Latest 7: No. 704 by Latest Homes

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★ ALBION ★ NEWS ★ FOOD & DRINK ★ ENTERTAINMENT ★ TV GUIDE ★ 11 – 17 November 2014

FREE WEEKLY BLACK CROWES MAGIC Win VIP tickets to meet Rich Robinson

HIGH ON CHRISTMAS SPIRITS Scrooge & co head to town in an enchanting ballet adaptation of A Christmas Carol at Brighton Dome page 15

BELLOWHEAD SHOUTS! Band founder Andy Mellon talks RAZZLE DAZZLE Win tickets to the original burlesque extravaganza

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L7 CONTENTS

> 11 – 17 NOVEMBER 2014 05 Latest People Forde Hair; Starr Celebration Trust 2014; Brighton Hen Tea & Treats

EDITOR’S NOTE

aying crowds, burning effigies and the inimitable scent of potassium nitrate ... no, we’re not staging a coup in the Latest magazine offices; we’re recovering from Bonfire Night, Lewes-style. It really is a galvanising force of epic proportions, and whether you’re the type to stand at the frontline throwing firecrackers or prefer to watch quietly from your bedroom window, it’s great to witness an event where the many folk of this vicinity are encouraged to come together in the name of celebration. Brighton, Hove, and all our surrounding neighbours are great at this. The embers are still burning and yet we’re already looking ahead to ... dare I mention that ‘C*****mas’ word again? We all know it’s coming. However, there’s yet more to look forward to between

now and then; maybe you’ll get snaphappy at the Brighton Photo Fringe, or perhaps indulge your sonic senses at the Brighton Early Music Festival. If you’re a facial hair aficionado, perhaps you’re taking part in this month’s fabled ‘Movember’ challenge? (If you’re feeling particularly supportive, check out www.bilf.bigcartel.com for some unique beard-centric gift ideas!) Keep a beady eye out for our bumper gift guide in two issues’ time. We’re high on festive spirit and we’re on your side; we know how stressful gift buying can be if you haven’t got a magazine-shaped fairy godmother to steer you in the right direction. It’s time to hunker down, switch the iced cocktails for hot toddies and enjoy what the next few weeks have to offer. Email your comments to editorial@thelatest.co.uk or visit us online at thelatest.co.uk

06 Latest News Headlines with Frank le Duc, Tim Ridgway, and B&H City Council leader Jason Kitcat 08 Reviews What’s been happening, and what we think! 09 Latest Sport The Latest Sport team have their own unique take on ‘Movember’ 10 Brighton Lights Lynn Ruth loves silence; Richard Shayler loves bonfire night; Guy Lloyd loves adventure 13 Celeb City Lily Allen, Zoe Ball, and a spider ... in the ear? 15 Brighton Dome Winter delights for the whole family 17 Kay Town Cinema? How delicious 17 Competitions Win burlesque and Rich Robinson tickets 19 Bare Cheek ‘News’ from Hollywood abounds

21 Brighton Writes Vanessa Austin Locke pays homage to the Centenary; Dr Caroline Oprandi introduces a new science and technology column 22 Hotlist Restaurants, cafes and takeaway listings 23 Cook It! Is it rare to find perfectly cooked meat?

24 Entertainment News What’s on for stage, film, comedy, art & music in your city 28 Brighton Writes Andrew Bullock on Chelsea’s social elite; The Bored Gamers are, well ... pretty special

Wednesday 12 November 2014 Cabaret Bar - Hush Hush presents: Stark + David Mumford Doors 7.30pm, £4

29 TV Listings Seven days of TV listings

Thursday 13 November 2014 Catalyst Club: Monthly event which blends the old traditions of a French Salon with debating societies Doors 8pm, £6

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PHP Web developer – D3R (Chichester) Tech SEO Analyst – Sitevisibility (Brighton & Hove) Senior Paid Search Analyst – Propellernet (Brighton & Hove) Videographer – BIMM Group Ltd (Brighton & Hove) Programmer – Gunjin Game Ltd (Brighton & Hove) PR Manager EMEA – Brandwatch (Brighton & Hove) Publishing IT Wizard – Energy Storage Publishing (Selmeston) Word Press Developer – Tann Westlake (Rustington) Website and Social Media Worker – YMCA Downslink Group (Brighton & Hove)

Freelance Art Director – to work on several projects Web Designer Wanted – to support a range of projects Linux Sysadmin & AWS – for ad hoc project support

Film Professional Networking – Wednesday 12 November, from 6.00pm at Koba Brighton Salesforce Usergroup – Thursday 13 November, from 6.00pm at Brighton Media Centre Wired Sussex Members’ Meetup – Tuesday 2 December, from 5.30pm at Above Audio

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PEOPLE

Forde Hair; Starr Trust Celebration 2014; Brighton Hen Tea & Treats

FORDE HAIR CELEBRATE HALLOWEEN Brighton’s most eccentric hair salon, Forde Hair, went all out for Halloween. The Forde Hair team and owner, Gary Forde, dressed up as dead doctors and nurses and decorated the vibrant salon in dozens of Halloween decorations. Situated on Brighton’s busy North Street near the famous North Laine, Gary’s fun and flamboyant interior design tastes have garnered this and other of his salons a reputation for being at the forefront of cuttingedge style. As well as being a session stylist at events including Graduate Fashion Week and Brighton Fashion Week, he is also session hairdresser with local magazine Absolute. His collaboration with hot young designer EatonNott has also earned Gary a reputation for being the ‘go-to’ man in Brighton for ontrend hair styling.

BRIGHTON HEN TEA & TREATS Brighton Hen Tea & Treats celebrated its first Birthday on 30 October 2014. To celebrate, they’re offering a FREE themed afternoon tea for lovely brides-to-be worth £19.99. And there’s more ... They’re also offering (for free!) the following: • Vintage china and crockery hire • Room styling, including bespoke bunting, balloons and banners to match the menu theme • Pretty organza favour bags with a sweetie and personalised handmade name tag and photo keepsake, to celebrate your 'Bride-to-Be' Hen’s Afternoon Vintage Tea Party, with guests names also printed • Free washing up of crockery • Flowers in vases

Brighton Hen Tea & Treats have had an amazing first year. They specialise in upmarket afternoon themed teas, and ‘Hunky Butlers’ are all the rave, as well as karaoke. They cater at their own venue and all over Brighton and Sussex, offering a choice of eight themed teas: Mad Hatter’s Vintage Tea Party (the most popular), Silver Screen Starlet Vintage Tea Party, Downton Abbey Vintage Tea Party, Palm Court Deluxe Afternoon Tea, Chocoholic Vintage Tea Party, Breakfast at Tiffany’s Tea Party, 1950s Rockabilly Vintage Retro Tea Party, and the newest theme – Brighton Rocks Vintage Tea Party. Menus give a delicious selection of homemade finger sandwiches, cakes, scones and savouries to select from as well as oodles of tea, skimmed milk and sugar cubes. All is made in a 5* rated kitchen on the premises, fully insured. Brighton Hen Tea & Treats don’t just cater for tea parties, but stylise the client’s room to match the tea party theme they can provide the venue or can bring the afternoon tea to the guests themselves. Brighton Hen Tea & Treats have a huge collection of nearly 150 matching trios; they like their teacups, saucers and tea plates to match, as well as a collection of tea pots, glass cake stands, two tier cake plates

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STARR TRUST CELEBRATION 2014’ On 7 October, the Starr Trust held its fourth Celebration Night, celebrating its achievements over the past twelve months. The evening kicked off with a champagne, sausage and mash reception, followed by a recap of the last year’s successes introduced by Chairman Rob Starr and Director Darren Abrahams. The Trust introduced many of this year’s ‘champions’ – young people who have received an Edward Starr Award to pursue opportunities in sports, arts or education. Three champions told the audience how their awards had allowed them to continue studying performing arts at KBis School in Brighton, and Claire, one of the champion’s mums, shared an emotional story of how her daughter’s life has dramatically changed for the better since receiving an award. Helen Trendell and Tara Dulake from digital marketing agency ThoughtShift announced that they would work with the Starr Trust for 12 months, donating their time and expertise. Claire Webster of the inspirational Team Academy at Brighton Aldridge Community Academy (BACA), announced their exciting new partnership with the Starr Trust’s Pioneers programme. The event also saw the launch of a Pledge Wall; a way for the Starr Trust to let people know how they can help champion more young people. Time and expertise is just as valuable as money, so if you’d like to get involved in any Starr Trust activities, email mel@starrtrust.com or visit www.starrtrust.com.

and all the necessary crockery and cutlery required (they’ve been catering since 1991!). Brighton Hen Tea & Treats can also provide extra treats such as pampering, vintage styled makeup, hair and nails, entertainment and activities. To claim your free Chief Hen’s Tea and make a booking, either visit www.brightonhenteaandtreats.co.uk or contact owner, Patricia, on 01273 413829.

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LATEST BRIGHTON & HOVE NEWS

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat on the city’s roadworks I know how frustrating roadworks are for everyone, no matter how they travel. Unfortunately our transport network can’t be mended or improved without some disruption. For example, historic underinvestment in our seafront means the Victorian arches holding up our seafront are coming to the end of their life and risk collapsing. We’ve undertaken the first major seafront rebuilding programme, starting near the West Pier and moving eastwards. The result is brand new properties for small businesses, new public toilets, and a seafront that will stand for years to come. The Vogue Gyratory has long been one of the most difficult junctions in the city – but with government funding we’re redesigning the junction to make it safer and simpler. Government funding has also helped pay for improvements to make Edward Street much more civilised for those who live and work in the area. These three council schemes are expected to finish shortly. Meanwhile the private utility companies are able to dig up the roads whenever they need to, and are responsible for all the other roadworks in the city. Most are done without central planning. As a result we have sometimes seen the same road dug up, relaid, then dug up again a few weeks later. However, using new powers we’ve won from government, we’re introducing a new scheme to better coordinate utility companies’ roadworks to reduce disruption. This will expand on the powers we already use every Christmas to limit non-emergency roadworks. Whether it’s fixing potholes or building a safer road network, these kinds of major projects are essential to make sure we have the infrastructure needed for our successful, growing city economy. It’s only through investing in our future that we can continue to build the Brighton and Hove of the future and we thank the city’s residents for their patience.

Enabling independent living through major and minor adaptations assessed and delivered across all tenures via the integrated housing adaptations team. ● Bringing long-term empty private sector properties back into use. ● Generating a capital receipt for the HRA (Housing Revenue Account) through leasing up to 499 homes for refurbishment and rent to households to whom we owe a housing duty to Brighton and Hove Seaside Community Homes. ● Generating savings through procurement of long-term partnering arrangement with Mears for maintenance of council homes. “This new strategy comes at a time where the council has to save £102 million over the period 2015-16 to 2019-20, around 30% of our net budget.” The committee is also being asked to approve the building of just over 90 homes on four sites in Brighton. The vast majority if not all of the homes will be flats. Two of the sites are in Whitehawk and two are small car parks – in Frederick Street, near Queen’s Road, and Ardingly Street, just off St James’s Street in Kemp Town. Most of the flats will be built on the two Whitehawk sites – in place of the old library and next to City Academy Whitehawk, formerly Whitehawk Primary School. More than half of the homes will be sold to fund the schemes. This will disappoint some of those who want to see a return of council house building to tackle a waiting list of about 20,000. Tight financial rules constrain the council which remains unusual in even contemplating projects like this. If planning permission is granted at the first attempt, building work should start next year. ●

FRANK LE DUC THE VOTE

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A population boom, high property prices and limited space to build are creating a housing crisis in Brighton and Hove t a Housing Committee meeting tomorrow (Wednesday), members of Brighton and Hove City Council will discuss a looming crisis. They will also talk about the strategy that they hope will lessen the effects of the problems ahead. A report to the committee said: “Pressures from an increasing population, high property prices, pockets of poor quality housing, limited opportunities for new development and the effects of welfare reform are impacting on many families, particularly the most vulnerable people living in the city. “The city has one of the highest average house prices outside London, coming within the top ten local authorities, and high rents in the private rented sector, making rent unaffordable for many households. “It is estimated that an additional 18,038 affordable homes are needed by 2017. However, high land values are pushing up the cost of building, making it difficult to develop sound business cases that balance the need for affordable housing against the cost of development. “Over the past few years we have seen an increase in the number of households accepted as homeless and in priority need, placed in temporary accommodation and on our Joint Housing Register. “Over the years we have made steady progress in improving the housing stock in the city but a third of the city’s housing stock still remains non-decent. However, the past few years have seen significant changes to the funding available to deliver our strategy which means we have to look at new ways of working to support local people.”

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It is being proposed that the council does this through a new housing strategy for 2015 to replace the strategy that expires this year. The priorities include improving the supply and quality of housing. The report to councillors said: “During the lifetime of the current strategy, we have been successful in: ● Providing additional affordable housing across the city, including building the first new council homes in a generation and

Over the past few years we have seen an increase in the number of households accepted as homeless successfully bidding for funding for new extra care housing. ● Improving the quality of homes both in the private and social sector, with our council homes brought up to 100% decency. ● Introducing additional licensing which is improving housing conditions for residents living in smaller houses of multiple occupation. ● Becoming one of the bestperforming councils in preventing homelessness, helping many households sustain their home or find alternative housing.

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TIM RIDGWAY LATEST NEWS

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This week’s headlines from across the city

FUNDING CUTS Brighton and Hove City Council must make £20 million of savings from its budget, as the government spending squeeze continues. Councillor Ollie Sykes, the Green lead for finance, spoke to Latest TV last week about the issue – emphasising that picking out one area over another is far from easy. That’s why the minority Green adminstration has proposed a council tax increase of 5.9%. With the Conservatives backing a freeze, it’s once again Labour councillors that have a tough decision to make. A consultation on services will run for the coming weeks before more detailed plans are drawn up. The final budget will then be decided in February. WE WILL REMEMBER THEM Tens of thousands of people bowed their heads today to mark Remembrance Day. It followed a week of events across the city to remember those who gave their lives for future generations. Sunday saw hundreds of people attend services at Brighton’s Old Steine, Hove’s Grand Avenue and outside Worthing Town Hall, as well as other events along the South Coast. With this year marking the centenary of the start of the Great War, the poignancy was elevated somewhat. DIABETES WARNING Thousands of people could

develop diabetes if they continue their current habits. Health chiefs said numbers with the condition could increase by 40% by 2022– becoming one of the most serious issues facing the city. That’s because, while a huge amount of resources have been directed towards reducing children’s obesity, the number of overweight adults has increased. Speaking to Latest TV, Tom Scanlon, the city’s head of public health, urged people to look at their diet and cut out sugary foods. BUILDING HOPES Developers unveiled plans for up to 380 new homes on a golf course. The redevelopment of Benfield Valley Golf Course in Hangleton, Hove, by Bouygues Development was unveiled at an exhibition at the Hangleton Manor pub last week. With the city’s housing shortage becoming an ever-increasing problem, I expect most politicians to be grudgingly in favour of the proposal. That is if there isn’t a backlash in what is a marginal seat in the local elections. ILLUMINATING SHOW Christmas will be welcomed into the city on Thursday with the switching on of the festive lights. Dubbed the largest seasonal display of lights on the South Coast, the illuminations in the city centre will be turned on at 5pm in East Street. For those of you who get down there, there’s plenty of fun-filled festive treats in store for you.

COFFEE CHAIN STIR Starbucks is causing a stir in Worthing after the Seattle firm announced it wanted to open a second branch in Worthing. Some locals have welcomed the proposal, adding it will bring 20 jobs to the town. But some want to see it barred from the town centre – fearing it will pull trade away from independent traders. ROLLING BACK THE YEARS Brighton has always been on top of the latest trends. But is it ready for Steampunk? Rocking pensioner Baron Volt-Hazard – whose real name is Barry Wilson – is determined to get Brightonians on board with this underground movement, which has its roots in a love for Victorian engineering. To see more of this visit www.thelatest.tv

POP-UP SURPRISE For those of you who like Christmas shopping (not me), a new venture is offering people to chance to buy something a little different. Etsy Brighton – a group of designers that has its roots in social media – has taken over a store in Brighton Square for the next few weeks. Showcasing wares from local designers, you can guarantee anything you pick up there will be a unique present that many of you are looking for. Check it out!

