2015 Living Hope Ministry Magazine

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Contents Welcome Home Prodigal............................................ 3 We are Asking............................................................ 4 Is the Church a Home................................................. 5

BOARD OF DIRECTORS

New Location, Same Hope......................................... 6

Rev. Bob Stith Chairman of the Board

God is Bigger.............................................................. 8

Sue Bohlin Secretary of the Board

Alone No Longer....................................................... 10

Larry Forkner

A Son in the Far Country......................................... 12

Rev. Darrel Auvenshire Dr. Brock Faulkner

At the Breaking Point............................................... 15

Michael McFarlane

Living Out Our Mission........................................... 16

Rev. Ricky Chelette Executive Director

The God Who Rescues.............................................. 18

STAFF

The Power to Change................................................ 21

Rev. Ricky Chelette Executive Director

My Deceptive Reflection........................................... 23

D’Ann Davis Women’s Ministry Director

Whose #LoveWins?................................................... 24

Sam Parrish Campus Director, LHM Charleston

Temptation to Transformation................................ 26

Amanda Assistant to the Executive Director

The Freedom of Radical Surrender.......................... 27

Bonnie Asstant to the Director of Women’s Ministry

Raising A Sensitive Son............................................ 28

Marsha Grant Writter Chris Media Director livehope.org

Our Mission

817.459.2507 PO Box 2239 Arlington, TX 76004

Living Hope Ministries seeks to proclaim God’s truth as we journey with those seeking sexual and relational wholeness through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

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Living Hope Ministries is a non-profit, non-denominational, 501(c)3 organization.

All gifts and donations are tax deductable. © 2015 Living Hope Ministries, Inc. All writes reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part must cite Living Hope Ministries, author’s name when given, and www.livehope.org.

Welcome Home

By Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

Prodigal location, but are excited to see what God is planning to do in this location as well.

What a year this has been: Supreme Court legalized gay “marriage” in all 50 states. Bruce Jenner to Caitlyn. Transgender, the new gay. Gender differences eliminated. Church massacre in South Carolina. Gender neutral bathrooms. Ashley Madison.

These are just some of the new realities in which Christ-followers find ourselves. It is a world that could hardly be imagined by our great grandparents, but it is the world in which we live.

All of our satellites have been the result of God’s movement in the hearts and lives of pastors and individuals who asked LHM to establish the satellite in their location. We have not sought out a single location. God presented a need. People recognized the need. And God led them to ask LHM to train, equip, and enter into relationship with them to be a satellite of what we do in Arlington, TX. God is good!

In the midst of this ever-moving and often illogical world, the Gospel continues to herald an unchanging message in our everchanging times. Confident in the Gospel, Living Hope continues to journey with those who are seeking sexual and relational wholeness through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. We are devoted to proclaiming the Gospel and discipling individuals to become more like Jesus in every aspect of their lives.

As these satellites grow they will require additional funding, staffing, resources, and your prayers. Additionally, we continue to grow as a ministry. Just take a look at the reach LHM has from our infographic on pages 16-17. We have answered over 560 inquiries through our website and over 2,000 other phone calls and emails. We have presented at 50 churches, seminaries, schools, and groups to tens of thousands of people across the United States. Our online ministry has over 8,300 members with nearly 1,000,000 posts and continues to add people daily.

At Living Hope Ministries (LHM), we continue to see the fruit of the Gospel’s redemptive work. We see prodigals transformed by the Gospel as they walk away from lies and embrace God’s truth. We see families reunited, marriages restored, relationships mended and new life emerge as they embrace their true identities in Christ. The pages of this magazine are filled with prodigal stories – stories of life-transforming redemption! It is our story.

Our Hope House continues to offer help to young, prodigal men who are interested in deeper discipleship and accountability.

But the Hope House, purchased in 2002, is in need of some repairs. We need to replace the roof ($6,000), remodel four bathrooms ($20,000), and replace flooring throughout ($8,000).

We know the days ahead for Living Hope are likely treacherous. We know what we do and what we proclaim is controversial and even despised. We have even been warned it may soon become illegal to proclaim our mission and ministry.

But what we do is really nothing new. It is the same message of the Gospel that has been proclaimed throughout history. Like the early church, we will stand in Christ, we will proclaim His truth, and we will grow, undaunted by the opposition of culture.

We also hope to make this year a year of resources. We want to take the lessons learned over 26 years of ministry to create resources to help those who are struggling and those who love them. We want to provide help for parents to be proactive in their engagement with children who are questioning their sexuality.

We want to provide resources for churches to redemptively respond to this issue with grace and truth. We want to continue to provide resources that help individuals grow in their relationship with Christ and know who they are in Him and how they can live full and joyous lives as God’s created men and women!

Just this past June we started our third satellite ministry, LH Charleston, SC (others are in College Station and Denton, TX). Invited and funded by a consortium of churches across denominational lines, it is led by full-time campus director, Samuel Parrish. Sam is already speaking in churches and making inroads to secure trust, enlist leaders, build relationships and lay the ground work for the launch of support groups.

We are excited about the future. As we look to the future, we see prodigals who are being drawn back to the Father seeking hope and truth. We ask you to pray for us, for the protection of the ministry, and all our participants. We ask that you pray the Lord will give us favor and provide the resources and personnel we need to accomplish the opportunities God is presenting us.

As our world entices people towards prodigal living, the need for LHM only grows. We are looking to the horizon and preparing a feast for all those coming home! We hope you will pray for us, support us, and join us in welcoming home the prodigals.

We have also secured our fourth satellite, LH Houston, in Friendswood, TX. Friendswood Community Church, pastored

by Rev. Rick Baldwin, has long been a strategic partner with LHM and has graciously raised the money for a full time staff person to lead the ministry. Training has already begun. We plan to launch LH Houston in early 2016.

There is also a fifth satellite possibility, LH Indiana. We are currently in the early stages of logistics and training for this

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By D’Ann Davis, Director of Women’s Ministry On my desk sits a stack of coral colored post-it notes. These notes have little value in themselves, but what they represent bears great meaning for the Women’s Ministry at Living Hope.

They will bear the names of our very own prodigals.

for their repentance and for their return. We ask that they might come to themselves as the prodigal son does and come back to the Lord who saves them and the ministry who loves them. We plead. We seek. We ask. We will continue to ask.

If we have seen anything at Living Hope over the years, it is that sexual and relational brokenness is difficult to overcome.

The far away country’s cries ring loudly in the ears of our beloved women. Remembrance of the stench of the pigsty fades, as do memories of how painful Egypt really was. Sin and temptation beckon. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Along the way we do lose some of our women to the broad path of destruction.

We have started praying this next year will be a year of revival and restoration of old members we have lost along the way. After years of praying we have seen our first couple of women return, tired from the empty promises and broken relationships of the far away land. We are starting to see fruit from our prayers, and we are asking for more. More fruit, more women, more reconciliation. We are asking in faith, believing He is faithful and loves these women more than we ever could. Will you pray and ask with us, that God might draw the sheep, reveal the coin, and bring home our daughters?

But we do not lose heart, and we do not forget them. When a woman is a daughter of the King, she is still a daughter regardless of her location. Near or far she will always be His, and thus we pray to that effect. Every month or so for the last several years we have taken out a stack of post-its with the names of those who have ventured into the far away land. And we ask. We ask

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8

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IS THE CHURCH A HOME?

By Rev. Bob Stith, Chairman of the Board Prodigal. What comes to mind when you hear that word? Is there someone who comes to mind?

In the case of the second mother I suggested a couple of churches in her city I believed to be solid conservative churches.

She me wrote back saying that she knew that this church was not a safe place to confess one’s struggles.

The reality is we all are or have been prodigals. All who are in Christ have been welcomed home by a loving Father. We should never forget that – or the wonder of it.

Several years ago a mother told me of going to the associate pastor of a prominent Southern Baptist church seeking help for her son. With this family sitting before him he said that they didn’t have “that problem” at this church. Not only was someone with “that problem” sitting there, with several thousand members they assuredly had many more with “that problem.”

I have often said over the last 21 years that the men and women of Living Hope are my heroes. One reason for that is that so many have never forgotten what it was like in the far country, or more importantly, the embrace of the Loving Father.

Living Hope is here to provide substantive answers for prodigals.

We are also here to assist the church and family members. Over the last ten years the church has become much more cognizant of the scope of the problem. Many are actively seeking better ways to help. But we still have a long way to go. We are losing the battle culturally. We have to do a better job of training our staff and helping our members to come alongside prodigals as well as doing a better job of explaining our beliefs in the marketplace.

While prodigals are always welcomed by the Father when we turn for home, the church has not always been as open armed – or open-minded. In my case I adhered to a narrative that was strong on the sinfulness of homosexual conduct but lacking in redemption.

Some churches have been compassionate when faced with a member who struggles. But too often nothing substantive is offered. One man told me of a pastor who was very warm and loving initially but had no idea how to help. In fact, the pastor would go out of his way to avoid even bumping into him in the hallway.

So I encourage you to support Living Hope Ministries. We want to come alongside you and help you walk with the prodigals who deal with this sin. We want to assist you in ministering to their families. And we will continue to be here through our satellite ministries and to thousands through our online ministries.

A couple of years ago I talked with two moms who both had children that struggled. Both were members of good, solid churches but had not gotten much response to their pleas for help.

