Life Coaching with Trust Magazine DECEMBER Issue

Page 1

December 2017


CEO/DIRECTOR Tilanie Meierhans lifecoachwitht@gmail.com

WEBSITE www.lifecoachingwitht.com SOCIAL MEDIA

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed in this publication are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the editor, sponsors, advertisers or publisher. While every effort has been made to ensure that the contents of this publication is both accurate and truthful, the publisher and editor accept no responsibility for inaccurate or misleading information that may be contained herein. The publisher and editor do not promote or endorse any of the products or services advertised in this publication. Advertisers are responsible for their own advertisements. Be sure to consult your medical practitioner before you embark on any self-medication programme. Holistic remedies can be potent.

COPYRIGHT: Life Coach With Trust is protected under the Copyright Act. All rights reserved. No publication may be reproduced by any means without permission in writing from the publisher.

MISSION STATEMENT: The eradication of fear thereby enabling all human beings to believe in their selfworth without harbouring anger or resentment. In achieving such, destroying abusive behavioural tendencies throughout the world. Life Coach With Trust

2

December 2017


courage on her part.

She managed to survive this ordeal with her life intact in many ways. For a short period of time of about two and a half years she lived her dream of peace and contentment. She never had tons of money, but she had her animals and she had her peace. Short lived unfortunately because her ex met some other unfortunate women. Suddenly there were a thousand and one excuses as to why he could no longer pay her, her maintenance. Obviously because he was spending it on the new lady. Then came the bomb, he had killed the now fiancé and himself.

Wow December is upon us and it seems a rush from start to finish. And the question that comes to mind is how many individuals are going to suffer at the hands of abusers? Even if it is only one (which is wishful thinking) it would be one too many!!

Then appeared another form of abuse. His daughter who took what was not hers, lies being told as not to be caught out, others putting in claims against the estate (he had not changed his will and testament) and the brokerage company would not listen. At the end of the day she was left with debt that she would never be able to repay, not on a state pension. She saw no way out other than to end her life.

I think we all know that abuse is rife in our societies and at the end of the day those who do nothing about it are abusers in an indirect way. To look away does not solve the problem, to think it is not your issue is where you are wrong. It is something which infiltrates and becomes a norm. Suffice it to say if we all stood shoulder to shoulder, reported any form of abuse—and I mean any form, we would slowly but surely begin the reform of our society at large.

Do NOT stand for any form of abuse. Speak out to prevent more lives being lost. On a brighter note—do not forget to book your seat for February 5th. This is going to be a fantastic seminar.

This next part is personal to me. At the end of November a dear friend of mine took her life. And yes one can argue that if a person has made up their mind, somewhere along the line they will do what they say. This is quite true. However, in this case there was a reason.

With that I wish you a peace filled December. Whatever you do, stay safe and take care.

You see she had lived abuse ALL her life and I mean all her life. From childhood into adulthood by marrying a womaniser, cheat and physical abuser. Eventually she plucked up enough courage to get divorced. That took a massive amount of Life Coach With Trust

~Life Coach With T~

3

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

4

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

5

December 2017


W

hy, why why????

That word resounded through my head and did for most of my life. And even today I ask why? I am not that old and yet I feel as though I have lived for hundreds of years. My hate of life started when I was a mere 3 or 4, I can’t remember exactly but somewhere along that time frame. Born into a family who had nothing, yet produced babies at an alarming rate. Today I wonder whether they were brain damaged, brain dead, due to all the alcohol consumed or just plain old stupid. Babies though, this they made well. Perhaps when I say these words I refer purely to the man I was taught to call father or the male sperm donor – perhaps you note I do not respect him. Respect is earned even where children are concerned. I have 7 siblings, so yes with myself my parents produced 8 children. There were several babies who were still born, so can you imagine the number of children if they had lived? I do not even want to contemplate that. Money was scarce. My father, a no good user and abuser. My mother, well I am certain she had little to no say at being an incubator, house keeper, cook and bottle washer. Well I suppose those years (not that things have changed much for many) that was the ‘’norm’’. Back to my father though, when he was Life Coach With Trust

6

December 2017


sober he worked on the mines. He was not educated so he did what all menial labourers do – worked with a pick and a shovel. The weekly wage was nothing and it is safe to say that at least if not more than half of that was poured down his throat in the form of alcohol. Bemoaning his lot in life at the local bar – probably holding it up in his mind but more a case of the bar making sure he did not topple over.

called life truly began.

