Issue 8, Volume 1: July/August 2013 by Living Out

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In THis Issue july/august 2013 - Volume 1, Issue 8 1 Cover

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2 donaldsons subaru 3 In this issue 4 letter from the editor 5 Mejias, Milgram and Alverado 6 in the news: national

8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

7 in the news: interNational 8 Out on LI: doma’s repeal and immigration reform 10 out on LI: growing up and giving back 12 long island pride recap 13 book reviews

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

14 interview with fun. guitarist jack antonoff 16 calendar 17 long island press 18 Be Scene: Photo spread 22 out front: doma is done

24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

26 living healthy 28 travel: road trip 29 free 30 labor day fashion inspiration 31 building your perfect dream (home) team

32 33 34 35 36

Living Out is produced by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network with support from Morey Publishing, LLC.

32 living smart: grilling recipes 33 huntington bay dental 34 pov: black pride 35 trans-missions 36 li glbt expo

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David Kilmnick, Publisher info@livingoutli.org Meryl Lumba, editor editor@livingoutli.org Jeff Main, Art Director art@livingoutli.org Andrew Schleider, Advertising advertising@livingoutli.org Contributors Joey Amato, Matthew Ambrosio, Chris Azzopardi, Dr. Bill Blazey, Mike Canestraro, Rev. Irene Monroe, Charlene Obernauer, Rachel Roth, Laurie Segal, Gwen Smith

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Letter from the Editor I recently had the pleasure of attending an event hosted by our friends at the Long Island Press, which honored and recognized the 50 most influential Long Islanders, including Living Out’s publisher and LI GLBT Network CEO, David Kilmnick, for their hard work in bettering our region through health, education, and public policy.

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The evening really resounded with me because there is just so much work to do in our local communities as well as at the state and national levels—and so many hardworking Long Islanders are addressing those needs. Just days later, I celebrated the Supreme Court decisions overturning the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the dismissal of Prop. 8—what a historic day worth celebrating! Indeed, we have moved one step closer to full equality under the Constitution, but the fact that this work is not nearly done is at the forefront of this issue of Living Out. We would like to take a moment to thank LI GLBT Network supporter and Long Island’s own Edie Windsor for her heroic bravery, fighting first the state of New York and then DOMA to the highest court. Edie has turned her personal fight into a victory for the GLBT community across the nation. She has inspired the staff of Living Out—and we hope you, as well—to stay energized and to push forward: educating and advocating and showing pride. We hope you join us in celebrating this historic moment in our civil rights movement and we are confident we will celebrate many more such moments in the near future. With Pride,

Share your thoughts. Email: editor@livingoutli.org Meryl Lumba, Editor

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victory for trans youth

In the news national News

By Rachel Roth

scotus strikes down doma, changes nation In a 5-4 decision by the nation’s highest court, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) was struck down as unconstitutional, allowing for GLBT married couples to be regonized fully by the federal government and receive

more than 1,100 benefits previously available only for heterosexual unions. The Supreme Court also dismissed the Proposition 8 case, effectively allowing the state of California to resume same-sex marriages.

for more on the defense of marriage act and long island’s own edie windsor, turn to page 22.

Transgender 6-year-old Coy Mathis has won the right to use the girls restroom at her elementary school in Colorado. According to The New York Times, Mathis’ parents informed the school that their child identified as a girl and should be treated as such. When her parents were informed that Mathis had to use the gender-neutral faculty bathroom at school because of her trans status, they filed a complaint against FountainFort Carson School District 8 with the Colorado Civil Rights Division. In an 11-9 vote in the Delaware Senate, gender identity and expression was added to the state’s existing anti-discrimination laws, making discrimination based on gender identity in employment, housing, and insurance forbidden.

‘Ex-gay’ group says it’s shutting down; leader apologizes A Christian ministry that led the so-called ex-gay movement, which professes to rid people of their homosexuality, has announced that it will shut down, and its leader apologized extensively to gays for causing “pain and hurt.” Exodus International was founded in 1976 and has more than 200 branches, churches and counselors in the United States and Canada. President Alan Chambers admitted in an open letter on the ministry’s website that he had “conveniently omitted [his] ongoing same-sex attractions” but now accepts them “as parts of [his] life that will always be there.”

In a statement on her official

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website, Murkowski credited her experience helping two women adopt four siblings as the reason for changing her opinion. “I am a life-long Republican because I believe in promoting freedom and limiting the reach of government,” she wrote. “When government does act, I believe it should encourage

In an 11-9 vote in the Delaware Senate, gender identity and expression was added to the state’s already existing anti-discrimination laws, making discrimination based on gender identity in employment, housing, insurance, public contracting and public accommodations forbidden. The proposal is among the broadest and most comprehensive in the nation in how it defines “gender identity” and the protections it would offer. The bill’s amendment also addresses its opponents’ argument of “change-room disturbances.” Governor Jack Markell signed Senate Bill 97 into law in late June. Delaware is the 17th state—and the District of Columbia—to legally protect transgender people from bias based on gender identity.

Supreme Court rejects AntiProstitution Pledge

3 Republican senators endorse marriage equality Several GOP senators have changed their position on marriage equality. Senator Rob Portman from Ohio, Illinois’ Mark Kirk, and Alaskan Lisa Murkowski (pictured left to right) announced that they are now in favor of allowing gays and lesbians to legally marry their partners.

Delaware Passes Trans Antidiscrimination bill

family values. I support the right of all Americans to marry the person they love and choose because I believe doing so promotes both values: It keeps politicians out of the most private and personal aspects of peoples’ lives—while also encouraging more families to form and more adults to make a lifetime commitment to one another.”

