendicular fashion like unfinished rectory in Ely (7) 16 Street structure made with stiffening substance (6) 18 Fraud, to a degree, concerning meat (5) 19 Country absorbed by Upper Uruguay (4)

1 Slovenly (8) 5 Eras (4) 9 Central American language (5) 10 Drug (7) 11 Orchestrated (12) 13 Stone-workers (6) 14 Resume trading (2-4) 17 Thickening (12) 20 One who raises (7) 21 Express amusement (5) 22 Period (4) 23 Infant enclosures (4-4)

DOWN 1 So great (4) 2 Encroachments (7) 3 Confirm (12) 4 Happens (6) 6 Drudgery (5) 7 Moving swiftly (8) 8 Unintentionally (12) 12 Impending (8) 15 Bring forth (7) 16 Starry (6) 18 Water vapour (5) 19 Therefore (4)

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COVER STORY 15

Bare vision Dion Salvador Lloyd shows his work at David Donno’s Naked Eye Gallery n a bright, but chill spring afternoon I drive to Hove to meet gallery owner David Donno at artist Dion Salvador Lloyd’s studio. The plan is that we will look at some work, both finished and in progress, prior to Dion’s one-man show at David’s Naked Eye Gallery in Hove during the Brighton Festival. There are photographs to be taken, and I am keen to look at how Dion works and how David relates to the artist. The studio is tidy, the work and the materials organised, but there is surprisingly little space. Immediately I can sense a strong understanding between the two men. I am also impressed by the work, which seems more powerful in this situation than when I had seen a few canvases in a mixed show at the gallery. The photos go well, both are relaxed and having fun, but I very soon realise that talking about the work and the way they work together as artist and gallery owner is nowhere near as interesting as Dion’s impassionate and often monumental paintings. Dion’s canvases and works on board have an intensity and depth that I find mesmeric. His sense of both colour and space is imposing and yet at the same time there is an intimacy to these abstracted land and seascapes that is captivating. Photographs taken, and a few notes made, by the time I leave the studio I have already resolved to let his imagery do the work rather than attempt to do it here in words. Dion Salvador Lloyd exhibition during the Brighton Festival throughout May Naked Eye Art Gallery, 32 Western Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 1AF 01273 204800 www.nakedeyebrighton.com

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16 CONFERENCES

31 – 38 Kings Road, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1NR T: 01273 329001 F:01273 820718

Special May rates for 24 hour delegates INCLUDES LUXURY ACCOMMODATION • ALL MEALS IN OUR FINE DINING RESTAURANT AIR CONDITIONED MEETING ROOM • STATIONARY AND EQUIPMENT COFFEE/TEA SERVICES THROUGHOUT THE DAY • MINERAL WATER AND MINTS £189.00 PER PERSON (NORMALLY £220.00 pp) INCL. VAT

For discerning business travellers looking for a stylish alternative to the traditional hotels

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drakes Hotel is a stylish alternative to the corporate meeting place

historic interest

Experience the unique Wine Cellars at Barceló Brighton Old Ship Hotel The Barceló Brighton Old Ship Hotel is known for being the oldest hotel in Brighton, dating, in parts, back to 1559. Now you can enjoy the history and enjoy a sumptuous meal at the same time in the atmospheric, candlelight soaked Wine Cellars. Perfect for private dinners for up to 26 guests, drinks receptions, wine tastings or even murder mystery events. Brighton’s notorious history of smuggling reached its heyday during the Napoleonic wars when duty on spirits, tea and coffee made it very profitable indeed. The cavernous and winding cellars of the Barceló Brighton Old Ship Hotel were the headquarters and hiding place of some of the notorious smuggling gangs. Head Chef Mark Pattinson and his brigade have created a delectable three-course menu with an intimate gathering of friends, family or colleagues in mind. Alternatively, if you would like something different, the team can create a bespoke banquet for you and your guests. Contact the Events Team on 01273 329001 or email oldship.mande@barcelohotels.co.uk and arrange to come and view the Wine Cellars to plan your special occasion. Baceló Brighton Old Ship Hotel, 31–38 Kings Road, Brighton, www.barcelo-hotels.co.uk

Exuding an atmosphere of modern, relaxed glamour with unbeatable service, drakes has set a standard in Brighton for the ultimate in contemporary luxury for discerning business people and travellers looking for a stylish alternative to the more traditional corporate hotel. Adhering to their philosophy that our surroundings have a direct influence on our productivity and performance, impeccably designed meeting facilities and up-tothe-minute technology, coupled with warm hospitality and individual service, make this seafront hotel the perfect environment for small meetings and corporate outings. location With 20 uniquely designed bedrooms and location incorporating their two AA Rosette award-winning restaurant at drakes, this ‘hand-made’ hotel can be hired by the room, the floor or exclusively for private events, including incentives and corporate hospitality. The intimate but fully equipped meeting room enjoys plenty of natural light and can be transformed into a private dining room to host those special business lunches or dinners. Contact their Conference Manager on 01273 696934 to discuss your requirements. drakes Hotel, 44 Marine Parade, Brighton. www.drakesofbrighton.com

There’s a new concept in hotels at umi in Brighton Welcome to umi, a new concept in hotels. Their aim is to offer some of the best UK hotel accommodation in Brighton, with excellent service and facilities, all at a value price. UMI Perfectly located on hotel the seafront in one of Britain’s best loved coastal towns, this hotel offers leisure and group accommodation, as well as the best business accommodation and facilities in the area. Sitting proudly on the seafront, umi Brighton boasts one of the most enviable positions in the city. Just a minute from the centre, the famous Brighton Pier and the bustling Lanes, there is not a hotel with a better location for exploring the area. The umi hotel in Brighton is situated only a five-minute walk from the Brighton Centre, making it one of the best situated hotels for people attending conferences or concerts at the Brighton Centre. Brighton is only an hour’s train journey from London and 25 minutes by train from Gatwick Airport. Brighton is a superb holiday spot for those looking to visit the capital and still fill their lungs with some fresh Brighton air. Whether visiting Brighton for business or pleasure, umi is the ideal hotel to stay at. umi Hotel Brighton, 64 Kings Road, Brighton, 0800 077 8041, www.umihotelbrighton.com

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18 CONFERENCES

productive day

Stanmer House have all the facilities for a productive conference Stanmer House is a Grade I listed manor house which is unique for its Brighton location. Set in the heart of the Sussex countryside, yet only minutes from the bustling city centre, Stanmer House is the perfect venue for your meeting room requirements with on-site parking for up to 70 cars. They have options to suit all budgets including their popular allinclusive delegate packages. They also offer meeting rooms from ÂŁ150 per day with options for refreshments and equipment hire. The all-inclusive delegates package includes: free plasma screen; free flip chart & pens; free delegate pack; free wireless internet; free car parking; on site I.T. assistance; morning and afternoon refreshments; light lunch. The house and gardens provide a peaceful backdrop that enhances the productivity of your day. Contact their events team for further details via email: enquiries@stanmerhouse.co.uk Stanmer House, Stanmer Park, Brighton, 01273 680400, www.stanmerhouse.co.uk

Royal Albion Hotel 35 Old Steine, Brighton, BN1 1NT

Conference Day delegate from ÂŁ20 per person Includes main function room hire 2 servings of tea, coffee & biscuits 3 course buffet lunch in Jennys Restaurant Pen & pad for each delegate + flip chart for further information on 24-hour delegate rate please check inside our conference package To make your reservation or come in for a show round JUST TELEPHONE

01273 324 611

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The New Steine Hotel accommodates all your needs for a business meeting New Steine and Gullivers are delighted to accommodate their corporate clients in their conference and events facilities. bespoke The rooms stand out for their contemporary package design, natural daylight, stylish furniture and unusual lamps. All are able to adapt into smaller, more intimate private dining venues which have become exceedingly popular following various weddings, birthday parties and successful Supper Club evenings – so why not reserve it for that special occasion? The Trouville Room at the New Steine is the perfect venue for your meeting or presentation. Suited for up to 55 theatre-style, 40 boardroom-style, or up to 80 people stand-up buffet, it provides ample space, natural light and a private patio garden for that special occasion (or smokers among you). The Ivory Room is encompassed within the Trouville Room and is ideal for smaller meetings and/or private dining, with a maximum capacity of 15 boardroom-style. Similarly, the Ebony Room at the Gullivers is ideal for meetings and/or private dining, with a maximum capacity of 20 people boardroom-style. All their rooms have direct dial telephone, free wireless internet access, bottled mineral water, paper pads and pencils, flipcharts and access to televisions if required. With packages to suit meetings for room hire only or overnight stays, whether for meetings or private dining, you can relax in the knowledge that you will be looked after from start to finish. The New Steine Hotel and Bistro, Gulliver’s Hotel, 10–11 New Steine, Brighton, tel: 01273 681546, fax: 01273 622663, www.newsteinehotel.com

Combining style, comfort, art, food, local produce and impeccable service at affordable prices

Conferences are catered for at the Royal Albion Hotel At the Royal Albion Hotel, conferences are their speciality, since careful planning is crucial to the success of your events. They are trained to ensure your requirements are met regardless of the size of your royal conference. Their variety dedicated team of conference staff can offer a wealth of knowledge and understanding while booking your event ensuring the best possible service from the moment you contact them. The hotel offers a total of eight conference rooms with the facility to cater for up to 165 delegates. All meeting rooms have free Wireless L.A.N connection. The hotel also has the advantage of two self-contained suites, consisting of the main meeting area, two syndicate rooms and a refreshment area. Royal Albion Hotel, 35 Old Steine, Brighton, 01273 329202, www.britanniahotels.com

NEW STEINE HOTEL, BISTRO & CONFERENCE FACILITIES Day Delegate Rates from £19.50 24 Hour Delegate Rates from £79.00 midweek Corporate Rate: Double Single occupancy from £49.00 per night midweek Add £6 for 2 Course Dinner Room hire only & private dining packages also available

CALL NOW ON : 01273 681546 or 01273 695415 10 & 11 New Steine Brighton BN2 1PB Tel:01273 681546/695415 Fax: 01273 622663 www.newsteinehotel.com Hotel Reception open 24 hours 7 days a week French Bistro Restaurant open 7 days a week inclusive from 6pm to 10pm

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20 HOT LIST atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Sevendials Restaurant

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton BN1 3TD, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton BN2 1HA, 01273 76222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

French New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem. Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10–11 New Steine, Brighton BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast. Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Seattle Restaurant The restaurant, upstairs at Seattle Hotel, has the best seasonal, local produce and locally-caught fish. Food is unpretentious, modern British, by chef David Edward, who has worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay. The restaurant is family-friendly. Head to the Seattle Bar for coffee, afternoon tea, cocktails or a night cap. Spend £75 in the restaurant on Sunday night, and you stay over for free! Brighton Marina, Brighton BN2 5WA, 01273 679799, www.hotelseattlebrighton.com

Spinelli Coffee

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed

haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle

Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 21

Food & drink Andrew Kay enjoys the Sri Lankan delights of Moonstone in Hove

Moon shine en of my age grew up with images of Valerie Singleton on an elephant in a far off world called Ceylon. Now of course we have to jolt ourselves to remember that it is Sri Lanka, same place, different name. I was supposed to go there for a lovely holiday a few years back but the Tamils bombed the airport in Kandi and our trip was cancelled. Sad really as I had been introduced to Sri Lankan cuisine by family friends in preparation for the trip. The home cooked food I tried was delicious with a very vibrant and distinctive taste, the spicing clean and fresh, the heat intense but never so hot that it masked the flavour of the food. I was hoping that Moonstone in Hove would deliver the same exciting experience, in fact, it far exceeded it.

“Had the food been merely OK I might have pecked around the edges but it was delicious and I made a pig of myself”

Unsure of what to expect I happily handed the menus back and left the owner to choose our supper. It was an excellent move and one I would recommend whenever venturing into uncharted culinary waters. With a Lion beer, native to Sri Lanka, although brewed for European colonials originally, and a glass of chilled white for Mr L we sat back and waited – but not for long. First out was a hopper. Yes I know, a mad name but a delicious dish in the form of a thin bread bowl filled with baked egg. This you roll up with grated coconut and fresh chilli. We loved them and despite their size polished them off. A salad of mango drizzled with honey was equally tantalising and the fishcakes actually tasted of fish and not mashed potato like so many do. A long thin pepper was

stuffed with shrimps and deep fried in breadcrumbs. It had that naughty deep fried thing that is so irresistible. To be honest I overindulged and by the time our main courses arrived I was pretty full. Had the food been merely OK I might have pecked around the edges. It was however delicious and I once again made a pig of myself, especially as there were so many of my favourite ingredients. In particular I loved a curry of beetroot and potato, some crunchy and slippery okra and a memorable salad of carrot and parsley. It struck me that this was quite a find for my veggie friends. When I tasted the aubergine dish I was wowed, sweet, sour and smokey, unlike anything I had tried before or at least in that combination. A dish of prawns had intense fishy flavour and the red snapper was really delicious too. I loved the clear seasoning of these dishes and the fact that the ingredients were able to sing across the spicing. A chicken curry was rich and tender, a bubbling soupy sauce and big chunks of meat that had clearly been cooked in it rather than having been dropped in at the last minute. A dry dish of lamb was cooked to the point where it simply melted in your mouth leaving a gentle aftertaste of coconut milk and fresh lime juice. I should have been dipping into a pile of special rice but I was too involved with the vastly differing flavours and fragrances of the other dishes and in particular the vegetables. There was also a noodle dish, usually my first choice, which I didn’t pay anywhere near enough attention to. Too full for pudding, the owner offered a tiny morsel of something very traditional. I am very glad he did. It was an eggy custard that was made with coconut milk and sweetened with Sri Lankan treacle, then baked. It was wonderful and I detected a saltiness in the background that lifted all of the flavours. I liked every bit, the soft layers of custard, two textures and then the slightly caramelised crust. Moonstone hit exactly the right spot, spicy food that I found exciting and new, brilliant vegetable dishes, a richness here and lightness there and a pudding that I will be trying to replicate at home. I fell asleep dreaming of coconut pudding and Valerie Singleton. Moonstone, 208 Church Road Hove, BN3 2DJ. 01273 202151. www.moonstonesrilankanrestaurant.co.uk

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22 HEALTH

Spa kids There’s an innovative method for cleaner teeth at Dental Health Spa ow long does your child spend brushing their teeth daily? Are they reaching all their teeth? Research shows over 40 percent of five-year-old children in the UK have experienced dental decay, an astonishingly high figure so early on in life. Spa Kids is officially open at Dental Health Spa in Brighton, featuring a revolutionary interactive teeth cleaning system to promote better oral health for children. Christina Chatfield, hygienist and owner of Dental Health Spa, launched Spa Kids to create a greater understanding of oral health. This is done through Oralinsights Intelligent Oral Cleaning system, exclusive in the UK to Dental Health Spa. In an era of interactive gaming, the system is designed to be a fun learning experience.

A portable unit lets the child reconstruct brushing their teeth, with the results appearing in real-time 3D on a computer screen. The total time spent brushing is calculated and hot spots of missed tooth surfaces are flagged up. A score is given, meaning children can improve on this with subsequent visits or even see if they can do better than siblings and friends. After the Oralinsights test, children will be taught techniques to improve their brushing. This revolutionary technique reflects the ethos of Dental Health Spa: to focus on preventative rather than restorative dentistry. Spa Kids has launched a comic for kids, so children learn more about hygiene and bacteria with the animated characters. Christina realises that by interacting more, children have a greater understanding of bacteria. When they understand something more, they want to keep their teeth clean, meaning they brush better. The result is improved oral health with children well informed on the importance of keeping their teeth clean. Find out more on Spa Kids at Dental Health Spa by calling 01273 710831. Dental Health Spa, 14–15 Queens Road, Brighton www.dentalhealthspa.co.uk

Kids competition: Goodie bags Calling all kids! Pick up a colouring sheet at Dental Health Spa in Brighton featuring the ‘Bug’ characters – find out what colour they are and their names, then colour them in, plus draw and name your own new bug to be used in the next SpaKids comic! Children aged six and over: win a goodie bag which includes two Oralinsights sessions, a bug-busting hoodie, electric toothbrush and mouthwash, and a comic. Ages under six can win a goodie bag which includes a session to show you how to clean your teeth, a bug busting hoodie, electric toothbrush and mouthwash, and a comic.

Three runners-up in each age catergory receive a toothbrush, mouthwash and comic.

Open to ages 4–16, drop by Dental Health Spa at 14–15 Queens Road, Brighton (just up from the Clock Tower) and pick up a colouring sheet designed for Dental Health Spa. Simply drop off your colouring/name suggestions at the Spa and you could win! Good luck! You have until 31 July 2009.

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LATEST LISTINGS 23

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 12 – 18 MAY Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Packed from start to finish with thigh slapping songs, this West End revival filled the stage with quality entertainment. The plot is slim but interesting enough. This is a show all about dancing, and how these kids could dance. For fans of the original, which was a movie and not a stage show, there are enough references to keep you happy but full marks have to go to the excellent staging and choreography, the ensemble singing and sheer energy of the entire company. In this production the show itself is the shining star. Theatre Royal 27 April

★★★★✩ Andrew Kay Comic Boom It was a good time at Boom’s farewell to April, with some raucous laughter, as well as a couple of quieter moments. Rosie Wilby demonstrated the

Ginger and Black

promise of an excellent Fringe show to come, with sharp gags, soft delivery and a steady confidence that made us love her. Nick Helm’s energy was infectious and a great way to start the night, and Rich Heap’s low energy high laughter set never let a moment pass without a tear of mirth at somebody’s eye. Headliners Ginger and Black were excellent, with their caustic songs cutting straight to the funny bone.

