In THis Issue February 2015 - Volume 3, Issue 2 1 Cover 3 In this issue in the news: 6 national 7 interNational Out on LI: 8 Network News Out front: 10 Yolanda Ross Out and about: 13 Imusic: so gay 14 Nicholas Brendon 16 Winter books Calendar 20 BE scene: Winter ball 2014 Living healthy: 23 parenting: Breaing up is hard to do 24 wellness: one universal truth Living smart: 25 health and beauty: nubest salon and spa 26 Finance: Saving for vacation Points of view:
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Contributors Belo Cipriani, Adam Lombardi, Chris McNamee, Mike Murphy, Rev. Irene Monroe, Jennifer Nyx, Rachel Roth, Gregg Shapiro, Gwen Smith
Cover Photo
30 op-ed: Remembering mildred's loving spirit 31 Trans-missions: Fix it
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28 Seeing in the dark: Comedian greg walloch
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In the news
national News
Same-Sex marriage Victory in Florida!
Ending weeks of confusion over the effects of a ruling that struck down Florida’s same-sex marriage ban, a federal judge kicked off the new year with clear instructions that all gay and lesbian couples are allowed to marry. U.S. District Judge Robert L. Hinkle issued a four-page order on New Years Day stating that all of Florida’s 67 clerks had “every right” to abide by an August decision overturning the state’s same-sex marriage ban. Furthermore, wrote Hinkle, any Florida clerk who decides not to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples beginning next week could face expensive legal action. Florida is the 36th state to legalize gay marriage.
VA. Lawmakers at odds in aftermath of marriage equality’s arrival More than three months after marriage equality reached Virginia, lawmakers in Richmond are divided over how to incorporate it into state law. Democratic legislators, with the backing of Gov. Terry McAuliffe, are seeking to remove language banning same-sex marriage from the state’s constitution and statutes. Republicans argue that the Supreme Court should weigh in before the state makes substantial changes to its marriage law. In related news, McAuliffe has promised to veto a bill “in a nanosecond” that would allow state licensed or accredited business owners to deny service to someone based on their religious beliefs.
By Rachel Roth
Supreme court to make landmark decision
President Barack Obama has predicted that the Supreme Court is "about to make a shift" on same sex-marriage. His prediction comes as the Supreme Court refused to put a hold on same-sex marriages in Alabama. Prior to the ruling, Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore made a last-ditch effort to stop the state's judges from issuing marriage licences. "When federal law is in conflict with state law, federal law wins out," Obama said. "Ultimately, I think the Equal Protection Clause does guarantee same-sex marriage in all fifty states."
Alabama starts to marry same-sex couples Alabama is now the 37th state in which samesex couples can legally marry. The United States Supreme Court denied a request by the Alabama Attorney General to extend a hold on a federal judge's ruling overturning the state's ban on gay marriage. Shante Wolf, 21 and wife Tori Sisson were the first couple to be issued a marriage license in Jefferson County. "It's about time," Wolfe said, smiling as she left the courthouse.
Marriage Ban struck down in south dakota
A federal judge has overturned South Dakota’s ban on marriage equality. U.S. District Judge Karen Schreier wrote in her decision that the plaintiffs “have a fundamental right to marry,” and cited that the ban violates rights under the 14th Amendment. The ruling was stayed pending an appeal from state officials, which if pursued, would send the case to the 8th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, where two other cases are still pending.
Michigan to recognize same-sex marriages of over 300 couples A federal judge ruled that Michigan must recognize the marriages of about 300 samesex couples, who married after the state’s marriage ban was struck down, as valid. “In these
circumstances, what the state has joined together, it may not put asunder,” U.S. District Court Judge Mark Goldsmith wrote in his statement. Goldsmith’s ruling does not address the constitutionality of Michigan’s marriage equality ban, which was upheld by the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in November and is currently before the United States Supreme Court.
Transgender Teen’s Suicide Sparks National Conversation Leelah Alcorn (above), a transgender 17-year-old from Kings Mills, OH., committed suicide after battling with what she called “a life that [wasn’t] worth living." Leelah, born male, was struck by a tractor-trailer on Interstate 71 near Cincinnati. Shortly after her death, a preprogrammed suicide note appeared on her Tumblr account. “Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in...because I’m transgender,” the note said. “To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4.” When Leelah told her mother about her gender identity, her mother “reacted extremely negatively” because of the family’s religious belief saying that “God doesn’t make mistakes” and that she was wrong for feeling like “a girl trapped in a boy’s body.” Leelah went on to write; “if you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids,” the note says. “Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate themself. That’s exactly what it did to me.” After her death, Alcorn’s mother referred to Leelah using male pronouns in an interview with CNN, telling them that while they didn’t support him, they “loved their son.” Leelah concluded her note saying; “the only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something.” To read more about Leelah's story, turn to page 31.
Mississippi city repeals pro-lgbt ordinances Aldermen in Starksville, Mississippi voted to override a host of LGBT-friendly policies that had been touted as groundbreaking when they were passed last year. The city’s equality resolution is a non-discrimination policy that includes language protecting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender employees and ended its plus-one insurance option available to workers' same-sex partners. 6
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According to The Commercial Dispatch, the action took place without public discussion or warning. After initially passing the resolutions in 2014, the board of alderman rescinded the resolutions on January 6th. Mayor Parker Wiseman (left) vetoed the decision, but the board of aldermen had enough votes to override the veto.
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international News
By Rachel Roth
Gambian President verbally Attacks LGBT Community Yahya Jammeh (below), president of Gambia, spoke out harshly against the LGBT community Saturday in a speech from the country’s capital of Banjul. According to the Washington Blade, Jammeh said; “the Bible that came first condemns homosexuality and the Bible is the book of the Almighty Allah and the Quran,” Jammeh told soldiers, adding that efforts by pro-LGBT countries including the United States to “impose homosexuality on the globe” are doomed to fail. The speech followed an alleged coup attempt against his government two weeks ago.
U.N. Secretary-General Speaks out against anti-lgbt laws U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon (above) on Monday harshly criticized India’s anti-homosexuality law during a visit to New Delhi, saying the country’s policies “violate basic rights to privacy and to freedom from discrimination.” Ban, who was in India
at an event commemorating the 70th anniversary of the U.N.’s founding, pushed world leaders to ensure equality for all citizens regardless of sexual orientation. India is one of more than 70 countries with nationwide anti-homosexuality laws.
Egyptian Men acquitted on “debauchery” Charges IOC adds Sexual Orientation Chilean Lawmakers consider A court in Cairo acquitted 26 men on charges of “debauchery” stemming from alleged sexual activities at a public bathhouse in Egypt’s capital city. Al Jazeera reported that activists familiar with the situation say the acquittal, which comes over a month after the men were arrested, marks the first time an Egyptian court has ever cleared individuals accused of homosexuality. The case garnered additional media attention after the mens alleged sexual assault during their incarceration.
71% IN FAVOR OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY
Poll: Majority of Irish voters favor marriage equality Support for the introduction of same-sex marriage is rising steadily, with a majority supporting the move, the latest Irish Times/Ipsos MRBI poll has found. When asked how they would vote in the planned referendum on the issue, 71 percent of residents said they would vote in favor, 17 percent that they would vote no, 9 percent had no opinion and 3 percent refused to respond.
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Protections to Charter The International Olympic Committee has added sexual orientation language to its Olympic Charter, adopting the change after a unanimous vote by its members. “This is a very important step,” IOC President Thomas Bach of Germany said of the change, which will be included in the contract signed by future host cities.
Gender-Neutral Terms
A bill has been introduced in Chile that would replace references to the terms “men and women” and “husband and wife” in marriage laws to genderneutral terms. The bill has the backing of President Michelle Bachelet (left), as well as advocacy groups such as the Movement for Homosexual Integration and Liberation.
Pontiff urges catholic Officials to Recognize “Sign of the times”
Pope Francis (right) has again called on the Catholic Church to soften its stance on LGBT issues. The Pope urged the church to provide support for parents with LGBT children, saying; “we come across this reality all the time in the confessional: a father and a mother whose son or daughter is in that situation... We have to find a way to help that father or that mother to stand by their son or daughter.”
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BIG AND EXCITING CHANGES FOR THE LGBT NETWORK
NAME CHANGE AND EXPANSION MAKE 2015 A BIG YEAR Huge news for the LGBT community comes to Queens. The LGBT Network, formerly known as The Long Island GLBT Services Network, kicked off the New Year with two major changes. The first change was a new name, the LGBT Network, which was necessary as the group continues on a path of rapid growth and expansion. The second change – and part of this growth and rapid expansion – comes with the grand announcement of the LGBT Network's first community center in the borough of Queens, the Q Center, to be located at The Samuel Field YMCA in Little Neck.
The official announcement was first made at a jam packed press conference inside Queens Borough Hall to announce the new Q Center: Queens LGBT Community Center. Joined by a cadre of reporters and TV news, a bevy of local elected officials came to show their support for the LGBT Network’s plans to establish community centers in their districts including: Queens Borough President Melinda Katz (above), NYC Councilman and Majority Leader Jimmy Van Bramer (D-Sunnyside), Councilman Daniel Dromm (D-Jackson Heights), Councilman Costa Constantinides (D-Astoria), and Councilwoman Julissa Ferreras (D-East Elmhurst). Queens Borough President Melinda Katz was proud of the LGBT Network’s record of service and looked forward to the expansion into Queens.
