Issue 1, Volume 2: December 2013 by Living Out

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In THis Issue December 2013 - Volume 2, Issue 1

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David Kilmnick, Publisher info@livingoutli.org Linda romanello, editor editor@livingoutli.org alexis capitini, Art Director art@livingoutli.org Jonathan Chenkin, Advertising advertising@livingoutli.org

Living Out is produced by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network with support from Morey Publishing, LLC.

1 Cover 3 In this issue 4 letter from the Publisher 6 in the news: national 7 in the news: interNational 8 Out on LI: (at) Home for the holidays? 11 Out on Li: LIGALY Conference at Stony Brook university 12 Out on Li: Living out celebrates one year anniversary 15 Project Helm 16 2013 best tv shows 17 Holiday music 18 Calendar of events 20 Be Scene: transgender day of remembrance 22 living healthy: Gift and give back this season 24 living healthy: Seasonal affective disorder 26 travel: Winter getaways in the northeast 28 what’s the t?: Holiday gift giving guide 30 finance: saving for the holidays 32 Beauty: hand solutions for the winter 32 Living Smart: Holiday Recipes 34 Points of view: Transipedia 34 Points of view: remembering the spiritual message

get published! Want to join our team as a monthly contributor? We’re looking for talented writers and photographers to get involved in Long Island’s newest GLBT publication!

Contributors Matthew Ambrosio, Dr. Bill Blazey, Rev. Irene Monroe, Rachel Roth, Laurie Segal, Gregg Shapiro, Gwen Smith, Meryl Lumba, Manny Velasquez-Paredes

apply to be a contributor Email editor@livingoutli.org! LIVING OUT

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Letter from the Publisher Your Direct Source One year ago this month, The Long Island GLBT Network launched the premiere issue of Living Out – a newspaper style magazine written by and for Long Island’s GLBT community, family, friends, advocates and supporters in order to help build and unite GLBT culture and Long Island life.

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Each month, on these very pages, we have been addressing the needs and issues that are unique to Long Islanders and the GLBT community. Over the past 12 months, we have gained a great deal of momentum by delivering first-hand stories and accounts from the GLBT community on coming out, being transgender, the end of DOMA, the family redefined and bullying in schools. As we look toward 2014, I’m proud of where we’ve been so far, and excited to see where we are headed.

and that feelings of isolation, sadness and rejection can surface. We have shared with you this month a number of personal stories from our neighbors, as well as faith leaders, who discuss holidays past, present and what will hopefully be a bright future.

Last, I would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to our new Living Out team and welcome Linda Romanello on-board as our new editor, as well as Alexis Capitini as our art director. I wanted to thank you for your continued readership and contributions and wish each of you a Happy and Safe Holiday season. To that end, I look toward the New Year with enthusiasm about where else we can go – together. With Pride,

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Also, as we are in the midst of the holiday season, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that this time of year can be difficult for some members of the community,

David Kilmnick, PhD, MSW Publisher

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In the news

national News

By Rachel Roth

LIZ AND MARY CHENEY ARGUE OVER MARRIAGE EQUALITY

STATES RESIST PROCESSING BENEFITS FOR GAY COUPLES Six states are defying the Pentagon’s orders to extend benefits to same-sex partners of National Guard personnel. According to The New York Times, bases in Texas, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma and West Virginia instruct couples to travel to federal bases to register for a military spouse ID.

The Times reports that lawmakers argue that National Guard units are state agencies that have to adhere to state laws — like gay marriage bans. Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin said that sending gay military couples to federal bases “protects the integrity of our state Constitution and sends a message to the federal

GOOD ELECTIONS RETURNS FOR GLBT CANDIDATES

Dozens of GLBT candidates came out victorious in the Nov. 5 elections, with two of America’s largest cities electing or re-electing GLBT mayors. Annise Parker secured a third term as mayor of Houston, and Washington state Sen. Ed Murray defeated incumbent Mike McGinn to become Seattle’s first openly gay mayor. According to Chuck Wolfe, president and CEO of the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund, 54 of the 85 candidates endorsed by the Gay & Lesbian Victory Fund were projected to win their respective races, and three candidates were headed to runoffs.

government that they cannot simply ignore our laws or the will of the people.” Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel has demanded states comply with national standards, but Pentagon officials have not said what steps they would take with states that do not fall in line.

SENATE PASSES ENDA, MOVES TO HOUSE

The Senate voted 64-32 to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), marking the first time the chamber has approved the legislation since its introduction in 1994. Every Democratic senator and 10 Republicans voted in favor of the bill. The bill, which would extend workplace discrimination protections to include sexual orientation and gender identity, now heads to the House, where it is unlikely to be passed as Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio deemed the legislation “unnecessary.”

WAITRESS claiming TIP DENIED FOR ‘GAY LIFESTYLE’ suspended A New Jersey waitress for the Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater who claimed several weeks ago that she was denied a tip from a family because she is a lesbian, has now been suspended pending further investigation. In lieu of money, Dayna Morales, the 22-year old former Marine Corps member, had reported that she received a note on the receipt of a $93.55 bill that read: “I’m sorry but I cannot tip because I do not agree with your lifestyle and how you live your life.” 6

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After telling CNN she “was offended ... mad at first, and then I was more hurt,” and Morales’ story got out, tips had been pouring in from all over the world. The restaurant even set up a PayPal account and, as of press time, received more than $2,000. The family accused of writing the note has since fired back, denying the allegations and claiming that they not only left a tip, but have shown the receipt and credit card statements to prove it.

The Cheney sisters got into a public feud last month after Liz Cheney – who is running for senator of Wyoming – told FOX News that she “believes in the traditional definition of marriage.” Liz went on to say that while she loves her sister Mary, who is married to a woman, “this is just an issue on which we disagree.” Mary and her wife, Heather Poe, fired back on their Facebook pages, writing: “Liz – this isn’t just an issue on which we disagree, you’re just wrong – and on the wrong side of history.” Poe added that Liz’s anti-gay marriage stance is “offensive to say the least.” According to the The New York Times, she also brought up the residency controversy that has damaged Liz’s Senate campaign. “I can’t help but wonder how Liz would feel if as she moved from state to state, she discovered that her family was protected in one but not the other,” Poe wrote. “Yes, Liz, in 15 states and the District of Columbia, you are my sisterin-law.”

GAY MARRIAGE LEGAL IN ILLinois, HAWAII State lawmakers in Hawaii and Illinois passed measures that legalized gay marriage. Governors in both states – Gov. Pat Quinn in Illinois and Hawaiian Gov. Neil Abercrombie – signed the landmark legislation into law last month, bringing the total number of states allowing gay marriage to 16. In Hawaii, the law goes into effect Dec. 2; in Illinois, on June 1.

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In the news

international News

By Rachel Roth

BARILLA announces NEW “DIVERSITY AND INCLUSION” INITIATIVE Barilla Pasta has announced a major “diversity and inclusion” initiative in response to controversy surrounding homophobic remarks from the company’s CEO. Last month, Living Out reported that Guido Barilla sparked outrage among activists, consumers and some politicians when he said he would not consider using a gay family to advertise Barilla pasta because

gay families don’t represent traditional families. In a press release touting the company’s new initiatives, Chief Executive Officer Claudio Colzani said, “diversity, inclusion and equality have long been grounded in Barilla’s culture, values and code of conduct.” According to the press release, the new Diversity & Inclusion Board, a Global Diversity Officer, and participation in the HRC

Corporate Equality Index, are the result of meetings with civil and human rights leaders in Italy and the United States. Colzani emphasized that while the company has a long history of non-discriminatory practices, he also said [Barilla is] committed to promoting diversity further because “we firmly believe that it’s the right thing to do.”

EU COURT SAYS PERSECUTED GAY AND LESBIAN AFRICANS CAN SEEK ASYLUM The Russian government allegedly bugged an October meeting of GLBT and human rights activists in an apparent effort to monitor the group’s actions ahead of the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. BuzzFeed reported that audio from the private strategy meeting was broadcast on state television as “evidence of threats posed by homosexualists who attempt to infiltrate our country.” The meeting was presented to the public as a “for-reasons-unclear, closed-to-the-public conference funded by the Soros Foundation [organized because] foreigners were afraid the GLBT-ization of Russia is going too slowly.” The GLBT activists were instead discussing strategies for advancing GLBT rights during

the Olympic Games. According to BuzzFeed, one unidentified voice talked about campaigns that could be organized by Pride House International, which has been banned from sponsoring its own space in the Olympic Village in Sochi under Russia’s “homosexual propaganda” ban. The Russian government has actively suppressed public speech in support of GLBT rights under its ban on the “promotion of non-traditional sexual relations to minors,” but this is the first confirmed incident of government officials spying on GLBT activists in private meetings.

The Court of Justice of the European Union has ruled that three openly gay men seeking to immigrate to the Netherlands to escape persecution in Uganda, Sierra Leone and Senegal qualify for asylum. The ruling could potentially enable other GLBT Africans to seek asylum in the EU, if they meet certain criteria.

According to The Advocate, the court made it clear that the criminalization of homosexuality alone doesn’t justify asylum. “The acts of persecution must be sufficiently serious by their nature of repetition as to constitute a severe violation of human rights,” the court said.

VATICAN ASKS FOR PARISH-LEVEL INPUT ON GAY MARRIAGe Pope Francis has made his beliefs regarding same-sex marriage and GLBT Catholics known. Now, the Vatican is conducting a wideranging poll of Catholics asking for their opinions on church teachings on contraception, same-sex marriage and divorce. The poll, which comes in a questionnaire, will be sent to national bishops’ conferences globally in preparation for a Vatican synod on the family next October.