And The Devil May Drag You Under The devil greeted us inside a church and told us we were in hell. Thus began the burlesque cabaret that is part Circus of Horrors and part straightforward cabaret spectacle. With each act assessed by the audience as to whether it deserved to escape to heaven or stay in hell, and reactions to the show encouraged, the devil certainly dragged you in. Highlights included the fantastic and funny Frisky and Mannish musical, although sometimes some of the other acts spoke so fast it was difficult to catch every word in the acoustics of this lovely setting. Fletch At St Andrews, 4 May

★★★★✩ Victoria Nangle

Rob Deering, p28

25 Stage A candlelit Requiem, not to be missed

26 Film Zachary Quinto on the logic of Star Trek

28 Comedy Rob Deering talks about women

Komedia, 30 April

28 Art

★★★★✩

Dragonfly House throws open its doors

Anna DeAngelo

29 Kids & events Puppets inspire at The Parlure Spiegeltent

Hot review of the week Pappy’s Fun Club With the joy and enthusiasm that is their trademark, the comedy sketch group took to the stage, prompting a packed audience into moments of hysterics and pretty much non stop laughter. Mixing some new ideas from their run up to the Edinburgh Festival with proven favourites from last year’s sell out show, Matthew, Brendan, Ben and Tom delivered an evening of sparkle that allowed us glimpses of the next show in a somewhat raw but still delightful form. Delicious creativity in action. Upstairs at 3 and 10, 1 May

★★★★★ Victoria Nangle

29 Books Beryl Fenton remembered The Aviator Club Our charming camp compere – I mean captain – took us on a whistle stop tour of the some of the world’s hotspots with some very varied entertainers, enjoying equally varied degrees of success. It started well with some great 30s flapper girls, and quickly moved through to less successful acts such as Piff the Magic Dragon’s comic routine from Honnalee, and the Indian rope trick act, which involved a bewildered member of the audience. Highlights were the trapeze artists and the constant jazz quartet. The Parlure, 2 May

30 Music Discover the roots of rumba

3 0 Clubs Where to aim when throwing your shapes

34 Gay The 4 Poofs are coming to Brighton Fringe

36 Television All you need to know about this week’s telly

★★★✩✩ Lynne Edwards

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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As seen on ‘Channel 4’s Embarrassing Bodies’

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STAGE 25

Flower girl Dame Julie Andrews’ great niece to play Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady he classic multi award-winning musical loved by generations is to be staged at Theatre Royal Brighton in a revival by local musical theatre company Brighton Theatre Group, following their sell-out productions of Oliver! and The Full Monty last year. This timeless story of bachelor linguistics professor Henry Higgins’ bet to turn a cockney flower girl into a social butterfly was immortalised in the film by the legendary Rex Harrison and Audrey Hepburn, and is poised for a remake with Keira Knightly as Eliza – such is its appeal. Glorious show stopping numbers including I’ve Grown Accustomed To Her Face, Wouldn’t it be Loverly, I Could Have Danced All Night, The Rain in Spain, Get Me To The Church On Time and countless others are matched by innovative choreography guaranteeing this fresh, true and revived production will simply delight. Leading lady Rosie Evans, 18, from Brighton who plays Eliza Doolittle said, ‘I am delighted to be playing Eliza Doolittle in Brighton Theatre Group’s production of My Fair Lady in June. It’s a dream come true to tread the boards at Theatre Royal Brighton in such a wonderful role.

Candlelit class Karl Jenkins’ modern Requiem in the classic grandeur of St Bartholomews arl Jenkins’ international best-selling Requiem is being performed in a special candlelit performance, along with a professional orchestra and soloists. Supported by Legal & General, the show runs on Saturday 16 May ‘09 at 9pm in the wonderful setting of St Bartholomew’s Church, Ann Street, as part of the composer’s 65th birthday celebrations and the Brighton Fringe Festival.

Stage listings Tuesday 12 May to Monday 25 May Brighton Dome 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Finklestein’s Castle One man operatic thriller •12–13 May, 8pm, £10 The Art of not looking back Comissioned dance piece. physical and complex. •14–15 May 8pm £6-18.50 Calefax Reed Quintet Music across eight centuries from the Renaissance to the Jazz age. •18 May, 1pm, £8 Mobilis in Mobili Can Captain Nemo harvest enough dance neutralinos to power his dance?. •19 May, 9pm, £4 Mahler: Sixth Symphony Mozart Concerto No. 18 and Mahler Symphony No. 6. •22 May, 8pm, £10–30

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com

Saucy Jack And The Space Vixens Futuristic musical theatre, saving the world with the power of disco! •13-16 May 7.30pm, £10 Babe the Sheep Pig Based on the best-selling book by Dick King Smith, family entertainment. • 17 May, 2.30pm ,£12

‘After ‘A’ levels I hope to study classical music and opera and plan to spend time in Italy studying the language and working towards my ultimate ambition - to sing opera professionally. ‘We have a tradition of musical theatre in my family - my Great Aunt, Dame Julie Andrews, played Eliza Doolittle on Broadway and has been really supportive. She lives in California and unfortunately won’t be able to come to Brighton for the show but has given me some great advice. My family and I celebrated last Christmas in New York with Julie’s daughter Emma, and although Julie wasn’t with us she sent me an email offering great pearls of wisdom, mainly about how to protect my voice from the rigours of such a demanding role. She has advised me to pace myself during rehearsal so as not to over work my voice as it is a tough role combining the cockney accent and the ‘screaming’ of Eliza with the ‘pure’ singing required following the transformation from flower girl to lady.’ My Fair Lady, Theatre Royal, New Road, Brighton. Tue 2 – Sat 6 June Eves 7.45pm, Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm. Box Office 08700 606 650 (bkg fee). Groups Hotline 08700 602 516. Access Bookings 0844 871 7677 (bkg fee) Tickets £14 - £23. www.ambassadortickets.com/brighton

On its release, Karl Jenkins’ poignant mass for the souls of the dead went straight to the top of the classical charts, featuring on TV, the Classical Brit Awards and Classic FM’s Hall of Fame. The pounding hip-hop rhythms of the Dies Irae have even provided the soundtrack to a Lynx commercial. Drawing once again on Eastern influences, Jenkins has incorporated Japanese haiku poems into his narrative, as well as using the ancient Japanese flute or shakuhachi within the orchestration. In combining these exotic elements with more traditional Latin texts, the composer has produced a work of extraordinary emotion and power which has captured the imaginations of both singers and listeners to become one of the most performed choral works of recent times, only serving as further confirmation of his standing as one of the foremost choral composers of the day. This is truly a Candlelit Classic not to be missed! Saturday 16 May ‘9pm St Bartholomew’s Church, Ann Street Advanced tickets £13 (£10 concessions) from the Dome Box Office on 01273 709709

Wallenstein World premiere. A victim of his own military success, Wallenstein believes he alone can bring peace to the Empire. • 22 May–13 June, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm 30 May, 3, 6, 11 and 13 June. No shows 24, 31 May and 7 June, £26.50

Theatre Royal

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

Worthing: Connaught Theatre

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Dreamboats and Petticoats Musical theatre based around the bestselling album. • 18–23 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat, £16–25

01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk My Fair Lady Worthing Musical Comedy Society present the musical based on Pygmalion • 18–23 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £11–17

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Pete and Me Dark comedy based on the life of Peter Cook • 14–16 May,7.45pm plus 2.30pm Sat, £13.50–16.50 Menopause The Musical All singing, all dancing comedy starring Cheryl Baker, celebrating women. 70s, 80s and 90s hits. • 18-23 May, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £13.50–19.50

01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Annie Sussex Musical Productions present the popular musical set during the Depression in NYC • 12–16 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £11–15 (Tuesday sold out)

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal A View From The Bridge Arthur Miller’s Classic set in 1950s Brooklyn. • 18–24 May, 7.45pm, £32–35

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Taking Sides A conductor becomes a post-war target for interrogations as a Nazi sympathiser. • 12 May–16 May, contact venue for times/£ Collaboration Exploring the artistic partnership between a writer and composer in 1931. • 12–16 May, contact venue for show times/£ Cyrano de Bergerac Legendary 17th century tail of secrets and passion. • 12–30 May, 7pm, £10–24

Visit www.thelatest.co.uk for complete theatre listings over the festival period.

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26 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 12

Thursday 14

17 AGAIN (12A) 1.00, 6.00 CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15

ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 11.30, 1.15, 2.45, 4.30, 6.00, 7.45, 8.45

CORALINE (PG) 9.30

CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15

FROST/NIXON (15) 8.45

CORALINE (PG) 9.30

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 3.30, 8.30

FIGHTING (15) 8.45

THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00

GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 10.40, 1.00, 3.30, 6.00

STAR TREK (12A) 2.00, 5.00, 8.00, 9.00 STATE OF PLAY (12A) 2.30, 5.15, 8.15

THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 11.30, 2.00, 4.30, 7.00

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.15, 1.15, 3.00, 3.15, 4.15, 5.45, 6.15, 7.15, 8.30, 9.15

STAR TREK (12A) 11.00, 12.20, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00

Wednesday 13

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 8.45

CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.15, 3.15, 6.15, 9.15

CORALINE (PG) 9.30

VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 10.30am

FIGHTING (15) 8.45 GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00

Films showing Friday 15–Monday 18 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 2.30, 5.15, 8.15 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.15, 1.15, 3.00, 3.15, 4.15, 5.45, 6.15, 7.15, 8.30, 9.15

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 12

Friday 15

CHERI (15) 2.00, 4.15, 9.30

SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 3.30, 8.30

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 11.00am

Saturday 16

CHERI (15) 2.00, 4.15, 6.30, 9.00 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 11.00am

Thursday 14 CHERI (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 1.00, 3.30

Sunday 17 SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 4.00, 9.00 TIS AUTUMN (15) 11.00am

Monday 18 SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 3.30, 8.30

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 12 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.00, 2.20, 5.00, 8.20 THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.10, 3.50, 6.20, 9.00 THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 1.20, 4.00, 6.30 STAR TREK (12A) 11.40, 1.30, 2.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.30, 8.30, 9.20

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.10, 6.00, 6.50, 8.00, 8.40, 9.30

Thursday 14 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 12.15, 2.15, 3.15, 5.15, 6.15, 8.15, 9.15 CORALINE (PG) 12.00, 2.20, 5.00, 8.20

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.50

THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.10, 3.50, 6.20

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.10, 6.00, 6.50, 8.00, 8.40, 9.30

STAR TREK (12A) 11.40, 1.30, 2.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.30, 8.30

Wednesday 13

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 8.50

CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.00, 2.20, 5.00, 8.20

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.10, 6.00, 6.50, 8.00, 8.40, 9.30

THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 1.10, 3.50, 6.20, 9.00

What’s on this week

Star Trek (12A) Dir: JJ Abrams From Kirk (Chris Pine) brawling in a bar to the final assembly of the crew we know and love – Spock (Heroes’ Zachary Quinto), Bones (Karl Urban), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) – this is how they came to be boldy going where no one had gone before. And, of course, a battle with Romulan Nero (Eric Bana) to show their true mettle. Lush. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Angels & Demons (12A) Dir: Ron Howard Tom Hanks is back in this Da Vinci Code prequel (although director Ron Howard has spoken out naming it more a sequel than a prequel), summoned to the Vatican City to investigate a murder ominously tied to the Illuminati. With many more twists and turns, secret codes and flying-bythe-seat-of-your-pants mad dashes to save someone you can bet this is more of the same successful formula. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Fighting (15) Dir: Dito Montiel Channing Tatum (that dashing fellow from teen flick She’s The Man) is Shawn, a man who comes to New York with nothing and finds himself drawn into the unsavory world of bare-knuckle fighting. The punches in the ring are the least of the dodges he finds he has to pull just to survive, culminating in the fight of his life. Showing at Odeon

Synecdoche, New York (15) Dir: Charlie Kaufman The directorial debut of acclaimed writer Kaufman, the man behing Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, is unsurprisingly ambitious. Philip Seymour Hoffman is Caden, a director whose wife leaves him and new relationship runs aground. So he runs off to New York to put on a stage play of brutal honesty. Showing at Duke Of York’s

MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE TO AFRICA

STAR TREK (12A) 2.00, 5.00, 8.00, 9.00

Wednesday 13

L7 lowdown

The Hannah Montana Movie (U) Dir: Peter Chelsom Miley Cyrus hits the big screen with her small screen persona of Hannah Montana – the hitmaker with the dual personality. Putting aside the believability factor that a wig maketh a master of disguise, fooling even her best friends, this is harmless summer fodder for the Disney-cravers. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon X-Men Origins: Wolverine (12A) Dir: Gavin Hood Hugh Jackman reprises his role as Wolverine, telling his story as it leads up to the beginning of the first XMen film. With plenty of superpowered action and some excellent mean’n’moody from Liev Schreiber, not forgetting the mysterious Project X, this will knock your socks off. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Tis Autumn (15) Dir: Raymond De Felitta Documentary of the much respected but largely unheralded jazz singer Jackie Paris. Having opened for Lenny Bruce, been admired by Ella Fitzgerald and Nat King Cole and declared dead in 1977, Raymond De Felitta investigated further when he heard that Paris was planning a comeback. Showing at Duke Of York’s Cheri (15) Dir: Stephen Frears Set in 1920s Paris, Rupert Friend (Keira Knightley’s main squeeze) plays the son of a courtesan who retreats into a fantasy world after being forced to break off a relationship with an older woman. Also starring Kathy Bates and Michelle Pfeiffer. Nominated for the Golden Berlin Bear. Showing at Duke Of York’s

Films showing Friday 15–Monday 18

THE HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE (U) 1.20, 4.00, 6.30

FIGHTING

STAR TREK (12A) 11.40, 1.30, 2.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.30, 8.30, 9.20

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.50

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 12–Thurs 14

Saturday 16

THE GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST (12A) 8.00

HOTEL FOR DOGS (U) 10.15am

Tues 12–Thurs 14

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

STATE OF PLAY (12A) 7.30

Fighting

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Spock’s a hero Zachary Quinto on donning the pointy ears as Spock in the new Star Trek film directed by Lost’s J J Abrams Did you actually lobby for the role? First of all. It was a sort of unintentional campaign that I ended up involved in. I was doing press for Heroes just as JJ [Abrams] was about to make the movie and a journalist from my hometown newspaper asked me if there was any other project I’d be interested in. I mentioned how much I would enjoy playing Spock in this new direction of the franchise. But then the article got syndicated and subsequently other journalists who were interviewing me about Heroes were asking about Star Trek. So, it was something that happened very unintentionally, but also sort of organically in that regard. Are there pros and cons for taking such an iconic role in a similar genre to the one you’ve already had your television break in? I think we exist now in a different time than the one in which the original series was created. I think there’s less of a stigma attached to science fiction now than there was 40 years ago, and I also think

people’s attention span has diminished greatly in that amount of time. So, the notion of an actor inextricably associated with a character that they play now seems to be a little bit less of a phenomenon than maybe when Leonard [Nimoy] and Mr Shatner took these roles and created them. And I also feel like it’s incumbent upon me to make sure that I have the kind of career that I want. And the kind of career that I want is one of longevity and diversity, so now I begin that part of the journey and hopefully this is a platform to let me do that. The Heroes nature of science fiction, and

“There’s less of a stigma attached to sci-fi now” then Star Trek is kind of an organic progression for me as well. I’m just glad to be a part of something that I’m genuinely excited about and still really proud to be a part of. With all of the memorable performances given by Kirk and Spock and the rest of the crew, how do you approach the role of Spock? As a re-invention, an homage, or a parody?

Win cinema tickets to a film of your choice at the Odeon Brighton For a chance to win this week’s tickets, answer this question: Who played Captain Kirk in the original TV series of Star Trek? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Star Trek’ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page three. Closing date for entries is Monday 25 May. The winner will get a pair of tickets to see a film of their choice. Proof of age may be required.

Well, I had the great advantage of working closely with Leonard [Nimoy] during this process. From the very beginning he was so available to me and very supportive and welcoming. He gave me such creative freedom, really. I didn’t feel any sense of expectation or pressure from him. And that was enormously helpful as a resource. Also, to just have a personal experience of the impact this character had on his life, and the impact his life had on this character. So, I feel like all of us were given the mandate to really use what came before us as a point of entry for our own interpretations of these characters and our own relationships to them in the world that this film puts them in. So, for me it was just about selfdiscovery. And I think I can speak for everyone when I say that that was an incredibly rewarding way to work and we have JJ to thank for that and certainly each other to rely on through it.

You were the only one to have the original character you play on the set, in the form of Leonard Nimoy. Did that bring any extra pressure on you as an actor? Did you ever feel like asking him not to watch? No, no, no. In fact it was the opposite of that. I felt like he was reassuring to me and it actually removed any sense of pressure and anxiety that I might have had otherwise to have him available and involved and clearly supportive and excited. It was a very profound experience for me because I don‘t think Leonard ever expected to play this character again. It had been 19 years since he’d donned the ears last time, and I think for him this was a real opportunity not only for him to play the character again, but to be integrally involved in the passage of the mantle. That for me was an incredible honour and certainly one that I will cherish for years to come. Star Trek showing at local cinemas now.

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28 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle has a chat with the award-winning comic with the charming ‘smile’ Rob Deering Life Drawing Patrick O’Donnell

Vicky: How would you describe the show? Rob: It’s a balance between being a feminist and being a ladies man. I’m kind of like – I’m not really a lad, although sometimes people think I am. And I am quite likely to be the kind of person to say – “Hell-ooo ladies!”. So, on the other hand, I disapprove of, let’s say for example Nuts magazine. I haven’t described that very clearly. V: So you would like to be a ladies man but you actually sympathise too much with women? R: Yeah, that’s true – but I don’t know if I do sympathise with women because a lot of them aren’t very good feminists themselves. Not in this day and age. These youngsters – they don’t remember the day. You know, it’s time for us to rise again once more sisters. V: They don’t know they’re born, do they? R: Yeah. Well, they know they’re born because they start doing Botox. V: They want to look like they’ve just been born. R: Right. And this is coming from me – and I look like a baby. V: Whose boobs are in the picture in the poster? R: Ah, yeah. I felt quite uncomfortable about that because obviously it was supposed to be quite a pro feminine non bad body fascism slant to the show and yet I basically found a library photo of a woman I would never pay or meet and cut off her face (laughs). It seems hypocritically harsh. V: They are quite memorable. R: I think I’m the only person in Britain who’s not disturbed by that picture. But everyone ever since has gone – ooh, ‘ello! (chuckles). I think I definitely overshot and silliness slipped into disturbing with that image. But that’s okay, it’s a great conversation starter. V: It doesn’t look like your sister or your mother or anyone? R: My mum reckons it looks like her, but I don’t think that’s accurate. Or maybe I don’t want to know or think about that.

Thursday 14 Gone Are The Days Having been a well-known child film star David Buble finds himself out of luck, money, friends and sanity. Also on Friday. Marlborough Bar & Theatre, 6:30pm, £5/3.50.

Wednesday 13 Last Bus To Whitehawk Radio Show Terry Garoghan looks back at his cult late-night radio show. Komedia, 9.15pm, £10

Friday 15 Krater Comedy Club The home of Brighton comedy and winner of Chortle’s ‘Best

The Dragonfly House on Ditchling Rise have over twenty artists and makers showing over two floors and the garden, from hand-built ceramics for the garden by Kathy Laird to the ever popular button jewellery by Joy Fox. Other jewellers working in more traditional materials include Becky Crow, Hannah Brooks and Davina Dunn. You can view and buy original paintings by Hilary Stewart, Betty Bib and Patrick O’Donnell who also has a selection of life drawings and etchings. Some of Brighton’s best ceramicists, Stacey ManserKnight, Angela Evans and Katherine Moreton are exhibiting their highly original work. Birds in metal by Marc Gregory and others in paper by Gemma Rees will also be flying around this very special award-winning house. www.beyond-the-level.org.uk or www.48dr.co.uk

Blank Studios 108 North Street, Portslade Sonic Art Curated by sound artist and arts technologist Mike Blow, Sonic Art explores the use of sound in art, through recorded work, installations, new instruments and visualisations, showcasing 11 sound artists from UK and abroad. • 7–30 May, Thurs–Sun, 1–8pm

Comedy listings Mental! Brain tricks and other pseudopsychic nonsense. Also, Wednesday and at 11.55pm on Friday and Saturday. Quadrant, 9pm, £5/4.