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“The LGBT Networks community centers in Nassau and Suffolk counties have done an outstanding job of providing Left to Right: Councilwoman Julissa Ferreras, Queens Borough President Melinda Katz, Councilman Daniel Dromm, LGBT safe spaces and Network Chief Executive Officer David Kilmnick, PhD, Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer, Councilman Costa Constantinides and Samuel Field Y representative Jeri Mendelsohn the Q Center press conference, February 3rd. life- changing services to LGBT haven where they can express “We’re going to make sure individuals of all ages,” said Katz. themselves and be who they were that we’re going to bring more “It is therefore great that the LGBT born to be," said Van Bramer. “The resources back to the borough Network will be opening similar Q Center will become a safe to serve these families and centers here in Queens. Thanks haven for countless LGBT youth that is long overdue,” the LGBT to the expansion, thousands of in Queens who are looking for Network’s CEO, David Kilmnick our borough’s LGBT residents will their voices to be heard. Through said. “Many lives depend on it and have access to vital resources that this safe space, and the additional we have to do it.” will help them live the healthy and facilities that will come online To announce the arrival into the happy lives they deserve.” within the next three years, LGBT borough, the LGBT Network will youth will have the ability to share The LGBT Network has been embark on a listening tour in each their experiences, thoughts, and providing services for over 22 neighborhood where a center will ideas and get the support they years for the LGBT community be located, beginning in March need to become future leaders of on Long Island; and since July of 2015. Long-term plans are to our city." 2014, the LGBT Network has bring additional LGBT Centers to been growing strong roots With the addition of the Q Center, Astoria/Long Island City, Bayside in Queens by providing The LGBT Network, which also and the Rockaways within the next programs and services to includes Long Island Gay and three years. hundreds. Lesbian Youth (LIGALY), The Kilmnick noted that the Long Island LGBT Community Currently, The Q Center has organization would not hesitate Center (The Center), and been working with middle to break down barriers in more Services and Advocacy for LGBT schools to establish gay conservative areas of Queens, Elders-Long Island (SAGE-Long straight alliance (GSA) clubs reflecting on a history of outreach Island), will have a service region while providing education and and advocacy spanning over two that includes close to 6 million training for students, parents, and decades. “We will not only be in people and stretches from the faculty in both middle and senior places where people expect us to Midtown Tunnel to Montauk. high schools. The Q Center has be, gayborhoods for example,” he The LGBT Network’s reach and also enrolled dozens of Queens said. “We’re going to be in some population size will become the families in the NYS Marketplace of the more conservative areas in largest of any LGBT Health and for health insurance under the addition to the ones that are more Human Service Organization in Affordable Care Act. welcoming. We’ve had a 22-year New York State and that will help history of breaking down barriers “Too many LGBT individuals from bring much needed resources to in more conservative communities youth to seniors cope with the the borough of Queens and Long and we will do the same here in overwhelming feeling of isolation Island to expand and provide new Queens.” every day,” said openly gay NYC services and programs. City Council Member Daniel Dromm (D-Jackson Heights) who served as the event’s emcee. “It is extremely important to give LGBT individuals a place to congregate, Certified CertifiedPublic PublicAccountants Accountantsand andBusiness BusinessAdvisors Advisors Certif socialize and feel open to express who they are. I am thrilled to see the expansion of LGBT centers Professional ProfessionalQuality Qualitytrusted trustedby bythe the all over the city and especially Long Long Island/NYC Island/NYC GLBT GLBT Community Community Since Since 1993 1993 Long right here in my home borough of Queens with the opening of the Professional, Professional,confidential, confidential,year-round year-roundservice. service. Q Center. Congratulations to the You Youdeserve deserveaaCPA CPAfirm firmthat thatcares caresabout aboutyour yourneeds. needs. LGBT Network!” New York City Council Majority Leader Jimmy Van Bramer (D-Sunnyside) said the LGBT Network would take services in Queens to the next level. "While growing up, many LGBT youth in our borough struggle to find a safe
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from ross to robyn A revealing interview with Yolanda Ross who portrays Robyn Crawford, Whitney Houston’s alleged lesbian lover in the made for TV drama, Whitney.
An Interview By Adam lombardi Photos Courtesy of Lora Warnick & Lifetime Television 10
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L
ong before marrying Bobby Brown, Whitney Houston was rumored to be in a more-thanplatonic relationship with lifelong gal pal, assistant Robyn Crawford. While the biopic focuses on the pop singer’s relationship with Brown, it’s the intensity and intrigue that builds between her and Crawford that has reignited the Hollywood gossip machine. Yolanda Ross (Treme and Stranger Inside), while not a lesbian herself, plays Crawford in Whitney, breaks down the alleged rumors here in Living Out.
Yolanda, did you have any reservations about playing a character who was rumored to be a lesbian? No, I mean in my first film, Stranger Inside, I was a lesbian so no I have no reservations. Characters are characters. People are people, and it’s my job to make everyone feel and understand characters. I feel that just understanding people – period – and dealing with emotion was really all I was going on – and all I ever go on – because I don’t think it matters if you’re gay or not, it’s the emotion of who you’re dealing with in front of you. Are you a Whitney fan? Describe the insight you gained in playing this role helped you deepen your understanding of Whitney Houston, the person? Huge fan! It gave me the opportunity to play Robyn in Whitney’s life in such an intimate way. These two were extremely tight – she was
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out Front everywhere Whitney was – Robyn was a huge part of her life. I feel that it helped me see a lot of things that Whitney had to deal with that I don’t think the average person really knows, you know with all the
A lot of people can’t separate emotional and physical feelings. In Whitney’s case, it appears she’s straight but develops deeply emotional feelings for Robyn, which suggest
developed, I would say something was already there.
something a bit beyond platonic. In your mind at the end of filming, was Whitney bisexual or a lesbian? I mean when going by the film, I don’t know if you could say either or – I mean, I always felt there was always a strong feeling between the two of them. And that’s you know like I said, knowing the background of the characters; them being friends since they were teenagers, so they already had a close relationship before she became the icon of Whitney Houston. So from the movie I wouldn’t say something
So have you ever had a crush on a girl in real life? There are a lot of cute girls out there! I don’t really “crush” though, I really have to meet somebody – and either like or don’t like them – I’m really an “in the moment” person. But so far, not yet.
While the film chronicles Whitney Houston’s rise to fame and turbulent relationship with husband Bobby Brown, why exactly was Robyn included in this biopic? I mean she was a huge part of her life, since her teenage years. She really was the person you had to go through to get to Whitney; she was her assistant and best friend and who knows if it was more than that, I mean I can’t speculate, but it was definitely rumored. I don’t think you would have a true portrayal of her life if you didn’t include her because she was a HUGE part of her life.
pressures on her – the work pressures, and life pressures behind the scenes, like having a child while having one of the biggest records out there. You’ve been acting for over 15 years. Do you have an acting coach? No, no, I just had a great director, Angela Basset – and you know it’s like I do with any character, I take what’s on the page, I take what’s in front of me as far as the other actors\ actresses and just deal with emotion – that’s how I get to where I am as a character, you know, in portraying a character and keeping it real. So then how exactly did you prepare for this role? Well, I knew of Robyn, I knew who she was, but I had never seen her before. I scoured the internet looking for anything on her, just to see what she looked like, and I found a few photos and production had a few photos as well, but there was very little on her so it really did end up being direction, script, and emotion in the moment that we created in the film.
What excites you the most about your “Robyn Crawford,” the character? What do you dislike the most about her? I wouldn’t say I had any dislikes. I did like her strength in that she was the rock, like, she was the anchor for LIVING OUT
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Whitney because there was so much going on with her in her life that I feel like Robyn was the person that Whitney could come to and just feel like that’s her solid, that’s her rock, that’s her anchor – you know when all the business craziness is happening, this is the person that is her strength and I do like playing that part, being the strength of someone else. Describe the challenges of being a black woman trying to make a career in Hollywood today. Well I mean it’s like swimming upstream because you have so many things thrown at
you, and you’re just trying to book the jobs like everybody else with additional things thrown at you. Limited parts is huge, we don’t get offered the Jennifer Anniston parts or whoever the white actresses are of the day, you just don’t get those same offers that they do. When I go up for roles, it’s like really having to read something that’s just a few lines, that doesn’t make sense to me when I’ve led movies and I’ve started movies. We are not playing on an equal field, which is unfortunate. The challenge is there, it just doesn’t get to shine in the same way with the same opportunities.
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Drop-In Hours The Center at Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. N., Suite 110 Woodbury Every Thursday, 5-8pm
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Free, quick, and confidential testing for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact the HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program at testing@lgbtnetwork.org or 631.665.2300 Nassau: Center at Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. N., Suite 110 Woodbury, NY 11797 T 516.323.0011 F 516.750.4715
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AWARD-WINNING STARS OF STAGE AND SCREEN COMING TO GARDEN CITY TONY AWARD WINNER LAURA BENANTI SUNDAY, MARCH 8 • 3:00 P.M.
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GRAMMY AWARD WINNER ROSANNE CASH
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out and about
i-Music
by gregg shapiro
iMusic: So Gay Welcome back, Erasure! We sure have missed you. Following the dismal and disappointing Tomorrow’s World, an unfortunate production collaboration with the tired Frankmusik, Andy Bell and Vince Clarke have come back burning hotter and brighter than they have in years on the vivid The Violent Flame (Mute). After almost 30 years, openly gay vocalist Bell and synth-pop legend Clarke (also of Depeche Mode and Yaz fame) sound audibly re-energized. Teaming up with bootleg pioneer/producer Richard X, Erasure has created an album that is as timeless as it is thoroughly modern. The first four tracks – “Dead of Night,” “Elevation,” “Reasons” and “Promises” – refresh Erasure’s electronic dance legacy and contributions to the genre. All three of these songs deserve to be hits, in clubs and elsewhere. “Be The One” is the kind of dramatic ballad Erasure does so well and Bell sounds strong and in command of his instrument. The nice thing about The Violet Flame is that it never flickers, maintaining its heat on songs such as “Sacred,” “Stayed A Little Late Tonight,” and “Under The Wave,” which recalls both vintage Erasure and the best of Yaz.
