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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk
DAVE GORMAN
★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★
The comedian on biking round Britain p13
9 –15 March 2010
FREE WEEKLY
THE TIGER LILLIES on Brecht, brothels and blood-curdling screams
This is it
WIN! Robert Pattinson DVDs
page 15
Have you seen our top ten homes for TOP sale and for rent? Find them now at
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Get ready for the wonderful world of Brian Eno at this year’s Brighton Festival
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latesthomes.co.uk/brighton
002_LS465_Dymanic Yoga
3/2/10
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NOW WITH VIRTUAL STUDIO TOUR
www.dynamicyoga.tv The studio incorporates a fantastic new ‘state of the art’ fresh oxygenated heating ventilation system.
Class duration: 90 minutes
Stuart offers a completely unique style of yoga. “My yoga is not just mechanical yoga, it is based on aligning your mind and spine with this magnificent universe.”
7 Video testimonals on the website.
003_LS465 contents
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welcome
L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 Social Diary Sussex Uni’s Bee Ball and Latest Homes’ celebration 5 City Speak Will opts for retail therapy, Andrea is regressed to a past life, and Tash would much rather have a sloth than a baby 7 Heather Mills’ VBites Heather’s new plans for team-building ice dance lessons 8 News Masked protesters call for referendum and wardens crack down on dog walkers; plus Councillor Mary Mears 8 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters, emails and web comments 9 Bookings John Barrowman, Woodpigeon and Alabama 3 9 Competitions Win Robert Pattinson DVDs and Glee soundtrack 9 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week? 10 Snap Shots Ghost hunter Scott Simpson of The Spirit Parlour 11 Celebcity Jaime Winstone steals the show at Banksy’s premiere 12 Bare Cheek & Astral Angi Spirit of dark and lonely water relocates to Queen’s Park duck pond; plus Astral reads the politicians’ stars
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L7 Don’t miss...
13 L7 INTERVIEW Comedian turned cycling obsessive Dave Gorman on numb penis syndrome and the joys of having your calf muscles complemented by an Olympic gold medallist
15 LIFESTYLE 15 Cover feature Brighton Festival is now on sale – be a part of the action 17 Sole Sister Get Brighton Marathon-fit with the foot clinic 19 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Fish finger sandwiches and Bloody Marys at Home Café 20 Hotlist Credit crunch cocktails and Thai the beach bar way
21 WHAT’S ON 21 Stage Chichester Festival 2010 previewed 22 Clubs 70 years in eight hours with Forties To The Naughties 23 Music The Tiger Lillies on the dark art of finding inspiration 24 Events The City Reads... Ian Fleming’s From Russia With Love 24 Art The Moving Image at Brighton Museum & Art Gallery 25 Film Oscar-nominated Crazy Heart hits the big screen 26 Comedy Lucy Porter on new show Fool’s Gold (real gold included) 26 Gay House anthems and staff in scrubs at Emergency Room 27 Reviews X Factor Live, Big Science Saturday, Peter Pansy 28 Sport Marathon Mary survives the Half Marathon 28 TV Telly Talk; plus your seven-day guide to what’s on the box
Mumford & Sons Friday 12 March Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome Coldplay with banjos, waistcoats and no cloying global mission statement, Mumford & Sons do wistful melodic pop with an olde-timey twang and released debut album Sigh No More last year to much acclaim. Watch them rise.
Latest on You can now follow Latest 7 and Latest Homes on Twitter. Sign up to your favourite sections and columnists to keep up to date with local entertainments stories, restaurant openings, health and beauty offers, celebrity gossip, property news and more. www.thelatest.co.uk/7/twitter
Most artists we interview have something to say about Brighton. But mostly they talk about how much they love the beach and the boutiques and the bohemian blah blah blah... So it was refreshing to hear that top comedian Dave Gorman has two chief associations with the city: not being able to walk for a day following the London to Brighton bike ride; and the time his romantic weekend by the sea to celebrate his girlfriend’s birthday happened to coincide with an 11-day bout of numb penis syndrome. Find out why (it’s a very wholesome reason) in this week’s L7 Interview. Slightly less wholesome is our interview with infamous Brechtian cabaret trio The Tiger Lillies, of Shockheaded Peter fame, whose tales of sex, death and derangement stem from a period of gestation above a Soho brothel. And on a similar theme, bet you can’t guess which of Home Café’s dishes Andrew Kay refers to in his Food & Drink review this week as a ‘buxom culinary whore’. (Clue: it isn’t the fish finger sandwich.) Snap Shots photographer Diana Frangi had a surprise this week when she went to take the portrait of leading local ghost hunter Scott Simpson and encountered... an extremely affable gentleman in a red hoodie. Sussex-based paranormal researchers The Spirit Parlour organise evenings that are ‘designed to be thrilling but never disturbing’ (their next event is at the Bluebell Railway). And Scott – who grew up in a pub with two landlords, one of whom could walk through the bar to clear glasses – reckons the supernatural is nothing to be scared of. Also this week: comedian Lucy Porter on her new show; Chichester Festival 2010 previewed; and why everyone’s reading Ian Fleming’s From Russia With Love.
Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor
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Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive
Production Editor Victoria Nangle Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Rachel Junior Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Jaime Pettit (Clubs) Editorial Assistant Gabriele Barysaite
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Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Kieran Hood Steve Sawyer Andrew Wright Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless
01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH
When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.
004_LS465_Social Diary
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SOCIAL DIARY Patrick Kneath
Latest diary Tim Richardson on the Bee Ball, Sussex Beacon Half Marathon and Latest Homes’ celebration Patrick Kneath
Buzz about town Sussex University students held a RAG ball at Stanmer House in aid of the The Laboratory of Apiculture and Social Insects (LASI), which is currently undertaking vital research to halt the decline in honey bees. Guests at the Bee Ball enjoyed a tower of black and yellow cup cakes, and cider and apple juice provided by The Cooperative as part of their ‘Plan Bee’ initiative, and each guest was given a pot of honey, courtesy of the UK’s leading honey company, Rowse.
Dr Maggie Caivillon (Bee Biologist), Sue Hepburn (LASI fundraiser)
Julie Frith (Mishon Mackay City Land & New Homes), David Webb (David Webb Residential), Phil Graves (Graves Jenkins), Sara Van Looke (Mishon Mackay City Land & New Homes)
RAG Commitee
Sportcam
Ben Hooper (Harringtons Lettings), Dan Taylor (Harringtons Lettings), Simon Pattenden (Home Leasing)
Winning in the rain Despite the terrible weather, the Sussex Beacon Half Marathon took place on 21 February, with David Wardle of the Woodford Green and Essex Ladies team coming in first at one hour, six minutes and 56 seconds. This was the 20th year of the event – read a first hand account from our Sports columnist Marathon Mary on p 28.
Home truths Local estate agents were invited to Lastest Musicbar last month to celebrate the 9th birthday of Latest Homes and the whopping 300,000 page views for www.latesthomes.co.uk since January 2010 – more than any other property portal that covers Brighton and Hove. The site’s partnerships with Tindle Newspapers, who own over 250 regional newspapers, and www.visitbrighton.co.uk, means Latest Homes online can offer even more coverage for sellers’ properties.
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CITY SPEAK 05
The Early Bird
Teen Spirit
Andrea Fox is regressed to a past life
Tasha Dhanraj can’t really see the point in children
A
y plans for the future always change. In the past my career aspirations have included Prime Minister, lyricist, dolphin trainer and assassin. There’s only one thing that has remained constant in my plans and that is that I never want children. My reasons for not wanting them change quite frequently, but the general gist is that I don’t want to be responsible for some milky leech. Children terrify me. I think a large part of it is worrying that I’ll accidentally drop them. They’re scarily vulnerable, whilst being horrifyingly capable of searing into your soul and knowing everything about you. I really don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Even when I was a child I didn’t like children. In primary school I preferred talking to the teachers than my own snotnosed contemporaries. For my seventh birthday, I invited all of my friends to a party, including the 70-year-old school librarian and his wife. They came and, for some reason, didn’t join in with pass-the-parcel or musical chairs. I liked grown-ups because I enjoyed civilised conversation. I still do. When people have children they always talk to them in some moronic, high-pitched drivel. If you are trying to teach a child to speak English, why not speak to them in English? I never played with baby dolls when I was younger either. I had
pparently I’ve done all this imagination than what I described. before. I’ve just had someone It wasn’t a surprise that I used to attempt to regress me into a be a man in a former life. I was more past life. Quite frankly the current one surprised to find out I was a pretty is tons better. miserable lonely northern bloke in the When it comes to past-lives I’m ’50s. Possibly called Paul. sceptical about the prospect of Is this the reason I’m not very recalling anything or the idea that my girly? Plenty of things I think are nan is looking over me whilst I go cool are in fact better regarded as about my day. Lets face it, having activities men would do. For someone watch us eating toast, example, playing guitar, being able sitting around and sleeping doesn’t to fix a broken vacuum and climb a sound like fun, it sounds like Big tree. Actually that last one is a cat Brother. But something about this isn’t it? But apparently a human idea that the universe is connected, can’t have been an animal in a past and in some way looking out for you life. I know this because my friend and giving you a helping hand with said he thought he might have been the future, is a squirrel. appealing. Next Presumably “I was a pretty week’s lottery because he numbers sound even is nuts. miserable lonely more appealing. The main issue The first step in I had trying to northern bloke in the past-life suspend my regression was to disbelief is that I the ’50s. Possibly relax and breathe want to feel one of deeply, which in my called Paul” a kind. To find out case took the best your soul is a part of 20 minutes. Next, my hand-me-down soul doesn’t make ‘regresser’ Steve asked me to you feel very unique. After a while I visualise stepping back through a started to get a little bit grumpy door and tell him what I could see. I about it, like a teenager denying they don’t like to disappoint, and telling are anything like their parents. Maybe him I could only see the black on the I’d have been more receptive if I’d inside of my eyelids didn’t seem found out I was Cleopatra. appropriate. So I tried. I’d love it if my nan was still Stuff popped into my head. hanging around and if she is I Afterwards I was assured that it encourage her to stay and bring wasn’t the same as imagining things, friends. Maybe I’ll finally learn to knit. it was in fact a past life. I couldn’t Listen to The Guy & Andrea Breakfast have been more pleased, because I’d Show on Brighton’s Juice 107.2 every like to think I have a more vivid Monday to Friday from 7am
M
“I invited all of my friends to a party, including the 70-year-old school librarian” my stuffed dog, Ruffles, and saw no appeal in some repulsive piece of plastic that could close its eyes when you hold it upside down. That trend has continued. I’ve decided that if ever nature makes me feel the need to look after something small, I will purchase a sloth. They’re small, cuddly and hardly ever awake, plus they don’t spend the first nine months of their existence as a parasite on your blood supply. But something has happened. Last week I met a child that I didn’t hate. I was on work experience, and the daughter of my boss always came home at around 5.30. This child did not look at me with eyes that said ‘I know everything about you.’ This child was hilarious and could hold a proper conversation. Suddenly, I was faced with a life-shaking anomaly. She’s a nice child! What if there are more like her? Whilst it’s not enough to make me want my own, this one little girl has caused me to reconsider all my previous prejudices. Having said that, she’s not nearly as awesome as a sloth.
Who were you in a past life? Children: for or against? Without love, is everything else just filler? comment@thelatest.co.uk
William Tells Will Harris takes his heart on an epic shopping spree
“Y
our credit card arrived then,” says my flatmate, hanging his coat behind the lounge door. “I regret nothing,” comes the reply from the pile of shopping bags currently taking up most of our sofa. As, grunting, I extricate myself from beneath the rustling heap, store receipts flutter to the floor like ticker tape. “More check shirts, I see. And what’s this? Has Dame Vivienne come to stay?” “They were reduced,” I mutter, snatching the shoebox from his hands. “Besides, I’ve had enough of being tramped over. With these boots on my side, it’ll be me doing the tramping for once. Me!” “Wow,” says my flatmate. “What’s wrong with you?” What’s wrong with me is, since finding myself unexpectedly single, I’ve also found myself unexpectedly solvent. OK, I’m no Jackie Onassis, but it’s surprising how much all the meals out and mini breaks add up to when you’re not footing the bill anymore. I could do something sensible with my windfall of course – save for a mortgage maybe, or send a hired gun down to my ex’s Contemporary Movement class (just a thought) – but instead I’ve chosen to wear my wealth on my sleeve. Where my heart used to be.
When a person leaves your life, it’s understandable they leave a gap. Some people fill that gap with alcohol, others with casual sex; I, apparently, have filled mine with enough check fabric to feed a Bay City Rollers convention for months. And so I ask the question: without someone to love, is everything else just filler?
“I’ve had enough of being tramped over. With these boots on my side, it’ll be me doing the tramping!” I look over at where my flatmate is ladling a mountain of Chinese food onto his plate, eyes shining. Since his other half went away on tour last month, I’ve noticed his normally regimented diet slip from smoothies and tofu to Big Macs and bacon butties. By filling his face, is he really filling a deeper need? “I don’t eat that much!” he gasps, when I ask. I point out the last time we went to GBK he ordered two burgers. “How many times! I didn’t have fries. I had one burger and then I had another burger instead of my fries.” What about my friend H, who lives alone and often has to smoke one of her funny cigarettes of an evening just to stop the hours dragging? Is she not only filling her gap but trying to convince herself it doesn’t exist? And, if she succeeds, doesn’t she run the risk of smoking-out love from her life completely? It strikes me there are some gaps that can’t be filled. Some gaps you can only cover temporarily, whether it’s with a haze of smoke, a napkin at the end of a big meal, or a lot of new clothes. And just like the emperor in the story, I don’t think my new clothes have anyone fooled about what’s underneath.
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006_LS465_Pandora
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VBITES 07
GNOCCHI WITH SOYA BACON AND HAM IN A CREAM SAUCE
VBites of wisdom
Ingredients 1 packet VBites or Redwood Ham Style slices, roughly chopped (or another meatless option) 1 packet of VBites or Redwood Bacon style Rashers, roughly chopped (or another meatless option) 500g packet gnocchi Olive oil 1-2 onions 2-3 cloves of garlic 1-2 cartons soya cream 1 large sprig of parsley, finely chopped Sage, roughly chopped (optional) Sea salt and pepper to taste
Heather Mills on her new plans for using those ice skating skills
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y dance partner, Matt Evers, and I are launching a new team-building ice skating activity for corporate companies to improve team performance, build trust and motivation. The idea stems from our training for Dancing On Ice. When practising for the show, Matt and I had to trust one another immensely to enable us to perform the ice skating moves, positions and lifts. This goes for most team sports and corporate teams, but is particularly strong in something like ice skating where you rely on your partner so heavily. Team building in corporate settings has been done in many weird and wacky ways, from simple activities like board games to the extreme like tandem skydiving. It encourages individuals in companies to know one another outside a work setting, and gives a platform for more trusting relationships to be built.
“The ice skating Matt and I have put together will encourage workforces to practise skills and interact with each other” Corporate activities and team building highlight personality traits, for example if someone is a natural leader within a workforce, which can be beneficial for a company to help place people in suitable roles, programmes and departments. They can reiterate the dynamic that is already in place, or help to establish a new one. The ice skating programme Matt and I have put together will encourage workforces to practise skills that you often forget you use on a day to day basis; things like following instructions, absorbing information and conveying your message effectively are all strengths that can be essential to a team situation, both on the ice and in an office. Matt and I will take teams on to the ice and go through a series of exercises that encourage individuals to interact with one another. Depending on how quickly the techniques are picked up, we will decide the level of difficulty we can take the moves to. Not only will this be an excellent team-building exercise for corporate companies, it will also be great fun for everyone involved. For more information or to find out when we will be beginning this from please visit www.heathermills.org
Fancy having Heather Mills put your team through their paces? comment@thelatest.co.uk
Heather’s
DIARY
I
have been working really hard this last fortnight in preparation for the launch of my new cookbook. It will feature the latest in my range of vegan treats, with recipes to suit little ones and more substantial meals like curries to satisfy the more daring amongst you. The wide range of sweets and treats featured in the cookbook, will give you the opportunity to see how simple and easy it is to cook great quality, tasty and healthy vegan food from your own kitchen. Not of course that this should stop you coming down to my vegan restaurant, VBites, at Hove lagoon, to have it done for you. It features a range of recipes to suit the seasonal produce, with staple recipes that can be used all year round. It's perfect for both the beginner and the Delia Smiths out there!
Fit For All Fun Run
Kingsway, Hove Lagoon, Hove BN3 4LX 01273 933757 www.vbites.com See website for winter opening times
VBites have teamed up with Fit For All gym for our first Fun Run! It’s planned for early April, so that runners will be able to burn off all the extra Easter chocolate while raising money for a charity of your choice. More details coming soon so watch this space!
Method: 1 Bring a large pan of water to boil and add the gnocchi. Cook until just tender and drain. 2 While the gnocchi is cooking, finely chop the onion and garlic. 3 In a large frying pan add some olive oil and heat for 30 seconds. Then add the onion and garlic. 4 When softened, turn the heat to low and add the ham and bacon style pieces. Cook until warmed through. Be careful no to burn. 5 Now add the gnocchi to the frying pan and stir through until completely mixed. Keep the heat medium. 6 Then add the sage (if using), soya cream and salt and pepper. 7 Serve immediately and garnish with a generous helping of parsley. Best served with a huge green salad
Eco Veggie Fayre Look out for VBites at the Eco Veggie Fayre at Hove Town Hall on 20 Mar ch
see you – Heather
008_LS464_newsphil/Council
3/4/10
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08 LATEST NEWS
L7 News
7
days of headlines with Phil Mills
Masked protesters call on Cameron, £5,000 offered for burglars, and city gets poop patrol
F
rom man hunts to drum’n’bass crimes and some rather familiar-looking masked invaders, we’ve certainly had another colourful and varied week. An award of up to £5,000 has been offered in the search for two thieves who burgled homes in East Sussex in November. Sussex Police have worked with the independent organisation Crimestoppers to release an e-fit of a man who attacked 77year old William Skipper during one of the break-ins. The incident, which took place in Hadlow Down on 6 November, was followed shortly after by a burglary in Ditchling on 19 November. Meanwhile, Brighton Magistrates have fined a couple £1,930 for repeated noise offenses. Janis Boucher and Jamie Johnson of The
Highway, Moulsecoomb, were sentenced after repeatedly disturbing neighbours by playing loud drum’n’bass music, shouting, and clattering around their residence. They were also found guilty of breaching a noise abatement notice. On the subject of fines, dog owners who fail to clean up their pet’s mess will now be issued £80 on-the-spot fines by wardens patrolling dog-walking hotspots around the city. The council will be focusing on the Elm Grove, Brunswick Square, Queens Park Road, Westbourne Villas, Palmeira Square, Knowle Estate and Hangleton Park areas. Councillor Geoffrey Theobald, Cabinet Member for Environment, said: “The council is committed to creating a safe, pleasant and Photo: SNAP
healthy environment for our residents and visitors, and those who spoil our city will end up facing a fine. Allowing your dog to foul a public place is unpleasant, antisocial and also against the law.” Whether or not this is yet another excuse for the state to keep watchful tabs on the general public, it is hard not to agree that our streets would benefit greatly from more mindful dog owners. Talking of bad citizenship, a 62year-old cyclist was left seriously injured after a hit and run on Friday. The Hove man was knocked down by a white vehicle as he rode southwards along Montpelier Road at around 5.15pm. On other matters, one obvious way we, the public, can make an impact on the way the country operates is by voting in elections and (the occasional) referendums. And what better chance to have our say than by voting in a referendum on proposed changes to the electoral voting system? When the government announced plans for the UK-wide referendum last month, Cameron and the Conservatives opposed them, claiming it a waste of the taxpayer’s money. It is now uncertain as to whether the bill will become law before the next general election, and with the Tories still leading in the polls, it looks likely to never happen. In protest, the organisation Vote for a Change took to the seafront ahead of Cameron’s visit to the Brighton Centre on Saturday. Sporting cardboard face-masks of Cameron and his colleagues and a banner reading ‘How do you spell change?’ the group turned heads, and rightfully so. In protesting an issue as crucial as this, a fresh way of attracting attention is central, and what better place to set up camp than in Brighton? What do you think of the UK-wide referendum plans?
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Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on a city of conferences
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righton and Hove is one of the country’s leading venues for conferences and exhibitions and I am determined that it should remain so in the coming years. Last week I attended two conferences, both extremely high profile and both bringing major investment into the city. The first was the Conservative Party’s Spring Forum, which has returned to Brighton and Hove after a long absence. It was a very successful weekend and I hope marks a more permanent return to the city after the traumas of 1984 with the IRA bombing of the Grand Hotel.
Secondly, I spent a large part of last week at the Chartered Institute of Housing South East Conference, which received delegates from as far afield as South Africa to talk about some of the more pressing housing issues facing our respective nations. These are just two examples of an industry which is vitally important to the local economy. That is why it is crucial that we deliver a world class redevelopment of our flagship conference venue, the Brighton Centre, which is currently worth over £50 million a year to the city and which helps support over 1,500 local jobs. In July last year, Standard Life Investments – our private sector partner in this £400 million project – commissioned Make Architects to come up with some detailed plans for this ambitious project. But redevelopments on this scale are never simple (or
latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk [Re ‘Does the A27 Brighton Bypass need a spring clean?’ News, L7 463] It’s deplorable that the Highways Agency do little to address the litter issue. Winter would be the ideal time to remove the litter, some of which has been there for years. What is required is a city wide campaign to get the council and the Highways Agency to address what is not only a blight on the landscape, but an environmental issue. Charles Newport, by email I just read your item in L7 News. I too am appalled by the level of litter along the A27 but it seems the Highways Agency is not taking responsibility. They have suggested East Sussex County Council – who are yet to respond to me. Philip Rose, by email Dear Latest 7, the locally-based Bhopal Medical Appeal are now recruiting volunteers for Glastonbury’s 40th Festival (23-27 June). You get free entry in return for 4 x 6 hour litterpicking shifts (FriMon). As well as festival volunteers, we’re looking for local artists to help us spruce up our exhibition bus. Your readers may be aware of the Bhopal Bus – the BMA’s mobile exhibition built and converted lovingly by Brighton experts as well as a crew of dedicated volunteers. We made it back from our European tour in December – where we were out making noise about the 25th anniversary of the world’s worst industrial disaster. Anyone interested should contact us at the Bhopal Medical Appeal by visiting www.bhopal.org Becky Moss Communications & Information Officer, The Bhopal Medical Appeal You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH
latest7news
quick) and the recession has not made it any easier as developers up and down the country take stock. In the meantime, we have invested almost £1 million to give the existing centre a make-over. In the last couple of weeks we have secured another three major trade association conferences at the Centre. A top priority for me as Leader of the Council is delivering the stunning new conference centre that the city deserves. Because make no mistake, this redevelopment is vital for the continued economic prosperity of Brighton and Hove. (Do you offer conference facilities in Sussex? Promote yourself in Latest 7’s conference venues feature on 6 April and reach over 100,000 people. To book your space please call Advertising on 01273 818150).
