Latest Seven: Issue 428 16-22 June by Latest Homes

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 16 – 22 June 2009

FREE WEEKLY

win! the ultimate summer cds

mark thomas on campaigning to change the world

arare gem stunning jewellery with the individual in mind at baroque bespoke jewellery page 15

so judgemental andrew kay joins a food festival judging panel

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Contents ★latest upfront 5–9 5 Seann is not likely to support the BNP 5 Will asks if love comes with shackles 6 Competitions: win summer dance CDs 6 Social Diary at another Beachdown launch and with Harry Enfield

7 Dani doesn’t care who you namecheck 8 Bare Cheek‘s Bangkok Festival line-up 8 Astral Angi‘s avoidance strategies 9 Celebcity‘s up to something fishy

★ latest news 10–11 10 Sport: our wicket keeper problems 10 Seven days of news headlines 11 Phil Mills on how sting rays are being used in the recession

★ latest lifestyle 12–17 12 Travel: discover the beauty of Sicily 14 Jewellery: spoil someone special

Welcome P

★ latest listings 18–37 18 Reviews A Starbucks exorcism

19 Stage Last of the Summer Wine live

20 Film What’s on and where to see it

21 Kids & Events A midnight walk and country fair

21 Books Markus Zusak on The Book Thief

22 Comedy Vicky talks to Mark Thomas

22 Art Spanish artist Lidia De Pedro

23 Music Michael Goldwasser of the Easy Star All Stars; Bike Week and Lily Allen

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP

26 Clubs Conscientious clubbing and Tarantino

27 Gay

15 On the cover: Baroque Bespoke Jewellery

16 Hotlist: new and old favourites 17 Andrew judges the Taste-ival festival

Get running for Sussex Beacon

30 TV Dani loves TV crime but only when it‘s tasteful; 7 days of listings

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant

25 26

olitics has barely been out of the news lately, with many people disillusioned with the system. Comedian and activist Mark Thomas is touring the country trying to rally audiences to take matters into their own hands and come up with laws to put the world to rights. Victoria Nangle spoke to him ahead of his two gigs in Brighton this week (p22). In his food column, Andrew Kay is being very picky – he was asked to join the judging panel at the inaugural Taste-ival food festival in Steyning (p17). Phil Mills has news about the Artists Open Houses Festival; about how sting rays are being used to help in these testing financial times and the controversy over the donation by author Peter James to Sussex Police (p11). City council leader Mary Mears is taking a month off from her column in the lead-up to the crucial by-election which could shift the balance of power in Brighton and Hove. Instead we have council news as well as our usual seven days of headlines (p10). On the same page, cricket columnist Andy Winter assesses the wicket keeper problem which could stump Sussex County Cricket Club. Our monthly travel section continues with a snapshot of Sicily and special offer at a five-star hotel (p12). If you’re feeling like treating yourself, or persuading someone else to, use our jewellery feature for some of the best local designers and stockists including Baroque Bespoke Jewellery (p14). In books, Markus Zusak, the author whose Holocaust novel The Book Thief was chosen for this year’s Brighton and Hove City Reads, talks about his writing and who he thinks should be chosen for next year’s citywide reading festival (p21). In his round-up of album releases, music editor Jeff Hemmings checks out new collections and reworkings from the Manic Street Preachers, The Who and Lizzy Parks (p25). Also on that page, find out who is dominating the Latest music chart. Upload your own tunes at www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart In Latest Gay, Sussex Beacon announce their ambitious plans to grow Brighton’s annual half marathon rapidly (p27). Latest is pleased to announce we are a Pride in Brighton and Hove media partner this year so keep checking over the coming weeks for updates and full listings.

Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann his is not the best time to be British. Certain things will never leave us: that opening sentence proves that understatement is still alive in the birth place of football. In fact, football itself has taken unscheduled positive steps, with the English national team actually winning, albeit under the guidance of an Italian manager. However, for the most part, things are pretty bad. If my work-seeking friends are to be believed, there are precisely zero jobs up for grabs outside of Gordon Brown‘s cabinet, which, despite the perk of unlimited scope for unscrupulous expense claims, basically counts as temping. Of course, these friends are restrained in their hunt for employment by the crippling impediment of having no genuine will to look for work, and would much rather stick it out on the dole until their pride finally breaks. But the point remains: it‘s always been tough to find a job if you‘re not looking, but it‘s difficult now even if you are. Moving on from unemployment, we can certainly point a damning finger at its cause: the recession. The economy is like the family car: everything's fine until it stops working

Seann Walsh is apathetic about this little island

hen I was younger I used to fret about being single. “I’m on the shelf!” I would howl at whichever of my hags had the misfortune of propping me up that evening. “I’m going to die alone, drunk, in a cardigan with egg down the front!” Nobody saw fit to point out the fairly obvious fact that 22 is no age to worry about your future demise, whether it be surrounded by rosy-cheeked grandchildren or alone and covered in your breakfast. Or that spending your evenings sitting around with your girlfriends, wailing that you’re going to be single for the rest of your days like a bunch of Sicilian widows, is pretty much the only thing that will guarantee it. Although I’d had boyfriends by that time, I hadn’t been in what you would call a real relationship (age had yet to teach me real relationships don’t involve lying around in your pants eating fishfinger sandwiches, or one of you secretly syphoning money from the other’s bank account). The point is I had nothing to compare being single to. To me, being in a relationship was like a vision of the promised land, flowing with milk and honey that we would buy together every Saturday morning. From Waitrose probably.

Photo: Jenny Rollo

Will

“This may not be the best time to be a British person – or even to be a person”

(a recession starts), whereupon we’re all doomed (broke/unemployed/in debt/all three), because no one understands it except dad (the government), who has a partial understanding but all his interventions result in further damage. Accompanying these troubles is an ongoing theme in this little island‘s recent history: the total lack of any unifying national purpose. I‘m no patriot. Only international football can coax any national pride out of me, and even then it‘s at least fifty per cent fake. But otherwise, like most young Britons, I‘m apathetic about my nationality. We live in individualist times. We don‘t operate for the good of the land, but for the good of ourselves. Of course, that‘s one of the reasons we‘re in this mess. But it‘s a global mess, as the first word of ‘global warming‘ will no doubt be happy to attest. This may not be the best time to be a British person, or even to be a person, but we can at least blindly hope that things will get better, or just pretend that everything‘s OK. And as long as a certain Italian is in charge of the now-promising England team, I for one will continue to indulge in 90minute affectations of national pride.

Will Harris is surprised to find himself reluctant to give up being single “Been there, done that, got the clubcard points and the emotional scars, thank you boys”

But been there, done that, got the clubcard points and the emotional scars, thank you very much boys. And now T, who has not put a foot wrong in the month we’ve been dating, is possibly shaping up to be good boyfriend material, I suddenly find myself aggressively reluctant to surrender my singledom. There are good things about being in a relationship, sure. Rent’s cheaper, for one, you get regular nookie and there’s always someone to stick your jacket potato in the oven if you’re held up at work. Plus there’s love and stuff. But what about the boundless joy that comes from dating wildly inappropriate people, breathlessly trading last night’s horror stories over breakfast with friends the next day? Or, if the night’s gone well, the exchange of phone numbers before embarking on the long walk home with your top on inside-out and wearing someone else’s pants? What about freedom? What about adventure? They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and sometimes that’s true. But perhaps, having been ringed in one too many times, it’s not the colour of the grass that worries me any more. Perhaps it’s the fence.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson ▲

Win two fantastic Summer compilation CDs The summer party season is upon us and we’ve got a prize to help you dance until the sun comes up. This week we’re giving away two new party compilation CDs. UK Funky House Crazy Cousinz is one of the hottest producers in the UK Funky House scene right now and he’s just released a compilation mix of some of the genre’s biggest hits. This is UK Funky House Volume 1 includes Funky remixes of Alesha Dixon, Estelle and Jay Sean among others and should keep you jumping around on those barmy summer nights.

gets ready for Beachdown and catches up with Harry

Hit the beach On Thursday 28 May I was invited to Brighton Coalition for the launch of Beachdown Festival 2009. Maker’s Mark cocktails, a glass or two of chilled Sagres and Kopparberg Cider were on tap to help us appreciate musical genius Terry Callier. Supporting Terry Callier was the fantastic Alice McLaughlin and an exclusive set from DJ Adrian Gibson. Beachdown Festival which runs from 28 to 31 August. For more information visit www.beachdownfestival.com

Terry Callier

Charlotte Wigham, Katherine Thay

Classic Chilled Ibiza Perfect for those long sunny evenings. Put your feet up with a cool glass of wine, maybe a barbecue, perhaps some cool fruity strawberries or while playing frisbee... well I guess it’s up to you where you play it, and which summer cliché you partake in while listening, but you get the idea. This compilation of slow Balearic beats includes great chilled tracks past and present, including tunes from Mylo, Zero 7, Fatboy Slim, Bonobo and Morcheeba. The Question Because it’s summer, we’re giving away both CDs together for three (thats right – three) lucky winners! So for a chance to be one of those lucky prizewinners and get your hands on both box-sets of sizzling summer songs, just tell us: in which group of Spanish islands does party island Ibiza lie? See below for entry details.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘summer CDs’ in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 29 June

Jo Ward, Aida Loutfi, Jim Mullen, Debs Lewis Normski

Joe Murphy (Beachdown Director), Jo Bull, Joe Pidgeon (Beachdown Director)

Enfield and chums On the afternoon of 3 June comedian Harry Enfield visited local homelessness charity Emmaus. Harry had a stint behind the counter in the charity’s second-hand furniture store in Portslade. The residents at Emmaus Brighton and Hove support themselves through their own endeavours. They collect, refurbish and then sell donated household goods in their on-site shops. They also run a successful café where shoppers can take a break from their bargain hunting. Harry Enfield says: “I think Emmaus is a really good idea. It gives people the opportunity to work for themselves and others. It doesn’t just provide a temporary, sticking plaster solution to homelessness, but offers real and lasting change.”

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani nude painting of Madonna and Guy Richie failed to sell – big news that – I have no idea why. Firstly, who wants a painting of a divorced couple, nude, hanging on their wall and secondly, have you seen it? It really isn’t the most flattering of portraits. I am continually stunned by the expectations surrounding certain people, objects or paintings purely based on their creators, creations or reputations. I wrote a column on a similar situation about a year ago, saying that it annoyed me that the world presumed or claimed that Paul McCartney couldn’t possibly have done the slightest thing wrong where his relationship with Heather Mills was concerned, purely because he was in The Beatles. Is it just me or does that not seem just a little ridiculous? It’s the same when U2 release a new single – no one will say a bad word against it purely because it is sung by bug-eyed Bono. I suppose the pressure felt by these so called demi-Gods is enormous. But in reality it is their name that impresses, not their creation. The same can be said for designer clothing, nearly all of which is worn purely because of the label attached to it. It is a strange world we live in, where we continually look past what something actually is and only look to who made it or what recognition it will buy us. Everything we wear and own is a statement about us and our personalities, but what kind of personality must you have if you rely solidly on what others perceive a designer label to

What’s in a designer name, asks Dani ?

“Whatever happened to liking something solely for liking what it is, and not because of who made it?” mean? Our celebrity obsessed nation doesn’t help matters. The fact that you can buy items like Britney’s masticated chewing gum on eBay is really only an exaggeration of the point I am trying to make. Whatever happened to liking something solely for liking what it is, and not because of who made it? About three years ago I was walking through The Lanes and wearing a pair of shoes I had bought in Primark, when a couple of girls walked past me. One pointed out to the other with a disgusted tone that I had bought my red shoes in Primark. Firstly – she would have had to have gone in there to have found that out and secondly – who cares? Bizarrely, wearing clothing from Primark is a strange fashion statement in itself now. But again, I would never buy an item of clothing I didn’t actually like the look of based of the fact that it is sold in a particular shop. I am not surprised no one bought the painting of Madonna and Guy Richie. It is an ugly painting, regardless of who painted it, and who really wants that?

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

What’s news? Where did you hear about Jordan and Peter splitting up? For me, it was on the news. But it really isn’t news is it? Actual global events seem to come second to what the celebrities are doing. Divorce is not a nice situation for anyone, and the media should back off respectfully. Now we all seem to be obsessing about the weight loss suffered by the pair of them. Those kids who want to grow up and be famous are seriously disillusioned. If you are famous, you are generally hounded by the media to the point where the intimate details of your life are considered news.

As seen on ‘Channel 4’s Embarrassing Bodies’

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08 ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek

In & Out

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

more facts you didn’t know about fantabulous Hove

Why not check out...

Bangkok Festival

Out

know it when they’ve got their extraordinary costumes on! Thrill to their antics as they smoke rollies, drink cider, and mime to Chumbawamba and Crass. ”Unbelievable!” The Nonthaburi Gazette

• Highway Code (1978 Edition) • The Country Code • The Da Vinci Code • The International Air Transport Association Code • Omerta

1 A 1974 episode of ’Dad’s Army’, ’A Private Matter’, set and filmed on Hove seafront, was banned by the BBC because of a seven minute sequence in which Corporal Jones demonstrates how to make napalm from household ingredients. 2 The little-known Hove Catacombs receive over twenty visitors a year. 3 Hove Menagerie, which closed in 1961, contained such notable exhibits as Nookie Bear, the MGM lion, Tony Tiger, Fozzie bear, and Spike the bulldog from ’Tom and Jerry’, all of whom unfortunately had to be shot when they contracted rabies in the late fifties. 4 Hove’s dialling code is 0666666666666666666666666 6666666666666666666666666 6666666666666666666666666 66666666666663. 5 The colloquial expression ”a Hove handshake” refers to a simultaneous punch in the face and fondling of the buttocks.

Codes Edition

• Highway Code (1968 Edition) • The Hays Code • The Green Cross Code • The Scottish Outdoor Access Code • Code Napoleon

Yes, one month after Brighton's celebrated festival, Bangkok holds its own annual fiesta, featuring such acts as...

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strike, hypocrisy, etc. ”Enchanting!” Muang Samut Clarion British Music Night Thrill to the exotic sounds of Gilbert and Sullivan classic played on traditional British recorders by musicians who aren’t actually very good, though you won’t be able to tell as you don’t know enough about the genre of music. ”Genius!” Bang Na Chronicle

The Upper-middle Class Crusties Of Brighton Yes, these people went to Eton, Harrow, and Roedean, but you’d never

Astral Angi

The English State Circus Featuring demonstrations of ancient national skills such as putting the boot in, going on

The Bangkok Festival! Not quite as banging as the Brighton Festival

BARDSLEY’S

This week, Astral tells us what to avoid

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries should avoid sitting in the sun, swimming after a meal, woollen undergarments, small mammals, vanilla essence as opposed to vanilla extract and morris dancing.

Cancerians should avoid doctors, dentists, nurses, chiropodists, proctologists, midwives, dental hygienists and osteopaths, they all have far too much contact with illness.

Librans should avoid officers of the law, traffic wardens, transport police officers, customs officials, store detectives, tax inspectors, meter readers and census workers.

Capricorns should avoid butchers and abattoir workers, makers of pork pies and cured meat products, tanners, furriers, cobblers, tallow renderers and knife grinders.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans should avoid fatty foods, synthetic fabrics, large brimmed hats, Italian waiters, Bourbon biscuits, Cairn terriers, mussels, muscles and line dancing.

Leos should avoid accountants, bank managers, bank clerks, supermarket cashiers, money lenders, usurers, pawn brokers, and itinerant door-todoor sales-persons.

Scorpios should avoid, nuns, priests, vicars, curates, bishops, archdeacons, vergers, deans, choir masters and choir boys, civil celebrants and the Pope.

Aquarians should avoid practitioners of alternative therapies, alternative medicine, alternative music, alternative hair styles, alternative foods and alternative alternatives.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis should avoid crowded trains, crowded lifts, crowded bars, crowded shops, crowded street, crowded buses, crowded concert halls, crowded waiting rooms and Crowded House.

Virgos should avoid louche women, raffish men, gigolos, women of the night, sex traffickers, swingers, gingers and down-right mingers. Actually gingers are rather nice, forget that.

Sagis should avoid Swiss doctors with soft voices, kind words and bitter drinks, undertakers, pall bearers and florists, taxidermists, solicitors and future beneficiaries.

Pisceans should avoid salad. Salad is the work of the devil and can easily be replaced with quality fried foods providing the fat is at the right temperature as it is at Bardsley’s.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

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AROUND TOWN 09

LATEST NEWS 11

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on the rays helping to fight crime, a festival success and Peter James’s gift

Ladder to success The Brighton Festival may be long passed now but for at least one participant its influence has only just begun. Frances Bloomfield ran an Open House showing her unique art work and not only are sales continuing but exhibitions are in the pipeline at the London School of Psychotherapy and Oxford University. The ladder picture (shown), like all of her work, started with photographs of buildings, in this case a disused cement works near Oxford. ”Then I make models of parts of the spaces sometimes using some elements taken from the photos, windows particularly. They are then lit in different ways using very low-tech items – torches, old slide projectors etc, and then I photograph them,” she said. Frances, a senior lecturer in graphic design at Sir John Cass School of Art, saw her work featured in the festival’s Selector’s Choice exhibition at the Regency House. Success from the festival will mean changes at her home in Gerard Street, which she shares with fellow artist Pete Fraser. “We are hoping to build a studio in the attic this year – I am a bit fed up working on the dining room table and in the bathroom!”

Ray of sunshine other and son rays Ruth and Rob are putting a sting in the tail of a new crime-fighting initiative in Brighton. A huge 10 foot by 10 foot photograph of the pair is being erected on the front of a derelict cinema to ward off vandals. Police and council officials hope their cute human-like smiles will brighten up the drab building Astoria in Gloucester Place and make vandals think twice about picking up cans of spray paint. Ruth and Rob were photographed at the Brighton Sea Life Centre and their £300 picture, coated in an easy-clean finish, will be shown alongside same-size photographs of fields and seafront scenes. The cownose rays, which can grow to a metre wide and live in the Western Atlantic on oysters and clams, are the latest recruits to Brighton and Hove City Council’s initiative to cheer up shops and businesses closed by the recession. Thought to be the first campaign of its kind in the country, the council launched their makeover idea last year with pictures of blue skies and fluffy clouds on the front of a disused Brighton pub. Police were amazed when vandal attacks stopped. Police Inspector Laurence Taylor said: “The theory is that pleasant images have such a calming effect that no one wants to deface them.” Images are also being put up outside a shop in Queens Road which closed due to the recession. Copies of museum paintings have been used to brighten up drab areas of the city and the council has plans for more makeovers in the future.

“It is hoped that their cute, humanlike smiles will brighten up the drab building”

Partners in crime Brighton and Hove police have defended their decision to accept a free car in exchange for promoting a crime writer and helping him with research. The £9,000 Hyundai Getz was given to Sussex Police by author Peter James last year for non-emergency duties and it has now been given a makeover to coincide with the launch of the Sussex author’s new book. Chief Superintendent Graham Bartlett, head of Brighton and Hove police, said: “I’ve been asked whether we would entertain a similar sponsorship arrangement with, say, Tesco’s, and the answer is yes. “I welcome all legitimate sponsorship with open arms.”

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12 TRAVEL

L7 travel

✈

Italian jewel

Taormina, Sicily is one of the world’s most beautiful coastal destinations isitors have been lured by Sicily‘s beauty for thousands of years and, despite its immense popularity, the island still retains the stunning landscapes and coastlines that drew wave after wave of invaders including Greeks, Romans, Arabs and Normans. Control Sicily and you control the Mediterranean, conquerors believed, and it is apparent to all who visit that Sicily is a jewel in the crown of the region. Taormina in the north east is one of the island’s most famous destinations – the coastal resort on the Ionian Sea which captivated and inspired DH Lawrence and Truman Capote. The town has much to offer visitors, with enchanting medieval streets, a cable car shuttle to nearby beaches and tours to Mount Etna, the largest active volcano in Europe. Travellers can visit the volcano, or marvel at its beauty from the Teatro Greco, the 10,000 seat amphitheatre built by the Greeks in the third century BC and later expanded by the Romans. It is also possible to take excursions to World Heritage Sites such as the ancient town of Siracusa, the Valley of the Temples in Agrigento and the ruined Roman villa, the Villa Romana di Casale. Of course, it’s not all about the landscapes and sight-seeing. Sicily is also popular because of its enviable cuisine and wine. It is home to many vineyards and the birthplace of amaretto, invented in the Middle Ages and brewed from the island’s indigenous almonds. Sicilian flavours have been influenced by the many different cultures that have existed over the centuries and Sicilians are renowned for their love of food and cooking. Specialities like caponata, made from aubergines and olives; seafood; goat; lamb; cheeses; and desserts and pastries made from almonds and sheep’s milk ricotta are ubiquitous and impossible to resist. It is even rumoured that ice cream was invented in Sicily in Roman times, when a relay of runners would bring snow down from Mount Etna to be flavoured!

S I C I LY

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Truly Independent, Truly Unique. 4 Church Street, Brighton, BN1 1UJ Tel: 01273 608351 leisure@johnproctortravel.com www.johnproctortravel.com

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FASHION GIVEAWAY 13

I ❤ Roxy Win an exclusive Roxy Heart dress courtesy of Latest 7 and boutique Romelle Effectively assists with: Public Speaking Panic attacks Exam nerves Self esteem Smoking Phobias Weight management FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION London, Brighton, Hove & Forest Row Practices

Brighton’s Romelle is just one of two boutiques selling the premium clothing collection Roxy Heart, with the other being in London. A part of sport lifestyle brand Roxy, the Roxy Heart collection takes inspiration from the late 60s/early 70s Woodstock era, with the theme of youthful hedonism. Valerie Thevenot, head designer for Roxy Heart said: ”This collection features pieces that can be worn from morning through to night on a bold colour palette.” This limited edition collection will ensure you’re one of the best dressed at any party this summer. The Roxy Heart collection is exclusive in Brighton to Romelle. We are offering one lucky reader the chance to win the Laguna Lawn Dress (RRP: £65, sizes from XS to XL) from the Roxy Heart range. For a chance to win, just tell us: Other than Brighton, where else is the Roxy Heart range available? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Roxy’ in the subject line. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to include your contact details. Closing date for entries: 29 June 2009.

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14 JEWELLERY

Treasure trove Special gifts and keepsakes to cherish The city of Brighton is home to many independent jewellers, each one a unique treasure trove. For a truly individual keepsake, a bespoke item of jewellery is possible, making an occasion such as a wedding or anniversary extra special. Here you will find examples of stunning gifts and the services offered by local jewellers, with a stunning selection from Julian Stephens to begin...

Fresh water pearls by Petra de Souza, £144. Available from Julian Stephens

King and Queen of Hearts napkin rings by Bryony Knox in sterling silver with red enamel detail, £560 each. Available exclusively from Julian Stephens

'Bud' wedding and engagement rings by Mirri Damer in 18ct white gold and diamonds, £1800 for both rings. Available exclusively from Julian Stephens

52 High Street, Rottingdean, Brighton BN2 7HF Tel: 01273 80 88 80

twitter.com/FSDS

Beautiful jewellery and exquisite gifts from the UK's most original designers. Five minutes from Brighton - follow the coast road. Friendly service and fabulous prices.

www.fsdesignersilver.com

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COVER STORY 15

All that glitters Transform old jewels and see what’s new online and in-store at Baroque Bespoke Jewellery aroque Bespoke Jewellery is one of Brighton’s most unique and exciting jewellery shops, situated in the heart of Brighton’s historic Lanes. With its sumptuous interior and vintage cabinets, it is a stunning platform for the carefully selected award-winning collections. Now in its third year and having recently secured a place as finalists in the UK Jewellery Awards 2009, (a prestigious accolade in the glittering world of jewellery) Baroque is going from strength to strength. Recognition of this kind from the industry and peers is invaluable and reinforces their evergrowing reputation as one of the leading cutting-edge jewellery stores in the UK. In times of mass production, Baroque offers the rare opportunity for their customers to be the owner of a unique, hand crafted piece of jewellery – a one-off piece of history. Sourcing in ethical and certificated gemstones and diamonds from around the world for you to choose from, Baroque’s goldsmiths can make the impossible possible. Baroque have a great selection of classic wedding bands and engagement rings to choose from, available in gold, platinum and the more recently favoured palladium. For the more adventurous there are collections with more of a Baroque twist – try the beautiful, undulating curves of the “Pulse” diamond ring to get your loved one’s heart racing, or pick your very own natural, rough diamond from the selection Baroque carry in-store, and design your own special piece of jewellery around it. This is jewellery for the individual, carefully designed and made in-house by the team of Baroque Goldsmiths with well over 70 years of experience between them. At Baroque, they are very excited to announce the launch of their brand new website, launched in June. Now you can browse the Baroque collections in the comfort of your own home – let the commissions page inspire you to transform your outdated jewellery into more modern, wearable pieces or look at your favourite designer‘s new collection. It’s just the tip of the iceberg really, with new collections being added every month. It’s definitely worth checking the site out for jewellery updates and new additions to the blog. Visit www.baroquejewellery.com

f you are interested in commissioning your own piece of jewellery, here is how it happens (check out the step-by-step guide on the Baroque website.) Working closely with each client on initial ideas, the Baroque team will create drawings of several options, both in design and price. Always working with the customer’s budget in mind, many variations can be offered. Ultimately, Baroque are able to source diamonds and gemstones that will fit exactly to your budget, always ethical of course and certificated if necessary. They will even order stones in for the customer to select from themselves. Then, a model will be built, a silver version of the design for the customer to try, so that they can be sure they are getting exactly the piece they have been imagining. Once the customer is completely happy with their design, the hard work then begins to create the stunning finished piece. It’s a dedicated, lovingly executed process that can be completed in just three to four weeks, but generally Baroque try to work to a six week turnaround. The team are truly up for any challenge and recent designs have included some simply stunning pieces. Just give the team a call or simply pop in to make an appointment, and a member of the Baroque team can guide you through the commissioning process. Whether it’s simply melting down an old wedding ring and re-working it; remounting a precious, family gem-stone or converting your old scrap jewellery into money against a new piece – this is the new word in recycling. Breathe some new life into your old jewellery. Turn your trash into treasure! 9 Union Street, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1HA Tel 01273 777003

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11/6/09

3:21 PM

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16 HOT LIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

Preston Park Tavern

Restaurants British and modern European 9 Bar Café

A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Sevendials Restaurant

9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit – they do the best chips ever tasted. They appear to have already acquired several of Brighton and Hove’s celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk

Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

A smart restaurant serving excellent food and a sensible variety of menus in chic surroundings. From a simple lunch to a full à la carte dinner. Cooking reflects the seasons rather than fashion and quality is paramount, with great locally caught fish, game and desserts, and a wine list full of affordable treats. Use the terrace when the weather is warm or the dining room for a treat. 1 Buckingham Place, Brighton BN1 3TD, 01273 885555 www.sevendialsrestaurant.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French

Chimney House

The Arrogant Frog Brasserie.

Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty threecourse dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Now opened in the heart of Brighton, on the seafront. The menu has changed, they offer brunch, lunch, tea and dinner from 11am through to 11pm, Monday to Sunday. They’ve gone more mainstream but some of the old favourites remain, along with the French specials, changing regularly on the blackboards. Their European menu was created in response to demand – the credit crunch has hit us all and prices need to be easier on the pocket. Pop in for a croque monsieur during the day, coffee and cake or treat yourself to a cocktail – they have over 30 on the menu. They are now able to cater for parties of all sizes. Contact the

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week

restaurant for further information. 64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA. 01273 721488

New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine. A hidden gem. Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm. 10–11 New Steine, Brighton BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast. Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists. Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night. Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest hot list call Marie today on 01273 818150 ex102

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6/12/09

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & drink Andrew Kay is put to the test at Steyning Taste-ival andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Judgemental A

s the beloved red rust bucket slowly trunded into Steyning and up the shingle drive to my friend’s double fronted pile, Mr R and I reflected on how much like a Midsommer Murder our weekend was turning out to be. The pretty Sussex town – woebetide anyone who dares call it a village – has a film set quality to it and on this day it was added to by a very jolly food festival being staged at Whites Restaurant in the centre. My role in the unravelling mystery, which rather than starting with a homicide ended with a car crash, (not mine), was to judge a chef contest. I agreed because it sounded like it could be fun and because I would be able to see my friends and their kids. Potentially, it was an accident waiting to happen. I know because over the years I have been to some pretty horrific food competitions. As it turned out, it was a triumph. I was joined on the judging panel by the lovely Laura Lockington, a foodie, food writer and novelist of my acquaintance, and the lovely Andrea Fox from Juice FM, with whom I spent too many evenings judging cocktails last year. Mr R came along to keep me company but proved to be invaluable when it came to doing the sums. The contest was well thought out. Each of the four participating chefs chose eight ingredients at random from a series of pots. They were contrived so that each would receive some protein, some starch and some fruit and veg. Clever, yes, but pretty demanding.

“I was somewhat disappointed that I was not allowed to award extra points for the first cut and blue sticking plaster” The luck of the draw could give one chef a very nice selection of groceries whilst the next received quite literally a dog’s dinner. Each was then given the equivalent of £5 spending power in the market outside with which to top up his basket and once shopped, they had 40 minutes in which to prepare a three course meal. The thrust was for seasonal and local and the ingredients as they came out looked sensational. Once under starters orders we hopped from our desk and entered the fray, cajoling the chefs along with Guy, also from Juice FM. The public could watch too, on a huge TV projection. I was somewhat disappointed that I was not allowed

to award extra points for the first cut and blue sticking plaster to be brought into play, nor deduct points for swearing. The girls however were more than keen to vote on the chef’s bottoms. At the end of the day, Sevendials stole the prize by a tiny margin from Whites. Whites‘ chef Stuart was a whizz and his food was delicious, but Sevendials had it just with a very slick and refined three courses. The Tin Drum fought a valiant game but were hampered by owner Dave acting as commis chef and a difficult draw of rabbit and plaice, all un-filleted. The Crown Inn did two excellent courses but ran out of time and, sorry, strawberries and cream did not cut it in the final count. I hope that they do this again next year. It was well run thanks to the teams at Whites and at Murray Media, good fun and well attended. I can’t wait to get back to Whites either and find out exactly how good Stuart is in normal conditions, as his pigeon dish and a superb skate wing with lighly pickled vegetables were temptation enough, while a salad of minutely diced rhubarb and vanilla had my tongue dancing. Whites, 23 High Street, Steyning, BN44 3YE 01903 812347 Sevendials Restaurant, 1 Buckingham Place, Seven Dials, Brighton, BN1 3TD 01273 885555 The Tin Drum, 95-97 Dyke Road, Brighton BN1 3JE 01273 777575 The Crown Inn, Worthing Road, Dial Post, Horsham, West Sussex RH13 8NH 01403 710902

John Hogan and Mark Kinzel of Seven Dials, George White of Whites, and judges; Andrew Kay, Laura Lockington and Andrea Fox

the indian tandoor 216 Church Road, Hove

01273 770704 01273 722216

2 Course Meal £9.95*pp Sunday to Thursday (excl. Bank Holiday) *conditions apply *offer must be mentioned when ordering food

10% DISCOUNT ON TAKEAWAY FOOD

018_LS428_reviews/index

6/11/09

2:50 PM

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18 LATEST LISTINGS

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 16 – 22 JUNE Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk The Collings and Herrin Podcast Live A packed evening opened with Andrew Collins (of every E4 list show fame) delivering a short but interesting ‘lecture with jokes’ focusing on the Mitford sisters and some odd dancing. After a strong stand up set from Richard Herring it was onto the podcast – one hour, six minutes and 36 seconds of obscene irreverence and hilarious banter between the two which worked in front of an audience brilliantly. Even after that they took questions and kept the laughs coming late into the night. If you download the resulting podcast you can hear my own uproarious laughter throughout. Come back soon Collings and Herrin; we want more!

Florence and The Machine Florence Welch may have a big fringe and give kooky interviews, but she ain’t no Lily Allen. Tonight the 22-year-old rose goddess-like from the stage, her chiffon shawl and Titian locks billowing behind her. Yes, there was a wind machine and rather a lot of cape-flapping, but the performance more than lived up to the stagetwirling melodramatics. With soaring vocals to rival Jefferson Airplane’s Grace Slick, and some hair-on-end harmonies and harp-plucking, F&TM delivered a phenomenal set, from the shouty ’Kiss with a Fist’ to a soul-raising cover of Candi Staton’s ’You Got the Love’. Will these young upstarts ever come down to earth? Let’s hope not.

Duke of York’s Picturehouse, 28 May

Concorde, 2 June

★★★★★

★★★★★ Simon Plotkin

King Creosote and Pictish Trail These two canny Scots have built up a rapport/on-stage banter which is both laugh out loud and unforced. Johnny Lynch, aka Pictish Trail, took us through an initial set of what could be loosely termed neo-folk with interregna of bleep noise from the eighties. The old school synths/sound boxes on stage melded well together second half (when they could get them to work) with the acoustics of King Creosote, aka Kenny Anderson, and together he and Pictish played a captivating, if occasionally bland, send-off. Best track by a country mile, ’Ça Fait Nul’. Duke of York’s Picturehouse, 3 June

★★★✩ ✩ Jan Goodey

Mark Thomas p22

19 Stage Last of the Summer Wine in Eastbourne

20 Film This week‘s box office

21 Kids & events Summertime at the Sussex Country Fair

21 Books

Colette Bernhardt

With Markus Zusak, author of The Book Thief

Hot review of the week

Reverend Billy and The life After Shopping Choir Reverend Billy and The Life After Shopping Choir rock with a righteous vengeance! This show from the New York-based group (who earlier exorcised the infamous Starbucks on St James’s St) was a raucous mix of gospel song, Sister Act-style dance, and uplifting preaching – politico/philosophical and spiritual too, natch – from the bona fide Reverend. A moving sermon from the Rev on monoculture, the corporate bullying powers of Tesco, Walmart and Starbucks, and the ‘local rights movement’, oh, and an exorcism of a credit card holder. This was one gig that heralded, as the Rev called it: “Change-ellujah”. Amen to that. The Basement, 1 June

★★★★★ Monica Perdoni

Ken Dodd Quite literally hours of fun and frivolity with the veteran comedian. A consummate showman, renowned for the length of his show – over four hours on this occasion – Ken Dodd had the Dome audience in the palm of his hand from the start, and it just got better. Apart from a few interludes with his guest, the comedy never let up. Quick fire one-liners, and meandering stories, musical interludes, all perfectly crafted, all with impeccable timing. Despite clearly having trouble with a chesty cough, this was an amazing, energetic performance. There were the usual jokes about the Inland Revenue, politicians, lots of local references, merciless ad-libs at the expense of the audience, but above all a real affection and connection with an audience, which is rare to see.

22 Comedy Victoria has a chin-wag with Mark Thomas

22 Art Lidia De Pedro’s first solo exhibition

23 Music Michael Goldwasser of Easy Star All Stars

2 6 Clubs Throw some shapes

27 Gay Sussex Beacon half marathon plans

30 Television On the box this week

Dome Concert Hall, 7 June

★★★★★ Candy McNamara

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk

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6/12/09

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STAGE 19

By gum dahling The premiere of the BBC classic Last Of The Summer Wine and a second chance to catch Brief Encounter as Kneehigh steam into Devonshire Park in Eastbourne astbourne Theatres have announced that this summer’s in-house produced show will be a stage version of the BBC classic Last of the Summer Wine. Ruth Madoc leads a star cast which also includes; Tony Adams (Crossroads) and Steven Pinder (Brookside) in this world premiere from the pen of comedy-writing legend Roy Clarke OBE. When Last of the Summer Wine – The Moonbather takes to the stage for the first time, you can expect plenty of mad-cap misunderstandings and the mandatory wheel barrow catastrophe as the ageing delinquents, Foggy, Ruth Madoc Compo and Clegg, get themselves hit comedy Little Britain. in and out of hot water. Joining Ruth is Tony Adams, Roy Clarke OBE is one of the who starred in Crossroads as country’s best known comedy Adam Chance for over 10 writers. First broadcast on BBC years and recently appeared in One in 1973, Roy Clarke has London’s West End in the written every episode of Last of musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. the Summer Wine and is also the Steven Pinder returns to the creator of Open All Hours, Keeping Up Devonshire Park Theatre following Appearances and Ain’t Misbehavin’. Clarke roles in Private Lives, Deadly Game and adapted the Last of the Summer Wine Neville’s Island. However he remains Chronicles to write The Moonbather in 2003 synonymous with the role of yuppie Max in and has been working closely with Brookside, a part he played for 13 years. Eastbourne Theatres and the show’s director Last of the Summer Wine – The Moonbather is at Chris Jordan to bring this brand new the Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne from 15 production to the stage. July until 8 August prior to extensive national tour. Playing for three weeks, prior to a national Tickets are priced from £13.50 – £19.50 with nightly tour, Ruth Madoc heads up the cast. Best performances Monday to Saturday at 7.45pm, with known and loved for her portrayal of loveWednesday and Saturday matinees at 2.30pm. struck yellow coat Gladys Pugh in Hi-de-Hi, To book call the box office on 01323 412000 or Welsh wonder Ruth has toured the country online www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk in major musicals and more recently was andrew@thelatest.co.uk reinvented as Daffyd’s accepting mother in

The enchantingly romantic Brief Encounter, London’s most talked about show, arrives at Eastbourne’s Devonshire Park Theatre for one week from Tuesday 7 July. Emma Rice, artistic director of the world-renowned Kneehigh Theatre Company, has taken one of the most beloved films of all time, the stage play on which it was based and the music and songs of Noël Coward, to create this stunning new Brief Encounter. Brought to you by the award-winning producers of Calendar Girls, Equus and Rebecca, Brief Encounter has a company of ten actor musicians who switch seamlessly between theatre and film to recreate the world of Milford Junction in ways that have never been seen before, creating a unique theatrical evening. This amazing show has left both audiences and critics overwhelmed by emotion, laughter, tears and praise for the production. It will take you back to a bygone age of sheer romance, and will make you fall in love with theatre all over again. The lives and loves of three couples are played out in the famous station tearoom, using the words and songs of Noël Coward, to create a breathtaking, delightfully funny and tear-inducing show. Do not miss this chance to experience a night at the theatre that you will remember, and take with you, always. Brief Encounter, Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne for one week only from Tuesday 7 – Saturday 11 July. With nightly performances at 7.45pm, Wednesday and Saturday matinees at 2.30pm. Tickets are priced from just £13.50 –£21 with concessions available, to book call 01323 412000 or online at www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

Stage listings Tuesday 16 June to Monday 29 June Brighton Pavilion Theatre

Chichester Festival Theatre

01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Room on the Broom The latest children’s play by Tall Stories, the company behind the stage adaptations of The Gruffalo and The Gruffalo's Child. Room on the Broom is the story of a witch and her cat. • 27 June, 11am, 2pm & 4pm, £7/5

01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Oklahoma The story of an Oklahoma farm girl, Laurey, who is forced to choose between Curly, the happy-go-lucky cowboy she loves, and Judd, the mysterious loner she fears. • 16 June-29 August, 7.30pm. Please check with venue to confirm, £12-36 The House of Special Purpose The story of a deposed Russian Tsar and his family as they are held captive by communist soldiers in post-revolution Russia. • 20 June - 22 August, Minerva Theatre, 7.45pm. Please check with venue to confirm, £26.50

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Menopause The Musical This all-singing, all-dancing comedy is set in a department store, where four women with seemingly nothing in common meet by chance at a lingerie sale. The all-female cast makes fun of their experience of “The Change”. • 25-27 June, 7.30pm, £18

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre

New Venture Theatre, Brighton

01323 412000 ww.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Women On The Verge Of HRT Two Daniel O’Donnell fans are suddenly confronted by the realities of their lives. • 16-20 June, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50 Up ‘n’ Under John Godber’s popular play. Set 'somewhere in the north of England', Up 'n' Under follows the fortunes of the Wheatsheaf Arms amateur rugby side. • 23-27 June, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50

01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk The Maids/Deathwatch A Jean Genet double bill. Two plays with one theme: the ritualistic struggles of outcasts and their oppressors. • 20-27 June, 7.45pm, also 2.30pm Sun, no evening performances Sun & Mon, £5-8.50

The Hawth, Crawley 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk The Vagina Monologues Based on author Eve Ensler's interviews conducted with women from all around the world, this witty and moving collection of tales gives voice to a chorus of lusty, outrageous, poignant human stories. • 18 June, 8pm, £20

Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Horrid Henry Horrid Henry’s war on grown-ups, rules and all things boring is re-created in this funny and fast-moving brand new stage show. • 18–21 June, Thurs 1.30pm, Fri 6.30pm, Sat 11am, 2.30pm & 6.30pm, Sun 11am & 2.30pm, £12.50–16.50.

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Blood Brothers The captivating and moving story of twin boys, separated at birth. • 16–20 June, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £15–27.

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6/10/09

12:25 PM

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20 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 16

Thursday 18

ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 11.50, 6.00 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 12.10 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 2.30, 5.00, 7.45 RED CLIFF (15) 1.45, 5.15, 8.30 THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 3.00 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.10, 2.45, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 8.15, 9.15 VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA (12A) 8.50

ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 10.40, 6.00 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 GRAN TORINO (15) 10.30am LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 12.10 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 2.30, 5.00, 7.45 RED CLIFF (15) 1.45, 5.15, 8.30 THE HANGOVER (15) 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.05 THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 3.00, 8.50 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.10, 2.45, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 8.15, 9.15

Wednesday 17 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 11.50, 6.00 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 12.10 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 2.30, 5.00, 7.45 RED CLIFF (15) 1.45, 5.15, 8.30 THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) 1.00, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 3.00, 8.50 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.10, 2.45, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 8.15, 9.15

Films showing Friday 19–Monday 22 TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (TBC) CORALINE 3D (PG) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 16

Saturday 20

LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30 TWO LOVERS (15) 11.00am

BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA (U) 11.00am FERMAT’S ROOM (LA HABITACION DE FERMAT) (12A) 4.00, 9.00

Wednesday 17 LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 TWO LOVERS (15) 11.00am

Thursday 18 LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00

Friday 19 FERMAT’S ROOM (LA HABITACION DE FERMAT) (12A) 4.00, 9.00

Sunday 21 FERMAT’S ROOM (LA HABITACION DE FERMAT) (12A) 4.00, 9.00 GOLDFINGER (PG) 4.00

Monday 22 FERMAT’S ROOM (LA HABITACION DE FERMAT) (12A) 4.00, 9.00

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 16 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 2.30, 8.30 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.00, 2.15, 4.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 6.50, 9.20 THE HANGOVER (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.10 THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) 11.40, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.40 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.50, 4.15, 6.30 STAR TREK (12A) 11.50, 5.35, 9.00 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.45, 9.45

Wednesday 17 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 2.30, 8.30 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.00, 2.15, 4.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 6.50, 9.20 THE HANGOVER (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.10 THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) 11.40, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.40

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.50, 4.15, 6.30 STAR TREK (12A) 11.50, 5.35, 9.00 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.45, 9.45

Thursday 18 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 2.30, 8.30 CORALINE 3D (PG) 12.00, 2.15, 4.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 6.50, 9.20 THE HANGOVER (15) 1.20, 4.00, 6.40, 9.10 THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) 11.40, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.40 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.50, 4.15, 6.30 STAR TREK (12A) 11.50, 5.35, 9.00 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.45, 9.45

Films showing Friday 19–Monday 22 TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (TBC) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 16 – Thurs 18

Saturday 20

TERMINATOR: SALVATION (12A) 8.00pm

DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION (PG) 10.15am CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (TBC) Dir: Michael Bay Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox return to look beautiful, make friends with Autobots and battle evil Decepticons out to destroy the world in some truly awesome big budget blow ups. Joining the pretty crew are Rainn Wilson and Josh Duhamel – themselves not hit by the ugly stick. Big bangs for big bucks. Cool. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon The Last House On The Left (18) Dir: Dennis Illiadis Gruesome and nasty hits the screen with a splat in this remake of a Wes Craven classic horror. It recounts the kidnap and brutal attack of a young girl, only for the perpetrators to unknowingly try to find refuge in the house of her parents, who are out for revenge. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Terminator: Salvation (12A) Dir: McG Christian Bale takes up the role of John Conner as the Terminator franchise finally moves into the future. Things are not as they are supposed to be though and the appearance of the mysterious Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) could provide the answers they need to put it back on track. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Last Chance Harvey (12A) Dir: Joel Hopkins Dustin Hoffman stars as Harvey, a jingle writer given one last chance to save his job – and then he misses his flight home from London. Whoops. Drowning his sorrows at the airport he meets Kate (Emma Thompson) and an unlikely friendship is struck up. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon Looking For Eric (15) Dir: Ken Loach

Steve Evets stars in this touching comedy about a postman with a chaotic family life and a passion for football. Feeling the pressure of facing the woman he once loved – Lily – his mood sinks, and his mates do their best to cheer him up. Hooray for mates! Showing at Duke Of York’s and Cineworld Drag Me to Hell (15) Dir: Sam Raimi L.A. loans officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) becomes cursed after repossessing the house of a mysterious old woman. With the help of a seer, she attempts to dispel the curse, but how far is she willing to go for the cure? With Raimi back at the helm in the genre that made him famous, expect a thrilling encounter with the supernatural. Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Duke of York’s Fermat’s Room (Habitacion de Fermat) (12A) Dir: Luis Piedrahita and Rodrigo Sopeña Four mathematicians are gathered together on a remote island on the pretext of discussing a great enigma. Soon they find that they are locked in a room and it is getting smaller, gradually set to crush them if they don’t solve the mathematical questions fired at them. How to get out and what’s the motive? Showing at Duke Of York’s Two Lovers (15) Dir: James Gray It’s the age old question for Joaquin Phoenix – does he go for the nice girl his parents want him to marry or the volatile lady next door who really lights his fire? With the lovely ladies in question played by Vinessa Shaw and Gwyneth Paltrow respectively, it’s a difficult choice to make. Showing at Duke Of York’s The Last House On The Left

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KIDS & EVENTS | BOOKS 21

Write club

Events highlights

Write Club talks to Markus Zusak about The Book Thief, which gripped Brighton and Hove during City Reads How do you feel about a whole city reading your book? (I saw people reading it in the theatre, on the bus and in the laundrette.) It’s exciting and nerve-wracking simultaneously. There’s a part of you that loves the idea of seeing someone reading your book, but then there’s another part that dreads seeing them yawn or put it down... I’ve never seen anyone reading my book, but if I did, I’d definitely want it to be in a laundrette.

Sussex Country Fair This weekend the Country Fair comes to Parham Park in West Sussex, and is a chance to celebrate rural heritage. The fair includes a whole host of different activities including steam engine displays, Gundog challenges, falconry shows and fishing lessons. The fair showcases local produce as well as arts and crafts, which offers plenty of opportunities for shopping. There is also the chance to enter the Mitsubishi Motors Clay Pigeon Shooting Championship with the prize of a brand new car worth £20,000 for the winner. All this takes place in the historic estate of Parham Park. Sussex Country Fair, Parham Park, near Pulborough, Saturday 20 – Sunday 21, 8.30am-6pm, Last entrance 3.30pm, £11 Adults, £4 Children, £29 Family ticket. 0845 230 5175. For more details and directions visit www.countrymanfairs.co.uk/sussex.

bullying, with children trained in school to listen to and look after their peers. The Buddy Bash will feature a climbing wall, disco, diary room and stalls, and an awards ceremony for the children, with Albion players presenting certificates. Buddy Bash, Brighton Racecourse, Saturday 18 June, by invitation only. www.safety-net.org.uk

Midnight Walk Hundreds of women will take to the streets this Friday night for a midnight walk through Brighton. Organisers of the 13-mile, women-only walk hope to raise £150,000 for the Martlets Hospice in Hove. Places on the walk cost £10 and it begins and ends at Brighton Racecourse. Martlets Midnight Walk 2009, Brighton Racecourse,11.30pm, Friday 19 June, £10. To register call the fundraising office on 01273 747455 or visit www.martletshospice.org.uk.

Buddy Bash

Saturday 20 From Basement to Bottle A special tour of the ‘out of bounds’ parts of the Royal Pavilion. Royal Pavilion, 2pm4pm, £25/21 (inc tea & biscuits)

Saturday 20 - Sunday 21 Traditional English Summer Fayre With different shows and attractions at each stop along the Bluebell Railway line, there

What about from people who lived through it? The nicest thing was probably by my parents, who said they felt like they were there again. No matter what happened after that, I felt like I had done enough, because they’re pretty harsh judges.

What book should we choose for City Reads next year? That’s a tough one, there are so many. How about Old School by Tobias Wolff? He’s a masterful writer and it’s a truly memorable book. See more answers from Markus at www.thelatest.co.uk/7

Events listings Pavilion Proms A short promenade concert performed by members of the Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra in the Pavilion’s Music Room, featuring works popular in the Regency period. Royal Pavilion, 7pm, £15/12. Call 03000 290902.

What responses have you had from readers? I’m just grateful that anyone would even read it. I honestly thought this would be my least successful book, but it’s been the opposite. It’s not the easiest book to recommend to your friends, is it? Nazi Germany. Narrated by death. Nearly everyone dies. 580 pages long... I think, more than anything else, I feel grateful for everything that’s happened.

What's your next book? I’m working on a book about a boy obsessed with building the perfect bridge. It’s not going very well at the moment, but I hope that if I give it the time it needs, it will start to work for me.

Anti-bullying charity Safety Net are laying on a 'Buddy Bash' to celebrate and promote the antibullying scheme. The Bash, which is organised by children ties in with national Child Safety Week (22-28 June). The Buddy scheme is designed to reduce

Thursday 18

How did you research it? The main research was pretty much just growing up in Sydney. My parents would sometimes tell us stories about growing up in Germany and Austria, and I was lucky they were good story tellers. It was always very off the cuff, but they were able to transport my brother and my sisters and me to another world. They made me want to become a writer. I did go to Germany as well, but it was after the book was written. I went there to check my facts. Of course, I did a lot of research in libraries and museums throughout the process.

Book listings will be plenty to keep the family occupied. Events include: Punch & Judy shows, face painting, fancy dress and juggling. Traditional English Summer Fayre, Bluebell Railway, 10am-5pm, £5-27.50. Call 01825 720800 or visit www.bluebell-railway.co.uk.

Tuesday 16 June

Thursday 18 June

Paddy Ashdown Former Lib Dem leader, soldier, and High Representative for Bosnia talks about his new autobiography ‘A Fortunate Life’. www.theoldmarket.co.uk, The Old Market, 6.30pm, £6 (includes a free glass of wine).

Books on Sussex Snake River Press present an evening with five authors of books about the county. Authors include Peter Bridgewater (An Eccentric Tour of Sussex) and Pat Bowen (20 Sussex Walks). brighton.borders.co.uk/events, Borders, 6.30pm, Free.

Coming Soon: Tuesday 23 June Malcom Gladwell Author of the critically acclaimed ‘Outliers’ performs his new show, with storytelling as well as book signings. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £12.50/10. For information and tickets www.brightondome.org or call 01273 709709.

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22 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle chats to comedian, activist, novelist and policy collector Mark Thomas

ark Thomas is enjoying the sunshine, but more than that, he’s enjoying his new tour. Obviously there’s going to be some political content to it – this is Mark Thomas, scourge of the status quo and campaigner for the little people. But how will it manifest? So I asked him – what’s the show about? “Okay. It’s a comedy show, and basically what I do is I ask people to come up with suggestions for policies to improve our lives and make the world a better place. And people put forward their policies and then we discuss them in the show and then we vote on them and we choose a policy and I go and campaign upon it.” That sounds brilliant. And he’s had some classic policies come out of it so far. “Some of them we've started working on already. The good thing is there's loads of really really good ideas. It’s really fun to do.” Any examples? “Last night when we were in Manchester they insisted on having two policies. The policy at one was that you should have a recall system for MPs so that you can sign a petition and recall an MP back to their constituency now and again. The other one that won was that there should be an age of consent for religion.” It makes you think. Then Mark volunteers a brilliant suggestion. “One of my favourite ones that I thought would win but didn’t was that bailiffs should be middle class. I thought that was superb. It would be wonderful. They’d just turn up and look at it and go: ”Well, there’s nothing worth taking here, darling”. I asked the woman who suggested it, I said: ”Why did you come up with it?”, and she said in this broad Mancunian accent: ”They turn up and we’d just do the scary accent and then they’d **** off”. Class. And action can be practically instantaneous. What’s Mark Thomas been up to today? “We just had a demonstration outside Hazel Blears’s house. Where we’ve declared it a tax free zone.” We chuckle. Hazel Blears, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, resigned the next day. Any connection?

Mark Thomas: It’s The Stupid Economy is on at Komedia, Tuesday 16 and Wednesday 17 June at 8pm, tickets cost £15/10.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “I spoke to my mum today... because I don’t have caller ID.” Jo Caulfield

Comedy listings Thursday 18

Friday 19

So You Think You're Funny! The most prestigious of all stand-up competitions comes to town for the Brighton heats. Komedia, 8.pm, £6. SHH! It’s Someone, Holland & Hume Fresh from their sellout show at the Brighton Festival Fringe, up-and-coming comedians Jim Holland and Lee Hume present their engaging comedy. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 8pm, £5/4.

Joey Page Stand-up, guests, sketches, video clips and rubbish mini-quizzes from this eccentric young comic. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 9.30pm, £7/5.

Monday 22 Rob Heeney and James Sherwood Two Edinburgh shows for a fiver – bargain! Brought to you by Funny Farm. Farm Tavern, 8pm, £5.

Jon Richardson Named Best Breakthrough Act at last year’s Chortle Awards, Jon Richardson is best known to BBC 6Music audiences as Russell Howard’s former sidekick on the Sunday morning show which he now hosts himself. Brought to you by Knock Knock comedy. Caroline of Brunswick, 8pm, £8.

Lidia’s best man Every picture tells a story in Lidia De Pedro’s first solo exhibition Spanish artist Lidia de Pedro’s first solo show The Best Man & Company includes all new work with engaging titles such as ’Flower Power’, ’My Sweetie’, ’The Blood Sucker’, ’The Eating Machine’ and ’Give Me Poison Today I Wanna Die’. In Lidia’s art every picture tells a story; the

symbols, icons and images in each work are there for a reason and all have meaning taken from personal and life experiences, family relationships, politics, social criticism and religion. Lidia de Pedro: The Best Man & Company, 19 June–12 July, Ink_d Gallery

Art listings Ditchling Museum Church Lane, Ditchling 01273 844744 Drawn from Ditchling: Portraits from a Sussex Village Portraits from the Museum’s collection – paintings and drawings, caricatures and photographs, word and film – celebrate the artists who have lived in Ditchling as well as local people who have drawn, painted and photographed in this village. • Until December 2009, Tues–Sat 10.30am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

• 19 June–12 July, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens 01273 290900 The American Scene: Prints From Hopper to Pollock 56 modern American artists are featured at this popular exhibition documenting America from the turn of the century to the 1950s. • Until 31 Aug, Tues 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

by donating original work to the 2009 Quentin Follies Art Auction. This exhibition/auction offers the chance to purchase original works of art, with all proceeds going to the Quentin Bell Commemoration Fund. • Until 11 July, Wed–Sun 12.30–6pm

Boxbird St. John’s Road, Hove 01273 734295 Zara Wood: Small Wonders Solo exhibition by this character-driven illustrator. •19 June–12 July

Ink_d Gallery

Charleston Farmhouse

Rodhus Gallery

96 North Road 01273 645299 Lidia De Pedro: The Best Man & Company Originals, limited editions, hand-finished screen prints, box sets and perspex work for this Spanish artist’s first solo show.

Firle, Lewes 01323 811626 The Quentin Follies Art Auction Exhibition Some of Britain’s best artists, including Sir Peter Blake and Maggi Hambling, have supported Charleston farmhouse

16-30 Hollingdean Road 01273 694124 Josh Johnson: Next to the Speakers An exhibition of paintings at this new gallery space. • Until 17 June, Mon–Fri 9am–5.30pm

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MUSIC NEWS 23

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

news ▲

On yer bike Bike Week takes place from this week (14 to 21 June) in Brighton and as well as the infamous Naked Bike Ride there’s plenty of other, perhaps less risqué, activities taking place including those of the musical variety. Local promoters Melting Vinyl are presenting a series of gigs and events during the week including a free breakfast on Hove seafront with music supplied by Pollito Boogaloo’s Latin American-style percussive workouts and Brighton’s answer to Half Man Half Biscuit, The Hornblower Brothers, on 18 June (7.30am–10am). On 20 June you can go on a fancy dress run along the new Hove bike lane during the day whilst checking out the electro pop sounds of The Woo!Worths. Melting Vinyl will also be presenting four gigs in and about bike shops; Ninja Tune’s Brighton-based artists Grasscut weave bike sounds into their atmospheric electronica set along George Street; Fanfara will provide the Eastern European brass sound including the playing of bike parts in the Open Market; Portslade will be hosting a local under 16s act; and Los Piratas play their South American percussion and melodies on Sydney Street. For the grand finale Grasscut and Fanfara play a late night set on 20 June at the Duke of York’s cinema. For details of these and all other events go to www.journeyon.co.uk

Sergeant dub Michael Goldwasser is the backbone of the Easy Star All Stars. Jeff Hemmings spoke with him t was 42 years ago that Sgt Pepper came out to play… And since its release it has attained status as perhaps the most iconographic recording of the pop era, the defining pinnacle of the career of the greatest band of all time; The Beatles. This year saw the release of the Easy Star All Stars re-working of this album, their third fantastic reconstruction of classic albums that started with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and continued with a radical reworking of Radiohead’s OK Computer. “We weren’t thinking of doing a series of adaptations,” says founder member and producer Michael Goldwasser from his New York home. “Victor (one of the founders) happened to be listening to Dark Side of the Moon and he had this really great idea. We whipped up a few basic arrangements and it worked!” Work it did, becoming an underground sensation. Before this success Michael and his band were reggae musicians plying their love of the late 70s and 80s reggae sound in New York clubs and venues. “At the time (the mid 90s) we wanted to bring back the concept of Jamaican reggae using analogue, vintage recording techniques and doing it live.” While both Dub Side of the Moon (as it was christened) and Radiodread (as OK Computer was called) seemed ready made to be dubbed up and reggae-fied, Sgt Pepper, perhaps, wasn’t such an easy

the

Back again, this time at the biggest venue in town. Does it get any better for her? Sunday 13 December, Brighton Centre

Big

Lily Allen

gig

offering. “Both Dark Side and OK were more dark albums and full of minor keys and made for ‘dread’ reggae. But we wanted to do something more upbeat and in major keys and we thought it would be cool to try Pepper.” Was he a fan of the album? “When I was ten we went on a family holiday to Tel Aviv and my aunt had a vinyl version of the album which we listened to every day in the summer. I pretty much learned it on a tenyear-old level.“ Combining his love of Sgt Pepper with working with some of the greatest reggae musicians on the planet must be a dream come true for Michael? “Even today it’s amazing for me to work with these artists, like Sugar Minott, who I loved when I was growing up. It’s a bit weird to be able to tell him what to do in the studio!”

UPCOMING GIGS Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Answer 24 June, Concorde 2 The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Georgie Fame 26 June, Dome Ozamatli 1 July, Concorde 2 Bryan Adams 2 July, Dome M83 6 July, Concorde 2 The Bar-Kays 2 July, Old Market La Excelenci 9 July, Old Market Freak Power 10 July, Concorde 2 Loop 11–12 July, Victoria Gardens Still Black:Still Proud 13 July, Concorde 2 Bill Callahan 18 Aug, Duke of York’s Wedding Present 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Sister Sledge 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Beachdown 28–31 August

Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Talvin Singh 23 Sept, Concorde 2 Kelly Joe Phelps 29 Sept, Komedia Brighton Live 30 Sept–3 Oct Hockey 1 October, Digital Joan Baez 5 Oct, Dome Skindred 19 Oct, Concorde 2 Orquesta Buena Social Club 20 Oct, Dome Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre Dizzee Rascal 27 Oct, Dome Dreadzone 2 Nov, Komedia UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Alice Cooper 5 Dec, Brighton Centre James Morrison 8 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre Lily Allen 13 Dec, Brighton Centre

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24 MUSIC

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 June

Tuesday 16 Aaron King + Villareal + Stars Down To Earth Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Athlete + Tape The Radio + Iain Archer The Brit indie boys road test their new tracks in an intimate setting. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £15. Hafdis Huld (ex GusGus) Icelandic singersongwriter. Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Jarvis Cocker + The Horrors Ex-Pulp front man Jarvis is right back in the pop-rock gaze. Dome, 7pm, £18.

Wednesday 17 Back Lamp Senegalese folk hip-hop jazz fusion noodling band! Juggler Bar, 8pm, free. Billy Bragg + Otis Gibbs Dome, 8pm, £17.50. Burial Hex Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc. Club NME with Unicorn Kid + Soft Toy Emergency + The Crissars Fluffy electro-pop goodness! Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free. Dinosaur Pile-Up Melodramatic pop song. Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Red Is Cover Shutterspeed Single Release + guests Prince Albert, 8pm, free. So Darn So with Coco’s Lovers + Momeraths + Marcus Foster + Gabriel Burne + The Half Sisters The Hope, 9pm, £3. The Small Gods + Matt Carpanini + Chris Simmons Rhythmical rock guitars and acoustic pop. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4/3.

Thursday 18 A Day After Tomorrow + Among The Wolves + When Memories Fade + Pride Can Kill Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. I Heart Night With Heels Catch Fire Danceable indie rockers. The Hope, 8.30pm, £3. Indelicates + Pog Pop-rock meets a hybrid of ska, folk and indie. Komedia, 8pm, £5. It’s Alive Presents... Mr Jack Cooper + The Odd Couple Hectors House, 8.30pm, free. Phantomville + Trousseaux + Das Fenster Alternative rock, shot through with electronica. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Soundfactory Stripped with Our Fathers + Mike Newsham + Nigel Ball + Bertie The Providence, 8pm, £1. Southern Nights + Bob Fieberts Blues, rock and swing. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6. Two Spot Gobi + Koala Friday + Ruby Lux Komedia, 8pm, £6.

Friday 19 Big Girl Blues Band Motown, Trenchtown and Kentish Town. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £6/5. Club Chat Noir with The Hot Club of Belleville Hanbury Club, 7pm, £10/4. Educated Animals + Drookit Dogs + Kilto Take ‘Ziggy Stardust’ themed top indie night. The Hope, 8pm, £3. Hybrid 6.0 An epic collision of musical styles! Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £5. Kitsune Maison Tour with Chew Lips +

AutoKratz + Crystal Fighters + Beni Electroclash tinged pop and day-glo turbo-rave! Audio, 11pm, £7. Martha Reeves & The Vandellas (Rescheduled from Worthing) Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £25. Psyrens Local electro-riot-jazz duo. Cobbler's Thumb, 9pm, free. Ruderalis + 900 Spaces + Fantango Indie electro night. The Providence, 8pm, £1. Stiff Promotions Presents Raygun Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. The Meow Meows Ska LP Launch + Yokoko + The Kensingtons Prince Albert, 8pm, free. We Got Soul presents The Grand Majestic Eight-piece original funk soul band. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/3.

Jarvis Cocker Gosh, he’s popular, isn’t he? Initially a great story about perseverance (Pulp played their first in ‘80, recorded a Peel session in ‘81 but didn’t find any commercial, or indeed artistic, success until the early 90s with the band‘s umpteenth line-up). Nowadays, he’s fast becoming an elder statesman for the indie scene, dabbling in all manner of music related things including being a guest editor for Observer Music Monthly and presenting a potted history of song at Brighton Festival last year. Musically, he’s still experimenting and changing with the seasons, although his new new album Further Complications, is a stripped back rock’n’roll affair, with nods to MC5, glam rock and new wave in amongst the astute lyrical intrigue. Tuesday 16 June, Dome

album should be dropped any day now. Thursday 18 June, Komedia

Saturday 20 Austin Lucas (U.S) + Mike Hale (U.S) + Josh Small (U.S) Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Buzz Club with Saw Gang Buzz + Longtomb + Go Johnny Go Hectors House, 8.30pm, free. Doghouse Imagine the love child of Guns n’ Roses and AC/DC! Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £4. Failsafe Pulsating, melodic punk with ska-core influences. Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Penguin Cafe Informed by Celtic, Bluegrass and South American music. De La Warr Pavilion, 7.30pm, £16. Proxy Music with Heidi Heelz Delectable Roxy repertoire. The Hope, 8pm, £6/5. Summer Solstice Ceilidh Foot-stomping, frolicking hoedown. Corn Exchange, 7pm, £5–22. Unity Gathering with Dialect + Lowkidubs + Rasabyjah + DJ Shiver + Defcon 1 + Donzebby + Miss Polly Dubstep, roots, hip hop and reggae. The World’s End, 8pm, free.

Sunday 21 I Heart Hiroshima Charismatic stage wackiness! Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. John Mann 70th Birthday Show Dome, 2.30pm, £10. The Junk + The Fallthrough + Meatloaf at Marys + Asbo Retards Rock, hardcore and sing-a-long punk noise. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. The Wiggles - ’You Make Me Feel Like Dancing’ Tour Brighton Centre, 11am, £14.50. Vineyard with The Evening Service Gospel at it’s soulful best. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, free.

Monday 8 A night of Folk music with Declan McClafferty + lawrence gotts + Tim Salmond Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Breakthrough with Rough Trade The best breaking acts. Latest Music Bar, 7:30pm, £5/4. Shadows Chasing Ghosts + Avalon + Second Summer Angst-ridden vocals. Freebutt, 7:30pm, free. Jaime Pettit

Roast Jazz

Billy Bragg

The Hot Club of Belleville Experience the sounds of the 20s and 30s with Brighton’s premier gypsy jazz swing outfit, making an appearance at the long running Club Chat Noir. Tonight they will be launching their album with support from resident DJ Mike the Mic and guest DJs Watkins-Pitchford and Rob Arcari. Friday 19 June, Hanbury Club

Jarvis Cocker

Martha Reeves & The Vandellas Hard to believe that this Motown sensation of the 60s is playing our very own Concorde 2, a venue better known for indie, hip hop and dance. Expect all of the legendary hits including Dancing In The Street, Heat Wave, Nowhere to Run, Jimmy Mack and I’m Ready For Love performed by Miss Martha Reeves, the original Vandella sisters and a full 9 piece band. A sort of intimate warm up for their arena tour of the UK! Friday 19 June, Concorde 2

Billy Bragg Like Cocker, Bragg is also approaching an elder statesman plateau, but in the field of folk-punk and hard-left politics. Seriously divisive in his younger days, there is a mellowing maturity about Bragg which is endearing him to the mainstream and should stand him in good stead for the next 20+ years. And like Cocker he’s dabbled in all sorts of media and entertainment type things recently, but is still at the core a prolific and thoughtful observer and storyteller. Wednesday 17 June, Dome Two Spot Gobi Brighton acoustic soul mainstays who continue to inch ever upwards in their search for the mainstream. Formed at Sussex University and led by singer James Robinson they are a highly musical outfit whose influences include Jamiroquai, The Police and Elbow. They recently played at the Leeza Gibbons Oscars aftershow party and are good mates with Jason Mraz, often playing with him in the UK and in USA. Debut

Martha Reeves

Every Sunday from 12.30 £10 including lunch Upcoming Artists Sun 21 June

01273 687171 14–17 manchester street

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MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART 25

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases he Who’s landmark album Tommy was originally released in the late 60s, a remarkable work from a band who only four years earlier were churning out mod anthems like ‘My Generation’ and ‘Substitute’. Egged on by opera fan and manager of the band Kit Lambert, Pete Townsend set out about creating one of the ultimate concept albums of all time, a fantasy story set to music. Over the next few years no less than four different versions of Tommy appeared including Lou Reizner’s 1972 work which was performed by the London Symphony Orchestra and English Chamber Choir with guest soloists including Richie Havens, Steve Winwood, Sandy Denny, Rod Stewart and members of The Who themselves. A largely successful work that sits snugly behind the more grandiose rock version, and the vaguely surreal adventure of the film version released in ‘75. The punk-art terrorists Manic Street Preachers were meant to last no longer than a couple of years, as they waged a fauxrevolutionary battle that bit the dust as quickly as it arrived. However, the band have always been a substantial lot, who behind the artful sloganeering have always remained relatively faithful to their hard left leanings and social justice. Journal For Plague Lovers is their ninth studio creation, harder in sound (there’s a distinctive post-punk feel throughout) even if some of the lyrics and song titles are more impenetrable than ever (‘Jackie Collins Existential Question Time’, and ‘Virginia State Epileptic Colony’ anyone?). Signed to Brighton’s Tru Thoughts label, Lizzy Parks‘ second album This and That is an acoustic affair, featuring a mix of new songs and stripped back versions of songs that appeared on her debut. It’s still about the jazz though, even though the lightness of touch throughout is like a breath of fresh air; it’s not easy to sound this interesting with just minimal backing (on one track ‘Soyul Bird‘ it’s just her multi-layered and looped voice) but Parks‘ easy-going soulful voice is backed by the production and co-writing skills of Nostalgia 77’s Benedic Lambin. Musical exotica is all the rage now (much to the chagrin of the undergroundists who revelled in their secret passions) and look, it’s the turn of jazz swing fused with West Indian rhythms! Blind Blake and the Royal Victoria Hotel Calypsos were the house band at the Victoria Hotel in Nassau, Bahamas, from the 30s to the 60s. Despite losing his sight at age 16 the Bahamian born Blake developed a unique style that took in folk, early jazz, calypso. Bahamian songs is a collection dredged up from some old vinyl and it works a treat.

Sanctuary Cafe, Hove Thurs JUNE 25th

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Portslade – Waking Up ★ 2 Surfhunter – Bessie 3 Tubba 3 Ply – Gerhard 4 DJ Messa/Matt Perry Feat Kirsty Sillars – Somero 5 Carnival Collective – Freak Rocket 6 The Miserable Rich – Over and Over (Hot Chip cover) 7 Oceania – Leone 8 Sweet Violentine – Eva B 9 The Woo!worths – Idle Hands 10 The Red Attack – And You Command Everybody... Jaybee may be pelted from the top 10 by Portslade’s trip hop re-workings of Brit-pop classics, but his imaginary friends have him dominating the whole chart! The uplifting electronic vibes of Surfhunter, Tubba 3 Ply and DJ Messa all roll up a place this week. Leaving room for a new entry blasting in at five, the infectious rhythms belted out by Carnival Collective’s ranks of drums in ‘Freak Rocket’. 11 Jaybee Crazy Pearl 12 Jaybee Identity 13 Jaybee My Imaginary Friend 14 Jaybee Amen 15 Jaybee Miles To Go 16 Tractor Countdown Love’s Elusions 17 Heavyman Roses 18 The Adam Kidd Band Into The Night 19 Ree No Time To Waste 20 Tractor Countdown Little things

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26 BARS & CLUBS

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 June

Tuesday 16 Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2. Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS. Funky Buddha Lounge Subsplash. All star dub tracks and dub on the rising. 10.30pm, £3/free. New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2. Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1.

Ocean Rooms Strobe. Freq Nasty joins Strobe residents spinning an eclectic mash-up of styles plus pound drinks when the strobe strikes. 10.30pm, £2. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams. Rock’n’Roll. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night. 10pm–3am, £5/4. Tru Crunch. 10pm–2am, £5/free b4 11. Volks Shake Your Tailfeather. Live ska band, funk and soul plus massive breaks and hip-hop dropped in the basement. 11pm–4am, £5.

Wednesday 17

Saturday 20

Arc Life is Easy. A mid-week interlude. 10pm, free b4 12/£1 after. Audio Supercharged. Dancefloor-smashing beats from Sub Focus. 11pm–2.30am, £5/3. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live bands and DJs. 10.30pm–3.30am, free. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’b, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, free/£2. Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful, progressive bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/£2 after.

Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5. Audio Summer of Love. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Pop Musik. Unadulterated pop pleasures. 11pm–4am, £10/6. Followed By: Blow The After Party. High grade tech-house, techno and electro. 3am–8am, £7/4. Concorde 2 Supercharged. See highlights. 11pm, £12.50. Digital Playroom. 11pm, £15/12. Engine Rooms Classic Rock. Classic rock and metal night. 10pm–2am, free b4 10.30/£5 after. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. With Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10. Hanbury Club Margot’s Parties – A Shapely Event! Pop, house, dirty disco! 7pm–2am, £8. Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS. Jam EBoogie. E-lectronic Pop. 9pm–2am, free. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11. Komedia Spellbound. An 80s club night for all the haters of 80s nights. 9pm, £5. Komedia TrailerTrash! See highlights 9.30pm,£7. New Hero It is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night! 10pm, £3. Ocean Rooms Chatterbox – Reunion Party. Dirty basslines and dubstep beats. 10.30pm, £6. Om Bar and Club Floorgasm. The finest dirty, funky house/breaks/electro. 10pm, £tbc. Tru Girl’s Night Out. 9pm, free-8.50. Volks Insurgence vs Tonk. Fierce hard house and trance from Danny Gilligan and Mini Minx. 11pm–5am, £7/6.

Thursday 18 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1. Digital Vagabondz presents Exodus To Croatia. See highlights. 11pm, £7. Funky Buddha Lounge Love Lockdown. 7.30pm, £tbc. Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1. New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2. Om Bar and Club Thank Funk it’s Thursday. Funk, dub, reggae and dub-step. 8.30pm, free. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2.

Friday 19 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s dance floor classics. 11pm–3am, £3. Brighton Coalition Tentelicious. See highlights. 10pm, £6/5 NUS. Concorde 2 Official After Party to Martha Reeves and The Vandellas. Celebrating 50 years of Motown. 10.30pm, free to ticket holders. Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll, DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £4. Engine Rooms Deviant. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Funky Buddha Lounge Releases. Funky and soulful house music with a twist. 11pm, £6/free. Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50. Hanbury Club Club Chat Noir. Gypsy and 20s/30s Hot Swing club. 7pm–2am, £10/4. Honey Club Jank. Fidget House with Foamo and Boy 8 Bit. 11pm–4am, £tbc. Komedia Born Bad. Wild night of 50s rock’n’roll, 6Ts garage and girl groups. 11pm, £6/5. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe... Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3.

Sunday 7 Arc Irie A shake up of ragga. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1. The Open House We Change the Frequency Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free.

Monday 8 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm–3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe.10.30pm–2.30am,£3/1. Jam Sessions. D’n’B, Dub Step, Electro and House. 10pm–2am, £tbc. Om Bar and Club Spun. 8.30pm, £3. Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys.10pm–2.30am, £3/1 Jaime Pettit

with Jaime Pettit Vagabondz presents Exodus To Croatia Vagabondz have a rep for only delivering the full-fat live experience that’ll have you staggering to an after-party with limbs still flailing to the echoes. This month expect a staggering catalogue of hot noise. With live nine-piece, Gentleman’s Dub Club smashing out reggae and dub, and Plastician making your ears melt with grime and dub beats. Plus Dr Syntax and Stig of the Dump dropping some verses. Thursday 18 June, Digital Tentelicious Indoor festival extravaganza celebrating 10 years of the charity, Tenteleni. Featuring a mash up of everything from Balkan beats, breaks and psy trance. If underground sounds wasn’t enough to get you motivated there will be Socktopus puppet workshops, fairtrade jewellery, YumChaa tea stall, facepainting, hula

hoops and poi magical UV décor! Friday 19 June, Brighton Coalition Supercharged In times of the crunch we need a monster excuse to leave our house-bound cheap tinnies and this is it! A killer line-up awaits to turn your bass head inside out with a hybrid stew of beefed-up electro and thumping breaks from the Stanton Warriors! Plus vessel-bursting, low-end bass shot through with electro from Rusko. Brighton D’n’B boy High Rankin will be slamming down some nasty noise too. Can you afford to miss it? Saturday 20 June, Concorde 2 Trailer Trash! – Tarantino Special A night of the blood-soaked, the brain-smeared and the irrepressibly convoluted! Grisly cabaret hacked up with film scenes, a circus sideshow, burlesque and live acts. All precisely spliced to a soundtrack of rock ‘n’ roll, dirty electro, neoswing and classic 80s hits from resident DJs Mr Grinel and The Future Sound Of Elvis. Saturday 20 June, Komedia

Rusko @ Supercharged

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LATEST GAY 27

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Big plans The Sussex Beacon Half Marathon is aiming to double or triple in size over the next three years. Next year’s event on Sunday 21 February will be the 20th anniversary of the race. This year 6,083 people entered and 4,611 completed the distance, 20 percent more than in 2008 and higher than ever before. But organisers are looking to emulate the Bath Half Marathon, which has 14,000 runners. The Great North Run, one of the biggest half marathons in the UK, has 52,000 runners. Michael Royalton-Kisch, head of fundraising at Sussex Beacon, said: “This is an exciting time for the half marathon, with a new and better route, and plans to achieve fifteen thousand runners by 2012. We want the whole of Brighton to rally around this as the city‘s biggest sporting event.“ Next year Brighton will have a full marathon for the first time, on Sunday, 18 April, and Sussex

Beacon hopes runners aiming for the 26 mile race will use the half marathon as their essential warm-up, growing the half marathon numbers even further. Sussex Beacon in Beaconsfield Road is a treatment and palliative care centre for HIV and Aids. The number of HIV diagnoses in Brighton and Hove continues to rise, increasing by seven percent year on year. There are 1,700 people in the city receiving hospital treatment for HIV. www.sussexbeacon.org.uk

Pride partnership Latest 7 has been appointed an official media partner with Pride in Brighton and Hove for the first time. Pride‘s summer festival covers nine days of community events from 25 July to 2 August, including the parade and party in Preston Park on Saturday 1 August. Other events throughout the year include the Companion Dog Show at Hove

Rugby Club on Sunday 5 July. Rachel Pegg, Latest 7 editor, said: “We are extremely lucky in Brighton and Hove to have such a well organised Pride festival which sends such a positive message to the rest of the UK and abroad. “For a long time Latest has been a supporter of Pride and we‘re proud to be made an official partner.”

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LATEST GAY 29

Gay listings Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 June Tuesday 16 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase away the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. A double dose of cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free. Ghetto Quiz Alicious and Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound As A Pound. A mid-week mash-up throwing out 80s, 90s, 00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. 10.30pm, £1. The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free.

Wednesday 17 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free. Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free. Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 Queen’s Arms Pride’s Got Talent – Heat 1. Pitting Brighton’s most talented players against each other for the chance to storm Pride and bag a large cash prize! 12pm–1am, free. R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Li’l Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free Revenge London to Brighton. Bringing the upfront house sounds of London Taaan to Brighton with MOS and Housexy resident, Jake Duval. 10.30pm–3am, £4/2. The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free

Thursday 18 Charles Street Bar & Club Mad Cow XXL – My Cow is on Fire. DJs Li’l Alex and LeeRoy spinning funky house across two floors. 8pm–3am, £1. Ghetto HDSM. Hard dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls On Top. Golden Handbag winning night. Deck Heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after The Basement Boys Below. Men only night. Chart hit remixes and dance anthems. 11pm–4am, free

Friday 19 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girl's Night. 2 floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 8pm, free. Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes with DJ.

Plus unlimited drinks wristbands for £20! 9pm. R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop Vs Altitude. Top pop tunes from Stewart T plus upstairs find funky vocal house with DJ Alex Baker and guests. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Thank Funk it’s Friday. Funk, disco and retro classics. 12pm. The Zone Karaoke, 8.30pm, free.

Saturday 20 Charles Street Club Transister. Proving fabulous never loses style with camp classics, chart, funky house, disco and a smattering of cheese! 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo At The Marly. HRH Queen Josephine joins the Marlborough for a little funky house fabulousness. 9pm, free. Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Peter Davis + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm, free. R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Divas + Booty Call. Live music with Chelle then DJ Soap spins body moving party tracks. 12pm. The Zone Presents... Kitty Monroe. The international drag artist. 9.30pm, free

Sunday 21 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Ghetto Sirens. Burlesque night with pole and lap dancing shows. 9pm, free. Legends Sunday Cabaret with Lady Imelda. Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Sunday Quiz. 7pm, £1 per entrant Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Mandy Gap + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free Revenge Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a spanish twist. 10.30pm–4am, £tbc. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander. 11pm–4am, free The Zone Sharon’s Birthday Bash For Pride. 4.30pm, free.

Monday 22 Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free Queen's Arms Skint + Karaoke. 12pm–1am. R-Bar Miss Jason’s Madhouse. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free The Basement Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free

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30 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

16 – 22 JUNE

She says it how she sees it

The Millionaire and his Murder Mansion Sunday 7 June, More4 ore4 recently showed a documentary about the Fosters, the fire at their house, and the suspected reasons for it. (Chris Foster shot his family and then set his house on fire on August bank holiday Monday 2008). While watching the documentary I couldn’t help but wonder if More4 had left enough time after the tragedy before making this programme. It hadn’t even been a year since it happened. While I was watching it, I had to keep reminding myself that a 15-year-old girl was killed, along with her mother, at the hands of their husband/father. Yes, it was scandalous, yes, many of us wanted to know what had actually happened but shouldn’t we have left it longer for the dust to settle? Friends and family of the Fosters are interviewed during the documentary and you can see that the hurt of losing their loved ones is still very raw. Not only that, they also have to try and understand how their friend/brother/son could kill his own family. During the documentary a pathologist explains how they have only found half of Kirsty’s (the daughter) body. They believe her remains are in amongst the un-sieved rubble from the house. While this is said we are shown a scene of a skip and some men in white suits sieving. Is it just me or does that make anyone else feel uncomfortable? Perhaps it’s the fact that Kirsty is 15, perhaps it’s the fact that she died at the hands of her father, but something didn’t sit right with me while watching. I am a fan of the Crime and Investigation Channel – I really do carry on that morbid Victorian interest with death – but I really didn’t enjoy this programme. It felt a little disrespectful to Gill (the wife and mother) and Kirsty. It is less than a year since they had their lives taken from them by someone they loved and respected. This whole situation occurred because of money. If we can learn any lesson from it we should understand that not everything is as it seems. Chris’s mother is interviewed: she points out that she is still trying to deal with the fact that her son killed his family. In other documentaries about similar murder cases a much longer amount of time has passed before anyone is shown all the intimate details about it, and you can see that although the remaining friends and family members are upset, there is a difference. It is only slight but the old saying that time is a great healer seems to be evident.

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 16 The Lost World: Jurassic Park ★★★✩✩ (1997, ITV2, 9pm. Dir Steven Spielberg) More dinosaurs! Great big teeth and Jeff Goldblum get mixed together in this second island of prehistoric beasties as he dashes off to try and rescue his clever but marooned girlfriend Julianne Moore, with a little help from Richard Attenborough.

WEDNESDAY 17

A Fistful Of Dollars ★★★★✩ (1964, Five, 9pm. Dir Sergio Leone) It’s The Man With No Name. Yup, that original outing of cowboy Clint Eastwood over 40 years ago – and he still doesn’t look all that different! The anonymous amigo comes to in a warring town, torn apart by two feuding families and quickly devises a way to turn the situation to his own advantage.

THURSDAY 18

Raising Arizona ★★★★✩ (1987, Film4, 9pm. Dir Joel Coen) Nicholas Cage and Holly Hunter go on a baby-stealing spree in this comedy. The childless couple – an ex-con and an ex-cop are all set for marital bliss when infertility blights them. With the furniture tycoon down the road having quintuplets they just can’t resist taking one for themselves, an action bearing its own consequences.

FRIDAY 19

The Ring ★★★✩✩ (2002, BBC1, 11.40pm. Dir Gore Verbinski) Naomi Watts stars in this US remake of

the cult Japanese horror about a female journalist investigating a cursed videotape. Story goes that if you watch the tape you die within a week of viewing. When her son catches a glimpse of the film it becomes a race against time, not just for her own life.

SATURDAY 20

Risky Business ★★★★✩ (1983, BBC2, 11.40pm. Dir Paul Brickman) If you ever wondered what first recruited Tom Cruise to the 80s Brat Pack it was probably this movie. Inbetween famously skidding about the house and dancing in his white boxers, home alone teenage Tom finds fugitive hooker Rebecca De Mornay on his doorstep and together decide to set up a brothel using his high school business management class.

SUNDAY 21

Logan’s Run ★★★★★ (1976, Five, 3.15pm. Dir Michael Anderson) Michael York is Logan in this futuristic tale of the young and the beautiful. As each citizen lives protected in luxury the nifty catch is that they must die when they reach thirty – one way or another. Logan is a sandman/ government assassin, which is all well and good for him – until his thirtieth birthday rolls around.

MONDAY 22

The Guru ★★★✩✩ (2001, ITV1, 11.05pm. Dir Daisy von Scherler Mayer) Jimi Mistry stars in this comedy as an Indian dance instructor who comes to New York with stars in his eyes and dreams of fame and fortune – and ends up on the set of a porn film and jobbing at an Indian restaurant. Through a series of mishaps he ends up being mistaken for a guru to the New York elite and falling for delightful porn star Heather Graham. Victoria Nangle

A Fistful Of Dollars, Five, Wednesday 17, 9pm

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tuesday 16 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 9pm Vroom! Vroom! Who could resist a chance to get near these hulks of metal – obviously not Laurence Fishburne. The CSIs are called to the murder of a motorcycle gang member, but soon discover the victim was actually working undercover. Who rev’d him up too far? Thinking caps, people!

The Big Bang Theory Channel 4, 11.10pm Anyone would think that in America everyone knew their neighbours. What with this and Friends, if you don’t know who lives across the hall you just ain’t withit, you get?! Anyway, the comedy continues when Penny has a revelation on her second date with Stuart, leading to things looking up for Leonard.

Comedy Songs: The Pop Years BBC4, 9pm Tracing the history of the novelty record from the time of The Goons – Ying Tong Iddle I Po! – through to the Barron Knights and the invention of the parody and onto the Two Ronnies and Not The Nine O’Clock News. Not forgetting Monty Python. Hold a chicken in the air...

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 House Swap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Royal Ascot 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.40am Children’s television 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Seasonal Snapshots 11.20 Let’s Write A Story 11.40 Emotional Literacy 11.50 Emotional Literacy 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.05 FILM: The Magnificent Showman (1964) 3.20 Royal Ascot 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Paul Martin and the team are in Cheltenham. 7.00 Coast Nicholas Crane and a team of experts explore the British coast. This programme covers the Welsh coast from Cardigan Bay to the Dee. Time for a paddle. 8.00 Great British Menu It is the grand finale. The nation’s finest chefs have been battling it out in the ultimate cookery contest. 9.00 Mary Queen Of Charity Shops Retail guru Mary Portas aims to prove that charity shops can be heavyweights on the high street. Mary and her volunteers try to convince celebrities and fashion editors to ditch their cutting-edge outfits in favour of some of Mary’s charity shop finds. Love it! 10.00 In The Firing Line Paul Mason charts the moving story of two Midlands-based manufacturing companies struggling to survive the recession. With access to the factories in question, the film follows the jobsaving measures being introduced. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 Manish Bhasin hosts highlights from the Twenty20 World Cup. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 SEN Skills For Life 5.00 Youth And Community Justice

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.20 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.50 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Supporting Acts 12.50 FILM: Red River (1948) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Abandoned And Deceived (1995) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Roman rescues Nicole and Trey from Gardy. Here he comes to save the day! He’s built like a Marvel hero too. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary based at Colchester Zoo. Zoo director Anthony has concerns for the newborn cheetah cub he is rearing. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Secrets Of Egypt: Scorpion King The Scorpion King was a mythical Egyptian ruler who predated the pharaohs. Recent developments, such as the excavation of the king’s tomb, have revealed surprising new details about early Egyptian civilisation. iPods? 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights. 10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series based on the work of forensic investigators. The CSIs question a string of suspects after a bogus 911 call results in the death of an innocent man. 11.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The team investigate when a college student is robbed and killed in what appears to be a drug-related hit. 12.00am CSI: NY 1.00 International Rugby Union 1.55 NBA: The Finals 2009

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 1.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Rugby Union 11.00 Living With Lions 12.30am Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.30 Football Asia

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Jean strives to keep Stacey’s problems a secret. Not easy when she’s a Slater girl. 8.00 Holby City Elliot struggles with the idea that Martha may not view marriage as being for life. Just for Christmas? 9.00 Occupation Drama series. During the British invasion of Iraq in April 2003, three soldiers from the same unit come under cross-fire in a Basra flat. While there, an explosion has huge consequences for an Iraqi girl, and will radically shape the lives of Danny, Mike and Hibbs over the coming years. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 FILM: The World’s Fastest Indian (2005) Starring Anthony Hopkins, Diane Ladd. A health scare prompts eccentric New Zealander Burt Monro to finally pursue the dream of riding his treasured Indian Scout motorcycle on the salt flats of Utah USA in an attempt at breaking the land speed record. Near death obviously craves near death. 12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.10 Kate Adie Returns To Tiananmen Square 2.10 Keep It In The Family 3.10 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.40 The Unsellables 4.10 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Mark comes faceto-face with his secret son. Shh. 8.00 Nature’s Fury: Firestorm In the last of three programmes, Chris Terrill attempts to find one of the rarest of all storms – the terrifying firestorm. He travels to southern California at the height of the fire season when ideal conditions lead to devastating conflagrations that can destroy whole forests and towns. He’s not a firestarter, twisted firestarter. 9.00 Ladette To Lady The transformation of a group of raucous Aussie ladettes into demure ladies continues. The tough love approach produces some unexpected results, and Nicole’s tale of her troubled past even affects Mrs Harbord. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Russell Howard’s Tough Gig Russell Howard joins a group of Irish extreme surfers – adrenaline junkies who live for the waves. After being introduced to all aspects of their world, Russell gives them a tailormade gig. Dude! 11.05 The Truth About Boy Bands Second of a two-part documentary tracing the rises and falls of boy bands during the 1990s. 12.05am Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 12.55 Supernatural 1.40 Loose Women 2.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks There’s a breakdown in communication between Anita and her new chat-room boyfriend. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Property Snakes And Ladders Sarah Beeny looks at how first-time developers might succeed in the current climate. Natasha, Loretta, and Loretta’s husband David put all their money on splitting a three-storey house into two flats, a plan that Sarah had reservations over. A true Cassandra here. 9.00 I’m Running Sainsbury’s A 27-year-old Enfield checkout manager thinks customers should complain more. His idea offers customers a chance to air their grievances in store, and promises that their problems will be solved within one week. Think big, eh? 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 The Big Bang Theory See highlights. 11.40 The Killers: Video Exclusive 11.45 My Name Is Earl Earl and Billie are having trouble, so Earl tries to discover the reason why karma brought them together. 12.15am 4 Music: Island Life 12.45 PokerStars.com 4.00 Animated Bible Stories (x2) 4.20 TVM: Puzzle Maths 2 (x5). 5.35 We Are From... 5.50 Making It (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE: Afterburn 8.00 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 8.30 Extra Time 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker 12.00pm Extra Time 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 Spirit Of Yachting 1.20 LIVE Rugby Union 4.30 Football Asia 5.00 LIVE Football 7.30 LIVE Football 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.30am Rugby Union 3.00 Mountain Bike World 3.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Aero GP 8.30 Spirit Of Yachting 9.00 Bowls 10.00 Bowls 11.00 Aero GP 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Bowls 1.00 Bowls 2.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 4.00 WWE: Smackdown 6.00 Rugby Union 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker 11.30 NFL – Total Access 12.30am Football Asia 1.00 Bowls 2.00 Bowls 3.00 Close

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Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Law And Order 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 House 10.00 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop (1984) 12.05am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Street Wars 2.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm FILM: What Women Want (2000) 9.00 Personal Affairs 10.10 EastEnders 10.40 Bizarre ER 11.15 Family Guy (x2) 12.00am Personal Affairs 1.15 Katie Price: The Jordan Years 2.10 Bizarre ER 2.40 The Real Hustle On Holiday 3.10 Make My Body Younger 4.10 Katie Price: The Jordan Years

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Yellowstone 8.30 The Pre-Raphaelites 9.00 Comedy Songs: The Pop Years. See highlights 10.30 Flight Of The Conchords 10.55 The Armstrong And Miller Show 11.25 Make ‘em Laugh 12.20am Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe 12.55 Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe (x3)

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 8.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 9.00 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 11.35 FILM: American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) 1.25am I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09

1.15pm Heartbeat 2.20 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.25 FILM: And She Was (2007) 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Above Suspicion 10.00 Wire In The Blood 11.55 Wycliffe 1.00am Upstairs, Downstairs 1.55 On The Buses 2.20 Rising Damp

2.35pm Friends 3.00 Desperate Housewives 3.55 The Hills 4.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 How To Look Good Naked 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 11.55 Big Brother: Live

5.05pm Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Close Encounters In Siberia 11.40 Come Dine With Me 12.45am True Stories: Close Encounters In Siberia

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 Oil Strike! 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 2.00 Solved 3.00 Oil Strike!

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Tall Tale (1995) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Knight Rider 9.00 Dollhouse 10.00 FILM: The Order (2001) 11.40 FILM: Raging Sharks (2005) 1.30am Ghost Stories

9.55am Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 11.50 Titanic (1953) 1.30pm A Place In The Sun (1951) 3.40 War Of The Worlds (1953) 5.10 Island In The Sky (1953) 7.05 Robinson Crusoe On Mars (1964) 9.00 Titanic (1953) 10.40 Scream And Scream Again (1970) 12.20am The Boston Strangler (1968)

9.00am Into The Wild (2007) 11.30 December Boys (2007) 1.20pm Rescue Dawn (2006) 3.30 The Counterfeiters (2007) 5.10 Jindabyne (2006) 7.20 The Movie Geek 7.50 The Kite Runner (2007) 10.00 Into The Wild (2007) 12.30am Rescue Dawn (2006) 2.40 Happiness (1999)

11.00am Highly Dangerous (1950) 12.55pm Freedom Radio (1941) 2.35 The Sheriff Of Fractured Jaw (1958) 4.50 That Thing You Do! (1996) 6.55 High Anxiety (1977) 8.45 Looking For Eric Special 9.00 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 10.50 Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ (2005) 1.10am Natural Born Killers (1994)

12.40pm Classic Shorts 08 1.00 The Great Bank Robbery (1969) 3.00 The Boy Who Could Fly (1986) 5.10 Soylent Green (1973) 7.05 Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 9.00 Pat Garrett And Billy The Kid (1973) 11.30 Fandango (1984) 1.10am Freaks (1932) 2.30 Pat Garrett And Billy The Kid (1973)

5.40pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family At Christmas 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Hippies 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family At Christmas 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 Hippies

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

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wednesday 17 Price Of Life BBC2, 9pm As much as we don’t like it, the NHS has a budget. Down with penny-pinching on our nation’s health. Award-winning director Adam Wishart follows the difficult decision about one drug, with unprecedented access to those making the call on it, as well as the American company that developed it. Is it worth it?

Tears, Tiaras and Transsexuals Channel 4, 11.10pm Following the first ever World’s Most Beautiful Transsexual Pageant in Las Vegas, C4 talks to the six ladies competing for the crown and a starring role in a brand new Vegas Revue. With a mixture of tearful and triumphant tales, this is a slice of life elsewhere with some sparkle.

Life ITV3, 10pm When a cancer research doctor is murdered it doesn’t seem like a huge jump to suspect the animals rights protester who’s been harassing them. So say Crews and Reese, but the deeper they dig the more crooked the janitor who found the body seems, and the more suspect the dead doc’s first assistant’s disappearance.

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Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 House Swap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Royal Ascot 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Paradise Cafe 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MySay 5.05 Newsround 5.15 Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Mortified 8.20 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Escape The Elephants 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 FILM: Buchanan Rides Alone (1958) 3.20 Royal Ascot 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! The people of Norfolk pour in to have their antiques valued by Paul Martin and experts Philip Serrell and Mark Stacey. 7.00 The Royal Academy Summer Exhibition 2009 Special edition of The Culture Show devoted to the Royal Academy’s Summer Exhibition. Andrew Graham-Dixon tracks the progress of four unknown artists who have submitted work for consideration this year. 8.00 Springwatch Holidays New Springwatch presenter Martin Hughes-Games is on a mission to get people closer to nature on their holidays. Blimmin’ seagulls. 9.00 Price Of Life See highlights. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz hosted by Simon Amstell with team captains Bill Bailey and Phill Jupitus. Guests include comic actor James Nesbitt, Joe Goddard, Chris O’Dowd from the IT Crowd and Lightspeed Champion. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Youth Hostelling: The First 100 Years Documentary telling the story of youth hostelling, which was founded in 1909 in Germany and established in Britain in 1930, through archive film discovered at the Youth Hostel Association HQ. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips (x2)

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.50 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.45 Life Begins Again 1.50 FILM: Lady From Louisiana (1941) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 1.00pm World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Boots ‘n’ All 6.30 Golf: US Open Official Film 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 Lions 1974 – Invincibles 10.30 Total Rugby 11.00 Overcoming The Majors - US Open 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Elite League Speedway 3.00 Time Of Our Lives 4.00 Lions 1974 – Invincibles 5.00 Golf: US Open Official Film

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Mark’s lies grow more complicated when Natasha witnesses him paying off Cain. 7.30 Coronation Street The Windasses offer Gail an olive branch. She should obviously thwack ‘em round the head with it. Bosh! 8.00 The Bill A restaurant under surveillance is always nearly empty yet the owner, Maloud Senac has been making large and regular deposits into his bank account. Who can say ‘money laundering’? 9.00 Spain: Paradise Lost Charting the fortunes of some of the over one million Britons who have settled in Spain, and those who are planning on joining them. The title gives away the editorial slant of this piece. 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 Superhuman: World’s Tallest Children Following the lives of the tallest children on the planet, including a 13-year-old boy measuring an astonishing 7ft 4in. Britain’s tallest family reveal their bespoke supersized home, and a father is reunited with his 6ft 9in daughter. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 12.30am Loose Women 1.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.10 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Country Road 999: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ash dismisses Ravi as a meathead with no prospects. Yeah, ’cause he’s such a stand-up guy, Mr Attempted Murder. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder Series of films focusing on the stories of various patients in hospitals across Britain. Confined to a chemotherapy bed, Elisa celebrates her life in the face of death. 8.00 River Cottage In this episode, Hugh learns that slugs have been eating soft cabbages in the River Cottage garden, and takes the drastic action of putting them onto his menu. Meanwhile, disappointment looms as Hugh discovers his expectant goat has had a phantom pregnancy. 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies: Back To The Clinic Doctors Christian Jessen, Pixie McKenna and Dawn Harper revisit some of their patients who sought treatment for awkward medical complaints, including Dionne, who had a painful skin condition, and stress incontinence sufferer Pamela. Hopefully they’re all better now. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 Tears, Tiaras And Transsexuals See highlights. 1.00am Dirty Sexy Money 2.00 Big Brother: Live 3.55 KOTV Classics 2008 4.45 Gillette World Sport 5.15 Countdown

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Columbo: Caution, Murder Can Be Hazardous To Your Health (1991) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away The old attraction between Aden and Belle re-emerges. Big cow-eyes alert. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo. The keepers are nervous when they have to get to grips with a giant anteater. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Mean Machines Documentary series examining the most exciting mechanical monsters on the planet. Featuring some of the world’s biggest and fastest trucks, including firefighting trucks. NEE NAH! 8.00 Megastructures Gripping documentary series that explores huge engineering projects from all over the world. This instalment follows the elaborate and dangerous demolition of four obsolete cooling towers at Sellafield power plant. 9.00 FILM: A Fistful Of Dollars (1964) Starring Clint Eastwood, Gian Volonte, Marianne Koch. The original spaghetti western, which made a star of Clint Eastwood as the laconic ‘Man with No Name’ – a tough gunslinger who gets caught up in the feud between two rival families fighting over a small frontier town. 11.05 Soho Blues Documentary series profiling police work in the heart of London’s West End. 12.05am PartyPoker.com European Open V 1.40 Boxing USA 3.35 NHRA Drag Racing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Animal 24:7 Tom visits the pet shop that accidentally bought a shark. Little brother’s dream come true. 8.00 Celebrity MasterChef This show features two heats. In the first, Rav Wilding, Deena Payne and Iwan Thomas cook and in the second Colin Murray, Janet Ellis and Simon Shepherd cook. Any names sound familiar? Any at all? Celebs, eh. 9.00 Occupation Drama series. Back in Basra, business is booming for private military contractors, and Danny and Lester seize the chance to make money by winning a contract to rebuild a hospital. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Scott Mills is live from Lottery HQ with the Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto draws. What a party! 10.45 FILM: Prime (2005) Starring Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep, Bryan Greenberg. Romantic comedy about a photographer who falls for a younger man and turns to her therapist for advice about the relationship. 12.25am Weatherview 12.30 Sign Zone: Kick Out The Kids 1.15 Country Tracks 2.10 Celebrity MasterChef 3.10 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.40 The Unsellables 4.10 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Rugby Union 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker 12.30pm Mountain Bike World 1.00 Rugby Union 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 Poker 4.30 Mountain Bike World 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 LIVE Horse Racing 9.00 Golf: US Open Official Film 10.00 European Tour Weekly 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 NFL – Total Access 12.30am Golf: US Open Official Film 1.30 European Tour Weekly 2.00 Overcoming The Majors – US Open 2.30 Golf 3.30 Poker

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Golf 10.00 Ocean Adventures 10.30 Mountain Bike World 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Golf 1.00 Ladies’ European Tour Golf 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Mountain Bike World 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Ocean Adventures 7.30 Overcoming The Majors - US Open 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 World Tenpin Masters 12.30am Total Rugby 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 European Volleyball League Victoria Nangle

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BBC3

BBC4

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Living

2.00pm Law And Order 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-YearOld? 9.00 Martina Cole’s The Take (x2) 11.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 12.00am Miami SWAT

7.00pm MOTD Live: South Africa V New Zealand 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 FILM: Sweet Home Alabama (2002) 11.40 Family Guy (x2) 12.30am The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.00 Horne And Corden 1.30 Bizarre ER 2.00 Make My Body Younger 3.00 The Real Hustle On Holiday 3.30 Bizarre ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Poetry Please: Thirty Years Of The People’s Poetry 8.00 The Pre-Raphaelites 8.30 Execution Of Anne Boleyn: Days That Shook The World 9.00 Henry VIII: Patron Or Plunderer? 10.00 FILM: Days Of Glory (2005) 12.00am Henry VIII: Patron Or Plunderer?

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: True Lies (1994) 11.50 Coronation Street 12.20am FILM: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006) 2.20 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Upstairs Downstairs 3.15 FILM: SOS Titanic (1979) 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life. See highlights. 11.00 FILM: The Calcium Kid (2004) 12.45am FILM: Lipstick

2.00pm Big Brother 3.10 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 5.55 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Days Of Thunder (1990) 11.05 A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila 12.05am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Henry VIII: Mind Of A Tyrant 11.05 Dispatches: Afghanistan’s Dirty War 12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties 3.00 Men In Trees

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 Who Wrote The Bible? 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 2.00 Solved 3.00 Who Wrote The Bible?

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Nature Of The Beast (2005) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Warbirds (2008) 9.50 FILM: Komodo Vs Cobra (2005) 11.50 FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

10.15am Notorious (1946) 12.00pm A Medal For Benny (1945) 1.25 The Lost Weekend (1945) 3.10 Call Northside 777 (1948) 5.05 Samson And Delilah (1949) 7.15 Notorious (1946) 9.00 Splendor In The Grass (1961) 11.10 Duel In The Sun (1946) 1.25am Cape Fear (1962)

9.00am Clubland (2007) 10.50 Factory Girl (2006) 12.40pm Sunshine (2007) 2.30 Barton Fink (1991) 4.30 Clubland (2007) 6.25 Factory Girl (2006) 8.10 Sunshine (2007) 10.00 Cradle Will Rock (1999) 12.20am Mississippi Burning (1988) 2.30 The Movie Geek

11.00am Waterloo Road (1944) 12.35pm The Comancheros (1961) 2.40 Escape To Athena (1979) 5.00 Blithe Spirit (1945) Noel Coward penned comedy. 6.50 Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) 9.00 Nacho Libre (2006) 10.45 The Libertine (2004) 12.55am Summer With Monika (1952)

8.35am Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 10.20 The Boy Who Could Fly (1986) 12.30pm The Screening Room 1.00 Hooper (1978) 3.00 Band Of Angels (1957) 5.20 The Helicopter Spies (1968) 7.10 What’s Up Doc? (1972) 9.00 Coma (1978) 11.15 The Rise And Rise Of Michael Rimmer (1970) 1.15am Coma (1978)

4.20pm The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family 10.20 Murder Most Horrid 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 1.00am Murder Most Horrid 1.40 New Adventures Of Old Christine

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

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thursday 18 Undercover Boss Channel 4, 9pm Like a secret shopper but not just restricted to shops – plus, it’s The Boss! Bit scary really, and makes us East Sussex types quite chuffed that we can work in small independent businesses where we know what the boss looks like, and not just at the Christmas party. Park Resorts boss Andy Edge goes in.

Psychoville BBC2, 10pm Dark comic thriller that kicks off with five seemingly unconnected people – a blind recluse, a telekenetic pantomime dwarf, a hook-handed clown, a serialkiller-obsessed man-child and a deranged but caring midwife – all receiving the same message: “I know what you did.” Bizarre and utterly unpredictable.

Brothers And Sisters More4, 10pm This extended family not only has some of the most beautiful people in it, but it’s got even more gorgeous folk marrying into it too! Give up all this drama malarkey and run off to Littlewoods where you can model and frolic to your heart’s content, we say! No? The Walker family don’t take it well when Tommy rejects their help.

terrestrial

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 House Swap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Royal Ascot 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 4.35 Horrible Histories 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Geography: A Village In Bangladesh 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Magic Grandad 11.45 Magic Grandad 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 FILM: Hot Enough For June (1965) 2.35 Car Booty 3.20 Royal Ascot 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Paul Martin is in Winchester. 7.00 Thames Shipwrecks: A Race Against Time Seven shipwrecks are being salvaged from the river Thames in one of the biggest marine archaeological operations in the country. Looking for a priceless necklace, perchance? 8.00 Springwatch Home Movies Gordon Buchanan showcases some of the best wildlife moments that viewers have sent in over the years. 9.00 Krod Mandoon And The Flaming Sword Of Fire Fantasy comedy series. Krod and the gang must fight off bounty hunters. Dongalor’s relationship with Cute Girl is threatened after a weapons inspector arrives at his palace. 9.30 That Mitchell And Webb Look Comedy sketch show. This programme reveals the true purpose of the Giant Death Ray, presents a gangland villain made of wood, and offers dating advice from a man who is almost Gary Rhodes. 10.00 Psychoville See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 Manish Bhasin presents highlights and reaction from the first of the Twenty20 World Cup semi-finals. 12.20am BBC Four Sessions 1.20 BBC News 4.00 Class Clips (x2)

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.20 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.50 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Chill Out 11.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.30 FILM: The Scarlet Pimpernel (1934) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Elite League Speedway 11.00 European Tour Weekly 11.30 Golf: US Open Official Film 12.30pm LIVE Cricket: Women’s World Twenty20 4.30 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Lions 1974 – Invincibles 10.30 Barclays Premier League World 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Time Of Our Lives 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 Lions 1974 – Invincibles 3.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain flaunts his windfall in front of Mark and Natasha. Flaunty flaunt flaunt. 7.30 Countrywise Today, Paul meets the ranger who looks after Richmond Park’s 600 deer, and the man who mows the grass with the capital’s last working shire horses. 8.00 The Bill Kenny regains consciousness and tells Terry that although it was Gary who shot him, it was his brother Daniel who goaded him into doing it. It becomes clear to the officers that Daniel has been the puppet master all along. Evil laughter. 9.00 May Contain Nuts Conclusion of a two-part comedy drama. Alice Chaplin wins Molly a scholarship to the prestigious Chelsea College for Girls by copying the answers of the academically gifted Ruby Osafo from the Babbington council estate. Double cheating! 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras Programme taking the viewer right up to the front lines of police work across the UK. 11.35 The Last Word Phil Hornby talks through the big stories in the region with prominent figures. 12.05am Motorsport UK 12.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott (x2) 2.40 Loose Women 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The launch of Relish almost bombs, until Ravi’s quick-thinking business skills save the day. We know which brother we prefer. All Ash needs now is a twirly evil moustache. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Home Show Architect George Clarke revisits Pippa and Simon and their three boys, whose battered family home in Brixton he helped transform last year. 9.00 Undercover Boss See highlights. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 The TNT Show Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh present a weekly late-night entertainment show, taking an irreverent look at the week’s events. This is where grown-up comics go when they leave the clubs, it seems. 11.40 Derren Brown: Trick Or Treat Psychological illusionist Derren B involves members of the public and celebrity guests in a fiendish version of the Halloween game. 12.10am 4 Music: Island Life 12.40 Gaymers Grassroots Gigs: The Holloways 12.55 Dubplate 1.25 No Angels 2.25 Big Brother: Live 3.50 Dispatches: Afghanistan’s Dirty War 4.50 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 5.15 Countdown

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.22 Little Lodgers 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Family Sins (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Aden admits he still has feelings for Belle. He kept them in a jar marked ‘buttons’. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo. Mangabey monkey Sputnik is rapidly earning a reputation for his bully boy antics. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Paul Merton In India Paul is in Hyderabad, where he sees the world’s largest tricycle and meets a snake catcher. In Bangalore, he visits a prison famed for its excellent food. 9.00 The Mentalist Drama series following the work of an investigator who uses razor-sharp skills of observation. The son-in-law of a millionaire is killed during a robbery in which a valuable painting is stolen. The investigation leads to an elaborate plot involving art forgery, organised crime and murder. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. A student appears to have committed suicide, but the circumstances are suspicious. Mind-boggling. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. Goren and Eames investigate when a prison guard is murdered. 12.00am Quiz Call 1.45 NBA: The Finals 2009

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Christian and Syed find unlikely allies in each other, and Peggy uncovers Jack’s secret. Is he a secret lemonade drinker? Is he?! 8.00 Celebrity MasterChef In the first heat, Ian Bleasdale, Shirley Robertson and Paul Martin cook, and in the second Pete Waterman, Gemma Bissix and Stephen K Amos cook. Go Stephen! He’s a lovely chap. 9.00 Occupation Drama series. Danny tries to negotiate for Hibbs’ release from his kidnappers. With their invisible companies working for untraceable cash, Danny and Lester are making a fortune in Basra. Mike’s son Richard joins the army. And when Aliyah’s husband is kidnapped, Mike, Danny and Hibbs’ journeys all fuse in a tense and emotional finale. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Question Time is in Sunderland. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Celebrity MasterChef 1.55 Countryfile 2.50 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.20 The Unsellables 3.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Golf: US Open Official Film 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Ocean Adventures 12.00pm Total Rugby 12.30 Boots ‘n’ All 1.30 Golf: US Open Official Film 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 LIVE Golf: US Open 9.00 LIVE Golf: US Open 12.00am Football: UEFA Under21s Championship 2.00 Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Showjumping 8.00 European Volleyball League 10.00 Motor Racing: Legends Car Series 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 World Tenpin Masters 2.00 Speedway 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 LIVE Football 7.30 LIVE Football 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 WWE Late Night Raw 2.30am Extreme Championship Wrestling 3.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Law And Order 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones 12.00am Law And Order 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm MOTD Live: Italy v Egypt 9.30 Bizarre ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Ideal 12.20am Bizarre ER 12.50 Personal Affairs 2.00 When Diets Go Wrong 3.00 The Real Hustle On Holiday 3.30 Ideal 4.00 Personal Affairs 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Return To... Airport 8.00 Hidden Histories 8.30 Days That Shook The World 9.00 Crude Britannia: The Story Of North Sea Oil 10.00 The Secret Life Of The Airport 11.00 The High Life 11.30 Crude Britannia: The Story Of North Sea Oil 12.30am The Fallen: Legacy Of Iraq

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 8.00 America’s Got Talent 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 FILM: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006) 12.00am Supernatural

1.40pm Upstairs, Downstairs 2.45 FILM: Meteor (1979) 4.50 Monarch Of The Glen 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Ladies Of Letters 8.30 Rising Damp 9.00 Billy Connolly: Journey To The Edge Of The World 10.00 A Village Affair 12.15am Numb3rs 1.10 FILM: And She Was (2007)

4.00pm The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Plus One 11.00 The Kevin Bishop Show 11.30 Fonejacker 12.00am Big Brother: Live

5.05pm Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 River Cottage 10.00 Brothers And Sisters. See highlights. 11.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.00am River Cottage 1.05 Brothers And Sisters

2.00pm 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 American Loggers 10.00 Deadliest Catch 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil

12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 FILM: Past Tense (2006) 3.00 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 8.00 Bionic Woman 9.00 My Own Worst Enemy 10.00 Dollhouse 11.00 Knight Rider 12.00am FILM: Larva (2004)

11.45am Seven Days In May (1964) 1.45pm Louisiana Purchase (1941) 3.30 Holiday Inn (1942) 5.15 The Producers (1968) 7.00 The Glenn Miller Story (1954) 9.00 Seven Days In May (1964) 11.00 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 1.05am Too Late The Hero (1970) 3.25 The Blob (1958)

9.00am Fire (1996) 11.00 Ride With The Devil (1999) 1.20pm The Movie Geek 1.50 Juno (2007) 3.30 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 5.40 The Commitments (1991) 7.40 Ride With The Devil (1999) 10.00 Juno (2007) 11.40 Magnolia (1999) 3.00am The Commitments (1991)

11.00am The Well (1951) 12.45pm Moulin Rouge (1952) 3.05 Castle Of Cagliostro (1979) 5.10 Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 7.05 Picture Perfect (1997) 9.00 Raising Arizona (1987) 10.50 Elektra (2005) Actionpacked superhero sequel. 12.40am Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003)

8.55am The Helicopter Spies (1968) 10.45 What’s Up Doc? (1972) 12.30pm The Screening Room 1.00 Key Largo (1948) 3.00 Promises In The Dark (1979) 5.25 Code Name: Emerald (1985) 7.20 Cats And Dogs (2001) 9.00 Presumed Innocent (1990) 11.25 Shaft (1971) 1.25am The Mackintosh Man (1973)

4.20pm The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Steptoe And Son 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Jam And Jerusalem 11.00 Steptoe And Son (x2) 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums

Classics

Indie

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12:38 PM

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friday 19 Hotel Babylon BBC1, 9pm Heh heh! The cheesefest returns, and long may it prosper! Yes, the territory of beachside bonkbusters has returned – but for how long? The news is that the hotel is closing, and Tony’s on the case to get a buyer. However, the buyer he’s brought in is a pig. Dang it! Good thing a terror alert brings in another prospect.

Big Brother Channel 4, 9pm & 10.35pm Davina McCall jumps, screams, tries to look serious and asks flatmates to ‘please, do not swear’ as the eviction show gets underway. First off, there’s the tense gathering on the sofa, then the recap of the last 24 hours of hissy fits and hugs, and then the eviction announcement and Davina’s interview. Loads!

Thunderbirds Sci Fi, 7pm Tracy Island was peaceful for a bit, what with the evil Hood having an accident on the M1 – yup, that happened – but then he went off to Australia for no good scallywag deeds. In fact, it’s worse than that as a huge cloud of radioactive material heads towards Melbourne. Time for some hero strings to be pulled.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 House Swap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Royal Ascot 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Animals At Work 4.35 Trapped 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.40am Children’s television 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Class Clips 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.10 FILM: The Purple Plain (1954) 2.50 Car Booty 3.20 Royal Ascot 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Flog It! Presenter Paul Martin and the team are in Yeovil, Somerset. 7.00 Mastermind John Humphrys asks the questions as six contenders battle it out to become the nation’s Mastermind in this series Grand Final. See how clever you can be on a Friday night and join in. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Toby and the team revisit many of the exciting new garden areas and ambitious projects at Greenacre. 9.00 My Life In Verse: Malorie Blackman Famous faces explore their love of poetry. Malorie Blackman, prolific author of fiction for children and young people, is the first black British writer to have sold over a million books. She explains how poems have sustained her. 10.00 Richard Wilson Learns To Drive In preparation for a motor journey around Britain, Richard Wilson is put through his paces as he learns how to use a gear stick again, having driven only automatics for the past 30 years. Crunch dem gears! 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review R 11.35 Cricket: World Twenty20 Manish Bhasin introduces highlights of the second Twenty20 World Cup semi-final at the Brit Oval. 12.35am Medium Supernatural (x2) 2.00 FILM: Satan’s Slave (1976)

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.20 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.50 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Chill Out 11.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 The City Gardener 1.05 FILM: The Tall Men (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.22 Little Lodgers 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: The Long Island Incident (1998) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 Trans World Sport 12.30pm LIVE Cricket: Women’s World Twenty20 4.30 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 LIVE Friday Fight Night 11.30 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 1.30am Friday Fight Night 3.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Zak, Kris and Zoe get their exam results. Who done good? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 First Cut: Health Food Junkies Rowan Deacon meets a group of devoted health food worshippers, the Raw Foodists. Meat, fish, dairy, wheat and sugar are banned from their plates, and anything they do eat is completely raw as they believe heating anything above 45 degrees Celsius destroys essential enzymes and nutrients. Hm. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Paula and Graham want to use their redundancy payments to start a bed and breakfast. Will they choose to move to the Lake District, or move abroad and begin their new venture in the Dolomites in Italy? Per favore! 9.00 Big Brother See highlights. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show alongside team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. Guests include Claudia Winkleman. 10.35 Big Brother See highlights. 11.05 The Simpsons 11.35 Russell Brand’s Ponderland The foppish comedian delivers his thoughts on the world around him. 12.05am 4 Music: Island Life 12.40 JD Set Presents: Broken Records Music.12.55 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Freesports On 4 4.25 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour 5.25Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Roman confesses his crimes to Miles, aka Godfather from now on. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Top Trumps: Warships Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines focusing on huge warships. Ugh! Testosterone good! 8.00 Air Force Afghanistan The RAF regiment embarks on a mission to allow locals access to veterinary care for their livestock. Later, three men from the same regiment are seriously injured by a roadside bomb. 9.00 NCIS Drama series. When a missing lance corporal is found dead in a vacant house, the team discover that his body was buried in the back garden and then exhumed. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama following New York’s Major Case Squad. A cheating wife is in the frame for poisoning her husband, a bestselling historian. But Goren and Eames soon uncover a twisted web involving the victim’s stern father, his crooked brother and his manipulative sister-in-law. Cor! 11.00 Criminal Minds Drama series following the FBI’s Behavioural Analysis Unit. Reid finds himself in peril when the stalker of a woman he is dating turns to murder. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Home And Away (x3)

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Air Medics A look at the work of the Great North Air Ambulance. 8.00 EastEnders Stacey struggles with an unexpected revelation. End of days for Stace? 8.30 Celebrity MasterChef In this second quarter-final the winning celebrity chefs from the week’s four heats battle it out for two semi-final places. Yum! 9.00 Hotel Babylon See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross is joined by Lost hunk Matthew Fox, Peep Show heroes Mitchell and Webb, and, with an exclusive TV appearance, the hugely-anticipated return of the mighty Blur. Modern life is great. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Money! 11.40 FILM: The Ring (2002) Starring Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson. US remake of the cult Japanese chiller about a journalist who faces a race against time when she investigates a cursed videotape. 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: The Trouble With Working Women 2.30 Celebrity MasterChef 3.00 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.30 The Unsellables 4.00 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nathan sabotages Katie’s business. Meanie. 7.30 Coronation Street Is Kevin falling for Molly? Somebody catch him before he hits the deck. 8.00 The Fat Bribe Revisited: Tonight Fiona Foster revisits a group of bingo workers to see if they have managed to keep the weight off one year after participating in a Tonight experiment where they were paid cash to shed the pounds. 8.30 Coronation Street Molly turns to Kevin after a row with Tyrone. Fool of a girl with piercing blue eyes. 9.00 Doc Martin Sam Oakwood has come down with something, and when Martin finds that Mrs Averill’s cat has been staying with him, he realises where they both got TB. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Blood Work (2002) Starring Clint Eastwood, Jeff Daniels, Anjelica Huston. Crime thriller. A former FBI profiler has retired following a heart transplant. At first, he refuses a woman’s request to hunt down her sister’s killer, but she has a compelling reason for him to take the case – he is living on borrowed time provided by her sister’s heart. 12.40am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.35 FILM: Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde (2002) 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 10.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 12.00pm Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.00 LIVE Golf: US Open 12.00am World Twenty20 Cricket 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Ocean Adventures

Sky Sports 3 6.00am WWE Raw 9.00 Golf: US Open 1.00pm Race World 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Live Football 5.00 Live Football 7.30 Live Super League 10.00 Gillette World Sport 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 WWE Smackdown 1.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.30 Tight Lines 3.30 Super League 5.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Law And Order 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 10.00 Martina Cole’s The Take (x2) 12.00am Gangster Wives

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Total Wipeout 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Two Pints Outtakes 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Being Human 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Coming Of Age 12.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.15 Two Pints Outtakes 1.45 Ideal

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 9.00 Leonard Cohen Live In London 10.00 Leonard Cohen - Songs From My Life: Omnibus 11.10 What Leonard Cohen Did For Me 11.40 Flight Of The Conchords 12.10am Sounds Of The Sixties 12.40 Leonard Cohen Live In London

5.15pm Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Highlights 9.00 America’s Got Talent 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Highlights

12.00pm Rising Damp 12.30 Goodnight Sweetheart 1.10 Heartbeat 2.15 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.20 FILM: The Ladykillers (1955) 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: Intersection (1994) 12.00am Cadfael

1.25pm Big Brother 2.35 Friends 3.00 Desperate Housewives 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.05 Wife Swap 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 12.10am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Are The F*lthy Fulfords Now? 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Men Of Honour (2000) 11.30 The World’s Biggest Penis 12.30am FILM: Men Of Honour (2000)

2.00pm 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds 3.00 Men In Trees

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 Top 20 Ultimate Discovery With Robert Llewellyn 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 10.00 Showdown: Air Combat 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Haunted Homes 3.00 FILM: Ground Zero (2000) 5.00 Haunted Homes 6.00 Psych 6.30 Stingray 7.00 ThunderbirdsSee highlights 8.00 FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 9.50 FILM: Hydra (2009) 12.00am FILM: Bloodsuckers (2005)

11.00am McLintock! (1963) 1.15pm Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 3.00 The Top 10 Show 3.20 Lover Come Back (1961) 5.15 The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1965) 7.15 Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 9.00 McLintock! (1963) 11.10 The Tomb Of Ligeia (1964)

9.00am Babel (2006) 11.25 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 1.25pm Ten Canoes (2006) 3.05 Detroit Rock City (1999) 4.45 The Apostle (1997) 7.05 Babel (2006) 9.30 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 12.10am Eyes Wide Shut (1999) 2.50 Breaking The Waves (1996)

11.00am The Diamond Queen (1953) 12.35pm The Guinea Pig (1948) 2.30 Forty Guns (1957) 4.05 Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 6.50 Rat Race (2001) 9.00 Date Movie (2006) 10.35 Kiss Of The Dragon (2001) 12.25am If... (1968) 2.35 Looking For Eric Special

9.25am Code Name: Emerald (1985) 11.20 Cats And Dogs (2001) 1.00pm One Spy Too Many (1966) 3.00 How The West Was Won (1962) 6.00 Batman Forever (1995) 8.30 The Screening Room 9.00 Caddyshack II (1988) 10.55 Heart Of Darkness (1994) 1.00am Caddyshack II (1988)

4.20pm The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 9.40 Jonathan Creek 10.50 The Likely Lads 11.25 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.05am Victoria Wood As Seen On TV 12.45 The Two Ronnies

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Dave Chappelle: Killin’ Them Softly 12.45am Scrubs (x2) 1.45 The Sarah Silverman Programme

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saturday 20 Robin Hood BBC1, 6.45pm New faces in Sherwood Forest and no one’s playing nicely together. Shame! Isabella is rounding up men to send to Prince John – as a present – and Robin and his pretty indie kids are trying to stop her. However, he’s not helped by Archer joining forces with his sister to trap him and new brother G. Man!

ER Channel 4, 8pm Life goes on at Chicago’s General Hospital and Abbie has her first day as an attending – yay! Except one or two things spoil it a bit, like her argument with the new ER chief about a gunshot wound and Neela finding out secondhand about her own change of job. Oops. Transparency management folks.

Cracker ITV3, 10.30pm Robbie Coltrane’s maverick psychologist with an unorthodox relationship with Manchester’s finest is much loved this week, gruff exterior not withstanding. In fact, he’s getting anonymous love letters from a lady who thinks he’s the bee’s knees. Aw, shucks. And then a dead body turns up and it looks like she’s the killer.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Eating In The Sun 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 2.20 Royal Ascot 4.45 The Green Green Grass 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Funky Fables 7.15 Eliot Kid 7.30 Dinosapien 7.50 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.15 Sportsround 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 10.00 Transmission Impossible With Ed And Oucho 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Sound 12.30 Class Of 2008 Graduated 12.55 Switch N Dubz Special 1.05 Class Of 2008 Graduated 1.30 Sound 2.00 FILM: Lady From Shanghai (1948) 3.25 Athletics: European Team Championships 7.30 China’s Capitalist Revolution Probably something about all the things we buy that have ‘Made In China’ on them. And Levi’s – bound to mention Levi’s. 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Topical news quiz with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 9.40 Blood And Guts: A History Of Surgery Documentary series looking at the brutal, bloody and dangerous history of surgery begins with the area of the body where it has been most frightening – the brain. Just over 100 years ago, cutting into the brain was a terrifying prospect for both patient and surgeon. From freak accidents involving crowbars through the skull to lobotomies with icepicks, this programme reveals how brain surgery has become what it is today. 10.40 The Supersizers Eat... The Eighties Restaurant critic Giles Coren and writer and comedian Sue Perkins experience the food culture of years gone by. In this programme, they go back to the 1980s. 11.40 FILM: Risky Business (1983) Starring Tom Cruise, Rebecca De Mornay, Joe Pantoliano. Comedy about a normally well-behaved teenager who goes wild while his parents are out of town. 1.15am FILM: Metropolitan (1990) 2.50 FILM: In All Innocence (1998) 4.25 Inside F1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.50 Countrywise 10.20 Quincy, ME 11.20 FILM: Jeremiah Johnson (1972) 1.15pm ITV News And Weather 1.20 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity 2.20 Beat The Star 3.35 FILM: Peter Pan (2003) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.30 Friends 10.00 Beyonce Vs Rihanna: Top 10 11.05 Friends 11.35 Big Brother 12.35pm Big Brother 1.05 Pink: Video Exclusive 1.10 Scrubs 1.40 Tommy Reilly: Orange Unsigned Act - The Winner’s Story 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 Come Dine With Me The cookery-based reality show in which five amateur chefs compete to stage the ultimate dinner party. Mwah ha ha ha! 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor Bear touches down in the Dominican Republic amid the hurricane season, jumping from a hovering helicopter into the open sea before swimming to a deserted island, only to find it devoid of fresh water. A bit like a number of first person role-playing games for high end consoles – except real! 8.00 ER See highlights. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 10.00 Russell Brand Doing Life 2007 Filmed at London’s Hackney Empire during Russell Brand’s sell-out tour of 2007, 11.10 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan’s guests include Bruce Forsyth, Heather Graham and actor-turnedinvestigative journalist Ross Kemp, with music from Pet Shop Boys. Hang on – they were on the Beeb earlier! Get about a bit those PSBs. 11.55 Big Brother’s Big Mouth Davina McCall is joined by celebrity guests and the latest evicted housemate for the weekly debate. 1.05am Big Brother: Live 4.00 FILM: Odd Girl Out (2005) 5.25 Countdown

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 Angels Of Jarm 7.10 Franklin 7.35 Hana’s Helpline 7.50 Sailor Sid 7.55 Olivia 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.48 Little Lodgers 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 Fifth Gear 11.30 Axe Men 12.30pm FILM: 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up (1995) 2.05 Air Force Afghanistan 3.05 FILM: Saddle The Wind (1958) 4.40 FILM: Sunset (1988) 6.40 Five News 6.45 FILM: The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972) Starring Lee Van Cleef, Stefanie Powers. The fourth in a series of films about the famous Western heroes. This time with Jennifer Hart – she’s goi-gous! 8.30 NCIS Drama series When the dismembered bodies of a prosecutor and a sheriff are discovered, Ducky realises he may be in danger, having worked with the pair on a rape and murder case ten years ago. Tenuous... 9.30 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The CSIs investigate the murder of a Greek national during a student theatre production. When Stella learns her friend, Professor Papakota, is implicated in the case, she heads to Greece to continue her enquiries. But is she ready for what she might find? A massive carbon footprint. 10.30 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers. A handgun found at an arson crime scene leads detectives to arrest a man in connection with an old murder. But the killer’s lawyer argues that he should not be prosecuted because he has undergone a spiritual awakening since the crime. 11.30 The Real CSI 12.00am Quiz Call 3.45 Neighbours (x3) 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am World Twenty20 Cricket 8.00 Where Are They Now? 8.30 LIVE International Rugby Union 10.45 LIVE International Rugby Union 1.00pm LIVE Rugby Union 4.30 International Rugby Union 5.00 Rugby Union 7.00 LIVE Golf: US Open 1.00am Rugby Union 3.00 International Rugby Union 3.30 Super League 5.30 Where Are They Now?

6.00 Outtake TV Anne Robinson presents a selection of TV outtakes. 6.25 BBC News 6.35 South East Today 6.45 Robin Hood See highlights. 7.30 Totally Saturday Graham Norton continues to surprise his audience and the general public when he reveals that he has got their most prized possessions. There is live music from the Pet Shop Boys, and the Jonas Brothers get the Totally Saturday treatment. What Saturday night would be like if Bill and Ted ruled the world. 8.30 The National Lottery Draws Christopher Biggins presents the weekend draws, with special guest Chris Isaak. No irony that his biggest hit was ‘Wicked Game’. 8.40 Casualty Jeff decides to fight for his kids. Cue Rocky music. 9.30 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow Michael McIntyre visits Birmingham’s Hippodrome, as he introduces Tom Stade, Steve Hughes, Paul Tonkinson, with the magnificent Shappi Khorsandi headlining. 10.15 BBC News 10.35 FILM: Firewall (2006) Starring Harrison Ford, Paul Bettany, Virginia Madsen. Action thriller, following a security expert who is forced by a businessman to steal $100 million. 12.15am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 1.15 Weatherview 1.20 BBC News

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill presents more of the nation’s funniest home videos. 6.30 Animals Do The Funniest Things Home vids of comical pets. 7.30 All Star Mr & Mrs Competing for the £30,000 prize for their chosen charities today are actor and comedian John Thomson and his wife Samantha, musician Goldie and his partner Mika, and actress Gaynor Faye and her partner Mark. 8.30 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten contestants compete in the ‘fastest finger first’ round in the hope of winning a place in the hotseat opposite Chris Tarrant, and the chance to walk away with the top prize of £1 million. Want. 9.30 Mumbai Calling Sitcom set in a call centre in India. Terri thinks the operators are lacking in confidence, so she arranges a crash course in self-confidence. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: Lethal Weapon (1987) Starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Gary Buse. All-action crime thriller in which a disturbed undercover cop recovering from his wife’s death is teamed up with a detective with a stable family background to crack an underground drug ring. Bright light! 12.20am Six Degrees 1.05 FILM: One Million Years BC (1966) 2.45 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Tight Lines 7.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 9.00 Cricket AM 10.30 Where Are They Now? 11.00 Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 1.00pm Golf: US Open 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 LIVE Super League 8.00 LIVE Masters Football: London Masters 11.00 Super League 1.00am Masters Football: London Masters 4.00 Gillette World Sport 4.30 NFL: Total Access 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Golf: US Open 11.00 WWE Smackdown 1.00pm Max Power 2.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Rugby Union 10.00 Where Are They Now? 10.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.30 NFL: Total Access 3.30 Where Are They Now? 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Victoria Nangle

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BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

1.00pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 2.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 3.00 Bite Size Brainiac 3.15 FILM: Dazzle (1999) 5.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Martina Cole’s The Take (x2) 11.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 12.00am Miami SWAT

7.00pm LIVE: MOTD Live: Spain V South Africa 9.30 FILM: What Women Want (2000) 11.30 Live At The Apollo 12.15am Family Guy 12.40 American Dad! 1.00 Personal Affairs 2.10 The Real Hustle On Holiday 2.40 Bizarre ER 3.10 Make My Body Younger 4.10 Personal Affairs 5.30 Close

7.00pm Crude Britannia: The Story Of North Sea Oil 8.00 Jackie Stewart: The Flying Scot 9.30 Jim Clark: The Quiet Champion 10.30 Graham Hill: Driven 11.30 Cobra Ferrari Wars 12.30am In Search Of Speed 1.30 Leonard Cohen Live In London 2.30 Leonard Cohen - Songs From My Life: Omnibus

1.20pm FILM: Johnny English (2002) 3.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 3.30 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Highlights 4.30 The World’s Got Talent 5.30 America’s Got Talent (x2) 7.30 FILM: Jurassic Park III (2001) 9.25 FILM: Kevin And Perry Go Large (2000) 11.10 America’s Got Talent (x2) 1.10am FM

11.30am The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: A Case Of Coincidence (x2) 1.40pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.55 Hornblower 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Inspector Morse 7.50 Wycliffe 9.00 Taggart 10.30 Cracker. See highlights. 11.35 FILM: The Browning Version (1994) 1.25am Upstairs, Downstairs (x2)

9.50am Shipwrecked 2008: Battle Of The Islands 10.55 FILM: Vice Versa (1988) 12.45pm Roswell (x2w) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Transporter (2002) 10.50 Rude Tube (x2) 11.50 Big Brother: Live

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.45pm FILM: The Train Robbers (1973) 3.35 Grand Designs (x5) 9.00 Strike: When Britain Went To War 11.10 Which Side Are You On? 12.15am The Battle Of Orgreave 1.35 The West Wing 2.35 Strike: When Britain Went To War 4.45 Close

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 3.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI 12.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Boston Legal

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm Time Team 1.00 Hitler’s Generals 2.00 Blitz: London’s Firestorm 3.00 Forensic Detectives (x2) 5.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 6.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 7.00 Time Warp (x2) 8.00 American Loggers 9.00 Investigation X 10.00 Crimes That Shook The World 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil

2.10pm Joe 90 2.45 Stingray (x2) 3.50 Thunderbirds 4.50 3rd Rock From The Sun 5.20 Knight Rider 6.20 FILM: Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1994) 8.00 FILM: Mammoth (2006) 9.50 FILM: The Ferryman (2007) 11.50 FILM: Lightspeed (2006) 1.30am Nightmares And Dreamscapes

8.45am Mr Hobbs Takes A Vacation (1962) 10.45 Desk Set (1957) 12.45pm Sweet Charity (1969) 3.15 Spellbound (1945) 5.15 Touch Of Evil (1958) 7.15 The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938) 9.00 Desk Set (1957) 10.50 Attack! (1956) 12.50am Spellbound (1945) 2.50 The Movie Geek

11.20am The Movie Geek 11.50 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 1.30pm Girlfight (2000) 3.30 Year Of The Dog (2007) 5.10 The Savages (2007) 7.10 The Movie Geek 7.40 I’m Not There (2007) 10.00 Girlfight (2000) 11.55 Blood Simple (1984) 1.35am The Savages (2007)

11.00am The Lady Vanishes (1979) 1.00pm Secondhand Lions (2003) 3.10 My Neighbour Totoro (1988) 4.55 Porridge (1979) 6.45 Corrina, Corrina (1994) 9.00 Wedding Crashers (2005) 11.15 Natural Born Killers (1994) Tarantinopenned serial killers. Yowza! 1.35am Mean Creek (2004)

7.55am None But The Brave (1965) 10.05 How The West Was Won (1962) 1.00pm Promise Her Anything (1966) 3.00 Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 4.45 Montana (1950) 6.30 The Hill (1965) 9.00 Surviving Picasso (1996) 11.25 The Screening Room 11.55 The Terminal Man (1974) 1.40am Stealing Home (1988)

8.20am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x3) 10.10 Only Fools And Horses (x12) 9.00pm Jonathan Creek 10.10 FILM: And Now For Something Completely Different (1972) 11.55 Porridge 12.35am The Thin Blue Line 1.15 What A Carry On! 1.50 Porridge 2.25 The Thin Blue Line 2.55 Starstruck Classics

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans XL Tour 2005 Live 10.20 FILM: The Man With Two Brains (1983) 12.05am Dave Chappelle

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sunday 21 Top Gear BBC2, 8pm Fancy getting youreslf up to Edinburgh from London but not sure how to travel? Look no further than the TG boys and find out who would’ve made it fastest 60 years ago. Jezza’s got his trusty Jaguar XK120 sports car, the Hamster’s on a Vincent Black Shadow motorbike, and James is taking the steam train. Ready?

The Unforgettable Hattie Jacques ITV1, 10.45pm One of Britain’s best-loved comedy actors, she started off treading the music hall boards, starred in fourteen Carry On films and the long-running sitcom Sykes. With contributions from Eric Sykes, Bob Monkhouse and many close friends, this is a sensitive insight into Hattie’s life.

90210 E4, 6pm Here’s a question – who do you invite to your stag and hen parties if your family and friends don’t approve of the wedding? Tricky. Navid and Adrianna have to find the answer, which is bound to produce tension combined with alcohol resulting in some kind of blow up. Why can’t they all be friends?

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 3.25 EastEnders Omnibus 5.20 Lifeline 5.30 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Dinosapien 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 8.55 The Owl 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Celebrity MasterChef 12.00pm Great British Menu 1.00 Escape To The Country 1.45 FILM: Mrs Caldicot’s Cabbage War (2000) 3.30 Athletics: European Team Championships

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.50 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm Wish You Were Here - Now And Then 12.30 Dream Homes 1.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 2.30 Columbo: The Conspirators 4.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Megastructures 12.00pm Build A New Life In The Country 1.00 Extraordinary People: Real Wolf Kids 2.00 The Hotel Inspector 3.00 Animal Rescue Squad 3.15 FILM: Logan’s Run (1976) 5.30 Five News 5.40 FILM: The Karate Kid (1984)

6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 International Rugby Union 7.00 Rugby Union 9.00 Cricket Writers On TV 10.00 LIVE Cricket: Women’s World Twenty20 2.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 6.30 LIVE Golf: US Open 12.30am World Twenty20 Cricket 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Wild Spirits

7.30 Oz And James Drink To Britain Oz Clarke and James May start their tour of Britain’s beverages on top of the White Cliffs and travel to Yorkshire and Derbyshire to discover exactly what goes into a pint of beer. Oz tracks down one of the most northerly commercial vineyards in the country, and for the final part of the first leg of their trip they enjoy the beers in a string of real ale pubs located on station platforms. 8.00 Top Gear See highlights. 9.00 James May’s Moon Landing James May’s Moon Landing. The shaggy-haired one takes a look at the event that became every schoolboy’s next ambition and made train drivers seem passé. 10.00 Empire Of Cricket Looking at cricket’s history in the world, probably including bits and pieces like the bodyline tour, the history of The Ashes and various other bits that make the thwacking of leather on willow sound like an English cream tea on a summer’s day. 11.00 Cricket: World Twenty20 Cricket: World Twenty20. 12.00am Rowing World Cup Munich Highlights Rowing World Cup - Munich Highlights. 1.00 FILM: The Rains Of Ranchipur (1955) 2.40 BBC News 3.10 The Super League Show

6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 The Royal Mr Rose faces a personal trial when things don’t go to plan at the golf course or in the theatre. Drat, it’s all gone to pot! 8.00 Stephen Tompkinson’s African Balloon Adventure In the final leg of Stephen Tompkinson’s epic balloon ride across Africa, we join him in Botswana where he helps catch a crocodile using a stick with a wire on the end. Don’t try this at home, kids. 9.00 Kingdom Pastoral drama starring Stephen Fry. Nigel and Lyle set out to save an order of nuns from eviction. Fancy themselves as the Blues Brothers, perhaps? 10.00 Ladies Of Letters Gentle comedy drama. Irene invites Vera down for a visit, but long-held insecurities raise their head, when Vera revels in the limelight at a soirée that Irene takes her along to. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 The Unforgettable Hattie Jacques See highlights. 11.15 Crossing Jordan Crime drama. Macy and Nigel investigate a grisly killing in a motel and Jordan suspects that the suicide of a college student may have really been murder. 12.00am TT 2009 12.50 The Cosby Mysteries 1.40 Quincy, ME 2.35 The Fat Bribe Revisited: Tonight 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour 7.30 Volvo Ocean Race 8.30 British Triathlon Grand Prix 9.00 Friends 9.30 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Big Brother 1.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 2.35 Friends 3.10 The Big Bang Theory 3.40 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Supernanny US 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: The Last Show Before The Recovery Topical satirical comedy from impressionist Rory Bremner and regular collaborators John Bird and John Fortune. 8.00 Wife Swap Reality programme in which wives swap their husbands, children and homes for up to two weeks. Driven perfectionist Kerry Murphy swaps her life with selfconfessed lazy mum Kelly Moyston. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own entertainment chat show, featuring sketches, audience participation and interviews. With guests Samuel L Jackson, Ivana Trump and Katy Perry. 10.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. Guests include Claudia Winkleman and Jamelia. 11.25 FILM: Domino (2005) Starring Keira Knightley, Mickey Rourke, Edgar Ramirez, Mena Suvari and Delroy Lindo. Fact-based drama about the daughter of Hollywood actor Laurence Harvey, who gave up her glitzy Beverly Hills lifestyle to become a bounty hunter. Grr. 1.45am Big Brother: Live 4.00 Scrapheap Challenge 5.00 GT4 European Cup 5.25 Countdown

6.05 Last Of The Summer Wine When word goes around town that Old Heptonstall is looking for volunteers, Hobbo and his army of volunteers go and visit him without a second thought. 6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile Matt Baker and Jules Hudson head for Exmoor to discover how the native ponies are being given a new lease of life, and what’s being done to protect crayfish. 8.00 Hope Springs Drama series. Shoo’s discovery of the missing Billy McKenzie’s mobile phone has serious consequences. To make matters worse, an Environmental Health Officer threatens to close down the hotel, but Ellie suspects foul play. 9.00 Casualty 1909 A scandal brews as Nurse Goodley suspects that Mr Dean is ignoring the terrible sideeffects of a new anaesthetic. Must she risk everything and turn whistleblower? 10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Minority Report (2002) Starring Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Samantha Morton, Max von Sydow. Futuristic science fiction thriller about a detective that uses psychics to help convict murderers before they have actually committed their crimes. 12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: Everest ER 1.10 Holby City 2.10 English Heritage 3.10 BBC News

8.00 Among The Apes New series. Renowned primatologist Charlotte Uhlenbroek travels the world on a quest that brings her face to face with some of the world’s greatest primates. Politicians don’t count. 9.00 FILM: XXx (2002) Starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L Jackson, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas, Michael Roof. High-octane action thriller in which an extreme sports junkie is blackmailed by the CIA into taking on a highly dangerous mission to Prague in order to thwart the nefarious plans of a group of Russian extremists. Back to vodka-guzzling baddies. 11.20 FILM: 187 (1997) Starring Samuel L Jackson, John Heard, Kelly Rowan, Clifton Gonzalez and Cameron Diaz. Gripping social drama about the struggles of a dedicated Brooklyn high school teacher. After narrowly surviving an assault by a student, the teacher relocates to Los Angeles, where he finds himself frustrated by his school’s unwillingness to take a hard disciplinary line. Surrounded by pupils who would rather fight than learn, he finds he must develop his own methods for coping with violence. 1.35am Ironman Triathlon 2.25 Boxing Classic 2.50 Boxing USA 3.50 Motorsport Mundial 4.15 Race And Rally UK 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Golf: US Open 11.00 Rugby Union 1.00pm Golf: US Open 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 Volvo Ocean Race 6.30 Where Are They Now? 7.00 LIVE Rugby Union 9.30 LIVE Rugby Union 11.30 LIVE Rugby Union 2.00am Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Masters Football: London Masters 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Super League 1.00pm Volvo Ocean Race 1.30 Masters Football: London Masters 4.30 The Premiership Years 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 WWE Experience 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.30am WWE Vintage Collection 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

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More4

Living

11.00am WWE Experience 12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 The Real A & E 2.00 Lie To Me (x2) 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons (x4) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 House 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm LIVE: MOTD Live: Brazil V Italy 9.30 Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 American Dad! 10.45 Personal Affairs 12.00am Ideal 12.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.00 Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 1.30 How To Rob A Bank 2.30 Bizarre ER 3.00 Personal Affairs 4.10 Ideal

7.00pm The Secret Life Of The Airport 8.00 Fossil Detectives 8.30 Wainwright’s Walks 9.00 Henry VIII: Patron Or Plunderer? 10.00 James May At The Edge Of Space 10.30 The Moon 11.30 The Sky At Night 1.30am James May At The Edge Of Space 2.00 The Moon 3.00 Henry VIII: Patron Or Plunderer?

12.45pm I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 2.45 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 (x3) 5.45 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Highlights 6.45 FILM: Grease 2 (1982) 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 1.45am Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Highlights

11.35am Inspector Morse 1.40pm Kavanagh QC 3.20 Wycliffe 4.30 FILM: The Stepford Wives (1975) 6.50 An Audience With Lionel Richie 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 FILM: Hope And Glory (1987) 11.20 Wired 12.25am Nora Roberts: Northern Lights 1.40 Surgical Spirit (x2)

8.50am Ghost Whisperer 9.45 Beauty And The Geek 10.40 Desperate Housewives (x5) 2.55pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 4.00 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210. See highlights. 6.55 Supernanny US 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Crocodile Dundee (1986) 11.00 Rude Tube (x2) 12.00am Big Brother: Live

10.05am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.25pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.15 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Jamie At Home (x2) 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Killer In A Small Town 11.25 Father Ted 11.55 The IT Crowd 12.30am Curb Your Enthusiasm

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 FILM: Three Amigos! (1986) 3.00 Grey’s Anatomy )x2) 5.00 Private Practice: From Grey’s Anatomy 6.00 Private Practice 7.00 Grey’s Anatomy 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm My Shocking Story (x5) 5.00 Top 20 Ultimate Discovery With Robert Llewellyn 6.00 World’s Lost Tribes 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Battlefield 9.00 Churchill’s Girl 10.00 The Michelangelo Code: Secrets Of The Sistine Chapel 11.00 Showdown: Air Combat 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA

11.00am Haunted Homes (x2) 1.00pm FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 2.50 FILM: Lost City Raiders (2008) 5.00 Impact 7.00 Knight Rider 8.00 Dollhouse 9.00 FILM: Fire From Below (2009) 10.50 FILM: The People Under The Stairs (1991) 1.00am FILM: Larva (2004) 3.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2)

9.00am Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 10.40 Hellfighters (1969) 12.45pm The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 2.50 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 5.50 Fixed Bayonets (1951) 7.25 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 9.00 Hellfighters (1969) 11.55 The Sand Pebbles (1966)

9.30am December Boys (2007) 11.30 Sicko (2007) 1.40pm The Commitments (1991) 3.40 Cradle Will Rock (1999) 6.00 The Top 10 Show 6.15 The Escapist (2001) 7.55 Control (2007) 10.00 Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 12.00am Cradle Will Rock (1999) 2.20 Man’s New Best Friend

11.00am Prince Valiant (1954) 1.00pm The First Wives Club (1996) 3.00 Carry On Abroad (1972) 4.45 The Comancheros (1961) 6.50 Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) 9.00 Rushmore (1998) 10.55 Lost In Translation (2003) 12.50am Prick Up Your Ears (1987) 3.05 Close

10.05am The Screening Room 10.35 The Hill (1965) 1.00pm The Singing Nun (1966) 3.00 Auntie Mame (1958) 5.45 Fort Vengeance (1953) 7.20 Murder Most Foul (1964) 9.00 Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (1997) 12.00am Posse (1975) 1.55 Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (1997)

8.20am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 9.40 Only Fools And Horses (x8) 9.10pm FILM: And Now For Something Completely Different (1972) 10.55 It’s... The Monty Python Story 12.00am Python Night: Pythonland 12.20 Python Night: From Spam To Sperm 1.00 It’s... The Monty Python Story

9.00am Scrubs (x22) 8.00pm Rules Of Engagement 8.30 The Office: An American Workplace 9.00 FILM: Dumb And Dumber (1994) 11.10 Lee Evans XL Tour 2005 Live 12.30am The Grumpy Guide To Fashion 1.10 Grumpy Old Women 1.50 Scrubs 2.20 Comedy Store

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monday 22 Wimbledon 2009 BBC1, 1.45pm Sue Barker, John McEnroe, Boris Becker and our very own ‘Tiger’ Tim Henmen present the very best in British tournament tennis. Watching the usual leaders thrown by our lovely ’rural but still in London’ grass courts, the wildcards making our hearts stop and a few favourite characters still playing simply to entertain.

Dispatches: Rape In The City Channel 4, 8pm After two recent gang rape cases, journalist Sorious Samura investigates just how frequently this horrific form of sexual assault is happening in the UK. With no official statistics he collects data from crown courts, barristers and rape referral centres to find the truth.

Judge Judy ITV2, 6pm A problem page for the telly, here comes Judge Judy Sheindlin to put everything into perspective and hold no truck with sly wordsmiths. Do you have a receipt? Where’s your paperwork? If you didn’t live there why did you just walk in? She’s got all the right questions cutting to the chase. Simple.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Telly Tales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 Wimbledon Review 2008 11.25 Coast 11.30 The Daily Politics 12.00pm Wimbledon 2009 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven - The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Beat The Boss 4.35 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.10 Trapped 5.40 Shaun The Sheep 5.50 Wimbledon 2009 8.00 Today At Wimbledon Today at Wimbledon. 9.00 The Supersizers Eat... Medieval Restaurant critic Giles Coren and writer and comedian Sue Perkins experience the food culture of years gone by. In this programme, they go back to medieval England to live the life of a Lord and Lady. Taking on the role of 100 servants is Michelin-starred chef and AngloSaxon lookalike Martin Blunos. During an exhausting week, Giles becomes a chivalrous knight and goes off to experience the food of a crusader, while Sue learns to play the harp. Let’s have a go too! 10.00 Have I Got News For You Popular news quiz with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis. 11.20 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series about drug dealers in West Baltimore and the police investigating them. As the Franklin Terrace towers are demolished, the Barksdale crew look for new places to sell their drugs. With Avon still behind bars, Stringer comes up with a new sales strategy. Stringer’s maybe getting a little too comfy behind Avon’s desk. You get me? 12.15am BBC News 4.00 Mi Vida Loca (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Divided

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Will And Grace 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.30 FILM: Flying Tigers (1942) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ravi is concerned about his frequent dizzy spells, leading Kris to believe he may have concussion. However, neither of them are prepared for the shock they receive when they visit the doctor. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: Rape In The City See highlights. 9.00 The World’s Greatest Musical Prodigies A showcase of the world’s most remarkable musical prodigies, who will be hand-picked to perform a concerto led by 16-year-old composer Alexander Prior at The Sage Gateshead. Alex finishes his concerto, but receives mixed feedback from his fellow child geniuses. He’s probably not used to the very idea of having peers yet. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 Wife Swap Reality programme in which wives swap their husbands, children and homes for up to two weeks. Driven perfectionist Kerry Murphy swaps her life with self-confessed lazy mum Kelly Moyston. 12.10am 4 Music: Shockwaves Album Chart Show: Akon Special 12.45 4Play: Dan Black 1.05 Big Brother: Live 3.10 Dispatches: Rape In The City 4.00 FILM: Hoodlum Empire (1952) 5.45 Inuk

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Robin Cook’s Terminal (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.30 Rugby Union 2.00pm World Twenty20 Cricket 4.30 Rugby Union 7.00 LIVE UEFA Under-21 Championship 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Home And Away Roman’s life is in danger when Gardy realises he has double-crossed him. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn takes a trip 115 metres below the sea to explore the vast pumping stations, giant fans and double-headed service vehicles that keep the Channel Tunnel dry, cool and running smoothly. 8.00 Fifth Gear Tiff and Jason pit the new BMW Z4 against the Porsche Boxster, comedian and motorbike fanatic Ross Noble meets up with Dougie Lampkin for a day of trial-bike tuition and Tom takes the wheel of the Peugeot 308CC. 9.00 Build A New Life In The Country Property and lifestyle series presented by Charlie Luxton. Charlie meets a couple who plan to renovate a barn in the Brecon Beacons. 10.00 FILM: Snatch (2000) Starring Benicio Del Toro, Dennis Farina, Vinnie Jones, Brad Pitt. Violent comedy crime caper centred around three groups of villains intent on retrieving a missing diamond. 12.05am America’s Toughest Prisons 1.05 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.05 Golf – The Challenge 2.55 Boxing USA 3.55 Winter X Games 4.20 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf: US Open 12.00pm Indy Car Series 2.30 NASCAR 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 LIVE Twenty20 Cup Cricket 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 World Cup Of Poker 11.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 1.00am World Cup Of Poker 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Twenty20 Cup Cricket 5.00 Close

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Everest ER Doctors at Everest Basecamp deal with the biggest emergency of the season when a young woman is found unconscious near the summit. 8.00 EastEnders Jack edges closer to Ronnie’s sneaky secret, and Christian wonders if he has read the right signals in his new relationship. New relationships, eh? Never quite what you think, one way or another. 8.30 Panorama Exclusive access to troops and to footage shot in Talibancontrolled towns reveals the story of Pakistan’s fight against extremists in its mountains and valleys. 9.00 Waking The Dead Crime series. The cold case squad find a dead neo-Nazi hidden in an air conditioner duct of an empty car park. Not usually mistaken for a cemetary. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Moving On Drama. A father attempts to toughen up his son, but in doing so unleashes a chain of events that look impossible to stop. 11.20 FILM: Wilbur Wants To Kill Himself (2002) Starring Jamie Sives, Adrian Rawlins. Black comedy. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: South Pacific 2.05 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 2.35 The Unsellables 3.05 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Mark ‘The Juggler’ is on edge as Natasha narrowly misses seeing Faye at the flat. 7.30 Coronation Street Fiz resorts to desperate measures to get John’s attention. Sex change and criminal record is it? 8.00 The Terrorist Hunter: Tonight Should there be a public inquiry into the 7/7 attacks on London? Sir Trevor McDonald talks exclusively to Andy Hayman, the most senior police officer formerly in charge of the fight against terrorism. 8.30 Coronation Street An inebriated Jason makes a pass at Tina. She gets all the boys. 9.00 Rachel Nickell – Case Closed: Real Crime In 1992, Rachel Nickell was murdered on Wimbledon Common in broad daylight in front of her two-year-old son. This is the account of how it took 16 years to convict her killer. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dating The Enemy Freegan Alf and material girl Lianne date. 11.05 FILM: The Guru (2001) Starring Jimi Mistry. Comedy about a young Indian dance instructor who goes to New York to find his fortune. 12.45am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.40 Loose Women 2.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 10.30am Aerobics: Oz Style 11.00 Masters Football: London Masters 2.00pm WWE Raw 5.00 Golf: US Open 9.00 Golf: Matchplay Golf Championships 11.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 12.00am WWE Late Night Afterburn 1.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 12.55 Bite Size Brainiac 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Law And Order 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 10.00 Miami SWAT 11.00 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop II (1987) 1.00am Road Wars

7.00pm Robin Hood (x2) 8.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Bizarre ER 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Personal Affairs 11.45 Family Guy (x2) 12.30am Gavin And Stacey 1.00 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.30 Personal Affairs 2.40 Make My Body Younger 3.40 Bizarre ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Return To... Airport 8.00 The Way We Travelled 9.00 The Secret Life Of The Airport 10.00 Jet Set 10.40 Horizon: The Survivor’s Guide To Plane Crashes 11.30 The Secret Life Of The Airport 12.30am Stranded! The Andes Plane Crash Survivors: Storyville 2.25 Jet Set

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) See highlights. 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 FILM: King Kong (2005) 12.40am Coronation Street (x2)

12.10pm Goodnight Sweetheart 12.50 Heartbeat 1.55 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.00 Wycliffe 4.05 PD James: Taste For Death 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart (x2) 6.50 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 7.55 Wild At Heart 9.00 Moll Flanders 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 The Lakes 12.15am Kavanagh QC

12.10pm Gilmore Girls 1.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 2.05 Big Brother 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.05 Hollyoaks 4.40 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Shameless 11.05 Rude Tube (x2) 12.05am Big Brother: Live

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Property Snakes And Ladders 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.10 Grand Designs 12.10am Property Snakes And Ladders

11.00am The Steve Wilkos Show 11.55 Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 In Bed With Yvette And Karl 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Forensic Detectives 3.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 Time Warp (x2) 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Haunted Homes (x2) 3.00 Impact 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 A Town Called Eureka (x2) 8.00 Impact 10.00 My Own Worst Enemy 11.00 Bionic Woman 12.00am FILM: Mammoth (2006) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium

9.45am Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 11.30 Coogan’s Bluff (1968) 1.15pm The Blue Dahlia (1946) 3.00 Too Late The Hero (1970) 5.15 Stalag 17 (1953) 7.15 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 9.00 The Longest Day (1962) 12.00am Too Late The Hero (1970)

1.00pm Tumbleweeds (1999) 2.50 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 5.40 The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 8.10 Clubland (2007) 10.00 The Serpent (2006) 12.05am Bringing Out The Dead (1999) 2.10 Bottle Rocket (1996) 3.45 Hana-Bi (1997)

11.00am Fathom (1967) 1.00pm The Diamond Queen (1953) 2.35 The Sheriff Of Fractured Jaw (1958) 4.40 The Hot Rock (1972) 6.40 The Bridges Of Madison County (1995) 9.00 Forrest Gump (1994) Life is like a box of chocolates... 11.40 Elektra (2005) 1.30am Sawdust And Tinsel (1953)

7.15am Auntie Mame (1958) 9.40 Fort Vengeance (1953) 11.15 Murder Most Foul (1964) 1.00pm Skyjacked (1972) 3.00 The Omega Man (1971) 4.55 The Go-Between (1970) 7.10 Elvis On Tour (1972) 9.00 The Butcher’s Wife (1991) 11.05 Clash Of The Titans (1981) 1.15am The Butcher’s Wife (1991)

4.20pm The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Early Doors 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

Classics

Indie