On his luminous and diverse third album Too Bright (Matador/ Turnstile), Perfume Genius (left) aka Mike Hadreas has released his most radiant album to date. Maintaining some of the sonic elegance of Put Your Back N 2 It on songs such as “No Good,” “Don’t Let Them In,” “All Along” and the title tune, Perfume Genius demonstrates that he is fearless when it comes to exploring new and daring territory. The modern glam of “Queen,” with the fragrant lines “No family is safe/When I sashay,” is one such as example. Others include the multi-layered “Fool” and the Suicide meets Nine Inch Nails of “Grid.” Too Bright is truly brilliant.
Clear across the spectrum from Pentatonix, Judas Priest, a British heavy metal group that also features one openly gay member – in this case the legendary Rob Halford, returns with its 17th studio album, Redeemer of Souls (Epic). The metallic mayhem of “death, doom and destruction” raining down on the “forsaken” in songs such as “Halls of Valhalla,” “Sword of Damacles,” “March of the Damned,” “Down In Flames” and others are brightened by the arrival of the titular redeemer asserting “metal’s deliverance.” We’ll see about that, won’t we?
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Bob Mould’s Beauty & Ruin (Merge) is the sound of a man in mourning, following the loss of a parent, beginning, fittingly enough with the dirge-like “Low Season.” But it doesn’t take long before Mould (and his band, including Jason Narducy and Jon Wurster) kick into rapid-fire rock mode on furious tunes such as “Little Glass Pill,” “I Don’t Know You Anymore,” “Fire In the City,” “Tomorrow Morning” and the blistering “Kid With Crooked Face,” which at just over two minutes is one of the album’s highlights. The gentler “Hey Mr. Grey” is also outstanding.
Encyclopedia (Minor), the second album by electronic dance duo The Drums, featuring gay member Jonny Pierce combines ‘80s influences (think Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark or New Order-ish) with a presentday sensibility. Opener “Magic Mountain” comes across as more jarring than what we’ve heard from The Drums before, with vocals that sound like a tribute to Perry Farrell. You can work up a sweat to breakneck numbers such as “Kiss Me Again,” “Let Me” and “Deep In My Heart,” while slower paced tunes such as “I Can’t Pretend” (can you hear OMD, too?) and “Wild Geese” allow you to slow down and catch your breath.
Kele (Okereke), the openly gay front-man of Bloc Party, has returned with his second solo studio album Trick (Lilac). Maintaining the electronic flair he began to explore with Bloc Party and continued to embrace on his 2010 solo debut, Kele remains plugged in on Trick. In other words, you can dance if you want to. And who wouldn’t want to dance to pleasingly beat-driven cuts including “Humour Me,” “First Impressions,” “Doubt,” “ My Hotel Room” and “Silver and Gold.”
A cappella group Pentatonix, featuring out member Mitch Grassi, was prolific in 2014, releasing both a holiday album and the seven-song EP PTX Vol. III (RCA). For its major-label debut, Pentatonix wisely didn’t verge from the formula of previous releases for which it earned its reputation. Covers of current hits and familiar tunes, including Clean Bandit’s “Rather Be” and Ariana Grande’s “Problem,” as well as a medley of Sam Smith’s “La La La” and Disclosure’s “Latch” sit alongside originals such as “Standing By,” for a captivating listening experience. LIVING OUT
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Nicholas Brendon Puts the Heart into Big Gay Love by Gregg Shapiro
Almost everyone knows actor Nicholas Brendon from his role as Xander on the beloved TV series Buffy The Vampire Slayer. As hot gay chef/caterer Andy in indie queer rom-com Big Gay Love (Canteen Outlaws), now available on DVD, Brendon adds a wonderful new part to his resumé of gay characters. When fit Andy falls for full-figured party-planner Bob (Jonathan Lisecki), they seem like the most unlikely of couples. But Andy’s attraction is the real thing and Bob, plagued by an abundance of issues, with body image near the top of the list, seems intent on grounding the relationship before it ever has a chance to take flight. I spoke with Brendon about the movie and more in November 2014. I want to begin by offering my congratulations on your recent marriage. How is married life treating you so far? So far, so good. No complaints at all [laughs]. In Big Gay Love, your character Andy is a restaurateur and caterer. Have you ever worked in the food service industry? Yes, I have, but not in a chef’s capacity. I was the one that the chef was yelling at to get the food out faster. 14
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Andy is also fond of Vietnamese banh mi sandwiches. Where do you stand on banh mis? I love banh mi and I love pho. I love Vietnamese food. Body image figures prominently in Big Gay Love, even for Andy who talks about how good it felt not to have to suck in his stomach when he felt fat, when he was with new love interest Bob. How do you feel about society’s ongoing obsession with body image?
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out and about I hate it. I believe that there are other worlds out there with human beings on them that have a higher spiritual level [laughs]. The whole body-shaming, like bullying, I don’t understand that mentality for people to be that unhappy with themselves. It bums me out. I wish people who had time on their hands to do that would find something better to do. I wish we lived a place where everybody loved everybody else, whether they were gay, Chinese, Vietnamese, black or whatever. You appear shirtless a couple of times in Big Gay Love, including the pool party scene and the love scene, exposing a tattoo on your shoulder and bicep. Is it yours or is it Andy’s? It’s mine. The one on the outside of my arm are four angels. There are two-archangel Michaels that represent me and my twin brother. The two other angels represent my little brothers Christian and Kyle. I’ve got Jesus surfing on the inside of my arm, just because I think it’s funny.
Trust becomes an issue for Bob and Andy. What do you think is the secret to establishing and maintaining trust in a relationship? I think communication would be key. Talking about fears and not judging. And do a background check [laughs]. Andy’s boots are a meaningful item of clothing for him. Do you have something in your closet that has special significance to you? I own a lot of shoes. When I go to different cities and countries, I don’t really keep a diary, so I buy a pair of shoes. I’m going to Germany in December (2014) and I’ll get a pair of shoes there. I can look at all my shoes and let you know where I got them. You previously played a gay character in Psycho Beach Party. Are you ever surprised when you find out an actor or actress has issues playing a queer character?
I’m more saddened when I hear that an actor won’t play a character because of their religious beliefs. That always bums me out. It goes back to the acceptance of everyone. People who won’t play a gay character because they think it’s a sin. That makes me sick to my stomach. I do not feel that way. And we thank you for that. You have a twin brother named Kelly. What is the best part of being a twin? I can have him try on clothes that I want to buy and see how they are going to fit me [laughs]. Have you started work on any new film or TV projects? I have two coming up. I did a web series for the Nerdist called The Real Housewives of Horror. I think that’s out right now. I also starred in a TV show for MTV called Faking It. I did the last episode last year and we go back into production in December (2014). I play a way-out-there art teacher. So I go from being in high school in Buffy to teaching high school. Where do the years go [laughs]?
a. Nicholas Brendon as Andy at a pool party; b. DVD art for Big Gay Love; c. Andy and Bob's mother Betty (Ann Walker); d. Andy and Bob taking a sunset stroll; e. Bob's flighty friends, Chase (Phong Truong) and Aiden (Todd Stroik); f. Andy and Bob enjoying banh mi sandwiches
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LIVING OUT
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out and about
I-Read
by gregg shapiro
iRead: Winter Books arts and entertainment
fact and fiction Sophie Tucker was a real person, but in I Am Sophie Tucker (Prospecta Press, 2014) by Susan & Lloyd Ecker (producers of the doc The Outrageous Sophie Tucker), the authors have come up with the first in a three-part series of fictional memoirs about Tucker, who is also known as the “Last of the Red Hot Mamas.”
Described as “a century of portraits from the photographers of the Chicago Tribune, the coffeetable book Chicago Portraits (Midway, 2014), with a foreword by Rick Kogan and an introduction by Chicago Tribune Picture Editor Michael Zajakowski, begins on a queer note with a 2012 Alex Garcia photo of Brian Bannon, the openly gay head of the Chicago Public Library. Other LGBT portraits include Gerald Arpino, Rudolph Valentini, queer couples Stan Shellbarger and Dutes Miller and Sarah Stigler and Missy Davellis, as well as LGBT supporters such as Barack Obama, Richard M. Daley, Studs Terkel, Lady Gaga and others. Oscar-winning actress Dame Judi Dench has worked with some of the great gay actors of our time, including Ian McKellan, Simon Callow, Antony Sher, Ben Wishaw, Rupert Everett and the late John Gielgud and Denholm Elliott, as well as gay writer John Logan and gay filmmaker Franco Zeffirelli. Dench also portrayed obsessive lesbian stalker Barbara Covett in Notes From a Scandal and the mother of a gay son in Philomena and J. Edgar. These actors, movies and more can be found in the pages of Behind the Scenes (St. Martin’s, 2014). Viv Albertine, who played guitar in the influential, allfemale, feminist UK punk band The Slits, has her say in Clothes Clothes Clothes Music Music Music Boys Boys Boys (Thomas Dunne/St. Martin’s, 2014), in which she details her personal adventures involving Sid Vicious (and Nancy Spungen!), Johnny Thunders (of the New York Dolls), The Clash (specifically Mick Jones) and other musicians, as well as the birth of punk, the men (and women) in her life and the role of fashion, to mention a few of the subjects upon which she touches. 16 • LIVING OUT
Journalist and biographer James Gavin, who has written about Lena Horne, Chet Baker and “the golden age of cabaret,” turns his attention to legendary singer and songwriter Peggy Lee in Is That All There Is?: The Strange Life of Peggy Lee (Atria, 2014), detailing the rise and fall of the woman whose hits included “Fever” and songs from Disney’s Lady and the Tramp, among many others.
