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Currently I
a,m a
social worker with the State of Alaska's Department of Fa,mily and Youth Services or "DFYS".
pass jud$ent on even hope to be, but I am now and it fits me. As such, I see the undercurrent of socieiy lhis is not to periphery. It is the any of my clients, as they are lnown in the business, but it is to say I am exposed to the strata of life that occurs on the whispers, cuiture that the general population only reads about occasionally on the insirle pages 0f the "Metro" section, talks about in suspect
I didn't plan to be or
or chooses to ignore all together for peace of mind. deal with child abuse and negect daily It is my job to keep children safe and, the closest opportunity I have to be superhero in this short life of mine.
I
if I can in the process, improve their lives in
some
way It is
are the same children I remember as a child myself being broulht in during an elementary class for an hour during put on a tantrum in class daily the Engish Iesson and were promptly whisked away to the bowels of the schoo. Ihey were the children that the children who were on the are they of classes. of 5 days for 5 out erplanation without for no good reason, or the child who was missing going 0n. periphery of my childhood memories. I now know what was
lhe children I work for
how to kin<l of job because I immerse myself with the intimacies of strangers' lives, with the unstated assunption that I hnow n0 had ago, months nine who, no children, year-old, man with sin$e a 25 run their lives and raise their children better than they do. Being other's directing in I an position myself when precarious hold to is a clear understanding about anything having to do with social work, this lives with some authority. At times it wears on me. At times it pushes me to improve myse)f, to live up to the ideal.
It is rlifferent
precludes me from doing I woull use examples to illuminate mypoint, but the bounds of confidentiality and respect for my clients
s0.
I have of youth and would hope my children , if I have any will of doing to themselves and their offsprin$ and seeing that is capable have. I am gad I was able to delay for so long seeing what evil mankind I can do some good, I hope you enjoy this snapshot of childhood. -Lee Post, aspiring hero, 0ct. '99
In short, the work I
do now makes me appreciate fond and loving the memories
roQ$oil o! I lEttlclE
TrlE CHAQ1EY HOD'E qre the The eomrnonesf loestions for q ehsrleg horse (strained musele) upper qrrn and upper leg. Thete qre s0 mqng museles thqt either
One problem doee oeeur in older bogc which mag tequire urgent action.
ori$nate, pass thtough or errd up qssoeiqted with the upper leg ot femotal qreq that it is not surprisingthat theg occqsionqllg get pulled shetehed,
Oeeasionallg qs the result of trqumq, buf mote often for discejnible reqson, an older child (lus pubertal or late prepubertsl will deveJop
slightlg lorn or fiaumqtized. This sets up pain, spqsmr tenderness,
severe pQin in one testicte
qnd the eharleg horse. Swe-lling is rareJg evidenf-Black qnd blue cpots qre m0le common' But almoet univereql to the diagnosis is the fâ&#x201A;Źct the ehild, given ptgpeJ
eneoutqgement, CAN BEAR
WEleHT. He cqn walk, alfhough
(tertis). 0n examinstion the testis
is terrder,
mag be swollen qnd slightlg diseolored. lt is poesible thaf the stalk ot eord of the testicle hqs become twistedr thus endangering the blood cupPlg to This constilufes a genuine emergeneg sinee q few houts
it
of deJag could damage fhe tesiicle begond teeall'
he
mag limp.
This is q matfer for gour phgsieian, who should be cqlled immediqtejg. Don't worrg about "etging wolf' on this one-
This is gout tip that fiactute, 0t morc serious inlurg is notlikdg, and mg fiequent pres$iptiOn3 of q tineture of time 8nd some iudieious ne$ect are qpprgpriste. OF egurse, the fime-honored toutine of heat,
From Childhood Iniurvby Jack G. Shiller, M.D. @1977
rest and sspirin will
ftcilitste eomfott qnd hssten tecoverg'
eflicienl or organized you
be, you'll have an alnost imposoible job keepirgyour home in order and tfie housework canght tp unlesayothave the cooperation and help ofyour No
maLLer how
mlghL
children. I don't believe arywoflIan can work hard and fasL enough Lo keep thin6s cleaned up and picked up afLer several careleso, thoughtless children.