Archbishop Lorenzo Baldisseri, secretary general of the Vatican’s Synod of Bishops, asked the conferences to distribute the poll “immediately as widely as possible to deaneries and parishes so that input from local sources can be received.” According to The National Catholic Reporter, this is the first time the church’s central hierarchy has asked for such input from grass-roots Catholics since at least the establishment of the synod system following the Second Vatican Council.

GERMAN BABIES CAN BE ‘INDETERMINATE’ Germany will become the first European nation to introduce a third gender option on birth certificates. In addition to “male” and “female,” parents will have the option of selecting “blank.”

According to Der Spiegel, a new legislative change will enable parents to opt out of determining their baby’s gender, thereby allowing those born

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with characteristics of both sexes to choose whether to become male or female later in life. Under the new law, individuals can also opt to remain outside the gender binary altogether. It remains unclear how the change will affect gender assignment in other personal documents, like passports, which still require people to choose between male and female. LIVING OUT

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Long Island’s GLBT Population Speaks About Family, Faith, Community and What the Holidays Mean to Them

he holiday season is a time for cheer and celebration, but for some GLBT people, it is one that brings anxiety and stress. Already faced with its own, unique set of challenges that center around defining family, determining the role of faith in their lives, and dealing with angst over coming out to friends and relatives, overall feelings of sadness and exclusion seem to intensify around the season. And mainstream media certainly doesn’t help, as it fills us with “traditional,” “Leave it to Beaver” images of family gatherings with smiling parents and well-groomed children set around the dinner table for Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Kwanzaa and Christmas – a reality that probably never even existed in most American families in the 1950s. “For those of us GLBT people on Long Island who do not have accepting family members, any family, or family in the area, the holiday season can be absolutely horrific,” says Rob Balzarano, LMSW, Director of CARE Services for The Long Island GLBT Network. “Instead of experiencing the media images of love, goodwill, and celebration, some in the GLBT community can feel lonely, unloved, and often desperate. It is not until we create our ‘chosen family’ in which we actually decide the people in our lives that we cherish, truly love, respect and want to spend the holidays with that we are able to feel a true sense of home for the holidays.” For Adelphi University student Shannen Murphy, she remembers Christmas Eve with her family as, among other things, a time of discomfort and anxiousness. As she tells it, her earliest memories from around age 5 are of her mother’s family visiting the house for the holiday, which always included her two gay uncles. It wasn’t that their sexual orientation was so much the source of her angst, 8

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but rather, her family’s aversion and silence in talking about it. “By the time I was around 12, most of the family started to wither away and it was really only my two gay uncles who would visit every year,” she explains. “And my family never talked about the fact that they were together. I had to figure it out by myself. And by them not talking about it, it gave me an awkward feeling – that it was something we didn’t discuss at home – and that would make Christmas uneasy for me.” Murphy, who has since come out herself as Queer, is part of a group of youth at Long Island Gay & Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) who meet every Tuesday night at The Long Island GLBT Community Center in Garden City Center for a video project called TRUE Calling. LIGALY’s TRUE Calling project consists of dozens of youth, ages 1321, who are encouraged to express themselves through various types of performance art and then put these skills into action by creating a series of videos aimed at their colleagues. This season, the group worked to create a video that would express their feelings surrounding the holidays. Using words like “confusing,” “anxiety inducing,” “nerve wracking,” and “depressing,” the spot exemplifies how the subject resonated with the group.

somewhere to put them. Towards the end of the video, we talk about how LIGALY, the TRUE Calling project and other programs can build that sense of community and family that we may not get otherwise during the holidays and have other times of the year. The message really is that we need to take care of each other when our blood kin can’t.” Max Micallef, a 16-year-old gay high school student from Sag Harbor, agrees with Murphy that as a younger child, the holidays were sometimes uncomfortable for him as well. “It was kind of awkward for me sometimes when my grandpa or uncle would say, ‘Oh, you’re a handsome boy, why don’t you have a girlfriend?’ I would just laugh and try to brush it off, but it was definitely uncomfortable. When I did come out, they stopped asking me about who I was dating. I mean, they didn’t ask me, ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’” Micallef says that his greatest source of anxiety was brought on when he came out to both his immediate and extended family, just prior to the Patchogue holidays a few years ago. “After telling my parents, I told my other relatives over the phone because they live in other states – so my first Christmas out, my first faceto-face with them after they knew, was at my aunt’s in New Jersey. I felt anxious thinking that things were going to change, even though I knew in the back of my mind that my parents loved me and it wasn’t going to be an issue,” he explains. “Nothing had changed at all. I was just in my own head being paranoid. But my family didn’t treat me any differently. I wasn’t

“Ultimately, my life is more important than a Christmas tree.” -Bob Maletta,

“We talked about the emotional toll the holidays can bring on youth, those who don’t feel like their families support them,” says Murphy. “We focused on silence – who you are out to and not out to – and how it can be difficult around the holidays and how it helps to get it all off our chests. Feelings can get messy if you don’t have

gay Max, I was still Max. And since coming out, I lost the anxiety.” “As a kid, all I thought about on Chanukah was that my family got together and there would be gifts,” says Elyse, a 28-year-old lesbian who lives in Syosset. “We always spent Chanukah at my uncle’s house. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school when some of my older cousins started to bring their girlfriends and boyfriends to our holiday dinner. By the time I was in my first year in college, when I finally came out as a lesbian and had my first girlfriend, it really bothered me. I wanted to bring my girlfriend with me to my uncle’s, but I didn’t feel like I could. When I finally came out to my parents, my father didn’t actually say it to me, but I think he was embarrassed. We had a family friend who was a Rabbi … and he came to the dinners, too. And I don’t think my father wanted him to know about me.” Elyse says that there were a few years when she stopped attending her family’s Chanukah dinners, due to her family’s lack of support. Instead, she spent the holiday with friends. “It definitely made me feel alone.” Shortly following college graduation, she says her mother asked if she would come to the next Chanukah dinner. “I said I would come, but only if I could bring my girlfriend. Everyone basically treated her like she was my ‘friend,’ – that’s the word my mother used,” she laughs. “They didn’t treat her the same way as they did my cousin’s girlfriends or boyfriends. They’ve since warmed up to things with me, but it took a few years to get to that point.” Many senior members of the community, too, admit to having mixed feelings about the holiday season. According to Lou Lisi, an 87-year-old

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out on li “Modern Family” (right) offers a fresh and updated look to the “traditional” Norman Rockwell (left) family images of holidays past. being transgender, if I showed up in a dress, I don’t think they’d let me in the church. I’d like to be able to celebrate my faith as who I feel like I really am, Missy.”

gay man from Bay Shore, he didn’t come out until he was 67. For him, the biggest change during the holidays was when his wife passed away nine years ago. “She really made a big fuss about holidays,” he says. “We had an attic full of holiday decorations. But when she died, everything got quiet. But I had always felt pressured and overwhelmed during that time of year because I felt a lot was expected of me that I couldn’t live up to. As time went on, rather than be uncomfortable, I tried to tell myself that it was just another day. So, that’s how I get through the holidays.” While he does spend time with his children, one of his sons prefers not to discuss Lisi’s lifestyle. “I feel like there’s

with a whole bunch of friends. This is where I belong and I’m happy here. Ultimately, my life is more important than a Christmas tree.” As far as the role faith plays in his holiday? “I was born and raised an Italian Catholic. I was an alter boy and I was always very faith-based. I still have that faith but I don’t practice the way I used to practice. I have felt alienated from the church, knowing how the church feels about me as a gay man. I don’t agree with their doctrine and I don’t necessarily practice going to church but I’ll always be a Catholic.” Missy, a senior trans woman from Hempstead who has lost many of her relatives, shares, “My family knows about me but doesn’t want me to wear a dress or heels on Christmas.” Garden City She explains that for her, she likes to celebrate her faith during Christmas, but “I can go to church and celebrate as a male, but

“The message really is that we need to take care of each other when our blood kin can’t.” -Shannen Murphy,

a wall between us; like I’m not fully accepted or that he’s ashamed of me. We still get together, but we just don’t talk about it. I feel uncomfortable about that.”

