loves about his wife so you can appreciate things that aren’t immediately apparent to you (like behind-the-scenes ways she is supporting his career), says Lively. Slowly reframing your view can lead to genuine affection down the road. ALSO APPLIES TO: Your best friend’s new beau.
MORE ADVICE
Get help with other tricky relationships—in-laws, especially—from Modern Manners columnist Catherine Newman at realsimple.com/inlaws.
T E E NAG E R S
YO U R 6 -Y E A R - O L D ’ S BEST FRIEND who is obnoxious and, ugh, attached at the hip to your first grader. HOW TO FAKE IT: Try avoidance. If possible, keep the child off your turf. Assuming the kid is just annoying (i.e., not a bully), “let your child spend all the time she wants at the friend’s house. I take myself out of it,” says Wentworth. HOW TO MAKE IT: Children view the world differently than adults. Use a tactic similar to the one with your brother (see left) and find out why your child is drawn to this friend. “Ask, ‘What
do you like about Jack? Why do you like him more than Sarah or Matthew?’” says Hertz. You may find out that where you see “mischievous,” your son sees “imaginative.” The insight can cast a better light on a vexing child. ALSO APPLIES TO: Your tween’s—gulp—new love interest (though you may want that one on your turf, and in your sights, occasionally).
who are really hard to figure out, even when they’re yours. HOW TO FAKE IT: Don’t try to be cool, says Ernesto R. Escoto, director of the University of Florida’s Counseling & Wellness Center. Just be a constant. “It’s important to maintain a calm, level demeanor regardless of their mood swings or changing opinions,” he says. In the heat of the moment, remind yourself of two things: The teen years won’t last forever. And if you think you’re uncomfortable, they are doubly so. HOW TO MAKE IT: “Think of a teenager as a wet bar of soap,” says Escoto. “If your contact is too light, it will slip out. If you apply too much pressure, it will do the same.” The only way to truly handle teens, he explains, is to spend enough time with them to understand what works with their personality. That is to say, loving them well means giving them their space but not shutting them out completely. They need you more than they would ever admit. ALSO APPLIES TO: Your hotheaded boss. Q
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