009_LS465_Bookings-Comps-chart_009_LS465_Bookings/Comps/chart 05/03/2010 14:34 Page 1
BOOKINGS | COMPETITIONS | CHART 09
L7 Bookings
Sales Person
On sale this week…
required for busy advertising dept Latest Homes Ltd covers a variety of titles. Be a part of our creative team and work in a fast-paced environment, managing existing accounts and developing new client contacts. If you can answer yes to the following, then you could be who we are looking for to join our successful team. • Energetic & enthusiastic approach • Highly motivated with the ability to work as part of the team and on your own initiative • Organised and able to work to deadlines • Excellent customer service skills Apply by emailing your CV to lynne@thelatest.co.uk or call 01273 818150 ext 112 for an informal chat.
JOHN BARROWMAN Brighton Centre, 5 October, £19.50–£37.50, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Camper than a campsite at Christmas time, John Barrowman has twinkled mischievously as bisexual time bandit Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who and Torchwood, grinned cheesily from the judges bench on several reality-musical shows, and medley-d his way through his own primetime Saturday night show, Tonight's The Night. How do you step that up? A new album (out now) raiding the West End and Disney songbooks, and a role, just announced, in Desperate Housewives.
Concorde 2, 3 May, £16, www.concorde2.co.uk, 01273 673311 Country acid house blues from Brixton, best known for the Sopranos theme ‘Woke Up This Morning’, return for yet more crazed and contagious evangelising.
COMPETITIONS guns do battle, until hidden snipers take the tale on a terrifying turn. This is not a game! Q What word is this an anagram of: ‘pintallab’?
WIN!
A PAINTBALLING HORROR Do you like a bit of action? Partial to a spot of horror? Paintball delivers both in one hard splat. Eight strangers dropped in a forest with paint
3 Panos Christofi – I’ll Never Know 4 No Sharp Objects – Home 5 Panos Christofi – In My Mind 6 Mr Resonate – The Road To 2012 Vol. 5 7 Chaos Borne – I Will
10 Harper Ash – Dragonfly
Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 15 June, £15–£22.50, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Created for the 25th anniversary of the company, ‘Come, Been And Gone’ sees Clark return to his roots with a ’70s rock soundtrack of Bowie and The Velvets.
Out now on DVD, I Think We’re Alone Now is a fascinating documentary following the lives of two ‘super fans’ fixated with ‘80s pop-star Tiffany. Scary stuff. Q What was Tiffany’s 1987 number one hit?
2 Tenek – Submission
ALABAMA 3
MICHAEL CLARK COMPANY
A DATE WITH OBSESSION
1 Jaybee – The Wild Wild East
9 No Sharp Objects – The Wrong Kind of Love
Hanbury Club, 4 May, £9/8, tickets from Rounder (01273 325440), Resident (01273 606312), the Dome box office (01273 709709) or www.ticketweb.co.uk Canadian Mark Hamilton’s ramshackle chamber folk project deliver engagingly loose-knit whimsy and moments of shimmering melodic beauty.
Twilight star Robert Pattinson is apparently a bit of alright – he was voted Sexiest Man In The World by Glamour, no less. Accessall-areas documentary Robsessed charts his rise to International celebrity and all-round sex god status. Q What type of creature does Robert Pattinson play in the Twilight films?
Brighton Download Chart TOP 10 8 Latest
8 Harper Ash – Star
WOODPIGEON
ROBERT PATTINSON DVDS
To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart
GLEE SOUNDTRACK
Ahoy ‘Gleeks’. Glee is fast becoming the TV phenomenom of 2010. Those clever high-kicking kiddies have also caused a musical revolution. We’re giving away five CDs of the soundtrack, sung by the cast, including covers of Kanye West, Amy Winehouse and Rihanna. Q In which country is Glee set?
Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 22 March.
After a long exile, it’s a welcome return to the number one spot this week for pop singer-songwriter Jaybee, lending an element of Eastern promise with ‘The Wild Wild East’. Also making a return to the top five, we have dark cyber-pop sounds from Tenek with ‘Submission’. Meanwhile, last week’s number one, Panos Christofi’s ‘I’ll Never Know’ slides down to number three, as does rockers No Sharp Objects’ former number two, ‘Home’. Panos pops up again taking the number five spot, completing this week’s rundown.
11 Digitalis No Control
21 Chaos Borne The Moment
12 N-D-E Bad Habit
22 Freudstein Sister Sleaze
13 The Dilators You Got The Gun
23 Chaos Borne Watching
14 Harper Ash China Girl
24 The Woo!worths Idle Hands
15 Clockworks Fairytales
25 Jaybee Cowboys Blues
16 tenek If I Should Fall
26 Satta Untitled
17 tenek State Of Mind
27 Luckyhorse Dignity
18 NDE I got a feeling (B.E.P) NDE remix
28 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right
19 Panos Christofi Only The Night 20 Panos Christofi If You Do What You Always Do...
29 Vortex Generator Regenerate 30 The Wolfgirl Liberation The Company Of Wolves SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos
SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart
010_LS465_Snap Shots
3/5/10
2:20 PM
Page 2
10 SNAP SHOTS
Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: ghost hunter Scott Simpson
“
I saw my first ghost at the age of six and my interest in the afterlife became a lifetime obsession. Brighton is a great place for spiritual activity, especially the central area. There is the ‘grey lady’ who lives behind the dress circle in the Theatre Royal, and Brighton’s 19th century celebrity, Martha Gunn, is often to be found in the kitchens of the Royal Pavilion
Ghost hunter Scott Simpson, standing before the most haunted house in Brighton – the Royal Pavilion! Scott organizes fun ghost hunting evenings in paranormal locations around Brighton and Sussex. His next ghost hunt will take place at the Bluebell Railway on Saturday 13 March at 8pm. To book a place, or to contact Scott about bumps in the night, visit www.thespiritparlour.com
” the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all birthdays, weddings, civil partnerships, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights
call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk manchester street, brighton
tel. 01273 687171
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
011_LS465_celebcity
3/5/10
12:36 PM
Page 1
CELEBCITY 11
SPONSORED BY
Celebcity with Jo Brooks Banksy premiere paints the town, Marcus Brigstocke exits in comic style, and Ian Fleming’s nephew visits
Spray painting with the stars L
MARCUS’ MAD DASH Saturday night saw me bent double with laughter at the Marcus Brigstocke and Friends gig at the Theatre Royal in Brighton. Argumental host and SPOTTED! Radio 4 favourite Marcus had gathered The newly spliced Katie Reid together a gaggle of his best comedy friends, Price, arriving fashionably including Mark Steel and Brighton local late to last Saturday’s X Factor Alastair McGowan, to put on a benefit in matinee at the Brighton CenLive support of the Green Party. surrounded by nannies andtre, Not surprisingly the comedy was extremely helpers with the three political and not a night David Cameron (also little ones in tow. hosting a gig in town last weekend) would have enjoyed. The audience played their part, texting some of the naughtiest jokes of the night to Marcus to win a rather less than glamorous pot of humous. The comedy didn’t end there. While making my way home I spotted Marcus running hell for leather across the Brighton Station concourse in what looked like fancy dress: tweed suit, huge two-tone brogues, cape and an enormous tweed cap, heading for the London Victoria train. The large titfer must have obscured his view as he ran straight past the train bound for the capital and right down the wrong platform before doubling back with his cape and two satchels flapping in the wind, finally jumping on the right train with just seconds to spare. What a night!
ast Monday saw the UK premiere of the film by UK artist and Brighton favourite Banksy. I took the JBPR team along and we decamped onto the spray-on red carpet underneath Waterloo Station to manage the paparazzi pack (and believe me, a press pack of 30 snappers is quite hard to manage!) The film was being shown in a pop-up cinema inside the train arches right underneath the old Eurostar platforms and was complete with make-shift box office, fully flushing toilets, banksy art installations and the all important ice cream van providing freshly popped pop corn and bags of Haribo. BONDING OVER A GOOD BOOK As guests arrived, they were encouraged to make their mark on a bit of wall outside the tunnel entrance. The guest list was pretty stellar, including Mark To celebrate the launch of City Reads on World Book Day last Thursday, Ronson, Keith Allen, Daisy Lowe, Edith Bowman, Eliza Doolittle, Thandie Newton, I joined festival organisers Max Crisfield and Sarah Hutchings at their party Sean Pertwee and Rhys Ifans – who incidentally narrates the film. at myhotel. The book chosen for the 2010 City Reads is the Ian Fleming Bond But the star of the show had to be hot actress and daughter of Ray Winstone, classic, From Russia With Love – apparently one of JFK’s favourite tomes. Jaime Winstone, who arrived – in keeping with the evening – wearing a spray In attendance at BOTTLE (the café-bar in myhotel) was playwright and on body con catsuit that looked completely amazing. author Damian Barr, who will be appearing throughout April as On leaving the event, Jaime decided to literally spray the paps myhotel’s ‘reader in residence’. Damian will be reading excerpts with spray paint, which made for quite an interesting spectacle. from the book in the hotel’s SPOTTED! She did leave her mark, that's for sure. If you want to catch Exit penthouse while his audience Through The Gift Shop, it is currently showing at the Duke of sip vodka-martinis. David Cameron jogging on Yorks cinema in Preston Circus – it’s a must see! Guest of honour at the the seafront during the Conser vative Par ty Confere event was Robert Laycock, nce wearing black shorts and , Ian Flemings’ great nephew, T-shirt and being chased who spoke about his love for by TV cameras and paps. the book. We were all shaken and stirred by the fabulous entertainment – I do love a Bond theme! A whole programme of events (many free) will take place across the city until 28 May – click on www.cityreads.co.uk to get involved.
Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk
Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com
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10% service will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday, until 31 March. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.
012_LS465_cheeky/stars
4:16 PM
Page 2
ONLY JOKING!
Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
Spirit of dark and lonely water makes good on pledge
A
5
facts you never knew about fantabulous Hove
1
Hove’s only Christian martyr, St Barry, who was flayed alive on the orders of the borough council in 1956 for refusing to worship an idol of the wood god Baal, is the patron saint of sanitary workers.
2
In Hove it is illegal to purchase or vend Kraft’s Cracker Barrel if you are under the age of 25 and stand over 3ft 11 in your stockinged feet.
3
Terminator for exclusive rights and ownership of the famous catchphrase kept him out of action for decades, but, in January this year, they finally reached a settlement, leaving the Spirit free to plan his comeback. The Spirit’s empty cowl can be seen at Queen’s Park this Saturday, from 2 to 4.30pm. He will also be signing copies of his autobiography, Only a Fool Would Ignore This.
On 13June each year, Hove holds its own unique Donkey Derby. A vast replica of the Midlands railway city is constructed on the seafront, and donkeys are dressed to resemble its famous residents, with a donkey Joseph Wright, a donkey Florence Nightingale and a donkey Alan Bates. The event is so popular that plans are afoot to expand the event to include more Derbyshire towns, with a Donkey Edale, a Donkey Ilkeston and a Donkey Matlock Bath.
4
Hove resident Fatboy Slim is, according to a recent paper, published by scientists at the University of Basel, neither fat nor especially slim. The controversial study claims that the superstar DJ is of a healthy weight for his height, with an average body mass index.
5 NEWS IN BRIEF • Shoreham dad’s frankincense heartbreak • Gas leak ends in tragedy, comedy, low farce • Muppet gives birth to twins
• Hop-picking and wassailing most popular teenage hobbies survey claims • East Grinstead levelled • “My ‘My Hell’ Hell” – postmodernist speaks out
• Cat skinned different way • Magnusson: “I’m gonna sex you up” • Wooden man’s independent school mix-up. • A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.
The parish board of Hangleton has officially appointed a new court jester every year since 1236. Holders of the annual post have included such mountebanks as Michael Rod off Tomorrow’s World, Jacob Bronowski, Clement Attlee, General Zod, the Grape Ape, Dennis Neilson, Officer Dibble, the Queen Of The Night, that woman off the Shake ‘n’ Vac advert, Nikola Tesla, Bram Stoker, Chad, Nellie Pickersgill and Pope Alessandro Borgia.
In & Out SPECIAL OUTMODED STATIONERY EDITION
In • Treasury tags • Correction tape • Calculator pens • Foolscap • Letraset
Out • Brass paper clips • Ink ribbon • Blotter pads • Reinforcement rings • Rolodex
fter 37 years’ absence from Britain’s bodies of water, everybody’s favourite malignant child-drowning empty cowl is making a startling return, and he’s chosen the duck lake at Queen’s Park as the venue for his relaunch. “No-one will expect to find me there,” said the Spirit in a voice somewhat redolent of the late Donald Pleasence, “except, perhaps, anyone who reads this article. But there they’ll find me, ready, as always, to trap the foolish, the show-off and the unwary. It’ll be a gas.” The Spirit once haunted all dangerous-looking ponds and rivers, and scared a whole generation s***less. But after his plans to drown a scrawny, teenage lad were thwarted by some sensible children he had no power over, he retreated from the limelight. ‘I said “I’d be back”, but I’d no idea I’d have to wait this long,” said the Spirit. A lengthy court battle with the
Hove Factually
12
3/4/10
What we used to say An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of ghastly, overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms. WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Blue-sky thinking” A preposterous phrase beloved of business and new media a***holes to describe speculation free from the constraints of the present and mundane. WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “Imagination”
BARDSLEY’S
Astral Angi
Astral gets politically correct-ish
★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}
★CANCER {June 22–July 22}
★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}
★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}
★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}
★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}
★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}
★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}
★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}
★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}
★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}
★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}
Did you realise that you share your star sign with Nick Griffin? One can of course hope that that is all you share otherwise I might have to withdraw my services to you. Tony Blair is Taurean, and given recent claims one has to ask who really is the bull-like one in British politics. Sit on that front bench, Gordon and spin, spin, spin. Ken Livingstone is a Gemini, and never did a politician divide opinion so much. I like Mr Livingstone – what’s not to like about a man who has a fondness for pond life?
Edward Heath was a Cancer. He liked to spend his time sailing and conducting orchestras when not ruining, sorry running the country. He also enjoyed Chinese take-aways. Local Lib Demmer Norman Baker is a Leo and so is Barack Obama, and what a perfect match they make. Really, they don’t come more liberal than these two gentlemen. Yasser Arafat and William Howard Taft were both Virgos –but did they have anything in common. Taft nobly claimed that politics made him sick. Yasser won the Nobel Peace Prize.
David Cameron is Libran through and through. Bang in the middle of the Libran calendar, and as such he throws me into mental turmoil. I normally like Librans, really I do, but now... Scorpio Herman Van Rompuy – President of the European Council has an air of Scorpio about him. A sense of spreading success and confidence. Hoorah for him. Alistair Darling, darlings, is a darling little Sagi. Of course those darling snowy white locks should have been the giveaway. Maybe a daring but darling lavender rinse would help.
WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN
01273 681256
Nick Clegg is Capricorn but other than that I can find very little to say about the man. I Googled his name to research and my laptop went to sleep; sorry no more to report. Ronald Reagan was an Aquarian, a dreamer maybe – or was he merely asleep. In his later years rumour had it that his public appearances were made by a Jim Henson puppet. I knew there was something fishy about Gordon Brown. Is it that smile like a shocked cod? The chips are down Gordon, go to Bardsley’s and get battered.
013_LS465_interview
3/4/10
4:24 PM
Page 1
L7 INTERVIEW 13
Who is Dave Gorman? He’s a comic, he’s a writer, he’s a TV and radio show creator and presenter – and more recently he’s a cyclist, riding around Britain to out-of-the-way places for his entire tour last year. Dave Gorman talks to Victoria Nangle How did the cycle tour go? You know, I loved it. I was really scared going into it. You get fit really quickly if you cycle 50 miles a day. You've never slept more satisfyingly than if you've cycled 50 miles and done a two-hour show. You will sleep like a baby. It's really satisfying. I would rather be cycling than be in the passenger seat of a car. Did you have to train much for it? I did enough training to discover the mistakes you can make, like I had to change my saddle. Forgive me for what I am about to say, but I did a three day training ride where I did 90 miles a day, which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I ended up suffering from numb-penis syndrome. It lasted for 11 days. Be sure it is what is sounds like; it isn’t another syndrome that was discovered by Dr Numb-Penis. I didn't tell anyone, apart from my girlfriend. That was 11 days, including a weekend in Brighton to celebrate my girlfriend's birthday, so it was tricky. All I can tell you in hindsight is that I’m really glad I discovered that in training rather than on the tour itself. I was able to make the changes to stop it happening again. If it had happened on day four of the tour, I would have been stuck with another 30 days to go and being scared and not being able to stop. It would have been a horrible thing to say ‘I’m cancelling my tour people because I’ve got a numb penis’. You had a celebrity cyclist riding alongside you at one point... I got Chris Boardman, Olympic gold medal-winning cyclist – part of the British Olympic Research and Development Team. He came to see me in one of the gigs. It was in a tiny village near Kendal, which was a weird gig anyway – we had the vicar and his son doing the sounds and they had the police out to monitor the queue in case it kicked off. It was a little village hall – a most surreal experience. So he came to that show and then he said: ‘I’ll cycle with you to Carlisle tomorrow if you like’. I had arranged a human sat nav for that day, this lovely guy called Sean who had had heart bypass surgery. He nearly had another heart attack when he realised Chris Boardman was coming along as well. You couldn’t have had two more extreme companions: you had an Olympic gold medallist and a man who had had heart surgery, and me inbetween, cycling to Carlisle. It was one of the most enjoyable days of the whole tour. The highlight of my life was cycling up a little hill quite early on in that ride and Chris Boardman was behind me. He went: ‘Bloody hell Dave! you got some good calf muscles there!’. How lovely for an unfit 38-year-old to be told by an Olympic gold medallist that he’s got good muscles. I’ve never been happier. I couldn’t stop strutting for weeks, I just had to tell everyone. You’ve had some fantastic show ideas. Where do you get your inspiration from? Well the shows are normally about real life; they are about things that have happened to me rather
than ideas for the show, if you know what I mean. I’m generally playing about with what has happened to me. It’s not a meeting in a room with a blank sheet of paper thinking ‘what can I do a show about next?’ It’s me living life and then saying ‘cor, look at this thing that happened!’ Is that how this show came about? This show is about all sorts of stuff. As much as anything it’s actually about some smaller things, about why my mum is daft, in a way. If you’ve seen other things I’ve done– those long, long stories – then I think you’ll like this. It’s the same man talking and it’s the same world view, I guess, but I’m sure that sounds very pretentious – I hate myself now. But it’s still got some storytelling in it. I used to do just stand up, and at the time I was very young and I hadn’t really lived. It was all jokes; you could almost put them through computer software and give it a dictionary and it would turn out the jokes – because it wasn’t about personal experience, it was about wordplay. But I didn’t have anything personal to share, I was 19, I hadn’t done anything. I think that because it was like that when I started, it kind of stayed like that as I grew older. Then when I went back to doing stand up [last year] I was watching somebody else and they mentioned something that started a story in my head. I thought, ‘I’ll try telling the audience this story tonight.’ I went on and told them this story – it was about
“How lovely for an unfit 38-year-old to be told by an Olympic gold medallist that he’s got good muscles”
my dad – and it got a massive reaction. And I thought ‘that’s really weird because that story was about something that happened to me when I was touring stand up and I remember telling all my friends and it never occurred to me in my early twenties to put that into my stand up – that’s insane.’ I think I’ve loosened up and I’ve got a bit more prepared to be properly confessional and to share more of myself and to be more honest, which is partly just what happens as you get older – you’re not that bothered about trying to be cool or be well thought of, you can just be a bit more open and think, ‘ahh, it doesn’t matter’. You said you came to Brighton before. Any stories? I have done the London to Brighton bike ride a couple of times. The last time I did it I cycled home as well. That's me getting into cycling a bit too much. I thought it would be good training for the tour and I wanted to have a target, and I was slightly scared because I’m used to cycling in London where I know my way. I thought, I can do the London to Brighton because there are marshals and the route is monitored and it's safe because of the event going on. So I thought as an exercise I would go home as well. It was the first time I did a proper ride going from one city to another on my own. It hurt like hell. Near Gatwick I was thinking of stopping and just getting a hotel. I went through 10 miles thinking ‘why isn't there a hotel?’. Then I got so close to home that it was ridiculous to not finish the ride. I got a real weird burst of energy in the last five miles when I realised I was close. I couldn't walk the next day. Dave Gorman: Sit Down, Pedal, Pedal, Stop and Stand Up is at the Theatre Royal, Brighton, Sunday 14 March, 08448 717650, www.ambassadortickets.com
IFC_LS645_BrightonCentre
3/4/10
2:05 PM
Page 1
015_LS465_Festival
3/4/10
12:50 PM
Page 1
COVER FEATURE 15 Rex Features
Bodies in Urban Spaces
BRIGHT SPARKS An eclectic mix of iconic artists and unique works brings Brighton Festival to fruition
W
ith Brian Eno presiding as Guest Artistic Director and a programme of over 240 performances crammed into just three weeks, Brighton Festival brings you the very best in international music, dance, theatre, books and debates, outdoor performance and family events. Highlights this year include Brian Eno’s iconic installation, 77 Million Paintings, at Fabrica, and three unique music events: Apollo: This Is For All Mankind with Icebreaker and BJ Cole; This Is Acappella! featuring Reggie Watts, The Persuasions and Naturally 7; and This is Pure Scenius! – three consecutive experimental performances featuring The Necks, Karl Hyde, Leo Abrahams and Jon Hopkins. Eno’s influence continues across the Festival programme as his eclectic and open fascination for ideas is reflected in discussions, talks and theatrical performances exploring the individual, society, technology and what the future might hold. Brighton Dome and Festival’s resident and associate companies feature, with Hofesh Shechter Company’s new full-length dance piece Political Mother and dreamthinkspeak’s site-responsive production Before I Sleep inspired by The Cherry Orchard. Rimini Protokoll are back with Best Before, a UK premiere and Brighton Festival commission that lets the audience decide on the action in a unique gaming experience. The Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra premieres Howard Goodall’s new score to Oscar Wilde’s family friendly tale The Selfish Giant, a commission by the Festival, and Daniel Veronese’s contemporary reworking of Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya also receives its UK premiere. HQ is the new pop-up canteen and late night performance bar which opens at Brighton Dome to all Festival goers and will be an experience not to be missed. “This Festival’s reputation rests on its commitment to presenting new and original talent in unexpected combinations – crossing the boundaries with ease and lightness. I’m excited about working in Brighton: I love the city, and I have great respect for the Festival, which has consistently placed itself at the cutting edge of the creative arts in Britain. I hope this edition of it will exercise the benefits of keeping the mind open and awake and clear of boundaries and snobberies.” – Brian Eno (Guest Artistic Director). The spark that brings Brighton Festival to life is its audience. Pick up a brochure or go online to become part of the action. Brighton Festival, 1–23 May, 01273 709709, www.brightonfestival.org
Macbeth
Hofesh Shechter Company’s Before I Sleep
016_LS465_Ads
3/4/10
5:08 PM
Page 2
16
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017_LS465_Sole Sister
3/4/10
6:14 PM
Page 1
SOLE SISTER 17
ON THE RUN
Sole Sister Foot Care Clinic has advice for the thousands gearing up to run a marathon
A
s marathon fever grips the city and the usual few hardy Sunday morning runners turn into a virtual stampede on the over cliff, the residents of Brighton and Hove are becoming acutely aware of their legs and feet. The gait cycle in running is different from walking with energy absorption and weight acceptance being a key function when the foot is load bearing. Ground reaction force may reach 2.2 times body weight in running against 1.1 in walking. As a result the stresses on the whole body and especially the lower limbs are huge. Pronation occurs as a major mechanism of shock absorption and helps the foot dissipate energy as it conforms to the ground. Greater degrees of pronation occur in running than walking. Due to the stresses placed on the foot, good running shoes are essential: they should be neutral, have a firm heel cup and a shockabsorbing sole. If extra support is required the runner should have a full biomechanical assessment by a podiatrist that looks at all aspects of gait analysis, muscle flexibility,
Calf stretch
range of motion and foot function. Then, if required, a bespoke support can be manufactured and worn in the shoe. Stretching and muscle strengthening is essential as runners require more from their joints and increased range of motion than walkers. Three key areas to stretch are the calf
forward and causing black toenails. As mileage is increased and greater demands are placed on the legs and feet then injury are more likely to occur. The most common site for running injuries is the knee. To minimise any injury and to reduce any interruption to training schedules then early treatment is vital. After running the injured site should be elevated and iced and rested. Do not try and run through the pain; you will heal quicker if rested. If after a week the injury shows no sign of improvement then a podiatrist or physiotherapist should be contacted. Sole Sister Foot Care Clinic, 136a Preston Drove, Brighton, BN1 6FJ, 01273 553863, www.solesister.co.uk (For more on running, read Marathon Mary’s sports column, page 28.)