As a pastor and someone who has been involved in many ministries I can tell you that I recommend LHM without qualification. Please help support these men and women and please let us know how we can help you.

After several conversations with the first during which I suggested several resources, she broke down crying.

She explained “it’s just so good to talk to someone who understands.”

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New Location, Same Hope

By Samuel Parrish, Campus Director, LHM Charleston parents. Everywhere we go we hear stories of hurt and questions about hope in the midst of a culture that doesn’t understand the Gospel or the freedom offered in Christ. With great joy, the Lord has allowed us to begin breaking down the walls of “us and them” in the vocabulary of churches across Charleston. As we understand what great darkness the blood of Christ has saved us from and the journey ahead we all have in holiness, wells of grace spring up for those whose brokenness may look different from our own but is just as forgiven.

After three years of prayerful consideration and the invitation of local churches in the area, Living Hope Ministries has arrived in Charleston, SC! My wife Jaclyn and I arrived in Charleston in June of this year to a city grieving the recent tragedy at Emanuel AME Church. We knew within hours that God was up to something big in this place. We saw a city assuming a supernatural posture of forgiveness and reconciliation in the midst of an issue that has divided the area for hundreds of years.

In just a few moments, issues had become faces, and the powerful stories that came out of it served as such encouragement for what we have come out here to do.

For too long, Christians with sexual and relational brokenness have been treated as issues to be fixed instead of children of God made in his image and full of value and worth. Living Hope has been given the incredible privilege of being a safe place for those struggling with same sex attraction and their friends and family as we work with churches on becoming life-giving places for all of us.

Please pray for us in the months ahead. The enemy doesn’t give up ground easily and will fight back against the work of freedom we have been called out here to do. Pray that our churches will truly become places of refuge as we live under scriptural authority. Pray that our leaders will live lives of compassion and accountability. Pray that our members will be bold in sharing their stories of transformation and forgiveness.

And pray most of all that God will be glorified in our lives as we journey towards him in truth!

In less than 4 months, we are already seeing the light come on in the eyes of pastors and lay leaders across denominations and geographic regions. Casual lunch conversations are becoming staff meetings and opportunities to train small group leaders and

If you know of someone in the South Carolina area that is searching for hope, help and freedom, please have them contact us through the “Contact Us” tab at livehope.org for Charleston.

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GOD IS

BIGGER

By Hope, 55, DFW It is hard to comprehend that I have been a part of Living Hope Ministries for over five years now. I clearly remember the day I walked into the LHM offices for my intake. I was filled with ambiguity and resistance. I had landed at LHM because my pastor had no idea how to walk beside a person that identified

as a lesbian and a Christian. We had many conversations on the subject, but I didn’t agree that God could change a person’s sexuality. In fact I was at odds with God for creating me gay and then condemning me to hell for being born this way. I had been a Christian for just over a year and had lived openly as

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an out-loud and proud lesbian for over 25 years. I advocated for gay rights and same sex marriage.

Furthermore, I had considered organizations such as Living Hope to be my enemy. It was so ironic to be walking into the door to do an intake and even

consider going to a retreat with a group of people I had once been so outspoken against. In retrospect, God’s fingerprints were all over this encounter. I sat in the office of D’Ann Davis listening to the “Roots of Lesbianism” talk, silently thinking, “Oh, crap, she is talking about me.” That talk would lead to three and half years of wrestling with God about my faith and sexuality.

I wanted to follow Jesus, but I hated Him for creating me gay. I spent a great deal of time in an angry state of mind over the subject. I came to LHM inhouse meetings listening for points that would validate my line of thinking and often left in frustration, having been challenged to read my Bible and develop my relationship with Jesus. I was met with grace and kindness by the LHM staff, board members, and participants.

The more I engaged with this group, the more I saw I was like them. Slowly I began to recognize I was a broken, wounded woman in desperate need of a Savior.

No one was more surprised than me that I kept coming to meetings, participating on the forums, and attending LHM sanctioned conferences and retreats.

For all intents and purposes, LHM had become my lifeline for wading through the muddy waters of resolving my faith and sexuality. It would have been so easy to embrace pro-gay theology and identify myself as a “gay Christian.” Yet week in and week out I heard a message of Truth about marriage, sexuality, and gender.

I heard God’s challenge for us to live in surrender of our wills to God’s will and His call to deny ourselves and follow

“I wanted to follow Jesus, but I hated Him for creating me gay.”

Him. That was the opposite message that I had believed, that I needed to embrace my “true self,” and that my identity was defined by my sexual attractions. There was an inner conflict.

In my mind, I didn’t see how it was possible to define identity in any other way. Yet, over the course of time, I watched men and women struggle well to honor God with their sexualities. I have witnessed some of my LHM friends marry and have children. I have seen others honor God in their singlehood.

Their lives have become living testaments to the transformational power of the gospel. Witnessing them struggle well over a long period of time challenged me to come to terms with my own faith and sexuality.

As I entered this process, God began to expose the root causes of why I embraced a gay identity. It has been painful to understand that my sexuality and same-sex attractions were the result of unhealthy relationships from childhood forward and of sinful choices on my part. The consistent exhortation of LHM leaders to not simply believe what they were saying on the subject, but to read the Bible and see what God had to say, provoked me to do just that.

I will admit, I set out to prove to God and other Christians that they were wrong about my sexuality. God used this season of my life to reveal His intent and design for marriage, sexuality, and gender. Most of all, I began to see God’s character and His design for those three things were for my good, that all might go well for me in my life.

I began to recognize that my feelings and attractions were real, but I was functioning out of a broken, unhealthy, and often selfish and sinful state of relating to other women.

It was also during this season of my life that I began to recognize that if God is good and the Creator of all things, then His word, the Bible, was absolute truth or it wasn’t truth at all. At this juncture in my journey, God’s truth

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“I have learned that God is bigger than my attractions, bigger than my sexuality, bigger than my temptations, and bigger than my sin.” mandated one or two responses: Either I would embrace God’s truth about my sexuality above my own feelings, desires and attractions or I would reject it.

It was an agonizing choice. Truth beckoned me to surrender all I thought to be true about myself, to who God made me to be—a woman created in His image. He designed me to complement men with my gifts and talents, not to compete against them or prove I was better. Living that out has been a process.

I have learned that God is bigger than my attractions, bigger than my sexuality, bigger than my temptations, and bigger than my sin. I am confident that my Creator is worthy of my surrendering all those things to Him. Today, I am no longer defined by my sexuality, but by my relationship with God. I know who I am! I am a child of God, a woman created in His Image.

While my attractions have not changed, my heart and reason for living have; I am here to honor God with every aspect of my life, including my sexuality. I am thankful that God placed Living Hope in my life and challenged me to become grounded in my relationship with Jesus and embrace the truth of His word.

By Sam, 25, DFW

Two years ago, I was ready to walk away from everything. I was one semester from my college graduation and I was a decade deep in the muck of a secret life of gay porn and masturbation, ever skirting the line between acting out and hooking up through my four years at university. I always told myself that I was never going to bring anyone down with me, but that conviction was slowly slipping away the more I longed to fill the gap of male companionship that I still felt I was missing. By the grace of God, and He is a very gracious God, Living Hope satellite director Brock Faulkner was speaking at my church one night at the end of a seminar. I spontaneously decided to attend this seminar only twenty minutes before it started. I would be in a very

different place right now were it not for that Divine appointment.

I thought that I could resist temptation all on my own. I had decided that I was all alone in my walk with Christ by the time I was in late adolescence. The secret struggle I had been carrying since I was a little boy seemed so unbeatable and powerful that I did not have hope of being rid of it. By the time I was nearing my last semester of college, I had given up the fantasy of being married and having children. I simply saw no way out of the samesex attractions that I had been experiencing for as long as I could remember.

I knew that the gay identity and lifestyle was not something with 10

which I wanted to identify myself, and I had resolved myself to, at worst, mess around on the down low. In my head, that seemed the more noble choice as opposed to being out and proud. I could not justify identifying as gay and being a Christian. In my immense brokenness and confusion, this was the best that I could come up with by myself.

Thanks be to God that He did not leave me to my wickedness and the chaos of my mind, but instead He intersected my life with the ministry of Living Hope. I started attending weekly support group meetings at the College Station satellite after that fateful day in Winter 2013. The truth did not take long to set in: I was never meant to fight alone. Within the first few months of participating

in weekly group and processing daily on the online forums, the power that this secret sin had over me began to fade drastically.

There was definitely a shroud of shame in the spiritual realms that I had struggled with for years that was beginning to break. Where there once was shame and condemnation in simply speaking the words relating to my sexual sin, I began to understand God’s forgiveness and grace. I could finally talk about the deeper issues that plagued me. At that time, near the end of my last semester, I learned that there was another discipleship opportunity through Living Hope called the Hope House.

As is the habit of many potential Hope House residents, I flaked out of moving in to the House multiple times because I was still holding on to the possibility that I could figure things out on my own. For the next year and a half, I would attend weekly group meetings when I could, and I toyed with the idea of moving into the house. It just seemed like the time was never quite right. The reality was that the time was probably never going to be just right, and ultimately I was resisting something that God had prepared for me.

By April 2015, I was convinced that I needed to move into the Hope House as quickly as possible.