Musician and writer Daniel Rachel, the author of The Art of Noise: Conversations with Great Songwriters (St. Martin’s Griffin, 2014), compiled 27 interviews with “British songwriting giants,” including queer artists such as Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe (of Pet Shop Boys) and Joan Armatrading, as well as talented allies including Annie Lennox, and Lily Allen, among others.
self help?
Coming Out To Play (Penguin, 2014) by Robbie Rogers, with Eric Marcus, is openly gay soccer superstar Rogers’ effort to clarify the “shorthand versions” of his life that have made it to print (and other media) since he came out publicly in early 2013. The book includes 16 pages of photos and three “trading cards.” Alone: The Triumph and Tragedy of John Curry (Bloomsbury, 2014) by Bill Jones follows openly gay British figure skater John Curry from public Olympic glory to the privacy of “a tortured, lonely man of labyrinthine complexity.”
coffee table books The title almost says it all when it comes to Justin Luke Zirilli’s The Gay Gospel: A Survival Guide for Gay 20Somethings in America Today (justinlukenyc.com). With a foreword by Michael Musto, the book is separated into sections addressing “Looking,” “Dating,” “Loving,” and “Breaking Up,” among others. There are readers who also want to be writers. Steven Pinker’s The Sense of Style: The Thinking Person’s Guide to Writing in the 21st Century (Viking, 2014) applies cognitive science and other tools to get to the heart of language and writing, to not only make us better writers, but also better readers.
Drag goddess Jeza Belle’s coffee table cookbook The Harlot’s Guide to Messy Classy Cocktails (Outskirts Press, 2014), with an introduction by none other than Lady Bunny, features drink recipes – separated into categories such as “Aperitif,” “Power Lunch,” “Party” and “Passed Out Drunk In the Alley” – by more than two dozen of her “fabulous drag queen friends from around the world,” including Latrice Royale, Yara Sofia, Kevin Aviance, Sister Roma, and Sherry Vine. “The most trusted stranger in America,” Frank Warren, creator of the PostSecret project in which people share their most intimate secrets on postcards and send them to him, has compiled hundreds of these creative confessions, on topics ranging from sex, infidelity, weight, sexual and domestic abuse, love, hate, insecurity, lies and more, into the book The World of PostSecret (William Morrow, 2014).
If you or anyone on your holiday gift list has been patiently waiting for a collaboration between acclaimed songwriter Stephin Merritt (The Magnetic Fields) and cartoonist Roz Chast (The New Yorker), the wait is over. Merritt applies his love of word games, specifically Scrabble and Words With Friends, to the queer and quippy four-line poems in 101 Two-Letter Words (Norton, 2014), each with an accompanying illustration by Chast. This book is an entertaining and educational gift for lovers of language and word play.
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calendar of events Gay Cupids Brunch Sunday, Feb. 15th, 11 a.m. - 2 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore The Center is hosting a post-Valentine's Day Big Gay Brunch for gay and bisexual men, ages 18+. Enjoy a romantic and fun afternoon with friends, food, and music, and maybe even get stuck with Cupid's arrow of LOVE! Tickets are $9 per person and will be on sale at the door. Seats are limited, please RSVP by Monday, February 9th. RSVP by email (programs@lilgbtcenter.org), phone (631.665.2300) or on Facebook www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
SNAP: Sexual Negotiation and Prevention Saturday, Feb. 23rd,10 a.m. -2 p.m. Saturday, March 7th,10a.m.-2p.m. Saturday, March 14th,10a.m.-2p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore SNAP is back...and you don't want to miss it! Sexual Negotiation and Prevention (SNAP) is a group about friends (both old and new) talking about sexual health and everyday issues that impact our communities, especially stopping HIV/ AIDS. Young gay and bi men up to age 24 will meet three Saturdays in a row at The Center at Bay Shore and all graduates get a $50 gift card to Target! RSVPs are required and sign up fast, because space is limited! www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
SAGE-LI Movie & Discussion: Beginners Tuesday, Feb. 17th, 11 a.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Li-Queens Gay PTSA Suite 110, Woodbury Monday, March 9th, 7 p.m. A young man is rocked by two Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, announcements from his elderly father: 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore that he has terminal cancer and that he has a young male lover. Join us for some popcorn, good company, and this Oscar Award winning romantic comedy followed by a group discussion! www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Be Proud, Be Responsible! Thursday, Feb. 19th, 2-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore A fun, full-day workshop dedicated to providing LGBT yourh and their allies with the power to make proud and responsible choices concerning their sexual health. Free pizza and van transportation available. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
SAGE-LI Valentine's Day Dance Saturday, Feb. 21st, 6 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Join us for great company, good food, live music, and dancing! We encourage you to bring your family, friends, and loved ones. Admision is $12 per person. RSVP and payment required by Tuesday, February 17th. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
SAGE-LI Munch & Mingle: Valentines Day Lunch Tuesday, Feb. 24th, 11 a.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Join us for a very special luncheon to celebrate LOVE! Singles and couples are encouraged to attend. Lunch and light refreshments will be provided. Lunch will cost $8 per person and includes a variety of piza, garlic knots, and dessert. RSVP and payment required by Friday, February 20th. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Senior Focus Group Monday, Feb. 23rd,1 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Come join our coed, peer-led, issuefocused discussion group. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Volunteer Orientation Tuesday, March 10th, 6 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Monday, March 16th, 6 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Learn how you can become a volunteer for the LGBT Network! www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
20 Something 2nd & 4th Fridays, 7:30-9 p.m Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Discussion and support group for LGBT people in their 20’s. A safe and affirming space to share their experiences. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
Advisory Board (SAGE-LI) Monday, March 2nd, 1-2 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Tuesday, March 3rd 1-2 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury
Drop-In HIV/STD Testing: Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Hampton Bays Mingle 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 3-5 p.m. Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for LGBT seniors 50+ on the East End. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
LIFE in Nassau 2nd Thursday, 7-9 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury LIFE in Nassau meets every second Thursday. Open to adults of all genders and orientations with an interest in BDSM topics.
LIGALY Advisory Board Mondays, 6-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Bowl Long Island, 138 West Rd., Patchogue
Closed group for all ages. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Brother2Brother 2nd & 4th Fridays, 7-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
This group provides a safe and supportive environment for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one or friend while offering help and guidence with the grieving process. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
Monday Mingle Mondays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore SAGE-LI’s weekly social for LGBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Nassau County Mingle Tuesdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury SAGE-LI’s weekly social for LGBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Woodbury www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
OUTlet Fridays, 8 p.m.-Midnight Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friday night social program for LGBT youth and their friends ages 13-21. Themes for this month include "Masqueerade Ball" (Feb. 13th), "Assassins Night" (Feb. 20th), "Rocky Horror Night" (Feb. 27th). $2 admission, transportation available. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Parent Support Group 1st & 3rd Thursdays, 6-7 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore LITE Social and 1st Monday, 6-7 p.m. Discussion Group Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 1st & 3rd Mondays, 7:30-9 p.m. 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Nassau: Center at Woodbury, Suite 110, Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, If you workand/or have engag Suite 110, Woodbury Discussion group for parents of LGBT Wednesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. children. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 6:30-8 p.m. PEP Teams – Suffolk East End: The Hamptons Thursdays, 6-8 p.m. GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, Sag Harbor 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League. LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473
We want to hear your voice! This group provides feedback on current SAGE-LI programming, offers ideas for additional An open discussion group for programming, and helps plan future transgender people and their friends events. All are welcome! and family. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Alcoholics Anonymous Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
Long Island LGBT Bereavement Group 2nd & 4th Mondays, 7-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury
Living PositHIVly 1st & 3rdThursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury A support group for LGBT people living with HIV/AIDS. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for LGBT young people. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
Safe Schools Team Wednesdays, 6-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
SAGE-LI Evening Mingle 3rd Wednesday, 7-9 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury If you workand/or have engagements during the day that limit you from attending the fabulous SAGE-LI daytime programming, this is the program for you. All are welcome! There will be no Evening Mingle for the month of February. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
SAGE-LI Women at Nassau Wednesdays, 7:30-8:45 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury (SWAN) A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, & transgender women as well as women questioning their identity. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
TRUE Calling Tuesdays, 6-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury
You Gotta Believe Mondays, 6-9 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore The Long Island LGBT Community Center has partnered with You Gotta Believe, a non-profit organization that places teenagers into permanent adoptive homes, to provide Adoptive Parent Preparation Classes! If you are interested in participating, please call 631.665.2300. www.lgbtnetwork.org
Youth Group Tuesdays, 5-7 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor All East End youth should come check out this new hot LGBT spot. Every Tuesday is a fun interactive youth group: hang out with others in the lounge. You won’t want to miss it! www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950
Youth Support Group 4th Thursday, 5-6p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
For all youth under 21 to come share their LIGALY is offering a great opportunity for thoughts, problems and ups and downs black & Latino gay & bisexual youth and in a confidential, safe space. their friends to show off their skills! Sing, www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950 act, dance, or perform. VITA Free Tax Preparation www.lgbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011
Women 2 Women Tuesdays, 7:15-8:45 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
Tuesdays, 4-7 p.m. Wednesdays, 4-7 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore
Free tax form preparation for low- to W2W is dedicated to providing a safe and moderate- income individuals and supportive space for lesbians age 40+. families. Bilingual tax assistors available. www.lgbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300
The LGBT Network's community centers will be closed on february 16th. All programs scheduled for these dates have been cancelled. If you have any questions or concerns, please visit lgbtnetwork.org or call 516.323.011/631.665.2300.