Explaining that her faith is important to her, Missy says, “I’ve done performances as an actor. And in one church, they had me perform as Jesus, along with some other people, and I’m thinking, ‘Here we are, in a church, performing onstage and basically it’s a bunch of men wearing dresses, and that’s fine. Yet if I showed up at the front door, in dress and makeup, they wouldn’t let me in the church. It’s just ironic.” For members of the community who are looking to celebrate their faith around the holiday season, there are some houses of worship on Long Island that either are open to “all” Long Islanders or have services for the GLBT Community.

has collaborated on various events with LIGALY’s Aleph Project (which addresses the challenges that GLBT Jewish youth and their families face when identifying safe and welcoming Jewish spaces). Rabbi Zerbarini says that when she came out as a lesbian in 1985, “it seemed like a different world. There were a few years when I lived in San Francisco and it was a good thing to be 3,000 miles away from my family. Now, it is a very wonderful thing to be back on Long Island, living near my folks and being able to celebrate holidays with my parents and my in-laws and to be all together.” As a rabbi, faith has played an important role in Rabbi Zerbarini’s life, not just for the holidays, but, as she explains, “in challenges in selfacceptance and the ability to be out. It took me a little while to find a faith community that was accepting. When I found one with some folks who were

One such place is the Sid Jacobson Jewish Community Center (SJJCC) in East Hills. “We are not a synagogue, so we don’t have holiday services, and we don’t have a huge GLBT population here, but we do have a Chanukah candle lighting and family workshops that are open to everybody – and we do get families of all configurations, including gay and lesbian families,” says Rabbi Zerbarini, director of Weinberger Center for Jewish Life & Learning, SJJCC, who

Bob Maletta, a 70-year-old East Patchogue gay man, says he has always loved the holidays, but after 28 years of marriage, he had an awakening. “I told my wife a year into therapy that I had to end our marriage because I was gay. And so, for the holidays, I went from having 20 people sitting around a table, to it being just my partner and myself at the time. It was a bit of a shock. But you know what? I’m always so thankful I did what I did. I now spend Christmas with my partner in Florida, where we have a small tree we put on the table. I’m with the person I want to be with and we’re

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out on li very openly supportive, I felt like, ‘Here I can do this in a religious context.’ I felt very supported. I needed a context where I could be both gay and religious because I couldn’t really do an either or.” According to Rabbi Zerbarini, “The real Chanukah miracle is not that the oil burned for eight days instead of one, but that people went ahead and lit the oil when they didn’t have enough – it’s a holiday of hope and of acting on hope. And certainly in the GLBT civil rights movement, we’ve come so far in the last 40 years, maybe even in many arenas, way beyond where we would have thought, and its people having hope and then acting on it and creating miracles. So, I think it’s a holiday for all of us.”

gay administrator, webmaster, and events coordinator at Little Portion’s Friary in Mount Sinai. “If we’re talking about spirituality then we’re talking about acceptance, wholeness, and integration,” says Brother Mark. “So, when you speak about the kinds of things we’re doing here, well, there isn’t any question that whatever we do is open to the public. It’s an open table for communion and all the Hempstead events are open.”

“I can go to church and celebrate as a male, but being transgender, if I showed up in a dress, I don’t think they’d let me in the church.” -Missy,

Brother Mark Gregory D’Alessio is a Franciscan friar with the Episcopal Society of St. Francis, an activist in the GLBT community, and an openly

made and so the wisdom now is that we are to celebrate diversity.” According to Reverend Gale D. Jones, a lesbian and faith leader with the Long Island Community Fellowship in Bay Shore, for many members of the GLBT community, the experiences in just connecting with family tends to be a big issue during the holiday season. “When you see the holiday ads, they often bring us back to our childhood memories, and to that sense of connection with family. Unfortunately, too often we don’t necessarily have that connection with our blood families.” Jones continues that there are a number of affirming congregations

on Long Island for the GLBT community. For Christmas, the church offers a number of services, and a brunch on Christmas morning that follows the service. And for those who don’t necessarily have families in the area, there’s usually a general invitation from one of the members to make certain that people have somewhere to go on that day to celebrate. “Since it’s a season of giving, I say invite a friend or even an acquaintance or two to dinner for the holidays until they’ve created their own chosen family,” adds Balzarano. “Whether that includes you or not, what a genuine gift it is to be able to give.”

Brother Mark continues, “Some people turn to so many different kinds of things when they think that God doesn’t love them. And when we talk about the GLBT community, there are some people who aren’t part of their family any longer or they are people who have created large, extended families, so there are all different ways to live out that spirituality. What we say here is that you can do all of that in church. And the GLBT part is not a broken part, that’s how you’ve been

LIGALY CONFERENCE: SBU IN MARCH 2014 unique needs of the community, learn how to become better advocates, and create positive change.

The 19th Annual Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender (GLBT) Conference, Long Island’s only annual GLBT-specific conference, will take place on March 10, 2014 from 8 a.m. – 3 p.m. at Stony Brook University.

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Long Island’s GLBT conference each year focuses on GLBT issues and educates and empowers its attendees to address the needs of GLBT people throughout the lifespan in their schools, campuses, workplaces and communities. Since 1996, The Long Island GLBT Conference has provided an opportunity for hundreds of middle, high school, and college students, educators, higher education professionals, health and human service providers, and community members each year to discuss the

This day-long event, coordinated by Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY), the Long Island GLBT Community Center (The Center), and Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders – Long Island (SAGE-LI), will offer conference participants a wide range of sessions, including more than 20 diverse workshops including issues around youth, older adults, health needs, HIV/AIDS, community and school organizing, social justice and more. Registration will open on January 2, 2014 and includes steep discounts for those that sign up early. Earlybird discount registration of $10 for students and $50 for adults is available through February 7, 2014. Registration fees include breakfast, lunch, and all conference materials. For more information please visit www. liglbtnetwork.org/conference or e-mail conference@liglbtnetwork.org

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feature

by Linda Romanello

LIVING OUT

Join the conversation! Visit our Facebook page at facebook.com/ livingoutli and tell us what your favorite cover or story is so far.

Celebrates One Year Anniversary The inaugural issue of Living Out as a monthly newspaper covering GLBT culture, community and Long Island life, was launched one year ago. Received with high praise, Living Out has, over the past year, not only brought daily life articles on travel, music, books, TV, fashion and news to more than 3 million Long Islanders, but has also reported on some of our community’s toughest and most important issues. From featuring an in-depth interview with Maroon 5 front man Adam Levine, who passionately supports gay rights, as well as other music icons such as Barbra Streisand, Melissa Etheridge and Jewel, to tackling anti-GLBT bullying in schools, trans Long Islanders offering first-hand accounts of family, acceptance, discrimination and violence, and the demise of DOMA, Living Out has kept you connected to Long Island life and GLBT culture. We invite you to celebrate our one year anniversary with a look back at some memorable quotes and stories.

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“IT’S JUST SO SILLY AND IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME THAT YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO MARRY WHOMEVER YOU WANT TO MARRY. IT’S NOT OUR BUSINESS. I DON’T KNOW WHY WE’RE OBSESSED WITH MAKING EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY OUR BUSINESS, ALL THE TIME.” –ADAM LEVINE DECEMBER 2012

“THERE’S SOMEBODY YOU CAN TURN TO AND DON’T GIVE UP … ‘CAUSE IF YOU KILL YOURSELF, THEN THERE’LL BE TOO MANY STRAIGHT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, AND NOBODY WANTS THAT.” –LISA LAMPANELLI (ON ADVICE TO GLBT YOUTH TO STAY STRONG) JANUARY 2013

“MY SON DOESN’T SEE ME AS A GAY ICON. HE SEES ME AS HIS MOTHER WHO TOUCHES HIS HAIR TOO MUCH. NO – I LOVE BEING AN ICON TO ANYBODY. EQUAL RIGHTS, YOU KNOW!” –BARBRA STREISAND FEBRUARY 2013

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“IT’S GREAT TO BE A PART OF A WEDDING WHERE IT SPEAKS SO CLEARLY OF THE COUPLE. YOU WALK AWAY KNOWING THEM BETTER AND FEELING PART OF SOMETHING.” –DAVID TUTERA MARCH 2013

“THE SHOW NEVER CLAIMED TO BE A PIECE OF ACTIVISM, BUT THERE WAS SOMETHING PROFOUND ABOUT SEEING THE FIVE OF US GENUINELY CARE ABOUT THIS GUY AND HIS FUTURE.” –TED ALLEN (ON FORMER SERIES “QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY”) APRIL 2013

“I THOUGHT ABOUT GAY COUPLES NO LONGER HAVING TO DEFEND THE LEGITIMACY OF THEIR FAMILIES. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE BEGINNING OF THE END OF STIGMA, AND ULTIMATELY THE END OF ABUSE AND BASHING AND INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA AND LYING ABOUT WHO WE ARE – AND SUICIDES.” –EDIE WINDSOR (AFTER THE HISTORIC U.S. SUPREME COURT DECISION STRIKING DOWN DOMA) JULY/AUGUST 2013

“BECOMING A PARENT IN THE ‘NON-TRADITIONAL’ WAY REQUIRES A LOT… AND EVERY STEP OF THE PROCESS CAN BE EXCITING AND STRESSFUL.” –JENNIFER DUKOFF SEPTEMBER 2013

“YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT WILL TOUCH SOMEBODY AND GIVE THEM THAT LITTLE SOMETHING TO KEEP GOING AND KEEP FIGHTING FOR WHAT’S UNIQUE ABOUT THEM.”

“IF YOU HAVE TOP ADMINISTRATORS WHO ARE HOMOPHOBIC, THEN THAT’S GOING TO GET COMMUNICATED DOWN BELOW THEM.” –LINDA FAZIO, SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST (“GLBTINCLUSION: THE SOLUTION TO LI’S BULLYING EPIDEMIC”) OCTOBER 2013

–JEWEL MAY 2013

“YOUR WORD IS ALL THAT YOU HAVE. EVERY CHOICE THAT YOU MAKE, THE WORDS THAT YOU SAY AND THE THOUGHTS THAT YOU THINK CREATE WHAT’S IN FRONT OF YOU. WALK WITH AS MUCH TRUTH AS YOU CAN FIND, AND IT’LL HELP YOUR JOURNEY.” –MELISSA ETHERIDGE JUNE 2013

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“THERE IS ALWAYS A PAIN IN MY HEART NOT BEING ACCEPTED BY THE PEOPLE I LOVE JUST BECAUSE OF WHO I AM.” –BARBARA, TRANS WOMAN (“THE TRANS EXPERIENCE ON LONG ISLAND”) NOVEMBER 2013

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LIVING OUT

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out on LI

PROJECT HELM Gains Momentum Long Island Uninsured and Underinsured Secure Health Coverage

Felipe, a gay man from Sag Harbor, came to Project HELM with his Spanish-speaking parents, who had not yet received their citizenship, and were both uninsured. His mother had been injured during Superstorm Sandy, and the hospital bills were huge. They were fearful that another accident could force them into bankruptcy. Project HELM enrolled the couple into Emergency Medicaid, a program that provides limited medical coverage in emergency situations to individuals who are not eligible for other insurance coverage because of their immigration status.

families, it is the first time they’ve been able to get insurance. During its info sessions, Project HELM staff and volunteers are on-hand to answer the many questions about the Affordable Care Act, describe the expanded health benefits (free preventative screenings, mental health coverage, expanded prescription drug coverage), and enroll individuals through the New York State Insurance Marketplace. The next scheduled information session is set for Thursday, December 12th at 6:30 p.m. at The Network’s Garden City location. In honor of World AIDS Day, the session will feature information on how ADAP (the AIDS Drug Assistance Program) works with the New York State health insurance marketplace.

According to Elizabeth Munsky, Certified Application Counselor for PROJECT HELM (Healthcare Enrollment for the LGBT Market), a project of The Long Island GLBT Services Network, it’s people just like Felipe and his parents that truly benefit from the new healthcare insurance marketplace. “They were so relieved to know that they would be covered if there was

another medical emergency, they hugged me,” said Munsky. “Unpaid medical bills is the number one reason for bankruptcy in the United States, and one of the most important reasons to get enrolled in the new healthcare insurance marketplace. No one plans to get sick or injured, but if it happens and you’re uninsured or underinsured, the medical bills can drain your finances fast.” Munsky explained in an information session held at the Long Island GLBT Center in Bay Shore last month, “This is my driving reason to get our community enrolled in affordable insurance under the Affordable Care Act.” Project HELM holds drop-in hours at all three of the Network’s centers for Long Islanders seeking more information about the Affordable Care Act, and to help them get enrolled. For many individuals and

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Upcoming Deadlines: Individuals who enroll in the new healthcare marketplace by December 23rd will see their new insurance begin on January 1st, but the enrollment period is extended through March 31st, 2014. For those who enroll after December 15th, insurance coverage will start the following month.

Project HELM Drop-in hours: – Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. in Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave. – Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. in Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110 – 2nd & 4th Tuesdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. in Sag Harbor, 44 Union Street. For more information or to make an appointment, contact The Long Island GLBT Services Network at 516.323.0011 or 631.665.2300, or email enroll@liglbtnetwork.org LIVING OUT

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out and about

Best T.v. shows

by meryl lumba

What Are You Watching? Here’s a Look at The Best TV Shows of 2013 This year, we’ve seen a lot of television wins and fails. New series like “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” are horribly trying to spin a story from the Marvel franchise while viewers fear that longrunning shows like “The Big Bang Theory” won’t know when to stop producing (“Glee,” we’re looking at you, too). Heavy-hitter newbies like “Sleepy Hollow” were received well, as it spun the classic literary tale and made room for

1. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

a female lead of color. Some shows in their second year, like “The Newsroom” and “Once Upon a Time,” have been teeter-tottering in success and content. Then there’s a whole section of television that we’re surprised were successful pitches, such as “Anger Management” (apparently someone out there still loves Charlie Sheen), “Amish Mafia” or any ridiculous mash-up of the

2. Orange is the New Black

Unapologetically funny, we were afraid this show was going down the toilet. Even though the show moved to a different channel and it reached its 9th season (and is renewed for a 10th!), the past few seasons have been dull. “Always Sunny” proved us wrong, though, and returned to its original, irreverent humor. And for that, we’re relieved.

Which show do you think was the best of 2013? Vote for your favorite on our Facebook page at facebook.com/livingoutli and see how your show stacks up against the competition.

This Netflix exclusive series rose to fame and popularity seemingly overnight, and rightfully so. From covering most of the unspoken issues of our society to the dark humor of its somewhat insane characters, this show is worth the time and the accolades. And Laura Prepon will be back! Kind of...

3. Masters of Sex

Showtime’s new drama is based on a biography, telling the tale of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, two pioneers in the exploration of human sexuality. Brilliant and fascinating, we anticipate this show to be around a while.

LIAAC, the Long Island Association for AIDS Care, Inc. is a non-profit agency delivering comprehensive services to all Long Islanders infected and affected by HIV/AIDS and other infectious diseases.

IT DIRECTOR

“Real Housewives” or “Real Husbands” series. Really, who cares? And is anyone else falling asleep watching “The Walking Dead” this season? We’d rather watch “MasterChef Junior” and feel bad about our lack of finesse in the kitchen than sit through another hour of a “Ricktatorship.” Regardless, we’ve rounded up five shows that television managed to get right this season.

4. Breaking Bad

5. Modern Family

The final season of this anxietyinducing series aired in August and left fans satisfied with its trueto-the-show conclusion. Watch for yourself! For those of you not caught up on the “Breaking Bad” drama, you can watch all of its previous seasons on Netflix.

This show is in its fifth season and still manages to make us laugh and cry — at the same time. While “Modern Family” is finally being syndicated on other channels, as it deserves, we’re happy to see that each week brings us refreshingly quippy and heart-warming moments.

Know Your Status for you and your partner

In this vital role, you will oversee all aspects of the IT department to

ensure the efficient operation of the computer network system including LAN Administration, as well as the agency telecommunication systems. Manage all computer and telecommunication operations to ensure efficiency. Responsible for the operation and maintenance of the agency computer and telecommunications network. Troubleshoot computer network, telecommunication and related peripheral problems. Orient new employees to IT policies and procedures and use of computer and telephone systems. Setup new staff on voice mail and internal email. Supervise the Network Support Assistant. BA or BS required, Master’s degree preferred. Must have experience with computer network system administration. Two years LAN experience along with two to three years’ computer experience and related certificates required. Supervisory experience is necessary. Hours are 9am – 5:30pm. Salary – Up to $75,000 per year depending on experience.

60 Adams Ave., Hauppauge, New York 11788 Attention: Robert Nicoletti, Human Resources Email: nlindemann@liaac.org • Fax: 631-656-7235 • Excellent benefits. Please check our website at www.liaac.org for other open positions and services and follow us on Facebook. LIAAC is an Equal Opportunity Employer

Free HIV and STD/STI Testing Available during drop-in hours and by appointment at all locations of The Long Island GLBT Community Center.

Drop-In Hours The Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Avenue, Bay Shore Every Wednesday, 5-8pm

The Center at Garden City 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110 Garden City Every Thursday, 5-8pm

The Hamptons GLBT Center 44 Union Street, Sag Harbor First Friday of the month, 4-8pm

Free, quick and confidential testing for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact Lambert Liu, HIV/STI Outreach and Testing Program Manager at lliu@ligaly.org or 516.323.0011.

WORLD AIDS DAY – DECEMBER 1ST

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Music Review

by Gregg shapiro

ul of Chris o S t

Th e

iMusic: The Holiday Season's Must-Have Tinsel Tunes m

From holiday classics to the newly released, here is a look at some top picks that are sure to get the festivities going.

Gladys Knight & The Pips’ Christmas discs: The Christmas Album (1975) That Special Time of Year (1982) The Classic Christmas Album (2013)

b ow

a ll s t o M a tz

a ll s

Fr o m

Johnny Mathis Sending You A Little Christmas

Mary J. Blige A Mary Christmas

Barbra Streisand The Classic Christmas Album mas Presen ist t( r s h

)

out and about

Il Volo The Christmas Album

Mindy Smith Snowed In

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calendar of events Professionals Networking Mixer Thursday, December 5th, 6-9 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Join fellow GLBT and allied professionals for an evening of cocktails and socializing. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

SAGE-LI Outing and Dinner Friday, December 6th, 6-9 p.m. Hicks Nursery, 100 Jericho Tpke., Westbury SAGE-LI will be meeting at Hicks Nursery for a walk-thru of the new animated Christmas story. Dinner will follow at 6 p.m. at Old Westbury Diner. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

LITE Potluck Holiday Party Wednesday, December 11th, 7-10 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Announcing the Long Island Trans Experience (LITE) Potluck Holiday Party celebrating the many holidays during this season. An opportunity to bring your family, friends, and loved ones to a celebration here at The Long Island GLBT Community Center. Bring your favorite dish and/or desert and share it with everyone! It will be an evening of fun and laughter.

Project HELM Info Session Thursday, December 12th, 6:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Have your questions about the Affordable Care Act answered at this informational session. In honor of World AIDS Day, this session will also feature information on how ADAP works with the New York State Health Insurance Marketplace. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

LIFE in Nassau Holiday Party Thursday, December 12th, 6:30-9 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Long Island Fetish Events (LIFE) holds its potluck party. Cost is $5. Bring a dish, and a gift valued at $15 to participate in the grab bag.

7th Annual Network Holiday Potluck Party Friday, December 13th, 6-10 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Join LIGALY, The Center, and Sage-LI for our 7th Annual potluck affair! Please bring a dish along with your holiday spirit. Everybody is welcome! RSVP is required by Monday, December 9th. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

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SAGE-LI Holiday Dinner Friday, December 20th, 6-9 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Join us for a catered dinner, potluck desserts, holiday music, dancing and great company! Please feel free to bring family, friends and loved ones! www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

AlAnon Wednesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

AlAnon Thursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Closed group for all ages. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Alcoholics Anonymous Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Aleph Project Youth Meetings Tuesdays, 6-7 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City The Aleph Project supports LGBT Jewish youth, their friends and allies, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Brother2Brother 1st Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing: Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st Friday of the month, 4-8 p.m. The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Drop-In Insurance Enrollment: Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City

Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 2nd and 4th Tuesdays, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor Free insurance benefits screening and enrollment under the Affordable Care Act www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Garden City Mingle Tuesdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden City. www. sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Hampton Bays Mingle 2nd/4th Thursdays, 3-5 p.m. Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the East End. www. sageli.org, 631.665.2300

LIFE in Nassau 2nd Thursdays, 6:30-9 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City LIFE in Nassau meets every second Thursday. Open to adults of all genders and orientations with an interest in BDSM topics.

LIGALY Advisory Board Mondays, 7-8 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza., Suite 110, Garden City Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Bowl Long Island, 138 West Rd., Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League. LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group Wednesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st/3rd Mondays, 8-9 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Living PositHIVly 2nd/4thThursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City A support group for GLBT people living with HIV/AIDS. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Monday Mingle Mondays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore, SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www. sageli.org, 631.665.2300

OUTlet Fridays, 8 p.m.-Midnight The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends ages 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Parent Support Group 1st/3rd Thursdays, 6-7 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 2nd/4th Mondays, 6-7 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City

TRUE Calling Youth Video Project Tuesdays, 5 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City LIGALY is offering a great opportunity for black and Latino gay and bisexual youth and their friends to show off their skills! Sing, act, dance, or perform. www. ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Women 2 Women Tuesdays, 7:15-8:45 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore W2W is dedicated to providing a safe and supportive space for lesbians age 40+. www.w2wli.org, 631.921.8368

Youth Group Tuesdays, 5-6 p.m. The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor All East End youth should come check out this new hot GLBT spot. Every Tuesday is a fun interactive youth group: hang out with others in the lounge. You won’t want to miss it!

Send your upcoming events to: editor@ livingoutli.org

Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Suffolk Thursdays, 6-8 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Sag Harbor Mingle 1st and 3rd Thursdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor

The Hamptons GLBT Center is officially open and SAGE-LI is bringing a Mingle to Sag Harbor! Bring your friends and come meet new ones.

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

TRUE Social Discussion Group 4th Fridays, 6-7:30 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www.ligaly. org, 516.323.0011

Exciting Career Opportunities! Grow at The Network and make a difference in the lives of GLBT Long Islanders

Open Positions HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program Leaders (Part-Time)

Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is seeking two (2) part-time HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program Leaders for an average of 10-12 hours per week. The Outreach and Testing Program Leaders work with the HIV/STD Testing and Outreach Unit to conduct a variety of activities to promote getting tested for HIV and STDs and educating gay and bisexual men about how to reduce risky sexual behaviors. Outreach and Testing Program Leaders will provide HIV/STD testing, deliver counseling, testing and referral services, distribute safer sex materials, conduct outreach in bars, clubs, commercial sex venues, community events and other locations and engage young people for HIV/STD prevention programming. We are looking for someone with HIV Counseling, Testing and Referral (CTR) experience or a willingness to be trained; willing to work flexible hours; outgoing personality; active NYS Driver’s License and reliable transportation; commitment and experience with the GLBT and HIV community; excellent organizational and oral and written skills. Preferred qualifications include bilingual English/Spanish and phlebotomy training. High School degree or GED required.

Van Driver (Part-Time)

Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is currently seeking a van driver to pick up and drop off youth from both Suffolk and Nassau counties for LIGALY’s programs. The Van Driver assures safe and reliable transportation to and from LIGALY programs for youth. We are looking for someone with a clean and valid New York State-issued driver’s license; basic automotive maintenance skills; an ability to exercise good judgment; flexible availability afternoon/evenings and a commitment to the GLBT youth community. Preferred additional qualifications include having a GPS to help navigate Nassau and Suffolk and/or a knowledge of MapQuest/Google maps; experience working with youth, particularly youth from at-risk populations and knowledge of first-aid/CPR.

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THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE Beautifully restored 1933 Art Deco Theater. Eclectic, upscale venue with supper club seating. Live performances, comedy, music and family shows! Join us for dinner and a show! SHIRLEY ALSTON REEVES Original lead singer of the Shirelles Friday, Dec 6 at 8pm LONG ISLAND COMEDY FESTIVAL: HOLIDAY COMEDY BASH Saturday, Dec 7 at 8pm CHRISTMAS ON BROADWAY Saturday, Dec 14 at 8pm NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY OF THE YEAR Celebrate with us in your sparkling best!

Tuesday, Dec 31 at 8pm

Doors open 90 minutes prior to show for dinner.

Host Your Private Event : Holiday Parties • Weddings • Galas • Bar & Bat Mitzvahs Sweet 16’s • Quinceañeras’s • Trade Shows • Corporate Events Fundraisers • Showcases • Film & Photo Shoots We offer New American Cuisine Dining, Two Full Service Bars, Theatrical Lightning, State-of-the-Art Sound System & Movie Theater Projection Screen along with Event Planning Services. Have a unique event in a unique place!

At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.

Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program Through our Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program, you’ll have a strong foundation to reach your goals. Our most successful Financial Professional Associates are strong communicators and relationship builders with a drive for results. They’re men and women from all walks of life. Join us now and you’ll also be able to: • • • •

ENJOY excellent compensation potential PARTICIPATE in a ﬂexible training plan LEARN through on-the-job sales experiences EARN your professional licenses

Prudential received a 100% score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for programs and practices that are inclusive of LGBT employees, consumers and investors. Find out why our diversity is also our strength. For more information, please contact: Rony A. Nehme CLU®, LUTCF, CLTC Managing Director Email: rony.nehme@prudential.com Phone: 516-794-6175

©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify. 0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013

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be scene Transgender day of remembrance wednesday, november 20th at the Long island GLBT center at bay shore Over 75 Long Islanders came out to show their support for ending anti-transgender bias and violence.

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living healthy parenting

by laurie segal

ask laurie

Gift & Give Back This Holiday Season It is so easy to get caught up in the tumult of the holidays. We schlep and shop, cook and feed but often overlook the real meaning of giving thanks. It is important to take pause and recognize all your family has rather than what it wants or needs. It is also a wonderful time to teach children what it means to give back. There are many terrific organizations right here on Long Island that sponsor volunteer activities for children and families throughout the holiday season, including UJA Federation, Meals on Wheels, The Inn Soup Kitchen and Long Island Cares Food Pantry, just to name a few. Children of all ages should be encouraged to participate. The key is finding common areas of interest for the children and the family and setting age-appropriate guidelines that will enhance the experience. Here are some suggestions: Children Ages 4-7 Children this age appreciate being involved in any family activity and their enthusiasm can be contagious. Let them help purchase canned items at the grocery store for a food pantry, color holiday cards for veterans or help bake cookies for a homeless shelter. All of these tasks can be done with a parent, grandparent or caretaker right by their side explaining why it is important to help and care for others.

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Children Ages 8-12 By this age, children are more aware of the differences in the way people live. They have a basic understanding of poverty and homelessness. They are at an age where they can be encouraged to help others in a more active way. Maybe once a year the whole family can go through their warm clothing and pick coats and hats to donate. Many families designate one personal holiday gift as a donation gift. Some deliver a home-cooked meal to a family less fortunate. Others participate in a local cleanup project or attend a sing-a-long at a nursing home through their church or synagogue. All of these activities allow children to be exposed to those in need in a safe and structured way, strengthening their sense of empathy.

Children Ages 13 and up If you have never exposed your child to a community project, start off slowly and do something fun, like a walk-athon or a bake sale to raise money for a worthy organization. Find a food pantry in your area and then shop and stock the shelves yourselves. If they have had some experience, join a group that is painting a recreation center. If your children like animals, encourage them to volunteer a few hours at an animal rescue and adoption center. Many organizations have opportunities for junior volunteers for community service credit. Overall, it is true that it is better to give than receive, but it is your job to instill these values in your children in a safe, progressive and meaningful way. Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy Holiday and New Year!

Dear Laurie, I am a working mom and every year feel completely overwhelmed by the holidays. At my office, the workload gets busier because we’re trying to finish up projects before the holiday break. At home, I have two small children and a partner and am trying to decorate, buy gifts, prepare the house for friends and family dinners, etc. I feel like there’s just not enough time in the day to handle it all – please help! –Crazy in Centereach Dear Crazy in Centereach, First of all, Happy Holidays! Secondly, take a deep breath; everything is going to be OK! The key to a happy holiday season is to set reasonable expectations for yourself and for those around you. Prioritize. Make a list of what really matters most and let go of the things that don’t make it to the top half of the list. The key to life is not doing it all, but doing your best and enjoying as much as you can. Your family and friends will understand if you cut corners. You might even become a role model for those who are struggling to balance things themselves. When you feel the most stressed, count your blessings. You have a job, a partner, children, friends and family. It doesn’t get much better than that!

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Do you dream of being a parent? Have lots of love to share?

Law Office of

Faith Getz Rousso ADOP TION ATTORNEY

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Same sex couples • Single Parent Adoption • 2nd Parent Adoption • Foster care adoption Contact the Law Office of Faith Getz Rousso for a free consultation Law Office of Faith Getz Rousso 128 Front Street Mineola, NY 11501 www.privateadoptlaw.com Tel: 516-500-9292

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living healthy wellness

by dr. bill blazey

Seasonal Affective Disorder Winter weather brings excitement to many people who scheduled holiday festivities and trips to the countryside ski lodges. However, for some, the shorter days lead to feelings that closely mimic depression and can result in losing interest in activities that used to bring them joy. In some cases, the “winter time blues” may be something more serious called Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD. Depression and SAD are very similar in their symptoms. However, a person with SAD feels good during the summer and then develops symptoms in the late fall. This disorder can cause you to feel depressed, irritable, distracted and may cause you to avoid social events that you typically would enjoy. Often, people will brush off these symptoms of SAD by saying that they are just going into “hibernation” and want to sleep more (and eat more, too). A true case of SAD will resolve on its own as the days get longer in the spring, but there is no reason to suffer throughout the winter. If you have any of these symptoms, you should see your doctor to assist you with making the correct diagnosis (sometimes hormonal problems can be the cause) and to guide you to a proper treatment.

Treating SAD can and should be done with a whole mind and body and environmental approach. The main theory behind the cause of this disorder is that as the days grow shorter, and there’s a lack of light, it can cause changes in a person’s brain chemistry. Neurotransmitters such as serotonin and melatonin may not be regulated as well as in the summer and factors like Vitamin D are often decreased. It is not exactly known why some people are affected more than others; however, studies show that people who live farther from the equator have higher rates of SAD. In addition, the disorder’s symptoms can make the disorder worse by the isolation that people may self-impose when affected. As in most disorders the best treatment is prevention and this can’t be truer than for SAD. Ensuring adequate exposure to light is critical, even if it’s not natural light, and there are a couple of ways to achieve this. Just by keeping a desk light on while at work or turning on a few extra lights throughout the house in the evening may be all that you need to avoid winter blues. However, light therapy (phototherapy) is the first-line, non-medical treatment

for SAD. With light therapy you are exposed to bright light (20-30 times brighter than an average light bulb) for 30 minutes a day and results are often seen within a few days. While light therapy has very few risks, you should talk with your doctor before starting treatment and also make sure to get a high-quality light therapy box. If the symptoms are severe and have a negative impact on your quality of life, then medications are often used to treat these episodes. Your doctor will first ensure that you have no underlying medical issue that needs to be treated, such as an underactive thyroid. Antidepressants that are commonly used for depression are used for treating SAD. Often it takes a couple of weeks for the medication to take effect, so be patient and talk with your doctor if you have concerns. If medications solve the problem, then you could

restart them the following year prior to having symptoms. Your doctor may often suggest counselling or therapy as well to help understand patterns of your mood and coping strategies. For a healthy mind, you need a healthy body to support it. It is important to stay active. Exercising for 30 minutes a day will boost endorphins and decrease the toll of stress on your mind. Organizing physical activity with friends can help motivate you to get out of the house when you’d rather stay under the comforter. As difficult as it may be during the holidays, it is important to eat a balanced diet, as well. If you think you have these symptoms, you are not alone. All it takes is a simple visit with your doctor to ensure that you can truly have a Happy Holiday and a Healthy New Year!

about the author: William R. Blazey, D.O. is an assistant professor of Family Medicine at NYIT’s College of Osteopathic Medicine.

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living smart travel

by Manny velÁsquez-paredes

Winter Getaways in the Northeast As winter and the holidays fast approach, many feel like traveling to seek new adventures. However, there are many nearby places that can provide new experiences as well as some R&R, without all the hassle and extra aggravation that traveling can cause. Here’s a compilation of several family-friendly places that are not only conveniently close to Long Island, but also economical if you take into consideration that you can drive to the location. Here are some quick tips to make the drive a pleasant one: • Bring plenty of snacks for everyone to enjoy. • Portable DVD player with movies and cartoons, as well as games are a big plus. • Waterproof cameras are a must. • Bring books. • Blankets or pillows always help make the transition to a hotel better.

1. Hersheypark in Hershey, PA The sweetest place on Earth becomes Hersheypark Christmas Candylane during the holiday season. This year, Hershey is celebrating its 30th anniversary and the park will be transformed into a delightful holiday village with more than 30 rides, Santa and his nine live reindeer, games, live entertainment, shops, food and a magical light show featuring more than 125,000 lights dancing to Christmas music. As always, Hersheypark is free for children ages 2 and under.

The Sugar Plum Fairy visits daily, and friendly, indoor snowball fights scheduled throughout the weekend round out the fun.

the unique qualities of chocolate. Seasonal classes include Candy Cane Bark, Let It Snow Chocolate, Make a Very Merry Bar and Create a Kris Kringle. A special Chocolate Lab class will be offered during the Old Fashioned Family Christmas – Marshmallow Mischief. No festivity would be complete without a visit to Hershey’s Chocolate World Attraction, which showcases Hershey’s Holiday Chocolate House. This life-sized house is completely covered in Hershey’s famous chocolate and confectionery products

Hershey Lodge offers guests a holiday dinner theater experience titled “Christmas in Chocolate Town, A Holiday Dinner Musical,” which includes a festive dinner topped off with a decadent chocolate dessert. In early December, children will meet Santa and his elves at Santa’s Secret Garden. Families can take a hands-on Chocolate Lab class to learn about

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If the lights of Hersheypark aren’t enough, Hershey Sweet Lights is a holiday drive-thru experience, where guests drive along a 2.3-mile route to view nearly 600 themed light displays, all while listening to holiday music through a customized radio broadcast. Activities include ornament making workshops, clear-toy candy-making demonstrations, music and storytelling.

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and is Santa’s home throughout Christmas. The Hotel Hershey, Hershey Lodge and Hersheypark Camping Resort all offer accommodations. Families may be interested in making reservations for the “Lunch with Santa” package at The Hotel Hershey, the Christmas in Chocolate Town package at Hershey Lodge or the “Breakfast with Santa” package at either property.

2. Jay Peak Resort in Jay, VT Think swimming, surfing and skiing and you have the perfect formula for an unforgettable winter family vacation? If your family loves skiing, then pack your snow gear and swimsuits and head to Jay Peak in Vermont. Jay Peak experiences an average annual snowfall of 355 inches, but Jay Peak Resort located in northern Vermont and approximately 4 miles south of Canada, is also home to The Pump. This is actually the name of Jay Peak’s indoor water park, which features the only surfing in the Northeast, as well as indoor and outdoor hot tubs. The Pump features plenty of slides, including La Chute, 65 feet tall, beginning with an almost fully straight 60-foot drop at 45 miles per hour, followed by a full 360-degree loop. If you get hungry, there are several dining options, but a favorite was Mountain Dick’s Pizza. Ride the tram or chairlift to the top of the mountain and explore the nature

trails, skiing paths and experience what eating at an elevation of 4,000 feet feels like at the Sky Haus Deli. Jay Peak Resort’s motto is “there’s a Jay moment in all of us,” and we are looking forward to more for years to come. 3. Cranwell Resort, Spa and Golf Club in Lenox, MA Originally opening in 1894, the Cranwell Resort’s history is as rich as the different reincarnations it has undergone throughout its lifetime. The 380-acre estate historic inn has played host to the likes of Harriet Beecher Stowe, Oliver Wendell Holmes, the Vanderbilts, and President William McKinley. It has been a mansion, a resort and even a Jesuit school. The mansion is elegant and richly decorated with dark wood paneling, French tapestries and porcelain decorations featuring breathtaking fireplaces and views. A championship 18-hole golf course surrounds the resort. The resort houses the mansion,

which kids refer to as Cinderella’s castle, and is normally reserved for guests 12 and older. Guests of all ages can stay at any of the four unique guestroom dwellings, cottages suites and townhouses. This stress-free vacation spot features a 35,000-square-foot full-service spa, indoor pool and a fitness center. Kids can take part in many of the yoga and health and wellness classes. The little ones will enjoy the walking tours and scavenger hunts, which take the family through a visit of the entire facility. Babysitters can be arranged at no extra costs.

about the author: Manny Velasquez-Paredes. MVP is a multicultural/diversity marketing professional focusing on the Hispanic & LGBT communities. A social media junkie & avid traveler who writes from the LGBT family’s perspective. Follow @mannyvp on twitter or visit https://mannyvelasquezparedes.contently.com

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TECH TALK WITH ALEXIS CAPITINI

Holiday GiftGiving Guide A

5 Best Gifts Under $100 Tablet

iPad Mini ($449)

The iPad Mini got an average review of 3.5 out of 5 stars from users and it’s easy to see why – the newest iPad’s A6X processor gives a boost to system speed and graphics power. Its improved LTE is more appealing for users who are on the go and the iOS App Store remains best in class with the widest selection of games, apps and educational material.

Kindle Fire HDX 7 ($229) Being hailed as Amazon’s best tablet yet, the Kindle Fire HDX 7 has the right price with fast performance and a whole new slew of features. It has more media-based goods than any other tablet. It has an impressively sharp screen and its compact, light design is comfy for reading books. The “Mayday” feature makes customer service personal and near-instant.

Smartphone

iPhone 5s ($199)

The iPhone 5s really delivers this year with an improved camera, a fingerprint sensor and a nextgen CPU and motion-tracking chip. Apple now provides the iWork app suite for free and the iOS 7 adds some new features, like AirDrop which allows for file transfers between devices. The iPhone 5s is not a required upgrade for iPhone 5 users.

Galaxy Note 3 ($299)

You really need to love the Galaxy Note 3’s giant 5.7-inch display or its super sensitive stylus for this smartphone to hit the top of your Wish List. While it is one of the pricier Android “phablets” on the market, its new multitasking smarts, revamped note app, and an unprecedented 3GB of RAM make this the complete opposite of the iPhone.

A. Apple TV, $88 - A perfect gift for the Apple lover. Stream all of your favorite services straight to your HDTV. B. Logitech Wireless Solar Keyboard K760, $50 - This keyboard helps keep batteries out of landfills. It pairs with your Apple products. It can charge from any light source.

5 Best Gif Und ts e $100 r

C. Sony BDP-S5100 Blu-ray Player, $89 - A great alternative to Apple TV or Roku. This blu-ray player is sure to be a hit with any movie lover as it has the ability to upscale DVDs.

D. Klipsch Image S4i II, $99 - $99 for headphones? These headphones are worth it with their impeccable sound quality and tangle-resistant flat cord. E. JBL Flip, $99 - Its size is not to be underestimated for its sound quality. This portable, rechargeable and sleek speaker is a great gift for music lovers on the go.

5 Best Gifts Under $50

Laptop

MacBook Air 13 ($1,045)

The MacBook Air 13 remains one of the best go-to laptops on the market. This newest model has a substantially better battery life and its multi-touch trackpad is still the industry’s best. It even costs $100 less than the previous model, which makes this a great buy for those shopping around for a new laptop.

ATIV Book 9 Plus ($1,400)

The Samsung ATIV Book 9 Plus costs $400 more than the MacBook Air but has some great features that the MacBook lacks. It has a high-res touch screen and better overall performance in a compact 13-inch body. If you want a well-rounded touch screen ultrabook, try this one – it’s worth the money.

Computer iMac ($1,970)

While Apple keeps the exterior design the same from the last iMac, there are dramatic internal upgrades. The latest 27-inch iMac is fully up-to-date with Intel’s Haswell chips, faster SSD hard drives and new Nvidia GPUs. Still, the only things lacking from the iMac are a touch screen and HDMI inputs. This iMac is a great upgrade for those with an older generation model.

A. Sandisk Sansa Clip Zip, $35 - A good alternative to the iPod Shuffle with the added bonus of a screen! It has 4GB of storage and can play FM radio.

B. Philips SoundShooter Wireless, $40 - A good, affordable wireless speaker that delivers a modest sound. The rechargeable battery in its “soda can” design is good for eight hours.

5 t Bes s t f Gi er Und 0 $5

XPS 27 ($2,170)

The updated Dell XPS 27 is a perfect mix of performance and accessibility. The higher-than1080p touch screen, Intel’s fourth-gen CPUs and Nvidia graphics with HDMI input lets the computer double as a display for a game console or cable box. This is a huge plus for devoted gamers and those who use Roku or Apple TV as their source for television content.

C. Apple iPod Shuffle, $46 - Apples most portable iPod with a built-in clip that attaches with ease. It’s sure to be a great gift for any music lover. D. Roku LT, $50 - Similar to the Apple TV but a step ahead and half the price. What it lacks in quality it makes up for in content.

E. Moshi Mythro, $30 - We all strive for decent headphones and these are one of the better pairs on the market. It has an inline microphone for making calls, but lacks a volume control button.

Camera

PowerShot SX160 IS ($140) The Canon SX160 IS is best used in daylight and with still or slowmoving subjects. It allows the user to control shutter speeds and aperture controls, but also has a good auto mode. It has a larger body and control buttons compared to similar models. It also uses two AA batteries, which make it good for travel or just occasional use.

Coolpix L820 ($200)

Like its competitor the Canon SX 160 IS, the Nikon Coolpix L820 is best when used outdoors. It is not recommended for consumers who want to capture moments of their children or pets but it is a good deal for those who want a 30x zoom lens. Its simplistic shooting and AA-size batteries for power make this a reasonable camera for its price.

Gaming Console

Xbox One ($499)

The Xbox One has done a great job integrating live TV into its console allowing users to control their cable or satellite TV through the Xbox itself. While voice commands are hit or miss, its exclusive launch games have knocked its debut out of the park. Its improved graphics also make it a great buy.

Playstation 4 ($399)

The PS4 has certainly delivered on the graphics front, but it is currently lacking in titles available for play. Its software library is restricted due to incompatibility with PS3 games but Sony has been hinting that its Gaikai game-streaming service will pave the way for retro gaming next year.

10 Best Gifts Under $25

A. Star Wars Pancake Molds, $20 B. GoSmart RestPad, $25 C. Agloves Original, $20

10 Best Gifts Under $25

D. Ombré Keycals, $16 E. BiteMyApple Magnetic Organization System, $24 F. Mimoco Flash Drive, $20 G. Pogo Trackpad Stylus, $15

H. Philips ActionFit Sports Headphones, $18 I. OtterBox Commuter Series Case for iPhone 5/5s, $25 J. G-Project G-Zip Wired Portable Speaker, $20

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living smart

finance

Tips on Saving for the Holidays to send cross-country, budgeting your time can end up saving you tons of money. Start putting money away in January, that way you have enough saved up come November and December. If you see something for family or a friend earlier that year, make sure to buy it, and this way you don’t have to worry about them when the holidays arrive.

Pay Cash • If you know that you’ve had trouble in the past, do a cash-only Christmas. Set a limit, take that money out of your credit union or bank, and when that (money’s) gone, it’s over.

Holiday revelers surely enjoy the challenge of finding just the right presents for friends and family, but planning ahead and planning wisely will also ensure you don’t break the bank in your quest for the perfect gifts during the holiday season.

SIX TIPS TO KEEP YOU ON BUDGET: Decide How Much You Can Spend and Budget • Make that list weeks before your holiday and determine how much you can afford to spend on each person. Set your holiday budget even before you go near a store. • One big mistake? People overlook the little extras when they draft a budget. Include everything from postage for Christmas cards and holiday party favors to home decorations and the cost of boarding a pet if you’re traveling.

Plan To Use Credit Wisely • If you know you’re going to need to rely on a credit card to get you through the season, be smart about it. Consider choosing the card that has the lowest interest percentage rate or one that offers cash-back rewards or other perks that help you make the most of your spending activity. Put Yourself on Your Shopping List • It sounds selfish, but it’s really smart. There are things you would not have bought for yourself that you end up, on impulse, buying (for someone else). The best antidote is to give yourself a little something, too.

Plan Ahead for Next Year • Set up a holiday savings account and make monthly contributions to it, so that when the holidays roll around next year, you will already have money in the bank to cover expenses. You can start with something as small as $20 a month. Then, add to it every few months—after you review your budget and financial goals for the year. Saving for specific goals, including the holidays, is so much easier when you can have a clear vision in mind. With a little mindfulness and planning, the holidays can actually be enjoyable— as opposed to stressful and hard on the budget. Implement the tips that stay the most with you, and have a very happy holiday season.

Start Saving and Buying Early • Who hasn’t run out for a gift at the last minute and ended up paying top dollar? But whether you’re shopping, baking or wrapping presents

FOR MORE TIPS, VISIT WWW.LIVINGOUTLI.ORG OR SPEAK WITH YOUR BANK OR FINANCIAL ADVISORS.

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pet tips

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living smart

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living smart beauty

by matthew ambrosio

Hand Solutions for Smooth and Silky Skin

A Guide to Winter Ready Skin Winter is right around the corner and the cold will soon begin to take its toll on our bodies. Our hands seem to especially take a beating as the temperature plummets. But a great hand lotion can alleviate dry, cracked skin, which can be both painful and inconvenient. With so many choices, here are some favorites I recommend that will surely get you on your way to smooth and silky skin.

Jack Black Industrial Strength Hand Healer

L’Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream

3 fl oz, $15

5.2oz, $28

Hand Healer may be formulated for men, but that doesn’t mean if you’re a lady that it’s off limits. In fact, it is made to treat man hands, which are typically very rough and calloused, making it even more effective. This special lotion features Vitamins A and E, is incredibly rich and is not greasy.

Shea butter is the main moisturizing ingredient in this super creamy hand lotion along with other essential extracts and oils. If you need instant nourishment to ease severely dry, cracked skin, here is your remedy. This cream has a light fragrance and will leave your skin feeling silky and moisturized. Apply at least once a day to keep hands healthy.

What’s in it? •

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Vitamins A and E to condition and heal skin and cuticles Rice bran oil to soften and moisturize skin Eucalyptus, a natural antiseptic, to refresh Allantoin and glycerin to soften and lubricate dry skin

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Raspberry Buttercream Frosting Hand Creme, Travel Size 2oz, $9.50 If you are a lover of sweet and delicious lotions that smell good enough to eat and also naturally nourish your skin, then this is the cream for you. Fresh strawberry, raspberry and buttery vanilla makes for a delectable scent. The healing ingredients are derived from plant extracts that naturally hydrate and prevent damage from problem dry skin.

What’s in it?

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Shea Butter Honey and almond extracts Coconut oil

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Menthol, Camphor, & Myrrh Fruit Extracts Meadowfoam Seed Oil for quick absorption

Holiday Desserts Delicious Crumbly Apple Cranberry Mix Spiced Holiday Pumpkin Cheesecake Shooters

The Filling

The Topping:

• About 16 small shot • glasses • • 4 oz low-fat fat • cream cheese, softened • 3 (1.5 oz total) whole • chocolate graham crackers • • 1/2 cup pure canned pumpkin

• 3 cups (about 4) peeled and sliced gala apples

• 3/4 cup dry quick-cooking oats

• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract

• 1 cup fresh cranberries

• 1/4 cup packed light brown sugar

• 1 tbsp flour or cornstarch • 1/2 tsp cinnamon • 2/3 cup honey or lite maple syrup • Low calorie cooking spray

• 1 tbsp all-purpose flour • 3 tbsp light butter, melted • 1/4 cup chopped walnuts or pecans • 1/2 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 325°F. First, lightly spray a 9-inch square baking dish with cooking spray. Combine the apples and cranberries with the rest of the filling ingredients in a bowl. Pour into a baking dish and even out with a spoon. In another bowl, combine the topping ingredients; sprinkle over apple/cranberry mixture. Bake uncovered, for 5560 minutes or until browned and bubbly. If you’d like, top if off with a thin layer of lite or fat-free whipped cream. Serve warm – and most importantly, enjoy!

