R E L AT I N G
Modern Manners R E A L S I M P L E ’ S E T I Q U E T T E E X P E R T, C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N , O F F E R S HER BEST ADVICE ON YO U R S O C I A L Q UA N DA R I E S.
J .W. A S K S . . .
My husband and I live in a close-knit active adult community. One couple invites about 200 neighbors to an open house each year via email, and we have attended every year. I heard the invites were out this year, but none showed up in our inbox. It’s very doubtful that we weren’t invited. How do we proceed?
72 RE AL SIMPLE APRIL 2018
ABOUT C AT H E R I N E The author of One Mixed-Up Night, Catastrophic Happiness, and Waiting for Birdy, Catherine Newman has shared her wisdom on matters ranging from family and friends to happiness and pickling in numerous publications. She gets advice from her husband and two opinionated children in Amherst, Massachusetts.
Umami trumps all! Oh, wait, no. Graciousness does. Your brother-in-law is being a terrible host. As a lover myself of those ineffable salty, lip-smacking flavors, I say: Introduce him to sea-free alternatives (miso, Marmite, and Parmesan, to name just a few) or ask him to hold a portion back before fishing it all up. Failing that? Bring your own food. And try clearing the air, because something seems seriously amiss in your relationship.
C AT H E R I N E N E W M A N I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y U L I K N Ö R Z E R ; O T H E R I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y Y O C O N A G A M I YA
Unless you drunkenly barfed into their begonias last year, I would assume they meant to invite you. Maybe they had an email glitch, or you did. (You’ve checked your spam folder, right?) Send a delicate inquiry: “We don’t seem to have received an open house invitation this year. We’re assuming you decided to host a smaller gathering, which we understand completely! We would just hate to miss it if that wasn’t your intention.” And give your email a self-ironic subject line, like “Awkwardness alert!” You’ll hear back that of course they meant to invite you. Or they’ll confirm that they’ve shrunk the invite list. These are both outcomes you can live with more readily than not knowing. (But also? Check your spam folder.)
M .T. A S K S . . .
I don’t like seafood at all. I have tried over the years to learn to like it, but I simply don’t. My husband and I are planning a visit with my brother-in-law, who, despite knowing about my dislike for fish, puts it in every dish. He’ll even add anchovies or fish sauce to a nonfish meal because, he says, it adds umami. My husband and I agree he does this out of spite. Is it OK to bring my own food so I have something to eat, or do I have to live on side dishes for four days?