Do you have a special date coming up? aN engagement? wedding? Birthday? or a birth announcement? We want to hear about it! submit your special dates to be featured on our announcements page (pg. 9). Visit livingoutli.org and click on the announcements button to submit yours today!
Have an event you want listed here? E-mail: editor@livingoutli.org
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living healthy parenting
by Chris mcnamee
Breaking Up is Hard to Do The Downside of Love As Valentine’s Day approaches, let’s take a minute to consider the downside of love; breaking up. Most of us would like to believe that everlasting love is not just the stuff of fairy tales and Hallmark cards. Yet, except for those lucky few who find their soul mate the first time around, the sad truth is that most people will experience the heartache of the end of a relationship at some point in their lives. When the relationship involves children, breaking up can be complicated, especially if one party is attempting to keep the other from seeing the children. Fortunately, this is becoming harder to do. One of the best things to come out of the gay rights movement is the granting of custody and visitation rights to nonbiological parents. Until recently, nonbiological parents were at the mercy of their child’s biological parent in the event of a break-up. While many biological parents recognized the importance of keeping their former partners involved in their children’s lives, others used the lack of legal recognition to sever ties between them, often to the detriment of both the ex and the child. So what about couples who are not legally married, or blended families in which there was no second parent adoption? Unless there is an issue that would make it unsafe for the children to spend
time with an ex (substance abuse, for example), it is generally in the children’s best interests to be allowed, and even encouraged, to maintain contact with their parent’s ex after a split.
it is very important for the adults to reassure the children that they are loved unconditionally and that whatever problem led to the break up had nothing to do with them.
Children are often confused and frightened by a break-up of the adults in their lives. If they never witnessed any fighting or disagreements, they might be taken entirely by surprise when they are told about an impending split. It would not be unusual for a child to wonder if his or her own behavior had caused the problem. Consequently,
It is important to be mindful of your own emotions and how you convey them. If you are a couple in this situation, then you already know that doing what’s best for the children can be very difficult. It can mean maintaining contact with a person you might rather not see, perhaps someone who has hurt you, or with whom you are still in love and trying to get over. It could mean being civil to an ex’s new partner, which is especially difficult if that person was involved in the split. Or, it could merely mean that forging a friendship with your ex has to happen sooner rather than later. It is important to be mindful of your own emotions and how you convey them. You must respect the love that your children and your ex have for each other. Do not allow yourself to badmouth your ex to the children, nor attempt to get information about your ex’s activities by “casually” asking them questions. Kids are more aware of this kind of prying than you might think, and putting them in a position to spy for you can make them feel disloyal and torn by their double allegiances. Try not to lose sight of the fact that you brought your partner into your child’s life because you believed that they would be a family, and the bonds they have formed are not yours to break.
about the author: Chris mcnamee has a b.S. in Family Services/Child Studies, a M.A. in Intersex Conditions and Gender Identity Disorders in Children and Adolescents and is the Former owner/operator of Kid ‘n Kaboodle Child Care as well as the Former Coordinator for Long Island Family Connections, Gay Parents Support Network.
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living healthy
wellness
by jennifer nyx
One Universal I am sure you can agree that there is one universal truth. No matter what religion you are, race, color, height, weight, where you live, or what language you speak, the one universal truth that we can all agree on is that we want to be healthier. The media promotes quick weight loss pills and there is an abundance of infomercials on fitness DVDs/equipment to get you in better shape. I believe it is very overwhelming to turn on the TV and see all of these products being promoted.
It is quite intimidating but yet promising as well. Yes, people all over the world are getting great results on most of these products, but for how long? You may even know someone personally who has gotten results this way. We also know people who eat right, look great and seem to be healthy, but they may smoke, drink, or even do drugs. I am sure they even know
they can be healthier. Being healthy could mean something different to each person. Maybe you need to eat more vegetables, drink more water, or stop eating junk food and fast food. Or you just need to start moving that body of yours, walking, jogging, running, anything! How many fitness products or diet programs have you tried that worked? The magic question I have for you is, how long did those results last? Did you gain the weight back? Did you get results and then one day just stopped? Why did
you stop? Why is it not working for you anymore? I myself have tried many different programs. I tried Herbalife, it worked. I have tried Weight Watchers, it worked twice. I tried the Atkins diet, it worked twice too. I tried skipping meals, but my energy level was poor and I was irritable and cranky. I tried the caffeine diet, which gave me lots of energy but the side effects were that I also felt psychotic, had increased anxiety and was hungry all the time. Not one of these programs worked for me long term, I always seemed to gain the weight back. What worked for me, can very well work for you. Finally I decided to take a look at things realistically and decided to take small steps. I just needed to start simple and be patient. It has been 10 years since I have lost over 60 lbs. and kept it off! I stopped smoking, stopped drinking, eliminated caffeine, and stopped using those crazy fake sugars. I shop at the farmers market, eat organic foods, no longer eat meat that are injected with antibiotics and are range free. I am no longer on crazy diets. I incorporated an exercise program that includes cardio and weight training several times a week. I have implemented a lifelong lifestyle change. The world is an unhealthy place and even the world agrees that we all need to be healthier; it’s the One Universal Truth. What difference will you make today and this year to increase your healthy habits to be a better you? You are the only you that you will ever know…aren’t you worthy of a healthier lifestyle, clarity of mind and feel good about yourself? Food changes everything. Make 2015 your year to commit to a better you!
About the author: Jennifer Nyx is a Holistic Health Coach and Personal Trainer dedicated to support her clients with their health goals and empower them to make lasting changes in their behavior and lifestyle. you can find her at talkwithjennifer.com
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Health & Beauty
Treat Yourself This Winter: nuBest salon and spa
THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.
Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program Through our Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program, you’ll have a strong foundation to reach your goals. Our most successful Financial Professional Associates are strong communicators and relationship builders with a drive for results. They’re men and women from all walks of life. Join us now and you’ll also be able to: • • • •
ENJOY excellent compensation potential PARTICIPATE in a flexible training plan LEARN through on-the-job sales experiences EARN your professional licenses
Prudential received a 100% score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for programs and practices that are inclusive of LGBT employees, consumers and investors. Find out why our diversity is also our strength. For more information, please contact: Rony A. Nehme CLU®, LUTCF, CLTC Managing Director Email: rony.nehme@prudential.com Phone: 516-794-6175
©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify. 0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013
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Let’s face it: Winter can be a real drag, but everything you need for an amazing staycation is located right at nuBest salon and spa. There are some basic indulgences that no one should have to live without. nuBest salon and spa has the perfect antidote to fighting the winter blahs – the nuBest signature facial and the nuBest signature massage. These pampering treatments are the perfect way to escape the winter doldrums, while leaving you feeling refreshed and relaxed.
Signature Facial – $120 The nuBest signature facial is a highly personalized treatment that improves the skin’s texture, replenishes moisture, and leaves skin glowing. The signature treatment includes a thorough cleansing of the skin around the nose, cheeks and chin followed by a gentle yet brightening exfoliation. Gentle extractions are made if necessary. A relaxing face, décolletage and hand massage is given, followed by a special hydrating eye mask, which reduces puffiness while firming fine lines and wrinkles. The treatment is 75 minutes of pure relaxation and rejuvenation.
Signature Massage – $125 The nuBest signature massage is a customized full body treatment that focuses on releasing tension, relaxing muscles, and improving circulation. This massage is designed to activate the healing powers of the body with special attention given to the feet. Warm towels, lightly scented with essential oils are applied to the feet followed by a reflexology massage.
About nuBest: For over 40 years nuBest salon and spa has been the beauty destination for fashionable people who want to look and feel their best. Michael Mazzei and his staff of over 125 beauty professionals provide worldrenowned services including; hair design, hair color, hair straightening and perming, facials, massages, eyelash extensions, traditional and air-brush makeup application, spa nail services, waxing, threading, laser hair removal, special bridal services and personalized Spa parties, all in a cutting edge space of over 20,000. Sq. ft. Michael and his son Jamie, and nephews Vincent and Christian are proud to be an integral part of the beauty community and look forward to continuing their tradition of creativity and excellent service. nuBest salon and spa is located at 1482 Northern Boulevard, Manhasset, NY 11030. For more information on salon and spa services, visit their website at nubestsalon.com LIVING OUT
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living smart
finance
While we’re currently in the middle of Winter, many of us might be thinking about plans for the Spring and Summer. Some of these plans may include going to the beach, spending time outdoors, or travelling on a vacation. No matter when or where you may want to go on vacation, it will still cost something! Here are a few tips to help you save for your next getaway:
Set Up a Separate Savings Account for Your Vacation Many financial institutions may have an account in place such as a “Vacation” savings account. If not, a regular savings account can be used as well. The key is to always put a certain amount away each payday and not touch it until you pay for vacation expenses.
Determine How Much the Vacation Will Cost After establishing an account, it’s important to determine how much the vacation you want to take will cost! Keep in mind travel expenses. For example, if you were taking a cruise, you’d have to consider the costs for the boarding pass/lodging, traveling to and from the cruise terminal, toiletries, luggage, and clothing. On top of that, you will need money on-board and on land at your destination(s) for food/ drinks, souvenirs, and recreation. Depending where you go on land, you may need money as well for local transportation from the cruise terminal. Last but not least, don’t forget you will need additional funds for spending money for yourself and to tip people for services!
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Cut Down Expenses Cut down on some unnecessary expenses each week; it’ll help you save money for your vacation. Instead of eating out, buy some extra groceries and make something at home. Instead of going out for lunch, bring lunch to work with you from home as well. Also, cutting down on that morning cup of coffee could make a big difference in savings!
Sell Things You No Longer Need You might have some extra things at home lying around that you have no need for or no longer use. If it is in good condition, you might be able to sell it. Take a look around your house and you might be able to put a few items on eBay, Craig’s List, or sell to a local store. As they say, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.
Use Any Extra Money You May Have Received (ex. Bonus & Tax Return) As it is a New Year, some of you may have recently received a bonus from your job. It may be something you can use to help with your vacation costs. In addition, when you file your taxes from last year, you may be able to use a portion of your tax return money as well.
Save Your Loose Change
Monitor your Goal and Stay Motivated!
Saving up your change from daily cash purchases quickly adds up. Every time you receive change from a purchase, throw it into a jar or piggy bank to save up. Do you live on a budget? Put any extra money you don’t use in the jar as well. Before you leave on vacation, cash it in; it will end up being an extra bit of spending money.
Keep an eye on your progress for saving for your vacation. Keep motivated by posting up reminders or images of your vacation destination in key locations, such as by your computer screen, by the food pantry, refrigerator, etc. As long as you stay focused and motivated, you’ll easily save up for your vacation!
For more money saving information, visit livingoutli.org/livingsmart >> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG
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points of view Seeing in the dark
by Belo Cipriani
The Funny Side: An Interview with Gay and Disabled Comedian Greg Walloch As a person with a physical disability, I’m often told by members of the LGBTQ community that I’m inspirational, a role model, and even a miracle (the latter one is most common at Latin gay bars). And while I don’t mind being told I’m any of those things if it’s genuine, sometimes the compliment sounds awkward. One day, at the White Horse in Oakland, I was walking from one end of the bar with my white cane to their smoking patio when I heard a woman speak into my ear, “Wow, look at you being so independent!” I quickly turned towards the voice and replied, “You too!” The crowd around me broke into light laughter. Then, a guy to my right offered to buy me a drink – his voice hoarse from chuckling. Nothing brings people together like humor, and I find that sharing the funny side of disability helps people interact with me. I have a deep appreciation for comedy and greatly admire those who have made it their career.
Recently, I was acquainted with the work of openly gay and disabled comedian Greg Walloch, whose work I find riveting, hysterical and thought provoking all at once. Through an email exchange, Walloch answered a few questions about his childhood and his career. The 44-year-old monologist and teacher had a pretty ordinary childhood, despite growing up with cerebral palsy. And he doesn’t feel his parents treated him any differently than they did his sibling. “They had the same expectations for me as they did for my brother. They raised good kids,” he wrote. He also feels that his disability didn’t impact his upbringing and that he went through the traditional rights of passage like anyone else. Walloch says, “It’s all I’ve really known, you know? So I only have my experience to offer. So to me that seems pretty normal. School, first kiss, friends, hopes and dreams – like everybody else.” The L.A. native’s vivid storytelling expands over several mediums that include books, film, TV and radio; some of the highlights of his career being a guest appearance on The Howard Stern Show in 1998, touring in Europe and contributing to the Lambda Literary awardwinning anthology Queer Crips.
Although Walloch is known internationally as a comic, he admits that comedy wasn’t his goal. “Comedy was not my aim at the start. It’s just that some of the stories I was telling happened to be funny.” When asked about being referred to as inspirational, he said, “To be called inspirational, I imagine it feels exactly the way my black or Hispanic friends feel when people call them ‘urban’ or ‘festive.’ If you mean it and it’s heartfelt, then I’ll take it. It’s all about intention.” Walloch balances his life between touring, teaching writing workshops and living life to its fullest. He dates and does not feel that his disability keeps him from meeting guys. “I throw off a pretty slutty vibe,
so I feel like that overrides any apprehension that men have about my disability.” As someone who belongs to more than one minority group, I was especially interested in hearing Walloch’s take on being gay and disabled. He wrote, “Fantastic parades, guys with hot asses and premium parking! What more could I possibly ask for?” Greg Walloch has a vibrant career and is working on several projects. Currently, he is developing a TV show based on his monologues and has plans to tour and present his comedy around the globe. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram or you can visit his website at gregwalloch.com.
Belo Cipriani is a staffing professional, the Writer-in-Residence at Holy Names University, a spokesperson for Guide Dogs for the Blind, the “Get to Work” columnist for SFGate.com, and the author of Blind: A Memoir and Midday Dreams. Learn more at BeloCipriani.com. 28
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Exciting Career Opportunities! Grow at the LGBT Network and make a difference in the lives of LGBT Long Islanders Open Positions Center Family Project Coordinator (F/T) Community Educator (F/T) Development Officer for Special Events (F/T) Director of Community Services (F/T) Graphic Design and Video Specialist (F/T) Community Services Coordinator (F/T)
For full job descriptions and to apply, visit lgbtnetwork.org/careers
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points of view op-ed
Remembering Mildred’s Loving Spirit On this Valentine’s Day, I am reminded of no greater challenge to marriage equality than samesex marriage that many LGBTQ activists are still struggling for in their states. However, the precedent for same-sex marriage was set by an African American woman named Mildred Loving (born 1942) who I am honoring as one of my sheroes for Black History Month.
Mildred Loving (right) gained notoriety when the U.S. Supreme Court decided in her favor that anti-miscegenation laws are unconstitutional. Loving’s crime was then this country’s racial and gender obsession – interracial marriage. Married to a white man, Mildred Loving and her husband were indicted by a Virginia grand jury in October 1958 for violating the state’s “Racial Integrity Act of 1924.” The trial judge stated the following to the guilty couple: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay and red, and He placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with His arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that He separated the races shows that He did not intend for the races to mix.” The trial judge suspended their sentences on the condition the Lovings leave Virginia and not return to the state together for twenty-five years. The Lovings initially agreed
and left, but soon after returned, and decided to fight their case.
cannot be infringed by the State. These convictions must be reversed.”
On June 12, 1967, Chief Justice Earl Warren delivered the opinion of the Court: “Marriage is one of the ‘basic civil rights of man,’ fundamental to our very existence and survival. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law.
Since the beheading of St. Valentine in Rome in the year 270 A.D., marriage has been controlled by church heads and heads of states and not by the hearts of lovers. When Emperor Claudius II issued an edict abolishing marriage because married men hated to leave their families for battle, Valentine, known then as the “friend to lovers,” secretly joined couples in holy matrimony.
The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and
While awaiting his execution, Valentine fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and in his farewell message to her, he penned a note that said, “From your Valentine!” May the “Loving-spirit” of Mildred and the justice acts of St. Valentine be with us on this day.
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points of view op-ed
by Gwendolyn Ann Smith
Early in the morning of the 28th of December, a 17-year-old trans woman by the name of Leelah Alcorn was struck and killed by a semi-truck on Interstate 71 near Union Township, Ohio. At 5:30 p.m., hours after the accident, a post by Alcorn automatically posted to her Tumblr page. The note – displayed on a light pink with a pixilated unicorn cat in the background – was titled, simply, “Suicide Note.” “I have decided I’ve had enough,” wrote Alcorn in her suicide note. “There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me.” Also in this post, she discussed her life with her parents, a heartbreaking story of rejection. “When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness,” wrote Alcorn. “After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong.” According to Alcorn, her parents chose to isolate her, taking away her laptop and phone, and removed her from public school. She was also forbidden from going to a gender therapist, instead being sent to Christian-based conversion therapists. “I only got more Christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help,” wrote Alcorn. Just before noon of the 28th of December, Carla Alcorn, Leelah’s
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mother, posted to her Facebook page, letting family and friends know that her “son... went home to heaven this morning.” She did not know that Leelah’s Tumblr – and another post by her on Reddit some time before – would give a very different tale later that day. In the wake of Leelah Alcorn’s death, her parents have been called onto CNN and elsewhere, speaking about the “son” that the loved “no matter what,” but how they did not support her transition for religious reasons. These are the same parents who have since gotten Leelah’s Tumblr account wiped clean, erasing her last wishes to “fix society” “The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was,” wrote Alcorn. “They’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something.” Leelah Alcorn’s passing has shook the transgender community to its foundations. We’re all upset, we are all grieving, and we’re all angry. After a year of having an increase of trans visibility and legal protections comes a death that we were powerless to prevent – and equally as powerless to prevent her family from further erasing her chosen identity. “Concern trolls” have come out of the woodwork, telling people that we should not share her last words as it could potentially encourage others to follow her lead. Meanwhile, other trolls have been jamming transgender suicide hotlines, continuing a brutal online campaign to force transgender people to commit suicide that was born out of the some of the dimmer passageways on the Internet. “My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year,” wrote Alcorn. “I want
someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it.” She’s right. It is f-ked up. It needs to be fixed. I talk about anti-transgender murders quite a lot – but stories
“When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was.” -Leelah Alcorn like this highlight that suicide is just as much an epidemic within the transgender community. A study from American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law at the beginning of last year showed that 41% of transgender or gender nonconforming people have attempted suicide at some point. That is nine times the national average. The percentage rises even higher for those who face homelessness, or have turned away from medical care for being
transgender. Important to note that this same study also showed a decrease for those who had strong ties with a supportive family. Leelah’s parents may well be a lost cause. They loved their son so much that they were willing to lose their daughter. They’ve chosen to pretend that this entire, vital part of their child’s life simply did not exist. I suppose that’s their right to do, too, even through I personally feel they were plenty culpable in her death. There are a great many other parents out there however, and a whole lot more young trans people of all stripes that need support and need help. It is up to all of us to reach our hand out and do so. Our community needs to look ahead. We need to look for ways we can help provide a nurturing, supportive environment for our youth. How can we reach out for the next Leelah Alcorn, give them hope, and provide for them the strength to carry on. We also need to do what we can to stand with our larger LGBT community and together see an end of conversion therapy that seeks to “pray away the gay.” These same therapists are preying on us as much as they prey on our lesbian, gay, and bi youth. We need to fix it. Not just in Leelah Alcorn’s memory, but for every other young transgender person. Gwen Smith wants more lives to celebrate, not mourn. You’ll find her at @gwenners on Twitter. LIVING OUT
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living healthy parenting
by Chris mcnamee
Breaking Up is Hard to Do The Downside of Love As Valentine’s Day approaches, let’s take a minute to consider the downside of love; breaking up. Most of us would like to believe that everlasting love is not just the stuff of fairy tales and Hallmark cards. Yet, except for those lucky few who find their soul mate the first time around, the sad truth is that most people will experience the heartache of the end of a relationship at some point in their lives. When the relationship involves children, breaking up can be complicated, especially if one party is attempting to keep the other from seeing the children. Fortunately, this is becoming harder to do. One of the best things to come out of the gay rights movement is the granting of custody and visitation rights to nonbiological parents. Until recently, nonbiological parents were at the mercy of their child’s biological parent in the event of a break-up. While many biological parents recognized the importance of keeping their former partners involved in their children’s lives, others used the lack of legal recognition to sever ties between them, often to the detriment of both the ex and the child. So what about couples who are not legally married, or blended families in which there was no second parent adoption? Unless there is an issue that would make it unsafe for the children to spend
time with an ex (substance abuse, for example), it is generally in the children’s best interests to be allowed, and even encouraged, to maintain contact with their parent’s ex after a split.
it is very important for the adults to reassure the children that they are loved unconditionally and that whatever problem led to the break up had nothing to do with them.
Children are often confused and frightened by a break-up of the adults in their lives. If they never witnessed any fighting or disagreements, they might be taken entirely by surprise when they are told about an impending split. It would not be unusual for a child to wonder if his or her own behavior had caused the problem. Consequently,
It is important to be mindful of your own emotions and how you convey them. If you are a couple in this situation, then you already know that doing what’s best for the children can be very difficult. It can mean maintaining contact with a person you might rather not see, perhaps someone who has hurt you, or with whom you are still in love and trying to get over. It could mean being civil to an ex’s new partner, which is especially difficult if that person was involved in the split. Or, it could merely mean that forging a friendship with your ex has to happen sooner rather than later. It is important to be mindful of your own emotions and how you convey them. You must respect the love that your children and your ex have for each other. Do not allow yourself to badmouth your ex to the children, nor attempt to get information about your ex’s activities by “casually” asking them questions. Kids are more aware of this kind of prying than you might think, and putting them in a position to spy for you can make them feel disloyal and torn by their double allegiances. Try not to lose sight of the fact that you brought your partner into your child’s life because you believed that they would be a family, and the bonds they have formed are not yours to break.
about the author: Chris mcnamee has a b.S. in Family Services/Child Studies, a M.A. in Intersex Conditions and Gender Identity Disorders in Children and Adolescents and is the Former owner/operator of Kid ‘n Kaboodle Child Care as well as the Former Coordinator for Long Island Family Connections, Gay Parents Support Network.
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living healthy
wellness
by jennifer nyx
One Universal I am sure you can agree that there is one universal truth. No matter what religion you are, race, color, height, weight, where you live, or what language you speak, the one universal truth that we can all agree on is that we want to be healthier. The media promotes quick weight loss pills and there is an abundance of infomercials on fitness DVDs/equipment to get you in better shape. I believe it is very overwhelming to turn on the TV and see all of these products being promoted.
It is quite intimidating but yet promising as well. Yes, people all over the world are getting great results on most of these products, but for how long? You may even know someone personally who has gotten results this way. We also know people who eat right, look great and seem to be healthy, but they may smoke, drink, or even do drugs. I am sure they even know
they can be healthier. Being healthy could mean something different to each person. Maybe you need to eat more vegetables, drink more water, or stop eating junk food and fast food. Or you just need to start moving that body of yours, walking, jogging, running, anything! How many fitness products or diet programs have you tried that worked? The magic question I have for you is, how long did those results last? Did you gain the weight back? Did you get results and then one day just stopped? Why did
you stop? Why is it not working for you anymore? I myself have tried many different programs. I tried Herbalife, it worked. I have tried Weight Watchers, it worked twice. I tried the Atkins diet, it worked twice too. I tried skipping meals, but my energy level was poor and I was irritable and cranky. I tried the caffeine diet, which gave me lots of energy but the side effects were that I also felt psychotic, had increased anxiety and was hungry all the time. Not one of these programs worked for me long term, I always seemed to gain the weight back. What worked for me, can very well work for you. Finally I decided to take a look at things realistically and decided to take small steps. I just needed to start simple and be patient. It has been 10 years since I have lost over 60 lbs. and kept it off! I stopped smoking, stopped drinking, eliminated caffeine, and stopped using those crazy fake sugars. I shop at the farmers market, eat organic foods, no longer eat meat that are injected with antibiotics and are range free. I am no longer on crazy diets. I incorporated an exercise program that includes cardio and weight training several times a week. I have implemented a lifelong lifestyle change. The world is an unhealthy place and even the world agrees that we all need to be healthier; it’s the One Universal Truth. What difference will you make today and this year to increase your healthy habits to be a better you? You are the only you that you will ever know…aren’t you worthy of a healthier lifestyle, clarity of mind and feel good about yourself? Food changes everything. Make 2015 your year to commit to a better you!
About the author: Jennifer Nyx is a Holistic Health Coach and Personal Trainer dedicated to support her clients with their health goals and empower them to make lasting changes in their behavior and lifestyle. you can find her at talkwithjennifer.com
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living smart
Health & Beauty
Treat Yourself This Winter: nuBest salon and spa
THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.
Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program Through our Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program, you’ll have a strong foundation to reach your goals. Our most successful Financial Professional Associates are strong communicators and relationship builders with a drive for results. They’re men and women from all walks of life. Join us now and you’ll also be able to: • • • •
ENJOY excellent compensation potential PARTICIPATE in a flexible training plan LEARN through on-the-job sales experiences EARN your professional licenses
Prudential received a 100% score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for programs and practices that are inclusive of LGBT employees, consumers and investors. Find out why our diversity is also our strength. For more information, please contact: Rony A. Nehme CLU®, LUTCF, CLTC Managing Director Email: rony.nehme@prudential.com Phone: 516-794-6175
©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify. 0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013
>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG
Let’s face it: Winter can be a real drag, but everything you need for an amazing staycation is located right at nuBest salon and spa. There are some basic indulgences that no one should have to live without. nuBest salon and spa has the perfect antidote to fighting the winter blahs – the nuBest signature facial and the nuBest signature massage. These pampering treatments are the perfect way to escape the winter doldrums, while leaving you feeling refreshed and relaxed.
Signature Facial – $120 The nuBest signature facial is a highly personalized treatment that improves the skin’s texture, replenishes moisture, and leaves skin glowing. The signature treatment includes a thorough cleansing of the skin around the nose, cheeks and chin followed by a gentle yet brightening exfoliation. Gentle extractions are made if necessary. A relaxing face, décolletage and hand massage is given, followed by a special hydrating eye mask, which reduces puffiness while firming fine lines and wrinkles. The treatment is 75 minutes of pure relaxation and rejuvenation.
Signature Massage – $125 The nuBest signature massage is a customized full body treatment that focuses on releasing tension, relaxing muscles, and improving circulation. This massage is designed to activate the healing powers of the body with special attention given to the feet. Warm towels, lightly scented with essential oils are applied to the feet followed by a reflexology massage.
About nuBest: For over 40 years nuBest salon and spa has been the beauty destination for fashionable people who want to look and feel their best. Michael Mazzei and his staff of over 125 beauty professionals provide worldrenowned services including; hair design, hair color, hair straightening and perming, facials, massages, eyelash extensions, traditional and air-brush makeup application, spa nail services, waxing, threading, laser hair removal, special bridal services and personalized Spa parties, all in a cutting edge space of over 20,000. Sq. ft. Michael and his son Jamie, and nephews Vincent and Christian are proud to be an integral part of the beauty community and look forward to continuing their tradition of creativity and excellent service. nuBest salon and spa is located at 1482 Northern Boulevard, Manhasset, NY 11030. For more information on salon and spa services, visit their website at nubestsalon.com LIVING OUT
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living smart
finance
While we’re currently in the middle of Winter, many of us might be thinking about plans for the Spring and Summer. Some of these plans may include going to the beach, spending time outdoors, or travelling on a vacation. No matter when or where you may want to go on vacation, it will still cost something! Here are a few tips to help you save for your next getaway:
Set Up a Separate Savings Account for Your Vacation Many financial institutions may have an account in place such as a “Vacation” savings account. If not, a regular savings account can be used as well. The key is to always put a certain amount away each payday and not touch it until you pay for vacation expenses.
Determine How Much the Vacation Will Cost After establishing an account, it’s important to determine how much the vacation you want to take will cost! Keep in mind travel expenses. For example, if you were taking a cruise, you’d have to consider the costs for the boarding pass/lodging, traveling to and from the cruise terminal, toiletries, luggage, and clothing. On top of that, you will need money on-board and on land at your destination(s) for food/ drinks, souvenirs, and recreation. Depending where you go on land, you may need money as well for local transportation from the cruise terminal. Last but not least, don’t forget you will need additional funds for spending money for yourself and to tip people for services!
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Cut Down Expenses Cut down on some unnecessary expenses each week; it’ll help you save money for your vacation. Instead of eating out, buy some extra groceries and make something at home. Instead of going out for lunch, bring lunch to work with you from home as well. Also, cutting down on that morning cup of coffee could make a big difference in savings!
