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Dear DlarY BLEMILI
alone on ycur blrthdaY
fl190:
YNilR LEGNCi/ A PA|NTUL Ctl|LDFl0on MtM{lRY
MALI tNADEqilACT rilDuoHr9 {lN }qontnn
Inaru
r7) .{/
R SI{DRT STDRI/
aIL
What are people going to remember you for? What is going to make them bother to think back 20 years from now and remember you?
Is it your TV watchi4skillq your eacydopedic-knowledge of this fall's Gap offerings? Hell no. No one reminisces about someone's enormous bankroll or palatial home unless they did something to themselves apart, to bring notice,to change, or to reinforce an ideal.
tured in ourA.laskan newspaper recentlywho has spent the majority of his time developing the uber-Pokemon site. The end-all, be-all site to J,rack the yalues of your cards and episode guides of the influentia,l cartoon and marketing bonanza. If he were to be plucked from this mortal coil today, would we praise God that he was able to leave behind his life's work, so we can all price our cards accu-
ratelyand wjth confidence fromaow to ekrnity? The mass of culture has forgotten its "legacy". The only time the word gets tossed around anJ[nore is to denote some pox left on the earth by our own evil ways. The legacy of the automotive revolu-
tionjs the smogtrazesurrounding ourmeiropol$an expanses. Ttre legacy of commercialism is the mob of dullards mowding the malls. No one is concerned with leaving the world a better place anJrmore or leaving something for someone else. Where are the people leaving the monuments or the ljhranies to i-nspire our youth? Not cor-
Hell, at least he did somethin$. (I won't go into his aspirations to sell his life's work to a major portal site for a quick bit of cash.) Ttriak of the relatives tJrat are left saying of their loved onâ‚Źs, "if only he chemotherapy would have taken, he would have been able to have finished putting in that hot tub and shaved some points off his golf game. Then everybhing would have been alrightl'
porations mind you, throwing their cash around at the Proles so we can turn around and buy what their selling, but and actual, individualtruman Xeings who expend their fortunes or time to en-
When you pile
nich the community.
will have no fear.
Better yet, where are the people who try to enrich our lives in the here and now. They are not sitting on their butt in front of a video game, watching "Best of BannedVideo II" while eating their favorite sandwich cookie. Run around, be productive . . . anybhing will do. Literally run around in circles for hours on end, I don't care. As long as you have a purpose and a message i'll bite. I just can't stand watching people sitting around at home, in bars, at the office, wasting time. Its not as if that is that is everyone's burden to carry in life, to sit desperatelywatching the hours of their life peel back with out a single purpose, while the minority of the popula-
Live,learn, and leave something for the next
it up on the scaJes at Judgement Day, what will you find? I'll tell you what brother, if I'm marching toward the End with a copy of uyour Sqrare Life" clu.tched in mysweaty Bdm, I
Lee Post -Uving monument
your Squnre Llfe
en lnilepenilent publlcctlon of lque Fortls Daslgn, creeteil by Lee Post.
tion is blessed with meaning and goals.
Ihear a man inthe back ofthe room. What,speakup ... eh,yes .. .yes . . . No . . .I'm sorry finishing "Final FantasyVIII" does not count as your legacy to the human raee. No . . . I don't care if you did it in 56 hours and got all the endings. Please sit down. Thank you. Ifthere are not further interruptions,I'll continue. I know I have written on the topic of heroism before. Presently I am not asking for a sacrifice. I want no martyrs to the cause today. I guess my real fear is the Iack of honest expression in society. No one has any great moral truths or valuable insi$hts to enlighten me with. The Internet has created a false sense of expression. People can now expound on volumes of trite knowled$e to fit the whims of the cultural mainstream. There was a boy fea-
Suy.