Hamstring stretch
muscles, the hamstrings and the Illiotibial band. The faster the runner the more flexibility and eccentric muscle strength is required. Stretches should be done daily and not just after running. General foot health is exceptionally important. Feet should be washed daily and dried well between the toes. Toenails should be cut short and in line with the top of the toe. Avoid sharp corners from cutting nails straight across, but do not cut down the sides of the nails as this can encourage in-growing toe nails. Socks should be cotton and changed daily and for each run. When trainers are put on, the foot should be kicked back into the heel cup and laced tightly to avoid sliding
Illio tibial band stretch
019_LS465_food
3/4/10
2:40 PM
Page 1
ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 19
Food & Drink Andrew Kay, inspired by marathon runners, fills his boots at Queens Park’s Home Café
Home comfort I
t was the wettest of Sundays and the seafront was awash with washed out and washed up half marathon runners looking like bedraggled oven-ready chickens in their Bacofoil wraps. Strangely, it made me hungry, and with Mr R on his sickbed and nothing in the cupboard, I gave Mr L a call and suggested brunch at Home Café in Queens Park. Home is a much neglected favourite of mine and one that I have written about before. So in a sense this would be a test: would Home live up to my favourable reviews and memories? I was already craving a fish finger sandwich and I hoped above all that their range of cakes would be as tempting as the last time. Home may well call itself a café, but in my opinion it is far more like the tea rooms of my Lancashire childhood where you could get everything from a Chorley cake to a cottage pie. Home has that sort of appeal, with people going there for a snack – an indulgence even – or a full-on hearty meal. Despite – or because of – the teeming rain, Home was choca, with barely a seat to be had. We were just in time to snaffle the last table for two before a massive group came in demanding coffee and cooked breakfasts all round.
“We decided that the two specials would hit the spot, especially if supplemented by a shared fish finger sandwich. What piggies!” Mr L and I were in a far more sophisticated mood and went straight to the ‘specials’ board for inspiration. Oh yes, and we already had a large glass of dry white for me and the Bloody Mary that I loved so much last time for Mr L. It certainly put a smile on his face which he attributed to a sharp hit of grated horseradish and a slosh of vermouth. We finally decided that the two specials would hit the spot, especially if supplemented by a shared fish finger sandwich. What piggies! Mr L was to tackle a dish of crispy bacon served with scrambled eggs, American pancakes and lashings of maple syrup. Oh, how wrong syrup and bacon may sound but how right it tastes. It was good bacon too, nice thick back rashers and not that weird crispy thin stuff or the insult of overpriced pancetta. It kept him quiet for quite some time, no mean feat I might add. I tucked into bubble and squeak with grilled smoked mackerel and poached egg. I come from a part of the country where bubble and squeak is an alien concept. But I grew to love it when I moved south. This bubble was so good that it eclipsed both the fish and the egg – not that they were bad either. In fact, all the ingredients were top notch. But you know how it is, when something is so good that it makes you sigh like a satisfied pussy cat... As for the fish finger sandwich, well what’s not to like? I did take the top lid off my bit as a half hearted gesture towards restraint and also in anticipation of a slice of a very handsome cheesecake that I could see lurking on the counter like some buxom culinary whore, winking at me and promising to envelope me in its welcoming folds.
In the end we tucked into a plate of cakes, sharing them all. The cheesecake certainly came up to scratch, matching my favourite which comes from a patisserie in East Sheen. Oh, how I have fantasised over that saucy minx. There was also a very creditable Millionaire’s Shortbread, lemon drizzle cake and a deeply chocolatey brownie that could easily have been leader of the pack. I was most excited about the promise of an Eccles cake. Now the pastries of Lancashire are a passion of mine and a delight that I genuinely miss. My mum makes most of them brilliantly and her egg custard tarts make softie southern impostors look like badly lanced boils. Her’s tremble like tender flesh in a cloak of whispering shortcrust pastry. The Home Eccles cake was damned good, OK, it didn’t drive me to the excesses of my last sentence, but it certainly put a smile on my face, even if it did have candied peel in it. Not that I dislike candied peel but back home they seldom do. The pastry though was exemplary. We finished with a brace of large espressos. A perfect end we thought, if they were going to be hot and strong. And so they were, robust and piping hot, the perfect end to an excellent and very affordable Sunday Brunch. Home, 32 Egremont Place, Brighton, BN2 OGA, 01273 674456, www.homebrighton.co.uk Who cooks the best homely food? andrew@thelatest.co.uk
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latestandrew
020_LS465_Hotlist
3/4/10
1:15 PM
Page 2
20 HOTLIST
L7 Hotlist
L’Église
Eateries and bars catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk Restaurants British & modern European
Chinese
Bardsley’s
Gars Restaurant
Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256
This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10. 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk
The Gallery
French
The Gallery restaurant is an independent British restaurant located in the heart of Brighton’s Lanes. The Gallery prides itself in serving the very best fresh, locally sourced and seasonal menu created by their head chef Mosa Jobi. Mosa joined the team in 2007 from the Dorchester Mayfair Hotel in London and has taken the restaurant from strength to strength. The Gallery restaurant offers a warm, personable environment to celebrate any occasion. The Gallery Restaurant, 28 East Street, Brighton, BN11HL, 01273 773327
Koba Bar and Venue
Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order. 48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412
New Steine Bistro
Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059
This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three , Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm. 10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp
The Restaurant At Drakes
L’Église
Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Winner of two coveted AA Rosettes, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Twocourse menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people. The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com
Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French roast. 196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk
Indian Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk
The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature. 42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk
the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95. 16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk
Thai Sabai Thai Gastrobar Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95. Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays. 165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk
Coffee shops
Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori
Spinelli Coffee
Established in 1987 and set in a 16th century building, Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori carefully blends Bangladeshi & Indian influences, creating great food and an atmosphere with a difference. It’s not just a meal, but an experience. Why not come down and see for yourself? Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori, 130–136 Old London Road, Patcham, Brighton, BN1 8YA, 01273 507075
Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi.Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819
Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk
Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with
Check out Andrew Kay’s comprehensive Brighton, Hove and Sussex Food & Drink directory online at www.thelatest.co.uk
To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Advertising today on 01273 818150
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> send your stage listings to stage@thelatest.co.uk
L7 WHAT’S ON
> Tuesday 9 to Monday 15 March>
Stage
Stars over Chichester Andrew Kay previews the exciting 2010 Chichester Festival programme
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t hardly seems a minute has passed since we were all shaking our heads and worrying about the future of Chichester Fesival Theatre. Long seen as the must-do season for both actors and audiences, a few years back it seemed that things had gone sadly astray. But not anymore. The last few seasons have seen the popular venue not only return to form but far exceed it. The directors have formed a cohesive strategy that balances the new with the old, the popular with the more challenging, and put together seasons that draw wide audiences, with shows attaining massive critical acclaim – not only in Chichester but nationally and in the West End too. The 2010 season recently annouced promises a programme that embraces all of these elements and, with them, a stellar cast of theatrical names. Patrick Stewart is one of the hottest names in theatre right now and he returns in a new play, Bingo, by Edward Bond about Shakespeare. Stewart will play the Bard as he faces losing the land he owns in a King Lear-like scenario. With Stewart riding high after his massively acclaimed
Macbeth and Waiting For Godot, Bingo is sure to be this season’s hottest ticket. (From 15 April.) Or is it? Who will want to miss Rupert Everett and Stephanie Cole in Shaw’s Pygmalion. There’s no need to explain the plot, even it is better known for its musical version. But the chance to see Everett on stage as Henry Higgins is a must. (From 9 July.) Howard Brenton brings a new adaptation of the classic The Ragged Trousered Philanthropist. Brenton’s career is larded with successes and he will no doubt bring a new edge to this story of survival in the working classes. (From 15 July.) Ibsen’s masterpiece, The Master Builder, arrives in a new translation by David Edgar and starring Michael Pennington. Pennington plays Halvard Solness, an architect who at the end of his career is inspired to build one last fine building by a younger woman in a story of dark obsession. (From 9 September.) Brian Friel, author of Dancing At Lughnasa, adapts Turgenev’s A Month In The Country continuing the festival’s passion for the great works of Russian drama. The play,
Stagelistings > Tuesday 9 to Monday 22 March > THE BASEMENT, BRIGHTON 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com This Is Now Dance duo New Art Club deconstruct the first Now That’s What I Call Music CD from the ’80s. >11 Mar, 7.30pm, £8 BRIGHTON DOME, CONCERT HALL 01273 700747 www.brightondome.org London Philharmonic Orchestra Ravel’s Mother Goose Suite, Schumann’s Piano Concerto, Brahms’ Symphony No. 2, with Gunther Herbig (conductor) and Hélène Grimaud (piano). >13 Mar, 7.30pm, £10–£32.50 Richard Alston Dance Company Triple bill of contemporary dance from ‘the finest choreographer the British modern
dance scene has ever known!’ – New York Times. >16–17 Mar, 8pm, £7.50–£17.50 BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE 01273 777748 www.the-little.co.uk The Seagull Anton Chekhov’s classic, translated by Tom Stoppard. >9–13 March, 7.30pm, £7.50 CRAWLEY: THE HAWTH 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Ballet Boyz All-male dance troupe – a re-working of Russell Maliphant’s Torsion. >12 March, 7.30pm, £16 EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk
STAGE 21
while looking seriously at Natalya’s hopeless obsession with her son’s young tutor, has moments of great humour too. (From 24 September.) For those of us who missed Enron when it started its enormous journey of success last year in Chichester, it returns for one week this season. The brilliant collaboration of writer Lucy Prebble with hot director Rupert Goold gave the Festival the National hit it so deserves. Not to be missed. (From 10 September.) No Chichester season would be complete without a big crowdpleasing musical. Last year’s
Oklahoma was a smash hit that, and this year we have a toe-tapping treat with 42nd Street. Packed with period hits, it charts the rise of showgirl Peggy Sawyer from the chorus to Broadway star. Be prepared for toe-tapping dance routines and plenty of nostalgia. (From 21 June.) There is also the world premiere of Love Story – yes, the giant weepy movie, in a new musical adaptation by Howard Goodall and Stephen Clark. Goodall seems to have the golden touch so expect great tunes and don’t forget to pack a box of tissues. (From 29 May.) There are many more productions in the new season including a new stage version of Yes Prime Minister and a dash of Sheridan and Stoppard too. For full details go to www.cft.org 01243 781312.
Michael Pennington in The Master Builder
My Wonderful Day New play, written and directed by Alan Ayckbourn, fresh from New York. Covers regular Aykbourn material but through the eyes of a nineyear-old... >15–20 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50 Journey’s End Icarus Theatre Collective and Original Theatre Company present this compelling play based on R. C. Sherriff's own experience in the trenches of WWI. >22–27 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50 THEATRE ROYAL BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Hedda Gabler Ibsen’s classic story stars Rosamund Pike and Tim McInnerny. >8–13 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 Wife After Death Fast-paced comedy starring Tom Conti. >17–20 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee
Thu & Sat, £13–£28 One Man Lord of the Rings Charles Ross, hurtles through the Tolkien trilogy – in just 3,600 seconds. >24 Mar, 7.30pm, £13–£28 UPSTAIRS AT THREE AND TEN, BRIGHTON 07800 983 290 www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk Huis Clos (No Exit.) Jean-Paul Sarte’s 1944 play about three people who have died and are encaptured in a room without windows. Presented by Brighton Young Actors Theatre Company. >9–11 Mar, 7.30pm, £6 WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE 01903 206206 Dad’s Army Marches On To celebrate 70 years of the Home Guard, Dad’s Army returns to the stage with a brand new adaptation of the classic sitcom. >8–13 March, 7.30pm, 2pm matinee Thu & 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22
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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS
Clublistings
Musiclistings
> Tuesday 9 March to Monday 15 March > > send your club listings to clubs@thelatest.co.uk
> Tuesday 9 to Monday 15 March > > send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk TUESDAY 9 > Komedia, 8pm, £12
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his generation’, others 'Revelatory'. 11pm–5am, £10 DIGITAL Stonelove. 11pm–3am, £4 HONEY CLUB Wasted UV Rave. Dance, Indie, Electro and classic ‘90s rave ignite the UV wonderland! 10.30pm, £5/3 INK Kidology – 'Shine On' Launch Party. Uberglam night filled with big uplifting vocal house beats! 9pm–4am, free JAM Don’t Stop Believing. Pop and indie guilty pleasures. 11pm–3am, free KOMEDIA Balkaneasca. A wild, frenzied mix of brass-heavy Gypsy beats. 11pm, £8/6 LIFE Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box. Fidget, bass and firing electro. 11pm–3am, £6/4 THE LOFT Malicious. Alternative sleaze and cheese with Pete Von Sleaze! 10pm, £5/free VOLKS Psyence. Psytrance party vibes. 11pm–8am, £tbc
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FORTIES TO THE NOUGHTIES Time to take a joyride in Doc Brown's DeLorean as we do the last 70 years in one eighthour marathon bash! Winner of the 'Smirnoff Creative Grant' no expense is spared as we roll through the best bits of each decade all set to a visual projection of our epic history. Lurch forth into the hay days of burlesque, Lindy Hop and rock’n’roll to the glitzy cat-suited, hip-popping days of disco and funk! Plus live breakdancing from the floor crusaders, a lyrical assault from Rap Cipher and some stormin' rave and glitch hop with the Freestylers. So, slip into your radiation suit and before you know it it’ll be time for breakfast. Saturday 13 March, Concorde 2
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SATURDAY 13 AUDIO Summer Of Love. House, electro and techno. 11pm–4am, free BRIGHTON COALITION Floorplay. Bouncy electrohouse, tech and energetic classics from our hard-working B-Town DJ duo plus James Wilkinson. 10.30pm, £10-7 CONCORDE 2 Forties to the Noughties. See highlight. 9pm–5am, £8 DIGITAL Wax:On. Hearing is believing with electronic idol and innovative godfather, Erol Alkan! 11pm–4am, £11 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 JAM Banned. May contain nuts. Featuring Zevicon. 10pm–3am, free KOMEDIA Brighton Rock. Classic rock and metal from the last four decades. 11pm, £8/6 KOMEDIA Stone To The Bone. A sublime cocktail of soul, funk and jazz. 11pm, £5 LIFE Hold Up. Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 THE HOPE Slip Jam:B. Open mic hip-hop jam, with DJs, Live PAs and more. 9pm–2am, free VOLKS Black Box. Bringing the sickest of Techno for your audio pleasure from Paul Langley and Tony Montana. 11pm, £6/8
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TUESDAY 9 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE San Frandisco. Lively disco beats. 11pm–3am, free HONEY CLUB Indie Rocks. 11pm–3am, £2/1 JAM Pot Kettle Black. Spanking new indie bash playing retro to now. 10pm–2am, £2/1 LIFE The Vice Social. Dirty mash-ups and filthy beats. 10pm–2.30am, free b4 11, £3/2 after PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, free/£3
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WEDNESDAY 10 AUDIO Supercharged. Bringing in the ‘Street Bass’ it’s Philly’s finest, Starkey, plus king dub, Rusko. 11pm–2.30am, £6/4 BRIGHTON COALITION Remedy. A midweek innoculation of chart, pop, R'n'B, dance, indie, electro and rock! 10.30pm, £3/free DIGITAL The Poundance. 11pm–3am, £1 LIFE Broke. Wonky glitch-hop, cutting edge dubstep, jungle, breaks and splatterings of liquid D’n’B. 10.30pm–2.30am, £4/1
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BRIGHTON COALITION Secret Discotheque. 10.30pm–3.30am, £3/2 DIGITAL Thursday Club with Subsplash. With Datsik, Trolley Snatcha, Flux Pavillion and Cookie Monsta! 11pm, £5 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Steady On. 10.30pm–3.30am, free JAM Thursday Night Fish Fry. ’50s R’n’B and original Jamaican ska. 10pm, £3 VOLKS Skank. Dubstep, tribal dub, ghetto bass and grime. 11pm–4am, £5/3
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FRIDAY 12 CONCORDE 2 A Beat Redemption Special. Mary Anne Hobbs called Flying Lotus the 'Hendrix of
David Bowie Tribute Night You don't get many tributes to the Thin White Duke passing through Brighton, so why not snap this up? Komedia, 8pm, £12 Mumford and Sons London folk kids purveying a madly catchy, high quality brand of pop-folk. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £12 The Peacocks + The Hotlines Swiss punks. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £8.50 Think Floyd A tribute to Pink Floyd. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £15 Two Spot Gobi Brightonian acoustic soul. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £5
WEDNESDAY 10
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Jethro Tull Somewhat silly prog-rockers from the ‘60s with an unhealthy flute fixation. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £23.50–£28.50 Jouis + The Sly Tones + Illustrators Six piece playing psychedelic jazz supported by sixties organ rock-lovers The Sly Tones. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4 Katherine Jenkins Welsh Mezzo Soprano and one Britain’s most successful crossover classical pop stars of all time. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £37.50–55 Kids Love Lies Pixies-influenced post-punks. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £6
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THURSDAY 11 Grizzly Bear + Beach House Brooklyn indie rockers blending West Coast surf-pop majesty with slightly mathy credentials. Corn Exchange, 8pm, £16 Levi Roots + Maffia + Fluxy Brixton UK reggae star perhaps more known for his 'Reggae Reggae' barbecue sauce! Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £14 The Spirit Of Gravity: Grasscut + Hellboy + Broken Star Experimental electronic music night. Komedia, 8pm, £4/5 Perils + Dirty Scavenger + Brownstar + Portslade Local bands (including Portslade, selected as the most popular band in this magazine’s Latest Brighton Download Chart’s history) play the Unsigned Band Review’s first Brighton-based demo night, with a free singles release package from Zimbalam up for grabs for the first 50 demos through the door. Prince Albert, 7pm, £5
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SATURDAY 13 Big Wheels Review Detroit music covers night. Latest Musicbar, 7.30pm, £10/8 Chris Rea Isn’t it supposed to be Mother's Day weekend? Anyway, here’s a bit of Dadrock for you old-timers. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £29.50 James Taylor Quartet Peel-endorsed jazz/R’n’B/boogaloo crossover. Komedia, 8pm, £15 London Philharmonic Orchestra Classical concert featuring pianist Helene Grimaud playing Ravel, Schumann and Brahms. Brighton Dome, 7.30pm, £10–£32.50
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SUNDAY 14 Sam Chara Sings Edith Piaf The local vocalists covers Piaf, Leonard Cohen and Billie Holiday. Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £5 Tenebrous Liar Room-shakingly enjoyably dark rockers who have supported Nick Cave. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £4
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MONDAY 15 The Ukulele Research and Development Society Open-Mic: The Half Sisters Open mic night featuring local act The Half Sisters. Latest Musicbar, 7.30pm, £2 or free for those performing. Nick Aldwinckle
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THURSDAY 11
Idlewild Think a ’90s Biffy Clyro and you're not far wrong. Indie-rock Britpop survivors. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £15 Memory Tapes Retro-sounding indie-disco enthusiasts from New Jersey. Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £6 Oddfellows Casino + Crayola Lectern Idiosyncratic, psychedelic rock. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £5 Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Show Tribute show covering the entirety of the Beatles’ classic album. Brighton Centre, 8pm, £25.03 The Blue Light Initiative: The Bobby McGee’s + The Beautiful Word + The Stars Down To Earth + Yokoko Strong line-up of local bands including winsome folksters The Beautiful Word and cabaret mentallists The Bobby McGee’s. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4 The Stranglers The punk veterans of more than 35 years return. Brighton Dome, 8pm, £23.50
BRIGHTON COALITION Frequency. Delivering a range of house/breaks/electro. 10pm, free HONEY CLUB Spectrum. Electro & Classic House for connoisseurs. 10.30pm, £2/1
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MONDAY 15 AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to dancehall. 11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays. 10.30pm–3am, £3/free LIFE AKA AKA ROAR. Sounds from the full dub-step spectrum, past and future. 10pm–2.30am, £2 b4 12
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FRIDAY 12 follow me on twitter
latestjaime
Book yours now at Latest Musicbar. Every Saturday in April now booked but dates in May onwards available.
Brighton Jazz Club Weekly gathering for jazz musicians and fans alike with live performance.
To advertise here costs only £20 Call Advertising now!
01273 818150
Call Ruth or Angi 01273 687171
Tenebrous Liar
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> send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk Musichighlights
Music
> Tuesday 9 to Monday 15 March >
THE STRANGLERS The Stranglers’ straight-talking approach gave them a reputation for being aggressive and confrontational, which saw them embraced by the punk movement of ’77. From their debut album, Rattus Norvegicus they seemingly produced hit after hit until the mid ’80s. Overall they’ve racked up over 24 top 40 singles and 18 top 40 albums. Not bad. Tuesday 9 March, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome
MUSIC 23
With Jeff Hemmings
JOUIS + SLYTONES + ILLUSTRATORS Great line up of interesting Brighton bands headed by six-piece Jouis, a melodic, folk-tinged, ’60s-inspired indie band. The Slytones Doorsesque garage-psychedelia and the excellent progressive rock tendencies of Illustrators should make this an interesting evening. Wednesday 10 March, Latest Musicbar
GRIZZLY BEAR American underground outfit who have built up a considerable following over here thanks to their uplifting yet experimental melange of psychedelic pop, folk rock and eerie vocal harmonies, a little reminiscent of The Beach Boys. Much loved by the musical cognescenti, they have played with Paul Simon and supported Radiohead on their American tour last year. Thursday 11 March, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome
WHEN DARKNESS FALLS Martyn Jacques of Brechtian punks The Tiger Lillies on being inspired by brothels, jailbirds and the odd bloodcurdling scream
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MUMFORD & SONS ‘Gentlemen of the road’, British folk rockers Mumford & Sons play their biggest headline tour to date following the widespread critical and popular acclaim for their debut album Sigh No More. Part of the London folk scene that has spawned Johnny Flynn, Noah And The Whale and Laura Marling, they’ve achieved a remarkable degree of success in just their two years together as a band. Friday 12 March, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome
n simplistic terms I would say we are a dark, musical version of Tim Burton with lots of comedy references,” says Martyn Jacques, the founder of long-time Komedia favourites The Tiger Lillies. But while Burton stays just on the right side of good taste, The Lillies have courted controversy in the past with songs about bestiality, prostitution and blasphemy, and continue to spread their macabre gospel. “Living above a Soho brothel was a big inspiration in terms of subjct matter,” explains Jacques. “I had a market stall for a while, selling marijuana-smoking paraphernalia – chillums and pipes – with two other strange men. One of them was an old jailbird and druggie, and the other used to have birds singing on a ghetto blaster. This market stall was beautiful, covered in flowers, like an altar, with birds whistling – the other stallholders were freaked out. There were also heroin dealers living downstairs. “One day, I heard this blood-curdling scream in the street, and this scream started coming up the stairs, and went into the room underneath me. I went down and the dealer had his face cut from cheek to cheek. Obviously a Triad, heroin thing. So it wasn't necessarily great, but from a songwriting point of view it was good material and very inspiring for me, because later, when I formed The Tiger Lillies, I used a lot of this stuff. I always think of Toulouse-Lautrec, hanging round in brothels. I think for an artist it’s good experience!”
Influenced by the likes of The Marx Brothers, gyspy music, David Lynch, Brecht, Kurt Weill, Nick Cave, Tom Waits, and, of course, Tim Burton, Jacques found his biggest musical inspiration in The Threepenny Opera. “I loved the instrumentation, and the pump organs... mostly the version with Lotte Lenya singing in german.” Now The Tiger Lillies have accrued their own famous fans... “Mel Brooks, Marilyn Manson, Barry Humphries... what's the guy from The Simpsons... Matt Groening!” Where do get your inspiration now? “Oh, all sorts of places. I’m fascinated by those who have a sense of tragedy about them or those who have broken down the barriers of normal existence. For example, I was recently in Madrid and met a photographer who was an ex-junkie, real hard-core. His work was amazing and he said that photography saved him.” A Tiger Lillies show is always entertaining and yet sometimes disconcerting. “I think it’s because we manage to connect with our audience even though we’re weird and non-conformist. Ultimately, we aim to entertain and the show is designed to create tension and confusion. It's not for the faint-hearted! If I manage to shock, then I’m succeeding in my aim!.” The Tiger Lillies, 18 March, Komedia
follow me on twitter
latestjeff
19th MARCH
Friday 12th March £15
CONCORDE 2 Doors 7pm Show 7.30pm
www.concorde2.co.uk
01273 673311
STEVE SPALL & GUESTS For bookings call 01825 790200
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EVENTS | ART
Eventspreview
Arthighlights
> Tuesday 9 March to Monday 15 March > > send your events listings to events@thelatest.co.uk
> Tuesday 9 – Monday 15 March > > send your art listings to art@thelatest.co.uk
THE CITY READS 2010
The Moving Image
Following the launch last week, The City Reads continues this month right through to May, with a number of events – the majority of which are based at Jubilee Library. This year's ‘City Read’ is Ian Fleming’s From Russia With Love. Your mission – should you choose to accept it – is to read Fleming’s 1957 Bond classic between now and 28 May, and make this the city’s biggest and best collective read ever. Events this week include a free screening of Thunderball on Sunday 14 March, 1pm at Jubilee Library – just one in a series of free screenings of Bond movies all featuring Sean Connery (who is, for many, the seminal 007). Once you’ve read the book, or if you’ve done so already, share your thoughts on From Russia with Love and all things Bond at free library readings/coffee mornings across Brighton and Hove. This week’s reading is with actress Peta Taylor on Saturday 13 March, 11.30am at Hove Library. City Reads 2010, until 28 May. For full details of all events visit www.city reads.co.uk. The City Reads guide is now out and available from all Brighton libraries.
19th century photographer Eadweard Muybridge was the first to develop photographic sequences of moving objects. Designed with children in mind, this exhibition shows how movement and time is captured in art and photography – even in a static image. Using Muybridge’s studies alongside selected works from the museum’s Fine Art Collection. The Moving Image, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, 01273 290900. Until September 2010.
Emiko Aida and Sarah Cox Local ceramist Sarah Cox, together with her whimsical birds and animals, joins Japaneseborn painter and printmaker, Emiko Aida, in this exhibition. Hastings Weekend Gallery has recently been authorised to offer interestfree loans to buy artwork so now visitors can take a masterpiece home. Sarah Cox and Emiko Aida, Weekend Gallery, Hastings, 01424 719296. Until 5 April. Barbara Hepworth
THU 11 – SAT 13
De La Warr Pavilion
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FRIDAY 12 MARCH I Believe (Tales from the Edge of Everything) Inspired by the current Richard Grayson exhibition, the Red Velvet Curtain Cult artists present a multi-media theatrical evening using live art, intervention, installation, audio and film, serenaded by DJ Sy Hackney with music from The Teeth. Expect the the playful, macabre, surreal,
The Dark Monarch Enter a dark fairytale of shadowy landscapes, mysterious figures, the secret and the supernatural in this fantastic exhibtion. Taking its title from the infamous book by Sven Berlin, The Dark Monarch explores how folklore, mysticism, mythology and the occult have all infleunced British art over the last 100 years. Includes work by Damien Hirst, Barbara Hepworth and Graham Sutherland. The Dark Monarch, Towner Art Gallery, Eastbourne, 01323 434660. Until 21 March.
Events highlights 20th Sussex Beer & Cider Festival Sussex CAMRA presents the 20th Sussex Beer and Cider Festival Sales of real ale are on the increase and a record number of beers – well over 220 – will be available this year plus a large selection of ciders, perries, country wines and British and foreign bottled beers. Plus a designated Sussex Bar selling local beers. Hove Centre, Hove Town Hall, Hove, 5pm–11pm Thu; 11am–3pm & 5pm–11pm Fri; 11am–3pm & 5pm–10pm Sat; £3–£5. www.sussexbeerfestival.co.uk
Emiko Aida
ridiculous, absurd, beautiful, misaligned and unusual. And bring an umbrella to join in... De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill-on-Sea . 7pm–11pm, free, www.dlwp.com
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SAT 13 – SUN 14 MARCH Big Sussex Market One of the most popular events of the September Food Festival, the Big Sussex Market returns for two days of fresh local produce and delicious hot food. New Road, Brighton. 10am–6pm Sat; 9am–5pm Sun
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Richard Grayson Last chance to see this retrospective of Richard Grayson’s work, bringing together prints, drawings and films from the last five years. Inspired by seemingly disparate cultural artifacts and phenomena, Grayson investigates the importance of language and narrative in order to understand the world. Richard Grayson, De La Warr Pavilion, BexhillOn-Sea, 01424 229 111. Until 14 March
tuesday march 9
friday march 12
sunday march 14
blue light initiative launch night feat stars down to earth+the beautiful word+yokoko+the bobby mcgees+free cd for first 30 people 8pm £5/£4 before 9pm/nus
charity chuckle the best of brightons up & coming comedy. all proceeds go to charity doors 7pm-show 7.30pm £6/5
wednesday march 10
a night of mayhem with competitive poledancing, cake fighters and inspired misbehaviour conducted by chris cresswell dance, scream&scramble for cake 10.30pm £5
down: bob slayers sunday roasting the bizzare-a full evening of comedy, cabaret&music 8pm-late £4 up: sam chara sings edith piaf +bing on accordian 8pm £5
jouis six piece psychadelic jazz pop+the sly tones+illustrators 8pm £4
thursday march 11 catalyst club blending the old traditions of a french salon with debating societies 8pm £5
manchester street, brighton tel.
club poleoke
saturday march 13 big wheels review brighton's finest play classic motown 7.30pm £10/£8
01273 687171
monday march 15 ukulele research and development society open mic party poppers, poetry and prizes with special guest tbc 7,30pm £2 or free for performers
thelatest.co.uk/musicbar
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Supported by
FILM Green Zone (15) Dir: Paul Greengrass
filmhighlight
L7 Film
Thriller starring Matt Damon as a US Army officer charged with finding weapons of mass destruction in occupied Iraq. Not quite the simple ‘Where’s Wally’ we were led to believe. In fact, his faulty intelligence is leading Damon to think he might be in hiding for nothing, so with a little help from his friends he sets out to track the original intel and find the truth. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon
Showing this week The Lovely Bones (12A) Dir: Peter Jackson
Told from the perspective of recently departed 14-year-old Susie Salmon, this follows her family as they deal with the grief and fallout from her brutal murder. Trying to nudge Mum (Rachel Weisz) and Dad (Mark Wahlberg) in the right direction, she sees they have all the pieces to solve her crime but frustratingly cannot put them together. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) Dir: Niels Arden Oplev
Crazy Heart (15) Dir: Scott Cooper
Alice In Wonderland 2D & 3D (PG) Dir: Tim Burton
The master of the gothic film turns his eye to the tales of Lewis Carroll, with Alice (Mia Wasikowska) now 19 years old and destined to be married to a rich suitor. When she runs away from a party held in her honour, she once again stumbles across the rabbit hole of her childhood adventures. Showing at Odeon, Cineworld & Worthing
Hailed as Jeff Bridges’ best performance since his seminal ‘Dude’ in The Big Lebowski, and earning him a nomination for Best Actor Oscar – this tale of a beaten up, hard living country singer is already creating a bit of a stir. Bridges stars as Brad, who has spent too many years on the road and too few detoxing. Having gone through an excess of towns, drinks and marriages, Brad finally meets his possible redemption in the form of journalist Maggie Gyllenhaal, who sees the man behind the musician. With such a great supporting cast, including Colin Farrell apparently turning in a fair tune as a fellow muso, along with James Keane and Rich Dial, and Ms G getting her own Oscar nod for Best Supporting Actress, this is set to be a classic. Showing at Odeon
The Crazies (15) Dir: Breck Eisner
Isn’t it just the most annoying thing ever when you live in a lovely midAmerica town and your neighbours
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contract a violence-inducing virus and all the authorities do is quarantine off the entire area – with you trapped
inside?! Well, that’s what this small group of plucky survivors think. Showing at Cineworld and Odeon
Another much-lauded adaptation. Journalist Mikael decides to get a bit of distance from his work when he’s done for defamation, but ends up employed by Swedish industrialist tycoon Vagner to investigate the disappearance and murder of his 16-year-old niece. His research picks up several skeletons, and a lady with a remarkable talent for discovering the undiscoverable. Showing at Duke of York’s
Psycho (15) Dir: Alfred Hitchcock
A new digital presentation marking the 50th anniversary of Hitchcock’s classic thriller that put millions of us off of showers! Due for release in April, the Duke of York’s has been granted a special one-off preview as part of its 100 year celebrations. Plus, it’s the launch of CineCity’s spring programme. Showing at Duke of York’s
SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261
0871 224 4007
0871 200 2000
01903 206206
cineworld.co.uk
picturehouses.co.uk
odeon.co.uk
worthingtheatres.co.uk
TUESDAY 9
TUESDAY 9
TUESDAY 9
TUESDAY 9
Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.45, 1.30, 3.30, 4.15, 6.15, 7.00, 9.00 An Education (12A) 11.40 Avatar 2D (12A) 1.45, 8.30 The Crazies (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.45 Crazy Heart (15) 12.00, 2.40, 5.40, 8.30 The Hurt Locker (15) 9.00 The Lovely Bones (12A) 2.15, 9.10 The Princess And The Frog (U) 12.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.15, 2.50, 5.30, 8.15 Valentine’s Day (12A) 11.30, 5.50 The Wolfman (15) 9.30
An Education (12A) 11.00am Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) 4.00, 9.00 Exam (15) 6.30
Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 1.00, 2.00, 3.30, 4.30, 6.00, 7.00, 8.30, 9.30 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 Avatar 3D (12A) 12.20, 4.00, 7.30 The Crazies (15) 11.40, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.40 From Paris With Love (15) 6.50, 9.15 Green Zone (15) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.05 Leap Year (PG) 1.40, 6.40, 9.00 The Lovely Bones (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.45 Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (PG) 4.15 The Princess And The Frog (U) 4.20 Valentine’s Day (12A) 1.20
Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00, 8.00
WEDNESDAY 10 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.45, 1.30, 3.30, 4.15, 6.15, 7.00, 9.00 An Education (12A) 11.40 Avatar 2D (12A) 1.45, 5.00, 8.30 The Crazies (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.45 Crazy Heart (15) 12.00, 2.40, 5.40, 8.30 Green Zone (15) 1.15, 4.00, 6.30, 9.10 The Lovely Bones (12A) 5.20 The Princess And The Frog (U) 12.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.15, 2.50, 8.15 The Wolfman (15) 9.30
THURSDAY 11 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.45, 1.30, 3.30, 4.15, 6.15, 7.00, 9.00 An Education (12A) 11.40 Avatar 2D (12A) 1.45, 5.00, 8.30 The Crazies (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.45 Crazy Heart (15) 12.00, 2.40, 5.40, 8.30 Green Zone (15) 1.15, 4.00, 6.30, 9.10 The Lovely Bones (12A) 5.20 The Princess And The Frog (U) 12.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.15, 2.50, 8.15 The Wolfman (15) 9.30
WEDNESDAY 10 An Education (12A) 11.00am Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) 4.00, 9.00
THURSDAY 11 Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) 4.00, 9.00
FRIDAY 12 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.00, 9.00 The White Stripes – Under Great White Northern Lights 11.45pm
MONDAY 15 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.00, 9.00 Dirty Oil (PG) 6.30
THURSDAY 11
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.00, 9.00 Where The Wild Things Are (PG) 11.00 (Kids’ Club)
SUNDAY 14 Adam Resurrected (tbc) 1.30 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 9.00 Psycho (15) 6.00
The Lovely Bones
Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00, 8.00
THURSDAY 11 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00, 8.00
WEDNESDAY 10 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 1.00, 2.00, 3.30, 4.30, 6.00, 7.00, 8.30, 9.30 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 Avatar 3D (12A) 12.20, 4.00, 7.30 The Crazies (15) 11.40, 1.50, 7.10, 9.40 From Paris With Love (15) 9.15 Green Zone (15) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.05 Leap Year (PG) 6.40 The Lovely Bones (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.45 Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (PG) 4.15 The Princess And The Frog (U) 4.20 Valentine’s Day (12A) 1.20
SATURDAY 13
WEDNESDAY 10
Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 1.00, 2.00, 3.30, 4.30, 6.00, 7.00, 8.30, 9.30 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.30, 3.00, 5.30, 8.00 Avatar 3D (12A) 12.20, 4.00, 7.30 The Crazies (15) 11.40, 1.50, 7.10, 9.40 From Paris With Love (15) 9.15 Green Zone (15) 1.40, 4.10, 6.40, 9.05 Leap Year (PG) 6.45 The Lovely Bones (12A) 11.50, 2.50, 5.50, 8.45 Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (PG) 4.15 The Princess And The Frog (U) 4.20 Valentine’s Day (12A) 1.20
Films showing Friday 12–Monday 15
Films showing Friday 12–Monday 15
Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times
Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times
Alice In Wonderland
FRIDAY 12 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.00, 8.00 Precious (15) 5.00
SATURDAY 13 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.00, 8.00 Precious (15) 5.00 WALL-E (U) 10.15
SUNDAY 14 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.00, 5.00, 8.00 Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (PG) 1.30 Precious (15) 4.30, 7.30
MONDAY 15 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00, 8.00 Harry Brown (18) 2.00 Precious (15) 4.30
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COMEDY | GAY LISTINGS
Comedypreview
Gaylistings
> Tuesday 9 March to Monday 15 March >
> Tuesday 9 March to Monday 15 March > > send your music listings to gay@thelatest.co.uk
> send your club listings to comedy@thelatest.co.uk
TUESDAY 9 BOWLPLEX BLAGSS Bowling. Annual bowling extravaganza! > Time tbc, £50 per team LEGENDS Wine On Tuesdays. Soak up work blues with BOGOHP on vino! > 11pm–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Bingo’s Not A Dirty Word. With Kath. Winner takes the pot, job done! > 8pm, £1 QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for £10! Plus DJ and karaoke. > 12pm–3am, free R BAR Twisted Karaoke. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Sound As A Pound. Eclectic selections from electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a hefty raffle prize! > 10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! > 11pm–4am, free
LUCY PORTER – FOOL’S GOLD
A
ward-winning comic, writer, star of stage, TV and radio, and allround fun lady to hang out with – Lucy Porter is coming to town! Whoop! And she’s bringing her smash hit show from Edinburgh 2009. So, can she describe it in her own words? Words start to fail her. “Yes, it’s a... it’s a lot more... you’d think I’d’ve got something together for this by now really... It’s good fun. And it’s loosely themed. I always like to have a theme that I use as a leaping off point. So the theme is gold. Which a lot of people have been slightly baffled by because in the past I’ve had very abstract themes like happiness and love and luck and things. This is much more of a tangible thing. There is a lump of gold in the show, so it has a very concrete, metal basis to it. “People always say, ‘but I’m not all that interested in gold, so why would I come and see the show?’ And I always reply, it’s around five per cent about gold and ninety-five per cent just me wanging on about anything that comes into my head. The nice thing is that there’s a bit more of a tight backbone to the show than I’ve had in previous years, so it does allow me to go off and be a bit freer with it. I always know that I'm
coming back to a good central theme, so it’s quite good fun. And there’s lots of silliness in it: I get people to eat gold; I show off some bits of gold that I’ve got, and talk about the history of gold. There’s a little bit of fact in it; this is the first show that I’ve ever done that attempts to have any kind of actual facts. It’s good for quiz fans...” Lucy Porter – Fool’s Gold, Komedia, Sunday 14 March, 7.30pm, £14/12. The full interview with Lucy Porter can be found at www.latest7.co.uk follow me on twitter
latestvicky
Comedy listings WEDNESDAY 10 Alex Horne – Wordwatching The Chortle Award Winner tours his successful comedy show – tracking the highs and lows of Alex’s campaign to get an invented word into the dictionary. Komedia, 8pm, £10/8
St Leonards Improv Comedy Club Headliner Rob Broderick will be supported by Sara Pascoe (from the BBC’s In the Thick of It), Vicky Nangle, Kurt Driver, Ranga Ratanathan plus local newcomers. Our MC will be the ever reliable Anton Hammond. The Crown House, 8pm, £5/4
Funnier Farm Headliner Brian Gittins, with support from Sarah Bennetto (The Storytellers' Club), Yianni Agislaou, Neil Dagley, Wayne Connolly, Vicky Nangle and Bobby Carroll. Caroline of Brunswick, 8pm, £5
WitTank An hour of rip-roaring comedy sketches. Bringing you boundless energy, infectious fun and above all great jokes. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5
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THURSDAY 11 Don’t Take Drugs: Casual Violence Comedy sketches and theatrics. Marlborough Bar & Theatre, 8pm, £5
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Top Banana Featuring Jason Blackwater, Sue Gaston, Rob Dumbrell, Alex Petrovic, Mark Cornell, Andy Allen, Sam Savage, Andy Bryant, Phil Dukes and the Romesh Ranganathan as MC. Cella (at Sanctuary Café), 8pm, £2
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FRIDAY 12 Charity Chuckle A fundraiser for Haiti, with Brian Gittins headlining and fine support acts. Latest Musicbar, 7pm, £6
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SATURDAY 13 International Stand-up Strap yourself in for a night of classic stand-up, with a sprinkling of the surreal. An internationally sourced line-up. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 9.30pm, £8/6
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Krater Comedy Club See Friday.
> Komedia, 7pm, £17.50 & 10.30, £15 Laughing Horse Comedy Stand-up comedy from Debra-Jane Appleby, Jason Patterson, Nigel Taylor, Anthony Miller, Yariv and Ryan Cull. With resident compere Sajeela Kershi. The Quadrant, 8.30pm, £6/5
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The Noise Next Door A razor-sharp evening of riotous improvised comedy. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £8/6
Don't Take Drugs: Casual Violence See Thursday. Marlborough Bar & Theatre, 8pm, £5
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Krater Comedy Club Award winning comedy. Featuring Paul McCaffrey, Jason Wood and Carl Donnelly. MC Stephen Grant Komedia, 7.30pm, £14.50/10
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SUNDAY 14 Krater Comedy Club See Friday. Komedia, 8pm, £11/£6
Lucy Porter – Fool's Gold See highlight. Komedia, 7.30pm, £14/12
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Victoria Nangle
WEDNESDAY 10 AMSTERDAM Total Request Karaoke. Pick a song to belt out, vid to watch or tune for your audio pleasure! > 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Games. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. > 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Open Mic Night. > 8.30pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Andy's Birthday Party Drag with No Name > 12pm–1am, free R-BAR Midweek Mash Up. DJ Beast playing her finest mash ups from electro pop to darker shades of electric vibes! > 12pm–2am REVENGE Death To Disco. New midweek bash to meet your indie electro pop and alternative beats needs. > 10.30pm, £2 THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. > 11pm–4am, free
THURSDAY 11 CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL: My Cow Is On Fire. > 8pm–3am, £1 (goes to charity) CHARLES STREET CLUB Get Some. A deck loaded with the scene’s hottest 3some; this night is set to cause more than just smoke! > 10pm, £1 LEGENDS Coreaoke with Tammy Twinkle. > 11am–5am, free QUEEN’S ARMS The All New Q Factor Auditions > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls on Top Party. Dulcie Danger sets the mood from 9.30pm. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Emergency Room. See highlight. > 10.30pm, £4/free THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. > 11pm–4am, free
FRIDAY 12 BULLDOG DJ Marcia + Guy’s Karaoke. Spinning a non-stop club mix to kick the 63hr weekend into gear! > 10pm–2am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Candyfloss. > Bar open 11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. > 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday. Dance and house. > 9.30pm–2am, free HEIST Brighter Days. Upfront and deep, soulful, funky and jackin’ house! > 9pm–2am, free LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Q&A. Indie, electro, soul, punk, and the classics. > 5pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Camp Attack + Karaoke. Definitive handbag tunes . > 9pm, free R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. > 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Lollipop. Join Alex Baker and Stewart T for a night of chart remixes, dance anthems and commercial house. > 10.30pm–5am, £5/free THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag tracks. > 11pm–4am, free
>highlight EMERGENCY ROOM ‘Thursgay’ the newly branded week day, self carved by Brighton’s gay institution that is Revenge Thursdays! The home of uber-cool lesbian bash Girls On Top begins a new decade of weekend warm-up decadence with Emergency Room. Featuring tantalising totty, house anthems and upfront tracks, up-for-it crowds and rammed floors. Saturdays are Yestergay! Plus, staff are in scrubs for your visual pleasure. Why? Because you’d be socially dead to miss it... Thursday 11 March, Revenge
SATURDAY 13 AMSTERDAM A-List. Boutique clubbing with some fabulous soulful house sessions. > 9pm, free CHARLES STREET BAR Fierce. Tantalising cocktails, reasonable prices and the best funky house and commercial tunes! > 9pm–3am, free LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Cherry Pop. Cheesy upbeat classics! > 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Auntie Robbie + Karaoke. > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous. > Bar open 12pm–7am, free RENDEZVOUS CASINO Pride Ball. Hilarious live entertainment from Lola Lasagne, Billie and Elouise plus very special surprise guests. Hosted by David Hill. > Time tbc, £35 REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. > 10.30pm, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. > 11pm–4am, free THE ZONE Presents... Sally Vate. > 9.30pm, free
SUNDAY 14 AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch + Connie's Karaoke. > 12pm–1am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Showtime. Cutting oneliners with Lola Lasagne. > 7pm, free LEGENDS Sunday cabaret with Lizzie Drip. > 3.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Acoustic Jam. > 6pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Drag With No Name + Betty’s Karaoke. > 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays + Barmy Bingo. Relaxing acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by Miss Jason's barmy Bingo! > 12pm–2am, free THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes. > 11pm–4am, free
MONDAY 15 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin party tracks spanning four decades. 10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS DWNN Monday Gangbang. A night filled with song, sketches and chat. 11am–5am, free QUEENS ARMS Tammy Twinkle's Cabaret Karaoke Show. 8pm–1am, free THE BASEMENT Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free
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027_LS465_reviews
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REVIEWS 27
L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk BIG SCIENCE SATURDAY Now in it's fourth year, the Brighton Science Festival has matured at a staggering rate. And for nerdy grown-ups and children stuck in adult bodies, Big Science Saturday was the highlight of the two-week geek-fest, offering a packed day of talks, workshops and debates. Lectures offered insights into why anti-depressants don't work, the problems between science and politics and why music is indispensable to humanity. The debate table, an all-day energetic platform for discussing anything and everything, proved to be the most fun anyone can have with a brain, particularly for the argumentative. A great, geeky day out and definitely one to catch when it comes around again next year. Brighton Science Festival, Sallis Benney Theatre, 27 Febraury ✪✪✪✪✪ Sarah Lewis
A gripping script and class performance: cracking combo! Komedia, 23 February ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni
PETER PANSY Brian Ralfe’s alternative production has restored my faith in pantomime. Oh it’s not a slick show, far from it, but it more than makes up for it in laughs and entertainment. Andrew Stark’s script has the right tone but it is Smee who steals the show, a comic masterpiece. Director Robert James is almost as funny as Captain Hooker and his hand steers the show steadily along – well, fairly steadily. Brian’s costumes are show-stopping but the glue that binds all is Lee Tracey, whose Tinkerbell is priceless. Maybe not five stars, but five glittering rainbows for sure. Pavilion Theatre, 25 February ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay
POPCORN COMEDY Co-hosted by the lovely Holly Walsh and a foul-mouthed animated box of popcorn, this was definitely an unusual night, featuring a combination of short comic films and live acts. The films included everything from Terry Wogan on the Orient Express to a darkly funny re-edit of Nil by Mouth via the always reliable comic staple; a talking cat. On the live front, Rufus Hound provided a controlled and expertly constructed set and Robert Popper, of Look Around You fame, made a live prank phone call to the Brighton Hilton rounding off this varied and very entertaining evening in excellent fashion. Duke Of York’s, 25 February ✪✪✪✪✪ Simon Plotkin
RICHMOND FONTAINE
THE HEARTBREAKS WE EMBRACE
COMIC BOOM
Well cast as a campy cabaret star, Stuart Flynn from Brighton band The Dirty Cakes had us entranced with his deft delivery of intense, sparkly monologue from awardwinning writer and director Orlando Reade. As the charismatic red head casually primped away at a dressing table, he told, with flamboyant flair and sardonic wit, the dark tale of a heart broken by an Iranian lover seeking refuge in liberal Brighton. Intimate anecdotes cleverly contrasted fluffy gay stereotypes (Gaynor and Bassey) with the stark reality of taboos existing elsewhere, gradually building to a grim conclusion.
Brighton’s favourite alt-country band returned to a sold out Hanbury in support of their 8th studio album. New song ‘Boyfriend’ had a feel of Paul Simon’s ‘Late In The Evening’, while the riff-heavy ‘43’ saw guitarist Dan Eccles rocking out. Willy Vlautin doesn’t so much write songs as tell musical stories. In tales of returning home to live with Mum, wayward friends and life on the road, the eloquent lyrics sat perfectly atop multilayered textures. Dan’s haunting licks floated beautifully over Willy’s chords. The five song encore, including a stomping ‘Broken Records’, ended a triumphant gig. The Hanbury Club, 25 February ✪✪✪✪✪ Nick Aldwinckle A large enthusiastic audience and a brace of young comedians primed and ready to rumble provided a great value laughter-charged evening. Compere Tom Price did a splendid job in crowd control and joke delivery. The darling of the evening was Tom Rosenthal whose command and dispatch of some excellent material got the biggest response of the night. Headliner, Mike Wozniak’s turn was a little too over-emphatic to really take-off, despite some good, if predictable, comedic tropes being put through their paces. Komedia, 25 February ✪✪✪✪✪ Gary Mepsted
Did you see the X Factor tour at the Brighton Centre? comment@thelatest.co.uk
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKED X FACTOR TOUR Brighton Centre 27 February ✪✪✪✪✪
T
weenage mass hysteria can be a frightening thing. The X Factor finalists said the Brighton Centre was louder than Wembley, at a fraction of the size, such was the enthusiasm of the mostly young female audience. Even I, a few decades removed from any Tween, could feel my eyes welling at the emotion of the moment as Jamie Archer, Jedward, Lucy Jones, Danyl Johnson, Stacey Solomon, Olly Murs and wee Joe McElderry took to the stage amongst the pomp and pyrotechnics of the opening number. This was a massive production throughout, as big as any final night of the TV show itself, with touring host duties taken up by Jeff Brazier – a popular choice with the generation addicted to the pop culture his ex, Jade Goodey, personified. With the realisation of a dream for the eight on stage, the emotion was so raw it was catching. The show kicked off properly with Jamie Archer, sporting not one but two of his trademark scarves and going all out with his popular Kings Of Leon cover. The Afro’d singer engaged in a bit of scripted banter with the
audience, which they readily lapped up, confirming with volume that Brighton is indeed a party town. Quite whether his idea of a party and theirs – average age 13 – would tally seemed beside the point. The rest of the first half had us on the edge of our seats as one after another of the finalists came out singly or occasionally in groups, to share what could be ours, we were told, if we successfully applied this year. Jedward in particular amused all with their still out of sync dancing and enthusiastic shouting and backflips. I’ve never seen a happier group of people to perform karaoke accompanied by sky dancers and fireworks, and their happiness was contagious. The point at which the tension changed into something else was when Olly Murs took to the stage. The professionalism in his dances, his connection to the audience and all-round razzle dazzle was palpable. And, when Joe McElderry took to the stage for the last section it was there again. These two will definitely hang around. Thank you to the others for the shared dream. Victoria Nangle
>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance? Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk
028_LS465_Sports/TV_Column
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L7 TV
SPORT | TV
L7 Sport
YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE
9 – 15 MARCH
Marathon Mary
Telly Talk With Victoria Nangle
Marathon Mary survived the Half Marathon – just
Find out how to take best care of your running feet with footcare clinic Sole Sisters on p 17.
Photo: Sportcam
I
t is a testament to the spirit of Brighton and Hove that thousands of people ran the Sussex Beacon Half Marathon in appalling weather conditions on a freezing, wet and windy day. Some wore bin bags to keep out the rain, but it was impossible and all ended up soaked, some shaking with the cold, but defiant. I was beaten by two men dressed as cows, a man in firefighter's uniform with full breathing apparatus, two men carrying a surf board and a man with no shoes or socks. But I was proud simply to finish (and survive) and to support our world class HIV and Aids care centre. The course had been changed at a late stage because of the closure of the Undercliff Walk. This seemed to make it easier as there was no run over the cliffs to Rottingdean – and “I languished in therefore no hills. Instead we ran twice down the slip road from Marine athletic running kit Parade to Madeira Drive near Volks half a mile behind Railway, left to Duke's Mound and then back towards the pier, creating the man dressed lots of opportunities to spot friends in the race. as a penguin” The worst moment for me was running west towards Hove Lagoon, past the beach huts, with rain lashing painfully against my face and feeling like a very long way from the finish line. Now I can't help but look forward to the marathon because, however hard the distance, nothing could be as difficult as running in those kinds of conditions. I also learned a number of things that will stand me in good stead on the big day: 1. I need to organise my playlists on my iPod way in advance. I'm sure I added at least ten minutes to my running time by faffing around with it as I ran. 2. If it’s pouring with rain outside, it really doesn’t matter if my running kit has come out of the washing machine that morning and is not quite dry. I will end up soaked to the skin anyway. 3. I need to get a good night's sleep the night before the night before the run. It is impossible to sleep when there is a race looming in the morning. 4. Dressing up in a funny costume will make people smile and, more importantly, could give me an excuse to be trailing near the back, rather than languishing in athletic-looking running kit half a mile behind the man dressed as a penguin. 5. After a big run, going out and getting drunk, while very tempting, is not the best way to recover and could result in serious dehydration. Much better to follow the professional advice and refuel properly – if you're not sure what that is, there are some great tips at www.brightonmarathon.co.uk. I’ll be using them next time. And dressing as a tortoise. At least the shell will keep me dry.
That’s the way to do it!
W
hen Gordon Ramsay first swore blue murder at some hapless commi chef for not being able to make scrambled eggs, television people sat up and paid attention. Obviously, vital ingredients were mucho personality, flamboyancy, despair and resentment. The entire venture would certainly never be motivated by purely altruistic motives. We couldn’t possibly have everyone actually liking Mr Ramsay as he saved them from bankruptcy. It’s got to be a difficult re-birth to make us enjoy the outcome all the more, when the proprietor hugs him with tears in his eyes at the end. “You’ve saved my company, my marriage and my entire planet, Gordon”, they’d mutter through a film of tears and all would be right with the world again.
Insert into this formula the names of Monty Don (C4’s My Dream Farm), Alex Polizz (Five’s The Hotel Inspector), Mary Portas (BBC2’s Mary Queen Of Shops) Cornelia Bayley (C4’s Country House Rescue) and, as of next week, Hilary Devey (Five’s The Business Inspector), and our television execs are rubbing their hands together all the way to the bank. Business makeovers get good viewing figures. No one is happy with their lot, Britain is packed full of entrepreneurs (most trying to get on telly via Dragon’s Den) and you’re either trying to make your way in the rat race and succeed in it, or
chasing the dream of escaping altogether and setting up home like Tom and Barbara Goode in the ’70s. Either way, there’s now a telly programme to help and harangue you on your way. The question is: when did we stop being able to do things for ourselves? The Business Inspector will see self-made millionairess Hilary doling out advice to two businesses trying to make changes. The florist – named, for the pun-lovers, Leaf It Out – is a labour of love that’s cost the proprietors’ family £11,000 in the last year. The two lovely ladies that run it sit in their shop, waiting for orders and making tea. Now I don’t have any kind of business degree going on here but it seems pretty obvious advice to simply say stop sponging and get out and do some pitches for work. Maybe I could be a self-made stately home dweller too. The other business Hilary advises is a table-piece hire firm looking to franchise out its wares. The company’s called Table Centres. Really. Her advice? See if you can guess. Get a proper contract drawn up and invest in a good name and branding. Reckon you could do well with this too now? S’easy! So called experts are simply successful personalities pointing out the obvious. It will always be the same: if you can’t make scrambled eggs, you’d better buck up. Nothing simpler than that. But your choice of business advice show will depend on how abruptly you like your messages delivered. Latest newby Hilary likes to deliver it in a no nonsense fashion. She’s down with the bottom line. However, she’s still telling you all this from a Charles XIV chair in her opulent living room lit by any duster’s dream of a chandelier. ‘All this could be yours’, she’s saying. ‘This, and a television programme of your own.’ So get it right! The Business Inspector starts on Five at 8pm on Wednesday 17 March follow me on twitter
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tuesday 9 Horizon: Is Everything We Know About The Universe Wrong? BBC2, 9pm There’s something odd going on in space. It would seem parts of the universe are being hoovered up by an unseen celestial vac called ‘dark flow’. This has implications for the destinies of large numbers of galaxies – and sure puts Dyson in the shade.
Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Parenting Channel 4, 8pm Parenting expert Jo Frost offers no-nonsense advice and talks to specialists about difficult issues affecting modern children. Jo tries to help six-year-old Paige, who has never slept a full night in her own bed. So, what are Jo’s pearls of wisdom? Counting sheep? Removing the other beds?
Family Guy BBC3, 11pm When Stewie gets sick after receiving communion, the congregation believe he’s possessed by the devil. While on the run, the family ends up in Texas, where Peter begins to fit right in with the cowboys, and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush’s house. And he didn’t think America had problems.
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Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Fake Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Pinky Dinky Doo 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Bear Behaving Badly 4.05 Deadly 60 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00am Children’s television 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger 9.25 Ethelbert The Tiger 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Geography 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Telling Tales 11.35 Telling Tales 11.40 Let’s Write A Story 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads: Celebrity Special Can a team of BBC newsreaders and journalists featuring Bill Turnbull, Sian Williams, Nick Robinson, Louise Minchin and Charlie Stayt triumph? 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts David Barby and Anita Manning are heading through Fife to their next auction in Edinburgh. 7.00 Wonders Of The Solar System Brian explores the powerhouse of them all, the sun. In India he witnesses a total solar eclipse, and in Norway he watches the battle between the sun’s wind and Earth, as the night sky glows with the Northern Lights. Magic. 8.00 Lambing Live Kate Humble and Adam Henson bring you the latest news live from the farm in Wales. Adam heads for the hills in search of sheep that could make a farmer’s life a little easier. Self-shearing sheep? 9.00 Horizon: Is Everything We Know About The Universe Wrong? See highlights 10.00 Mock The Week Dara O Briain presents a special show featuring unseen material. 10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 Mad Men Drama series looking at the world of advertising in 1960s New York. 12.10am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips: Creative And Media: Media 5.00 Class Clips: Creative And Media: Performing Arts
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Country House Cooking Contest 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show
6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.45 Frasier 9.15 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.30 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Proud Parents 12.15 Location, Location, Location 1.15 FILM: The Badlanders (1958) 2.55 Glamour Puds 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Aaron takes out his frustration on others – will losing Holly force him to face up to the truth? Maisie puts on a brave face and returns to work. Hope it’s hers. 7.30 The Krypton Factor It’s the final! Having made it through the heats and semi-finals, the remaining contestants have the chance to show what they are really made of. Steel! 8.00 Cops With Cameras This edition concentrates on hidden crime in the suburban areas of UK’s cities. 9.00 Law & Order: UK DS Ronnie Brooks and DS Matt Devlin investigate the murder of a teenager who was brutally beaten to death. 10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers Series in which crime writer Martina Cole explores the lives and careers of six female serial killers. She starts with Myra Hindley, who along with Ian Brady was responsible for a spate of child murders in the 1960s. Featuring interviews with Hindley’s lawyer and prison chaplain. Don’t have nightmares 11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime Expose of life on the front line with Britain’s law enforcers. 12.30am Guinness Premiership Rugby Craig Doyle presents highlights. 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show
6.00 The Simpsons Futurama’s Bender drops into Springfield as Bart and Lisa use Professor Frink’s projection machine to peer into the future. It’s bright (yellow). 6.30 Hollyoaks Steph alarms Jem by telling her that she has a rival for Gilly’s affections. Fire alarm? Alarm clock? Bet it’s loud either way. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Loo Ladies Intimate portraits of loo attendants. 8.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance See highlights 9.00 One Born Every Minute Fly-on-the-wall documentary series filmed in a maternity ward. Two women come in to the hospital at the end of unexpected pregnancies. 10.00 Shameless Frank’s love, Libby, returns and is determined to rekindle their romance despite her mother’s attempts at sabotage. Paaaarty! 11.10 My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding Documentary looking at the world of 21st-century Gypsy and Traveller weddings, ancient traditions versus modern fashions in a culture clash. 12.15am Full Tilt Poker Late Night Poker The world-class event reaches its gripping conclusion 1.15 FIM Superbike World Championship 1.40 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 2.10 Bullrun 2009 2.35 KOTV Boxing Weekly 3.00 Mobil 1 The Grid A Formula 1 3.30 British Triathlon Super 4.25 The McCain Track And
6.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor x2 12.40 Five News 12.50 RSPCA: On The Frontline 1.15 Wild Animal ER 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: A Place Called Home (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Martha has some shattering news for Liam. Broke his mirror? Seven years bad luck. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Chinese Food In Minutes Two student friends from Durham want to improve their cooking skills. On chef Ching’s menu are fried sweet chilli chicken, spicy Sichuan aubergine and griddled yellow bean pork. Phwoar. 8.00 Ice Road Truckers Lisa forms a convoy with George and Tim, but is frustrated by their slow pace. Jack has a tank full of fluid to deliver to Coldfoot. Slippers might be a better idea. 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Henry’s surprise birthday celebration turns into a disaster when the gang discovers a dead body in a shut-down barbeque joint. Stay away from the ribs. 10.00 CSI: Miami A baby is snatched from her mother’s arms and the team races to find her. 11.00 CSI: NY Stella is bemused when she receives a jigsaw puzzle spattered with blood. Ask for a refund Stella. Shoddy goods. 12.00am NCIS Gibbs sets his team the task of infiltrating a secure navy facility to steal a classified file. 12.55 SuperCasino 4.05 The FBI Files 4.50 The Family Recipe 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Neighbours
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Football League 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Netbusters 12.30 SPL Round-Up 1.00 Football League 2.30 SPL Round-Up 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 Boots N All 5.00 Davis Cup Tennis 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 School Of Hard Knocks 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Football First: Match Choice 4.00 Football: UEFA Champions League
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country. 7.30 EastEnders Peggy hosts an illadvised music night in the Vic with disastrous results – knew she liked a bit of dubstep. 8.00 Holby City Joseph and Daisha find themselves in a shooting incident, and Joseph seems to hit self-destruct. Poor old self-destruct, hope he wasn’t injured. 9.00 Famous Rich And Jobless Larry Lamb, Diarmuid Gavin, Meg Matthews, Emma Parker Bowles enter a world of joblessness, jobhunting and surviving on the poverty line and benefits. Will they cope? 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Jobless Interwoven stories of several families coping with losing their jobs. 11.35 Film 2010 With Jonathan Ross Film news. Major new releases include Leonardo DiCaprio in Martin Scorsese’s Shutter Island, and The Green Zone. 12.05am FILM: Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead (1995) Stylish thriller in which a reformed gangster comes out of retirement to carry out one last job for his ex-boss. 1.55 Weatherview. 2.00 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.30 Sign Zone: Five Days Drama. 3.30 Sign Zone: Horizon 4.30 BBC News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 European Tour Golf: Maybank Malaysian Open 10.00 PGA Tour Golf 11.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 12.30pm PGA Tour Classic 1.30 PGA Tour Golf 2.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 4.00 PGA Tour Classic 5.00 Sports Unlimited 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 Football First: Match Choice 1.30am World Aerobatic Championships 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.30am NASCAR 7.30 World Aerobatic Championships 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 9.00 Poker 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 1.00 NASCAR 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 World Aerobatic Championships 3.00 Poker 5.00 WWE: Smackdown 7.00 Airsports World 7.30 LIVE: Live Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Poker 11.00 Davis Cup Tennis 12.00am Max Power 1.00 European Poker Championship 2.00 Close
Melina Greenfield
extraterrestrial Sky1
BBC3
BBC4
ITV2
ITV3
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More4
Living
1.00pm Bones 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Universe 9.00 Caprica 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Lost 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs 1.50 Caprica
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Last Woman Standing 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Gemma Factor 11.00 Family Guy. See highlights 11.45 Last Woman Standing 12.45am Toughest Driving Tests 1.40 The Gemma Factor
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Hidden Histories 8.00 The Sky At Night 9.00 Sidekick Stories 10.00 Barbados At The Races: Storyville 10.30 Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit 11.25 Sacred Music (x2) 3.25am The Sky At Night 5.30 Close
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 American Idol: 10 Boys 7.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Simon Cowell Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 11.30 FILM: The 40Year-Old Virgin (2005) 1.50am Emmerdale
12.05pm Wycliffe 1.10 Heartbeat 2.10 Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Vanity Dies Hard 5.20 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Wire In The Blood 12.00am Reckless
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.00 Shameless 12.05am Skins 1.15 How I Met Your Mother
4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Chris Petit’s Content 11.40 London Orbital 1.15am Come Dine With Me
3.00pm Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 New America’s Next Top Model 9.00 Psychic Sally: On The Road 10.00 New Most Haunted Unseen 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Hotel Babylon
G.O.L.D.
Comedy Central
Discovery
Sci Fi
Sky Movies
Sky Movies
Film4
TCM
4.00pm Time Team 5.00 More Industrial Revelations 5.30 More Industrial Revelations 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Swords: Life On The Line 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files
1.30pm FILM: Tornado Valley (2008) 3.20 FILM: Ground Zero (2008) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer 6.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 8.00 Eastwick 9.00 Eastwick 10.00 FILM: Stir Of Echoes (1999) 12.00am Medium 1.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Flash Gordon 4.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007)
Classics
Indie
10.20am Pimpernel Smith (1941) 12.20pm The Sand Pebbles (1966) 3.20 Notorious (1946) 5.10 Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 6.45 Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 9.00 The Searchers (1956) 11.00 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 1.00am Rear Window (1954)
9.00am Badlands (1973) 10.35 Into The Wild (2007) 1.05pm Control (2007) 3.10 Priceless (2006) 5.00 Into The Wild (2007) 7.30 Chaplin (1992) 10.00 Joan Of Arc (1999) 12.40am The Movie Geek 1.10 Control (2007) 3.15 Priceless (2006)
11.00am 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 12.50pm The Card (1952) 2.40 Leave Her To Heaven (1946) 4.50 When Eight Bells Toll (1971) 6.40 Green Zone Special 6.50 Mighty Joe Young (1998) 9.00 A Good Year (2006) 11.15 Kiss Of The Dragon (2001) 1.05am My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend (1987) 3.15 Close
12.15pm The Screening Room 1.00 September (1988) 3.00 The Train Robbers (1973) 5.05 The Sea Chase (1955) 7.20 Alias Jesse James (1959) 9.00 The French Lieutenant’s Woman (1981) 11.45 Straight Time (1978) 1.50am Off Set: Carrie Fisher 2.15 Off Set: Carrie Fisher
4.40pm Only Fools And Horses 5.20 After You’ve Gone 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Yes, Prime Minister (x2) 8.40 Porridge 9.20 Fawlty Towers 10.00 The Royle Family 10.40 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.20 The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer 12.00am The Royle Family 12.40 French And Saunders
4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee
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wednesday 10 Desperate Housewives Channel 4, 10pm Things have gone a touch maternal on Wisteria Lane. Lynette hides her pregnancy from both Carlos and Gabrielle. Meanwhile, Bob and Lee adopt a baby, and an enigmatic maid is involved in the mystery at the Bolens’ house. Baby madness! Who will the enigmatic maid turn out to be, one of the Rugrats?
UEFA Champions League: Manchester United Vs AC Milan ITV1, 7.30pm Love it or hate it, it’s comin’ home. All eyes will be on two men: David Beckham can expect a warm welcome on his return to Old Trafford, but he may be overshadowed by Rooney, currently enjoying the form of his life. On me head, son.
Film: Dogma Film4, 9pm Comic fantasy in which two fallen angels discover a doctrinal loophole that threatens to allow them back into Heaven. Such an event would have dire consequences, since it would expose God as fallible. Starring, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Alan Rickman and Alanis Morissette as God – how ironic.
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Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Fake Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Pinky Dinky Doo 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Bear Behaving Badly 4.05 SMart 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00am - 8.00 Children’s television 8.00 League Of Super Evil 8.15 Dennis & Gnasher 8.30 Zigby 8.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger 9.25 Ethelbert The Tiger 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads: Celebrity Special Can a team of sport stars featuring Matt Dawson, Phil Tufnell, Sally Gunnell, Tessa Sanderson and Dame Tanni Grey-Thompson triumph over the Eggheads? Dip those soldiers. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Experts David Barby and Anita Manning are heading on a shopping trip from Edinburgh through Anita’s home town of Glasgow to their next auction in Ayr. Hope they use bags for life. 7.00 Yellowstone Winter is around the corner. Elk move down from the mountains to find food, and beavers repair dams before ice freezes their ponds. Love to Yogi and Boo-Boo. 8.00 Lambing Live Adam investigates whether some sheep are smarter than others. Baaa-rmy. 9.00 Inside John Lewis A documentary series about John Lewis 10.00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience Can he learn the tricks of the bin man’s trade, or will he just be a load of rubbish? Poo. 10.30 Newsnight The stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.20 The Bubble Comedy news quiz. David Mitchell presents. 11.50 A Band For Britain Sue Perkins breathes new life into Dinnington Colliery Brass Band. No need to blow your own trumpet Sue. 12.50am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips: Creative And Media – Art And Design.
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Country House Cooking Contest 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show
6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.15 Frasier 8.45 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.30 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 My Eden 12.10 Location, Location, Location 1.15 FILM: Man Behind The Gun (1952) 2.55 Glamour Puds 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity is stunned to find herself at her own surprise wedding. Aaron attempts to win Holly back. Debbie is touched by Andy’s support. 7.30 UEFA Champions League: Manchester United Vs AC Milan See highlights. 10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League Extra Time Jim Rosenthal is joined by Robbie Earle and Gabriele Marcotti to look back at the best of the week’s Champions League action. Quarterfinal places are up for grabs as David Beckham returns to Old Trafford with his AC Milan side. The Italians face an uphill task after Man United’s impressive 3-2 victory in the San Siro two weeks ago. Commentary by Clive Tyldesley and Peter Drury. 11.35 Cops With Cameras Cameras follow life on the front line with police forces across the UK. This edition concentrates on hidden crime in the suburban areas of some of the UK’s cities. They also follow up leads of a large cannabis factory in the area. Dopey criminals. 12.25am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime On patrol with police forces across the country. 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.00 The Simpsons Fearing that Homer has lost the plot, Marge has him committed to a mental hospital. 6.30 Hollyoaks Josh is in court for drink driving. While his family are anxious, a guilty Rhys is especially nervous as he knows that Josh is going to take the rap for a car crash that was really his fault. Hmmm. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Loo Ladies A series of intimate portraits. 8.00 Relocation, Relocation The duo revisit Sandy and Natasha who previously ditched Swindon in pursuit of a surfer’s pad by the sea in Devon. Wipeout dude. 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon travels to Queens, New York to visit PJ’s Steakhouse. Owners Joe and Madalyn have found themselves in serious debt. Swearathon. 10.00 Desperate Housewives See highlights. 11.00 Shameless Repeat of Tuesday’s show. 12.00am Red Bull Music Academy 2010 Music from Moodymann, Horsemeat Disco and Hot Chip. 12.20 4 Music: The Album Chart Show. 12.35 Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions. 12.50 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 2.50 The Dead Zone 3.30 The War At Home 3.55 Bright Young Wonders. 4.00 The Bible: A History 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Sali
6.00am – 8.20 Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.40 Five News 12.50 RSPCA: On The Frontline 1.15 Wild Animal ER 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Mystery Woman: Redemption (2006) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Mink heaps pressure on Romeo. Xavier asks Ruby out on a date. Currants are juicier. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. Aris is still poorly. The baby woolly monkey finally gets a name. Baldy? 8.00 Jack The Ripper: Tabloid Killer – Revealed Former tabloid editor Kelvin MacKenzie examines the role that the press had in making Jack the Ripper a media sensation. Avoid the mixed grill. 9.00 NCIS Gibbs forms an uneasy alliance with Agent Lee in order to catch the man who has kidnapped her daughter. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Logan and Barek handle the case of a woman’s body that fell out of an aeroplane wheel which leads to a disturbed airport worker with a dark secret. He is scared of lightbulbs? 11.00 Numb3rs When an armed gang targets a tour bus, Don is forced to ask convict John Buckley for help. 11.55 PartyPoker: The Classics Classic poker action. 1.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 The FBI Files 4.50 The Family Recipe 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Neighbours. 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football First: Match Choice 12.30pm Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.00 Football First: Match Choice 4.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.00 Revista De La Liga 6.00 European Tour Weekly 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 LIVE: Live Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Boots N All 2.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 2.30 You’re On Sky Sports 3.30 Poker 5.30 Football: UEFA Champions League
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter across the country. 7.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers Many people don’t have time to follow cookery books and Nigel’s unflustered style makes the dishes easy to remember without complicated recipes. Subliminal messages maybe. 8.00 MasterChef The contestants face the pressure of the professional kitchen at Le Pont De La Tour, and master Indian tapas at Imli. Don’t burn the bhajis please. 9.00 Famous Rich And Jobless Second part of this documentary, which explores joblessness in Britain. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws The midweek National Lottery draws including Thunderball and Lotto, with presenter Jodie Prenger. 10.45 Damages Tom tells his in-laws that their investment in the Tobin Ponzi scheme has bankrupted them. 11.25 FILM: Hollywoodland (2006) Stylish ‘50s-set drama about a private eye investigating the apparent suicide of Superman star George Reeve. 1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: Five Days Drama. 2.25 Sign Zone: Country Tracks 3.20 Sign Zone: Cars, Cops And Criminals 4.20 News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Snow Ride 9.30 Snowboard Diaries 10.00 World Cup Of Pool 11.00 European Poker Championship 12.00pm Davis Cup Tennis 1.00 Airsports World 1.25 Live Cricket 9.30 Inside The PGA Tour 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Watersports World 12.00am Champions Tour Golf 1.00 Golf 2.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 10.00am Motocross 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 World Cup Of Pool 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Airsports World 3.00 Davis Cup Tennis 4.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE: Afterburn 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Watersports World 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Inside The PGA Tour 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Close Melina Greenfield
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1.00pm Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Children’s Champions Awards 2010 9.00 The Real A & E 10.00 FILM: Wall Street (1987) 12.25am Road Wars (x2)
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 9.00 FILM: Superman Returns (2006) 11.25 Family Guy (x2) 12.10am The Gemma Factor 12.40 Hotter Than My Daughter 1.10 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.40 Dancing On Wheels 2.40 Hotter Than My Daughter
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 It’s Only A Theory 8.00 Growing Babies 9.00 Syrian School 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Women 11.45 Mark Lawson Talks To AS Byatt 12.45am It’s Only A Theory 1.15 Syrian School 2.15 Growing Babies 3.15 Women 5.30 Close
1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Kasabian: The Hot Desk 5.45 American Idol: Results 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 American Idol: 8 Girls 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 FILM: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile (2006) 12.00am FILM: Wedding Daze (2007)
1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Vanity Dies Hard 5.20 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Canterbury Tales 11.00 Ladies Of Letters (x2) 12.00am Wycliffe
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: Kingpin (1996) 11.20 The Cleveland Show 11.50 King Of The Hill 12.20am How I Met Your Mother
3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 Shrink Rap 11.05 I Am The Elephant Man: A Bodyshock Special 12.10am The Good Wife
2.00pm Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Changing Faces: Kylie Minogue 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Medium 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model
G.O.L.D.
Comedy Central
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1.00pm Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 2.00 Top Tens 3.00 Europe’s Secret Armies 4.00 Time Team 5.00 More Industrial Revelations (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 True Gladiators 10.00 Death Machines (x2) 12.00am The FBI Files (x2
11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm FILM: Thrill Seekers (1999) 3.00 FILM: The Loch Ness Terror (2007) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Impact 9.50 Impact 11.40 Medium 12.40am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Flash Gordon 4.00 FILM: Ba’al: The Storm God (2008)
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8.15am The Front Page (1974) 10.05 Tora! Tora! Tora! (1970) 12.30pm Dial M For Murder (1954) 2.20 Call Northside 777 (1948) 4.20 The King And I (1956) 6.35 Rio Bravo (1959) 9.00 Tora! Tora! Tora! 11.25 A Lovely Way To Die (1968) 1.20am Marnie (1964) 3.40 The King And I (1956)
12.40pm The Duchess (2008) 2.30 Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life (1983) 4.20 Plunkett And Macleane (1999) 6.05 The Bank Job (2008) 8.00 Things We Lost In The Fire (2007) 10.00 The Duchess (2008) 11.55 Serial Mom (1994) 1.35am Youth Without Youth (2007)
11.00am Lady From Louisiana (1941) 12.40pm Boy On A Dolphin (1957) 2.50 I Was A Male War Bride (1949) 4.55 The Tall Men (1955) 7.15 Doctor Dolittle (1998) 8.50 Green Zone Special 9.00 Dogma (1999) See highlights 11.25 The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) 2.05am Kissing Jessica Stein 4.00 Close
7.10am The Train Robbers (1973) 9.00 The Sea Chase (1955) 11.10 Alias Jesse James (1959) 1.00pm Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) 3.00 Red River (1948) 5.15 Tortilla Soup (2001) 7.10 Billy Two Hats (1973) 9.00 Jinxed! (1982) 11.00 Without Limits (1998) 1.20am Ron Howard: 50 Years In Film
3.20pm As Time Goes By (x2) 4.40 Porridge 5.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 The Good Life 8.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.00 Gavin And Stacey 10.40 Absolutely Fabulous 11.20 Smack The Pony (x2) 12.20am French And Saunders 1.00 Absolutely Fabulous
4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Grouchy Young Men 10.30 Omid Djalili 11.05 Sex And The City (x2) 12.15am Two And A Half Men (x2)
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thursday 11 MasterChef BBC1, 8pm John Torode and Gregg Wallace continue their search for the country’s best amateur cook. In the first heat the contestants face the professional kitchen at Roast, and in the second they must make the grade at Bistro 51 in St James’. The heat winners then have to design an exceptional three course meal. Yum.
Hung Channel 4, 10.50 & 11.25pm US drama series about a cashstrapped teacher who turns to male prostitution. Damon helps his sister after Darby’s split with Hammer. Ray’s talents are requested by an extraordinary client with unusual requirements. Meanwhile, Ronnie’s financial difficulties mean that his family must make sacrifices.
Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man BBC3, 10.30pm After having completed the first 10 marathons in 11 days from London to Wales, Eddie is still less than a quarter of the way through. With 33 marathons to go, Eddie has painful blisters, injuries and is suffering from mental exhaustion. Bet he wishes he’d caught the bus now. Fantastic effort for a very worthy cause.
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Fake Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Pinky Dinky Doo 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Bear Behaving Badly 4.05 Horrible Histories 4.35 Relic: Guardians Of The Museum 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about on The One Show. 7.30 EastEnders Patrick and Libby, determined to find out Owen’s whereabouts, pay a visit to the florist and make a shocking discovery. Yes, roses are pricey. It’s DVD night at the Beales’ and Ian’s choice is an unforgettable gore fest. Ian and Jane’s holiday to Skegness been caught on camera? 8.00 MasterChef See highlights 9.00 Cars, Cops And Criminals A gangster from Tanzania gets caught stealing Mercedes limos from car hire companies and driving them into containers for export abroad. And British car crime cops train the Ugandan police how to spot a stolen car. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time To mark International Women’s Week, and for the first time, Question Time has an all-women audience. Smokin’ bras! 11.35 This Week A political review of the week. 12.20am Skiing Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Sign Zone: Countryfile 1.50 Sign Zone: Five Days 2.50 Sign Zone: MasterChef 3.50 Sign Zone: MasterChef 4.50 BBC
6.00am Children’s television 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger x2 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Primary Dance 11.45 Primary Creative Arts Around The World – Brazil 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads: Celebrity Special Clever bods answering questions. Can a team of celebrity chefs featuring John Burton Race, James Tanner, Atul Kochhar, Aiden Byrne and Oliver Rowe triumph? 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts David Barby and Anita Manning are on a shopping trip from Ayr on the west coast of Scotland. 7.00 The Culture Show Andrew Graham Dixon meets director Martin Scorsese to discuss his latest film. 8.00 Lambing Live Kate Henson and Adam Henson are live from the lambing sheds in Wales. Adam looks at how to make money out of sheep. Knitted money? Circus lambs? 9.00 Michelin Stars – The Madness Of Perfection In the leadup to the 2010 Guide’s publication, Sitwell goes behind the scenes to hear contrasting views on the Michelin phenomenon, from Raymond Blanc and Marco Pierre White. 10.00 Bellamy’s People Comedy. Award-winning radio phone-in host Gary Bellamy pins down exactly what it means to be British. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth analysis 11.20 Women Three-part documentary series about feminism and its impact on women’s lives. 12.20am The Culture Show Repeat of earlier show 1.20 BBC News 4.00 Around The World In 80 Faiths x2
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Country House Cooking Contest 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show
6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.15 Frasier 8.45 Frasier 9.15 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.30 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Location, Location, Location 1.05 FILM: Ride The High Country (1962) 2.55 Glamour Puds 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Charity go ahead with her wedding to Cain? Natasha starts to worry about her cash flow. Laurel and Edna are unimpressed when Anya and Thomas cause mischief. Tykes. 7.30 It Pays To Complain: Tonight Jonathan Maitland conducts a special experiment to understand why Britons are still reluctant to complain about shoddy goods and services. Go on, have a moan! 8.00 Emmerdale Laurel and Ashley are perturbed to discover that the church flowers have been tampered with. Surely not the Vicar? 8.30 Coronation Street How far will George go to keep Simon? Can Tina and Gail hold it together for Joe? Will Kelly help Nick and get her own back on Carla? Scandalous. 9.00 The Bill: Ricochet The team are called to a road traffic accident where a motorist has hit a youth who has since fled the scene. 10.00 ITV News & Weather. 10.35 Car Crime UK Trevor McDonald follows the Neighbourhood Task Force in Stockport as they pursue a stolen Golf GTI being used by a gang to commit further crimes. 11.35 The Krypton Factor It is the final! Taxing game show. 12.05am In Plain Sight 12.50 Loose Women 1.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show
6.00 The Simpsons When Springfield Elementary installs new vending machines, it is not long before an enormous Bart is off to fat camp. Eat his shorts, man. 6.30 Hollyoaks Josh is still full of self loathing, so Rhys tries to make him see the positives. However, Josh lets rip at his family, and tells them that he is moving out. So there. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: Loo Ladies Portraits of the attendants who keep the most private of public places tidy. 8.00 Country House Rescue Four generations of the Rogers family live at Riverhill House in Kent, but the once treasured 18th century manor has fallen into disrepair and needs a cash injection fast. 9.00 Too Poor For Posh School Documentary following three boys as they undergo a relentless day of tests and interviews for a scholarship to London’s Harrow School. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan has a yap with Mary J Blige. 10.50 Hung See highlights x 2. 12.00am Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Joining Chris on the show are Mel B, James Corden and Vic Reeves. 12.50 Alone In The Wild. 1.45 FILM: The Riverman (2004) A detective conducts interviews with Ted Bundy, to solve the case of the Green River Killer. 3.10 Angry George Irons 3.30 The Dead Zone 4.15 The War At Home
6.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 The Milky And Shake Show 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor x2 12.40 News 12.45 Extraordinary Animals 1.15 Wild Animal ER 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: Murder 101 (2006) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away A rampant graffiti vandal is loose in Summer Bay. Banksy down under. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action. 10.30 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series that unlocks the doors of the United States’ most notorious prisons. This instalment focuses on Detroit’s Wayne County Jail, where a radical new scheme offers habitual female offenders a final chance at life on the outside. Have to be a big cake to conceal that file. 11.35 The Sexy Ads Show Comedian Spencer Brown presents some of the sexiest, weirdest and most shocking commercials ever to be shown on television.Delights in this episode include topless tennis, rude food and some unexpected behaviour from senior citizens. 12.05am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 The FBI Files Documentary series. The FBI’s crime lab - the largest such facility in the world – grapples with fraud, drug trafficking, kidnapping, murder, extortion and terrorism. Forensic scientists catch hardened criminals. 4.50 The Family Recipe Cookery 4.55 County Secrets 5.35 Home And Away
6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Inside The PGA Tour 10.30 Boots N All 11.30 Total Rugby 12.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Boots N All 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.30 Trans World Sport 4.30 Boots N All 5.30 The Rugby Club 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Time Of Our Lives 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 Test Cricket
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Champions Tour Golf 10.00 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 10.30 Golf 11.30 Champions Tour Golf 12.30pm Inside The PGA Tour 1.00 Golf 2.00 Champions Tour Golf 3.00 Inside The PGA Tour 3.30 Golf 4.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 5.00 Race World 6.00 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 6.30 The Dogs 7.00 LIVE: Live World Golf Championship 11.00 Netball: Super League 1.00am World Golf Championship 5.00 Close
Sky Sports 3 11.00am Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 3.00 Rolex FEI World Cup Show Jumping 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Rolex FEI World Cup Show Jumping 7.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.30 LIVE Championship Rugby League 9.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 Darts: Premier League 4.30 The Dogs 5.00 Close Melina Greenfield
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2.00pm Angela And Friends 3.30 Children’s Champions Awards 2010 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 9.00 A League Of Their Own 10.00 Bones 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am A League Of Their Own
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 8.30 Hotter Than My Daughter 9.00 Dancing On Wheels 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 See highlights 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Dancing On Wheels 1.10 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.40 Hotter Than My Daughter
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 Chemistry: A Volatile History 9.00 Race Horses: Storyville 10.20 FILM: Buddha Collapsed Out Of Shame (2007) 11.40 Mark Lawson Talks To Maureen Lipman 12.40am The Jazz Baroness: Storyville 2.05 Race Horses: Storyville 3.25 Chemistry: A Volatile History 5.30 Close
4.40pm The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.00 American Idol: 8 Boys 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 10.35 FILM: What Women Want (2000) 1.10am Coronation Street 1.40 Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen USA
4.10pm The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death 5.20 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 The Darling Buds Of May 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Numb3rs 10.55 FILM: The Graduate (1967) 1.05am Wycliffe 2.00 Agatha Christie’s Partners In Crime 2.50 Film File
2.35pm Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 Skins 11.05 Glee 12.05am How I Met Your Mother 12.35 Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Skins
3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.30 Dfs Crufts 2010 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 The Closer 12.00am The Good Wife 1.00 Brothers And Sisters
1.00pm Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Medium 9.00 Grey’s Anatomy 10.00 Criminal Minds (x2) 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
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Comedy Central
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4.00pm Time Team 5.00 More Industrial Revelations (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Extreme Loggers 10.00 Swords: Life On The Line 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives (x2)
12.00pm Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1.00 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 3.00 FILM: Loch Ness (1996) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Legend Of The Seeker 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: 30000 Leagues Under The Sea (2007) 11.40 Medium 12.40am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2)
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12.10pm The Producers (1968) 4.10 The Movie Geek 4.40 High Noon (1952) 6.20 The Blue Max (1966) 9.00 The Hustler (1961) 11.20 The St Valentine’s Day Massacre (1967) 1.10am Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 3.10 The Tomb Of Ligeia (1964) 4.45 Fourteen Hours (1951)
9.30am Hero (2002) 11.15 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 1.15pm Two Lovers (2008) 3.10 The Kite Runner (2007) 5.20 The Movie Geek 5.50 Hero (2002) 7.35 Julia (2008) 10.00 Two Lovers (2008) 11.55 Waltz With Bashir (2008) 1.30am Julia (2008) 3.55 Waltz With Bashir (2008)
11.00am Wild Strawberries (1957) 12.50pm Cottage To Let (1941) 2.35 Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 4.55 Battle Of The River Plate (1956) 7.15 Knights Of The South Bronx (2005) 9.00 The X Files (1998) 11.15 Green Zone Special 11.25 Resurrected (1989) 1.10am Bamako (2006) 3.30 Close
6.45am Red River (1948) 9.00 Tortilla Soup (2001) 11.10 Billy Two Hats (1973) 1.00pm The Voyage (1973) 3.00 Man Of The West (1958) 5.15 Sayonara (1957) 8.15 The Screening Room 9.00 Blue Sky (1994) 11.00 A Fish In The Bathtub (1999) 1.00am Blue Sky (1994) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 The Voyage (1973)
3.20pm Keeping Up Appearances 4.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Steptoe And Son 8.00 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 9.20 Gavin And Stacey 10.00 Fawlty Towers 10.40 Men Behaving Badly 11.20 Game On 12.00am Dinnerladies 12.40 Ever Decreasing Circles
4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 FILM: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989) 11.45 Sex And The City (x2) 1.00 Two And A Half Men (x2)
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friday 12 Dancing On Ice Friday ITV1, 8pm Ben Shephard, Coleen Nolan and the skating stars are joined by super-fan Christopher Biggins. Coleen ventures back on the ice with Torvill and Dean to demonstrate this week’s required element. Backstage the celebs give us a run-down of their aches, pains and injuries – moan, moan, moan.
Eurovision: Your Country Needs You
BBC1, 8.30pm Graham Norton and Pete Waterman preside over one of the year’s most important votes: who will represent the UK at the Eurovision Song Contest. With six acts fighting for the right to sing Pete’s song, it’s a nerve-wracking decision. Did anyone ask SuBo?
Hotter Than My Daughter BBC3, 11pm Liz McClarnon presents a series taking a unique look at mum/ daughter relationships, in which the mums claim to be hotter than their daughters. Gaynor has decided that her life is now all about hotpants and toyboys, but daughter Kate is worried about her lifestyle. You’re not going out wearing that, mother!
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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Fake Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Pinky Dinky Doo 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Bear Behaving Badly 4.05 ROY 4.35 Gastronuts 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00-9.30am Children’s television 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Class Clips 11.15 Emotional Literacy 11.25 Primary Class Clips 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Country House Cooking Contest 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show
6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.30 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 In Your Dreams 12.15 Location, Location, Location 1.15 FILM: Murder, She Said (1961) 2.55 Glamour Puds 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 The Simpsons
6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm World Golf Championship: CA Championship 4.00 Barclays Premier League World 4.30 Test Cricket 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Boxing 12.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 12.30 Super League 2.00 Boxing 4.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.30 Football League Weekend 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about on The One Show. 7.30 MasterChef The contestants must design an exceptional three course meal that will impress the judges. Pot Noodle, Turkey Twizzlers and Arctic roll. Bish, bash, bosh. 8.00 EastEnders Libby forces a confession from Lucas – how will he explain himself? Lie through his gnashers? 8.30 Eurovision: Your Country Needs You See highlights. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross conducts an exclusive interview with Cheryl Cole. Will she spill the beans about her naughty husband? Chances are. 11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw The Euromillions and Millionaire Raffle results with presenter Carole Machin. 11.45 FILM: Arachnophobia (1990) Heart-stopping horror yarn in which a doctor, Ross Jennings, finds his patients falling victim to the offspring of a deadly tropical variety of the very creature he loathes – the spider. Turn away during the toilet scene. Yoiks! 1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: MasterChef 2.00 Sign Zone: Seven Ages Of Britain
6.00 Eggheads: Celebrity Special Celebrity experts feature Kristian Digby, Jonty Hearnden, Joe Swift, Declan Curry and Anton Du Beke. Losers must boil their heads. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts David Barby and Anita Manning are on their last shopping trip of the week, from Carlisle, through Cumbria and County Durham, to their next auction in Leyburn, North Yorkshire. It’s all go. 7.00 Coast Geographer Nicholas Crane visits sees the dramatic Severn Bore. Miranda Krestovnikoff reveals some of the secrets of our rockpools. 8.00 Mastermind Host John Humphrys invites four contenders to answer questions in the black chair. Is it comfy? Does it recline? 8.30 Gardeners’ World The Royal Horticultural Society demonstrate rose pruning techniques at Hyde Hall. 9.00 Mastercrafts Three hopefuls learn about stonemasonry. 10.00 The Bubble Comedy news quiz hosted by David Mitchell. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.00 The Review Show Round table arts and culture discussion. 11.50 Heroes Drama series 12.30am FILM: Sugarhouse (2007) Thriller. An irrational, deadly game of cat and mouse 2.00 FILM: I Don’t Want To Be Born. 3.30 BBC News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain tries to convince Debbie to stay. Edna is distraught when Tootsie goes missing. Lisa is reminded that she could be facing a prison sentence. 7.30 Coronation Street Have George’s actions put Simon in danger? Find out in an hour. 8.00 Dancing On Ice Friday See highlights 8.30 Coronation Street Peter is distraught as he searches for Simon in Blackpool. Try the Big Dipper. 9.00 Michael Winner’s Dining Stars The nation’s most controversial restaurant critic is entertained by a sophisticated set of ladies in Shrewsbury and attends an Indian banquet in Solihull. Calm down dears! It’s only a banquet. 10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 FILM: Death Wish 3 (1985) Second sequel in the action thriller series about a former architect who has devoted his life to a gun-toting crusade against vicious muggers. 12.20am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency Real-life ER. 1.10 FILM: Murder By Numbers (2001) Thriller. 3.10 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service. 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 The Simpsons Homer is convinced the end is nigh. 6.30 Hollyoaks Steph confides in Darren that she’s worried about the letter she sent to Gilly. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 White Boy, Black Nanny South Africa-born director Mark Rossiter attempts to track down the black nanny who raised him for ten years during Apartheid. Armed with only a 25-year-old photograph and a first name, Mark journeys in search of his former guardian. 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Neil and Tina have had enough of Italy and want to move back to the UK or maybe to the South of France. 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies Uncovering the nation’s awkward medical complaints. Including Kirstie, who has inverted nipples, and a patient suffering from ‘fish odour syndrome’. Lay off the scampi, then. 10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night With Billie Piper and Dale Winton. 10.50 FILM: Bulletproof Monk (2003) A Tibetan monk enlists the help of a pickpocket in order to protect an immortality-giving scroll from a new generation of Nazis. 12.50am 4 Music: The Album Chart Show Introduces... Singer-songwriter Ellie Goulding. 1.05 4 Music: 4Play: The Plasticines. 1.15 FILM: Holy Man (1998) Satirical comedy.
6.00am-8.15 Children’s television 8.15 The Milky And Shake Show 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.40 Five News 12.45 Extraordinary Animals 1.15 Wild Animal ER 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: A Stranger’s Heart (2007) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Leah can no longer deny her feelings for Elijah. Nicole and Aden get back on track. Charlie and Angelo are drawn further apart. Who by? Monet? 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Building The Ultimate Documentary revealing the fascinating technological journey of the jet fighter, from the Gloster Meteor to today’s Eurofighter Typhoon. 8.00 Highland Emergency Documentary. Two climbers are stranded on Ben Nevis, a hill walker injures his ankle and a man with chest pains is airlifted from an oil rig. 9.00 The Mentalist Crime drama series. The agents get up close and personal with a biker gang after the gang’s lawyer is found dead. Mental. 10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent When a radio magnate’s son is murdered, suspicion points to his stepmother. Usually the case. 11.00 NCIS Gibbs forms an uneasy alliance with Agent Lee in order to catch the man who has kidnapped her daughter. 12.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.00 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Great Scientists 4.55 County Secrets about the area. 5.10 Neighbours. 5.35 Home And Away
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 11.30 Darts: Premier League 3.00pm WWE: Raw 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Tight Lines 7.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am Ladies European Tour Golf 2.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.00 World Sport 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 Netball: Super League 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm The Dogs 12.30 Varsity Rugby League 1.25 Live Cricket 9.30 Test Cricket 11.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 1.30 Football League Weekend 3.00 NFL: Total Access 4.00 Tight Lines 5.00 World Sport 5.30 Snow Ride
Melina Greenfield
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12.00pm The Biggest Loser: Australia 1.00 Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 WWE: Superstars 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Best Of Oops TV 9.00 Lost 10.00 A League Of Their Own 11.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 12.00am Road Wars (x2)
7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Stag Weekends: The Dirty Secrets 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.00 See highlights 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 1.15 The Gemma Factor 1.45 Undercover Princesses
7.00pm News 7.30 Sacred Music 8.30 Barbados At The Races: Storyville 9.00 Blues Britannia: Can Blue Men Play The Whites? 10.30 Blues At The BBC 11.30 Sidekick Stories 12.30am Blues Britannia: Can Blue Men Play The Whites? 2.00 Blues At The BBC 3.00 Sacred Music 4.00 Sidekick Stories
12.00pm Coronation Street 12.30 Emmerdale( x2) 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy (x3) 6.00 Dancing On Ice 7.30 Dancing On Ice - The Skate-Off 8.00 The Vampire Diaries 9.00 American Idol: Results 10.00 FILM: The Matrix (1999) 12.45am Coronation Street (x2)
2.10pm Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death 5.20 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Pie In The Sky 9.00 Kingdom 10.00 Doc Martin 12.00am FILM: Shakespeare In Love (1998) 2.10 Agatha Christie’s Partners In Crime
12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 How To Look Good Naked 10.05 Wife Swap 11.10 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 12.00am How I Met Your Mother
2.20pm Come Dine With Me 2.50 The Coach Trip 3.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Dfs Crufts 2010 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 FILM: Elizabeth (1998) 11.25 Heroes Of Comedy 12.30am FILM: Elizabeth (1998)
11.00am Maury 11.55 Celebs 24/7 12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Medium 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI (x3) 1.00am Passport Patrol (x2)
G.O.L.D.
Comedy Central
Discovery
Sci Fi
Sky Movies
Sky Movies
Film4
TCM
1.00pm Swords: Life On The Line 2.00 Top Tens 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Engines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Hitler - A Profile 10.00 Bloody Britain (x2) 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)
11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: Swarm (2007) 3.20 FILM: Warbirds (2008) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Malibu Shark Attack (2009) 10.40 FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 12.40am Legend Of The Seeker
Classics
Indie
10.50am East Of Eden (1955) 12.50pm Bedazzled (1967) 2.40 Modesty Blaise (1966) 4.45 Seven Days In May (1964) 6.45 A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (1945) 9.00 Bedazzled (1967) 10.50 Modesty Blaise (1966) 1.00am The Movie Geek 1.30 The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)
12.40pm The Movie Geek 1.10 Shine A Light (2008) 3.20 Three And Out (2008) 5.10 The Fox And The Child (2007) 6.50 I Think I Love My Wife (2007) 8.30 South Park: Uncut (1999) 10.00 Three And Out (2008) 11.45 The Big Lebowski (1998) 1.45am I Think I Love My Wife (2007)
11.00am The Thief (1952) 12.45pm The Guinea Pig (1948) 2.40 All About Eve (1950) 5.20 Niagara (1952) 7.05 The Perfect Score (2003) 8.50 Green Zone Special 9.00 Cellular (2004) 10.50 Hostage (2005) 1.00am Night Watch (2004) 3.30 Close
7.05am Man Of The West (1958) 9.05 Sayonara (1957) 12.10pm The Screening Room 1.00 The Whales Of August (1987) 3.00 The Unforgiven (1960) 5.20 Of Mice And Men (1992) 7.30 The Big Night (1951) 9.00 Pet Cematary (1989) 11.05 Bullitt (1968) 1.15am Pet Sematary (1989)
3.20pm As Time Goes By (x2) 4.40 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Yes, Prime Minister (x2) 8.40 Porridge 9.20 Fawlty Towers 10.00 The Royle Family 10.35 Little Britain 11.15 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.35am The Royle Family
4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x3) 10.30 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.00 Grouchy Young Men 11.30 Lee Evans Live 1.15am The Office: An American Workplace
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saturday 13 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button ITV1, 8pm Do you think that when Ant and Dec go shopping they write ‘Ant & Dec’s Shopping List’ at the top of their bit of paper? Putting aside their need to own every programme with their names, this new series has kicked off well, with families playing for prizes and involving celebrities. Saturday night gold.
CSI: NY Five, 9pm CSI is such a big franchise, maybe people are just too afraid to tell them that their plots are a little bit Scooby Doo at times? Get this – a 911 call from a penthouse flat; when they arrive there’s no caller, but instead a mummified corpse, and possibly more victims in the ‘death house’. Scooby Doo, where are you?
Film: Blithe Spirit Film4, 4.30pm Directed by David Lean, adapted from a play by Noel Coward and starring Rex Harrison and Kay Hammond, with a scene-stealing turn from Margaret Rutherford. Brilliant stuff. The plot has Charles and his second wife Ruth playing at having a séance with friends, only to be rudely joined by the ghost of his first wife. Ha!
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6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 10.10 Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 12.30pm BBC News 12.40 South East Today 12.45 Football Focus 1.30 A Question Of Sport 2.00 Six Nations Rugby: Ireland V Wales 4.25 BBC News 4.30 South East Today 4.35 Six Nations Rugby: Scotland V England
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 8.30 Jump Nation 9.30 Prank Patrol 10.00 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 10.30 Keep Your Enemies Close 11.00 The Slammer 11.30 My Life: Karate Kids 12.00pm Greek 12.45 Single, Together, Whatever 1.15 The 5.19 Show 1.35 The Cut 2.00 Revealed 2.15 The Sky At Night 2.55 FILM: Suspicion (1941) 4.30 Final Score 5.20 FILM: First Knight (1995)
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Emu 9.55 Tricky Quickies 10.00 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.30 Lion Country 11.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 12.00pm ITV News & Weather 12.10 Michael Winner’s Dining Stars 1.10 FILM: Murder, She Wrote: The Last Free Man (2001) 2.50 Midsomer Murders 4.50 FILM: Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007)
6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 World Sport 7.30 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Glee 10.50 Diversity’s Dance Masterclass: Top 20 11.55 Ultimate Traveller 1.00pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 Three Hungry Boys 4.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 4.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Super League 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 1.15am Sky Sports Classics 1.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.00 LIVE Boxing
7.00 Let’s Dance For Sport Relief Let’s Dance for Sport Relief. Time to spot some more YouTube gems in the making. Watch that wobble and jump with those jiggles. 8.15 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins. Because the latest extreme sport is choosing some numbers and paying a pound for them. Daring, indeed. 9.05 Casualty Alice worries about Adam’s state of mind, and she tells Jordan she doesn’t think he is coping. Ruth and Jay encounter a problem during the trial, Dixie prepares for her hen night, and May convinces Yuki to keep their relationship under wraps. Duck hoisin wraps. Boom! Boom! 9.55 BBC News 10.15 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the Premier League. 11.35 The Football League Show Highlights from the day’s Football League games. 12.50am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross presents another edition of the current series. Jonathan is joined by Charlotte Church, James Corden, the cast of Outnumbered and Olympic golden girl, Amy Williams. Plus Cheryl Cole performs Parachute. 1.50 Weatherview 1.55 Sign Zone: Dinner With Portillo 2.25 Alesha Dixon: Who’s Your Daddy? 3.25 BBC News
7.30 Dad’s Army Classic sitcom. 8.00 Requiem For Detroit Detroit was once America’s fourth largest city. Built by the car for the car, with its groundbreaking suburbs, freeways and shopping centres, it was the embodiment of the American dream. Now it is truly a dystopic postindustrial city. Detroit leads the way again but in a very different direction. 9.15 QI XL Stephen Fry hosts the hilarious, mind-expanding quiz in which the aim is to be interesting. 10.00 Heroes Drama series about people around the world dealing with their newly discovered superpowers. 10.40 Motor City’s Burning: Detroit From Motown To The Stooges Documentary looking at how Detroit became home to a musical revolution that captured the sound of a nation in upheaval. In the early ‘60s, Motown transcended Detroit’s inner city to take black music to a white audience, while in the late ‘60s suburban kids like the MC5 and the Stooges descended into the black inner city to create revolutionary rock. 11.40 FILM: Gridlock’d (1997) Starring Tim Roth, Tupac Shakur, Thandie Newton. Quirky, streetwise comedy drama about two Detroit drug addicts who encounter obstacles when they decide to go straight. 1.10am Martin Freeman Goes To Motown 1.55 FILM: Man About Dog (2004) 3.15 Inside F1
6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.40 ITV News & Weather 7.00 New You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill showcases more of the funniest footage filmed by viewers on their camcorders and mobile phones. 7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Another romp through the week’s TV. As usual there is no way of knowing what televisual treats the big-collared comic will be serving up, but you may have spotted some contenders during your regular weekly viewing. 8.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button See highlights. 9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Kym Marsh Piers Morgan talks to Coronation Street actress and former Hear’Say singer Kym Marsh. . 10.00 FILM: Troy (2004) Starring Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom, Diane Kruger and Sean Bean. Spectacular adaptation of Homer’s epic poem ‘The Iliad’. When Trojan prince Paris woos Helen, Queen of Sparta, away from her husband Menelaus, the legendary warrior Achilles is called to lead the armies of Greece against the city of Troy. 11.30 ITV News & Weather 11.45 FILM: Troy They’re still REALLY cross. 1.05am FILM: Timecop: The Berlin Decision (2003) 2.25 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News
6.00 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions Cookery-based reality show in which chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner host. Brenda Mallam’s Spanish menu leaves her with a tricky paella to cook under her guest’s eagle eyes. 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 FILM: Stardust (2007) Starring Charlie Cox, Claire Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Ricky Gervais, Sienna Miller and Peter O’Toole. Lavish fantasy about an English country boy who takes a journey with a beautiful girl in the form of a shooting star. In case you missed it last weekend. Lush. 9.25 FILM: In Her Shoes (2005) Starring Cameron Diaz, Toni Collette, Shirley MacLaine, Anson Mount, Richard Burgi and Candice Azzara. Touching comedy drama based on Jennifer Weiner’s best-selling book. A party girl clashes with her sensible sister after she sleeps with her boyfriend, then goes in search of their long-lost grandmother. Probably doesn’t reckon she’ll fancy the older relation’s boyfriend. 11.55 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Guests include comedian Frankie Boyle, ice skaters Torvill and Dean, and pop star Mary J Blige. 12.45am FILM: City Of God (2002) 2.55 The Dead Zone 3.35 St Elsewhere 4.25 Scrapheap Challenge 5.15 Countdown
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Hana’s Helpline 8.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.05 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Europa League Football 11.00 The Gadget Show 12.00pm Megastructures: 747 Demolition 1.05 Chinese Food In Minutes 1.35 FILM: The King And I (1999) 3.10 FILM: Man Of The House (1995) 5.15 Five News 5.20 FILM: The Battle Of The Bulge (1965) 8.00 NCIS Drama series following the US Navy’s dedicated federal agency. When a suspect dies in custody, Ziva is criticised for her tactics, which may have been indirectly responsible. But things develop apace when the suspect’s brother, unaware of his sibling’s death, kidnaps Jenny and demands that he is released. The dead suspect that is. He’s not being Englebert Humpledink and singing to ‘Please Release Me’. That would be silly. 9.00 CSI: NY See highlights. 10.00 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers. A car bomb kills a man who was fighting to terminate the life of his comatose wife. Fontana and Green investigate a host of pro-life campaigners, including an influential reverend and an amateur bombmaker. Obviously there’s nothing suspicious about that pairing. Who else can’t cite the bomb-making apostle? 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation US drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. Warrick investigates a spate of drive-by shootings. An office boss lies dead for hours before his staff alert the police. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.05 House Doctor (x2) 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 World Sport 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 2.30 Test Cricket 4.30 Friday Fight Night 6.30 Hyundai A League 7.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Hyundai A League 3.00 IEX Magazine 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Friday Fight Night 8.00 LIVE Hyundai A League 10.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 12.00pm IEX Magazine 12.30 LIVE All-England Badminton 5.00 IEX Magazine 5.30 NFL - Total Access 6.25 World Sport 6.55 LIVE: Spanish Football (x2) 11.00 The Super 14 Show 1.00am WWE Late Night Superstars 2.00 World Golf Championship
Victoria Nangle
extraterrestrial Sky1
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Living
1.00pm The Real A & E 2.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 3.00 Fat Families 4.00 The World Wild Vet 5.00 Best Of Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 9.00 FILM: The Librarian: The Curse Of The Judas Chalice (2008) 10.45 Fringe 11.45 Road Wars 12.45am A League Of Their Own
7.00pm The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 8.00 Top Gear 9.05 FILM: Bruce Almighty (2003) 10.40 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 11.40 Family Guy 12.00am American Dad! (x2) 12.45 Hotter Than My Daughter 1.15 Snog Marry Avoid? 1.45 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 2.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2)
7.00pm John Betjeman Goes By Train 7.10 Life 8.10 Monsoon Railway 9.05 Wallander 10.35 The Armstrong And Miller Show (x2) 11.35 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 12.10am Leeds International Piano Competition 2009 1.10 BBC Proms 2009: Jurowski And London Philharmonic
1.35pm Holiday Showdown 2.40 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 3.40 American Idol: 8 Girls (x2) 5.40 American Idol: Results 6.40 FILM: Innerspace (1987) 9.00 FILM: The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 11.40 FILM: Red Dragon (2002) 2.05am Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.30 The Vampire Diaries 3.15 Teleshopping
11.55am FILM: The Railway Children (1970) 2.10pm The Darling Buds Of May 3.10 Wycliffe 4.10 Pie In The Sky 5.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.25 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 Lewis: Whom The Gods Would Destroy 11.00 Trial And Retribution 1.10am Reckless 2.05 The Beiderbecke Connection
12.50pm Supernanny 1.55 How To Look Good Naked 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 The Big Bang Theory 7.25 How I Met Your Mother 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Assault On Precinct 13 (2005) 11.05 FILM: My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) 1.15am Supernanny
11.30am FILM: A River Runs Through It (1992) 2.00pm Grand Designs Revisited (x3) 5.20 Grand Designs 6.25 Grand Designs Revisited 7.30 Dfs Crufts 2010 8.30 Animals In The Womb 9.40 Extraordinary Animals In The Womb 11.20 Bernard Madoff: 65 Billion Dollar Swindle 12.25am Animals In The Womb
12.00pm Four Weddings (x5) 3.00 Changing Faces: Kylie Minogue 4.00 FILM: The Karate Kid III (1989) 6.20 Celebs 24/7 6.30 Nothing To Declare (x3) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 Most Haunted: The Live Series 11.00 Exposed: Angelina Jolie 12.00am Medium 1.00 Nothing To Declare (x3) 2.00 Criminal Minds
G.O.L.D.
Comedy Central
Discovery
Sci Fi
Sky Movies
Sky Movies
Film4
TCM
12.00pm Extreme Engineering (x6) 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Christianity: A History 10.00 Death Machines 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives (x2) 3.50 Death Machines
11.00am Sanctuary 12.00pm Legend Of The Seeker 1.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x5) 7.00 FILM: Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1995) 9.00 FILM: Tremors 3: Back To Perfection (2001) 11.00 FILM: Shark Attack: The Movie (2005) 12.40am Heroes (x3) 4.00 FILM: Past Tense (2006)
12.25pm Shenandoah (1965) 2.10 The Far Country (1955) 3.50 Rear Window (1954) 5.45 Vertigo (1958) 8.00 It’s A Wonderful Life (1946) 10.15 Bandolero! (1968) 12.45am Shenandoah (1965) 1.50 The Far Country (1955) 3.30 Bandolero! (1968) 5.20 Call Northside 777 (1948)
12.45pm Adulthood (2008) 2.30 Plunkett And Macleane (1999) 4.20 Rumble Fish (1983) 6.10 Out Of Sight (1998) 8.15 Insomnia (1997) 10.00 There Will Be Blood (2007) 12.40am Adulthood (2008) 2.30 Damon/Greengrass Face 2 Face 3.00 Plunkett And Macleane (1999)
11.00am The Card (1952) 12.50pm Green Zone Special 1.00 Doctor Dolittle (1998) 2.40 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 4.30 Blithe Spirit (1945). See highlights. 6.20 Green Zone Special 6.25 K-19: The Widowmaker (2002) 9.00 She’s The Man (2006) 11.00 Day Watch (2006)
1.00pm Little Man Tate (1991) 3.00 After The Fox (1966) 5.10 Adolf Hitler My Part In His Downfall (1972) 7.20 Haunted Honeymoon (1986) 9.00 Benny And Joon (1993) 11.00 Breathless (1959) 1.00am Benny And Joon (1993) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Little Man Tate (1991)
12.50pm Only Fools And Horses (x5) 8.00 FILM: Father Of The Bride (1991) 10.00 Jonathan Creek 11.15 The Comic Strip Presents... (x2) 12.35am Absolutely Fabulous 1.15 French And Saunders 1.55 Butterflies 2.30 The Comic Strip Presents... 3.00 Home Shopping
4.30pm Samantha Who? 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 FILM: Beetlejuice (1988) 8.45 Scrubs 9.15 Lee Evans: Wired And Wonderful - Live At Wembley 11.30 FILM: Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989) 1.10am Grouchy Young Men
Classics
Indie
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sunday 14 Dancing On Ice ITV1, 7.10pm Aren’t Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean special? Not only do they help all of the celebs choreograph all of their steps, and train them and all of that – but they also put on a brand new spectacular show themselves every week. Gosh and darn, a big hand for them. Now, back to the competition. Who’s going to fall?
Blur – No Distance Left To Run BBC2, 10.50pm Last year ‘90s super group Blur reformed after a 10-year hiatus. This full-length documentary follows the summer of warm-up gigs and rehearsals, rediscovering their music, their friendships and explaining a bit about their history. Good on Damon, Alex, Graham and Dave.
Black Books More4, 11.40pm The bad-tempered bookshop owner, played and written by Dylan Moran, has a problem. He has a brand new security system but it seems no-one can work it. Not even extra clever Manny, played by Bill Bailey. With Tamsin Greig rounding off the confused trio, this is a welcome return of the comedy gem.
