Latest Seven 469: 6-12 Apr

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

DIVERSITY “We taught Susan Boyle to body pop!” p11

6 – 12 April 2010

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DREAMTHINKSPEAK The masters of sitespecific theatre return LET’S TALK SHOP Brighton’s best conference venues ANDREA FOX Our new columnist goes American Rumble Wrestling

Naturegirl Have you seen our top ten homes for TOP sale and for rent?

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Natural products and relaxing treatments at Shine Hair And Beauty page 13

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welcome

L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 Social Diary Strictly Snowball at the Hilton and Designers Choice 5 City Speak Will is on the R-Patz red carpet, Tash survives her first driving lesson and Ruby refuses to throw anything away 6 News Have Uni of Brighton found new weapon against MRSA? Plus mephedrone ban and city sheep make small screen 6 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters, emails and web comments 7 Bookings Marc Almond, Rhod Gilbert, Kyle Eastwood, Treason Show 7 Competitions Win a meet and greet with Boyz II Men and the Lord Of The Rings trilogy on Blu-ray 7 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week?

8 Snap Shots Meet Haiti fundraiser organiser Sofie Cadwallader 9 Celebcity Jude and Sienna, Holly Willoughby, Chortle Awards 10 Bare Cheek & Astral Angi The location of Hove’s Death Row and other made up facts; plus stars for the little ‘uns

11 L7 INTERVIEW

07

L7 Don’t miss...

Ashley Banjo of back-flipping, body popping Britain’s Got Talent winners Diversity on Susan Boyle, the genius of little Perri, and their toy-themed touring show

13 LIFESTYLE 13 Cover feature From cuts to facials, natural products will bring out your best at Shine Hair And Beauty on Gloucester Road 15 dreamthinkspeak Tristan Sharps takes us behind the scenes of his company’s hotly anticipated new Brighton Festival show 16 Health & Beauty Worried massage might not be for you? Read on...

17 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Table’s new music and dining event, Pure Velvet 19 Conference venues Your guide to the best conference venues in Brighton 22 Writing workshops Unleash your inner author with The Sussex House Party with Nia in our monthly guide to wellbeing

23 WHAT’S ON 23 Stage Three classic operas (at affordable prices) at The Hawth 24 Music & Clubs Joan Armatrading interview 26 Events & Art Your own private reader with Bedroom Bond; Wild Planet 27 Film What’s showing at your local cinema 28 Comedy & Gay TV’s Katy Brand on her new live show 29 Reviews The History Boys, Lee Mack, Tunng, Marlena Shaw 30 Sport Adventurous new sports columnist Andrea Fox tries American Rumble Wrestling on for size 30 TV Your seven-day guide to what’s on the box

A month before the start of the Brighton Festival, the buzz always starts to coagulate around particular events. And among festival afficionados no show is generating more excitement this year than Before I Sleep, the latest commission from masters of site-specific theatre, dreamthinkspeak. These are the guys who turned Stanmer House into Orpheus’ underworld and Theatre Royal Brighton into the underbelly of Dostoevsky’s Russia, replete with a secret vodka bar in the orchestra pit. This time they’re using the old co-op building on London Road as one big metaphor for the vanishing idyll of Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard. Artistic director Tristan Sharps takes you behind the scenes on p 15.

If only more hairdressers were as straighttalking as Jonathan Harris of this week’s cover stars, Shine Hair And Beauty. The salon director, who starts a monthly advice column for us in May, says the crucial question any stylist should ask isn’t ‘So what can we do for you today?’ so much as ‘What haircut would make you cry?’ To which we would have saved ourselves months of grief over the years by variously replying: bowl; funky bob; Rachel from Friends; Cagney & Lacey.

We’re also introducing our new sports columnist, Juice’s Andrea Fox, who will be testing out a whole range of sports on offer in the city in search of the perfect fit. To ease her in gently we sent her to watch the American Rumble Wrestling at the Brighton Centre. Don’t think she’ll be stripping down to her quadriceps and renaming herself Andrea The Avenger just yet.

Elsewhere this issue, we chat to Ashley Banjo of Britain’s Got Talent winners Diversity in the L7 Interview; TV comic Katy Brand discusses her new show; and there’s a special guide to the city’s best conference venues.

Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor

Joanna Macgregor Sunday 11 April Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome

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Once dubbed the ‘people’s pianist’, Brighton’s own classical star Joanna Macgregor is as colourful as she is classy, her dreadlocks dancing as she flies through wonderfully eclectic programmes from Bach to Gershwin.

Latest on You can now follow Latest 7 and Latest Homes on Twitter.

Sign up to your favourite sections and columnists to keep up to date with local entertainments stories, restaurant openings, health and beauty offers, celebrity gossip, property news and more. www.thelatest.co.uk/7/twitter

Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Sales Director Lynne Edwards Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King

Production Manager Neil Ive Production Editor Victoria Nangle Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Rachel Junior Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

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Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Jaime Pettit (Clubs) Design Kieran Hood Steve Sawyer Andrew Wright Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Administration Claire Peerless Editorial Assistant Gabriele Barysaite

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004_LS469_Social Diary_000_LS466_Social Diary 01/04/2010 10:45 Page 2

04

SOCIAL DIARY

Latest diary Tim Richardson snaps the Hilton’s Strictly Snowball and an in-store at Designers Choice

Cooking up a storm Designers Choice in Hassocks held a popular in-store at the end of last month, in association with kitchen manufacturers Neff.

Guests were able to see an exclusive range of kitchens, see Neff’s kitchen appliances in action, and have a tasting session to get a real idea of the foods that cook well on particular functions.

For more information visit www.designers-choice.co.uk

Claire McCleland, Geoff McCleland, Charlotte Fagan, Tony Avery, Jo De Lo Nougerede(all Designers Choice)

Richard John Hair & Beauty Worthing

Verity Craig (Absolute Brighton), Paul Craig (Absolute Brighton), Terrina Steel Sue Hawkes(Home Economist)

Katya Virshilas, Klaus Konsdal

Julie-Anne Gilburt, Cliff Royle, Stacey Bunn

Strictly come fundraising Glitz and glamour were in abundance at Strictly Snowball, which took place at the Hilton Brighton Metropole on 27 March. The charity event with a twist helped raise £39,000 for the Have A Heart Appeal, supporting Starlight Children’s Foundation and Hilton in the Community Foundation. Strictly Come Dancing’s Katya Virshilas and dance partner Klaus Kongsdal flew in to dance and judge the dancing of Sussex personalities Kirsty Dillon, Max Leviston, Mark Buckle and Robbie Raggio. Robbie and dance partner Carola Degener-Pereira were crowned Strictly Snowball Champions at the end of the night.

Glenn Mishon, Barbara Mishon, Jess Mishon, Adam Virgo

005_LS469_Cityspeak_Editorial 01/04/2010 12:16 Page 1

CITY SPEAK 05

Life begins at 70

Teen Spirit

Ruby Grimshaw reckons she’s past her sell-by date

Tasha Dhanraj has her first driving lesson

E

had my first driving lesson! Bad points: I stalled twice, I screamed quite loudly several times and I forgot which pedal was accelerator and which was break.

Good points: I reached third gear, I turned round lots of corners and I didn’t die!

I’m not really sure if I’m ready for driving. I’m just too self-absorbed.

One of the times I stalled, my instructor asked me if I had panicked because of the man walking his dog who was crossing the road. I replied “What man?”

To be on the roads means I have to be aware that there are other people in the world that I’ve got to try not to run over. It means I have to care enough to work out whether a car is parked or just driving really slowly. It means I have to pay attention to the white lines on the carriageway and realise that they’re not just a ‘suggestion’. I like living in my own world where the biggest consequence of me not paying attention is that I might walk past a really good offer on stationary in WHSmiths.

Not only does driving mean that I have to try not to kill anyone, but it’s also making me think about the environment. As I’ve started driving, I’ve become another statistic for self-righteous greenies to fly around on an organic banner of their own earth-cuddling ethics.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think we have a responsibility to the environment and greenhouse gases are bad etc etc etc. But if I don’t

I remember trotting up the road lder Daughter C will be back with all our potato peelings in an from her travels in India in a All Bran box (some things don’t few weeks and I am getting change) for the lady at the end nervous. One day last Christmas who kept chickens. She then gave she joked to some friends that I us a couple of eggs to supplement never took any notice of sell-by our family quota of four a week. dates and it was amazing that I (Mock tears from C.) had not been ill. “So far!” she added The motto then was ‘make do and with an unattractive snigger. When mend’, while today it seems to be I indignantly denied her accusation ‘buy more and bin.’ Am I the only one she flung open the kitchen left who likes to sit in front of the TV cupboard and took out the first darning holes in socks and gloves? I thing to hand, a tin of mixed beans. even have one of those wooden My heart sank – I had bought mushroom things to push under the them ages ago when I had read an hole. I guess article about that is sad. I vegetarians “Am I the only one could buy needing to eat some lovely pulses and left who likes to sit in new riding flageolets for gloves, but I extra protein. front of the TV enjoy darning, Every time I had darn it. gone to open the darning holes in Anyway, I tin the picture on gloves and socks?” am now the side had not trying to looked that work my way through all my out inviting. “Bingo!” cried C. “Sell-by of date tins and packages. All that date...” she paused triumphantly, is left is a de luxe vegetarian “March 2005!”

Christmas pudding dated January I do admit to finding it difficult 2004, a jar of sweet and sour to throw perfectly good things out, sauce, May 2005, and a tin of and not just food. My excuse is raspberries, October 2006. (And that I was brought up in the post of course the tin of beans which I war years, when there was rescued from the bin.) I’ve found rationing and fridges were only a packet of custard powder just appearing. We put milk in without a date on, but it must be buckets of cold water outside the circa 2003. I only have to buy back door. Any milk that went sour some vegetables and I’ve got a was used for scones. (Here whole meal. Anyone like to come daughter C rolls her eyes to the to dinner chez the Grimshaws ceiling and picks up the wellthis week...? played imaginary violin.)

I

“I like living in my own world where the biggest consequence of me not paying attention is that I might walk past a really good offer on stationary in WHSmiths” learn how to drive then I’ll just carry on taking taxis whenever I’m coming home late at night, which is just as bad.

I currently take taxis so often that in Burgess Hill I just need to get in a taxi and the driver knows where to take me. Public transport links to so many places I need to get to just aren’t good enough – driving would utterly liberate me. However, I don’t want to be responsible for the deaths of lots of little polar bears!

Of course, it’s still early days. For all I know, I may never pass my test. I might not ever be able to get over the turmoil of having to be careful to only drive on one side of the road. Whilst I’ll be most irritated by my inability to drive, I’m sure that several members of Green Peace and countless numbers of innocent dog walkers will be sighing with relief.

What’s the most out-of-date item in your cupboard? Cars: handy things or root of all evil? comment@thelatest.co.uk

William Tells Will Harris braves the Robert Pattinson red carpet

F

rom the press pen at the Robert Pattinson premiere, the view across the red carpet is like staring into the jaws of puberty. These girls are crazy, I think. Paula Abdul comeback tour crazy.

“What?” Hesitantly I drop my hands from my ears, wincing at the high-pitched screams piercing the air of Leicester Square.

“I said, do you think he’s fit?” shouts my friend O (rookie reporter for a digital channel that long ago replaced hard news with primary colours and Vernon Kay).

She nods down the red carpet to where the film world’s newest teen idol is striding about in a smart grey suit.

“Oh please!” I scoff. “If I wanted a boyfriend with statement eyebrows, I’d be dating Bert from Sesame Street. Jog on, R-Patz!” I am shushed by a girl from The Daily Telegraph. Knowing them, it’s probably for abbreviation.

“Anyway,” I drop my voice, “it just so happens I’m already dating someone.”

“Who?” O’s eyes are locked on Pattinson like a tiger on its prey. “Rebound Guy? I thought you said he was odd.”

“Yes, I did, but that was when I thought it was just going to be a rebound thing.

Now that I think it might be going somewhere, I plan on deluding myself that he is charming and quirky. Look! He bought me a key-ring.”

Previously, I’d had my reservations about Rebound Guy, a hard-drinking Australian I’d been dating for the past two weeks. He was confused about his sexuality, emotionally detached, and potentially a functioning alcoholic; in short, all the things a good rebound should be. The perfect first toe in the shallow end of the dating pool, with no need to worry about getting in over my head.

“If I wanted a boyfriend with statement eyebrows, I’d be dating Bert from Sesame Street” That was, until I’d made a throwaway comment about Lady Gaga’s ‘Pussy Wagon’ key-ring, and he’d remembered and bought it online. It was easily the most thoughtful gesture by a date since one left a Mr Frosty on my doorstep in 2004. I’d felt myself melt instantly.

“So my defences are weakening, which scares me. But I can’t keep them up forever, can I?” “Well,” says O, adjusting her ear-piece, “I don’t think you’re the first girl to lose her head over a ring. And I don’t think you’ll be the last, if that wall of hormones over there is... Pattinson! Go!” Without warning, the reporters around me surge forward like a dictaphone-wielding tsunami, each of them screaming to bring home the scoop. Ducking to avoid O’s camera, I am stampeded by a trio of diarists and find myself clinging to the metal railings just to stay upright. Here we are again, I think with a sigh, as camera cables dance around me; just me, a boatload of crazy, and a barrier. I don’t stand a chance. follow me on twitter

latestwill

006_LS469_newsphil-Council_editorial 01/04/2010 10:36 Page 2

06 LATEST NEWS

L7 News

7

days of headlines with Phil Mills

Uni finds new weapon against MRSA, mephedrone banned, city sheep make Countryfile and toys’ stories set to continue

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ood news came this week from what some may consider an unlikely Maggie Tisserand source. It seems that essential oils could kill the deadly MRSA hospital superbug, according to scientists at the University of Brighton.

Researchers tested oils Therapeutics and was derived from thyme plants carried out by a team of normally used in microbiologists led by aromatherapy and found it Professor Geoff Hanlon. destroyed MRSA within two hours.

Benchmark Oils is now looking for The Brighton study was triggered partners in order to take the when Maggie Tisserand, director of research further.

Sussex-based company, Benchmark Dr Jonathan Caplin, who conducted oils Ltd, asked university researchers much of the research, said: “These to conduct laboratory research with a are very promising results. We have small selection of oils. She was shown at least in the laboratory that convinced that a specific blend of this blend of thyme has a very strong essential oils could be the answer to killing effect on MRSA. Now further the growing MRSA problem, which not work needs to be carried out to only affects people in hospital, but is ascertain its effect in real cases.” also in the wider community.

Meanwhile, the dance drug The Brighton study concluded that mephedrone, which led to the death Benchmark Thyme rapidly killed of a Hove man and has been common MRSA. Maggie said: “What is on the city’s dance scene for months, interesting is that the thyme oil we has now been banned by Home use is food grade, and in preliminary Secretary Alan Johnson. company trials shows no adverse Critics say this is just a preeffects on intact skin.” election gimmick that will merely The MRSA bacteria is often carried push up the price and criminalise on the skin or in the nostrils of more youngsters. healthy people but when a carrier It’s time we had a serious national enters hospital for an operation or debate on drugs. Crackdowns after any procedure that punctures the crackdowns have failed to stop skin, bacteria can enter the body innocent young people dying. causing serious medical problems, Meanwhile unscrupulous pushers are and each year up to 5,000 people die getting rich and billions of pounds are as a result. still being spent on drug-related law The research was published in the enforcement and the judiciary.

International Journal of Essential Oil If Johnson is serious then get all

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on the Pavilion’s war history

I

f, like me, you are interested in the rich and varied history of Brighton and Hove, then I would thoroughly recommend a visit to a new permanent exhibition at the Royal Pavilion, which documents the little known history of the building as a World War I military hospital for wounded Indian soldiers.

Between 1914 and 1916 more than 4,000 Indians, who were fighting under British command on the Western Front in France and Flanders were treated at the Royal Pavilion.

Apparently, the troops were brought to Brighton

the best brains in the country together to talk new ideas and real solutions.

‘Help us catch this sex pest’ was the call from Brighton police after reports that a peeping tom has spent hours peering through windows of a woman’s flat in Ditchling Road. He bangs on the woman’s door, shouts sexual obscenities and steals clothes. 0845 6070999 is the police number to call.

In Horsham, a 22-year-old man has been banned from every single pub in the town after a violent assault.

Shane Weston was also jailed for six months (suspended) and ordered to do 250 hours of unpaid work and ordered to pay his victim £500.

On a more cheerful note, TV presenter Matt Baker was spotted in Brighton filming in Whitehawk regarding the introduction of sheep onto city downland for BBC’s Countryfile.

And a final word on recycling – how many of us parents have seen perfectly good toys no longer wanted go to waste? Well now they needn’t – new toy collection banks are appearing round the city and families are being asked to drop off unwanted toys to provide playthings for the less fortunate. And any money raised goes to the Rockinghorse appeal.

Everyone’s a winner.

latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk [Re Mark Ede’s review of Unsigned Band Review, including The Laylanas, L7 467] I don’t agree with Mark at all and there’s a long history of family bands especially in country music. The Carter Family for starters are the most famous name in country music to country musos... more recently, who thought it was weird seeing Johnny Cash on stage with his daughter’s band as he was on countless occasions? Could it be that it’s the gender causing the problem??? In folk Clannad.... in soul, Mark, you must love The Womacks and mum and dad and grandma and grandad are pretty good!!!! I could go on but it’s boring.

Image is important but sometimes the critics are just plain wrong.

Bill Smith [re Andrew Kay’s review of Chambers Bistro, L7 467] I’m sure Chambers is good but why oh why are all of the food reviews in Latest 7 so favourable? Terribly good luck?

Or just restaurant advertisements masqueraded as reviews?

Jenny B, via www.thelatest.co.uk Andrew Kay responds: Dear Jenny, you’re so right, I do have terribly good luck. Lucky to have a job writing about food. And yes, many of my reviews are favourable – but not all. I’m first to point out a failing when I find one, recently some poor pastry spoiling an otherwise impeccable meal. As for advertisements masquerading as reviews – no. I am on occasion an invited guest but we never ever take payment for a review. We do however favour publishing reviews of places I recommend rather than damning critiques of places I would not. It’s as easy as that.

Should mephedrone have been made illegal?

comment@thelatest.co.uk follow me on twitter

by ambulance trains and local people turned out to cheer their arrival. The Banqueting and Music Rooms at the Pavilion were transformed into hospital wards and the Great Kitchen was even used as an operating theatre.

Most of the 4,000 or so patients treated at the Royal Pavilion during this time survived, but the small number of Hindus and Sikhs who sadly died were cremated on the Downs near Patcham, on a specially built burning ghat where the Chattri memorial was later built.

Muslim soldiers were taken to a specially established Muslim Military Burial ground at the Shah Jehan mosque in Woking.

This is a truly fascinating story and you can get more information about opening times etc at www.brighton-hove.gov.uk/royalpavilion.

latest7news

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

Kevin Bacon, curator of photographs.

Remember that all Brighton and Hove residents can get half-price admission to the Royal Pavilion with up to four accompanying children free (you do need to bring proof of residency though).

On the subject of the military, we are planning some really exciting events in the city for this year’s Armed Forces Day in June. I will write about these in more detail nearer the time. Meanwhile, we are excited to be supporting the national Heroes Welcome campaign to show our support for the British armed forces involved in conflicts around the world. We will have our own local website up and running shortly and are currently talking to local businesses about getting involved. Watch this space!

Pic: Jim Holden

007_LS469_Bookings-Comps-chart_007_LS466_Bookings/Comps/chart 01/04/2010 12:30 Page 1

BOOKINGS | COMPETITIONS | CHART 07 RHOD GILBERT

L7 Bookings On sale this week…

White Rock Theatre, Hastings, 17 September, £20/19, 01424 462288, www.whiterocktheatre.org.uk The Welsh comedian has just announced a further Hastings date for his brilliantly surreal and likeably mean-spirited show Rhod Gilbert And The Cat That Looked Like Nicholas Lyndhurst, following the sold out date on 22 April.

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

Brighton Download Chart TOP 10 8 Latest 1 Vortex Generator – Regenerate 2 Tenek – Submission 3 N-D-E – Bad Habit 4 Jaybee – The Wild Wild East 5 The Last Cry – Rebekka 6 Panos Christofi – Only The Night 7 Three Brians – We are Eng–er–land!

MARC ALMOND De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill, 13 November, £22.50, 01424 229111, www.dlwp.com Eighties comebacks may be two a penny these days, but few are so dramatic as Soft Cell legend Marc Almond’s return to touring following the near-fatal motorbike crash that put him in a coma for a fortnight in 2004. He returns to the Pavilion following 2009’s Orpheus In Exile, a tribute to Soviet writer Vadim Kozin.

EDUARDO NIEBLA Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 17 July, £12.50/£10, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Virtuoso Spanish guitarist whose 23rd album, due later this year, is partly inspired by his adopted Yorkshire homeland and the loss of his mother.

8 Panos Christofi – If You Do What You Always Do...

9 Jaybee – Turn Me On 10 NDE – I Got A Feeling (B.E.P) NDE remix

THE BUG AND THE BUTTERFLY Pavilion Theatre, Brigton Dome, 6 June, £7–£22 (family ticket), 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Kids theatre for ages four and over from Peut-etre Theatre Company. In a world where a dew drop is the size of a swimming pool, an insect falls in love with a beautiful butterfly.

THE TREASON SHOW Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 9–10 July, 17–18 September and 3–4 December, £12.50/10, 01273 709 709, www.brightondome.org Brighton’s own up-to-the-minute satirical sketch show continues in its new home.

KYLE EASTWOOD BAND Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 3 June, £17.50/15, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Clint Eastwood’s eldest son is on double bass duty in this easy-on-the-ear modal jazz act.

COMPETITIONS three multi-award winning films plus seven hours of special features. Muchos precious.

Q Who wrote the original Lord Of The Rings novels?

WIN! A MEET AND GREET WITH BOYZ II MEN The most successful male R&B group of all time play the Brighton Centre on 13 May. We have two pairs of tickets to the gig, the first prize including a meet and greet with the award-winning band. Very glam indeed – don’t forget your autograph book, or your sunnies.

30 ROCK SERIES 3 ON DVD

Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey head the cast of the American TV comedy, which includes a bevy of celeb cameos.

Critically acclaimed, award-winning stuff.

Q Which two actors head the cast?

Q Boyz II Men sang about the ‘End Of The ....?’

LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY ON BLU-RAY Peter Jackson’s original motion pictures are out now in a special Blu-ray box set (Entertainment in Video). The nine-disc set includes the

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN,

It’s the first number one for this week’s charttopper, Vortex Generator, with ‘Regenerate’. A professional-sounding instrumental electro-trawl akin to the likes of Gary Numan, ‘Regenerate’ is one of the chart’s first high-scoring instrumental tracks. Meanwhile, the usual suspects make up the remainder of the top five: the dark cyber-pop of Tenek takes number two, addictive D’n’B duo N-D-E take three and popster Jaybee takes four.

The quality jingle-jangle shoegaze of The Last Cry’s ‘Rebekka’ adds a touch of class at five.

11 Chaos Borne The Moment

22 The Mojo Fins Meet Me At The Pictures

12 Rory Mulligan And The Imaginary Band 23 Chaos Borne I Will Paint Your Pictures 13 tenek State Of Mind

24 Breakinbear Breeze

14 Panos Christofi I'll Never Know

25 BreakinBear Rebel In Chief

15 Chaos Borne Watching

26 Satta Untitled

16 No Sharp Objects The Wrong Kind Of Love 17 Tenek If I Should Fall 18 Digitalis No Control 19 No Sharp Objects Home 20 Clockworks Fairytales

27 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right 28 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 29 Jaybee Cowboys Blues 30 Rayguns Look Real Enough Betty’s Box

21 Panos Christofi In My Mind SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 19 April.

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

008_LS469_Snap Shots_000_LS466_Snap Shots 31/03/2010 10:11 Page 2

08 SNAP SHOTS

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Haiti fundraiser organiser Sofie Cadwallader

“

It was while watching some videos of the mothers, babies and children after the earthquake in Haiti that I became aware of what is happening out there. The fact I managed to put this event together so quickly was all thanks to the community of artists and musicians in Brighton. 100 per cent of every donation we receive goes directly to Action Against Hunger. I love this charity, they focus on clean water and sanitation and every year they help over four million people worldwide

”

Sofie Cadwallader, personal development trainer and community worker, in the middle of organising Hope For Haiti, a charity fundraiser at The Old Market on Saturday 10 April. Acts will include Strange Animals, Trudi Styles, The Laylanas and The Perils, plus a special guest appearance by local guitar hero and blues legend Gary Moore, and there’ll be great prizes too. Call 01273 736222 to book tickets. Donations can be made at www.justgiving.com/ hopeforhaitiparty

the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all birthdays, weddings, civil partnerships, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights

call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk manchester street, brighton

tel. 01273 687171

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

009_LS469_celebcity_000_LS466_celebcity 01/04/2010 10:14 Page 1

CELEBCITY 09

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

HOLLY’S GOT HER HANDS FULL

You would think that now Dancing On Ice is over, Sussex-based Holly Willoughby can kick back and relax fully into her role at This Morning. But Holly’s schedule is as hectic as ever! As one of Sienna and Jude spotting in the Big Apple with the most high profile female presenters on our TV Brighton snapper, and city shines at Chortle Awards screens at the moment, Holly is in constant demand and was until recently juggling three ITV1 shows.