A popular and unique Artists’ Open House is opening its doors once again

Art listings

Rob Deering: Boobs 2008, at Fletch @ St Andrew’s, Friday 15 May and Saturday16 May, 8pm, £12/10.

Tuesday 12

High flyers

Comedy Venue in the South’ award six years running. Also on Saturday and Sunday. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10

Sunday 17 Laughing Horse and the Great Big Comedy Picnic Three very different comedians. A buffet of laughter, served nightly for one week only. Also on Monday. Quadrant, 10:45pm, free.

Fabrica Duke Street, Brighton Anish Kapoor Works by the Brighton Festival guest artistic director. •Until 24 May, 12–8pm every day (11pm on 17 May)

Regency Town House 13 Brusnwick Square, Hove Selector’s Choice Exhibition based on the theme of ‘House’ and featuring artists from the

Artists’ Open Houses. 16/17, 23/24 May, 12–6pm

•Until 30 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Permanent Gallery

De La Warr Pavilion

Bedford Place, Brighton 01273 710389 Ocean Mims: Things For Here, Now and There Mims questions and celebrates the materials and products of mass-produced domestic design. •2 May–7 June, Thurs, Fri & Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

Bexhill-on-sea 01424 229111 Susan Collins:Seascape New body of work by this artist who combines digital technologies with the classical traditions of English landscape painting. •Until 14 June, open every day, 10am–6pm

Lighthouse Ink_d Gallery North Road, Brighton 01273 645299 Modern Toss Cartoonists and ripe-language pioneers from Brighton. Their latest exhibition features screenprints, letterpress prints, moving things built from string and wood and a 100 year-old calendar.

28 Kensington Street, 01273 647197 Billy Cowie A 3D film installation, Ghosts in the Machine, that combines specialised techniques of stereoscopic filmmaking with inventive dance choreography. •Until 31 May, Wed–Sun 12–6pm

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Write club

Events highlights Sugar sweet Brighton Racecourse will attract those with a sweet tooth by hosting a Sugarcraft Exhibition this Saturday 16 May. All the work is done with sugar, so expect sweet displays depicting popular sites including Brighton Pavilion. There will be demonstrations with the chance to get handson, plus trade stands and competitions. Come and discover the art of sugarcraft. Sugarcraft Exhibition at Brighton Racecourse, Sat 16 May, 10am–4.30pm, £4.75 on the door or £4.25 from Brighton Festival Fringe booking office on 01273 709709. More info at www.region8bsg.co.uk

Master of puppets The Parlure Spiegeltent present a delightful children’s show The Man Who Planted Trees starting next Tuesday 19 May. Presented by Puppet State Theatre Company, this is their adaptation of Jean Giono’s classic environmental fable. This inspiring story, set in

Provence where Giono grew up, follows a French shepherd whose tireless dedication completely transforms a bleak landscape into a huge forest over a period of 40 years. Comedy, puppetry and storytelling feature, as well as multi-sensory effects of wind, mist, rain and the scents of the French countryside. This is fun for children and adults alike and the excitement isn’t fading for those behind the show either. “We’ve now done over 700 performances,” says performer Richard Medrington (Winnie the Pooh). “We seem to have struck a chord, perhaps because with current global concerns people need to hear a story that fills them with hope, or simply because the shepherd’s dog cracks everyone up.” The show has toured internationally to great critical acclaim. Don’t miss the show’s run during the Brighton Festival Fringe next week. The Man Who Planted Trees, Tuesday 19–Thursday 21 May, 4.30pm, £10/8. Book tickets on 01273 709709.

Events listings

John O’Donoghue remembers a friend who inspired those around her ast week we all met up at Woodvale. I fell in with Bernadette Cremin and Alf Wiltshire, and we took a slow walk up the hill to see off a very good friend. We used to all meet once a week, and talk about our work, and show each other our latest offerings. Our friend would always have something funny or wise to show, and in many ways she was the queen of our little scene – plain in her long straight dresses.

“She hardly ever sought to correct you, but when she did, she always did so with the lightest of touches” That upper room saw many a happy afternoon, and quite a bit of merriment afterwards. Our friend would join us sometimes for refreshments, always soft drinks, I think, and had a spryness that few of us could match. What I liked about her was her modesty. She knew she was good, but she never flaunted any ego about it. With her it was always the work, and in her company you couldn’t but improve. She hardly ever sought to correct you, but when she did she always did so with the lightest of touches. In a very busy world, our friend seemed to take a lot of slow roads, making her way delicately, tiptoeing sometimes, through the crowded streets and out to somewhere like St Ann’s Well Gardens, or perhaps the beach. We gathered that day to say goodbye. Family and friends, all united in our love for a remarkable, kind, lovely woman. To think of her still makes me laugh. I remember seeing her in Bath, surprised she had come so far, no doubt seeing friends herself while I waited for the family to get off the train. We said hello and then she was off, going to meet the Town. She always seemed so frail, our friend. As if she was somehow, whether through her great age or the weakness of her estate, a woman you could easily overlook. But that day she wasn’t – the legacy of her shone in the faces of her friends and family, and though we may miss her, we all have our own fond memories of Beryl. Beryl Fenton, actress, painter, poet 1926 – 2009

Book listings

Tuesday 12

Wednesday 13

Sunday 7

Thursday 14

Monday 18

Naturopathic Nutrition for Everyday Living A College of Naturopathic Medicine talk on naturopathic nutrition. Brighton University, 6pm–8pm, free.

Brighton and Hove Business Show 2009 Free business advice and information seminars throughout the day. Hove Centre, 12pm–8pm

Book Launch and Signing The launch of Emily Ball’s book ‘Drawing and Painting People, A Fresh Approach’ Borders, 6:30pm–7:30pm

Hammer and Tongue UK Slam Final The popular slam poetry night hosts its annual battle to crown a new beat-master! Komedia, 7:30pm, £5/4.

Training for Trainers with Comedy Improvisation Fun, hands-on seminar. www.positivecomedy.com Brighthelm Centre, 10am–4:30pm, £60/55.

Saturday 16

Delicious Raw Chocolate Workshop Learn raw chocolate/cake making. Workshop £10, kit £10. Info on 07799 531107 Coach House, 4:30pm–6:30pm, £15.

Sugarcraft Exhibition Sugar displays, competitions, demos and trade stands. Brighton Racecourse, 10am–4:30pm, £4.75/4.25.

Twas a Dark and Stormy Night Alan Felton on High Victorian Literatures, Poetry and Drama. Also taking place on the 15,16, of May. James House, 6pm–7:15pm, £6/5.

Coming up... Saturday 23 Murray Lachlan Young Modern Cautionary Tales For Children – Radio 4’s favourite poet arrives in Brighton with an

interactive show for children aged 5-10 years. Komedia, £7/5. 16 May, £6/5 Prose and Language With Susannah Waters. Looking at chosen authors and how they construct sentences and paragraphs. Jubilee Library, 10am–4pm, £50 non-members/35 members. 01273 735353 for more information.

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30 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★ Brakes

Firestarter The Firegathering Festival, nestled in the Sussex countryside, is one of the first of the season, as Jeff Hemmings reports righton’s fiercely independent threeday festival of music, arts and performance continues to grow organically year-on-year. Started in 2004 as a party for a group of like-minded friends it now features a mix of headline performers, local legends and upcoming performers. Confirmed for this year expect to see the likes of Red Snapper, Soothsayers, Saravah Soul, Baby Charles, 12 Stone Toddler, Shona Foster, The Adventurists, Los Albertos, The Amigos, Syd Arthur, Gypsy Squat Pop Project, Man Ray Sky, Droptear Modelmaker and many other quality acts that span the musical spectrum but which are a little bit alternative, a little bit offbeat, but all perfect for a festival setting that takes in the beautiful countryside. But it’s not just about music. “This year we are pushing for more circus and cabaret performers. We’ve secured an excellent big top with trapeze rigging and tiered seating,” says Spam, one of the organisers. Featured on the BBC’s Culture Show last year, The Firegathering also hosts the 3rd Heaven Cabaret, featuring comedy, burlesque magic; and Sports Day – full of costumed athletics which gets bigger and madder each year, and the annual fancy dress

B news ▲

Escape plan It’s the week of The Great Escape, the three day and night showcase of some of the best up and coming talent from around the globe, plus a few veterans of the music scene. Last minute additions include former Lemonhead Evan Dando, Patrick Wolf, Brakes, Noah and The Whale and Metric. Three-day tickets or one-day tickets are still available, giving you access to over 300 bands in over 30 venues. www.escapegreat.com

▲

Alternative route There’s loads of events during The Great Escape, making it a bit of minefield of difficult decision making. But if americana is your thing then the options during the three-day bash are thin on the ground. However, The Lost Highway are organising a special gig at The Fortune of War, featuring some of their flagship acts including Hey Negrita, Matthew Ord and Jon Byrne alongside Two Fingers of Firewater, The Cedars and Brighton’s own Sweet Sweet Lies. It’s part of The Alternative Escape which means you don’t have to have a wristband to get in, plus it’s free! The Lost Highway, Thursday 14 May, The Fortune of War, Brighton.

Anthemic indie rockers. Tuesday 16 June, Concorde 2

the

Big

Athlete

gig

parade. Situated on an idyllic farm midway between Brighton and London (which in days gone by was an important recording studio, hosting the likes of Queen, Portishead, The Smiths and Oasis) the site will be studded with art installations and nature trails and spacious camping facilties. The whole event is powered by green energy. The Firegathering is a Community Interest Company (CIC), run for love rather than profit, but nevertheless organised with a great deal of attention to detail, including the locally sourced food and drink stalls. Ticket prices are low and there won’t be a mobile phone store in sight! So what’s Spam looking forward to the most? “A sunny afternoon with a field of happy campers with a pint of golden ale in my hand”. The Firegathering, 22–24 May www.thefiregathering.co.uk

UPCOMING GIGS Kimya Dawson 19 May, Komedia Dizzy Gillespie All Stars 21 May, Concorde 2 Antony and the Johnsons 21 May, Dome Counting Crows 24 May, Brighton Centre Kristin Hersh 27 May, Duke of Yorks Terry Callier 28 May, Coalition Shapeshifter 28 May, Concorde 2 Handsome Family 29 May, De La Warr Manic Street Preachers 2 June, Dome Florence & The Machine 2 June, Concorde 2 Camille O’Sullivan 5 June, Dome UFO 9 June, Concorde 2 Orbital 10 June, Dome Katy Perry 11 June, Dome De La Soul 12 June, Concorde 2 The Damned 13 June, Corn Exchange

Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Athlete 16 June, Concorde 2 Billy Bragg 17 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Answer 24 June, Concorde 2 The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Georgie Fame 26 June, Dome Ozamatli 1 July, Concorde 2 Freak Power 10 July, Concorde 2 Loop 11-12 July, Victoria Gardens Beachdown 28-31 August Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Hockey 1 October, Digital Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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MUSIC 31

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 12 to Monday 18 May

Tuesday 12 900 Spaces + Tics Prince Albert, 8pm, free. African Night Fever Presents: Africa Unite Sizzling West-African beats, High Life and AfroReggae. Parlure Spiegeltent, 7.30pm, £8/7. Charlotte Glasson Band and Shadowdance Influenced by gypsy jazz, ska and New Orleans brass. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/4. Jean-Efflam Bavouzet Pavilion Theatre, 1pm, £8. Katy Boyd Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/3. Orquesta Aragón Dome, 8pm, £10–£22.50. South Of Satan Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5. Spirit of Gravity Vs Planet Mu with Tim Exile A night of sonic adventure and machine music madness. Komedia, 8pm, £7/5. Uni Unsigned Showcase of fresh talent from Brighton Uni. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £tbc.

Wednesday 13 Alice Russell. Parlure Spiegeltent, 8pm, £13/11. Amandine Savary: piano Pavilion Theatre, 1pm, £8. Bitter Ruin + Support Explosive acoustic duo. Latest Music Bar, 8.30pm, £5/4. Britbus Showcase with The Pretty Suspects + Floors & Walls + The Perils + Rob The Rich + Die Vibes + Ice Black Birds Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £6/4. Club NME with The Perils + Max Raptor Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free. Liane Carroll Trio Zesty Liane’s style gives a huge range of soul, jazz and pop. Komedia, 8.30pm, £14/12. Ruderalis + Son of Robot + Zeroes Make Heroes Prince Albert, 8pm, free. So Like Costello Hanbury Club, 7pm, £6/8.

Thursday 14 Butchered Beats + Trip + Bashy Breakbeat, D’n’B, Grime and Indie. Revenge, 7.30pm, wristband entry. Great Escape Festival 3 days, 34 venues, over 300 of the freshest talent from the live music scene to treat your senses to. For full listings check www.thelatest.co.uk/7 Just Jack Brighton Coalition, 9.45pm, wristband entry. Kap Bambino + Chew Lips + An Experiment On A Bird In The Air Pump + S.C.U.M Punk, Gothic, Alternative and Indie. The Hope, 8pm, wristband entry. Lady Carol Of The Moon Ukulele-playing, husky songbird! St Andrew's, 6.45pm, £10/8. Blue Man Group Whirlpool drumming, marshmallow throwing and paint spitting. A must see! Brighton Centre, 7.30pm, £39.50. This Tawdry Affair + Emmy The Great + Evan Dando Gothic, Folk, Pop and Rock. Digital, 7.30pm, wristband entry.

Friday 15 Beth Jeans Houghton + Smoke Fairies +

Broken Records + Noah & The Whale Indie, Folk, Country, Blues and Pop. The Old Market, 7.15pm, wristband entry. Cuckoo Savante Live Irish bunch. Marlborough Bar & Theatre, 11pm, £5. Dark Horses Feat Emiliana Torrini + Gurrumul + Ane Brun Pop, Lo-Fi, Roots and Folk. St George's Church, 10pm, wristband entry. F**K DJ set Folk, Pop, Electronica and Indie. Corn Exchange, 11.30pm, wristband entry. Great Escape Festival For full listings check www.thelatest.co.uk/7 Junkstar Psychotronic indie popsters, hailing from London. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £4. Los Albertos The Brunswick, 8pm, £6. Mumford and Sons + Metronomy + Holy The Charlatans Alt rockers.Brighton Coalition, 9.45pm, wristband entry. The Slackers Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5.

Saturday 16 Del Bromham’s Stray Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £5. Enter Shikari + Bang Bang Eche + LightsGoBlue + DJ Pdex Rock, Punk, Electro, Progressive, D’n’B and Dub. Concorde 2, 12.20pm, wristband entry. Gloria Cycles + Little Comets + Kid British Indie, Ska, Fusion and Electro-Pop. Ocean Rooms, 8.15pm, wristband entry. Great Escape Festival For full listings check www.thelatest.co.uk/7 Jacquemo Live Ranging from ska, surf to provocative film music. The Brunswick, 8pm, £6. Kasabian Midlands rockers. Dome, 7pm, £22.50. Rogues + Fight Like Apes + The Soft Pack + Hockey Electro, Pop, Indie, Rock and New Wave. Audio, 7.30pm, wristband entry. Supper Club with The Filthy Six Soul jazz, funk and boogaloo. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £28/22.

Orquesta Aragón When slavery brought Africa to Cuba, traditional rhythms fused with Latin melodies and from this came son, danzon, chacha-cha and mambo. Africans then re-imported these styles in the 50s and 60s, and Congolese rumba and soukous were born! In a double header featuring Orquesta Aragon and Mose Fan Fan & Bayeke Rumba OK, this Afro-Latin circle of influence from the dancehalls of Havana to the streets of Kinshasa is traced... Tuesday 12 May, Brighton Dome Alice Russell Brighton soul singer with a big voice and personality to match. Very popular here and abroad, she was originally on the local Tru Thoughts label releasing a stream of good time, up-for-it soul slammers with the occasional ballad thrown in. She’s got a big band in tow, and this will surely be a highlight of the Spiegeltent. Local soul boy Mike Mayfield is in support. Wednesday 13 May, The Parlure Spiegeltent So Like Costello According to local musician Kit Ashton, Elvis Costello has given his personal approval to Kit Ashton’s Brighton Festival Fringe event So Like Costello, an evening devoted to one of her finest and most prolific songwriters of the post-punk generation. The house band (dubbed ‘The Attractives’ just for the night) will be joined by guest musicians including Paul Steel, Stuart Flynn, Glen Richardson, Ralph Brown (the actor and man behind Brighton Beach Boys) Felicity Birch, Jordan Smith

(Xcerts), jazz pianist Mark Edwards and Kit Ashton himself. Wednesday 13 May, Hanbury Ballroom Los Albertos New album, Dish It Up, is being dropped this week, and they will be making hay at their launch bash. Always a guaranteed good night out, their up tempo fusion of ska, funk, punk and party beats rarely lets up, thanks to a tight horn section and some superb musicianship throughout. Friday 15 May, Brunswick The Slackers & Meow Meows American ska outfit whose brand of old school Jamaican ska (mixed with pinches of rocksteady, dub and soul) is finding audiences here in the UK. Formed in 91 they are a prolific and hard-gigging bunch signed to Hellcat Records. Brighton’s Meow Meows finally get around to releasing their debut album, and this is their first gig of 2009. Friday 15 May, Engine Room Bon Iver From a run down shack in the backwaters of the USA to the sumptuous interiors of the Dome, Bon Iver (Justin Vernon) has made an altogether unlikely and very speedy trip. All on the back of the one album (which he recorded in the ‘shack’), For Emma, Forever Ago, a suite of haunting, bleak, fragile yet beautiful songs that has captured the imagination of the public and critics alike. Monday 18 May, Brighton Dome

Sunday 17 Batafon Live! + Matoke Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Beachy Head Music Club Brighton jazz pop septet. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £8/5. Exerpts Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5. Marcina and The Love Rats Rhythmic melodies and folk jazz. The Brunswick, 8pm, £6. The Mountain Firework Company Soulful melodic contemporary folk. St Andrew's, 5.30pm, £10/8.

