Latest Seven: Issue 425 25 May - 1 June by Latest Homes

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 26 May – 1 June 2009

FREE WEEKLY

beyoncé knowles on becoming a woman scorned take five explore brighton’s new boho district

nice work andrew kay visits the cote d’azur

life’s a beach latest

terry callier and the stars head to beachdown festival page 26

wave

the uk’s best free green & ethical lifestyle magazine is now inside latest 7 (p18)

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–12 5 Seann feels the wrath 5 Will gets back on the saddle 6 Competitions: see Lee from Steps die 6 Social Diary meets Anish Kapoor 7 Dani tackles the justice system 8 Bare Cheek with more about Hove 8 Astral Angi finds your perfect job 9 Celebcity parties with MTV

★ latest news 10–12 10 News summary and Mary Mears at the beach

11 Phil Mills watches Heather Mills (no relation) cook something up

12 Letters: help out at Hanover Day 12 Sport: plans for Sussex County Cricket 12 Crossword: while away the hours

★ latest lifestyle 13–18 13 Fiveways:

Brighton’s new boho district

17 Andrew takes a day trip to France 18 Hotlist: don’t eat out unprepared

Welcome B

★ latest listings 19–39 19 Reviews The last days of the festivals

21 Stage It’s murder at Devonshire Park

23 Film Beyoncé talks about her meatiest role

24 Comedy Geoff Norcott gets all romantic

24 Art Think again about landscape photos

25 Kids & Events Let’s hear it for sharks

25 Books Rediscover Brighton with Jackie Wills

26 Music On the cover: Beachdown Festival line-up, news and launch party Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

29 Clubs Get your feathers and leathers out

30 Gay It’s all about sport

32 TV After the festival: the sofa is your friend

23 25

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

righton Festival and Fringe finished on Monday with the Latest Awards, a glittering awards ceremony hosted by this magazine in partnership with the Parlure Spiegeltent. Check out next week’s magazine for a full list of winners and pictures from the night. Meanwhile, life in Brighton moves on and another month, another festival... This Thursday is the launch of Beachdown Festival at Brighton Coalition, with a live performance by our cover star Terry Callier and DJ sets. Turn to Jeff Hemmings’ music section to hear more and to find out how to get tickets (p26). Sharks are one of nature’s most aweinspiring creatures but, do you know what? Sometimes they just don’t feel appreciated. That must be why Blue Reef Aquarium in Hastings is hosting Shark Appreciation Week. If you fancy a family day out with some bite, turn to our kids and events section on page 25. Fiveways is one of those places you probably don’t stop off at much if you don’t work or live there – but you should reconsider. In recent years the area has been filled with interesting cafés, pubs, shops, restaurants and businesses. See our feature starting on page 13 for a little bohemia in suburbia. Brighton Lesbian and Gay Sports Society (BLAGSS) is one of the most successful sports organisations in the city and was shortlisted for a Stonewall Award last year. Now the group is hosting Brighton and Hove’s first Gay Sports Summit, to be held at Brighton Racecourse. Read more in Latest Gay (p30). Comedy writer Victoria Nangle chatted to stand-up Geoff Norcott and found out how his Brighton show this week is really a gesture of love (p24). In the food section, restaurant critic Andrew Kay popped off to Nice for a mid-week outing (p17) on one of our dreary spring days. In film, Beyoncé Knowles talks about stepping up to the challenge of her most demanding film role yet, as an indignant wife protecting her husband from a psychotic stalker in Obsessed (p23). If feel more like curling up on the sofa, see page 32 for your weekly, free eight page TV guide and what Dani makes of Extreme Male Beauty.

Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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22/5/09

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5/20/09

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann ate, as we all know, is a word undermined by exaggeration and over-use. It‘s a phenomenon so many words have to face: their significance and character attenuated by our inarticularcy. Someone may claim that he hates muesli when offered it – it‘s probably not really the case, unless he‘s allergic, or a loved one choked to death on it. Genuine hatred, like love, precludes reason to inspire extravagant acts. It is the most extreme state of dislike. If you hate muesli, you probably can‘t go to a supermarket without shouting at the Alpen. It is hate, after all, that led to 9/11. And blowing up buildings, as we all know, is not the same as refusing to eat a breakfast of oats and dried fruit. I‘m a frequent misuser of the word. Like so many people, I stumble through life mistaking hatred for mild discomfort or disagreement, or feigning it to veil some other state. I thought it worthwhile, after claiming to despise something trivial, to ask myself, “Do I really?” Do I really hate small talk, or am I socially awkward? Do I really hate low tables in pubs, or am I childishly fussy? Do I really hate sandals, or am I made to feel inadequate by people who

Seann Walsh wonders if there’s anything he really, really hates

Will eing in a relationship,” says my friend Michael (who has been in many, many relationships), “is like riding a bike.” I mull this over in silence, broken only by the cracking of ice in our G&Ts. “Do you mean,” I ask eventually, “it takes a lot of effort to get anywhere and then, once you have, it’s downhill all the way?” “What I mean, bitter lemon,” he says, “is, when you fall off your bike, you have to get right back on and keep pedalling.” “No…” I reply at length. “That’s not how break-ups work. You fall off your bike, you don’t get back on the same bike; you lie face down in the mud howling until a shiny new bike comes along, you clamber onto it before it notices you’re carrying so much emotional baggage its tyres will buckle under the strain, and before you know it, you’re back in the mud where you started.” “When you going to start dating again?” I look into my glass darkly. When am I going to start dating again? Having now officially been through more break-ups than Joan Collins has been through skin cells, the thought of putting myself through the relationship process all over again fills me with a weary sense of déjà vu.

“B

“Blowing up buildings, as we all know, is not the same as refusing to eat a breakfast of oats and dried fruit”

aren‘t ashamed of exposing their feet? The answer to all of those is predominantly the latter; if there‘s any genuine hatred at work, it‘s only there to garnish the more complicated alternatives. Genuine hatred is so rare that we have to qualify it to express it sufficiently and distinguish it from everyday uses. The entire weight of the word has been reduced by the culmulative effect of its every casual use, to the point where it‘s necessary to say ‘genuine hatred‘, when we merely mean ‘hatred‘. It‘s unreasonable to complain about this state of affairs. Nothing in regular use can sustain its original state. That rule applies to all things, from cars to football pitches to furniture. And nothing is in more regular use than language. There is, thankfully, no governing body for language usage. It evolves and shifts freely because of us. Some countries do have such bodies. France and Spain have academies which take it upon themselves to dictate what is correct and what isn‘t, but it doesn‘t make any difference: the languages continue to shift as all others do, while some pompous people are ignored. Which is good, because everyone hates pompous people.

Newly single Will Harris gears himself up to go on “I look into my glass darkly. When am I going to start dating again?”

Think back to your first few relationships. Wasn’t everything exciting? Didn’t you have the feeling you were going somewhere, that every new experience – meeting the friends, cooking together, those amazing first kisses – was another milestone along the road that would eventually lead you into that glorious technicolour sunset? The trouble is, having now hiked that same stretch of road too many times, my feet ache, I’m bored of the scenery, and each new journey increases my suspicion that I’m walking not into the watercolour hues of a sunset, but one all-consuming fireball of a supernova. And, even though I know I’ll get burnt, still I walk. “That’s a shame,” says Michael, fiddling with his phone, “because I thought you might like to go for a drink with a very good friend of mine. I have him here somewhere…” I take the phone and look at the screen. I look some more. Strange. Perhaps it’s the gin but suddenly my feet aren’t aching so badly. Hell, maybe if I had another one with Michael’s friend, I might even be ready to stretch my legs for a spell. I may have had my fair share of relationships, but I’m certainly no bike.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Stomp-Live Stomp has been one of the biggest stage shows of the last decade. Its unique use of everyday implements as musical instruments has become popular around the world, touring 43 countries and having residencies in London, New York and Las Vegas. Last year the show returned to the Brighton Dome for a homecoming performance, recorded to DVD. For a chance of winning one of three copies of this unique show, tell us: From which UK city does Stomp originate? See below for entry details.

▲

Strictly Knockouts This compilation of the best knockouts from the last twenty years of British boxing will keep boxing fans on the edge of their seats. Fights include Chris Eubank’s entrance onto the UK scene and Johnny ‘the entertainer’ Nelson’s homecoming bout. For a chance of winning one of three copies of this new DVD tell us: On which reality TV show was Chris Eubank the first to be evicted? See below for entry details.

▲

Ten Dead Men This new British revenge thriller was filmed in Brighton and Hastings and includes a scene in which Lee Latchford, formerly of Steps, is strangled to death. We have three copies of this new DVD up for grabs and five film posters for the runners-up. Just tell us: How is Lee killed in Ten Dead Men? See below for entry details.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 8 June

hangs out with inspirational festival figures…

More Kapoor Brighton has made worldwide headlines over the past few months because of the groundbreaking work in this year’s Brighton Festival. Guest artistic director Anish Kapoor exhibited a number of existing and new installations across the city, and his themes inspired the Festival’s permanent artistic directors in their programming. Those themes included martyrdom and barbarism – both represented by the Dismemberment Of Jeanne d’Arc at The Old Municipal Market. Kapoor, who won The Turner Prize in 1991, was commissioned by the Festival to create the site-specific installation. I caught up with him at the official launch of the sculpture on 1 May.

Drookit Dogs

Anish Kapoor

Frederica – Honeylulu

Honour Mission and Michael ‘Atters’ Attree

All rise Set back from the seafront on Waterloo Street in Hove, sits St. Andrew’s – a beautiful Grade I Listed church, built in 1827. This prestigious church opened its doors to Fringe for the first time and presented over 100 shows with international and local talent courtesy of Fletch Productions. St Andrew’s enjoyed a month of comedy capers, spectacular cabaret, literary loquacity, family fun and music. Fletch Productions was delighted to work in partnership with the Friends of St Andrew’s

and its rental fees went towards preservation of the church’s clock tower. Fletch Productions brings 5-star international shows to festivals, private and corporate events, showcasing the best comedy, cabaret and music and constantly seeking out the hottest emerging artists. With a huge variety of experience in production, promotion, marketing, PR, sponsorship and event management, Fletch Productions manages all aspects of putting on a top quality show and engaging and delighting audiences of all tastes.

The Raymond and Mr Timpkins Revue

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani

Dani meditates on crime and punishment

have never claimed to be politically minded. In general I favour things that make sense and politics rarely seem to, especially where punishment is concerned. While watching a documentary on the Crime channel, I learnt that a man who had murdered a number of women was sentenced to 146 years in prison. This is a great example of what I meant when I said that certain things don’t make any sense to me. How is it possible to charge someone who is human and already a third of their way through their life with a punishment of 146 years? Do they keep his decaying body behind bars until he has served his entire sentence? No! So how the hell do they come up with 146 years? Why not just say life and actually mean it? Even when someone is given life it doesn’t mean they will actually spend their entire life in prison. Most people that are put into prison are given a time frame set by the judge convicting them that means, for instance, they are sentenced to life imprisonment but after 15 years they are eligible to meet with the parole board and try their best to convince them that they will not hurt a fly. I understand that on these parole boards there are all sorts of people who are qualified in a number of ways to judge the mental state of the prisoner. But does anyone else think that if someone can commit a brutal crime they are also capable of claiming to have found God or seen where they went wrong, or of begging for forgiveness and all the other things they might say to get their freedom? I

Bless you I can’t believe it has taken a possible swine flu pandemic to get people to realise that they should cover their mouth and nose when they cough or sneeze! Really, it’s ridiculous. Are our manners really so bad that we have to be instructed by the government to raise a tissue or a hand to cover a cough or a sneeze? Was no one else taught this as a kid? It might make me sound like a prude, but surely covering your cough or sneeze is just common courtesy. Do we really need to be told about it as if it is some miracle cure scientists have just discovered?!

“Why not just say life and actually mean it?” understand if they do get out they are not left to run free – they have a licence that basically means if they appear to be a danger they will be put straight back into prison at any time and they have to meet regularly with the parole folk. I am a firm believer in the fact people can change, and I do believe some prisoners see the error of their ways and do genuinely feel bad. A documentary by Louis Theroux that aired not too long ago threw up a number of difficult questions on this exact subject. (Louis spent a week in a strange half way house in America where paedophiles were sent after

serving their prison time.) One man voluntarily decided to have a full castration in order to ‘cure’ himself but, even after taking that into consideration, the idea of him being sent out into the world was a difficult one to deal with. There is constant debate as to whether the death penalty should be brought back. Personally, I think the death penalty is an easy way out for the people who have committed horrific crimes. Also there is the chance that an innocent man could be wrongly punished and there is no way to turn back time. No matter what the government does, someone will complain, but I think it would help if people were not sentenced to things like 146 years in prison, regardless of what that actually means. To the outside world, it doesn’t sound quite right because, quite frankly, it is impossible.

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08 ONLY JOKING!

In & Out

Bare cheek

NOT VERY SUCCESSFUL SEQUELS EDITION

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

A local poet writes... Retired gasfitter and local bard Ron Outhouse, 69, presents another poem written specially for Bare Cheek

Have you noticed how many more black people there are around in Brighton these days?

...(The rest of this poem has been censored, torn up, sealed in lead, and dropped into the deepest part of the ocean.) Ron will be signing copies of his latest collection of nature poems, I Phoned Up And They Put Me Through To Some Bloke At A Call Centre In Bleeding Calcutta, on a fold-up green baize card table at the side of the café at Pavilion Gardens until the police move him on.

Wicked Chinese whispers Cauliflower Mongol bathroom radiator Cleethorpes gassing radiophonic biscuit barrel while his wife‘s away visiting tetanus Bunsen burner? Which Hartland, Connecticut zombie arse grouting a rough area of hats, Japanese hats, suds, coloured jugs, and medieval tracksuits?

more facts you didn’t know about fantabulous Hove

1 Hove Tennis, which was originated by Charles I on a state visit in 1643, is played with 22 balls simultaneously, and racquets made of human skin. 2 Every August, Hove hosts its annual ‘Home To Roost’ festival, dedicated to the unpopular John Thaw-starring Yorkshire TV sitcom, with many dressing up as the dad, the son, and that woman who played the cleaner, and a competition in which contestants strive to remember whether the show starred Reece Dinsdale or the similarly-named Dinsdale Landon.

Oops! Looks like slurpy captive hemlock grated jokey dung on ageing rupees! Shhh! Don't tell eleven middling pikelets sore girlbooks emerged foaming from cakes rakes pleurisy! Looks like fantastic lepers copped off with ground nuts before Basingstoke rummaged round vicar‘s woolly cranberry tombstone!

Astral Angi

• Man at The Top • And Now All This • Billy Liar on The Moon • Three Men On The Bummel • Auf Wiedersehen Pet 4

Out • Life at The Top • Tubular Bells II • The Acts of The Apostles • Alfie Darling • The Further Adventures of Lucky Jim Jean

Ron’s self-published poetry collections, Lazy Chrysanthemums, Do Do Ron Ron, and Give Me Five Minutes Alone In A Room With ’Em are all not available from Brighton bookshops. He is a regular (and lively!) contributor to many local newspaper letters pages and radio phone-in programmes.

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3 The ‘Hove Award’ is given, each year, to whichever inhabitant of Hove has, in the opinion of the judges, lead the most boring existence.

4 The Hove Foreign Legion, an elite fighting unit which men ‘join to forget’, boasts such famous alumni as Albert Camus, Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway, Jack Douglas, Willie Thorne, John Parrott, Cliff Thorburn, John Spencer, Joe Johnson, Lolly Pop, Creepy Car, Gums, Kid Kong, Odd Ball, and Smiler. 5 Hove job interviews are traditionally undertaken in the nude.

BARDSLEY’S

This week, Astral is careering about

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Are you happy in your work Aries? Do you go home at the end of the day with a sense of well being and satisfaction? Is your bank account full? Maybe now is change time. Try weaving.

Cancerians are best suited to ruftytufty jobs where jeans and plaid shirts are the order of the day and heavy workboots are encouraged. Find a job as bar staff in Kemp Town.

Librans weigh in rather light in some ways but when it comes to work they are the shire horses of the astral farm, never work-shy and always willing to go that extra mile – giddyup!

Capricorns will always find work in PR. PR is the natural home of the cool and in this environment they can sit about drinking lattes and organising parties for ever.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans enjoy work in every sense, from getting up with the lark and returning home at the end of a day, dog-tired but happy. Stick with what you have, why move.

Whatever job Leo finds will never satisfy the urge to be top cat. Probably best then to become a freelance something-or-other and be king of your own kitty litter tray.

Sneaky Scorpios are best suited to something slippery or sneaky like store detective or snake charmer. No really, stick with what you have, you’re lucky to have a job.

Aquarians, oh dear. Well let’s be frank and say leave well alone. As my Aunty Betty said, ‘You’ve done alright for someone who was only good at woodwork and colouring in.’’

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis see work as a means to an end – but what end, or whose? Are you in it for love or for money Gemini, for the art or for the artifact. Time to volunteer and do something for nothing.

Virgos should look closely at opportunities in the sex industry. Bodies are actively recruiting right now for people that are just like – well just about like anything you might be.

Sagis may seem like they are of retirement age but don’t be fooled, some are as young as we are. Getting work out of them is a different matter. If only snores could be used as energy.

Pisceans need not trawl the employment market as they will always be catch of the day. Celebrate this fishy fact with a nice skate wing and some mushy peas at Bardsley’s.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

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5/22/09

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AROUND TOWN 09

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L7NEWS

News Phil Mills says the carnivores and the herbivores were sizing each other up at Foodies At The Fringe

went to a Michelin star restaurant and I had to go backstage to show the chef how to cook an apple crumble, vegan-style.”she said. Heather said her dairy-free cakes were the best as far as her daughter Beatrice and Beatrice’s young friends were concerned. She said, “When my daughter goes to a party, I send her with a cake, and then all the kids end up eating that cake instead of the normal birthday cake.” Soya meat substitutes and leaf dishes seemed to go down well with the audience. Mrs Jane Smith said: “It was tastier than I imagined.” Heather told Latest 7, “I want people to try vegan for the sake of the environment – meat and dairy production is the biggest contributor to global warming.” Heather was applauded as she left the marquee after her hourlong presentation. She smiled at the audience as she walked away – just feet from a stall selling anything but veggie food. Sizzling away in pans were sausages and rashers of bacon, the type of food Heather’s rivals insist remains the culinary king. Proof of the pudding is in the cash register, as far as sisters Lozzie Johnston, 22, and Emma Heaps, 31, are concerned. They run Wheelies in Victoria Road, Portslade, close to Heather’s V-Bites. Their car-themed menu includes “The Pile Up”, comprising two slices of bacon, two eggs, two sausages, hash browns, beans, mushrooms, tomatoes and a fried slice – all for £5.90. Lozzie said: “We have doubled our business in the 22 months we’ve been running the café. We do offer a veggie breakfast – but we sell only about two of them per week. “There’s no way people are going to switch to vegan – us Brits just love our meat.” And customer David Chill agreed: “Veggie food is for bunnies – give me real meat every time.”

“Heather smiled at the audience as she walked away – just feet from a stall selling anything but veggie food”

Beans V bangers ir Paul McCartney’s ex-wife Heather Mills is opening a new vegan restaurant near Hove lagoon in July, and she used the Foodies At The Fringe event in Brighton as an opportunity to let members of the public sample some of her culinary creations. And while traditional seafront cafes insist there’s no substitute for a good old British fry up, most members of the public said they were pleasantly surprised by Heather’s veggie offerings at the Chef‘s Theatre in Jubilee Square. She did have one man worried at the start – he called out “It’s burning, I can smell it!” as steam poured from a wok, but Heather, 41, assured the audience all was under control. Wearing what appeared to be diamond earrings, a diamond ring and a diamond-encrusted watch, Heather, who won £24 million in her divorce settlement with the ex-Beatle, urged the audience to start eating vegan once a week to “help save the environment”. She recently paid £140,000 for the old Big Fish restaurant and is calling it V-Bites, which will serve only non-dairy and non-meat dishes. Sporting a V-Bites t-shirt and apron, Heather claimed vegan food is far more healthy and can help reverse problems including Type 2 diabetes. And, she said, she’s writing a book to show people how they can eat out in any restaurant and have the best vegan food. “I

Emma Heaps and Lozzie Johnston of Wheelies

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Take Stylish shopping, dining and relaxation at Fiveways

specialise in this – one of the city’s most popular districts. There are dealers in quality audio and TV equipment, ideally suited to the upwardly mobile young families who choose to live here and builders who have specific skills relating to the kinds of properties that they live in. Given that the Fiveways boom was in much part based on the desirability of being in certain local schools’ catchment areas, this is very much a family area with a great family feel. Local parks are well used and there is seldom a vista that does not include a Fiveways mum, buggy at the ready and toddlers at hand. There is even a shop that specifically deals in stuff for

Blakers Audio Visual Established in September 2008, Blakers Audio Visual Ltd draws on over 12 years’ experience in residential AV systems and designs, supplies and fits systems for clients throughout the South East, London and Europe. Based near Fiveways, Blakers AV has an expanding network of clients, including private individuals, architects and interior designers. Their bespoke design service and experienced installation engineers ensure that the company is able to offer a tailor-made experience to individuals and designers alike. From initial consultancy through to handover, whether designing a structured cabling network or installing a home cinema, they can help. Blakers Audio Visual, info@blakersaudiovisual.co.uk, 07593 392 330.