Marina Life Kirsty Pollard: New service provider Pavilion Care is now open

avilion Care is a domicilary care company new to Brighton Marina; a family run company who are devoted to supporting people who want to live independently in the comfort of their own homes. Pavilion Care only employ highly trained staff, passionate in helping people with daily living, giving comfort and companionship. They support all aspects of personal care from medication, getting up, social activities, medical appointments, going to bed and getting discharged from hospital. Their services also include help in the home such as housekeeping, shopping and preparing meals. As we all get older, we can struggle to cope with our daily lives, especially if diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer’s. Pavilion Care has a dedicated Care Manager, based in their new offices in the marina, who comes with great experience and is highly trained. As well as direct client support, they also offer respite care for the carer, who is often overlooked, giving them much needed quality time alone. If you just need a general chat and some advice on what to do next and who to turn to, Pavilion Care will help. Pop in to their new premises in Marina Square, call 01273 921603 or email contactus@pavilioncare.co.uk. Office opening hours are 9am – 5pm, Monday to Friday.

SKATES ON Last week the Royal Pavilion ice rink opened for its fifth year. And it’s not just happy smiling people who are enjoyed a spin around the winter wonderland – we caught these seagulls enjoying a twirl too....

• LATEST 7 07 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager: kirsty.pollard@x-leisure.co.uk www.brightonmarina.co.uk

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under review

WOOLY JUMPER LAMB Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 29 October 2014 ★★★★★

aving not seen the enigmatic electronic duo for some years, the Lamb set never fails to impress. The ethereal tones were set off by Lou’s angelic, melancholy voice and transformed by the pumping beats, flayed laser lights and charismatic presence of Andy Barlow. It was clear from the outset, the band were enjoying their return to live performance together. Showcasing material from the new album ‘Backspace Unwind’ and classic hits, the three performers had an energy that took the crowd with them. Euphoric and heartbreaking. A spellbinding gig.

Charlotte Levis

BOOKINGS X FACTOR TOUR The Brighton Centre, 16 March 2015, £55/35/19.50, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk You’ve taken the journey with them from the room to the arena, sat on the edge of your sofa during the dramatic six-seat challenge at bootcamp, travelled to judges’ houses and will be tuning in to the studio shows; now is your chance to see The X Factor live.

JOE BROWN Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, 27 November 2014, £25, 01903 206 206, www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Premier rock ‘n’ roll legend Joe Brown performs with his 5-piece band, including his son and record producer Pete Brown.

REVIEWS THE JEST AND GUESTS This was sketch show consisting of five comedians. The most memorable moment was a particularly convincing impersonation of Maggie Smith coming from a bearded and slightly sweaty member of the cast (Luke Theobald). Also burned onto my

retinas is the image of Tristan Rogers picking a rather bemused audience member and performing an intentionally stunted and awkward strip tease. We laughed many, many times. These guys have great timing, and a talent for articulating absurd trends in what we see on television. Highly recommended. Otherplace at Bar Broadway (Formerly Upstairs at Three & Ten), 1 November 2014 ★★★★★ Kirsten Brown BREMF: SEX, LIES AND VIOLINS – ARS ELOQUENTIAE For their ‘Grand Tour Shorts’ programme, Ars Eloquentiae was made up of two violins, baroque recorder, cello continuo and harpsichord. They based their programme very loosely on Sterne’s ‘A Sentimental Journey through France and Italy’ (1768), a risqué tale that never gets as far as Italy. A talented and enthusiastic ensemble, they began steadily with Marin Marais and built up to virtuoso Vivaldi. Their infectious joy in playing communicated easily to the packed house. It may be an informal venue more used to jazz, and recording Latest TV, but once these lads began playing our attention was held completely. Latest Music Bar, 1 November 2014 ★★★★★ Andrew Connal

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A HAIRY SITUATION

Jules Breach has the latest gossip from behind-the-scenes of Latest Sport ello sports fans! As I sit here and write this, it's a grim November morning ... you know, one of those wet, windy, horrible days where you just don’t want to leave the house. Luckily for me, I’m doing just that today; it's a duvet day! I have set myself a bit of a fitness goal this month, though. My aim is to get out of the house and go for a run at least once a week. It just so happens to be my birthday week this week, though, so I think I could be off to a bad start. Whoops! The boys on the Latest Sport team have also set themselves a bit of a challenge for the month of November. Traditionally, November is the month to raise awareness for prostate cancer, with the ‘Movember’ campaign raising more and more money every year. But the boys here at Latest Sport wanted to do things slightly differently to the norm, because, well ... they aren’t normal. So, for their involvement in this amazing campaign, they have decided to do ‘Growvember’; to not just grow their facial hair

until the end of the month, but to grow it in the style of a famous sports star. The guys put six sports stars’ names in a hat and each picked one, whose facial hair then had to be copied for this month – no shaving allowed! This is how they ended up: Joseph has drawn Sheamus from the WWE, Jay Legate has to grow his beard like the footballer Robert Pires, and Tim Embleton has to replicate the facial hair of the legendary Hulk Hogan! Oh dear. My eyes are offended already, and there isn't even any actual substance to the beards yet. Bear in mind they have to appear on TV like this for the rest of the month ... I'm not sure they realise what they've signed themselves up for! But in all seriousness, well done and best of luck to the lads. Hopefully we've also given you some inspiration for Movember/ ‘Growvember’ this year? Here’s how

Get sásta you can sponsor our boys: visit www.justgiving.com/LatestSport Before we run away into November though, we have to give a massive mention this week to Crusader Events Fright Night at The Hilton Brighton Metropole, which took place last Friday on the eve of Halloween. It was a fantastic event to be a part of, and the place was full of boxing fans who witnessed an incredible night of local talent taking on some other great professional boxers. It has got to be said that all of our local lads managed to walk away from the ring with their heads held high, all coming away with wins on the night! Congratulations to Nick Jenman, Marcus Eaton and to Oli Thompson, who won in his first professional boxing fight on the night. The highlight of the night had to be watching Brighton’s Lloyd Ellett win the International Masters Title in true style. He is an absolute lightning bolt in the ring and he gave the crowd a lot to cheer about. His opponent had absolutely no chance, and Lloyd proved he is one to watch for the bigger titles to come. Well done

again, Lloyd, and to all the boxers who took part. Hopefully this is the start of something special to come. All of the Brighton boys told us how proud they were to be fighting in their home town, and we too were proud to be there to host and showcase the event. We’ll be showing all the interviews with the boxers and all the highlights from the night on the channel soon, so keep your eyes open for that one! Til next week sports fans! Jules xx

Follow me: @julesysowa

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... still time to lose a clothes size (or two) for Christmas!

ásta Fitness, Brighton’s most exciting weight loss and fitness studio, want to take you on a fast, fun weight loss and fitness journey that will have you looking and feeling wonderful for the festive season. Call them to get started!

Recently opened at Brighton Marina, owner Manraj Singh explains: “sásta studios are unique because of our vacuum fitness ‘pods’. This is a treadmill-based exercise machine that uses vacuum resistance to accelerate weight loss and increase fitness levels. This pod, our welcoming and nonintimidating studio and the one-to-one tailored support we give in terms of personal trainer motivation, our low GL meal plan, body sculpting and weekly food diary and measurement reviews, mean that sásta achieves much more powerful results than a standard gym or weight loss scheme.”

Clients come in by appointment, so the time-saving workout of just 30 minutes really appeals to busy people. sásta Brighton guarantees you can drop a clothes size in just four weeks, or your money back. To book your FREE TRIAL and FREE Body Composition Analysis today, call 01273 610660. sásta Fitness, Unit 8 Mermaid Walk, The Waterfront, Brighton Marina, BN2 5WA

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L7 BRIGHTON LIGHTS Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

THE SOUND OF SILENCE Lynn Ruth Miller: stop, be still, listen ... ociety has lost the art of silence. Our cell phones bleep, our computers dingle; our motors roar, the air is filled with sirens, horns and screeching brakes. In our homes, we hear heaters purr and the fridge rumble. Our ears are bombarded with wordless noise, yet as soon as we enter a room we turn on a radio or switch on the TV. Quiet has become taboo. “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone,” said the French philosopher Blaise Pascal, back in the fifteenth century. If he thinks it was bad back then, he would be appalled with now. All he had to deal with were the chiming church bells, the rattle of carts and the clip clop of horses. Nowadays, the only way you can escape the hubbub of life is to wear earplugs. The truth is that we really don’t want silence. If it were REALLY quiet, all we would have to amuse ourselves would be our own thoughts. I love my thoughts. They are wispy little things that float in my head and remind me that anything is possible, and everything can be fun. They are adorable little imps that say; “Oh go ahead, be naughty. No one is looking.” Sometimes they say; “If this moment feels like hell, hang on. A new moment is on its way.” I have very optimistic thoughts, and they keep me going even more than that second glass of wine I should have refused. There was a time when I didn’t appreciate how powerful my thoughts could be, and I ignored them. Those were the days when my head was filled with nasties, like “What will people say?” and “That just isn’t done.” It happened to us all in those turbulent teen-aged years when parents, teachers and the media told us what was good and bad and we were too vulnerable to figure out that we had a choice, if we could only stop and think about it. Then there were my twenties and thirties, when I was so busy racing through my life that I didn’t have time to sit in a silent room and wonder where I was going. Then one glorious day, I stopped running. The background noise of modern life jingled and jangled about me, but I closed my mind to it all and forced myself to listen to ME. At first, when I tried just sitting there, I became so frightened I opened the windows and drank in the sirens, the horns, the screeching tires of my neighbourhood ... as if they were honey. But I am much older now, and I figured it out. If I can shut out the external garbage that fills my head, I can focus on one of those sweet little dreams that are buried there, and actually make them come true. “Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom.” - Francis Bacon

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LATESTWRITES

LYNN RUTH MILLER

One glorious day, I stopped running

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ROCKET MAN Richard Shayler: shrieks, sparklers, and seasonal excitement emember remember the 5th of November? Remember remember the bonfires ember? Remember remember that toffee apples won’t make you so slender? No, they most certainly will not. But, it won’t stop me gobbling down a fair few this fireworks night. Much like any annual celebratory event, I love it. Christmas: love it. Halloween: love it. National kissing day: love it. So, of course, I am a giddy mess around the start of November. I love the smells and the noises, the shrieks and the cheers, the soothing feeling of the crisp night air on my rosy red cheeks. I love watching the displays and catching a stranger’s eye. You look at one another, nod in appreciation of the loud bangs of colour, smile that ‘we don’t know each other but I’m happy to share this intimate moment with you’ smile. Then the moment passes, and you look back to the display. With an

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unfathomable feeling of enormous well-being. You ride this high out of the field and in to the pub, a stick of candyfloss in one hand, a toffee apple in the other. You discuss the night’s proceedings with perhaps more excitement than when you were actually there: “Did you see the Catherine wheel?”/“How big did that bonfire want to be?!” /“I know, right! I thought it was going to singe my eyebrows!”/ “It actually did singe my eyebrows!”/“No Way!” But then it’s time to go home; your ears are ringing, your mouth hurts from smiling and your stomach hurts from toffee apples. You take one last look at the videos you got on your phone on the bus and it’s all over. I get this feeling every Tuesday night. This is the night we film all of the Brighton Lights episodes for the following week. It’s four high energy shows recorded back to back followed by a live performance from our resident band of the week. By the end I am drained, but happy. My face hurts from laughing and my stomach

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NEVER A DULL MOMENT Guy Lloyd struts his stuff, in the name of adventure sitting on a sofa with McBusted. I love the variety in my job and I realise I’m a lucky boy. But also isn’t that what life should be about? You don’t have to work on the radio and telly to experience these things; you can just go out and do them. My mum’s a perfect example of this (it runs in the family). She retired a few years ago, with her husband, to quiet suburban Seaford. However, her life has been far from quiet since. Since stopping work, she’s learnt to kayak, joined a table tennis club and signed up for a course in calligraphy. My mum’s similar to me in this way. We like taking on challenges,

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hurts from not having had time to eat anything all day. This week we’ve got Simon Abraham and Naomi Morris telling us all about cool events in Brighton. Christine Blackledge will be showing us how to succeed in life. Jo Neary will be making us laugh, and Barry The Steam Punk will be making us dress better. Cassette Lord popped in to wow us with all his lovely art, and Di Coke will be showing us how to win competitions … she’s a ‘professional’! Tune in at 7pm, Wednesday to Saturday, on Freeview Channel 8, Virgin Media Channel 159 and live online at www.thelatest.tv. (We repeat it again at 10pm in case you missed it the first time round!) Please do join us and be a member of the audience; we record at The Latest Music Bar. Arrive at 6.30pm every Tuesday night for two free drinks, amazing live music and entertainment and plenty from all our great guests. You really don’t want to miss it. Every show goes out with a bang!

Follow me: @latestrichard

friend of mine recently described my life as ‘pick ’n’ mix.’ She was referring specifically to the nonsense I get up to in my job, and the consequent pictures I post on facebook and twitter. I don’t always realise it, but looking in from the outside, I do get myself into some strange situations, which I guess is part of the job ... but also part of my need for constant adventure and going in to the unknown. For instance, just in the last couple of weeks, if you are cyberfriends with me you may well have seen me catching a mackerel, taking part in a pottery class and

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I was asked to model on the catwalk (still got it) but for me it runs a little deeper than that; it’s a fear of being bored. I don’t like it. Luckily, I haven’t felt it for a while, but it always lurks in the background and that drives me forward to keep busy. It’s not always a healthy thing, I can take

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too much on, but I’m aware of it and it’s part of me. Last night was a good example of this. I was asked to model on the catwalk (still got it) for a friend’s charity event and I accepted, despite having modelled before (never lost it). I tend to do things once and move on to the next thing (i.e. mackerel fishing). I’d done modelling before and enjoyed it, but there’s a lot of hanging around backstage, and then after a minute on the stage your night is over. But something else dawned on me last night. I love being in the limelight (shock) and even if it means waiting backstage for a few

hours, that minute on the catwalk is worth every minute of preparation before the show. Apart from bed, the stage is where I’m most comfortable, and it’s something I need in my life at regular periods. I’m very needy like that. So when the radio and telly dries up and fades away, what will I do? How will I feed my addiction to adventure and being in the spotlight? I have a plan. I’m basically the next Disco Pete for Brighton.

Follow me: @guy_lloyd

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CELEB CITY with Jo Brooks

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Lily Allen, Zoe Ball on Strictly Come Dancing, Katie Melua’s eight-legged encounter

LILY OF THE CITY eople, get ready, as Lily Allen rolls into town at the end of next week with a stop off in the city at the Brighton Centre, as part of her ‘Sheezus’ tour. Lily, who has been touring extensively this summer played the Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury and has just finished a US tour supporting Miley Cyrus. The exuberant singer will be performing hits from her number 1 selling album as well as some crowd pleasers thrown in, I am told. Lily Allen plays the Brighton Centre on 27th November.

STRICTLY ... TO THE RESCUE Fans of Strictly Come Dancing tuned into a treat, not a trick, last Saturday night - when Brighton belle Zoe Ball stepped in at the last minute. Zoe, 42, came to the rescue after co-host Claudia Winkleman missed her normal presenting slot to look after her poorly child. She was said to be ‘terrified’ about stepping in, but Zoe need not have worried: fans of the show thought she did such a good job that some of them called for her to become a permanent member of the

Have you celeb spotted a ci in the ty? comment .uk .co th @ elatest

weekend team. Zoe normally presents the BBC2 offshoot of the show, Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two, but her effervescent style was called upon to save the day. Scott Mills, who was voted off the show at the weekend, tweeted; “Well done @ZoeTheBall, you were great tonight x.” CREEPY CRAWLIES Singer Katie Melua has had a bit of a tough week, it seems, after announcing on her Instagram that a spider has being living in her ear! Straight out of a halloween horror tale, Katie, who studied at Sussex University, stunned fans when she told them that the eight legged creature had climbed into the earbud earphones she used on a recent flight.

Posting a video of the creature on her Instagram account, Melua wrote: "So I had a rustling in my ear for a week and went to the doctor. This little fella is what they found!" The spider was removed using a micro-vacuum and Melua took it home, alive. Her spokesperson said: "The ear specialist said he'd never in his career taken out a live bug before ... plenty of dead ones. When it was out, it was pretty tiny."

