Latest 7: No. 703

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★ ALBION ★ NEWS ★ FOOD & DRINK ★ ENTERTAINMENT ★ TV GUIDE ★ 4 – 10 November 2014

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L7 CONTENTS

05 Latest People Bicycles, business, and body parts ...

EDITOR’S NOTE have been dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s (sometimes literally) as Editor of this fine magazine for nigh on six months now, but it feels more like six minutes. How did it get so late so soon? My goodness how the time has flewn! It would be remiss of me to claim those words as my own; credit goes to the one and only master of anapestic meter, Dr. Seuss. There’ll be prizes for anyone who can spot any other quotes about time from venerable sources that sneak their way into this introduction*.

Time is, after all, the most valuable thing a man (or, ahem ... woman, child or anyone else) can spend. And we’ve been spending it in the truckload here at L-HQ, keeping abreast of Brighton’s best comedy, music, theatre, TV and cultural events for the week ahead. Time and tide wait for no man (insert alternative noun), so if you spy something you’d like to get involved in, don’t delay!

I

> 4 – 10 NOVEMBER 2014

Diligence is key when you’re shooting ‘as-live’ for regional television, as the crew over at the Latest TV studios will know only too well. If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? Well, quite. Frank le Duc and Tim Ridgway deliver the news on pages 6 & 7. The Brighton Lights team have some fantastic guests this week – see pages 10 & 11 for news and gossip from Lynn Ruth, Richard and Guy. Jules Breach keeps us up to speed on sporty goings-on – visit page 9. And Andrew Kay has a noteworthy restaurant experience – page 17.

So as the old adage goes; chop chop, busy busy, work work, bang bang! We must govern the clock, not be governed by it.

Louise Bevan, Editor *Sadly, no real prizes, unless you count my heartfelt respect and appreciation.

Email your comments to editorial@thelatest.co.uk or visit us online at thelatest.co.uk

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06 Latest News Headlines with Frank le Duc, Tim Ridgway, and B&H City Council leader Jason Kitcat 09 Latest Sport Winning, losing, and keeping fighting fit 10 Brighton Lights Lynn Ruth Miller says play time is important; Richard Shayler hedges his bets; Guy Lloyd has a complicated relationship with social media 12 Bare Cheek Who needs Facebook?

13 Celeb City Rock music, fine dining, and celebrity-calibre grooming for the festive season 14 Kay Town Remember, remember, the 5th of November 14 Competitions Win Holiday On Ice tickets; Detectorists on DVD 15 Theatre Royal Brighton Baring all in a brand new production of award-winning The Full Monty 16 Hotlist Restaurants, cafes and takeaway listings 17 Cook It! The Pass restaurant surpasses expectations

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18 Entertainment News What’s on for stage, film, comedy, art & music in your city 22 Brighton Writes Andrew Bullock on Chelsea’s social elite; The Bored Gamers are counting up the hours 23 TV Listings Seven days of TV listings

Wednesday 5 November 2014 Action For Happiness: a movement promoting positive social change Doors 7.30pm, Free

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Sunday 9 November 2014 Dead Belgian: an unlikely bunch of Liverpudlians who specialise in recreating the songs of Jacques Brel Doors 8pm, £7 LATEST GROUP

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Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Latest Homes Commercial Manager Patrick Kneath

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under review

BOOKINGS

BRIGHT LIGHT

MICHAEL BALL

MOGWAI Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 26 October 2014 ★★★★★ or newer converts to Mogwai through their soundtrack to TV show ‘The Returned’ their very loud post-rock dynamics might have come as a shock. To older fans however, the musical peaks and screeching guitars were all present and correct, perhaps a little formulaic and predictable at some points in fact. The set was generously filled with favourites from their canon such as ‘George Square Thatcher Death Party’ and tracks off their latest album ‘Rave Tapes’ were a refreshing change of pace with a bigger focus on keyboards and melodies.

A strong rock performance with some great guitar effects work which was powerful at points but a little meandering at others.

F

Joe Fuller

The Brighton Centre, 14 April 2015, £40, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Michael Ball is Britain's leading musical theatre star, a double Olivier Award winner, multi-platinum recording artist and a hugely popular radio and TV presenter.

AN EVENING OF BURLESQUE Theatre Royal Brighton, 4 December 2014, £25/24, 0844 871 7615, www.atgtickets.com Flushed with success, now entering its fourth fabulous year, the world’s original touring burlesque spectacular is about to hit town.

Officially Britain’s biggest burlesque extravaganza – a quarter of a million people have now seen this show.

REVIEWS SARA PASCOE VS HISTORY A scalpel-sharp surgical dissection of sexuality and human relationships lay at the heart of Sara Pascoe’s breathless, and breath-taking, performance. She’s absolutely incandescent live; fearlessly funny, intelligent and perceptive with an

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innate adorability that instantly endeared her to her audience, whose own intelligence was required to complete some of the jokes. Her occasional forgetfulness (she had to consult her notes) earned her extra laughs and applause and a collective ‘Ah’ of delight. I left deliriously happy and energised by witnessing a truly brilliant comedian at the top of her game.

Studio Theatre, Brighton Dome, 24 October 2014 ★★★★★ Gary Mepsted CHEWING THE FAT: SELINA THOMPSON Like ‘The Vagina Monologues’ for fat people. Don’t worry; she has reclaimed the ‘F’ word. The very engaging Selina Thompson explores her body issues at different stages of her life. It’s about how she related to food, and how food affected her relationship with the world. She delivers a funny and heartfelt script with a Bacchanalian use of words and impressive imagery. However, all of this rumination doesn’t dig deep enough to reveal much psychological truth. The audience may tire of her continually covering herself (and the front row) in food … it starts to feel self-indulgent (aptly) and it puts you off your food (ironically).

Marlborough Theatre, 22 October ★★★★★ Martin Baron

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PEOPLE CYCLE THE UK COASTLINE – WITHOUT LEAVING BRIGHTON! If you’re a cyclist you can join hundreds at the UK’s oldest velodrome in Brighton’s Preston Park on Saturday 25 October, and help cycle the equivalent of the UK mainland coastline (roughly 30,000 laps) whilst raising money for two vital charities. Everyone from serious cyclists to families just wanting to get out on their bikes are welcome. There will also be cakes, refreshments and live music to keep spectators entertained.

Pedal in Preston Park was created by the family and friends of Rachel Evans-Milne who died in 2009 from Motor Neurone Disease, aged 44. They wanted to do something positive in her memory.

Alistair Milne, Rachel’s husband, explained: “Our first Pedal was in October 2010. 200 people took part and it was an amazing experience that raised £18,000 for the Motor Neurone Disease Association. It’s a fantastic event, and lots of non-cyclists attend. It’s fun, social, and not competitive in any way. The idea is that you register online, ask friends and family to sponsor you, then cycle as many laps of Preston Park velodrome as you can.

Pedal in Preston Park; Young Start Up Talent; Jamie McCartney’s ‘The Sum Of Our Parts’ exhibition

Each year we set a distance challenge. This year it’s to collectively cycle the distance of the UK mainland coastline. I know it’s ambitious, but if enough cyclists sign up I think we can do it.”

Pedal in Preston Park takes place on Saturday 25 October from 9am–5pm. Club cyclists ride between 9–12pm and then the track is open to all riders. Entry is £10 for adults, and under 16s go free. Everyone’s welcome and the minimum age is six years.

To enter, visit www.pedalinprestonpark.co.uk or turn up on the day.

but with an artist taking charge. Jamie took many separate shots and then collaged them to recreate the whole body or composite images of many body parts. They are largely nude portraits, engaging deliberately with the inescapable topics of sex and death, “avoiding any image manipulation or airbrushing so that they portray the beauty of natural bodies,” explained Jamie.

Jamie gave a brief introduction to the work to guests, followed by drinks and lively discussion.

To find out more about Jamie’s work, visit: www.jamiemccartney.com JAMIE MCCARTNEY’S ‘THE SUM OF OUR PARTS’ Brighton-based artist Jamie McCartney, the man behind the infamous ‘Great Wall of Vagina’, launched the latest exhibition of his experimental photographic work, ‘The Sum Of Our Parts’, at this year’s Brighton Photo Fringe.

Created using an adapted document scanner as his ‘camera’, Jamie jokingly described these artworks as the executive version of sitting on the office photocopier at the Christmas party,

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£50K PRIZE FUND FROM YOUNG START-UP TALENT Young Start-up Talent’s search for Brighton and Hove's entrepreneurial 16-25 year olds from local universities, colleges and schools is well under way. This week, Young Start-up Talent worked with City College students to inspire, encourage and instil a ‘can do’ attitude towards business. The workshop was a chance for students to gain an insight into the world of business, discuss their ideas and pitch them to their peers. The workshop was taken by Lorraine Nugent, a Founding Partner of the initiative who was recently announced as Influential Woman of the Year at the Natwest Venus awards.

Those students were excited to see the initiative back in the area for a third year, with the opportunity for their idea to gain the £50,000 prize fund to help take their business proposal to the next level.

Earlier this year, Natalie Evans of 42Juice was the winner, and has made leaps and bounds since she entered the process. Natalie has now opened her first shop in the heart of Brighton with orders increasing every week.

Latest TV were also in attendance as part of a six part ‘fly on the wall’-type documentary which is following the Young Start-up Talent process, and will be following every step of the process from now on.

The closing date for initial entries is Friday 31 October. For further information about Young Start-up Talent or to find out how to enter, visit: www.youngstartuptalent.co.uk

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LATEST BRIGHTON & HOVE NEWS

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat on the living wage Over 800 of the lowest-paid people working in our city have seen a pay rise, as a result of the Living Wage Commission we established three years ago.

The commission looked into how the living wage could be introduced into Brighton and Hove to ensure that the lowest paid workers earn enough to live on in our city.

We, the council, committed to the living wage, and supported a citywide campaign to encourage employers to raise the wages of their lowest paid employees too.

I’m proud to say that the Brighton and Hove living wage campaign is one of the most successful in the country. It’s the UK’s only business-led campaign, and there are now 151 local employers taking part.

The living wage is an idea that campaigners have pushed for some years, and which has really gained traction more recently. Too many people in our communities are being paid poverty wages that don't leave them enough money to live on.

There is of course the minimum wage, which about one in five of our residents are earning – but the reality is that it simply doesn’t keep up with the soaring costs of living. And we all pick up the bill for low pay, with the welfare system topping up people’s incomes so that they can survive.

Paying employees more is not only the right thing to do, and saves the public purse money, but it is good for business too.

Staff members feel more valued, are more likely to stay at an organisation, work better, and morale is higher. Local people also have more money in their pockets to spend in local shops which boosts the local economy.

A growing number of local employers are showing that it’s possible to reward employees and build a successful company at the same time, and I look forward seeing more sign up in this National Living Wage Week.

have the hassle of finding new people and training them up.”

The logic is appealing yet there is some resistance, most notably from those in hospitality, food and the tourist trade.

Nick Mosley, vice-chairman of the Tourism Alliance, said: “It’s important to say that I don’t think anyone objects to the principle. It’s just the realities of the sector.”

The hourly rate for staff may not take into account employee benefits such as tips, meals, a room or laundering uniforms.

And business operating margins can be punishingly tight.

Many pubs, clubs, cafés, restaurants, hotels and bed Photo: www.visitbrighton.com and breakfasts go bust or are put up for sale each year because they aren’t making enough money. Even the most popular can be hurt by a poor summer or a run of wet weekends.

A good Friday or Saturday night can compensate for only so many miserable Mondays.

Mr Mosley said there were nuances which were sometimes overlooked and flexibility was crucial to employers in these sectors.

He added: “The debate can get too simplistic.” Each business had to make its own judgment and should not be vilified if it felt unable to afford the living wage.

The Chamber of Commerce is focusing on the positives, promoting businesses that have agreed to pay staff £7.65 an hour or more. Apprentices and interns are exempt. This rate compares with the statutory minimum wage of £6.50 an hour. The figure is reviewed each year in November and the new hourly living wage was due to be announced yesterday (Monday).

“Signing up to the campaign customer service in some of gives us a chance to promote the businesses (that) I know are you as a living wage employer,” paying below the living wage, the Chamber of Commerce some businesses are employing said, adding: “It also enables monkeys. Paying a living wage those looking for a supplier that means that you’ll attract better is a living wage employer to employees. find you in the directory on our “And remember what a hassle website. It’s free to sign up and recruiting new people is. takes only a few minutes. We aim Interviewing, testing, checking to sign up 20 more businesses references, inductions and during Living Wage Week.” training – no business person For more information email particularly enjoys these tasks.

Grace Evans at campaigns@ Paying the living wage means businessinbrighton.org.uk or that staff are more likely to stay call 01273 719097. with you for longer so you don’t

FRANK LE DUC THE VOTE

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A growing number of businesses in Brighton and Hove have agreed to pay a living wage to their workers his week is Living Wage Week. The aim is to encourage more employers to pay, not just the national minimum wage, but a living wage. A few years ago the Prime Minister David Cameron said: “It is an idea whose time has come.”

London mayor Boris Johnson said that paying the living wage was “not only morally right but makes good business sense too”.

In Brighton and Hove wages have traditionally been below the regional average, while living costs have been nearer to those in London. Yet a surprising number of employers are signing up. The driving force behind the living wage campaign locally has been the Brighton and Hove Chamber of Commerce with backing from Brighton and Hove City Council.

Among the latest to sign up for the local campaign are Madison Solutions, Kare Plus and Brighton Pavilions Boutique B&B. John and Clare Woods, the branch directors of Kare Plus Brighton, said: “We are committed to ensuring excellent care is received by service users from our team and one way to ensure this quality is by valuing our staff and paying a fair wage.”

More than 140 businesses, charities, social enterprises and public sector organisations have now signed up to the Brighton and Hove Living Wage Campaign.

When employers debated the merits of paying staff a living wage, Chamber of Commerce president Julia Chanteray pointed out the benefits for firms.

She said: “There’s the old adage, ‘if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.’ And judging by the

T

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Staff are more likely to stay with you for longer so you don’t have the hassle of finding new people and training them up

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TIM RIDGWAY LATEST NEWS

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This week’s headlines from across the city

RICHEST REVEALED Ever wondered where the richest part of Brighton and Hove was?

Well, thanks to new figures from the Office for National Statistics, I can tell you that it’s the Hove Park area. Apparently households there earn an average weekly wage of £930.

Locals said the reason the affluent flocked there was due to the perfect location, which was acceptable to young and old.

Expect property prices to rocket any time soon...

LIVING WAGE Brighton and Hove has become a living wage city.

What started as a idea muted by the city council has turned into a campaign led by businesses.

And now, in Living Wage week, it can be revealed that more than 150 businesses have signed up to pay their staff a minimum of £7.65 an hour.

Speaking to those who have already signed up, they say the impact it has staff is immeasurable.

But not every one is so keen, with some in the tourism industry still reluctant to pay more than they legally have to.

GIANT PEEPERS IN TOWN Meet Brighton’s new giant peepers.

These larger-than-life characters (pictured above) were installed at Brighton’s Royal Pavilion by artist Maisie Broadhead.

The exhibition is designed to make you feel like people are being watched – and as Latest TV’s

in Brighton is putting on a new version of the show for Halloween – all for Sussex Beacon.

The spooktacular show saw dancers perform a shortened version of the musical as diners tucked in at Brighton’s Hilton Metropole.

And with Biggins hosting the event, it sure went down a treat.

MONSTER PUMPKIN Is this Brighton and Hove’s biggest pumpkin? We certainly think so.

The 33kg monster was picked out by Brighton newsagent Vinod Mashru as part of his daily fruit and veg order.

And to raise money for charity, he spent last week challenging customers to pick it up.

Let’s hope it didn’t squash anyone...

Marina Life Kirsty Pollard: Check out our special December ‘Santa Bungee Jump’ ancy doing something special this Christmas? How about fundraising for Mencap by taking the plunge off a 160ft crane bungee jump?