My father, took one look at my mothers’ body, cold and soulless, and told her what a useless piece of trash she was. Yes, it was no real shock to hear, and not one of us had the courage to say differently – we were petrified of this bully of a man. With right of course as what did we know about standing up for ourselves, what did we know that we were worth something even if he didn’t think so – and in those days, few would have had the notion of such things. Fewer would have done something about it had they known what we were living through.

So, most nights he would arrive home in a stupor – he would lay into my mother or my siblings or even me. And we were always so careful not to antagonise the man of the house – yet it made no difference. Looking back, I do believe he hated us to some extent and ‘’blamed’’ us in his mind for his ‘’lot’’ in life. Yet had anyone had the guts to tell him to keep is pants zipped, they would have not lived to tell the tale.

That night it started with what was supposed to be a ‘’celebration’’ of my mother’s life – all and sundry were invited to come – well yes all and sundry did come – meaning all his ‘’friends’’. There was an endless stream of people and our ‘’home’’ was not much bigger than a matchbox if the truth be told. People were spilling out into the garden and into the street and everyone was drinking and becoming louder and louder. I don’t recall many women coming through – I do recall there being 2 or 3 ladies, yet I could be mistaken, and they did not stay they came in hugged us and said a few words here and there to us too and then they were gone.

With all the beating, abuse and numerous children my mother had to give birth to, her body started objecting. First slowly by her losing weight, then more and more, there were signs that she was not well. And I was just over 9 when my mother just did not wake up again one morning. Even though she was perhaps not the best mother in the world, but then what is termed a good mother? She tried to protect us with all her might. Of course, she failed – well most of the time she did but not all the time. My mother was loving and kind and would have helped whoever was in need.

Eventually I think it was around 10 or 11pm when my brothers, sister and I went to bed, but sleep was not coming as the noise levels grew the drunker the ‘’friends’’ became.

That morning, 8 children were left without a mother (again I know it happens to many – but at that point I was unable to relate to that thought - I do not think I even thought about anyone else – perhaps I never even knew that others had gone through similar experiences).

I should also mention we were 2 girls and 6 boys and I was the oldest daughter but the 4th born. My sister was only 4 at the time of our mothers’ death. And I guess somewhere along the line we must have drifted off to sleep but were then woken by the door slamming open. See the boys shared a room, my sister and I shared a

It was here that the nightmare of my so Life Coach With Trust

7

December 2017


room and the baby who was about 6 months at the time was still sleeping in our parents’ room. We had mattresses we slept on, so the boys room was full and would have been even fuller once our baby brother joined them. Anyhow, as I said my sister and I got woken by our bedroom door flying open and hitting the wall. We both sat upright, she gave a slight whine (knowing full well that a scream or crying would only get her into massive trouble), and there stood our father, big, strong and imposing. We felt a little better as he was not alone there were 3 other men with him, so we thought he was not going to lay into us with his ever growing anger.

rings under my eyes, the fact that at school I could not concentrate all pointing to a grieving child. And I again presume that it would be a very valid thought that would cross ‘’normal’’ people’s minds. Yet, it was everything but that. I plotted and schemed within my own little mind how to get rid of this brut that was responsible for the pain and suffering that my sister and I had to endure and of course my brothers in their way. This carried on and on. Eventually and I am not sure where I obtained the stuff, I started taking drugs, purely to dull the pain and suffering. I was a mere 11 years when I started using. My older brothers had left in the dead of night like thieves, promising to return for my sister and me. We are still waiting for their return – meaning they never did come back.

