LivingLBI Gazette Nov 2014
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An Unapologetic Voice
painted striped shadows on the beige walls. For a moment, I felt like a caged animal--or worse, guilty. Blindfolded Lady Justice gleamed on the roof. In a silent and resolute sun. I “visited” my father; we walked through the courthouse one day when our son was a young boy. My father was reassuring him that the courthouse was a wonderful place when we are on the right side of the law. And, I again enjoyed “My Cousin Vinnie”, when an unlikely “team” from New York did the impossible in rural America: won the case. And “The Verdict”, whose medical malpractice case was so compelling, Paul Newman was scared sober. And “A Good Mother”, in which Diane Keaton was betrayed by justice and lost custody of her beloved child. And, Twelve Angry Men--the original--in black and white--with the electric fan to cool the jurors during the heated interaction between twelve jurors on a hot day--as they struggled to make a decision. Even though I was not chosen for a case that day, as I returned to my life in Barnegat, I was proud and pleased to have been chosen to perhaps be a part of justice. I hope to never need to be judged or defended by a group of people, most of them who could not be by themselves-- technology-free--for a mere eight hours.
In late September, I was assigned Jury Duty at the Hackensack Courthouse. I had about one month to rearrange my teaching schedule, meet writing deadlines and prepare to travel back to the town where we raised our son and are in the process of selling our home. Everyone I informed had the same reaction. They sympathized with me regarding the “interruption” in my life at this time. They offered me a myriad of excuses for “getting out of” the assignment. I assured them that I felt nothing of the sort and would resume my teaching and other appointments right after I proudly did what was my right and my responsibility--as a citizen of our country. I have been assigned Jury Duty twice before, but this time I was acutely aware of some changes in the prospective jurors--and myself--as we were all marooned and moored in room 404. We were a flock of diverse ages and stages, shapes and sizes, dreams and desires all united in one activity: waiting. About half of us chose to pass the hours in the “television” room; the others, including myself, chose the “quiet” room. Immediately, almost everyone turned inward. They began typing and clicking and checking and emailing and texting and phoning and laptopping and ipodding and ipadding and surfing in their seats, and some were even shopping. Many never looked up till we were dismissed for lunch. Many never once looked around. Most eyes remained fixed on one screen or another. Transfixed by a virtual world--accessible by their fingertips and occasionally, an electric outlet. Having selected a chair by a sunny window, I enjoyed watching the “We carve out the world with words; we sculpt our world with deeds.” very blue sky and billowy clouds floating above and golden and Written by Judy Horowitz copper leafed trees blowing wildly below. The bars on the windows www.senoraonline.com
Be Happy
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Wandering down the "self-help" aisle of any bookstore, one appreciates the vastness of people's search for happiness. The Spanish speaking people--in their wisdom-have two words to express happy: "feliz" and "contento(a)". The first refers to an inner joy, one that emanates from leading a purposeful, trusting, moral life, one that coincides with one's beliefs and values. The other is fleeting and dependent on externals, including objects, weather, and others' approval. The "pursuit of happiness" is such an elusive concept, yet one that is at the core of our country's history. So many of us may devote a lifetime to chasing happiness, only to find ourselves continually waking up depleted, even despite wealth or fame. Connection to others in a genuine, meaningful, pleasing way is an essential component of living a happy life. The life devoted to important work, playful exercise, and private time to replenish ourselves--day after day--are three components of being happy. ~judy
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Motivation Which comes first, motivation or hard work? Inspiration or perspiration? I'm going to share a secret that I learned from Synanon community during its existence, the concept of "acting as if". Some people may have slightly distorted the idea into the slogan, "Fake it till you make it." An extension of this thinking is behaving as if we "want to" (do something that is in our healthy self-interest), not necessarily because or when we "feel like" doing it. So, since 1970, I have swum laps--in all weather and whether or not I have felt like it. Since 1988, I have followed the Weight Watcher's way of life-whether or not I have felt like it. Since 1970, I have been a devoted teacher-on days when, well, we get it. I am excited about these three parts of my days--and, others--including TODAY! ~ judy
ARTS • CRAFTS GIFTS SHOW Saturday, Nov 29 10 AM -3 PM BEACH HAVEN FIRE HOUSE
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Early Dining
Quotation
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Corner
“Gratitude grows as we share our gifts in order to better our world.” --judy horowitz
SAVE THE DATE NOV 18 @ 6PM
Aries ~ March 21 - April 19 Be grateful for your bountiful energy, but careful not to overdo during this hectic month. Do only your share in the projects and challenges you’ve taken on; allow others to shine, too. Taurus ~ April 20 May 20 This month makes special demands on your time and money; be careful in investing both. Allow others to guide you if you feel the tug of overdoing and overindulging. Gemini ~ May 21 - June 20 This month is a good time to listen to loved ones more. Moderation is your best strategy in all efforts. Rediscover the benefits of networking, both at work and in your personal life. Cancer ~ June 21 - July 22 You must let go of something in order to embrace another. Welcome the changes you face now with a bit of humor. It will soften your acceptance of the economic climate. Leo ~ July 23 - Aug. 22 Stay cautiously proud and loyal to all who help your cause; tame your tendency to control and grab the spotlight at social gatherings. Balance helps keep things peaceful. Virgo ~ Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 Easy does it now; let you gentle grace ease anxieties over what you cannot make right. We live in an imperfect world; your best is all you can expect. Relax and take a deep breath. Libra ~ Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 The frenzy of this month will benefit from your calm and need of balance now. Remain sensible at work and the holiday table. Your presence of mind and fair-mindedness will help so much. Scorpio ~ Oct. 23 - Nov. 21 Align yourself with those who will not excite your insecurities now. Share something about yourself with someone you trust! See your softer sign flourish! Not a good time for excess.
Sagittarius ~ Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 Embrace your imaginative and hopeful spirit as a plus in that new challenge. Responsibility can be very exciting when fully accepted! Make that change.... Capricorn ~ Dec. 22 - Jan. 19 Your discipline and practical nature will help through this month of change. Get outdoors as much as possible--it is healthful and fun! Include that special someone and/or your pet! Aquarius ~ Jan. 20 - Feb. 18 Gratitude should not hamper your style. Add creativity to your holiday table and workplace while joining the mood! Show you are ready for more recognition for your efforts! Pisces ~ Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 Your generosity of spirit and tranquility of soul are very much needed now, as people rush about; they are the true wealth you have to offer this month; guard your own wealth.
Nourishing Thoughts We are on a collision course with the holiday season--and, some of us may find ourselves catapulted into the wild, reckless late fall bumper car ride of doing too much, planning too much, expecting too much--and eating too much..again. How is it possible that this season of gratitude and generosity could morph into one of greed and gluttony, gorging and guilt? Is it possible that the all-too-familiar cycle of overdoing and overeating and overspending--and the predictable resulting exhaustion and resentment--begins with Halloween? Have we perhaps, “tricked” ourselves into “treating” ourselves in ways that may have momentarily soothed our souls and calmed our cravings--yet, left us hungry for satisfaction that would be more aligned with our deeper needs and desires NOW? Are we still locked into a pattern that may be a lifelong habit we wish to replace with one that would better fit our lives TODAY? HOW do we do this? How do we emancipate ourselves from the role we play in a daily drama from which we dream of deviating this November? How do we dare to grow into our own “pilgrim” we can honor at the table this year? With our “plate” possibly already crowded with responsibility and overloaded with expectations--ours and those of others who depend on us--this moment is the perfect opportunity to enjoy a Thanksgiving holiday we will cherish for years, rather than wish for a better day next year. My leaders of distinction throughout my twenty five year journey as a Weight Watcher instilled in me the belief that I am the most important guest at any holiday event, including the ones I host; I needed to learn to behave as if it were true. I needed to learn to prepare and plan the day as I would if my wellbeing mattered more than forsaking my own needs to please and appease those who would come and go and leave me feeling vaguely violated, depleted, and exploited. These feelings are the breeding ground for self-care that may not be in our best interest. For healing that may not be the healthiest choice. To settle for succumbing to excess on any table could never compare with the feeling of success when we awaken the next morning after having followed the path we envision for ourselves--any more than allowing a stray branch to trip us as we hike along a country path towards a clearing of crisp autumn leaves rustling in the autumn breeze. Let us truly treat ourselves graciously this month--like the grateful and deserving adult we are--rather than the deprived child that lives somewhere in all of us, and we will make the choices that lead us to greet ourselves in December as we want to be--come January. “The most difficult “war maneuver” in our “fight” with any food is recognizing that the fight is a distraction from a different battle: the one with the feeling”--ljg Judy Horowitz www.senoraonline.com
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Happy Holidays
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WOW The Holidays are coming up on us so fast. It happens every year. Summer ends and like lighting, it is Christmas. Things feel normal again. Two years ago, we had the distraction of a nasty hurricane. So many of us went through a nightmare and some are still dealing with the mess. But a lot of us are back to normal. It feels good to get back to our lives and routines. Stress levels have been greatly reduced and I find myself laughing again. When the hurricane struck, my grandson was only two weeks old. My son and daughter-in-law’s lives were very disrupted. But now, two years later, they are having another baby. A little girl this time. They are settled in their house safe and sound. There is lots to be happy about.
Lisa
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Just Ask Judy Dear Judy, My dad died about a year ago, and mom has moved in with me. I am a widow and the parent of two grown children, so it is nice to have my mom’s company. In many ways, my mom is helpful. She pays rent, cooks a wonderful dinner and sets a beautiful table every night. This--along with her willingness to walk my dog--makes my life much more pleasant, especially after a long work day. My problem is that from time to time my mom becomes morose and irritable. She will bait me by being overly critical, and we predictably end up arguing about “dumb stuff”. I typically say things I regret and feel guilty for days. I want our first holiday season together under one roof to be as peaceful as possible. Please help me. Want to Get Along Better
Dear Want, Opening your home to your mother is a noble gesture, especially during this period of grieving. It seems that for the most part, you and she enjoy a mutually beneficial and respectful relationship. When you begin to be pulled into the “toxic tango” you later regret, turn off the “music”. Refuse to give your power away by being “hooked”. Once you decide that you will NOT join the argument, your mom will find it no fun to “dance” alone. And, you can both get back to building new memories together. Wishing you a winning outcome, Judy
Pet Tip
Damage from Wind, Water, Fire, Frozen Pipes, Flood, Theft, Vandalism
Be Kind • Protect them • Love them When I was a teen, my father noticed we were out of cat food. He told me to go to the store and buy the cat her favorite food and she likes the variety flavor. Being young, all I heard was “buy a variety of cat food for the cat”. When I came home with the cat food, my father looked at me and asked “why didn’t you buy her the variety?” I told him that I did by all different flavors. But he said, “she likes the kind that has the variety mixed in the can”. At that moment, I saw the compassion and kindness in my father. He was worried about making a little cat happy. What a wonderful man he was. I miss him.
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234 Stafford Park Blvd., Manahawkin, NJ • (609) 978-1202