The first ten can jump for free (minimum sponsorship levels apply). Once the first ten slots have gone, additional jumpers will then pay £50. All proceeds from this festive bungee will go to Mencap, the leading voice of learning disability in the UK.

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James Lillywhite found out, it certainly has that impact.

The exhibition will run till March.

HOVE FOOTBRIDGE Residents are up in arms over the bridge at Hove Station.

While Brighton station has received plenty of funding recently, the terminal down the road appears to have been overlooked.

Central to the frustration is the footbridge – which is plagued by vandalism and difficult for those with mobility users to access.

But as we found out, getting someone to own up to looking after the overpass is proving a tad difficult.

REMEMBRANCE On Thursday the nation will bow its head for Remembrance Day. This year’s event will be even more poignant as it ties in to British troops leaving Afghanistan after almost 15 years of fighting.

Ceremonies will take place across the city on Sunday – with the main event taking place at Brighton’s Old Steine.

Over in Worthing, local MP Tim Loughton is using the day to award an Artic Star Medal to those veterans who served aboard the Artic Conveys in World War Two. I for one will be wearing my poppy with pride.

PRANKSTER FLOORS OFFICIALS And finally, one prankster is so fed up with a bricked walkway being tarmacked over, he has told council officials exactly what he thinks.

The peeved resident has scrawled “unacceptable” in chalk on the blackened surface in Montague Street, Worthing – even adding a phone number f or people to complain.

West Sussex County Council said the tarmac was a temporary measure and it would be repaired soon.

Proof that when it come to pranks, Worthing is streets ahead...

HORROR SHOW The Rocky Horror Show has entertained hundreds of fans across the world since its release.

And one local theatre company

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Brighton Marina are official partners of Mencap for 2013/14.

Together our aim is to help raise money for Mencap’s Young Ambassador Programme, which helps young people aged 16-24 with a learning disability to find employment, build confidence and take on new challenges.

When is it?

6/7 December 2014*. (*Free jumpers leap at 1.45pm on 6 December.)

Breakdown: • Jump Height is 160ft • Crane bungee jump • Pre-booking is essential • Santa suit provided!

Minimum sponsorship is £150.

Once at the top you will hear the famous countdown: “3, 2, 1, bungee!” Then, it’s up to you!

To sign up and for more information, contact Julian Kosh on julian.kosh@mencap.org.uk Tel: 07939 801927 (mobile) or 0207 454 0454 (office) Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager: kirsty.pollard@x-leisure.co.uk www.brightonmarina.co.uk

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PACKING A PUNCH

Jules Breach from Latest Sport on winning, losing, and keeping fighting fit

ello sports fans! Last week you all found out loads of random facts about each of us on the team, so hopefully you feel like you know us a lot better. I now feel like I can write this article all about my love for The Backstreet Boys ... but I won’t. As tempting as it is.

On to the sport. Were you at The Amex for Brighton vs Rotherham last week? Well, it was yet another draw for us, and being a home game that really wasn’t good enough. We also proved that our defensive players are better at scoring goals than our strikers, yet again! That can’t be right can it?

Joe Bennett scored our only goal of the match, and joins Greer and Dunk on the defenders’ scoring list for the season. It was gutting to concede that equaliser so soon after the second half kicked off ... I was at the game and I’d only just enjoyed finishing off my steak pie so I actually missed the goal! Annoying, and very bad timing. Cheers fellas.

Anyway, onwards and upwards, because as I write this we only have a few hours to go until we travel up to Whitehart Lane for our cup tie with Spurs! I’ll be chatting more about that next week, as unfortunately, due to deadlines, this column will already have been sent to be published before the ref even thinks of blowing his whistle.

But last week on Latest Sport we had a great time with all of our guests. On Matchday Breakfast,

H

Tim and Joseph were joined by John Rattle, chairman of Burgess Hill Football Club, ahead of their big game at Dartford in the FA Cup. The boys ended up losing 3-1 to the conference side, but we’ve got to give credit where it's due; they gave it their best, but the fitness of the full timers edged our local Ryman side on the day.

Nevertheless, Burgess Hill still remain undefeated in the league and are now focusing all their energy on promotion, so we wish Chappers and the boys all the best.

We’ll be rooting for you!

Tim and Joseph were thankfully also joined by a couple of the Albion ladies on the sofa, as it was getting far too manly for my liking.

The girls gave a really inspiring chat about being ladies in such a

Watch Latest Sport on

male dominated sport, and we even got to see a compilation of some of their goals and a bit of showboating, too. Go on the girls!

As they said as well, it really only takes you to go down and watch them play to get the real bug for women’s football, and you’ll soon find yourself following them. After all, they’re scoring more goals than our first team at the moment!

On At The Amex last weekend, the guys were also joined by special guest Lloyd Ellett. He’s our Brighton born-and-bred light middleweight boxer, he’s undefeated, and he’s managed three knockouts in his career too. You don’t want to mess with this bloke!

Lloyd spoke to the boys about his upcoming fight at the Crusader Fright Night event at the Brighton Metropole on Friday 31 October. I’ll be hosting the event on the night so I’ll have the full details about all the fights and the boxers in next week’s issue. I managed to catch up

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with Lloyd at The Amex, as he was there watching the Rotherham game last weekend. There wasn’t much fighting talk; I was more interested in how these boxers keep up their crazy strict diets in the lead up to a big fight. I’ve always got food on my brain. And more importantly, we had a bit of school rivalry banter too. Lloyd went to Varndean and I was a Newman girl, so us Hove lot always have a bit of beef with any other school other than our own!

I’m hoping I may have got him in the mood for his fight, but then again, I’m sure he has much better ammo to get him fired up than a bit of playground school bants from little old me ...

Good luck to Lloyd and all the other local boys. We’ll have the full run down next week.

Til then sports fans! Jules X

Follow me: @julesysowa

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L7 BRIGHTON LIGHTS Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL DOLL! Lynn Ruth Miller on the toys we play with ...

U.S. study has concluded that the dolls you play with influence your career choices. When American children play with sexy Barbie dolls, they want to grow up to do girlie things like go to Hollywood and get humped by the stars, but when they play with dolls made out of potatoes, they think there is no limit to what they can do with their lives. It all goes to show that image is everything.

You have to admit that when you see curvaceous women in movies and on television, they are often doing very ‘feminine’ things like flirting with policemen or dancing provocatively in revealing undies. You know, instinctively, that women like that never pay for a meal or have to take a bus home. It is the thickankled ladies in print dresses with no visible cleavage who end up locked to a stove and a Hoover in their prime. And what fun is that?

Every med student who specializes in plastic surgery instead of healing the poor knows what a money maker that preconceived notion is. Ordinarily clever women will blow their grocery money on a shot of silicone to puff up their lips, just to be like the toys we played with as a child. If we change our playthings, our self-image will change as well.

We won’t give a toss about Barbie or Ken’s silhouette; we will thirst for the bumps and curves of a root vegetable.

Indeed, we can restructure our children’s ambitions by giving them potatoes to play with instead of human-shaped dolls. They can dress them in frilly dresses or put them in macho uniforms and carry them around to cuddle and talk to when Mummy and Daddy won’t listen.

If you start a child early enough, their goals in life will become far more realistic. Young women will ache to become thick-wasted, faceless entities with little protrusions on their skin like the playthings that comforted them when they took a nap; boys will no longer gobble up porn with its images of hairless, busty women and muscular, wellhung men. Instead, they will go crazy with desire when they see a local farmer yanking a yam out of the earth.

I envision a new world where the elderly, with their aging bodies and shapeless silhouettes, will suddenly become the most sought-after centerfolds in magazines and on the screen. Estrogen-deprived women with moustaches will turn on men with potbellies and bowing legs and anyone who dares to eat chips will be accused of cannibalism.

So take heart, all you people with bad measurements and loose body parts. If you wait long enough, your image will eventually be ‘in’.

“People are obsessed with … Hairless, fatless Barbie Dolls.”

- Gaby Hoffman

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LATESTWRITES

LYNN RUTH MILLER

Estrogen-deprived women with moustaches will turn on men with potbellies

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LUCK OF THE DRAW Richard Shayler is hedging his bets adies and Gentlemen, please place your bets now!” Right, black or red? Black or red? I went black before ... so I’ll go for that one. Oh but hang on, If I went for it before I should probably go red this time. No, let’s keep it black. Go with what you know. I did before and I don’t like change.

The sound of the spinning ball pinging back and forth in the roulette wheel is almost a bit too much. The croupier looks aimlessly at everyone betting. I look at him and smile, he immediately looks away.

That’s good, though; I don’t want him to be my friend.

Friends don’t take all your money, put it in a tube and then send it down another tube.

“L

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“No more bets, please.” At the last minute, I switch my bet to red.

I close my eyes. The ball ricochets off what seems like a thousand bits of metal. I hear someone muttering under his breath. I smell the felt of the table; it smells like broken dreams. Finally the ball reaches its final destination. I open my eyes.

Black fifteen.

I’d lost. And I’d lost a lot. It felt like Lady Luck had cheated on me with my best mate, then cheated on him with me and then cheated on me again with him. It was a neverending cycle of pain and misery. I left the casino unhappy that she could have done such a thing. But I knew my luck would turn around soon ... and it has done! In the form of Brighton Lights!

We’ve got such an amazing week lined up, I feel like the luckiest producer alive. John

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Channel 8

Channel 159

thelatest.tv Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

Bentley, the legendary bassist from ‘Squeeze’, will be performing all week with his new band. And If that wasn’t enough, we’ve also got Chris Foreman (from Madness) on the sofa!

Laura Coleman dropped by from The Onca Gallery to tell us all about her new exhibition.

She’s also sailing the pacific ocean: madness! Ingrid Dahle will be talking all things comedy and Cherry Shakewell will be talking all things cabaret. They are both exceedingly good. We’ve got the composer in residence coming in from Glyndebourne to talk about the first ever sci-fi opera; think Blade Runner meets Madame Butterfly. Sinna1 wowed us all with his amazing street art, and to top it all off we’ve got the one and only Harry Shearer as well! Harry Shearer! The voice of The Simpsons’ Mr. Burns ... and Smithers!

I looked back at the guest list for the week, and I couldn’t quite believe it. You really don’t want to miss out on any of the shows this week, Wednesday to Saturday at 7pm on Freeview Channel 8, Virgin Media Channel 159 or live online at thelatest.tv.

Remember, if you ever want to be a part of the audience, please email me at richard@thelatest.tv.

We film every Tuesday night.

You’ll have to be lucky to get a spot, though; we fill up pretty quick. Although I have heard Lady Luck is single at the moment.

Maybe take her on a date?

Follow me: @latestrichard

VOYEURISM, SOCIAL MEDIA STYLE Guy Lloyd on social media; it’s complicated and twitter for my job. As far as facebook is concerned I accept all friendship, unless you have no profile photo or I’ve met you on the street and I have concerns about your mental health.

As a consequence, I have over 4,000 friends on facebook, and that’s a lot of babies and cats to look at every working day.

However, since people rarely text or phone in to radio shows anymore (or maybe it’s just mine), facebook has become an invaluable tool to get listeners involved in content that I’m talking about, and a great way to gauge opinion from different walks of life.



LATESTWRITES

GUY LLOYD t was announced this week that the good people at facebook have decided against introducing a ‘dislike’ button. The main reason being, they didn’t want to encourage negativity.

Ironic, really, when they invented the very platform for people to have a public moan about how late their bus is or how tired they are.

Part of me was quite excited about the ‘dislike’ feature. I think it would have shaken things up a bit.

We love watching fights unfold on facebook, don’t we? It can take one misquote or turn of phrase and it all kicks off; we can sit from afar and watch the drama unfold, like a curtain twitching neighbour. I guess we (or maybe it’s just me) are getting a little fed up with facebook, but like the natural voyeurs we are, we’ll always come back to see what’s going on; which is nearly always very little.

I myself have an odd relationship with social media. I need facebook

holidays my son goes up to visit his grandparents in Bolton for a week.

This year he got quite homesick, and desperately wanted to come home. My wife and I were both tied to our jobs, so I put it out on facebook to see if anyone that may be in the area, at that particular time, who may, by coincidence, by heading to Brighton on that same day, could pick up our son and bring him home. A long shot I know, but it happened, and our boy was delivered safely the very next day.

So facebook certainly has its uses.

I prefer twitter, personally. It’s just a lot more sexy and much more direct and concise. There’s

I

Watch Brighton Lights at 7pm on

That’s a lot of babies and cats to look at Also, if you want to find the best nasal hair trimmer in town, people will give you really good recommendations. It can have extraordinary communal power at times. For instance, in the summer

on Freeview channel 8, • LATEST 7 11 www.thelatest.co.uk •

less moaners on there and the content is generally more interesting. Also, if you like a good celebrity death, you’ll always be the first to find out.

Overall, I would say: dip in. Don’t let it run your life and don’t get too involved. Go and meet a mate in the pub instead, it’s much healthier.

Right, I’ve now got to put this on facebook and twitter. Please like, and retweet. (I hate myself.)

Follow me: @guy_lloyd

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

012_LS703_barecheek_011_LS466_interview 31/10/2014 09:48 Page 2

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

LATESTWRITES

BARE CHEEK Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

M

any columnists have passed through the pages of Latest 7 magazine over the past decade, moving on to pastures new, while we have hung on grimly by our fingernails resisting all attempts to dislodge us, like some particularly hardy strain of barnacle. But what happened to those famous faces who once graced this rag? We reveal all.

YES, IT’S THE BARE FACEBOOK SUBSTITUTE o you waste a goodly proportion of your waking hours checking Facebook?

Do you wish you could rid your life of its baleful influence, and finally get round to writing that novel, or at least tidying the shed? Well, salvation is at hand – merely cut out and keep the following Generic Facebook Page (which contains 100% of your daily Facebook content) and stare at it for one second whenever you feel like looking at Facebook.

D

A Bloke You Know Slightly posts something A Bit Right Wing.

David Cameron inexplicably asks you for you opinion on How He’s Doing, the f*****g c***.

You Just Won’t Believe what this baby/puppy /kitten/child/old man/old woman’s reaction is to this other baby/puppy /kitten/child/old man/old woman.

A Woman changes her profile picture and receives two dozen insincere compliments.

Someone is proud of something His Kid has done. Someone else posts A Hilarious Thing about what kind of people read what kind of newspapers.

A Woman recommends something

by Another Woman.

Some Wazzock posts some statistic (e.g. 97% of British MPs have been in jail) that you take at face value and only later think Wait A Minute...

A Bloke mentions something jammy that has happened to him and tries to make it sound like he isn’t bragging, even though he is.

Which Character From Gaspar Noe’s Irreversible Are You? Take This Fun Quiz To Find Out. A Neo Nazi Organisation tries to trick you into liking them by putting up a picture of A Duck On A Skateboard.

Unconvincing Mock News Item unworthy of April Fools or Sunday Sport (or even Bare Cheek).

Marc the Vet After being insulted by an unusually articulate parrot whose broken wing he was attempting to put in a splint, Marc left the veterinary profession.

He now works as an exorcist in Eastbourne, and pens a column, ‘Marc the Exorcist’, for the Herald.

Matt Whistler The hilarious nude tobogganist is now Professor of Comedy at America's Columbia University.

He was recently invited by Harvard to deliver the prestigious Norton Lectures in 2015.

Danni The Latest magazine's bold, intrepid, 11-year-old columnist is now a dog-catcher employed by the local council. She was in the news in 2012 after being outwitted and locked in her own van by a Dandie Dinmont Terrier.

Momma Malone The single-mother columnist is the brains behind Bop It!, and is a multimillionaire. Currently, she is training a private army in the extensive grounds of her Surrey mansion.

Disgruntled Dad or Whatever He Was Called Disgruntled Dad, or whatever he was called, is now a cage-fighter working under the name ‘Luke Angry’. In October he hit the headlines when his family volunteered him – seemingly without his knowledge or consent – for a relief expedition to Sierra Leone.

Katie Glass Lovable roving showbiz reporter Katie bowed to the inevitable and opened her own doubleglazing business in Chingford in 2011. Customers who quote this column can get a 15% discount at ‘Glass Glass’.