Follow me: latestcelebcity Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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native Quebec, Cirque Alfonse take the audience on a wild ride of gravity-defying acrobatics and thrilling tricks with metal saws, axes and logs all taken from the family farm – you can almost smell the fresh cut pine. It truly is a family affair, as everyone from

their trademark blend of fun storytelling and magical imagery to the stage with Jack and the Beanstalk (18 - 21 Dec). When Jack sells his cow for five magic beans, the last place he expects to end up is in a land above the clouds courtesy of an almighty beanstalk. To make matters worse, he has a very hungry giant on his tail. Expect gasps of delight and laughter as the award-winning company present a one man show – starring CBeebies’ very own Patrick Lynch – that brings this classic and gripping fairytale to life in a wholly unique way. Fee fi fo fum … it’s a giant of a show! For the very young, Octopus Inc have created A Winter’s Trail (14 - 17 Dec); a whole world of new sensations specially designed for babies and their grown-ups to explore and enjoy together, beginning with singing and progressing through a series of installations which create different environments. The crackling of the fire, the swish of autumn leaves and the smell of fresh earth are just some of the delicious sounds and sensations that curious explorers aged 0–2 years will be able to explore, in this hands-on journey through the elements. Brighton Festival Chorus, Brighton Festival Youth Choir and London Gala Orchestra (14 Dec)

66-year-old grandad Alain to twoyear-old grandson Arthur take to the stage, alongside three talented and versatile musicians. Described by The Times as a ‘uniquely flavoursome show’, the production boasts former performers from the world’s most renowned companies including Cirque du Soleil, Cirkus Cirkor and Les 7 Doigts de la Main. Don’t miss this astounding live show packed with phenomenal feats of agility and strength – a truly unique way to celebrate the New Year at Brighton Dome. Enormous shoes, showers of gold and a big, leafy explosion will abound as Lyngo Theatre bring

will be joined by mezzo-soprano Juliette Pochin for their annual concert that celebrates the very best in Christmas and festive music. The Sussex Pistols are set for a right ol’ knees up at the Midwinter Ceilidh (22 Dec) and Footloose Dance Orchestra will whisk you back in time to the 1920s at the ever-popular Brighton Dome Tea Dance (7 Dec). Quite the selection box of delights … and not an orange fondant in sight! The question is, where to start? Visit brightondome.org, call 01273 709709 or visit the ticket office on New Road, Brighton, to book tickets.

COVER STORY

TELL US A STORY ’Tis the season to be jolly, as Brighton Dome promises winter delights for all the family rom axe-flinging lumberjacks and a hungry giant to the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, Brighton Dome plays host to the very best in family-friendly entertainment this festive season. Following their popular performance of The Nutcracker last December, Ballet Theatre UK will lead the venue’s season of winter fun as they return to the south-coast for a retelling of Dickens’ classic novel A Christmas Carol (27 - 28 Dec). Bringing a cavalcade of colourful characters vividly to life – from Ebenezer Scrooge to the three ghosts who help him understand the true meaning of Christmas – with stunning sets and costumes to create a Christmas card vision of old London, the performance is the perfect way to get into the joy of dance … and into the Christmas spirit! Along the way there will be laughter and a little heartbreak in this enchanting blend of traditional ballet and captivating theatre, performed to a glorious classical score.

Inspired by the exploits of the first North-American lumberjacks, loggers and farmers, Timber! (2 - 4 Jan) is a joyous, log-balancing, wood-chucking, axe-juggling spectacular from a family of circus performers. Blending circus with theatre, dance, live traditional music and the folklore of their

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this week> Wed 12 Cabaret Bar Hush Hush presents: Stark + David Mumford 7.30pm £4 Thurs 13 Catalyst Club Monthly event which blends the old traditions of a French Salon with debating societies. 8pm £6 www.latestmusicbar.co.uk 14 –17 manchester street Advance tickets from www.wegottickets.com

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Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

few years ago I organised an exhibition of photographs here in Brighton in the much missed Gardner Arts Centre. They were portraits of Brightonians from all walks of life, by artist Grant Vincent. They went on to repeat the project in Dieppe, and to great acclaim; so much so that a large reception was staged, with speeches. God how the French love speeches. It was in one speech that I was declared to be a ‘gourmet’ and a ‘gourmand’, which I later discovered meant a lover of great food and a lover of life. I could not disagree. I think that I have embraced life full on. I’m not one to sit back, and, despite having an aversion to the silliness of drug taking, I have pretty much been there and done everything else. I regret some

THE GREAT BEAUTY Gourmet or gourmand, it’s an exciting cinematic experience ... things – but not much. I’ve made mistakes, I’ve even learned lessons from those mistakes; not always, but that’s life is it not? You can sit on the fence or you can live – and by living I have experienced great things, great food, great art, great entertainment, great love and great beauty. The Great Beauty is a film that explores one man’s life, a life in which he strives to experience as much as is possible; the high life, the night clubs, parties and bars of Rome and all of their excesses. Then he reaches 65 and decides to look beyond all that to find a far greater beauty.

When I was approached to see if I would like to see The Great Beauty in a new and totally immersive way, I was intrigued. Edible Cinema, the first of its kind, is a collaboration between Soho House chef Jake Rigby Wilson, events manager Zoe Paterson, renowned experience

A lover of great food and a lover of life

organiser Polly Betton and Bombay Sapphire mixologist Sean Ware. The concept promises to enhance the film using taste, aroma and texture to heighten the viewers’ sensory experience of the film’s most famous scenes, which will be accompanied by a series of bespoke, imaginatively created Bombay Sapphire cocktails. Each guest will receive a selection of numbered boxes at the start of the film, which they will be instructed to open and enjoy at certain points throughout. The contents of the boxes, and the carefully matched Bombay Sapphire cocktails that accompany them, will correspond to the action on screen, offering a multi-sensory cinema experience like no other. Well, how could I refuse? It all sounds rather exciting, although I hope that the food is not as disturbing as the munching of popcorn or the cocktails so strong that I cannot focus on the subtitles. I’m not Jep Gambardella, nor indeed Toni Servillo - the actor who plays him in this much acclaimed film - but I will give things a go, and I will certainly be giving this gourmet and gourmand’s cinematic experience a go. Tickets for Edible Cinema, The Great Beauty, go on sale on Monday 3 November from Eventbrite. The event will be held on Saturday 22 November at Duke's At Komedia cinema from 6pm.

Follow me: latestandrew

 COMPETITIONS WIN ‘AN EVENING OF BURLESQUE’ TICKETS Britain’s original burlesque extravaganza hits town soon, visiting Theatre Royal Brighton. A quarter of a million people have now seen this show –

An Evening of Burlesque is responsible for exposing the cream of the West End of London’s thriving burlesque scene to the world. Not only has the ever-so-cheeky production revealed the secrets of the art of burlesque to delighted audiences across the UK, it has also thrilled theatregoers at the swishest venues throughout Europe as well. We’ve two pairs of tickets to give away to anyone who can answer this question: The word ‘burlesque’ comes from the Italian ‘burlesco’, which means a) a picnic, b) a joke, or c) a rainstorm?

WIN RICH ROBINSON TICKETS Rich Robinson is the guitarist, songwriter and founder of The Black Crowes. Now solo, he’s visiting Brighton with his band and touring their new record ‘The Ceaseless Light’. We have one pair of tickets plus VIP passes allowing access to the soundcheck, an intimate 3/4 song acoustic set and a meet and greet with Rich to give away to anyone who can answer this question: The American rock band The Black Crowes formed in which year?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

With the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 17 November 2014.

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NEEDS YOU! ‘You Make It, We Show It’ is our programme totally devoted to your films. Send all your films, whether they are 20 seconds or 20 minutes, and we will show them on TV. Community group films, what's on films, band videos, Spielberg epics - all welcome! Please contact: bill@thelatest.co.uk

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BARE CHEEK Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

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ALL THE GOSS News from Hollywood Austrian auteur Michael Haneke is shortly to begin work on his first comedy. The doom-laden director of ‘The White Feather’ and ‘Amour’ has apparently been hoping to work on something “more light hearted” for some time, and his new project – ‘Desolation’, the tale of a HIV-positive child murderer, has been described as “a laugh riot” by those who have read the script. Newly-married heart throb George Clooney has revealed that his first film as a married man is to be an adaptation of the ‘90s UK sitcom ‘Men Behaving Badly’. The film, due to begin shooting in December, will star Clooney as wage slave “new lad” Gary Strang, with Brad Pitt as his slacker flatmate Tony Smart. And is there a cameo for George’s new bride, human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin, as the sexy girl upstairs? “Ha ha ha ha, that would be telling,” says Clooney.

“Now f**k off and leave me alone.” After ‘artistic differences’ saw him part company with his former film studio, Ridley Scott has decided to make the sequel to 2012’s ‘Prometheus’ on his own, with a slashed budget of only five thousand dollars. “Okay, so it’s not a great deal of money to make a two and a half hour sci-fi special effects epic,” said Scott yesterday, “but I found out my laptop can do some pretty cool effects, and I’m going to make sandwiches myself, which should cut down on the catering bill.” The new film, ‘Lapetus’, was to star Harrison Ford, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Lawrence and Ryan Gosling, but Scott will now be making do with former ‘Eastenders’ actor Dean Gaffney and a number of wigs. Quentin Tarantino is about to direct

his first remake, a “re-imagining” of the 1930 Laurel and Hardy short ‘Hog Wild’. “I'm gonna be true to the spirit of the original,” said Tarantino, speaking via loudhailer from his platinum-plated helicopter. “Let’s face it – it’s a goddamn movie about a guy trying to put an antenna on his roof, and we’re gonna stick with that. Just with more kung-fu, and gunbattles, and sex scenes. Oh, and it’s gonna be blaxploitation, too.” You may wonder why you haven’t seen ‘Matrix’ star Keanu Reeves up on the big screen for a while, and the answer is a surprising one – he’s been working in Boots the chemist. “I got kinda disillusioned with the Hollywood system,” said the ‘Bill and Ted’ star, “and I was living in London at the time, so I decide to get a part-time job, just to pass the time. The job centre sent me to Boots, and to my surprise, I loved it! I get a much bigger sense of satisfaction selling a bottle of vitamin C tablets and some hair dye to some old lady than I ever did as a movie star.” According to the branch Reeves works at, he has been made ‘Employee of the Month’ twice and is shortly to be promoted to the pharmacy counter.

What was that? TV presenter special Dear Mike, I’ve been trying to think of the name of this TV presenter, and it’s been driving me mad, so perhaps you can help. He’s a tall, middle-aged, good looking Londoner, always smartly dressed, and a bit cheeky, often flirting with the female guests he interviews, and not above making the odd off-colour joke. I think he was embroiled in some scandal on BBC radio some years ago, possibly involving a prank phone call made to one of the Fawlty Towers cast. Oh, and he can’t pronounce his Rs, if that’s any help. Jonathan Smith, Hove Well Jonathan, I think it’s weally wemarkable that you can’t wemember this wascal! And I hope that I wasn’t your last resort (or should that be wesort!) Yes – the sharp suited barrow-boy of whom you speak is, of course, The Ascent of Man’s Jacob Bronowski! All the best, Mike XXX

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OVERHEARD ON HELICON UNLOCKING POTENTIAL Arts and culture from around the world, with Vanessa Austin Locke he arts are never more appreciated than when helping us understand horrors, they are never more comforting than when applied to the healing process, and they are never more honest than when they are born from the hearts and minds of those who have suffered greatly. In this Centenary year, which marks one hundred years since the beginning of the First World War, tributes from artists old and new have helped us to continue to come to terms with the very great loss the world endured, and to celebrate the very great freedom that loss bought for us. It’s helped us remember our fallen, support our future and give thanks for those among us who would and will put themselves in harm’s way before allowing tyranny and oppression to gain a foothold. From GCHQ’s human poppy, to the spectacular display at the Tower of London, to each handcrafted flower made by a schoolchild, the arts have provided us with a method of showing our unending gratitude. One of the standout tributes produced this year is a collaboration between the celebrated folk band Show of Hands and actors Jim Carter (Downton Abbey and Shakespeare in Love) and Imelda Staunton (Vera Drake and Harry Potter). The double album, Photo courtesy of Show of Hands entitled ‘Centenary: Words & Music of the Great War’, comprises a selection of war poetry, read by the individually acclaimed husband and wife couple of 30 years, Carter and Staunton, and music by Show of Hands. Jim Carter’s recitation of Edmund Blunden’s Concert Party: Busseboom – “To this new concert, white we stood;/Cold certainty held our breath;/While men in tunnels below Larch Wood/Were kicking men to death.” – is set to the soundtrack of ‘It’s a Long Way to Tipperary’, and treated with a beat box harmonica. This imaginative arrangement creates quite a physical response in the chest; the kind that booms there for a moment and then travels up, past the throat’s blockade and settles sorely behind the eyes. “It seems odd that the poems are so brutal and stark”, said Steve Knightly of Show of Hands, “but the music that was sung at the time was jaunty and more music-hall. So it’s been interesting to match the two things together.” Unusually perhaps, a good deal of space has been given over to works by female poets, recognising that, of course, it was our women who lived on with much of the grief of the First World War as their men-folk marched out, never to return. Staunton gives such works a tender treatment, but she manages to retain a measure of the inherent strength and quiet power that has been the trademark of our wartime women, when delivering poems like A Girl’s Song – “The earth is on his sealèd eyes,/The beauty marred that was my pride;/Would I were lying where he lies,/ And sleeping sweetly by his side!” This act of remembrance is a work of honest and mindful reverence. When combined with the skill and craftsmanship that each artist offers up, it delivers a thoughtful and graceful homage that brings the spirit of our fallen – across the ages – roaring into the heart. Centenary: Words & Music of the Great War is available from Amazon and iTunes or at www.showofhands.co.uk, where tour dates are also available. If you have a recommendation for Vanessa to feature, please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

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VANESSA AUSTIN LOCKE

This imaginative arrangement creates a physical response

News and chat from the frontline of science and technology at PACA Dr Greg Scutt

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DR CAROLINE OPRANDI

own at Portslade Aldridge Community Academy (PACA), we have been busy “standing on the shoulders of giants so that we can see further,” and “imagining what it is like to ride a moonbeam”. Not that we are Newton, or Einstein, but it surely has to be a good thing to enthuse the next generation into realising that the only thing holding them back is themselves. At PACA’s STEM (Science, Dean and Mr Price Technology, Engineering and Maths) Centre, it is all about having a go and not being afraid to make mistakes or say something that might initially sound foolish. Most great scientists were told in their lifetime; “No, you can’t be serious!” It seemed a bit unlikely that we would get the go-ahead and funding to build an observatory at PACA, to build and race an electric powered car at Goodwood, or even to make our STEM Centre doorway into the TARDIS. But we have. The University of Sussex and the University of Brighton are working with us, as well as local industries such as Shoreham Port. Our kids are entering competitions such as ‘The Great British Make Off’ and ‘Design a Settlement in Space’, with the At STEM, it is all prize being a trip to NASA! We have even started to call about having a go ... the outside raised beds the ‘tea plantation’. Well, at least Dean* has done so. That takes me back to my Unilever days, where there actually was a tea plantation on site; days when I was sat on tropical beaches with my BA Executive Club Card and Corporate Gold Card in hand, dressed in a business suit. Quinty* is gradually coming around to the idea that corporate businesses aren’t all bad. Finally, I just wanted to say a huge thank you to Dr Greg Scutt (Principal Clinical Lecturer at the University of Brighton) and team for bringing in ‘SimMan’ the other day ... I’ll tell you more about him next week! *Formal introductions to follow next time.

Quinty

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HOTLIST Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk BRITISH & MODERN EUROPEAN BARDSLEY’S Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. Fully licensed. Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

INDIAN CHAULA’S LEWES Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor

and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan as well as gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday. Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk CHAULA’S BRIGHTON A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting. Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings. The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy gheebased sauces here but an

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altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour. Both delicious and affordable. Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99. Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

out new ground in home dining. Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches, with regional curries and homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams. The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at thechillipicklecanteen.com, 01273 900384

THE CHILLI PICKLE The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere. The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards. The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton, 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

THE CHILLI PICKLE CANTEEN The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indian-inspired design, specially commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake

ITALIAN DONATELLO Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £7.95 or three for £9.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value. Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ 01273 775477 www.donatello.co.uk

THAI STREET THAI Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients. Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two courses at £9.75 and three courses at £11.75. Street Thai, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton, BN1 1HD, 01273 207444

UP TO 50% OFF YOUR FOOD BILL

The Chilli Pickle

TABLE POUNCER Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill. Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer

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021_LS704_cook It_011_LS466_interview 06/11/2014 11:31 Page 3

with Andrew Kay

BLOODY SHAME Rare meats are fast becoming a rare thing ... as anyone else been surprised of late by a restaurant informing you that your meat will be served ‘medium’ to ‘well done’? This first happened to me in a burger joint that I had previously enjoyed. Our waiter on this occassion did not warn us that the burgers would be served ‘well done’, in fact she said they would be ‘pink’. When they arrived, they were not; they were dry and dull. I of course complained and was informed that this was a new directive from the local food hygiene authorities. Our burgers were not great as a consequence, and I was sad about that. A few weeks later I bumped into my friend Andrew Coggings from Coggings & Co., another excellent burger restaurant where I had enjoyed a great burger. I asked him if he had been given the same directive, and he confirmed this was now policy and all of their burgers had to reach a certain temperature and be held at that temperature for a set period of time. This, it would seem, is to do with the meat used in the preparation of burgers being taken from parts of the beast that are closer to the skin, which is why you can still have a rare steak as that meat is from the core of the carcass. Of course, this has rather put me off eating burgers for the present, depsite the fact that almost every menu seems to include one, and most of them claim to be ‘The Best’. It’s not the end of the world; they are, after all, only burgers. Then I discovered that the ruling reaches further. I happened to be in Shoreham by Sea to see a marvellous concert by Richard Durrant and Howard Beach; guitar and harpsichord at the Rope Tackle Arts Centre. We had timed our arrival so that we could dine first, and having settled into a restaurant called Chambers (I reviewed it favourably a few years back) I was delighted to see that they had calves’ liver on the menu. I love liver, despite it being bad for my gout, and I have it as an occasional treat.

