LivingLBI Gazette Dec 2014

LivingLBI Gazette

Happy Holidays

609-597-4445

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Publisher: Lisa Ball Editor: Judy Horowitz

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LivingLBIgazette.com Call Kim to advertise 609-549-1988 Lisa@LivingLBI.com 609-848-1111 587 Mill Creek Rd. Manahawkin, NJ

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Be Happy

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Fighting Holiday

Depression

You Can Be Happy 4

The first time I heard the term “bucket list”, I was in a women’s locker-room putting on my swimming suit. I knew from the context of the conversation I had overheard that that compound noun had nothing to do with my definition of happiness.

But then, I have never been a “list” kind of gal--at least, when I finally got down to the serious business of living joyfully each day.

I hadn’t the time or inclination to nurture some “fear of missing out” on something before my life ended. I wonder if people with an outline of things they wish to “check off” before they die view life as a series of challenges and conquests that should be accomplished to prove to themselves-and others--that they have fully lived. A collection of peaks and valleys. A “so much to see, hear, learn, eat, drink, do--so little time: one life” way of thinking and living.

I am happiest when I am doing what I am supposed to do every day. I am supposed to work and play and exercise and grow and be nice to myself and others. I am supposed to listen to music, read a good author’s words, and drink in the wonder of our silly planet with its endless possibilities and problems every day of my life! At day’s end, when I curl up in the cozy bed I share with my loving husband and we enjoy some television, I know that there can be no greater way to end my day--or my life.

I may never know the excitement and thrill of experiencing some of life’s “bucket list options”. I have no fear of missing out. The only fear I ever harbor is that I will miss out on the moment I am in because I make the mistake of fretting about what I could be doing, should be doing, would be doing--if I weren’t in the moment I am in.

I have all the happiness I could ever need drinking from the cup I hold--filled to the brim with my life. No need for a list on a post-it.

~~judy

Around this time, some of us feel depressed. It could simply be a change in our daily routine, the darker days, or something deeper. Whatever the reason, you must try to fight the sadness. If not for yourself, then for everyone around you. Fake it until you FEEL it. Depression is a self-centered illness. You focus on YOU. Remember that your friends and family are fighting hard to be happy. When you show your sadness it distracts them from their fight. Giving into the “blues” is giving up on happiness. Don’t let depression rule you. You are the boss of your feelings. Let the happy force be with you...don’t go to the dark side.

-Lisa

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Motivation As early as 1970, during the fall of my first year as a New York City junior high school teacher, I would become aware that some students seemed more “motivated” than others-to arrive to class on time, to bring learning tools, to join the learning. I became fascinated with those who seemed indifferent to project deadlines, upcoming tests, group discussions.

For decades, I have thought about all of us who procrastinate--till we are late, we entirely miss the date, believe we are meant to be locked out of the gate. I have come to see one motivation behind procrastination: fear.

For those who procrastinate getting started, procrastinate continuing, and those who procrastinate completing--whatever you are trying to accomplish--are you motivated by the fear of failure, the fear of success, or the fear of finishing--and finding out? ~~judy

Thank you Ship Bottom for your wonderful holiday lights.

The front cover photo shows just a small bit of the display you’ll find at the waterfront park. The reflection of the lights dance on the bay and can be seen while driving over the bridge.

It is spectacular!

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An Unapologetic Voice

I am the daughter of a hoarder. My mother died on December 13th in 2005. She was not a woman who passionately collected angels or owls. By the time she died in her Manhattan apartment, my mother would carefully navigate a narrow path to the kitchen, so as not to fall under a heap of dusty magazines and sagging cardboard boxes. On her way to the bathroom she would trudge through a tunnel of towels, toilet paper, and several shoeboxes filled with tiny soaps from hotels somebody else had visited. There was no system to the stuff piled to her peeling ceilings; decades of dust and dirt had walled her in, a moat of objects and grime closing out a world of potential joy, beauty, and peace.

For three days my husband sifted tirelessly through the mess she had left behind while I wandered about, cloaked in shock and grief. I was unaware as my husband and best friend collected several items he knew I had always loved, including a gold locket of a star and the moon with my mother’s initials on the back. The piece of jewelry I had cherished since childhood when my mom removed it from her neck and put it around mine.

After Bob’s work was done, a team from a local charity came by and thanked us politely for some bags of clothes with sales tickets still attached and some bowls in their original boxes.

Bob left me by myself in the apartment, naked except for a love seat where once upon a time, my father and mother watched television while holding hands. And a dresser, whose empty drawers smelled still, of my father’s cologne and my mother’s lilac scented toilet water And a scratched kitchen table my mother had not used in decades. I smelled the latkes and tasted the jelly donuts my twin brother, my parents and I enjoyed while the menorah candles reminded us of the miracle of courage and tenacity when all seems lost. I swept and I swept and I wept and I wept. And all the while, Bob waited patiently outside.

Before I left the apartment for the final time, I thrust open the living room window and listened for the bells of the Salvation Army Santa begging for some generosity amidst the noise of routine and efficiency. Amidst the buses below and the businesses promising bargains and the buying--of gifts and more gifts for those on the lists--along with the seasonal bags and boxes and wrapping paper and ribbon. He still stood outside the stone church on Avenue A, and it just amazed me that this world could continue without my mother.

And, all about, on the 14th Street I barely recognized, the mystery and magic of the seasonal lights, the smell of pine and the sound of song and silence glistened and twinkled and reminded me of the promise of peace and joy and forgiveness--the way I chose to remember it when I grew up in that apartment.

“You don’t have to be an angel to sing harmony.” --Carly Simon

Early Dining

Written by Judy Horowitz www.senoraonline.com

Quotation Corner

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“Every star sparkles as the wind sighs as the fire curls about the wood as the warmth of your love wraps me in wonder--we are all a part of this night.”-ljg

“ We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by every passing ship.” ~~judy Aries ~ March 21 - April 19 Remember, especially at this time of year, to save for a rainy day; control the impulse to buy all you see for all you love. Restraint is a better choice than reckless for now.

Taurus ~ April 20 May 20 Be careful not to allow the spirit of generosity and love to get the better of your time and judgment. Stay temperate at parties, so that you keep your healthy weight.

Gemini ~ May 21 - June 20 Keep to your diet and exercise regimen as much as possible during this month of gatherings. Remember who matters at the start of the day and keep this person in mind throughout the day.

Cancer ~ June 21 - July 22 It is a perfect time to break out of your comfort zone just a bit. ‘Tis the season to relax a bit; do yourself a favor and do something different and watch yourself enjoy another’s company!

Leo ~ July 23 - Aug. 22 Overdoing can be a problem this month; model behaviors your regal side can be proud of: stay conservative when shopping, tone down the tendency to control others at the party.

Virgo ~ Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 This time of year can make demands on you that are not yours to fix; do your best, always, but know that your best can not make all possible.

Let some of the season’s love be on yourself!

Libra ~ Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 There’s just so much magic and harmony this month; stay close to those who will help bring calm and insight to the day or evening; steer clear of drama queens until after the holidays.

Scorpio ~ Oct. 23 - Nov. 21 Temper your tendency to control now; stay smart in decisions and let a trusted friend in on your plans so greed does not interfere with grandiose dreams.

Sagittarius ~ Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 You will certainly be open to some holiday happenings; know your legal limits and moral responsibilities--and have fun you never expected!

Capricorn ~ Dec. 22 - Jan. 19 Much of what goes on during this time may seem extravagant or frivolous; relax a bit and let yourself enjoy the festivities and fanciful of this season. You might surprise yourself!

Aquarius ~ Jan. 20 - Feb. 18 Your creative input and independent ways will help with holiday plans and preparations at work and at home; avoid critics and make time for the thirty minute walk daily with a partner.

Pisces ~ Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 It is in everyone’s best interest to be your friend now; you do not hunger for the impossible, and your generosity and compassion will melt fears, even during the coldest night.

Nourishing Thoughts Some gifts that don’t need a box or wrapping paper or a plush ribbon Leading by example Tolerating differences Celebrating the best in people Honoring the need for privacy Self–caring Giving up a bad habit Developing a good habit Being genuine Helping someone learn something good Speaking your truth Really listening to another’s story Enjoying safe, lawful fun Trusting yourself Forgiving yourself Letting others give to you Happy Holidays!

Judy Horowitz www.senoraonline.com

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Dear Judy, The Christmas holiday week and New Year’s Eve have been a wonderfully busy and hectic time at our home ever since I can remember. Throughout my long and loving marriage, my husband and I have enjoyed surrounding ourselves with family and friends and the smells and sounds and shopping and decorating that makes for a delightful time. For no particular reason, we feel different this year. Nothing bad has happened; we just want to spend a simple time by ourselves--without the grandchildren and the dogs and the neighbors and the fuss and bother. We wish to share our love and energies this Christmas Eve only with each other-by our wood-stove in our pajamas, if we wish. Watching the ball fall into a new year--on the couch in sweat pants, if we wish. How do we let the family and friends know how we feel without letting them down?

One guilty grandma

Just Ask Judy Dear Guilty, There is no law or rule that dictates how we are to live our lives--or spend our precious holiday season. Honesty, humility and gratitude have always been the “high road” that leads us home to where we need to be. Send each of the family members and friends the most beautiful hand-written card along with carefully selected, exquisitely wrapped gifts, and gently let them all know that this year, you and your husband need to be each other’s Santa.

Wishing you a winning outcome,

judy

Pet Tip

Exposure to winter’s dry, cold air and chilly rain, sleet and snow can cause chapped paws and itchy, flaking skin But, these aren’t the only discomforts pets can suffer.

Winter walks can become downright dangerous if chemicals from ice-melting agents are licked off of bare paws.

Massaging petroleum jelly into Fido’s paw pads before going outside helps to protect them from salt and chemical agents. Moisturizing after a good toweling off helps to heal chapped paws.

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234 Stafford Park Blvd., Manahawkin, NJ • (609) 978-1202