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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk
★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 15 – 21 September 2009
Art masters The finest contemporary artists showcased at the Saffron Art Gallery page 16
FREE WEEKLY
Barry Humphries Dame Edna Everage returns to the stage Gina McKee The Sussex actor on being spotted naked Tim Minchin Magners Comedy Festival kicks off
WIN!
Speech Debelle tickets p6
DINING DEALS
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Oriental buffet – eat as much as you like With over 50 items for lunch and 70 items for dinner including seafood, aromatic crispy duck, Japanese sushi, teppanyaki and fruit ice cream. Lunch from: £5.99 Dinner from: £8.99 Buy one get one free soft drinks & Sun Lik Beer (until 30 sept, evenings only)
18-19 York Place Brighton BN1 4GU Tel: 01273 698 606
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Contents ★ latest upfront 5–10 5 City Speak Seann heralds the autumn and Will asks whether age matters in love
6 Social Diary The launch of the Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival
Welcome “A
09
16 Cover feature Contemporary art gallery Saffron
17 Health & Beauty Cosmetic dentistry at Bright On Smiles
★ latest listings 19–35 19 Stage
6 Competitions Win tickets to see Mercury Prize winner Speech Debelle
Barry Humphries on bringing Dame Edna back to the British stage
20 Film
7 Dani
New Sam Mendes flick Away We Go previews at the Odeon
Lightbulbs and dog poop
7 Snap Shots
21 Comedy
Arthur Brown
Tim Minchin opens the Magners Comedy Festival
8 Bare Cheek The latest celebrity gossip with… Foghorn Leghorn
22 Music Songwriter Kate Walsh on her new LP
The stars are in a friendly mood
Latest Brighton Download Chart
9 Celebcity Where to buy one of Nick Cave’s suits
10 7 Days Of Headlines
TOP
8 Astral Angi
30 11
24 Clubs Where to drink and dance this week
Phil Mills digests the week’s news
★ latest lifestyle 11–18
24 Gay Drag King nights, gay tango and everything in between
26 Events
11 The Interview Sussex actor Gina McKee stars in Separate Tables in Chichester
A party for puppies at Brighton Racecourse
26 Art
12 Hotlist 20 great restaurants and coffee shops
13 Food & Drink Thai restaurant Sawadee reviewed
14 Dining Deals Your monthly spread of money-off restaurant vouchers
Modern Toss; an exhibition of turntables
27 Reviews Our verdict on the latest local shows
28 TV Seven-day guide to what’s on the box
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13
s long as I win I’m happy!” Speech Debelle told us just before scooping the 2009 Mercury Prize last Tuesday. You can read our interview with jazz-hop’s fantastically gobby new queen in the coming weeks. Right now we’re giving away two pairs of tickets to her upcoming Brighton show, which is set to be a celebratory – and unusually intimate – occasion. Turn to p6 for a chance to win. From Our Friends In The North via Notting Hill to her recent, witheringly witty turn in In The Loop, I’ve always been a wee bit mesmerised by actor Gina McKee. So it was a pleasure to chat to her for the first instalment of our new weekly interview page (p11) and to discover that she’s now happily ensconced in East Sussex. Currently tackling two roles a night at Chichester Festival Theatre, she talks about being recognised at the swimming pool, and what’s really going on beneath that trademark tranquil exterior. In fact, we’re spoilt for good conversation this week, as Andrew Kay catches up with old pal Barry Humphries to get the lowdown on Dame Edna’s new stage show (p19); and Victoria Nangle talks to musical comedian Tim Minchin (p21). As he prepares to bookend the Magners Comedy Festival with two shows at the Dome Concert Hall, the songsmith-cum-stand-up explains why he’s banned his daughter from coming to his shows. Meanwhile Brighton photographer Diana Frangi, in our new portraits series Snap Shots, turns her camera on Arthur Brown – sometime God Of Hellfire, now just as likely to be found eating Yorkshire pud at Bom-Bane’s (p7).
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01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith
Production Editor Victoria Nangle
Business Director Angi Mariani
Editor Bella Todd
Creative Director Andrew Kay
Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker
Production Director Fiona McTernan
Music Editor Jeff Hemmings
Finance Manager Sharon Caple
Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell
Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive
Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi
Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle Dani Winch
Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor
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Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless
Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O’Donoghue
Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH
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Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance? Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk
000_LS441_Dymanic Yoga
9/9/09
3:21 PM
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NOW WITH VIRTUAL STUDIO TOUR
www.dynamicyoga.tv The studio incorporates a fantastic new ‘state of the art’ fresh oxygenated heating ventilation system.
Class duration: 90 minutes
Stuart offers a completely unique style of yoga. “My yoga is not just mechanical yoga, it is based on aligning your mind and spine with this magnificent universe.”
7 Video testimonals on the website.
005_LS441 Seann/Will
9/9/09
1:58 PM
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CITY SPEAK 05
Seann utumn is moving in. However warm it gets, however pleasant the afternoon, the breezes are chilly, it’s getting darker earlier and the nights are cold. I spent August drinking through the chaos of the Edinburgh Festival, which, being in Scotland, provides good preparation for this. The Scottish seasons operate differently to our genteel southern system. Autumn sets up early. It rests for the start of August, begins to exert its authority in the middle and is fully operational by the end. It needs to be punctual so as not to be outshone by winter, which belongs north of Berwick. Winter owns Scotland. It makes sense there. The cold is so harsh, so intense, as to be visible. It suits the austere, dramatic countryside and the old cobbled streets when their thickly-garbed inhabitants are breathing steam. Winter, in Scotland, lasts for approximately six months. Spring is a brief respite before summer, which occurs over a weekend in late July, punctuated by five-minute spells of thick, heavy rain to remind you of where you are. One day in Scotland in the summer months can produce the full range of meteorological phenomena available in
A
Seann Walsh waves farewell to the summer
“Autumn is a good setting for a particular type of self-indulgent introspection”
this hemisphere. Brilliant sunshine can give way to biblical rainfall without warning. A fierce gust of wind can turn up for five seconds, as if the gods wanted specifically to knock over a single chair, before returning the sun. It’s a year’s worth of weather in fast forward. Then, someone presses pause during a cold and rainy spell, and leaves it that way for eleven months. A Scottish summer will ease you in to any country’s September. I like autumn. There’s something filmic about clear white skies and crumpled brown leaves. It’s a good setting for a particular type of self-indulgent introspection that might seem off-colour in warmer seasons. I can walk through a park listening to Nick Drake, pondering life’s intricate difficulties, and somehow find optimism among the gloom. This is where it differs from January: whatever happens now, there is always a new year on the way, an abitrary window of hope. Autumn is the season of crisp, clean air, whisky, ale, gentle rain, Sunday roasts, staying at home. There’s nothing bad in that list. And if, at any point, it gets too cold, I will tell myself this: it’s colder in Scotland.
Photo: Zhongde Liu
Will ind the gap!” booms the recorded voice one final time before the tube doors hiss shut. Inside the carriage, E – my date for the evening – presses his hand against the window and smiles. “Text me and let me know you got home ok,” I mouth through the glass. “Alright, mum”, he mouths back, still grinning like a schoolkid as the train pulls away. An empty crisp packet blows along the platform. The recorded voice may have fallen silent but the words come just the same. Mind the gap. You see, E, who I’ve been dating for getting on for a month, is 21-years-old. I am 26, and while five years may not seem a huge evolutionary leap (we have, after all, been sharing a planet with Joan Collins’ love life for the best part of sixty years), a lot can happen in half a decade. But then mathematics is a cruel mistress. Whenever I see a couple with a significant age gap, I bet I’m not the only one who automatically does the sums. Take Gary Lineker and Danielle Bux: happily married now, but run it through the mental calculator and hadn’t he already been signed to Leicester City for two
Will Harris does the sums on age-gap relationships
“M
Photo: Timo Steenvoorden
“I’ve always implemented a strict rule – if I can remember the year they were born, they’re too young for me”
seasons when she was born? Likewise, Barbara Windsor and her husband are a lovely couple, but in the ‘60s, when she was running around town with a Kray and her bra pinging off left, right, and centre, wasn’t he basically a zygote? And Madonna. Oh, Madonna. Her current squeeze, Jesus Luz, was born in 1988, when she was 30-years-old. That’s right; when the Material Girl released ‘Sex’, his parents were still having it. When it comes to a dating age-range, I’ve always implemented a strict rule: if I can remember the year they were born, they’re too young for me. As the earliest year I recall with any clarity is 1989 (thanks largely to Cher’s seminal music video for ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’), E is about as low as I’ll go. And yes, I’ll admit the thought of him crawling around in Pampers while Cher was getting nasty with the gun turret of the USS Missouri does unnerve me. But does it worry me enough to let cold, hard numbers play a factor in who I date? Of course not. If you let mental arithmetic govern your love life, you really are mental. Age is just a number. So’s 69. For now at least, I don’t mind the gap. www.twitter.com/william_tells
For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk
006_LS441_Social Diary/Comps
9/11/09
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06 LATEST DIARY | COMPETITIONS
Latest diary
Roberto Germain, Chris Ellison
Tim Richardson snaps the launch of a food festival and a rock-opera Sydney Rae-White (plays ‘The Girl’), Jimmy O’Donnell (plays ‘Jimmy Romantic’ in Quadrophenia)
Food glorious food Featuring such sights as a croupier dressed as a pepper, The Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival launched at The Grosvenor Casino in Hove on 3 September and runs until 27 September. Over 50,000 people enjoyed the foodie events last year and the 2009 festival is proving even bigger and better. For more information visit www.brightonfoodfestival.co.uk Scott Marshall (BHCC), Madam Mayor Ann Norman, Paula Seager (Natural PR Ltd), Maddy Carr (World Food Market)
Rachel Lampen (Rachel Lampen PR), Rosario Guarneri (The Arrogant Frog), Charlie Fleming
Bob Hoad (Heart), Hilary Knight (A Taste of Sussex)
Pietro Addis, Georgio Addis, Massimo Maccioco
Ticket to ride
Madam Mayor Ann Norman, Roger Marlowe (Festival Chair. Brighton & Hove Food and Drink Festival)
Laura Winter, Louise Clasby (Mayo Wynne Baxter)
A MONTH OF THURSDAY NIGHT LAUGHS AT KOMEDIA
WIN!
Thursday nights are comedy central at Komedia and this week we’re offering you and a partner the chance to enjoy them for free for the month of October. One lucky winner will get a pair of tickets to each of these shows: Tag Comedy (four Krater comics with no running order and no set list), Old Rope (new material from some of the best UK comedians hosted by if.comedy winner Phil Nichol and Tiffany Stevenson), Comic Boom (headed up by Hal Cruttenden) and a one-off show from top comic Terry Alderton. That’s eight free tickets! Q What is the name of Komedia’s weekend comedy club?
Pete Townshend’s legendary rock opera Quadrophenia has been brought to the stage for the first time for a six month tour of the UK. Local scooter clubs rode out from in front of the Theatre Royal Brighton on the first day of the month to celebrate the arrival of the show.
TICKETS TO SEE MERCURY PRIZE-WINNER SPEECH DEBELLE Last Tuesday south Londoner Speech Debelle won the Mercury Prize for her debut album, ‘Speech Therapy’ – the first victory for a hip hop artist since Dizzee Rascal scooped the title in 2002. In what’s now set to be an extremely rare intimate date, the 26 year old plays Brighton Coalition on 8 October, and we have two pairs of tickets for the show to give away. Q What is Speech Debelle’s real name?
For a chance to win, email:
competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 28 September
007_LS441_Dani/Snap Shots
9/11/09
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DEFINITELY DANI 07
Dani inally, 100 watt incandescent light bulbs have been banned. Hurrah! Now all that is left are all the other incandescent light bulbs. I don’t, however, think they will be phased out quite as easily: already a number of people have complained because they don’t like the light given off by energy efficient light bulbs. Really? Are you serious? These are obviously the people who could not be swayed at the idea of saving £40 a year if they switched to energy efficient light bulbs. I can’t believe we have to use money to convince people to change their habits, as if the destruction of the planet isn’t quite a big enough deal. So we can’t buy 100 watt light bulbs. It should be something to feel excited and happy about
F
Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk
Dani won’t rage against the dying of the 100 watt light
“I can’t believe we have to use money to convince people to change – as if the destruction of the planet wasn’t a big enough deal” but as always it is tainted by a few people who either can’t understand the reason for it or just don’t care. Hollywood blockbusters have done their bit to try and change people’s minds. But images of world destruction, mass floods, typhoons and hurricanes are left behind in the cinema as the public skip out and into their
4x4s (I think you should have to prove that you need one of those gas-guzzling beasts in order to buy one). Al Gore couldn’t sway us with his insightful and shocking documentary, real images and facts didn’t sink in – so what will it take? Perhaps the fact that anything ‘green’ just appears to be so much more expensive doesn’t help? In reality I think
only a small percentage of people genuinely don’t care. Instead I think a large number are so consumed with their daily grind they don’t have the chance to stop worrying about bills/kids/mortgage/job to think about the environment. At least the phasing out of 100 watt light bulbs is a step in the right direction – I only fear it’s too little too late!
Pooper blooper This little bit is dedicated to the woman who let her dog poo (twice) on a nice little grassy area at Seven Dials, and left it there. She clearly knew she was doing something wrong because, as soon as she noticed her dog was doing his circling preparations, she wandered off across a main road and just called him from there. Did she think all those people staring at her hadn’t noticed? People shouldn’t own a dog if they’re not prepared to pick up its poo.
Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city
“
My favourite evenings in Brighton are spent eating Moroccan food with a side dish of Yorkshire pudding at the Bom-Bane’s while listening to Nick play the violin and his partner Jane accompanying herself on the harmonium. Perfect! My other favourite place is the Royal Pavilion – I love the carpet in the music room
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God Of Hellfire (and Lewes resident) Arthur Brown mugs it up before another unpredictable musical evening at Bom-Bane’s cafe in Kemp Town, with fellow musician Nick Pynn.
9/10/09
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08 ONLY JOKING!
Bare cheek
In & Out Special things mentioned in tongue twisters edition
Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
Spotted! …with Foghorn Leghorn
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Astral Angi This week, Astral helps you to help others
In
Popular culture primer No. 26 – Top Of The Pops Originally titled The Popular Beat Music Show For Young Adults Aged 13 to 25, Top Of The Pops was created by producer Johnnie Stewart and broadcast on the BBC between 1964 and 2006. Its many presenters
Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!
• Pickled peppers • The Leith Police • The pheasant plucker’s son • The sixth sick Sheik • The yellow lorry
Out • Sea shells • The ragged rascal • A wood chuck experience • The sheet I slit • The red lorry
isten son, I say listen son – leaving yon general store I spotted, I say I spotted Jilly Cooper. Come here boy – I say, I say boy, come here. You’ve the look of a green ear of corn. That’s a joke, I say that’s a joke, son. Lookee over there, on the pier, it’s Adrian Chiles, I say Adrian Chiles. Surely you recognise Adrian Chiles, don’t you son? You pay attention to me, boy. You might larn something. I say, look here son. I say, put down that gun there son. That ain’t no way to handle a firearm. It takes years of practice, I say, years of practice. Somebody might get thereselves hurt. [Gets shot in face, blackening head like minstrel]. Now, you give that here. Well now – who do you suppose is staying at the Grand, son? David Dimbleby, son. Put down that book while I'm talking to you. I’m gonna teach, I say I’m gonna teach you to be a man, son. [Runs up to that dog and beats him on the backside with a length of wood, thereupon swiftly retreating to distance beyond reach of said dog's tether]. Fearne Cotton in Pavilion Gardens, by my livin’ soul! Camptown racetrack, five miles long, do dah, do dah – I say what kept you, I say, what kept you son? Punctuality is the thief of time. Why, I do declare – if it ain’t none other than Alisha Dixon acomin’ out of Thorntons! Now put that rifle there down again boy. I say – put that gun... [Gets shot in the backside, leaving a patch of bare, stubbled skin where his tail feathers should be]... Squawk!
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included Jimmy Saville, Dave Lee Travis, John Peel, David ‘Kid‘ Jensen, Mike Read, Andy Crane, Jo Wiley, Phill Jupitus, Bruno Brookes, Terry Nutkins, and (controversially) Jeffrey Dahmer. The show was axed in 2006 following an incident in which guest host Tommy Vance urinated on a box of Milk Tray, simultaneously breaking the BBC’s rules on obscenity and advertising. Notable performances included The Beatles doing ‘Get Back’ dressed as the Marx Brothers in 1970, and The Spice Girls’ recital of their 1998 number-one ‘Viva Forever’ from inside a septic tank.
BARDSLEY’S
WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN
01273 681256
ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)
CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)
LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)
Arians this week should be seeking ways to help others and stop think about themselves. Do a good deed each day and go to bed trying not to feel smug.
Cancerians impervious nature lends itself to isolation. Do not attempt to help or be nice to anyone this week, simply stay at home and avoid causing any trouble.
Librans like all things to be in balance, give to one and you have to give to another. This can mean that you give nothing for fear of upsetting that balance. Llighten up.
CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19). Capricorns once fired by an idea will see it through to completion. This week I charge you to go out and raise money for a worthy cause – like the Astral Angi Retirement Fund.
TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)
LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)
SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)
AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)
Taureans could do with a taste of the same medicine. Why not pop round to the neighbours while they are out and do a spot of dusting. Be careful not to break any china though.
Leos like to pretend to be roughtietoughtie, but you’re all pussycats at heart. This week you should allow this side of your nature to surface. Stand on your partner and pad up and down.
Scorpios feel little shame as they plough their furrow through life’s grimy maze. Well it’s time to be nice Scorpio so put on a happy face, go out and by a beggar a pork pie.
Aquarians live their lives trying to be nice to one and other. So much so that nit can start to grate. Why not for one week try to tone all this jollity down, just a touch. Thanks!
GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)
VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)
SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)
PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)
Geminis tendency to split personality disorders mean that you can start to be nicer to you alter egos this week. Oh no you can’t. Oh yes you can. Oh no you can’t. Oh yes you can.
Virgos should avoid trying to influence others and indoctrinate them into their own pure ways. Instead go out and get a little tipsy, you will soon see how popular you can really be.
For Sagis niceness is de rigeur, in fact it’s almost de rigeur mortis. Now nice is, well, nice is nice but there has to be a limit. Think carefully before sharing those custard creams.
Pisceans love to share and love to care. Caring and sharing is in their blood, which is why they love to dine at Bardsley’s just like me. Now hands off my mushy peas, they’re mine.
009_LS441_celebcity
9/10/09
2:35 PM
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AROUND TOWN 09
sponsored by
Celebcity
Own a piece of Nick Cave’s wardrobe
with Jo Brooks
Rock goddess scouts for a house, Nick Cave is a good Samaritan, and Katie and Peter finally divorce
Courtney loves Hove f you thought Hove already had its fill of iconic musicians, think again – it looks like a bona fide rock goddess might now be queuing at the Town Tall to obtain a parking permit. According to her Twitter post, singer, actress and general legend Courtney Love might be making Hove one of her (several) homes. The former wife of the late Kurt Cobain, has spotted a local property she likes, posting “OOOH, I love Hove, I love Sussex, this house is too fantastical and I can’t take my eyes of it.“ Courtney, who had one daughter, Frances Bean, by Cobain, won't be short of friends if she does make the move, especially after an infamous but brief affair with comic Steve Coogan, who also has offices and a house in the city. Courtney met Steve while filming Night At The Museum in Los Angeles alongside fellow actor Owen Wilson. Some wild nights of partying led to their encounter as well as – according to press reports at the time – the drug abuse of actor Owen Wilson. Also popping by for a cup of sugar could be Hovebased music writer and long-time friend of Kurt Steve and Courtney, Everett True. Back in the day, Coogan Everett was editor of weekly music mag Melody Maker and the first UK journalist to write about the Seattle phenomenon that was Nirvana. Everett fast became bezzie mates with the band and, of course, Courtney, as Nirvana quickly became one of the biggest bands in the world. Celebcity will keep a close eye on this story!
I
Talking of Hove residents, Nick Cave may be prized for his skills as a songwriter, screenwriter and novelist, but in recent years he’s been almost as admired for his taste in tailoring. Snazzy, skin-tight three-pieces are the order of the day on stage when he performs with his band The Bad Seeds. And now you could own your very own slice of the Cave wardrobe. Last Thursday saw the opening of Brighton and Hove’s Samaritans boutique in George Street to mark World Suicide Prevention Day. But it’s no ordinary charity shop. Among the rails you’ll find four tailored suits and one jacket donated by the singer himself. Other local celebrities who’ve come up with the goods include actor Steven Berkoff, while celebrity cook, broadcaster and author (of a whopping 170 cookbooks) Marguerite Patten has donated a signed copy of her last cookbook. Shop manager Sarah Cutting says the money raised will go to help fund a centre in Hove. Get in there quick at the Samaritans Boutique, 70 George Street, Hove, 01273 711254.
Katie and Peter’s quickie in court So after a bitter four months of public media squabbling, the UK’s most talked about celeb couple are finally divorced. Katie Price and Peter Andre made their split official last Tuesday, without a fight or cross word in sight, in a hearing that took only 42 seconds. With the financials and custody of both kids already sorted, the quickie divorce was granted without a hitch. Sad really!
Spotted! Ex-EastEnder Natalie Cassidy (soon to be seen in the new series of Strictly Come Dancing) queuing in M&S at Brighton Station – attack of the munchies, Nat?
NEXT WEEK IN LATEST 7… Which multi award-winning (and man crush-provoking) British actor is also checking out houses in the city? Ah stuff it, we’ll tell you now. Paddy Consadine, star of The Bourne Ultimatum and Dead Man’s Shoes, has revealed that he’s looking to move his family to his old university city. Read more in Latest 7’s exclusive interview with the new Cine City patron next week.
Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com
10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of November 2009 excluding Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers
010_LS441_newsphil/Council
9/9/09
5:22 PM
Page 2
10 LATEST NEWS
L7NEWS
7
days of headlines with Phil Mills
Vicar comes to the rescue, the council’s socialnetworking backfires, murderer gets cosmetic surgery and 99-year-old Olive swears by oil ngels are flying high this week as retired nurses facing losing their homes draw closer to seeing their future secured – thanks to a local church. The pensioners, many in their 70s and 80s, have spent the past two years worrying after being told they’d have to move from their John Howard Cottages in Roedean Road, Brighton. The Royal College of Nursing said it could no longer afford to maintain them – but it would help the tenants move. I can report that the Charity Commission has given its blessing to the trusteeship being transferred to the Parochial Church Council through Rev Andrew MansonBrailsford, the vicar of the nearby St George’s Church, who stepped in after hearing of the nurses’ plight.
A
Support network Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on new mental health services ental health issues touch a remarkable number of us in some way but often we feel unable to talk about the subject because of the taboos that surround it. As a result, mental health treatment is often seen as somewhat of a cinderella service. Children with mental health needs can feel particularly isolated as they cope with the multiple stresses of growing up. This week, I want to tell you how the council is hoping to provide for this vulnerable section of our community.
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“One in ten suffer from emotional or mental distress” On 1 September, we introduced four new services that will provide a faster and easier route into support for the 2,000 or so children and young people in the city that need help. The new Children and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) provides a new single contact point,
Long-time tenant, Rita Jackson, said: “We were facing eviction and seeing these beautiful cottages bulldozed – but now they and we are saved, thanks to the vicar.” It wasn’t such good news for Brighton and Hove city taxpayers, especially the jobless and those clinging to employment, when they spotted the council advertising for a Twitter/Facebook/MySpace media officer with a salary of up to £28,000. Online networks may be the future when it comes to selling the city but as opposition councillors rightly asked, was now the right time? Even insiders were embarrassed with one saying: “This was a case of Twitter by name, Twit by nature.” And talking of Topsy Turvy land, there was outrage when the High Court ruled to allow prison inmate Denis Roberts to have a birthmark removed through cosmetic surgery because he felt humiliated. Ah, bless. Shame he didn’t show such sensitivity towards pensioners Iris and Stephen Hadler. They were in their bed at their home in Newhaven when he broke in and stabbed them to death in 1989. Roberts, who – yes, you guessed it – will have the operation paid for by taxpayers, won his argument with the help of European human rights legislation. Is it any wonder the EC gets a bad Press? Back to good news and retired nurses ... congratulations to Olive Cresswell who celebrated her 99th birthday last Wednesday – the date being 09/09/09 – and, according to her grandson Dan, the last single digit date for the next 1001 years. Olive, a former nurse living in a nursing home in Bexhill, is in prime health – she is on no prescription drugs and swears by daily doses of cod liver oil and garlic. She says: “I’d like everybody to do for others what they would like done for themselves. As for me, I’d like a cup of tea and, oh yes, a chocolate biscuit please.”
replacing the previous process involving multiple access points. This will make accessing support easier and faster for schools, parents, GPs and other professionals. A new Urgent Help Team is also being established for children and young people in crisis and needing intensive support. This will complement the preventative work of the Bridging the Gap service, where specialist workers called Teen to Adult Personal Advisors offer support closer to where young people spend their time, being based at youth hubs across the city. They will offer help and advice to youth workers and others who support young people,
as well as the young people themselves. Access to services for children in care, including fostered or adopted children, has also been improved with assessments now made within four weeks. I’m confident that these new services will provide streamlined support to some of our most vulnerable young people as quickly as possible. With one in ten suffering from emotional or mental distress I believe that the need for these services is compelling. You can get more information about CAMHS from the Council’s website – www.brightonhove.gov.uk or the single contact point – 01273 372 221.
011_LS441_The Interview
9/11/09
12:56 PM
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THE INTERVIEW 11
A rare creature Actor and East Sussex resident Gina McKee talks to Bella Todd about the truth behind that ‘sphinx-like’ exterior f Gina McKee has a greater than average reticence when it comes to discussing her private life, she could easily claim to have a greater than average excuse. Like most actors, the first apprehension of her own fame came when she was recognised by a member of the public while going about her daily business. Rather atypically, she was stark blooming naked at the time. “I was in the showers in our municipal swimming pool in Highbury Fields,” she recalls, “and this woman came running in saying, ‘have you been on the telly?’ So I stood there, naked, with suds running down my face from my hair, and I said, ‘I have actually, yeah’, and she said, ‘Oh good, then I’ve just won a bet.’ “The worst thing, though, was she then took a step back and just looked me up and down, very, very slowly. And that’s when I felt, ‘this is the weirdest thing, I don’t know how to deal with this’.” Someone else might have at least asked for a cut of the bet. But Gina, who’s now happily resident in East Sussex and making her Chichester Festival Theatre (CFT) debut, is all grace. A tall alabaster beauty from a coal mining family whose voice is still softened by County Durham vowels, she is a curious combination of warmth and reserve, swerving questions about her homelife with the elegance of a swallow. So it’s no surprise she’s carved a career out of making pale creatures interesting. Her performances are at once modest and magnetic. She is also the only female actor of her generation ever to be described with regularity as ‘sphinx-like’ – although those who know her well, she laughs, would find this “amusing – if not hilarious”. Having won three Best Actress awards while starring alongside Christopher Eccleston and Daniel Craig in Peter Flannery’s landmark ‘90s TV series Our Friends In The North, Gina further made her name as the aloof beauty Irene Forsyte – costume drama’s most famous rape victim – in the 2002 remake of The Forsyte Saga. Elsewhere she has made subtley mesmeric figures out of the quietly devoted nurse in Stephen Poliakoff’s royal drama The Lost Prince and Hugh Grant’s wheelchair-bound ex in Notting Hill, or as Kenneth Branagh’s terminally ill wife in the Donmar’s recent production of Ivanov. Earlier this year, she translated emotional remoteness into smooth cynicism to play a jaded civil servant in Armando Iannucci’s brilliant political satire In The Loop. “In The Loop was like a shot in the arm,” she says. “Everybody else from the English cast had worked with Armando and his improvisation methods before on The Thick Of It, so on my first day, when we had a little rehearsal, I felt more like the new girl than I’d ever done before. But they were very welcoming, and so funny. Chris Addison made me giggle like a little child.” With her latest project, Gina is on more familiar turf. For the last
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“Sometimes all you want to do is scream and shout and roll around on the floor like a toddler in a strop”
three years she and her husband of two decades, Kez Cary, have lived in a village in East Sussex, where she spends her time off walking the beaches and the Downs and making her own jewellery. Now she is working at the nearby CFT, where she has just opened in Philip Franks’ production of Terence Rattigan’s ‘50s hotel drama, Separate Tables. Proving her versatility, Gina will play two very different characters. Ann Shankland, an aging Mayfair model (played in the 1958 film by Hollywood bombshell Rita Hayworth), arrives at the Beauregard Private Hotel in Bournemouth in pursuit of her alcoholic ex-husband. Sibyl RailtonBell, meanwhile, is a plain, nervous woman, under the cosh of her domineering mother, who has a secret crush on another of the guests. Both are in a way, Gina says, “rare creatures.“ Just as Gina’s past caginess with the press has had the adverse effect of attracting attention, it is the surface stillness of her performances that fixes your eye. Acting, for her, is about “trusting the audience’s intelligence” rather than making big shapes. But we wonder if she is as controlled with her emotions off stage? “Well, I think one of the interesting things about control is it’s often linked to a threat or a fear of losing control of emotions,” she says slowly, measuring each word. “So many times in our lives we’re forced or feel like we ought to behave in certain ways when actually all you want to do is scream and shout and roll around on the floor like a toddler in a strop. Or, you know, you just want to cry and cry and keep crying until you exhaust yourself. “That’s the key to it. It’s often what’s rumbling away underneath that informs the surface calm.” Separate Tables, Chichester Festival Theatre, until Saturday 3 October. Tickets £10–£33, tel: 01243 781312.
012_LS441_Hotlist
9/10/09
12:28 PM
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12 HOT LIST Chimney House
latest hot
LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS
Restaurants American JB’s Diner JB’s Diner is a quirky and cool nod to the classic American Diner, from the ‘50s rock’n’roll and the retro dining booths to the stars ‘n’ stripes flying proud as you eat your way through their delicious USA themed menu. The burgers are generous, fresh, tasty and available in many different varieties, the Texan BBQ and ‘Across The Border’ Mexican being firm favourites. Other top sellers include the foot-long hotdogs and rack of ribs. Add a thick dairy ice-cream shake in many flavours (including Oreo!) and we have an American diner perfect for kids and adults alike, looking out onto the very British Brighton beach. 31 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NR, 01273 771776, www.jbsdiner.co.uk
British & modern European 9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit, they do the best chips ever tasted and appear to have already acquired several celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk
Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256
Barney’s Sample the new menu – available until closing time seven days a week! Mainline draught beers/bottles and branded spirts for £1.99, plus fantastic cocktails only £2.99. With sixty seats outside, this is the perfect place to eat, meet and socialise in the sunshine. 102-106 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 1FA, 01273 720058 Barneys@home home delivery service starting soon!
With a stylish, cosy interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu includes locallycaught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a light lunch and glass of wine or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708, www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk
The Dorset A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best peoplewatching spot in town. This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of home-cooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish. Their Bloody Marys are very popular too! 28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423
Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059
Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk
The Restaurant At Drakes Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Awarded two coveted AA Rosettes through the skills and talents of head chef Andrew MacKenzie, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two-course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people. The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com
Chinese
downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk
French The Arrogant Frog Brasserie This beautiful seafront restaurant serves French and European food at affordable prices. The menu includes a full à la carte, £10 two-course menu and daily specials. Also live music nights and happy hour cocktails between 5 and 7pm. Bring your Odeon cinema ticket receipt for a 10% discount any day and enjoy pasta and a pint for only £6.99 on Orange Wednesdays. From 5–7pm Mondays to Thursdays, receive a free bottle of house wine when two people dine from the £10 menu. On Fridays to Sundays, a free bottle of house wine for every two diners taking two courses each from the à la carte menu. 64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA, 01273 721488, reservations@thearrogantfrog.com
Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. There’re also beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412
New Steine Bistro This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £10.50 for two courses, £12.50 for three courses, Sunday to Thursday, and £14.50 for two courses, £16.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm. 10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/ restaurant.asp
L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk
Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start
Indian Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own
distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk
The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk
Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk
Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature setprice boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk
Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes and sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!” 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com
Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819
To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest hot list call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105
013_LS441_food
9/10/09
10:06 AM
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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 13
Food & drink Andrew Kay is salted, spiced and seranaded at Sawadee andrew@thelatest.co.uk
Satay-faction H
ow fickle is the fashionable world of food. How styles and ingredients come and go. I tired of moules some years back, and my eyes glaze over when I see the words lamb shank, roquette and bruschetta these days. I somehow never seem to tire of Thai cuisine, though. Oh I have been disappointed by it many times: peas where pea aubergines should be served, tiny portions, pallid soups where fire was required… but not at Sawadee. So after too long a break I returned with Mr R for an oriental feast of flavours and sounds. The welcome at Sawadee is warm, the staff all smile and bow, and at one point the chef even came out to greet us. I never know whether I should bow back so I did a lot of ambiguous nodding in the hope that protocol would be maintained. The menu at Sawadee is full of so many favourites that we had a real struggle choosing. I wanted soup – I love Thai soup – but I also wanted the mixed starters and had a hankering for a beef salad too. Mr R was perfectly happy to go along with my whims and so, too, were the kitchen. First out were the starters: crisp spring rolls, delicious fishcakes, stuffed chicken wings – surely life is too short to stuff a chicken wing but I am so glad they seem to have the time; and of course mee krob – or grob depending on your phonetic sensibilities. Sticky crisp noodles, yum. The chicken satay – how could we not have chicken satay? – was perfect, the peanut sauce soft and sweet and sticky, the skewered ribbons of meat expertly spiced and perfectly cooked. I did however
“Thai soups are racy, exciting and slightly dangerous, like aromatic abseiling, culinary extreme sport”
fear that, once again, my ‘eyes bigger than belly’ failing was resurfacing. This often happens in oriental restaurants where the choice of starters is a temptation too far. Next came the soup, with that delicious savoury mix of fishy saltiness and fiery chilli. I love the way it collectively builds so that, by your last spoonful, your lips start to gently pulse with the heat. Thai soups have taken over from wanton soup in my culinary top ten. They’re racy, exciting and slightly dangerous, like aromatic abseiling, culinary extreme sport. Mr R was slightly mystified by my craving for the beef salad – a good thing, I thought, as I got to eat the bulk of this dish. I love once again that combination of fish sauce, sugar and chilli splashed over sliced beef, and a salad of onions and masses of herbs. All cold, too. It really is something of a firework display of a dish and I mopped it up with glee, despite the increasing tingling in my lips. A curry for once offered a more simplistic palette of flavours, and some simple noodles and plain rice added the soft, sweet warmth and soothing balm required to balance the other dishes. As we sat making our way through our feast, the manager called to the restaurant to be quiet as a beautiful waiter was going to sing. She had the most sweet and resonant voice. The song was unfamiliar – modern Thai I guessed – but so pretty and we all applauded. She bowed modestly, smiled and slid away. It was delightful, as was the food, the service, the whole experience: I hope not to leave it so long before I return again. Sawadee Thai Restaurant, 87 St James’s Street, Brighton, BN2 1TP, 01273 624 233, www.sawadeethai.co.uk
Superb Wine List Authentic Traditional and Modern Greek Food Tuesday – Saturday evenings 6–10.30pm Saturday & Sunday lunches 12–3pm
014_015_LS441_Diningdeals
10/9/09
15:54
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14 DINING DEALS
£10 for 3 courses • Diners must produce this voucher (4 persons max) • Includes Eat as much as you like hot buffet • Offer available Sunday to Wednesday inclusive • Lunch and Dinner until the end of September
www.balibrasserie.co.uk Tel: 01273 323810 Kingsway Court, First Avenue, Hove, BN3 2LR
EAT OUT FOR £5 at 01273 677676
01273 775477
01273 730355
01273 325135
The Chilli Pickle £10 thali & a pint
Special 2 course menu for £5 with this voucher - please request this menu on arrival
Every weekday lunch we are offering any thali plus a crisp pint of Kingfisher or a glass of house wine or soft drink for £10
One voucher per 2 people, Monday - Thursday inclusive.
Kathmandu Goat Curry, Paneer Tikka Masala, Bengali fish curry, Allepey Coconut & Vegetable Stew and Fragrant Chicken Korma all served with baby naan, dal, rice, veg and pickle
10% service will be added. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.
The Chilli Pickle, 2 Meeting House Lane, Brighton House, BN11HB
tel: 01273 323 824
We are doing a ‘Celebrate 25 years menu'
SPECIAL OFFER £25.00
2 courses for 2 for £ 25
and for £30 includes a bot tle of ho use wine
2 course meal for two with 1/2 LTR carafe of wine included
Available everyday til 7pm throughout September. Gars is located in the heart of The Lanes and although 25 years old the décor is very modern with bamboo flooring, bespoke silk shades and stylish leather wall panelling to compliment the modern and authentic mix of asian cuisine. Quick fried squid in salt and chilli, sesame prawns on toast, steamed seabass in ginger and spring onions and drunken chicken are just a few of the items on the ‘Celebrate 25 menu.’ Gars Restaurant, 19 Prince Albert Street, BN1 1HF
www.gars.co.uk
Tel:01273 321 321
If so, we want to know. Ring Rachel today on 01273 818150 to find out how your restaurant or venue can be part of our great Christmas party feature coming soon.
(+10% optional service charge) Avail: Tues to Thurs 12 till 7pm & Friday and Saturday 12 till 6pm only Tel: 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk 196 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2DJ
Please bring this voucher with you
014_015_LS441_Diningdeals
9/10/09
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DINING DEALS 15
Combining locally sourced produce with French cuisine. Complimented by impeccable service at affordable prices.
SAMPLE DAILY MENU French onion soup * Fresh Salmon tartare Locally caught Pollok a la catalane Sussex lamb chops in Thyme jus tomate provencale Crème caramel * Chocolate mousse * Amaretto ice cream FRI & SAT: 2-course menu £14.50 * 3-course menu £16.50 SUN TO THURS: 2-course menu £10.50 * 3-course menu £12.50
10%
t Discoun with this advert
SOME SIGNATURE DISHES FROM THE A LA CARTE MENU Fole gras de canard with warm toast £9.50 British porterhouse steak * Chips, Béarnaise or garlic butter: £12.95 Smoked Haddock fishcake & baby spinach: £10.50 Our famous Crème Brulée: £4.50 Tarte tatin & Calvados crème fraiche: £4.50
10/11 New Steine Hotel, Brighton BN2 1PB 01273 681546 / 695415 www.newsteinehotel.com reservation@newsteinehotel.com
gourmet three-course lunch on Saturday or Sunday and receive a complimentary bottle of our selected wine. Book a
The restaurant at drakes 43-44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE 01273 696934 www.therestaurantatdrakes.co.uk Valid until end of September 2009. One bottle per table. Diners must bring this coupon. Menu prices £25.00 p.p. for 3 courses.
01903 812347 23 High Street, Steyning, BN44 3YE
2 for 1 on our bar
Zamdani is rated as one of the best by the locals for its high quality of food, bright, modern surroundings and attentive staff. A starter of Murug 65 is excellent and unique to Zamdani. Special offer of £9.95 for a two course meal and 10% discount on takeaways.
home comforts menu Excludes main restaurant. Offer available until 13th October. Terms and conditions apply.
216 Church Road, Brighton, BN3 2DJ
Tel:01273 722216
016_LS441_Saffron
9/10/09
2:31 PM
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16 COVER FEATURE
Art showcase Fresh and funky are buzz words at the contemporary Saffron Art Gallery affron Art Gallery is celebrating its tenth birthday in 2009, but the big change came for the gallery three years ago when it was taken over by Simon and Liz Honey. The pair immediately began building relationships with contemporary artists based predominantly in the South East. Now a showcase for top artists in Sussex, Surrey and Kent, Saffron Art Gallery has recently doubled its space on Battle High Street to exhibit a greater diversity of artwork. The philosophy at Saffron is to promote the finest contemporary art the South East has to offer, and to make it affordable and present it in a relaxed, friendly and informal setting. Relationships with artists and regular contact is essential to relate detailed knowledge of the artists they represent; their artwork, background, education, techniques, materials and – what the customers like most of all – their quirky character traits. People like to hear that Sarah Masters specifically uses the Weekend Magazine from the Daily Mail on her whitebait series of fish collages, and the orange fish scale on her Deep Sea Diver began life as a Quality Street chocolate wrapper. Or that Anna Keiller’s very first House God was the direct result of a big argument with her now former husband – she smoke-fired him as she saw him that day; squat, with short arms and a small head. Liz Honey explains: “Our artists are a fresh, diverse bunch of
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people, who keep on producing new and funky work. We select them very carefully so that when we enthuse, it’s genuine. We visit them at their studios and it’s so difficult to leave anything behind when we leave!” Saffron Art Gallery is housed in a restored 15th
century building in the heart of historic Battle, just 30 seconds’ walk from Battle Abbey and 45 minutes’ drive from Brighton. Regular exhibitions throughout 2009 have proven a huge success with more planned for 2010. Full details and a catalogue of all artists and artwork can be found on www.saffrongallery.co.uk. Saffron will exhibit on stand 26 at the Brighton Art Fair in October with six of their artists: Chrissy Guest, Alison Trask, Jane Skinner, Diane Rogers, Luella Martin and Cathryn Kemp. Saffron Art Gallery, 59–60 High Street, Battle, East Sussex, TN33 0EN, tel: 01424 772130.
017_LS441_health
9/11/09
2:41 PM
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HEALTH 17
A perfect smile is easy and affordable at Bright On Smiles, writes Zara Baker t’s been an ongoing joke in Hollywood films for years: the British are notorious for having bad teeth. Fast forward to the new millennium and the change is visible, both on screen and everyday life. Cosmetic dentistry has become so advanced it is now easier and more affordable than ever to obtain the bright-white smile previously reserved for the rich and famous. It’s all thanks to dental centres like Bright On Smiles in Hove. A trip to the dentist is no longer just about that dreaded annual check-up. At Bright On Smiles, patients are actively seeking out advice and treatments on cosmetic dentistry from Dr Shahla Imani. Of course, good dental health is at the forefront of all treatments. It is important to have healthy teeth and gums even if you are looking to have veneers, crowns or teeth whitening carried out. Dr Imani then creates a bespoke treatment package for patients using groundbreaking dental technology to reshape, whiten or repair teeth. She keeps on top of the latest techniques on various dental courses, as treatments are advancing all the time. Veneers are known as the ‘false nails’ of the dental industry. With little adjustment to the patients’ teeth, porcelain veneers fit over chipped, stained or misaligned teeth, so that they appear natural and look healthy – they can even be used to close small gaps when a brace is not suitable. Veneers are thin (hence the false nails reference) and are fitted with a strong special bond. They are placeded easily on top of a patient’s tooth: a small adjustment making a big difference. Invisalign braces (which do exactly what their name suggests) are another option for a healthy, natural smile. A consultation at Bright On Smiles will identify the best course of treatment available for you, so you can smile with confidence. See if cosmetic dentistry can work for you. Visit Bright On Smiles Dental Centre, 159 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex, BN3 2AD. 01273 777790.
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DENTAL CENTRE
10% off all veneer work* *Please quote ‘The Latest’ to claim this offer
Veneers - as seen on TV Zoom - No. 1 method for teeth whitening Invisalign - invisible braces (free consultation) Cosmetic fillings Gum treatments Botox - free consultation Restylane - free consultation*** Snoring Solutions All other general dental treatments welcome
Number ONE in High Technology surgery in Sussex 159 Church Road (bottom of George Street),
Hove, East Sussex BN3 2AD
01273 777790
© 2007 Andrew Peppard
Pearly queen
000_LS441 Specs Opticians
9/9/09
3:20 PM
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Mon – Fri 10am to 5.30pm, Sat 10am to 6pm, Sun 11am to 5pm
019_LS441_Stage
9/10/09
12:17 PM
Page 1
STAGE 19
Hello possum Andrew Kay chats to his old friend Barry Humphries about Dame Edna’s Last Night Of The Poms I met Barry Humphries in the early 1980s. He was writing Dame Edna’s Bedside Companion, and I was the art director. It took a good part of a year and during that time I spent many hours with him. It was a fabulous, surreal experience that took me all over the country in the company of one of the greatest wits of our time. Years later, I worked with him once again but until now had lost touch.
Stage listings Tuesday 15 September to Monday 28 September Brighton Dome, Pavilion Theatre 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Red Sea Fish An atmospheric, darkly funny story about loss, identity and the folly of trying to control the world, presented by Brighton-based company Two Bins. Transfers to New York in November where it will open the Brits Off Broadway Festival. • 16–18 September, 7.45pm, £8.50/7
Separate Tables Terence Rattigan brings his social scalpel to the dining room of the Beauregard Private Hotel. Philip Franks directs a cast including the ever-brilliant Gina McKee. • 15 September – 3 October, 7.30pm (No performances Sundays) plus occasional 2pm Mats (check with venue), £10–£33.
The Barn Theatre
Eastbourne: Congress Theatre
01273 597094 www.southwickplayers.org.uk Jerry And Tom A gritty, fly on the wall insight into the life of two Chicago hitmen. • 22 –26 September, 7.45pm, £9/8.
01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Intimately Yours Matt Monro Jnr returns to the Congress Theatre for another night of music in tribute to his father, the late great Matt Monro. Hits include ‘Born Free,‘ ‘From Russia With Love,‘ ‘Yesterday,‘ ‘Walk Away,‘
Chichester Festival Theatre 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk
Photo: Greg Gorman
AK: Hello Barry, long time… are you looking forward to appearing here in Brighton? BH: Well, it’s over ten years since I performed on a British stage so yes. I have mostly been in America doing this little show that started in San Francisco. It was a two week season about ten years ago. AK: You always wanted to conquer America? BH: It wasn’t an ambition and I don’t like to use the word conquer – it always seems to announce defeat. Anyway, like all nice things in life it was rather an unexpected success, and two weeks turned into months. A producer picked it up for Broadway and all of a sudden I got this Tony Award. I have since had another Tony nomination and then done a six month tour of America so I am spending a lot of my time there and, of course, in Australia. I do miss Great Britain and a lot of my friends are here in London. AK: Is that hard? BH: It can be difficult, I have to look at my life more carefully and decide where I end up. I used to like Eastbourne because it made me feel young; everyone is so much older than we would ever be. AK: Some of us are refusing to age – but having said that I saw you on TV recently and you look no different, whereas my hair has gone white. BH: Well, I am a bit jowly. AK: So tell me about Last Night Of The Poms.
BH: Back in the early ‘80s I was introduced to Carl Davies – a composer I admired – by Ken Thompson, and he suggested that we do something together. I used to go down to Streatham where he lived and it was next door to Cynthia Payne’s establishment. AK: Did he get a discount? BH: I don’t think he ever went; he didn’t admit it. But he was a pretty stern task master, too. I was sitting typing and Carl was cracking a whip of a different kind. We decided to write a cantata, a musical history of Australia, and something for Les Patterson in act one inspired by Peter And The Wolf. It was a two night stand at the Albert Hall – the biggest place I have ever played. It went amazingly well. Then we did a little tour of Australia and the project went into a drawer and we haven’t looked at it again until a few weeks ago. So this is really a piece dating from 1982, 27 years ago. I think it will go pretty well and we have updated all the topical references. AK: Have you been to the Brighton Centre? BH: No, what is it like? Dame Edna wanted the Royal Pavilion but the promoters wanted something more up to date. And Sir Lesley wanted to be as close to the pier as possible. AK: Is he well? Has he retired as a politician? BH: No he is still being sent on assignments by the Australian Government, most of them as far away from Australia as possible. I am surprised he is still alive considering his indulgences. AK: Yes, he always had a far reaching effect. BH: Indeed, Brighton will be just his cup of tea. AK: And the lovely Dame Edna is well I assume? BH: Oh yes, very well indeed, and you know Andrew, Edna has not appeared in Brighton for many years. That last time she did, Sir Lesley made his entrance through the box office after the show had started and was barred from the Theatre Royal. He had to protest to get through the stalls. They said: “you are inebriated, sir.“ AK: So you, Edna and the team are as busy as ever? BH: Yes, and we have a new book coming out, a thorough autobiography of Dame Edna with new sets of revelations. They say that behind every great man is a great woman but with Barry and Edna there is a lot of jostling for pole position – so expect extreme hilarity and outrage at Last Night Of The Poms. Last Night Of The Poms, The Brighton Centre, Friday 18 September, 7.45pm, 0844 847 1515
‘Portrait Of My Love’. • 24 September, 7.30pm, £17.50/15.50
Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Back To The ‘80s Dance, drama and lots of ‘80s music from ‘Material Girl’ to ‘Video Killed The Radio Star’. • 15–19 September, 7.30pm plus Thurs & Sat 2.30pm, £9–£12.50.
Horsham: The Capitol 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Somewhere Over The Rainbow The life story of Eva Cassidy. • 17 September, 8pm & Wed 2pm, £18.50/17.50. The Gruffalo Based on the popular Julia Donaldson book. Join mouse as he sets out into the woods on a hunt for hazelnuts; meet a wheeler-dealer Fox, an eccentric old Owl, a party-mad Snake... and, of course, the Gruffalo! • 18–19 September, Fri 1.30pm & Sat 11am, 1pm & 3pm, £8.50–£12.
Theatre Royal 08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Absurd Person Singular Soap cast star in Alan Ayckbourn’s West End comedy about social-climbers at a drinks party. • 14–19 September, 7.45pm & Sat Mat 2.30pm, £17.50–£30.50. LazyTown Live!: The Pirate Adventure Swashbuckling singalong family show. • 23–27 September, Wed-Sat 5pm, Sun 11am & 2pm; plus Fri 1.30pm, Sat 11am and 2pm £14.75-£31.50.
Worthing: Conaught Theatre 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk The Signalman Join the signalman as he tries to uncover the truth behind nervejangling apparitions and discovers that nothing is as it seems. • 15–19 September, 7.30pm, £22/13. Matinees Wed 2pm and Sat 2.30pm
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20 FILM www.odeon.co.uk
0871 224 4007 Tuesday 15 (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.15 AWAY WE GO (15) 7.45 DISTRICT 9 (15) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 9.00 DORIAN GRAY (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 THE FINAL DESTINATION 3D (15) 1.45, 4.00, 6.30, 8.30 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.30, 4.40 JULIE & JULIA (12A) 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 SORORITY ROW (15) 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 WHITEOUT (12A) 2.00, 4.15, 6.45, 9.15
Wednesday 16 (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.15 DISTRICT 9 (15) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 9.00 DORIAN GRAY (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 THE FINAL DESTINATION 3D (15) 1.45, 4.00, 6.30, 8.30 GAMER (18) 4.45, 7.15, 9.15 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.30 JULIE & JULIA (12A) 2.30, 5.15, 8.00
SORORITY ROW (15) 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 WHITEOUT (12A) 2.00, 4.15, 6.45, 9.15
Thursday 17 (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.45, 8.15 DISTRICT 9 (15) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 9.00 DORIAN GRAY (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 THE FINAL DESTINATION 3D (15) 1.45, 4.00, 6.30, 8.30 GAMER (18) 4.45, 7.15, 9.15 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 1.30 JULIE & JULIA (12A) 10.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 SORORITY ROW (15) 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 SRAT TREK (12A) 10.30am WHITEOUT (12A) 2.00, 4.15, 6.45, 9.15
Films showing Fri 18–Mon 21 BEDTIME STORIES (PG) G-FORCE 3D (PG) HARRY POTTER & THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) THE TIME-TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES
www.picturehouses.co.uk
01273 626261 Tuesday 15
Friday 18
FISH TANK (15) 4.00 (Silver Screen) FISH TANK (15) 9.00 MESRINE: PUBLIC ENEMY NO 1 (15) 1.30 (Silver Screen) MESRINE: PUBLIC ENEMY NO 1 (15) 6.30 SUNSHINE CLEANING (15) 11.00am (Silver Screen)
AWAY WE GO (15) 4.00, 9.00 THE BLUES BROTHERS (15) 11pm MID-AUGUST LUNCH (U) 1.30
Wednesday 16
Saturday 19 AWAY WE GO (15) 4.00, 9.00 MID-AUGUST LUNCH (U) 1.30 TREASURE PLANET (U) 11am (Kids Club)
FISH TANK (15) 5.30 MESRINE: PUBLIC ENEMY NO 1 (15) 1.30 SUNSHINE CLEANING (15) 11.00am (Big Scream) THREE MILES NORTH OF MOLKOM + INTRODUCTION BY RUSSELL HOWARD (15) 8.00
Sunday 20
Thursday 17
Monday 21
FISH TANK (15) 3.30, 8.30 MESRINE: PUBLIC ENEMY NO 1 (15) 1.00, 6.00
AWAY WE GO (15) 4.00, 9.00 BUSTIN’ DOWN THE DOOR (15) 6.30 MID-AUGUST LUNCH (U) 1.30 AWAY WE GO (15) 4.00, 6.00 MID-AUGUST LUNCH (U) 2.00
www.cineworld.co.uk
0871 200 2000 Tuesday 15 (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (12A) 11.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 DISTRICT 9 (15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.10 DORIAN GRAY (15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.05, 8.40 THE FINAL DESTINATION 3D (15) 1.00 3.10, 5.15, 7.20, 9.30 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 2.25, 5.40, 8.50 JULIE & JULIA (12A) 11.55, 2.40, 5.30, 8.20 SORORITY ROW (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.40, 7.00, 9.20 JOHN CARPENTER’S THE THING (18) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00, 9.15
Wednesday 16 (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (12A) 11.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 DISTRICT 9 (15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.10 DORIAN GRAY (15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.05, 8.40 THE FINAL DESTINATION 3D (15) 1.00 3.10, 5.15, 7.20, 9.30 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 4.00
GAMER (18) 1.05, 3.15, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 8.50 JULIE & JULIA (12A) 11.55, 2.40, 5.30, 8.20 SORORITY ROW (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.40, 7.00, 9.20 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 1.30, 6.00
Thursday 17 (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (12A) 11.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 DISTRICT 9 (15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.10 DORIAN GRAY (15) 12.50, 3.30, 6.05, 8.40 THE FINAL DESTINATION 3D (15) 1.00 3.10, 5.15, 7.20, 9.30 G–FORCE 3D (PG) 4.00 GAMER (18) 1.05, 3.15, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (18) 8.50 JULIE & JULIA (12A) 11.55, 2.40, 5.30, 8.20 SORORITY ROW (15) 12.00, 2.20, 4.40, 7.00, 9.20 THE TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE (12A) 1.30, 6.00
L7 lowdown What’s on this week
Dorian Gray (15) Dir: Oliver Parker The latest re-working of Oscar Wilde’s shockingly decadent novel about a beautiful man capable of ugly things – with a great big secret in the attic (the only place for people of note to keep secrets in the Victorian era). Starring beautiful man Ben Barnes in the title role and Colin Firth as his wayward pal. Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Connaught
District 9 (15) Dir: Neill Blomkamp Touching and gripping satire in South Africa covering the ‘what if’ scenario of aliens coming to Earth only to be herded into a ghetto in Johannesburg. Portrayed with a mixture of reportage and regular narrative, it’s an incredible story about a very ordinary bureaucrat who, after a chance event, finds himself on the run and forming unlikely allegiances. Brilliantly done. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon
Julie & Julia (12A) Dir: Nora Ephron Combining a blog with a biography across the eras sounds a bit odd, but you can be sure that such an escapade is in safe hands with romcom queen Nora Ephron. Meryl Streep is Julia Childs right at the start of her cooking career, and Amy Adams is Julie Powell, blogging about her culinary self-challenge to cook all of the recipes from Child’s first cookbook. Living, learning, butter – it’s all here. Showing at Odeon and Cineworld
Silent Movie Experience One-off cinema event West End musician and performer David Watts creates a live soundtrack to some classic silent movies with music and effects in a quirky 1920s style entertainment. Catch it on Friday 18 September. Showing at Lokanta restaurant, 81 George Street, Hove
Away We Go (15) Dir: Sam Mendes The chance to see a sneak preview of Mendes’ latest cinematic offering this Tuesday before it’s general release at the weekend. Away We Go chronicles the trials and tribulations of a young couple expecting their first child as they travel the length and breadth of the US of A to find exactly the right place to bring up their little ‘un. Showing at Odeon and Duke of York’s (500) Days Of Summer (12A) Dir: Marc Webb Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Third Rock From The Sun) plays Tom, a greetings card writer who falls for his boss’s new secretary (Zooey Deschanel) on Day One. By Day 31, love is in the air. Fast forward to Day 488 and it’s not so rosy. Back pedal for more of the story, which continues to unfold in a less than linear fashion. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon
Fish Tank (15) Dir: Andrea Arnold British, gritty and Michael Fassbender in a very different role to that seen in Inglourious Basterds. Here he’s a supporting part to 15year-old Katie Jarvis’ Mia, a girl who loves to dance but is prone to fighting with everyone. That’s the inhabitants of her estate, her mum, school – the lot. Mum brings home a new charismatic boyfriend (Fassbender) and things start to change. Showing at Duke of York’s Mid-August Lunch (U) Dir: Gianni di Gregorio Partly autobiographical, this is a lovely tale of a man living with his mother – his life split between housework and the pub. Over a barrel with debts to his landlord, he reluctantly takes in the landlord’s mother and aunt over the August Bank Holiday weekend, in exchange for a fraction of the debts to be written off; only to find himself contesting with three formidable ladies and trying to keep each in turn happy. In Italian. Showing at Duke of York’s
Films showing Friday 18–Monday 21 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES
www.worthingtheatres.co.uk
01903 206206 Tues 15–Mon 21
Sun 20–Mon 21
DORIAN GRAY (15) 2.00 (Monday only), 2.30 (Wed & Sun only), 5.00 (Fri, Sat and Sun only) 8.00
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE (12A) 7.00 (Sun only), 1.30 & 7.30 (Mon only)
Sat 19–Sun 20 G-FORCE (PG) 1.45, 4.00 (Sun only)
Fish Tank
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A laughing matter Victoria Nangle chats to star comic musician Tim Minchin omical musician Tim Minchin took time out from working with the RSC on a children’s musical for Christmas 2010 to talk about his comedy friends and family. So what do his kids think of their famous dad? “Well, one of them’s eight weeks old and the other’s two – almost three – and so I think Violet, the older one, thinks that everyone’s on telly. She’s seen Daddy on telly, Mark Watson on telly – she goes “Watson!“ when he’s on, because she calls him Watson. I think she just thinks that everyone goes on telly... At her age she can’t have any concept of someone being known or not known. Probably by the time she does – ahh! Who knows, I might have changed a bit more or maybe I’ll have decided I just want to write musicals.”
C
“She was going: ‘Daddy – no more!’ from off stage, so she got banned” Surely not! Violet probably thinks all daddys go to the telly for work. “Exactly! Although having said that, there’s also my ‘loud‘ work. She says: “are you going to loud work?“, meaning am I doing a gig because she doesn’t like it. She yelled at one gig we tried to get her to watch. She was going: “Daddy – no more!“ from off stage, so she got banned from venues.” She obviously has her own direct issues with the show, but what’s Tim’s favourite bit? He considers for a while and then it comes to him: “‘Storm‘. I do a huge poem called ‘Storm‘. You can look it up on YouTube because I’ve let it go – because it’s a preach and I want it out there. It’s a big poem to a jazz backing about a dinner party with someone who believes in lots of stuff that I don’t think people should believe in. It’s my kind of last word on rationalism. Of course it won’t be my last word on rationalism but that was what it was meant to be. I don’t know why I’m so passionate about it, I don’t care what people think. But it’s really fun to do.“ An excellent reason to like it best. Tim Minchin – Ready For This, Magners Comedy Festival, Friday 18 September, Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £17.50 and Thursday 29 October, 8pm, £17.50. His DVD ‘So F**cking Rock! LIVE’ is out now.
Comedy listings Tuesday 15 Michael McIntyre Holding the title for the fastest selling debut stand-up DVD of all time, McIntyre burst onto the comedy scene and took the country by storm, becoming the comedy sensation of the year. Congress Theatre, 8pm, £27.50
Thursday 17 Terry Alderton Perrier Award nominee and Royal Variety performer Terry Alderton is an
outstanding comic, who hurtles us through an ad-libbed riot of exuberant, loose-limbed physical comedy. Komedia, 7.30pm, £12. Prince Arthur Comedy Night Join them once again for a lovely free night of comedy. This month see: Luke Bailey, Tony Gaston, Sean McLoughlin, Mark Diamond, Romesh Ranganathan, David WainHeapy and Jason Blackwater. Prince Arthur Pub, 8pm, free.
Friday 18 Last Night of the Poms with Barry Humphries featuring Dame Edna Everage and Sir Les Patterson Accompanying Barry Humphries and the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra on the night is The Brighton Festival Chorus. With the combination of comedy and powerful sound this is a guaranteed extravaganza. Brighton Centre, 6.30pm, £60/45/30.
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22 MUSIC NEWS | HIGHLIGHTS
latest music
with Jeff Hemmings
★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★
Let there be light Brighton singer-songwriter Kate Walsh talks to Jeff Hemmings hen iTunes picked up on Kate Walsh’s ‘Talk Of The Town’ and made it their free single of the week, suddenly it all came together for the Brighton-based singer-songwriter. After several years of slogging away in obscurity, her subsequent album Tim’s House picked up plenty of sales, striking another blow for independently minded artists who don’t feel the need nor the desire to work with major labels. “I have a really good team, a brilliant manager who’s believed in me all the way,” says the quietly spoken Kate. Of course, the majors do provide useful resources in the form of marketing, and it was this that tempted her to go with Mercury to help consolidate the success of Tim’s House, which had been recorded on a budget of less than four figures. But it didn’t work out… “It became apparent quickly that it wasn’t a great idea to hand over your baby to them,” she explains. “All the pleasure we got from making it and releasing Tim’s House quickly disappeared. “It was like we were on some industry conveyor belt… it wasn’t about making music or gigging, it became all about the high-end glossy side of things. People are on a wage, it’s just a job for them. If you don’t sell X amount of units you’re out the door!” Kate is notoriously honest: in her songs too she wears her heart on her sleeve, letting her emotions pour out. “I’m a very honest person, I just can’t pretend,” she says.
W
Music highlights Tuesday 15 to Monday 21 September Josh Ritter Superlative American singer-songwriter who displays a deep intelligence that, allied to strong melodies and a generally haunting tone, has seen him win decent audiences here in the UK. He calls his style ‘American history through narrative folk music,‘ and is influenced by the likes of Dylan and Cash. Tuesday 15 September, Hanbury Club The Magic Numbers Made up of two pairs of siblings, this band are actually English but commonly mistaken for Americans, in part because of their multi-cultural backgrounds. They have gained a strong reputation for their warm and gentle indie pop sounds that owe a little to the sounds of the West Coast. With strong harmonies allied to delicate musicianship, their somewhat watery, dreamy music is not to everyone’s taste, especially those who prefer a little more dynamism. Tuesday 15 September, Concorde 2
“If you aren’t enjoying something or being yourself, people can see right through it.” Her new album Light And Dark is a bigger, more grandiose affair than Tim’s House but still retains the intimacy that characterises all her work. “It’s more produced, there’s strings, drums, all sorts going on.” Guests include Turin Brakes’ Ollie Knights, Martin Harley, members of KT Tunstall and Gloria Cycles’ bands… and her cello teacher. “I’ve been spending a lot of time learning cello,” says Kate. “I got my Grade 2 last week and got a distinction! I’m a bit of a nerd like that.” Light And Dark is out now. Kate performs with her trio at the Hanbury Club on Wednesday 21 October.
A Flock Of Seagulls Shock return for this British outfit who found a degree of fame and fortune in the USA after the Brits rather ran out of enthusiasm for their New Romantic sounds and haircuts. But since the likes of Gazza Numan have suddenly found a whole new audience for the bygone days of early synth-pop, perhaps we shoudn’t be surprised. Wednesday 16 September, Concorde 2 Wildhearts Enigmatic frontman Ginger formed this hard rock and pop outfit 20 years ago, combining influences as diverse as Metallica and The Beatles. For a time back in the late ‘90s they were a hot proposition, their album PHUQ reaching number six in the charts. They’ve now released their ninth studio record and continue to tour hard and play prestigious festivals. Friday 11 September, Komedia Leisure Society Success has come late for Nick Hemming, who was in a band in the early ‘80s with actor Paddy Considine and film director Shane Meadows. Their debut album The Sleeper, on the Brighton-based Wilkommen Collective label, has caught the current pastoral semi-acoustic folk zeitgeist. Lovely harmonies, luscious strings and a feel-good vibe. Monday 21 September, Duke Of York’s
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MUSIC 23
Music listings To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart
Tuesday 15 to Monday 21 September
Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 No Sharp Objects – The Wrong Kind Of Love ★ 2 No Sharp Objects – Home 3 Jaybee – Brokeback Mountain North Atlantic Oscillation, Sunday
4 Surrender Monkeys – John Agar Was Right 5 Gordon’s Alive – Taxi In 5
Tuesday 15
Saturday 19
Future Islands + EAR PWR + Shield Your Eyes Baltimore dance-rockers set fire to the Freebutt’s sweaty stage.Freebutt,8pm, £tbc The Magic Numbers + Danny And The Champions Of The World + Mayor McCa The sunny pop-rock siblings return with a new album. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12.50
Nodzzz + Cold Puma Quirky San Fran pop rockers. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Pio Psychedelic Double Bubble Part 1: Drum Eyes + Prince Rama Of Ayodhya + The Notorious Hi-Fi Killers + Eat Lights: Become Lights + Rowan Coupland + Bolide Psychedelic weekend featuring Japanese noisetamperers Drum Eyes, a project featuring mentalist local hero DJ Scotch Egg. The Lectern, 8pm, £6 White Air Festival: Biffy Clyro + The Doves + The Cribs + The Lemonheads + White Lies + British Sea Power Day two of the extreme sports and rock festival. Day line up TBA. Concorde 2, 10am, £65 (weekend)/£35 (day)
Wednesday 16 Flock Of Seagulls + Luna Park ‘80s pop/rock return to the fold. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £15 The Mojo Fins Folk-rock minstrels return fresh from Glastonbury. Komedia, 7:30pm, £tbc Thieves By The Code Single Launch Party + Saw Gang Buzz Big-riffing retro band launch their new single. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4 Yndi Halda + Jacob’s Stories + Birdengine Mournful, impressive epic instrumental rockers in the vein of Mogwai. Freebutt, 7:30pm, £tbc
Sunday 20
Kayo Dot + Manatees + Blackstorm Brilliantly atmospheric Brooklyn psyche-rockers. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc New Performers’ Showcase Students from Sparker Studios followed by a live jam session. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/5 The Spirit Of Gravity Forward-looking electro showcase. Komedia, 8pm, £tbc The Wildhearts + Black Spiders + No Americana Veteran cult UK sleaze-rockers still rule the roost. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £14
Juliet Kelly Acclaimed jazz singer-songwriter. Komedia, 8pm, £10 North Atlantic Oscillation Glam electro-rock instrumental weirdness in the vein of a prog Holy F*ck. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Vineyard: The Evening Service Band A talk on spirituality followed by live music. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, free White Air Festival: Biffy Clyro + The Doves + The Cribs + The Lemonheads + White Lies + British Sea Power Final day of the festival to grace Brighton’s coastline since its move from the Isle of Wight. Day line up TBA. Concorde 2, 10am, £65 (weekend)/£35 day
Friday 18
Monday 21
Foxes! Brighton indie rockers take the stage. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc Mando Diao Swedish pop-rockers with a catchy edge to their tunes. Digital, 7.30pm, £8 White Air Festival: Doves + Biffy Clyro + The Cribs + White Lies + The Lemonheads + British Sea Power + More The interesting combo of extreme sports and rock festival moves to Brighton from the Isle of Wight. Headlined by nu-grunge rockers Biffy Clyro, britpoppers Doves and Wakefield’s finest, The Crib. Day line up TBA. Concorde 2, 10am, £65 weekend/ £35 day
Breakthrough With Rough Trade: Two Choices + Alice + The World According To + Gregk Unsigned acts perform at this weekly showcase. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4 Brides + Lavotchkin Heavy metal/hardcore rock. Freebutt, 8pm, £tbc Tom McRae One of the UK’s very best singersongwriters who still has a knack for pop-rock balladry soaked with caustic lyrics.Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £14
Thursday 17
6 Chaos Borne – Watching 7 Jaybee – Oskar And Eli 8 David Simnel And The Pimpernels – Flame Ignited 9 David Simnel I Hope We’ll See The Bright Side 10 David Simnel And The Pimpernels – Glycerin Tears There’s a new number one this week as the pleasantly sixties-inspired rockers No Sharp Objects break not just the top spot but also hold onto number two. Meanwhile, the ever-present singer-songwriter Jaybee graciously climbs to three, with the equally classy Smiths-alikes Surrender Monkeys taking four. Hard-rocking Flash fans Gordon’s Alive make a welcome first top five appearance with sleaze-rock stomp ‘Taxi in 5‘. 11 Chaos Borne I Will 12 Chaos Borne The Moment 13 Lolatwist pretty 14 Rubber Johnny Fist 15 Rubber Johnny Alzheimers 16 900 Spaces Shake it Up 17 EVOH I Love Brighton 18 Jaybee My Imaginary Friend 19 Mr Resonate Say What You Mean 20 The Mojo Fins In The Script
21 Moranimal Strung Out 22 The Last Cry Rebekka 23 Nig2dmic Now’s The Time (World Cup Song 2010) 24 Breach Of Contact Patick Smart 25 BoxBoy My Weekend 26 Neon Mussolini Emotional For The Last Time 27 Dry Rise Sides To A Story 28 Drewvis Estoy Esperando 29 Harper Ash China Irl 30 White Star Liners Tyre Pressure Was...
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24 BARS&CLUBS
Bar & Club listings
Gay listings
Tuesday 15 to Monday 21 September
Tuesday 15 to Monday 21 September
Tuesday 15
Komedia Born Bad. A wild and sexy night of delinquent rhythms, ‘50s rock’n’roll, 6Ts garage and girl groups. 11pm, £6/5 Life Daft Life. Alt.dance, indie-leaning house and firing electro. 10pm–3am, £4/2 New Hero Somewhere In The Universe. Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5 Ocean Rooms Dubstep + D’n’B All Night Long! Got anything better to do this friday?! 11pm–4am, free Pavilion Tavern Kick Out The Jams. Bringing rock’n’roll mayhem. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Volks Cambridge Comes To Brighton! 2 of the best underground nights meet to bring you the fattest lineup! 11pm, £8/7
Tuesday 15
Saturday 19
Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club. 12pm, free Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm.11am–5am, free Queen’s Arms Karaoke Star 2009 – 1st prize £150. Can you belt out a pop, rock country song or maybe a ballad? 9.15pm, free R-Bar The Midweek Shuffle. Brighton’s hottest new DJ, Zack Hadley rocks R-Bar with cheesy pop, chart, ‘90s dance and club. 12pm. The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free
Audio Bright Young Things. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Digital Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS Funky Buddha Lounge Cheese Room. Classic tunes and disco beats. 11pm–4am, £3/free New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal.10.30pm–3am, £3/1
Wednesday 16 Audio Supercharged. Midweek bass heavy sounds, breaks and drum and bass banged out by Aquasky. 11pm–2.30am, £1 Digital The Poundance. A mash up of your favourite indie, R’n’B, electro, house, classics, dubstep and chart tracks.11pm–3.30am, £1 Life Club NME. A beerfest for All Stars wearing rock/indie fans with live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10.30pm–3am, £2/1 Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’B, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, £2/free
Thursday 17 Audio Shameless presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Funky Buddha Lounge BangBang. Playing the hippest hip-hop, the freshest dup step and the most banging D’n’B! 11pm–5am, £1 b4 12 Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1 Jam Thursday Night Fish Fry. A sweat box of ‘50s rhythm and blues and original Jamaican ska. 10pm–2am, £3. New Hero Pop Kraft. Primary pop overload with the fabulous Boogaloo Stu and The Size Zero Albino. 10pm–2am, £2. Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2
Friday 18 Audio Minimal Kids. Clicks and bleeps finally have a playground in Brighton. 11pm–4am, £8/5 Brighton Coalition Paradisio. Music for the World with Aaron George. 11pm–4am, £tbc Concorde 2 WAF Official After Party. Extreme sports followed by extreme beats with booty bass to D’n’B from Youngsta and the boys. 11pm–4am, free Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £4 Funky Buddha Lounge Release Presents ‘New Jack Swing’. Funky and soulful house. 11pm, £5 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, ‘60s and ‘70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Hanbury Club Club Chat Noir. Gypsy and 20s/30s Hot Swing club. 7pm–2am, £10/4 Honey Club Blatant Presents Spektre. The UK’s biggest techno sensations blast into the south coast's party capital! 11pm–4am, £6/8
Brighton Coalition Pop Musik. Unadulterated pop pleasures, classic hits and maverick pop genius! 11pm–4am, £10/6. Followed by: Blow The After Party. Lose your head to underground house, electro and techno. 3am–8am, £7/4. Concorde 2 See Fri. 10pm–4am, free Digital Blah Blah Blah Presents... Jesse Rose Moda, Jaymo and Andy George. 11pm–4am, £9 Engine Rooms Classic Rock. 10pm–2am, £5 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul. With Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 Honey Club Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS. Jam EBoogie. E-lectronic Pop. 9pm–2am, free Komedia Spellbound. An 80's club night for all the haters of 80s nights, let the campaign for real 80's begin! 9pm, £5 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11 New Hero It is Still 1985. Alternative 80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3 Ocean Rooms Torture Garden. The UK biggest fetish night returns to Brighton for some saucy seaside fun. 11pm–6am, £15 Om Bar and Club Floorgasm. Producing the finest dirty, funky house/breaks/electro to provide a top party atmosphere. 10pm, £tbc Volks Darklight. Taking you to the dark side with vessel bursting D’n’B. 11pm-5am, £tbc
Sunday 20 Concorde 2 WAF Official After Party. See Fri, 11pm–4am, free Life (Previously Arc) Maxxi Soundsystem. Full on party soundsystem. 6pm, free. The Open House We Change the Frequency. Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free
Monday 21 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free Honey Club Disco Babe.10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1 Jam Sessions. D’n’B, dub step, electro and house. 10pm–2am, £tbc Jaime Pettit
Brighton Tavern Games Galore. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. Cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound as a Pound. ’80s, ’90s, ’00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. 10.30pm, £1 The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free
Wednesday 16
Thursday 17 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls On Top Special: Laura White (The X-Factor). Cheese meets credible with deck heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy’s weekday mash up. 10.30pm–4am, £5 The Basement DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. 11pm–4am, free
Friday 18 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Doctor Brightons Flauncy Friday. Filthy funky dance and house. 9.30pm–2am, free Ghetto Popstarz. Indie. 10pm, free b4 11pm Latest Music Bar Frockabilly. Blasting swinging, 1950s sounds in a vintage setting so that all hepcats and kitten can party like its 1959! 10pm–2.30am, £5 Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Girl’s Night. Two floors of mayhem with guest DJs.8pm, free Queen’s Arms Camp Attack. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes
with DJ. 9pm R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop vs Altitude.Top pop tunes. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Zone Betty Swollocks. Jennie Castell 9.30pm, free
Saturday 19 Amsterdam Sun Downers + Late Night Bar. The best beach house music in town. 8pm–5am, free Charles Street Club Mardi Gras. HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3. Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo at the Marly offers fab funky house. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Peter Davis + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin ‘til midnight! Bar open 12pm, free R-Bar Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous from 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–6am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Diva + Booty Call. Live music from 6.30pm then a special guest DJ spins some body shakin’ summer rollers. 12pm The Zone Jo Frances 9.30pm, free
Sunday 20 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance and funky vocal electro filth with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Ghetto Nervous Twitch. Fresh krunked up electro fashion party. 9pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Sunday Quiz. With Drag King, Jack Roquard. 7pm, £1 entry Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Kitty Litter + Betty’s Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays and Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free Revenge Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a Spanish twist. 10.30pm–4am, £tbc. The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes. 11pm–4am, free
Monday 21 Charles Street Club Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin all the best party tracks spanning the last four decades. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free
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latest musicbar
Brighton’s hottest live music and party venue
NOW BOOKING CHRISTMAS PARTIES & DINNERS CALL ANGI ON 01273 687171
the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night amy winehouse & the kooks partied here… now it’s your turn
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you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all birthdays, weddings, civil partnerships, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights
call angi onor email 01273 687171 angi@thelatest.co.uk and book the venue for free* * subject to conditions
this week @ latest
musicbar
tuesday september 15th
sales perso n wanted
due to the huge numbe r of party bo okings we are getting we need on e extra sales person.
ring angi on 01273 6871 71 or email angi@thelat est.co.uk
friday september 18th frockabilly rock till your frock drops! frockabilly, a gay-run, 1950s-themed club night, has arrived in brighton 10pm-2.30am £5 upstairs private party saturday september 19th
her sound wraps up a hundred years of music and sends it into orbit for a new century to witness + support 8pm £4/3
private party to book your private party, weddings or anniversary contact angi on 01273 687171 or email at bookings@thelatest.co.uk
wednesday september 16th
sunday september 20th
sophie madeleine
also the dynamic sound of saw gang buzz + sparklemotion. 8pm £4
vineyard the evening service band and guest musicians, come join us for a night to remember and a unique wind down to your weekend. 7pm. £free.
thursday september 17th
monday september 21st
(open to everyone) doors 7pm live music from 7.30pm– 11pm £6/5
the best breaking acts around plus djs. 7.30pm til 12.00pm, £5/£4 nus
saturn presents welcomes you to the new single launch party,
new performers showcase + jam band
breakthrough with rough trade
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar manchester street, brighton only 100 metres from the pier
go to our website for tickets & listings
01273 687171
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26 EVENTS | ART
Art highlights
Events highlights The world’s biggest puppy party “I wanted to organise something that would help to spread the word about Puppy Farm Awareness Day,“ explains Brighton’s celebrity vet Marc Abraham. “So we came up with the idea for The Puppy Party – a fantastic, fun-filled day out for all the family, but with a very serious message behind it.“ Marc has been appalled by some of the things he has learned about puppy farming – a practice that puts profit before animal welfare. “The only way to shut down these awful puppy
farms is simply to stop the demand for the puppies. We want to educate people about how to buy happy and healthy puppies, either from a responsible breeder who is registered with The Kennel Club, or by adopting from a rescue centre.” This not-for-profit event will include heats for the alternative dog show, Scruffts; an exhibition hall; free dogtraining; have-a-go agility and face-painting for children, with the highlight being a fun dogshow judged by celebrities. The event is free, but you will need to register for a ticket at www.thepet.net/puppyparty/atte nd. All profits from donations on the day will be split between Hope Rescue, Sussex Pet Rescue and Pro Dogs Direct. For more information visit www.thepet.net. The Puppy Party, Brighton Racecourse, Saturday 19 September, 10am–5pm.
Out Of The Ordinary Festival Celebrating the Autumn Equinox, OOTO is a three-day eco and family friendly festival, set in the beautiful Sussex countryside. The stages will be powered by solar panels, wind generators and pure plant oil, with a zero waste policy applied to the whole event. There will be fascinating talks and workshops, plus children's activities, a green market and many more out of the ordinary surprises. Out Of The Ordinary Festival, Knockhatch Farm, Friday 18 – Sunday 20 September. For details including ticket prices, visit www.outoftheordinaryfestival.com
Events listings Monday 15 Pleasure Flights Go sight seeing by air over Brighton with your own guided tour in a light aircraft. Flights can be booked daily until 30 September. For more details visit www.brightonscenic.co.uk or call 07918 902721.
Wednesday 18 Old Ship tours The Old Ship
dates back to 1559, and was frequented by royalty, aristocrats and artists. Every Friday, 6pm, £5 For more details call 01273 329001
Saturday 19 Fiery Foods Festival A fantastic two-day food and drink market based around chilli.www.fieryfoodsuk.co.uk/ content/Events. Victoria
Modern Toss Following on from their recent Ink_d gallery show, Brighton’s Modern Toss bring some of the best bits of their Buy More S*** Or We’re All F***** exhibition to Brighton’s Hotel Pelirocco. There will be some new work too, including a one-off cartoon set in one of the bedrooms of the hotel. With the recession at the foremost of their minds, the Modern Toss boys’ motivational pieces are designed to restore national morale and boost consumer confidence. Modern Toss, Hotel Pelirocco, 9–10 Regency Square, Brighton, 01273 327055
Works For Turntable Turntablism – using turntables as a musical instrument – dates back to the 1930s. In this exhibition Stephen Cornford adds to the continuing discourse with constructions that emphasise the kinetic and sculptural qualities of turntables as well as their determination of sound. Interested in the relationship between the physical attributes and acoustic properties of sounding objects, musical instruments and audio technologies, Cornford adapts 12” turntables with springs, wires, guitar strings and found objects. He’s also produced a 7” record composed from recordings of the prepared turntables, which is available to purchase. Stephen Cornford: Works For Turntable, Permanent Gallery, 20 Bedford Place, Brighton, 01273 710389. Until 20 September.
MA09 Gardens, Brighton, 10am–6pm, £3/1
Sunday 20 Car Free Day Pedestrian friendly spaces will be created in Brighton, with live music, performances and activities for everyone to enjoy. Various locations, visit www.journeyon.co.uk for more details. 12pm–5pm, free.
From The Hallucinatory To The The Instant Garden, Lisa Creagh Real showcases work by students graduating from the University of Brighton MA Photography course. There’s everything from documentary, editorial, landscape and still-life photography to video, holography and installation work. Experimentation and innovation are actively encouraged, so expect to see some remarkable work from the likes of Ignacio Acosta, Lisa Creagh, Paul Kemp, Andrew Moran, William Sadowski, Coriine Silva, Eva Voutsaki and Will Woods. University of Brighton Foyer, Grand Parade, Friday 18–Monday 28 September
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REVIEWS 27
Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk Bent Double It was great to see Zoe Lyons and crew bucking the recession by filling this monthly gayfriendly comedy night. This was a particularly strong line-up. First was Rosie Wilby – the Barbara Good of the gay comedy circuit: middle class, mischievous, and likable on subjects from lesbian bed death to coming out. Next was babyfaced story-teller Matt Green, who warmed up after striking lucky by reminiscing about a Viking centre half the room had been to and left us in hysterics with a tale about a Bulgarian toilet. Headliner Kerry Godliman, a ballsy Bridget Jones meets Catherine Tate, launched with gusto into shopping, food and motherhood disasters and left the crowd roaring with appreciation. Komedia, 6 September
★★★★★ Rachel Pegg Eat Your Heart Out Recalling the orgiastic ritual of Mervyn Peake’s Gormenghast and Maurice Sendak’s In The Night Kitchen, and taking its stylistic cues from the vivid carnality of a Caravaggio, Kindle Theatre’s work in progress is a brilliant, interactively staged slab of grotesque. Cast as the last remaining subjects in an apocalyptic kingdom, we made our way through an overgrown path strewn with abandoned
belongings to the court of a fading queen. Here three totemic chefs rolled their eyes, flexed their forceps, and served us up an end-of-days banquet of meat pie, dead crickets, and something slimy and purple which I was called upon to eat with a pair of tweezers. In a final flourish, the tablecloth was then violently converted into a body bag. Perfectly horrible. The Coachwerks, 4 September
★★★★✩ Bella Todd Jim Bob + Tim Ten Yen London mentalist Tim Ten Yen is nothing if not unique. His robotic cat warmed the singer’s seat and joined in the fusion of Davids Byrne and Devant with cheerful, silly, Lightning Seeds pop cheese. A crowd mostly here for headliner Jim Bob was rightly charmed. More serious (but definitely still not serious), the erstwhile frontman of baggy legends Carter USM’s solo work is formidable. Ably assisted by local hero Chris T-T on keyboard, Jim’s infectious back catalogue proved ideal for the intimate Freebutt setting. Trademark witty lyrics, quality acoustic songwriting and effortless stage charisma, combined with a few Carter favourites, left no punter unsatisfied.
Show of the week Prick Up Your Ears John Lahr’s book-turned-film has now become theatre – and in the most convincing of ways. Chris New, as ’60s playwright Joe Orton, is wickedly amoral, egotistical and yet childlike. Gwen Taylor makes a perfect malapropping Mrs Corden. Matt Lucas has the hardest task, that of showing a likable side to Orton’s loverturned-murderer, Kenneth Halliwell. It’s a tough call for the comedian, and at first I wasn’t convinced that he had it. But as the play progressed, Lucas relied less and less on funny voices and awkward mugging and somehow became the desperate, unbalanced lover driven to murder. The excellent script mixed humour with the sinister, and Daniel Kramer used the lightest touch to deliver the hardest of blows. I didn’t come away liking Halliwell any more – but I did see how he could have become so murderously bitter. A tense, uncluttered production packed with power. Theatre Royal, 7 September
★★★★★ ★ Andrew Kay
Freebutt, 2 September
★★★★✩ Nick Aldwinckle
Zoe Lyons
Mother India 21st Century Remix Messing with a classic is always a tricky feat, but this remix of Indian epic, Mother India, works – big style. As the preceding text points out, the story’s themes – debt, struggle, death – warrant a contemporary audience’s attention. ‘Namaste’ to that. Cutting the film to a manageable 45 minutes (the original is well over three hours)
the crew – including top turntablist DJ Tigerstyle – laid on a live, dynamic re-score of cello, drums and keyboard, which spun the edge into ‘experimental’. Keep your peepers peeled for the next work from the mighty Kala Phool. Pavilion Theatre, 5 September
★★★★✩ Monica Perdoni
Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance? Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk
For complete and comprehensive listings go to thelatest.co.uk
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28 TELLY TALK | FILMS ON TV
latestTV
YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE
15 – 21 SEPTEMBER
Telly Talk with Victoria Nangle
Films on TV Top tips for your week of flicks TUESDAY 15
On the right laughter tracks? Shooting Stars, Wed, BBC1; Lunch Monkeys, Thurs, BBC3 ic Reeves and Bob Mortimer launched the reappearance of their panel show parody Shooting Stars with an attack on the state of today’s TV comedy. With gems ranging from The IT Crowd to Top Gear to tickle us, I thought they just weren’t looking hard enough – until I watched fellow Beeb offering Lunch Monkeys. Then I had to concede they had a point. Shooting Stars is a respected and much-loved format, prized for keeping favourite fixtures such as George Dawes and ‘Club Singer’ while introducing fresh comedy ideas in the form of, say, Angelos – the awkward burger van comedy character, now a regular panelist. Employing panel ‘guests’ who are actually treated like guests – as opposed to the canon fodder presented on more competitive shows such as Mock The Week – it’s little wonder they attract such diverse visitors. This week we are delighted by a Hairy Biker and ‘Queens of Clean’ Kim and Aggie. Not your usual panel show fare. Lunch Monkeys, on the other hand, tries to persuade us that office work is a meeting of the classes, with posh twits and chav dimwits uniting to dodge anything vaguely related to work. With a rather dazed and annoyed-looking Nigel Havers wondering how he came to be involved in such dross – this is lazy writing, giving the impression the creators had only heard of office work by rumour. The tales of lost cheques, trips to the bookies and a too casual dilemma of an unexpected pregnancy across the ranks are all drawn with broad strokes, losing out on both laughs and believability. With so many talented comedy writers out there it’s a shame the commissioning editors with such a greed for a ‘yoof audience‘ seem to have such a low opinion of what will suffice. Shooting Stars has broad appeal and original thoughts. Perhaps, with it being so fondly remembered and happily embraced upon its return, this is the recipe for comedy we should be striving for.
V
Titanic ★★★✩✩ (1996, Film4, 9pm. Dir James Cameron) Everyone’s seen it, heard the theme tune and secretly played at being on the front of a boat with their arms stretched out grinning at the world. Yup, it’s the story of that plucky duo in love, Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, the dastardly suitor Billy Zane and a massive iceberg that got a bit too affectionate with an ‘unsinkable’ ship.
WEDNESDAY 16 Copycat ★★★★✩ (1995, BBC1, 10.45pm. Dir Jon Amiel) Innit great when you’re the foremost authority on serial killers, agrophobic, and being stalked by a brand new killer who tops off folks in a series of homages to classic serial killers you’ve written about? Sigourney Weaver’s not too chuffed at the prospect, so luckily cops Holly Hunter and Dermot Mulroney are on hand. Cracking thriller.
THURSDAY 17 There’s No Business Like Showbusiness ★★★✩✩ (1954, Channel 4, 1.10pm. Dir Walter Lang) Ethel Merman belts out the title song and we’re on the stage, smelling the greasepaint already. A classic tale of a stage family on the road, interrupted by Marilyn Monroe aka hat girl Vicky. Who could blame Donald O’Connor for being distracted when that young lady collected his head attire? Big songs, excellent dance routines and an old time musical finale.
FRIDAY 18 Move Over Darling ★★★★★ (1963, Film4, 2.50pm. Dir Michael Gordon) The screwball comedy duo of Doris Day and James Garner unite, with him planning to remarry the day she arrives back after being lost at sea for
five years. Whoops! Being marooned on a desert island with a Tarzan lookalike isn’t all bad, though, and misunderstandings, mixed emotions and lovely slapstick abound.
SATURDAY 19 Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Rings ★★★★✩ (2001, Channel 4, 7pm. Dir Peter Jackson) The first epic installment in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and it’s a doozey, going on for more than three hours. Get comfy. Happy hobbit Frodo inherits a mysterious ring from his uncle Bilbo and then gets ushered off on a quest by wizard Gandalf the Grey to dispatch the ring forthwith. Good thing he’s got some mates to join him on the trek.
SUNDAY 20 Bedazzled ★★★★★ (1967, BBC2, 11.40pm. Dir Stanley Donen) The original ‘60s Faustian tale starring Peter Cook and Dudley Moore at the height of their success. Dud’s a little everyman and Pete is the Devil, promising wildest wishes in exchange for his soul. All well and good, but everyone knows you should never trust the Devil. Co-starring Raquel Welch and Eleanor Bron.
MONDAY 21 Persepolis ★★★★★ (2007, Film4, 9pm. Dir Vincent Paronnaud and Marjane Satrapi) Based on the autobiographical graphic novel of the same name, this Oscarnominated animated tale tells the story of a precocious young girl growing up in Iran after the Iranian Revolution. Author Satrapi was exiled to Paris for her teenage years because of her outspokeness, and this is her family’s story, lovingly and humorously told. Victoria Nangle
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tuesday 15 Jamie’s American Road Trip Channel 4, 9pm If there’s one thing you can say about Americans, they like their food. Our ‘English as fish ‘n’ chips‘ Jamie takes to the roads across the state lines to savour a nationwide tasting session. Yum! Tonight he’s in Queens, New York, tucking in at an illegal Peruvian restaurant and meeting a culinary philanthropic bus driver.
The Big Food Fight Channel 4, 10pm Well-respected foodie Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and proven cuisine comedian Sue Perkins come together for this culinary quiz that tests whether you know your bananas from your plantain. It’s a nifty thing to educate and entertain, as this week’s guests Chas Church and James Martin munch competitively on.
RuPaul’s Drag Race E4, 11pm In a land of glitter, finding the most glamorous drag queen in the country is not going to be an easy business. Or a calm one. The stunners are split into two rival girl groups, meaning cooperation and sharing of the limelight is a must. Can it be done? Guest star Destiny’s Child Michelle Williams helps out.
terrestrial
sport
BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
Channel 4
Five
Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 Beat The Boss 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Trapped 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 FILM: Sealed Cargo (1951) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Car Booty 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Paul Martin visits Martine Knight in Helston, Cornwall who, together with her son David, wants to surprise her husband Chris with a holiday. Is a surprise holiday a kidnap? Thinks. 7.00 Economy Gastronomy Top chefs Allegra McEvedy and Paul Merrett demonstrate ways to slash food bills and improve diets. 8.00 Masterchef The Professionals Double Michelin starred chef Michel Roux Jnr and vegetable expert Gregg Wallace, hunt for a young chef who can make it to the top of the culinary world. 9.00 The Choir: Unsung Town Choirmaster Gareth Malone has started two successful choirs in the housing estate of South Oxhey, but he believes they won’t become ‘real’ choirs until they can perform technically challenging classical music, and sing in Latin. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Music show. Joining Jools are Muse, Florence and the Machine, Lyle Lovett and The Gossip. 10.30 Newsnight Special: Aftershock Special about the anniversary of the credit crash. 11.35 Last Chance To See Stephen Fry and zoologist Mark Carwardine trek to see creatures on the edge of extinction. 12.35am BBC News
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot 10.00 Wasted 10.35 Teen Trouble 11.35 Teen Tycoons 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 British Made 12.45 Property Snakes And Ladders 1.50 FILM: The Titfield Thunderbolt (1953) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Game Ranger Diaries 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Rough Guide To Cities 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Another Day (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Is it all over for Angelo and Charlie? Nicole’s reckless behaviour continues. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Don’t they look shiny and new? 7.30 Monkey Life Series charting life at Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. Keeper Mike is on a mission in Moscow to rescue a baby orangutan called Joly. Ah. 8.00 Big, Bigger, Biggest This edition studies the six technological leaps forward that preceded the construction of the world’s biggest cruise liner. Not the Love Boat. 9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. The CSIs question a young man who is found covered in blood in the street. The man believes he has murdered someone, but has no memory of who he is or who he might have killed. 10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The death of a runner in a bridal shop seems to be connected to the rape and murder of a young musician. But is it just a coincidence? Probably not. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Grissom is drawn into tackling the supposedly solved case of a man awaiting trial for the murder of his wife and child. 12.00am Cricket On Five 12.55 USPGA Golf 1.45 BUPA Great Capital Run 2.35 ITU Triathlon 3.25 Boxing Classic 3.55 Boxing USA 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Football League 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Netbusters 12.30 Football League 2.00 LIVE International Cricket 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 On The Line 12.00am Football Asia 12.30 Champions League Goals 1.30 International Cricket 3.30 Revista De La Liga 4.30 Champions League Goals 5.30 On The Line
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Syed pushes Christian away. Meanwhile, Whitney drops a bombshell on a sorry Ricky. Usual misery business then. 8.00 Holby City Oliver continues to demonstrate a growing fondness for Daisha, while Chrissie discovers she is expecting his baby. Do these guys not meet anyone outside of the hospital, ever? 9.00 Lost Land Of The Volcano Second part of the exploration series combining stunning wildlife with high-energy adventure. A team of scientists and filmmakers have made basecamp on a remote extinct volcano at the heart of the tropical island of New Guinea. Very pretty. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The World’s Strictest Parents Sam North, 17, from Brighton, and 16-year-old Charlotte Hart from Essex go to Jamaica to live for a week under the Christian regime of the Roses. Rude awakening time. 11.35 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross Film news and all that jazz. 12.05am Weatherview 12.10 Sign Zone: See Hear 12.40 Rivers With Griff Rhys Jones 1.40 Land Girls 2.25 Neighbourhood Watched 3.05 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 3.50 BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Jamie and Gennie hit it off on their date? Paddy hires Pearl as his new receptionist. All abide by the new alliterative coupling rule in the village. 7.30 Grimefighters Series following the daily lives of Britain’s clean up teams. Can you guess what it is yet? 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity Angela Rippon represents Support Dogs and Martin Lewis plays on behalf of Citizens Advice. Then Samantha Bond and Diarmuid Gavin step up to raise money for Shooting Star Children’s Hospice and Action for Children respectively. Aren’t they good folks? 9.00 The Fixer The team are ordered to deal with a drug dealer whose Afghan drugs operation has cost the lives of British servicemen. For former soldier Mercer, the battle becomes personal. And moody. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Crackdown Doc charting an ambitious 24-hour police operation. 11.35 In Plain Sight Drama series about a secretive federal witness protection programme. A witness refuses to testify without marijuana to help with his social anxiety. Dude. 12.30am Red Bull Air Race 1.15 Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.10 Loose Women 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Frankie discovers that Newt has stopped taking his medication. Uh oh. Are dangerous former pretend people neraby? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage: Gone Fishing Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall visits the Hebrides in Scotland where he learns about how the sea and the food it provides have shaped life on the islands. Fish-shaped? 9.00 Jamie’s American Road Trip See highlights. 10.00 The Big Food Fight See highlights. 10.35 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reality series showing the lives of five New Jersey housewives. Danielle tries to bring an air of tranquility to the lives of the housewives by organising a spa party, but the mood turns sour when the guests circulate rumours about her. Huh! She didn’t?! She did! 11.40 Coming Up: Apples And Oranges Comedic short film. 12.10am Full Tilt Poker 1.10 World Superbikes 1.40 Gillette World Sport 2.10 The McCain Track And Field Show 2.35 MSA Formula Ford Championship 3.00 Rat Race Urban Adventure 3.30 British Triathlon Grand Prix 4.00 The Blue Dragon (x5) 5.15 Making It (x3) 5.30 We Are From... (x2)
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Bowls 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Elite League Speedway 11.30 Ocean Adventures 12.00pm Great Run Yorkshire 12.30 Elite League Speedway 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Football League 5.00 NFL – Total Access 5.30 On The Line 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Champions League Goals 11.00 Poker Million 1.00am UK School Games 2.00 Hyundai A League 2.30 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 3.00 Golf: World Corporate Golf Challenge 4.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 8.30am Asian Tour Weekly 9.30 Poker 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sportnation 1.00 Wild Spirits 1.30 Poker 3.00 Sportnation 4.00 Bowls 6.00 Sportnation 7.00 UK School Games 8.00 Bowls 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Golf: World Corporate Golf Challenge 12.00am NFL – Total Access 1.00 Golf: Challenge Series 2009 1.30 Bowls 3.30 Sports Unlimited 4.30 Close
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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 House 10.00 Greatest Champions League Goals 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Cold Case 1.00 Bones
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Underage And Pregnant (x2) 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 How Not To Live Your Life 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Don’t Tell The Bride 12.45am Underage And Pregnant (x2) 1.45 How Not To Live Your Life
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Tales From The Green Valley 8.00 History Of Scotland 9.00 Tweed 10.00 How A Choir Works 11.00 Rab C Nesbitt 11.30 Early Doors 12.00am Scotland’s Music With Phil Cunningham 1.00 Tweed 2.00 How A Choir Works 3.00 Tweed 5.30 Close
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 10.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible (1996) 12.15am Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie
2.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Profiling Colin Dexter 10.00 Inspector Morse 12.10am Reckless 1.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.05 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes
4.00pm The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Running In Heels (x2) 11.00 RuPaul’s Drag Race. See highlights. 12.00am Rick And Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple In All The World
4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 4.35 How Clean Is Your House? 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 True Stories 11.40 Location, Location, Location 12.45am True Stories
11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 12.50pm Laura (1944) 2.40 North To Alaska (1960) 5.00 A Room With A View (1986) Helena Bonham Carter gets trussed up in this Merchant Ivory period drama. 7.15 The Honeymooners (2005) 9.00 The Titanic (1996) 12.40am Memento (2000)
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wednesday 16 Swine Flu: Everything You Need To Know BBC1, 9pm You may be fed up to the back teeth with talk of swine flu, but the sunshine is waning and flu season proper is approaching, so now is the time to get our facts straight once and for all before everyone panics with each sneeze. Jeremy Vine is on hand to calm nerves and sooth brows.
Farmer Wants A Wife Five, 9pm Louise Redknapp hosts this new series about – you guessed it – finding a farmer a wife. Tonight’s lucky lad is arable farmer Derek, who must choose a girlfriend from a shortlist of four, which he whittles down to two. Fun dating show, no doubt, but whoever thought it should be hosted by a footballer’s wife? Hardly rural.
The Crow Road BBC4, 10pm A great opportunity to catch one of the seminal television dramas of the 1990s. This is the second in a four-part adaptation of Iain Banks’ darkly humorous novel, as Prentice McHoan’s search for his long lost Uncle Rory progresses. As do his affections for Verity, although a devastating discovery looms.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Wait For It..! 4.35 Animals At Work 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Trapped 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 FILM: Return Of The Bad Men (1948) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 See Hear 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Car Booty 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot 10.00 Wasted 10.35 Search For Cool 11.35 Teen Tycoons 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Grudge Match 12.40 My Place In The Sun 1.15 FILM: Buona Sera, Mrs Campbell (1968) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Champions League Goals 10.00 International Cricket 12.00pm On The Line 12.30 Champions League Goals 1.30 International Cricket 3.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.15 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Champions League Goals 1.30 Poker Million 3.30 Champions League Goals 4.30 Boots ’n’ All 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers Food writer Nigel Slater raids his cupboards, fridge and vegetable patch to create a week’s worth of delicious meals. If only we had his leftovers. Slobber. 8.00 Trawlermen The documentary series following the work of Scottish fishermen centres on the two greatest young skippers of their generation. On the Fruitful Bough and the Rosebloom, cameras follow brothers working for, and in competition with, each other. 9.00 Swine Flu: Everything You Need To Know See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws The midweek National Lottery draws, presented by Scott Mills. Imagine if you could just call work now and tell them you wouldn’t be in tomorrow due to a sudden case of millionaire? 10.45 FILM: Copycat (1995) Starring Sigourney Weaver, Holly Hunter, Harry Connick Jr, William McNamara. Tense thriller about the hunt for a serial killer who imitates the methods of notorious murderers. 12.40am Weatherview 12.45 Sign Zone: The Frankincense Trail 1.45 Land Girls 2.30 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 3.15 BBC News
6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Antiques expert Paul Martin travels to Reading to see Katie and Matthew Blundell who want to raise some money to send Katie’s parents to New York on holiday. 7.00 The Frankincense Trail Kate Humble concludes her remarkable journey from Oman, across seven nations to Jordan, and on to Israel and Palestine. 8.00 Masterchef The Professionals Four chefs have to earn the right to cook for the legendary Michel Roux Jnr by demonstrating their culinary expertise with a skills test of prepping whole squid and a palate test of cooking it. 8.45 Masterchef The Professionals More lush food. Mm. 9.30 Dragons’ Den Online Radio 1’s Dom Byrne is our guide to Dragons’ Den Online, the underground version of the hit show that has been operating exclusively online until now. Dom shows us some of his favourite raw pitches. 10.00 Shooting Stars Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer present the showbusiness quiz. Special guests are Hairy Biker Dave Myers, cleaning guru Kim Woodburn and Lee Mack. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Dragons’ Den: On Tour The Dragons head back on the road. 12.20am BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Bob’s attempts to keep his secret under wraps backfire spectacularly. Knew that ad in the local paper saying ‘Shhhhh!’ wouldn’t help. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Liverpool V Debreceni VSC Liverpool open their European campaign against Hungarian champions Debreceni VSC, the first team from that country to qualify for the group stage of the UEFA Champions League in 14 years. Anfield on European match nights retains all its old passion and noise, but has Rafa Benitez got the team back on track after a shaky start in the Premier League? Steve Rider presents with analysis from Andy Townsend. Commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Jim Beglin. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League Highlights of Arsenal’s Champions League opener at Standard Liege in Belgium and Liverpool’s match against Hungarian champions Debreceni VSC at Anfield. Plus all the goals from Tuesday and Wednesday’s games around Europe. 12.00am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 12.50 Loose Women 1.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.35 Your Money... Your Life: Tonight 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Malachy and Mercedes go to a fertility clinic to discuss the possibility of starting a family. Obviously the first step would be a name beginning with ‘M’. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Location, Location, Location In Oxfordshire, thrill-seeking couple Chris and Nikki are searching for a rural property to renovate. Meanwhile, Richard and Jane are looking for a family home with more space. Aren’t we all? 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Entrepreneur Liz Jackson lost her sight at the age of 26 but was determined to make a success of her life and now has her own business. She plans to spend eight days living undercover in London, meeting not only people living with disabilities, but also those who help others. 10.00 Ugly Betty Drama comedy. Betty finds herself at odds with sister Hilda in the midst of a family crisis. 11.00 Dawn Porter: Free Lover Journalist and single woman Dawn Porter travels the globe to look at the different ways that relationships can work. Dawn first immerses herself in the world of polyamory. 12.00am 4Music’s Top 20 2.05 FILM: The Sunchaser (1996) 4.05 Salvage Squad 5.00 Countdown 5.45 The Hoobs
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Game Ranger Diaries 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Rough Guide To Short Breaks 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Midwives (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Charlie’s secret is revealed. Hugo and Martha head to the farm. Not a euphemism. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Building The Ultimate Charts the development of the the stadium from the Roman Colosseum to today’s enormous sports and entertainment venues. Featuring a look behind the scenes at the engineering and design of Wembley Stadium. Rock on! 8.00 World War I In Colour Doc in which the latest technology is used to tell the story of World War I with colour images. This edition focuses on the development of aerial combat – from bomb squadrons to sea planes. 9.00 Farmer Wants A Wife See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Derailed (2002) Starring Jean-Claude Van Dammer. Action thriller in which an agent must derail a train containing terrorists, hostages and a pile of hi-tech bio-weapons with the lives of everyone on board at stake. Just a regular work day then. 11.45 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Documentary profiling the work of a police interception unit. 12.15am PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open III 1.45 Motorsport Mundial 2.10 Cricket On Five 2.50 Cricket On Five 3.30 UEFA Cup Classics 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Hyundai A League 7.00 International Cricket 9.00 UK School Games 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Poker Million 1.00pm Ocean Adventures 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 Golf: World Corporate Golf Challenge 3.30 Poker Million 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 7.30 LIVE: Live Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Champions League Goals 11.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 European Tour Weekly 2.30 Close
Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 Football Asia 8.30 On The Line 9.00 Golf: World Corporate Golf Challenge 10.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm UK School Games 1.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Hyundai A League 4.00 UK School Games 5.00 Watersports World 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 9.30 Boots ‘n’ All 10.30 Total Rugby 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Ocean Adventures 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Close Victoria Nangle
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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 FILM: Almost Famous (2000) 12.05am UK Border Force 1.05 Bones 2.00 Road Wars 2.55 Stargate Atlantis
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 FILM: Legally Blonde (2001) 10.30 How Not To Live Your Life 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Lunch Monkeys 12.20am Clever V Stupid 12.50 Don’t Tell The Bride 1.50 How Not To Live Your Life 2.20 Lunch Monkeys
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Talking Landscapes 8.00 Casualty 1909 9.00 Jonathan Meades: Off-Kilter 10.00 The Crow Road. See highlights. 11.00 FILM: I Know Where I’m Going (1947) 12.30am Balmoral 1.30 Dinner With Portillo 2.00 The Scots: Natural Born Sinners 2.50 JonathanMeades:Off-Kilter
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 FILM: A Cinderella Story (2004) 10.00 FILM: Ocean’s Twelve (2004) 12.20am Hell’s Kitchen USA (x2) 2.15 Emmerdale 2.40 Teleshopping 3.10 The Montel Williams Show
1.50pm Pie In The Sky 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life 11.00 FILM: The Guys (2002) 12.50am Cane 1.30 The Beiderbecke Affair 2.25 Home To Roost
12.40pm Scrubs 1.10 Scrubs 1.40 Friends 2.10 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Clueless (1995) 10.50 FILM: Elektra (2005) 12.45am Scrubs (x2) 1.50 How I Met Your Mother
3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Trafalgar Battle Surgeon 11.05 Saving Grace 12.05am Time Team
11.00am Siege At Red River (1954) 12.40pm Whirlpool (1949) 2.35 Victim (1961) 4.35 Three Came Home (1950) 6.40 Batman And Robin (1997) The campest caped crusader ever. 9.00 The Beach (2000) 11.15 Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ (2005) 1.30am Principles Of Lust (2003)
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thursday 17 Without A Trace Channel 4, 10pm & 11.05pm The FBI missing persons US drama is back with a double episode. Jack’s looking moody, Sam’s looking pretty, Danny’s looking keen as mustard and Viv’s looking as long-suffering as ever. Bless her. Opening cases are those of a man and his teenage daughter, and a grieving mother. Watch the timelines gang.
Being Human BBC1, 10.35pm It’s the last in the series, which means we’ll remember how much we desperately want the second series to come out NOW. Unfortunately we’ve still got to wait a bit. Getting up to speed, Mitchell the vampire has been staked and the vampires are looking to take over the world. Will our trio win out? So tense.
Clever V Stupid BBC3, 8.30pm Either you’re very clever or very stupid to go on a quiz show as a part of a team labelled ‘Stupid’. The proof is in the pudding. Matt Edmondson hosts this academically smart versus – in this case – supermarket workers quiz, testing creativity, emotional intelligence, dexterity and practical skills. Which is Matt?
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Kerwhizz 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 SMart 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Chilsren’s television 8.00 Trapped 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 FILM: Tension At Table Rock (1956) 12.30pm Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 1.30 Living In The Sun 2.15 Car Booty 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Antiques expert Paul Martin is in Peterborough visiting Bev Lindsey and her sisters, who would love to give their mother a holiday in Madeira. 7.00 Railway Walks Julia Bradbury embarks on a series of walks. 7.30 Escape To The Country Jules Hudson is in Ceridigion, West Wales helping a pair of singers find their perfect rural idyll. Good acoustics? 8.15 Masterchef The Professionals It’s the quarter finals, and the four winning chefs from the first four heats have to cook three courses of their own design for three restaurant critics. Only two can go through to the finals. 9.00 The Love Of Money The second part of the BBC’s series on the global crash examines the boom years. With testimony from many of the key decision makers, including Gordon Brown and Mervyn King, and featuring an exclusive interview with Alan Greenspan, it charts how the financial bubble grew and grew. 10.00 Mock The Week Dara O’Briain looks back at another week’s news with regulars and guests David Mitchell and Sarah Millican. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Dragons’ Den Another set of businessmen and -women pitch to the multimillionaire Dragons. 12.20am BBC News
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.10am The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot 10.00 Wasted 10.30 We Are Together 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: Bag Ladies 12.35 My Place In The Sun 1.10 FILM: There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Game Ranger Diaries 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.00 FILM: Sherlock Holmes Returns (1994) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Kirsty’s first day at university ends in a fight with Miles. Charlie comes clean to Angelo. Rachel is threatened by Jane. With a great big fly-swatter with massive flies dangling off of it. Perhaps. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. If one of them needed a filling would they lose thier job? Perfect teeth people. 7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action from matchday one as Everton host AEK Athens at Goodison Park. Kick-off is at 8.05pm. 10.20 FILM: The Replacement Killers (1998) Starring Chow Yun-Fat, Mira Sorvino, Michael Rooker, Jurgen Prochnow, Carlos Gomez and Frank Medrano. Action drama about an assassin who suddenly becomes a target. When he fails to kill the son of a police officer, the hit man finds himself in danger from those sent to replace him. Seeking a passport to return to China, he enlists the services of a forger, who joins him in his fight to elude his pursuers and return to his homeland. Hong Kong star Chow Yun-Fat makes his American film debut. 12.00am Cricket On Five 12.55 Quiz Call 4.00 NFL Classics 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Champions League Goals 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.00pm Total Rugby 12.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Champions League Goals 2.00 LIVE International Cricket 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am Powerboating 12.30 International Cricket 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 International Cricket
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ricky learns who really grassed up Sam and isn’t happy. Didn’t this love triangle thingy happen about 20 years ago already? 8.00 Watchdog Anne Robinson and the team right consumer wrongs, tackling the big names and businesses letting viewers down. Matt Allwright is investigating a man who claims he can cure cancer with his bare hands. Yeah mate, obviously modern medicine just ain’t got the magic touch. Hmm. 9.00 New Tricks Drama series featuring an eccentric group of expolice officers. The team return to the 1992 case of actor Michael Austin, shot dead by his wife on stage during the opening night performance of Death At The Masked Ball. Maybe he didn’t take the rubbish out. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Being Human See highlights. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott. It’s the Abbott and Portillo show! 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Design For Life 1.55 Land Girls 2.45 Countryfile 3.40 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.25 BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Chas worries about how Aaron will take the news of her break-up. Depends who tells him. 7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney explores Britain, highlighting the best of the ITV’s countryside programmes. 8.00 Emmerdale Cain turns the tables on Faye. Chas is rattled by the price of staying with Carl. £1.50. 8.30 Coronation Street Has Peter blown it with Leanne? Wouldn’t stand a chance without that cute kid. Norris is nervous about Ramsay’s funeral. 9.00 The Bill Max and Jo raid the house of Jimmy Mack but fail to find his consignment of drugs – or his missing girlfriend, Rochelle. Sally and Roger visit the home of former prostitute and drug addict Fran Morris, where her young son Noah has collapsed. Then Rochelle is found tied to a chair in Fran’s flat. Connected we-thinks? 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Billy Connolly: Journey To The Edge Of The World Billy Connolly continues his entertaining journey through some of the more remote regions of Canada, travelling from the Atlantic to the Pacific via the fabled North West Passage. 11.35 Surface Fantasy drama. 12.30am Motorsport UK 1.15 The Cosby Mysteries 2.10 Loose Women 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Lauren and Anita panic when the police turn up at school. That Anita’s fallen in with a bad crowd. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How Clean Is Your House? In Hull, Margaret has let her love for pretty things take over her home, turning into a clutter-filled nightmare. Kim and Aggie prepare the dusters. 8.30 Dolce Vito - Dream Restaurant It is the day of the big opening. Will Vito’s Italian staff cope with his British menu, and will the VIP guests give his restaurant the seal of approval? Back in the UK, Vito searches for the best whiskeys in Scotland. Nice work if you can get it. 9.00 Alone In The Wild Doc series following adventurer and cameraman Ed Wardle as he is dropped in Canada’s Yukon wilderness with just basic provisions. Not as easy as he thought. Surprising, that. 10.00 Without A Trace See highlights. 11.05 Without A Trace See highlights. 12.00am Teachers 1.00 The Scandalous Adventures Of Lord Byron 2.00 Extreme Male Beauty 2.55 The Dish 3.05 Dispatches: Middle Class And Jobless 3.55 3 Minute Wonder 4.00 Salvage Squad 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Hoobs
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 Boots ‘n’ All 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Total Rugby 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 Sailing: Med Cup 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Total Rugby 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Premier League Snooker 11.00 The Rugby Club 12.00am The Dogs 12.30 Race World 1.30 Golf Night 3.30 The Rugby Club 4.30 The Dogs 5.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 10.30am Sailing: Med Cup 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Ocean Adventures 12.30 European Tour Golf 2.30 Ocean Adventures 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 5.00 Trans World Sport 6.00 The Dogs 6.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.00 UIM Class 1 Powerboats 7.30 LIVE Championship Rugby League 9.30 WWE: Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am Premier League Snooker 4.00 Blair Castle Horse Trials 2009 5.00 Close
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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 Bones 10.00 Justin Lee Collins: Ten Pin Bowler 11.00 Fringe 12.10am Bones
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Off The Hook 8.30 Clever V Stupid 9.00 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Lunch Monkeys 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 12.50am Lunch Monkeys 1.20 Off The Hook 1.50 Clever V Stupid. See highlights.
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Portrait Of Scotland 9.00 Scotland On Screen 10.00 FILM: Gregory’s Girl (1981) 11.30 Scotland On Screen 12.30am Later... With Jools Holland 1.30 A Portrait Of Scotland 3.00 Scotland On Screen
3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Paris Hilton’s American Best Friend Forever 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 10.30 Entourage 11.05 Coronation Street 11.35 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999)
2.55pm Monarch Of The Glen 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Home To Roost 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Piers Morgan On... 10.00 Trial And Retribution 12.15am Profiling Colin Dexter 1.15 Numb3rs 2.05 Cracker 3.00 Teleshopping
12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.35 Friends 2.05 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Reaper 10.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 11.00 Free Agents (x2) 12.00am King Of The Hill
4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Jamie’s American Road Trip 10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.05am Without A Trace
11.00am Diary Of A Chambermaid (1946) 12.45pm The Court Martial Of Billy Mitchell (1955) 2.45 An Affair To Remember (1957) 5.00 Jane Eyre (1944) 6.50 Grease (1978) 9.00 Night At The Museum (2006) 11.10 Basic Instinct 2 (2006) 1.25am 2046 (2000)
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friday 18 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 8.30pm You know Christmas isn’t far off when Strictly returns to our screens, hosted by Brucie and Tess. This year the starting groups are no longer segregated by gender so expect to see your Hollyoaks-er (Ricky Groves), kicking it up alongside your sportsperson (Martina Hingis). Cha cha cha!
Derren Brown: How To Control The Nation Channel 4, 9pm & 11.40pm Ringing slightly of the children’s classic The Demon Headmaster, Derren Brown’s stunt tonight promises to literally have viewers stuck to their sofas. Freaky biscuits, man. Tune in for the water cooler moment of the weekend. Or just find you’re a bit tired and don’t want to get up.
Supernanny E4, 9pm Jo Frost has her work cut out when Mum and Dad don’t seem to want the ‘baby’ of the family to grow up. At three years old, Matthew is living off of bottles and dummies, and being indulged by his parents, much to his older sibling’s annoyance. Time for Jo to step in and for us all to learn ways of managing difficult folk.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Wait For It..! 4.35 Hotel Trubble 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Balamory 6.40 Bits And Bobs 7.00 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Animals At Work 8.00 Trapped 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Open Gardens 11.30 Castle In The Country 12.00pm Tennis: Davis Cup 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Trust Me I’m A Dealer Antiques expert Paul Martin is in West Sussex to meet artist Sally Scott and her mum Anne. Sally’s raising two children on her own and needs Paul’s help. Nappies, eh? 7.00 Bat Women Of Panama Nature documentary series. 7.10 Ganges Documentary. As the Ganges nears the sea it divides into the many channels of the delta, where boundaries between land and water are blurred. With crocodiles! 8.00 Mastermind The subjects are: The Life and Works of Oscar Wilde, Germanic Languages, History of Jazz Music 1917–1930 and Life and Films of Akira Kurosawa. 8.30 Gardeners’ World Toby Buckland plans for Spring. Bulbs? 9.00 The Tudors Historical drama series. With England’s enemies rallying, Cromwell connives to have Henry accept an advantageous arranged marriage. 10.00 QI Panel-based quiz where the aim is to be interesting. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion. 11.35 Later... With Jools Holland Extended version of Tuesday’s show. 12.40am Muse: A Seaside Rendezvous 1.10 Medium (x2) 2.35 FILM: Crucible Of Terror (1971)
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot 10.05 Booze: A Young Person’s Guide 11.00 Osama Bin Everywhere: The Many Faces Of The Islamic World 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Grudge Match 12.40 Property Snakes And Ladders 1.45 FILM: Carry On Abroad (1972) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Newt is sitting at Gaz’s bedside when Gaz has a seizure, and Newt panics and runs. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? David and Diane have £180k to invest in a holiday home, either in Dorset’s Lyme Bay or Tampa Bay, Florida. Jonnie and Jasmine help. 8.30 The Big Food Fight Food quiz. Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 9.00 Derren Brown: How To Control The Nation See highlights. 10.00 Peep Show Sitcom. Mark and Jeremy determine to enjoy their final days of freedom in credit crunch Croydon before Sophie’s baby arrives. 10.35 The IT Crowd Sitcom. Dashing Philip drops in from the sixth floor to ask Jen to the theatre, but a possible date turns into a work outing when Moss and Roy also get invites. 11.10 The Inbetweeners Six-part sitcom. Will discovers that going to a mixed sex school has its advantages. 11.40 Derren Brown: How To Control The Nation Derren Brown returns for a live and interactive Friday night special. 12.45am The Scandalous Adventures Of Lord Byron 1.45 FILM: Sherrybaby (2006) 3.20 Swimming 3.35 Brain Cell: BG Energy Challenge 4.00 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 4.50 Countdown 5.35 The Hoobs
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Game Ranger Diaries 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Rough Guide To Bang For Your Buck 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: Dawn Anna (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Belle is running out of time. Miles tries to reach out to Kirsty. Arms aren’t long enough. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. 8.00 Brighton Beach Patrol Documentary series following the work of the police, lifeguards and RNLI volunteers who patrol Brighton’s world-famous beach. 9.00 NCIS Drama series. A marine who supposedly froze to death turns up alive on Ducky’s autopsy table. As the team investigates his case, a link to Gibbs’s past emerges. Ex-wife? 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent American crime drama series. Detectives probe the murder of a surgeon who provided deaf patients with cochlear implants. After ruling out the involvement of a rival doctor, Goren and Eames suspect that radical deaf playwright. 11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. A successful young astronaut is murdered while visiting New York for a conference. 12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Powerboating 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.00pm Sailing 12.30 Barclays Premier League World 1.00 The Rugby Club 2.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Football League: Championship 1.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Gillette World Sport
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders Peggy is desperate, so makes a desperate decision. So too does Syed, as he faces a crisis with Christian. Stacey helps Bradley piece things together with Syd. Nice change that the only one not desperate is the one on happy pills. 8.30 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross, with guests including Britain’s best-loved double act, Ant and Dec; and music from rap king Jay-Z. Wonder what they make of each other. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw The EuroMillions Super Mega Jackpot draw, with new presenter Kelle Bryan and a performance from Cascada. Is that a new kind of air freshener? 11.45 Imagine... Jay-Z: He Came, He Saw, He Conquered Arts documentary series. Alan Yentob explores the life and work of the chart topping rapper and multimillionaire businessman Jay-Z. Word. 12.40am FILM: The Weight Of Water (2000) 2.25 Weatherview 2.30 Sign Zone: Economy Gastronomy 3.30 Home Time 4.00 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.45 BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Faye uses Cain to wind up Mark. That’s silly. That’s like using a hacksaw to scratch your toe. 7.30 Coronation Street Will Molly make Kevin miss his flight? Will Leanne come back to Peter? Can Corrie procrastinate any longer? 8.00 Fix My Finances: Tonight Martin Lewis and a panel of economists look at the best options for people looking to ‘fix’ their finances. For shopoholics everywhere. 8.30 Coronation Street Tyrone threatens to leave Molly. Dark and sticky stuff has hit the fan. And Jack leaves the Street. Say it ain’t so! 9.00 Rebus Detective drama. Millionaire philanthropist and people’s champion Gregor Jack is found with a prostitute just before he is due to chair a conference on African poverty. Then his wife Liz is discovered dead in a river and he becomes a murder suspect. Not his week really, PR-wise. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Memphis Belle (1990) Starring Matthew Modine. World War II drama based on a true story, which follows the young crew of the B-17 Flying Fortress bomber on a final mission over Germany. 12.30am FILM: Pavilion Of Women (2001) 2.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 The Rugby Club 11.00 Live Davis Cup Tennis 4.00pm Ocean Adventures 4.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 5.00 The Rugby Club 6.00 Gillette World Sport 6.30 Motocross 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 10.30 Football League Weekend 11.30 Gillette World Sport 12.00am Super League 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.30 Football League: Championship 4.00 Super League
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sailing: IShares Cup 6.30 Blair Castle Horse Trials 2009 7.30 Premier League Snooker 11.00 The Dogs 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Ocean Adventures 12.30 European Tour Golf 2.30 The Dogs 3.00 Blair Castle Horse Trials 2009 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Tight Lines 2.00 Motocross
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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Grease: The School Musical 9.00 FILM: Almost Famous (2000) 12.05am Bones 1.00 Road Wars 2.00 Street Wars 2.55 Stargate Atlantis
7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 Doctor Who 8.55 The Real Hustle On Holiday 9.00 Can I Get High Legally? 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Harper’s Island 11.10 Harper’s Island 11.50 Family Guy (x2) 12.35am Lunch Monkeys 1.05 How Not To Live Your Life 1.35 Can I Get High Legally? 2.35 Don’t Tell The Bride
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Leeds International Piano Competition 2009 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions 9.00 How A Choir Works 10.00 Caledonia Dreamin’ 11.00 Edwyn Collins: Home Again 11.40 Spiral II 12.30am How A Choir Works 1.30 Transatlantic Sessions 2.00 Leeds International Piano Competition 2009
12.00pm Coronation Street 12.30 Emmerdale (x2) 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy 6.30 Akon: The Hot Desk 6.45 The X Factor 8.00 The Xtra Factor 9.00 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) 11.30 What Katie Did Next 12.30am Coronation Street
2.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Death On The Nile (1978) 11.50 Life 12.50am Flashpoint 1.30 Wycliffe
3.05pm Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny. See highlights. 10.05 Wife Swap USA 11.05 FILM: Resident Evil (2002) 1.00am Scrubs (x2) 2.00 How I Met Your Mother
3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Forrest Gump (1994) 11.45 Dominick Dunne: After The Party 1.00am FILM: Forrest Gump (1994) 3.45 Close
11.00am The Malta Story (1953) 1.00pm Where The Sidewalk Ends (1950) 2.50 Move Over, Darling (1963) 4.55 Girls! Girls! Girls! (1962) 6.50 Crocodile Dundee II (1988) 9.00 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 10.50 The Fountain (2006) 12.40am The Edukators (2004)
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saturday 19 Walk On The Wild Side BBC1, 6.10pm It’s great when something is truly silly and entertaining for all the family. A collection of comics – from Jason Manfield to Sarah Millican – take inspiration from the Johnny Morris shows of old and put their own words into the mouths of various animals in wildlife films. Wolves cheating at bingo. Ace.
Merlin BBC1, 6.40pm The fantasy tea time drama is back with a second series, and Merlin’s been usurped by Arthur’s new servant Cedric. The low down dirty scum-bucket. Grr. There’s definitely plotting afoot, but without his own Bat-Phone to Arthur’s ear anymore what can Merlin do to stop it all? Maybe a certain scaly creature can help?
Lee Mack Live More4, 10.50pm If the week’s left you too tired to go out on this balmy Saturday night, let the night time entertainment come to you with an hour’s stand-up show from one of Britain’s leading comics. Recorded live at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre, get all the laughter with none of the train journey. Lush.
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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Eating In The Sun 12.00pm BBC News 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Athletics: Great City Games 2.30 Tennis: Davis Cup 4.30 Final Score 5.20 BBC News 5.30 South East Today 5.40 As Seen On TV
6.00 – am Children’s television 8.05 Gimme A Break 8.30 Diddy Dick And Dom 8.35 Wolverine And The X-Men 9.00 Skate Nation 10.00 My Almost Famous Family 10.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 10.55 Diddy Dick And Dom 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Animals At Work 12.00pm The Cut 12.25 Off The Hook 12.55 The 5.19 Show 1.10 Chart Jackers 1.15 Kyle XY 2.00 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross 2.30 Animal Park 3.00 Strictly Come Dancing 4.30 Tennis: Davis Cup 5.30 Saving Britain’s Past 6.00 FILM: Carry On Matron (1972) Starring Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Hattie Jacques, Charles Hawtrey, Barbara Windsor and Joan Sims. British comedy with the Carry On team about a gang’s plan to raid a maternity hospital to steal a gigantic stock of birth control pills. Of course. 7.30 Dad’s Army Classic sitcom. 8.00 Montezuma Might have something to do with yummy chocolate. Probably more to do with an Aztec ruler of the same name. 9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the classic news quiz with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 9.40 Mock The Week Comedy show combining the best elements of panel show, stand-up and improvised games with two teams of comedians taking a satirical swipe at the news. 10.10 The Last Nazis Through intimate and unique access, this trilogy of documentary films will tell three compelling stories. Most Wanted documents the journey of two young filmmakers who gain access for the very first time to some of the most wanted Nazi war criminals still alive. 11.10 Shooting Stars Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s quiz show. 11.40 FILM: Stark Raving Mad (2002) Starring Seann William Scott, Timm Sharp. Heist comedy. 1.15am FILM: Joy Luck Club (1993)
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Scratch ‘n’ Sniff’s Den Of Doom 10.10 FILM: Swallows And Amazons (1974) 11.55 ITV News And Weather 12.00pm Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity 1.00 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Murder In Three Acts (1986) 2.45 FILM: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Contenders 9.25 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Michael Jackson 10.25 P. Diddy’s Starmaker 12.20pm Beyonce: Video Exclusive 12.25 Orange Rockcorps 2009 With Sony Ericsson 12.40 Scrubs 1.10 Bestival: T4 Special 1.45 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 Come Dine With Me 4.25 Come Dine With Me 4.55 Come Dine With Me 5.25 Come Dine With Me 5.55 Come Dine With Me 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 FILM: The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring (2001) Starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Ian Holm, Viggo Mortensen, Sean Bean, Sean Astin, Liv Tyler, John Rhys-Davies and Andy Serkis. Lavish adaptation of the first book in JRR Tolkien’s epic fantasy trilogy about a young hobbit who inherits a ring with dark powers and embarks upon a dangerous quest to destroy it. Accompanied by eight others who have sworn to help him in his task, he journeys towards the land of Mordor with the servants of the Dark Lord Sauron in pursuit as they attempt to reclaim their master’s ring. The scariest repo men ever. 10.15 Red Riding The first in a trilogy of connected films set in Yorkshire during the 1970s and 80s, adapted from David Peace’s cult novels. A rookie journalist is determined to search for the truth behind the corrupt police investigation into a series of child abductions. He is soon drawn into dangerous territory when a body is found on a building site. 12.20am 4 Music: Bestival 2009 1.25 FILM: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992) 2.55 Reaper 3.40 How To Cope With Death 3.45 In The Time Of Angels 4.00 Salvage Squad 4.55 Countdown 5.40 The Treacle People 5.50 The Hoobs
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Noddy In Toyland 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 Mr. Men Minis 9.35 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 NFL UK 11.30 The Gadget Show 12.30pm Fifth Gear 12.45 FILM: The Big Valley: Flight Of The Lost Souls (1968) 2.45 FILM: Torpedo Run (1958) 4.35 FILM: The Naked Spur (1953) 6.20 Five News 6.25 NCIS Drama series. The discovery of a dead submariner leads Gibbs to believe that an impostor has infiltrated a submarine. 7.15 NCIS Drama series. A sailor’s death from ingesting emeralds leads the agents to Guantanamo Bay, where they must thwart a terrorist’s plot to kill one of their own. 8.15 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. When two bungee-jumpers report a death on the Brooklyn Bridge, Mac and Stella are called in to investigate – along with Mac’s new love interest, medical examiner Peyton Driscoll. 9.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. The CSIs investigate the murder of a federal agent at a gas station. Their enquiries lead them to two other FBI agents who are attempting to close down a human-trafficking ring led by the notorious ‘Os Punho’. 10.15 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series. A young boy witnesses the brutal murder of his mother. When he seeks revenge for her death, a legal battle over gun control ensues. 11.15 The FBI Files Documentary. 12.15am Quiz Call 3.55 The FBI Files 4.45 Rough Guide To Bang For Your Buck 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 1.15am Sky Sports Classics 1.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.00 LIVE Big Fight Special 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial
6.10 Walk On The Wild Side See highlights 6.40 Merlin See highlights. 7.25 Strictly Come Dancing Celebrity dance contest. Having performed a ballroom dance, the bar is raised for the celebrities, as they must deliver their Latin. Will they cope or crumble as they perform either a cha cha cha or a rumba? Clear back the sofa and have a go yourself. Mind the lamp! 9.05 The National Lottery Draws Gethin Jones is live from Lottery HQ with the weekend draws, and special guests Suggs and Woody. They sound like favourite teddy bears. 9.15 Casualty Medical drama series. As the department struggles to come to terms with the previous week’s events, the three new F2s feel the pressure. But which member of the team has something to hide? 10.05 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from the Premier League. A big thing of air goes towards a massive bit of space surrounded by wood. Okay – goals. 11.40 The Football League Show The Football League is averaging just under 100 goals per weekend this season, and Manish Bhasin introduces today’s Hot 100. 12.55am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 1.55 Weatherview 2.00 BBC News
6.00 People Do The Funniest Things Abroad Stephen Mulhern presents some surprising stories and hilarious home video clips. Does ‘hilarious’ really mean now what it used to mean? Where are the straightjackets? 7.00 The Cube Gameshow hosted by Phillip Schofield in which contestants must take on a series of challenges inside the Cube in a bid to win the £250,000 jackpot. Truly addictive in the most ridiculous way. 8.00 The X Factor In the penultimate audition before the Boot Camp stage and the assignment of the categories, judges Simon Cowell, Louis Walsh, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole continue the nationwide search. 9.15 FILM: Casino Royale (2006) Starring Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Dame Dench, Jeffrey Wright and Caterina Murino. Action-packed ‘reboot’ of the James Bond series. The newly-qualified 00 agent is sent on his first mission, investigating a banker suspected of financing international terrorism. 11.05 ITV News; Weather 11.20 FILM: Casino Royale (2006) More moody Bond and stunning architecture being blown up. Cool. 12.15am Cheryl Cole Video Exclusive: Fight For This Love 12.25 FILM: Carlito’s Way (1993) 2.50 Crossing Jordan 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 LIVE Air New Zealand Cup Rugby 8.30 LIVE Tri-Nations Rugby Union 10.30 NFL – America’s Game 11.30 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 2009 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 4.00 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 5.30 Kiteboard Pro World Tour 2009 6.00 LIVE: Super League (x2) 10.00 Premiership Rugby Union 11.30 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 1.00am NFL – Total Access 2.00 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 5.00 NFL – Total Access
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Friday Fight Night 9.00 WWE Smackdown 11.00 WWE The Bottom Line 12.00pm Gillette World Sport 12.30 LIVE Cricket: Pro40 League 6.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football (x2) 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 Davis Cup Tennis 5.00 Lanzarote Ironman
Victoria Nangle
extraterrestrial Sky1
BBC3
BBC4
ITV2
ITV3
E4
More4
Film4
1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Oops TV (x2) 3.00 Road Wars 4.00 The Real A & E 5.00 Grease: The School Musical 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Futurama (x2) 8.00 UK Border Force 9.00 Justin Lee Collins: Ten Pin Bowler 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Football Behind Bars 12.00am Road Wars
7.00pm The Real Hustle Las Vegas 7.10 The Real Hustle 7.25 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 8.15 Top Gear 9.15 Jack Dee Live At The Apollo 10.05 FILM: Legally Blonde (2001) 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Harper’s Island (x2) 1.40 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.40 How Not To Live Your Life 3.05 Off The Hook 3.35 Clever V Stupid
7.00pm The Great Ossian Hoax: McCall Smith Investigates 7.30 FILM: Mrs Brown (1997) 9.10 Balmoral 10.10 Screenplay: Boswell And Johnson’s Tour Of The Western Isles 11.10 Samuel Johnson: The Dictionary Man 12.10am Balmoral 1.10 FILM: Gregory’s Girl (1981)
3.00pm The Xtra Factor 4.05 The Cube 5.05 Paris Hilton’s American Best Friend Forever 6.05 FILM: A Cinderella Story (2004) 8.00 Superhuman: World’s Tallest Children 9.00 Pixie Lott: The Hot Desk 9.15 The Xtra Factor 10.15 FILM: The Island (2005) 1.00am Alexandra Burke Video Exclusive: Bad Boys
3.45pm There’s Something About... Christie 4.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 6.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 9.00 David Suchet: Poirot And Me 9.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.10 Behind The Scenes Of Poirot: The Mystery Of The Blue Train 12.15am There’s Something About... Christie 1.10 Brideshead Revisited
9.55am Heartland 10.55 Privileged 11.55 The Hills (x5) 2.20 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Reaper 7.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 100 Greatest Sex Symbols 1.05am Supernanny US 2.00 Gok’s Fashion Fix 2.55 The Class 3.20 Hollyoaks
12.05pm Time Team 1.05 FILM: 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) 3.30 3 Minute Wonder: The Witness Trees (x3) 3.45 Grand Designs (x5) 9.15 The Living Body 10.50 Lee Mack Live. See highlights. 11.55 The Living Body 1.30am Lee Mack Live 2.30 Time Team
11.00am Loving You (1957) 1.00pm Cheaper By The Dozen 2 (2005) 2.50 The Spanish Gardener (1956) 4.40 Say Anything (1989) 6.40 Batman And Robin (1997) 9.00 Without A Paddle (2004) 10.50 Jason X (2000) 12.40am Solaris (1972) 3.55 Close
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sunday 20 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Channel 4, 8pm Woo hoo! More celeb cooking, celeb drunken confessions and celeb houses to go snooping around! Coolio. Tonight’s mugs – sorry, celebrity chefs, are Dani Behr, EastEnders actress Laila Morse, Bobby Davro and Dane Bowers. Laila looks like a laugh and a half from that pic.
The Unforgettable... Richard Beckinsale ITV1, 11.15pm The biography show takes a fond look back at one of the bestloved comedy actors of the seventies, who starred in both Porridge and Rising Damp before dying of a heart attack aged just 31. Featuring contributions from his widow Judy Low and daughters Samantha and Kate.
Privileged E4, 7pm Ah, how the other half live; American teen shows seem a little obsessed with it. They’ve even thrown in a few ‘ordinary’ folk here to highlight the differences – like Megan, tutor to the Palm Beach brats. With her feet firmly on the ground, she races to the school to stop one of her wards cheating. Nice of her.
terrestrial
sport
BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
Channel 4
Five
Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 7.15 Match Of The Day 8.30 The Andrew Marr Show 9.30 Great North Run 1.35pm The Politics Show 2.35 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 3.10 EastEnders 5.05 Lifeline 5.15 Songs Of Praise 5.50 BBC News
6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Balamory 6.40 Bits And Bobs 7.00 Uncle Max 7.10 Diddy Dick And Dom 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Gimme A Break 8.00 Da Dick And Dom Dairies 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Undercover Dads 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Animal Park – Wild On The West Coast 12.30pm Escape To The Country 1.00 Tennis: Davis Cup 3.15 FILM: The First Great Train Robbery (1978) 5.00 Rugby League: Super League Playoffs
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Paz 9.35 Supernormal 9.50 Emu 10.05 Planet Sketch 10.15 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.30pm ITV News And Weather 12.35 Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.05 The X Factor 2.20 Columbo: Any Old Port In A Storm 4.20 FILM: Goldfinger (1964)
6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.10 FIA GT3 Championship 7.35 Freesports On 4 8.05 Rat Race Urban Adventure 8.35 The McCain Track And Field Show 9.05 Friends 9.35 Hollyoaks 12.10pm 90210 1.10 N Dubz: Video Exclusive 1.15 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Britney 2.15 Friends 2.45 Ugly Betty 3.40 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Scrapheap Challenge
6.00 – 8.35am Children’s television 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.05 Olivia 9.10 Little Princess 9.28 Mr. Men Minis 9.30 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Snobs 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Farmer Wants A Wife 12.00pm Animal Rescue Squad 12.20 Fast & Furious: Original Parts – New Model 12.55 FILM: Duel (1971) 2.45 FILM: Cannonball Run II (1984) 4.50 Five News 4.55 FILM: Back To The Future (1985)
6.00am Football First: Match Choice 7.30 Big Fight Special 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 6.55 LIVE: Super League 9.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 10.00 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 1.00am WWE Late Night Afterburn 2.00 WWE Vintage Collection 3.00 International Cricket 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly
6.05 South East Today 6.15 Land Girls Period drama series. Bea has been hiding her pregnancy from everyone for three months, but it is becoming increasingly difficult. Tucker is on the prowl for enemy sympathisers and Nancy is in his sights. Farmer Finch gets involved in a scam to flog homemade carrot whiskey. Yum! 7.00 Countryfile Country stuff. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return in a new series, with more fascinating stories and bombshell valuations. At Samares Manor in Jersey today. 9.00 Waking The Dead Drama. When Eve discovers that her new lover, Stefan, is implicated in a brutal murder, Boyd promises to support her. But when Boyd suspects Stefan of people-smuggling, Eve becomes determined to prove Stefan is innocent. Harmonious workplace. Hm. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: The Girl In The Park (2007) Starring Keri Russell, Sigourney Weaver. Drama. Sixteen years after her three-year-old daughter disappeared from the park playground, Julia becomes obsessed by a young woman she meets. 12.05am Weatherview 12.10 Sign Zone: A World Of Pain: Meera Syal On Self-Harm 1.10 Holby City 2.10 Bang Goes The Theory 2.40 Neighbourhood Watched 3.20 News
6.00 Lost Land Of The Volcano Second part of the exploration series combining stunning wildlife with high-energy adventure. The team have made basecamp on a remote extinct volcano at the heart of the tropical island of New Guinea ready to look for the rare and the weird. 7.00 Top Gear Motoring magazine. Jeremy drives the smallest car ever made, Richard races a Bugatti Veyron against the RAF’s Typhoon jet fighter, and the Ferrari 599 rips up the track. 8.00 Last Chance To See Stephen Fry and zoologist Mark Carwardine head to the ends of the earth in search of animals on the edge of extinction. In Madagascar the travellers encounter the biggest and the smallest lemurs on earth. 9.00 Dragons’ Den: On Tour With the Den closed for business, the multimillionaire investors are off on their first tour of the UK to find out what happened next. 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles offers up the last word on the weekend’s Premier League action. 11.10 Great North Run Another chance to see the highlights of today’s 29th Great North Run. 11.40 FILM: Bedazzled (1967) Starring Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Eleanor Bron, Raquel Welch. Cult comedy, based on the Faust legend. 1.20am BBC News 3.20 The Super League Show
6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 All Star Family Fortunes Loose Women Sherrie Hewson, Coleen Nolan, Carol McGiffin, Andrea McLean and Jayne McDonald play for Breakthrough Breastcancer, and take on the cast of Heartbeat – Joe McFadden, Tricia Penrose, Nikki Sanderson, David Lonsdale and Lisa Kay – for The Macmillan Nurses. 7.45 The X Factor It is the last leg of this year’s auditions, and we will see the final group of hopefuls from the record number who applied. 9.00 Doc Martin First in the fourth series of the comedy drama. Since Martin and Louisa both got cold feet on their wedding day, Louisa has left, and Martin has been finding life in Portwenn infuriating. Quelle surprise. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 Coldplay: The South Bank Show Melvyn Bragg presents an intimate portrait of one of the biggest selling bands in the world – Coldplay. The film follows them for six months as they tour Japan, and record their new Brian Eno produced album. 11.15 The Unforgettable... Richard Beckinsale See highlights. 12.00am Guinness Premiership Rugby 12.55 The Other Side 1.45 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.10 Kojak 3.05 Countrywise 3.30 Fix My Finances: Tonight 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Atlantic Convoys: The War At Sea Doc chronicling the biggest naval campaign of the twentieth century, which lasted for four years during WWII and claimed the lives of 100,000 people. By the turn of 1943, the Allies had developed technology to counter the U-boat threat. 8.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me See highlights. 9.00 Kevin McCloud’s Grand Tour Of Europe Kevin McCloud embarks on a journey around Europe, recreating journeys taken by an assortment of historical luminaries. He begins by retracing the footsteps of 17th century architect Inigo Jones, taking in Paris, Genoa, Parma, Vicenza and finally Venice. Lush. 10.00 Red Riding The second in a trilogy of connected films set in Yorkshire during the 1970s and ‘80s, adapted from David Peace’s cult crime novels. In 1980 detective Peter Hunter is brought in by the Home Office to conduct a secret review of the Ripper investigation. 11.55 My Name Is Earl US comedy. Earl decides to cross off number 91 on his list: ‘Made fun of Maggie Lester for having a moustache.‘ 12.25am My Name Is Earl 12.55 FILM: Pyaasa (1957) 3.25 The Playful Muse 3.50 3 Minute Wonder 3.55 Salvage Squad 4.50 Countdown 5.35 Sali Mali 5.40 The Hoobs
7.15 Cricket On Five Highlights of the seventh one-day international between England and Australia at Riverside in Chester-Le-Street. 8.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Rick Yune and Chad Lindberg. High-octane action thriller. An undercover cop infiltrates the LA street-racing scene in order to ensnare a villainous gang leader. However, the young officer finds himself drawn into his quarry’s illicit world and begins to fall in love with the hood’s younger sister. Bless. 10.10 FILM: Ronin (1998) Starring Robert De Niro, Jean Reno, Natasha McElhone, Sean Bean, Jonathan Pryce and Stellan Skarsgard. Action thriller about an American mercenary who is enlisted as part of an international team to steal a wellprotected briefcase before it is sold on to the Russians. The job is planned with meticulous detail, and the team is kept in the dark as to its contents. But it soon becomes apparent that someone in their midst has an agenda of their own when, after the heist, they discover that the briefcase has been switched. 12.25am Urban Legends 12.50 NFL Live 4.30 Cricket On Five 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
6.00am Gillette World Sport 6.30 Premiership Rugby Union 8.00 Motor Racing: Indy Car Series 10.00 LIVE International Cricket 6.30pm LIVE Spanish Football (x2) 10.00 International Cricket 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Golf Night (x2)
Sky Sports 2
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Spanish Football 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 Boxing 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 4.00 Great Capital Run 4.30 WWE Experience 5.30 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE: NFL 12.30am Super League 2.30 Great Capital Run 3.00 Close
Victoria Nangle
extraterrestrial Sky1
BBC3
BBC4
ITV2
ITV3
E4
More4
Film4
12.30pm Malcolm In The Middle 1.00 Ballroom High (x2) 3.00 Project Runway 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Grease: The School Musical 7.30 The Simpsons (x2) 8.30 Futurama 9.00 House 10.00 Ultimate Road Wars (x2) 12.00am Justin Lee Collins: Ten Pin Bowler
7.00pm Merlin 7.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 8.00 Doctor Who 9.00 Harper’s Island (x2) 10.20 Family Guy (x2) 11.10 How Not To Live Your Life 11.40 Lunch Monkeys 12.10am Harper’s Island (x2) 1.30 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 2.30 How Not To Live Your Life 3.00 Lunch Monkeys 3.30 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2)
7.00pm Crowdie And Cream 8.00 Tweed 9.00 Munro: Mountain Man 10.00 Spiral II 10.55 Jonathan Meades: OffKilter 11.55 The Crow Road 12.55am FILM: I Know Where I’m Going (1947) 2.25 Munro: Mountain Man 3.25 Tweed
3.30pm Cheryl Cole Video Exclusive: Fight For This Love 3.35 Kids Do The Funniest Things 4.35 The Cube 5.30 The X Factor 6.45 The Xtra Factor 7.45 Coleen’s Real Women 8.45 Johnny Vegas: The Hot Desk 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 Trinity 11.00 What Katie Did Next 12.00am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show
12.15pm Agatha Christie’s: Seven Dials Mystery 3.05 The Agatha Christie Code 4.10 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Death On The Nile (1978) 7.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 9.00 FILM: The Scarlet Pimpernel (1982) 11.55 Profiling Colin Dexter 12.55am PD James: Taste For Death 1.50 On The Buses 2.20 On The Buses
9.50am The Class 10.10 Roswell (x2) 12.10pm Dark Angel (x3) 3.00 Beauty And The Geek 3.55 Heartland 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Ugly Betty 7.00 Privileged. See highlights. 8.00 One Tree Hill 8.55 Friends (x2) 10.00 FILM: Clueless (1995) 12.00am FILM: Kalifornia (1993) 2.20 Gok’s Fashion Fix 3.20 Hollyoaks
12.05pm Scrapheap Challenge (x2) 2.20 How Clean Is Your House? (x5) 5.05 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.50 Jamie At Home (x2) 9.00 The Family 10.00 The Hospital 11.10 Father Ted 11.40 Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.15am TV Heaven, Telly Hell 12.50 Deal Or No Deal 1.35 The Family 2.35 The Hospital
11.00am Flying Tigers (1942) 12.55pm Quentin Tarantino On Inglourious Basterds 1.00 Carpool (1996) 2.45 The Million Pound Note (1954) 4.30 Jane Eyre (1944) 6.20 Phantom Of The Opera (2004) 9.00 The Beach (2000) 11.15 In America (2002) 1.20am Cabaret Balkan (1998) 3.25 Close
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monday 21 Blue Murder ITV1, 9pm Caroline Quentin and her fellow Manchester constabulary pals are called out to the countryside where local vet Ruth Turner has been murdered. Who’d do that? Well, there’s her cuckolded husband who she was about to leave; her lover; local farmers who felt a bit grumpy toward her… loads really.
Home Time BBC2, 10pm After leaving home at 17, ready to embrace the big, wide world, Gaynor Jacks has returned, aged 29, without so much as a peck on the cheek back. She’s jobless, boyfriendless and not feeling too clever about it. Time to turn to her three best friends. They may be cross she left but they’ll sort her out. Ish.
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition More4, 8.30pm The award-winning late night chat show hits global for the week. Luckily, as it’s so current, we only get it a day after it goes out Stateside so we can enjoy all of the comic reports, sketches and interviews with a knowledge of current relevence. That’s a relief.
terrestrial
sport
BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
Channel 4
Five
Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24/7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 School Of Silence 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Trapped 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 Pingu 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 1.00 Animal Park 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 A Garden In Snowdonia A year in the life of Bodnant Garden in North Wales. 7.30 Saving Britain’s Past Series charting the development of the conservation movement in Britain since the Second World War. Architecture critic Tom Dyckhoff visits Big Pit in South Wales. 8.00 University Challenge Magdalene College Cambridge is pitched against St Hugh’s College Oxford in another first round match. 8.30 Masterchef The Professionals Delicious food mouth-wateringly prepared. 9.00 Design For Life The ten surviving students from last week are set their first design challenge. 10.00 Home Time See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman. 11.20 Today At Conference Coverage of the day’s events at the party conferences. 11.50 The Love Of Money The second part of this series examines the boom years before the bust. 12.50am BBC News
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 The Farm Revealed 11.00 Day I Got The Sack 11.30 Teen Taboos 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Sweet Tooth 12.40 My Place In The Sun 1.10 FILM: A Town Like Alice (1956) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Faye continues to come between Mark and Natasha. 7.30 Coronation Street Chesney is outraged to learn of Fiz’s impending nuptials. How to send a boy off the rails in one easy step. 8.00 I Wish I’d Never Won: Tonight As the National Lottery reaches its 15th anniversary, the second ever youngest winner Callie Rogers reveals how she lost the 1.9 million pound fortune she scooped at the age of 16, and is now trying to rebuild her life. 8.30 Coronation Street Ramsay’s trunk causes consternation for Norris. 9.00 Blue Murder See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Honkytonk Man (1982) Starring Clint Eastwood, Kyle Eastwood, John McIntire, Alexa Kenin, Verna Bloom. Drama. During the Depression, a country and western singer ill with tuberculosis embarks on one last journey with his young nephew. The singer rolls south, taking an eventful drive towards Tennessee, looking for fame at the famous Grand Ole Opry before his sickness gets the better of him. 12.55am British Touring Car Championship Highlights 2.10 Loose Women 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The new freshers arrive in the halls. Charlotte’s mate Dave plans to start university life as he means to go on – ready to par-tay. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: Cops On The Cheap Documentary. Seven years after they were introduced, there are now 16,500 Police Community Support Officers working in the UK. Critics have always attacked them for providing policing on the cheap and a political gimmick, but their supporters say they have been useful in curbing antisocial behaviour and a visible reassurance to the public. 9.00 Daredevils: Iceman A series of films exploring what compels some people to risk their lives in order to push themselves to the physical and mental limits of human capability. In March 2009, 200 miles north of the Arctic Circle in sub-zero temperatures, Dutch daredevil Wim Hof attempted to run a full 26-mile marathon clad in only shorts and a pair of sandals. Certainly original. 10.00 Red Riding Concluding part in a trilogy of connected films set in Yorkshire during the 1970s and 80s, adapted from David Peace’s cult crime novels. 12.00am No Angels 1.05 FILM: Madhumati (1958) 4.00 We Are From... (x8)
6.00 – 8.00am Chidlren’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Nick Baker’s Weird Creatures 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.05 FILM: Storm Chasers (1998) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Belle dies in Aden’s arms. Nicole struggles with her friend’s death. Not a cheery time. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show. 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert is in Milford Haven to visit one of the UK’s largest oil refineries, where 88 million tons of crude oil are turned into petrol, diesel, jet fuel and other useful products every year. 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. Jason and Ortis use the latest technology to give themselves ‘superhero’ powers. Suzi tests out the latest home-security gadgets and Jon goes trekking with national treasure Brian Blessed. 9.00 Warship Documentary filmed on board a Royal Navy ship. The aircraft carrier HMS Ocean leads the Taurus task force through the South China Sea on the way to Brunei, where 500 Royal Marines will be deployed in the jungle. 10.00 FILM: Robocop 2 (1990) Starring Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Daniel O’Herlihy, Belinda Bauer. Sci-fi sequel charting the further exploits of the cyborg cop who patrols the streets of Detroit. 12.20am NASCAR Sprint Cup 1.15 Race And Rally UK 2.05 2008 Summer X Games 2.40 FIM Motocross 3.30 V8 Supercars 4.20 V8 Supercars 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Football First: Match Choice 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 International Cricket 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE: Irish Football 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 SPL RoundUp 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Irish Football 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Science series. Jem Stansfield builds a microwave death ray to prove the existence of invisible and untapped energy. Nice work if you can get it. 8.00 EastEnders Tanya and Jane get more than they bargain for when they swap husbands for the week. 8.30 Panorama Billions of taxpayers’ money has been handed out to keep the banking system afloat, but what exactly have the banks given customers in return? Panorama sets out a sorry tale of an answer. 9.00 Waking The Dead Drama. The horrific discovery of a living body farm makes Boyd realise that Eve’s lover is involved in illegal organ transplants. Not someone to bring home to Daddy. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Would I Lie To You? Host Rob Brydon joins David Mitchell and Lee Mack for the comedy panel show. 11.05 FILM: At First Sight (1999) Starring Val Kilmer, Mira Sorvino. Romantic drama about a New York architect who falls in love with a blind masseur. 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Watchdog 2.15 Wildest Dreams 3.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.00 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 NASCAR 12.00pm International Cricket 2.00 Boxing 4.00 Super League 6.00 Formula Kart Stars 6.30 Great Capital Run 7.00 Extra Time 7.30 LIVE: Elite League Speedway 9.30 Extra Time 10.00 Poker 11.30 Elite League Speedway 1.30am Poker 3.00 Netbusters 3.30 Irish Football 5.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.30am Great Capital Run 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm NFL 3.00 Davis Cup Tennis 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 History Of The ICC Champions Trophy 9.00 British Carp Angling Championships 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close
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3.00pm Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Football Behind Bars 11.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Bones
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Bizarre ER 8.30 Clever V Stupid 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Lunch Monkeys 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Clever V Stupid 12.20am How Not To Live Your Life 12.50 Lunch Monkeys 1.20 Gavin And Stacey
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Cambridge Folk Festival 2009 8.00 Mr And Mrs Mackintosh 9.00 The Glencoe Massacre 10.00 What Darwin Didn’t Know 11.30 The Dark Heart Of Italy 12.00am The Best Of Youth (x2) 3.05 The Dark Heart Of Italy 3.35 Cambridge Folk Festival 2009 5.30 Close
1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 The Cube 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (x2) 11.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 11.30 Coronation Street (x2) 12.30 FILM: Mission: Impossible (1996) 2.40 Emmerdale
12.50pm Heartbeat 1.55 Wycliffe 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Forensic Casebook With Matthew Kelly (x2) 10.00 Taggart 11.00 The Bill: Trust Me (Part One) 12.05am Wycliffe
12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Friends 2.05 Gilmore Girls 3.00 Veronica Mars 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Shameless 11.15 Scrubs (x2) 12.15am How I Met Your Mother 12.45 Roswell
4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition. See highlights. 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Saving Grace
11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 12.50pm The Court Martial Of Billy Mitchell (1955) 2.50 North To Alaska (1960) 5.10 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 6.55 One Fine Day (1996) 9.00 Persepolis (2007) 10.50 Basic Instinct 2 (2006) 1.05am Offside (2006)