The Maydays The multitudinous ‘improv’ group now all work in the same branch of Curry’s in Goldstone Retail Park. Since September 2013 they have offered a unique service: they will improvise a musical based on any product in Curry’s range; simply quote the relevant catalogue number and the style you want. (This service is provided free of charge.)

Seann Walsh The floppy-haired stand-up earns a crust these days as a valet, working for the Duke of Devonshire. In this role he provided off-colour material for the Duke’s eulogy given at the recent funeral of the late Dowager Duchess, fondly known as ‘Debo’.a plain bread roll.

Follow us: @MitchellnNixon

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Call Ruth or Stella on 01273 687171. Or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk • LATEST 7 12 www.thelatest.co.uk •

013_LS703_celebcity_011_LS466_interview 30/10/2014 11:32 Page 3

CELEB CITY



with Jo Brooks SPONSORED BY

Brighton’s Royal Blood; celebrities fine dining; French Connection & Trevor Sorbie’s beauty tips

SEASONS GROOMINGS ll you fashionistas out there, here is a date for your diary that you won’t want to miss! Block out Thursday 6 November from 5pm, because French Connection will be unveiling their fabulous Christmas collection and the brilliant award-winning Trevor Sorbie team will be running a pop-up blow-dry bar in the East Street store, giving you great hair and top tips for the party season.

As if that wasn’t enough, the top beauty experts from Bare Minerals will be on hand for make-overs, advice and much more. The store will also be launching their ‘Movember’ campaign, so all you ‘tache growing folk out there can come along to get your groom on. Fashion, beauty and more … it’s high time you treated yourself. See you there!

A

FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK Brighton Rock duo Royal Blood have had an amazing year. Not only have they scored a No. 1 album with their debut eponymous release and been credited with single-handedly resurrecting rock music for a new generation, they have also been (at time of going to press) nominated for the Mercury Prize.

Statistics point to a home win for the south coast lads, as Sussexbased bands won the first two prizes; Primal Scream in 1992 and

Suede in 1993, and of course Gomez in 1998. Album artwork was created by the amazing Dan Hillier whose atmospheric Victorian inspired etchings are just delicious.

See more at www.danhillier.com.

DINNER COMPANIONS It’s certainly not all glamour at JBPR towers. But this week, we treated ourself to a spot of edible indulgence at the West End’s most glamorous dining room, The Wolseley. It was a special occasion, being our Clare’s 35th

birthday (again) so we booked a To round the whole evening off, table (via the restaurant’s we spied actor Andy Serkis. The delectable Jason) and settled in actor is known to millions for his to enjoy the very best European role as Gollum in Peter Jackson’s cuisine with a side order of celeb Lord of the Rings, the eponymous spotting. ape in Jackson’s King Kong First up, we spied star and as Captain Haddock Have you of stage and screen Tom in Steven Spielberg’s celeb Conti looking in rude The Adventures of spotted a in the city? health, and dining Tintin. Andy was dining with friends. Despite with his family to comment .uk .co his many roles, Tom celebrate his @thelatest will always be for me daughter’s 16th the love-’em-and-leavebirthday; accompanying ’em Greek lothario who him was his wife Lorraine wooed Liverpudlian housewife Ashbourne, an acclaimed actress Shirley Valentine. perhaps best known for her role in Seated not two tables from Tom BBC TV drama Playing the Field. was the UK’s most pre-eminent fashion and celeb photographer, Follow me: latestcelebcity Terry O’Neill, who was sat at the very next table to Burberry Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based designer and all-round fashion PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, Wunderkid, Christopher Bailey. www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures At 76, Terry was looking in to job@jb-pr.com fine form, while Christopher was looking rather agitated as he awaited his rather tardy dining companion.

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• LATEST 7 13 www.thelatest.co.uk •

22 New Road Brighton BN1 1UF

014_LS703_kay_comps_011_LS466_interview 31/10/2014 10:59 Page 2



LATESTWRITES

ANDREW KAY SPONSORED BY

Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

W

hilst most of the country will be shivering in the dark and watching their hard earned literally go up in smoke, I will be doing something very different on November the fifth.

It’s years since I celebrated bonfire night or Guy Fawkes.

It simply does nothing for me, and for a number of reasons.

The first I have already alluded to: the sheer waste of money, hundreds of thousands of pounds up in smoke and – am I being a curmudgeon? – pollution. Surely all those chemicals blasted into the sky cannot be any good for us?

Secondly, the danger. I know this first hand ... or should I say, first foot. Picture this: it’s 1961, a chill late autumn afternoon and

FIZZ BANG

Whilst you are enjoying loud bangs, I will be listening to the gentle popping … of corks Mum is in the kitchen baking parkin and making treacle toffee.

My brother and I are in the front room stuffing an assortment of rags into some discarded clothes.

It’s meant to be a Guy, but it looks more like our grandfather as they are mostly his discarded clothes. At about 5.15pm, Dad returns home from work and we rush to the hall to greet him with more than our usual enthusiasm.

Why? Well, on this night he will have returned with a box of Brocks or Standard fireworks. A small box, but enough to add to the celebrations when we join our neighbours for bonfire night.

By six o’clock we have put on our warmest clothes; thick jumpers knit by Aunty Betty, long scarves and gloves on strings threaded through the sleeves of our duffle coats. Mum tries to persuade me to wear my balaclava but I refuse. I know that when it gets wet, which it no doubt will, it

I rather liked these odd incendiary devices that burned red or green. Or at least I used to ...

will rub and chap my chin.

Chapped chins were the blight of my childhood and all down to knitted headgear.

We walk, as a family, to a small patch of waste land close to our house. For weeks we have been gathering waste timber and wood to build what is now a rather impressive bonfire. Everyone has taken something along to eat and share; there are potatoes wrapped in tin foil to throw into the embers, cakes and toffee. Mum adds hers to

the trestle table and illicits a chorus of oohs and aahs. She is regarded as a good cook and the arrival of her parkin is much lauded.

On another trestle table, no doubt borrowed from the church hall, one neighbour has declared himself firework captain and is sorting the assembled offerings into groupings. It will hardly be a massive display, but he is making a major song and dance of it.

At 6.30pm the fire is lit. Our Guy is sat on top, and with the crudely drawn mask it looks rather less like our grandfather, thankfully.

The Firework Führer declares the evening open with a round of sparklers, and in gloved hands we write our glittering names in the dark. Next come the flare matches.

For some reason I rather liked these odd incendiary devices that burned red or green. Or at least I used to.

One boy, slightly older than me, has decided that they look best when tossed into the air. I am not convinced, and even less convinced when one of them drops into the top of my wellingtons. There, it catches light to my synthetic football sock, needed to make my too-big-boots fit. The result – molten nylon on flesh. I miss the rest of the night, the treacle and baked spuds and parkin, as I sit in casualty. I hate bonfire night and I hate fireworks. This year, for me, it’s sparkling wines at Hotel du Vin.

Follow me: latestandrew

 COMPETITIONS

away to anyone who can answer this question: ‘Platinum’ celebrates how many years of Holiday On Ice?

WIN HOLIDAY ON ICE TICKETS Holiday On Ice returns to The Brighton Centre this January with a spectacular brand new 70th anniversary show, ‘Platinum’, visiting the UK for one week only.

We’ve a family ticket for the opening night, on Tuesday 6 January 2015 at 8pm, to give

sitcom, written by, directed and starring Mackenzie Crook (The Office, Pirates of the Caribbean) alongside his co-star Toby Jones (The Hunger Games, The Girl). It premieres on BBC4 tonight and comes to DVD courtesy of RLJ Entertainment’s Acorn Label.

We’ve got five copies of the DVD to give away to anyone who can answer this question:

WIN ‘DETECTORISTS’ ON DVD Metal detecting is the hobby du jour in this acclaimed new BBC

What was Mackenzie Crook’s character’s name in The Office ... was it Geoff, Gareth, or Gilbert?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

With the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 10 November 2014.

• LATEST 7 14 www.thelatest.co.uk •

015_LS703_theatre royal_011_LS466_interview 31/10/2014 10:56 Page 3

L7 COVER STORY

A stellar cast and award winning production team bare all at the Theatre Royal Brighton

I

n 1997, a British film about six out-of-work Sheffield steelworkers with nothing to lose took the world by storm, becoming one of the most successful British films ever made.

Now the boys are back, except this time, they really have to go The Full Monty ... live on stage in Brighton.

Simon Beaufoy, the Oscar winning writer of the film, has

gone all the way with this hilarious and heartfelt adaptation. It’s getting standing ovations in theatres round the country every single night. The production also features the iconic songs from the film by Donna Summer, Hot Chocolate and Tom Jones.

The all star cast includes Gary Lucy (EastEnders, winner of Dancing on Ice, Footballer’s Wives,

The Bill), Andrew Dunn (best known as Tony in Dinnerladies and regular appearances playing Alistair Campbell on Bremner, Bird and Fortune), Louis Emerick (Mick Johnson in Brookside and PC Walsh in Last of the Summer Wine, a role he has played, on and off, for over 20 years), Martin Miller (recently, Hitchcock in the New York production of The

Lovesong of Alfred J Hitchcock), Rupert Hill (Jamie Baldwin in Coronation Street) and Bobby Schofield, one of the most exciting young actors around, who makes his stage debut.

This new production is directed by award winning director Roger Haines. His recent credits include the world premiere of the musical The Go-Between which won the UK Theatre Awards Best Musical Award, and the national tour of Calendar Girls.

Advanced sales for The Full Monty are really strong, so don’t miss the chance to see this award winning production which comes to the Theatre Royal Brighton direct from London’s West End. The Full Monty, Mon 8 – Sat 13 Dec, Eves 7.45pm, Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* (*booking fees apply)

NOVEMBER SALE NOW ON! Glasses from £99 (including prescription lenses)

• LATEST 7 15 www.thelatest.co.uk •

016_LS703_hotlist_011_LS466_interview 31/10/2014 10:15 Page 2

HOTLIST Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk BRITISH & MODERN EUROPEAN BARDSLEY’S Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

INDIAN CHAULA’S LEWES Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor

and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan as well as gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk CHAULA’S BRIGHTON A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting.

Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings.

The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy gheebased sauces here but an

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour.

Both delicious and affordable.

Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99.

Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

out new ground in home dining.

Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches, with regional curries and homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at thechillipicklecanteen.com, 01273 900384

THE CHILLI PICKLE The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere.

The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton, 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

THE CHILLI PICKLE CANTEEN The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indian-inspired design, specially commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake

ITALIAN DONATELLO Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £7.95 or three for £9.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos.

Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ 01273 775477 www.donatello.co.uk

THAI STREET THAI Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients.

Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two courses at £9.75 and three courses at £11.75.

Street Thai, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton, BN1 1HD, 01273 207444

UP TO 50% OFF YOUR FOOD BILL TABLE POUNCER Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill. Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150 • LATEST 7 16 www.thelatest.co.uk •

017_LS703_cook It_011_LS466_interview 29/10/2014 14:55 Page 3

with Andrew Kay Michelin starred excellence from Matt Gillan at The Pass

STARRY STARRY LUNCH one of the highlights of my Live Food Show at the Brighton and Hove Food & Drink Festival this autumn was inviting superstar chef Matt Gillan to the stage.

To be honest, I was nervous; right now Matt is hot news, with TV appearances and accolades for his fabulous dining experience at South Lodge near Horsham. But I need not have worried. Matt is charming, down to earth and quite brilliant, and the dish that he prepared was simply stunning.

Embarrasingly, I had never been to The Pass, a grave oversight on my part and one that neeeded to be remedied. When a friend declared that it was her birthday wish to go there, a few of us jumped at the opportunity. The journey by train was less than easy, and it would certainly have been easier by car, but no-one wanted to miss out on a full experience, so train it was.

South Lodge stands in extensive parkland and is very smart indeed, but The Pass has a relaxed air about it with high tables, bare wood tops and an open kitchen that can be seen by all. Matt, depsite his stardom, is certainly there running the show. I’ve eaten in far too many restaurants where the starred chef is absent.

We chose from a selection of set menus the gourmet experience at £37.50 a head, for a tasting menu that simply kept on coming. Canapes were presented as cornets of humous and cream cheese and tiny cheese biscuits, and an amuse bouche. Unbilled was a veloute of sweet potato with grapefruit; the bread, four checkerboard sections in one loaf came with excellent butter and three kinds of salt ... I know, three kinds of salt! And all surprisingly interesting.

The first course – yes, the others were simply an overture – was an amazing dish of parmesan and dried tomatoes, presented so beautifully that you paused before destroying it. But my word, what flavours.

Next, chicken wing with duck liver, again incredible to look at but mind-blowing to eat,

O

Watch Cook It! at 8pm on

with a stunning sorbet and edible flowers that were actually worth eating.

Each dish is delivered and described by a chef, and when Matt came out I asked him specifically about his Jacob’s Ladder braised in CocaCola.

Bless him if he didn’t send it out for us as an extra course, and wow; soft, sweet beef dressed with a horseradish ice-cream and onions cooked until golden and crisp in butter. Heaven!

On to a piece of skate with a hazelnut crust, trompettes and shallot with a spicy red lentil puree. My tongue and my mind were spinning with delight.

Pork belly delivered equally, again incredibly tender, cooked for 24 hours but packing a really hefty piggy punch, and as for the powdered crackling ... give me more! Full marks too for carrots that tasted of carrot; a rare thing these days.

Then a pre-dessert of lemon, oats and honeycomb, a dainty dish with a big impact.

We all loved that. It was followed by an amazing combination of peach and white chocolate that was delicate and refined. There we should have stopped, really. My palate was tantalised, my mind overflowing and my tummy full; they may be ‘tasting dishes’ but they are very satisfying.

on Freeview channel 8,

• LATEST 7 17 www.thelatest.co.uk •

We all chose to have the matched flight of wines, one with each course, except dessert where we had one with the pair. Each wine was impressive, matched with skill, and presented so expertly by the sommeliers who were attentive but discreet.

We all thought that coffee was a good idea, and it was, except that it came with a selection of five petit fours – for each of us. I, of course, felt it was essential to try them all, and as a consequence felt rather too full, but in a good way. The girls sensibly wrapped theirs in tissues, until a waiter kindly boxed them up in individual silver boxes. I wish I had done that, too.

At just under £75 a head for our food and wine, this was perhaps an extravagance, but compared to some recent bills it was incredible value; an amazing experience at the hands of a genius chef and his excellent team. I cannot wait to return and do it all again.

South Lodge, Brighton Road, Nr. Horsham, West Sussex, RH13 6PS, 01403 892235 www.southlodgehotel.co.uk

Follow me: latestandrew

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

018-019_LS703_stage_filmart_011_LS466_interview 31/10/2014 11:39 Page 2

stage / film / comedy / art / music

L7 ENTERTAINMENT NEWS Watch Latest entertainment on

STAGE Andrew Kay

on Freeview channel 8,

Love’ tour. This all-female improv troupe, drawn from the LBQ community, delight in entertaining a mixed audience. And each of the eight performers has a different sense of humour, ensuring all comedy tastes are catered for. Expect a night of improvised comedy sketches, silly songs and laughably rubbish raffle prizes. Get your tickets quick, as their last two gigs in Brighton sold out!

The Short and Girlie Show, Verdict, 159 Edward Street, Brighton, BN2 0JB Advance Saver Tickets £6, £8 on the door www.shortandgirlie.com www.wegottickets.com/event/293256



A LITTLE OF WHAT YOU FANCY There’s something to suit all tastes at theatres across Brighton this November ew Venture Theatre is a jewel in Brighton’s cultural crown; a registered charity with all major productions open to the public, run entirely by volunteers. Their next production is Noel Coward’s Hay Fever, directed by Gerry McCrudden. Noel Coward himself commented: “Hay Fever is far and away one of the most difficult plays to perform that I have ever encountered. I am very much attached to it. I enjoyed writing it, and I have frequently enjoyed watching it.”

