Your Square Life #7

AOUA fORTI' DI'IGN

#t tt'

rREE OLAIII llAL{]$ 5tILlf{ [ flll|AL[ I TA$ lllPPt

I{ I]

{

IA YIII

rut$ilillA1[t

rl\ltlrt Rl)[il{tLL FAl'l LEIIIftS

tharx

Irtilt0liltlt

Lee,

for the <listribution of Your Square Life.

It's been a kickpassing them around

on the

glacier when we're stuckin a storm. I've made gooduse of issues 8,5,and 5 (that's alll have). I

retyped your dai$ affirmations and dildren's book

titles and I posted them in the commode. That's where we put all $eat things.

Jo Shmo

Anchorage,AK I've read three zines so far and it's pretty dann cool. Send me free stuff. .Iacqueline Genetti

Portland,0r

At the risk of gushing, I feel compelled io brief note about'your square life'. I follow,to some degee the variety of personalpe-

write

a

riodicals, and sometimes the message and rea-

son is too convoluted to follow. Not with YSL,a sir,you're the master of reason and

I bowto your efforts and applaud the skill possessed in your lighthearted rants. I always thought theAKVerve conld somedayreachthat level of sanrg but no dice. Your first person accounts

of the phone prank or the run in with Wild Bill is the kind of truth I beg for.

Ihanks again for the bright spot- I never laughed so hard at Side St.just readin$ s omething; my kids keep ashng me 'what was so funny' How do you explain to a five yeax old rthere is no I in retarded' Regards,

I got your tape and zine igsues a few days a6o, and so far I'm loving all of it. You certainlysound lile you're livinglife more the wayyou picture it ideally which is great. Arty intelligent, alternative socializing is your bag baby, I just wish I was with you to partake. it's quite a,mazing how life works

Dule Russell Aachorage,Alaska

out,that by doing someth@you would do anyvray,whether the outcome was indifferent or outstanding, i.e. your zine, it's now lead onto you being able to fulfill other desires in your life. Fairly inspirational stuff, Mr. Post, fairly inspirational indee d! poor,

xow wltlt

tY cou$t 6* tEtlYlxcEtt't 0! tt;lilt

Darren Johanne sburg, South

Africa

IDDDOYIl

hey lee, while visiting this banen, desolate, white trash infested, pot-less infestation known asAachorage (ok its not that bad), i have found your magazine to be the "dia,mond in the rough" so to say-well, ok, i do tend to exaggerate on Mondays...anyways, i noticedyour sffsr'ef mailinâ&#x201A;Źlyour apocalyptic insighis anywhere in this known world so in case mytelepathic s@als haven't gotten through to you yet, i have resorted to the old fashion method of using the hotmale system to email you my mailing address for ny home base, a far off land called c-a-n-a-d-a. i an going to be in anchorage until august 1 lth, but since i myself litre to procrastinate, i thought that i woul<l submit my request now, allowing you to slowly build up the motivation tbat this task wilrequfe. if ib is at all possible i would [ke all of your back issues as well as your most recent issues because even though i have managed to Fackdown issues I-5, youjust never knowwhatthose da,mn custom official freedom nazis are going to take a liking to and confiscate for their own ulterior motives of taking over this world.

here is the information for

It sqre

feel free to contact me via hotmale wafning:do not attempt to contact me thru ESP unless it is on this coming $Iednesday as this Wednesdayhas been nominated as '?$eat dayfor doing acid is Alaska" by us eazy Canadian kids)

t get be{i<r t}ra'r t}rat

your Squere Llfe

ls en lnclepenilent pubJ-lcat1on of lqua Fortls Deslgn, cr^erteil by Lee Post.

Please conteet Loa rlth your comments, questlons, to obtcln ecLcLltlonel coples et yours qusrell feghotmsl 1. com

encl

your custon tetoos enrt t-shlrts naklng you the envy of ell your frlencls.

(But rere they your frlenrls to begln rlth?)

Lee 1111 deslgn

stimulation:

trevor m pentictonB.C., Canada

4on

ertrork cncl some of the reII thought out prose 1s property of Lae Post snil 1s not to be reprlntecl or us6il ln 8ny ray rlthout the express rrlttan permlsslon of Lee n25 Jrsrrs of pure nonkeJr-Iuv'nrrtD Post.

111

John l{111 -contrlbutor of hlgh quallty llterature enil usail uniler"r8rs.

l{ett llopper - quellty reportlng rnct free raf1lls

Forlune (ookie Sayings will clear that

Some cream

Lucky *

up.

15 25 32 01

b,,1

)ee

posi

You will have many shallow friends who will soon taJk about you when you leave to use the bathroom, insinuating

you are gay . . .soHy. Luckg

#

03 88 47 34

Fortune will come your way, make a snide comment, and keep on walking by Lucky

*

85 71 06

11

This is as g00d as it gets. I don't see any other brite spots in your future. Sucks to be you, I guess.

*

Lucky

4574253

Your commanding personality inspires dissension in others . . . watch your back, asshole.

*

LuckY

83 29 14 23

Pigs fly, Hell freezes ovep, monkeys are shooting out of my ass . . . this may be the night you get lucky Lucky

*

yea6, whalcver,

lftep re*{ring for f{rose *}ars,

Your mom was right, you are a handsome/beautiful individua,l. It's a shame n0 one else cares.

