November 2017
Life Coach With Trust
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November 2017
Content Page
Opening Letter
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Breaking the Silence
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Emerging From Broken
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Trust — Poem
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Life Coach With Trust
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November 2017
CEO/DIRECTOR Tilanie Meierhans lifecoachwitht@gmail.com
WEBSITE www.lifecoachingwitht.com SOCIAL MEDIA
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COPYRIGHT: Life Coach With Trust is protected under the Copyright Act. All rights reserved. No publication may be reproduced by any means without permission in writing from the publisher.
MISSION STATEMENT: The eradication of fear thereby enabling all human beings to believe in their selfworth without harbouring anger or resentment. In achieving such, destroying abusive behavioural tendencies throughout the world. Life Coach With Trust
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form of abuse, but we seem to have reached pandemic proportions where this is concerned. And it affects each and every one of us. Be that in a business environment or a personal one. Time for change is long overdue—let us stand together for all who suffer. The date has been set for the amazing workshop/presentation that was cancelled this year. Unfortunately it can only be run for one day, but set aside the 5th February 2018 if you are in the Durban area or if you wish to come and be a part of this amazing day. There are going to be numerous guest speakers, a delicious lunch and for a bit of a sneak peak so to speak—an amazing trail walk that will clear your mind and bring peace to your soul. It is in an absolutely breathtakingly beautiful setting and even though you will gain much information, you will also be able to relax within the surroundings of this event.
Is it even possible to comprehend what life some people endure? There are many men, women and children that suffer in silence. Their fears are profound. They long to be able to surpass the mountain that looms tall, dark and ominous in front of them.
More information and booking info closer to the time.
I could say it is easy to surpass this mountainous obstacle. And yes for some it truly is an easy task. Yet for many it is a journey that is not always easy. Not always without pain. Yet, one thing I know for certain, those who have undertaken the journey of surpassing their fears have come out the other side strong and victorious.
Till next month, take care, be safe and live life to the full.
~Life Coach With T~
This month there is a letter from anonymous, and another article written by another person who prefers to remain anonymous, and that is perfectly fine. You see it is the mere fact that these people are prepared to stand up and speak out and be a part of the change that needs to be addressed and brought about. This can and will only happen if each and every person stands together to get rid of the abuse, the fears, the anger in the world. Yes, there will presumably always be some Life Coach With Trust
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Breaking The Silence
An e-mail received by a survivor of abuse. She has spoken out even though her name remains anonymous her voice counts toward all those who have the courage to speak.
I
have been those who I have gone to for help, telling me that I am to blame, those who adhere to religious beliefs that the women needs to be subservient to the man she marries. To the lot of you all I can say is that my God has opened my eyes. Totally and completely, it took time, but I am so grateful that the shades of hades have fallen from my eyes!!
decide to break my silence.
I am no she devil, nor has no devil possessed me, nor have I been influenced by any other – I would not know who it could even be as I have been isolated. No longer do I have the comfort of friends or family. You made sure to take even that away from me.
No longer will I be the punching bag for you who has taken every bit of my self-worth. You who thinks that you have the God given right to abuse me and treat me as you wish. For so long I have believed that it is my fault, my doing that you become some form of monster from some faraway place. There Life Coach With Trust
Vindictive, nasty, controlling, that is the per5
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son you are. Where does the word love fit into this picture I have asked myself for well over 20 odd years. You who gives the impression of kindness, gentleman of note, friend extraordinaire – what a laugh and what a sadness all wrapped up in one.
longer fear you or what any human could do to me. And that is the reason I say thank you to you.
I have had the misfortune of being rushed into ER not knowing if I will live or die. And you standing there telling the doctors and nurses how we had an accident. Strange that no one questioned the ‘’accident’’, perhaps not totally strange either as you are an actor of note, I am sure you would have convinced anyone and everyone that you the perfect human specimen would or could never do no wrong or even harm a fly.
