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2/10/09
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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk
NEIL MORRISSEY:
★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★
on not behaving badly p13
6 – 12 October 2009
FREE WEEKLY
Good looking Funky frames, stunning specs and glamorous glasses at David Clulow page 11
WIN! Magners Comedy Festival tickets HEATHER MILLS Standing up for the BBC FESTIVE PARTIES Where to celebrate this Christmas
002_LS444_BB 1p
9/30/09
2:18 PM
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003_LS444_contents
10/2/09
11:58 AM
Page 1
welcome
L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 City Speak Columnists Heather Mills, Seann and Will 5 Social Diary Ink and the celeb-stocked Samaritans shop launches 5 Artwave The winner of the Open Houses readers’ poll 6 News 7 Days Of Headlines; Councillor Mary Mears 6 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters 7 Bookings The Stranglers, The X Factor Tour and Cornershop on sale 7 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week? 7 Competitions Win Magners Brighton Comedy Festival tickets 8 Snap Shots The Perils 9 Celebcity Labour Party conference special 10 Bare Cheek Would you like Bare Cheek to include more jokes? 10 Astral Angi The stars’ stars
07
13 L7 INTERVIEW Rain Man star Neil Morrissey on his first ever stage tour – and how to keep your chin up when you’ve just lost £2.5 million
We’ve had so many submissions in response to our search for a new Latest 7 columnist that we’re thinking of calling this thing Columnist Idol and getting someone with bad trousers and a very suspect hairline to judge. It’s fascinating to discover what’s going on in Brightonians’ heads, and we’re planning to print some of the best trial columns weekly from November. Keep ‘em coming. Right now, it’s Christmas party time – or at least Christmas party planning time, which is sometimes actually more fun. We’ve got seven pages’ worth of dinner menus and deals to help you book a festive celebration with your family, friends or colleagues (p19). This week we find ourselves with a complete curve-ball of a crush on Neil Morrissey, who’ll be starring in Rain Man at the Theatre Royal from 12 October. Yes, he’s the erstwhile face of Homebase and the voice of Bob The Builder. But the guy’s also got his very own beer (even if he does have to buy it from the supermarket like everyone else) and, when his property company went under recently, he proved himself a total gent by choosing to refuse bankruptcy. He tells us why on page 13. Elsewhere we’ve got interviews with poet Roger McGough (p27), Skunk Anansie’s Ace (p29) and stand-up Russell Kane (p33). Our News (p6) and Celebcity (p9) pages have the lowdown on the Labour Party conference. And, in Health, Zara Baker tests out a pair of shoes designed to mimic the benefits of walking barefoot (p15) – the perfect way to get your feet on side before all those Christmas parties.
11 LIFESTYLE 11 Cover feature Attractive eyewear at David Clulow 15 Health The latest in shoe technology from Vivo Barefoot 16 Travel An art-lover’s holiday in Holland 17 Food & Drink Generous portions and great wine at Whites 19 Christmas Parties Seven-page guide to celebrating in style 26 Hotlist 20 great restaurants and coffee shops
11
Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor
L7 Don’t miss...
27 WHAT’S ON 27 Stage Roger McGough on Moliere’s The Hypochondriac 28 Music and Clubs The return of Skunk Anansie 31 Art and Events The Land Girls exhibition and The Blind Tiger Club 33 Comedy and Film Russell Kane; what’s showing at your local cinema 34 Gay Everything from bingo to tango, clubs to karaoke 35 Reviews Our verdict on Comic Boom, Lamb and Tango Fire 36 Sport and TV Cricket column; seven-day guide to what’s on the box
Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay
Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Production Editor Victoria Nangle
Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell
Spaghetti Western Orchestra 9 – 10 October Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome With over 100 instruments and an unhealthy Clint Eastwood obsession, the Stomp of the soundtrack world should be the oddball highlight of the Magners Brighton Comedy Festival
Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Pearl Bates (Events) Jaime Pettit (Clubs)
Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi
Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless
01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH
When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.
004_LS444_Social Diary
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10/2/09
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LATEST DIARY
Latest diary Tim Richardson snaps the openings of new bar Ink and Hove’s starry Samaritans boutique
The coolest charity shop in town The opening of Brighton and Hove’s Samaritans boutique at 70 George Street took place on 10 September – World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s not your average charity shop. Local celebrities have got behind the venture by donating items to help the Samaritans raise money to run its centre in Hove. Steven Berkoff and legendary singer-songwriter Nick Cave are both on board – the latter contributing an extraordinary selection of tailored suits and jackets.
The Cheeky Girls (Monica & Gabriella) with Peter Jarrette
Clubbing moves up a level (or three) Described as ‘a brand new clubbing experience’, Ink, Brighton’s newest and trendiest place to see and be seen, opened it’s doors on 12 September on the sight of the old Sky Bar on Meeting House Lane. What an amazing transformation. Ink is set over three floors, with a VIP area offering table service plus an exclusive VIP room upstairs – tented with a Moroccan edge.
Artwave The annual visual arts festival for the Lewes District in East Sussex has just finished for another year, and once again the Open House competition was sponsored by Latest 7. Visitors were invited to vote for their favourite Artwave venue, and by voting were automatically entered into a prize draw to win an annual family pass to Newhaven Fort.
This year’s Open House winner is Driftwood in Bishopstone, near Seaford. Featuring the work of Mark Glassman, Geoff Stonebanks, Michele Findley, Paul Cox and Lou Johns, it seems to have won visitors over by the combination of sculptures in the garden, artwork in the house, plenty of tea and cake, and the beautifully kept garden itself. By selling the
refreshments, they also raised over £200 for Martlets Hospice. “It’s my first time with Artwave,” says Mark, whose landscapes are based on photographs he’s taken as well as images stored in his head. “I did Fine Art at Leeds, but it’s only been in the last year that I have focused on landscapes.” A member of the artist-run Chalk Gallery, Mark (whose studio is in the garden shed) gives a lot of credit to his partner Geoff who looks after their garden. “Some people cam e to see the garden but while they were here they had a good look around the work displayed in the house.” By day, Mark works at East Croydon College and, like almost all artists, would like to pursue full-time his true passion. “I sold three paintings plus some prints and cards, which is great. But I can’t give up the job just yet!” www.spaces.com/markglassman 2009
Karen Eubank with friend
Polly Jane Taylor
005_LS444_Seann/Will/VBites
10/2/09
11:56 AM
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CITY SPEAK 05
Seann
Will
Seann Walsh on an unlikely nocturnal pleasure
Will Harris wishes Sir Elton would adopt him
P
uick! Someone call the police! Another celebrity couple are adopting a baby from overseas, and this time the Great British Public will not be won over by Madonna’s mission to save Africa from itself, one child at a time. No! We will not be mollified by the pictureperfection of Brangelina’s multicoloured brood. No! This time it’s different. Because this time it’s fags. When last month Sir Elton John and partner David Furnish expressed their desire to adopt an HIV-positive baby from Ukraine, the media’s reaction was as swift as it was predictable. The Daily Mail’s Amanda Platell was the first villager to pick up the pitchfork, calling the singer “unreasonable, demanding, irascible, and with the filthiest of tempers”, before concluding – of course – that what children “need most is a Mum and Dad”. Miss Platell (who we must presume was fortunate enough to have had two parents of differing sex, and not to have sprung fullyformed like some sort of homunculus from Anne Widdecombe’s head) is at least honest in her opinion. Others have been less so. One argument I keep hearing goes like this: “I’ve got nothing against Elton but that kid’s not going to have a normal life, is it?” Well, great! Who wants a normal life anyway? Not the hundreds of thousands of us who queue up for The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent year after year, submitting ourselves to the scrutiny of an unfeeling industry in the hope of becoming a star. Not the 70 per cent of us who
laygrounds are for children and that's undeniable. What’s also true, however, is that they’re fun. Climbing frames, slides and swings, when approached with the enthusiasm they deserve, are a form of accidental exercise; that is to say, not exercise for its own miserable sake, but a pursuit of pleasure that ends up in the exertion of physical energy, which releases endorphins, which makes you happy. Playgrounds, when properly engaged with, are a spoonful of sugar to the bitter medicine of exercise.
immersed in the activity he may be, he will always look sinister. And, of course, pathetic. It is, after all, pathetic. There’s a fine line between rekindling childhood’s naïve enthusiasm and plain unhealthy regression. But context defines everything. So what you have to do is to change the context. An adult, alone, in a playground full of children, is a weirdo at best. So, you have to go along at a time when the playground is empty. I’m talking, of course, about the night.
“We stumbled upon something wonderful: a deserted playground” A few weeks ago I spent an afternoon in a playground with my friend and her nephew. In a prolonged moment of joyous regression, I found myself having more fun than the sixyear-old for whom these things were designed. It was one of those revelatory occasions when, in some deviation from routine, one thinks, “I want to do this again.” And so I made that resolution, with full endorsement from my friend. But there’s a problem: I don’t have the excuse of a child’s company. So, how does a bearded scruff in his twenties, with no familial or social links to any child, justify his presence in a playground? There’s a predictable, unpleasant and yet perfectly natural assumption to be made about any adult who turns up to a playground childless. However
I happened upon this idea when walking home with a couple of friends. We took a shortcut through the park, wherein we stumbled upon something wonderful: a deserted playground. Night is the only time when you can convince yourself, for blissful split seconds, that you and your present company are the only people on earth. Or, at least, that the place you currently inhabit is yours. The silence, darkness and calm of night time allow the imagination to indulge itself, freed from the commotion of daytime. What better context could there be to sit on a swing and just enjoy it? We were there for two uninterrupted hours, relishing every moment. It won’t happen again for a long time, if at all. In the meantime, we’ll carry on as normal, like everyone else, pretending we want to be grown-up.
Q
“So you worry baby Lev will be spoiled? He’ll be spoiled for HIV treatments” play the National Lottery each week, exchanging shiny pound coins for the fleeting dream of becoming millionaires. And certainly not the scores of unloved, unwanted children around the world, chained to cots in Romania or blind with disease in Zaire. If what those kids go through is normal life, sorry but you can stuff it! In Ukraine, only thirty HIV-positive children have been adopted since 2007. There are 32,000 orphans waiting to be adopted this year, with only 2,000 Ukrainian families lined up to take them. So you worry baby Lev will be spoiled? He will. He’ll be spoiled for HIV treatments he wouldn’t get in the Ukraine for one thing; medications that should enable him to live into old age. Whatever we think of Sir Elton’s motives, whatever platitudes we bandy around, he and David are giving that child a chance he wouldn’t otherwise have. So naysayers, ask yourself this: What’s the real reason you disapprove of these two men adopting? Shouting about ‘Mum and Dad’ values can’t make these children’s lives better. Multimillionaire recording artists can. If you’re reading this Sir Elton, adopt me! Please!
Fancy yourself as the next Seann or Will? Latest 7 is on the look out for a new Brighton voice. Send a 450 word sample column to bella@thelatest.co.uk
relentless barrage of adverts and caustic jingles burns into my subconscious and sends me running to the kitchen to make – yes – more tea! Programmes, like 24, Heroes, Dexter, and Grey’s Anatomy are superb. A zillion adverts designed to light a torch to your contentment every time you sit down, nachos in hand, to watch your favourite programme is a bit of an unfair trade off. Heather Mills misses US drama – but not the ads A clever ploy perhaps, so I buy the series DVD? Not because I’ve seen the advert, but because I’m prepared to spend the money to avoid it. got back from the States recently. I do really love There’s been much talk about the BBC being America, but I love to come home to Brighton and Hove. “Another relentless overblown from David Cameron and JamesI smile when I reach the steep rollercoaster A23 Mini-Me-Murdoch. Fingers crossed a barrage of adverts motorway descent and am positively beaming at the favourable coverage deal hasn’t been ‘WELCOME TO BRIGHTON’ Patcham roundabout. struck by the Tories in exchange for sends me running to Sometimes it takes going away for a while to further TV deregulation that would appreciate home. It helps to crystallise just what it is you the kitchen to make bring us a further step toward love about Brighton. Just an afternoon spent in one of American-style TV. – yes – more tea!” England’s more homogenised towns and I’m arms in the The BBC exists to serve the public air excited to be back on the A23 big dipper and return to interest. If Auntie Beeb is a fairour seaside refuge for the open mind. The colour, the minded, objective relative, individualism and the vibrancy of the North Laine are unique and not to be American news channel, Fox, is a scary cult leader taken for granted. A long stay in America and I must say I do tend to get a messing with your mind to convert you to his point little bit misty-eyed about home. of view. Take American TV. Don’t get me wrong I love some of the programmes but The BBC is not perfect but its charter acts as a the incessant adverts gnaw at my nerves. I end up turning the telly off during backbone of quality, making my favourite programmes just for a little bit of peace. An English lady in it the best in the world and it America can only make so much tea! should not be punished for To a Brit, American TV acts as one huge advert for the BBC and the license fee the success of this format. format. I don’t want my fave programmes interrupted every five minutes for a brand name anti-depressant ‘I really should be asking my doctor for’. I feel fine; Do you agree with Heather? comment@thelatest.co.uk really, although, I am beginning to feel a little bit nauseous after another
VBites of wisdom
I
Sci Fi
006_LS444_newsphil/Council 1
10/2/09
11:05 AM
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06 LATEST NEWS
L7 News
latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk
7
days of headlines with Phil Mills
The Labour Party conference brings protesters and armed police to our streets, while a local charity has global vision
A
rmed police on the streets of Brighton and Hove was the vision many local residents took away with them from the Labour Party conference last week. It wasn’t a tired-looking Gordon Brown attending the last conference before a General Election, and perhaps his last as party leader. It wasn’t the city coffers filling with £10 million, or the tale of a redfaced Lord Mandelson being denied access to the conference because of a problem pass, or the hundreds of demonstrators outside the Brighton Centre for a variety of causes.
It still comes as a shock to see British Bobbies armed to the teeth with lethal weapons, their fingers hovering over triggers – especially as the Prime Minister and his wife Sarah were attending a service at Gloucester Road Baptist Church. It is an indictment of the times of terrorism we live in and a consequence of the IRA bombing of the Grand Hotel during the Tory conference in 1984. On to a more uplifting story and the fantastic work of a charity which, to date, has restored the sight of 5.6 million people. Yes, 5.6 million.
Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears joins the 10:10 campaign
T
ackling climate change is right at the top of the political agenda at the moment and there are encouraging signs that significant progress is being made. At the recent UN gathering, for example, the World’s largest CO2 producer – China – indicated a willingness to begin curbing its emissions ahead of the vital summit in Copenhagen in December. Back home, in the UK, momentum is growing for something called the 10:10 campaign.
The Haywards Heath-based Sightsavers International will mark World Sight Day (8 October) with a call to help the 20 million women worldwide who are “needlessly blind” see again. “Women are still often last in line for medical care,” said a spokeswoman. “Especially in developing nations. Cultural, social and economic factors act as a barrier for women when accessing medication, surgery, eye tests and glasses, leaving women more exposed to blindness.” Dr Caroline Harper, the charity’s chief executive, said: “It is unimaginable in the developed world that a person could be last in line for medical care simply because they are a woman. “Blindness affects 45 million people worldwide and unless more is done then that figure will double in the next 25 years. That is why it is imperative we raise the awareness about women and blindness.” To help, contact www.sightsavers.org/women Lastly, it was nice to see the ribbon cut on a new public toilet in Brighton’s Madeira Drive, a facility designed especially for people with severe disabilities. The city has a top reputation for its water closets and last year it won 28 awards in the national Loo Of The Year Awards run by the British Toilet Association. Is that what they mean by being flushed with success? How did you feel about seeing armed police on our streets? comment@thelatest.co.uk
10:10 is a national campaign designed to unite individuals, businesses, councils and other organisations behind one simple idea – that by working together it will be possible to achieve a 10% cut in the UK’s carbon emissions in 2010. I’m delighted to say that I have committed Brighton and Hove City Council to signing up to the 10:10 campaign. We are debating it at our Full Council meeting on 8 October, and I very much hope that we can get cross-party support. Over 20,000 individuals and organisations have already signed up and I would urge anyone who feels that they (or their organisation) are able to take this step, to do so at www.1010uk.org
Hidden behind the scaffolding of the Royal Albion Hotel is a small grey plaque bearing the words ‘If you seek his monument, look around’. If you do, you’ll see a pier packed with people and the hustle and bustle of a busy seaside town. It wasn’t always like this. Back in the day, when Brighton was called Brightelmstone, it was just a small fishing village. That all changed thanks largely to an elderly doctor from the nearby town of Lewes. Dr Richard Russell believed in the healing qualities of the sea. He prescribed his patients bathe in it, breathe in its air, even drink it. In 1750, he wrote a dissertation on the benefits of sea water in a book that captured the imagination of England’s nobility. The town quickly grew into the country’s premier seaside resort. This year marks the 250th anniversary of Richard Russell’s death. Sadly, no one thought to do anything to commemorate his achievements. It’s as if his memory has been washed away, leaving just a halfhidden stone. So come on Brighton, you have three months in which to make amends and celebrate the man who did more than anyone else to put you on the map. Gary Marlowe, Littlehampton, by email Catching a bus to Devil's Dyke may well be expensive [Latest Inbox, 443], but it's the car park fees they introduced this year that put me off going there. A 20 minute walk in the countryside now costs the same as parking up Devil’s Dyke all day. It’s all very well the fees go towards preserving the countryside, but many people will find new places to take walks. Dean, Hove, by email You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH
I am under no illusions that this will be an extremely tough target for us to meet, not least because the Council’s property portfolio includes civic buildings, schools and over 12,000 council houses. However as a community leader and the largest employer in the city, we set an example on this issue. The benefits will be enormous, not least because it will make our operations and buildings more energy efficient, thereby saving council taxpayers money. While we are on the subject of challenging targets, for the budding Paula Radcliffes amongst you there is still an opportunity to take part in the Brighton Marathon – please see www.brightonmarathon.co.uk.
007_LS444_Bookings/Comps/chart
10/2/09
11:43 AM
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BOOKINGS | COMPETITIONS | CHART CORNERSHOP
L7 Bookings
Digital, 29 October £10, www.yourfutureisdigital.com Made temporarily sort-of famous by Fatboy Slim’s remix of ‘Brimful Of Asha’, and criminally underappreciated ever since, the duo return in support of their first album in nearly a decade, the brilliant Judy Sucks A Lemon For Breakfast.
On sale this week…
JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, 29 March – 3 April 2010 £17.50–£30, www.worthingtheatres.co.uk, 01903 206206 You know the score – here featuring Craig Chalmers, one of the most popular finalists in the BBC’s Any Dream Will Do series, in the title role.
THE STRANGLERS
THE X FACTOR LIVE 2010 Brighton Centre, 27 February 2010 (also 28 February, 2.30pm and 7.30pm, seats still available in the West Balconies) £28.50, www.brightoncentre.co.uk/0844 847 1515 The sixth series of this most gratuitous of talent shows may only recently have started, but, like Christmas decorations in October, tickets for the accompanying 2010 X Factor tour have been on sale for some time. This second Brighton date has just been added – though we’re no closer to knowing who the attending finalists will be.
House, Hugh Laurie’s curmudgeonly American doctorcum- detective of obscure medical conditions, has reached the grand
1 No Sharp Objects – The Wrong Kind Of Love 2 No Sharp Objects – Home 3 Zoe – Conquistador 4 Panos Christofi – If You Do What You ... 5 Jaybee – Brokeback Mountain
8 Chaos Borne – Watching 9 BreakinBear – Rebel In Chief 10 Jaybee – My Imaginary Friend
JOANNA MACGREGOR Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 11 April 2010 £10–£18, www.brightondome.org/01273 70909 The curly-haired British concert pianist and former Mercury Prize nominee will perform Bach, Chopin, Piazzolla and Mussorgsky’s ‘Pictures At An Exhibition’.
Sixties-influenced rockers No Sharp Objects extend their reign at the top of the charts this week with yet another double-hitter from ‘The Wrong Kind Of Love’ and ‘Home’ at one and two respectively. Last week’s number two, Zoe, slides to three, though the gentle country-fried class of the melancholy ‘Conquistador’ remains undiminished. At four and five are former number ones from ever-present jousting pop singersongwriters Panos Christofi and Jaybee.
11 Surrender Monkeys John Agar was Right 12 Jim Guittard Listen to Your Voice 13 Rubber Johnny Trum Pet
WIN!
Q Which venue is Best Of The Fest being held at?
A HOME VISIT FROM HUGH LAURIE
Brighton Download Chart TOP 10 Latest
7 Jaybee – Oskar And Eli
COMPETITIONS Catch all the best comedians in one evening with one of two pairs of tickets to Best Of The Fest at the Concert Hall, Brighton Dome on Friday 16 October. The evening will feature different comedians from the festival and is hosted by brilliant Irish stand-up Jason Byrne.
To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart
6 Gordon's Alive – Taxi In 5
Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 9 March 2010 £23, www.brightondome.org/01273 70909 They may be over 30 years old and lacking original frontman Hugh Cornwell but the melodic punk rockers behind ‘Peaches’ and ‘Golden Brown’ can still deliver a contagious punch. The line-up now comprises original members keyboardist Dave Greenfield, drummer Jet Black, and bassist Jean-Jacques Burnel, who shares vocal duties with newish guitarist Baz Warne – said to have a very convincing snarl.
MAGNERS BRIGHTON COMEDY FESTIVAL TICKETS
07
old age of five series. And we’re offering you the chance to win them all in one massive box set. Q What is House’s first name?
A GIRL’S NIGHT IN Bellow along with your hairbrush to classic tunes from the likes of Mamma Mia!, Love Actually, 17 Again and The Wedding Singer with a copy of the new Totally Chick Flicks CD. Q Which band sang ‘Every Little Thing She Does is Magic’?
TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN,
EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk
with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 19 October.
21 Mr Resonate Brighton Bubblin feat. Lionheart. 22 Freudstein Misadventure Gary Hughes Remix 23 The Mojo Fins In the Script
14 Rubber Johnny Fist
24 Land of Plenty On Sleeping, Wakes
15 Rubber Johnny Track 5
25 The Last Cry Rebekka
16 Jaybee Miles to Go
26 EVOH I Love Brighton
17 Chaos Borne The Moment
27 THE GAA GAA'S Entertainment
18 Chaos Borne I Will
28 Freudstein Sister Sleaze
19 900 Spaces Shake it Up
29 Mara Project The Path You Take
20 The Fooley Mantras Break Away
30 The Dilators You Got the Gun
SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos
SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart
008_LS444_Snap Shots
10/2/09
1:29 PM
Page 2
08 SNAP SHOTS
Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: The Perils
“
One of the best gigs we’ve ever played in Brighton was at the launch of Coalition down on the beach. We ended up back at Norman Cook and Zoe Ball’s place playing Twister all night. Who won? I did of course! Our singer Danny was too busy trying to find good music on Zoe’s iPod and the others couldn’t stand on one leg – for obvious reasons
Bassist Jonny Scafidi [far right] of local rock band The Perils, here all pictured winding down after a riotous gig at the Latest Music Bar. Catch them again on 8 October at Concorde 2.
”
have your party here! call angi on 01273 687171
CAROL CLEVELAND The Monty Python female star presents for Python's 40th anniversary
Pom Poms Up! atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night amy winehouse & the kooks partied here… now it’s your turn the one-stop party spot you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all weddings, civil partnerships, birthdays, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights
Carol's uniquely funny, saucy and almost biographical look at glamour girls.
call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk and book the venue for free*
Latest MusicBar Sun 11 Oct – 8pm £10/£8 Ring 01273 687171 for tickets
*subject to conditions
Manchester Street, Brighton
Tel. 01273 687171
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
009_LS444_celebcity
10/2/09
11:00 AM
Page 1
CELEBCITY 09
SPONSORED BY
Celebcity with Jo Brooks Celebcity peers behind the scenes at the Labour Party conference
Mandy’s made up T
he annual Labour Party conference tour bus lurched into Brighton last week, bringing the great and the good of politics along for the ride. The five day conference fest ran from Sunday to Thursday with speeches at the Brighton Centre. Most notable was the speech given by the “comeback kid” Peter Mandelson last Monday, including the now famous words “if I can come back, we can come back.” We caught up with Mandy last Wednesday, as we were asked to assist in a press call he was giving alongside Business Minister Pat McFadden and head of the Unions Derek Simpson. The point of the press call was to raise awareness of the annual increase of the minimum wage and to highlight a campaign backed by the Daily Mirror about fair tipping in restaurants (www.fairtips.org). TABLE restaurant in Jubilee Street, which had already signed up to the campaign, was chosen as the backdrop for the media. Mandy arrived by 202020 taxi looking perfectly groomed – and with, dare I say it, a bit of makeup as he faced the political journos and TV cameras – and was happy to pose for pictures at the end. Sid
Mikele Addis of Donatello and Eddie Izzard
CONFERENCE CUTS BEXHILL-BORN COMEDIAN EDDIE IZZARD, back from his record breaking fundraising feat of running 43 marathons in 51 days, spent the whole week at the conference. He cosied up to ex-Labour leader Neil Kinnock and wife Glennis. Eddie was obviously missing his carbs as he was spotted tucking into a large plate of pasta at Donatello restaurant. THE PRIME MINISTER’S WIFE SARAH BROWN, so called “queen of Twitter”, didn't let her stay in Brighton interrupt her tweets – she posted several times including: "Had nice walk along Brighton beachfront this morning with Gordon – hope it is not the only fresh out-door sea air we get all week”.
CHANNEL 4 NEWSREADER KRISHNAN GURU-MURTHY held a Twitter workshop for MP’s including brothers David and Ed Milliband, at The Grand hotel. Krishnan told me over a drink at Lucky Voice that they reached the top ten most talked about things on Twitter during the session – pop will eat itself! DAVID DIMBLEBY hosted BBC1’s topical debate show, Question Time, from St Bartholomew’s Church last Thursday night – audience guests were all given a bottle of wine after taking part, “to watch the show at home with”. CHRIS EUBANK managed to catch up with Gordon Brown and chat to him about his new gym chain – Chris told me the PM was very enthusiastic about his project so watch this space!
Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk
Peter Mandelson with Jo Brooks (left) and Jackie Harrison
Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com
10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of November 2009 excluding Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers
10
9/30/09
3:27 PM
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ONLY JOKING!
Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
HAVE YOUR SAY
Should we... • Get rid of Brian ❑ • Get rid of Joe ❑ • Get rid of Brian and Joe and replace them with an anodyne, curly-haired pretty boy ❑
LEONARD COHEN (No. 78B) – once used the toilet at Brighton Station while changing to Seaford.
❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑
The one thing that would improve Bare Cheek beyond measure is... • A soft rock soundtrack ❑ • It's immediate cancellation ❑ • Less self-referential tosh like this ❑
There should be more... • Jokes ❑ • Sex ❑ • Violence ❑ • Bad language ❑ • Slighting references to Dave Bramwell’s various projects ❑ • Recipes ❑ • Pictures of Eliza Skelton in kneelength boots and a minidress ❑
Brighton bus names explained We explain what connections to Brighton those names emblazoned on the front of local buses have...
There should be fewer... • Jokes • Bitter, bile-filled statements dripping in envy and thwarted sexual longing • Pictures of knockers • References to Nick Cave • References to Simon Fanshawe • Death threats • Anecdotes about Henry Beerbohm Tree • Lewd limericks
❑ ❑
PAUL MICHAEL GLASER (No. 15) – an Aldrington man was once inspired by his trademark look as Starsky to purchase a leather bomber jacket from Hardix in Imperial Arcade in 1979.
In & Out Special punchlines to oriental jokes edition
In • How High • Who Flung Dung? • Two Thirty • This Chicken’s Rubbery • Many Hands Make Light Work
Out • How Long • Make Me One With Everything • Ed Zachery Disease • Supplies!
Canvassing public opinion is increasingly popular these days. The government, a business, or a local council will ask for your input on anything from the reclassification of illegal drugs to building a new ring road or the flavour of a limited edition Kit Kat. They will then utterly disregard what you’ve said and do what they were going to do anyway. But at least they asked. So we at Bare Cheek have decided to do exactly the same thing. Please tick which of the following boxes you agree with and return the page to us c/o Latest 7.
• In jokes • Incitements to racial hatred
010_LS444_cheeky/stars
What we used to say ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON (No. 23) – replied to a Hove fan’s written request for an autograph with an invoice.
An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of ghastly, overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms.
WYCLEF JEAN (No. 11) – did some sick that looked a bit like the Pavilion.
WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Intuit”
EMPEROR HIROHITO (No. 26A) – nearly watched a video of Quadrophenia in 1988 but opted for Working Girl instead.
Verb. Backformation from the noun “Intutition”, as in “I intuit that some of the personnel are unhappy with the new arrangement.” WHAT WE USED TO SAY: Sense
BARDSLEY’S
Astral Angi
This week Astral puts the stars in the stars
★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}
★CANCER {June 22–July 22}
★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}
★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}
★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}
★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}
★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}
Scorpios are often seen as armourplated and tough, but Jack Duckworth is clearly made of rubber as no matter what life chucks at him he simply bounces back.
★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}
Aquarian Ashley Peacock is a gentle, thoughtful, spiritual man. He finds solace in butchering meat, yes, but at heart he is a pacifist. He needs to be – married to that evil harridan.
★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}
★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}
★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}
★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}
Arians need to store up all their reserves to deal with everything life throws at them. Take Gail Platt for example, please? Seriously, how much more can she take on the chin. Taureans can be seen as the bulls that walk into the china shop, and who more so than the delicious Kelly Crabtree whose size 10 sling-backs are always in her mouth. Geminis can often be seen as being in two minds about things. Janice Battersby sometimes struggles to prove she has one mind, let alone two, bless her.
WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN
01273 681256
Cancerians like to prove they have a tough outer shell and Jason Grimsby has done this by growing a tough six pack with all the added extras. Underneath, though, he is just a softie. Leos may like to growl but is it really them? Chesney Battersby-Brown, despite his terrible up-bringing, is a little lion at heart, but you would struggle to see that at first glance. Virgos like Kevin Webster are wild cards in the Virgo pack. Often shown as a dull plodder, he is really a smouldering sex god. Virgo maybe, but he has something else rising.
Librans are the balanced ones, and there are none more balanced than Ken Barlow. He manages to balance a wife, a mother in-law and a mistress all at the same time despite his age.
Sagis are all cardigans and custard creams, and no matter how hard he tries, Tyrone Dobbs reverts to type as sleepy, unambitious and prematurely middle aged.
Capricorn David Platt was born on Christmas Day. To hell with astrology, he is the antichrist and we will find a sequence of numbers on his body, even if it is a victim’s mobile number.
Piscean Norris Cole is the wet fish of the soapy firmament and would be spiced up by being dipped in delicious batter and thrown into the hot fat at Bardsley’s.
011_LS444_davidclulow
9/30/09
5:34 PM
Page 1
11
Everything is in the frame at David Clulow
W
earing glasses these days does not mean making a specatacle of yourself. And nowhere demonstrates this better than David Clulow, where style and fashion are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to choosing frames. At David Clulow they have a committment to the highest standards of optical testing and advice. Once that is done, the service continues so that they help you to make the right decision about what type of frames will suit all of your needs. From a wide range of designer frames they can show you a variety of looks. Do you want to look smart and businesslike or sexy and fun? Are you sporty or studious, or do you hate the idea of glasses and want to go down the route of contact lenses? The fully qualified staff at David Clulow are there to guide you through all the options. And with frame prices starting at £79 you will be suprised at just how affordable some of the top designer ranges can be. For many people, their glasses are the one constant in their wardrobe, so why skimp on the one fashion statement you wear every day? Here and on this week’s cover, we have taken one stunning face and shown how different the effect of a pair of glasses can be. From cheeky retro to flagrantly funky, the choices are all here, and David Clulow are on hand to make sure you find the right frames for you. David Clulow Opticians, 25 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL, 01273 737 578, www.davidclulow.com
LOOKING GOOD
READER OFFER Free spectacle style consultations, simply go to David Clulow and ask for their advice. Plus £35 off complete specs for Latest 7 readers. Offer valid until 4th December ‘09. Not valid in conjunction with any other offer Frame ref: 76033
Frame ref: 76033
Frame ref: 771412
Frame ref: 77984
Frame ref: 77325 Photography by Charlotte McPherson 01273 697360, Hair by Gary at Ford Hair 01273 609837, Make-up by Jez Eaton 07701 011983
Frame ref: 79076
Cover Frame ref: 76962
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9/30/09
2:19 PM
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9/30/09
3:33 PM
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L7 INTERVIEW 13
ABOUT A MAN
He may joke about turning his first theatre tour into a pub crawl, but Neil Morrissey had to make some very serious decisions recently when he lost his life savings. The former Man Behaving Badly talks to Bella Todd about Rain Man and refusing to take bankruptcy
“I
t would make your interview worth a mint, wouldn't it?” says Neil Morrissey enthusiastically. “If I died straight after, I mean. ‘I heard the ding that killed Neil Morrissey! I heard his death knell ding!’” From the haplessly infatuated Tony in Men Behaving Badly to the voice of kids TV hero Bob The Builder, and from booming businessman, via master brewer, to The Man Who Valiantly Refused To Go Bankrupt, Neil has been many things in his time. But right now the 47-year-old, who’s been getting over the collapse of his property company this summer with an absorbing stint in a stage adaptation of Rain Man, is entirely absorbed in trying and failing to microwave a Waitrose Chicken Tikka Masala. “Pierce film...” he mutters. “1200 Watts... Oh, bugger, it's started turning before I’ve finished!” Neil has never toured a play before: In 1984, shortly after leaving Guildhall, he landed a role in The Bounty opposite Mel Gibson and Laurence Olivier, and he’s barely left our screens since. And you could be forgiven for assuming that hitting the road in middle age has not been the best experience. He has severe neck and back ache from playing Raymond, the autistic savant who won Dustin Hoffman an Oscar in 1988, with a distended posture. He’s had an awful eye infection, which actually “exploded” post-show the other day. His lawyer girlfriend is back at their Crouch End flat while he’s stuck in Milton Keynes. And it’s very probable that he’s about to give himself food poisoning. But Neil, as he’ll tell me later, has always been “a glass half full kind of guy”. “I’ve tried,” he says, “to make Rain Man a pub crawl round the country with a play that we happen to have to do once a night. The company are really good, it’s an absolute cracking piece of theatre – and also less than two hours long, so we’re in the pub by quarter to ten. I’m really, really enjoying myself. “Could I have Dustin Hoffman in a fight? Easily. I reckon if he ran at me very quickly he would just bash his forehead on my belt buckle.”
Most people sense that Neil Morrissey would make a very good drinking companion. Indeed, he spent his 21st birthday getting “totally hammered with Mel Gibson in Tahiti – Mel doesn’t know when to stop”. What’s less well known, though it’s been equally as important to his career, is that he’s a voracious self-educator. As a teenager, having grown up in a children’s home in Stoke-on-Trent, Neil advertised for his own foster parents so he could study for A-levels. When he set up his micro brewery (as chronicled on the 2008 Channel 4 documentary Neil Morrissey’s Risky Business) he researched the hell out of the trade, and can still rhapsodise for hours about the particular hop involved in Morrissey Fox Blonde Ale. When he was offered the role of Raymond (opposite Green Wing’s Oliver Chris), it was an opportunity to put into use the psychological casebooks, like Oliver Sacks’ famous The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat, which he’s always enjoyed reading (as well, he agrees, as a little of Tony’s slack-jawed innocence and emotional ineptness). “Then I had to start applying all that to
“I just thought, someone’s got to step up to the plate and try and pay these people back. It’s going to take three years of my life”
the text, and then I had to try and forget it all,” he says. “Because Rain Man isn’t a play about autism. It’s about the younger brother’s emotional journey. And fast cars and casinos.” Although he’s not averse to having a flutter on the roulette if he’s over in Las Vegas for the boxing – never more than 350 bucks, the same two numbers each time – Neil has always been prudent with his money. Which is why what happened to him this summer was so shocking, as well as so cruel. In August, it was announced that the property company Neil set up five years ago, buying pubs and hotels around the country including Dylan Thomas’s local, had overstretched itself and collapsed. Neil lost his life savings: £2.5 million. But he refused to take bankruptcy. “I just thought, someone’s got to step up to the plate and try and pay these people back,” he says. “And it’s going to take three years of my life. It’s kind of devastating in many ways, and it’s disappointing because a person was supposed to be a friend, and that makes you feel sick to your stomach. Beware of the arseholes is the key. “But it’s sorted now and in a sense it’s a relief. I’m an optimist. When I see the light at the end of the tunnel, then I’m marching steadily towards it.” But does this mean a forced return to the ‘factory television’ he vowed to escape? “No, my principles are very much in place in my life and I’m not doing ‘Waterloo Road’ again because I don’t want to. I’ve got some great projects lined up next year, and eventually when the beer company makes profit there’ll be some money coming in from that. I’m an ambassador rather than an owner of the company, which means I have to go in Tesco and buy the bloody beers with my face on them! “So I can keep my standards up. But it means I’ve got a budget for every single thing, and I’ve cut down on all luxuries. I mean,” he laughs, “I can’t remember the last time I had Chicken Tikka Masala from Waitrose.” Rain Man is at Theatre Royal, Brighton from 12–17 Oct. 08448 717 650/ www.ambassadortickets.com
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9/30/09
12:10 PM
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10/1/09
4:08 PM
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HEALTH 15
WALKING TALL Zara Baker road tests Vivo Barefoot
W
hen was the last time we paid attention to exactly how we are walking? Chances are, walking doesn’t warrant attention beyond the age of two, as we do it instinctively. But what if we’re walking ‘wrong’? We rarely think about the ball to heel to toe motion, but try paying close attention to this next time you’re out and about. We’ve all seen the trainers with mammoth platforms (circa Spice Girls 1995) which help tone the body as you walk/run. But what about the benefits of going barefoot? OK, unless it’s around the house, it’s something you don’t really want to try, but the health benefits are obvious. For one, when we walk in a shoe with ample padding, the foot hits the ground with force. Barefoot, the foot takes a natural, fluid motion. Vivo Barefoot shoes were unknown to me until a month ago. Vivo Barefoot Technology means we reap the benefits of walking barefoot while wearing comfortable, stylish shoes. The Vivo Barefoot collection is vast: running trainers and shoes for men; sandals, trainers and ballet-style flats for women. Most of us are guilty of
choosing style over comfort when it comes to shoes, but fashion is not compromised for comfort when it comes to Vivo Barefoot. The shoes have an ultra thin puncture-resistant sole, meaning we are as close to being barefoot as possible while keeping the feet protected. The soles are shaped to support the feet and realign our natural posture. Walking in these shoes, I noticed my strides became shorter. The shaping of the sole encouraged my feet to land on the ground in a perfect, natural movement each time. I found it easy to adjust to these shoes, as I usually live in ballet flats, where the foot is also close to the ground. The difference was in the support and the subtle adjustment to my walking. The muscles in the feet are naturally flexed and strengthened when walking in Vivo Barefoot shoes. The soles are flexible and move with the feet, where regular shoes work against our natural foot motion. What’s more, every nerve ending in the body is stimulated from the knees through the hips to the spine. With 28 bones per foot and over 200,000 nerve endings, the feet deserve some extra attention. The one problem I foresee? Following this experience of ultimate comfort, how will I adjust to regular shoes? Vivo Barefoot Shoes, available from Terra Plana, West Street, Brighton, www.terraplana.co.uk
016_LS444_travel
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10/1/09
3:52 PM
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TRAVEL
L7 Travel
Dutch mastery The Dutch have mastered the art of cultural holidays, writes Andrew Kay
H
olland is home to some of the greatest artists of the golden age. From Rembrandt to Van Gogh, the galleries here are rammed with paintings that you will not only have heard of but will know by sight. And not just the obvious ones either, but huge numbers of 20th century masterpieces that I had assumed must be in New York or London. The Dutch are the ultimate collectors, and there is no better place to start than in Amsterdam where there are so many choices it is almost impossible to choose where to start. Personally, the Rijksmuseum is a must, a vast collection – even whilst undergoing major refurbishments – with gold plate, porcelain and old masters. It’s here you will find the ‘Night Watch’, if that’s your cup of tea – I prefer some of the lesser known works, but it’s all of the highest standard. If you do that in the morning, “The Dutch are then take a short walk across the park to the Van Gogh Museum and celebrating their discover the most incredible collection of this troubled artist. cultural heritage For someone who came to his art with a combined so late and died so young, he was immensely prolific. The galleries initiative called follow the development of his style Holland Art Cities” and offer a fascinating insight into his troubled world. On a lighter note, the Tassen Museum of bags and handbags has a current exhibition entitled Made In Britain, featuring Vivienne Westwood and Alexander McQueen, Stella McCartney, Lulu Guinness Paul Smith, Anya Hindmarch, Bill Amberg, and brands such as Mulberry and Burberry. In Holland, nowhere is far away or hard to reach, so take a train to The Hague and the Mauritshuis. This picture perfect gallery is home to Rembrandt’s ‘Girl With A Pearl Earring’, and it dominates the gift shop, but there are many more fabulous works in the collection and the city itself is well worth a visit. My favourite collection is at Gemeentemuseum, again in The Hague, and I loved the building, the eclectic nature of the collection and the open spirit of the place. Right now and into 2010, the Dutch are celebrating their cultural heritage with a combined initiative called Holland Art Cities. The galleries across the country have combined forces to programme a long season of work from ancient to the very modern. It is a brilliant initiative and with new galleries opening all the time and the massive Hermitage extension now open, Holland is the ideal break for those of us who want more than windmills and tulips, although I did like that, too. For more information go to www.holland.com/uk
Any Dutch Station from £89.00 return*
JPT - your local Eurostar & Continental Rail Experts
* Tickets printed on site. Price based on Eurostar return (London – Brussels), plus onward Intercity connection to any Dutch Station. Price is subject to availability. Agency booking fee may apply.
Truly Independent, Truly Unique 4 Church Street, Brighton, BN1 1UJ Tel: 01273 608351 leisure@johnproctortravel.com www.johnproctortravel.com
017_LS444_food
9/30/09
3:26 PM
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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17
Food & Drink Andrew Kay finds food heaven whilst celebrating in Steyning
Brilliant Whites O
n one of the few truly sunny Saturdays of mid-summer I went over to Steyning to judge a chef competition at Whites. It was an excellent event and at the end they thanked me and my fellow judges by handing us an invitation dinner. Their chef that day had not won but it was a damned close thing, and I was certainly excited about seeing exactly what they could do when not under competition conditions. So a while later Mr R and I joined fellow judge Laura Lockington and her guest, the ever so French J-Y. J-Y is one of those Frenchmen who seems to hate France but cannot believe that “The pickled onion the British can cook, even though he lodges with one of the best cooks in vinaigrette danced town. Well, on this occasion he was to have his gallic roots boiled by the a jig on my tongue” fabulous display of innovation and serious cooking skills on offer. It was something of a celebration as I had just learned that my novel was to be published, so in a party mood we started with drinks in the bar. From the outside Whites looks for all the world like a country pub. Inside it is pure sophistication. They can mix a mean cocktail, too, which few country venues seem to manage. We finally took our table in the space that is neither in nor out, a perfect spot on a warm evening, and we quickly fell silent as we read the menus. To be honest I would have been happy to be served anything on there. The dishes were equally appealing on paper and I hoped that they would be able to match up on the plate. And I am delighted to say that my hopes were fulfiled. I started with a glazed ham hock and asparagus pâté. The ham hock looked prettier than one might expect, deconstructed and then rebuilt to avoid bone, gristle and too much fat; it was a substantial but not over-facing roll of meat in a deliciously glazed skin. I made very short work of it despite the generosity of the portion. The toasted brioche was perfect too, no shop bought vanilla infused nonsense but home made and buttery. The asparagus pâté was more like a mousse but no less delicious, and the pickled onion vinaigrette danced a jig on my tongue. A prawn starter came with ribbons of courgette described as tagliatelle which slightly confused J-Y, but he declared it divine, as did Mr R. Ms L had aubergine and goats cheese which looked amazing but was a little large for her dainty, ha ha, appetite. This more so, because she chose the platter of fried fish as her main course, and that was food on an almost ‘Desperate Dan’ scale. You could never criticise Whites for serving dolly portions; this is fine food for hearty appetites.