Lucky

Read your Square Life or you

0 52 03 14 97 will burn in everlasting hell.

Lucky * 48 37 18 07

0reo equals fat-ass. Forbune Cookie equa,ls love.

Luckg

*

I can't think of anJrmore pithy

Send Help. Please.

forbunes. The cookie man is goingto whip me in the eye. I don't need this for 14 cents a day.

Lucky * {2 35,., gafifi., ,rDy €yE,

65 89 09 12

The Do-i t Yourself Custom Van Boolc

By Franlclynn Peterson and. |uili R Kessleman Copyri ght tS7 Z

Picture yourself way above the humdrum tin and plastic world - sailing along over the highways and back roads while perched in a high-back, bucket seat captain's chair nothing between you and the clouds but a superwide, superhigh windshield and no hood up front to block your view - wind howling through wideopen windows, blending with your favorite sounds coming from the custom hi-fi you installed yourself - running from the scary, stifling, unexciting work-a-day starched whitecollar kind of life until your arms gtow weak from excitement and from holding the wheel.

-

So you pull off the hypnotic road, bounce into a clump of trees alongside Red Creek in Scenic Somewhere OrOtherUSA, turn off the key, crawl out of the seat that fits your sweaty body like a glove, gmb a can of something cold out of the icebox behind the fuiver's seat, and then dump yourwearybones into a full-size bed that's been ready for you since the minute you starbed the trip. Click off the hi-fi, and the crickets, owls, and tree toads take over the lullaby.

That is the hint of what a van is about. that's a glimpse at whythousands ofpeople are alreadybuyingvans

faster than Detroit's rickety assembly lines can rivet them together.

Mybrother recently moved backto New Mexico and as atribute to his memory I will now commence reniniscing about my dearly departed, and, eventually hopefuily, returnin8 brother,,Iason "son's'a bitches" Post.

G.I. Joe Maylen

As children, my brother and I were incapable of playin$ cooperatively $Ie could play a6oss the room from each other, but anyinterpersonal interaction durin8 our pW wottld inenritably lead to us t0 an wrestling on ttre floor, yanking each other's underwear up past the point of personal cumfort, and then being sent to our room by our sainted mother. Usually, we triedto just steer clear of each other, carefully diwyinguptheieeps,jetplanes,and choice

action figres before delving into our private action and adventure fantasies. Usually any attemptto play cooperativelywas the result of one of two reasons: I) anattemptto annexthe other's action figures or 3) an expression oflatent anger.

-.i.'rt,E{!t

For the women anong my readership, young lads are a notoriously geedy lot. Give us one, we want two. Give us ours, we want yours. I would love to relate that this trait ends at puberf, but sister

youknowitjustain'ttrue. The$eedof ayoungladisonlya,rnplifiedwhendirectedashissiblings. the tJroughtprocessis"Heyit'salreadyinttrefamilyandjustthatmuchclosertobein$minel'Soasyoucan ima$ne, my brief e,xplanation of distributing the toys left out the ffeaphery, deceit, lies, and nanipula$ion that

areabsolutelynecessarytoprocuringaproperstandingmilitalyforce. Partofthemanipulationwasfeisnin$ cooperation while maneuvering to steal each other's toys. Ihis was our understanding of "playing togetherl' As related above, the other reason to try t0 get along was latent anger or, in other words, an attempt to steal each ottrer's toys to make the other's life miserable. Any one with siblings needs no furbher explanation. Your brothers and sisters live in the same spaoe as you, you have to share with them (i.e. Eive up what is yours) and, as far as you

knowatthetime,itsggingtoendupbeingthemoryou,andyou'llbedannedifyou'regoingoutwithoutafi$ht. fitisfi$htusuallya'mountst0petty bickeringand annoyingthe other sibling(s), $hichas youhope inyour little, fevered mind,will eventuallymake themfedupwiththewhole situation and they will be forced to move on to a new fa'mily A fanily with much lamer toys.

Vfith the explanations of our motivation aside, our fights usually revolved around the nrles of the fight. Our tanks and vehicles would engaâ&#x201A;Źe ba6le and the following scenario would play out. (Ihe speakers in this little exchange are irrelevant, as it oould have been either one of us.)

"Ba,m" Pow,I

destroyedyourjeep,and mySuys rode

in

offitl'

" No they didn't 'cauge . . . well, that didn't hit me."

"What do you mean it didn't hit you?"

"Well,youknov'r,rightwhen youfired,I,um, firedmyguns and shotyour rocket out of the ,,No,I

sk/'

,cause

I knewyou woukl rlo that so I ma.de amissile that would split (child proceeds to breakapart cheapplastic missile at the seamg, slammingtheminto the sides of his brottrer'sjeep) andwould hityou anyvr'af; blewyou up,

"Nuhuh, I turned on my force field and it protected me from your bomb . . . and, and, I shot you with my gUns," as he slapped the missiles out of his brother's hands and smacked over t'tre tank, thus be$nnin$ the physical confrontation.

"No way because

mytankis indestructiblel'

"Hey, Hey, you have to

cal that at the be$nning, but it doesn't mater because myjeep is 'outerdestructable'."

d',/&

"That's notaword."