Pleese contect Lee rlth your connents, questlons, enil to obteln actctltlonal coples et .yours querell fe0hotmel I . com
r11I deslgn your custon tetoos encl t-shlrts nsklng you the envy of aII your frlencls. (But rere they your frlenils to begln rlth?) contect h1n dlrectly at leepost96c1.net
Lee
IlI ertrork encl some of the rell thought out prose 1s property of Lee Post enil 1s not to be reprlntect or useil 1n eny tey tlthout the express nltten perulsslon of Lee Post 'llll r.lght enrl out of slght slncs l975ur^. John trIll] -contrlbutor anil goof-belI actd.lct
8: Faith in a hoty uause is
a
considerable exlenl a substifuie for lhe tost fdith in ourselues.
l0: A man is tikety lo mind his oun business
urhen it is
uorth minding. lllhen it is not,
he lakes
his mind off his oun meaningtess offoirs by minding olher people's business. ln running auag from ourselues
ue eiiher falt on our neighbor's shoutder or flg at his lhroat.
ll:
Ihe buming conuiclion lhal ue haue a hotg duty lor-uard oihers is oflen a uay of aitauhing drouning setues lo a passingrafl. tUhat tnoks tike giuing a hond is often hotding on for dear tife. Taking auay our holy dufies and you teaue our liues pung ond meaningless. Ihere is no doubl
lhai in exchanging a setf-cenfered for a selfless life ure gain enormousty in setf-esieem. Ihe uanily of the setftess, euen those urho pracliue utmost humitity, is boundless. 23: 0ur frushalion is greater urhen ue haue much and uanl more lhan uhen ue haue nolhing and
uani some. [Je
are less dissafisfied uhen
ue lack many lhings lhan uhen ue seem lo
tack one ihing.
29: Uhere freedom is reat, equatity is the passion of ihe masses. Uhere equati\ is reol,, sma[ minoritg. Equoti\ urilhoul freedom creates a more slable sociat pattem than freedom uilhoui equoti\.
freedom is lhe passion of a
('-)
4l: lllhen peopte are bored, ii is primarity urith lheir oun setues that they ore bored. Ihe consuiousness of a banen, meaningless exislence is lhe main founlainhead of boredom. Deople ulho are not conscious of lheir indiuidual separaieness, as is lhe case ulith ihose ulho are members of a uompacl lribe, uhurch, parfg, eicetera, are noi auuessibte lo boredom. tllhere peopte tiue autonomous liues and are not badty 0ff, yet are
urâ‚Źatiue
uilhout abitilies or opporlunilies for
uork or useful aulinn, ihere is no leting to urhai desperaie and fanlasliu shifts theg
mighl resorl in order to giue meaning ond purpose lo iheir liues.
70:
To
urong ihose ue hate is to add fuet lo our halred. Sonuersely, t0 treat an enemy uriih
mognanimi\ is to blunt our halred for him. 7l: Ihe most eflecliue uay lo silenue our guil$ conscience is io conuinue oursetues and others thal those ue haue sinned agoinst are indeed depraued creafures, deseruing euery punish-
pi\ those ule houe uronged, nor Dan ure be indifferenl louard them. lUe musl hate and penecule them or leaue lhe door open lo self-contempt. menl, euen exlerminotion. [Je uannot
72: A subtime retigion ineuiiabtg generates a slrong feeting of guiU. Ihere is an unauoidable cnnhasl behleen lofliness of profession ond imperfeulion of praclice. Rnd, as one uould expect, the feeLing of gurlt promoles haie and brazenness. thus it seems thot the more sublime ihe foith ihe more uirulent the hatred it breeds.
8l: lmitation is oflen
a
shorlcut to a solulion. llJe uopy uhen ure lack lhe inclinalion, the abitity,
or lhe fime lo urork out on independent solulion. People in
a
hurry
uitt imitate
more readity lhan
peopte al teisure. llustLing lhus lends to produce uniformity. And ihe de[berale fusing of indi-
uiduatsinto a
inuessanl aclion
uitt
ptaq a considerabte rote.
"l'm in thAfap1."
Not iha uords that t roalll uantod to hsar. Not to sal that t could
not deal uith thsm. Fut it meant ihal ftsrs uas some pain in hsr life, and that pain lorad hsr lo sseK ohclior in the caring mind of anolhor. futd it uas not lhat I lhat sha uas less uonderful than shs uas. t just did not lirs lhe idea of there being pain in her life. Hou us got settled on ihis topie vras a $rango question. $lo had bean lalKing aboui WWll aircraft, and hou she used lo gel butzsd bl lhem uhcn thcl flou lou ovar herjogging lracK. lhadbeen letling her a silll littlo storl of m1 oun orlVeriona- uith a F-r't uhsn she had said lhat ihing to me. Sitting on iho grass uith her legs pulled up naar hor. Our entiro convorsalion had passed uilh her slaring at lhe ground betuaon her legs. Mostll she sVoye lo thal pateh of grass uhilo I coneentralcd on ths trss behind and lo ths lsfl of hor.
