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Contents Embrace Truth: A New Revolution ........................... 3 Confessing Christ in the Face of Lies.......................... 4 Truth.......................................................................... 5 Who God Created You to Be...................................... 6 Who Can We Trust? .................................................. 7 A Friend of Strugglers................................................ 8 A Mom's Story............................................................ 9
BOARD OF DIRECTORS Rev. Bob Stith Chairman of the Board
Not One of the Boys.................................................. 11
Sue Bohlin Secretary of the Board
Journey to the Heart of God..................................... 13
Larry Forkner
Tears of Joy & A New Husband for My Wife............ 16 Embracing God's Truth: Finding My True Identity..... 19
Michael McFarlane Rev. Ricky Chelette Executive Director
Amazing Love .......................................................... 20 A Year in Review ..................................................... 22
STAFF
Do You See Me?........................................................ 24
Rev. Ricky Chelette Executive Director
The Night it Happened ............................................ 27
Bonnie Scasta Women’s Ministry Director
Online But Never Alone .......................................... 31 Dear Traveler on this Great Journey ....................... 33
Bruno Borges Men’s Ministry Director Director of Operations
The Fashioning & Distruction of an Idol ................ 35
Sam Parrish Office Manager
The Beautiful Benefits of Embracing Truth.............. 37
Chris Ward Campus Director, LH Houston, TX
The Road to Healing................................................. 38 A Gospel-Centered Tranformation.......................... 41 How Can Living Hope Ministries Help You?............ 43
Marsha Development
livehope.org 817.459.2507 PO Box 2239 Arlington, TX 76004
Our Mission Living Hope Ministries seeks to proclaim God’s truth as we journey with those seeking sexual and relational wholeness through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. 2
Living Hope Ministries is a non-profit, nondenominational, 501(c)3 organization. All gifts and donations are tax deductable. Copyright 2017 Living Hope Ministries, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part must cite Living Hope Ministries, author’s name when given, and www.livehope.org.
Embrace Truth:
The New Revolution By Ricky Chelette, Executive Director As a boy, I remember dreaming of the day when I could escape what I thought were the tyrannical rules of my parents. I wanted a life of “freedom,” a life without rules, boundaries, or limits. I wanted to do what I wanted when I wanted, and how I wanted. As a young boy, I had no idea what I was asking. I was a child with a dream that only saw rules, limits, and boundaries as barriers.
But we cannot do our work without your prayers, help, and support. The forces of darkness and confusion are mounting against ministries like Living Hope. The narrative of the day is markedly against embracing truth. Our world is bombarded with non-stop information that seeks to replace the truth of God with the “wisdom” of man, which in reality is nothing more than a cacophony of confusion and lies.
Today, it appears that childhood dream has become a realworld nightmare – a world without rules, boundaries or limits. Beliefs and ideas which were considered normal and inherently true in my childhood (things like gender, sex, male/female marriage, and basic understandings of right and wrong) seem to be vanishing from our world. As an adult, I now know that real freedom only happens when there are limits, rules, boundaries, and a deep sense of right and wrong. True freedom only occurs when real truth is honored.
Just from January to July of this year, The New York Times ran 200+ stories about LGBTQIA issues, a group which only makes up at best 4% of the population, and almost all of those articles were favorable towards LGBTQIA concerns. During this same period of time, they ran 30 articles about Christianity (Christians make up 83% of the American Population) and almost all of the articles reported Christians in a negative light.
Never has the contrast between God’s truth and the narrative of the culture been more pronounced.
With additional staff, new resources, and a commitment to significantly impact our world one person and one family at a time, LHM is poised to have its most exciting and influential year ever. Our Houston, Denton, and Arlington campuses are strong and growing. Our online ministry continues to reach new people daily. Our speaking schedule continues to put us in front of thousands of people each year who desperately long to understand these issues and respond redemptively, graciously, and biblically.
Objective truth is a universal reality which can be denied, but never avoided. Truth is the fire to which we are all drawn: a fire that we either submit to and become emboldened by, or a fire we foolishly fight and become consumed by. It is inevitably determinate, though seemingly elusive.
In a day when others are compromising truth, retreating from traditional Christian theology, and even ignoring strong, evidential science and psychology, LHM continues to shine as a beacon on a hill proclaiming the uncompromising Word of God which convicts the heart and transforms all those who have ears to hear.
At Living Hope Ministries, we have been proclaiming God’s truth from our inception. Never has the contrast between God’s truth and the narrative of the culture been more pronounced. Each week we hear from individuals and families throughout the United States and around the world who are seeking truth in an age of confusion. What we offer them is the uncompromising truth revealed in God’s Word. God’s truth defines who we are, how we are to live, and how we are overwhelmingly loved by a Creator who gave His very life so that we could be adopted into His family. We gracefully and lovingly walk with individuals and families through the milieu of cultural narratives, twisted theology, and undeniable feelings to help them understand the God who promises that if “anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Cor. 5:17).
“In a time of deceit telling, the truth is a revolutionary act,” wrote George Orwell. As you read the real-life stories contained in this magazine, you will find that LHM is much more revolutionary than any of us dreamed. We see the power of God at work and we cannot ignore His love, His transforming power, or His irresistible invitation to live life to the fullest. We must tell the good news of Jesus and see the captives set free! At Living Hope Ministries, we embrace truth, God’s truth, and we invite you to join us in the revolution!
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Christ By Rev. Bob Smith, Chairman of the Board “What is truth?” Pilate’s question in John 18:38 is very appropriate for the season in which we find ourselves.
if possible, even the elect.” Mark 13:22 So, in times like these, I am so thankful for a ministry like Living Hope, for Ricky Chelette, and for the incredible staff he has raised up. With confusion and doubt on every hand, Living Hope continues to hold up a beacon of clarity. Living Hope continues to build on the solid Rock.
Almost daily it seems that another Christian leader has decided that we’ve misunderstood the biblical teaching on homosexuality. After 23 years of ministry in this area, I still hear of friends who once stood faithfully with scripture but have now shifted positions.
The battle continues to rage and the increasing weight of government, media, and entertainment is marshaled against the truths we hold dear. We invite you to stand with us.
Has that which we’ve always accepted as truth changed? Have we misunderstood, misinterpreted scripture for the last 3,000 years? Alexander Solzhenitsyn believed, “We do not err because truth is difficult to see. It is visible at a glance. We err because this is more comfortable.”
A quote, which is perhaps erroneously attributed to Martin Luther, says,
In her book, The Power of Logical Thinking, Marilyn vos Savant writes,
If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ. Wherever the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved, and to be steady on all the battlefield besides is mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that one point.
I’d go so far as to say that never before, in the history of this country, have citizens been so jerked around logically to the point where they have become incapable of making reasonable decisions. This has begun to evidence itself in incredible jury verdicts. By using every logical error known to mankind in an effort to further one or another special interest, we have begun to reap what we have sown, the seeds of intellectual weakness and mental disorder. Every newspapers’ front page is biased; the notion that a newspaper’s position only comes through on its editorial position is no longer even quaint; it’s foolish.
We are grateful that you continue to fight with us, to stand upon the unshakeable truths of God. We could not do what we do without that support. Soli Deo Gloria.
Jesus warned us about times like this: “For false Christ’s and false prophets will rise and show signs and wonders to deceive,
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=T R U T H = By Bruno Borges, Men’s Ministry Director and Director of Operations Having served this past year as the Men’s Ministry Director at LHM, I have been privileged to meet and walk with some of the most amazing, talented, and God loving men I have ever met. They come from all backgrounds and stand in different places in their walk with Jesus. While several have recently surrendered their lives to Him, others have been in the Christian journey for years. As I have gotten to know each of these men, I realized that almost all of them came to Living Hope for one particular reason: they struggled to sort out biblical truth versus worldly truths in reference to their samesex attractions.
These two words, in tandem, help us create a tri-part biblical definition of truth: 1. Truth is that which corresponds to reality. 2. Truth is that which matches its object. 3. Truth is simply telling it like it is. As we look ahead to this year with the theme of embracing truth, the Men’s Ministry at Living Hope will be equipping our gentleman with the right biblical resources to do just that. For our younger men ages 18-26, we have recently revamped the entire Hope House program, a one-year discipleship program that provides participants with the right tools to thrive in our world as faithful followers and servants of Jesus. Our goal will be to walk with our participants as they boldly confront life’s struggles, mature in their Christian journey, and prepare to be healthy members and leaders in their local churches.
As Christians, we are constantly exposed to multiple—and sometimes conflicting—definitions of truth. When we go to church, attend Bible studies, and engage in the spiritual disciplines, we have the truth of God spoken into our lives. We also, however, hear the loudness of the world’s “truth,” the lies thrown at us from all ends of our broken and sinful society. With that said, many men have walked into my office with misconstrued ideas or culturally constructed conceptions of “truth” that torment their lives. Part of walking together in the men’s ministry, then, is rooting out these false definitions of truth. Every week, we remind ourselves what truth is not:
For our more seasoned gentlemen, we will also be focusing on servant ministry as we embrace the truth that, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). We hope to be introduced to, and partnered with, our participant’s church leaders so that we can collaboratively work towards developing a triangular relationship between LHM, our participants, and their churches. We want local churches to know that we exist to serve as an external resource to their ministry, equipping church leadership on how to love existing and incoming members who struggle with same-sex attraction and relational brokenness. Our hope and prayer is for participants to be connected to and engaged with a church community that loves, supports, and understands the needs of the sensitive soul, as well as for them to serve within a ministry that explores their unique gifting and maximizes the joy of being salt and light in the lives of others.
• Truth is not simply whatever works. In reality, lies can appear to “work,” but they are still lies and not the truth. • Truth is not what makes people feel good. Bad news can be true. • Truth is not what the majority says is true. Fifty-one percent of a group can reach a wrong conclusion. • Truth is not defined by what is intended. Good intentions can still be wrong. • Truth is not how we know; truth is what we know. • Truth is not simply what is believed. A lie believed is still a lie.
But above everything, the Men’s Ministry will continue to walk with our men as they journey in becoming the godly men He has created and called them to be. We will be there, side by side, helping them see, hear, and understand the quiet, soothing, and truthful voice of God over the loud lies that bombard us every day and attempt to steal our focus away from Christ our Truth, our Way, our Life.
The question then still remains—what is truth? When Jesus calls himself the Truth (Jn. 14:5), John uses the Greek word aletheia, which literally means to “un-hide” or “hiding nothing.” In this way, the word suggests that truth is always there, always open, and available for all to see, with nothing being hidden or obscured. Additionally, the majority of the words translated as “truth” in the Old Testament are in fact the Hebrew word emeth, which means “firmness,” “constancy,” and “duration.” Such a definition implies an everlasting substance and something that can be relied upon.
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Who God Created You To Be By Bonnie Scasta, Women’s Ministry Director
The Lord has been faithful to meet the women of Living Hope Ministries over the past year. We are excited and expectant for what He will do in the year to come as we embrace the truth of Jesus together. We believe that, as women, we have a unique opportunity to embrace truth in a world that seems to think gender no longer plays any role in how we live out our lives as sons and daughters of God. Many women come to Living Hope believing the lies that are espoused by the enemy of our souls and circulated within our secularized culture, which disdains even the notion of absolute truth. Often, these women think that they are the only one in their churches struggling with same-sex attraction, believing that by experiencing these attractions they stand condemned and hopelessly flawed. Still others believe the lie that they are disqualified from healthy relationships with women,
their inability to measure up to the world’s model of femininity causing them to be less valuable. Many are encouraged to celebrate a gay identity as their churches and Christian communities fail to provide a safe place for them to struggle through their attractions and make their way toward their true identity as women who fear the Lord. Even worse yet, some find themselves among other Christians who have agreed with the lie of the age and continue the deception that a person’s attractions trump their identity in Christ, conferring an identity of “gay Christian” on them. Living Hope stands in opposition to these lies and seeks to provide a safe place for women to become more fully who God created them to be: a strong woman as defined by God’s word and design. This means that the women of Living Hope seek to be disciples of Jesus before anything else. We collectively throw off the lies the culture pushes on us. We lay down our feelings and experiences to embrace an understanding of womanhood that simultaneously celebrates the feminine as distinct from the masculine, yet acknowledges femininity as something deeper than any outward appearances or stereotypes articulated by our culture.
Over the next year, we hope to identify the lies we have believed as women, to embrace truth together through building deeper relationships with the Lord and with one another. It is through Christ that the truth is found and it is in the safety of loving relationships that lies can be challenged and truth received. We want to be women who know the truth, to encourage and speak the truth in love to one another. This is the most beautiful aspect of the Women’s Ministry at Living Hope. It is a place of truth for our women to gather together and spur one another on in love. Our online forums, in-house support groups, and satellite locations allow women across the nation—and even the world— to be encouraged and connected as they journey toward the Truth in communities that are staunchly opposed to their choice to follow Jesus, surrendering their attractions and definitions of femininity to Him. Please join us by praying for the women of Living Hope this year. Ask the Lord to make Himself known to our women by making clear what is true and what is a lie in their life. Ask Him to knit our hearts together as we seek Him. And ask Him for opportunities for us to embrace truth as women seeking to define our femininity in Him, to live out our lives in obedience as His daughters.
The women of Living Hope seek to be disciples of Jesus before anything else. 6
WHO CAN WE TRUST? By Chris Ward, Campus Director, LH Houston, TX I have a picture that sits in my office, a photo that has followed me for almost 20 years now. It’s not of family or friends. No, it’s actually a picture of some graffiti that reads, “Who Can We Trust?”
defined as “holding something closely.” We must be conscious to hold truth closely because our culture is full of false voices shouting loudly in all directions. Those voices ask us to redefine truth or even to dismiss it completely. Thus, the conscious embracing of truth has never been more critical than it is today. But where do we find this truth? We find it in the same place that Pontius Pilate missed it—Jesus Christ. Jesus even reminds us, “I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life." At Living Hope Houston, we continue to proclaim God’s truth. And He has been faithful to provide many opportunities for us to share that truth this past year. We continue to spread the word about the mission of Living Hope in the greater Houston area and are amazed at what God is doing in the lives of those who are seeking freedom, understanding, encouragement, and hope. The Houston LHM satellite continues to grow in size and effectiveness. Through more and more intake meetings— as well as connections with churches, counseling centers, Christian camps, and families—we are excited to see how God is constantly leading hurting people to Living Hope Houston. As we continue to grow, we are excited to announce that Jen Ward has now joined the staff of Living Hope Houston as our new Women’s Director. Her giftedness, experience, and wisdom will help multiply the hope offered to women in the Houston area. We also have added six volunteer staff. These volunteers will provide continued stability, wisdom, and direction for our Friends and Family support group. In Houston, we know in whom we can HOPE. He who is the truth: Jesus Christ!
This picture has haunted me from the day that I first saw it. I still glance at it often and think of the person who scrawled those words. Chances are they discovered that not everyone can be trusted and that trusting can lead to disappointment. Whatever the case, it was a question so important to the artist that it was shared with the world. For me, it’s a constant reminder that there are many voices in this world, each with an opinion, an agenda, or even a hidden motive. “Who Can We Trust” can be asked another way—What is truth? 2000 years ago, Jesus stood before Pontius Pilate and was asked this very question—What is truth? Ironically, this Roman leader looked truth directly in the eyes as he spoke these words, yet missed Him entirely. This same problem continues today. Truth, absolutes, morality, healthy sexuality, and abundant life are seen as relative, based not on absolutes but instead on opinions, feelings, and cultural expressions. Despite these falsehoods, truth remains. In Houston, we use an acronym to remind us of our baseline in helping those who need hope and need to embrace the truth: Hold on to the truth Open your life up to others Protect and guard your heart Enjoy God’s forgiveness when you fall This year at Living Hope, we are challenging ourselves and others to embrace truth, recognizing that nothing else matters if we don’t base our HOPE in God’s truth. To embrace is
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A
Friend
of Strugglers
By Kelley, 35 I found Living Hope after praying about a way to live out my belief that anyone struggling with sin can be set free to come into the arms of God via the Church. I believe that this hope should be shared with everyone trapped by sin and, as I thought about sharing this truth, it seemed to me that those who struggle with same-sex attraction were marginalized or put aside somehow. While I personally don’t struggle with same-sex attraction, I knew I wanted to help those who did by pointing them toward Christ.
I felt like we were actually talking about a major issue in church instead of pretending like it didn’t exist all desperately need the healing power of Jesus to cleanse us from our iniquity. I’m sad to say that I feel the current Church at large is “not ready” to deal with the realities of same-sex attraction. Stigma and judgment still exist even in the Church, a place that is meant to be a healing sanctuary. Living Hope is a bridge for those leaving the “far country,” an image I borrow from the story of the prodigal son, to come into an open, accepting place of healing. I have learned that we all struggle and we need each other to help us get through trials and share victories together.
The event that got me thinking so much about redemption and the LGBTQ community was a prayer my pastor offered on the Sunday after the dreaded Orlando nightclub shooting. I was shocked that he would pray about such a “worldly” issue in church, but I was glad because it seemed like a breath of fresh air to me. I felt like we were actually talking about a major issue in church instead of pretending like it didn’t exist or, worse, simply categorizing a certain group and calling them bad. We were praying for real people and positive change. But after that week, we never said anything about it again. It was if the topic had completely fallen out of our line of sight. What happened to praying for change? What happened to praying for transformation? I knew that there had to be other Christians dedicated to praying for and loving those who struggle with same-sex attraction. And that was when I found Living Hope.
Living Hope is a bridge for those leaving the “far country” Since coming to Living Hope, I have learned that we all need a listening ear and sometimes a shoulder to cry on. Everyone’s struggle is different, yet we all seek the same healing. The biggest lesson I have learned so far is to truly listen to others and stay humble. We all need Jesus. My hope is that those struggling with their gender identity will feel welcomed into the arms of the Church to bring their burdens boldly to the throne and find their life conformed to Jesus.
So often, I feel like the LGBTQ community is in one corner and the Church is in the other. Living Hope helps me remember that ALL sin issues need to be confessed and repented. Our sins are not categorized or ranked. Instead, we
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A Mom’s Story By Amy, 43 My husband and I had concerns about our son’s behavior at an early age. He loved to dress up as a girl and enjoyed musicals and movies featuring women, particularly women villain characters. We knew that his behavior was much more than just a little boy trying out different roles and characters. He looked at women the way most boys look at famous sports players. He always preferred interacting with females and at home, I was the only one he wanted to interact with. We sought counseling a couple different times, but we were always told that our son was just a precocious little boy who needs to spend more time with his Dad. Something easier said than done. Because I noticed other little boys teasing him, I tried to change some of our son’s behaviors and interest when he was around five. However, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me not to try and change my son to fit what others expect him to be, and not to be afraid to encourage him to be his own person. My son’s behaviors weren’t “gay” just because he enjoyed music, art, and the color pink. And he wasn’t
“gay” just because he didn’t enjoy sports and guns.
son. I continued to set boundaries in my relationship with our son. And we prayed.
As our son grew, his behavior became more flamboyant and his attitude towards his Dad went from indifference to outright rejection. He wanted nothing to do with his Dad or any male. My husband continued to reach out to our
Our son was fourteen years old when he disclosed a homosexual identity. I was just about to go to bed when I felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to go talk to my son. I told him that I knew he had something to tell me and that I was ready to listen. At first, he said that he wasn’t interested in getting help because he had already prayed for a long time for God to take away his sexual attraction to guys. He reasoned that if God wanted him to change, then God would take away his same-sex attraction. However, he also said that he didn’t think God approved of his decision to be gay. He felt frustrated that God had created him to be something He didn’t approve of and he felt powerless to overcome his same-sex attraction, his homosexuality presumably hardwired into his nature.
OUR SON WAS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD WHEN HE DISCLOSED A HOMOSEXUAL IDENTITY.
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I was devastated, but I knew that God had prepared me for such a time as this. He gave me the words my son and I needed to hear, reminding me in that moment that this was for His glory. I knew that though Satan intended this situation for harm, God would use it to grow all of us in our relationship with
Him. God assured me that our son would return to Him eventually and be instrumental in bringing many more that struggle with same-sex attraction back home to Christ.
our relationship with God, our fears are abolished and our faith grows, our ability to see our loved ones clearly and love them unconditionally becoming possible.
Our son is now sixteen and still struggles with same-sex attraction, but does not identify himself as a homosexual. He initially tried counseling and help through Living Hope, but was unwilling to follow the advice he received. He continues to struggle with his relationship with God and those that love him. He voices that he is angry at God for ignoring him and not taking away his same-sex attraction. He is angry at my husband and me for putting boundaries on his female friendships.
Love covers over all wrongs (Proverbs 10:12). My husband and I realize that our son has a relationship problem, not a homosexual problem. Living Hope offers hope and healing through a
My heart breaks for him because I know in his own strength, he is trying his best to avoid having a sexual relationship with the same sex by avoiding them all together, befriending girls because they are easier to relate to and safer. What is required for him to overcome his same-sex attraction is impossible for him, but possible with God (Luke 18:27).
personal relationship with Christ. It hasn’t been easy, but this struggle has been a gift in many ways. To say my relationship with God has grown is an understatement. For the first time in my life, I know what it means to walk by faith, and I know what it means to have joy during trials and peace beyond understanding. I am “walking on water” with Jesus right now and if I keep my eyes on Him, I can’t sink.
My husband and I find support, encouragement, and truth at Living Hope. We participate in the Family and Friends support group and enjoy the large group Bible study taught each week. I love Living Hope because the focus is not on same-sex attraction, but on our relationship with God. We aren’t focusing on how to change our loved ones; instead, we allow God to change us. As we grow stronger in
universe and nothing is impossible for him (Matthew 19:26)! This world and my son’s behavior can’t be the evidence to prove whether God is working. I must walk by faith and focus on what God’s word says and believe that God is willing and able to do the impossible for everyone I love. Otherwise, I lose my peace, my joy, and my strength. I stop hearing from God. The noise of my circumstances drowns out God’s
WE AREN’T FOCUSING ON HOW TO CHANGE OUR LOVED ONES; INSTEAD, WE ALLOW GOD TO CHANGE US.
I’ve learned that rather than focusing on my son’s behavior, I must focus on the facts. The facts are that God is good all the time and that God is sovereign (Job 1-5). I have learned to trust Him because I believe that He is always good and in complete control. Isaiah 59:1 says, “Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear”. Our God is the God of the
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voice of reason and I start to panic and try to take control, ultimately hurting my relationships. Presently, we are trusting God. I don’t know when or how my son will come home to Jesus, but I know it will be. My thoughts aren’t on my son’s relationship with Jesus because that is between him and God. These days, my thoughts are on God’s sovereignty, power, and great love, which ultimately leads to worship and joy unthinkable. I am alert and focused on God’s movement in the lives of the people He brings to me, always ready to explain the reason for the hope that I have (1 Peter 3:15). Living Hope allows me to give and receive encouragement as well as support for the narrow road of life I have chosen (Matthew 7:13-14).
Not One of the Boys By Nick, 24 “Hello, my name is Nick; I am from upstate New York and I started playing the piano when I was five.” This was my usual introduction for many years, my go-to for whenever I met someone for the first time: it was my identity. For those who knew me well, I was a very energetic boy, wellliked by most of my peers, excited about music, nature, and curious about everything and anything. As my Father was a pastor, I grew up surrounded by messages of God’s love. From day one, I memorized verses, sang hymns, and was inundated with all things God. Because of this, I never doubted that my Mom and Dad loved me. I had no reason to doubt the love of God or anyone I knew. I have three brothers: one older, and two younger. We were all very rambunctious and never lacking in energy. Despite living in a house full of boys, my brothers and I were extremely different. All three of them were into baseball, basketball, football, and a few more sports. My Dad was also the football coach, basketball coach, and of course…my first baseball coach. I, on the other hand, never shared these interests. Starting at five, I played two years of baseball. I can’t tell you which is worse, playing baseball, or playing on the same team as a baseball superstar who’s your younger brother. Yes, we were on the same team and while everyone’s goal wass winning, my
only goal seemed to be how intricately I could build my sand pyramids… well, that and how many daisies I could count before the end of the inning. This was about the time I started noticing I was very different from my brothers and Dad. I tried to join in on their spontaneous wrestling matches and other games, but I just never enjoyed it much. I could never understand the allure of being roughly piled on by four other guys. Instead, I had my eye on something else. Ever since I could remember, I always loved singing hymns and watching the pianist play every Sunday morning. My parents seemed to pick up on this, and on my fifth birthday, they got me the most amazing present I could have hoped for: a tiny electric keyboard from Toys-R-Us. This was the start of one of God’s biggest blessings in my life.
while everyone’s goal was winning, my only goal seemed to be how intricately I could build my sand pyramids…well, that and how many daisies I could count before the end of the inning. 11 11
At that point, I started taking piano lessons. I finally felt like I had something of my own. Something my brothers couldn’t steal from me. I finally found an identity. From early on, I fell in love with music and never ceased to be curious about it. I would listen to Mozart on our yellow Sony Walkman, learn to play hymns by ear on my keyboard, and (soon after) play special music in church. This was a crucial time in the story God has woven for me. Being very close to my grandparents, I remember making a profession of faith at their church in Pennsylvania. My Grandma sat with me in a small Sunday School room and explained to me God’s love and how it was so great that he sent His only Son to die for my sins. I remember her holding my hands as I said I wanted to be saved. We prayed together, and I remember coming out with a big smile. My parents bought me a little blue Bible that day. Nothing seemed to dampen my spirits then. Though I didn’t realize at the time, my life would soon take an unexpected turn. In 2 Corinthians 11:14, Paul tells us that Satan “disguises himself as an angel of light.” This verse couldn’t have been truer as I think back on how he tried to destroy me with something that masqueraded as good. From early on, Satan attempted to
steal something from me that is very special to each child. He tried to steal my childhood through lies and deceit pushed on me through sexual abuse. As time went on, I kept feeling more and more distant from my brothers and Dad. I never felt like I belonged with anyone my own age. When I was around five, I met whom I considered my best friend. Brandon and I seemed to be inseparable. Where a painful disconnect from my brothers and Dad slowly formed, I had found a connection to Brandon. He liked nature, he was confident, strong, and
I never felt like I belonged with anyone my own age. I felt that he cared deeply for me. He listened to me and always wanted to be there for me. Since we were close in age, he started to suggest that I go to his house after the Sunday morning service and return for the evening services. Once we got approval from our mothers, I would be driven to his house where we would have so much fun. We explored the many acres of woods behind his house, shoot BB guns, watched Star Wars, and climbed trees. I finally felt like I was a normal boy. When our adventures led to boredom, he would suggest going to secluded places like the woods, the loft in their barn, or his room. From there, he would suggest things like kissing and touching each other in places I never thought of. I allowed him to do what he wanted to me while he assuredly told me, “It’s fine, my Dad says it’s okay!” Because I never was close with any boys my age, I often felt ostracized. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt in those moments when he pressured me to give him my body, but what I did know is that Brandon made it seem like it was something only close friends did. I felt wanted, cared for, and felt physical touch in a way that gave me a feeling of being loved.
What started as kissing, quickly led to body contact, mutual masturbation, and oral sex. At first, I always felt like I was doing something wrong and that we shouldn’t have been doing it, but his continuous reassurance that it would be “fine” slowly formed a sense of normalcy. At his demand, it often got to the point when we would eventually skip our usual outdoor explorations and head right to his room, or any secluded area we were near. I now know that this was not foreign to Brandon because his father was the one who plagued him with sexual abuse. While all this was happening, I became more and more shut off from boys my own age, along with my brothers and parents. I felt like I could not say no to Brandon; I felt like everything was out of my control. In the midst of it all, I felt as if there were only two constants: playing piano and my grandparents. During the school year, I would dive into playing piano more and more. I loved it more than anything, but it also acted as an idol in my life. It was a crutch from the secrets I kept from all of my family. It was the only thing I could control. During the summers, though, I spent much of my time with my Grandparents in Pennsylvania. My Grandfather, Pappy, was the only male figure I felt I could tell anything to and be heard. I am so thankful to be named after my grandfather, “Nick and Nick” we used to call each other. Ever since I can remember, I would follow him around like a puppy dog, meticulously watching his every move as he taught me how to woodwork in his workshop. During my summers alone with Pappy and Grandma,
Brandon made it seem like it was something only close friends did. I felt wanted, cared for, and felt physical touch in a way that gave me a feeling of being loved. 12 12
we would go on hikes, work in the workshop, and run errands most kids would find boring. I loved meeting his older friends, hearing his stories, falling asleep together watching golf, and above all, waking up early on Saturday mornings, jumping up on his chair, and watching cartoons in our underwear. “Nick and Nick” were inseparable. He knew almost everything about me, but what he didn’t know, what no one knew, was that there was something deeper to my life: a secret that I didn’t dare tell anyone. Through the years, as my secret grew darker and darker, my heart grew harder and harder. My connection to Brandon seemed to be out of my hands as he demanded we go further. During this time, I often doubted that God was there. I doubted that I even had a relationship with Him. How could a God so loving, allow this to happen to me? Things only became worse when I entered sixth grade. Pornography was the topic of all the boys. While I was too nervous to ask them what it was, it seemed to be something I should know about. Since all of my brothers were in practices and my parents were at work, as soon as I got home I went to the computer and simply typed the word that I couldn’t get out of my mind: “porn”. I found myself staring at images of things that latched onto my mind and eventually my heart. Since I’ve always been a smart kid, I quickly began to refine my searches to what I felt curious about and drawn to. The more I would type the word “gay”, the more it would be written in my mind and heart. Proverbs 23:7 writes, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Not only was I feeding myself this lie of Satan, I was also being bullied at school and being called “queer”, “gay”, and “faggot.” As junior high and early high school came to a close, I tried to push any feelings of being gay away while pushing God away at the same time. We went to church every Sunday, but I rarely opened my Bible. I will say that
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Journeying to the Heart of God By Greg, 25 My name is Gregory. I am a believer and I struggle with samesex attraction and pornography. I grew up in a Christian household with parents that were dedicated to their children knowing and following the Lord. I remember them being constantly involved in the church, my father a deacon and my mother an usher. I thank God for the example they set for me, the way that they prayed for me, and the endurance they exhibited when pushing through their own struggles. Although they were not perfect, I know they tried their hardest to present the gospel to me in the best way they knew how and I am grateful. My relationship with my Dad, however, was completely surface level. He was a hard worker and was very dedicated to providing for us. Even though he was not there physically with the family, he expressed his love for us a lot. It became increasingly difficult, though, for me to fully know my Dad the way that I wanted to. In addition to this lack of love from my Father, I also experienced the same type of struggle in relating to other guys. Even though I did have some male friends, I still felt like I couldn’t fit in with “the guys.” As a kid, I was never invited to anything. I always had to ask to go to places and activities. This made me feel like I was extra weight, that I was just there because my big brother was there and not because anyone really wanted to spend time with me. That feeling of always being left out—along with getting teased by my male peers— lead me to years of depression, self-hatred, and envy.
myself that “I AM A MAN” twenty times in the mirror. He would make me play basketball whenever we’d go to the park when I really wanted to play on the swings. At that time, I never understood why he did those things. Rather than making me feel like I belonged, they instead made me feel like I was unwanted and that I was doing something wrong. As this trend of broken relationships and lack of true intimacy continued, I turned to masturbation and pornography to medicate the pain I felt in my heart. I would even fantasize about being the opposite sex because I believed I fell so short of being a “man.” I knew what I was doing was a sin and an affront to God, yet I didn’t fully understand that what I was doing was fracturing my fellowship with the Lord and isolating me from others. I didn’t understand that I was worshiping the creation rather than the Creator. I didn’t have in my mind that I was literally opposing nature and going against God’s plan for godly intimacy with others, unconsciously agreeing with the distortion of marriage that Satan had planted in my heart. And I wasn’t aware of the full danger waiting for me at the end of this road. This cycle went on through high school and into my college years. Depression and thoughts of suicide would flood my mind. I hated myself. Even from this dark place, I still prayed to the Lord. I would always pray for people that loved God to love me deeply, to direct me to Christ. I prayed specifically for close brotherly relationships like Jonathan and David in the Bible. I dreamed about having a best friend. As my desires for change and growth in the Lord increased, I could see how He was slowly answering my prayers by surrounding me with godly men and women who wanted to chase after Him with their whole hearts. A collegiate ministry called the Navigators helped me to grow deeper in my understanding of the gospel and how to live it out in the world.
That feeling of always being left out— along with getting teased by my male peers—lead me to years of depression, self-hatred, and envy.
It was through a mentorship program set up by the Navigators that I finally confessed my struggles to a fellow believer. One day, as I was talking with my mentor, I confessed that I struggled with homosexuality and pornography. I immediately felt so much relief, as if a weight had been lifted off me because someone else knew about my struggle. He didn’t judge me or
Looking back, I think my Dad recognized my struggle with relating to other guys. In his imperfect attempt to fix the situation, he would always tell me to do things like saying to
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turn me away to remain in the shame that I lived in for so long. Instead, he continued to pray for me and pursue me. As my relationship with my mentor strengthened, he pointed me to someone who struggled with the same issues. When I met with this person, he told me about his experience with Living Hope Ministries. I was in awe when I heard his story because it was so similar to my own. All these years I thought I was the only one who struggled with this issue. When I got the contact information for Living Hope, I said a quick prayer and sent an email to the executive director, Ricky, that laid out all my struggles. Looking back now at that message, I can see how eager I was to get as far away from this struggle as I could. I knew that what I was doing did not honor the Lord. I was desperate and really wanted to follow God’s plan for my life.
could I possibly do to mend what was broken in my heart? I experienced a moment of divine truth similar to the disciples when they asked Jesus, “Who then can be saved?” I finally understood that salvation is an impossible work for man, but very possible work of the Lord. That’s when the Lord began to
Ricky helped me think deeply about my actions and acknowledge them as sin. show me how broken I was and that I had no other choice but to follow him in this journey to His heart. When I walked into my first LHM weekly meeting I was very nervous. My heart was beating out of control and my stomach wanted to vomit butterflies. Yet, I knew I needed to be there; I knew I needed help. As I went in, I was greeted by the kindest people in the world. Even though they knew about my struggle, I was still very reserved and closed off. After a powerful message from Ricky, the group separated into our small groups, an activity that required a level of vulnerability I was not sure if I was ready to give. When I entered that small group, all the walls that I had built up through years of guilt and shame were strong. But as everyone shared why they were there, I became intrigued by how they were open about their brokenness and I felt a faint relief. The Lord showed me that I wasn’t the only one who struggled with same-sex attraction. I wasn’t alone.
In his response, Ricky sent me a link to a talk he gave on the roots of same-sex attraction in men. The video was literally a mirror of my life. I was the gifted, sensitive boy that couldn’t communicate emotionally with his rough-and-tumble father and had a closer relationship with his mother. I was the boy who was emotionally scarred by other boys but could connect emotionally with girls. I was the boy who was deprived of affirmation, attention, and affection for years, and who created the synapses that produced a sucking funnel in his heart. After watching the video, I knew God was telling me that He would use Living Hope to bring about my closeness with Himself and restore my relationships with others. The intake interview was interesting and eye-opening. As I walked into Ricky’s office, I really didn’t know what to expect. I thought that he was going to ask me the usual questions like, “Do you know the gospel? How was it growing up? How was your family? How do you feel?” Through years of practice, I mastered the “right” responses to questions like this. But I now know that Ricky never asks surface level questions. No, in my intake he continued to go deeper into my struggle, asking me more prying questions. As a result, Ricky helped me think deeply about my actions and acknowledge them as sin.
Coming back week after week, I realized that Living Hope was not a quick fix or just a place to go and confess our mess. Instead, they actually asked intentional questions and gave godly advice for each person. This kept me coming to the meetings. The more I confessed, found accountability, and sought to understand the motivation of my actions, the more the Lord helped me to realize that sanctification takes a long time. I wanted Living Hope to be a quick cure, but that’s not how God works. Like the mission statement of Living Hope says, these meetings are for those “seeking sexual and relational wholeness through an intimate relationship with
After that meeting with Ricky, I came to this one conclusion: I needed help. I realized that I couldn’t fix myself. What
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Jesus Christ.” This phrase has stuck with me throughout my journey from homosexuality and in my spiritual journey as well. It’s all about Christ. We cannot and will not change without being in an intimate relationship with Him. And any intimate relationship takes lots of time and effort.
though, the Lord did not change His love toward me. There have been days when I have felt like “struggling” is pointless, that change may be possible for others but not for Gregory. But God is so merciful and he never fails. Every time that I thought about walking away, I would always end up at Living Hope. There always seemed to be a song with the right lyrics that encourage me and reminded me of the Lord’s love and faithfulness. There would always be the right words in Ricky’s sermon to strengthen my faith in the Lord, or convict me in my heart, or warn me in my rebellion. There would always be a person who would say the simplest things—whether it was an encouragement or a rebuke—that would mean so much to me at that moment, getting my gaze off of the huge mountains of sin I created and back on the cross.
I wanted Living Hope to be a quick cure, but that’s not how God works. Four years have passed since I first came to Living Hope. During that time, God has continued to answer my prayers for supportive community and close brothers to walk with. While the Lord has shown me so much about myself, He has also allowed me to see that my Father is just as broken as I am. Since his own Father was not invested in his life, he was scarred in a way that ended up impacting me. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned at Living Hope, in fact, is how to give grace to my Father even when it is hard. I’ve learned how to forgive him for the imperfect ways that he tried to fix me and accept him for who he is. I’ve learned not to put the expectation of “the perfect Dad” on him and to be grateful for what God has given me through my Father. God has also allowed me to see my brothers at Living Hope grow as well. It is so encouraging to see how the guys that I started group with are still faithful to Jesus. To see how the gospel changes people is truly an amazing thing. I have literally seen boys grow into men, older men pour out their lives just to show the love of Christ, and an endurance that can only come from God. I have laughed and cried with these guys and I am so privileged to know them and walk with them in this journey Despite all the ways that God has shown His faithfulness, the struggle with pornography has still been a hard thing to overcome. There have been seasons where my walk with the Lord was so close that the thought of looking at pornography was not even on my mind. Then there have been seasons where I wasn’t seeking the Lord and falling to the struggle seemed almost sure in every temptation. Through all of my failures,
I daily have to reject the idea that God will abandon me. My shame tells me that He wants nothing to do with me. But that’s not true. The Lord wants me to continue to come to Him in my weakness and rely on Him to be the strength that I need. One verse in particular that I cling to is Psalms 73:21-23 NLT: “Then I realized that my heart was bitter and I was all torn up inside. I was foolish and ignorant—I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet, I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.” I am a hot mess, but God is always faithful despite our inability to be consistently faithful to Him. I AM free in Christ! Even in the moments when I don’t feel that freedom, it’s the truth. I want to embrace this truth and walk in the freedom that the truth brings. We have to make the choice to realign ourselves every day to His heart and His ways. For those of us who struggle with homosexuality, we don’t have to live what we feel. Instead of clinging to our feelings, we must embrace His truth. I won’t let go of Christ and His love for me. He is faithful. I’m a witness and I pray that you will experience the same faithfulness in your life.
I want to embrace this truth and walk in the freedom that the truth brings.
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Tears of Joy & A New Husband for My Wife By Daniel, 54 I'm Daniel, a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, and I've struggled with masturbation, pornography, and same-sex attraction (SSA). I became a believer as a young child. I grew up in a safe, Christian home as the youngest of three. My parents were both humble Christians who loved us and lived out their faith, yet I was an extremely insecure and sensitive child. My father was a quiet and gentle man. He affirmed me and I knew he loved me. However, physical affection did not come until much later in our lives. As I entered the fifth grade, my school district’s boundaries changed and my only two male friends were sent to another school. I suffered great insecurities that year. For no reason, I would start crying during lunch. My mind would churn and worry over nothing. Not knowing what to do, the school allowed me to go home for lunch with my Mother for the rest of elementary. Over those years, we deepened our already strong bond. It was during this time that God became real in my life. I had already placed my trust in Jesus as my Savior and Lord, but in this traumatic time of my life He became my best and only friend. I spent a lot of time alone with Him and was happy. I read and re-read my Bible, starting with the comic book version and transitioning to the “real” thing. God's word is alive and true. Each day of my life God has proved faithful to all of His word. In seventh grade, I was called “gay” for the first time. I had no clue what it meant. This was way before I had any
sexual interest and no exposure to what this meant. When I found out it meant homosexual, I knew the Bible said that homosexuality was wrong. Therefore, as a follower of Christ, I was not gay. I was confident in my identity in Christ. One day my father gave my brother and I a booklet on sex. It was for young boys and appropriate. He said to read it and that if we had any questions, we could ask him. I had no interest at the time and didn't have any questions. Years later when I finally had interest, I was too shy to ask and had no male friends, actually no friends, to whom I could turn for information. Instead, I learned about physical sex from a book I found on a shelf babysitting at a pastor’s house while the children were asleep. This is how I learned about masturbation and I became addicted. During this same time in my life, I would look to the popular, good looking guys at school, wanting to be like them. I was chubby, overweight… oh, let’s just say it, fat. I wanted to be handsome, to look and be like those popular boys. When I would masturbate, I would imagine what it would be like to be them. I would imagine myself being that handsome, that attractive to others. I felt that this was a safe thing to do. After all, I had been taught that I shouldn’t awaken the flame to have sex with girls prior to marriage. I knew from reading my Bible that lusting after a girl was the same as adultery (Matt 5:28). I searched my Bible and did not find an explicit prohibition to masturbation. So, I continued on with my masturbation.
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I would imagine what it would be like to be them. I would imagine myself being that handsome, that attractive to others. I looked for images of good looking men in everyday publications found in my Christian home, like the JC Penny catalog. I knew that pornography was sinful, but this wasn’t pornography. How could pictures in a JC Penny catalog be bad? The catalogues were available to everyone. I just wanted to look good, to be handsome like them. Little did I know what an impact this would have on my life. I did not realize that the chemical reactions taking place in my brain each time I would masturbate would cause me to imprint with what I viewed, affecting the rest of my life. As I moved through high school and into adulthood, I found myself increasingly attracted to men. I at first thought that this SSA was potentially the gift of singleness, yet I burned to be sexually connected to another. I knew that the Bible said that the only appropriate sexual expression was within the bounds of marriage, so I
began to ask God for a wife. I knew that the addictive nature of my masturbation was a problem and my SSA was also an obstacle to finding a wife. Yet, I trusted that He would say no if I asked amiss. God indeed answered my prayer, giving me a woman especially made for me and I for her. Our dating was not based on sexual attraction for either of us. Instead, our relationship was based on common interests. We became best friends. I hinted of my SSA in the best way I understood it and she accepted me anyway. She loved me and we married as best friends. On our honeymoon, I had something to prove to myself—that even though I had no sexual attraction to women at that time, I was not gay. Because of my self-centered motives, our sex life did not get off to a good start. Over our marriage, I've had a great sex life at times with her, yet she seldom felt a loving connection with me. One of the reasons for this emotional disconnect was that I never fully dealt with my compulsive masturbation. In many ways, my sexuality was still about me and my desires. I would have some seasons of success with purity, but I continued to struggle with no real answers.
trusted Him to bring me through this desert. I hoped that I would not die in this state, yet I feared that I would fall farther away from Him. In addition to escaping into online gaming, masturbation and pornography continued to haunt me. Slowly, God began to draw me back to himself. In the fall of 2015, I was ready for healing. I prayed for God to take away my desire for on-line gaming and that He would take first place in my life once more. I was also ready to be intimate with my wife again. I sought medical help for my physical problems with erectile dysfunction (ED), as well as marriage counseling about the relational problems that contributed to the ED. I also knew that the masturbation and SSA were a big part of the problem, but didn't know where to start to get help.
After years of marriage and two kids, my resolve in living the Christian life and commitment to pursue holiness and purity started to crumble. I spent years trying to follow the rules, to do all the right things that God wanted. Yet, I still could not connect with my wife in the way that she desired, nor were my children following God. What did my faith mean if I could not pass it on to my children? I did not know it at the time, but what my children saw in me was rules and rituals, not my friendship with God. I stopped praying and started living for myself. I stopped asking God to bless my children and I stopped blessing them. Instead, I started playing an online game. Harmless enough on its own, but it became a false God to me, an escape from my life. During this time when I had no desire to follow God, I still talked with Him and
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Then, in the spring of 2016, the men's ministry at my church had Ricky Chelette from Living Hope Ministries teach on Gender Development in Males. It changed my life. That night, I heard the truth. Not just that homosexuality is wrong, but that my need for male affirmation, attention and, affection are a legitimate part of God's plan for all men. I drove home from that meeting with tears of joy and relief. Most of what we hear in the church is that homosexuality is not God's plan. I believe that, but I was still left with longings and feelings that I only knew how to handle by suppression or denial. I could now put into words what I've struggled alone with all these years, unwanted same-
I could now put into words what I've struggled alone with all these years, unwanted same-sex attraction. sex attraction. I knew I was not gay, but was too ashamed to try and explain to anyone my struggle. Living Hope has reinforced the truth I've always known. I first connected with LHM on their on-line forums and soon after joined their in-house meetings. I held firm all these years that I was not “gay,” but it is hard to not be discouraged by all the lies. I have no friends that struggle or understand SSA and I needed support. I have found it on the LHM forums and at the LHM in house group meetings. I finally have men who understand and know how to encourage and challenge me. I am no longer alone. I have found the help and support that I desperately needed. One of the things I love most about the LHM group meeting is the laughter. I've never been able to laugh at myself
I finally have men who understand and know how to encourage and challenge me.
and would cringe to think someone would laugh at me (unless I intended it). I can say stuff and unintended laughter erupts and it brings me joy. Joy that there is humor in the situation that I did not see. Joy that I can be free to be open and speak and not be selfconscious and worry what others will think. I know they love me and are not laughing at me. Through LHM, I got a referral to a Christian counselor in my area who understands same-sex attraction and he has helped me greatly. I have been able to ask the basic sex talk questions I never could with my Father. The internet lies, but until now it was all I had. Through our many conversations, I have realized how much of a problem I have had with pornography. Before my time at LHM, I used the world’s definition of pornography, concluding that those JC Penny catalogues from my childhood or the non-explicit YouTube videos I looked at as an adult were not pornography. However, the truth is that pornography is any visual material that a person uses to provide sexual stimulation, whether or not it was created for that purpose. The world’s definition of what is acceptable is worlds apart from God’s standard. Over this last year, God has worked mightily in my life and changed me. I've been porn and masturbation free for over a year. My wife has a new husband. The truth about God's plan for a man and a woman have been confirmed for me in our marriage. What I feel physically with her is just…right, for lack of a better word. It is truth. The counterfeit of homosexuality cannot compare. The shame that has kept me from being open and intimate with her is gone. The unacknowledged problem that has been a wall between us has been brought down. I am now able to face and feel the feelings that God intended—conflict, anger, hurt, disappointment, pain— without running to masturbation to medicate them. As a result, I can now finally enjoy the good feelings of love and acceptance. I still struggle at times. But now,
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instead of failure, guilt, and shame, there is instead an actual struggle and victory, though it doesn't always feel like it. There again, the men at LHM speak the truth that struggle and temptation are not sin. I fear that as soon as this is sent to press, I will fall and be a hypocrite. But, the truth is the struggle is what makes the testimony worth printing. This is the testimony of God's greatness, not my ability to not sin. It is about His ability to forgive and heal.
My wife has a new husband. The truth about God's plan for a man and a woman have been confirmed for me in our marriage. What I feel physically with her is just…right
EMBRACING GOD’S TRUTH; By Gerson, 19
Finding My True Identity
My name is Gerson. I’m a follower of Jesus Christ from Lima, Peru. And I struggle with same-sex attraction (SSA).
to being a son of God. Trying to fully comprehend this truth is seemingly impossible. In the light of this divine mystery, though, I rejoice in the fact that I don’t have to worry about my sins anymore because Jesus paid for them all! Jesus has taken away my sin, my shame, and my guilt so that I can live a life that pleases Him!
Living Hope has helped me embrace God’s truth for my life. I still remember the sad day when I admitted I really was attracted to men. It dawned on me that I was “a homosexual.” Shortly afterward, I fell into a scary phase of depression. I felt the weight of my shame crushing me and that shame convinced me that neither God nor my parents really loved me. I saw myself as a filthy leper, unworthy of love. And although I knew I was saved, I continued feeling worthless and unforgivable. Many nights I cried myself to sleep. I felt so ashamed and hurt so much that I seriously considered suicide for a time. I didn’t want to live anymore, not like that at least.
Often, I struggle with physically comparing myself to other men. Idolizing perfect bodies becomes almost inevitable when you live in a culture that’s obsessed with images. Many times, I’ve felt “less” than other men because I’m not tall or muscular. Desiring what they have quickly turns into envying and lusting after them. However, I’ve been learning to accept myself the way God made me. When I feel insecure about my appearance or when I desire what other men have physically, I’m reminded that I am wonderfully made by God. To think that God created me Himself soothes my troubled and envious heart. God has created each human for his own glory, not for us to idolize them. When we look to others in this sinful way, we worship the creation rather than the creator (Rom 1:25). Rather than worshiping others, we must see His image in each of them and glorify Him.
I FELT SO ASHAMED AND HURT SO MUCH THAT I SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED SUICIDE FOR A TIME. But then I found Living Hope. I didn’t know what it was when I first glanced at the website; however, once I began to scroll through the pages, I knew in my heart that I had stumbled on a treasure of inestimable worth. While I rediscovered Christian love and compassion in those pages, I most importantly rediscovered Jesus. I also found community, something that I desperately lacked. I was delighted to discover that on Living Hope’s online forums, men and women who also struggled with SSA wrote freely about their daily challenges and temptations. There was no shame, no condemnation, just love, and truth.
Denying ourselves and following Christ is not only countercultural, but it is also counter-intuitive. This is a hard journey. I’ll be honest, there are still hard days where I wish I could live a gay life, to indulge in my heart’s desires with the objective of gaining complete happiness. Yet, I know that if I do, there will be devastating consequences. Instead of caving to these temptations, I cling to the truth that I will not find the peace and assurance that I’m experiencing now by indulging in my desires and embracing whatever my heart wishes for. I’m a Christian, and I embrace the identity Christ has given me. It doesn’t matter how I feel. Nothing else matters. I’m a child of God, and nobody can change that. This is my identity.
DENYING OURSELVES AND FOLLOWING CHRIST IS NOT ONLY COUNTER-CULTURAL, BUT IT IS ALSO COUNTER-INTUITIVE.
WHILE I REDISCOVERED CHRISTIAN LOVE AND COMPASSION IN THOSE PAGES, I MOST IMPORTANTLY REDISCOVERED JESUS.
Learning more about Christ’s truth and how it applies to my life continues to be a slow, yet steady process. Before getting involved with Living Hope, I loosely identified as gay in the privacy of my mind and heart. And two years ago, I came close to fully embracing a gay identity. Thankfully nothing happened, but even after that, I continued thinking I was gay, especially when life got stressful or rough. One day, though, something clicked in my mind. Through Living Hope, I realized that because of Christ, my identity is not linked to my sexual attractions. My sin is not my identity. My temptation is not my identity. Instead, I now grapple with the mystery of the sublime transformation I have undergone. I have gone from being an enemy of God
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Amazing Love
By Stephen, 25
And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviors blood?! Amazing love! How can it be? That Thou my God shouldst die for me. I secretly wish that these lines would be the first words sung at every Christian gathering. I want to look around the room at my brothers and sisters in Christ and say something along the lines of, “Are you kidding me?! Jesus died for you and me?!” Because God poured his righteous wrath out on His Son for my sake, I can walk boldly into the throne room of my Creator. You can try to explain the mercy of God through Christ all day long, yet it still blows my mind. This way of thinking is relatively new for me. Somewhere in the past four years, my perspective has shifted from, “Jesus died for my sins” to “JESUS DIED FOR MY SINS?!” God went from a conversation topic I was confident discussing, to a being I could not begin to explain. Much of this change has happened in my life because of the Holy Spirit’s work through Living Hope Ministries. I came to Living Hope in August of 2013 in an attempt to make sense of my unwanted same-sex attraction (SSA). In addition to learning valuable information about the nature of my struggle with SSA, I was introduced to an even greater joy: the unconditional love of my Savior. Before 2013, my life was pretty typical for a Christian kid: lots of siblings, prayers at dinner, and church at least two times a week. I loved my Mom and Dad. I didn’t like school. I killed in baseball. I slayed in AWANA. I was super attracted to guys. Life was pretty normal. My attraction to men started as early as I can remember. As a boy, I regularly daydreamed about men who would affirm me and love me. In my struggle to find worth, I turned to men to speak value into me. Sports and school were arenas in which I could prove my worth to men. MVP
awards were common in those days and the applause of coaches was music to my ears. The praise of men was my fuel for living. Men held the truth— at least in my mind they did—and if I could perform well, they would speak that truth over me and I would be seen as worthy. But baseball games and good grades were soon not enough. I was not receiving the attention for which I longed. A pat on the back and a “good job” were simple encouragements, but I wanted more. By this point, my feelings for men were sexualized and I wanted men to know me in a deeper way. I wanted someone who would come close to me and see my flaws and yet remain. I wanted a savior. Despite my religious upbringing, Jesus was not the savior I ran to in those days. I knew that Christ did not want me to continue down the path of lust and fantasy, but He was not satisfying my feelings like I wanted Him to. At times, Christ felt distant and at other times He felt close. I could not count on Him. I needed someone who would not fail me. In the end, my desire for affirmation from men triumphed over my love for Jesus and I looked for a savior in other areas. As a result, I began my long-lasting struggle with the gripping sin of pornography during my high school years. Here were saviors who would affirm me when and how I wanted. When Jesus and the men in my life failed to value me, I found solace in the encouraging men on the computer screen. In my fantasies, these men saw the ugly pieces of my life and came intimately close to help me put the puzzle together. But these digital men could not fix my brokenness and I spent many nights begging God for forgiveness for my sin. For years, I was
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caught in this cycle. My mind knew the promises of Christ, but my carnal feelings were in control. I understood the words of Paul in Romans 7, “Who will deliver me from this body of death?” In 2013, I discovered the answer to Paul’s and my question. I was well into my college career and living at home when one glorious afternoon my Dad approached me regarding some internet history that alarmed him. I was greatly embarrassed and at the same time incredibly relieved when I confessed my struggle with homosexuality. This sin that had been weighing on my heart for years was finally discovered. I was in the light. The Holy Spirit was pursuing me and was starting the process of healing. My parents had no idea what to do and I was just as clueless as they were. Praise God for ministries like Living Hope that help discouraged people find hope in Christ. I did not know it at the time, but God was about to do mighty things in my life during my time at Living Hope. Soon after my conversation with my Dad, I somewhat reluctantly set up a meeting with Ricky. I was not enthusiastic about this meeting because deep down I still cherished my sin. The conversation with Ricky was straightforward and his whiteboard talk was very informative. I related well with his explanation of the origin of homosexuality and I respected his desire for himself and others to turn away from this sin. I agreed to start attending weekly Living Hope meetings. However, my heart was not humble and I was not really looking for healing when I decided to attend those meetings. Walking out of Ricky’s office, I decided that I wasn’t about to confess this sin in front of
strangers because, in my mind, confession was an expression of weakness. And I was determined not to be seen as weak. Having lived my life fueled by affirmation from coaches and teachers, it did not make sense to devalue myself by admitting weaknesses. I resolved to attend Living Hope meetings as the cool and confident guy who had it all together. But I slowly came to understand that this approach was useless. After my first LHM meeting, I realized that this was going to be unlike anything I had ever experienced. Ricky mentioned topics that I had never heard addressed by a speaker. The guys in my discussion group openly confessed to sin in which they had become addicted. The small group leaders asked pointed questions that caused me to tense up. This openness and honesty were foreign to a guy who grew up constantly trying to hide weaknesses to prove his worth. Driving home from that first meeting, I realized that the people at Living Hope were not there to prove themselves to others, nor to find their identity in their reputation. No, they were there for answers.
I realized that the people at Living Hope were not there to prove themselves to others, nor to find their identity in their reputation. No, they were there for answers. One of the things that took me most off guard about those first Living Hope meetings—though having grown up in the church it should not have—was that Ricky kept repeating that the answer to homosexual sin (or any sin for that matter) was Jesus Christ. Every week I was reminded that the answer to our brokenness is found in our Savior who cares for the brokenhearted and binds up their scars, that the call of Christ is, “Come all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Intellectually, I understood this call, but I was not
willing to acknowledge the extent of my brokenness. Even though I was resistant in so many ways, the guys at Living Hope continued to model the act of humbly submitting one’s self to Christ. And, by the power of the Spirit, it started to sink in. After the first few months, my cool and confident facade started to wear thin. One night, the Spirit completely broke down my pride. That evening Ricky had given a simple talk on God’s love and Christ’s sacrifice. As a faithful church-goer, this message was not new to me. What greatly impacted me, though, was what happened during the discussion after the message. Ricky stepped into our small group of guys and simply said, “God loves you.” Three simple words. But by the Spirit’s power, something clicked in my mind and suddenly worth and identity were within my reach. However, this worth felt completely different from my past experiences. This worth was not from a man and this identity was not wrapped up in my performance. Rather than finding affirmation in the men on my computer screen or from the cheers from the stands, this value was from my Creator, the God of the universe. God cut right through my fake righteousness and saw the hurting boy desperate for approval. He knew that my craving for worth and identity could not be found in men, but only in his Son. The Spirit opened my eyes to a Savior who was speaking true worth over me. This new value and identity were bought for me on the cross and it can never be taken away. My brothers at Living Hope had been modeling this identity in Christ from my first day with the group. Instead of thinking that confession makes them weak, they admitted to sin, knowing that Christ makes them righteous. Rather than hiding their failures and shortcomings, they disclosed defeat because they understood that victory was won by Jesus over two-thousand years ago. Instead of manufacturing worth through accomplishments, they confessed their worthlessness so that Christ’s worth could be seen. Because of the example set by these
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men, I realized that I could live confidently as a humble recipient of God’s grace.
Instead of manufacturing worth through accomplishments, they confessed their worthlessness so that Christ’s worth could be seen. Today, it is a privilege for me to walk alongside my brothers and sisters in Christ at Living Hope. Here I see repentant children of God who are throwing off their old selves to walk in new life with Christ. I have seen confident brothers drop their walls and admit to the unbearable pressures of sin. And I have seen the love of Christ shine in ways that are almost too glorious to describe. This is the truth that has been redefining my life for the past four years: that the God of the Bible is the greatest joy in life. The good news of His grace is filled with eternal hope; His love is never-ending; His law is perfect and more desirable than riches or comfort. I have tasted and seen that He is good and I cannot be satisfied with anything else. And now my words echo the words that Peter spoke to Jesus in John 6:68, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Amazing love, how can it be? He gives worth to the worthless? He clothes us in righteousness? He exalts the humble? He pursues the proud? He lavishes grace upon sinners? He runs to meet the prodigal? Only through amazing love!
This is the truth that has been re-defining my life for the past four years: that the God of the Bible is the greatest joy in life.
A YEAR IN REVIEW A LOOK BACK AT THE WORK OF LIVING HOPE MINISTRY’S STAFF FROM JULY 2016 TO JULY 2017
IN PERSON
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189 INTAKES
O V E PHONE CALLS & R 3500 EMAILS
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IN COMMUNITY
MOBILE APP
ONLINE FORUMS
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DOWNLOADS
MEDIA PLAYS
LAUNCHES
IMPRESSIONS
DO YOU SEE ME? Advice for fathers trying to reach their sensitive sons. By Ricky Chelette, Executive Director I had known John for several months. He was a conscientious young man with a quick wit and sensitive heart. He loved his family, loved God, loved people, but struggled fiercely with an addiction to gay porn. He had not acted on his attractions, at least not yet, but the desire to be fully known, loved, and respected by a man was eroding his strong conviction to remain a virgin. As we talked about his life, his struggles, and his hope to one day be a husband and dad, I asked him if he wanted to be similar or different than his own Father. No sooner had the words left my lips than the answer was on his tongue. Without hesitation, he said, “I would be different. I would make sure my son knew that I saw him.” The answer didn’t surprise me. The first time I heard that answer I didn’t quite know what it meant, but after years of hearing gifted, talented, and sensitive young men say the very same words, I had a good idea what John was trying to communicate. But to be sure, I asked him, “What do you mean by that statement? How could you not see your son?” “Oh,” he said, “It’s not that I wouldn’t
physically see my son. My Dad visually saw me; it was only recently that I moved out of his house. But he never really saw me, the real me. He never looked past my physical presence and saw me as a person.” To be known – it seems to be one of the greatest needs in the human heart and it is especially important to highly sensitive men. Because sensitive men comprise such a small segment of the male population—something less than 7% of all males are sensitive versus the 93%+ who are rough and tumble—they often don’t find large numbers of other men with whom they can relate. They generally have few, if any, male friends and often a very small group of friends in general. As a result, they need their father to truly understand them, affirm them, give attention to them and their interests, and show them genuine affection. They long for someone to enter their world, see their world, and validate their feelings and passions. They long for someone to acknowledge how they feel, what they love, and what drives them, to demonstrate that they are important to both them and God. John, and thousands of other men I have talked with over the years, deeply felt the absence of this paternal connection. As a result, they found “imaginary” ways to fill that void with
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controllable, predictable fantasies that were more dependable than the people who surrounded them who often failed to meet their unstated expectations. John wanted his Dad to truly know him. After years of disappointment and unmet expectations, however, John shut down any possibilities of establishing this connection with his own Father. I tried to encourage John to give his Dad another chance. Now that he was a man and not a boy, he could talk with his Dad as a man, express what he needed, and hopefully set out a plan that would move their strained and somewhat distant relationship to the kind of intimate connection that could bring great delight to both he and his Father. John was skeptical, but I was hopeful. Many dads call our office to find out how to connect to their now-grown sons. They want a plan, a step by step approach to winning the heart of their adult child. While no relationship can be reduced to a simple checklist, I applaud these father’s desire to deepen their relationship with their son and am always eager to help point them in the direction of reconciliation. Many dads are fearful that it might be too late. However, I assure them that, with
God, it is NEVER too late. God has a way of bringing healing, renewing the mind, and mending the heart at any age. He is a healer. He brings things that are dead to life! He is faithful, even when we are not. But what do dads need to do to connect with their adult child? Here’s a simple list for dads. It is not exhaustive, but hopefully, it will spur your own creativity, imagination, and interest to put your own unique spin on these simple, yet powerful relational tools. I pray they will help you capture the heart of your son.
1. Ask your son for an honest assessment of your relationship. Simply ask him, “How’s our relationship as father and son? How did you feel towards me growing up? Did you/do you feel intimately connected to me? Am I a person you would go to if you had a really big problem to solve, a sin to confess, or a joy to share?” If the answer is “no” then ask, “Why wouldn’t you come to me?” Be ready for whatever answer you might hear. Also, keep in mind that this is your son’s perception of his reality; it does not mean that you actually did something wrong or intentional. In fact, in most cases, you did nothing malicious. But hear his heart. Ask questions. Ask for clarification. Ask how did the things he
described make him feel as a boy and now as a young man? Listen and don’t defend.
2. Apologize for the perceived hurt, disconnect, misunderstandings, or misperceptions that might have taken place. If there were something that you know you actually did or something that you know he could have indeed interpreted in a hurtful way, then apologize for those things specifically and ask for his forgiveness. Again, this may be as simple as you not being around because your work took you out of town. It could be some time he recalls that he wanted to talk with you or tried to tell you something and you simply didn’t understand the urgency of his request in that moment. Help him know that was not your heart and apologize for the pain that you now know it caused him.
3. Ask your son, “What would it look like for you and me to work on repairing our relationship?” And then take careful note of what he says and what he is not saying. Listen. Then set out a plan to make some of the things he has suggested actually
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happen. If you have no idea how his suggestions would work out, ask him for specific ways/examples of how he would like to accomplish these suggestions. Let him know you are open to anything and then be willing to do whatever “anything” is when he suggests it. It will likely take both of you outside your comfort zones, but it can be a wonderful experience of mutual sharing, learning, and loving.
4. Enter his world and his passions. How excited do you feel when you find out your new co-worker is a huge fan of your favorite sports team? How do you feel when you discover the new small group leader at your church is in the same business field as you? How do you feel when someone seeks you out for advice or expresses interest in the things you are most passionate about? Typically, you feel valued, affirmed, respected, honored, known, and probably a little excited. Your son will feel the same way if you invest yourself in the things he is passionate about. This will likely be a bit of a challenge and even a stretch for you, but don’t think about it in terms of “I really hate this, but I’ll do it for you.” He will pick up on that sentiment in a heartbeat and you will be wasting your time and his. In fact, you will further hurt him. Instead, look at it as a great adventure. Ask your son for help. Allow your son to be your guide. Seek out his advice,
explanation, and instruction. Let him be your teacher, schooling you in the whys, hows, and how comes of whatever it is he likes. And even if it is something far outside your area of comfort, face it as a challenge and education in broadening your horizons, interest, and knowledge. Who knows, you may even discover a new hobby or interest! Also, as you invest in the things that your son is passionate about, you will discover he will become interested in some of the things you enjoy as well. While this may surprise you, it stems from his desire to continue building a relationship with you. But you will have to go the first mile or two. He has to see you are sincere, not easily swayed, and truly determined to make the connection. Remember he has more than likely experienced a lifetime of perceived disappointment and isolation. His perceptions will take time, determination, and perseverance to overcome. Don’t give up. Be persistent. And that brings me to my final suggestion.
5. Don’t give up pursuing your son—persevere! God gave you your son intentionally. He is not an accident, a misfit, or a misplaced child. He is YOUR son, created in the image of God and placed purposefully in your family. Your blood and DNA flow through his veins. You have the ability to be
the very best father he could ever have or God would not have placed him in your care. As a result, you have what it takes to make the relationship great. This will take time, so make an appointment with him once a week to visit, talk, share, pray for each other, play, and catch up on what is taking place in each other’s lives and hearts. If you are local to your son, meet with him in person and agree to turn off the phones when you get together. Eat dinner together and talk. Look each other in the eyes and be vulnerable and transparent. Tell him about your life, your frustrations now and when you were his age, your victories and yes, even your massive failures and disappointments. Give him the stories of your life that allow him to put the why behind what he experienced growing up. (A little context can do a lot of healing by way of explaining why something happened the way it did.) Tell him about what you see in him, what you admire about him, why you are so proud to have him as your son and keep telling him. Repetition is the mother of all teaching methodologies. Your son has believed a lot of lies about himself for a lot of years. It will take lots of repetition of truth from you to replace those lies he believed. Don’t be afraid of awkward silence and times of just being present. There is something powerful about simply being with someone who loves you and believes in you. Put your arm around him. Put your hand on his shoulder when you talk to him. Hug him. Embrace him. Hold him if he cries. Cry with him
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if you are so moved. And dare I even suggest that you kiss him before you leave or when you arrive, or both (on the cheek or the forehead). If you can’t be physically present with your son, then call or Skype, but make the appointment and keep it. Make it a priority and don’t relent. Use technology to your advantage. Text him random things during the week that remind you of him – things you read, things that touched you and why, things you see that make you think of him (send a picture with a text as to why you sent the pic), random things that let him know you have him on your mind and in your heart. Sometimes just a simple, “Praying for you, son. I’m so proud to be your Dad,” can mean the world to him. Don’t mix messages when you text. Keep it simple, straightforward, and affirming. For instance, “I know you don’t like football, but thought of you when I saw this,” only reminds him that you and he like different things and you are assuming he still hates football. This only reinforces his belief that you and he have nothing in common. Be creative with these five broad areas of connection and reconciliation with your son. Help your son know that you not only see him physically, but you see him for who God has created him to be. You see a man of God and you are proud of him. Let him know you are in this battle for freedom, masculinity, integrity, and faith with him and you are determined to see both of you succeed for God’s glory.
THE
IT HAPPENED
By Brian, 43 It was the second time I had met with my newly formed small group that it happened. The moment that I had feared, thought about, and even planned for. The moment I had run over and over in my head many times, each time crafting a response better than the previous one. The moment when I would have to decide to expose my life, or to continue to keep certain parts of it hidden. The moment I would either continue to hold on to lies, or I would embrace truth. The format for our small group was to review the sermon for the week, answer questions, and discuss how the topic impacted our lives. During this particular week, instead of being a traditional church service, there was a question and answer session where congregants would text questions to a three-person panel that would then answer the questions live. I had been to the early service while everyone else in the group had been to the later service, so I started by sharing the questions that had been asked and the panel’s responses. The questions that had been fielded in my service were those that all of us believers ask. Why does God allow bad things to happen? How do you balance science and the Bible? Can a Christian lose salvation? The group had a good discussion with
references to scripture, the panel’s answers, and our own thoughts. During our sharing, we discovered that the questions in each service were different, so we eventually moved on to the questions that were asked in the second service.
I was afraid if I was exposed, then I would be an immediate outcast. It didn’t take long for someone to ask, “What did everyone think about the question on homosexuality?” In a split second, I was filled with a flood of emotions. I was scared the group somehow already “knew” about me. Why else was that the first question they wanted to discuss? I was afraid if I was exposed, then I would be an immediate outcast. After all, why would they want to keep someone like me? I was angry. Why can’t I escape this area of my life I so desperately want to separate myself from? And, most importantly, I was curious. What DID they think about homosexuality? I sat stone-faced with the concentration of someone trying to pass a polygraph, trying to keep my heart rate down and trying to keep my face from being flush. “Play it cool; say nothing; you weren’t
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in that service, so you’re safe,” I told myself. I listened as the group began sharing their thoughts. The first one was a divorced dad who didn’t understand what the big deal was about two people loving each other. “Some of my favorite clients are gay,” he said. It “wasn’t his business” what other people did. The next was a husband and dad whose brother is in a same-sex relationship and the struggle he and his wife were having to maintain a relationship with him while not exposing their children to the lifestyle. These varying opinions led to a little bit of a tug-of-war about what the scripture said about love, marriage, and sin. And then, it happened. Although I had tried to make myself completely invisible, one of the group leaders looked at me and asked, “You’ve been really quiet. What are your thoughts on homosexuality?” I can’t remember a time I have ever been so completely blindsided. Sure, I had thought about how I would roll this out to the group, but it wasn’t supposed to be on week two! Sure, I had a thought or two on the subject, but I didn’t want to get caught in the middle of an argument with people I was trying to get to know! Sure, I was quiet because for many years and hundreds of interactions with people in the Church I had never been asked that direct question.
And then in a split second, it happened. Without even thinking, my mouth started moving and the words started flowing. Me, the guy that was always in control of my image, was freely and openly and shamelessly sharing my struggle with same-sex attraction (SSA). Me, the guy that had always kept people in my life compartmentalized for fear of being exposed, was breaking down the walls and being open. Me, the guy that only presented perfection to other’s in hopes of being liked, was sharing details of an imperfect life. Me, the guy that stood for what everyone else stood for in order to fit in, was taking a stand and embracing truth. I really don’t remember everything that I said, but I know that night was a turning point in my life. First, I felt a huge sense of relief. I didn’t realize how much freedom came with being
I falsely believed that I was so lost, so broken, and had so much baggage that I was unworthy of ever being loved, especially by God. honest, open, and genuine, and how taxing being secretive about some aspects of my life had been. Second, standing up as a warrior for God was indescribable. In a world that has been so successful in framing SSA as normal, and something “beautiful” that should be “celebrated,” it was fantastic to stand on solid ground and to be unapologetic about the Word, to be unwavering in standing up for truth. Third, I was overwhelmed by God’s goodness and His love. He didn’t set me up that night to succeed or fail, but He provided an opportunity for me to trust Him and reminded me that when I put my full trust in Him, He never fails. I would never have imagined eighteen months ago that me, the broken, secretive, controlling guy, would be boldly standing up for the truth, but that’s one way Living Hope has impacted my life. For
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years, I falsely believed that physical pleasure and fake relationships could satisfy an emotional void left from years of abuse. I falsely believed that happiness could be attained by achieving, doing, and succeeding. I falsely believed that I was so lost, so broken, and had so much baggage that I was unworthy of ever being loved, especially by God. LHM has been instrumental in debunking these false truths that I had learned to believe by refocusing my attention on the real truth, reminding me of God’s faithfulness to those who love Him. I still attend my weekly small group and since the night “it happened” my understanding and appreciation of the importance of Christian community and fellowship have grown tremendously. The group’s support and the willingness to accept me, imperfections exposed, has been a true demonstration of how we should love each other as Christians. LHM does not act as a substitute for the local church, but it’s a safe place for everyone that SSA touches to share and openly discuss their struggles. It’s also a place where those of us affected by SSA can regain self-confidence and self-respect. In doing so, we are reminded of God’s love and the truth of His word so that we can lead others who also struggle towards Christ.
Transformed By His Word (cont. from page 12) all this time, I did feel God knocking on the door of my heart. I was fearful to let Him into my life again. I needed to control it all because I felt hurt, abandoned, and isolated. How could I trust Him when He was the one who allowed it to all go out of control in the first place? Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, I was told that Pappy had lung cancer. My best friend and only connection were weakening. I felt angry, sad, and helpless. I was determined to abandon my family as soon as I went to college, to escape the painful interactions with my brothers and Dad. As we all sat around Pappy's bed in the hospital room, he began to talk about how he didn’t know how much time he had. Out of all 9 grandkids, 4 daughters, and their husbands, he asked where I was. “Nicholas, I know you always say things like you ‘hate’ your brothers, but I want you all to know about family,” he said. “Never leave your family. Friends come and go, but just like the Lord, your family will always be there.” These words were like knives that pierced into my heart. The thought of hurting him by abandoning my family made me feel awful. A few weeks later, just 11 days since last seeing him, my Pappy, my best friend, passed away. That day, I was alone. That was it for me. Depression set in deeper than ever before. For months, I barely spoke to anyone. What I did speak were words of negativity, sadness, and anger. I finally felt it was time to tell my parents about my sexuality. I sat them in our living room and in tears, I told them I thought I was gay. My mother immediately was in tears and they asked why I thought that. I told them I didn’t like girls the way my brothers did. I told them that I waited until Pappy died to tell them because I didn’t want him to be hurt. While they expressed that they would love me no matter what, they insisted it was most likely a phase and
something we would pray about. All I heard in that moment was a rejection of who I believed I was. I was gay. I lied to my parents and said I thought they were right and we left it at that.
gay. I blindly believed this lie. As the semesters progressed, my addiction to sex grew. I spent almost every evening in the gay clubs, drinking, dancing, and hooking up with multiple guys.
I went to bed hurt more than ever. Even though they said they’d love me no matter what. I saw what telling them did to them. I could never be gay and they be happy. I look back and can pinpoint that moment as being the moment I shut my parents out of my life completely. I never talked to my parents about anything emotional or personal again, and never even thought of talking to my brothers about anything.
In my senior year, I began calling my Grandma every week to see how she was doing. I lied and told her that I was going to church and reading the Bible every week. It hurt me to hear how excited she was. What began as weekly calls quickly turned into daily calls. She told me about Joyce Meyer. I began listening to her messages every morning on my way to student teach. While I wasn’t following Christ, I felt His hand slowly take hold of my cold heart and warm it with each day. Every day, grandma and I would read the Jesus Calling devotions together. I began to listen more and more to God knocking on my heart. My mom sent me letters that told me how she had been praying for me, and I started listening more and more to my devotions with Grandma.
As high school came to an end, I began to welcome the goodbye to years of anxiety, stress, worry, fear, and bullying. While I would miss marching band, orchestra, and choir, I was looking forward to attending a music school in New York. Not only could I pursue a career as a pianist and teacher, I could also pursue the lifestyle I had secretly accepted. These were some of the best and worst years of my life. Throughout undergrad, I thrived and grew as a pianist and slowly immersed myself in the gay community. I wasn’t public about it at first, but eventually, more and more people found out. I was afraid of what they would think, and then I realized, “Hey! This is a music school in NY! Everyone is accepting here!” I could count on one hand how many times I went to church, but all the while, I was very outspoken about being a Christian. The more I was involved in the gay scene, the more I met guys who told me it was ok to be Christian and
The more I was involved in the gay scene, the more I met guys who told me it was ok to be Christian and Gay.
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I eventually graduated with honors and received a full ride to a University in Dallas to pursue a double master in piano performance and piano pedagogy. I was excited for this new chapter in my life, but I was still holding on to an enormous secret and addiction. The summer before moving, I slipped into a relationship with a guy I met from an app and began using drugs and drinking more and more. I left for Dallas in hopes of “getting better”. At that time “getting better” was not hooking up anymore. I thought that was good enough compared to my previous lifestyle. Despite my efforts to control my life, I felt like I couldn’t win. My new roommate was gay, and I found myself in the clubs, apps, and excessive alcohol once again. It was a never-ending cycle fueled by the lies of Satan, and refusing to trust God with my life. After two years of praying with Grandma each morning, prayers from my parents, and after a long series of sermons on how to use your lives’ mistakes at the Church I played piano at, I felt the Holy Spirit convict me. At
this point in my life, I never cried… ever. So, when I felt tears running down my face, I knew it was time. I went to my laptop and searched “Christian support groups for samesex attraction.” God’s answer to my prayer was the first result from my Google search: Living Hope Ministries. I found an email address and composed an email to this guy named Ricky Chelette. A few hours later, he replied with a message of truth through God’s Word and an identity that only Christ can bring us. I met with Ricky and shared my story. I remember asking him how a pastor’s son who grew up in the church could get involved in all this. I was so overwhelmed with feelings of shame and guilt. He smiled and replied, “Oh, you’re about to meet a whole bunch more!” On June 23, 2016, I came to my first Living Hope meeting. I remember being so overwhelmed with hope and truth from the moment I walked in. More than a dozen guys welcomed me with open arms and smiles on their faces. At first, I felt shame and embarrassment about my past, but then I felt something I never felt before: for once, I met guys who were just like me! I met Christians, who struggled with same-sex attraction! Satan tries to deceive us by making us believe we are alone without hope. In our small group meeting, I was encouraged by 1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.”
I remember being so overwhelmed with hope and truth from the moment I walked in. As I left Living Hope that night, I felt new. I couldn’t wait to fight this sin that has held me captive for so long. Ricky and each of the guys have been so faithful and loving to me through every step of my journey. We learned
how to battle our specific struggles, but more importantly, I am continuously learning how to grow in Christ and to pursue my true identity in Him. Through the support, prayers, and guidance of my brothers at Living Hope, I was able to take some big steps in my relationship with Christ. I decided to delete all social media, apps, and block around 300 numbers on my cell phone of guys I frequently used as hookups. This was incredibly hard for me, but every week, I was encouraged with nothing but truth and love from God’s Word.
providing a chance not only to see my younger brother but also to restore my relationship with him. Slowly but surely, I began to share my story with each member of my family, and some in my extended family, during that trip. After many tears and hugs, my youngest brother told me that he felt we were all on the same page for the first time. I am finally free from the bondage of secrecy and sin from my friends and family. Through my identity in Christ, I am able to heal and grow every day.
While attending Living Hope, I also began a 12-step recovery ministry at my local church to deal with my addictions. As I went every week to these two harbors of support, I began to grow daily in my walk with Christ. Every step was a new challenge. Though I’m often tempted to try and control everything in my life, I am constantly reminded to trust God with everything. God stepped in once again to give me a community group of guys in my church to walk with me every step of the way.
I remember being so overwhelmed with hope and truth from the moment I walked in.
Each day, I am learning how to grow as a man of God, speaking the truth of His Word into the lives of others and meditating on His truth daily. As the 12-step program came to an end, and I started to finish my masters, I was encouraged each day by my mentor, Ricky, and my other friends at Living Hope. One of the verses that has spoken most to me since being at Living Hope is found in Psalm 105:4: “Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face continuously.” While I had been restoring my relationship with Christ, I also had five other very severed relationships to restore: my family. Because of a miracle and answer to my prayers, Ricky surprised me and informed me that an anonymous member of Living Hope wanted to make it possible for me to fly home to visit my younger brother before he was deployed to Kuwait and Syria. This brought tears to my eyes. To this day, I thank God and whoever that was for
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I wish I could say that I am free from same-sex attraction, depression, and temptations of lust, but that’s not the case. However, because of the grace of God, His patience, and His love as shown to me through Living Hope, I have been able to grow more than ever. I am encouraged daily to seek the Lord and His strength ONLY. I am reminded to seek Him always. I no longer hide behind my piano; I now use it for God’s glory. I no longer find my identity in other men; I no longer associate myself with that lifestyle; I no longer hide from the shame and sin of my past sexual abuse, alcohol abuse, and countless sexual encounters. Allow me to re-introduce myself: Hello, my name is Nick, I am from upstate New York, and because of the grace, love, and free gift of Christ, I am a child of God. My identity is in my Lord and Savior alone. Because I embrace God’s truth in Christ, I am a new creation!
Online but never
alone By Roger, 60 My name is Roger and I struggle with same-sex attraction (SSA), as well as the numerous other sins connected with it. Growing up, I was consistently sexually abused by my Father who was a pastor. This molestation—in addition to the typical, destructive psychological effects—caused me to question God.
distance between myself and my childhood environment. When I got to college, though, I still found myself drawn to certain dorm fellows. Despite altering my location and living situation, nothing seemed to change. To make matters worse, one of my peers sexually assaulted me while he thought I was sleeping. Even at a Bible college, I was not safe from being used by other men for their sexual gratification, something that messed with my mind and heart even further.
Growing up, I was consistently sexually abused by my father who was a pastor.
Even at a Bible college I was not safe from being used by other men for their sexual gratification
Because of the consistency of the abuse, I spent a lot of time at home being conditioned into the SSA mindset. As a kid, I didn't know a lot about being gay. There was no pornography in our home and all I saw of it was passed around at school or in the locker rooms. I did not have the vocabulary to label what my Father and I did during the dark of night while everyone else slept, so I rationalized that we were just doing family stuff. It had nothing to do with what I heard around school regarding homosexuality.
Although all my homosexual experiences had been abusive violations of my personhood, I still found myself checking out other men in quiet moments or when I was out and about. Despite these attractions, I ended up getting married to my first wife. It was not long before I began to act out sexually with other men. I ended up having affairs with two men from my work, as well as another man from my church. Although I was having sex with other men, I rationalized these encounters as not gay but simply two guys “fooling around” as men often do, just buddies being buddies. For me it was not romance, but recreational. I was married and had no intention of riding off into the sunset with Mr. Right. That was definitely not for me.
My Mom led me to accept Christ when I was a little boy. I knew that I loved Jesus and the little that I did know about homosexuals was that they were not Christians. Past these few memories, I don’t remember much about the early years. I more than likely cannot recall this time in my life with any kind of detail due to the extent of the sexual abuse. I developed the gift of forgetfulness early on, which in many ways may be a blessing.
After a while, though, I could no longer pretend I was not fully attracted to other men of a certain type. My first marriage, as a result, ended rather sadly. At that point, I gave up and just accepted that I must be gay. That was a very dark time; very dark. I had, in my mind, failed as a man, as a husband, as a father, and especially as a Christian. I knew I was worthless.
As I got older, around 11 and on, I was in denial about the abuse and my desire to be connected with other men in a sexual way. I decided that it was best to put it all out of my mind until after I left for college, until I could put some
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After the divorce, I gave my body to whoever would have me. I knew they were bad and broken people who wanted to use and abuse me, but I reasoned that they were all I deserved. I didn't merit anyone of quality. If I pursued anyone of character, I'd only damage them too. So, I sought out people as damaged as me. That would be the best I could do and more than I deserved. This is a terrible place to end up. Over the years, though, I've noticed many people finding themselves in this exact situation. I was essentially the woman at the well. It was living water I needed, but I felt I'd only pollute the well if I touched it.
In the midst of all this darkness, God has promised to be a Father to the fatherless, a status I know I hold. He also promised to remember my tears and turn my sorrow into gladness, and he has indeed done just that. I have constantly been amazed at all the blessings he has bestowed on me. There have been some wonderful friendships that I have enjoyed, if only briefly, during my life. My health has been excellent even though I was never careful during my promiscuous days. God has watched over me and protected me as only a loving father could have.
Eventually, I began to find my way back to Christ and started searching for support. My search eventually led me to several websites, one of which was Living Hope. The Living Hope Online Forum was the only one I found that actually seemed to fit the bill. It was Godly, it was safe, and it allowed me to be honest.
I have ultimately learned there is hope, always hope, no matter what your circumstances. No matter how dark things get, there is always hope if you hang on. Sometimes just 24 hours can make a huge difference. I have been able to share my story with others and seen hope take root in them also. We must trust in God’s promise found in Jeremiah 29:11: “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
I'd done a lot of heart work before joining the Living Hope Forums, but in short order I discovered that there was so much more I could do. The forums are full of hope, which I desperately needed. I always feel comfortable posting my victories, failures, and questions, knowing I'll get good advice and prayer support. Because of my time with Living Hope, I have been able to remarry, restore my relationship with Christ, and even reach out to help and strengthen others both online and in person where I live. My SSA, overall, has become much more manageable. The desires have greatly diminished and intimacy with my wife has improved. I have learned I can be more trusting, even though it is still difficult. While the forums, like the rest of Living Hope, offers no easy answers or quick fixes, I can say with confidence that they have moved me along a lot more than anything else I've found. I'm very grateful for the staff and men whom I've met and interacted with through Living Hope’s online community.
Nowadays, I attend church and Bible study weekly, as well as check in on the Living Hope Forums with the guys whom I have grown to care for very much. I don’t really care if I continue to be tempted in the old ways. The sin of SSA has lost its teeth, turning more into a nuisance rather than a ravishing monster. I am no longer fooled by the allure of homosexuality. I know what lies down that road and I have no desire to wallow in that pit ever again.
The sin of SSA has lost its teeth, turning more into a nuisance rather than a ravishing monster.
Because of my time with Living Hope, I have been able to remarry, restore my relationship with Christ
There will always be battles with temptation. That’s the way we grow and I understand that now. No matter what new struggles come, I know I have the support, love, and encouragement of the guys on the Living Hope Forums, a resource that I unsuccessfully looked for in so many other places.
The hardest part of dealing with my SSA, though, has been accepting all the losses in my life. The loss of my first marriage and dream of being close to my two sons. The loss of my second marriage (I’m on my third now). The loss of—and I know this sounds weird—a deep father/son relationship with my own Father. What Dad and I had in the dark of night was really all we had. I have often watched with envy the interactions of fathers and sons who expressed true, healthy love for one another. I have also had to grieve the loss of my childhood, the loss of innocence as I was sexualized and used by the men around me.
What Dad and I had in the dark of night was really all we had.
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Dear Traveler on this Great Journey, By Lea, 38 By October 2017, I will have been a part of Living Hope Ministries for just over eight years. This journey has been one of the most substantial, difficult, splendid, harrowing, joyful, terrifying, remarkable, nerve-racking, fulfilling, and significant journeys of my life. There have been many mountains and valleys, triumphs and discouragements, victories and stumbles on this journey that there is never really a place where one reaches done. Living Hope is a ministry that offers hope, healing, and wholeness, but most of all offers tools and help on the journey to a deeper relationship with God. And we never reach the pinnacle end of that journey, but are on an ever-reaching race towards the prize of the High Calling, for which we have been called heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14).
married to one some day. Problem solved. Right? Closing the book there, I didn’t deal with any of the problems attached to those attractions. I thought that God saying “no” was all there was to the process and I didn’t consider that I had to deal with the core issues. For the next 10 years or so, I continued to struggle in a different but closely related form - dangerously close relationally idolatrous friendships. This was mostly with friendships to girls, but also to guys and, at times, ministry groups and church people. As years went on and as emotionally dependent/idolatrous relationships came and went, I began to forget all about the call to ministry that I had once been so passionate about. My priorities changed drastically. I became focused on a community theatre and did not often cross through the doors of a church any longer.
I grew up in an unhealthy and unstable home and school environment. At school, I was the girl that didn’t fit in, finding myself always on the outside of social groups. I would have one close friend at a time, but those friendships often ended with rejection and subsequent ridicule, which left me detached and dejected. At home, I often became a scapegoat for conflicts and other unpleasant occurrences and, as I got older, I was typically outside of favor there as well. Subsequently, my sustaining interactions existed in the form of novels, TV shows, or academic pursuits.
After a while, things came to the point where I had to make a choice – to choose to follow God or to choose to turn away entirely. I had become apathetic and numb, but on the couch in my room one night, I made a tearful choice not to turn away. Along the way, a faithful friend from my karate class chose to stick by me and continued to insist that I come back towards God and to her church (where the karate classes were taking place). I attended her church here and there, decided to stick around, and joined the music ministry; however, my heart remained cold and numb. I made an effort to show up for things, subsequently resigning myself to my new life: a life of service to God with no passion.
My sister recently discovered a poignant illustration of this family turmoil in my parents’ house. She found a note that I had typed sometime in early grade school on my new typewriter. The note read, “I want 5 $ and 60 ¢ and Mom to love me.” I was saddened to see this grade-schooler’s cry for help.
I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE – TO CHOOSE TO FOLLOW GOD OR TO CHOOSE TO TURN AWAY ENTIRELY.
“I WANT 5 $ AND 60 ¢ AND MOM TO LOVE ME.” I made it through my school age years mostly in one piece, but middle school was even worse. In 7th grade, I was that kid that everyone would harass and pick on, mostly verbally but I did get hit in the head with a hairspray can (early 90’s) once. Life was very difficult. Halfway through that year, I began eating lunch in the bathroom to avoid what would happen if I entered the cafeteria. Thankfully by the end of the year I found another tortured soul to eat lunch with in the hallway! That was quite a step up at the time.
But God met me in that hopeless place. One night at a church worship conference, there was some song about Jeremiah 29:11, and suddenly I remembered. It was if someone turned the light switch in my life back on, and I began to feel again. It was amazing and at the same time very difficult. I had so many wounds that I had accumulated throughout my life in broken and idolatrous relationships that had had no resolution. Yet, I was no longer numb. It was in that state a very old problem decided to show up from behind the cobwebs.
In 8th grade, I had some different classmates who gave me some peace, but my family life got particularly horrible and somewhat abusive around that time. I was totally isolated. Not so coincidently, I began to wonder why I was not attracted to any boys. I wondered if perhaps God had created me . . . with different attractions. I feared that idea, but as time went on it became clearer which sex was more attractive to me.
In the summer of 2008, I realized that I was twenty-nine, unmarried, alone, and still craving close companionship. And then it happened. Someone really caught my attention, and it wasn’t like anyone who had caught my attention before. This person was smart, bold, knew what they wanted, and was kind to me. This person encouraged me to further my education; this person talked to me and taught me things I had wanted to learn; this person had many qualities that I admired. This may have been a description of a positive attraction in my life if it weren’t for the fact that they described a woman.
Just before I turned 16, a girl at school invited me to the school’s Bible Club and to church, which is where I met Jesus! My life changed drastically and dramatically, and I began to sense that God had a calling on my life. Shortly after becoming a Christian I read something in the Bible that clearly stated that God said NO to homosexuality. Rather than condemnation, I felt great relief as this told me that God had not created me gay. As I grew in relationship with God, I also came to the point where boys at least seemed a bit attractive and I could imagine being able to get
I explored the idea of pro-gay theology for a very short time and decided it was wrong. Though nothing even remotely happened between us, I struggled for a year with my attraction to this
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woman. Finally, I realized that I could not deal with it anymore alone; I knew I needed to find some kind of help.
22:37-38: “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment’” (NIV). My experience with Living Hope has not been about requirements to be like this or like that or to just change on the outside. The primary message I have received from this place is to look to God and serve Him, seek healing from Him, and most of all to love Him and receive His Love and Healing; then, the rest will follow. Any other message would be lesser in power. The second theme I have found often to be communicated is found in Matthew 22:39, “And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” Living Hope has taught me how important it is to selflessly love the people I have the opportunity to interact with, placing the needs of others above my own and, consequently, keeping relationships and friendships healthy.
I REALIZED THAT I COULD NOT DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE ALONE; I KNEW I NEEDED TO FIND SOME KIND OF HELP. That is when something happened that changed everything for me. It was a very special evening late one night when I found my way into the women’s forum on the Living Hope Ministries site. Incredulously, I realized for the first time that there WERE others out there like me – struggling for what they believed was right, yet overcome by very powerful emotions to the contrary. But more than that, I also discovered that there was hope.
LIVING HOPE HAS TAUGHT ME HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO SELFLESSLY LOVE THE PEOPLE
And then the real journey began. I enthusiastically dove into the online forums, desiring to learn all I could and to have fellowship with others who were likeminded and could understand. I was so broken, and so very hungry for this information because finally, FINALLY I had found the answers to questions that had been plaguing me my whole life. My own struggle with same-sex attraction was what got me into the forums, but once I was there I learned about the concept of emotional dependency and relational idolatry, which I soon realized was the major factor that had previously held me back from many important things in my life. Relational idolatry kept me from accomplishing goals, kept me from healthy relationships, stopped me from performing ministry that I could have been doing, and worst of all, stood in the way of the deepest possible relationship that I could have with Jesus.
I will always possess solemn gratitude towards the ministry of Living Hope. Living Hope was there for me in a discreet and powerful way when I needed it the most. At the time of my worst struggle and brokenness, I would not have been able to pursue help from any organization that did not provide the anonymity and safety that Living Hope provided. This place has changed me from a scared person who had to hide into a person ready to accept the calling that the Lord has for her.
THIS PLACE HAS CHANGED ME FROM A SCARED PERSON WHO HAD TO HIDE INTO A PERSON READY TO ACCEPT THE CALLING THAT THE LORD HAS FOR HER.
I found that there were others out there like me, those who wanted to overcome unwanted attractions, but could not figure out how to do it; who knew that it was wrong but did not understand the details involved; who had to process a lot of pains and hurts in their lives; who wanted to abandon the desires of the flesh and sinful past and move towards the light of God’s truth.
Today, everything is changed. I see the struggle of homosexuality, and even relational idolatry, as something that God used to knock me back onto His path. Living Hope is a major component of what God chose to use to wake me up to everything that is important. This ministry is about Jesus, and the ultimate purpose is to help people who are in desperate need find that which it is they need the most - an encounter with God and a living, dynamic relationship with Jesus, which is the only thing that can and will cause change.
I learned about appropriate behavior and expectations for healthy relationships, and was able to practice walking out healthy friendships within the safety net of the confidential, moderated forums. The support and model of other participants and the caring, truthful leadership of Living Hope provided the foundation, direction, and strength to allow me to learn to function in a healthy community.
As I look to the future, I am not sure exactly what is going to happen; however, I know that as I seek the Lord, He will open the doors and lead the way. Through all of the experiences of my life, He has been there and it is through His incredible grace that I am here today. I am encouraged by Psalm 119:105 which reads, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” Though things that may occur in our government or society around us may discourage us, God’s Word stands firm and His truth never changes (Isaiah 40:8). He has been and will continue to be faithful to uphold His Word and Truth in our lives as we surrender our paths to Him (Jeremiah 1:12; Psalm 119:105).
As my time with Living Hope went on, God began to reveal more layers of hurt and darkness that existed in my life. Scabs and scars were torn away, and bit by bit God began to remind me of so many things that I had thought were in my distant past. I began to remember what it was like to have a passion for God's Word. I began to remember the life and freedom that came from following Jesus with everything in me and being willing to take big risks. I began to remember the absolute satisfaction that could come only from actually obeying God and being IN His will for my life. It was bit by bit, but ultimately my eyes were opened and I began to follow Him and seek Him, to surrender more of my life to Him. Greater than all of these things is the all-encompassing truth that is at the center of what is said and done at Living Hope. The fundamental theme I have learned here is found in Matthew
Signed, One Who Can Only Boast In The Cross 34
THE FASHIONING & DESTRUCTION OF AN IDOL
By Dianne All who fashion idols are nothing, and the things they treasure are worthless… [they shape] it in human form, human form in all its glory, that it may dwell in a shrine…Such a person feeds on ashes; a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself. - Isaiah 44:9;13;20. One of the most important concepts that I have learned through Living Hope is that we are all inclined to make and worship idols. While an idol can be anything that we consider more important than God, I personally have made idols out of several of the women in my life. I looked to them to save me from the resounding emptiness in my soul, from the incompleteness that burdened me after being sexually abused as a child, from the isolation I believed was simply a part of my life. Yet, when I trusted in these relationships to rectify all these emotional chasms in my soul, I ended up with, to paraphrase Isaiah, nothing more than a mouth full of ashes. I have learned these idols will never fulfill because “apart from [God] I have no good thing” (Psalm 16:2).
WE ARE ALL INCLINED TO MAKE AND WORSHIP IDOLS. My story starts when my Dad was at one of the local dances and he saw the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on, my Mother. He relentlessly pursued her, but she continued to deny his marriage proposals. Not wanting to lose her, he reasoned that if he could get her pregnant, then she would have to marry him. Without missing a beat, she conceived and they were married. During my delivery, my Mother’s doctor was not proactive due to his religious beliefs, causing him to overlook the fact that I was breech. My Mother and I almost died that day, yet God had bigger plans for our lives. About a year after they were married, my parents accepted Christ’s payment
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for their sins and became Christians. Despite having found God, both my Mother and Father had deep, unhealed emotional wounds from their own childhood. While I have no conclusive evidence, everything that I have learned from my own struggles leads me to believe that my Mother was sexually abused as a child. My Father was indeed physically beaten by his own Father multiple times, causing him to run away from home to escape the abuse. He never seemed to have forgiven his Father and, consequentially, was deeply wounded by this. As a family, we attended a Bible teaching church, yet the lessons did not seem to make a lasting impact on my Father. We would go to church in the morning and by that evening he would curse the whole night. I specifically remember my parents constantly yelling over money. Amidst all this emotional turmoil, my Father would regularly enter the bathroom while my younger sister and I were bathing or getting dressed. He would leer at us and make sexual comments about our
bodies. On another occasion, he made us take our clothes off and beat us with a 2" leather belt as punishment for lying to him. Full of shame, we wore pants to school the next day to hide the redness and bruising. Due to my Father’s abuse, I became very afraid of men. The attacks left me feeling powerless and very vulnerable. Dad repeatedly told me he had wanted a boy and not a girl. According to him, I was inherently less valuable because I was a woman. Later in my life, I confronted him one day, asserting that he did not like women. He misinterpreted me, thinking that I was saying he was gay—a special irony I still laugh about to this day.
DUE TO MY FATHER’S ABUSE, I BECAME VERY AFRAID OF MEN. My reaction to my Mother was more complicated. On the one hand, I felt sorry for her and I tried to take care of her. However, during the times my Father abused us, I could not help but feel like she had abandoned us by not attempting to intervene more. I do not share all this to dishonor my parents. On the contrary, when I understood my childhood with greater clarity, I finally realized why I detached from my relationships with both of them. When I was younger, I mistakenly believed that their marriage reflected all marriages. Thus, I vowed I would never get married. Determined to live life as a single, I became involved in Christian ministry, specifically seeking to travel overseas as a missionary. As part of the application process, we were given numerous personality tests. At one of my sessions to review my testing, I was told that it appeared that I might have a tendency toward female attraction. Despite the fact that I indeed struggled with same-sex attraction, I profusely
denied this. After all, I may have had feelings for women come up at times, but I had always managed to push them down.
It was from these false beliefs that my same-sex attraction took root in my life. I turned to other women as a safe place to receive care and love.
I did end up going to Haiti for two years as a nurse. While there, I shared a beautiful, two-story cement house with five other girls. God gave me some wonderful Christian friendships while there. However, I did not leave my same-sex attraction stateside. There was one friendship that, after a longer hug than necessary, set me off like a firecracker, with desire exploding in my heart and mind. I had never felt such a longing to hold someone and be held. I wanted to pursue this relationship, but fortunately she did not. Despite her own history of sexual promiscuity, she did not know what to do with my advances.
I DID NOT WANT TO GIVE UP MY CHRISTIAN IMAGE, BUT I DID WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER.
After returning home, I discovered Living Hope. When I first met Ricky, he asked me why he should allow me to attend the Living Hope meetings. Not knowing what else to say, I frankly responded, “If you don’t then I will end up in a same-sex relationship.” You see, there was someone whom I was very attracted to and whom I admired very much. She was an open lesbian in an active relationship. My strong emotional and sexual desires overcame my Christian beliefs and I pursued her in a very ambivalent manner. Despite my pursuit of her, I was deeply conflicted in my heart. I did not want to give up my Christian image, but I did want a relationship with her. I felt God very strongly tell me no, but I rebelled and pursued her anyway. Despite my rebellion, the women of Living Hope continued to pray for and walk with me, offering me accountability even when I did not want it. Through Living Hope and other resources, I learned that because of my fear of, and inability to, trust men, I formed a set of strong, yet false, beliefs in my heart and mind. I believed that all men were dangerous and could never be trusted. I felt that I needed to hunt down those who would nurture me because even my parents did not take the time to love and care for me.
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After a time away from Living Hope, I have recently returned as an active participant. I saw how my refusal to forgive my Father was still wreaking havoc in my life and I knew that the ladies at Living Hope would walk with me as I processed these feelings. I realized that his inappropriate leering all those years ago had become a part of the way I look at others, using my eyes to violate their personal boundaries. For the past six-months, I have attended an intensive Bible study program offered through Living Hope. In the curriculum, we were asked to journal through the steps of forgiveness for anyone who had abused us. It was hard, but I did just that for my Father and by the end I completely forgave him for his abuse against me. Since that exercise, I have felt a weight lifted from my chest that has been a part of me for years. While I have come a long way, I am still learning how to offer myself grace instead of condemnation for my own weaknesses. I am learning to slowly reveal my real self to others and trust God as He leads my steps because I know that, in Him, I am “perfect and complete” (Col 3:10). Living Hope has been a crucial safe haven for me to gain an understanding of the source of my attractions and how to walk in hope.
THE BEAUTIFUL BENEFITS
Embracing Truth OF
By Sarah, 35
My name is Sarah and I have been at Living Hope Ministries for almost five years. When I came to LHM, I intended to leave quickly. My desire was to come to group, share a little bit about myself, experience the Lord’s healing, and then move on. I had no intention to be here five years later, but I’m so thankful that the Lord has allowed me to stay.
remind me to invite the Lord into the hurts, to ask him to show me what forgiveness would look like, to surrender myself to His desires, and to ask Him for help. Slowly, but surely, after many prayers, falls, moments of repentance, celebrations of victory, hard conversations, and costly moments of forgiveness my life changed.
For most of my adult years, I lived a relatively nomadic life. I finished college in 2004, moved to my seminary town, then moved abroad to be a missionary in 2007, then moved to DFW in 2010 to join a church plant. I had a heart for starting new things and didn’t mind not having deep roots – something I thought that was a part of my “missionary calling.”
In fact, my very desires changed. Rather than embracing shallow roots, I found myself embracing deep, meaningful, honest, and life sharing long–term relationships. I have lived in DFW longer than any other location in my adult life and I now serve as a small group leader at Living Hope. This has blessed me with the opportunity to help others embrace the same truths that transformed my life.
Change was something I embraced. In fact, change was something I used to my advantage. If I constantly changed locations and relationships, then no one ever knew me deeply or long enough to confront my brokenness. The Lord, however, planted me here in DFW, and then he grew my roots deep into the soil at the church I moved here to serve. I stayed long enough that people began to see beyond the nice veneer. Sexual abuse, addiction, and same-sex relationships riddled my past and troubled my present. I presented as a “good girl,” but was controlled by sin. My community saw my sin, confronted me, lead me to Living Hope, and even came with me for weeks as support.
And now change has reintroduced itself in my life. I got married in May to a kind, gentle, and patient man. Marriage in itself is quite a change, yet there’s more. The Lord gave me a Nigerian, church–planting pastor to be my husband! Through David, He has reminded me of His call on my life as a missionary and we are looking forward to planting in Nigeria. The Lord has, and continues, to use David to bring about change. In the month before we married, we changed cities and churches. We left the church I’d had such deep roots in to be a part of a new church plant. I also changed jobs in the midst of that season and we learned that I was pregnant. New job, new city, new church, new community, new marriage and now, a new baby! So much change!
SEXUAL ABUSE, ADDICTION, AND SAMESEX RELATIONSHIPS RIDDLED MY PAST AND TROUBLED MY PRESENT. I PRESENTED AS A “GOOD GIRL,” BUT WAS CONTROLLED BY SIN.
Before coming to Living Hope, this change would have been welcomed, and yet now I find myself struggling to embrace Truth in the midst of so much change. Do I have what it takes to do all this? I’ve been fearful, anxious, sad, selfish, and self–preserving, but Living Hope has been consistent in the midst of chaos. And now, week after week, I am again reminded to invite the Lord in as I grieve, celebrate, and embrace all the changes. I am reminded to embrace the Truth that I have a Father in heaven who gives good gifts, who sees me, hears me, and knows my heart.
Living Hope embraces the Truth of God’s Word, the reality that Christ came to give us abundant life. When I first came to group, I realized that I was not experiencing this abundant life. No, I was experiencing the death engendered by my sin. As I jourrnied deeper with Living Hope, I discovered that they embraced the Truth that what is brought into the light will not return to darkness, the Truth that those whom God has freed, he has freed indeed!
At Living Hope, I am reminded that there is Good News despite the fact that our world seems to be growing in darkness. Living Hope isn’t just a ministry I attend weekly because I struggle with same–sex attraction. No, Living Hope has been a family, a community in the midst of change, and a compass that has always pointed me to God's Truth.
While I wasn’t ready to embrace these truths for myself at the time, the leaders at Living Hope were willing to walk with me as I grew. I came weekly and listened as Ricky preached the Word. After his teaching, my small group leader would consistently
LIVING HOPE HAS BEEN A FAMILY, A COMMUNITY IN THE MIDST OF CHANGE 37
he oad To ealin
By Adam, 35
I grew up in small-town-Texas where it is all about Friday night football, big trucks, and who's your momma and daddy. I loved growing up in a small town, and I am very thankful for the upbringing I was afforded. I could not ask for more amazing parents either. There were simple things that were a really big deal like, no matter what was going on, my parents made a point for us to sit down at the kitchen table as a family for supper several times a week. My parents have always been the surest, most certain relationships in my life, and no matter how tough life gets, I never doubt their love. The challenges growing up in my home were matters of faith and spiritual life. It was not that my family did not attend church, but that on Sundays we got in different cars to go to different churches. My Dad was a loyal Catholic. My Mom, Baptist. I don't know exactly how the conversation went when my parents made the decision that my sister and I would be raised Baptist, but it never seemed to be a point of contention between them. However, for me, it was a place of separation between my Dad and me. My Dad and I never had a bad relationship, but I never went to him to discuss anything serious either – especially when it had to do with my faith. I went to my mom most of the time if I needed to talk about something, or if I needed to talk to a guy, I would go to a friend's Dad that went to my church. I was saved at the age of 16 at my home church during a Sunday night revival service. It was my Sunday School teacher – who was also the Dad of one of my friends – that led me to the Lord. I don't doubt my salvation now. However, for too long, I was under the misconception that after accepting
Jesus into my heart, all my temptations and struggles would disappear. That included my secret struggle with same-sex attraction. If that didn’t just disappear, I wasn't going to be telling anyone about it. As I got older, this misconception did cause me to doubt my faith for a time.
I was under the misconception that after accepting Jesus into my heart, all my temptations and struggles would disappear. Growing up, I was always part of the music programs at school and church. I would usually spend almost my whole summer on different trips with my church youth group. I wasn't what you would call the "rough-and-tumble kid" though. It was during my teenage years that I started to realize—but would never admit to anyone—that I struggled with same-sex attraction (SSA). It was my secret sin. I started looking at pornography on the internet and late-night television when I was in junior high, and this continued through my college and adult years. When I moved to the Dallas/Fort Worth area to begin graduate school, I had more on my mind than just academics. I still did not want to live an openly gay lifestyle, but I wanted to secretly explore with guys. If I didn't want my parents to become suspicious of me, I knew that when
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I moved to the DFW area I would have to become involved with a local church. Besides, I still liked singing in the choir and praise team. The problem with this was that as I served in worship leadership, I was merely faking my sincerity when I sang the words. What is worse is I was fully aware of how big of a hypocrite I was, faking it at church and among church friends while consuming a larger part of my time with a life I always knew was wrong. Thankfully, by remaining committed to the worship ministry, I was still attending a church on a regular basis where God's truth was being preached. Until last year, I didn't dare open up to anyone about my struggle with SSA. I finally had enough, though. I was tired of being lonely, tired of making excuses for failed relationships, tired of feeling stuck in life, tired of not growing in my relationship with Christ...just tired. I first heard about Living Hope Ministries about ten years ago. I considered Living Hope then, but never followed through until March 2016. The intake assessment with the executive director, Ricky, was painfully in-depth. We went over every little detail of my life, and many of my answers I was saying out-loud for the first time. The longer we talked, the more I felt my facade of “I have it all together” falling apart. I remember Ricky asking me the question, “How would you identify yourself right now: heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual?” I remember thinking, “There's no way I can spin my answer to make it sound acceptable or justified. I can't talk myself around this one.” I felt like all the wind got knocked out of me as I said aloud for the first time, “Homosexual.”
I felt my facade of “I have it all together” falling apart. Ricky talked to me about what Living Hope was, and that the identity I had come to believe about myself was an identity that I had given to myself as a result of misguided feelings and lies. It was not my actual identity because my actual identity was who God says I am through the blood of Jesus Christ. Who I am is what God created me to be. Now, of course, this did not all sink in during the intake, and I did not walk away with the secret prayer or process that would ensure I would never be tempted by SSA again. Ricky told me during the initial intake that this was going to be one of the hardest roads I ever walked down. I believed him, but there was no way in that moment I could appreciate what that would really mean. As I began attending Living Hope, I was incredibly thankful for the support I found there. I was able to confront my struggle and find support from others that knew exactly what kind of journey I was on. About a month after I started attending Living Hope, the opportunity came up for me to talk to my best friend about my struggle. I knew I needed to talk to him. He and I had been friends for over 10 years and seen each other through most of our young adult lives. After a lot of counsel and prayer, I ended up sharing with him one evening about my struggle with SSA and that I had started attending Living Hope. This conversation did not end well. As soon as I told him what was going on, his whole demeanor changed. We still talked it through, but at the end of the conversation, it was clear he was ready for me to leave. He wasn’t angry. He seemed pained. As I went to leave, he looked me in the eye, smiled as we shook hands, said
goodnight, but somehow, I knew this was probably goodbye. We did not talk much at all for about 6 months. Then, one evening, he called me to have one final conversation. The first part of the call was fine, just shootin' the bull and catching up, but the call ended with him telling me he did not feel he was supposed to be part of my life anymore. So, that evening when we said goodnight, this time, it truly was goodbye. As torn up as I was about losing my best friend, I continued to slowly have conversations with the people I was closest to. It was also during this time that I had my first conversation with an immediate family member, my sister. I knew my sister was a hard person to shock, and if I did catch her off guard, she would be over it in about two minutes and already moving on to how to help. I had traveled home to see my family for a long weekend. I decided that if the situation presented itself while I was there, I would open up to my sister about my struggle with SSA and my involvement with Living Hope. Well wouldn't you know it, I found myself on the front porch with my sister looking around thinking, “Well, where'd everybody else go? Guess I'm gonna need to talk now.” My sister and I ended up with the porch to ourselves for most of the afternoon, so I told her about the journey I had started with Living Hope. After I shared with my sister, I started to share with other important people in my life, and one evening I was talking with a friend in the parking lot after church. I had already opened up to her a few months prior, but on this particular evening, I was upset because the night before was when I had had that final phone call with my long-time friend. As she and I were saying goodnight, a mentor of mine was walking out to the parking lot. He and I had been close for a while, and usually, he could read me like a book. He and I had not talked yet about
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Living Hope or my struggle with SSA. I had intended to talk to him eventually. Not yet though. Planned or not, I was standing there crying, and to even consider giving some vague answer was stupid. Besides, he would know if I was holding something back or if I was lying. I decided to ask him if he knew anything about Living Hope Ministries. He said he did and that allowed me to give the short version of my story. We made plans though to sit down and have a longer conversation a couple of weeks later. When he and I met for dinner, I gave him the more exhaustive version of my testimony. We had to talk through some rough areas; especially as it pertained to me being a leader in the worship ministry. As we wrapped up our conversation for the evening, he told me something I would later hear repeated almost word-for-word from several other friends and family. He said, “Adam, after hearing you open up about your story and seeking help at Living Hope Ministries, I now respect you more as a man.” I would never have imagined that after hearing about my past, anyone would say something like that to me. But, like I said, I have had multiple people say almost those exact same words to me. Repeatedly, God has used the people I respect and care for the most, to tell me how much HE loves me. Even when I've said, “I really don't see how,” HE continues to use those around me to say: HE never left me, HE still wants me, I am who HE says I am, HE created me for HIS purpose, HE wants to walk with me toward that purpose, and, yes, HE still loves me. I now know there were parts of this journey I had to walk and challenges I had to learn from before I could face what would be my hardest conversation...my parents. I was not afraid of being rejected by my parents. I knew they were my biggest fans and even after telling them about my struggle with SSA, I knew they were
"I now respect you more as a man." I never would have imagined that after hearing about my past, anyone would say something like that to me. But, like I said, I have had multiple people say almost those exact same words to me. still going to love me. However, I knew when I talked to my Mom and Dad about my struggle with SSA, it was going to hurt them. Hurt them with the thought of what happened or could have happened. Hurt realizing any pain their child has gone through. Hurt that one of their children felt hopeless, and believed they would always struggle alone; that they thought they would never find a way out. Hurt that their son believed he could never ask them for help with this; anything else, but not this. As difficult as I knew this conversation would be, I ended up talking to my parents while I was home during the Thanksgiving Holiday of 2016. Before heading home, I sat down to pray and talk with friends and mentors that already knew my testimony. One of these conversations was with Ricky who gave me guidance on how to approach the conversation, and what would be important to consider when I talked with my Mom and Dad. I decided on the best day and time by talking to my sister, and when the day came I stuck to my commitment
to talking to them. I told them about everything God had been doing in my life, and I confessed to them my struggle and history with SSA that had brought me to seek help at Living Hope Ministries. I was blown away yet again at how God had woven so many things together to prepare mine and my parents' hearts for this conversation. When I was telling my parents everything, my Mom kept a pretty straight face and frankly, this scared me. I was tearing up and breaking down at different points, and if I start crying, typically so would my mom. After I finished saying my part, the first thing my mom said to me was, “I don't want you to think I'm not reacting, but my mind is reeling right now realizing all the ways God has been preparing me over the past year for this conversation.” Then, Mom started crying. As I knew they would be, my parents are still behind me no matter what. It's still a challenging road for us. I have had to come to terms with the fact that my parents and I are on different parts of this journey. They cannot be everything I need, and I cannot be everything they need. Growth and healing are ongoing between my parents and me, but that is only possible as we each rely on Christ to supply what we need. As I came back from that holiday visit with my family, there was no way I could have ever anticipated where the Lord would take me next on this journey. As my lease was about to expire, I started praying about my living situation. I mostly summed up everything I was praying for into “a better living situation.” And I already had in my head what a “better living situation” looked like. But God had a very specific place for me that wasn't just a “better living situation;” it was the best living situation for me. In May, the LHM Men's Director, Bruno, approached me about becoming the house leader for the Hope House, which is the residential
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program Living Hope has for the young men's ministry. This totally hit me out of left field, but Ricky and Bruno had been praying for some time before they approached me. Over the next few weeks, I talked and prayed through the details with Ricky, Bruno, and my family, and doors just kept opening. I told my parents, “I couldn't have come up with a better living situation. Everything has fit a little, too, perfectly.” My Mom then said to me, “Well... then you know where it came from.” God made that very clear. This was about so much more than finding a better living situation, it was about finding God. It was finding God and realizing that God is going to take care of me so much better than I can take care of myself. After a few weeks of talking and praying with those closest to me, I officially accepted the Hope House Leader role. A few months ago, one of my friends asked me, “When you look back over the past year and starting your journey with Living Hope, would you have ever thought you would find yourself where you are now?” I firmly replied, “Not a chance.” My journey with Living Hope has been so humbling. I still have to remind myself constantly that I'm not who I used to be. I'm not the lies I had come to believe. I am who the Father says I am.
This was about so much more than finding a better living situation, it was about finding God
A GOSPEL-CENTERED
Transformation By Michael, 29 I was not born into a Christian household. I was raised by undeniably good parents as the youngest of three boys. From a young age, it was apparent I was an introverted child. I had trouble making friends and my two older brothers had personalities more aligned with one another. I was primarily raised by my Mom, who opted to stay-at-home while my Dad worked. While still in elementary school, my Dad moved out and my parents separated. This created a great deal of uncertainty, though my Mom tried her best to conceal it with ever-increasing love and attention paid to my brothers and me. Though my Dad had moved out, he would still come by the house in the evenings for dinner before again departing. As my parents’ relationship grew more strained with time, my Dad began to come by for shorter and shorter durations, though he still provided full financial support.
As I entered high school, not much changed. I was still a severely quiet kid with few friends. I didn’t drink, go to parties, or really do anything too disreputable. However, I had an ever-growing addiction to pornography. I participated in football and choir in an attempt to socialize, but never felt accepted by either group. By the time I was finishing high school, I had given very little serious thought to my future. But I made good grades and college seemed a reasonable choice, another opportunity for a new beginning. College functioned very much like high school. I lived at home with my Mom and two older brothers who were still living there as well. My Dad was pretty well detached emotionally, though he did continue to provide full financial support for us. As time wore on, I became increasingly discontent by my wayward lifestyle. I saw two older brothers who refused to act as men or provide an example to me of what adulthood was supposed to look like. My life was a predictable cycle of loneliness, pornography, and strained familial relationships.
One weekend, while still in elementary school, I remember hoping to spend the weekend with my Dad at his place. As I packed a bag getting ready for my first venture to his house, he asked me if this was something I really wanted to do. After having a conversation with my Mom, he ultimately convinced me to simply stay at home for the weekend rather than go with him. I took this as a deep rejection from one of the only male figures in my life. I never had been to Dad’s place. As the years wore on, little changed. Dad would come by the house most evenings to keep up appearances before departing, with my Mom and brothers not seeming too perturbed by the situation.
As my addiction to pornography strengthened, major depression took an ever-stronger hold over my life and I began to struggle with feelings of same-sex attraction (SSA). Though I never engaged in any same-sex relationships, I still gave myself over at times to sin and worldly temptation. Only by the grace of God can I say that I stayed (and remain to this day) a virgin who was and is awaiting his bride. By what should have been my senior year of college, I was still unsure of what trajectory I wanted my life to take. I contemplated
By the time I entered my teen years, I began to view pornography and soon developed an addiction. I simply accepted this as something normal. I was not a Christian and did not have any comprehension of sin. Thus, my heart never felt the weight of darkness that is so synonymous with lust. I remained deeply introverted and had few, if any, real friends while in junior high. I mostly kept to myself, though my Mom did her best to encourage me to participate in extracurricular activities—football and choir.
My life was a predictable cycle of loneliness, pornography, and strained familial relationships. 41
transferring universities in order to be away from my home and family and visited several schools as a prospective transfer student. After a period of indecisiveness, I decided to stay at my present university.
Hope’s Hope House Program – an intentional discipleship house with high accountability. At 26 years old, this marked the first occasion in my life I was not residing at home with my Mom and older brothers. However, this time was not without its own trials and pains. My time at the Hope House was marked by emotional regression and increasingly severe depression. In the face of chaos and suicidal ideation, Ricky and Living Hope continued to provide unwavering love and support to me.
At the start of the next spring term, I was inexplicably drawn to a Bible study at the Baptist Student Ministry (BSM). This night in January was, in retrospect, an amazing show of grace by a Lord I hardly knew. I began to attend weekly worship and Bible studies and felt, for the first time in my life, as though I had found an environment in which I could be happy and content. After about a year of weekly attendance, I was still clinging to the secret sin of SSA and pornography. I began to enter into a period of discontent and depression, and consciously worked to rebel against the newfound goodness God brought into my life.
I soon moved to Dallas to be closer to my graduate school and began to regularly attend a gospel-centered church there. In June 2015, I followed the Holy Spirit and decided to publicly commit my life to Christ, with Ricky and several of my Living Hope brothers front and center at my baptism. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and the tutelage of Ricky and Living Hope, I have seen incremental transformation and sanctification take root in my heart and permeate every aspect of my life. I have been transformed from an introverted, socially isolated, addicted, and severely depressed child into a young man entrenched in the gospel. Today, I regularly serve in various roles in my church, including the pre-school ministry, and am regularly involved with a loving, gospelcentered small group. Today, I work in public accounting as a CPA. And today, like so many days, I contemplate with great joy what God has done through Living Hope Ministries! I cannot imagine where my life would be had I not been introduced to Living Hope.
In April 2011, I was assaulted by another man while drinking at a gay bar in Fort Worth. As if that night were not traumatic enough, I was later pulled over and arrested for DWI while trying to drive home. After spending the night in jail, I was picked up by my Mom and taken back home. Over the next few months, I was consumed by the events that had taken place. By early June, I had decided to end my life and attempted to do so. I remember waking up in the hospital the following morning with my Mom again at my side. By the end of that day, I had been transferred to a nearby psychiatric hospital for evaluation and would remain there for about a week. In July, I was introduced to Ricky Chelette and Living Hope Ministries by a friend I had previously met while attending the BSM. When I met Ricky, I was again emotionally destitute and spiritually bankrupt. What vestige of a Christian life I thought I had lived seemed an eternity removed from my current state. At Living Hope, I was brought into an environment rooted in biblical teaching and Christ-centered compassion. I was able to partake in a ministry that sought to bring healing and reconciliation to my life’s difficulties. I was introduced to the most fundamental teachings of the gospel and found myself being shepherded toward sanctification. Ricky invited me into his home for lunch every Sunday. He opened his home and his life to me on Thanksgiving and Christmas. At Living Hope, I came to see what potential exists in relationships founded upon a Christ-like sense of sacrificial giving.
I have been transformed from an introverted, socially isolated, addicted, and severely depressed child into a young man entrenched in the gospel.
At Living Hope I was brought into an environment rooted in biblical teaching and Christcentered compassion Over time, and with the encouragement of Ricky and Living Hope, I completed my undergraduate degree and was encouraged to pursue graduate school. During that initial semester, I accepted an opportunity to participate in Living
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HOW CAN LIVING HOPE MINISTRIES HELP YOU? Living Hope Ministries (LHM) offers a variety of services to help those who struggle with sexual and relational brokenness, gender confusion and homosexuality, as well as support for those who love someone who struggles in these areas.
Support Groups
Education LHM offers free education to churches, universities, seminaries, and communities on understanding homosexuality and gender development as well as how to have a Christ-like, redemptive response to those who are struggling with their sexuality. We also have teachings on sexual addiction, raising gender-healthy children, and a host of customizable teachings on sexual and relational wholeness. For more information or to book one of our staff, please call or email info@livehope.org.
We offer FREE weekly support groups for: • Men • Women • Young Adults (up to 26) • Friends and Family • Wives of men with same-sex attractions All meetings are confidential and a person must go through an intake interview prior to attending the group. Intakes can be arranged by calling our office at 817-459-2507, Monday - Friday, 10a-6p or by emailing us at info@livehope.org. We offer groups at the following campuses:
Intensives Intensives are closed groups, discipleship oriented studies and a fee is charged for this group. They are from 10-20 weeks and offered once per year. Contact us for more information on these closed groups.
• Arlington, TX • Denton, TX • Friendswood, TX If there is no location near you, we duplicate all these groups online through our online support ministry.
Hope House
Retreats
Hope House is a live-in, highly accountable, discipleship house for men ages 18-27 who desire a deeper relationship with Jesus and are dealing with same sex attractions. Individuals will discover who they are in Christ through mentoring, bible study, service, and discipline preparing them to thrive as faithful followers of Jesus, mature Christians, and leaders in the local church. Contact info@livehope.org for more information and costs. A minimum stay of six months is required with a maximum stay of one year to complete the program.
Retreats are concentrated times of exploration, examination, worship, Bible study, and fellowship. Individuals are encouraged to experience God in deep and personal ways that are often transformational. • Thursday through Sunday retreat for young adults (18-26) in the Spring. • Friday through Sunday retreat for adults 27+ in the Spring. Participants must be active members of LHM in-house or online to participate, and must agree to the conduct and
Mentoring
confidentiality agreements of Living Hope Ministries.
Pastoral mentoring/counseling is offered on a limited basis for those with same sex attractions or gender confusion and their family members. You must call or email for an appointment.
Online Support LHM offers the world’s largest, FREE, moderated, online support forums, open 24/7. Individuals must complete an application online and be approved to participate. Our online support mirrors our in-house group offerings.
Online Resources Visit our website for articles, testimonies, resources and products at www.livehope.org. Also download our free Living Hope Ministries app for all platforms.
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