Monday 18 Bon Iver With The Acorn. Dome, 8pm, £17.50/10 Breakthrough with Rough Trade featuring Rob The Rich + Yves Klein Blue + The Fresh Kills + The Pursuit Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4. Melt Banana Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5. Jaime Pettit

Bon Iver

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032_LS423 reviews/chart

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32 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases olour It in, The Maccabees debut album of 2007 was one of the albums of the year, a wondrous collection of angular and rhythmically propulsive songs written by young men intent on expressing their ideas and ideals of love. Now that the initial euphoria of listening to future classics such as ‘First Love’ and ‘Precious Time’ has worn off a little, it’s down to the business of the second album and the possibility of extending their career beyond the initial excitement. Wall of Arms ups the rhythmic dynamics, harbouring slightly darker hues, lyrically and musically. But there is an oddness about this record – the production doesn’t enable the songs to really jump put this time, there is a uniformity of style, and it’s difficult to pick one song out from another. Saying that, its consistently good. Graham Coxon has been listening to plenty of late 60s and early 60s folk, hippy and acoustic roots music of late. Coxon’s abrasive, punkish tones have suddenly moved out of the way for psychedelic flourishes throughout The Spinning Top. From the Nick Drakesque opener ‘Look Into The Light’ via the hippy sounds of ‘In The Morning’ (sitar, tabla and birdsong all included), he sounds like Clive Palmer from The Incredible String Band. Pretty good in a dodgy plagiarist kind of way, and of course Coxon is a rare beast in that he’s actually a very good guitar player. There are some classic Coxon/Blur moments in songs such as ‘If You Want Me’, but overall, a real departure and, on balance, a good one. Four albums in 36 years isn’t much of a work rate (although of course they didn’t exist between 1977 and 2004…), but for some, waiting for the new New York Dolls album is worth it. The original glam punks, whose simple rhythm and blues recipe of Iggy minced up with the Stones, may look well craggy (David Johansen and Sylvain Sylvain are the only originals left) but Cause I Sez So is surprisingly effective. They take rock’n’roll back to its roots, supply melodies within their basic verse chorus verse songs, and crucially don’t try too hard to rock out and compete with the more agile amongst us. Doing it on their own terms Sonic Boom Six have built up an impressive fanbase over the years, lapping up their hi-octane ska, metal and rap hybrid. Their left-wing, and socially aware songs are pragmatic, and full of positivity, and in City of Thieves they have produced another excellent work.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Mr Resonate – Brighton Bubblin feat. Lionheart ★ 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

North Laine – Sometimes Jaybee – my imaginary friend Kontour – Necromance North Laine – Crys Digitalis – No Control Chaos Borne – I Will Mr Resonate – The Opposite vibe feat. North Laine & Lionheart 9 Tenek – State Of Mind 10 Tubba 3 Ply – Gerhard North Laine commands the urban takeover this week as two of his deep and politically motivated hip hop tracks claim top 5 slots, plus a vocal feature on the ‘Opposite Vibe’ at eight! However it’s Mr resonate’s lyrical collaboration with Lionheart that keeps Jaybee at three and Kontour at four. 11 Tenek If I Should Fall – ep version 12 Mr Resonate Say What You Mean 13 Swarf Parlour Tricks 14 Mr Resonate All That I’m Not 15 Jaybee Amen 16 Legs MC That’s It Me Dun (My retirement song) 17 Thunk Micromophone 18 Victoria Ferguson & Ben Ingall I Shouldn’t 19 The Mojo Fins Always Now 20 Mr Resonate The Opposite Vibe 21 Chaos Borne Watching 22 Alien 6 Angel (Radio edit) 23 Kings Of The Wild Front Ear Shop Til You Drop 24 sMs I’m Sorry Dave 25 Chaos Borne The Moment

26 The Mystic Wizards Armageddon 27 The Woo!worths Konichiwa (dem oh) 28 Scribe-Tribe – Marz,Teejan Adams, Ben Hadden No 1 Can Stop Me 29 White Star Liners Tyre Pressure Was The Least Of His Worries 30 Jak Raven Book 31 Jaybee Crazy Pearl 32 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 33 Jaybee Sweet Savage 34 sMs A New Sequence 35 Tom Ayres Confidence Problem 36 Jay Pulman Last Orders 37 Indigo Star – The Pearl 38 Scribe-Tribe – The Marshan From Marz/Big Ben/Kendal Freedom 39 Ree No Time To Waste 40 The Winter Club – Liar

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ACROSS: 1 Overwork 5 Asia 9 Apple 10 Idiotic 11 Practitioner 13 Larder 14 Finest 17 Cabinet-maker 20 Incisor 21 Ixtle 22 Gent 23 Thank you. DOWN: 1 Oval 2 Emperor 3 Wretchedness 4 Raisin 6 Satin 7 Accurate 8 Civilisation 12 Blacking 15 Erectly 16 Starch 18 Bacon 19 Peru. Solution to Quick 193

ACROSS: 1 Slipshod 5 Ages 9 Carib 10 Cocaine 11 Masterminded 13 Masons 14 Re-open 17 Inspissation 20 Erector 21 Laugh 22 Time 23 Play-pens. DOWN: 1 Such 2 Inroads 3 Substantiate 4 Occurs 6 Grind 7 Speeding 8 Accidentally 12 Imminent 15 Produce 16 Astral 18 Steam 19 Thus. © Crossword Shop

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BARS & CLUBS 33

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 12 to Monday 18 May

Tuesday 12 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge It‘s ***King Good. Prescription cheese and chart. 10.30pm, £1 New Hero This Exists Pop culture. 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerrilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10.30pm–2am, £1–£3 Water Margin Sessions. 11pm–4am, £2/free.

Wednesday 13 Arc Life Is Easy. 10pm, free b4 12–£1 after. Audio Supercharged. A massive night of bassheavy beats and breaks with Deekline & Wizard. 11pm–2.30am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live NME bands & DJs. 10.30pm–3.30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. Unpretentious pop, electro and house. 11pm–6am, £3/2 Po Na Na Urban Chic. 10pm–3am, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful and darkside bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12–£2 after. Water Margin Forgive Me Father For I Have Synth‘d. 80s electro. 11pm–3am, £tbc

Thursday 14 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Brighton Coalition Love Blow. R‘n‘B, funky house and floor-fillers. 10.30pm–3am, £2/1 NUS. Digital The Great Escape Show After Party. Brighton‘s golden boys, The Maccabees bust out a DJ set. 11pm–4am, £4. Funky Buddha Lounge Old Kool. Classic house. 10.30pm–3am, £free–£3 Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1 New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2 Parlure Spiegeltent Swaparama Razzmatazz. Crazy clothes-swapping party playing Sixties Shakers, Pop Music and Party Classics. 10pm2.30am, £10 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. 10pm–3am, £3/2

Friday 15 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s night. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Great Escape Afterparty. Metronomy doll out a deliciously danceable DJ set. 10.30pm, £free/5 Digital Stonelove. Indie rock. 11pm–3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. Hard moshin‘ rock alternative. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Fish The Funkyfish. 10pm–3am, £5/3.50 Honey Club Blatant. Essential techno and tech house with James Harcourt. 11pm-4am, £5/7 Komedia Born Bad. A wild night of 50s rock‘n‘roll, 6Ts garage and girl groups, surf, sleaze, bop and exotica. 11pm, £6/5 New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Leading alt electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3 Ocean Rooms Dollydagger. Indie, alternative and electro bash with live bands tbc. 10pm-4am, £10/8

Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Rock‘n‘Roll mayhem. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3. Po Na Na Ice Box. House. 10pm–3am, £5/4 The Hanbury Club Club Chat Noir. Gypsy and 20s/30s Hot Swing club. 7pm–2am, £10-4 Tru Friday Nights. Playing mainstream funky house, R‘n‘B and Cheesey disco hits. 10pm–2am, £free b4 11/5 after.

Saturday 16 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10.30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL‘s Winter Sessions. House and techno. 11pm–4am, free. Digital Wax:On. With Erol Alkan. 11pm–4am, £12.50. Engine Rooms Classic Rock. 10pm–2am, £free b4 10.30/5 after. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove. 10pm–3am, £10 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music. 8pm–4am, free b4 11–£6 after. New Hero It Is Still 1985. 10pm, £3 Ocean Rooms The Great Escape Afterparty. Bopping dance pop with live bands Yes Giantess and Marina & The Diamonds. 10.30pm, free to wristband holders. Followed by: The Great Escape Late Late Late – Club Kids Afterparty. 3.30am, free. Om Bar and Club Floorgasm. The finest dirty, funky house/breaks/electro to provide a top party atmosphere. 10pm, £tbc. Pavilion Tavern Great Escape Afterparty. Alternative/rock madness with your favourite spandex-clad bunch, The Justice Force Five. 10pm–3am, £4–2. Po Na Na Silk. R‘n‘B, House. 10pm–3am, £10/5 Volks Darklight Vs Strictly Drums. 11pm–6am, £5. Water Margin Logo. 3am, £7/5

with Jaime Pettit Swaparama Razzmatazz Crazy clothes-swapping party. Expect ridiculous outfits, confusion, elation, and men fighting over frocks. DJs play Sixties Shakers, Pop Music & Party Classics, but when that klaxon sounds be prepared to lose essential clothing but gain a new treasured piece. Thursday 14 May, Parlure Spiegeltent

The Great Escape Late Late Late – Club Kids Afterparty Put down your happy meals and quit that Golden arches rave. For within the polka dot dance hut of Ocean Rooms lays a monster dayglo party. In the style of the New York club craze that was the Club Kids we whip out the neon leggings, head-pimping wigs and lashings of glitter. Expect a bosom full of sinful antics and essential electro. Saturday 16 May, Ocean Rooms

Wax:On When he‘s not part of the balearic psychedelic brotherhood, Beyond The Wizard‘s Sleeve, or creating rammed club nights that marry the electronic and the independent, they are winning Mixmag‘s DJ of the year! Do not miss this legendary live set by the man behind mash-up, Mr Erol Alkan. Saturday 16 May, Digital Darklight Vs Strictly Drums A clash of two titan D‘n‘B nights for a diamond blasting event with DJ Fresh and Lomax. Saturday 16 May, Volks

Wax:On: Erol Alkan

Swaparama Razzmatazz

Sunday 17 Arc Irie. Ragga, R‘n‘B. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1 The Open House We Change The Frequency. Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free.

Monday 18 Coalition Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe. 10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1 Om Bar and Club Spun. 8.30pm, £3 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys. 10pm–2.30am, £3/1

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34 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Make noise I nternational Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO) will be marked with a minute’s noise and the release of sky lanterns. An event will be held on Brighton seafront, at the ‘kiss wall’ on the doughnut groyne level with the end of East Street, on Sunday 17 May at 7.30pm. There will be performances by Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus and the Rainbow Chorus and speeches from Anthony Hook, Liberal Democrat candidate for European elections; Caroline Lucas MEP, Green Party; Cllr Gill Mitchell, Leader of the Labour Group, Brighton and Hove City Council; Joanna Rowland-Stuart, National Trans Officer for PCS Proud and Cllr Dee Simson, Brighton and Hove City Council cabinet member for equalities. There will be a minute’s noise in partnership with the Brighton and Hove LGBT Workers’ Forum to remember the international victims of homo, bi and transphobic violence. Attendees are encouraged to bring a flower to add to a ‘blossoming of kisses’ to remember victims of violence and inspire confidence in a hopeful future. The event will end with the release of 86 sky lanterns to represent the 86 countries which criminalise homosexuality. The city council will officially recognise IDAHO by flying the rainbow flag from Brighton and Hove town halls.

Stephen de Martin of 4 Poofs and a Piano on loving fringe, PC gone mad and why the poofs are misunderstood Can you tell us about your Brighton Fringe show? It’s an hour and a half version of our UK tour called More Hairdresser than Barber Shop. There’s a little bit of stand up, cabaret; it’s very camp. We do a bit of dancing, boy bands, a send up of the 70s dance troupe Pans People; that’s Pansy People – so it’s a tongue in cheek sort of show. We also do a serious song – ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ by Queen. There’s something for everyone. What’s the dynamic like when you work together? We’ve been working together a long time, about eight years, so it’s usually quite good. When we’re writing material or songs we go away individually and bring ideas to the group then if we like the idea we continue to work on them. We’ve got quite used to each other and we have a good laugh together most of the time.

Cllr Dee Simson

IDAHO commemorates the day in 1990 the World Health Organisation removed homosexuality from its list of mental diseases. The theme this year is End Transphobia: Respect Gender Identity. In the first few months of 2009 trans women have been murdered in Honduras, Serbia and the USA. Most cases of violence are not documented. Trans men face discrimination and prejudice despite their frequent social and cultural invisibility. Every day people who identify themselves as trans face violence, abuse, rape, torture and hate crimes.

Pride publicity A free workshop will be held this week on how to maximise publicity for Pride events and other activities. The seminar on Thursday 14 May is open to all LGBT individuals and groups. The twohour session will be led by Steve Bustin, an experienced journalist, PR consultant and trainer, who will provide useful hints and tips including what journalists need from you to enable them to give your event coverage. The course will help you to publicise what you’re up to – not

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just for Pride, but throughout the year. Learn how to communicate effectively with the media, to give your organisation or project the publicity and recognition it needs and deserves. In order to book a place, contact the Pride office by email office@brightonpride.org or by phone 01273 775939, with your name, email, telephone number, and the organisation or group you are representing (if applicable). Steve is the Brighton and South Coast reporter for The Pink Paper and also writes for Gay Times.

How do you explain the massive popularity you’ve had? First and foremost it is the Jonathan Ross Show which has been really successful and very good for us. I think we’re quite accessible as a group with women and men, although women probably love us more. The show is quite fun, we’re the guys next door you can have a laugh with and I think people like that. We’re not too political, we’re very mainstream and our audience is not particularly gay. The name is jokey but could also be quite controversial? In the beginning we upset a few people but I think as time’s gone on, people have realised we are not terrible. PC’s gone so far that you can’t say anything any more, we’ve sort of reclaimed the word in a positive way. Was the act toned down after the BBC controversy? No, it was never that risqué. I think there was a time last year when it was a little sensitive and we had to be careful, but that’s passed. Your one man show had great success, will you do it again? I really enjoyed doing that and it was great to be on my own, you learn a lot more and there’s a lot more pressure to do it right, but at the same time you don’t compromise with anybody else on stage. You’re in charge so you take the full accolade. Do you find Fringe audiences different? Yes, I think so. They’re much more open to having a laugh and more open minded. But I find that if someone’s actually purchased a ticket for something, they’ve already made a decision in their head that they’re going to like you. Our biggest problem is people know who we are on the telly but they don’t know what we’re going to do in a two-hour show, or even a one-hour show. They just think, oh, do they do whole songs? That is one of our biggest hurdles, educating people that we are much more than just a 15 second introduction. Parlure Spiegeltent, Tue 19 May, 9.45pm. 0844 8007114, www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk

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LATEST GAY 35

Gay listings Tuesday 12 to Monday 18 May Tuesday 12 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free Ghetto Quiz Alicious & Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound As A Pound. DJ LadyBex throwing out 80s, 90s, 00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a raffle prize! 10.30pm, £1 The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free. The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok – The Mile High Tour. 8pm, £22/10

Wednesday 13 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free. Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun & Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Lil Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free Revenge Guilty. Big funky and electro beats. 11pm–3am, free NUS or b4 12 – £2 after Star Inn Charity Jukebox. 12pm–11pm, free The Basement Gabbi's Dirty Handbag. Get down and filthy with dirty handbag and house tunes laid out by DJ Gabbi. 11pm-4am, free The Sabai Pavilion Lady Boys Of Bangkok – The Mile High Tour. 8pm, £22/10

Friday. Funk, Disco & Retro Classics all night! 12pm, free The Sabai Pavilion Lady Boys Of Bangkok Bangkok. 7pm and 9.15pm, £12

Saturday 16 Amsterdam Sun Downers. House music. 8pm–2am, free Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11 Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Party Night. Fab tunes plus live music. 8pm–2am, free Queen’s Arms Eurovision Contest 'Live' Party Night. Spice hosts a live screening of the contest. Bar open 12pm-2am, free R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. 10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Divas + Booty Call. Live music from 6pm! Then Booty Call kicks in from 8.30pm. Bar open 12pm, free The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. 7pm and 9.15pm, £22/10 The Zone Presents... Miss Hap. Songs and tall tales to be heard tonight! 9:30pm, free

Sunday 17 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch & Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Charles Street Bar Showtime. Performance from Sandra. 7.15pm, free Ghetto Sirens. Burlesque night with pole and lap dancing shows. 9pm, free Legends Sunday Cabaret with The Pitt Sisters. Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. 7pm, £1 per entrant

Thursday 14 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. £1.25 a pint, £1 a bottle, small wine or shot. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles Street Club Religion. Funky house 10pm–3am, £4/3 NUS Ghetto HDSM. Leather to lycra with Jon Byrne splashing out hard dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar & Theatre Marlborough Motherf***er. An exploded mirrorball of sheer queer decadence! 10.30pm-1.30am, £5/4 Marlborough Bar & Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm-3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls On Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls On Top.10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after The Basement Boys Below. Men only night. Chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free The Sabai Pavilion Lady Boys Of Bangkok – The Mile High Tour. Second show at 9.15pm. 7pm, £22/10

Cabaret @ Queen’s Arms

Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Drag With No Name + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander. 11pm–4am, free The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. 5pm and 7.30pm, £22/10

Friday 15 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girls Night. Two floors of mayhem with DJs. 8pm–2am, free Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks for £20! 9pm, free R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop Vs Altitude. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury's Out Thank Funk It's

Monday 18 Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn & Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free R-Bar Miss Jason’s Mad house. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free St Andrew's An Evening with Gerry McCrudden & Friends. 6pm, £5 The Basement Back To The 80s & 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers. 11pm–4am, free The Sabai Pavilion The Lady Boys Of Bangkok. Second show at 9.15pm. 7pm, £22/10

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36 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

12 – 18 MAY

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 12

Snog, Marry, Avoid? Fridays 10.30pm BBC3 nog, Marry, Avoid? Is possibly the only make-under show on TV and also possibly the only make-over show that involves a strange computer. All the people in need of a make under stand in front of Pod, a sarcastic computer that attempts to be funny. The men and women who enter Pod are those that think an outfit for a night on the town consists of a thong and nipple tassels; those who wear more fake tan than Jordan or those who have a sense of style that is different from everyone else. Their photograph is taken and shown to a number of people of the opposite sex and they are asked if they would snog, marry or avoid the make under target. They are then stripped of all their make-up, revealing clothes and fake tan and made under to look slightly more respectable. Sounds crap? It really is but there is something about it that is intriguing. Not only is it slightly addictive for some bizarre reason, it is interesting to watch if only to see what some people dare to wear outside but also to see how they look after a make under. We all love a make-over show, or at least it seems we do as they are constantly on TV, but the idea of seeing Jodie Marsh putting some clothes on and taking the make-up off is just slightly tantalising. The show is hosted by Jenny ‘someone get me a hairbrush’ Frost (she was in some girl band at some point). During the series she tests some make-up myths but that seems to be the extent of the hosting she does, I always find it strange how she talks about Pod as if it is a real person. In general I tend to feel quite sorry for the people who enter Pod for a make under. Many of them lack in confidence and when asked why they dress the way they do most of them answer saying they do it because people notice them when they do. Which is quite sad. They also expect all people to fancy them and want to marry or snog them – when the public are asked their views they are evidently disappointed when the votes come back and the majority would avoid them. You get to see if they have kept their new style or slapped the make-up back on when they are interviewed by Jenny Frost after the make under. Nearly all of them have gone back to their old scantily clad ways and a lot of them give the fact that no one notices them when they go out as the reason why. The concept of the show really is crap, but it does give an insight into the world of the Jodie Marsh wannabes.