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1/4 tsp nutmeg 1/4 tsp cinnamon 3 tbsp dark brown sugar, unpacked 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice 8 oz light whipped topping

Crush graham crackers in a food processor. Set aside. In a large bowl beat the cream cheese until smooth with an electric mixer. Add the pumpkin, vanilla, sugar, pumpkin pie spice, nutmeg and cinnamon. Beat until well combined and creamy. Use a spatula to fold in 5 oz (1-1/2 cups) of the whipped topping; combine until no streaks remain. Place in a ziplock bag with a corner snipped off. To assemble: Sprinkle 1/2 teaspoon of graham cracker crumbs on the bottom of each shot glass. Pipe a layer of pumpkin cheesecake onto the graham cracker crust (about 1 tbsp) followed by a layer of whipped topping. Repeat a second layer and finish with another sprinkle of crumbs. Insert small spoons and refrigerate until ready to serve. Yum!

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Changing laws changed their lives The recent Supreme Court ruling on the Defense of Marriage Act led Greg and Peter to take a serious look at their investment planning needs. The rapidly changing legal landscape meant it was crucial that they worked with someone who was knowledgeable, so they turned to Wells Fargo Advisors. Our Financial Advisors who have the Accredited Domestic Partnership Advisor℠ (ADPA®) designation are well-versed on the current set of challenges, so Greg and Peter walked away with a solid plan and confidence in the future. Let’s talk about your long-term investment planning needs. Because when people talk, great things happen. To find one of our ADPA-certified Financial Advisors in your area, visit wellsfargoadvisors.com/adpa today.

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points of view trans-missions

by gwen smith

One day after she was sentenced in her trial for having leaked sensitive documents, Chelsea Manning publicly declared that she was Chelsea Manning, and a female. In the light of this, media outlets and others were forced to decide how they would handle this change: Should they continue to refer to her birth name and gender, or change to the one of her choosing? It’s a complex issue of sorts, and one that transgender people face any time their lives are made public. Reports in particular seem to relish pulling out long-since-unused names of transgender people within stories, claiming that this gives a “full picture” of the transgender person in question, amongst

op-ed

other reasons. In some of my own experiences with reporters and documentarians, they have been flat out shocked that I was not forthcoming with my birth name. It was as if I was deliberately obfuscating the supposed truth they sought to share. When a transgender person is misgendered, and when an old name is used in place of the one of their choice, you will often see people pointing to the Associated Press Stylebook. For more than a decade, the media has been pointing to this to explain exactly what to call a transgender person – sometimes with success. The AP’s advice (2011): “Transgender: Use the pronoun preferred by the individuals who have acquired the physical characteristics of the opposite sex or present themselves in a way that does not correspond with their sex at birth. If that preference is not expressed, use the pronoun consistent with the way the individuals live publicly.” Yet things became infinitely more complex with Chelsea Manning. For one, with the issue of gender identity, as implied in the AP Stylebook, the individual in question may have to have started a physical transformation. This is a challenge for Manning, who will be in a Federal Penitentiary and may not be able to get any sort of treatment. While I take exception, many in the media are

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Gwen Smith has no Wikipedia entry, but you can find her on the web at gwensmith.com

by reverend irene monroe

and transgender people are today. As a matter of fact, to be called a Christian was considered a religious epithet, and it subjected Christians to ridicule, hate crimes and The Christmas season is a difficult time Christian-bashing similar to how us queers of year for me. I am always bothered by our are treated today. culture’s egregious forms of commercialism – Just as lesbian, gay, bisexual and transand its either lack of, or its anemic recognigender people transformed the pejorative tion of, other forms for religious holidays like term “queer” into a positive word of selfHanukkah, Kwanzaa, and the celebration of reference, Christians transformed the word the winter solstice during this season. “Christian” into one of self-reverence. Over the years, as I learned how other Having known this history, I found calling cultures celebrated their various forms of remyself a queer Christian neither blaspheligious expression during this time of year, as mous nor an oxymoron. Both are tied to the well as learned that the underlying message unending struggle of human acceptance, of Jesus was the emjust at different times brace and celebration of along the human human difference and timeline. I truly believe if American diversity – the less and Religion has become Christians stayed focused less I have come to like a peculiar institution in on the message and this holiday season. the theater of human Too often we see the life. Although its Latin teachings of Jesus, many glitz and glamour that root “religio” means lesbian, gay, bisexual and this holiday brings and “to bind,” it has trans people would not we have totally missed served as a legitimate have the annual angst of its spiritual message. I power in binding searching for a home for truly believe if American people’s shared hatred. Christians stayed more For example, I the holidays. focused on the message come out of a black and teachings of Jesus, religious tradition born many lesbian, gay, bisexof struggle for human ual and transgender people would not have acceptance. When slave masters gave my the annual angst of searching for a home for ancestors the Bible, their intent was not to the holidays. make us better Christians, but better slaves. Until the fourth century A.D., when The Bible, at least according to slave owners, the Emperor Constantine converted to was the legitimate sanction for American Christianity, Christians were despised as slavery. much in those days as lesbian, gay, bisexual However, my ancestors took this authorita-

resistant to simply taking a welcoming for Manning In some of my person’s word for it. herself, but any transgender own experiences, On top of that, Manning person who may use is a controversial figure. The Wikipedia. This sent a clear reporters have nature of her crime inflames message that one’s identity been flat out people on all sides of the would be accepted. This shocked that I was political spectrum, and many change was also in line with not forthcoming would opt to never deign to previous cases of celebrities her wishes as a result. Those coming out as transgender, with my birth who might otherwise have such as Chaz Bono or Lana name. It was as if no problem tearing her down Wachowski. I was deliberately by calling her effeminate (at This, unfortunately, is obfuscating the best), would now never call not the end of the story. supposed truth. her anything but male. After a week of discussion, There are others, too, repeated attempts to who feel that Manning’s move the page, and an declaration is somehow a dodge, perhaps administrative lockdown of the page, this related to an attempt to get a pardon for change was reverted back to Manning’s her crimes, or otherwise get preferential birth name. treatment. Her defense team has also As noted above, Wikipedia is tried to excuse what she did based on her collaborative. After the page was locked gender-identity disorder – a move which down, the discussion kept to the “talk has done little to make many within the page.” A heated, sometimes transphobic, transgender community and elsewhere discussion continued, with comments embracing of Manning. such as “If I had a Wikipedia article and The Associated Press, regardless of the then I suddenly claimed to be a dog, or a above, had to release an announcement to its cat, would they change it to reflect such editors to use the preferred name and gender nonsense? Biologically he is a man and will after a period of confusion about how to die a man (check his chromosomes XY), and refer to Manning. The New York Times had legally he is a man (he even asks to be called to pen its own directive, much in line with by his male name in official stuff).” the Associated Press. NPR also went back and As of this writing, the page can be found forth on pronoun and name usage. under either name in the URL, but with a The biggest issues have been with the subject line reflecting her birth name. The free, collaborative encyclopedia known article itself tends to reflect her name and as Wikipedia. It is one of the most used gender of choice, but also provides her birth websites in the world. name and old photos. It is truly a bit of a Almost immediately after Manning muddle. released the aforementioned statement, I would like to call on Wikipedia to look Wikipedia redirected users searching for her closely at their policies. If it is good enough birth name to one for Chelsea Manning. It for other transgender entries to be so was a bold and supportive move, not only updated, it is okay for Chelsea Manning

LIVING OUT

tive text that was meant to aid them in acclimating to their life of servitude and turned it into an incendiary text that not only foment slave revolts and abolitionists movements, but also the nation’s civil rights movement. The Bible told African Americans how to do what must be done. And, in so doing, Nat Turner revolted against slavery, and Harriet Tubman led many to freedom via a railroad. My ancestors expanded not only the understanding of what it meant to be human, but also the parameters of what it meant to be a Christian. With this said, the fact that I call myself a queer African American Christian to my community is neither less black nor less Christian. For all are tied, as my community ought to know, to the unending struggle of human acceptance, but at different times along the human timeline. Jesus’ birth comes at a difficult time along the human timeline. Perceived as a religious threat to conservative Jews because of his iconoclastic views and practice of Jewish Law, and viewed as a political threat to the Roman government simply because he was a Jew, Jesus was nailed to a cross at Calvary

because of the struggle for human acceptance on the human timeline. Although Christmas is mostly thought of in terms of feasting and celebrating, Jesus’ birth – like his death – was born of struggle, and that struggle was to be accepted. Similarly, when I think of the birth of Jesus, one of the themes that looms large for me is lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and homelessness. Why homelessness? Because many of us, myself included, do not really have a home to go to where we can sit at the family table and be fully out – or fully accepted. Our birth, as individuals and as a movement, mirrors that of Jesus. It comes at a time where there is neither room nor tolerance for us at a difficult time along the human timeline. As we gear up for this holiday season, let us enjoy the time. But let us not forget the struggle that has gone before us and the work we must continue to do with our communities and straight allies. Let us make home, if not with biological family, then certainly with beloved friends. To Christians and non-Christians alike, let us find home for the holidays.

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