Issue 2, Volume 1: January 2013

Letter from the editor Our first issue of Living Out was met with much excitement from people across New York, reaffirming the need to not only educate others about GLBT news and current events, but connect all Long Islanders, gay and straight. With our second issue, I believe I speak for our publisher, David Kilmnick, and our team of talented contributors, in thanking you, our readers, for giving us the opportunity to marry two important outlets for social change: advocacy and writing. My goal as editor is to continue to maintain an awareness of GLBT culture and the issues that impact our community and featuring the very people that make up our Long Island towns, neighborhoods and communities—thereby strengthening that connection and bond from Mineola to Montauk.

With that said, our Long Island community has recently experienced many trying obstacles, perhaps the most difficult of which being Hurricane Sandy. The “Superstorm” wreaked havoc in late October, leaving many of our community members losing their homes and power and having to shut down countless number of schools and businesses for weeks—for some, even to this day.

Closer to the end of 2012, our region suffered more grief caused by the horrific school

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shooting in Newtown, Connecticut in early December. This senseless tragedy has brought with it much time for reflection, particularly during the holiday season. While it raises many difficult and controversial questions about gun control and the state of mental health care in our nation, it is perhaps more importantly a reminder that we need to appreciate and support one another and tell our loved ones, as often as we can, that they are cherished.

The New Year – like any fresh start – ushers in what we hope to be a time filled with new beginnings, new dreams, and new hopes.

These events offered a grim close to a 2012 that was also filled with much excitement, celebration and victories for the GLBT community across the nation. We can take all the experiences and lessons learned from 2012 and look ahead and stay connected as the beginning of 2013 arrives. The New Year— like any fresh start—ushers in what we hope to be a time filled with new beginnings, new dreams, and new hopes.

This January issue aims to reflect the hope and inspiration 2013 offers as we look forward to many great educational and cultural events for Long Island’s GLBT Community, celebrating Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth’s 20th Anniversary, anticipating the Supreme Court’s

historic decisions related to marriage equality, as well as hopefully seeing transgender rights and protections recognized here in New York.

We hope you are as excited as we are with what the coming months and year have in store.

On behalf of the Living Out team, I wish you and your loved ones a very happy, healthy and safe New Year.

With Pride,

Meryl Lumba Editor, Living Out

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january 2013 - Volume 1, Issue 2

Letter from the editor Our first issue of Living Out was met with much excitement from people across New York, reaffirming the need to not only educate others about GLBT news and current events, but connect all Long Islanders, gay and straight. With our second issue, I believe I speak for our publisher, David Kilmnick, and our team of talented contributors, in thanking you, our readers, for giving us the opportunity to marry two important outlets for social change: advocacy and writing. My goal as editor is to continue to maintain an awareness of GLBT culture and the issues that impact our community and featuring the very people that make up our Long Island towns, neighborhoods and communities—thereby strengthening that connection and bond from Mineola to Montauk.

shooting in Newtown, Connecticut in early December. This senseless tragedy has brought with it much time for reflection, particularly during the holiday season. While it raises many difficult and controversial questions about gun control and the state of mental health care in our nation, it is perhaps more importantly a reminder that we need to appreciate and support one another and tell our loved ones, as often as we can, that they are cherished.

Closer to the end of 2012, our region suffered more grief caused by the horrific school

4 5 Testing forfor HIV is is Testing HIV everyone’s thing. everyone’s thing.

historic decisions related to marriage equality, as well as hopefully seeing transgender rights and protections recognized here in New York.

We hope you are as excited as we are with what the coming months and year have in store.

These events offered a grim close to a 2012 that was also filled with much excitement, celebration and victories for the GLBT community across the nation. We can take all the experiences and lessons learned from 2012 and look ahead and stay connected as the beginning of 2013 arrives. The New Year— like any fresh start—ushers in what we hope to be a time filled with new beginnings, new dreams, and new hopes.

On behalf of the Living Out team, I wish you and your loved ones a very happy, healthy and safe New Year.

With Pride,

This January issue aims to reflect the hope and inspiration 2013 offers as we look forward to many great educational and cultural events for Long Island’s GLBT Community, celebrating Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth’s 20th Anniversary, anticipating the Supreme Court’s

International News

It’sIt’s not a black thing. not a black thing.

It’sIt’s not a white thing. not a white thing.

It’sIt’s not a gay thing. not a gay thing.

It’sIt’s not a straight thing. not a straight thing.

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With that said, our Long Island community has recently experienced many trying obstacles, perhaps the most difficult of which being Hurricane Sandy. The “Superstorm” wreaked havoc in late October, leaving many of our community members losing their homes and power and having to shut down countless number of schools and businesses for weeks—for some, even to this day.

Meryl Lumba Editor, Living Out

Out on LI

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A “quadruple lock,” crafted by Culture Secretary Maria Miller, creates “watertight” protections for religious organizations that do not want to conduct same-sex marriages, but will allow them to “opt in” if they chose to do so. However, Miller has also banned the Church of England and Church in Wales from performing same-sex marriages.

In an open letter to the Prime Minster, HRW argued that as members of the UN, Malaysia signed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and is bound by its principles of non-discrimination and equality.

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Tony and Barrie Drewitt-Barlow, who are also one of the first gay couples in the UK to have children through a surrogate mother, argue that the ban will result in discrimination against them.

Barrie Drewitt-Barlow told Pink News that if the bill passes in its present form, it will “enshrine discrimination in law.”

Thousands Say “oui” to LGB Rights Tens of thousands of people took to the streets of Paris and throughout France to show their support for marriage and adoption rights for lesbians and gays.

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A proposed bill from France’s socialist government—due to pass in mid-2013— would legalize gay marriage and adoption, but not assisted procreation. Deutsche Welle reports that supporters of the bill waved rainbow flags and held up signs saying “liberty, equality, dignity” and “hate is not a family value.” They also chanted “Oui, oui, oui (yes, yes, yes) same-sex marriage, adoption rights for homosexual couples and access to assisted procreation methods such as artificial insemination.”

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Last month, roughly 100,000 people gathered in protest against the bill and another is scheduled in Paris on January 13th, just a few weeks before the proposed bill is to be introduced in parliament on January 29th.

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Ralph Colamussi Welcomes the GLBT Community

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Dr. Barry Morgan, Archbishop of Wales, told The Scotsman that the ban was “total shock,” stating that the church should be allowed to “opt-in” or “opt-out” of the law, much like other religious institutions.

The Archbishop also said that the church will attempt to persuade the UK government to remove the ban from the language of the equal marriage legislation.

If that does not work, two gay fathers plan to sue the government.

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By Rachel Roth

SCOTUS to decide on Prop 8 and DOMA The Supreme Court will—at long last— weigh in on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and California’s Proposition 8 sometime next year.

as favorable tax treatment. Last year, the Obama administration abandoned its defense of the law, but continues to enforce it.

First, the court will decide whether California’s constitutional amendment, which forbids same-sex marriage, is constitutional. Then, Vicki C. Jackson of Cambridge will argue that it is improper for the Supreme Court to consider making a ruling on a federal law that treats gay married couples differently than heterosexual married couples.

In related news, support for federal legislation that would repeal DOMA is at an all-time high in Congress.

The bill—known as the Respect for Marriage Act—had 109 sponsors when it was first introduced early last year, but the number of sponsors has grown to 159. A total of 218 votes are needed for a majority vote to pass the law, and support for it will likely continue to grow with the incoming 113th Congress.

University of Iowa Adds Questions about Orientation on its Admissions Forms

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The letter then cited a number of instances when Najib or members of his government ignored the declaration, instead endorsing “discriminatory and rights-violating policy” that “vilifies members of the LGBT community in Malaysia.”

Among those are a speech Najib gave in June, in which he described the LGBT community as “deviant.”

HRW also condemned Malaysian insistence that protection against discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity be kept out of the ASEAN declaration of human rights, the Ministry of Education’s participation in a seminar that issued guidelines for parents to spot if their children are gay, and a March 2012 announcement that the government will attempt to “convert gays.”

“Like many couples, we look forward to being married in our local church, the same church, where our children were baptized,” he said. “Now we are to be banned in law because we are gay, even if the vicar wanted to marry us.”

US Clothing Company Supports Same-sex Marriage in France

Uruguay on Pace to Pass Marriage Equality

The shirts were originally created in 2008 in an effort to combat Prop 8, California’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage.

Lawmakers in Uruguay voted to legalize gay marriage, approving a single law governing marriage for both heterosexuals and homosexuals.

The proposal will then go to the Senate, where the ruling coalition has enough votes for passage.

President Jose Mujica plans to sign it into law early next year.

American Apparel plans to give away 10,000 “Legalize Gay” t-shirts in its stores, and on the streets of Paris, in support of France’s marriage equality bill.

According to reports, Jackson was asked by the Court to argue if “the Executive Branch’s agreement with the Court (that DOMA is unconstitutional) deprives this court of jurisdiction to decide this case.” She will also argue that House Republicans cannot substitute themselves for the Justice Department and therefore, they lack “standing.”

Naked Protesters Storm House Speaker’s Office

In a precursor to World AIDS Day on Dec. 1, seven naked people stormed the office of Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) on November 27th to protest cuts to AIDS funding.

In a press release, American Apparel Founder and CEO, Dov Charney said, “Both the French and American people have a shared tradition of the pursuit of justice and we are proud to use our company’s resources and give our support to this important fight.”

The protest was organized by AIDS activist organizations such as Health Global Access Group (HGAP), Queerocracy, Act Up NY and Act Up Philadelphia. For roughly 20 minutes, they chanted sayings like; “Boehner, Boehner, don’t be a dick, budget cuts will make us sick.” And: “Fight AIDS. Act up. Fight back.” And: “End AIDS with the Robin Hood tax, no more budget cuts on our back.” And: “Budget cuts are really rude, that’s why we have to be so lewd.”

Talking Points Memo reported that protesters eventually put on their clothes and left the Speaker’s office after police threatened to arrest the protesters for indecent exposure. Three female protesters stuck around in the hallway to speak to reporters and were arrested anyway.

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Elmhurst College in Illinois, a private liberal arts institution, became the first U.S. college to ask new students about their sexual orientation last year. University of Iowa, which enrolls more than 30,000 students, is the first public university to do the same.

Answering the questions will be optional, but Georgina Dodge, University of Iowa’s Chief Diversity Officer and Associate Vice President, said in a statement that the questionnaires will “give the university the knowledge it needs to better offer on-campus resources to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students.”

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It will also help the university track retention rates, offer support services, and gauge interest in campus programs.

LDS Church to LGB Mormons; “Stay with Us”

Four federal district courts and two appeals courts have already struck down the provision of DOMA, which defines marriage as between a man and a woman, for the purpose of deciding who can receive a range of federal health and pension benefits, as well

In addition to allowing gay marriage, all couples, gay or straight, will now be able to decide whose surname goes first when they name their children. This breaks with a centuries-old tradition across Latin America, where in nearly every country, laws require people to give their children two last names, and the father’s comes first.

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Edie Windsor (center) pictured at her home where she hosts The Long Island GLBT Network’s annual East End Memorial Day Kickoff Party. Edie is the plaintiff in Windsor v. United States, scheduled to be heard by the Supreme Court later this year.

The cost of House Republicans’ defense of DOMA could reach $2 million or more.

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“Too often these types of big, important issues are dealt with in sound bites, and often by individuals who do not have the complete picture of what the church is doing.”

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) is imploring lesbian and gay Mormons to remain in the church.

A newly-launched website is aimed at providing “greater sensitivity and better understanding” among Latter-day Saints with regards to same-sex attraction.

In a video announcing the site, Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the LDS Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “when people have those (samesex) desires and attractions our attitude is, ‘stay with us.’”

“I think that’s what God is saying: stay with me. And I think that’s what we want to say in the church: Stay with us, and let’s work together in friendship and commonality,” he continued.

According to LDS spokesman Michael Purdy, the site is part of an effort by the church “to teach and clarify the church’s positions” on various issues.

“Too often these types of big, important issues are dealt with in sound bites, and often by individuals who do not have the complete picture of what the church is doing,” Purdy said. “We hope [the website] will be a resource for better understanding and better communication.

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show your pride

The Long Island Gay Parents Teacher Student Association (PTSA), which is the nation’s only PTSA focused on the needs of GLBT students and families, has been meeting throughout the Fall to layout its plans for the 2012-2013 school year. The membership of the PTA, which includes GLBT and allied parents, students, educators and community members, will focus its work this year on engaging other parents and PTAs in becoming advocates for safer schools.

The Long Island Gay PTSA was officially chartered by the Nassau County and New York State PTA last Spring. The effort to form the PTSA was led by Long Island Gay and Lesbian

Youth (LIGALY), who saw the need to engage more parents, educators and community members in the movement to end anti-GLBT bullying in Long Island schools.

Long Island Gay PTSA members will work in the coming months to develop tools and resources for PTAs and individual parents to become better advocates for GLBT students and families. They also plan to visit other PTA meetings in Nassau and Suffolk counties to talk about the work of the Long Island Gay PTSA. Members will present a parent advocacy workshop at The Long Island GLBT Conference on Tuesday, March 12th, 2013 at Stony Brook University.

get involved

Membership in the Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association is open to everyone, with annual dues of $15 for adults and $10 for students and seniors. Join the next meetings of the PTSA.

“You are putting your history out to the curb, day after day after day.”

Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association

Thursday, February 7, 6:30pm Committee Meetings, 7pm General Meeting The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City The nation’s only chartered Gay PTA, open to all who want to create safer schools. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Suffolk County

Wednesdays, 5-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Lucky enough to have found shelter after the storm, Trapani is currently living with his landlord, who happens to be a family friend. Without this added worry, Trapani admitted that this allows him to concentrate on speaking with the right contractors, once his damaged possessions have been set aside. In addition, Trapani has two sisters who lived in Island Park, also hit hard from Sandy, before the storm had occurred.

He shared that one is now in the hospital, while the other is staying with Trapani and his landlord. Despite these obstacles facing him, including having no power for two weeks and with no way to pump out the very sewage that had caused him to leave his own home in the first place, he has managed to start rebuilding his apartment.

Thursday, January 10th at 6:30 The Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Thursday, February 7th at 6:30pm The Center at Garden City 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City

Learn more about The Long Island Gay PTSA Visit ligaly.org or contact Long Island Gay PTSA Treasurer James Fallarino at 516.323.0011 or jfallarino@liglbtnetwork.org

Inspectors have been in Trapani’s home to survey the damages, disregarding items that were not destroyed in the sewage. Among these are items Trapani has collected for years and even designed himself representing gay pride on Long Island. Thus far according to Trapani he has not received any homophobic or insensitive comments from those working in his home and rummaging through what is left. However, when strangers from other states need to inspect one’s home at his or

20-Something

Friday, January 11, 7:30-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City A social discussion group for GLBT people ages 20-29. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

her’s most delicate moment, he noted that others ought to be aware. “It makes you wonder if you are getting a fair share,” he remarked. In addition to gay pride items, the technology lover shared his grief about his other belongings. “You are putting your history out to the curb, day after day after day,” Trapani said. Among his lost items are long-collected science fiction books and old computers.

Youth Support Group

Thursday, January 24, 5-6pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore For GLBT youth under the age of 21. www. ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Unfortunately, Trapani did not find much relief aid in his own neighborhood of Oceanside, stating that the little aid received were from FEMA or Red Cross trucks. He did, however, encounter many volunteers distributing cleaning supplies to help salvage what remained. Among these were LI Cares and Auntie M’s Helping Hands. Trapani advises that those who hope to support local initiatives ought to seek organizations that have already been wellestablished in helping the community and also those that make sure the monies stay on Long Island.

TRUE – Suffolk County

Friday, January 25, 6-7:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Registration Now Open for 18th Annual Long Island GLBT Conference

Between splitting his time on visiting his sister hospital and vying to get his home back, Trapani admitted that he did not have Thanksgiving or Christmas on his mind.