The Descent ★★★★★ (2005, Film4, 10.50pm. Dir Neil Marshall) Enough to make you scared of the dark again. This British horror follows a group of strong independent ladies for a weekend of pot holing planned. When a cave-in traps them in the darkness with more than a couple of things that go bump in the night they find how far they’ll go to survive. Claustrophobic and more than one opportunity to jump out of your skin.

WEDNESDAY 13

How To Get Ahead In Advertising Wednesday 13, 12.40am, Film4

How To Get Ahead In Advertising ★★★★✩

SATURDAY 16

(1989, Film4, 12.40am. Dir Bruce Robinson) This satire of the advertising industry and commercial world of the 80s comes hot from the pen of Withnail and I writer Robinson. Starring Richard E Grant as the ad exec who battles an ever increasing boil on his neck that threatens to take over his life and mind, this is both gross and educated. Bizarre though.

(2000, BBC2, 12.20am. Dir Andrew Dominik) Eric Bana’s big break Down Under was the starring role in this biopic of a charismatic career criminal abiding by his own complex rules. Based on Mark ‘Chopper’ Read’s autobiographical series (a fresh one of which has been written every time funding was needed for a fresh criminal case defence) this is both highly entertaining and alarming.

THURSDAY 14

SUNDAY 17

Van Helsing ★★★✩✩

Chopper ★★★★★

Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves

(2004, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir Stephen Sommers) Hugh Jackman stars as the monsterbattler of the title, sent to Transylvania to stop the Count Dracula, who has nicked Frankenstein’s research and is doing dreadful things to werewolves. Ably aided by local fiend fighter Kate Beckinsale, the pair start CGI-ing the pants off all baddies in sight in this marvellously camp movie.

★★★✩✩ (1991, Five, 8pm. Dir Kevin Reynolds) Robin Hood: Prince of Surf more like. With Hood played by a strictly Californian Kevin Costner and Will Scarlett by an equally American Christian Slater, there are a few discrepancies you’ll have to overlook. All in all though, good end-of-theweekend fun. Even with that Bryan Adams song.

FRIDAY 15

MONDAY 18

There’s Something About Mary ★★★★✩

Postcards From The Edge

(1998, Channel 4, 10pm. Dir Bobby and Peter Farrelly) The film that set Cameron Diaz up forever as America’’s kooky girl next door with the great pratfalls. Ben Stiller stars as the man who went to high school with the delectable Mary, and who still can’t get over her. Trouble is, neither can a couple of other scheming suitors. Just the right side of gross out with a large dollop of sweetness thrown in.

★★★★★ (1990, Five, 11.35pm. Dir Mike Nichols) Based on Carrie Fisher’s novel supposing what might have happened had she been released from rehab into her showbiz diva mother’s care, this is intelligent, funny and thoughtful – without losing its edge. Starring Meryl Streep as our protagonist and Shirley MacLaine as her mother, this is fabulous lady heavyweight acting.

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tuesday 12 Gok’s Fashion Fix Channel 4, 8pm Mandy Moore – not the teenage bubblegum songstress, a regular Brit lady – has a wardrobe stuffed with hand-me-downs. Maybe she’ll grow into them. Not if Gok has anything to do with it, creating her own capsule wardrobe for looking grr-eat. Ah. Plus the usual Gok vs Brix high street vs designer fashion-off.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm Ray’s been struggling but managed to keep up with the more seasoned CSIs, using high brain power and prettily coloured dusting powder. Here comes one that knocks him for six as one of his former students is found murdered. He ain’t happy. Time for a less academic approach.

Flight Of The Conchords BBC4, 10.05pm & 10.30pm Kicking off with a behind the scenes of the cult Kiwi musical duo, Brett and Jermaine talk candidly about fame and the great reception of the first series. Followed by an episode of the second series. Yay! The pair fire Murray for not giving them enough time but soon realise the work he did they never saw.

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6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 The Maths Channel 11.30 The Maths Channel 11.40 Focus 11.50 Focus 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The UKIP 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 Coast Neil Oliver presents a journey around the coast of the UK. 8.00 Property Watch Property market programme. Andrew Verity and Naga Munchetty meet the buyers who believe they are getting bargains and the sellers who are battling the falling market. 9.00 Horizon: How Violent Are You? What makes ordinary people commit acts of violence? Michael Portillo investigates the darker side of human nature, being driven to the edge of violence in a sleep deprivation study. He meets men for whom violence has become an addiction and watches a replication of one of the most controversial studies in history, the Milgram study. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools live in the studio are the New York Dolls, Morrissey, Little Boots, Annie Lennox, Lisa Hannigan and Asher Roth. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections 11.25 The Wire Daniels gets the detail back together. 12.20am High Altitude 12.50 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 10.00 Day I Got The Sack 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Teen Tycoons 11.30 Battlefront Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 FILM: Damn The Defiant! (1962) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Warren is on edge when someone spray-paints the word ‘murderer’ on the window of Evissa. Tends to unnerve someone who’s still to be caught for topping a person. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix See highlights. 9.00 Find Me A Family David Akinsanya, an adoption campaigner and journalist who grew up in care, follows three households of would-be adopters. 35-year-old Rachel doesn’t have a partner, but is not going to let that stop her becoming a mum. 10.00 Shameless Comedy drama. Frank becomes a self-styled martyr when, to his horror, he discovers his child benefit has stopped. 11.15 The Big Bang Theory Flatshare comedy series. On a train to San Francisco, Leonard, Sheldon, Wolowitz and Raj are thrilled to discover that a famous actress is on board. Bumbling ahoy. Bless. 11.45 My Name Is Earl US comedy series. Randy lets it slip to his parents that Earl was in prison and now lies in a coma. Oops. 12.10am Find Me A Family 1.10 PokerStars.com 2.10 4Sport: Destination 2012 3.00 Gillette World Sport 3.25 Adrenalin Rush 3.55 Just Not Cricket 4.00 Sarah Moves On 5.30 We Are From... (x2)

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: The Princess And The Marine (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football League: Championship 10.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 11.30 Spirit Of Yachting 12.00pm Football League: Championship 1.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am Football League: Championship (x2) 4.30 Revista De La Liga 5.30 Football Asia

6.00 BBC News At Six . 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Peggy is determined to stand by her son, if he will let her. Maybe it’d be useful just to stand him up. 8.00 Holby City Donna has to take extraordinary measures to cheer up Michael, and Elliot turns detective as he tries to solve what is bothering Ben. Sounds more like an old episode of Byker Grove than a hospital drama. 9.00 10 Things You Need To Know About Sleep Documentary revealing the science behind why so many people find it difficult to nod off, and offering practical tips on the best ways to get a good night’s sleep. Not watching Crimewatch? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections 10.40 FILM: Unlawful Entry (1992) Starring Kurt Russell, Ray Liotta, Madeleine Stowe. Psychological thriller. After answering a call from a couple who have been burgled, a friendless LA cop finds himself envying the man and falling for the wife. 12.30am Damages 1.30 Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.05 Rocket Science 3.05 Country Tracks 4.00 Real Rescues 4.45 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The UK Independence Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain reveals more about what brought him back to the village. It wasn’t a helicopter. 8.00 A Place In The Wild First of two narrative-driven documentaries following the gruelling journey of two young Englishmen battling to conserve and save wild animals. 9.00 Holiday Showdown The fun-loving Fosters’ itinerary of socialising and shopping with other Brits abroad in the resort of Magaluf in Majorca doesn’t go down well with the reclusive Hare Krishna family, the Falconer Pughs. The tables are turned when the high-maintenance Foster girls face backpacking in India without any of their creature comforts. Tantrum telly. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Confessions In this programme, holiday reps lift the lid on their working lives. 11.05 Championship Play-off Highlights Action from the second legs of this season’s Championship play-offs. 12.05am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.00 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.50 Supernatural 2.35 Loose Women 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Home And Away Charlie struggles to get Joey to stay in the bay. As a brand new lesbian she’s not really been the best girlfriend in the world. Try harder. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. 6.55 PEB: The UK Independence Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Helicopter Warfare Documentary series examining historic helicopter operations. This instalment recounts the first mission of the Falklands War. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series based on the work of forensic investigators. The body of a woman who was to testify against Kyle is discovered at the bottom of the Everglades. Horatio finds evidence that implicates Kyle’s mother Julia in the crime. Glass houses, Horatio. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Mac and Danny investigate the mysterious death of a bride moments before her wedding. Cold feet, legs, hands... 12.00am The Shield 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.30 Cricket On Five 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Speedway: Elite League 11.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 9.00pm Mountain Bike World 9.30 360 Series 10.00 Poker 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.00 Sports Unlimited 2.00 Poker 3.30 NFL - Total Access 4.30 Synchronised Swimming 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Golf Ireland Show 8.30 Spirit Of Yachting VIII: Safety And Offshore Sailing 9.00 Poker 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Golf Ireland Show 12.30 Poker 2.30 Speedway 4.30 WWE Smackdown 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 10.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 11.00 Synchronised Swimming 12.00am Great Run Edinburgh 12.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 1.30 Spirit Of Yachting VIII: Safety And Offshore Sailing 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Tabatha’s Salon Takeover 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Ballroom High 10.00 Prison Break 11.00 Road Wars (x2) 1.50am Inside...

7.00pm Snow Patrol At Radio 1’s Big Weekend 8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2009 Semi-Final 1 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 My Life As An Animal: Penguins And Seals 12.45am Eurovision Song Contest 2009 SemiFinal 1 2.45 Bizarre ER 3.15 Radio 1’s Big Weekend

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Landscape Mysteries 8.00 Inside The Medieval Mind 9.00 In Search Of The Pope’s Children 9.50 Irish Folk: The Chieftains 10.05 Flight Of The Conchords: On Air (x2). See highlight. 10.55 The Armstrong And Miller Show 11.25 FILM: Saltwater (2000) 1.00am In Search Of The Pope’s Children

10.30am Judge Judy (x3) 12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 Katie & Peter: State side 9.00 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002) 11.20 FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (2004)

11.15am Surgical Spirit (x2) 12.25pm Home To Roost 12.50 Heartbeat 1.55 Ballykissangel 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Kingdom 10.00 Wire In The Blood: Shadows Rising 12.10am Wycliffe 1.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 FILM: Judge Dredd (1994) 11.50 Rude Tube (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories 12.00am Come Dine With Me

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Knight Rider 9.50 FILM: Submerged (2005) 11.40 FILM: The Messengers (2007) 1.30am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Star Trek (x2)

9.55am Teacher’s Pet (1958) 12.00pm The Movie Geek 12.30 Compulsion (1959) 2.20 The War Lord (1965) 4.30 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 6.30 The High And The Mighty (1954) 9.00 The Blue Max (1966) 11.35 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 1.20am Compulsion (1959)

11.15am La Vie En Rose (2006) 1.45pm Factory Girl (2006) 3.30 The Movie Geek 4.00 Across The Universe (2007) 6.15 Fire (1996) 8.15 Be Kind Rewind (2008) 10.00 Crash (1996) 11.45 Factory Girl (2006) 1.30am Across The Universe (2007) 3.45 The Tango Lesson (1997)

1.00pm Forty Guns (1957) 2.35 Carmen Jones (1954) 4.50 From Hell To Texas (1958) 6.50 Local Hero (1983) 9.00 Alien Nation (1988) 10.50 The Descent (2005) Freaky tale of a group of pot hloing ladies who find themselves trapped, lost and with a few nasties. 12.45am The Magician (1958)

11.30am Bad Day At Black Rock (1955) 1.05pm The Shop Around The Corner (1940) 3.00 Crossing Delancey (1988) 4.55 The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 6.40 The Elephant Man (1980) 9.00 Diner (1982) 11.05 Rachel, Rachel (1968) 1.05am Diner (1982) 2.55 Soylent Green (1973)

4.20pm My Family 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (X2) 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.40 The Royle Family 10.20 Fawlty Towers 11.05 Men Behaving Badly 11.45 French And Saunders

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40 Scrubs 1.10am Jongleurs Unleashed (x2)

Classics

Indie

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wednesday 13 The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm It’s time to go on holiday! Yay! After last week’s false hope of a holiday-ish destination the teams should be firing on all cylinders. However, their task is to market Margate and rebrand that gem of the English coast to catch a new generation’s eye. Supporting British tourism? Great! Actually doing the task? Wait and see.

Find Me A Family Channel 4, 9pm It’s the final part in this three-part series of documentaries examining the adoption system in this country and trying to find homes for kids who have been left behind. John and his partner Anthony enrol on a project to get them to consider adopting a child with a disability. A documentary about real lives right next door.

Heroes BBC3, 9pm With Sylar playing around with his new body morphing gift it’s becoming difficult to follow his dastardly deeds. Suffice to say, he’s after the numero uno President of the USA and only Nathan can stand in his way. Which he duly tries to do. Elsewhere Matt is going all out to protect his new family.

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Tronji 3.50 Funky Fables 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Paradise Cafe 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 Waterloo Road Drama series. Kim must confront her past when Andrew Treneman arrives unexpectedly from Rwanda. Most trips from Rwanda need loads of planning. ‘Unexpectedly’ would be quite a shock for him too. 9.00 The Apprentice See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections By The BNP 10.40 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 The Street After a pub crawl, cousins Gary and Ian become involved in an altercation with a taxi driver. Ian stays to help the cabbie, but Gary scarpers before he is caught. As other cabbies arrive, they assume Ian must be guilty and the trail of confusion starts. 11.45 FILM: She’s Having A Baby (1988) Starring Kevin Bacon, Elizabeth McGovern, Alec Baldwin. Domestic comedy drama, starring Kevin Bacon, about a newlywed couple coming to terms with marriage, suburban life and impending parenthood. 1.30am Weatherview 1.35 Sign Zone: Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime 2.35 Grow Your Own Drugs 3.05 Orangutan Diary 4.05 Real Rescues 4.50 BBC News

6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Liberal Democrats

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Annie’s Point (2005) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football League: Championship 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 Football Asia 12.00pm Football League: Championship 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 7.30 LIVE: Ford Football Special 10.15 You’re On Sky Sports 11.15 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.45 Ford Football Special 1.15am Poker 2.45 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.15 Ford Football Special 4.45 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.15 Total Rugby 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 Keep It In The Family Gary Donoughue has dedicated his life to the auction house he inherited from his father and grandfather. He has persuaded his son Jamie, a music video director, to give the family firm one last go. 8.00 Property Watch Property market programme. Why are the British so obsessed with property, and will the recession change attitudes for good? 9.00 Winds Documentary series about the weather looks at wind, caused by the interaction of temperature, pressure and the earth’s rotation which took scientists over a thousand years to fully explain. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to The Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections By The BNP 11.25 The Wire Season two of the acclaimed police drama from Baltimore. Omar testifies in court. McNulty tries to mend his marriage. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Taking Issue (x5) 5.35 Worlds Of Belief

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Liberal Democrats 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Chas fears that Cain will lead Aaron astray. Andy refuses to let Debbie see Sarah. Dingles aren’t getting much good credit for anything at the mo’, then. 7.30 Coronation Street Jason’s decision provokes Eileen’s wrath. You don’t want to do that, now. 8.00 The British Soap Awards 2009 Phillip Schofield hosts the 11th British Soap Awards. All the stars from the UK’s top soaps – Coronation Street, Doctors, EastEnders, Emmerdale and Hollyoaks – will be getting together to celebrate the year’s achievements. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Benidorm Most of the group heads off on a free trip to a bullfight, but soon learn there is no such thing as a free lunch in Benidorm. 11.05 FILM: Ghost Ship (2002) Starring Julianna Margulies. Supernatural thriller. A ship missing for 40 years suddenly appears in the Bering Sea. But once the salvage crew are on board it becomes clear the liner is not abandoned after all. 12.40am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.35 Loose Women 2.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.20 Make My Kids Happy: Tonight (Part 1) 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00am Inuk 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 10.00 Day I Got The Sack 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Teen Tycoons 11.30 Battlefront Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Stunned by Russ’s intention to take Max abroad, Nancy gives him an ultimatum. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Embarrassing Bodies Christian Jessen and Pixie McKenna uncover the nation’s most awkward medical complaints. This week’s episode tackles a range of summer holiday ailments. Dr Pixie meets a man who constantly needs the toilet, while Dr Christian treats a mother with severe constipation. 9.00 Find Me A Family See highlights. 10.00 Desperate Housewives US drama series set in suburbia. Bree sinks low to get the best lawyer and Gabrielle makes a deal with her daughter Juanita. Lynette and Tom negotiate sex and Jackson surprises Susan with a proposal. Dave has an unexpected visitor. Busy, busy. 11.05 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series. Repeat of Tuesday’s episode. 12.15am 4 Music: Keri Hilson Featuring Kanye West And Ne-Yo: Video Exclusive 12.20 4Play: Gary Go 12.35 The Streets: Video Exclusive 12.40 4Play: Laura Izibor 12.55 Find Me A Family 1.55 FILM: The Tall Stranger (1957) 3.25 Hill Street Blues 4.10 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Belle’s photos of Liam end up in the morning papers. What a mistake-a to make-a. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. A hot-headed crocodile shows his displeasure when he is transferred to a new compound. 6.55 PEB: Plaid Cymru 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Michaela’s Zoo Babies Wildlife series presented by Michaela Strachan profiling breeding programmes in zoos across the UK. 8.00 Oil Riggers Documentary series following life on the oil rigs of west Texas. A young and inexperienced crew takes over the Longhorn rig. 9.00 Extraordinary People: Growing Up Without A Face Five-year-old Juliana has the most severe case of Treacher Collins syndrome ever seen. Juliana was born with over half of her cranial bones missing and has undergone 27 operations as doctors endeavour to build her a functional face. 10.00 FILM: Fallen (1998) Starring Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland. Occult horror thriller about the confrontation between a tough, puritanical policeman and a demonic serial killer. 12.25am PartyPoker.com European Open V Poker Action 2.00 V8 Supercars 2.50 Seniors Golf 3.30 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 360 Series 10.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 11.00 LIVETennis: ATP Masters 3.00pm LIVETennis: ATP Masters 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 NFL – Total Access 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Dunlop Best Of British Motorsport 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am European Seniors Tour Golf 8.00 Synchronised Swimming 9.00 Poker 10.30 Mountain Bike World 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 2.00 Adrenaline Adventures 2.30 360 Series 3.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 4.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE Cricket: Friends Provident Trophy 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Max Power 12.00am Dunlop Best Of British Motorsport 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Tabatha’s Salon Takeover 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 FILM: X-Men (2000) 11.05 Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 12.05am Fringe

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Heroes. See highlights. 9.45 FILM: 16 Blocks (2006) 11.20 Family Guy (x2) 12.05am Snog Marry Avoid? 12.35 Bizarre ER 1.00 Two Pints Outtakes 1.35 The World’s Strictest Parents 2.30 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 8.00 Victorian Farm 9.00 In Search Of The Pope’s Children 9.50 Coast: From The Air 10.00 FILM: The Van (1996) 11.35 FILM: Pavee Lackeen: The Traveller Girl (2005) 1.00am In Search Of The Pope’s Children 1.50 Batman

12.00pm Emmerdale 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 The Truth About Online Anorexia 10.00 British Soap Awards 2009: After Party 11.30 Coronation Street 12.00am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show

11.15am Surgical Spirit (x2) 12.25pm Home To Roost 12.50 Heartbeat 1.55 Ballykissangel 3.00 Hercule Poirot’s Christmas 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Trial And Retribution 3 12.10am Hercule Poirot’s Christmas

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Bedazzled (2000) 10.50 The Inbetweeners 11.20 8 Out Of 10 Cats 11.55 Scrubs (x2) 12.55 My Name Is Earl

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Never Did Me Any Harm 10.00 Born To Be Different 11.05 Dispatches: Lost In Care

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Private Practice 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 The War Tapes 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Thrill Seekers (1999) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Merlin And The Book Of Beasts (2009) 9.50 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 11.40 FILM: Force Of Impact (2005) 1.20am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

2.00pm Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 3.55 Abbott And Costello Meet The Killer, Boris Karloff (1949) 5.20 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 6.50 Gunfight At The OK Corral (1957) 9.00 Shenandoah (1965) 10.50 Bigger Than Life (1956) 12.30am Too Late The Hero (1970)

11.00am Sunshine (2007) 12.50pm The Top 10 Show 1.10 There Will Be Blood (2007) 3.50 Sicko (2007) 6.00 The Movie Geek 6.30 The Escapist (2001) 8.10 Sunshine (2007) 10.00 In Bruges (2008) 11.50 There Will Be Blood (2007) 2.30am The Top 10 Show 2.50 Mississippi Burning (1988)

1.00pm Angels Over Broadway (1940) 2.35 The Left Hand Of God (1955) 4.20 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) 6.45 The Vikings (1958) 9.00 The Waterboy (1998) 10.45 The Hills Have Eyes (2006) 12.50am How To Get Ahead In Advertising (1989) Richard E Grant stars in this advertising satire.