Tailor-made experience

Photos: David Coleby

or many years Fiveways was known for almost only one thing – the enormity of the road system and the number of traffic lights involved in making it function. Take a look at vintage photographs of the place and it would appear that it was always so. That is until the last few years when boom, Fiveways got fashionable, yes bohemia hit the suburbs and Fiveways is now the place to be. Of course Fiveways has always had a thriving retail core with butchers, greengrocers and bakers to boast of, but in recent years this has been added to. There are now cafés, bars and restaurants too. There are shops that sell stylish homewares, fancy goods and gifts. There are property businesses that

kiddies. And when mum or dad have pushed that buggy up Ditchling rise there is a podiatrist to deal with your aching feet or a beauty and therapy centre to soothe you in other ways. Yes Fiveways is certainly worth a visit, whether you live there or not, I know because the bakery is well worth a drive.

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5/22/09

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14 FIVEWAYS

Sole Sister

Bespoke service

Our feet carry us the equivalent of five times round the Earth in an average lifetime. In return, we rarely give them the attention they deserve, For many people, removal of hard skin, corns and a trim of difficult toenails can bring relief. For others, underlying biomechanical or medical issues require ongoing care. A consultation with a Podiatrist will identify any problems and recommend the best treatment for your needs. A typical session will include a footbath, nail trim, removal of hard skin and corns, followed by a revitalising massage. Any foot pathologies recognised and then a suitable treatment plan formulated. For as little as ÂŁ26 visit Sole Sister Podiatrists and give your feet a treat. Sole Sister, 136a Preston Drove 01273 553863

Cocoon Property Cocoon Propertyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s experienced building division can provide free advice on all aspects of property. Having previously developed flats and houses all over Sussex to sell, we also provide a bespoke service to private clients. This includes extensions, loft conversions, garden landscaping, decoration, carpentry, plumbing, electrical services, central heating installation, Velux window fitting and timber sash window repairs. Our experienced team is polite, conscientious and punctual; we provide a unique service, with a proven track record, to ensure your project is finished to a high standard. Cocoon Property can add genuine value to your home. Call 0800 612 6848/01273 541806 or visit www.cocoonproperty.co.uk

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FIVEWAYS 15

New Dawn New Dawn is a small company offering a personal service in beauty and holistic treatments. Located in the peaceful residential area of Preston Park/Five Ways, New Dawn have created a sanctuary for their clients to relax and unwind in complete privacy. Their clients are pampered and leave feeling fully refreshed and invigorated. A wide range of therapies are available, for a drug free approach including Kinesiology, Massage, Reflexology, Reiki and more. Beauty treatments are designed to suit individual needs using Yon-Ka products. There is also a comprehensive range of beauty treatments, manicure/pedicure, eye treatments, etc. Look us up at www.newdawnbrighton.co.uk New Dawn, 103 Havelock Road, Brighton BN1 6GL 01273 555592 www.newdawnbrighton.co.uk

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5/22/09

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16 FIVEWAYS

Wig Wam Embrace the changes!, Wigwam is changing – and the change is good! Between the two shops on Preston Drove, they are now stocking the following: • Schleich figures and animals • Sylvanian families • Playmobil • Wow! Toys • Little Missmatched socks, bags and accessories • Gormiti collectible figures • Moodiez bags and T-shirts • Street surfer skateboards • First bikes • Mini Microscooters • Crocs kids shoes • Djeco art ranges and puzzles

The unique mini Microscooter Little Missmatched funky footwear

…as well as the fantastic range of wooden toys, games, pocket money toys and newborn baby gifts they’ve become renowned for. Phew! How are they going to squeeze it all in? Come along and see for yourself…Fiveways residents may want to keep Wigwam to themselves, but the secret is out!! Wigwam, 140 and 267a Preston Drove, Brighton Tel: 01273 505504/554056

Successfully Selling in the Area David and Co have quickly established themselves as the leading Estate Agents in the area in the since setting up in 2005. With over 45 years of experience in residential sales and with our extensive knowledge of the local property market, we are able to provide a comprehensive service to our clients based on traditional values whilst using the latest innovations and technology. We are therefore able to offer an individual high quality service to both buyers and sellers alike with a view of taking out the stress and hassle of moving. The vibrant Fiveways community has a lot to offer families and professionals alike offering a variety of local services and individual shops, cafes and bars and within striking distance of the city centre, rail and road links to the south coast, London and Gatwick. The Fiveways locality offers many tree lined roads, a wide variety of period homes, easy parking and various local recreational facilities including both Preston Park and Blakers Park. The area is also well served with many local and popular schools catering for all age groups. The Fiveways artists open houses have formed part of the community for many years offering a comprehensive trail around the area with the opportunity of seeing many different art forms available in the area. If you are thinking of moving in or out of the area why not call in for a chat and see how either of the partners can help you. We can be found at Fiveways on the corner of Preston Drove and Edburton Avenue.

David & Co, 132a Preston Drove, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 6FJ. Tel: 01273 555333

www.davidandco.biz

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5/20/09

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay flies off to the Cote d’Azur for a day in Nice

Day-tripper ad as ever, my quizzing friends and me set off on a day trip to Nice. Aer Lingus were running a fabulous £23 inclusive return flight that simply had to be taken advantage of, so seven of us got up at 4am to do just that. Of course, everyone declared us mad, but in all truth the travel was far less arduous and actually took less time than if had we decided to go to Alton Towers. By 9.15am we were in Nice, and by half past, sipping great coffee and munching on petit pains au chocolat and croissants in a sunny square by the Palais de Justice. Ms B, who was with us, runs the tea bars at Brighton and Hove’s courts so it seemed highly appropriate. So there we were, with sunshine, sea, a superb fruit, cheese and flower market – and a weak pound. We reeled in horror to see that even in budget restaurants, a simple pizza margherita was selling for an astonishing 11 euros. I know – this was unlikely to be the gastronomic experience that one might have hoped for. We broke ranks and pottered around the city. I was inevitably drawn to shops and stalls selling food and drink and we did find an extraordinary shop where we ate amazing ice cream. I chose one scoop of fig and one of lemon and ginger. The latter was so intense that as well as serving as a dessert it could well have done a good job of cleaning sinks. Of course, the French are very good at marketing their food. But the simple inclusion of the word ‘artisan’ in any statement seems to add a credence to the product that quite frankly is not always deserved, in much the same way as we Brits have devalued the word ‘heritage’. Our host had wisely created a picnic buffet for lunch which made the whole thing more affordable, and I bought some ‘artisan’ un-pasteurised Corsican cheeses to add to the fare. This did deserve the title, and the fresh fruits from the market were equally superb.

“There we were, with sunshine, sea, a superb fruit, cheese and flower market – and a weak pound”

Nice has much in common with Brighton, like a big sister in many ways – or an older sister for sure, as the population is stylish but that bit more mature. It has lots of small independent fashion stores, bakeries and bars, and I was taken to a brilliant chocolatier who is a real artist. The beach is pebbles too and lined with bars, although they are far more aggressive and territorial than here, and outrageously expensive, with a glass of house rosé coming in at 5 euros. Nice is chic, Brighton is trendy. Nice is hot and Brighton cannot rely on the weather, certainly at this time of the year. Nice is foreign and Brighton is here, right under our very noses. Yes, I loved my trip to Nice. It is a truly fabulous place but what it really did was re-affirm my love of Brighton, which is my home – no travel required, great art and museums, brilliant bars and a wide range of places to eat and drink that were almost universally cheaper than our Gallic comparison. We do have great food here, good delis and bakers and butchers and confectioners – we just don’t wave our arms about quite so much and make a fuss. Anyone facing credit crunch blues should cheer up and realise that here in Brighton, every day can be a holiday if you choose to enjoy what this rich city has to offer. I will return to Nice, and for longer next time, as I did love the atmosphere, but this weekend I am going to bask in the glory of our own fabulous city.

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18 HOT LIST this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

latest hot

LIST

Preston Park Tavern

RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, Sam’s of Brighton

A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this familyfriendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton BN1 3TD, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton BN2 1HA, 01273 76222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

French New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect

setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem. Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10–11 New Steine, Brighton BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 or 695415

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast. Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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5/21/09

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LATEST LISTINGS 19

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 26 MAY – 1 JUNE Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk

lost to many of us and with that some of the beauty of the play. Despite this, it was an extraordinary performance and thoroughly enjoyable. Theatre Royal 12 May

★★★★✩ creative, intimate and funny in a way that felt tailored to our specific ensemble. A little rough around the edges with still another hour of material yet to be tapped as the time ran out, he left us wanting more. And to buy him a pint. Patrick Monahan

Patrick Monahan Patrick Monahan is delightful. The audience was small but made to feel perfectly formed as he eased into the very first performance of his new Edinburgh show. Filled with friendly energy, it was as if he was auditioning to be our mate up there on the stage – commenting on the notes we’d been asked to give describing ourselves and comparing them to his own self-assessment. And passing with flying colours. This personable Geordie was fun,

Knock Knock@ Caroline of Brunswick, 13 May

★★★★✩ Victoria Nangle The Playboy of the Western World Druid Ireland’s presentation of Synge’s comic masterpiece had the audience gripped from the slow opening to the frantic climax. Beautiful characterisations, fabulous settings and great costumes all added to the whole experience. But sadly for some of the English audience, the dialect was hard to fathom and in particular that of central figure Christy Mahon. His words, or Synge’s, were simply

Andrew Kay Laughter and Literature Mil Millington is a somewhat sarcastic author whose observational writing is full of quietly-clever jokes, like a palatable, down-to-earth Will Self. Robert Rankin is a selfstyled madcap from the world of Terry Pratchett and Captain Beefheart. An odd mix, yet the readings by these writers hung together well. However, this one-hour show only allowed for the briefest of introduction – and the Q and A session was too rushed to yield any real insight or advice. Amusing stuff,

★★★★★ Mark Ede

22 Film

Victoria has a giggle with Geoff Norcott Robert Rankin

24 Art

★★★✩✩

Latest Music Bar 8 May

Whodunnit? Mysterious murders in Eastbourne

24 Comedy

Fletch at St. Andrews, 12 May

A Talk on the Wild Side – Herbie Flowers and friends (featuring Chris Spedding) If ever a UK film version of Standing in the Shadows of Motown were made, then Herbie Flowers would surely be our very own equivalent of that great 'funk brother' bassist himself, James Jameson. And, on this evidence, Flowers, a veteran of an estimated 500 plus hits and now in his seventies, wouldn’t need a script or a director, such was the aplomb with which he enthralled the crowd with his humour, music and storytelling. Interweaving groundbreaking songs on which he appeared – Lou Reed, Bowie and T Rex included – Flowers brought pop’s finest moments to life in the most entertaining fashion possible. This was fabulous stuff which should, without any shadow of a doubt, be recorded for prosperity. BBC Four take note.

21 Stage

We are just Obsessed with Beyoncé Knowles

some of it, but more like a free taster than a feast.

Hot review of the week

Beyoncé starring in Obsessed, p23

Ben Bailey Emmanuel Jal: War Child – A Boy Soldier’s Story Sudanese musician, author and campaigner Emmanuel Jal spoke of how he took up arms at seven and watched as friends, and family perished. He talked frankly of how he considered eating the flesh of his dying friends when close to starvation. Despite his horrific experiences, Jal showed tremendous energy and optimism, focusing on his campaign to build a school in South Sudan. Jal ended by performing ‘Emma’, his emotional song about the charity worker who helped smuggle him to safety. Despite their initial reticence, Jal had the literary crowd dancing in the aisles. Corn Exchange, 11 May

★★★★★

Poignant photography at Crane Kalman

25 Kids & events Something fishy is occuring in Hastings

25 Books Brighton poet Jackie Wills waxes lyrical

26 Music Run to the hills! It’s Beachdown Festival

2 9 Clubs Where and when to shake your thang

30 Gay Brighton and Hove’s first gay sports summit

32 Television Prime your peepers it’s telly time!

Ralph Miller

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

020_LS425_Ads

5/20/09

11:53 AM

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5/21/09

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STAGE 21

Deadly deeds at Devonshire Park Tired of high art? Then why not try some bluff and double bluff… he thrilling murder mystery Strictly Murder by Brian Clemens comes to the Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne from 9 –13 June starring Mark Moraghan. From the pen of Brian Clemens, the creator of celebrated TV series The Avengers and The Professionals, this nail biting thriller is sure to have audiences on the edge of their seats until the final chilling conclusion! Set in April 1939, English artist Peter Meredith, who lives in the lush and beautiful countryside of Provence, shares his home and his life with Suzy, his young and trusting wife. They live in idyllic isolation, far – or at least it seems – from the rumblings of the coming war. However, their peaceful existence is shattered from within when Suzy finds out she has been betrayed – Peter is not the man he claims to be. What is his real name? What dreadful secret is he concealing? Is he a ruthless killer on the run and is her own life in danger? When a detective from Scotland Yard arrives, events become even more complicated and frightening. Lies, subterfuge and murder make this fast-moving thriller a dark and disturbing rollercoaster of bluff and double bluff. Starring Mark Moraghan, who is perhaps best known for his long standing role as Owen Davis in Holby City and as a memorable finalist in BBC’s Celebrity Masterchef, the cast also includes Nick Barclay and Katie Funk. Strictly Murder is at the Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne from Tuesday 9 – Saturday 13 June, with nightly performances at 7.45pm, Wednesday and Saturday matinees at 2.30pm. Tickets priced from £13.50 – £19.50 with concessions available. To book, call 01323 412000 or online www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

Stage listings Tuesday 26 May to Monday 8 June The Capitol, Horsham

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Bink and the Hairy Fairy Family musical from the authors of The Witch’s Bogey. • 30 May, 2pm, £8/7 Rattle of a Simple Man A revival of Charles Dyer’s classic 1960s comedy. Empathy develops between a timid football fan and a prostitute. • 5–6 June, 8pm, £15

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Carousel Rodgers and Hammerstein’s best loved musical – a stunning romantic fantasy. • 27–30 May, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat, £12–14

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Cyrano de Bergerac Legendary 17th century tail of secrets and passion. • 26–30 May, 7pm, £10–24 Wallenstein World premiere. A victim of his own military success, Wallenstein believes he alone can bring peace to the Empire. • 26 May–13 June, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm 30 May, 3, 6, 11 and 13 June. No shows 24, 31 May and 7 June, £26.50

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The BFG Roald Dahl’s classic story about young orphan Sophie and an unexpected friendship. • 26–30 May, 7pm Tue, 11am and 2pm Wed, 2pm and 7pm Thu, 2pm and 7pm Fri, 11am, 2pm and 6pm Sat, £10.50–15.50 Vincent in Brixton Based on historical fact – the story of Vincent Van Gogh in 1873 Brixton. • 1–6 June, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50

Treat yourself to a blast a of classic British pop The unforgettable hits of John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Cliff Richard and Billy Fury are celebrated at the Congress Theatre on Thursday 4 June, when the new show Made in Britain makes its first visit to Eastbourne. Featuring over two hours of these artists‘ best loved songs, sit back and enjoy hits including ‘Move It’, ‘The Young Ones’, ‘She Loves You’, ‘From Me To You’, ‘Last Night Was Made For Love‘, ‘Wondrous Place’, ‘A Hard Days Night‘, ‘Twist And Shout’, ‘Bachelor Boy’, ‘Summer Holiday’, ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ and more. The first half of this nonstop, hit-packed show features the early years where Cliff, Fury and The Beatles paved the way in British Rock n‘ Roll. Unforgettable million-sellers fill the show’s second half, highlighting classic Cliff and Fury pop tracks, plus songs taken from Lennon and McCartney's solo careers. From ‘Devil Woman‘, ‘Imagine’, ‘It’s Only Make Believe’ and ‘My Kinda Life’ through to ‘Halfway To Paradise’, ‘Miss You Night’, ‘Live And Let Die’ and

‘Come Together’, to name but a small selection. An explosive and dynamic finale will see the entire cast take to the stage and pay tribute to some of the best British Rock n‘ Roll songs ever recorded. An exciting medley of hits includes ‘Glad All Over’, ‘Out Of Time’, ‘When You Walk In The Room’ and ‘Shakin’ All Over’. Starring Michael King as Billy Fury, Steve Halliday as Cliff Richard, Paul Moroney as John Lennon and Dave Peterson as Paul McCartney, accompanied by top rock ’n’ roll band The Crown Jewels. Made in Britain is at the Congress Theatre, Eastbourne on Thursday 4 June, 8pm. If you can’t make this date, the show will be returning to Eastbourne on Friday 7 August. Tickets priced at £16.50 with concessions available. To book, call 01323 412000 or online www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

The Hawth, Crawley

Worthing: Connaught Theatre

01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk The Anniversary Black comedy by Bill MacIlwraith set in 1966 South London. • 27–28 May, please contact venue for show times and £

01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Essence of Ireland Journey through Ireland’s rich history of song and dance. • 26 May, 7.30pm, £16.50 The Buddy Holly Story Brand new production of this musical extravaganza with a prize for the best 50s fancy dress. • 1 June, 7.30pm, £21–28.50

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Sing-A-Long-A-Hairspray Screening of the hit film starring John Travolta with lyrics on screen, so sing along! Fancy dress recommended. • 26 May, 7.30pm, £tbc Aida A story of war, jealousy and revenge set against the Roman Colosseum. • 27 May, 7.30pm, £tbc Turandot Ellen Kent present the traditional opera celebrating Pavarotti’s life. • 28 May, 7.30pm, £tbc Carmen Featuring international soloists and the Chisinau National Philharmonic Orchestra. • 29–30 May, 7.30pm, £tbc My Fair Lady Timeless musical about a bet to turn a cockney flower girl into a social butterfly. • 2–6 June, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat, please check with venue to confirm £

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Essence of Ireland Journey through Ireland’s rich history of song and dance. • 26 May, 7.30pm, £16.50 Shaolin Warriors Spectacular theatrical kung fu from Beijing and enchanting music. • 30 May, 7.30pm, £19/£17 Horrible Histories World War 1 & 2 Two family shows: The Frightful First World War and Woeful Second World War. • 2–6 June, various show times, please contact the venue directly, £11/9/7.50

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5/21/09

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22 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 26 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 1.15, 2.15, 4.30, 7.30, 7.45, 8.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 10.45, 1.15, 3.45, 8.15 FIGHTING (15) 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 11.45, 2.15 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 11.00, 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 11.15, 12.15, 2.15, 3.15, 5.15, 6.15, 8.15 SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (15) 9.15 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.30, 8.30

Wednesday 27 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 1.15, 2.15, 4.30, 7.30, 7.45, 8.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 10.45, 1.15, 3.45, 8.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 7.00, 9.30 FIGHTING (15) 4.30, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 11.45, 2.15 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 11.00, 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00

STAR TREK (12A) 11.15, 12.15, 2.15, 3.15, 5.15, 6.15, 8.15, 9.15 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.30, 8.30

Thursday 28 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 1.15, 2.15, 4.30, 7.30, 7.45, 8.45 BRIDE WARS (12A) 10.30 CORALINE 3D (PG) 10.45, 1.15, 3.45, 8.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 7.00, 9.30 FIGHTING (15) 4.30, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 11.45, 2.15 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 11.00, 12.00, 2.00, 3.00, 5.00, 6.00, 8.00 STAR TREK (12A) 11.15, 12.15, 2.15, 3.15, 5.15, 6.15, 8.15, 9.15 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.30, 8.30

Films showing Friday 29–Monday 1 OBSESSED (12A), JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3D CONCERT EXPRIENCE (U)

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

Night at the Museum 2 (PG) Dir: Shawn Levy Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) and all the exhibits have been moved to the Smithsonian Institute in Washington. A bigger museum means more exhibitions, and so Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams). General Custer (Bill Hader) and Kah Mun Rah (Hank Azaria) join the original cast of misfits. Chaos ensues yet again as Daley tries to control the nocturnal antics of his charges. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 26

Friday 29

BARRY LYNDON (PG) 11.00am O’HORTEN (12A) 2.30, 8.30 SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 6.00

FUTURE SHORTS PLEASE SAY SOMETHING (No certificate) 11.30pm MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Wednesday 27

Saturday 30

BARRY LYNDON (PG) 11.00am O’HORTEN (12A) 2.30 SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 4.30

BLUE EYELIDS (15) 1.30 HOTEL FOR DOGS (U) 11.00am MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Thursday 28

Sunday 31

O’HORTEN (12A) 6.00 SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK (15) 1.00, 3.30

BADLANDS (RE) (15) 11.00am BLUE EYELIDS (15) 1.30 MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Monday 1 MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 1.30, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Star Trek (12A) Dir: JJ Abrams From Kirk (Chris Pine) brawling in a bar to the final assembly of the crew we know and love – Spock (Heroes’ Zachary Quinto), Bones (Karl Urban), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) – this is how they came to be boldly going where no one had gone before. And, of course, a battle with Romulan Nero (Eric Bana) to show their true mettle. Lush. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Fighting (15) Dir: Dito Montiel Channing Tatum (that dashing fellow from teen flick She’s The Man) is Shawn, a man who comes to New

0871 200 2000 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 11.40, 2.00, 3.00, 5.10, 6.10, 8.15, 9.15 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.50, 1.10, 3.30, 6.00 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 10.10,12.30, 2.50 MONSTERS VS ALIENS (IN 2D) (PG) 11.20am NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 10.20, 12.00, 1.00, 2.40, 3.40, 5.20, 6.20, 8.00, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 11.30, 2.30, 5.30, 6.30, 8.30, 9.30 TORMENTED (15) 11.50, 2.20, 4.50, 7.15, 9.40 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 8.45

Wednesday 27 12 ROUNDS (12A) 8.45 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 11.40, 3.00, 5.10, 6.10, 8.15, 9.15 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.50, 1.10, 3.30, 6.00 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 1.50, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 10.10,12.30, 2.50 MONSTERS VS ALIENS (IN 2D) (PG) 11.20am

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 10.20, 12.00, 1.00, 2.40, 3.40, 5.20, 6.20, 8.00, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 11.30, 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 TORMENTED (15) 11.50, 2.20, 4.50, 7.15, 9.40

Thursday 28 12 ROUNDS (12A) 8.45 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 11.40, 3.00, 5.10, 6.10, 8.15, 9.15 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.50, 1.10, 3.30, 6.00 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 1.50, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30

Films showing Friday 29–Monday 1 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Saturday 30

ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 2.00, 5.15. 8.15 (Mon 2.00 only)

MONSTERS VS ALIENS (PG) 10.15am CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Tues 26–Mon 1 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 7.30 (Tues-Sun) – 5.15, 8.00 (Mon only)

Drag Me to Hell (15) Dir: Sam Raimi L.A. loans officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) becomes cursed after repossessing the house of a myserious old woman. With the help of a seer, she attempts to dispel the curse, but how far is she willing to go for the cure? With Raimi back at the helm in the genre that made him famous, expect a thrilling encounter with the supernatural. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

O’Horten (12A) Dir: Bent Hamer In a life where linearity and repetition are key to your very existence, change is unwelcome, but can also prove a revelation. This is something which train driver Odd Horten (Baard Owe) discovers after missing what was suppossed to be his final jouney. Showing at Duke Of York’s

HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 10.10,12.30, 2.50 MONSTERS VS ALIENS (IN 2D) (PG) 11.20am NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 10.20, 12.00, 1.00, 2.40, 3.40, 5.20, 6.20, 8.00, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 11.30, 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 TORMENTED (15) 11.50, 2.20, 4.50, 7.15, 9.40

Tues 26–Mon 1

Angels & Demons (12A) Dir: Ron Howard Tom Hanks is back in this Da Vinci Code prequel (although director Ron Howard has spoken out naming it more a sequel than a prequel), summoned to the Vatican City to investigate a murder ominously tied to the Illuminati. With many more twists and turns, secret codes and flying-bythe-seat-of-your-pants mad dashes to save someone you can bet this is more of the same successful formula. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Synecdoche, New York (15) Dir: Charlie Kaufman The directorial debut of acclaimed writer Kaufman, the man behind Being John Malkovich, is unsurprisingly ambitious. Philip Seymour Hoffman is Caden, a director whose wife leaves him and new relationships run aground. So he runs off to New York to put on a stage play of brutal honesty. Showing at Duke Of York’s

www.cineworld.co.uk

Tuesday 26

York with nothing and finds himself drawn into the unsavoury world of bare-knuckle fighting. The punches in the ring are the least of the dodges he finds he has to pull just to survive, culminating in the fight of his life. Showing at Odeon

Ricky Gervais stars in Night at the Museum 2

Barry Lyndon (PG) Dir: Stanley Kubrick Kubrick’s Oscar-winning adaptation portrays the rise and fall of Irish rogue Redmond Barry (Ryan O’Neal). A cinematographic masterpiece which provides a visual feast for the audience. Showing at Duke Of York’s

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FILM 23

Crazy lady Beyoncé Knowles talks about taking on her toughest acting role yet for psychological thriller Obsessed bsessed began as a dark, abstract vision in the mind of Screen Gems’ president Clint Culpepper. He had an idea for a scary, dramatic thriller, and he needed a talented writer to bring the vision to life. Culpepper approached David Loughery, who wrote Screen Gems’ recent hit psychodrama Lakeview Terrace. Loughery couldn’t resist such a thrilling, captivating premise. The story, which he describes as a cautionary tale, centres on a happy, successful couple, Derek and Sharon Charles, who find their idyllic lives threatened by Lisa Sheridan, a temp at Derek’s office who develops a disturbing infatuation with him. For duelling femme fatales Sharon and Lisa, the filmmakers needed actresses who could effectively play such emotionally complex, physically demanding roles and could also walk the tightrope of drama and tone that comes with such an audiencerousing, engaging thriller. Beyoncé Knowles has an accomplished and steadily

growing acting CV, but this film marks a new direction for the performer. “This was definitely different for me,” Knowles says. “This is a psychological thriller,

“Usually, the man in the end, comes and saves the day”

but it’s not just any thriller. It’s very smart and not typical.” Obsessed is Knowles’ first purely dramatic role portraying a character other than a singer or performer. “This is the deepest I’ve ever gone to be prepared for a film,” she says. “It’s not about anything but the emotion and psychology of the relationship between Derek and Sharon.” In preparing for her role,

Win cinema tickets to a film of your choice at the Odeon Brighton For a chance to win this week’s tickets, answer this question: What was the name of Beyoncé Knowles’ world-famous girl group? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Obsessed’ in the subject box, or write to us at the address on page three. Closing date for entries is Monday 8 June. The winner will get a pair of tickets to see a film of their choice. Proof of age may be required.

Director Steve Shill, Beyoncé Knowles and Idris Elba

Knowles challenged herself to convey as much meaning as possible in each scene. “I wanted to make sure each scene had a purpose, a conflict. I didn’t want it to be typical; I wanted it to stand out. I worked closely with the filmmakers, dissecting and understanding the meaning and the purpose.” Knowles was instantly attracted to the role because of Sharon’s strength and empowerment in the story. “Usually, in a movie like this, the man in the end, comes and saves the day,” Knowles says. “What I loved was how Sharon handles herself. She gets that out-of-body strength we have when we have to protect people we love.” In describing her character further, Knowles says, “Sharon is a mother and wife, but she used to be her husband’s assistant, which is really interesting. They became best friends and she knows him as well as he knows himself.” In the film, that depth of understanding is what causes Sharon to start wondering if her husband is telling her the full story. “All the little games he would play with the other women, she was right there,” she says. “So when something strange happens with the temp, Lisa, she has this intuition. He plays it off, but when she finds out the relationship is a little different from what he said, she gets very suspicious. She knows her man. They have an ultimate trust, so when that trust is betrayed…that’s the turning point for Sharon in the film.” Knowles acknowledges how Idris Elba’s Derek could have got into the situation in the first place. “Derek likes the attention that he gets, like any man would, and it gets misread by Lisa,” Knowles says. “In the beginning he’s just doing friendly flirting, and she takes it the wrong way. She becomes really infatuated and in her mind, she thinks that Derek really is her man, that the house really is her house, and the family really is her family. “For me, Obsessed is about a woman’s fight for her family,” she continues. “A woman who’s willing to sacrifice and take care of her son while her husband gets his promotion, but who is also very strong and wise and street smart and knows when something is not right – a woman strong enough to take control.” Obsessed is showing at Odeon, Brighton from Friday 29 May

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24 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle chats to comic, TV presenter, radio writer, sports fan and romantic Geoff Norcott

eoff Norcott is watching the cricket. He’s at the England Versus West Indies Test Match and he’s taken five minutes out to talk to me. But, as he admits himself, “To be fair it‘s cricket, so we could talk for five minutes and still nothing might have happened.” He’s prepared to take the gamble of being distracted by me. So what’s this new Edinburgh show all about? “It's called The Shocking Truth About Men and Women,” explains Geoff enthusastically. “What it‘s basically about is the fact that I feel that at the moment there are a lot of stereotypes about men and women that have re-emerged. Whereas in the 80s and early 90s we were trying to do away with the stereotypes, they appear to be back in fashion. Obviously in comedy, you talk about the differences between men and women – it‘s a massive subject. I‘m trying to get to the root of this and decide: A, whether these stereotypes are accurate, and B, can you actually find a logical basis for them? I‘m trying to go one step deeper. Are we made to be this way? Is there a genetic reason why men can‘t notice things on the bottom step of the stairs?” Big questions. Any conclusions? “Er... well... I wouldn‘t like to give it away. I think the conclusions are more about my views and attitudes, and about what I want my marriage to be. You know what I mean?” I get an inkling. “I think I just don‘t want to be one of those husbands at 60 years old just sitting there, who hasn‘t spoke for the best part of five years. I want to keep communicating. Part of the show is just about how rubbish men are, basically. It‘s one of those things that are often mentioned but I think you can make a genetic case for why women is superior to men.” These are bold statements and I question his motives. “Yes, I think that one of the reasons for this show is that I married my wife five years ago and her engagement ring was an heirloom. I promised her that I‘d buy her her own engagement ring and this year was supposed to be that year. Instead, I‘ve sort of rediverted all the funds into doing Edinburgh. So in many ways the whole show is sort of like a massive apology for not buying her the ring.” Bless. “Loads of girls have got diamond rings, very few women have got their own Edinburgh show in their honour.” Ah. A loved up sports fan comic. And the crowd goes wild. Geoff Norcott is playing at the Caroline of Brunswick on Wednesday 27 May, 9pm, £5. To buy tickets got to www.carolineofbrunswick.co.uk or call 01273 624434.

Comedy listings Tuesday 26 Carry On Drinking! Comedy duo 'Thomas and Maloney' return in the hilarious brand new show. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 9pm, £8

Wednesday 27 The Noise Next Door Improv Comedy Sparked by audience suggestions, this dynamic fivesome creates spontaneous scenes and songs,

using outrageous characters, quick-fire wordplay and explosive physicality. The Brunswick, 8pm, £8/6

Thursday 28 Collings & Herring Live Podcast + Standup Richard Herring and Andrew Collins record their latest podcast live in front of a packed cinema audience. Duke of York's Picturehouse, 8:30pm, £15/10

Thomas Ball

New landscapes Photography exhibition that pushes beyond the rustic or rural ideal Landscape photography is currently undergoing a renaissance and many photographers are turning their backs on conventional interpretations of nature. In the face of looming global and environmental politics, landscape photographers are increasingly showing places that are changing, endangered, threatened or that just hold a simple metaphor beyond the physical. New Landscapes is a collection of work from alumni of the MA Photography Degree at LCC (London College of Communication). The course is fast gaining a reputation as one of the leading postgraduate awards in photography, with all five winners from 2007’s Jerwood Prize hailing from LCC Photography MA Courses, and five students being awarded the Pavilion commission in both 2007 and 2008. New Landscapes, Crane Kalman, Brighton. Until 31 May

Art listings Blank Studios 108 North Street, Portslade Sonic Art Curated by sound artist and arts technologist Mike Blow, Sonic Art explores the use of sound in art, through recorded work, installations, new instruments and visualisations, showcasing 11 sound artists from UK and abroad. • Until 30 May, Thurs–Sun, 1–8pm

Friday 29

Fabrica

Modern Toss - An Evening of Edwardian Chamber Filth Classic modern Toss sketches projected on a big screen and re-interpreted with a live string quartet and piano. The Old Market, 7pm, £12/10

Duke Street, Brighton Anish Kapoor Works by the Brighton Festival guest artistic director. •Until 24 May, 12–8pm every day (11pm on 17 May)

Crane Kalman Krater Comedy Club The home of Brighton comedy. Also on Saturday and Sunday. Komedia, 7:30pm, £12.50/10.

38 Kensington Gardens New Landscapes A fresh take on landscape photography that pushes beyond the rustic

or rural ideal. Until 31 May, Mon-Sat 10am6pm, Sun 10.30am-4.30pm

•Until 30 May, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

De La Warr Pavilion Permanent Gallery Bedford Place, Brighton 01273 710389 Ocean Mims: Things For Here, Now and There Mims questions and celebrates the materials and products of mass-produced domestic design. •Until 7 June, Thurs, Fri, Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

Bexhill-on-sea 01424 229111 Susan Collins: Seascape New body of work by this artist who combines digital technologies with the classical traditions of English landscape painting. •Until 14 June, open every day, 10am–6pm

Lighthouse Ink_d Gallery North Road, Brighton 01273 645299 Modern Toss Cartoonists and ripe-language pioneers from Brighton. Their latest exhibition features screenprints, letterpress prints, moving things built from string and wood and a 100 year-old calendar.

28 Kensington Street, 01273 647197 Billy Cowie A 3D film installation, Ghosts in the Machine, that combines specialised techniques of stereoscopic filmmaking with inventive dance choreography. •Until 31 May, Wed–Sun 12–6pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 25

Write club

Events highlights

John O’Donoghue sees Brighton with fresh eyes thanks to local poet Jackie Wills ackie Wills is one of the doyennes of the Brighton poetry scene. From her first collection, Powder Tower, shortlisted for the T.S. Eliot Prize in 1995, to Commandments, her latest collection, Jackie has proven to be an enduring presence in the world of poetry. She’s an artful poet – anyone who could weave Moses’ guide to the good life in and out of poems about her teenage children, hen parties, and remote Scottish islands, has obviously got a sly command of how to structure a volume of poems. But it’s her vision of Brighton that I think is most to be treasured. From the beach where ‘the wind hammers its strings/and the beach returns its crushing reply’ to streets of ‘fishermen’s homes’, the Palace Pier’s ‘sentimental helter skelter’ and the ‘West Pier’s ribs… bare now’, on to the Marina, ‘its wall designed by a woman/who curved concrete like a coracle skin’, to the ‘end of the wide promenade/where beach huts dare the waves to enter,’ Jackie celebrates the spirit of a place at once azure and tranquil.

J Fish are friends Shark Appreciation Week launches at Blue Reef Aquarium in Hastings. Aimed at youngsters, the week of special events aims to dispel misconceptions of sharks as mindless man-eaters. Hear facts behind the fiction and come face-to-face with members of the shark family. See feeding demonstrations, take part in quizzes and competitions and visit the shark nursery – home to egg-cases and newly hatched baby sharks. Shark Appreciation Week at Blue Reef Aquarium, Hastings, Saturday 23–Sunday 31 May, tel 01424 718776 or visit www.bluereefaquarium.co.uk

Taste of Sussex Whites Bar and Kitchen in Steyning open their doors for Taste-ival from Friday 29 May to Sunday 31 May. The Taste-ival takes over the restaurant and celebrates Sussex food and drink by sourcing all ingredients locally. Saturday night will see bands from across Sussex providing live music. Acts range from acoustic singers to soul, jazz and samba musicians. Guests

can see mixologists in action and be the first to try Whites summer cocktail. Taste-ival wraps up with comedy on the Sunday, with outdoor Pimm’s bar and barbecue! As a special twist, Whites have created their own currency, the Steyning Sovereign, to be exchanged at the Taste-ival. Taste-ival, Friday 29–Sunday 31 May at Whites Bar and Kitchen, 23 High Street, Steyning. Starts 12pm Fri and 11am Sat and Sun. More info on 01273 223023.

Green Tea With the summer now upon us, it’s a perfect opportunity to do some gardening. Those in search of horticultural advice could do worse than hearing from the Head Gardener at the Pavilion gardens. This week Robert Hill-Snook is holding two afternoons of tours of the gardens followed by a cream tea. Perfect for green-fingered tea-lovers. Tea with the Head Gardener, Royal Pavilion Gardens/Tea Room, Wednesday 27 May & Thursday 28 May, 2.30pm-4pm, more info on 03000 290902, £12.50 (includes cream tea), www.royalpavilion.org.uk/events.

Events listings Tuesday 26 Fantastic Photography Learn to take great photos and enter them in the Pavilion Pictures competition. Ages 8–12. Advance booking only. Also 28 May, 2–4pm for ages 12–16. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 10am–12pm, £10. Monoprinting Learn to monoprint with artist Louise

“An artful poet, with a sly command of how to structure a volume of poems” I love the way that she ends this volume. ‘Where I Live’ is the kind of poem every Brighton schoolchild should have in their lunch box. We live in a city surrounded by hills, lit by the diaphanous sea sequins of the deep, and Jackie looks on it all with a light in her eye that’s all her own. Whether in the fairy wings of the hen party, or the great patchwork quilt of the allotments, she brings a sublime sense of what’s best and brightest in this pretty seaside town to the pages of her book. It’s as if she moves from Commandments to something more beautiful: a celebration of life lived locally, as if she saw the world from a tall lighthouse, and heard in every wave small miracles floating by on the wind. Her final words in this wonderful book bring us back to her own hill, ‘a slow amble down’, where ‘Brendan is writing/or watching the trees’, to her neighbours, and to the summer where ‘our street is a door, always open…/how my apple tree blossoms so briefly but bows to us all’.

Book listings

Bristow. Event for over 8s. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 2pm–3:30pm, £10 advance booking only.

Thursday 28

Tuesday 26

Puppet Making Drop in for all ages. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 1pm–4pm, free.

Wednesday 27

Friday 29

Mask Making Make your own mask taking inspiration from those displayed around the museum. Drop-in for all ages. Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 1pm–4pm, free.

4Most: Stay! Stacy Makishi: Highly visual piece, drawing inspiration form the paintings of Paula Rego and Lassie Come Home. The Basement, 7:30pm, £10/8.

Meet Horrid Henry Special Horrid Henry activity hour including Horrid Henry storytime read by Horrid Henry in person. Borders Brighton, 11.30am.

Saturday 30 Tom Eglington Book Signing Local author Tom Eglington will be signing his childrens book,

‘The Spellbound Hotel’. Waterstones Brighton, 01273 206017, 12pm-4pm. Poetry in the galleries Celebrate American writers from Longfellow, Edgar Allen Poe and Dorothy Parker to Modernism and the Beat poets. Brighton Museum, 1pm-4pm.

Coming Soon: Tuesday 2 June Chris Stewart Travel writer, farmer and former Genesis drummer Chris Stewart talks about his new book ‘Three Ways to Capsize a Boat’, written about his attempt to sail across the Atlantic Ocean. www.theoldmarket.co.uk, The Old Market, 6.30pm, £6 (includes a free glass of wine).

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26 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

Life’s a beach The Beachdown Festival is back for its second year with a stellar line up, as Jeff Hemmings reports erched up in the hills of the Sussex teething problems, it won enough plaudits to Downs, the countryside came to life give the organisers good reason to asssume as the inaugural Beachdown Festival that there was a gap in the saturated festival provided the icing on the cake for a city market. “The Brighton angle is where it works that is already very much alive with the well,” says Darren, who is particularly looking sounds of music and partying. forward to Laurnet Garnier and Grace Jones. The line-up has been “I was delighted to find out that she’ll be announced and it’s looking good; along with headliners Grace Jones, Ocean Colour Scene, Super Furry Animals and The Zutons, there’s an ecelctic assortment of acts representing hip hop, rock, funk, indie, soul, reggae, dance, groove and much else besides. Alongside the headliners there’s Terry Callier, Grandmaster Flash, Saint Etienne, Ida Maria, James Taylor Quartet, The Apples, Prince Buster, Gilles Peterson, Joey Negro, Dreadzone, The Blockheads, The Heliocentrics, Snowboy Super Furry Animals & The Latin Section and pretty much everything good coming out of this city, on the Brighton performing a whole new show as opposed to Stage. Founder and director Darren Murphy just a rehash of her recent Roundhouse gigs.” is suitably impressed: “The line-up is very Aiming to be as carbon neutral as possible, strong again this year. Not quite as indie Beachdown was nominated for two awards based as last year, but having Adrian at the 2008 UK Festival Awards for Best New Gibson (one of the main programmers) has Festival and Best Innovation. It has a sevenadded a new dynamic to the festival.” year contract with the landowner until 2014. Last year’s Beachdown was of course, the Beachdown, 28-31 August. www.beachdownfestival.com first one, and although it suffered inevitable Launch party, Coalition, 28 May. See opposite page.

P news ▲

BIMM summer school The Brighton Institute of Modern Music and the Bristol Institute of Modern Music have launched a number of summer schools providing the opportunity for budding musicians to improve their technique and style in the instrument of their choice. Players study technical development and live performance skills using industry standard equipment, both modern and vintage. Many well-known musicians from the world of rock and pop will be there to tutor and guide! Visit www.bimm.co.uk

▲

Brighton Live returns This excellent and enduring showcase for local talent is back later in the year, and represents a chance to see some of the finest bands and musicians, across all genres, that seem to sprout here like weeds! Taking place between 30 Sept-3 October, many of the city’s venues are utilised, and as with the Great Escape one wristband gets you into everything. Except that it’s all free! For details on how to submit your material for consideration and for opportunities to get involved in organising and co-ordinating visit www.brightonlive.net

the

Big gig The Bar-Kays Former Isaac Hayes backing band, now in tribute to the great man. Thursday 2 July, Old Market

UPCOMING GIGS Manic Street Preachers 2 June, Dome Florence & The Machine 2 June, Concorde 2 Camille O’Sullivan 5 June, Dome UFO 9 June, Concorde 2 Orbital 10 June, Dome Katy Perry 11 June, Dome De La Soul 12 June, Concorde 2 The Damned 13 June, Corn Exchange Dennis Bovell 13 June, All Saints, Lewes Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Athlete 16 June, Concorde 2 Billy Bragg 17 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Answer 24 June, Concorde 2 The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Georgie Fame 26 June, Dome

Ozamatli 1 July, Concorde 2 Bryan Adams 2 July, Dome M83 6 July, Concorde 2 The Bar-Kays 2 July, Old Market La Excelenci 9 July, Old Market Freak Power 10 July, Concorde 2 Loop 11-12 July, Victoria Gardens Still Black:Still Proud 13 July, Concorde 2 Sister Sledge 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Beachdown 28-31 August Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Brighton Live 30 Sept-3 Oct Hockey 1 October, Digital Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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MUSIC 27

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 26 May to Monday 1 June

Tuesday 26 to Monday 1 June

Tuesday 26 Polar Bear Club + Ruiner + Defeater Freebutt, 8pm, free. The Crissars Rock, reggae, new wave and pop. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4/3.

Wednesday 27 Anton Barbeau + guests Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4/3. Club NME with The Temper Trap + Left Hand Red + Dan Smith Last chance to catch their infectious tunes in an intimate setting. Combining 90s indie guitar sounds with electronica. Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free. Gesar Foundation Presents Women’s Voices Enjoy an evening of live music and transformative arts with proceeds crossing the globe to help an orphanage in Poland. Latest Music Bar, 5pm, £5. Gossip Ahead of their new album release, Music for Men. Punky, glam, pop vibes with the awe-inspiring, soul backed pipes of Beth Ditto. Digital, 8pm, £15. Judith Owen An American folk-jazz singer that cuts through to your heart strings and tugs on every emotion. Komedia, 8pm, £8. Kirstin Hersch Duke of York's Picturehouse, 9pm, £14. Metronomy Brighton’s own electronic trio that have been causing a stir on the pop scene. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £10. Never Mind the Balkans Here’s ’Max Pashm Band’ + DJ set Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Phosphorescent A gauze of guitar, keyboard and pedal steel, laced in emotional mystery. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc.

Thursday 28 Artrocker Club with Disasteradio + And What Will be Left of Them? + The Soft + Who Owns Death TV Latest Music Bar, 8pm2am, £5/3. Bijou + Leaving St. Francis + The Killing Floor + Don Von Sleaze Prince Albert, 8pm, free. It’s Alive Presents...Here There be Monsters + Cymerian Savage, head-thrashing live show with sweat metal and screamo. Hectors House, 8.30pm, free. Shapeshifter + SpectraSoul Unique blend of heavy soul fused D’n’B plus a reputation for ground breaking live shows equals a must see for fans of the genre! Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £10. Terry Callier Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £17.50. Yusa The Old Market, 7pm, £12.

Friday 29 Brontide Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc. Hornblower Brothers + Almost Orphans + Braid + Bohemian Mods Uplifting, shambolic pop. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Hot Club of Cowtown Flaming hot Western

jazz, scorching swing and infectious enthusiasm! Komedia, 8.30pm, £12.50. Sweet Hove Chicago Seven-piece rock’n’roll, blues band. The Hope, 9pm, free. The Bays (Live) Audio, 11pm, £7. The Handsome Family De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £12. The Lowdown Leg-tapping, funky night with The Lowdown playing everything from blues to funk, rock to reggae and disco to blues. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £8/6.

Saturday 30 Battle Choral Society – An Evening of Italian Music De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £12. Captcha with Combinations + Kids Love Lies An alternative night of live bands and DJs. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £3. DAVE Guitar driven five-piece rock band with a heavy edge. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £4. Happy Face Raging death metal. Hobgoblin, 8pm, free. John Barrowman Entertainment by definition, there is nothing it seems this guy can not do! Dome, 7pm, £34.26/26.91. Members Punky anthems, English rock and reggae. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5. Playgroup with Flash Bang Band + Astro Physics The only festival in a pub! Nostalgic melodies and a funky barrage of lyrics from two of Brighton's finest! Hectors House, 8pm, free. The Magic Number Swing Emporium Dirty dixie gypsy swing. Komedia, 8pm, £8.50. Toploader Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

Kristin Hersch One time Throwing Muse, Kristin Hersch has been releasing records since the mid80s, originally on the UK 4AD label. Prolific and one of the most important female rock musicians of the post-punk era, Hersch’s music is, at times melodic, at others, a raging ball of focused energy. Thursday 27 May, Duke of York‘s Yusa A haiku, as poet Octavio Paz put it, is lived poetry. For Yusa, the Cuban singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, this means the swaying of the sea, the hue and cry of the city, a toy’s rattle, a loved one’s dreams. Compared to everyone from Joan Armatrading to Erykah Badu, Yusa captures the intimate poetry lived in the changing, musical Havana – a vibrant, young, thoroughly modern musical metropolis echoing with funk, jazz, rap, and soul, cultivating its connection to its deep African and Caribbean heritage. It’s not all Buena Vista you know! Wednesday 28 May, Old Market Terry Callier Semi-legendary soul man who has been embraced by the UK cognoscenti over the years, in effect rescuing him from obscurity in the 90s. Although getting on in years and often in ill-health, Callier remains a mythical and somewhat mystical figure, especially for his 70s oeuvre that includes the beautiful What Colour is Love. His soulful folk approach is full to the brim with warmth and is imbued with positivity and spirit. This is part of a special Beachdown Festival launch event. Thursday 28 May, Coalition

Handsome Family Dark, elemental, mischievous and mournful. The Handsome Family are Brett Sparks (music) and Rennie Sparks (lyrics), a duo who consider their songs romantic in the 19th century sense of the word: full of an awed sense of emotion in the face of nature’s mysteries. Their eighth album has just been released; Honey Moon is a celebration of their 20 years of marriage! Friday 29 May, De La Warr, Bexhill-on-Sea Members Formed in 1977 and playing the infamous punk haunt the Roxy, the Members made their mark with the classic ‘Sound of the Suburbs’. Other hits followed including ‘Solitary Confinement’ and ‘Offshore Banking Business’, full of intelligent humour allied to a pop and reggae sound. Now you’ve the chance to catch the greatest punk satirists as Members are back and touring. They are supported by Horsham’s Drone Rebels and Geronimo Arkwright from Brighton. Saturday 30 May, Engine Rooms Toploader Oh, yes. ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’, anyone? The Toploader boys are back in action, and just for you there is a little intimate gig at the unlikely Albert venue, better known for alternative music of all persuasions. Still, this Sussex band were always a good live act, and here it should come across brilliantly. Expect a few laydeez at the front. Saturday 30 May, Prince Albert

Sunday 31 Roast’n’Jazz with Johanna Harman Latest Music Bar, 12.30pm-3.30pm, £10. Rock The Horse with Your Army + I Koma + Red Shark In Vegas Hard Riffs and guitar with gusto. Prince Albert, 3pm, free. The Desperate Ones Indie. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £6/5. The Sea + Leonard and Bubba’s Delicious Goo Goo Cluster Gentleman Starkey Psychedelic Rock’n’Roll meets corn liquor inspired, tootin’ country. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Villagers Street Party Kemp Town’s day off is a raucous party with live music and games. Thomas Kemp Pub, 12pm–1am, free.

Monday 1 June Black Stone Cherry Southern gospel and bluegrass influenced rock. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £14. Rough Trade Best breaking acts showcase. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4 NUS.

Jaime Pettit

Terry Callier

028_LS425 reviews/chart

5/20/09

6:18 PM

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28 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases reat name for a band, Kissy Sell Out are at the so-cool-it’spainful edge of the indie spectrum, making a name as a DJ outfit to boot. Ambitious, yearning, driving, inventive; all these adjectives could be used. There’s nothing predictable about their electro-indie-techno hybrid although the vocals are reminiscent of a thousand frontmen, beginning with Gary Numan. Dance music, with an edge, their debut album Youth gets progressively more experimental as it goes on. Italian-Scot Paolo Nutini is still in his early 20s having largely circumvented the often tortuous route that musicians have to make; instead he was propelled by a gritty, unique voice, some catchy songs and good looks. So, what do they do now? They decide the retro sound is where it’s at. This is for good reason; the sound of the 60s is the era of lost innocence, when the warm glow of analogue machinery was at its richest. From soul, to garage to rock, the sounds of the 60s will forever remain the pivotal decade for ‘popular music’. And once again we have an artist utterly besotted with the sound of an era they can only imagine (he was born in the mid-80s). So Sunny Side Up would have sounded pretty good had it been released in 1968, but instead it sounds like a rip off, albeit a rather good one… Long time Tru Thoughts artist Flevans has a rather good offering out at the moment; 27 Devils. Often eccentric, and sometimes too experimental to ram his way out of the ghetto marked ‘acquired taste’, Flevans has gone all lo-fi funk with a B-movie edge, and a more accessible sound. Guest vocalists include Sarah Scott and Shona Foster, helping to stop this being filed under good library music, and into the territory of proper songs and a roundedness of purpose. The afro-beat renaissance continues apace and over the course of the last few years hidden gems and forgotten nuggets are being excavated. Next on the list is from the unlikely country of Benin (which I’m sure many of you have never heard of…), home to many musical maestros it seems. Legends of Benin is a compilation of acts with names such as Gnonnas Pedro & his Dadjes Band, El Rego et Ses Commandos and Orchestre Poly-Rythmo, playing a mix of afro-funk, cavacha, afro-beat and agbadja. A genuine eye opener, it’s damn funky, brilliantly inventive and if it had been recorded on better equipment would have sounded truly amazing. Number five in the Analog Africa series

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Mr Resonate – Brighton Bubblin’ feat. Lionheart ★ 2 Jaybee – My Imaginary Friend 3 DJ Messa/Matt Perry feat. Kirsty Sillars – Somero 4 Jaybee – Amen 5 Cakeboy – Skyrider 6 North Laine feat. Lion Heart & Bongo – Stand Up 7 North Laine – A Place We Knew 8 Chaos Borne – I Will 9 North Laine – Sometimes 10 Crawlspace – Shivers Mr Resonate is bubblin’ over this week, washing out twisted Jaybee’s lyrics back down to two. Plus warming the city with their infectious D’n’B roller, a spanking new entry from DJ Messa and Matt Perry. ‘Amen’ is a non-mover at four and Cakeboy’s breakbeat, electro fusion crumbles to five. 11 Chaos Borne Watching 12 North Laine Crys 13 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right 14 Chaos Borne The Moment 15 Tenek State of Mind 16 Tenek If I Should Fall – ep version 17 Mr Resonate Say What You Mean 18 Swarf Parlour Tricks 19 The Mojo Fins Always Now 20 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 21 The Woo!worths K O N I C H I W A (Dem Oh) 22 White Star Liners Tyre Pressure Was the Least of His Worries 23 Mr Resonate All That I’m Not 24 Sparker The Lost Weekend 25 sMs A New Sequence

26 Mr resonate The Opposite Vibe feat. North Laine & Lionheart 27 Sparker What a Smile 28 White Bait Ten Gallon Hat 29 Caramel Jack Curtain 30 sMs I'm Sorry Dave 31 Glitters from Billy Holiday 32 White Bait The Bug Song 33 Kontour Necromance 34 Eminemmylou The Way I Am 35 Glitters from Billy Little Star 36 Hollywood Assassins Switchblade 37 Last Days of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 38 Jak Raven Paradise to Heaven 39 Offcuts Like Wow! 40 Kings of the Wild Front Ear ‘Shop ‘Til You Drop’

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 195

ACROSS: 5 Dingo 8 Windpipe 9 Inert 10 Ravenous 11 Creek 14 Gnu 16 Garage 17 Rennet 18 Man 20 Snort 24 Stallion 25 Abyss 26 Tomahawk 27 Cling DOWN: 1 Award 2 Knave 3 Spine 4 Oppugn 6 Ignorant 7 Gardener 12 Cannibal 13 Garrison 14 Gem 15 Urn 19 Author 21 Algae 22 Midas 23 Snake Solution to Quick 195

ACROSS: 5 Dream 8 Uncommon 9 Often 10 Impurity 11 Proud 14 Ark 16 Nation 17 Elects 18 Tin 20 Strip 24 Announce 25 Venue 26 Stockade 27 Ashen DOWN: 1 Cumin 2 Scope 3 Smart 4 Potter 6 Reformed 7 Adequate 12 Waitress 13 Ridicule 14 Ant 15 Ken 19 Ignite 21 Force 22 Sneak 23 Meter © Crossword Shop

029_LS425_clublist/clubhi

5/21/09

4:35 PM

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BARS & CLUBS 29

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 26 to Monday 1 June

Tuesday 26 Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2. Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS. Funky Buddha Lounge It’s ***King Good. Prescription cheese and chart for party heads and student types! 10:30pm, £1. New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2. Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–3am, £1–3.

Wednesday 27 Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude. 10pm, free b4 12/£1 after. Audio Supercharged. See highlights. 11pm–2:30am, £6/5. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live bands and DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. Unpretentious pop, electro and house for the mid-week party heads. 11pm–6am, £3/2. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n'B, hip hop, dance hall & funky house. 10pm, free/£2. Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful, progressive bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/£2 after.

Thursday 28 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1. Brighton Coalition Love Blow. R’n’B, funky house and floor-fillers. 10:30pm–3am, £2/1. Funky Buddha Lounge Love Lockdown. 7:30pm, £tbc. Hanbury Club Taxim: Greek Night. Live, traditional but original Greek music with the Kypreos Band. 7pm–2am, £8/6. Honey Club Contagious. Southern FM’s Paul Hilyer plays house and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1. New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2.

Friday 29 Al Duomo Inside Out. See highlights. 8pm–5:30am, free b4 3am. Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s dance floor classics. 11pm–3am, £3. Audio The Bays (live). See highlights. 11pm–4am, £tbc. Brighton Coalition A Night at the Chateau. Cagedbaby, The Whip, FC/Kahuna and They Live. 11pm–4am, £6/7. Concorde 2 Freebass. 11pm–4am, free. Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll, DJ and live bands. 11pm– 3am, £4. Engine Rooms Deviant. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Funky Buddha Lounge Bobby & Steve Present... Funky and soulful house. 11pm– 6am, £5/3. Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50.

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Honey Club Hed Kandi.10:30pm–3am, £15/5 Komedia Da Doo Ron Ron Presents: A Dusty Springfield Special. A fabalicious mix of 60s femme pop. 11pm–3am, £5/4. Latest Music Bar Unbelievabubble. Nu skool and old skool vibes. 10:30pm–2am, £4/3. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe.... Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3. Ocean Rooms Krank Returns. D’n’B, liquid, neuro and tech. Slamming three floor bass feast! 11pm, £tbc. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams. Rock’n’Roll. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night. 10pm–3am, £5/4. Tru Friday Nights. 10pm–2am, £5/free b4 11. Volks Break The House. Dub, tech, house, electro and breaks. 11pm, £7/5.

Saturday 30 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5. Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Tweed Society. Electronic house fusion with Jesse James filling the floor with Ibiza style vibes. 10:30pm–3am, £10. Concorde 2 Puscha*. See highlights. 10:30pm, £18–12. Digital Hat Club. Quirky head gear and the best in filthy house and electro from The Beat Thiefs. I told you nothing. 11pm–4am, £10. Engine Rooms The Brighton Rumble. Rock n’ roll club action. 11pm– 4am, £5/3. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10. Honey Club Sevensins Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm-5am, £12/5 NUS. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11. Latest Music Bar Captcha. Live bands and DJs spinning rock and indie. 8pm–2:30am, £3. New Hero It is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night! 10pm, £3. Ocean Rooms Muzika. Indulge in cutting edge house and funky electro. 10:30pm–6am, £15–6. Po Na Na .Silk. R'n'B, funky house, commercial. 10pm–3am, £10–5. Tru Glitterbaby. 9pm– 3am, £10/8. Volks Evolution. D’n’B. 11:00pm, £5.

with Jaime Pettit

down, dirty classics while you rave out next to the cheesecakes! Friday 29 May, Al Duomo

Supercharged The label that never fails to deliver bass’n’beat heroes does it again with king of the jungle, Shy FX. Expect half naked men sweating it out to ‘Original Nuttah’, throwing some limbs to ‘Feelings’ and pit-nuzzling new friends to ‘Everyday’. A mid-week must to break up the nine-to-fives. Wednesday 27 May, Audio

Puscha* Welcome to Dr Rivera’s den of iniquity. Only those exotic creatures, willing to release themselves of all inhibitions will be accepted into this unspeakable event! All are requested to don themselves in feathers and leathers and let the fur fly as house maestro, Sandy Rivera, indulges us in his effortless talent with an exotic soundtrack of prog house, tech and electro. Jesse James heads up room two. Saturday 30 May, Concorde 2

The Bays (Live) The Bays have grabbed the rulebook, whizzed it in a blender and swallowed it whole as their radical musical ethic pushes the boundaries of live performance and changes it forever! No set lists, no rehearsal, no albums to promote, just pure improvisation and raw creative synergy. It is all about that single moment between audience and performer. Seeing is believing. Friday 29 May, Audio Inside Out The second installment from a season of monthly parties. This time Kelvin K serves up a treat of bumping, deep underground house. Plus the Contraband bunch drop a monster four-deck and FX set. Upstairs let the Go Bang! DJs take you to funky town with their disco and deep

Sandy Rivera

Sunday 31 Arc Irie A shake up of ragga. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1. The Open House We Change the Frequency Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free.

Monday 1 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm– 3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe.10:30pm–2:30am,£3/1. Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys.10pm–2:30am£3/1. Jaime Pettit

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030_LS425 gay news

5/22/09

1:00 PM

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30 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Sporty city Sports Minister Gerry Sutcliffe will open Brighton and Hove’s first Gay Sports Summit. The event at Brighton Racecourse on 13 June will attract up to 100 delegates from gay and mainstream sports associations across the country. They will be welcomed by Brighton Lesbian and Gay Sports Society (BLAGSS). Tim Rose, of BLAGSS, said: “We’re delighted Brighton is playing host to this important event. We’ll be discussing questions such as how to tackle homophobia in sport and make sure gay sportsmen and women can make the maximum contribution to Team UK’s success in the 2012 Olympics.“ Last year’s inaugural event in Manchester was organised by Pride Sports, the UK‘s only LGBT sports development

organisation, which runs Pride Games, Manchester’s annual multi-sport festival. Louise Englefield from Pride Sports said: “The main aim of the summit is to help gay sports groups work together to develop LGBT sports and to put them on the radar for sports councils and national governing bodies.“ From 27 June to 12 July BLAGSS will support the city council’s TakePart festival with taster sessions and will have a stall at the opening event in Preston Park on 27 June.

Change time Gerry Sutcliffe

Tim Rose of Brighton Lesbian and Gay Sports Society (BLAGSS) explains why the community group is so important hy do many gay and lesbian people often not want to join “straight” sports groups when they are just as interested in keeping fit as anyone else – if not more so? Well, lots of them (perhaps gay men especially) have nightmarish memories of school PE and its macho changing room culture, making them reluctant to join such groups in case they have a similar bad experience. So this is where groups like BLAGSS come in! Brighton Lesbian and Gay Sports Society was formed 11 years ago to meet the needs of gay and lesbian Brightonians who wanted to meet like-minded people in a non pub or club environment and play sport in congenial company. BLAGSS has well over 600 members who play sports ranging from football to swimming and rollerblading to golf. BLAGSS is very proud of the way it offers opportunities for a healthy lifestyle to the gay people of our city. It isn’t narrowly exclusive however; non-gay people who wish to play sport in a predominantly gay group are welcome to join and several have done so.

Riots remembered Pride in Brighton and Hove and Brighton Ourstory have joined forces to mount a special event to mark the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots in New York. The event on Saturday 27 June will include speeches from those in the Gay Liberation Front, a video of the Stonewall events and an exhibition at Hove Library. It opens at 6pm. Pride in Brighton and Hove trustee Kath Browne, who has helped organise the event said: “40 years ago drag queens and butch dykes were celebrating

Judy Garland’s life in New York’s Stonewall bar when the New York Police decided to mount a raid. Enraged, the patrons resisted the police and rioted in the street for days. “Those riots marked a key moment in LGBT visibility and had international effects. The first Pride marches commemorating the Stonewall riots marked the start of the dykes on bikes and international commemorating marches across the globe – a tradition kept alive and well by Pride in Brighton and Hove.”

“Lots of gay and lesbian people have nightmarish memories of school PE” BLAGSS is also very proud of the fact that several of its groups play at a competitive level. For instance the tennis group has won its division in the City Parks League for the last two seasons. Not surprisingly similar groups have grown up in other British cities, in particular Manchester and London, although most of these are for single sports and not umbrella organisations like BLAGSS. So the next step was to combine to find areas of common interest and to make sure UK gay sports groups are represented at national and international level, for instance in the Gay Games and Outgames. The first very successful UK LGBT Sports Summit was held in Manchester last year, and this year the second Summit will be held at Brighton Racecourse on 13 June for over 100 delegates. The importance of LGBT sport at a national level is shown by the fact that minister for Sport, Gerry Sutcliffe, is the keynote speaker. Gay and lesbian sport is here to stay!

031_LS425 gay listings

5/22/09

1:51 PM

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LATEST GAY 31

Gay listings Tuesday 26 May to Monday 1 June Tuesday 26 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. A double dose of cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free. Ghetto Quiz Alicious and Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound as a Pound. DJ LadyBex throwing out 80s, 90s, 00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a raffle prize! 10.30pm, £1 The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 27 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free. Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Lil Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free Revenge Guilty. Big funky and electro beats. 11pm–3am, free NUS or b4 12–£2 after Star Inn Charity Jukebox. 12pm–11pm, free The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Get down and filthy with dirty handbag and house tunes laid out by DJ Gabbi. 11pm–4am, free

Thursday 28 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. £1.25 a pint, £1 a bottle, small wine or shot. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles Street Club Mad Cow XXL – My Cow is on Fire. DJs Lil Alex and LeeRoy spinning funky house across two floors. 10pm–3am, £1. Ghetto HDSM. Leather to lycra with Jon Byrne splashing out hard dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls on Top.10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after The Basement Boys Below. Men only night. Chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free

Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Thank Funk it’s Friday. Funk, disco and retro classics all night! 12pm, free The Zone Krissie Du Cann. Celebrating 50 years on the entertainment scene, Chrissie takes centre stage with her powerful vocals and uplifting set. 9.30pm, free.

Saturday 30 Amsterdam Phantom of the Opera Dining. Enjoy a sumptuous dinner as the Amsterdam is transformed into the set of Phantom of the Opera. 8pm, £19.50. Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11 Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo At The Marly. HRH Queen Josephine joins the Marlborough for a little funky house fabulousness. 9pm–am, free. Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Quinton Smith + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30-5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm, free. R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Divas + Booty Call. Live music from 6pm! Then Booty Call kicks in from 8.30pm. Bar open 12pm, free The Zone Presents... Miss Hap. Songs and tall tales to be heard tonight! 9.30pm, free

Sunday 31 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Charles Street Bar Showtime. A spellbinding performance with the international terrorist, Rose Garden! 7.15pm, free Followed by: Drag Idol V. 8.30pm, free. Ghetto Nervous Sirens with Euro Back Comb Disasters. Beautiful burlesque, pole dancing, the smutty depravity of euro trash plus the dirtiest electro and alternative dance! 9pm–2am, £5/4. Legends Sunday Cabaret with Lady Imelda. Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Sunday Quiz. 7pm, £1 per entrant Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Sandra + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free Revenge Remixed. Sussex Uni’s TBLG Remixed puts on a massive night of alternative live music and DJs. 8pm-1am, £3. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander. 11pm–4am, free

Friday 29 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Girls Night. Two floors of mayhem with DJs. 8pm–2am, free Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks for £20! 9pm, free R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop Vs Altitude. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Monday 1 June Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free R-Bar Miss Jason’s Mad house. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free The Basement Back to the 80s and 90s. Nostalgic floor-fillers. 11pm–4am, free

032_LS425_TVIntro

5/22/09

10:54 AM

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32 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

26 MAY – 1 JUNE

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 26

Extreme Male Beauty Thursday 10pm Channel Four im Shaw is a journalist who thinks he could do with looking a bit trimmer. So he embarks on the seemingly female road of testing all the available products designed to make him look like the man on the front of his box of pants. Tim is a brave man as not only does he test every gadget on the market, he lets the camera witness it. In one episode his main obsession is whether or not his manhood is large enough. That particular episode was cringeworthy viewing! Tim Shaw meets other men across the country who also feel particularly self-conscious and who are taking action in the form of surgery. Many of these men feel selfconscious because they have lost a large amount of weight and are now carrying excess skin all over their bodies. For a show that is aimed at men, I think women could gain a lot from watching it – men also suffer with low self esteem where their body image is concerned – it might take the pressure off us. Interestingly, in a few experiments where Tim puts himself and a number of other men all of different shapes and sizes up for display to a number of women, the women are very judgmental, picking out parts of all the men they don’t like. I was always under the impression that women always wanted men to just accept them as they are, but perhaps the problem with society is that we all want others to look differently whilst being accepted as who we are! Tim consults his wife on a number of matters. She always tells him that she thinks he looks just fine as he is but that does nothing to satisfy him. It appears that he wants to appear attractive to a random group of women as well as his wife. In order for Tim to feel attractive within himself he needs women who are no one to him to find him attractive to boost his confidence. Interestingly, Tim blames advertising for his obsession with looking like David Beckham in that pants advert. Just the same as women, the advertising of products and clothing contains only the most attractive people, and seeing them on a daily basis is making Tim and many other men across the country feel less than adequate. Tim must feel quite comfortable in his skin as his full frontal nude appearances in the show are continual, giving the impression that he is happy with what he has but would like to make it a bit better. He feels it is not quite good enough for a society that demands chiselled perfection. I always knew many men cared about their appearance but I never realised quite how far it went and quite how far some men are prepared to go to look like an air-brushed model. Perhaps men and women aren’t so different after all!

Rear Window ★★★★★ (1954, Sky Movies Classic, 7pm. Dir Alfred Hitchcock) Slap bang in the middle of this Hitchcock-athon sits the gripping Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly ode to voyeurism. With Jimbo laid up with a broken leg and housebound he finds himself engrossed in the harmless soap opera lives of his neighbours. Until he witnesses a murder. Zowey!

WEDNESDAY 27 Presumed Innocent ★★★✩✩ (1990, Five, 5pm. Dir Alan J. Pakula) Harrison Ford kicked off his ‘everyman in the frame and hitting like a girl’ period around this time. Starring as the deputy prosecutor, he is asked to investigate the murder of a prosecutor, played by Great Scacci. They’ve been getting it on, prior to her death, and the more he investigates the more clues seem to turn up saying he dunnit. It’s a race against time, and the evidence.

THURSDAY 28 The Name Of The Rose ★★★★★ (1986, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Jean-Jacques Annaud) A 14th century whodunnit, with Brother William turning up with his trusty squire (played by Sean Connery and a very young Christian Slater) at the monastry to find out who’s been killing the monks. With the sleuths’ progressive thinking muddying the waters of devil suspicion, it’s a careful path they must walk to uncover what’s what.

FRIDAY 29 Starship Troopers ★★★★✩ (1997, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Paul Verhoeven) When bugs from outer space are discovered a futuristic Earth decides to launch a pre-emptive attack on the insect scourge. Starring Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards as just two of the raw recruits joining up to the battle, alongside the adverts inserted for the war serving to ridicule the whole prospect.

SATURDAY 30 Toy Story ★★★★★ (1995, BBC1, 6.05pm. Dir John Lasseter) As well as being the first feature length computer animated film, this is dang good fun for all. Tom Hanks voices Woody the cowboy in this adventure of toys on the loose whenever your back’s turned. Laugh out loud funny, as well as ironically providing the must-have toys for the Christmas of 1995, this is plain lovely.

SUNDAY 31 Night At The Museum ★★★✩✩ (2006, Channel 4, 8.05pm. Dir Shawn Levy In case you missed it last Sunday, here’s another chance to catch the first episode in this franchise, the second of which it hitting the big screen right now. Following the adventures of museum security guard Ben Stiller when his charges come to life when darkness falls.

MONDAY 1 Ghost ★★★★✩ (1990, Channel 4, 10.35pm. Dir Jerry Zucker) Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore star in this romantic supernatural thriller that gave potters’ wheels a new popularity. When Swayze is killed by a mugger he haunts surviving girlfriend Moore in the hope of solving his murder, with a little help from psychic Whoopi Goldberg. Victoria Nangle

Toy Story, BBC1, Saturday 30, 6.05pm

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4:51 PM

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tuesday 26 Gok’s Fashion Fix Channel 4, 8pm We’ve all been guilty of simply falling into the rut of wearing what’s comfy. But when you permanently live in your trakkie bottoms it might be time to reconsider your wardrobe. So says Gok Wan, and we know his word is fashion gospel. Plus, the plus-sizers test out summer skirts. Give us a twirl.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm She’s got the perfect ‘Astra Quest’ outfit, he’s got an original piece of kit from the series – who knew Hodges and Wendy had so much in common? Unfortunately Hodges’ appreciation of the collar detailing gets interrupted by a death at the sci-fi convention they’re at. Dang it!

The Great British Foreign Holiday BBC4, 9pm Frankly, anywhere north of Watford can appear ‘foreign’ to some folks, which may be why we as Brits tend to make many of our holidays abroad as much like home as possible. Mark Benton narrates a clip show looking at the Brits abroad, and how we relate to the scary ‘not-home’.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 9.10am Children’s television 9.10 Pinky And Perky 9.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 9.30 Beat The Boss USA 10.00 Little Howard’s Big Question 10.30 SMart 11.00 FILM: The Shaggy DA (1976) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Animal 24:7 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The British National Party 6.00 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the soldiers returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 South Pacific Documentary series looking at the South Pacific islands. 8.00 Springwatch Catch live updates from our Springwatch animal stars, including kestrels, plovers, skylarks, swallows, finches, barn owls and many more, as their family dramas unfold. Chris Packham and Kate Humble bring us the latest from Norfolk. Look at da baby animals! 9.00 Simon Schama’s John Donne Simon Schama celebrates the life and work of Britain’s greatest love poet, John Donne. With the help of academic John Carey and actor Fiona Shaw, he undertakes a passionate appraisal and forensic examination of Donne’s work. A-level English student, take heed. 10.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By Libertas 11.25 The Wire In the penultimate episode of the season, the police start making arrests in a series of dawn raids. 12.25am BBC News 4.00 Short Circuit (x6)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.25 The Class 9.55 Fat March USA 10.55 Mark Ronson’s Top 20 Brit Girls 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The City Gardener 1.00 FILM: The Quiet Man (1952) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: The Wedding Dress (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Football League: Championship 10.30 LIVE International Cricket (x2) 7.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Final Preview 8.00 LIVE: Super League 10.00 Living With Lions 12.00am International Cricket 2.00 Living With Lions 4.00 Celebrity Soccer Sixes 5.00 Revista De La Liga

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Jay and Dawn give evidence in Jase’s murder trial. Crack out the wigs –it’s Rumpole time! 8.00 Holby City Maria gains a newfound sense of self-confidence. So there’s more to her than looking like a Pre-Raphaelite painting, then. 9.00 Uncovering Our Earliest Ancestor: The Link Documentary, written and narrated by David Attenborough, telling the story behind what could be one of the most important scientific discoveries of the 21st century, a discovery which is set to change our understanding of evolution. No more monkeys? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By Libertas 10.40 Kick Out The Kids Documentary highlighting a revolutionary scheme, matching up twentysomethings wanting to move out with older people needing companionship and support. 11.25 FILM: Jacknife (1989) Robert De Niro, Ed Harris. Powerful drama about two Vietnam vets. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.40 Rocket Science 2.40 Country Tracks 3.35 Real Rescues 4.20 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The British National Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Belle’s act brings the variety show to a dramatic finish. Bob and Gennie struggle with their mutual attraction. It’s a monster of a creature and wriggles like a labrador puppy. 8.00 Coronation Street Peter makes his feelings clear for Michelle. Like he was ever subtle before. What’s his secret? He gets all the pretty girls whilst drinking himself into oblivion. 8.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec host the third of the live semifinals. Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden watch and judge eight more acts in front of the live studio audience. Viewers have the chance to vote for their favourite act. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.30 Party Election Broadcast By Libertas 10.35 Barcelona V Manchester United: Champions League Final Preview Jim Rosenthal is in Rome looking ahead to tomorrow’s UEFA Champions League final between Barcelona and Manchester United. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 12.30am Supernatural 1.15 Loose Women 2.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Hannah is frustrated that everyone thinks she has had a relapse of her eating disorder. Ain’t it the pits? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: If Not School, Then What? 8.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix See highlights. 9.00 The Lost WWI Bunker: A Time Team Special Archaeological series. Tony Robinson joins an unprecedented archaeological expedition in search of a perfectly preserved WWI bunker called the Vampir. Beneath the paralysed front in Belgium, elite tunnelling companies created a deep maze of tunnels and dugouts, which was the only safe place to hide when shelling made the surface hell above. 11.05 The Operation: Surgery Live Krishnan Guru-Murthy hosts the series offering viewers the chance to interact with surgeons as they carry out life-changing operations. Today: brain surgery. A bit to the left, doc. 11.40 My Name Is Earl Earl wakes from his coma and tries to find Billie, who he has decided is his soul mate. 12.10am PokerStars.com 1.10 World Superbikes 1.35 Gillette World Sport 2.05 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.55 FIA GT3 3.20 KOTV Classics 4.10 Freesports On 4 4.35 Scrapheap Challenge 5.35 Inuk 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Charlie helps Tony deal with his anger over Angelo. Angelo’s treatment of Belle and Irene causes hostility. Really, it’s all about Angelo. Maybe more sleepytime? 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series with Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. 6.55 PEB: No2EU Yes To Democracy 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Mark Nicholas presents highlights of the third game of the three-match NatWest One-Day International Series between England and West Indies at Edgbaston. 8.00 Helicopter Warfare Documentary series examining historic helicopter operations. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. The hit-and-run murder of a lawyer is connected to a TV programme dedicated to catching paedophiles. Horatio and the team fear they have a vigilante on their hands. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spin-off. Mac and Stella investigate the murder of a Bronx wine-store owner, while Danny and Aiden look into the death of an influential movie producer. The tea-boy dunnit. 12.00am The Shield 1.00 NBA Basketball 3.30 NBA Basketball 4.20 IndyCar Series 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Elite League Speedway 9.00 Darts: Premier League 12.00pm Elite League Speedway 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.00 Celebrity Soccer Sixes 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 British Rally Championship 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League – Preview 11.00 Poker 12.30am Super League 2.30 Athletics: Great Citygames Manchester Run 3.00 World Hockey Monthly 3.30 International Cricket 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Afterburn 8.00 H2O Sports International 8.30 Powerboat P1 Championship 9.00 Bowls (x2) 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Poker 2.00 Football League: Championship 3.00 Bowls (x2) 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 8.00 Golf 9.00 Celebrity Soccer Sixes 10.00 NFL – Total Access 11.00 Revista De La Liga 12.00am Celebrity Soccer Sixes 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 Golf 2.30 Bowls (x2) 5.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x3) 8.30 Futurama 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 FILM: Predator 2 (1990) 12.05am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Toughest Pubs In Britain 3

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre Animal ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 12.45am Make My Body Younger 1.45 Bizarre Animal ER 2.15 My Weapon Is A Dog

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Landscape Mysteries 8.00 Abdication: A Very British Coup 9.00 The Great British Foreign Holiday. See highlights. 10.00 We Need Answers 10.30 Flight Of The Conchords 11.00 The Armstrong And Miller Show 11.30 Make ‘em Laugh 12.25am I’ve Never Seen Star Wars (x5)

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Judge Judy 5.00 Britain’s Got Talent (x2) 7.30 Katie & Peter: Stateside 8.30 New Homes From Hell 2009 9.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 FILM: American Pie (1999) 12.55am Coronation Street

11.10am On The Buses 11.45 Rising Damp 12.15pm Carry On Laughing 12.50 Heartbeat 1.50 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.00 The Grand (x2) 5.20 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 8.00 Kingdom (x2) 10.00 Ghostboat 11.30 Wycliffe 1.05am The Grand (x2)

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 Jade: As Seen On TV 11.00 Big Brother Around The World 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 Grand Designs 10.00 True Stories: Painting The Mind 11.10 True Stories: Here’s Johnny 12.20am Grand Designs 1.55 True Stories: Painting The Mind

1.50pm The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 2.30 RSPCA Animal Rescue 3.00 CSI: Miami 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Ghost Hunters 3.00 Men In Trees

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

TCM

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Knight Rider 9.00 Dollhouse 10.00 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 11.50 FILM: Child’s Play 3 (1991) 1.30am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun

Classics

Indie

Film4

2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper Special 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road

10.40am The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 12.45pm To Catch A Thief (1955) 2.45 Spellbound (1945) 4.45 Hitchcock Special 5.15 Lifeboat (1944) 7.00 Rear Window (1954) 9.00 To Catch A Thief (1955) 10.50 Psycho (1960) 12.40am Lifeboat (1944) 2.20 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)

1.30pm Control (2007) 3.40 The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 5.40 Bottle Rocket (1996) 7.15 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 10.00 Control (2007) 12.05am The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 2.00 The Tango Lesson (1997)

11.00am Mr Smith Goes To Washington (1939) 1.30pm Jolson Sings Again (1949) 3.20 Phffft! (1954) 5.05 Bullwhip (1958) 6.50 Made In America (1993) Average comedy starring Whoopee Goldberg and Ted Danson. 9.00 Gosford Park (2001) 11.40 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992) 1.20am Wild Strawberries (1957)

7.05am Mary Mary (1963) 9.05 Spencer’s Mountain (1963) 11.15 A Lion Is In The Streets (1953) 1.00pm Welcome To Hard Times (1967) 3.00 Grand Prix (1966) 6.15 Goodbye Mr Chips (1969) 9.00 Tin Cup (1996) 11.35 Klute (1971) 1.45am The Swarm (1978) 4.20 The Screening Room 5.00 Spencer’s Mountain (1963)

5.40pm As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Story Of Only Fools And Horses 10.20 The Royle Family 11.00 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.40 The Story Of Only Fools And Horses 1.00am The Royle Family 1.40 Harry Enfield And Chums

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Scrubs 1.10 Two And A Half Men (x2)

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6:52 PM

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wednesday 27 10 Things You Need To Know About Losing Weight BBC1, 8pm At last, a healthy look at the nation’s weight and what to do about it. With loads of fads and rumours, it’s hard to know how to lose weight healthily. Medical journalist Michael Mosley investigates the latest scientific breakthroughs in slimming and how to simply shed pounds. Top.

The Wire BBC2, 11.25pm It’s the finale of season two, and there are no disappointments here. Sobotka’s woes are finally submerged, Fitzhugh realises his messages weren’t reaching their intended target and Nick looks for a way out. Loads, in fact. Plus, that steadily building tension between Avon and Stringer Bell just won’t stop. Word.

Gossip Girl ITV2, 8pm Blair is still on the warpath with the poor soul who thought a career in education would be rewarding and helpful to the community. Not if you give Blair a ‘B’ it‘s not. Poor soul. Elsewhere Chuck wakes up in a hotel with no idea of what happened to him. As an extremely rich kid with no parents, this ain’t good at all.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Big And Small 3.15 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.25 Tronji 3.50 Funky Fables 4.00 Thumb Wrestling Federation 4.05 Paradise Café 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Animal 24:7 Fighting to protect Britain’s wildlife and pets. 8.00 10 Things You Need To Know About Losing Weight See highlights. 9.00 The Apprentice Reality series. Sir Alan sets the teams the task of selling on live TV. From thousands of products, they must select the ones they think they can sell best during just one hour of live television. Who’s fired?! Is it you? Is it?! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By No2EU – Yes To Democracy 10.40 The National Lottery Draws Gethin Jones is live from Lottery HQ. It’s a bit of a party. 10.50 The Street Paul Billerton strikes up a relationship with a local girl, but lets slip he is carrying a terrible secret. 11.50 FILM: It Runs In The Family (2003) Starring Kirk Douglas, Michael Douglas, Cameron Douglas, Diana Douglas. Drama looking at the successes and failures of three generations of a family. 1.35am Weatherview 1.40 Sign Zone: The Incredible Human Journey 2.40 Professor Regan’s...