“There is little holiday spirit right now. Time stopped after October 29th. Other people’s lives have gone on—mine is on hold.”

Connie DiBenedetto and Jaclyn Feldman, domestic partners from Long Beach and members of Services and Advocacy for Gay Elders-Long Island (SAGE-LI), thought they were prepared for Sandy when they planned to hunker down in their attic. The couple admitted that they decided to stay in their private ranch home, like their neighbors, because they took their previous experience dealing with Hurricane Irene, which was not as devastating, to heart. In turn, they had set up the attic with just a few necessities: sleeping bags, a wind-up radio, flashlights, hard-boiled eggs, and tuna fish and setup two crates to house their dogs, Thelma and Louise. They had even left the doors unlocked in case rescue crews needed to reach them. To DiBenedetto and Feldman, these precautionary measures seemed more than enough to survive the storm.

Unfortunately, water started to invade

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SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Suffolk County

Monday, February 4, 1-2pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plan future programs. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

Senior Advocate

Monday, February 4, 11-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Representatives from Suffolk Office for the Aging visits SAGE-LI monthly to provide onsite Benefits and Entitlement Counseling www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

Connie DiBenedetto and Jaclyn Feldman

their home, destroying much of their property, and causing them to evacuate.

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Nassau County

While they thankfully managed to survive the major flooding, their home, however, was ruined. After initially staying with DiBenedetto’s sister in Oceanside, the couple has now settled into a small apartment complex in Mineola. DiBenedetto shared that they had a very difficult time finding an apartment, with most complexes not allowing pets. DiBenedetto and Feldman decided to drive down to Long Beach each day to check on their home and get the mail. Due to the severity of damage making their home inhabitable, the elderly couple will need to stay in Mineola for six months while their home is being repaired.

Tuesday, February 5, 1-2pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plan future programs. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Following the storm, DiBenedetto and Feldman found some support from FEMA,

AlAnon

Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter. org, 631.665.2300

AlAnon

Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter. org, 631.665.2300

Alateen

1st & 3rd Wednesdays of the month, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 12-step group for youth ages 12-18 who are family, friends, or loved ones of alcoholics. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Alcoholics Anonymous

Tuesdays, 8-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Aleph Project Youth Meetings

2nd and 4th Thursdays of the month, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City A safe space for GLBT Jewish youth to meet and share. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Nassau County

Thursdays, 5-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Garden City Mingle

Tuesdays, 11am-1pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden City. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

OUTlet

Fridays, 8pm-midnight The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends age 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Getting Bi

1st and 3rd Mondays, 7:308:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Bi-monthly discussion group for people who identify as bisexual. All ages welcome. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Hampton Bays Mingle

2nd and 4th Thursdays, 3-5pm Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the East End. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

LIGALY Advisory Board

Mondays, 5-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League

Tuesdays, 7:30pm Bowl Long Island, 138 West Road, Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group

Wednesdays, 7:30-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Monday Mingle

Mondays, 11am-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore, 631.665.2300 SAGE-LI’s weekly social in for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

have a glbt event you want to promote in living out?

Continued on page 12

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Parent Support Group

Jellyfish of Centerport, Long Island offers much more than a vast assortment of fresh and local seafood: Its breathtaking view over the water, beautiful interior, energetic and friendly staff, and live music make Jellyfish’s experience even tastier.

1st and 3rd Thursdays of the month, 6-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

crisp slice of cucumber encas

PEP Team – Nassau County

Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

For starters, sharing the Sushi Platter among a large family of 6-10 people ($65 to $75) is a sure win for even the pickiest palettes, as it offers a wide assortment of both cooked and raw fish. While most rookies automatically tend to over-dip their sushi in soy sauce, blanketing the delicate flavors, the chef recommends not using any at all so his customers, especially sushi lovers, can appreciate what each piece of fresh fish offers. A family-style wooden basin called the Dockside Tower ($62) is another enormous all-star, with tasty bites like tuna tar tar topped with gold leaf flakes resting gingerly on top of a bed of tuna and avocado, or ponzu-style oyster soaked in soy sauce and vinegar. Don’t miss the naruto sushi, a thin and

Mondays, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Safe Schools Team – Suffolk County

Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN)

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be scene

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 The Queen s Leaner And Meaner…

And St ll Unapologet c

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24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 points of view

points pointsof ofview view

op-ed

The editors at the Associated Press Stylebook have announced that they are “discouraging” the use of the word “homophobia.” The AP Stylebook is the widely used guide that media uses to standardize terms and general usage.

“It made all the difference to city councils other intervention, but should nonetheless be aptly “It made all the difference to city councils andand other people I spoke ” Weinberg journalist Andy labeled as none other than a “phobia.” For example, people I spoke to,”to, Weinberg toldtold journalist Andy Humm, shared quote Advocate the infamous, and illegitimate, legal argument called Humm, whowho shared thethe quote withwith TheThe Advocate other media.

“It encapsulates the “gay panic defense” andand other media.

“It encapsulates a whole point of view is simply an excuse for a whole point of view andand of of feeling.

It was a hard-won word, murder, in which a feeling.

It was a hard-won word, as you imagine.

It even heterosexual defendant as you cancan imagine.

It even brought some death threats. pleas temporary brought me me some death threats.

Is homophobia always based insanity as self-defense Is homophobia always based on on fear?

I thought so and think fear?

I thought so and stillstill think so...We have no other word so...We have no other word for for what we’re talking about, what we’re talking about, andand thisthis is well established. oneone is well established.

WeWe useuse ‘freelance’ writers don’t ‘freelance’ for for writers whowho don’t throw lances anymore throw lances anymore andand whowho want to get their work. want to get paidpaid for for their work. ... ...

It seems curious word It seems curious thatthat thisthis word is is getting such scrutiny while words getting such scrutiny while words triskaidekaphobia likelike triskaidekaphobia (the(the fearfear of of number hang around. thethe number 13)13) hang around. ” ”

not disordered by gwendolyn Ann Smith

Far away from its 1840-era roots, as a by-product of the United States Census Bureau, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is now one of the predominate tools for members of the American Psychiatric Association. The Board of Trustees of the American Psychiatric Association finally approved the fifth edition, known colloquially as DSM-5, on the first of December. When it is published in May of 2013, it will become the standard to diagnosing and treating all manner of mental issues.

Attorneys At Law

This would mean that being

more than 80 attorneys & 200 staff standinG by to help

transgender is no longer a mental illness itself, but...

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Why should the LGBTQ community be in a kerfuffle about it? The issue is that the AP editors have made their decision without the consultation

To suggest the press eliminate the word can not only diminish the scope of people understanding homophobia’s wide range, but it can also diminish our scope of LGBTQ activists in our continued efforts to effect change. of the nation’s leading LGBTQ organizations, leaders, activists, and newspapers.

With an estimated 3,400 AP employees in bureaus around the globe, the AP editors’ suggestion could have a tsunami-like effect on how the world comes to understand, be informed about or dismiss discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people.

AP’s online Stylebook defines “phobia” as “an irrational, uncontrollable fear, often a form of mental illness” and therefore should be expunged from political and social contexts, including words such as “Islamophobia” and “homophobia.”

Preciseness in language is important, yet language is a representation of culture. How people use it perpetuates ideas and assumptions about race, gender and sexual orientation. People consciously and unconsciously articulate this in everyday conversations about themselves and the rest of the world—and it travels on a generational basis.

In turn, a lot is in the word “homophobia.” The history and culture of discrimination, violence, and hatred toward LGBTQ people also involves an irrational fear of the community. It is this irrational fear that may not need psychiatric or clinical

word “homophobia” derives TheThe word “homophobia” derives from a particular history from a particular history andand struggle rights struggle for for civilcivil rights of of LGBTQ people across world.

LGBTQ people across thethe world.

Additionally, it has become Additionally, it has become partpart of aof a universal LGBTQ lexicon speaks universal LGBTQ lexicon thatthat speaks truth to the community’s reality. word truth to the community’s reality.

TheThe word hashas power, unfortunately, a deleterious effect. power, andand unfortunately, a deleterious effect.

PartPart of the LGBTQ community’s liberation in their of the LGBTQ community’s liberation is inistheir strength to call of homophobia To suggest strength to call actsacts of homophobia out.out.

To suggest press eliminate word diminish thethe press eliminate thethe word cancan notnot onlyonly diminish scope of people understanding homophobia’s Dave Minthorn, AP Deputy standards editor, shared thethe scope of people understanding homophobia’s wide range, it can diminish scope with POLITICO that the word “homophobia... [is] wide range, butbut it can alsoalso diminish thethe scope of of LGBTQ activists have continued efforts just off the mark...it’s ascribing a mental disability LGBTQ activists whowho have continued efforts to to effect change. to someone, and suggests a knowledge that we don’t effect change. have. It seems inaccurate. Instead, we would use control of the word “homophobia, ” yet something more neutral: anti-gay, or some such, AP AP nownow hashas control of the word “homophobia, ” yet is not theirs.

Several mainstream newspapers if we had reason to believe that was the case.” By it isitnot theirs.

Several mainstream newspapers are are pushing back.

Newspapers media under keeping the word “homophobia” narrowly used and pushing back.

Newspapers andand media are are under no no order to follow guidelines.

John E. McIntyre confined within a medical context is controlling. order to follow AP AP guidelines.

John E. McIntyre of of Baltimore wrote in his column “Sorry, Only a homophobic word-police would utter such thethe Baltimore SunSun wrote in his column “Sorry, AP,AP, can’t go along on ‘homophobia’ “ruling absurd advice. Moreover, it is also absurd for AP can’t go along on ‘homophobia’ […][…] thethe AP AP “ruling on this point is reasoned, principled, wrongto think that their discouragement of the use of on this point is reasoned, principled, andand wrongheaded. ” McIntyre points to the 40-year usage of the the word, with absolutely no consultation with headed. ” McIntyre points to the 40-year usage of the word “homophobic” makes a practical point: the LGBTQ community, demonstrates hubris word “homophobic” andand makes a practical point: “If “If editors of the Stylebook wish to discourage and insensitivity. It also raises queries about AP’s thethe editors of the AP AP Stylebook wish to discourage of certain words simply because political and social motives for doing so. thethe useuse of certain words simply because theythey cancan be be misused or misunderstood, there ought to abegreat a great misused or misunderstood, there ought to be many in line ahead of homophobia.

George Weinberg, the psychologist who coined the many in line ahead of homophobia. ” ” word “homophobia” in his 1972 book Society and the Healthy Homosexual, stated: against a purported LGBTQ sexual advance. Another example is the “ick factor.” It is the revulsion some heterosexuals feel toward the way LGBTQ people engage in sexual intimacy. Altering the hearts and minds of these folks will take a while, if not a lifetime.

Tell Tell us us what what you you think: think: Share Share your your opinions opinions and and views views online online at at facebook.com/livingoutli facebook.com/livingoutli oror write write to to letters@livingoutli.org. letters@livingoutli.org.

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Several sections have been revised during the road to the fifth edition, in a process that started in 1999, shortly after DSM-4 received a minor text revision.

The revisions cover a number of mental issues, such as depression, bipolar disorder, pica, Asperger syndrome, and others.

The transgender community has mainly looked at the changes to gender identity disorder. For example, the name changes from GID to gender dysphoria, and splits this into categories for children and adults.

Many within the transgender community hailed the move. At last, it was acknowledged that they were not “disordered.” This would mean that being transgender is no longer a mental illness itself, but much like changes to the way homosexuality was handled in reprinting of DSM-2 in 1974, mental stress is caused by the nature of being transgender.

Adding to the elation over this was the feeling that some members of the workgroup involved in this change—specifically but not limited to Dr. Kenneth Zucker and Dr. J. Michael Bailey—did not hold sway. Zucker is the psychologist in chief at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. He also has a history of support for “reparative therapy” treatments that can be harmful for transgender people, in addition to medical intervention for intersexed individuals. Bailey wrote the controversial book The Man Who Would Be Queen, which claims that transsexuals themselves do not exist. According to Bailey, transsexuals are only people that are so gay they feel the urge to change their sex. The other category mentioned, which is autogynephiles, claims that the desire to feminize one’s self is a sexual fetish. This seems to be his way of explaining transgender women who are not attracted to males. He did not seemingly include any consideration for female to male individuals in his book.

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Amid the cheers over the changes to gender identity disorder, another addition to the text was discovered: the entry for transvestic fetishism was replaced by transvestic disorder. Dr. Ray Blanchard, a protégé of Zucker and Bailey, penned this.

Blanchard’s “transvestic disorder” goes beyond the old category in several ways. First it brings in Bailey’s “autogynephilia” as well as “autoandrophilia” as actual parts of diagnosis, canonizing the idea. It may seek to usurp the gender dysphoria category by claiming that someone, for example, born female who presents as male and is sexually active at any time is disordered.

It is almost the classic bait and switch. While the transgender community watches and waits on gender identity disorder being modernized, they see a far more odious category slip in. Meanwhile, many are concerned that the loss of GID as a category could lead to a harder road in getting treatment. In an absolute worst-case scenario, a medical provider or insurance company could balk at treatment for something that is not viewed as a “disorder,” potentially requiring transgender people to seek treatment under the highly stigmatizing “transvestic disorder.” Never mind that treatment for such would not match what one may require: medical, not mental intervention—and certainly not reparative therapy.

Transgender people—perhaps specifically transsexual, perhaps not—need to fall under the realm of medical care, not mental care. The problem is not between their ears, but elsewhere. They are neither pretending to be a gender opposite of that which a doctor assigned at birth, and nor are they mentally ill for having a female or male brain in a mismatched body.

A few weeks back, I saw such incredible progress on

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the care and treatment of transgender people at the annual conference of the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. I spoke with medical professionals overflowing seminars on transgender care. They understand what transgender people are going through and could provide more than adequate care.

The transgender community needs to be able to live their lives with proper care, free of being dependent on people like Blanchard, Zucker, and Bailey imposing psychosexual diagnoses that have nothing to do with their own reality. They should not have to jump through the sort of hoops Blanchard, Zucker, and Bailey may set up to get a medical issue treated: It is just not right.

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LIAAC, the Long Island Association for AIDS Care, Inc. is a non-profit agency delivering comprehensive services to all Long Islanders infected and affected by HIV/AIDS and other infectious diseases.

Requirements: Bachelor’s degree required. (Masters preferred). At least one year of social services background required. Knowledge of HIV/HEP/ TB/STD related information and substance abuse issues plus 1 year experience working with active drug users helpful. Excellent public speaking skills and awareness of community resources and services. Must be familiar with Microsoft Word and working on the Internet.

To change gender identity disorder to gender dysphoria is a step in the right direction, all in all— but I am unwilling to have to take two steps back thanks to the appalling inclusion of “transvestic disorder.” This is simply unacceptable.

FREE TO BE is a group that provides a safe, friendly environment for people to explore their sexuality, socialize, make new friends, and have the support of their community.

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About the Author

Gwen Smith is neither disordered nor dysphoric: She is a woman. You can find her on the web at www.gwensmith.com

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As a transgender woman, that is how this feels.

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Imagine that in 1974, after Frank Kameny “declared war” on the APA over the pathology of homosexuality, the DSM-2 delisted homosexuality—but also included “inversion fetishism” and tried to pen gay men and lesbians into even more restrictive, erroneous categories?

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Before you can even glance at their varied dinner menu, enjoy Jellyfish’s very own distilled water called “Zeen,” either still or sparkling, which is purified and bottled on site. Then enjoy a loaf of the house bread for the table, crispy and filled with savory greyer, mozzarella, and parmesan cheeses, topped with scallions.

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Beginning in 2013, incoming students at the University of Iowa will be asked about their sexual orientation and gender identity so that they can be connected to relevant services once enrolled.