Calves’ liver needs to be treated with the greatest respect, and when the waiter informed me that all their calves’ liver now had to be served ‘well done’ I was both shocked and disappointed. It comes as part of the same directive. I cancelled my order and changed to duck, which was nice, although the corn fritters served with it were pretty leaden. Last week I happened to have a business lunch in Brighton, and took my guest along to the Bistro at Hotel du Vin. Since it opened, the Bistro has been one of my favourite places to dine. I like the room, the wines, the service and the classic dishes that they serve. Mr L decided to start with scallops, a rich and generous dish that put a big smile on his face. I had a craving for onion soup, a classic that I will often order. Here it was simply perfect, deep in colour and flavour and topped with a crisp cheese encrusted croute. That alone would make for a very satisfying lunch – but we were set on at least a couple of courses, if only to help down the fine bottle of picpoul I had chosen. For his main course, Mr L had a hankering for

Calves’ liver needs to be treated with the greatest respect

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a steak, and the steak frites hit exactly the right spot. He likes his steak medium rare, but our waiter recommended that as the rump used was not cut thick it might be better to order it blue. It was indeed the very best advice, as it arrived perfect as he had said, and although the cut of meat was not thick, it was massive; too big to sit on the plate and therefore folded in two. His frites were also exemplary, piping hot and super crisp, and the bernaise on the side and French beans were equally impressive. I chose calves’ liver, having forgotten about the new directive. It came with impressive mash, crisp shards of bacon and a rich onion gravy, and my choice of spinach was a wonderfully iron laden accompaniment. The liver was great, a credit to the chef who, depsite having to cook it for far longer than perhaps either of us would ideally like, managed to keep it moist and very tender. Full marks for great cooking against the odds. Hotel du Vin stays high on my list of favourite places to dine. Hotel du Vin, 2-7 Ship Street, Brighton, BN1 1AD, 01273 718588, www.hotelduvin.com

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022-023_LS704_stage_filmart_011_LS466_interview 06/11/2014 13:05 Page 2

stage / film / comedy / art / music

L7 ENTERTAINMENT NEWS Watch Latest entertainment on

on Freeview channel 8,



theatre UK tour. Manford’s wealth of experience spans from a critically acclaimed West End role in Sweeney Todd, alongside Michael Ball and Imelda Staunton, to award-winning stand-up comedy shows across the country. He shot to stardom in 2007 as team captain on C4’s 8 Out of 10 Cats; since then, he has hosted prime time television shows including Sunday Night at the Palladium, BBC1’s A Question of Sport: Super Saturday and The Royal Variety Performance. Jason was the winner of ITV1’s Born to Shine and will star in BBC TV’s forthcoming drama Ordinary Lies.

STAGE Andrew Kay

SPRING TIME FOR JASON & GERMANY Top comedian to star in a revival of the stage adaptation of Mel Brooks’ classic The Producers

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Jason said; “I’m so thrilled to be starring in my favourite musical of all time. Mel Brooks is a genius, and I’m so excited to be playing the iconic role he created. The show is a riot of laughs from start to finish.” Impoverished by a string of flops, New York producer Max Bialystock recruits timid accountant Leo Bloom to help him pull off Broadway's greatest scam. Together they aim to produce the worst show ever, and run away to Rio with millions, but they learn that showbusiness can always find a way to kick you in the teeth. Mel Brooks said; “It’s brilliant to see The Producers being brought to life again with this new production, and I can’t wait to see what Jason Manford brings to the role of Leo.” The Producers, Theatre Royal Brighton, Mon 13 – Sat 18 April 2015, Eves 7.45pm, Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650*

ward winning comedian Jason Manford is to star in a brand new UK Tour of The Producers. Based on Mel Brooks’ beloved Academy Award winning movie, The Producers is a hilarious musical comedy that has taken Broadway and the West End by storm, winning a record-breaking 12 Tony Awards and three Olivier Awards. It opens its UK tour in March 2015, but as booking is open for the tour we thought it worth an advance mention, as it is sure to be a sell-out. Jason Manford, one of the UK’s best loved comedians, will take on the role of downtrodden accountant Leo Bloom in his first ever musical

*(booking fees apply)

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022-023_LS704_stage_filmart_011_LS466_interview 06/11/2014 13:05 Page 3

entertainment news / film/ art

FILM

BRIGHTON’S ARTY

Jessica KellgrenHayes

Alison Krog



MARKET FORCES

WATCH THIS SPACE

We’ll be walking around as if we were in moonboots

Follow me: @latestjessica

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t takes a lot to lure us from our North Laine stomping ground at the weekend. So a recent suggestion to lunch on London Road was accepted with the spirit of adventure. And pretty high expectations – as the invite was extended by the incredibly arty Angie Meaden. She’s a fervent supported of the re-developed Open Market; and after visiting, we can appreciate why. Not only can you support local independents and stock up with everything from artisan bread and East European wines to fancy dress and falafel, it’s also a hotbed of creativity. (Think London’s Spitalfields when it was still cool!) A few steps from the brilliant new neon signage, and before you enter the covered arena, Studio 45 is the new enterprise by ceramicist Stacey Manser-Knight and her husband Steve. It’s worth a visit to see Stacey’s work alone; delightfully pretty – and truly original – pieces of earthenware decorated with incredible depth and detail. The studio also brings together a wide collection of jewellery, art and crafts by Brighton artisans. In complete contrast, we were also delighted to see that one of the market’s upstairs studios is occupied by an Arty favourite – sculptor Alison McGechie. Alison takes her inspiration from the human form and the results are intense, organic forms that hint at the human condition rather than aim to produce life-like representations. Don’t miss: Oh no! One of the North Laine’s quirkiest shops is closing at the end of the year. So if you haven’t discovered the emporium of ephemera that’s Rin Tin Tin on North Road, get there before it goes. Self-confessed ‘social beachcomber’ Rick Irvine has a hoard of collectables and curiosities – with an emphasis on vintage ‘advertising and magazines’ (aka old porn). Rin Tin Tin, you will be missed!

here are more synapses in the human brain than stars in the galaxy. There are more bad science fiction films than…

something that adds up to an awfully large number! From appalling plotting to terrible dialogue, utterly hilarious make-up and costumes that shouldn’t have seen the light of day, even the casual film watcher has probably seen their fair share of awful Sci Fi. But, don’t despair, there are more than a few gems out there. I personally am quite keen on a good film that blends human stories with science that is more than a little erroneous. From the 21st Century: Cloverfield (2008), Her (2013), Serenity (2005), Gravity (2013), Children Of Men (2006) and I’m not ashamed to throw Wall-E (2008) in there! Then there are the classics: Metropolis (1927), Forbidden Planet (1956), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) then the Alien series, Star Wars… Back To The Future… Terminator… The last one was for Joseph. As is the film pick for this week’s PostFeature. Joseph was so enthused by the prospect of Matthew McConaughey in space (he has quite the ‘man crush’!) that we are dedicating the entire episode to the actor’s newest film, Interstellar, and dubbing it Space Week! We’ll be looking at the film alongside other greats set in space and quite possibly walking around as if we were in moonboots. Interstellar is based on an idea from theoretical physicist and Caltech professor Kip Thorne; who might be referred to as a ‘science-world celebrity’. His work focuses on gravitational physics and the effects of black holes on space-time. In 1988 he published a paper called “Wormholes in space-time and their use for interstellar travel,” positing that time travel was possible via tiny warps in space called wormholes. Think about it like an apple: an ant crawling on an apple could get from one side to the other by crawling around on the skin of the apple, or it could go through a hole in the apple, clearly a much faster route. Now imagine that the apple is the universe. Essentially, that is time travel. In Interstellar, a group of explorers – headed by McConaughey’s Coop – make use of a newly discovered wormhole to transcend the confines on human space travel and conquer the distances involved in an interstellar voyage. Set in the near future, Earth has been devastated by drought and famine, causing a scarcity in food and extreme changes in climate. Our travellers are in search of a planet that can sustain life. However, once through the wormhole, one hour is the equivalent of seven years back on Earth. The mission will be pointless if the people on Earth are dead by the time they pull it off. And Coop must decide between seeing his children again and the future of the human race. It’s a race against time! Hopefully it will be as brilliant as that synopsis makes it sound. Tune in to PostFeature this week to find out what we thought.

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Rick Irvine

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026-027_LS704_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 06/11/2014 15:01 Page 2

entertainment news / comedy /art / events

RAZZLE DAZZLE



COMEDY Victoria Nangle

EVENT: WWE LIVE! Wrestling fans will be able to see all their favourite WWE superstars and divas under one roof. Including John Cena, Seth Rollins, Rusev, Big Show, Mark Henry, Curtis Axel and more. Action packed entertainment. Brighton Centre, Tues 11 Nov, 6.30pm, £70/45/30

ANARCHY FUNNY Making it up as you go along isn’t as easy as it looks Good thing we’ve got top-notch improvisers in this town here have always been those in comedy who mine some of their best gold from interaction with the audience. Ross Noble live, sparking with the front row; Adam Hills when he hosted this year’s Opening Night Gala of the Brighton Comedy Festival; or, in fact, Stephen Grant most weekends at Krater Comedy corralling in the stag and hen do’s with mirth and a sharp wit. If you’ve ever seen any of those you’ll know what I mean. But what if the entire show was made up on the spot for this audience, and this audience alone? This, dear friends, is where you get improvisation. There are many formats an improvised comedy show can take. ‘Long form’ follows the performing group through one story from start to finish. Fancy this? Then keep an eye out for local group Off The Cuff, whose May Fringe shows orbited the world of ‘The Village’, with key plot twists provided by audience suggestions. Other talented examples of this include The Showstoppers (with added West End musical stylings) and Katy & Rach Make Stuff Up (semi-regularly on at Bar Broadway). Then there’s improvisation that’s loosely draped around various games and templates that each last at most ten minutes, usually called ‘short form’. Those who remember the popular TV series ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’ will be familiar with this. For those who aren’t, if you catch five minutes of it you’ll soon get the gist. Here in Brighton we are spoilt for good quality improv groups. From The Maydays –

who recently supported New York improv legends TJ & Dave on their brief UK visit – to The Noise Next Door, whose Comedy Lock-In combines fast-moving scenes, musical interludes (but still comedic), with guest spots from respected stand-ups who are taken out of their comfort zones and into the world of ‘making it all up right now’. It’s a bit anarchic. But then all improv is. From the Iron Clad Improv at The Iron Duke, to Paul Merton And His Impro Chums at the Brighton Dome Concert Hall. The Noise Next Door Comedy Lock-In with guests Andrew Bird and Max & Ivan, Komedia, Thursday 13 November, 8pm, £23.50/20/10, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton; www.offthecuffcomedy.co.uk (short form – at Bar Broadway); www.themaydays.co.uk (short & long form – at Komedia); www.theshowstoppers.org www.facebook.com/ironcladcastiron

Follow me: @latestvicky The Noise Next Door

Watch Latest entertainment on

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EVENT: HUNDRED WATT CLUB: BURLESQUE AND CABARET Hundred Watt Club is taking a trip to the seaside to bring you a good old fashioned, riotous night of burlesque, cabaret and variety entertainment with a stunning line-up of the gorgeous and grotesque, the sexy and sublime. Don your vintage finery for a chance to win their infamous ‘best dressed’ competition. The Old Market, Sat 15 Nov, 8pm, £15/12 ART: CARRIE REICHARDT Mad In Mexico is inspired by the people and culture of Mexico, where Carrie has recently returned from following a Winston Churchill Fellowship, an award won to 'further the art and craft of community mosaics in the UK'. Ink_d Gallery, 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299. 15 Nov-24 Dec ART: TWIXT TWO WORLDS Inspired by John and William Barnes’ collection of early cinema apparatus and ephemera – currently held at Hove Museum – Twixt Two Worlds takes the technique of double exposure and the visual effect of superimposition as starting points to explore the transition between still and moving images. Part of Brighton Photo Biennial. Towner Gallery, Eastbourne, 01323 434670. Until 4 Jan 2015

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026-027_LS704_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 06/11/2014 15:02 Page 3

music / clubs

BELLOWHEAD Jeff Hemmings talks to Andy Mellon n 11-piece folk and brass band regularly playing venues of 1-3,000? Bellowhead are one of those bands who have surprised almost all by becoming a regular staple of the festival scene, and a popular live favourite; their shows an energetic and enthralling spectacle. The band play more than 20 instruments between them and six members sing, led by Jon Boden. Formed by Boden and John Spiers, they famously worked out the band and its line up whilst sitting in a traffic jam one day. “Yes, that’s true,” says Andy Mellon, trumpeter with the band. “But also, Pete’s (Flood, drummer) mum was working with Jo Boden’s mum in a charity shop in Winchester, and they did that thing that mums do: ‘our sons really must work together at some point’. I had gone to university with Pete, Jon started talking to Pete, Pete knew the horn players, Jon and John (Spiers) knew the folkies. “I remember our first meeting together, on a Sunday in Oxford; we did a photoshoot, we rehearsed and we recorded and then we did a little pub session.

It was a very packed Sunday! We all left a little punch-drunk; ‘what was that, will that work?’ And it has.” Remarkably, the line up has stayed very stable; nine of the original members are still with the band. Their third album, Hedonism, went on to become the highest selling independently released folk album of all time, catching the attention of Island Records, who released their Revival album earlier this year. “It’s a massive coup for us to be signed to Island. We somehow managed to keep it a complete secret, kept it from social media,

and we wrote and recorded it in complete secrecy. Then we announced it at the Royal Albert Hall on our tenth birthday. It was part of the drama of it all. “The album was a lot of intensive work, and was recorded in a different way from the past where we’ve tried to be as live as we could; we would all be in Abbey Road, Studio 2, and play it through until the producer, John Leckie, was happy with it. With this one, it was done in sections. The rhythm section went to a recording studio in Wales, we (the horns) were on an island in the Thames during the floods, the strings went to a chapel in Lincolnshire, the vocals here and there. It was forensically recorded, we’d do things again if not exactly right. We’ve now got a highly produced, polished and tight recording which we’ll have to replicate. We’ve created a rod for our back!” laughs Andy. “It has been amazing, we have to pinch ourselves. It’s not been an overnight success; it’s been over ten years, which helps. We’re also a cynical bunch. We can’t quite believe our own press, and like a normal family we don’t want anyone’s head to get too big, either. That’s kept us quite grounded.” Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, Tues 18 Nov, 7pm, £26/21

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20 Another week and another great music chart for you! Listen online to get your favourite to the top and to submit your own tracks.