The Blisses are by any measure a tad eccentric and avant-garde. Without mentioning it to each other, David Bliss, his wife Judith and their adult children, Simon and Sorel, each invite a weekend guest to stay. Their intentions are mischievous. A houseful of drama waits to be ignited as misunderstandings and tempers flare. With Judith's new flame and David's newest

N

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

ALL APOLOGIES literary ‘inspiration’ keeping company as their adult children follow suit, the Bliss family lives up to its name as their ‘quiet weekend’ comes to an exhausting and hilarious finale.

Hay Fever runs from 31 October to 8 November at New Venture Theatre in the recently refurbished Upstairs Theatre, Bedford Place, Hove, BN1 2PT www.newventure.org.uk

LBQ-UIRKY COMEDY Verdict, at 159 Edward Street in Brighton, brings The Short & Girlie Show to the stage on Saturday 13 December.

The Short & Girlie Show return to their home crowd fresh from their sell-out ‘Spreading the

• LATEST 7 18 www.thelatest.co.uk •

The Marlborough Theatre are welcoming international artists to Brighton this November. Texan writer and performer Greg Wohead collaborates with musician Mat Martin to consider identity and a shifting sense of place in a charming autobiographical show, The Many Apologies of Pecos Bill.

A true story with a healthy amount of exaggeration, The Many Apologies of Pecos Bill explores the universal topic of home, and leaving it. Using true storytelling accompanied by banjo and guitar music, Greg Wohead creates a compelling performance about being far away from home, about how identity can be connected to a place, and how that place (and identity) warps, stretches and grows over distance and time.

Greg said: “For me, this is a very personal show. I started making the show when I had spent enough time away from home to forget a lot of things about it, and to make up a lot of things about it. I loved that, so I made a show that’s basically a tall tale about real life.”

The Many Apologies of Pecos Bill comes to The Marlborough Theatre, 4 Prince’s Street, Brighton, BN2 1RD, on Saturday 8 November.

Suitable for ages 13+, for more info or to book tickets, call 01273 570028

018-019_LS703_stage_filmart_011_LS466_interview 31/10/2014 11:40 Page 3

entertainment news / film/ art

FILM

BRIGHTON’S ARTY

Jessica KellgrenHayes

Alison Krog

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A SURPRISING WAY TO START COLLECTING

SOMETHING SPECIAL here were almost four billion viewings of feature films on television in the UK last year. It’s an astonishing figure – even more startling when compared to the number of films seen in the cinema, which is 22 times fewer.

If you know of a great film that needs to find an audience, then I’m your girl! Through the weeks of producing FilmFest on 8 for Latest TV I have seen some very interesting and varied films. They have come to me in a variety of ways; some filmmakers approach the channel, others have been encouraged by friends, occasionally another producer will forward me something great that fits my show better than theirs … two even read my column and sent things along (that’s jessica@thelatest.tv)! Although I do enjoy a good email – well, as much as any dyslexic can – I adore the chance discovery or adventitious encounter that leads to a phenomenal addition to the FilmFest archive.

This week on FilmFest we’re showing a brilliant array of short films, one of which I found in the most delightful of ways: over a fabulous fish platter. This may be a film column but I should like to take a moment to laude the absolutely delicious and marvelously well-presented array of fishy delicacies on offer at Betty La La’s; handily, the I adore a chance restaurant is also just up the road from our TV studio. Being as discovery I have some rather annoying food allergies I often have to ask chefs for something special ... but never before have I received an array of brilliant animated shorts in return!

Herve Rebolj, creator of the extraordinary fish platter, also creates award-winning stop motion films. We will be showing his ‘puppet music video’ for ‘Love Is Here To Stay’ by Chungking, Sights On You, made using software from the ‘70s with music by Lee Baker, and Easy Going, a BT and getoutthere.com animation winner.

We will also be showing: Golem from the exciting TwoBit Productions, Eric Woods’ Fat Ali and The Guest and Euan MacDonald’s Running On Empty, starring Lucy Moses. Tune in on Sunday night at 9pm to catch some incredible films.

Other incredible films this week come courtesy of PostFeature’s weekly trips to the Odeon. This week we will be covering Fury, the World War Two epic staring Brad Pitt and directed by David Ayer (who has a history of dealing well with big action films), and Nightcrawler with Jake Gyllenhaal, which looks to be just the most hair-raising movie out this year. Tune in on Wednesday at 6.30pm or catch the repeats throughout the week to see just how creeped out one girl can be!

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Follow me: @latestjessica

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

he biggest kick we’re experiencing from Brighton’s Artists 2014 is the feedback we receive from artists who’ve sold work or been commissioned as a result of appearing in the book. Take David Moore. His bold experiments in light and colour moods – David Moore contrasting high and lowkey tones – convey the drama of British landscapes. David paints outside, directly from the subject, to capture the movement and light from a sunset. His work is a series of fascinating horizons that are perfect for anchoring fleeting skies and staging ephemeral scenes.

David is one of the amazing community of artists based at Phoenix Studios in Brighton.

Find out more about this creative hub at the upcoming show ‘A3’. It’s a fascinating concept: 40 artists will be presenting their work, both 2 and 3D, within the format of an A3 space. Visitors can participate in a silent auction, and at the end of the exhibition the highest bidder for each artwork will become its owner … and discover who the artist is. They could be a recent graduate or an internationally renowned name, with 25% of the proceeds going to support Brighton Housing Trust.

Coinciding with A3, on 8 and 9 November Phoenix Open Studios offers the chance to peek behind the scenes of one of the largest artists’ groups in the country. Whether you’re a curator, collector or just plain curious, you’ll find something to fascinate you.

Don’t miss: Christmas is coming … and you’ll find a fabulous selection of prints, collage, painting, textiles, glass, jewellery and a few surprises at the Polish & Pin studio sale, 23 Wilbury Emma Troy Gardens, Hove, on Sundays from 12pm-4pm, running from 9 November to 7 December. Artists include Emma Troy, Katie Weiner, Sue Milner, Louise V Durham, Jason Quince and more.

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020-021_LS703_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 30/10/2014 14:20 Page 2

entertainment news / comedy /art / events

COMEDY Victoria Nangle

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DOES SIZE MATTER? If you put the show on ‘right here’, it might make a difference if you go for a cavern or a cubbie hole ovember has arrived, and with it the chill in the air, socks perma-drying on every available radiator, and comedy nights large and small. Which brings us back to the age old question: does size (of venue) really matter?

This month sees Noel Fielding come to town performing at The Brighton Centre. There has been much discussion in recent years, as more comics have taken to the arena tour route like Scrooge McDuck to a safe full of spondoolas, as to whether the intimacy of a truly great comedy gig can be recreated in these cavernous venues. The answer is not straightforward, but it is simple: it depends on the comic.

Last month I saw Michael McIntyre reduce the Brighton Dome’s Concert Hall to the cosiness of someone’s front room as he drew us in with his material and filled the stage with his persona. Equally, there will have been a number of emerging comics who will have communicated quite how cavernous the gap between act and audience can feel when playing to the upstairs room in The Victory pub.

Bigger venues can work perfectly well, provided the performer playing in them can fill them. And that’s not just fill them with people, but fill them with a show – with

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their persona – so that every spectator is on the edge of their seat leaning forward to get a little closer to the action. Like those few inches will make all the world of a difference. Lee Evans did it at the Brighton Centre; so did Eddie Izzard and Russell Brand. Now it’s Noel Fielding’s turn.

The marvellous thing about smaller venues is the real chance to catch something that might only happen on that one night.

A massive show must be Noel Fielding choreographed – think of the dancing elephants in Fantasia, then imagine one of them tripping.

A smaller show allows for more detail and chance – just remember the simplicity of Charlie Chaplin turning two bread rolls on forks into a comical dance. Bigger is not necessarily better, but it doesn’t have to be bad either. Ultimately, it just comes down to two things – performance and content.

A Tribe Called Quest said it best: “Can I kick it? Yes, I can.” Nice one, Quest.

Comedy Cooler with Mark Silcox, The Verdict, Thursday 6 November, 7.30pm, £5.

An Evening With Noel Fielding, The Brighton Centre, Saturday 29 November, 8pm, £25, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk

Follow me: @latestvicky

on Freeview channel 8,

• LATEST 7 20 www.thelatest.co.uk •

ARE YOU LOCAL? EVENT: WHITEHAWK INN WORDSMITHS The Whitehawk Wordsmiths are proud to present an exciting reading of their written work. Join them for what has always been a wonderful evening full of stories, poetry and plenty of laughter. All proceeds go towards supporting the Whitehawk Inn. Bar Broadway, Tues 4 Nov, 7.30pm, £5/4 EVENT: BOGAN BINGO After a hugely successful run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and a string of sell out performances in London, Bogan Bingo bring their unique comedy show to Brighton for a night of bingo infused good times. Hosted by two trailer trash bingo callers, Bogan Bingo is a game show of big hair, short shorts and huge prizes. 18 + Komedia, Fri 7 Nov, 7.30pm, £7 ART: GRANDE DAME Tiff McGinnis – aka Grande Dame – is a multimedia artist: an audio-visual storyteller, who writes music and creates animations. Ink_d hosts her multimedia spectacle ‘My Voodoo On You’.

Ink_d Gallery, 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299. Until 9 Nov. ART: PEEPERS An installation by Maisie Broadhead.

Visitors to the Royal Pavilion’s Music Room will feel like figures in a doll’s house, as giant photographic faces peer at them through the windows, pointing to our voyeuristic fascination with celebrities and royals.

Royal Pavilion, Pavilion Buildings, 0300 0290900.

Until 1 March.

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

020-021_LS703_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 30/10/2014 11:09 Page 3

music / clubs

ROGER MCGUINN Formerly of The Byrds, Roger McGuinn talks candidly to Latest’s Jeff Hemmings ... egendary is a word often bandied about willy-nilly, but in the case of Jim Roger McGuinn, it’s totally justified. Not only did he front up the highly influential The Byrds, he practically patented the chiming Rickenbacker 12-string guitar sound that has been intrinic to rock ‘n roll ever since.

Often on the road, around the globe, with just a couple of guitars and bag of stories, McGuinn recently released Stories, Songs and Friends, a two-CD and DVD set that is an autobiographical release of sorts featuring many a good tale in amongst its repertoire.

“It was a recording made for my mother’s 102nd birthday,” says Roger. “She died when she was 102 and three days (in 2012), and that was the last concert she got to hear. I listened to it and thought it was good enough to put out, and we added a bonus DVD with some of my friends: Judy Collins, Joan Baez, Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty, talking about their impressions of The Byrds.”

Roger’s mother was obviously a big part of his life (he himself is now 71). “Yeah, she was an amazing woman.

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She and my father wrote a bestselling book in 1948 called Parents Can’t Win, a satire on child psychology. And they did a book tour and we travelled all over the country by car. My mother was active in all sorts of book organisations, and they had lots of friends in the theatre world too. So, when I decided to become a professional musician, they were both for it.”

It was also when he was growing up that this love of music was kindled. “They gave me a transistor radio when I was 13, it had just been invented. And I used to ride it around on my bicycle, and Elvis came on with ‘Heartbreak Hotel’. It made me want to get a guitar. I played it in a club owned by Les Paul – Les Paul was there himself – and I played ‘Heartbreak Hotel’. When I got off stage, Scotty Moore (the original Elvis guitarist) said, “are you sure you heard that right, son?”...”

McGuinn laughs at the memory.

The Byrds split up in 1973, with an unmatched repertoire of psychedelic rock, folk and country-rock. For the next twenty years, McGuinn released a number of solo albums, and returned with Byrds members Chris Hillman and Gene Clark for a couple of albums in the late ‘70s. But he’s made very little original music for the last twenty years, preferring to tour the world as a solo musician, playing the greats from yesteryear.

“I’ve written a couple of new songs but I’m not really concentrating on making new albums. There’s not a great market for that. I’m not one of those artists who refuses to do things from the past. People come to hear those things. It would be insensitive not to perform them ... and they are such good songs!”

St. George's Church, Wed 5 Nov, 7pm, £35

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20 Another week and another great music chart for you! Listen online to get your favourite to the top and to submit your own tracks.

1 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 2 The Black Fields The Fighter 3 tenek Submission – Radio Edit 4 Osaro and RJ Shut Up and Dance 5 Sweet Machine Wirestripper 6 The Dead Beatles A day in the life of a freak 7 The Last Cry Rebekka 8 tenek No Time For Fighting (Jab edit) 9 Crosis+BOC Texnology 10 Joe Woodham Girl at the Circus 11 Swarf Parlour Tricks

13 Guerrilla Audio Another Life 14 The Mechanic Depressive I Was Lost

Don’t miss our pick of Brighton after dark

KOTU DANCE PARTY A night of varied sounds with a celebratory dance vibe, from reggae to trance beats. Raising funds for Gambian Charity Kotu Kids, making a difference to families in poverty.

Komedia, Fri 7 Nov, 11pm, £7/5

8

12 Millsy Slug Music Spooky

Follow me: @latestjeff

CLUB HIGHLIGHTS LA BAMBA The UK’s hottest Latino Party, La Bamba, comes to Brighton Beach. Playing the very best in Reggaeton, Salsaton, Bachata, Merengue, Ragga & Mubaton.

Shooshh, Tues 4 Nov, 10.30pm, free before midnight/£3 after

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

WAREHOUSE PRESENTS WOOKIE & APPLEBOTTOM Two club favourites make their triumphant return to Brighton – Garage and House Crews unite!

Regarded as one of the true UK Garage innovators, Wookie has earned his stripes as one of the most able producers to have ever emerged from the underground scene.

Audio, Sat 8 Nov, 11pm, £6

SMIRNOFF’S BIG NIGHT OUT Big Night Out is all about transforming your local venue into something spectacular, whether it’s the lasers of Ibiza or the gymnasts from the circus. Big Night Out is famous for bringing you the biggest, most spectacular club nights across the UK. Pryzm, Sat 8 Nov, 6pm, £2

15 The Wolfgirl Liberation A Bus Ride Home 16 Mean Poppa Lean Ain’t Nobody 17 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 18 Vortex Generator Regenerate 19 Portslade Girls and Boys 20 Leo Altarelli See It Now

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC & VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

Watch Latest entertainment on

on Freeview channel 8, • LATEST 7 21 www.thelatest.co.uk •

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022_LS703_andrew_boredgamers_011_LS466_interview 30/10/2014 10:02 Page 2

WHERE HAS TIME GONE?

MADE IN CHELSEA: EPISODE 3

Greg Marshall: time, it’s anything but consistent

Andrew Bullock on the (many) highs and lows of Chelsea’s elite

aving already conducted a study of literary time travel in this column some weeks back, I thought it would be fun to return to the theme as we consider the other chronological truism, that like a bird, a plane and even Superman, time does indeed fly.

It is an almost certainty that you have all exclaimed recently; “where has the year gone?” And it would be a fair comment. It seems that 2014 started so recently and yet you can now buy Christmas tinsel and other festive paraphernalia right next to the pumpkins.

Time has always seemed anything but consistent. From that dragging conversation with that acquaintance you always considered a pillock to the fleeting childhood moments of a loved one, from nappy-crapping to zit-popping in the blink of an eye.

H 



LATESTWRITES

LATESTWRITES

BORED GAMERS

ANDREW BULLOCK

From nappy-crapping to zit-popping in the blink of an eye

My “where has time gone?” moment happened recently when considering how many episodes of Bored Gamers have aired. It is terribly clichéd to trot out such a phrase as “it seemed only yesterday...”, but it genuinely does feel that the jump from the first episode to the eighth hitting the air was in part due to a strange time anomaly.

Another way of considering it is by actual minutes. Our one hour show each week is in actuality 44 minutes long, with gaps for ad breaks. So our eight shows (at time of writing), comes to a whopping 352 minutes of telly-time, or a little under six hours. To put this into perspective, Fawlty Towers ran for two six episode series, at 30 minutes an episode. Thusly, we are one episode – our Halloween special – away from having more minutes of Bored Gamers in the television aether than of Basil smacking Manuel or “not talking about the Germans!” We are over half way to having more Bored Gamers than the collective 682 minutes of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy – the extended versions, that is!