9ut uhon
shs iold mo thal she uas in therapl, she brought hor eles up straight lo mins. 5ho uas novr uailing for m1 ce6pon6e, and obvioustl judging m1 reaciions. 'ls it helpin gT' I a*ed. li uas thc bsst thing t could sa1. $lell, that uas a lio. Thers uars iusl a ton of things thal i aould sa1. A lon of lhings that sho uaniod to hsar. ln roalitl, hor statement uao more of a quosiion. Shs uanted lo Knou uhat t lhoughi of ii and her. 5o, inslead of ansuoring lhal question, I asKsd ml oun. I rsfusod an ansuer, uhiah, t supposa is iho same as
saling I diaapproved. Her eles dreu off of minc, and languished ono again upon thc grass. Thc luo of us had aluals been frisnds. Nol aluals actualll, but us had aluals bssn friondll. Due to circumslanoo6, \to verofrcc lo talK lo each olhor and spend limc in oach olher't mulual companl. Not liro most poople
ihough. Usualll, uhen a man and a uoman mool in
c,asual conversalion, lhere i6 an implied of Not posaibili\ that ihis uas on mt{ mind, or hers. lljusl ssomed lo mo lhat gonaralll, romana. it uaa an issuo. Thero $a5 ver.f little opporiunitl lo be candid, sinco lhal earried uith il a hini of Aoseness, and doseness malbe meanl involvemonl. And lo be honost, il uas no different for tho lvro of us. $lo talred aboul uorK, and 5oros, and mutual acquainlanat Ful nothing ovor of substanes. ln faal, lvas amaLed that lhs luo of us had managed to spend a fou houra on that da1 to discuss somclhing of our pasls. P.s to the present, hsr stalsmont uas a risK. lt uas a bridge lhal shs had tried to build oui to me. Using her feelings, and emotiona, she had lsi doun lhe draubridge of hpr lifo just enough for ms lo see in lo hsr uorld. Sho had mado heraslf vulncrabls for ms. And t had reVaid her risK, uith a non aniuer. A niee safe onaervalivs ansuer. t had said nothing to har. ln doing thal, t had iold hsr that hcr risK uas a mistaKe.
6vcn though ii uas nol a mislaKo. lt
lhc right lhing lo do- To trusl anothor porson vrilh louremolions. lKnauvrhlsheuasiniherapl. Herformerbofriend, amasler of elinicalpslcholog, had told hor lhal ahe nesded it. She apparentll had problems living hor lifo. Shc uas sad, and mal aduslod. 5he had no friends. She did nol gol oui much. 5ho uas useless. Not that hs had said tha last bit. 9ut ii vras uhal sho foli. Whcn her eles had mel mine, il uas ths looK in lhom. A deflaled looK. A ussd looK. LtYe she uasjuat a eurled up iube of loothpaste. Thew uas also lhe hopolesaness. The feeling lhal aomsa from bolieving in nolhing and nol certainll lourself. 5o, for this sad, tirod person ,lo ceach out to a slranger, ii uas hard. And, thus ii uas tho right thing to do- She uas a yfivale pgrson, evsn lo hsr lovsd ono- For her to sa1 anllhing uas a vraa
step.
No, sho did not rnaKs ihe mistaKe. I did. t battod hor attompt at human conneelion and narmth aua1. For mo io sa1 an$hing vras lo maKa lho c.onlacl lhal sho vras asKing. I had lo lovrcr mI oun draubridge. t had to tsll hsr something of vrhat I uas feeling. Thai uas a5 mueh a risK for me as il uas for hsr. 50, u\ did I nol maKs lhe risK lhat sho vras vrilling io maKc? $las il because she obvious\ neodad to maKo a human connaction mor? lhan t did? No, lhat vras not lrue.