8.45am Bonnie Scotland (1935) 10.25 The Women (1939) 12.55pm The Desert Song (1953) 3.00 Elvis On Tour (1972) 4.45 The Boyfriend (1971) 7.15 Disorderlies (1987) 9.00 Soapdish (1991) 10.55 Klute (1971) 1.05am Fame (1980) 3.15 Soapdish (1991) 5.00 Bonnie Scotland (1935)

4.15pm My Family 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.45 The Royle Family At Christmas 10.25 Fawlty Towers (x2) 1.10am French And Saunders

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am The Office: An American Workplace (x2)

Classics

Indie

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5/7/09

3:21 PM

Page 1

thursday 14 The Homecoming Channel 4, 9pm This documentary explores the lives of the former inhabitants of a children’s home in Doncaster. Presented by Rachel Roberts, herself a former resident, she sets out to find out what happened to her former foster siblings, with both happy and sad discoveries. Part of the Forgotten Children season.

Man Hunters: Meet The Gigolos Channel 4, 11.05pm Director Guy Gilbert takes a closer look at the male escort business, talking to three gigolos and the women who go to them. With one guy earning £100,000 a year there are bound to be more than a few cautionary tales to balance the editorial of the piece. Plus, what these ladies are after.

The New Avengers BBC4, 7.40pm World War Three is in the offing but Steed, Purdey and Gambit don’t know how it’s going to happen or why. Oh, the drama. They do know that it’s going to be set in action by the second assassination carried out by K-agents. They just don’t know who that will be. Time for a bit of info gathering we thinks.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Sun, Sea And Bargain Spotting 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Tronji 3.50 Funky Fables 4.05 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 4.35 Horrible Histories 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Dot is terrified she is losing her mind, and Nick turns the screws on Billy. No one’s allowed to hurt our Dorothy! Soz. Not real izzit? 8.00 My Family Sitcom about a dentist and his family. Kenzo’s school project about the family gives everyone a chance to look at some of the crazier moments in the Harper history. Aka cheap clip show. 8.30 DIY SOS Home renovation programme. 9.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police as they enforce the law on some of Britain’s busiest and most dangerous roads. A speeding car has careered off the road and into the roof of a house before coming to rest upside down. And we thought Vin Diesel was the only one that drove like that. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections By The UKIP 10.40 Question Time Question Time is in Grimsby. 11.40 This Week A political review of the week. 12.25am Holiday Weatherview 12.30 Sign Zone: Panorama 1.00 Watchdog 1.30 Countryfile 2.25 Real Rescues 3.10 BBC News

6.00-11.00am Children’s television 11.00 The Maths Channel - Year 5 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Just So Darwin 11.45 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Labour Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 The Apprentice Reality series. Another chance to catch yesterday’s show. 8.00 Property Watch Property market programme. Kate Silverton and Justin Rowlatt look into the future to see what the long-awaited recovery in house prices will be like. The programme asks why Britain is prone to boom and bust. 9.00 Keep It In The Family Brothers Dominic and Nick Chapman return to their childhood home in Taunton to see if they’re willing to take over the reins from their parents and save the family-owned hotel. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Joining Graham for his usual mix of celebrity chat, jokes, stunts and audience mischief are film star Willem Dafoe and Lily Allen who performs her latest single ‘Not Fair.’ 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections By The UKIP 11.25 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Extended companion discussion show. 12.05am BBC News 4.00 Taking Issue 4.55 Belief File

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 10.00 Day I Got The Sack 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Teen Tycoons 11.30 Battlefront Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Darren advertises Cindy’s services for naked cleaning in revenge for her losing him his job. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home Series in which Kirstie Allsopp transforms a dilapidated country cottage in Devon. Kirstie turns her attention to the property’s garden, visiting a mosaic artist for inspiration. 9.00 The Homecoming See highlights. 10.00 Extreme Male Beauty Journalist Tim Shaw presents a fourpart series focusing on the male beauty industry. Tim looks at penis enlargement methods, and finds out what women think of various shapes and sizes of manhood. Plus, a formerly obese man who has never had a girlfriend seeks surgery to take away his sagging skin and give him the confidence for romance. Blimmin’ ‘eck! 11.05 Man Hunters: Meet The Gigolos See highlights. 12.10am 4 Music: Green Day Live From Abbey Road 12.45 Dubplate 1.15 4 Music: The Shockwaves Album Chart Show 1.45 The Dish 1.55 Dispatches: Lost In Care 2.45 Unreported World 3.10 3 Minute Wonder: The Filmmakers Of Kabul 3.15 1900 UK 4.15 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: Mary Higgins Clark: The Cradle Will Fall (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 2.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Football League: League One 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Test Cricket 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 Football League: League One 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Labour Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Val assigns Maisie the task of livening up the pub. What she gonna do – stick balloons up? 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney presents a series exploring Britain’s countryside. 8.00 The Bill At an armed robbery at a toyshop, the manager is badly wounded but claims not to have seen the faces of the thieves. CCTV footage shows a customer, Jade Hopkins, arguing with one of the shop’s employees just before the incident – was she a decoy? Or just a mouthy cow? Hmm. 9.00 Taggart When a promising young student is abducted, her mother’s psychic advisor approaches the team, claiming to be able to trace the girl’s whereabouts. Like Burke’ll believe that. No leads? Here we go. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Van Helsing (2004) Starring Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale. Outcast Van Helsing is charged with a mission to go to the shadowy world of Transylvania and vanquish the evil Count Dracula. 12.50am British Superbike Championship Highlights 1.40 Motorsport UK 2.30 Crossing Jordan 3.20 Loose Women 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 Home And Away Hugo and Brendan’s relationship deteriorates. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. 6.55 PEB: The British National Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents the best of the action from day one of England versus the West Indies at the Riverside Ground. 8.00 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 Melissa visits a Hampshire manor, Michael stays in a modern town house and Russell is charmed by a converted village school. Nosey. 9.00 The Mentalist Drama series. A star witness in a high-profile narcotics case is murdered along with his girlfriend. Despite the detectives’ insistence that the woman was an incidental victim of the crime, Patrick begins to wonder whether she was in fact the killer’s primary target. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. The squad closes in on a thief who preys on wealthy families. Makes sense. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. An infant overdoses on cocaine mixed in baby food. The case leads to the launch an undercover operation to flush out a drug ring run by corrupt police. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Adrenaline Adventures 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 LIVE Golf – Irish Open 1.00pm Total Rugby 1.30 Ford Football Special 3.00 LIVE Golf – Irish Open 6.00 Adrenaline Adventures 6.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Football League 1.30 Golf Night 4.00 The Rugby Club 5.00 The Dogs 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.30am Dunlop Best Of British Motorsport 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 5.00pm LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 7.00 The Rugby Club 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.30am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Wrestling Special 2.00 The Dogs 2.30 Race World 3.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Tabatha’s Salon Takeover 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Lily Allen At Radio 1’s Big Weekend 8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2009 Semi-Final 2 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 11.30 Family Guy 12.15am Ideal 12.45 Eurovision Song Contest 2009 Semi-Final 2 2.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers. See highlights. 8.30 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 9.00 In Search Of The Pope’s Children 9.50 Coast 10.00 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 10.30 Legends: The Chieftains 11.30 FILM: Dead Bodies (2003) 12.55am In Search Of The Pope’s Children

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Sugababes: The Hot Desk 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am American Idol

11.20am Surgical Spirit 11.55 Home To Roost 12.30pm Heartbeat 1.30 Ballykissangel 2.35 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.50 Monarch Of The Glen 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Beyond A Joke 10.00 Prime Suspect 5 12.15am Numb3rs

1.45pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Beehive 11.05 Reno 911 (x2) 12.00am Scrubs (x2)

2.00pm Come Dine With Me 2.30 The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 ER 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am ER

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Private Practice 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2)

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 American Loggers 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 10.00 Knight Rider 11.50 FILM: The Order (2001) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun 3.00 Star Trek (x2) 5.00 Quantum Leap

12.35pm The Producers (1968) 2.10 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 3.50 Holiday Inn (1942) 5.40 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 7.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 9.00 The Producers (1968) 10.35 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 12.25am Coogan’s Bluff (1968)

10.55am Notes On A Scandal (2006) 12.40pm Jindabyne (2006) 2.50 The Commitments (1991) 4.50 Rushmore (1998) 6.30 December Boys (2007) 8.20 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 10.00 The Good German (2005) 11.50 The Commitments (1991) 1.50am Breaking The Waves (1996)

1.00pm The Vikings (1958) 3.15 The Gunfighter (1950) 4.55 Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) 7.00 Congo (1995) 9.00 The Devil Wears Prada (2006) Anne Hathaway takes a turn working for fashion diva Meryl Streep in this chick flick. 11.10 My Cousin Vinny (1992) 1.30am Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

10.55am Bachelor In Paradise (1961) 12.55pm The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 3.00 The Singing Nun (1966) 4.55 The Ballad Of Cable Hogue (1970) 7.15 Cats And Dogs (2001) 9.00 Boogie Nights (1997) 11.50 Trog (1970) 1.35am Boogie Nights (1997) 4.10 Offset: Terry Gilliam 5.00 The Oklahoman (1957)

4.20pm My Family 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 Fawlty Towers (x3) 12.25am French And Saunders Easter Special 1.20 Close Up 1.30 The Two Ronnies 2.30 Bread

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.45 South Park (x2) 12.45am Scrubs 1.15 The King Of Queens

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10:52 AM

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friday 15 Who Killed The Honey Bee? BBC2, 7pm It’s all very well thinking ‘oh, that just means a bit less honey in the world if we have less bees’. That ain’t the half of it brother/sister. Without bees doing that ever so vital pollination global food production looks set to go down the stinker. So why are bees fleeing their hives and how big a problem is it?

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1, 10.35pm The personable and cheeky chappy continues wearing out his coach with A-listers Ben Stiller, Eminem and Ewan McGregor. We’re expecting some kind of Star Wars and motorbikes theme for Ewan – maybe an action figure. See if you can guess the 4 Poofs intro music for each guest.

Agatha Christie’s Poirot ITV3, 8pm If the week’s been long and people have been demanding then give the little grey cells a rest with some pure comfort telly. David Suchet waxes his moustache and joins Hastings for a spot of grouse shooting, only to be interrupted when one of the party is killed. As Poirot already has a cold he’s not best happy.

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Nina And The Neurons 10.15 Charlie And Lola 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Fun With Phonics 11.10 Razzledazzle 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Heir Hunters 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Conservative Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the forces returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 Who Killed The Honey Bee? See highlights. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. Toby Buckland plants up a tropical looking border designed to turn even the most suburban garden into a leafy jungle. Watch out for poisonous reptiles. Hsssss. 9.00 English Heritage The restoration of London’s King’s Cross, its station, and the adjacent goods yard is the biggest infrastructure project in Europe – it is a Grade I listed building of lasting historical importance. So nothing can be done at King’s Cross without the say-so of English Heritage. 10.00 Britain’s Best Drives Actor Richard Wilson takes a journey into the past, following routes raved about in motoring guides of 50 years ago. Vroom! 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme, with Kirsty Wark. 11.35 Later With Jools Holland Music show. Extended repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.40am Medium 1.20 The Wire (x3)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Golden Balls 6.00 Meridian Tonight All the latest news, sport and breaking stories from across the region. Including Meridian weather. 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Nicola go ahead with the abortion? Cain bribes Aaron to get Victoria into trouble. 7.30 Coronation Street Rita pays Colin a visit. Time to blip him on the noggin? 8.00 Make My Kids Happy: Tonight (Part 2) In the second of a two-part special, Fiona Foster finds out if giving up gadgets, make-up and provocative fashions for a month has improved the self-esteem of our 12 typical teenagers. 8.30 Coronation Street Maria is shocked by Fiz’s secret. 9.00 Boy Meets Girl Body-swap comedy. The strain of trying to be Veronica finally tips Danny over the edge and he is packed off to hospital, only to find that he has missed his own body by minutes. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Red Heat (1988) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Belushi. Action thriller in which a dedicated Soviet cop arrives in Chicago, where he reluctantly teams up with a foul-mouthed American detective to search for the Russian drug dealer who killed both their partners. Not xenophobic at all. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.25 FILM: Saved! (2004) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.15 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Parents & Teens: Welcome To My World 9.55 Mediabox Short Films 2009 10.00 Day I Got The Sack 10.25 Mediabox Short Films 2009 10.30 Take Away My Takeaway 11.00 Teen Tycoons 11.25 Mediabox Short Films 2009 11.30 Battlefront Television 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal: Banker’s Birthday 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Justin blames himself when Hannah confesses to the relapse of her eating disorder. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World Evan Williams travels to the Brazilian city of Recife to investigate claims of police involvement in the death squads which have murdered thousands of ‘undesirables’ each year, including hundreds of children. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Jonnie Irwin and Jasmine Harman help people trying to decide whether to buy in the UK or abroad. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon helps the owner of the Seascape restaurant in Long Island, New York. Almost $1,000,000 in debt, and with a kitchen where unprotected meat and fish are surrounded by grease laden walls, Gordon must shut it down for a clean sweep if he has any chance of saving it. 10.00 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) Starring Cameron Diaz. Slapstick comedy. 12.15am 4 Music: Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Akon Special 12.50 JD Set Presents: Future Of The Left 1.05 No Angels 2.05 What About Brian 2.45 Hill Street Blues 3.35 FILM: Friday Night In (2003) 4.10 Time Team 5.05 Countdown 5.50Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Chidlren’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Rupert Bear 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: Rosamunde Pilcher’s Autumn (2008) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4 9.00 Football League 10.30 Live Test Cricket 7.00PM Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE: Football – League One 10.00 Test Cricket 12.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 12.30 Football League: League One 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League: League One 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders When Stacey’s world falls into chaos, Jean is forced to confront the devastating truth about her daughter’s behaviour. 8.30 Total Wipeout Fast Forward Another chance to follow the trials and tribulations, the smashes and the splashes of the first series of the biggest, daftest, muddiest obstacle course in the world. 9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Rolf Harris and guest panellists including Andy Hamilton. 9.30 Reggie Perrin When Reggie goes to Helsinki on a business trip with Jasmine, his marriage to Nicola faces its sternest test. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross See highlights. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Is that in Euros? 11.40 FILM: The Hunted (2002) Starring Tommy Lee Jones, Benicio Del Toro. Tough action thriller. 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Louis Theroux: A Place For Paedophiles 2.15 Orangutan Diary 2.45 Real Rescues 3.30 BBC News

6.00 Home And Away Kirsty faces up to her divorce from Kane. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Chester Zoo. 6.55 PEB: The Scottish National Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents the best of the action from day two of England versus the West Indies at the Riverside Ground. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS Drama series. Director Shepard is killed while trying to clean up a secret mission that began a decade ago in Europe. As acting director Vance attempts to investigate the case according to NCIS regulations, Gibbs and Franks take matters into their own hands. 10.00 Numb3rs Detective drama series about a maths genius. A professor is killed when a militant animal rights group targets a university research lab. Is a student responsible for his death? 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series following the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. The team tracks a vigilante who may be killing acquitted prisoners. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Adrenaline Adventures 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 The Rugby Club 10.00 LIVE Golf: Irish Open 1.00pm Barclays Premier League World 1.30 Football League 3.00 LIVE Golf: Irish Open 6.00 Off The Bar 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE: Friday Fight Night 12.00am Super League 2.00 Test Cricket 4.00 Off The Bar 4.30 WWE Wrestling Special 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

Sky Sports 3 6.30am The Dogs 7.00 WWE Wrestling Special 8.00 WWE: Raw 10.00 Race World 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 3.00 The Dogs 3.30 Adrenaline Adventures 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Gillette World Sport 6.30 Volvo Ocean Race 7.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 11.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 WWE Wrestling Special 3.00 Golf Night 5.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

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ITV3

More4

Living

2.00pm Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 FILM: X-Men (2000) 11.05 Road Wars 12.05am Prison Break 1.05 Road Wars (x2) 2.55 Inside: The Prison Code

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 Freaky Eaters 9.00 Georgia’s Story: 33 Stone At 15 9.50 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Coming Of Age 12.45 Bizarre ER 1.15 Ideal 1.45 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 8.05 Dido And Aeneas From The Royal Opera House 9.10 So Hard To Beat 10.30 BBC Four Session 11.30 Flight Of The Conchords 11.55 Flight Of The Conchords: On Air 12.20am The New Avengers 1.15 Van Morrison On Later With Jools Holland