On Lhe other hand, vhen children work with you rather than against you, the houoevork isn't much ola problem at al[. And as a result, there'o time lor lots of fanib' fln. In fact, the best familieo I know
Ttrough consistently perlormiqg darly tasks ouch ao nakng a bed and leaviqg a room in order, children develop habits which will serve tfiem vell for
life.
I'm sure thete's noL a wonan in
Lov.rn
rest ol tl'reir lives. ,Vtan "grzout yottz o{tm o? ct;tlqerv can ,%nVA gurrooraArul fur OArl Q. gnb
all work Logether and Lhen play and grov together.
who
doesn't know how Lo make a bed, do a balch of dlshes or keep a roofil ordedy. BuL nol all ol theoe women knov how Lo make themselveo do these things everyoingle day. That's the challenge. 6o during the years vhen your ctrildren are young and their habits are Eo easily forrned, help them Lo learn some consislency, routine, and self-discipline They'll benefil from the dividends for the
ef
nf
Az
@
/967
a
And besides your need your ctrildren's help, the ctrildren need trarrrrng which comes tlnoqgh having responsibility and learning to vork. Your horne io the trarning ground for your children's life. I believe that children who are required to do a lew basic chores every day Lo the beol of their ability learn how to be good,
-
e
\S
thoroqghvorkers, and tfiey learn how Lo apply tiemselves and use their time well.
ba ,tfl D o 2t
your Squere Llfe 1s en lndependent Publleetlon
of
Aquc
Fortls
0
Deslgn,
crerteal by l,ee Pogt.
Pleesa contect Lee rlth your sonments, questlons, enil to obteln eddltlonel coples et vours ouera
11
?r
--|,-e)
fe€ho tmrl I . com
ilesl8n your custom tetoos enil t-shlrts naklng you the envy of your frlendls. (But rerg they your frlenils to begln rlth?) cont&ct hln dl.rectly at leepost6gcl.net
Lee t1ll
ltl &rttoPk encl some of the tell thought out prose 1s property of Lee Post snit 1s not to be reprlnteal or us€il ln &ny vay rlthout the oxpress rritten permlsslon of Lee Postrnloor of the l{rn slnce l999nt'rt. Specl8l Thenks to John l[1tl ln Spokane f,^, contrlbutor antl the bsst teen menber i Suy coulil egk for.
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ft\t.-ln
{c,6oes of q.crq3e6 monL. -bV
JolnTgiff
I was taught from birth to hold our
beloved savior above all things. Following from that, you wonld suppose that I found it all too reasonable to take up the brown robes and sequester myself with my brothers. Our God is a being of Light. As John says, there is not darkness in Him,what-s0-ever. As such,I must confess that I took up the robes not wholly convinced of their righteousness.
Though, through time and His Glory, they rather became a second skin. Alter but a few short months,life outside of themwas ap00r memory. Time spent not inprayerto Him or selice to my brothers became wasted. And though I was dimly aware of a world outside of my monastery,I conld not easilyperceive it. When mine eyes did glimpse it, they quickly became so tilled with sin that not even a year's worth of worship would clear them. To my mind, the pinnacle of existence was but to worship Hin. All else was mockery of His $ft. AII else was waste.
This is perhaps, a simple way of saying that as too the real things of this world, I was supremely innocent. Monastic walls were the blinders that I used to allow myself to tread the path I wish. For certainly, 'twas easy to worship when comforted by the spirits of one's brethren. All our souls were bent to that one pupose. When our voices would combine, when our chants climbed the walls of the Choir, we needed no Cathedral or Temple. It was through our wills that we worshipped. With them we raised spires of more pure grandness than any erected by coin and sweat. I/lIe built ours with utter Love. Our songs were an army, a nation unto itself. Ttlith such feeling, how could one not rejoice? IVith one's brothers, how conld one not feel safe? And with these chants, how could one not feel the arms of one's savior around one? fhere was ajoyto it. There was also apain. I could feel a pit inside me. I tried to fill it be eating less and prayrng more. I assigned myself exbra lashings, merely to fill the pit. I visited the poor more often, stayed longer with the lepers, and once spent a week prostrate on the culpet's cold stone, to keep the yaw at bay. Even when on the verge of heaven's gate itself, the hole was growing.
that she was careful to smoke only during the day so as to allow the fetus to sleep at night. Another claimed the crack was good for her fetus because it had a tendency ulazy *to baby' finally wake up and sleep a lot." Smoking made her fetus should. Severa,l women criticized healthy kicking like a start them while eathat condemned the hypomisy of the street culture lerly nakin$ money off of them. None of them, however, criticized the society that refused to fund treatment centers and support services for them. As a matter of fact, we were unable to refer any of the desperate women we befriended to drug treatment centers, because only two of the twenty-for state funded pro$rams in New York at that tine (1990) accepted pre$nant mack users. crack.