How wrong could we have been!! Yet it was the naivety of a child I presume. We lost ourselves, that night.

When I was 13 in my drug befuddled mind I made the decision to run. Taking my little sister with me. We eventually landed up in Hillbrow a suburb of Johannesburg. Even back then it was not the best of places to be. Yet it was here that we found ourselves. I instinctively knew that it was the only way to survive being here. I also knew that no one would think of us being there. The events that unfolded in the 1st few weeks are rather sketchy in my mind. I do not recall much due to the drugs. Somewhere during those first few weeks I landed my first job. Can you guess what I was doing? The only thing I really knew how to do, or better said what I was taught to do unwillingly. I became a prostitute. I had to look after my little sister, I had to put a roof over her head even in my befuddled mind I knew that and I took that seriously. I also vowed that she would never again be used. Never again would any man lay his hands on my little sister without her giving her consent. I would take the burden upon myself, I was the old-

How sick and deprived those men must have been – and please do not tell me it was the alcohol that drove them to not know what they were doing. That is an excuse that too many use, and it should not be accepted. No different to drugs, when you take any substance that could potentially alter how you react, you know that you could potentially cause havoc on your life and that of others. That night and many nights to come, a 4 year old and a 9 year old girl was raped, not once but repeatedly. Only when I was older did I hear that my father got paid, for the use of his daughters. Again, I presume it happens to many, yet this is my story that I am telling you. My brothers, the older ones, in their own way tried to protect us but unfortunately all that happened was that they got beaten up and locked into their room. I was a walking zombie I guess, and those who did encounter me mistook my silence as a child grieving for her mother, the black Life Coach With Trust

8

December 2017


est, I sold my body to look after my little sister and her needs and to make sure she was safe.

much pain that just would not go away. I decided to try at least to learn something that would allow me to find a job to sustain me. And so I enrolled for the same secretarial diploma that my sister had obtained. I waitressed in the evenings to make ends meat and in retrospect I often ask myself why I had not done that when we first got to Hillbrow – but I guess I was just so used to being used and abused it seemed normal to continue the cycle.

It carried on for quite a few years, I dodged going to school – and of course no one knew that I was supposed to be in school, but I saw my sister through school and provided her with a form of education, even if it was just a secretarial diploma. I was so incredibly proud of her when she got her diploma – I can’t even formulate the words to describe my feelings.

After my diploma I found a position quite quickly with little questions asked and I thrived. I even made a few friends. Yet I never trusted anyone with my story. A few years on and I met my first husband. However, things did not work out because I was not truthful from the start and when I felt safe enough to tell him what my life had really been, it was too much for him to cope with. I could understand to a point, but I felt that I was once again let down by a man – and there was nothing I could do to change things.

Eventually, when I was 24, I managed to take an overdose of pills and drugs. I think I was so tired and I had done what I set out to do, give my little sister a life to carry on with. By this time she had got engaged to a very kind and caring man. And I felt that she could be left on her own and be able to cope. Those were the thoughts I think that I had intending to take my life or what one could call a life. It did not work out the way I thought it should or would and that I would leave this miserable world. I was found by none other than my little sister. So the circle was completed. I had saved her life way back when and she saved mine.

After that I was extremely careful not to allow men close to me – I did not trust. And it took and still takes a long time for me to trust anyone for that matter. There is someone I am seeing, and it was the hardest thing for me to do, but I sat him down once I knew that he was quite serious or rather very serious about our relationship and told him everything.

It was in hospital that I came to my senses realising that my strength was amazing. I could turn my life around and make something of myself. I went through hell in those few weeks after my suicide attempt. And there were many days I wished that my sister had not found me. There were days when I hated her for not having left me to die.