.ah . . .that when you hit myjeep, the blast goes back on your tank and destroys it that's better than indestructiblel' "Yeah it is,

.yealr,

"Is not" "Is tool'

it

means

..

..

Ihus be$nsthe fishtthat resultsinwhichboth of us throwthe others action figures aroundthe rooms, in avainattemptto demonstrate the force our rrehicles possess. Eventually, we be$n wrestling on the floor when there are no more figures to throw;both soreeming at the top 0f our hings for beoause "Lee is throwing my toys", becauge "Jason keeps bothering mel' Pleas which landed our mother's deaf ears, as we were soon ordered to our r00mg.

Bein$ sent to our rooms only escalsted the fi8htn8, as our roorns were siiuated in the sa,me corner of the house, doors perpendicuiar to each other,well within slappin$ an<l taunting distance. Both of us would ca,mp outjust inside the doorja,m;the nrle being that our bodies could not pass the seam of the carpet that defined the boundary of our rooms. Both of us would sit, muttering under our breath, blarning the oiher for getting us sent to our rooms. Soon the room boundaries would break down in our minds, each trying t0 weasel out of our rooms to poke the other, equiming as far as we possibly could out in the hall, ma,kin8 9[râ&#x201A;Ź our littlegt toe vnas planted just inside our room, as that "sH]l counted, I'm still in my rooml' until the other would smeaxn, and we would shirnmyback into our room as fast as we possibly could.

I would like to saythese little battles were a one-time event, a lapse in childhood antl I thank the lord our mother didn't drown us both in the bathtub because of it.

judSent,

but sadlyno. Itris was an almost daily occurrence

T[e ChrlStnil Stereo I remember one Christmas when I was getting readyto return from college, mybrother, aprofessional stereo ingtaller (notice ttre foreshador[rin$, tolrl me that he was going t0 purcbase and install a stereo in my car. My car at the time was the infa,mous Pickle, a bright geen Citation sporting a huge black and white mural of my artwork. Needlees to say, I was orerjoyed at sentiment of my brother's $ft and ttre fact I wouldn't have to ride around with an old school tape deck sitting in the passenger's seat as I drove around town.

the$ftwasallthatmorespecialbecausemybrotherdidnot,anddoesnot,doholidays.

Mybrother,asamatterofphilosophyorne$igence,

$ve $fts. So, this stereo $as especiallyastounrling. I asked him to installspea,kers in the backand ma,ke sure it was a CD player. He said he would do it. l[hen I ca,me backtoAlaska,I was overJoyed to get backinto my car, after not drivingfor six months and speed (as muoh as you oan in a citation) around town. I ran up to my car and found a stereo screwed into the bottom of the dash. I lnew it was screwed in because it vras not flush with the bottom of the dashboard and there were erposed bronze wood geews where the stereo casing was hastily anchored to the car. Below that was exposed wiring and two long stereo cords that came from the back ofthe gtereo and exknded over the seat and attached to two 8" speaker boxes sitting haphazartllyon the back seat. does not

iwenttomybrotherwhowascampedoutonthesofawatcbing"RealWorld".Iaskedhimifhecouldputthewiresunderthecarpeting.

"YeahI conld."

I aeked when he was going to do that.

"0h,I could do it, but I'm not gonna. Ihat's good enough for youl' "But the wires catch on myfeet when i drivel' "Welt don't step on t'hem when you drive," He said with a gmirk. "That gounds like your problem. Hey are you gonna bitch all day oI, can I vuatch myshow. I cantake it backif you don't want it" "No,that's abightl' My brother still does not do holidays, refusing to be a slave to the

$ft $ving nan. But that doesn't mean we can't extend the sibling

squabbles

into adulthood.

Bum

*^#

t0 the f,eayens

With the last story being said, this is just get back for the half-arls stereo installation in my cat.

Mybrother is not amorning person. Never was. I remember the slow, inchin$ cawl from his bed to lhe breakfast table everyday for school that would take a half-hour of constant prorldinS. His face would be

firmlyplantedinto the carpet as he s66elsdhimsslf alslg under protest, his le$s drawn into his chest and butt pointed high to the heavens, muttering that he didn't want to go to schoolthat day lhere is no significance to

this storyjust

a

funny image.

To my brother, where ever he may be.

-Little Lee

.*

0

I IIJRS NOI R YEII ON URIRilON

By John Mlll I wish I could exptain it. She was the most beautifii( woman I have ever seen. A physical description wouH be underwhelming. lmagine having wandered into a va(ley and accidentalty discovering an ancienttemple. Looking at it with natural eyes, you would see the aggregated years of destruction. Piles of rock and stone that once hetd form were now shambles. Yet, somehow, looking in some other way you would still see the ruins, but perhaps you would notice how majestically the columns hetd up the rough of the sky.

They would seem like kings, cloaked in sitken ivory and crowned in frayed frescos. lf you were (ucky, you would feel the lasting sent of long dead and long lasting spirituality, running through your bones.