Though we will not be snapping at the heels of Corrie or Last Of The Summer Wine anytime soon, I hope you will humour me long enough as I take in what seems like a momentous achievement. I would celebrate with a nice bottle of vino, but I fear no sooner had I poured the first glass it would be the next morning with the accompanying sore head. Still, time is too fleeting to let that dissuade me – Cheers!

Bored Gamers is an hour-long weekly show on all things gaming.

Tune in to see it on Latest TV at 9.30pm every Friday night.

W

Proudlock’s got a new word: ‘beast’

Follow me: @andrewjbullock

Follow us: @boredgamersuk

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ho'd have thought it? Alik is a rosé drinker! He's a frowning, eyebrow raising rosé drinker.

He's having a drink with Wheeze, fresh off the back of the news that he is actually a lying, cheating, adulterous rosé drinker. Wheeze doesn't know yet though, although Small Sam is striding across the park as they speak to tell her.

Spenny takes Jamie out to devastate him a bit. In a nice double blow, he announces to him that Lucy and Proudlock are dating (which isn't strictly the case) and that Proudlock is going to move in with Stevie.

Jamie is all; “but they've known each other for three months!” Um, Jamie, no they have not. MIC has been on for like, four years. This is season 8, girlfriend, get with the program. Unless Chelsea is positioned on the axis of a time loop in which history stands still. Or perhaps Proudlock has the lifespan of a tortoise.

Alik has left Wheeze and Binky to chat. He is probably either seeing the sights of London or flopping around on top of another woman. Sam enters, with mud on his shoes from the war path, and drops the bomb about Alik. Don't Sam and Wheeze live together? You'd think he'd have told her that morning over their matching bowls of Oat So Simple.

Proudlock and Lucy are playing ping pong and giggling like a couple of 14 year olds at a rec centre on a Saturday in Newcastle city centre.

Wheeze confronts Alik and he denies his betrayal. He shouts in her face. Wheeze explains that she could “literally really be sick”.

Lonan has settled right into being on Made In Chelsea. He may as well unpack his grandmother's antique lamp, put on his house coat and empty a new packet of mini battenbergs into the cake tin. He's playing golf with Will and swinging his club around like he owns the place. Noone likes arrogance, Lonan. Check ya'self.

Jamie is pretending he knows how to type on a computer when Alik comes to see him at his office.

He is not happy about the dirty rumours that Jamie has been sprinkling about the place. Alik defends himself. Alik then goes to see Wheeze and convinces her that he did not perform adultery without her consent. She forgives him.

Andy tells Lucy that Proudlock has been getting with other girls. A silent tear descends her milky cheek.

Once again we have an oddly-themed, unexplained party happening in a National Trust garden somewhere. Will asks Binky out, properly. It's very sweet until he leans on his croquet mallet and I see that he has star tattoos by his ear. Proudlock's got a new word: ‘beast’. Where this has come from we do not know, but he says it repeatedly until Jamie shuts him up by confronting him about moving in with Stevie. He then attempts to defend his slutdom by declaring that when he said he wanted to ‘give it a go’ with Lucy he didn't mean ‘go out’. Lucy, however, has made an early exit in the Addison Lee. Next week's predictions: Alik and Alex will form a men's club for untrustworthy men whose names begin with an ‘A’. Can I join?

Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com

Watch Bored Gamers at 9.30pm on

on FREEVIEW Channel 8

• LATEST 7 22 www.thelatest.co.uk •

thelatest.tv Channel 159

000_LS703_TV_tue_L7wed14apr.qxd 30/10/2014 11:43 Page 1

TUESDAY 4 Human Universe BBC2, 9pm The final part of Professor Brian Cox’s exploration into our place in the universe. Feel small yet? He kicks off tonight in Spain, looking at the earliest art in the universe, and then heads over to Svalbard in the Arctic to see how science can predict the future paths of our star. And by that we mean the sun, not Robbie Williams.

You Can’t Get The Staff Channel 4, 9pm Reality series following the very wealthy as they manage their households with domestic staff.

Caroline Lowsley Williams is ready for some big changes at Chavenage House estate, not least because the combined age of her two current full-time staff is 145. Whoo! And an ex-royal butler comes to the rescue.

The Flash Sky1, 8pm More superhero drama. Sky1 is grabbing them up like sci-fi is the next bullion and there’s a Gold Rush on. This one is especially good because his gift is how fast he can run. Like Usain Bolt, but with even more lycra. Barry (best name for a superhero EVAH!) confronts a robber who can make many versions of himself.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 The Newspapers 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 International Chef Exchange 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 Latest News 6.30 Bookenders 7.00 Best Of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet.

7.30 Latest News 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 9.30 Indiecan 10.00 Modern Toss Comedy series with lots of swearing!

10.30 Latest News 11.00 Bookenders 11.30 Under The Radar 12.00am News 12.30 Bookenders 1.00 Best Of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 2.00 The Vote 2.30 You Make It, We Show It 3.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 3.30 Indiecam 4.00 Modern Toss 4.30 Latest News 5.00 Bookenders 5.30 Under The Radar

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 The People Remember 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Passing Bells 7.30 EastEnders Out of his mind with worry over Linda’s increasingly erratic behaviour, Mick finally think he has discovered what is wrong.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City Hospital drama.

Colette’s loyalties are tested as her struggle to help Zosia pushes her relationship with Guy to breaking point.

9.00 The Missing Relationship thriller exploring the emotional fallout of a child’s abduction on both the family and the wider community, told over two time frames and two countries. In 2006, three days since Oliver’s disappearance, and with little information to go on, suspicion immediately falls on a known paedophile living in the area.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... The Art That Hitler Hated: The Sins Of The Fathers Second episode of a documentary telling the story of a hoard of art that was hidden during the Third Reich as it was deemed degenerate by the Nazis.

11.40 FILM: In The Valley Of Elah (2007) Starring Tommy Lee Jones, Charlize Theron, Jason Patric. Drama.

1.35am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Close Calls: On Camera 8.15 A Taste Of Britain 9.00 Antiques Roadshow 10.00 Building Dream Homes 10.30 Nurse Of Mediterranean, Malta – World War 1, Beyond The Trenches 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Restoration Roadshow 1.30 Cash In The Attic 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball is joined by the couple who narrowly escaped elimination.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the series searching for untapped interior design talent, judged by interior designers Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood. It’s the fourth of nine heats as three new designers battle it out for a place in the second round. This time the amateur designers take on the open plan living and dining rooms of three Victorian terraced houses in the heart of London’s East End. 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals 9.00 Human Universe See highlights.

10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Jools Holland’s music programme.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Evan Davis.

11.15 Wonders Of The Monsoon 12.15am Sign Zone: Operation Stonehenge: What Lies Beneath 4.00 Making Art Work: First Idea To Final Piece 5.00 Your Paintings (x2)

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Marlon is floored

by Laurel’s actions. Charity hatches a plan.

7.30 UEFA Champions League Live: Real Madrid V Liverpool Adrian Chiles is joined by Paul Scholes and Lee Dixon in the Bernabeu Stadium, as Liverpool face their toughest group match against reigning European champions Real Madrid. Commentary comes from Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time Matt Smith presents highlights of tonight’s Champions League games, as the group stage gets towards the business end. The featured match is Arsenal playing host to Anderlecht, and there are extended highlights of the glamour tie of the round – Liverpool’s trip to Real Madrid. Also featuring every goal from the night, as Gordon Strachan, Jermaine Jenas and Raphael Honigstein provide the analysis.

11.40 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents another tension-filled episode of the game show, as two more brave contestants take on the almighty Cube.

12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Porsche’s unexpected arrival is the first of many surprises for the McQueens.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Reality series following people who by their own admission are obsessed with cleaning. Council worker Dann is a cleaning obsessive, replacing his toilet seat once a month and regularly bathing his cats in flea treatment. Dann helps out Charlotte and Dom, who haven’t cleaned their flat in a year. Angela, who gets through three bottles of bleach a week, meets Lorraine, who hasn’t cleaned her kitchen for two years.

9.00 You Can’t Get The Staff See highlights.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show. Host Jimmy Carr is joined by team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock, with guests Alex Jones, Alex Brooker, Sarah Millican and James Acaster.

10.50 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms.

11.50 PokerStars.com Shark Cage 12.50am Trans World Sport 1.45 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.10 Cycling: Revolution 3.05 Helly Hansen Beauty And The Beast Marathon 4.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.55 Hugh’s 3 Good Things: Best Bites 5.05 Win It Cook It 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Bop Box 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Garage Sale Mystery (2013) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Andy has done a good job of convincing both Brax and Casey that he has given up dealing, but Ricky remains suspicious.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door Documentary series about Britain’s feuding neighbours, using CCTV footage and material from victims’ own cameras.

8.00 Britain’s Worst Crimes Documentary about the shocking murder of Rachel Nickell, who was sexually assaulted and stabbed to death in front of her young son on Wimbledon Common in 1992.

9.00 Miracle Babies Documentary series following staff and patient stories at the neonatal unit at Liverpool Women’s Hospital.

The first episode features baby Ethan, whose struggle to breathe on his own is a mystery to doctors.

10.00 NCIS US naval drama series.

While examining the murder of a chief petty officer with top secret clearance for a research laboratory, the team find an international arms dealer.

10.55 NCIS American crime drama.

11.55 NCIS American crime drama.

12.45am True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Underground Britain 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Greatest Little Britons 4.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Flash. See highlights. 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Legends 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Free Speech 9.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 10.00 Life Is Toff 10.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Life Is Toff 1.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 1.30 EastEnders

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Great British Railway Journeys 8.30 National Treasures Of Wales 9.00 Doris Day: Virgin Territory 10.00 The Life And Loves Of A SheDevil 11.00 Supernatural 11.50 Spider House 1.20am National Treasures Of Wales 1.50 Doris Day

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed!

8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Celebrity Juice: Halloween Special 10.45 FILM: The 40-YearOld Virgin (2005) 1.05am Two And A Half Men

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.50 Fresh Fields 5.25 George And Mildred 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 Collision 11.00 The Vice 12.10am Inspector Morse 2.00 ITV3 Nightscreen

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 New Girl (x2) 10.00 The Mindy Project 10.30 Tattoos After Dark 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rules Of Engagement (x2)

1.25pm Time Team ()x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Building The Dream 10.00 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 11.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 11.55 Come Dine With Me Abroad 1.00am Building The Dream

11.00am The Black Knight (1954) 12.45pm Blowing Wild (1953) 2.35 The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 4.30 Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 6.50 Only You (1994) 9.00 Tower Heist (2011) 11.05 What Lies Beneath (2000) 1.35am Oki’s Movie (2010) 3.25 Close

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WEDNESDAY 5 Grand Designs Channel 4, 9pm Our Kev – he of the ambitious linguistic skills and doubtful worried frown – checks back with Jon and Becky White in Devon. Jon came back from Afghanistan having lost both of his legs and his right arm, prompting the couple to commission from an architect a home to suit their new needs.

Wentworth Prison Channel Five, 10pm More graphic violence banged up in Oz, and Ferguson is defending her corner in the wake of Channing’s return with his own agenda to send her packing.

Meanwhile, Liz tries to adjust to life on the outside and connect with her kids, while her friends on the inside try to stop Boomer arranging to have her beaten up.

Freshers 2014 ITV2, 9pm It’s that time of year again – as we in town know from the mid week party noises that have sprung up. Students are back, and this series follows the fortunes of the new batch arriving at Swansea University.

Will Chloe make it out of bed to registration? Will Amelia stay off the booze? What do you think?

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Best of Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 International Chef Exchange 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Growing Concerns 6.00 News The latest news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show with presenters Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller.

7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Latest Homes Live Pioneering daily property show, a commercial feature, with homes for sale and to let in the area, as well as Exceptional Homes, iconic buildings, local history and finance tips.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 Bookenders 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Latest Homes Live 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bookenders

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 The People Remember 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Passing Bells World War I drama. 1916. Tommy and Michael’s regiments face one another on opposite sides of the Somme battlefield.

7.30 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Waterloo Road School-based drama. Gabriella Wark returns to school to find some students determined to make her life difficult. Hector finds an ally in Sue, while Allie feels unnerved as Vaughan and the boys get ready to visit Olga on her birthday.

9.00 The Apprentice Lord Sugar waggles his finger at another overly-ambitious numbskull.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 More Power To The South East? As the debate around English devolution develops, Peter Henley investigates what voters, politicians and decision-makers really think.

11.15 Film 2014 The latest film reviews, news and interviews.

11.45 FILM: Away From Her (2006) Starring Julie Christie, Gordon Pinsent. Emotional drama.

1.30am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.45 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Close Calls: On Camera 8.15 A Taste Of Britain 9.00 Sacred Rivers With Simon Reeve 10.00 Building Dream Homes 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Restoration Roadshow 1.30 Cash In The Attic 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball has all the gossip and exclusive news from Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the series searching for untapped interior design talent, judged by interior designers Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals Made to make your tummy grumble.

9.00 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo retraces the journeys featured in George Bradshaw’s 1913 publication Continental Guide.

10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Dara O’Briain talks to the booted hopeful.

10.30 Newsnight 11.15 Gunpowder 5/11: The Greatest Terror Plot The inner secrets of the gunpowder plotters are dramatised.

12.15am Intruders 12.55 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.25 Sign Zone: The Kitchen 2.25 Sign Zone: Doctor Who 4.00 Ten Pieces 4.50 Performances From The BBC Philharmonic Orchestra – Bach Pianist 4.55 Victorian Villains 5.20 Ancient Egypt: Life And Death In The Valley Of The Kings – Learning Zone

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Sparks fly as Doug and Marlon clash.

7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Surprise Surprise Holly Willoughby presents the show that surprises some of the nation’s most deserving and inspirational people.

9.00 Broadmoor Two-part documentary about Broadmoor Hospital. Originally built in the Victorian era, it is now a high-security psychiatric hospital and home to the country’s most violent offenders. Over the years, they have included Ronnie Kray, Peter Sutcliffe, Charles Bronson, Robert Napper and Kenneth Erskine.

All of Broadmoor’s inmates suffer from mental disorders, now those that have the capacity to give consent are allowed to tell their stories for the very first time.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Through The Keyhole Celebrity Juice star Keith Lemon presents the classic game show.

Regular panellist Dave Berry is joined this week by chat show legend Jonathan Ross and actress and TV presenter Denise Van Outen.

11.40 Fool Britannia Dom Joly presents another batch of hilarious wind-ups and crazy pranks.

12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Cindy’s actions put Holly’s life in serious danger.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 The Supervet Series following vet Noel Fitzpatrick and his team in one of the most advanced veterinary practices in Britain. Two-year-old labrador Ira is fitted with a bionic spine.

9.00 Grand Designs See highlights.

10.00 Grayson Perry: Who Are You? Three-part documentary series in which award-winning artist Grayson Perry explores portraiture and identity. Grayson focuses on 21st century tribes, discovering that the urge to band together with likeminded souls is as strong as ever. In Belfast, Grayson meets five Loyalists who are taking part in a march to commemorate the founding of the Ulster Volunteer Force. Grayson chats to contestants in the Miss Plus Size International competition, exploring how a struggle for acceptance has shaped their identity.

11.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at at St George’s Hospital in south west London.

12.00am MUSIC ON 4: Music Nation 12.30 Rude Tube 1.25 FILM: Ha Bharat Maza (2011) 3.35 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.30 River Cottage Bites 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Bop Box 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Dangerous Attraction (2012) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Josh turns down Evelyn’s invitation to the school formal but she manages to change his mind when he admits that it is only because he cannot afford a suit.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in south Yorkshire.

8.00 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun Observational documentary series following the lives of those who live in Gibraltar.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series revealing the work of bailiffs and repossession agents.

Paul and Ben are called in to evict squatters from a residential property, but something about the squat does not quite add up for the team.

10.00 Wentworth Prison See highlights.

11.00 Inside Holloway Second of a two-part documentary about Europe’s largest women’s prison, looking at some of its more famous and infamous inmates and the treatment of prisoners from the latter half of the 20th century to the present day.