Reports have said that Holly is torn between her career SPOTTED! and having a second child. Baby Harry was Actor and comedian Matt born last year and Holly King (aka Peep Show’s Sup er was said to be keen to Hans) enjoying a beer and a become pregnant again chat in the Basket Makers on before Harry turned one, a soggy Sunday night. but this is proving difficult in light of her work commitments. A source denies this is the case and says that “Holly is doing an incredible job of balancing work and being a great mum. She’s looking fantastic and happy”.

BRIGHTON VENUE SCOOPS CHORTLE AWARD!

Celebcity goes stateside

I

braved the BA strikes last week and flew to New York for a meeting – it was probably the quickest trip to the Big Apple ever, just 29 hours in the city, but my colleague Jackie and I packed in quite a lot! On arrival we headed straight to the offices of Time Out New York and visited the editor, the delightful Michael Friedman.

We asked for a cup of tea, which seemed to horrify the New Yorkers, but they just about managed to pull off serving us a couple of mugs of Earl Grey.

Then we hotfooted to our hotel, the very swanky Thomson LES (where Madonna sips on a carrot juice in the bar when she is town!) We dumped our bags, slapped on some make-up and then headed out for dinner with top New York PR Donna Daniels and her assistant Lisa. We ate at Tabla, New York's hottest Indian eatery on Madison Avenue – I love a curry!

The next day we met up with old pal and ex-Brightonian photographer Aaron St Clair. Aaron is one of world's best paparazzi and has lived and worked in New York for over four years now – there is no-one he does not know! He took us for breakfast at the rooftop restaurant at the Grandmercy Hotel (see pic).

Whenever I meet Aaron the venue always changes several times – and believe me it had changed quite a few times before we actually started eating our eggs Benedict. The reason for this? Yes you have probably guessed it – we go where the celebs are! Jude Law and Sienna Miller were holed up in the hotel and as we chatted Aaron had his eye firmly fixed on the entrance to see if the loved up couple came in. Aaron kept us entertained with his celeb spotting stories and let us know that we would probably bump into Naomi Campbell at JKF on our way out!

Next we zoomed on to our meeting in Chelsea and then had lunch in Soho House with another contact – this venue did not disappoint as actress Heather Graham flounced in with a rather dishy young man. After a quick visit to the Marc Jacobs constant sale shop in Greenwich Village we headed off for the airport!

Congratulations to Brighton fringe venue Upstairs At The Three And Ten who scooped the Best Venue In The South award at comedy’s biggest celebration of talent, the Chortle Awards. Latest 7’s Victoria Nangle was at the bash in Holborn on 22 March, and says manager Nicola Haydn’s chin hit the floor when she heard the news. Top comedians our gals schmoozed with on the night included Eddie Izzard, Michael McIntyre, Mark Watson, Armando Iannucci and Chris Addison.

HEATHER’S NANNY TROUBLE If you haven’t seen it yet, the new Nanny McPhee movie is a must see, with Emma Thompson back on board as the magical nanny. Wouldn’t it be lovely if all nannies were like Nanny Mc Phee, I am sure my fellow Latest 7 columnist Heather Mills would agree? Her former nanny is currently claiming undisclosed damages against her in an employment tribunal. At the time of writing Heather was due to give evidence.

Who’s your top celebrity tweeter? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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10

ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Four twenty-something blokes do lacklustre Big Train knock-offs and pretend to corpse so as to create an air of unpredictable fun.

Upstairs At The Three And Eleven, 9 May, 7.30pm, £8/£5

Four women. One hour. Twenty-five sketches. No point. Yes, the feisty female foursome with their own show on Radio 4 are back to appall any right-thinking human being.

Dell'arte Theatre, 13 May, 8pm, £12/10

1

The famous Hove Hurricane devastated the town in 1909.

No one was killed, but everyone in George Street had their trousers blown into the sea, and the flowers of the floral clock were rearranged to spell an obscene ten letter word.

3

ROB THOMAS: HOW IT SHOULD BE

The socialist comedian (who lives in a big house in North London) on what's wrong with the world.

Thomas astonishes the crowd with his controversial opinion that spending money on weapons when there are children starving is a bit immoral.

Dell'arte Theatre, 14 May, 8pm, £12/10

What we used to say

JEFF AMERICAN IN “IT’S CRAZY OVER HERE”

Since 1976 Hove has produced its own wine, ‘Aldrington Blanche’, which was described by wine critic Oz Clarke as “surprisingly undrinkable”.

4

The King Alfred Centre is one of only three earthly structures visible from Jupiter.

5

An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of ghastly, overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms.

WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Meet with” Now ubiquitous, this 50 per cent redundant phrase has vanquished all opposition.

The self-confessed “Jewish guy from the Bronx” returns with another show about how amazed he is that we have a royal family, call courgettes the wrong thing, don’t eat enough bagels, etc etc.

Pavilion Theatre 13 May, 8.30pm, £18/15

WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “Meet”

In & Out SPECIAL SLIGHTLY WORTHY BOOKS YOU WERE FORCED TO READ AT SCHOOL EDITION

In • I Am David • The Endless Steppe • I Am The Cheese • When Hitler Stole

Pink Rabbit • Hello God,

It’s Me Margaret

Out • My Mate Shofiq • A Pair Of Jesus Boots • Grandad With Snails • The Trouble With

Donovan Croft • The Pigman

8

BAD HAIR DAY

Hove has its own periodic table, which only contains elements referred to in the title sequence of cult '80s TV show Sapphire & Steel.

2

IMBECILES

The bearded troubadour sings some not very impressive comic songs and gets applauded wildly for having bothered to set some words to music.

Warning: contains a parody of Amy Winehouse that some may find out of date.

Pavilion Theatre, 11 May, 8.30pm, £18/15

5

facts you never knew about fantabulous Hove

Hove had the death penalty until 1998. Its “death row” (located on Blatchington Road) has, over the years, housed such infamous criminals as Thomas Neill Cream (the Lambeth poisoner), James Hanratty (the A6 Killer), and Jimmy Jewell (Nearest And Dearest).

WHAT’S NOT ON: FRINGE COMEDY

MITCH BAILEY: GUITAR ZERO

Hove Factually

8

010_LS469_cheeky-stars_000_LS467_cheeky/stars 01/04/2010 09:55 Page 2

The Bare Cheek nude celebrity challenge Can you guess which celebrity Joseph Nixon is imagining with no clothes on in this photo?

A) Chris Ellison?

B) Mark Brailsford?

C) Eliza Skelton?

D) “Atters” Attree?

Write your guess on a postcard and send to Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH.

BARDSLEY’S

Astral Angi

Astral addresses the bundles of joy

HARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

HCANCER {June 22–July 22}

HLIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

HCAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Aries babies should stick close to mum, especially if she has a penchant for gathering with other mums. Nine months off the booze and a glass of chardonnay can lead to mishaps.

Cancer babies know exactly what they want from day one. I was at the birth of a Cancer baby – as soon as he popped out he was ordering a G&T and quoting Oscar Wilde. Is that nature or nurture?

Libran babies are argumentative little sods. No sooner are they weaned than they will be demanding choices at breakfast, lunch and dinner. Do not give in to a Libran baby.

Capricorn babies must be kept under control. Pens should be maximum security, harnesses designed on the lines of Hannibal Lecter’s and buggies reinforced with baby proof glass.

HTAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

HLEO {July 23–Aug 22}

HSCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

HAQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Taurean’s babies can be fiercely independent. Do not be surprised to find little baby bully trying to change its own nappy or demanding breast milk from total strangers.

Leo babies are the cuddliest babies of all, soft, sweet, purring little things.

But make the most of it because they grow up to be ferocious little terrors with sharp teeth and wits to match.

Scorpio babies are self contained. This is a very good thing. A Scorpio baby will be as amused with a paper bag as a PlayStation – so just give them a paper bag and save the cash.

Aquarian babies are hard to clothe. By that I mean it’s hard to keep them clothed. The urge to get naked starts young. Try to keep them in all-in-one outfits with difficult fastenings – please.

HGEMINI {May 22–June 21}

HVIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

HSAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

HPISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Gemini babies will cry, and cry and cry.

If you ask me this is because all Gemini babies are seeking their spiritual twin. Gemini twins will never cry, I promise, no really.

Virgo babies are serene. Girls grow up to be gentle and feminine, boys grow up to be gentle and feminine too. It’s true, I see it written in the stars. Avoid to much pink.

Sagi babies will always be born pink, wrinkly and bald as a coot. Take a look at a Sagi baby and see the old Sagi man/woman. Stick to soft, easy to chew foods, purees and soups.

Pisces babies are sweet. But before long they will be standing at your side at Bardsley’s counter demanding a free chip. And they will get one. Awww how lovely is that. Goo goo goo...

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

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011_LS469_interview_011_LS466_interview 01/04/2010 16:10 Page 1

L7 INTERVIEW 11 who passed away. We entered a competition afterwards and I didn’t want to compete on a level playing field. We wanted to be different. The first dance, which we did at the audition, was all based around the Martin Luther King ‘I have a dream’ speech and Chariots Of Fire.

and cleared the whole lot of us with a front somersault.

When did you discover how bouncy Perri was?

It’s a funny story actually, I’ve never said this to anyone before, but when Perri first rehearsed with

“In the semi final I grabbed Perri’s ankles, Terry grabbed his wrists, and we threw him 15 foot across the stage” What’s the craziest choreography you’ve created?

People always remember when we recreated the Britain’s Got Talent buzzers. When I said about doing that for the final everyone around me was like, ‘Really?! Come on!’ but I was like, trust me, it’ll be good! How do you split 11 people into that structure? We had three guys with red hats on as the buzzers, you use the arms as the judges’ desks, and we make one moving human transformer out of all 11 of us. One moving machine. People remember the surf boards too, when we make the waves and roll underneath. I know what I want to create, and then I just have to find a way of doing it.

Ashley Banjo of Britain’s Got Talent winners Diversity chats to Bella Todd about his creative choreography, teaching Susan Boyle to body pop, and the unusual talents of little Perri Tell us about your show, Bringing A Toy Story To Life We’re trying to strike a happy medium between a tour and a show.

We don’t just want to go round and do our known dances one after the other. Number one, we’d be physically dying, and number two it’d be a bit boring. So we’ve got a theme: a night in the life of Diversitoys. We are Diversi-toys, we are our own characters in this toy shop. And we come to life, and the show is our journey through this shop between midnight and sunrise. Almost like we

are our merchandise – there you go, that’s the way to put it!

What moving parts would a merchandise Diversi-toy need to have, should they ever get made?

A working brain!

Your Britain’s Got Talent performances included lots of clever cultural homages. Have those always been part of your schtick?

From the beginning. The first thing we did was put a show together as a tribute for someone close to us

You’ve invited fellow Britain’s Got Talent contender, 11-year-old Aidan Davis, to guest in the show...

All our guests are going to be properly integrated. Aidan plays a toy, almost like the bionic robot boy. His style of dancing is very wavey, so it works.

Might Susan Boyle be a surprise guest?

Mmm, perhaps she could be a teddy! And Cheryl Cole could be a Barbie! We played football with Susan Boyle. She came running in, booted the ball, and her shoe went flying up in the air! She’s cool Susan.

We taught her a bit of body popping.

I hope she don’t do it on her tour!

Your youngest member, 13-yearold Perri, always seems to get tossed into the air at some point in your routines. Is he basically made of rubber?

That kid is talented, that’s the only way to put it. In the semi final I grabbed his ankles, Terry grabbed his wrists, and we threw him 15 foot across the stage. He did a lift using Terry’s back as a platform,

us as a group, we’d never heard him talk. He’s a really quiet kid. He came up to the studio, big afro, glasses. I was like, ‘Hello mate, what’s your name?’ He said he hadn’t really danced before, so I said, just get comfortable, we’ll do a bit of freestyle. Up he gets, does a round-off and two back flips. And we all go, ‘oh my God, where did you learn that? And he goes, ‘on my settee’! Whenever we introduce Perri on stage it’s like, decibels.

One of the things that distinguishes Diversity is your age range. It’s so rare for older kids to hang out with younger kids – but important.

The name Diversity was never just supposed to be about the race thing. It’s about the age, the experience, the background, anything you could imagine. Even the heights and the hairstyles are completely different. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves we’re different ages. We’re a group, talking and laughing, we don’t think, oh, this kid’s 13, this one’s 16, this one’s 25. In Essex we’re pretty unusual. We’re unmistakeable!

Did you see the Sun headline: ‘Diversity set to fix broken Britain’? No pressure then!

I saw that, it’s a very tall order!

Hardly anyone can fix anything! But I hope people say ‘If Diversity can then so can we’, ’cos that’s a fair statement. We’re just normal people who practised. One of us is a plumber, one of us was a Telecoms engineer, my brother’s training to be an accountant. We’re like The ATeam! I think as well as helping us get through problems, dancing has helped us avoid problems. When our mates were getting in trouble, when the bad thing happened, we were busy dancing.

Talking of keeping busy, aren’t you studying for a Masters in Physics and Biology?

I’ve deferred for a year ’cos it’s impossible. I love it though, extracting DNA from microorganisms, dissecting muscles, sketching all the bits and pieces. Is there a link with my choreography? Definitely: the logic behind the Physics.

Everything happens for a reason and there’s always a formula for it, like our routines.

Diversity are at the Brighton Centre on Thursday 15 April, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk

012_LS469 Specs

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013_LS469_Shine_013_LS466_HealthBeauty Secrets 31/03/2010 13:38 Page 1

COVER FEATURE 13

LET IT SHINE A pioneer in natural products, Shine Hair And Beauty offer relaxing beauty treatments and hairdressing that cuts to the chase, finds Zara Baker

I

t’s situated in the heart of the bustling North Laine, but a calmer world awaits just through the glass doors of Shine Hair And Beauty.

Shine is a hairdressers, but it is also a beauty salon. Forget the image of noisy chatter over hairdryers blasting out hot air. OK, there are hairdryers on the go, and there is chatter among clients and stylists but, perhaps because of the aromas of Aveda products you are enveloped by on arrival, a relaxing atmosphere pervades.

Chatting to Jonathan Harris, Shine Hair And Beauty’s director, his passion for business, the environment, and great hair and beauty products is evident. It’s rare to see these elements combined, but Shine is all about natural beauty and great results.

“I’d been running other Brighton salons, but in November 2007 I started up Shine,” he says.

“I have strong feelings about business and the environment. Everything at Shine is naturally derived, where possible, from the electricity, eco-friendly wallpaper to the Aveda products we use. They are all ethically sourced – we even serve fairtrade tea and coffee.”

So what is it about the American hair and beauty brand, Aveda, that made Jonathan keen to bring them on board in his salon? “There are stacks of natural products out there, but I had to find one that gets results, and you get that with Aveda. If people want to go bleach blonde, but with natural ingredients, then yes, they can do that with Aveda. The colours last and look great, and they do minimal damage to the environment and to your hair.”

Shine not only keep on top of new additions to the Aveda range, they also keep a close eye on mainstream, changing trends.

“We always draw high-street looks from what is happening on the catwalks and celeb land,” says Jonathan. “You see the catwalk styles at London Fashion Week and New York and it can all be a bit crazy and mental. We take from the catwalk looks – in store is very influenced by it, but we know it’s not realistic. We make a style work for the individual.”

That’s not to say the Shine team don’t welcome cut-out images from magazines. Style magazines cover the rustic-wooden table.

The Shine team will go by one image, if that’s what the client is really after, but more often than not a selection of images will be taken into account, from hair colours to styling and shaping.

This means that sometimes it’s easier to work backwards. “What we really want to know is what you don’t want,” Jonathan grins. “What style would offend you or make you cry?”

A 15-minute consultation with each client is part of the process at Shine, and for each client they will set aside an hour – at least. This gives the stylist an insight into a client’s wants and needs, and how realistic it is to achieve a certain look. Copying the season’s hottest trends may work, but all-important factors, including texture of the hair, face shape and daily maintenence routine should all be taken into consideration.

“What we really want to know is what you don’t want.

What style would offend you or make you cry?”

The space at Shine has quadrupled in size, but it’s still a friendly and welcoming environment.

“We re-opened in this new space last October,” says Jonathan. “I wanted to create a space offering people the chance to have a manicure while their hair colour is developing, or enjoy a facial and a cut and blow dry.”

With a team of nine, consisting of both stylists and therapists, the Shine group are ready to expel their knowledge and training in the art of hair care, facials and massage, and, or course, the world of Aveda. Brighton is already home to an Aveda store, but an extensive products range is also available to buy from Shine.

Before a facial at Shine takes place, clients complete a short questionnaire about their skin while enjoying a relaxing foot spa. Choose between a cleansing, relaxing or exfoliating facial, or even a masque, and there’s a range of oils to pick from too.

You may well go in just for a trim, but at Shine you will come away with so much more.

Shine Hair And Beauty, 111 Gloucester Road, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 4AF, 01273 604404, www.shinehairgroup.com Open Tuesday 10am-7pm, Wednesdays and Thursdays 10am-8pm, Friday 10am-6pm, Saturday 9am-6pm. Closed Sundays.

Do you despair over split ends, want glossy healthy hair, or need a more effective skincare regime? Whatever your health/skin-care query, the team at Shine can help. Shine Hair And Beauty will be starting a monthly hair and beauty Q&A right here in Latest 7. Email your question to salon@shinehairgroup.com Please note, Shine cannot enter into individual email correspondence unless your query is chosen for publication.

014_LS469_Ads_Layout 1 01/04/2010 09:01 Page 2

14

015_LS469_Brighton Festival_Editorial 01/04/2010 10:25 Page 1

BRIGHTON FESTIVAL 2010

15

DREAMSCAPE

Tristan Sharps, artistic director of Brighton Festival associate company dreamthinkspeak, talks about their forthcoming production Before I Sleep

B

efore I Sleep is a new work inspired by Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard. It’s a sitespecific promenade performance through the old co-op building. It’s a journey not just through its architectural interior, but also a journey through the world of Chekhov, into the world of now, and into the world of the future.

I’ve always thought that Chekhov is quite similar to the kind of work that we do in that there are a lot of layers under the surface, although we work in a very bold visual style. Chekhov’s work is a little bit like a still lake – when you see a little ripple on the surface you know that something quite profound has happened, and I think that we work a little bit like that.

It’s rooted, initially, in the world of Chekhov and the idea of Firs, who is the elderly man servant locked in the building at the end of the play. We’ve taken the idea that maybe he is still around.

A sense of loss When I began to think more about The Cherry Orchard, I decided I needed to try and find something that would really mirror that world at the end of the play when those beautiful trees are being chopped down in order to be re-developed.

I realised that the department store is a wonderful image of a world in re-development and a world of homogenisation and globalisation reflecting the increasingly urbanised way of living in the 20th century. At the same time it’s a wonderful mirror through which you can actually

see the world being created at the end of The Cherry Orchard.

When the co-op closed there were lots of local people who really felt a sense of loss, myself included because I used to shop there a lot and I live literally just round the corner.

Left & Right: Images from Don’t Look back 2003 (Somerset House production)

Skilled local talent Before I Sleep has been in planning for 18 months, and the main fit-up started five weeks ago. There are so many different layers to it, so many different elements, and it is a very ambitious project reliant on the number of people who are kindly giving their time to the piece, and most of these are tremendously skilled people living locally in Brighton.

Quite a few people who wouldn’t normally be working on an arts project like this have been only too happy to put their skills at the service of an ambitious piece of work. I think they just leapt at the opportunity of working on something that was artistically very impressive and happening on their doorstep.

Bringing things together This project involves working in a lot of different media. We use a whole range of different kinds of installation: there are architectural models, paintings, murals, photography and graphics, the set design, carpentry and lighting are important.

There is a music and sound score that has been created for the piece, the live performance elements, and bringing all of those different strands together is really what my job as artistic director is about.

We’ve also worked with the interior architecture and fashion department at Brighton University, and the film and media department of Sussex University, gaining a tremendous amount of expertise and support from them.

Fear is the most overriding feeling when you’re setting up one of these pieces and I think it’s a wonderful motivating factor! Before I Sleep is a totally new piece, and completely devised, because it’s a piece that is visual, you won’t actually have the first draft until first performance, which makes it both exciting and terrifying at the same time.

“Chekhov’s work is like a still lake – when you see a little ripple on the surface you know that something quite profound has happened” Sat 1–Sun 23 May (No performance on Mondays) The old co-op building, London Road, Brighton, timed entry slots every five minutes between 6.30pm and 9.30pm.

Tickets must be booked in advance, £15, 01273 709709 www.brightonfestival.org

016_ LS469_Massage_000_ LS469_Massage 01/04/2010 11:44 Page 2

16 Health

NLP Coach and Hypnotherapist

Can help with:

Touchy subject Got misgivings about massage? Zara Baker examines the etiquette and choices on offer

T

here are many reasons for never having visited a massage therapist. If you have body issues, the thought of having to bare (nearly) all can be reason enough. Then there’s the fear of the unknown – do you talk, for instance, or will there be an uncomfortable silence? Do you ask for a female therapist rather than a male? And just what if, guys, you enjoy the massage a little too much?

With so many issues involved, you could be forgiven for thinking a massage just isn’t worth the hassle. But don’t under-estimate the power of the healing touch.

A massage can be just the ‘time out’ you need, relaxing tired and aching muscles and reducing tension, which we may not even realise we have. Tired and hunched up shoulders, knots in the back and back pain can all be eased with massage therapy. Inside the body, massage can increase circulation and blood flow and can help those with digestive problems. And as for the soul, it can reduce stress and put you in a better frame of mind. What other reasons do we need?

But first you need to conquer those initial fears. Whatever your shape or size, massage therapists are trained professionals and have really seen it all before.

Most people who go for a massage will opt to keep their underwear on. You will be given time alone to undress and lay on your front, covered with a towel, before the therapist starts the massage. And you can be sure they will knock before entering.

Don’t feel the need to fill the silence with chatter; you are there to relax, so the therapist won’t be annoyed that you’re not making small talk. Of course, if you are recuperating from an injury, the therapist will need to know areas to focus on and if and where you are in pain.

If you would prefer a male or female therapist, ask beforehand when you book the appointment. And if you do happen to fall asleep and drool on the pillow, again it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, as it shows you’ve managed to relax completely!

Speak to therapists beforehand to choose the best form of massage to suit you. Swedish massage therapy is the basic form. If it’s aided relaxation or invigoration you need, then add one or more essential oils and go for an Aromatherapy Massage.

For tight, painful muscles and repetitive strain, a deep tissue massage does exactly what its name suggests, targeting the deeper layer of muscles and connective tissue. This is more vigorous, but the end result is worth it. A sports massage is aimed at those who work out often (not just hardcore athletes and sports personalities) and helps prevent as well as treat injuries.

Taking a more holistic route, opt for shiatsu or reflexology. Shiatsu improves the flow of energy through the body, helping regain balance. The fingers are used to apply pressure in a rhythm, being held and moved along acupuncture meridians.

Relexology is one of the most interesting forms of massage to experience.

Basically a foot massage (or hand massage), reflexology goes deeper by focusing on pressure points in the foot that are connected to organs and glands around the body. So as well as treating tired and aching feet, reflexology can tell us so much about our health and wellbeing as a whole.

Being prone to sore throats is a general weakness, and can be picked up by a reflexologist. It’s by focusing on these organ/gland connections that the internal source of pain or illness can be strengthened and the body gently worked into a balanced state of wellbeing. All this through massaging the foot! It’s impressive, to say the least, what the healing power of a massage can do.

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017_LS469_food_015_LS466_food 01/04/2010 08:49 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 17

Food & Drink Andrew Kay multitasks, in a foodie way, at Table’s Pure Velvet evening

If music be...

I

’m no great fan of jargon. Our world is littered with ridiculous invented language and terminology, much of which has been thought up by people with too much time on their hands. I shake my fist at concepts like ‘blue sky thinking’, and the term ‘Human Resources’ makes me sick to the core.

Whenever did humans become a resource? Oh I know the argument is that it’s a resource for humans but think back and I am sure that most of you will agree that ain’t been so since the dismissal of the word ‘Personnel’.

The one I hate most is ‘Multitasking’, or should I say hated. Last night I found that I too could multitask at quite an extraordinary level. Until now I have dismissed this mad idea that only women can do it. How silly. I do know some women who can multitask, of course, but by that I mean that they can effectively gossip and pretend to work, both at the same time. Sorry girls, I know some of you will object, but I also know that some of you will know exactly what I am talking about.