I needed
a human bang, a close friend, vhalever. in m1 life ae well. I neededto be loved just as much aa she ne*Aodio be loved. t did not laKe lho rieKbocause I uas afraid that I lovad har. And ahe uas just supposed lo bo a friend. The sr and malbe current girlfriond of m1 best friond. She uas off limits. And for mo io form this bond uith her uould ba to violate tha codelhal t livad b1. Never harm lour friands. And this felt lme chealing on him. 5q optad
for ihe safe rouls. Her eles u?rg on the ground vrhen I said uhal I said. M1 hoart eanK lhroo lwl bslov lho oarlh aa I spoYe, a5 if ii voro athamed of auch a bod1. Horo vras a human in pain, andhere
t vras, hiding from an1 form of rosponsibilitl that t had. Sho uas a friend too? Wasn't she? 5he AeservsAlhs same lrealmsnl of all m1 othar friands? 6he vas a uoalure in ouffaring? All these things aaid that i should holp hor. Thai part of me that lovsd her uas sueaming maA al mo. tt demandod thai I maKe uae of their feolings and help her through this. 5a1 somothing more useful than uhat t had. t tifred my eye6 from ihe lreebehind and to the right of hsr, and broughi them to boar on her face. t had to laKo a ri6K. lt uas the onl.1 ua1 to repal the honor of her risK. "t'm aor11."
Her elas 6till drifted dounuards.
"\tlall, tts somathing thai t jusi have lo do. the therapl. holla gel beller, rightz' "Nq I am eorrl I aaid uhai t did." Her brous pinched logelher. "l'm sorrl that t didnl sa1 something moro uaoful. You don't needlherapl." fhat brought her o4esbacYup. "You're fine lhe vray 1ou are. You aro uonderful the vral lou aro." I love 1ou. I deciAod not lo tell hor everlihing. "Ihere i6 nothing urong uith 1ou. I don'f care vthal anyone sa1s. I Knou 1ou. You are m.{ friond. I Knovr, as vrell as I Knou an$hing etoe. lhal there is nothing urong uith 1ou." A alovr smile apread auo66 her face- 5he had Kind of a longith face- Lovered in stranda b1 sandl hair. Mosl of tha iime lhe hair, vrhile it hung in a neal ua1, had a hini of disorder to il. Har eles had a lou shimmer of a smile to thom, and for ihe moat of ihe conversalion, thel uere masKed somehou. LlYo a eloudl aK1. Nou, though, ono could aoo a glimpse of a aun. Tho smile uas lighi. lnvolving tha lips. li sirotchod from chooK lo choeK. "F+at\? ts that hovr 1ou feel?" With that aaid, lhe aun burst through har lips. The elouds in hsr ole$ voro chaaed aUa.{.
"Yes." h conversalion lilo this. The amazing lhing.
ll staria off vrith tvro peoplq liKe on the oppoaita aids of a chasm. Thol can onll sea lhe of each other. I felt tira I could onll see her standing on the other eidq uilh her arms urapped around her vraiot. Her thoughts,herhead, uas hidden on lho othsr side ofthe vast erpanse ol sociolal indifferenco. Mine too. Shs uas lhe hini of a peraon, a lhoughl, a vague oulline
single being, a TV commercial. She uas barell tha suggostion of somsthing. 6von though ahe could be sitling nort to me. 5o littts did t realll Knovr har. Novr, she uao my bost friend. ln that momenl, ahe uas not ao distanl. I had Knovrn har all of m1 life. 5ho uas lhe peroon nert to me. She uas the person smiling nort lo me. "Yei' I royoalod. "lhal is hou t fsel." FUL t lovpd her loo. And for all ihs yogros,i thal ua had made, lhoro voro slill some things that I could nol tell her.
$q t did m1 bosi to smila bacr.
And left
it at that.
"5o brcaK my hcart. For I must hold my longuc."