Perhaps you too could feelthe quiet power daring you to be as strong and magnificent as those ruins.

with me when I stumbted upon her in the cereal iste of my frvorite supermarket. A barely witted fower she was. Stilt standing, stalks stittfirm, but petak dropping as if draqqed down to the ground. ln facr., she reminded me of a witlow. A willow who was trying to find the best bargain cereat. Her eyes were dead set on the Special K. Thet wes the thing that first brought me to her attention, for she was crouched in front ofthe bargain that I myself was at first considering. As I had settled on that brand, she had started to crouch and blocked ny own acquisition. Ordinarily, I would have taken no notice, but then she stayed there. At first I assumed she was only weighing the dim prospect of two weeks of bhnd fakes in milk, but she just stayed there. Her eyes tried to see through the corn fakes befrre darting up.

So it was one day

fash ofgreen as her eyes shifted to lock onto the She then slowly raised her setf and moved towards them. The fruit loops were especialty over priced today. But, it was not towards the heavy price tag that she was looking, rather she was fiocused on the smiling beak oFToucan Sam. I wondered if she I caught a

fruit loops.

was remembering Saturday morning cartoons, and happy memories oftooth decay. Perhaps settihg her alarm ctock so as not to miss the first episode oFthe Smurfr and running with pajamas to snatch breakfrst. For some reason, I could see her; in feeted pajamas cramming as much sugar cereal as possible into a bowl and then filling it over the brim with milk. I coutd see the slosh as she carefutly maneuvered the bowt onto the f.oor near the TV At least, maybe, I was hoping that whatever was passing through her mind was some comfort to her sorety dragging spirit.

Ordinarily, when faced with situations like this, I am coward.

There is this overwhelming ftar of being a mis-represented frol.

Which I guess transtates into a fear ofthe truth. Ordinarily, I would have grabbed frr the Special K and went off in search of apple butter Today, wel[ today I guess itwas a pertof h$ srength. Thet maybe being just on the threshold ofthe temple had fitted me with its divine spirit. Pushing past mysetf, | took a step ctoser "Pardon me, me'em." I said, pulling my hat offmy head. "But wondering if you could help me with something." She turned towards me. lt was the first time in this encounter that she had acknowtedged any presence other than her own. Her eyes, deeply green as a mountain meadow had the same weighted look es the I was

rest of her. Though depressed, they answered the she was willing to entertain my question. "l am kinda new in town, and I was hoping ifyou could telt me something." She nodded. I took a ftw stepsdownthe is(etothe basementcereals. I am sureyou know the kind, they come in mid-sized plastic bags and do their best to mimic the brands so often hawked to us over Saturday morning cartoons. You know Coco-Roos, and Fruity Storres. Eech bag was usuatly covered with ad hock cartoon characters. I picked up a bag of Sugar Loops, and returned to the Fruit Loops. Ptacing

the Sugar Loops next to the Fruit Loops, I turned to her "So, would you egree

thatthese, Sugar Loops," I said these

tast trruo words stightty, [ike they were secret codes, "ere the same es the Fruit Loops." She nodded again, with a little confrrsion finding its way into her gaze. "Yeah, t think so too. But notice, one comes in a bag, and the other in e box." I paused here to see if she had caught onto this bit of wisdom. She nodded again, more slowly this time. "Now you see, same thing, one's in abag,and the other's in a box. Butsee, the bag costs TWO doltars, while the box costs FOUR dottars."

"That's quite a difference," she said. lt was my turn to nod. Until now, I had been managing this whole thing without a smite. For all she knew, I was perftctly serious about this boxtop ditemma. "That whole two dolhr difference then must lie in this box." I put down the sugar loops and gracefutty fingered a box.

"Two dollars," I repeated, "two dol(ars for this box. Can you imagine what a wonderful box this must be, frr TWO whote doltars? Why took, it has puzzles on it and everything. Hours offirn.

And att for TWO dollars." A smile was beginning to frrm at the stretch ofher lips.

"Wetl, what are you going

to do with two do(lars?"

"Whet can't you do with two dollars! Two dollars can change the world. With two do(hrs I can make the sun shine, and

the ptanets revolve, and the grass grow, and a whote bunch of stuff" 'Uh huh' I sensed some doubt in her voice.

"Yeah, here let me show you." I reached for my wallet, but found that putting it out with the box in my hands was just far too difficult, I ended up shifting the box from hand to hand, while I struggled with my front pockets. I handed the box to her and reached for rny wallet at [ast. Snuffiing through the receipts, stamps, and long forgotten emait eddresses, I finatty

pulled out two crisp Washingtons. with the money in my hand, and my watlet back in my pocket, I looked up again into her eyes. Wthout getting [ost, I smiled as brightty as I could.

"With these very two dotlars, I witl make the sun shine."

"l)h huh." There was a definite doubt steak in her voice that time.

"Now, first, give me back the box." She dutifttty handed it overi and I put it back on the shetf "Good, now hold out your hand;' She did that as welt. t then frtded the bitts carefirlly and placed them on her fingers. Not understanding she looked up at me, with a slight confiised smile on her lips. "There you go. The sun shines at last. Now wasn't that more fun than trying to tocate Toucan Sam? Wett, gotta go." Wth that I picked up my

bag ofsugar loops, turned and went. Before I turned the corner to the diary, I managed a glance back. She was smiling more cohfirsed and more brightly than befrre.

lwaved and smiled back.