I, however, am now accomplished in the art of dining and listening to live music simultaneously. Let me go back a bit.

I have, of late, spent rather a lot of time dining at Table. I have already reviewed it here more than favourably, and since then I have been back many times. I like it on many levels: great food, sensible prices and a good atmosphere amongst them.

When Gigi, the most impressive of all maître d's, informed me that he was introducing a monthly live music event called Pure Velvet, I was slightly apprehensive.

spot on, as was the volume. We could hear him well enough, but we could also hear ourselves speak.

By our side was a large party who were having a very good time, but even their merriment did not intrude on us or Mr vanKan. I also noted that the room was filled with rather stylish people who had made an effort and dressed up for the evening. It gave the whole thing an air of being something special.

As for the food, well, it was as good as I have come to expect. I recommended the gnocchi with oxtail to Mr L and we both had it and declared it utterly scrummy. He than had the mutton chop with couscous laced with preserved lemons and a harissa yoghurt dressing. He was more than happy. I told the waiter that I was in love with my lemon sole with mussels and a saffron sauce.

And at that moment I was. It was a fat flatfish with lots of creamy white flesh that gave me the opportunity to show off my filleting skills and thus prove that I could step up to the third level of multitasking without breaking a sweat. Mr L was impressed, too, as I lifted the skeleton from the lower level of culinary delight. “It’s like watching an artist at work,” he declared, and he was right.

I was even ready for pudding for once; not that I was hungry, just that I was having too good a time for it all to end. I chose the River Café chocolate Nemesis. I ate that at the River Café the first time it was on the menu. I was dining with a great American food writer who had invented the dish and they made it in her honour as I had told them I was taking her there. She was not impressed but was very polite. I did not need to be so polite; this was good. Mr L made light of a rhubarb and amaretto trifle that he chose as part of his five a day, the poor deluded creature.

Pure Velvet is a monthly affair and one that I highly recommend.

Table, MyHotel, Jubilee Square, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 1GE, 01273 900383, brighton@companyofcooks.com

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brightonfoodawards.com What’s your dinner soundtrack of choice? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

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“Matthew vanKan is a crooner with a velvet voice and the ability to rip through the Nat King Cole and sundry other songbooks with a great deal of style” I have started to despair when I walk into a bar and find a brace of decks awaiting the arrival of some DJ. That is certainly not for me.

Gigi explained that this would be an entirely different affair, so I agreed that I might pop along. Which I did, with Mr L...

The room certainly looked good when we arrived, although quite quiet, but pink and blue spotlights created a good atmosphere, and pretty soon the place was rammed.

Dinner cost £25 for three courses including the entertainment. On this occasion it was Matthew vanKan. Matthew is a crooner with a velvet voice and the ability to rip through the Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra, Perry Como and sundry other songbooks with a great deal of style. He looked the part too, tall and lean in a very cool suit, shirt and tie. The sound and look was absolutely

latestandrew

018_LS469_Hotlist_014_LS466_Hotlist 01/04/2010 15:04 Page 2

18 HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Eateries and bars catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk Restaurants British & modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256 ls ell

to

The Gallery The Gallery restaurant is an independent British restaurant located in the heart of Brighton’s Lanes. The Gallery prides itself in serving the very best fresh, locally sourced and seasonal menu created by their head chef Mosa Jobi.

Mosa joined the team in 2007 from the Dorchester Mayfair Hotel in London and has taken the restaurant from strength to strength.

The Gallery restaurant offers a warm, personable environment to celebrate any occasion.

The Gallery Restaurant, 28 East Street, Brighton, BN11HL, 01273 773327

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’.

Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French roast.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature.

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk The Chilli Pickle

The Restaurant At Drakes Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Winner of two coveted AA Rosettes, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two-course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people.

The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room.

Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away.

Beautiful cakes made to order.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three , Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.

10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

The same family business has been run on these premises for the last 16 years. With all the elegance and style of a sophisticated restaurant, The Gallery Bistro has a downto-earth approach; informal, friendly, colourful and fun.

The emphasis is on serving delicious homemade English food, freshly cooked on the premises. Locally sourced and prepared with love, passion and considerable talent.

At prices to suit every pocket, The Gallery Bistro is a fine addition to Hove’s culinary scene and a real treasure.

OPEN FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND EVENING MEALS. BOOK NOW FOR FUNCTIONS OR THAT SPECIAL OCCASION! WiFi • DOG FRIENDLY

Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori Established in 1987 and set in a 16th century building, Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori carefully blends Bangladeshi & Indian influences, creating great food and an atmosphere with a difference.

It’s not just a meal, but an experience. Why not come down and see for yourself?

Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori, 130–136 Old London Road, Patcham, Brighton, BN1 8YA, 01273 507075

Thai Sabai Thai Gastrobar Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok.

With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95. Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays.

165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi.Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

115 Church Road, Hove BN3 2AF FREE PARKING after 6pm at Norton Road car park (just round the corner)

01273 777488

info@gallerybistrohove.co.uk www.gallerybistrohove.co.uk

019-021_LS469_Conferences_Editorial 31/03/2010 13:23 Page 1

CONFERENCE VENUES 19

Stanmer House Stanmer House is a Grade I Listed manor house which is unique for its Brighton location. Set in the heart of the Sussex countryside, yet only minutes from the bustling city centre, Stanmer House is the perfect venue for your meeting room and banqueting requirements, with free on-site parking for up to 70 cars.

There are options to suit all budgets, including their popular all-inclusive delegate package. They also offer meeting rooms starting from £150 per day for room hire only, with options to add refreshments and equipment hire.

Let’s talk shop Put your ideas on the table in the best conference venues Brighton has to offer

T

here must be something in the sea air that clears the mind of the fog gathered from sitting in an office for too long. Brighton is a hub of creativity and an inspiring city to existing and aspiring businesses.

Companies large and small have been drawn here for those all-important meetings; the Labour Party conference has been held here on five occasions in the last nine years. A direct train journey to the capital attracts companies to our city by the sea. It’s a tempting opportunity to unwind a little – alongside the flip charts and note-taking, of course.

So Brighton is the choice for many, being easily accessible by road and rail, and a welcome break from the norm. But what also makes it top of many a list is the variety of conference facilties on offer. From boutique hotels to seaside restaurants and Listed estates, there’s an eclectic mix of venues for businesses of all sizes.

Here in our special guide to conference venues, you will find the diversity Brighton has to offer, with one factor remaining the same: a dedicated service to your business’ needs.

Whether it’s for a morning or a week-long stay, Brighton’s conference venues will give you a warm reception and all the facilities you need to talk shop. Come and be inspired...

The Day Delegate Package: •Free plasma screen •Free flip chart and pens •Free delegate pack •Free wireless internet •Free car parking •On site I.T. assistance •Arrival, morning and afternoon refreshments •Delegate lunch (From £58 + vat) Stanmer House can also be hired for exclusive use, which enhances the affect of any corporate function or large event. The house and gardens provide a peaceful backdrop that enhances the productivity of your day.

Stanmer House, Stenmer Park, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 9QA, 01273 680400, www.stanmerhouse.co.uk

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019-021_LS469_Conferences_Editorial 31/03/2010 15:03 Page 3

CONFERENCE VENUES 21

SPECIAL OFFER Italian House Red or White Wine £6.95 (75cl bottle usually £10.95) on presentation of this advert 10% service charge will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday until the end of April 2010 excluding Bank Holidays.

Only one voucher per table. Not in conjunction with any other offers.

Donatello 1-3 Brighton Place, Brighton www.donatello.co.uk 01273 775477

Pinocchio 22 New Road, Brighton www.pinocchio.co.uk 01273 677676

Terraces Bar & Grill Overlooking Brighton seafront, just 30 seconds walk from the beach, Terraces Bar & Grill offers a spacious self-contained area perfect for relaxed informal business meetings and private events.

Whether you require a bespoke service or an all-inclusive package, you can be sure of a calm and professional service, from the initial enquiry through to the day itself.

With a capacity of 240 and menus ranging from nibbles and canapés to a full hot buffet or formal sit downs, along with a fully licensed bar and extensive coffee menu, Terraces really can offer it all. Give them a call to discuss your requirements or to arrange a show-around.

Terraces Bar & Grill, Units 8–9, Madeira Drive, Brighton, East Sussex, BN2 1PS, 01273 570526, enquiries@the-terraces.co.uk, www.the-terraces.co.uk

The New Steine Hotel

Combining locally sourced produce with French cuisine.

Complimented by impeccable service at affordable prices.

The New Steine Hotel and Gullivers are delighted to accommodate their corporate clients in their conference and events facilities.

The rooms stand out for their contemporary design, natural daylight, stylish furniture and unusual décor. All are able to adapt into smaller, more intimate, private dining venues which have become exceedingly popular following various special occasions and celebrations – so why not reserve it for your all-important conference?

The Trouville Room at the New Steine is the perfect venue for your meeting or presentation. Suited for up to 55 theatre-style, 40 boardroom-style, or up to 80 people stand-up buffet, it provides ample space, natural light and a private patio garden.

The Ivory Room is encompassed within the Trouville Room and is ideal for smaller meetings and/or private dining, with a maximum capacity of 15 boardroom-style. Similarly, the Ebony Room at the Gullivers is ideal for meetings and/or private dining, with a maximum capacity of 20 people boardroom-style.

All the rooms have direct dial telephone, free wireless internet access, bottled mineral water, paper pads and pencils, flip charts and access to televisions if required.

With packages to suit meetings for room hire only or overnight stays, whether for meetings or private dining, you can relax in the knowledge that you will be looked after from start to finish.

The New Steine Hotel and Bistro, Gulliver’s Hotel, 10–11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546, www.newsteinehotel.com

SAMPLE DAILY MENU French onion soup * Fresh Salmon tartare Locally caught Pollok a la catalane Sussex lamb chops in Thyme jus tomate provencale Crème caramel * Chocolate mousse * Amaretto ice cream FRI & SAT: 2-course menu £14.50 * 3-course menu £16.50 SUN TO THURS: 2-course menu £10.50 * 3-course menu £12.50 SOME SIGNATURE DISHES FROM THE A LA CARTE MENU Fole gras de canard with warm toast £9.50 British porterhouse steak * Chips, Béarnaise or garlic butter: £12.95 Smoked Haddock fishcake & baby spinach: £10.50 Our famous Crème Brulée: £4.50 Tarte tatin & Calvados crème fraiche: £4.50

10%

10/11 New Steine Hotel, Brighton BN2 1PB 01273 681546 / 695415 www.newsteinehotel.com reservation@newsteinehotel.com

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Get in touch with Lynne at Latest 7 to find out how.

Call 01273 818150 or e-mail

lynne@thelatest.co.uk

!

W hy w not no k m let the

022_LS469_Gilly Smith_Editorial 01/04/2010 15:10 Page 2

22

WRITING WORKSHOPS

Don't miss Latest 7 for comprehensive coverage of the Brighton Festival and Fringe.

Throughout May we'll be chatting to the big names, reporting on over 150 shows, and celebrating the best of the lot at the famous Latest Awards.

You'll also be able to follow our critics on Twitter, hear our post-show verdicts on Brighton Festival Radio, and read all our reviews the following morning at www.thelatest.co.uk/7

Pen friends

For the first time you'll also find Latest 7 reviews on official Fringe application iFringe, which you can download for free at www.ifringe.co.uk

The Sussex House Party hosts events for writers and aspiring writers, from dinner parties with authors to writing seminars for business people and academics and art events for children.

On Saturday 5 and Sunday 6 June, their paddock will be open for a summer camp. Bring your own tent or rent one of their gorgeous bell tents, which come complete with sheepskin rugs and proper beds for total luxury, and feast with your fellow writers on local, seasonal food.

Unleash the author in you at an exciting writers’summer camp for all the family

Workshops A Workshop for People Who Don’t Write Saturday 5 June, 4pm–6pm, £20 per person Professional writer, Gilly Smith, brings her experience of writing in TV, radio and the national press to a workshop for business people who’ve lost their voice in their work.

Kitchen Table Collaborations Saturday 5 June, 6pm–7pm, £20 per person How six women created a publishing sensation – with Miranda Glover.

The Contemporary Women Writers' Club’s anthology, The Leap Year, was created around a kitchen table and self published to great reviews. Learn how to set up a writers’ group and learn to collaborate through some excellent starter exercises.

Writing That Novel Sunday 6 June, 10am–12pm, £20, www.amandasingtonwilliams.co.uk Amanda Sington-Williams is an award-winning writer who also leads a novel writing course in Brighton.

Crime Writing with Sue Walker Sunday 6 June, 10am–12pm, £20, www.suewalker.com Sue Walker worked on TV’s Cutting Edge and Dispatches before her first novel, The Reunion, was published by Penguin and selected for WH Smith’s Fresh Talent, reaching number six in the Australian bestseller list. £20 per person.

From The Tin Drum with Love Sunday lunch, 12pm–2pm, £40 including lunch Food writing and feasting with Vicky Radtke of Brighton’s Tin Drum restaurants. Tuck into a lunch produced on her own land while she tells her own story of The Good Life, and try a little writing over a selection of Tin Drum wines.

Writing for Children Sunday tea, 3pm–5pm, free An opportunity to test out your children’s stories on an audience of real kids and published – and unpublished – authors.

For more camping, workshops and full booking details call 01825 872136, visit www.sussexhouseparty.ning.com or email gilly@gillysmith.com

023_LS469_Stage_017_LS466_Stage 31/03/2010 15:42 Page 1

> send your stage listings to stage@thelatest.co.uk

STAGE 23

L7 WHAT’S ON

> Tuesday 6 to Monday 12 April>

Don Pasquale

Classic romance

Andrew Kay anticipates three accessible classics from English Touring Opera

E

ver fancied a night at the opera but thought that it was beyond your reach? The Royal Opera House and Glyndebourne have in recent years created far more accessible programming, bringing opera to a much wider audience.

English Touring Opera have been doing the same for years – 30 in fact. And following their 30th Anniversary celebrations in 2009, they return to the Hawth this spring with three classic operas.

First up is the spellbinding A Midsummer Night’s Dream in Britten’s setting of Shakespeare’s comedy. The seductive music of the fairies is balanced by the comically ponderous activities of a group of rustics who decide to hold theatre rehearsals in a clearing. Britten’s playful score enhances the magic of the original drama and includes a

chorus of mischievous fairies, who will be played by eight local children in each town ETO visits.

This is a revival of James Conway’s hugely popular 2004 production, nominated for a prestigious Royal Philharmonic Society award for best opera production.

Mozart’s ‘scandalous’ The Marriage Of Figaro, the most popular opera ever written, is next. Based on a banned play by Beaumarchais, it is the story of the barriers that Figaro and his fiancée Susanna must overcome before their wedding can take place, the most serious of which is philandering Count Almaviva’s determination to seduce the bride-tobe. ETO’s production is faithful to the original. It is set in Seville and features a cast of established Mozartian singers including Eliana Pretorian/Claire Ormshaw, Laura

Stagelistings > Tuesday 6 to Monday 12 April > THE BASEMENT, BRIGHTON 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com My Arm Tim Crouch’s brilliant one-man play about modern art, bloodymindedness and how the things we do when we’re 10 stick with us for life >16–17 Apr, 7.30pm, £8 BRIGHTON DOME, PAVILION THEATRE 01273 700747 www.brightondome.org What A Wonderful World Playful, interactive show reveals the magic and make-believe of theatre for the very young. >17–18 Apr, 11am, 2pm & 4pm, £8/£6 BRIGHTON LITTLE THEATRE, www.the-little.co.uk In Flame New play by Charlotte Jones

juxtaposes the present day with 1908 Yorkshire. >13–17 Apr, 7.15pm, £7.50 CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE, MINERVA 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Bingo: Scenes Of Money And Death William Shakespeare is in his last days in Edward Bond’s play. Stunning cast includes Patrick Stewart, Catherine Cusack, Richard McCabe and Jason Watkins. >15 Apr–22 May, times and prices vary.

CRAWLEY: THE HAWTH, 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Dumb Show Recently revived at The New Vic, an explosive dark comedy by awardwinning writer Joe Penhall. >16–17 Apr, 7.30pm, £13

Mitchell, Niamh Kelly, Robert Davies and Nicholas Lester. The production uses an English translation by Michael Irwin, which brings out the humour and word play that an Italian speaking audience is accustomed to.

Finally, we have Donizetti’s Don Pasquale, a masterpiece of comic opera and a mouth-watering example of bel canto writing, rich in soaring melodies. It is the story of the miserly Don Pasquale, set to steal from his nephew a beautiful and apparently submissive bride – but his clumsy wooing turns to painful woe when she reveals her own mind.

This also marks the directorial opera debut of William Oldroyd, whose theatre credits include working with Hori Pro and Thelma Holt, Tokyo, RSC and The Young Vic. In this exciting new production, Keel Watson plays the title role, here a tyrannical orchestral conductor. This Don Pasquale promises to be a highly intelligent interpretation of an opera classic.

A stunning, modern set by designer Agnes Treplin is balanced with beautiful period-costumes and Dominic Wheeler, a specialist when it comes to conducting Donizetti, brings together orchestra, cast and chorus

4

Stage

A Midsummer Night’s Dream

through a glorious sequence of arias, with a distinctly Italian accent.

All productions are sung in English, and the Hawth’s ArtsCafé is laying on a special £10 meal deal, and in a special ticket offer you can book best seats for two operas at £42 and best seats for all three operas at just £60.

Groups are entitled to one free ticket for every eight booked.

English Touring Opera, The Hawth, Crawley, 29 April (Britten’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream), 30 April (Mozart’s The Marriage of Figaro) and 1 May (Donizetti’s Don Pasquale), £16.50-£26, 01293 553636, www.hawth.co.uk

The Marriage Of Figaro

Puro Amor Flamenco return to The Hawth with their brand new show. >16–17 Apr, 7.30pm, £15 EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Pajama Game Richard Adler and Jerry Ross musical set in a pyjama factory. >7 –10 Apr, 7.30pm, matinee Thu 5pm, Wed & Sat, 2.30pm , £14 THEATRE ROYAL BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal The Pirates Of Penzance Paul Nicholas stars in one of Gilbert and Sullivan’s most popular comic operas. >6–10 April, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 Oklahoma! Brand new revival of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s classic musical

>13–17 April, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 The Woman In Black Hit adaptation of Susan Hill’s best selling ghost story. >19–24 April, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE, 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat Lloyd Webber musical stars Any Dream Will Do finalist Craig Chalmers. >12–17 April, times and prices vary WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE, 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime Lee Mead and Gary Wilmot star in adaptation of the Oscar Wilde novel. >13–17 April, 730pm, 2pm matinee Wed, 2.30pm Sat, £14.50–£23.50

024_LS469_music-clublistings_022_LS467_music/clublistings 01/04/2010 09:43 Page 2

24

MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS

Clublistings

Musiclistings

> Tuesday 6 April to Monday 12 April > > send your club listings to clubs@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 6 to Monday 12 April > > send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk

>highlight

aged accountant look-a-like. Plus a multi-deck, genre car crash from party jackin’ duo, The Nextmen. 10pm, £12.50 CONCORDE 2 Candi Staton Official After Party.

Dolling out the best in ’70s disco.

11pm–1am, £3/free CASABLANCA Mirrorball. Consider this your lesson in urban cool! 10pm–3am, £5 DIGITAL Stonelove. 11pm–3am, £4 HONEY CLUB Kidology. Uber-glamorous night filled with booty basslines and big uplifting vocal house beats! 11pm–3am, £7/5 KOMEDIA Club Ampwitch. The best rock, punk and metal tunes. 11pm, £4 LIFE Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box. Fidget, bass and firing electro. 11pm–3am, £6/4 THE LOFT Malicious. Alternative sleaze and cheese with Pete Von Sleaze! 10pm, £5/free VOLKS Carbon. Fresh, diamond-blasting D’n’B slices. 11pm–5am, £6 b4 12

TUESDAY 6

SATURDAY 10

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EASTER PUNCH 16+ EVENT Chart-topping badman Tinie Tempah is going to push your rave limits ’til you hit the ground and pass out! Plus some serious 170bpm from Ram Records’ mighty deck hand, Sub Focus, and Afro dub warrior Benga giving us an education in Low-end. He’s one of the many godfathers who developed the genre with his fusion of South London dub step and East London Grime, so you can expect some veteran beats. Be prepared to be shredded by tasty sub-bass, showered in glitter, splattered in UV paint, pounded with inflatables and be on the verge of complete spontaneous combustion as you get ready to go nuts with 1999 partyheads.

Tuesday 6 April, Tru

TUESDAY 6 DIGITAL Glitterati. Sexy, fresh, funky and damn well classy. 11pm–3am, £5/3 JAM Pot Kettle Black. Spanking new indie bash playing retro to now. 10pm–2am, £2/1 LIFE The Vice Social. Dirty mash-ups and filthy beats. 10pm–2.30am, free b4 11, £3/2 after PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, free/£3 TRU Easter Punch. See highlight.

7pm–12.30am, £12.50

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WEDNESDAY 7 AUDIO Supercharged. No intro needed!

Dub/grime link man Plastician plus man of the hour Reso, and London's jump-up lot, Tomb Crew. 11pm–2.30am, £7/5 DIGITAL The Poundance. Rock, rave, rap, tap, skank and jive at this awesome mash-up revelry! 11pm, £1 LIFE Broke. Wonky glitch-hop, cutting edge dubstep, jungle, breaks and splatterings of liquid D’n’B. 10.30pm–2.30am, £4/1

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AUDIO Summer Of Love. 11pm–4am, free BRIGHTON COALITION Floorplay. Bouncy electrohouse, tech and energetic classics from our hard-working B-Town DJ duo plus Martin Ten Velden. 10.30pm, £10/7 CONCORDE 2 Freebass. B-Town’s baddest, toughest free bash plays two speaker-popping rooms of all things bass! 11pm–5am, free DIGITAL Subprime. Caspa, once a king player in the underground dub scene, has now burst over ground to claim 20-10! 11pm–4am, £8 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 KOMEDIA Stone to the Bone. A sublime cocktail of soul, funk and jazz. 11pm, £5 LIFE Hold Up. Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 PO NA NA Silk. Urban soul, electro-tinged pop and a mish-mash of Bootlegs. 10pm, £10/5 THE LOFT 13 Monsters. High brow bash for early adopters spinning drumtrax, alt-guitar junk, hip-hop and future jack swing. 11pm, £5/4 VOLKS Black Box 5th Birthday Bash. Sick live techno mentalism from Dave the Drummer and 3d!T. 11pm, £8/6

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SUNDAY 11 BRIGHTON COALITION Frequency. Delivering a range of house/breaks/electro. 10pm, free HONEY CLUB Spectrum. Electro and classic house for connoisseurs. 10.30pm, £2/1

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THURSDAY 8 CASABLANCAS Thursdays@Casas. Local up-andcoming bands plus fresh ’n’ funky DJ selections.

10pm–3am, £2/free JAM Thursday Night Fish Fry. ’50s R’n’B and original Jamaican ska. 10pm, £3 THE LOFT Miami South Beach Party. Playing sunny rollers from Reggaeton and club R’n’B to salsa. 11pm–3am, £5-3 VOLKS Skank. Dubstep, tribal dub, ghetto bass and grime. 11pm, £5/3

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FRIDAY 9 BRIGHTON COALITION Hush Your Beak Presents... Bass-heavy reggae from a middle-

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MONDAY 12 AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to dancehall.

11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays.

10.30pm–3am, £3/free LIFE AKA AKA ROAR. Sounds from the full dub-step spectrum, past and future.

10pm–2.30am, £2 b4 12 Jaime Pettit

> > >

follow me on twitter

latestjaime

Club NME: Molotovs + Kensingtons Poetic poprockers The Molotovs headline the trend-setting magazine’s night.

Audio, 7pm, £3/2 Funk Up: Chris Cape + The Eleven 37s + Storm Engine + Mista Kite Live funk acts.

Latest Musicbar, 7.30pm, £3 Some Will Be Saved + As It Stands + Here In Venice Hardcore and metal night. Plus it’s free, so no excuse!

Hobgoblin, 7.30pm, free

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WEDNESDAY 7 Hunx And His Punx Madly enjoyable quirky US rockabilly/garage/soul crossover blending elements of Violent Femmes, Ramones and classic soul to boot!

Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £5 Mount Eerie Accomplished, minimalist, dark Washington nu-folk.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £8.50 Phil King + Carrie Tree + Emily Baker Bristolbased blues, soul and folk singer-songwriter.

Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £5

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THURSDAY 8 Bowling For Soup Acoustic The heavyweight US pop-punks play an acoustic set. Hopefully they won’t go all serious on us.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £12 BrokeNCYDE + Jeffree Star Crunkcore kids from Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £9 King Creosote AKA Kenny Anderson, Scottish folk troubadour.

Hanbury Club, 8pm, £10 Robots In Disguise Mighty Boosh-affiliated electro pop hipster duo.

Digital, 7.30pm, £10 The Spirit Of Gravity: Jez North + Concrete Belly + Tetras Experimental electronic music with visuals by minimalVector.

Komedia, 8pm, £5/4

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Thankyou Anyway The Brightonian rockers headline the Concorde once again.

> Concorde 2, 7pm, £5 The King Blues Politically conscious, acclaimed cult acoustic punks.

Komedia, 7pm–10pm, £9.50 Vashti Bunyan For years forgotten; now rightly adored by fans and critics alike for her classic, haunting ’60s folk.

St George’s Church, 7.30pm, £16

> >

SUNDAY 11 Joanna MacGregor The concert pianist, conductor and composer plays Bach, Chopin, Piazzolla and Mussorgsky.

Brighton Dome Concert Hall, 7.30pm, £10–18 Plan B The acclaimed genre-blending British rapper returns for a sold-out show.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £12.50 The Hornblower Brothers and Friends In Aid Of Scope The Brighton-based pop-rockers get their friends involved to battle cerebral palsy.

Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £4/3

> > >

MONDAY 12 Angus and Julia Stone Softly-spoken Antipodean brother sister surf-pop.

Duke of York’s Picturehouse, 9pm, £12/10 Royal Bangs Progressive dance meets classic rock, Knoxville Tennessee style.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £6

> >

> >

Nick Aldwinckle

Hunx and his Punx

> >

FRIDAY 9 Brighton Jazz Club: Jake Goss Banyan Weekly gathering for jazz fans and musos alike.

Komedia, 8pm, £12.50 Candi Staton Veteran pop-soul diva best known for her hit ‘Young Hearts Run Free’.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £18 David Rodigan + The Nextmen + Soul Safari Tag Team Reggae and hip-hop line-up.

Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £12.50

> > >

SATURDAY 10 Bad Company Classic rock from this trio reunited after 30 years.

Brighton Centre, 7.30pm, £34.50 Hope For Haiti Charity show (line-up TBA) in aid of post-earthquake Haiti.

The Old Market, 7pm, £10

> >

To advertise here costs Book yours now at Latest Musicbar.

Every Saturday in April now booked but dates in May onwards available.

only

£40

Call our sales team now!

01273 818150 Call Ruth or Angi 01273 687171

025–LS469 musichighlights_news_019_LS466 musichighlights_news 01/04/2010 08:52 Page 1

> send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk

MUSIC 25

Musichighlights

Music

> Tuesday 6 to Monday 12 April >

VASHTI BUNYAN Her story is one of thwarted promise, disenchantment, long-term selfimposed exile and eventual rediscovery.

Initially unearthed by The Rolling Stones’ guru Andrew Loog Oldham, she was touted as the new Marianne Faithful, which in hindsight was a mistake.

Vashti, of course, is a hippy at heart, and she took off on a horse and cart to live a quiet life in rural Scotland, growing vegetables and raising a family. But those early records, in particular the album she recorded and released in 1970 to muted response, never went away. Vashti subsequently discovered that she was a bit of a cult item, and over the last few years has re-invigorated her musical career, this time with a great deal more success!

Saturday 10 April, St. Georges Church

With Jeff Hemmings

ME MYSELF I

GARY MOORE + THE PERILS Blues rock supremo Gary Moore is the special guest at this Haiti fundraiser. The event also features The Perils, The Laylanas, Strange Animals, The Half Sisters, and DJs Vito Benito and Agenda Blender. There will also be a raffle, an auction, and much else besides, all hosted by the Trudi Styles. 100% of proceeds will be going to projects supported by Action Against Hunger. (See also Snap Shots p 8) Saturday 10 April, Old Market

BAD COMPANY Hell, yeah! The boys are back in town, riding the hard rock revival but ready to gun down any of the young pretenders. One of the greatest voices in rock music, the former Free frontman Paul Rogers, will be joined by original members Mick Ralphs and Simon Kirke, also ex-Free. Expect all the hits, including the brilliantly cheesy classics ‘Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love’ and ‘Feel Like Makin’ Love’ (they don’t make them like this any more, unfortunately). In support is Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry, doing his own thang with The Joe Perry Project.

Saturday 10 April, Brighton

Joan Armatrading on fighting for her name, studying on tour, and playing everything on new LP This Charming Life

S

omewhat of a national treasure, surely it can’t be long before they start referring to her as Our Joan? Perhaps not yet, for despite the commercial success of Joan Armatrading over the last 35 years and the unremitting good works that she involves herself with, she hasn’t attained quite the level of critical acclaim amongst the trendies that her work has sometimes deserved. And that’s despite releasing 19 albums, being nominated for a Grammy on three occasions, and writing and recording such bona fide classics as ‘Love And Affection’, ‘Drop The Pilot’ and ‘Me Myself I’.

Her list of achievements is quite remarkable, from teaching herself guitar and numerous other instruments to peforming privately to Nelson Mandela in 2000 and more recently becoming one of the few female artists to be awarded an MBE. Not bad for a girl who was born in St. Kitts in the West Indies in 1950, only joining her parents in England when she was seven. “That was my first memory of England, seeing my parents,” says Joan.

A precocious writer from the first time she picked up a guitar, she eventually decided to hawk her wares around record companies at the turn of the ’70s. “I took my songs to different record companies and got a deal with everyone!” says Joan. “But some of them wanted to change my name. If I was desperate I would have changed it, but I wasn’t, and I stood firm. They didn’t have a chance to change it becase I

wouldn’t have that,” she laughs. “All I wanted to do was write songs and get them heard.”

An often overlooked aspect of Joan’s music is her all-round musicality. She plays all the instruments except the drums on her new album, This Charming Life, and although she is far from being a virtuoso, “I do it because I can... But, on tour, I have a band with me... I prefer it that way.”

More recently, she has immersed herself in education, gaining a degree in history from the Open University in 2001, while being a full-time musician. “I always wanted a degree,” says Joan, who has also accumulated a number of honorary degrees over the years. It took me five years, sometimes I would be writing essays while on tour. It was literally a different city every day; as well as doing interviews, soundchecks, and then the gig, I had to find time to do an essay. In fact I took my final exam the day after a tour!”

Joan is in the middle of a world tour that began in early March and won’t finish until December.

She doesn’t seem to have tired of music, or writing songs, or getting involved in non-musical things. “I like doing different things, I like to see what I can do, the different things I can be involved in, and to keep myself interested.” As her sleeve notes say, ‘I can’t think of anything else I would rather do.’ A charmed life indeed!

Joan Armatrading, Tuesday 13 April, Concert Hall, Brighton Dome

follow me on twitter

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tues 6 april

fri 9 april

sun 11 april

funk up chris cape + eleven 37s + storm engine + mista kite 7.30pm £3/£2 with a flyer

charity chuckle the best of brighton’s up-andcoming comedy talent, with all proceeds going to charity doors 7pm/show 7.30pm £6/5

the hornblower brothers + support a fine evening of musical shenanigans in aid of scope 6pm til late £4/£3 concessions

later on... frockabilly queer-run, straight-friendly, 1950s themed club night 10pm–2am £5

mon 12 april

wed 7 april phil king + carrie tree + emily baker 8pm doors/show 8.30pm £5

thurs 8 april catalyst club a monthly event which blends the old traditions of a french salon with debating societies 8pm £5

manchester street, brighton tel.

sat 10 april

private party to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact ruth or emma on 01273 687171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk

private party to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact ruth or emma on 01273 687171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk

01273 687171

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026_LS469 Art-Events _020_LS466 Art/Events 01/04/2010 15:06 Page 2

26

EVENTS | ART

Eventspreview

Arthighlight

> Tuesday 6 to Monday 12 April > > send your events listings to events@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 6 to Monday 12 April > > send your art listings to art@thelatest.co.uk

BEDROOM BOND

WILD PLANET

The No 7 bus from Portslade to Brighton Marina has temporarily been renamed the 007, book drop off points have been established across the city, and Ian Fleming’s nephew has even dropped in for a visit. Yes, this year’s City Read festival is now underway, with bibliophiles and occasional readers alike getting stuck in to the classic spy novel From Russia With Love. But if you’ve yet to get involved with this fantastic city-wide reading scheme, perhaps this special event will do the trick.

There’s no rarer treat these days than being read to; and every Thursday throughout April you can enjoy an exclusive session with ‘reader in residence’ Damian Barr in MyHotel’s luxury penthouse suite. While Damian’s reads extracts from Fleming’s work, your own barman will mix you a complimentary vodka martini – shaken, not stirred.

Thursday 8, 15, 22 and 29 April, MyHotel, Jubilee Street, Brighton, hourly from 6pm, £5. Max four people per session, ages 18 plus. For more info visit www.cityreads.co.uk

You may have noticed a series of display units dotted along the pavement of Brighton seafront, inbetween the piers, looking especially magnificent when illuminated at night... Wild Planet features 80 of the most spectacular images taken from the Wildlife Photographer of the Year – the prestigious annual wildlife photography competition that has done much over the years to promote the extraordinary diversity of wildlife found on our planet.

“The team that manage and develop the competition felt that there should be a new format,” says Sharon Ament, Director of Public Engagement at the Natural History Museum, who organised this touring exhibition that will visit a number of other locations in the UK over the next few years.

“Brighton was the right place to start this tour, especially the seafront location.”

Each large-scale image is captioned with the story of how they were taken, alongside insights into the species captured on film, with the aim of inspiring and educating a new generation of wildlife photographers, nature

enthusiasts and the general public alike.

“The Natural History Museum is there to help people understand and care for the natural world,” says Sharon. “You get a sense of empathy for the natural world when looking at these images.”

The photographs are free to enjoy throughout the day and are illuminated at night for people to view while taking an evening stroll along the promenade. The remarkable ‘Starling Flock Above West Pier’, taken

by James Warnock, while the West Pier was still standing, seems to sit perfectly comfortably alongside the remains of the real West Pier, just a matter of yards away. More incongruous, but just as fantastic, is Jeff Yonover’s underwater elephant image (pictured).

And Sharon’s favourite?

“The Dalmatian Pelican,” she says without hesitation. “I’ve got a picture of it in my office, looking at me. It’s an image of the bird waking up, its one eye opened looks wise and knowing, and checking up on me!”

Wild Planet, King’s Road, Brighton.

Daily, with exhibition lit from dusk until 11pm at night. Until 26 September.

Events highlights THURSDAY 8 Catalyst Club A monthly event which blends the old traditions of a French Salon with debating societies. Three guest speakers each take to the lectern for 15 minutes to enthuse, debate and entertain on subjects that range from the intellectual to the quite odd.

Latest Musicbar, Brighton. 8pm, £5

>

The Old Market, Hove, 7pm, £15/10, www.theoldmarket.co.uk

MONDAY 12

>

Jim Crace Prize-winning author of nine previous books, reads from and discusses his new work All That Follows.

The Old Market, Hove. 6.30pm, £6

SATURDAY 10

MONDAY 12

Hope For Haiti Charity Event Fundraising extravaganza in aid of the earthquake victims of Haiti. Raffle prizes up for grabs plus an exciting aution. The Perils, The Half Sisters, The Laylanas and other special guest performers.

Hosted by the fabulous Trudi Styles. Donate online at www.justgiving.com/hopeforhaiti

Brighton & Hove Children's Festival Returning for its fourth year. This year's theme is ‘transformation’. Seven days of free, creative workshops, performances and events for children aged 0-11. Until 18 April.

Various venues, most events are free, www.thechildrensfestival.co.uk

>

>

Jeff Yonover/Wild Planet

BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 698989

Dine for

£10

2 courses & a glass of wine OR

25% off total food bill from A La Carte Menu Terms and conditions: Excludes Saturdays and Bank Holidays. 1 voucher for up to 6 people. BRING THIS VOUCHER. Please book in advance.

027_LS469_film_021_LS466_film 31/03/2010 10:25 Page 1

Supported by

FILM

Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U)

filmhighlight

L7 Film

Dir: Susanna White

She’s ba-ack! Warts and all, as the less alluring Mary Poppins turns up to help out harangued young mother, Maggie Gyllenhaal, who’s struggling with her own kids and a pair of city cousin evacuees. Hubby’s at war and it’s all a tad too much on her own. Cue the magic and lessons learned, followed by a race to save the farm. Emma Thompson reprises the title role.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Showing this week Clash Of The Titans (12A) Dir: Louis Leterrier

Perseus is born a god but raised a man and, rather unfortunately, bears the wrath of Hades, god of the underworld himself (Ralph Fiennes).

Facing this, he gathers a group of his best men around him and journeys forth into the forbidden worlds to battle with demons and all manner of beasts.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon & Worthing

I Am Love (15) Dir: Luca Guadagnino

Remember Me (12A) Dir: Allen Coulter

How To Train Your Dragon 2D & 3D (PG) Dir: Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders

Animated vikings eh? Marauding and fighting anything that’s big enough to hit. That’s what teenager Hiccup has to look forward to, until he befriends an injured dragon and turns expectations on their head.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Worthing

Following our L7 Interview with the man himself, Robert Pattinson stars as a rebellious young dude who has a difficult relationship with his father (Pierce Brosnan) in this indie flick that he has co-produced. Go with the brooding, RPatz! You know the stuff: sticky up hair, constant slight scowl, the attributes patented by Jimmy Dean way back when. Then along comes this firecracker of a girl Ally (played by Lost’s Emilie de Ravin), and he falls in love. ‘Bless’ and ‘melt’ and all that. All is fine and dandy and his savage moodiness seems to be taking a rain check. But the relationship soon begins to break down long hidden secrets that could tear the young lovers apart. A complex tale of relationships.

(See Will’s Cityspeak column, p 5, for the view from the R-Patz red carpet!)

Showing at Odeon

Kick-Ass (15) Dir: Matthew Vaughn

Wonder why comic heroes don’t help in everyday life? You’re in good company as teen nerd Dave (Aaron Johnson) straps on his homemade

27

outfit and weapons and helps the helpless, inspiring all manner of vigilantes (including Nic Cage). Local

crime boss is a tad put out, though.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon & Duke of York’s Picturehouse

A tale of Italian aristocracy, away in an opulent mansion ruled by matriarch Emma (Tilda Swinton) and her father-inlaw Edoardo Snr. They gather the clan together to celebrate Edoardo’s birthday and to hear the succession plans, only to find the party is affected by a series of incremental transgressions. Cue the buried secrets escaping and the family’s very foundations shaken.

Showing at Duke of York’s

Lourdes (U) Dir: Jessica Hausner

Winner of numerous awards at the 2009 Venice Film Festival, Hausner's latest release tells of wheelchairbound Christine’s journey to the holy station and her relationship with stern head nun Cécile when she gets there.

With plenty of self-discovery and faith, Hausner has not baulked at provoking reaction.

Showing at Duke of York’s

SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261

0871 224 4007

0871 200 2000

01903 206206

cineworld.co.uk

picturehouses.co.uk

odeon.co.uk

worthingtheatres.co.uk

TUESDAY 6

TUESDAY 6

TUESDAY 6

TUESDAY 6

Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 11.30, 2.15, 5.00 (10.30 3D) Alvin And The Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel (U) 10.20 The Blind Side (12A) 12.00, 3.00, 8.45 Clash Of The Titans 3D (12A) 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15 How To Train Your Dragon 3D (PG) 10.45, 1.15, 4.00, 6.45, 9.15 How To Train Your Dragon 2D (PG) 12.00, 2.45 Kick-Ass (15) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 6.15, 8.00, 9.00 Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U) 10.00, 12.45, 5.30, 6.00 Nowhere Boy (15) 8.15 Remember Me (12A) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 Shutter Island (15) 5.30, 8.45

Lourdes (U) 6.30 I Love You Philip Morris (15) 1.30 The Last Station (15) 11.00 Kick-Ass (15) 4.00, 9.00

Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 10.20, 12.40, 3.10 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.50, 2.40, 4.45 The Blind Side (12A) 5.00, 8.00 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 7.00 Clash Of The Titans 3D (12A) 10.40, 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 7.10, 8.50, 9.40 How To Train Your Dragon 2D (PG) 10.00, 12.20, 2.40 How To Train Your Dragon 3D (PG) 11.20, 1.40, 4.00, 6.20, 8.40 Kick-Ass (15) 10.50, 1.30, 4.10, 5.40, 6.50, 8.30, 9.30 Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U) 10.10, 1..10, 12.50, 1.50, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 Shutter Island (15) 9.20

Clash Of The Titans (12A) 5.45, 8.15 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.00, 3.30

WEDNESDAY 7 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 11.30, 2.15, 5.00 (10.30 3D) Alvin And The Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel (U) 10.20 The Blind Side (12A) 12.00, 3.00, 8.45 Clash Of The Titans 3D (12A) 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15 How To Train Your Dragon 3D (PG) 10.45, 1.15, 4.00, 6.45, 9.15 How To Train Your Dragon 2D (PG) 12.00, 2.45 Kick-Ass (15) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 6.15, 8.00, 9.00 Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U) 10.00, 12.45, 5.30, 6.00 Remember Me (12A) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 Shutter Island (15) 5.30, 8.45

WEDNESDAY 7 Lourdes (U) 6.30 I Love You Philip Morris (15) 1.30 The Last Station (15) 11.00 Kick-Ass (15) 4.00, 9.00

THURSDAY 8 Lourdes (U) 6.30 I Love You Philip Morris (15) 1.30 Kick-Ass (15) 4.00, 9.00

WEDNESDAY 7 Clash Of The Titans (12A) 5.45, 8.15 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.00, 3.30

WEDNESDAY 7

Where The Wild Things Are (PG) 11.00 (Kids’ Club) I Am Love (15) 4.00, 9.00

Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 10.20, 12.40, 3.10 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.50, 2.40, 4.45 The Blind Side (12A) 5.00, 8.00 Clash Of The Titans 3D (12A) 10.40, 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 7.10, 8.50, 9.40 How To Train Your Dragon 2D (PG) 10.00, 12.20, 2.40 How To Train Your Dragon 3D (PG) 11.20, 1.40, 4.00, 6.20, 8.40 Kick-Ass (15) 10.50, 1.30, 4.10, 5.40, 6.50, 8.30, 9.30 Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U) 10.10, 1..10, 12.50, 1.50, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 Shutter Island (15) 9.20

THURSDAY 8

MONDAY 12

THURSDAY 8

Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 11.30, 2.15, 5.00 (10.30 3D) The Blind Side (12A) 12.00, 3.00, 8.45 Clash Of The Titans 3D (12A) 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15 Am Education (U) 10.30 How To Train Your Dragon 3D (PG) 10.45, 1.15, 4.00, 6.45, 9.15 How To Train Your Dragon 2D (PG) 12.00, 2.45 Kick-Ass (15) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 6.15, 8.00, 9.00 Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U) 10.00, 12.45, 5.30, 6.00 Remember Me (12A) 12.15, 3.00, 5.45, 8.30 Shutter Island (15) 5.30, 8.45

I Am Love (15) 4.00

Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 10.20, 12.40, 3.10 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.50, 2.40, 4.45 The Blind Side (12A) 5.00, 8.00 Clash Of The Titans 3D (12A) 10.40, 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 7.10, 8.50, 9.40 How To Train Your Dragon 2D (PG) 10.00, 12.20, 2.40 How To Train Your Dragon 3D (PG) 11.20, 1.40, 4.00, 6.20, 8.40 Kick-Ass (15) 10.50, 1.30, 4.10, 5.40, 6.50, 8.30, 9.30 Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang (U) 10.10, 1..10, 12.50, 1.50, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 Shutter Island (15) 9.20

FRIDAY 9 I Am Love (15) 4.00, 9.00

SATURDAY 10 Fantastic Mr Fox (PG) 11.00 (Kids’ Club) I Am Love (15) 4.00, 9.00

SUNDAY 11

Kick-Ass

Films showing Friday 9–Monday 12

Films showing Friday 9–Monday 12

Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

Clash Of The Titans

THURSDAY 8 Clash Of The Titans (12A) 5.45, 8.15 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.00, 3.30

FRIDAY 9 Clash Of The Titans (12A) 5.45, 8.15 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.00, 3.30

SATURDAY 10 Alvin And The Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel (U) 10.15 Clash Of The Titans (12A) 5.45, 8.15 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.00, 3.30

SUNDAY 11 Clash Of The Titans (12A) 2.00, 5.00, 8.00 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.30, 4.30, 7.30

MONDAY 12 Clash Of The Titans (12A) 5.00, 8.00 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 1.30, 4.30, 7.30 Up In The Air (15) 2.00

028_LS469_comedy-gay_Editorial 01/04/2010 10:05 Page 2

28

COMEDY |GAY LISTINGS

Comedypreview

Gaylistings

> Tuesday 6 April to Monday 12 April > > send your club listings to comedy@thelatest.co.uk you changed the format from TV KATY BRAND’S BIG ASS TOUR Have for a live theatre audience?

> Tuesday 6 April to Monday 12 April > > send your music listings to gay@thelatest.co.uk

A

The sketches will be longer, but other than that, it will have a similar atmosphere: naughty, noisy with a lot of music.

Are you looking forward to your tour?

Very much – I am excited and apprehensive, but mostly I want to get out there and just do it!

What’s the best thing about getting to do what you do?

Laughing with some of the funniest people in the world and wearing silly wigs all the time (although not in real life much).

ward-winning ITV2 comedian Katy Brand puts aside her dancing shoes and comedy spats to tell us about her new live show, which kicks off next week in Brighton.

Are there any characters you've created that have made you laugh, but then you've dropped because you’ve found it too much?

I used to do an old lady who was incredibly liberal and talked at length about her love of oral sex with [censored! – Ed]. I liked her a lot, but sometimes it was a bit much for people to take, so I retired her. I have toned down some other characters a little too, but I think they’re better for it.

What was your first gig like?

My first gig was fantastic. The second one was awful. The third one was great, which was lucky as I might not have carried on otherwise! You soon learn everyone has bad nights.

What’s your next big project going to be?

I am developing a new music show for TV, so I’ll keep you posted.

Sometimes audience members bring gifts along for performers they like.

Any special requests?

Anything with magical properties or bits of Egyptian archaeology most welcome.

Katy Brand’s Big Ass Tour, Theatre Royal, Brighton, Sunday 18 April, 8pm, £22.50 follow me on twitter

latestvicky

Comedy listings WEDNESDAY 7 The Noise Next Door Comedy Night Improv leaders The Noise Next Door put on their own comedy night, with guests including Tiernan Douieb.

The Brunswick, 8pm, £8/6.

>

THURSDAY 8 Top Banana A smorgasbord of stand-ups, featuring Nicholas Cooke, James Snodgrass, Benjamin Pritchard, Matt Whistler, Larry Dean, Neil Dagley, Jim Holland, Claire Parker and Sean McLoughlin, with compere Richard Massing Cella (at Sanctuary Cafe), 8pm, £2

>

FRIDAY 9 Charity Chuckle Charity Chuckle is a monthly stand-up comedy night raising money for local charities in Brighton. Each month features the most exciting up-and-coming comedians from Brighton’s exploding comedy scene and the London circuit.

Latest Musicbar, 7pm, £6/5

Luurtsema. Nat was a big hit in her last appearance at SLICC early in 2009 and has since been in even bigger demand on the UK comedy circuit. Nat will be supported by Sam Veale, Adam Tempest, Sha Wiley, Rupert Boon plus local newcomers. The MC will be Anton Hammon.

The Crown House, 8pm, £5/4

>

SATURDAY 10 Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 7pm, £17.50 & 10.30, £15

>

Laughing Horse Comedy Stand-up comedy from Jay Sodagar, Chris Brooker, Giada garofalo, David Kelly and Alistair Greaves. With resident compere Sajeela Kershi. Late bar until 1am.

The Quadrant, 8.30pm, £6/5

>

SUNDAY 11 Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 8pm, £11/£6

>

>

Krater Comedy Club Award-winning comedy every Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Eat, drink, watch and laugh as three top stand-ups and one of the best MCs on the comedy circuit entertain you. Featuring Susan Murry, Addy Borgh and Josh Howie! MC Rob Heeney.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £14.50/10

>

St Leonard’s Improv Comedy Club The evening’s headliner will be Nat

Victoria Nangle

Stephen Grant

TUESDAY 6 LEGENDS Wine On Tuesdays. Soak up work blues with BOGOHP on vino! > 11pm–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Bingo’s Not A Dirty Word.

With Kath. Winner takes the pot, job done! > 8pm, £1 QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for £10! Plus DJ and karaoke. > 12pm–3am, free R BAR Twisted Karaoke. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Sound As A Pound. Eclectic selections from electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a hefty raffle prize! > 10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! > 11pm–4am, free WEDNESDAY 7 AMSTERDAM Total Request Karaoke. Pick a song to belt out, vid to watch or tune for your audio pleasure! > 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Fun & Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. > 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Open Mic Night. > 8.30pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS The All New Q-Factor Auditions.

12 finalists, one winner. > 9pm, free R-BAR Midweek Mash Up. DJ Beast playing her finest mash ups from electro pop to darker shades of electric vibes! > 12pm–2am REVENGE Death To Disco. Midweek bash to meet your indie electro pop and alternative beats needs. > 10.30pm, £2 THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. > 11pm–4am, free

THURSDAY 8 CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL: My Cow Is On Fire. > 8pm–3am, £1 (goes to charity) CHARLES STREET CLUB Get Some. A deck loaded with the scene's hottest 3some, this night is set to cause more than just smoke! > 10pm, £1 LEGENDS Coreaoke with Tammy Twinkle. > 11am–5am, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. See Tues. > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls On Top Party. Dulcie Danger sets the mood with some funked up, soulful and uplifiting house from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Girls On Tp Vs Emergency Room. If pop isn't your remedy maybe Emergency Room is your cure! > 10.30pm, £4/free THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. > 11pm–4am, free

FRIDAY 9 BULLDOG DJ Marcia + Guy’s Karaoke. Spinning a non-stop club mix to kick the 63-hour weekend into gear! > 10pm–2am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Candyfloss. Bubblegum tunes, sweet camp pop & your favourite requests. > 11am, free DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday.

See highlight. > 9.30pm–2am, free HEIST Brighter Days. Upfront and deep, soulful, funky and jackin’ house! > 9pm–2am, free LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Q&A. Indie, electro, soul, punk, and the classics. > 5pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Camp Attack + Karaoke.

Definitive handbag tunes . > 9pm, free R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. > 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Lollipop Gleeks Vs Peachy. Pop’n’dance mish mash > 10.30pm–5am, £5/free THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag tracks. > 11pm–4am, free

>highlight FLAUNCY FRIDAY The doctor will be serving up some commercial house and dance treats, lovingly administered by your resident nurse, Ms Masters. Hers is a face that’s getting around, having played new night Get Some, glam-house brand night Muzika*, inflatable madness Playroom, and Scout at Madame Geisha. This hugely talented, hot female DJ on the circuit has a talent for gathering riots of bopping men and women and an insatiable taste for dirty martinis. Come get innoculated.

Friday 9 April, Doctor Brightons

SATURDAY 10 AMSTERDAM A-List. Boutique clubbing with some fabulous soulful house sessions. > 9pm, free CHARLES STREET BAR Fierce. Tantalising cocktails, reasonable prices and the best funky house and commercial tunes! > 9pm–3am, free LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Cherry Pop. Cheesy upbeat classics! > 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Miss Hap + Karaoke. > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous. > Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. Four top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 6.5 hours of frolics. > 10.30pm, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. > 11pm–4am, free THE PV AT THE JURYS OUT Booty Call. From 8.30pm guest DJs, The Charity Shop girls spinning dusty vinyl classics to show tunes. > 12pm–2am, free THE ZONE Sally Vate is the Godmother. This month’s theme is ‘Gangsters’, so better make sure yo packin’ some real heat! > 9.30pm, free

SUNDAY 11 AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch + Connie's Karaoke. > 12pm–1am, free LEGENDS Sunday cabaret with Dave Lynn & Chill out bar. > 3.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Acoustic Jam. > 6pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Davina Sparkle + Betty’s Karaoke. > 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays + Barmy Bingo.

Relaxing acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by Miss Jason’s barmy Bingo! > 12pm–2am, free THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes. > 11pm–4am, free

MONDAY 12 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin party tracks spanning four decades.

10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS DWNN Monday Gangbang. A night filled with song, sketches and chat. 11am–5am, free QUEENS ARMS Tammy Twinkle's Cabaret Karaoke Show. 8pm–1am, free THE BASEMENT Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free

>

>

> >

Jaime Pettit

029_LS469_reviews_000_LS466_reviews 31/03/2010 10:01 Page 1

REVIEWS 29

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk LEE MACK Mack stalked the stage, harangued the audience and ranted like the most alternative of alternative comedians. But his material was never far away from the traditional northern stand up routines of old, peppered with racism and bigotry but seldom delivered with convincing irony. The audience seemed to like him but it was not for me. Mind you, the self assured wit and charm of Simon Evans made him a tough act to follow. His haughty posh bloke routine is larded with irony and, as a consequence, utterly and pant-wettingly hilarious.

If stars were like football scores it would be 5–1 to Evans. Maybe booking Evans as support was Mack’s own goal.

Theatre Royal Brighton, 22 March JJJJJ Andrew Kay

JOHN HEGLEY: THE ADVENTURES OF MONSIEUR ROBINET He’s always entertaining, funny, quick and clever, and this evening of riddles, poems and observations with John Hegley was a joy. There were songs, too. And, amazingly, the apparently studious audience needed no encouragement to join in with the audience participation required. More lively interaction came later as an audience member was chosen to do simultaneous translations of poems in French from John's latest book, The Adventures Of Monsieur Robinet. Hegley was famously described by The Scotsman as ‘More Elvis Costello than Alan Bennett’; there are more and more echoes of Alan Bennett.

Komedia, 26 March JJJJJ Candy McNamara

TUNNG + ERLAND & THE CARNIVAL MARLENA SHAW With every Amy-come-lately being branded a soul diva, it was refreshing for Brighton’s soul connoisseurs to be treated to the real deal. With a super-tight British backing band kicking off with a funky ‘Cold Sweat’, Marlena strode on with a taster of ‘Wade In The Water’.

Focussing mostly on her classic ’70s repertoire, ‘Rhythm Of Love’ and ‘Feel Like Makin Love’ showed what a great jazz vocalist she still is, with scatting reminiscent of Ella and Betty Carter. Her gospel roots shone through on ‘Mercy Mercy Mercy’ and, despite being blinded by the spotlight, ‘California Soul’ was a triumphant end to an amazing set.

Concorde 2, 22 March JJJJJ Steve Clements

On a miserable Sunday night, Tunng’s sun-kissed dub-folk warmed a soggy but receptive crowd with career-spanning tracks including a singalong ‘Woodcat’ and Becky Jacobs’ melodica-led ‘By Dusk They Were In The City’. For me, though, the highlight was support band Erland & The Carnival. Their drum heavy, garage folkadelica sounded really fresh with all five members singing harmonies on updated traditional songs and beautifully-crafted originals. Their sound is a cross between Electric Prunes and Pentangle as on opening cover, ‘We Are The Carnival’, through to new single, ‘You Don’t Have to Be Lonely’. Solid proof that folk’s not dead!

Concorde 2, 28 March JJJJJ Steve Clements

RICHARD HERRING: THE HITLER MOUSTACHE

DANS LE SAC VS SCROOBIUS PIP

In his current show Richard Herring takes on racism and the recent rise of the BNP. These are not easy subjects for comedy but Herring handled them skilfully, taking a sideways approach that, while occasionally featuring trains of thought that flirted with causing offense, was never pointlessly shocking. It was, however, really, really funny. Much comic mileage was gained by analysing liberal attitudes to race and racial terms, culminating in a routine where Herring tied himself in knots over his rights or lack thereof to use such terms – one highlight in a show full of them.

Komedia, 24 March JJJJJ Simon Plotkin

London band Sound Of Rum opened, with rapper Kate Tempest enrapturing everybody from the off.

So refreshing to see such joyfulness and infectious excitement in this genre – watch out for them. Then followed rapper/slam poet, B Dolan, a wonderful mix of social commentary and pure clowning. As always, Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip came out and delivered the goods effortlessly.

A pleasing mix from Angles and the new album, The Logic Of Chance.

Scroobius Pip’s intensity and enthusiasm prevailed as the duo properly rocked the place. You cannot fail to be absorbed by their blend of uplifting beats and powerful poetry.

Concorde 2, 29 March JJJJJ Angela Barnes

Do you disagree with our verdict on one of these shows? comment@thelatest.co.uk

LIFE LESSONS HISTORY BOYS Theatre Royal Brighton 29 March JJJJJ

Y

ou see the name Alan Bennett and there is immediately a level of expectation. It’s hardly surprising – he is an immense talent, intellectual, social commentator and wit. He is also an entertainer, and as such he is brilliantly positioned to convey ideas and ideals.

The History Boys is a play about both. At the centre is Hector, the idealist teacher. Hector cares more about the boy’s intellectual and emotional growth than he does about them passing exams. The boys love Hector and, although they perhaps do not see his real motivation, they respect his approach to learning and revel in his colourful methods.

The headmaster has other ideas; obsessed with leagues, he wants Oxbridge success and employs a young academic, Irwin, as tutor. It is, however, not that simple; Hector is homosexual and as it turns out, so is Irwin. Of course the adolescent boys are a heaving mass of hormonal change. Posner is awakening to his own homosexuality and is brilliantly and movingly played in this revival by James Byng. He also leads most of the well placed songs with a voice like gold. Dakin, the school sex god played by Kyle Redmond-Jones, is screwing the headmaster’s secretary but is also aware that he has sexual power over men too, and he is prepared to exercise that power. Rob Delaney as Scripps has God. He

has God pinned down, I should say.

All eight young actors are excellent but these three are sensational.

Gerard Murphy comes to the part Richard Griffiths made his own and brings to it a vulnerability and sadness that outweighs any bluster and pomposity. Truly tragic, his Hector is a deeply moving portrayal of a man bound into marriage by convention, into teaching by necessity, and who as a result is unfulfilled sexually and intellectually. Ben Lambert is excellent as Irwin, the closeted tutor, not ready to face his own sexuality.

Amongst the testosterone is Mrs Lintott. Penelope Beaumont’s performance is superbly measured, all-seeing and never surprised by the antics of the boys or the male staff, and she is utterly dismissive of the appalling headmaster played with a chilling lack of heart by Thomas Wheatley.

Bennett turns his audience inside out with arguments and counter arguments. The value of art, the value of education and certainly the value of exams are all brought into question. But perhaps beneath all this is the most important question: how we value each other as human beings. In the end the staff and boys alike are equally cruel, equally ruthless and equally vulnerable, too. The great talent is that Bennett can show us this whilst entertaining us.

Andrew Kay

>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance?

Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk

030_LS469_Sports-TV_Column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 01/04/2010 15:15 Page 2

30

SPORT | TV

L7 TV

L7 Sport

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE

86 – 12 APRIL8

Telly Talk

Always picked last Andrea Fox goes American Rumble Wrestling

With Victoria Nangle

A

In the family way

pparently in Brighton nothing says ‘Happy Mothers Day’ like a trip to see some wrestling. In a back room at the Brighton Centre, I experienced my first taste of American Rumble Wrestling, which involves chucking contestants out of the ring to win, and some good old tag team action.

Wrestling, or fake-fighting between two professionals for payment, is often considered one of the oldest sports still in existence, probably because we've been beating each other since we learned to walk upright.

But in the UK, wrestling hasn't always had the popularity it's enjoyed in America or even Japan.

Even now I’m still not sure what makes ‘American Rumble Wrestling’ American, but I’m guessing the name. What I actually got to watch was a beautiful piece of odd English entertainment.

“Poor guys. They’ve got it bad enough with the outfits: imagine pantomime dame and minimise the amount of material used” Taking our seats and looking around at the crowd of excitable kids and slightly less interested parents, my fears were confirmed. I am not the target market for lycra-clad men. Surprisingly, 10year-old boys made up a captive audience, and the judges did nothing to stop the rampaging young boys from screaming and waving their foam fingers at the poor fighting grown men in their funny little costumes. Poor guys. They’ve got it bad enough with the outfits: imagine pantomime dame and minimise the amount of material used and you’re nearly there.

The wrestlers had names as beefy as their arms, things like Danny Driscal and Chris Kay, and there was even a Robbie Williams. I didn’t hear anyone making any ‘Angels’ jokes. The looks of pain on the wrestlers’ faces aren’t that believable but the thuds of the springy board of the ring and the rehearsed cries of terror certainly convince. RADA training needed, but I’m not going to tell the wrestlers that to their faces.

For me, the most amusing part was the creatively worded familyfriendly shouts of encouragement: “COME ON YOU SCUMBAGS, WHO IS THE BEST?” Scumbags? Last used as a cuss by pirates in 1700.

The crowd enjoyed themselves, though I’m sure some of the mums in the audience would have preferred a face pack and day in. If you have sons who like chucking each other over the sofa then take them along to this and they can pick up some new tips. I left thinking, my brother would have loved that as a kid, and our mum would never have taken him, because she didn’t approve of the fighting. I think I’m turning into my mother because it turns out I don’t approve of the fighting either.

Listen to The Guy & Andrea Breakfast Show on Brighton’s Juice 107.2 every Monday to Friday from 7am Andrea Fox is on a mission to find a sport that sticks.

What should she try next? comment@thelatest.co.uk

T

he saying goes, ‘never work with animals or children’. I suppose it all depends how good the animals and children are at their jobs. And how good the team surrounding them are too. What I think I’m really saying is – it depends if you’re working with the Outnumbered team.

The nifty thing about this award-winning comedy programme is the kids.

They get to be centre stage without being brats. Well, anymore than your average kids are ever shown up as brats when you deny them chocolate biscuits on a weekly shop. The kids are great, from the seven-year-old, academically competitive Karen to the ‘boisterous’ middle child Ben, and the moody, mobile-addicted teenager Jake. When Karen argues with her Dad, Pete, that she’s only seven so is still learning – whereas he’s ‘older’ so should’ve learnt not to lose his temper – there’s really no arguing with such logic. Or Ben’s convoluted reasoning about how to introduce the lions to Trafalgar Square in an appropriately British way, as, ‘you don’t find lions in fields in Kent’.

It’s fair to say that the partimprovised nature of this programme, combined with the generous nature of the adult actors in letting the kids shine, is to thank for these gems. It allows the quirkiness of ‘kids’ stories’ to come through and prompt bellowy laughs without seeming contrived. We all have those stories from our own kids/nephews/nieces/mate’s kid/cousin: my niece loves vinegar so much she sucks it off the lettuce leaves in the grown up salad, presents it to an adult, and then asks why you’re not eating it. The trick is telling them without it sounding made up.

Also, doing so without a laughter track. Family comedies are not a new idea. My Family has been going for years and has picked up various accolades along the way, but is an entirely different beast from Outnumbered. My Family has its laughter track, relies on older kids, and the parents are the stars. They get themselves into increasingly bizarre situations and have a gag per minute rate. Outnumbered takes the kids on a day out in London and looks like harassed parents trying to stop each child running off in a geometrically opposed direction.

No laughter track, just a conversation with a child.

To be honest, I didn’t watch the first series, or the start of the second, as I was fed up with everyone saying how good it was.

Anything that’s that highly acclaimed has a strong possibility of being Emperor’s New Clothes and I hate feeling like a numpty. Like when I try and see those magic eye posters and just look half blind with squinting. I’m glad someone foisted it upon me though, and that there’s a new series starting this week. We’re going back to the start and finding comedy in what’s there naturally.

Who needs to contrive to have three people on a window ledge when there are bronze lions to play with?

Outnumbered series 3 starts on Thursday 8 April. follow me on twitter

latestvicky

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031_LS469_TV_Tues_031_LS469_TV_Tues.qxd 01/04/2010 14:46 Page 1

tuesday 6 Touched By Frost: Goodbye Jack ITV1, 8.30pm A celebration of detective series A Touch Of Frost, marking the end of one of TV’s best-loved shows.

The film takes viewers behind the cameras as the emotional final scenes with DI Jack Frost are captured. With contributions from Sir Jason. Bye Frost, you will be sorely missed. Sniff.

Heston’s Chocolate Factory Feast Channel 4, 9pm Foodie scientist Heston Blumenthal takes a trip back to the 1960s as he serves a meal inspired by Charlie And The Chocolate Factory including lickable wallpaper, a magic mushroom dish and a waterfall complete with edible rocks.

Mmmm, chocolate...

One Born Every Minute More 4, 9pm Tracy is upbeat about the birth of her fourth child until the baby’s heart rate slows and the midwife must hurry to deliver it quickly.

Meanwhile, nervous first-time mother Lisa is even more frightened when she learns she will need a caesarean section and that her baby’s first few days will be spent in an incubator.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.15 Gigglebiz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.55 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 SMart 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Topical reports and features from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders Billie is determined to serve his country, but furious Carol has other ideas. Syed and Amira’s windfall moves them away from Zainab, and Leon shows Zsa Zsa his romantic side. Swit swoo.

8.00 Holby City Oliver’s attempts to soothe a brutal hangover are quashed by a playful Sacha, and Michael realises it’s finally time to oust Vanessa once and for all.

9.00 MasterChef: The Final Three It’s the penultimate test for the three MasterChef finalists. Pinafore wars.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Man Who Cycled The Americas The final episode sees Mark battle mentally and physically through the landscapes of South America. No stabilisers required.

11.25 FILM: The Hard Way (1991) Comedy about a pampered movie star who is desperate to land the lead role in a new police thriller.

1.10am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 1.15 Sign Zone 1.45 Sign Zone: Priceless Antiques Roadshow 2.15 Sign Zone: Mastercrafts 3.15 Sign Zone: Bang Goes The Theory 3.45 Sign Zone: Ali Abbas: Back To Baghdad Documentary 4.35 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Me Too! 6.40 Clifford’s Puppy Days 7.00 Green Balloon Scrapbook 7.25 Finley The Fire Engine 7.40 Kerwhizz 8.00 Pinky And Perky 8.15 ChuckleVision 8.30 Copycats 9.00 Planet Ajay 9.30 The Slammer 10.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 10.30 Prank Patrol 10.55 Dennis & Gnasher 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 FILM: It Happened One Night (1934) 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Great British Menu Which dish is going to fly the flag for Scotland? Will it be cock-a-leekie terrine, pigeon salad or Scotch pie?

Deep fried Mars bar for pud.

6.30 Great British Menu The Scottish chefs are all fighting for supremacy in the fish course. Will it be lobster cocktail cooked four ways, lobster with vegetables, or mussels and langoustine with sorrel soup and tattie scones? Yes, all of it please.

7.00 Wonders Of The Solar System Professor Brian Cox describes how the laws of nature have carved natural wonders across the solar system.

8.00 Grow Your Own Drugs Ethnobotanist James Wong investigates plant based medicine.

8.30 The Delicious Miss Dahl Sophie Dahl shares the recipes that remind her of home and the tastes and sensations of her youth.

9.00 Great Ormond Street Focusing on the work of the largest children’s cardiac unit in the UK. 10.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz returns.

10.30 Newsnight Stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 Mad Men Paul is forced to face up to reality.

12.10am Tropic Of Cancer Simon Reeve continues his epic journey.

1.10 BBC News BBC 3.15 The Super League Show 4.00 GCSE Bitesize

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Divided

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Zak has some tough words for Olena. Rhinoceros.

7.30 Children’s Hospital 14-year-old DJ Lockley has lived on a kidney machine for nine hours a day, six days a week for six months. He needs a new kidney, which his mother has agreed to donate, but there is a risk his body could reject it.

8.00 Touched By Frost: Goodbye Jack See highlights 9.00 Law & Order: UK Dr Alec Merrick is accused of sexually assaulting one of his patients.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers This edition looks at the story of Victorian ‘Black Widow’ Mary Ann Cotton, who was hanged in 1873 after been convicted of just one murder, but who may have been responsible for the deaths of up to 21 members of her own family. Nice.

11.35 River Monsters Jeremy Wade discovers first hand that as a consequence of a science experiment gone wrong, the Wels catfish is growing to man-eating proportions, and is capable of everything depicted in medieval records – and more.Gulp.

12.30am Guinness Premiership Rugby Craig Doyle and Martin Bayfield present all the action 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Coach Trip 9.25 Hollyoaks Music Show 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Small Railway Journeys 12.20 Location, Location, Location 1.20 FILM: High Society (1956) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons Hallowe’en special. Wooooaaaah.

6.30 Hollyoaks Kris turns up in unsuitable clothes on his first day as a mentor at Hollyoaks High and Lauren is horrified. Yoiks!

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 38-year-old Emma Frost, who is just over six stone, meets 23-year-old Scott Hastie, a midnight muncher.

9.00 Heston’s Chocolate Factory Feast See highlights.

10.00 Shameless Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate. Liam finds solace in a new friendship with World War II veteran Reggie. Unfortunately, when Libby spies on Liam and his new friend, she quickly jumps to the wrong conclusions.

11.05 Dylan Moran: What It Is The award-winning Irish comedian and star of Black Books performs a stand-up show in Sydney.

12.10am Betfair World Series Of Poker Action from the World Series.

1.10 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 1.40 Mobil 1 The Grid 2.10 KOTV Boxing Weekly Top 2.35 World Sport 3.05 FIVB Beach Volleyball World Tour 4.00 GT Academy 4.25 Freesports On 4 4.50 Grudge Match 5.10 Year Dot Television 5.30 Lifeproof

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 8.05 Children’s television 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 The Milky And Shake Show 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Hana’s Helpline 9.20 Olivia 9.30 FILM: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) 11.15 Zoo Days 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.45 CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Fielder’s Choice (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Martha decides to keep quiet about Xavier’s money, but the discovery causes her to reminisce about Hugo.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted.

7.30 Chinese Food In Minutes Two London taxi drivers experiment with spicy flavours and chilli-based ingredients. Kebab on the back seat.

8.00 Egypt’s Lost Tomb: Revealed Tomb KV63 was the first ancient tomb to be discovered in the valley since Howard Carter unearthed Tutankhamen’s tomb in 1922.

The burial site, next door to Tut’s, revealed a golden casket which archaeologists believe could be that of the legendary pharaoh’s child bride. Ooh mummy!

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The sudden death of a high-school student leads to the discovery of a dead cheerleader in a tree. Scrumping is dangerous.

10.00 CSI: Miami Drama based on the work of forensic investigators.

11.00 CSI: NY The CSIs struggle to solve the seemingly random shooting of a woman in the street.

12.00am The FBI Files Documentary series. 1.00 SuperCasino Live 4.05 Wildlife SOS 4.30 Wildlife SOS 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Football League 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm Netbusters 12.30 Football League 2.00 SPL Round-Up 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Football League 5.00 SPL RoundUp 5.30 Netbusters 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 School Of Hard Knocks 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Revista De La Liga 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.00 Revista De La Liga 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.30 Football: UEFA Champions League

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Super League 9.30 PGA Tour Classic 10.30 PGA Tour Golf 11.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 1.00pm PGA Tour Classic 2.00 British Carp Angling Championships 3.00 TBA 5.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 7.30 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure 11.30 Licence To Le Mans 12.30am Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 2.00 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure 3.00 World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Licence To Le Mans 5.00 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure

Sky Sports 3 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Aero GP 7.30 Snow Ride 8.00 Licence To Le Mans 9.00 Sports Unlimited 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 11.30 Aero GP 12.00am Sports Unlimited 1.00 Asian Tour Golf 2.00 British Carp Angling Championships 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 The Premiership Years Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Cold Case 2.00 A Town Called Eureka (x2) 4.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 UK Border Force (x2) 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Lost 12.00am Oops TV 1.00 Road Wars 1.50 Inside: Supercops 2.40 Cold Case

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 FILM: Shark Tale (2004) 9.20 Little Britain Abroad 9.50 Great Movie Mistakes 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Gemma Factor 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Coming Of Age (x2) 12.45am The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 1.45 Girls On The Frontline 2.45 The Gemma Factor

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Walk On By 8.20 Nina Simone: A Tribute 9.05 Legends 10.05 The Rodgers And Hart Story 11.00 Meet Sammy Davis Jnr 11.45 A History Of Christianity 12.45am Legends 1.45 Walk On By 2.35 The Rodgers And Hart Story 3.30 Nina Simone: A Tribute 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 American Idol: 10 Finalists 6.00 American Idol: Results 7.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 FILM: Vanity Fair (2004) 12.50am Teenage Cancer Trust Concert 2010

12.40pm Heartbeat 1.50 Born And Bred 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 On The Buses 5.35 Heartbeat 6.45 Born And Bred 7.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.05am Hornblower 2.00 Upstairs, Downstairs 2.50 Film File 3.00 Teleshopping

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 11.00 Shameless 12.10am How I Met Your Mother

3.20pm A Place In The Sun: 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 One Born Every Minute 10.00 True Stories: Starsuckers 12.00am One Born Every Minute See highlights

2.00pm Four Weddings (x2) 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Celebrity Four Weddings 9.00 Cougar Town 9.30 Cougar Town 10.00 Drop Dead Diva 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Weaponology 3.00 World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 9.00 Deadliest Catch 10.00 Alaska: Surviving The Last Frontier 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

1.00pm FILM: Jack Hunter: The Star Of Heaven (2008) 3.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 6.10 FILM: Meteor Storm (2010) 8.00 Eastwick 9.00 Eastwick 10.00 FILM: Knock Off (1998) 11.50 FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 1.40am Buffy The Vampire Slayer 3.00 Mysterious Ways

12.00pm The Blue Max (1966) 2.40 Paint Your Wagon (1969) 5.25 The Out-of-Towners (1970) 7.10 Drums Along The Mohawk (1939) 9.00 Bob And Carol And Ted And Alice (1969) 10.50 Marnie (1964) 1.10am Kiss Of Death (1947) 2.50 Junior Bonner (1972)

12.00pm Chaplin (1992) 2.30 I Think I Love My Wife (2007) 4.10 Things We Lost In The Fire (2007) 6.10 Burn After Reading (2008) 7.50 No Country For Old Men (2007) 10.00 Choke (2008) 11.40 The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008) 2.15am Blindness (2008) 4.30 35mm

12.45pm Pony Express (1953) 2.45 Destination Moon (1950) 4.35 Great Expectations (1946) 6.55 Matthew Vaughn On Kick-Ass 7.00 Taxi (2004) 8.50 Tilda Swinton On I Am Love 9.00 Control (2007) 11.20 24 Hour Party People (2001) 1.35am Kissing Jessica Stein (2001) 3.30 Close

9.20am The Screening Room 10.20 The Fortune Cookie (1966) 1.00pm Paris Blues (1961) 3.00 Gentlemen Marry Brunettes (1955) 4.55 Cold Turkey (1971) 6.55 Rich In Love (1993) 9.00 Women In Love (1969) 11.20 At Close Range (1986) 1.30am The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane (1976)

5.00pm Heroes Of Comedy: Kenny Everett 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Porridge 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 The Royle Family 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.10 Men Behaving Badly 11.50 The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer 12.30am The Royle Family

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.45 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.45am Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee

Classics

Indie

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032_LS469_TV_Weds_032_LS469_TV_Weds.qxd 01/04/2010 14:41 Page 1

wednesday 7 Who Needs Fathers?

BBC2, 9pm The second film about the experience of parents in the Family Courts looks behind the statistic that half of all contact orders are broken.

Media attention has focused on Fathers for Justice and their rooftop protests, but there are thousands of ordinary fathers losing contact with their children.

Embarrassing Bodies: Charlotte’s Story Channel 4, 9pm One-off special chronicling Charlotte Wilson’s progress since she appeared on the show in ‘08.

After consulting an immunologist, the youngster is told she needs a new immune system and therefore a bone marrow transplant. Follow Charlotte’s journey for suitable donors.

Gossip Girl ITV2, 9pm Chuck and Blair’s relationship is tested when they must make the hardest decision they have ever faced as a couple. Serena organises a surprise birthday party for Nate, but Jenny tries to undermine her efforts – whoopee cushions on all the seats? And Dan and Vanessa’s relationship hits an obstacle. Sounds painful.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.15 Gigglebiz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.55 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Deadly 60 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Topical reports and features from around the UK. 7.30 Life Of Riley When Maddy’s ex-husband Robbie gets a young, trendy new girlfriend, Maddy cannot help setting herself up in competition.

8.00 Waterloo Road Rachel’s determined to put last term behind her but an incident with a pupil makes her realise it’s not enough to just educate; the school needs to attend to emotional health too.

9.00 MasterChef: The Final Three First, the finalists are back where they started. Then they travel to three of Europe’s finest three Michelin starred restaurants to cook a busy lunch, before cooking for John and Gregg.

At the end, one of them will be crowned MasterChef 2010.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Money, money, money.

10.45 Question Time Including the Foreign Secretary, David Miliband.

11.45 This Week A political review of the week presented. 12.30am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.35 Sign Zone: Priceless Antiques Roadshow 1.05 Sign Zone: Private Life Of An Easter Masterpiece 1.55 Sign Zone: MasterChef 2.55 Sign Zone: Empire Of The Seas: How The Navy Forged The Modern World

BBC2

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Me Too! 6.40 Clifford’s Puppy Days 7.00 Green Balloon Scrapbook 7.25 Finley The Fire Engine 7.40 Kerwhizz 8.00 Pinky And Perky 8.15 ChuckleVision 8.30 Copycats 9.00 Planet Ajay 9.30 The Slammer 10.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 10.30 Prank Patrol 10.55 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Coast 1.35 FILM: Tuck Everlasting (2002) 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Cracking quiz show.

6.30 Great British Menu The country’s top chefs are competing to cook at a fabulous banquet and the pressure is on, as the host will be HRH the Prince of Wales.

Send out for pizza. Far easier.

7.00 The Secret Life Of The Airport This part navigates from the imperial glamour of Britain’s first airport terminal at Croydon to the internationally-agreed hieroglyphics on today’s taxiways and runways.

8.00 The Edible Garden Alys Fowler attempts to avoid shop-bought fruit and vegetables and live off her own, home-grown produce. Get digging.

8.30 Cracking Antiques Rebekah Prince from Essex longs for an opulent French bedroom with the wow factor. Saucy.

9.00 Who Needs Fathers?

See highlights.

9.50 Coast No pigeons, no morse code; yet in 1826, messages were sent from Holyhead to Liverpool in seconds. Smoke signals?

10.00 QI Quiz where the guests get more points for being interesting.

10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Golf: The Masters 2009 Review The glory and the green jacket eventually went to Angel Cabrera of Argentina after a play-off, although Perry is probably still wondering how victory slipped away.

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Divided

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity and Cain attempt their first car theft for money, but will it be over before it begins?

7.30 UEFA Champions League: Manchester United V Bayern Munich Old Trafford sees a rerun of the dramatic 1999 Champions League final in which Manchester United came from behind to snatch an astonishing late victory against Bayern Munich. The prize at stake this time may not be the trophy itself, but whoever comes out on top will meet the winner of the all-French quarterfinal between Lyon and Bordeaux for a place in the final in Madrid.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League Extra Time Who will make it to the semi-finals of the Champions League?

Arsenal have a tricky away trip to Barcelona, Manchester United play host to Bayern Munich, Bordeaux face French rivals Lyon and CSKA Moscow play Inter Milan.

11.35 Cops With Cameras More footage of the UK’s police forces from the heart of the action.

12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime On patrol with police forces across the country.

1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Coach Trip 9.25 Hollyoaks Music Show 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.30 Location, Location, Location 1.30 FILM: Magic In The Water (1995) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons Homer befriends a group of Hollywood celebrities.

6.30 Hollyoaks Cheryl is freaked by Carmel’s mood. Spencer is questioned by the police. Tensions run high between Tony and Cindy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Property advice for househunters, with Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp.

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies: Charlotte’s Story See highlights 10.00 Bruce Forsyth: A Comedy Roast Well-known showbiz luminaries including Jack Dee, Jonathan Ross, Jason Manford, Jon Culshaw, Sean Lock and Barry Cryer – plus Forsyth’s wife Wilnelia – gather to celebrate the veteran game show host in a ‘comedy roast’. Bonus.

11.05 Sean Lock: Stand Up Sean Lock performs in front of a packed house at the Hammersmith Apollo.

12.10am Shameless Repeat of yesterday’s show. 1.10 4 Music: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions Series celebrating live music in the UK with a run of special gigs recorded at The Hospital Club in London. Featuring a performance from the Rumble Strips.

1.25 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 3.10 The War At Home 3.35 St Elsewhere 4.20 Year Dot 4.50 Lifeproof TV 5.20 Countdown

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 8.05 Children’s television 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 The Milky And Shake Show 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Hana’s Helpline 9.20 Olivia 9.30 FILM: S Club: Seeing Double (2003) 11.20 Zoo Days 11.45 CSI: NY12.40pm Five News 12.45 CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.00 FILM: Secrets Of An Undercover Wife (2006) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Annie comes up with a crazy plan to make Romeo feel more comfortable in women’s clothing. Chicken fillets no doubt.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show 7.30 Heads Or Tails Gameshow presented by Justin Lee Collins in which contestants stand to win one million pounds on the toss of a coin.

8.00 The Business Inspector Hilary comes to the rescue of a haulage firm and a health spa.

9.00 NCIS Ducky is attacked at a crime scene by an Afghan woman who claims he murdered her brother.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. When Logan and Barek investigate a series of home invasions that result in grisly murders, their search leads them to a local foster mother.

11.00 Numb3rs The FBI attempts to track down a murderer targeting men who solicit prostitutes. Initially the agents assume that their culprit fits the typical serial killer mould, but some surprising DNA evidence forces them to reassess their theories.

11.55 PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open IV Action from the PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open IV. 12.55am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming featuring roulette, blackjack and autowheel. 4.05 Wildlife SOS 4.30 Wildlife SOS 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football: Champions League 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 PokerStars 12.00pm Boots ‘n’ All 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 Football: Champions League 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.30 Football: Champions League 5.00 Revista De La Liga 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 European Tour Weekly 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 TBA 11.00 Inside The PGA Tour 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Football: Champions League 1.00 ERC 15: European Rugby Reflections 2.00 Elite League Speedway 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 Football: Champions League

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.30 Aero GP 10.00 Motocross 11.00 Football: Champions League 11.30 Football Asia 12.00pm Licence To Le Mans 1.00 Football: Champions League 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 British Carp Angling Championships 3.00 PokerStars 4.00 Asian Tour Golf 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Total Rugby 6.00 TBA 7.00 LIVE Football: Champions League 10.00 Football: Champions League 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 PokerStars 2.00 Athletics 3.00 You’re On Sky Sports 4.30 TBA 5.30 Inside The PGA Tour

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Revista De La Liga 7.00 The Premiership Years 9.00 Licence To Le Mans 10.00 Asian Tour Golf 11.00 Aero GP 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Pool 2.00 Motocross 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE 7.00 Athletics 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Inside The PGA Tour 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 European Tour Weekly 1.00 Max Power 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Total Rugby Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser: Australia 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 A Town Called Eureka (x2) 4.00 Brainiac 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Child Frozen In Time 9.00 The Real A & E 10.00 A League Of Their Own 10.30 FILM: Ghost (1990) 12.55am Inside... 1.50 Road Wars

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes 7.10 Total Wipeout Fast Forward 7.40 FILM: Over The Hedge (2006) 9.00 Great Movie Mistakes 12.00am Family Guy (x2) 12.45 Waterloo Road 1.45 Great Movie Mistakes 4.45 The Gemma Factor 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Legends: Matt Monro - The Man With The Golden Voice 8.30 The Sky At Night 9.00 Beautiful Minds 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 FILM: JFK (1991) 1.45am Beautiful Minds 2.45 The Sky At Night 3.15 Legends: Matt Monro - The Man With The Golden Voice 5.30 Close

12.30 Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x2) 6.30 The Prodigy: The Hot Desk 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 American Idol 9.00 Gossip Girl See highlights 10.00 American Idol 11.00 FILM: Basic Instinct (1992) 1.30am Emmerdale

8.30am Upstairs, Downstairs (x2) 10.40 Hornblower 12.40pm Heartbeat 1.50 Born And Bred 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 On The Buses 5.35 Heartbeat 6.45 Born And Bred 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.05am Hornblower

2.35pm Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) 11.20 The Cleveland Show 11.50 King Of The Hill 12.20am How I Met Your Mother 12.50 Scrubs (x2)

2.20pm Come Dine With Me 2.50 Coach Trip 3.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 The Minoans 11.05 Time Team 12.10am The Good Wife 1.05 The Minoans

12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Exposed: Victoria Beckham 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Medium 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Alaska: Surviving The Last Frontier 2.00 Elite Forces 3.00 World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Saving Ronald Reagan 11.00 Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: City On Fire (2008) 3.20 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 6.20 FILM: Dragon Hunter (2008) 8.10 FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 10.00 FILM: Paycheck (2003) 12.20am FILM: Knock Off (1998) 2.10 3rd Rock From The Sun

11.15am Hondo (1953) 12.45pm Pacific Profile John Basilone 1.00 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969) 2.50 The Producers (1968) 4.35 For Whom The Bell Tolls (1943) 7.15 The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 9.00 Hondo (1953) 10.30 Marty (1955) 12.10am For Whom The Bell Tolls (1943)

8.00am Doubt (2008) 9.50 Angel (2007) 11.50 Bart Got A Room (2008) 1.20pm There Will Be Blood (2007) 4.00 I’m Not There (2007) 6.20 Adulthood (2008) 8.10 Doubt (2008) 10.00 Be Kind Rewind (2008) 11.45 Serial Mom (1994) 1.25am Pacific Profile - John Basilone 1.40 Adulthood (2008)

11.00am The Ten Commandments (1956) 3.15pm Saddle The Wind (1958) 4.55 White Feather (1955) 7.00 Matthew Vaughn On Kick-Ass 7.05 The Italian Job (1969) 9.00 Enemy At The Gates (2001) 11.35 Alfie (1966) 1.45am Kama Sutra: A Tale Of Love (1996) 4.00 Close

9.00am Cold Turkey (1971) 11.00 Rich In Love (1993) 1.00pm A Rumor Of Angels (1999) 3.00 The Apartment (1960) 5.25 The Screening Room 6.15 Of Mice And Men (1992) 8.20 The Screening Room 9.00 Network (1976) 11.30 Betrayed (1954) 2.00am Chuck Jones: Memories Of Childhood

4.55pm Only Fools And Horses 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Porridge 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 The Royle Family 10.00 Gavin And Stacey 10.40 Absolutely Fabulous 11.20 Jo Brand: Like It Or Lump It 11.55 The Comic Strip Presents... 12.35am The Royle Family

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Grouchy Young Men 10.30 South Park 11.00 Sex And The City (x2) 12.15am Two And A Half Men (x2) 1.15 South Park

Classics

Indie

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033_LS469_TV_Thurs_tv 01/04/2010 16:02 Page 1

thursday 8 Museum Of Life BBC2, 8pm Jimmy Doherty goes behind the scenes at the Natural History Museum to discover the lengths people go to to add new and rare species to the collection. A team of scientists uncover unexplored jungle in Panama, pioneers find new sea species, and colossal squid turns up at the museum.

Wonder if it caught the tube.

Sharon Osbourne: A Comedy Roast Channel 4, 10pm Comic talent and celebrities including Jimmy Carr, Louis Walsh, Gok Wan, Alan Carr, Patrick Kielty and Keith Lemon gather to pay tribute to Ozzie’s missus Sharon Osbourne in the form a comedy ‘roast’. Bet Shazzer will insist on tons of gravy and the crispiest spuds.

Abbey Clancy’s Parent Trip ITV2, 9pm Brand new series in which three celebs and their parents leave their home comforts to embark on an adventure. Model and WAG Abbey Clancy goes to the Thar Desert in India with her mum Karen. They live with a family of gypsy dancers while trying to cope with life in the desert. That sand does get everywhere.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.15 Gigglebiz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.55 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Horrible Histories 4.35 Relic: Guardians Of The Museum 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Topical reports and features from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders Danny plays Ronnie and Roxy off against each other, and Janine and Ryan try in vain to lead a normal life. Janine...normal? Hmm. 8.00 Traffic Cops The traffic cops in Cardiff get a little help from snoopers trying to call time on a suspected drink-driver, but it’s the Rolling Stone lookalike motorist who gets the last laugh. Is his name Angie?

9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz returns.

9.30 Outnumbered The awardwinning comedy returns, as Gran takes the Brockman family for a day’s sightseeing in London. Karen is unimpressed with modern art, Jake suffers serious trauma when he is unable to text, and one of the family uses a visit to HMS Belfast for a brief re-enactment of World War II. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Golf: The Masters 2010 Coverage of the Masters from Augusta. Four!

12.40am Holiday Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.45 Sign Zone: Priceless Antiques Roadshow 1.15 Sign Zone: MasterChef 2.15 Sign Zone: Countryfile 3.10 Sign Zone: Tropic Of Cancer 4.10 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Me Too! 6.40 Clifford’s Puppy Days 7.00 Green Balloon Scrapbook 7.25 Finley The Fire Engine 7.40 Kerwhizz 8.00 Pinky And Perky 8.15 ChuckleVision 8.30 Copycats 9.00 Planet Ajay 9.30 The Slammer 10.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 10.30 Prank Patrol 10.55 Dennis & Gnasher 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 FILM: Adventures Of Tom Thumb And Thumbelina (2002) 1.40 Racing From Aintree 4.35 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Brainiacs answering questions.

6.30 Great British Menu It’s the last chance for the Scottish chefs to show they’ve got what it takes to win. So which dessert will deliver the sweet smell of success? Jam roly-poly?

7.00 The Secret Life Of The Airport This part explores the golden age of jet travel, when ‘money, tickets, passport’ became the mantra of the moving masses.

8.00 Museum Of Life See highlights 9.00 Golf: The Masters 2010 Hazel Irvine presents live coverage of the Masters, the first golf major of 2010.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 The British Family: Our History Kirsty Young looks at how British families have changed since World War II by exploring the impact of the sexual revolution. She charts the explosion of sexual imagery and ideas in the 1970s, examining how they affected family values. Sexual liberation was tested in the early 1980s when the first cases of AIDS mushroomed into dire warnings.

12.20am BBC News BBC Two joins the BBC’s rolling news channel, with bulletins on the hour and the headlines every 15 minutes. 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Science

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Divided

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Aaron is unimpressed when Scarlett tries to fix him up. Charity enjoys being able to flash the cash. Flash then splash.

7.30 The Election Uncovered: Tonight ITV’s Tom Bradby investigates the prospects of a hung parliament and reveals which seats could be decisive to the final result.

8.00 Emmerdale Marlon becomes suspicious about what is happening between Aaron and Paddy. Natasha confesses to Maisie they are broke.

Get a loan from Charity, she’s flush.

8.30 Coronation Street Lewis is forced to choose between Audrey and Rita. Hard one Lewis.

9.00 The Bill: Great Responsibility In the aftermath of the football riot and the death of Yusef Hanoush, the team are under fire from the media, which speculates both that the police’s kettling of fans contributed to Yusef’s death, and also that the killing was race-related.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Car Crime UK Last in series.

11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency Cameras follow fire crews and paramedics.

12.30am In Plain Sight Drama about a US Marshal. 1.15 Loose Women 3.20 The Election Uncovered: Tonight 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.05am – 7.30 Children’s television 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Coach Trip 9.25 Hollyoaks Music Show 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 3 Minute Wonder: Loo Ladies 12.10 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.40 Location, Location, Location 1.40 FILM: Lassie, Come Home (1943) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons Homer embraces a new hippy heritage.

6.30 Hollyoaks Spencer is released from police custody. Cindy is furious, and her anger grows when Tony fails to support her. Gaz tries to win Lauren back. Duncan asks Darren for advice on seducing Suzanne. Really?

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Country House Rescue Whitbourne Hall in Worcester raise money for restorations. The ideas to raise cash are well received, and events such as luxury camping in the surrounding gardens are trialled.

9.00 How The Other Half Live The harsh reality of poverty in 21st century Britain is exposed in this flyon-the-wall documentary. The Abingdons, a wealthy family from the Cotswolds, come to the aid of a debtridden law graduate who has been forced to find work in a betting shop.

10.00 Sharon Osbourne: A Comedy Roast See highlights 11.05 Russell Brand Doing Life Filmed at London’s Hackney Empire during Russell Brand’s sell-out tour.

12.05am 4 Music: Evo Music 12.40 The Crush With KFC 1.10 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Comedy 1.55 I’m Running Sainsbury’s 2.50 St Elsewhere 3.35 Unreported World 4.00 Year Dot Television 4.30 Lifeproof TV 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Yo Gabba Gabba

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am – 8.05 Children’s television 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 The Milky And Shake Show 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Hana’s Helpline 9.20 Olivia 9.30 FILM: Time At The Top (1999) 11.30 Zoo Days 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.45 CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: Primal Secrets (1994) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Marilyn starts to experience disturbing dreams. They all involve Rabbit, and point towards something strange happening to Miles. Stew for tea?

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action from Anfield as Liverpool host Portuguese side Benfica for the second leg of their quarter-final tie.

10.15 FILM: Get Carter (1971) Starring Michael Caine. Hard-hitting British thriller about a London villain who makes the journey north to avenge the death of his brother. Not a lot of people know that.

12.25am FlashForward Sci-fi drama about a mysterious event that causes the population of the entire world to black out simultaneously. Demetri, Janis, Simon and Vogel travel to Somalia to investigate a mysterious tower. Along the way, they encounter a man who saw his fellow villagers black out in 1991. Bryce has shocking news for Nicole. Olivia attempts to get daughter Charlie to tell her what she saw in her flashforward.

1.25 SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 Wildlife SOS Documentary 4.30 Wildlife SOS Documentary 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 Boots ‘n’ All 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Elite League Speedway 1.00pm Football: UEFA Champions League 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 Elite League Speedway 5.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.30 The Rugby Club 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am The Rugby Club 1.00 Darts: Premier League 4.30 Time Of Our Lives 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Snow Ride 9.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 10.00 TBA 11.00 The Premiership Years 1.00pm Sorsa Project Snowboarding 1.30 Inside The PGA Tour 2.00 TBA 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 Rolex FEI World Cup Show Jumping 6.00 FEI Equestrian World 6.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 7.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.30 LIVE Irish Football 10.00 Race World 11.00 Championship Rugby League 1.00am Irish Football 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 Championship Rugby League 5.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass

Sky Sports 3 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Athletics 2.00 Football’s Next Star 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Football’s Next Star 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 LIVE Championship Rugby League 9.30 The Dogs 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 Rolex FEI World Cup Show Jumping 2.00 FEI Equestrian World 2.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 3.00 The Rugby Club 4.00 The Premiership Years Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

4.00pm Brainiac: Science Abuse 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 9.00 A League Of Their Own 9.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 10.00 Bones 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am A League Of Their Own 12.30 Oops TV

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 FILM: Flushed Away (2006) 9.20 Little Britain Abroad 9.50 Great Movie Mistakes 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Coming Of Age (x2) 12.45am Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 1.45 Russell Howard’s Good News 2.15 The Real Hustle Undercover

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 A Little Later: The Great American Songbook 8.15 FILM: Pal Joey (1957) 10.00 Wallander 11.30 Beautiful Minds 12.30am A History Of Christianity 1.30 Sacred Music 2.30 Only Connect 3.00 Beautiful Minds 5.30 Close

5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 7.30 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp 8.00 American Idol: Results 9.00 Abbey Clancy’s Parent Trip See highlights 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: The Holiday (2006) 1.30am Coronation Street 1.55 Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen USA

10.40am Hornblower 12.40pm Heartbeat 1.50 Born And Bred 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 On The Buses 5.35 Heartbeat 6.45 Born And Bred 7.55 The Darling Buds Of May 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.15am Hornblower 2.05 Brideshead Revisited

5.00pm Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 FILM: Final Destination 3 (2006) 12.20am How I Met Your Mother 12.45 Scrubs (x2) 1.45 The Inbetweeners

3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 The Closer 12.00am The Good Wife

2.00pm Four Weddings 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed 5.00 Charmed 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Drop Dead Diva 9.00 Grey’s Anatomy 10.00 Criminal Minds (x2) 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Extreme Loggers 10.00 Deadliest Catch 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: Nature Of The Beast (2005) 3.20 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 6.20 FILM: DragonQuest (2009) 8.00 Legend Of The Seeker 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: The Foreigner (2003) 11.50 FILM: The Marksman (2005) 1.50am Buffy The Vampire Slayer 3.00 Mysterious Ways

8.15am Pimpernel Smith (1941) 10.20 Night And The City (1950) 12.10pm Spartacus (1960) 3.20 35mm 3.50 Seven Days In May (1964) 5.55 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 8.00 Spartacus (1960) 11.10 Johnny Guitar (1954) 1.10am Mister 880 (1950) 2.50 Night And The City (1950)

8.00am Margot At The Wedding (2007) 9.40 The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 11.40 Milk (2008) 2.00pm Badlands (1973) 3.45 Julia (2008) 6.20 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 8.00 Milk (2008) 10.15 I’ve Loved You So Long (2008) 12.15am Rec (2007)

11.00am La Regle Du Jeu (1939) 1.05pm Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 3.00 Bad Day At Black Rock (1955) 4.40 Meet Me In St Louis (1944) 6.50 Rat Race (2001) 9.00 Brokeback Mountain (2004) 11.35 The Business (2005) 1.25am Suspiria (1976) 3.25 Tilda Swinton On I Am Love 3.35 Close

12.25pm The Screening Room 1.00 The Road To Hong Kong (1962) 3.00 The Children’s Hour (1961) 5.05 Eight Men Out (1988) 7.20 The Big Night (1951) 9.00 Jackie Chan’s First Strike (1996) 10.45 Bring Me The Head Of Alfredo Garcia (1974) 1.15am Jackie Chan’s First Strike (1996) 3.00 Teleshopping

3.00pm Waiting For God 3.40 My Family 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Peter Cook 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Porridge 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Gavin And Stacey 10.00 Victoria Wood Live At The Albert Hall 12.25am Jo Brand: Like It Or Lump It

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 FILM: Jersey Girl (1993) 12.00am Sex And The City (x2) 1.10 Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie

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034_LS469_TV_Fri_034_LS469_TV_Fri.qxd 01/04/2010 14:34 Page 1

friday 9 Ashes To Ashes BBC1, 9pm DC Chris Skelton opens CID’s post and discovers a human hand, DCI Gene Hunt and his team find they have a murder to solve. The only defining feature on the severed limb is a strange burn mark. The team discover a string of women have been murdered – each with the same burn. Oven mitts a good idea?

Dispatches: Tracing The Marathon’s Millions Channel 4, 8pm Documentary investigating the money matters behind the London Marathon, which raised £47m last year. Journalist Ben Laurance finds out what it costs to stage the event, how much money it generates and who receives the money raised.

Blister-bursting stuff.

The Vampire Diaries ITV2, 8pm Damon goes to Georgia to see a witch who may help with his plan to resurrect Katherine; wicked witch of the southeast doesn’t have the same ring really. Stefan reveals a shocking secret about Elena’s past. And Alaric’s motives for being in Mystic Falls become clear. Fang-tastic supernatural US drama.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.15 Gigglebiz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.55 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 4.35 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Topical reports and features from around the UK. 7.30 A Question Of Sport Guests are Arsenal striker Andrey Arshavin, Olympic boxing champion James Degale, England rugby star Tom Croft and Winter Olympic gold medallist Amy Williams.

8.00 EastEnders Christian resolves to sort things out with Syed, as Carol begins to shift on the idea of Billie the soldier. And Danny and Glenda plot to take the Mitchells for all they’ve got. Bald heads?

8.30 Outtake TV Rufus Hound brings his own irreverent humour to an all new collection of outtakes from the world of TV. 9.00 Ashes To Ashes See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Golf: The Masters 2010 More live coverage from the Masters in Augusta, where players will be battling to avoid the cut and ensure they can return for the weekend’s final two rounds.

12.40am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.45 Sign Zone: MasterChef 1.15 Sign Zone: Jonathan Creek 2.50 Sign Zone: Priceless Antiques Roadshow 3.20 Sign Zone: Secrets For Sale 4.05 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Fimbles 6.20 Me Too! 6.40 Clifford’s Puppy Days 7.00 Green Balloon Scrapbook 7.25 Finley The Fire Engine 7.40 Kerwhizz 8.00 Pinky And Perky 8.15 ChuckleVision 8.30 Copycats 9.00 Planet Ajay 9.30 The Slammer 10.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 10.30 Prank Patrol 10.55 Dennis & Gnasher 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 FILM: Pokemon 4 Ever – Celebi: Voice Of The Forest (2002) 1.45 Racing From Aintree 4.35 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Clever bods in a team, eggs for heads.

6.30 Great British Menu It is judgement day and the two chefs who got through to this stage must cook their entire menus for the Great British Menu judges.

7.00 The Secret Life Of The Airport Series charting the development of Britain’s airports and how they have transformed the country. Chocs away.

8.00 Mastermind The subjects are: The Lord Peter Wimsey Novels of Dorothy L Sayers; The AngloAmerican War 1812-1815; Hindu Gods and Goddesses; The Life and Work of Cecil Sharpe; and the TV Series The Wire. Varied bunch.

8.30 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine.

9.00 Golf: The Masters 2010 Hazel Irvine introduces live coverage of the 2010 Masters.

10.30 Newsnight The day’s headlines with Kirsty Wark.

11.00 The Review Show Round table arts and culture discussion.

11.50 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Kerching!

11.55 Heroes Claire and Peter try to resolve their emotions.

12.35am FILM: Ginger Snaps (2000) Horror movie about a rebellious teenager who is bitten by a werewolf on the night of her first period, with terrifying consequences.

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Divided

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Aaron hopes Jackson will hear him out.

Zak threatens to report Olena.

7.30 Coronation Street Will Sophie confess all to Sian about Ryan? Can Leanne make amends with Peter?

8.00 FILM: Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire (2005) Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Robbie Coltrane and Alan Rickman. Fourth instalment of the fantasy series based on JK Rowling’s bestselling books.

10.45 ITV News & Weather 11.20 FILM: My Little Eye (2002) Horror fuelled by the rise of Big Brother and The Blair Witch Project.

Five contestants agree to live and be filmed in a remote house for six months. The prize is a million dollars, but there is a catch – if one of them leaves, then they all forfeit the cash.

Who will crack and what secrets does the house hide?

1.05am FILM: The Day Of The Jackal (1973) Tense thriller about an assassination attempt on French President Charles de Gaulle. French security forces learn of the plot and assign a senior detective to stop him.

A paramilitary organisation hires the services of the world’s most feared professional hitman, known only as the Jackal. 3.30 ITV Nightscreen service. 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Coach Trip 9.25 Hollyoaks Music Show 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.30 Location, Location, Location 1.35 FILM: The Time Machine (1960) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 The Simpsons 6.00 The Simpsons Homer offers to donate one of his kidneys to Grampa.

6.30 Hollyoaks Lauren is mourning the end of her thing with Gaz. Tony talks to Holly and makes Cindy’s heart melt. Like Mr Whippy in the sun.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Reporter Evan Williams and director Will West are granted rare access to the Pakistan headquarters of an organisation the US and UN say is the front for one of the world’s biggest terrorist networks.

8.00 Dispatches: Tracing The Marathon’s Millions See highlights 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies: Back To The Clinic The docs catch up with a young man with a skin condition in his armpits, a woman with rotting teeth, and a lady who suffered with severe pain during sex.

10.00 Chris Tarrant: A Comedy Roast A host of celebrities pay tribute to presenter and DJ Chris Tarrant in irreverent fashion.

11.10 Eddie Izzard – Circle The comedian performs in New York.

12.45am 4 Music: The Album Chart Show Spotlight Sponsored

By TescoEntertainment.com Music programme.1.00 4 Music: Evo Music Rooms 1.25 4 Music: Rockfeedback 1.40 I’m Running Sainsbury’s 2.35 First Cut: Junk Mail Britain 3.00 FILM: The Cicerones (2002) 4.05 Empires Of Stone 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Yo Gabba

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 8.00 Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Hana’s Helpline 9.20 Olivia 9.30 Funky Valley 9.35 FILM: Soccer Dog: European Cup (2004) 11.15 Zoo Days 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.45 CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: A Perfect Day (2006) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Martha tries to allay Gina’s suspicions that her son is dealing drugs again. Xavier enlists Ruby’s help with hiding his money.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland.

8.00 Ice Patrol The Endurance shipmates are preparing to leave for Antarctica, but must first pass a gruelling inspection. All seems to be going well until an engine breakdown off the Falklands threatens disaster for the ship and its mission.

9.00 The Mentalist Bosco and his agents are gunned down within the walls of CBI headquarters.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Goren and Eames investigate when a fire at a church leads to the death of a church employee.

11.00 NCIS US drama based on the work of the navy’s dedicated federal agency. 12.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming featuring roulette, blackjack and autowheel. 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Wildlife SOS 4.55 County Secrets Series that throws a spotlight on some of the UK’s most scenic counties. Each instalment focuses on hidden curiosities and little-known facts about the area. 5.10 Neighbours.

5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Darts: Premier League 12.30pm Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Irish Football 2.00 Darts: Premier League 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE European Rugby 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 12.30 Super League 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 World Sport

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 The Rugby Club 10.00 Irish Football 11.00 The Premiership Years 1.00pm The Dogs 1.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 WWE: Raw 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Snow Ride 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE: Live Super League 10.00 Football League Weekend 11.00 NFL: Total Access 12.00am European Rugby 2.30 NFL: Total Access 3.30 Super League 5.00 NFL: Total Access

Sky Sports 3 6.00am The Rugby Club 7.00 The Premiership Years 9.00 Rolex FEI World Cup Show Jumping 10.00 The Dogs 10.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 11.00 FEI Equestrian World 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Race World 2.00 Football’s Next Star 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 Race World 6.00 Football’s Next Star 7.00 IEX Magazine 7.30 World Sport 8.00 Elite League Ice Hockey 10.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Football League Weekend 2.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.30 IEX Magazine 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 The Premiership Years

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm Got To Dance 4.00 Brainiac: Best Of Science Abuse 5.00 WWE 6.00 Liza And Huey’s Pet Nation 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A League Of Their Own 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Lost 10.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 11.00 A League Of Their Own 11.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 12.00am Oops TV 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Doctor Who 10.05 EastEnders 10.35 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Russell Howard’s Good News 12.50 How Not To Live Your Life 1.20 The Gemma Factor 1.50 World’s Toughest Driving Tests 2.50 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm News 7.30 Astaire And Rogers Sing George And Ira Gershwin 7.40 Walk On By 8.30 Astaire And Rogers Sing The Great American Songbook 9.00 BBC Four Sessions 10.00 Arena: Johnny Mercer The Dream’s On Me 11.40 BBC Four Sessions 1.00am Walk On By 1.50 Arena: Johnny Mercer

1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Kids Do The Funniest Things 8.00 The Vampire Diaries See highlights 9.00 FILM: The Bourne Identity (2002) 11.25 Coronation Street 11.55 Abbey Clancy’s Parent Trip

8.30am Upstairs, Downstairs (x2) 10.40 Hornblower 12.45pm Heartbeat 1.55 Born And Bred 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 On The Buses 5.35 Heartbeat 6.45 Born And Bred 7.55 Pie In The Sky 9.00 A Touch Of Frost (x2) 1.05am Hornblower

1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 How To Look Good Naked 11.05 Wife Swap: The Last Episode 12.10am My Name Is Earl 12.40 Scrubs (x2)

2.50pm Coach Trip 3.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 FILM: As Good As It Gets (1997) 11.40 Heroes Of Comedy 12.45am FILM: As Good As It Gets (1997)

12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Medium 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Deadliest Catch 2.00 Elite Forces 3.00 World War II: Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 The Bible: A History 10.00 Violent Nation 11.00 Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.10pm FILM: Jack Hunter: The Quest For Akhenaten’s Tomb (2008) 3.20 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 6.20 FILM: Toxic Skies (2008) 8.10 FILM: Merlin And The Book Of Beasts (2009) 10.00 FILM: The Marksman (2005) 1.50am Buffy The Vampire Slayer

8.00am The Nutty Professor (1963) 10.00 The Searchers (1956) 12.00pm Giant (1956) 3.15 Romanoff & Juliet (1961) 5.00 In Like Flint (1967) 7.00 The Searchers (1956) 9.00 Rio Bravo (1959) 11.25 The Spy Who Came In From The Cold (1965) 1.25am The Nutty Professor (1963)

8.00am What Just Happened (2008) 10.00 The Player (1992) 12.10pm Two Lovers (2008) 2.10 Out Of Sight (1998) 4.15 South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 5.50 What Just Happened (2008) 7.50 The Player (1992) 10.00 Short Cuts (1993) 1.10am Two Lovers (2008)

11.00am Kipps (1942) 1.10pm The Riddle Of The Sands (1979) 3.10 Gunfight At The OK Corral (1957) 5.30 The 39 Steps (1959) 7.20 Hot Shots! (1991) 9.00 The Wedding Date (2005) 10.40 The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 12.35am Brothers Of The Head (2005) 2.20 Lights In The Dusk (2006) 4.00 Close

7.00am The Children’s Hour (1961) 9.00 Eight Men Out (1988) 11.15 The Big Night (1951) 1.00pm Vera Cruz (1954) 3.00 Bunny O’Hare (1971) 4.45 Exodus (1960) 9.00 Not Without My Daughter (1990) 11.10 Class (1983) 1.00am Not Without My Daughter (1990) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Vera Cruz (1954)

3.40pm My Family 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Benny Hill 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Porridge 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Porridge 10.00 Blackadder II 10.40 Absolutely Fabulous 11.20 Hippies 12.00am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.40 Porridge

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans Up Close 10.30 South Park (x2) 11.30 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 12.00am Grouchy Young Men 12.30 Alan Carr: Tooth Fairy Live

Classics

Indie

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035_LS469_TV_Sat_Latest7Sat10April.qxd 01/04/2010 15:44 Page 1

saturday 10 Doctor Who BBC1, 6.15pm

By Jiminy, it’s a series! We’re so used to only getting one-off special occasion episodes that when this launched at Easter we were quite taken off kilter to find another one popping up the following weekend. Anyway, the new Doctor has the new Amy and they’re off to a distant future.

With Britain in a spaceship. Yup.

The 100 Greatest Stand Ups 2010 Channel 4, 9pm There was a fair bit of controversy caused when it was first announced that C4 was updating its massive list of the best comics ever. Chiefly due to the somewhat limited shortlist. Hopefully this will reflect some of the demanded revisions, with some new greats joining the old laughs.

Film: Freaky Friday Film4, 5.15pm The original and still the best is this body swap comedy starring child actress Jodie Foster (before all the rumours, directing and serious stuff). Back in 1977 Ms Foster was a part of the Disney stable of child stars and shone like a bright and shiny star in this tale of wish-fulfilment when she and Mom swap bodies for a bit.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

6.00am Breakfast 9.55 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Great British Menu 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 The Grand National 5.00 BBC News 5.10 South East Today 5.15 All New Total Wipeout

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Basil And Barney’s Swap Shop 9.55 Street Monsters 10.00 Horrible Histories 10.30 The Sarah Jane Adventures 11.00 BAMZOOKi 11.30 Hai! Karate - Journey To Japan 12.00pm Degrassi: The Next Generation 12.25 Single, Together, Whatever 12.50 The 5.19 Show 1.05 The Cut 1.30 The Cut 1.55 FILM: Bicentennial Man (1999) 4.00 Flog It! 4.30 Final Score 5.20 FILM: The Aviator (2004)

6.15 Doctor Who See highlights.

7.00 Over The Rainbow Andrew Lloyd Webber’s search for the girl to play Dorothy in the West End continues, as the ten remaining West End hopefuls perform live in the studio. With everything to sing for the girls go head to head in a bid to impress Andrew Lloyd Webber and the panel. Host Graham Norton oversees all of the Oz action as well as keeping the panel of Charlotte Church, John Partridge and Sheila Hancock in line. ‘Cause they’re naturally wonky.

8.10 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts the Saturday night National Lottery quiz where two teams of strangers compete to win £50,000 by completing a series of lists. Includes Thunderball, Dream Number and Lotto draws with Jenni Falconer.

9.00 Casualty Jordan is forced to face the truth, while Zoe is shocked when her relationship with Matt steps up a gear. Adam longs to be part of a family again, but how far will he go?

9.50 BBC News 10.15 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the Premier League.

11.15 The Football League Show Highlights from the day’s Football League games.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 News

8.00 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Mainwaring’s motley crew is put in charge of a vital telephone line. They awake to find a bomb enmeshed in the wires.

8.30 Golf: The Masters 2010 Hazel Irvine introduces live coverage of the 2010 Masters at the Augusta National. Having safely negotiated the cut, the remaining players will now be dreaming of donning the famous green jacket. In 2009 it was Angel Cabrera and Kenny Perry who started to pull away from the chasing pack, carding rounds of 69 and 70 respectively to move two shots clear at the top of the leaderboard.

Commentary from Peter Alliss, Wayne Grady, Ken Brown and Sam Torrance. It’ll be dark by now. Even with British Summer time. Maybe they’ve got glow-in-the-dark balls.

12.00am Grand National Highlights 12.30 FILM: Glory Road (2006) Sports drama, inspired by real events starring Josh Lucas. Basketball coach Dan Haskins recruits a team of predominantly black players to play for his team in racially segregated and football-mad Texas.

2.20 FILM: Aguirre, Wrath Of God (1972) Spectacular historical adventure set in the jungles of South America, where a Spanish conquistador seizes control of a group of 16th-century explorers and sets out to find El Dorado, the lost city of gold.

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.55 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.25 The Lakes 10.55 Dickinson’s Real Deal 11.55 ITV News & Weather 12.10pm This Morning: Saturday 1.10 Midsomer Murders 3.15 Rosemary And Thyme 4.15 Meridian News And Weather 4.25 ITV News & Weather 4.35 FA Cup Live: Aston Villa V Chelsea

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 World Sport 7.30 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.30 Friends 10.00 90210 11.00 Glee 12.00pm Cemetery Junction: T4 Movie Special 12.30 Koko Pop: Presented By INQ 1.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me

7.00 FILM: Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (2007) Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Richard Griffiths, Gary Oldman, Julie Walters, Maggie Smith, Jason Isaacs, Michael Gambon. Fantasy sequel.

Harry is dismayed when the Ministry of Magic denies Voldemort’s return and appoints a nasty new teacher at Hogwarts to keep an eye on Dumbledore. Not literally. Ugh. 9.30 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Michael Winner Film director and food critic Michael Winner reveals his more tender side to host Piers Morgan. He talks candidly about his mother’s addiction to gambling, his film career and how a near-death experience changed his life.

10.30 FILM: X2 (2003) Starring Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry and Famke Janssen. Marvel Comics superhero sequel. A mutant attack on the President leads the dangerous General Stryker to target the X-Men. Forced to team up with their archenemy Magneto, the X-Men find themselves in more danger than ever.

11.30 ITV News 11.45 FILM: X2 (2003) Still bucketloads of danger about.

1.10am FILM: The Howling (1981) 2.45 British Superbike Championship Highlights 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which five contestants throw dinner parties for one another.

In an attempt to win the title of top host, interior designer Amanda Swanwick-Aharoni has drawn up plans for a formal banquet, hired a butler, dressed in pearls and asked her guests to don evening wear.

6.30 Channel 4 News I 7.00 The Welsh Great Escape Documentary on the escape of German prisoners of war from the Welsh market town of Bridgend on 10 March 1945. The 70 POWs, who were officers of the German army and the SS, followed months of secret tunnelling with a daring escape into the countryside, prompting a huge manhunt across the UK. This programme tells the entire story and features two of the prisoners returning to Bridgend for the first time in almost sixty years.

8.00 Pearl Harbour: Mystery Of The Killer Subs A team of expert investigators re-examine the sinking of the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbour during World War II, questioning whether a group of Japanese submarines – rather than an aircraft – were responsible. Learning stuff.

9.00 The 100 Greatest Stand Ups 2010 See highlights.

1.05am FILM: Solaris (2002) 2.40 The Sopranos 3.35 St Elsewhere 4.25 Scrapheap Challenge 5.20 Countdown

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Children’s television 8.00 Hana’s Helpline 8.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.35 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.50 Igam Ogam 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Europa League Football Highlights 11.05 The Gadget Show 12.05pm Chinese Food In Minutes 12.35 The Business Inspector 1.35 FILM: The Hallelujah Trail (1965) 4.25 FILM: I Love Trouble (1994)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Cup Football 2.30 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Super League 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.30 LIVE Spanish Football 11.30 Super League 1.00am Spanish Football 2.30 LIVE Big Fight Special

Sky Sports 2 6.45 Five News 6.50 NCIS US drama series. The team goes on the trail of a missing Navy lieutenant after her bloodied car is found abandoned. Tony is secretly offered a promotion by NCIS director Jenny Shepard. Ooh! 7.40 NCIS A Russian arms dealer is arrested for the murder of a chief petty officer. But the seemingly straightforward case is complicated when the Department of Homeland Security demands that NCIS release the suspect to them. Baggsies.

8.35 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation US drama. The discovery of a badly decomposed body in a chemical waste drum on a farm soon uncovers a strange world of robotic sports in which the increasing influence of the machine culminates in death.

9.30 CSI: NY Drama series. The slaying of a young photographer in Central Park leads the CSIs into the world of a vampire cult.

10.30 Law And Order American crime drama series. The fatal shooting of a truck driver leads Fontana and Green to uncover a people-smuggling ring. No squares.

11.30 Crime Scene Academy 12.00am SuperCasino 4.05 HouseBusters 4.30 HouseBusters 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake!

Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Tight Lines 7.00 Super League 8.30 Live Super 14 Rugby Union (x2) 12.45pm Live European Rugby (x3) 7.45 LIVE European Rugby 10.30 The Super 14 Show 12.30am NFL - Total Access 1.30 NFL – America’s Game 2.30 Super League 4.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.30 NFL – Total Access 5.30 World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 The Premiership Years 9.00 NFL America’s Game 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm Super League 1.30 Max Power 2.30 Friday Fight Night 4.30 World Sport 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 IEX Magazine 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day (x3) 2.45 IEX Magazine 3.15 Wild Spirits 3.45 Sky Sports Classics 4.00 The Premiership Years

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Simpsons (x3) 1.30 Futurama (x2) 5.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 6.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than Your Ten-Year-Old? 7.00 Futurama 7.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 8.00 Lie To Me 9.00 FILM: American Pie (1999) 10.50 Fringe 11.50 A League Of Their Own 12.20am Road Wars (x2) 2.15 Football Behind Bars

7.00pm Doctor Who Confidential 7.45 Top Gear Vietnam Special 9.00 FILM: Blades Of Glory (2007) 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 11.15 Family Guy 11.40 American Dad! (x2) 12.25 Undercover Princesses (x4) 4.15 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra

7.00pm Life 8.00 Wonders Of The Solar System 9.00 Wallander 10.25 Margot 11.55 BBC Young Musician Of The Year 2008 (x2) 1.55 Arena: Johnny Mercer - The Dream’s On Me 3.35 Margot 5.30 Close

2.30pm Holiday Showdown 3.30 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 4.35 American Idol: 9 Finalists 6.35 American Idol: Results 7.35 Supersize Teens: Can’t Stop Eating 8.35 Superhuman: Super Strong 9.35 FILM: Must Love Dogs (2005) 11.35 Celebrity Juice 12.20am FILM: The Pelican Brief (1993) 3.00 The Vampire Diaries

8.00am Goodnight Sweetheart 8.35 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman (x2) 10.35 Pie In The Sky 11.35 The Darling Buds Of May 12.40pm Wycliffe (x2) 2.45 A Touch Of Frost (x4) 1.00am Reckless 2.00 On The Buses (x2) 2.50 Film File 3.00 Teleshopping

12.50pm Supernanny 1.55 How To Look Good Naked 2.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 7.00 The Big Bang Theory 7.25 How I Met Your Mother 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Broken Arrow (1996) 11.05 FILM: Black Knight (2001) 12.55am Supernanny 1.55 Gok’s Fashion Fix 2.50 Samantha Who?

11.30am Time Team 12.30pm FILM: The Poseidon Adventure (1972) 2.45 Grand Designs (x2) 4.50 Grand Designs Revisited (x2) 6.55 Grand Designs 8.00 Johnny Dankworth: The Show Went On 9.00 UFOs: The Secret Evidence 11.10 Eddie Izzard: Dress To Kill 12.30am UFOs: The Secret Evidence

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Australia’s Next Top Model 1.00 Four Weddings (x4) 4.00 FILM: My Girl 2 (1994) 5.55 Celebs 24/7 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x3) 8.00 Criminal Minds (x4) 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 Nothing To Declare (x4) 3.00 I Dream Of Jeannie

UK TV Gold

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm Trains With Pete Waterman (x6) 6.00 Extreme Loggers 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Days That Shook The World 10.00 Crimes That Shook The World 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives (x2) 3.50 Extreme Engineering

12.00pm Sanctuary 1.00 FILM: Hell’s Rain (2007) 2.50 FILM: Storm Seekers (2008) 4.40 FILM: Meteor Storm (2010) 6.30 FILM: Quantum Apocalypse (2010) 8.20 FILM: Journey To Middle Earth (2008) 10.00 FILM: 7 Seconds (2005) 12.00am Heroes (x4) 4.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2)

12.50pm Operation Petticoat (1959) 3.00 How To Marry A Millionaire (1953) 4.40 35mm 5.10 Pillow Talk (1959) 6.55 The Rainmaker (1956) 9.00 The Wild Bunch (1969) 11.30 Operation Petticoat (1959) 1.40am The Wild Bunch (1969) 4.15 Pillow Talk (1959)

12.30pm No Country For Old Men (2007) 2.40 Juno (2007) 4.30 Arctic Tale 6.10 Children Of The Amazon (2008) 7.30 The Movie Geek 8.00 The Bank Job (2008) 10.00 The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008) 12.30am No Country For Old Men (2007) 2.35 Mephisto (1981)

1.00pm King Solomon’s Mines (1985) 2.55 Great Expectations (1946) 5.15 Freaky Friday (1977). See highlights 7.10 Matthew Vaughn On Kick-Ass 7.20 Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993) 9.00 Control (2007) 11.20 Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story Of Ozploitation! (2008)

8.50am Exodus (1960) 1.00pm Kid Galahad (1962) 3.00 How To Murder Your Wife (1965) 5.20 The Screening Room 6.00 Babette’s Feast (1987) 8.15 The Screening Room 9.00 Apocalypse Now (1979) 12.00am Firestarter (1984) 2.10 The Screening Room 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Kid Galahad (1962)

12.50pm Only Fools And Horses 2.40 The Green Green Grass 3.40 Heroes Of Comedy: Frankie Howerd 4.40 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 8.00 The Green Green Grass 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.20 FILM: The Ladykillers (1955) 12.20am The Comic Strip Presents... 1.05 The New Adventures Of Old Christine

4.30pm Samantha Who? 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans XL Tour 2005 Live 10.20 New South Park 10.50 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.20 Lee Evans Up Close 12.40am South Park

Classics

Indie

S A 6. w Ba Pr w w Fo la Co On Le an Le Pr w w So an Ch 12 Liv th Ro Di in si Sa w th sc Liv He 11 Sa la th Sp Ev en th fo Fo in Be Ch de an 11 He 11 Sa

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sunday 11 A Passionate Woman BBC1, 9pm When you hear the word ‘whoops!’, you know there’s a story to follow. If you hear a secret you can be certain the tale will be epic. This period drama is based on a secret award-winning writer Kay Mellor was told by her mother. In Leeds in the drab bit of the 1950s, Betty is looking for a little colour in her life.

William Shatner Comedy Roast Channel 4, 10.50pm It’s a tradition in the USA to get a whole load of celebs together to celebrate the work of another celeb and call it a ‘Roast’. These tend to be quite humorous affairs, which is why Comedy Central has taken the helm here, with Farrah Fawcett and Betty White leading the tributes to Mr W Shatner.

Come Dine With Me More 4, 5.10pm – 7.30pm Five guests, five shows, usually on one a night for an entire week.

Time to gorge yourself on backstabbing snipes, homely surroundings and mouthwatering food (usually described with enforced apathy by the other contestants). Food includes a Persian menu, a vodka-soaked dessert, and controversial veal.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 8.00 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.45 Bargain Hunt 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 EastEnders 4.50 Points Of View 5.05 Songs Of Praise 5.45 BBC News

6.05 South East Today 6.15 Countryfile Julia Bradbury and Matt Baker head for the Essex countryside to explore the landscape that inspired artist John Constable and to find about a natural approach to flood management. Matt’s also in search of Britain’s only venomous snake – the adder – while Julia meets the ex-prisoner who believes pig farming has saved her from a life of crime. Charlotte’s Web’s got nothing on this. Spider-lover.

7.15 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return to Burghley House near Stamford and Abbotsford in Melrose for previously unscreened finds.

8.15 Over The Rainbow Results Show There’s high drama from the Land of Oz as another Dorothy leaves the competition for good. While the girls wait nervously for the result, they will entertain with spectacular group performances, including a musical mash up.

9.00 A Passionate Woman See highlights.

10.30 BBC News 10.45 South East Today 10.55 Match Of The Day 2 Highlights of today’s matches.

12.00am Late Kick Off 12.30 FILM: The Fourth Protocol (1986) 2.25 Weatherview 2.30 Sign Zone: Holby City 3.30 Famous, Rich And Homeless 4.30 BBC News

BBC2

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Jinx 7.50 Sam And Mark’s Guide To Dodging Disaster 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 Dani’s House 9.00 Big Babies 9.15 OOglies 9.30 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 On Thin Ice 12.15pm Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 12.40 Monk 1.20 FILM: Fort Apache (1948) 3.25 Escape To The Country 4.25 Rick Stein’s Far Eastern Odyssey 5.25 FILM: Carry On Again, Doctor (1969)

6.55 Golf: The Masters 2010 Hazel Irvine presents live coverage of the final round at the 2010 Masters.

There has not been a British winner at the Augusta National since Nick Faldo in 1996, but with a promising crop of Brits crossing the pond, there is a chance that drought may come to an end. In 2009 the winner was Argentine Angel Cabrera, who held his nerve in a play-off against Kenny Perry and Chad Campbell. Will we be in for another dramatic late finish at Augusta? Commentary from Peter Alliss, Wayne Grady, Ken Brown and Sam Torrance. Are you still reading all the way down here? Either you really like golf or you really like reading. Well done on your dedication to your chosen subject.

12.00am MotoGP 2010: Round 1 – Qatar Coverage of the opening race of the 2010 MotoGP season from the Losail International Circuit. Can anyone stop Italy’s Valentino Rossi claiming an eighth MotoGP crown?

Jennie Gow presents the action from Qatar, with commentary from Charlie Cox and Steve Parrish. 1.15 FILM: Critical Assignment (2004) Action drama. A journalist writing an article on the African water shortage uncovers links with government corruption and the international arms trade, and will stop at nothing to unmask the perpetrators. 3.00 BBC News 4.30 The Super League Show

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 ITV News & Weather 12.00pm This Morning: Sunday 1.00 Columbo: Lady In Waiting 2.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.30 FA Cup Live: Tottenham Hotspur V Portsmouth

6.00 Meridian News; Weather 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 Totally You’ve Been Framed!

Amazing accidents, cute kids and the funniest of our furry friends from Harry Hill’s time on the programme.

7.30 Coronation Street Can Sian and Sophie be reconciled? John has a new plan – but will Fiz support it?

8.00 Foyles War It is July 1945 and Britain is settling into peacetime.

When Sam’s new boss, renowned artist Sir Leonard Spencer-Jones is found dead in his home, suspicion falls on Niko, a Russian POW. 10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 The South Bank Show Revisited: Ian McEwan McEwan talks to Melvyn Bragg about how his work has evolved over 30 years and whether the writing discussed in past programmes still informs his current work.

11.15 FILM: A Mighty Wind (2003) Starring Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, Ariane Moret, Stuart Luce, Mary Gross.

Mockumentary following three 1960s folk bands who reunite for a concert.

Written and directed by Christopher Guest of This is Spinal Tap fame.

12.55am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.25 FILM: Fahrenheit 451 (1966) 3.15 Coastal Kitchen 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.05am Sali Mali 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 The McCain Track And Field Show 7.30 Cooper Tires British F3 International Series 8.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 8.30 GT Academy 9.00 The Hills 9.25 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Running In Heels 1.00 Friends 1.30 4Music Meets Rihanna 2.35 Friends 3.15 The Simpsons 3.45 The Simpsons 4.20 Deal Or No Deal 5.10 FILM: Valiant (2005)

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Embarrassing Bodies: Charlotte’s Story One-off special of the medical series chronicling Charlotte Wilson’s progress since she first appeared as a patient on the show in 2008. After consultation with an immunologist at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital, the youngster is told she needs a new immune system and therefore a bone marrow transplant. Dr Christian Jessen narrates.

8.00 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to stage the best dinner-party.

Businesswoman Jo, stay-at-home mum Michelle, rugby player Mark and theatre director Phil clash in Cardiff.

9.00 The Restoration Man George Clarke travels the British Isles meeting people hoping to restore architectural treasures.

10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night: The Final The final of the comedy celebrity quiz and the highest scorers of the series, Dale Winton, James Corden and Peter Andre, return to determine a champion.

10.50 William Shatner Comedy Roast See highlights.

12.25am Ricky Gervais Meets...

Garry Shandling 1.30 FILM: Ju-On: The Grudge (2002) 3.05 The Sopranos 4.00 The War At Home 4.25 Hill Street Blues 5.15 Countdown

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 7.55am Children’s television 7.55 Fireman Sam 8.05 Hana’s Helpline 8.20 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.35 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.50 Igam Ogam 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Hannah Montana 10.35 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.10 Build A New Life In The Country 12.10pm Megastructures 1.10 Ice Patrol 2.10 Zoo Days 2.20 FILM: A Guy Thing (2002) 4.15 FILM: What A Girl Wants (2003)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 1.00am Spanish Football 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 European Rugby Special 5.00 School Of Hard Knocks 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

6.15 Five News 6.20 FILM: The Mask Of Zorro (1998) Starring Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas, Catherine ZetaJones, Diego Sieres. Swashbuckling romantic adventure. Avenging his wife’s murder and the kidnap of his daughter 20 years earlier, an ageing Zorro escapes from prison, recruits the outlaw Alejandro and teaches him everything he knows. The two men unite in order to defeat the kidnapper Montero and his treacherous plan to establish an independent Republic of California.

9.00 FILM: Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) Starring Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight, Noah Taylor, Iain Glen, Daniel Craig, Chris Barrie. Action tale adapted from the popular video game in which the eponymous heroine races against time to find an ancient relic before it falls into the wrong hands. Leaving behind her life of luxury, the highly-trained adventurer travels to exotic and dangerous locales, where she battles fantastical creatures. No interaction necessary.

10.55 Justin Lee Collins: Good Times Repeat of Monday’s show.

11.55 UFC Main Event: St-Pierre V Hardy Mixed martial arts action.

12.55am SuperCasino 4.05 HouseBusters (x2) 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.30 IEX Magazine 7.00 Scottish Cup Football 8.00 Spanish Football 9.30 Big Fight Special 11.30 The Super 14 Show 1.30pm LIVE European Rugby (x2) 7.00 To Be Announced 9.00 Big Fight Special 11.00 To Be Announced 1.00am European Rugby Special 2.00 School Of Hard Knocks 2.30 To Be Announced 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 Watersports World

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Super League 8.00 WWE Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 Max Power 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Super League 1.30 Max Power 2.30 Big Fight Special 4.30 This Week In WWE 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 Watersports World 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 World Sport 8.00 This Week In WWE 8.30 LIVE IndyCar Series 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE Vintage Collection 1.00 IndyCar Series 3.00 Max Power 4.00 The Premiership Years

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.30pm The Simpsons ...Celebrity Friends 2.00 Glenn Martin, DDS 2.30 Futurama (x3) 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Best Of Oops TV 9.00 24 10.00 House 11.00 Bones 12.00am A League Of Their Own

7.00pm The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 8.00 Doctor Who 8.45 LIVE: MotoGP 2010: Round 1 Qatar 10.00 Heroes 10.45 Family Guy 11.10 American Dad! (x2) 11.55 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 12.50am Women, Weddings, War And Me 1.50 The Real Hustle Undercover

7.00pm Legends 8.00 Beautiful Minds 9.00 ...

Sings The Great American Songbook 10.00 BBC Four Sessions 11.00 Mad Men 11.45 Guitar Heroes At The BBC: I 12.45am BBC Young Musician Of The Year 2008 1.45 BBC Four Sessions 2.45 Mad Men 3.35 Beautiful Minds

1.30pm Teenage Cancer Trust Concerts 2010 2.30 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.30 FILM: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) 5.50 FILM: Music And Lyrics (2007) 8.00 Abbey Clancy’s Parent Trip 9.00 FILM: Rumor Has It (2005) 11.00 Coronation Street 11.30 The Vampire Diaries 12.25am Supernatural

8.35am Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 9.30 Heartbeat (x2) 11.35 Inspector Morse 1.45pm A Touch Of Frost (x3) 7.50 An Audience With Victoria Wood 9.00 FILM: Shirley Valentine (1989) 11.15 Cracker 12.20am Brides In The Bath 2.15 Micawber 3.05 On The Buses 3.30 Film File 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus

10.55am Wife Swap USA 11.44 Roswell (x2) 1.40pm Reaper 2.40 FILM: Ever After: A Cinderella Story (1998) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 The Loop (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? (x2) 11.55 Being Erica 12.50am Gok’s Fashion Fix (x2)

2.25pm Coach Trip (x5) 5.10 Come Dine With Me (x5). See highlights. 8.00 River Cottage 9.00 Gordon’s Great Escape 10.25 Leaving Home At 8 11.30 Father Ted 12.00am Black Books 12.35 The IT Crowd 1.05 Curb Your Enthusiasm 1.40 Deal Or No Deal 2.25 Gordon’s Great Escape

12.00pm So You Think You Can Dance (x2) 2.00 FILM: My Girl 2 (1994) 3.55 Celebs 24/7 4.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 5.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 6.00 Grey’s Anatomy 7.00 Celebrity Four Weddings 8.00 Cougar Town (x2) 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 Supernatural 11.00 CSI: Miami 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm How It’s Made (x2) 1.00 The Bible: A History 2.00 Last Mysteries Of The Titanic 4.00 Extreme Loggers 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Man On Earth 10.00 Human Body: Ultimate Machine 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files

12.50pm FILM: Force Of Impact (2005) 2.30 Lost City Raiders 4.30 FILM: Storm Cell (2008) 6.20 Legend Of The Seeker 7.20 Sanctuary 8.20 FILM: 30000 Leagues Under The Sea (2007) 10.00 FILM: Blown Away (1994) 12.20am Heroes (x2) 2.20 3rd Rock From The Sun 3.00 Mysterious Ways

11.40am Love Story (1970) 1.30pm Hell Is For Heroes (1962) 3.10 The Grapes Of Wrath (1940) 5.25 The Virgin Queen (1955) 7.10 The War Lover (1962) 9.00 True Grit (1969) 11.10 A Lovely Way To Die (1968) 12.55am The Grapes Of Wrath (1940) 3.15 The Virgin Queen (1955)

11.35am Pacific Profile Eugene Sledge 11.50 Doubt (2008) 1.50pm War, Inc (2008) 3.50 Being John Malkovich (1999) 6.00 The Movie Geek 6.30 Das Boot - The Director’s Cut (1981) 10.00 Doubt (2008) 11.45 War, Inc (2008) 1.35am The Usual Suspects (1995) 3.25 Waltz With Bashir (2008)

11.00am Pony Express (1953) 1.00pm Romancing The Stone (1984) 3.05 23 Paces To Baker Street (1956) 5.05 Honey, I Blew Up The Kid (1992) 6.45 The Perfect Catch (2005) 8.50 Tilda Swinton On I Am Love 9.00 The Devil Wears Prada (2006) 11.10 Bad Girls (1994) 1.05am My Brother Tom (2001)

9.50am The Screening Room 10.30 Babette’s Feast (1987) 1.00pm The Whales Of August (1987) 3.00 The Way West (1967) 5.45 New York, New York (1977) 9.00 Delirious (1991) 11.00 Hi Mom! (1970) 1.00am Delirious (1991) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 The Whales Of August (1987)

3.00pm Last Of The Summer Wine (x3) 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Dick Emery 6.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Leonard Rossiter 7.40 Jonathan Creek 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.35 Absolutely Fabulous 11.15 French And Saunders Easter Special 12.10am Heroes Of Comedy: Dick Emery 1.10 Absolutely Fabulous

12.00pm Two And A Half Men (x5) 2.30 Frasier: Analyzing The Laughter 3.15 FILM: Mannequin (1987) 5.00 Scrubs 5.30 Samantha Who? 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x6) 9.00 FILM: Jersey Girl (1993) 11.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.30 New South Park 12.00am Lee Evans XL Tour 2005 Live

Classics

Indie

S A 6. w Fo hi Pr Fo hi Pr Su fin W sp Su pr fo an Su Le Ro at Br Un 3.

M Ci St Le on st W kn te m 7.

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monday 12 Out Of The Frying Pan BBC2, 9pm Previous contestants in the TV show The Restaurant, James Knight-Pacheco and Alasdair Hooper, were taken under Raymond Blanc’s wing and given jobs at his restaurant after being runners up in 2009. Now they want to set up thier own bespoke catering business. First client is Duncan Bannatyne. Gulp!

FlashForward Five, 9pm Gotta find the mole, gotta find the mole – Mark and Vogel have a plan. Yay! The FBI will be pleased. Mark’s methods aren’t too popular though. Quelle surprise. At home he’s not too popular either, as in an effort to save his family and his marriage he moves out of the house. Not what we’d do, but we ain’t FBI.

Imagine... Rufus Wainwright, Prima Donna BBC4, 10pm If you’ve snapped up your tickets to see Rufus W later in the year at Brighton Centre, here’s a chance to splurge on information on the popular singer-songwriter.

He talks about the musical dynasty he comes from, his personal history with drugs, and his very first opera – Prima Donna.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24/7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 3.15 Gigglebiz 3.30 Bear Behaving Badly 3.55 Shaun The Sheep 4.05 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Dallas turns into a dolphin with the help of the latest US technology. Nifty.

8.00 EastEnders Biance shouts at someone, Courtney looks a bit lost, Phil looks grumpy and Shirley does the can-can round the square. Maybe.

8.30 Panorama Vigorous investigation of a topical issue.

9.00 New Tricks Crime drama series. UCOS reinvestigate a highprofile riverboat disaster on the Thames after a new witness comes forward claiming the collision was the result of sabotage, rather than an accident. Dirty rotten wotnots.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show The award-winning host returns with his anarchic talk show. Funny men Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais take the comedy chair to discuss their new film, Cemetery Junction, and iconic actress Christina Ricci talks about life as a quirky star.

11.20 Secrets For Sale Documentary about ‘true story’ journalism and its subjects.

12.10am FILM: Remember The Titans (2000) 1.55 Springwatch 2.00 Sign Zone: Priceless Antiques Roadshow 2.30 How Earth Made Us 3.30 Great British Menu 4.30 News

BBC2

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Timmy Time 8.40 Chuggington 8.50 Louie 9.00 Charlie And Lola 9.15 Postman Pat: SDS 9.30 LazyTown 9.55 Garth And Bev 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Yoko! Jakamoko! Toto! 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 Nature’s Calendar 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Castle In The Country 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Great British Menu Presented

by Jennie Bond. Bet she gets to eat stuff too. Without cooking it herself.

7.00 How To Win The TV Debate With Britain’s first-ever political leaders’ television debate imminent, reporter Michael Cockerell uncovers what it’s like to take part in these contests. US Presidents and their advisers expose the tricks of the debate trade.

8.00 Hidden Houses Of Wales They play peek-a-boo with map makers at the National Trust.

8.30 Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets Legendary chef Raymond Blanc welcomes the cameras into his kitchen to share his cooking secrets.

Raymond focuses on tomatoes, opening with a simple recipe for a salad inspired by his mother.

9.00 Out Of The Frying Pan See highlights.

10.00 Have I Got News For You Popular news quiz.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Great Ormond Street Cameras follow Great Ormond Street Hospital’s doctors as they come faceto-face with the most difficult ethical dilemmas on a daily basis.

12.20am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Maths

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Divided

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain is keen for Charity to keep their windfall quiet.

Quiet Dingles? S’not natural.

7.30 Coronation Street A lovestruck Sophie is desperate for Sian.

8.00 Tonight: Spotlight On The Leaders: David Cameron In the run-up to this week’s historic live television political debates with the party leaders, Mark Austin presents the first of three reports looking at the main contenders in the race.

8.30 Coronation Street Sophie heads off for Southport to confront Sian. Hope she’s got the train fare.

9.00 Joanna Lumley’s Nile Joanna Lumley goes on the trip of a lifetime – exploring the longest river in the world, the River Nile. In this first programme Joanna follows the Nile through Egypt capturing the spirit of Agatha Christie in Cairo and later on a Nile cruise.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Guru (2001) Starring Jimi Mistry, Heather Graham, Marisa Tomei. Comedy about an Indian dance instructor who heads for New York to find fame and fortune, but ends up in a porn movie.

12.20am In Plain Sight 1.10 Loose Women 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.50 Tonight: Spotlight On The Leaders: David Cameron 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Coach Trip 9.25 Will And Grace 9.55 Friends 10.30 Friends 11.00 Chipmunk: T4 Special 11.30 Hollyoaks Music Show 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 3 Minute Wonder: Loo Ladies 12.10 Small Railway Journeys 12.25 Location, Location, Location 1.25 FILM: Only The Valiant (1951) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste and Josh gatecrash Amy and Olly’s date.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Party Election Broadcast A party election broadcast. Boom!

Boom! Shake da room!

8.00 Young, Autistic And Stagestruck Nine autistic kids from across the UK join forces with theatre professionals to stage their own variety show. The opening episode of the series introduces the first five youngsters from the group – Ben, Andrew, Claire, Mollie and Jozsef.

9.00 Saxon Gold: Finding The Hoard The incredible story of one of the most significant discoveries of recent years: a 1,600-piece treasure hoard worth over £3 million, found in 2009 by metal detecting enthusiast Terry Herbert. Get down that beach!

10.00 The World’s Strangest Plastic Surgery And Me Mark Dolan immerses himself in the remarkable worlds of some incredible people in a series exploring what it means to be anything but average.

11.05 Joan Rivers Comedy Roast A host of American celebrities pay tribute to comedian Joan Rivers.

12.30am 4Music Favourites: Paramore 1.00 Ambreen: The Girl Boxer 1.25 FILM: Extreme Ops (2002) 3.00 The Sopranos 4.00 The War At Home (x2) 4.40 St Elsewhere 5.30 Year Dot

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.35 Igam Ogam 8.48 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.45 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Prairie Fever (2008) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Martha feels hurt after being rejected by Liam, and Tony is becoming increasingly worried about her mood swings.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn finds out how steel is made; discovers how household rubbish is turned into compost; and learns the secrets of cheese. Smell.

8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show presented by Jason Bradbury, Suzi Perry, Jon Bentley and Ortis Deley. In the 150th episode, Suzi dons a leather catsuit to recreate a famous film stunt and Jon tries his hand at celeb-snapping with the latest digital cameras.

9.00 FlashForward See highlights.

10.00 Justin Lee Collins: Good Times Cabaret-style chat show with Justin Lee Collins. This edition features an interview with comedian Katy Brand, darts fun with Ewan McGregor and music from Paloma Faith. (See p28 for our interview with Katy Brand).

11.00 FILM: Straw Dogs (1971) Starring Dustin Hoffman, Susan George, Peter Vaughan, T McKenna.

Controversial and violent thriller directed by Sam Peckinpah.

1.15am SuperCasino 4.05 House Doctor (x2) 4.55 Animal Rescue Squad 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 9.30 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 5.30pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 A League Of Their Own 11.30 Netbusters 12.00am SPL Round-Up 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Football League 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 European Rugby Special 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.00 Spanish Football 12.30pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Football First: Match Choice 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 Spanish Football 4.30 Scottish Cup Football 5.30 Wild Spirits 6.00 Snow Ride 6.30 NASCAR 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 To Be Announced 11.30 Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 12.30am NASCAR 1.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 3.00 PGA Tour Classic 4.00 Elite League Speedway

Sky Sports 3 6.00am European Rugby Special 7.00 The Premiership Years 9.00 Friday Fight Night 11.00 To Be Announced 1.00pm European Rugby Special 2.00 Football’s Next Star 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 9.00 PGA Tour Classic 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Soccer AM The Best Bits 5.15 Snow Ride 5.45 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm The Real A&E 1.30 Cold Case 2.30 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 Wedding SOS 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Body Language Secrets 9.00 House 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 24 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 The Real Hustle Undercover 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Undercover Princes And Princesses 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Gavin And Stacey 12.45 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Genius Of Omar Khayyam 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Goldsmiths: But Is It Art? 10.00 Imagine... Rufus Wainwright, Prima Donna.

See highlights. 10.55 The Genius Of Omar Khayyam 11.55 Guitar Heroes At The BBC: II 12.55am Young Musician Of The Year 2008

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 American Idol: 9 Finalists 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: The Pelican Brief (1993) 1.30am Coronation Street (x2)

1.55pm Born And Bred 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries 5.00 On The Buses 5.35 Heartbeat 6.45 Born And Bred 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Taggart 10.00 Ladies Of Letters 10.30 Rising Damp 11.00 The Bill: Great Responsibility 12.05am Kavanagh QC

2.05pm Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 The Cleveland Show (x2) 11.00 King Of The Hill 11.35 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) 1.50am My Name Is Earl

3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 Without A Trace 12.05am Brothers And Sisters

1.00pm Britain’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 2.30 Passport Patrol 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 9.00 Four Weddings 10.00 Cougar Town (x2) 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Human Body: Ultimate Machine 2.00 Elite Forces 3.00 World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Swords: Life On The Line 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Mythbusters (x2) 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files

1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: Meteor Storm (2010) 3.20 FILM: Dangerous Waters: Shark Attack (2005) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 FILM: 2012: Supernova (2009) 10.00 FILM: Lightning Strikes (2009) 11.40 FILM: Atomic Twister (2002) 1.30am Buffy The Vampire Slayer

3.05pm Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) 4.45 Pacific Profile - John Basilone 5.00 Dial M For Murder (1954) 7.00 The Halls Of Montezuma (1950) 9.00 Shane (1953) 11.00 The Oblong Box (1969) 12.45am Marnie (1964) 3.00 Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969)

11.55am Margot At The Wedding (2007) 1.35pm Once (2006) 3.05 I Think I Love My Wife (2007) 4.45 Bart Got A Room (2008) 6.10 Mongol (2007) 8.20 Adulthood (2008) 10.00 The Class (2008) 12.10am Twin Town (1997) 1.55 I Think I Love My Wife (2007) 3.35 The Grifters (1990)

11.00am Saddle The Wind (1958) 12.40pm Kipps (1942) 2.50 White Feather (1955) 4.55 The Sheriff Of Fractured Jaw (1958) 7.00 Mad Money (2008) 9.00 Enemy At The Gates (2001) 11.35 The Messengers (2007) 1.20am Garage (2007) 3.00 Matthew Vaughn On Kick-Ass 3.10 Close

1.00pm The House On Carroll Street (1988) 3.00 Alice (1990) 5.10 Along Came Jones (1945) 6.55 The Brink’s Job (1978) 9.00 Gorky Park (1983) 11.25 True Confessions (1981) 1.30am Ron Howard: 50 Years In Film 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 The House On Carroll Street (1988)

3.35pm My Family 4.15 As Time Goes By 5.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 5.55 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Porridge 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 The Vicar Of Dibley 9.20 The Royle Family 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.05 Men Behaving Badly 11.45 The Comic Strip Presents...

12.25am The Royle Family

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee (x2) 11.00 New South Park 11.30 Sex And The City (x2)

Classics

Indie

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