I remember this particular conversation vividly, because at the time I had recently been told by a doctor that my own eleven-month-old son had cerebral palsy The first clinical studies on the effects of an in ncrack bautero exposure to mack werejust beginning to show that palsy-like neuromusof cerebral bies' sometimes display symptoms cular involvement. Consequently, it was especiaJly distress*willingly" imposing to me to things mothers mi$ht be ing cerebral palsy on their progeny, and I discussed it with everyone in the mackhouses I visited. Primo and most ofthe other dealers eventually stopped sellingto expectant mothers - at least in front of me. Ray, on the other hand, never agreed formallyto forbidhis employees from sellin$ to pregnant women, despite our countless vehement arguments. Sonehow, the profoundly conservative Catholicism that convinced him -r, that abortion is umurdern did not inhibit his profit motive at the expense of neonatal wel-
\ "1
It was not until I moved out of EI Barrio that it occurred to me that mothers on mack could be reinterpreted as women desperately seeking me anin$ in their lives and
refusing to samifice themselves to the impossible task of raisin$ healffi children in the inner city. Pregnant mack addicts can be de-essentialized from the monstrous inage of the cruel, unfeel-
-'r
*I don't care FeliPe! I'm just gettin' some a' mines. I don't think about none a'that shit you talkin'about. Besides, if they don't buy it from me, they iust go around the corner, and get it from someone Ray:
else."
imilarly, Candy proved just
as internally inconstant in her righteousness when I condemned her for selling to pregnant women during the months she work for
-ry>
ulVhen you
e
?h
Ray at his Social CIub
ing mother, and be reconstructed as self-destructive rebels. In ethnographic work among starving mothers in a Brazilian shantytown, the medical anthropolo$ist Nancy ScheperHughes critiques the industrialized world's bourgeo is ideaJization of maternal bondinE. She
shows how mothers struggling to survive in abject poverty,where almost haif of all children *let die before the age ofthree, learn to $0" of inin early their weakest, most sickly babies fancy They withhold affection and sometimes even facilitate their infants'deaths from dehydration. Tfhen mother fight these inevitable deaths and invest too much personal an$uish in each vulnerable infant, they risk destroying their own spirit. If mothers were to dwell on
fare:
S
One woman assured us
the cumulative tragedies of their sickly children, they would become consumed by Srief and anxiety. They would cease to
:s /
-
become "/' be- @-,
be able to function as a co-
herent parent and as feeL ing human beings. .
.
.-
pregnant, the body doesn't
longto you. It belon$s tothe babY.' So, if the mother don't $ive a shit, if they don't care, why should I?" I asked an African-American sociologist colleague, Elloise Dunlap, to help me discuss these issues directly with pregna,nt addicts. She had access to a broader range of mack-using women on the street because
of her gender and ethnicity. Our conversations with expectant mothers ofthe street revealed that the expectant mack addicts were profoundly ambivalent toward the future babies and about their roles as *taking care of themselves" mothers. Some were convinced they were and their fetuses by simuitaneously eat snacks when they smoked
:'
-.,--
. . .Perhaps the addicted mothers I met in
mackhouses were simply those who ha,d given uP fighting the odds that history has structured against them. Abandoning their children, or poisonin$ their fetuses in a frantic search for personal ecstasy, accelerates the destruction of already doomed progeny. By destroyin$ the so-called mother-nurture instinct, and by disabling their children durin$ their tenderest ages, vulnerable mothers escape the lon$-term agony 0f having to watch
their children grow up
into healthy, ener$etic adolescents, only to become victims and protagonist ofviolence and substance abuse.
&ogs tts. &ir[s &oys t 8. &0e[p fror" Uhat to do Uhen - a.d Uhy by Marjabelle Yo".1-Iteaart a"d A'.'. B"chwatd @1115
Boyf need lo be treate.l very deLicateLy. 11'1 ^ot their €a"Lt that their eraotionil cleveLoprne"t tr rLo-er tha" Ihal o€ 3irLr, for"etinet thev tetl o,f t-o or three Yearf behi^,I yirLr.
