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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk
TWILIGHT STARS
★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★
We meet the cast of New Moon page 11
17 – 23 November 2009
FREE WEEKLY
CINECITY The film festival and highlights
Made in heaven
CAKES & ALE What’s cooking at The Connaught in Hove
THE PERFECT GIFT For the men in your life
CINECITY
THE BRIGHTON FESTIVAL '09
TAKING BOOKINGS NOW
OPENS 19th NOVEMBER 19 November – 6 December www.cine-city.co.uk
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Brilliant gifts at Made 09 design and craft fair page 13 Have you seen our top ten homes for sale and for rent? Find them now at TOP
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000_LS450_Cine-city
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003_LS450_contents
11/13/09
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welcome
L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 Social Diary Brighton Photo Biennial and Beyond Retro 5 City Speak Heather Mills on GM; plus Will and Columnist Idol 6 News PM’s condolences gaff; American Express development 6 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters 7 Bookings Dara O Briain, NME Awards Tour, Will Self, Fujiya And Miyagi 7 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week? 7 Competitions Win a free night out for 15 at karaoke bar Lucky Voice 8 Snap Shots Cheeky Guide To Brighton author David Bramwell 9 Celebcity Julian Clary and Todd Carty prepare for panto season 10 Bare Cheek A desperate bid to attract younger readers... 10 Astral Angi Pick up your personalised message from the stars
07 11
11 L7 INTERVIEW The cast of New Moon, the latest film in phenomenally successful teen fantasy The Twilight Saga, talk fame, immortality, screen kisses and evil meat patty diets.
12 LIFESTYLE 12 Cinecity The Brighton Film Festival returns for a seventh year 13 Cover feature Christmas shopping at craft and design fair Made09 15 Gift guide Present ideas for men 17 Health & Beauty Special spa and pampering goodies giveaway 18 Hotlist 21 great restaurants and coffee shops 19 Food & Drink Steak and chips the French way at Mange Tout; good beer and great food at Worthing’s The Connaught
L7 Don’t miss...
More action-packed than Buffy and more lust-fuelled than Harry Potter (yes! it’s possible!), The Twilight Saga has become the teen phenomenon of the decade. Millions fell for Stephenie Meyer’s fantasy books about the love between a vampire and a human girl, and the latter’s protracted struggle to resist taking his beloved’s virgini... sorry, blood. And the films, starring British actor/ government-registered ‘hunk’ Robert Pattinson, have fared even better. With the latest installment, New Moon, arriving in cinemas this Friday, we packed over-age fan Zara Baker off to the closely guarded London press conference to meet the cast (and wangle Robert’s autograph). In fact, we’ve a bit of a celluloid special this issue (which is handy, because the weather’s utterly cack), with the annual outings of two brilliant local film festivals. With its 18-day programme of previews, premieres, retrospectives and lost masterpieces, Cinecity is the kind of event that makes you wish you really were immortal (like sexy teenage vampires) so you could fit it all in. If you aren’t, our full-page Cinecity feature picks out some highlights. The other film festival is Oska Bright, set to challenge preconceptions (but not attention spans) with 48 short films, all made by people with learning disabilities. This issue is also packed with Christmas shopping ‘solutions’ (as we believe they’re now called) with a Health & Beauty giveaway, the first of our seasonal gift guides, and our cover feature on craft and design fair Made09. Elsewhere, read Heather Mills on mutant mosquitoes; ace local comedian (and guest L7 Sport columnist) Zoe Lyons on sailing in swan poo; Andrew Kay on a fantastic new French eaterie, Mange Tout; and this week’s Columnist Idol contender on being that Brighton staple, a struggling – sorry, cult – musician.
Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor
21 WHAT’S ON 21 Stage Berlin the Brecht way at Upstairs At Three And Ten 22 Music & Clubs The voice of Brighton soul, Alice Russell, on her new LP 24 Art & Events Films by people with learning disabilities at Oska Bright 25 Film What’s screening locally, including Cinecity listings 25 Comedy Improv in a Regency living room with the Hee-Ha’s 26 Gay Your seven-day gay listings guide 27 Reviews Full marks for Michael McIntyre and Blood Brothers 28 Sport Comedian Zoe Lyons goes sailing at Hove Lagoon 29 TV Your seven-day listings guide
Gary Numan Tuesday 17 November Concert Hall, Brighton Dome The recently reinstated king of synth-pop-new waveelectro-noir (just don’t say ‘goth’) performs a special play-through of seminal ‘79 album The Pleasure Principle, including international hit ‘Cars’.
Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Production Manager Neil Ive Production Editor Victoria Nangle
Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Jaime Pettit (Clubs) Editorial Assistant Sian Disson
Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Steve Sawyer Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless
01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH
When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.
004_LS450_Social Diary
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SOCIAL DIARY
Parr excellence
Latest diary Tim Richardson snaps the Brighton Photo Biennial showcase and Beyond Retro launch
Martin Parr, the internationally respected photographer, photojournalist and curator, has been appointed Guest Curator for Brighton Photo Biennial’s fourth edition. Showcased at the Sallis Benney Theatre last month, it will take place in October and November 2010. Parr promised a festival of “discovery and surprises”, not least the fact that works will simply be pinned or pasted up, making this the first “frame-free photography festival in the world”.
Martin Parr (Curator for Brighton Photo Biennial 2010)
Janine Boyer, Helen Cammock, Rebecca Drew
Mel Holness (Head of Photography at Brighton College),Elaine Norman-Davis (Art Technician and teacher at Brighton College)
Isadora, Freya, Fifi (The Half Sisters)
Vintage heaven Last month Brighton gained a clothing store that will make vintage lovers’ jaws drop. Iconic retailer Beyond Retro, which has famous stores in London’s East End and West End, opened their Vine Street branch in the North Laine with a frill-filled dress-up party. The store is open seven days a week and is overflowing with thousands of vintage pieces. For more information visit www.beyondretro.com
Stuart, Taylor Newman-Bruce, Steven Bethell (Co-owner Beyond Retro)
Lucy, Flo
005_LS450_City Speak
11/12/09
3:36 PM
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CITY SPEAK 05
Will
L7 is searching for a new local voice – and it’s providing a fascinating opportunity to find out what’s on your minds. Over the next few weeks we’ll be printing some of the submissions. First out of the post bag this week... Jaybee, 42, Brighton
Will Harris hesitates to type ‘I love you’
I
, dear reader, am a prisoner. from being just dinner companions A captive at the mercy of three with benefits to being a couple ‘in little words. You know the ones I love’. It’s the feeling you get at the mean; that three-word phrase that, top of that first peak on the once uttered, is considered to be an rollercoaster, trying to pass off as important milestone in every joyous excitement what is actually meaningful pairing we have. What’s sheer, vertical terror. that? No, I’m not talking about “I’ve I wonder if we focus too much on had better”. the words. Has he said it yet? Have Whenever we start a new you said it yet? Does it really relationship and that relationship matter? Isn’t love as a concept too starts to look like it’s going powerful, too primal and enormous somewhere, it’s only a matter of to be chained down by language? time before our You might fall friends start probing hopelessly in love us for details. What “It’s the feeling with someone the does he do? What is first moment you you get at the she like? And of meet them, for course the inevitable: example, but still Have you said “I love top of that first never find the words. you” yet? Conversely, you peak of the In my current might dutifully say “I relationship with E, I love you, dear” every rollercoaster” haven’t said “I love night yet never feel you” yet. He seems that unmistakeable to think that I did, once, midway twist in your guts. through a very boozy night out, but We have different types of love until he backs this up with CCTV for parents, spouses, family and footage capturing the magical friends. Some people love their pets. event, I’m maintaining it didn’t Others love their gods. Some people, happen. Besides, even if I did say it, believe it or not, love Barry Manilow there’s nothing to say I was (they’re called Fanilows and they referring to E. You know me. It could have a website and everything). So just as easily have been directed at the belief that this entire ocean of a nightbus. emotion can be distilled down into Anyway, I haven’t said it. I think three words, and little words at that; the reason I haven’t is that I’m sorry, you’ve lost me there. scared of what will happen if I do. I I love E. I don’t doubt that for one wonder how many of us have been second, but still I hesitate to say “I in a similar bind. There’s so much love you”. Not because I’m worried pressure focused on this one it’ll be too much, but perhaps moment, the crucial tipping point because it’ll be too little.
H
alf of Brighton is made up of music fans, and the other half of musicians. I'm both, so I feel ideally placed to write this column. The downside is that I will now surely be expelled from the Latest 7 Download Chart (no Latest contributors allowed) and banned, for the same reason, from mentioning my new album, Xxxxxx Xxxxxx, in print. So how else am I going to find my audience? “There has never been a better time to be a musician,” gushed the how-to-sell-your-music-online book that I bought in Brighton Borders. They lie! The internet is the eighth circle of hell when it comes to promoting music. It’s just too crowded in there. “Listen to ME,” we all yell, and no-one can hear anything above the babble. I have now spent more time on my hateful PC, trying to plug my new album, Xxxxxx Xxxxxxx (available at hundeds of sites, including Japanese iTunes, though selling precisely none) than I did writing and recording the masterpiece in question. Following the book’s advice, I have joined Imeem, ILike, MySpace, Facebook, Bebo and dozens more... gathering in the process some six “fans”, and one of those “fans” is me.
I have contributed to forums, befriended hordes of strangers and sent out EPKs (electronic press kits) to every publication from Horse And Hound to Potato Marketing Weekly. I’ve twittered and tweeted and pasted and posted till I’m goggleeyed and Googled out. I’ve made up fake identities and reviewed my own album on Amazon (a brilliant review, so perceptive). And still I’m only 261 locally and 4,321 globally on the ReverbNation rundown of pop artists. I’ve even tried payola. There’s this site called Jango where you upload your music and part with your dollars on PayPal so that your songs will be played to the site’s subscribers alongside the music they REALLY want to hear. I gathered 27 “fans” this way, people who say they “like” my music and who I can email and thereby enslave to my cause. But none of them replied. Even my “fans” won’t talk to me! The internet revolution and the slow death of giant record companies means that unsigned musicians can at last be heard, or so insists my how-to-sell-your-music-online book. I wish! The truth is that I am one pebble on the whole of Brighton beach, and the tide just came in.
Want to read more from Jaybee? comment@thelatest.co.uk
Local with lots to say for yourself? Fancy your chances in Latest 7’s Columnist Idol? Send a 450 word sample column to bella@thelatest.co.uk
is exactly what is being contemplated in parts of Asia to try and fight a GM war against Malaria. Could it be that the public’s intuition is unfettered by vested interests, and that in fact it is one-sided specialised educations that hinder a wider perspective? Could it be that the public is able to see through a minefield of high-sounding detail for an untainted common sense perspective on doing Heather Mills says follow your instinct on GM what is right? The recent service of commemoration to mark o matter how many times I hear the the end of combat operations in Iraq brought my argument for genetically modified crops, to mind back to the largest outpouring of public me the idea that we can improve on nature feeling in recent history. The largest “Only a mad scientist could screams of arrogance and alarm bells start ringing demonstration I can remember in 2003 saw believe it to be a good idea to between one and two million people march on in my head. GM crops is an example of where common sense, or perhaps intuition, senses that to try and stop the War in Iraq. Was this an release an army of GM mutant London there is something inherently wrong with intuitive understanding that this was an unjust attempting to improve on the natural world. and unwinnable war with consequences too great mosquitoes into the wild” A scientist could honestly spend forever trying to contemplate? to convince me that it was OK to genetically No weapons of mass destruction and engineer our food, because there is no evidence to somewhere near to one million Iraqis and 179 suggest a problem. I’m sure he would end up so British soldiers died in Iraq. The problems in the blue in the face that he’d end up looking like one of his own mutant Middle East are no nearer to being resolved and our society’s own cohesion experiments. Look, mate, haven’t you seen Frankenstein! If nature wanted us has been eroded along with our civil liberties. And. after all of this terrible to have disease resistant tomatoes the size of premier league footballs then suffering. are we any safer from the threat of terrorism? that is what several billion years of natural development would have Over analysis can complicate an issue. Sometimes surely provided. Doesn’t that make your university science doctorate pale ever so it’s far easier just to do what feels right? slightly into insignificance? Or are you worryingly still convinced of your own intellectual superiority? Genetically modifying anything and releasing it into the wild is short sighted and arrogant in my view. Only a mad scientist could believe it to be a Do you agree with Heather? comment@thelatest.co.uk good idea to release an army of GM mutant mosquitoes into the wild, but this
VBites of wisdom
N
006_LS450_newsphil/Council
11/13/09
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06 LATEST NEWS
L7 News
7
days of headlines with Phil Mills
PM offends mourning Brighton mother; £100 million development for American Express
I
t was a week for all of us to remember – all of us, it seems, except Gordon Brown. He managed to forget. The prime minister had to apologise to Brighton mother Jacqui Janes for spelling her son’s name wrong in a sympathy note.
Guardsman Jamie Janes, 20, of the 1st Battalion The Grenadier Guards, was killed in an explosion while on foot patrol in Helmand province last month. Our sincere sympathies go to Jacqui, who complained of Brown’s “hastily-scrawled insult”. Our condolences go also to Jamie’s many friends and relatives for their loss. We all make mistakes but there can be little excuse for someone with his own army – of researchers, PAs and secretaries. Remembrance Sunday was particularly special for a detective constable at a service in Rottingdean this year. DC Chris Hike, from Brighton and Hove Division, recently returned from a seven-and-a-half-month tour of duty in Iraq as second-in-command
of the Civil Labour Support Unit. Chris, a Captain in the Royal Logistic Corps, was deployed to Basra to supervise and be responsible for the day-to-day management of around 400 locally employed civilians (LEC) who carry out vital roles such as interpreting, infrastructure support, essential project work and logistics. He said: "I was hugely honoured to have the opportunity to lay the wreath in Rottingdean as a representative of Sussex Police. Having just returned from Iraq on operations, I feel closer than ever
Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on a new housing strategy
H
ousing issues have very much taken centre stage in my diary this week and, as this is a subject which I take a very close interest in, I would like to tell you about recent developments. Firstly, at our Cabinet meeting last week we agreed a new housing strategy for the City called Healthy homes, Healthy lives, Healthy city. For the first time, as part of this strategy, we are looking at the thorny issue of student housing in the city. The two universities, and their students, contribute a huge amount to
before to what this day stands for. “I am also enormously grateful for the support I have been given by Sussex Police to enable me to fulfil my TA obligations.” It was a proud moment for Chris, as it was for others. Some took their dedication to Remembrance Day to hairy lengths. Kai Ward had his Remembrance Day poppy cut into his hairstyle by Daren Terry from Lotus Styling in Bognor. With so many young faces of fallen British servicemen appearing in our news, almost on a daily basis, this year’s ceremonies were particularly poignant. The argument over the merits of the military campaign in Afghanistan may rage on but, as Brighton Kemp Town MP Des Turner put it: “There is never any dispute or hesitation when it comes to supporting our troops.” Away from the parades, there was good news for Brighton with the announcement that American Express is to build a £100 million extension in Edward Street, Brighton. It will create jobs and preserve hundreds of clerical posts in a city where unemployment is above the national average. And to top it all, the building itself is jolly attractive. That is, if the artist’s impression is anything to go by. But look a little closer at the picture and you might find something is missing. We see a glass and shuttered modern-looking Amex building, all clean and sparkling, and the happy pedestrians strolling past enjoying the sunshine. But there’s not a moving vehicle in sight and anyone who knows that area also knows it is chocker with cars, buses and lorries. Good luck to the Amex project and its artists – but, like Gordon Brown, haven’t you forgotten something? Do you have a message for British troops? comment@thelatest.co.uk
Brighton and Hove’s identity and economy but the large concentrations of student housing in particular areas of the city, can cause problems for permanent residents, such as unwanted noise and fly-tipping. The strategy aims to address these issues and also ensure that new purpose-built student housing is developed in suitable locations. At the other end of the age range, last week the Duke of Gloucester performed the official opening of Patching Lodge extra care scheme, just off Eastern Road, which has been developed in partnership with Hanover Housing Association. Extra care is very much the way forward for older people’s housing because it allows them to retain their independence in a selfcontained flat but also provides the reassurance of
latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk Dear Latest 7, I just wanted to let your readers know about a fabulous new choir. Souled Out is Brighton’s first community soul choir and, even though we have only been running for five weeks, we have over 80 members! Our musical roots are in gospel; catchy rhythms, handclaps and call and response are all essential ingredients. Members often come to rehearsals feeling gloomy, but leave feeling exhilarated! Find out about joining us at www.souledoutbrighton.com Neil Masey, Souled Out [Re Columnist Idol, L7, 449] Orwell never worked in banks, he most famously worked as a dishwasher in Paris (see Down And Out In Paris And London) as well as, initially, an Imperial policeman (in Burma) and later on as a schoolmaster and bookshop assistant in England. I think Andrew is confusing Orwell with TS Eliot who worked for a period in the 1920s at Lloyds bank. By the way, when TS Eliot was director of Faber and Faber, he was responsible for turning down Orwell's famous satire Animal Farm in 1944, rejecting it on the grounds that it was “too Trotskyite”. Miranda Taylor, by email I have just been flicking through the magazine, and read an article by Tasha [Columnist Idol, L7, 448]; it was the first time I’ve laughed out loud properly to an article before! It was shocking that someone who was 16 could write such excellent stuff. Ruth Duggan, by email
You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH
having support and care available on site 24 hours a day. With the effect of the ageing population, these sorts of schemes are going to become much more commonplace across the country. Finally, I would like to mention that Supported Housing month started on 16 November. As a Council, we currently fund 39 local organisations to support over 5,000 vulnerable people in the city, ranging from young people who need help to develop their independence through to people with mental health or substance misuse support needs. These are some of the more unsung services that we provide but they can nonetheless give a lifeline to some of our residents who are least able to help themselves. You can get more information on all of these issues at www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/housing. [For more on Supported Housing Month see Property News, Latest Homes, p23]
008_LS450_Snap Shots
11/13/09
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08 SNAP SHOTS
Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Cheeky Guide author David Bramwell
“
When I first came down to Brighton there used to be a place called the Zincbar, a modern day freakshow. I wandered in and saw a man on stage with a suitcase on his head, pouring sugar on the floor. That was his act. I knew from that moment Brighton was the place where I wanted to live and die
”
David Bramwell settling a score with a swan at the Booth Museum, where he met his now wife. David is the author of the best-selling Cheeky Guide to Brighton. He also founded and hosts salon-cum-debating society The Catalyst Club, which is at Latest Music Bar on the second Thursday of every month.
the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night NOW BOOKING CHRISTMAS PARTIES & DINNERS CALL ANGI ON 01273 687171
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thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
009_LS450_celebcity
11/13/09
1:49 PM
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CELEBCITY 09
SPONSORED BY
Celebcity with Jo Brooks Julian Clary and Todd Carty start rehearsals, while Michael McIntyre is riding high (and flying low!)
GADGET GIRL
LEARNING THEIR LINES W
ho can resist seeing celebs singing the lastest Girls Aloud tune and being sprayed by a giant water pistol while getting to boo incredibly loudly at a rubbish villain? With rehearsals now in full swing, the panto season is nearly upon us, and Sussex has a fair smattering of celebs taking part this year. The Hawth at Crawley has ex-Hove resident Julian Clary as Dandini in Cinderella, running from the 12 December to 3 January, while Worthing has two rival pantos (it all happens in Worthing!). Todd Carty, who was absolutely hilarious in Dancing On Ice, takes the lead role of Buttons in their version of Cinderella at the Pavilion Theatre, while exCorrie star (murdered by our very own Hove-based actor Brian Capron) Tracey Shaw plays Robinson Crusoe in the show of the same name. This will be a return to the boards for Tracey, who took four years out whilst having two sons, Louis and Luca. No doubt they will be in the crowd at the Connaught Theatre.