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Louis Trapani Louis Trapani decided to take preventative measures for Hurricane Sandy after a storm in 2005 flooded his Oceanside basement apartment. In fact, he paid for home improvements to prevent water damage in the future, some of which included door jams and relocating the rain gutter spouts away from the home’s base. Trapani thought he was incredibly prepared for the alarming amounts of floodwater that could potentially gush through his home. However, the unlikely occurred: Sewage backed up from his bathroom toilet and shower. With more than a foot of sewage water in his apartment, Trapani had no choice but to vacate.

Human Rights Watch (HRW) is demanding that Malaysian Prime Minister, Najib Abdul Razak, stop discriminating against LGBT citizens.

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HRW Tells Malaysia to Stop “Vilifying LGBT People”

Religious protections in UK’s marriage equality bill have been met with harsh criticism from LGBT rights organizations and Church leaders alike.

Lesbian and gay couples have been able to legally marry in Mexico City since 2010, and the Mexican Supreme Court has ruled other states must recognize same-sex marriages legally performed in the capital.

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In the news International News

By Rachel Roth

Mexico’s High Court Strikes Down State Ban on Same-sex Marriages

Church of England “Shocked” Over Gay Marriage Ban

HRW Tells Malaysia to Stop “Vilifying LGBT People”

The Mexican Supreme Court unanimously struck down a law in the southern state of Oaxaca that defined marriage as between a man and a woman.

While this ruling only applies to Oaxaca, advocates believe that it will “open the doors to same-sex marriages across the country.”

Religious protections in UK’s marriage equality bill have been met with harsh criticism from LGBT rights organizations and Church leaders alike.

Human Rights Watch (HRW) is demanding that Malaysian Prime Minister, Najib Abdul Razak, stop discriminating against LGBT citizens.

A “quadruple lock,” crafted by Culture Secretary Maria Miller, creates “watertight” protections for religious organizations that do not want to conduct same-sex marriages, but will allow them to “opt in” if they chose to do so. However, Miller has also banned the Church of England and Church in Wales from performing same-sex marriages.

In an open letter to the Prime Minster, HRW argued that as members of the UN, Malaysia signed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and is bound by its principles of non-discrimination and equality.

Lesbian and gay couples have been able to legally marry in Mexico City since 2010, and the Mexican Supreme Court has ruled other states must recognize same-sex marriages legally performed in the capital.

Same-sex couples have also married in Quintana Roo, which includes the resort city of Cancún on the Yucután Peninsula, and the state of Coahuila offers property and inheritance rights and other limited legal protections to same-sex couples.

Dr. Barry Morgan, Archbishop of Wales, told The Scotsman that the ban was “total shock,” stating that the church should be allowed to “opt-in” or “opt-out” of the law, much like other religious institutions.

The Archbishop also said that the church will attempt to persuade the UK government to remove the ban from the language of the equal marriage legislation.

If that does not work, two gay fathers plan to sue the government.

Tony and Barrie Drewitt-Barlow, who are also one of the first gay couples in the UK to have children through a surrogate mother, argue that the ban will result in discrimination against them.

Barrie Drewitt-Barlow told Pink News that if the bill passes in its present form, it will “enshrine discrimination in law.”

Thousands Say “oui” to LGB Rights Tens of thousands of people took to the streets of Paris and throughout France to show their support for marriage and adoption rights for lesbians and gays.

A proposed bill from France’s socialist government—due to pass in mid-2013— would legalize gay marriage and adoption, but not assisted procreation. Deutsche Welle reports that supporters of the bill waved rainbow flags and held up signs saying “liberty, equality, dignity” and “hate is not a family value.” They also chanted “Oui, oui, oui (yes, yes, yes) same-sex marriage, adoption rights for homosexual couples and access to assisted procreation methods such as artificial insemination.”

Last month, roughly 100,000 people gathered in protest against the bill and another is scheduled in Paris on January 13th, just a few weeks before the proposed bill is to be introduced in parliament on January 29th.

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The letter then cited a number of instances when Najib or members of his government ignored the declaration, instead endorsing “discriminatory and rights-violating policy” that “vilifies members of the LGBT community in Malaysia.”

Among those are a speech Najib gave in June, in which he described the LGBT community as “deviant.”

HRW also condemned Malaysian insistence that protection against discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity be kept out of the ASEAN declaration of human rights, the Ministry of Education’s participation in a seminar that issued guidelines for parents to spot if their children are gay, and a March 2012 announcement that the government will attempt to “convert gays.”

“Like many couples, we look forward to being married in our local church, the same church, where our children were baptized,” he said. “Now we are to be banned in law because we are gay, even if the vicar wanted to marry us.”

US Clothing Company Supports Same-sex Marriage in France

Uruguay on Pace to Pass Marriage Equality

The shirts were originally created in 2008 in an effort to combat Prop 8, California’s voter-approved ban on same-sex marriage.

Lawmakers in Uruguay voted to legalize gay marriage, approving a single law governing marriage for both heterosexuals and homosexuals.

The proposal will then go to the Senate, where the ruling coalition has enough votes for passage.

President Jose Mujica plans to sign it into law early next year.

American Apparel plans to give away 10,000 “Legalize Gay” t-shirts in its stores, and on the streets of Paris, in support of France’s marriage equality bill.

In a press release, American Apparel Founder and CEO, Dov Charney said, “Both the French and American people have a shared tradition of the pursuit of justice and we are proud to use our company’s resources and give our support to this important fight.”

In addition to allowing gay marriage, all couples, gay or straight, will now be able to decide whose surname goes first when they name their children. This breaks with a centuries-old tradition across Latin America, where in nearly every country, laws require people to give their children two last names, and the father’s comes first.

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In the news National News

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SCOTUS to decide on Prop 8 and DOMA The Supreme Court will—at long last— weigh in on the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and California’s Proposition 8 sometime next year.

as favorable tax treatment. Last year, the Obama administration abandoned its defense of the law, but continues to enforce it.

First, the court will decide whether California’s constitutional amendment, which forbids same-sex marriage, is constitutional. Then, Vicki C. Jackson of Cambridge will argue that it is improper for the Supreme Court to consider making a ruling on a federal law that treats gay married couples differently than heterosexual married couples.

In related news, support for federal legislation that would repeal DOMA is at an all-time high in Congress.

The bill—known as the Respect for Marriage Act—had 109 sponsors when it was first introduced early last year, but the number of sponsors has grown to 159. A total of 218 votes are needed for a majority vote to pass the law, and support for it will likely continue to grow with the incoming 113th Congress.

According to reports, Jackson was asked by the Court to argue if “the Executive Branch’s agreement with the Court (that DOMA is unconstitutional) deprives this court of jurisdiction to decide this case.” She will also argue that House Republicans cannot substitute themselves for the Justice Department and therefore, they lack “standing.”

Edie Windsor (center) pictured at her home where she hosts The Long Island GLBT Network’s annual East End Memorial Day Kickoff Party. Edie is the plaintiff in Windsor v. United States, scheduled to be heard by the Supreme Court later this year.

The cost of House Republicans’ defense of DOMA could reach $2 million or more.

Four federal district courts and two appeals courts have already struck down the provision of DOMA, which defines marriage as between a man and a woman, for the purpose of deciding who can receive a range of federal health and pension benefits, as well

Naked Protesters Storm House Speaker’s Office

In a precursor to World AIDS Day on Dec. 1, seven naked people stormed the office of Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) on November 27th to protest cuts to AIDS funding.

The protest was organized by AIDS activist organizations such as Health Global Access Group (HGAP), Queerocracy, Act Up NY and Act Up Philadelphia. For roughly 20 minutes, they chanted sayings like; “Boehner, Boehner, don’t be a dick, budget cuts will make us sick.” And: “Fight AIDS. Act up. Fight back.” And: “End AIDS with the Robin Hood tax, no more budget cuts on our back.” And: “Budget cuts are really rude, that’s why we have to be so lewd.”

Talking Points Memo reported that protesters eventually put on their clothes and left the Speaker’s office after police threatened to arrest the protesters for indecent exposure. Three female protesters stuck around in the hallway to speak to reporters and were arrested anyway.

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University of Iowa Adds Questions about Orientation on its Admissions Forms Beginning in 2013, incoming students at the University of Iowa will be asked about their sexual orientation and gender identity so that they can be connected to relevant services once enrolled.

Elmhurst College in Illinois, a private liberal arts institution, became the first U.S. college to ask new students about their sexual orientation last year. University of Iowa, which enrolls more than 30,000 students, is the first public university to do the same.

Answering the questions will be optional, but Georgina Dodge, University of Iowa’s Chief Diversity Officer and Associate Vice President, said in a statement that the questionnaires will “give the university the knowledge it needs to better offer on-campus resources to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students.”

It will also help the university track retention rates, offer support services, and gauge interest in campus programs.

LDS Church to LGB Mormons; “Stay with Us” “Too often these types of big, important issues are dealt with in sound bites, and often by individuals who do not have the complete picture of what the church is doing.”

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) is imploring lesbian and gay Mormons to remain in the church.

A newly-launched website is aimed at providing “greater sensitivity and better understanding” among Latter-day Saints with regards to same-sex attraction.

In a video announcing the site, Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the LDS Church’s Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “when people have those (samesex) desires and attractions our attitude is, ‘stay with us.’”

“I think that’s what God is saying: stay with me. And I think that’s what we want to say in the church: Stay with us, and let’s work together in friendship and commonality,” he continued.

According to LDS spokesman Michael Purdy, the site is part of an effort by the church “to teach and clarify the church’s positions” on various issues.

“Too often these types of big, important issues are dealt with in sound bites, and often by individuals who do not have the complete picture of what the church is doing,” Purdy said. “We hope [the website] will be a resource for better understanding and better communication.

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In the news National News Continued

Illinois Marriage Bill Vote Likely This Month On the heels of marriage equality victories in Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, and Washington State, the Illinois legislature is on the verge of legalizing gay marriage.

According to Crain’s Chicago Business, the chief sponsors of the bill decided to push for a vote in the General Assembly’s lame-duck session, which would have occurred over two weeks just after New Year’s. Moving up the vote was a direct response to the results of the November 6th election and the nation’s “changing climate” on marriage equality. However, as of January 4th, due to the absence of important supporters, Senate democrats delayed voting on the bill despite the fact that it managed to pass the Senate Executive Committee in

Illinois. Unfortunately, lawmakers are unlikely to return before January 9th, which is when new lawmakers will be sworn in. In turn, Senate President John Cullerton states that it might be weeks before the bill gets a full Senate vote.

Civil unions have been legal for several years, but Senator Heather Steans (D-Chicago)—the chief Senate sponsor of the bill—said all Illinoisans now need more than “second-class status” when it comes to marriage. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel has reportedly started calling lawmakers to urge a “yes” vote and Governor Pat Quinn is pushing for a vote “sooner rather than later.”

Illinoisans now need more than “secondclass status” when it comes to marriage.

Coming Soon: Gender-Neutral Easy-Bake Oven Hasbro, one of the largest toymakers in the world, announced that it will soon reveal a gender-neutral Easy-Bake Oven.

This decision was the result of the efforts of McKenna Pope (age 13) of Garfield, N.J. Pope was dismayed when she could only find the popular toy in pink and purple models, and she wanted to buy an Easy-Bake Oven for her 4-year-old brother, Gavyn Boscio, who was not a fan of those colors.

McKenna then started a petition on Change.org, and it got more than 40,000 signatures, in addition to support of celebrity chefs including Bobby Flay, who also called for Hasbro to include boys in the

CA Judge Temporarily Overturns Ban on Conversion Therapy A California federal judge blocked a statewide ban on therapy that seeks to change the sexual orientation of minors from gay to straight.

Ill. School District Dissolves Transgender Policy Committee Plans to create protections for transgender and gender nonconforming students in Illinois’ East Aurora School District have been called off.

the old oven, pink with flower designs, was advertised as a girl’s toy. hasbro plans to unveil a black, silver, and blue one soon.

ads for a gender-neutral Easy-Bake Oven.

Hasbro invited the Pope family to its Pawtucket, R.I. headquarters to meet with its Easy-Bake team.

During the meeting, Hasbro executives showed off a prototype of their newest Easy-Bake: one that is black, silver and blue. They also promised that boys would be featured in advertisements for the redesigned toy, which will be on shelves at a toy store near you this summer.

U.S. District Judge William Shubb ruled that the new law, SB 1172, which was signed

by Gov. Jerry Brown earlier this year, may inhibit the 1st Amendment rights of therapists who oppose homosexuality.

While the injunction on the law is only temporary,

The Chicago Phoenix reported that the school board unanimously voted Monday to disband the Ad Hoc committee charged with the creation of the policy, citing its failure to yield progress. The vote came after hearing over 30 members of the local community decry the creation of such a policy as “dangerous” for district students.

Local religious organizations, and the Illinois Family Institute, vehemently opposed any form of protections for transgender students and mounted an intense opposition movement in October when the school board approved a groundbreaking and comprehensive policy that would have created protections for transgender and gender nonconforming students. Due to the deluge of criticism from those groups, the board rescinded that policy just four days later.

Shubb wrote in his 38-page ruling that the new law, “likely… bans a mental health provider from expressing his or her viewpoints about homosexuality as part of…treatment.”

He also found fault with the evidence cited by proponents of the law: that conversion therapy puts patients at risk of suicide. He wrote in his ruling that it is “based on questionable and scientifically incomplete studies that may not have included minors.”

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Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association Lays Out Plan for School Year The Long Island Gay Parents Teacher Student Association (PTSA), which is the nation’s only PTSA focused on the needs of GLBT students and families, has been meeting throughout the Fall to layout its plans for the 2012-2013 school year. The membership of the PTSA, which includes GLBT and allied parents, students, educators and community members, will focus its work this year on engaging other parents and PTAs in becoming advocates for safer schools.

The Long Island Gay PTSA was officially chartered by the Nassau County and New York State PTA last Spring. The effort to form the PTSA was led by Long Island Gay and Lesbian

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Youth (LIGALY), who saw the need to engage more parents, educators and community members in the movement to end anti-GLBT bullying in Long Island schools.

Long Island Gay PTSA members will work in the coming months to develop tools and resources for PTAs and individual parents to become better advocates for GLBT students and families. They also plan to visit other PTA meetings in Nassau and Suffolk counties to talk about the work of the Long Island Gay PTSA. Members will present a parent advocacy workshop at The Long Island GLBT Conference on Tuesday, March 12th, 2013 at Stony Brook University.

get involved Membership in the Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association is open to everyone, with annual dues of $15 for adults and $10 for students and seniors. Join the next meetings of the PTSA. Thursday, January 10th at 6:30 The Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Thursday, February 7th at 6:30pm The Center at Garden City 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Learn more about The Long Island Gay PTSA Visit ligaly.org or contact Long Island Gay PTSA Treasurer James Fallarino at 516.323.0011 or jfallarino@liglbtnetwork.org

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Out on LI personal accounts of hurricane sandy

FEMA, The Insurance Industry, and Sandy’s Impact On Long Island’s Gay Community In late October 2012, Hurricane Sandy swept through both the Caribbean and the East Coast, causing billions of dollars worth of damage.

It may be a few months later now, but Sandy is still making its impact felt. In late October 2012, Hurricane Sandy swept up the East Coast making landfall in New Jersey and saved its biggest punch for Long Island. Our Long Island community wound up on the Northeast quadrant, considered the most powerful, and Sandy proved that to be true.

Somewhat lost in the national coverage of the storm was what may turn out to be the hardest area hit in terms of damage: Long Island. As of late December, FEMA has approved $1.13 billion in assistance.

However, for many homeowners, the true battle is between FEMA and home insurance companies, who seem to be pinning relief efforts on one another, leaving homeowners confused and frustrated. Some of these homeowners are members of Long Island’s GLBT community, who continue to struggle for both aid and stability.

Even now, two months after this devastating storm, residents of our community are still trying to collect what is left and grasp for some normalcy in their lives.

With many thanks to those who were willing to share their accounts, readers can experience just a glimpse of what many GLBT households across Long Island are still struggling with, and slowly managing to overcome.

christopher boire, meryl lumba, and david kilmnick contributed to this story

Robert Suchan (a.k.a Aunt Barbara) Robert (Bobby) Suchan, better known as Long Island’s very own Tupperware-party consultant “Aunt Barbara,” has lived on the waterfront in Freeport since his childhood and is accustomed to frequent flooding in the community. But no one could imagine the magnitude of what Sandy would bring to this quaint waterfront community. “We rely on a little bit of history. We know our geography, what streets to take in a crisis,” he admitted. Suchan took several measured steps in preparing for Hurricane Sandy. He parked his car near Sunrise Highway, and even found the time to shuttle others to the LIRR station to park their car. Still, he went to his father’s ranch home nearby, the same one Suchan grew up in, to help his father secure his old home and the two boats on the property.

Suchan recounted that their night was busy, spending most of their time on securing the boats and wading through water to turn off power in their homes. However, as many homeowners discovered from Sandy,

from left to right: a white fence shows the height of rising water from the storm; a neighbor warns looters as power outages continue; a battered deck manages to stay standing. his sisters at their home nearby, who had been forced up into their attic from the surging tides. Speaking about his worries about his siblings that night, Suchan said “you are not there with them and have no way of knowing exactly what they are going through or if they are ok. It was frightening.”

to find the owner of that photo as he and many others who lost precious momentos in the storm know how special these life memories are and sometimes are the only things that they can hold onto to remember the past as they build a new future.

Like in many of the severely destroyed neighborhoods, looters were a cause for concern. What really upset Suchan was the amount of looters picking through what people had placed in the street.

Despite there being little value in what was ruined and contaminated, looters continued to rummage through people’s belongings while he was in the process of throwing out his own possessions. “At least wait until the end of the day,” he stated.

“I sat in the foyer, looking at the water rolling against the glass door. You could hear it filling the walls, gurgling.” there is only so much that could be done.

“I sat in the foyer, looking at the water rolling against the glass door. You could hear it filling the walls, gurgling.” Suchan coined this particular experience as “silent damage.”

One of his biggest anxieties during the storm was trying to communicate with

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The day after the devastating storm, Suchan walked back to his home located a half-mile away, and saw the damage in neighborhoods he had passed through as a paperboy. At one point, he found photos floating in standing water on the sidewalk and decided to pick one up. Looking at it closely he read a label on the photo that was entitled simply ‘Mom.’ He is still hoping

After surviving for a week in a home that had no electricity or heat and where everything was destroyed, Suchan agreed to find shelter with some friends in West

Hempstead. He admitted that a hot shower definitely helped make that difficult decision to leave his own home.

Bobby is now renting a home in Massapequa and trying to recollect his stunted business.

Getting his business started again is a high priority, especially since the warehouse that holds his inventory was flooded as well.

Thankfully, he has heard from a number of fans and well-wishers from his Facebook page, offering support. His work schedule, which faced cancellations leading up to the storm, is now filling up again. ‘Aunt Barbara’s’ social status has also helped spread word about Hurricane Sandy, most notably through posting pictures and telling others where to send support. Suchan humbly urges that donations go to groups that directly benefit Long Islanders.

Suchan admitted that the return to a normal pace is incredibly welcomed. He shared that he will be “in better shape to help others” once he and his cat, Helen, are in a stable living situation.

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Louis Trapani Louis Trapani decided to take preventative measures for Hurricane Sandy after a storm in 2005 flooded his Oceanside basement apartment. In fact, he paid for home improvements to prevent water damage in the future, some of which included door jams and relocating the rain gutter spouts away from the home’s base. Trapani thought he was incredibly prepared for the alarming amounts of floodwater that could potentially gush through his home. However, the unlikely occurred: Sewage backed up from his bathroom toilet and shower. With more than a foot of sewage water in his apartment, Trapani had no choice but to vacate.

“You are putting your history out to the curb, day after day after day.”

Lucky enough to have found shelter after the storm, Trapani is currently living with his landlord, who happens to be a family friend. Without this added worry, Trapani admitted that this allows him to concentrate on speaking with the right contractors, once his damaged possessions have been set aside. In addition, Trapani has two sisters who lived in Island Park, also hit hard from Sandy, before the storm had occurred.

He shared that one is now in the hospital, while the other is staying with Trapani and his landlord. Despite these obstacles facing him, including having no power for two weeks and with no way to pump out the very sewage that had caused him to leave his own home in the first place, he has managed to start rebuilding his apartment.

Inspectors have been in Trapani’s home to survey the damages, disregarding items that were not destroyed in the sewage. Among these are items Trapani has collected for years and even designed himself representing gay pride on Long Island. Thus far according to Trapani he has not received any homophobic or insensitive comments from those working in his home and rummaging through what is left. However, when strangers from other states need to inspect one’s home at his or her’s most delicate moment, he noted that

others ought to be aware. “It makes you wonder if you are getting a fair share,” he remarked. In addition to gay pride items, the technology lover shared his grief about his other belongings. “You are putting your history out to the curb, day after day after day,” Trapani said. Among his lost items are long-collected science fiction books and old computers.

Unfortunately, Trapani did not find much relief aid in his own neighborhood of Oceanside, stating that the little aid received were from FEMA or Red Cross trucks. He did, however, encounter many volunteers distributing cleaning supplies to help salvage what remained. Among these were LI Cares and Auntie M’s Helping Hands. Trapani advises that those who hope to support local initiatives ought to seek organizations that have already been wellestablished in helping the community and also those that make sure the monies stay on Long Island.

Between splitting his time on visiting his sister hospital and vying to get his home back, Trapani admitted that he did not have Thanksgiving or Christmas on his mind.

“There is little holiday spirit right now. Time stopped after October 29th. Other people’s lives have gone on—mine is on hold.”

Connie DiBenedetto and Jaclyn Feldman Connie DiBenedetto and Jaclyn Feldman, domestic partners from Long Beach and members of Services and Advocacy for Gay Elders-Long Island (SAGE-LI), thought they were prepared for Sandy when they planned to hunker down in their attic. The couple admitted that they decided to stay in their private ranch home, like their neighbors, because they took their previous experience dealing with Hurricane Irene, which was not as devastating, to heart. In turn, they had set up the attic with just a few necessities: sleeping bags, a wind-up radio, flashlights, hard-boiled eggs, and tuna fish and setup two crates to house their dogs, Thelma and Louise. They had even left the doors unlocked in case rescue crews needed to reach them. To DiBenedetto and Feldman, these precautionary measures seemed more than enough to survive the storm.

Unfortunately, water started to invade

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their home, destroying much of their property, and causing them to evacuate.

While they thankfully managed to survive the major flooding, their home, however, was ruined. After initially staying with DiBenedetto’s sister in Oceanside, the couple has now settled into a small apartment complex in Mineola. DiBenedetto shared that they had a very difficult time finding an apartment, with most complexes not allowing pets. DiBenedetto and Feldman decided to drive down to Long Beach each day to check on their home and get the mail. Due to the severity of damage making their home inhabitable, the elderly couple will need to stay in Mineola for six months while their home is being repaired.

Following the storm, DiBenedetto and Feldman found some support from FEMA, Continued on page 12

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who had set up a disaster recovery center at the recreation center near their Long Beach home. Vans distributing food, including water and hot meals, were also prevalent in the neighborhood. Feldman admitted that the impact of Sandy had finally become realized when she was receiving food and aid from others.

“We are used to being on the side that was giving. I just could not stop crying,” Feldman shared.

Andrew Schleider

Even when the long recovery process has been completed, the neighborhood will be forever changed. Neighbors and businesses are continuing to leave Long Beach. DiBenedetto and Feldman, both retired, were particularly worried about the senior center that was ruined.

According to the couple, the center was the main source of social activity in their community, which hosts a variety of programs from yoga to art, to just catching up with friends. With damaged homes, disappearing Long Beach staples, and a lack of community, DiBenedetto and Feldman are deeply saddened. “It is a loss of culture,” Feldman remarked.

DiBenedetto and Feldman are heading into their 33rd year together this coming February. In spite of their heavy circumstances, the couple has surprisingly managed to stay optimistic. “If we can get through this, we can get through anything,” Feldman stated.

Andrew Schleider, a staff member at The Long Island GLBT Services Network, had just closed on his Bay Colony home in Baldwin Harbor in late September, and was excited to fulfill a lifelong dream of living on the water. Expecting some flooding from Hurricane Sandy, Schleider, like many other homeowners in the South Shore community, decided to stay at home to keep the generator running to pump out water. However, this preventative measure only worked temporarily. Water pushed its way through the cracks in the mortar of the basement walls, blowing out the windows, causing an innumerable amount of damage to his newly purchased home.

Schleider recounted the horrifying visions he witnessed while still in his home at the time of the storm. From his location on the second floor of his home looking out on the bay, he could see homes on fire in Freeport. In addition, his own hot tub perched on top of a new deck overlooking the water was lifted up by the force of the surging waters and crashed through his first floor window. “It was like a scene in Titanic. Actually I thought I was going to die at one point,” Schleider admitted. Once he realized that financial loss was no longer under his control, only then did Schleider feel calmer throughout the night of the storm.

While most people are getting ready to

settle into their new homes after they close, Schleider is now starting all over again—this time with a different to-do list. Currently, all efforts are going into repairing his home, despite struggling with the cost of the damage and lack of aid from his insurance company. In fact, he is still waiting to hear about his flood insurance, even though his claim was placed the day after the storm. Schleider admitted to being a perfectionist, and is constantly returning to the house to check repairs. “There is so much to deal with from people coming in and out throughout the day. Everyday it seems like some major decision has to be made,” he remarked.

While balancing a full-time job and managing the stifling costs toward rebuilding his newly purchased home, Schleider is working closely with repair crews and wants to make sure nothing is missed.

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“It is not easy to articulate what happened if it did not happen to them.”

To Schleider’s relief, FEMA and Red Cross visited his neighborhood regularly, and the crews that studied the area were friendly. He shared that one of the strangest experiences throughout this particular obstacle in his life was talking to other Long Islanders who were less affected by the storm. Since some neighborhoods were more severely impacted than others, he gets asked about his own

experience. “It is not easy to articulate what happened if it did not happen to them,” Schleider remarked. Living without heat in the winter is not something many can deal with and Andrew counts himself amongst those who feel this way. Schleider lost all heat on the night of October 29th and although the heat has finally been restored in Schleider’s home in mid December, he still does not stay there. “Until everything is ready and finished, I will not move back in. I do not want to be reminded of Sandy.

We want a fresh start to live in the home we have always dreamed of living in.”

For more information on Hurricane Sandy and government assistance, including directories for those who want to volunteer and for those who seek aid and disaster recovery center locations, visit www.fema.gov/sandy.

Registration Now Open for 18th Annual Long Island GLBT Conference Event to attract hundreds at Stony Brook University

register now

$10 for students by 2/1 $50 for adults by 2/1 register now or learn more about The Annual LI GLBT Conference visit liglbtnetwork.org/conference or contact Matthew Cotty at 516.323.0011 or mcotty@ligaly.org.

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highlights from past long island glbt conferences

Advancing Equality: We’ve come far, but we’re not done yet.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

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Long Island’s 18th annual conference about GLBT issues that brings together more than 400 students, educators, health and human service professionals and community members is set to take place Tuesday March 12, 2013 at Stony Brook University. The day-long event, coordinated by Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY), The Long Island GLBT Community Center (The Center) and Services and Advocacy for GLBT Elders-Long Island (SAGE-LI), will offer conference participants a wide range of choices, including more than 18 diverse workshop sessions on the needs of the GLBT community including health needs, senior issues, HIV/AIDS, community and youth organizing, social justice, and more.

The theme of the 2013 Conference is “Advancing Equality: We’ve come far, but we’re not done yet,” with a focus on promoting an understanding of the history and underpinnings of the GLBT civil rights movement. In addition, the conference will be looking to the future to identify next steps, additional community needs, and how full equality can be achieved for the GLBT community.

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Registration is now available for the conference and includes some steep discounts for those that sign up early. Early-bird discount registration of $10 for students or $50 for adults is available through February 1st. Registration fees include breakfast, lunch, and all conference materials.

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show your pride

calendar of events TRUE – Nassau County

Friday, January 11, 6-7:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

20-Something

Friday, January 11, 7:30-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City A social discussion group for GLBT people ages 20-29. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Youth Support Group

Thursday, January 24, 5-6pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore For GLBT youth under the age of 21. www. ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

TRUE – Suffolk County

Friday, January 25, 6-7:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Suffolk County

Monday, February 4, 1-2pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plan future programs. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

Senior Advocate

Monday, February 4, 11-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Representatives from Suffolk Office for the Aging visits SAGE-LI monthly to provide onsite Benefits and Entitlement Counseling www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Nassau County

Tuesday, February 5, 1-2pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plan future programs. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association

Thursday, February 7, 6:30pm Committee Meetings, 7pm General Meeting The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City The nation’s only chartered Gay PTA, open to all who want to create safer schools. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

AlAnon

Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter. org, 631.665.2300

AlAnon

Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter. org, 631.665.2300

Alateen

1st & 3rd Wednesdays of the month, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 12-step group for youth ages 12-18 who are family, friends, or loved ones of alcoholics. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Alcoholics Anonymous

Tuesdays, 8-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Aleph Project Youth Meetings

2nd and 4th Thursdays of the month, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City A safe space for GLBT Jewish youth to meet and share. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Nassau County

Thursdays, 5-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Suffolk County

Wednesdays, 5-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Garden City Mingle

Fridays, 8pm-midnight The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends age 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Tuesdays, 11am-1pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden City. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Parent Support Group

Getting Bi

PEP Team – Suffolk County

1st and 3rd Mondays, 7:308:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Bi-monthly discussion group for people who identify as bisexual. All ages welcome. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Hampton Bays Mingle

2nd and 4th Thursdays, 3-5pm Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the East End. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

LIGALY Advisory Board

Mondays, 5-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League

Tuesdays, 7:30pm Bowl Long Island, 138 West Road, Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group

Wednesdays, 7:30-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Monday Mingle

Mondays, 11am-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore, 631.665.2300 SAGE-LI’s weekly social in for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

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OUTlet

1st and 3rd Thursdays of the month, 6-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Nassau County

Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team – Nassau County

Mondays, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Safe Schools Team – Suffolk County

Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN)

Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste. 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Let us know what your organization is doing.

Email editor@livingoutli.org.

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Out and About

dining review

by meryl lumba

jellyfish: long island’s hottest waterfront restaurant Jellyfish of Centerport, Long Island offers much more than a vast assortment of fresh and local seafood: Its breathtaking view over the water, beautiful interior, energetic and friendly staff, and live music make Jellyfish’s experience even tastier.

Upon entering the restaurant, you will immediately notice careful attention paid to every detail. Intricate glass lamps shaped like jellyfish, coral-patterned fabrics, and even live jellyfish in a stunning blue tank in the lobby come together into a beautifully designed interior. Chefs prepare food at a live sushi station for patrons seated feet away at cozy, candle-lit tables— perfect for a couple enjoying a romantic evening on the town. Families only have to walk around the corner to spacious booths and bay windows overlooking Mill Pond.

Before you can even glance at their varied dinner menu, enjoy Jellyfish’s very own distilled water called “Zeen,” either still or sparkling, which is purified and bottled on site. Then enjoy a loaf of the house bread for the table, crispy and filled with savory gruyere, mozzarella, and parmesan cheeses, topped with scallions.

For starters, sharing the Sushi Platter among a large family of 6-10 people ($65 to $75) is a sure win for even the pickiest palettes, as it offers a wide assortment of both cooked and raw fish. While most rookies automatically tend to over-dip their sushi in soy sauce, blanketing the delicate flavors, the chef recommends not using any at all so his customers, especially sushi lovers, can appreciate what each piece of fresh fish offers. A family-style wooden basin called the Dockside Tower ($62) is another enormous all-star, with tasty bites like tuna tartar topped with gold leaf flakes resting gingerly on top of a bed of tuna and avocado, or ponzu-style oyster soaked in soy sauce and vinegar. Don’t miss the naruto sushi, a thin and

crisp slice of cucumber encasing creamy avocado and succulent crab meat.

mango salad. The color of the golden brown fish is something in and of itself to behold.

While Jellyfish offers some incredible sushi options, their other appetizers are equally stellar. The Syrah Braised Octopus ($15) served on a light and foamy white bean puree, so delicious you may consider licking the plate, is delicately seasoned with espellette pepper, olive oil, and parsley until completely tender and perfectly cooked. The Crispy Local Calamari ($15) had serrano chiles, garlic, ginger, scallions, and Asian pears for a unique interpretation, pairing the crisp pear with the heavy and savory coating on the calamari.

Perhaps the best bite of the evening came in the Maine Diver Sea Scallops ($28), which included a celery root puree, carmelized onions, brussel sprouts, chestnuts, bacon, and apple jus. The scallop, seared on both ends, offered a surprisingly tender and moist center, and the celery root puree was sweet and light, leaving guests scraping their spoons for every morsel. The bacon did not overpower the dish and instead mixed nicely with the fresh brussel sprouts.

Jellyfish shows it can also do non-sea food dishes justice with its Lamb Shoulder Ravioli ($16), featuring a braised moist filling of tender lamb and topped with a dollop of ricotta cheese, marcona almonds, olive oil, and cubes of butternut squash. The almonds create a nutty flavor to leave you with a hearty feeling, with perfect balance in flavor and texture from the sweet squash. If the fresh-made ricotta cheese was just what you needed, order it as a dish on its own: The Sheep’s Milk Ricotta ($12) is served in a bowl with extra virgin olive oil, herbs, and fig mostarda, accompanied with grilled bread and a serving of cranberry compote.

The crispy grilled crust to the bread mixed with the tartness of the cranberry and the spread of ricotta adds a much more flavorful twist to the classic cream cheese and jelly bagel.

The chef ’s attention to plating truly shines with the delicious Cantonese-Style Lobster and Pork Belly ($34). A perfectly cooked lobster tail rests on a salty bed of soy sauce and vegetables, surrounded by pork belly that was surprisingly crisp and not too fatty, allowing the flavor of the meat to shine. The Spicy Fish Taco ($18) gives Mexican eateries a run for their money, as the batter-fried Pacific cod is crispy and light, served with cabbage slaw, chipotle, aioli, and

For dessert, Jellyfish succeeds once again: Splurge for the shareable Chocolate Tower ($14), a giant chocolate fondue tray filled with homemade pound cake, brownies, caramelized bananas, fresh strawberries, marshmallows, and pretzels. Let the server drizzle the warm milk chocolate or go for it yourself! Enjoy caramel ice cream on the side and try a cappuccino ($4), artfully prepared with intricate coffee designs and served with a rock candy stirrer. Together, these combinations help end a night of savory food for those with or without a sweet-tooth!

Ultimately, Jellyfish certainly proved it understands brilliant design: in décor, in aura, and most importantly, in flavor. This is an evening well worth the cost as the hospitality and delicious seafood will welcome you on your first visit, and ensure it won’t be your last.

441 East Main St. 25(A) Centerport, NY 11721 631.262.0300 www.jellyfishrestaurantli.com Pricing: $$ Reservations Accepted Valet Parking, Wheelchair Accessible

Living Out Recommends...

Dockside tower, $62 This mix of cooked and raw sushi pieces, topped with gold foil, is meant to be shared—though you may not want to.

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Lamb shoulder ravioli, $16 The sheep’s milk ricotta cheese paired with braised lamb and sweet butternut squash is as beautiful as it is delicious.

Maine diver sea scallops, $28 The seared scallop shines in this dish, but even without it, the celery root puree is tasty enough to eat on its own.

Sheep’s milk ricotta, $16 Crispy grilled bread and cranberry compote pair with fresh ricotta cheese for a sweet and simple dish; perfect for a light snack!

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iMusic

By Gregg Shapiro

Out and About

solo & side sets To say that the past few years have been amazing for Glen Hansard’s music career is an understatement. Hansard, who had been hard at work in his band The Frames throughout the 1990s and early part of the 21st century, starred in the 2007 indie hit Once, a film featuring his music on the soundtrack and for which he received an Oscar for the song “Falling Slowly.”

Blaqk Audio, for example. An EDM duo comprised of Davey Havok and Jade Puget of scream-o act AFI, Blaqk Audio moves listeners in an entirely different direction on Bright Black Heaven (Big Death). Hot opener “Cold War” is an irresistible dance cut that wouldn’t be out of place on a Pet Shop Boys album, especially with lyrics such as “He’s prettier than you!/How dare you!?/ What’s worse is that I saw him first.” There is also a queer sensibility on other danceoriented tracks such as “Fade To White,” “Everybody’s Friends,” “Let’s Be Honest” and “Bon Voyeurs.”

In 2012, Once made its debut on Broadway as a stage musical. The recipient of eight Tony Awards, including Best Musical, the show included seven songs originally heard in the movie among its 16 songs, which can be heard on the Grammy-nominated Divine Fits, a trio consisting of members original cast recording Once: A Musical from other bands—Britt Daniel of Spoon, (Masterworks Broadway). As if to complete Dan Boeckner of Wolf Parade and the circuit, Hansard released his first Handsome Furs, and Sam Brown of New official solo album Rhythm and Repose Bomb Turks—successfully merges the (Anti). Many songs on the disc feel like elements of its components on the disc A an extension of the cinematic heartbreak Thing Called Divine Fits (Merge). While of Once, which is not surprising because beats dominate on songs such as “My Love the songs were created in the afterglow Is Real,” “Flaggin A Ride,” “The Salton of his breakup with Sea” and “For Your Once co-star Marketa Heart,” Divine Fits are Irglova. To Hansard’s unafraid to express their credit he knows how acoustic side on “Civilian to make this kind of Stripes.” romantic tragedy as Laetitia Sadier, the pleasing to the ear as voice of Stereolab, possible on “Maybe returns with her second Not Tonight,” “Bird solo recording Silencio of Sorrow” and “The (Drag City). Singing Storm, It’s Coming” in French and English, (can’t you just feel his Sadier peppers her lyrics pain?). The rhythmic with political thought, “Talking With The Check out Laetitia Sadier’s particularly in the backWolves” and “Love “Lightning Thunderbolt” to-back messages of Don’t Leave Me for a mellow groove with “Auscultation to The rich percussion and a Waiting” alter the Nation” (the least “silent” catchy melody. mood a bit, and that’s track on the disc in a necessary thing. which she rails against Susanna Hoffs hasn’t been sitting idle the G20!) and “There Is a Price to Pay For since the Bangles called it quits (the first Freedom (And It Isn’t Security).” There is time) in 1988. Like Hansard, Hoffs tried also a `60s Euro-jazz/pop feel to much of her hand at acting (the forgettable The the disc, especially on “Find Me The Pulse Allnighter), but soon realized she was of the Universe,” “Fragment Pour Le Future a better singer/songwriter than actress.

De L’Homme,” “Moi Sans Zach” and Following a couple of solo records in the “Between Heaven and Earth,” which lends 1990s, she teamed up with Matthew Sweet the whole recording a timeless mood. for volumes one and two of the Under The Pre-dating insurgent country by several Covers series on which they reinterpreted years, the cowpunk scene of the 1980s songs from the `60s and ‘70s, respectively.

(Rubber Rodeo, Lone Justice, Jason & The Bangles also regrouped for a pair the Scorchers) briefly blended country’s of discs in the 21st century, with 2011’s twang and punk’s twitch into an appealing Sweetheart of the Sun being the most musical trend. Alejandro Escovedo recent. Back on solo turf, Hoffs makes a formed Rank and File, another seminal strong comeback with Someday (Baroque band from the period. Escovedo, a vet Folk), produced by Mitchell Froom. The of a few influential bands (The Nuns, album starts off strong “November Sun” True Believers), has achieved his most farbut really hits its stride at the midpoint with reaching success as a solo artist and that the gorgeous “Holding My Breath” and continues with Big Station (Fantasy). The maintains that energy on standouts such scorching modern country blues of “Man as “All I Need,” the jangly “Raining” and of the World” kicks things off and then the “True.” disc moves in a variety of daring directions.

It’s always nice to see what musicians The title track, featuring Kristeen Young do when it comes to side projects. Take on backing vocals, is one of the most

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Glen Hasnard’s “Falling Slowly” from the film once earned him the academy award for best original song in 2007.

accessible pop tunes here, followed by the thumping political funk of “Sally Was a Cop,” the gentle brass of “Can’t Make Me Run,” the playful rhythm of “Common Mistake” (on which Escovedo conjures both Bob Mould and Randy Newman) and the retro mood of “Never Stood a Chance” and “Sabor A Mi.”

unwieldy as Michigan. So a Jack White solo disc such as Blunderbuss (Third Man/ Columbia) feels a little redundant. Still there’s enough here—“Sixteen Saltines,” “Missing Pieces,” “Love Interruption,” “I Guess I Should Go To Sleep” and “Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy”—to cautiously recommend it.

Multiple Grammy-nominee Jack White always seemed liked a solo artist, whether he was playing in The White Stripes, The Raconteurs or The Dead Weather. He’s got a personality as big, overbearing and

Don’t forget about solo discs by The Jam and The Style Council’s Paul Weller—Sonic Kicks (Yep Roc)—and The Verve’s Richard Ashcroft—United Nations of Sound (Razor & Tie)—in your solo set exploration.

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Out and about film

an interview with David France, director of How to Survive a Plague by gregg shapiro

Writer and filmmaker David France’s film debut, How To Survive A Plague, is turning out to be one of the most acclaimed documentaries of 2012. France, previously best known for his book Our Fathers, which discusses the sex abuse scandal that plagued the Catholic Church, then turns his attention to another insidious plague: AIDS. Combining a stunning and groundbreaking array of footage, with interview subjects including Larry Kramer, Dr. Mathilde Krim, Gregg Bordowitz, Jim Eigo and many others, France creates a dazzling cinematic quilt of survival.

Among the most fascinating period footage to be found in How To Survive a Plague is the segment shot at an underground drug trial. What was involved in the compilation of vintage footage such as that?

Well, you are the first person to pick up on that piece of footage. I was thrilled to find it. There was so much going on and the community was trying anything in these really illegal drug trials. It was the first time ever that a community of patients was resorting to such a thing.

I don’t know if you remember Laetrile, which is a drug they were trying to take when they had cancer. Coming out of Mexico it was like the pits of peaches or I don’t remember what it was from.

But that was just people desperately taking medication. This was an effort to actually do the drug trials. There were review boards for it. Informed consent was brought to bear in it. So it was really interesting. That somebody had a tape of it—I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe my luck when I found that.

It’s truly breathtaking footage.

The title of the documentary

indicates that the film takes a very different approach to the AIDS crisis, than say We Were Here, for example. What was involved in deciding to take the “how to” approach?

The bigger goal of mine was to tell a story, to tell the other side of the story of what those plague years were like. I think that many accounts have been put together, both fictional and non-fictional, about how tragic that time was. Anybody who had gone through it knew also that it was a time of incredible urgency on the part of the community. There was a huge growth in power and knowledge and creativity. It’s a revolutionary impetus that changed the country. It changed healthcare in America. It changed the role of gay people in America. It left this totally transformed country behind.

I wanted to tell that part of the story.

I understand why people hadn’t done it before, because there was so much suffering and we needed to honor that.

I didn’t want to undermine that, but I wanted to be able to say, “Look: A lot of good came from AIDS along with that awful tragedy.”

The survival aspect of the title really hits home in the scene where someone says “in the absence of adequate health care” the community became its own “clinicians, researchers, drug smugglers, pharmacists,”— librarians, even go so far as to write a treatment agenda. Before making the film, how aware were you of this level of community activity?

I was very aware of the underground stuff. The underground drug distributions I had covered. I had friends who relied on those distributions for medication. At one point when my lover died, I did what many people did: I carried what was left of his experimental drugs over to the People With AIDS Health Group, so they could distribute them to people who were still alive. There was this “active underground” that the authorities were just allowing to exist. Because they existed, people had some hope and had some belief that something was being done. Ultimately as Derek Link says in the film, ultimately those drugs didn’t do any good. It was like the Laetrile of the time.

It was all trial and error unfortunately.

Right. And that’s when they started doing actual drug trials. The

Compound Q trials, which is what you saw in that basement, was drawn up by academics and the idea was “We’re going to see if this works,” instead of just giving it out over the counter. Let’s see if it works. Of course, it didn’t.

Now as you said, too, about not just the drug trials, but also the activism that arose from it. People outside of the community also learned many valuable lessons from the response and from ACT UP. Absolutely! Every aspect of health activism today, and any other disease, is based in part of the ACT UP model.

As someone not from the community notes in the documentary, the members elevated themselves by selfeducation, by standing up and fighting back. Do you think ACT UP, TAG and other groups within the LGBT community ever got, or will ever get, the recognition they deserve for the changes they helped to effect?

Not yet. When you think about it, this film is the first acknowledgement of that. People who have watched the film have left it saying, “They deserve a

The plague years “changed healthcare in America. It changed the role of gay people in America. It left this totally transformed country behind. I wanted to tell that part of the story.”

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Out and About Nobel Prize.” Their contributions were that fundamental that they really should be considered at that level.

How To Survive A Plague was released around the same time that Jim Hubbard’s documentary, United In Anger, made the film festival circuit. Have you seen it, and what do you think it says about the released timing of both films?

I have seen it. It was made by Jim Hubbard, who is one of my producers.

So we worked closely in tandem on the films. United In Anger was his effort to paint a portrait of an organization.

The subject of his is ACT UP, while mine is about that group of people who were instrumental in bringing about the drugs. And Jim was also my friend during the years covered in these films.

He and I were roommates. We’re old friends.

So what do you think it says that both of these films are coming around now?

I think that there’s something to be said

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for the imposition of time after a crisis like that. To think about it, a lot of the really powerful and lasting literature about the Holocaust started appearing about fifteen years later. There was some really powerful and engrossing work that was produced at the height of the Holocaust or discovered, as with Anne Frank. But really, the thinking, the processing, it took some time to look back and make sense of witnesses’ accounts of that period and to try and understand not just what happened, but what it meant. That’s the mission that I set myself on when I started working on How To Survive A Plague.

The late Bob Rafsky is a central figure, not only in the fight against AIDS, but also in the documentary. Why did you choose to focus so much time on him?

Each of the characters that I focus on or follow, had one thing in common, they were AIDS treatment activists. But I selected individuals based on what role that

they played in the organization. Bob was really like the prophet. He had the ability to contextualize the pandemic in a way that made others understand it.

Something else that stood out for me was the use of the late Arthur Russell’s music, which might be because I recently saw gay filmmaker Ira Sachs’ new movie Keep The Lights On, which also utilizes Russell’s music.

That we didn’t coordinate.

I first learned of his work. We made a plan to go, with his estate, into his recordings from late in his life, when he was very prolific and see what he was doing, to see the world that he was seeing. Surprisingly, it was a very bright world. I thought it would be darker as he was dying—and he knew that he was dying—that he would have despair, and you’d see that in his music. But he didn’t—it’s full of beauty and life and power. He was recording these things in his apartment, and we based the score on those ideas and themes that he was working on at the end of his life.

Can you say something about Russell’s music?

What is next for you, David?