Sell Things You No Longer Need You might have some extra things at home lying around that you have no need for or no longer use. If it is in good condition, you might be able to sell it. Take a look around your house and you might be able to put a few items on eBay, Craig’s List, or sell to a local store. As they say, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”.
Use Any Extra Money You May Have Received (ex. Bonus & Tax Return) As it is a New Year, some of you may have recently received a bonus from your job. It may be something you can use to help with your vacation costs. In addition, when you file your taxes from last year, you may be able to use a portion of your tax return money as well.
Save Your Loose Change
Monitor your Goal and Stay Motivated!
Saving up your change from daily cash purchases quickly adds up. Every time you receive change from a purchase, throw it into a jar or piggy bank to save up. Do you live on a budget? Put any extra money you don’t use in the jar as well. Before you leave on vacation, cash it in; it will end up being an extra bit of spending money.
Keep an eye on your progress for saving for your vacation. Keep motivated by posting up reminders or images of your vacation destination in key locations, such as by your computer screen, by the food pantry, refrigerator, etc. As long as you stay focused and motivated, you’ll easily save up for your vacation!
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points of view Seeing in the dark
by Belo Cipriani
The Funny Side: An Interview with Gay and Disabled Comedian Greg Walloch As a person with a physical disability, I’m often told by members of the LGBTQ community that I’m inspirational, a role model, and even a miracle (the latter one is most common at Latin gay bars). And while I don’t mind being told I’m any of those things if it’s genuine, sometimes the compliment sounds awkward. One day, at the White Horse in Oakland, I was walking from one end of the bar with my white cane to their smoking patio when I heard a woman speak into my ear, “Wow, look at you being so independent!” I quickly turned towards the voice and replied, “You too!” The crowd around me broke into light laughter. Then, a guy to my right offered to buy me a drink – his voice hoarse from chuckling. Nothing brings people together like humor, and I find that sharing the funny side of disability helps people interact with me. I have a deep appreciation for comedy and greatly admire those who have made it their career.
Recently, I was acquainted with the work of openly gay and disabled comedian Greg Walloch, whose work I find riveting, hysterical and thought provoking all at once. Through an email exchange, Walloch answered a few questions about his childhood and his career. The 44-year-old monologist and teacher had a pretty ordinary childhood, despite growing up with cerebral palsy. And he doesn’t feel his parents treated him any differently than they did his sibling. “They had the same expectations for me as they did for my brother. They raised good kids,” he wrote. He also feels that his disability didn’t impact his upbringing and that he went through the traditional rights of passage like anyone else. Walloch says, “It’s all I’ve really known, you know? So I only have my experience to offer. So to me that seems pretty normal. School, first kiss, friends, hopes and dreams – like everybody else.” The L.A. native’s vivid storytelling expands over several mediums that include books, film, TV and radio; some of the highlights of his career being a guest appearance on The Howard Stern Show in 1998, touring in Europe and contributing to the Lambda Literary awardwinning anthology Queer Crips.
Although Walloch is known internationally as a comic, he admits that comedy wasn’t his goal. “Comedy was not my aim at the start. It’s just that some of the stories I was telling happened to be funny.” When asked about being referred to as inspirational, he said, “To be called inspirational, I imagine it feels exactly the way my black or Hispanic friends feel when people call them ‘urban’ or ‘festive.’ If you mean it and it’s heartfelt, then I’ll take it. It’s all about intention.” Walloch balances his life between touring, teaching writing workshops and living life to its fullest. He dates and does not feel that his disability keeps him from meeting guys. “I throw off a pretty slutty vibe,
so I feel like that overrides any apprehension that men have about my disability.” As someone who belongs to more than one minority group, I was especially interested in hearing Walloch’s take on being gay and disabled. He wrote, “Fantastic parades, guys with hot asses and premium parking! What more could I possibly ask for?” Greg Walloch has a vibrant career and is working on several projects. Currently, he is developing a TV show based on his monologues and has plans to tour and present his comedy around the globe. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram or you can visit his website at gregwalloch.com.
Belo Cipriani is a staffing professional, the Writer-in-Residence at Holy Names University, a spokesperson for Guide Dogs for the Blind, the “Get to Work” columnist for SFGate.com, and the author of Blind: A Memoir and Midday Dreams. Learn more at BeloCipriani.com. 28
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points of view op-ed
Remembering Mildred’s Loving Spirit On this Valentine’s Day, I am reminded of no greater challenge to marriage equality than samesex marriage that many LGBTQ activists are still struggling for in their states. However, the precedent for same-sex marriage was set by an African American woman named Mildred Loving (born 1942) who I am honoring as one of my sheroes for Black History Month.
Mildred Loving (right) gained notoriety when the U.S. Supreme Court decided in her favor that anti-miscegenation laws are unconstitutional. Loving’s crime was then this country’s racial and gender obsession – interracial marriage. Married to a white man, Mildred Loving and her husband were indicted by a Virginia grand jury in October 1958 for violating the state’s “Racial Integrity Act of 1924.” The trial judge stated the following to the guilty couple: “Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay and red, and He placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with His arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that He separated the races shows that He did not intend for the races to mix.” The trial judge suspended their sentences on the condition the Lovings leave Virginia and not return to the state together for twenty-five years. The Lovings initially agreed
and left, but soon after returned, and decided to fight their case.
cannot be infringed by the State. These convictions must be reversed.”
On June 12, 1967, Chief Justice Earl Warren delivered the opinion of the Court: “Marriage is one of the ‘basic civil rights of man,’ fundamental to our very existence and survival. To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law.
Since the beheading of St. Valentine in Rome in the year 270 A.D., marriage has been controlled by church heads and heads of states and not by the hearts of lovers. When Emperor Claudius II issued an edict abolishing marriage because married men hated to leave their families for battle, Valentine, known then as the “friend to lovers,” secretly joined couples in holy matrimony.
The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and
While awaiting his execution, Valentine fell in love with the jailer’s daughter and in his farewell message to her, he penned a note that said, “From your Valentine!” May the “Loving-spirit” of Mildred and the justice acts of St. Valentine be with us on this day.
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points of view op-ed
by Gwendolyn Ann Smith
Early in the morning of the 28th of December, a 17-year-old trans woman by the name of Leelah Alcorn was struck and killed by a semi-truck on Interstate 71 near Union Township, Ohio. At 5:30 p.m., hours after the accident, a post by Alcorn automatically posted to her Tumblr page. The note – displayed on a light pink with a pixilated unicorn cat in the background – was titled, simply, “Suicide Note.” “I have decided I’ve had enough,” wrote Alcorn in her suicide note. “There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me.” Also in this post, she discussed her life with her parents, a heartbreaking story of rejection. “When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness,” wrote Alcorn. “After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong.” According to Alcorn, her parents chose to isolate her, taking away her laptop and phone, and removed her from public school. She was also forbidden from going to a gender therapist, instead being sent to Christian-based conversion therapists. “I only got more Christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help,” wrote Alcorn. Just before noon of the 28th of December, Carla Alcorn, Leelah’s
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mother, posted to her Facebook page, letting family and friends know that her “son... went home to heaven this morning.” She did not know that Leelah’s Tumblr – and another post by her on Reddit some time before – would give a very different tale later that day. In the wake of Leelah Alcorn’s death, her parents have been called onto CNN and elsewhere, speaking about the “son” that the loved “no matter what,” but how they did not support her transition for religious reasons. These are the same parents who have since gotten Leelah’s Tumblr account wiped clean, erasing her last wishes to “fix society” “The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was,” wrote Alcorn. “They’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something.” Leelah Alcorn’s passing has shook the transgender community to its foundations. We’re all upset, we are all grieving, and we’re all angry. After a year of having an increase of trans visibility and legal protections comes a death that we were powerless to prevent – and equally as powerless to prevent her family from further erasing her chosen identity. “Concern trolls” have come out of the woodwork, telling people that we should not share her last words as it could potentially encourage others to follow her lead. Meanwhile, other trolls have been jamming transgender suicide hotlines, continuing a brutal online campaign to force transgender people to commit suicide that was born out of the some of the dimmer passageways on the Internet. “My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year,” wrote Alcorn. “I want
someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it.” She’s right. It is f-ked up. It needs to be fixed. I talk about anti-transgender murders quite a lot – but stories
“When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was.” -Leelah Alcorn like this highlight that suicide is just as much an epidemic within the transgender community. A study from American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law at the beginning of last year showed that 41% of transgender or gender nonconforming people have attempted suicide at some point. That is nine times the national average. The percentage rises even higher for those who face homelessness, or have turned away from medical care for being
transgender. Important to note that this same study also showed a decrease for those who had strong ties with a supportive family. Leelah’s parents may well be a lost cause. They loved their son so much that they were willing to lose their daughter. They’ve chosen to pretend that this entire, vital part of their child’s life simply did not exist. I suppose that’s their right to do, too, even through I personally feel they were plenty culpable in her death. There are a great many other parents out there however, and a whole lot more young trans people of all stripes that need support and need help. It is up to all of us to reach our hand out and do so. Our community needs to look ahead. We need to look for ways we can help provide a nurturing, supportive environment for our youth. How can we reach out for the next Leelah Alcorn, give them hope, and provide for them the strength to carry on. We also need to do what we can to stand with our larger LGBT community and together see an end of conversion therapy that seeks to “pray away the gay.” These same therapists are preying on us as much as they prey on our lesbian, gay, and bi youth. We need to fix it. Not just in Leelah Alcorn’s memory, but for every other young transgender person. Gwen Smith wants more lives to celebrate, not mourn. You’ll find her at @gwenners on Twitter. LIVING OUT
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