To be honest I expected him to walk out and never talk to me again. And I was the one who landed up being shocked because after telling him my story, he sat very still for what seemed to be a long time with his head bowed so that I could not see his face. And when he eventually did look up at me I was shocked to discover tears rolling down his face. The words that came out of his mouth were and I quote ‘’I apologise for

After a few weeks I walked out of the hospital with my life, but not knowing what I should do to make it ‘’better’’ all I knew was how to sell my body to survive and that was what drove me to take my life. I still had so much anger within me. So Life Coach With Trust

9

December 2017


all the rotten men that walk this planet, I apologise to you and your sister that there was no one there for you in your hours of need, I apologise that I did not meet you sooner to prevent you from going through so much pain. I can only say thank goodness I have you in my life now and I make you this promise today that I will never treat you with disrespect, I will always love you for who you are but most of all for who you have become’’.

ry and I do not feel comfortable telling people and therefore I will remain anonymous. Though it is an instinctiveness that leads me to those who are in need to help and when I tell my tale it gives them hope and inspiration to forge ahead and make something out of their lives. And I hope if you have read to this point you too will be able to feel inspired to help others who are less fortunate and who perhaps are lost much like I was.

Was I shocked? Beyond words. I did not know what to say or how to react. I had never in my dreams expected something like this to be said to me – ever. It was however said, and it was meant with deep and profound sincerity.

If you are living on the streets selling your body, please stop and find someone to help you. You need to find your soul again and when you do, like me, you will again soar high.

Today I am at peace and I am happy, I help those that I can, few truly know my sto-

~anonymous~

Life Coach With Trust

Thank you for reading about my life

10

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

11

December 2017


Human trafficking in South Africa: an elusive statistical nightmare

By

Marcel van der Watt Lecturer in Police Practice, University of South Africa

Human trafficking is a global crime affecting countless victims around the world. Yet its actual scope remains a mystery. The methodologies used to arrive at estimates about its nature and extent have been widely criticised as flawed or lacking in scientific rigour.

expected to be operational in the next few weeks. It defines trafficking to include the recruitment, transportation, sale or harbour of people by means of force, deceit, the abuse of vulnerability and the abuse of power for exploitation.

In South Africa, claims by anti-trafficking campaigners and NGOs include that 30,000 children are trafficked into the country annually as part of the sex trade. The same figure has been used by the Department of Home Affairs to justify recently introduced visa regulations aimed at combating child trafficking.

But the absence of reliable statistics means that there is no clarity on just how big the problem is.

A statistical dilemma

Inflated guesstimates continue to be used by those trying to stop the crime. But they create a credibility dilemma, detract from a constructive conversation and frustrate efforts to understand the multi-layered realities of the problem.

But this number has been discredited as “exaggerated and unsubstantiated�.

Notwithstanding the lack of reliable numbers, the problem is prevalent in South Africa. The number of cases being reported suggests it is on the increase. The situation may in fact be far more chronic and severe than we know.

Human trafficking has become a focus of attention in the country following the introduction of the onerous and controversial visa requirements. In addition, a new act aimed at preventing trafficking is Life Coach With Trust

12

December 2017


It is well documented that South Africa is a source, transit and destination country for human trafficking. This is backed up by a forthcoming book, Long Walk to Nowhere: Forced Migration, Exploitation and Human Trafficking in South Africa, by social scientist Philip Frankel. He dismisses sceptics and exposes some of the unexplored and undocumented crevices in the mining and labour sector suggestive of human trafficking.

absence of an official database on human trafficking. There are also no crime codes in the police service which capture the complexities of each reported incident. Associated human trafficking offences are still subsumed into crimes such rape, sexual assault, kidnapping, abduction and domestic violence. Much of this is due to an inability by some police officials or investigators to positively identify trafficking cases.

My ongoing research draws on the experiences of role-players in counter-human trafficking. These include all the responding agencies including civil society, survivors and ex-perpetrators.

Many labour and sex trafficking victims don’t even know they are victims of a crime. Others, mostly children, are exploited in a distorted net of “culture”. These include aberrant forms of ukuthwala – meaning “to carry” in isiXhosa and isiZulu – a customary practice used to bypass extensive and lengthy marriage rituals.

Preliminary themes highlight multiple accounts of undocumented cases, direct and indirect complicity by political elites and bureaucratic officials, the paucity of border controls, corruption and a culture of impunity. This toxic concoction makes human trafficking an attractive business with high returns and low risk. For example, trafficking in persons for sexual exploitation is the most documented type of trafficking, locally and internationally. Yet none of the international syndicates dominating the sex trade have ever been successfully prosecuted in South Africa. A hidden and subversive crime Society’s justifiable preoccupation with numbers to understand the scope of the problem does little to promote understanding of the complex issues associated with human trafficking.

shutterstock.

Measures to combat the trade cannot be divorced from numerous other structural issues. These include racism, poverty, unemployment, education and inequality – all of which interpenetrate at some point.

Awareness about human trafficking across all sectors of society remains low. In addition, perceptions are often fuelled by skewed media representations. Hollywood movies like Taken and dramatic elements

The problem is further compounded by the Life Coach With Trust

13

December 2017


such as the use of force, kidnapping, and the brutality of perpetrators dominate discourses.

mapped on the other. Such a connection is crucial to understand the configuration of relationships in which the problem of human trafficking is rooted.

Misinformation is further fuelled by the fact that significant elements such as deceit, fraud, grooming, manipulation and trauma bonding often go unreported.

The hidden nature of the crime requires unconventional thinking and flexible methodologies to scope the problem. Every member of society should be empowered to be a co-participant in both quantitative and qualitative data collection. Community based participatory research methods could be used to do so. This would help find significant themes in the seemingly insignificant events of everyday life which may suggest the presence of “hidden transcripts” related to human trafficking.

The possible link between missing persons and human trafficking also begs to be interrogated. In February 2014, the South African Police Services’ Missing Persons Bureau reported that 2641 adults and 754 children remain missing from cases reported between 2011 and 2013, a significant number for a mere two years. Angie Motaung of Bana Ba Kae (“where are the children”), an NGO that works to alleviate the plight of children in poor communities in Pretoria, South Africa’s capital city, says that “there could be as many as 1000 children missing from homes across the city”.

Human trafficking presents a confluence of complexities. This denies us the convenience of an unambiguous and quantified understanding. The key lies in harnessing the complexity of the problem and acknowledging its deep and dense sociological abyss.

Quantitative and qualitative data Instead of trying to quantify the problem in terms of the number of human trafficking victims, the question we should be asking is: which communities are most vulnerable to human trafficking?

We need to redefine success in a way that is sensitive to the structural limitations of any given context. By doing so we may move towards a more even-handed understanding of the scope, nature and extent of human trafficking. It may also be more suitable to framing more appropriate policy and enforcement responses.

This would open the door to finding connections between measurable quantities on the one hand and qualities which cannot be counted but should be

Life Coach With Trust

14

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

15

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

16

December 2017


Mirrors of Mystery In the mirrors of the mystery where the angels are counting coup I heard a song of sorrow from the demons who got their due The mayhem and the madness were their nightmares coming true I heard their song of sadness out of sight where cold winds blew I walked among the shadows my fleeting thoughts to pursue In my silent song of solitude I sensed the light come breaking through I found the gift of gratitude in the night when tears ensue Now Serenity sings a song to me to ignite my dreams anew ~Gary Watkins~ Life Coach With Trust

17

December 2017


https://youtu.be/bRGLfXoEZoQ It is the first resources website on human trafficking specific to South Africa launched in January 2015. We upload links to current and older press releases, video clips, recommended books to read and movies to watch. We also upload academic research and reports with a focus on South Africa. There are also some learning links. We have included a tab for the Unthinkable short film which was made in 2016. This 34 minute short film by Media Navigation and the National Freedom Network aims to educate the public on ‘Lover Boy Recruitment', a tactic by human traffickers to lure and trap victims. Many victims are then sold into the sex trade. The short film is based on Chapter 32 of Kris Hollington’s book “Unthinkable”. It has been adapted for the South African context. Website for South African Counter Human Trafficking Resources:

http://www.nfnresources.yolasite.com Life Coach With Trust

18

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

19

December 2017


Life Coach With Trust

20

December 2017


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.