1 Senior Service Senior Service 2 Sparker What A Smile 3 Chrissy Fuel & The Flames The Motorway Song 4 Senior Service K-mean 5 The Last Cry Rebekka 6 The Wolfgirl Liberation Uncanny Blossom 7 tenek State Of Mind 8 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 9 Chaos Borne The Moment 10 Ziggurat Sunset Bless The Thief 11 The Black Fields The Fighter

Follow me: @latestjeff 12 Osaro and RJ Shut Up and Dance

CLUB HIGHLIGHTS

13 Senior Service NY City century boys and girls. The Funky Fish Club, Fri 14 Nov, 11pm, free entry

Don’t miss our pick of Brighton after dark DISCO DEVIANT PRESENTS MOTOR CITY DRUM ENSEMBLE Disco Deviant are super excited to announce this one. Having worked to get this party off the ground for almost five years, the stars have now aligned, giving them great pleasure in welcoming Motor City Drum Ensemble to Disco Deviant. Fans, since first hearing Raw Cuts Number 1, will be both inspired and mesmerised by MCDE’s releases and DJ sets. Concorde2, Sat 15 Nov, 11pm, £12

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

SPELLBOUND Jenna Allsopp and Simon Price (Stay Beautiful) play alternative ‘80s classics from Siouxie to Soft Cell. Komedia, Sat 15 Nov, 9pm, £6/5 STRICTLY 80S / 90S This clubnight will have you boogieing to chart, dance, pop and disco from the 1980s and 1990s. For all you 20th

14 End of the Spectrum Ashes

RUNWAY Think C U Next Tuesday, think FYI, think Throwback, think VIDA; mix them all together and you’re still not close to imagining the magnitude of RUNWAY. Even the sky is never the limit. Shoosh..., Sat 8 Nov, 10.30pm, £3/free before 10.30pm

15 Black Gardenias Lady Gardenia: Serial Killer 16 Jipsy Magic Lindus 17 Chaos Borne Watching 18 Vortex Generator Water Bleeding 19 Bigredcap So Pleased 20 Hundred Little Reasons Someday

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028_LS704_andrew_boredgamers_011_LS466_interview 06/11/2014 16:13 Page 2

SPECIAL FIRST, SOCIAL SECOND

MADE IN CHELSEA: EPISODE 4

Jim Devereaux on catering for gamers’ needs

Andrew Bullock on the many highs and lows of Chelsea’s social elite

here’s a special intimacy that exists between a player and their game. That invisible connection that intersects your eyes, ears and hands and taps directly into your imagination. Whether you’re alone in a darkened room or leaping about in amongst your friends, you still maintain that connection. It’s the same when reading a book, listening to music or watching a movie. Only even more than that, as you constantly input to alter, react to and change the parameters of what you are experiencing. This intimacy is none more powerful then when you assume the role of the hero; a fantasy we all love to indulge in. Like Alice in Wonderland, Dorothy in Oz or Neo in The Matrix, they transcend a humble and insignificant existence in the ‘real’ world to become, even if it’s only short lived, the hero of another. Computer games have been experts at this transition for decades, and as technology has improved have become all the more thrilling and believable in doing so. But technology is a doubleedged sword where, just as the worlds have become richer and more vibrant, the ways for people to connect to and share those experiences have changed beyond all recognition. For the first time in human history, not only can human beings share information in real time with one another regardless of geographical location, we can now directly interact in virtual environments of our own design. Assume the roles of whom or whatever we desire in either collaboration or competition. The net result of such aspirations, however, is the ransacking of the individual player experience. It’s no longer acceptable to be the only little girl who can save Oz; no Dorothy, you need to queue up behind 10,000 other people who got here earlier, wait for the wicked witch to respawn, and good luck getting past her because you haven’t even levelled up yet! The drive to integrate players from all over the world is an admirable one, but the first duty of any gaming experience should be its core purpose. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. The technology to match players together from anywhere in the world in real time is amazing, but such a facility should never be at the sacrifice of the individual experience. Let this be a cautionary tale, from which developers must learn to prioritise the core experience whilst balancing our want to be social – with our need to be special. Bored Gamers is an hour-long weekly show on all things gaming. Tune in to see it on Latest TV at 9pm every Friday night.

T 

LATESTWRITES

BORED GAMERS

Developers must balance our want to be social with our need to be special

LATESTWRITES

ANDREW BULLOCK

OMBSHELL! Victoria has fallen out with Sophie. What the frig? She calls her a witch. A seasonal witch! And a brown snake! Not a Neotropical tree boa. Not a Shovel-nosed water snake. Not even a Stiletto snake! No! A regular, common, brown snake. Oh no. Alik says “Edinburgh” like this: “Edinboro”. Elsewhere, Wheeze is still stressed about the rumour that he stuck his tongue down the oesophagus of another. So Binky advises her to “shove it right in the bud”. AND to sort it out quickly. The boys all go out on a weird night of drinking that sees half of them not really talking to the other half. Cue lots of Shakespearean asides and intentional looks of disgruntlement. Jamie argues with Proudlock and insists that he admit he has been dishonest before running off like a 9-yearold girl who’s just been told she can’t have a roller-disco birthday party. Will takes Binky to the aquarium, where he sets up a small table with champagne on it in front of the jellyfish. Then he takes one of those fortune telling fish and places it on her hand. He asks if she had a good time, and the fish curls up in repulsion to signify that she didn’t. Binky laughs it off, but it’s the cold hard truth. Alik is writing a song at Wheeze’s house and sees Andy walking past the window. He invites him in. Why are these two being all nicey nice now? That’s dull. Andy explains to Alik that the nights out they go on aren’t usually drama-fuelled. Um, yeah they are. Jamie and Sam lie together. Literally, not sexually. Proudlock goes out for drinks with Stevie. He sort of cries a bit. Weak, structured reality, robotic tears. Anna-Louise is over from NYC “getting on it” with Binky and Jane. The world skips for joy on its axis. Binky admits she ain’t feeling the Will thing. I agree. On paper, he’s perfect. But he doesn’t really have a personality, has stars tattooed behind his ear and brings floppy fish with him on a date. They then bump into Will and Lonan, outside a church. This is God’s way of trying to coax love between Will and Binky. Not gonna happen, God! Alik sings Wheeze a song. Andy sits there and listens too, which is hideous. He pretends to play the drums to make matters even worse and just looks like he’s having a seizure. The song consists of the line: “We could grow old doing dishes.” If I were Wheeze I’d point out that I have a dishwasher (because lets face it, the girl don’t do dishes). Andy leaves and Wheeze goes about shoving it right in the bud. For some inexplicable reason, Alik still has the text that the girl from the other night sent him. So Wheeze ruddy well rings her! Or at least pretends to for the sake of entertaining us saps at home. At Will’s party, Binky dumps him. Happy birthday to you. Next week’s predictions: Alex writes Binky a letter proving that he can actually use a pen, dictionary and thesaurus. Sophie will invite Victoria into her coven and they’ll evoke the spirit of the late Oscar de la Renta. Proudlock and Lucy will continue to dance around the mulberry bush. Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com

Jamie and Sam lie together. Literally, not sexually

Follow me: @andrewjbullock

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000_LS704_TV_tue_L7wed14apr.qxd 05/11/2014 16:49 Page 1

TUESDAY 11 Teenage Tommies BBC2, 9pm Soldiers always seem young, especially those on the front line, but this documentary from Fergal Keane unearths the powerful stories of the teenage heroes from World War I. Yup, they were teenagers. With 250,000 soldiers under 18, and one in ten lying about their age, Fergal looks at what motivated them to enlist.

The Nation’s Favourite Queen Song ITV1, 9pm There’s been a vote? Were you asked? If not, then maybe we just didn’t see the note, or it got lost in the spam mail filter. Anyway, the nation’s chosen a favourite, but there’s also in-depth interviews with the band members and those that knew them best. They will rock you.

Bad Robots E4, 10pm Hidden cameras, you say? ‘Tis indeed a popular genre, and this lot are tapping into a new corner of it, filming members of the public interacting with machines from the fictional company TezCorp. If you’ve ever cursed modern technology and shaken your fist at the skies in frustration ... tune in.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 The Newspapers 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 International Chef Exchange 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 Latest News 6.30 Bookenders 7.00 Best Of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet. 7.30 Latest News 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 9.30 Indiecan 10.00 Modern Toss Comedy series with lots of swearing! 10.30 Latest News 11.00 Bookenders 11.30 Under The Radar 12.00am News 12.30 Bookenders 1.00 Best Of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 2.00 The Vote 2.30 You Make It, We Show It 3.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 3.30 Indiecan 4.00 Modern Toss 4.30 Latest News 5.00 Bookenders 5.30 Under The Radar

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Linda faces an extremely tough decision but can she confide in Mick? 8.00 Holby City Hospital drama. Fleur competes with Michael to impress Serena. 9.00 The Missing Relationship thriller exploring the fallout of a child’s abduction, told over two time frames. In 2006, the investigation into Oliver’s disappearance continues and Tony’s past comes back to haunt him. Ian Garrett continues to offer support and the friendship between him and Tony deepens. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Bette Midler: The Divine Miss M For five decades the woman they call The Divine Miss M has forged a path which has taken her from a pineapple canning factory to becoming a Hollywood legend. Alan Yentob joins Bette Midler on a journey through the chorus lines of Broadway, the bathhouses and nightclubs of the 1970s, to the very top of the film industry. 11.55 Imagine... Bette Midler: The Showgirl Must Go On imagine... presents this UK television debut of a tour de force from the Divine Miss M. 1.00am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.05 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 Antiques Roadshow 10.05 Building Dream Homes 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Coast 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball is joined by the couple who narrowly escaped elimination. 7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge The series searching for untapped interior design talent. 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals Two Michelin-starred chef Marcus Wareing joins perfectionist chef Monica Galetti and MasterChef’s seasoned diner Gregg Wallace to judge Britain’s ambitious new chefs as they face the first of three daunting challenges. 9.00 Teenage Tommies See highlights. 10.00 The Walshes Comedy series following a tight-knit family from the West Dublin suburbs. After weeks of putting it off, Ciara finally agrees to bring her new boyfriend Graham back to meet her family. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis. 11.15 The Great War – An Elegy: A Culture Show Special Poet Simon Armitage has written seven new poems about World War I that form the centre of his latest documentary. 12.15am Sign Zone: Film 2014 4.00 The Women Of World War One 4.30 Children Of World War II 5.00 WWI A-Z

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Belle’s run-in with Gabby leaves Marlon uneasy. 7.30 Wilderness Walks With Ray Mears Ray Mears returns to some of his favourite – and some of the wildest – places in Britain. 8.00 Hotel In The Clouds Documentary about the first few months in the life of London’s newest five-star hotel, the Shangri-La in the Shard. The hotel is the 90 million pound flagship of an Asian hotel empire and one of the first hotels in the UK to bring traditional Asian hospitality. The programme follows members of staff as they are interviewed for their new jobs and also during their crucial first few months after the hotel’s opening. 9.00 The Nation’s Favourite Queen Song See highlights. 10.30 ITV News At Ten; Weather 11.10 Blenheim Palace: Great War House Blenheim Palace is one of the grandest of all Britain’s great houses. Intended originally for John Churchill first Duke of Marlborough as a tribute from a grateful nation for his victories during the War of the Spanish Succession, it was completed between 1705 and 1722 and designed by Sir John Vanbrugh. 12.10am The Cube 1.00 Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The jubilant McQueens board the party train, oblivious to the danger ahead. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2014 Celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers from around the world. 8.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Amanda from Essex, who works 60 hours a week as a business manager and then spends 20 hours a week doing housework, helps fellow Essex resident Janine, who is a bit of a hoarder. 9.00 You Can’t Get The Staff Reality series following wealthy people as they set about hiring domestic servants. At Maunsel House, in Somerset, Sir Benjamin Slade is on the hunt for a handyman. 10.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to popular shows. 11.05 Secrets Of The Salon Documentary which eavesdrops on the conversations that take place in the hairdresser’s chair. 12.00am PokerStars.com Shark Cage 1.00 Cage Warriors 1.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.20 Trans World Sport 3.15 Mobil 1 The Grid 3.40 Asics Outrun The Sun 4.40 FIM Superbike World Championship 5.05 Win It Cook It 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Secret Liaison (2013) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away With Casey lying close to death in Jake’s hideout, Kyle orders Andy and Josh to run. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors 8.00 Lin And Megan Russell: Britain’s Worst Crimes Documentary about a double murder which shocked a community. In 1996, Lin Russell and her daughters Megan and Josie were brutally attacked by Michael Stone with a hammer while out in the countryside. Lin and Megan died from their injuries, but Josie survived the attack. 9.00 Miracle Babies Documentary series following staff and patient stories at the neo-natal unit at Liverpool Women’s Hospital. This episode monitors the condition of baby Matthew who has been born 17 weeks premature. 10.00 NCIS Crime drama. Tony and Ziva travel to Colombia, where they are joined by Ziva’s mentor to search for a missing Marine Lieutenant and Navy Chaplain. 11.00 NCIS Crime drama. The team investigate after a dead man and some classified Navy documents are found in the burnt-out warehouse. 11.55 NCIS American crime drama. 12.45am True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Benidorm ER 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 HouseBusters Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Flash 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Britcam: Emergency On Our Streets 11.00 Legends 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2)

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Barely Legal Drivers 9.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 10.00 Life Is Toff. See hi 10.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 11.00 Family Guy 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Life Is Toff 1.00 The Revolution 1.30 EastEnders 2.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (x2) 8.30 National Treasures Of Wales 9.00 Storyville: Blackfish – The Whale That Killed 10.00 The Life And Loves Of A She-Devil 11.20 Rosslyn Chapel: A Treasure In Stone 12.20am Tom Jones At The BBC 1.20 Tom Jones - What Good Am I?

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! The Next Generation 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 FILM: I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry (2007) 1.05am Two And A Half Men

9.30am Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.50 Fresh Fields 5.20 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 Unforgiven 11.00 The Vice 12.40am Inspector Morse

4.30pm Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 Bad Robots. See highlights. 10.35 Tattoos After Dark 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am The Inbetweeners

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages 10.00 Great Canal Journeys 11.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 11.55 Come Dine With Me Abroad 1.00am Grand Designs

11.00am The Hindenburg (1975) 1.35pm Never So Few (1959) 4.10 True Grit (1969) 6.45 Hairspray (2007) 9.00 The Hunger Games (2012) 11.45 The Running Man (1987) 1.40am Series 7: The Contenders (2001) 3.35 Close

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WEDNESDAY 12 The Vote Latest TV, 8pm Frank Le Duc chairs another topical debate, with guests from the world of politics and those involved with local issues. Discussing the bigger pictures, as well as the local ramifications of national decisions, tune in to find what heated issues of the day are to come under Frank’s scrutiny.

Wentworth Prison Channel Five, 10pm Fight! Fight! Fight! Ferguson releases Boomer from isolation, forcing the issue between Bea and Franky. There’ll be tears before bedtime. Bea doesn’t seem too upset though, as it allows her to set into motion her plan to escape and kill Brayden Holt. As you do. Whatever happened to doing your porridge?

Sweat The Small Stuff BBC3, 10pm Making mountains out of molehills, Nick Grimshaw hosts this comedy panel show that agrees that small niggles really are the worse thing ever. Ever. Gets you thinking about what gets your goat that shouldn’t. Anyway, team captains Rochelle Humes and Melvin Odoom are joined by special guests.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Best of Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 International Chef Exchange 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Growing Concerns 6.00 News The latest news plus national updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show with presenters Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 8.30 Latest Homes Live Pioneering daily property show, a commercial feature, with homes for sale and to let in the area, as well as Exceptional Homes, iconic buildings, local history and finance tips. 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 Bookenders 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Latest Homes Live 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bookenders

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 Waterloo Road School-based drama. Lenny is determined to do whatever it takes to get the grades he needs for university, but will the pressure of mock exams prove to be too much? 9.00 The Apprentice Lord Sugar summons the candidates to tell them their next task. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Looking After Mum – A Children In Need Special Documentary about young carers and their families. In the UK around 700,000 young people are caring for a loved one. While many feel stigmatised, overlooked and even bullied by a society that doesn’t understand the difficulties they face, others are fiercely proud and protective of their role. Over the course of several months four young carers allow cameras to follow them and their families as they deal with situations most adults would struggle to cope with. 11.35 Film 2014 Claudia Winkleman and Danny Leigh take a critical look at the week’s film releases. 12.05am FILM: The Notorious Bettie Page (2005) 1.35 Weather For The Week Ahead 1.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.15 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.00 Sacred Rivers With Simon Reeve 10.00 Building Dream Homes 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Coast 12.10 Animal Park 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two All the gossip. 7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Searching for untapped interior design talent. 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals Two Michelin-starred chef Marcus Wareing joins chef Monica Galetti and MasterChef’s seasoned diner Gregg Wallace to judge Britain’s ambitious new chefs. 9.00 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo sets off with his 1913 guide down the spine of Italy from Rome to Sicily. Braving the traffic, Michael begins his Roman holiday by weaving among the capital city’s magnificent landmarks on the back of a 1950s Vespa. 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired The newly-fired candidate from The Apprentice receives a grilling in front of a studio audience. 10.30 Newsnight 11.15 Teenage Tommies A tribute to the teenage heroes of the Great War. 12.15am Intruders 1.00 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.30 Sign Zone: The Kitchen 2.30 Sign Zone: Doctor Who 3.55 Strange Days: Cold War Britain – Learning Zone 4.25 D-Day: The Last Heroes 5.00 Britain And The Start Of WW1 5.10 History Hunt 5.40 Why The Industrial Revolution Happened Here