~Anonymous~
To you who are reading this, know that you are bigger than your fear, bigger than your enemy because you are totally amazing.
Today to you I say thank you for what you have taught me. For so long I hated myself, I loathed you for who you were. Only to realise that you have made me stronger. I no
Life Coach With Trust
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5 February 2018 Botha’s Hill, Durban Come and join a team of guest speakers, 2 of which are from Johannesburg who will give you:
- Stepping stones - Encouragement - Personal Power - And much more Keep watch on Social Media for more information coming soon. Life Coach With Trust
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Life Coach With Trust
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Emerging From Broken
Submitted by anonymous
Life Coach With Trust
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Recovering from sexual assault is never an easy thing for any woman (or man) to get over. The thing is, we never truly just “get over it”…We learn to walk through the emotional pain and learn to mange it better. Anything at any time can set us back a bit, even if we think we have totally dealt with it at an earlier time in life. I share my story in the hope it helps at least one person out there cope better with the harsh reality of their life being irrevocably changed forever…This however does come with a PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) trigger warning. Some details could be too graphic for those who have been through similar experiences… My story starts in 1994; the year I was violently raped by a boy who I thought loved me… We had been seeing each other for a few weeks, when he asked me if I would be interested in going on a beach walk with him in the moonlight. Not thinking that I was in any sort of danger, I had accepted his invite. My mom even dropped us off and arranged the time she would fetch us. We walked on the water’s edge, spent some time in the swimming pools, and then took a walk along the peer to the lighthouse and back. Everything seemed magical. There were people playing music in the distance, and he asked if I would like to dance. So we danced a little. The music changed to more of a romantic nature, and he kissed me…And that is where my life began to change in an instant. His kiss was welcomed, but when he started roughly groping me all over and I said I didn’t like the way he was grabbing and hurting me, his whole demeanour changed and he became violent. Producing a knife out of seemingly nowhere and holding it to my throat, threatening me with my life if I refused him. I tried to call for help, but quickly realized that there was no one who was in earshot above the thumping music and if I wanted to live, I Life Coach With Trust
had no other alternative but to let him get it over and done with…But something inside me kept wanting to fight and resist. So it was no easy task for him to disrobe me, despite me only wearing a bathing suit and sarong. He kept trying to kiss me, but the magic of that first kiss was gone. He threw me down on the sand, and began groping me all over again. It was agony, never having had anyone touch me that intimately before, I didn’t even know what was going on. I was crying out in pain by the time he started penetrating me. I thought for sure it wouldn’t be that much longer before it was over. But I was wrong…He kept at it, in all sorts of positions. He even sodomised me. And just when I thought my body and mind couldn’t take much more, he stopped, leaving me crying face down in the sand. My mind gave up at that point, and I didn’t expect him to start all over again. But he did…My body, mind and soul gave up fighting, and I just lay there sobbing as he carried on forcing himself into me like some crazed animal on heat. He carried on and on, as if he were looking for some sort of reaction from me. I just didn’t know what, until my body started shaking uncontrollably in climax. My body failed me!! And he kept telling me that he knew that I actually wanted this all along. And that is when he was finally done with me and reminded me that my mother was on her way to fetch us…I was shattered…How could this have happened..? Did I really deep down maybe want it as he had sneered at me? Why didn’t my body feel the same disgust as I was feeling on the inside? My head was screaming at me…I didn’t know what to do…All I could do was get dressed again and walk back with him to where my mom had arranged to fetch us. When she arrived, I was already running on auto pilot. And I never told her what had happened to me. In fact I was afraid she would think the same
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thing…That I had wanted it to happen…And because almost no one ever talks of the body responding like that even in trauma, the shame of it all drove me nuts for years after that, and some of the memories of it became repressed and hidden in my subconscious until fairly recently when I started having vivid flashbacks to that night. Time and my perception of reality changed after that night. I no longer felt comfortable around anyone; in case I led them on to do something I did not actually want…That was until I met the man who became my first husband and the father of my two girls. He was older than me by a large number of years, and at the time I didn’t think that what I was getting myself into was as bad as being raped. And it was nowhere near as bad as having to deal with my parents’ messy divorce. But soon after we got serious, he took me to another city and coerced me into a life of prostitution. He knew that I had recently gone through my parents messy divorce, and being almost totally alienated by my family, knew I had no one to phone to come fetch me. I felt lost and broken all over again. Not thinking straight, I felt I had no other option but to do his bidding or I’d be out on my own in a foreign city with no one to turn to. And time can be a funny thing… He slowly convinced me that I was enjoying our life together. In between all the hard times we occasionally did things normal people did, so I slipped into a sort of a depression. Accepting that this must be what normal people did. Not realizing at the time that I was being abused only for what he could get out of me. On and on the charade played out for 12 years, before I finally started waking up to the reality of having lived a lie all that time. Realizing that he too was raping me. And daily…We are all led to believe that we give everything to our spouse, so I gave my everything regardless Life Coach With Trust
of how I felt. Even if I didn’t want to have sex, I’d let it happen. It was after all easier than being beaten for refusing him. And there is little talk about being raped by your own husband. After I filed for divorce and left, I met someone who I thought was the sweetest man alive. Someone who may just be the one I could spend the rest of my life with. He was kind to me and my kids. He promised us the world…But that also turned out to be another big mistake in my life. And it was only towards the end of 9 years with him that I realized I was in a far more abusive relationship than ever before. He was abusive in a cunningly nice way. He gaslighted me into believing all our problems was my fault alone. And when he saw fit, he withheld love and affection just to prove that point. He used sex as a way to his own gain. It was always on his terms. And regardless if I didn’t feel like it, it was expected of me to always be there for him. So again I found myself being raped and abused by the man I was committed to. But because he pretended to be a nice person and became an illusion of what he thought I wanted in a partner, it took me a long time to realize I needed him to leave. And it took a lot of self-healing to get to the point where I felt confident enough to tell him it was over. I had to know within myself that I could walk away and not fall into the same trap as I had done all my life. It took me roughly a year of deep self-reflection and reprogramming of my mind to get to a point of just knowing that I would be ok again. And now that I am in the right kind of relationship, I can see more clearly just how messed up my life actually was, and that with the right kind of love, self-love and support one can indeed heal completely from so much abuse. I am by no means completely there yet, but I have indeed come a long way. I still have flashbacks of my life before, and I am still plagued by sometimes
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crippling anxiety and suffer server CPTSD episodes. It’s a daily struggle to maintain composure and keep my wits about me, but I work daily on relearning what life is supposed to be about. I am not to blame for all that happened to me. No one chooses bad experiences. Sometimes bad things happen and it is up to us to find the positive side of what has happened. It’s hard sometimes to find the good in situations that transpire in our lives, but often the lessons can be as simple as learning to love oneself on a deeper level.
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TRUST Trust never keeps once the cracks appear within the poison seeps despite a smooth veneer within the rot soon reaps Trust never keeps Unless you cherish it hold it near Trust never keeps most often lost to fear within doubt that creeps words remain unclear within the damage deep Trust never keeps Unless you cherish it hold it dear ~Gary Watkins~
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https://youtu.be/bRGLfXoEZoQ It is the first resources website on human trafficking specific to South Africa launched in January 2015. We upload links to current and older press releases, video clips, recommended books to read and movies to watch. We also upload academic research and reports with a focus on South Africa. There are also some learning links. We have included a tab for the Unthinkable short film which was made in 2016. This 34 minute short film by Media Navigation and the National Freedom Network aims to educate the public on ‘Lover Boy Recruitment', a tactic by human traffickers to lure and trap victims. Many victims are then sold into the sex trade. The short film is based on Chapter 32 of Kris Hollington’s book “Unthinkable”. It has been adapted for the South African context. Website for South African Counter Human Trafficking Resources:
http://www.nfnresources.yolasite.com Life Coach With Trust
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