S"t
it afL eve"t o,i i^ fhe 1o".3 rvn becevle r?nY
lo look younler tha" B/oraeh their a.je - af i( n2l"re r"btractr kor" the be.ji^"i".1 a"d addf to the e^d i" orcier io Sive rne'. fvrfLvl ftre"lth €or rorQ refpoafibiL'tty. Onc€ ? .3irf k"owI thir Fact, lhe ca" be3i" to "n)erttaad lorqe PvzzLert. [xarnple: the boy aho'tf lhe boy al.L the "1irLf have A crvlh on. Doel that boy k"o- it? 0( co"rfe he <Ioef. ofoler rne^ teer
fhe,^ why .loet,^'i he choofe Liker hir role ahd f,rg ftnowl thetre't
j,ff
one TirL? $eca"re he
rakly in aurqberf "^iil
he
with o"e-.3irL reLatio"fhip. Why doef he prete",I - eV€n decLare - that he haler aLL lirLr? Becaute it -torkti lhat'r what 1oi hir -here he ir to,)ay - at fhe tol o€ the Lirt. Whv "Ioet he teare a^ol provoke lirLr, the^ rua the other -ay i€ a"y o€ ther" Setf too cLofe? Ieafin"jr provokinJr 2nof r,nnin! take the PLace o( worolf ,",fil the "Me Tarzan, yo, Ja,ne" i" hirn (i^rlf a better w?y to corara,nicaie. (ri,.ce the boy -iLL fiay o"l o( reach ftr a -hiLe, Let'r fook at boyl el 2 yovp lo lee -thaI lhey are rvn'.inl Fron. cin
cop€
Eogs 6on'l [ifie 6irlr -ho are bolfy. 6irLr -ho are ioo c[i^3i"1. GirLr -ho etallerale.
6irLr -ho yrrip a"4 faftle; qho are ioo .of/. Girl.r -ho beal Iher- reyhrLy al leFet ffhb hrorne^'t Lib ieachi^"1, but
ir
probabLy
alai^rt
it't trud.
.ot w?.ted. 6irl.r -ho lvl sa l'trf, aci Like a Pri^cetl, think lhey're to rav'tth'!^1
6irlr -ho ha^1 aro,.d -hen they're
told they're
€VerYohg or"1ht fo fwoon ovqr fher". GirLr -ho ars too der^a^di"1
dhe^;t
conel r)1hf do-^ to
doLLart
('trtt-run
an| ce^lt - choolinl fhe Forf exPe^tive ba"a"a rplif betf place to reet or eel' 6irl.f -ho.lo"'1 ;.sap Proritel\ who z1ree to reet a boy fhe^ do^'t r^ovie,
lhow "1,
6irLt -ho n?ra9-1 pLace-, a"4 price-rlrop.
9tr[s 6on'l lifie
at[
Bo/! who are h lLolpY a^,) dirlY (hair, ('vlernaiLf, ket, fqealer) thal they act"aLLY have "npLeafa.i odort. Soy! who r.ake f,^ o( lhen - thetr bracet, their hair,lo, their brothert a"4 itrterr, SoY! who bra.1 ioo r.,ch. BoY! who rho- o( -ifh rno"eY. Soyf who rnake a bi.l ,)eaL abo,f
-haf f hey o-^ or ah2t their pare"tr
owh.
Boyf who p"l TirLr
do-. -. lheir (at
Le1r,
their heilht.
@iElr[REa\!l)\Y"".
DruSG@ A-UT-UTru-UTUDE flEV flKNlmr\v ,Fl,R@lt\',il
LHlr\Nns@N{
DruS@@ ilFEVEItR @ flJDTE
G,E:fflrruNG T|jHIIE SilPll]Rlllllr nol a dance. lf's an aflilude. And if gou can calch lhe aftilude and keep fime lo music, gou don'f have fo eil on lhe sidelines because gou can'l do fhe Husfle. Wlh the righl disco affilude, gou cah make il (or fake if) on ang disco floor in lhe counfrg.