ITV1

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The Sharmas are stunned by Priya’s revelation. 7.30 Coronation Street Peter faces up to some home truths. Can Chesney trust Cilla? Bitter Todd returns home. 8.00 Surprise Surprise Holly Willoughby presents the show where ordinary people are rewarded for doing extraordinary things. 9.00 Broadmoor Second part of the documentary about Broadmoor, one of the world’s most infamous highsecurity psychiatric hospitals. Founded in 1863, some of the country’s most violent offenders are incarcerated here. Many people still think that Broadmoor is the dumping ground for society’s most infamous criminals, a final destination which leaves them with no hope of return. Unlike prisoners, they have not been given any fixed sentence and can be held for as long as the hospital and the Ministry of Justice think necessary. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Nation’s Favourite Queen Song As ITV reveals the results of an exclusive poll to find the Nation’s Favourite Queen Song, this programme tells the stories behind the band’s greatest hits. 12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks As celebration turns to tragedy on the party train, who will survive the devastation? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2014 Celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers from around the world. 8.00 Posh Pawn Documentary series looking at high-end pawnbrokers in Britain. A glamorous celebrity hat designer visits Prestige Pawnbrokers. 9.00 Liberty Of London Documentary series going behind the scenes at the stylish London department store as it gets ready for the festive season. In this episode, we are introduced to some celebrity visitors. 10.00 The Million Pound Necklace: Inside Boodles Going behind the scenes at Boodles, one of the most exclusive jewellers in Britain, as they design and create their most valuable and ambitious collection so far. 11.05 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at at St George’s Hospital in south west London. 12.05am MUSIC ON 4: Music Nation 12.40 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 1.25 FILM: Lootera (2013) 3.40 FILM: Siege At Red River (1954) 5.10 Win It Cook It 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 6.55am Children’s television 6.55 Pip Ahoy! 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Carnal Innocence (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Brax is not coping with Casey’s death and he begins to talk about seeking vengeance. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit. 8.00 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun Observational documentary series following the lives of those who live in Gibraltar. 9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series revealing the work of bailiffs and repossession agents. In this episode, Brian and Graham have to weigh up the assets of a Brighton Health Spa that has fallen into debt, before they trace a tricky debtor in South London who is determined to put them off the scent. The guys then have to act sensitively as their next target sets off on an emotional journey. 10.00 Wentworth Prison See highlighs. 11.00 200 Nips And Tucks And I Want More! Documentary about people who have become addicted to body-enhancing surgery. 12.00am Dallas 12.50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.15 SuperCasino 3.10 Underground Britain 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 HouseBusters Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

9.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 FILM: X-Men (2000) 10.00 Legends 11.00 Forever 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Gavin & Stacey (x2) 9.00 People Like Us 10.00 Sweat The Small Stuff. See highlight 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Sweat The Small Stuff 1.00 People Like Us 2.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Natural World 9.00 FILM: Miss Potter (2006) 10.30 Treasures Of The Anglo Saxons 11.30 The Joy Of Easy Listening 1.00am Easy Listening Hits At The BBC 2.00 Elvis Costello: Mystery Dance 3.00 Treasures Of The Anglo Saxons

12.45pm IACGMOOHN: Crown Jewels 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 100% You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 IACGMOOHN: Trials And Tribulations 9.00 Freshers 2014 10.00 FILM: Happy Gilmore (1996) 11.55 Two And A Half Men (x4) 1.35am Fake Reaction

9.30am Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Second Thoughts 4.45 Fresh Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Unforgiven 11.00 The Vice 12.40am Wycliffe 1.40 World Kitchen 2.05 Nightscreen

2.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 4.00 Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 FILM: Avatar (2009) 11.15 The Inbetweeners 11.45 The IT Crowd 12.20am Drifters

3.35pm Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The World’s Weirdest Weather 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 11.10 Was It Something I Said? 11.40 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.30am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown

11.00am Genevieve (1953) 12.45pm Edge Of Darkness (1943) 3.10 Jesse James (1939) 5.20 Titanic (1997) 9.00 The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 (2011) 11.15 Dog Soldiers (2001) 1.25am Micmacs (2009) 3.35 Close

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THURSDAY 13 A Fair Deal For Women: Tonight ITV1, 7.30pm With attention drawn to Gamergate online, #everydaysexism, as well as the onslaught of explicit music and videos that reinforce lad culture, Asamah Mir investigates the discrimination and sexism that has become a part of daily life in Britain.

Babylon Channel 4, 10pm The comedy drama returns after the success of its one-off trial earlier in the year. Oh, how contemporary police work and its public relations spin dance a fine old jig. Tonight a private security firm asks the police for help at a Young Offenders Institution riot, giving the commissioner the ideal opportunity to voice his politics.

Scorpion ITV2, 9pm Ooh! Guppy from Casualty’s grown up! And he’s become American and is heading up this super group of super geniuses, gathered to keep saving everyone each week. Bless him. This week the team travel to Las Vegas to help a casino that is losing out on their high-roller blackjack tables.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Latest Sport Preview The Latest Sports team preview the sport coming up this weekend. 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond. 7.30 Albion Night The Seagulls’ weekly show with Latest Sport. Featuring news about the squads and competitions, classic games from the club’s archives and much more. 8.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show. 9.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show. 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bowlegs Live music and interviews with the artists, presented by Julian Tardo. 11.30 Indiecan 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Latest Sport Preview 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 Albion Night 2.30 Albion Night 3.30 Albion Night 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Bowlegs 5.30 Indiecan

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Kat and Stacey’s relationship is tested when it becomes clear that Stacey has a problem with Alfie. 8.00 Watchdog Consumer series with Anne Robinson, Matt Allwright and Chris Hollins. 9.00 Life Story David Attenborough explores how animals attempt to overcome the challenges that face them at each of the six crucial stages of life as they strive towards ultimate success– passing on their genes. To gain power an animal must find a way to rise through the ranks of its society as the most powerful have best access to food and water, and they are also the most attractive to the opposite sex. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents the topical debate from Cardiff. The panel includes Conservative secretary of state for Wales Stephen Crabb MP and Labour’s first minister of Wales Carwyn Jones AM. 11.35 Looking After Mum – A Children In Need Special Documentary about young carers and their families. 12.35am Holiday Weatherview 12.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 Human Universe 10.05 Gardeners’ World 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Coast 12.10 Animal Park 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Backstage gossip. 7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge It’s the final heat and three new designers battle it out for a place in the second round. 8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals It is quarter-final day and the chefs’ first challenge is the Invention Test – but this one will push them to their limits. 9.00 The Fall Crime drama series set in Northern Ireland. Gibson continues her hunt for the killer by trying to help Spector’s surviving victim remember the identity of her attacker. Spector is forced to deal with the loose ends he has left behind in Belfast, leading to terrifying consequences. 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines and bizarre news stories. 10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines. 11.15 The Mekong River With Sue Perkins Sue Perkins embarks on a life-changing, 3,000-mile journey up the Mekong. 12.15am Sign Zone: Ebola Frontline - Panorama 4.00 The Time Traveller’s Guide To Elizabethan England - Learning Zone 5.00 Human Planet: Change And Sustainability

ITV1

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jai’s search for Archie takes a complicated turn. 7.30 A Fair Deal For Women: Tonight See highlights. 8.00 Emmerdale Lachlan is accused of having a vendetta against Belle. 8.30 Paul O’Grady: For The Love Of Dogs Paul O’Grady meets more of the residents of Battersea Dogs and Cats Home. In this episode, Paul does his very best to help train cairn terrier Teddy, but it is tough going as Teddy is blind. 9.00 Neil Diamond: For One Night Only The legendary American music star takes centre stage at the London Palladium for this one-off special. Rob Brydon hosts the show and accompanies his hero on a journey back to Brooklyn where Neil’s story began. The pair head off to Coney Island and Brighton Beach, to Flatbush and to Neil’s childhood home. 10.15 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.55 Wilderness Walks With Ray Mears Ray explores the riches of the stunning Galloway coast and the hidden treasures that live in Britain’s largest forest park, including the rare and elusive pine marten. 11.25 The Chase Quiz show. 12.25am Jackpot247 3.00 A Fair Deal For Women: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Heartbreak fills the air as the deceased are carried away from the train. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Rory Peck Awards 2014 Celebrating the work of freelance newsgatherers. 8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces Property design series with architect George Clarke. George meets a pair of newlyweds investing their life savings in a dilapidated 1950s yacht. 9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at at St George’s Hospital in south west London. Tree surgeon Paul, 38, is rushed into Resuscitation after falling 25 feet from a tree. He has a head wound and is complaining of shooting pains in his back and pins and needles in his feet. 10.00 Babylon See highlights. 11.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show. Host Jimmy Carr is joined by team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock, with guests including Sarah Millican. 11.50 24 Hours In Police Custody 12.55am Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 1.45 One Born Every Minute 2.35 Unreported World 3.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 3.55 Location, Location, Location 4.55 Win It Cook It 5.20 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.10 FILM: Rosamunde Pilcher: The Unknown Heart (2014) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away A distressed Sophie finds herself listening to Nate’s voicemail, where she hears a message from Hannah and turns back to an old source of comfort – her prescription drugs. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show showcasing the latest technology. 8.00 Underground Britain Documentary series in which engineer Rob Bell explores the UK’s subterranean wonders. 9.00 Streets Of Rage: Caught On Camera Documentary. Journalist Nick Wallis investigates the effect of alcohol and drugs-related violence on towns and cities across the UK and joins police forces on the road. 10.00 Fred And Rose: House Of Horrors Documentary series which uses first-hand testimony and dramatic reconstructions to examine what led Fred and Rose West to become the most prolific serial killers in British history. 11.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series revealing the work of bailiffs and repossession agents. 12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Great Scientists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 HouseBusters Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

9.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Arrow 9.00 Forever 10.00 The Last Ship (x2) 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Comedy Fest Live 10.00 World’s Craziest Fools 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x4) 12.30am Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 1.30 Life Is Toff 2.00 People Like Us 3.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Sounds Of The 70s 2 8.00 Chivalry And Betrayal: The Hundred Years War 9.00 Queen Victoria’s Letters: A Monarch Unveiled 10.00 Puppy Love 10.30 Horizon: The Secret Life Of The Dog 11.30 Dolly Parton: Platinum Blonde 12.30am Barry Manilow At The BBC 1.30 Screen Goddesses

1.15pm You’ve Been Framed! 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 IACGMOOHN: Crown Jewels 9.00 Scorpion. See highlights. 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 FILM: Little Man (2006) 12.45am Two And A Half Men (x2)

9.30am Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 Inspector Morse 12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Second Thoughts 4.40 Fresh Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 The Little House 11.00 The Vice 12.35am Inspector Morse

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Drifters 9.30 2 Broke Girls 10.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (x2) 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rude Tube 1.00 Don’t Blame Facebook

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Homes By The Sea 10.00 Grand Designs Australia 11.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats: Jimmy, Sean And Jon’s Best Bits 12.00am Come Dine With Me Abroad 1.00 Grand Designs

11.00am In Another Country (2012) 12.55pm Battle Of The River Plate (1956) 3.15 Comanche Station (1960) 4.50 The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) 6.40 Planet Of Apes (1968) 9.00 X-Men: First Class (2011) 11.40 Your Highness (2011) 1.45am A Field In England (2013) 3.50 Close

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FRIDAY 14 Children In Need 2014 BBC1, 7.30pm All across BBC1 and BBC2 (as well as probably your workplace and lunch hour) Children In Need 2014 has taken over. Expect Sir Terry Wogan to start off at the helm of proceedings, with special guests and one-offs throughout the night from EastEnders, Strictly, Doctor Who, One Direction, AllStar Choir and more.

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Channel 4, 8pm There really aren’t enough ‘missions’ about in day to day life. Surely it’s not just these militarytypes who get to have ‘missions’, aka. chores of extreme importance. Anyway, while on a mission to learn more about the mysterious writing, Coulson is attacked from an unlikely quarter.

Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France Sky1, 10pm Micky Flanagan goes further than the ‘out, out’ he’s known for when he hops across the channel to put his own spin on the Tour De France. Meeting the man who sells possibly the most expensive chickens ever, as well as trying out champagne and visiting a nudist camp are all on the cards.

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Best of Brighton Lights 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Albion Night 1.00 Albion Night 2.00 Albion Night 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs

6.00pm News The latest local news plus national and international updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 The Newspapers 7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond. 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay presents the ‘how to’ cookery programme. 8.30 News 9.00 Bored Gamers Greg and Jim present a weekly show for gaming enthusiasts. 10.00 Modern Toss The stink of excellence in a world gone tits-up! Comedy animation and live-action series. Lots of swearing. 10.30 Double Or Nutin’ 11.00 Noise Reel Bmusic’s David Elphick and Catherine Sear amplify a wave of music news and entertainment to your ears with partners BN1 magazine providing local listings. 12.00am Bowlegs 12.30 Under The Radar 1.00 Bored Gamers 2.00 Modern Toss 2.30 Double Or Nutin’ 3.00 Noise Reel 4.00 Bowlegs 4.30 Under The Radar 5.00 Bored Gamers

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six The latest national and international news stories from the BBC News team, followed by weather. 6.30 South East Today The latest news, sport, weather and features from the South East of England. 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Chris Evans and Alex Jones. 7.30 Children In Need 2014 A star-studded line-up of famous faces take part in this year’s marathon fundraising effort. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Children In Need 2014 A star-studded line-up of famous faces take part in this year’s marathon fundraising effort. Sir Terry Wogan is joined by Rochelle Humes and Nick Grimshaw as Children in Need’s glittering night of entertainment continues with the much-anticipated exclusive reunion from S Club 7. Even more treats to be enjoyed include Call the Midwife, Cirque du Soleil, Rixton, Gemma Arterton and the cast of Made in Dagenham, plus musicals Sunny Afternoon and Once with Ronan Keating. 2.00am Weather For The Week Ahead 2.05 BBC News

BBC2

ITV1

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two A peek into rehearsals. 7.00 The Home That Two Built Series which trawls through the archives to see how BBC Two has been a guide to shifting lifestyle trends in contemporary Britain. 8.00 Mastermind The subjects are the sitcom Peep Show, the Battle of the Atlantic, the band Suede and the life and works of Charlotte Bronte. 8.30 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes Michelin-starred chef Tom Kerridge livens up lunches. 9.00 The Fish Market: Inside Billingsgate Documentary about London’s oldest wholesale market, which is on the verge of its biggest change in over a thousand years. 10.00 Children In Need The Children in Need entertainment feast switches over to BBC Two. 10.35 Newsnight 11.10 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Pop quiz. Host Rhod Gilbert and team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus are joined by Lisa Stansfield, Ana Matronic and comedians Aisling Bea and Joe Lycett. 11.40 Later... With Jools Holland: Legends Jools looks back at some of the performances by legendary and iconic artists over the last decade. studio 12.40am FILM: Michael Collins (1996) 2.45 Sign Zone: Question Time

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ali cannot accept Jai’s explanation. 7.30 Coronation Street Peter determines to leave the Street. How will Leanne react to Gary and Alya? 8.00 Secrets From The Sky Series in which historian Bettany Hughes and Ben Robinson presents a unique look at Britain’s past by taking to the air in a bid to unlock secrets hidden in the landscape. 8.30 Coronation Street Will Peter say goodbye to Simon? Leanne struggles to keep Alya’s secret. 9.00 Lewis Police drama series. A case from 13 years earlier comes back to haunt Lewis when the forensic evidence used against serial killer Graham Lawrie is called into question. But while Lawrie remains locked up, a policeman is lured to an isolated location by a hoax call and takes a slater’s hammer to the back of his skull. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 FILM: GoldenEye (1995) Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen. Dynamic action adventure marking Pierce Brosnan’s first appearance as 007. 1.05am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.40 ITV Nightscreen

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 £100k House: Tricks Of The Trade 10.05 Children’s Hospital: The Chaplains 10.35 The Travel Show 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Coast 12.10 Animal Park 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Flog It!