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ITV1
Channel 4
Five
Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 BBC News 11.10 Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 2.15pm The Politics Show 3.30 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 4.15 Murder, She Wrote 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today
6.00am Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 6.20 Clifford The Big Red Dog 6.35 Brum 6.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 7.00 Arthur 7.15 Dennis & Gnasher 7.25 Dennis & Gnasher 7.40 The Basil Brush Show 8.05 Jinx 8.25 Leon 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 9.00 Tracy Beaker Returns 9.30 Spirit Warriors 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 On Thin Ice 12.15pm EastEnders 2.10 Six Nations Rugby 4.40 Escape To The Country 5.10 Banded Brothers – The Mongoose Mob
6.00am GMTV 9.25 Bookaboo 9.40 Horrid Henry 9.55 Tricky Quickies 10.00 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.20pm ITV News & Weather 12.30 FILM: The Best Of Benny Hill (1974) 2.10 Columbo: Murder In Malibu 4.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot
6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 The Hoobs 6.50 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.15 The British Gas Great Swim Series 8.10 Mobil 1 The Grid 8.35 Freesports On 4 9.10 The Hills 9.40 Friends 10.10 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.40pm Ultimate Traveller 1.45 Friends 2.15 Friends 2.45 90210 3.45 The Simpsons 4.20 The Simpsons 4.50 Deal Or No Deal 5.35 Glee
6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Hana’s Helpline 8.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.20 The Mr. Men Show 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Hannah Montana 10.35 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.10 Build A New Life In The Country 12.05pm Highland Emergency 1.05 Ice Road Truckers 2.10 FILM: Hangman’s Knot (1952) 3.45 FILM: The Cowboys (1972)
6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Boxing 11.30 Ford Football Special 1.00am Super Sunday: The Last Word 1.30 Spanish Football 3.25 LIVETest Cricket
6.00 Countryfile Matt Baker heads for the Severn Estuary in Gloucestershire to surf one of the wonders of the natural world – the infamous Severn Bore. 7.00 Victoria: A Royal Love Story Victoria and Albert. Oh what a couple in love. Victoria was true to her sweetheart, just as true as stars above. He was her man, and he pioneered a new intimate piercing. 8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford Costume drama. When the local Lark Rise gossip Mrs Mullins discovers her daughter Emily is pregnant, she leaps to the conclusion that Daniel is the father. Is he out buying nappies? 9.00 Seven Ages Of Britain The story of the British Empire from 1750 to 1900, revealed through its art and treasures. 10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Great British Railway Journeys Documentary series. 10.55 FILM: The Brothers Grimm (2005) Starring Heath Ledger, Matt Damon, Monica Bellucci, Lena Headey, Jonathan Pryce. Jacob and Will Grimm are sibling con artists specialising in taking advantage of peasant superstitions. But then they get drawn into a very real fairy tale. 12.45am Weatherview 12.50 Sign Zone: Berlin 1.50 Sign Zone: Holby City 2.50 The Real Winnie Mandela 3.50 BBC News
6.10 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections Richard Hammond discovers the secrets behind the Keck Observatory, which has seen further into the universe than any other telescope on Earth. Even the one used to film ‘Flight Of The Navigator’. 7.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views from the usual team. Jeremy Clarkson and James May invade Greenham Common airbase to ask if the Communists have ever made a good car. You can bet they’ll investigate thoroughly. 8.00 Tropic Of Cancer Simon Reeve starts his epic journey around the world following the Tropic of Cancer, the northern border of the tropics region. In this first episode Simon travels from the beautiful Pacific coast of Mexico. 9.00 Wonders Of The Solar System Professor Brian Cox describes how the laws of nature have carved natural wonders across the solar system. Brian reveals how all the beauty and order we see in our cosmic backyard was carved out of nothing more than a chaotic cloud of gas. Quiet that sniggering! 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 10.50 Blur – No Distance Left To Run See highlights. 12.35am Blur At Glastonbury 2009 1.20 FILM: Human Traffic (1999) 2.55 BBC News 3.50 Super League Show
6.10 Meridian News; Weather 6.25 ITV News & Weather 6.40 Harry Hill’s TV Burp Another chance to catch yesterday’s mickey-ripping of the week’s telly. 7.10 Dancing On Ice See highlights. 8.30 Wild At Heart When Du Plessis hears about Caroline’s intention of buying them a retirement home he confesses to Olivia that he has given away all of their savings to his son. Will they be able to resolve the situation before the family find out? 9.30 Dancing On Ice – The Skate-Off Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield reveal the results of the public vote. Ooh! I could crush a grape, the tension’s so palpable. 10.00 ITV News & Weather 10.15 Trevor McDonald Meets David Cameron Sir Trevor McDonald talks to David Cameron to find out about the public and private man who hopes to become Britain’s next Prime Minister. He joins David at home and at work and meets the people who love him. No bias there. 11.15 Piers Morgan On Marbella Piers sets out to discover the real Marbella – but does he find it to be the poor man’s St Tropez or a place in the sun for multi-millionaires? 12.10am UEFA Champions League 12.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.30 FILM: Real Women Have Curves (2002) 3.05 Dating The Enemy 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Embarrassing Bodies The doctors uncover the nation’s awkward medical complaints. Their cases include a lady who has inverted nipples, and a patient suffering from ‘fish odour syndrome’. 8.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Tom O’Connor, Kim Woodburn, Darren Day and Claire Sweeney put on their aprons and take up the culinary challenge, with a cash prize to be donated to the winner’s favourite charity. 9.00 FILM: Snakes On A Plane (2006) Starring Samuel L Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Nathan Phillips, Rachel Blanchard. Cult action film about a policeman charged with escorting a key witness to a mob murder on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles, only to be faced with hundreds of poisonous snakes that have been released on the flight by one of the gangster’s henchmen. Will not cure any phobias. We’ve tried. 11.05 FILM: Silent Hill (2006) Starring Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden and Deborah Unger. Horror based on the popular video game. Don’t have nightmares. 1.25am FILM: The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000) 3.00 Hill Street Blues 3.50 Dispatches: Cameron Uncovered 4.45 Battlefront Television 5.15 Countdown
6.05 Five News 6.10 FILM: Jumanji (1995) Starring Robin Williams, Kirsten Dunst, Bonnie Hunt, Bebe Neuwirth, David Grier and Bradley Pierce. Fantasy adventure about a mysterious board game with magical powers. Two children discover the old game in their attic and, rolling the dice, unwittingly free a man who has been trapped inside the game for 26 years. He must be a bit stiff, stuck in that box all that time. Need a few stretches, we’d bet. 8.15 FILM: Joe Kidd (1972) Starring Clint Eastwood, Robert Duvall, John Saxon. Western in which a bounty hunter joins a posse to hunt a band of Mexican Americans in turn-of-thecentury New Mexico. Cheated by corrupt bureaucracy, the Mexicans rebel, provoking a powerful landowner to round up a team of gunmen to capture them. The bounty hunter sides with the posse, only to reconsider his allegiances when he falls in love with a Mexican girl. 10.00 FILM: Revolver (2005) Starring Jason Statham, Ray Liotta, Vincent Pastore. Complex crime thriller. Just be sure there’ll be plenty of shouting and fighting. Yeah. 12.15am The Gadget Show 1.15 SuperCasino 4.05 House Doctor (x2) 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car
Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 World Sport 12.00pm LIVE Rugby Union 2.30 Test Cricket 4.00 LIVE Rugby Union 6.30 World Sport 7.00 LIVE World Golf Championship 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am Ladies European Tour Golf 2.30 LV Cup Rugby Union 4.00 School Of Hard Knocks 4.30 Close
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Spanish Football 8.30 This Week In WWE 9.00 Boxing 10.30 Super League 12.00pm This Week In WWE 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 LIVE AllEngland Badminton 6.00 LIVE Indian Wells Masters Tennis 12.00am LV Cup Rugby Union 1.30 School Of Hard Knocks 2.00 Max Power 3.00 Close
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2.15pm FILM: The Librarian: The Curse Of The Judas Chalice (2008) 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 7.00 The World Wild Vet 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than Your Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 24 10.00 House 11.00 Bones 12.00am A League Of Their Own
7.00pm Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Undercover Princesses 10.00 Heroes 10.40 Family Guy 11.05 American Dad! (x2) 11.50 Undercover Princesses 12.50am Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 1.50 Formula 1: The Bahrain Grand Prix 2.45 Harper’s Island 3.30 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2)
7.00pm Service For Southend 7.10 FILM: Water (2005) 9.00 Geisha Girl 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Tracey Emin 11.00 Mad Men 11.45 Race Horses: Storyville 1.05am Rise Up Reggae Star: Storyville 2.05 Mad Men 2.55 Mark Lawson Talks To Tracey Emin 3.55 Blues At The BBC 5.30 Close
3.30pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp 4.00 New You’ve Been Framed! 4.30 Animals Do The Funniest Things 5.30 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 6.30 FILM: Dragonheart (1996) 8.30 What Katie Did Next 9.30 The Vampire Diaries 10.30 Married Single Other 11.30 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 12.00am Dancing On Ice
9.25am FILM: The Parent Trap (1961) 12.05pm Pollyanna 2.15 FILM: Pride & Prejudice (2005) 4.45 FILM: City Of Angels (1998) 6.55 Housewife, 49 9.00 Mansfield Park 11.05 FILM: Shakespeare In Love (1998) 1.30am PD James: An Unsuitable Job For A Woman 3.10 On The Buses 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus
12.10pm Roswell (x2) 1.55 Reaper 2.50 FILM: Entrapment (1999) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.30 Scrubs 7.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives(x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? (x2) 11.55 Being Erica 12.55am Supernanny 1.50 Gok’s Fashion Fix
2.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x4) 4.10 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.00 Dfs Crufts 2010 9.00 Good Dog! Bad Dog! 10.05 Special Needs Pets 11.10 Father Ted 11.40 Black Books. See highlights. 12.15am The IT Crowd 12.45Curb Your Enthusiasm 1.25 Deal Or No Deal 2.10 Good Dog! Bad Dog!
3.00pm FILM: The Karate Kid III (1989) 5.20 Celebs 24/7 5.30 Nothing To Declare 6.00 Changing Faces: Kylie Minogue 7.00 Psychic Sally: On The Road 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Supernatural 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 New America’s Next Top Model
G.O.L.D.
Comedy Central
Discovery
Sci Fi
Sky Movies
Sky Movies
Film4
TCM
2.00pm How Do They Do It? (x2) 3.00 How It’s Made (X2) 4.00 Extreme Loggers 5.00 MythBusters 6.00 Swords: Life On The Line 7.00 How Do They Do It? 8.00 How It’s Made (X2) 9.00 Monsters Inside Me 10.00 Dive To The Bottom Of The World 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)
2.00pm FILM: Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1995) 4.00 FILM: Tremors 3: Back To Perfection (2001) 6.00 A Town Called Eureka 7.00 Legend Of The Seeker 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: 30000 Leagues Under The Sea (2007) 10.40 FILM: Silent Venom (2009) 12.20am FILM: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998)
Classics
Indie
1.30pm True Grit (1969) 3.40 The Nutty Professor (1963) 5.30 Junior Bonner (1972) 7.20 Steptoe And Son (1972) 9.00 True Grit (1969) 11.10 The Wild Bunch (1969) 1.45am Spellbound (1945) 3.40 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 5.20 Notorious (1946)
9.00am Hero (2002) 10.45 Stealing Beauty (1996) 12.45pm Priceless (2006) 2.45 Joan Of Arc (1999) 5.30 Chaplin (1992) 8.00 Stealing Beauty (1996) 10.00 Joan Of Arc (1999) 12.40am Bart Got A Room (2008) 2.05 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 4.10 Bart Got A Room (2008)
11.00am Sea Of Sand (1958) 12.55pm Green Zone Special 1.00 Aquamarine (2006) 3.00 I Was A Male War Bride (1949) 5.05 When Eight Bells Toll (1971) 6.50 Hope Floats (1998) 9.00 Premonition (2007) 10.50 The Truth About Cats And Dogs (1995) 12.45am Import/Export (2007)
11.20am Haunted Honeymoon (1986) 1.00pm The Loneliness Of The Long Distance Runner (1962) 3.00 The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty (1947) 5.00 The Children’s Hour (1961) 7.05 Vera Cruz (1954) 9.00 Manhunter (1986) 11.30 What’s New, Pussycat? (1965) 1.45am Chuck Jones: Memories Of Childhood
5.00pm Heroes Of Comedy: Kenneth Williams 6.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Eric Sykes 7.00 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.40 Jonathan Creek 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.20 Absolutely Fabulous 11.00 French And Saunders 11.40 Heroes Of Comedy: Kenneth Williams 12.40am Heroes Of Comedy: Eric Sykes
12.00pm Two And A Half Men (x14) 7.30 Scrubs 8.00 Samantha Who? 8.30 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.30 Omid Djalili: One Night Stand 10.05 Jo Brand: Barely Live 11.40 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 12.10am Grouchy Young Men 12.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 1.40 FILM: Beetlejuice (1988)
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monday 15 Panorama BBC1, 8.30pm There’s a new law on the horizon that’s threatening to disconnect the millions of internet users who unlawfully download free music, films and TV. Jo Whiley looks at our attitudes to broadband use, and the outcry and discussion this proposed legislation has prompted. Could we all get cut off for ‘The Birdie Song’?
Grumpy Old Women BBC2, 10pm We’d just like to say right now that we don’t consider these women old. But they are a tad grumpy. The likes of Germaine Greer, Arabella Weir and Indira Joshi rail against the unfairness and trivialities of the world, giving us a chance to sit on our sofas and agree without feeling like we’re the petty ones. Funny.
Glee E4, 9pm The soundtrack is a hit online and you can follow your favourite characters on Twitter – but nothing beats watching a brand new episode each week. Quinn’s got some thinking to do so arranges for Finn to have a little distraction, prompting Kurt to help Rachel with her very own Sandy from Grease makeover.
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BBC1
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ITV1
Channel 4
Five
Sky Sports 1
6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 2 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sport Relief Does We Are The Champions 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link
6.00 – 9.30am Children’s television 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Who Are We? 11.20 The Maths Channel 11.30 The Maths Channel 11.40 Telling Tales 11.45 Telling Tales 11.50 Science Clips Investigates 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz. 6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts James Lewis and David Harper are starting their road trip in Northern Ireland with £200 each. 7.00 Seven Ages Of Britain The story of the British Empire from 1750 to 1900, revealed through its art and treasures. Repeat of Sunday’s show. 8.00 University Challenge This is the last of the quarter-finals. Imperial College London and Girton College Cambridge, get another chance to stay in the competition. 8.30 Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets Legendary chef Raymond Blanc welcomes the cameras into his kitchen to share his cooking secrets. 9.00 A Band For Britain Series following presenter Sue Perkins as she attempts to breathe new life into Dinnington Colliery Brass Band - a once proud symbol of a very British form of music, which is now on the verge of extinction. 10.00 Grumpy Old Women See highlights. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Newswipe Charlie Brooker is back, this time he’s got his sights firmly set on news and current affairs. Answer the question! 11.50 Inside John Lewis Getting a Saturday job? Or a bit more detail. 12.50am Tropic Of Cancer 1.50 BBC News 4.00 On Top Of The Digital World (x2)
6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show
6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Dolce Vito - Dream Restaurant 12.30 It’s Me Or The Dog 1.05 FILM: Never So Few (1959) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions
6.00 – 8.05am Children’s television 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.40 Five News 12.45 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: Flood: A River’s Rampage (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours
6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00pm Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 A League Of Their Own 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Football League 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket
6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Josh walks in on Rhys and India about to kiss, and launches himself at his brother. Pow! 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: How It Is 8.00 Dispatches: Children Of Gaza Jezza Neumann’s film follows three Gaza children in the year after the ceasefire of Operation Cast Lead, a 22-day campaign by the Israeli Defence Force. 9.00 The Secret Millionaire Iranian-born Jahan Abedi leaves his home in Cardiff to travel to Leicester, one of Britain’s most racially diverse cities. Jahan spends time with terminally ill patients at the Loris hospice, and volunteers at FareShare, an group that redistributes surplus food from supermarkets. He also meets a group of asylum seekers from Zimbabwe. 10.00 The Good Wife Legal drama. Alicia discovers the culprit in her arson case and is later caught offguard when asked to testify on Peter’s behalf. Who dat?! 11.00 FILM: The Sentinel (2006) Starring Kiefer Sutherland, Michael Douglas, Eva Longoria. Thriller. 1.05am FILM: The Good Thief (2002) 3.00 St Elsewhere 3.50 Year Dot 4.20 3 Minute Wonder 4.25 Battlefront Television 4.55 Osama Bin Everywhere: The Many Faces Of The Islamic World 5.45 Yo Gabba Gabba
6.00 Home And Away Mink decides to leave Summer Bay. Nicole becomes obsessed with her design course. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh. 7.30 Building The Ultimate Looking at how 50 years of research, experimentation and some tragic accidents have led to today’s safe, efficient passenger jets. Holidays are coming! 8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. Jon and Suzi search for some peace and quiet in the Caribbean and the presenters try to pick their top five sexy gadgets. 9.00 FILM: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly (1966) Starring Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach, Lee Van Cleef, Aldo Giuffre and Mario Brega. Classic spaghetti western that paints a bitterly cynical portrait of America during the Civil War as three men search for a Confederate government treasure chest buried in a cemetery. One knows where the cemetery is, and another knows where the cash box is hidden, but an evil bounty hunter knows neither, so the three stick together in an uneasy alliance to find the gold. Whistle the theme. 12.40am Urban Legends 1.10 SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.55 Rough Guide To Beaches 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away
6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Series putting science to the test. Coo. 8.00 EastEnders Roxy plans to add to her business empire – but has she competition from an unexpected source? Denise hatches a plan that is Lucas’ worst fear and Shirley throws in the towel. It’s wash day. 8.30 Panorama See highlights. 9.00 New Tricks Crime drama series. When clips of actress Eva Roderick being assaulted in the 1990 film noir Shadow Show are mysteriously posted on the internet, UCOS are forced to re-open the investigation into producer Max Stone’s death and Eva’s subsequent disappearance. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Diet Or My Husband Dies Some very strange hold-up or an excentric documentary. You decide. 11.25 Late Kick Off Follow the fortunes of the 12 Football League clubs in London and the South East. 11.55 FILM: Joe Somebody (2001) Starring Tim Allen, Julie Bowen, Kelly Lynch. Comedy drama. 1.30am Weatherview1.35 Sign Zone: The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 2.35 Future Of Food 3.35 The British Family: Our History 4.35 News
6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley and Laurel are blissfully unaware that Sally has returned. La la la la – eek! 7.30 Coronation Street Will Tina hold it together for Joe’s funeral? Molly has some important news for Kevin – but he may not be in a listening mood. 8.00 The Lakes Observational documentary based in the Lake District presented by Rory McGrath. An American couple arrive to spend the night in Muncaster Castle’s most haunted room. 8.30 Coronation Street Will Gail confess everything to the police? Kevin cracks after Molly’s bombshell. 9.00 Married Single Other Romantic comedy drama series. Harry is delighted when Gina invites him out dancing, but are her motives the same as his? Dickie tries to be alone and lonely in his trailer but then ventures out and meets a girl while shopping. Remembering the good times, Babs goes to see Dickie, only to be confronted by something she would rather not have seen. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Bird On A Wire (1990) Starring Mel Gibson, Goldie Hawn. Fast-paced thriller. 12.40am In Plain Sight 1.30 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 LIVE World Golf Championship 2.30pm Super League 4.00 Masters Tennis 6.00 LIVE Indian Wells Masters Tennis 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 1.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 2.30 World Golf Championship 3.30 PGA Tour Golf 4.30 PGA Tour Classic 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial
Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Super League 9.30 Big Fight Special 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Friday Fight Night 2.00 Big Fight Special 3.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.00 Snow Ride 4.30 This Week In WWE 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Snow Ride 7.30 Wild Spirits 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Poker 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 3.15 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 4.15 Close
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1.00pm Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 How To Get What You Want 9.00 House 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 UK Border Force 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks (x2) 1.00 24
7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The Real Hustle Undercover 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Undercover Princesses 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Scallywagga 12.45 The Gemma Factor 1.15 Gavin And Stacey (x2)
7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Syrian School 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Women 10.00 The Secret Life Of Mrs Beeton 11.25 Mark Lawson Talks To Marguerite Patten 12.25am 100 Years Of Girl Guides 1.25 My New Best Friend 2.25 Women 3.25 BBC Four Sessions 4.25 Mark Lawson Talks To Marguerite Patten
3.40pm Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy (x3) 6.00 American Idol: 8 Girls 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.30 New You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl 10.30 FILM: Red Dragon (2002) 1.00am Coronation Street (x2) 2.00 Emmerdale
2.05pm Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 The Secret Caribbean With Trevor McDonald 10.00 Murder In Suburbia 11.00 The Bill: Ricochet 12.05am Wycliffe
1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 Glee. See highlights. 10.00 The Cleveland Show 10.30 King Of The Hill 11.00 Skins 12.05am FILM: Assault On Precinct 13 (2005)
2.25pm Come Dine With Me 3.00 The Coach Trip 3.30 Dfs Crufts 2010 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 Without A Trace 12.05am Brothers And Sisters
2.30pm Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Britain’s Worst Mother-inLaw 9.00 New America’s Next Top Model 10.00 Changing Faces: Sharon Osbourne 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
G.O.L.D.
Comedy Central
Discovery
Sci Fi
Sky Movies
Sky Movies
Film4
TCM
2.00pm Top Tens 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Engines 5.30 Massive Engines 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 MythBusters 10.00 American Chopper 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)
7.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer 8.00 Teleshopping 11.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00 Impact (x2) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 A Town Called Eureka 10.00 Medium (x3) 1.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Sea Of Souls 4.00 Impact
Classics
Indie
11.20am Marty (1955) 12.50pm East Of Eden (1955) 2.50 The Movie Geek 3.20 The Diary Of Anne Frank (1959) 6.20 How The West Was Won (1962) 9.00 Bob And Carol And Ted And Alice (1969) 10.50 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 1.50am Splendor In The Grass (1961)
9.00am All The Real Girls (2002) 11.00 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould 12.40pm The Escapist (2001) 2.20 Control (2007) 4.30 Psycho (1998) 6.20 All The Real Girls (2002) 8.20 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould 10.00 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 12.00am Control (2007)
11.00am Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 1.20pm The Thief (1952) 3.05 The Mudlark (1950) 5.00 The Ghost And Mrs Muir (1947) 7.15 Knights Of The South Bronx (2005) 8.50 Green Zone Special 9.00 The Simpsons Movie (2007) 10.50 The Libertine (2004) 12.55am Love And Basketball (2000)
11.10am Vera Cruz (1954) 1.00pm Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955) 3.00 The Manchurian Candidate (1962) 5.50 When Time Ran Out (1980) 8.10 The Screening Room 9.00 The Falcon And The Snowman (1985) 12.00am See You In The Morning (1989) 2.15 Offset: Jamie Cullum 3.00 Teleshopping
2.00pm The Brittas Empire (x2) 3.20 As Time Goes By (x2) 4.40 The Good Life (x2) 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Only Fools And Horses 8.00 The Green Green Grass 8.40 Only Fools And Horses 10.00 Fawlty Towers 10.40 Gimme Gimme Gimme 11.20 The Omid Djalili Show 12.00am The Thin Blue Line
4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40 Scrubs 1.10 South Park