ll's nol
a
dep. lf's
willgive gou lhal disco look are nol dances or dance sfep, Per ae, bul movemenls and poeifions lhal expreee an aflifude. lf's lhe wag gou s+and. lhe expreesion on gour face. fhe wag gou hold gour bodg, gour arms, lhal creale lhe disco look. ll's eaeg lo learn, fun lo do. and once gou have the hang of if. gou can sland oul lhere on lhe floor and never move gour feef - and slill look as lhough gou know whal gou're doing. Following a few hinfu for beginners compiled from lhe experience of a couple amaleuns who tried lhem ouf and found thal theg worked. (Remember, once gou're comforfable, gou cah break all lhe rules. The elemenfu that
Ghildrcn's Book Titles That Didn't Make
It
from a clandestine ofilce e-mail
I.
You are Different and Tirat's Bad
I
Ihe Boywho Died From EatingAI HisVegetables
z U.
Dad's NewWife Robert Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
4. 5. 6. 7.
8.
Before gou cah look like anglhing more lhan a lree stump on lhe disco floor. gou musf relax. Roll gour head around from shoulder fo chesf lo shoulder lo back eeveral fimes. When gour neck bones slop cracking, sfop.
Ham-mers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book the Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking KathyWas So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her curious George and the High-voltage Fence
All Cats Go to HelI 10. Itre Little Sissy Who Snitched Some Kittens Can Fly 12. That's It,I'm futtingYou Up forAdoption
Open and cloee gour moufh. dropPing gour chin. in an imilafion of a goldfish. ll will relax gour neck and face. Brealhe deeplg lhrough gour nose, fhen exhale ae far and ae long ae gou cah. Feel gour slomach muscles fighfen. Relax. Then repeal several
fimes.
S@' @frKAY' GrE:lf SElf
..
"
Sland up slraighf bul don'f sliffen gour sPine. You're nol al Wesf Poinf. Keep gour chin up, unless gou're bending gour head fo achieve a special aflitude. Don'f wonrg aboul gour feef.
Gel gour shoulderc back and chest ouf, again, remember gou ane on a dance floor. nol a parade ground. Unlock gour knees and flex lhem a lil-tle {hough gou were geffing readg lo take golf swing. Pracfice in front of a mirror so lhal gou can check gour silhouelle and facial expression. ln lhe disco look, whal gou are doing wifh gour egee and moulh and egebrowe is as imporfanf as whal gou're doing with lhe resl of gour bodg. Keep gour arms and hands above waisl
level. ll gives gou more of an "uP" feeling - ifu cooler under lhe arms. Gi@!!
Now. pul on a disco record and get goul''self in lhe mood. Come down on gour enfire food. noljust gour gou're slomping graPee - or bugs.
foes. Prelend
9.
il.
15. Grandpa Gets a Casket r4. The Ma$c World Inside the Abandoned Refri$erator 15. Garfield Gets tr'eline Leukemia I6. The Pop-Up Bookof HumanAnatomY 17. Strangers Have the Best CandY I8. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
I9.
You Were an
Accident
80. Ihings Rich Kids Have, and You Never Will 21. Pop! Goes the Ilamster . . . And 0ther Great Mimowave Ga'nes
in the Moon is Actually Satan are Real Your Ni$htmares e5. You Like to Be Buried? Where Would 24. and Your School Paper, 25. E$$s, lbilet and Ms. Electrical0utlet Be Friends? Fork Mr. 26. Why Can't and Daddy Hide Neat Things Mommy Places Where 27.
Don'f feel gou have lo jump up and down. The anklee bend. lhe kneee bend lhe hips, ehouldens, and head swivel ae much or as liffle as gou tike. Bul gou could "dance" all nigh and scarcelg lifl gour feel off lhe {loor. Raise gour arme and hande unfil gou look like a doc{or who'e
jusf been "gloved" for eugerg, moving wifh hands in fhe air loward lhe operafing room. Turn gour head from side lo side as gou move, looking down as fhough gou see eomelhing crawling on lhe floor and shrueging gour shoulderrs as lhough gou couldn'f care less.
eP. The Man
28. Daddy Drinks Because You CrY
Now look in lhe mirror. Thaf's fhe disco look.
Relax. Nobodg'e looking a{ gou. Once gou've got the look and fhe beaf, lel lhe music lell gou whaf lo do.