12.00am Dallas 12.50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.15 SuperCasino 3.10 The Sham Wedding Crashers 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

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ITV3

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11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Greatest Little Britons 4.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 9.00 A League Of Their Own: Unseen (x2) 10.00 Legends 11.00 Forever 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 9.00 People Like Us 10.00 Sweat The Small Stuff 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy 11.50 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am People Like Us 1.30 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 3.00 People Like Us

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 The Truth About Meteors 9.00 Great Scientists In Their Own Words 10.00 What Do Artists Do All Day? 10.30 Big In America: British Hits In The USA 11.30 The Making Of Elton John 12.30am Otis Redding: Soul Ambassador

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Harry’s Favourites 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Freshers 2014. See highlights. 10.00 Plebs 10.30 FILM: Happy Gilmore (1996) 12.25am Two And A Half Men (x4)

8.25am Wycliffe 9.35 Judge Judy (x3) 10.55 Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.25 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 George And Mildred 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Collision 11.00 The Vice 12.10am Inspector Morse

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (X2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 FILM: St Trinian’s 2: The Legend Of Fritton’s Gold (2009) 10.10 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 11.10 Drifters 11.40 Made In Chelsea 12.45am Glue 1.45 The Inbetweeners

3.35pm Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 The World’s Weirdest Weather 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 11.10 Was It Something I Said?

11.45 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.30am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown

11.00am Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 12.50pm The Long Memory (1953) 2.45 The Badlanders (1958) 4.30 I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) 6.25 The Parent Trap (1998) 9.00 Van Helsing (2004) 11.40 Beasts Of The Southern Wild (2012) 1.30am The Day He Arrives (2011) 3.20 Close

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THURSDAY 6 Life Story BBC1, 9pm No life story is complete without reference to ‘home’ – a place to retreat to, to nurture families, and claim as your own. For a group of African hunting dogs it’s a vast plain in Zambia, although it’s a bit of a co-op with freaky neighbours, as trouble comes in the form of the hyena. We’ve all had that neighbour.

The Great Fire ITV1, 9pm It’s the last part of this historical drama. Do you think they’ll evacuate the city in an orderly fashion, assemble at the prearranged assembly point and discuss who might have let the toaster burn a mid morning snack? Probably not, what with royals, serfs and everyone in between in a full-on panic.

Detectorists BBC4, 10pm Seems our favourite metal detectoring chaps aren’t the only ones prone to digging holes.

A huge hole has been excavated and the police are looking into it – in more ways than one! Plus, Larry Bishop’s invisible dogs have disappeared. Hang on a cottonpicking mo’ ... see-through canines? Curiouser and curiouser.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Latest Sport Preview The Latest Sports team preview the sport coming up this weekend.

7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 Albion Night The Seagulls’ weekly show with Latest Sport.

Featuring news about the squads and competitions, classic games from the club’s archives and much more.

8.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show.

9.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bowlegs Live music and interviews with the artists, presented by Julian Tardo.

11.30 Indiecan 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Latest Sport Preview 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 Albion Night 2.30 Albion Night 3.30 Albion Night 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Bowlegs 5.30 Indiecan

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 The People Remember 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six The latest national and international news stories from the BBC News team, followed by weather.

6.30 South East Today The latest news, sport, weather and features from the South East of England.

7.00 The Passing Bells World War I drama.

7.30 EastEnders As the Carters prepare to throw a big firework party at the Vic, a supportive Mick continues to question Linda about her feelings. Sonia is surprised by the amount of people willing to strip for the nude charity calendar shoot, but will she pluck up enough courage to get involved?

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Watchdog Consumer magazine which exposes high-street scandals, confronts cowboys and conducts special investigations.

9.00 Life Story See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents the topical debate from Middlesbrough, with a panel including Labour’s shadow work and pensions secretary, Rachel Reeves.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and guests.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 BBC News

BBC2

ITV1

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents all the backstage gossip and behindthe-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the series searching for untapped interior design talent, judged by interior designers Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals Watch this, then make it yourself at home. Go on...

9.00 Peaky Blinders Period crime drama set in 1919 Birmingham.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines and bizarre news stories.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Laura Kuenssberg.

11.15 Afghanistan: The Lion’s Last Roar?

12.15am Sign Zone: Panorama 4.00 Michael Mosley: Infested!

Living With Parasites 4.30 Rock Pool Survivors 5.00 The Great British Year – Learning Zone 5.30 The Burrowers – Learning Zone

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Laurel struggles to accept the consequences.

7.30 Energy Bills – The Cold Facts: Tonight As millions face another winter in fuel poverty, ITV consumer editor Chris Choi reports on what is fuelling our energy bills and the shocking health impacts of living in a cold home.

8.00 Emmerdale Katie is thrown by Lawrence’s proposal. Ali is determined to fix her relationship. Harriet vows to tackle crime.

8.30 Paul O’Grady: For The Love Of Dogs Paul O’Grady meets more of the residents of Battersea Dogs and Cats Home. In this episode, Duke the dalmatian is the Houdini of Battersea, and he amazes Paul with his greatest trick! Snoopy hates posties so Paul tries to help cure his bad habits, and Coffee the puppy is at risk of never walking again.

9.00 The Great Fire See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Chase Quiz show hosted

by Bradley Walsh.

11.40 River Monsters Extreme angler Jeremy Wade travels around the globe searching for fresh water monsters.

12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 Energy Bills – The Cold Facts: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Close Calls: On Camera 8.15 A Taste Of Britain 9.00 Human Universe 10.00 Gardeners’ World 10.30 The Famine Of Mount Lebanon, Lebanon – World War 1, Beyond The Trenches 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Restoration Roadshow 1.30 Cash In The Attic 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 5.20 Flog It!

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Rick and Robbie are concerned when Jason’s health deteriorates.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces Property design series with architect George Clarke. George and Will Hardy struggle to bring ancient Roman technology back to life and the build on their log cabin in the wilderness begins in earnest.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at at St George’s Hospital in south west London. This episode focuses on the treatment of sporting enthusiasts who’ve been injured on two wheels.

10.00 Scrotal Recall Sitcom.

Encouraged by Luke, Dylan sets about tracking down Phoebe, who hasn’t returned any of his messages.

10.30 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show.

11.20 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA In this special edition, Gordon Ramsay returns to visit three of the most challenging US restaurants he has ever tried to help.

12.15am One Born Every Minute 1.10 Make Leicester British 2.35 Rice: How Safe Is Our Food?

Channel 4 Dispatches 3.05 Unreported World 3.30 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.25 River Cottage Bites 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 6.55am Children’s teleivsion 6.55 Pip Ahoy! 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Badge Of Betrayal (2014) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Spencer works out that Maddy is only attending the formal to be near to Josh.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Action-packed consumer show.

8.00 Underground Britain Documentary series in which engineer Rob Bell explores the subterranean world beneath our feet.

9.00 Undercover Benefits Cheat Documentary in which investigative journalist Paul Connolly uncovers a world of illegal activity when he poses as a criminal living on benefits.

Beginning his investigation in Sheffield, he encounters thieves who steal to order from high street shops, a man who winds back his electricity meter to con power companies and another who sells him prescription drugs.

10.00 When Fred Met Rose Documentary series which uses first-hand testimony and dramatic reconstructions to examine what led Fred and Rose West to become the most prolific serial killers in British history.

11.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series revealing the work of bailiffs.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

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11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Arrow 9.00 Forever 10.00 The Last Ship 11.00 Road Wars 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Gavin & Stacey 8.30 Gavin & Stacey 9.00 Sherlock 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy 11.25 Family Guy 11.45 Family Guy 12.10am Family Guy 12.35 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 1.30 Life Is Toff 2.00 People Like Us 3.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm News 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1979 8.00 Horizon: Dinosaurs - The Hunt For Life 9.00 Pompeii: Life And Death In A Roman Town 10.00 Detectorists.

See highlights. 10.30 The Art Of Gothic: Britain’s Midnight Hour 11.30 Dusty Springfield At The BBC 12.30am Top Of The Pops: 1979

1.15pm You’ve Been Framed! 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.05 Royal Pains 7.10 FILM: Jurassic Park III (2001) 9.00 Scorpion 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 Plebs 11.20 Dapper Laughs: On The Pull 11.50 Tricked: More Favourite Tricks 12.50am Two And A Half Men

11.00am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.25 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 George And Mildred 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Joanna Lumley’s Greek Odyssey 10.00 Collision 11.00 The Vice 12.40am Inspector Morse

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Drifters 9.30 2 Broke Girls 10.00 New Girl (x2) 11.00 The Inbetweeners 11.30 The IT Crowd 12.00am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

11.15am FILM: Aces High (1977) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Homes By The Sea 10.00 Grand Designs Australia 11.10 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 12.15am Come Dine With Me

11.00am Leviathan (2012) 12.55pm Man Behind The Gun (1953) 2.35 The Hindenburg (1975) 5.10 Ten Tall Men (1951) 7.05 The Death And Life Of Charlie St Cloud (2010) 9.00 The Cold Light Of Day (2012) 10.55 Killer Joe (2011) 1.00am Hahaha (2010) 3.30 Close

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FRIDAY 7 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D Channel 4, 8pm So S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA seem to be playing top trumps with the gifted folk. Who can get the most, which ones will beat the others, do you know their weaknesses to call out so that you can collect them from the other side? That’s top trumps in our book. This week: a freezing gifted person.

Bored Gamers Latest TV, 9.30pm Gaming enthusiasts and self proclaimed ‘non-experts’ Jim Devereaux and Greg Marshall review the latest video and board game releases as well as previous classics. Perfect timing, as you consider possible Christmas presents to keep the family gathering as entertaining and awesome as possible. Yay!

The Heart Of Country: How Nashville Became Music City USA BBC4, 9pm This historical biography of the city that’s spawned a whole music industry, as well as a genre to captivate the heart and present a backdrop to a soap opera of demons and urban cowboys. With contributions from true Nashville legends.

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Best of Brighton Lights 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Albion Night 1.00 Albion Night 2.00 Albion Night 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs

6.00pm News The latest local news plus national and international updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 The Newspapers 7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay presents the ‘how to’ cookery programme.

8.30 News 9.00 Bored Gamers Greg and Jim present a weekly show for gaming enthusiasts.

10.00 Modern Toss The stink of excellence in a world gone tits-up!

Comedy animation and live-action series. Lots of swearing.

10.30 Double Or Nutin’ 11.00 Noise Reel Bmusic’s David Elphick and Catherine Sear amplify a wave of music news and entertainment to your ears with partners BN1 magazine providing local listings.

12.00am Bowlegs 12.30 Under The Radar 1.00 Bored Gamers 2.00 Modern Toss 2.30 Double Or Nutin’ 3.00 Noise Reel 4.00 Bowlegs 4.30 Under The Radar 5.00 Bored Gamers

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 The People Remember 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Passing Bells WWI drama 7.30 The One Show 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Albert Square is buzzing with those preparing for their close-up for the nude charity calendar.

8.30 Citizen Khan Sitcom. Shazia and Amjad’s wedding is fast approaching.

Mr and Mrs Khan’s relationship with Amjad’s mother, Mrs Malik, has always been fractious at best, and Mr Khan sees Mr Malik as his fast track onto a local business committee.

9.00 Have I Got News For You The satirical news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Jo Brand and guest panellists including Richard Osman.

9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lucy aspires to be friends with her posh new neighbours Toby and Anna.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Chat show. Graham’s guests are Dame Shirley Bassey, David Walliams, Catherine Tate and director and IT Crowd star Richard Ayoade.

11.20 The Secrets Series of standalone dramas.

11.50 EastEnders 1.45am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.50 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Close Calls: On Camera 8.15 A Taste Of Britain 9.00 £100k House: Tricks Of The Trade 10.00 Sea City 10.30 Siege Of Tsingtao, China – World War 1, Beyond The Trenches 10.35 The Travel Show 11.00 News 11.30 News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Restoration Roadshow 1.30 Cash In The Attic 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the show where every day a new team of challengers take on probably the greatest quiz team in Britain - the Eggheads – made up of some of the country’s top quizzers.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball takes a sneak peek into rehearsals and the star-studded Friday Panel looks forward to the next show.

7.00 Mastermind Four contestants are interrogated on a chosen subject, plus a general knowledge round, in the famous black chair, to compete for the grand title of Mastermind.

7.30 Football: FA Cup 1st Round 10.00 QI Quiz show in which the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry looks at a list of L-themed larks – a ‘liblabble’, as he calls it. With the Reverend Richard Coles, Sara Pascoe, Bill Bailey and Alan Davies.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Kirsty Wark.

11.05 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz.

11.35 Later... With Jools Holland Jools Holland’s iconic music programme, featuring live sessions from contemporary and classic artists.

12.35am FILM: When Time Ran Out (1980) 2.20 Sign Zone: Question Time

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Robert suspects Lawrence is up to no good. Brenda’s advice spurs Ali to act. The Dingles prepare for Belle’s release.

7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Secrets From The Sky Series in which historian Bettany Hughes and Ben Robinson presents a unique look at Britain’s past by taking to the air in a bid to unlock secrets hidden in the landscape.

8.30 Coronation Street 9.00 Lewis Police drama series.

A case from 13 years earlier comes back to haunt Lewis when the forensic evidence used against serial killer Graham Lawrie is called into question. As an appeal is launched, Lewis fears the worst – but nothing can prepare him for the resumption of the original murders.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 FILM: American Gangster (2007) Starring Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Josh Brolin, Chiwetel Ejiofor, RZA and Carla Gugino. Oscarnominated drama based on a true story. In 1970s New York, a drug kingpin has built a vast and powerful empire thanks to his unique highquality heroin supply lines from the Far East and his mafia connections.

1.25am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.40 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Dodger returns to the village, but will Maxine be waiting for him?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World Foreign affairs documentary series.

Reporter Ade Adepitan and director Nick Blakemore travel to Honduras to meet the inspirational head teacher who’s battling to give his pupils the best chance of survival in one of the most dangerous places on Earth. San Pedro Sula has the highest murder rate in the world.

8.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. See highlights.

9.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to popular and topical shows.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own light-hearted chat show.

11.05 Toast Of London Sitcom with Matt Berry starring as thespian Steven Toast. Toast is intrigued to find that Ed is entering a Celebrities and Prostitutes Blow Football Tournament.

11.40 Scrotal Recall Sitcom.

12.05am FILM: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006) 1.40 Boss 2.40 FILM: Carry On Behind (1975) 5.10 Location, Location, Location

Channel Five

6.00 – 6.45am Children’s television 6.45 Peppa Pig 6.50 Peppa Pig 6.55 Pip Ahoy! 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Underground Britain 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.20 FILM: Lone Rider (2008) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Casey spends a romantic evening with Denny when he hears that she did not attend her own school formal.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 World War II In Colour Documentary series bringing the history of the Second World War to life with the aid of the latest research and modern technology.

8.00 Rome: The World’s First Superpower Documentary series.

Award-winning actor and Roman history enthusiast Larry Lamb visits key locations in Europe, Africa and the Middle East to tell the story of the Roman empire.

9.00 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy Documentary series in which hotelier and presenter Alex Polizzi rediscovers her roots while travelling across Italy.

Alex begins her journey through Campania in Naples, a chaotic city in the shadow of Vesuvius, where the folk are extremely superstitious.

10.00 Body Of Proof US drama series about a crime-solving medical examiner in Philadelphia. Megan and Adam risk their jobs to prove Tommy Sullivan’s innocence.

10.55 NCIS: Los Angeles Spin-off police drama series.

11.55 Access A daily round-up of showbiz news and gossip.

12.15am SuperCasino 3.10 Miracle Babies 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Last Ship (x2) 10.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France 11.00 Football’s Funniest Moments 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Hotel Of Mum And Dad 8.00 Motorway Cops 9.00 Comedy Fest Live 10.00 Bad Education 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x4) 12.30am Some Girls (x2) 1.30 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 2.30 Life Is Toff 3.00 Comedy Fest Live

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Concerto At The BBC Proms 8.00 Rule Britannia!