So, within the next couple of months I started to phase out at my church and my workplace in Central Texas and I applied to the Hope House. Again, and by Divine appointment, there was an opening in the House and I moved in at the beginning of June 2015.

The Hope House itself is not necessarily a place for someone to get his life straight. Within the house, we have the freedom to succeed and the freedom to fail. The house is a mirror of life

“Where there once was shame and condemnation in simply speaking the words relating to my sexual sin, I began to understand God’s forgiveness and grace. I could finally talk about the deeper issues that plagued me.” and adult responsibilities with the added safety net of being able to experience grace and counsel from Ricky and brothers within the house. Living in the Hope House is committing to walking with God and the other guys with an intense level of accountability, to edifying each other by means of intentional and focused relationships of service and encouragement, and to being vulnerable and willing to work through our struggles to walk out the true masculinity that God has designed.

Part of living in the house is committing to journaling every day about what God is doing and how He is working in my life. Everyone who lives in the house also bears the daily responsibilities of the stewardship of the house itself, such as maintaining public areas in cleanliness and caring for the grounds. These things may seem trivial or systematic, but over time they spur us on to have order in our personal lives and our spiritual walk with God. One of the great aspects of Hope House discipleship is that it is both a beauty and a beast. The truth is that any time imperfect people are interacting, there are bound to be ample opportunities to practice grace and patience. I have been the recipient of much grace from my brothers in the house, and I have shown much grace. Not only am I learning to walk in a selfless way that honors God and others, but I’m also learning how to be the kind of church member that God desires - one who 11

serves others and does not run when things get tough or confrontation arises. It is hard. There is no other way to put it. But in doing those hard things, we can have great success and healing or great failure and even greater grace.

The parable of the prodigal son is such a fitting way to describe any person who has walked on this planet and the ever-loving, neverchanging Father that runs to meet us in our brokenness and muck. I find it easy to place myself in the shoes of the other son in that story. In body, the other son remained at home, but in heart, he longed to be out in the world with his inheritance living the life that his brother got to live. I am convicted by how ungrateful I am sometimes. I have seen others go out and live it up and I have heard the stories of those who did, and in my wicked heart I have envied them. Even so, God is patient in returning my focus to the things that matter: rejoicing for the one that has returned, a Father’s unconditional love, the feast at hand, and the promise of an inheritance to come.

When I first came to Living Hope, I was obsessed with where I had come from and who was to blame, but the longer I walk with Christ, the more I realize that it’s not about where I came from. Where I’m going is what matters. God has been so faithful to use the Hope House as a significant turning point in my life. I still have a lot of growing to do, but the more I look back, the more I see the change that has occurred.

A son in the far country

By “Homebody,” Living Hope Forums

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“Mom, Dad, I’m gay.”

“Mom, Dad, I’m gay.” With that announcement from our son, almost everything about our family dynamics changed. We discovered that for eight years, he had lived in turmoil and conflict, concealing his guilt, frustration and despair from us. What other concerns had he successfully kept from us? Now, he wanted us to join him in keeping secrets – family (except for his sister) could not know he had adopted a new identity. We felt frustrated that we could not ask for prayer support from the grandparents who loved him. At the time, we were unaware that he was not open to discussing his decision… he had accepted that he was gay, and he was convinced there was no hope of any change.

Our son told us that he was still a Christian, and that he had every intention of finding his one true love, marrying a husband, and together raising a family. He wanted a committed, monogamous relationship like any good Christian would – except that this would be in a same-sex relationship. He had answers for all our objections that this desire was inconsistent with the Bible.

We began to look for resources, wanting to find hope for both him and for us. How had we failed our son so colossally? We had never heard of any other Christian families that were dealing with a child who came out as gay.

Our local Christian bookstore had very few resources, so I began to look online for books or websites that could explain how this could happen. How could

our son, who professed a relationship with Christ as a young child, and by all appearances was growing in his faith, struggle with homosexuality? Most of what I found was not very helpful, and added to my sense that we had truly messed up our son by mistakes we had made in our parenting. Until this happened, I had a sense of pride that we had done a wonderful job – he was doing superbly in school, was beloved by all his teachers at school and at church – what happened?

Our church offers Biblical counseling, and that was very helpful, but still, we felt isolated and certain that no other Christian family had ever messed up so badly. We met with the pastor over the counseling ministry for many months, but in the meantime, I began to be brave enough to share with a few friends who I knew would still love me. Instead of gossiping about our situation, they would pray for us. One of those friends that I had known for over 20 years through another ministry just “happened” to also be on the Board of Living Hope Ministries. She told me about their online forum, where I could connect with other Christian parents who were going through the same thing I was…and still remain anonymous. I had never done any online blogging or posting, so this was a new world for me in many ways, yet once I signed up and received access to the private forum, I felt like I had found a lifeline. There were articles to read that helped explain why people struggled with same-sex attraction, there was a whole section for prayer requests and people on all sides of this struggle were interacting – men, women and youth who struggled and the friends and family who loved them. There was a special section just for Friends and Family where parents shared what was going on in their family…and it was just like the

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“once I signed up and received access to the private forum, I felt like I had found a lifeline” things we were experiencing. I had been feeling like our family had been branded with a giant scarlet “G,” but now I felt encouraged and had a sense of community.

We continued to meet with our Biblical counseling pastor, and as we began to cope better with our new reality, he asked my husband if he would consider meeting with a young man from our church who had struggled with same-sex attraction (SSA) and be a friend and mentor to him. Since I had been involved in the online forum, I knew that Living Hope offered in-house support

groups, and my husband decided to go with this young man and see what it had to offer. It was a blessing to both of them.

The worship time was transcendent, the Bible study applied to dealing with any sin a Christian experiences, and there were separate support groups for men, women and friends and family. The young man was already very far along in his recovery and didn’t need to attend long, but my husband continued to attend every week. He kept encouraging me to go with him, but I felt the forums were enough for me.

I began to read in the forums about the Adult Retreat that was coming up, and so many talked about it as if it was a life-changing experience. We were a bit fearful, but decided to go…and stay for at least one night. Little did we know it would be a huge turning point for us. That year, we were the only friends or family who signed up for the retreat, so instead of having our own separate group, I met

with the women and my husband met with the men. The encouragement we got from the love showered on us by the men and women in our groups was amazing.

Because our son had long since let us know that he had no intention of trying to seek change, we thought that there were very few people seeking God’s help for healing. The men and women that we met were running fast after God, and desired to be obedient to Biblical purity, even though for many of them it was very difficult. We met so many men and women of integrity, perseverance and transparency that weekend; many who are still dear friends today.

It has now been just over eight years since our son came out to us.

Over that time, he has abandoned his faith, continues to identify as gay, still believes that change is not possible, and still is very upset with us that we believe differently. My husband and I have grown in many ways over the

“We have learned most of all, that our hope MUST be in God, not in our son... God is faithful to His promises.”

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same period of time. We have come to realize that we can’t make our son change; only God can do that. There is no argument or manipulation from us that can convince him that he is wrong. What we can do is pray for him and work on our own flaws, things that came to the surface when we discovered our family was broken. Actually, all families are broken, and healing only comes when you realize it and face it head-on. We have tried to be a resource for our church so that other families who make this discovery don’t have to feel isolated and alone. I have continued to be involved with the online forum, and both my husband and I don’t miss an in-house support group meeting unless we are out of town. Although we are still hurting and things are not resolved, we are trying to be available “so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” Many of the men and women we met at that first retreat have experienced amazing healing, and it has been encouraging to see the miracles (marriages and children for some of them, sobriety and peace of heart for others) that God has done in that amount of time. We have learned most of all, that our hope MUST be in God, not in our son. When our hope is in God, we can have joy regardless of the fact that our son has not changed. God is faithful to His promises. He loves us and He loves our son. He does all things perfectly and in His timing. Although our new normal has been very painful at times, we remind ourselves that this too will “work together for our good,” because God has promised it is so. He is good, and He can be trusted.

By Deishana, 22, DFW Growing up, I was a very socially anxious child. I often felt less than other children or like I didn’t fit. I equated being different than others with being worse than others. I spent a lot of time isolating myself from people. As I got older, these feelings worsened, especially towards girls. I felt like an outsider looking into girl world. My mother really wanted me to be a girly girl like my sister, and was disappointed in me when I didn’t fit that mold. She often pointed out what she thought was wrong with me. She had a generally negative outlook on life and I absorbed a lot of her negativity. That combined with a stepdad who often made fun of me or called me ugly kept my self-esteem very low. I never felt like I was good enough and wished I could be someone else.

In middle school, I realized that I was attracted to girls. At first I thought I was going through a weird phase, but when the feelings didn’t go away, I became afraid.

Back then, there were so many terrible things that I had heard said about gay people, and I thought that admitting that my same sex attraction was there would make the terrible things apply to me. I didn’t want the words “freak,” “disgusting,” or “weird” to describe me. I didn’t need another reason to feel out of place.

When I became a Christian in 9th grade, I was terrified of telling anyone about my attractions. I was afraid of

the judgement of others and thought I wouldn’t be accepted by anyone if they knew my secret. I knew how religious people felt about gays and didn’t want to be a target of hatred or the butt of someone’s mean joke. I remember wishing that I could struggle with a “normal” sin like gossiping or jealousy like the other girls in my youth group.

I tried to pretend the feelings weren’t there, but the feelings only seemed to get stronger over time. Even though my feelings were intensifying, fear kept me silent. I didn’t tell a soul about my feelings for years. I desperately wanted a romantic relationship with another girl, but feared that my family and friends would hate me if I ever acted on these desires.

Finally, during my sophomore year of college, I hit a breaking point. The weight of my secret was too much to bear and I couldn’t pretend the feelings weren’t there anymore. I cried out to God, even though I was angry at Him for letting me have the feelings in the first place. He told me to tell my college pastor. My pastor told me about Living Hope Ministries, and a few months

later, I started attending the meeting and participating in the online forums.

I found a group of people that cared. They listen to my pain without judging me. They encourage my individuality and see me as a unique, beautiful, valuable daughter of God. Not a freak, a virus, a project, or a nuisance, which is how I felt about myself when I arrived. Their primary concern isn’t “fixing” me or getting rid of my attractions. Their focus is on pointing people towards deeper relationship with Jesus. I have learned so much from Living Hope. I’ve learned that God makes girls with all kinds of personalities and interests, and that diversity should be celebrated instead of mocked. I’ve learned what biblical womanhood is about and how radically different it is from the world’s standards of what women should be.

I was released from feeling out of place because I didn’t fit the world’s mold. I started experiencing freedom from the shame and guilt I had felt for Continues on page 22

“I am experiencing happiness that did not come from doing what felt right and getting a girlfriend, but from doing what is right and following God’s intentions for sexuality and relationships.”

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In person

Onl 35

87

intakes

Forums

473

8,380

phone calls

Forum Members

367

hours mentoring

989,921 Forum Posts

425

hours in support groups

304

1,500+

New Forum Registrations

emails Answered

109

560

Retreat Attendees

online inquires

Living out our Mission Across the United States and around the world, Living Hope seeks to proclaim God’s truth as we walk with those seeking sexual and relational wholeness through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

Relationally impacting lives and churches is a key focus of Living Hope Ministries. Here is a glimpse into how we have been able to live out our mission over the past year.

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Our Partner

First Baptist Church, Arlington All Saints Anglican Church, Da Friendswood Com. Church, Frie First Baptist Church, Midlothia Alsbury Baptist Church, Burles

line

in the community 17

50,844

Conferences

page views in App

App Opens

2,314 Media PLays

Speaking Engagement

11,064

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Seminaries

14 States

50

Churches

1,362

10,000+

App Downloads

Audience Members

19

170

Partner Churches

Countries in forums

r Churches

n, TX allas, TX endswood, TX an, TX son, TX

Park Cities Presbyterian Church, Dallas, TX The Village Church, Flower Mound, Dallas, Fort Worth, Plano TX Parkway Baptist Church, McKinney, TX Antioch Community Church, Waco, TX

Bent Tree Bible Fellowship, Carrollton, TX Rockpointe Church, Flowermound, TX Church of the Open Door, Waco, TX Cornerstone Baptist Church, Terrell, TX Southside City Church, Fort Worth, TX

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Victory Life Church, Battle Creek, MI Denton Bible Church, Denton, TX First Baptist Church, Charleston, SC Saint Michael’s Church, Charleston, SC Riverbluff Church, Charleston, SC

The God Who 18

I grew up in a Christian home, with parents strongly involved in the church.

I thought I knew God, but from a very young age I battled with an inward struggle that no one knew about. I was the girl who was always beating up boys, dressing like a boy, and choosing Ken over Barbie. I was told I should not act that way; that is not how girls behave, but the feelings I had seemed right. I wrestled with God – how could I feel so strongly about something that was so wrong in His eyes? Why wouldn’t He just take away these feelings if they were sinful?

in general, I know now that was not an answer to my problems. Having grown up in a Christian environment and seeing the way some people lead or acted both in church and outside, I always thought that in order to experience God I had to do certain things, act a certain way, or say certain words, but I really had no relationship with God when it came down to it. I white-knuckled life and fought alone in a fight I was never intended to fight alone. As many Christians do, I learned all too well how to mask my issues and hide my sin from everyone including my family.

At the age of seven, my friends and I picked up a torn-up magazine off the side of the road. This was my first glimpse of pornography and would become another way Satan would control and deceive me. Seeing pornography perverted my legitimate desires for intimacy and twisted my view of God’s good design. It was not long after that I began to fulfill my legitimate desires in an illegitimate way. My bitterness towards God grew as I hid my addiction to pornography and suppressed my homosexual feelings for years.

Eventually I was done fighting. I was done trying to convince myself that these feelings, which felt so genuine and right, could be completely wrong. I would just do this life thing on my own! I would generate my own love apart from God who couldn’t possibly love me.

I was so different than other girls my age for so many reasons: I was homeschooled, socially awkward, I hated shopping, and I didn’t know how to put on makeup. I was a complete outsider and found myself trying to mold myself into what I thought a girl was supposed to look like so that no one thought any different of me. There were plenty of times I was left out of things or made fun of, which eventually fueled depression and thoughts of suicide. My broken view of relationships and friendships, as well as my brokenness in general, did not help. Instead of working through it, I chose to cut myself to relieve the pain. Also, in my broken and sinful state of mind, I took my brokenness out on others, taking advantage of friends, manipulating them, and easily becoming emotionally dependent on people.

By Rachel, 25, DFW

After struggling through high school, I started diving into God’s Word.

It was the summer after my freshman year of college that I felt I should apply to be one of the youth leaders at my church. In a way, I thought it would help me grow closer to God and help me get over my issues. Though I do have a passion for youth and ministry

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My sophomore year of college, I stepped away from church and away from God. I allowed my feelings to take over and my desires for the same sex grew stronger. During this time in college, I began working at a nightclub with my older sister. I made plenty of friends at the time who I thought were great friends. I began drinking more and more, which led to more and more sin. Regardless of my surroundings and all these “great” friends, I was not satisfied. I was involved in two same-sex relationships, both filled with jealousy, secrecy, and lies. Even in these broken relationships, I felt I was still better off than believing in a God I couldn’t understand. I had begged God, pleading with Him to rid me of these feelings, but they remained. How could they be wrong if He would not take them away? I hid my new lifestyle from everyone I loved.

I was living a double life. My college life, only thirty-two miles from home, was my deep, dark secret.

My life began to spiral out of control: excessive drinking, one night stands, sex with men and women, falling asleep in one place and waking up in another, remembering nothing, and a costly DWI. I was so angry with the church, and with everyone. I wanted to blame them for my issues, but deep down it was God with whom I was most angry. He had let me down. My life had become something I never imagined it would be. My heart was so cold and my love for my heavenly Father had faded.

Through everything, I could feel God tugging at my heart and calling me back to Him, to a better life. I was lying in bed one night crying, and asking myself and God how did I get here?

What had happened? Why, if it was so wrong, did He allow me to feel this way for so long, despite the years and years of me pleading with Him to take this away from me? I remember writing in my journal that night, May of 2013, I had “forgotten what it felt like to fight against sin.”

and victory over the struggles in my life.

I’ve learned that the shame I have been feeling for so long is not what God wants for me, but rather godly guilt that brings me to repentance and into a deeper relationship with Him. Through His word I’ve learned to thank God for rescuing me and delivering me from darkness even though He easily could have let me slip away forever. He is not one to shame us; that is totally Satan! He is a God of

Through everything I could feel God tugging at my heart and calling me back to Him. to a better life.

My life had become something I never imagined it would be. I did and said what I wanted, when I wanted, and my heart had become completely hardened and angry, yet He never gave up on me. I knew deep down God had a calling on my life or else I would have been dead a long time ago. I had to do something, but I did not know what.

After three years of living in that lifestyle, and the sixteen or so years I spent struggling inwardly, I went to my mentor brokenhearted, asking her all the questions I had asked God. She loved me through it all, sharing scripture and wisdom. She later asked if I would be open to looking into a ministry called Living Hope. At that point I felt like I had tried everything, so I was open to anything. I found myself at a place of brokenness and despair, not knowing what to do, how to forgive myself, or how to begin to let God forgive me, so I figured what the heck, why not?

Living Hope welcomed me and loved me while pushing me towards Jesus rather than just focusing on pushing me away from my sin. I felt at home after my first meeting and haven’t looked back since. During my time at LHM I have learned that the only way we can truly heal and change is by the power of Christ and His ability to change our hearts as we pursue a deeper relationship with Him through His word, our daily prayer life, and through strong Christian community. I am learning to abide in the Lord and lean on Him for strength

grace and love, making us whole again.

Instead of shame, we find love, mercy, significance, and deliverance despite our pasts. His love and grace for me, and all of us, is something I sometimes cannot even believe! To know there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus and I have been made new in Christ is so powerful and refreshing.

God is so faithful to give us what we need, and I know that His will and plan for my life is far greater than I could ever imagine or plan for myself.

As I grow in Christ, He is softening my heart more and more every day, while slowly changing my heart’s desires and attractions. I’m learning that the whole concept of Christianity is taking something broken and making it new and better for the purpose of His glory.

I no longer feel that I cannot speak words of truth, love, and wisdom into people’s lives due to my struggle and past, but rather that He can still use me and my story to bring Himself glory.

Living Hope has provided me the tools and truth that have shown me that I can still have freedom in my struggle, that I have been made new and right in Christ Jesus, and that all debts were paid at the cross. We are all broken. He loves us. It is finished. That is freedom.

I am looking forward to all that God has planned for Living Hope and myself in the future and I believe that without the guidance and leadership of this ministry I would not be where I am today in my relationship with Christ.

Living Hope welcomed me and loved me while pushing me towards Jesus rather than just focusing on pushing me away from my sin.

During my time at Living Hope I’ve learned what it means and looks like to have healthy, God-centered relationships. This has been huge as I grow and seek Christian community at my church and with the believers in my life. I’ve come to better understand some of the reasons why I struggle with this particular sin and LHM has been able to provide me with answers that no one has ever been able to before.

I’ve learned practical and godly ways of sorting and working through the issues I have that have led to this struggle and the addictions in my life and how to find healing from them. I still have things I need to work on, but I have never felt so free and loved in my life.

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The Power to Change

By Austin, 21, DFW Growing up, I have always been the sensitive one, the one who does not like to play sports. I have always desired connection with people. Although I had a loving mother and father, we all live in a broken world with imperfect parents.

They would claim to be Christians but I would not say I grew up in a Christian home because of the lifestyle they lived and the fact that I did not grow up hearing about Jesus or the gospel. They taught me good morals and right from wrong. I had a mom who loved me too much and a dad who loved me but did not know how to show it or relate to me.

That was difficult growing up because I felt like I was not taught what a man was, what he was supposed to do, or how he was supposed to talk or think, in other words, all the things a father should teach his son. I was around 12 years old when I was introduced to pornography.

The effect it had on me was life-changing, addicting, and overwhelming. Although I was attracted to women, I began to lust after the men in the images I saw. I thought, “Is this what a man is supposed to be and look like?” So the mix of something new, search for masculinity, and the desire to look a certain way caused me to idolize and lust over the image of a man, leading to my struggle of same sex attraction. I was confused about my feelings and I knew I could not talk to my parents about it, because I knew how they felt about homosexuality.

nor did I talk about them. I was not a Christian yet, although I had been to Vacation Bible School a few times and had a desire to go to church. When I was old enough to go to youth group, I went to camp a few times and went to church religiously, thinking that it would help me somehow. Still, nobody at this point knew anything about my struggle. In eighth grade, I remember feeling so empty and angry, constantly desiring something or someone. Little did I know that it was Jesus, the one who has been pursuing me all my life and still is constantly pursuing me. I surrendered my life to him after hearing the gospel and my life was never the same after that.

Same sex attraction was a struggle I did not know how to fight, but by the grace and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, He slowly taught me how to fight and how to love Him. This was and is a long process.

All I knew was that I wanted to change; I just didn’t know what it would take.

Sophomore year I decided, by the pressing of the Holy Spirit, to finally confess my struggle to my best friend who received me with love and grace. A year later, I confessed to my youth pastor and associate pastor; this is where I first learned about Living Hope. I was about 16 or 17 at the time. I looked into it, but

I began to look at pornography through junior high and my attractions only grew, but I never acted on them

as a minor my parents had to know if I was to go to group, so I decided to just wait. I got a chance to watch Ricky’s video and everything began to make a lot more sense. Looking back, I am able to see the power of God working in my life, sanctifying me and helping me through it. There were so many times that I wanted to give up and reject my faith, but God would not let me. He would not let go. As much as I tried to pull away, He pulled even harder. I kept trusting and hoping this struggle could get better and that I could change. So, I went off to college, not expecting to walk into the most difficult, heartbreaking, lonely, and ultimately joyful, freeing, and redeeming years of my life. I let down my guard in college, and I fell into sin and felt the most unimaginable guilt and shame I have ever felt in my life.

My freshman year of college, a speaker came to my school. Although he did not mention anything about SSA or sexual sin, I was urged by the Holy Spirit to meet with him and share my testimony. This man told me about a ministry at his church called Living Hope.I was speechless! He connected me with Ricky and we began to exchange emails. After a semester of stubbornness, sitting in sin, and just being scared, I decided to finally go to group and get help. This could only be the sovereign hand of a loving Father. At LHM, I finally felt understood. It was somewhere I could share my struggles openly and be encouraged, challenged, and prayed over. I can come to group expecting to be welcomed with open arms, fed with God’s truth for the renewing of my mind, and picked up when I fall. Living Hope is a safe place where I am loved enough to be pushed forward to the gospel. Living Hope, to me, is the place where I learn more about who God is and His love for me. I have learned to fight sin and strive for intimacy with God and am encouraged to keep going and to keep fighting the good fight. Living Hope has been the place where I can run to when I fall or am about to fall, and Continued on page 22

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Finding Christ

By Jenny, 31, Forums I found Living Hope via a Google search and spent quite some time listening to Ricky’s sermons and reading articles before I ever signed up for the forum. I didn’t really know what to expect, and was a little apprehensive. In spite of my fears, I found an awesome community of friends who cared about my life and struggles. It has been a great blessing to get to know my forum friends and mutually encourage and pray for each other. There have been times when I’ve been discouraged or just felt alone; the forum has been there to help bear my burdens, and give me strength when I’ve felt as if I had none.

LHM has played a very important role in my life; specifically helping me find Christ as my personal Savior. I was raised in a very religious home, but failed to know the indwelling presence and reality of Christ in my heart. I remember posting one night and spilling out quite a bit of anger at circumstances in my life and at God. One of my friends there responded and challenged me to pray and seek God with all of my heart.

Because of LHM, I finally came to know the reality of Christ.

Continued from page 15 years. I started to feel more comfortable in my own skin. In Psalm 139:14, David says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” I’ve spent most of my life distant from the reality that God has made me well, but I’ve finally started to join David in praising God for the way He has made me.

We now live in a society that encourages people with same sex attraction to come out of the closet and embrace their gay identity. They say that being true to your feelings is the road to happiness. Living Hope has always stood for God’s truth and has encouraged me to follow God’s way of living instead of the ways of the world. I am experiencing happiness that did not come from doing what felt right and getting a girlfriend, but from doing what is right and following God’s intentions for sexuality and relationships. I’ve become bolder about telling people about my struggle and how God has helped me. My selfconfidence has grown and so has my love for God. I am so thankful to have a ministry like this in my life.

I’ve really appreciated D’s talks and Ricky’s sermons. They’ve been instrumental in helping deal with the root issues that pushed me toward same sex attraction, and they have pointed me toward Christ as the ultimate and only answer for true fulfillment of the longings in my heart.

I am not perfect and have had many stops and starts in my eighteen months with LHM; however, each time I’ve fallen or had a victory, my forum friends have NEVER failed to extend mercy and grace or encouragement, when appropriate. I was raised to believe in an angry judgmental God just waiting to send lightning bolts to electrocute me for wrongdoing. The attitudes of my LHM family and their patience with me has helped change my view of God. I am finally learning to see Him as a loving, merciful, heavenly Father.

LHM has a very special place in my heart, and I am grateful that God led me here.

Continued from page 21 they are there to pray with me and speak truth into my life. I have been going to Living Hope for almost 3 years now, and I have learned how to renew my mind, how to have healthy Christ-centered relationships, and to rejoice in my weakness because God is most glorified in my weakness. I am still tempted, and I still fall sometimes, but I have learned that in my identity as a son of the living God that I am redeemed, forgiven, and loved. I give all the glory and honor and praise to the Father. This is the power to change, Christ in me.

Ephesians 2:1-7, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you

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Alone No Longer

By Eric, 26, Pennsylvania I have been actively involved with Living Hope Ministries for the past four years by participating in the online forums and attending annual youth retreats. One of the most significant realizations of my spiritual walk came during the first youth retreat I attended in March of 2012. I realized that I tend to be self-sufficient, trying to fight the good fight on my own without the Lord.

The Lord showed me this is the number one stumbling block keeping me from making progress in my faith. Since this retreat, I have taken steps to let go of my self-sufficiency, and instead choose to let God and others speak into my life. The online support forums have provided a great venue to allow this to happen, as folks who understand my experiences with same sex attraction are just a mouse click away.

At times in my past, the Living Hope community, though online, has been the most significant support I have received in drawing closer to Jesus. I know I would not have made spiritual progress in choosing to walk out of my same sex attraction without the online forums. I am consistently thankful for Living Hope. In a culture where the darkness keeps pressing in closer and closer, may God continue to use Living Hope Ministries to pull people from the clutches of death.

once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.”

By Jen, 33, North Carolina The first 30 years of my life were characterized by duality. From the outside looking in, my home was the ideal, loving, Christian home. My parents were diligent to have my sister and I in church every time the doors were open.

Our home was always busy and it wasn’t uncommon for it to be full of children.

My mom was a loving caretaker and often cared for our friends and family when their parents were absent. While I’m confident my parents loved us very much and did they best they could, the reality that we live in a Genesis 3 world was very present in our house. The open-door policy meant hurting family members and friends exposed my sister and I to drugs, abuse, and pornography. Honesty didn’t characterize our house, but maintaining appearances did.

In high school I was a leader in my youth group, at my school, and at my job. I made good grades, had a large friend group, and was well known in my community as a “good girl”. In college I was engaged in campus life, served on diverse committees and boards, and maintained friendships, work, and academics. I’d well-honed my ability to control how others perceived me.

Internally, I was a wreck. I actively sought ways to defy authority without rocking the boat. For me, this played out through secrecy and in my relationships. My junior year I entered into my first samesex relationship that opened the door to a string of unhealthy, emotionally intense relationships with both men and women.

My identity as a “good girl” was a prescribed identity that I worked hard to maintain. While fully engaged in destructive, co-dependent, same-sex relationships, I simultaneously attended seminary, led a small group, launched a children’s ministry for children with

special needs at my church, and worked in full-time ministry working with women and children at a homeless shelter. The consequence of my duality was intense isolation. Surrounded by people who loved me, I had no one who actually knew me.

This reality hit when the life I’d carved for myself came crashing down after an intense break-up. I’d moved away from my church and my family in order to make my double-life more easily maintainable. In the face of the breakup, I was alone, isolated, and heartbroken.

Living Hope has ministered to me in two unique ways. The first is through my sister. Her own involvement in LHM prepared her to love me and know me when I was unlovable and unknowable.

Sarah was consistent in prayer for me over several years. When I came out to her she was able to share her own story of how God redeemed her brokenness as a means of encouragement and acceptance rather than judgment or condemnation. She never stopped loving me or praying for me despite years of lying and secrecy on my part. LHM joined her in praying for me and walked with her as she waited and trusted that God would prove Himself faithful. Our mutual involvement in LHM allowed us to discuss our struggles openly and opened the doors to redeem our relationship.

The second way LHM has ministered to me is through the forums and retreat.

Living in North Carolina, I’m only able to participate in in-house meetings when I visit my sister. The forums, however, have given me a safe place to process through my brokenness, sin, and shame. In God’s providence, He provided me several months of isolation and friendlessness during which He asked me to learn to depend on Him. During this season the

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ladies on the forums encouraged me and prayed for me as I learned and practiced healthy means of relating with them online. When God was good to bring gospel-centered community into my life they continued to pray with me and cheered me on as I learned to have healthy friendships and relationships. While I knew these new friends loved me, I continued to work to control how I was perceived and was reluctant to share my sordid history with them.

Last October I came to the banquet for the first time. That weekend my sister shared her testimony surrounded by both her LHM family and her church family.

I will never forget telling her I couldn’t imagine being known to that level in my community. At the retreat in March I was able to practice being authentic and known without hiding parts of me. The acceptance from these ladies, who knew my history and loved and encouraged me despite knowing that which caused me so much shame, gave me the confidence to be known among my friends, my small group, and my church family.

I no longer live a dual life. I’m fully known and fully loved. God has used this community to teach me how to relate to my real life community. Through LHM’s support I am able to be fully engaged with my church and my friends without the shame of my past prohibiting me. I’m able to walk uprightly in honesty and repentance and serve and love others around me well. Recently the Lord has allowed me several opportunities to give the same grace He has given me through the ministry of LHM to others. I’m thankful for LHM and their ministry and how the Lord has used it to equip many like me to love the hurting and broken.

whose

#LoveWins?

By Amanda, 27, DFW

“Did you see that they legalized gay marriage?” This was the text I woke up to that Friday morning. All day long my social media feeds were flooded with rainbow-stained pictures and symbols. I knew the decision was coming, but didn’t know when. And just like that, I was flooded with emotions and reflections, and I was at a loss for words on what exactly was happening.

As I logged onto social media I saw four major categories of people. I saw my LGBT friends who were ecstatic. “Finally #lovewins” was on repeat. People were coming out as gay left and right this day.

Old friends and mentors came out as gay triumphantly and proudly. I could almost hear their shouts of joy through their tweets or Facebook statuses. Radio personalities who are gay stating this was the “most joyous day” of their lives.

I saw my Christian friends who also wanted to jump on the bandwagon with rainbow tinted profile pictures.

There were tweets and statuses such as “Thrilled for my friends and family who finally get their rights to marry!” or “Today is the best of days”. A shocking number of my fellow Christian friends fell into this category. Folks who I thought stood for what the Bible says about marriage, were drawn to what is popular and what will make friends.

I then saw my other Christian friends filled with bitterness. Stating that all “the gays” are going to burn in hell and ruin America. Or commenting harshly on progay statuses, only to stir conflict through a screen. These Christians were feeding into the bigotry that the LGBT community has expected Christians to display.

Last, there were the Christians that said nothing, not wanting to offend anyone, but not wanting to stand for truth. Not really knowing what to do or say or how to act. They just sort of went into hiding because they felt like outcasts.

I looked at all four of these groups of people and thought, “Wow, I don’t fit into any of these categories.” The longer I thought about this, the more I realized that at some point in my life I have fallen into each of these categories.

Growing up, my family didn’t talk about homosexuality. We were silent on the issue. I didn’t know what to think about it besides, “It was bad.”

I never talked about homosexuality because it was so taboo that it didn’t even need to be addressed. I was able to slide by with remaining silent on the issue until high school.

High school brought baggy pants, t-shirts, men’s basketball gear, and pretending I was into boys. I was the ultimate tomboy. Any time I wore a skirt or my hair was down, the constant chatter was, “Oh my gosh, Amanda

week, do everything but intercourse with any guy that would let me, even one that I didn’t want to. I began to be more accepting of the LGBT community.

“They can love whoever they want, it doesn’t bother me” I would say making friends along the way for being accepting of all, wanting to fill the “cool and chill” identity I had found.

The summer between my junior and senior years of college would prove significant as I found myself in a lesbian relationship with one of my friends, literally overnight. She went from drinking buddy to girlfriend in a matter of hours. It was then that the feelings felt natural. I felt like this is what I had been missing with guys all this time. We just clicked. If the SCOTUS ruling had happened during that summer I would have been as ecstatic as my LGBT friends were, seeking to drop everything for my

While I thought I was living the perfect little lesbian life, the Lord did not relent on his convictions that what I was doing was sin. has her hair down!” or “you need to wear your hair down more!” I was asked countless times if I was a lesbian because of my status as a basketball player, or I was called a dyke behind my back when they didn’t think I was listening. “That’s disgusting!” I’d reply, but secretly I was questioning if maybe they were right. I then began to hate anyone associated with the LGBT community. I would condemn them to hell with no hope even though I was neck deep in my own sin, addicted to masturbation, getting drunk every weekend I could, and acting out with guys to prove I wasn’t gay.

In college, I was still neck deep in my sin. I would get drunk multiple times a

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girlfriend.

Everything was dropped, though.

My friends, my grades, and my faith all dwindled. What didn’t change was the Lord’s pursuit after my heart. While I thought I was living the perfect little lesbian life, the Lord did not relent on his convictions that what I was doing was sin. Yet in these convictions, I sought anything that would tell me that living in this lifestyle was okay with the Lord, that I was told wrongly all my life, and that being gay really was okay. I found an ample amount of support for my gay lifestyle, even from church members whom I trusted. But God just didn’t quit on me. As I was satisfied in fulfilling my fleshly desires, my soul was dissatisfied and left longing for more.

When we ended our relationship, the emotional dependency did not end with it. She still controlled me and I still let her. Even if it was a fight, it was attention from her. I fell into a deep depression because I thought the Lord had taken the only person I had ever been in love with and who had ever been in love with me.

“It was not a magic formula to make me str aight, but Jesus to make me whole.”

After college, I stumbled my way to Living Hope. I was a mess, but the love, care and community I found at Living Hope was something I had not experienced before. I remember calling one of my friends after my first night at Living Hope and telling her how I finally found a place that I could be open, that teaches the truth and love of Jesus. I told her how I instantly felt a part of this group of believers, struggling with the same issues as I was, all seeking after the Lord together.

The teachings by Ricky, the counseling sessions with D’Ann and the retreats were all centered on Jesus and the Bible.

It was not a magic formula to make me straight, but Jesus to make me whole.

Living Hope taught me how to read my Bible, something so simple I had been doing all my life, but without true life change. LHM taught me boundaries and how I had them all wrong. I learned how to have a relationship with Christ through the examples of leadership at LHM, watching them in their own walks and struggles. I learned what it means to struggle well. I learned that it’s okay and good to be vulnerable and have feelings and emotions. I learned that

Jesus is worth this fight. I learned what healthy relationships are supposed to look like and was able to practice this within the confines of Living Hope.

I then was able to take what I had learned about forming healthy relationships at Living Hope to my church. After being highly encouraged

by Living Hope to form healthy community at my church, there I finally experienced what Biblical community was supposed to look like. Through my home group and recovery groups, I was open with others outside of Living Hope about my struggle with same sex attraction and was only met with grace, love, and open arms. They didn’t think I was gross or too jacked up to be a part of their community. I was finally fully known and fully loved by both my community at church and Living Hope. The way my church has loved and cared for me through home groups and recovery has been transformational in my walk with the Lord. All this I would not have gotten if it were not for the lessons I learned on forming healthy relationships at Living Hope.

Not even a week after the SCOTUS ruling I found myself crying to my pastor as he prayed over me at a prayer night. I was so heartbroken to see so many Christians being deceived by what will make them popular or gain them friends. I was heartbroken to see the first person I could call a mentor come out as a lesbian. I was heartbroken that all these people seemed happy with their significant others and I was still alone, desiring a husband. I thought, “God I want the marriage you have laid

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out in your Word, yet these people get to be married and I’m still all alone?

Something’s not right!”

“I don’t want to remain silent. I’ve seen both sides and know the truth.”

Then I remembered the life-sucking experience it was to be in a lesbian relationship. I remembered how much sweeter it is to be with Jesus and in fellowship with his people–to choose life and freedom. I remembered that had I not gone through this, I would have continued on the shallow walk with the Lord I had been on. I remembered how grateful I am for Living Hope and my church. They kept loving me like Jesus and not giving up on me when I fell to sin or wanted to go back to old sins and they faithfully kept pointing me to Christ, even if I didn’t want to choose Him at the time.

I don’t hate the LGBT community.

I once was one of them. I don’t think they are above God’s grace and mercy.

I have received that. I don’t agree with gay marriage. I want what God has laid out for us all. I don’t want to remain silent. I’ve seen both sides and know the truth. I want to be bold and to share the goodness of the Lord’s grace for all sinners, because Jesus truly is better, and the Cross is truly enough.

Temptation to

Transformation

By Ricky Chelette, Executive Director the Lord. We might read a devotional or even open the Bible and dare to read a few verses or a chapter. Though this is good, don’t get me wrong, it is really a drop in the ocean compared to the amount of time we waste in our day living in the things of the world. No wonder we have such difficulty living holy lives. Everything around us is fallen and vying for our every attention. We grab a shot of the holy for a few moments in the morning and expect it to sustain us for the rest of the day!

We are all sinners. David makes it clear in his lament in Psalm 51. In Psalm 51:5 he states, “I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” We are people with hearts inclined toward evil. It is sad, but it is true.

For those of us aware of our sin, the sheer persistence of our sin can sometimes overwhelm us. We sometimes feel as though we are in a constant battle against seemingly insurmountable resistance – our flesh – and it often wins.

But think about how different your day would be if you pursued the Lord with the same intensity, persistence and determination as you pursue your favorite sin? Oh my! For some of us, we would end up spending hours every day thinking about, planning for, and partaking in the things of the Lord. He would occupy the majority of our thoughts. He would be everpresent in our minds. He would be constantly a part of our very presence. We would be changed people.

Some feel they are simply tired of fighting the same thing over and over only to fall yet again. Granted, this kind of yo-yo battle with sin is indeed exhausting, but it should be expected. Paul in Romans 7 indicates that even he, the great apostle, was in a battle with sin. David certainly had to deal with his sin as evidence in the passage from Psalm 51. Proverbs 24:16 also tells us “the righteous man falls seven times, but rises again.” While on this earth we are going to battle with sin.

Would such a life be too radical for most of us? After all, we don’t want to truly stand out as people of the Jesus Way, do we? It is much easier to go to Chick-fil-a and buy something to demonstrate our commitment to marriage rather than actually be committed to our spouses with tenderness and love. It is far easier to install a blocker on our computer than it is to guard our hearts. As fallen humans we are more inclined towards the easy, showy, obvious signs and symbols of transformation rather than the deep soul-work that must accompany real change.

But how do we continue to get up and move towards holiness if we are constantly in this battle against our own wicked hearts that scheme to cooperate with our fallen world? The answer may be more obvious than you think: Realize that the work of Christ on the cross has delivered us from the bondage of sin. The way you think determines the way you act. Thinking always precedes behaving. That means we are no longer bound to the things of this world. In fact, Paul talks about this freedom from sin in Romans 6 and John puts it this way in Revelation 1:5-6, “To him [Jesus] who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood and made us a kingdom, priests to his God and Father…” We must walk in that reality and believe that Christ has indeed set us free.

We have been left with this body of flesh for a reason. It is not to defeat us, but so that “His power might be made perfect in our weakness, therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Cor. 12:9).

So the next time you feel the tug of your lower nature, use it as a reminder to seek the Lord. Rather than indulging your fleshly passion, pursue the Person who has given His life to set you free.

Rather than give in, how about you give yourself up to the One who loves you and died for you? Rather than follow sin and its friends, follow Jesus and take up your cross. Use your temptations for opportunities for transformation. The transformation will be evident. Jesus will radically change your life!

But we must also realize that our temptation to sin, that nagging tug which rears its ugly head regularly, can be used as a tool for holiness. If we see our temptation as a reminder of just how much we really need Jesus and run to Him, rather than from Him, we will discover how sufficient He really is. If you want to see radical change in your life, spend as much time seeking the Lord as you do your sin.

The truth is most of us think we are stellar Christians if we manage to eek out a thirty minute “quiet time” once a day with

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By Ricky Chelette, Executive Director desire, or are attracted to. We deny certain foods when we want to lose weight. We deny feelings of rage when someone treats us unfairly in traffic. We deny sexual attractions towards others to whom we are not married. We deny our feelings to go 100 mph on the highway when we are late to work. Denial is really a very big part of what it means to be civil, obedient, and live in civilized community. We simply cannot do whatever we feel, whenever we feel it, wherever we feel it. If we did, we would all live in anarchy.

It’s hard to believe that life is not about us, isn’t it? We are constantly reminded that our greatest good is to satisfy the longings of our heart – no matter what those longings might be.

If you are hungry, super-size it.

If you are hurting, medicate it.

If you are lonely, connect to it.

If you are happy, indulge in it.

If you are attracted to it, embrace it.

But whatever you do, don’t endure discomfort, in any form, and don’t even contemplate the idea of submitting your feelings to some greater good. We are a pleasure-seeking people.

Jesus understands our predicament clearly in giving this command. He knows the hearts of all His creation and He knows our inclination towards sin. He knows we are incapable of doing personal denial and submission without His empowerment. It is because He knows us that He makes such a demand the very bedrock of what it means to truly follow Him. If we are not actively denying something in our lives (sometimes many things) we are not truly following Jesus with radical, saving faith.

As I read the Scriptures I see our pleasure-seeking as a war between selfishness and selflessness. I see people in Scripture - from Adam and Eve in the garden of the Old Testament to the apostles walking with Jesus in the New Testament - in a constant battle between meeting their personal desires/feelings, and denying those desires/feelings for some greater good – particularly the good of the Kingdom.

Jesus also says we have to take up our cross. People today seem to equate “our cross” with particular inconveniences or difficulties they might experience in life: an illness, a wayward child, a difficult boss, or a financial struggle. Though these things are all significant and burdensome, I do not believe this is the meaning Christ intended in His call. The ancient world understood the cross with a singular meaning: death. The call to take up our cross is really a call to take up death. And what a blessed call it is! Paul grasped the magnitude of that call when he wrote in Romans 6 of the freedom only found when we fully embrace what it means to be in Christ and to be partakers in the death of Christ.

When I look at the call of Jesus to his followers in Mark 8:34, the call seems so simple, but incredibly difficult: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” This is a radical call in three seemingly impossible directives: Deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus.

For those struggling with unwanted same gender attractions, this means despite very strong sexual feelings and/or attractions we have towards those of the same gender, we must align our lives with not simply what we feel, but what we see revealed in the Word of God as truth.

“5 For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his.

6 We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no Continues on page 30

As difficult as this may sound and is, this is really not any different than what all fallen and sinful humans have to do if they want to be a Jesus disciple. We all feel all kinds of things each and every day. But none of us gets to do everything we feel,

The Freedom of

RADICAL SURRENDER 27

Raising A

Sensitive Son

Rough and tumble guys have a particular way of communicating. They tend to be matter-of-fact in their communication and their words center more on actions and results than on feelings and emotions.

By Ricky Chelette, Executive Director “He’s a wonderful young man.” “He’s the best student in my class.” “He’s such a good and caring young man.” These are just some of the comments parents often hear of a sensitive son. His mom and dad never have to fear a teacher conference.

They know they will be met with accolades and congratulations for raising such a fine boy. But as dad listens to the praise of his son he wonders why he has such a tough time connecting to his gifted and talented son. He thinks his son is different, and he is. He doesn’t really know his son, but mom does. She’s deeply connected to her son and she seems to understand him in ways dad does not.

This is not the language of the sensitive son. Sensitive boys see the world with acute and magnified vision. It is as though they have a giant magnifying glass attached to the lens of their soul. Everything that happens near them, to them, or around them, they experience much more profoundly than their rough and tumble counterparts. Though deeply concerned with truth and facts, they are equally fascinated by emotions and feelings and often communicate in more emotive terms. They often view life as one large integrated reality with each individual part only contributing to the greater symphony of beauty and tragedy that is life. They often believe they have been created to impact the world around them in profound and powerful ways. They are also generally very gifted and talented young men.

It is not that dad does not try to be connected to his son. In fact, dad can recount each time he invited his son to do something with him: pitch the ball in the front yard, go on a fishing trip, join him for an early morning hunt, assist him in the garage as he works on the family car, watch the Monday night football game, and so many more, but always with the same response: “No thanks dad!”

When a rough and tumble dad tries to engage with a sensitive son, it is like the collision of two different cultures with radically different languages embarking on negotiations for which neither has been provided a translator. Frustration, aggravation and withdrawl are often the result; each feeling the other is not truly trying or engaging in real intimacy. It is exhausting and in some cases, hurtful for all involved.

In many ways, dad feels like he is an outsider in his son’s life, watching from the sidelines as his little boy lives in what seems to be another reality or a different world. Dad does not like being disconnected, but he doesn’t know what to do to make it different.