I

lfound myself that evening at the ctift. A weird bit of erosion that always reminded me of Mars. The place commanded the best view of an ocean sunset. I went there often when I had thoughts that needed thinking. Wth my handsin my steeves, I did my bestto become epert ofthe scenery.

My mind tried to draw a picture ofthe girl in my mind, but it only mangled the physical image of her. lnstead, I onty got the sense of the temple. You mightthink it strange that I would find a depressed person so al(uring. I fttt though, that this was not a ready state for hen ln her posture, in her eyes, and perhaps in the

dunno.

"Pardon me Si4" I heard a voice behind me, "l was hoping thatyou could help me with something." I turned around and found this perfect woman staring in all seriousness, with two folded bills in her hand. "But, I am tooking for sonething to do with two dotlars-"

Wth our legs dangling overthe cliffwe watch the stars climb into the sky. After a couple of awkward minutes I invited her to sit.

After a couple more awkward moments, I said, "l hate to sey this, but, Come here often?"

"Yeah. Mostly at night though."

way she ptayed along with my nonsense, she showed more. ln reatity, whatever I would say would merely hide the fact that I fe(t these things in her Wath no reeson or frct, actually, I ,iust knew that was a great power to this person, far beyond the dropping exterior.

"Oh, a Vampire I see. I understand. I am a yeti myself"

"What are you doing this {ar from the Himahyas?"

"Vecation. No seriously, why nightl"

"l like to avoid the crowds. Besides, that way you don't have to look at a( the beer cans."

"Yeah, I can understand how artificial,

that.

Makes

the place

Feel some

don't it?"

"Yeeh." There was a sudden streak across the growing night sky. We both watched it descend from the heavens. "Thanks," she said.

I wanted to say, "For Whaf'to avoid the comp(iment. But, it was probably hard enough for her to talk to a yeti, tet alone a strange yeti oh vecetion. Atso, welt, she was being honest. That took a l'ot of courage, a tot more than what I had.

"l just hope that I was of some use."

"Was

it that obvious?"

"Dunno. To me, yeah, to someone else, maybe not."

"You're very firnny."

"Thanks, nonsense is a hobby of rnine, I wish I could make a career out o'f it, but we have too many lawyers already, so ." I tet it drop. There was something that was standing in my mouth. Some honesty that I wanted to let out. I stumbled my tongue around trying to get it out before finalty tetting it frll. "l tike to help. That's all. lt's a drive within me. I have to."

"You do a good job;'

"Sometimes.

,

Screaning in on a zip line of monumental poyhooks, Indy Rock'well anives on the scene of hislatest concert. Partrcckgod,partmusicalgenius,IndyRocfuiellconnands the seeaning crowd's attcntion as he exits his rhinestone encrasted. Iimowine, with geat. He rapidly points to women in the crowd with the effottless his pimp strut in marksmanship of a trained gunslinger as he identifies the one's he plans to "sex up" aftet tonight's pefiotmanca HiB ent\wage 0f assistants faa out ovet t'he venue t'0 ensure eversrthingis perfect for tonight's perfomance

W

repofier mustpoint out that alowpoint of the eveningwas when one of Mr. personalusistantsroughedup one of thercadiesinanalleyafter one of the amp cords wre fowd to not be coiled to I[r. Rockwe]l's exrctinS, specifications. Hovtwer, the roadie regained consciousness bytke time tke showwas tobe$in,andMr. Rockvrel) graciously puthimbrckto workwithno hard feelin$s on Mr. Rochlell's part, This

Roektvell's

Indy Rochrell put on

a

concefi of a lifetime, performing songs from his last ahum,

Befuoom PopVofume 1ne,witk a blend of reckless abandonment and careful eaftsnan' sffip only a few seasoned pro* can muster. Through the efforts of Mn Rocbrell's personal handler, Matt Hopper, this interviewer was gru)ted a few minutos with Indy Rockwell to ask him some questions about his phenomenal sta$e show and his TW)

upcor

'nn$

albums.

Un&fr,tvellorInily,lIlmryrtellmeabuttyawrycomlngalbws? Plearieletmehovvhenthryarce4ncteilto!r.nleaseilaslhavefrluils, ilal$r ln antlclpafion of yow nev albams, Wherc can they be prchaseil?

mywlI lneluiled,, vtu arc vettlng thmselws

WellLee,the first albunis a collection of 13 ditties thatl pounded out overaloose twoweekspanlast summerin mybedroom,wheremost of the action goes doum anyway Why should I leave the comfort of my own bedroom to record an album when I coultl do the same t'hing in my underwear?