Music, Mischief & Morals In The 18th Century 9.00 The Heart Of Country: How Nashville Became Music City USA. See highlights.

10.30 Country Queens At The BBC 11.30 Dolly Parton: Platinum Blonde 12.30am John Denver

12.15pm Emmerdale(x2) 1.15 You’ve Been Framed!

1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 You’ve Been Framed Rides Again! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: Knocked Up (2007) 11.35 Dapper Laughs: On The Pull 12.10am Two And A Half Men (x3)

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 George And Mildred 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Love Your Garden 10.00 Collision 11.00 The Vice 12.40am Inspector Morse 2.25 World Kitchen

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) 11.15 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.15am Tattoos After Dark 12.45 Drifters

10.35am FILM: Tora! Tora!

Tora! (1970) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 FILM: The Italian Job (1969) 11.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 11.50 Date My Porn Star 12.55am Come Dine With Me

11.00am Casablanca (1942) 1.05pm True Grit (1969) 3.45 The Robe (1953) 6.35 Water For Elephants (2011) 9.00 The Bank Job (2008) 11.10 Red Lights (2012) 1.25am Memento (2000) 3.40 Close

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SATURDAY 8 Doctor Who BBC1, 8pm Cybermen on the streets of London – you can hear Morrissey singing it out now, can’t you? Yup, it’s like they’ve got a thing for breaking Big Ben in a variety of different colour filters as the years have gone on and they’ve kept coming back. Good thing the Doctor’s got pals to help him in this epic conflict with Missy.

QTube Latest TV, 9.30pm Jonesy and Torsten Hojer host this LGBT portal, mixing in studio debate with specially filmed stories covering the issues that are important to the local gay scene, as well as national and international stories and events.

To be honest, that’s lots, which is why it’s great to have a full hour, and be on prime Saturday night.

Portrait Artist Of The Year Sky1, 5pm It’s about time there was a talent show that didn’t revolve around how loud you can sing, how great you look in One Direction’s castoffs, and if your granny looks great on camera. Sky Arts is in its second year of looking for the best portrait artists in the country, using celebrity sitters, and informed judges. Natch.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest 9.00 Matchday Breakfast 11.00 Matchday Breakfast 1.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 2.00 Matchday Breakfast 4.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 5.00 Post Feature 5.30 Cook It!

6.00 Best of Brighton Lights 6.30 Bowlegs Bowlegs Music on Film presents live music sessions and interviews with the artists. Presented

by Julian Tardo.

7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller.

Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 You Make It, We Show It! 8.00 News 8.20 Sport News 8.25 Weather 8.30 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.30 QTube Weekly LGBT magazine programme.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 11.30 Bored Gamers 12.30am News 12.50 Sport News 12.55 Weather 1.00 Shocktober 1.30 FilmFest on 8 3.30 Bored Gamers 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 You Make It, We Show It! 5.30 Bowlegs

BBC1

BBC2

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman present an evening of sequins and sparkles as the 10 remaining couples hit the dance floor for a ballroom battle to stay in the contest. Voting lines open at the end of the show.

8.00 Doctor Who See highlights.

9.00 The National Lottery Live The National Lottery Live hosted by Gaby Roslin.

9.10 The Royal British Legion Festival Of Remembrance In the presence of Her Majesty the Queen and members of the royal family, Huw Edwards presents the Royal British Legion’s annual Festival of Remembrance, which pays tribute to all victims of war and conflict. Joss Stone, the stars of War Horse and D-Day veteran Jim Radford perform alongside the Massed Bands of the Household Division, the bands of HM Royal Marines and the Queen’s Colour Squadron. As poppy petals fall from the roof of the Royal Albert Hall, the festival remembers the many who made the ultimate sacrifice, from World War I to the present day.

10.45 BBC News 11.00 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from all of the day’s Premier League fixtures.

12.20am The Football League Show 1.00 FILM: Steal (2002) 2.20 Weather For The Week Ahead 2.25 BBC News

7.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. As the first contingent of American soldiers arrives in Walmington-on-Sea, Captain Mainwaring and his troops prepare to welcome them.

8.00 The Great War – An Elegy: A Culture Show Special Acclaimed poet Simon Armitage has written seven new poems about World War I that form the centre of his latest television documentary. Armitage visits French beaches, German prison camps, ‘thankful’ villages and remote corners of the Scottish Highlands as he considers the death of over 700,000 British soldiers in the conflict and tells seven real-life war stories.

9.00 Formula 1: The Brazilian Grand Prix – Qualifying Highlights Suzi Perry introduces highlights of the qualifying session for the Brazilian Grand Prix from Sao Paulo.

10.30 QI XL Quiz show in which the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry looks at a list of L-themed larks – a ‘liblabble’, as he calls it. With the Reverend Richard Coles, Sara Pascoe, Bill Bailey and Alan Davies.

11.15 TOTP 2 Mark Radcliffe shares treasures from the TOTP archive including KC & The Sunshine Band, Everything But the Girl, The Jam, Robert Palmer, Neneh Cherry, Jilted John and a video from Lisa Hannigan.

12.15am FILM: Walkabout (1971) 1.50 FILM: Harlequin (1980)

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Saturday Kitchen Live 10.45 The Lord Mayor’s Show 12.10pm BBC News 12.20 Football Focus 1.10 Rugby League: Four Nations New Zealand V England Highlights 2.00 Rugby Union: Autumn Internationals – Wales V Australia 4.30 Final Score 5.20 BBC News 5.30 South East Today 5.40 Pointless Celebrities

6.00am Animal Park 6.30 Rugby League: Four Nations – New Zealand v England 9.20 World War One – Beyond The Trenches 9.25 The Private Life Of Plants 10.15 Map Man 10.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 11.15 Exploring China: A Culinary Adventure 12.15pm Astaire And Rogers Sing George And Ira Gershwin 12.30 FILM: That’s Entertainment! III (1994) 2.20 FILM: Easter Parade (1948) 4.00 Flog It! 5.00 Rugby Union: Autumn Internationals – Scotland v Argentina

ITV1

6.00am Fort Boyard: Ultimate Challenge 6.25 Pat & Stan 6.35 Pat & Stan 6.40 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures (x2) 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 The Matt Hatter Chronicles 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 The Munch Box 9.25 ITV News 9.30 The Hungry Sailors 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.20 News 11.25 Storage Hoarders 12.30pm Surprise Surprise 1.30 All Star Family Fortunes 2.15 Doc Martin 3.20 Keep It In The Family 4.20 FILM: Evan Almighty (2007) 6.05 ITV News Meridian 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 New You’ve Been Framed!

Surreal comedy meets slapstick as Harry Hill welcomes us to his world of home videos.

7.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special Bradley Walsh hosts another celebrity edition of the hit quiz show in which four famous faces take on the Chaser, one of Britain’s finest quiz brains, in a bid to win thousands of pounds for charity.

8.00 The X Factor Dermot O’Leary hosts as the remaining acts perform live in the X Factor studio, all hoping to win the public vote and survive in the competition for another week.

9.45 The Jonathan Ross Show This week Jonathan welcomes top comedian Frank Skinner and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 stars Stanley Tucci and Natalie Dormer.

There is music and chat from the outspoken princess of pop Lily Allen.

10.45 ITV News; Weather 11.05 FILM: The Kingdom (2007) Starring Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman.

Action thriller. When terrorists attack a US housing compound in Saudi Arabia, an FBI agent leads a team to investigate.

1.10am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.40 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.05am NFL: Rush Zone 6.30 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.00 Asics Outrun The Sun 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Weekend Kitchen 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm The Simpsons 12.30 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.35 Come Dine With Me 6.05 Come Dine With Me Dinner party reality competition.

6.35 Channel 4 News 7.05 Speed With Guy Martin Motorcycle racer and lorry mechanic Guy Martin continues to explore the boundaries of speed. Guy visits the USA, where he hopes to win at one of America’s oldest races: the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb.

8.00 Walking Through History: Norman Conquest Of Pembrokeshire Tony Robinson goes on another walk through some of Britain’s most historic landscapes in search of the richest stories from our past.

9.00 FILM: The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2012) Starring Dev Patel, Judi Dench, Tom Wilkinson, Bill Nighy, Maggie Smith, Liza Tarbuck, Patrick Pearson, James Rawlings.

Comedy. A group of retirees heads to India to live out their days in luxury, but the beautiful residence they were sold isn’t quite what they expected when they arrive.

11.25 FILM: On The Road (2012) Starring Garrett Hedlund, Sam Riley, Kristen Stewart, Amy Adams. Film adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s 1957 classic beat generation novel.

2.00am Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.05 Location, Location, Location 5.00 Win It Cook It 5.30 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 5.50 NFL: The American Football Show

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Little Princess 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.15 Wanda And The Alien 8.30 Zack And Quack 8.40 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.00 Jelly Jamm 9.15 LazyTown 9.45 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.20 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 12.15pm Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 1.20 FILM: The Santa Suit (2010) 3.00 FILM: An Old Fashioned Christmas (2010) 4.45 FILM: Gifts For Christmas (2010) 6.25 FILM: The Christmas Heart (2012) Starring Teri Polo, Paul Essiembre, Ty Wood, Cruise Brown.

Festive family drama about a tight-knit community of neighbours who put their 40-year tradition of lighting Christmas lanterns on hold when a local boy urgently needs a heart transplant.

8.05 FILM: The Case For Christmas (2011) Starring Dean Cain, Rachel Blanchard, Barry Flatman, George Buza and Krista Bridges. Festive courtroom drama. A widowed lawyer takes on a very special case when Santa Claus asks for help defending himself against a class action lawsuit for disappointing children at Christmas.

9.55 5 News Weekend 10.00 Live Boxing: The MaxiNutrition Knockout Final Coverage of the final of Britain’s newest boxing competition, the MaxiNutrition Knockout. At Glow, part of the Bluewater complex in Kent, Bob Ajisafe from Leeds meets Travis Dickinson from County Durham in a match that also carries the British Light Heavyweight Championship belt.

12.00am Gotham 12.55 SuperCasino 3.10 Benidorm ER 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car (x2) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Sky Movies Special (x2) 2.00 The Middle (x2) 3.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (x2) 5.00 Portrait Artist Of The Year. See highlights. 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 8.00 Hawaii Five-0 9.00 FILM: X-Men (2000) 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Costa Del Street Crime (x2)

7.00pm World’s Craziest Fools 7.30 Rugby Union: Highlights - England v New Zealand 8.30 Great Movie Mistakes IV: May The Fourth Be With You 9.00 Sherlock 10.30 Bad Education 11.00 Family Guy (x5) 1.15am Life Is Toff 1.45 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.15 The Revolution Will Be Televised

7.00pm Swarm: Nature’s Incredible Invasions 8.00 Maps: Power, Plunder And Possession 9.00 Inspector Montalbano 10.40 Top Of The Pops: 1979 11.10 Timeshift: Mods, Rockers And Bank Holiday Mayhem 12.10am Top Of The Pops: The Story Of 1978 1.00 Country At The BBC 2.00 Lionel Richie

12.00pm FILM: Honey (2003) 2.00 FILM: The Little Vampire (2000) 3.50 You’ve Been Framed! (x3) 5.50 FILM: Valiant (2005) 7.25 FILM: Twister (1996) 9.45 The Xtra Factor 10.45 Celebrity Juice: McBusted Special 11.35 Tricked: More Favourite Tricks 12.35am The X Factor 2.10 Dads 2.30 Rizzle Kicks: The Hot Desk

6.10am World Kitchen 6.35 Agatha Christie’s Marple 8.40 The Royal (x2) 10.45 The Darling Buds Of May (x2) 1.10pm Goodnight Mister Tom 3.20 1914 All Out 5.00 Housewife, 49 6.55 Rosemary And Thyme 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Midsomer Murders 11.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.40am Bomb Girls 1.35 World Kitchen

12.30pm Brooklyn NineNine 1.00 Melissa & Joey (x2) 2.00 Made In Chelsea 3.00 FILM: Horton Hears A Who (2008) 4.45 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.00 FILM: The Hole (2009) 11.00 The Inbetweeners (x2) 12.05am How I Met Your Mother (x2)

11.05am The Lost WWI Bunker: A Time Team Special 12.45pm WWI: Finding The Lost Battalions 2.15 The Somme 4.25 FILM: The Longest Day (1962) 8.00 Father Ted (x2) 9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown (x2) 11.05 The Golden Rules Of Porn 12.45am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown (x2)

11.00am Ride The High Country (1962) 1.00pm The Death And Life Of Charlie St Cloud (2010) 2.55 I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) 4.50 Only You (1994) 7.00 Stormbreaker (2006) 9.00 Shooter (2007) 11.25 From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) 1.30am Machete (2010) 3.45 Close

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SUNDAY 9 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 7.45pm Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman host proceedings, as the two dancing couples with the lowest scores rely on their fancy footwork to keep them in the competition. Plus, Katherine Jenkins joins proceedings to mark Remembrance Sunday by singing a 1940s classic, accompanied by the Strictly pros.

The X Factor Results ITV1, 8pm Oh lawks, the tension’s built up, the remaining acts are shaking with anticipation, and Dermot is doing his best to keep the peace so that judge in-fighting doesn’t topple the fragile egos of the singers. And that’s just the first five minutes! After yesterday’s boy- and girlband round, who will be next to leave?

FILM: A Knight’s Tale Film4, 4.40pm A film of jousting, honour, humour, brilliant outfits, and a less than historical soundtrack.

We all knew Queen’s ‘We Will Rock You’ was always meant to be a rallying cry to ride horses at each other whilst carrying sharp sticks. Starring Heath Ledger as the thatcher’s son who done good. Lovely Sunday afternoon.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 International Chef Exchange 9.00 The Vote 9.30 The Vote 10.00 The Vote 10.30 At The Amex 11.30 Brighton Lights 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Brighton Lights 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 At The Amex 2.30 Best of Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Growing Concerns 5.30 News 5.50 Sport News 5.55 Weather 6.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

6.30 International Chef Exchange 7.30 At The Amex 8.30 News 8.50 Sport News 8.55 Weather 9.00 FilmFest on 8 Presenter Jessica Kellgren-Hayes introduces Latest TV’s very own weekly film festival, a dedicated film night for movies, shorts, and brand new work from filmmakers.

11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Latest Sport Boxing Special 2.30 News 2.50 Sport News 2.55 Weather 3.00 FilmFest on 8 5.00 News 5.20 Sport News 5.25 Weather 5.30 You Make It, We Show It!

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.25 Remembrance Sunday: The Cenotaph 12.25pm Sunday Politics 1.40 BBC News 1.55 FA Cup Final Score 4.20 Songs Of Praise 5.00 Life Story

6.00 BBC News 6.20 South East Today 6.30 Countryfile In an extended programme for Remembrance Sunday, Countryfile explores the First World War’s lasting legacy on the landscape of the western front and the part played by those on the home front in winning the war. Matt Baker uncovers a subterranean network carved out by allied troops from the chalk of Arras, and learns about the role played by mule-men like his great-grandfather in the war.

7.45 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights.

8.30 Formula 1: The Brazilian Grand Prix – Highlights Suzi Perry introduces highlights of the Brazilian Grand Prix, the penultimate race of the 2014 Formula 1 season.

The battle between Mercedes teammates Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg is reaching its climax. Who will be celebrating in Sao Paolo?

10.00 BBC News 10.20 South East Today 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman presents highlights from the day’s Premier League fixtures.

11.50 The Apprentice The candidates receive an early-morning phone call telling them to meet Lord Sugar at South Mimms.

12.50am FILM: Lymelife (2008) 2.20 Weather For The Week Ahead 2.25 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Life In A Cottage Garden With Carol Klein 6.30 Great British Garden Revival 7.30 Countryfile 8.30 World War One – Beyond The Trenches 9.00 The Football League Show 9.40 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.10 Exploring China: A Culinary Adventure 12.10pm The A To Z Of TV Cooking 12.15 MOTD2 Extra 1.00 Rugby Union: Autumn International Highlights - England v New Zealand 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 5.30 Remembrance Sunday: The Cenotaph 6.30 Match Of The Day – FA Cup Highlights Manish Bhasin introduces highlights from the first round of the FA Cup. 8.00 The Mekong River With Sue Perkins Sue Perkins embarks on a lifechanging, 3,000-mile journey up the Mekong, South East Asia’s greatest river, exploring lives and landscapes on the point of dramatic change.