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Britain’s Got Talent 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 9.00 American Idol 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am The Justin Lee Collins Show 1.00 American Idol

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.20 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot. See highlights. 9.00 Prime Suspect 5 11.10 FILM: The Molly Maguires (1970) 1.35am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.10 Surgical Spirit 3.40 Emmerdale

2.35pm One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 8.55 Gok’s Fashion Fix 10.00 Wife Swap 11.00 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong 11.50 Scrubs 12.20am Scrubs 12.50 My Name Is Earl 1.15 Gok’s Fashion Fix

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Heartbreak Ridge (1986) 11.35 Grand Designs Abroad 12.35am FILM: Heartbreak Ridge (1986)

2.00pm Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Private Practice 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.30 Nothing To Declare (x3) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

5.00p, Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Mythbusters 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 SAS: Special Forces Heroes 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill 3.00 Treasure Quest

3.00pm FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 4.50 Joe 90 (x2) 5.55 Stingray (x2) 6.55 Thunderbirds 8.00 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 9.50 FILM: The Order (2001) 12.00am FILM: The Ferryman (2007) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4) 4.00 Star Trek 5.00 Quantum Leap

1.30pm Emperor Of The North (1973) 3.35 A Foreign Affair (1948) 5.35 Road To Utopia (1945) 7.10 The Front Page (1974) 9.00 Bandolero! (1968) 10.50 Emperor Of The North (1973) 12.55am A Foreign Affair (1948) 2.55 Lover Come Back (1961) 4.45 The Devil And Miss Jones (1941)

11.30am Love Me If You Dare (2003) 1.10pm The Tango Lesson (1997) 2.50 Almost Famous (2000) 5.30 Days Of Glory (2005) 7.40 The Movie Geek 8.10 The Walker (2007) 10.00 Almost Famous (2000) 12.45am Clubland (2007) 2.40 Youth Without Youth (2007) 5.00 The Movie Geek

1.00pm Watership Down (1978) 2.50 Forty Guns (1957) 4.30 Reach For The Sky (1956) 7.10 Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) 9.00 The Fifth Element (1997) Luc Besson’s futuristic blockbuster starring Bruce Willis as the cabbie with a mission. 11.25 Bad Girls (1994) 1.25am Bullitt (1968)

11.30am The Girl From Missouri (1934) 1.00pm A Fine Madness (1966) 3.00 Downhill Racer (1969) 4.55 Crazy From The Heart (1991) 6.40 Swing Shift (1984) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Bullitt (1968) 11.05 Being Human (1994) 1.20am Quick Change (1990) 3.00 Rollover (1981) 5.00 Mister Roberts (1955)

5.40pm As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.40 The Royle Family 10.20 Fawlty Towers 11.05 Men Behaving Badly 11.45 French And Saunders 12.20am The Royle Family 1.00 Men Behaving Badly 1.40 The Dick Emery Show

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Stewart Lee: 41st Best Stand Up Ever 1.10am The Sarah Silverman Programme 1.40 South Park 2.10 South Park

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5/7/09

5:15 PM

Page 1

saturday 16 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor Channel 4, 7pm Former Special Forces adventurer Bear Grylls demonstrates how to survive in the world‘s most extreme environments. In the first episode of the new series, Bear is dropped into the jungles of Belize during the rainy season and is left hanging by his fingertips over a raging white-water river.

Primeval ITV1, 7.20pm An anomaly opens at a race car test track and a huge insect-like creature comes through. It is carnivorous and lethal, and the team must draw on all their resources to get it back to its home. But things get complicated when Abby‘s brother Jack decides to find out what she really does for a living…

Ian Hislop’s Changing Of The Bard BBC4, 10pm Ian Hislop takes an amused and affecting look at one of the most peculiar offices in the British establishment, that of Poet Laureate. Its 341-year history produces a gloriously eccentric picture of who we are, how we are ruled, and just how hard it is to do that in verse.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Take On The Takeaway 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 A Question Of Sport 1.30 Diagnosis Murder 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 FILM: The Pacifier (2005) 4.30 Final Score 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Children’s TV 7.30 Dinosapien 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.12 The Owl 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 9.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 10.00 Transmission: Impossible With Ed & Oucho 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Kyle XY 12.40 Winging It 1.10 Sound 1.40 Revealed 2.00 FILM: North West Frontier (1959) 4.05 FILM: Two Men Went To War (2002) 5.50 Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Earthquakes

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.25 Countrywise 10.55 Quincy, ME 11.55 FILM: Columbo: Fade In To Murder (1976) 1.25pm ITV News And Weather 1.30 FILM: Carry On Cleo (1965) 3.10 FILM: Any Which Way You Can (1980) 5.20 Meridian News And Weather 5.35 ITV News And Weather 5.50 You’ve Been Framed!

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.25 Friends 9.55 One Tree Hill 10.50 Friends 11.20 Gossip: Video Exclusive 11.25 Shipwrecked 2009: Battle Of The Islands Finale 1.00pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Kid’s TV 7.40 Hana‘s Helpline 7.55 Olivia 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Animal Families 8.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.55 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 The Gadget Show 11.30 Oil Riggers 12.30pm Build A New Life In The Country 1.30 Zoo Days 1.40 FILM: Kermit‘s Swamp Years (2002) 3.15 FILM: Agatha (1979) 5.05 Five News 5.15 FILM: The Professionals (1966)

6.00 BBC News 6.05 South East Today 6.15 Regional News And Weather 6.20 Eurovision: Jade‘s Story Documentary following Jade Ewen, winner of the BBC‘s Your Country Needs You competition, from the moment she won through to her final preparations and first rehearsals for the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow. Graham Norton guides us through Jade‘s journey. 6.50 Tonight‘s The Night Host John Barrowman makes the nation‘s performing dreams come true. 7.50 The National Lottery Draws Big money quiz and those numbers. 8.00 Eurovision Song Contest 2009 2009 is a big year for the UK, with Jade Ewen heading to Russia to perform Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s song It‘s My Time in the vast Olympiyski Stadium, Moscow. Graham Norton will take on commentating duties for the first time ever, bringing his own inimitable style to what promises to be a musical and visual extravaganza. After all 25 countries have performed, the phone lines will open for the public vote. 11.15 BBC News 11.35 FILM: The Bunker (2001) Supernatural horror. 1.05am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross With guests Ben Stiller, Ewan McGregor and Eminem. 2.05 Weatherview 2.10 BBC News

6.50 Planet Earth David Attenborough looks at the world‘s great plains – immense wilderness areas that seem empty, but which support the greatest gatherings of wildlife on earth, including two million gazelles on the Mongolian steppes, three million caribou in North America and 1.5 million wildebeest in East Africa. At the heart of all this is a single living thing – grass – able to survive in the baking savannahs of Africa, the frozen tundra of the Arctic and the floodplains of India. 7.50 Dad‘s Army The king is coming to Walmington-on-Sea. Captain Mainwaring and the platoons prepare to greet him, but as usual things don‘t go quite according to plan. 8.20 The Birth Of British Music Conductor Charles Hazlewood explores music of great composers. 9.20 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Rolf Harris and guest panellists Andy Hamilton and Julia Hartley Brewer. 10.00 Match Of The Day Highlights. 11.20 The Violent Highway The chequered history of The Highway, London E1, formerly known as the Ratcliffe Highway. 12.20am FILM: Chopper (2000) See film highlights 1.50 FILM: The Experiment (2001) Drama.

6.20 All Star Mr & Mrs Today presenters Eamonn Holmes and Ruth Langsford, actress Sharon Small and partner Dan Bridge, and investigative reporter Donal MacIntyre and wife Ameera battle it out to see who knows the most about their respective partners, in a bid to win £30,000 for their chosen charity. 7.20 Primeval See highlights. 8.20 Britain’s Got Talent Judges Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden watch more acts hoping to bag the prize of £100,000 and a slot at this year’s Royal Variety Performance. Hosts Ant and Dec are on hand to support the acts before and after they face the panel. 9.20 ITV’s Best Ever Ads 2 Phillip Schofield presides over this collection of more of television’s greatest ever ads, as Papa and Nicole are reunited, Paula Hamilton recalls the ad that changed her life, and the Hovis boy re-enacts his bike ride. 10.20 ITV News And Weather 10.35 FILM: The Silence Of The Lambs (1991) Classic Hannibal. 12.45am Six Degrees Damian decides to propose to Regina but still won‘t be honest about his criminal past. 1.35 FILM: Pavilion Of Women (2001) Chinese melodrama. Tired of her husband’s demands for sex, his wife buys him a peasant lover. 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Dinner party host, architect, surveyor and property developer Richard Whitaker is a stickler for detail and is convinced his restaurant-style food will outdo his rivals. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor See highlights. 8.00 Lionheart: The Crusade Richard I ruled for 10 years, but spent only five months of his reign in England. History depicts him as a fearless crusader, spreading the word of Christianity, but what is the truth behind the many legends? 9.30 FILM: Kingdom Of Heaven (2005) Starring Orlando Bloom, Liam Neeson, Eva Green and David Thewlis. Historical epic. After learning that he is the son of a famous knight, a young peasant blacksmith follows in his father‘s footsteps and joins the Christian campaign to protect 12th century Jerusalem from the Muslim forces of Saladin. 12.10am 4 Music: Manic Street Preachers: Shadows And Words Documentary. 12.45 4 Music: Gaymers Grassroots Gigs: Futureheads 1.05 FILM: Running Scared (2005) Violent crime thriller. 3.05 Hill Street Blues The biggest gang war in six years threatens to explode on the Hill. 3.55 In Your Dreams 4.05 Time Team 5.05 Countdown

7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents highlights from day three of England versus the West Indies. 8.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy‘s dedicated federal agency. A bombing range used for target practice by the marines is found to be the dumping ground for mafia victims, among them an undercover FBI agent. 9.00 NCIS Drama series. Gibbs and the team get into a conflict of jurisdiction with the FBI as they try to protect a high-profile naval officer from an Al-Qaeda cell. 10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spin-off of the crime drama series. A Native American chief is shot on a train, but the team soon realises that the cause of death is more complicated than it first appears. As the CSIs unravel the murder, they discover a number of different ethnic groups are engaged in a fierce dispute over land. 11.00 Law And Order US crime drama. A high-powered television executive is murdered. After pursuing several leads, Fontana and Green are confident they have found the murderer in the form of the victim‘s jilted ex-lover. But the actions of an errant juror threaten to sink the prosecution‘s case. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Rough Guide To Eco Escapes 5.00 Hana‘s Helpline

6.00am Off The Bar 6.30 Football League: League One 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.55 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Test Cricket 8.30 LIVE Super 14 Rugby 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00pm Live Test Cricket 7.00 WWE Judgement Day Preview 7.30 Volvo Ocean Race 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.30 The Super 14 Show 12.30am LIVE NASCAR 3.00 Max Power 4.00 Volvo Ocean Race 4.30 Race World 5.30 Wild Spirits

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Friday Fight Night 9.00 WWE Wrestling Special 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 WWE Judgement Day Preview 1.30 Gillette World Sport 2.00 LIVE Golf: Irish Open 6.00 LIVE Super League 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Judgement Day Preview 10.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.30 WWE Judgement Day Preview 3.00 Test Cricket 5.00 WWE Judgement Day Preview 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Marie Vagen

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 3.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 4.00 American Gladiators 5.00 WWE: Smackdown 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 Lost 10.00 Bones (x2) 12.00am Ross Kemp: Return To Afghanistan 1.00 24 1.50 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Most Annoying Couples 7.15 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.15 Top Gear 9.20 Horne And Corden (x3) 10.50 Live At The Apollo 11.35 Family Guy 11.55 American Dad! 12.20am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.50 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 1.45 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 2.45 Bizarre ER

7.00pm Cobra Ferrari Wars 8.00 Wilfred Owen: A Remembrance Tale 9.00 Arena 10.00 Ian Hislop’s Changing Of The Bard 11.00 Carol Ann Duffy: Poet Laureate 11.10 Close Up 12.00am Bookmark 12.50 Monitor: Larkin And Betjeman 1.15 Ian Hislop’s Changing Of The Bard 2.15 Wilfred Owen

1.10pm FILM: Small Soldiers (1997) 3.15 Britain’s Got More Talent 4.15 American Idol (x2) 6.10 FILM: Back To The Future Part II (1989) 8.20 Animals Do The Funniest Things 9.20 Britain’s Got More Talent 10.20 The Justin Lee Collins Show 11.20 Britain’s Got Talent 12.20am Britain’s Got More Talent

10.30am The Grand 11.35 PD James: Devices And Desires 12.50pm My Uncle Silas 1.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.00 Hornblower 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.05 Taggart 11.35 Cracker 1.00am Hornblower 2.40 Upstairs, Downstairs

10.00am The Simple Life (x2) 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.45pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Greatest Comedy Catchphrases 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.00 Dark Angel 1.55 The Simple Life

9.30am Time Team (x5) 2.35pm FILM: The Indian Fighter (1955) 4.20 3 Minute Wonder (x3) 4.35 Grand Designs (x2) 6.45 Grand Designs Revisited 7.50 Grand Designs 9.00 Grand Designs Abroad 10.00 The Great Wall Of China 12.15am The West Wing 1.15 The Great Wall Of China

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI 12.00am Eurotrash: The Sexy Bits (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Caesar: A Roman Murder 3.00 True Gladiators 4.00 Forensic Detectives 5.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 6.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 7.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8.00 American Loggers 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 County Jail Miami 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.40pm Ghost Stories 1.10 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 3.00 FILM: Riddles Of The Sphinx (2008) 5.00 Knight Rider 6.50 FILM: Multiplicity (1996) 9.00 FILM: War Wolves (2009) 11.10 FILM: Lightspeed (2006) 12.50am FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 2.50 Joe 90 (x2)

12.40pm Steptoe And Son (1972) 2.20 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 4.00 Samson And Delilah (1949) 6.10 The Sound Of Music (1965) 9.00 Steptoe And Son (1972) 10.40 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 12.25am The Collector (1965) 2.35 Johnny Guitar (1954)

9.00am Black Snake Moan (2006) 10.55 For Your Consideration (2006) 12.25pm Juno (2007) 2.05 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 4.05 The Kite Runner (2007) 6.20 Goodbye Bafana (2007) 8.20 Juno (2007) 10.00 Magnolia (1999) 1.20am Body Shots (1999)

1.00pm S1m0ne (2002) 3.25 All About Eve (1950) 6.20 Phantom Of The Opera (2004) 9.00 Bulletproof Monk (2003) 11.05 The Descent (2005) 1.00am Kontroll (2003) 3.15 Close

8.40am The FBI Story (1959) 11.25 Go West (1940) 12.55pm Firecreek (1968) 3.00 Pride And Prejudice (1940) 5.15 Four Eyes And Six Guns (1992) 7.00 My Favorite Year (1982) 9.00 Goodfellas (1990) 11.45 The Screening Room 12.15am The Rise And Rise Of Michael Rimmer (1970) 2.05 O Lucky Man! (1973)

4.40pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.20 FILM: Dad’s Army (1971) 7.10 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Fawlty Towers 9.45 It’s… The Monty Python Story 10.50 Python Night: Pythonland 11.10 Python Night: From Spam To Sperm 11.45 It’s… The Monty Python Story 12.55am Python Night

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans – The Ultimate Experience 10.45 FILM: The Man With Two Brains (1983) 12.25am Stewart Lee

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1:23 PM

Page 1

sunday 17 Inspector George Gently BBC1, 8.30pm Martin Shaw stars in the crime drama set in the 1960s as George Gently, a detective trying to come to terms with blurring lines between the police and criminals. When a young woman is raped and murdered, Gently and Bacchus are thrown into a world of racial intolerance, sexual jealousy and turf warfare.

The Incredible Human Journey BBC2, 9.30pm Dr Alice Roberts journey continues into Asia, she meets the nomadic Evenki people, and explores what may have occurred during human migration to produce Chinese physical characteristics. She also considers a controversial claim about Chinese evolution.