I spent a rather lovely lunch in London last week with old pal Suzi Perry. Suzi is probably one of the busiest people I know – if she is not filming episodes for Channel 5’s ultra successful programme, The Gadget Show, she is jetting around the globe presenting the BBC’s coverage of the Moto GP championship. We did manage to grab lunch in Villandry, London’s hip West End celeb hangout whose regulars include Masterchef judges John Torode and Greg Wallace. Suzi is also one of the most followed people in Europe on Twitter – put it this way, when she recently posted a Twitpic of herself wearing a tiny pink t-shirt, the item sold out within a day! If you want to follow Suzi on Twitter, logon and follow @suziperry
PRODIGAL POOCH PARTY A few weeks ago I wrote in this column about Brighton-based artist Julie-Anne Gilburt losing her beloved dog, Bella. Happily, the dog was returned after much drama, and Julie-Anne decided to celebrate in due style. The party was even graced by celebrity vet Marc Abraham (also soon to be seen on The Gadget Show). Guests were treated to Fizz and Chips and Bella looked stunning in a Dolce and Chiwahah gown.
SPOTTED! Michael McIntyre dosing up on Nurofen before his sell-out Brighton Centre gig last Saturday night. After cancelling his first gig last Thursday, Michael battled his sickness bug to make it on stage for the next three scheduled nights. I went along to his Saturday night show and, I have to say, it was completely fantastic – made even funnier by the posh comic delivering the entire first half of the show with his fly undone! [Read the L7 review on p 27].
Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk
Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com
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010_LS450_cheeky/stars
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ONLY JOKING!
Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
The Bare Cheek yoof column! It seems that these days the media is utterly obsessed with chasing the largely illusory 16 to 22 demographic, despite the fact people that age don’t actually watch TV or read newspapers or magazines. We here at Bare Cheek are no different. We’re desperate to have the young trendy people – with their Nintendos and their Lady Gagas and those belts with the checkerboard pattern on them – read this column, and everybody over 22 can just ruddy well eff off! So on with our trendy yoof column!
5
more facts you didn’t know about fantabulous hove
1
Steve Lucifer of Coleridge Street, Hove, is the man who devised the board game versions of Hangman, Battleships and Noughts And Crosses, despite the fact all one requires to play these games are the rules and a pencil and paper. He is currently working on board game versions of Paper, Scissors, Stone and Blue Car/Red Car.
2 3
Georgie’s Bistro on George Street is a World Heritage Site.
A short-lived parade began in Hove in 1983 commemorating It Ain’t Half Hot Mum, not-actually-gay funny-man Melvyn Hayes in all his various incarnations, viz. stooge to Cliff Richard in Summer Holiday, Gunner ‘Gloria’ Beaumont, Bombardier ‘Gloria’ Beaumont, and the skeleton from SuperTed. Er.... and that's it.
4
Hove’s dog track was the setting for one of the most notorious ‘purges’ of the 20th century, when local dictator, Alderman Jeffrey ‘Potty’ Potts, ordered his crack troops to herd all the leading dissidents into the stadium, where, over several days, they were shot to the strains of ‘I Feel Like Chicken Tonight’ played repeatedly over a tannoy. Jeffrey Potts is now MEP for the South East.
5
The inspiration for several of Churchill’s most celebrated speeches sprang from his boyhood holidays in Hove, where he fought some people on the beaches, went for a picnic on a sunlit upland, joined a syndicate that fell greatly into debt to a small number of creditors, and, during medical examination, was required to provide samples of blood, sweat and tears.
In & Out In • Humphrey Cushion • The Pepsi Challenge • The gifts given during your birthday drinks that you leave at the pub • Hereward The Wake
Out • Cutlery • The Stork SB Challenge • The Thoughts of Chairman Alf • Divine retribution • Anal warts
Brian: Er... Joe: Ahem... so... what do young people like these day? Any ideas, Brian? Brian: Er...EMF? Joe: No! EMF indeed. No, they like... er, what's that band? With the spiky hair? Brian: Tom Petty And The
Heartbreakers? Joe: Yes, that’s them. Anything else? Brian: Er.....computers? Joe: Oh yes. The dancing hamsters. Sonic The Hedgehog and all that. Anything else? Brian: Actually, if you ever talk to an 18 year old, they nearly always turn out to be into Fleetwood Mac or The Incredible String Band or Mario Lanza, or Buster Keaton films or something, so all this stuff that’s aimed at them is, as well as being patronising, utterly inaccurate. Joe: Shut up. Don’t you want us to have teenage groupies, like The Boosh do? Brian: Not particularly. Joe: Yes, you might have a point there. Oh well – join us next week for another fantastic Bare Cheek yoof column. Until then, keep it real! Brian: Keep what real? Joe: Shut up.
HOVE FACTUALLY
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11/13/09
BARE CHEEK I-SPY
NO. 1 – People who are always in front of you in the queue to pick up parcels at the sorting office A hippy. A young Japanese woman. An Italian woman. A middle-aged, balding man who looks like he is about to pick up a large consignment of Danish pornography. A somewhat incongruouslooking man in a suit and tie. A homeless-looking person (presumably that's why he’s picking up his post at the sorting office). Three Spanish girls labouring under the misapprehension that they are in the passport office.
BARDSLEY’S
Astral Angi
Astral has a celestial message to relay
★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}
★CANCER {June 22–July 22}
★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}
★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}
★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}
★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}
★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}
★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}
★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}
★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}
★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}
★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}
Enough of that online nonsense this week. If you are in tune with your astral inner self then you will already know what Astral has to say about you this week. Shut up Aries. Harness those inner feelings and focus Taurus, that’s it, relax, relax and feel your body drift into a deep and comforting sleep. Comforting for the rest of us that is. Can you hear me Gemini, Gemini Gemini Gemini Gemini Gemini. Good heavens, a typographic echo, I really am getting good at this. Gemini, you’d better do as I say.
WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN
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Come in Cancer, align you spiritual thoughts to my wave length. Got it? Good, now just absorb these thoughts. There, I have now implanted your programme for this week. Enjoy. Astral’s message for Leo this week has been left like a wild cat’s spoor in the fallen leaves of the cosmos. Trust your instincts Leo and sniff it out. No, not that you dirty cat. Time this week for Virgos everywhere to start projecting some of their innermost feelings. On the count of three – one, two, three...oh my goodness, can you feel that?
I am afraid to report to Librans that I am having trouble tuning into your astral waves right now which may in part be due to atmospheric pressure, or to the fact that I can’t be bothered. A dark and depressing cloud has enveloped all of my thoughts about Scorpio right now. Hang on, it appears to be clearing slightly, ah, Scorpio will experience a dark and cloudy period. I hear angels, a host of beautiful angels and they are singing sweetly ‘come to me, come to me, come to me’. I think this message is for you Sagis, I am going nowhere right now.
I really would love to help Capricorn this week but my voices are speaking to me in tongues and the only ones I can understand are too rude to print here and too upsetting. Sorry. Mmm, one moment, let me try to realign my thoughts. No, sorry, no matter how hard I try to get through, all Aquarius is giving me is intermittent whale song and pan pipes. I can hear the sound of water lapping, seagulls circling, wind whistling across The Level and the gentle bang bang bang of chips coming out of the fryer at Bardsleys. Time for supper.
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L7 INTERVIEW 11
LOVE BITES
As the second part of teen phenomenon The Twilight Saga hits cinemas, Zara Baker meets the cast of this fang-tastic fantasy
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ampires have always been a big draw on screen. But Joss Whedon’s ’90s series, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, launched a whole new fictional sub-genre – teen vampirism. Fast forward to 2005 and fantasy history was rewritten again. Stephenie Meyer’s book series, The Twilight Saga, which follows the love triangle between a human teen, a vampire and a werewolf, has now become a worldwide phenomenon with the first film, Twilight, grossing a staggering $35m on its opening day in 2008. With second installment New Moon arriving in cinemas this Friday, L7 caught up with stars Kristen Stewart (human Bella), Robert Pattinson (vampire Edward) and Taylor Lautner (werewolf Jacob). Do you talk to Stephenie about your characters? Kristen: I did on Eclipse [the third Twilight Saga installment,due in 2010] for the first time. When she was on set and watching all the scenes I really loved going and asking about details – that was really cool. I was always so intimidated by her before – she’s like the Queen Bee, y’know. Robert, having been part of two huge franchises [he played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire] how do you compare the two, and does playing the male lead make it very different? Robert: When I went into Harry Potter it was already on the fourth film and everybody already knew each other – people had married on the crew. Everything was so well oiled, and starting Twilight it was interesting to see so many different warrings. It was kind of a volatile set – the studio had different criteria to [Twilight director] Catherine Hardwicke. It’s weird dealing with a franchise on every level. K: But it wasn’t a franchise yet. Harry Potter was. R: Yeah, everyone’s going, ‘Oh, you must have known what you were getting into’, but it was hard to find someone who had heard of Twilight before the film came out. I remember looking for the book in London and it was difficult to find. Even though we did a multiple picture deal at the beginning, I had no idea... How prepared were you for the excitement and hysteria that comes along with working on these films? Taylor: After the first film, Twilight, we expect anything but I’m still always surprised by the fan reaction. Coming into New Moon, the feeling was a bit different. It’s great to know we have that kind of support behind us.
Kristen and Robert, how easy was it to maintain the emotion and intensity of your relationship? K: Well, I think to miss something it has to go away. Hypothetically, I don’t really know what it’s like to be in love with a vampire. But the descriptions in the book are so visceral and sensory. It’s first person narrative, so you know exactly what Bella is feeling all the time. Kristen, how was it kissing Robert in the film? K: It’s pretty cool. R: It’s amazing.
“If I stayed at my exact same mental capacity, then I wouldn’t like to be immortal!” Robert Pattinson The picture the media has created of your life, Robert, is one trapped in hotel rooms. Is Taylor taking heat off of you this time? R: I was kind of trapped in a hotel room when we were shooting Eclipse in Vancouver. If I’m still stuck in hotel rooms in 10 years then it probably would annoy me. How do your family cope with your fame? K: My family’s embarrassingly proud of me. My brothers get a little protective – I’ve had to make rules now, like they can’t go outside and scream at people. R: My family live in London so I don’t think they fully realise what’s been going on in America.
WIN!
We have five New Moon merch goodie bags to give away. To win, just tell us: Who plays Edward Cullen in The Twilight Saga? Email competitions@thelatest.co.uk and leave your name and contact details. Closing date: 30 November.
There’s a lot of speculation about your relationship, because you work so closely... K: Any good relationship that I’ve ever had with an actor has always been so emotional. If you don’t have that then you’re just lying. I have that with Taylor and everyone I’ve ever worked with. You need that. We are comfortable and thus able to give more honest performances. Taylor, you’ve totally transformed physically for the film. How did you find that and the stunt work? T: The stunt work was a lot of fun. I’d never ridden a dirt bike before so that was kinda scary at first, I had to go through some training so we could get a five-second shot of me on the dirt bike! Jacob’s transformation required a lot of hours in the gym but probably the most important part was the eating process, which was actually the most difficult. I had to double or triple my calorie intake per day, eating disgusting things like meat patties. Robert, would being immortal be good or bad? R: It depends. If I stayed at my exact same mental capacity as now, then I woudn’t want to be immortal! [laughs] I wouldn’t want to be considered young forever. I lke the innate wisdom that comes with being old. I’d quite like to be able to choose however old I am whenever I want. If you guys could go back and audition again for a different role, who would it be? K: I would love to play Alice. She has my favourite back story of all the Cullens and I would love to have her power – the visions. T: Is Bella an option? I would love to get in Bella’s... mind. New Moon is in cinemas from Friday
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CINECITY
The Hourglass Sanitorium
I’m Gonna Explode
Lights, camera, festival! Roll out the red carpet as Brighton film festival Cinecity returns for its seventh year with a celluloid something for everyone
• Opening Night film Micmacs, from Amelie and Delicatessen director Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Thursday 19 November, 6.30pm, Duke Of York’s. • Gerardo Naranjo’s multi award-winning Mexican, young couple-on-the-run drama, I’m Going To Explode (Voy A Explotar). Saturday 21 November, 6.30pm, Duke Of York’s.
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his week Cinecity, the South Coast’s leading annual film festival, returns to the Duke Of York’s and other venues around Brighton for the seventh year, bringing over 18 days’ worth of the very best in international cinema. Between 19 November and 6 December there’ll be premieres and previews, artists’ cinema and installations, treasures from the archive, retrospectives, free schools’ screenings, education events and talks and debates with industry names and specialists. Festival Director Tim Brown says, “This year we are continuing the great Cinecity tradition of screening films from both big name international directors, such as John Hillcoat’s eagerly awaited The Road starring Viggo Mortensen and Charlize Theron, to a day showcasing shorts and features made in and around Brighton by local filmmakers over the last 12 months.” The latter event takes place on Sunday 6 December. Other highlights include a lecture by renowned film historian Ian Christie on ‘Nevermades’, a look at the great unrealised film projects by directors including Alfred Hitchcock, David Lean, Stanley Kubrick, Terry Gilliam, Nicolas Roeg, and Mike Hodges, which, for a variety of frustrating reasons were rejected, uncompleted, or thwarted. This year the festival retrospective explores the cinema of Wojciech Has (1925 – 2000). The multi-award winning Polish director is known for works such as the cult classic The Saragossa Manuscript and The Hourglass Sanitorium. He has had a major influence on directors such as David Lynch, and was embraced by other high profile admirers including Luis Bunuel, Martin Scorsese and Francis Ford Coppola. Cinecity will present five newly restored prints, giving audiences an opportunity to rediscover this key director. Cinecity are also celebrating the 40th anniversary of the rarely seen 1969 cult classic British movie Bronco Bullfrog with the UK premiere of a new digital print, and a post screening discussion with its director, Barney Platts-Mills. www.cine-city.co.uk
CINECITY HIGHLIGHTS
• A special preview of Festival Patron John Hillcoat’s adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s novel of the same name, The Road. Wednesday 25 November, 6.15pm, Duke Of York’s. • Ponyo, the latest magical Japanese animation for children (and adults) from Spirited Away director Hayao Miyuzaki. Saturday 28 November, 1.30pm, Duke Of York’s. The Road
• Closing night screening A Prophet (Un Prophete), Jacques Audiard’s gripping prison drama, winner of the Grand Jury prize at this year’s Cannes. Sunday 6 December, 6.30pm, Duke Of York’s.
CANDID CANADA
Micmacs
Figuring Landscapes
At the heart of this year’s Festival is a major exhibition (20 November – 12 December, University of Brighton Gallery, Grand Parade) from Canadian-born artist Mark Lewis, who will present three moving image works including the World Premiere of Hendon, FC and the UK premiere of Nathan Phillips Square, A Winter’s Night Skating. Mark represented Canada at the recent Venice Biennale and is one of the world’s leading moving image artists. Another artists’ cinema highlight this year is the Figuring Landscapes strand – five packages of Artists’ Moving Image from Australia and the UK complemented by a panel discussion.
Micmacs
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COVER FEATURE 13
Masters of their craft MADE09 – Brighton’s Design and Craft Fair comes to the Corn Exchange
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he fourth year of MADE – Brighton's Design and Craft Fair – returns to the beautiful Corn Exchange in the heart of the city from Friday 20 to Sunday 22 November. Organisers Jon Tutton and Sarah Young say, “The fair was established to show our commitment to cutting-edge design, as well as top quality hand-made craft. We endeavour to select some of the best designer-makers in the UK, across all disciplines, so that the public can purchase original and contemporary work direct from these makers.” 2009 has seen a record number of applicants of an extremely high standard, which has made the selection process for the organisers incredibly difficult. The upside, though, is that MADE should once again provide the public with a wide range of top quality and often quirky work. Some of this year’s exhibitors have attended MADE in the past but there is an abundance of new work being shown, too, from both established and up-andcoming makers. Over 5000 buyers are expected to visit MADE over the course of the weekend. The fair is an exciting showcase for the very best in affordable craft, design and applied art and is becoming the most renowned event of its type in the south of England. Artist: Louise Loder on Driftwood
Artist: Abby Mosseri Charm and Gems
Artist: Linda Miller Three little robins and one plump blackbird 31x21cm
Paola McClure Family of Aliens Soft Sculpture
Over 100 designer-makers will be exhibiting and selling their work direct to the public. This makes the fair an intimate occasion with visitors being able to meet makers, discuss the work on show and discover the inspiration behind their original pieces. From intricate glassware to vibrant knitted textiles, elegant ceramics to dazzling jewellery, functional furniture to luxurious leather, this is the perfect opportunity to view and buy unique pieces in a friendly and informal atmosphere. Work is priced between £20 and £1500. MADE09 is the ideal place to find those special Christmas gifts. With most of the work not available on the high street, the fair provides original present ideas which will delight friends and family. MADE09 is supported by Coast magazine and Coast editor Clare Gogerty will formally open the fair on the evening of the Private View with drinks being generously supplied by Barefoot Wine. In addition, Paola McClure will be exhibiting a selection of her fabulous large embroidered and appliquéd textile sculptures in the foyer for best impact on arrival! A café run by The Secret Restaurant provides refreshments and delicious light meals for the duration of the show as well as a resting place to relax while contemplating purchases.
MADE09, Friday 20–Sunday 22 November, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, Church Street, Brighton, open Friday 11am–7.30pm; Saturday 10am–6pm; Sunday 10am–5pm; tickets: £5/children under 14 free, www.brightoncraftfair.co.uk Artist: Ekta Kaul Aerialscape – embroidered and hand-dyed silk wall hung piece
Artist: Lauren Van Helmond What’s On
Artist: Ekta Kaul Scrolls (embroidered silk quilt) 225x250 cms
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GIFT GUIDE 15
The
perfect
gift
Latest 7 has Christmas all wrapped up with a series of special gift guides throughout the festive season
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he countdown to Christmas is on. In the spirit of good will to all men, throughout this festive season Latest 7 will be taking the stress out of Christmas shopping with a series of gift guides right up until the big day. This week, find the perfect present for the man in your life in the first of our special guides. We also have some fantastic giveaways in health and beauty (p 17). Here you will find the ultimate pampering gifts, including a luxury spa break and Lush Winter Wonderland goodies. Over the coming weeks, we will publish the best gifts for kids, gifts for foodies, luxury gifts and last minute shopping ideas (just in case you do happen to leave it all until last minute).
Art Republic Art Republic, 13 Bond Street, Brighton BN1 1RD, 01273 724829.
‘Pearly King in Highgate Cemetery’ signed limited edition art print by Pure Evil. £150 unframed (a wide range of framing options available)
Jeremy Hoye Jeremy Hoye 22a Ship street, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1AD www.jeremy-hoye.com sales@jeremy-hoye.co.uk www.twitter.com/jeremyhoye 01273 777207
Skull in a Hat silver cufflinks £120
King’s & Queen's silver Sabre ring £75
Be charmed this Christmas with Jeremy Hoye’s silver charm necklace £135
Blitz Platinum and black diamond pave set ring £1,475
Badger Badger Clothing Company Ltd. 25-26 Bond Street, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1RD Menswear 01273 722245 / Womenswear 01273 325421
Olney bakers boy cap Made in England £39
Original Penguin, despatch bag £35
John Smedley scarf, Made in England £50
Van Dale, cardigan £90
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GIFT GUIDE
North Laine Photography North Laine Photography Gallery, Upstairs at Snoopers Paradise, 7-8 Kensington Gardens / and NLP Xmas stall, East 1, Churchill Square, (30 yards in from the entrance by Borders) www.brightonphotography.com
This front cover shot is just one of 57 great images found in the Brighton and Hove Calendar 2010. Amongst them – stunning images of the C-Curve, Brighton in the snow, the Falmer poppy fields, plenty of festival fun, plus unique takes on the Pavilion and under the West Pier. (£5)
Sussex Book Guild From all good bookshops or on-line at Amazon.co.uk
Baroque Baroque Bespoke Jewellery, 9 Union Street, Brighton, 01273 777003, www.baroquejewellery.com For the urban gentleman, with a hint of rock, look no further than Baroque for the latest additions to the IDOL London range. Pictured here is the “Ballroom Blitz” pendant in silver with black diamonds for a cool £550
An intimate glimpse of an actor’s life from Kathy Come Home to EastEnders...