I titled the collection "Bedroom PopVolume Two", as it is simply an extension of my exbensive bedroom recording collection. fite album is definitely a step up from ttre first album and a pop record to boot. Yeah, lo-fl indie pop that's me to a T. Ttre second album spans back to my old rock band, the Roman Candles. I decided some of those songg were too good to waste and so my drummer and I have beglrn to record those songs in various studios over the

continentalU.S.inhighhopesof havingourfirststudioalbumdonebySrrmmer200l.Iheseson$sarethemostrockingsongseverwrittenbymyseu and feature the thundering presence of drummer exbraordinaire, Kris Rosentrater. Kris and I are also going to begln work on some older recordin$s that have

a darker, more emotional feel than the pop that I've been churning out of late. 0h, the studio album is tentatively titled "Ibo Much Rock for One Hand". We've also got a hot sin$e comin$ out on a compilation zut out

by our label, Absalom Recordings

(www.absalomrecordin$s.com) which also feahlre such indie rock$ants like Frank Black, 0ver the Rhine, Giant Sand, and lda. All albums are best purchased tftrough mywebsite: www.indyrockwell.corqplus there are links there as to other places to purchase albums.

your three b[($est inllaences as far yow musicls concerned?

Who arc

Boy Lee, that is a tou$h onel I'm a bi$ music fan, and to ask me to narrow three influences is like asking a starving hd in Ethiopiawhat his favorite food is. I think you get mypoint when i saythat I like them ail. i think one of those albums that I heard as a teenager that made me feel like I was listening to some

transmission from outer space was Starflyer 59's debut album, the silver one. Pretly muci] anything Jason Martin puts out is inmedible, and I have a Iot of respect for him as a musician and he is a cool $uy to boot. As for two others,I'dhave to saythat I can'treallypinpoint any one particular influence; maybe 50s pop for some of the stuff I've been writing lately I think Greg Dulli of the Afghan WhiSs (& the Twilight Singers) has one of the sexiest voices in the world, and PaulWesterberg has written some songs I've almost wanted to cover. I'll stop now becaus e I conld go on forever about the virtues of Snoop DoggDog, Belle and Sebasiian andAphex I\rrin allin the saxoe

breath.

What tfuee

buils vwlil

Lee, obrviouslyyou haven't really spent a lot of time exa,mining the various g0ods that are available throu$h Inrly Roclwell, Inc., the store that produces mywares. Ifyou took a closer look, you'd see that not onlyhas it strengfhened my image as a bonafide rock icon, and astronomical sales make it fair to say my fan base is glowing at a rapid pace.

Inily, please ilon't be o':e,nileil but have you ever killed

a

b

be least

assdabil wtth, nwtcal$?

How bout this: Which band does Indy Rockvuell really like?

A. Cannibal Corpse B. Kenny G C. Flaning Lips D. Crystal Walters.

Wherc ilo yoa (et lnspiratlon tor yow

lyrlw?

They come in all shapes and sizes and from all different directions...from copying other people's songs to summing up books and their themes in songtitles. Mostlythe songs are about $rls that treated me badly or about carefree things in life. then there are the occasional deeper songs about things that actually impofiant to me, and the inspiration can come fromjust about anywhere.

IIot to be crltlcal,btrt some ilefiactots have saiil that you"rock., ,but then you stop", as compateil to other afilrts vho have been bown to "Borih aail dont stop", Please comment,

I'm

If

so,

man?

Jart Ping off a rumor going arcund,

why?

tnre rumor but it's not what you think. It was at a show somewhere near the desert on the outskfts of Phoenix and there was a rn4n who was apparently drunk and suffering from heat exbaustion althoughl hadn't realizedthis since I was perforr0ing atthetime andhe was I believe you heard

you IIhe

,,,

a

in the'!it" as we call it. Weil, I gess this â&#x201A;ŹUy was shouting at the top 0f his Iungs "She's Fine! She's Fine! She's Fine" (in reference to one of Indy's mostpopular songs) andpeoplejust sorb ofthought he was abigfan or else he was talking about some of the $rls in the front row, who were also screamin8 at the top of their lungs. It was alljust a deafen roar to me, but next thing I lnow this guy like fainted, or so I thought, come to find out he had a heart attack at the exact moment I stripped off my pants to reveal some rhinestone studded underwear that Gucci had made especiallyfor roy "Desert Heat" tour. I felt really bad and sent this guys fa,mily flowers and a personal note. Some have accused me of causing numerous deaths across the United States andvarious parts ofEurope, bnrt don't believe everything you hear Lee. I think people heard of my compassionate way of handling this man's deathand are tryingto score free personal notes fromme. llYot4 its been a

geat intewiew

Mr. Rockwell

..

. aIt,I mean Indy do you have

anypaptingcomments fonyow fans out therc?

V{ell Lee, you and I both know that when the rock becomes your life, it can consume you and become your god, which is something I don't subscibe too. i enjoy rocking and 'turning on the heat" ag I like to call it, but I also lnowwhen to stop that downward spiral of sex, drugs, and rock and roll...last time I checked, the Rollin$ Stones were the on$ ones to get away

We[ to all rny fans inA]aska,I'd like to than-k for there support this past year, and to my international fans, thanks for hitting up the website, we appreciate your comments. Ib all the ladies out there who send the flowers, the e-mails and the perfume laced underwear, thank you; I love you, los

withit.

vadanya.

Is yow tvputatlon as I'overman opffion, ts lttoo ltmlttn(?

#I

i[lfr6'/r[t to llve up to ot,la yow

I was reading the book *10,000 Ways to Say I Love You" by my friend Gregory .LP. Godek the other <lay and I realized that my reputation suits me fine, because when the end of the day comes, ifyou have love, you have it all. 0f course, some people seem to think that my string of past $rlfriends don't agtee wittr me, but you lnov4 they a[ cal me once in awhile and that shonld count for something.