The fish was fine too; a good selection, arranged on a plate with a great salad and a bowl of first class chips on the side. The boys both chose the beef and both ate in near silence, slicing away at the largest steak I have ever seen with total ease and mopping up the sticky deep sauce. I looked on with envy at their pomme fondant, broad beans and creamy spinach, all favourites of mine. I was, though, totally content with my huge tranche of sea trout. Given a choice, sea trout wins out over salmon or fresh water trout every time. This was creamy and delicate, cooked just so, and the cubed potatoes, herb topping and bitter walnuts simply lifted the dish to a new level. A shallot puree had me on the edge of tears with delight. We had a great bottle of white with our first course and an equally impressive red with the main, but we followed that with a glass of first class Sussex sparkles in celebration. It also gave us time to re-group before the puds. I love pud; a dinner needs one to be complete. I was so torn, too, I wanted the crème brûlée, I wanted the chocolate and Guinness tart, but in the end I had the syllabub. An ancient dish delivered with aplomb. Cream and booze and summery fruits, who could ask for more? Well, I could have eaten it three times, and been ill, and not have cared; it was a sensation and so was the honeycomb toffee on top. Mr R had the chocolate and Irish stout job and a stolen taste convinced me that this chef’s wildest ideas work very well indeed. Top marks though to a crème brûlée that reduced a Frenchman to near silence, and me too. It was silky smooth, perfectly balanced in both taste and texture and the brittle toffee on top was glass sharp, caramelised to the edge of burnt – but not burnt, and the biscuit on the side was buttery and as short as a nun’s sex life. We did coffee too and we chatted hard, mainly bemoaning the fact that this was all in Steyning and not in the city. We also celebrated our decision to book a cab each way, which may have added £13 a head to our night out but was worth every penny. Whites has hit its stride: great food in great surroundings and first class service too. I cannot recommend this too much and, if I awarded stars, which I do not, it would be getting a milky way of an accolade. Whites Bar & Kitchen, 23 High Street, Steyning, BN44 3YE 01903 812347
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9/30/09
11:57 AM
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10/2/09
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CHRISTMAS PARTIES 19
THE PARTY LINE Christmas is coming and the goose may well be getting fat so get that party booked now
W
ith the virtual disappearance of both the photocopier and the filing cabinet, how are we ever supposed to have fun at the company’s office party? I suppose we have to be grateful that the ensuing embarrassments of kissing the boss or photocopying your bottom have been removed and move on. This year the market for Christmas parties is as keen as the sat-nav on Santa’s sleigh. There’s plenty on offer out there and at every level, too. From a knees-up and a few snacks at the local to a full-blown gourmet feast, the choices are vast. Last year, with the spectre of recession screaming “Bah, humbug!” at every turn, we perhaps all drew in our antlers and took some of the tinsel out of seasonal festivities. This year, things have been tough, but we are seeing those so called ‘green shoots of recovery’. So what better way to celebrate, see in the season and say thanks to your staff and colleagues than with a bit of a Christmas bash? Here at Latest Magazines, we have – over the years – done everything
from curry to karaoke. We’ve had secret Santas, party games and discos, and we’ve eaten everything starting with oysters and moving upwards, downward and sideways, too. Seasoned party goers, we know how to have a good time whether it’s fine dining or a simple buffet. This week we feature a wide selection of venues that will be happy to cater for every one of your yuletide yearnings, from finger food to feasts; beer to champagne; sit down to stand up; smart to wild. Key to any party’s success is budget and scale. Decide how many guests you need to entertain and how much you want to spend per head, and then leave it to your chosen venue to come up with the right package for you. Most importantly, do not leave things too late. The more popular venues will already be taking bookings and the best places fill up fast. Booking early will secure your event and also reduce the problem of people saying they cannot make it when you get the invitations out. Planning ahead also means you will get the best nights: Fridays and
Saturdays sell fast and few of us want to party on a Monday knowing we need to be back at our desk on Tuesday morning. At the end of the day, what we all
want is an affordable good time that we will look back on with good memories and perhaps a slightly fuzzy head. Merry Christmas planning, one and all!
Drakes Celebrate this year’s Christmas party in style at Drakes, Brighton’s premier boutique hotel. Drakes is all about relaxed glamour and sophistication with fine dining at its best. Their philosophy – to ensure guests feel like treasured friends coming to stay – is provided through the impeccable service, breathtaking design and an unbeatable seafront location. Christmas party packages are certainly synonymous with this ethos, ensuring a very grown up Christmas celebration in laid back style with a hint of indulgence. Start the evening in style with cocktails or champagne in the Reception Bar before taking your table in the elegant Restaurant At Drakes for dinner. Head chef, Andrew MacKenzie, has created a fabulous three-course festive menu for your dining enjoyment. For parties of eight to twelve people, their private dining room is available at no extra charge for added exclusivity. Return to the bar after dinner to enjoy the relaxed atmosphere and friendly service where a comprehensive selection of cocktails and premium spirits are available. The bar is open 24 hours for guests staying in the hotel. Many of the rooms at Drakes feature free-standing baths set in front of large Georgian windows, offering breathtaking sea views and wet rooms with monsoon showers for long indulgent showers. Beds are furnished with handmade deep Vi-spring mattresses with goose and duck down duvets and pillows, ensuring maximum comfort for a good night’s sleep. All rooms have air conditioning, flat screen satellite TV, DVDs, CD music centres with iPod/MP3 docking and free wireless broadband. Full breakfast is provided the following morning in the restaurant. Alternatively, dine in the privacy of your room, for a gentle and indulgent start to the next day. Prices start from £139.50 for single occupancy, £199.50 for double occupancy to include a gourmet three-course Christmas party menu, a night’s stay in a luxury room and breakfast the following morning. Rates are valid for booking Sunday through Thursday. Friday bookings will incur a £25 supplement. The Restaurant At Drakes, 43-44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696 934 www.therestaurantatdrakes.com
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CHRISTMAS PARTIES
9 Bar Café Why not think local when booking your office Christmas party? This fantastic foodie café by day transforms into a superb bistro restaurant at night. The extremely popular 9 Bar Café on Hove’s Church Road offers a chilled atmosphere with great service. As well as serving great breakfasts and lunches, head chef Anthony Burns has created an exciting yet approachable dinner menu with beautifully presented meals to indulge your taste senses. Mouth-watering Christmas menus have been prepared to cater for parties of up to 40 people. Call them now for more details on celebrating Christmas at 9 Bar Café. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2PG, 01273 721 838 www.9bar.co.uk
Latest Music Bar It’s fun, it’s funky and it’s definitely not a hotel banqueting suite. Latest Music Bar prides itself on being one of Brighton’s sexiest party venues. With a reputation for throwing and hosting some of the hottest parties the city has seen over the last two years, they are certainly pulling out all the stops to make this Christmas a real cracker. As well as two great spaces with two great bars, Latest Music Bar offers two special Christmas menus. For those of you who want the traditional sitdown dinner with all the trimmings, their menu priced at just £20 has all your traditional favourites as well as some stylish alternatives for those of you who don’t give a stuff about stuffing. Their buffet menu is totally versatile and starts at £7.95 a head. There are lots of dishes to choose from in advance, and if you want to go really wild, you can have a selection of six main dishes and three salads for £13.95 a head, or add puddings for only £1.50 extra. Food done with, the real fun starts with the bar’s policy of staging fantastic bands, music to get down and party to and brilliant DJs to boot. With room for parties of up to 200 or groups as small as four, Latest Music Bar is almost infinitely versatile and accommodating. At the end of the day, they want all their guests to have the very merriest party of all. Latest Music Bar, 14–17 Manchester Street, Brighton, 01273 687171 www.thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
latest
musicbar
the party place for xmas brighton & hove this
celebrate the festive season with live music, great food and late bars in the city’s funkiest venue
now booking xmas dinners & parties plus weddings, civil partnerships, birthdays… …for the hottest events call us and book the venue
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
01273 687171 14–17 Manchester Street
019_025_LS444_xmas-parties
10/2/09
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CHRISTMAS PARTIES
Whites Bar And Kitchen Christmas is coming early at Whites Bar And Kitchen. Since their spectacular refurbishment in 2006, Whites has gone from strength to strength providing stunning, locally-sourced food in a relaxed and vibrant environment. Their endeavour has not gone unnoticed, achieving success in the Sussex Food and Drink awards earlier this year. Upstairs, the beautiful private dining area, complete with oak beams and picturesque views across the town of Steyning, is available for hire for all events from corporate Christmas parties to intimate family occasions. The renovated 15th century coaching inn is the ideal location for all things festive this year. The Christmas day luxurious lunch menu offers everything from seared scallops to a delicious Sussex Limousine Angus sirloin of beef – and of course, Whites’ juicy roast turkey, followed by Whites’ own Christmas spiced steamed pudding with brandy butter ice cream and preserved fruit compote. What better way to spend Christmas with your family? Whites provide the perfect opportunity for you to come and celebrate the festive season. With a varied range of Christmas canapés on offer as well as their extensive range of beers, wines, spirits and cocktails, Whites cater to all our food and drink needs. Let your hair down and unwind with great food, drink and service – and with menus to suit every taste, you too can have a Whites’ Christmas and see in the new year in style! Whites are open throughout the Christmas period including Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Whites Bar And Kitchen, 23 High Street, Steyning, BN44 3YE, 01903 812347.
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CHRISTMAS PARTIES
The Arrogant Frog
L’Eglise
In its new spacious venue located on Brighton seafront, The Arrogant Frog Brasserie has begun taking bookings for Christmas and New Year’s Eve! Everyone at The Arrogant Frog Brasserie looks forward to welcoming you and ensuring that your festive season is a special one. With a fantastic Christmas menu available for lunch and dinner parties throughout December and a special Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve Menu, diners can expect a friendly service, exceptional quality of food and a warm and cosy atmosphere. At The Arrogant Frog, special dietary requirements are catered for. The Arrogant Frog Brasserie, 64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA, 01273 721488/email reservations@thearrogantfrog.com
L’Église is a fantastic family run French restaurant serving beautifully home-made French food in the heart of Hove. Christmas is just around the corner and L’église are offering a delicious three-course menu for any number of guests, whether a couple or 50. The latter gives you sole use of the restaurant. Check their website now for the Christmas menu which starts on 1 December until Christmas Eve. L’église are also opening Christmas day from 12pm to 5pm offering a six-course menu to make your Christmas day a wonderful experience. Joyeux Noël! L’Eglise Restaurant, 196 Church Road, BN3 2DJ, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk
❧ BEAUTIFUL BRASSERIE SETTING ❧ ❧ SOUTH-FACING TERRACE ❧ ❧ PERFECT FOR CHRISTMAS ❧ ❧ A LA CARTE TUESDAY–SUNDAY❧ ❧ MENU RAPIDE TWO COURSES £9.95 ❧ (TUES–SAT 12 TILL 6PM)
❧ OPEN ALL DAY TUESDAY–SUNDAY ❧ ❧ SUPERB SUNDAY ROAST ❧
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CHRISTMAS PARTIES
Early Christmas offers if booked by 31st Oct. Christmas menus from £26 (veg), £29 & £36. Gars Fancy something different for Christmas? Good food, good wine, good service, good atmosphere, central location, a stylish venue and always a great night out! Whether it's an elegant, formal dinner, a corporate event or a raucous karaoke party, Gars Chinese Restaurant can cater for every occasion. With their private dining areas you can have it your way; you can be as loud as you like or as quiet as you like. What they don't compromise on is the food, level of service and attention to detail. Gars are specialists in organising and catering for parties and intimate dinners, having done so for over 25 years. They will give you what you want and guarantee an exceptional night out. Book during October for the upcoming festive period and you can receive up to a 30 per cent discount. Buffets and/or karaoke parties can start from as little as £500. Book early and make your party unforgettable! Gars Chinese Restaurant, 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton, BN1 1HF, 01273 321321/www.gars.co.uk
Have you booked your Christmas Party? Brighton Rocks has the best private bar & lounge in town
FREE Stunning food & drinks
For bookings call 01273 601139 or book on-line www.brightonrockspub.com
Mon £8 off per person Tues £6 off per person Wed £4 off per person Thurs £2 off per person Fri lunchtime only £2 off per person For buffet and/or karaoke parties from £500
Have your Christmas party at Brighton’s smartest Oriental restaurant.
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CHRISTMAS PARTIES
NEW STEINE HOTEL, BAR & BISTRO
10–11 New Steine, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 1PB (T) 01273 681546 (F) 01273 622663 (E) reservation@newsteinehotel.com
CHRISTMAS AT THE NEW STEINE 2009 New Steine Bar & Bistro
Due to popular demand, our Christmas menus are back! This year you can add some entertainment to your party: Magician, Tarot Reading, Murder Mystery or Comedy Night You’ll be pleased to know that we’ve kept the same prices so that you can ensure you are left with change in your pocket for your Christmas shopping!
VALUE CHRISTMAS 3 COURSE MENU Sunday to Thursday inclusive @ £15.95 per person Friday & Saturday @ £19.95 per person (minimum of 8 / maximum of 30)
GOURMET CHRISTMAS 3 COURSE MENU Sunday to Thursday inclusive @ £19.95 per person Friday & Saturday @ £24.95 per person (minimum of 8 / maximum of 30)
MIDWEEK OFFER 3 Course Meal, Single Occupancy Double/Twin & Breakfast from £65.50 Discounted weekend Rates also available – please enquire We provide use of a stereo system so ‘bring your own selection’ or let us choose for you, and for the clubbers out there, we have discounts/queue jump passes for local clubs – speak to us when booking
Due to popular demand, the New Steine Bar & Bistro’s Christmas menus have returned for 2009. What’s more, they’ve kept the prices the same as last year to ensure you are left with money in your pocket for Christmas shopping! This year, why not spice up the festivities with added entertainment such as a table magician, Tarot reading, murder mystery or even a comedy night? As per their trademark, the New Steine Bar & Bistro combines local products cooked à la Française, without forgetting traditional British fare, such as the turkey with all the trimmings and traditional Christmas pudding. Concentrating on offering the best quality food with impeccable service, the New Steine Bistro is your ideal choice for this year’s Christmas party. Contact them now for some fabulous Christmas deals. New Steine Bar & Bistro, New Steine Hotel, 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/01273 695415/www.newsteinehotel.com
The Thistle Hotel The Thistle Hotel is one of Brighton’s prime locations for meetings, events and weddings, ideally located on Brighton’s famous promenade, just one mile from the station. Whether you are looking for a venue for a theatre style conference, executive board meeting or training seminars, their nine air-conditioned meeting rooms are flexible for a range of styles. The largest, the Renaissance Suite, seats up to 350 theatre or 250 guests seated for a Gala. Celebrate Christmas at The Thistle Hotel. They have space for shared and private parties during December. The Thistle Hotel, Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 2GS, 01273 763244.
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Stanmer House A night for everyone... in a stunning Georgian manor house. With Party Nights starting at ÂŁ30 per person, and Black Tie nights to include a three-course meal and half a bottle of wine per person, Stanmer House has a party package to suit all budgets. Alternatively, join them on 19 December for their Black Tie VIP event which includes a glass of bubbly on arrival, a sumptuous three-course dinner with wine, followed by unlimited wine, beer and soft drinks. Whichever package you choose, you are guaranteed to have a night to remember! Stanmer House, Stanmer Park, Brighton, BN1 9QA, www.stanmerhouse.co.uk/01273 680400
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HOTLIST
L7 Hotlist Feeling peckish? Insatiably ravenous? These eateries and bars cater for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk Restaurants American JB’s Diner JB’s Diner is a quirky and cool nod to the classic American Diner, from the ‘50s rock’n’roll and the retro dining booths to the stars ‘n’ stripes flying proud as you eat your way through their delicious USA themed menu. The burgers are generous, fresh, tasty and available in many different varieties, the Texan BBQ and ‘Across The Border’ Mexican being firm favourites. Other top sellers include the foot-long hotdogs and rack of ribs. Add a thick dairy ice-cream shake in many flavours (including Oreo!) and we have an American diner perfect for kids and adults alike, looking out onto the very British Brighton beach. 31 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NR, 01273 771776, www.jbsdiner.co.uk
Check out Andrew Kay’s comprehensive Brighton, Hove and Sussex Food & Drink directory online at www.thelatest.co.uk
The Dorset
British & modern European
A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best people-watching spot in town. This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of homecooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish. Their Bloody Marys are very popular too! 28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423
9 Bar Café
Koba Bar and Venue
It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit, they do the best chips ever tasted and appear to have already acquired several celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk
Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059 Koba Bar and Venue
Chaula’s Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk
The Restaurant At Drakes Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Awarded two coveted AA Rosettes through the skills and talents of head chef Andrew MacKenzie, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two-course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people. The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com
Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk
French The Arrogant Frog Brasserie This beautiful seafront restaurant serves French and European food at affordable prices. The menu includes a full à la carte, £10 twocourse menu and daily specials. Also live music nights and happy hour cocktails between 5 and 7pm. Bring your Odeon cinema ticket receipt for a 10% discount any day and enjoy pasta and a pint for only £6.99 on Orange Wednesdays. From 5–7pm Mondays to Thursdays, receive a free bottle of house wine when two people dine from the £10 menu. On Fridays to Sundays, a free bottle of house wine for every two diners taking two courses each from the à la carte menu. 64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA, 01273 721488, reservations@thearrogantfrog.com
Cocoa Patisserie Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256
Barney’s Sample the new menu – available until closing time seven days a week! Mainline draught beers/bottles and branded spirts for £1.99, plus fantastic cocktails only £2.99. With sixty seats outside, this is the perfect place to eat, meet and socialise in the sunshine. 102-106 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 1FA, 01273 720058. Barneys@home home delivery service starting soon!
Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk
Indian
Chimney House With a stylish, cosy interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, homecooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu includes locallycaught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a light lunch and glass of wine or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708, www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk
L’Église
Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. There’re also beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412
Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk
The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk
Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk
Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk
Thai Sabai Thai Gastrobar Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95. Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays. 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk
Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819
New Steine Bistro This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three courses, Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm. 10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp
To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105
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STAGE 27
L7 WHAT’S ON
> Tuesday 6 – 12 October >
Stage
Sick jokes Andrew Kay talks to Liverpool poet Roger McGough about his adaptation of Moliere’s The Hypochondriac Liverpool is your spiritual home but you don’t live there now, do you miss it? I got lost, no, I moved down 20, 30 years ago but I do still feel like a Liverpudlian. I go back a lot. Was the change from poems to plays something you found easy? Well I had written several plays of my own before but you are at the mercy of the director and the company and I learned early on that unlike Willy Russell and Stoppard, who can write a good story, I was not good at that. They would write characters that you could engage with. I enjoyed it, but it was going nowhere. But doing an adaptation like the Moliere I enjoy: I have the story, and the characters and the denouement. It may all be a bit creaky but I like that. And it’s the verse that I enjoy, I had done half of The Hypochondriac before I realised that he hadn’t done it in verse himself. Do you work from a translation? When I did Tartuffe I worked from direct prose translations; then, after a while, I looked at the original because they vary – people miss out scenes and even whole characters.
Well yes, I can see that, and I have a cast who are mainly southern and they find the same occasionally. I see rhymes that they don’t. When I did the first Moliere I was a poet in captivity on a Saga cruise and I didn’t have the original to refer to. After about a week I found out it was not in verse
You famously worked with the Beatles in the ‘60s and you come from that solid Mersey cultural background... Yes, I feel that there is a sense that I am still in that Liverpool thing and that people think I should be writing in Scouse and not doing Moliere.
I ask because when I read your poetry in my adopted southern accent and phrasing it does not scan as well as when I use my native Lancashire one...
Your verse seems very natural, do you ever struggle? Not really, it seems to flow naturally. I like to
Stagelistings
for broadcast, edition of the Radio 4 fave. > 6 Oct, 7.30pm, £24.50/22.50
> 10–17 Oct (no show Mon), 7.45pm
CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Clive James In The Evening Join the broadcaster and raconteur and general British Institution for an evening of wit. > 11 Oct, 7pm, £22/18
EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Grass Is Greener An impoverished English Earl risks everything when his wife falls for an American millionaire. > 6–10 Oct, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mats 2.30pm, £13.50/19.50 Adolf Hitler: My Part In His Downfall Seven actor musicians translate Spike Milligan’s war memoirs for the stage. > 12–17 Oct, 7.45pm, Wed & Sat mats 2.30pm, £19.50/13.50
CHICHESTER: THE SHOWROOM 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Muzzle Jonny Dixon’s physically-charged one-man take on the siege of Stalingrad. >8 Oct, 7.30pm, £10/6
THE HAWTH 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Bully Richard Fry’s slang-filled monologue. An Edinburgh 2008 sell-out. >8 Oct, 7.45pm, £13/£11
THEATRE ROYAL, BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal The Hypochondriac Poet Roger McGough translates Molière’s scathing comedy. > 6–10 Oct 7.45pm, Thur & Sat Mats 2.30pm, £18–£30. Rain Man Neil Morrissey takes the Dustin Hoffman role in this stage adaptation of the Oscar-winning ‘80s film. > 12–17 Oct, 7.45pm, Thur Mat 2.30pm & Sat Mat 4pm, £20–£33. We’re Going On A Bear Hunt Michael Rosen’s picture book comes to the stage for ages 3+. > 15–17 Oct, 10.30pm, Sat also 12.30pm, £10.50.
EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue Special live, not
NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 746118 www.newventure.org.uk Art Yasmina Reza’s record-breaking tragicomedy about the purchase of a painting.
> Tuesday 6 October to Monday 19 October >
BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE 01273 777748 www.the-little.co.uk Entertaining Mr Sloane Orton’s once shocking, now classic black sex comedy. > 14–18 Oct, 7.45pm, £7.50
The Hypochondriac is at Theatre Royal, Brighton from Tuesday 6 – Saturday 10 October. See listings for details.
Do you get involved with the design and the music? No, I let them get on with it, I am fascinated by the musical process.
Have you transposed the sense of place to a Liverpool setting? No, not at all, it is set in France, a chateau outside Paris.
BRIGHTON DOME, CORN EXCHANGE 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Bonachela Dance Company – The Land Of Yes And The Land Of No Choreographer Rafael Bonachela explores the body’s relationship with memory. > 6–7 Oct, 8pm, £12.50/17.50, schools £10
Do you write every day or wait for the muse to alight? I try to write every day but I have reached that awkward age when it gets harder to start sometimes.
Do you go to rehearsals? Yes, I love watching what actors bring to it. It’s only when you work with actors that you realise how good they are, how they make it all seem natural on stage.
Is there a parallel humour? Yes I think there is. I have a great respect for him as a playwright, but he had the liberty of a huge company to work with so I have had to make some cuts. I have cut the ballets and Pulcinella. I knew his work from University but was a bit creaky.
THE BASEMENT 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com Everything Must Go Clowning and puppetry combine in this Total Theatre award-winning tale of a father’s life. > 16 October, 7.30pm, £6/4
let my verse lead people and let them see things coming and then sometimes suprise them, shock them.
THE BARN, SOUTHWICK 01273 597094 www.wicktheatre.co.uk Popcorn Ben Elton’s hard-edged comedy. > 7–10 Oct, 7.45pm, £9/8.50
(except Sun), 2.30pm Sun, £7–£9.
WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Spirit Of The Dance Award-winning Irish dance spectacular. > 9 October, 8pm, £17.50–£21.50.
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10/2/09
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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS
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Clublistings
Musiclistings
> Tuesday 6 October to Monday 12 October >
> Tuesday 6 October to Monday 12 October > The Spaghetti Western Orchestra
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TUESDAY 6 AUDIO New Slang. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS BRIGHTON COALITION Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, £3/2 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Cheese Room. Classic tunes and disco beats. 11pm–4am, £3/free HONEY CLUB Indie Rocks. 11pm–3am, £2/1 LIFE The Vice Social. 10.30pm–2.30am, £2/free PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1
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PVC. 11pm–3am, £5/3 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Big Fat Party Classics. Pablo Contraband and Friends 11pm, £5/3 KOMEDIA Balkaneasca. A wild, frenzied mix of brass-heavy Gypsy Beats, plus live musicians. 11pm, £6/5 LIFE Daft Life. Alt.dance, indie-leaning house and firing electro. 10pm–3am, £4/2 NEW HERO Somewhere In The Universe. Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5 OCEAN ROOMS Bass and Beats. Got anything better to do this Friday? 11pm–4am, free PAVILION TAVERN Kick Out The Jams. Bringing rock’n’roll mayhem. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 VOLKS Carbon. Diamond blasting pure D'n'B, relaunch party with Doc Scott and Fierce. 11pm, £5
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WEDNESDAY 7 AUDIO Supercharged. Benny Page smashes D’n’B, Dubstep and jungle into the mid-week bass bin. 11pm–2.30am, £5/3 BRIGHTON COALITION Cha Mon. Guest indie DJs, Robots in disguise. 10.30pm–3.30am, £2–4 DIGITAL The Poundance. Indie, R’n’B, electro, house, classics, dubstep and chart tracks. 11pm–3.30am, £1 LIFE Let's Kill Disco. Playing all manner of Dirty mash-ups and filthy beats. 10.30pm– 2.30am, £3–1 OCEAN ROOMS Twisted Funfair Freshers Welcome Special. Unrivalled carnival atmosphere! 11pm–5am, free
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THURSDAY 8 BRIGHTON COALITION Secret Discotheque. Retro disco, 80's pop, hair metal, TV theme tunes. 10pm–3am, £3/2 NUS DIGITAL Thursday Club. Expect another stellar line-up with Annie Mac, Riton and Delphic Live. 11pm–3am, £7.50 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE BangBang. Playing the hippest hip-hop, the freshest dup step and the most banging D’n’B! 11pm–5am, £1 b4 12 HONEY CLUB Fusion. 3 rooms of sexy R'n'B, Indie and House. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1 JAM Thursday Night Fish Fry. ‘50s R’n’B and original Jamaican ska. 10pm–2am, £3. LIFE Club NME. Live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10.30pm–3am, £2/1 NEW HERO Pop Kraft. Pop with Boogaloo Stu and The Size Zero Albino. 10pm–2am, £2. PO NA NA Pick'n'Mix. You pick it 'n' they'll mix it. 10.30pm–3am, £1
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SATURDAY 10 AUDIO Grum. The don of free parties brings house, electro and Techno. 11pm–4am, free BRIGHTON COALITION Floorplay: Circus Smashdown. DJs Prok and Fitch and a cast of circus entertainers raise funds for Cancer Research UK. 10pm– 4am, £10/8 CONCORDE 2 House Is A Feeling. Raised in Old Blighty's Acid house explosion, The Ratpack DJ/MC duo take us back to the warehouse, with old skool classics. 11pm–4am, £5 DIGITAL Hospitality 4th Birthday Bash. 10pm–4am, £12.50 ENGINE ROOMS Punk Rock Karaoke 10pm, £2 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Buddha Soul. With Juice FM’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 NEW HERO It is Still 1985. Alternative ‘80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3 OCEAN ROOMS 3rd Bass Presents... The UK RnB sensation, Wiley, returns to Brighton. 11pm–4am, £TBC THE HANBURY We Luv Pop – We Luv Movie Soundtracks. 7pm–2am, £8/6 VOLKS BlackBox. The mutant rave juggernaut emanating tearin' jungle, filthy dub, D'n'B and Hardcore Techno till dawn. 11pm–5am, £6/5
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AUDIO Minimal Kids. Neuroxyde serves up some 'Hot Cookies' on Southern shores. 11pm–4am, £5/8 BRIGHTON COALITION Freak Bazaar. Funkin' groovy bash of quality Underground Trance, Progressive, Downtempo, Ethnic, Balkan and Dub! 10.30pm–6am, £10/8 CONCORDE 2 Superdubpressure. With Benga and Skream. 11pm–4am, £10 DIGITAL Stonelove. 101% maximum indie with DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £4 ENGINE ROOMS Deviant. Hard moshin' rock alternative for eyeliner'd up boys and girls in
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Michael Ball The musical veteran plays a solo tour of showtunes and his own material. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £32.50 Mumford And Sons Quality folk associates of Noah and the Whale; possibly even better than the bigger name. Komedia, 8pm, £7 Skunk Anansie The reformed ‘90s brit-rockers play a sold-out show. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £19.50 The Invisible + Pope Joan Featuring decent Brighton indie rockers Pope Joan. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc The Kensingtons + Pablo And The Paintset + The Fire Times Punk popsters The Kensingtons. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc Zero 7 The popular ambient dance duo return. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £18.50
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The Fiery Furnaces + Banjo Or Freakout Quirky and somehow great US indie oddballs. Audio, 7.30pm, £8.50 John Cooper Clarke ‘Punk poet’ collaborator with Arctic Monkeys and Sex Pistols. Komedia, 8pm, £15 Noah And The Whale Mega-selling London folk kids tour their eagerly anticipated second album. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12.50 Outhouse Ruhabi Gambian collective mixes the West African Sabar drum sounds with contemporary jazz. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5 Russell Gilbrook + Ed Dutton Featuring Dutton of Brit hardcore heroes Rolo Tomassi. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £6.50
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THURSDAY 8
HONEY CLUB Sundelicious. House and soulful beats. 10pm, £2/1 LIFE Maxxi Soundsystem. Full on party soundsystem. 6pm, free.
MONDAY 12
FRIDAY 9
AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to Ddancehall, garage to dubstep and 'filthy cheap' drinks! 11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free HONEY CLUB Detention. Weekly student trash bash 10.30pm–3.30am, £3/free
The Big Pink These unclassifiable pop mavericks blend elements of shoegaze with Madchester and ‘80s industrial to dazzling effect. Digital, 7.30pm, £9 Bobbie Peru + Deadbeat Descendant + B-Movie Soundtrack Featuring Brighton garage rockers Deadbeat Descendant. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc
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SUNDAY 11
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Funeral For A Friend The Welsh emo survivors tour their ‘mature’ new material. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £15 Laid Back And Late Piano Bar Late night piano Komedia, 11pm, £3 chill-out. Lefties Soul Corner featuring Corrina Greyson Amsterdam funk blending in a little hip-hop, breakbeat and mod rock. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £8 The Spaghetti Western Orchestra 100-piece orchestra paying tribute to the brilliance of film composer Ennio Morricone. Should be great. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £17.50/15.50 Vessels + Crowns On The Rats Orchestra Classy largely instrumental epic rock blending in wonky experimental electronic beats. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc
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WEDNESDAY 7
Doll And The Kicks + The Perils + Perfect People Brightonian garage rockers head out on their own fresh from supporting Morrissey! Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £6 Eric Taylor Americana, fittingly from the US. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc Mark Eitzel + Franz Nicolay Members of folk-rock punks American Music Club and The Hold Steady tour together. The Basement, 8pm, £9 Speech Debelle + Grasscut This year's Mercury Music Prize winner; an interesting take on hiphop, supported by decent electronica types. Brighton Coalition, 7pm, £7.50
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TUESDAY 6
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SATURDAY 10 Gold Blade + Anal Beard Cult ska-punk featuring local sillies Anal Beard. Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc The Slits + Wet Dog Influential ‘70s all-female punk band reunite for the road. Concorde 2, 7pm, £12 The Spaghetti Western Orchestra See Fri 9 Oct. Brighton Dome, 5pm, £17.50/15.50
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SUNDAY 11 Brightona ‘09: Crypsis + Damaged + Enos + Funeral Hag + Gun Shot Straight + O.M.T + Red Is Cover + Soul Destruction + Stone Circles Motorbike rally with local bands in aid of the Sussex Heart Charity. Concorde 2, 10am–10pm, free Carol Cleveland The erstwhile Monty Python associate plays a show of music, jokes and anecdotes, with Andy Smith on piano. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £10/£8 Millions + Crazy Arm + Attack! Vipers + The North Pole + Three Summers Strong Chicago punks bring many friends with them. Prince Albert, 6pm, £7/6
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MONDAY 12 Breakthrough With Rough Trade Unsigned local bands’ showcase. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4 Micachu And The Shapes Acclaimed and widelytipped quirky female pop singer-songwriter. Audio, 7.30pm, £tbc The Orb The ambient giants return. Digital, 7.30pm, £14
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Nick Aldwinckle
Jaime Pettit
wed 7 oct
fri 9 oct
outhouse ruhabi mixing the west african sound of the sabar drum with contemporary jazz 8pm £5
upstairs: lefties soul connection live soul and funk grooves+ dj mick fuller downstairs: charity chuckle – supporting sussex beacon comedian brian gittins supported by the best up and coming comedy talent 7pm £6 sirens brighton’s underground burlesque and pole revue bar 10pm £7/5
thurs 8 oct upstairs: sandblast screening two short films the wall of shame in western sahara: the story of a forgotten refugee nation 7.30pm free/donation £3 downstairs: the catalyst club three guest speakers enthuse, debate & entertain
sat 10 oct
or anniversary contact angi on 01273 687 171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk
sun 11 oct pompoms up – carol cleveland from glamour girl to glamour gran 8pm £10/8
mon 12 oct breakthrough with rough trade the best breaking acts around+djs 8pm £5/4nus
private party to book your private party, wedding
Manchester Street, Brighton Tel.
01273 687171
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
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MUSIC NEWS 29 Pic: Derrick Santini
Musichighlights
Music
> Tuesday 6 October toMonday 12 October > Speech Debelle
With Jeff Hemmings
MUMFORD & SONS Celebrating the release of their superb debut album Sigh No More, this magical and haunting band are set to endear themselves beyond the alt-indie brigade. If you’re a fan of Noah And The Whale and Johnny Flynn, you’ll love them. Tuesday 6 October, Komedia
SPEECH DEBELLE After her recent unexpected scooping of the Mercury Music Prize, here’s your chance to see Debelle in the relatively intimate confines of Coalition. Her debut album Speech Therapy takes in trip-hop, rap, cinematic textures, acoustica and much else besides, but it’s her brilliant lyrics and delivery that really captures the imagination. An outstanding and unassuming talent, she set out to sound like “a hip-hop Tracy Chapman”. And she’s succeeded. Thursday 8 October, Coalition
EILEEN JEWEL This Bostonian’s last album Letters From Sinners And Strangers was an astonishingly assured effort, matching her understated yet insightful songs with a rugged blend of Americana styles that encompass folk, bluegrass, country and blues. With a brilliant band she’s dynamite live, and one of the best of the new generation of Americana artists. Tuesday 6 October, The Basement
ZERO 7 Henry Binns and Sam Hardaker have shifted emphasis from downtempo vibes to a more upbeat sound, as evidenced on the excellent new album Yeah Ghost, which features guest vocals from Eska and Martha Tilston, among others. Binns and Hardaker started out as music engineers before a remix of a Radiohead track set them off on the road to much acclaim. Tuesday 6 October, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome
SECOND SKIN
Back after eight years, Skunk Anansie are once again ready – as one of their new songs puts it – to Tear The Place Up
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or a while back in the mid to late ‘90s, Skunk Anansie were one of Britain’s most successful bands. They scored a number of hits (such as the Top 20 ‘Weak’), released three LPs, and toured with the likes of mega-stars U2, Aerosmith and Lenny Kravitz. fronted by the very striking Skin, their big metal/rock sound, allied to strong lyrics about personal politics, struck a chord at the time – and now looks set to do so a second time around. They’ve just reformed, are about to tour the UK and will release a new album later in the year. So, why did you guys split up in the first place? “We were constantly working flat out for seven years, made three albums and did seven world tours, and never had a holiday,” says guitarist Ace. “By the end of it we were absolutely shattered and burnt out. It got to the point that we had to stop but we didn’t realise that we would stop for so long! We always thought we would reconvene, and we had a deal in place where we would release a greatest hits album, so we knew it would come at some point. But not eight years later! In the meantime, Ace has been releasing his own music, producing lots of new bands, teaching at BIMM and, for the last four years, hosting a radio
show on Juice called The Ace New Music Show. “If you stay too long you end up getting your name on the show,” he laughs. “I’ve already arranged a stand-in while I go on tour for a couple of months.” How did the band end up back together? “It resulted from a meeting about doing the greatest hits album. We hadn’t been in the same room for eight years. But all of sudden it was like ‘we’re back together’! “Its weird, all we did was put out a bulletin on MySpace without doing any press and the tour sold out straight away! We seem to have this very young fanbase who hadn’t seen us live and are gagging to see us now.” Skunk Anansie were known as one of the best live bands of their day, and that reputation hasn’t left them. “We just did our first show in Italy which we were told was going to be filmed for MTV. When we got there we realised there was 40,000 there!” Ace is, not suprisingly, an ace guitarist. Is that why you’re called Ace? “No, it’s because I’m from Cheltenham, and everybody there goes ‘oo arr, that’s ace!’” Skunk Anansie play Concorde 2 on Tuesday 6 October. See listings for details.
THE REAL “Break for lunch” It’s a well-known fact that a nutritious lunch will increase your productivity levels. So experience Brighton’s finest contemporary Indian Cuisine & enjoy our new lunch time menu. A variety of mouth-watering specials including authentic Thali lunch. Your time is precious, so call with your lunch time order & we will have your drinks or starters ready upon your arrival. Mention this advert for complimentary glass of wine or Cobra* Strictly only redeemable Monday–Friday 12–3pm Opening hours: 12–3pm & 6pm–11pm
www.agrabrasserie.co.uk 60 Ship Street, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 1AE 01273 324384
HOUSE OF COMMONS
Are you interested in local politics? Our new high profile political club – a cross betwen The Oxford Union & Have I Got News For You – seeks interested people to make it the club of 2009! call Bill on 01273 687171 or email bill@thelatest.co.uk
no expenses!
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EVENTS | ART 31
Eventspreview
Arthighlights
> Tuesday 6 October to Monday 12 October >
> Tuesday 6 October to Monday 12 October >
Cinderellas Of The Soil When World War II broke out 70 years ago, hundreds of thousands of male farm workers were drafted to the armed services. The Women’s Land Army was created to try and compensate for this lack of essential labour. This major exhibition focusses on the Sussex women who contributed to the war effort, using anecdotes, photographs and more. The Land Girls: Cinderellas Of The Soil, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 01273 290900. Until 14 March 2010
The Blind Tiger Club
Fragments
Hidden away in a hush-hush spot usually reserved for nights that want to remain off the radar, you'll find something on a totally different level – The Blind Tiger Club. Brighton's only 1920s-style speakeasy is back, now bigger and better than ever before. After a totally sold out Brighton Fringe Season and having been named 'Most Groundbreaking Show' by this very magazine, the club is now in a brand new, beautiful and unique secret venue, which is set over three floors and has been lavished with a very generous decor budget. While an all night bar will encourage bourbon sipping, gin drinking, highballs and loose talk, card tables will host games of Blackjack and Poker. There’s also table service, chorus girls, and live and recorded music from yesteryear, including jazz, gypsy and Balkan, plus soulful songs from Fats Waller to Billie Holiday and beyond. It’s all the work of Playgroup, and this time the party will last for four very long nights. It probably won’t happen again for another year, so get your tickets while they last. 8-11 Oct, secret location in central Brighton, £5-£12 advance. Visit www.theblindtigerclub.com for tickets, and email : info@theblindtigerclub.com for location details.
A rare opportunity to see textiles by the Bloomsbury Group. Vanessa Bell (sister to Virginia Woolf) and Duncan Grant designed many of the textiles that were used around the house at Charleston, made from offcuts and fragments. Within this exhibition the artists’ working methods are revealed, and many examples of the importance of textiles to these two artists will be on display. Fragments, Charleston Farmhouse, 01323 811626. Until 1 November
Events listings TUESDAY 6
> The Old Courtroom, 118 Church Street (side
The Space Brighton’s unique monthly arts and media event. This month, meet the director and producer of Monty Python and Fawlty Towers, plus best-selling author Kate Mosse. Doors 7.30, starts 8. £6/£4. Latest MusicBar
entrance) 10.30am-4.30pm. £40 (£25 concessions), includes refreshments. For information and to book call 03000 290902.
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TUESDAY 6 Pixie Time A new monthly event for children to come together, have fun, and get to know who else lives in their neighbourhood. The Level, 11am – 11.30, free
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SATURDAY 10 War At Home It is 70 years since the outbreak of World War II. Find out from the specialists how people in Sussex lived during the war, drawing on expert knowledge of the times, personal diaries and period film footage.
SATURDAY 10 A weekend With A View Sussex Wildlife Trust has teamed up with the Youth Hostel Association to offer adventure weekends in the South Downs and the countryside of Sussex. With walking, exploring and hands-on bushcraft activities for all the family. Alfriston Youth Hostel. Adults £47, children (17 and under) £39. Includes accommodation, evening meal, campfire lunch on Saturday, packed lunch on Sunday. Booking essential, please ring 01273 497561.
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To advertise here costs only £20 Call Rachel Bryant now!
01273 818150 ext 105
Chiropoesis This exhibition of the art of the handmade print harks back to the very early days of photography, when prints were painstakingly made and archived using metals and pigments such as gold, platinum, palladium, silver, Prussian blu, gu and flower pigment. The work of eight photographers is here curated by publisher Paul Daskarolis. Chiropoesis: Foundations Of Photography, Crane Kalman Gallery, 01273 697096. Until 11 October
More Of Everything Michael Davies’ uncomplicated paintings are about a sense of place and a search for truth. His work stems from a visual diary that documents his experience of the world, which is significantly informed by a skull fracture he suffered aged 28. The exhibition’s curator, art critic Julian Bell, has said of his ‘Ceret And The Hog’, “his hog seems to me one of the most intensely imagined animals in English art since Bewick”. Michael Davies: More of Everything, Weekend Gallery, Hastings, 01424 719296. Until 1 November
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Comedypreview > Tuesday 6 October to Monday 12 October >
Comedy listings THURSDAY 8 Comedy Festival Gala with Alan Carr & Friends In Aid Of Sussex Beacon A special treat for comedy fans – Alan Carr makes an exclusive appearance at the Festival Opening Gala. Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £30
Russell Kane: Human Dressage Southend stand-up Russell Kane, three -times nominated for the Edinburgh Festival Award, tells us what to expect when he brings his new show to Brighton this week.. “It’s a show made by doing a microscopic and sociological analysis of the different human behaviours – psychological, physical, metaphysical, philosophical, political – and the different dances we do. The different displays we do to each other and how those displays, if we fake them, change who we become in reality. How who we are in reality changes the displays that we do, and how we grow in and grow out of them with age; how we are born into them. And that’s it, basically. A bit of light reading. “I love playing Brighton. I love playing in the Komedia, I love the Pavilion Theatre – I’m pretty sure I played a couple of other venues down there. It’s always a great gig. It’s that right blend of normal working class people with a ridiculously cosmopolitan Soho-type atmosphere cut through it. It's this perfect mix of energies. I describe it like someone’s taken Southend-on-Sea and buffed it with a sponge. Brighton is like Southend cleaned up. Not that I would ever move from Southend, but there’s obviously an affinity there for coastal towns. People are just a bit cooler that live on the coast. They can’t help it.”
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Macmillan’s Meaning Of Laugh A charity event in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support, featuring Greg Davies, Holly Walsh and guest comedians. Sallis Benney Theatre, 8pm, £13
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Old Rope Some of the best UK comedians showcase new material, hosted by if.comedy award winner Phil Nichol and Tiffany Stevenson. Komedia, 8pm, £8.50/6.50
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The Ornate Johnsons Present... The Cheeky Guide To Love Brought to you by “the best sketch group since Python” (The Guardian). Starring Jo Neary, Beth Fitzgerald, Dave Mounfield and Brian Mitchell. Nightingale Theatre, 7.30pm, £8.50/6.50
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Spaghetti Western Orchestra Direct from a US and European tour armed with over 100 instruments, these brilliant musicians perform music from the movies that made Clint Eastwood a star. Also on Saturday (5pm & 8pm). Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 8pm, £17.50/15.50
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The Penny Dreadfuls – The Never Man From the chaps who brought you the critically-acclaimed Victoriana-filled Aeneas Faversham trilogy comes a new comedy thriller. Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 9.15pm, £12/11
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FRIDAY 9 Best Of The Fest A guaranteed night of unabashed showing off and big laughs. Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 8pm, £16/13/12
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SATURDAY 10 Al Pitcher – The Al Pitcher Picture Show Every comic will tell you that 'a funny thing happened on the way to the gig', but, digital camera in hand, Al has the pictures to prove it! Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £12/11
Charity Chuckle A stand-up fundraiser raising money for the Sussex Beacon. With Brian Gittins headlining, supported by the best up-andcoming comics around. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £6
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Julian Clary – Lord Of The Mince An autobiographical mince through Julian’s 25 years treading the boards to mark his 50th birthday. Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 8pm, £20/17.50
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Hans Teeuwen Hans Teeuwen brings his phenomenally surreal, critically acclaimed cabaret to Brighton for the first time. Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £12/11
The Comedy Club: Gerry K Anecdotal, observational and refreshingly honest. Comedy night featuring a joke competition with prizes. Waitress service to tables. Over 18s only. Brighton Health and Racquets Club, 9pm, £10
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Russell Kane: Human Dressage, Saturday 10 October, Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 9.15pm, £12/11.
Krater Comedy Club An award-winning venue with award-winning comics. Featuring Andrew Lawrence, Roger Monkhouse and Geoff Norcott. MC Stephen Grant. Also on Saturday and Sunday. Komedia, 6.30pm, £12.50/10
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Supported by
FILMS SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261
0871 224 4007
0871 200 2000 www.cineworld.co.uk
www.picturehouses.co.uk
www.odeon.co.uk
01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk
TUESDAY 6
TUESDAY 6
TUESDAY 6
TUESDAY 6
(500) Days Of Summer (12A) 5.30 Anti-Christ (18) 7.45 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 1.10, 3.15 District 9 (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 Dorian Gray (15) 12.30 Fame (PG) 12.45, 2.15, 4.00, 5.15, 6.45, 8.00, 9.15 The Invention Of Lying (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 Pandorum (15) 1.20, 3.45, 6.30, 9.00 Surrogates (12A) 2.45, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 Toy Story 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.15, 6.20, 8.30
NT Live: All’s Well That Ends Well (na): Educational Screening 2.00 Frozen River (15) 11.00 (Silver Screen), 9.00 The Army Of Crime (15) 6.30
Fame (15) tbc Surrogates (15) 8.00
WEDNESDAY 7
THURSDAY 8
Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 12.15, 2.15, 4.15, 6.25 Creation (PG) 6.30 District 9 (15) 1.10, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00 Fame (PG) 12.45, 2.15, 4.00, 5.15, 6.45, 8.00, 9.15 The Invention Of Lying (12A) 12.10, 2.30, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 Julie & Julia (12A) 8.30 Pandorum (15) 1.40, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 The Soloist (12A) 1.00, 3.40, 8.50 Surrogates (12A) 12.50, 3.10, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 Toy Story 3D (PG) 11.40, 1.50, 4.00, 6.10, 8.20
(500) Days Of Summer (12A) 5.30 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 1.10, 3.15 District 9 (15) 7.45 Dorian Gray (15) 12.30 Fame (PG) 12.45, 2.15, 4.00, 5.15, 6.45, 8.00, 9.15 The Invention Of Lying (12A) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 Pandorum (15) 1.20, 3.45, 6.30, 9.00 Surrogates (12A) 2.45, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 Toy Story 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.15, 6.20, 8.30 Zombieland (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.45, 8.15
Big River Man (15) 9.00 The Army Of Crime (15) 4.00, 6.30 The Beaches Of Agnes (12A) 1.00
THURSDAY 8 (500) Days Of Summer (12A) 5.30 Angels & Demons (12A) 10.30am Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 1.10, 3.15 District 9 (15) 7.45 Dorian Gray (15) 12.30 Fame (PG) 12.45, 2.15, 4.00, 5.15, 6.45, 8.00, 9.15 The Invention Of Lying (12A) 10.45, 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.45 Pandorum (15) 1.20, 3.45, 6.30, 9.00 Surrogates (12A) 2.45, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 Toy Story 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.15, 6.20, 8.30 Zombieland (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.45, 8.15
WEDNESDAY 7 District 9 (15) 9.00 Frozen River (15) 11.00 (Big Scream) The Army Of Crime (15) 4.00, 6.30 The Beaches Of Agnes (12A) 1.30
FRIDAY 9 Birdwatchers (15) 2.00 Katalin Varga (15) 6.30 Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee (15) 8.30 Once Upon A Time In The West (15) 11.00 (late show)
SATURDAY 10 Birdwatchers (15) 1.30 Katalin Varga (15) 3.30 Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee (15) 10.00 The Cat Returns (U) 11.00 (kids club) Tosca (na) 6.00
SUNDAY 11 31 North 62 East (15) 4.00 Birdwatchers (15) 1.30 Katalin Varga (15) 6.30 Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee (15) 8.30
MONDAY 12 Birdwatchers (15) 1.30 Katalin Varga (15) 6.30 Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee (15) 8.30
WEDNESDAY 7 Fame (15) 1.30 Surrogates (15) 2.00, 8.00
THURSDAY 8 Fame (15) tbc Surrogates (15) 8.00
FRIDAY 9 The Soloist (12A) 8.00
WEDNESDAY 7 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 12.15, 2.15, 4.15, 6.25 District 9 (15) 1.10, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00 Fame (PG) 12.45, 2.15, 4.00, 5.15, 6.45, 8.00, 9.15 The Invention Of Lying (12A) 12.10, 2.30, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 Pandorum (15) 1.40, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 The Soloist (12A) 8.50 Surrogates (12A) 12.50, 3.10, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 Toy Story 3D (PG) 11.40, 1.50, 4.00, 6.10, 8.20 Zombieland (15) 1.00, 3.00, 5.10, 7.15, 9.25
SATURDAY 10 Aliens In The Attic (PG) 10.15am The Soloist (12A) 8.00
SUNDAY 11 The Soloist (12A) 8.00
MONDAY 12 Dirty Dancing (12A) 1.30, 8.00 Frozen River (15) 1.30 The Soloist (12A) 7.30
THURSDAY 8 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 12.15, 2.15, 4.15, 6.25 District 9 (15) 1.10, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00 Fame (PG) 12.45, 2.15, 4.00, 5.15, 6.45, 8.00, 9.15 The Invention Of Lying (12A) 12.10, 2.30, 4.50, 7.10, 9.30 Pandorum (15) 1.40, 4.20, 6.50, 9.20 The Soloist (12A) 8.50 Surrogates (12A) 12.50, 3.10, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 Toy Story 3D (PG) 11.40, 1.50, 4.00, 6.10, 8.20 Zombieland (15) 1.00, 3.00, 5.10, 7.15, 9.25
Films showing Friday 9–Monday 12
Films showing Friday 9–Monday 12
Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times
Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times
Surrogates
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GAY LISTINGS
Gaylistings > Tuesday 6 October to Monday 12 October > TUESDAY 6 BRIGHTON TAVERN Games Games Games. 12pm, free CHARLES STREET BAR Two’s Company. Double dose of cabaret with Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Killer Pool. 9pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free R-BAR Student Pub Crawl Pay Day Warm-Up. 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Payday Neon Rave. DJs LadyBex and Dulcie Danger bang out clubland rave selections! Happy Freshers! 10.30pm, £3/free with wristband THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free
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WEDNESDAY 7
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AMSTERDAM Student Karaoke. 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free QUEEN’S ARMS Karaoke Star 2009 – 1st prize £150. Can you belt out a pop, rock country song or maybe a ballad? 9.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH Student Night. Can't cook? Won't cook? Never fear, drink and pizza promos for NUS all night! 6pm, free R-BAR The Midweek Shuffle. Brighton’s hottest new DJ, Zack Hadley rocks R-Bar with cheesy pop, chart, ‘90s dance and club. 12pm–2am THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free
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THURSDAY 8 CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL – My Cow Is On Fire. Funky house across two floors. Plus cheap as Primark Pants drinks deals! 8pm-3am, £1 (Goes To Charity) MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Girls On Top Fun House. Ringmasters LadyBex and Smiffy doll out freaky pop remixes, trash and chart to a crowd of evil clowns at this one-off circus special! 10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £5/4 after THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. 11pm–4am, free
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FRIDAY 9 CHARLES STREET BAR Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday. Filthy funky dance and house. 9.30pm–2am, free GHETTO Popstarz. Indie. 10pm, free b4 11pm LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Girl’s Night. Two floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Pride Cabaret Fundraiser: Target £1500. Fundraiser with Betty Swollocks, Spice and many more local talents! 12pm–2am, £2 R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free
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REVENGE Cirque De Lollipop. Clubland dance and high-energy party with a freaky clown twist. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Double the DJ power with Peter Castle playing girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free
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SATURDAY 10 AMSTERDAM Sun Downers + Late Night Bar. The best beach house music in town. 8pm–5am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Mardi Gras. HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3. LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Queen Jo at the Marly offers fab funky house. 9pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Pride Cabaret Fundraiser: Target £1,500. With Lola Lasagne, Kitty Litter and Kamp Kevin. Bar open 12pm, Donations on the door R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous. Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics. 10.30pm–6am, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free THE PV AT THE JURY’S OUT Booty Call. Special guest DJ Soap spins body shakin' summer rollers. 12pm, free THE ZONE Presents... Sally Vate. 9.30pm, free
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SUNDAY 11 AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Karaoke from 8pm. 12pm–1am, free AUDIO Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance and funky vocal electro filth with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 INK Pink. Mish-mash of future spaced out disco, nu electro pop GaGa and old skool Madonna. 8pm, £4/2 LEGENDS Sunday Cabaret with Kandi Kane. 3.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Sunday Quiz. With Drag King, Jack Roquard. 7pm, £1 entry QUEEN’S ARMS Pride Cabaret Fundraiser: Lola Lasagne + Betty’s Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays and Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Silent Night. One house, one electro, one pop and one D'n'B DJ collide on one set of ‘phones. Choose your channel or switch off and chat. choice is yours. 10.30pm–4am, £5/3 THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes. 11pm–4am, free
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MONDAY 12 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin all the best party tracks spanning the last four decades. 10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Trans Night. Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free R-BAR Miss Jason’s Mad House. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool! 10pm, free QUEENS ARMS Deal or No Deal Drinks + Karaoke. 8pm–1am, free
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REVIEWS
Sarah Millican
Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk LAMB Lamb arrived in a suitably ethereal mist and left in a frenzied, trip-hop welter, such was the appreciation of the sophisticated sell-out crowd. Vocalist Lou Rhodes’ polished sheen took the edge off the overexuberance of Andy Barlow, which at times came across a bit Jez from Peep Show. The dislocated nature of the songs – from chilled dub to screeching electronica – is no doubt part of the attraction but left me longing for the hook. However I was truly ‘landed’ by the two stand-out tracks of the night: ‘Goreck’i and ‘Heaven’. Who came first, by the way, Portishead or Lamb? Concorde 2, 22 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Jan Goodey
TANGO FIRE For sheer athleticism Tango Fire would win a five star rating. The dancers are not only artists but athletes, and their extraordinary choreography was mind-blowing stuff. But from thereon the stars simply faded away. The setting was drab – a few tables and chairs in the first half and some very flat lighting and smoke did little to give us the atmosphere of an Argentinian dance bar. The costumes, however, rescued things visually, both the men and women looking swarthy and sexy. The band were brilliant but, in their solo pieces, the mood was far more avante garde and left me cold. All in all a mixed evening with some fire but lacking cohesion and creative direction. Brighton Dome, 25 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay
BOUTIQUE THEATRE PRESENTS BONBON! Brighton’s got talent, and a packedto-the-rafters crowd bore witness to the fact at Boutique Theatre’s latest outing, Bonbon! Whilst their vaudeville based ‘end of the pier style’ burlesque is somewhat removed from the edgier eroticism of its American counterpart, the saucy seaside postcard approach perfectly served the range of talents on show. From the slick dance routine professionalism of Coco Smooth to the bawdy humour of Honour Mission, there was something for everyone. The eclectic soundtrack was a large part of the show, with compare Gretchen Von Bitchin’s belting Berlin-style ‘Mein Herr’ being a particular highlight, as was Pretty Little Horsebreakers’ alluring fivestrong slant on traditional air hostess style. Old Market, 25 September ✪✪✪✪✪ David McCarthy
RORY MULLIGAN AND THE IMAGINARY BAND When Rory Mulligan started singing with a growling vocal to rival Tom Waits, we knew this was going to be one album launch to remember. Double bass, sax, violin, drums and guitar all came into their own in a rootsy harmonic blend, with reggae riffs, strains of soul, and super smooth instrumentation. The band’s own material was broken up with a stunning piano solo, and a couple of cool covers by the likes of White Stripes, Coltrane and Waits. Latest Music Bar, 27 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni
Do you disagree with our verdict on one of these shows? comment@thelatest.co.uk Rory Mulligan And The Imaginary Band
SHAKE THE ROOM COMIC BOOM Komedia, 24 September ✪✪✪✪✪
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hat a comedic treat after the summer break, with nine comics – including two bonus ones who stepped in when the opener’s train ran late –, none of whom fell short at any time. The night opened with the fabulous talents of local funny lady on the rise Julie Jepson as compere. Friendly, selfdeprecating and confident, Julie inspired trust in the night before she had even brought the first act on, without ever appearing cocky. The acts kicked off with the always funny and lovable psycho-kooky Sam Savage, moving on to the dry and wry Adam Smith, and then the random surreal musings of Gerry Howell – hailed by many as the next Eddie Izzard. Amadeus Martin opened the second third with a likeable and engaging set, followed by the comically deadpan deliberations of Robin Buckland, the perky sexual politics with bright sparks of Claire Parker, and an almost ad hoc stumble of a set from
Pappy's Fun Club's Matthew Crosby on the subject of geekdom. Crosby has the stagecraft to be able to mix the older, proven material with a few newer musings, and maintain the confidence of the audience. Just as in his award-winning sketch comedy group, the fly-bythe-seat-of-your-pants delivery and formulation of his set were totally endearing and engaging. Everyone was already full to the brim with laughter by the time headliner Sarah Millican came on. She was by turns sweet, crude, sharp, soft but always incredibly funny. Utterly charming and original, Millican is the woman in the groceries queue whose outspokeness fixes you to the spot with hysteria and curiosity. Fab – and surely destined to be playing the Dome Concert Hall before too long. Sarah Millican: Typical Woman is at the Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome on Sunday 11 October as a part of the Magners Comedy Festival. Victoria Nangle
>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance? Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk
Pic: Edward Moore
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SPORT | TV
L7 Sport
YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE
6– 12 OCT
With Andy Winter
The perfect season? Matt Prior may be loaned to England, but Sussex has other fresh talent at hand
T
his has almost been the perfect season for Sussex County Cricket Club. Just about everything went according to plan (other than the Lord's Final where Sussex failed to compete against arch-rivals Hampshire, and the entire County Championship season!) In one-day cricket, Sussex are the number one side in the country and, in the next couple of weeks, they are up against the best in the world in the Champions League in India where they can show that they are, possibly, the best in the world. The Sussex Sharks won its first ever Twenty20 Cup and retained the Pro40 Division One title (in spite of losing the last match of the season). What is particularly pleasing, this was achieved with a comparatively young side and prospects for future years is very encouraging. Sussex lost Matt Prior to England for much of the season and, given his excellent form with the bat, it is likely that we will not see much of him in 2010. In Andrew Hodd we have a most capable substitute, a first rate keeper although not as explosive with the bat as Prior. The emergence of Rory Hamilton-Brown and Will Beer bodes well for Sussex in the spin bowling department, although the absence of a really menacing fast bowler remains a cause for concern. While Luke Wright has gained an extra yard of pace, he will be missing more Sussex matches as regular England call ups are likely to follow next year.
Pic: Clare Calder
Rory Hamilton-Brown
“Hamilton-Brown has the potential to rewrite every record in the book”
Hamilton-Brown is not only a talented slow bowler. His batting will soon attract the attention of the England selectors, at least as a limited overs batsman. When he learns to pace an innings, and not lose his wicket with rash shots, he has the potential to rewrite every record in the book! Chris Nash has matured into a batsman of real stature, a probable successor to the superlative Murray Goodwin who will be with Sussex for just one more year. Dwayne Smith has been carefully nurtured by the club over the last 18 months and he is clearly a match winner with both bat and ball. But how on earth has a team that is so full of talent, and one that almost beat the mighty Australians, completely failed in the County Championship? Sussex were truly appalling and cannot complain about being relegated to the second division after eight years in the first division during which time they won three Championships. Other than the County Championship, it has been a truly memorable and enjoyable year to follow Sussex. I for one can’t wait to return to Hove in early April to see Sussex’s campaign to regain its rightful place in the first division.
Telly Talk With Victoria Nangle
Family ties Family! Five, all week; True Blood, Channel 4, Wednesday
A
s Peggy Mitchell might say: “It’s all about faaa-amily.” But it’s also all about brand new telly, as this week sees the start of two shows with very different takes on how families should act – unsurprisingly, as one is told from the perspective of a four-year-old on a Sussex farm, and the other is about vampires. Family has always been popular with telly-folks. It’s a touchstone we all have some experience of, whether it’s the comi-drama of Shameless or the comfy sitcom of My Family, recently recommissioned for a further two series. With this in mind, Five’s Family! is hardly a surprise bid. The fouryear-old narrator, however, is – gently allowing us to re-visit an innocent time of family before the teenage barneys and discoveries of parental fallability. It kicks off this week with an array of adventures, starting with ‘Evie’s birthday’ (she’s our young family guide), and Tuesday’s ‘Going For A Walk’, all the way through to Friday’s ‘Rainy Day’, when Evie plays Hide and Seek with her big cousins. She lives on a farm for crying out loud! How much more idyllic can you get? And she’s in Sussex. Can
you guess whereabouts? See if you can recognise that hedgerow. And if not, still, what a lovely way to try and understand what is going through the minds of our littlest nearest and dearest. In a very different kind of countryside, deep in the heart of Louisiana, waitress Sookie Stackhouse is living in her grandma’s house while her brother Jason is not far off in the same town of Bon Temps. Yup, this lot are definitely a tad older than Family! and a smidge more jaded with it. Sookie can read the minds of the inhabitants in her small town and – oh yes – vampires are now a part of the global community since the Japanese developed a synthetic blood on which they can survive (leave it up to those clever Japanese folks to make our alternative universes more interesting). Also, 173-year-old Bill Compton has just moved to town. Much hyped and hugely anticipated on terrestrial, True Blood is the latest offering from the creator of Six Feet Under and delivers by the bucketload. Like Six Feet..., it mixes its extraordinary storylines with a very human heart of community and disjointed family. Anna Paquin is both ordinary and charming as Sookie, while her undead potential beau, Brit Stephen Moyer, has a stiffness born from Olde Worlde breeding. Still, there’s an undenyable sexiness, often associated with all things Deep South, from the off, hinting at the sauciness of things to come. Innocence and knowing: welcome to the modern TV family.
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tuesday 6 How To Look Good Naked Channel 4, 8pm When a makeover series visits our neck of the woods we sit up and take notice. Gok Wan is working his self-esteem magic on 27-year-old air hostess Claire from East Sussex. She’s all set to get married but hardly feels like a blushing bride. Now’s the time to check out the best shops Gok suggests on our back doorstep.
The Fixer ITV1, 9pm When you think of the targets of international hitmen, usually it’s arms dealers, civil rights bods and world leaders that spring to mind. Not a ten-month-old baby boy. Of course he’s also heir to a huge fortune, and his death would be a mega catalyst to Indian underworld bloodshed. Best protect the nipper, then.
Kids For Sale: Stacey Dooley Investigates BBC3, 8pm Stacey first discovered the issue of child labour in Nepal when working with the fashion industry. With thousands of young children forced to leave home to work either in factories or domestic service, Stacey tries to find out how this can happen, and observe the appalling conditions endured.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 Blue Peter 4.55 MyWish 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 Tommy Zoom 8.40 Big Barn Farm 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Geography 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00pm Working Lunch 1.30 Snooker: Grand Prix 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia is joined by the saved couple, plus a look at the highs and lows of the weekend’s dances. 7.00 Snooker: Grand Prix The last of the first round matches get underway in Glasgow. Pick a colour each and get a point every time it’s potted. Red doesn’t count. 8.00 Masterchef The Professionals The three chefs who earnt the right to cook for the legendary Michel face one final test. 9.00 Blitz: The Bombing Of Coventry On 14th November 1940, the Luftwaffe launched the most devastating bombing raid so far on Britain. Shattering us and preparing our forces to be equally ruthless. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Jools is joined by Scottish trio Biffy Clyro, king of easy listening Andy Williams, Calvin Harris, Echo and the Bunnymen, Spaghetti Western Orchestra, plus singersongwriter Diana Jones. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Highlights of the Conservative Party’s annual conference in Manchester. 11.50 Last Chance To See Repeat of Sunday’s show. 12.50am Snooker: Grand Prix Highlights 1.40 Snooker: Grand Prix Extra 3.40 BBC News 4.00 Taking Issue 4.55 Belief File
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity is forced to make a major decision when the hostility with Cain reaches breaking point. Dingles take family bickers to another level. 7.30 Grimefighters Series following the work of Britain’s clean-up teams. Extreme cleaner Steve is called to clear a North London flat with a bathroom which has been used as a giant cat litter tray. Would it be possible to get a giant cat litter tray to use as a bathroom instead? 8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten more hopeful contestants compete in the ‘fastest finger first’ round for a place in the hotseat opposite Chris Tarrant. Chewck out the lovely manicure when he offers the big cheques. 9.00 The Fixer See highlights. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Black Market Britain A look at how the counterfeit racket has become an international, highly organised and extremely profitable operation. Scary biscuits. 11.35 In Plain Sight American drama about a US Marshal working in the Witness Protection Programme. 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.20 Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.10 Loose Women 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The Wot Wots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Britain’s Bravest 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.05 FILM: Taking A Chance On Love (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Nicole’s feelings for Sid intensify. Ruby attempts to contact her father. Aden gets a new housemate. ‘Bout time. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show. 7.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. 8.00 Warship Documentary series filmed on board a Royal Navy ship. HMS Bulwark is nearing the end of her mission. 9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. As soon as a country club employee is convicted of murder, new evidence appears that may prove his innocence. But a driven defence attorney stands in the way of justice. Do you see a rapper cameo? We do. 10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. A charity event is interrupted when the body of the Deputy Mayor falls from the ceiling. Bit of a show-stopper. 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. A husband-and-wife con team are suspected of foul play when a woman is found dead in the swimming pool of a mansion they are house-sitting. 12.00am The FBI Files 12.55 SuperCasino 3.00 PGA Tour Golf 3.50 European Challenge Tour Golf 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30pm SPL Round-Up 1.00 Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 Netbusters 4.30 SPL Round-Up 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 LIVE Darts: World Grand Prix 12.00am Revista De La Liga 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 On The Line 2.00 Hyundai A League 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 On The Line 4.00 Modern Pentathlon World Cup Series 5.00 Golf: PGA Cup 2009
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ronnie has some shocking news for Peggy. Can that family really shock each other after all the things they’ve put each other through? Maybe a hug. 8.00 Holby City Ric is hoping Maria’s operation will be a success, until he finds himself working with an incompetent surgeon and Maria’s life hangs in the balance. Is it wrong to want to slap a surgeon upside the head while in theatre? 9.00 Criminal Justice Thriller. Struggling with life in prison and the enormity of her actions, Juliet is desperate to see her daughter and is destroyed by Ella’s ultimate rejection of her. Juliet is charged with the attempted murder of her husband who remains in a critical condition. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Autistic Me Documentary following three people with autism at pivotal moments on the road to being accepted as an adult. 11.35 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross reviews Up and the horror comedy Zombieland. 12.05am FILM: One More Kiss (1999) 1.40 Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.15 MasterChef The Professionals 3.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.00 BBC News
6.00 – 7.00am Britney 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 JLS’s Postcard From T4 On The Beach 7.45 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.10 Frasier 8.40 Will And Grace 9.30 My Crazy Media Life 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 KNTV Sex 11.00 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Glamour Puds 12.55 It’s Me Or The Dog 1.25 FILM: Angel And The Badman (1947) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Nancy is furious to hear the news of Jake’s imminent release. Hannah reveals to an awkward Loretta that she wrote to Jake in prison, posing as Nancy, and is now scared at the possibility of Nancy finding out. Run for the hills! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How To Look Good Naked See highlights. 9.00 Jamie’s American Road Trip The final stop on Jamie’s tour is a Navajo Indian reservation in Arizona, where he gets a crash course in spirituality. Groovy. 10.00 The Big Food Fight Food quiz hosted by Sue Perkins. Team captain Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall teams up with Levi Roots to take on Allegra McEvedy and Tom Parker-Bowles. 10.30 Derren Brown: Trick Of The Mind 2 Derren Brown travels around the country demonstrating his unique powers. 11.05 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reality series. 12.10am Full Tilt Poker Late Night Poker 1.10 FIA GT Championship 1.35 World Superbikes 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.30 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 2.55 The McCain Track And Field Show 3.20 Freesports On 4 3.50 Water Stories 4.00 Ancient Egypt (x3) 4.45 Animated Bible Stories (x5) 5.35 Making It (x5)
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 4.00pm Formula Kart Stars 4.30 Sportnation 5.30 Polo: British Beach Polo Championships 6.00 On The Line 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE: Live Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker Million 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 Golf: PGA Cup 2009 2.00 Polo: British Beach Polo Championships 2.30 Pool: World Pool Masters
Sky Sports 3 7.30am Spirit Of Yachting 8.00 Elite League Speedway 10.00 British Carp Angling Championships 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sportnation 1.00 British Carp Angling Championships 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Bowls 5.00 WWE: Smackdown 7.00 Modern Pentathlon 8.00 Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Golf 12.00am Polo 1.00 Bowls 3.00 Golf
Victoria Nangle
extraterrestrial Sky1
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4.00pm Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama 8.00 Stargate Universe (x2) 10.00 Stargate Universe: Access All Areas 10.30 Fringe 11.40 Fringe: Access All Areas 12.10am Road Wars (x2)
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Kids For Sale: Stacey Dooley Investigates. See highlights. 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 How Not To Live Your Life 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Don’t Tell The Bride 12.50am Kids For Sale: Stacey Dooley Investigates
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Tales From The Green Valley 8.00 History Of Scotland 9.00 Electric Dreams 10.00 It’s Only A Theory 10.30 The Life And Death Of A Mobile Phone 11.00 Rab C Nesbitt 11.30 Early Doors 12.00am Scotland’s Music With Phil Cunningham 1.00 Electric Dreams
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 10.00 FILM: Passenger 57 (1993) 11.45 FILM: Levity (2003) 1.45am Emmerdale 2.10 Teleshopping
3.00pm Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Profiling Ruth Rendell 10.00 Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford: Harm Done 12.10am Reckless 1.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.05 Cracker
3.05pm Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Running In Heels 11.00 RuPaul’s Drag Race 12.00am Rick And Steve: The Happiest Gay Couple In All The World
4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 True Stories: The Glass House 12.00am Location, Location, Location 1.00 True Stories: The Glass House
11.00am The Red Pony (1949) 12.45pm The Barbarian And The Geisha (1958) 2.50 The Black Swan (1942) 4.30 The Way West (1967) 6.50 Silver Streak (1976) 9.00 The Departed (2006) 11.50 The Blair Witch Project (1999) 1.30am The Believer (2001)
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wednesday 7 True Blood Channel 4, 10pm There’s been so much hype about this super sexy, contemporary, Deep South vampire drama based on a series of best-selling books that, regardless of what is said here, you’ll have to watch it yourself. Otherwise you’ll just have no idea what everyone else is talking about. Stars Anna Paquin. Fabuloso.
Generation Kill Channel 4, 11.20pm From the creator of The Wire comes another critically acclaimed drama series, this time chronicling the first 40 days of the Iraq War through the experiences of a group of young but highly trained marines. Count on well developed characters, hard-hitting storylines and something truly remarkable.
It’s Only A Theory BBC4, 10.30pm This is a brand new series on BBC4 – big sister to teenage rabble rouser BBC3 – making it more of a considered laughter inspirer. Comics Reg D Hunter and Andy Hamilton host with a guest celeb joining them, as luminaries and experts in their field profess theories about life, the universe and everything.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Wait For It..! 4.35 Blue Peter 4.55 MyWish 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 Tommy Zoom 8.40 Big Barn Farm 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 Pingu 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Snooker: Grand Prix 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 5.55 Party Political Broadcast 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia takes a peek into the training rooms to find out how the couples are shaping up for the weekend. People-shaped we hope. 7.00 Snooker: Grand Prix Hazel Irvine, Steve Davis and John Parrott introduce live action from tonight’s second round matches at Kelvin Hall, where a prize fund of over £500,000 is up for grabs. Balls! 8.15 Masterchef The Professionals Double Michelin starred chef Michel Roux Jnr and vegetable expert and Masterchef veteran Gregg Wallace are on the hunt for a young chef who wants to make it to the top of the culinary world. Nice jobs if you can get them. 9.00 Dragons’ Den: On Tour The West is the destination for the final stage of the Dragons’ tour. 10.00 All New Shooting Stars Vic Reeves, Bob Mortimer and Matt Lucas return for a special anniversary edition of the show. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Highlights of the Conservative Party’s annual conference in Manchester. 11.50 Happy Birthday OU: 40 Years Of The Open University 12.50am Snooker: Grand Prix Highlights 1.40 Snooker: Grand Prix Extra 3.40 BBC News 4.00 Belief File
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.00am Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Eminem 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 My Crazy Media Life 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 KNTV Sex 11.00 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Glamour Puds 1.00 In Your Dreams 1.15 It’s Me Or The Dog 1.45 FILM: In Old California (1942) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Jake returns to Hollyoaks to a frosty reception. After an encounter with Nancy in the village, he is convinced he’ll never be welcome back. Well, you’re not exactly bestest pals, are you? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Ruth Watson’s Hotel Rescue Hotelier and food writer Ruth Watson attempts to assist couples starting out in hotel ownership. Ruth comes to the aid of American expatriates Kent and Claire, who have risked financial ruin by pouring their money into transforming a mansion in Newark. Is Newark the first place you think of when heading over the Pond? Maybe. Maybe after this. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Series in which a millionaire goes undercover in a deprived area in the hope of changing someone’s life with a generous gift of their own hardearned money. IT tycoon Dominic List hears first hand about the problems of street crime and gang culture in the London area of Peckham. 10.00 True Blood See highlights. 11.20 Generation Kill Drama miniseries. See highlights. 12.45am This Week’s 4Music Top 20 2.40 Dogs Mercury 3.05 3 Minute Wonder 3.10 Unreported World 3.35 Dispatches: Who Took Your Pension? 4.30 Reaper 5.10 Countdown
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The Wot Wots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Britain’s Bravest 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Jane Doe: Till Death Do Us Part (2005) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Xavier’s jealousy over Geoff increases. Angelo reveals his real target in Summer Bay. Didn’t he kill when he first arrived? What’s going on? 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Building The Ultimate Series which focuses on great feats of engineering. Hold onto your wrinkles, it’s rollercoasters this week. Wheee! 8.00 World War I In Colour This final programme moves on to 1918 when, after four years of fighting, the stalemate of the trenches was broken and the guns fell silent. 9.00 Farmer Wants A Wife Fortyfour-year-old David manages a mixed arable and pig farm in North Yorkshire. He is looking for a special someone to share his life on the farm, and soon whittles his list of potential partners down to the youngest and the oldest of all the applicants. Age is just a number. And a bucket of experience. That too. 10.00 FILM: Sudden Impact (1983) Starring Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Pat Hingle. Police thriller. The fourth of the ‘Dirty Harry’ series. 12.20am PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open III 1.45 SuperCasino 3.00 2009 Summer X Games 3.55 Race And Rally UK 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Poker Million 12.00pm Football Asia 12.30 On The Line 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Poker Million 4.00 Revista De La Liga 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Total Rugby 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 LIVE Darts: World Grand Prix 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Poker Million 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 European Tour Weekly 5.00 Motocross
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers Nigel Slater looks at ingredients that provide a real contrast on the plate, as he creates a week’s worth of simple yet delicious meals. Get yer notepad ready. 8.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series. Traffic cops in South Wales are on the hunt for people with something to hide. Squirrels! 9.00 Criminal Justice Jack and Anna are in dire straits with a murder charge to defend, and Juliet is still unable to talk about life with Joe. A few months on, Juliet gives birth, under prison guard, to a daughter. The baby gives Juliet a renewed sense of purpose. That’ll help. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws 10.45 FILM: The Mothman Prophecies (2002) Starring Richard Gere, David Eigenberg. Supernatural thriller, focussing on a journalist whose wife experienced a strange moth-like vision immediately before she was killed in a car accident. 12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 1.40 Sign Zone: Country Tracks 2.35 MasterChef The Professionals 3.20 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.05 BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.55 Party Conference Broadcast: The Conservative Party By the Conservative Party. Who else? 7.00 Emmerdale Debbie is forced to choose between her parents, and is devastated by the consequences. 8.00 The Daily Mirror Pride Of Britain Awards Carol Vorderman presents the annual awards ceremony that honours the nation’s unsung heroes. At London’s Grosvenor House, Gordon Brown and Prince Charles are joined by a host of stars including Sir Michael Caine, Simon Cowell and David Beckham. They queue up to pay tribute to the amazing real-life award winners, including a 12-year-old boy whose battle against leukaemia has raised £600,000, the marine who tackled a suicide bomber in Afghanistan, and a four-year-old who rescued her sister from a scalding bath. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras Highoctane series in which miniature cameras fitted to police uniforms take you to the heart of the action. Oh, for the outtakes. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott (x2) 1.25am Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 Lady In The Mask 10 Years On: Tonight 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Hyundai A League 7.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 Mountainbike World 10.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 4.00pm Mountainbike World 4.30 Golf: PGA Cup 2009 5.30 Golf 6.30 European Tour Weekly 7.00 Trilby Golf Tour 8.00 Polo 9.00 Polo 10.00 Trilby Golf Tour 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am Judo 1.00 Showjumping: Arena UK Grand Prix 2.00 Trilby Golf Tour 3.00 British Motocross Championship 4.00 Judo
Sky Sports 3 6.30am Polo 7.30 Polo: British Beach Polo Championships 8.00 Golf: PGA Cup 2009 9.00 Golf 10.00 Modern Pentathlon 11.00 Hyundai A League 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Hyundai A League 3.00 Modern Pentathlon 4.00 Sports Unlimited 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Showjumping: Arena UK Grand Prix 8.00 Judo 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 Showjumping: Arena UK Grand Prix 11.00 Polo 12.00am Polo 1.00 Max Power 2.00 Squash: British Open 3.00 Squash: British Open
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1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV 5.00 Futurama 5.30 My Big Fat Cycle Challenge 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 House 10.00 Octomum: The 8 Baby Mother 11.30 Law And Order 12.30am Road Wars
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 FILM: High School Musical (2006) 10.35 How Not To Live Your Life 11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.55 Lunch Monkeys 12.25am Don’t Tell The Bride 1.25 How Not To Live Your Life 1.55 Lunch Monkeys 2.25 Clever V Stupid
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 8.00 Iran And Britain 9.00 A Taste Of Iran 10.30 It’s Only A Theory. See highlights. 11.00 Wallander 12.30am A Taste Of Iran 2.00 It’s Only A Theory 2.30 Iran And Britain 3.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain
12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Trinity 10.00 FILM: The Matrix (1999) 12.45am Hell’s Kitchen USA 1.40 Emmerdale
1.55pm Poirot 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life 11.00 Sherlock: Case Of Evil 1.00am Cane 1.40 The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 2.35 Surgical Spirit
12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Friends 2.10 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Hole (2001) 11.00 School Of Comedy 11.30 Fonejacker 12.00am Scrubs (x2)
2.30pm Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 When Boris Met Dave 10.35 Prince Charles’ Other Mistress 11.40 Saving Grace 12.40am When Boris Met Dave
11.00am The Way West (1967) 1.20pm Kipps (1942) 3.30 Blood On The Sun (1945) 5.20 The Drum (1938) 7.15 Bedazzled (2000) 9.00 Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) 11.15 The League Of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse (2005) 1.00am The Dancer Upstairs (2002)
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thursday 8 Never Mind The Buzzcocks BBC2, 9.30pm More music-based hilarity ensues as the format holds true despite its cast change. Team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding are joined by guest host, Wales tourist board representative and comedian Rhod Gilbert, with panelists Greg Davies, Martin Kemp, Gabby Logan and Jeremy Reynolds.
Without A Trace Channel 4, 10pm You know when someone keeps doing stuff that you know will one day get them into trouble? That’s sort of how the dramatic FBI Missing Persons Squad might feel looking back on the actions of a missing student. After making racist comments in class, they appear to have vanished. Outspoken or out of luck? Both.
Off The Hook BBC3, 8pm Could it be the 21st century’s answer to The Young Ones? Or simply what telly execs think young whippersnappers get up to while at that popular location – university? This sitcom of uni flatmates is many things to many people. This week Shane decides to throw a party, only to be scuppered by ‘Weird Bloke’.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 SMart 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 Tommy Zoom 8.40 Big Barn Farm 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Class Clips 11.50 Difference And Discrimination 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 Snooker: Grand Prix 2.00 Daily Politics Conference Special 4.00 Snooker: Grand Prix 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip. 7.00 Snooker: Grand Prix The live draw for the quarter-finals takes place. How to play along: pick a cushion at the start and get points for every time a ball hits your cushion. 8.00 Masterchef The Professionals Four chefs tackle a skills test of jointing a rabbit and a palate test of scrambled eggs. Aren’t eggs supposed to be easy? 8.45 Masterchef The Professionals It is the quarter finals, and the four winning chefs have to cook three courses of their own design for three critics. 9.30 Never Mind The Buzzcocks See highlights. 10.00 Dragons’ Den Online Radio 1’s Dominic Byrne is our guide to Dragons’ Den Online. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Highlights of the Conservative Party’s annual conference in Manchester. 11.50 My Life In Verse: Robert Webb Robert Webb goes on a journey to find out more about the poem ‘The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock’ and the poet TS Eliot. 12.50am Snooker: Grand Prix Highlights 1.40 Snooker: Grand Prix Extra 3.40 BBC News 4.00 Secular Believers 5.00 RE Clips
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.00am Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Justin Timberlake 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Will And Grace 9.30 My Crazy Media Life 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 KNTV Sex 11.00 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Glamour Puds 1.00 British Made 1.10 FILM: Battle Of The River Plate (1957) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Rae tells Newt that he can’t get any more medication without handing himself into the police. Fairy Nuff. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Location, Location, Location Phil and Kirstie help people looking for help in the property market. Two young couples seek Phil and Kirstie’s assistance in looking for family homes in Buckinghamshire, a popular area for London commuters. Not so popular for Edinburgh commuters. 9.00 Alex: A Passion For Life Follow-up documentary to the Emmy Award-winning film about remarkable musical prodigy Alex Stobbs, who is battling against a strong form of cystic fibrosis. Now aged 19 and studying at King’s College in Cambridge, Alex is determined to live the life of a typical student, complete with late nights and girlfriends. 10.00 Without A Trace See highlights. 11.00 Without A Trace American drama series. The team investigates the disappearance of a martial arts fighter. 11.55 Jamie Cullum: Video Exclusive 12.00am 4Music Favourites: Shakira 12.35 Teachers 1.45 Extreme Male Beauty 2.45 Volvo Ocean Race 5.15 Countdown
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.55 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Britain’s Bravest 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.05 FILM: Miles From Nowhere (1992) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trilby Golf Tour 11.00 European Tour Weekly 11.30 Live European Tour Golf: Madrid Masters 1.30pm Total Rugby 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Madrid Masters 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: World Grand Prix 12.00am Time Of Our Lives 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 European Rugby: Challenge Cup 4.30 Time Of Our Lives 5.30 Barclays Premier League World
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Stacey’s condition forces Jean to make an awful decision. Meanwhile, Max struggles to keep his head above water, and Sam faces an embarrassing reality. 8.00 Watchdog Anne Robinson, Matt Allwright and Anita Rani take on the big names and businesses that are letting viewers down, with investigations and topical reports. 9.00 Criminal Justice Juliet’s trial begins and time is running out for the defence as Ella testifies against her mother. Jack tells Juliet that she needs to talk if she wants to stand a chance of keeping the children as well as her life as a free woman. This threat spurs her into action and she finally reveals to Jack the truth about her marriage. Tears before bedtime. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Dave Dimbleby chairs from Manchester, scene of the Tory conference. The panel includes Ian Hislop and Charles Kennedy. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Design For Life 1.55 Countryfile 2.50 MasterChef The Professionals 3.35 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.20 BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Adam is horrified when Aaron reveals that he sabotaged the brakes in Carl’s car. 7.30 Countrywise 8.00 Emmerdale Jimmy and Nicola use Carl’s sabotaged car to take Angelica out – but can Adam get to the village in time to avert disaster? 8.30 Coronation Street Kevin and Molly’s trip takes an unexpected twist. Peter’s paranoia causes a rift with Leanne. 9.00 The Bill When eight-year-old Owen Reaney is reported missing, his mother Maggie tells the cops that she and the boy’s father Phil are going through a difficult divorce. But when questioned, Phil is furious to be treated as a suspect. Then CCTV footage reveals that Owen appeared to get into a car willingly with a man called Nick McCann. A different kind of abduction altogether. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 When Piers Met Sir Cliff Another chance to see this interview. 11.35 Surface Fantasy drama. On the run with Rich, Laura encounters a mysterious person who claims to know the origin of the creatures. 12.30am British Superbike Championship Highlights 1.20 Motorsport UK 2.10 The Cosby Mysteries 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
6.00 Home And Away Angelo’s attempt to trap Hugo ends in disaster. He used a massive scale version of the 70s boardgame Mousetrap. D’oh! 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Inferno 999 Documentary series following the daily lives of officers from the Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service. 8.00 Megastructures: Built From Disaster Documentary. This instalment examines how a series of high-speed rail crashes forced engineers to incorporate a number of safety features into their designs for the trains of the future. 9.00 Vice Squad Series following the work of the Metropolitan Police Vice Unit. The officers of the vice squad are on red alert when they hear rumours of an underage girl working in a London brothel. 10.00 FILM: Revolver (2005) Starring Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore, Andre Benjamin and Francesca Annis. Complex crime thriller. A con man is released from prison after seven years inside for a crime he did not commit. Intent on revenge before a terminal disease kills him, he plays poker with the gangster responsible. Risky business. 12.15am SuperCasino 4.00 NFL Replay 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Trilby Golf Tour 9.00 Polo 10.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 3.00pm Showjumping: Arena UK Grand Prix 4.00 Polo 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 6.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.00 LIVE European Rugby: Challenge Cup 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am Powerboating 1.00 Horse Of The Year Show 4.00 Powerboating
Sky Sports 3 7.00am Rallying 8.00 Judo - GB World Cup 2008 9.00 British Motocross Championship 10.00 Polo 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 British Motocross Championship 2.00 Euro Tour Golf 4.00 Judo - GB World Cup 2008 5.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 6.00 British Motocross Championship 7.00 Powerboating 8.00 LIVE Horse Of The Year Show 11.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 1.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 2.00 Golf Night
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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV 5.00 Futurama 5.30 My Big Fat Cycle Challenge 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama 8.00 Slimmer Of The Year: What Happened Next? 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 A Town Called Eureka
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Off The Hook. See highlights. 8.30 Underage And Pregnant 9.00 Kids With Machetes: Stacey Dooley Investigates 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Lunch Monkeys 11.00 Family Guy 11.50 Kids With Machetes: Stacey Dooley Investigates 12.50am Lunch Monkeys
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 8.00 Electric Dreams 9.00 Micro Men 10.20 Arena: TS Eliot 11.50 Micro Men 1.10am David Lean In Close-Up With Jonathan Ross 2.40 David Lean And His Dedicated Maniacs 3.10 A Poet’s Guide To Britain
5.15pm Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Paris Hilton’s American Best Friend Forever 9.00 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter 10.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 10.30 Entourage 11.05 Coronation Street 11.35 FILM: Nick Of Time (1995) 1.25am Emmerdale
12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Live The Dream... As Seen On Screen 9.00 Moll Flanders 10.00 Trial And Retribution 12.20am Profiling Ruth Rendell
2.40pm Veronica Mars 3.35 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 School Of Comedy 10.30 The Inbetweeners 11.05 Important Things With Demetri Martin 11.35 Peep Show 12.05am Reno 911
5.05pm The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Jamie’s American Road Trip 10.00 A Boy Called Alex: The Concert 11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.05am Jamie’s American Road Trip
11.00am The Last Mitterand (2005) 1.15pm The Enforcer (1951) 3.00 D-Day The Sixth Of June (1956) 5.05 Niagara (1952) 6.50 Akeelah And The Bee (2006) 9.00 Equilibrium (2002) 11.00 Night Watch (2004) 1.15am Disco Pigs (2001)
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friday 9 Peep Show Channel 4, 10pm In this much-loved dysfunctional duo sitcom, there’s a lot going on in Mark’s world. First off, he discovers Jeremy’s girlfriend has a guilty secret. Bet that’ll torment him. Secondly, Johnson offers him the chance to go into business with him. Would you trust any friend of Mark and Jez’s with your money? Us neither.
Film: Fahrenheit 451 ITV1, 1.05am In a future where books are banned and burned on discovery, a true fireman meets a bookhoarding schoolteacher and starts to question what exactly the ‘dangerous’ ideas he is destroying are. Made in 1966, directed by François Truffant and nominated for two BAFTAs, this is a key part of any film canon.
Tough Guy Or Chicken? BBC3, 9pm The BBC’s game of ‘daring a group of young British men into doing well-hard tasks around the world’ is coming to an end. It’s the last task and the guys are in Japan with six days to become Buddhist Yamabushi monks and take part in the tough pilgrimage to the summit of a sacred mountain. Double dare.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 10.30 Iraq 2003-2009 12.00pm Cash In The Attic 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Keep Your Enemies Close 4.35 Hotel Trubble 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 Tommy Zoom 8.40 Big Barn Farm 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Just So Darwin 11.15 KS1 Science Clips 11.25 Something Special 11.40 China Stories 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open House 1.30 Snooker: Grand Prix 5.15 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia breaks into rehearsals and the Friday Panel looks forward to the weekend. 7.00 Snooker: Grand Prix Quarterfinal action continues at the Grand Prix in Glasgow. Every time any commentator sucks their breath in through their teeth, get yourself a bonus cup of tea. 8.00 Mastermind Topics are the life and work of Paul Nash, films of Tim Burton, Ancient Greece 490-323BC and the life and work of Paul Dirac. 8.30 Gardeners’ World As the colours of autumn start to enrich the garden, Toby Buckland plants a hazel nut tree in the vegetable garden. 9.00 Autumnwatch UK wildlife series. Chris and Kate are on the Dorset coast to say goodbye to the summer’s migrants and hello to this season’s arrivals; it is bound to be a rich treat for any bird lover. 10.00 Autumnwatch Unsprung Hosted by Martin Hughes-Games, more lively discussion and debate. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme with Kirsty Wark. 11.35 Later... With Jools Holland Extended repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.40am Snooker: Grand Prix Highlights 1.30 Snooker: Grand Prix Extra
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 My Crazy Media Life 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 KNTV Sex 11.00 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Glamour Puds 1.00 It’s Me Or The Dog 1.35 FILM: Monkey Business (1952) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Breaking Into Tesco 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Britain’s Bravest 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.00 FILM: It Had To Be You (2000) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Terry is frustrated that Pollard is not pulling his weight at the bed and breakfast. He’s more of a supervising type of layabout. 7.30 Coronation Street Peter shocks Leanne by announcing the biggest challenge of their lives. 8.00 Winning The Lottery – Dream Or Nightmare?: Tonight As the National Lottery celebrates its 15th anniversary, Fiona Foster meets some of the winners whose lives have been transformed by their windfall – for good and for bad. 8.30 Coronation Street Tony is shocked when he realises the date of Liam’s christening. Does it clash with his ‘X-Factor’ try-out? 9.00 Benidorm Holiday sitcom. On a trip to the waterfalls of Callosa, Mick upsets Janice and it looks like their relationship might not survive this time. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Mystic River (2003) Starring Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin Bacon, Laurence Fishburne, Marcia Gay Harden and Laura Linney. Academy Award-winning drama. Three childhood friends are brought together after the murder of one of their daughters. 1.05am FILM: Fahrenheit 451 (1966) See highlights. 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Newt decides that the only way he will ever be rid of Eli and the voices in his head is to end his own life. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Reporter Ramita Navai and director Alex Nott travel deep into the Peruvian jungle to investigate allegations of pollution and human rights abuses. 8.00 Jamie At Home Cookery series. Jamie’s beetroots and carrots provide the basis for his various recipes, including an Indian carrot salad and a juicy pork chop. Yumbo! 8.30 The Big Food Fight Food quiz hosted by Sue Perkins. Repeat of Teusday’s show. 9.00 Rude Tube Alex Zane showcases the weirdest and funniest videos on the internet. 10.00 Peep Show See highlights. 10.35 The IT Crowd Sitcom set in an IT department. Jen has found love, and is giving a dinner party with her new boyfriend and six of their single friends. But when the three male invitees drop out, Jen is forced to call upon Moss, Roy and Richmond. 11.05 True Blood Repeat. 12.20am 4 Music: Editors Live At Fabric 12.50 4Play: Mpho 1.05 Friends (x2) 2.00 FILM: Ripley’s Game (2002) 3.55 Freesports On 4 4.20 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 5.15 Countdown
6.00 Home And Away Kirsty tells Miles about her pregnancy. A gulf develops between Tony and Rachel. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Police Interceptors: Special Edition Special edition of the documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex. Boy racers beware! 8.00 Brighton Beach Patrol Documentary series. A gang of tombstoners causes havoc, tempers flare between two groups of girls and there is a visit to kitsch royaltythemed cafe The Tea Cosy. See if you reconginse anyone this week. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. An informant is shot dead just as he is about to pass on crucial information concerning an arms dealer and Shepard begins a relentless pursuit of his killer. 10.00 FlashForward Sci-fi drama. Repeat of Monday’s show. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. When a woman with a high-risk pregnancy is kidnapped as she approaches her delivery date, Benson and Stabler are faced with more than one suspect willing to take the fall for the crime. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Trans World Sport 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 Live European Tour Golf: Madrid Masters 1.30pm Barclays Premier League Preview 2.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 2.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Madrid Masters 6.00 LIVE Darts: World Grand Prix 12.00am Super League 12.30 Football League Weekend 1.30 Cricket: PCA Awards 2009 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League Weekend 5.00 Super League 5.30 Cricket: PCA Awards 2009
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders Stacey falls apart and no-one can pick up the pieces. The Humpty Dumpty of Walford. 8.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the perennial sports quiz. Team captains Phil Tufnell and Matt Dawson are joined by some rather fit-type sportsfolk. 9.00 Criminal Justice The series reaches a compelling climax as the courts decide the future of Juliet and her children. Dum, dum, DAAAH! 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross is joined by controversial broadcasting genius Chris Evans and Emmy awardwinning Hollywood star Jeremy Piven. There is also a performance from indie giants Kasabian. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Carole Machin presents the EuroMillions results. 11.40 FILM: Gridlock’d (1997) Starring Tim Roth, Tupac Shakur, Thandie Newton. Streetwise comedy drama about two Detroit drug addicts who encounter unexpected obstacles when they decide to go straight. 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: Emma 2.10 Home Time 2.40 MasterChef The Professionals 3.25 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 Powerboating 10.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 3.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Powerboating 4.30 NFL - Total Access 5.30 Live European Rugby: Challenge Cup 8.00 LIVE European Rugby 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 European Rugby: Challenge Cup 3.30 European Rugby 5.30 Barclays Premier League World
Sky Sports 3 7.30am ATP Tour Uncovered 8.00 European Rugby: Challenge Cup 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Powerboating 1.00 Race World 2.00 Euro Tour Golf 4.00 WWE: Raw 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Super League Grand Final Preview 7.30 Cricket: PCA Awards 2009 8.00 LIVE Horse Of The Year Show 11.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Horse Of The Year Show 5.00 Kiteboarding 5.30 Ocean Adventures
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3.00pm Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama 8.00 Grease: The School Musical 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 FILM: Days Of Thunder (1990) 12.05am Road Wars (x2) 1.30 Bones
7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Merlin 8.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 9.00 Tough Guy Or Chicken?. See highlights 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Don’t Tell The Bride 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Lunch Monkeys 12.45 How Not To Live Your Life 1.15 Harper’s Island (x2) 2.40 Lunch Monkeys 3.10 How Not To Live Your Life
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Leeds International Piano Competition 2009 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions 9.00 Duets: The Andy Williams Show 10.00 Kings Of Cool: The Crooners 10.40 Solo: The Andy Williams Show 11.10 It’s Only A Theory 11.40 Spiral II 12.40am Duets: The Andy Williams Show
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Lily Allen: The Hot Desk 5.30 Judge Judy (x2) 6.30 The X Factor (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 11.40 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter 12.40am Coronation Street (x2) 1.40 The Xtra Factor (x2) 3.30 Emmerdale
12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: The Graduate (1967) 12.15am Flashpoint 1.05 Wycliffe
1.40pm Friends 2.10 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Wife Swap 11.00 FILM: The Ringer (2005) 12.45am Scrubs (x2) 1.40 How I Met Your Mother
4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Reindeer Games (2000) 11.00 My Boyfriend, The Sex Tourist 12.05am FILM: Reindeer Games (2000) 2.10 My Boyfriend, The Sex Tourist
11.00am The Strange Affair Of Uncle Harry (1945) 12.35pm Leave Her To Heaven (1946) 2.45 The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 4.40 The African Queen (1951) 6.45 A Room With A View (1986) 9.00 Monsterin-Law (2005) 10.55 Boys Don’t Cry (1999) 1.10am Raising Arizona (1987)
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saturday 10 Merlin BBC1, 6.15pm It’s always handy to have a prince on your side. Especially if you get kidnapped in a case of mistaken identity when someone thinks you’re Morgana. Eh Gwen? It’s good having Arthur defy his father to come rescue you from the nasty outlaw Hengist, right? Oh, you’ve found Lancelot there too, have you? Hmm. Decisions.
Harry Hill’s TV Burp ITV1, 7.30pm He’s back! Obviously it’s all telly topical, so we’ve no idea as to what he’ll be covering, but you can bet there’ll be some soapbashing and reality show hitting going on. Plus, the ever-popular FIGHT! Who will it be? Vampires versus soldiers? Big Mo versus Pat? Eggy bread versus scrambled? Watch and see.
When Boris Met Dave More4, 10pm Wow – both Boris Johnson and David Cameron went and studied at Oxford in the 1980s. No neon socks for them, we presume – all preparing to be big old mega influential Tories of the future. Featuring dramatised scenes and interviews with alumni and commentators, this reveals what set them for 21st century politics.
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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 The Hairy Bakers 12.00pm BBC News 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Snooker: Grand Prix 4.20 Bruce Goes Dancing 5.20 BBC News 5.35 South East Today 5.45 Hole In The Wall
6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Bits And Bobs 7.00 Dennis & Gnasher 7.15 Dennis & Gnasher 7.25 Sportsround 7.40 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.00 Gimme A Break 8.30 TMi 10.00 My Almost Famous Family 10.30 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Animals At Work 12.00pm The Cut 12.25 Off The Hook 12.55 The 5.19 Show 1.10 Chartjackers 1.15 The Well 1.25 Kyle XY 2.10 The Sky At Night 2.30 FILM: Pal Joey (1957) 4.20 Snooker: Grand Prix 5.50 Emma 6.50 Autumnwatch UK wildlife series. Chris and Kate are on the Dorset coast to say goodbye to the summer’s migrants and hello to this season’s arrivals; it’s bound to be a rich treat for any bird lover. Simon King gives an update on autumn’s most dramatic spectacle, reporting live from the Scottish island of Rum on the red deer rut. Martin HughesGames reveals how you can get more involved with wildlife, while Gordon Buchanan is on your stories. 7.50 Autumnwatch Unsprung Hosted by Martin Hughes-Games, Autumnwatch Unsprung promises more lively discussion and debate. Kate Humble, Chris Packham and Simon King answer audience questions, offer in-depth analysis on what the season’s wildlife is up to, and reveal more of what goes on behind the scenes. 8.20 Gandhi In the second part of the series, Mishal Husain traces Gandhi’s transformation from obscure lawyer to father of the nation 9.20 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the classic news quiz with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop. 10.00 Snooker: Grand Prix Snooker: Grand Prix. Hitting things with sticks out of car windows whilst going really fast in circles. Could be. 12.00am Dragons’ Den: On Tour 1.00 Snooker: Grand Prix Extra
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Scratch ‘n’ Sniff’s Den Of Doom 10.10 Art Attack 10.35 FILM: Getting There (2002) 12.15pm ITV News And Weather 12.20 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Murder With Mirrors (1985) 2.10 The X Factor 3.10 FILM: Jurassic Park (1993) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather
6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 FIA GT Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Justin Timberlake 10.30 P. Diddy’s Starmaker 11.30 F1 Rocks Singapore Live 12.35pm Scrubs 1.00 Red Bull Rivals 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 Channel 4 News 6.30 Kevin McCloud’s Grand Tour Of Europe Kevin McCloud embarks on a journey around Europe, recreating journeys taken by an assortment of historical luminaries. He begins by retracing the footsteps of 17th century architect Inigo Jones, taking in Paris, Genoa, Parma, Vicenza and finally Venice. 7.30 FILM: Oliver Twist (2005) Starring Barney Clark, Jamie Foreman, Ben Kingsley, Harry Eden, Frances Cuka and Alun Armstrong. Adaptation of the classic Charles Dickens tale concerning an orphan who flees the workhouse, only to fall in with thieves in the backstreets of Victorian London. Very hungry for some reason. 10.00 FILM: Blade II (2002) Starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Ron Perlman, Luke Goss, Leonor Varela and Norman Reedus. Supernatural vampire action sequel in which Blade reluctantly joins forces with a commando team – the Blood Pack – in order to thwart a killing spree by a race of rogue bloodsuckers known as Reapers. Talk about rebelling against a former teen hearthrob status – Luke Goss! 12.10am 4 Music: Live From Abbey Road 1.10 FILM: Gunga Jumna (1961) 4.05 Supporting Acts 4.20 Reaper 5.05 In Your Dreams 5.15 Countdown
6.00 – 8.20am Children’s television 8.20 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.05 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 Mr. Men Minis 9.35 Chiro 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Zoo Days 10.10 NFLUK 11.10 The Gadget Show 12.10pm Megastructures: Built From Disaster 1.10 FILM: Rooster Cogburn (1975) 3.15 FILM: Agatha Christie’s The Alphabet Murders (1965) 5.00 Five News 5.10 FILM: Operation Crossbow (1965) 7.10 NCIS Drama series about the US Navy’s dedicated federal agency. When a sniper kills two marine recruiters, the agents must find the culprit before he strikes again. 8.05 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Danny and Lindsay explore the worlds of goth and glam when a young girl who belongs to the underground ‘Suicide Girls’ cult is found dead after a ‘blood-bath’ concert. Hmm. 9.00 CSI: NY New York-based drama. A young hotel employee falls to her death from a hotel rooftop after she becomes embroiled in a deal with a scheming top model. Meanwhile, Stella investigates a self-defence case where a woman shot her husband’s business associate – and possible murderer – in her flat. Déjà vu going crazy here Stells. 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. The CSIs probe three apparently unrelated murders, only to discover they are all connected to a con man with multiple identities. Show off. 11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. The murder of a high-flying lawyer leads police to her secret lover. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 Rough Guide To Eco Escapes 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Cricket: PCA Awards 2009 7.00 Super League Grand Final Preview 7.30 Football League Weekend 8.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Super League Grand Final Preview 12.30 LIVE International U-21s Football 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 LIVE Super League Grand Final 8.30 Golf Night 10.00 LIVE: International Football: FIFA World Cup Qualifiers 12.30am International Football 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Super League Grand Final 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Barclays Premier League World
6.15 Merlin See highlights. 7.00 Strictly Come Dancing The remaining 13 celebrities return to the dancefloor hoping to dazzle the judges and viewers with their sensational dance moves, stepping up to perform a salsa or foxtrot. One unlucky couple will perform their last dance, finding out later that they must leave the competition for good. Then it’s down to cake-city! Yum! 9.15 The National Lottery Draws Jenni Falconer is live from Lottery HQ with the weekend draws. Surely it’s your turn to win something this week! If you do, chuck us a box of choccies will you? 9.25 Casualty Jordan’s condition continues to improve, and Frances feels he’ll be able to return to work in an administrative capacity. Meanwhile, Alistair yet again fakes symptoms to call out the paramedic team in the hope of seeing Polly. 10.15 BBC News 10.35 The Best Of Would I Lie To You? (And Unseen Bits) A special compilation episode of the comedy panel show about truth and lies, featuring classic and unseen bits taken from the third series. 11.05 The Football League Show Leagues One and Two step up as the Championship teams take a break. 12.05am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 1.05 Weatherview 1.10 BBC News
6.00 People Do The Funniest Things Abroad Do they really?! Stephen Mulhern introduces more strange tales and home video clips from around the world. 7.00 New You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill returns with a new series featuring the best of your camcorder and mobile phone calamities. 7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp See highlights. 8.00 The X Factor The X Factor weekend starts tonight with the first of two live shows as the final 12 sing live for your votes – and the judges each mentor one category of singers. Simon Cowell has the over 25s, Cheryl Cole has the boys, Dannii Minogue has the girls and Louis Walsh has the groups. 10.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories Piers Morgan returns for a second series of his acclaimed biographical talk show. 11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 FILM: Murder By Numbers (2001) Starring Sandra Bullock, Ryan Gosling, Michael Pitt, Agnes Bruckner, Ben Chaplin and Chris Penn. A troubled female cop must unravel the perfect murder as she matches wits with two homicidal schoolboys, who believe they can’t be caught after committing a motiveless crime. 1.30am FILM: Point Of Origin (2001) 3.05 Crossing Jordan 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Kiteboarding 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Rugby Union 9.30 LIVE Currie Cup Rugby Union 11.30 Cricket: PCA Awards 2009 12.00pm America’s Game 1.00 LIVE European Rugby (x2) 5.45 Sky Sports Classics 6.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 LIVE: International Football 10.00 LIVE: Motor Racing: Indy Car Series 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 Horse Of The Year Show 3.00 Kiteboarding 3.30 Race World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 Gillette World Sport
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 WWE Smackdown 10.00 LIVE Netball 1.00pm Max Power 2.00 Cricket: PCA Awards 2009 2.30 LIVE Netball 5.30 Gillette World Sport 6.00 WWE The Bottom Line 7.00 LIVE: Darts: World Grand Prix 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 Golf Night 4.30 Sports Unlimited 5.30 Kiteboarding
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12.00pm Futurama (x4) 2.00 The Real A & E 3.00 WWE: Smackdown 5.00 Grease: The School Musical 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Road Wars 12.00am Stargate Universe (x2) 1.50 Antony Gormley’s One And Other Highlights
7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 9.00 The Autistic Me 10.00 Jack Dee Live At The Apollo 10.50 Family Guy (x2) 11.35 FILM: High School Musical (2006) 1.10am Harper’s Island (x2) 2.35 How Not To Live Your Life 3.05 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 4.00 Don’t Tell The Bride
7.00pm The PreRaphaelites: Victorian Revolutionaries 7.30 The Life And Death Of A Mobile Phone 8.00 Upgrade Me 9.00 Electric Dreams 10.00 Micro Men 11.20 Solo: The Andy Williams Show 11.50 Kings Of Cool: The Crooners 12.35am Duets: The Andy Williams Show
3.10pm The Xtra Factor 4.10 Paris Hilton’s American Best Friend Forever 5.15 Planet’s Funniest Animals 5.45 The Hot Desk 6.00 FILM: Arthur (1981) 8.00 Love In A Foreign Climate 9.00 New Homes From Hell 2009 10.00 The Xtra Factor 11.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 12.00am Harry Hill’s TV Burp
1.25pm Kavanagh QC 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.15 FILM: Murder, She Wrote: A Story To Die For (2000) 6.00 Inspector Morse 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.10 FILM: Stepmom (1998) 1.30am Brideshead Revisited 2.25 On The Buses 2.50 Film File 3.00 Teleshopping
10.20am Privileged 11.20 The Hills (x5) 2.20 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 100 Greatest Stand-Ups 1.10am Supernanny US 2.05 How To Look Good Naked USA 2.25 Gok’s Fashion Fix 3.25 Hollyoaks
12.35pm Time Team 1.40 FILM: The Lost World (1960) 3.35 Relocation, Relocation (x5) 9.00 Time Team Special: The King Of Bling 10.00 When Boris Met Dave. See highlights. 11.40 Will Ferrell: You’re Welcome America 1.40am When Boris Met Dave 3.15 Time Team Special: The King Of Bling 4.15 Close
11.00am The Ghost And Mrs Muir (1947) 1.00pm Barefoot In The Park (1967) 3.05 Death Drums Along The River (1963) 4.45 Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 7.15 Bedazzled (2000) 9.00 The Departed (2006) 11.50 Frailty (2000) 1.50am The Virgin Spring (1959)
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sunday 11 The X Factor Results ITV1, 8pm Wa-hey! We’ve got the power! And if your favourite leaves tonight you’ve only got yourself and all of your friends to blame if you didn’t vote for them. Your fault entirely. Yup, it’s the brand new Sunday results show when the final 12 start to quiver in their knock-off designer boots as one gets the chop. Don’t cry. Please.
Emma BBC1, 9pm Jane Austen’s heroines are surprisingly feisty young ladies, and none more so than Emma. BAFTA award-winning writer Sandy Welch gives the sassy lady the works in this four-parter. Emma continues to try to marry off Harriet and Mr Elton, but he has his own ideas as to who he wants to wile away his days with.
Trinity ITV2, 10pm Britain’s answer to the XOXO of Gossip Girl continues with its beautfiul cast and the gravitaslending talents of Charles Dance who, as the Dean, is growing suspicious. Really, he should be watching his own back rather than chasing the posteriers of others, as Lord Gaudain has concerns. Don’t want that.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 2.00 EastEnders 3.55 Bruce Goes Dancing 4.55 Points Of View 5.10 Songs Of Praise 5.45 BBC News
6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Bits And Bobs 7.00 Uncle Max 7.15 OOglies 7.30 Prank Patrol 8.00 Da Dick And Dom Dairies 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Undercover Dads 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Animal Park 12.30pm Escape To The Country 1.00 Rugby League: Super League Playoffs - Grand Final 2.00 Snooker: Grand Prix - Final 5.40 Meerkat Manor
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Paz 9.35 Captain Mack 9.50 Emu 10.05 My Parents Are Aliens 10.35 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.50pm Animals Do The Funniest Things 1.50 ITV News And Weather 2.00 Columbo Goes To The Guillotine 3.55 FILM: Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 8.00 Freesports On 4 8.30 The McCain Track And Field Show 9.00 Friends 9.30 Hollyoaks 12.00pm 90210 12.55 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Madonna 2.00 Friends 2.30 Sugababes: Video Exclusive 2.40 JLS Love Jacko: Top 10 3.40 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Scrapheap Challenge
6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Rupert Bear 8.45 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.10 Little Princess 9.25 Little Lodgers 9.30 The Mr. Men Show 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Snobs 10.30 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.00 Hannah Montana 11.35 The Tribe 12.05pm Everybody Hates Chris 12.35 Farmer Wants A Wife 1.35 Zoo Days 1.40 FILM: Al Jennings Of Oklahoma (1951) 3.10 FILM: Calamity Jane (1953) 5.10 FILM: Lilo And Stitch: The Movie (2002)
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 7.30 International Football 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 12.30pm LIVE European Rugby (x2) 5.00 LIVE Football League 7.30 LIVE: Darts: World Grand Prix 9.30 LIVE: International Football: FIFA World Cup Qualifiers 12.00am Darts: World Grand Prix 2.00 Football League: Notts County V Torquay United 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Wild Spirits
6.00 South East Today 6.10 Land Girls Period drama series about four girls who join the Women’s Land Army. 7.00 Countryfile Countryfile looks at the bits of the country that aren’t in the city. The green bits mostly. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return to Hertford College, Oxford. Objects under the cameras include a bracelet once worn by a princess with a tragic story; expensive ceramics bought for a song at a boot sale; and a rare document recording the end of hostilities in the First World War. 9.00 Emma See highlights. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow Michael McIntyre takes to the Manchester Apollo, where he is joined by north-west favourite Jason Manford, plus John Bishop, Sarah Millican and Mick Ferry. 11.05 FILM: Last Orders (2000) Starring Michael Caine, Tom Courtenay, David Hemmings, Bob Hoskins, Helen Mirren, Ray Winstone. Touching drama. A group of lifelong friends gather together after the death of one of their number, a London butcher. 12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: Last Chance To See 1.55 Criminal Justice 2.55 Holby City 3.55 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.40 BBC News
6.05 Meerkat Manor Documentary series looking at a family of meerkats living on the edge of the Kalahari Desert. Splintered by bitter rivalry, the meerkat families are locked in a struggle for survival. Territory. 6.30 Porridge Classic sitcom set in Slade Prison. 7.00 Top Gear Motoring magazine show. Jeremy goes mad in two fast estates, Richard invents motorhome racing and James pits an Alfa Romeo against a man who crosses the Humber Estuary without using a bridge. The Stig attacks the test track in Honda’s new Civic Type R. 8.00 Snooker: Grand Prix – Final Fabuloso snooker. Invent your own colourful puns. 11.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic, award-winning pop quiz. Regular team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus are joined by guest host Rhod Gilbert and panellists Greg Davies, Martin Kemp, Gabby Logan and Jeremy Reynolds. 11.30 FILM: Spider (2002) Starring Ralph Fiennes, Miranda Richardson, Gabriel Byrne, Bradley Hall, Lynn Redgrave. Atmospheric thriller. Released from a mental institution, a disturbed man revisits his childhood and recalls unsettling events involving his father, mother and the woman who replaced her. 1.05am BBC News 4.40 The Super League Show
6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV New; Weather 6.45 Harry Hill’s TV Burp The multiaward-winning Harry Hill returns with a new series of top-notch telly sendups, aiming his comedy sights at top reality shows, all the big soaps, and all the usual culprits. 7.15 All Star Family Fortunes In the battle of the soaps two of the hottest stars of Coronation Street and EastEnders play to win up to £30,000 for the charity of their choice. Tonight sees Corrie barmaid Katherine Kelly’s family take on EastEnders star Patsy Palmer and her real life family. 8.00 The X Factor Results See highlights. 9.00 Doc Martin Gentle pastoral comedy drama. Martin expresses some negative views when Louisa reveals she will be interviewing for the headteacher’s job. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 Disney Pixar: The South Bank Show A celebration of the creative talents which these two studios have brought to film-making, from the short films of the 1920s and 30s through to the CGI blockbusters. 11.15 Crossing Jordan Crime drama series about a medical examiner. 12.10am The Other Side 1.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.30 Kojak 2.25 Countrywise 2.50 Winning The Lottery – Dream Or Nightmare?: Tonight 3.15 Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 The Genius Of Charles Darwin In this final episode, Richard Dawkins meets creationists, scientists, and the Archbishop of Canterbury, to look at the controversy surrounding Darwin’s evidence. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Four cooks from Liverpool – a vegetarian, a party girl, a tough mum-of-seven and a music snob – battle for £1,000. 9.00 Kevin McCloud’s Grand Tour Of Europe Kevin finishes his tour by taking in the classical architecture of Greece, following in the footsteps of artists and architects James Stuart and Nicholas Revett. 10.00 FILM: House Of Flying Daggers (2004) Starring Zhang Ziyi, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Andy Lau Tak Wah and Song Dandan. Chinese action movie. Set in the ninth century, during the reign of the Tang Dynasty, two Imperial captains hope a blind girl will lead them to a rebel army opposing the government. 12.15am 4 Music: Florence And The Machine: Video Exclusive 12.20 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Britney 1.25 My Name Is Earl (x2) 2.10 School Disco 2.20 Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip 3.05 Bright Young Wonders 3.10 Unreported World 3.35 3 Minute Wonder 3.40 Invasion 4.20 Reaper 5.05 In Your Dreams 5.20 Countdown
6.45 Five News 6.50 FILM: Ghostbusters II (1989) Starring Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis and Ernie Hudson. Fantasy comedy sequel. The phantom-fighters return to the streets of New York. Four years after Dr Peter Venkman broke up with Dana Barrett, she appeals for help to save her son when an arch-demon trapped in an oil painting wants to take over his body. The old team reunites and traces the source of the trouble to a sinister underground river of slime. Bet Supernanny couldn’t do that! 9.00 FILM: Ghost Rider (2007) Starring Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Wes Bentley, Matt Long, Sam Elliot and Peter Fonda. Comic-book adventure about a stunt motorcyclist tricked into making a pact with Mephistopheles. A proper ‘Evil’ Knevil. Geddit?! 11.10 FlashForward Sci-fi drama about a mysterious event that causes the population of the entire world to black out simultaneously. Mark and Demetri track a suspect who may be connected to the global blackout, and Olivia meets the man from her vision. Didn’t he used to fight pirates? 12.05am The Mafia 1.05 NFL Live 4.40 NFL Classics 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Super League Grand Final 8.30 LIVE Athletics 12.00pm Gillette World Sport 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 LIVE Euro Tour Golf 5.00 Kiteboarding 5.30 Gillette World Sport 6.00 To Be Announced 8.00 LIVE: Horse Of The Year Show 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 Horse Of The Year Show 4.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Max Power 7.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 11.00 Horse Of The Year Show 1.00pm LIVE Netball 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE: NFL 12.30am Netball 4.30 Close
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12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 Oops TV (x2) 2.00 Project Runway 3.00 Bones 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Grease: The School Musical 7.30 The Simpsons (x2) 8.30 Futurama 9.00 House 10.00 Fringe 11.10 Bones 12.10am Road Wars
7.00pm FILM: What Women Want (2000) 9.00 Harper’s Island Unsolved 9.30 Harper’s Island 10.10 Family Guy (x2) 10.55 How Not To Live Your Life 11.25 Lunch Monkeys 11.55 Harper’s Island Unsolved 12.25am Harper’s Island 1.05 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 2.05 How Not To Live Your Life
7.00pm Hubble Telescope 8.00 Designing The Decades 9.00 Electric Dreams 10.00 Spiral II 10.55 It’s Only A Theory 11.25 Charlie Brooker’s Gameswipe 12.15am A Taste Of Iran 1.45 Electric Dreams 2.45 It’s Only A Theory 3.15 Charlie Brooker’s Gameswipe 5.30 Close
4.00pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 4.30 All Star Family Fortunes 5.15 New You’ve Been Framed! 5.45 FILM: Arthur 2: On The Rocks (1988) 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 The Xtra Factor Results 10.00 Trinity. See highlights. 11.00 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter 12.00am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show
12.15pm FILM: Murder, She Wrote: A Story To Die For (2000) 2.05 Inspector Morse 4.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 6.15 The Forsyte Saga 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 FILM: Stepmom (1998) 11.30 Profiling Ruth Rendell 12.30am PD James: Taste For Death 1.30 On The Buses (x2) 2.25 The Charmer
12.10pm Dark Angel (x2) 2.05 Reaper (x2) 3.55 Beauty And The Geek 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Ugly Betty 7.00 Privileged 8.00 One Tree Hill 8.55 Friends (x2) 10.00 FILM: White Men Can’t Jump (1992) 12.15am Ricky Gervais: Fame 1.20 Supernanny US 2.05 The Class 2.30 Gok’s Fashion Fix 3.25 Hollyoaks
12.45pm Scrapheap Challenge 1.50 How Clean Is Your House? (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 Jamie At Home 8.00 River Cottage Autumn 9.00 The Family 10.00 The Building Inspector Is Coming 11.10 The IT Crowd (x2) 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.45 Deal Or No Deal 1.30 The Family
11.00am A Letter To Three Wives (1949) 1.00pm Silver Streak (1976) 3.10 Where Angels Go... Trouble Follows (1968) 5.00 Knights Of The South Bronx (2005) 6.45 The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 9.00 Sliding Doors (1998) 10.55 My Cousin Vinny (1992) 1.15am The Dreamers (2002)
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monday 12 FlashForward Five, 9pm Who’d’ve thought everyone would miss a couple of minutes of their lives so much? Apparently, an imprisoned Nazi would. Mark and Janis go to Germany to have a little chat with him, meanwhile an anonymous tip leads Demitri to believe his deepest fears about his future. I’d check my sources first, lad.
The Graham Norton Show BBC1, 10.35pm From being the toast of the risqué set on Channel 4, our Graham is now opening the week on the BBC’s flagship channel and making disparaging comments about lesbians. Here’s hoping the ruckus from that has knocked him back on form. Guests are David Mitchell and Robert Webb, plus Paolo Nutini.
Being Erica E4, 10pm A cross between Back To the Future and Bridget Jones’ Diary: A thirty-something lady – fed up with her present and blaming it on her past – lists all of her regrets for a bizarre therapist, who then sends her back in time to tackle them one by one. Tonight it’s the turn of university. Who wore that?!
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Helicopter Heroes 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.50 OOglies 4.05 School Of Silence 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Let’s Write Poetry: The Big Slam 11.20 KS1 Science Clips 11.30 Primary History 11.40 Seasonal Snapshots 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Animal Park 2.30 Open House 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! Ten Of The Best 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Judge Craig Revel Horwood analyses the weekend’s events while Claudia chats to the latest knocked-out couple. 7.00 Coal House At War Coal House is back and this time it is war. Deep in the Welsh valleys, three families give up their 21st century creature comforts and time-travel back to 1944 to face the hardships of life in World War II. Why? 7.30 Saving Britain’s Past Series charting the development of the conservation movement in Britain since World War II. 8.00 University Challenge The students representing Emmanuel College Cambridge do battle against Regent’s Park College Oxford in another first-round match. 8.30 Masterchef The Professionals It’s the semi finals, and each pair of winners from the quarter finals will go head to head for a place in the final four. 9.15 Design For Life The four remaining students set out to meet Starck’s model maker. 10.15 Dragons’ Den Online ...But on the telly too. Not just online. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 RTS Huw Weldon Lecture RTS Huw Weldon Lecture. 12.10am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips 5.00 The First Black Britons
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish
6.05am The Treacle People 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Battlefront 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 KNTV - Philosophy 11.00 Lifeproof TV 11.30 The Family: Teen Stories 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Glamour Puds 1.00 Supporting Acts 1.10 FILM: S1m0ne (2001) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 3.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.00 International Football: FIFA World Cup Qualifiers 6.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE: Football League 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30am Football League 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Debbie begs a penniless Charity to stay. 7.30 Coronation Street Has Tyrone found out about Kevin and Molly? Are we tired of it yet? 8.00 Why Did My Son Die?: Tonight Following months of criticism of the government’s equipment commitment to the military in Afghanistan, the mother of the 200th soldier to die in the campaign investigates whether enough is being done to protect our troops on the battlefield. 8.30 Coronation Street Will a broken-hearted Liz end it with Lloyd? 9.00 Blue Murder Second of a twopart story. Janine desperately tries to sort things out with her son Tom whilst heading up this tough murder enquiry. With Shap’s protection of a murder suspect now exposed, the team face a race against time to find the real killer. 10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Amityville Horror (2005) Starring Ryan Reynolds, Melissa George, Philip Hall. Horror remake about a family who move to a big house in the New York suburbs which they bought at a bargain price. 12.15am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.10 Loose Women 1.55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Darren visits Newt in hospital. Nancy is adamant that she is through with Hannah. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Enemy Within Director Joseph Bullman explores the radical movement of late-19th century Britain, looking at the parallels that can be drawn with the current war on terror. 9.00 The Human Spider Returns: Daredevils French climber Alain Robert, known as the ‘Human Spider’, attempts to scale Malaysia’s 88storey Petronas Twin Towers. Featuring footage of Alain’s incredible feats and interviews with his family. Makes you want to climb stuff. 10.00 Ugly Betty Drama series about an ordinary-looking secretary working for a fashion magazine. Fashion Week causes problems for the staff at Mode. Wilhelmina loses her way. There’s a new employee at Mode. Bet they’re dishy. 11.00 Wife Swap USA American version of the hit Wife Swap series. The Lawrences, a family of evangelical Christians, trade mothers with the Caddels, whose matriach is a pole dancing ex-Mormon. 12.00am No Angels 1.00 FILM: Sholay (1975) 4.00 Alice Through The Looking Glass 5.25 We Are From... (x2) 5.55 Making It
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Breaking Into Tesco 12.40pm Five News 12.50 How To Be A Property Developer 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.00 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Plague City: SARS In Toronto (2005) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Kirsty and Miles clash over the pregnancy. 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 How Do They Do It? The crew explores the use of fibre optics in telecommunication; the movement of goods into the UK via Southampton; and the production of zips in China. 8.00 The Gadget Show Suzi and Jason compete to come up with the best application for a smartphone, Jon teams up with writer and presenter Danny Wallace to check out the latest car safety features and Ortis tests a mountain of headphones. 9.00 FlashForward See highlights. 10.00 Ross Noble’s Australian Trip Comedian Ross Noble tours Australia on his motorbike, travelling 26,000km to perform 85 gigs all over the country. Ross zigzags across the south-east of the country, from Bathurst to Sydney, over to Adelaide and then down to Melbourne. . 11.00 FILM: Glory (1989) Starring Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Cary Elwes. Compelling true story of the first regiment of black soldiers in the American Civil War. 1.15am SuperCasino 3.00 NASCAR Sprint Cup 3.55 Race And Rally UK 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out 8.00 EastEnders Owen returns to the Square; there’s friction in the Slater household as they come to terms with Stacey’s absence; and Sam bonds with Janine. Eh? 8.30 Panorama: Why Hate Ryanair? Vivian White investigates the ultimate no frills airline’s reputation. Chief executive Michael O’Leary doorsteps the programme makers in his own unique style. 9.00 Losing Our Religion William Crawley explores the role and relevance of religion in modern day Northern Ireland. He meets a diverse range of religious leaders and people with no faith at all. 10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show See highlights. 11.20 FILM: Small Engine Repair (2006) Starring Iain Glen, Steven Mackintosh, Stuart Graham. Comedy drama set in Ireland. Small town friends Bill and Doug each aspire to something better, one as a mechanic, the other as a country singer, but their hopes and reality soon collide. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: Criminal Justice 2.05 Watchdog 3.05 Bang Goes The Theory 3.35 Wildest Dreams Final 4.35 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 International Football 11.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 1.00pm International Football 3.00 Darts: World Grand Prix 5.00 Formula Kart Stars 5.30 Masters Tennis 7.30 LIVE: Speedway 9.30 Masters Tennis 11.30 Trilby Golf Tour 1.30am Elite League Speedway 3.30 Football League: Championship 5.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 Women’s Pool 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing 12.00pm NASCAR 3.00 Golf Night 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Women’s Pool 8.00 Trilby Golf Tour 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close
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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Oops TV (x2) 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 UK Border Force (x2) 11.00 Football Behind Bars 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Road Wars
7.00pm Merlin (x2) 8.30 Clever V Stupid 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Lunch Monkeys 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Clever V Stupid 12.20am How Not To Live Your Life 12.50 Lunch Monkeys 1.20 Gavin And Stacey 1.50 Bizarre ER 2.20 Don’t Tell The Bride
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Martin Simpson At Cambridge Folk Festival 8.00 The Twenties In Colour: The Wonderful World Of Albert Kahn 9.00 The Podfather 10.00 Micro Men 11.20 Roman Polanski - Wanted And Desired: Storyville 12.50am Rich Man, Poor Man: A Knight’s Tale
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.30 New You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Benidorm 11.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 11.30 Coronation Street (x2) 12.30am FILM: Levity (2003)
1.55pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Live The Dream... As Seen On Screen 10.00 Taggart 11.00 The Bill: Fall Out 12.00am Wycliffe 1.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot
1.40pm Friends 2.10 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Being Erica. See highlights. 11.00 Skins 12.00am Scrubs (x2) 12.55 How I Met Your Mother
4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Saving Grace 1.00 Without A Trace 2.00 The Closer
11.00am The Bitter Tea Of General Yen (1933) 12.45pm White Feather (1955) 2.45 Seven Days To Noon (1950) 4.40 Kidnapped (1971) 6.45 Unconditional Love (2002) 9.00 A Good Year (2006) 11.15 Monster’s Ball (2001) 1.30am Funny Games (2007)
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