Latest Seven: Issue 431 7-13 July

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7/2/09

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t h e city magazine for brighton & h o v e www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 7 – 13 July 2009

FREE WEEKLY

Serene greens Visit open gardens this sunday and next with the garden gadabout in aid of The Sussex Beacon page 11 Win! 70s nostalgia with Jackie CDs

Heather Jones On working in the MTV world

The Drakes’ philosophy Fine dining and a friendly welcome combined


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Contents ★ latest upfront 5–10 5 Seann tries to be a vegetarian

Welcome W

★ latest listings 17–35 17 Reviews

5 Will: shouldn’t he feel more excited?

Oklahoma entertains us

18 Stage

6 Competitions: win Jackie CDs

Agatha Christie’s mystery on stage

6 Social Diary: Brighton Carnival launch

09 11

19 Film Action, drama and comedy

7 Dani’s fed up of junk mail

20 Comedy

8 Bare Cheek: What’s not on

Setting up a great stand-up night

8 Astral Angi tells us what to avoid 9 Celeb City: The Saturdays in Brighton 10 News: Mary Mears looks at transport

★ latest lifestyle 11–16 11 On the cover: The Garden Gadabout in aid of The Sussex Beacon

20 Art Joseph Beuys’s new exhibition

21 Kids & Events Brighton Carnival capers

21 Interview: The Space Heather Jones talks about life in the entertainment business

22 Music

13 Health: Staying safe this summer

The Down Home Festival, James Morrison, Loop, reviews and more

15 Food: Eating out at the 9 Bar Café fine eateries

13

TOP

Latest Brighton Download Chart

16 Hotlist: Work your way through these

30 18

25 Clubs Loop Late and animal behaviour

26 Gay Seven nights out: who needs sleep?

28 TV Dani picks at Supersizers Eat…

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01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Ralph Miller Dani Winch

Art Director Stephen King

Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit

Production Manager Neil Ive

Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

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e visited the open houses back in May, and now it’s time to visit some spectacular open gardens this month. The Garden Gadabout is here, with over 70 gardens welcoming visitors, raising funds for The Sussex Beacon. Pick up a guide – but hurry, as it’s only on for the next two Sundays. Read more in our special cover story (p11). It’s only the start of July and hopefully there’s a lot more sunny days of summer still to come. As temperatures near that of holiday destinations abroad I take a look at staying safe in the sun in our regular health column (p13). If you’re looking for a music festival fix between the bigger name festivals across the UK, there’s plenty happening right on your doorstep. In Music News (p22) Jeff Hemmings previews the Down Home Festival happening this weekend. Find all the essential gigs to go to in our listings this week, including the Loop Festival, which is taking place across a number of city venues. Brighton Carnival is on this weekend. Staff writer Ralph Miller previews the events in store (p21). Festivities wrap up with the Brighton Carnival Official After Party at the Concorde 2. For this and other nights out, turn to our club listings (p25). If you’re overwhelmed by all the nights on offer, Jaime Pettit previews the best of what’s in store for the week ahead. In other events, The Space comes to Latest Music Bar. The night features guest speakers from the media industry. Ahead of her appearance this Tuesday 7 July, Heather Jones talks about working for entertainment giant MTV among other networks (p21). Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears reports on the Core Strategy Plan in City News (p10). The new transport scheme is set to transform park and ride in Brighton and Hove. Phil Mills reports on other news across Sussex, including Iranian protests outside Hove Town Hall. Jo Brooks has the latest celebrity news in Celeb City (p9) and all your favourite regular columnists, including Will and Seann, are here too.


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3/7/09

1:28 PM

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latest

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open until 2.30am every night!

The city’s magical live music and party venue tues 7 july

the space: meet two leading figures from the music industry heather jones who currently has overall responsibility for content and creativity at mtv networks uk & ireland + nick gatfield emi music’s president of a&r, north america and uk

7.30pm £6/4

fri 10 july

downstairs:charity chuckle presents this is stand-up comedy: a fundraiser for the national autistic society.

7pm–9.30pm £6/5 sat 11 july

daytime: rockskool – showcase of 20 + bands midday til 5pm, £3

thurs

places limited – available on a first come first served basis! 8pm free

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wed 8 july

astro physics music video filming!

catalyst club a monthly event which blends the old traditions of a french salon with debating societies: got a passion? share it with the catalyst club

01273 687171 or just come! *

subject to space

upstairs:

diana frangi exhibition

catfish kings: a six-piece band of rock ‘n’ roll, boogie woogie, and blues.

brighton rock photographer diana frangi’s exhibition of brighton musical personalities including fatboy slim, the maccabees, herbie flowers, the perils, chris difford, al perkins and many more! free and open all hours!

itchy fingers 10pm. £6/£5 or combined ticket 8pm, show starts price of £7.50 for 9pm, £6/5 both shows

please welcome hove’s leading blues band! 8pm, show starts 9pm, £5

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sun 12 july

daytime: roast ’n’ jazz

the impellers

delicious roast dinners & tunes from the jazz, soul, blues greats. roasts served from 12.30pm until 3.30pm, £6.50

+ support from

yokoko 7pm, show starts 8pm, £5/4

mon 13 july

upstairs: have i got breakthrough with rough trade games news for you 2

the best breaking acts around plus djs.

quiz night

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8pm–10.30pm, free

annual games developer conference with ‘the guardian’

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flamenco, latin, spanish pop fusion band and dj and mc after the concert. 8pm til late, £4

open 8am – late for breakfast, lunch & dinner

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar 14 – 17 manchester street, brighton go to our website bn2 1tf. 100 metres up from the pier for tickets & listings


005_LS431_will/seann

7/2/09

12:51 PM

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann

Seann Walsh tried to be a vegetarian, but failed Photo by Woodsy from SXC.hu

egetarianism, unfortunately, makes sense. Without meat, all our nutritional needs can be satisfied, with a minimalised infliction of harm on things that run around in fields. There is widespread belief in animal rights. You’d be confused if someone who was about to kill and eat you said you had rights. It’s a dubious right at best. If we can reduce harm and distress (not to mention death) on other species and still survive comfortably, it follows that we may as well go veggie. It’s a strong argument. However, it falls down to a considerably weaker one: we cherish convenience and custom over reason. Oh, and meat tastes too nice. Far too nice. I’ve tried vegetarianism. It’s repetitive. Monday was pasta. Tuesday was pasta again. On Wednesday I tried (disastrously) to make vegetable curry. Thursday, pasta. By Friday, I was an ex-vegetarian. It’s a shame. My reasons for trying it out were purely ethical: suddenly, I felt uncomfortable with meat. I didn’t see steak; I saw dead cows. When I looked at chicken curry, my mind created scenes of mass slaughter in some kind of chicken Auschwitz.

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Will hen my half-sister called me up out of the blue, two thoughts immediately crossed my mind. The first is that it wasn’t Christmas or my birthday. The second, corresponding thought was that my dad must be dead. Hang on though. If the worst really had happened, wouldn’t it have been my stepmother ringing to break the news? Unless… unless they’d both been killed in some horrific accident. Admittedly this seems unlikely given the sedentary pace of their lifestyle in Devon, where they were last seen painting and decorating cottages. I suppose my dad could have fallen off a set of ladders on top of her. All this conjecture, you understand, I managed to shoehorn into the two-second gap between me saying “Hello”, and my half-sister shouting “You’re going to be an uncle!” In retrospect, I think I prefer my version. “Darling, isn’t it wonderful news?” This was my stepmum, alive and ladder-free. “Yes,” I winced down the phone, and then: “An uncle. Wow.” I wondered if I’d be more excited if I was closer to my halfsister. Not to know her favourite flavour of ice-cream or anything; her age would be a

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“When I looked at chicken curry, my mind created scenes of mass slaughter in some kind of chicken Auschwitz”

I didn’t see meat anymore; I saw death. This doesn't happen with vegetables. My conscience isn’t creative enough to twinge at the possibility of families of carrots mourning their dead. The sad truth, though, is that I became bored. Of course, it’s fair to lay some of the blame on my inability to cook. But my idea of a meal is, roughly speaking, meat and veg. That is to say, a nice bit of meat, some sauce, and some vegetables on the side. They are ingrained in our minds as a side dish. It takes some culinary invention to turn a side dish into anything more than that. Too often in my kitchen I would look at a bag full of green things and think to myself, “I don’t know what to do with that.” So I abandoned ethics in favour of convenience. Most people don’t even suffer the burden of meat-guilt. They will simply say, as I do now, “I've always eaten meat and it tastes too good.” This ready-made, standard-issue carnivore’s argument turns ethics into an elephant in the room, eats the elephant, and still doesn’t mention it. So there you go. I lose the moral argument, but in this case moral defeat tastes good. I’ll take mine medium-rare.

Will Harris is less than excited about his impending status as an uncle “I’m a gay man; we don’t get worked-up about babies (unless they’re our own, or Angelina Jolie’s)”

start. I don’t even know who she’s having this baby with. Stop shouting at me! It isn’t my fault. I’m a gay man; we don’t get worked-up about babies (unless they’re our own, or Angelina Jolie’s). If you want someone to get excited about a baby, go to a woman. They’re programmed from birth to lose control of their mental faculties if they even glimpse a shoe that’s smaller than a size two. It’s dolls that are to blame. From the first time they get their graspers on one, women are hooked (yes, I had dolls too, but at least I had the foresight to model their personalities on the cast of Dynasty). Miniature people are like crack to them. Why do you think Snow White fell in with the dwarves? “A little baby!” cry my (female) coworkers, true to form. “You’re going to be an uncle! Uncle Will!” “She’s not married you know,” I sniff, like the landlady of a guesthouse in a Northern seaside town. But the damage has been done. I’m moving up the family lines, one step closer to the turnstile. I am going to be somebody’s Uncle Will and there’s nothing I can do about it. www.twitter.com/william_tells

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk


006_LS431_Diary/Comps

7/3/09

10:13 AM

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06 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson prepares ▲

Win Jackie Summer Special CDs This week, we’ve got a great nostalgic prize for any one who grew up in the 70s and 80s. This new CD is compiled by the people behind the hugely popular and now discontinued magazine for teenage girls – Jackie. We’re giving away three copies of the Jackie Summer Special, a compilation box set of the greatest summer hits from the 29 years, between 1964 and 1993, that Jackie magazine was published. The three-CD compilation includes summer songs from The Jackson 5, T-Rex, Diana Ross, David Bowie and Rod Stewart along with many others. To be in with a chance to win this great box set of CDs, just tell us: What year did Jackie magazine stop publishing? See below for entry details.

Win Campbell’s Kingdom on DVD To continue the nostalgic theme, we’re giving away three copies of 1950s adventure film Campbell’s Kingdom, starring Dirk Bogarde. The film follows dying Englishman Bruce Campbell as he travels to Canada to take over his inheritance from his grandfather. Campbell’s plans to spend the rest of his life uncovering oil fields beneath the land are met with opposition from a local construction worker, who is willing to kill to stop him. To be in with a chance to win one of three copies of this DVD, just tell us: In which decade was Campbell’s Kingdom first released? See below for entry details.

for all the fun of the carnival and the city’s open gardens

Brighton Carnival Organisers

Carnival caper The Paganini Ballroom at the Barceló Brighton Old Ship Hotel was the location for the launch of the Brighton Carnival 2009. Cocktails were courtesy of Las Iguanas; delicious Caribbean food was enjoyed; live music and dance came from Maracatu Cruzeiro do Sul and Ellie Whitbread Brazilian DJs with Kathryn Gorse a preview of the costumes that will be thrilling the crowds on parade day. The date for your diaries is Sunday 12 July 2009. The parade starts at 2pm at Middle Street and ends at the Brighton Carnival Village on Madeira Drive where the festival begins. For more information visit www.brightoncarnival.co.uk

Ian Nicholas, Cazz Smith

Bridgette Saunders (Gadabout Co-ordinator) Carol Klein (Gardeners World)

Open gardens

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the Ccmpetition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 20 July

Guy Lloyd, Ryan Heal, Jonesy (Juice 107.2)

Steve Bustin (1 Belton Close) Matt Evenden (The Sussex Beacon)

The Garden Gadabout is a special open gardens event taking place in the city on Sunday 12 and Sunday 19 July. In aid of The Sussex Beacon, over 70 gardens in the city open their gates for the public to enjoy a sunny afternoon out. Pick up a guide from the Sussex Beacon shop on St James’s Street and various local shops and cafés to plan your trail. See more in our special cover feature on page 11. Meanwhile, here’s a picture preview of what’s in store.

Deborah Goodwin (43 Richmond Road, Liz Ingram (Liz Ingram Gardens), Sarah White Mouse Dismore, Caroline Woodroffe (BHOGG)


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7/2/09

12:37 PM

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani very day, every one of us will receive some form of spam, whether it be through email or leaflets, phone calls or even text messages. Does anyone actually get any business from sending out all this junk? If anyone in the world wanted to buy Viagra (or something similar) surely they wouldn’t do it via a spam email, would they? At least email providers attempt to separate spam mail from your wanted messages, yet it still appears acceptable to get phoned in the evening and be asked a series of questions about your house, insurance policy, gas, electricity, water provider, credit card, boiler or double glazing. Is there a decent way in which you can ask these callers to hang up and not call again? Because just simply saying you are not interested doesn’t seem to cut it. Why, even if you listen to their spiel and then politely point out that you are not interested, do they then start to try and convince you that you

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Dani is sick of getting bombarded with spam but is too polite to deal with it

must be? It always feels to me as if this is an accepted form of begging. The poor people who have to sit in the office at seven in the evening, disturbing your dinner in the hope that they will make just one sale, probably wouldn’t choose this kind of work. No one likes receiving cold calls so who would actually want to make them? But, a job is a job. No one likes having to get angry at the people who are phoning, but in the end, you can’t help it because they just won’t take no for an answer. Just like the people that own that takeaway in your area. Week one: post flyers. Week two: no one showed up, meaning all the flyers must have been lost. Week three: re-post flyers – and so it goes, on and on. Even your mobile isn’t safe. You get a text message – oooh, who’s it from? Disappointment is followed by annoyance. And if you are at home during the day it’s likely there will have been a

Digging a hole Is it just me or does it seem as if you can’t leave your front door without coming across some kind of road works? It would be wonderful if they were actually improving things, but it always appears to me as if the same place is being done over and over again, always during the height of the summer or Christmas. Then it seems that once everything is back to normal it’s only a couple of weeks before the roads are dug up again!

“If anyone wanted to buy Viagra, surely they wouldn’t do it via a spam email, would they?”

number of different utility suppliers trying to convince you to switch to them. Why is this still allowed? A majority of the flyers will end up in the recycling box, the emails offering everything strange and sexual are, on the whole, ignored, and the callers on the phone get an earful instead of their commission. Is it overstepping the mark when people make you feel uncomfortable in your own home? Surely your right to personal privacy means that once you step into your house, off the advertising-strewn streets, you shouldn’t then have to sift through your email and post to fish out what is actually wanted and then let your dinner get cold because you are too polite to just hang up?

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk


7/2/09

12:14 PM

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08 ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek

In & Out

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

In

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Sequels sequel

What’s not on

• Dirty Dancing 2: Cuban Nights • Grease 2 • Blaire Witch 2: Book of Shadows • Closing Time • Look What's Happened To Rosemary's Baby

Out

Clubs

You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!! Everyone loves The Italian Job with Michael Caine and Noel Coward, don’t they? Everyone who hasn’t seen it recently anyway, as it’s actually a trial to sit through, and mildly racist to boot. Still, Michael Caine eh? Come along for lots of Blur and lager. Dig out that three-button suit you bought in 1995. 10 July. Panbury Club. 8pm £8

Dirty sexy curvy pervy cheezy mucky filthy... will this do? Yes, it’s a SEXY club night – i.e. lots of ladies in too-tight

corsets, feather boas, and fetish gear all with exactly the same Bettie Page haircut, and lots of blokes in ironic 1970s shirts and gold medallions trying to look like they’re having a good time. 13 July. Concorde 3. 8pm £10

• Look Who’s Talking Now • Three Men and a Little Lady • Percy’s Progress • The Munsters Today • 1985

Singalong–a–Harold and Maude Prize for the best fake suicide attempt. Free shot of Tuaca before 9pm. 14 July. Concorde 3. 8pm £10

Last year in Marienbadass Night themed around the enigmatic, ambiguous, dreamlike 1961 Alain Resnais film that few who come along will have actually seen, though that won’t stop them going on about it. With choons from Stereolab, Daft Punk, Jacques Brel, Serge Gainsbourg, Johnny Hallyday, and Jean Michel Jarre. Come in costume for a half price shot of not very nice absinthe. 9 July. Dell’Arte Theatre. 9pm £8

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s not to mess with mother nature, mother-in-laws, or mother freaking Ukrainians Club night somewhat perversely based around the 2003 Mark Wahlberg/Charlize Theron remake of The Italian Job. 12 July. Dell’Arte Theatre. 8pm £9

Singalonga Don’t Look Now

Singalong-a-Don’t Look Now NB – the middle part of the night takes part before the beginning and after the ending. 14 July. Analogue. 8.30pm. £8 Singalong-a-Donnie Darko Half price admission to anyone dressed as a character from The Big Lebowski. 15 July. Concorde 3. 8pm £10

Dirty sexy curvy pervy cheezy mucky filthy... will this do?

Astral Angi

BARDSLEY’S

This week, Astral says take care

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

This week Aries should avoid the following: fatty foods, tequila, the number seven, pavement cracks, Morris dancing, sharp objects, foreign currency and lists.

Cancerians are tougher on the whole but she still be wary of a few things. I would suggest putting distance between yourself and mayonnaise at all times this week.

Librans will surround themselves with a warm sense of security but it will have no strength when it comes to swine flu. Avoid bacon, sausages and all pig related products.

Capricorns are pretty safe if they stick to three simple rules: 1: No chatting to strange men. 2: No accepting sweeties from strangers. 3: Never accept a lift from a myopic grandparent.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans are equally vulnerable and should steer clear of small children, especially boys under the age of six months, automatically opening umbrellas and sugared almonds.

Leos also have the ability to look after themselves pretty well. Preparing for the worst however, could pay off. Never leave the house without a paca-mac and a rainmate.

Scorpios should be on the lookout for some substantial protective clothing this week. I don’t know what you have been doing but I suggest that you buy a stab jacket.

Aquarians should avoid mushrooms. Mushrooms whilst on one level being an innocent ingredient can also be used for other purposes. I believe vegetarians use them.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Gemini’s are never made of the sturdiest stuff and should avoid synthetic fabrics, biological washing powders, the works of George Bernard Shaw and tofu.

Virgo men should avoid women in red, and men in basques – and we should all avoid them. Virgo women should avoid men with pencil moustaches, and trilbys with feathers.

Sagis should avoid any form of excitement which could lead to unnecessary distress and even damp patches. In fact, hide this away from them now.

Pisceans should avoid reading other horoscopes. Only Astral Angi knows what lies in store. Now relax and get yourself over to Bardsley’s for a nice fish supper.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256


009_LS431_celebcity

7/2/09

10:27 AM

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AROUND TOWN 09

sponsored by

Celebcity

Boys and clothes

with Jo Brooks

It’s hot in the city – without the heat wave – as girl band The Saturdays and other celebs visit

I popped along with the girls from the office to the launch party of the brand new H&M superstore in Western Road. Hosted by Juice FM DJs Joneses and Sarah Powell, the top fashion outlet didn’t disappoint as they had three fully stocked bars, lashings of canapés and top band The

main stage performances from Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds didn’t disappoint, neither did Bat For Lashes, The Maccabees and Madness, who gave an amazing 20 hit performance on the final day.

Michelle’s deception Top actress Michelle Collins was performing at the Theatre Royal last week in new psychological thriller Deceptions. Michelle stayed in the city with old friends the Addis family who own Donatello restaurant in The Lanes, which is fast becoming the new celeb hangout, what with Peter and Katie being regular diners. Michelle used the restaurant as her base during her stay.

Dawn’s assets Spotted: cult documentary maker Dawn Porter having her bob trimmed in Trevor Sorbie on Nile Street, then having the latest neon nails painted in the Lanes Health and Beauty. You can see Dawn's new show My Breasts Could Kill Me on Sky One on Tuesday 7 July.

One hot Saturday t’s been hot in the city this past week, not only with the gorgeous heat wave but with some pretty sexy celebs doing what they do best; looking good and hanging out! Firstly last Thursday lounging in new café bar Cup/Bottle were girl band The Saturdays, dressed down I’m told after their gig the night before. Band member Frankie (the dark one who looks like Posh Spice) had her very delicious boyfriend, Dougie from McFly

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in tow. The girls were looking fab despite their late night antics as they currently tour the UK and promote their new single ’Work.’

Pixie’s lot Spotted have a massive bowl of seafood spaghetti in Pinocchio restaurant on New Road was latest teen sensation and number one selling artist Pixie Lott – who incidentally was supporting The Saturdays.

Maccabees playing a DJ set. It was a great experience shopping for clothes, while drinking a beer and staring at some pretty fit guys in the men’s department – move over Miss Brahms!

A Sussex Glastonbury Sussex-based bands were out in force at what was probably the best Glastonbury ever. This year,

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of July 2009 excluding Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers


010_LS431_newsphil/Council

7/2/09

5:36 PM

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10 LATEST NEWS

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills on an Iranian protest in Hove and why animals in Alfriston have a taste for ice lollies

Freedom demo H

undreds of Iranians living in Brighton and Hove are continuing protests against the ruling power in their country and are promising: “We won’t stop until we win freedom.” More than 300 took part in a rally outside Hove Town Hall, where many had cast their votes in the recent national elections. Banners asked the question “Where was my vote?” and demanded “Election, not selection” in what was one of the largest demonstrations by a minority community seen in the city in years. There are upwards of 2,000 Iranians living locally and Masoud Jaadi, 50-yearold spokesman for the protesters, said the vast majority were demanding a stop to the killings in Iran and “new and free” elections. Seventeen people reportedly have died in the capital Tehran and while street protests have been suppressed Mr Jaadi said the movement for change was growing by the day. Mothers and young children joined the Hove protesters and many wore green, a colour from the Iranian national flag and one that now symbolises support for

the opposition leader Mir Hossein Mousavi. Pardis Rad, a 24-yearold student, said: “We need another election, not a recounting of votes.” Sam, a businessman in Brighton for 25 years, carried a poster showing Hitler and Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad dressed as his bride. He said: “They are blocking the news from Iran but I am keeping up with events through BBC Persia and through the internet. Every day people are dying on the streets and we need new elections to stop the killings. “The opposition is getting bigger and bigger all the time and we will have more rallies like this.” Sam, who declined to give his surname for fear of reprisals against his family in Iran, added: “This will continue until we win free and fair elections.”

Chill out at the zoo Iced lollies and suntan cream were used to help Sussex zoo animals cope with the recent heatwave. Keepers at Drusillas at Alfriston were out to ensure the ‘residents’ remained cool and stocked freezers with giant lollipops, made from frozen fruit. These proved favourites with racoons and squirrel monkeys, not only by keeping animals cool but by encouraging them to work a little harder for their food as they would in the wild. In the zoo’s farmyard, kune kune pigs Rusty Porker and Peppa needed protection from the sun’s rays and were regularly coated in high-factor sun cream. Humboldt penguins were showered with water to keep them cool. Normally found off the west coast of South America, in Peru and northern Chile, they are able to live in this region due to the chilling effect of the icy Humboldt Current, which they take their name from. At this time of year many of them are moulting, leaving their skin exposed to the sun.

Travel Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears plans a new Core Strategy for local transport Transport is one of the biggest challenges facing our city over the next few years and I am determined to make it easier, safer and cleaner for people to get around in Brighton and Hove, whether by car, bus, bicycle or on foot. Last week, we launched a public consultation on our planning blueprint for the city – the Core Strategy – which, amongst other things, includes our proposals for setting up a number of park and ride sites near or adjacent to strategic road corridors approaching the city.

“I believe that a park and ride system is vital” These include the Old Shoreham Road, the A259 coast road, A23 London Road and the Lewes Road. I believe that an effective park and ride system is vital for the continued prosperity of a city of our size and so I would encourage everyone to get involved in the consultation so that together we

can identify the best possible sites for visitors and residents alike. To contribute please visit: www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/ldf I am also delighted to report that we are hoping to complete the installation of a network of electric vehicle charging points

across the city by early 2010. These have been successfully tried in London and I’m really excited that we are now able to help Brighton and Hove’s residents benefit from this environmentallyfriendly technology.


011_LS431_SussexBeacon

7/2/09

1:57 PM

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COVER FEATURE 11

English country gardens Over 70 of Brighton’s beautiful private gardens open to the public this July in aid of The Sussex Beacon righton’s largest open garden scheme, The Garden Gadabout, takes place on the Sundays of July 12 and 19. Featuring over 70 gardens across Brighton and the surrounding areas, and with Carol Klein of Gardeners’ World as their patron, The Garden Gadabout has become Brighton’s festival of gardens; a major community calendar event. The gardens are divided into 16 trails designed to be easy to walk around, and all are featured in the Gadabout guide.

complete, many gardens have on sale a delicious array of homemade lunches, cakes and teas to enjoy in beautiful surroundings, as well as plant and seed sales and exhibitions of art. All proceeds go to The Sussex Beacon. This event is not just about visiting some beautiful gardens; the Garden Gadabout is one of The Sussex Beacon‘s largest fundraising events, last year raising over £16,000. With your help they hope to beat that total this year.

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Why not make a day of it? Visit an array of beautiful, inspiring and unique private gardens, as well as helping to raise essential funds for The Sussex Beacon. Or just pop along to some of your own local ‘Gadabout‘ gardens and see what some of your neighbours have created with their space. This year‘s Garden Gadabout really reflects just how much you can do with your plot – a real celebration of diversity and creativity. Part of the Fiveways trail is 71 Florence Road, where you’ll find a wonderful example of how to

convert a small space into a vegetable garden via raised beds. At 22 Arundel Place in Kemp Town, you’ll discover a beautiful town garden with a contemporary garden room, luscious planting, a dry gravel garden, a sunny courtyard and a vegetable patch. Plus, a chance to buy plants propagated by the owners and students from Plumpton College. On the Hove trail at 31 Tongdean Avenue, an established garden on a gently sloping site offers a chance to soak up the beauty of a plethora of rare and unusual trees. Here you will be able to enjoy refreshments amongst the beauty of ferns, mixed shrub and herbaceous borders alongside pots bursting with summer colour. This year there is so much to explore and enjoy, from the atmospheric beauty of Monks House to a garden planted with dustbins! And to make the day

Check out the website www.gardengadabout.org.uk

Check out the Garden Gadabout guide, available in local shops, cafés and the Sussex Beacon shop on St James’s Street. For more info go to www.gardengadabout.org.uk or email gardengadabout @sussexbeacon.org.uk. Entrance is £1 donation per garden on the door, or newly launched this year are the one and two day passes giving access to all gardens on the trail. £6 for one day and £10 for two. These passes can only be purchased in advance (NOT on the day) from The Sussex Beacon Shop in St James’s St or Brighton Dome on 01273 709709.

About the Sussex Beacon Set in beautiful tranquil surroundings overlooking the South Downs, and with a lovingly cared for and landscaped garden, the Sussex Beacon is the only purpose-built care centre for men and women living with HIV in the county. One of only two care centres of its kind in England, The Sussex Beacon has been at the forefront of HIV care since 1992. No longer simply a hospice, they provide a range of services and care via a ten bed residential unit, day care and health management services. They offer support for help with antiretroviral therapies, medical convalescence, monitoring and maintenance of health, respite care, palliative and terminal care. Today there is still no cure or vaccine for HIV, so there is a very real need for the Beacon. HIV is now the fastest growing serious health condition in the UK. Their garden is open for one Sunday, on July 19, and is a beautiful spot to sit in the sunshine and relax over a restorative cuppa, or to pick up a bargain from one of the stalls.

the garden gadabout 2009


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013_LS431_Health

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HEALTH 13

Sun safe

Stay safe and healthy this summer at home and abroad, writes Zara Baker n the summer months, we can inevitably let our guard down when it comes to health and safety. This is most certainly the case when holidaying abroad as sunbathing or drinking copious amounts of alcohol becomes the norm for your fortnight away. With the gorgeous weather we’ve been enjoying at home, it’s more important than ever to apply the same rules in the UK.

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Protect with SPF A deep golden tan may be craved for but sunbathing without SPF protection in the height of the day is not the way to go about it. This increases the risk of skin cancer later on in life and it’s downright uncomfortable to live with sunburn in the present. Plus, blisters and peeling skin is not a good look. Wear sun cream or moisturiser with an SPF of 15 or above, even on cloudy days as the sun’s rays still penetrate. Reapply cream throughout the day, especially if you’re going in water. Stay out of the sun’s direct rays at lunchtime when it’s at its hottest. Wear a hat or sit under a parasol if you’re spending the day outside.

Drink plenty (of water) Keep glugging the clear stuff, whether you’re active in the sun, walking or playing sports, or just relaxing on a deck chair. Sun exposure and high temperatures can cause heat exhaustion and even heat stroke. If you feel dizzy or have a headache that won’t shift, your body needs to cool down. Use this as the sign to swap the sun for an air-conditioned room and drink plenty of fluids. When holidaying abroad, locate the nearest supermarket and stock up on plenty of fresh water. The excitement of being away and rushing around to fit in all the sights can mean you ignore symptoms of heat exhaustion.

Enjoy cooked food Enjoy al fresco dining, barbecue parties and seaside restaurants – it’s a highlight of the summer months – but beware of undercooked food. Barbecues are the most likely suspects, with charred bangers on the outside, yet raw pink meat inside. In restaurants abroad, chicken or fish can cause tummy upsets that can last for days, spoiling the rest of the trip. Make careful choices over eating; is it a help-yourself buffet? How long has the food been laid out?

Keep it personal In the midst of relaxation, it’s hard to imagine unpleasant scenarios like theft. Don’t let your guard down and protect personal items and family members at all times. Leave someone keeping an eye on belongings while the others go for a swim. But remember, fast asleep does not count as ‘watching’!


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14 FOOD&DRINK

Fine dining Discover the sumptuous delights of fine dining in the restaurant at drakes At the heart of drakes’ philosophy is the desire to treat guests as friends coming to stay. This ethos is evident throughout the hotel, especially at ‘the restaurant at drakes,’ one of Brighton’s favourite fine dining restaurants. Guests can expect a warm welcome from the professional front of house team upon arrival. Pre dinner cocktails can be enjoyed in the seafront reception bar while choosing from the ever changing choices on the impeccable menu. The highly acclaimed head chef, Andy MacKenzie, has been at the helm of their kitchen team for over two years. He takes immense pride in providing the best the season has to offer while sourcing quality local ingredients. His innovative modern European menus have earned him respect and recognition with the Brighton population and international guests staying at the hotel. For more intimate dinner parties drakes offer the precious benefit of privacy in their stylish private dining room, complete with your own dedicated waiting staff. Set menus available for dinner with two courses for £28, three courses for £35 and the gastronomic five-course chef’s taster menu for £50. Specially selected wines can be ordered to complement each course. Menus and further information, including exclusive use hire of the hotel and restaurant is available on their website: www.drakesofbrighton.com drakes hotel and the restaurant at drakes, 43-44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, reservations on 01273 696934.

We are one of the best leading buffet restaurants in Brighton, situated on the prominent London Road opposite St Peters Church, just 5 minutes walk from the railway station. With the most affordable and unbeatable prices, you'll enjoy plenty of dishes from the Orient, whose cuisine we have specialised in for over 10 years. We offer Seafood, Aromatic Crispy Duck, Japanese Sushi and Teppanyaki, Salad Bar and Ice Cream Corner. With over 50 items for lunch and 70 for dinner, and our attentive and friendly service at all times, we look forward to welcoming you in the near future.

Unbeatable Summer Offer Valid until 15 August Lunch Mon-Sat £5.99 Evenings & all day Sunday £6.99


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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 15

Food & drink Andrew Kay is happy as Larry at 9 Bar andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Raise the bar I

n deepest Hove the streets are not so much lined with gold as lined with restaurants. Hugger mugger they dominate much of Church Road and amongst them there are some real gems. But it does beg the question, why one more? I felt I should ask this of 9 Bar, a newcomer, but after an early dinner they had more than adequately answered the question. 9 Bar is a good concept, brilliantly executed. By day the place is very much run on café lines, with great coffees and soft drinks, cakes and lighter food. In the evening it takes on a different role and offers a menu of excellent food that quite simply blew me away. I guess the word café had lowered my expectations but I was oh so wrong. The look is stylish and modern with few surprises, but it is spotlessly clean which always impresses. Over the years you automatically apply the skirting board and light switch check and they passed with full marks. On to the food. I had no idea what to expect but when the menu arrived I was spoilt for choice – there were so many dishes that I wanted to try. Mr R was similarly placed but soon settled on calamari. It arrived on a huge roof slate and was crisp, brilliantly seasoned with the promised salt and chili and generously proportioned. The soy dressing and seared lime added an extra zing and a crunchy salad finished the dish. Slightly less hungry, I chose local asparagus, eating it while I could, served with a fried duck egg. Good idea, I thought, and when I saw that the duck egg had been poached, breadcrumbed and fried, I changed that to brilliant. The top was cut off and the runny yolk had been seasoned with a little butter and vinegar. Simply splendid stuff. Mr R moved on to a plate of confit duck which came with perfect mash and showstopping carrots as well as broad beans and spinach. It silenced the man for a while, quite a feat in itself. And hooray for great carrots. I chose the Sussex lamb shoulder, which was slow braised and excellently trimmed and tender. But it was the sorrel faggot that attracted me and it was that faggot that won the day. I love faggots when they are good and this was sublime, perfect seasoning, texture – what more could a man ask for? Well I was tempted to ask for more. My vegetables were squeaky spring greens, superb chicory and a gratin dauphinoise of excellent pedigree. Full to bustin’, I still cleared my plate.

“What more could a man ask for? Well I was tempted to ask for more”

Sadly that left little room for dessert, with Mr R only managing some ice-cream. I chose what was listed as a Pavlova. The owner dashed over and asked if I were able to settle a dispute. He was of the opinion that it was a Pavlova, the rest of the team thought it a roulade. I came down on the side of roulade, and a very good roulade too, but not a Pavlova as I know it. We each drank one glass of an appropriate wine and had a good coffee despite being full to almost beyond comfortable. 9 Bar may well think it is a café by day or a bar even but with a chef as accomplished as this, by night it is a restaurant of note and I urge you to get down there pretty damn fast. I certainly intend to go along and see what is on the next menu. And I hope there will be faggots for dinner again. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk

Come and visit our successful new wet fish shop. We have experienced staff to help you make your choice from our extensive range, caught locally from our own boats that land daily. We also serve restaurents, hotels, caterers and pubs. Also, we stock sauces and culinery items to enhance your dishes. For fresh from the sea and local products we cannot be beaten. Look forward to seeing you.

Opening hours: Mon - Sat: 8am - 4pm Brighton & Newhaven Fish Sales (BNFS) South Quay Basin Road South, Aldrington Basin, Portslade BN41 1WF (Office) 01273 420123 (Fax) 01273 430065


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7/2/09

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16 HOT LIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

Restaurants British and modern European 9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit – they do the best chips ever tasted. They appear to have already acquired several of Brighton and Hove’s celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk

Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

The Dorset A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best peoplewatching spot in town. This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of home-cooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish. Their Bloody Mary’s are very popular too! 28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors

and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this familyfriendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Brasserie Now opened in the heart of Brighton, on the seafront. The menu has changed, they offer brunch, lunch, tea and dinner from 11am through to 11pm, Monday to Sunday. They’ve gone more mainstream but some of the old favourites remain, along with the French specials, changing regularly on the blackboards. Their European menu was created in response to demand – the credit crunch has hit us all and prices need to be easier on the pocket. Pop in for a croque monsieur during the day, coffee and cake or treat yourself to a cocktail – they have over 30 on the menu. They are now able to cater for parties of all sizes. Contact

the restaurant for further information. 64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA, 01273 721488

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Cocoa Patisserie

Italian

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie found just down from Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the promises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads. Eat in or take away, there’s something for everyone, including beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions creates the perfect setting for the appreciation of homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their very reasonable priced menu starts at £10.50 for two courses, 12.50 for three courses during the week, and £14.50 for two courses, £16.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm to 9.45pm for last orders seven days a week. 10 & 11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 / 695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/ restaurant.asp

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature.

Donatello Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, Fat Leo has trendy interiors, including the toilets, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, any three courses £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast. Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest hot list call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105


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LATEST LISTINGS 17

latest listings

YOUR WEEKLY GUIDE TO WHAT’S ON 7 – 13 JULY Under review Here’s our roundup of recent local shows, plus there’s oodles of reviews online at www.thelatest.co.uk Inbred Knucklehead After their previous evening’s performance at the Prince Albert supporting the hilariously brilliant Leonard and Bubba’s Delicious Goo Goo Cluster, Italy’s Inbred Knucklehead (fronted by Mike, a former Brighton resident, now Italian based but still an American citizen) proceeded to win over a decent crowd at this Radio fundraiser. Their superbly executed amalgam of Rage Against The Machine style funk, rock, ska, country, speed metal, hip-hop and good old fashioned rock gave us all a smile as we appreciated their great musicianship, nutty stage presence and utter lack of respect for musical conventions. Latest MusicBar, 26 June

★★★★✩ Julie Andrews Malcolm Gladwell Live! Malcolm Gladwell’s latest book

selling author whether his extraordinary success ever led to a smidgeon of overconfidence, but frustratingly there was no Q and A session. Still, his energetic oratory provided some great potential insults; next time you encounter an arrogant show-off, just tell them they’re “miscalibrated”. Dome Concert Hall, 23 June

★★★★✩

18 Stage The Agatha Christie Theatre Company present Spider’s Web

19 Film Comprehensive cinema listings and reviews

20 Comedy Victoria muses about promoting a new comedy night

Colette Bernhardt

20 Art

Malcolm Gladwell

Outliers considers the factors that create unusually successful individuals. But tonight the crazy-curled philosopher hit on a new topic; “expert failure”. Drawing parallels with the Battle of Chancellorsville, he diagnosed the global financial crisis as a case of intelligent but overconfident bankers becoming complacent and ineffectual due to their “illusion of control”. No doubt audience members were itching to ask the best-

Hot review of the week

Cutting The Cord by Flying Eye Thursday night treated an intimate audience to a promenade style performance of Cutting The Cord. Hosted at Brighton’s edgy performance venue, The Basement, this magical 45-minute piece, written and devised by Flying Eye and Daniel Clark, made us feel like the lucky few to catch a glimpse of a mini masterpiece in development. The play, themed around the question of what it is to belong, told a tale of a young girl moving from Tokyo to London. Sachi Kimura’s charming monologues, the live score, ingenious set design and the clever interjections of David Attenborough voiceovers, created an experience that was humorous and touching, at the same time as being highly creative and delightfully understated. The Basement, 25 June

21 Kids & events Everybody salsa! It’s Brighton Carnival

22 Music The Down Home Blues and Country Festival. Yee-haw cowboy!

25 Clubs If your name’s not down you’re not coming in

26 Gay Volunteers needed for this coming Pride

28 Television Pass the remote please...

Steve Bustin p26

★★★★✩ Oklahoma Rodgers and Hammerstein were not shy of tackling tough material but over the years producers and directors have softened the blow, often turning it into a ginghamwrapped romp. I am glad that CFT have given us a tough new production that is as bitter as it is sweet. A stunningly bare stage of sculpted timber backed by two dramatic sweeps of cloth leave space for your imagination to reign. The cast, an ensemble of talent, give it their all. The choreography is modern but elegant, the singing precise and the leads have the talent to play the roles for the drama as well as for the songs. TV’s Natalie Casey more than proves her worth with a portrayal of Ado Annie that hovered between innocence and slutty. Oklahoma is an emotional white knuckle ride that uses bathos brilliantly.

Jeff Wayne’s War of the Worlds This bizarre musical adaptation of HG Wells’ famous novel is now in its 30th anniversary tour. With a full orchestra and a giant screen showing the Martians on their conquest of earth, this is certainly not your usual stage show. Jennifer Ellison of Brookside fame stars alongside Justin Hayward of the Moody Blues for the sung elements of the performance, while the most surreal aspect is the narrating talking head of Richard Burton, who died in 1984. This was a very weird but also rather fun show.

Chichester Festival Theatre, 24 June

Brighton Centre, 27 June

★★★★★

Influential: Joseph Beuys’ exhibition at the De La Warr Pavilion

Dannii Evans

★★★★✩ Andrew Kay

Ralph Miller

For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk


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7/2/09

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18 STAGE

Show off

Classic Christie

An evening of physical theatre, music and art from Artichoke

The Agatha Christie Theatre Company present Spider’s Web

hy not go along to Show Off, an exciting evening of physical theatre, music and art by children and adults from Artichoke Artgroup and Somerhill Junior School. The showcase is a series of fun and action filled short plays born from improvisation games, comics studies, storytelling and mask workshops. Helen Longton-Howorth, Somerhill School Deputy Head says: ”Wonderfully original and professional, the children’s dedication and attention to detail is fantastic. We are very proud to support such talented performers.” The programme will include physical theatre with children from Somerhill Junior School and Florence Leon, Artichoke’s theatre director (each short play lasts between eight to fifteen minutes) with pieces like Spaceship, based on bande mimee (comic) style, The Race and Red, based on conteurs mimeurs (storytelling) style, Egg, which uses larvarian masks handmade by the performers, and a clown piece called Pull and Shove. There will be music from James de Malplaquet – Artichoke’s music director, who is a singer, songwriter and percussionist from The Miserable Rich. He will be joined by Jacob Richardson – a singer, songwriter and guitarist from Sons of Noel plus Adrian Zachary Hooper and guests on flamenco and jazz guitar. There will also be an art exhibition, featuring children from Somerhill Junior School alongside artists including Paul Cemmick, cartoons; Roberta Young, art and sculpture; David Curtis and Lisa Childs, 3D design; André Lichtenberg, photography; Bip Mistry, photography; Kandy Akland, photography and Solange Leon who designed the Bilbao’s Wave posters. Show Off, Westhill Hall Community Centre, Compton Avenue, Seven Dials, Brighton Saturday 18 July at 3.00pm and Tuesday 21 July at 7.00pm. Entrance £2.50 on the door and refreshments will be available.

Following the Agatha Christie Theatre Company’s hugely successful productions of The Hollow, The Unexpected Guest and, most recently, And Then There Were None, this fourth instalment in the highly acclaimed series promises to be the most intriguing and entertaining yet. When Clarissa discovers a dead body in her drawing-room, she tries to dispose of it before her Foreign Office diplomat husband returns home with a government VIP guest in tow. Equipped with an overactive imagination, Clarissa finds a real life murder a little to hard to handle! It soon becomes apparent that the dead man was not unknown to all the house guests. As the web of deceit starts to unravel, Clarissa pulls her friends into a desperate race to unveil the murderer before the police arrest her as their prime suspect. The all-star cast includes Denis Lill from The Royal, Melanie Gutteridge, best known for playing PC Emma Keane in The Bill, Soldier Soldier star Ben Nealon and Bruce Montague (Butterflies). Spider’s Web, Theatre Royal, New Road, Brighton Mon 13 – Sat 18 July. Eves 7.45pm, Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm. Box Office 08448 717 650 (bkg fee) Access Bookings 0844 871 7677 (bkg fee) Tickets £13–£25. www.ambassadortickets.com/brighton

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Stage listings Tuesday 7 July to Monday 20 July Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Oklahoma The story of an Oklahoma farm girl, Laurey, who is forced to choose between Curly, the happy-go-lucky cowboy she loves, and Judd, the mysterious loner she fears. • 7 July–29 August, 7.30pm please check with venue to confirm, £12-36 The House of Special Purpose The story of the deposed Russian Tsar and his family as they are held captive by communist soldiers in post-revolution Russia. • 7 July–22 August, Minerva Theatre, 7.45pm please check with venue to confirm, £26.50

Kneehigh Theatre company. Recently finished in the West End • 7 July–11 July, 7.45pm plus Wed & Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£21 Last of the Summer Wine A stage version of the beloved BBC classic. Ruth Madoc (Hi-Di-Hi) leads a cast which also includes Tony Adams (Crossroads) and Steven Pinder (Brookside) in this world premiere from the pen of comedy-writing legend Roy Clarke OBE. • 15 July-8 August, 7.45pm plus Wed & Sat 2.30pm, no Sunday performances, £13.50£19.50

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Brief Encounter Noel Coward’s ever popular film gets a stage makeover from

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Evita Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s extraordinary musical about Evita Peron, wife of Argentinian dictator Juan Peron

comes to the stage. • 7 July–18 July, 7.30pm plus Thurs & Sat 2.30pm, No Performances Sundays, £23-£35

the silent protagonist. • 8-11 July, 7.45pm, £6-£8.50.

Theatre Royal The Hawth, Crawley 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Circles in the Sand This interactive show gives children aged up to three years old the chance to explore, discover and play with sand, led by Tam Tam Theatre’s Marleen Vermeulen. • 10–11 July, Fri 10.30am & 1.30pm & Sat 11am & 2pm, £6.

New Venture Theatre, Brighton 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Mademoiselle Y A performance event of dance and drama exploring the tensions within August Strindberg’s play ‘The Stronger’. An opportunity to view the original play and go on a journey of physical and vocal interpretations of Dinnerladies, The Theatre Royal, 7-11 July

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Dinnerladies Victoria Wood’s TV comedy is back, this time on the stage. With several members of the TV cast, this promises to be a treat for Dinnerladies fans. • 7 July–11 July, 7.45pm plus Thurs and Sat 2.30pm, £12-£26 The Agatha Christie Theatre Company: Spider’s Web A dead body is discovered by the wife of a Foreign Office diplomat. A murder mystery ensues. • 13 July–18 July, 7.45pm plus Sat 2.30pm, £15-£27

Highdown Gardens – Open Air Theatre, Worthing 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Rainbow Shakespeare: Henry V England’s most charismatic king fights the odds in war and love. In a great outdoor summer location. • 14 July–19 July, 7.30pm (gates open at 6.30pm for picnics) plus Sat and Sun 2pm (gates open at 1pm for picnics) £12.


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FILM 19

www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 7

Thursday 9

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 12.45, 1.30, 3.15, 4.15, 5.45, 6.45, 8.00

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 12.45, 1.30, 3.15, 4.15, 5.45, 6.45, 8.00

MY SISTER’S KEEPER (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 8.30

MY SISTER’S KEEPER (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 8.30

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 1.45, 5.00, 6.00, 8.15, 9.15

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 1.45, 5.00, 6.00, 8.15, 9.15

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (15) 9.00pm

SUNSHINE CLEANING (15) 12.00

SUNSHINE CLEANING (15) 12.00

THE HANGOVER (15) 1.00, 3.45, 6.15, 8.40

THE HANGOVER (15) 1.00, 3.45, 6.15, 8.40

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (12A) 12.30, 2.15, 3.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.45, 8.45

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (12A) 12.30, 2.15, 3.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.45, 8.45

YEAR ONE (12A) 1.15, 3.30, 9.00

YEAR ONE (12A) 1.15, 3.30

THE YOUNG VICTORIA (PG) 10.30am

Wednesday 8

Films showing Friday 10–Monday 13

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 12.45, 1.30, 3.15, 4.15, 5.45, 6.45, 8.00

BRUNO (18)

MY SISTER’S KEEPER (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.15, 8.30

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM SHOWINGS AND TIMES

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 1.45, 5.00, 6.00, 8.15, 9.15

L7 lowdown What’s on this week

The Hangover (15) Dir: Todd Phillips You know when you wake up with a hangover and can’t quite remember what happened the night before? Well that’s exactly what happens here. Many things seem out of place as a group of young guys on a stag do in Vegas awake with sore heads. As they retrace their steps from the night before, all sorts of shenanigans are uncovered. It’s not highbrow, but it’s fun! Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

SUNSHINE CLEANING (15) 12.00 THE HANGOVER (15) 1.00, 3.45, 6.15, 8.40 TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (12A) 12.30, 2.15, 3.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.45, 8.45 YEAR ONE (12A) 1.15, 3.30, 9.00

www.picturehouses.co.uk

01273 626261 Tuesday 7

Saturday 11

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 11.00, 2.30, 6.00, 9.00

RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN (PG) 11.00am

Wednesday 8

Sunday 12

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 11.00, 2.30, 6.00, 9.00

PERSONAL BELONGINGS (no certificate) 11.00am

Thursday 9

Monday 13

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 12.30, 3.15, 6.15, 9.15

TBC

Friday 10 TBC

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 7

Thursday 9

THE HANGOVER (15) 1.50, 4.10, 6.40, 9.15

THE HANGOVER (15) 1.50, 4.10, 6.40, 9.15

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 6.00

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 6.00

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 3D(U) 11.40am, 1.00, 2.00, .3.30, 4.30, 7.00, 8.30, 9.30

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 3D(U) 11.40am, 1.00, 2.00, .3.30, 4.30, 7.00, 8.30, 9.30

MY SISTER’S KEEPER (12A) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45

MY SISTER’S KEEPER (12A) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 2.10, 5.15, 8.20

PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 2.10, 5.15, 8.20

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (12A) 1.20, 2.20, 4.40, 5.40, 8.00, 9.00

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (12A) 1.20, 2.20, 4.40, 5.40, 8.00, 9.00

YEAR ONE (12A) 12.00, 2.30, 4.50, 7.15, 9.40

YEAR ONE (12A) 12.00, 2.30, 4.50, 7.15, 9.40

Wednesday 8

Films showing Friday 10–Monday 13

THE HANGOVER (15) 1.50, 4.10, 6.40, 9.15

BRUNO (18)

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 6.00

CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (U) Dir: Carlos Saldanha The prehistoric animation returns once more. This time it’s more of a family affair, with many of the characters starting their family. How very sweet... except, there are lots of dinosaurs everywhere! Catch it in 3D at certain screenings. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Connaught My Sister’s Keeper (12A) Dir: Nick Cassavetes Based on the popular novel by Jodi Piccoult, this drama tells the story of a couple (Jason Patric and Cameron Diaz) and the difficult decision they make to save their baby girl’s life. So difficult in fact, that their decision results in a court case that threatens to tear their family apart. Don’t forget to bring the tissues to this one. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Personal Belongings (N/C) Dir: Alejandro Brugués This independent romance from Cuba tells the tale of a group of men desperately trying to leave the island, either by raft to Florida or via the embassies, pleading for permission to visit the country with a plan of never returning. Ernesto follows the latter strategy but meets Ana, a doctor who refuses to leave Cuba, leading them into an off-kilter and unorthodox romance. Showing at Duke Of York’s

Public Enemies (15) Dir: Michael Mann Johnny Depp, Christian Bale and Marion Cotillard star in this Depression era thriller. Based on a true story, Depp plays popular bank robber extraordinaire John Dillinger, who steals from the hated banks. Cotillard plays his girlfriend Billie Frechette, while Bale is the FBI agent Melvin Purvis, tasked with stopping all the bank robbing. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Duke of Yorks Race To Witch Mountain (PG) Dir: Andy Fickman Disney remake this caper to help the peace-loving aliens evade the nasty authorities hot on their trail. Our merry band of intergalactic peace-keepers is led by former wrestler The Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson) playing the taxi driver who just got dragged in to the whole escapade. Family fun. Showing at Duke Of York’s Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (12A) Dir: Michael Bay Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox return to look beautiful, make friends with Autobots and battle evil Decepticons out to destroy the world in some truly awesome big budget blow ups. Joining this pretty crew are Rainn Wilson and Josh Duhamel. Cool. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld Year One (12A) Dir: Harold Ramis This American comedy stars Jack Black and Michael Cera as two lazy hunter-gatherers, banished from their primitive village in biblical times. They embark upon an epic journey and attempt to free the women they hope to ‘lay with’. Also featuring Hank Azaria (Moe and Chief Wiggum in The Simpsons) and Vinnie Jones. Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Connaught

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS 3D(U) 11.40am, 1.00, 2.00, .3.30, 4.30, 7.00, 8.30, 9.30 MY SISTER’S KEEPER (12A) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 PUBLIC ENEMIES (15) 2.10, 5.15, 8.20 TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (12A) 1.20, 2.20, 4.40, 5.40, 8.00, 9.00 YEAR ONE (12A) 12.00, 2.30, 4.50, 7.15, 9.40

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 7 – Thurs 9

Tuesday 7-Monday 13

YEAR ONE (12A) 5.30pm, 8pm

ICE AGE 3: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS (U) 4.30, 7.00 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Public Enemies


020_LS431 stand-up/art

7/1/09

11:19 AM

Page 2

20 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter Victoria Nangle on the fine art of promoting a new comedy night in your area

he fine art of gig promoting can be as easy or as complex as you like. But generally speaking, if you leave it too simple in these current belt-tightening times you‘re more likely to end up with an audience of one man and his dog. And they probably only wandered in to get out of the rain. Once the acts are booked, the venue’s reserved, the compere has the date earmarked, you know what’s happening with your tech equipment and that someone’s working the door to collect the money you hope to raise from this endeavour, it’s time to sort out getting the people in. The paraphrase ‘if you book them, they will come’ is no longer as true as it once was. We are lucky to have so many things on offer to entertain our easily bored brains, so in putting on a night you really need to let people know about it. Unfortunately, not everyone can afford sky-writing. One of the simplest and cheapest way these days to let the world know you’ve got a comedy extravagenza that anyone would be a fool to miss coming up is to put an announcement up on Facebook. After that you send out a message to everyone invited to your new group – some people get far too many invites to actually pay any attention to, so a message gets their attention good and proper. And then it’s down to the more traditional forms of promotion. Posters are designed, flyers handed out, friends called and asked to invite their friends. It’s the difference between packing the place out and simply having the comics and their other halves/person who gave them a lift to the venue sitting in the front row, trying to make more noise to compensate for the empty seats behind them. It’s worth having a look at what makes you different from all of the other nights that are on out there already, too. There’s no point putting on a new act night when there’s one already going on in the pub four doors down. Check what else is on in your area, and make sure what you’re offering is different. Gazumping someone else’s punters will never make for a popular business plan. And finally, enjoy yourself. Comedy’s supposed to be fun after all.

T

“We are lucky to have so many things on offer to entertain our easily bored brains...”

Here and now Sculpture Object Action Revolution: a Joseph Beuys exhibition German artist Joseph Beuys (1921–86) is widely recognised as one of the most influential and extraordinary artists of the twentieth century. Artist, educator, political and social activist, Beuys’s philosophy proposed the healing power and social function of art, in which everyone can participate and benefit. Collectively, the exhibition presents the ‘constellation of ideas’ central to Beuys’s practice, revealing his ideas on zoology, ecology, homeopathy, economics, politics, social activism,

Art listings Ditchling Museum

Stand-up wisdom: “I don’t need to prove my manliness to anyone. It said so in a survey on Woman’s Hour.” Ben Pritchard

Comedy listings Wednesday 8 Edinburgh Preview: Paul Foot Presented by Knock Knock Comedy, camp crusader whose pedantry, bluff and innuendo ridden rants have made him a favourite. Caroline of Brunswick, 8pm, £8

Thursday 9 Old Rope See some of the best UK comedians showcase new material – hosted by Perrier award-winner Phil Nichol and

Tiffany Stevenson. Komedia, 8pm, £8.50/6.50

Friday 10 This Is Stand Up Comedy With Gerry Howell headlining, and great comedy talent to support, support this fundraiser for the National Autistic Society. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £6. Krater Comedy Club Circuit favourites Sarah Millican, Gary Delaney and Jamie Kilstein take to the stage, along with award-

winning compere Stephen Grant. Also on Saturday (7pm and 10.30pm, £16.50) and Sunday (8pm £10/6). Komedia, 7.30pm, £12.50/10

Monday 13 Edinburgh Previews: Paddy Lennox and Matt Kirshen The Funny Farm present a couple of the best Edinburgh previews. A fiver to see the pair! The Farm Tavern, 8pm and 9.30pm, £5

teaching and learning. Beuys incorporated into his work various materials such as felt, fat and metal, selected because of their inherent properties such as insulation, conduction and protection which all have associations with Beuys’s ideas. The exhibition is largely selected from the Artist Rooms’ collection and brings together well-known sculptures, drawings, vitrines and a selection of posters recalling live actions and events. Beuys Is Here: Sculpture Object Action Revolution, De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill-on-Sea, until 27 Sept

Church Lane, Ditchling 01273 844744 Drawn from Ditchling: Portraits from a Sussex Village Portraits from the Museum’s collection – paintings and drawings, caricatures and photographs, word and film – celebrate the artists who have lived in Ditchling as well as local people who have drawn, painted and photographed in this village. • Until December 2009, Tues–Sat 10.30am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

• Until 12 July, Mon–Sat 10am–6pm

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens 01273 290900 The American Scene: Prints From Hopper to Pollock 56 modern American artists are featured at this popular exhibition documenting America from the turn of the century to the 1950s. • Until 31 Aug, Tues 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

by donating original work to the 2009 Quentin Follies Art Auction. This exhibition/auction offers the chance to purchase original works of art, with all proceeds going to the Quentin Bell Commemoration Fund. • Until 11 July, Wed–Sun 12.30–6pm

Boxbird St. John’s Road, Hove 01273 734295 Zara Wood: Small Wonders Solo exhibition by this character-driven illustrator. •Until 12 July

Ink_d Gallery

Charleston Farmhouse

De La Warr Pavilion

96 North Road 01273 645299 Lidia De Pedro: The Best Man & Company Originals, limited editions, hand-finished screen prints, box sets and perspex work for this Spanish artist’s first solo show.

Firle, Lewes 01323 811626 The Quentin Follies Art Auction Exhibition Some of Britain’s best artists, including Sir Peter Blake and Maggi Hambling, have supported Charleston farmhouse

Bexhill-on-Sea 01424 229111 Beuys Is Here: Sculpture Object Action Revolution Exhibtion of sculpture by Joseph Beuys. • Until 27 September, Mon–Fri 10am–5pm


021_LS431_events/space

7/2/09

11:30 AM

Page 1

KIDS & EVENTS | SPACE 21

Events highlights

MTV generation Andy Morton talks to Heather Jones about working on big names in TV entertainment Like previous Space guest, NME editor Conor McNicholas, Heather Jones landed a prominent creative role in a long-established media brand. MTV is synonymous with modern youth-oriented entertainment. Furthermore, if one factors in its Paramount Comedy and Nickelodeon brands there are few areas of the TV entertainment market that the former ‘Music Television’ doesn’t have a stake in. Heather Jones – ‘Executive Vice President UK and Ireland, Content and Creative, Music and Comedy’ (her impressively expansive job title) talks about life working in TV entertainment.

INTERVIEW

Brighton Carnival This Sunday, Brighton Carnival rolls into town. Watch out for eclectic costumes, vibrant colours and great music. 28 different groups including steelpan drummers, samba bands, young volunteers, refugees, asylum seekers and even a hen party will be parading from Middle Street to the Carnival Village on Madeira Drive. Here they will be met by a sound system from Roots Garden, stalls and carnival activities including face-painting and mask-making. There will also be tasty Caribbean food and a barbecue. After the carnival wraps-up, the fun continues at the Official Carnival After Party, taking place at the Concorde 2, where revellers can enjoy rum, Brazilian beats and a mardi gras atmosphere. Brighton Carnival is a low carbon event, with the parade’s vehicles fuelled by plant oil, electric, solar and pedal-power. So there is no excuse to not get into the carnival spirit! Brighton Carnival, Middle Street to Madeira Drive, Sunday 12 July,

2pm–7pm, free. (Official Carnival After Party at Concorde 2 begins at 7pm).

Garden Weekend The Elizabethan Parham house and gardens is hosting its annual garden weekend. Now in its 16th year, the twoday horticultural extravaganza features stalls from gardening businesses, flower displays and experts on location to give advice and assistance. Those who visit on Saturday will have the opportunity to meet gardening broadcaster and Telegraph writer Helen Yemm and Royal Horticultural Society chairman Jim Buttress, who will be judging stalls and answering visitors’ questions. There will be guided tours around the four-acre Walled Garden from expert gardener Peter Chase. Parham’s 16th Annual Garden Weekend, Parham Gardens near Petworth, West Sussex, Sat 11 and Sun 12 July, 10am–5pm both days, £8 for adults, £7 for senior citizens, £3.50 for children, family ticket (2 adults and up to 4 children) £22.

Events listings Friday 10

Saturday 11

Sunday 12

Fish and Chips with a difference Enjoy a Friday night fish and chips and dessert in style aboard a steam-hauled train at the Bluebell Railway. Fish and Chips Night, Bluebell Railway, Return train from Sheffield Park to Kingscote leaves at 6.30pm, £21.50 per person (includes train and food). Advance booking essential. www.bluebell-shop.co.uk

Potty Digressions Ceramist Penny Green takes a class, teaching you how to make your own pots with additional quirky features. Potty Digressions, Hove Museum, 10.30am-3.30pm, £30.

Jazz in the Galleries Browse the museum and listen to laid back jazz from the Great American Songbook and jazz greats. The perfect accompaniment to the current American Scene exhibition. Jazz in the Galleries, Brighton Museum, 2.20pm & 3.30pm (drop in), Free.

What does an ‘Executive Vice President…’ do, exactly? I head up ten music channels – the VH1, TMF and MTV branded channels – and four Comedy Central channels across the UK and Ireland, and also Australia and New Zealand; the managing directors report to me. I also have a remit to do all programme buying: that’s pan-territory, for the whole of the world. At any one time there are always one or two key titles or franchises that we’re focusing on – I tend to focus on the long-term planning. So how hands on are you? Do you choose the shows, the artists? I drive a lot of that stuff. I’ve just come back from LA where all the big broadcasters meet once a year to bid for the shows that will launch in September. All the big shows – Lost, Desperate Housewives, 24... I’m hands on in the sense that I lead editorial decisions on the ‘big stories’, the big new shows. Did you come into the industry as a fan of music or was it purely a career decision? I love music: I’m more into jazz and I teach piano, but I’m not any kind of expert on pop music. There are a lot of people who come and work for MTV because they’re obsessed with a certain genre. They’re the experts who know what people are into. In a nutshell what would you say is the secret to MTV’s longevity? I feel saying we’re a bit like Madonna, I’m trying to think of a better analogy. MTV has been very clever at adapting itself and making sure it’s talking to its target audience of the day. We now shoot in HD because one of the things about music is that it really ties with the HD format. Watching something like Big Brother in HD is neither here nor there but watching a live music concert shot in HD just looks sensational. Heather Jones joins Nick Gatfield of EMI at the next SPACE event (Southern Performance and Creative Energies) at Latest Music Bar, Manchester Street, Brighton, Tuesday 7 July, 7.30pm, £6/4. www.thespace.me.uk


022_LS431 Music_News

7/2/09

11:09 AM

Page 2

22 MUSIC NEWS

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

Country blues The Down Home Festival debuts this weekend, Jeff Hemmings reports hile some of the larger festivals groan under the double whammy of saturation and the credit crunch, there continues to be a flourishing of smaller, more manageable affairs that aren’t gonna cost the promoter his shirt nor his dignity! Down Home (The Down Home Blues and Country Festival to give its full name) is one of these affairs, nestled in the Sussex countryside and catering for 500 punters. “It was something I wanted to do for a long time and I didn’t feel that anyone had combined country and blues on the more alternative end. So, I thought it was a nice idea to do a niche festival with a little more variety, rather than just one type of music,“ says organiser Mike Powell. Brighton seems to be a particular musical hotspot for all things Americana. “There’s something in the water down here, bands like Mountain Firework Company, The Drookit Dogs, Sweet Sweet Lies, Barker band, Urban Voodoo Machine, Hey Negrita and Mudlow are just a few who are playing the festival and are based in Brighton.”

W news

Grasscut

Submit your tracks Rising Styles, the UK’s largest celebration of hip-hop culture, is looking for submissions for the Rising Styles 2009 album. The album will showcase some new and exclusive hip-hop tracks from artists around the UK. Submissions must be made no later than Friday 10 July. For more details visit www.risingstyles.com/2009 album. The Rising Styles festival will take place between Thursday 1 to Sunday 4 October later this year.

Live showcase Striding forward into its sixth year, Brighton Live (Wednesday 30 September to Saturday 3 October) is a showcase of some of the best local talent in a number of venues around the city, and it’s all free! They’ve already announced a number of headliners for this year’s event incluidng new Ninja Tune signings Grasscut, The Half Sisters, the UK DMC Champion JFB, Hereldeduke, Restlesslist and PRJCTMHYM. As well as bands Brighton Live is where promoters, labels and industry professionals assemble for seminars, workshops and watching new bands. www.brightonlive.net

Urban Voodoo Machine

the

Big gig James Morrison Tuesday 8 December, Brighton Centre

Hey Negrita

Based at an actual working farm in the little hamlet of Coombes (near Lancing College), one of the stages will be in a barn and the festival will be host to the Leftfield Stage, a stalwart of the Glastonbury Festival for many years. “It started as a drunken dare in a pub after meaning to do it for the last three years so I booked the farm and the whole thing has unravelled organically. I’ve worked at the same farm at the annual Glastonwick Festival so it was already licensed and so I could concentrate on other things like booking the bands. “I’ll be running around, using the quad bike and keeping fit over the three days, but the focus of the site is small and both stages are covered, so the mud won’t be much of an issue!” Like all good festivals though there’s more than just music… “They’ll be family friendly camping facilities, there’s storytellers, face painters and tractor rides – the owners of the farm will be taking rides up on The Downs which will be a lot of fun!” Down Home Festival, 10–12 July. Full weekend (with camping) and day tickets are available. Free for children under 12. www.downhomefestival.co.uk

UPCOMING GIGS Nitin Sawnhey 18 July, Concorde 2 Hadouken! 1 Aug, Concorde 2 Easy Star All Stars 5 Aug, Concorde 2 Wedding Present 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Bill Callahan 18 Aug, St. Georges Church Wedding Present 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Sister Sledge 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Beachdown 28–31 August Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Talvin Singh 23 Sept, Concorde 2 Kelly Joe Phelps 29 Sept, Komedia Brighton Live 30 Sept–3 Oct Hockey 1 October, Digital Bats For Lashes 2 Oct, Dome Joan Baez 5 Oct, Dome Zero 7 6 Oct, Dome

Wilko Johnson 8 October, Old Market Skindred 19 Oct, Concorde 2 Orquesta Buena Social Club 20 Oct, Dome Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre Indigo Girls 26 October, Concorde 2 Dizzee Rascal 27 Oct, Dome Jimmy Webb 1 Nov, Dome Reverend & The Makers 2 Nov, Concorde 2 Seth Lakeman 6 Nov, Corn Exchange Dreadzone 20 Nov, Komedia Ryuichi Sakamoto 27 Nov, Dome UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Alice Cooper 5 Dec, Brighton Centre James Morrison 8 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre Lily Allen 13 Dec, Brighton Centre


023_LS431 musiclist/musichi

7/2/09

4:38 PM

Page 1

MUSIC 23

Music listings

Music highlights

Tuesday 7 to Monday 13 July

Tuesday 7 to Monday 13 July

Tuesday 7 By Definition + DKH + Hawka Hurricane + Crypsis Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Dirty Leaves + Dirty Wonderland Brightonbased rock outfit firing some riffs at ya. Prince Albert, 8pm, free. Slip Jam: B The infamous hip-hop open mic/decks jam session. The Hope, 8pm–11.30pm, free. Why? + Munch Munch Audio, 7pm–10pm, £10.50.

Wednesday 8 Bellrays Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc. Club NME with The Foxes + Son Of Robot Jaunty rock’n’roll with melodies you’ll be humming for days. Brighton Coalition, 10pm. From Plan To Progress + The Arteries + All Idols Fall + The Fallthrough Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. The Lanes + Black Soul Strangers + New Street Adventures Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Thursday 9 Bobby Long + Support Talented singersongwriter. Jam, 8pm, £5. Chk Chk Chk + Transformer + De Tropix Lyrics worthy of a thesis and music so infectiously funky it will cram floors for years to come! Brighton Coalition, 9pm–1am, £12. Elliot Minor + Mission District Classical,punk rock and pop-punk. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £11. It’s Alive Presents… Jacobs Stories + Animal Magic + 21 Crows + Clare King Hectors House, 8.30pm, free. Leisure Sports Discotheque with Kinema + AK/DK + John John Slave The Hope, 8.30pm–2am, £3. Paul Edmond's Quartet Expressive original jazz compositions. Grand Central, 8.30pm, free. Plague of Ashitaka + Citadel + When Memories Fade + Excessum Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. The Hoochie Coochie Lounge with The Tin Cup Collective Infectious grooves, hard funk and rock. Hanbury Club, 7pm–2am, £10/8.

Friday 10 Catfish Kings A night of pounding piano, grinding guitar and voodoo beats straight out of ’Noo Awlins.’ Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £6/5. Dutch Swing College Band A multi-prize winning, globally recognised jazz band. De La Warr Pavilion, 7pm, £12–14. End Of Level Badie + The Lucans + Welfare Mothers Indie/alt-punk noise, indie-pop and a touch of indie-rock class. Prince Albert, 8pm. Freakpower + Harriet Snooks + The Die Vibes + The Slytones Concorde 2, 7pm, £10/5 BIMM students. Slim Shack Blues Band Grand Central, 8pm, free. The Matthew Herbert Big Band Opener to

Sanctuary Cafe, Hove Thurs JULY 30th

SPEED DATING

Brighton’s innovative annual festival of music,art and visual cluture. Dome, 7pm, £18.50. The Subliminals + Jog On + Tapehead Loud, aggressive, punch you in the face punk rock. The Providence, 8pm, free. We Got Soul & Blues presents Itchy Fingers An eclectic mix of rock ‘n’ roll, pop, rock and country. Latest Music Bar, 10pm, £6/5.

Saturday 11 Loop Live Squarepusher + Fever Ray + The Invisible + Telepathe + We Have Band + Casiokids + Datarock and many more... Various Venues, 12pm–10pm, £26.50. Mad Mods and Englishmen Prince Albert, 8pm, free. RocksKool Showcase of 20+ bands. Latest Music Bar, 12pm–5pm, £3. Stay Sick with Shamblin’ Sexton + D-66 Music for bad people! Hectors House, 8.30pm. Sweet Hove Chicago Foot tapping, hip shaking, get-up-and-dance Blues. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5. The Ben Poole Band Dynamic, Hendrixflavoured blues rock. Latest Music Bar, 9pm, £5/3. The Thin White Duke Five-piece Tribute band made by Bowie fans, for Bowie fans! Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £5. Tom and Olly + The Repercussion + The Draft Copy The Providence, 8pm, free.

Sunday 12 An Albertross Progressive stew of psychedelic rock. Freebutt, 7.30pm, free. Brighton & Hove Big Band Classic 1930s and 40s swing numbers through to jazz and funk. Komedia, 7.30pm, £15-2.50. Brighton Carnival Official After Party Blaring Samba Reggae with a twist of Afro Beat. Concorde 2, 7pm–1am, £5. Brighton Carnival with Kalakuta Millionaires + Samsara + Justice Force 5 16-piece Afro-Funk-Latino outfit; foot-stomping Samsara and the spandex sporting superhero rock band! Concorde 2, 2pm–6pm, free. Invisible Plane Country pop rock to melodic bossa, with luscious vocal harmonies and swooping guitar riffs. Komedia, 8pm, SOLD OUT. Loop Live Tunng + Mum + Esser + Emiliana Torrini + Fujiya & Miyagi + Fanfarlo + Hatcham Social + Portico Quartet and many more... Various Venues, 12pm–7pm, £18.50. The Impellers + Yokoko Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/4. You Animals Engine Rooms, 7pm, £tbc.

Monday 13 Breakthrough with Rough Trade Brighton’s best breaking acts. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4 NUS. Jaime Pettit

To advertise here costs only £20

(ages 30-45)

Call Rachel now!

To book tel:

01273 818150

07876 453210

Fujiya & Miyagi at Loop Festival

ext 105

Why? Pop-inflected psychedelic folk-hop from one of the greatest acts of the 21st century. While their name implies a constant search for meaning within the tiniest fragments of information their music is far from dour meditations on life and the universe. Originally set up by Yoni as a one-man band project, Why? has morphed into a huge creative force that keeps on producing records of outstanding quality and creativity. Live they ain’t bad too… Tuesday 7 July, Audio

Emiliana Torrini

The Bellrays Led by the towering presence of Afro-beheaded and Shaft extra Lisa Kekaula, this American four-piece pack a huge and dynamic punch live. Soul rock and punk fuse with passion, a bit like a rockier Tina Turner. Wednesday 8 July, Engine Room Freakpower Back in the 90s this lot had a big hit with ‘Turn On, Tune In, Cop Out.’ Norman Cook went on to be Fatboy Slim and forego live music pretty much since. Ashley Slater meanwhile has been scrabbling around on the fringes, working his trombone and his music in all sorts of settings, including the very occasional Freakpower foray. His star certainly seems to be in the ascendancy (he made a recent appearances on the new Dub Pistols album) but whatever Freakpower format this will be in unclear at moment! Also on the bill are three BIMM acts; Harriet Snooks, The Die Vibes and The Slytones. Friday 10 July, Concorde 2 Fujiya & Miyagi at Loop Festival Don’t be decieved by the name. Fugiya & Miyagi are not two Japanese musicians, but a Brightonbased four piece electronic band. Their hometown set is likely to be one of the

Roast

highlights of Loop Festival’s closing Sunday evening. They’re on at the Corn Exchange from 5pm. The festival runs all weekend across Victoria Gardens, the Corn Exchange and the Pavilion Theatre. Other acts performing include the multi-talented Squarepusher, electronic folksters Tunng, the Mercury nomitated Portico Quartet and Icelandic/Italian songstress Emiliana Torrini. Saturday 12–Sunday 13 July, Corn Exchange, Pavilion Theatre & Victoria Gardens The Impellers Starting life as Ed Meme & The Forms, a name change to something far easier to pronounce came about when offered a deal by prolific UK label Freestyle Records in 2008. The Impellers are bringing a heavy, authentic funk sound both live and in the studio, and they have their debut album out later in the month. In the meantime savour their vintage funk stylings with a full band. Sunday 12 July, Latest Music Bar

&

Jazz

Every Sunday from 12.30 £10 including lunch

01273 687171 14–17 manchester street


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24 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases onky pop is a sometimes welcome genre, reflecting the essentially quirky and offbeat nature of much of today’s indie. Dan Black is a case in point; an eclectic and sonic bag of allsorts; indie, folk, electro, dance, hip-hop and more. Album Un is where MGMT meets Noah & The Whale via Hot Chip. You can tell this is the project of one man and his studio, the cut ’n’ paste aesthetic stands out a mile and for that reason it will probably end up as another interesting and clever also-ran – the album also fades badly after a good first half. With a proper band Dan Black may go further. Led by Scott McCaughey, Minus 5 are an underground supergroup of sorts, featuring members of M Ward, Richmond Fontaine, Mendoza Line, and The Decemberists, as well as REM’s Peter Buck. Killingsworth is an outstanding work with all songs written by McCaughey. This ain’t pofaced purist nonsense, just an exercise in how to craft a seamless work that doesn’t take itself too seriously and yet remains on the right side of irreverent. McCaughey’s George Harrisonesque voice only adds to the quality. The Canadian Native Indian Buffy Sainte-Marie is back with her first new album in 17 years (and only her second in the last 33 years!), Running For The Drum, and it’s a reminder of what a talented songwriter she is. Having made most of her music between the early 60s and mid-70s she has largely immersed herself in the arts and education, but this has only added to the elegant richness on offer here; her distinct, raw jazzy-folk style is interspersed with some very energetic workouts. Vocally reminiscent of Marianne Faithful, Sainte-Marie’s forceful politics are still in place; a lifelong campaigner for Aboriginal rights and the anti-war movement she was actually blacklisted during most of the 60s. It’s a pleasure to hear her music again. Brighton’s The Dials are a glorious technicolour explosion of country-rock, psychedelia and English pop. Their new single ‘Watch Her Walk Away’ is a Farfisa-led 60s psychedelic beat groove circa 1967 and is taken from their second album Companions of The Rosy Hours. Championed by the likes of Mark Lamarr and Bob Harris, The Dials will be performing at the Down Home Festival this weekend. Meanwhile ex-Pipette Rose Elinor Dougall (granddaughter of 60s/70s BBC newsreader Robert Dougall, fact fans) releases new single ‘Start/Stop/Synchr,’ an infectious slice of 60s meets the 80s influenced pop but with a slightly dark twist courtesy of Brighton producer Lee Baker. Sparse, beautifully sung and a world away from the novelty of her previous band.

W

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Portslade – Waking Up ★ 2 The Mojo Fins – In The Script 3 900 Spaces – Shake It Up 4 N-D-E – Bad Habit (digital media remaster ) 5 Jaybee – My Imaginary Friend 6 Nig2dmic – Now’s The Time (World Cup song 2010) 7 The Adam Kidd Band – Into The Night 8 Chaos Borne – Watching 9 900 Spaces – Discotechnology 10 Jaybee – Crazy Pearl It would seem the masses love the smell of dirty lounge in the morning as Portslade’s down-tempo vibes have got the top spot sussed. The Mojo Fins jump right back to business with a re-entry at two. New wave party band 900 spaces just pip N-D-E, whose dancefloor D’n’B mash-up rolls them back into the charts at four, while Jaybee and his ’Imaginary Friend’ perch at five. 11 Tubba 3 Ply Gerhard 12 Jaybee Miles To Go 13 Mr resonate Brighton Bubblin feat. Lionheart 14 Chaos Borne I Will 15 Nig2dmic Waiting Not Waisted 16 Surfhunter Bessie 17 Jaybee Amen 18 DJ Messa / Matt Perry Ft Kirsty Sillars Somero 19 Portslade Girls and Boys 20 Chaos Borne The Moment

21 Jaybee Identity 22 Loc E Chemical Romance 23 12 Stone Toddler Batten Down The Hatches (Extended Version) 24 Heavyman Roses 25 Vortex Generator Regenerate 26 Swarf Parlour Tricks 27 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right 28 Ree No Time To Waste 29 Breakinbear Breeze 30 tenek If I Should Fall – EP version

Submit your music and videos www.thelatest/7/music-chart

SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos


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BARS & CLUBS 25

Bar & Club listings

Bar & Club highlights

Tuesday 7 to Monday 13 July

Tuesday 7 to Monday 13 July

Tuesday 7 Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2. Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free. Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS. Funky Buddha Lounge Subsplash. All star dub tracks and dub on the rising.10.30pm, £3/free. New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2. Pavilion Tavern Gorilla Rocks. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1.

Wednesday 8 Audio Midweek beats and basslines. 11pm–2.30am, £5/2. Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live bands and DJs. 10.30pm–3.30am, free. Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’B, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, £2/free. Volks Dub Tek. Filthy midweek basslines. 10pm–4am, £3/free.

Thursday 9 Audio Shameless presents Quids In. 11pm, £1. Funky Buddha Lounge Love Lockdown. 7.30pm, £tbc. Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1. New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2. Om Bar and Club Thank Funk It’s Thursday. Funk, dub, reggae and dub-step. 8.30pm, free. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2.

Friday 10 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s dance floor classics. 11pm–3am, £3. Audio Square Roots. 11pm–4am, £5. Brighton Coalition Felix Da Housecat. 11pm–4am, £12. Concorde 2 Supercharged 10th Birthday. 11pm, £12.50. Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll, DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £4. Engine Rooms Deviant. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Funky Buddha Lounge The Spreadlove Project. London's original house and garage bash. 11pm, £6/3. Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50. Hectors House Mod For It. 60s mod extravaganza, motown, soul, northern soul ska 60s beat and new wave. 9pm, free. Honey Club Connected with Jesse James. Original house bangers.11pm–4am, £tbc. Jam Laugh Out Loud. An eclectic mix of electronica beats. 10pm-3am, free. New Hero Somewhere in the Universe… Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5/3. Ocean Rooms Strobe. Pound drinks when the strobe strikes. 10.30pm, £2. Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams. Rock’n’Roll. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3

Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night. 10pm–3am, £5/4. The Hope The Stash Presents 45RPM. Live Rhythm and Blues set from The Shoestrung plus guest DJs. 9pm–2am, £3/free. Volks Mad Crush. Future dancefloor techno with Kiss FM legend, Colin Dale.11pm–6am, £7.

Saturday 11 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10.30pm–4am, £5. Audio Summer of Love. 11pm–4am, free. Brighton Coalition Floorplay. The boys are back.10.30pm–4am, £10/8. Concorde 2 Loop Late. Local Brighton bunch The Qemists throw down some monster rockinfluenced D’n’B. 11pm, £10. Digital Loop Late. 11pm–4am, £tbc. Engine Rooms Punk Rock Karaoke. 10pm–3am, £2. Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. With Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10. Followed By: Marlon M Presents. 3am, £5/3. Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50. Hanbury Club We Luv Pop! We Luv Wacko Jacko. Don your moonwalk shoes and spangled gloves to honour the revered King of Pop. 7pm–2am, £8/6. Hectors House Stay Sick. Garage/punk night with live bands. 8pm, £5. Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS. Jam EBoogie. E-lectronic Pop. 9pm–2am, free. La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11. Ocean Rooms Loop After Party. Big free bash to celebrate Loop festivities! 11pm–4am, free. Pavilion Tavern Saturday Night with Gazz & Matt. Bouncy pop, sing-a-long classics, rock anthems, 80s hits and dance.10pm, £3/free. Po Na Na Silk. R’n’B, funky house, commercial. 10pm–3am, £10/5. Tru Girl’s Night Out. 9pm, £8.50/free.

with Jaime Pettit Gorilla Rocks – Animal Themed Party! These boys know how to throw down a real mucking fental soundtrack of good ole bouncy pop-punk, metal, indie, rock and a bit of Prodigy if Matt’s feeling a thrashing big rave! This week the Pav Tav will be rammed with 300 creatures of darkness from ligers, bears and drumming gorillas, a-ha! Plus with drink promos cheaper than your H&M plimsoles you’ll be wading up to your ankles in beer and dancing like an electrofied muppet in no time. Don’t forget to say ’Happy Birthday’ to their resident photographer too! Tuesday 7 July, Pavillion Tavern Felix Da Housecat After ripping up the electro rulebook in 2001 with Kittenz & The Glitz, Felix is back with his tenth album being released in August, a massive electro-stereo journey through future synth-pop classics, the odd 80s tribute and

monster club smashes! Don your fab rags and come celebrate because he’s here with a stronger mindset and a box o’ tracks stacked with electro attitude, hold up your paws for Felix Da Housecat! Friday 10 July, Brighton Coalition Loop Late (Concorde 2) Part of Loop festival whose aim is to push the bounderies of new music and new ideas. With live performances across two days it doesn’t stop at the day gigs. After dark it takes a beat heavy twist at both Concorde and Digital. Brighton bunch, The Qemists will be throwing down some monster rock-influenced D’n’B with Zomby reanimating some Dub. Saturday 11 July, Concorde 2 Brighton Carnival Official After Party Cooking-up a sizzling line-up of renowned local bands as a perfect end to a sunny celebratory day! Blaring samba reggae with a twist of Afro beat plus a juggernaut of funk, ska and hip-hop from Barulho, The Manjinga 7 and King Porter Stomp! More Mardi Gras vibes than you can shake a feather boa at! Unmissable! Sunday 12 July, Concorde 2

Felix Da Housecat, Friday 10 July, Brighton Coalition

Sunday 12 Irie at Arc Bar A shake up of ragga. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Concorde 2 Brighton Carnival Official After Party. 7pm–1am, £5. Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1. The Open House We Change the Frequency Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free.

Monday 13 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free. Honey Club Disco Babe.10.30pm–2.30am,£3/1. Jam Sessions. D’n’B, dub step, electro and House. 10pm–2am, £tbc. Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys.10pm–2.30am,£3/1 Jaime Pettit

The Laughing Onion Jean-Jacques Jordane “Sings Paris” for small parties

8 to 24 people 3 courses £17.95 01273 696555


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26 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Take two

Steve Bustin

The much-loved Pride fundraising comedy show will return this month. Nicky Mitchell, Jaq Bayles, Stephen Richards (better known as Lola Lasagna), and Suzi Ruffell will be part of the line-up for the sixth Bright‘n‘Queer show, as well as organiser and compere Steve Bustin. The charity gig will take place at Latest Music Bar, Manchester Street, Brighton on Thursday 30 July, during the nine-day long Pride festival. There will be two performances, one at 7.30pm and then 10pm. Admission is £6 with all profits going to help stage the Pride festival and towards the community grants given out by the Pride charity.

Over the past three years, Bright‘n‘Queer has raised almost £2,500 and in 2008 was the seventh largest fundraiser for Pride. Steve said doing two shows in one night means they can raise even more money. “It’s fantastic that the comics are willing to perform twice to raise even more funds, especially as they all waive their fees for the night, meaning we can put the vast majority of the ticket money towards Pride. “It’s also the only way we can meet demand for tickets, as there’s never been an unsold ticket for Bright‘n‘Queer! This show is going to be a stormer and it’s a great way to kick off your Pride weekend with a fantastic night of some of the best LGBT comics around!“ Box office 01273 687171 www.brightnqueer.co.uk

Latest Gay looks forward to Summer Pride It is a credit crunch year – so what better way to celebrate summer than Europe’s biggest free Pride festival? Brighton and Hove Pride runs from 25 July to 2 August and the programme is out now in shops and venues and at www.brightonpride.org. The 2009 theme is Pride Beside the Seaside and among the hundreds of people on the floats will be pirates and sailors. Pride spokeswoman Judith Manson explained: “It is about coming back to Brighton and Hove and shouting about why Brighton and Hove is so special. Out of the three big Pride events in the UK, we are the only one that can have that theme.” For the first time there will be a big screen in the park showing clips of the parade. This will be in the new community area, near the members’ area, where dance groups and parade entries will perform. A five-a-side football tournament will kick off nine days of events. There will be an official Pride campsite at Waterhall, with much better facilities and closer to Preston Park than the previous camp at East Brighton Park. Campers are not able to book, but should turn up from Thursday afternoon.

“We are shouting about why Brighton and Hove is so special” Suzi Ruffell

Volunteers needed to help out at Pride The team behind the festival is looking for bucket collectors, wheel stewards, events assistants and parade health and safety checkers. As well as these roles Pride also needs volunteers who are able to commit on a longer-term basis. This includes volunteer coordinators and events runners. Young volunteers aged 16 to 25 are needed for a one-off project between May and September. Pride relies hugely on the support of volunteers and recognises that they are an enormous resource in helping the organisation meet its aims and put on a safe and enjoyable event in August. No experience is necessary for

Doing us proud

the roles as full training will be given. This is a great chance to meet new people, gain some experience and see Pride from a different angle. It is estimated that Pride will need between 150 and 200 volunteers, although most of these will be on Saturday 1 August at Preston Park and during the carnival parade. Pride really needs your help now. If you are interested in volunteering with Pride you can fill in an application form on the Pride website www.brightonpride.org or email the Pride office at office@brightonpride.org or call 01273 775939 for information or for a paper copy of the application form.

There will be official Pride merchandise for the first time, with T-shirts and caps on sale at Waterhall and around the park. Judith urged people not to buy from illegal traders: “They don’t give anything for Pride, they actually take away from Pride because if you buy from them that is money that doesn’t go behind one of the bars. The bars pay a lot of money to be at Pride.” There will be three levels of toilets; bog standard cubicles, two lots of “pound-to-pee” loos at the north end between Wild Fruit and the Women’s Performance tent, and at the south end near Calabash. The third and most luxurious set of toilets will be in the members area. It costs just £15 to join Pride or £7.50 concessions, but membership is closing this week – sign up online. Judith also encouraged people to support the charity collectors. “Please put money in the buckets out and about during the week. It is very important to us that we keep Pride free, but it is not free to put on.” Pride has previously come under fire from some quarters for being an inclusive event, attended by people from all walks of life, of all ages and of all sexualities. Judith said: “It is a celebration of LGBT lives. Some people think the gay has gone out of Pride – we do get criticised every year. The more straight people and families that go, the better really, because we are celebrating LGBT lives and breaking down any prejudice and homophobia that is still out there.” The night before the festival, there will be a garden party at Montpelier Hall. Admission is £10 and the night kicks off at 7pm.


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GAY LISTINGS 27

Gay listings Tuesday 7 July to Monday 13 July Tuesday 7 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase away the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. A double dose of cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free Ghetto Quiz Alicious and Twisted Karaoke. Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound As A Pound. A mid-week mash-up throwing out 80s, 90s, 00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. 10.30pm, £1 The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free

Wednesday 8 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm.11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes. 8pm, £3 Queen’s Arms Pride’s Got Talent – Heat 4. Pitting Brighton’s most talented players against each other. 12pm–1am, free R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Li’l Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free Revenge London to Brighton. Bringing the upfront house sounds of London Taaan to Brighton with MOS and Housexy resident, Jake Duval. 10.30pm–3am, £4/2 The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free

Thursday 9 Charles Street Bar & Club Mad Cow XXL – My Cow is on Fire. DJs Li’l Alex and LeeRoy spinning funky house across two floors 8pm–3am, £1 Ghetto HDSM. Hard, dirty sexy music. 10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls On Top. Deck Heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out trashy chart hits and pop remixes.10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30pm with passes, £4/5 after The Basement DLite. Commercial house tracks. 11pm–4am, free

on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop Vs Altitude.Top pop tunes from Stewart T plus upstairs find funky vocal house with DJ Alex Baker and guests 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Thank Funk It’s Friday. Funk, disco and retro classics. 12pm. The Zone Friday Night Camp Karaoke with Tony. 8.30pm, free

Saturday 11 Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. A blend of Go-Go boys, feathered girls, HRH Queen Josephine and Li’l Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo At The Marly. HRH Queen Josephine joins the Marlborough for a little funky house fabulousness. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Lorna & Friends + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnight! Bar open 12pm, free R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Divas + Bikini Party Booty Call. Live music with the fabulous Em from 6pm. Then DJ Aquarius spins some body shakin’ summer rollers. 12pm, free. The Zone Presents... Kitty Monroe. The international drag artist. 9.30pm, free

Sunday 12 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Charles Street Bar Showtime. Hold onto your husbands girls and lock away your grandads, as the money hungry lady is in town! It’s Kandi Kane! 7.15pm, free Ghetto EuroTrash. Anything goes at this crazy art-pop-cabaret shenanigan! 10pm, free. Legends Sunday Cabaret with Boy George Experience. 3.15pm, free Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Lola Lasagne + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free Revenge Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a spanish twist. 10.30pm–4am, £tbc. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes. 11pm–4am, free

Monday 13 Friday 10 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Doctor Brightons Flauncy Friday. Ms Masters gets her paws on the decks to spin some filthy funky dance and house. 9.30pm–2am, free Ghetto Popstarz. Indie. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girl’s Night. 2 floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes with DJ. Plus unlimited drinks wristbands for £20! 9pm R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls

Amsterdam Funky Mondays. 12pm, free Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint + Karaoke. 12pm–1am R-Bar Miss Jason’s Madhouse. Regular cabaret, a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free The Basement Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free

Coming soon Latest 7 art feature Helping local artists… Advertise your art to over 100,000 people in the local area. Free editorial with every booking | Prices from £80 To find out more please contact Rachel on 01273 818150 Ext 105


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28 DANI | FILMS ON TV

latestTV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE Dani on TV

7 – 13 JULY

She says it how she sees it

Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 7

Supersizers Eat... BBC2, Mondays 9pm love this series, and I loved the previous one – try and catch it if you can. For those of you who haven’t come across this and developed a crush on Giles Coren yet, here’s what it’s all about. Writer and comedian Sue Perkins and restaurant critic Giles Coren eat their way through different periods of time, sampling not only the food but the outfits, hobbies and interests of the era in question. While this might not sound like your ideal Monday night viewing, bear in mind that many of the past ages had no water sanitation, leaving the population with nothing to drink but ale. You will soon discover that there’s nothing funnier than a drunk Sue Perkins. Her discomfort at having to wear every form of ornate costume, none of which includes jeans or trainers, makes for amusing viewing along with Giles’s constant hope to meet a girl and his brave attempts to try everything on the dinner table regardless of how disgusting it looks, smells or tastes. I would not recommend, however, that you watch this while eating yourself, as the chances are, you will be put off by what appears on your TV screen. Being a vegetarian, I don’t necessarily enjoy watching a piglet’s rear end being sewn onto the head of a bird but it just can’t be helped. This is not in any way a cookery programme, so don’t expect to pick up some ancient recipes as I doubt anyone would actually want to eat them anyway. The strange thing is that Sue Perkins normally doesn’t eat meat – how she manages to go from vegetarian to nibbling on a sow’s udder I’ll never know but I take my hat off to her – she has balls, both figuratively speaking and on the plate in front of her. All of us have ancestors who would have eaten similar meals to these, and if anything the show makes you feel grateful to be in 2009 – although at the same time it really underlines just how much we waste and rely on the freezer. Perhaps there is more to this funny and bizarrely interesting programme than meets the eye. If you have a sense of humour, an interest in food or our history, then you may just enjoy this. Catch it while you can as this is apparently the last series they will be doing. Shame really, as Giles Coren and Sue Perkins make a great TV team.

I

Girl With A Pearl Earring ★★★★✩ (2003, BBC2 ,9pm. Dir Peter Webber) A much acclaimed biopic of the artist Vermeer’s relationship with a girl who worked in his house and the painting that came of it. Starring Colin Firth and Scarlett Johannson, you can bet both of their indie creds went up because of this film.

WEDNESDAY 8

Panic Room ★★★★✩ (2002, Five, 9pm. Dir David Fincher) As claustrophobic as Kristen Stewart’s asthma attack as Jodie Foster’s daughter. The pair take refuge in their new house’s panic room when they find themselves under siege from a trio of would-be robbers, with the stash of the previous owner’s riches apparently in the panic room too. Costars Forest Whittaker and Jared Leto.

THURSDAY 9

The Untouchables ★★★★★ (1987, Film4, 9pm. Dir Bryan De Palma) Stunning story of prohibition, with one of the most Scottish ‘Irish cops’ ever seen by celluloid, presented by Mr Sean Connery. Heading up the band of government men looking to stop the gangsters and their illegal trade in booze is Kevin Costner as Eliot Ness. With Robert De Niro taking up position as chief bootlegger Al Capone, this is a sensational historical piece.

FRIDAY 10

The Enforcer ★★★✩✩ (1976, ITV1, 10.35pm. Dir James Fargo) Dirty Harry’s back in this gritty sequel, this time unhappily joined by new partner Kate Moore, played by Tyne Daly. You know the story – they don’t get on but grudgingly build up a steady respect for each other that could, who knows, turn into friendship. Oh, and they need to stop a truckload of weapons that have fallen into very much the wrong hands. Bit brutal.

SATURDAY 11

Mamma Mia! ★★★★✩ (2008, Sky Movies 1, 1pm. Dir Phyllida Lloyd) Dunno who your dad is and getting

Fame, 9pm, Monday 13, TCM

married? Simple! Just nick your mother’s diary of the time when you were conceived, invite the three likeliest candidates and watch everyone woo each other with glee to the songs of Abba! Probably not practical but great fun was obviously had by the cast, including Meryl Streep, Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgård and Julie Walters.

SUNDAY 12

Confetti ★★★✩✩ (2006, BBC2, 10pm. Dir Debbie Isitt) A mockumentary, part improvised, from some of Britain’s current comedy cream as three couples compete to win the coveted title of ‘Most Original Wedding of the Year’. Starring Martin Freeman, Jessica Hynes (was Stevenson), Stephen Mangan, Meredith MacNeill, Robert Webb and Olivia Colman (those last two both from Peep Show) the weddings get very stranger indeed. Combining British eccentricity with in-laws.

MONDAY 13 Fame ★★★★★

(1980, TCM, 9pm.Dir Alan Parker) With the remake on the horizon this autumn and more neon legwarmers in the shops than inhabited the whole of the 80s, it’s time to take a look at what inspired it all. The music, the dancing, the drama – and that was just in the cafeteria. What a talented lot of kids these are. But where are they now? Victoria Nangle


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7/2/09

11:56 AM

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tuesday 7 Ladette To Lady ITV1, 9pm It’s the final! Yup, that time has come around so fast and my, haven’t our lovely ladies grown and developed? There are three left but only one can win and remain in England, the land of fine manners and polo. Their final task is to attend an awards ceremony and present a speech in a grand house. Lawks!

CSI: Miami Five, 9pm Just how the blazes are the CSIs supposed to carry on without their fearless leader Horatio Caine? Who will give out their card to quaking ‘at risk’ children? Who will make vengeance seem reassuring when speaking to a grief-stricken widow? Who will defy sunburn with bright red hair? Maybe he’ll have to lurk longer.

Rob Brydon’s Identity Crisis BBC4, 9pm There are just too many good programmes on at 9pm on a Tuesday. This one, admittedly, is a repeat but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth checking out if you missed it the first time around. Comic Rob looks at his own and other Welsh performers’ relationships with their own Welshness. A lovely journey.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Arthur 3.50 Arthur 4.05 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 4.35 Clash 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 Castle In The Country 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 2.00 Axe The Agent? 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds Two television stars swap scrubs for Bargain Hunt fleeces. Rakie Ayola plays nurse Kyla Tyson in Holby City while Charles Dale plays porter Big Mac in Casualty. Keeping it in the BBC family. 7.00 On Thin Ice Presenter Ben Fogle, Olympian James Cracknell and Hollywood actor Jonny Lee Miller come together to run the London Marathon – part of their training for the race to the South Pole. 8.00 The Great British Foreign Holiday Mark Benton narrates a clip show looking at the Brits when they go abroad, somewhere he claims to be ‘far away - outlandish, exotic and scary.’ Frankly, we’re terrified of it. 9.00 FILM: Girl With A Pearl Earring (2003) Starring Scarlett Johansson, Colin Firth, Tom Wilkinson, Judy Parfitt, Cillian Murphy. Drama inspired by a portrait of a young woman painted by 17thcentury Dutch artist Johannes Vermeer. A young peasant girl, employed as a maid in the Vermeer household, charms the artist with her grace and beauty. Shucks. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Wire State Senator Clay Davis attempts to appease Stringer. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Deutsch Plus 9–16

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Chase

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.20 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.50 Big Brother 9.00 How Clean Is Your House? 9.35 Will And Grace 10.05 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Class: Today’s Nude 1.05 My Place In The Sun 1.35 FILM: Black Narcissus (1946) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy urges Carl to be honest with Lexi. ‘Cos that’s what their marriage is built on. Right. 8.00 Homes From Hell Programme documenting the housing horrors that some homeowners have had to deal with. Don’t have nightmares. Have a handy and trustworthy builder. 9.00 Ladette To Lady See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Hollywood Lives: Sex And Success Series looking at life in contemporary Hollywood. Celebrities share their experiences of the ‘casting couch’ and reveal the seedy side of showbusiness, where it can take more than acting talent to land a plum role. Porn legend Ron Jeremy gives tips on how to break into mainstream Hollywood, and Brit porn star Hannah Harper attempts Shakespeare as she tries to follow in his footsteps. To be naked or not to be naked, that is the question. 11.05 Supernatural Science-fiction drama series about two brothers. Dean receives a frantic call from Sam, who he finds covered in blood and with no recollection of what has happened to him. That’s never gonna be good with demons on your tail. 12.05am Red Bull Air Race 12.55 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.50 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Spencer is upset by Warren’s solicitor’s announcement about The Loft. They’re turning it upside down to be called The Basement? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Property Snakes And Ladders Sarah Beeny looks at how first-time developers might succeed as house prices fall. Neil Hornsey and Alison Gurr think their fortune lies in converting a lock-up located in a dodgy alley, while Sue Ward is renovating a former jail house that also comes with its own dungeon. Discerning clientele? 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 10.00 You Have Been Watching Comedy panel show looking back at the week’s TV, hosted by Charlie Brooker. 10.50 The Inbetweeners New series of the sitcom about four teenagers growing up in suburbia. It’s work experience week at school but a mix-up leaves Will at a garage. 11.25 Rude Tube 11.55 Betfair World Series Of Poker Europe 1.00am Big Brother: Live 3.55 Freesports On 4 4.20 Gillette World Sport 4.50 MSA Formula Ford Championship 5.15 FIA GT3 Championship 5.40 World Superbikes

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.00 FILM: Charms For The Easy Life (2002) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Nicole finds out about the sex tape. Prepare for all hell to break loose. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Hidden Ashes 05 Mark Nicholas takes a timely look back at England’s stunning 2005 triumph over Australia. The programme uses previously unseen footage and camera angles to recall England’s nail-biting win in the fourth Test. 8.00 Monster Moves Mammoth moving series. Former heart surgeon Jack Sternlieb entrusts his custombuilt yacht, the Star Sapphire, to a team of maritime movers. 9.00 CSI: Miami See highlights. 10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Two seemingly unrelated victims are killed by exposure to a radioactive compound, prompting a desperate search to isolate the source of radiation. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. Grissom brings in Sara Sidel from San Francisco to investigate a shooting. Wherever could this lead? 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 PGA Tour Golf 2.00 Golf – European Challenge Tour 2.25 UEFA Cup Classics 4.20 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Speedway 11.00 Poker: PCA High Rollers Event 12.00pm Golf: PGA Pro-Am Championship 1.00 Golf: Midland PGA Invitational 2009 2.00 Speedway 4.00 Poker: PCA High Rollers Event 5.00 Speedway 7.00 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 7.30 Football Asia 8.00 How England Won The 2005 Ashes 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 How England Won The 2005 Ashes 1.30am Time Of Our Lives 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 How England Won The 2005 Ashes 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Sailing: World Match Tour

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders A relieved Dawn escapes being discovered by Garry in the arms of Phil, but is thrown offbalance when Minty confronts her. 8.00 Holby City Michael battles to save his daughter – and his marriage. Jayne finally learns the full truth of her husband’s infidelity. Holby 1. Marriage 0. 9.00 Torchwood: Children Of Earth Science-fiction drama created by Russell T Davies. Torchwood are forced underground, as the government makes plans for the mysterious Floor 13. Plans that put it on top of the ominous Floor 12 and the flatulent Floor 11. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Rufus Wainwright, Prima Donna Alan Yentob explores the rapid rise of Rufus Wainwright. Wainwright talks candidly about his background, his family of musical luminaries 11.25 FILM: The Journey Of August King (1995) Starring Jason Patric, Thandie Newton, Larry Drake. Period drama set in North Carolina. 12.55am Weatherview 1.00 Sign Zone: James May On The Moon 2.00 James May At The Edge Of Space 2.30 Country Tracks 3.25 Heir Hunters 4.10 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE: Afterburn 8.00 Golf: PGA Pro-Am Championship 9.00 Bowls 10.00 Bowls 11.00 FEI Equestrian World 11.30 The Irish Golfer 12.00pm Bowls 1.00 Bowls 2.00 FEI Equestrian World 2.30 The Irish Golfer 3.00 Golf: PGA Pro-Am Championship 4.00 Golf: Midland PGA Invitational 2009 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Sailing: World Match Tour 6.30 Carp Academy 7.00 LIVE Winning Post 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 10.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge IV 2009 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 1.30 Sailing: World Match Tour 2.00 Poker

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Golf: Midland PGA Invitational 2009 10.00 Women’s Pool 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Ocean Adventures 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 Poker: PCA High Rollers Event 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Bowls 4.00 Bowls 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 World Cup Of Pool 8.00 Bowls (x2) 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Carp Academy 11.30 Sailing: World Match Tour 12.00am Modern Pentathlon 1.00 Bowls (x2) Victoria Nangle

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Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Lost 3.00 Bones 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 My Breasts Could Kill Me 10.00 House 11.00 Madonna Sticky And Sweet: Live From Buenos Aires 1.30am Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 Personal Affairs 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Torchwood: Children Of Earth 12.45am Make My Body Younger 1.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday 2.15 Bizarre ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky At Night 8.00 South Pacific 9.00 Rob Brydon’s Identity Crisis. See highlights. 10.00 The Chaser’s War On Everything 10.30 Flight Of The Conchords 11.00 The Martians And Us 12.00am Apollo Wives 1.00 Rob Brydon’s Identity Crisis 2.00 The Martians And Us

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Girls Aloud: The Hot Desk 8.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 9.00 FILM: Hulk (2002) 11.45 FILM: Wimbledon (2004) 1.50am The Office: An American Workplace (x2)

1.55pm Upstairs, Downstairs 2.55 Wycliffe 4.00 PD James: Devices And Desires 5.10 Rising Damp 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Carry On Laughing 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Wire In The Blood 11.00 Martina Cole’s Dangerous Lady 12.05am Reckless 1.10 Dempsey And Makepeace

3.05pm Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 11.55 Big Brother: Live 12.00am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Hunt For Britain’s Tightest Person 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Maximum Jail 11.55 Come Dine With Me 1.00am True Stories

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Britain’s Next Top Model (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 Four Weddings 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Ghost Hunters

G.O.L.D

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 Alaska’s Great Race 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 12.00am Most Evil

11.00am Quantum Leap (x5) 4.00pm FILM: Killer Flood (2003) 6.10 FILM: Odysseus And The Isle Of Mists (2007) 8.00 Knight Rider 9.00 Dollhouse 10.00 FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 12.00am FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium 4.00 Angel

2.05pm Abbott And Costello Meet The Killer, Boris Karloff (1949) 3.40 The Beautiful Blonde From Bashful Bend (1949) 5.10 The Out-ofTowners (1970) 6.50 Daddy Long Legs (1955) 9.00 Paint Your Wagon (1969) 11.45 Splendor In The Grass (1961) 2.00am The Movie Geek

9.00am Detroit Rock City (1999) 10.40 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 12.35pm Girlfight (2000) 2.30 The Serpent (2006) 4.35 Mumford (1999) 6.30 Detroit Rock City (1999) 8.05 Girlfight (2000) 10.00 Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 12.00am Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

11.00am Innocents In Paris (1953) 12.45pm South Of St Louis (1949) 2.30 Heaven Can Wait (1943) 4.40 The Triumph Of Love (2002) 6.50 Bogus (1996) 9.00 My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) 10.50 Chinatown (1974) 1.25am Lights In The Dusk (2006) 3.05 Close

11.05am To Have And Have Not (1944) 1.00pm One Spy Too Many (1966) 3.00 Four Eyes And Six Guns (1992) 4.50 The Star (1952) 6.45 The Frisco Kid (1979) 9.00 Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (1997) 12.00am Wise Guys (1986) 1.50 Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil (1997) 4.25 The Screening Room

4.20pm My Family 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 7.40 Yes, Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.00 Jonathan Creek 12.20am Murder Most Horrid 1.00 Harry Enfield

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 South Park 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

Classics

Indie


030_LS431_TV_Wed

7/2/09

12:00 PM

Page 1

wednesday 8 The Culture Show BBC2, 7pm It’s back with many things to keep you entertained and stimulated at the same time. Kicking off with the best of the 2009 Manchester International Festival, the collaboration between theatre group Punchdrunk and filmmaker Adam Curtis, plus Damon Albarn, and Lauren Laverne talking to Elbow’s Guy Garvey. For starters.

Ugly Betty Channel 4, 10pm Never is an opportunity to turn a drama into a crisis overlooked at MODE magazine but this time it really is dramaful as an accident stuns everyone. Obviously it’s down to Betty to work out what exactly happened, while everyone else runs around in little circles on their Jimmy Choos looking for matching bags.

Life ITV3, 10pm Isn’t it nice the number of us Brits heading up cracking US series? Whether it’s Hugh Laurie in House, Dominic West in The Wire or – in this case – Damian Lewis starring as previously wronged but now righteous cop Crews. Teaming up with partner Reese, they’re soon on the track of an escaped violent con. Nice.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Arthur 3.50 Arthur 4.05 Roar 4.35 Hotel Trubble 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Alien Empire 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm Animal Park 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Axe The Agent? 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Chase

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 How Clean Is Your House? 9.35 Will And Grace 10.05 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Class: Today’s Nude 1.00 Postmodern Pastimes 1.15 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Sailing: World Match Tour 10.00 Live Cricket: The Ashes 2009 7.00pm Total Rugby 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 1.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds Comedienne Helen Lederer takes on comedian, impersonator and EastEnders actor Bobby Davro. 7.00 The Culture Show See highlights. 7.50 Puffin Island 8.00 Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May confront the credit crunch head on as they attempt to find three sensibly priced small cars that won’t make you miserable. Michael McIntyre is the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. 9.00 Taking The Flak Sitcom with Martin Jarvis and Doon Mackichan. A small African war suddenly becomes global news and a team of BBC journalists arrive in the country of Karibu, ready to cover the conflict for ‘the Ten’ back home. 10.00 Supersave Me In the last of this Money Programme series looking at Britain in recession, financial journalist and author Merryn Somerset-Webb sets off to find out what we should be doing with our money as risk is high, interest rates are low and pensions are in turmoil. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series. Brianna seeks answers from Avon and Stringer. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Deutsch Plus 17-20 5.00 Deutsch Plus II

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lexi suggests that she and Carl try IVF treatment. Hang on, aren’t they both dreadfully unhappy together? Bring a kid into that to stay true to Soap misery. 7.30 Coronation Street Kevin and Molly’s antics attract the attention of the police. Sounds impressive. Not law-breaking but high profile antics. 8.00 The Bill Sergeant Smith and PC Gayle uncover a ring of illegal human trafficking when they come across a lorry holding Afghan immigrants. 9.00 Trial And Retribution Police drama. While on leave in Glasgow to take care of his increasingly senile mother, DCS Walker becomes involved in the case of a missing woman. What about Mum?! 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Total Emergency Series following all three major emergency services as they keep the streets of Sheffield safe. Police raid a flat for drugs, paramedics try to save the life of a man who has taken an overdose, and firefighters tackle a blaze in a flat. Hopefully not all in the same place. No Nectar points here. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 12.35am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.30 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Terror In The Family (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Charlie is jealous of Angelo’s relationship with May. Trey tries to apologise to Nicole. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo presented by Konnie Huq. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights of the first Ashes Test between England and Australia at the SWALEC Stadium in Cardiff. 8.00 Build A New Life In The Country Charlie Luxton meets a couple planning to convert an old Kent sawmill into a family home. Claire and Stuart want to give their young children a traditional country upbringing, but money woes and the stress of the build put pressure on the whole family. Is that really a surprise? Really?! 9.00 FILM: Panic Room (2002) Starring Jodie Foster, Kristen Stewart, Forest Whitaker, Jared Leto and Dwight Yoakam. Stylish suspense thriller. When three thieves invade an upper-class New York home, a woman and her diabetic daughter are forced to retreat to their ‘panic room’, a state-of-the-art secret chamber. 11.15 Soho Blues Documentary series profiling police work in the heart of London’s West End. 12.15am PartyPoker.com European Open V 1.50 UEFA Cup Classics (x2) 3.30 IndyCar (x2) 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Real Rescues Nick Knowles presents exclusive footage of a dramatic rescue in the icy Southern Ocean, where a cruise ship has hit an iceberg and the lives of British holidaymakers hang in the balance. Celine Dion was not a popular choice for spirit-raising songs. 8.00 Celebrity MasterChef The three finalists are faced with their toughest challenges yet. 9.00 Torchwood: Children Of Earth Science-fiction drama created by Russell T Davies. The eyes of the world turn to Britain, as the 456 announce, ‘We are here’. Like one of those big maps at a theme park. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Richard Dimbleby Lecture 2009 His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales gives The Richard Dimbleby Lecture from St James’s Palace in London. 11.20 The National Lottery Draws Mucho money for grabs. 11.30 FILM: Buster (1988) Starring Phil Collins, Julie Walters. Story of Great Train Robber Buster Edwards. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: On Thin Ice 2.10 Famous, Rich And Homeless 3.10 Celebrity MasterChef 4.10 Heir Hunters 4.55 BBC News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Zoe and Nancy think that Hannah’s marriage to Darren is hilarious, but she is determined she is not going to be a 20-year-old divorcee. Not the best reason in the world to stay with a man you don’t love. Let’s think of some other ones. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Embarrassing Teenage Bodies The doctors revisit some of their teen patients to see how their cases have progressed. The doctors travel to Magaluf in Majorca and discover how teens are jeopardising their health on holiday through a mix of sun, sex and booze. Back in Britain, Maria’s weight is dangeously out of control, Adele is trying to deal with body-hair hell and Indre is having trouble controlling her bladder. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 10.00 Ugly Betty See highlights. 11.00 Skins Drama series following the chaotic lives of a group of Bristol teenagers. It’s Cook’s 17th birthday, and half the college are invited to his uncle’s pub for a night Cook believes will go down in history. 12.00am 4 Music: Gaymers Grassroots Gigs: The Zutons 12.35 Dirty Sexy Money 1.25 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Bob And Margaret 4.30 Revelations: Muslim School 5.25 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 9.30 Mountain Bike World 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge IV 2009 1.00pm Pool: World Cup Of Pool 2.00 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 2.30 Sailing: World Match Tour 3.00 Poker: Sports Stars Challenge IV 2009 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Boots ’n’ All 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 World Tenpin Masters 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Boots ’n’ All 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Rallyzone 1.30 Boots ’n’ All 2.30 Women’s Pool 3.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Modern Pentathlon 8.00 European Volleyball League 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Women’s Pool 1.00 Carp Academy 1.30 Wild Spirits 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Mountain Bike World 3.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Modern Pentathlon 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Aero GP 7.30 Rallyzone 8.00 Boots ’n’ All 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Rallyzone 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 World Tenpin Masters 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 European Volleyball League 4.00 Close Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

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Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Lost 3.00 Bones 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 11.30 Wives 12.30am Ross Kemp In Afghanistan

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.05 Doctor Who Confidential 8.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 9.00 Britain’s Embarrassing Emissions 10.00 FILM: Freaky Friday (2003) 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Torchwood: Children Of Earth 1.15 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.45 Bizarre ER 2.15 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Once A Soldier 8.00 Legends: The Andrews Sisters - Queens Of The Music Machines 9.00 The Grandparent Diaries 10.00 Getting On 10.30 Wonderland: The Secret Life Of Norman Wisdom Aged 92 3/4 11.10 Wonderland: The 92 Year Old Danger Junkie

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Johnny Vegas: The Hot Desk 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: Love Actually (2003) 11.45 Coronation Street 12.15am FILM: Notting Hill (1999)

3.00pm Wycliffe 4.05 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Master Of The Moor 5.15 Rising Damp 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.25 Carry On Laughing 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life. See highlights 11.00 FILM: The Killing Fields (1984) 1.45am Dempsey And Makepeace

3.55pm The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Mean Machine (2001) 11.00 You Have Been Watching 11.50 A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila 12.50am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 Henry VIII’s Lost Palaces: A Time Team Special 10.00 Henry VIII: Mind Of A Tyrant 11.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 12.15am Henry VIII’s Lost Palaces: A Time Team Special

2.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Private Practice 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties 3.00 The Biggest Loser UK

G.O.L.D

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 20th Anniversary: Viewers’ Top Five 11.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road

11.00am Jericho (x5) 4.00pm FILM: Dungeons And Dragons: Wrath Of The Dragon God (2005) 6.10 FILM: Thrill Seekers (1999) 8.00 FILM: Polar Storm (2009) 9.50 FILM: Fire From Below (2009) 11.40 FILM: Supergator 1.30am Ghost Stories 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium 4.00 Angel

11.50am Romanoff & Juliet (1961) 1.40pm Dante’s Inferno (1935) 3.15 Seven Days In May (1964) 5.15 Island In The Sky (1953) 7.10 Rooster Cogburn (1975) 9.00 Spellbound (1945) 10.55 Too Late The Hero (1970) 1.10am Romanoff & Juliet (1961) 3.05 Seven Days In May (1964)

10.35am There Will Be Blood (2007) 1.15pm The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 2.50 This Is My Father (1998) 4.50 Water (2005) 6.50 The Movie Geek 7.20 There Will Be Blood (2007) 10.00 Across The Universe (2007) 12.15am The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 1.50 Plunkett And Macleane (1999)

11.00am Carmen Jones (1954) 1.05pm Green For Danger (1946) 2.55 Carrington VC (1954) 5.05 Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 7.00 Bad News Bears (1976) 9.00 Keeping Mum (2005) 11.00 Black Rain (1989) 1.25am My Beautiful Laundrette (1985) 3.25 Close

7.10am Four Eyes And Six Guns (1992) 8.45 The Star (1952) 10.30 The Frisco Kid (1979) 12.45pm Operation Pacific (1951) 3.00 A Little Romance (1979) 5.10 Tall Man Riding (1955) 6.45 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 9.00 Batman Returns (1992) 11.25 Star 80 (1983) 1.15am Going Home (1971)

3.40pm The Brittas Empire 4.20 My Family 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 7.40 Yes, Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.00 Jonathan Creek 12.20am Hippies

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

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031_LS431_TV_Thu

7/1/09

11:33 AM

Page 1

thursday 9 The Real Goldfinger – Revealed Five, 8pm It’s lovely when Five takes what we think is a fictional idea and goes: ‘Hmm... maybe it’s truer than you think,’ rubbing its chin all the way. Like the plot of Bond’s Goldfinger. Yup, in 1914 the British secret service worked to foil an attack on the Bank of England. Similar, but different.

Mock The Week BBC2, 9pm Now this particular topical panel gameshow has come under fire recently for being too bullish and not letting its guests get a word in edgewise. With regulars Hugh Dennis, Frankie Boyle, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons it can seem like a boys club, apparently. Frank Skinner and Gina Yashere try and break through.

Legends: Josephine Baker – The First Black Superstar BBC4, 10.30pm Provocateur, singer, dancer and first African American to star in a major motion picture, here is a pioneering spirit from America who had nothing to do with the Gold Rush. A major aide to the French Resistance and a leading light in the US Civil Rights movement, plus much more.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Arthur 3.50 Arthur 4.05 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 4.35 Horrible Histories 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 Castle In The Country 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 2.00 Axe The Agent? 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds Political heavyweights Edwina Currie and Lembit Opik use all their debating, deliberating, and dealing skills when they take on each other at an auction house. Maybe an old Cheeky Girl outfit? 7.00 How The Celts Saved Britain Dan Snow blows the lid on the traditional Anglo-centric view of history and reveals how the Irish saved Britain from cultural oblivion during the Dark Ages of 400-800AD. 8.00 RHS Hampton Court Flower Show 2009 Joe Swift and Rachel de Thame are joined by James Wong to give a guided tour of the show. 9.00 Mock The Week See highlights. 9.30 That Mitchell And Webb Look Comedy sketch show starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb. 10.00 Psychoville Dark comedy thriller series. David and his mum are mid-murder when an unexpected visitor throws them into panic. Who is the mystery caller? What will happen to the body in the trunk? And will Maureen finally get to try one of those pyramid teabags? 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Golf: Scottish Open Highlights 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Germany Inside Out 1-4

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Chase

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 How Clean Is Your House? 9.35 Will And Grace 10.05 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Class: Today’s Nude 1.00 Postmodern Pastimes 1.15 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Mind Of The Crime (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Kirsty is annoyed with Miles. They’re a couple. These things happen. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo presented by Konnie Huq. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights of the first Ashes Test between England and Australia at the SWALEC Stadium in Cardiff. 8.00 The Real Goldfinger – Revealed See highlights. 9.00 The Mentalist Drama series following the work of an investigator who uses his skills of observation to solve crimes. Jane is lured to a car bomb that temporarily blinds him and kills a stockbroker shackled within the vehicle. To find the killer, the agents must find a connection between the victim and Jane. 10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series about an elite force that investigates sexually oriented crimes. A quadruple homicide with sexual overtones kickstarts an intense rampage of killings. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. Detectives Goren and Eames become curious about an altruistic Good Samaritan who gives away his organs and money to the needy. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 NFL Classics 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 2009 7.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 2.00pm Barclays Premier League World 2.30 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 4.30 Time Of Our Lives 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Janine has a cunning money-making scheme up her sleeve. Almost forgot she was still on the Square she’s been so quiet. What’s she up to? 8.00 Celebrity MasterChef The three finalists are flown to North Africa and have to master traditional cooking techniques as well as exquisite fine dining. Their final challenge is to cook a three course meal at Theo Randall’s renowned Italian restaurant for five of the Godfathers of French cooking. 9.00 Torchwood: Children Of Earth Science-fiction drama created by Russell T Davies. Torchwood learns the truth about 1965, as the Ambassador reveals its true intent. Dum, dum, DUM! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Schools Question Time comes from Salford. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott. Accessible bite-size chunks of politics. 12.20am Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Gerry Robinson’s Car Crash 1.25 Countryfile 2.20 Celebrity MasterChef 3.20 Heir Hunters 4.05 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy struggles to comprehend that he has lost the farm. He used to have everything going for him too. Even when he killed his foster mum everyone loved him. Anyone remember that? 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney and the team continue their summer journey across Britain. 8.00 The Bill Ara’s boyfriend Khaled is brought in for questioning and admits to his role in the human trafficking operation. He tells the officers that Jason’s father Matthew is in charge, but the team know they will have a hard time proving it. Good thing they’re clever coppers then. 9.00 Trial And Retribution Conclusion. Following his arrest, Ronnie Reid refutes the evidence in Anna’s diary – and her own mother questions its authenticity. Tensions rise between Walker and Mullins, the Glasgow detective who originally worked on the case. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras Britain’s police record their daily battle on the front line of crime. 11.35 FILM: Levity (2003) Starring Billy Bob Thornton, Morgan Freeman, Holly Hunter, Kirsten Dunst. Drama. 1.15am Motorsport UK 2.05 Supernatural 2.55 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Spencer is still convinced Warren is alive and plans to sell The Loft to Ash. Anyone got the heart to tell him different? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 The Home Show Architect George Clarke helps City boy Marek turn his penthouse bachelor pad into a cosy couple retreat for him and his girlfriend. Who’s got the cafetiere? 9.00 Gerry’s Big Decision Each week, entrepreneur Sir Gerry Robinson is presented with two struggling ventures and must decide which, if any, to invest in. A Lancashire chair manufacturer and a well-known Devon pastry maker compete for funds. Sitting and eating. Our favourite things ever. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 The TNT Show Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh present a late-night entertainment show, taking an irreverent look at the week’s bits. 11.45 Derren Brown: Trick Or Treat Psychological illusionist Derren Brown involves members of the public and celebrities in a fiendish version of the Halloween game. 12.15am You Have Been Watching 1.05 Big Brother: Live 4.00 3 Minute Wonder 4.05 Teenagers Fighting Cancer 5.00 3 Minute Wonder 5.05 Countdown 5.50 The Treacle People

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 9.00 Boots ‘n’ All 10.00 Live European Tour Golf 1.00pm Total Rugby 1.30 Rallyzone 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Ocean Adventures 6.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.00 LIVE US Women’s Open 11.00 Golf Night 1.00am US Women’s Open Golf 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Experience 8.00 European Volleyball League 10.00 World Tenpin Masters 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 World Tenpin Masters 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 World Tenpin Masters 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Trans World Sport 7.00 Race World 8.00 The Dogs 8.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 9.00 WWE Late Night Raw 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am Race World 1.00 Time Of Our Lives 2.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 2.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Lost 3.00 Bones 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 My Breasts Could Kill Me (x2) 1.00am Law And Order 1.50 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.00 Question Time Live: Schools Edition 9.00 My Best Friend’s Murder 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Torchwood: Children Of Earth 12.45am My Best Friend’s Murder 1.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 In Search Of England’s Green And Pleasant Land 8.00 Horizon: 40 Years On The Moon 9.00 Manet: The Man Who Invented Modern Art 10.30 Legends: Josephine Baker - The First Black Superstar. See highlights. 11.30 The High Life 12.00am Horizon: 40 Years On The Moon

5.15pm Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 The Saturdays: The Hot Desk 8.00 America’s Got Talent 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 ITunes Festival 2009 11.00 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) 1.25am America’s Got Talent

2.40pm Wycliffe 3.45 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 4.50 Monarch Of The Glen 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Carry On Laughing 8.00 Martin Clunes: A Man And His Dogs 9.00 Ladies Of Letters 9.30 Rising Damp 10.00 The Forsyte Saga 11.40 Numb3rs 12.40am Dempsey And Makepeace

3.00pm Desperate Housewives 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Reaper 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.30 Plus One 11.00 The Kevin Bishop Show 11.30 Fonejacker 12.00am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 Squirrel Wars: Red Vs Grey 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies 10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 11.00 Without A Trace 12.00am Embarrassing Bodies

3.00pm Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Grey’s Anatomy (x2) 9.00 Private Practice 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Criminal Minds (x2) 2.00 Charmed 3.00 The Biggest Loser UK 3.50 Downsize Me! 4.40 The Steve Wilkos Show 5.30 Home Shopping

G.O.L.D

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Weapons Of Combat 3.00 World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Extreme Loggers 10.00 Deadliest Catch 11.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 12.00am Most Evil

11.00am Angel (x5) 4.00 FILM: Landslide (2004) 6.00 FILM: Earth Girls Are Easy (1989) 8.00 Bionic Woman 9.00 My Own Worst Enemy 10.00 Dollhouse 11.00 Knight Rider 12.00am FILM: Kaw (2007) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4) 4.00 Angel 5.00 Jericho

11.15am The Great Man’s Lady (1942) 12.50pm The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 2.35 The Movie Geek 3.05 Attack! (1956) 4.55 Twelve O’Clock High (1949) 7.10 The Harder They Fall (1956) 9.00 Frenzy (1972) 11.00 Kiss Of Death (1947) 2.30am Scream And Scream Again (1970)

9.30am Control (2007) 11.40 Sunshine (2007) 1.40pm Days Of Glory (2005) 3.50 Clubland (2007) 5.50 Sicko (2007) 8.00 Sunshine (2007) 10.00 Control (2007) 12.05am Requiem For A Dream (2000) 1.50 The Last Mogul: Life And Times Of Lew Wasserman (2005)

11.00am Winter Light (1962) 12.40pm It’s In The Bag (1945) 2.25 Whirlpool (1949) 4.20 North To Alaska (1960) 6.50 Made In America (1993) 9.00 The Untouchables (1987) 11.15 One Night At McCool’s (2001) 1.00am La Cienaga (2000) 3.00 Close

9.15am Tall Man Riding (1955) 10.50 The Year Of Living Dangerously (1982) 1.00pm The In-Laws (1979) 3.00 The Philadelphia Story (1940) 5.10 Fort Worth (1951) 6.45 Where The Spies Are (1965) 9.00 Batman Forever (1995) 11.20 Showdown In Little Tokyo (1991) 12.55am O Lucky Man! (1973)

3.40pm The Brittas Empire 4.20 My Family 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 7.40 Yes, Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 Only Fools And Horses 11.00 Jonathan Creek 1.00am Steptoe And Son

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

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032_LS431_TV_Fri

7/2/09

12:06 PM

Page 1

friday 10 Celebrity MasterChef BBC1, 8.30pm It’s the grand final, and no matter what you’ve had for your tea it will pale into cardboard-tasting goo compared to the treats and delights these three finalists will be whipping up. It’s their best three course meal, to be judged by John Torode and Gregg Wallace resulting in one final winner. Where is tasti-vision?!

Big Brother Channel 4, 9pm & 10.35pm “Please do not swear – we’re coming to get you!” Sounds like a kids TV apocalypse but in actual fact it’s the culmination of one housemate’s weeks of suspense waiting to see their ‘best bits.’ Davina announces who is to be evicted, has a look at the last 24 hours in the house and then chats to the evictee. Busy, busy!

ITunes Festival 2009 ITV2, 8pm Fearne Cotton and Dave Berry get ready to rock on down both out front at the gigs at Camden Town’s Roundhouse and backstage, bringing exclusive interviews and possibly a few candid moments as the night draws on and ‘going live’ gets a bit more risky. Music includes Ironik and Franz Ferdinand.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Arthur 3.50 Arthur 4.05 Animals At Work 4.35 Trapped 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 Castle In The Country 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 2.00 Axe The Agent? 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds Sporting giants Henry Cooper and Geoff Capes vie to be champ when they meet each other in an auction saleroom. 7.00 How The Celts Saved Britain Dan Snow blows the lid on the traditional Anglo-centric view of history. 8.00 Gardeners’ World Toby Buckland, Carol Klein, Joe Swift and Alys Fowler give a few professional pointers to help you groom your garden to perfection. 9.00 RHS Hampton Court Flower Show 2009 Joe Swift and Rachel de Thame are joined by James Wong to give a guided tour of the show. Artist and Royal Academician David Mach joins RHS medal winner Cleve West to fathom whether the Conceptual Gardens should be viewed as horticulture or art. Innit pretty? 10.00 Horne And Corden Mathew Horne and James Corden host and star in their own comedy sketch show. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme, with Gavin Esler. 11.35 Golf: Scottish Open Highlights 12.35am Medium 1.20 The Wire (x3)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Chase

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.20 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.50 Big Brother 9.00 How Clean Is Your House? 9.35 Will And Grace 10.05 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Class: Today’s Nude 1.00 Postmodern Pastimes 1.15 Channel 4 Racing 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 7.15am Children’s television 7.15 Little Princess 7.27 Sailor Sid 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Love Comes Softly (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Aden becomes involved with a loan shark. Tony gives Martha and Hugo his blessing. Nice of him. 6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series based at Colchester Zoo presented by Konnie Huq. 7.00 Five News At 7 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights of the first Ashes Test between England and Australia at the SWALEC Stadium in Cardiff. 8.00 Air Force Afghanistan Documentary series chronicling life for the British servicemen and women stationed at Kandahar air base in southern Afghanistan. 9.00 NCIS Drama series. The investigation into the death of a marine at a high-profile function leads to the discovery of a dead young girl and a sex-trafficking ring. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. Goren and Eames probe the disappearance of a police chief’s daughter. 11.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series based on the work of forensic investigators. The CSIs are called to the murder of a man who was burned alive. As the investigation progresses, it seems the crime is connected to a gas-siphoning ring. But could there be a wider motive? 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Test Cricket 10.00 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 2009 7.00pm Gillette World Sport 7.30 Speedway World Cup 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 1.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Speedway: World Cup 2009 Preview

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Air Medics A look at the work of the Great North Air Ambulance, as they are tested to the limit. 8.00 EastEnders Heather’s secret is out, but the question on everyone’s lips is “Who’s the daddy?” Anyone feel an 80s flashback coming on? Who’s the poppa ‘Chelle? Who?! 8.30 Celebrity MasterChef See highlights. 9.00 Torchwood: Children Of Earth Science-fiction drama created by Russell T Davies. Gwen stands alone as the final sanction begins, and the world descends into anarchy. Is that like the bargain basement at Hamley’s? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan is joined by the grande dame of British fashion, Dame Vivienne Westwood, and Scottish troubadour Paolo Nutini. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw OJ Borg with this week’s Euromillions results. 11.40 FILM: Spy Hard (1996) Starring Leslie Nielsen, Nicolette Sheridan, Charles Durning. Spy spoof. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: Mary Queen Of Charity Shops 2.05 Celebrity MasterChef 2.35 Heir Hunters 3.20 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola tries to avoid going to her antenatal classes. Skiver. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Kevin and Molly be rumbled at Sally’s party? Probably not. There’s loads of mileage left here. 8.00 Airline More antics from the UK’s regional airports. 8.30 Coronation Street Kevin and Molly get away with it – but at what cost? Told you! Rosie causes drama between Sophie and Ben. Helen warns Maria to be careful with Tony. 9.00 Doc Martin Portwenn is buzzing with the news of Martin and Louisa’s engagement – but Aunt Joan is disappointed that she has to hear about the impending nuptials from the village postman rather than her own nephew. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Enforcer (1976) Starring Clint Eastwood, Tyne Dal. Police thriller sequel. Maverick cop Dirty Harry Callahan is unimpressed with his new partner Kate Moore. But the pair must try to put their differences aside in order to tackle terrorists who have stolen a truckload of weapons. That’s a proper measurement – ‘truckload’. 12.20am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.20 FILM: Grey Owl (1999) 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Leo tries to pull his family back together. Frankie agrees to help Steph make a new start. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Wild Things Documentary about a group of young adults in the 1970s who converted a townhouse in London into a revolutionary commune, rejecting the idea of a nuclear family by choosing to raise their children collectively. The parents also decided not to bestow their father’s surname upon their children, and instead used a new name, Wild. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? Tom and Colette have £320,000 to spend on their first home. Will they choose to live in Birmingham for the sake of Tom’s business, or sell up and relocate to Florida? For unemployment? 9.00 Big Brother See highlights. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show alongside team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. 10.35 Big Brother See highlights. 11.05 The Simpsons 11.35 Russell Brand’s Ponderland 12.10am 4Music Favourites: Doves 12.40 4 Music: JD Set Presents: Dan Black The Servant. 12.55 4Play: Black Box 1.05 PokerStars.com 2.00 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Bob And Margaret 4.30 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball 5.25 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 The Dogs 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Barclays Premier League World 1.30 The Dogs 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Live European Tour Golf 6.00 Ocean Adventures 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am NFL – Total Access 1.00 Super League 3.00 Friday Fight Night 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 Rallyzone

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Squash 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 Premier League Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Race World 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 The Dogs 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 LIVE US Women’s Open 11.00 Golf Night 1.00am US Women’s Open 5.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 5.30 The Dogs

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Lost 3.00 Bones 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 The Lion Man (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 9.00 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 11.30 Bones 12.30am Road Wars 1.30 Wives 2.25 Ross Kemp In Afghanistan

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 LIVE T: Maximo Park & James Morrison 9.00 LIVE T: Franz Ferdinand 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Can I Get High Legally? 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Torchwood: Children Of Earth 1.15 T: The View 2.45 Being Human 3.45 Bizarre ER 4.15 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 In Search Of England’s Green And Pleasant Land 8.00 Toscanini In His Own Words 9.00 Glastonbury: 2009 Sessions 10.00 Sight And Sound In Concert 10.30 Even More Guitar Heroes At The BBC 11.30 Flight Of The Conchords 11.55 The Chaser’s War On Everything

5.15pm Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Seann William Scott: The Hot Desk 8.00 ITunes Festival 2009. See highlights. 9.00 America’s Got Talent 10.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 11.00 Coronation Street (x2) 12.00am America’s Got Talent

12.20pm Rising Damp 12.55 Heartbeat 1.55 Upstairs, Downstairs 2.55 Wycliffe 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 5.10 Rising Damp 5.45 Heartbeat 6.45 On The Buses 7.20 Carry On Laughing 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: The Mission (1986) 12.30am Cadfael

1.25pm Big Brother 2.35 Friends 3.05 Desperate Housewives 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Wife Swap 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 12.10am Big Brother: Live

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 My Father The Mercenary 9.00 FILM: The Quick And The Dead (1995) 11.10 Us Now 12.25am FILM: The Quick And The Dead (1995)

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace (x2) 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

G.O.L.D

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 10.00 Showdown: Air Combat 11.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 12.00am Most Evil

11.00am Mysterious Ways (x5) 4.00 FILM: Earth Girls Are Easy (1989) 6.10 FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 8.00 Medium 9.00 Heroes (x2) 11.00 FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006) 12.50am Medium 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4) 4.00 Angel 5.00 Jericho

8.30am Rear Window (1954) 10.25 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 1.25pm Louisiana Purchase (1941) 3.05 Fixed Bayonets (1951) 4.40 Night And The City (1950) 6.20 The Big Country (1958) 9.05 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 12.05am Rear Window (1954) 1.55 Cape Fear (1962)

9.00am The Kite Runner (2007) 11.10 Mumford (1999) 1.05pm Almost Famous (2000) 3.45 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 5.45 The Kite Runner (2007) 7.55 Youth Without Youth (2007) 10.00 All The Real Girls (2002) 11.55 Almost Famous (2000) 2.45am Bringing Out The Dead (1999)

11.00am South Of St Louis (1949) 12.45pm The Common Touch (1941) 2.55 Boy On A Dolphin (1957) 5.05 Carpool (1996) 6.50 Grease (1978) 9.00 Behind Enemy Lines (2001) 11.05 The Truth About Cats And Dogs (1995) 1.00am Waiting Women (1952) 3.15 Close

9.15am Fort Worth (1951) 10.50 Where The Spies Are (1965) 1.00pm Dark Victory (1939) 3.00 The Treasure Of The Sierra Madre (1948) 5.20 Kansas Pacific (1953) 6.50 Sweet November (1968) 9.00 Boogie Nights (1997) 12.00am The Hunger (1983) 1.55 Boogie Nights (1997) 4.30 The Screening Room

3.00pm Butterflies 3.40 The Brittas Empire 4.20 My Family 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 7.40 Yes, Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 Jonathan Creek (x2) 12.10am The Likely Lads 12.45 The Two Ronnies Christmas Sketchbook

6.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Brendon Burns: So I Suppose This Is Offensive Now 1.05am South Park (x3) 2.35 The Sarah Silverman Programme 3.05 The World Stands Up

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7/2/09

3:30 PM

Page 1

saturday 11 Harry Potter: Behind The Magic ITV1, 7pm Like Christmas, when one has just passed it feels like ages before the next one will be with us and then – BANG – it’s on your doorstep, another Harry Potter film. Ben Sheppard takes an exclusive look behind the scenes of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Better than magic.

Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow BBC1, 9.40pm Yes, no tour would be in any way complete without a stop off in our fair city with our very own celebs in the audience, and a few shipped in from slightly further north. Oh, and there are cracking comics on too with sets from Mickey Flanigan, Jon Richardson and Al Murray. Viva la Dome!

Apollo Wives BBC4, 10pm Ten incredible women reunite in Arizona to talk about their own experience of seeing the man they loved blast off into space and possible death as an Apollo astronaut. In exclusive interviews they tell not only of the anxiety when their husbands were in space but the difficulties once they returned.

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sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Eating In The Sun 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: The German Grand Prix 2.15 Golf: Scottish Open 5.15 Robin Hood

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Animalia 7.25 Sportsround 7.40 Funky Fables 7.55 Eliot Kid 8.05 Wolverine And The X-Men 8.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.25 Diddy Dick And Dom 9.30 Hotel Trubble 10.00 Transmission Impossible With Ed And Oucho 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm The Sky At Night 12.20 Coast 12.25 FILM: Fire Down Below (1957) 2.15 FILM: The Prince And The Showgirl (1957) 4.10 Flog It! 4.40 Athletics: World Trials 6.30 Empire Of Cricket From Don Bradman and Richie Benaud to Steve Waugh and Shane Warne, this programme finds out how Australia defined itself through cricketing success and went on to become the team it is today. 7.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Mainwaring’s platoon runs into an abandoned steam engine on the route of a planned exercise. 8.00 Terror! Robespierre And The French Revolution Telling stories from history. Which means that’s how it happened – Fact! 9.30 Blood And Guts: A History Of Surgery Doc series about the brutal, bloody and dangerous history of surgery continues with a look at the development of transplant surgery. 10.30 The Supersizers Eat... The French Revolution Restaurant critic Giles Coren and writer and comedian Sue Perkins experience the food culture of years gone by. 11.30 FILM: Vatel (2000) Starring Gerard Depardieu, Uma Thurman, Tim Roth. France 1671, and with war brewing, the penniless Prince de Conde invites King Louis XIV to his country chateau. Desperate for a commission the prince places Vatel, a man of honour, talent and low rank, in charge of proceedings. 1.10am The Culture Show 2.00 FILM: The Lady And The Duke (2001) 4.00 Inside F1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 10.25 Countrywise 10.55 Quincy, ME 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm FILM: Avalanche Express (1979) 1.40 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity 2.40 Beat The Star 3.55 Meridian News And Weather 4.10 ITV News And Weather 4.25 FILM: Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban (2004)

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.25 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.35 Shooting Lily Allen 11.05 Friends 11.35 Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince: T4 Movie Special 12.10pm Big Brother 1.10 Big Brother 1.45 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Location, Location, Location 4.30 Gok’s Fashion Fix 5.30 Celebrity Come Dine With Me

6.00am Cricket: The Ashes 2009 8.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Cricket AM 10.00 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 2009 2.00pm LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 2009 7.00 Where Are They Now? 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 10.00 Where Are They Now? 10.30 Barclays Premier League World 11.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 1.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Speedway: World Cup 2009 5.00 Where Are They Now? 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

7.00 Harry Potter: Behind The Magic See highlights. 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten hopeful contestants compete for a place in the hotseat opposite Chris Tarrant, and the chance to walk away with the top prize of one million pounds. 9.00 Katie Price Exclusive – With Piers Morgan Piers Morgan has a no-holds-barred interview with Katie Price in which she talks candidly about her split with Peter Andre, the nature of their relationship, and what the future holds. Piers asks the questions that everyone’s been asking - and get the answers. Don’t tell us, she’s blaming the media. 9.45 Mumbai Calling Sitcom. Kenny leaves some of his personal things at Terri’s flat after spending a night there. However, when he learns that his boss Phillip Glass is in the country and on his way to Terri’s home, he deploys Dev to retrieve his affects. 10.15 ITV News; Weather 10.30 FILM: True Lies (1994) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Tom Arnold, Tia Carrere, Art Malik. Explosive comedy thriller about a US undercover agent who draws his frustrated wife into his dangerous world in a bid to give her the excitement she craves. 1.05am FILM: Moby Dick (1956) 3.05 Crossing Jordan 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor Former Special Forces adventurer Bear Grylls parachutes into the Siberian tundra where he must survive a week of extreme challenges, including a swim under the ice in subzero temperatures which can send the body into fatal shock. He is Action Man, truly. 8.00 ER Final series of the American drama. Neela becomes upset when Banfield questions her authority and skills in front of an intern. Gates invites Sam and Alex to move in with him and Sarah. 9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 10.00 Sean Lock: Stand Up Sean Lock, one of Britain’s favourite comedians and star of 8 Out of 10 Cats, performs in front of an packed house at the Hammersmith Apollo. 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own entertainment chat show. Guests include comedian Dawn French, property experts Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer, and David Walliams, with music from La Roux. 11.55 Big Brother’s Big Mouth Davina McCall is joined by celebrity guests and the latest evicted housemate for the weekly debate involving you at home. 12.55am Big Brother: Live 4.00 Bob And Margaret 4.25 Scrapheap Challenge 5.25 Countdown

6.00am Sunrise 7.00 Angels Of Jarm 7.05 – 7.45 Children’s television 7.45 Hana’s Helpline 8.00 Olivia 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 The Secret Of Eel Island 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 The Gadget Show 10.40 Fifth Gear 11.40 Axe Men 12.40pm FILM: Jackie Chan’s Gorgeous (1999) 2.40 FILM: Chariots Of Fire (1981) 5.00 Five News 5.05 FILM: The Sea Chase (1955) 7.15 Cricket On Five Richie Benaud and Mark Nicholas present highlights of the first Ashes Test between England and Australia. 8.00 NCIS Drama series. A barman wakes up to find the girl he went home with lying dead beside him. To confuse matters further, he claims that the girl lying next to him was not the girl he originally took home. So it wasn’t the girl he went home with. We’re a tad lost here. 8.55 NCIS Drama series. Gibbs and the team try to find the mystery sender of a set of eyeballs that are mailed to an officer’s home. Hey, good lookin’! Sorry. 9.50 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. Catherine and Nick investigate when a young woman falls to her death from a balcony and Grissom hunts down the killer of a high school guidance counsellor. 10.50 Law And Order: SVU Drama series following a group of cops specialising in Special Victims Unit. Benson saves an alleged rape victim from committing suicide, only for her to die when the case goes to trial. 11.50 Quiz Call 4.00am The Gadget Show 4.45 Rough Guide To Bang For Your Buck 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00 BBC News 6.10 Regional News; Weather 6.15 South East Today 6.25 Totally Saturday Graham Norton hosts the show where viewers’ possessions could win them prizes, with music, celebrity guests and a giant furry hamster. 7.00 Total Wipeout The Hamster returns to host more crashes, smashes and hilarious mud splashes on the world’s most ridiculous and extreme obstacle course. 8.00 The National Lottery: Guesstimation So before we were calculating our winning numbers and now we’re allowed to guess? 8.50 Casualty Jordan is left reeling after some life-changing news, and faces a difficult decision, while Adam is shocked to see a familiar face. And Curtis wants a favour from Jeff, but he might need some persuading! 9.40 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow See highlights. 10.25 BBC News 10.45 FILM: Armageddon (1998) Starring Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi, Billy Bob Thornton. Sci-fi thriller in which the American government discovers that it has just 18 days to save the world from an approaching asteroid. I’m-ageddin’-outta-here! 1.05am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.05 Weatherview 2.10 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Tight Lines 7.00 Speedway World Cup 7.30 Friday Fight Night 9.30 Where Are They Now? 10.00 Super League 12.00pm Premier League Years 2.00 LIVE Athletics: English Schools Athletics Championship 2009 5.55 LIVE Super League 8.00 LIVE Masters Football: Central Masters 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Gillette World Sport 12.30 Where Are They Now? 1.00 Live NASCAR 4.30 Max Power 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Super League 9.00 Premier League Years 11.00 WWE Smackdown 1.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.55 LIVE Rugby Union: Currie Cup 6.00 LIVE: Live Speedway World Cup 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Gillette World Sport 10.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Masters Football: Central Masters 5.00 NFL – Total Access

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Oops TV (x2) 1.00 Bones 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 4.00 American Gladiators 5.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Road Wars (x2) 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Street Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 LIVE: T: Razorlight 9.00 LIVE: T: The Killers Live 11.00 Live At The Apollo 11.45 Family Guy 12.10am American Dad! 12.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.00 Bizarre ER 1.30 Make My Body Younger 2.30 Personal Affairs 3.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 4.00 Bizarre ER

7.00pm Natural Selection 7.15 Space Dogs 8.00 Horizon: 40 Years On The Moon 9.00 Being Neil Armstrong 10.00 Apollo Wives. See highlights. 11.00 For All Mankind 12.20am The Grandparent Diaries 1.20 Being Neil Armstrong 2.20 Apollo Wives 3.20 Space Dogs

1.30pm Akon: The Hot Desk 1.40 Holiday Showdown 2.40 FILM: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown (2006) 4.25 America’s Got Talent (x2) 6.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 7.00 Superhuman: Super Strong 8.00 FILM: Twins (1988) 10.10 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) 12.30am FILM: Bowfinger (1999)

11.25 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Vanity Dies Hard 12.35pm The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Vanity Dies Hard (x2) 2.50 Jane Eyre 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Inspector Morse 7.50 Wycliffe 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.05 FILM: Inside I’m Dancing (2004) 1.05am Wycliffe 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs (x2)

10.30am FILM: Mighty Joe Young (1998) 12.40pm Roswell 1.30 Roswell 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 Reaper 7.00 The Big Bang Theory 7.25 Scrubs 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: Mean Machine (2001) 11.00 Ricky Gervais Live: Animals 12.30am Big Brother: Live

12.40pm Time Team 1.50pm FILM: The 39 Steps (1959) 3.45 Grand Designs Revisited (x2) 5.50 Grand Designs (x3) 9.00 Extraordinary Animals In The Womb 10.35 The Great Sperm Race 11.50 The West Wing 12.50am Extraordinary Animals In The Womb 2.25 The Great Sperm Race 3.40 Close

1.00pm Charmed 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model: Finale 3.00 Britain’s Next Top Model: Finale 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Chasing Churchill 3.00 Forensic Detectives (x2) 5.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 6.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 7.00 Time Warp (x2) 8.00 Extreme Loggers 9.00 Ten Commandments Of The Mafia 10.00 Crimes That Shook The World 11.00 Crime Scene Australia 12.00am Most Evil

12.00pm V (x4) 4.00 FILM: It Came From Beneath The Sea (1955) 6.00 Knight Rider 7.00 FILM: Rocketman (1997) 9.00 FILM: Polar Storm (2009) 10.50 FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 12.50am FILM: Thrill Seekers (1999) 3.00 Medium 4.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4)

1.30pm Indiscreet (1958) 3.15 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 5.00 The Movie Geek 5.30 Mister 880 (1950) 7.10 Shenandoah (1965) 9.00 Broken Arrow (1950) 10.40 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 12.25am The Blue Dahlia (1946) 2.15 Sunset Boulevard (1950)

11.00am The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 12.55pm Once (2006) 2.25 Buffalo ‘66 (1998) 4.25 The Top 10 Show 4.40 A Mighty Heart (2007) 6.30 The Savages (2007) 8.30 Once (2006) 10.00 Buffalo ‘66 (1998) 11.55 American History X (1998) 2.05am The Movie Geek

11.00am Girls! Girls! Girls! (1962) 1.00pm Baby’s Day Out (1994) 3.00 Hoppity Goes To Town (1941) 4.35 23 Paces To Baker Street (1956) 6.40 The Family Man (2000) 9.00 My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) 10.50 Marathon Man (1976) 1.15am KM31 (2006) 3.20 Close

9.25am Kansas Pacific (1953) 10.55 Sweet November (1968) 1.00pm Lucky Me (1954) 3.00 Protocol (1984) 4.50 The Boyfriend (1971) 7.25 Disorderlies (1987) 9.00 Blazing Saddles (1974) 10.50 Dark City (1998) 12.50am Blazing Saddles (1974) 2.35 See You In The Morning (1989)

4.00pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x3) 6.00 FILM: Oliver! (1968) 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.10 Only Fools And Horses 11.20 Posh Nosh 11.30 FILM: Dracula: Dead And Loving It () 1.15am French And Saunders Christmas Special 2.05 The Two Ronnies 2.55 Starstruck Classics 3.00 Home Shopping

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Frasier (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal 10.20 Stewart Lee: 41st Best Stand Up Ever 12.00am Comedy Store (x2)

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034_LS431_TV_Sun

7/2/09

2:06 PM

Page 1

sunday 12 On Thin Ice BBC2, 9pm Ben Fogle and James Cracknell’s aim to race to the South Pole together seems to be in real jeopardy as Ben undergoes an intensive course of treatment for a lethal tropical illness. Yikes! Meanwhile James and third team mate Dr Ed Coats keep up their intense preparation for the trek. Can Ben go too? Fingers crossed.

Ladies Of Letters ITV1, 10pm This warm comedy of two wellto-do lady penpals has made rather a successful transition from radio to the telly, with the absurdities and good manners delivering a delightful combination. A self-censored letter to a jailed Irene, along with her daughter’s drug habit, find Vera the subject of a raid. Uh oh.

One Tree Hill E4, 8pm It’s the sixth season premiere and an excellent way of avoiding the reality that tomorrow is Monday. All of the residents are as beautiful and troubled as ever, with Brooke facing a reunion with her mother, Lucas finally pursuing his dream and the woman he loves, and Nathan and Haley meeting a blast from the past.

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm Formula 1: The German Grand Prix 3.05 EastEnders 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Uncle Max 7.10 Thumb Wrestling Federation 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Gimme A Break 7.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.00 Da Dick And Dom Dairies 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Celebrity MasterChef 12.00pm Animal Park 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Golf: Scottish Open 5.30 Athletics: World Trials

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Britain’s Favourite View 9.40 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm Wish You Were Here – Now And Then 12.30 Dream Homes 1.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 2.30 Columbo: Negative Reaction 4.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 FIA GT3 Championship 7.30 GT4 European Cup 8.00 Freesports On 4 8.55 Big Brother 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 1.35 Friends 2.05 Friends 2.40 Ugly Betty 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.35 Supernanny US

6.00am Cricket: The Ashes 2009 8.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Cricket Writers On TV 10.00 LIVE Cricket: The Ashes 2009 (x2) 7.00 Pioneers Of Cricket: Sir Garfield Sobers 8.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 10.00 Pioneers Of Cricket: Sir Garfield Sobers 10.30 Gillette World Sport 11.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 1.00am Test Cricket 2.00 Pioneers Of Cricket: Sir Garfield Sobers 2.30 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 4.30 Test Cricket 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 Antiques Roadshow Experts invite members of the public to bring along their antiques for evaluation. 7.00 Countryfile Countryfile. 8.00 Hope Springs The women resort to fixing a poker game to win fake passports, but it all goes horribly wrong when they discover that they are not the only ones not playing by the rules. Surely that would be ‘bending the rules’? Terribly complicated, Sunday evening telly. 9.00 Casualty 1909 Dr Culpin is powerless to help when Ethel Bennett rushes to her dying brother in a naval hospital. Star surgeon Mr Dean faces destruction through his cocaine addiction. Cripes! 10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Mississippi Burning (1988) Starring Gene Hackman, Willem Dafoe, Frances McDormand, Brad Dourif. Powerful fictionalised account of the murder in 1964 of three civil rights workers in America’s Deep South and the FBI’s subsequent investigation of Ku Klux Klan activities in the area. The assigned agents battle to reconcile their contrasting approach to the assignment, one playing it by the book, the other relying on his instincts as a former sheriff. 12.20am Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Empire Of Cricket 1.25 Holby City 2.25 Why Poetry Matters 3.25 BBC News

8.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views. Jeremy Clarkson gets chased by the British Army in some of their latest and most deadly toys. Meanwhile, Richard Hammond and James May compare the new Porsche Panamera against a small envelope, a 39p stamp and the logistical might of the Royal Mail in a race from one end of the British Isles to the other. Plus, Olympic gold medal winning sprinter Usain Bolt is the star in the Reasonably Priced Car. 9.00 On Thin Ice See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Confetti (2006) Starring Martin Freeman, Jessica Stevenson, Robert Webb, Olivia Colman, Jimmy Carr and Julia Davis. Improvised mockumentary following three couples as they compete to host the ‘Most Original Wedding of the Year’. Featuring a host of talent from British TV comedy and the most bizarre wedding concepts you’ll see for a while. Watch out for the cameo from Jimmy Carr. 11.35 Mock The Week Two teams of comedians take a satirical swipe at the news and world events. Host Dara O’Briain is joined by regulars Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard and Andy Parsons and special guests Frank Skinner and Gina Yashere. 12.05am FILM: The Adventures Of Barry McKenzie (1972) 1.50 BBC News 3.25 The Super League Show

6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 The Royal Doctors Ormerod and Weatherill accompany Brigid back to Ireland for Moira’s funeral – and uncover some shocking family secrets in the process. Back at the Royal, a new locum is thrown in at the deep end – but will he sink or swim? Is he a locum or a witch? 8.00 The Secret Caribbean With Trevor McDonald On the last leg of Trevor’s tour, he witnesses first hand how the forces of nature can make some of the island’s most glamorous locations practically uninhabitable. 9.00 Kingdom Lyle helps a smallholder take on a pharmaceutical giant, and Peter helps an aristocrat to keep things in the family when his brother starts selling off titles. 10.00 Ladies Of Letters See highlights. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 Comedy Classics: Doctor In The House The series about classic sitcoms looks at the comedy based on Richard Gordon’s series of novels about a bunch of medical students. 11.45 Crossing Jordan Woody and Garrett investigate the mysterious death of a well-connected heiress. 12.45am A Match Made In Heaven 1.10 The Cosby Mysteries 1.55 Quincy, ME 2.45 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Revelations: Commando Chaplains Following two Royal Marine chaplains, Nigel Beardsley and William Gates, as they travel around their ‘parish’ in Afghanistan. Chaplains have served in the British armed forces since the Middle Ages, and their role in administering guidance during wartime has become more prominent as religion continues to be dragged into conflicts. 8.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house. 9.00 Michael Jackson’s Last Days: What Really Happened Jacques Peretti investigates the story behind the final months of Michael Jackson’s life. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan is joined by global music star and fashion icon Kanye West and his new UK protege Mr Hudson, who will also be performing his new single, ‘Supernova’. Other guests include Fern Britton and Sarah Harding. 10.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show. Guests include Kelly Osborne. 11.25 FILM: Jackass: The Movie (2002) Starring Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera and Chris Pontius. Featurelength version of the TV series. 1.10am Big Brother: Live 4.00 Bob And Margaret 4.25 Eating For Two 4.30 Scrapheap Challenge 5.30 Countdown

6.00 – 8.25am Children’s television 8.25 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 The Secret Of Eel Island 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Rupert Bear 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Monster Moves 12.00pm Build A New Life In The Country 1.00 The Hotel Inspector 2.00 FILM: Warriors Of Virtue 2: The Return To Tao (2002) 3.45 FILM: The Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad (1958) 5.30 Five News 5.35 FILM: Zoom (2006) 7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights of the first Ashes Test between England and Australia at the SWALEC Stadium in Cardiff. 8.00 Among The Apes Renowned primatologist Charlotte Uhlenbroek travels deep into the dense jungles of Uganda for a close encounter with the largest and rarest of all apes – the mountain gorilla. 9.00 FILM: Romeo Must Die (2000) Starring Jet Li, Aaliyah, Isaiah Washington, Russell Wong, DMX and Delroy Lindo. Martial arts action thriller about a legendary ex-cop who is in jail in Hong Kong when he learns of the murder of his brother, the leader of an Asian crime ring in the US. The cop sets out for revenge against the gangsters who killed his sibling, only to become sidetracked when he falls in love with his archenemy’s daughter. 11.15 FILM: U-Turn (1997) Starring Sean Penn, Jennifer Lopez, Nick Nolte, Billy Bob Thornton, Powers Boothe, Claire Danes and Joaquin Phoenix. Thriller set in a small Arizona town where a drifter with car trouble finds himself stranded while fleeing from some angry Russian gangsters. 1.40am Great North Run 2.40 ITU Triathlon 3.30 Boxing Classic 4.00 Boxing USA 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Max Power 8.00 Masters Football: Central Masters 11.00 Speedway World Cup 2.00pm Masters Football: Central Masters 5.00 LIVE Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup Final 7.30 Wild Spirits 8.00 LIVE: US Women’s Open 11.00 Golf Night 1.00am Golf: US Women’s Open 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Premier League Years 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Premier League Years 3.00 Live Davis Cup Tennis 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 WWE Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 10.00 Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup Final 11.30 Davis Cup Tennis 1.30am Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup Final 3.00 Close

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12.00pm Futurama 12.30 Harry Potter Special 1.00 The Real A & E (x2) 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama (x3) 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 House 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones (x2) 1.00 Road Wars (x2) 2.50 The Villa 3.45 Brainiac: History Abuse

7.00pm Formula 1: The German Grand Prix 8.00 LIVE: T: Lily Allen & Elbow 9.00 LIVE: T: Snow Patrol & Pet Shop Boys 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 American Dad! 10.45 LIVE: T: Blur & Keane 12.15am Can I Get High Legally? 1.15 Formula 1: The German Grand Prix 2.10 Personal Affairs 3.10 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways

7.00pm The Day Of The Triffids (x2) 8.00 Wainwright’s Walks 8.30 Fossil Detectives 9.00 Liz Smith’s Summer Cruise 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Liz Smith 11.00 Legends 12.00am George Melly’s Last Stand 1.00 Liz Smith’s Summer Cruise 2.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Liz Smith 3.00 Legends 5.30 Close

2.15pm FILM: Twins (1988) 4.20 Harry Potter: Behind The Magic 5.20 The Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008 6.20 FILM: Hulk (2002) 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 Katie Price Exclusive With Piers Morgan Uncut 11.00 FILM: Pretty Woman (1990) 1.25am The Xtra Factor: Best And Worst 2008

12.20pm Inspector Morse 2.20 Kavanagh QC 4.00 Wycliffe 5.15 FILM: Swallows And Amazons (1974) 7.00 The Best Of The Royal Variety 8.00 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 FILM: Clue (1985) 11.00 Torn 12.00am Nora Roberts: High Noon 1.45 The Wonder Years (x2) 2.35 Surgical Spirit (x2)

9.40am Beauty And The Geek 10.40 Desperate Housewives (x5) 3.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 4.00 Heartland (x2) 5.00 Heartland 5.55 Friends 6.30 Friends 7.00 Ugly Betty 8.00 One Tree Hill. See highlights. 9.00 Friends 9.30 Friends 10.00 FILM: Alien Resurrection (1997) 12.10am Big Brother: Live

12.10pm Scrapheap Challenge (x2) 2.20 Coach Trip (x5) 5.00 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Beyond River Cottage (x2) 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Revenge Of The Bin Men 11.10 Father Ted 11.45 The IT Crowd 12.15am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.55 Deal Or No Deal 1.45 The Secret Millionaire

10.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Passport Patrol (x10) 7.00 Four Weddings 8.00 Ghost Whisperer 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2)

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10.00am How Do They Do It? (x2) 11.00 How Stuff’s Made (x2) 12.00pm Destroyed In Seconds (x12) 6.00 Mythbusters (x3) 9.00 Treasure Quest 10.00 20th Anniversary: Viewers’ Top Five 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road 1.30 Crime Scene USA: Missing Persons Unit 2.00 Solved

12.00pm V: The Mini Series (x4) 4.00 Haunted Homes 5.10 Triangle 7.00 Knight Rider 8.00 Dollhouse 9.00 FILM: Mindhunters (2004) 11.00 Heroes (x2) 1.00 FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 3.00 Mysterious Ways 4.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4)

11.40am Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 1.20pm The Movie Geek 1.50 True Grit (1969) 4.00 Johnny Guitar (1954) 6.00 The Longest Day (1962) 9.00 True Grit (1969) 11.10 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 1.00am The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) 2.45 Torn Curtain (1966)

11.20am The Movie Geek 11.50 I’m Not There (2007) 2.10pm Juno (2007) 3.55 The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 5.55 Detroit Rock City (1999) 7.40 I’m Not There (2007) 10.00 Juno (2007) 11.40 The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 1.25am Cradle Will Rock (1999)

11.00am Doctor In Clover (1965) 1.00pm The Family Man (2000) 3.25 Gulliver’s Travels (1939) 5.00 The Fly (1958) 6.50 Bogus (1996) 9.00 A Good Year (2006) 11.15 15 Minutes (2001) 1.30am The Woodsman (2004) 3.20 Close

7.15am Protocol (1984) 8.50 The Boyfriend (1971) 11.25 Disorderlies (1987) 1.00pm Stop The World: I Want To Get Off! (1966) 3.00 Selena (1997) 5.25 The Screening Room 6.00 The Shoes Of The Fisherman (1968) 9.00 In Love And War (1996) 11.10 Mad Dog And Glory (1993) 1.05am In Love And War (1996)

3.00pm FILM: Oliver! (1968) 6.00 Blackadder Goes Forth 6.40 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 9.00 FILM: Dracula: Dead And Loving It 10.50 Only Fools And Horses 12.10am My Family 12.50 French And Saunders Christmas Special 1.40 New Adventures Of Old Christine 2.10 The Two Ronnies

12.00pm The King Of Queens (x18) 9.00 FILM: Caddyshack (1980) 11.00 Dara O’Briain Live At The Theatre Royal 12.20am Scrubs 12.50 Rules Of Engagement 1.20 The Office: An American Workplace 1.50 Comedy Store (x2) 2.50 The King Of Queens (x3)

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monday 13 Dispatches: The Children Britain Betrayed Channel 4, 8pm Results from a six-month investigation into the deaths of 160 children since 2004 have just come out and Peter Oborne is asking the hard questions. Looking closely at those investigated and talking to those who survived and the families of those who did not.

The Hotel Inspector Five, 9pm Sounds delightful – travel all over the place staying in hotels and telling them off with their tuneful thanks ringing in your ears. Not quite. Alex Polizzi is off to play family counsellor at the Edwardian Walpole Bay hotel in Margate. It’s heading down the pan due to the sniping and feuding. Time to play nicely.

Bionic Woman Sci Fi, 11pm The remake of the 1970s science fiction series starring our very own Zoe Slater – aka Michelle Ryan – only got a single series but it was fun while it lasted. Here’s a chance to revisit good times when Jaime accepts a mission to rescue an American doctor trapped in Paraguay. Real life, spy life – colliding time ahoy.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Trash To Cash 12.15pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 League Of Super Evil 4.05 Best Of Friends 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.35 LazyTown 8.00 Maya And Miguel 8.25 Stake Out 8.55 Mortified 9.20 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 9.40 Basil’s Game Show 10.10 What’s New ScoobyDoo? 10.30 The Owl 10.35 Beat The Boss 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 Castle In The Country 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Rowing: World Cup Highlights 2.00 Animal Park 2.30 Car Booty 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz. 6.30 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds Celebrities search for antique bargains. Like Worthers Originals –old and tasty! 7.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views. Jeremy Clarkson gets chased by the British Army in some of their latest and most deadly toys. Many, many volunteers for that job. 8.00 University Challenge Jeremy Paxman asks the questions as two teams of students battle it out. 8.30 What To Eat Now What To Eat Now. Loads of food! Burp. 9.00 The Supersizers Eat... The Twenties Restaurant critic Giles Coren and writer and comedian Sue Perkins discover the culinary delights of the bright young things in the 1920s. Chef for the week is food writer Allegra McEvedy, providing aspic inspired cookery. 10.00 How Not To Live Your Life Sitcom about 20-something Don, a man with bad luck and even worse instincts. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 The Wire Critically acclaimed drama series Brother Mouzone returns to Baltimore on a mission of revenge. 12.20am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 The Fuse

6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.05 Big Brother 9.10 Will And Grace 9.40 Will And Grace 10.05 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Desperate Housewives 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Life Begins Again 1.25 FILM: Doctor In Distress (1963) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Roary The Racing Car 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Mio Mao 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Mr. Men Show 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.15 FILM: Wild Hearts (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Charlie pays Angelo a late night visit. Midnight feast time? Yum! 6.30 Rough Guide To City Breaks Julia Bradury broadens her cultural education in Barcelona, while Toby Amies explores the old and the new in Krakow. Alright for some! 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 The Great London Jump: Robbie Maddison Special programme in which daredevil stuntman and motocross star Robbie Maddison attempts a spectacular feat in the heart of London. 8.00 Fifth Gear Tom investigates the possible effects of lowering the national speed limit, Jason puts the RenaultSport Clio 200 through its paces and Tiff turns medical courier for the day. 9.00 The Hotel Inspector See highlights. 10.00 FILM: The Juror (1996) Starring Demi Moore, Alec Baldwin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Heche. Psychological thriller about a woman who is coerced into encouraging her fellow jury members to acquit a powerful mobster. 12.20am America’s Toughest Prisons 1.25 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.20 Race And Rally UK 3.10 Motorsport Mundial 3.35 Rolex Grand Am 4.25 FIM Motocross World Championship 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Golf: US Women’s Open 12.00pm Golf Night 2.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 4.00 Where Are They Now? 4.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 10.00 Where Are They Now? 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Speedway: World Cup 2009 2.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Dom’s On The Case: The Risks On Our Roads Dominic Littlewood investigates road safety. 8.00 EastEnders Peggy lays down the law to Archie, while Syed interferes in Christian’s love life. 8.30 Panorama Current affairs. Panorama investigates whether the interrogation techniques used by the Bush administration after 9/11 broke US and international law. 9.00 The Street Return of the awardwinning drama series. When landlord of the Greyhound, Paddy Gargan, bars Callum Miller from his pub for smoking, he must face the wrath of Callum’s father - Thomas Miller, the local gangster. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Moving On When Sylvie is asked to cover for a colleague at work, she makes a decision that results in a terrifying situation. 11.20 FILM: The Shooting Party (1984) Starring James Mason, Edward Fox, John Gielgud. Drama in which a stately home is overrun for a weekend by the cream of society, as the clouds of war gather in 1913. 12.55am Weatherview 1.00 Sign Zone: The Supersizers Eat… 2.00 Taking The Flak 3.00 Heir Hunters 3.45 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Val suggests that Pollard find a job when he details the the extent of their financial trouble to her. There’s a novel idea! 7.30 Coronation Street Kevin returns - and has a devastating announcement for Molly. He’s growing his moustache back? 8.00 Airline Snow storms across Europe cause chaos for passengers flying out of Belfast, including a party of 43 school children who have been looking forward to a ski trip for 18 months. Tears before bedtime. 8.30 Coronation Street Kevin and Molly struggle with their emotions. 9.00 Monday Monday 10.00 News At Ten And Weather 10.35 FILM: Ali G Indahouse (2002) Starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Gambon, Charles Dance, Kellie Bright, Martin Freeman and Rhona Mitra. Outrageous comedy featuring selfstyled voice of youth Ali G. In an attempt to save Staines leisure centre, Ali is unexpectedly elected to Parliament, but he does not realise that he is part of an evil plan to overthrow the Prime Minister. Word. In readiness for Bruno’s release next week. 12.10am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.05 Tour De France 2009 2.00 Loose Women 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30News

6.00 The Simpsons Homer becomes the laughing stock of the town when a wild bear humiliates him. When he seeks a rematch, Homer bonds with the animal and tries to save its life. There’s a lesson to be learnt in there somewhere. Not sure where though. 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste is barely able to function through a lack of sleep, but an unsympathetic Cindy tells him he is sacked. The evil plan is coming together – hoo, hoo, haa, haa, haa! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: 8.00 Dispatches: The Children Britain Betrayed See highlights. 9.00 Inside Nature’s Giants Mark Evans presents a science series uncovering the anatomical secrets of some of the animal kingdom’s most extraordinary species. Experts in anatomy, evolution and behaviour dissect a crocodile and discover the cold-blooded predator possesses an intricate digestive system. 10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house. 11.10 Michael Jackson’s Last Days: What Really Happened Jacques Peretti investigates the story behind the final months of Michael Jackson’s life. 12.10am 4 Music: Dead Weather: 2.15 Green Day Live From Abbey Road 12.50 PokerStars.com 1.50 Big Brother: Live 4.00 FILM: The Way We Were (1973)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Cricket: The Ashes 2009 9.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Motor Racing: Indy Car Series 12.30pm Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup Final 2.00 Golf: US Women’s Open 5.00 Golf Night 7.00 LIVE: Speedway World Cup 10.00 Poker: PCA High Rollers Event 11.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Test Cricket 2.00 Poker: PCA High Rollers Event 3.00 Spruce Meadows 4.00 British Rally Championship 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am WWE The Bottom Line 9.00 Rugby League: Northern Rail Cup Final 10.30 Ocean Adventures 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Davis Cup Tennis 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Motor Racing: Indy Car Series 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 LIVE: Winning Post 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

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11.00am Stargate SG-1 12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Top Design 2.00 Lost 3.00 Bones 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.00 Oops TV (x2) 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 The Real Full Monty 10.30 Road Wars (x2) 12.30am Ross Kemp On Gangs 1.30 Road Wars 2.25 Airline

7.00pm T: The Killers & The Best Of The Rest 8.00 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 9.00 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Little Britain 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 12.50am How Not To Live Your Life 1.20 Personal Affairs 2.20 The Real Hustle On Holiday

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Liz Smith’s Summer Cruise 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Wallander 10.30 Who Is Kurt Wallander? 11.30 Beryl’s Last Year 12.30am Only Connect 1.00 Who Is Kurt Wallander? 2.00 Beryl’s Last Year 3.00 Liz Smith’s Summer Cruise 5.30 Close

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes 7.45 Creature Comforts 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 FILM: Wimbledon (2004) 11.05 Coronation Street (x2) 12.05am Celebrity Juice (x2)

2.00pm Upstairs, Downstairs 3.05 Wycliffe 4.10 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Vanity Dies Hard 5.20 Rising Damp 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Carry On Laughing 8.00 Wild At Heart 9.00 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers 10.00 Clocking Off 11.15 The Lakes 12.20am Wycliffe

2.00pm Big Brother 3.00 Desperate Housewives 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.25 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Shameless 11.05 FILM: Alien Resurrection (1997) 1.10am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 Michael Jackson’s Last Days: What Really Happened 9.30 Property Snakes And Ladders 10.35 Relocation, Relocation 11.40 Grand Designs 12.45am Property Snakes And Ladders

11.55am Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 LA Law 3.00 Criminal Minds 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Will And Grace 8.00 Make Me A Supermodel US 9.00 Four Weddings 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 12.00am Criminal Minds 1.00 Charmed

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3.30pm Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 Chop Shop: London Garage 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Time Warp 9.30 Time Warp 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am Most Evil

8.00am Teleshopping 11.00 Thunderbirds (x5) 4.20 FILM: Past Tense (2006) 6.10 Triangle (x2) 10.00 My Own Worst Enemy 11.00 Bionic Woman. See highlights. 12.00am FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Mysterious Ways 4.00 Angel 5.00 Jericho

12.40pm Daddy Long Legs (1955) 2.50 The Man In The Gray Flannel Suit (1956) 5.25 The Lost Weekend (1945) 7.10 Desk Set (1957) 9.00 What A Way To Go! (1964) 10.55 Seven Days In May (1964) 1.00am Arabesque (1966) 2.50 The Man In The Gray Flannel Suit (1956)

11.00am Earth (1998) 1.00pm Water (2005) 3.00 Love Me If You Dare (2003) 4.40 Days Of Glory (2005) 6.50 The Movie Geek 7.20 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 10.00 Assembly (2007) 12.05am Crash (1996) 1.50 Fire (1996) 3.45 Hana-Bi (1997)

11.00am Innocents In Paris (1953) 12.45pm Carrington VC (1954) 2.50 Green For Danger (1946) 4.40 The Triumph Of Love (2002) 6.50 Star Trek: Nemesis (2001) 9.00 Keeping Mum (2005) 11.00 Chinatown (1974) 1.35am She’s The One (1996) 3.30 Close

9.55am The Shoes Of The Fisherman (1968) 1.00pm The Bramble Bush (1960) 3.00 The Stalking Moon (1969) 5.05 None But The Brave (1965) 7.10 The Big Trees (1952) 9.00 Fame (1980) 11.30 The Rise And Rise Of Michael Rimmer (1970) 1.25am Fame (1980) 3.45 Freaks (1932) 5.00 The Bramble Bush (1960)

4.20pm My Family 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 7.40 Yes, Minister 8.20 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 10.20 Harry Enfield And Chums 11.00 Only Fools And Horses 12.20am Early Doors 1.00 Harry Enfield And Chums 1.40 The Two Ronnies

4.00pm Everybody Hates Chris (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Frasier (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

Classics

Indie


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