Pleaselay some otyottt tEnhy asst$mes onme,Intowllnes orlass.

You could be my fire, and you could gve me lime

Melt ice cubes on my stomach and do it all the time

fur the temale tans,Is therc a Mrs. Bocfrvell ln the llfitrr-?

Ideally a Mrs. Rockwell could come into playrou$rly 4 years from this ti.me, and ideally she'd wear nothing but underwear around the house, massade me in the mornints, and understand myri$orous tourin$ schedule.

you finil aII the Inily Eocf,,vell merchandlse @ostets, flshlrts, ball rniletrea4 acSlon frgEreis, etc.) hes sotteneil yow Image ilo yoa ftnil It has rtrentthend yow alnaily rablil tan base?

Do

caps, thong

It you want to get morc lnforaadon on IfrDY &OGfrflEI'L, please 8o to his slte af www.indyrockwell.com.

"l'd ptinlhin thry ondpcoplc uould ycll "tUhot tte fu<k is this?" ond l'd bc liko, this ls rock ond roll oln't it?

Peoplc aet so cought up ia trends

T1IE BTAGK }IAIOS Bg Mcrtt Hopper Eillg llopeless rospy voice is in full cfrect ond he osks to bc ercu;ed to grob o srnoke just momcnts lnto our conyersotion. f,s the mouthpiece ior glompunk bond Block Holos both on stoge ond ofr, thc ulriskcy-drinklng, f,lice Cooper loving front mon tells me thc bond is reody foce the drollenge thot lles ohood.

ond iollouring the lotest slngle ond ruhot it comer to is jou shouldn't let onyooo clsc tell you urhot gou likc."

Hopeless hopes people

ulll

folloul

hk odvlcs urhcn one cqtches ulhifrs of non-usnds llke o friendhl feud uddr

on openlng bondl roodie

Ihe bond thot fully embodies the erces of evcrything rock oad roll urlll rEceivo onc of sither turo things occording to thelr oll knonring fricnds" F) Ihe peoplc of filodro ruill set o trop to "beot the shit" out of gan or B) thcy rrill 9et erclted, reolly likc you ond get reolly drunk urlth you.

urhich

onded in Hopolesbolng pisscd upon wlrllc rolling orosnd on dre stoge in thc middle of o shoul. lfot ruontlng to punrh the drunk's lights out ond lose tte uror, hc lnsteod optcd ior thc urhnlng schcmc of rolliog oll over in thc piss ond hugging the guy tuittr his ourn dcfccotion, oll ruhile being

"Beride; thot, ftiendr hove been tclllng us obout thc aigontic mosqultoes up there," soid Hopeless, opprchcnsive ond scorchlng tor on honest relo9 of the truth. f,fter he is ossurod thot morquito seoron is oyer, neur of the roJeidlg cncrooching urintel con't phose him.

vldcotoped for the documcntory "Firttul of Rock ond 8oll".

Voncouver boscd entltg thot theg orc, the Block Holos orcn't croctly uscd to the <oldest of ueot{rcr, but rulth oJrprorimotelg 1.5 yeon of tourlng since signlng uith Subpop fiecords imprint Dic Voung Stoy Prettg truo Veorrl agor the

"Mg ruiic shokcs hsr heod o lot ond oirs mo rrrhg I do stufr likc drot, laut ultimotelg reolizes thot I do it couse its me, ond thotl uhot I do" Hopeless crploias of his supportive hoirdrosser rulfe, Dee ruho rhores tottoo spo(e on his orm.

trond knows no fuor of thc ureother.

Thcir story ls o <ommon one, turo ftiends formlng the Blodr fllorket Bobles five georsogo ond slourlg goined notorietg, odding neur msmbersos old ones lrroke ofr, frnollg solldlfrplng ond decldedlg rodrlng cnough to sprood the rock ond roll mesogc to the mors of gouth <slture.

"ltl

<ool thot rot{r ond roll is gctting somc rcspc<t, but I don't llkc ttre ldeq of it bccoming o trend, urit|r kids runniog oround pretending dreq llke lt becouss itl o trend," Hopelers reloter. "0ock uhen I uos grouring up, I loved roclr ond roll becouse rdren I heord tfis f,omonos ond the lloru Yodr Dolb, tftey modc it ok to be me."

lndeed, punk rock uros not oftuoys the roge, ond a Vouog Bllly Hopeless uros not port of the "in" crourd os tsenoger, eyon o5 rock nlghtdub DJ.

Hopeless ond bond hove on ertendcd iomlly ln olilrer rock ln roll laonds urhom thcy hove ionncd o stroog bond ovor the po* geor:. Lobel motes the Murder Citp Devils, os urell os drelr "slsters in rock", L7, hove becn bl9 supporters olong rulth Subpop orunorJon Ponemon, urho signed the bond.

"[Ponernonl hos took droacer stretdrlng bock to tfte Jesus ond tlory (holn. flhe Elock Holosl ond the [Illurder Cltyl Devlk ure]o o bi9 chonce for hlm.