Poetry Please: Thirty Years Of The People’s Poetry BBC4, 9.30pm A behind the scenes look at the world’s longest running poetry request programme, following the programme-makers, presenter Roger McGough and ordinary listeners of the Radio 4 show. Poets, actors and famous fans including Rick Stein, Kenneth Cranham and Andrew Sachs.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Keeping Up Appearances 2.00 EastEnders 3.55 My Family 4.25 Points Of View 4.40 Songs Of Praise 5.15 Lifeline 5.30 Last Of The Summer Wine

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Dinosapien 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 8.57 The Owl 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm Animal Park 12.30 MotoGP 2.00 Gymnastics 3.30 Tennis: Wimbledon – A Centre Court Celebration 5.00 Athletics: Great Manchester Run

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.40 FILM: Mutiny On The Buses (1973) 1.20pm ITV News And Weather 1.25 FILM: Shalako (1968) 3.35 Britain’s Got Talent 4.35 FILM: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985)

6.30 Ray Mears Goes Walkabout Ray Mears finds out how John McDouall Stuart became the first European to succeed in crossing this continent from South to North and back again. 7.30 The Car Show A look at the classic magazine shows of the 1960s and 70s like Wheelbase, which spawned the next generation of programming such as the original Top Gear with Angela Rippon and Noel Edmonds. 8.30 South Pacific The South Pacific islands may be the most isolated in the world, but across this region every one of its 20,000 islands has been colonised. This is the story of the ultimate castaways – from saltwater crocodiles and giant eels to crested iguanas – who have reached islands thousands of miles apart. The voyages of the South Pacific’s first people, the Polynesians, were no less remarkable. Their journeys were some of the greatest acts of navigation ever undertaken. 9.30 The Incredible Human Journey See highlights. 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles introduces all the goals and highlights from the weekend’s Barclays Premier League matches. 11.30 The Graham Norton Show Uncut 12.15am Heroes (x2) 1.40 BBC News 2.50 The Super League Show

6.15 Meridian News And Weather 6.30 ITV News And Weather 6.45 Beat The Star A female rugby referee battles Olympic medal-winning cyclist Rebecca Romero in a series of gruelling physical and mental challenges. 8.00 Heartbeat Rachel, Joe and Carol go to Australia in search of a missing person – Rosie and Carol’s long-lost brother. 9.00 Martin Clunes: Islands Of Britain In the final part, Martin heads for the playground isles of the south, where he swims with seals and visits the island family who lost Putney in a game of cards. He also encounters a man with the right to sleep with fellow islanders’ brides, and takes a ride in a private jet. 10.00 ITV News And Weather 10.15 Out Of Nigeria (Part 2): The South Bank Show Second film in a double-edition profiling the work of Nigerian writers Chinua Achebe and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. 11.15 Crossing Jordan Macy and Woody make a surprising discovery while investigating the death of a soldier, meanwhile Jordan learns that human remains have been found in a house with connections to her past. 12.15am It’s My Life 1.15 Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.05 Quincy, ME 3.00 Make My Kids Happy: Tonight (Part 2) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

5.15am–8.00 Children’s television 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Animal Families 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Michaela‘s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 John Lydon Goes Ape 12.00pm Helicopter Warfare 1.00 FILM: Hangman‘s Knot (1952) 2.35 FILM: They Were Expendable (1945) 5.10 Five News 5.15 FILM: My Girl (1991) 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights from day four at the Riverside Ground. 8.00 FILM: Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves (1991) Starring Kevin Costner, Alan Rickman, Morgan Freeman, Mary Mastrantonio, Christian Slater and Geraldine McEwan. Romantic action adventure based on the legendary nobleman turned outlaw. See film highlights. 10.50 FILM: A Perfect World (1993) Starring Kevin Costner, Clint Eastwood, Laura Dern. Drama about an escaped prisoner who kidnaps a young boy and grows attached to him. The convict takes the boy with him as he goes on the run and the pair form an unusual bond. A team of Texas Rangers led by an honourable sheriff closes in on the fugitive. 1.25am Rolex Grand American 2.15 Boxing Classic 2.45 Boxing USA 3.45 Motorsport Mundial 4.10 FIM Motocross 5.00 Kid’s TV

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 Spanish Football

6.00 Chelsea Flower Show Alan Titchmarsh presents an exclusive preview of the RHS Chelsea Flower Show from the grounds of the Royal Hospital Chelsea. On the eve of the opening day, there is a first look at the show gardens and the floral exhibits in the great pavilion. Also, the emotional inspiration that lies behind the garden of one Italian designer making his Chelsea debut. 7.00 BBC News 7.15 South East Today 7.30 Countryfile Rural affairs. 8.30 Inspector George Gently See highlights. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Reggie Perrin When Reggie goes to Helsinki on a business trip with Jasmine, his marriage to Nicola faces its sternest test. Meanwhile, Chris has concerns that Reggie is faltering. 10.50 FILM: Gregory’s Girl (1981) BAFTA award winning film. Gregory and his schoolfriends are starting to find out about girls. He fancies Dorothy, not least because she has got into the football team – and is a better player than him. He finally asks her out, but it is obviously the female‘s in control of matters here 12.15am Weatherview 12.20 Sign Zone: Terry Pratchett – Living With Alzheimer’s 1.20 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.20 Sign Zone: DIY SOS 2.50 BBC News

5.50am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 FIA GT Championship 7.30 FIA GT3 Championship 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 8.55 Friends 9.25 T4 Movie Special 9.55 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.25pm Friends 1.00 Green Day Live From Abbey Road 1.35 The Big Bang Theory 2.05 The Big Bang Theory 2.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.40 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Supernanny US 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Big Art Bold arts series in which original works – commissioned by the general public – are brought to life around the UK. Artists from St Helens, Burnley, Beckton Alp and Belfast showcase their work. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Sarah Harris from Bristol serves up a West Country themed menu with cider. 9.00 The Unloved Oscar-nominated actress Samantha Morton makes her directorial debut for Channel 4 with a drama about life in a children’s home from the perspective of two young children. 11-year-old Lucy is placed into Crop Row children‘s home after being beaten by her father. Made to share a room with 16-year-old Lauren, the older girl is initially hostile towards her, but a friendship begins to grow and Lucy‘s situation improves, until a Christmas party at the home goes horribly wrong. 11.10 FILM: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) Starring Jordana Brewster. Horror prequel about four young people who seek refuge with the sheriff of a small Texan town after a car accident, unaware that he is really the uncle of a psychopath whose murderous skills he wishes to hone on them. 12.55am FILM: Chak De! India (2007) 3.35 The Playful Muse 3.55 Akbar‘s Cheetah 4.00 Time Team 4.55 In Your Dreams 5.05 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am WWE Wrestling Special 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Premiership Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 3.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 WWE Judgement Day Preview 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Spanish Football 8.30 WWE Judgement Day Preview 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 WWE Judgement Day Preview 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE Golf: Irish Open 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 WWE Judgement Day Preview 6.00 WWE Experience 7.00 NASCAR 9.00 WWE Judgement Day Preview 9.30 WW: Late Night Afterburn 10.30 WWE Vintage Collection 11.30 WWE Wrestling Special 12.30am WWE Judgement Day Preview 1.00 Golf Night 3.30 Close

Marie Vagen

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

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More4

Living

12.00pm WWE Judgement Day Preview 12.30 Futurama 1.00 The Real A & E 2.00 Lost (x3) 5.00 Lost: Journey Through Time 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 Lost 10.50 Lie To Me 11.50 Road Wars (x2) 1.40am Street Wars 2.35 The Villa

7.00pm Most Annoying Couples 7.05 Snog Marry Avoid? 7.35 FILM: Serendipity (2001) 9.00 Pulling 10.00 Family Guy 10.25 American Dad! 10.45 Ideal 11.15 Drinking With The Girls 12.15am Pulling 1.15 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.45 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 2.45 Ideal 3.15 Drinking With The Girls

7.00pm North And South 8.00 Wainwright Walks: Coast To Coast 8.30 Rain 9.30 Poetry Please: Thirty Years Of The People’s Poetry 10.00 The Addictions Of Sin: WH Auden In His Own Words 11.00 Tell Me The Truth About Love 12.00am Queens Of British Pop 1.05 Dusty 1.30 Cilla

11.40am The British Soap Awards 2009 1.40pm All Star Mr & Mrs 2.40 FILM: Back To The Future Part II (1989) 4.50 FILM: Back To The Future Part III (1990) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.05 FILM: The Bourne Supremacy (2004) 1.10am Teleshopping

11.20am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.25pm Inspector Morse 2.25 Kavanagh QC 4.05 Wycliffe 5.15 Doctor Zhivago 6.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 8.00 Beyond A Joke 9.00 FILM: Carry On Cruising (1962) 10.50 Rising Damp (x2) 11.55 PD James: Taste For Death (x2) 1.55am Surgical Spirit (x2) 2.50 The Wonder Years

12.25pm Kevin Hill 1.20 Ugly Betty 2.10 Joan Of Arcadia 3.05 Joan Of Arcadia 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 12.55 Dark Angel 1.50 The Simple Life

10.00am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.25pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.10 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 River Cottage: Gone Fishing 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Addicted To Surrogacy 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.45 Deal Or No Deal

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Charmed 1.00 Home Video Heroes (x2) 2.00 America’s Next Top Model (x4) 6.00 Extreme: Skinny Celebrities 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Eurotrash: The Sexy Bits (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm World War II: The Complete History (x4) 4.00 Mythbusters (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Hitler’s Henchmen 9.00 SAS: Special Forces Heroes 10.00 JFK: Inside The Target Car 11.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting

12.30pm FILM: Mystery Of The Crystal Skulls (2008) 2.20 FILM: Force Of Impact (2005) 4.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 6.00 A Town Called Eureka 7.00 Knight Rider 9.00 FILM: Hydra (2009) 10.50 FILM: The Prophecy (1994) 12.50am FILM: The Snake King (2005)

12.40pm The High And The Mighty (1954) 3.10 The Movie Geek 3.40 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 5.25 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 7.15 Detective Story (1951) 9.00 Sweet Charity (1969) 11.30 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 1.15am Detective Story (1951) 3.10 The Movie Geek

11.00amThe Counterfeiters (2007) 12.40pm Factory Girl (2006) 2.25 The Singer (2006) 4.25 Barton Fink (1991) 6.25 This Is My Father (1998) 8.25 The Escapist (2001) 10.00 In Bruges (2008) 11.50 Bringing Out The Dead (1999) 2.00am Factory Girl (2006)

1.00pm Volcano (1997) 2.55 Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 4.50 Dancing At Lughnasa (1998) 6.40 Batman Forever (1995) 9.00 The Italian Job (2003) 11.05 My Cousin Vinny (1992) 1.25am Theodora Goes Wild (1936) 3.20 Close

10.30am The Screening Room 10.55 A Little Romance (1979) 1.00pm Five Days One Summer (1983) 3.00 The Barkleys Of Broadway (1949) 5.00 Easter Parade (1948) 7.00 Mrs Soffel (1984) 9.00 Batman Forever (1995) 11.25 Running On Empty (1988) 1.45am See You In The Morning (1989)

4.45pm As Time Goes By 5.20 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 6.00 One Foot In The Grave 6.40 Steptoe And Son 7.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Fawlty Towers Exclusive: Basil’s Best Bits 11.05 Fawlty Towers (x2) 12.30am Fawlty Towers Exclusive: Basil’s Best Bits 2.30 Bread

7.00pm Scrubs 7.30 The Office: An American Workplace 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 10.30 Grumpy Old Holidays 11.10 Two And A Half Men 11.40 The King Of Queens 12.10am The Office: An American Workplace (x2)

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10:39 AM

Page 1

monday 18 South Pacific BBC2, 7pm The South Pacific may be the most isolated in the world, but across this region every one of its 20,000 islands has been colonised. This is the story of the ultimate castaways – from saltwater crocodiles and giant eels to crested iguanas – who have reached islands thousands of miles apart.

The Battle For Middle Earth Channel 4, 9pm Justin Hardy re-imagines the story of 1066, examining the events around the great battles of Fulford, Stamford Bridge and Hastings, and their effect on ordinary people. In the first of two parts, newlywed Tofi and his farmer friend Leofric are wrenched from their Sussex village by an English warrior.

Beyond A Joke ITV3, 9pm The series examines the politically incorrect world of the 70s and 80s sitcom, illustrated with clips including Mind Your Language, Til Death Us Do Part and Love Thy Neighbour. The programme looks at how the boundaries have changed in terms of acceptable comedy. Narrated by Dave Lamb.

terrestrial

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Chelsea Flower Show 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Tronji 3.50 Funky Fables 4.00 The Owl 4.05 Beat The Boss USA 4.35 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Children’s TV 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Telling Tales 11.05 Telling Tales 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Let’s Write Poetry: The Big Slam 11.40 Let’s Write A Story 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Animal 24/7 2.15 Car Booty 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The English Democrats 6.00 Eggheads The team is made up of some of the country’s top quiz champions, including Barry Simmons, Millionaire winner Judith Keppel, Mastermind winner Chris Hughes, three times world quiz champion Kevin Ashman, Weakest Link winner CJ de Mooi and 15-1 winner Daphne Fowler. 6.30 Great British Menu The chefs of London and the South East prepare their starters. Joining them in the kitchen to cast an impartial eye over the proceedings is former Great British Menu champion Jason Atherton. 7.00 South Pacific See highlights. 8.00 Chelsea Flower Show A look at the overseas designers putting their own spin on the quintessential English gardening style and a preview of a garden that boasts some very strange planting schemes. 9.00 The Trouble With Working Women This programme asks why is it that men still dominate the top jobs and why do men, on average, earn £369,000 more than a woman across their career? 10.00 Have I Got News For You Wth guest host Rolf Harris and guest panellists Andy Hamilton and Julia Hartley Brewer. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections By The Green Party 11.25 The Wire 12.20am BBC News 3.00 PSHE

5.50am Kid’s TV 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Colin And Justin’s – How Not To Decorate 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: Still Crazy Like A Fox (1986) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 6.30 Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 LIVE Test Cricket 2.30pm LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy is shocked to learn that Nicola is pregnant with his child. Cain takes matters into his own hands before the residency hearing. Lizzie becomes embroiled in David and Pollard’s political battle. 7.30 Coronation Street Paula has some dramatic news for the Grimshaws. Can Ramsay persuade Norris to forgive him? Relations are strained between Ken and Deirdre. 8.00 Pay Drop Britain: Tonight Would you take a pay drop to save your job? Fiona Foster reports on the companies cutting wages or hours to stave off redundancies. 8.30 Coronation Street Colin’s past results in further tragedy. Michelle finds herself in great demand. Tony rejects Natasha in favour of Maria. 9.00 Tears, Lies And Videotape Programme looking at the behaviour of some notorious criminal liars, including Shannon Matthews’ mother Karen, Gordon Wardell and Tracie Andrews, Ian Huntley and Fadi Nasri. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 FILM: Last Action Hero (1993) See film highlights. 12.50am UEFA Champions League Preview of next week’s final in Rome. 1.20 British Touring Car Championship 2.40 Loose Women 3.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer gets a night-shift job driving an ambulance, leaving Marge free to write a novel during the day. 6.30 Hollyoaks Anita plots revenge on Gov for accusing her of bullying Lauren. Zak suspects Zoe of making a porn movie. Zoe finally cracks and admits to plagiarising Mile’s script. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: The Long Weekend Short programme. 8.00 Dispatches Jane Moore investigates the British bankers who helped cause the credit crunch and who have been amply rewarded for their failings. 9.00 1066: The Battle For Middle Earth See highights. 10.35 FILM: Hide And Seek (2005) Starring Robert De Niro, Dakota Fanning. Psychological horror. Following his wife’s suicide a psychologist moves to the country with his young daughter for a fresh start. An imaginary friend becomes the focus of some highly disturbed behaviour and the father attempts to counsel his daughter, but this friend might not be as imaginary as the rational doctor first thought. 12.35am NY-LON Edie struggles to find the right moment to discuss Michael with her friends and lies about her plans for the weekend. 1.35 FILM: Rat (2000) 3.10 Hill Street Blues 4.00 We Are From... (x8)

6.00 Home And Away Belle finds the courage to leave rehab. Geoff comes to a decision about Claudia. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad The stakes are high for a retired racehorse. A serious leg injury means he has been confined to barracks for six months. 6.55 PEB: The Labour Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents highlights from day five. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer tips. Jason Bradbury Jason tests the latest cutting-edge skates and Ortis tries out some advanced boxing fitness technology. 9.00 FILM: Message In A Bottle (1999) Starring Robin Penn, Kevin Costner, Paul Newman. Romantic drama. A lonely divorcee who finds a message in a bottle washed up on the beach. She eventually locates the writer, a widower who is in the habit of sending love letters to his late wife. But can a relationship develop from such improbable beginnings? 11.35 FILM: Postcards From The Edge (1990) Starring Meryl Streep, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Quaid. See film highlights. 1.30am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.30 USPGA Golf 3.20 AMA 4.10 Arenacross 5.00 UEFA Cup 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Watchdog Consumer news. 8.00 EastEnders Nick’s blackmail forces Billy into a desperate corner, Libby has a shock for Chelsea, and Bradley implores Syd to give their relationship a second chance. 8.30 Panorama This programme follows a British family to China as they pin their hopes on a new stem cell therapy to give their daughter sight. As evidence mounts that some treatments offered abroad are bogus, will the child’s eyesight improve, or are they destined for disappointment? 9.00 Ashes To Ashes When a violent burglary occurs at Alex’s inlaws’ house, she comes face-to-face with their son Peter, the 14-year-old future father of Molly! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The English Local Elections By The Green Party 10.40 The Omid Djalili Show 11.10 Inside Sport Sports show. 11.40 FILM: Code Breakers (2005) Starring Jeff Roop, Scott Glenn. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: South Pacific 2.10 Sign Zone: How Woolies Became Wellies: One Woman’s Fight For The High Street 3.10 Sign Zone: Real Rescues 3.55 BBC News

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 Extra Time 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 Golf 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Poker 12.00am Speedway 2.00 Poker 4.00 Golf 5.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 8.30 Golf Night 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm The Super 14 Show 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 H2O Sports International 3.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 LIVE Winning Post 9.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Marie Vagen

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Tabatha’s Salon Takeover 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 24 10.00 Road Wars (x2) 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Street Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Bizarre ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Pulling 12.45am Gavin And Stacey 1.15 Ideal 1.45 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 2.45 Pulling 3.45 Bizarre ER 4.15 Doctor Who Confidential

7.00pm News 7.30 The Narnia Code 8.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 9.00 The Great Contemporary Art Bubble 10.00 The Baby And The Buddha: Storyville 11.30 The Lost World Of Tibet 12.30am Queens Of British Pop 1.30 Kate 2.15 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 2.45 The Great Contemporary Art Bubble

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.10 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 8.00 Primeval 9.00 The Chopping Block 10.00 FILM: Notting Hill (1999) 12.35am Coronation Street (x2) 1.35 Teleshopping

12.30pm Carry On Laughing 12.55 Heartbeat 2.00 Ballykissangel 3.05 Hornblower 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 The Beiderbecke Affair 9.00 Beyond A Joke 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 The Lakes 12.15am Hornblower 2.10 Clocking Off 3.05 Surgical Spirit (x2)

12.45pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 FILM: The Abyss (1989) 12.45am Scrubs (x2) 1.40 My Name Is Earl 2.10 Joan Of Arcadia

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Abroad 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Kirstie’s Homemade Home 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.05 Grand Designs 12.10am ER

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 Private Practice 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Paul McKenna: I Can Make You Thin 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 Trophy Wives 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Whale Wars 10.00 Mythbusters 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2) 1.00 A Haunting

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 11.00 FILM: Lightspeed (2006) 12.40am FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 2.30 3rd Rock From The Sun

9.10am Attack! (1956) 11.00 McLintock! (1963) 1.10pm The Movie Geek 1.40 Paint Your Wagon (1969) 4.25 Custer Of The West (1968) 6.50 McLintock! (1963) 9.00 Attack! (1956) 10.50 Paint Your Wagon (1969) 1.30am Louisiana Purchase (1941) 3.10 Safety Last (1923)

9.00am Waitress (2007) 10.50 The Movie Geek 11.20 The General (1998) 1.30pm Control (2007) 3.35 La Vie En Rose (2006) 6.00 Jindabyne (2006) 8.10 Waitress (2007) 10.00 The Lives Of Others (2006) 12.20am Control (2007) 2.35 The Lives Of Others (2006) 5.00 35mm

1.00pm Down To Earth (1947) 3.00 The Man In Grey (1943) 5.15 The Left Hand Of God (1955) 7.10 Bugsy Malone (1976) 9.00 The Waterboy (1998) 10.45 Four Brothers (2005) 12.50am Cabaret Balkan (1998) 3.00 Close

9.05am None But The Brave (1965) 11.10 A Night At The Opera (1935) 12.55pm Clash By Night (1952) 3.00 Great Catherine (1968) 4.55 To Trap A Spy (1966) 6.50 Falling In Love (1984) 9.00 Possession (2002) 11.00 Westworld (1973) 12.40am The Night Of The Iguana (1964) 2.50 There Was A Crooked Man (1970)

3.40pm Ever Decreasing Circles 4.20 My Family 5.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 Citizen Smith 6.20 Porridge 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 The Thin Blue Line 9.00 Fawlty Towers (x4) 11.55 Men Behaving Badly 12.35am French And Saunders 1.15 Citizen Smith

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie