Latest Seven: Issue 427 2 - 8 June by Latest Homes

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5/28/09

2:19 PM

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

2 – 8 June 2009

FREE WEEKLY

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

eclectic collections

latest awards brighton festival and fringe winning shows high art artists open houses prizes and parties

big ideas at burt brill and cardens’ university of brighton graduate show 2009 page 20

dining out the best of hotel food sam raimi from evil dead to a living hell

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Terms & conditions: Offer expires 31st August, this promotion can not be used in conjuction with any other offer.

Tel: 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk 196 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2DJ

000_LS426_Dymanic Yoga

5/27/09

4:29 PM

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NOW WITH VIRTUAL STUDIO TOUR

www.dynamicyoga.tv The studio incorporates a fantastic new ‘state of the art’ fresh oxygenated heating ventilation system.

Class duration: 90 minutes

Stuart offers a completely unique style of yoga. “My yoga is not just mechanical yoga, it is based on aligning your mind and spine with this magnificent universe.”

7 Video testimonals on the website.

003_LS426_contents

5/29/09

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–11 5 Seann make the most of a day off 5 Will gets up close with Katie Price 6 Latest Awards winners 8 Social Diary at Artists Open Houses 9 Dani is accused of being posh 10 Bare Cheek: if you’re not in, you’re out 10 Astral Angi brings out the artist in you 11 Celebcity is all excited about Mr Jones

★ latest news 12–14 12 News summary and Mary Mears promises to help find you a job

13 Phil Mills discovers hospital staff are victims of theft and violence

14 Letters: a Fringe show says thanks 14 Sport: the next Lewis Hamilton 14 Crossword: difficult. Four letters.

★ latest lifestyle 15–21 15 Food: hotel dining special 19 Health: kick back at Champneys 20 On the cover: Burt, Brill and Cardens

Welcome H

★ latest listings 22–41 22 Reviews Lap up the rest of the fests

23 Stage Clive James on the Ozzie influx

24 Film Sam Raimi at the gates of hell

26 Comedy Is Victoria a livewire?

26 Art Ditchling artists past and present

27 Kids & Events Watersports and a dirty weekend

27 Books What we learn from David Crystal

28 Music The Mummers, Dizzee Rascal and Hanover Day calls for young musicians Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

31 Clubs What’s pink and black and has a tail?

32 Gay Rhona Cameron opens up

34 TV Dani prepares herself for an embarrassing illness

University of Brighton Graduate Show

23 28

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani

ere at Latest our reviewers agreed that this year’s festival period was one of the best Brighton has ever seen, with exciting innovations for Brighton Festival, Brighton Festival Fringe and Artists Open Houses. We hosted the Latest Awards to celebrate all those behind the Festival and Fringe. Turn to page 6 for a full list of winners and pictures from the night. We also sponsored an award for our favourite home in the Artists Open Houses festival. See photographer Tim Richardson’s diary page to find out who won and what happened at the closing parties (p8). The city’s next generation of creative and arts professionals are about to graduate from the University of Brighton; be among the first to see their work at the university’s Burt, Brill and Cardens‘ Graduate Show 2009 (p20). This week in our food section we have a guide to the best hotel food (p15), and restaurant critic Andrew Kay puts his money where his mouth is, visiting Hotel Seattle at Brighton Marina. In the stage section, Andrew talks to syrupy-voiced Aussie Clive James (p23), and in Latest Gay I chat with comedian and author Rhona Cameron (p32). Also in the gay section, it’s nearly time for Pride Companion Dog Show; have you got your costume ready? In film, Spider-Man and Evil Dead genius Sam Raimi returns to horror after 16 years with comic-horror Drag Me to Hell (p25). Our books writer and in-house poet John O’Donoghue turns his pen to a pillar of linguistics, David Crystal, the author and academic who recently added his voice to the protests about the potential loss of Sussex University’s linguistics department (p27). On the kids and events page, our new staff writer Ralph Miller has news of watersports for children at Hove Lagoon, taster comedy courses for adults by respected tutor Jill Edwards and a ‘dirty weekend’ at a girls’ school (p27). If the festivals are still on your mind, see the reviews section for our very last reports from this year. If you’re looking for our review of a particular show, or you want to add your own comments, we have nearly 100 reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk, where you can also see the names of all the runners-up in the Latest Awards.

Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

004_LS426_LMB.qxd

5/29/09

10:47 AM

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005_LS426_will/seann

5/28/09

12:32 PM

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann hat to do with a day off? That was the question my friend and I had to ask ourselves yesterday, when the shackles of obligation relieved us for a day. Of course, the day off begins the night before: alcohol receives an invite to most events, and is never more welcome than the evening before a break. You can afford to feel dreadful the next day. The evening before the day off is normally taken, not just as an opportunity, but a reason to get wrecked. The logic is flawed. Why tarnish a day of freedom with the self-induced illness of a hangover? This is a wellfounded rhetorical question, implying a sensible argument. But it‘s probably best to ignore such sentiments where fun is concerned. After all, if we're going to drink anyway (which, let's face it, we are), it‘s best to do so in a mist of cheery self-denial. We can‘t afford to be too honest here. Ordering drinks would get too personal: “Hi there, can I get a pint of distraction from this eternal agony?” Even the hopeful buzz of drunkenly trying to pull would take on a seedy form, with chat-up lines like: “I noticed you looking at me from across the room. What say we go back to mine for a

Seann Walsh wonders what to do with a day off

Will ’ll never forget the first words Katie Price said to me. After all, there’s something about the phrase “Awwright, how big’s yer **** then?“ that sticks with you. That night, as I found myself pulled into the orbit of Planet Jordan via a seafront gay bar, I realised I was watching a pro at work. Up to the bar Katie would trot, and – with that perpetually bored expression – order a quadruple vodka and coke. Back at our table, she’d take one sip of the lethal concoction, shudder, set it down, and instantly forget about it. Then it was back to the bar, where the whole process would begin again. And again. Jordan-haters might put this down as bad behaviour from a notoriously booze-sodden double-D-lister. But I saw a media-savvy young woman, maintaining her image by knowing exactly what her captive audience of gay men expected of her. Actually, having tasked myself with draining her discarded drinks all night, it’s more accurate to say I saw three of them. The relentless rise of Katie Price fascinates me. From Page 3 girl to ‘Heat’ cover star (and occasionally cannon fodder), rarely have the wheels of publicity churned out a more successful brand. By

“Hi there, can I get a pint of distraction from this eternal agony?”

hollow, transitory sense of self-validation?” We got drunk, I assume, donning my amateur psychoanalyst‘s cap (do they wear caps?), to earn an excuse to do nothing of value tomorrow. Of course, I mean nothing of spiritual value. Hangovers promote activities of considerable financial value: fry-up, coffee, sweet food, healthy food, smoothie, fruit juice – anything to make it go away. Which brings us back to the earlier question: just what do you do with a day off? Well, whatever the inevitable hangover says. We all have our rituals. Mine starts with coffee, which I need anyway: coffee gets me out of bed in the afternoon. Then, all the other things in the previous list, followed by a trip to the cinema to watch the unimpeachably brilliant new Star Trek film. This all amounts to an expensive, perfect day off, which raises a point about hangovers and time off. The overcoming of a hangover becomes the ambition of the day off, the success of which can be determined by the achievement of that ambition. Like the characters in Star Trek, we accomplished a difficult mission, but can sleep soundly, with the satisfaction of a job well done.

Will the real Jordan please stand up, asks Will Harris “There’s something about the phrase ‘Awwright, how big’s yer **** then?’ that sticks with you”

the age of 30, the Brighton-born beauty had chalked up six reality TV series, three autobiographies, two fragrances and a collection of lingerie. Her achievements read like The Twelve Days of Christmas, by way of Lidl. Even more interestingly, her celebrity empire has been established not through talent or connections, but around the pervasive, slightly brash force of her personality. More than any other celebrity, Katie Price knows exactly what her audience want from her, and doesn’t hesitate to give it to them. Usually with both barrels. The Jordan-haters noticed this too. Certainly, it wasn’t long after her recent split with Peter André before some cried “publicity stunt”, pointing out his new album and her upcoming fourth biography. But isn’t this just arrogance on their part? Yes, she’s fame-hungry and, yes, she knows how to work the media, but should we presume Katie Price is so desperate for our adulation she’d end her marriage and separate her children from their father? Would you stake your life on it? How about your ‘Jordan’ curling-tongs? I guess that’s the thing about fame; the true Price is sometimes hidden.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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06 LATEST AWARDS

Well deserved Brighton Festival and Fringe shows honoured in the Latest Awards stripping granny, a secret speakeasy and a world class dance company were among the winners of this year’s prestigious Latest Awards. The show celebrating Brighton Festival and Fringe was held on Monday 25 May in the Parlure Spiegeltent, Old Steine. The packed and lively ceremony was hosted by Latest 7 in partnership with the Parlure and Forward PR. Hundreds of nominations were received from the public and local media. At a judging meeting on the afternoon of 25 May, these were whittled down to a shortlist of runners-up and final winner in each of the 15 categories. The judges represented Radio Reverb, Juice FM, BBC Sussex, Latest 7, GScene, 3Sixty and One80 News. Contributions were received in advance from The Argus, You Got Papped and ThreeWeeks. The ‘Star of the Festival’ was Lynn Ruth Miller, the 75-year-old stripper, stand-up comic and singer who performed her onewoman show Ageing is Amazing at The Quadrant. By the end of its run, the show was so popular the venue was turning away hundreds of people a night. Fiona Fletcher, whose company Fletch Productions launched new venue Fletch@St Andrew’s this year, won the prize for ‘Outstanding Contribution to the Festival.’ Also commended was Andrew Comben, who took over as chief executive of Brighton Festival and Dome just over a year ago and brought in Anish Kapoor as guest artistic director for the 2009 Festival. Best International Act went to Hofesh Shechter, the company in residence at Brighton Dome, which was commissioned by the Festival to create exclusive dance events The Art of Not Looking Back and Bangers and Mash. ‘Most Groundbreaking Act’ went to The Blind Tiger Club, the late night speakeasy at a secret venue. The ceremony was attended by performers, venue managers,

producers and guests including new Mayor of Brighton and Hove, Ann Norman and her husband Ken. It was compered by award-winning comics Brian Mitchell and David Mounfield, and glamorous drag star Trudi Styles. A handcrafted ceramic trophy by Wendy Jung was given to each winner, together with a goody bag sponsored by Aveda, Lust, Stick It On, Montezuma’s, Café Delice and Cissy Mo. Fiona Fletcher said: “I am very thrilled to win, particularly as it was the first year for the venue. It is great to get support and be recognised. “It would have been impossible to do it without Emily Hahn the project manager and I’d like to say thank you to all the crew, the Friends of St Andrew’s and Gerry McCrudden, Latest magazine and Brighton media, especially the Brighton Visitor and The Argus.” Lynn Ruth Miller said: “I want to thank everyone at the Fringe for their support and tell them how touched I am that they got the message I am sending out to the world: never say no to life. “Chase every dream and never let anything stop you, neither age, nor money, nor others’ opinions and preconceptions. If I sent one person on a journey to their own star, I consider my life well lived. “The audiences in Brighton made my show the success it became because they heard what I was telling them and in truth it is they who should receive the award.” Rachel Pegg, Latest 7 editor, said: “It is always a huge pleasure to report on and support Brighton Festival and Fringe and this year we were stunned by the breadth and quality of events in both festivals. “Deciding on the winners was extremely difficult and we are very grateful to our judges and the hundreds of readers who made nominations. “Everyone who has a hand in bringing these brilliant festivals to Brighton and Hove should be congratulated.”

The Latest team and friends

Cherry Shakewell

Anna The Pocket Rocket

Compere Brian Mitchell

Consort Ken Norman Mayor Ann Norman Rachel Pegg (Latest Magazine) Carolyn Fisher Simon Burgess

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5/29/09

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LATEST AWARDS 03

Winners BEST MALE PERFORMER Danny Alder (A Fistful of Snow) BEST FEMALE PERFORMER Nicola Haydn (Janis) BEST MUSIC EVENT Lady Carol of the Moon

David Bramwell (The Haunted Moustache)

Fiona Fletcher

BEST CLASSICAL MUSIC ACT Brodowski Quartet BEST CABARET Copperdollar BEST THEATRE PERFORMANCE The First Domino BEST COMEDY SHOW The Haunted Moustache BEST INTERNATIONAL ACT Hofesh Schecter

Danny Alder

Cath Mattos, Fringe volunteer picks up an award on behalf of Lynn Ruth Miller

BEST CHILDREN’S EVENT The Man Who Planted Trees BEST LITERATURE/WORKSHOP EVENT Jah Wobble and Jon Savage BEST OUTDOOR EVENT The Erpingham Camp BEST VENUE Upstairs@Three and Ten MOST GROUNDBREAKING ACT The Blind Tiger Club

The team from Upstairs@Three and Ten

STAR OF THE FESTIVAL Lynn Ruth Miller in Ageing is Amazing OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION TO THE FESTIVAL Fiona Fletcher of Fletch Productions

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5/29/09

3:58 PM

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08 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was one of the biggest films of 2008. Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett starred in the film adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s short story about the life of a man who ages in reverse. To mark the DVD release of this Hollywood blockbuster, we’re giving away two copies of the film on BluRay. The DVD release also includes an extra disc, featuring three hours of behind the scenes material. For a chance to win a copy of this multiacademy award-winning film, just tell us: Who wrote The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? See below for entry details.

reports on the festival awards and watches home cinema

The winner is Awards, Awards, Awards! Art lovers gathered for the Artists Open Houses award ceremony at Regency Town House. This year there were three awards including Best Open House sponsored by Latest magazine and given to Pandora’s Basement. Ned Hoskins was runner-up. The Brighton Festival Award for an artist within the Selectors’ Choice exhibition ‘HOUSE’, in Regency Town House, went to John Dilnot, with Matt Smith in second place. The Visitors’ Choice Award, sponsored by VisitBrighton, went to Fran Richardson. More than 1,000 votes were cast. Angi Mariani, Latest Magazine’s business director, said: “Latest 7 are very happy and proud to be associated with Artists Open Houses. We regard it as a really well organised festival which is hugely enjoyable and intriguing.”

Andrew Comben (Brighton Festival chief executive) Fran Richardson (winner Public Vote, Visitors‘ Choice Award)

▲

Good Neighbours With the release of Neighbours: The Iconic Episodes Volume 2, Erinsborough junkies can now watch nine hours of the UK’s favourite Australian soap at their own leisure. The brand new DVD, which marks the Aussie soap’s 22nd year, contains three discs of famous episodes from throughout the programme’s history. One of the discs, ‘Charlene’ comprises eight key episodes for one of the show’s most popular characters of all time, who was played by Kylie Minogue. In total, the DVD includes 24 iconic episodes from the Ramsay Street archives. A must for any Neighbours fan. To be in with a chance to win a copy of this unique DVD, tell us: what was the name of Kylie Minogue’s character in Neighbours? See below for entry details.

To win, email:

Angi Mariani (Latest Magazine), Pandora‘s Basement (winner AOH) and Andrew Kay (Latest Magazine)

Woodrow Kernohan (curator, Regency Town House), Judy Stevens (AOH) and Chris Lord (AOH)

Paul Loman (Homegrown Films) and Barbara Myers

Cllr Amy Kennedy and Cllr Bill Randall

Jane Hattrick, Alice Hattrick (Fusebox), Sarah Cotterell and Tim Brown (Cinecity)

Stephen Mendel and Elaine Wolf (AOH Director)

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date for entries: Monday 15 June

Home from home Each week through May, Home Cinema at 6 Clifton Street was showing a different programme of films based around home-movies from across the world. On the week that I visited, I for India was showing a 40 year exchange of ‘cine-letters’ between Yash Pal Suri, who left India for the UK in 1966, and the family he left behind. The film was shown in a mini-cinema in the sitting-room, on real old red velvet cinema seats. Home Cinema was part of the ‘HOUSE’ festival, programmed by Tim Brown and sponsored by Cinecity.

009_LS426_Dani

5/27/09

5:39 PM

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DEFINITELY DANI 09

Dani

Dani discovers she is posh. According to some...

was walking down the street the other day carrying a Sainsbury’s shopping bag, when a couple pulled up in a car behind me and got out. They then started walking in the same direction as me. Their conversation was loud so I couldn’t help but earwig. The topic was whether or not I was posh. They had never met me before, they had never spoken to me – they just based their

“I was entirely unaware that your choice of supermarket could determine your social status” entire decision on the fact that I was carrying a carrier bag from Sainsbury’s (I had forgotten my reusable bags). Until that point I was entirely unaware that your choice of supermarket could determine your social status, but their observation had a few flaws they clearly didn’t consider. I could have taken that carrier bag from anywhere and been reusing it, I could have gone to that particular supermarket purely because it was closest to my house, or I could have been doing shopping for someone else. Had I been walking with a Waitrose carrier bag, perhaps they would have laid out the red carpet – or what if it was a Harrods bag? When I was a kid, it was secretly important among the kids at school whether or not

Rival survival While on the subjects of supermarkets, is anyone else bored of the advertised rivalry between Asda, Sainsbury’s and Tesco? In nearly every advert break there will be an advert from one of these telling us how much better their shop is for bargains than the others. What they fail to realise is that because of the high amount of these adverts, and the fact that each one tells us something completely different, when it gets to the end of the week we are so boggled by seven days’ worth of ‘I’m cheaper than you!’, that we will all just stick with the shop we usually attend.

you had own brand or big name brands in your lunchbox, and I am sure it still is. I have always been confused by the class system, and I am quite thankful that it really isn’t as important now as it was 100 years ago. But it appears that people with less still begrudge those they suspect have more, even now when the lines between the classes are so blurred and much easier to cross. The couple who were deciding my fate failed to realise that in pointing me out as posher than themselves, they were putting themselves down into a lower class than the one they thought I was in. According to their new advert, Sainsbury’s have been catering for all the classes since they first opened. I was under the impression that shops could no longer determine how well you

are doing financially now that we have the likes of Coleen Rooney chatting about how she loves Asda and other celebs being seen in tops from Primark. The done thing now is to find a bargain. I was shocked by the conversation my carrier bag had caused, because in all honesty I never thought once about what Sainsbury’s meant. The following day I popped into a Tesco supermarket. Does this mean that over night, my posh badge was removed and replaced with a common one? The truth is I’m neither posh or common – I needed to buy some cat food and Sainsbury’s was the first supermarket I could get to on foot.

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

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01273 711077

5/29/09

1:17 PM

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10 ONLY JOKING!

In & Out

Bare cheek

010_LS426_cheeky/stars

In • RuPaul

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

• Letting the bath overflow • Still feeling smug at having plumped for VHS instead of Betamax even though both are now obsolete

more facts you didn’t know about fantabulous Hove

• Hypercolour T-shirt • Coffee-mate

Out

1 ‘Hove Syndrome’ is a medical condition that causes the sufferer to hide underneath the sofa, emerging every 15.9 years to sexually assault whoever happens to be present before returning to beneath the sofa again.

• The Three Tenors • The Byzantine Calendar

2 ‘Hove’ is actually an acronym, and stands for Horrible. Ordinary. Very Exciting.

4 Hove chip shops offer, in additional to traditional red and brown sauces, Hove's famous blue sauce, which is poisonous to all mammals. 5 In Hove, heroin, crack cocaine, angel dust, and LSD are all perfectly legal, but strictly banned substances include gravy browning, pile ointment, and creosote.

Astral Angi

Spotted...

• Gumboils • Letraset

...with a Trappist Monk .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................!

3 In 1942 Hove Football Club accidentally signed German Propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels, who was consequently forced to play left back until 1944.

• The unwritten rule on ‘Blankety Blank’ that stated that the outrageous funnyman (Everett, Milligan, Starr) had to sit in the middle of the bottom row

.......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................! .......................................................!

BARDSLEY’S

This week, Astral finds your artistic side

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries needs to find a way to express some form of creativity. Sadly Aries can be about as creative as a root vegetable. Why not try finger painting? The perfect form of expression.

Cancerians are ideally suited for the more physical aspects of fine art. Like hacking into huge lumps of stone or timber. Do however remember that a chainsaw is not a thing of beauty.

Libran‘s ability to take on big tasks make them ideally suited to major projects. I think a series of massive bas-relief portraits of local politicians in the cliffs at the marina will do.

Capricorns seem to think that art comes out of an aerosol, but Astral thinks that they are talking out of their aerosols. Give me a nice tasty Constable any day.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans must express themselves or explode. Try channelling your energies into something passive like conceptual art. That should keep you quiet for a while at least.

Leo will want to paint and will want to be best at painting. Which is all well and good if Leo can first draw. Throw away those paints and start at the very beginning.

Scorpio’s slightly silly nature ideally suits them to work in the field of the erotic arts. No, not pornography but something far more refined and tasteful, with a wisp of chiffon.

Aquarians think that they have art all sewn up and in a way why not let them think that. After all, who needs it anyway? Astral says get a job and paint the walls magnolia.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis do not understand art but they know what they like when they see it. Show me a Gemini home and I will show you a picture of the pier or a Greek village. Stick to what you know.

Virgos are probably better suited to being artist’s models rather than artists themselves. So it’s kit off time for Virgo and let’s see what you inspire in the world then.

Sagis must endeavour to do something more avant-garde with their needlework. How about a Jackson Pollock in petite pointe or a Claes Oldenburg in crochet?

Pisceans would happliy pickle a shark. Well I ask you, surely that is just a waste of good food. No, take that shark, fillet and batter the thing and serve it up at Bardsley’s.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

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5/28/09

2:34 PM

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AROUND TOWN 11

LATEST NEWS 13

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills on abusive behaviour in hospitals and why a local student is getting the feel for the Pavilion

Respect? olice were called to a Brighton hospital five times during a weekend to subdue patients causing problems for staff and other patients. Some had mental health issues or were suffering from drug or alcohol abuse. One man ran through wards, startling patients, before he was captured, handcuffed and led away. Over the same weekend, thieves broke into cars in the staff car park and stole personal belongings from nurses and other staff members.

“We do not tolerate physical violence or verbal aggression towards staff or patients” Sadly, it was a familiar story for the city’s Royal Sussex County Hospital in Eastern Road. Incidents, much rarer a generation ago, are now common place at the hospital – and police are campaigning for a return of old-fashioned respect and decency. Inspector Bill Whitehead, police commander for East Brighton, said: “There is less regard for hospitals and staff than there used to be and that is a shame. “We are urging all sections of society to show more consideration for hospital and people who, after all, are there to help us in times of need.” A spokesperson for Brighton and Sussex University Hospital, which runs the county hospital, confirmed how standards of behaviour by some members of the public had fallen.

She said: “Sadly, physical and verbal abuse of our staff is on the rise. Between April, 2008 and the end of March, 2009, we recorded 136 physical assaults and 427 cases of threatening behaviour and verbal abuse.” There are fears among unions that the number of attacks and verbal assaults in hospitals is much higher than records show, because some staff are now so used to problems that they can’t be bothered to report them. Nurses have been spat on, threatened with knives, and punched, causing cuts and bruises. Excessive drinking by patients and visitors is a major contribution to the problem. It is a similar picture at hospitals throughout Sussex and a national survey showed one quarter of all staff in Sussex had experienced verbal or physical abuse. The trust spokesperson backed police calls for better behaviour and warned of the consequences for anyone breaking the law. She said: “We do not tolerate physical violence or verbal aggression towards staff, patients or members of the public when in our hospital and we always seek the maximum penalties available in law for anyone behaving in this way.”

Do touch the art Visitors to the Royal Pavilion have to keep their hands to themselves but in Alexandra Loske’s case, she gets to be a little more touchy-feely with Brighton’s best-known building. The University of Sussex student is researching the pavilion’s colour scheme, courtesy of a scholarship from the Arts and Humanities Research Council, while she studies for a doctorate in art history. Alexandra has been allowed access to the wall painting, fabrics, carpets, ornamentation, archives and staff expertise. One year into her research, Alexandra said:”It’s been wonderful, digging through the archives, old account books, original wallpaper fragments and working with the Pavilion’s conservation team.” The seaside retreat for the Prince Regent, later George IV, was developed into an Indian-style domed palace by the architect John Nash in the early 19th Century. Alexandra said: “The Prince Regent spent a lot of time and vast amounts of money consulting on colours and fabrics and decorative items for his palace. He was influenced by his advisors, by fashion and by colour theory, but it also reflects his flamboyant personality. “Every effort and expense was made to make the surroundings glitter, glisten and sparkle – ceramics, gilt, mirrors, skylights, polished surfaces and lots of trompe l’oeil – cast-iron banisters made to look like oriental bamboo. “He went over the top with everything.”

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5/28/09

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14 LETTERS | SPORT

Latest sport

Sussex boy-racer Latest Sport pulls into the pit lane to catch up with the next potential Lewis Hamilton or 13-year-old Jack Barlow, the phrase ‘one to watch’ is particularly apt after his performance at the third round of the Formula Kart Stars (FKS) Championship at the challenging Glan Y Gors circuit in North Wales, on 17 May. The Bernie Ecclestone and Lewis Hamilton-backed series enjoys coverage on Sky, and Jack attracted the attention of the TV cameras following two superb performances – that even he was surprised by. During timed qualifying the Rye College student posted the fifth fastest time overall. This gave him the vital inside line of the third row of the grid for the pre-final. Able to avoid the ‘argy bargy’ as the 24 kart field plunged into the first corner, Jack emerged in fourth place. Wasting little time he slotted into third and second position in quick succession. A bold move demoted him to third on the last lap, but Jack remained pleased to have scored more vital Championship points. It also inspired him to go one better in the main final. He explained the opening moments: “I started in third, but again at the first corner made up a place. From there I worked my way into the lead and got my nut down. I managed to open a gap and led for the next five laps, but I didn’t

have the speed that the eventual winner did. I looked over my shoulder and I could see him chasing me down.” Rather than risk a crash battling to protect his advantage, Jack maturely decided to settle for second place and another haul of points. As he rolled back into the pits, he was immediately approached by the camera crew. “I got quite a lot of attention from the TV people. Straight after the races they wanted to interview me and had already put a camera on my kart to film the action. There was a funny moment when the interviewer asked me how I coped in the wet conditions, and just as I was about to answer, the heavens opened and it bucketed down – I responded by instantly climbing into my wet suit!” To find out more about Jack and his racing career, click on www.jackbarlow.co.uk

Cheers Latest!

LATEST

LETTERS

See the full list of winners and runners-up of the Latest Awards at www.thelatest.co.uk/7/

Send your letters or comments to: letters@thelatest.co.uk

You can also send to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

Photo: Chris Walker/Kartpix

Dear Andrew, I’m James, the director of ‘Chauntecleer and Pertelotte’, and I just wanted to drop you a quick note on behalf of the company to say thank you very much for your lovely review in Latest 7, we’re delighted you enjoyed the naughty chickens and their saucy adventures and it’s lovely to get such an enthusiastic and intelligently written review! We’re really thrilled to have been nominated for a Latest Award. We were really sorry to miss the ceremony, we’re opening the show at a venue in London and our tech rehearsal overran so we weren’t able to get down there. Cheers James Bounds

latestcrossword Cryptic 196

solutions on page 30

Quick 196

ACROSS

DOWN

ACROSS

1 Take away pipe from garden when gran’s gone (6) 4 Machine for one who walks oddly (6) 9 Sluggishly mix the garlic with a friend (13) 10 Conditions causing divisions at school (5) 11 Trap in a drum (7) 12 Tree street is a winner (5) 13 Shrub for the tidy-minded? (5) 18 Drink endless coffee with female one who knows (7) 20 Bird discovered by explorer (5) 21 Cacti of India I cultivate for turning things sour (13) 22 Give professor a fresh drink (6) 23 Appeased by reformation of '22 (6)

1 Thin detective requires an old instrument (6) 2 Resolve to put off taking road to the country (13) 3 Framework of little church is holding an animal (7) 5 Ancient people buried in plain caskets (5) 6 Commanding Officer Ball returns with speech of conspiracy (13) 7 Poet in merry dance with fish tail (6) 8 Once more a victory (5) 14 Beaming god princess takes on worker (7) 15 Yarn concerning the lake edge (6) 16 Man twisted in mind (5) 17 Article used to cut through couch grass that's young but growing up (6) 19 I disturb partygiver in lift (5)

1 Writing-table (6) 4 Step out (6) 9 Dull (13) 10 Clumps (5) 11 Braced framework (7) 12 Skirmish (5) 13 Check growth of (5) 18 One seeking vindication (7) 20 Soil (5) 21 Medical instrument (13) 22 Concerning rites (6) 23 Chooses (6)

DOWN 1 Makes dull (6) 2 Strengthening (13) 3 Painters (7) 5 Discernment (5) 6 Individually characteristic (13) 7 Swallow up (6) 8 Grid (5) 14 Warm (7) 15 Neat (6) 16 Anger (5) 17 Portions (6) 19 Greek letter (5)

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5/29/09

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HOTEL DINING 15

Silver service For fine food and fabulous service, hotel restaurants lead the way says Andrew Kay ike many others, I served my time as a waiter, not in a cocktail bar, but in a hotel. It was back in prehistory and silver service was de rigeur, so armed with a spoon and fork I carefully delivered food from silver platters to plates at the table. These days things tend to be less formal but hotels are still very much at the forefront of style, service and sumptuous food when it comes to modern dining. Here in Brighton and Sussex there are many fine examples of hotel restaurants that are as popular with locals as they are with visiting guests, so much so that some of us even spend the night after having dinner. It’s a great idea believe me, and

especially when dining at country hotels. A hotel restaurant has a certain charm, usually peaceful and often discreet. They make the perfect location for romantic dinners and even clandestine trysts. That said they are also a very good option for business lunches and meetings too. And just in case you were wondering, I was not a bad silver service waiter, only causing havoc on two occassions, once when a telescopic leek in cheese sauce launched itself onto a suede fronted cardigan and once with a flower knocked into a bowl of brown Windsor. Now if that doesn’t date me nothing does.

Drakes Hotel Nestled inside a beautiful boutique hotel on Brighton’s seafront, The Restaurant at Drakes is a suitably stylish setting for any occasion. The soft neutral colours, exposed brickwork and subtle lighting create an elegant but unpretentious backdrop for low- key lunches and intimate dinners. The Restaurant has recently received two AA Rosettes for their outstanding quality and service. This is the highest possible rating for first time applicants and a great achievement considering the change of management only six months ago. Open for dinner seven days per week, the restaurant offers either an A la Carte Menu or their five course Chef’s Taster Menu. Lunch is available at the weekends. A traditional English Roast option is included on Sundays for traditional fine dining for the family. Drakes Hotel, 43-44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE. Tel: 01273 696 934 www.drakesofbrighton.com

5 COURSE GOURMET TASTER MENU • A LA CARTE MENU • WEEKEND LUNCHES

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16 HOTEL DINING

Devere Grand Hotel FEAST LIKE A KING

Felbridge Hotel THE ANISE IS ‘THE BEST RESTAURANT IN SUSSEX’ ‘The best restaurant in Sussex’ is how one restaurant critic recently described the Anise Restaurant in East Grinstead, which has already been awarded two AA Rosettes and is clearly heading for higher accolades. Since the arrival of Executive Chef Matthew Budden, the Anise Restaurant has been steadily growing in stature and reputation with its menus of simple and elegant food, beautifully presented. Anise is perfect for all those who are passionate about fine food and drink. Not only does the restaurant offer the elegance and charm of a top London restaurant, the real reason guests join us week after week is the modern, focused style and distinctly flavoured cuisine. Their award winning executive chef is continuously preparing a selection of innovative dishes, each beautifully presented and well balanced with a combination of classical techniques and culinary flair. To make a reservation please call 01342 337700.

The Grand in Brighton has teamed up with Latest to offer one lucky reader a sumptuous feast in the King’s Restaurant. The prize is a three course meal for two people from the classic British menu, with a glass of champagne on arrival and a bottle of house wine with the meal. As one of the city’s top five star hotels, The Grand prides itself on serving high quality food, which is sourced locally where possible. The ever popular catch of the day is often caught just a few hours earlier by local fishermen. The hotel stands centre stage on the seafront and is a local landmark. Diners have spectacular views across the seas and are sure to enjoy the luxurious surroundings of this Victorian hotel. Question: What is the name of The Grand’s restaurant? Name Address Daytime phone number Send your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk Closing date for entries is June 9, 2009 For more information about The Grand, please visit www.devere-hotels.com

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay is far from sleepless at Hotel Seattle

Going solo really love dining alone. I like to turn up and play the man of mystery card, finding a table from where I can see everyone come and go. I like to take a book, or my laptop, and settle back for a relaxing meal which will not be interrupted, nor will I have to make excuses for the occasional foray into over indulgence. Dining alone is after all pretty indulgent in itself, but why not, after all I don’t smoke, drink or take drugs – okay I lied about the drinking. Business took me to Brighton Marina and I had an hour or so to kill before my trip on a speedboat with Danny Pike from BBC Sussex. I contemplated the food options and then by chance spotted a two courses for £10 lunch deal at Hotel Seattle. My last experiences there had been good so I slipped quietly in, took up pole position and ordered. I had no intention of reviewing the meal at the start but by the time my main course had been cleared I knew that I had to write this one up. I started with potted pork and piccalilli. I chose it for the pickle to be honest but the whole thing was good and very generous too with great toasted bread as well as a bread basket and good butter. The glass jar of potted meat took me back to my Lancashire childhood where paté was simply a lazy way of saying Patricia. The Piccalili was great, zingy and crunchy as it must be. Needless to say my finger came into play to get the last morsels. Next I chose the salmon. A fat fillet with crisp skin and perfectly coloured pale flesh sat on a good portion of earthy spinach. On top were three decorative swirls of nice mash, delicious but I would have enjoyed a little more potato. Surrounding it was a perfect beurre blanc dotted with fine chives and capers. Classy stuff and easily worthy of the full ten quid if not more. As for the potato, the cheapest of the ingredients, it just seemed a little strange to marginalise them as a decoration. That said there was easily enough food to make me satisfied. And yes I should have stopped at two courses at lunchtime, but the chef seemed on such good form that I decided to go for a pud to. And I was very glad that I did. I love curd tarts, so northern and comforting. This one was a delicate, warm wobbling confection, spiked with sweet sultanas and accompanied by a quenelle of rich nutmeg spiced syllabub. Sophisticated and yet nursery, I did not want it to stop, but it did.

“My last experiences there had been good so I slipped quietly in, took up pole position and ordered”

The waiter brought me a huge jug of iced tap water and I did go mad and have a small glass of house white, but even going the full three courses with a drink only pushed my spend up to a modest £16.05. Okay, more than a sandwich and a bag of crisps as a lunchtime spend, but more not just in monetary terms, also in quality and quantity. I could easily have stopped at tap water and two courses and done it for a tenner, which equates to two sandwich, crisp and coke lunches by today’s standards and I know what I would rather have. Nor have I mentioned immaculate service, linen on the table and fabulous sea views across the marina and beyond. With the sun for once in attendance it made the whole rather special but it would be equally impressive as a location in a full on storm. Hotel restaurants are catching on to price wars and this one has an offer to challenge the most bargain basement of budget menus. I phoned several friends immediately I left to pass on the recommendation and now I pass it to you. Seattle Hotel, Brighton Marina, Brighton, BN2 5WA, 01273 679799, hotelseattlebrighton.com

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5/27/09

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18 HOT LIST excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Preston Park Tavern

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner.

steak with proper chips, plum tomato and house butter. 1 Paston Place, Brighton BN2 1HA, 01273 76222, www.samsofbrighton.co.uk

French New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem. Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10–11 New Steine, Brighton BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle

Sevendials Restaurant

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty threecourse dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week

Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton BN1 3TD, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Sam’s of Brighton Sam’s offers a more relaxed dining experience. The dishes served are classic yet creative, with a focus on seasonal ingredients. Examples are natural smoked haddock and salmon fish pie with a free-range poached egg or chargrilled Scotch rib-eye

The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast. Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Moksha Caffe Brighton

Italian

Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Donatello

Spinelli Coffee

Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To have an entry in the latest hot list call Marie on 01273 818150

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HEALTH 19

Spa bliss Zara Baker basks in luxury at Champneys Forest Mere resort ith four health resorts tucked away in idyllic locations across the UK, Champneys is the well known name in spa luxury. Forest Mere is the nearest resort to Brighton at just 45 miles away. But what a different world it is. Located off the main road (it’s worth printing the directions from their website) the road winds past a golf course and a lake before you arrive at the impressive country estate. Seclusion, peace and quiet and luxury – the perfect combination for a spa visit, whether just for the day or a full week. It is even asked that mobile phones are not used around the resort, a welcome and much needed break from the technology-filled pace of everyday life. Forest Mere is a sumptuous setting; clean, tidy and very attractive. The facilities are outstanding, with fully trained staff on hand throughout the day. Once there, visitors can use the indoor swimming pool, whirlpool, steam room and gym. Outside, tennis and cycling or guided walks can be enjoyed. Unfortunately, typical British weather stopped me from trying the outdoor activities but indoor exercise classes including spin and yoga could be participated in. A timetable of classes lets you pick and choose, mapping out your stay. Of course, rest and relaxation may be on the agenda, and for this, guests are simply spoilt at Forest Mere. Upstairs from the gym and studios are the treatment rooms. This is where the real world really does fade away. From facials to massage and beauty treatments, you will feel completely at rest and pampered. Slipping into the Champneys signature robe and slippers, a 50minute polish and purifying facial left my complexion brighter and clearer. Combining microdermabrasion, cleansing and steam, my skin was gently exfoliated and thoroughly cleansed. A shoulder, arm and hand massage accompanied the facial, leaving me completely relaxed. Forest Mere is complete with three restaurants where guests can enjoy breakfast, lunch and dinner. A healthy balance of protein, carbs and vitamins is encouraged with buffet options including fresh vegetables, fruit, rice, pasta, potatoes, grilled chicken, fish and more. Balance is key, from the delicious food offered to the exercise and relaxation options. Whatever your reason for visiting Champneys, I have no doubt they will make it a memorable experience that far exceeds expectations.

See more on the resorts and begin the route to luxury and relaxation at www.champneys.com

15 per cent off at Champneys Champneys are offering Latest 7 readers a 15 per cent discount on standard tariff days and stays at their health resorts. All Champneys health resorts offer healthy cuisine, the latest fitness regimes, as well as the most indulgent and pampering beauty treatments around. If you want to escape for a peaceful day away, a Champneys health resort spa offers an idyllic country haven where you can relax and unwind. It’s the perfect way to rejuvenate mind, body and soul. For your 15 per cent discount visit www.champneys.com or call 08703 300 300 and insert the promotional code ‘latest709’ where prompted. Terms and conditions: This spa package discount is valid on standard days and stays. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Offer excludes bank holidays. Guests must be over 16. Subject to availability. Any additional treatments ordered or purchased during your stay are chargeable at the full tariff rate. 15% discount valid until Dec 2009.

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5/28/09

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20 UNIVERSITY OF BRIGHTON

Eclectic collections Discover the city’s next big things in the annual feast of creativity that is the Burt Brill and Cardens’ University of Brighton Graduate Show 2009 ver 500 students from the University of Brighton are set to showcase their work from Saturday 6 June to Thursday 11 June at the acclaimed Burt Brill and Cardens Graduate Show 2009. An annual highlight of the arts calendar for the south, the university’s renowned Faculty of Arts and Architecture is transformed into a massive gallery displaying work in a staggering range of medias and subject areas from 25 courses. Attracting over 15,000 visitors each year, the graduate show is accompanied by a bumper programme of activities in the university garden, including the much talked about Graduate Fashion Show on Saturday 6 June (tickets are required).

Michaela Smith – 3D Materials Practice

Zoe Baker – 3D Design

Back by popular demand for the third year running is the People’s Art Award, which invites the general public to vote for their favourite graduate’s work. Sponsors Burt Brill and Cardens, one of Brighton’s most reputable and long-standing firms of solicitors, show their commitment to raising the profile of students’ achievements by investing in the People’s Art Award. This is also backed by Latest Homes and Juice 107.2. The university prides itself on producing some of the UK’s most talented artists and designers. Past graduates include legendary Biba designer Barbara Hulanicki and Turner Prize-winners Keith Tyson and Rachel Whiteread. Fashion graduate Julien Macdonald was voted British Designer of the Year 2001 and Gresham Blake has become modish tailor to style-conscious stars and listed in Time Out as one of Brighton’s new wave of entrepreneurs.

Keren Craig has also had outstanding success as one half of fashion duo Marchesa, the British couture label and must-have brand among Hollywood celebrities. This is an ideal opportunity to discover the next generation of budding artists; you can explore exhibits and commission artwork from students before they become stars.

Creatives of the future…

Catherine Gerard – Fashion Design with Business Studies

Illustration student Kyle Bean has received a whirlwind of attention while at Brighton gaining a scholarship at the end of his second year. Having already had work commissioned for The New York Times, BBC and Ford, he’s definitely one to look out for. His show presents an intriguing collection of stop-frame animations celebrating his love of cinema. Fashion Design with Business Studies student Catherine Gerard is another graduate heading for an exciting future. Shortly after showcasing her degree

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GRADUATE SHOW 21 collection inspired by fifteenth Century armour and 1930s tailoring, she will jet off to Italy to undertake a five-month placement at prestigious fashion house Maxmara. Catherine was among just two other student designers to receive the coveted Maxmara Womenswear Design Prize. Also to look out for in the fashion show are Lily Hibbert‘s sophisticated women’s collection and Sarah Nicholls’ sporty knits. In the fine art department Edmond Brooks-Beckham’s ambiguous oil paintings play off human, animal and machinery forms. Edmond found working with people with learning disabilities during a six-week project, Smudged, really influenced his creative approach. This was run by the university’s Access To Art programme which brings together artists with severe learning difficulties and students in higher education. The ever-popular 3D Materials Practice (Wood, Metal, Ceramics and Plastics) course adds yet another dimension to this exhibition of fresh talent. Japanese student Ai Iijima presents symbolic scissors for newlyweds that “cut through a life for the future.” Michaela Smith’s bone-like ceramic collection investigates the relationship of identity and illness. Meanwhile 3D Design graduate Zoe Baker blends fashion and sculpture to highlight tribal body modification rituals. For more information about attending the shows or studying at the university go to www.brighton.ac.uk. Programme of events: Burt Brill and Cardens Graduate Show 2009, University of Brighton, Grand Parade Sat 6 June–Thu 11 June; Sat 12–8pm; Sun 12–6pm; Mon/Tue/Wed 10am-8pm; Thu 10am–4pm, free. Fashion Show: Sat 6 June, doors open 8pm, 8.30pm start, tickets £10. Kyle Bean – Illustration

Ticket office: 01273 644099.

Lily Hibbert – Textiles with Business Studies

Phillipa Long – Fashion Design with Business Studies

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5/28/09

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LATEST LISTINGS 22

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 2 – 8 JUNE Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk The Brodowski Quartet Starting with Mendelssohn and moving on to Vaughan Williams, this youthful quartet did something very special in their lunchtime offering. The playing was superb, really excellent, but what did it for me was seeing them clearly enjoying what they do. From the moment their leader raised his bow, with a smile, to their final flourish, all four gave the impression that they were thoroughly enjoying themselves. So often the earnest expressions on the faces of classical performers set a tone of serious and even worthy intent. The Brodowskis gave us permission to relax and simply enjoy the music and the moment. Three cheers for taking some of the starch out of classical performance.

1000 Years of German Humour Self-proclaimed German Comedy Ambassador, Henning Wehn, teamed up with premier yodelmeister Otto Kuhnle to produce this endearing double act, incorporating both Henning’s polished stand-up and Otto’s many, many talents. Delivering premier gnome training, an impressive rendition of Mozart’s ‘Queen of the Night’ aria, broom dancing and much more, this was a delightful and at times, fairly close to the bone evening

Pavilion Theatre, 21 May

★★★★✩ Andrew Kay

Hot review of the week

Janis In a story about indulgence, Nicola Haydn manages the impossible by not being over indulgent. Her portrait of Joplin’s sex and drugs and rock and roll short life and death is moving. No mere impersonation, we see the torture of a woman/girl riddled with insecurities. She replaces love with sex, booze and drugs, only feeling complete when on stage. Full marks too for not peppering this drama with songs but giving us one chord at the start and ‘Me and Bobby McGee’ at the end, very beautifully sung too. The only sad thing is, lovely as the venue is, the acoustics – and the cloth backdrop, absorbed too much of her voice at times. Haydn’s performance however is five star. Fletch @ St Andrews Church, 16 May

★★★★★ Andrew Kay

of entertainment. Sending up German and British stereotypes – at one point conversing exclusively in German to demonstrate the British way when abroad – and delivering bang on gags. The only criticism was that sometimes the line was more than pushed and bruised, with ‘edgy’ gags falling flat when we knew they could do better. Komedia, 20 May

★★★★✩ Victoria Nangle Citizen Cope If the best music is mined from the underground, then US artist Citizen Cope is the richest of seams. Unique and undefinable, Cope and his US band played the Albert to a privileged, sweat laden few – including UK chart artist James Morrison – as part of the Great Escape festival. Earlier overruns and technical problems curtailed his involvement to around 40 minutes but gems from his impressive catalogue included ‘Sideways’ and ‘Son’s Gonna Rise’. It’s heartwarming that a sometimes increasingly tired and plagiarist music industry can still throw up such an inspiring, ground-breaking artist as this. Prince Albert, 16 May

The Mummers p28

23 Stage Clive James natters to Andrew about his show at the Theatre Royal

24 Film Sam Raimi drags us to hell and back

26 Comedy Victoria wonders how much energy she has

26 Art A collaboration of Ditchling artists

★★★★★ Mark Ede Sir David Attenborough – A life in Television The great and good of Brighton turned out to celebrate the life of a national treasure. In conversation with Melvyn Bragg, Attenborough was his usual knowledgeable, humorous and humble self. The Q and A session was punctuated by clips spanning Attenborough’s 57-year television career, which served to highlight how the medium has changed. From grainy shots to today’s High Definition footage. While the crowd rose to applaud the great man, they did so on a somewhat sombre note, with Attenborough painting a bleak picture for both the future of great documentary-making and, more crucially, the planet. Dome Concert Hall, 19 May

★★★★✩

27 Kids & events Anyone for a dirty weekend?

27 Books Homage payed to ‘Mr Language’ David Crystal

28 Music The orchestral pop sound of The Mummers

3 1 Clubs Blow those whistles and don those white gloves

32 Gay Doggy-style; Hove’s annual pooch parade

34 Television Have a goggle at what’s on the box

Ralph Miller

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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STAGE 23

Wizard of Oz Andrew Kay talks to Clive James about his career and his live show What exactly do you do on stage? When I go on stage I talk. I was a professional TV presenter for years but what I really do is take the world in and send it out again. I am a commentator. My life is writing and looking at the world and what is going on. The great thing about the stage show is commenting on current news. I thought Gordon Brown would be dull but he has turned out to be a great source. I actually feel sorry for him. You have an amazing website. I made my plans for my website before it was possible to build it, if you imagine it can happen it can happen. I do interviews in my living room for it. People like Victoria Wood who is a great observer. She was a key person in the development of TV for women, she broke the Footlights stranglehold when it was practically a monopoly. Eric Idle began the new tradition of inviting women and Germaine Greer was the first woman. Was that the BBC being lazy? It was not their fault, the BBC had found a short cut. You were one of a clutch of Australians who came over and took the UK by storm. I suppose so, Barry Humphries had done it perhaps ten years earlier but Germaine and Bruce Beresford and I came at about the same time yes. Do you miss having someone on stage with you? No, the audience is what I bounce off, in the

first half I just talk, in the second it is a question and answer session Do you have the same celebrity back in Australia? I am as popular. All my TV shows got shown there and usually I am there five or six times a year. I also go down well in NZ and Ireland. I haven’t conquered America but the books have taken off so I will chase that up. I don’t waste time yearning for them, they have to yearn for you. I will build up on the college circuit and take it as it comes. I still have a big area to work in with the empire.

Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Wallenstein World premiere. A victim of his own military success, Wallenstein believes he alone can bring piece to the Empire. • 2–13 June, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm 3, 6, 11 and 13 June. No show 7 June, £26.50 Oklahoma The story of an Oklahoma farm girl, Laurey, who is forced to choose

Clive James In The Evening, Theatre Royal Brighton Tue 16 June 7.30pm Box Office 08700 606 650 (booking fee) www.ambassadortickets.com/brighton

Will you do more TV? No it would have to be a big offer. Is what you do showbusiness or art? Showbusiness. Showbusiness is art. Is it comedy? Comedy is such a limited word. I like that I don’t have to be funny – but I am anyway.

Tuesday 2 June to Monday 15 June

01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Rattle of a Simple Man A revival of Charles Dyer’s classic 1960s comedy. Empathy develops between a timid football fan and a prostitute. • 5–6 June, 8pm, £15 Little Shop of Horrors The Horsham Act Too Arts Academy group perform the cult favourite about a man-eating plant. • 10–13 June, 7.15pm Wed to Fri and 12pm & 5pm Saturday, £12/8

Excuse me for being rude but you are getting on a bit, do you plan to retire? No, I do something that is so relaxed I could do it on my deathbed. They could wheel me on with tubes and pipes and still do it.

Are you in it for the money? I am not greedy for money just for the people. I like it when the audience reacts to what I do. I like to say what I mean rather than tell a joke. And I am still writing, a collection of selected poetry – Opal Sunset and The Blaze Of Obscurity – a fifth volume of memoirs. My TV crits are my favourite books, and I love the idea of being able to print one copy of an out-ofprint book these days.

Stage listings The Capitol, Horsham

How long have you been on tour? This tour is like a piece of string, I will probably croak on stage.

between Curly, the happy-go-lucky cowboy she loves, and Judd, the mysterious loner she fears. • 15 June–29 August, 7.30pm please check with venue to confirm, £12–36

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Beauty and the Beast Disney's multi-award winning musical is one of the most popular and enchantingly romantic fables ever told. • 2–13 June, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm 3, 6, 11 and 13 June. No show 7 June, £26.50

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Vincent in Brixton Based on historical fact – the story of Vincent Van Gogh in 1873 Brixton. • 2–6 June, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat

2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50 Strictly Murder A thrilling 1930s murder mystery, set in pre-war rural England. Written by Brian Clemens, creator of The Avengers and The Professionals. • 9–13 June, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50

The Hawth, Crawley 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Rent A joyous and turbulent musical that celebrates a group of bohemians struggling to express themselves through their art and ‘measuring their lives in love’. • 2–6 June, 7.45pm plus Sat 3.00pm, £9.00–£13.00 Angelina Ballerina’s Big Audition Angelina and friends return to the stage in a magical new ballet by English National Ballet. Angelina has an audition for the prestigious Camembert Academy but she worries about leaving home and Alice behind. • 9–10 June, 3.00pm & 6.00pm, £10–£20

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal My Fair Lady Timeless musical about a bet to

turn a cockney flower girl into a social butterfly. • 2–6 June, 7.45pm plus 2.30pm Thu and Sat, £tbc Thriller Live A spectacular, high octane show celebrating the career of the King of Pop – Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5. • 9–13 June, Tues–Thurs & Sat 7.45pm, 5pm & 8.30pm Friday plus 4.00pm Saturday. £18.50-25.50

Worthing: Connaught Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Buddy Buddy tells his story, presents his music and features two terrific hours of Buddy’s greatest hits. • 2–6 June, 7.30pm plus 2.00pm Wed & 2.30pm Sat, £21–28.50

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Horrible Histories World War 1 & 2 Two family shows: The Frightful First World War and Woeful Second World War. • 2–6 June, various show times, please contact the venue directly, £11/9/7.50

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24 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 2 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 1.15, 4.30, 5.15, 7.45, 8.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 3.45, 6.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 FIGHTING (15) 8.50pm HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 12.00 MILK (15) 9.15pm JONAS BROTHERS 3D CONCERT (U) 1.30 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.00, 2.30, 4.00, 5.15, 6.30, 8.00, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 12.30, 2.15, 3.15, 5.30, 6.15, 8.30 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 11.45, 2.50

Wednesday 3 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 1.15, 4.30, 7.45, 8.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 3.45, 6.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 12.00 JONAS BROTHERS 3D CONCERT (U) 1.30 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.00, 2.30, 4.00, 5.15, 6.30, 9.00

STAR TREK (12A) 12.30, 3.15, 8.15, 8.30, 9.15 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.15, 2.45, 4.15, 5.30, 6.45, 8.15, 9.15

Thursday 4 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 1.15, 4.30, 7.45, 8.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 3.45, 6.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30m 7,00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 12.00 JONAS BROTHERS 3D CONCERT (U) 1.30 HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (12A) 10.30 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 11.15, 1.00, 2.30, 4.00, 5.15, 6.30, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 12.30, 3.15, 8.15, 8.30, 9.15 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.15, 2.45, 4.15, 5,30, 6.45, 8.15, 9.15 X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (12A) 10,40

Films showing Friday 5–Monday 8 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A), CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 2

Saturday 6

MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 1.30, 3.30, 8.00, 8.30 THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 11.00am

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00, 6.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 4.00, 8.30 PIGLET’S BIG MOVIE (U) 11.00am

Wednesday 3 MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 2.00

Sunday 7

Thursday 4 LOOKING FOR ERIC + Q&A (15) 8.00pm MARK OF AN ANGEL (12A) 2.00, 4.00, 6.00

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00, 6.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 8.30pm DR. NO (15) 4.00

Friday 5

Monday 8

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00, 6.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 4.00, 8.30 WATCHMEN (18) 11.00pm

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00, 6.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 4.00, 9.00 WORLD OCEAN DAY PREVIEW + Q&A (12A) 6.30

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 2 12 ROUNDS (12A) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.15 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 1.50, 5,00. 8.15, 9.00 CORALINE 3D (PG) 8.50 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 FIREFLIES IN THE GARDEN (15) 1.10, 3.35, 6.10, 8.40 JONAS BROTHERS 3D CONCERT (U) 12.30, 2.30, 4.45, 6.50 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 12.00, 1.00, 2.40, 3.45, 5.20, 6.20, 8.00 STAR TREK (12A) 2.20, 5.30, 8.30

Wednesday 3 12 ROUNDS (12A) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.15 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 1.50, 5.00, 8.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 7.00, 9.30 FIREFLIES IN THE GARDEN (15) 1.10, 3.35, 6.10, 8.40 JONAS BROTHERS 3D CONCERT (U)12.30, 2.30, 4.45 MONSTERS VS ALIENS (IN 2D) (PG) 11.20am NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 12.00, 2.40, 5.20, 8.00

STAR TREK (12A) 2.20, 5.30, 8.30 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 11.40, 1.00, 2.10, 3.30, 4.40, 6.00, 7.10, 20.50, 9.40

Thursday 4 12 ROUNDS (12A) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.15 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 1.50, 5.00, 8.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 7.00, 9.30 FIREFLIES IN THE GARDEN (15) 1.10, 3.35, 6.10, 8.40 JONAS BROTHERS 3D CONCERT (U)12.30, 2.30, 4.45 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 12.00, 2.40, 5.20, 8.00 SPARTACUS (PG) 12.00, 3.40, 7.15 STAR TREK (12A) 2.20, 5.30, 8.30 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 11.40, 1.00, 2.10, 3.30, 4.40, 6.00, 7.10, 20.50, 9.40

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

Night at the Museum 2 (PG) Dir: Shaun Levy Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) and all the exhibits have been moved to the Smithsonian Institute in Washington. A bigger museum means more exhibitions, and so Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams). General Custer (Bill Hader) and Kah Mun Rah (Hank Azaria) join the original cast of misfits. Chaos ensues yet again as Daley tries to control the nocturnal antics of his charges. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing Star Trek (12A) Dir: JJ Abrams From Kirk (Chris Pine) brawling in a bar to the final assembly of the crew we know and love – Spock (Heroes’ Zachary Quinto), Bones (Karl Urban), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) – this is how they came to be boldly going where no one had gone before. And, of course, a battle with Romulan Nero (Eric Bana) to show their true mettle. Lush. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Terminator Salvation (12A) Dir: McG Christian Bale takes up the role of John Conner as the terminator franchise finally moves into the future. Things are not as they are supposed to be though and the appearance of the mysterious Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) could provide the answers they need to put it back on track. Showing at CIneworld and Odeon 12 Rounds (12A) Dir: Renny Harlin The second attempt by John Cena to follow in the steps of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson sees him playing Detective Danny Fisher, who accidentally gets thief Miles Jackson’s (Aidan Gillen) girlfriend killed during his arrest. Jackson’s revenge forces Fisher to play a game in which he must

solve near impossible puzzles to save the life of his own fiancée. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Drag Me to Hell (15) Dir: Sam Raimi L.A. loans officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) becomes cursed after repossessing the house of a mysterious old woman. With the help of a seer, she attempts to dispel the curse, but how far is she willing to go for the cure? With Raimi back at the helm in the genre that made him famous, expect a thrilling encounter with the supernatural. Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Duke of York’s Anything For Her (15) Dir: Fred Cavaye An intense character study of the lengths to which someone will go for the one they love. After Lise (Diane Kruger) is sent to prison for a murder she claims she did not commit, her husband, Julien (Vincent Lindon), attempts to help her escape. Showing at Duke Of York’s Mark of an Angel (12A) Dir: Safy Nebbou Elsa Valentin (Catherine Frot) leads a troubled existence, juggling her job with the custody battle for her son, while all the time mourning the loss of her daughter. After meeting a young girl she becomes obsessed, believing that the girl is her daughter. As Elsa steps onto a dark path who knows to what lengths she will go to discover the truth. Showing at Duke Of York’s Dr No (15) Dir: Terence Young Sean Connery defines what it means to be James Bond in the first of the series, in which 007 must travel to Jamaica and the mysterious island of Dr. No in search of a missing colleague. Showing at Duke Of York’s

Films showing Friday 5–Monday 8 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 2 – Thurs 4

Weds 3 – Mon 8

ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 2.00, 5.15. 8.15

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 Weds & Sunday 1,30. Weds & Thurs 8.00. Fri & Sat 2.45. Sunday 4.30. Monday 4.45.

Tues 2 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 5.15, 8.00

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Star Trek

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FILM 25 movie could not have been made without Raimi. “People are so excited about Sam coming back to the genre. Drag Me to Hell marks his return to horror.” Raimi, at the helm of Drag Me to Hell, should prove to be an exciting thrill ride. The story, set in Los Angeles, evolves around Christine Brown, played by the talented Alison Lohman (White Oleander, Matchstick Men.) Christine is a kind-hearted, innocent 20-year-old loan officer. After being accused by her boss of being too “soft,” she decides to prove her tougher business skills, both to her boss and boyfriend (Justin Long). She subsequently denies a loan to a strange, old woman Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver), who is incredibly upset with her decision. Unbeknownst to Christine, Mrs. Ganush has the power to speak with demons, particularly the Lamia, an evil devil, who will literally make Christine’s life a living hell.

“Fun horror – shocks and sequences of suspense, and a few laughs along the way”

Behind you! Evil Dead director Sam Raimi makes a welcome return to horror with his new film Drag Me to Hell ave you wondered where director, writer, producer and actor Sam Raimi has been since the hugely successful Spider-Man trifecta? After seven years spent honing the trilogy, the Evil Dead II director was ready for a change. Despite Raimi’s love for comic book fare, he was ready to return to his horror and thriller roots. Raimi’s latest project, Drag Me to Hell, was co-written with his brother Ivan Raimi.

“When my brother and I were writing the movie Darkman in 1989, we decided to also pen a little horror tale, which we later expanded into Drag Me to Hell in the mid 90s.” says Raimi. “At the time, we were both busy with other projects and didn’t have the opportunity to continue working on it. The Spider-Man films then followed, so it wasn’t until I completed that series that I realised I’d really like to return to a thriller.” According to producer Grant Curtis, the

Alison Lohman, was drawn to the project because of Raimi. “I’ve hardly seen many horror films,” says the young actress. “I normally wouldn’t consider working on a movie of this genre, but I really like Sam’s work and after reading the script, this one seemed to be different. My character Christine is usually a very nice girl and tries to help everyone, but she goes against her own nature, and everything that happens to her subsequently is a consequence of that. There is a lesson here and it was an interesting way to give some depth to the character.” Dileep Rao (Rham Jas), who plays a mystical seer aiding our heroine in her fight against the demon, describes Raimi as a collaborative director who keeps a very loose atmosphere on set and doesn’t hesitate to help out his actors while shooting a scene. Humour is an element you will always find in Raimi’s movies as he feels it’s not very present in horror movies today. As he returns to the horror genre after a 16-year absence, he still knows it’s about having fun and scaring his audience at the same time. “Fun house horror – shocks and sequences of suspense, and a few laughs along the way.” says Raimi. Drag Me to Hell is showing at the Duke of York’s from Friday. (5 June)

Win a luxury night at the Duke of York’s Win a luxury cinema night for two with a free glass of wine or a soft drink watching a film of your choice at Duke of York’s cinema. Come and enjoy the luxury sensation of their balcony and slink into sumptuous comfort in the two or three-seater sofas, large armchairs or plush cinema seats, all with tables for drinks and snacks, extra leg room and fantastic sight lines. Subject to availability. Proof of age may be required to access film.

To win this week’s tickets, tell us: What colour is the car which appears in each of the Evil Dead films? Send your answer with your name, address and phone number to competitions@thelatest.co.uk putting Drag Me to Hell in the subject line, or write to us at the address on page 3. Closing date: 15 June.

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26 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle contemplates the energy that goes into comedy and how much she has to give

he Fringe is over! Wasn’t it fun? And I surprised myself by taking part and getting a gig to perform in, as well as the 20 odd shows I went to see for myself. So nice to feel involved from all sides. An old doozie came up while the running order for the show I was in was being cemented. The compere turned to all us new act comics sitting in the holding pen, and asked us how much energy we had. It’s alright, she wasn’t about to ask for 20 press-ups. In ordering a well placed line-up it’s important to know how much energy an act brings to the stage with their performance. Will they be swinging from the chandeliers in an homage to Lee Evans with their high energy, or deadpan to the world like Jack Dee. It’s a fair point, and one I’ve considered when organising line-ups myself. I’ve just never really thought about how much energy I had.

John Edwin Nye by Eric Gill

“I have been known to jump about the stage a little, but only a little. I also stand stock still at times and fix people with a look”

Portrait of Ditchling

I have been known to jump about the stage a little, but only a little. I also stand stock still at times and fix people with a look. On top of that I simper, grin, determine and gesticulate quite wildly. In short, I’m up and down on the energy front, which doesn’t really help any compere as an answer. Most of us are in between on the energy scale. Self-assessment is hard enough every six months in an office environment, never mind in the sweaty insecure arena of stand-up comedy. However, if you don’t know your energy level it’s unlikely you’ll have someone else handily nearby who’s seen your act to answer for you. It’s time to make a call. I said I had moderate energy. Putting together a comedy show line-up is like making the ultimate mix tape. You’ve got to have peaks and troughs of tempo to give it the perfect balance. You don’t want two musical comedy acts one after the other. No to a clutch of characters acts. A gaggle of wide boy comics are not welcome all at once. A good mix up is crucial. Moderate energy will get me by. And I got just the same back from the audience. Which was nice. Victoria’s next gig is at Walks Into a Bar, London Unity, 4 June, 8.30pm, free.

Drawn from Ditchling includes several works by Eric Gill, including a rarely seen drawing of a local man, John Nye, who died of wounds in 1916 at the Somme. The drawing was begun in 1914 but was not completed until 1917. Also by Gill is a drawing in pencil and coloured crayon of the artist and poet David Jones. The exhibition also features drawings by Edgar Holloway, John Skelton and Louis Ginnet who taught at

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.” Steven Wright

Comedy listings

Wednesday 3 Jo Brand – The More You Ignore Me A book reading and interview with the queen of comedy, Jo Brand. Interviewed by Liza Tarbuck. Komedia, 7.30pm, £8

Thursday 4 Gerry Howell’s Incubation Hour Award-winning comedian and amateur (z)oologist Gerry Howell presents his wonderfully befuddled stream-of-

consciousness. Upstairs at the Three and Ten, 8pm, £7/5 Coalition Comedy Club Compered by Kevin McCarron, here’s your chance to catch top comics Andrew Lawrence, Mike Wozniak and Paddy Lennox. Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £6/5 Laugh Down Babylon Postcapitalist comedy at precapitalist prices – it’s free! Compered by Gerry Bernstein. Hobgoblin, 8.30pm, free

Walks Into A Bar Local comics tickle your funnybone with a friendly crowd. compered by Jaq Bayles. The London Unity, 8.30pm, free

Sunday 7 Bent Double An irreverent night of fun and frolics hosted by if.comedy Best Newcomer 2007 award nominee, and as seen on BBC 2's Mock The Week, Zoe Lyons. Komedia, 8pm, £6/10

An artistic celebration of the artists and people who have lived in Ditchling Brighton Art School (precursor to the present day Faculty of Art and Architecture). The advent of photography made portraiture accessible to many and village life is captured in photographs of a wedding group and the cricket team in the 30s and also in a series of photographs of local people taken in the ‘80s by Sim Cannetty-Clark. Drawn from Ditchling: Portraits from a Sussex Village, Ditchling Museum, until December 2009

Art listings Ditchling Museum Church Lane, Ditchling 01273 844744 Drawn from Ditchling: Portraits from a Sussex Village Portraits from the Museum’s collection – paintings and drawings, caricatures and photographs, word and film – celebrate the artists who have lived in Ditchling as well as local people who have drawn, painted and photographed in this village. • Until December 2009, TuesSat 10.30am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

University of Brighton Grand Parade 01273 643010 Burt Brill & Cardens Graduate Show Annual

showcase of new work by 500 graduates and which attracts up to 15,000 visitors per year. •6–11 June, 10–8pm (6, 8–10 June), 12–6pm (7 June), 10am–4pm (11 June)

Phoenix Gallery 10–14 Waterloo Place 01273 603700 Matt Robinson: Smash Guru & The Crystal Mind Fortress Plastic animals, extruded foam, papier mache, wires, scraps and molten goop form the details as Robinson makes sculpture out of a maze of miniature landscapes Until 7 June, Wed–Sun 11am–5pm

Permanent Gallery Bedford Place, Brighton 01273 710389 Ocean Mims: Things For Here, Now and There Mims questions and celebrates the products of mass-produced domestic design. •Until 7 June, Thurs, Fri, Sun 1pm–6pm, Sat 11am–6pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-sea 01424 229111 Susan Collins: Seascape New body of work by this artist. Combining digital technologies with traditional English landscape painting. •Until 14 June, open every day, 10am–6pm

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 27

Write club

Events highlights opportunity to write and perform your own stand up in a fun and informal environment. Whether you are looking to become a stand up comic or simply in need of a confidence boost, this workshop can improve your ability to perform and interact with others. Jill Edwards at Komedia, Saturday 6 June and Sunday 7 June, £95 for both sessions, for workshop information/book a place contact jill@jill-edwards.co.uk.

Splashing around

Dirty Weekend

Get active this summer with Lagoon Watersports. Children from the age of 6 upwards will have the opportunity to enjoy an active lifestyle through windsurfing and sailing classes specifically designed for children. Children of 8 and older can attend activity weeks which involve windsurfing, sailing, open-top canoeing and a speedboat ride out at sea in addition to some land based activities such as team challenges and treasure hunts. No one is left out as even parents can get involved with the option of lessons for the whole family. Kids Activity Weekend, Hove, Lagoon. every week up until Friday 31 October, £225, discounts for booking made 4 or 8 weeks ahead. www.hovelagoon.co.uk

Brighton & Hove High School for girls are inviting families to take part in a ‘Dirty Weekend’ at their Junior School. Activities will include: A workshop where children can make and paint a birdfeeder to take away, an Eco-stall, pond dipping, T-shirt printing, building a ‘mini beast mansion’ and a sale of plants grown by the children. Dirty Weekend, Brighton & Hove High School, Radinen Manor Rd. 10am–3pm, Saturday 6 June. www.bbc.co.uk/breathingplaces/ dirtyweekend

Jill Edwards, the renowned comic writer, will be offering a taster session for her groundbreaking comedy workshop on Saturday 6 June and Sunday 7 June. These confidence building sessions will provide an

Events listings Saturday 6

Myths and History of Roman and Ancient Greek civilisations In the early 19th century, antiquity was perceived as a golden age of civilisation. Interpret the mythological figures drawn on objects in the Royal Pavilion. The Royal Pavilion, 3pm–4pm, £5 plus admission

The Supper Club The Basement’s Supported Artists present a night of art chaos. The Basement, 24 Kensington Gardens, 7pm, £7/5 Print workshops Create your own prints inspired by the exhibition. Bring an apron and sketchbooks, if you have them. Suitable for beginners and those with some basic experience. All workshops are led by artist Louise Bristow.

avid Crystal is ‘Mr Language’. Ever since his early days in the ‘40s in Holyhead, he has been sensitive to words. One example of this is an early Sunday School experience. ‘Nawr plant,’ said his teacher, beginning the lesson. Nawr he had no trouble with: this was ‘now’. Plant, though, what could that mean? He asked the boy next to him: ‘It means children’, from the Welsh noun plentyn. From Holyhead, David moved to Liverpool. Here he discovered the world of reading, first through bright and breezy ‘50s comics and then through lessons in Latin, where he gained access to the Romance languages. He studied English at UCL between ‘59 and ’62, discovered Shakespeare, and came under the influence of Randolph Quirk, a professor of phonetics, who sounds like the star of a ‘70s TV series.

“We often take our teachers for granted, and think that new approaches can revolutionise old subjects” Quirk initiated a survey into spoken and written English, and Crystal toiled diligently in the field for him. This led to Crystal moving back to Wales to take up a post at Bangor. He moved into a room in the Catholic Chaplaincy, and contributed to work on liturgical reform in the post-Vatican II era, in Linguistics, Language, and Religion. He married his Liverpool sweetheart, Molly, and set about finishing his PhD. Crystal went on to lecture at Bangor University and the University of Reading, and lives now in Holyhead with his wife. Crystal was awarded the OBE in 1995 and became a Fellow of the British Academy in 2000. We often take our teachers for granted, and think that new approaches can revolutionise old subjects. The recent campaign at Sussex to preserve the Linguistics Department drew his support: Now is definitely not the time to be taking linguistic excellence off the radar, and I am shocked to hear of the university’s decision. As someone who loves his subject, and who wishes to see that love continued, Crystal is an example to all. David Crystal, Just A Phrase I Am Going Through, Routledge, £14.99

Stand up

Friday 5

John O’Donoghue celebrates his mentor in language, David Crystal

Book listings Prices include further workshop next Saturday. Brighton Museum, 10am–4pm, £45 (£40 concessions), Book in advance 03000 290902

Tuesday 2 June Chris Stewart Travel writer, farmer and former Genesis drummer Chris Stewart talks about his new book ‘Three Ways To Capsize A Boat’, written about his attempt to sail across the Atlantic Ocean. www.theoldmarket.co.uk, The Old Market, 6.30pm, £6 (includes a free glass of wine)

Wednesday 3 June Jo Brand Comedienne,

Novelist and National Treasure is interviewed by television and radio presenter Liza Tarbuck about her new darkly comic novel about mental illness – ‘The More You Ignore Me’. www.komedia.co.uk/brighton, The Komedia, 7.30pm, £8

Coming Soon: Monday 15 June Sarah Waters The author of ‘Tipping the Velvet’, ‘Affinity’, ‘Fingersmith’ and the Orange

and Man Booker nominated ‘The Night Watch’ returns with ‘The Little Stranger’, set in 1940s rural Warwickshire. www.theoldmarket.co.uk, The Old Market, 6.30pm, £6 (includes a free glass of wine)

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28 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

The Mummers

news ▲

Calling young musicians! Are you a young band, aged 12–17 and live in the area? Want to play an open-air festival this summer? Hanover Day is looking for young people’s bands or solo artists aged between 12–17 years to join in a friendly competition on Saturday 20 June held at the Hanover Centre, 11am–4pm, to win a place at Hanover Day on Sunday 5 July. Your style can be any genre. Send demos or your MySpace pages to: Iain, Hanover Centre, 33 Southover Street, Brighton BN2 9UD or email office@hanovercommunity.org.uk Please only apply if you can perform on 20 June and Hanover Day itself, Sunday 5 July.

▲

Paddle Around the Pier This year’s Paddle Around the Pier takes place on 4 and 5 July and again features a live music stage featuring some of the best talent in the Brighton area. Letz Zep, Soul Reality, Alex Gigante, Los Albertos, The Half Sisters, Mean Poppa Lean, Grand Majestic, Samsara and Justice Force 5 are just some of the highlights. It’s a free event and all monies raised at the event goes to a number of charities. Paddle Around The Pier, 4 & 5 July www.paddlearoundthepier.com Letz Zep

The Mummers are an orchestral pop sensation. Jeff Hemmings spoke to Raissa Khan-Panni. atience is a virtue they say. Whether Raissa Khan-Panni has that is unknown, but her perseverance is paying off with her band The Mummers, an independent outfit who have already played on the much coveted Jools Holland Later show, they are playing a number of big and proper festivals this summer and have just released the stunning Tale to Tell, a mammoth project involving an assortment of Brighton musicians playing along to Raissa’s Bjorkesque voice and her songs that thematically tell the tale of one person’s version of reality. Her ten-piece band will be hitting Glastonbury, Latitude, Bestival, Wychwood and Secret Garden this summer. “I want it bigger, I want 16,” she tells me. “We would then have all the lines covered, all the brass. We don’t have a trombonist right now, and we really need one.” This attitude tells you all you need to know about Raissa’s vision that took shape after the ‘failure’ of her previous life as a solo artist who released three albums back in the late 90s. “I didn’t get a top 40 (in fact, she made it to 47 with ‘How Long Do I Get’) so they dropped me and I went back to waitressing, and started this project. I write most of the lyrics whilst doing that, there was nothing else to do,” she laughs. It certainly has been a labour of love, and very much an in-house project that is developing a life of its own, without the money or marketing muscle of a big label. “We created the label together (Big Bass Drum), recruited all sorts of people via MySpace, and we’ve now got an agent… Labels seem interested but they don’t

the

Big gig Dizzee Rascal Headlining this time following a stint supporting The Prodigy. Tuesday 27 October, Dome

know where it fits in. So, while they umm and arr we just get on with it.” It didn’t affect the producers of Later, who liked the album, came to a rehearsal and said yes, they were to perform on the first show of the new series. something that big labels would kill for…”We were inbetween The Specials and Carole King and it was live and we were really nervous,” she says. We rehearsed like mad and it was amazing!” Amazing indeed, as is Tale to Tell, a magical orchestra pop creation that is fast becoming the underground sensation of the year.

UPCOMING GIGS UFO 9 June, Concorde 2 Orbital 10 June, Dome Katy Perry 11 June, Dome De La Soul 12 June, Concorde 2 The Damned 13 June, Corn Exchange Dennis Bovell 13 June, All Saints, Lewes Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Athlete 16 June, Concorde 2 Billy Bragg 17 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Answer 24 June, Concorde 2 The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Georgie Fame 26 June, Dome Ozamatli 1 July, Concorde 2 Bryan Adams 2 July, Dome M83 6 July, Concorde 2

The Bar-Kays 2 July, Old Market La Excelenci 9 July, Old Market Freak Power 10 July, Concorde 2 Loop 11-12 July, Victoria Gardens Still Black:Still Proud 13 July, Concorde 2 Sister Sledge 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Beachdown 28-31 August Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Brighton Live 30 Sept-3 Oct Hockey 1 October, Digital Joan Baez 5 Oct, Dome Orquesta Buena Social Club 20 Oct, Dome Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre Dizzee Rascal 27 Oct, Dome UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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MUSIC 29

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 2 to Monday 8 June

Tuesday 2 Dirty Leaves + Tidal Wave + Jack New Prince Albert, 8pm, free Florence & The Machine + Golden Silvers Florence Welch lets loose a cannon of entrancing and terrifying vocals. Concorde 2, 7pm, SOLD OUT Goldheart Assembly Making ‘happy’ stage fashionable again with their joyous acoustic pop. Audio, 7pm, £tbc Manic Street Preachers One of Britain’s most explosive live bands deliver their rockin’ 9th studio album, in tribute to the late Richey Edwards. Dome, 7pm, £25 Slip Jam: B Open mic hip-hop session. The Hope, 8pm, free The Space with Nitin Sawhney Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/3 Two Cow Garage Unadulterated rock mess. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5

Wednesday 3 Ash Burning their way through a rip-roaring set of metal-edged tracks. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £14 Club NME with Hunting The Minotaur + Ice Black Birds + Saw Gang Buzz Brighton Coalition, 10.30pm, free Eddi Reader Emotive and affecting performance from this musical treasure. De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £18 Electric Circus + Dirty Wonderland + Mia Gold Prince Albert, 8pm, free Elissa Franceschi + Jenny Stanley This 21year-old singer-songwriter is creating a monster buzz on the troubadour scene! Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4 Mr Hudson + Mpho Support This man is inline to set the hip-hop/R’n’B scene ablaze. Hanbury Club, 7.30pm, £7.50/6.50

Thursday 4 Anal Beard’s final shag with Anal Beard + Eastfield + The Garden Gang Prince Albert, 8pm, free It’s Alive presents...Missing Fingers + Wild Cat Strike Rock and indie mayhem. Hectors House, 8.30pm, free The Big Swing Live A night of classic live music a la Rat Pack and Bobby Darin in Vegas! Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £10-8 The Black Hats + Koala Friday Manic pop thrills with an undercurrent of noise! The Brunswick, 8pm, £5 The Horrors More than floppy-haired scenesters, rather the British art-rockers we’ve waited for? Concorde 2, 8pm, £9.50

Friday 5 Blazin Squad Leaving the ghetto infused pop behind for garage beats and grungy R'n'B sounds. Concorde 2, 7pm, £12. Camille O’Sullivan Heaven sent vocal seduction with the ‘new queen of cabaret’.

Dome, 8pm, £20 Damage Done with Bijou + Fantango + Vernie & Bertrum + The Black Hats The Hope, 8pm, £4/3 NUS Diane Cluck & Mary Hampton Emotional truths and unconventional tales told with a dynamic and powerfully melodic voice. Komedia, 8pm, £8 Porchlight Smoker Local quartet playing original material and idiosyncratic versions of pop, folk and country/ bluegrass songs. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £3 Salter Cane + Rightious Ones + Hollywood Assassins Prince Albert, 8pm, free Sussex Uni Graduation Party with Ceilidh Band Hectors House, 8pm, free The Lost Highway The Brunswick, 8pm, £5/4

Saturday 6 Adriano Adewale Group A global fusion of musical influences. De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £10 Grovesnor + Kinema + Orchid Thieves ExHot Chip drummer’s new six-piece drives the ladies wild with sleek electro-soul and polished synth sounds. Prince Albert, 8pm, free Lady Sovereign The tiny titan from London with an all-guns-ablazing voice and innate feel for beats. Concorde 2, 7pm, £9 Maximum Rock’n’Roll with The Jim Jones Revue + The Silver Brazilians + The Actoinette DJs High octane rock’n’roll. Komedia, 8pm, £8/7 Supper Club with Los Piratas Latin roots music. Hanbury Club, 7pm, £28/22 The Stash Presents The Misbegotten + Dog End Disco + The Lucans Opening hell‘s mouth with hardcore-influenced rock and no-frills punk. The Hope, 8pm, £4/3 NUS Unfolds Upcoming four-piece with influences from Nirvana to The Beatles. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £3

Ash With 18 Top 40 hits, Ash are one of the most successful singles bands of recent times, consistently bothering our charts and airwaves with their distinctive, lovable and inventive pop. Following their 2007 album Twilight Of The Innocents, Ash heralded a new approach to record releases, eschewing the traditional album and instead delivering a year long series of fortnightly single releases (called the A-Z Series) with limited edition collectors‘ vinyl, starting in September. In the meantime the band have just released the single ‘Return of the White Rabbit’, which sees them throwing angular guitars over electro hooks. Wednesday 3 June, Concorde 2 Florence and the Machine Lyrical, glamourous and a little bit eccentric, Florence Welch twists and crafts metaphorical couplets and mythical tales, turning them into something intriguing and distinctive. Add in some haunting vocals, a few harp cascades and muted drum rolls and voila! It’s a hit! Tuesday 2 June, Concorde 2 Manic Street Preachers Hurtling headlong into the British rock limelight with their platinum-selling 1996 album ‘Everything Must Go’, it was the band’s first outing since the tragic disappearance of lyricist/guitarist Richey Edwards a year earlier. Now the Manics return with their ninth studio album, ‘Jouranl For Plague Lovers’, a homage to Richey featuring lyrics left behind by the troubled songwriter. Recently inducted into the NME ‘Hall of Fame’, the Manics remain one of Britain’s best live bands some two decades after the self-styled

‘Generation Terrorists’ first proclaimed their cerebral and visceral rock agenda. Tuesday 2 June, Dome Handsome Family Dark, elemental, mischievous and mournful. The Handsome Family are Brett Sparks (music) and Rennie Sparks (lyrics), a duo who consider their songs romantic in the 19th century sense of the word: full of an awed sense of emotion in the face of nature’s mysteries. Their eighth album has just been released – ‘Honey Moon’ is a celebration of their 20 years of marriage! Friday 29 May, De La Warr, Bexhill-on-Sea Members Formed in 1977 and playing the infamous punk haunt the Roxy, the Members made their mark with the classic ‘Sound of the Suburbs’. Other hits followed including ‘Solitary Confinement’ and ‘Offshore Banking Business’, full of intelligent humour allied to a pop and reggae sound. Now you’ve got the chance to catch the greatest punk satirists as Members are back and touring. They are supported by Horsham’s Drone Rebels and Geronimo Arkwright from Brighton. Saturday 30 May, Engine Rooms Toploader Oh, yes. ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’, anyone? The Toploader boys are back in action, and just for you there is a little intimate gig at the unlikely Albert venue, better known for alternative music of all persuasions. Still, this Sussex band were always a good live act, and here it should come across brilliantly. Expect a few laydeez at the front. Saturday 30 May, Prince Albert

Sunday 7 Michael Weston King A rare talent drawing from a range of styles, from pop to folk, from country to soul, from gospel to blues. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £8/7 Mighty Diamonds Premier reggae harmony trio. Concorde 2, 8pm, £12.50 Tenniscoats + Hind Ear + Jacob’s Stories & Band Prince Albert, 8pm, free The Lanes + Guided by Lights + The Maxibons + Phil Letley Beer flingin’ rock and indie. Hectors House, 8pm, free

Monday 8 Forever Never Blasting polyrhythmic riffage and epic melodies. Freebutt, 8pm, free The Adventurists + Mal Webb Off the cuff tomfoolery with maverick modern storytelling and multi-instrumental songsmithery! Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/5. Jaime Pettit

Roast Jazz

The Manics

Every Sunday from 12.30 £10 including lunch Upcoming Artists Sun 14 June Sam Chara 01273 687171 14–17 manchester street

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30 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases aissa Khan-Panni is The Mummers, and already it’s looking very good for this Brighton-based singer and musician whose debut album is out next week. Tale to Tell is where, for those already familiar, Bjork ditches the wonky abstracts and atonal caterwalling, for an altogether more delicious pop confection. Very easy on the ear, this is about as sweet a pop debut as possible. And that’s despite the almost ridiculous Bjork soundalikes that emanate from Khan Panni’s mouth. That’s not to decry her though, it’s just another indication of how influential Bjork is. Still, the lush orchestration and the ecstatic child-like vocals were made for each other, and there is only one winner… A somewhat forgotten band of the 80s, the current Island Records celebrations (50th anniversary) should go some way to rehabilitating Tom Tom Club. Formed by Chris Frantz and Tina Weymouth as an offshoot of Talking Heads, they came good with their eponymous debut album of ‘81, a gloriously sunny and upbeat if skewed post punk funk album that featured ‘Wordy Rappinghood’, ‘Genius of Love’ and ‘On, On, On’. Digitally remastered and expanded to include some B-sides and remixes, this is one of a number of forgotten gems we expect to see unearthed during the course of the year. The 2-CD set also includes their second album, Close to the Bone, the first time it has appeared on CD. Brighton indie-rockers The Perils have been making strong headway within the choppy waters of the highly saturated indie guitar scene; thanks to their twin attack of excellent live show and memorable tunes, The Perils create classic guitar music. Good People Do Bad Things is quality from beginning to end, sung with vigour and performed with panache, particularly on ‘Give Me a Reason’ and the jaunty ‘The Cigarette Song’. Like a more spunky Kooks. Three-piece indie glam rockers Placebo continue to apply their eyeliner, but less liberally as they mellow somewhat. They have been at it since ‘94, but their intensity is more muted, their appetite for sex and other accroutements of being rock’n’roll stars isn’t quite at the forefront. Are they settling down? Are they mature? Yes and no. There is still an epic forthrightness to their songs, and it’s not all sailing off into the sunset stuff just yet, as Brian Molko entangles once again with love, loss and failure. This is their fifth album and Battle for the Sun is another stadium friendly outing, consistently good, if a little bit derivative.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 DJ Messa/Matt Perry feat Kirsty Sillars – Somero ★ 2 Surfhunter – Bessie 3 Jaybee – My Imaginary Friend 4 Mr Resonate – Brighton bubblin’ feat. Lionheart 5 Jaybee – Identity 6 N-D-E – Incredible Machine 7 North Laine feat Lion Heart & Bongo – Stand Up 8 Chaos Borne – I Will 9 The Red Attack – And You Command Everybody... 10 Cakeboy – Skyrider The sunny rays must have got the public in the mood this week, as D’n’B roller, ‘Somero’ heats up to numero uno. Plus Ibiza vibes ooze out of the new top five entries, Surfhunter with the electronic production, ‘Bessie’ at two. Jaybee melts down the cone this week to three and Mr resonate is left sunburnt at four. 11 Crawlspace Shivers 12 The Mojo Fins Always Now 13 Tubba 3 Ply Gerhard 14 White Star Liners Tyre Pressure Was the Least of His Worries 15 North Laine Sometimes 16 Chaos Borne Watching 17 Portslade Girls and Boys 18 Portslade Waking Up 19 Jaybee Crazy Pearl 20 North Laine Crys 21 North Laine A Place We Knew 22 The Woo!worths K O N I C H I W A (dem oh) 23 Chaos Borne The Moment 24 sMs A New Sequence 25 Surrender Monkeys John Agar was Right

26 Offside Nothing Wrong with Me 27 sMs I'm Sorry Dave 28 Sparker 1000 DAYS (NOW I WANT YOU) 29 Mr Resonate Say What You Mean 30 Leah Beautifully Broken 31 Oceania Leone 32 Mr Resonate All That I’m Not 33 12 Stone Toddler Under the Weather 34 White Bait Ten Gallon Hat 35 Hold Fire Emma-Louise 36 Tenek State of Mind 37 tenek If I Should Fall – ep version 38 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 39 ThePrjctMyhm FreeForAll 40 White Bait The Bug Song

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 196

ACROSS: 1 Deduct 4 Mincer 9 Lethargically 10 Terms 11 Insnare 12 First 13 Broom 18 Teacher 20 Drake 21 Acidification 22 Donate 23 Atoned. DOWN: 1 Dilute 2 Determination 3 Chassis 5 Incas 6 Collaboration 7 Rhymer 8 Again 14 Radiant 15 Strand 16 Brain 17 Weaned 19 Hoist. Solution to Quick 196

ACROSS: 1 Bureau 4 Stride 9 Uninteresting 10 Tufts 11 Tressel 12 Brush 13 Stunt 18 Avenger 20 Earth 21 Pneumatometer 22 Ritual 23 Elects. DOWN: 1 Blunts 2 Reinforcement 3 Artists 5 Taste 6 Idiosyncratic 7 Engulf 8 Grate 14 Thermal 15 Dapper 16 Wrath 17 Shares 19 Gamma. © Crossword Shop

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BARS & CLUBS 31

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 2 to Monday 8 June

Tuesday 2 Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2. Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS. Funky Buddha Lounge Subsplash. All star dub tracks and dub on the rising. 10.30pm, free/3. New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2. Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–3am, £1–3.

Wednesday 3 Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude. 10pm, free b4 12/£1 after. Audio Supercharged.. 11pm–2:30am, £1/3. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live bands and DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free. Funky Buddha Lounge NYC. Unpretentious pop, electro and house for the mid-week party heads. 11pm–6am, £3/2. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’b, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, free/£2. Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful, progressive bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/£2 after.

Thursday 4 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1. Brighton Coalition Love Blow. R’n’B, funky house and floor-fillers. 10:30pm–3am, £2/1. Digital Thursday Club. Roots of dub with The Mad Professor. 11pm-3.30am, £7. Funky Buddha Lounge Love Lockdown. 7:30pm, £tbc. Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1. New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2. Om Bar and Club Thank Funk it’s Thursday. Funk, dub, reggae and dub-step. 8.30pm, free. Pavilion Tavern Mod For It. 60s mod extravaganza, motown, soul, northern soul ska 60’s beat and new wave. 10.30pm, £tbc. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2.

Friday 5 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s dance floor classics. 11pm–3am, £3. Audio Hospitality. 11pm-4am, £10/8. Brighton Coalition University of Brighton Faculty of Arts Degree Show After Party. 11pm–4am, £5. Concorde 2 High Velocity. 11pm–4am, £12.50. Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll, DJ and live bands. 11pm– 3am, £4. Engine Rooms Deviant. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Funky Buddha Lounge La Playa. The best in Latin house, hip-hop and reggaeton. 11pm–6am, £6/8. Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50. Honey Club Hardsouth. Diamond blasting hard

dance with Karim and MDA Spherical. 11pm– 5am, £10-5. Komedia Stone to the Bone. Spinning superbad 70s motown, psychedelic soul and funk grooves. 11pm, £5. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe.... Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams. Rock’n’Roll. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night. 10pm–3am, £5/4. Tru Friday Nights. 10pm–2am, £5/free b4 11. Volks Regime. 11pm–5am, £5/4.

Saturday 6 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5. Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 11pm–4am, free. Belushi's Below Good Times. The best in 70s and 80s soul, funk, disco, classics and anthems for 25s and over. 10pm, £5. Brighton Coalition Junkbox. Electro tech club night. 11pm-4am, £12/10. Followed By: Blow The After Party. High grade tech-house, techno and electro. 3am–8am, £7-4. Concorde 2 House is a Feeling. 11pm, £7/8. Digital Pussycat Club – 14th Birthday. 11pm, £12/10. Engine Rooms Born Bad. Alternative madness for glamorous girls and boys. 11pm–3am, £5/4. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. Disco, funk, house and rare groove from Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10. Honey Club Sevensins Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS. Jam EBoogie. E-lectronic. 9pm–2am, free. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11. Marlborough Bar and Theatre Club Wotever. 9pm, £5. New Hero It is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night! 10pm, £3. Om Bar and Club Balearic Jukebox. Eclectic diversity with genre-breaking Balearic sounds. 9pm, £3. Po Na Na .Silk. R'n'B, funky house, commercial. 10pm–3am, £10–5. Tru Girl’s Night Out. 9pm, free-8.50. Volks Psychedelicious ~ Niquids birthday bash. 11pm–5am, £7/8.

with Jaime Pettit Hospitality Hospitality celebrates the release of Sick Music LP by delivering a massive dose of dancefloor destroying beats. One of the label’s top surgeons, DJ Die brings in some medicated west country wobble whilst label debuts from Sigma and Breakage provide some clinically fresh new basslines. Friday 5 June, Audio High Velocity Packin’ up its whistles and neons, ‘High Velocity’ leaves its home at The Mud Club in Bognor Regis to test our raving stamina. Bringing the freshest, hardest, old skool beats and hardcore rhythms from scene legends and new faces. Including Hardcore Heaven Award winners, Gammer & Whizzkid! Plus, if that’s not enough, they’re providing one part of Ultrabeat, the legend that is Re-Con and the don himself, Hixx. Call yourself a raver? Stick it ‘til dawn and find out. Friday 5 June, Concorde 2

House is a Feeling Celebrating 20 years of house music culture past, present and future with Chicago House Legend and ‘The voice of house music’, Robert Owens. He will be performing an exclusive DJ and vocal set, rolling out old skool classic tracks, ‘Tears’, ‘I be your friend’ and many more. Plus local house/techno hero and chart smasher, Steve Mac will be laying down some house rules. No standing still, no boring clobber and no leaving with the people you came with. Saturday 6 June, Concorde 2 Pussycat Club – 14th Birthday – Pink and Black Party These Pussycats will be celebrating Big Cat style with a birthday party to knock the candles of all those other jelly and ice cream bashes!! Dive into a giant birthday cake fight, ‘Oohh’ at the Balloon Burlesque and ‘Aahh’ at the plush pink décor. With a sinful soundtrack of cutting edge funky electro and dirty house from the Audio Pimps and resident Nippa. All hosted by Miss Alternative Brighton, Stephanie Starlet. Pinktastic. Saturday 6 June, Digital

Pussycat Club – 14th Birthday – Pink and Black Party

Sunday 7 Arc Irie A shake up of ragga. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1. The Open House We Change the Frequency Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free.

Monday 8 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm– 3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe.10:30pm–2:30am,£3/1. Om Bar and Club Spun. 8.30pm, £3. Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys.10pm–2:30am£3/1 Jaime Pettit

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32 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Good show Pride in Brighton and Hove is seeking donations, sponsors and trade stand exhibitors to help support its 7th annual Companion Dog Show taking place at Hove Rugby Club on Sunday 5 July. The Kennel Club registered show is held in conjunction with the Coastway Veterinary Group and helps generate muchneeded funds for Pride in Brighton and Hove. The Companion Dog Show attracts more than 500 entries competing in pedigree, condition and novelty classes and attracts large numbers of spectators from across Brighton and Hove and the region. Trade stands are £70 for standard size pitches, while there are still a number of sponsorship opportunities

available for the show and individual classes. These can start from as little as £100. Judith Manson, Pride’s fundraising and communications manager, said: “The Companion Dog Show is a fun event that opens the Pride in Brighton and Hove summer activities and has established itself as a firm favourite among dog lovers in the city and beyond. We are seeking donations of prizes for the winners on the day and sponsorship, naturally all donors and sponsors to this popular event in the Pride calendar will be acknowledged prominently.” For more information about donations and sponsorship opportunities at the show contact the Pride Office on 01273 775939.

Multitasking Rhona Cameron talks to Latest Gay about comedy, sexuality and transition ne of Britain‘s most popular female stand-ups, Rhona Cameron is bringing her Edinburgh show to Bexhill at the end of this month. The award-winning comic and acclaimed author is known for her cerebral wit and story-telling. Not for her, she says, are the punchline-after-punchline styles of comedians such as Jimmy Carr who tells “brilliant gags“ but “you don’t get to know him”. By contrast, Rhona invites her audience into her psyche and her passionate and outraged world view: “I have to get a rhythm going, a rapport going with the crowd. I have to connect.“ On stage, Rhona’s passion manifests as observational humour. On her blog (rhonacameron.com) it morphs into rants about the everyday (an incompetent rental hire company) and sociological (gay people must come out and should not holiday in places where homosexuality is illegal). Because of her openness about her sexuality and popularity with gay fans, Rhona has become almost a spokesperson on gay rights. She is also a woman, of working class origins, adopted, 40-something and Scottish – so does she tire of always being tagged as a “lesbian comic”?

“It has taken me years to know how I should harness all my talents“ “The word lesbian is always synonymous with my name,” she says. “It does mean as a result there have been career limitations because of the prejudices that exist which people don‘t even know they have.” It is a minority within a minority, she explains. Out of all those who attempt comedy as a living, so few make it. Even fewer of them are women, and ever fewer lesbians. “It's very tough. There is definitely a reluctance among some people to employ a lesbian.” Things are easier, she thinks, among “Oxbridge sets” who already have a foot in the door, but for a working class woman – like she was – people see you as “something scarier”.While she made her name as a comic, Cameron is now also a renowned writer and is working on a film screenplay for her autobiographical book Nineteen Seventy-Nine. In fact, she prefers it to comedy. “I feel more passionately about film than I do about any other medium. I can do stand-up, I can write, I’m interested in other things as well; it‘s taken me years to know how I should harness all my talents.“ Rhona Cameron with support from Shappi Khorsandi, De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill, Saturday 27 June, £15. Call 01424 229111.

Off scene Sea Spray Boutique Hotel is holding an event for non-scene gay men who want to meet like-minded people. The event on Thursday, 25 June has been advertised in Latest magazine for the past month. Sea Spray manager Neil Boyce said: “We host lots of different successful events at the hotel including wine tasting, speed dating quizzes and lady only

evenings and are looking to host this event on a regular basis.” The evening will start at 7.30pm. Entry fee is £5 including arrival drink. Tickets can be purchased on the door or in advance. For further information, or to book, ring 07919 502138 or email 25sceneless@googlemail.com

033_LS426 gay listings

5/28/09

6:56 PM

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LATEST GAY 33

Gay listings Tuesday 2 to Monday 8 June Tuesday 2 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. A double dose of cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free. Ghetto Quiz Alicious and Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Payday Beach Party. Boys in trunks, and gals in lush shades rock out to the dirty house and electro pop sounds. 10.30pm–3am, £3/2 NUS. The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 3 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free. Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Lil Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free Revenge London to Brighton. Bringing the upfront house sounds of London Taaan to Brighton with MOS and Housexy resident, Jake Duval. 10.30pm–3am, £4/2. The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Get down and filthy with dirty handbag and house tunes laid out by DJ Gabbi. 11pm–4am, free

Thursday 4 Charles Street Bar Mad Cow. £1.25 a pint, £1 a bottle, small wine or shot. 8pm–11pm, £1 Charles Street Club Mad Cow XXL – My Cow is on Fire. DJs Lil Alex and LeeRoy spinning funky house across two floors. 10pm–3am, £1. Ghetto HDSM. Leather to lycra with Jon Byrne splashing out hard dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls on Top.10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after The Basement Boys Below. Men only night. Chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free

Friday 5 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Girls Night. Two floors of mayhem with DJs. 8pm–2am, free Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Unlimited drinks for £20! 9pm, free

R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop Vs Altitude. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Thank Funk it’s Friday. Funk, disco and retro classics all night! 12pm, free The Zone Gilly B & JJ. The ladies swing into action again this week at the Zone for more foot tapping, head bopping tunes. 9.30pm, free.

Saturday 6 Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo At The Marly. HRH Queen Josephine joins the Marlborough for a little funky house fabulousness. 9pm–am, free. Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Auntie Robbie + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm, free. R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Booty Call. Booty Call kicks in from 8.30pm with guest DJ Rascal. Bar open 12pm, free The Zone Presents... Miss Hap. Songs and tall tales to be heard tonight! 9.30pm, free

Sunday 7 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Ghetto Club Tropicana. Back to the 80s with DJ Pookie & Chums. 9pm, £free b4 11pm. Komedia Bent Double. A consuming brew of comedic delight hosted by ‘Mock The Week's’ Zoe Lyons. 7.30pm, £10/8. Legends Sunday Cabaret with Lady Imelda. Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Sunday Quiz. 7pm, £1 per entrant Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Lola Lasagne + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free Revenge Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a spanish twist. 10.30pm–4am, £tbc. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander. 11pm–4am, free

Monday 8 Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free R-Bar Miss Jason’s Madhouse. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free The Basement Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free

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5/29/09

5:18 PM

Page 2

34 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

2 – 8 JUNE

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 2

Embarrassing Bodies Wednesday 9pm Channel Four et me start by advising you not to watch this while attempting to eat anything, as chances are you will see some serious dental work happening or surgery. Embarrassing Bodies and its sister show Embarrassing Illnesses basically tell us things we might want to ask our GP but feel too embarrassed about, including everything from not being able to get it up to what is causing pain when you sit down. The travelling Embarrassing Bodies bus sets up shop in a city and the doctors – Dr Christian Jessen with his weird middle parting and Dr Pixie McKenna meet folk from that area who are too embarrassed to go to their GP but are comfortable with having a televised consultation! In general I am a fan of TV that actually does something, and although this is sometimes a little gross to watch, it could potentially save your life. Throughout the series the doctors show you how to check for lumps, what colour your pee should be and what really happens during an STI test – hoping that they can blow some myths out of the water and leave the country feeling more confident about booking an appointment to get something they are uncomfortable about seen to. I wouldn’t suggest you pop your kids in front of the telly as some of the images are quite graphic and can focus on those downstairs areas of the body. But then again, hiding it from them is only re-enforcing the fact that those things mentioned are something to be embarrassed about. Personally, I think this type of TV is almost necessary as at some point many of us will suffer something that appears on the show and with any luck having seen it there will encourage us to go and get it checked. The series also has a website on which they carry out surveys, give information and also answer your questions about something you think might not be quite right. The doctors who host the shows also put themselves in the spotlight, being tested for this and that to show you how it is done, what it involves and what the possible outcomes are. Having an open forum to ask questions and be answered as seen on the shows corresponding website is a great idea as it allows you to anonymously ask about all the bothers and be answered by someone who actually knows. I would recommend that you try and catch this show if you can, as in watching it you might have a question of your own answered, or it might enable you to notice something a little off in someone you know.

Saving Private Ryan ★★★★★ (1998, Sky 1, 11pm. Dir Steven Spielberg) Spielberg pulled out all the stops on this warstruck drama, from the disturbing scenes of the Normandy Landing to the epic journey across Europe to try and find the Private Ryan of the title. You can’t help but be moved. Starring Tom Hanks, Tom Sizemore, Ed Burns and Matt Damon, to name but a few.

WEDNESDAY 3 Terminator 2: Judgement Day ★★★✩✩ (1991, ITV1, 11.05pm. Dir James Cameron) Linda Hamilton goes a bit scary as the survivor Sarah Connor, out to protect the son she was told in the first film would save the human race. No pressure there then. Arnold Schwarzenegger turns up as a reprogrammed Terminator out to protect them, while real baddie robot Robert Patrick goes ape after their asses.

THURSDAY 4

Sweet Charity ★★★★✩ (1969, Sky Movies Classic, 6.30pm. Dir Bob Fosse) A classic musical starring Shirley MacLaine as Charity, a taxi dancer hoping to be swept off her feet and into the high life but her next beau. With choreography from legendary director Fosse and a score including ‘Big Spender and ‘If They Could See Me Now’, this is chock-full of giggles and tears.

FRIDAY 5

The Terminator ★★★★✩ (1984, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir James Cameron) A little out of sequence this week, but then you can’t have everything. It’s clear that the latest in the series is out in cinemas this week. Arnie arrives from the future as the bad robot out to kill Linda Hamilton’s Sarah Connor in an attempt to stop her unborn child becoming a rebel leader in the future. Michael Biehn comes from the future to help out too.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Wednesday 3, 11.05pm, ITV1

SATURDAY 6 Twins ★★★✩✩

(1988, ITV1, 3.35pm. Dir Ivan Reitman) Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger star as twins separated at birth in this family comedy. Created in the lab, Arnie plays the perfect specimen raised by philosophers on an island in the South seas, while DeVito was the leftover bits and has loan sharks on his tail. time for some brotherly help.

SUNDAY 7

Cats And Dogs ★★★★★ (2001, Five, 5.40pm. Dir Lawrence Guterman) Mixing live action with visual gizmos is this fantastic tale of espionage and double lives lived right under our very noses in the battle between cats and dogs. Featuring the voices of Tobey Maguire, Alec Baldwin and Susan Sarandon this is a purr-fect Sunday afternoon movie.

MONDAY 8

Boogie Nights ★★★★✩ (1997, TCM, 9pm. Dir Paul Thomas Anderson) Funky tale of a teenage boy with a special package (Mark Wahlberg) embarking on a career in the porn industry in the 70s as it moved from film to video tape. Brought back Burt Reynolds and introduced Heather Graham in this well told fable. Victoria Nangle

000_LS426_TV_Tue

5/27/09

4:23 PM

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tuesday 2 Nature’s Fury: Tornado ITV1, 8pm Chris Terrill goes in search of some of nature’s biggest storms. Not one of those who hides under the bed at the first crack of thunder, Chris travels 30,000 miles across the American Midwest during one of the most active tornado seasons for 50 years. Meeting victims and chasing twisters, until one chases him.

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm Ever wondered what happened to the kid that made friends with ET in the famous Spielberg 80s film? Just in case you did – ta da! Here he is, playing the convict from Catherine’s first solo case. He says he’s innocent and that the evidence was faulty. Eighteen years is a long time in forensics.

Doctor Who BBC3, 7pm The new Doctor Who is months away so dosing up on the repeats is all we can do to keep the cravings at bay. Tonight gives us a second chance to catch Donna’s reunion with the Doctor, as both start to investigate the curious weight loss claims of the villainous Miss Foster and her Adipose brood.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.40 Martha Speaks 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six. 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Bianca resolves to be a proper mother. Not one of the silly cardboard cut-out varieties. Eh?! 8.00 Holby City Jac gets out of her depth when she takes over an operation from Joseph to distract herself from his impending wedding. She’ll never admit it. Like that bolshy girl at school who said she knew the answer but just didn’t feel like telling the teacher. We all knew her. 9.00 Crimewatch Kirsty Young and the team work with the police to appeal for help in cracking unsolved cases, including a reconstruction of 35-year-old chef Claudia Lawrence’s last movements. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Crimewatch Update Don’t have nightmares. 10.45 FILM: Greenfingers (2000) Starring Clive Owen, Helen Mirren, David Kelly, Warren Clarke, Danny Dyer. Comedy in which an inmate at an experimental open prison discovers his gardening talent. No extra digging under the fence. 12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: See Hear 12.45 Keep It In The Family 1.45 Country Tracks 2.40 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.10 The Unsellables 3.40 BBC News

6.00 – 10.30am Children’s television 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Let’s Write A Story 11.40 Emotional Literacy 11.50 Emotional Literacy 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Animal 24:7 2.15 Car Booty 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 5.55 Party Election Broadcast For The European Parliament By The Labour Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! The Peak District is the location for today’s programme and Buxton’s Pavilion Gardens is the venue. Pretty place, innit? 7.00 Penelope Keith And The Fast Lady Penelope Keith tells the story of Edwardian ‘it girl’ and motoring pioneer Dorothy Levitt. 8.00 Springwatch Chris Packham, Kate Humble and Simon King bring us live updates from our Springwatch animal stars, from blue tits to goshawks, as their dramas unfold. 9.00 Mary Queen Of Charity Shops Mary Portas attempts to transform the humble charity shop from the poor relation on the high street into a real contender. She begins with one of Save the Children’s worst performing shops in Orpington, Kent. 10.00 Grumpy Old Women A group of middle-aged women grumble about various aspects of modern life. The female grumpies include Sheila Hancock, Jenny Eclair, Stephanie Beacham, Muriel Grey and Pam St Clement. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 D-Day To Berlin Drama-documentary narrated by Sean Bean about the decisive struggle to defeat Hitler’s Third Reich. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 American Voices: A History Of America 1917-1941

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.00am The Cubeez 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Underdogs 10.50 Designers Under Pressure 11.10 The Spartans 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Flatpack Stories 12.35 Checking Into History 12.55 FILM: The Barefoot Contessa (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin finds a freaked-out Spencer in The Loft yard and starts to panic about Sasha’s safety. She’s been with Warren – not a good track record for safe ladies. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix Gok Wan tries to transform self-confessed shopaholic Barbara Taylor, who owns the biggest wardrobe he has ever encountered. Plus, the Rotherham girls put some party tops to the test. 9.00 I’m Running Sainsburys Series in which Sainsburys chief executive Justin King explores new business ideas suggested by employees of the retail giant. 10.00 My Monkey Baby Documentary about the US families who adopt monkeys, sometimes as a preferred option to having children. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory Flatshare comedy. Leonard is devastated when the geeky sales clerk in a comic book store hits on Penny. 11.35 My Name Is Earl Comedy. Earl wakes up from his coma and tries to find Billie. 12.05am PokerStars.com 1.05 Gillette World Sport 1.35 4Sport: Destination 2012 2.30 GT4 European Cup 2.55 KOTV 3.45 Postmodern Pastimes 4.00 Alice Through The Looking Glass 5.25 We Are From... (x2) 5.55 Making It

6.00 – 8am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 The Milky And Shake Show 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Profoundly Normal (2003) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Roman recovers his sight. Just like that! 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad In California, Michaela Strachan accompanies those campaigning against illegal puppy trading. 6.55 PEB: The Labour Party 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency The RAF races to save a woman missing on Ben Nevis and a helicopter has to avoid dangerous power cables to save an injured man. Better than Airwolf ‘cos it’s real. 8.00 Helicopter Warfare Documentary series examining historic helicopter operations. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. While investigating a death at the bottom of a sinkhole, the team discover a tunnel leading to a bank vault. You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! Not invite mythical alligators into the bank. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spin-off of the crime series. When the chief investigator of a controversial report documenting corruption within the NYPD is gunned down, Mac and Stella must find the killer. 12.00am The Shield 1.00 Ironman World Championships 2.00 IndyCar Series 2.50 Rolex Grand Am 3.40 Cricket On Five 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Elite League Speedway 1.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket (x2) 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.30 Football Asia 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Revista De La Liga 2.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 4.30 Revista De La Liga

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.25 Party Election Broadcast By The Labour Party 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy resorts to desperate measures to keep Sarah. Not more hitting. That would be bad. 8.00 Nature’s Fury: Tornado See highlights. 9.00 Ladette To Lady The series that transforms ladettes into ladies takes on a group of raucous Australian sheilas. As the new, over-refreshed recruits arrive at Eggleston Hall, the teachers fear the worst when they receive news that the police have been called to the local airport following complaints of disruptive behaviour onboard. Struth! 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dating The Enemy Millionaire entrepreneur Amanda and unemployed busker Steve have nothing in common apart from both being single. This unlikely couple see if they can find any common ground. Hampstead Heath? 11.05 The Truth About Binge Drinking With concern mounting about Britain’s booze culture, singer Michelle Heaton sets out to reveal the dangers of binge drinking. Hic! 12.35am Red Bull Air Race Season Preview 2009 1.00 Supernatural 1.45 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Elite League Speedway 10.00 Bowls (x2) 12.00pm London Golf Show 1.00 Wild Spirits 1.30 FEI Equestrian World 2.00 Spirit Of Golf 2.30 Powerboating 3.00 Poker 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Spirit Of Golf 6.30 Football Asia 7.00 Revista De La Liga 8.30 Football Asia 9.00 Mountain Bike World 9.30 Spirit Of Golf 10.00 Poker 11.30 NFL – Total Access 12.30am Pool: World Cup Of Pool 1.30 Spirit Of Golf 2.00 Formula 3 Euroseries 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am London Golf Show 9.00 Spirit Of Golf 9.30 National Volleyball Finals (x2) 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Poker 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Bowls (x2) 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 LIVE Horse Racing 9.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Spirit Of Golf 12.00am Bowls (x2) 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 House (x2) 11.00 FILM: Saving Private Ryan (1998) 2.15am Road Wars 3.05 The Villa 4.00 Bite Size Brainiac 4.20 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who. See highlights 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre Animal ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 12.50am Make My Body Younger 1.45 Kirsten’s Topless Ambition

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Landscape Mysteries 8.00 Michael Wood On Beowulf 9.00 Meet The British 10.00 We Need Answers 10.30 Flight Of The Conchords 11.00 The Armstrong And Miller Show 11.30 Make ‘em Laugh 12.25am Meet The British 1.25 I’ve Never Seen Star Wars (x3)

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Best & Worst 2 9.00 FILM: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) 11.10 FILM: American Pie 2 (2001) 1.05am Britain’s Got More Talent:

11.55am Rising Damp 12.30pm Carry On Laughing 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 Upstairs Downstairs 3.05 The Grand (x2) 5.20 Carry On Laughing 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Kingdom 10.00 Wire In The Blood 12.05am Wycliffe 1.05 The Grand (x2)

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 Big Brother’s Big Quiz 11.05 FILM: Cruel Intentions (1999) 1.00am Scrubs (x2)

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: The Caviar Connection 11.05 True Stories: The Shutka Book Of Records 12.40am Come Dine With Me

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Ghost Hunters

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 Deadliest Catch (x2) 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Most Evil 12.00am Crime Scene Forensics 1.00 Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road

12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Knight Rider 9.00 Dollhouse 10.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) 12.10am FILM: Universal Soldier II: Brothers In Arms (1998) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

10.00am Carousel (1956) 12.15pm Duel In The Sun (1946) 2.30 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 5.00 The Top 10 Show 5.20 Marty (1955) 7.00 Seven Days In May (1964) 9.00 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 10.50 The Collector (1965) 12.50am Alex Zane’s Guest List

9.00am Days Of Glory (2005) 11.10 The Escapist (2001) 12.45pm Across The Universe (2007) 3.00 35mm 3.30 Babel (2006) 5.55 The Serpent (2006) 8.00 Breaking And Entering (2006) 10.00 There Will Be Blood (2007) 12.40am Babel (2006) 3.05 Requiem For A Dream (2000)

11.00am The Dark Corner (1946) 12.55pm In Old California (1942) 2.45 The Million Pound Note (1954) 4.30 Destination Moon (1950) 6.20 The Core (2003) 9.00 Sliding Doors (1998) Gwyneth Paltrow stars in this ‘what if’ romance. 10.55 Hotel Rwanda (2004) 1.15am Grave Of The Fireflies (1988)

1.00pm To Have And Have Not (1944) 3.00 Crossing Delancey (1988) 4.55 Captain Horatio Hornblower (1951) 7.10 Trial By Combat (1976) 9.00 Mad Dog And Glory (1993) 10.55 A Star Is Born (1976) 1.40am Village Of The Damned (1960) 3.00 Arsenic And Old Lace (1944) 5.00 Not With My Wife You Don’t (1966)

5.40pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Hippies 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 Hippies 1.40 Dinnerladies

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40 Scrubs 1.10 Jackass 1.40 Jongleurs Unleashed

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12:31 PM

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wednesday 3 The Apprentice: The Final Five BBC1, 8pm Don’t worry – it’s not the final until next week, you haven’t overslept. But here’s a chance to get a closer look at the last five standing. Parents, colleagues and blasts from the past get their say about these talented business folk, as well as Nick, Margaret and Sir Alan himself.

Dating The Enemy ITV1, 10.35pm This week sees the return of the odd couple dating show, starting on Monday and concluding today with this gem of a set-up. Classic English gent Mike meets up with hippie Susie for four days of dates to see if they have anything at all in common. A love of animals? Appreciation of the countryside? Only time can tell.

Life ITV3, 10pm Series two kicks off of with this hot cop returning – from being wrongfully banged up – back to the force. He knows how both sides of the law think now, you dig? Anyway, Crews and Reese discover three bodies suffocated in the trunks they are found in. What’s worse is that the killer has bought some more trunks. Uh oh.

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6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Beat The Boss 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Wildlife On Two 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Paul Martin is on the trail of top antiques and collectables in the cathedral city of Worcester. 7.00 Keep It In The Family Established in 1830, Austin’s of Derry is the oldest department store in the world. Luke Hasson, the store’s 66year-old owner, is desperate to retire so it’s up to the eldest of his five daughters, 39-year-old Sinead to take over. Is she willing and ready? 8.00 Springwatch Live updates. Tweet, tweet, crunch. 9.00 Kate Adie Returns To Tiananmen Square Kate Adie returns to the scene of one of her most memorable assignments: reporting the massacre of hundreds of civilians in Beijing on 3 and 4 June, 1989. One of the few Western journalists on the streets, she talks to others that were there. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Companion discussion show to The Apprentice, with Adrian Chiles. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 D-Day To Berlin Dramadocumentary series narrated by Sean Bean about the struggle to defeat Hitler’s Third Reich. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips 5.00 The First Black Britons

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 The Milky And Shake Show 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.00 FILM: Columbo: Murder, Smoke And Shadows (1989) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Irene is tempted to continue drinking in prison. Isn’t that against the rules? 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Mean Machines Documentary series examining the most exciting mechanical monsters on the planet. A look at tunnelling machines. 8.00 Oil Riggers Documentary series following life on the oil rigs of west Texas. In the last episode of the series, Justin makes a decision about Derek’s future on the Big Dog rig. 9.00 Extraordinary People: The World’s Strongest Toddler Liam Hoekstra is just like any other happy toddler, with one incredible difference – he has 40 per cent more muscle than the average child his age. Keen to learn more about his incredible abilities, his parents submit him for a series of tests. Don’t make him angry. 10.00 FILM: Hang ‘Em High (1968) Starring Clint Eastwood, Inger Stevens, Ed Begley. Wild West revenge tale in which a cowboy hunts down the vigilantes who tried to hang him after mistaking him for a murderer. Clint Eastwood’s first American-made western after Sergio Leone’s Dollar trilogy. 12.20am PartyPoker.com 1.55 NHRA Drag Racing 3.25 Motorsport Mundial 3.50 NBA Basketball 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Revista De La Liga 12.30pm Spirit Of Golf 1.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket (x2) 9.30 Rugby Union 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Rugby Union 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Poker 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Animal 24:7 Series following the people fighting to protect Britain’s wildlife and pets. 8.00 The Apprentice: The Final Five See highlights. 9.00 The Apprentice Reality series. The five remaining candidates must face a gruelling interview process. There is no hiding place as each of them is grilled by four of Sir Alan’s trusted business colleagues, with every aspect of their personal and professional lives placed under the microscope. It’s a place in the final at stake, so no lying on the CV and definitely no dinosaur impressions. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Gethin Jones is live from Lottery HQ with tempting treats. 10.45 FILM: Devil’s Advocate (1997) Starring Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Charlize Theron, Jeffrey Jones. Occult thriller in which a hotshot young lawyer is recruited by a powerful legal firm, and soon finds himself tempted by a Faustian deal. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: The Incredible Human Journey 2.05 Professor Regan’s... 3.05 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.35 The Unsellables 4.05 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy and Debbie face each other in court to claim custody of Sarah. Dingles forever! 7.30 Coronation Street Joe reaches breaking point. Will Audrey be David’s next victim? A weakened Peter turns to Ken for help. Again? 8.00 The Bill Grace and Will are called out to the scene of an armed robbery at a jewellery shop where a customer has attempted to grab the gun from the assailant and was hurt in the process. Ow. Ow, ow, OW! 9.00 Cops With Cameras More life on the front line with the police. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dating The Enemy See highlights. 11.05 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Robert Patrick and Edward Furlong. Sci-fi sequel. In the future, machines rule the Earth, but people are fighting back. So a supercomputer seeks to destroy humankind by sending a virtually indestructible shape-shifting cyborg back to our time to kill the human resistance leader in his youth. As you do. 1.30am Loose Women 2.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.15 60 Minute Makeover 4.05 Pay Drop Britain: Tonight 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Before departing, Justin goes to the graveyard to say goodbye to Mel and Sophie, and then leaves without Hannah. So much tragedy for one so young and hunky. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall celebrates the best food that spring and summer have to offer. In this episode, Hugh attempts to change public opinion about veal by visiting a local farm that produces welfare-friendly animals. 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies Among the patients this week is a newlywed who doesn’t enjoy sex, a man with a rotting armpit and a rock musician with dental problems. Ugh. 10.00 Desperate Housewives Susan and MJ’s lives are in grave danger from Dave and Gaby’s niece moves to Wisteria Lane. La di da. 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Quiz To celebrate BB’s 10th year, and to mark the launch of the new series Davina hosts a one-off comedy quiz show. 12.05am 4 Music: Lady GaGa Video Exclusive 12.15 Gaymers Grassroots Gigs: Maccabees 12.30 Dirty Sexy Money 1.30 Kimberley: Young Mum Ten Years On 2.30 3 Minute Wonder 2.35 Squirrel Wars: Red Vs Grey 3.05 The Closer 3.50 Big Art 4.50 City Escape 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Cubeez 5.50 The Hoobs

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Poker 11.00 Spirit Of Golf 11.30 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 12.30pm Poker 2.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 3.00 Spirit Of Golf 3.30 Poker 5.00 Total Rugby 5.30 LIVE Rugby Union 8.30 Total Rugby 9.00 European Tour Weekly 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am Rugby Union 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.00am Formula 3 Euroseries 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Mountain Bike World 1.30 360 Series 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Mountain Bike World 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 World Tenpin Masters 11.00 Max Power 12.00am European Volleyball League 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Close

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12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 Tru Calling 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 FILM: Saving Private Ryan (1998) 12.15am Road Wars (x2) 2.15 Street Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 FILM: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.20 The Real Hustle On Holiday 11.50 Make My Body Younger 12.45am Katie Price: The Jordan Years 1.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday 2.15 Bizarre Animal ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Masterpieces Of The British Museum 8.00 How The Celts Saved Britain 9.00 Feasts 10.00 Meet The British 11.00 Jerusalem: An Anthem For England 11.50 Feasts 12.50am How The Celts Saved Britain 1.50 Batman (x2) 2.40 Mad Men (x2) 5.30 Close

5.15pm Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Best & Worst 3 10.00 FILM: American Pie: The Wedding (2003) 12.00am Coronation Street 12.30 Britain’s Got More Talent: Best & Worst 3 1.30 Teleshopping

12.30pm Carry On Laughing 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.05 The Grand (x2) 5.25 Carry On Laughing 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life. See highlights. 11.00 FILM: Air America (1990) 1.15am Upstairs, Downstairs

12.50pm Scrubs (x2) 1.45 Smallville 2.35 One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Ghostbusters (1984) 11.00 A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila 11.50 Scrubs (x2) 12.50am My Name Is Earl 1.20 Kevin Hill

6.05pm Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Never Did Me Any Harm 10.00 Born To Be Different: Turning Eight 11.05 Dispatches: Orphans Of Burma’s Cyclone 12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 1.10 Never Did Me Any Harm

2.00pm 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties 3.00 Men In Trees 3.55 The Next Best Thing

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Top 20 Ultimate Discovery 10.00 Real Superhumans 12.00am Crime Scene Forensics 1.00 Crime Scene USA: (x2) 2.00 Solved

2.00pm Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Fire Serpent (2007) 9.50 FILM: War Wolves (2009) 12.00am FILM: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium

1.15pm Charade (1963) 3.15 Here Come The Waves (1944) 5.00 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 6.50 Daddy Long Legs (1955) 9.00 The Seven Year Itch (1955) 10.50 Charade (1963) 12.50am The Blob (1958) 2.25 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

12.30pm Notes On A Scandal (2006) 2.15 35mm 2.45 The Savages (2007) 4.45 Bottle Rocket (1996) 6.30 The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 8.30 For Your Consideration (2006) 10.00 Notes On A Scandal (2006) 11.35 The Savages (2007) 1.30am Hana-Bi (1997)

11.00am Contraband (1940) 12.50pm The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 2.40 Do Not Disturb (1965) 4.45 The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) 7.15 The Honeymooners (2005) 9.00 Phone Booth (2002) Colin Farrell gets stuck in a phone box by a nasty sniper. 10.35 Gangs Of New York (2002)1.50am Strictly Sinatra (2000)

10.15am Classic Shorts 08 10.35 Not With My Wife You Don’t (1966) 1.00pm On The Town (1949) 3.00 Five Days One Summer (1983) 5.00 Crooks And Coronets (1969) 7.10 Elvis: That’s The Way It Is () 9.00 Possession (2002) 11.00 Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962) 1.20am Possession (2002) 3.05 The Asphalt Jungle (1950)

5.40pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Murder Most Horrid 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 Murder Most Horrid

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Celebrity Death Match 1.10 Jackass

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5/27/09

5:41 PM

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thursday 4 A World Of Pain: Meera Syal On Self-Harm BBC2, 9pm Self-harm is a growing concern in Britain, with estimates saying that two teenagers in every classroom will have been driven to self-harm by depression or anxiety. Meera Syal talks to young people to find out why this happens, and parents to discuss how they can stop it.

Big Brother Launch Show Channel 4, 9pm They’re he-ere! It really is that time again and just to prove it Davina McCall is ushering in this year’s housemates with the usual intros of audition vids, further interviews and outrageous outfits. With rumours abounding of all-male housemates, all under-25s and two houses anything could happen.

Big Brother’s Big Mouth E4, 10.30pm It’s the first night in the house and you can bet they’ll all still be screaming at each other. Which is why it’s a good thing that this Big Mouth has Davina McCall’s capable hands at the wheel, talking to celebrity guests and instigating heated debate. Call in and join in if you fancy it. Please do not swear.

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6.00 – 9.25am Children’s television 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Telling Stories 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Animal 24:7 2.15 Car Booty 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Paul Martin and the team are in Norwich, where experts Mark Stacey and Philip Serrell are giving valuations. 7.00 Coast On the trip from Dover to Exmouth, Nicholas Crane investigates the once secret constructions at the front line of Britain’s air defences. 8.00 Springwatch The marathon live wildlife event continues with up to the minute reports on all the animal stars. Have any of Kate Humble and Chris Packham’s chicks flown the nest? How are Gordon Buchanan’s badgers? There are more details on how to help your local wildlife by joining in the Springwatch Dirty Weekend with BBC Breathing Places. 9.00 A World Of Pain: Meera Syal On Self-Harm See highlights. 10.00 Room 101 Sir Alan Sugar suggests schmoozers and men who wear wigs. Hints for those applying for next year’s Apprentice. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 The Apprentice The five remaining candidates must face a gruelling interview process. Repeat of Wednesday’s show. 12.20am The Apprentice: You’re Fired 1.00 BBC News 4.00 The Designed World 5.00 Further Education: Skills For Life In Context

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Underdogs 10.50 Designers Under Pressure 11.10 The Spartans 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.30 FILM: The Fighting Kentuckian (1949) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: Melanie Darrow (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Election day arrives for both Pollard and David. Funny that – both of them getting election day at the same time. 7.30 Countrywise Paul and Rachel continue their journey across Britain. 8.00 The Bill With suspected murderer Justin Reed in a coma after the accident, Heaton warns Neil that Max and Stevie will be subject to a rigorous enquiry. Stevie is convinced that Justin is innocent but Max is sure that he is guilty. Well, one of them’s got to be wrong. It’s not like a subjective philosophy debate. Like. 9.00 Taggart Preparations are underway for a new museum in the former mining community of Garsden. The museum will be on the site of a long disused coal mine, closed 25 years before, but when the shaft is opened up, two skeletons are found. Cripes. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Jarhead (2005) Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard, Jamie Foxx. Gritty Gulf War drama based on a former US Marine’s bestselling memoir about his experiences in Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. 12.45am British Superbike Championship Highlights 1.35 Motorsport UK 2.25 Crossing Jordan 3.15 Loose Women 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Carmel and Calvin make a pact to face up to what they have done and tell their loved ones the truth. There’s a novelty. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Home Show Architect George Clarke helps homeowners fall back in love with their houses. George transforms a colour-blind man’s bright-pink bedroom into a swanky bachelor pad. Plus, a builder’s guide to avoiding cowboys, and interior design secrets for lounges. 9.00 Big Brother Launch Show See highlights. 10.35 Peter Kay: Raider Of The Pop Charts: Part Two The concluding look at how Peter Kay has succeeded in the pop charts with the help of a few famous friends. A look at the making of the video to Kay’s Comic Relief song, ‘I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)’, which featured David Tennant, Basil Brush and the Krankies. 11.40 Big Brother: A Decade In The Headlines Ten years after the launch of BB, Grace Dent looks at the impact of the reality show that has become a worldwide brand. 12.45am 4 Music: JD Set Presents: Little Boots 1.00 Dubplate 1.30 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 2.30 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Big Art 5.05 Countdown 5.45 Making It

6.00 Home And Away Angelo’s vendetta against Hugo escalates. Martha struggles to deal with her hatred of Angelo. Why can’t everyone just get along? 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Michaela is in San Diego helping a team of vets as they examine an injured tiger. Cool. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency A Royal Navy rescue team rushes to the aid of an unconscious woman on Ben Nevis. Strange place for a nap. 8.00 Paul Merton In India Paul meets a group of dancing policemen in the Punjab and falls in with a gang of racketeering eunuchs. 9.00 The Mentalist Drama series following the work of an investigator who uses his razor-sharp skills of observation to solve crimes. A convicted murderer convinces Jane to re-open his case and prove him innocent in exchange for information on Red John. Buttons pushed. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. The brutal rape and murder of an FBI informant leads Stabler to Prague on the trail of a kidnapped girl. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Detective Goren matches wits and moves with a paranoid but murderous chess grandmaster. 12.00am Quiz Call 1.00 NBA Basketball 1.30 NBA: The Finals 2009

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Celtic Manor Wales Open 1.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.30 Rugby Union 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Celtic Manor Wales Open 6.00 Ocean Adventures 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: UK Open Darts 11.00 Time Of Our Lives 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders The Square struggles to cope with the aftermath of Nick’s destructive exit. He’s a one. 8.00 Traffic Cops Documentary. There is trouble in store for the traffic cops after a routine ‘no seatbelt’ stop in a car park turns nasty. 9.00 Calendar Girls: 10 Years On Documentary. Ten years after they first took their clothes off and took the world by storm, six of the original WI Calendar Girls are preparing to strip for the final time. This is the inside story of the real Calendar Girls, from the first shoot to the last. Maybe a batch of nice scones for the photographic crew? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Question Time is in Croydon, with a panel including the former Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown and former GMTV presenter Fiona Phillips. David Dimbleby chairs. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott. Lovely! 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Countryfile 1.55 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 2.25 The Unsellables 2.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 Live World Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Rugby Union 12.30pm Total Rugby 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 4.00 Total Rugby 4.30 Rugby Union 6.00 The Dogs 6.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.00 LIVE Twenty20 Cup Cricket 10.30 Golf Night 12.30am NFL – Total Access 1.30 Darts 5.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly

Sky Sports 3 8.00am European Volleyball League 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 World Tenpin Masters 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Watersports World 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 World Tenpin Masters 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 UAE Motor Racing Championship 7.00 Powerboating 7.30 LIVE Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup 2.30 Powerboating 3.00 UAE Motor Racing Championship 4.00 Close

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12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Shear Genius 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones 12.00am Law And Order 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 The Villa 2.45 Airline

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 9.00 How To Rob A Bank 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Ideal 12.20am How To Rob A Bank 1.20 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.50 Bizarre Animal ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.40 The New Avengers 8.30 Masterpieces Of The British Museum 9.00 Sir Gawain And The Green Knight 10.00 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 10.30 Feasts 11.30 Sir Gawain And The Green Knight 12.30am The Genius And The Boys: Storyville 1.50 Feasts

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 8.00 America’s Got Talent 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 America’s Got Talent 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am Entourage (x2) 1.05 America’s Got Talent 2.50 Teleshopping

11.50amCarry On Laughing 12.20pm Heartbeat 1.25 Upstairs, Downstairs 2.25 The Grand (x2) 4.45 Monarch Of The Glen 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Beyond A Joke 10.00 Trial And Retribution 4 12.10am Numb3rs 1.10 Kavanagh QC

2.35pm One Tree Hill 3.30 Gilmore Girls 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Big Brother’s Big Mouth. See highlights. 11.35 Big Brother: Live (x2)

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 River Cottage 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am River Cottage 1.00 Brothers And Sisters

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 Sharks: Are They Hunting Us? 9.00 American Loggers 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Most Evil 12.00am Crime Scene Forensics 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 2.00 Solved

12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Hell’s Rain (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Raging Sharks (2005) 10.00 Dollhouse 11.00 Knight Rider 12.00am FILM: Larva (2004) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun 2.30 3rd Rock From The Sun 3.00 Medium

1.45pm A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) 4.00 The Top 10 Show 4.20 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 6.30 Sweet Charity (1969) 9.00 A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) 11.10 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 12.50am The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 3.00 Cape Fear (1962)

11.40am Hollywood Bombs & Blockbusters 1.05pm Sicko (2007) 3.15 The Counterfeiters (2007) 5.00 The Lives Of Others (2006) 7.20 Almost Famous (2000) 10.00 Girlfight (2000) 11.55 Youth Without Youth (2007) 2.00am Bringing Out The Dead (1999) 4.05 Hollywood Bombs & Blockbusters

11.00am Fanny By Gaslight (1944) 1.10pm The Gentle Sex (1943) 3.00 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 4.45 The Last Wagon (1956) 6.40 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) 9.00 Alive (1992) 11.25 The Machinist (2004) 1.25am Velvet Goldmine (1998) Ewan McGregor and Jonathan Rhys Meyer look lovely.

10.20am Offset: Michael Caine 10.55 Go West (1940) 12.30pm The Screening Room 1.00 Forbidden Planet (1956) 3.00 The Five Pennies (1959) 5.15 The Golden Arrow (1936) 6.40 The Frisco Kid (1979) 9.00 Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974) 11.10 Forget Paris (1995) 1.15am Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974)

7.00pm My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Jam And Jerusalem 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 FILM: Cops And Robbersons (1994) 2.45 The Dick Emery Show

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5/28/09

10:32 AM

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friday 5 Mastermind BBC2, 7.30pm There’s a place in the final hanging in the balance and each of John Humphrey’s four contestants are prepared to be fierce to get it. Topics are brilliantly: Doctor Who in the 1970s, Billy Bragg, John F Kennedy and the Montalbano novels of Andrea Camilleri. The black chair beckons.

Law And Order: Criminal Intent Five, 10pm This smart crime drama that looks into the minds of criminals not only has the delectable Vincent D’Onofrio this week, but the criminal mind he’s mega empathising with is attached to none other than the stunning Ms Brooke Shields. What’s she done wrong now?

Being Human BBC3, 10.30pm Another chance to catch the hugely popular flatshare drama about a ghost, a vampire and a werewolf cohabiting in Bristol before series two comes out. Mitchell’s having a bit of a problem with his cold turkey on blood, and George has lost his safe haven for transforming. Meanwhile, Annie has issues.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Unsellables 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Car Booty 1.00 BBC News At One 1.25 Regional News And Weather 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Local Elections 09 2.10 Doctors 2.40 Bargain Hunt 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.40 Martha Speaks 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Animals At Work 4.30 Trapped 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.40am Children’s television 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Class Clips 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Racing From Epsom 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Paul Martin and the team are in Georgian Cheltenham. 7.00 Derby Day Preview So who will win the world’s greatest flat race - The Investec Derby? Clare Balding and Willie Carson look ahead to tomorrow’s famous race. 7.30 Mastermind See highlights. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Toby Buckland is planting out the annual plug plants which have been grownon and hardened off, ready for a summer of dazzling vibrant colour. 9.00 My Life In Verse: Robert Webb Robert goes on a journey to find out more about the poem The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock and the poet who captured his imagination at a young age, TS Eliot. 10.00 Britain’s Best Drives Actor Richard Wilson takes a journey into the past, following routes raved about in motoring guides of 50 years ago. Using an Austin Cambridge to explore an area that claims to be the birthplace of British tourism. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme with Kirsty Wark. 11.35 Cricket: Twenty20 World Cup 2009 Highlights of the opening day of the Twenty 20 World Cup. 12.35am Medium (x2) 2.00 FILM: American Movie (1999)

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Big Brother Launch Show 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Drugs: The Lowdown On Getting High 10.50 Designers Under Pressure 11.10 Einstein’s Brain 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Checking Into History 12.55 The City Gardener 1.25 FILM: Operation Amsterdam (1959) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Celtic Manor Wales Open 1.00pm Barclays Premier League World 1.30 Trans World Sport 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Celtic Manor Wales Open 4.30 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Friday Fight Night Live 11.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.30am Friday Fight Night 3.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Debbie worries about how Sarah will cope without Andy. Bit late now. 7.30 Coronation Street Betty discovers she is facing the sack. Wot no hotpot?! Say it ain’t so! 8.00 Mediterranean Nightmares: Tonight Mike Nicholson investigates whether a European Court of Justice ruling could lead to thousands of British home owners in Cyprus being forced to demolish their houses. 8.30 Coronation Street Will Peter seek the support he needs? Unlikely. 9.00 Doc Martin Martin Clunes returns in a new series of the rustic drama. Alison Lane approaches the Doc over worries about her daughter, Delph’s behaviour, and whilst initially refusing to treat the girl, Martin is forced to revise his opinion about the causes of Delph’s hyperactivity when the girl goes through a shop window. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) Starring Clint Eastwood, Chief George. Classic western about a peaceful farmer whose life is destroyed when Union Army renegades burn his homestead and murder his wife and child. 1.05am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 2.00 FILM: Plain Truth (2004) 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Calvin is weighed down with guilt and finds it hard to cope with Spencer. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Colin and Sian Harwick are searching for a family home. With £1million to spend (insert pinkie to corner of mouth a la Dr Evil), Johnnie shows them what they could afford in Cornwall, while Jasmine stretches their budget in Herault, France. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the first 24 hours in the Big Brother house. Have you got a favourite yet? Who do you hate? Who’s snogged? 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. 10.35 The Simpsons A trio of terrifying tales. . 11.05 The Simpsons Homer goes to a rock ‘n’ roll holiday camp. 11.35 FILM: Dangerous Minds (1995) Starring Michelle Pfeiffer, George Dzundza, Courtney Vance. Drama about an inner-city school teacher who finds herself with a class of rebellious students written off as no-hopers by the other staff. 1.30am No Angels 2.30 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Dispatches: Orphans Of Burma’s Cyclone 4.55 Small Railway Journeys 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Inuk

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.42 Milkshake! Show Songs 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.45pm Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Mom At Sixteen (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Liam pulls a sting to win Belle’s heart. Stings usually hurt, don’t they? Bad plan. 6.30 Animal Rescue Squad Wildlife series with Michaela Strachan and Matt Baker. A black leopard goes on a road trip. New twist on The Littlest Hobo? 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Top Trumps: Super Ships Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines. 8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. Innit? 9.00 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. The team goes on the trail of a missing Navy lieutenant after her bloodied car is found abandoned. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent See highlights. 11.00 Numb3rs Detective drama series about a maths genius recruited by the FBI to solve complex criminal cases. Former FBI agent Roger Bloom is in the frame for a series of copycat burglaries. But is everything as it seems? Elsewhere, Amita and Charlie are targeted in a shocking crime. Ow! 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz. 8.00 EastEnders Bradley is reunited with Dot. Ahh. She does have some nice family members, even if they’re only by marriage. 8.30 The Apprentice: Why I Fired Them With just days to go before Sir Alan Sugar chooses his apprentice, a chance to remember the candidates who didn’t quite make it. 9.30 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Featuring an exclusive interview with Dustin Hoffman, enigmatic bad boy Eric Cantona, and the triumphant return of The Gossip. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw The Euromillions results from Lottery HQ. 11.40 FILM: The Terminator (1984) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Michael Biehn. Classic sci-fi action thriller about a time-travelling robotic assassin. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: 10 Things You Need To Know About Losing Weight 2.25 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 2.55 The Unsellables 3.25 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Darts 11.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 11.30 Race World 12.30pm Twenty20 Cup Cricket 2.30 Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup 4.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Ocean Adventures 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 LIVE Darts 11.00 Golf Night 1.00am Super League 3.00 Ocean Adventures 3.30 Volvo Ocean Race 4.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.30am The Dogs 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 The Premier League Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Darts 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Darts 5.00 Tight Lines

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Total Wipeout 9.05 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Being Human. See highlights. 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Coming Of Age 12.50 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.50 Ideal 2.20 Bizarre Animal ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 In Search Of England’s Green And Pleasant Land 8.00 Mendelssohn In Britain 9.00 Keep On Running: 50 Years Of Island Records 10.30 Island At The BBC 11.30 Flight Of The Conchords 12.00am We Need Answers 12.30 Keep On Running: 50 Years Of Island Records

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 Judge Judy 5.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 6.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Best & Worst 3 (x3) 9.00 America’s Got Talent 11.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 12.00am Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 America’s Got Talent

12.20pm Heartbeat 1.20 Upstairs, Downstairs 2.25 The Grand (x2) 4.45 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: Air America (1990) 12.15am Cadfael 1.40 The Grand (x2) 3.30 Film File 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus

12.10pm Gilmore Girls 1.00 Big Brother Launch Show 2.35 Friends 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (X2) 9.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix 10.05 Celebrity Wife Swap 11.05 Big Brother: Live (x2)

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: The Sum Of All Fears (2002) 11.20 The Perfect Penis 12.25am FILM: The Sum Of All Fears (2002) 2.45 The Perfect Penis

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds 3.00 Men In Trees

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

4.00pm Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 Shark Rebellion 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Showdown: Air Combat 11.00 Most Evil 12.00am Crime Scene Forensics 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 2.00 Solved 3.00 Time Team

12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 FILM: Mystery Of The Crystal Skulls (2008) 3.00 FILM: Cheating Fate (2007) 5.00 Joe 90 5.30 Joe 90 6.00 Stingray 6.30 Stingray 7.00 Thunderbirds 8.00 FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 9.50 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 11.40 FILM: Cape Fear (1991) 2.10am 3rd Rock From The Sun

12.55pm Splendor In The Grass (1961) 3.05 Alex Zane’s Guest List 3.35 Road To Bali (1952) 5.25 Detective Story (1951) 7.10 Attack! (1956) 9.00 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 10.35 Splendor In The Grass (1961) 12.45am Frenzy (1972) 2.45 Kiss Of The Vampire (1963)

9.00am Babel (2006) 11.25 A Mighty Heart (2007) 1.15pm Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 3.15 Away From Her (2006) 5.15 Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 7.05 Alex Zane’s Guest List 7.35 Babel (2006) 10.00 American History X (1998) 12.05am Magnolia (1999) 3.25 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006)

11.00am In Old California (1942) 12.45pm Flame Of The Barbary Coast (1945) 2.35 There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) Ethel Merman sings it like it is. 4.50 The Lost World (1960) 6.45 Unconditional Love (2002) 9.00 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) 11.00 The Hole (2001) 12.55am Election (2005)

10.15am Anchors Aweigh (1945) 1.00pm Adam’s Rib (1949) 3.00 Goodbye Mr Chips (1969) 5.50 Mark Of The Vampire (1935) 7.00 My Giant (1998) 9.00 Before Sunrise (1995) 10.55 Bloodbrothers (1978) 1.15am Before Sunrise (1995) 3.00 Pride And Prejudice (1940) 5.00 The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948)

4.20pm The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Jonathan Creek 10.50 The Likely Lads 11.25 The Royle Family 12.05am FILM: Cops And Robbersons (1994) 1.55 New Adventures Of Old Christine

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 FILM: South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 1.00am The Sarah Silverman Programme

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5/28/09

5:21 PM

Page 1

saturday 6 Robin Hood BBC1, 6.45pm Everybody sing! It’s rev-el-ation time, it’s rev-el-ation time! A mysterious figure pops up and forces Robin and Gisborne to hear a story about their past, the truth about their parents and – you guessed it – a revelation. Only then will the stranger show his face, leaving our good and bad boys shocked to the core.

Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow BBC1, 9.30pm The floppy-haired one that isn’t Hugh Grant, flounces around the stage, delivering gags that deserve to have you hold your sides in mirth in this first in a series of roadshows from around the UK. Tonight’s guests are Rhod Gilbert, Kevin Bridges, Stewart Francis and Mark Watson. He he.

America’s Got Talent ITV2, 3.40pm & 5.35pm Just in case you need a little bit more of ‘ordinary folk’ showing off their extraordinary versatility here’s a double whammy dose from across the pond. With our regular pithy judge Piers Morgan joined by US representatives Sharon Osborne and David Hasselhoff, they alone could fill up an hour with tomfoolery. Fun.

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.30 Saturday Kitchen 11.00 BBC News 11.10 Formula 1: The Turkish Grand Prix 1.15pm The Investec Derby 4.20 D-Day 65: The Veterans Return

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Funky Fables 7.15 Eliot Kid 7.30 Dinosapien 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 10.00 Transmission Impossible With Ed And Oucho 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Sound 12.35 Class Of 2008 - Graduated 1.10 Class Of 2008 - Graduated 1.40 Revealed 2.00 Tennis: French Open – Ladies’ Final 4.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009: The Week Ahead 5.00 Empire Of Cricket 6.00 Off By Heart Off By Heart follows primary school children from across the country as they take part in a national poetry recitation competition – the first of its kind. Brownie Guide Promise doesn’t count. 7.30 Planet Earth David Attenborough’s natural history series. Tropical rainforests cover just three per cent of our planet yet are home to a staggering 50 per cent of the world’s species. Travelling through this enchanted world we uncover the amazing strategies the inhabitants adopt in order to survive. 8.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You The news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 9.45 Arena: TS Eliot For the first time on television, Arena tells the whole story of the life and work of TS Eliot including the happiness he found in the last years of life in his second marriage. His widow Valerie Eliot has opened her personal archive, hitherto unseen, including the private scrapbooks and albums in which Eliot assiduously recorded their life together. 11.15 Cricket: World Twenty20 2009 – Highlights Cricket: World Twenty20 2009 - Highlights. 12.15am FILM: Overlord (1975) 1.35 FILM: Dr Terror’s House Of Horrors (1964) 3.10 Inside F1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.10 Quincy, ME 11.10 FILM: Kojak: The Marcus Nelson Murders (1973) 1.55pm ITV News And Weather 2.00 FILM: Beethoven (1992) 3.35 FILM: Twins (1988) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.25 Friends 9.55 One Tree Hill 10.55 Kasabian: Live T4 Special 11.25 Big Brother 12.30pm Being 1.00 Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 3.30 The TV Show 4.00 The Coach Trip 4.30 Coach Trip 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Coach Trip

6.00 – 7.05am Children’s television 7.05 Franklin 7.30 Hana’s Helpline 7.45 Olivia 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.15 Animal Families 8.30 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 Fifth Gear 10.45 The Gadget Show Summer Special 11.45 Oil Riggers 12.45pm D-Day: The Ultimate Conflict 2.50 FILM: The Black Hole (1979) 4.35 FILM: The Next Karate Kid (1994) 6.35 Five News 6.45 FILM: Return Of The Magnificent Seven (1966) Starring Yul Brynner, Robert Fuller, Julian Mateos, Warren Oates. A band of gunslingers sets out to rescue Mexican peasant farmers from a tyrannical rancher in this sequel to the classic western. Bless ‘em! 8.30 NCIS Drama following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to the Navy. The team is called to investigate a marine’s wife, who has killed an intruder who tried to rape her. 9.30 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. An exclusive jewellery auction is interrupted when the appraiser is brutally murdered. The investigation takes an emotional turn when the CSIs discover events that took place during the Holocaust could provide the key to solving the case. 10.30 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers. The murders of an infamous porn actress and a maverick publisher plunge Fontana and his temporary partner Falco into a sensational case. 11.30 Crime Scene Academy Documentary following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass. 12.00am Quiz Call 3.30 NHL Stanley Cup 2009 4.30 The Gadget Show 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 8.30 Cricket AM 9.55 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 1.30pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.30 Live Super League 7.55 LIVE International Football 10.00 LIVE International Football 12.00am LIVE International Football 2.00 Rugby Union 4.00 World Twenty20 Cricket

6.00 BBC News 6.10 South East Today 6.15 Outtake TV Anne Robinson presents amusing outtakes from TV shows. Oh, how we chortled. 6.45 Robin Hood See highlights. 7.30 Totally Saturday Live entertainment show, hosted by Graham Norton, where viewers’ prize possessions become the stars of the show. Plus each show sees two families battling head-to-head to win a holiday of a lifetime, and one lucky viewer has a shot at winning big in The Hamster Run. Sounds like a show from the makers of The Running Man. 8.30 The National Lottery Draws Close your eyes and wish real hard... 8.40 Casualty A look into a kaleidoscope of a typical paramedics’ shift as the teams attend shouts around Holby. Jeff is forced to confront the end of his marriage, and Polly is thrown in at the deep end. 9.30 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow See highlights. 10.15 BBC News 10.35 FILM: Signs (2001) Starring Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin, Abigail Breslin. Supernatural sci-fi thriller in which a former preacher’s discovery of mysterious crop circles on his farmland sets in motion a sequence of bizarre events. 12.15am Derby Day Highlights 12.45 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 1.45 Weatherview 1.50 News

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents funny home videos. 6.30 Athletes Do The Funniest Things Stephen Mulhern presents, trying to be Harry Hill with a javelin. 7.30 Primeval Sarah and Becker investigate when the anomaly at Johnson’s headquarters re-opens. Meanwhile the rest of the team attempt to stop Helen at all costs, enduring a harrowing journey through time via several anomalies. Jet lag? 8.30 All Star Mr & Mrs Today sees Jimmy and Michelle Osmond, EastEnders actress Rita Simons and her husband Theo, and snooker legend Willie Thorne and his wife Jill battling it out to win £30,000 for their chosen charities. Fights ahoy. 9.30 Mumbai Calling Sitcom set in a call centre in India. Kenny is launching a new services for drivers in the UK. 10.00 World Cup Qualifier Highlights: Kazakhstan V England Steve Rider presents highlights of England’s World Cup qualifier against Kazakhstan. 11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 FILM: Blue Velvet (1986) Starring Kyle MacLachlan, Isabella Rossellini, Dennis Hopper. Disturbing tale of paranoia, extreme violence and deviant sex in suburban America. 1.35am Six Degrees 2.20 FILM: Kaleidoscope (1966) 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 Coach Trip Reality series in which a group of tourists undertake a six-week coach trip across Europe. Seven couples battle it out to remain on the coach for as long as they can and as one pair are voted off, another joins. The coach heads through Switzerland to Liechtenstein, Austria and Germany. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor Former Special Forces adventurer Bear Grylls demonstrates how to survive in the world’s most extreme environments. Bear’s adventures take him to Yukon: one of the remotest and coldest places in North America. 8.00 ER Final series of the American drama series set in the emergency room of Chicago’s busy General Hospital. The department responds to an ambulance explosion which leaves one of their own seriously injured. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 10.00 Bill Bailey: Tinselworm A performance by the acclaimed comedian filmed at Wembley Arena at the end of his sold-out UK tour. 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Quiz To celebrate Big Brother’s 10th year Davina McCall hosts a very special one-off comedy quiz show. 12.10am 4 Music: O2 Wireless Festival 2008 1.40 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Afterworld 4.30 Scrapheap Challenge 5.25 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Ocean Adventures 6.30 Darts: UK Open Darts 10.30 LIVE International Rugby Union 12.30pm Gillette World Sport 1.00 Volvo Ocean Race 1.30 LIVE Rugby Union 4.00 LIVE International Rugby Union 6.00 Rugby Union 8.00 International Rugby Union 9.00 LIVE Rugby Union 11.00 LIVE Rugby Union 1.30am Darts: UK Open Darts 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Super League 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 LIVE Darts: UK Open Darts 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 NFL: Total Access 3.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 Sports Unlimited 5.30 Ocean Adventures

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

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More4

Living

12.05pm Oops TV 12.30 Oops TV 1.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Boyzone Live 3.00 Gladiators G Zone 3.15 FILM: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2002) 5.00 American Gladiators 6.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Lie To Me (x3) 12.00am Road Wars (2) 1.55 The Villa

7.00pm Football Gaffes Galore 7.30 LIVE: Match Of The Day Live: Italy V Northern Ireland 9.45 FILM: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life (2003) 11.35 Live At The Apollo 12.20am Family Guy 12.40 American Dad! 1.05 Bizarre Animal ER 1.35 Football Gaffes Galore 2.05 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways

7.00pm D-Day 65 7.15 News 44: D-Day 7.30 DDay 65 7.45 D-Day: Turning The Tide 8.35 D-Day 65 8.50 D-Day: Secret Maps 9.20 D-Day 65 9.35 D-Day To Berlin: Newsnight Special 10.35 Keep On Running: 50 Years Of Island Records 12.05am Island At The BBC 1.05 Terry Jones’s Barbarians

1.40pm Britain’s Got More Talent: Best & Worst (x2) 3.40 America’s Got Talent (x2). See highlights. 7.30 Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 8.30 FILM: Jurassic Park (1993) 10.55 FILM: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) 1.05am Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 2.05 The Ricki Lake Show

11.50am PD James: Devices And Desires 12.55pm The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 2.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.05 Hornblower 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Inspector Morse 7.55 Wycliffe 9.00 Taggart 10.35 Cracker 11.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Going Wrong 12.45am Upstairs, Downstairs (x2)

9.20am Shipwrecked 2008: Battle Of The Islands 10.55 Dark Angel (x2) 12.45pm Roswell 1.35 Roswell 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Never Been Kissed (1999) 11.05 Big Brother: Live 12.00am Big Brother: Live

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 10.35 Time Team (x4) 2.40pm FILM: Please Sir! (1971) 4.35 Grand Designs (x5) 10.00 The First Emperor 12.10am The West Wing 1.10 The First Emperor 3.20 Close

10.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 3.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 FILM: Beetlejuice (1988) 10.50 The Fix 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Unsolved History 3.00 Forensic Detectives (x2) 5.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 6.00 Shark Attack Rescuers 7.00 Bear Grylls 8.00 American Loggers 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Crimes That Shook The World 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 2.00 Solved

12.00pm FILM: It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955) 2.00 Joe 90 (x2) 3.00 Stingray (x2) 4.00 Thunderbirds 5.00 Knight Rider 6.00 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 8.00 FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 9.40 FILM: The People Under The Stairs (1991) 11.40 FILM: Godsend (2004) 2.00am Haunted Homes 3.00 Joe 90 (x2)

8.10am The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 10.50 The Longest Day (1962) 1.50pm The Purple Heart (1944) 3.35 The Movie Geek 4.05 Twelve O’Clock High (1949) 6.20 The Guns Of Navarone (1961) 9.00 Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 10.40 The Longest Day (1962) 1.40am Twelve O’Clock High (1949)

9.00am Earth (1998) 10.50 Waitress (2007) 12.50pm Factory Girl (2006) 2.40 Sunshine (2007) 4.30 The Commitments (1991) 6.30 Detroit Rock City (1999) 8.10 Waitress (2007) 10.00 Sunshine (2007) 11.50 Factory Girl (2006) 1.35am Detroit Rock City (1999) 3.25 The Commitments (1991)

11.00am Destination Moon (1950) 1.00pm The Honeymooners (2005) 2.45 The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) 4.35 Barefoot In The Park (1967) 6.50 Holy Man (1998) 9.00 Phone Booth (2002) 10.35 A History Of Violence (2005) 12.25am Office Space (1999) 2.10 Grave Of The Fireflies (1988)

8.10am A Day At The Races (1937) 10.25 The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948) 1.00pm Seven Brides For Seven Brothers (1954) 3.00 Jack Frost (1998) 5.00 Meet Me In St Louis (1944) 7.10 To Trap A Spy (1966) 9.00 The Big Red One (1980) 11.05 The Hunger (1983) 1.00am The Big Red One (1980)

8.15am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 9.30 Only Fools And Horses (x14) 9.00pm Jonathan Creek 10.10 FILM: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 11.45 French And Saunders 12.25am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 1.45 Close Up 1.55 The Dick Emery Show 2.05 The New Statesman (x2)

3.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 4.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 Scrubs (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans Live From The West End 10.30 FILM: The Wedding Singer (1998) 12.20am Everybody Loves Raymond (x2)

Classics

Indie

040_LS426_TV_sun

5/29/09

11:12 AM

Page 1

sunday 7 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: The Last Show Before The Recovery Channel 4, 7pm Never ones to go with the general current – as demonstrated with the title of the show – the cutting satirists are back with their own take on how well the current government is doing. Expect more than a hearty dollop of financial wit tonight.