Treatment Rooms Treatment Rooms 21 New Road. Brighton www.thetreatmentrooms.com
Gift vouchers for all values at The Treatment Rooms, for the man in your life ESPA Facial Foam Cleanser for men £20
Sarah Sheridan www.loveandpatience.com 01273 411487
‘He’s Priceless’ – A unique silver blank price tag pendant for him to wear as a symbolic reminder of your love, friendship or simply a thank you. £19.99
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HEALTH & BEAUTY GIVEAWAY 17
Lush Winter Wonderland gift sets Latest 7 has teamed up with Lush Fresh Handmade Cosmetics to offer readers the chance to win one of three luxury Winter Wonderland gift sets (worth £49.95 each). Fabulously presented in a beautiful white hatbox embossed with red velvet snowflakes, all tied together with a red satin ribbon, this is the ultimate present for those who love to indulge in pampering. Lock yourself away from the world and create your own winter wonderland with these stunning hand and body treats. The gift set includes: Rub Rub Rub shower gel (100g), Snow Fairy shower gel (100g), Up You Gets emotibomb, Happy Hippy shower gel (100g), Porridge soap (100g), Snowcake soap (100g), Helping Hands hand cream, Snowshowers shower jelly, Sugar Scrub, Let Them Eat Cake lip balm, Vanilla Puff dusting powder, Strawberry Feels Forever massage bar, Double Fast Luck emotibomb and Fairy Tail sugar scrub. Lush Christmas gifts and single treats are available at Lush shops nationwide. For shop details and mail order, call 01202 668 545 or order online at www.lush.co.uk. Q What was ringing in the popular festive song ‘Winter Wonderland’?
The Day Spa at Whittlebury Hall gift card Latest 7 have teamed up with The Day Spa at Whittlebury Hall in rural Northamptonshire to offer readers the chance to win a gift card worth £125. This can be used at The Day Spa, or towards beauty products, meals and breaks at Whittlebury Hall. Q Where is Whittlebury Hall located?
TO BE IN WITH A
CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 31 November.
Lavender Room silk gown Brighton’s Lavender Room is the the perfect local haven for some much-needed R&R. Now you can recreate an indulging spa experience at home with the help of their gorgeous Mineral Silk Dressing Gown (£69). We are giving away one of these wonderfully soft and luxurious gowns, made from 100 per cent silk with beautiful hand embroidery. It comes in one size and is 118cm long. The Mineral Silk Dressing Gown is available from Lavender Room, 16 Bond Street, Brighton, BN1 1RD or online www.lavenderroom.co.uk. Q What is Lavender known for promoting? A: Calm B: Anger C: Laughter
Reader offer Treat yourself and a loved one to the perfect midweek treat at Whittlebury Hall – a one night spa stay – and receive a free 25 minute facial. For just £75 per person, you get all of the following: overnight accommodation; full English breakfast; three-course dinner; Heat and Ice experiences on your day of arrival, plus, exclusively for Latest 7 readers,a free 25 minute facial. To take advantage of this special offer call today quoting ‘L7109’ on 0845 400 0002. Offer valid for bookings made and taken by February 2010. For full terms and conditions visit www.thelatest.co.uk/health&beautygiveaway. To find out more and to register for other offers visit www.whittleburyhall.co.uk/verysoothing
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HOTLIST include the steak and Guinness pie and Mediterranean vegetable lasagne. Vicarage Lane, Rottingdean, 01273 390635
L7 Hotlist
Preston Park Tavern
Feeling peckish? Insatiably ravenous? These eateries and bars cater for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk Chimney House
A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers. 88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk
The Restaurant At Drakes
Restaurants American JB’s Diner JB’s Diner is a quirky and cool nod to the classic American Diner, from the ‘50s rock’n’roll and the retro dining booths to the stars ‘n’ stripes flying proud as you eat your way through their delicious USA themed menu. The burgers are generous, fresh, tasty and available in many different varieties, the Texan BBQ and ‘Across The Border’ Mexican being firm favourites. Other top sellers include the foot-long hotdogs and rack of ribs. Add a thick dairy ice-cream shake in many flavours (including Oreo!) and we have an American diner perfect for kids and adults alike, looking out onto the very British Brighton beach. 31 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NR, 01273 771776, www.jbsdiner.co.uk
British & modern European 9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit, they do the best chips ever tasted and appear to have already acquired several celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner. 9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk
Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256
Check out Andrew Kay’s comprehensive Brighton, Hove and Sussex Food & Drink directory online at www.thelatest.co.uk
Barney’s Sample the new menu – available until closing time seven days a week! Mainline draught beers/bottles and branded spirts for £1.99, plus fantastic cocktails only £2.99. With sixty seats outside, this is the perfect place to eat, meet and socialise in the sunshine. 102-106 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 1FA, 01273 720058. Barneys@home home delivery service starting soon!
Brighton Rocks Kemp Town’s best loved bar is delighted to offer its new scrummy freshly cooked menu with vegetarian options. Their 2-for-1 main course is available for lunch and dinner seven days a week from an outstanding £6.50. Sunday roast is a must! They have a generous selection of appreciable wines, awesome beers and wicked cocktails. Come dine in an informal friendly atmosphere. Enjoy! 6 Rock Place Kemp Town, 01273 601139 www.brightonrockspub.com
Chimney House With a stylish, cosy interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a light lunch and glass of wine or a hearty three-course dinner. 28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708, www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk
Thai
Gars Restaurant
Sabai Thai Gastrobar
This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk
Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95. Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays. 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk
French Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. There’re also beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412
New Steine Bistro
Fat Leo
Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819
This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three courses, Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm. 10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp
L’Église
Indian
New to the Golden Lion Group, the Plough Inn at Rottingdean is a lovely, cosy pub offering great beer, fine wines and excellent homemade food lunch & evenings. Favourites
Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk
Chinese
Koba Bar and Venue
The Plough Inn
Donatello
The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk
A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best people-watching spot in town. This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of home-cooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish. Their Bloody Marys are very popular too! 28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423 Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059
Italian
Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Awarded two coveted AA Rosettes through the skills and talents of head chef Andrew MacKenzie, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two-course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people. The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com
Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk
The Dorset
the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk
Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk
The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and
To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105
L’Église
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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 19
Food & Drink Andrew Kay finds the very French Mange Tout is winning the battle of Trafalgar Street
Tout sweet M
s McT and I had spent a fabulous few hours at Glyndebourne when we met Mr R. Jenufa had reduced us both to tears and I for one was ready for a drink. We met at Mange Tout, a newish French restaurant in which, a few days earlier, I had eaten a delicious lunch of venison stew. Spurred by that I decided that we had to try dinner, and soon. The look is smart modern basic – it reminded me very much of all the cafés that I frequented when in Paris as a student, very Rive Gauche. Vincent – who I know from Blanch House – brought us a kir royale to start, one made with his father’s blueberry liqueur and the other with his raspberry. Very good they were too.
“The generous hunk of rump was glistening, the bowl of frites steaming, and I have to say my eyes were somewhat green with envy” The menu is short but there are daily specials on a huge blackboard and I knew pretty fast that I was going to dine from that. In a truly dictatorial manner I ordered the plate of charcuterie and half a dozen snails for us to share. The others seemed happy with that decision and, when the food arrived, we were delighted: great hams, pickles, olives and crisp bread and a stunning rillette. I love rillete, despite it probably being artery-clogging stuff. This was French dining without any pretence, just great care and, dare I say it, love. Mr R chose from the menu a chicken pastry, which Vincent declared might be too small. But he was not to be swayed, and he was right – the vol au vent was certainly big enough for dinner with some salad on the side. He was very happy indeed and declared it creamily delicious. Ms McT likes her meat and was fast to declare her interest in the steak frite. It’s a risky thing ordering a steak, I find – perhaps one of the simplest dishes, it is also one of the hardest to get right. But this one was so right, so absolutely perfectly cooked, shaped and proportioned. The generous hunk of rump was glistening, the bowl of frites steaming, and I have to say my eyes
were somewhat green with envy. In the end she was unable to eat the entire steak but, fortunately, Mr R stepped in to lend a hand. My choice came from the blackboard, a special that day of red mullet fillets served with fennel, beetroot and purple carrots. Hooray for purple carrots; in fact, hooray for anyone who serves carrots that actually taste of something. These were delicious and, no, they are not a fad. According to my sources carrots were originally purple and have had the colour bred out of them; a sort of culinary ethnic cleansing, I guess. The fillets of fish were perfect too – sweet white flesh, crisp skin, not a bone to be found. Below lay the soft fennel and, around the carrots, some pretty pommes parisienne. I was more than impressed, especially seeing the tiny scale of the kitchen that it had come from. Ms McT threw in the towel at this point but, true to form, Mr R and I went on to dessert. I would have had the cheese platter – I had it for lunch and it was exemplary – but plum clafoutis was on offer, and I love that. In reality it was more of a plum tart than the clafoutis I know from my student days but no less delicious, as was the ice-cream on the side. Mr R had crème brûlée (where do those accents go? oh, thank you ed) just to maintain the cream level of his entire dinner, and was delighted when it came in a wide shallow dish, thus increasing the ratio of burnt sugar to custard. I, of course, needed a hit of espresso to finish, not just for the coffee but for the dainty meringues that they make here with the egg whites left over from a week’s worth of hollandaise sauce. This is a clear sign that they cook in a very traditional way. It is the detail that makes Mange Tout such a delight. The lighting is dim but flattering, the décor quirky but right, and it is spotlessly clean – even the toilet rolls are in regimental order, rendering them akin to a great work by Andy Warhol. It’s a fun place, with an informal buzz that gives it a vibrancy some serious food places fail to achieve. Mange Tout is good – so good in fact that I ate the lot and will be back. Mange Tout, 81 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, BN1 4EB, 01273 607270
Have you been to Mange Toutl? andrew@thelatest.co.uk
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20 FOOD & DRINK
ALE & HEARTY FOOD A promise of great food, good beer and a warm and friendly welcome at The Connaught in Hove
F ‘‘The Connaught is set for success – a simple concept, a warm and friendly pub that serves great food’’
ifty years ago there were pubs and there were inns. Pubs sold beers and spirits and so did inns, but inns would also sell you a meal. It was a good distinction in its way, as expectations were never stretched. Then along came drink driving legislation and the licensed trade needed to bolster waning drink sales by offering food. The problem gave rise to the ploughman’s lunch and chicken in a basket and, for a long time after, British cuisine was severely damaged by those two dishes alone. Fifty years on and the reputation of British food has been rescued and restored by the advent of the gastropub. It’s not a term we like much but it does mark that change in attitudes and also in expectations. The newly refurbished Connaught in Hove Street is set to become the latest food lovers’ destination in the city. What had become a run down old boozer has been given a bright new face lift, the spaces opened out, cleaned up and given a refreshing new start. The garden, too, has been given a new lease of life, with new furniture ready for good weather. Inside, the makeover has been gentle, retaining the oak bars and boarded walls, and the furniture is
an eclectic mix of restored tables and chairs that give the space a timeless quality. But is it a pub or is it a restaurant, as so many pubs have become? Well, the policy is simple: half the tables are set for diners and half left free for drinkers. If you want, you can dine in the bar side, too, but there is no pressure to order food. You can also book tables in the dining area. And making the food is executive chef Brett Mather. Brett has been poached from a successful pub in Kent where his cooking skills have won him both fans and accolades, none less than a prestigious Michelin Bib Gourmand. His tenet is fresh, local and seasonal, three good points in our book. The menu is full of great starters, classic pub dishes and a wide range of main courses and puds. We particularly like the fact that the first three dishes in the main section are vegetarian and there are two more in the pub classics section. Brett is also enjoying the food that Sussex has to offer: ‘‘I will be cooking old red Sussex beef, Sussex lamb, locally bred Gloucester Old Spot pork and fresh game from a shoot in Burgess Hill. I am also delighted by the quality of local fish that is available and can’t wait to start
serving that. Whilst not everything on the menu is organic, we will be using as much organic produce as is possible and our menus will change on a daily basis, reflecting what we find from our suppliers.’’ This kind of food demands a decent wine list, too, and the owners have gone to great lengths to find a supplier who can bring wines to the table to match the quality of the food. It’s one of the many good things that the advent of the gastropub has achieved: we no longer have to suffer bad wine in pubs. Brett has also promised that the breads and focaccias will be made in the kitchen fresh each day and, although barely open, the evidence we see on the plate is more than convincing. So much so, in fact, they already have bookings for their Christmas day lunch menu. Meanwhile, we have our eyes set on a seared pigeon breast with smoked bacon, shallots and puy lentils and a dish of scallops and black pudding; or maybe the crab fish cakes followed by organic pot roast chicken with cider and confit garlic and a nice steak. Is it lunch time yet? The Connaught is set for success – a simple concept, a warm and friendly pub that serves great food. The Connaught, 48 Hove Street, Hove, BN3 2D 01273 206578 www.connaughtpub.co.uk
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STAGE 21
L7 WHAT’S ON
Life is a cabaret... But for the real Berlin experience head to Upstairs at Three and Ten for Cabaret Brecht
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orget Sally Bowles, or should I say Liza Minelli. Okay, Minelli is good but if you are looking for a real portrayal of cabaret in Berlin pre-World War II, then hers is a startlingly saccharine one. For a real sense of Berlin cabaret, you can do no worse than looking at the work of Bertolt Brecht. Otherplace Productions are presenting Cabaret Brecht, an originally devised evening of plays, poems and songs by the great agitator and satirist, Bertolt Brecht. Brecht began his artistic life writing songs and skits for the Berlin cabaret circuit, some of which he performed himself. The development of his own theatrical aesthetic was influenced by notorious cabaret starts such as the clown Karl Valentin, who used picture cards to comment on the action in his scenes and wrote
satirical songs in verse that critiqued the society and politics of the day. Cabaret Brecht will weave together some of this fantastically rich and entertaining material. A cast of five talented and versatile performers skillfully animate songs, poems and short plays taken from Brecht's extensive back catalogue of work. This is a wonderful introduction to the work of a major talent, a chance to see very rarely performed gems from the pen of a great writer and poet, and a mustsee for lovers of live performance.
Stagelistings > Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November > THE BASEMENT, BRIGHTON 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com Argus! The Musical Brighton’s awardwinning improvised comedy troupe perform scenes and songs inspired by articles cut from The Argus just moments before the show. >23–24 Nov, 7.45pm, £7 BRIGHTON DOME, PAVILION THEATRE 01273 700747 www.brightondome.org Orpheus In The Underworld Brightonbased musical theatre company The Wandering Minstrels revive Offenbach's 19th century musical satire. >19–21 Nov, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee 21 Nov, £11.50–£14.50
CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Pride And Prejudice Jane Austen’s romantic comedy stars Susan Hampshire as the marriage-obsessed Mrs Bennet. >Until 21 Nov, 7.45pm, 2pm matinees 19 & 21 Nov, £10–£30 CRAWLEY: THE HAWTH,01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk A Skull In Connemara Presented by Love&Madness Theatre. Blood-splattered script, directed by Catriona Craig, which is part thriller/whodunnit and part farce. > 21 Nov, 8pm, £11–£13 EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk
> Tuesday 17 – Monday 23 November >
With live piano accompaniment, the intimate venue, Upstairs At Three And Ten, will be the perfect setting for this rare treat, a chance to step into the cabaret and see the world as it is put to you in the words of Bertolt Brecht. Otherplace Productions are the resident company and managers of Upstairs At Three And Ten. Productions include double bills by Pinter and Beckett, revivals of plays by Vaclav Havel and Edward Bond, in addition to new work by local playwrights. Their most recent production, Janis, won Best Female Performer at the Brighton Fringe Awards 2009 and was nominated in the Best Solo Performance Category by The Stage at the Edinburgh Fringe. Otherplace Productions is proud to introduce Alex Brown, who was invited by the company to devise and direct the production. He is a graduate of the University of Sussex and recently graduated with a First in Drama and English. Cabaret Brecht, Upstairs At Three And Ten, 10 Steine Street, Brighton, 17–19 November, 8pm; 21 November 3pm & 8pm, £5–£8, 07800 983 290, www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk
Coppelia Traditional production of the Saint-Léon/Delibes ballet, presented by Southern Youth Ballet. > 29 Nov, 4pm, 2.30pm matinees 11 & 14 Nov, £8–£14 EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Rent Jonathan Larson’s Tony awardwinning rock musical, based on Puccini's La Bohème. > 17–21 Nov, 7.30pm, 2.30pm matinee 21 Nov, £12–£14 THEATRE ROYAL, BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Dial 'M' For Murder Lucy Bailey's production of the gripping Frederick Knott thriller. >17–21 Nov, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinees 18, 19 & 21 Nov, £18–£32 The Grass Is Greener Liza Goddard starts in the classic comedy.
Stage
WHAT THE BUTLER SAW Classic comedy with The Grass Is Greener
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arce comes to town this week in the form of a classic English comedy about the chaos that ensues when an impoverished English earl has to open his stately home to the public. Full of love triangles, trysts and revenge tactics – plus a wily butler – The Grass Is Greener was written by one of Britain’s favourite playwriting teams of the ‘60s, Hugh and Margaret Williams. It proved to be a huge hit in the West End and went on to become an award-winning movie starring Cary Grant, Deborah Kerr, Robert Mitchum and Jean Simmons. Liza Goddard and Christopher Cazenove lead this production’s award-winning cast, joined by Jack Ellis and Sophie Ward. The Grass Is Greener, Mon 23 – Sat 28 November, Theatre Royal, New Road, Brighton, 7.45pm, plus 2.30pm matinees 26 & 28 November, £18–£32, 08448 717650, www.theambassadors.com /theatreroyal
>23–28 Nov, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinees 26 & 28 Nov, £18–£32 UPSTAIRS AT THREE AND TEN, BRIGHTON 07800 983 290 www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk Cabaret Brecht An evening’s entertainment fusing plays, poems and the music of Kurt Weill. >17–21 Nov, 8pm, 3pm matinee 21 Nov, £6–£8 Buy Little Buy Less Buy Nothing At All By Claire Dowie. A new disease is sweeping the nation: inconspicuous non-consumption. >24 Nov, 8pm, £5–£7 WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE, 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Macbeth Shakespeare 4 Kidz present their musical interpretation of the Scottish play. > 17 Nov, 10am, £9.50–£16
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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS
Clublistings
Musiclistings
> Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November >
> Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November >
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BRIGHTON COALITION Carnivalesque. Art, fancy dress, oodles of cake and live performance to shake a sax at! 10.30pm-4am, £11-£6 CONCORDE 2 Silent Disco. 11pm–4am, £8 DIGITAL Stonelove. 101 per cent maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and live bands. 11pm–3am, £4 HANBURY CLUB Club Chat Noir. Gypsy and ‘20s/’30s Hot Swing club. 7pm–2am, £10-4 HONEY CLUB Connected. Jesse James smashes out original floor bangers. 11pm–4am, £10-8 KOMEDIA Born Bad. Red hot rockabilly, ‘50s rock'n'roll, ‘60s garage and girl groups 11pm, £6/5 OCEAN ROOMS Freebass. All kindsa basses for all kindsa faces. 11pm–5am, free PO NA NA Ice Box. Blowing you sideways with awesome funk, soul, house and dance floor cutz. 10pm–3am, £6/5 VOLKS One Love Festival Reunion & Unity Hi-Fi 5th Birthday. Dubstep, UK steppers, Roots and Reggae. 11pm–5am, £6 b4 12
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TUESDAY 17 AUDIO New Slang. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS DIGITAL Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £3/2 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Wireless. Pop, Dance and Commercial R&B 10.30pm–3.30am, £3 HONEY CLUB Indie Rocks. 11pm–3am, £2/1 PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1
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WEDNESDAY 18 AUDIO Supercharged. Another original Croydon Dubstep pioneer, Hatcha serves up crucial, bass heavy sounds. 11pm–2.30am, £5/3 BRIGHTON COALITION Robot Rock. ’80s synth, electro rock and indie pop. 11pm–3am, £1 LIFE Let’s Kill Disco. Playing all manner of dirty mash-ups and filthy beats. 10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1
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BRIGHTON COALITION Secret Discotheque. Retro disco, ’80s pop, hair metal, TV theme tunes. 10pm–3am, £3/2 NUS DIGITAL Thursday Club. The true R'n'B and Hip Hop diva, Ms Dynamite. 11pm, £7.50 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE BangBang. Playing the hippest hip-hop, the freshest dup step and banging D’n’B! 11pm–5am, £1 b4 12am HONEY CLUB Fusion. Six DJs, three rooms of sexy R’n’B, indie and house, one place to be. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1 LIFE Club NME. Live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10.30pm–3am, £2/1 PO NA NA Pick’n’Mix. You pick it ’n’ they’ll mix it. 10.30pm–3am, £1 VOLKS Voltage. D'n'B, DubStep, Gabber, Acid and Techno. 10pm, £free b4 11
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FRIDAY 20 AUDIO Minimal Kids. Brighton's playground for blips and bleeps presents ak/ak. 11pm–4am, £8/5
> Digital, 8pm, £7.50
BIMM Live And Lyrical Fresh acts from the Brighton Institute of Modern Music line up for a showcase. Komedia, 7.30pm, £4 Gary Numan The ‘80s electro pioneer and more recent industrial rocker recreates his 1979 album The Pleasure Principal, most notable for the big hit, ‘Cars’. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £19 Gloria Cycles + Polka Party Classy Brightonian indie rockers. The Hope, 7.30pm, £5 The Xcerts + Skeletons + The New 1920 Scottish indie rockers influenced by The Smiths and The Clash. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £5.50 Wavves Rescheduled show(due to an onstage breakdown earlier this year) for this San Diego alt. surf-pop maverick. Audio, 7pm, £8
The Specials The seminal ‘80s ska-pop stars play a massive arena show. Brighton Centre, 7.30pm, £32.50
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WEDNESDAY 18
SATURDAY 21 AUDIO Summer Of Love. The don of free parties brings house, electro and techno. 11pm–4am, free BRIGHTON COALITION Pop Musik. Unadulterated pop pleasures. 11pm–4am, £10-£6 CONCORDE 2 Digital Mystikz. See Highlight. 11pm–4am, £7 DIGITAL Playroom. Funky House and Dirty Electro Grooves. 11pm–4am, £15/12 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Buddha Soul. With Juice FM’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 LIFE Hold Up. Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 NEW HERO It is Still 1985. Alternative ’80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3 OCEAN ROOMS Smut. Dirty electro house, sexy dancers and filthy fun 'n' games! 11pm, £10-6 VOLKS Darklight Vs Strictly Drumz. Melting walls ears and anything in its path. Massive D'n'B from Radio 1's Fabio. 11pm–5am, £3
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THURSDAY 19
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Elephant III Tuneful jazz combo. Komedia, 8pm, £8 Shred Yr Face Tour 3: Espers + The Cave Singers + Woods Less of the loud guitar faceshred this time round as this breaking music tour brings some quality US folk-inspired acts to these shores. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £12 Snow Patrol Massive selling Scottish softrocking stadium pop-rockers. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £35-55 Triple Threat Tour: Gay For Johnny Depp + Blakfish + Outcry Collective Ridiculously monikered but pretty damned special Brooklyn hardcore types headline this strong line-up. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5 VV Brown Retro-flavoured singer, one of 2009's biggest new UK pop successes, tours debut album Travelling Like The Light. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £7.50
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HONEY CLUB Sundelicious. House and soulful beats. 10pm, £2/1 LIFE Maxxi Soundsystem. Full on party soundsystem. 6pm, free
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12 Stone Toddler These faux-vaudevillian, darkly comic genre-fusing rockers are one of Brighton's best. Komedia, 8pm, £8 Alesha Dixon The Strictly Come Dancing Star, former Mis-Teeq member and successful solo performer continues her quest for world domination. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £18.50 Julia Biel + Daniel Clark + Martin Messent Jazz tinged vocalist supported by ex-The Hat man Clark. Komedia, 8pm, £6/5 Ms Dynamite + MistaJam Mercury-winning UK R'n'B and garage lady makes a belated return to the live circuit. Ms Dynamite
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MONDAY 23 AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to dancehall. 11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free HONEY CLUB Detention. Weekly student trash bash. 10.30pm–3.30am, £3/free
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FRIDAY 20 Brighton Jazz Club Weekly studio bar gathering of international jazz talents. Komedia, 8.30pm, £14 Dreadzone + Subgiant Dub/reggae dance crossover kings from the ‘90s, who seemingly can't stay away from Brighton. Komedia, 8pm, £14 Ladysmith Black Mambazo + Netsayi The legendary South African vocal group grace the Dome. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £24/20 Laid Back And Late Piano Bar With Glen Richardson Late night piano chill-out. Komedia, 11pm, £3
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SATURDAY 21 Alison Moyet The veteran Basildon pop vocalist and erstwhile Yazoo frontwoman plays a greatest hits set. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £25 Breed 77 Gibraltarian nu-metal survivors. Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £10 Chris T-T The talented Brighton-based, political singer-songwriter vents much acoustic spleen. West Hill Hall, 7.30pm, £8 Kroon Kat Lounge: Nicky Mitchell And The Hepkat Huzzahs Big Band Jazz and swing cabaret party night. Komedia, 7.30pm, £15
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SUNDAY 22 Breakestra + The Grand Majestic Ten-piece LA funk 'orchestra' fusing hip-hop and soul with breaks and beats. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £13 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Popular classics, featuring John Williams' Harry Potter score, Blake's The Snowman and Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £8-32 Lloyd Cole Critically acclaimed arty pop-rocker and former frontman of Lloyd Cole And The Commotions. Komedia 8pm, £17.50
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MONDAY 23 Breakthrough With Rough Trade: Rizzle Kicks + Lulla Violet Unsigned local bands' live showcase. Latest Music Bar 8pm, £3/2 Ugly Duckling + Maxfield Long Beach, California-bred purveyors of idiosyncratic hip hop. With support from Essex funkedup rockers who have supported the likes of Guillemots, The Magic Numbers and the great Public Enemy. Digital, 8pm, £7.50
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Nick Aldwinckle
tues 17 nov
fri 20 nov
sun 22 nov
cafe scientifique an exciting forum for debating science 7.30pm £donations
the spotlight players presentcinderella with a twist in the tale in aid of the alzheimers society doors 6.30-show 7pm £8/5 frockabilly queer run, straight friendly, 1950s rockabilly, rock 'n' roll and r&b 10pm til late £5
private party to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact ruth or megan on 01273687171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk
wed 18 nov the spotlight players presentcinderella with a twist in the tale in aid of the alzheimers society doors 6.30-show 7pm £8/5
sat 21 nov thurs 19 nov the spotlight players presentcinderella with a twist in the tale in aid of the alzheimers society doors 6.30-show 7pm £8/5
manchester street, brighton tel.
the spotlight players presentcinderella with a twist in the tale in aid of the alzheimers society doors 6.30-show 7pm £8/5
01273 687171
mon 23 nov breakthrough with rough trade the best breaking acts around+djs 8pm £5/4
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
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MUSIC NEWS 23
Musichighlights
Music
> Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November >
CODEINE VELVET CLUB
With Jeff Hemmings
Fronted by John Lawler of The Fratellis (along with Lou Hickey), this side project is a little bit of a shot in the dark but, with The Guardian describing their sound as ‘all mariachi brass and John Barry drama’, their high-octane big band meets orch-pop fusion could be a nice surprise. Monday 23 November, Hanbury Club
12 STONE TODDLER Rare Brighton gig for this acid-fried, carnivalesque metal-funk-rock juggernaut. Their recent album Scheming will be put through its paces tonight along with a slew of newer songs and current single ‘Under The Weather’. Canterbury’s folk-psych outfit Syd Arthur support. Thursday 19 November, Komedia
HEELS CATCH FIRE + THE HALF SISTERS + ACHILLES Good looking bill of some of Brighton’s more intriguing acts as part of the Pop Music club night. From the archetypal angular indie of Heels Catch Fire to the highly twee whimsy of The Half Sisters via the big and melodious instrumental post-rock of Achilles, most tastes should be catered for here. Saturday 21 November, Coalition
THE SPECIALS Rather famous 2 Tone band who wrote a couple of the best songs of the era in the shape of ‘Gangsters’ and ‘Ghost Town’. They’ve recently reformed and have been raking it in. But we don’t hold that against them as, by all accounts, their live show is excellent and, with the rise of the BNP, their presence is more than needed. Thursday 19 November, Brighton Centre
GOLD FOR THE SOUL Alice Russell may be a ‘Little Poppet’, but her classic soul voice has never been bigger than on new LP Pot Of Gold
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iminutive she may be, but Alice Russell belts them out with the best. And in the process she’s gradually built a career out of music – something she hadn’t contemplated when studying at Brighton University. “I came to Brighton to do VPA [the infamous Visual and Performing Arts degree at Brighton University], where we would mash it all up,” she says. “I was into art, printmaking, fashion design and painting... It all happened really naturally. People would hear me sing at home and tell me that I had a great voice.” One of the original signings to the Brightonbased Tru Thoughts label, Alice has now released four albums, her latest, Pot Of Gold, through her own label Little Poppet. “I knew Paul Jonas [co-founder of Tru Thoughts] when he was still ‘A Man With A Van’ and I used to go to Rob Luis [Tru Thoughts’ other co-founder]’s club nights like ‘Shake Yer Wig!’ When we stated making music, Rob matched me up with Quantic [Will Holland].” Alice has performed with Quantic irregularly over the years, and hopes to catch up with him again next year in his new home of Colombia. With a classic voice made for vintage funk and soul, Alice has become a live favourite, regularly
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choose from a selection of our award winning cocktails! 2 for 1 upon presentation of this voucher between Sunday & Thursday. why not stay for a bite to eat? our new bar menu is now available. blanch house 17 atlingworth street brighton bn2 1pl 01273 603504 info@blanchhouse.co.uk www.blanchhouse.co.uk
touring the world with her steady band of local musicians, including co-writer TM Juke, Ben Jones and Mike Simmonds. “I’d love to be in an affluent enough position to be able to say, ‘Right! I want to tour in that part of the year and be in the studio then’. Touring is our bread and butter and it’s where it translates best to people.” After three albums with Tru Thoughts, Alice decided to strike out on her own, but putting out the first album on her own label has not been a smooth journey so far. “We released Pot Of Gold last October, but two weeks later the distributor Pinnacle went bust. We’ve only just had the chance to re-release these last few weeks.” Still, it’s a typically deep and funky affair, full of easyon-the-ears melodies and positive lyrics, and demonstrates why Russell is held in such high regard, particularly by her female fans, who love her spirited lust for life. But, it’s as a live performer that she excels, seizing the chance to indulge her passion for stage costumes and big bands. “We have 16 people on stage for the really big shows,” she says. “Horns, backing vocals, double keyboards, the lot. It’s a bit naughty, really!” Komedia, Wednesday 25 November.
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EVENTS | ART
Eventspreview
Arthighlights
> Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November >
> Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November >
Ole Skauge
Young At Heart by Doreen Kay, shortlisted for Best Overall Film Award
Using complimentary and contrasting colours to create movement, this Norwegian artist’s work often develops accidentally from the seed of an idea. Obsessed with the illusions of straight lines, he develops unintended shapes that jump out at the viewer. This exhibition of oil geometric and illusionist paintings is his first solo show. Ole Skauge, Red Roaster, St. James’s Street, 01273 686668. Until 31 December.
Gallery 100 OSKA BRIGHT FILM FESTIVAL
Run by and for people with learning difficulties, the Oska Bright Film Festival is a unique event on the national arts scene. With three successful festivals and two national tours under its belt, Oska Bright is set to return to Brighton this November on a much grander scale. Over the three-day event, you can catch 48 short films from individuals across the UK as well as contestants from Hungary, Canada and Belgium. Alongside this, the committee of nine learning disabled artists will provide masterclasses to encourage others to express themselves through the media of film, as well as awarding two Oska Bright Film Training Bursaries at the much anticipated awards ceremony on Thursday night. With the backing of learning disability arts organisation, Carousel, and community film makers, Junk TV, Oska Bright challenges all preconceptions and showcases some unique new talent. This festival is one of a kind. The Oska Bright Film Festival, 17–19 November, The Old Market, Upper Market Street, Hove, 01273 234734, www.oskabright.co.uk
Events highlights THROUGHOUT NOVEMBER Knitting Month Throughout November Hove Museum celebrates the revival of knitting and crochet. Workshops vary from learning the basics to enjoying the guidance of experienced designers and experimenting with new techniques. Admission to the museum is free but workshops will be charged for. Hove Museum, New Church Road, Hove 03000 290900 www.brighton-hove rpml.org.uk/Museums/hovemuseum
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20–23 NOVEMBER Dragons’ Den on Tour Dragons' Den, the hugely popular television programme, is touring around the UK, arriving this week in Brighton and Hove. A couple of the
infamous Dragons will be on hand to offer advice for anything from struggling, wellestablished firms to fresh, start-up businesses. They are also giving a select group of chosen people the chance to pitch a potential idea for possible advice and/or backing, if they see potential. The tour comes to Brighton on 20 November and will be based over three days at Brighton Racecourse. Applicants wishing to apply to pitch any ideas or seek advice for their South Coast leg of the tour should contact the roadshow manager: sarahlonghurst22@gmail.com Give details of your potential idea and, if you’re selected for entry, you will receive a downloadable application form. Brighton Racecourse, Freshfield Road, Brighton, 01273 603580 www.brighton-racecourse.co.uk
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2 COURSES AND A GLASS OF WINE
THE BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 698989 Bookings must be made in advance. Please mention this advert when booking. Terms and conditions: Must bring the coupon to claim – one coupon up to six people. Excludes Bank Holidays and Saturday evenings.
Jackie Field
An exhibition in a Solicitor’s reception area, no less, featuring etchings and monoprints by Darren Sherwood, woodcuts by Jackie Field, silver sundials and jewellery by Jackie Jones and mixed media works by Simeon Stout. Jackie Field’s work investigates the relationship of inside and outside space, including explorations of The British Museum and the Turbine Hall at Tate Modern. Gallery 100, DMH Stallard, 100 Queens Road, 01273 744205. Until 26 November
Drawn From Ditchling Paintings, caricatures, drawings, photographs, word and film, all drawn from Ditchling Museum’s collection, Portraits from A Sussex Village, celebrating the lives of Ditchling people and the artists who lived and worked there. Works from the famous artist Eric Gill are also featured, including a drawing of a local man, John Nye, who died in 1916 at the Somme. Drawn From Ditchling: Portraits From A Sussex Village, Ditchling Museum, 01273 844744. Until 13 December
Beatabet Enter a world of bureaucratic disorder and arcade amusements at WIN! WIN! WIN!, an interactive exhibition organised by the renowned Beatabet collective. Here, everyday experiences become funfair games and simple toys take on a menacing air of authority. Beatabet, WIN! WIN! WIN!, Phoenix Gallery, Waterloo Place, 01273 603700. Until 6 December
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COMEDY | FILM 25
Comedypreview > Tuesday 17 November to Monday 23 November >
Comedy listings TUESDAY 17 The Maydays The award-winning improvisors come to George Street, bringing the funny out of all of your suggestions. Bom-Banes Café, 7.30pm, £5/4
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WEDNESDAY 18 The Maydays The award-winning improvisors continue their tour of small spaces in Brighton and Hove, taking comedic inspiration from your suggestions. Sanctuary Cella, 8pm,£7
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THE HEE-HAS AT HOME
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n original idea is a dangerous thing, but blimmin’ valuable in this city overrun with festivals celebrating all that is creative. Which is why, when the Hee-Ha’s sprung onto the scene at the Brighton Fringe back in May with a very novel concept, they acquired a strong local following. An improvisation group that works with sketches, games and songs, they initially launched with Dial-A-Comedy, allowing punters to book an evening of revelry right into their own front rooms, entertaining their friends and family without ever having to leave the sofa. Now the group have bagged a sixmonth residency at Angel House on Brunswick Terrace (a Regency house that’s available to hire), moving their improvising to a very stately setting while preserving the living-room intimacy. If you fancy an evening of playing at being royalty, lounging in style while a show is created just for, and tailored by, the audience, get along to the Grosvenor Bar on Western Street before 8pm. One of the players will come to collect you and take you to Angel House, with the show due to start at around 8.30pm. Original thought. Who’d’a believed it? Pick up at Grosvenor Bar, Friday 20 November, 8pm, £6/5.
THURSDAY 19 Prince Arthur Comedy Night Free comedy comes to this friendly little pub just off Western Road. With Ben Pritchard, Vicky Nangle, Michael Mooney, Sue Gee, Andy Ward, Sha Wylie, Dan Harvey and Aidan Goatley. Compering duties performed by Richard Massing. Prince Arthur Pub, 8.30pm, free
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FRIDAY 20 Krater Comedy Club Award-winning comedy every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Eat, drink, watch and laugh as three top stand-ups and one of the best MCs on the comedy circuit entertain you. Featuring Nick Wilty, Al Barrie and Rob Deering, with MC Stephen Grant. Komedia, 7.30pm, £12.50/10 The Hee-Has At Home This group of Brighton-based performers create improvised comedy sketches, games and songs.
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Meet at the Grosvenor and you'll be collected by a performer and taken along to Angel House for comedy in a living room. Grosvenor Bar, 8pm, £6/5 The Trevor and Joey Show Stand-up, guests, sketches, video clips and rubbish mini-quizzes from Trevor Lock and Joey Page. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8.30pm, £7/5
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SATURDAY 21 Krater Comedy Club See Friday’s details. Komedia, 7pm & 10.30pm, £16.50. Laugh Down Babylon Gerry Bernstein hosts a night of comedy with Jason Blackwater, Rue Barrett, Taff, Dave Chawner, Sean McCoughlin and Alex Petrovic. Caroline of Brunswick, 9pm, £2 Laughing Horse Comedy Stand-up comedy from rising comedy star Imran Yusuf, with support from punster Nick Pettigrew, plus Gareth Morinan, Jonjo Rowlands and Luke Graves. With guest compere and Kiwi comic Kevin McCarron. With a late bar until 2am Quadrant, 8pm, £6/5
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SUNDAY 22 Krater Comedy Club See Friday. Komedia, 8pm, £10/6. The Maydays The award-winning improvisors continue their tour of small spaces in Brighton and Hove, taking comedic inspiration from your suggestions. Sanctuary Cella, 8pm, £7 The Noise Next Door Direct from their critically acclaimed, sell-out Edinburgh Fringe show, this charming fivesome will blow you away with their razor sharp improvised comedy. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £30
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Supported by
FILMS SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261
0871 224 4007
0871 200 2000 www.cineworld.co.uk
www.picturehouses.co.uk
www.odeon.co.uk
01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk
TUESDAY 17
TUESDAY 17
TUESDAY 17
TUESDAY 17
2010 (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00 An Education (12A) 11.45am Broken Embraces (15) 8.45 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.00, 8.30 A Christmas Carol 2D (PG) 12.15 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 12.10 The Fourth Kind (15) 6.30 Harry Brown (18) 2.10, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 12.30, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’ (PG) 2.30 5.45, 8.15 Up (U) 1.30, 4.00
Bright Star (PG) 1.30 (Silver Screen), 6.30 Dorian Gray (15) 11.00am (Silver Screen) Taking Woodstock (15) 4.00 (Silver Screen), 9.15
Amelia (PG) 1.40, 6.20 Bright Star (PG) 8.20 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 11.40, 4.00 Harry Brown (18) 1.20, 3.50, 6.15, 8.50 Jennifer’s Body (15) 8.40 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 12.00, 2.10, 4.30, 6.50, 9.05 2010 (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 3.45, 4.15, 7.15, 7.45 Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’ (PG) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Up 3D (U) 1.15, 3.30, 6.00
2010 (12A) 4.30, 8.00
WEDNESDAY 18 2010 (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00 An Education (12A) 11.45, 6.30 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.00, 8.30 A Christmas Carol 2D (PG) 12.15 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 12.10 The Fourth Kind (15) 8.45 Harry Brown (18) 2.10, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 12.30, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’ (PG) 2.30 5.45, 8.15 Up (U) 1.30, 4.00
THURSDAY 19 2010 (12A) 12.00, 1.00, 2.00, 3.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.00, 8.00, 9.00 An Education (12A) 11.45, 6.30 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.15, 3.45, 6.00, 8.30 A Christmas Carol 2D (PG) 12.15 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 12.10 The Fourth Kind (15) 8.45 Harry Brown (18) 2.10, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 12.30, 2.45, 5.15, 7.45 Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’ (PG) 2.30 5.45, 8.15 Twilight (12A) 9.45pm Up (U) 1.30, 4.00
Films showing Friday 20–Monday 23 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times
WEDNESDAY 18 Bright Star (PG) 1.30, 6.30 Dorian Gray (15) 11.00am (Big Scream) Taking Woodstock (15) 4.00, 9.15
THURSDAY 19 Bright Star (PG) 1.30, 4.00 Micmacs (no certificate) 6.30 (Cinecity launch) Taking Woodstock (15) 9.15
WEDNESDAY 18
A Serious Man (15) 4.15, 9.00, 11.15 (Late Show) Hour Glass Sanitorium (15) 1.30 (Cinecity) Howl’s Moving Castle (U) 11.00 (Kids’ Club) I’m Gonna Explode (15) 6.30 (Cinecity)
Amelia (PG) 1.40, 6.20 Bright Star (PG) 8.20 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 11.40, 4.00 Harry Brown (18) 1.20, 3.50, 6.15, 8.50 Jennifer’s Body (15) 8.40 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 12.00, 2.10, 4.30, 6.50, 9.05 2010 (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 3.45, 4.15, 7.15, 7.45 Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’ (PG) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Up 3D (U) 1.15, 3.30, 6.00
SUNDAY 22
THURSDAY 19
A Serious Man (15) 4.15, 9.30 Outrage (no certificate) 7.00 (Cinecity) The Last Station (15) 6.30 (Cinecity) The Saragossa Manuscript (15) 1.00 (Cinecity)
Amelia (PG) 1.40, 6.20 Bright Star (PG) 8.20 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 11.40, 4.00 Harry Brown (18) 1.20, 3.50, 6.15, 8.50 Jennifer’s Body (15) 8.40 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 12.00, 2.10, 4.30, 6.50, 9.05 2010 (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 3.45, 4.15, 7.15, 7.45 Michael Jackson’s ‘This Is It’ (PG) 12.30, 3.10, 5.50, 8.30 Up 3D (U) 1.15, 3.30, 6.00
FRIDAY 20 A Serious Man (15) 6.15, 8.30 The Limits Of Control (15) 11.15pm (Cinecity) (Late Show)
SATURDAY 21
MONDAY 23 A Serious Man (15) 1.00, 3.30, 9.00 Humpday (CFF-15) 6.30 (Cinecity) In The Night Garden: The Pontipines Find Igglepiggle’s Blanket (U) 11.00am No Greater Love (U) 8.00
Films showing Friday 20–Monday 23 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times
WEDNESDAY 18 2010 (12A) 1.30, 8.00
THURSDAY 19 2010 (12A) 4.30, 8.00
FRIDAY 20 2010 (12A) 4.30, 8.00
SATURDAY 21 2010 (12A) 1.00, 4.30, 8.00 Shorts (PG) 10.15am
SUNDAY 22 2010 (12A) 1.00, 4.30, 8.00
MONDAY 23 2010 (12A) 8.00 The Apartment(PG) 2.00
A Christmas Carol
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GAY LISTINGS
Gaylistings > Tuesday 17 to Monday 23 November >
>highlight FLAUNCY FRIDAY. The doctor will be serving up some commercial house and dance treats, lovingly administered by your resident nurse, Ms Masters. This hugely talented, hot female DJ on the circuit has a talent for gathering riots of bopping men and women and a insatiable taste for dirty martinis. Come get innoculated. Friday 20 November, Doctor Brightons
DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday. Filthy funky dance and house. 9.30pm–2am, free LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Q & A. Playing Indie, electro, soul, punk, and classics. 5pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Camp Attack + Karaoke. Handbag, commercial and camp tunes. 9pm, free R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE X Factor Fridays. Will JEdward do it again or will they get the two-footed boot!? See the next evictee here! 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Double the DJ power with Peter Castle playing girly pop & handbag tracks all night long. 11pm–4am, free THE Zone Krissie Du Cann's Children In Need Night. 9.30pm, free
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TUESDAY 17 AMSTERDAM Karaoke with Ms Desdimona. 9pm, free CHARLES STREET BAR Two’s Company. Double dose of cabaret with Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Bring The Noise. Dare to share your own MP3 playerlists and chill out with your own music.. 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free R BAR Twisted Karaoke. With mistress Cat 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Sound As A Pound. Deck Heroine LadyBex throws out ’80s, ’90s, ’00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a hefty raffle prize! 10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! 11pm–4am, free
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WEDNESDAY 18 AMSTERDAM The Piano Bar. Mark Russell woos the crowds with his special blend of music. 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Student Night. Can’t cook? Won’t cook? Never fear, drink and pizza promos for NUS all night! 6pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Anything Goes! 12pm, free R-BAR The Midweek Shuffle. Brighton’s hottest new DJ, Zack Hadley rocks R-Bar with cheesy pop, chart, ’90s dance and club. 12pm–2am THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free
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SATURDAY 21 AMSTERDAM A-List. Boutique clubbing with DJ Hollie spinning some fabulous soulful house sessions. 9pm–1am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Mardi Gras. HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex. 11pm–3am, £5/3. LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Girls Rock On. Spinning their own selection of music by the Women we love! 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Miss Hap + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin ’til midnight! Bar open 12pm, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous. Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics. 10.30pm–5am, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. 11pm–4am, free THE PV AT THE JURY’S OUT Booty Call. The Fondue Inferno is back! Playing Disco Funk, 8.30pm, free ‘80s, ‘90s and the Noughties! THE ZONE Presents...Sally Vate. 9.30pm, free
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SUNDAY 22
THURSDAY 19 CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL – My Cow Is On Fire. Funky house across two floors. Plus cheap as Primark Pants drinks deals! 8pm–3am, £1 (goes to charity) DOCTOR BRIGHTONS DJ Competition. Let the deck-duelling commence as undiscovered DJ talent battle for your votes! 1pm, free LEGENDS Absolut Karaoke with Tammy Twinkle. 9.30pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls on Top Party. Richard Jones sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Girls On Top. Deck Heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £5/4 after THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. 11pm–4am, free
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FRIDAY 20 AMSTERDAM Speed dating for men 7.30pm, £18 CHARLES STREET BAR Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3
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AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch + Connie’s Karaoke. 12pm–1am, free DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Recovery Room + Electro Therapy. A concoction of funky and dirty electro house on prescription! 8pm, free. LEGENDS Sunday Cabaret. 3.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Big Gay Quiz. 7pm, £1 entry QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Karen Noble + Betty’s Karaoke. 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays and Barmy Bingo. 12pm–2am, free THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes. 11pm–4am, free
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MONDAY 23 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin all the best party tracks spanning the last four decades. 10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS DWNN Monday Gangbang. A night filled with song, sketches and chat. 11am–5am, free R-BAR A Dave Lynn Spectacular. 10pm, free QUEENS ARMS Deal or No Deal Drinks + Karaoke. 8pm–1am, free THE BASEMENT Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm-4am, free
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REVIEWS
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L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk FORKBEARD FANTASY: THE COLOUR OF NONSENSE A simple set belied the fantastical mixed-media fest that was to come with this comical thriller. Three main characters, Splash, Line and Scuro, used quirky sound and visual projections to enact a tale about the theft of a priceless invisible artwork – and explored perception, creativity and the imagination en route. With canny prop use, impressive pen and ink storyboards, fun animations and neat nods to The Emperor’s New Clothes and ‘nonsense poet’ Edward Lear, this was very funny, very clever, very arty and very engaging. A fantasmagorical piece of theatre from the acclaimed Forkbeard Fantasy company, it more than deserves all the hype. Brilliant. Sallis Benney Theatre, 4 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni
this show, when Lyn Paul, Sean Jones, Anna Sambrooks and Simon Willmont blew the entire house away. The entire company brought an energy that had the audience rapt, with barely a whisper from start to finish and a massive ovation with almost all standing at the end. Lyn Paul’s portrayal of Mrs Johnson was the highlight. The woman can sing for sure; her voice has real power and precision – but she can also act with an emotional power that had most of us in tears. Theatre Royal, 9 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay
PERE FAURA A brief, potent meditation on the art of striptease by award-winning performance artist Pere Faura incorporated an elegant, and eloquent, mix of dance, lecture and film. Faura has charm and energy in abundance and his witty analysis of the mental, physical and emotional components of stripping intrigued and delighted the audience – some of whom found themselves participating in the show, having been filmed during its opening moments. The point that successful striptease demands physical distance between performer and audience to fully realise the erotic potential of the act was well made and cunningly communicated. A heady and invigorating forty-five minutes, which appealed equally to the heart and mind. The Basement, 12 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Gary Mepsted
PORTICO QUARTET Former nominees of the esteemed Mercury Music Prize, this tightknit London outfit fuse jazzy rhythms with a world music sensibility. Based around repetitive double bass grooves and the 'hang' instrument (which sounds like a cross between a xylophone and a glockenspiel), their moody and atmospheric instrumental vignettes are pleasing enough, although perhaps lacking a little bit of progression in places. Cinematic, textured and often easy on the ear, this quartet are at the forefront of the nu-jazz movement. Old Market, 8 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Jeff Hemmings
BLOOD BROTHERS Willy Russell’s hit musical is amongst my top five but recent tours have never matched the original production with Barbara Dickson. That is, until
JIMJEFFERIES Jim was late, arriving on stage pint in hand to open with his thoughts on Michael Jackson’s death. Yep, he lived up to his reputation of not shying away from controversy, also allowing his material to cover his own molestation as a child and a 22minute story about getting a severely disabled friend of his to a prostitute. There were no taboos. But equally, there was no ill-conceived idea. Jim knew his material and had honed it so that laughs were always nearby, no matter how dark the subject matter, which was always treated with respect. The lunacy of the world and living in it is his material, along with old stories of a much-loved Michael McIntyre from the comedy circuit. A great performance by Jim, if a little late to stage and a tad worse for wear. Komedia, 12 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Victoria Nangle
Do you disagree with our verdict on one of these shows? comment@thelatest.co.uk
BEST MEDICINE MICHAEL MCINTYRE Brighton Centre, 7 November ✪✪✪✪✪
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fter he cancelled his Thursday night show due to illness, and with no show scheduled on the Friday, there was some doubt as to how well Saturday night might go for Michael MicIntyre – if it went at all. But the great thing about someone so intrinsically funny is that, even when things seem to be going wrong for them, everything’s still going right for us. McIntyre felt fuzzy headed, but we never would have known. Then, near the end of the first half, a boisterous audience member pointed out the comedian’s fly was undone. And had been for the entire show. His ad libs, surrender to (and embracing of) the circumstances and even momentary forgetting of the word ‘microphone’ all served to endear and entertain. Flipping around to try and catch himself in the big projected screens and ‘skeaping’ (his own invention, crossing leaping and skipping) onto stage, Michael is a very energetic performer. So it’s hardly a surprise that, when ill, he can’t just ‘soldier through’.
This was immensely physical and, as ever, incredibly joyful. McIntyre has a vigour and sense of enjoyment to his set that bolsters his already strong material. Although touching on familiar subjects – ranging from what to do with an awkward arm when snuggling to good weight intentions – his enthusiasm and audience connection, even in the massive Brighton Centre, brought an overwhelming likeability factor. This has, with some, brought about a backlash against him that’s completely unwarranted. He works hard; he’s incredibly fresh despite feeling almost middle of the road in his overwhelmingly broad appeal, and he wants everyone to have a good time. He’s not afraid to laugh at himself and not vicious enough to laugh too heartily at anyone else. This was pure entertainment. At the encore McIntyre confessed that Brighton is always his toughest gig on any tour he’s done. Maybe that’s why it felt like he had worked extra hard for us. Victoria Nangle
>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance? Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk
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SPORT | TV
L7 Sport
L7 TV
YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE
17–23 NOVEMBER
Plain sailing
Telly Talk
Comedian Zoe Lyons braves the Lagoon
With Victoria Nangle
I
Hart’s TV transplant
have often looked out to sea and spied the sail boats darting across the water and thought to myself, I wish I could do that. In my wilder daydreams I have pictured myself copper tanned and deck-shoe clad, bobbing around the Med in my yacht, ‘Zozo One’ – an ambitious dream perhaps for someone who, up to last week, couldn’t tell her astern from her main sail. Well, I can proudly say I am now one step closer to my fantasy after completing the RYA Level 1, Start Sailing Course at Hove Lagoon – and I have the rope burns to prove it. Many a time I have passed the Lagoon in the car and thought, ‘I really must go there one day’. But the thought has usually dissipated by the time I have driven past the giant Prawn on the side of the A259 on route to Shoreham, and I’m off dreaming of giant prawn sandwiches. Well, last month I actually managed to stay focused on one thing long enough to book myself and my pal on a two-day basic sailing course. Despite it being the end of October, the weather was mercifully mild. We were well kitted out in helmets and wetsuits. I’ll be honest, folks, the helmet-wetsuit combo is not a good look. I felt like the last black pudding in the shop.
“I’ll be honest, folks, the helmet-wetsuit combo is not a good look. I felt like the last black pudding in the shop” My pal and I had no previous sailing experience – I was a big fan of The Love Boat in the ’80s but apparently that doesn’t count. Our instructor ran us through some basic techniques on shore on the single-sail lasers we would learn on. These are the simplest form of rigged boats, small, light and nibble. Manoeuvring these vessels requires a bit of co-ordination and co-ordination is not my forte: I have fallen over before trying to put my shoes on. But within half an hour we were afloat in our own boats and let loose on the Lagoon – and within seconds of that maiden voyage I had capsized face first. The beauty of learning here, though, is that the water is only waist-deep – there is a bit of swan poo, but it is waist-deep none the less. So getting back in the boat is a doddle, and knowing that gives one the confidence to try without worrying too much about getting it wrong. Over the two days we got to grips with the basics of sailing, a sport that I definitely want to pursue having had this taster course. It really is a joy to whizz along the water under the power of the wind. The staff were great, our instructor so patient and encouraging even when I managed to hit his boat and make him capsize – like I said, I’m not that co-ordinated! You can find out about upcoming courses at www.lagoon.co.uk. If you have ever dreamt of learning to sail, then I urge you give it a go, especially when we have such a great centre on our doorstep. I am off to buff my deck shoes – and try not to fall over when I put them on.
Miranda, BBC2 Monday
T
he sitcom vehicle for hopeful comics turned actor/writers is not an unusual sight. It’s the chosen route of many an American comic, a step on the career path to movie wingman and eventual world domination. However, it does usually have a rather conservative format, with the imminent danger that the bits we loved about the star as a stand-up will get squeezed out in a bid to make them conform to the sitcomshaped hole the powers that be are trying to fill. Good on Miranda Hart for digging her heels in and keeping it a Miranda-shaped hole! Structured more like an elaborate shaggy dog story, with all of the attendant side avenues and red herring distractions along the way, Miranda is a delight as it keeps its protagonist aimless and childish with impulse control at a minimum. While occasional asides to the camera firmly root it in the storytelling tradition, eccentricity couples wonderfully with the everyday disappointments we all know – from accidentally
externalising an internal monologue to trying to get out of a seemingly fascistic gym membership. Add to that the rather debilitating knack of singing at job interviews when nervous, and you’ve got someone who’s highly entertaining and at the same time makes you feel like a bit less of a doofus yourself – or at least, makes me feel that way. I don’t know about the rest of you but my impulse control ability has headed off all manner of embarrassing adventures at the pass. Miranda is a semi-somebody (bit parts in other sitcoms and a stint on Comic Relief’s Fame Academy), and I expected her sitcom to be a more middle of the road affair, specifically targeted to appeal to middle-income ‘silly sausages’. A bit like Lee Mack and Tim Vine’s Not Going Out, in which Miranda Hart had a recurring role. This is better. Utilising the sixfoot-plus lady’s brilliant physical comedy and self-assured funny bone, this is what those crossovers aim for. A funny comic still being funny on TV.
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tuesday 17 How To Look Good Naked Channel 4, 8pm As much as it’s easy to have fun with Gok-isms (five points per ‘banger’, ten for every ‘bazunga’), he does a good thing each week in making someone who clearly doesn’t like the look of themselves feel happier about how they appear. This week it’s Rachel, who’s convinced her tall frame makes her look like a man.
CSI: Miami Five, 9pm How much wood could a woodchipper chip if a confused plastic surgeon fell into it? Not so much. They have to turn it off when that happens. Luckily Horatio is on hand to look into his unhappy past and even unhappier client list. Including one fellow we thought was sort of dead-ish and not too keen on H’s ex. Lummee!
House Sky 1, 10pm You know how after a bit you’ve got a suspicion that you might know just as much as the teacher – if not more? This is why instances like this come along. To ground you into knowing the natural order. House, Cuddy and Wilson are away so the team reckon they can do just as well without them. Not so sure.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.35 Eliot Kid 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Charlie And Lola 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Geography 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Telling Tales 11.35 Telling Tales 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm Animal Park 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Open House 2.15 Crisis Claims And Cons 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia is joined by the saved couple and we take a look at the highs and lows of the weekend’s dances in Choreography Corner. 7.00 Ray Mears Northern Wilderness Ray Mears goes on an epic adventure into Canada’s unforgiving, yet inspiring landscape. 8.00 James May’s Toy Stories James attempts to build the biggest Scalextric track in the world, nearly three miles long, on the site of Britain’s oldest grand prix track. 9.00 Horizon: How Long Is A Piece Of String? Alan Davies attempts to answer the proverbial question: how long is a piece of string? But what appears to be a simple task soon turns into a mindbending voyage of discovery where nothing is as it seems. 10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools on the music show is David Gray, Annie Lennox, The Decemberists, Corinne Bailey Rae, The Big Pink, and Rox. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Berlin Documentary series telling the story of Berlin – a clash of ideas that shaped the modern world. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize: Shakespeare 4.30 Speakers And Listeners 5.00 Powerful Texts
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls
6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 Sali Mali 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 British Made 12.45 Back To You 1.15 FILM: Planet Of The Apes (1968) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Getting On The Property Ladder 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Floyd’s India 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Property List: Top Spots 3.05 FILM: Undue Influence (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours
6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00pm Netbusters 1.30 Irish Football 3.00 Extra Time 3.30 Netbusters 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 2009 7.00 Football Asia 7.30 LIVE: Under-21 International Football 10.00 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 2009 11.00 NFL – America’s Game 12.00am Under-21 International Football 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Under-21 International Football 3.55 LIVE Test Cricket
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain is caught off guard when Charity calls his bluff. Dingle Vs Dingle. Always entertaining. 7.30 Grimefighters Series following Britain’s clean-up crews. A developer’s dream turns into a nightmare when Rob and Rob find squatters and rats living in the building. In perfect harmony? 8.00 John Sergeant On The Tourist Trail John meets tourists visiting the UK in search of history and tradition. A group of Americans have come for Ladies’ Day at Ascot – but have their expectations been raised too high by scenes from My Fair Lady? 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec bring you all the action from the jungle. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Fiddles, Cheats & Scams Morland Sanders presents the second of two programmes revealing some of the nation’s more colourful, cheeky and sometimes charming fraudsters. 11.35 In Plain Sight Drama about a US Marshal. Jesus Moreno enters witness protection in order to testify against a mob boss, but his teenage daughter Olivia is not pleased. 12.30am Grand Slam Of Darts Highlights 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste refuses to speak to Amy. An adult parental response. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2009 Awards celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers from around the world. 8.00 How To Look Good Naked See highlights. 9.00 The Queen In 3D Documentary including newly discovered 3D footage taken of the Queen at the bustling 1953 Derby. Other films show the industrial rebuilding of post-war Britain as farmland was transformed by gleaming factories and cavernous coal mines. 10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word Two French restaurants go head to head as Gordon travels to Paris to learn about croissants. Kelly Brook takes on the Recipe Challenge with her stuffed Greek peppers. Please restrain yourself from hammy puns about Kelly’s stuffed peppers. 11.05 Jimmy Carr In Concert Award-winning comedian Jimmy Carr takes to the stage in front of a packed house at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre. 12.40am FILM: Flesh For Frankenstein In 3D (1973) 2.35 Gillette World Sport 3.00 Rat Race Urban Adventure (x3) 4.25 Freesports On 4: Freeze 5.20 GT4 European Cup 5.50 Freesports On 4
6.00 Home And Away Charlie refuses to believe Angelo’s allegations about Hugo. Is he a bad, bad man? Everybody – sing it! 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. Baby woolly monkey Paulo is tempted outside by some delicious bugs, and everyone is enjoying onions in the capuchin enclosure. Our invite to this delicious party was obviously lost. 8.00 Sea Patrol UK Documentary series charting the work of the elite teams that patrol the English Channel. 9.00 CSI: Miami See highlights. 10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. A man falls from media tycoon Robert Dunbrook’s window following a fight, but the body suddenly disappears. Shifty. Geddit?! 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Grissom investigates the brutal death of a jogger, apparently killed by a large animal. Catherine becomes convinced that a young girl’s death at an amusement park was no accident. 12.00am The FBI Files 12.55 SuperCasino 3.00 PGA Tour Golf 3.55 Ironman Triathlon 4.45 Boxing Classic 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home & Away
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6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Sam and Jack’s secret smoulders, but the real fireworks explode when Roxy finds out. He just loves a Mitchell girl. 8.00 Holby City Medical drama. While Joseph is away from the ward, secretly obtaining the toxicology report on Archie’s death, a patient goes into crisis and Elliot has to step in. Joseph has to accept responsibility and prove himself to Elliot with another patient. 9.00 Around The World In 80 Days It’s the final leg and actors Shane Richie and Josie Lawrence bring the 80 days relay to a close. Shane with their 36ft motor home and disaster looms in the form of Hurricane Bill. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Anish Kapoor is one of the most influential sculptors of his generation, known for works of staggering complexity and scale. Alan Yentob follows him through a period of intense productivity. 11.25 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross Jonathan reviews films. Lots. 11.55 The Graham Norton Show 12.40am Weatherview 12.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.15 Around The World In 80 Days 2.15 Saving Britain’s Past 2.45 Jimmy’s Food Factory 3.15 Natural World 4.05News
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Golf Special 10.00 Irish Football 11.30 Netbusters 12.00pm Spruce Meadows 2.00 Formula Kart Stars 2.30 Sailing 3.00 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 5.00 Golf Special 6.00 Sporting Ireland 6.30 Formula Kart Stars 7.00 Sailing 7.25 LIVE: Rugby Union Special 9.30 Sporting Ireland 10.00 Poker Million 12.00am Rugby Union Special 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 10.00 Women’s Pool 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Golf Special 1.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Spruce Meadows 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Powder Adventures 7.30 LIVE: Greyhound Racing 10.00 World Matchplay Bowls 12.00am Pool: World Pool Masters 1.00 European Blackball Championship 4.00 Close
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2.00pm Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Universe 9.00 Fringe 10.00 House. See highlights. 11.00 Lie To Me 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Oops TV 2.15 Ross Kemp On Gangs
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday 8.00 Mad About The House 9.00 Young Butcher Of The Year 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Don’t Get Screwed 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Young Butcher Of The Year 12.45am Mad About The House 1.45 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.45 Bizarre Animal ER 3.15 Don’t Get Screwed
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Talking Landscapes 8.00 Life 9.00 Hi Society The Wonderful World Of Nicky Haslam: Storyville 10.00 It’s Only A Theory 10.30 FILM: Beaufort (2007) 12.35am Classic Albums 1.25 Wild Boys: The Story Of Duran Duran 2.15 Hi Society - The Wonderful World Of Nicky Haslam: Storyville
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Gossip Girl 8.00 Peter Andre: The Next Chapter 9.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: Catwoman (2004) 1.05am Emmerdale
1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The Darling Buds Of May 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 David Jason Frost And Me 9.05 A Touch Of Frost 11.10 A Touch Of Frost 1.10am Wycliffe
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.35 Beehive 12.05am How I Met Your Mother
3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Ruth Watson’s Hotel Rescue 10.00 True Stories: Which Way Home 11.55 Ruth Watson’s Hotel Rescue
11.00am Highly Dangerous (1950) 12.45pm Bullwhip (1958) 2.20 Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 5.05 The Grass Is Greener (1960) 7.10 Baby’s Day Out (1994) 9.00 The Escapist (2008) 11.00 House Of Flying Daggers (2004) 1.15am Kamikaze Girls (2004) 3.30 Close
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wednesday 18 Celebrating The Carpenters ITV1, 7.30pm As much as you may have banished the ballad-singing Carpenters to the wardrobe filled with unicorns and afternoon Five drama-of-the-week specials, they wrote some darn good tunes – as shown tonight by Chrissie Hynde, The Saturdays, Noisettes, Beverley Knight and loads more. They’ve only just begun. Sorry.
Spooks BBC1, 9pm The thing about Spooks is that, when one of our top bods ends up in peril, it truly is that – each series we’ve lost at least one fond cast member to the axis of evil. Tonight, Ros looks like she’s in a pretty pickle as she is taken hostage by terrorists while undercover. Lot of them about, it seems. Will she make it out?
Film: Batman And Robin Film4, 6.40pm By far the campest Batman film of the ‘90s – he had rubber nipples on his batsuit! He also has the most friends – let’s have a party! So much for the reclusive millionaire, he’s got Robin and Batgirl living with him now, and Arnie’s Mr Freeze and Uma Thurman’s Poison Ivy to battle against. Lovely!
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 10.30 State Opening Of Parliament 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.35 Eliot Kid 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Keep Your Enemies Close 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Sofa Surfers 8.30 Tommy Zoom 8.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Charlie And Lola 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.05 FILM: Odd Man Out (1947) 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Lifeline 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.40 Flog It! 4.25 Are You An Egghead? 5.10 Escape To The Country 5.55 Queen’s Speech Broadcast 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two We take a peek into the training rooms to find out how our couples are shaping up for the weekend. 7.00 The Fastest Steam Car In The World An eccentric team of British engineers attempt to break the longest-standing land speed record in the world in a steam-powered car built in a shed in Hampshire. Whoa! 7.30 Railway Walks Julia Bradbury takes a series of walks. 8.00 Top Gear Repeat of Sunday’s episode. 9.00 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain The fourth film in Andrew Marr’s epic six-part series charting the events that shaped Britain. In the 1920s, Imperial Britannia slid from view and a more modern Britain tried everything new, as a great age of experiment arrived in politics, writing, art, sex and drugs. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic, award-winning pop quiz. The show is hosted by actor Martin Freeman, with team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 A Portrait Of Scotland Actor Peter Capaldi explores the story of Scotland’s art. 12.50am An Island Parish1.20News 4.00 KS3 English Curriculum Bites
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls
6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Great British Brands 12.45 Back To You 1.15 FILM: The Pink Panther (1963) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.55 Queen’s Speech Broadcast By The Labour Party By the Labour Party. Or is it the Queen? Confused. 7.00 Emmerdale A scheming Sally digs into Laurel’s memory of the fire. Does she never stop, the harpy?! 7.30 Celebrating The Carpenters See highlights. 8.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! How are our bunch of foolhardy celebrities getting through another day in the jungle? Today one of them must face a terrifying Live Bushtucker Trial in order to win extra food for the camp. Will they succeed in getting dinner for their campmates, or will the group be stuck with rice and beans? Nothing wrong with the dinner of champion students. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 In The Line Of Fire Ken Stott narrates the conclusion of a two-part documentary that follows CO19 – the firearms division of the Metropolitan Police, charged with tackling London’s gun criminals. Scary biscuits! Best to stay beside the seaside in relative safety. 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 12.30am Grand Slam Of Darts Highlights 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 999 Out Of Time: Tonight 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Kris, Elliot and Zak are becoming fed up with working at the call centre. Steph is reluctant to let an unwell Tom stay with Jake. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2009 Awards celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers. 8.00 Country House Revisited Businesswoman Ruth Watson catches up with the owners of Albury Park, Nigel and Jennifer Whalley, who asked for her help in clawing back millions of pounds in debt. 9.00 The Family Eight-part observational series. Shay and Sunny’s wedding preparations are in full swing, but a despondent Shay has yet to convince her own family to make an appearance on her big day. 10.00 True Blood Fantasy drama series set in a society where humans and vampires co-exist. Jason goes on the hunt for more V, a search which leads him to Fangtasia. Watching Jason try to be ‘subtle’ is pure joy. 11.15 Generation Kill Drama. Having reached Baghdad, Bravo Team is shocked at the size of the city. 12.35am 4 Music: 360 Sessions 1.10 4Play: Low Anthem 1.25 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Girls Aloud 2.25 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 4.10 Late One Night 4.25 The Class 4.50 Switched 5.15 St Elsewhere
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.45 The WotWots 8.55 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Getting On The Property Ladder 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Floyd’s India 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Property List: Top Spots 3.05 FILM: Loving Evangeline (1998) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Hugo turns up the pressure on Ruby about her alibi. But she’s such a nice girl! 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland. 8.00 Britain’s Best Brain Quiz show with Zoe Ball and Jamie Theakston. Competitors tackle five tasks that have been scientifically created to test different functions of the brain. 9.00 FILM: Swordfish (2001) Starring John Travolta, Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Don Cheadle, Sam Shepherd and Vinnie Jones. Stylish and fast-paced action thriller about a computer hacker who is persuaded by a suave master spy to help steal billions of dollars from an illegal government fund. Unable to afford the legal fees to gain access to his young daughter, the hacker readily agrees to take part in the high-tech heist It’s all about faa-amily! 11.05 Shops, Robbers And Videotape Documentary series following police across Britain as they tackle shoplifters. 12.05am PartyPoker.com World Open V 1.30 SuperCasino 3.00 2009 Summer X Games 3.55 Seniors Tour Golf 4.45 Boxing Classic 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 2009 12.30pm Football Asia 1.00 Under-21 International Football 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am To Be Announced 1.30 Poker Million 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 You’re On Sky Sports 5.30 European Tour Weekly
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 6.55 Queen’s Speech Broadcast The Government outlines its legislative programme for the coming year. What’s that got to do with the Queen?! 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Jimmy’s Food Factory Jimmy Doherty attempts to mix his own cola syrup and inject some fizz and also tries to make shaped potato snacks. What kind of shapes? 8.00 Waterloo Road Luke has a day from hell when the pupils find out about his family life 9.00 Spooks See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws The midweek National Lottery draws. 10.45 Make Me An MP John Smeaton, the ex-baggage handler who foiled a terrorist attack on Glasgow airport, took on his biggest challenge yet when he stood as an independent MP in the Glasgow North East by-election. 11.25 FILM: A Simple Plan (1999) Starring Bill Paxton, Billy Bob Thornton, Bridget Fonda, Gary Cole. Thriller about three men who find millions of dollars in a plane wreck. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: James May’s Toy Stories 2.25 Country Tracks 3.20 Antiques Roadshow 4.20 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 11.00 Poker Million 1.00pm Rugby Union Special 3.00 Poker Million 5.00 Golf: Ladies European Tour 6.00 Sailing 6.30 Asian Tour Weekly 7.00 Golf: HSBC Champions Official Film 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Golf: HSBC Champions Official Film 11.00 Golf: Ladies European Tour 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 Asian Tour Weekly 1.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 3.00 Golf: HSBC Champions Official Film 3.55 LIVE Test Cricket
Sky Sports 3 6.00am European Blackball Championship 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Rugby Union Special 10.00 Women’s Pool 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Sporting Ireland 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Women’s Pool 2.00 Hong Kong Cricket Sixes 2009 3.00 World Matchplay Bowls 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Athletics 8.00 Golf: PGA EuroPro Tour 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00am Athletics 1.00 Bowls 3.00 Athletics 4.00 Golf: Ladies European Tour 5.00 Close
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1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 NCIS: LA 10.00 Law And Order 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Street Wars 2.40 Lovespring International
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who: Top 5 Christmas Moments 8.00 Doctor Who 9.00 FILM: Look Who’s Talking (1989) 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 Spooks 12.15am Don’t Get Screwed 12.45 Mad About The House 1.45 Russell Howard’s Good News 2.10 Britain’s Really Disgusting Food: Fish
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky At Night Special 8.00 Mars: A Horizon Guide 9.00 Where Is Modern Art Now? 10.00 Flight Of The Conchords 10.25 It’s Only A Theory 10.55 Wallander 12.25am Mark Lawson Talks To Sir Ranulph Fiennes 1.25 It’s Only A Theory 1.55 Mars: A Horizon Guide
3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 7.30 Gossip Girl 8.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: The Break-Up (2006) 1.10am Emmerdale
1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The Darling Buds Of May 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May 7.55 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 David Jason Frost And Me 9.05 A Touch Of Frost (x2) 1.10am Cane 1.55 On The Buses
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Wedding Planner (2001) 11.00 Misfits 12.05am How I Met Your Mother 12.35 Scrubs (x2)
2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Gerry’s Big Decision 11.05 Saving Grace 12.10am Time
11.00am Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 1.20pm Sea Wife (1957) 3.05 The Iron Petticoat (1956) 4.55 Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) 6.40 Batman And Robin (1997). See highlights. 9.00 Little Nicky (2000) 10.40 Tokyo Sonata (2008) 1.00am One For The Road (2003)
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thursday 19 Children In Need Rocks The Royal Albert Hall BBC1, 8pm In case somehow you’ve been living on the Moon this week, it’s Children In Need tomorrow night. To get you in the mood, Gary Barlow has put together this starstudded knees-up, hosted by Chris Moyles and including Lily Allen, Dizzee Rascal, Leona Lewis, Mika, Peter Kay and Take That.
Wonderland: Can We Get Married? BBC2, 9.50pm The documentary series takes up the story of Emma and Ben, a couple very much in love and living in a supported community in Devon. They both have Down’s syndrome and, as such, want to know if getting married will be a romantic dream or a terrible strain. Don’t we all?
Hung More4, 10pm We know that at many events an escort can make a lady feel more relaxed and at ease, but surely taking your man who does EVERYTHING to a counselling session is going beyond the call of duty for your average everyday gigolo. Which is why Jemma gets in a bit of strife over escort service protocols. Y’think?!
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.35 Eliot Kid 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Raven 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 9.25am Children’s television 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Charlie And Lola 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.20 Science Clips Investigates 11.30 Barnaby Bear 11.50 Difference And Discrimination 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Open House 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.40 Flog It! 4.25 Are You An Egghead? 5.10 Escape To The Country 5.55 Queen’s Speech Response 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two The programme gets the latest gossip from the training rooms. 7.00 The Culture Show Mark Kermode presents from Aardman studios in Bristol to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Wallace and Gromit’s first outing. 8.00 The Restaurant The five remaining couples get a lesson in seasonality. Before their restaurants open for evening service, Raymond Blanc sets them a challenge. They must use only fresh, local and seasonal produce to make dishes to sell at a local farmers’ market. 9.00 Natural World Wildlife documentary. In the small African kingdom of Swaziland, the black mamba is a snake both feared and revered. During summer, these elegant yet lethal snakes turn up everywhere and people are bitten every week. Enter Thea LitschkaKoen, a mum and hotel manager who has become known affectionately as the white witch. 9.50 Wonderland: Can We Get Married? See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Alan Whicker’s Journey Of A Lifetime Whicker completes the final leg of his trip by returning to Hong Kong. 12.20am BBC News 4.00 Youth And Community Justice 5.00 Class Clips
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls
6.05am The Treacle People 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Without A Trace 1.20 FILM: The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00am Total Rugby 6.30 Golf: HSBC Champions Official Film 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 LLIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Total Rugby 1.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.00 To Be Announced 3.30 Football Asia 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 LIVE LPGA Tour Golf 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Barclays Premier League World 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Time Of Our Lives
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.55 Queen’s Speech Broadcast By The Conservative Party By the Conservative Party. Who else? 7.00 Emmerdale With Cain’s suspicions growing by the minute, will Charity seize her opportunity? 7.30 River Monsters Extreme angler Jeremy Wade goes on the hunt for killer catfish, as he follows stories of a man swallowed whole by a giant fish. Called Jonah? 8.00 Emmerdale Charity is left squirming when Chas catches her red-handed. 8.30 Coronation Street Tony finally hands himself in to the police – and Maria is left distraught by his confession. You were right, love. 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec bring you more jungle japes and stomach-churning challenges from camp. There must be a foul-looking picture in their attic. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Vinnie Jones Hollywood star and ex-bad boy footballer Vinnie Jones talks to Piers Morgan. Repeat of Saturday’s show. 11.35 The Last Word A political show with MPs and other guests. 12.05am October Road 1.00 Grand Slam Of Darts 1.50 Motorsport UK 2.40 Loose Women 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Darren loses his job following the incident with Tom. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2009 8.00 River Cottage Hungry rabbits are decimating Hugh’s winter vegetables, so he decides to enlist expert help. Elmer Fudd?! Please let it be so! He’s an excellent wabbit hunter and no mistake. 9.00 Confessions Of A Traffic Warden Cameras follow rookie traffic wardens on London’s streets as they enforce Westminster Council’s parking regulations. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan will be joined on the sofa by Mighty Boosh star Noel Fielding and Mariah Carey, who will also be performing her single ‘I Want to Know What Love Is...’ With two husbands and that many ballads, you’d think she could tell us. 10.50 Without A Trace American drama series about the FBI Missing Persons Squad. While Jack fights for his life in hosiptal, the team searches for a teenager. 11.45 Friends 12.15am Friends 12.45 FILM: 13 Conversations About One Thing (2001) 2.35 Unreported World 3.00 Dispatches: Inside Britain’s Israel Lobby 3.55 King Of The Hill 4.20 The Class 4.45 Switched 5.10 St Elsewhere
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.45 The WotWots 8.55 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Getting On The Property Ladder 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Floyd’s India 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Property List: Top Spots 3.05 FILM: Vickery’s Wild Ride (2009) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Rachel returns with a plan for the future. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Building The Ultimate This episode looks at the wonders of spacecraft technology and features testimony from experts at NASA and the Russian Space Agency. 8.00 Building The Super Tower: Megastructures This instalment investigates the construction of the Bahrain World Trade Centre, the first skyscraper in the world to be powered by wind turbines incorporated into the building’s design. 9.00 FILM: In The Line Of Fire (1993) Starring Clint Eastwood, John Malkovich, Rene Russo, Dylan McDermott, Gary Cole and John Mahoney. Tense thriller. A secret service agent is taunted by phone calls from a would-be killer who has detailed information about him – including the fact that he failed to save President John F Kennedy from assassination. The caller is revealed to be a ruthless ex-CIA assassin who is now plotting against the life of the current president. Can the agent prevent history from repeating itself? 11.40 The Sexy Ads Show 12.10am SuperCasino 4.00 NFL Replay 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 6.55 Queen’s Speech Response The Opposition gives its reaction to the Government’s legislative programme for the coming year. Again – where is the Queen in this? 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Archie twists the knife into Sam – will she crack and do a runner? Denise’s ex seems set on stopping her upcoming nuptials, whereas her daughter’s more interested in her own love life. Oi Chelsea! Ricky and Bianca share a magical moment at the Children In Need dance competition. Ahh. 8.00 Children In Need Rocks The Royal Albert Hall See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Question Time comes from Leicester, with a panel including Ming Campbell, former leader of the Liberal Democrats, broadcaster Carol Vorderman, and Daily Mail columnist Richard Littlejohn. David Dimbleby presents. 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott. 12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Around The World In 80 Days 1.55 Life 2.55 Countryfile 3.50 Ray Mears Northern Wilderness 4.50 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00pm Tenpin Bowling 1.00 Athletics 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Tenpin Bowling 4.00 Summer Speed Motor Sport 5.00 Race World 6.00 Powder Adventures 6.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 9.30 Barclays Premier League World 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 11.30 Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 1.30am Time Of Our Lives 2.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 3.00 The Rugby Club 3.55 LIVE Test Cricket
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 To Be Announced 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Watersports World 12.30pm Aerobics: Oz Style 1.00 Women’s Pool 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 WWE Vintage Collection 5.00 WW Wrestling Special 6.00 LIVE Premier League Snooker 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 2.00 WW Wrestling Special 3.00 Race World 4.30 Close
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1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Inside: The Prison Code
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Greatest Moments 8.00 Mad About The House 9.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 The World’s Strictest Parents 12.45am Russell Howard’s Good News 1.15 Young Butcher Of The Year
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Return To Pembrokeshire Farm 8.00 Nicholas Crane’s Britannia: The Great Elizabethan Journey 9.00 A History Of Christianity 10.00 Enid 11.25 The Thick Of It 11.55 The Armstrong And Miller Show 12.25am A History Of Christianity 1.25 Enid 2.50 A History Of Christianity
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 Grimefighters 8.30 Grimefighters 9.00 Kids Do The Funniest Things 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: The Pelican Brief (1993) 1.50am Coronation Street
1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The Darling Buds Of May 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May 7.55 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 David Jason - Frost And Me 9.05 A Touch Of Frost (x2) 1.10am Cracker
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Misfits 11.00 Rude Tube 12.05am How I Met Your Mother 12.35 Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Rude Tube
5.05pm Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Embarrassing Illnesses (x2) 10.00 Hung. See highlights. 10.40 Curb Your Enthusiasm 11.20 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.20am Embarrassing Illnesses (x2)
11.00am Wild Strawberries (1957) 12.45pm Dual Alibi (1947) 2.25 Marjorie Morningstar (1958) 4.55 Watership Down (1978) 6.40 The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 9.00 Babel (2006) 11.45 Lucky Number Slevin (2006) 1.50am The Fly (1986) 3.40 Close
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friday 20 Children In Need 2009 BBC1, 7pm It’s Tezza! Whoa yeah! Sir Terry Wogan is back with best pal Pudsy to spur on stunts, silly soap stars, musical interludes from folks that last did a musical interlude when it involved Mum and Dad catching it on the vid cam, and much, much more to raise funds for the kiddie-winkles. Dig deep.
Film: Friday The 13th Part III In 3D Channel 4, 10pm A week late, but who’s counting? The home of 3D – until the recent kids flicks ambush – was traditionally horror. So what better way to round off C4’s 3D week than with this doozie? The seemingly indestructible Jason continues to attack teens and evade the authorities. Hide.
Merlin BBC3, 8pm Kick off the weekend with a catch-up on what’s been happening with Merlin and Arthur. The hoity-toity prince has only gone and got himself into a duel! Nincompoop. Anyway, that leads to him and Merlin setting off on a bizarre quest for the beautiful Morgause and a very dark secret. Oooh.
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Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Car Booty 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.35 Eliot Kid 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 Keep Your Enemies Close 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 9.00am Chidlren’s television 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Charlie & Lola10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Class Clips 11.15 KS1 Science Clips 11.25 Something Special 11.40 Food Stuff 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00All Saints1.45 Open House 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.40 Flog It! 4.25 Are You An Egghead? 5.10 Escape To The Country 5.55 Queen’s Speech Response 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia breaks into the Strictly Come Dancing rehearsals, and the Friday Panel looks forward to the weekend. Don’t we all? 7.00 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain Repeat of Wednesday’s show. 8.00 Mastermind The subjects are the history of the NFL 1920-1974, Henry VII, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight novels, and the architecture of Aberdeen since 1800. 8.30 Autumnwatch The final programme of the series. 9.30 Beautiful People Prompted by his mother’s hat, Simon remembers his surprise involvement in the 1998 Eurovision Song 10.00 Mastermind: CIN Special 2009 John Humphreys presents a special edition of the quiz show in which four comedians take on the infamous black chair for Children in Need. Lucy Porter, Mark Watson, Dave Spikey and Stephen K Amos compete to win the Pudsey trophy. 10.35 Newsnight 11.05 Newsnight Review 11.40 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.45 Later... With Jools Holland Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.50am Them Crooked Vultures Live 1.30 Medium 2.10 FILM: Patrick (1978)
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls
6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 Sali Mali 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Rescue Remedies 12.40 Without A Trace 1.30 FILM: Revenge Of The Pink Panther (1978) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.45 The WotWots 8.55 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Getting On The Property Ladder 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Floyd Uncorked 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Property List: Top Spots 3.05 FILM: A Step Toward Tomorrow (1996) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Tony has trouble with Rachel’s request to return to work. Old stylee husband. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh. 7.30 The What In The World? Quiz Marcus Brigstocke presents the comedy panel show with Lee Hurst and Dominic Holland. Time to learn stuff without trying too hard. Cool. 8.00 Axe Men Documentary series following the work of North American loggers. This week, a breakdown in communication amongst the Browning crew damages a machine, placing new boss Jesse in hot water. 9.00 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy and Marine Corps personnel. When Gibbs’s plan to interrogate a convict on death row backfires, the team must work out for itself where the man’s victims are hidden. 10.00 Law And Order: SVU Drama series set in New York. When a man is arrested after attacking his pregnant wife, he wants to have her charged with neglect – for drinking during her pregnancy. 11.00 FlashForward Repeat of Monday’s show. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 Big Ideas That Changed The World 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am ATP Tour Uncovered 6.30 The Rugby Club 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 12.00pm LIVE International Cricket 9.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.30 LIVE Friday Fight Night 11.30 International Cricket 1.30am Friday Fight Night 3.30 International Cricket 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 6.55 Queen’s Speech Response The Liberal Democrats outline their reaction to the government’s legislative programme for the coming year. No Queen here. 7.00 Children In Need 2009 Sir Terry Wogan, Tess Daly and Alesha Dixon launch the 30th Children In Need appeal, with the whole country joining in a massive marathon of fun and fundraising. Among the highlights are special instalments of Merlin, Casualty, Walk On The Wild Side and Lark Rise To Candleford, plus a preview of the Doctor Who Christmas special. Musical performances come from the casts of EastEnders, Hollyoaks, The One Show and The Bill, as well as JLS, Taylor Swift, Westlife and the BBC newsreaders. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Children In Need 2009 The fun and fundraising spectacular continues with music from Pixie Lott, Harry Connick Jr, Spandau Ballet, Paolo Nutini, Madness, David Gray, Annie Lennox, and many more. There is double trouble from Jon Culshaw and Debra Stephenson, Taggart and Rebus clash in a mini detective drama. Finally, the grand total for the 30th appeal is revealed. 2.00am Weatherview 2.05 News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.55 Queen’s Speech Broadcast By The Liberal Democrats By the Liberal Democrats. 7.00 Emmerdale Charity is stunned by Cain’s declaration. 7.30 Coronation Street A devastated Maria tries to come to terms with what has happened. 8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp A special show featuring clips from previous series. Little Mo hones her Frank Spencer impersonation, Al Murray and Duncan Goodhew unite with Harry for a brawl, global warming threatens the world’s major cities. 8.30 Coronation Street Is Maria heading for a devastating breakdown? Again?! 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! The celebs have made it through nearly a week in the jungle, and today they face another Bushtucker Trial in order to earn food for camp. Hosted by Ant and Dec. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Commando (1985) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Chong and Alyssa Milano. All-action adventure in which a Special Forces colonel returns to action when a dictator kidnaps his daughter. 12.20am Grand Slam Of Darts Highlights 1.10 FILM: Don’t Look Now (1973) 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Hannah bears the brunt of Darren’s anger when his frustration about his gambling losses boils over. She’s having a rough time of it this week. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World The foreign affairs documentary series reveals shocking evidence that Burmese asylum seekers are being detained and allegedly sold by Malaysian immigration officials to Thai human traffickers. 8.00 The Queen In 3D Documentary including newly discovered 3D footage taken of the Queen during her coronation year by two innovative young cameramen, Bob Angell and Arthur Wooster. Bob and Arthur captured the Queen at the events she attended in the lead-up to and after the Coronation in 1953. 9.00 The Queen In 3D Documentary including newly discovered 3D footage taken of the Queen at the bustling 1953 Derby. 10.00 FILM: Friday The 13th Part III In 3D (1982) See highlights. 11.55 Vampire Weekend: Video Exclusive 12.00am Animate TV 12.50 For The Love Of God 1.05 FILM: The Children’s Hour (1961) 3.00 Invasion 3.45 Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip 4.30 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 5.25 St Elsewhere
Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 12.00pm Live European Tour Golf 1.00 Barclays Premier League World 1.30 Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 10.00 Football League Weekend 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 NFL - Total Access 12.30am Premiership Rugby Union 2.00 Football League Weekend 3.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.30 Premiership Rugby Union 5.00 Powder Adventures 5.30 Gillette World Sport
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 The Rugby Club 10.00 Race World 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm NFL 2.00 Rolex FEI World Cup Show Jumping 3.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 3.30 WWE Wrestling Special 4.30 WWE Raw 6.30 Sailing 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 Golf Night: Live 11.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Golf Night 4.00 Golf Night
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1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Angela And Friends: Our Best Bits 9.00 FILM: The Hunt For Red October (1990) 11.40 Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker 2 12.40am Road Wars
7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Merlin. See highlights. 8.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 9.00 Spooks 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.30 Don’t Tell The Bride 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.15 Russell Howard’s Good News 1.45 Don’t Get Screwed
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions 8.00 Don Carlo From The Royal Opera House 11.40 We Need Answers 12.10am Only Connect 12.40 Paul Weller: Into Tomorrow 2.10 BBC Four Session: Paul Weller 3.10 Transatlantic Sessions 3.40 We Need Answers
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.30 The X Factor (x2) 9.00 Kids Do The Funniest Things 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: Catwoman (2004) 1.05am Coronation Street (x2) 2.05 Emmerdale 2.30 Teleshopping
1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The Darling Buds Of May 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 David Jason Frost And Me 9.05 A Touch Of Frost (x2) 1.10am Inspector Morse
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Wife Swap 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 11.55 Rude Tube 12.10am How I Met Your Mother
2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team Special 10.00 FILM: Black Book (2006) 12.50am Time Team Special
11.00am The Bigamist (1953) 12.40pm The House On Telegraph Hill (1951) 2.30 The Fighting Seabees (1944) 4.30 Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 7.15 Catch That Kid (2004) 9.00 Sahara (2005) 11.20 Jackass: Number Two (2006) 1.10am Lower City (2005)
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saturday 21 Merlin BBC1, 6.05pm Our favourite magical dude finds the beautiful druid girl Freya trapped in a bounty hunters cage, so decides to rescue her. That’s what you do with beautiful ladies. It’s tradition. Gaius isn’t so convinced, the old magical realist. Admittedly it is difficult to keep her hidden in Camelot’s caves. Quite difficult actually.
Come Dine With Me Channel 4, 6.25pm You know when something becomes less of a dinner party and more of a comedy of errors? It’s not the food. Lizzy’s plans for a lush four course meal seem on track. They include repeatedly calling Forbes ‘Fraser’ and tactfully giving nicotine gum to the smokers to keep them at the table. Hyacinth Bucket is here.
Peep Show E4, 9.20pm A whopping six episodes of Peep Show, catching you up on the whole of the sixth series. Just in time for the DVD release this month. Strange Channel 4 economics. Anyway, the familiar pairing of flatmates Mark and Jeremy clamour through a series of near social calamities in a bid for a happy life.
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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 A Question Of Sport 1.30 My Family 2.00 Rugby Union: Wales V Argentina 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Hole In The Wall
6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 7.00 Dennis & Gnasher 7.15 Dennis & Gnasher 7.25 Sportsround 7.40 What’s New ScoobyDoo? 8.00 Gimme A Break 8.30 TMi 10.00 My Almost Famous Family 10.30 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Animals At Work 12.00pm The Cut 12.25 The Season 12.55 The 5:19 Show 1.15 Chartjackers 1.45 Kyle XY 2.30 The Lost Prince 4.00 Autumnwatch 5.00 Rugby Union: Scotland V Australia 7.15 Porridge Classic sitcom set in Slade Prison. 7.45 Berlin The second episode of the documentary series examines Berlin’s architecture - how it has always looked to the future, but also how the Communist, Imperial and Nazi buildings bearing testimony to the city’s chequered past inspire fierce scrutiny. 8.45 Ugly Beauty Documentary in which art critic Waldemar Januszczak argues that beauty is still to be found in modern art, despite several recent books claiming the contrary. He embarks on a quest to find it. 9.45 Mastermind: CIN Special 2009 Another chance to catch Friday’s Children In Need special. 10.20 The Thick Of It Satirical political sitcom. After trading bitter blows in the press, DoSAC minister Nicola Murray MP and her shadow Peter Mannion MP are invited onto BBC Radio 5Live for a debate. When breaking news threatens to make things difficult for the politicians the programme quickly turns into a phone-in like no other. 10.50 Defying Gravity Sci-fi drama. It is Halloween aboard the Antares and the forces of darkness are revealed in more ways than one. 11.35 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Repeat of Wednesday’s show. 12.05am The Culture Show 1.05 FILM: Cosi (1996)
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 My Parents Are Aliens 10.10 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.40 FILM: The Prince And The Pauper (1977) 12.55pm ITV News & Weather 1.00 Best Ever Worst Dance Moments 2.00 FILM: Free Willy (1993) 4.10 Meridian News And Weather 4.25 FILM: Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1997) 5.45 ITV News & Weather
6.15am Planet Cook 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 FIA GT3 Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Girls Aloud 10.25 Friends 10.55 Hollyoaks Music Show 11.30 P. Diddy’s Starmaker 12.25pm Scrubs 12.55 Red Bull Rivals 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 My First Year 4.25 My First Year 4.55 Come Dine With Me 5.25 Come Dine With Me 5.55 Come Dine With Me
6.00 – 8.05am Children’s television 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 9.50 Little Lodgers 10.00 NFLUK 11.00 The Gadget Show 12.00pm Britain’s Best Brain 1.00 FILM: Freaky Friday (1995) 2.55 FILM: Captain Horatio Hornblower (1951) 5.10 Five News 5.20 FILM: El Dorado (1966)
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics
6.00 FILM: Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1997) Starring Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Alec Guinness, Anthony Daniels. The first to be filmed of George Lucas’s epic sci-fi series, revamped with new scenes and special effects by the director in 1997. No. More. Ewoks. 7.00 New You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill is your guide to more hilarious camcorder calamities. 7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Telly buff Harry Hill has been busy ploughing through the week’s output to dig up more side-splitting clips. 8.00 The X Factor There are only six acts remaining in the competition, and today they must sing live again in a battle to win the biggest prize in pop. The Christmas number one followed by oblivion unless they have some real talent and not just a gimmick. You know who you are. 9.20 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec introduce the second week of action from the celebrities’ camp. 10.20 ITV News; Weather 10.35 FILM: Hannibal Rising (2007) Starring Gaspard Ulliel, Gong Li, Rhys Ifans, Helena Tachovska. Thrilling prequel chronicling the formative years of Hannibal Lecter. 12.50am Grand Slam Of Darts 1.40 FILM: Valdez Is Coming (1970) 3.10 Crossing Jordan 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.25 Come Dine With Me See highlights. 6.55 Come Dine With Me Dinner party competition. Nature lover Sarah Pickering attempts to cook an ambitious meal in her bid for the cash prize, but does she have the time and expertise to manage? 7.25 Channel 4 News 7.50 The Secrets Of Stonehenge: A Time Team Special Featurelength special. Over the last six years, a huge team of archaeologists have been digging at Stonehenge and the surrounding prehistoric landscape to uncover the site’s ancient secrets. During their excavations the team found the biggest Neolithic settlement in Northern Europe. 9.20 The Greatest Ever 3D Moments A countdown of the top ten greatest 3D moments in cinema, TV and pop music. Featuring classic clips dating back to the birth of 3D in the 1950s, through to the hi-tech spectaculars of recent times. With interviews from the creative talents. 10.20 FILM: Friday The 13th Part III In 3D (1982) Bizarrely, another chance to watch the film you could’ve seen yesterday. C4 schedulers, eh? 12.05am 4Music Intros: Mumford And Sons 12.15 Live From Abbey Road 1.20 4Play: El Bronx 1.35 FILM: Dracula (1979) 3.30 Invasion 4.15 The Class 4.40 Switched 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Treacle People
7.50 NCIS Drama series following a team of special agents who investigate crimes connected to Navy personnel. The team investigates an NCIS agent’s murder. 8.40 CSI: NY Crime drama series. Mac and Danny investigate the death of a woman found dead in a bathtub filled to the brim with rose petals. Meanwhile, Stella probes the death of a young man who fell face first into the fish tank in his penthouse apartment. He’s got the wrong plaice. 9.35 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Catherine is forced to revisit her first solo case as a CSI when the convicted felon claims the case was based on faulty evidence. Eighteen years after the murder, could advancements in lab techniques shed new light on the case? 10.35 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series. Detectives probe the case of a teenager who abused his younger brother and ran a website for paedophiles. When the youngster is kidnapped, Stabler turns to Benson for help in tracing the culprits. 11.35 Crime Scene Academy 12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 The Great Artists (x2) 4.50 Rough Guide To Eco Escapes 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
Sky Sports 2
6.05 Merlin See highlights. 6.50 Strictly Come Dancing It is week 10 of the competition and the pressure is on as the seven remaining couples hit the dance floor to perform either a ballroom or Latin dance. Once the judges’ scores and viewers’ votes are combined, the two couples with the lowest result will perform again in the dance off. Plus Dame Shirley Bassey sings a show-stopping number. Can she do any other kind? 8.20 The National Lottery Draws: 15 Years The National Lottery draws, with presenters Danny Wallace and Myleene Klass, and a whole host of celebrity guests. Not half a host. 8.45 Casualty Medical drama series. Massage parlour workers Bree and Joy are brought in suffering from burns sustained when a fire breaks out in their flat. Both were planning to escape the controlling clutches of massage parlour owner Tony. Insert your own evil laugh here. 9.35 The Impressions Show With Culshaw And Stephenson The amazing impressions of Jon Culshaw and Debra Stephenson feature in a comedy sketch show. 10.05 BBC News 10.25 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from the Premier League. 11.45 The Football League Show The day’s action. Woof! 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 News
6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Premiership Rugby Union 8.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Gillette World Sport 1.30 Sailing 2.00 LIVE International Rugby Union 4.30 LIVE Women’s International Rugby 7.00 LIVE: Spanish Football (x2) 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am International Rugby Union 2.00 Spanish Football 3.30 International Rugby Union 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm WWE The Bottom Line 1.00 WWE Survivor Series Preview 1.30 WWE Wrestling Special 2.30 Friday Fight Night 4.30 WWE Survivor Series Preview 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 International Rugby Union 10.00 WWE Survivor Series Preview 10.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 11.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 1.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 2.30 WWE Survivor Series Preview 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.30 Max Power 4.30 NFL – Total Access 5.30 Gillette World Sport
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1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 The Real A & E 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 5.00 New Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 TV’s 50 Hardest Men 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Night Cops 1.50 Road Wars
7.00pm The Real Hustle On Holiday 7.15 Rugby Union: England V New Zealand 8.15 Top Gear 9.20 Children In Need Rocks The Royal Albert Hall 11.10 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 11.55 Family Guy 12.20am American Dad! (x2) 1.05 FILM: Look Who’s Talking Too (1990) 2.20 Young Butcher Of The Year
7.00pm Munro: Mountain Man 8.00 Cranford 9.00 Enid 10.25 Spiral II 11.15 Spiral II 12.15am Where Is Modern Art Now? 1.15 Cranford 2.15 FILM: Beaufort (2007)
2.30pm Holiday Showdown 3.30 All Star Family Fortunes 4.15 Gossip Girl 5.15 FILM: Hulk (2002) 8.00 Spain: Paradise Lost 9.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.20 The Xtra Factor 10.20 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.20 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 11.50 The X Factor 1.10am The Xtra Factor
11.05am A Touch Of Frost (x2) 3.05 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.20 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Inspector Morse 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 Rebus 10.35 Vincent 12.05am Hidden Treasure 1.55 The Charmer 2.50 Film File 3.00 Teleshopping
1.50pm Style Her Famous 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.55 My Name Is Earl (x3) 8.20 Friends (x2) 9.20 Peep Show (x6). See highlights. 12.40am Sarah Silverman: Jesus Is Magic 1.35 Supernanny US 2.30 How To Look Good Naked 3.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus
1.00pm FILM: The Bravados (1958) 2.50 Grand Designs (x5) 8.20 Antony Gormley: Making Space 9.20 In The Shadow Of The Moon 11.25 The Unseen Spike Milligan 12.30am Antony Gormley: Making Space 1.35 In The Shadow Of The Moon
11.00am Hoodlum Empire (1952) 1.00pm Small Time Crooks (1999) 2.55 Fanny By Gaslight (1944) 5.00 Death Drums Along The River (1963) 6.40 Batman And Robin (1997) 9.00 Tenacious D In The Pick Of Destiny (2006) 10.50 White Noise (2004) 12.40am Apocalypse Now (1979)
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sunday 22 The X Factor ITV1, 8pm It’s anybody’s win, as the judges – having started the series the best of friends – get out those backstabbin claws in defense of their protégés. With Louis’ ‘rules’ winding up all and sundry, Simon’s arrogance chiming in and the others finding their own unique ways to antagonise each other, there’ll be tears soon.
