THE GUIDE health
G I V E I N TO YO U R FEELINGS
IT MAY START WITH a nagging symptom, a troubling scan, or a phone call. In an instant, your life seems to split into before and after. We all hope it will never happen to us, but odds are you or someone close to you will have to navigate this traumatic terrain at some point. Forty percent of Americans will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime; breast, lung, and colorectal are the three most prevalent types for women. Heart disease, multiple sclerosis, and other life-changing illnesses are also all too common. “There’s initially a feeling of complete shock. It may last hours or days,” says Gary McClain, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in New York City and the author of After the Diagnosis: How Patients React and How to Help Them Cope. Although you may want
to crawl under the covers and stay there, you need to take in complex medical information, help loved ones cope, and juggle the rest of life. Even in the midst of a crisis, the dog needs to be walked. “Being sick can be a fulltime job,” says Patty Ribera, a professional organizer, a former nurse, and the founder of Critical Organizing, which provides medical, financial, and estate organizational help. And it’s one that you’ve had no training for: What do you do first? Whom do you tell? Calm your mind, gather your support crew, and follow these early steps.
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Expect a roller coaster of emotions. McClain works with clients who have been diagnosed with HIV, lupus, diabetes, and other conditions, and he has seen the gamut of reactions: sadness, frustration, numbness, fear, anger, and, very often, “Why me?” Loved ones who feel helpless themselves may try to encourage your denial: “You’ll beat this! Cheer up!” But, says McClain, “it’s important to let yourself feel how you feel—including the not-socomfortable emotions, like anger. Trying to hold in those feelings just adds to your stress.” (A licensed therapist can help you get used to letting it all out.) “You are grieving the loss of your health as you knew it, and that takes time,” says Anne Coscarelli, Ph.D., the director of the Simms/Mann UCLA Center for Integrative Oncology. “Doing so helps you shift gears and better adjust to the challenges you’ll face.”
G E T T H E K E Y FAC T S You’ve probably heard that patients who are well-informed about their condition have better outcomes. But does that mean you have to bone up on cell biology and the latest clinical trials? The prospect can be overwhelming, even terrifying. Don’t push yourself. It’s fine to take in information in small increments during those first days and weeks, says Vicki Kennedy, a social worker and a vice president at the Cancer Support Community, in Washington, D.C. Some good first questions to ask your doctor: What do I need to know right now? How much time do I have to decide and act? What is the immediate next step here? Also keep in mind the following ways to get up to speed fast.
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Prepare strategically for your appointments. In those first fraught meetings, stress can make it impossible to comprehend what the doctor is telling you. “Anxiety and distress interfere with your concentration and memory,” says Coscarelli. “You might retain less than half of the information that’s conveyed to you.” Write out a list of your most important questions beforehand. Another good idea is to bring along a second set of ears—or even two sets, if you believe that your partner is as overwhelmed as you. Repeat back crucial points to make sure that you have it straight (the exact name and stage of your condition, the drugs or therapies suggested). Many doctors will allow you to record meetings on a smartphone. That way, you can listen afterward at home, as often as you need, until everything sinks in. Help the doctor get to know you. For many diseases, treatment is no longer one-sizefits-all. Write down in advance the points that you want to convey to your doctor about who you are, what your priorities are, and what’s important to you in treatment, says Kennedy. Maybe