He used to bc ln Cheop fddr cover bond, ond ofter seelng us ploy omldst blood oll over tfic plocc, he uror roylng, Vou guyt ole grcot ond ncrt thing you knoru rucrc belng iorun out ol over thc ploce." mry

The Holos hovc hod <roq; tlmcs in tllinneopolis (urhore dro

iniomous'piss"

lncldcnt took ploce), Ncur York, (levelond, ond London. lt tuos durlng o tour of Curope thot llopclcss took o ruolk olong lfie river urith o bottlc of uhidreg ond reoliaed, "l pst got ioun out to ploy Ruo Crours in London qrd 9ct drunk...this ls rcollg omozhg. l'm still dumbiounded thot ure're <ornlng to f,lodro."

Ihe bond hos o neur olbum coming out In Fclaruory, ond ls looklng ionuord to ploying f,nchorogc since $ey'vc been on o touring hiotus tuhilc finidtlng up thc olbum. fhey mlss thc outlondldr ioods thcy'vc bccn findlng on tour, including Tcd Nugent! Beef Jcrty. on tlrc bock of thls podt of je*q ond thcrel'Tho Nuge" rldlng o buffolo," Hopcless loughed. fiftcr lnlormlng him of some f,loskon dislres, Hopeless laecome much more eoger to stcp on the plone, dcsplte l|re rcmlnder thot he urill bc dovold of o <lgorctte ior over truo

"lt uroi hilorious to look

hours.

"Mon, rcindecr souJoge ond fr*r tqcos, this is reollg crotic, the guys ore reollq into frsh tocos, theg'rc Aonno love his." -fllUH (otch o llve Block Holos droru on-linc ot httpy'/ururru.cb9b.<om/ undcr t{re <gber costs section. lf you look reollq hord, gou (oo spot red- hoirod figon Sollce of the Born Loscrs in tho front rour urhcn hc ottended tfie dtow o Vcor ogo for (fiti Fc;t. Check out tficir shour ot (hllkoot Chorlles on Oct. l2th. $10.00 for tickets

Ih.e infqrnatlsr r.equested bel4 1s for an tlsregL boolr sr tfr€ rrew'tr,al4rerrlrrgr" "drolrcut'i slo€Eae- Tfr€ goa.a of t}.r^ls questl€nrra.1re l.a to flnd o\rt sqnet,rrjrr€ alro\rt tfre peo5rle, ttleFe ttr€y csne freoEt, krow ttrey feelabout ttrlg worad, and wkrat tl2ey are dolrrg. It l.B not necessarlr to ldent-lf3r ycurlEeaf. A atzabLe nrrmlrer of rnfren at 1a prrb1fuft'edof tfre bool< rrl'l,l- lre dlsLrlhr.tecl to tbe peqple trr tkre scene, free of Ihanks tror yor lreap. few Yabfcrre$r 9an Ferrrando Vall'ey Stbat€ Cof:ege

liorthrldge, Ca1lfortla

D

Pemllyt

s

Rasldsnce: (

?'t.

MeIa:-

Fonmcl Eilucrtlon

L lge: clty

Frnlly (

)

stete

Fanrla

r6l-1g1on:

)

Frthan's Yesrly Incone (roughfy)

Fethen's Ocuprtlon:

J. f,het 1s your orn daflnltlon of 'rilropplng-eotr"t 4, Heve you "ilroPPeil-outrr?

5. f,hy illtl you "ilrop-out'r?

6. Stete rough dete of your 7.

Glva your oplnlon of

some

'r

ilroP-69tr't

(nonth)

(yacr)

of tha problems or 'fhing-ups'r on the nat

ssene.

ths net gcgns ln e fsl

8. f,oulil you ettenPt to cleflne the PhllosoPhy or genersl vlerpolnt of sentlnces?

9. Hor do you feel ebout 'rAmerlcen Soclety"? lO.

Chack

4\j

the ilrugs llsteal balor thet you heve used'

Pot Usail: LSD #-trrPs

Of

A\.

tan

SosletlEIss

Metheilrlns or Speeil Pllls Other Drugs:

-"4" Strte l. la.

I

rough ileta of flrst

uss

of eny clnug

(month), (yecr)

.'

Are you rorklng ln soms rcY for Iagellzlng ilrug use?

Heve you ever: been lockecl uP?

If yes, check the appnoprleta box or JelI

boxeg

belot enil flll

ln

Mantel HosPltel

Pnlslon (ovar 6 nos.

0ther;

tr.

)

Lny other genersl conments or observrtlons:

detes snil

3;\ h-" tb{ :;,*n" 'o av'E'

pffi,.

pdi I sar.r t\is girt irl Spokan e o4 & recent vo.cakott to visit oifl 1y contributor

P1i(, She oas

e

Felo''l '^nl lrund, Sohn yision. Slttin3 aLone *t a.off"" shop cournGvi ,.rifi a bough of tlig. entreclted

in her coal bto.ck deaALocks. She v*oveA ,.rith shoeGss lroce- No doqbto-t<enaSer post-rrrin3 on tlre ,s"ekerldt, brrt for that ntontent she

oa. a 7tc&rre of bea,r$.

-Lee

(Pictrres scribbGd o.rttJre aextAc'y

on John's

breakfos9

6a /4 --7'

,:

,C