Embarrassing Old Bodies Channel 4, 9pm It’s a fact of life and an excuse for any old ache or pain – we get old. Deal with it. The thing is, sometimes getting old can be really not something you’re happy talking to your doctor about. Put your hand up if you like incontinence. How about varicose veins? Here are the facts from Christian and Pixie.
Mark Lawson Talks To Jane Horrocks BBC4, 9pm It’s been ages since Jane was the curly-haired dippy assistant Bubble in Ab Fab, and she’s come a long way with both critical acclaim and praise from her peers. Jane talks about how gender and age can affect a career as a performer, and her current West End success.
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6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 1.30 Cash In The Attic 2.30 Murder, She Wrote 3.15 EastEnders 4.45 Points Of View 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today
6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 7.00 Uncle Max 7.10 OOglies 7.30 Prank Patrol 8.00 Da Dick And Dom Dairies 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Rugby Union: England V New Zealand 12.30pm Racing From Aintree 2.00 Tennis: World Tour Finals 5.35 Meerkat Manor
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Paz 9.35 Captain Mack 9.50 Supernormal 10.05 Emu 10.20 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.50 Tricky Quickies 10.55 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.10pm ITV News & Weather 1.15 Kids Do The Funniest Things 2.15 Columbo: Uneasy Lies The Crown 4.15 Inspector Morse
6.05am Sali Mali 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 7.30 Freesports On 4 8.00 Freesports On 4 8.55 Friends 9.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 11.55 JLS In 3D 12.10pm 90210 1.10 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Pink 2.10 JLS In 3D 2.25 Friends 3.00 Hannah Montana And Miley Cyrus: Best Of Both Worlds Concert 4.40 The Simpsons 5.10 The Simpsons 5.45 Deal Or No Deal
6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.45 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Snobs 10.30 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.00 Hannah Montana 11.35 The Tribe 12.05pm Animal Rescue Squad 12.25 The Lost Symbol: Truth Or Fiction 1.25 FILM: Up Periscope (1959) 3.35 The Showbiz Variety Club Awards 2009 4.35 Five News 4.45 FILM: Disney’s Pocahontas (1995) 6.20 FILM: Spider-Man 3 (2007) Starring Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Topher Grace, James Cromwell, Rosemary Harris, Daniel Gillies, Michael Papajohn. Superhero sequel. The life of Peter Parker and his arachnid alter ego is shattered when a mysterious black entity bonds with his suit and begins to turn him to evil. Think it’s called ‘livin’ in the big city’, Dude. 9.00 FILM: Just Cause (1995) Starring Sean Connery, Laurence Fishburne, Kate Capshaw, Blair Underwood, Ed Harris and Ruby Dee. Mystery thriller. A Harvard law professor is drawn into the case of a young black man on death row in Florida for the rape and murder of a girl. The lawyer uncovers disturbing facts about the conduct of the police in the case. Will he see justice prevail? Without tension? 10.55 FlashForward Sci-fi drama about a mysterious event that causes the population of the entire world to black out simultaneously. Repeat of Monday’s show. 11.55 UFC 105: Main Event UFC action from Manchester as legendary five-time champion Randy Couture takes on Brandon Vera in a lightheavyweight clash. 12.50am NFL Live 4.40 NFL Classics 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE: Tennis 11.00 International Cricket 1.00am Spanish Football 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial
6.00 Life The nature documentary looks at insects, the most successful animal group ever. 7.00 Countryfile Julia Bradbury and Matt Baker are on the Isles of Scilly, for the late flower-picking season and to see how ruby-red cattle are moved from island to island. 8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team of experts welcome thousands to Bletchley Park near Milton Keynes. 9.00 Garrow’s Law: Tales From The Old Bailey Drama series about the influential barrister. Garrow wins the case of a prostitute accused of murdering her client. A desperate Mary Hamer begs Garrow to defend her husband Joseph, who has been arrested on suspicion of sedition. 10.00 BBC News 10.20 South East Today 10.25 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special The hit sitcom returns for a festive special as Nessa and the Wests head east, with some help from Dave and his coach. 11.25 FILM: Born Yesterday (1993) Starring Melanie Griffith, John Goodman, Don Johnson. Upbeat comedy in which a millionaire hires a journalist to bring his dim-witted girlfriend up to the level of his peers. 1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: Miranda 1.35 Holby City 2.35 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers 3.05 BBC News
6.00 Brian Cox’s Jute Journey Documentary journey into Brian Cox’s past, and on to Kolkata in the footsteps of the Dundee jute workers who left to seek their fortunes in India. 7.00 James May’s Toy Stories Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 8.00 Ray Mears Northern Wilderness Ray follows in the footsteps of David Thompson, a Briton who helped change the face of Canada by mapping four million square miles of North America. 9.00 Top Gear Jeremy, Richard and James attempt to save the planet by building their own electric car, and then put their latest ‘green’ creation through the rigours of the new car testing process. Meanwhile on the track, Europe takes on the USA in the battle of the continents, as Jeremy pits the Corvette ZR1’s muscle against the finesse of Audi’s R8 V10. 10.00 Miranda Repeat of Monday’s show. 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights of the day’s Barclays Premier games. 11.30 Argumental Hilarious heated debate in the panel game chaired by John Sergeant. Team captains Marcus Brigstocke and Rufus Hound are joined by guests Dara O’Briain and Chris Addison to argue. 12.00am FILM: The Big Kahuna (1999) 1.25 BBC News
6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.45 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Repeat of yesterday’s show. 7.15 All Star Family Fortunes Former Blue singer Antony Costa and clan are up against Corrie legend Liz Dawn and family. The Costas are playing for the National Autistic Society, while the Dawns are for the British Lung Foundation. 8.00 The X Factor See highlights. 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec bring you more action from the jungle. Today the celebrities face another battle for survival as the public vote for one of them to endure another Bushtucker Trial in order to earn food for camp. 10.00 Osbourne Family Adrenaline Junkie Jack Osbourne invites his parents Sharon and Ozzy on an adventure they will never forget. After a spot of rock crawling, the elder Osbournes are launched into ‘space’ with the Zero Gravity experience of a lifetime. 11.00 ITV News; Weather 11.15 Flight Of Faith: The Jesus Story Unique programme capturing the geography of the Holy Land from an aerial perspective. 12.15am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.05 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.30 Grand Slam Of Darts 2.25 Kojak 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.30 Jamie’s American Road Trip The final stop on Jamie’s tour is a Navajo Indian reservation in Arizona, where he gets a crash course in spirituality. Somehow that doesn’t sound like the right way to do it. 7.30 Channel 4 News 8.00 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to be the best dinner-party host. Kent’s Swale estuary is the location for this week’s tempestuous culinary contest. 9.00 Embarrassing Old Bodies See highlights. 10.00 Derren Brown Presents: The 3D Magic Spectacular Derren Brown hosts a special programme in which the world’s greatest magicians perform in 3D. Britain’s leading performers dazzle the audience and archive footage features performances of some of history’s most famous tricks. 11.10 The Greatest Ever 3D Moments A countdown of the top ten greatest 3D moments in cinema, TV and pop music. Featuring classic clips dating back to the birth of 3D in the 1950s, through to the hi-tech spectaculars of recent times. 12.10am 4Music Intros: Taio Cruz 12.15 Dance For Eternity 12.30 My Name Is Earl (x3) 2.00 FILM: What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted? (1999) 3.50 King Of The Hill (x2) 4.40 The Class 5.05 Switched 5.30 St Elsewhere
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Spanish Football 7.30 LIVE International Cricket 4.30pm Sailing 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 LIVE: Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE: Golf Night 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.30 WWE Survivor Series Preview 1.00 Max Power 2.00 International Cricket 4.00 Sailing 4.30 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.00am International Rugby Union 8.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 2.00pm LIVE Tennis 4.30 WWE Survivor Series Preview 5.00 Sailing 5.30 LIVE NFL (x2) 12.30am Golf Night (x2) 4.30 Close
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1.00pm New Oops TV 2.00 Project Runway 3.00 Angela And Friends: Our Best Bits 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 Wayne Rooney’s Street Striker 2 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 House 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Bones 12.00am Road Wars (x2)
7.00pm The World’s Strictest Parents 8.00 Merlin 8.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 9.00 Britain’s Really Disgusting Food: Meat 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 American Dad! (x2) 11.05 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.35 The World’s Strictest Parents 12.35am When Diets Go Wrong
7.00pm A History Of Christianity 8.00 Cranford 9.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Jane Horrocks. See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Anna M (2007) 11.45 It’s Only A Theory 12.15am Hi Society The Wonderful World Of Nicky Haslam: Storyville 1.15 Cranford 2.15 A History Of Christianity 3.15 Mark LawsonTalksToJaneHorrocks
12.40pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp 1.10 FILM: Hulk (2002) 3.55 FILM: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown () 5.40 FILM: Innerspace (1987) 8.00 Coleen’s Real Women 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: Mission: Impossible (1996) 1.15am The X Factor 2.10 The Xtra Factor
11.00am Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 11.55 A Touch Of Frost 1.55pm Hidden Treasure 4.00 FILM: The Railway Children (1970) 6.15 The Forsyte Saga 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Lewis: Whom The Gods Would Destroy 11.05 Cracker 12.10am Life 1.05 FILM: Sleuth (1972) 3.25 Film File
12.10pm Dark Angel (x2) 2.05 Reaper (x2) 4.00 Beauty And The Geek 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Ugly Betty 7.00 One Tree Hill 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Wedding Planner (2001) 11.05 FILM: The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994) 12.40am Supernanny US (x2) 2.30 How To Look Good Naked
1.50pm How Clean Is Your House? (x5) 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 Jamie At Home 8.00 River Cottage 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 10.00 Half Ton Dad 11.10 Father Ted 11.45 Hung 12.20am Curb Your Enthusiasm 1.00 Deal Or No Deal 1.45 Half Ton Dad 2.40 Father Ted 3.10 Hung
11.00am The Wrong Arm Of The Law (1963) 1.00pm Doctor Dolittle (1998) 2.40 Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 4.20 McLintock! (1963) 6.45 Take The Lead (2006) 9.00 The Fifth Element (1997) 11.30 The Man (2005) 1.10am Vanilla Sky (2001)
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monday 23 Dispatches: Return To Africa’s Witch Children Channel 4, 8pm The recent award-winning documentary on the children of Niger Delta saw them being denounced by Christian pastors as witches and then killed, tortured or abandoned. This is an investigation into whether the UN’s response to the film has changed anything. Hopefully, yes.
FlashForward Five, 9pm So we all know the premise – everyone blacks out across the globe for a couple of minutes and sees a flash of their own future. Not always the bit they wanted to see, but it’s a slice. And it’s private, like, which is why Mark is trying to find out who tattled to Olivia by text. Big question though, when is that baby going to turn up?
Gracie! BBC4, 9pm Starring the ever-talented Jane Horrocks as the nation’s darling, Gracie Fields, this biopic continues BBC4’s series on creative British women. We begin on the cusp of World War II, at the peak of her career, with a love story involving Italian born director Monty Banks. With that timing – heartbreak ahoy.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Real Rescues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.35 Eliot Kid 3.45 Bernard 3.50 The Secret Show 4.05 League Of Super Evil 4.20 Shaun The Sheep 4.25 Shaun The Sheep 4.35 School Of Silence 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Wait For It..! 8.30 Pingu 8.35 Pingu 8.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Charlie And Lola 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Telling Stories 11.30 Primary History 11.40 Class Clips 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Open House 2.15 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Are You An Egghead? 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing. 7.00 Coal House At War The threat of air raids and sleepless nights are taking their toll as the final week arrives for the inhabitants of the Coal House. Time for pizza delivery! 7.30 An Island Parish 8.00 University Challenge University College, London do battle with Emmanuel College, Cambridge for a place in the quarter-finals of the student quiz. 8.30 Miranda Comedy. See TellyTalk. 9.00 School Of Saatchi Series exploring the strange and controversial world of contemporary art through a nationwide search by Charles Saatchi to select one artist to join his next major exhibition and be offered their own studio. 10.00 Grumpy Old Women Wellknown comedians, entertainers and other personalities talk about the many aspects of modern life that drive them up the wall. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Defying Gravity Sci-fi drama. Repeat of Saturday’s show. 12.05am BBC News 4.00 The Designed World 5.00 Engineering For The World
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls
6.15am The Hoobs 6.40 Planet Cook 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Back To You 12.55 Wife Swap USA 1.50 FILM: The Tall T (1957) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 12.30pm LIVE Tennis 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 SPL Round-Up 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Football League: Championship 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity decides that it is now or never if she is to take Cain’s cash – but will he catch her first? Surely there should be a cartoon about this scheming pair. 7.30 Coronation Street Maria has a surprise visitor from Tony’s past. Audrey is not happy about Gail and Joe’s engagement. Will Sally find evidence of Kevin’s affair? Please do! 8.00 Age Before Beauty: Tonight Fiona Foster investigates whether our looks-obsessed society is contributing to ageism. 8.30 Coronation Street Carla faces some tough questioning. 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! How are the celebrities coping as they endure another day of creepy-crawlies, hunger and each other? Who’s going for the romance vote? Is it real? Is it fake? Are they... 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Grudge (2004) Starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jason Behr, Bill Pullman. Horror. An American student living in Tokyo finds work as a carer for an elderly patient with sleeping difficulties, unaware that the woman’s house is cursed by the evil spirit of a murderer. 12.20am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.15 Loose Women 2.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Mercedes has her forthcoming routine HIV check-up and insists on going alone. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: Return To Africa’s Witch Children See highlights. 9.00 How To Look Good Naked: Sexy Over 60 Makeover series. Gok Wan turns his attention to 72-yearold Sue, who feels like she is ‘fading away’. Gok’s challenge is to stop her feeling shapeless and frumpy, and show her how to get her groove back. Yay! Age ain’t nothing but a number, and who remembers exactly how old they are all the time anyway? After you stop counting it with fractions. 10.00 Ugly Betty Drama comedy series. The Suarez family is invited to meet Matt’s famed billionaire dad at his legendary Easter Egg hunt. Ah. Are they Fabergé eggs or little caviar eggs? 11.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word Two French restaurants go head to head as Gordon travels to Paris to learn about croissants. 12.00am 4Music Intros: Codeine Velvet Club Melvin 12.05 4Play: Friendly Fires 12.20 King Of The Hill (x2) 1.20 The Yes Men 2.50 Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip 3.35 FILM: Carpool (1996) 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Treacle People
6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Getting On The Property Ladder 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Floyd Uncorked 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Animal Rescue Squad 3.05 FILM: Into Thin Air: Death On Everest (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Robertson busts Charlie’s alibi. Liam serenades Nicole. Geoff ponders whether Aden has feelings for Nicole. Not enough people ponder these days. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show. 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn discovers the secrets of recycling. He probes the mysteries behind self-winding watches, and finds out how to put together a flatpack supertanker. Blimmin’ Ikea. 8.00 The Gadget Show Suzi testdrives a hydrofoil car, Jon checks out the latest navigational tools and Jason attempts to improve on his hoverboard design. 9.00 FlashForward See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Undisputed (2002) Starring Wesley Snipes, Ving Rhames, Peter Falk and Jon Seda. Action thriller about an undefeated heavyweight boxing champion serving a ten-year sentence in jail. The champ is lined up to fight the prison’s own top fighter in a brutal contest organised by an old-time gangster. 11.50 Outlaw Bikers Two-part documentary following law enforcement efforts to expose the criminal elements in America’s most feared biker gangs. 12.50am SuperCasino 3.00 NASCAR 3.55 Race And Rally UK 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out 8.00 EastEnders Sam’s disappearance threatens to cost the Mitchell’s everything they have. Liz gives Owen a brutal ultimatum. 8.30 Panorama Who are your children hanging around with, and what would happen if a fight started? Because of a little-known law called joint enterprise, anyone caught up in a serious incident could face the same jail sentence as the person wielding the weapon. Panorama sees whether this catch-all policy is leading to miscarriages of justice. 9.00 Life The nature documentary explores mammals’ ability to learn new survival tricks. In a TV first, a killer whale is shown sneaking into a pool where elephant seal pups learn to swim, saving itself the trouble of hunting in the open sea. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show In a Welsh triple-bill, Graham is joined by Dame Shirley Bassey, actor Martin Sheen and comedian Rhod Gilbert. 11.20 The Apprentice USA 12.05am The Apprentice USA 12.50 Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: An Island Parish 1.25 Defying Gravity 2.05 Beautiful People 2.35 Horizon: The Secret You 3.35 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 NASCAR 10.30 International Cricket 12.30pm Ford Football Special 2.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 2.30 Spanish Football 4.00 NASCAR 6.00 Wild Spirits 6.30 Sailing 7.00 LIVE Tennis 11.00 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 1.00am Water Skiing 2.00 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 4.00 Football League: Championship 5.30 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.30am Sailing 7.00 Golf Night 9.00 Golf Night 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm NFL 1.30 Max Power 2.30 Showjumping 3.30 NFL 5.00 WWE Raw UK 7.00 NFL 8.30 Ronan Keating Golf Classic 9.00 Showjumping 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.00 Close
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1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Stargate Universe 12.00am Road Wars (x2)
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Walk On The Wild Side 8.30 Don’t Get Screwed 9.00 Mouth To Mouth (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Young Mechanic Of The Year 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am The Mighty Boosh 12.45 Don’t Get Screwed 1.15 Mouth To Mouth (x2)
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Tales From The Green Valley 8.00 The Thirties In Colour 9.00 Gracie!. See highlights. 10.20 Amazing Gracie: The Gracie Fields Story 11.20 Travels With Vasari 12.20am Travels With Vasari 1.20 The Medici: Makers Of Modern Art 2.20 Gracie!
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.30 New You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 Trinity 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: The Break-Up (2006) 1.10am Coronation Street
1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The Darling Buds Of May 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 The Darling Buds Of May 7.55 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Taggart (x2) 11.35 Inspector Morse 1.25am The Wonder Years (x2) 2.15 Cane
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Being Erica 11.00 Skins 12.05am How I Met Your Mother 12.35 Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Being Erica 2.30 Skins
3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Saving Grace
11.00am Bullwhip (1958) 12.35pm The Grass Is Greener (1960) 2.40 The Lady Wants Mink (1953) 4.30 The Way West (1967) 6.50 Last Holiday (2006) 9.00 The Escapist (2008) 11.00 Close My Eyes (1990) 1.10am Tokyo Sonata (2008)