6.00 – 8.50am Children’s television 8.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 9.10 Pinky And Perky 9.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 9.30 Beat The Boss USA 10.00 Little Howard’s Big Question 10.30 SMart 11.00 Dangermouse 11.15 FILM: Return To Oz (1985) 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Escape To The Country 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Green Party 6.00 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the soldiers returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 Keep It In The Family Twenty-eight-year-old Sarah manages a delicatessen in Glasgow’s trendy West End, but now the future of her family’s 400-acre dairy farm in Kent rests on her shoulders. 8.00 Springwatch Chris Packham and Kate Humble look at the plight of the cuckoo and ask the audience to join the search for these icons of spring. Not in clocks. 9.00 Armando Iannucci In Milton’s Heaven And Hell Milton is often considered too difficult and obscure for today’s reader, but to Armando Iannucci Paradise Lost is a thrilling work of creative genius that we ignore at our peril. In this film, Iannucci journeys through Milton’s life and his great poem, taking in everything from Satan and the start of spin to farting angels and questioning God. Lots. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to The Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By No2EU – Yes To Democracy 11.25 The Wire See highlights. 12.25am BBC News

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.25 The Class 9.55 Fat March USA 10.55 Alexa’s Top 20 Headline Grabbers 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The City Gardener 1.05 FILM: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.10 Party Election Broadcast By The Green Party 6.15 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.30 Emmerdale Zak makes it clear that Lizzie is no longer welcome at the homestead. Surely Dingles stick together, come what may? Scab! 7.00 UEFA Champions League Final: Barcelona V Manchester United Steve Rider presents live coverage from the Olympic Stadium in Rome, as holders Manchester United take on 2006 winners Barcelona. 10.10 News At Ten; Weather 10.45 Benidorm Mick has forgotten his and Janice’s wedding anniversary, and Janice tries to make herself feel better by enjoying the attentions of a handsome young admirer. Meanwhile, Donald and Jacqueline help Kelly get her own back on Mateo. Fun, fun, fun in the sun. 11.15 FILM: Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde (2002) Starring John Hannah, David Warner, Kellie Shirley. Re-imagining of the classic story by Robert Louis Stevenson, in which a doctor believes he can purge his own dark impulses by drinking a mind-altering potion. 1.05am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.00 Loose Women 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Frankie is devastated when Warren reveals that he paid Jake £10,000 to take the blame for Sean’s death. Whoa there, mister! Way to shake up a mama. Plus, Sasha finds a single one-way ticket in Warren’s wardrobe. You lookin’ to shake up all the ladies of Chester? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: If Not School, Then What? 8.00 Embarrassing Bodies Among the patients this week is a newlywed who doesn’t enjoy sex, a man with a rotting armpit and a rock musician with dental problems. Have dinner early. 9.00 Grand Designs Designers Jane and Robert Ellis are planning a contemporary conversion of a 300-year-old barn into a stunning home with steel and glass. S’easy! 10.00 Desperate Housewives US drama series set in suburbia. Lynette is upset with Tom for his latest idea. Orson threatens to blackmail Bree. Bad Kyle McLachlan! 11.05 The Operation: Surgery Live Krishnan Guru-Murthy hosts the interactive surgery series. 12.05am Dirty Sexy Money 1.05 Around The World In 80 Trades 2.05 Missing: Race Against Time 3.05 Full Metal Challenge 4.05 Scrapheap Challenge 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Cubeez

6.00 – 8am Chldren’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: Murder 101: If Wishes Were Horses (2007) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Doubts are raised about Hugo’s shark story. Nicole’s attraction towards Trey increases. She’s a goer. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series with Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. 6.55 PEB: The Green Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.25 PEB: Christian Party/Christian Peoples Alliance 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services. The RAF fights to rescue two boys who have drifted out to sea. After-school special? 8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Las Vegas-based forensic drama. The CSIs investigate the murder of a wealthy lawyer who was killed at her son’s wedding, but the case is compromised when Nick’s car is stolen along with all the evidence from the scene. Whoops! 9.00 FILM: Presumed Innocent (1990) Starring Harrison Ford, Brian Dennehy, Raul Julia. Tense courtroom thriller centred on the rape and murder of a district attorney’s legal colleague and one-time lover. 11.30 True CSI Forensic science documentary series. 12.30am PartyPoker.com 2.05 V8 Supercars 2.40 Race And Rally UK 3.30 NHL Ice Hockey 5.10 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x4) 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Final Preview 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football: UEFA Champions League (x2) 1.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Final Preview 2.30 Football: UEFA Champions League (x2) 4.30 Celebrity Soccer Sixes 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Pre-Game Show 7.30 LIVE: Football: UEFA Champions League Final 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League Final 2.00 Poker 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Final 5.30 Total Rugby

Sky Sports 2 6.30am Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker 12.30pm Athletics: Great Citygames Manchester Run 1.00 International Cricket 3.00 World Hockey Monthly 3.30 Poker 5.00 Athletics: Great Manchester Run 5.30 Live Twenty20 Cup Cricket 9.00 Athletics: Great Manchester Run 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 1.00am Trans World Sport 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 Boots ‘n’ All 3.30 Twenty20 Cup Cricket

Sky Sports 3 7.00am British Rally Championship 8.00 Golf (x2) PGA Euro Pro Tour 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm British Rally Championship 1.00 Golf 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 360 Series 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE: Afterburn 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Powerboat: P1 World Championship 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Aero GP (x2) 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Golf: PGA Euro Pro Tour 2.00 Powerboat: P1 World Championship 3.00 Athletics: Great Citygames Manchester Run 3.30 Max Power Victoria Nangle

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3.00pm Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Celebrity Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Prison Break: The Final Break (x2) 12.00am Fringe 1.10 Fringe 2.15 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 FILM: Enigma (2001) 10.55 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday 12.15am Make My Body Younger 1.10 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding 2.10 Bizarre Animal ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Masterpieces Of The British Museum 8.00 How The Celts Saved Britain 9.00 Feasts 10.00 The Great British Foreign Holiday 11.00 FILM: Sylvia (2003) 12.50am The Great British Foreign Holiday 1.50 Batman (x2) 2.40 Mad Men (x2) 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Creature Comforts 5.30 Britain’s Got Talent (x2) 8.00 Gossip Girl. See highlights. 9.00 FILM: American Pie 2 (2001) 11.00 FILM: Armed & Dangerous (1986) 12.45am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show

12.30pm Carry On Laughing 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.05 The Grand (x2) 5.20 Carry On Laughing 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.10 FILM: After Hours (1985) 1.05am The Grand (x2)

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.50 Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: AVP: Alien Vs Predator (2004) 10.45 FILM: Wicker Park (2004) 1.00am Scrubs (x2) 2.00 My Name Is Earl

6.05pm Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 How Clean Is Your House? 9.00 Never Did Me Any Harm 10.00 Born To Be Different 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 12.10am Never Did Me Any Harm 1.15 Born To Be Different 2.15 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

1.50pm The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties 3.00 Men In Trees

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2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 9/11: The Falling Man 10.30 Unsolved Murders 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Warbirds (2008) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Storm Seekers (2008) 9.50 FILM: Black Dawn (2005) 11.40 FILM: Bloodsuckers (2005) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Star Trek (x2) 5.00 Quantum Leap

6.20am Vertigo (1958) 8.30 Torn Curtain (1966) 10.40 Rear Window (1954) 12.35pm The Birds (1963) 2.35 Marnie (1964) 4.50 Vertigo (1958) 7.00 Torn Curtain (1966) 9.10 Frenzy (1972) 11.10 Topaz (1969) 1.40am Marnie (1964) 4.00 Rear Window (1954)

1.45pm The Commitments (1991) 3.45 December Boys (2007) 5.35 Movie Geek 6.05 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 8.05 Sunshine (2007) 10.00 Eastern Promises (2007) 11.45 Black Snake Moan (2006) 1.40am Running With Scissors (2006) 3.45 Eastern Promises (2007)

11.00am Platinum Blonde (1931) 12.45pm The Bitter Tea Of General Yen (1933) 2.30 Harriet Craig (1950) 4.30 Genevieve (1953) 6.15 Ben StillerIntroduces... 6.20 The Core (2003) 9.00 Sliding Doors (1998) 10.55 28 Days Later (2001) Class zombie flick. 1.10am The Magician (1958)

11.05am Marlowe (1969) 12.55pm The Double Man (1967) 3.00 The Bobo (1967) 5.05 To Have And Have Not (1944) 7.00 The Abdication (1974) 9.00 Before Sunrise (1995) 11.05 That’ll Be The Day (1973) 12.55am Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962) 3.05 Before Sunrise (1995)

5.40pm As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley Story 10.25 The Royle Family 11.05 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.45 The Vicar Of Dibley Story 1.10am The Royle Family 1.50 Harry Enfield And Chums

6.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.35 Sex And The City (x2) 11.45 South Park (x2) 12.45am The Sarah Silverman Programme (x2)

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5/21/09

3:23 PM

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thursday 28 Tourettes: I Swear I Can’t Help It BBC1, 9pm John Davidson was initially interviewed by the BBC when he was 15 back in 1988. In 2002 they went to catch up with him, meet with 15-year-old Greg Storey and to compare their experiences of being a teenager with Tourettes. Is it the same now? And how has John’s life changed?

Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Five, 10pm Just because there are a lot of Law and Order shows doesn’t mean that they should be judged upon the quality of the most recent addition to the franchise, Law & Order: UK. Pants. This is a sensitively told episode of a baby girl found in a cooler. Time to speak up for her.

Previously On ER More4, 8.05pm After 15 seasons ER is finally coming to an end. Ahh. However, we can’t just let it go like that. Yay! This hour-long retrospective picks out favourite storyline clips, mixed in with interviews with cast past and present, including Noah Wyle, Alex Kingston, Anthony Edwards and Julianna Margulies. Remember it well.

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6.00 – 8.50am Children’s television 8.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 9.10 Pinky And Perky 9.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 9.30 Beat The Boss USA 10.00 Little Howard’s Big Question 10.30 SMart 11.00 FILM: Wide Awake (1998) 12.20pm Coast 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Animal 24:7 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Liberal Democrats 6.00 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs compete to cook a homecoming dinner for the soldiers returning from Afghanistan. 7.00 The Apprentice Reality series. Another chance to catch yesterday’s episode. 8.00 Springwatch Has Simon King managed to find the elusive polecat? How are Chris Packham and Kate Humble’s animal families doing at their base in Norfolk? And what about Gordon Buchanan’s badger family? People need to know! 9.00 Keep It In The Family Established in 1830, Austin’s of Derry is the oldest department store in the world. Luke Hasson, the store’s 66-yearold owner, is desperate to retire. The eldest of his five daughters, 39-year-old Sinead, runs a successful business in recruitment, and her only retail experience is as a teenage Saturday girl. Time to give retail a proper bash. 10.00 The Graham Norton Show Joining Graham are film stars Kurt Russell and Toni Collette. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Jury Team 11.25 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to The Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 12.05am BBC News 4.00 Short Circuit (x2)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Class 9.55 Fat March USA 10.55 Fat March USA 11.50 Supporting Acts 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Flatpack Stories 12.35 Life Begins Again 1.40 FILM: Two Thousand Women (1944) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Warren regains consciousness and is shocked to discover the identity of his captor. Mr Blobby?! Please let it be so. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: If Not School, Then What? 8.00 The Home Show Architect George Clarke transformed Mandy and Andy’s beige house in Surrey and returns to find out if they still love their new, modern home. Has it fallen to bits? Slapdash work? 9.00 The Building Inspector Is Coming Documentary following the work of Birmingham City Council’s building control unit, the biggest in the UK with 80 staff. 10.00 Extreme Male Beauty Tim tries to tone up his skin by drinking his own urine before experiencing some extreme waxing. He also meets 40-year-old biker Jay Wheddon, who lost his looks after taking steroids to cure an illness. He’s now going under the knife to get them back. Ow. 11.05 The Operation: Surgery Live The final programme. 12.10am 4 Music: XBox Campfire Sessions 12.45 4 Music: Dubplate 1.15 4Play: Gary Go 1.25 Shockwaves Album Chart Show 1.55 Around The World In 80 Trades 2.55 3 Minute Wonder 3.00 The Closer 3.45 British Made 3.55 Scrapheap Challenge 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Cubeez 5.50 Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Mystery Woman: Mystery Weekend (2005) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: European Open 1.00pm Football: UEFA Champions League Final 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 Football: UEFA Champions League Final 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.00 LIVE: Twenty20 Cricket 10.30 Lions 1974 – Invincibles 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Lions 1974: Invincibles 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 Lions 1974: Invincibles 4.30 The Rugby Club 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Billy has to face his demons when he discovers that Jay is in serious danger, and Jack is left reeling by what he finds in Ronnie’s drawer. A fishing line with Moby Dick on the end. 8.00 On The Fiddle? Documentary series. Benefit fraud investigators are on the trail of a family of Sicilians who are still claiming benefits for their father, even though he has been dead for six years. How dead exactly? 8.30 My Family Domestic sitcom. Ben is unhappy with his lot, but is even less happy with Susan’s bookwriting house guest. 9.00 Tourettes: I Swear I Can’t Help It See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Jury Team 10.40 Question Time In London for a European Election special. 11.40 FILM: The Name Of The Rose (1986) Starring Sean Connery, F Murray Abraham, Christian Slater. Gripping, atmospheric adaptation of Umberto Eco’s classic detective novel set in the Middle Ages. 1.45am Holiday Weatherview 1.50 Sign Zone: Panorama 2.20 Countryfile 3.15 Real Rescues 4.00 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Liberal Democrats 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa’s refusal to evict Lizzie thwarts Zak’s plans. That sort of implies he’s got the makings of an evil plotmaker. He hasn’t. 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney and Rachel de Thame continue their summer journey across Britain, visiting the most visually spectacular and unusual parts of the country. 8.00 Coronation Street Joe conceals his growing addiction from Gail. Has there ever been a point when that man was honest? Colouring in time, maybe? 8.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec host the fourth of the live semifinals, featuring another eight hopefuls. Poke fun as judges Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden deliberate. Thinking faces on. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.30 Party Election Broadcast By Jury Team 10.35 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez. High-octane action thriller. Cop Brian O’Connor goes undercover in Los Angeles’ street-racing scene in order to snare a villainous gang-leader. 12.35am Motorsport UK 1.25 Crossing Jordan 2.15 Loose Women 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 Home And Away Hugo and John Palmer are involved in a brawl. Gardy persuades Roman not to confess his crimes. Isn’t that supposed to be good for the soul? 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad A poodle is brought in to the vets having eaten a plastic bag. Is it dim or what? 6.55 PEB: The UK Independence Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.25 PEB: Socialist Labour Party 7.30 Highland Emergency 8.00 Paul Merton In India Series following Paul Merton as he travels through India. Not hard to work out. 9.00 The Mentalist Drama series. Jane convinces Lisbon to take on a case as a favour to an old associate. The consultant initially thinks that animal activists are to blame for the crime, but begins to doubt his instincts. Never! This fella’s more arrogant than all the US boxers, ever! 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit See highlights. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. When the president of a Manhattan condominium tower is murdered with an electrical saw, Detectives Goren and Eames find themselves at the centre of a beehive of secrets. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 NBA Basketball 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Football: UEFA Champions League Final 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00pm Twenty20 Cup Cricket 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: European Open 6.00 Race World 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 The Rugby Club 10.30 LIVE: Live Sky Poker FiveOO 12.30am Twenty20 Cup Cricket 2.30 Golf Night 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Powerboat: P1 World Championship 8.30 Aero GP (x2) 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Powerboat: P1 World Championship 1.00 Aero GP (x2) 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Powerboat: P1 World Championship 5.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 6.00 Ocean Adventures 6.30 The Dogs 7.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.30 LIVE: National Rugby League 9.30 WWE: Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am National Rugby League

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12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones 12.00am Law And Order 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 9.00 Pulling Special 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Ideal 12.20am Pulling Special 1.15 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.45 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Masterpieces Of The British Museum 9.00 Michael Wood On Beowulf 10.00 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 10.30 Feasts 11.30 Michael Wood On Beowulf 12.30am The Jew Who Dealt With Nazis: Storyville 2.00 Feasts 3.00 The New Avengers 5.30 Close

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 8.30 Homes From Hell 2009 9.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 FILM: The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) 1.15am Coronation Street

11.10am Rising Damp 11.50 Carry On Laughing 12.20pm Heartbeat 1.20 Upstairs, Downstairs 2.30 The Grand (x2) 4.45 Monarch Of The Glen 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.05 Beyond A Joke 12.05am The Grand (x2)

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.35 Beehive (x2) 11.40 Reno 911 (x2) 12.40am Scrubs (x2)

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.05 Previously On ER. See highlights. 9.00 ER 10.45 Brothers And Sisters 11.45 Previously On ER 12.40am ER

1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 3.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 Trophy Wives 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

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2.30pm Unsolved Murders 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 9.00 American Loggers 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 5.00 Star Trek 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 10.00 Dollhouse 11.00 Knight Rider 12.00am FILM: Out For A Kill (2003) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Star Trek (x2)

10.00am Hitchcock Special 10.30 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 12.30pm Psycho (1960) 2.30 Rear Window (1954) 4.30 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 6.30 Hitchcock Special 7.00 Lifeboat (1944) 8.40 North By Northwest (1959) 11.00 Rear Window (1954) 12.55am Frenzy (1972)

6.00am Sky Movies Preview (x3) 9.00 This Is My Father (1998) 11.00 The Serpent (2006) 1.05pm Earth (1998) 3.05 Water (2005) 5.05 The Movie Geek 5.35 The Kite Runner (2007) 7.45 Across The Universe (2007) 10.00 Breaking And Entering (2006) 12.00am Mo’ Better Blues (1990)

11.00am Forbidden (1932) 12.50pm Tokyo Joe (1949) 2.35 The Bells Of St Mary’s (1945) 5.00 Do Not Disturb (1965) 7.00 Just My Luck (2006) Lyndsay Lohan stars with McFly – yup, you read right – in this fluffy romcom. 9.00 Hotel Rwanda (2004) 11.20 Porky’s (1982) 1.15am Johnny O’Clock (1947)

7.10am Marlowe (1969) 8.50 Critic’s Choice (1963) 10.40 Hotel (1967) 1.05pm She’s Back On Broadway (1953) 3.00 Elvis: That’s The Way It Is () 4.55 The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948) 7.20 Viva Las Vegas (1964) 9.00 City Of Angels (1998) 11.15 Stardust (1975) 1.25am Mutiny On The Bounty (1962)

5.40pm As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Morecambe And Wise: The Greatest Moment 10.35 The Royle Family 11.10 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.50 Morecambe And Wise 1.25am The Royle Family

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5/20/09

2:49 PM

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friday 29 My Life In Verse: Sheila Hancock BBC2, 9pm Sheila Hancock – actress and memoirist – explores her love of poetry, that’s become more of a lifeline since the death of her husband John Thaw in 2002. Revisiting old haunts and illustrating the memories with verses representing her love and loss, in a deeply personal journey.

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1, 10.35pm Always to be relied upon, Wossy is joined for a rare UK appearance by Hugh Laurie. No longer the dopey toff of his Bertie Wooster days, he’s now hitting the Emmys as the bad-tempered House – and mouthing off about a lack of opportunities in the UK. Should be interesting chatter.

Big Brother’s Big Quiz E4, 10pm Yup, you thought it’d never come back but Big Brother is just around the corner. Didn’t you realise that with the sunshine comes sunbathing wannabes in silly exit outfits? Nuff said. It may be different this year. Anyway, to get you up to speed and in the mood Davina McCall hosts this one-off comedy quiz. Fabbo.

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6.00 – 8.50am Children’s television 8.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 9.10 Pinky And Perky 9.25 Thumb Wrestling Federation 9.30 Beat The Boss USA 10.00 Little Howard’s Big Question 10.30 SMart 11.00 FILM: The Country Bears (2002) 12.25pm Coast 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Animal 24:7 2.15 Escape To The Country 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The UKIP 6.00 Great British Menu It’s judgement time for Great British Menu. 6.30 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts. 7.00 Are You Being Served? Classic sitcom set in the Grace Brothers department store. A love note from Mr Lucas to Miss Brahms is delivered to the wrong person. 7.30 Mastermind The subjects include the life and works of Mozart and Norwich City FC. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. Carol continues teaching her three keen amateur gardeners some more horticultural techniques; this week, her gardening class features ‘tip cuttings’. 9.00 My Life In Verse: Sheila Hancock See highlights 10.00 Britain’s Best Drives Actor Richard Wilson follows routes raved about in motor guides 50 years ago. 10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.00 Newsnight Review Round-table arts discussion series. 11.35 Later With Jools Holland Music show. Joining Jools are Kasabian, The Pretenders, Baaba Maal, Paul Jones and Regina Spektor 12.40am Medium Supernatural Drama series. 1.25 The Wire Season 2.20 The Wire Season two 3.20 The Wire Season two of the acclaimed police drama from

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Class 9.55 Fat March USA 10.55 Fat March USA 11.45 Postmodern Pastimes 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.30 FILM: I Was A Male War Bride (1949) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: John Grisham’s A Painted House (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The UK Independence Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola’s revelation about her pregnancy spells trouble for Jimmy. We can only get it to spell ‘creapy ngn’. 7.30 Coronation Street Natasha warns Maria away from Tony. 8.00 My Extreme Makeover Misery: Tonight Fiona Foster meets women who have had multiple cosmetic surgeries but are counting the cost after suffering psychological and physical problems. 8.30 Britain’s Got Talent Ant and Dec host the last of the live semifinals, in which another eight acts will strut their stuff in front of the live studio audience and Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.30 Party Election Broadcast By No2EU 10.35 FILM: The Beguiled (1971) Starring Clint Eastwood, Geraldine Page. Offbeat drama set during the American Civil War. A wounded Yankee soldier takes refuge in an isolated girls’ school in the South towards the end of the war. Tensions grow, to say the least. 12.35am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.25 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.20 FILM: Red Skies (2002) 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Still held prisoner in the Loft, Warren tries his best to convince Clare to get out while she can. When an intruder comes through the door, Clare pounces, leading to disaster. What is she – a tiger? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: If Not School, Then What? 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Gill and Jamie Taylor opt between the Cornwall/Devon border and the sunny Canary Islands in search of the perfect love nest. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon attempts to turn around Sebastian’s, a Los Angeles pizzeria that is losing money thanks to a menu stuffed with frozen ingredients. Like a frozen calzone. 10.00 FILM: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2002) Starring Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey. Romantic comedy in which a smooth-tongued advertising executive bets that he can make a girl fall in love with him in 10 days, except the lady in question has a similar wager riding. Oh, the wags! 12.10am 4 Music: 4Music Favourites 12.45 JD Set Presents: The Brute Chorus 12.55 4Play: Tori Amos 1.10 No Angels 2.10 What About Brian 2.50 The Closer 3.40 Scrapheap Challenge 4.35 Countdown 5.20 World Superbikes 5.40 The Cubeez 5.50 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Hugo avoids getting closer to Martha. Spell at sea would do that for you. Or quarantine. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series with Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. 6.55 PEB: The Liberal Democrat Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Top Trumps: Extreme Planes Based on the popular card game of the 1970s and 80s. 8.00 Police Interceptors Doc series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. Gibbs is forced to come out of retirement to help Fornell and his daughter Emily, who are being threatened by a convict who escaped from prison. Because the younger more up to speed agents are obviously all idiots. Dur. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. Logan and Wheeler’s investigation into the death of a womanising doctor exposes his son’s relationship with a teacher. Teacher of what?! 11.00 Numb3rs Detective drama. Charlie tracks a possible serial killer who changes his methods to evade the attention of the police. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: European Open 1.00pm Barclays Premier League World 1.30 The Rugby Club 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 National Rugby League 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Live Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Hold The Back Page 10.00 Friday Fight Night Live 12.00am Hold The Back Page 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 Gillette World Sport 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Hold The Back Page 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker is in the chair as she hosts another episode of the long-running sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders Ian forces Mo to make the ultimate sacrifice to pay off Stacey’s debt. Buying retail? 8.30 Total Wipeout Fast Forward Another chance to follow the trials and tribulations of the biggest obstacle course in the world. 9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz with Andrew Maxwell as guest panellist. 9.30 Reggie Perrin In the series finale, Reggie’s crisis comes to a head as Groomtech holds its office party. Mind the stationery cupboard. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross See highlights. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.40 FILM: Starship Troopers (1997) Starring Casper Van Dien, Dina Meyer, Denise Richards. Science fiction adventure in which a futuristic, militarised Earth is threatened by giant insects from outer space. 1.40am Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: 10 Things You Need To Know About Sleep 2.45 Real Rescues 3.30 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 UAE Motor Racing Championship 10.00 The Rugby Club 11.00 Lions 1974: Invincibles 12.00pm Twenty20 Cup Cricket 2.00 The Dogs 2.30 UAE Motor Racing Championship 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: European Open 6.00 Gillette World Sport 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE International Football 9.30 Volvo Ocean Race 10.00 Tight Lines 11.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 1.00am International Football 3.00 Ocean Adventures 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 Tight Lines 5.00 Ocean Adventures 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Raw 9.00 National Rugby League 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Race World 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 Race World 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 Gillette World Sport 8.00 LIVE European Rugby: Heineken Cup 10.00 Lions 1974: Invincibles 11.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Golf Night 4.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket Victoria Nangle

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12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 FILM: Predator 2 (1990) 12.05am Prison Break: The Final Break (x2) 2.05 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 Doctor Who 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 My Life As An Animal: Wildest Moments 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Coming Of Age 12.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.45 Ideal 2.15 Bizarre Animal ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Seven Last Words Of Our Saviour On The Cross 8.45 Sounds Of The Sixties 9.00 California Dreamin’: The Mamas And The Papas 10.00 Rock Family Trees 10.50 The Old Grey Whistle Test 11.30 Flight Of The Conchords 12.00am The Great British Foreign Holiday

2.35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Britain’s Got Talent (x2) 8.30 Superhuman: World’s Tallest Children 9.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 FILM: Cliffhanger (1993) 1.10am Coronation Street 1.40 Britain’s Got More Talent

11.45am Rising Damp 12.15pm Carry On Laughing 12.50 Heartbeat 1.50 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.00 The Grand (x2) 5.20 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 A Touch Of Frost (x2) 1.05am The Grand (x2) 3.00 Rising Damp

1.45pm Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix 10.00 Big Brother’s Big Quiz. See highlights. 11.05 Alan Carr’s Celebrity Ding Dong 11.55 Scrubs (x2) 12.50am My Name Is Earl

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 How Clean Is Your House? 9.00 FILM: One Fine Day (1996) 11.10 FILM: Solaris (2002) 1.05am FILM: One Fine Day (1996)

12.00pm Maury (x2) 1.50 The Fix 2.00 Passport Patrol 3.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 2.00am Criminal Minds

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4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How It’s Made 8.00 Mythbusters 9.00 Time Team 10.00 SAS: Special Forces Heroes 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill

12.00pm Star Trek 1.00 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 3.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Quest For Akhenaten’s Tomb (2008) 5.00 Joe 90 (x2) 6.00 Stingray (x2) 7.00 Thunderbirds 8.05 FILM: The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad (1974) 10.05 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Star Of Heaven (2008) 12.05am FILM: Child’s Play 3 (1991)

6.35am Topaz (1969) 9.00 The Birds (1963) 11.00 Torn Curtain (1966) 1.10pm Notorious (1946) 2.55 To Catch A Thief (1955) 4.45 North By Northwest (1959) 7.00 Spellbound (1945) 9.00 Notorious (1946) 10.45 To Catch A Thief (1955) 12.35am Spellbound (1945) 2.30 Torn Curtain (1966)

10.50am Fire (1996) 12.50pm Margot At The Wedding (2007) 2.30 The Good German (2005) 4.30 Tumbleweeds (1999) 6.20 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 8.20 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 10.00 The Good German (2005) 11.55 The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 1.30am Happiness (1999)

11.00am American Madness (1932) 12.35pm You Can’t Take It With You (1938) 3.00 An Affair To Remember (1957) 5.15 Ben Stiller Introduces... 5.20 The Beverly Hillbillies (1993) 7.10 Cheaper By The Dozen (2003) 9.00 Cocktail (1988) 11.00 Gangs Of New York (2002) 2.15am Five Against The House (1955)

9.15am The Naked Hills (1956) 10.40 Serenade (1956) 1.00pm Stop The World: I Want To Get Off! (1966) 3.00 The Time Machine (1960) 4.55 The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone (1961) 7.00 Assignment To Kill (1969) 9.00 Dark City (1998) 11.00 Caddyshack (1980) 12.55am Dark City (1998) 3.05 The Sergeant (1968)

5.00pm Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 5.40 As Time Goes By 6.20 One Foot In The Grave 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family 10.15 Jonathan Creek 11.25 French And Saunders Easter Special 12.20am The Royle Family 1.35 Bread 2.10 The Two Ronnies

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Lee Evans Live – Different Planet Tour 1.00am Two And A Half Men

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saturday 30 Britain’s Got Talent – The Final ITV1, 6.45pm & 9.30pm After weeks of dog tricks, cheerleaders and novelty acts Simon, Piers and Amanda have got Britain’s talent pool down to these final poor souls. Each vying for the chance to win £100,000 and a possible gig at the Royal Variety Performance in front of the Queen. The public decide.

The Hitler Family Channel 4, 8pm Sounds like a bad taste sitcom, but this programme takes a closer look at the Fuhrer’s relationship with his relatives. Difficult considering that he tried to hide all evidence that they existed. From his shady half brother Alois, to his English-born nephew who extorted money from his uncle to live the high life.

Big Brother: A Decade in the Headlines E4, 10.50pm It’s been a while since a buff, Scouse builder won the first ever Big Brother in what was seen as a bit of a social experiment. Ten years, to be exact. Journalist Grace Dent looks at the impact the reality show has had on the media and people in its journey to become a worldwide brand.

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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Take On The Takeaway 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Cash In The Attic 12.55 Canoeing: European Slalom Championships 2.30 FILM: Hocus Pocus (1993) 4.00 FILM: First Daughter (2004) 5.40 BBC News 5.55 South East Today

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Dinosapien 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.10 The Owl 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 What’s New ScoobyDoo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 9.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 10.00 Transmission Impossible With Ed And Oucho 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Kyle XY 12.45 Winging It 1.10 Class Of 2008 Graduated 1.35 Sound 2.05 Animal Park 2.35 FILM: And Then There Were None (1945) 4.10 Flog It! 5.10 Rugby League: Challenge Cup - Quarter Final 7.30 The Birth Of British Music Conductor Charles Hazlewood explores the lives, times and music of great composers. Not counting Chas’n’Dave. 8.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Captain Mainwaring is annoyed when a death elevates Sgt Wilson to the fringes of the aristocracy. Surely a bank manager trumps a title in wartime! 9.00 Timewatch History series. Researchers and historians are still arguing about why Omaha Beach was the hardest beach to capture in the D-day landings. It ran fastest? Sorry. 10.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host David Mitchell and guest panellists including Andrew Maxwell. 10.40 The Funny Side Of The News News is a serious, difficult and complicated business. Which makes newsreaders’ mistakes even funnier. Clive Anderson presents a selection of classic news bloopers. Tune in to see if it’s really in as bad taste as it sounds. 11.40 Ian Hislop’s Changing Of The Bard Ian Hislop takes an amused and affecting look at one of the most peculiar offices. 12.40am FILM: A Man Of No Importance (1994) 2.20 FILM: The Reckless Moment (1949)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.25 Quincy, ME 11.25 Britain’s Got Talent 12.55pm ITV News And Weather 1.00 FA Cup Live 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Volkswagen Racing Cup 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.30 Friends 10.15 One Tree Hill 11.05 Friends 11.35 The Script: Video Exclusive 11.45 Just Dance! Lady GaGa’s 20 Party Tunes 12.55pm Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 The Coach Trip 4.30 The Coach Trip 5.00 The Coach Trip 5.30 The Coach Trip

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 Mio Mao 7.05 Franklin 7.30 Hana’s Helpline 7.45 Olivia 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.15 Animal Families 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Michaela’s Zoo Babies 10.30 Mobil 1 The Grid 11.00 Helicopter Warfare 12.00pm The Gadget Show 1.00 FILM: Dial M For Murder (1954) 3.05 FILM: Hook (1991) 5.40 Five News 5.50 FILM: The Magnificent Seven (1960) 8.00 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. The team is called to investigate a marine’s wife, who has killed an intruder who tried to rape her. However, all is not as it first seems. Of course not. That would be a five minute bulletin, not an hour. 9.00 NCIS Drama series. Tony goes undercover to help a prisoner escape from a military detention camp in order to recover millions of dollars worth of Iraqi art. Little does he know that the man he is trying to help may also be a dangerous killer. Yelp! 10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. A man falls from media tycoon Robert Dunbrook’s window following a fight, but the body suddenly disappears. Dunbrook insists he was acting in self-defence. Course he was. Tycoon’s are always being picked on unfairly. 11.00 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers. A promiscuous young lawyer is found bludgeoned to death in her office, and Fontana and Green suspect one of her colleagues. Which one? Eeny, meeny, miney, mo... 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Rough Guide To Beaches 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 Hold The Back Page 8.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.00 Cricket AM 10.30 LIVE IRB Sevens 1.30pm LIVE Rugby Union 4.15 LIVE International Rugby Union 7.00 LIVE Super League 9.00 Rugby Union 10.30 Scottish Cup Final 12.00am Super League 2.00 Spanish Football 3.30 Scottish Cup Final 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.05 FILM: Toy Story (1995) Starring Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles, Jim Varney, Wallace Shawn. Computer-animated fantasy in which a child’s toys comes alive. When toys attack. Or at least bicker. 7.25 Robin Hood Drama. Robin thinks he can strike a deal with Sheriff Isabella, but his plans are thwarted when an unexpected stranger from her past arrives. Ooh! 8.10 The National Lottery Draws Jenni Falconer is live from Lottery HQ with the Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto Draws. What a party! 8.20 Casualty Medical drama. There is friction between Jordan and Zoe, but as the day progresses what will the evening bring? Snookems. 9.10 Reggie Perrin Repeat of Friday’s finale. 9.40 BBC News 10.00 FILM: Red Eye (2005) Starring Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy. Thriller in which a hotel manager’s family is threatened during an overnight flight by a fellow passenger who wants to use her hotel in a planned assassination. 11.15 FILM: Scream (1996) Starring Neve Campbell, Skeet Ulrich, Courteney Cox, Matthew Lillard, David Arquette. Horror thriller, with strong overtones of black comedy. 1.00am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.00 Weatherview 2.05 BBC News

6.00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents a compilation of the funniest home videos. You’ll laugh ‘til you crack a smile. Just. 6.45 Britain’s Got Talent – The Final See highlights. 8.30 All Star Mr & Mrs Taking part today are Liz Dawn and her husband Don, A-Ha’s Morten Harket and his wife Inez, and presenters Matt and Emma Willis. Be great if there was an ITV2 show afterwards to see them all bickering about the ones they got wrong. Pah! 9.30 Britain’s Got Talent – The Final Result See highlights. 10.00 Mumbai Calling New comedy series. When Kenny Gupta is sent from London to manage a call centre in Mumbai, he soon finds himself broken-hearted and miserable. Ha ha. 10.30 FA Cup Highlights Matt Smith presents highlights of the 128th FA Cup Final from Wembley where Chelsea take on Everton. 11.30 ITV News And Weather 11.45 FILM: Village Of The Damned (1995) Starring Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, Linda Koslowski, Mark Hamill. Horror in which two doctors struggle to save the residents of a village after a band of aliens impregnate ten female villagers. 1.35am Six Degrees 2.25 FILM: Double Bill (2003) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Coach Trip Reality series in which a group of tourists undertake an epic six-week coach trip across Europe. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor Former Special Forces adventurer Bear Grylls demonstrates how to survive in the world’s most extreme environments. In the Black Hills, Bear faces treacherous granite cliffs, explores an abandoned gold mine and survives a huge electrical storm. Bet he’d be useful on West Street. 8.00 The Hitler Family See highlights. 9.00 Hitler: The Rise Of Evil Two-part drama about the Nazi dictator. The concluding episode charts the Fuhrer’s ruthless rise from his prison cell where he penned Mein Kampf, to his complete control over Germany. Between him and his goal was Paul von Hindenburg who was also vying for the presidency. 10.55 FILM: Basic Instinct 2 (2006) Starring Sharon Stone, David Morrissey, Stan Collymore, Charlotte Rampling and David Thewlis. Sequel to the notorious erotic thriller which sees the manipulative novelist, now relocated to London, implicated in the death of a football player. 1.05am FILM: Kissing Jessica Stein (2001) 2.50 The Closer 3.40 Psyche And Eros 4.05 Big Art 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Race World 7.00 Lions 1974: Invincibles 8.00 LIVE Super 14 Rugby 10.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.00 Volvo Ocean Race 11.30 Gillette World Sport 12.00pm Friday Fight Night 2.00 LIVE Scottish Cup Final 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.00 LIVE Speedway 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 Super 14 Rugby 12.30am Rugby Union 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 Volvo Ocean Race 3.30 Gillette World Sport 4.00 Rugby Union 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Max Power 8.00 Friday Fight Night 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 Max Power 2.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Volvo Ocean Race 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 Golf Night 5.00 Sports Unlimited

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12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 American Gladiators 3.00 Lost 4.00 Lost 5.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 Bones 10.00 UK Border Force (x2) 12.00am 24 (x2) 1.55 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Most Annoying Couples 7.05 Snog Marry Avoid? 7.35 The Real Hustle On Holiday 8.10 Top Gear 9.10 FILM: Enigma (2001) 11.05 Live At The Apollo 11.50 Family Guy 12.15am American Dad! 12.35 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.00 Bizarre Animal ER 1.30 Make My Body Younger 2.30 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm Legends: The Motown Invasion 8.00 Motown At The BBC 9.00 Standing In The Shadows Of Motown: Storyville 10.45 What’s Going On: The Life And Death Of Marvin Gaye 11.45 Motor City’s Burning: Detroit From Motown To The Stooges 12.45am Legends: The Motown Invasion

1.45pm Britain’s Got More Talent (x5) 6.45 Superhuman: Genius 7.45 Planet’s Funniest Animals 8.15 Sugababes: The Hot Desk 8.30 Britain’s Got More Talent 9.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent 11.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) 1.10am Britain’s Got Talent

1.55pm FILM: Garfield: A Tail Of Two Kitties (2006) 3.35 FILM: Mutiny On The Buses (1973) 5.20 Goodnight Sweetheart 6.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.00 A Touch Of Frost 9.00 Taggart 10.35 Cracker 11.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Going Wrong 12.45am Primeval: Through The Anomaly

2.30pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: AVP: Alien vs Predator (2004) 10.50 Big Brother: A Decade In The Headlines. See highlights. 11.50 Big Brother: According To Russell Brand 12.55am Dark Angel

9.00am Time Team (x4) 1.05pm FILM: Chariots Of Fire (1981) 3.30 Grand Designs (x5) 9.00 Previously On ER 10.00 ER 11.45 The West Wing 12.45am Previously On ER 1.40 ER 3.25 Close

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 FILM: The Exorcist (1973) 1.25am Paranormal State 2.00 Boston Legal

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12.00pm Time Team 1.00 The Worst Jobs In History (x3) 4.00 Forensic Detectives 5.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 6.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 7.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8.00 American Loggers 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Gang Wars 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 2.00 Joe 90 (x2) 3.00 Stingray (x2) 4.00 Thunderbirds 5.00 Knight Rider 6.00 FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 8.00 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 9.50 FILM: Mega Snake (2004) 11.40 FILM: Creature (2004) 1.40am Star Trek 3.00 Joe 90 (x2)

7.05am The Birds (1963) 9.05 Lifeboat (1944) 10.45 Rear Window (1954) 12.45pm The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 2.50 Vertigo (1958) 5.00 Rear Window (1954) 7.00 The Birds (1963) 9.00 Marnie (1964) 11.15 North By Northwest (1959) 1.35am Topaz (1969)

10.40am Mumford (1999) 12.40pm December Boys (2007) 2.30 Sunshine (2007) 4.20 Jindabyne (2006) 6.30 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 8.10 Sunshine (2007) 10.00 In Bruges (2008) 11.50 Eastern Promises (2007) 1.35am Youth Without Youth (2007) 3.40 In Bruges (2008)

11.00am The Lost World (1960) 1.00pm Mighty Joe Young (1998) 3.10 The Awful Truth (1937) 5.00 Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 6.50 Grease (1978) 9.00 Planes, Trains And Automobiles (1987) 10.45 28 Days Later (2001) Brit zombie thriller. 1.00am The Crazies (1973)

10.10am The Madwoman Of Chaillot (1969) 1.00pm The Story Of Mankind (1957) 3.00 The VIPs (1963) 5.15 Montana (1950) 6.50 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 9.00 Bonfire Of The Vanities (1990) 11.25 Body Heat (1981) 1.35am Heart Of Darkness (1994) 3.30 Village Of The Damned (1960)

7.40am Bread 8.20 Solo 9.00 The Dick Emery Show 9.15 Only Fools And Horses (x17) 9.00pm Jonathan Creek (x2) 11.15 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.55 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 12.35am The Two Ronnies 1.35 The Dick Emery Show 2.00 Harry Enfield And Chums 2.25 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

2.00pm The King Of Queens (x2) 3.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans Live – Different Planet Tour 10.30 FILM: Dumb And Dumber (1994) 12.30am Jackass

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sunday 31 George Gently BBC1, 8.30pm Martin Shaw looks authoritative again as Inspector Gently, Northumberland’s saviour of the 1960s and keeper of the peace. Or at least, investigator of the noise. When a returning German prisoner of war is found dead in the harbour of a small fishing village, Gently and Bacchus find a hornets’ nest of aggro.

South Pacific BBC2, 8.30pm The life of an island in a single hour. That’s what you get tonight, with stunning images of an erupting underwater volcano, rivers of lava exploding beneath the waves, and roads and houses buried in molten rock. From the remains of these beginnings emerge coral reefs that bring their own incredible stories too.

Supernatural ITV2, 9pm It’s the penultimate episode in the series and things are getting heated. What with fallen angels, possessing demons and a massive conspiracy to do heaven and hell knows what, the brothers have hardly had time to throw salt. Reinforcements are needed! Maybe a possible half brother could help?

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BBC2

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Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 That’s The Spirit! 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 2.00 Keeping Up Appearances 2.30 Diagnosis Murder 3.15 EastEnders 5.10 The Green Green Grass 5.40 Points Of View 5.55 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Dinosapien 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm Animal Park 12.30 MotoGP 2.00 Canoeing: European Slalom Championships 3.15 Rugby League: Challenge Cup – Quarter Final 5.45 The Hairy Bakers

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.40 FILM: Dunkirk (1958) 2.15pm ITV News And Weather 2.20 Britain’s Got Talent – The Final 4.05 Britain’s Got Talent – The Final Result 4.35 FILM: Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol (1987)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 FIA GT Championship 7.30 GT4 European Cup 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Friends 1.05 4Music Favourites 1.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.40 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Supernanny US

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Animal Families 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 FILM: The Adventures Of Elmo In Grouchland (1999) 12.30pm FILM: Summertime (1955) 2.30 Terminator Salvation – Movie Special 3.00 FILM: D.A.R.Y.L. (1985) 4.50 FILM: RoboCop – The Future Of Law Enforcement (1994) 6.35 Five News 6.40 FILM: Stealth (2005) Starring Jamie Foxx, Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel. Action thriller. The US Navy’s plans to develop an unmanned fighter are thrown into turmoil when the aircraft’s onboard computer assumes independent control and embarks on its own mission. To find a nice washing machine and fall in love? 9.00 FILM: Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines (2003) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nick Stahl, Claire Danes, Kristanna Loken, David Andrews and Mark Famiglietti. Sci-fi sequel in which a benevolent cyborg is sent from a chaotic future to protect a human resistance leader in his twenties from being destroyed by a ruthless killing machine. Many machines can be ruthless and kill. Even a kitchen blender. It’s nothing personal, surely. 11.10 FILM: Solo (1996) Starring Mario Van Peebles, William Sadler, Adrien Brody. Sci-fi adventure about a US military droid which, having been created as the ultimate killing machine, develops a sense of the value of human life. Unlike a blender. 12.55am Terminator Salvation – Movie Special 1.25 IndyCar 2.20 Boxing Classic 2.40 Boxing USA 3.55 Motorsport Mundial 4.20 Cricket On Five 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.15 The Milkshake! Show 5.40 Thomas & Friends 5.50 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Spanish Football 7.30 Scottish Cup Final 9.00 Cricket Writers On TV 10.00 LIVE IRB Sevens 1.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf: European Open 6.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 LIVE Dover 400: NASCAR Winston Cup 11.00 IndyCar Series 1.30am UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.00 Golf Night 4.00 Spanish Football

6.30 Last Of The Summer Wine Hobbo turns up at the river wall with Randolph, who he hopes will bring romance into Stella’s life. Randolph seems to lack any of the requirements of a potential suitor, and is limp and unattractive, especially after Hobbo drops him in the river. Like most people would be. After a little rehearsal and some invaluable tips on how to give Stella ‘the look’, Randolph demonstrates that he has no chance whatsoever of impressing her. Has this Casanova seen the back of his best days? 7.00 BBC News 7.15 South East Today 7.30 Countryfile Rural affairs programme. Julia Bradbury and Matt Baker head to the Norfolk Broads to mark the 20th anniversary of landmark legislation that gave the area official protection. Plus some battery hens are rescued. 8.30 George Gently See highlights. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Irresistible (2006) Starring Susan Sarandon, Sam Neill, Emily Blunt. Thriller about a woman convinced her husband’s colleague has designs upon him. 11.55 Weatherview 12.00am Sign Zone: Tourettes: I Swear I Can’t Help It 1.00 Cruickshank On Kew: The Garden That Changed The World 2.00 Holby City 3.00 BBC News

6.00 Flog It! Experts Catherine Southon and David Barby hunt out the best antiques brought to the valuation day in Chippenham. 6.30 Ray Mears Goes Walkabout Ray Mears travels to the Torres Strait Islands to learn how the islanders’ lifestyle has helped them retain much of their bushcraft and knowledge. He finds out how these skills helped people survive during WWII. 7.30 Dragons Den: The Dragons’ Stories Series revealing the lives of the Dragons’ Den dragons. Peter Jones made his money in the telecoms industry, but has gone on to become one the most high-profile businessmen in the UK. With unprecedented access to Peter’s business and personal life, the programme follows him. 8.30 South Pacific See highlights. 9.30 The Incredible Human Journey Dr Alice Roberts travels the globe to discover the incredible story of how humans left Africa to colonise the world. 10.30 Empire Of Cricket Empire of Cricket. When cricket rules the world with a rod of steel and a velvet glove. Such benevolence. 11.30 The Graham Norton Show Uncut Joining Graham for more fun are film star Kurt Russell and Little Miss Sunshine’s Toni Collette. 12.15am FILM: Full Frontal (2002) 1.55 BBC News

6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.45 Beat The Star Phillip Schofield hosts this special final episode with £150,000 at stake. Vernon Kay competes against a mystery star, playing the most demanding games of the series. Gangly lovely man. 8.00 Heartbeat An ex-army teacher takes his strict discipline too far and Joe races to find a missing gun and a schoolboy bent on revenge. Whoa! This sounds more like straight out of Compton than heartwarming nostalgic telly. 9.00 Benidorm Having had her wedding ruined by The Oracle’s paragliding accident, Madge – accompanied by Janice – cadges a lift with a mysterious Spanish criminal, Enrique ‘The Rat’ Lopez. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 The Unforgettable Kenny Everett A look at the life of comic and DJ Kenny Everett, who died aged 50 in 1995. His talent, originality and sense of the outrageous made him both the enfant terrible of broadcasting and one of its brightest stars. Fabulous and brilliant. 10.45 Crossing Jordan Crime drama about a Boston medical examiner. 11.45 It’s My Life 12.45am The Cosby Mysteries 1.35 Quincy, ME 2.30 60 Minute Makeover 3.20 My Extreme Makeover Misery: Tonight 3.45 Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Big Art Bold arts series in which original works – commissioned by the general public – are brought to life around the UK. As the residents of St Helens and Burnley see their efforts come to fruition, the other towns are floundering. Like fish. 8.00 Night At The Museum Intro Ben Stiller introduces Night at the Museum. 8.05 FILM: Night At The Museum (2006) Starring Ben Stiller, Ricky Gervais, Steve Coogan, Carla Gugino, Robin Williams, Dick Van Dyke. Comedy about a security guard who takes the role of nightwatchman at a New York museum, unaware that an ancient curse causes the exhibits come to life after dark. 10.10 Big Brother: A Decade In The Headlines Ten years after the launch of Big Brother, journalist Grace Dent looks at the impact of the reality show that has become a worldwide brand. On E4 last night too. 11.15 FILM: Coach Carter (2005) Starring Samuel L Jackson, Rob Brown and Rick Gonzalez. A successful businessman returns to his former high school in a deprived area to coach the failing basketball team. 1.55am The Closer 2.40 Angry George Irons 2.50 Full Metal Challenge 3.50 Grudge Match 4.00 Big Art 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Making It 5.50 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Super League 8.00 Speedway 11.00 Scottish Cup Final 12.30pm Spanish Football 2.00 Wild Spirits 2.30 LIVE Twenty20 Cup Cricket 6.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.30 Wild Spirits 11.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Super 14 Rugby 7.30 Rugby Union 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 LIVE IRB Sevens 3.00 LIVE IRB Sevens 7.30 Golf Night 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Vintage Collection 12.00am Bowls 1.00 Bowls 2.00 Britcar Motor Racing 3.00 Close

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10.00am Road Wars 11.00 WWE Experience 12.00pm Malcolm In The Middle 12.30 Oops TV 1.00 The Real A & E 2.00 Skellig 4.05 Futurama (x4) 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 House (x2) 11.00 Lie To Me 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? 7.30 FILM: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) 9.00 Katie Price: The Jordan Years 10.00 Family Guy 10.25 American Dad! 10.45 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 11.45 Ideal 12.15am Katie Price: The Jordan Years 1.15 Kirsten’s Topless Ambition 2.15 Claire Richards: My Big Fat Wedding

7.00pm North And South 8.00 Winds 9.00 The Jet Stream And Us 10.00 California Dreamin’: The Mamas And The Papas 10.55 Rock Family Trees 11.45 The Old Grey Whistle Test 12.30am California Dreamin’: The Mamas And The Papas 1.25 Winds 2.25 Rock Family Trees 3.15 The Old Grey Whistle Test

2.10pm FILM: Bill And Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) 3.50 Gossip Girl 4.45 Britain’s Got More Talent 5.45 All Star Mr & Mrs 6.45 Britain’s Got Talent – The Final 8.35 Britain’s Got Talent 9.00 Supernatural. See highlights. 10.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) 12.10am Britain’s Got Talent – The Final

12.35pm FILM: Clockwise (1986) 2.30 FILM: Holiday On The Buses (1974) 4.15 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 5.20 Doctor Zhivago 6.55 Poirot 8.00 Beyond A Joke 9.00 FILM: On The Buses (1971) 10.50 Rising Damp 11.20 Rising Damp 11.50 PD James: Taste For Death (x2) 1.55am Surgical Spirit (x2)

11.25am Beauty And The Geek 12.20pm Kevin Hill 1.10 Joan Of Arcadia (x3) 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 7.00 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Dirty Sexy Money 12.00am Ghost Whisperer 12.50 Dark Angel 1.45 The Simple Life (x2)

10.05am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.30pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.20 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Jamie At Home 8.30 Jamie At Home 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Trophy Kids 11.10 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.15am Curb Your Enthusiasm

10.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Passport Patrol (x8) 6.00 Find My Family (x2) 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Eurotrash: The Sexy Bits (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm World War II: The Complete History (x5) 4.00 Mythbusters (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Hitler’s Henchmen 9.00 Unsolved History 10.00 Turin Shroud: The New Evidence 11.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 12.00am Crime Scene Australia 1.00 A Haunting 2.00 Couples Who Kill

11.00am Haunted Homes 12.00pm FILM: Haunted (1995) 2.00 FILM: Storm Seekers (2008) 4.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Star Of Heaven (2008) 6.00 A Town Called Eureka 7.00 Knight Rider 8.00 Dollhouse 9.00 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 10.50 FILM: Kaw (2007) 12.40am FILM: Deadly Water (2006)

10.45am Notorious (1946) 12.30pm To Catch A Thief (1955) 2.20 North By Northwest (1959) 4.40 The Top 10 Show 5.00 Spellbound (1945) 7.00 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 8.50 Psycho (1960) 10.45 Notorious (1946) 12.30am Frenzy (1972) 2.35 Torn Curtain (1966)

11.05am The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 1.45pm Goodbye Bafana (2007) 3.45 The Apostle (1997) 6.00 The Singer (2006) 7.55 Rescue Dawn (2006) 10.00 Crash (1996) 11.45 Quadrophenia (1979) 1.50am 35mm 2.20 Breaking The Waves (1996)

11.00am Small Time Crooks (1999) 1.00pm Doctor Dolittle (1998) 2.45 Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) 5.00 Genevieve (1953) 6.45 Ben Stiller Introduces... 6.50 Made In America (1993) 9.00 Snakes On A Plane (2006) 11.05 Teaching Mrs Tingle (1999) 12.55am Beneath The Planet Of The Apes (1970)

12.55pm Trouble Along The Way (1953) 3.00 The Dark Crystal (1982) 4.45 Executive Action (1973) 6.40 Cats And Dogs (2001) 8.30 TCM Presents Under The Influence: Laurence Fishburne 9.00 Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) 11.15 Spawn (1997) 1.15am Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974)

6.00am Solo 6.40 The Two Ronnies 7.40 Bread 8.20 Solo 9.00 The Dick Emery Show 9.20 Only Fools And Horses (x13) 9.00pm Jonathan Creek 10.10 Victoria Wood Live 12.10am Harry Enfield And Chums 12.50 The Two Ronnies 1.50 Bread 2.25 Harry Enfield And Chums 2.55 Starstruck Classics

9.00am Scrubs (x20) 7.25pm Rules Of Engagement 7.55 Scrubs 8.25 The Office: An American Workplace 9.00 FILM: The Wedding Singer (1998) 10.50 Grumpy Old Holidays 11.30 Scrubs (x2) 12.30am Celebrity Death Match (x2) 1.30 The Sarah Silverman Programme (x2)

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monday 1 Pay Drop Britain: Tonight ITV1, 8pm If you’re getting the feeling that having a job is more of a privilege than a right then that’s exactly what a lot of them in charge want. As finances get tighter reports of companies cutting staff wages or hours to hold off redundancies are coming in. Luckily Fiona Foster is here to explain a few workers’ rights.

Have I Got News For You BBC2, 10pm In case you had too much laundry to do last week and just didn’t have time to watch the news – voila! All the news you’ll need to know presented in one easy to understand package. With team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop joined by guest host David Mitchell, you can bet they’ll be sharpening their wits.

Doctor Who Christmas Special BBC3, 7pm It’s the one with Kylie! The Doctor turns up on the Titanic only to find aliens, conspiracy and a petite waitress with gusto. Robot angels are after our intrepid heroes, with a passing nod to The Poseidon Adventure, the new posse is going to work together to leave us with a warm glow. Ah.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.40 Martha Speaks 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Beat The Boss 4.30 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00-11am Children’s television 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Telling Tales 11.25 Telling Tales 11.40 Let’s Write Non-Fiction 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Rowing: World Cup - Banyoles Highlights 2.00 Britain’s Dream Homes 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Conservative Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Members of the public are invited to try to make money out of their antiques by taking a risk at auction. Thanks Granny! 7.00 South Pacific Documentary series looking at the South Pacific islands. Witness the birth, growth and death of an island in the greatest ocean on Earth. 8.00 Springwatch The Springwatch team catch up on all the weekend’s action. Gordon Buchanan is in Essex with an update on his badgers. 9.00 Who’s Watching You? Who’s Watching You? Paranoia attacks! 10.00 Have I Got News For You See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 D-Day To Berlin Dramadocumentary narrated by Sean Bean about the decisive struggle 60 years ago to break out of the D-Day beachhead and advance across Normandy to begin the defeat of Hitler’s Third Reich. The programme draws on the memories of those from both sides involved in the close fighting that summer and carefully researched drama scenes chart the growing tensions between Allies Eisenhower and Montgomery. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 History

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.10 Rappin’ At The Royal 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Flatpack Stories 12.35 Life Begins Again 1.40 FILM: Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Spanish Football 11.00 LIVE Twenty20 Cup Cricket 1.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 School Of Hard Knocks 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am School Of Hard Knocks 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Time Of Our Lives 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Conservative Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Victoria continues to cause trouble for Andy. 7.30 Coronation Street Fiz is distressed by a message from John. File in a cake time? 8.00 Pay Drop Britain: Tonight See highlights. 8.30 Coronation Street Peter is tempted by the lure of the bottle. It calls to him like the sirens to Odysseus, with equally sharp rocks on offer if he succumbs. 9.00 Supersize Teens: Can’t Stop Eating As more doctors call for more gastric surgery on obese children in the UK, this programme takes a look at what happen in the US where more than 200,000 children a year undergo weight loss surgery. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dating The Enemy Dating show. Freegan Alf and material girl Lianne have little in common apart from both being single. Will desperation bring about true love? 11.05 FILM: Be Cool (2005) Starring John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn. Sequel to ‘Get Shorty’. 1.10am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.40 British Touring Car Championship Highlights 2.55 Loose Women 3.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 4.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Justin is distraught thinking Hannah has been killed in the fire. Sasha is in denial over Warren, but her grief soon turns to anger and she vows to find Justin and make him pay. In food vouchers? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: Orphans Of Burma’s Cyclone As Burma’s pro-democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi prepares to go on trial, this topical documentary examines life in one of the world’s most brutal regimes in the aftermath of the devastating Cyclone Nargis. 9.00 The Secrets Of Stonehenge: A Time Team Special Featurelength special in which Tony Robinson reports on a historic venture to present the definitive account of a legendary monument. Over the last six years, a huge team of archaeologists have been digging at Stonehenge and the surrounding prehistoric landscape to uncover the site’s ancient secrets. 10.35 FILM: Ghost (1990) Starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, Whoopi Goldberg. Romantic fantasy thriller 12.55am NY-LON 1.55 Honeymoon 2.25 FILM: The Shape Of Things (2003) 4.00 Forum 4.20 Number Crew (x10)

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 The Milky And Shake Show 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Straight From The Heart (2003) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Liam wants to start a relationship with Belle. Gardy makes a move on Nicole. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series with Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. Michaela helps to return an orphaned black bear to the wild in California. So it can live harmoniously with Californians? Right. 6.55 PEB: The Conservative Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Massive Speed Documentary series in which Chris Barrie examines the evolution of machines designed for speed. Motorcycles. 8.00 The Gadget Show Summer Special Special edition of the Gadget Show. Jason and Ortis head to Jersey in search of the best compact digital cameras and the coolest caravans available on the market. 9.00 FILM: The Contract (2006) Starring John Cusack, Morgan Freeman. Thriller. Ray is off camping with his son when he bumps into a fugitive assassin and promptly arrests him, only to find getting him to the authorities isn’t as easy as he hoped. 10.55 FILM: Femme Fatale (2002) Starring Antonio Banderas, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. Con-lady thriller. 1.05am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.10 USPGA Golf 3.00 Race And Rally UK 3.45 NHL 2008 4.20 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Everest ER Documentary series. 8.00 EastEnders Dotty and Nick’s wicked plan comes to fruition despite Bradley’s interference. And with Ian away, Christian takes control of the Beale empire. In a tres wooden manner. Look your fellow conversationalist in the eye, man! 8.30 Panorama Current affairs. Who authorised the torture of terror suspects in US custody? Panorama investigates whether the interrogation techniques used by the Bush administration after 9/11 broke US and international law. 9.00 Ashes To Ashes Police drama set in the 1980s. What looks like a simple drugs-drop at a building site turns into a murder case when CID find a body buried in concrete. Gov! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Medic One Nuff said. 11.25 Inside Sport Padraig Harrington takes centre stage in the final show of the current series. 12.00am FILM: The Anderson Tapes (1971) 1.35 Weatherview 1.40 Sign Zone: Uncovering Our Earliest Ancestor: The Link 2.40 South Pacific 3.40 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 4.10 The Unsellables 4.40 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WW The Bottom Line 8.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 10.00 Britcar Motor Racing 11.00 NASCAR 1.30pm IndyCar Series 4.00 Golf Night 6.00 Spirit Of Golf 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 Powerboating 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 Spirit Of Golf 10.00 Poker 12.00am Elite League Speedway 2.00 Poker 4.00 FEI Equestrian World 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Golf Night 9.30 NASCAR 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Ocean Adventures 12.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Spanish Football 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 London Golf Show 8.00 National Volleyball Finals 9.00 National Volleyball Finals 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

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10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm Project Runway 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 It’s Me Or The Dog USA 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Road Wars 10.00 Night Cops 11.00 Road Wars (x3) 1.50am Cold Case (x2) 3.30 The Villa 4.20 Stargate SG-1

7.00pm Doctor Who Christmas Special. See highlights. 8.15 Robin Hood 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Bizarre Animal ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Gavin And Stacey 12.20am Horne And Corden 12.50 Ideal 1.20 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.50 Make My Body Younger

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Terry Jones’s Barbarians 8.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 9.00 How The Celts Saved Britain 10.00 The Genius And The Boys: Storyville 11.20 Michael Wood On Beowulf 12.20am A Poet’s Guide To Britain 12.50 How The Celts Saved Britain 1.50 Terry Jones’s Barbarians

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Best & Worst 1 10.00 FILM: Cliffhanger (1993) 12.10am Coronation Street (x2)

12.20pm Carry On Laughing 12.50 Heartbeat 1.50 Upstairs Downstairs 2.55 The Grand (x2) 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Beiderbecke Connection (x2) 9.00 Beyond A Joke 10.00 Clocking Off 11.15 The Lakes 12.15am The Grand (x2) 2.10 Clocking Off 3.05 Upstairs Downstairs

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.40 One Tree Hill 3.35 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Jade: As Seen On TV 11.00 Big Brother: A Decade In The Headlines 12.05am Scrubs (x2) 1.05 My Name Is Earl

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.05 Grand Designs 12.10am ER

2.00pm 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 The Hoff: When Scott Came To Stay 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 The Hoff: When Scott Came To Stay 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

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3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Whale Wars 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Most Evil 12.00am Crime Scene Forensics 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Star Of Heaven (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 FILM: Flu Birds (2008) 10.50 FILM: Bloodsuckers (2005) 12.50am FILM: Larva (2004)

12.00pm Steptoe And Son (1972) 1.45 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 3.30 Holiday Inn (1942) 5.15 Detective Story (1951) 7.05 The Front Page (1974) 9.00 Steptoe And Son (1972) 10.45 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 12.30am Abbott And Costello Meet Boris Karloff (1949)

10.40am Be Kind Rewind (2008) 12.30pm The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 2.30 This Is My Father (1998) 4.30 Ten Canoes (2006) 6.10 Sicko (2007) 8.15 Be Kind Rewind (2008) 10.00 The Curse Of The Golden Flower (2006) 12.00am Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

11.00am The Gentle Sex (1943) 12.50pm Flame Of The Barbary Coast (1945) 2.40 The Bells Of St Mary’s (1945) 5.10 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 6.55 Barefoot In The Park (1967) Fonda and Redford in love. 9.00 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 11.00 A History Of Violence (2005) 12.50am Me You Them (2000)

10.00am Ride Him Cowboy (1932) 11.05 I Died A Thousand Times (1955) 1.00pm Easter Parade (1948) 3.00 The Abdication (1974) 4.55 Bronco Billy (1980) 7.10 Crazy From The Heart (1991) 9.00 Spawn (1997) 11.00 Without Limits (1998) 1.25am Spawn (1997) 3.05 Bombers B-52 (1957) 5.00 Screening Room

5.40pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Early Doors 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 Early Doors 1.35 Dinnerladies

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2w) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie