2014 Living Hope Ministries Magazine

LIVING HOPE MINISTRIES

The Change He Has Made No More Fear An Affair to Forget No Longer a Slave Coming Out... Whole My Addiction Defining Biblical Femininity 1

Our Mission Living Hope Ministries seeks to proclaim God’s truth as we journey with those seeking sexual and relational wholeness through a mroe intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

TABLE OF CONTENTS The Gospel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 Change. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 Men of the Word . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 Stepping Into History. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Blessed Women. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 The Change He Has Made. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 No More Fear. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 No Longer a Slave . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14 A Real Woman? Defining Biblical Femininity . . . 18 My Addiction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 23 A Letter from East Asia. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

If you would like to have Living Hope Staff speak at your church or group, please contact us at info@livehope.org or through our website at ww.livehope.org

No More Walls. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25 An Affair to Forget . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 Coming Out... Whole. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28

Front and back cover photos, staff photos, red chair, and photos on pages 2, 3, 9, 15-17, are by Chris.

How Can Living Hope Help You?. . . . . . . . . . 31 Do We Call Things Off? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32

Living Hope Ministries, Inc., is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization. All gifts and donations are tax deductible. © 2014 Living Hope Ministries, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part must cite Living Hope Ministries, www. livehope.org and author’s name when given.

Visit our website, www.livehope.org, for more information or to contact us.

Thank You Living Hope!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32 Partner Churches. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34 Crushing Idols. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35 2

The Gospel

The headlines and newscasts are replete with the message that change is impossible and homosexuality is immutable.

Some argue its causes -- nurture vs. nature -- while others invent new sexual identities never before imagined. In the mix of it all, people are hurting, lives are being destroyed, families are at war, and our Heavenly Father grieves. In a world of complexities where feelings trump truth and perception is always reality, the simple beauty of the transformational power of the Gospel has somehow been forgotten.

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” (John 15:18-19, ESV)

For 25 years Living Hope Ministries has been big on the Gospel because we believe it is the only hope of redemption for all humanity.

We believe God marvelously created humans to glorify Him and steward the Earth. But we are also keenly aware that in the midst of the beauty, we are all sinners, falling short of the glory of God. We are unable to save ourselves. We need a Savior. Jesus is that Savior.

As we anticipate the new year and new opportunities, we are excited.

We are committed to creating more resources for those seeking to live by God’s design for sexuality.

We believe Jesus really lived, and loved, and died on our behalf. We believe His sacrifice of Himself on the cross rescues mankind from the penalty of our sin and allows us to flourish in ways beyond our imaginations. We believe we fully thrive as created beings when we are wholly identified in Him. We believe that with the Gospel, change is not only possible, it is required.

• • •

At Living Hope we have seen lots of change this past year: • We added a Young Men’s Director.

• We saw significant growth in our women’s ministry.

• We saw our attendance at the Denton campus increase.

• We had to temporarily suspend our Bryan/College Station because our director, Brock, was diagnosed with leukemia.

• We saw men and women marry, children born, and other children about to be born from couples at LHM. • We saw increasing numbers of churches requesting help and information.

• We saw the Supreme Court refuse to address same-sex marriage, allowing lower court rulings to stand, thereby opening the door for more states to approve same-sex marriage.

• We saw LHM maligned and labeled a hate group in local and national publications.

• • • •

•

We will be publishing a book of devotions for women who are dealing with same gender attractions.

We are creating materials to assist parents in raising gender healthy children.

We are increasing our satellite campuses to Friendswood/ Houston, Texas and Charleston, South Carolina.

We are launching an app so those seeking help can be encouraged, educated and inspired.

We are developing new video materials.

We are editing hundreds of hours of LHM teachings and making those teachings available to our members.

We are continuing to educate the church and community to Biblically, redemptively, and graciously respond to our sexually confused culture.

We are continuing to offer in-person and online support to young adults, men, women, families and friends, and wives of men who struggle.

All of offerings come at a price of time, talent and staff. We have only come this far because of your faithful and generous support.

The world is trying to silence the Truth of God’s Word. We are tying to set the captives free.

In the midst of it all, we have stayed the course and continue to journey with those seeking sexual and relational wholeness through Christ.

We know the days ahead are going to be difficult, but we also know the help and support we offer will be more needed than ever.

We ask that you pray for the protection of LHM. We ask that you support our work. We ask that you pray the scales will be lifted from the eyes of those who have been deceived so that the beauty of the Gospel might be fully realized in the lives of men, women, youth, and families across our world.

None of these things should be a surprise to those who follow Christ. He warned us of these very times.

Rev. Ricky Chelette, Executive Director

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Change Change! What is change? This is certainly a hot button topic in our culture today.

Perhaps the question we should ask is “What is the Gospel?” Does the Gospel have the power to change lives? For 25 years Living Hope Ministries has steadfastly proclaimed that it does.

of my LHM small groups at one time.

He is now married to a woman who was also special to me. We had e-mailed off and on and she was a part of a group that got together at a local restaurant each week after our meetings.

We happened to be in the lobby of the hotel at the same time and they For the past 20 years it has been my introduced me to their daughter. As I privilege to be a part of Living Hope looked at this beautiful and sweet child, Ministries. During the course of over 50 I was suddenly overcome with emotions. years of ministry I’ve been a part of many This child is God’s miracle as are her ministries and organizations. None have parents. I realized she would not exist impacted my own life as Living Hope. had it not been for the miracle of the Gospel, the miracle of change, through At my first national conference Dr. Bill the ministry of Living Hope.

Consiglio, one of the long time leaders in this area of ministry came and sat Many today want to deny this change beside me in the lobby. I explained to and the opportunity for others to him that I didn’t really know why I was experience it. But LHM continues to at the conference -- I had no personal proclaim a living hope and continue to connection to this issue, but I did have proclaim the Gospel. This is the power a strong sense that God led me there. of the cross.

We talked for a few minutes and then he said something I’ve never forgotten. Jimmy Draper, a former president of “Well, pastor, l’ll tell you this. When the Southern Baptist Convention and you see what God is doing in the lives President emeritus of Lifeway Christian of the men and women in this ministry resources said, “If we believe the Gospel you will know that nothing is too hard then when one becomes a believer he is for Him.” I’ve seen the truth of that over a ‘new creature.’ That demands change! and over.

To suggest that a change in lifestyle is not possible is to betray clear teachings Last year I participated in a seminar in a of the Scripture.” church near Beaumont, Texas. The other speaker was a man who had been in one

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One of my favorite songs says: Oh to see my name written in the wounds.

For through your sufferings I am free.

Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live, won through your selfless love.

This the power of the cross, Son of God slain for us.

What a love, what a cost.

We stand forgiven at the cross.

This is the power of the cross! I encourage you to join hands with Living Hope Ministries and continue to hold out the hope of the Gospel.

“The Power of the Cross” Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend Copyright 2005 Thankyou Music

Rev. Bob Stith, Chairman of the Board

Men of the

Word

The past several weeks I’ve been meditating on the goodness of God in relationship to Living Hope Ministries 25th anniversary celebration. What are we celebrating? I believe we are celebrating lives transformed by the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Years ago a spiritual mentor shared that an overview of his ministry led him to I Corinthians 3:10-15. Much of his work had rendered what this passage refers to as wood, hay and straw; the busy work of maintaining a ministry. He identified the gold, silver and precious stones as the investment he made in people; growing them up in the Lord.

Living Hope Ministries remains firmly planted on the foundation of Jesus.

My participation in Living Hope for the past 24 years has yielded lasting fruit in my life in many ways because of the commitment those leading this ministry have to the unyielding, uncompromised, Word of God. Matthew 7:24-25 says, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.…”(NIV) Week after week for 25 years, LHM has continued proclaiming the transformational power of the gospel through teaching the Word, compassionately loving and caring for those who are struggling, and refusing to be moved by the winds of false doctrine so many in our world today have accepted.

The past several years it’s been my privilege to serve as the Director of Men’s Ministry. Every time I meet

Rev. Darrel Auvenshine, Men’s Ministry Director

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with our small groups or one-on-one is truly a fulfilling experience. These are men who want to walk with Jesus and experience freedom from sexual sin.

These are men who are willing to count the cost each day and fight for their lives, their families and their future.

Men and their families encounter Living Hope at various stages in their journey with Christ. Some are recent followers of Jesus who have embraced a homosexual identity for many years, while others were raised in the church and have served as leaders in the church while struggling with this secret sin.

LHM is for many, the first place a man feels he can be completely honest and begin to recognize or establish the foundation of truth which his new or renewed life in Christ will be built upon.

What a joy to be part of LHM. I celebrate each time I have the opportunity to tell someone, “we are here and we will be here”. Steadfast to the call of God to provide faith, hope and love to those in our world who have otherwise felt hopeless and alone in their battle with sin, Living Hope Ministries remains firmly planted on the foundation of Jesus and is a refuge allowing multitudes to withstand the storm, immerging victoriously and equipped to live in truth and holiness.

Stepping Into

History

2014 will go down as a special year for me with regard to the Young Men’s Ministry at Living Hope!

In June of this year, I was offered the chance to come on staff full-time as the Young Men’s Ministry Director in addition to my role in assisting the Executive Director.

As Living Hope continues to grow, it became more and more apparent that our young men needed someone who could walk with them in a consistent way in addition to just our weekly support group meetings. It has been an incredible privilege to step into that position as we journey towards Jesus together.

For many of our young men, stepping into our office or signing up for our online support forums is the very first time they have publically acknowledged their sexual brokenness. Every week, our young men deal with the fears of talking about their same-sex attraction with church leadership or their small groups. They share openly and honestly about the difficulty in submitting their sin to Jesus in every area of their life.

These men willingly let us see and speak into the most painful pieces of their lives looking for the hope that only Jesus can bring. We have the incredible opportunity to share with them a vision of a life with Jesus beyond their feelings and addictions. We never promise an easy journey, but always promise that we will be there with them for as long as they want us to be here.

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This year has also been a time of transition for the young men’s group.

As older leaders move into other areas of ministry with their home churches and small groups, we have begun identifying and training the next generation of small group leaders who will facilitate our groups in Dallas and beyond. It is a beautiful sight to see young men who came into our group hopeless and desperate now leading from a deep trust in who Jesus is and the men He has made them to be.

These group leaders serve out of their own free time, and give up a night a week to serve the young men of Living Hope. I am continually thankful for their faithful service in what can be a difficult area of ministry.

The future is exciting for the Young Men’s Ministry at Living Hope. I’m excited because our strength and our growth are gifts of God that I get to experience every day alongside the men who attend our groups. God has abundantly blessed us beyond reason up until now, and I have faith, that despite an increasing opposition to our existence, He will keep us and sustain the work He began 25 years ago well into the future.

Sam Parrish, Young Men’s Ministry Director

W

hat a blessed year it has been for the Women’s Ministry of Living Hope! God has been at work in the lives of His daughters in the Living Hope family. We have had the privilege of seeing many changes in women’s lives individually, and in the group as a whole. We have had more women consistently participate in our in-house ministry than ever before. More women attended our 2014 Adult Retreat than we have ever seen, and our online ministry has never been stronger in the Women’s Forums. Most importantly, though, beyond the numbers, our women are maturing in the Lord, blossoming in their femininity, and rising up to lead others within our ministry and in their respective churches around DFW and the world.

We held our third annual Women’s Day in May, where LHM women were able to learn practical tools for connecting with other women and were encouraged by a few testimonies of men and women who have experienced redemptive change through the Gospel. One of our small group leaders who found healing and freedom at Living Hope had her first child this year. We have seen continued baptisms as women have cast aside the sin that so easily entangles and sought to walk in freedom and obedience to Christ. New small group leaders have been trained up to accommodate our numeric growth, and I am excited to see what God has in the future for our beloved ladies!

Blessed Women

This year we hope to witness continued growth and maturity in our women as they seek to live lives worthy of the callings they have received. This summer we were able to film the teaching on gender development in women, and we hope this will be a valuable resource for those all over the world who are looking for hope and for answers. I am currently working on a book of devotions for women seeking help that will have an easy-to-read

guide that incorporates the Scriptures into their everyday battle to walk in holiness and purity amidst their struggles. We are seeking to develop more resources that will aid women in their healing journey with the Lord and equip churches to better minister to their members who struggle with

One of our small group leaders who found healing and freedom at Living Hope had her first child this year.

women who truly long for Him and seek to love and encourage one another toward love and good deeds. His work is not done in them! And for some, His work in this area of their lives is just beginning.

Pray for the women of Living Hope.

Pray for those who have not yet heard about what God is doing here, and pray that they might find us. Pray for our resource development and for our leaders. I am hopeful that 2015 will be an even more fruitful year for our ladies. Please, through prayer, invest and sow into His kingdom work in their lives!

gender confusion and sexual and relational brokenness.

Looking back on 2014 encourages me and excites me to see what God has in store for the women of Living Hope.

He has been so faithful and generous to us in bringing us so many beautiful 7

D’Ann Davis, Women’s Ministry Director

The

CHANGE He Has Made

by James, 33

I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Christ at an early age. I was at church every Sunday, and my parents served in different positions in the various churches we attended as I was growing up. My dad drove charter buses all over the state. His job took him away for a week or two at a time, would bring him home for two to three days and then he would head back out. My mom was a secretary.

They were trying their best to keep food on the table for two kids.

My sister, who is two years younger than I, was born with a heart murmur and had open-heart surgery very shortly after she was born. A temporary valve was put in and was scheduled to be replaced with a permanent valve when she was five.

Four days after my seventh birthday, three months before her fifth, she went in for this second surgery and did not come out. This wrecked my family, my church…my entire world.

Shortly after, my parents divorced.

Fast forward a little bit, and my parents both re-married other people. My step-mom had three college-aged children. My step-father had two sons, one of which was already out of the house and the second only a year and a half older than me. I became the youngest of my five step-siblings, and tension between all of my parents was continually mounting.

In junior high, I was encouraged to take a Theatre Arts class. Under protest, I agreed, but soon found

when I had a performance my family would come, clap for me and tell me how great I was. This affirmation filled a place in my heart I did not realize was empty. I began to work for the affirmation of my father and my step-father.

My relationship with my dad was strained, and my relationship with my step-father was volatile. I later realized they both were dealing with their own brokenness, but our interactions in the meantime left me empty, longing for something more.

I wanted someone – my dad and step dad – to tell me who I was, that I was a man, that I had what it took, that they were proud of me just for being theirs and not because of what I could do.

I was wrong.

So wrong that one day I seriously considered ending my life.

I drove home from an internet hookup, hot tears flowing down my cheeks, surmising that my broken heart was un-repairable. Running upstairs, I shut my door, sat on the end of my bed and stared at the machete hanging on my wall.

“Is this all there is to life? Pain and more pain?”

“How could I do this? I’m a Christian!!!”

“Does God love me anymore?”

“Is there really a God?” These questions swirled around the storm in my head like a twister.

Nothing made sense anymore.

Everything in my heart was broken…I felt like I had only one option.

The slippery slope of contending for affirmation from my fathers led me deeper and deeper into the clutches of fear, anxiety, frustration, the illusion of control, and always ended in shame.

I found myself looking up at the When I discovered internet ceiling and praying aloud as pornography in high school, I am free I wailed, “God, if You’re real, I began to medicate my I need to see You NOW!” from the broken heart with its lies night after night. lies I once Suddenly, my eyes felt embraced. overloaded with tears. My All along, I was in church body began to shake and I every week. I led small could feel my heart being groups, a worship team, and was ripped into millions of pieces. considered a pillar in the youth group.

Somehow in the mental chaos, I fell Pornography fueled a relentless asleep. curiosity of what manliness really was and led me by the hand to Three hours later I woke up. I had no homosexuality’s door. I began to act idea what had happened. out, thinking that a physical touch could fill the emptiness within.

“Did I kill myself?”

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James, 33

“Do I feel any pain?”

I began to examine my surroundings and realized that I was not dead, but my face hurt.

I reluctantly reached up to touch my face and found that I was wearing the biggest smile imaginable! I don’t know if it is possible to sleep with a smile on your face, but it felt like I had been smiling for a long, long time.

Suddenly, something filled my heart I had never felt before – peace.

Like a sudden flash, I had a peace that superseded my circumstances.

I knew there was a God, I knew He loved me and I knew He had forgiven me. What’s more, I felt the warmth of being clean. There was no shame – no shame!!! It was an unreal moment; one that has defined me every day since!

That was 14 years ago this August. It feels like three lifetimes ago, so foreign, so far away.

Shortly after that day, I was introduced to Living Hope Ministries by a friend who was struggling with Same Gender Attraction. I found a community of

brothers and sisters who could relate to the power struggle of affirmation, control, fear, sexuality and all my pet sins. I was given language that helped me understand my experience and a solid biblical foundation for moving forward. More than all of that, I was reintroduced to a God who loved me so much that He gave everything so I could live.

Psalm 40 is a life chapter for me. It describes my journey perfectly. “I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.” (Ps 40:1-3 ESV) It has been a long road, make no mistake about that.

But I stand before you today free! I am free from the lies I once embraced, or rather free from the lies that fully 9

entangled me. I have found Jesus really is who His Word says He is.

And since He is who He says He is, I am who He says that I am – washed, clean, forgiven, heir to the promise, a chosen race, holy and loved! And not only that, but I have been given reconciliation on all sides. I have been reconciled with my Heavenly Father. I have been reconciled with my earthly fathers. I regularly counsel others who struggle with SGA. And now I am raising my three children in the truth of who God made them to be.

Thank you, Living Hope, for being there for me and for pointing me to the God who takes great delight in seeking and saving those who are lost.

No More

by Brent, 33

FEAR 10

“If it had not been for the Lord on my side, tell me where would I be, where would I be?”

There was a brokenness that seemed to permeate through every part of me. I had a very difficult time in school. I was emotionally immature and had a violent streak, and was labeled as the crazy kid early on.

This song resonates within me – so much so that the mere words of this song bring tears to my eyes. In the many times I have given my testimony, I always describe my family as being like the Cosby family. Although there is truth in everyone else’s perception of my family, it was not the life we led.

So imagine my surprise and delight when I started to notice that it was more than emotions that started to change within me. Because of my early sexual awakening, puberty hit hard and fast, and I found myself addicted to masturbation and pornography. I was so consumed by sex that it was in every waking thought in my head. I obsessed about it: what it felt like, what it looked like, what it sounded like. My lust and obsession consumed my life. I will never forget the day in high school that I stole a magazine from one of my favorite bookstores; it is one of my lowest points. My obsession with porn eventually led to acting out with both boys and girls.

My first sexual experience was at 11 and without realizing it, it put my family and myself in a world of hurt.

I grew up in the suburbs, where life may have seemed perfect, but was far from it. My father was a football coach and my mother worked for a telecommunication company.

My father was gone for much of my teenage years because of a profound dedication to his craft. He was an amazing coach, but he would be the first to tell you he did not know how to deal with me. I was a voracious reader and avid writer. I loved talking deeply more than outdoor things. I was very emotional and cried about everything. In short, I was the antithesis of the athlete he wanted to raise. In the early years of my life, we were both very confused about how to relate to each other. I took his verbal insults and physical discipline as if I was an orphaned child being desecrated by a stranger. He saw me as a child needing discipline for lack of follow-through and a boy who needed to toughen up. For a very long time, I did not understand who he was or what drove him to do the things he did. I did not know how to connect to him or how to fight back.

Despite this, God had big things in store for our family.

At some point in my early life I was abused sexually. I don’t say this to be vague or matter of fact, but simply because I don’t remember any of it. I have tried to remember when this shift occurred and when this horrible feeling of sexual emptiness filled me. It consumed so much of my life from then on out. I was emotionally wrecked. I sought out anything that would give me answers, anything that would make me feel special and different than the broken boy in this body that felt “other than the other boys” for so long. I was a quiet boy, very gullible, shy, passionate about reading and writing, and longed for a life other than my own. I remember days of wishing and hoping I was adopted, not because my parents were horrible (although at the time I am sure I thought so), but because I wanted to be a character in a story greater than the narrative of my life. I felt I was not good at anything I did. At an early age, I tried everything I could to be different from everyone else. At this time, I became even more enthralled in books and comic books.

Surely someone who felt how I did had to be something more special than a sexually active young boy.

As I grew up, my deviant behavior increased and porn became a daily ritual for me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it affected my relationships with family and friends and made things much tougher for me. My main activity was porn, but when I got the chance to go out on my own for college, I lost all control. I added sexual addiction to the

I was a quiet boy, very gullible, shy, passionate about reading and writing, and longed for a life other than my own. list of things that made me feel better and less empty. The problem was that the emptiness would just come back worse, and like a dog to its own vomit, I would return once again in hopes that it would be more fulfilling the next time. After a year, I realized I needed a change. Despite all of the pain I had caused, Christ made his way into my life when, at 18, I realized who He was and trusted my life and heart to Him. But despite my belief, I did not think real change could happen in me.

In my first year as a believer, I became a part of a Christian fraternity, and although it helped, it did not slow down my addiction. I would just take a break from sexual deviance during the semesters and go right back at it on winter and summer breaks. I found my identity in what I thought I was good at, and it was a sad place to be. At some point, I had dipped my toe into the waters of my sin long enough that I

At home, it was never an option to not play sports. After a few years, I gave in and played soccer, football, and ran track. Though I was decent at sports and continued to improve, it did not change the emptiness I felt inside.

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finally decided to reject God and live as a gay man. I left my community of Christian friends and stopped attending church, except when the guilt consumed me enough to drive me back for a fill up. I was on a mission to break myself and said “yes” to most things.

I didn’t want God anymore, because I didn’t understand how could a just God let me struggle with this instead of taking it away.

for Christ again. As much as I would love to say that everything was great and I turned to Jesus, got baptized and married, that was nowhere near the case. I am a stubborn man, and once I wander, it takes time for me to get it together.

By His grace, there never seemed to be a shortage of God showing me He was still the hound of heaven, after my heart.

But God did not give up on me. He always seemed to find a way to let me know He loved me...

But God did not give up on me. He always seemed to find a way to let me know He loved me and that the choices I was making were not going to stop Him from loving me. I would have dreams and epiphanies out of nowhere, and I had unrest in me that would not die. Much like sex at the time, this new unrest consumed me. I talked about it with all my friends and always asked my close friends what it could mean. As hard as they tried, they had no answers to give. I spent more time alone than ever in the past. I would spend some nights in strangers’ beds, crying, looking up in silence at a spinning fan, thinking that was exactly what my life was doing: spinning around with nowhere to go.

Out one night, I was approached by a young woman with a message she said she had for me. She looked me dead in the face and asked, “What are you doing here?” I looked back, thinking she seemed rather odd. She asked again, “What are you doing here?” I asked her what she meant, and without batting an eye, she said, “God has so much more for you then what you have in this place. You aren’t supposed to be here in all of this.”

After her words, I walked away stunned. What in God’s name had just happened? Later, I came to understand that the message I just heard would be a spark that would ignite my heart

Despite that clear message from God, I spent three years in the gay lifestyle, doing what I wanted.

It was easy to ignore the tugging God had been doing at my heart; even easy to ignore the things He was showing me more blatantly.

One day, I finally had had enough. I sat in the back of my truck in a parking lot and stared up at the stars. It was then that I decided I wanted out. I was not fulfilled, and although I still was not sure what to do, I knew that I wasn’t supposed to be there. During the next week I contacted an old friend who was a youth pastor on an island called South Padre. I had been talking to him (hiding everything I had done, of course), and he told me I should come visit. “Just the vacation I needed,” I thought.

I went down and was blown away by what I saw. I loved the place. I loved the church and something clicked in my heart. Nothing large, mind you, but a spark of something familiar began to slowly rise up in me. I had mentioned that I would love to do what he did, and that I wished I could just up and move to do it. Well, he said I should come down and be his assistant and helper. He said he thought the kids would be a great fit for me and that he knew I would be good at it. I cannot tell you the excitement my heart felt.

Unfortunately, I wanted to get away from my old situation more than I wanted to chase after God, but an 12

escape was an escape!

The thought of starting over and changing my life around was SO tempting that I went back down and looked for a job. I found two leads and the church my friend attended offered me housing right off the beach.

He went to bat for me and the church liked me enough to say yes. But I thought, if everything was working out, then why did I have this nagging feeling that would not go away? I ignored it and stuffed it down. Surely this was what was supposed to happen, right?? Surely this was God rescuing me and telling me to do this.

The Sunday I left for Padre, the nagging got stronger – uncomfortably strong. I still had not come clean on what was going on to my friend, nor had I dealt with what was happening in my spiritual life or heart. My friend preached a lesson on Jonah, and that was the last piece of the puzzle of the unrest I had long been feeling. He preached on running from what you are called to, and for the first time in a very long time, I knew why God had made me feel such discomfort. I told my friend a little of the unrest, and decided I would go back to Dallas, and use the 10-hour drive to think about things and let him know what I decided when I got back home.

On the way home a few things happened: I called a guy I was interested in and tried to set up a hook up, but he never answered his phone.

And I prayed. I prayed and realized this was not a situation sex would or could solve. With anger and fear, I told God, fine, I wouldn’t do it, despite the

fact I didn’t understand why I couldn’t.

I called and broke my friend’s heart, telling him I would not be taking the job. In my head, things could not get worse. I had turned down a way to escape this city, and I felt like life was useless at this point.

But God was still not done. A friend I met in the lifestyle called. He was different from the rest and we knew it wasn’t because of us, but because of God. I cannot explain why he was in my life or why he stayed when I was starting to fade out, but he did. He called and wanted to know how my trip was and what I had decided about the job. I told him that as hard as it was to believe, God told me no, and I knew I was supposed to listen. He was silent and then said, “I think we should meet up and hang out tomorrow.” I reluctantly agreed and went over the next day.

I barely knew this guy, but I knew we had more in common than our brokenness. When we sat down, he spoke truth. He told me he saw how serious I was about God and how I had never shown that before. He told me how he struggled with the same thing I did and that the reason he had disappeared from our friend group six months prior was because he found a ministry that was all about what we struggled with. I could not believe what I was hearing. It was the first time in my life that I clearly understood God’s calling. As he spoke about this ministry and how I should meet Ricky Chelette, more and more clicked in my head. Why did God bring all this unrest, why the uneasiness, why the gradual fading away of certain friends, and most importantly, why did God say no to South Padre? It was for this.

It was like water to a dying man in the desert.

My friend told me what Living Hope was about, what he had started to learn and the amazing people he had met. He said there were people who really understood what we struggled with. For the first time in my life, I did not hesitate, I did not waver, I

did not falter on what God had so clearly laid out before me. That day I emailed to sign up for the forums and immediately contacted Ricky to set up an intake to go to the weekly meetings.

There was no turning back. That young man and Living Hope changed the direction of my life. The first time walking into a meeting after an already emotional intake, I found like minds and a hunger and thirst for Christ. The teaching was what I needed, and Ricky spoke words that still impacts me to this day. After his lesson, he sat in on our small group and asked me a simple question: “Do you want out of the lifestyle?” I looked at him and thought, “Well of course I do, why would I be here if I didn’t?” He said, “If you want out, then do it, don’t look back and be serious about what you say.”

For some reason, that blunt honesty hit me hard that night. I went to my computer with my friend and went through every account that was sex-related and deleted, blocked, and removed myself from everything.

Shortly after, I changed my number and simply disappeared from my old friends’ radar. I did not turn back.

And although I would love to tell you that it was all rainbows and kittens, it was not. There was to be so much more that Living Hope would teach me to lead me to a further pursuit of Christ. At the same time, God brought an amazing church into my life, and, in one day, God redeemed my loneliness and loss of community with a vibrant thirst for the Christ-centered community that makes up my closest group of friends to this day.

Living Hope taught me to plug into my church, and to serve and seek out genuine and authentic community made up of godly men and women.

They have taught me to get into my Bible and not run from the tough questions. I learned so much about my struggle and gained so many tools to help me fight when temptations would come. I went to conferences and retreats and even got my parents involved. When the three of us met with Ricky, his office turned into an episode from Maury Povich, but in the end it was amazing, healing for everyone, and freeing!

Living Hope taught me to plug into my church, and to serve and seek out genuine and authentic community made up of godly men and women.

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Today, I am a different man.

No more fear of my past. No more fear of not being known. No more doubting God and His promises. My life is an open book because of what I experienced at LHM. Through Living Hope, I learned who I am in Christ, experienced the hope He has for me and my future, and gained the confidence to press into authentic and vulnerable community in a local, vibrant church.

This December will be ten years since the Lord first used Living Hope to transform the way I think about myself in light of Him. “If it had not been for the Lord on my side, tell me where would I be, where would I be?”

by Katherine, 31

I

NO LONGER A SLAVE

am the youngest of three girls, born into a broken home full of alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, divorce, adultery, abuse and promiscuity. This is not the family that I wished for, but it is the one that the Lord placed me in. He knew my name and called me His from the beginning.

My journey to find Him has been exhausting and humbling.

My father left my family before I was born and would not again be a presence in my life for another twelve years. My mother battled alcoholism, depression and anger. The consequences of her battles ignited my own personal war. I was the happy kid, full of life, always laughing, always talking and always needing the attention of others. We were also poor, like government-cheese, Christmas-presents-in-garbage-bagsdropped-off-by-police-officers kind of poor. Sometimes we’d have electricity or food, but usually not both at the same time. We moved in and out of government homes and shelters for years. My mother remarried a man when I was three. Unfortunately, he was far more interested in me. I entered a dark time in my childhood at the age of four. I understand that once a child is abused, their boundaries evaporate, rendering them more susceptible to further abuse from other

predators. That was also true for me.

I continued to be sexually abused by someone, in some fashion, until I was 17 years old.

When I was eight years old my stepfather left. My mom’s response was to give her children away. She said that she could not afford us, and I believed I was the reason that was true.

I internalized every hurt my mother expressed. She would share in grave detail her troubles, and I was sure I was to blame.

THE CHILDREN’S HOME The children’s home was tolerable. It was at the children’s home that I fell in love with basketball. There was an outside basketball court you had to peel me off of. Finally, something I could do for myself that I enjoyed.

There were nice people who worked there. However, brokenness met me there as I began to get nightly visits from an older girl. Sometimes she’d bring a friend.

My biological father came to visit us at the home. He took us for the weekend and never returned us. Not long afterwards, my father relapsed back into his heroin addiction. He sent us away to our mother’s, and for the next four years, I was shuffled back and forth between parents every couple 14

of months. I knew that whoever had me had lost an argument. I knew that I was not wanted by either of them.

I made it a point to not need them for anything, as it was bad enough they were stuck with me. I remember feeling bad for the parent that had to take care of me.

In junior high, while playing basketball, I started to notice changes in the locker room. My teammates were paying more attention to their looks than the scoreboard. I was not experiencing the same changes in myself. I would always wear athletic clothes and talk basketball. My peers liked me because I was funny, and the teachers liked me because I made good grades and was respectful.

To this point in my life, I had not experienced same-sex attraction; I just played basketball and played the trumpet in the band. It was my sophomore year, when my home life was as bad as it had ever been, that I began to see girls differently. At home, my father was with a new wife and they were bad off into drugs. She was an exotic dancer and was forced to teach me about masturbation and sexual acts on men. My father would keep me up all night teaching me about how to please men. He would force me to watch him and his wife.

Katherine

He would make comments about how I needed to relax and relieve myself. I contemplated suicide often.

Unfortunately, I was a broken girl with no awareness of my desperate need for a Savior and healing.

And then I met a girl. She was confident, funny and was feared by everyone. I needed that. I needed to feel the way she looked. I knew I was not in love with her, only with the things about her. I wanted to be her, not be with her. But I knew no other way to connect so deeply with another person except sexually. So my life in the dramatic world of lesbianism began.

After graduation, I moved to DFW, living in my car before couch surfing through older women’s homes for the next three years. Sometimes I would find myself tired of trying to find a place to stay so I remained homeless and slept in shelters or my car. I had no idea what it was to be an adult. I worked at a gay friendly coffee shop and was transferred to the other side of the DFW area. I walked into a tattoo shop one night and my life changed.

After things worsened at my home, I was adopted. I was sixteen years old and was able to experience a year and a half of normalcy before graduating from high school. I had attended 28 different schools and maintained excellent grades throughout. It was at school that I received my attention, affection and affirmation from my teachers. Therefore, my performance was critical in the classroom.

THE GIRL I met a girl. She did not look at me the way I presented myself to the world but saw how I felt on the inside.

We connected deeply and quickly. A month later I moved in with her, in good lesbian fashion. She had two children, nine-month-old daughter and a three-year-old son. I loved them immediately. We became a family.

For the next seven years, I learned to French braid hair, coach little league, and pour my heart into the lives of these children.

After a few years I began to experience a pull in my life. I thought I had everything I wanted. But God, being so faithful to pursue me, did not allow me to be satisfied. I entered a time of seeking, not for the Lord, but for the satisfaction missing from my life.

I began working out more, cursing less, and even began to volunteer at a Children’s Hospital. I could not figure out what was missing from my life.

I had a friend that I had met at the tattoo shop. Over time he began to invite me to his church. I thought he was crazy. Didn’t he see me? I had multiple piercings, was covered in tattoos, and rocked a pink Mohawk.

He mentioned it again, and I finally said “yes.” I showed up with just the right misinterpreted Bible verses to combat their judgment of me and my continued on page 16

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life. But no one said anything of my obvious life choices. They welcomed me and showed me where the coffee was. They did not make a big deal of me at all.

I saw they had something I did not have, but I knew I desperately needed it. I decided to get baptized and try to follow Jesus the best I could, as a lesbian. I figured something was better than nothing. I thought if I could slip in the back, I could benefit from Jesus without being seen by Him. I would try to not need Him too much.

THERE HAD TO BE MORE Somehow I knew there was more for me than the life I was living. But I was going to have to give more than I had given. I knew I had to leave my family.

I have never been angrier than I was with God at that point. After many long nights and dozens of negotiation tactics with the Lord, I left. When I sat down with “my children,” then eight and ten, “my son” asked me where “we” were going. My girlfriend of seven years went crazy in good, dramatic, lesbian fashion. I was angry at her, trying to talk her into parenting her children and being a grown-up.

I did leave and a few months after I left, she lost custody of her children.

I struggle today with letting go of the responsibility of her actions after I left.

After leaving, my life consisted of going to work, school and Church.

I was alone in my hurt because

no one knew I had left my family.

It was between me and God. My church at that time never addressed homosexuality. It was simply not spoken about in a way that I could understand it as a sexual brokenness.

I wish I had Living Hope Ministries at that point in my journey. I wish I knew of a place that spoke truth and healing into the lives of people who

are walking out of a life they were once so defined by. Instead, I simply drank alcohol and cried myself to sleep screaming at God. I moved on-campus and joined a campus ministry where I jumped in wishing to appear healed and ready to serve. I spent a year doing what I thought Christians were supposed to do. I joined the ministry, mentored freshmen, and signed up to go on a mission trip. That was the proper order of things, right? I was funded to go on the mission trip when God slammed my stubborn door shut. He had different plans for my summer.

I started what I thought would just be a simple Bible study for the summer, and then my life again turned inside out. After meeting with my new mentor, she suggested that I contact a woman named D’Ann. I was appalled at the idea that she thought I needed to go to this place. I was not gay; I

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was straight, look at my long hair! I thought my transformation was about not doing a list of things, like shaving my head and sleeping with girls. I had not acted out with a girl in over a year; didn’t that make me straight?

THE JOURNEY BEGINS I emailed this stranger, D’Ann, and dumped my life into that text box on their contact page. When I met her, I borrowed my roommate’s purse and held it like a football in my attempt to look as straight as possible. It was the most awkward and uncomfortable two and a half hours of my life. I saw this stranger write my life on a whiteboard.

It was as though she knew things about me that I never knew, or knew how to articulate. I think the highlight for me was when she mentioned that even the most masculine lesbian desires to be seen as beautiful. I knew I was in trouble with this ministry I had found.

They knew the truth and were not afraid to approach it with the Gospel.

My summer consisted of unraveling all the ways I was trying to just “be good.” My attempts to go unnoticed

by God were over, and my life was being shown to me with the truth of God’s Word. It was not pretty. I remained stubborn and immature in my response to the authority placed over me. I was not accustomed to being a part of a group where I was not going to be the funny, charming one and everyone love me for that. I did not know how to handle being loved because Jesus loved us first. I could not understand this love that had more to do with Christ than me.

The patience of the small group leaders and staff at Living Hope Ministries exceeds anything I have ever experienced. Their love for the Lord, the people who attend in-house, and the online forums blows my mind.

At weekly meetings, I have slowly developed friendships that have taught me how to begin healthy friendships with others in my life. The practice of

strong boundaries shows me the same safety and protection that the Lord offers. We are not commanded to do or not do things because God is a mean God, but rather because He offers us a way to be protected by Him. The protection that I tirelessly sought my entire life I am finding in my Savior.

SET FREE Today I am walking with the Lord in a way I never could have done without the ministry I found at Living Hope. I am a part of something much bigger than myself; it is a family of people, brought together with similar brokenness, who grow together to serve a mighty God who is mighty to save.

My past may still hurt my heart, but I am learning new ways to respond. I am currently in a position to care for children the same way that my heart felt drawn towards those that I called “my children.� The main difference is that I am serving families from my Church in a way that honors the Lord.

I will be graduating from college in a few months and my academic career has dramatically changed since I first began. I believe the Lord will continue to lead me.

God’s plans for me will always be better than my own. He knows my deepest desires and lavishes His love on His children.

I am no longer a slave to the sinful, self-protective measures that separated me from God. I am no longer trying to go unnoticed by God. I am daily offering my life to Him. I want the Lord to be on display in my life. I want people to know that what you once were is not who you are. If you are in Christ, you are set free. Each week I am blessed by the staff, small group leaders and my family at Living Hope Ministries.

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

I hope to have a family of my own one day; I pray for my heart to be changed towards men and that I would desire them in a way that would honor God. I do hope for children, but know that

Katherine 17

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by D’Ann Davis

F

emininity is a word that has varying definitions in today’s culture. From television shows to music to denominational differences, we see innumerable views on what makes a woman a woman. Why is it important to define femininity? Primarily so that we might understand what our aim is as God’s daughters and what His intent is for our gender within His design.

We must understand our essence and further our understanding of His love for us and the value He has given us as women. Secondly, as it relates to the ministry of Living Hope, in our basic understanding of the root issues

level. Femininity, at its core, is not about a personality. A woman can love sports, hunting, fishing, and cars, and be just as feminine as the woman who loves interior design, shopping, and shoes. Both personalities can fall within the vast spectrum of femininity because femininity is rooted in who God has created a woman to be through biological composition and inward spirit. It is not dependent on interests, hobbies, or personality. At Living Hope, we focus on five main elements of biblical femininity. These are not exhaustive or exclusive, but they are the areas we focus on when helping women grow

heard and understood. That is why, when a man interrupts us and says, “Let me tell you what you need to do,” we get frustrated, because we do not primarily use language as a means for solution-finding as much as we do for relational connecting. Women also typically have a much easier time (if we are healthy) displaying affection and intimately connecting than the average male does. Even in our curse in Genesis 3:16, we see that all the woman’s curses are related to her relationships: her spouse and children.

As women we blossom in relationship and can provide a relational

A Real Woman?

Defining Biblical Femininity

of Same Gender Attractions (SGA), we typically see that women who classically struggle with lesbianism, as opposed to experimenting later in life, suffer from a detachment from their own God-given femininity. To understand how that detachment might affect a woman, we must first understand what biblical femininity looks like. Many in today’s culture view femininity as being personality-driven, as though being a shopaholic, a flirt, disinterested in sports, preoccupied by high heels and makeup, or loving interior design and baking are what determine a woman’s femininity. However, we do not see in Scripture that a woman’s personality, interests, hobbies, or what colors she prefers are indicative of her femininity. As believers, we need to look deeper than surface

in their biblical call of femininity. The elements of biblical femininity we see are a relational capacity, nurturing nature, vulnerability, beauty, and responsiveness.

First, our relational capacity as women means we thrive when we have multiple relationships that have many layers, and we are most fulfilled when we are deeply connected with lots of people. We see in Genesis 2:18-25 that we were created with the express purpose of providing relationship for another. It is in our nature to want to connect. That is why girls love to talk for hours and do not need an activity to keep them busy while doing it like some men might.

We love to sit and tell everything about every situation and every feeling associated with it, and we long to feel

environment that nurtures others so they feel at home in our presence.

In our brokenness, though, we can use that same relational influence to hurt those we love. Proverbs 25:24, 14:1, 21:19, 19:13, 27:15-16, and all of chapter 7 are not written to mock women or to put us down, but instead reveal the relational power we possess and how destructive we can be when we abuse that power and wield it wrongly. Proverbs 31, however, paints a different picture of a woman who brings honor to her household through her character. It says that a woman with this type of character is hard to find, but her worth is far above jewels. It says in verses 11-12, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” In reference to this continued on page 20

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godly, relational woman, the chapter reads, “Her children rise up and bless her, her husband also, and he praises her, saying: ‘Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all’” (verses 28-29). This model of a godly woman is one who is deeply relational and blesses those in her life so much so that they rise up and bless her in return.

Another element of femininity on which I have briefly touched already is that we are nurturers by nature.

We see this even in our physical form as we have breasts to nurture a newborn. We have a uterus to nurture a fetus. Our very composition is that which breeds and nurtures life.

There are many women who sadly deal with infertility or are simply in a season of singleness, but these women still possess the nurturing elements of their body in their biological composition. A woman is not less feminine if she is single or if she is married and unable to bear children; she is just as womanly in form and spirit as the woman who has twenty children. She still has the hard-wired design of a nurturing creature, whether or not God chooses to use those bodily tools to produce offspring. She is a nurturer, and it serves her well to operate out of that role, whether or not that includes a husband or biological children. We see in Isaiah the nurturing nature of God, and how we as women reflect that image. In Isaiah 49:15-16 it states, “Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you.

Behold I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me.” As women we reflect this heart of God in a way that men cannot necessarily do as well because they cannot be mothers.

A part of this nurturing is a sense of being. As mentioned earlier, women have the ability to be a home for others, where they can feel safe and at rest. In the story of Mary and Martha, Jesus praised Mary for

simply being with Him as opposed to doing something for Him. Mary was applauded for her ability to be, rest, and believe in the Lord, as opposed to being stressfully driven to perform for Jesus’ approval. She thrived in her sense of being.

We see Psalm 131:2, Isaiah 66:13, and 1 Thessalonians 2:7 all paint pictures of the nurturing capacities of women and how these reflect the nurturing heart of the Lord. As a single woman, I can nurture those in my life through love, affection, softness, and care in a way that a man might not be able to do. As a woman I am no greater than men; I just fill a different role and can operate in that role in a way that both allows me to flourish in my own femininity and nourishes men in their masculinity. I can also nurture women in a way that pushes them to Christ and helps them blossom in their femininity, in a Titus 2:3-5 way.

A third element of femininity is vulnerability. As women, we have an incredible ability to be soft, sensitive, and vulnerable, coupled with the emotional fortitude to overcome the assaults against that vulnerability that we will inevitably face.

1 Peter 3:7 exhorts men to love their wives in “an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” This is not suggesting that women are pathetic or measly; it means that we are more delicate and should be treated as such. In fact, in 2 Corinthians 12 it speaks of how Christ’s power is perfected in our weakness and how, when we are weak, then we are strong. While

this particular passage is applicable to both men and women, it paints a picture of the beauty of being able to be soft and vulnerable. Women are worthy of protection, and those who can overcome trials and tribulation and still be soft, gentle creatures excel in this area of strength in weakness.

When we as women operate out of the curse and fill our lives with worry, anxiety, and the walls we build around our hearts, we miss out on the blessing of being an oasis for others and being vulnerable in relationship. We also live out the folly of Proverbs 14:1: “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” When we wall up our hearts because our vulnerability has been used against us in some way (i.e. abuse, abandonment, insult, rejection), we are not free to live out the gospel in our lives to others. Proverbs 18:19 reads, “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a citadel.” When we women wall up our hearts to prevent any possibility of being hurt, victimized, or wounded, we unknowingly keep out the good things in our lives and lock the pain inside of our hearts.

We may choose to wall up by being defensive, being sexually promiscuous to control men, taking on a false masculinity in dress or action; we may try to eliminate the need for men in our lives, operate out of our curse and rule over men, defensively detach from people so they can never get in to reject us, avoid relationship altogether, or simply operate in a manipulative way to try to control our relationships (i.e. nagging, putting down others, being passive aggressive, gossiping, slandering,

This model of a godly woman is one who is deeply relational and blesses those in her life.

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busy-bodying, etc.). Scripture does exhort us to guard our hearts, but that is different than making our hearts off-limits to others to prevent anyone from becoming intimate enough with us to be able to hurt us. As women we must entrust our hearts to the Father and know that there is no hurt that cannot be overcome with Him. Often we think that if we appear tough and strong and unable to be hurt, then that makes us strong. What that actually means is that we are weak – so weak that we have to mask all of our feelings and keep everyone out because we are so terrified of being hurt. The truly feminine woman can receive, feel, and express feelings in healthy ways, and have strength in that weakness, rather than in a façade of strength.

The next element of femininity is the desire to be beautiful. Beautiful is not predicated on outward appearance, but is not to the exclusion of it. Being outwardly attractive is not nearly as important as being inwardly beautiful. Even the most masculine lesbian woman, who has shed all outward forms of femininity, longs, in her heart of hearts, for another woman to see her and her heart and to think she is beautiful. She might not want anyone else to see it and will often go to great lengths to prevent that from happening, but in the end, she really does long to be seen. There is a weight in the word “beautiful” that speaks to an inward quality far beyond a woman’s physical appearance. First Peter 3:3-5 reads, “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened

by any fear.” Notably, this scripture does not suggest that a woman should not be outwardly beautiful, but that she should be concerned with a beauty that runs deeper than outward appearance. Proverbs 31:30 tells us that “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” This woman has the imperishable quality of beauty that does not fade because it is rooted in her gentle and quiet spirit. It does not require of women a gentle and quiet personality, but a gentle and quiet spirit. A woman does not have to be mousy, insecure, and shy to possess this imperishable quality, and even if that is the case, she is arguably operating out of brokenness as opposed to embracing femininity. A woman can be bold, strongwilled, and full of life and laughter, all the while having a gentle and quiet spirit that is submissive to the Lord and respectful of others in her life.

beauty as a good thing, even physical beauty; but we also see that it is sinful for a woman to work on her outward qualities to the neglect of her inward qualities, and to use her appearance as a means to cause men to stumble.

In a hyper-materialistic city like Dallas, there are many women who focus solely on looking good and have little to no interest in godliness.

This issue extends beyond the lost world and into the church. There are many of us who are more concerned with our pant size and our hair than we are with the heart of our Lord and where our hearts might be in relation to Him. Many of us spend hours investing in our physical appearance to make sure that others are impressed, but we find it difficult to spend a few minutes in the word of God or in prayer for others.

We have no time to evangelize because we are lost in our mirrors gazing at our own “beauty.” To the Lord, who looks at the heart even though man looks at the appearance, a heart primarily focused on this is not pleasing to Him. He cares about our inward beauty far more than about how our makeup looks. And if that is the Lord’s perspective on things, then we must adjust our lens to His.

Even the most masculine lesbian woman longs, in her heart of hearts, for another... to see her and her heart and to think she is beautiful.

Women can fall off two sides of the horse with brokenness when it comes to beauty. We can make beauty only about outward appearance, or we can dismiss the outward in an attempt to avoid vulnerability. In the first case, a woman can focus only on the outwardly fading qualities and not use her appearance in a God-honoring way. We see 1 Timothy 2:9-10 instruct against this when it says, “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” In Scripture, we see

The second broken way a woman can view beauty is to view outward beauty as disdainful or unholy in some way. When Paul speaks of not adorning yourself outwardly in the Timothy passage above, he is not saying women should be unattractive.

We see the lover in Song of Solomon tell his bride repeatedly how beautiful she is. We see women in Scripture like Sarah, Bathsheba, Rachel, Esther, continued on page 22

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and Rebekah described as beautiful women. This is not mentioned as a mark against them, but as a kind description of them. It is not wrong to be beautiful or to want to look attractive. We see the Proverbs 31 woman as one who “girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (verse 17). She dresses nicely. Verse 22 explains, “She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.” In Peter’s text mentioned earlier, it does not say not to adorn one’s self outwardly, but to not merely do so. God is frequently described as beautiful in the Bible, so to dismiss beauty as being ungodly is misguided.

Lots of women who have detached from their femininity will make the argument that life is not all about looks. While that is true, if we do not take care of ourselves, are unhygienic, dress only in clothes that hide our feminine appearance, gain significant amounts of weight purposefully to hide our feminine form, detest makeup or shave our heads for fear of change or out of laziness, then we are really neglecting a part of our womanhood: our beauty.

Many detach from femininity as a means to embrace a false masculinity.

In this case, doing so is sinful. To purposefully not embrace one’s own gender outwardly is not honoring to God. Some make no physical effort because they are actually terrified at the thought of trying to look beautiful and having no one acknowledge it, or worse yet, being mocked. This decision is fear-based and is not a legitimate desire for godliness. As women, we must look like women.

We must embrace this aspect of our personhood and celebrate it. We must not use a façade of holiness to avoid feeling vulnerable or to mask

our laziness. As children, many had their beauty used against them as a means of abuse, so it is difficult to invest in their outward display of their inward femininity. This again however, is fueled by a fear of man and not a fear of God. Women do not have to be supermodels to embrace their God-given femininity. But they do have to be women. The outward is merely a manifestation of what is going on inwardly with a woman, and thus she should make sure that on all counts she is pursuing godliness in her gender.

The last element of femininity is being responsive, and by that I mean that we were originally created as a helper for the male. We see in Genesis 2 that there was not a suitable helper found for the man, so out of man, God made woman. Her very design was to be a suitable helper for the man whom God had already created.

Adam was still given the authority over creation and their relationship, and we see throughout the Old and New Testament church the idea of male headship and authority. We see in Titus 2:5 and Ephesians 5:21-33 that women are to submit to their husbands in a reflection of their submission to the Lord. Scripture does not teach that we should be subservient or that we are lesser than men; it just teaches that within God’s original design, we are to be responsive to the male headship He places over us, beginning with our fathers, extending to our spouses, and beyond that into the male headship governing the church. As women we can thrive by following men in a way we would be incapable of doing were we to try to rule over our husbands or men in the church. This is not to

Women do not have to be supermodels to embrace their God-given femininity. But they do have to be women.

say women are incapable of quality leadership or that we cannot lead in any capacity. I am saying we should only lead within the bounds of what we see is acceptable in Scripture. This does not reflect a lack of competence on the part of women, merely the beauty of the created order of God. It should be noted that responsiveness in women does not mean that all women must or should submit to all men. There are godless men who have no authority and are ineligible to lead others. The call for submission in women is appropriate only within the specific contexts laid out in Scripture (marriage, male headship/eldership in the church body, etc.).

Complementarity works because in relationship with men, we can be soft, tender, and the more delicate vessel.

We can stand under their protection and follow their leadership. In a romantic relationship with a man, we can be pursued, wooed, loved, and treasured. We can respect men and look to them to initiate and lead.

We have the honor of taking care of and nurturing the men in our lives (in relation to the varying capacities of their roles in our lives), in their masculinity, that they might be better equipped to be men of God. First Corinthians 11:7 explains that woman is “the glory of man.” Titus 2:3-5 paints a picture of women who love their husbands and teach other women to do the same. This is a key role for a wife in Scripture. We do not see differing value in men and women, merely different roles. In our overly feminized culture today, women are told that to be a helper (God’s original intent for us) is somehow to be pathetic, weak, and worthless. This is not God’s opinion on the matter.

In His kingdom, the first are last and the last are first. We see in the Trinity the Holy Spirit described as a helper or comforter. Are we, as women, of greater value than God the Spirit? Is operating out of a role that reflects one in which He Himself operates beneath us? Maybe in our zeal to be “empowered,” we have lost sight of the reality that our greatest value rests in continued on page 34

22

M y

ADDICTION

For as much as I can remember of my 26 years, masturbation was my outlet. I remember the day I became addicted.

All it took was one time for that little elementary school girl to be hooked.

I don’t remember how I knew what to do, but I knew I enjoyed it. For almost twenty years, masturbation was my coping mechanism and friend. If I was stressed, lonely, tired, bored, overwhelmed, disappointed, celebrating, you name it – I found a reason to isolate myself and do the only thing I knew to do to express my emotions. It was years before I even knew what masturbation was and by then, I was already planning my day around a time I could get alone. It was my big secret that not another soul knew.

My mother caught me several times, but I was always able to lie my way out of it. I was full of shame because at that point I knew what I was hiding must be wrong. Growing up in church, sex in general was hardly addressed, much less masturbation.

Just saying the word out loud was terrifying and uncomfortable. I felt shame that I was secretly doing this habitually, but did not care enough to change. The addiction increased as the years went by. For years it was routine.

So routine, in fact, that I could not fall asleep until I masturbated.

I remember a short period of time

in college in which I didn’t masturbate for a few months. Conveniently, however, I was now getting my sexual addiction met through another woman. Add to that the constant attention I received from her and I thought I had struck gold. However, towards the end of my relationship with my girlfriend, I was left only wanting more. The relationship had replaced my other friends, taken my sanity, and created only death in my life. At that time, all I had was my girlfriend and masturbation. She eventually moved away, and I was left by myself to meet my own desires.

Once we broke up, my life was centered on when I could be alone.

My friends were gracious, asking me to hang out and be a part of the group again, but all I wanted, for six months, was to be alone to cry about my lost girlfriend and habitually commit one of the most selfish sins possible. However, I didn’t see it as sin.

I saw it as my release: my safe place. It

by Amanda, 26

was all I knew for so long, and I was lonely.

I didn’t realize the toll masturbation had taken on my relationships initially. I chose myself over others countless times. I chose my own desires, my own needs, and my own satisfaction over everyone else. This addiction had consumed me.

I was living a lie, keeping my secret from my entire community with no desire to change. It was the idol I was not willing to give up.

When I came to Living Hope, I found that other girls struggled with masturbation, too. All this time I thought it was something only guys would do. I thought I was the only strange creature who dealt with this. I was so ashamed of my addiction that I blatantly lied to D’Ann during my intake at Living Hope about the extent of my habit. Little did I know, I would soon be surrounded by those who had been in my shoes, both with having a lesbian relationship and struggling with masturbation.

It was the idol I was not willing to give up.

continued on page 30

23

Dear Ricky,

East Asia

It’s been a little over a month since we left Dallas to return to our service in the East Asian mission field. We want to say thank you to you, your wife, and the Living Hope Ministries staff for your diligence in ministry. We benefited greatly during the weekly meetings for families and friends of those with same-sex attractions, although we were only able to attend for three months.

Almost seven years ago, we heard our grown son announce to us “I am gay.” It has been a long, lonely seven years. We have not felt close enough to share our sorrow with mission colleagues, and honestly, the longer we serve on the field, our Texas sending church begins to feel more like acquaintances than family.

When we came to Living Hope Ministries, we found a group that would support us emotionally, understand the anguish we felt, and share in our spiritual burden for our son. We all want our children to know spiritual wholeness, as well as sexual wholeness and purity. We found a genuine comfort among others who truly knew how we felt, and we felt safe to share our hurt, anger, and even our hopes.

170

number of countries from which LHM has partcipants in our online support forums

We wish we could attend the Living Hope Ministries 25-Year Celebration to hear the victory stories.

We miss hearing Ricky’s great teaching each week. We miss singing songs of worship along side SSA folk. Fellowshipping with them each week strengthened our hearts and gave us hope that one day, our son might find sexual wholeness through the Lord Jesus Christ. Above all, we miss the camaraderie among the friends and family group. They are a faithful group who spoke truth to our hearts, openly shared their own weaknesses and mistakes, and pointed us towards resources that helped us on our “parenting by prayer” journey.

May the Lord’s hand rest on you and pour his blessings on LHM. In Christ, A couple of hurting missionary parents in East Asia

24

No More

by Chris, 24

Living Hope has become a safe place for me to open up... and grow with equally broken men as they push me towards wholeness in God.

Walls

For the last 24 years, I have been building up walls to hide behind.

No one knew my true self; no one was allowed to gain access to all my deep secrets; no one was allowed to see the cracks in my clay.

While I knew my family always loved me, I never really felt as if I fit in. My older brother was athletic, obedient, and well liked in our friend groups. My dad was fairly emotionally distant, especially in my youth, so I never really learned to connect well with him. Instead, I got that emotional attention from my mom and, in doing so, I never really detached from her. I was a rebellious and stubborn child, trying to fight to find my way to who I was and where I fit in.

Around the age of ten, I started having attractions towards other guys. I also found porn, which quickly turned into an addiction. I had no concept of how to process those feelings. All I knew was that they were wrong; so along with everything else, I hid those feelings away from everyone, and tried to act in such a way that no one would find me out. My walls were built higher, and I secluded myself into the darkness they provided.

As I grew up, the walls became higher and wider. I didn’t allow anyone in, so no one was able to speak identity into my life. I sought for something that could define me. The biggest thing I found was the idol of achievement.

Like the good little sensitive guy I am, I excelled in academics, band, and any sort of religious activity I could find.

My position as a top student, as the leader of the drum line, and as a leader

in the church became my identity. Even after finding a strong community in my high school youth group, I still hid behind these false characteristics and tried as hard as I could to appear as if I had it all together. I only let people into my life to a comfortable level, and never ever talked about my real struggles or emotions.

Somehow, I recognized the lack of intimate relationships in my life. When I went off to a Christian college, I was determined to make solid guy friends and I was unfortunately successful. One of the guys I met became an extremely close friend. He was the first person I ever told about my struggle with same sex attraction (SSA), and at the end of my freshman year, he tried to take advantage of it by making a move on me while I was spending the night at his house.

That broke me.

I quickly built up all my walls again. Not thinking I could trust anyone, I sunk deep into a porn addiction that had been building since I was ten. That darkness continued throughout all four years of college. I hid it from my friends, but they could tell there were things in my life that I didn’t want to talk about.

Near the end of my senior year, I was going through a terribly difficult time. I finally broke down and went to talk to the campus pastor.

He was the third person with whom I had sharedmy SSA, but he was the first person who told me of the hope there is in Jesus to overcome my struggles: a hope that I had supposedly believed in all this time, but which I had thought, continued on page 30

25

An Affair to

Forget

by Karen, 55

I

grew up an only child in a non-Christian home. I don’t have many memories of my childhood before the age of 6, outside of some faint recollections of spitting blood in the bathroom sink. My mother used to tell the “family” story of coming home one day to find me whelped and bruised from knees to shoulder blades and telling my father that, if he ever touched me again, she would kill him or disappear with me and never see him again.

This apparently got his attention, as I never remember him spanking me after that.

boys. I played sports. I didn’t want dolls or fingernail polish.

Give me a Tonka truck and a ball glove. When other girls were babysitting, I was mowing yards. The only reason I grew my hair long was because my mom always made me cut it short. I preferred short hair, but I rebelled to bug her.

My junior high years were difficult, with my father having a nervous breakdown and my mother putting responsibilities on me to help run the household, pay the bills, and play the roll of my father in some ways. I began to use drugs, skip school, and steal from the local markets. I still hung out with the boys mostly, but secretly longed to have a girlfriend.

I would dream about taking her out, opening her door, protecting her, and treating her like a lady should be treated.

My father and I became close. My mom, however, grew to be jealous of his positive attention toward me. She became the emotionally closed-off, authoritarian, do-as-I-say-not-as-Ido, shut-up, don’t-argue-with-me, because-I-said-so parent.

My dad got a little better and worked at the high school I attended my sophomore year. I was in the marching and jazz bands, and he attended all of my home games. All my friends loved him. He relapsed in my junior year, and I was again required to take responsibilities I did not want. I resumed my drug use and partied with the boys whenever there was opportunity.

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I was sexually abused by a janitor that worked in the church across the alley from where we lived, and again at age 9 by the husband of my mother’s hairdresser. Although I don’t remember making an actual vow, I think this is about the time I decided that I would never let others control me again.

When I was 10, my parents owned and operated a newsstand. Back in those days, the pornography was located behind the counter and you had to discretely ask to look at and purchase it. My mom thought it better that she introduce it to me than me getting it “on the street.” This was her philosophy about alcohol as well.

I still longed for and dreamed about having a girlfriend, but even though the 70s were “enlightened,” the small southwest, bible-belt culture I lived in would not tolerate that kind of behavior openly, so I kept it my secret.

My junior and senior years were filled with promiscuity and drug use. I had sex with boys on my terms. I chose when, where, and who. It was something I always controlled. I also had sex with girls when I could manipulate and play on the fact that their inhibitions were altered by drugs and/or alcohol.

She seemed to think this would quell my curiosity, somehow, by allowing me to partake of these things at home under parental supervision. Little did she know, I consumed them regularly because they were readily available and easily accessible. It did not keep me from anything, but opened up doors that should not have been opened in the life of a child.

Her decision had ramifications that have affected me for years.

The responsibilities my mom required during my dad’s illness, her jealousy of my relationship with him, and my rebellion made living at home intolerable, so I moved out shortly after I graduated from high school. In the summer of my first year in college, I took a trip to see some friends.

I met a young lady on the plane ride home. We had similar interests, connected quickly and went deep fast. She invited me to her home. Her parents were out of town. I called in sick at work and stayed with her for two more days. I was in

I believe the direct result my exposure to pornography plus the abuse led to my first sexual encounter with a girl in grade school, which sadly, I pursued and initiated.

I was the quintessential tomboy. I always hung out with the 26

love. My dreams had come true!

children, and life went on. We were involved in church, homeschooled the children, played in the band for worship, and taught classes. Eventually, the church we attended went through a split. After a time of trying different churches, and simply not going for a while, we landed in a little church that seemed right. In the membership class, I met a lady that was my age, had kids the same age, and was interested in homeschooling. She invited me over to discuss home schooling.

She lived two hours away from my hometown and I would drive to see her every weekend. I got a second job to afford the gas and long distance bills. I was making plans to move to her city to be with her.

We had been seeing each other for about six months when my dad became ill yet again, and I couldn’t get away to see her for an extended period of time. I made elaborate plans for a “surprise” visit. When I finally found her that evening, she was with another girl. I dragged her out of the car and we had quite the fight. She informed me that it was over, she didn’t want to see me again, there was someone else, and that was that. Don’t call her, don’t try to see her. If I did she would have her father see that I was arrested.

We had similar interests, connected quickly, and went deep fast. Sound familiar? Within a year we were spending hour upon hour with one another. We tried to include the husbands, but they just messed up our time together, so we slowly excluded them over time.

As you can imagine this took a toll on our marriages, but we just thought our husbands were jerks and spent a lot of time counseling one another about what should be done about that. I even separated myself for a time from my husband in our own home. I slept on the floor in the living room telling the kids I couldn’t sleep in the same room because he snored so loudly.

I honestly don’t remember how I got home. There was a lot of alcohol and cocaine on board for that 110-mile drive. It was by the grace and mercy of God that I didn’t kill myself and/or someone else that evening.

I tried to call, but her parents would not let me talk to her and strongly suggested that I not call again. If I did, the law would be involved. I have no idea what she must have told them. I made a couple of stalking trips to try to see her, but

by God’s grace they were not successful.

I was devastated, angry, and depressed.

I partied a lot and did a lot of drugs for a while. I’m not sure how I came out of that spiral outside of my vow of control. I slowed down the partying and drug use, poured myself into work and school, kept to myself, and things began to feel better.

Then I met an older guy at school. He was interesting, he was nice, we liked similar things and had fun together. I thought, “Why not?” The other thing had not worked out well at all.

I was blinded to the fact that this was an affair. I didn’t put it in the same category because we were Christians. We were married. We were just good friends. There is nothing wrong with that. Sex was not even a part of our relationship, so it wasn’t an affair. As a matter of fact, I thought it was glorious to have deep connection with someone I didn’t have to have sex with. It was so good to have a friend, someone who “really” understood me; someone who “really” knew me and who I “really” knew. How wonderfully refreshing from my dreary life as a homeschooling, stay-at-home mom married to an emotionally distant man.

I was blinded to the fact that this was an affair ...we were Christians. We were married.

We were just good friends.

This went on for seven years before we actually admitted that something was not working. It was harder and harder for my friend and I to be together without fighting or something weird happening. We fasted, prayed, bought relationship books and went through bible studies trying to make things feel okay. We even considered going to counseling together. The break up took two years. I spent two more years trying to figure out how to live without her.

It wasn’t long before we moved in together. But again, the small town, the bible-belt culture and my long-time friend and neighbor strongly suggested that if we were going to live together we should be, must be, married. So we got married.

I pushed down all the other stuff and it lay relatively quiet under the surface for many years.

My husband and I tried to get back together, but we both had baggage and brokenness that neither of us had dealt

The years passed, we recommitted our lives to Christ, had

continued on page 33

27

Coming Out...

WHOLE

Our most precious firstborn son came out to us on a Saturday morning, while having breakfast on the patio with his father and me. It was early in the fall semester of his senior year at a very prestigious Christian-identified university. Both of our reactions, not responses, were horrible and not well received, sending all three of us into a downward spiral and infecting everyone around us. No one could have prepared us for that fateful morning, and if they had tried, we would have seriously rebuked them. It wouldn’t have been in Jesus’ name, either.

It has been nearly six years since that day and the fright-filled announcement by our son. I could have never predicted where God would take not only me, but my husband, our marriage, our family relationships, our faith, and everything we had believed up until that point. We have discovered, without a doubt, that God uses everything for His glory, not ours. Even though our son is still, as we say, “in a far country,” God is mightily at work.

by Deb,

mother of a son who is gay-identified

Daily, there are glimpses of how God is working behind the scenes in my husband and me, and also our adult 28

children. Our marriage has been turned upside down, and is stronger than ever for it. Our daughter has been married a little less than 5 years, and we even see how God is working in her marriage, in part, because of the journey with our son, her only brother.

I can still remember a day I was pridefully praying as I walked back to the house. I told God I was so thankful that the sin of homosexuality would never infect our family! This was before our son “came out” to us, but many years after my first sexual encounter with a neighborhood girl my age, pre-puberty. Six years after that encounter, my biological brother was raped at the age of 12 walking home after school. This violent, sexual predator threatened my brother. He told him that if he told anyone what he did to my brother, he would do the same to his mother and sister. He told him he knew where we lived and would be watching us. My little brother came home that day and tried to kill himself with my stepfather’s gun. He survived, but he would not speak of what had happened until nearly six years later.

So you see, my family had already

been touched by homosexuality, even though I was in denial on the day of that prideful prayer and also when our son came out to us.

remove my son, husband, and others from the pedestal that belongs only to Jesus as the object of my worship and praise. I have torn down those idols!

road to wholeness, either as strugglers, overcomers, or as friends and family of those who do struggle or have overcome, has simply been amazing.

Today I am in a very different place.

I found Living Hope Ministries and began engaging in a personal desire to know God, love Jesus, and to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I realized that I couldn’t do this for my son, my husband, brother, or daughter, but for me, and for Him. My journey to wholeness in Jesus has been one of continued, ongoing, and living hope, not one of hopelessness.

I have not arrived. As Ricky says, “it is a process, not an event.” I am continuing

The teachings and resources of LHM apply to every sin-nature, not just the specifics of same gender attractions.

This ongoing knowledge continues to blow my mind, and also to solidify that we each are born with a sin-nature, and we are all broken creatures in the eyes of our perfect Creator. I’m thankful He has given me a choice to love my sin, or to love Him. I’m growing in the confidence of His perfect love for me and am still working on my own journey of wholeness as I die to self daily. Some days are easier than others, but it does not change His unconditional love for me. Because of this head and heart knowledge, it makes it a joy to love my son and others as we continue to have hope our son may someday return from the far country.

Through Living Hope I’ve learned how to listen to the Holy Spirit, and have experienced my own personal growth.

I have grown in the knowledge of God and how Jesus alone is my perfect Bridegroom. I am better equipped to love, not only my son unconditionally, but everyone else on this planet, and with better personal boundaries. I’ve taken advantage of all that has been offered: the online forums, in-house meetings, teaching, friends and family gatherings, and yearly retreats. These interactions and teachings have helped

I am better equipped to love, not only my son unconditionally, but everyone else... to submit some areas of my life to the Lordship of Jesus, but I know without a doubt, that God led me to Living Hope Ministries in January 2009. The loving, truth-filled support of LHM leadership, and of others walking the 29

I was a BLEST MESS when I first came here. I am now BLEST IN EXCESS, because of Living Hope Ministries.

My Addiction - continued from page 23

I remember the first time I heard a woman mention masturbation at group. I was shocked that not only did she say the word, but she struggled with the same addiction I did. One night I remember a woman celebrating a year of being free from masturbation.

A year! I could hardly go a day without it and a year seemed like an impossible feat. I thought about how much joy this woman had in celebrating her year-long sobriety and could only hope that one day I might experience that same freedom.

Living Hope has walked with me through many struggles, including masturbation, the longest standing struggle in my life. To have a place where I could share this secret struggle, have people walk with me in this and not be freaked out, and be prayed over that I may be set free from this stronghold in my life, has been a life-changing experience. I have been a part of Living Hope for over two years, and today I can say that I have

not masturbated for all of 2014! This is something I never thought could happen.

Living Hope did not provide me with some secret prayer to say or some magic formula, but helped lead me closer to Jesus. Living Hope gave me a newfound sense of what it means to follow Christ, even behind closed doors. The leaders at Living Hope have given me the support and tools to grow deeper in my relationship with the Lord. The other women and leaders have been there for me when I would say countless times, “this is the last time,” and break that commitment over and over again. Living Hope would encourage me that Jesus is better and that the Cross is enough to meet these deeper needs I have been trying to meet through masturbation.

This struggle is something I cannot fight on my own. Living Hope has taught me that it is only with Jesus that I can be free from my addictions and my past.

of, Exodus International’s now defunct website, and found a ministry close to me – Living Hope Ministries. With great reluctance I scheduled my intake with Ricky, arrived at his office, and had my life story told to me through a white board by some man I had never met before. After his talk, however, I was probably more open with him than I had ever been with anyone in my life.

Although I was extremely timid at first, Living Hope has become a safe place for me to open up and learn to be vulnerable in a healthy way – to be real and grow with equally broken men as they push me towards wholeness in God.

Eventually I moved into the ministry’s Hope House (a discipleship house for men) and even went through the Living Waters program (a 20-week intensive discipleship study). Through these tools, God has allowed me to look deep into the well of my heart, where

I’ve stuffed so many feelings over the years, and bring those hurts into the light so they might be healed.

By the time of this publication, my time at the Hope House will have come to an end. I’m still far from where I want to be in my relationship with God, but there has been so much change and restoration in my life thanks to God’s work through the people and ministry of Living Hope. I am on the way to healthy relationships and the life God intended for me to live.

I had spent so much time pushing people away and hiding that I lost myself. I lost the hope of anyone, including God, ever knowing the real me. But because of the work of God through the ministry of Living Hope, I now have experienced the true living hope that is found in Jesus.

No More Walls - continued from page 25

like everything else in life, was for everyone except me.

Even though the pastor had told me truth, and I had experienced the hope that was always offered to me in Jesus, I was not completely open with him, and I eventually graduated college without experiencing any real healing.

After school, God quickly opened an opportunity in Texas for me to work in the field I had studied. I packed up and moved away from home just as soon as I had moved back from college. After a four-month transitional period of couch hopping, I finally found a place to settle down. But I was incredibly tempted. Living on my own gave me more freedom than I had ever had before, and my porn addiction moved into fantasies of acting out. I went through another terrible, dark time, but I was still hiding it from everyone.

I knew I needed help. I sought out the only reference I knew

30

How Can Living Hope Ministries

Help You?

Living Hope Ministries offers a variety of services to help those who are struggling with sexual and relational brokenness, homosexuality, and those who love them.

Participants must be active members of LHM in house or online to participate and agree to the conduct and confidentiality agreements of Living Hope Ministries.

Support Groups

Online Support

We offer FREE weekly support groups. These meetings are confidential and a person must go through an intake interview prior to attending the group. Intakes can be arranged by calling our office at 817-459-2507, Monday Friday, 10a-6p or by emailing us at info@livehope.org.

LHM offers the world’s largest, FREE, moderated, online support forums, open 24/7. You must complete an application online and be approved. Our online support mirrors our in-house offerings.

Education

Arlington, TX location:

• Men

• Women

• Youth (up to 26)

• Friends and Family

• Wives of men with same gender attractions Bryan/College Station, TX location:

• Men (18+)

• Women

• Friends and Family Denton, TX location:

• Men (18+)

• Friends and Family Coming in 2015, locations in Friendswood, TX and Charleston, SC. See our website for contact info.

(If there is no location near you, we duplicate all these groups online through our online support ministry.)

LHM offers free education to the church, universities, seminaries, and community on understanding homosexuality and gender development as well as how to have a Christ-like, redemptive response to those who are struggling with their sexuality. We also have teachings on sexual addiction, masculinity, femininity, raising gender-healthy children, and host of customizable teachings on sexual and relational wholeness. For more information or to book one of our staff, please call or email info@livehope.org.

Living Waters Living Waters is a closed, intensive, discipleship program and a fee is charged for this group. Living Waters is offered once per year for 21 weeks, beginning January. Register online.

Mentoring

Retreats Retreats are concentrated times of exploration, examination, worship and fellowship. In the midst of God’s creation individuals are encouraged to experience God in deep and personal ways. Worship, Bible Study, and teaching are parts of these red-letter events.

• Thursday through Sunday retreat for young adults (18-26) in the Spring.

• Friday through Sunday retreat for adults 27+ in the Spring.

Pastoral mentoring/counseling is offered on a limited basis for those with same sex attractions or their family members. You must call or email for an appointment.

Online Resources Visit our website for articles, testimonies, resources and products at www.livehope.org. Also download our free LHM app for smartphone and tablets.

31

Special Thanks to

Living Hope Ministries Board of Directors Rev. Bob Stith, Chairman of the Board, Retired Pastor and Retired National Strategist for Gender Issues of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Sue Bohlin, Secretary of the Board, Calligrapher, Webservant for Probe Ministries, and speaker.

Member of Watermark Community Church, Dallas, TX Larry Forkner, Retired attorney, Bible study leader, and member of First Presbyterian Church, Columbia, SC. Rev. Darrel Auvenshine, Pastor, Southside City Church, Fort Worth, TX. Men’s Ministry Director Living Hope Ministries.

Dr. Brock Faulkner, Assistant Professor, Texas A&M University, Elder Community Church, Bryan, TX Michael McFarlane, Professional pilot and Delta Airlines Captain. Member of Denton Bible Church, TX. Rev. Ricky Chelette, Executive Director, LHM, Minister of Pastoral Ministries, First Baptist Church, Arlington, TX.

Do We Call Things Off?

by Andrew, 25

I

first came to Living Hope in a state of panic. I was weeks away from marrying my then fiancée, but had only just revealed my struggle with same-sex attraction to her two months prior. Apart from her, three others knew of my struggle: a good friend and a married couple that have long acted as mentors to me. My fiancée received the news admirably, willing to marry me or to call things off depending on what we felt the Lord was leading and what those in a position to counsel us recommended. The problem, of course, was that none of us had ever dealt with something like this before.

I showed up to Ricky’s office, begging him to tell me what to do: do we call things off? Do we get married and work things out as we go? After a handful of meetings, we eventually decided to carry on with the wedding: a resolution that was equal parts an utter relief and an absolutely terrifying prospect. My wife and I were entering into all the confusion and change that comes with marriage, and compounding things with another element of difficulty that neither of us had really bargained for. I was scared of how her awareness of my struggle might affect her feelings for me, and at a loss for how to both lead a marriage and openly, vulnerably take my first honest steps towards fighting against what had been a lifelong struggle.

It has now been three years since my wedding, and I cannot overemphasize how vital a role Living Hope has played in my life personally and in the life of my marriage. To have a place where I can be known, without judgment, without shame; to have people who understand me simply by virtue of the fact that we’ve had the same experiences and share the same desire to know Jesus and the healing He brings; to have leaders and friends who challenge me, who refuse to let me give up on myself or my wife when things get difficult: these have been invaluable lifelines for me. As I continue to resist the devil and fight for holiness, my brothers and sisters at Living Hope are faithful to remind me of the transformative power of the Gospel and the grace of a Savior who loves me unconditionally. I am so endlessly grateful that the Lord has blessed me with this community, and for the way this community continues to bless others like me.

Thank You Living Hope!

by Kelley

Living Hope was a place for transparency, authenticity, confession, forgiveness and healing.

Living Hope was also a place for me to find the truth about how God viewed men, women and godly sexuality. My view of men and women was distorted. Some of it was attributed to my relationship with my mother and father and some of it to my addiction to pornography. The leadership at Living Hope provided examples of godly men who were safe, kind and who pointed me to the truth of how God saw me.

I learned to have healthy boundaries with the men and women at Living Hope which protected me there, as well as in my marriage to the godly man the Lord brought into my life!

I’m thankful that God really does love me and knows what I need. I almost missed His best for me...!”

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Affair to Foget - continued from page 27

with, making it seemingly impossible to ever make anything work. I began to drink, view lesbian porn, and chat regularly online with other lesbians.

I became frustrated and disillusioned and decided I would leave my husband and family to enter the lifestyle.

I was convinced I would find happiness and bliss.

read for hours upon hours. There were others who struggled with this – other married Christian women just like me.

It sparked hope, even though I was not sure I actually wanted to change or give up the things that had been a part of me for as long as I could remember.

At the very least, it could be my “last effort,” so I could say: “See I tried, but this is who I really am.”

Realizing the magnitude of my sin, I became deathly afraid of anyone finding out

There is an insanity that comes with sin. In 2008, all my plans were in place to move out. I was anticipating the freedom of my new life. I could finally come out and live the way I had always wanted to live.

All that was left to do was make the announcement of my departure when God visited me on a drive home from work one day. He spoke very clearly to my heart that if I did this that there would be irrevocable damage to my children. In my hard-hearted, sinful, arrogance, my response to Him was, “You are God. You can fix anything.”

There was a deathly silence and separation that filled the car. I knew God was serious and at the very least, I needed to postpone my plans.

I continued to visit porn and chat websites. One evening, switching between porn, chat, and the Exodus website I came across this little blurb about Living Hope Ministries. I looked at the Living Hope website read some of the articles, and something stirred in me. I set up a fake email and asked for access to the online support forums under a fake name.

Days passed and I didn’t get a response so I set up a time limit. If I didn’t hear by a certain day, that was going to be my permission to go ahead with my plans. I got the email two days before my deadline.

Thankfully, I had time to read when I accessed the sight for the first time. I

Then D’Ann, the Women’s Ministry Director for LHM, posted a little article about healthy friendships. The truth rang through my soul and God graciously gave me eyes to see that my relationship with my friend was indeed sin. In fact, it was idol worship.

It was not healthy, and diametrically opposed to God’s plan and purpose.

This realization set the course for my journey toward healing. I committed myself to honesty with God, with D’Ann, and with the ladies on the forum.

Realizing the magnitude of my sin, I became deathly afraid of anyone finding out I struggled with same-sex attraction. I felt like it was such a huge, controversial sin that I simply couldn’t share it with anyone. I believed my non-Christian friends would encourage me to go live in the lifestyle, and my Christian friends, my church, and my family, would likely disown me.

I thank God for the online forum as it was the rope that kept me tethered to the Lord. There I experienced accountability, encouragement, and God’s truth. The forums provided discrete help for me when I could find nothing in my state or town. D’Ann was never afraid to share biblical truth with me, and did it in love and from a heart to see me whole. Her ability to proclaim truth and her heart for me

and the women here at Living Hope were monumental in getting me to where I am today.

When the pain and temptation was so great that I wanted to head to the porn and chat sites or simply give up, I would go to the forums and read about how God worked with, changed, and healed others. When I thought I wasn’t going to make it, the ladies would pray for me, helping me to come back from the edge. It helped me to remember that God makes a way, that He is faithful, that there is healing and hope in this process, that it is worth it to press on, and that I was not alone.

My first retreat was in 2010. I told my family I was part of a women’s online bible study associated with a church in Texas that had a women’s retreat each year. D’Ann was the Women’s Ministry Director and I was invited. All true, I just left out the gay/lesbian part.

At the retreats, Ricky preaches the Word in truth and love boldly, in spite of our culture, and it is truly amazing.

The worship is filled with the Spirit of God, preparing our hearts for the Word and work that He wants to do during the weekend. Each year, God presses me to a new level of understanding of His great love for me and who I am in Him. A month before retreat number three in 2012, with D’s support and gentle urging, I was able to tell my husband that I struggled with same-sex attraction and what kind of retreat I was actually attending.

The theme that year was “Not Ashamed.” I was asked to share my testimony and, in doing so, was able to finally lay down my lesbian identity of Pam K. It wasn’t my real name, but the name I used when signing up for the forums. And it was a rebellious, covert way to stay connected to my first female love and lesbian identity.

I was no longer ashamed to be Karen, woman of God, saved by the blood of the Lamb. continued on page 34

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Affair to Forget - continued from page 33

That retreat also gave me the courage to share my struggle with my small women’s group at my church. They warmly received my confession, and I now have not only local support and accountability, but healthy female friends.

If it were not for Living Hope, I would have destroyed my family and myself and the collateral damage would have been monumental. I now help moderate the adult women’s forums and try to point others who struggle to Jesus and His Word, which changes hearts and minds.

Ricky says that Living Hope snatches people from destruction. God through Living Hope snatched me from certain destruction and I am forever and eternally grateful. My family is intact, and I have wealth beyond measure because people gave to, prayed for, and supported this ministry. I would encourage you tonight to ask God what He might have you give so others like me can receive the help they need to discover freedom in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Truly, He who the Son sets free is free indeed.

Real Women? - continued from page 22

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churches invited LHM to preach/speak/teach

150

individuals involved each month in in-person support groups

1,200+

hours of free pastoral counseling/mentoring provided by LHM

8,081

members on our free online support forums

46,662

topics on our online support forums

929,667

posts by individuals on our online support forums

Him, not in our broken, self-centered “strength.”

In a society where the family unit is decreasing in its stability, we need women who will forsake worldly definitions of what a woman is and embrace the glorious identity God has bestowed upon us: we are His daughters. As women of God, we need to operate out of our femininity and embrace all the facets of it. Being relational, nurturing, vulnerable/ soft, beautiful, and responsive are wonderful qualities that God Himself has bestowed upon us, and we can bear His image rightly as we function in them. We can walk with men in a way that honors them and nurtures their masculinity. We can submit to God and His design for us and find the joy that comes from obediently embracing who we really are. We are His daughters, and thus we should define ourselves as He does, and not as the world, television, pop music, feminism, and pornography do. As in all things, we look to Him, and it is there that we might find rest as women. So let us move forward as biblical women who are honoring God in our essence and action. Let us be truly feminine women.

Special Thanks to our Partner Churches If you are interested in becoming a partner church, please contact Ricky Chelette at ricky@livehope.org or call our office at 817-459-2507 If you are looking for a Gospel-centered congregation, join one of these great churches.

We are indebted to their support, prayers, and partnership in the transformational work of the Gospel.

First Baptist Church Arlington, TX All Saints Episcopal Church Dallas, TX Friendswood Community Church Friendswood, TX Alsbury Baptist Church Burleson, TX Park Cities Presbyterian Church Dallas, TX First Baptist Church Midlothain, TX Parkway Baptist Church McKinney, TX 34

Rockpointe Church Flower Mound TX Victory Life Church Battle Creek, MI Antioch Community Church Waco, TX Southside City Church Fort Worth, TX Denton Bible Church Denton, TX Community Church College Station, TX The Village Church Flower Mound, Denton, Dallas, Fort Worth, TX

Crushing IDOLS I’d like to say that my testimony is pretty unique, but it’s not – at least not at Living Hope. And that’s the beauty of it. LHM is a place I can go where others who share in my struggle are being transformed by the power of Christ.

In all honesty, I never wanted to attend a support group. God had done an amazing work in my life and got me out of my homosexual lifestyle without any outside help. In truth, I’m just an extremely stubborn person, and the only One who could reach me was the Holy Spirit. Sure, there were others who tried to show me the way, but I refused to listen. When God revealed that living the homosexual lifestyle was a sin, I repented of it. When I sum it up like that it sounds simple, as if it just—*poof*—happened one day. But I had been living as a lesbian for seven years! I knew I had to repent, and I knew I had to make it public at my church. I walked the aisle of my church and rededicated my life to Christ—at least that’s what I thought back then. It wasn’t until later I realized what I was actually doing was coming to Christ for the very first time.

The first thing my church suggested was for me to go to a support group. I thought, “No way! God got me this far without any outside help; I’m just going to trust in Him.” Honestly, a support group scared me.

I didn’t like the idea because of how culture paints such groups. And well, hey, I didn’t need help. Or so I thought.

God is gracious and He did in fact make some major changes in my life during that time even without a support group.

Little did I know, there was still more God wanted to do. It was after a year

of walking with the Lord in freedom from homosexuality that I felt the call to commit myself to ministry. The urge was so strong. I just loved the Lord so much that I couldn’t think of anything more worth doing than proclaiming the Gospel. So I again found myself walking down the aisle of my church.

Only this time, I was going to tell everyone that I wanted to dedicate my life to serving God in ministry.

My pastor got me connected me with someone who would assist me in figuring out what ministry or missions I wanted to do. There were so many ministries in my area that I could help. I was so excited that God had ignited this passion in me. It really didn’t matter to me where I served – I just wanted to help. But the crazy thing is, everyone kept affirming to me that I should get involved in a ministry that helps gays turn their lives around. I didn’t have to look far because Living Hope was in my own backyard.

And what’s even crazier is that the interim pastor at my church knew who the director was! Because of how the events unfolded, I knew this path was from God.

by Brittany, 28

bad person, but because she was my idol. Those words pierced my heart.

The worst thing I could have ever been told was now being told to me. It wasn’t enough that I gave up my homosexual lifestyle? Now I have to give up my best friend, too? As horrifying as that truth was, I knew I had to face the music. I knew too well that God had brought me there. And if He had brought me there under any other circumstances, I might have dismissed it. But He brought me there in a miraculous way.

I left Living Hope upset, but I knew I needed to come back. Though my intentions were to go there and help others, it turns out I was the one who needed the help after all.

I’ve learned a ton about the Bible

I found myself at the office of Living Hope Ministries for my intake. I thought to myself, “I don’t need to do intake. I’m here to help people.

God has already done all the work.

There’s nothing left I need to change.”

Well, you don’t get too far into intake before you realize you’ve got some sin in your life. What I found out that day was that—news flash—it’s not okay to live with your ex (even if they are your best friend). Not because she was a 35

I’ve been attending Living Hope for a year and a half now. I can honestly say that I would not have made it this far had I not had the support of this Christ-honoring group of people. Yes, the truth hurts, but it’s truth proclaimed in love – the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is only through Jesus that we are transformed and can walk in the newness of life.

I’ve learned a ton about what Biblical femininity is and have had a ton of my other questions answered about the Bible. I thank God for His saving me. I thank Him even more for bringing me to Living Hope. When I think of Living Hope, the 17th verse of Proverbs 27 comes to mind: “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Only in this case, there’s a whole lot more than one person. My story isn’t unique, but it is a story of hope, and there are a lot of stories of hope at Living Hope Ministries.

P.O. Box 2239 Arlington, TX 76004 817.459.2507

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