The Apprentice BBC1, 9pm IT’S THE FINAL! After eleven weeks of interviews, tasks, boardroom meetings and close shaves there are only two candidates left standing for the very last trial. Both have to create and brand a new box of chocolates with original flavours and launch it to industry experts. Who’s tasty? Sir Alan decides.

90210 E4, 6pm Ah, the beautiful unstable people are still proving to be quite captivating as everyone’s still talking about Silver. Donna’s thinking about going to live in Japan with David, and Adrianna and Navid meet some people who want to adopt the baby. Nice people? Not like Liam, who’s still a bad influence on Ethan. Sigh.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm Formula 1: The Turkish Grand Prix 3.20 EastEnders 5.15 Points Of View 5.30 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Dinosapien 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 8.57 The Owl 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Rachel’s Favourite Food For Living 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Tennis: French Open – Men’s Final

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.40 ITV News And Weather 11.45 Wish You Were Here – Now And Then 12.20pm Dream Homes 1.20 Dickinson’s Real Deal 2.20 FILM: Columbo: The Bye-Bye Sky High IQ Murder Case (1977) 3.50 The World’s Got Talent 4.50 FILM: Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach (1988)

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 World Superbikes 7.30 Freesports On 4 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Friends 9.30 Big Brother 10.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 1.00pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 2.05 The Big Bang Theory 2.40 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.40 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Supernanny US

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Animal Families 8.30 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Build A New Life In The Country 12.00pm Helicopter Warfare 1.00 Mean Machines 1.30 FILM: The Captive Heart (1946) 3.35 FILM: Battle Of The V1 (1960) 5.40 FILM: Cats And Dogs (2001)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Cricket Writers On TV 11.00 International Football 1.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.25 LIVE International Football 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 Live WWE Extreme Rules 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Powerboating 5.30 Wild Spirits

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: The Last Show Before The Recovery See highlights. 8.00 Celebrity Wife Swap Special celebrity version of the reality programme in which people swap their partners, children and homes for a short period. Comics from different eras collide in this edition, as Scottish comedian and lesbian Rhona Cameron trades places with the wife of controversial stand-up Stan Boardman. Take cover! 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Series in which a millionaire goes undercover in a deprived area in the hope of changing someone’s life. Successful businesswoman and mother-of-two Kavita Oberoi heads to Ladywood, Birmingham, an area in which unemployment and teenage pregnancy figures are among the highest in the country. 10.00 Big Brother Davina McCall hosts a special show direct from the house as BB reveals some surprises that could send shockwaves through the contestants. A cattle prod? 11.40 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show. 12.20am 4 Music: Kasabian: Live 12.55 4Play: Placebo 1.05 Freesports On 4 1.30 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Afterworld 4.25 4Sport: Destination 2012 5.20 Countdown

7.10 Five News National and international news. If you’re into that kind of thing. 7.15 FILM: Jackie Chan’s First Strike (1996) Starring Jackie Chan, Jackson Lou, Chen Wu and Bill Tung. Martial arts movie about a Hong Kong detective contracted to recover a stolen nuclear warhead. Hired by both the CIA and Russian intelligence, the kung-fu cop is harassed, assaulted and framed for murder as he delves into the murky world of international arms dealing.In movieland nuclear warheads don’t seem to have very good security. 9.00 FILM: Hard Luck (2006) Starring Wesley Snipes, Cybill Shepherd, Aubrey Dollar, Kevin Chapman, Derrick J. Costa and Tom Kemp. Crime thriller. An infamous excon finds his attempts to go straight unexpectedly complicated by the police, the mafia and a pair of vicious serial killers. Poor dude. 10.55 FILM: Sniper II (2002) Starring Tom Berenger, Dan Butler, Linden Ashby, Bokeem Woodbine, Erika Marozsan and Ferenc Kovacs. Action sequel in which a tough US marine, having just succeeded in his mission to assassinate a Serbian war criminal, must return to the scene of the crime to rescue his captured partner. Oops! Man down. 12.35am NHL Stanley Cup 2009 1.50 NBA: The Finals 2009

6.05 Last Of The Summer Wine Toby is beginning to realise that the benefits of going back to his ex-wife far outweigh the advantages of living alone in a sparsely furnished house with no-one to cook or clean for him. 6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile Rural affairs programme. Matt Baker and Julia Bradbury head to the Chilterns in south-east England to mark the 20th anniversary of the reintroduction of red kites. 8.00 Hope Springs Drama series following ex-cons Ellie, Hannah, Josie and Shoo as they embark on the final stage of their long-held plan to live out their lives on a Barbados beach. The four women await their friend Mandy, who is due to fly in from Manchester to bring them their passports. Good pal, that one. 9.00 The Apprentice See highlights. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Hired Adrian Chiles has a chat with the final victor, and the ones that got away in the mega job interview. 11.00 BBC News 11.15 Cricket: World Twenty20 2009 - Highlights Cricket: World Twenty20 2009 - Highlights. 12.15am The Sky At Night 12.35 FILM: Ooh... You Are Awful! (1972) 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 Sign Zone: Everest ER 2.45 Holby City 3.40 English Heritage 4.40 BBC News

6.00 FILM: Carry On Loving (1970) Starring Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey, Joan Sims, Hattie Jacques, Terry Scott, Kenneth Connor and Barbara Windsor. British comedy in which the Carry On gang run a bogus marriage bureau. The proprietors, Sid and Sophie Bliss, seem set on matching the most unlikely couples possible. 7.30 European Elections 09 European Elections 09. 8.00 South Pacific Documentary series looking at the South Pacific islands. Flightless parrots, burrowing bats, giant skinks and kangaroos in trees – on the isolated islands of the South Pacific, the wildlife has evolved in extraordinary ways. But how do they react to a new species? 9.00 Empire Of Cricket Series telling the story of cricket. This programme looks at the story of the West Indies, and reveals how cricket clubs across the Caribbean once operated a kind of sporting apartheid, with whites-only membership. But into the 1920s all-rounder Learie Constantine emerged to challenge this. Includes interviews with cricketers Viv Richards, Gary Sobers, Michael Holding and many more. 10.00 European Elections 09 Results European Elections 09 Results. 1.00am BBC News 4.40 The Super League Show

6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Heartbeat A gangster’s accountant is on the run from his underworld bosses. David finds an old jeep with a surprising history. 8.00 Stephen Tompkinson’s African Balloon Adventure Stephen Tompkinson and hot air balloon pilot Robin Batchelor take an aerial tour of Africa in the first of three programmes. 9.00 Kingdom Drama about a solicitor in a small seaside town. Peter has the tricky task of helping an injured Iraq War veteran come to terms with his future, and Lyle takes the reins when an attractive young lady is sexually discriminated against by the army. 10.00 Ladies Of Letters Gentle comedy drama about two very different widows who forge a friendship through letters. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.00 The Unforgettable... Larry Grayson The story of the life and career of Larry Grayson, one of Britain’s best-loved entertainers. 11.35 Crossing Jordan A plane lands carrying a dead gambler with $3 million handcuffed to his wrist. 12.25am It’s My Life 1.15 The Cosby Mysteries 2.05 Quincy, ME 3.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.50 Mediterranean Nightmares: Tonight 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Max Power 7.00 Darts: UK Open Darts 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf: Celtic Manor Wales Open 5.00 Spirit Of Golf 5.30 Powerboating 6.00 Watersports World 7.00 LIVE Darts 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Darts: UK Open Darts 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 WWE Vintage Collection 9.00 Rugby Union 11.00 Rugby Union 1.00pm LIVE Darts: UK Open Darts 5.00 WWE: Experience 6.00 Mountain Bike World 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 LIVE NASCAR 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Golf Night 2.00 Watersports World 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

10.00am Road Wars 11.00 WWE Experience 12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 Lie To Me (x3) 4.00 Bones 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 House (x2) 11.00 Lie To Me 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Road Wars (x2) 2.45 The Villa

7.00pm Formula 1: The Turkish Grand Prix 8.00 FILM: Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life (2003) 9.50 Outtakes: US Presidents 10.00 Little Britain Abroad (x2) 11.00 Family Guy 11.20 American Dad! 11.45 Ideal 12.15am Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 1.15 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2)

7.00pm North And South 8.00 Everest ER 9.00 Blind Sight: Everest The Hard Way: Storyville 10.40 Stranded! The Andes Plane Crash Survivors: Storyville 12.30am Sir Gawain And The Green Knight 1.30 Everest ER 2.30 Blind Sight: Everest The Hard Way: Storyville

2.15pm Gossip Girl 3.15 All Star Mr & Mrs 4.15 Planet’s Funniest Animals 4.40 Primeval 5.40 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 12.00am FILM: Gun Crazy (1992)

7.55am Heartbeat (x2) 9.55 Hornblower 12.00pm Inspector Morse 2.00 Kavanagh QC 3.40 Wycliffe 4.45 Pollyanna 7.00 The Best Of The Royal Variety 8.00 Beyond A Joke 9.00 FILM: Staying Alive (1983) 11.00 FILM: Crazy People (1990) 12.50am The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 1.45 Surgical Spirit (x2)

11.35am Desperate Housewives 12.30pm Kevin Hill 1.15 Joan Of Arcadia (x2) 3.05 Big Brother’s Little Brother 4.05 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Cruel Intentions (1999) 11.00 Rude Tube 11.35 Big Brother: Live 12.00am Big Brother: Live

10.05am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.30pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.15 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Jamie At Home (x2) 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 The Millionaire And The Murder Mansion 11.05 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x4) 4.00 FILM: Beetlejuice (1988) 5.50 The Fix 6.00 Find My Family (x2) 7.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

10.00am How Do They Do It? (x2) 11.00 American Loggers (x6) 5.00pm Deadliest Catch 6.00 Air Jaws 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Hitler’s Henchmen 9.00 The Day After D-Day 10.00 Top 20 Ultimate Discovery With Robert Llewellyn 11.00 NASA’s Greatest Missions 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2)

12.00pm Ghost Stories 12.40 FILM: Hell’s Rain (2007) 2.30 FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 4.20 FILM: Locusts: Day Of Destruction (2005) 6.00 A Town Called Eureka 7.00 Knight Rider 8.00 Dollhouse 9.00 FILM: Minority Report (2002) 11.50 FILM: Flu Birds (2008) 1.40am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

10.05am Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 11.45 Zorba The Greek (1964) 2.10pm The Big Country (1958) 4.55 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 6.35 Zorba The Greek (1964) 9.00 The Big Country (1958) 11.45 Two For The Road (1967) 1.45am Too Late The Hero (1970)

9.00am Almost Famous (2000) 11.40 The Movie Geek 12.10pm The Apostle (1997) 2.30 Be Kind Rewind (2008) 4.20 The Movie Geek 4.50 Almost Famous (2000) 7.30 Into The Wild (2007) 10.00 Fargo (1996) 11.45 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 1.50am Be Kind Rewind (2008) 3.35 Fargo (1996)

11.00am The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) 1.00pm The Parent Trap (1998) 3.35 Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) 5.55 Anna And The King (1999) 6.45 Looking For Eric Special 9.00 The Wind That Shakes The Barley (2006) 11.25 The Machinist (2004) 1.25am The Reckoning (2003)

8.05am Clash By Night (1952) 10.10 Mutiny On The Bounty (1935) 1.00pm Assignment To Kill (1969) 3.00 A Little Romance (1979) 5.10 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 7.10 Protocol (1984) 9.00 Any Given Sunday (1999) 12.00am Scarecrow (1973) 2.20 Any Given Sunday (1999) 5.00 Mary Mary (1963)

8.30am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 9.50 Only Fools And Horses (x8) 9.00pm FILM: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) 10.35 Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga 12.40am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 1.20 The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin 2.00 The Dick Emery Show

9.00am Scrubs (x21) 7.30pm Rules Of Engagement 8.00 Scrubs 8.30 The Office: An American Workplace 9.00 FILM: Caddyshack (1980) 10.50 FILM: South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 12.20am Grumpy Old Holidays 1.00 Scrubs 1.30 Jongleurs Unleashed (x2)

Classics

Indie

041_LS426_TV_mon

5/28/09

5:20 PM

Page 1

monday 8 Springwatch BBC2, 8pm It’s the final week of Springwatch and Chris Packham, Kate Humble, Simon King and all their other woodland friends (human and not) are preparing for their final updates. Simon looks at Wales’ most spectacular sea bird colony, while Gordon Buchanan reveals the latest on the Essex badgers. Do look out the window too.

Ashes To Ashes BBC1, 9pm It’s all getting terribly dramatic as Alex has caught a hospital infection in 2008 and her doctors are losing hope. She’s becoming estranged from Gene, terrified of getting trapped in the 80s (like too many people have in 2009) and heading towards a massive confrontation that could tear the whole team apart. Yikes!

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here USA ’09 ITV2, 9pm Mylene Klass presents all the action from the jungle as the US Z-listers line up to scream and have tantrums in a hammock. Victims include eccentric model Janice Dickinson, actor Stephen Baldwin, American Idol contestant Sanjaya and Hills’ star Heidi Montag. Fantastic.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Beat The Boss 4.35 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Beat The Boss 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Non-Fiction Writing: Recount, Report, Instruction, Debate 11.40 Let’s Write Non-Fiction 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Tennis: Queens 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Members of the public are invited to try to make money out of their antiques by taking a risk at auction. Pays the ‘leccy bill. 7.00 South Pacific Documentary series looking at the South Pacific islands. 8.00 Springwatch See highlights. 9.00 Who’s Watching You? Richard Bilton speaks to leading figures from the shadowy world of secret intelligence to find out about modern surveillance and to see just how effective it is in tackling serious crime and terrorism. Intelligence insiders reveal the difficult task they face with an ever-evolving threat and a constant arms race between the state and criminals over surveillance technology. Scary stuff. 10.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Ruth Jones and guest panellists including Clive Anderson. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 2009 - Highlights Cricket: World Twenty20 2009 - Highlights. 12.20am The Apprentice 1.20 BBC News 4.00 Telling Stories 4.30 Speakers And Listeners 4.50 Powerful Texts

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.30 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.35 TV Is Dead? 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.50 Life Begins Again 1.50 FILM: Anne Of The Indies (1951) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 International Football 11.00 Darts: UK Open Darts 1.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Time Of Our Lives 10.30 F1 Powerboats 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening New; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain warns Natasha to keep her nose out of Debbie’s business. 7.30 Coronation Street Gary realises he could be charged with murder. Blimmin’ ’eck! 8.00 Cornershop Crunch Time: Tonight With independent convenience stores facing threats to their existence from supermarket growth, the recession, and the rise in crime, Mark Jordan goes behind the counter to meet the shopkeepers. 8.30 Coronation Street Furious, Gary confronts David about the setup. Bail conditions! Bail conditions! 9.00 My Child Won’t Sleep Three families whose lives are falling apart because of their children’s peripatetic sleep patterns. Sheep don’t work. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dating The Enemy Party animal Lezline and fitness fanatic Warren have little in common apart from both being single. Date time! 11.05 FILM: Bird On A Wire (1990) Starring Mel Gibson, Goldie Hawn. Fast-paced action comedy as an informer goes on the run with his ex girlfriend when his witness protection programme collapses. 1.05am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 1.55 Loose Women 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sasha is mourning for Warren, and in her grief she seems hell-bent on alienating everyone around her. Drugs time? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: Crash Gordon Journalist Andrew Rawnsley presents the inside political story of the credit crunch and its implications for Prime Minister Gordon Brown, featuring exclusive interviews with senior politicians. 9.00 The World’s Greatest Musical Prodigies A showcase of the world’s most remarkable musical prodigies, who will be hand-picked to perform a concerto led by 16-year-old composer Alexander Prior at The Sage, Gateshead. Alexander first travels to Miami, where five of America’s most gifted classical musicians are bidding to impress him. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 Celebrity Wife Swap Special celebrity version of the reality programme with Scottish comedian and lesbian Rhona Cameron trading places with the wife of controversial stand-up Stan Boardman. 12.10am 4Music Intros: The Yeah You’s 12.20 4Music Intros: Remi Nicole 12.30 Global Gathering 2008 1.00 NY-LON 2.00 Big Brother: Live 4.00 The Blue Dragon (x8)

6.00 - 8.00am Children’s telvision 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: The Colt (2005) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Alf, Miles and Hugo embark on a shark hunt. Man stuff! 6.30 RSPCA: On The Frontline Doc series following a group of newly qualified RSPCA inspectors as they start work on the front line of animal welfare. Amanda gets called out to rehome a pig. Dreams come true. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Massive Speed Chris Barrie takes to the water to trace the development of the warship. 8.00 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show. 9.00 Extraordinary People: Real Wolf Kids This edition profiles two children suffering from congenital hypertrichosis, or ‘werewolf syndrome’. The programme investigates how genetic research may hold the key to giving these children normal lives – and potentially helping millions of others. 10.00 Banged Up Abroad Dramadocumentary series telling the gripping real-life stories. 11.05 FILM: The Shrink Is In (2000) Starring Courteney Cox, David Arquette. Romantic comedy about a young woman who decides to impersonate her psychiatrist to win the man of her dreams. 12.50am NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 1.50 USPGA Golf 2.40 IndyCar 3.30 FIM Motocross 4.20 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Everest ER Documentary series. At the world’s highest hospital at Everest Basecamp, volunteer doctors treat the first major frostbite case of the season, and UK scouts head for summit glory. 8.00 EastEnders Whitney’s mum returns, and it threatens to tear Bianca and Whitney apart. Ronnie harbours a secret that could destroy her relationship with Jack. Again. 8.30 Panorama Panorama. Exactly that. 9.00 Ashes To Ashes See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 FILM: Cinderella Man (2005) Starring Russell Crowe, Renee Zellweger, Paul Giamatti. Biopic of legendary 1930s boxer James Braddock, who returned to the ring after retirement as the underdog contender for the heavyweight championship. After losing everything during the Depression, Braddock makes a last ditch attempt to pay off his debts that leads him on a path to a title shot against the overwhelming favourite, Max Baer. 12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: South Pacific 1.55 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 2.25 The Unsellables 2.55 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 Masters Football: Northern Masters 2.00pm International Football 4.00 Darts: UK Open Darts 6.00 Sailing 6.30 Powerboating 7.00 The Irish Golfer 7.30 LIVE Speedway 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker 12.00am Speedway 2.00 Poker 4.00 World Twenty20 Cricket

Sky Sports 3 10.00am WWE The Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00pm WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 WWE Experience 2.00 WWE The Bottom Line 3.00 WWE Afterburn 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 WWE Smackdown 9.00 WWE Extreme Rules 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 Max Power 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

10.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 10.00 Miami SWAT 11.00 Road Wars (x3) 1.50am The Villa

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Robin Hood 8.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Bizarre Animal ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Gavin And Stacey 12.20am Horne And Corden 12.50 Ideal 1.20 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.50 Make My Body Younger

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 9.00 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 9.30 The Sky At Night 10.00 Angels Of Rio: Storyville 11.00 D-Day 65 11.15 News 44: D-Day 11.30 DDay 65 11.45 D-Day: Turning The Tide 12.35am D-Day 65 12.50 D-Day: Secret Maps 1.20 D-Day 65

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09. See highlights. 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 2.00 Teleshopping

3.30pm The Life And Crimes Of William Palmer 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 7.55 The Beiderbecke Connection 9.00 Moll Flanders 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 The Lakes 12.15am The Life And Crimes Of William Palmer 1.45 Clocking Off

12.55pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 2.00 Big Brother 3.30 Desperate Housewives 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Shameless 11.10 FILM: Never Been Kissed (1999) 1.15am Big Brother

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.05 Grand Designs 12.10am Location, Location, Location

11.00am The Steve Wilkos Show 11.55 Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 In Bed With Yvette And Karl 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 American Chopper 9.00 Whale Wars 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Treasure Quest 12.00am Most Evil

12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Cyclops (2008) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 10.50 FILM: War Wolves (2009) 1.00am FILM: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998)

8.15am The War Lord (1965) 10.20 The Sound Of Music (1965) 1.15pm Topaz (1969) 3.45 The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 5.15 Lover Come Back (1961) 7.15 The Out-of-Towners (1970) 9.00 The Sound Of Music (1965) 12.00am The War Lord (1965) 2.05 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

9.00am Babel (2006) 11.25 Breaking And Entering (2006) 1.25pm Tube Tales (1999) 3.05 Babel (2006) 5.30 Mumford (1999) 7.30 The Movie Geek 8.00 The Good German (2005) 10.00 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 11.35 Hard Candy (2006) 1.25am Mississippi Burning (1988) 3.35 Mumford (1999)

11.00am The Million Pound Note (1954) 12.45pm The Dark Corner (1946) 2.40 The Last Wagon (1956) 4.40 Because Of WinnDixie (2005) 6.45 Corrina, Corrina (1994) 9.00 Zoolander (2001) Ben Stiller is the dimwitted model. 10.40 Happy Ending 10.45 Riff-Raff (1991) 12.40am Whisky (2004)

8.15am Bachelor In Paradise (1961) 10.25 Mary Mary (1963) 1.00pm The Bobo (1967) 3.00 Great Catherine (1968) 5.00 Drum Beat (1954) 7.05 The Story Of Mankind (1957) 9.00 Boogie Nights (1997) 12.00am Cannery Row (1982) 2.25 Offset: Michael Caine 3.00 Bachelor In Paradise (1961)

3.40pm Ever Decreasing Circles 4.20 The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 Blackadder Exclusive: The Whole Rotten Saga 10.20 Early Doors 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 A Bit Of Fry And Laurie 12.20am Early Doors

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (X2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie