Issue 1, Volume 3: December '14/January '15

in this issue

december '14/January '15 - volume 3, issue 1 1 Cover 3 in this issue in the news: 6 national 7 international

8 Celebrity news out on li: 9 network news out front: 10 lisa kudrow out and about: 13 imusic: Holiday music Buffet

14 Judith light 16 Holiday DvD gift guide calendar 20 Be scene: 6th annual long island glbt expo living healthy: 23 parenting: adopting an hiv+ Child 24 wellness: Healthy holiday eating living smart: 25 recipes: (Healthy) Holiday Desserts 28 finance: Scams to watch out for this holiday season

living out WOULD LIKE TO WISH YOU A happy and healthy neW year.

WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN 2015. happy holidays!

28 finance: rebouding after the holidays

Living Out is produced

by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network

David Kilmnick, Publisher info@livingoutli.org

20 Crossways Park Dr. N., Suite 110 Woodbury, NY 11797 516.323.0011

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Become a fan on Facebook at facebook. com/livingoutli or follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/livingoutli

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Contributors Chris Azzopardi, Belo Cipriani, Chris McNamee, Mike Murphy, Rev. Irene Monroe, Jennifer Nyx, Rachel Roth, Gregg Shapiro

Cover Photo Gilles Toucas

30 op-ed: echoes of the aids hysteria 31 Seeing in the dark: Motherly wisdom

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in the news

national News

By Rachel Roth

Marriage Equality Update:

Missouri to Appeal Marriage Equality Ruling Missouri Attorney General Chris Koster (below)announced last week that his office will appeal a ruling by a federal judge that struck down the state’s gay marriage ban. U.S. District Judge Ortrie Smith, a Clinton appointee, determined Missouri’s prohibition on marriage for same-sex couples violates their rights to due process and equal protection under the Fourteenth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.

The future for florida

A federal appeals court has ruled to lift the stay in Florida's case on same-sex marriage. In August, a federal judge declared the state's ban unconstitutional but a court clerk in Washington County along with secretaries of the Florida Department of Health and Department of Management Services requested a stay.

The 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled against extending the stay and, barring further legal opposition, same-sex couples could marry in Florida beginning January 6th.

Following Montana, Florida could be the 36th state to allow, and recognize, gay marriages.

same-sex Marriage Chaos in Kansas The United States Supreme Court has ruled that same-sex marriages can continue in Kansas. It rejected the suspension that a local district court had granted. An application for a stay was presented to Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor but was denied.

State officials who have been battling to maintain the ban on same-sex marriage

north/South Carolina Marriage troubles A federal judge struck down South Carolina’s ban on gay marriages on Nov. 12, a stay of the ruling was put in place until Nov. 20, to give the state time to appeal – which Attorney General Alan Wilson announced he plans to do. While marriages have begun, Wilson has filed a motion with the U.S. Supreme Court for an emergency stay on the ruling.

A state judge has also ruled against the ban. Koster said he would not seek a stay of the ruling and at least one county in the state has begun issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Six magistrates in North Carolina have left their posts since two judges ruled that the voter-passed Constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage was unconstitutional. Rather than upholding the law and performing marriages, the magistrates have left their posts. The ban was struck down on Oct. 10.

church changings:

replied to the ruling by insinuating that it could only apply to the counties in which the plaintiffs came from. Doug Bonney, the legal director of American Civil Liberties Union in Kansas believes that the federal order applies across the state.

Kansas is the 33rd state to legalize samesex marriage.

4 states cases heading to the supreme court

Couples from the Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, and Tennessee marriage cases are seeking Supreme Court review of the decision of the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals to uphold the states’ bans on same-marriages.

The ruling reversed lower-court decisions in all four of the states keeping gay marriage bans in place.

Anti-GLBT Cardinal Sinks in Church Hierarchy

Pope Francis has moved conservative American Cardinal Raymond Burke (below) from his post on the Vatican’s highest court to a largely ceremonial position of patron of the Knights of Malta, a move Catholic Church observers see as evidence of the institution’s changing social attitudes.

The 66-year old Burke has criticized Francis’ leadership, particularly his openness to a more inclusive environment for gays and lesbians.

archBishop criticizes Policy Changes at Universities The archbishop of Omaha criticized Creighton University (above) in Nebraska for extending health benefits to the same-sex spouses of university employees. Archbishop George Lucas characterized the shift as a tacit endorsement of marriage 6

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equality. “I am dismayed that the recommendation of the University Benefits Committee is thought to supersede divine law regarding marriage,” Lucas said in a statement. The University of Notre Dame announced a similar change in October.

>> read more at livingoutli.org

Houston officials resist ruling on same-sex benefits A Texas judge ordered the city of Houston to stop offering benefits to same-sex spouses of city officials.

According to city officials, the order will not take effect since a federal judge already has ruled that the benefits should be extended, ABC-affiliate KTRK-TV reported.

In Dallas, however, voters approved a referendum to amend the city charter to include protections for GLBT city employees. More than three-quarters of voters supported the referendum. Dallas already prohibits GLBT discrimination against city workers in its equal employment opportunity policy.

R.i. simplifies process for changing birth certificates It is now easier for transgender men and women to change their birth certificates in Rhode Island. The Providence Journal reported that new regulations went into effect on Nov. 11 that allow a gender marker change based on a medical provider’s certification that the individual has undergone surgical

and/or hormone treatment “or other treatment appropriate for the individual.” Previously, the Rhode Island Department of Health essentially required gender reassignment surgery in order to change the gender designation on a birth certificate.

Trans army employee faced discrimination, report says A report released by the U.S. Office of Special Counsel found that the Department of the Army engaged in discrimination against Tamara Lusardi, a transgender civilian employee and veteran.

Lusardi was barred from using the restroom for

international News

her gender and was repeatedly referred to with male pronouns, the report noted.

The Army has since agreed to implement sensitivity training.

Gay, Lesbian Couples win rights to adopt in Utah

Utah’s Supreme Court lifted a stay that prevented the state Department of Health from issuing birth certificates to same-sex couples adopting children. The stay was put in place in May after several district judges ordered that the birth certificates be issued.

The state dropped its legal fight over adoption rights for gay and lesbian couples after the Supreme Court declined to review rulings allowing same-sex marriage in a number of states, including Utah.

By Rachel Roth

GLBT Couple Circumvent russian marriage laws

Lamda Legal Challenges Puerto Rico’s Marriage Ban

Malaysia Court Rules in Favor of Transgender Rights

A lesbian couple got married in Russia and it’s believed to be the country’s first same-sex marriage.

The women were able to wed in a country known for its Draconian anti-LGBT legislation because one was born male but lives as a woman and is undergoing hormone therapy, Agence France-Presse reported.

Lambda Legal appealed a ruling by a federal judge in Puerto Rico that upheld the commonwealth’s ban on same-sex marriage. The motion for appeal was filed with the 1st U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Boston a week after U.S. District Judge Juan Perez-Gimenez ruled in favor of Puerto Rico’s ban.

A three-judge panel unanimously ruled in Malaysia that a ban on cross-dressing is discriminatory, overturning a Sharia rule that was in place in the Negeri Sembilan state. The court called the law “degrading.”

Malaysian Deputy Prime Minister Muhyiddin Yassin called for a review of the ruling, as did the Minister of Islamic affairs Jamil Khir Baharom.

In related news, a memorial to the late Apple founder Steve Jobs, which resembled a giant iPhone, was taken down in St. Petersburg, in part due to Apple CEO’s Tim Cook’s announcement that he is gay.

Armenian Activists’ Suit Dismissed A court in the Armenian capital of Yerevan dismissed a suit against the editor of a newspaper who published an article in May naming more than 50 “homosexual lobbyists” as part of a “blacklist of [the] country’s and nation’s enemies.” The suit was brought by 16 of those named, including Mamikon Hovsepyan, head of the LGBT organization PINK Armenia.

The article, which was titled; “They serve the interests of international homosexual lobbying: the blacklist of country’s and nation’s enemies,” called for the people named to be ostracized and fired from their jobs.

-- international news continued on page 8 ->> read more at livingoutli.org

Cuba’s Bid to Host GLBT Conference Not Without Controversy Critics are calling foul on Cuba’s efforts to host an annual GLBT conference in 2016, arguing that the sentiments “lack merit” given the country’s poor record on human rights. “In Cuba there are no rights for the GLBT community or for anyone else,” Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, R-Fla., said, calling the effort “unconscionable,” the Washington Blade reported.

According to the article, Cuban GLBT rights advocates who are associated with the country’s National Center for Sex Education (CENESEX) – of which Mariela Castro Espín, daughter of Cuban President Raúl Castro, is director – made an elaborate pitch during the ILGA World Conference in Mexico City. It featured several video clips of events associated with the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia that took place throughout Cuba in May. living out

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in the news

international News

By Rachel Roth

Slovak Court Advances Anti-GLBT Referendum Slovakia’s Constitutional Court allowed a referendum on the rights of GLBT citizens to proceed to a popular vote. The referendum identifies marriage as between a man and a woman and addresses same-sex couples’ right to adopt, and proposes an opt-out option for sexuality education.

New Zealand could expunge homosexuality convictions Officials in New Zealand are considering wiping the criminal records of men convicted under an antihomosexuality law that became obsolete in 1986.

Justice Minister Amy Adams, who recently assumed

the post, signaled a willingness to discuss the convictions telling the Dominion Post that expunging the records was “a good thing to do, because the law as it used to be was grossly wrong.”

celebrity News

Colin Farrell opens up about gay brother, advice from bette midler to drag in open letter to his native ireland queens looking to pay her tribute In an open letter published in Ireland's Sunday World magazine, Colin Farrell spoke out in defense of same-sex marriage in his native Ireland. Farrell speaks fondly of his brother Eamon, describing him as "always proud...defiant and, of course, provocative," to which he adds, "only love in action can stamp out the wilting toxicity of the intolerant among us."

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He goes on to say that the "referendum [on same sex marriage rights] is a chance for us to arise. To wake up to the conviction tha true love from the heart of one being to another cares not for the colour, nor the creed, nor the gender of who it choses to share that path with."

Ireland is said to be holding its referendum on same-sex marriage in May 2015.

The Divine Miss M recently sat for an interview with PrideSource Magazine's Chris Azzopardi to discuss her sizeable gay fan base.

just...ordinary friends." The singeractress tells aspiring drag queens to start with "a really good pair of shoes" and "a serious undergarment," but notes, "if your panties fall down all around your feet... keep on singing."

Midler, 68, says it "never occurred" to her not to stand up on behalf of the community, she had "been in theater She herself has been called a drag queen and finds it to be a 'supreme for a long time...and [had] always compliment.' known gay people and they were

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Victory! LGBT-Friendly Senior Housing moves another Step Forward

Suffolk County legislature votes 17-0

The Long Island GLBT Network's (The Network's) LGBT and LGBT-Friendly Affordable Senior Housing moved another step forward on November 18th. The Suffolk County Legislature passed a resolution authorizing the County to begin planning steps for implementation of The Network's Senior Housing Program. The resolution was introduced by Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone and was passed unanimously by a vote of 17-0.

The Network's LGBT Senior Affordable Housing Program will fill a major gap for LGBT seniors by providing affordable, safe housing and life-saving programs on-site. The program is set to be the first in the New

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York tri-state area, the fifth in the entire country and the first to be located in the suburbs.

The development will have 50 housing units and will be anchored by a brand new, 6,000 square-foot, state-of-the-art LGBT center for The Network.

The Network plans to build on the current site of its Center at Bay Shore and adjoining properties. A full range of health, recreational, nutrition, social, cultural and other programs will be provided.

out on li

6th annual Long Island GLBT Expo draws large crowd Thousands of people spent Sunday, November 9th with the Long Island GLBT Network (The Network) as it put on the 6th Annual Long Island GLBT Expo.

"Thousands of people had the opportunity to connect with over 60 GLBT-friendly businesses," says Jonathan Chenkin, Development Officer for Business and Corporate Relations and lead planner of this year's Expo.

"From pet adoptions to hotels to healthcare to entertainment services, there was something for everyone at this year's event," Chenkin adds.

But perhaps the biggest draw for this year's event was Hollywood gossip blogger Perez Hilton. As part of the day-long entertainment, Perez chatted with attendees, posed for pictures and signed everything from name badges to t-shirts.

Businesses handed out informational materials and free samples, attracting attendees to their booths with cupcakes, drinks, snacks and even duck confit.

"The Long Island GLBT Expo is a great opportunity for businesses to connect with the GLBT community," said David Kilmnick, Chief Executive Officer of The Network, "Every year we hear how much fun people have when they attend the Expo and how they were able to make connections with the services they need."

To see more photos from the Expo, turn to page 20.

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out Front

A Comeback to Cherish Lisa Kudrow on Valerie’s return, ‘superhuman’ gays and the future of Romy and Michele

An Interview By Chris Azzopardi

Photos Courtesy of HBO and Gilles Toucas

T

en years without our favorite cupcakewearing gonzo, Valerie Cherish, is 10 years too long. But the wait’s over. You were heard.

A decade after The Comeback first premiered, the hilariously cringe-y HBO trailblazer that lasted just one season in 2005 – and starred Lisa Kudrow as Val, a D-lister reaching for (everything underneath) the stars – returns to the network with the Friends actress back as our beloved hot mess.

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Lisa, you don’t know how tempting it is to say “hello” three times to you right now. How often do people quote Valerie in your presence? And how often are they gay men?

(Laughs) Frequently and frequently. You know who the next group is after gay men?

College students.

Are you surprised by that?

I was surprised… until I got used to it! But it’s fantastic.

That’s really thrilling, and then it struck me: “Well, of course! They grew up with Housewives of everywhere, and people humiliating themselves on reality TV.” When The Comeback first came out, I think that gay men were the only ones who were like, “Yes. I understand. I get it. It’s great, and I understand.” (Laughs) You know, those are the people I care about the most – the people who really loved the show. That was my only fear after it was all done.

Doing it, writing it, shooting it, it was, “Yeah, this is right, this is right.” Then afterwards, “Uh oh, what if it’s not?”

When it comes to Valerie Cherish, what is it about her exactly that we gay men are so drawn to?

I’ve been asking myself that too – not cause it’s a mystery, but I wonder why. I was watching Will & Grace once and there was this hilarious episode where Karen’s at a theater and she throws her flask and it hits someone in the head, and there’s this joke that gay men wouldn’t care because, “Eh, all in a day.” (Laughs) Getting, like, smacked with something is “all in a day.” So I wonder if that’s what it is – because Valerie gets, you know, humiliated – or humiliates herself – all the time. And it’s like, “Yeah, well, that’s the world.”

The other thing that I love about Valerie is, “All right, someone said something not nice, but you know what, can’t use that. Got this other thing I gotta do.” She just ignores that that happened and keeps going.

That’s what it is too: She perseveres.

Completely perseveres! You can agree with her goal or not,

but she’s got it and nothing is getting in her way. There’s something admirable about that; there just is. Except, you know, she’s willing to put up with a lot.

When was it first apparent to you that gays were on board with The Comeback?

Did you know instantly?

Yeah, pretty much. (The Comeback co-creator) Michael Patrick King said, “You understand how this will go: First it’s gonna be the gays, then the women, then everyone else.”

RuPaul makes a cameo in the pilot episode…

I know. Oh my god – so good!

This means that Valerie could appear as a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race, right?

You know, I’ve been asked to, but I don’t know how Valerie works on a talk show or as a judge. I don’t know. I’m thinking about it. I’m trying to figure out how it works. I don’t wanna say no!

And you obviously shouldn’t.

All I’m saying is that I see many opportunities for you

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out Front to say, “Note to self: I don’t need to see that!”

(Laughs) But she could say all kinds of – I don’t know what we’re allowed to (say on Drag Race). I mean, she’s indelicate and gets things wrong and, you know, I don’t know how offensive she’s gonna be.

Valerie is surrounded by gays, and so much of your career has been gay adjacent. You did Happy Endings. You turned Meryl Streep into a gay conversion therapist for Web Therapy.

And then, of course, there’s The Comeback. Are you as immersed in the gay community as your career would lead us to believe?

Yes and no. The people I work with are gay. I don’t know who I’m going to offend by leaving them out, but I need to say that I think gay men are superior beings in my mind. I do believe that.

I would love to hear why.

It’s all so tricky. I studied biology and the brains are anatomically different. They just are. There’s a stronger connection with the corpus callosum (in gay men).

The two sides of the brain communicate better than a straight man’s, and I think that has to be really important.

They’re not women – they’re still men – and women also have thicker corpus callosums, so I think it’s the combination of those qualities that makes them like a superhuman to me.

Even more apparent during this season of The Comeback is the inherent commentary on celebrity culture and age and gender discrimination.

When it comes to ageism in the industry – the fact that there are so many talented older actresses not getting starring roles – what do you hope The Comeback accomplishes in spotlighting that issue?

I don’t know what to say about that. It’s something that just is. I think it’s gonna be a much longer process. I’m really not a revolutionary-type personality, you know what I mean? I’m not the activist type, but mmm, my god. I’m really bad at this – communicating this stuff. But we still… we still… (Laughs) Women still

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have a different place in our society, and it’s changing slowly but it’s still real slow.

Because we’re so interested in the male audience more than the female audience, the requirement for women in entertainment is that she turn men on. That really hasn’t changed much.

That’s particularly the focus of the third episode when – spoiler alert – you simulate oral sex on Seth Rogen.

Right! And then you have the two (completely naked) girls standing there for an uncomfortably long time.

Did it feel uncomfortable for you on set?

Well, the girls seemed OK. But, you know, (it’s) always just about making sure everyone’s being treated with respect, right?

Have you ever experienced the ageism that Val experiences in your own career? Roles you didn’t get because of your age?

Not that I know of. I don’t know how to put it, but one of my biggest failings is that I accept things the way they are, and then I just try to adapt.

I think it’s incredible people who say, “No, no. It doesn’t have to be this way, though.”

It’s like, “Oh. Well, wow.”

Did you have anyone in mind when you created the character?

No, not one person, because it’s an amalgam of people – men and women.

What do you have in common with Val? Well, a lot. I think I do have a thing where, if something negative is happening and it’s not serving me, then I’m really not gonna let it in and address it because I gotta keep going. If something’s happening that’s negative, I try to think, “What’s OK about this?” so that I don’t get distracted by having to do something about that.

Which is exactly a Val characteristic.

Right. And then it’s just exaggerated and heightened in her.

Could you ever imagine turning your own life into a reality show?

No. (Laughs) The closest I came was doing an episode of Who Do You Think You Are?

Do you watch reality shows?

Are you a fan at all?

I do watch them. They’re so fascinating to me. I like Top Chef, Project Runway – still like that. I watch America’s Next Top Model. And then I watch the Housewives. I watch certain Housewives of places.

I am fascinated with the level of criticism young people can handle. I could not have handled it. I think I would’ve shriveled up in a ball, so on one level I really admire the Teflon part of them that’s able to say, “OK. Thank you.

Good note.” I constantly try to work against that judgmental part of me, and it’s not (easy), especially when it’s the judgmental part that gives you your sense of humor.

And all this is research for The Comeback, of course.

Well, yeah, I can’t really say that. (Laughs) It’s not research, but I am fascinated. I also do have this other theory that, thanks to those Housewives, we finally do have a point of

Have you worked with someone like Valerie Cherish?

Yes! These people exist.

There were people who were like, “Oh, I think I know who this is,” and the answer is, “You don’t know who this is, because this isn’t one person.”

reference for how women behave. We need to. It can’t just be reasonable, good behavior, because that’s how we depict the downtrodden so that no one thinks we’re sexist or racist, so you end up with all of these subgroups in our society that have to be dull. They’re not allowed to have any flaws, otherwise whoever wrote (that depiction) is accused of having bad feelings about them. To me, living out

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out front

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 14 that’s when things are finally OK – when everyone’s allowed to have flaws depicted in entertainment.

Mira Sorvino recently brought up a sequel to Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. What are your thoughts on one, and do you think it’ll happen at this point?

I have no idea. Robin Schiff wrote and produced Romy and Michele, and we all did get together years ago with a great idea: Romy and Michele Get Married. And yeah, Disney wasn’t interested in it at the time. Now, I don’t know what it would be. My worry is, you know, wouldn’t it involve plastic surgery? (Laughs) With a sequel like Romy and Michele Get Married, does that mean they end up being lesbian lovers because of the pact they made to marry each other in the original?

No, they’re not, but that’s always the other meaning.

Because that’s the relationship.

That is the relationship. But I think by now it’d have to be Romy and Michele Get Divorced… Again.

In the spirit of the meta show a la The Comeback, if you could play a version of yourself playing Phoebe from Friends years later, what would that character be like?

Well, I did play a version of myself playing Phoebe.

(Laughs) Phoebe is a version of myself. Valerie’s a version. And Fiona Wallice (of Web Therapy) is a version. And, well, Michele Weinberger is not a version, I have to say. I don’t know. I have a feeling if Phoebe had to be revisited, she’d be closer to me.

Why do you say that?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna see a woman my age saying “floopy,” trying to be cute. No, uh-uh. It’s too Baby Jane.

Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

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SUNDAY MARCH 22 • 3PM For more information visit www.TheTheatreAtWestbury.com Box Office Open Monday-Saturday 12:30PM-5:30PM

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out and about holiday Music

by gregg shapiro

IMUSIC: HOLIDAY MUSIC BUFFET One of Robin Williams’ last films before his untimely 2014 passing (let’s hope it’s better than The Angriest Man in Brooklyn), A Merry Friggin’ Christmas might be saved by the possibility of a shirtless Joel McHale. A Merry Friggin’ Christmas: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (Lakeshore) has a few things going for it. It opens and closes with a pair of songs performed by Rufus Wainwright – “It’s The Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and the original “Christmas Is For Kids.”

The Belle Brigade, featuring out singer Barbara Gruska, performs the original “Going Home For Christmas.” Nice Jewish boy Ben Kweller rocks the house with his rendition of “Here Comes Santa Claus” and draws on his Texas roots in the original “Try To Love (Joy to the World).” Other holiday highlights include “The Weather Outside”

by Spence Shapeero, “Best Time of the Year” by Alex Rhodes and “More Than I Wished For” by FM Radio

If variety is your thing when it comes to holiday music, check out The Classic Christmas Pop Album (Legacy).

Depending on how you define “pop,” The Classic Christmas Pop Album might be a little confusing. The inclusion of songs by “boy band” types such as Metro Station (a cover of Wham’s “Last Christmas”), Big Time Rush (covering Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You”), NKOTB (“The Christmas Song”), B2K (“Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”) and Menudo (doing Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas”). But by the time you get to Los Lonely Boys (singing Jose Feliciano’s “Feliz Navidad”), Mew, Glasvegas and Phantom Planet, you might think someone spiked your holiday punch.

If your tastes run towards downhome home-cooking, you have plenty to choose from this holiday season, beginning with An Americana Christmas (New West).

The 16-track compilation features a fantastic array of performers from young upstarts such as Nikkie Lane (“Falalalalove Ya”) and Valerie June (“Winter Wonderland”) to more established acts such as Emmylou Harris (“The First Noel”), John Prine (“Everything Is Cool”), Bob Dylan (“Must Be Santa”) and Dwight Yoakam (“Run Run Rudolph”).

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Celtic Thunder, a vocal group in the tradition of the Celtic Tenors and Celtic Woman, enter the festival fray with Holiday Symphony (Legacy). A mostly serious effort including “Gabriel’s Message,” “Mary Did You Know?,” “Away In A Manger” and “Gaudete,” Celtic Thunder exhibits a lighter side on the five-song “Christmas Medley,” and wraps it up with a completely unexpected cover of the Pogue’s “Fairytale of New York,” even going as far as revising the song’s original homophobic content.

Cowpunk pioneer Jason Ringenberg (of Jason and the Nashville Scorchers fame) shifted gears at the early part of the 21st century, like other rocking daddies (including Ralph Cover aka Ralph’s World), and became a purveyor of cool kids’ music under the Farmer Jason moniker. Maintaining his trademark twang, Christmas on the Farm with Farmer Jason (Courageous Chicken) features familiar songs such as “Jingle Bells,” "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and “Up On the Housetop.” Where the disc really accelerates is on clever cuts including “All I Want For Christmas (Is A Punk Rock Skunk),” “Santa Drove a Big John Deere” and “Eat Your Fruitcake.” Christmas on the Farm is fun for the whole family, chosen and biological!

The 11-song compilation The Classic Christmas Hard Rock Album (Legacy) serves up a meaty array of heavier holiday music arrangements.

Rock guitar gods such as Jeff Beck (“Amazing Grace”), Steve Vai (Vince Guaraldi’s “Christmas Time Is Here”) and Joe Satriani (“Silent Night/Holy Night Jam”). Halford, queer Judas Priest front-man Rob Halford’s side project, rocks the hardest of any performer on the disc, while the presence of Ted Nugent is an insult to the other musicians included here.

Looking to put some soul food into your holiday diet? Earth, Wind & Fire has been on the comeback trail for a few years and completes the circuit with the funky and festive Holiday (Legacy). Still brassy and soulful after all these years, EWF brings the joy and the funk to “Joy To The World” and “Winter Wonderland.” The group shows off its worldly side with a version of the Japanese song “Snow.” The disc closes, fittingly, “December,” a reinvention of “September,” co-written with Allee Willis. living out

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out and about

Giving Shelly Her Glow

An Interview with Judith Light of Transparent

by Gregg Shapiro Easily the most talked about new series of the fall 2014 season, Transparent (available through Amazon Prime) is, in a word, triumphant. Series creator Jill Soloway (Afternoon Delight, Six Feet Under and The United States of Tara) has created a show that transcends labels, effortlessly blurring the lines between comedy and drama. The story of Mort (Jeffrey Tambor), a divorced father of three who is in the process of transitioning from male to female, from Mort to Maura, Transparent stars one of the most inspired and brilliant ensemble casts in recent memory, including Amy Landecker, Jay Duplass and Gaby Hoffman, as Maura’s adult children.

Tambor is phenomenal in this role of a lifetime. Equally riveting is Judith Light, a familiar face to TV viewers from her years in soap operas, sitcoms and primetime dramas, as Maura’s ex-wife Shelly. Shelly, remarried to Ed (Lawrence Pressman), a man with Alzheimer’s, remains a strong presence in the lives of her dysfunctionally delightful family, and has a way of drawing the viewer’s attention every time she appears on-screen. That’s to the credit of Light, who has undergone what can best be described as her own physical transformation to portray Shelly.

I spoke with Ms. Light about the show, her character and her longtime support of the LGBT community in October 2014.

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What was it about the character of Shelly Pfefferman that attracted you to playing her in Transparent?

I think she’s one of the most fascinating characters that I’ve ever gotten a chance to play. She’s written magnificently. She’s created brilliantly by Jill Soloway. I was going to get to be with my longtime friend Jeffrey Tambor. We were going to get to do this together. I knew about Amy Landecker and Jay Duplass and Gaby Hoffman’s work. I just knew it was going to be an incredible experience. It wasn’t just the character. It was all of those other things. Plus the fact that Amazon Prime had picked it up and they were so supportive. It was really a slam dunk for me. I desperately wanted to play this part.

I’m really glad you mentioned Jill. Were you a fan of her work, including Six Feet Under and The United States of Tara, before coming to work on Transparent?

Oh my, yes! Don’t forget the movie Afternoon Delight! She won best director at Sundance in 2013 for that movie.

I interviewed her about that movie when it opened. It is a wonderful film.

Yes, I’m a huge fan of hers.

The first time you appeared on screen as Shelly, I was blown away by what I would describe as the physical transformation that had taken place. More than just slapping on a grey wig and a pair of glasses, your entire body was involved in the becoming the character. Can you please say something about the process you went through to become Shelly?

First of all, you are probably one of the few who have noticed that. I want to say thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it. When you take on a character and they move into your body, it’s not always the easiest thing and not everybody notices it. So I’m very grateful to you for that. I actually don’t know how to answer that question. It’s funny, Jill and I were talking about this. She asked me, “What happens to you?” I do a lot of homework on a role and Jill and I have talked a lot about this.

All of us on the team worked with this woman named Joan Scheckel who worked with us on the emotional connections we all had as a family, which is why it feels so much like family when you watch the show. Something happened to me in that process where I felt her come through me.

I didn’t do a lot of intellectual work on it; I did a lot of experiential and connection with the other people who worked on it

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and she just began to come through as we worked in that process, in that way, doing Joan Scheckel’s work. Also, Jill was always guiding me. She did that with everybody.

Something was happening and I don’t even know how to define it. Thank you for noticing!

What are the challenges and rewards of playing a Jewish mother?

The humor. Oh, my God! I had someone text me the other night who said they had just watched the second episode.

[Quoting a line about a carryout] “Who changed the standing order?” [laughs].

Don’t you know that that mother knows how much everything weighs? It doesn’t get any better than that. You have to have brilliant writers to get that. The joy of that is so special. This is a basis of where this family comes from. There is so much love and support and connection. But there is also this kind of…when someone chooses to become so incredibly authentic and courageous, what does this family do with that? (These) people are incredibly expressive. But they are also, in their own very interesting ways, they are very scared of what happens when Maura throws this curveball to the family. Being a Jewish family, they deal with it in very particular ways.

Speaking of connections, you have a longstanding supportive and wonderful relationship with the LGBT community. Was that another reason you wanted to become involved with this project?

Very, very much. When Jill and I had this 45 minute Skype call, we talked about the show, we talked about my longtime connection with Jeffrey and how much we liked each other’s work. But the real conversation about our LGBTQ activism was so important to why I wanted to do this.

out and about

I’ve been on Broadway for the last four years and I’ve not been in California. I’ve been choosing my television projects very judiciously and carefully. I said to my longtime manager of 34 years that this would bring me back to California. This is the one; because Jill was talking about it.

Before every rehearsal and every reading, we would talk about how grateful we are to get to be able to show this kind of story and how grateful we felt to Amazon Prime for being willing to do this story – their level of support.

This has the opportunity to change the culture in exponential ways. To start

As you mentioned, the humor makes something so difficult much easier to experience and to bear.

Exactly! Also, because there’s so much heart, and there’s so much heart and humor in the Jewish community, you see the physicality we have with each other.

We’re not afraid to grab each other, hug each other, kiss each other, touch each other. I think you see this heart connection.

removing the levels we have in the world in very powerful ways, in dramatic, humorous, deeply connected, fabulous ways. We talk about how the gay community has educated the world and shown the world about sexuality. It’s the transgender community that is educating the world about gender identity and gender fluidity. It’s something we don’t talk about and as a society we don’t know about.

I’ve been on the board of the Point Foundation, which gives scholarships to LGBTQ youth who are marginalized because of their sexuality, and we have a very high percentage of trans youth who we give scholarships to. They have educated us about this very issue. This is going to be something that will take us into the next arena. I think it’s the next step in understanding ourselves as human beings and ridding the world of bigotry.

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out and about

Holiday Dvd’s

by gregg shapiro

Channel Surfers Delight: Holiday DVD/Blu-ray Gift Guide Animation Appreciation There has never been or will never be anyone else like Pee-Wee Herman, the most animated human to ever grace Saturday morning TV. The ingenious creation of comedian and writer Paul Reubens, man-child Pee-Wee Herman appealed to both kids and adults. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse: The Complete Series (Shout Factory), which premiered on CBS in 1986, running for five years, was like watching all previous kids’ show hosts, such as Captain Kangaroo, Soupy Sales and Shari Lewis on an acid trip.

Pee-Wee shared his playhouse with a variety of puppets, as well as live characters including Cowboy Curtis (Laurence Fishburne), Captain Carl (the late Phil Hartman), postal employee Reba (S. Epatha Mrkerson), Miss Yvonne, the most beautiful woman in Puppetland (Lynne Marie Stewart) and the usually shirtless Playhouse lifeguard Tito (Roland Rodriguez), who brought more than a little homoerotic tension to the show. The show also made good use of claymation and featured vintage cartoons. The digitally re-mastered eight-disc Blu-ray set includes brand-new interviews with members of the cast and crew.

Newly reissued and expanded in a 50th anniversary collector’s edition, the 1964 Rankin/Bass stop motion animation classic Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (Classic Media) includes a “Holly Jolly Sing Along,” a video “Pop-Up Book” and more, among its bonus features. The show itself features seven songs by Johnny Marks, with narration by Burl Ives. A favorite of outcasts around the globe for its representation of the misfit triumph of radiant reindeer Rudolph (voice by Billie Mae Richards) and “different” elf Hermey (voiced by Paul Soles), Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer is the kind of gift of which Santa would approve.

(Far left) Pee-Wee Herman in PeeWee's PlayhouseL The Complete Series (Left) Hermey and Rudolph from Rudoplh The Red-Nosed Reindeer (Right) Cartoon Network: Holiday Collection

Cartoon Network: Holiday Collection (CN/WB) is comprised of four holiday-themed cartoons, plus two bonus episodes. The two-part “Holly-Jolly Secrets” episode of Pendleton Ward’s Adventure Time, featuring Finn the human (voiced by Jeremy Shada), Jake the dog (voiced by John DiMaggio), Beemo the electronic device (voiced

by Niki Yang), the Ice King (voiced by Tom Kenny) and others, attempts to explain the history of the winter holiday season. Revenge-seeking elf Quillgin (voiced

by Thomas Haden Church) tries to kill Santa Claus (voiced by Ed Asner) who put the kibosh on the dark magic gift he invented resulting in the end of Christmas forever in JG Quintel’s Regular Show episode “The Christmas Special.” The DVD also includes the “Christmas” episode of The Amazing World of Gumball, the “Monkey Broom Wizard” episode of Clarence and Steven Universe’s “Together Breakfast” episode.

The Sight and Sound of Music The 2013 Swedish film We Are The Best!

(Magnolia), written and directed by Lucas Moodysson, is set in Stockholm during the early 1980s. The film stars Mira Barkhammar, Mira Grosin and Liv LeMoyne as Bobo, Klara and Hedvig, respectively, three adolescent girl misfits, who want to form a all-female punk band as a way to express themselves and give meaning to their changing lives. In Swedish with English subtitles, the DVD contains no bonus material.

Hosted by Richard Pryor, the May 1983 NBC broadcast of Motown 25: Yesterday·Today·Forever (StarVista/ Time-Life), featured performances by Michael Jackson (and the debut of his trademark moonwalk dance moves) solo and with his brothers, Diana Ross (solo and with the Supremes), Stevie Wonder, Smokey Robinson, Lionel Richie, Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, Four Tops and others. Tacky choreography 16

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by The Lester Williams Dancers aside, the music lover on your list will dig the three-DVD Motown 25, including rehearsal and reunion discs.

The six-DVD set The Midnight Special (StarVista/TimeLife) compiles almost 100 live performances by a mind-blowing array of musical superstars, from its 1972 pilot to early 1979. Hosted for many years by Helen Reddy, and featuring the voice of Wolfman Jack, the program presented multiple queer performers, and several acts with queer appeal, such as Village People, Janis Ian, Blondie, LaBelle, Rufus with Chaka Khan, Neil Sedaka, Linda Ronstadt and Aretha Franklin. The set includes more than an hour’s worth of bonus material, such as artist interviews, as well as a few featurettes.

If you only know the late Merv Griffin as a TV talk show host, then you don’t know Merv Griffin. Griffin had a recording and singing career, in addition to hosting and creating game shows. The 12-disc set The Merv Griffin Show: 1962-1986 (Reelin’ In the Years/MPI) features numerous musical performances by the guests on Griffin’s popular talk show, including Dionne Warwick, Lionel Hampton, Everly Brothers, Isaac Hayes, Staple Singers, John Denver, Loretta Lynn, June Carter Cash, Carole King and Whitney Houston. Griffin, whose sexuality remains a topic of debate, had numerous queer and queer-friendly guests on his show including Andy Warhol & Edie Sedgwick, Roddy McDowall, Tallulah Bankhead, Moms Mabley, Rex Reed, Clive Davis and Joan Rivers.

(Top left) Bobo, Kiara and Hedvig in We Are The Best! (Top right) The Midnight Special Box Set (Left) Diana Ross performs in Motown 25: Yesterday•Today•Forever (Right) The Merv Griffin Show: 1962-1986

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out and about Serious About Series Created by openly gay, award-winning writer/director Alan Ball, True Blood has been one of the queerest shows on TV since it premiered on HBO in 2008. To the dismay of its loyal followers, the series came to an end as you can see in the Blu-Ray disc True Blood: The Complete Seventh Season (HBO Home Entertainment), the bloody perfect gift for anyone who can’t enough of the Stackhouse sibs, queer Anna Pacquin as Sookie and flawless Ryan Kwanten as Jason, as well as the rest of the residents, alive and undead, in their Southern Louisiana hometown.

Long before Golden Globe Award-winner Steve Buscemi was the ruthless and corrupt New Jersey politician Enoch “Nucky” Thompson on Boardwalk Empire, he played the unforgettable Nick, a gay man with AIDS in the late Bill Sherwood’s groundbreaking 1986 film Parting Glances. Currently, Boardwalk Empire is wrapping up its final season on HBO, but if you missed anything previously or have someone on your holiday list who would appreciate a memento of the show, Boardwalk Empire: The Complete Fourth Season (HBO Home Entertainment) is available in a four DVD set.

The Mad Men (and Jon Hamm) fans on your holiday list have plenty of time to catch up with the triple disc DVD+Digital Mad Men: The Final Season Part 1 (Lionsgate) before the second set of final episodes begin airing on AMC in the spring of 2015. The show has had its share of queer characters over the years (remember gay actor Bryan Batt’s Sal Romano?) and now that the swinging ‘60s are central to the story perhaps there will be more of a gay presence on the show, especially with the Stonewall Riot looming in the distance.

Regarded by many to be one of the most important and influential cable series of all time, David Chase’s The Sopranos made a huge star of the late James Gandolfini (in the lead as Tony Soprano), gave a massive boost to the career of Edie Falco (as his long-suffering wife Carmela), and brought the mob into the 21st century. The 26-disc, 86 episode The Sopranos: The Complete Series (HBO) brings all six season to Blu-ray+Digital HD for the first time and includes a new 45-minute bonus feature.

Co-created by openly gay Sex and the City mastermind Michael Patrick King, 2 Broke Girls: The Complete Third Season (Warner Brothers), has a well-deserved reputation for being one of the most risqué sitcoms on CBS. The story of struggling Brooklyn waitresses and roommates Max (Kat Dennings) and Caroline (Beth Behrs), 2 Broke Girls regularly pushes the limits of sexual innuendo and good taste. Costar Jennifer Coolidge, as zany neighbor and friend Sophie, steals every scene in which she appears. If the show wasn’t so funny, thanks to the lead actresses, it might be offensive.

DVD special features include unaired scenes and a gag reel.

The CW network has a long history of featuring exceptionally handsome men in their TV series, including Tom Welling as Clark Kent in Smallville.

The network has continued that tradition over the years. In Arrow: The Complete Second Season (WB), on Bluray+DVD+Digital HD, star Stephen Amell (who previously appeared in an episode of Queer As Folk) spends a lot time in and out of clothes that flatter his fit physique. Ian Somerhalder, who is an It Gets Better Project participant and played a queer character opposite James Van Der Beek in The Rules of Attraction, has been starring as Damon in The Vampire Diaries: The Complete Fifth Season (WB).

As brothers Sam and Dean, Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, are two of prime time’s sexiest siblings on TV and Blu-ray+Digital HD in Supernatural: The Complete Ninth Season (WB).

(Top left) Anna Paquin as Sookie Stackhouse in True Blood (Top right) Boardwalk Emipre's "Nucky" Thompson played by Steve Buscemi (Middle left) The late James Gandolfini as mobster Tony Soprano in The Sopranos (Middle right) Arrow: The Complete Second Season Box Set (Left) Mad Men: The Final Season Part 1 (Right) 2 Broke Girls featuring Kat Dennings as Max and Beth Behrs as Caroline.

Photo Credits: Pee-Wee's Playhouse: The Complete Series courtesy of 42 West; Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer courtesy of MPRM Communications; We Are the Best! courtesy of Magnolia Pictures; Motown 25: Yesterday•Today•Forever and The Midnight Special courtesy of Foundry Communications; The Merv Griffin Show: 1962-1986 courtesy of Reel in the Years; Mad Men: The Final Season Part 1 courtesy of Lionsgate Home Entertainment; True Blood: The Complete Seventh Season courtesy of John P. Johnson/HBO; The Sopranos: The Complete Series courtesy of Craig Blankenhorn/HBO; Boardwalk Empire: The Complete Fourth Season courtesy of Christopher Saunders/ HBO; 2 Broke Girls, Arrow: The Complete Second Season, Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries: The Complete Fifth Season courtesy of Warner Bros;

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show your pride

calendar of events 8th Annual Intergenerational Holiday Potluck Party Friday, Dec. 12th, 6 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

SAGE-LI Movie & Discussion: Orlando Tuesday, Dec. 23rd, 11 a.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing: Thursdays, 5-8 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Long Island GLBT Bereavement Group 2nd & 4th Mondays, 7-8 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

Celebrate with the youth of LIGALY, the adults and families of The Center, and the members of SAGE-LI at our annual Holiday Party. This event is a potluck affair, so please bring a dish, your holiday spirit, and come celebrate as one community. Please feel free to bring family, friends, and loved ones. If you do not bring a dish, there is a $5 admission fee per person. RSVP is required by Monday, December 8th. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Young nobleman Orlando is commanded by Queen Elizabeth I to stay forever young. The film follows him as he Free and confidential testing for HIV, moves through several centuries of British Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. history, and experiences a variety of lives www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 and relationships along the way.

Hampton Bays Mingle www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

2nd & 4th Thursdays, 3-5 p.m.

Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays

Monday Mingle Mondays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Come join our coed, peer-led, issuefocused discussion group. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the East End. There will be no mingle on Thursday, December 25th due to the holiday. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Health Series: Do It Yourself (DIY) Exfoliating Body Scrub Monday, Dec. 15th, 12 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Tuesday, Dec. 16th, 1 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

20 Something 2nd & 4th Fridays, 7:30-9 p.m Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

LIFE in Nassau 2nd Thursday, 7-9 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

Senior Focus Group Monday, Dec. 29th,1 p.m.

Monday, Jan. 26th,1 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Discussion and support group for GLBT Winter is upon us and for some people people in their 20’s. A safe and affirming that means dry skin! Join us fo this hands space to share their experiences. on activity where you make your own www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 natural, moisturizing body scrub and Advisory Board (SAGE-LI) learn the importance of mositurizing Monday, January 5th, 1-2 p.m. and exfoliating your skin in the winter months. With just a few basic ingredients Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, you have yourself a great tool to fight dry 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore skin. This also makes a great holiday gift! Tuesday, January 6th 1-2 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Volunteer Orientation Monday, Dec. 15th, 12 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Tuesday, Dec. 16th, 1 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Found out the many ways you can get involved with the Long Island GLBT Network! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages.

SAGE-LI Holiday Dance Extravaganza Saturday, Dec. 20th, 1 p.m.

The VFW Post 120 2163 Jericho Turnpike Garden City Park, NY 11040 Join us for a catered festive dinner, live music by Lydia Sabosto, dancing and great company! The VFW Hall is located at 2163 Jericho Turnpike in Garden City Park. Please feel free to bring family, friends, and loved ones. Admission is $25 per person and space is limited.

RSVP with payment is required by Friday, December 12th. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

LIGALY Advisory Board Mondays, 6-8 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

We want to hear your voice! This group LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League provides feedback on current SAGE-LI programming, offers ideas for additional Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m.

Bowl Long Island, 138 West programming, and helps plan future Rd., Patchogue events. All are welcome!

Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 League. LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, Alcoholics Anonymous 516.375.9473

PrEP Town Hall Forum www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 Thursday, Dec. 18th, 6:30 p.m.

East End: The Hamptons Brother2Brother GLBT Center, 44 Union St., 2nd & 4th Fridays, 7-8 p.m.

Sag Harbor Nassau: Center at Woodbury, Join us for our 3rd Town Hall discussion 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, with a distinguished panel of physicians, Suite 110, Woodbury healthcare, & HIV/AIDS professionals who will provide information and be available to answer all you questions regarding the new prescription pill. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

LIFE in Nassau meets every second Thursday. Open to adults of all genders and orientations with an interest in BDSM topics.

Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Drop-In Health Insurance Enrollment: Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Thursdays, 5-8 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

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LITE Social and Discussion Group 1st & 3rd Mondays, 7:30-9 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Wednesdays, 7:30-9 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st & 3rd Thursdays*, 6:30-8 p.m.

East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor

A support group for GLBT people living with HIV/AIDS. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

You Gotta Believe Mondays, 6-9 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Tuesdays, 6-8 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor

The Long Island GLBT Community Center has partnered with You Gotta Believe, A social and discussion group for lesbian, a non-profit organization that places bisexual, and transgender women as teenagers into permanent adoptive well as women questioning their identity. homes, to provide Adoptive Parent There will be no SWAN on Wednesday, Preparation Classes! If you are interested This group provides a safe and supportive December 17th, December 24th, or in participating, please call 631.665.2300. environment for those who have January 21, 2015. www.liglbtnetwork.org experienced the loss of a loved one or www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 friend while offering help and guidence Youth Group with the grieving process.

TRUE Calling Tuesdays, 5-8 p.m. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Nassau County Mingle Tuesdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Woodbury www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

OUTlet Fridays, 8 p.m.-Midnight Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends ages 13-21. Themes for this month include "Pajama Party" (Dec. 19th). $2 admission, transportation available. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Parent Support Group 1st & 3rd Thursdays, 6-7 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Teams – Suffolk Thursdays, 6-8 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team Wednesdays, 6-8 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer An open discussion group for schools on Long Island. transgender people and their friends and www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 family. *Starting January 1st, LITE on SAGE-LI Evening Mingle the East End will be held on the 2nd & 3rd Wednesday, 7-9 p.m.

4th Thursdays of the month.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Living PositHIVly 1st & 3rdThursdays, 7-8:30 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7:30-8:45 p.m.

Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

If you workand/or have engagements during the day that limit you from attending the fabulous SAGE-LI daytime programming, this is the program for you. All are welcome! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

LIGALY is offering a great opportunity for black and Latino gay and bisexual youth and their friends to show off their skills!

Sing, act, dance, or perform. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

All East End youth should come check out this new hot GLBT spot. Every Tuesday is a fun interactive youth group: hang out with others in the lounge. You won’t want to miss it! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

Women 2 Women Tuesdays, 7:15-8:45 p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Youth Support Group 4th Thursday, 5-6p.m.

Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

W2W is dedicated to providing a safe and For all youth under 21 to come share supportive space for lesbians age 40+. their thoughts, problems and ups and downs in a confidential, safe space.

Youth Support Group will not meet on Thursday, December 25th. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

the long island glbt network's three community centers will be closed on December 24th, December 25th, December 31st, and January 1st.

All programs scheduled for these dates have been cancelled. If you have any questions or concerns, please visit liglbtnetwork.org or call 631.665.2300

Have an event you want listed here?

E-mail: editor@livingoutli.org living out

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Hotel Indigo_Living Out_halfpage_v2_NO BLEED.pdf

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living healthy parenting

by Chris mcnamee

As members of the gay community, we are perhaps more keenly aware than the general population of the devastation caused by the AIDS virus. Those of us who were part of the club scene in the 1980s don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the friends we lost to this terrible disease. Thanks to medical advances and education, the spread of HIV has slowed significantly and infection with the virus is no longer considered a death sentence, at least not here in the United States. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for less developed countries, including some African nations in particular, where rampant infection continues to kill thousands every year, leaving a large number of HIV+ orphans in need of homes.

If you are considering adopting an HIV+ child, there are several agencies that can help you, including Children of All Nations, whose website contains information about HIV and AIDS, and includes the following list of answers to some of the questions you might want to investigate as part of your research:

1) Will adopting a child with HIV/AIDS put my other family members at risk?

Numerous studies have shown that family members do not contract HIV/AIDS through ordinary household activities. You cannot get HIV from sharing food and drinks or using the same bed or toilet as an HIV-positive person.

You also can’t contract it from changing diapers, hugging, kissing, or from bathing or swimming with someone who’s infected with the virus.

ask 2) How is the virus spread?

HIV is spread by direct intimate contact with HIV-infected body fluids, such as blood, vaginal secretions, semen, or breast milk.

3) How should blood spills be handled?

Spilt blood should be soaked up with absorbent material, direct skin contact with the blood being avoided. Blood spills can be cleaned up using detergent-disinfectant formulations — chemical germicides.

In addition to these, a fresh solution of household bleach and water is an inexpensive and effective germicide and will kill the HIV virus when used properly.

4) Will a family’s existing insurance policy cover an adopted HIV/AIDSexposed child?

Chris

6) Is it true that many infants who test HIV positive at birth convert to negative within the first year or so?

Yes. Statistics show that 75% to 80% of children who test HIV-positive at birth only have the birth mother’s antibodies and not the virus itself. A sophisticated blood test called the PCR can now determine with a high degree of accuracy by four months of age whether an infant is antibody or antigen positive.

While the addition of a special needs child to your family will always bring with it a number of challenges, those who have chosen this path to building a family say that the rewards far outweigh any downside.

It is a legal requirement that all adopted children be added to group insurance plans without pre-existing condition clauses in all 50 states! And many states also require that private insurance plans do the same. In addition, all 50 states have funding programs that will assist with the costs of HIV treatment within specified income guidelines.

5) What information about an HIV/ AIDS-infected child needs to be disclosed?

Federal and state confidentiality laws protect disclosure of an individual’s HIV status. It is against the law to share a person’s HIV status without his/her permission. There are also many anti-discrimination laws that protect people living with HIV. A child’s HIV status should be disclosed to health care providers to ensure the best care.

Please see the following websites for further information about adopting an HIV+ child.

Positivelyorphaned.org Bethanylifelines.org Project hopeful.org Positivelyadopted.org Childrenofallnations.com

about the author: Chris mcnamee has a b.S. in Family Services/Child Studies, a M.A. in Intersex Conditions and Gender Identity Disorders in Children and Adolescents and is the Former owner/operator of Kid ‘n Kaboodle Child Care as well as the Former Coordinator for Long Island Family Connections, Gay Parents Support Network.

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living healthy

wellness

by jennifer nyx

We all know the holidays are the perfect time for all our good intentions about eating healthy to be sabotaged left and right. I wonder why – who said that egg nog was somehow more delicious than a fruit smoothie? Why would I be drawn to white mashed potatoes with butter instead of roasted red potatoes drizzled with oil and fresh rosemary? Who decided that apple pie with ice cream is somehow more festive than a healthy apple crisp flavored with some nuts, raisins, and pure maple syrup?

All too often, we let ourselves be tricked by mind games and say, “Well, it’s the holidays. It’s okay to have that huge slice of cheesecake, because how else are we supposed to celebrate?”

It’s actually easier than you think to enjoy all your favorite foods – of course in moderation – by making a few simple substitutions and shifting your mindset.

Here are a few quick ideas to help you make it through the season without putting on a few pounds or just plain feeling run down.

Bring foods to all parties you attend.

A typical party might have a roast beef with buttery mashed potatoes, veggies soaked in butter, and all kinds of pies, cakes, and cookies made with sugar and white flour. Add to the table yourself!

Make a healthy sweet potato dish to put alongside the roast beef, and a big side of beautiful roasted vegetables. If you want the meat, have just a slice, and top the meal off with your own homemade whole grain oatmeal cookie, sweetened with maple syrup.

With just a few substitutions, you have not only avoided disaster, but created a healthy and satisfying meal for yourself and perhaps even a few other health conscious guests.

For your own family’s meals...

Try to Attend Events with Like-Minded People

If you have friends who know that eating healthy is the best way to keep your spirits bright, plan a party where everyone brings a dish that will contribute to the group’s collective health, instead of ruining everyone’s good intentions!

You can easily create a feast that fills the belly, heart, and soul in a healthy way. You have control over where your food comes from and how to prepare it.

Try some delicious creamy soups made with nuts as the base, instead of cream sauces. Bake whole grain breads from scratch – the aroma in the kitchen alone will lift everyone’s moods!

Think about the flavors of the season.

See where you can capitalize on them in a healthy way. Cinnamon is used in all kinds of “bad” foods, but the spice itself is a superfood that, used the right way in a tea or fruit crisp recipe, can be a real boost to your health. And of course, for many of us, a little “bad” food on occasion won’t ruin our health. Just don’t forget to keep eating a high nutrient diet even as you enjoy that slice of pie. If you do, you may even find your desire for the bad foods will slowly go away.

In fact, it’s a powerful shift in your mind to go from thinking, “I want that, but I can’t have it” to “I can have it, but I don’t want it.”

And why wouldn’t you want that amazing strawberry cheesecake?

Because you know that some foods don’t do anything for your body, but they do all kinds of awful things to it. You don’t want that, and besides… you know that the holidays really aren’t about food anyway. There is so much more meaning to the season, and when we focus on our faith, family and friends first, the food takes its proper place at the party – as fuel, not focus.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

about the author: Jennifer nyx is a Holistic Health Coach and Personal Trainer dedicated to support her clients with their health goals and empower them to make lasting changes in their behavior and lifestyle.

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living smart

recipes

Ingredients: Crust: 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 1/2 tsp sugar 1/2 tsp salt 3 tbsp unsalted butter, 1/4 inch pieces 7 tbsp trans fat-free shortening 1/3 cup cold water

Filling: 5-6 Golden Delicious apples, peeled, cored and sliced 3 tbsp sugar 2 tbsp honey 1 1/2 tbsp all-purpose flour 1 tbsp lemon juice 1/4 tsp cinnamon

Instructions: Step 1. Prepare the pastry In a food processor, combine flour, sugar, and salt. Add butter; pulse until large flakes form. Add shortening and pulse until the mixture resembles fine crumbs. Sprinkle cold water over the mixture, about 2 tablespoons at a time, tossing with a fork to mix. Roll the pastry into 2 balls, one slightly larger than the other. Flatten into 3/4-inch thick disks on separate sheets of plastic wrap. Wrap and refrigerate for 45 minutes.

Step 2. Make the apple filling Placed sliced apples in a bowl and add sugar, honey, flour, lemon juice, and cinnamon. Toss well; set aside.

Step 3. Assemble the pie Preheat oven to 400º. Place larger half of chilled pastry on a 12-inch sheet of plastic wrap. Dust dough with flour and roll into a 12-inch circle with a floured rolling pin, then invert over a 9-inch pie pan. Peel off plastic and gently tuck pastry into pan, letting edge drape over sides. Lightly moisten upper edge of dough with a damp pastry brush.

Transfer filling to pie shell. Roll other half of pastry into an 11-inch circle on plastic wrap. Invert over filling, then peel off plastic. Pinch edge to seal; trim excess.

Step 4. Bake till golden Create decorative edge on crust with fork. Slit top pastry for steam vents. Brush top of pie with milk and sprinkle with 1 teaspoon sugar (try turbinado).

Bake for 20 minutes on center oven rack, shielding edges of crust with foil. Reduce heat to 375º; continue baking until the pie is golden brown and juices bubble through at least one vent, another 30 minutes. Insert wooden skewer into pie; there should be no resistance. Transfer pie to cooling rack and cool at least 1 hour before serving.

Nutrition: Calories 319 (41% from fat); Fat 15g (sat 5g, mono 5g, poly 4g); Cholesterol 11mg; Protein 3g; Carbohydrate 44g; Sugars 20g; Fiber 2g; Iron 2mg; Sodium 146mg; Calcium 8mg

Ingredients: 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar 1 cup sugar 1/4 cup butter, softened 1 tablespoon corn syrup 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 large egg 3 tablespoons sugar 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon Cooking spray

Instructions: Preheat oven to 375°.

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife.

Combine flour, baking soda, and cream of tartar, stirring with a whisk.

Combine 1 cup of sugar and butter in a large bowl, and beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended. Add the corn syrup, vanilla, and egg; beat well.

Gradually add the flour mixture to the sugar mixture, beating just until

combined. Cover and chill for 10 minutes. Combine 3 tablespoons sugar and cinnamon, stirring with a whisk.

With moist hands, shape dough into 42 (1-inch) balls. Roll balls in sugar mixture. Place balls 2 inches apart onto baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Flatten balls with the bottom of a glass. Bake at 375° for 5 minutes (cookies will be slightly soft).

Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes.

Remove cookies from pans; cool completely on wire racks.

Nutrition (Per Serving: 1 Cookie): Calories 54 (22% from fat); Fat 1.3g (sat .7g, mono .1g, poly .4g); Cholesterol 8mg; Protein .7g; Carbohydrate 10g; Fiber .2g;

Iron .3mg; Sodium 28mg; Calcium 3mg

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Ingredients: 1 1/2 cups sugar 1/2 cup whole buttermilk 1 1/2 tablespoons light-colored corn syrup

Instructions: Combine first 5 ingredients in a large saucepan. Cook over low heat until sugar dissolves, stirring constantly. Continue cooking over low heat until a candy thermometer registers 234° (about 10 minutes); stir occasionally.

Remove from heat; let stand 5 minutes.

1/2 teaspoon baking soda Dash of salt 2/3 cup chopped pecans, toasted 1 1/2 teaspoons butter 1 tablespoon vanilla extract Stir in nuts, butter, and vanilla; beat with a wooden spoon until mixture begins to lose its shine (about 6 minutes). Drop by teaspoonfuls onto wax paper. Let stand 20 minutes or until set.

Note: Store pralines in an airtight container for up to 2 weeks.

Nutrition (Per Serving: 1 Praline): Calories 65 (30% from fat); Fat 2.2g (sat .4g, mono 1.2g, poly .6g); Cholesterol 1mg; Protein .4g; Carbohydrate 11g; Fiber .3g; Iron .1mg; Sodium 36mg; Calcium 7mg living out

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0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013 26

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living smart

finance

scams to watch out for This holiday season With the holiday’s quickly approaching, many if not all of us will be traveling, shopping, etc.

We will have so many things happening that we will be feeling as if we are being pulled in every direction and could lose focus on what’s going on.

While we are getting gifts for our loved ones, don’t forget that there are scams* like this being passed around:

EZ-pass E-mail You receive an official-looking email stating that your electronic payment information needs to be updated because it is out-of-date. You are provided with a link and/or phone number to give your current credit card information, Social Security number, etc.

Preventing it Vital information should never be given out in response to an email request, no matter how legitimate the request looks. When you receive an email like this, call the company.

Video Software Scam

Skimming the ATM

A “click bait” video with an enticing title is posted via social media. When you click on the video, you are notified that you are missing the proper software to watch this clip. You are then directed to a different site to download this special software, which turns out to be malware designed to steal your personal information from your computer or device.

A thief swipes your card through a hand-held device or through an overlay swipe device on an ATM. This device collects information off the magnetic stripe on the back of the card and the thief copies the security codes from your card to a fraudulent card and sells it to a counterfeiter.

Preventing it Think about what is you are clicking on and how well you know what you are getting yourself into. This is especially important if you do a lot of your shopping online and you see an ad that you find interesting.

>>

Preventing it Be wary of anyone sneaking around the ATM. Also, check the scanner by pulling on it and see if it comes lose or looks and feels different compared to the rest of the ATM. It doesn’t happen often but it is something to beware of.

*This is just a fraction of the scams that happen all the time, but these are the most popular scams at this time of year. Your identity is very important and preventing identity theft should be a top priority.

rebounding after the holidays

Control Your Credit Cards Everyone abuses their credit cards during the holiday season, partly because of convenience and partly due to poor planning. If you have overused your cards, hide them from yourself in January.

You should take them out of your wallet and put them somewhere they can’t do any further harm. Make it hard on yourself to use your credit card in January, or possibly longer.

If you are someone who is addicted to online shopping, here is something that you can do to avoid the temptation. Do not save your credit card information at the sites that you frequent most. This way, you will have to fill out online forms and submit your information again, which gives you time to spot what you are doing and not go through with it.

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Avoid Temptations

Don’t be tempted by post-holiday sales. Find something else to do, preferably something that’s free. Many people are baited by sales in January and think that it’s a good idea to get a little more shopping in before reality sets in.

Avoid the malls, your favorite online stores, and spending money on things you do not really need.

Start Tackling Your Debt Your goal is to pay back all of the credit card debt you have incurred over the holidays by April, which believe it or not, is very possible if you tighten your budget a bit and watch your spending.

It’s always a good idea to make a plan and put it to paper. Keep a piece of paper with this information on it hanging on your refrigerator to remind you.

Prepare Early for Next Year Once you have paid off your debts, it’s time to start saving for next year so that your next January can be more enjoyable.

Put some money away every month in order to have a nice amount of cash waiting for you when the holiday season comes around again. You’d really be surprised at how much 25 dollars a week can add up by the time December rolls around.

With proper planning and dedication to the cause you will be able to quickly recover from your holiday financial crisis and start learning from your mistakes in order to avoid repeating the same scenario next year.

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points of view op-ed

Confronting Echoes of the AIDS Hysteria as we Battle Ebola Exactly a decade ago this month I received an email flagged as urgent from Monrovia, Liberia. It was from Lee Johnson, then coordinator of “Liberian Youths Against HIV/AIDS.” “Presently, the HIV/AIDS scourge is deeply eating into the fabric of our society and there is little being done to bring this to a halt.

Therefore, some of us youths have come together to be able to bring awareness to our fellow youths on the danger of HIV/AIDS and other STD’s. But, at present, we are not receiving much from the locals and that is why we have decided to get in contact with you,” Johnson wrote.

Johnson wanted to know if the United States knew how the HIV/ AIDS epidemic was ravaging his city and countryside; and if the U.S. knew how his distant cousins of the Diaspora-African Americans, and his queer allies – LGBTQ Americans – could simply be silent and not act.

By 2012 the U.S. was on record for contributing nearly $200 million devoted to stemming AIDS and Malaria in Liberia. Only then did the county begin seeing a decline in the epidemics.

Since December 2013 Liberia, along with Sierra Leone and Guinea, cried out to the world community for help in fighting the deadliest outbreak of the Ebola epidemic to date. By this summer’s end the death toll per day from the virus in those West African countries was staggering to the point of disbelief – with a projected rate of 10,000 new cases each week in two months according to the World Health Organization.

In September Shoana Solomon, a photographer and TV presenter, and her daughter excitedly arrived in the U.S. from Monrovia just in time for Solomon’s nine-year-old to start school.

“You’re from Liberia, so you have a disease,” was what the nine year-old heard as a greeting.

The unrelenting tenacity of the Ebola virus – like HIV/AIDS – has taught us much about the preciousness of life, and about the various faces – across race, class, and gender, country and continent – who wore and continue to wear the face of this disease.

But since September 30, when Thomas Eric Duncan became the first Ebola patient diagnosed in the states and subsequently died of

“The hysteria and paranoia associated with Ebola is eerily reminiscent of when the country was in its AIDS crisis.” the virus, West Africans, specifically Liberians have been the target of unimaginable stigmatization and untold discrimination.

The hysteria and paranoia associated with Ebola is eerily reminiscent of when the country was in its AIDS crisis.

When the New York Native, a nowdefunct gay paper, in its May 18, 1981, issue first reported on a virus among gay men that was known then as GRID (Gay-Related Immune Deficiency), an editorial made it known that “even if the disease first become apparent in gay men, it is not just ‘a gay disease.’”

Hysteria coupled with homophobia reared their ugly heads and targeted gay men across the country. Now,

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perhaps because we are decades removed, we can recognize this as an act of intolerance and inhospitality toward the ill.

With the AIDS epidemic also came the emergence of the Christian Right, which propagandized the moment as a providential sign of God’s abhorrence for LGBTQ people.

But with no help from the Christian Right, President Ronald Reagan, who saw the first signs of the AIDS epidemic in 1981, his first year in office, had his own theological view on the AIDS epidemic that influenced the laissez-faire attitude his administration exhibited. Reagan said, “Maybe the Lord brought down the plague because illicit sex is against the Ten Commandments.”

In seeing the inherent value and goodness in every person’s life, 16th century English poet John Donne once said “Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”

In a time like this I’m reminded of the Gospel mandate of Mathew 25: “When I was in prison, you visited me; when I was sick, you comforted me. What you do for the least of them you do for me,” and Martin Luther King’s quote, highlighting our interconnectedness as a beloved community, “We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.

Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly.”

However, with the theological belief that God’s will was indeed being done, Reagan unflinchingly watched the death toll climbed to over 41,000 deaths and over 60,000 diagnoses of full-blown AIDS before he spoke up about it in March 1987.

For the Christian Right, it was a just way to exterminate us instead of making us wear pink triangles in a German concentration camp. And for others, tagging us was a more acceptable way of monitoring. In 1986, for example, Sen. William F. Buckley Jr., believing in a need to track who was inflected with the virus in order to stop its spread, suggested that people with AIDS be tattooed on their buttocks and forearms.

The “God is angry” explanation for the Ebola epidemic is the same misguided theological response given about the Haiti Earthquake, Hurricanes Katrina and Sandy, and for that matter any disaster since the biblical Genesis flood narrative.

When doors and hearts are shut to people in need out of fear that is an act of inhospitality.

There has been much debate about tighter border controls to keep out not only the Ebola virus from

jeopardizing any more of American healthcare workers, but West Africans, too. And there has also been some bantering about keeping a closer eye on those who look West African. And, good luck with that xenophobic measure since those of us who are the progeny of the Transatlantic Slave Trade are from West Africa.

While hysteria paints a picture that America is in the throes of an Ebola epidemic no American to date has died of the virus. Five, however, have contracted the virus in West Africa and returned home to the states- Dr. Kent Brantly, Nancy Writebol and Dr. Rick Sacra, Ashoka Mukpo, and an unnamed American.

We are now too often hearing the numbers of those dying or dead from this disease and unfortunately do not fully comprehend the magnitude of how lives are continually being lost in West Africa or stigmatize for being West African here.

This is not only an unconscionable act of xenophobia toward the targeted groups believed to test positive for Ebola, but it is also a symptom of a sick society that tests negative for compassion.

This holiday season let’s show our fellow person some compassion.

>> read more at livingoutli.org

points of view Seeing in the dark

by Belo Cipriani

Motherly Wisdom: Lessons in Love & Acceptance Before I was blind and a writer, I was a boy with many questions. Every other sentence began with a why, who, or what, which drove my family mad.

Like many siblings, my two older teenage sisters would ignore my questions, instead swaying their puffy hairdos to Duran Duran. My younger sister would shrug and look away even before I finished my sentence. Dad, who was usually sitting on the brown sofa, would nod or shake his head faintly, making the TV screen that was reflected in his glasses dance. The only person who put up with my inquisitive nature was my mother.

One school morning, a few days before my 9th birthday, I woke up to my eldest sister making breakfast.

Alarmed, I asked her where mom was.

“She’s resting,” she shared, pulling milk out of the fridge. “The baby in her belly kept her up last night.”

I had watched my mom’s stomach grow and grow, and the idea of another brother or sister worried me. If it’s a girl, will she become the family favorite? And if it’s a boy, will he replace me? Quickly, I ate my cereal, rinsed my bowl in the sink, and darted to my parent’s bedroom.

to the car. There was a slight hint of annoyance in her tone.

“He’s gonna stay home with me,” mom interjected, her voice authoritative. “He’s going to help me today.”

Over my shoulder, I watched my sister nod, casting her eyes downward as she quietly disappeared into the dim hallway.

My mom squeezed my hand and asked me to reach for a box in the closet. Wondering why my mom had broken her “no missing school unless you are really sick rule,” I grabbed the velvety maroon case from a shelf.

She slowly opened the box and we both stared at the bronze tree inside – our family’s Menorah.

“People are like trees,” she began, running her pale fingers over the metal bark. “And each person they love becomes one of their branches.

You are one of my branches, and without you, I would be a smaller tree. I love all of you differently and I won’t love you more or less when the baby arrives.”

Although her words comforted me, this was a lesson she would continue to bring up throughout my life – especially when I started to date guys.

In my late teens, I began to have boyfriends, and I always claimed to love the current guy more than the previous.

“Don’t compare your relationships,” she warned. “It’s not fair to them.

Besides, they were all put in your path for a reason.”

With a few pillows supporting her back, I found my mom watching the Spanish channel from the bed. She had a calm expression on her face.

“Where’s your book bag?” she piped up, smiling. “You can’t be late. It’s your last week of school.”

I nodded, making my way around the bed and sitting close to her. She scanned my face and ran her warm hand through my hair. As though she read my mind, she continued, “This baby will not replace you. And for your birthday, we’ll get you your favorite chocolate cake.”

My older sister popped her head into the room, demanding I hurry

On occasion, my mom’s beliefs would frustrate me when I was sighted; but as a blind man, they brought me comfort. Each unique way of taking in the world helped me deal with the assault and the group of friends that beat me. Most importantly, she encouraged me to focus less on the betrayal and more on my rehabilitation. I continued with the questions and she with the answers.

“Will I be able to find work as a blind man?” I asked, practicing my Braille alphabet on the dining room table.

“Yes,” she replied, squeezing my shoulder. “In losing your sight you have learned to adapt – a skill any business would want.”

“Will I ever find love?” I inquired, holding on to her elbow as I tapped my cane over the wet pavement.

felt my brain ignite with questions. I reached for Oslo’s head and began to caress it.

“You’ll find many loves and grow many branches – just give it time,” she sighed.

“Oslo,” I whispered, “Do you think I’ll get engaged again?”

My mother was right. A few months after losing my sight, I began to date again. When I had vision, I was a sucker for men with dark features.

Middle Eastern, Asian, Black – I liked them all. As a blind man, I developed a thing for men with squared jawlines and rugged hands. I built a new system for getting to know men and eventually began to have boyfriends.

Blindness also brought about a new kind of love – a bond I never imagined existed, the affection of a guide dog. Madge was 43 pounds of lab energy. And even though we had a rough start, as I struggled to manage my first dog, she didn’t wait to show me how much she cared. Within the first six months of our partnership, she saved me from being hit by a car twice. Both times I felt her body push me back as the car ran the light and honked.

Fearless, she positioned herself between the moving vehicle and me.

Madge became more than my eyes – she was my biggest confidant. She came everywhere with me and was the favorite guest at every party. One chilly morning, I was brushing her teeth when my mom came into my room and asked, “Why are you two getting ready? I thought you didn’t work on Fridays.”

“I have a date with Owen. He took the day off to hang out,” I replied.

“Aha, he loves you,” she cheered.

“Or at least he’s starting to.

Otherwise, he wouldn’t have broken the rules.”

“Break the rules?” I chuckled. “What do you mean? He took time off.

Everyone gets to take vacation time.”

“He broke his routine for you, Belo,” she blurted. “That’s what people do when they care.”

Not fully appreciating her words, I reached for Madge’s harness and slipped it on. I gave my mom a hug and let Madge guide me out of my apartment.

Seven years later, my second guide dog, Oslo, and I waited for the BART train late one evening. Reflecting on my mom’s recent passing and Madge’s retirement, I once again

He perked up and began to lick my face. I think that’s a yes, I thought, laughing.

I felt my phone vibrate and I asked Oslo to settle down. As Siri read the text, I sensed confusion arise. The message was from a guy named Ray, someone who I had met at a bar a few weeks prior. However, our hectic schedules had kept us from having a real date. In the message, he proposed we both take a half-day on Friday to hang out.

He’s nuts, I thought, shaking my head at the idea. After all, I barely knew the guy.

I built a new system for getting to know men and eventually began to have boyfriends.

Suddenly, I heard a few guys murmur, “Check out his phone. It’s one of the new ones.”

I heard footsteps draw closer and felt Oslo’s head lift from my leg and turn to face the strangers. As the men got closer, I heard Oslo growl, then bark.

“That dog looks crazy,” the man said. “Let’s just go.”

Guide dogs are not trained to bark or guard. Yet, Oslo had broken his training for a reason. I quickly shoved my phone in my pocket and felt his tongue on my hand. Unsure if I should call the police, I praised him.

We made it back into our apartment and I kneeled down to hold Oslo tight. For the first time in a while, I didn’t have questions, but answers.

I finally understood what my mom had tried to tell me my whole life. I loved Oslo and Madge equally and they each showed me their affection in different ways. So, maybe I wouldn’t marry Ray. Still, I would never find out by hiding behind my writer schedule. I pulled out my phone and agreed to meet him that Friday.

Belo Cipriani is the Writer-in-Residence at Holy Names University, a spokesperson for Guide Dogs for the Blind, the “Get to Work” columnist for SFGate.com, and the author of Blind: A Memoir. Learn more at BeloCipriani.com.

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