Jesus Is... ENOUGH

SHOWBILL LIVING HOPE MINISTRIES PARK CITIES BAPTIST CHURCH, DALLAS, TEXAS NOVEMBER 6, 2021

Jesus is...

An Original, Premier Production 1

Discovering Enough Finding enough in our western world is becoming an increasing problem, and the difficulty is not about food, housing, water, or any of the other essentials of life. Unlike third-world countries, we have an abundance of necessary things to survive. The problem we have is finding enough to satisfy our soul’s longing for peace and contentment.

In our world, “a little more than you have” is the goal. We build bigger houses, cars, estates, bank accounts, networks, and just about everything, yet our souls long for more.

As a result, we are a country of gluttons. We feast on every imaginable pleasure, hoping something will satisfy our hungry souls. Pornography use is at an all-time high, while the age of first exposure is at an all-time low. We have replaced facts proven by observable reality with ideas of sexual fluidity, gender eradication, and personal determination of identity and truth. We have gone so far as to even supplant English grammatical rules with new word forms and meanings never before understood or used—all with the singular objective of attaining a feeling of being enough.

Despite our insatiable longing for more, nothing in this world can meet that need.

Why? Because we are created for something more. We are created to rule over the earth (Gen. 2:28) and bear the image of our Heavenly Father (Gen. 2:27) and, by doing so, give praise and glory to the One True God (Ps. 29:2).

As Living Hope journeys with individuals who struggle with their sense of being enough, we discover there is no satisfaction in possessions, positions, or power.

Additionally, there are no self-sufficient humans. Without a connection to community and acceptance of transcendent truth, there is no peace or contentment. At Living Hope Ministries, we help every person embrace their identity as a child of the King through community and the teaching of God’s unchanging Word.

The individual stories to follow are just a few of the individuals who found Christ to be enough. They are not perfect, nor are they sinless. They battle with significant struggles in their daily lives. They have surrendered their desire for worldly pleasures for the promises of a Savior. They have given up being the god of their life for the God who gives them life!

Living Hope is more needed today than ever. As one of the few ministries committed to journeying with people as they embrace their redeemed identities as God’s created men and women, we feel like David against a cultural Goliath. Despite the odds, we are more confident than ever that He is for us, and HE IS ENOUGH! 2

Ricky P. Chelette Executive Director

an original, premiere production

Participants in order of appearance:

Tim, Veronica, Ricky, Bonnie, Golan, Marsha, Destin, Stephen, Nicholas, Adam R., Richard, Adam, Michael, Joel, and Chris.

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Veronica - I was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and my mom had me when she was 16 and couldn’t really provide for me. My dad disappeared and didn’t want to have anything to do with us. My mom left to go to the US to make more money and left me with my grandparents who raised me and I called them mom and dad. My mom hoped to make enough money so she could get us to go to the US as well. At six, I finally made my way to the US. When I was about 11, I remember watching the television one day and somehow there were two people having sex on the TV. My aunt finally noticed it and quickly turned it off and said that we would not talk about that ever again. But I wanted to know what I saw. I wanted to know why it made me feel a certain way and I began to search for those images online. That search developed into a very serious porn addiction.

By sixth grade I realized that I was attracted to girls. I had a best friend who lived down the street and had a similar experience with porn and I suddenly began to have an attraction to her. Suddenly I realized that I wanted to be close to her forever.

At 18, I left home and was homeless for a while. I finally knew that I was supposed to go to school. I showed up at a college and just walked into the administration office and showed them everything I had and said to the lady there and said, “I know I am supposed to be here.” She started to cry and walked off. Next thing I know she came back and said you have classes now and you’ve already missed your first few days.

One day I was in church and heard a pastor teaching about homosexuality and pornography addiction and at the end of his message he said he wasn’t going to do an invitation, but simply put up a slide that said, “Living Hope Ministries” and the website and I felt the Lord touch my heart and say, this is for you. I called and started coming to Living Hope. I hadn’t talked to my mom in years at this point.

Coming to LHM forced me to stop being the Veronica everyone expected me to be. I could say I struggled and everyone understood me. Living Hope gave me a place to just be honest with others who also knew that struggle and understood where I was coming from. There was so much freedom that came from sharing about my struggle and being heard and known.

I graduated and reconnected with my mom and moved back home for a while.

I told her about my struggle, and she heard me and loved me. I still struggle at times, but I’m doing things I never imagined doing. I now have the strength to share His love with others all over the world. I’m very involved in my church and in a mission in Latvia. I don’t have all the answers, but I have found the One who does. I now know I have a Lord who loves me and is with me on this journey. I have discovered that He is enough for me.

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Bonnie Scasta White - Bonnie’s passion for women to experience the redemption available to them through a more intimate relationship with Christ is evident as she leads the Women’s ministry at Living Hope. Her journey at Living Hope began in 2009 when she joined the Friends and Family support group as she was navigating relationship with a family member struggling with their sexuality. Her disarming joy, deep compassion, and rich relationship with Christ guide her as she ministers to women weekly at our in-person meetings and mentors women all over the world through our online support community.

Bonnie has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from Texas A&M University (Gig’em Aggies!) and a Master of Arts in Christian Counseling from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Outside of Living Hope, Bonnie and her husband, Ryan, enjoy serving their church community, listening to podcasts and audio books, and spending time with their family and friends, especially all those that know them as “Aunt and Uncle”. Bonnie and Ryan are expecting their first child, Maggie, due in December. You can watch more of Bonnie’s story on video on our website.

Golan - From my earliest memory, I was taught about God and His love for me. Growing up, my parents served as missionaries in Ireland before coming back to the US. At an early age, I felt I was different than other boys and different than my father. I struggled to measure up to his perceived idea of what it meant to be a man. I was intelligent, creative, sensitive, and longed to be understood, but I lacked connection with other guys.

The next few years are a bit of a blur. We moved off the mission field, but where was home? Not back in Northern Ireland apparently, nor was it in South Carolina; maybe Texas would be where we would grow some roots? As a kid who had never lived anywhere longer than four years, I became aware of the striking differences between my family and the picture-perfect American lives I saw in the kids at the many churches we visited. I would spend the next six years of my life trying to live what I thought was a regular American teen’s life. What no one knew was that I was keeping a secret. I hoped to cure my problem with ever-increasing doses of normalcy. I wanted to go to a “regular school”; I had decided homeschooling had become unbearable.

I dreamed of having friends I could see every day, being in school plays and productions, but ultimately, having a purpose. Maybe if I could be around normal people more often, some of their normality would rub off on me. I eventually got 5

my wish; I received a full scholarship to attend North Central Texas Academy. At first, I was over the moon, but it was not long before worry set in.

My first day of school was one of those cornerstone moments that made it into the final cut of the movie Your Life: all the dread and confusion I had been feeling surfaced. What if my years of isolation, my nontraditional homeschooled education, hadn’t prepared me for the demands of high school? What if that naughty little problem was just made worse. I slowly realized I needed to stop running from who I was.

I graduated from high school at the top of my class. I was relatively popular and involved in enough extracurriculars to get into a good university. Life was maybe going to be okay, but there was still that problem that hadn’t gone away, but maybe it wasn’t going to be a problem anymore. I was, after all, going to be around people who didn’t care or perhaps even had the same problem. I might even be celebrated! But my heart was divided. On the one hand, I was excited to be myself. On the other hand, I knew it was wrong.

I lived a double life. My close friends knew I was just a little bit gay. However, I didn’t act out, and I went to church sometimes and tried to be a good son. The two sides were pulling me apart, and I had finally decided to go off and do something I could never forget, and that’s where my mind changed. I acted out, and it was a miserable experience. I knew I had to change, but how?

I was about to turn 21, my whole life ahead of me, yet I was in crisis. My plan of going off into the world never to be seen again had hit a snag. Love. You see, through all the narratives and propaganda the world had thrown my way, there was one thing they forgot: godly parents love their children. I couldn’t get away from that fact. While the world told me my parents would hate me for who I was, I knew something else in my heart. I came out to both my parents, and they were shocked, but they didn’t respond in hate. They loved me. I knew they would.

I got in touch with Living Hope and decided to move into the Hope House. The year-long program helped me see the lies, wounds, and hurts I so desperately tried to cover. I grew as a man and as a follower of God. My struggle continues, and there are days I wonder whether I am making the right decision. My faith is weak, but God tells me I am loved even in my doubts.

God tells me I am His when I need someone. God tells me he has purpose when I don’t know what that will be. God tells me He knows me when I don’t feel heard or seen. I’m learning that He can and will meet the needs of my heart if I let Him. His love is enough for me -- for everyone.

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Destin - I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were devoted followers of Jesus, and I never had to face any moments where I felt like I was missing something or didn’t have everything I needed. I thought Christians never suffered because God was with them. I soon discovered I was wrong.

When I was 8, my mom passed away from breast cancer.

I’ll be honest, when that happened, it wasn’t comforting to hear, “it’s part of God’s plan,” or “God is still watching over you.” I wasn’t thinking to myself, “Wow, God sure is enough for me this morning.” How many days do I wake up wishing I could have even one more day with her? How do you meaningfully tell a child who’s weeping over his mother’s grave that God is somehow enough for him?

At age 11, my struggle with same-sex attraction began to manifest. What started as an innocent curiosity quickly grew into the strangling grip of pornography addiction. Strangely, it filled the hole created by loss and my belief that life was not dependable. As the addiction to porn grew captivating, I was left momentarily satisfied but ultimately empty. I always had to go back. Each time, I had to find something new and exciting or more extreme, or it just didn’t feel like it was good enough.

I hid the addiction, and I hid my attractions. I hid the google searches to answer the question, “Am I gay?” I wondered how I’d ever measure up to the standard of other guys. How can I be as manly as him? What if I had a brother? Would things be different? Why can’t I make myself lust after a girl? I also wondered, do they still like me? Am I a letdown to my dad? Does he wish he had a different son?

Would mom love me if she knew? Why doesn’t God fix me? What do I have to do to make sure people will love me?... In other words, am I enough?

I seemed perfect on the outside. I pleased the adults in my life, I knew God and my Bible, I had excellent grades, and yet, my secret sin slowly destroyed my soul.

Finally, I told someone about my struggle with same-sex attraction in my late teens, and they introduced me to Living Hope. For the first time in my life, I heard stories of other Christian men fighting against their attraction to other men. For the first time, I didn’t feel different or judged for my attractions. I felt loved and accepted. Living Hope treated me with grace and understanding.

I still struggle with feeling inadequate; I feel like I have to fight to keep people’s affection, not God’s love. He can take a screwed up, sensitive homeschooler who lost his mom to cancer as a child, discovered gay porn as a preteen, was tormented by his secrets in high school, and weekly, still must confess how he’s attracted to men, and bring him to a place in his life where he can share his tes7

timony that he’s not the man the devil hoped he’d grow up to be. In the hands of a master craftsman, every piece is purposeful. Any piece is enough for God, and God is enough for any piece of work like me. I struggle with that statement every day. The guys at Living Hope can tell you. At times I struggle to believe God is better than my desire to be with a man. But Living Hope walks with me through those rough patches, and they remind me how far God has brought me and that God has saved me for a purpose. The battle continues, but God’s victory is assured. Resting in His Truth, I must believe God is enough.

Stephen - My attraction to men started as early as I can remember. As a boy, I regularly daydreamed about men who would affirm me and love me. In my struggle to find worth, I turned to men to speak value into me. Sports and school were arenas in which I could prove my worth to men.

MVP awards were common in those days and the applause of coaches was music to my ears. The praise of men was my fuel for living. Men held the truth—at least in my mind they did—and if I could perform well, they would speak that truth over me and I would be seen as worthy. But baseball games and good grades were soon not enough. I wanted someone who would come close to me and see my flaws and yet remain.

Despite my religious upbringing, Jesus was not the savior I ran to in those days. I knew that Christ did not want me to continue down the path of lust and fantasy. But He was not satisfying my feelings like I wanted Him to. I needed someone who would not fail me. In the end, my desire for affirmation from men triumphed over my love for Jesus and I looked for a savior in other areas. As a result, I began my long-lasting struggle with pornography during my high school years. Here were saviors who would affirm me when and how I wanted. I spent many nights begging God for forgiveness for my sin. For years, I was caught in this cycle. My mind knew the promises of Christ, but my carnal feelings were in control. I understood the words of Paul in Romans 7, “Who will deliver me from this body of death?”

In 2013, I discovered the answer to Paul’s and my question. I was well into my college career and living at home when one afternoon my Dad approached me regarding some internet history that alarmed him. I was embarrassed and at the same time incredibly relieved when I confessed my struggle with homosexuality.

I was in the light. The Holy Spirit was pursuing me and was starting the process of healing.

My parents had no idea what to do and I was just as clueless as they were. Praise God for ministries like Living Hope that help discouraged people find hope in Christ. I did not know it at the time, but God was about to do mighty things in my life during my time at Living Hope. Soon after my conversation with my 8

Dad, I somewhat reluctantly set up a meeting with Ricky. I agreed to start attending weekly Living Hope meetings.

After my first LHM meeting, I realized that this was going to be unlike anything I had ever experienced. Ricky mentioned topics that I had never heard addressed by a speaker. The guys in my discussion group openly confessed to sin to which they had become addicted. The small group leaders asked pointed questions that caused me to tense up. This openness and honesty was foreign to a guy who grew up constantly trying to hide weaknesses to prove his worth.

One of the things that took me most off guard about those first Living Hope meetings was that Ricky kept repeating that the answer to homosexual sin (or any sin for that matter) was Jesus Christ. Every week I was reminded that the answer to our brokenness is found in our Savior who cares for the brokenhearted and binds up their scars. Intellectually, I understood this call, but I was not willing to acknowledge the extent of my brokenness. By the power of the Spirit, it started to sink in. After the first few months, my cool and confident facade started to wear thin.

One night, Ricky stepped into our small group of guys and simply said, “God loves you.” Three simple words. But by the Spirit’s power, something clicked in my mind and suddenly worth and identity were within my reach.

This worth was not from a man and this identity was not wrapped up in my performance. Rather than finding affirmation in the men on my computer screen or from the cheers from the stands, this value was from my Creator, the God of the universe. God cut right through my fake righteousness and saw the hurting boy desperate for approval. He knew that my craving for worth and identity could not be found in men, but only in his Son. My brothers at Living Hope had been modeling this identity in Christ from my first day with the group. Instead of thinking that confession makes them weak, they admitted to sin, knowing that Christ makes them righteous. Rather than hiding their failures and shortcomings, they disclosed defeat because they understood that victory was won by Jesus over two thousand years ago. Instead of manufacturing worth through accomplishments, they confessed their worthlessness so that Christ’s worth could be seen. Because of the example set by these men, I realized that I could live confidently as a humble recipient of God’s grace.

The truth of God’s grace and love has been re-defining my life for the past seven years: that the God of the Bible is the greatest joy in life. The good news of His grace is filled with eternal hope; His love is never-ending; His law is perfect and more desirable than riches or comfort. I have tasted and seen that He is good and I cannot be satisfied with anything else. And now my words echo the words that Peter spoke to Jesus in John 6:68, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Jesus Christ is enough!

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Nicholas - I have struggled with same-sex attraction for as long as I can remember. Most (if not all) of my desires for romantic love have been solely for men. I believe that these desires are outside of Jesus’ biblical design, so these feelings were an object of shame growing up. I heard of no one who dealt with these feelings, so they also were a source of isolation. However, in 2015, I became a part of Living Hope Ministries.

Being at Living Hope has redefined my view of the words “church” and “grace.” For most of my life, the church was a place where people struggled invisibly--it was a place for people to be on their best (or at least better) behavior. To be a believer meant you were finished repenting, and through with messing up. However, from my first night at Living Hope, I saw a part of the church body that functioned differently. There are no walls to hide behind at Living Hope: you were there because you are struggling. In a way, by simply arriving at group, you were disclosing your “deepest, darkest secret” to everyone else. However, by admitting defeat, you were also accepting surrender.

At LHM, there is a profound recognition of our dependence on Christ’s power and help in a lifelong struggle. Living Hope’s culture of transparency and surrender has fundamentally shaped my idea of what it looks like to be a part of a church family. It showed me that as you begin to increase the awareness of your sin, it also increases your awareness and seriousness of God’s amazing grace.

In the same way that Living Hope redefined what I thought about church, it also opened my eyes to a deeper understanding of God’s grace for me. Growing up, I believed in a list of “unforgivable sins”: drug abuse, incarceration, infidelity, etc.

So you can imagine my surprise during my first nights at group when guys were openly admitting to their struggles with masturbation and casual hook-ups. I was shocked! But what surprised me more was the understanding and forgiveness that met these confessions; nothing fazed our leaders. I suppose I theoretically knew about God’s unconditional love, but LHM was a place that didn’t just state a belief in unconditional love; they incarnated it. People listened to me as Jesus would; gave me eye contact; nodded their heads in understanding, and encouraged me with Truth.

Living Hope is the first place I felt safe to talk about my struggles with pornography, daddy issues, and sexual fantasies. These were things I never thought I’d share with anyone. But Living Hope was where I stopped simply acknowledging God’s grace and started living under it. I honestly can’t say where I might be if a place like Living Hope didn’t exist.

Additionally, LHM has ministered to my whole family: My older brother found LHM before I did and has been loved, supported, and grown so much because 10

of them. My parents have also discovered support at LHM, connecting with the friends and family group and other same-sex-attracted people. Also, I have been honored to connect friends who’ve come out to me, with the ministry of LHM. This is the kind of home I have found at Living Hope. It is a place where I we all know we are not enough, but Jesus is enough!

Adam R. - Adam came to LHM in 2016 seeking guidance and support after living a double life: church-goer and worship leader on Sundays, and hooking up with men on other nights. Finally coming to the end of himself by admitting that any pursuit of his same sex attraction would never lead to any lasting fulfillment, Adam reached out to Living Hope for help and direction. He would never have imagined how God would use his time at Living Hope to help him find his way back to a real relationship with Christ and then be able to encourage others struggling with their sexuality. God continually overwhelms him with grace and mercy as he uses his testimony to impact others. In late 2017, Adam began leading Living Hope’s Hope House, a one year, highly accountable, discipleship program for young men between the ages of 18-26 who are seeking to discover who they are as men of God. Adam also assists in the men’s ministry as a small group leader.

Adam has a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from East Texas Baptist University and a Master’s degree in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington. In his down time, Adam enjoys sketching in his sketchbook, playing the piano and singing, working in the yard, and spending time with friends telling stories. You can watch more of Adam’s story on video on our website.

Marsha and Richard Inman Marsha and Richard discovered Living Hope in 2007 to find help in responding redemptively to their son who had come out as gay. They both benefited greatly by participating in the Friends and Family support group, learning how to balance love for their son while holding to a Biblical sexual ethic. Soon Marsha and Richard would be leading the Friends and Family group to help other parents and loved ones stay connected to their family members or friends while holding to God’s truth revealed in His Word. They encourage friends and family to know that Jesus is enough, even if their story is unresolved.

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In 2010, LHM invited Marsha to be part-time office staff as Ministry Associate for Development, exploring new funding opportunities through foundational support and other fundraising efforts. Recently, her role and title have changed to Friends and Family Director. She will continue to work on fundraising efforts and other projects and serves as a contact person for Friends and Family members who connect with Living Hope through the local support group or online.

Marsha has a Bachelor of Arts in English and Biblical Archaeology and a Master’s degree in English. Richard holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting, a Master’s Degree in Business, and is a retired CPA. Besides their work at Living Hope, they are both involved in serving at their church by leading Bible Studies and as lay counselors for Soul Care. Marsha is also a Regional Administrator and luncheon speaker for Stonecroft Ministries. When they are not serving somewhere, they enjoy entertaining and spending time with family and friends. You can see and hear more of Marsha and Richard’s story on our podcast,HopeCast, or Marsha’s story on video on our website.

Michael - Even though I grew up in the church, many family and external issues played into my same-sex attraction. After being sexually abused at age 5, I remember feeling different from other boys, especially during adolescence. I had this misguided understanding that gaining the approval or acceptance of another male included sex. Even though I did not want sex, it was the hook that would not let go of me.

In college and early adulthood, I could not stop the constant pull of my same-sex attraction. I came to Dallas straight out of college in the early eighties. After several years of living a double life, more in the gay lifestyle than not, I came to a crisis point where I thought I had found “the man!”

He had kids, a love for Jesus, and me. This man would take care of my desire for a family, and I thought that maybe God could use me to show the world that being gay was okay with Him. This man soon rejected me for fear that I would leave him to make my own family with a woman. That sent me into a dark and downward spiral.

While seeking therapy to understand what to do about my situation, My therapist introduced me to Living Hope Ministries. That was some 30 years ago, and LHM had just begun. For the first time in my life, I found hope. I always wanted to be married to a woman and have a family. However, I had no idea how to reconcile that desire with my SSA. Now I had found a community that helped me understand my struggle and find support as I had never before. Several years later, I left LHM after finding a church community that loved and accepted me 12

and chose to walk with me on my journey. I began to trust God more deeply, to believe in and redeem the man God created in me. In the church, I met my wife, dated, married, and raised our children. But now, some 29 years into my journey, our culture inside and outside the church was changing. Through a series of difficulties within the church and in our lives, I found myself feeling alone, unsupported, and questioning again who I was and how God had created and viewed me. So here I am back at LHM, seeking a like-minded community of men who deal with SSA but desire not to be defined by or surrender to it. I am thankful for LHM and am so grateful to be back in the ministry.

Adam - Growing up in a Baptist home in deep south Louisiana, I quickly developed a strong sense of right and wrong. Not only were lines clearly drawn in church and at home, but the culture around me most often saw political, social, and spiritual issues in black and white.

Homosexuality, in particular, was condemned from the pulpit on Sunday to the bleachers for Friday night football.

Other sins were bad but forgivable. However, being gay, or struggling with same-sex attraction, was an abomination that sent you straight to Hell.

Masculinity was also strictly defined by working with your hands, hunting, fishing, sports, not showing your emotions, and definitely not being involved in “sissy stuff ” like the arts.

In 4th grade, I began realizing my attraction to the same sex. Generally, 10-yearolds don’t experience attractions as most are prepubescent. My story was different as I was a victim of child-on-child sexual abuse at that young age. Another boy, a couple of years older than me, stole my innocence and introduced my mind to sexuality prematurely. I knew what had happened was wrong but didn’t know how to deal with it, so I tried to bury it so deep within myself that it would never surface.

For years I was a captive to the turmoil in my head. I believed I was disqualified from the saving grace of Christ, doomed to know that salvation exists for the lost, but not for me. There was seldom a Sunday in my country church that I wasn’t at the altar or in my pew begging God to make me “normal.” I watched how the church treated individuals who struggle with homosexuality and listened to how they lashed out at the “degenerates” with their words. Was that how they would see me and treat me?

As I got older, my insecurities and weak faith became clinical anxiety and depression, later leading to suicidal thoughts. On my 27th birthday, I sat on my bed, 13

crying, with a bottle of prescription pills in my hand. I was debating whether or not to down them all and end my life and struggle, but God had different plans.

That night, I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to speak my pain to another believer who could walk beside me in this struggle and guide me to a place where I could find help. I needed individuals who were compassionate and looked at me with redemptive eyes. He answered my prayers and led me to Living Hope Ministries. That night after praying, I stumbled across a YouTube video featuring our own Ricky Chelette and knew I needed to hear more from that man.

I reached out to the ministry and moved to DFW to join the Hope House, a livein discipleship program. My stay wasn’t easy for the leaders or me and far from perfect. Barriers filled my mind, and I had to destroy the enemy’s strongholds, surrendering them to God. I was stubborn for six months but eventually reached a breakthrough. I finally understood that God loves me despite my failures and shortcomings. He wasn’t defined by the systems of thought I grew up in or even by the people who bear His name. He is who He says He is, and I am who He says I am.

Two years later, I’m still learning to trust Him more and learning to live in authentic covenant relationships with other believers. I’m now working on my Master’s degree in counseling to help others. I praise God for the work He has done in me. He is faithful, and He will complete what He has started. He isn’t looking for me to perform to earn His approval. He is looking for me to believe the promise that I am His beloved son, an image-bearer, and with Him, I am enough.

Joel - I didn’t grow up in a Christian family, but I did grow up in a very financially privileged Hispanic family. My mother’s family owned a business and were able to support us well. I was a very charismatic boy, and my mom’s family would always tell me that I acted gay like my dad’s youngest brother. From then on, I always felt different from other boys. It made me insecure at a very young age, and it also made me hate myself.

Because my dad was gone, I was very vulnerable as a child, and I never felt anyone protected me. Add to that the abuse of my grandfather and exposure to pornography at a very young age, and I soon had a porn addiction. I noticed that as time went on, I was more interested in the men than the women.

When I was eight, my father remarried, and I felt very abandoned by him. He seemed to forget about me, my brother, and my sister for his new family.

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It was expected to work at my family’s business, and I did, but it was not my passion. I wanted to do ballet and cheerleading, and my mom told me that only “faggot men” did that kind of stuff. It seemed to confirm the names they were already calling me in school and how different I was than other people.

My mother remarried and divorced several more times. Her husbands were usually physically and mentally abusive to me. My mother was quick to tell me I was an ungrateful child, and she had done everything for me. My dysfunction was growing stronger.

At the age of 12, I had a family member who had a dance company. I remember I wanted to be part of her dance group. Since she was a family member, she convinced my mom to let me join her dance company. I finally got to be part of a Folklorico dance company. It wasn’t ballet, but it was dance, and I loved movement and music.

I finally got into a ballet workshop at 13 at a local community college. All the others in the workshop were 10-15 years older than me, and most of them were gay men. I was listening to their conversations and watched as they kissed their boyfriends. I knew it was taboo, but I was curious and oddly drawn to it.

I only had one friend as a teen, and we hung out all the time. One day we started watching porn and decided to experiment on each other doing what we had seen in porn. I felt guilt and shame and vowed we would never talk about it.

In my later teens, I continued in dance and often went to summer camps and workshops. The instructor there would often touch me and say derogatory things to me; some of the older guys would also touch me and mess around with me. I just thought it was normal and what you do.

At 18, I moved out of my mothers’ house and lived life as I chose. I partied, had sex with guys, and became a club kid. The older men in the clubs took me in. I felt I had VIP access to everything, and in many ways, I did. Drugs, alcohol, connections, parties, you name it. I was empowered and accepted, and these older men were father figures in my life as they mentored me.

At 19, I met this girl. I don’t know what it was about her, but we just caught each other’s eye, and she seemed nice. She kept inviting me over to her family’s house on Friday night for dinner that they called “Shabbat.” I didn’t know what that was, but I went and later would go about my usual partying with my gay friends, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I knew they were Christians and where they stood in their faith, and they knew I was gay, but they never judged me or made me feel ostracized. They made me feel loved.

In 2011, I was dating this guy whose parents were on leadership at a local church.

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Their son would always talk about his parents not accepting his lifestyle. His mom and dad took us out to eat one day. All I remember is his father speaking life into me, and he told me, “God has a purpose for both of you. The devil is robbing you both of a wife and lineage.” My heart was pierced by his words.

On the way back from dinner, I told my boyfriend, I don’t want to be with you anymore, and I need to get away and process everything. That night, lying in my bed in my apartment, I asked God, “Do you love me? Is this who I am? If not, please show me who I am supposed to be.”

The next day I went back to my boyfriend’s parent’s house and told them I was done living as a homosexual, and I wanted to give my life to the Lord. They led me to say the sinner’s prayer and I surrendered my life to Christ Jesus. They began crying and told me this gave them hope for their son.

Days later, I called my friend and told her I gave my life to the Lord and I didn’t want to live this lifestyle anymore. She told me how she and her family had been praying for me since 2007. She even said there were people all around the world were praying for my freedom and salvation.

My friend gave me the contact of Ricky Chelette and Living Hope Ministries.

Ricky did the infamous whiteboard talk. It all made sense and I felt all the pieces had connected.

I continued to attend Living Hope and learned so much. I learned it’s not about becoming a “straight man.” It’s about loving Yeshua [Jesus] and establishing a relationship with Him. I remember the leadership at Living Hope, loving me where I was. I know I was a dramatic mess, but they continued to speak life into me and walk with me in my brokenness.

Eventually, I decided to enter the Hope House. I loved being in a community with other men fighting for faithfulness and righteousness.

After my time in the Hope House in the Fall of 2014, I started having romantic feelings for my friend, Xaundelle, and we both decided to pray about pursuing each other. It became evident that God was directing our paths together. We got married in December 2015, and it was the best day of my life! Today, I also have a beautiful daughter, who is a dancing diva and the apple of my eye. I never thought any of this was possible.

I am currently a small group leader with LHM. I continue to encourage men to embrace God’s identity and calling in their lives. He will meet us where we are and be enough for us.

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Chris - I grew up with a very acute sense of being different. I had friends, did well in school, was raised in the church, and was generally a good kid in my childhood. But despite that, I had a constant fear that I wasn’t “enough.”

That I just didn’t fit in.

This sense of inadequacy found a unique expression in my attractions when I was about 10. My desires to be affirmed by other males turned sexual when I first stumbled across internet pornography. I knew something was wrong when I felt a pull towards boys and not girls like “normal” boys.

Shame started to eat at me. I became a Christian at 12, but it did not eradicate my disordered desires and shame. I prayed and prayed for my sexuality to be like other guys, and I wanted to feel good enough.

God didn’t take my attractions away. So I struggled alone, in isolation, for years. I built facades of achievements to mask my inadequacies. I excelled in academics, was very involved at church, made varsity on the tennis team, and went to state competitions for percussion. I even tried my hand at dating a girl in my senior year of high school. None of it changed my feelings. I felt stuck.

In college, I opened up to people about my struggles. One of the guys I opened up to ended up also being same-sex attracted. Our friendship turned into emotional dependency and eventually imploded. Hurt and confused, I decided to take this secret with me to the grave. That sent me deeper into my isolation, trying to mask my homosexuality by building higher and higher walls and earning approval from God and men. I knew I was a Christian this whole time, but I couldn’t reconcile my experience with my theology.

I graduated college and moved to Dallas for work. Alone and in a large new city, I knew I needed to get help or I would go down dark paths. After a few awkward google searches, I stumbled across Living Hope, and I reached out.

I met with Ricky for an intake and talked about things that I had never discussed with anyone. He drew my life on a whiteboard, and it made sense. The following week I showed up to the in-house group terrified of what I would find. But what I found was the lifeline I desperately needed.

The small group leaders were SO compassionate. The small group leader reminded us there is more to life than just our struggle.

I had high walls built around my emotional life, but that didn’t fool anyone in the group. Eventually, I started opening up about my life and struggle; people saw me as a whole person. More importantly, no one judged me. I now had a place where 17

I knew I could be honest and always met with love and truth. At Living Hope, the people had become friends as we walked together towards Jesus. I found a refuge in Living Hope Ministries, and I was all in.

I eventually moved into the Hope House and went through the discipleship program. I was falling deeper in love with Jesus Christ. I started to believe in a God who wasn’t afraid of my questions, and I was learning to put my faith into practice. God met me in so many ways during those years. But I still wrestled with the idea that I wasn’t good enough.

Years passed, and the Chris who showed up in Ricky’s office was nothing like the new Chris. I was far more confident in myself as a man and as a follower of Jesus.

Still, I wondered why my attractions persisted. I also started to get very frustrated in my career. My community at my church was unsatisfying despite the investments I made in the group. I was tired, lonely, confused, and a little angry that God didn’t give me the life I wanted. I thought, “if this is where obedience gets me, then it’s not worth it.” It felt like God was withholding His best from me.

Frustration turned to anger. Anger turned to bitterness. And my bitterness became a “foothold for the devil” (Ephesians 4:27). I started to isolate myself from my church community. The people at Living Hope loved me in that season, but eventually, I didn’t want to be there. I even remember responding to a text message from Ricky by saying, “Hey, I’m sorry, but I just can’t talk to you right now because I know you’re going to talk about God, and I don’t really want to think about Him.” Without that accountability, I was alone. I stopped striving. It’s no surprise that before too long, I started acting out. At first, it was just “talking” to guys on dating apps. I tried to set boundaries, but the boundaries always ended up moving because sin is never satisfied. In those moments, it felt like I was finally receiving the affirmation I wanted. But it was all so fake and shallow and never lasted beyond the moment. I was using those guys, but I convinced myself it felt better than being alone.

I was more miserable than ever, and I knew the path I was walking didn’t lead to life. I missed Jesus.The lament of Peter from John 6:63 echoed in my mind, “Lord, where else should we go? You alone have the words of eternal life.”

Exactly a year from when I last attended Living Hope, I reached out to Ricky again. He showed me so much love and grace (no surprise there). I started attending the in-house group again. The guys at in-house welcomed me back, and it felt like seeing family again. They graciously gave me space to heal.

Living Hope walked with me as I processed through how I had doubted God’s 18

goodness and how I had rejected God’s definition of good and evil. How, just like Adam and Eve had in the garden, I questioned if God’s boundaries for my life were actually for my good. Slowly, the Holy Spirit taught me to trust God’s goodness, and that God was enough.

Feeling emotionally and spiritually healthy, I sensed God moving me home to be closer to friends and family. My last days in DFW were at Living Hope’s 2019 retreat. Both Ricky and Bonnie shared teachings that will forever be with me and helped me process and grieve through the experiences of the past years.

Once I moved home, I plugged into a church, found a community, and started serving. This time it was motivated out of joy instead of self-protection.

God led me to start attending seminary. That semester I met Ashley, a beautiful woman of God, and we have been dating for the last seven months. Before we started dating, I told her about my same-sex attraction and that I was not dating her so she would somehow solve my same-sex attraction. God brought me to a place to trust that His ways are better than my own, and if that meant pursuing her, then I was all for it.

I recently started leading my church’s young adult ministry. In my first teaching, I spoke on the goodness of God. Honestly, I’m scared to think of what my life would have looked like had it not been for Living Hope. God used Living Hope Ministries in ways I may never fully comprehend. But one thing I know I learned is that God is truly enough for me - enough for me to have hope, enough for me to find peace, enough for me!

Bruno Borges - Bruno originally became involved with Living Hope as he began dating his wife, Giselle. Living Hope Ministries became a lifeline to both Bruno and Giselle as they navigated his own struggle with same-sex attraction and their growing relationship. Both are from Brazil but lived in New York before coming to Texas to be a part of what God is doing at LHM. Bruno has a Bachelor of Science in Nonprofit Management from Mercy College, a Master of Arts in Education from CUNY Hunter College, and is currently pursuing his Ph.D. in Family Ministry and Generational Studies at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Bruno serves as our Men’s Minister and Director of Operations after years of experience as a missionary with Operation Mobilization, as an educator in the public school system, and serving as an Executive Minister at PIB Family Church in New York. All of this gives him the experience to keep Living Hope orga19

nized and make sure ministry happens. He and Giselle have been married for 11 years and have three beautiful children, so his extra time is spent going on daddy-daughter dates, riding scooters with his son, and spending time with friends.

Learn more about Burno’s story on his video found on our website.

Michael & Jennifer McFarlane - Michael and Jennifer became involved in the Family and Friends part of Living Hope in 2012 when a family member came out to them as gay. The support, encouragement and prayers they received gave them renewed hope and a desire to share the help they had received with others. As much as they valued participation in the Arlington in-house support group, regular involvement was difficult because of distance. Mike and Jen were instrumental in the founding of the Living Hope Denton satellite, where they serve as its volunteer Directors.

Michael graduated from Colorado State University with a Bachelor’s degree in Animal Science. He served in the Airforce for 7.5 years and as a commercial pilot for the past 33 years. Jennifer has a Bachelor’s degree from Trinity University in San Antonio in English and taught a year in public schools and then homeschooled her two children for eight years. Michael and Jennifer have served in their local church for 33 years. They have led Bible studies, discipled young couples, done pre-marital coaching, served on a Christian school board and hosted many get-togethers in their home. Michael has coupled his love of mentoring young men with his love of cooking on the grill. Jennifer has served as a leader in Bible Study Fellowship, mentored college girls and young mothers.

Learn more about Michael and Jennifer’s story in their video on our website.

Donate online to support the worldwide impact of

Living Hope Ministries

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Ricky Chelette - As Executive Director since 2006, Ricky’s vision, leadership, compassion and passion for truth has helped Living Hope Ministries grow and expand amidst a culture often antagonistic to its mission. Before joining Living Hope Ministries, Ricky served the Lord as a single adult/outreach pastor, youth pastor, and education minister in churches in Louisiana and Texas. He even used his gifts of singing and teaching to travel the US performing gospel concerts.

Ricky is also intimately acquainted with same-sex attraction as he experienced decades of childhood sexual abuse. His struggle almost costs him his life as he tried to kill himself when his struggles wouldn’t go away. God used that neardeath experience to redirect his life and demonstrate the power of the gospel to save and heal. God’s grace overwhelmed Ricky’s life. Ricky was determined to use his woundings to display God’s wonders of healing and hope, and Ricky’s passion for ministry was born.

Ricky was one of the founders of LHM’s online support forums and was instrumental in establishing satellites of LHM in Denton and Houston. Ricky holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science/ Pre-Law, A Master of Arts in Religious Education, is an ordained minister, and has taught at seminaries, colleges, and universities in addition to speaking throughout the US and around the world. While serving as executive director, Ricky concurrently serves on the pastoral staff at First Baptist Church, Arlington, TX as a part of the pastoral team.

Over his nearly forty years in ministry, Ricky has experience speaking to and journeying with thousands of men, women, and friends and family of those struggling with gender and identity confusion. Ricky enjoys traveling, cooking, painting, writing, reading, and seeing people’s lives transformed by Jesus. His real passions are teaching the Word of God, serving the church and her people, and hosting folks at his house for his gourmet meals. Ricky was joyously married for thirty years to the late Merlinda Allen Chelette, who went to be with her Savior in April 17, 2019.

HOPE HOUSE A one-year, high accountability, discipleship program designed to help young men18-26 years old experience God, grow in their understanding of who you are as a man of God and gain knowledge and insight in becoming a world-changer. livehope.org/hope-house 21

RESOURCES:

IN-PERSON SUPPORT FOR MEN, WOMEN, FRIENDS & FAMILY, AND WIVES

ONE-ON-ONE

MENTORING MEET WITH ONE OF OUR STAFF FOR PASTORAL ENCOURAGEMENT & MENTORING

EQUIPPING CHURCHES TO RESPOND BIBLICALLY AND REDEMPTIVELY TO THE LGBTQIA+ COMMUNITY 22

Contact us info@livehope.org

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