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I was a young 1O1ear-old, overweight, introspeclive boy growing up in t he Valley. As this awkward child, I dodged chances to expose myself to ridicule whenever possible. This is why I avoided the invlt at ion to qo bike riding with the nelghbors alonq some coun- | I +ar raa)a ana a"nna)a., try roads one summer day. A 4uick note aboutValley hte in the \Os: my neighborhoodl and the surrounding area wae bereft of paved Ur,rJ giving mrc | "oudsl httle opporbunity to ride bikes. Though I knew how t o ride abike, like much else in my young life at the time, I was unsure in it. and lacked the grace of more pracbiced cyclists who had accees to pavement. To be frank, I dreaded going out with the neighbors and my athletic I younger brother,thus exposing my lack of ability beforethefriends, I family, and the general public. but as I was a child,l was quickly diapatched out, the door with a pat on the behind by my mother with aesuranceet hat "it wouldbe fun and its such a nice day." These were hollow sentiment s, as |knew that my embarrassment would be com1
ingtorlhwtth. At t h e t ime,
thlngthat
IAALE POSTURING By lree Post
and ev en now, I do not ow n a bike. lt w as somenever graced nry Christmas list. I hadto borrow mothef s,
which was stored beneat h the house. After our garden hose blast ed oft a layer of dust , my ?arent e t oeeed vhe blke in the neighbor's car and we were off . I remember getting out, of the car, my Alaska white skin illumin at in gthe way to my mot her's b attered and ill-kept 5chwin bicycle. While tt was not overtly effemlnat e, I knew it wag a girl's bike
that only added to my private shame. My nelghbors and my brotherfluidly mountedbheirbikes and rode off. lclumsily threw my leg overtheframe, attemptingto adjust the seat that.thrustup in
and
I rememberedthis story (see storyto the right) recentlywhen
talking to a friend about the ineffectual posturing of my felIow males. I, though never being the avid sportsman myself, have had some experience in the field of individual and team sporbs.
For the females in my reading audience,let me clue you in. No matter what sport, no matter how much experience a woman has in that particular activity or little the man may have had, we could have beaten you had not our equipment failed us in our moment of need. It matters not that you are an 0lympian and I just $ot off the couch after a month long drinking marathon.
I
am Man, you are Woman and you wonld have been picking up the rear if not for these damn shoes. (I swear there was a rock in there. You should have seen me last week.)
It is not within our constitution to admit defeat from lack of our personal ability. Everyone knows about the renowned male stamina and strength. Given our near superhuman abilities, we often overpower our own frail equipment,leading to our defeat. This is why my male brethren must purchase ever sfmnger and lighter bikes, more agile skis, and technolo$cally enhanced shoes. Any less and it wonld crumble apart from our awesome power. I surmise there may be a female plot that affects the engineering process, introducing female catalyzed flaws,leadin$ to our defeat before an obviously inferior opponent. Remember this.
i l,
t^t- ^+'t-^^"t.J^all the wrong places, and then labored atthe pedale, OettinO otf to a creaky start. goonlwasridingwiththepack and tt was notso bad. There weren't many people onthatisolatnd country road. lknewthe route and it wouldn't be long untll we were back at, the car. lt was a nice
l I l.
day. This moment. ol calm last ed roughly five minutes unt il I realized I wasn't,keeping up with the pack. I was losing about a foot every couple minutes, sllding turther and turbher away. The widening gap beLween ug announced my athleiicinadequacy. I pedaledharder,but Itwae no use. As an oveweightlO lear-old, I dldn t havethe etamina orthe strengthto re-enterthe pack, much lese hold nry posttion. I contlnuedto loose ground. 5oon I was aboutflfty feef,behind,laboringfor every breath,t rying desperately at the very leastto keep my co mpanio ns o n the h o rho n. To ad d t o my eh ame, on e of th e n etgh b orst o okto circling b ackto check and see rf I w as all rqht,then would effoftlessly cycle backw the pack. I feared I wouldn't even have the energy to get,backto the car. 5oon however, I made it back at the car, but, my neiqhbors and brother already hadtheir bikes stowed away and were enjoying a Capri-5un. They asked me if I was all rlght . I don't remember the response I pathelically wheezed out, but itwas prob ably something i
1
tothe etfect.that,lwasfine, justiired, givingthem somelame ex- | planation about my poor pertormance. Ag I sprawled out on the grass, sucking down my drink, my neighbor shoubed outto methat hefound outwhat the problemwas, ashepointed atmy dilapidated bike. I cur'wusly wentover and boked aX what he had touad. TheIarce were abno st co mplet ely flat . tlot, lust less th ut rdeal ttre p reeeure or even soft, t'o the touch; the rims were riding on the ground, the ancient tire rubber tlaking onto the ?avement. Everyone crowded around the poor bike and eoon were patting me on the back. Graciously, my neighbor saidthathe didn'tthinkhewouldhave made tt, the couple mileswe did onflat't\res. My flagging aonfidencewas re-
stored. However,l didn'tride abike againtor severalyeare
i1---nowavoidthemwhenlaan.
and even ;