Ivlv eRApE -$enoor AReft-NEIytE$r$ By tee Post I am often asked, "So Lee, being the quasi-superheroic inrlividual you are, the embodiment of all of our collective idealizations and hopes for the future, who is your foil? Who prevents the joy and love you bring to the world from reaching more people? I am sure there has been an anti-Lee out in the worldl' These people could not be more cortect. Ib discuss this topic further, we must let the sands of time roll back to kindergarten, my formative years. His name is unimportant but he was the bane of my youthfirl existence. As a five-year old child, he opposed all I stood for. However,I will admit at five there really wasn't much I stood for, but staywith me on this one. He vexed me at every turn, shadowing me all the way through my elementary school career. Through changes in teachers and schools, he was always there sitting in my classroom, mocking me with his oafish presence and toothy gin. I don't know how he stayed with me. I will assume it was the result an impressive underiaking of evil, cunning, and deceit, probably leaving many innocents tlead during his efforts to stalk me during my early development. I prefer this explanation to merely explaining it away as chance. He was possessed by boundless evil I say! He was much as I was in those early days. Somewhat overweight, stylishlyinpaired bythe'80s, no car, our long-term relationships stalled out. Much the same, except for the ice-col<l bloorl that ran through his veins, corrupting all he touched. His mother was a large, brutish woman who desired that her son be placed on the fast trackto childhood genius. She received a boy corrupted by useless information and a misSuided sense of self-importance. His valentine's ca,rds for the teacher would be in Spanish. He would pop out of his chair when the teacher displayed a moment of weatrness to erpound to the class about some vital information about fractions we were missing. 0f course we booed his pompous ass from the chalkboartl. Whereas I used my intelligence to erpand myself and share knowledge with my fellow children thus enlivening their small lives;he used his encyclopedic knowledge $eaned from his subsciption to Zoo Books to lord orrer his classmates. His displays of worthless
'{
'tlull
hz t
1,
--'
fun facts only fueled the fire in our bosoms to knockhimfrom the pathetic ivory tower he were he was squatting. We would ask him
questions like,"Are you a Homo?" He would of course bellowback "No, of course not". But usin$
tl
)
2t
our knowledge appropriated from the class copies of well thumbed National Geo$aBhic, we questioned, "If you'rc nol a Homo . . . Sapien, you must be sone type of Neanderthal. EaHal' Score
one for the children's pro-
letariat.
My elementary sohool career was marred by the anger I felt when he would do something to try to upset the balance of power in our little world, like brin$ng his own set of chalk to school so he wouldn't have appropriate the
teacher's when he tried to hijack one of her lectures. After sixth trade and manyyears of protecting our intellectual freedom and liberty I lost
track of that poor
sap.
TIe last I heard, he was taking a college level chemistry course at Mat-Su Community College as a freshman in hilh school and blew up the chemistry lab in a nisguided attempt to show off his supposed superior knowledge of chemistry Poeiicjustice is all I have to say I'm sure I will encounter his scared visage some day, stalking me in an exoskeleton battle suit like Dr. Doom, or perhaps as a bald industrialist plotting {ainst me like Lex Luthor. Many evil arch nemesises have been involved in lab
explosions. Read the books. I'm sure that is not the last I will hear from him.
\glR Remove all toilet paper from the bathrooms of your place
of
employment; start bringing your own toilet paper to work, and mutter to yourself about "those damn hooligans.' Call the consumer product information on the side of your favorite brand of peanut butter. Ask if it qualifies as a water-based lubricant, because if it isn't you may be in some serious trouble. Pee in the woods if at all possible. Tell your friends you aren't bulng into the indoor plumbing fad. Go house hunting. Ask the real estate agent if anyone died in this house. If not, ask them if they have any houses where people have died because that is a preference of yours. Offer to go through the obituaries with them. Ask the movie theater usher if you have to pay for two tickets, one for yourself and one for your vestigial twin. Ofler to show the usher the twin. Cut the armpits out of all your garments. Acknowledge this to no one and deny it to everyone. Tell your friends you have taught yourself to read backwards, because, hey, no one knows what is going to happen when Y2K hits. Tell them to not come crying to you when they have to buy all new book. Avoid cigarette tax by smoking dried leaves wrapped around a twig. Tell everyone who will listen it smokes smoother than they would expect. Defecate in your trashcan at work Tell everyone this saves time and time is money, especially on the company clock Tell them not to be jealous when you get that promotion.