I’m often asked by dads what can a dad do to bridge this gap, to navigate these uncharted waters, and find real connection and intimacy with their sensitive sons. Of course, there is no pat answer that works for every situation. But after working for more than thirty years with sensitive males, I do have some suggestions:

The truth is, there is nothing wrong with the son or the dad.

This dad simply has a sensitive son and dad, like the majority of men, is more likely a rough and tumble man.

Rough and tumble men tend to express their emotions in physical ways. This is most readily seen in their early childhood. When happy, a rough and tumble boy might jump up and down or roughly hug his mom, little sister or family pet.

When angry, he might punch a hole in the wall, throw and break his favorite toy or hit someone. If excited, he might tackle his sister, kick the cat or swing from the chandelier in joy. Rough and tumble boys grow up to be rough and tumble men and though they learn more constraint in the personal expression of their emotional feelings, they are still drawn to the physicality inherent in games like football, basketball, baseball and soccer.

They can still punch a wall, break a possession, or spin the wife wildly in the air, but like all of us, they moderate their passions with good sense.

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1.

Be the man of God you have been called to be. Your congruence of faith and life is paramount for you to have credibility with your son. You must live what you say you believe. Your deep and abiding relationship in Christ will be intriguing to your son.

2.

Tell him you love him often and specifically. Your words are the most powerful words in his life. He needs to hear “I love you” and not simply when he is doing something good. He needs to know you love him simply because he is a gift from God given to your care.

3.

Spend one-on-one time with your son and look him in

the eye when you communicate with him. “Date” your son. Designate one day a week or every few weeks to go to dinner together, go for a hike, or visit a museum where just the two of you can communicate. He doesn’t need a lecture in these times, but is looking for someone to hear his concerns and dreams and affirm his life.

4.

5.

6.

perceptiveness, he will likely already know something is up. Sharing, appropriately, what is going on relieves his anxiety and invites him to proactively participate in life with you, valuing him as a “man” as he joins you in prayer.

Love his mother and his sisters (should he have any) deeply and gently. Because he is closely connected emotionally to these significant women in his life, your care for them communicates your sensitivity and awareness of people he greatly values. If there is disharmony between his mom and you, he may be inclined to take her side and take up her cause.

Story your life with him so he knows who you are and how you survived life. These boys love a great story because to them, all of life is a grand movie in which they are a principle player. Let your son know specific things you went through at his age. Share your successes, but especially your failures. He needs to experience you as a hero, but also as a real person who has traversed the path he now travels.

Be vulnerable and not invincible. Life is hard and though I don’t believe you should share every detail of every difficulty with your young son, he does need to know when you are having a tough time. Invite him to pray for you and be sure to share with him how those prayers are answered or how God comes through for you in those difficult times. Because of his sensitivity and

7.

Be an emotionally and relationally healthy person yourself. If you are prone to anger, rage, depression, anxiety or episodes of manic behaviors, get them under control. The sensitive boy will pick up on these disturbances and feel personally responsible for their resolution.

8.

Learn to say, “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong.” Three simple words that communicate love and value. We all make mistakes and when we admit them, repent of them, and move forward, your son learns a valuable lesson in life: how to fail without being a failure.

9.

Affirm his God-given gifts even when they are different than yours – in fact, even because they are different than yours. Your son is unique just as you are. He needs to know that his uniqueness is not “weird,” “gay,” or “freaky,” but the special way God has gifted him to contribute to God’s glory in the world. He needs to know you approve of his gifts/talents and value him as a man as he walks in those gifts.

10. Verbalize your admiration of him early and often. Let him know you are proud of him. “I’m proud of you,” is a Continued on page 30

“If you have a sensitive son, know that you have been given a great gift... Raise [him] well and bless the Kingdom and the world!”

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Continued from page 27

Continued from page 29

longer be enslaved to sin. 7 For one who has died has been set free from sin.” (Romans 6:5-7, ESV)

life changing and life-giving word to every young man.

Your verbalization of his good deeds and kind heart lets him know he meets and/or exceeds your expectations and you value him.

Our denial of self allows us to then surrender to all Christ demands of us. It is only when we deny ourselves that we can fully identify with Him in His death. When we mortify the flesh, we are no longer bound by its sinful demands – we are trulyl set free!

11. Become interested in the things that he is interested in.

Invest deeply in his passions even when they are not your passions or interest. If he loves ballet, learn what a pirouette is. If he loves architecture, read some books on architectural styles and be able to identify ionic columns or Frank Lloyd Wright design.

And finally, Jesus then commands us to “follow me [Jesus].”

A brilliant conclusion to this radical call for we are truly unable to follow such a selfless, other-centered Savior, if we do not first deny ourselves and take up death. When we are freed from the encumbrances of this earthly flesh in radical surrender, we are truly free to follow Jesus in whatever difficult and even deadly path He may lead. Life is no longer about me and my desires, but about finding joy in selfless abandon to His will.

12. Listen more than you talk. Though he wants to hear from you he longs to know he is truly heard by you.

Reflect to him the things he is telling you to be sure you are hearing him correctly. Make yourself notes of important events, dates, and things that he particularly likes/enjoys. Check on those events or ask about those things he loves.

Some argue all this denying and dying is so limiting, so restricting, and so unfulfilling, but I would argue the very opposite is true. It is only when we completely surrender and follow that we are truly free and no longer enslaved by the fleshly desires that are warring against the Spirit. Jesus put it this way, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:35-36, ESV)

13. Let him know you are thinking about him when he is not around. Nothing says you are important to me than to know that you are on someone’s mind when you are not present with them. Take a picture of something you see that you think he would like and text/send it to him.

Text him at unexpected times that you love him and are praying for him; you are proud that he is your son. Buy his favorite gum, candy, comic book, author, or video game and give it to him, “just because you are my boy and I love you.”

At Living Hope Ministries we believe the Gospel is a radical call to submit all that we are to the control and leading of God. We believe it is in this surrender that we not only find who we really are, but we discover the richness and beauty of who He has created us to be. It is in radical surrender that we find true freedom to glorify God. Really, it’s not about me: It’s all about Jesus and His glory!

14. Let him see you cry or at least see that you have real emotions. He needs to know you have a heart and especially one that loves him. Let him know your dreams and hopes for him, and let him see how passionate you are in your love for him and your family.

15. When giving correction, always begin with praise for what he is doing right before telling him about what he needs to improve. Because of his sensitivity and tendency for perfectionism, he will always hear correction like it is being shouted from a megaphone.

Subtly is king here, so a little goes a long way.

If you have a sensitive son, know that you have been given a great gift. Though they can have difficulty fitting in at school, they often will excel in college and university. They can develop into amazing men of God who can radically change the world and affect the Kingdom! They are the Billy Grahams, the Martin Luther King, Jrs., the Mozarts and the Handels of their generation. It is no wonder they are so targeted by the evil one and tormented and bullied by peers. They are world-changers and life-givers. They are the preachers, musicians, artists, dancers, creators and visionaries of our day. Raise them well and bless the Kingdom and the world!

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How Can Living Hope Ministries

Help You? Participants must be active members of LHM in house or online to participate and agree to the conduct and confidentiality agreements of Living Hope Ministries.

Living Hope Ministries offers a variety of services to help those who are struggling with sexual and relational brokenness, homosexuality, and those who love them.

Support Groups

Online Support

We offer FREE weekly support groups for: • Men • Women • Young Adults (up to 26) • Friends and Family • Wives of men with same gender attractions

LHM offers the world’s largest, FREE, moderated, online support forums, open 24/7. You must complete an application online and be approved. Our online support mirrors our in-house offerings.

Education

These meetings are confidential and a person must go through an intake interview prior to attending the group. Intakes can be arranged by calling our office at 817-459-2507, Monday - Friday, 10a-6p or by emailing us at info@livehope.org. We offer groups at the following campuses: • Arlington, TX • Bryan/College Station, TX • Denton, TX • Charleston, SC • Friendswood, TX

LHM offers free education to the church, universities, seminaries, and community on understanding homosexuality and gender development as well as how to have a Christ-like, redemptive response to those who are struggling with their sexuality. We also have teachings on sexual addiction, masculinity, femininity, raising gender-healthy children, and a host of customizable teachings on sexual and relational wholeness. For more information or to book one of our staff, please call or email info@livehope.org.

See our website for contact info and for specific group offerings at each campus. (If there is no location near you, we duplicate all these groups online through our online support ministry.)

Living Waters Living Waters is a closed, intensive, discipleship program and a fee is charged for this group. Living Waters is offered once per year for 21 weeks, beginning January. Register online.

Retreats Retreats are concentrated times of exploration, examination, worship and fellowship. In the midst of God’s creation individuals are encouraged to experience God in deep and personal ways. Worship, Bible Study, and teaching are parts of these red-letter events.

• Thursday through Sunday retreat for young adults (18-26) in the Spring.

• Friday through Sunday retreat for adults 27+ in the Spring.

Mentoring Pastoral mentoring/counseling is offered on a limited basis for those with same sex attractions or their family members. You must call or email for an appointment.

Online Resources Visit our website for articles, testimonies, resources and products at www.livehope.org. Also download our free LHM app for smartphone and tablets.

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