9.00 Police Under Pressure Examining British policing under pressure from budget cuts. This episode follows officers in Sheffield as they investigate two separate incidents of missing girls, both victims of grooming and horrific sex attacks.

10.00 Rugby League: Four Nations – Highlights Tanya Arnold introduces highlights from the weekend’s Four Nations games in New Zealand and Australia.

11.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines and bizarre news stories.

11.30 FILM: Alpha Dog (2006) Starring Emile Hirsch, Anton Yelchin, Justin Timberlake, Bruce Willis, Sharon Stone. Drama.

1.20am Sign Zone: Countryfile 2.20 Sign Zone: Holby City

ITV1

6.00 – 6.50am Children’s television 6.50 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 Ultimate Spider-Man 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 Big Time Rush 9.00 The Aquabats! Super Show! 9.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.35 FILM: Carry On Screaming (1966) 1.25pm All Star Family Fortunes 2.15 The Unforgettable Les Dawson 2.45 The X Factor 4.30 Downton Abbey 5.35 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars 6.30 ITV News Meridian 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Keep It In The Family Bradley Walsh hosts the show in which two families go head-to-head in a series of games to win all sorts of prizes. This week, X Factor stars Alexandra Burke, Joe McElderry, Stacey Solomon, Rylan Clark, Ruth Lorenzo and Jedward face being dropped through a trapdoor.

8.00 The X Factor Results See highlights.

9.00 Downton Abbey The period drama following the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants at Downton Abbey, reaches the conclusion of its fifth series. In the final episode, preparations are underway for Lady Rose’s big day, but tensions between the families of the bride and the groom threaten to derail proceedings.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 Broadmoor Two-part documentary about Broadmoor Hospital. Originally built in the Victorian era, it is now a high-security psychiatric hospital and home to the country’s most violent offenders.

11.45 Rugby Highlights: LV= Cup Gethin Jones presents highlights from the second round.

12.40am The Store 2.30 Motorsport UK 3.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.45am How I Met Your Mother 7.10 How I Met Your Mother 7.35 FIM Superbike World Championship 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Jamie’s Comfort Food 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.35pm George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces 1.35 The Big Bang Theory 2.05 The Big Bang Theory 2.30 The Simpsons 3.00 FILM: Addams Family Values (1993) 5.00 Channel 4 News 5.30 American Football Live At Wembley 8.00 Speed With Guy Martin Guy Martin continues to explore the boundaries of speed. Guy leaves his comfort zone as he takes to the water in a bid to set a new world speed record for a hovercraft. Guy has to assemble a world-leading team of engineers and also learn a new set of driving skills. The attempt takes place on a Scottish loch, where Guy will have to maintain over 86mph for a kilometre to break the record. As even the tiniest gust of wind or mistake from Guy could cause a devastating crash, it’s the scariest kilometre that Guy and the team have ever endured.

9.00 Homeland US drama series. Carrie works a frightened asset. Quinn and Fara stake out a new suspect.

10.05 FILM: Contraband (2012) Starring Mark Wahlberg, Caleb Jones, Mitchell Jason, Ben Foster, Kate Beckinsale, Giovanni Ribisi, Lukas Haas, Robert Wahlberg. Action thriller. When his brother-in-law falls into debt with a murderous drug lord, a former smuggler must return to a life of crime in order to save him and his family. He heads to Panama to collect counterfeit money worth millions of dollars.

12.15am Alan Carr: Chatty Man 1.10 NFL: American Football Live 4.45 Mobil 1 The Grid 5.15 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.20am Children’s television 8.20 Wanda And The Alien 8.30 Zack And Quack 8.45 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.00 Jelly Jamm 9.20 LazyTown 9.45 Pip Ahoy!

10.00 Milkshake! Monkey 10.05 The Mr. Men Show 10.20 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.55 5 News Special: Remembrance Sunday 2014 11.05 Access 11.15 Criminals: Caught On Camera 11.40 Police Interceptors 12.40pm FILM: Getting Even With Dad (1994) 2.50 FILM: Cats And Dogs (2001) 4.30 FILM: The Polar Express (2004) 6.20 5 News Weekend 6.25 FILM: Superman (1978) Starring Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman, Marlon Brando.

Oscar-winning fantasy based on the classic comic strip, portraying the early years of the man of steel, from his birth on the planet Krypton to his arrival on Earth and the first of his epic battles with the arch-criminal Lex Luthor.

9.00 The MTV EMA 2014 From Glasgow Star-studded awards ceremony celebrating some of the hottest stars in the music industry, live from the Hydro in Glasgow.

Hosted by Nicki Minaj and featuring performances from big names including Ariana Grande, Calvin Harris and Ed Sheeran.

11.00 Most Shocking Moments In Pop Entertainment show counting down the most outrageous stars and events from the past five decades of pop. Favourite moments of scandal and horror include Phil Spector’s arrest for murder, Johnny Rotten in foul-mouthed flow, Miley Cyrus twerking and Kanye West storming the stage at the VMAs, and Britney Spears shaving her head.

1.50am SuperCasino 3.10 The Gadget Show 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary The Racing Car Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm The Middle (x2) 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (x2) 4.00 The Simpsons 4.30 Modern Family 5.00 The Simpsons (x3) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Flash 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 Trollied 11.30 Road Wars 12.00am Big Trouble In Tourist Thailand

7.00pm Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 7.15 Doctor Who 8.15 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Life Is Toff 11.15 American Dad! (x2) 12.00am Sweat The Small Stuff 12.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 1.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 2.00 Life Is Toff 2.30 People Like Us

7.00pm The Great War (x2) 8.20 Britain’s Wild Places: West Coast Otters 8.30 Sounds Of The 70s 2 9.00 Brian Cox: Space, Time & Videotape 10.00 Cosmos: A Personal Voyage 10.50 The Day After Tomorrow: Into Infinity 11.40 The Day The Universe Changed 12.30am The Heart Of Country 2.00 Country Queens At The BBC

11.30am The X Factor 1.15pm The Xtra Factor 2.15 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) FILM: Despicable Me (2010) 6.10 FILM: Jurassic Park III (2001) 8.00 Scorpion 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 FILM: Little Man (2006) 11.55 FILM: I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry (2007) 2.10am The Vampire Diaries

9.50am Heartbeat (x2) 11.55 Inspector Morse 1.55pm Rosemary And Thyme 3.00 A Touch Of Frost 5.00 Columbo: Murder With Too Many Notes 7.00 Lewis 9.00 The One And Only Cilla 10.30 An Audience With Barry Manilow 11.30 FILM: The Life Of David Gale (2003) 2.00am William And Mary

12.30pm Made In Chelsea 1.35 The Mindy Project 2.00 FILM: Space Chimps (2008) 3.40 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 3.55 New Girl (x2) 5.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 8.00 FILM: St Trinian’s 2: The Legend Of Fritton’s Gold (2009) 10.05 The Inbetweeners (x2) 11.15 Drifters 11.50 Rude Tube 12.50am Glue

11.00am Homes By The Sea 12.05pm Building The Dream 1.05 Car S.O.S 2.05 Gadget Man 2.40 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.20 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.55 LIVE: American Football Live At Wembley 9.30 Nazi Megastructures 10.35 8 Out Of 10 Cats 11.25 Father Ted (x2) 12.30am Nazi Megastructures

11.00am Ten Tall Men (1951) 1.00pm Diary Of A Wimpy Kid (2010) 2.50 The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) 4.40 A Knight’s Tale (2001) See highlights.

7.15 Post Grad (2009) 9.00 Fracture (2007) 11.15 How To Lose Friends And Alienate People (2008) 1.25am Leviathan (2012) 3.20 Close

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MONDAY 10 Cook It! Latest TV, 9pm Andrew Kay takes you on a culinary journey, in front of an interactive (and hungry) studio audience. Covering a range of essential kitchen skills, as well as talking with guest chefs, and demonstrating how to create yummy nutritious meals that are simple and easy. Grab your notebook and settle in.

Under The Dome Channel Five, 10pm Guess what? It’s Monday, which must mean another test from the Dome for the residents of Chester’s Mill. You ever get the feeling that rats in a maze may just get fed up with being prodded? This time they’re in danger of being crushed, and Melanie still has heart problems to contend with.

Melissa & Joey E4, 7.30pm You know at the end of the musical Chicago, when Roxie and Velma form an alliance to make their comeback? Ever think that Melissa Joan Hart and Joey Lawrence saw the same bit and had a lightbulb moment? Mel and Joe co-host a local morning show and find that their constant bickering is a ratings hit.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 Latest Homes Live 11.00 At The Amex 12.00pm Latest Homes Live 2.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 3.00 Exploring Ancient Egypt 3.30 Cook It! 4.00 The Newspapers 4.30 The Vote 5.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest

6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing Mike Mendoza presents his entertainment show.

7.00 Best of Brighton Lights 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Growing Concerns 9.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay’s weekly ‘how to’ cookery programme.

Sourcing local, good value, seasonal produce and with guest chefs.

9.30 International Chef Exchange 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bored Gamers 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Sketchers 1.00 Best of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Growing Concerns 3.00 Cook It! 3.30 International Chef Exchange 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Emma Thomas asks how safe fireworks are.

8.00 EastEnders Fatboy becomes suspicious about Dot’s whereabouts.

8.30 Room 101 Greg Davies, Ben Fogle and Janet Street-Porter attempt to convince host Frank Skinner to consign their pet hates to the depths of Room 101.

9.00 Gareth’s All Star Choir Choirmaster Gareth Malone brings together an array of untrained voices from the world of television, sport and theatre to release the official 2014 BBC Children in Need single.

In the second of this two-part documentary, Gareth and his choir undertake a promotional tour across the country.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Battle For Rochester And Strood: A BBC South East Special Polly Evans hosts a special programme in which prospective parliamentary candidates for the Rochester and Strood constituency answer questions from an invited audience.

11.20 Citizen Khan Sitcom.

11.50 The Graham Norton Show Chat show.

12.40am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.45 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Close Calls: On Camera 8.20 A Taste Of Britain 9.05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 10.05 Lorraine Pascale: How To Be A Better Cook 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Coast 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Behind-the-scenes action 7.00 FA Cup 2nd Round Draw Mark Chapman introduces live coverage of the draw for the second round of the FA Cup from the National Football Museum in Manchester.

7.30 Children’s Hospital: The Chaplains Documentary series.

8.00 University Challenge It’s the first of the second round matches.

Jeremy Paxman asks the questions.

8.30 Only Connect Quiz show presented by Victoria Coren Mitchell.

9.00 Intruders Jack joins Gary’s investigation, leading them to witness a weird ritual and arrange a covert rendezvous, while Madison’s personality split widens, but help is hard to find.

9.45 Some Funeral Directors With Jokes Funeral directors from around the UK resurrect their favourite jokes.

10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic pop quiz. Host Rhod Gilbert and team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus are joined by Lisa Stansfield, Ana Matronic and comics Aisling Bea and Joe Lycett.

10.30 Newsnight 11.15 Great Continental Railway Journeys 12.15am Sign Zone: The Apprentice 4.00 I Was There: The Great War Interviews – Learning Zone 5.00 History Hunt

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa fears for Belle’s future. Andy is shocked by Lawrence’s offer.

7.30 Coronation Street The Street prepares for Peter’s return. Todd receives devastating news.

8.00 Countrywise Paul Heiney, Ben Fogle and Liz Bonnin present the series about rural life.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Carla hear Peter out? Guilt-stricken Eileen blames herself.

9.00 Grantchester Six-part drama series set in 1953, adapted from the novels by James Runcie, about the town where Sidney Chambers is the local vicar. Tragedy strikes as a policeman is killed and Geordie is shot and badly wounded. Believing that the police are on the wrong track, Sidney starts his own investigation.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Agenda ITV News political editor Tom Bradby is joined by big names from government, news and entertainment to take a fresh look at what lies ahead.

11.20 The Jonathan Ross Show This week Jonathan welcomes top comedian Frank Skinner, Stanley Tucci and Natalie Dormer.

12.20am Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Porsche is delighted when her missing bridesmaid arrives.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2014 Celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers.

8.00 How Rich Are You? One-off documentary which investigates where each of us stands in the great money map of Britain, what that position means and the consequences of the income divide.

9.00 24 Hours In Police Custody Documentary series following Bedfordshire Police officers from the cells at Luton Police Station to the heart of major crime investigations.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show. Host Jimmy Carr is joined by team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock, with guests including Sarah Millican.

10.50 Toast Of London Sitcom. After Ray Purchase snitches on him to the ‘Tax People’, Toast receives a massive tax bill, and is forced to take on some particularly unattractive jobs.

11.20 The IT Crowd Sitcom.

11.50 NFL: The American Football Show The best of the week’s action from the NFL. 12.50am FILM: BA Pass (2012) 2.30 The Secret Millionaire USA 3.25 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.20 Location, Location, Location 5.15 River Cottage Bites 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Milkshake! Bop Box 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Undercover Benefits Cheat 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: The Good Witch’s Charm (2012) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away The Braxtons swing into action when they hear that Jake is back on the scene and that he may have taken Josh.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show showcasing the latest technology.

8.00 Mysteries Of The Bermuda Triangle Documentary. The Bermuda Triangle is one of the most enduring enigmas of modern times. But is it really a mystery? Or can its dangers and the seemingly bizarre disappearances be explained by down to earth facts?

9.00 Gotham Action-packed drama series based on DC Comics characters.

Gordon and Bullock try to clean up the streets after a demonic chemist infects the city with drug that kills after the infected have caused chaos.

Meanwhile, young Bruce Wayne starts to piece together the whole picture behind Wayne Enterprises.

10.00 Under The Dome See highlights.

10.55 FILM: Pacific Heights (1990) Starring Melanie Griffith, Matthew Modine, Michael Keaton. Thriller in which a yuppie couple battle their unhinged tenant.

12.45am Campus PD 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Benidorm ER 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France 10.00 Arrow 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x3)

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride (2) 9.00 Booze, Bar Crawls & Bulgaria: Stacey Dooley Investigates 10.00 Bad Education 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Bad Education 1.00 Booze, Bar Crawls & Bulgaria: Stacey Dooley Investigates 2.00 People Like Us

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Horizon: Seeing Stars 9.00 Norman Wisdom: His Story 10.00 Hidden Histories: WW1’s Forgotten Photographs 11.00 Pop Charts Britannia: 60 Years Of The Top 10 12.30am Ultimate Number 1s At The BBC 1.30 Detectorists

12.15pm Emmerdale 12.45 Coronation Street (x2) 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 Ultimate You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: Knocked Up (2007) 11.40 Viral Tap 12.25am Two And A Half Men (x2) 1.15 Fake Reaction

10.50am Inspector Morse 12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Second Thoughts 4.40 Fresh Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 The Secret Life Of Cats 10.00 Unforgiven 11.00 The Vice 12.40am Inspector Morse 2.25 Nightscreen

4.30pm Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey. See highlights. 8.00 New Girl (x2) 9.00 Made In Chelsea 10.00 Come Dine With Me: Made In Chelsea Special 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am How I Met Your Mother (x2)

11.25am FILM: Sink The Bismarck! (1960) 1.25pm Time Team(x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Car S.O.S 10.00 The World’s Most Extreme 11.05 Terror In The Skies 12.05am Come Dine With Me Abroad

11.00am Man Behind The Gun (1953) 12.40pm Went The Day Well? (1944) 2.30 The Badlanders (1958) 4.15 The Quiet Man (1952) 6.55 Life Or Something Like It (2002) 9.00 Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011) 11.05 The Station Agent (2003) 12.55am The Tree Of Life (2011) 3.40 Close