Russell died of AIDS in the early Nineties. His music is really influential to a new generation of musicians, and it was through that resurgence that

I am working on a book currently, also about this period in New York. After that, I want to see if I could find another documentary to work on.

“I wanted to be able to say, ‘Look: A lot of good came from AIDS along with that awful tragedy.’”

Visit surviveaplague.com to find showtimes and theatres near you or to learn more about this awardwinning documentary.

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Out and about

be scene

Show your pride for a chance to BE SCENE in future issues of Living Out!

photos by barbara salva

Community members gathered on Sunday, November 18th for the Transgender Day of Remembrance at the Wantagh Memorial Congregational Church to remember trans people whose lives were lost to hate and violence this past year.

scene out: Take 90’s 2013 Celebrates the 20th Anniversary of Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY). Living Out will feature pictures each month from LIGALY’s rich history.

Submit your own pictures and tell us who you are, when you came to LIGALY or when LIGALY came to you and what you’re doing now. Submit these along with a current photo to editor@livingoutli.org.

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Out and About

On Saturday, December 1st at the historical Thatched Cottage in Centerport, hundreds came to a swank dinner-dance event raising money for the Long Island GLBT Services Network. In commemoration of World AIDS Day, proceeds from Winter Ball support the network’s HIV/AIDS outreach, testing, education, and prevention.

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Out front

Lisa Lampanelli discusses her past, present, and future.

The Queen Is Leaner And Meaner…

And Still Unapologetic!

F L c i u o s a p R

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I b h r o t

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Out front In an exclusive interview with Living Out, The Queen of Mean dishes it out, addressing her critics and discussing her reasons behind being a staunch ally for the gay community.

Fifty-one-year-old Connecticut native Lisa Lampanelli did not always foresee a career in comedy. Though she has spent almost half her life in comedy and is known internationally for her unique and offensive brand of humor, the equal opportunity offender was a former journalist who studied at Boston College, Syracuse University, and Harvard, having teamed with prestigious publications such as Spy, Popular Mechanics, and Rolling Stone.

Throughout her career, she enjoyed the opportunity journalism presented in interviewing every major band or celebrity she wanted to meet, but there was always a gnawing to do comedy. But most practically, the dramatic shift in careers was one of simple math for Lampanelli, who said the need to earn a higher income inspired her to use her passion and skills in storytelling in an entirely different way.

In the early 1990s while at Rolling Stone, Lampanelli confided in a friend that she was thinking of getting into stand-up comedy. Her friend replied, “Oh my god, stand-up comedy is the worst! Everyone who does it is totally self-centered.”

Lampanelli replied, “Sounds like the job for me.”

She soon caught the attention of critics and audiences with her vulgar humor, sharp remarks, and quick wit, especially with jokes about race and homosexuality. Despite the controversy of her content and delivery, the clear sarcasm and irony of her jokes was not lost on most audiences and her popularity quickly rose.

In the 25 years that Lampanelli has been doing stand-up, she has only had a handful of negative incidents related to her jokes. In reflecting on her time, she remarks, “I think that part of is that I’m clearly so

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not racist and so not sexist or homophobic, so I think people are smart enough to figure that out.”

By keeping an open mind and drawing inspiration from those around her, she has successfully channeled her humor toward each demographic, despising and loving everyone equally. The selfappointed Queen of Mean insults everyone, because as she reminds her audiences, if you can not make fun of everyone, you should not make fun of anyone.

That motto has guided her humor: Lampanelli is critical of comics who target one group of people to make fun of them instead of seeing the good and the flaws of every demographic: gay, straight, black, white, overweight, skinny. In many ways, Lisa has ironically made a name for herself as one of the most inclusive comics in the game.

By the time viewers leave one of her shows, they have been able to laugh a few times at their own shortcomings without feeling singled out, and in many ways, the playing field for comedy has been leveled through sarcasm and a good laugh.

Lampanelli’s comedy, however, does not start and end with stand-up. Lampanelli is internationally renowned for her Comedy Central Roasts. “To have a good Roast, you need somebody who has a lot of stuff wrong with them,” she remarked. Some of her best material over the years takes aim at celebrities like Flava Flav, David Hasselhoff, and Donald Trump, each of whom has enough baggage to arm comics like Lisa for a night of biting insults.

Despite comedy always changing, Lampanelli has found that hers has stood the test of time; to her, there are just a few things people will always find funny. “Me,” she offers as an example, “because I’m hilarious and maybe the most talented, gifted comedian who’s ever lived, but we already know that.” But comedy at someone’s expense, she continues, such as someone falling down a flight of stairs, is a gentle way of making fun of people without total meanness.

While Lampanelli’s jokes rarely include staircases, by pushing the envelope, her edgy material keeps listeners and viewers on their toes. Admittedly stating that she did not care or want to pursue careers in television and film, Lampanelli discussed future career-oriented goals and even humored the thought of retirement. Two years ago, the insult comic revealed that she even thought she had nothing left that she wanted to pursue.

Lampanelli then considered another outlet: a onewoman show on Broadway.

“Maybe I could do a show that has a little more to do with my life and struggle for self-esteem,” she stated, sharing her thought-process.

She began co-writing her piece with the same Long Island native that wrote Billy Crystal’s show, 700 Sundays. Lampanelli anticipates that audiences will find her new work to be equally funny and relatable as her past material, and hopes to take her onewoman show to a national level, so it does not stay limited to Broadway audiences.

If I started apologizing for every joke, I’d be apologizing for 25 years – including every weekend twice.

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Out front Lampanelli then switched gears again and revealed her desire to have an animated show, based on her persona on stage. She was recently in an animated show for CMT, and guest-starred on an episode of The Simpsons.

In time, she hopes to eventually have a weekly, hour-long show on the radio to give advice to audience members. With her goals in mind, it seems that the Queen of Mean’s streak is far from over.

One of Lampenelli’s first direct starts in giving advice to audience members began with her autobiography Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat, and Freaks, published in 2009. Despite gaining much accolades from fellow comics and talk show hosts, she found the writing process quite long and tedious.

“I hated every second of it. Writing a book is so horrible […] because it’s so hard and painful to write stuff about your past—even if you’re making fun of it—that it is a process I would never want to do again,” Lampanelli admitted.

Yet she continues to channel her journalism background through writing despite its challenges.

The Queen of Mean shares her advice and opinions in the “women’s” monthly column of Playboy. Meshing her new career with her old one, Lampanelli creates another outlet and opportunity for her comedy.

“Don’t go after what you want—go after what you think society wants you to be. For instance, have a good role model. Like a Carmen Electra or a Paris Hilton. Focus on the things that count— like your looks—because everything else fades.

Accomplishments, money? They mean nothing.

And certainly don’t go for the respect [and admiration] of others—that’s just not ever gonna happen,” she jokingly suggested.

There’s somebody you can turn to and don’t give up… ‘cause if you kill yourself, then there’ll be too many straight people in the world, and nobody wants that.

In addition to her autobiography, monthly column, and nearby approaching one-woman show, Lampanelli also shared her experience and motivational words on the Dr. Oz Show in October of this year. For national audiences, she showed off her recent 97-pound weight loss.

“I didn’t want to be a fat c--t anymore because that’s just not fun! Me and my husband, in all seriousness, have been struggling with our weight for 32 years,” Lampanelli shared on the special.

The now leaner Queen of Mean admitted that her primary motivation for shedding the pounds was to live longer because she feels she has much to accomplish and wanted to “buy clothes at a normal store instead of paying extra for fat-bitch clothes.”

Interestingly, despite her advice to women

struggling with self-esteem, Lampanelli is ambivalent in considering herself to be a modernday feminist. “All I know is feminists usually have underarm hair. But, I will say I shave regularly— although I do let the bush grow because you know what? I’m 51-years-old. We didn’t shave it in the old days, and I let it grow now! So, I guess if not having hairy armpits means I’m not a feminist, then I’m not a feminist,” she concluded.

Her casual attitude regarding sex and promiscuity, as well as her moments of sincerity mixed with humor in giving women around the world advice on, some might argue otherwise. After all, if feminism is defined as advocating women’s rights so that they are equal to men, Lisa certainly does so in being her signature “equal opportunity offender,” even if the delivery is certainly not politically correct at face value.

If the glbt community hosted a pay-per-view fight, who would win: you or Kathy Griffin?

“She is in better shape, muscularly, than me. That girl has a great body! So while I may have a bunch of pounds on her, I do think she has more upper body strength, so she might pin me—but then again, I might like it, and then maybe we’d make out—and then you lesbians would have something to think about for the next year.”

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Out front Similarly, many could take that argument further in seeing Lampanelli as a major and outspoken ally to the LGBTQ community, as she gained much notoriety in 2011 for her $50,000 donation to the Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC) under the Westboro Baptist Church’s (WBC) name.

The Westboro Baptist Chuch, which shares no affiliation with any Baptist denomination, is widely described as a radical hate group and gains infamy for its extreme ideologies, particularly their anti-gay messages. The group frequently conducts anti-gay protests outside of high-profile celebrity or military funerals—most recently, picketing the funerals of victims of the Newtown school shooting.

In 2011, Lampanelli knew she had much to say to the WBC about their backwards and hateful mission, and so she decided to take action through a different way: by raising critical funds to help the LGBTQ community in their name.

When asked today if there was anything she had to add, Lampanelli had one last biting remark: “I would say suck my d--k. Leave the gays alone.”

“Two gay guys get married. What’s the worst that can happen? They have a beautifully manicured front yard, they’ve got a lovely, organized tool shed with vibrators in descending size order, they adopt their little Asian child… Fifteen years later there’s a nice dry-cleaners that pops up—a nail salon! Then you’ve got yourself a massage parlor when she’s of legal age,” Lampanelli joked.

Lampanelli also raised $130,000 for GMHC when she was a recent contestant on Donald Trump’s reality show, Celebrity Apprentice.

Having donated money to them before, Lampanelli noted that she carefully chose the charity. She said that she had visited GMHC prior to the competition and truly felt that they

helped community members who have no place to turn to in times of need.

In reflecting on her time on the reality competition, Lampanelli stated that she would not apologize for being “overly emotional” on Celebrity Apprentice, and even remarked that it was her teammates’ problem for being closed off from their own emotions. She also said that she would never apologize for her controversial remarks on the show.

“If I started apologizing for every joke, I’d be apologizing for 25 years—including every weekend twice, plus all the stuff I’m saying to you, you dirty lesbo!”

Lampanelli continued, “I clearly made a joke […] NBC tried to get me to apologize, and I told them to suck my hairy clam. I was like, ‘absolutely not.’”

The Queen of Mean holds some lasting wisdom for the LGBTQ community.

Although she admitted that she did not have a lot of friends in school, Lampanelli stated that it is difficult to give advice to those who are incredibly bullied because she cannot imagine what they go through when constantly harassed.

Lampanelli urged, “Find one person in the world. There’s gotta be one person in the world who gets it and has their phone on 24/7. There’s somebody you can turn to and don’t give up… ‘cause if you kill yourself, then there’ll be too many straight people in the world, and nobody wants that.”

The NYCB Theatre at Westbury is hosting a great line-up of hysterical performers for the new year, including Lisa Lampanelli on January 18th at 8pm.

Be one of the first to check out her Leaner, Meaner Tour with material never heard before on her new marriage, her weight-loss, and The Apprentice.

New jokes with the same bad attitude—“but meaner because I can’t eat!”

LISA ON FAMOUS LONG ISLANDERS ALEC BALDWIN I like him just ‘cause he’s mentally ill like me—he yells at people and stuff.

I love anyone who fights on a plane.

Because my big thing is that I haven’t worked up the nerve to fight on planes because of, you know, September 11th and all that—but I do fight in a lot of hotels, so I totally identify with him. I love anger, I love tempers. If he wasn’t bangin’ young chicks, it would be me and him.

Lindsay Lohan Poor Lindsay. Take away her car keys. I mean, she was just 12 when she was working in that morgue, you know, alongside her father’s career. I feel, actually, really sorry for her.

Bill O’Reilly You know, I don’t like him because I think he is not very good to our gays.

He likes conservative things. But, in all truthfulness, it’s hard to comment on him because I don’t really watch the news because it has nothing to do with me.

Billy Joel First of all, I’m never going to give my car keys to him and say, “please drive,” but he’s such a gentlemen. He’s fantastic.

Rosie O’Donnell I love her. Here’s the problem with Rosie. I used to make funny Rosie O’Donnell jokes—like once, when I talk about my husband’s balls, I said, ‘I haven’t seen anything that big and hairy since I stood next to Rosie O’Donnell…’ But then she tweeted that I’m really funny—now I feel guilty making any jokes about her, so I have to shut up!

Jerry Seinfeld get your tickets at thetheatreatwestbury.com

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He’s just a big rich Jew, so what’s to say about him?

LIVING OUT

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living healthy wellness

by laurie segal, lcsw

Best New Year’s Resolution: Wake Up and Smell the Roses...

Together All families often ask themselves why mornings are sometimes so difficult, and wonder what they can do to better handle them. However, families do not just primarily consist of parents and children. Families are a community: teammates, classmates, roommates, and organizations. They are one’s support despite difficult situations. People universally associate this time of year with changes in habits, diets, or behaviors. This New Year, try something a little different (and perhaps it will be just as difficult as the typical New Year’s resolutions): growing closer to loved ones, despite stress. And this time, stick to it!

5 steps to have less stress and more family downtime

ask

laurie

Dear Laurie, My teen-aged son whom I have long suspected is gay has been especially withdrawn lately.

Though it seems that he has found a connection and camaraderie with classmates, he spends most of his time alone at home. He is going through mood swings and often speaks to the family in short, angry responses. I think he may have an online outlet to share his thoughts and feelings about his sexuality, but I am not so sure how he identifies. I would like to approach him, but find myself being confused about the entire situation. I am also not so sure how I feel about him possibly being gay, but want to be involved in his life. What should I do? —Confused Mom Dear Confused Mom, Sorry you are struggling! If you think you are confused, imagine how hard this is for your son! Growing up is difficult as it is. Teenage years are full of conflict and contradiction, hence the anger and the mood swings.

Unfortunately, the family usually takes the brunt of the frustration. If your son has found a group of friends, or even one friend, that is usually a good sign. Also, many teens stay online into the wee hours of the night. This may seem like an unusual way to socialize but it is the way these days!

Here are my thoughts as to what you can try:

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Encourage loved ones to be more organized.

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Get on a sleep schedule.

Prepare clothing, backpacks, lunches, and briefcases the night before (even if this was tried before, try it again!).

Mornings can be chaotic for many reasons, especially since there are a lot of things that need to be accomplished in the morning. All members of a family dawdle in their own ways. In addition, psychologically, there is a lot going on as well. Mornings are double- transition times. The family is waking up, saying hello and trying to reconnect from the night before. In a short span of time, some members are already saying goodbye for the day. By simply urging members of the family to be more organized, dawdling can be cut down and replaced with reconnecting.

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About 50-70 million American adults have sleep or wakefulness disorder. In turn, this insufficient sleep hygiene puts 47 million adults at risk for injury, health, and behavioral problems. If one is having difficulty sleeping, try to not eat large meals before bedtime, partake in more physical activity, and avoid caffeinated drinks at night. By choosing to sleep at a consistent time each night, one can be more refreshed to take on the day—and perhaps alter one’s own mood as well.

Wake up 15 minutes earlier.

A lot can be accomplished! Spend the first five minutes doing something for one’s self: Take a longer shower, linger in bed, read the paper, or have a second cup of coffee. Dedicate the next five minutes to engage with each family member. Remind them of how important they are. Spend the last five minutes on a proper goodbye, an extra kiss, a hug, or a walk to the bus or car. Take the time to appreciate one another because every minute counts.

Take advantage of the quality time together.

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Stay connected. Trust and communication begin with a basic relationship. Find something, anything, you both share an interest in. Talking about simple, everyday things will not feel threatening and will keep you talking.

Listen instead of questioning.

Questions tend to cause teens to withdraw. If your son shares something with you, take note and use that as a conversation starter another time.

Be involved. Worry about the things he is worried about. Usually kids will share the things that concern them in an outburst.

Instead of getting angry, empathize.

Let him know you are always there for him to question or discuss anything with you. Talk about the things you struggled with at his age. Even if they are worlds apart, it will convey you we were once a vulnerable teen.

Become familiar with resources available to you regarding the GLBT community. There are plenty. That way, if it turns out your son is gay, you will feel better prepared to deal with whatever lies ahead.

Family members often have one foot out of the door from the moment they wake up. Everyone is concerned about their own day’s agenda. For this reason, they are only half-engaged in the present, as they are already worried about how they are going to survive their day. Each family member is struggling with his or her own sense of responsibility and society. In turn, the level of stress in the house is high and everyone is affected. Slow down, take a breath, and check-in with each member. Ask how they are doing or how they are feeling. One may never know how his or her actions may easily affect the entire day of another family member.

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Eat a healthy breakfast and stay hydrated.

Good luck and be sure to update us on the situation!

Best, Laurie

Eating nutritiously can help positively fuel one’s own attention, alertness, memory, and mood. Additionally, staying hydrated can help one to be less fatigued and more focused. Try to make sure everyone in the family eats a healthy breakfast in the morning to fill their stomachs—and fuel their heads and hearts—with the same nutrition. In turn, each family member can stay productive and motivated throughout his or her day.

LIVING OUT

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living healthy wellness

by dr. bill blazey

resolutions for a happy and healthy 2013 Are you up-to-date with your vaccines?

Do you know what your Body Mass Index is?

Do you know what your cholesterol levels are?

Are you up-to-date with screening tests, such as a Pap smear or mammogram?

Do you have a primary care provider that you see at least once a year?

With a new year, it is the perfect time to make some choices to let 2013 be both healthy and happy. Benjamin Franklin was quoted as saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

To begin the year off right, let us assess how you are doing with preventive health with this brief quiz. If you answered yes to these questions, then congratulations are in order for you, since you are well-informed and well-prepared. If not, devote a small amount of time in 2013 to fortify your health, and you will be rewarded many years from now.

vaccines

Every year you should get a ‘flu shot’ to protect yourself against influenza. The vaccine is made each year to target the strains that are predicted to affect us, so it changes year to year. This year’s vaccine appears to be targeting the same strains that are being found in people with the flu. Luckily, it is not too late to get this vaccine: Most doctors and pharmacists carry it.

Every 10 years, you should get a tetanus vaccine to protect against a serious illness that occurs after cuts or puncture wounds, such as from a rusty nail. However with the rise of pertussis (aka whooping cough), it is advised for most people to be treated with a vaccine that is a combination of tetanus and pertussis. This is very important for Long Islanders, since there have been many cases of whooping cough in the past few years.

There are many other vaccines to consider, mostly based on age or risk factors. The HPV vaccine provides immunity against several strains of HPV that cause genital warts and cervical/anal cancers, and is indicated for both males and females up to the age of 26. Men who have sex with men should be vaccinated against Hepatitis A and B to decrease risk of infection and liver damage. People living with HIV should discuss being vaccinated against meningitis and pneumonia soon after their diagnosis; however they should discuss all vaccines with their medical provider. For people 65 and older, they should consider getting the pneumonia and shingles vaccines.

Body Mass Index

Your Body Mass Index (BMI) is a number that compares your height and weight. Your doctor can calculate the number for you, or you can find BMI calculators on the Internet. A number between 18 and 25 is considered normal. A BMI over 30 is classified as obese (over 40 is morbidly obese) and should alert you that your weight has serious risk of causing future complications, such as diabetes, heart disease and arthritis.

Diet and exercise are the cornerstones of achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. There is no right diet for everyone. Ideally, you should

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look at all the diets and pick one that you think you can maintain for a long time. Crash diets and other fad diets often give fast weight loss but are difficult and sometimes dangerous to continue for long periods of time. One suggestion is to eat small portions of food five times a day with as much variety to your foods as possible. Enlisting the help of a registered dietician to advise and coach you is often covered under insurance plans, so talk to your healthcare provider to discuss this option.

Exercise is critical to losing weight and maintaining cardiovascular wellness. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggest that all adults get at least 150 minutes of aerobic activity a week to get basic health benefits. Chose an activity that you enjoy doing, such as dancing, jogging, or gym classes. Many gaming systems have exercise programs that will help you be active and entertained, and I have seen more than a few of my patients lose weight that way. Then break down the time into manageable amounts throughout the week.

Some people find it is easier to exercise three times a week for an hour instead of five times a week for 30 minutes. There is no wrong way to get your time in, as long as you get it done. If you have not been active in the past, then start slow and build up your activity levels as you are able to.

Occasionally a medication or underlying medical condition may be causing the weight gain. You should ask your medical provider to test you for common diseases, such as diabetes and hypothyroidism (low thyroid) if you have difficulty getting to a healthy weight. Some medications can lead to weight gain, and your doctor may be able to offer ‘weight-neutral’ alternatives.

cholesterol levels

It is important to get screened for your cholesterol levels on at least a semi-annual basis. Your total cholesterol is important; however knowing your HDL, LDL and triglyceride levels may help you prevent cardiac disease. HDL cholesterol is the ‘good’ cholesterol because it scavenges for bad cholesterols and delivers them to the liver to be reprocessed. It is considered to be protective for the heart. You can increase your good cholesterol and decrease your bad cholesterols

(the LDL and triglycerides) naturally by exercising, quitting smoking (if you smoke), and avoiding trans-fats in your diet. If your cholesterol does not improve with these lifestyle changes, then you may need medications to assist your body with improving your cholesterol and decreasing risks of heart disease in the future.

screening tests

Current guidelines say that women over 40 should have an annual mammogram and an in-office breast exam to screen for breast cancer.

Women with a family history of breast cancers may need to start earlier. It is important to discuss when and how often you should have breast screenings. Transgender women should have an annual mammogram starting at age 50 if they had or currently take hormonal treatments. Transgender men should have a mammogram done annually if they did not have chest reconstruction surgery. If in doubt, ask your medical provider to assess your needs.

Women should have a Pap smear starting at age 21 regardless of sexual activity or sexual orientation. Following the first exam, your medical provider should give you guidance as to how often you need testing to be repeated. Transgender women with a neovagina do not need Pap smears; however a periodic visual examination should be performed. Transgender men should have Pap smears with the frequency depending on prior surgical treatments.

Pap smear testing for signs of anal cancer should be done in men who have sex with men and women with a history of anal warts. If you are HIV positive, then this test should be performed annual since the risk of anal cancer is doubled.

primary care provider

Primary care providers are specialists in coordinating your health care, diagnosing diseases, and providing preventive care. Your primary care doctor should be the person that you can entrust to advocate for your best health. Find a healthcare provider that you feel is right for you.

Being honest and open with your doctor will allow them to provide all of the needed preventive care treatments that will allow you to have a healthy 2013!

LIVING OUT

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living smart

Your Gay Guide to a Fabulous Super Bowl Party Tips and recipes to make your party fun and memorable! by james fallarino and jennifer lella Find your jersey and lay claim to your spot on the couch: Super Bowl XLVIII is coming on Sunday, February 3, 2013.

This year’s game returns to the Big Easy and the always-partying Bourbon Street of New Orleans. While we do not yet know who will face off inside the Superdome, we do know that Beyoncé will be rocking the half-time show, and that is reason enough to throw a great Super Bowl party. So while we await the game and the infamous TV commercials, here are some super ideas to help you throw a party that will wow your friends.

The TV Makes All the Difference A great TV is key to a fun Super Bowl party, whether your guests are concerned with close calls or how the players look in their gear. The Panasonic TC-P55VT50 ($2,299.99 - $2,999.99 on Amazon.com) is a plasma flat panel that comes in 55- and 65-inch models, and is sure to provide you the clarity you need to argue a close play with your uncle. It boasts 1080p resolution and 3D technology, although you will need to purchase the Activeshutter 3D glasses separately ($59.99 a pair on Amazon.com) if you prefer to have the players jumping off the screen and into your lap. The Panasonic TC-P55VT50 leads the pack on plasma picture quality, and the back panel is loaded with inputs for all your devices.

have great beer While our J-E-T-S are O-U-T of it and this could be a disappointment, think on the bright side—Mark Sanchez is available for an invite. And when he he comes to your party, he will be looking for a good local Long Island beer. Blue Point Brewing Company is perhaps the best-known Long Island beer, serving up a wide range of Lagers, Pilsners, Ales, and more. Blue Point’s most popular brews, like the award-winning Toasted Lager, are available in bottles, growlers, and kegs, and can be picked up at their brewery and tasting room in Patchogue and at beer distributors throughout the Island.

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concoct tasty cocktails Some people are just not beer drinkers, but we will not hold that against them. Distillers are infusing vodka with a plethora of decadent flavors, and with those from Smirnoff, such as Kissed Caramel, Iced Cake, and Dark Roasted Espresso, these can help you come up with a signature cocktail to make your Super Bowl soiree extra unique.

mix 2 oz. of smirnoff iced cake flavored vodka with 1 oz. orange juice, 1 oz. pineapple juice, and top off with club soda for a decadent upside-down cake cocktail.

Not all your guests will want to imbibe, so make sure to have a variety of non-alcoholic beverage options available.

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living smart

think about decor To decorate or not to decorate? Some football diehards think that decorating for your Super Bowl party is silly. Not everyone at your party will care about the game, and for those people, you can provide other visual distractions. After the Conference Championships, head over to handmade superstore Etsy.com to pick up some decorations celebrating your favorite team.

This year’s Super Bowl will also take place in New Orleans during Mardi Gras season, so add some flair to your fete with some purple, green, and gold centerpieces, such as these from Etsy retailer PartyShapes.

grab some grub The Super Bowl is arguably the first legitimate opportunity to cheat on your New Year’s resolution to eat better, so make sure you are taking full advantage of this junk-food holiday!

Wow your friends by whipping up your own homemade cheese with an easy-to-use kit from Urban Cheesecraft ($9-$50 on urbancheesecraft. com). It is quick and easy and will make you look like a culinary genius.

The saucy, messy goodness of Buffalo wings are a staple for any sports-viewing function, but one flavor never seems to be enough. Please all your guests by creating your own wing bar. Raid the condiment section of your local grocery store for a great selection of sauces and dressings to top your wings.

TIP

Create a spread with your wings and do not forget the staple blue cheese dressing and the ultimate accouterment to any good wing: celery. Your delicate-tongued friends will thank you!

recipes for the perfect sidedish Chicken Corn Chili, Serves 4

Pulled Pork Quesadillas, Serves 10

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• 1 3-pound boneless pork roast • 1 teaspoon salt • 1 teaspoon pepper • 1 teaspoon garlic powder • 2 cups barbeque sauce • 1/2 cup chicken broth or stock • 1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar or monterey jack cheese • 12 large tortillas Season the pork roast with salt, pepper and garlic powder. In the crock of the slow cooker, combine the barbeque sauce and stock. Mix well. Place the roast in the crock, and cook at a low temperature until the meat easily falls apart, about eight hours. When cool enough to handle, remove from cooker and shred the meat. Place in a bowl, and add about one cup of the liquid from the slow cooker. Set aside.

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1 small onion, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 large jalapeno pepper (1/2 chopped and 1/2 sliced; remove seeds for less heat) • 2 4-ounce can chopped green chiles, drained • 1 teaspoon ground cumin • 1 teaspoon white pepper • 2 cups low-sodium chicken broth • 2 cups shredded rotisserie chicken • 2 15-ounce cans large white beans or pinto beans (1 undrained; 1 drained and rinsed) • 1 cup frozen corn, thawed • 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese • 1/2 cup sour cream Heat the olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, stirring, until slightly soft, about three minutes.

Add the garlic, chopped jalapeno, green chiles cumin and white pepper and cook, stirring, until the spices are toasted, about two minutes. Stir in the chicken broth, chicken and beans along with the liquid from one of the cans of beans. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to medium low and simmer, stirring occasionally, until thickened, about 15 minutes.

Using a potato masher, mash the chili until about half of the beans are broken up. Stir in the corn, cilantro and cheese. Divide the chili among bowls and top with cheese and the sliced jalapeno. Serve with sour cream and cornbread, if desired.

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Heat a large frying pan over medium heat. Place a tortilla in the pan. After heated through, flip the tortilla, and sprinkle cheese on evenly. Add a layer of pulled pork, and a second layer of cheese. Cover with a second tortilla. Carefully flip the quesadilla, and cook until the cheese has melted.

Once cooked through, remove from heat. Allow to cool for a few minutes before cutting the into wedges for serving.

Serve with sour cream or ranch dressing for dipping.

Just because you may have spent the Fall at the mall shopping the Sunday sales or going to the Tanning Salon on 50% off Sundays, does not mean you cannot sound like a commentator on ESPN. Here are some fun facts to make you sound like a gridiron genius: The National Football League is comprised of 32 teams, 16 in the National Football Conference, and 16 in the American Football Conference.

The NFL is the most-attended domestic sports league in the world.

The first Super Bowl was held in 1966 and was called, “First AFL-NFL World Championship Game.” The Green Bay Packers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs 35-10.

The Vince Lombardi Trophy is awarded to the winner of the Super Bowl. A new trophy is made out of sterling silver, by Tiffany & Co., for the winning team each year.

Of the 10 most-watched American television programs of all time, nine are Super Bowls.

The average cost for a 30-second commercial aired during Super Bowl XLVII (2012) was $3.5 million.

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living smart travel

by joey amato

out destination: memphis

visit graceland and pay respects to the king in the meditation garden before you visit the world-renowned ducks at the peabody hotel or take a walk down main street.

Known for Blues, BBQ and Elvis, Memphis is a city steeped in culture and tradition.

There are many things to do and see in Memphis, but one of the largest tourist attractions by far is Graceland, the former home of Elvis Presley. Surprisingly, the estate was located in the heart of an urban neighborhood instead of the sprawling countryside, but once a visitor enters the music note-adorned gates, he or she is quickly transported back in time.

Many of the rooms in Graceland still contain the same furnishings and décor as it did when Elvis and his family lived there. Over 600,000 visitors tour Graceland every year, making it one of the most-visited homes in the country. The mansion sits on 13.8 acres and was declared a National Historic Landmark in 2006. The only portion of the mansion that is off-limits to guests is the upstairs, as Elvis always wanted to keep that portion of his home private.

Hundreds of gold records and memorabilia can be found throughout the estate. Even the clothes worn by Elvis and Priscilla on their wedding day can be seen behind glass

in another building constructed on the property. Visitors can also tour Elvis’s private plane collection, which are not model planes, by the way. Finally, pay respect to the King with a visit to the Presley family gravesite in the meditation garden.

If all of the touring has made you hungry, head downtown to find some of the best BBQ east of the Mississippi. Hidden in an alley off 2nd Street is Charles Vergo’s Rendezvous, a Memphis institution featured on the Travel Channel’s Man v.

Food Nation. Even though host Adam Richmond suggested trying the ribs, my guest and I both opted for the succulent Pork Shoulder sandwich. At just $7.95, this delicious over-sized sandwich arrives overflowing with pork and accompanied by baked beans and a unique mustard and vinegar-based slaw. It is the perfect way to begin a culinary journey of Memphis.

After lunch, walk over to the historic Peabody Hotel and catch a glimpse of the world-renowned Peabody Ducks, which have been featured on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, Sesame Street, the Oprah Winfrey Show and in People magazine. Over the years, celebrities including Paula Deen, Joan Collins, Kevin Bacon, Emeril Lagasse, Patrick Swayze, and Peter Frampton have received the coveted

role of Honorary Duckmaster. The Peabody is a member of the International Gay & Lesbian Travel Association, so you and your partner will feel welcome staying here.

Spend the early evening walking down Beale Street and listen to any one of the dozens of live bands perform, or grab a cocktail at Wet Willie’s. Beale Street comes alive after dark, but if you are looking to catch a great drag performance, head to Crossroads, one of Memphis’ premier gay bars. The establishment boasts a large stage, outdoor patio and multiple bar areas. However, they do not serve alcohol but encourage patrons to bring their own.

Other options include Drew’s Place and Pumping Station, but club-goers should head to Spectrum. The 30,000 square-foot complex boasts two dance floors and is the hottest place in town to meet and mingle with a young and fabulous crowd.

Memphis is home to many music-related attractions in addition to Graceland. For example, the Stax Museum of American Soul Music, which is located at the original site of Stax Records, pays tribute to all of the artists who recorded there. The museum includes more than 2,000 pieces of memorabilia from soul pioneers such as Ike & Tina Turner, Aretha Franklin, The Jackson Five, Al Green, Sam Cooke, James Brown and Ray Charles.

A few miles up the road is Sun Studio, a recording studio opened by rock pioneer Sam Phillips in 1950. The building is known for recording what is being called the first rock-and-roll single, Jackie

Brenston and the Delta Cats’ “Rocket 88”.

The studio also holds the nickname “The Birthplace of Rock & Roll.” Music legends including Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins, Roy Orbison and Jerry Lee Lewis all recorded here at some point in their career.

For dinner, I recommend Local Gastropub on Main Street. Diners should choose to sit outside and watch as street cars and decorated horse-drawn carriages travel up and down the street, which is closed to thru-traffic, giving Local Gastropub a very European vibe. The food at Local is varied and plentiful. For starters, try the Smoked Duck Quesadilla with chipotle aioli or the Crispy Spanish Shrimp with sweet paprika mayo. For a lighter entrée, choose one of Local’s signature salads. The Seared Tuna Tostada contains ahi tuna cooked to perfection over a bed of mixed greens, marinated cucumbers, crisp wontons and toasted sesame seeds with a Thai dressing.

If you have more of an appetite, try the Fish & Chips, a hearty portion of North Atlantic cod deep-fried in a Ghost River Golden Ale batter with lemon dill tartar sauce served with hand-cut fries. Another great selection is the Shrimp & Grits, served with chaurice sausage broth, tomato jam and fried egg.

Memphis is a great weekend destination and an excellent city for those looking to learn more about music history.

Remember, bring your appetite and do not forget to pack your blue suede shoes!

For more information

visit www.MemphisTravel.com

4 OUT Destinations is part of OUTreach Public Relations, a company specializing in LGBT marketing. Founded by Joey Amato, OUTreach PR has quickly become one of the most soughtafter companies for firms looking to target the ever-growing and affluent LGBT consumer. For more information, please visit www.outreachpublicrelations.com.

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living smart legal info

by dave mejias

the abc’s of scotus and marriage equality On December 7, 2012, the United States Supreme Court agreed to hear two landmark cases concerning the rights of same-sex Americans: Hollingsworth v. Perry and United States v.

Windsor. The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments on these cases in the Spring of 2013.

Hollingsworth v. Perry is a California case concerning a challenge to Proposition 8, the amendment to the California state constitution that voters approved in 2008, which prohibited the banning of same-sex marriage. The United States Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit upheld the lower court’s decision, finding Proposition 8 unconstitutional, and the case was appealed to the United States Supreme Court by supporters of Proposition 8.

A decision by the Supreme Court upholding the Hollingsworth decision could overturn state laws banning same-sex marriage.

The Supreme Court will also hear United States v.

Windsor, which involves a challenge to the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). The Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, defining marriage as between “one man and one woman” and forbids the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages.

The United States Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit held in Windsor that the Defense of Marriage Act violates the equal protection clause to the United States Constitution.

Edith Windsor, an 83-year-old woman, had a 40-year relationship with Thea Spayer, whom she married in Canada in 2007. Windsor sued the federal government, challenging estate taxes that she owed on her partner’s estate, totaling $363,000.00. Since Windsor was married to a woman, and the Defense of Marriage Act forbids the federal government from recognizing same sexmarriages, Windsor was ineligible for the spousal deductions available to married couples. As a result, Windsor owes $363,000.00 in estate taxes that she would not have owed if she was married to a man.

The Windsor decision in October came on the heals of Gill v. OPM, the decision from the United States Court of Appeals for the 1st Circuit in Massachusetts that holds the Defense of Marriage Act violated the Equal Protection Clause by denying same-sex couples federal benefits that are provided to married couples.

The Supreme Court’s consideration of the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act has important implications on many federal rights

and benefits that are available to married couples but denied to same-sex couples. The Defense of Marriage Act prevents a same-sex spouse from sponsoring his or her own spouse for immigration residency purposes. Widow and widowers of military service members cannot collect their survivor benefits if the marriage is same-sex. Samesex couples cannot file joint Federal Income Tax returns. Spousal Social Security survivor benefits are not available to same-sex married couples. The Defense of Marriage Act prevents same-sex spouses from taking medical leave, pursuant to the Federal Medical Leave Act, to care for a sick spouse.

President Obama has already voiced his belief that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional, and in October, he predicted that the issue would be before the Supreme Court. In February 2011, President Obama ordered the Justice Department to stop defending the Defense of Marriage Act, concluding that Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act defining marriage between a man and a woman is unconstitutional.

About the Author

Dave Mejias, a former Nassau County Legislator, has been practicing law for decades with a specialization in marriage law and immigrant communities.

building community

find community at one of li’s glbt centers make a new year’s resolution to visit your local glbt center! visit www.liglbtnetwork.org to find out what programs and events are happening and how you can get involved!

The Center at Garden City

The Center at bay shore whether you’re a teenager, adult, senior, or parent, there is a center for you. connect with others at long island’s glbt community centers in garden city and bay shore.

400 garden city plaza, suite 110, garden city

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34 park avenue, bay shore

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points of view op-ed

AP’s discouraging “homophobia” is discouraging

by Reverend Irene Monroe The editors at the Associated Press Stylebook have announced that they are “discouraging” the use of the word “homophobia.” The AP Stylebook is the widely used guide that media uses to standardize terms and general usage.

Why should the LGBTQ community be in a kerfuffle about it? The issue is that the AP editors have made their decision without the consultation

intervention, but should nonetheless be aptly labeled as none other than a “phobia.” For example, the infamous, and illegitimate, legal argument called the “gay panic defense” is simply an excuse for murder, in which a heterosexual defendant pleas temporary insanity as self-defense

To suggest the press eliminate the word can not only diminish the scope of people understanding homophobia’s wide range, but it can also diminish our scope of LGBTQ activists in our continued efforts to effect change. of the nation’s leading LGBTQ organizations, leaders, activists, and newspapers.

With an estimated 3,400 AP employees in bureaus around the globe, the AP editors’ suggestion could have a tsunami-like effect on how the world comes to understand, be informed about or dismiss discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people.

AP’s online Stylebook defines “phobia” as “an irrational, uncontrollable fear, often a form of mental illness” and therefore should be expunged from political and social contexts, including words such as “Islamophobia” and “homophobia.”

Preciseness in language is important, yet language is a representation of culture. How people use it perpetuates ideas and assumptions about race, gender and sexual orientation. People consciously and unconsciously articulate this in everyday conversations about themselves and the rest of the world—and it travels on a generational basis.

In turn, a lot is in the word “homophobia.” The history and culture of discrimination, violence, and hatred toward LGBTQ people also involves an irrational fear of the community. It is this irrational fear that may not need psychiatric or clinical

against a purported LGBTQ sexual advance. Another example is the “ick factor.” It is the revulsion some heterosexuals feel toward the way LGBTQ people engage in sexual intimacy. Altering the hearts and minds of these folks will take a while, if not a lifetime.

Dave Minthorn, AP Deputy standards editor, shared with POLITICO that the word “homophobia... [is] just off the mark...it’s ascribing a mental disability to someone, and suggests a knowledge that we don’t have. It seems inaccurate. Instead, we would use something more neutral: anti-gay, or some such, if we had reason to believe that was the case.” By keeping the word “homophobia” narrowly used and confined within a medical context is controlling.

Only a homophobic word-police would utter such absurd advice. Moreover, it is also absurd for AP to think that their discouragement of the use of the word, with absolutely no consultation with the LGBTQ community, demonstrates hubris and insensitivity. It also raises queries about AP’s political and social motives for doing so.

George Weinberg, the psychologist who coined the word “homophobia” in his 1972 book Society and the Healthy Homosexual, stated:

“It made all the difference to city councils and other people I spoke to,” Weinberg told journalist Andy Humm, who shared the quote with The Advocate and other media. “It encapsulates a whole point of view and of feeling. It was a hard-won word, as you can imagine. It even brought me some death threats.

Is homophobia always based on fear? I thought so and still think so...We have no other word for what we’re talking about, and this one is well established. We use ‘freelance’ for writers who don’t throw lances anymore and who want to get paid for their work. ...

It seems curious that this word is getting such scrutiny while words like triskaidekaphobia (the fear of the number 13) hang around.”

The word “homophobia” derives from a particular history and struggle for civil rights of LGBTQ people across the world.

Additionally, it has become part of a universal LGBTQ lexicon that speaks truth to the community’s reality. The word has power, and unfortunately, a deleterious effect. Part of the LGBTQ community’s liberation is in their strength to call acts of homophobia out. To suggest the press eliminate the word can not only diminish the scope of people understanding homophobia’s wide range, but it can also diminish the scope of LGBTQ activists who have continued efforts to effect change.

AP now has control of the word “homophobia,” yet it is not theirs. Several mainstream newspapers are pushing back. Newspapers and media are under no order to follow AP guidelines. John E. McIntyre of the Baltimore Sun wrote in his column “Sorry, AP, can’t go along on ‘homophobia’ […] the AP “ruling on this point is reasoned, principled, and wrongheaded.” McIntyre points to the 40-year usage of the word “homophobic” and makes a practical point: “If the editors of the AP Stylebook wish to discourage the use of certain words simply because they can be misused or misunderstood, there ought to be a great many in line ahead of homophobia.”

Tell us what you think: Share your opinions and views online at facebook.com/livingoutli or write to letters@livingoutli.org.

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points of view trans-missions

not disordered by gwendolyn Ann Smith Far away from its 1840-era roots, as a by-product of the United States Census Bureau, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is now one of the predominate tools for members of the American Psychiatric Association. The Board of Trustees of the American Psychiatric Association finally approved the fifth edition, known colloquially as DSM-5, on the first of December.

When it is published in May of 2013, it will become the standard to diagnosing and treating all manner of mental issues.

Several sections have been revised during the road to the fifth edition, in a process that started in 1999, shortly after DSM-4 received a minor text revision. The revisions cover a number of mental issues, such as depression, bipolar disorder, pica, Asperger syndrome, and others.

The transgender community has mainly looked at the changes to gender identity disorder. For example, the name changes from GID to gender dysphoria, and splits this into categories for children and adults.

Many within the transgender community hailed the move. At last, it was acknowledged that they were not “disordered.” This would mean that being transgender is no longer a mental illness itself, but much like changes to the way homosexuality was handled in reprinting of DSM-2 in 1974, mental stress is caused by the nature of being transgender.

Adding to the elation over this was the feeling that some members of the workgroup involved in this change—specifically but not limited to Dr. Kenneth Zucker and Dr. J. Michael Bailey—did not hold sway. Zucker is the psychologist in chief at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. He also has a history of support for “reparative therapy” treatments that can be harmful for transgender people, in addition to medical intervention for intersexed individuals. Bailey wrote the controversial book The Man Who Would Be Queen, which claims that transsexuals themselves do not exist. According to Bailey, transsexuals are only people that are so gay they feel the urge to change their sex. The other category mentioned, which is autogynephiles, claims that the desire to feminize one’s self is a sexual fetish. This seems to be his way of explaining transgender women who are not attracted to males. He did not seemingly include any consideration for female to male individuals in his book.

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This would mean that being transgender is no longer a mental illness itself, but... mental stress is caused by the nature of being transgender.

Amid the cheers over the changes to gender identity disorder, another addition to the text was discovered: the entry for transvestic fetishism was replaced by transvestic disorder. Dr. Ray Blanchard, a protégé of Zucker and Bailey, penned this.

Blanchard’s “transvestic disorder” goes beyond the old category in several ways. First it brings in Bailey’s “autogynephilia” as well as “autoandrophilia” as actual parts of diagnosis, canonizing the idea. It may seek to usurp the gender dysphoria category by claiming that someone, for example, born female who presents as male and is sexually active at any time is disordered.

It is almost the classic bait and switch. While the transgender community watches and waits on gender identity disorder being modernized, they see a far more odious category slip in. Meanwhile, many are concerned that the loss of GID as a category could lead to a harder road in getting treatment. In an absolute worst-case scenario, a medical provider or insurance company could balk at treatment for something that is not viewed as a “disorder,” potentially requiring transgender people to seek treatment under the highly stigmatizing “transvestic disorder.” Never mind that treatment for such would not match what one may require: medical, not mental intervention— and certainly not reparative therapy.

Transgender people—perhaps specifically transsexual, perhaps not—need to fall under the realm of medical care, not mental care. The problem is not between their ears, but elsewhere.

They are neither pretending to be a gender opposite of that which a doctor assigned at birth, and nor are they mentally ill for having a female or male brain in a mismatched body.

A few weeks back, I saw such incredible progress on the care and treatment of transgender people at the annual conference of the Gay and Lesbian Medical Association. I spoke with medical professionals overflowing seminars on transgender care. They understand what transgender people are going through and could provide more than adequate care.

The transgender community needs to be able to live their lives with proper care, free of being dependent on people like Blanchard, Zucker, and Bailey imposing psychosexual diagnoses that have nothing to do with their own reality. They should not have to jump through the sort of hoops Blanchard, Zucker, and Bailey may set up to get a medical issue treated: It is just not right.

Imagine that in 1974, after Frank Kameny “declared war” on the APA over the pathology of homosexuality, the DSM-2 delisted homosexuality—but also included “inversion fetishism” and tried to pen gay men and lesbians into even more restrictive, erroneous categories?

As a transgender woman, that is how this feels.

It is a slap in the face. It is trying to taint my life with assumptions that I am a woman because of a sexual desire to feminize myself. My very existence invalidates this claim.

To change gender identity disorder to gender dysphoria is a step in the right direction, all in all— but I am unwilling to have to take two steps back thanks to the appalling inclusion of “transvestic disorder.” This is simply unacceptable.

About the Author

Gwen Smith is neither disordered nor dysphoric: She is a woman. You can find her on the web at www.gwensmith.com

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PROGRAM SPECIALIST We are currently seeking a Program Specialist to engage individuals through outreach and social networking, and communicate services that are available to them through HIV/Hepatitis C Virus (HCV)/STI counseling, testing and referrals. In this role, you will conduct HIV/HCV/STI testing and coordinate referrals and service linkages. In addition, you will also conduct educational and skill building interventions to referred individuals, as well as collection of client data.

Requirements: Bachelor’s degree required. (Masters preferred). At least one year of social services background required. Knowledge of HIV/HEP/ TB/STD related information and substance abuse issues plus 1 year experience working with active drug users helpful. Excellent public speaking skills and awareness of community resources and services. Must be familiar with Microsoft Word and working on the Internet.

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Mail/Fax resume to: LIAAC 60 Adams Ave., Hauppauge, New York 11788 Attention: Robert Nicoletti, Human Resources Email: rnicoletti@liaac.org • Fax: 631-656-7235 Please check our website at www.liaac.org for other open positions and services and follow us on Facebook.

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Socialization/Group Meetings Meetings are open to anyone interested in joining FREE TO BE who are GLBT, questioning and gay-straight alliance.

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