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 10.55 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me: Return Of The Worst 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me: Return Of The Worst 12.35 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 1.05 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 1.40 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Deal Or No Deal (x2) 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sienna flees the hospital with a hostage. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World In August 2014 a coalition of armed groups known as Libya Dawn stormed Libya’s capital, Tripoli, and proclaimed a new government. Now rival groups aligned with the recognised government are counter attacking. Reporter Seyi Rhodes and director Laura Warner shelter in the main fire station, and by filming the firemen gain a vivid snapshot of life in a disintegrating country. 8.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. See highlights. 9.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series. 10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr’s guests are comedian Russell Howard and actors Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis. Music is provided by Lorde. 11.10 Toast Of London Sitcom with Matt Berry starring as thespian Steven Toast. 11.40 FILM: Psycho (1960) Starring Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh. Hitchcock’s classic chiller about the grisly goings-on in a remote motel. 1.45am FILM: The Divide (2011) 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.35 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 5.30 Win It Cook It 5.55 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Underground Britain 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.10 FILM: Rosamunde Pilcher: The Unknown Heart (2014) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Shandi is appalled to discover that the wedding has been postponed and tells Jett. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 World War II In Colour Documentary series. This episode concentrates on Hitler’s attempts in the latter end of 1944 to shift the balance of power back in his favour. 8.00 Rome: The World’s First Superpower Documentary series. Using Julius Caesar’s own memoirs, Larry Lamb traces the story of the great man’s extraordinary transformation from a bankrupt junior public official to the invincible general who conquered Gaul. 9.00 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy In Puglia, Italy’s rural south, Alex visits the Monte Pollino national park, and explores the troglodyte cave dwellings and samples the week-long carnival at Matera. 10.00 Body Of Proof Drama series. When a hated embezzler is abducted on his way out of court and a video of his murder is later released, Tommy and Megan try to prove that he staged his own death. 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles Drama series. 11.55 Access A daily round-up of showbiz news and gossip. 12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Miracle Babies 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Great Scientists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 HouseBusters Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

3.00pm Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 Football’s Funniest Moments 10.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France. See highlights. 11.00 Britcam: Emergency On Our Streets 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Motorway Cops 9.00 FILM: Face/Off (1997) 11.15 Family Guy 11.40 Family Guy 12.00am Family Guy 12.20 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 2.05 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.35 Some Girls 3.05 Some Girls 3.35 Fried

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Darcey Bussell Dances Hollywood 9.00 Johnny Cash: The Man, His World, His Music 10.00 Bob Harris: My Nashville 11.00 Brad Paisley And Friends 12.00am Johnny Cash: The Man, His World, His Music 1.00 John Denver At Wembley Arena 1.40 Bob Harris: My Nashville

1.15pm You’ve Been Framed! 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 Ultimate You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 IACGMOOHN: Best Of The Bush 9.00 FILM: Ocean’s Eleven (2001) 11.25 Dapper Laughs: On The Pull 11.55 Two And A Half Men (x3) 1.15am Dapper Laughs

10.50am Inspector Morse 12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Second Thoughts 4.40 Fresh Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Love Your Garden 10.00 The Little House 11.00 The Vice 12.40am FILM: The Life Of David Gale (2003)

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Hole (2009) 10.55 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 11.55 Tattoos After Dark 12.25am Drifters 12.55 Bad Robots

11.05am Food Unwrapped 11.40 FILM: The Constant Husband (1955) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: Knowing (2009) 11.25 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.10am Father Ted (x2) 1.15 Come Dine With Me

11.00am The Quiet Man (1952) 1.40pm Housekeeping (1987) 4.00 Battleground (1949) 6.25 A Knight’s Tale (2001) 9.00 Paul (2011) 11.05 Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance (2011) 1.00am Angel Heart (1987) 3.20 Close

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SATURDAY 15 Matchday Breakfast Latest TV, 9am Kick off your weekend in sporting style, with breakfast on the sofa with the sports team of Latest TV – Jay Legate, Joseph Gunn and Tim Embleton. It’s not just them, of course, as they welcome former professional sportspeople, fans and – in particular – Sussex sports fans to join them to discuss the big stories on sport.

Atlantis BBC1, 8.30pm So much has happened in a year – as anyone who has ever read a Christmas family round robin letter will know. Since Ariadne’s father died she has been queen and is now at war with her old adversary Pasiphae, and the kingdom is on the brink of collapse. Who can she turn to? Might it be Jason?

Hawaii Five-O Sky1, 8pm You know when you’ve got a good friend when they put their career on the line to save your brother’s life. However, if you dissect that, anyone who wouldn’t put their career on the line to save anyone’s life is going to be a bit of a tool, so make of that what you will. Chin is a good friend to Danno.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Noise Reel 9.00 Matchday Breakfast 11.00 Matchday Breakfast 1.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 2.00 Matchday Breakfast 4.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 5.00 Post Feature 5.30 Cook It!

6.00 Best of Brighton Lights 6.30 Exploring Ancient Egypt Ancient Egypt as captured on a Nile cruise. 7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond. 7.30 You Make It, We Show It! 8.00 News 8.20 Sport News 8.25 Weather 8.30 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.30 Double Or Nutin’ 10.00 Bloody Mary 10.30 Bookenders 11.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 11.30 Bored Gamers 12.30am News 12.50 Sport News 12.55 Weather 1.00 Shocktober 1.30 FilmFest on 8 3.30 Bored Gamers 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 You Make It, We Show It! 5.30 Bowlegs

BBC1

BBC2

6.00 South East Today 6.10 Pointless Celebrities Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman present a special celebrity writers edition of the quiz. Featuring Vanessa Feltz and Penny Smith, Kriss Akabusi and Roger Black, Keith Chegwin and Andrew Castle and Louie Spence and Carol McGiffin. 7.00 Strictly Come Dancing Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman present as Strictly packs its bags and relocates to the home of ballroom! 8.30 Atlantis See highlights. 9.15 Casualty A suspicious death leads Lily on a murder mystery investigation that nearly costs her life. 10.05 The National Lottery Live The National Lottery Live hosted by Gaby Roslin, including the Lotto and Thunderball draws. 10.15 BBC News 10.35 Mrs Brown’s Boys Comedy series about a loudmouthed Irish matriarch and her family. All over Dublin, mothers are excitedly looking forward to seeing their loved ones return home for Christmas. But Agnes Brown is depressed. Her son Trevor is on the missions in Canada, and can’t possibly afford to make it back. 11.05 Jack Whitehall Live Live stand-up from one of Britain’s favourite comedians, Jack Whitehall. 12.05am EastEnders 1.35 Weather For The Week Ahead 1.40 BBC News

7.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets Antiques series. The experts dispense advice and insider tips on commemorative ware, and Michael Baggott finds a set of rather special paper plates. 8.00 Perry & Croft: Made In Britain From Dad’s Army to You Rang, M’Lord?, the comedies of Jimmy Perry and David Croft are a unique chronicle of Britain in the 20th century. Part one examines the British at war. 8.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. The king is coming to Walmington-on-Sea. Captain Mainwaring and the platoons prepare to greet him, but as usual things don’t quite go according to plan. 9.00 QI XL Quiz show. Stephen Fry looks at jobs with Sarah Millican, David Mitchell, Rev Richard Coles and Alan Davies. 9.45 War Of Words: Soldier-Poets Of The Somme Narrated by Michael Sheen, this documentary details the experiences of the poets and writers who served in the 1916 Battle of the Somme. It remains the most famous battle of World War I, remembered for its bloodshed and its limited territorial gains. 11.15 TOTP 2 As the series comes to a close, Mark Radcliffe opens the Top of the Pops vaults. 12.15am FILM: Down Terrace (2010) 1.45 FILM: Undertow (2009)

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 James Martin: Home Comforts 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 12.50 Saturday Sportsday 1.00 Rugby League: Four Nations Final Highlights 2.00 Rugby Union: Autumn Internationals – Wales v Fiji 4.30 Children In Need: The Best Bits 5.50 BBC News

6.05am FILM: My Forbidden Past (1951) 7.15 Rugby League: Four Nations Final 10.00 The Life Of Birds 10.50 Animal Park 11.20 Coast 12.00pm Rick Stein’s Far Eastern Odyssey 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 5.00 Rugby Union: Autumn Internationals – Scotland v New Zealand

ITV1

6.00 – 7.05am Children’s television 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 The Matt Hatter Chronicles 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 The Munch Box 9.25 The Hungry Sailors 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.20 ITV News & Weather 11.30 Storage Hoarders 12.30pm Surprise Surprise 1.30 Faith In The Future 2.00 Doc Martin 3.05 Keep It In The Family 4.05 ITV News Meridian 4.15 ITV News & Weather 4.30 Euro 2016 Qualifier Live: England v Slovenia 7.15 The Chase: Celebrity Special Bradley Walsh hosts another celebrity edition of the hit quiz show in which four famous faces take on the Chaser, one of Britain’s finest quiz brains, in a bid to win thousands of pounds for charity. Contestants this time are DJ Jo Whiley, Benidorm’s Jake Canuso, actress Georgia Taylor and comedian Marcus Brigstocke. 8.15 The X Factor Dermot O’Leary hosts as the remaining acts perform live in the X Factor studio, all hoping to win the public vote and survive in the competition for another week. 9.55 The Jonathan Ross Show Star-studded chat show. This week, Jonathan welcomes top TV chef Gordon Ramsay, comedy legend Michael Palin, singing sensation Katherine Jenkins and the star of Inside Llewyn Davis, the awardwinning actor Carey Mulligan. Music comes from one of the UK’s biggest bands, Kasabian. 10.55 ITV News; Weather 11.10 Euro 2016 Qualifier Highlights Adrian Chiles presents highlights of England’s Group E qualifying match against Slovenia from Wembley. After winning their first three games, Roy Hodgson’s team will hope to continue the run. 12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.05am NFL: Rush Zone 6.30 Trans World Sport 7.25 Stockton River Rat Race 7.55 The Morning Line 9.00 Weekend Kitchen 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm The Simpsons 12.30 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.35 Come Dine With Me 6.05 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality series. 6.35 Channel 4 News 7.05 Speed With Guy Martin Guy Martin continues to explore the boundaries of speed. Guy leaves his comfort zone as he takes to the water in a bid to set a new world speed record for a hovercraft. 8.00 Walking Through History Tony Robinson heads to Guernsey and Jersey, the British Channel Islands, which were occupied by Nazi Germany for five years between 1940 and 1945. 9.00 It Was Alright In The 1970s Two-part series which revisits the TV decade that taste forgot. The first episode concentrates on pleasure and leisure on TV in the 70s, featuring some outrageous clips. 10.00 FILM: Chronicle (2012) Starring Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B Jordan, Michael Kelly. Scifi drama. After exploring a strange hole in the ground at a party, three school friends make a discovery that gives them astonishing superpowers. As their lives spin out of control, their friendship is tested. 11.40 FILM: Max Payne (2008) Starring Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Beau Bridges. Dark action film, based on a video game. 1.30am FILM: Shell (2012) 3.05 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.15 Location, Location, Location

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Little Princess 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Wanda And The Alien 8.30 Zack And Quack 8.45 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.00 Jelly Jamm 9.15 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 9.50 Access 9.55 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 10.55 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 11.55 FILM: The Christmas Heart (2012) 1.40pm FILM: Help For Christmas (2012) 3.20 FILM: Christmas Mail (2010) 5.10 FILM: A Grandpa For Christmas (2007) 6.55 5 News Weekend 7.00 FILM: The Battle Of Britain (1969) Starring Laurence Olivier, Robert Shaw, Christopher Plummer, Susannah York, Ian McShane, Michael Caine, Michael Bates, Ralph Richardson and Redgrave. Colourful, big-budget chronicle of Britain’s air defence against the threat of a German invasion early in the Second World War. Spectacular aerial photography vividly recreates relentless Luftwaffe bombing and the valiant RAF response, and a starstudded ensemble cast provides a sense of the complexity and unanimity of the war effort in all sectors of society. 9.35 FILM: The Wild Geese (1978) Starring Richard Burton, Roger Moore, Richard Harris, Hardy Kruger, Stewart Granger, Jack Watson, Frank Finlay, Kenneth Griffith and Ronald Fraser. Action adventure tale about a team of crack mercenaries brought out of retirement to help rescue a kidnapped African leader. But while the Wild Geese are fighting and dying in the African sun, sinister figures in the corridors of power are working to seal their fate. 12.15am Gotham 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 The Gadget Show 4.00 House Doctor 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary The Racing Car Victoria Nangle

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BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

More4

Film4

3.00pm All Aboard: East Coast Trains (x2) 5.00 Portrait Artist Of The Year 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 8.00 Hawaii Five-0. See highlights. 9.00 FILM: XMen 2 (2003) 11.40 Nativity 3: Dude, Where’s My Donkey Special 11.50 Futurama 12.00am Costa Del Street Crime (x2)

7.00pm World’s Craziest Fools 7.30 Rugby Union: Autumn International Highlights - England v South Africa 8.30 Top Gear 9.15 Sherlock 10.50 Family Guy (x6) 1.25am Life Is Toff 1.55 The Revolution Will Be Televised 2.25 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.55 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm Swarm: Nature’s Incredible Invasions 8.00 The Riviera: A History In Pictures 9.00 Inspector Montalbano 10.35 Krakatoa Revealed 11.25 Swarm: Nature’s Incredible Invasions 12.25am Guitar Heroes At The BBC 1.25 Deep Purple: Made In Japan 2.25 Sounds Of The Eighties 3.00 The Riviera

12.15pm FILM: Twister (1996) 2.30 IACGMOOHN: Trials And Tribulations 3.35 IACGMOOHN: Best Of The Bush 4.35 IACGMOOHN: Crown Jewels 5.45 FILM: Despicable Me (2010) 7.40 FILM: Dungeons And Dragons (2000) 9.55 The Xtra Factor 10.55 Celebrity Juice 11.40 The X Factor 1.15am The Xtra Factor

7.00am 1914 All Out 8.40 The Royal (x2) 10.45 The Darling Buds Of May (x2) 1.00pm Columbo: Murder With Too Many Notes 2.55 A Touch Of Frost 4.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 7.00 Rosemary And Thyme 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Midsomer Murders 11.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.45am Bomb Girls

11.00am Melissa & Joey (x4) 1.00 Made In Chelsea 2.00 FILM: Space Chimps (2008) 3.45 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 4.00 Melissa & Joey (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.00 FILM: Love And Other Drugs (2010) 11.15 Rude Tube 12.20am The Inbetweeners (x2)

1.00pm Four In A Bed (x5) 3.35 Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages 4.40 Homes By The Sea 5.45 Nazi Megastructures 6.55 The World’s Weirdest Weather 7.55 Father Ted (x2) 9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown (x2) 11.05 Secrets Of The Living Dolls 12.10am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown

11.00am Diary Of A Wimpy Kid (2010) 1.00pm Hairspray (2007) 3.25 War Of The Worlds (1953) 5.10 Dark Star (1974) 6.50 The Time Traveller’s Wife (2009) 9.00 Zombieland (2009) 10.45 Attack The Block (2011) 12.30am Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010) 2.10 Re-Animator (1985) 4.00 Close

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SUNDAY 16 Filmfest On 8 Latest TV, 9pm Jessica Kellgren-Hayes helps to answer that ever-present question: ‘What do you fancy watching tonight?’ Looking at new releases to the cineplexes, as well as shorts and brand new work from filmmakers, Jess looks a bit deeper than the big studiobacked splashes to find something to truly entertain.

Homeland Channel 4, 9pm Carrie Matheson wants it all. Clearly not enough people said ‘no’ to her when she was little. She wants to recruit the young medical student who survived her drone attack, she wants to find out the truth about CIA chief Sandy Bahman’s death, and she wants someone else to bring up her daughter. Want, want, want.

Family Guy BBC3, 10pm All change! Chris and Meg think their parents have it easy, but Peter and Lois are certainly not on the same page. Of course this makes for an hilarious opportunity to teach those doggone kids how hard the real world really can be with a life swap. Insert your own ‘winning and learning’ smile here.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 International Chef Exchange 9.00 The Vote 9.30 The Vote 10.00 The Vote 10.30 At The Amex 11.30 Brighton Lights 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Brighton Lights 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 At The Amex 2.30 Best of Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Growing Concerns 5.30 News 5.50 Sport News 5.55 Weather 6.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 6.30 International Chef Exchange 7.30 At The Amex 8.30 News 8.50 Sport News 8.55 Weather 9.00 FilmFest on 8 Presenter Jessica Kellgren-Hayes introduces Latest TV’s very own weekly film festival, a dedicated film night for movies, shorts, and brand new work from filmmakers. 11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 FilmFest on 8 2.30 News 2.50 Sport News 2.55 Weather 3.00 FilmFest on 8 5.00 News 5.20 Sport News 5.25 Weather 5.30 You Make It, We Show It!

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Homes Under The Hammer 12.00pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News 1.15 Escape To The Country 1.45 Gareth’s All Star Choir 2.45 Gareth’s All Star Choir 3.45 Points Of View 4.00 Lifeline 4.10 Songs Of Praise 4.45 Life Story 5.45 BBC News 6.05 South East Today 6.15 Countryfile Ellie Harrison takes a look back through the Countryfile archive to revisit the crafts of the countryside. 7.15 Strictly Come Dancing Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman present the results show from the Blackpool Tower Ballroom as the two couples with the lowest scores dance off against each other and nine couples become eight. 8.00 FILM: War Horse (2011) Starring Jeremy Irvine, Peter Mullan, Emily Watson, Niels Arestrup, David Thewlis, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hiddleston, Celine Buckens. Wartime drama. It is 1914, and struggling Devon farmer Ted Narracott buys a remarkable but unsuitable horse at auction. His son Albert names him Joey and, under pressure from their unscrupulous landlord, somehow trains Joey to work the farm. But when war breaks out, Joey is requisitioned by the army. 10.15 BBC News 10.35 South East Today 10.45 Michael McIntyre’s Showtime Michael McIntyre returns with more energetic observations in a stand-up performance recorded in front of a packed O2 Arena in London. 11.45 The Apprentice 12.45am FILM: Repo Chick (2009) 2.10 Weather For The Week Ahead 2.15 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Life In A Cottage Garden With Carol Klein 6.30 Great British Garden Revival 7.30 Countryfile 8.40 Glorious Gardens From Above 9.30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.00 James Martin: Home Comforts 11.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 12.30pm Rick Stein’s Far Eastern Odyssey 1.30 Rugby Union: Autumn International Highlights - England v South Africa 2.25 FILM: Up Periscope (1959) 4.15 Glorious Gardens From Above 5.00 Flog It! 6.00 Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals Coverage from the final of the season-ending ATP World Tour Finals in London. 7.00 Human Universe Professor Brian Cox concludes his exploration of our place in the universe. 8.00 The Mekong River With Sue Perkins In Cambodia, animal lover Sue is confronted by the most emotionally challenging and complex world of wildlife trafficking. 9.00 World’s Greatest Food Markets Following a dream of visiting and trading in the world’s greatest food markets, Billingsgate trader Roger Barton heads across the Atlantic to New York’s New Fulton market, the biggest fish market in America. 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines and bizarre news stories. 10.30 The Wrong Mans Sitcom. Lowly council employee Sam Pinkett is the sole witness to a shocking car accident. 11.00 The Wrong Mans Sitcom. 11.30 FILM: Regeneration (1997) Starring Jonathan Pryce. Adaptation of Pat Barker’s prizewinning novel set in a Scottish hospital during the First World War. 1.20am Sign Zone: Countryfile 2.35 Sign Zone: Holby City

ITV1

6.00 – 6.40am Children’s television 6.40 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 6.50 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 Ultimate SpiderMan 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 Big Time Rush 9.00 The Aquabats! Super Show! 9.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.35 FILM: Carry On Cowboy (1965) 1.25pm All Star Family Fortunes 2.10 The Unforgettable Benny Hill 2.50 The X Factor 4.25 Downton Abbey 6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Surreal comedy from the mind of Harry Hill as he narrates more home videos. 6.30 ITV News Meridian 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Keep It In The Family Bradley Walsh hosts the show in which two families go head-to-head in a series of games to win all sorts of prizes. This week, six stars from Coronation Street face being dropped through a trapdoor. 8.00 The X Factor Results Dermot O’Leary hosts as the singing competition’s sixth elimination is announced. 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec present the fourteenth series of the celebrity jungle survival challenge. I’m a Celebrity... returns with a new group of jungle campmates. They face gruelling challenges from the start, but which celebrity will be chosen by the public to undergo the first dreaded Bushtucker Trial? 10.40 ITV News; Weather 10.55 Broadmoor Second part of the documentary about Broadmoor, one of the world’s most infamous highsecurity psychiatric hospitals. 11.55 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership 12.50am The Store 2.20 Motorsport UK 3.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.10am NFL: The American Football Show 7.05 How I Met Your Mother 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Jamie’s Comfort Food 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.30pm The Big Bang Theory 12.55 The Big Bang Theory 1.20 Channel 4 Racing 3.40 FILM: 17 Again (2009) 5.45 FILM: Mirror Mirror (2012)

7.40 Channel 4 News 8.00 Speed With Guy Martin Motorcycle racer and mechanic Guy Martin explores the boundaries of speed. Guy takes on the challenge of building the fastest soapbox racer the world has ever seen, in an attempt to set a new speed record using just the pull of gravity and a tarmac road. Guy first tries his hand at street luge with ex-world champion Helene Schmit, before meeting up with his team of engineers to explore the science of rolling resistance and the importance of tyre pressure. After training with the Team GB women’s bobsled pair to perfect his push start, Guy is confident of success. 9.00 Homeland See highlights. 10.00 Micky Flanagan: Back In The Game One of the nation’s bestloved comedians performs to his home crowd at London’s Hackney Empire with tales of middle age, marriage and a man’s prerogative. 11.40 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own light-hearted chat show. His guests are comedian Russell Howard and actors Charlie Day, Gillian Anderson and Jason Sudeikis. Music is provided by Lorde. 12.40am The Big Bang Theory 1.05 According To Jim 1.25 NFL: American Football Live 4.45 NFL: Rush Zone 5.10 SuperScrimpers 5.25 Deal Or No Deal

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Little Princess 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Wanda And The Alien 8.35 Zack And Quack 8.50 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.05 Jelly Jamm 9.20 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 9.55 Access 10.05 Police Interceptors 11.10 Police Interceptors 12.10pm FILM: The Good Witch’s Charm (2012) 1.55 FILM: A Star For Christmas (2012) 3.40 FILM: Farewell Mr Kringle (2010) 5.25 FILM: Dumb And Dumber (1994) 7.30 5 News Weekend 7.40 FILM: Superman II (1980) Starring Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman, Ned Beatty. Entertaining, special effects-filled sequel to Superman. Three villains from Krypton, home of the Man of Steel, arrive on Earth with powers equal to Superman’s, intent on conquering the planet. Meanwhile, Superman is pondering whether to tie the knot with Lois Lane, which by the laws of Krypton would require him to surrender his superhuman powers. 10.00 FILM: Conan The Barbarian (2011) Starring Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, Leo Howard, Said Taghmaoui, Nonso Anozie, Steven O’Donnell, Bob Sapp, Ron Perlman, Rachel Nichols, Jason Momoa and Steven Lang. Fantasy adventure about Conan and his noble quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village. This soon turns into an epic battle against horrific monsters, supernatural evil and impossible odds as Conan battles to save the great nations of Hyboria. 12.15am FILM: Chaos (2005) 2.05 SuperCasino 3.10 Mysteries Of The Bermuda Triangle 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary The Racing Car Victoria Nangle

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12.00pm Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 1.00 Last Man Standing (x2) 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (x2) 4.00 Futurama 4.30 The Simpsons (x4) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Flash 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 Trollied 11.30 The Cafe 12.00am Road Wars

7.00pm LIVE: Tennis: ATP World Tour Finals 9.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 10.00 Family Guy. See highlights. 10.25 Family Guy 10.45 Life Is Toff 11.15 FILM: Face/Off (1997) 1.25am Sweat The Small Stuff 1.55 People Like Us 2.55 The Revolution Will Be Televised 3.25 Life Is Toff

7.00pm The Great War 7.40 Britain’s Wild Places (x2) 8.00 Congo Calling: An African Orchestra In Britain 9.00 Rosetta: A Sky At Night Special 10.00 Pop Go The Sixties 10.15 Mark Lawson Talks To Michael Morpurgo 11.15 Johnny Cash: The Man, His World, His Music 12.15am Bob Harris: My Nashville

2.30pm FILM: Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995) 4.25 FILM: King Kong (2005) 8.00 Scorpion 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 You’ve Been Framed! 10.30 McBusted: The Hot Desk 10.40 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.45 Educating Joey Essex: Reem Halloween 12.45am Two And A Half Men (2)

6.00am A Touch Of Frost 7.50 Agatha Christie’s Marple 9.50 Heartbeat (x2) 11.55 Inspector Morse 2.00pm Rosemary And Thyme 3.00 FILM: George And Mildred (1980) 4.55 Columbo: Any Old Port In A Storm 6.55 Inspector Morse 9.00 Lewis 11.00 William And Mary (x2) 1.05am Wycliffe

10.00am Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Made In Chelsea 1.30 FILM: A Turtle’s Tale: Sammy’s Adventures (2010) 3.15 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 3.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (x2) 4.30 The Big Bang Theory (x7) 8.00 FILM: Avatar (2009) 11.10 The Inbetweeners (x2) 12.15am Drifters 12.50 Bad Robots

11.00am Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages 12.05pm Homes By The Sea 1.05 Car S.O.S 2.05 Gadget Man 2.40 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.25 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Grand Designs 9.00 Guy Martin’s Spitfire 10.40 The Plane That Saved Britain 11.45 8 Out Of 10 Cats 12.35am Guy Martin’s Spitfire 2.15 Hostages

11.00am The Rugrats Movie (1998) 1.00pm Planet Of The Apes (1968) 3.20 Titanic (1997) 7.05 Legend (1985) 9.00 Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011) 11.05 Conan The Barbarian (1982) 1.40am House Of Flying Daggers (2004) 4.00 Close

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MONDAY 17 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! ITV1, 9pm The big launch may have been last night, but tonight holds footage of the first Bushtucker trial, as well as letting us know how the celebs settled into the jungle for their first night. This is the point when ‘tired and hungry’ translates into ratings and an Iceland ad contract.

Ebola Frontline – Panorama BBC1, 10.35pm This remarkable programme sees Panorama spend a month in Sierra Leone with British-born Dr Javid Abdelmoneim, shadowing him every moment at the treatment centre run by the charity MSF. Seeing the impact this deadly virus has on families and communities, and the relief when cured patients get to leave.

Made In Chelsea E4, 9pm Rah! Isn’t it handy that these reality stars can still afford to dress in Bond Street from head to toe? One must always look one’s best when galavanting and having showdowns with one’s pals. Alik’s trying to find out if Louise has hooked up with another guy, but Louise has no memory of the night in question.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 Latest Homes Live 11.00 At The Amex 12.00pm Latest Homes Live 2.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 3.00 What The Waffle 3.30 Cook It! 4.00 The Newspapers 4.30 The Vote 5.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest

6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates. 6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing Mike Mendoza presents his entertainment show. 7.00 Best of Brighton Lights 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics. 8.30 Growing Concerns 9.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay’s weekly ‘how to’ cookery programme. Sourcing local, good value, seasonal produce and with guest chefs. 9.30 International Chef Exchange 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bored Gamers 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 Best of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Growing Concerns 3.00 Cook It! 3.30 International Chef Exchange 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Fake Britain Matt Allwright investigates the conmen who are trying to get their hands on your money by using fakes, forgeries and frauds and shows you how to avoid being taken for a ride. 8.00 EastEnders Lee’s birthday celebrations do not go quite to plan when Stan’s secret is exposed. Linda trips up over her lies but despite everything she still plans to go ahead with the abortion the following day. 8.30 Room 101 Greg Davies, Ben Fogle and Janet Street-Porter attempt to convince Frank Skinner to consign their pet hates to Room 101. 9.00 New Tricks Drama series. The UCOS team reinvestigate the disappearance of a prominent physics professor who was working on a revolutionary cold fusion research project. But the investigation takes an unusual twist. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Ebola Frontline – Panorama See highlights. 11.20 Jamie Baulch: Looking For My Birth Mum Olympic silver medal winner Jamie Baulch embarks on a journey to find the birth mother who gave him up for adoption in 1973. 12.20am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.25 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 10.05 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Coast 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 The Great British Bake Off 3.00 A Place To Call Home 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.35 Cagney And Lacey 5.20 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show. 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Backstage gossip. 7.00 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes How to cook the best ever versions of the food everyone loves. 7.30 Children’s Hospital: The Chaplains Documentary series. On the teenage cancer ward a 15-yearold boy is treated for leukaemia. 8.00 University Challenge It is another second round match with two teams fighting it out for a place in the quarter-finals. 8.30 Only Connect Quiz show presented by Victoria Coren Mitchell. 9.00 Intruders Conflicted young Madison takes refuge in a house she finds familiar, while Jack’s quest for information leads to a showdown with a Shepherd. 9.45 Some Irish People With Jokes Forget about the gift of the gab, this lot have got the gift of the gag. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic pop quiz. Rhod Gilbert, Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus are joined by Michael Ball, Lethal Bizzle, Gemma Cairney and Sarah Millican. 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo sets off with his 1913 guide from Rome. 12.20am Sign Zone: The Apprentice 4.00 Drink And Drugs: My Story 5.00 Life Stories

ITV1

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jai is annoyed by Rakesh’s interfering. Pete’s suspicions are aroused. Zak reckons he has found Belle’s bully. 7.30 Coronation Street Sally suspects Tim and Anna. Steve runs away from his problems. Will Alya impress Carla? 8.00 Countrywise Paul Heiney, Ben Fogle and Liz Bonnin present the series about rural life. 8.30 Coronation Street How will Sally react to Tim’s secret? Michelle feels distant from Steve. Alya thinks she has blown it. 9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! See highlights. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Agenda ITV News political editor Tom Bradby is joined by big names from government, news and entertainment to take a fresh look at the week ahead. 11.20 The Jonathan Ross Show Star-studded chat show. This week, Jonathan welcomes top TV chef Gordon Ramsay, comedy legend Michael Palin, singing sensation Katherine Jenkins and the star of Inside Llewyn Davis, the awardwinning actor Carey Mulligan. 12.20am Jackpot247 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sienna takes her hostage to an abandoned building. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 How The Rich Get Richer: Channel 4 Dispatches Fraser Nelson exposes a new inequality between the haves and have-nots. At the top, the richest are sitting pretty with high-end goods. But Nelson also shows how the increasing gap isn’t just about money. 8.30 Sarah Beeny’s How To Sell Your Home Sarah Beeny presents the property series. 9.00 24 Hours In Police Custody Documentary series. Three sex workers are arrested during a raid on a local brothel. 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show. 10.50 Toast Of London Sitcom. A return to the West End stage in the legendary ‘whodunnit’ play The Moose Trap is seriously jeopardised when Toast reveals the killer’s identity in a radio interview. 11.20 The IT Crowd Sitcom. 11.50 NFL: The American Football Show The best of the week’s action from the NFL. 12.50am FILM: Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (2013) 3.30 FILM: Raiders From Beneath The Sea (1964) 4.45 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: A Christmas Visitor (2002) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Brax looks set to tip over the edge as Casey’s funeral approaches, seeking solace in alcohol and surfing. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show showcasing the latest technology. 8.00 Jack The Ripper: The Missing Evidence The identity of Jack the Ripper has been the subject of speculation for over a century, however journalist Christer Holmgren believes that he knows who he was. 9.00 Gotham Action-packed drama series. Gotham is plagued by an apparently resurrected serial killer whose target is the offspring of the city’s wealthiest citizens. Meanwhile, the net closes around Gordon for Oswald Cobblepot’s murder. 10.00 Under The Dome Mystery drama series. As the Dome continues to shrink, Julia and Barbie organise a mass evacuation through a tunnel in the crater. 10.55 FILM: Set Up (2011) Starring Bruce Willis, Curtis Jackson. Action thriller revolving around a group of men whose friendship is tested when a diamond heist goes wrong. 12.35am World’s Scariest Flights 1.15 SuperCasino 3.10 200 Nips And Tucks And I Want More! 4.00 Nick’s Quest Naturalist 4.20 Great Scientists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France 10.00 Arrow 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 8.15 FILM: The Proposal (2009) 10.00 Some Girls 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Some Girls 1.00 Sweat The Small Stuff 1.30 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 2.25 People Like Us 3.25 Some Girls

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Lost Cities Of The Ancients 9.00 Dancing Cheek To Cheek: An Intimate History Of Dance 10.00 The Kate Bush Story: Running Up That Hill 11.00 Jack Bruce: The Man Behind The Bass 12.00am Sounds Of The Eighties 12.30 Puppy Love

1.50pm Royal Pains 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.55 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 7.35 You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Tricked: Favourite Tricks 10.00 I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.50 Plebs 12.20am Viral Tap 1.00 Two And A Half Men

8.25am Wycliffe 9.35 Judge Judy (x3) 10.55 A Touch Of Frost 12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Second Thoughts 4.40 Fresh Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Endeavour 11.05 The Vice 12.45am A Touch Of Frost

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Made In Chelsea. See highlights. 10.00 Rude Tube 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.10am Brooklyn Nine-Nine

11.50am FILM: The Black Arrow (1948) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Location, Location, Location Australia 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Car S.O.S 10.00 The World’s Most Extreme 11.05 Terror In The Skies 12.05am Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 1.05 Car S.O.S 2.05 Hostages

11.00am Jesse James (1939) 1.10pm Edge Of Darkness (1943) 3.35 Seventh Cavalry (1956) 5.10 The Cross Of Lorraine (1943) 7.00 Hero (2002) 9.00 The Hunger Games (2012) 11.45 Underworld: Awakening (2012) 1.25am Lunacy (2005) 4.00 Close