The Supreme Court ruled that government could not make opposition to prostitution a prerequisite for federal funding for nonprofits. In a 5-2 decision, the high court struck down a 2003 law that required any group getting federal funding for HIV prevention programs overseas to have a blanket policy against sex trafficking and prostitution. Justices Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas were in the minority and Elena Kagan recused herself, Reuters reported.

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international News

‘Neither’ an acceptable gender in Australia

By Rachel Roth

Law to criminalize homosexuality has public support According to Pink News, a new poll has found that 92 percent of Nigerians are in support of a proposed bill to make samesex marriages and cohabitation punishable with 14-year prison sentences. The bill also contains harsh punishments for “any person who registers, operates or participates in gay clubs, societies and organizations directly or indirectly, makes a public show of a same-sex amorous relationship.” Committing any of the aforementioned “offenses” results in a 10-year sentence. The poll was conducted by NOI Polls Limited, which works in partnership with the US-based Gallup Polling.

The kids are more than all right The Australian Study of Child Health in Same-Sex Families collected data on 500 children across the country and found that there is no statistical difference between kids growing up in gay rather than straight families. According to the preliminary findings, kids in all families are equally matched when it came to self-esteem, emotional well-being, and amount of time they spent with parents. When it came to overall health and family cohesion, however, the children of gay parents did better than the national average. Lead researcher Dr. Simon Crouch attributed the findings to gay families fostering open communication as they confront the challenges of being a “non-traditional family” together.

Dramatic protest results in death The world-famous Notre Dame Cathedral was evacuated in May due to what some are calling a politically-motivated suicide. Dominique Venner, author and well-known figure of the French far right, shot himself in front of the altar, prompting the evacuation of an estimated 1,500 visitors. Just prior to his death, Venner, who was 78, indicated on his website, that his suicide was a way to protest against a recent law legalizing gay marriage in France. In his final post, Venner also called on people to join in protesting the controversial law. “It is here and now that our destiny is at stake,” he wrote. “This second is as important as the rest of a life. That is why it is important to be yourself until the last moment.”

In the news

An appeals court ruled in favor of a Sydney activist, who goes only by the first name Norrie. The Sydney Morning Herald reported that Norrie —who was born male Norrie, Sydney activist and has undergone sexual reassignment surgery—identifies as “neuter” and wanted to be legally recognized as such. The state government initially agreed to list Norrie as genderless, but rescinded their decision a few months later, stating that everyone must be either male or female. The appeals court rebuked that logic, and in a unanimous ruling, they wrote, “as a matter of construction … the word ‘sex’ does not bear a binary meaning of ‘male’ or ‘female.’” Technically, the ruling only applies to those who have had sexual reassignment surgery, but because of the language in the court’s decision, it could be used as precedent for all genderqueer people.

read even more glbt news from around the world: visit www.livingoutli.org

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out on li

New York couples like Monica and Cristina (left), Vandiver and Velandia (right), and Sean and Steven (bottom) were immediately positively impacted by DOMA’s repeal just weeks ago.

DOMA’s Repeal

One Step Forward for Immigration Reform by Charlene Obernauer

Early on in the fight for immigration reform, the GLBT community— particularly the 40,000 same-sex binational couples living in the United States—were told not to expect much from the bill. Republican Senator Marco Rubio of Florida, known for his strong support for immigration reform, said that he would walk away from his signature issue if GLBT couples were included. For the GOP in the Senate, GLBT rights were a nonstarter. And they won: In the final bill that passed the U.S. Senate on June 27th, GLBT bi-national couples were deliberately excluded. However, a day before the immigration reform vote, the U.S. Supreme Court overturned the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). Despite the GOP’s best efforts to oppose equality for GLBT couples, DOMA’s repeal granted married samesex couples the same federal benefits as married, different-sex couples, including the right to sponsor same-sex partners for a green card.

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Immediately after DOMA’s repeal, binational GLBT couples were positively impacted. One New York City couple, Sean and Steven Brooks, was scheduled for a deportation proceeding at 10:30 a.m. on June 26th, and just a few minutes before, DOMA’s ruling allowed

can now use a fiancé visa to sponsor their partners to enter into the country legally and start the citizenship process. GLBT immigrants who overstayed their visas and are now undocumented can also benefit from DOMA’s repeal. While U.S. immigration law does not allow

Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of others, have been forced to end their relationships, because they could not legally live together anywhere in the world. the couple to remain together in the country. Thousands of GLBT couples will continue to feel the impact, including those who were married in a state that recognizes marriage equality, but live in a non-equality state.

a person to change their status from lawful to unlawful residents, spouses are the exception to that rule. Finally, three years after married couples obtain their green cards, they can then apply to become U.S. citizens.

Even unmarried couples that are living in separate countries can reunite under the current bill. GLBT American citizens

For all GLBT Americans, this change in immigration law is huge. While there are 40,000 bi-national couples

currently living in the US, thousands of GLBT couples have left the country over the years so that they could live with the person that they love. Thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of others, have been forced to end their relationships, because they could not legally live together anywhere in the world. While the repeal of DOMA is huge for immigration reform, it’s just a step towards immigration reform. Currently, if someone entered the country without inspection—meaning he or she crossed the border—the situation is more complicated. Usually, the person would have to leave the country and then apply for a green card, but would be banned from returning for between three to five years. GLBT Americans need Congress to act, just as the Senate acted, to pass immigration reform. Otherwise, just as DOMA made it impossible for the GLBT community to legally marry the ones they love, so too will the country’s broken immigration system.

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out on li Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) has been responsible for the growth, safety, and education of Long Island’s GLBT community for 20 years. For three gentlemen – Matthew “Matt” Cotty, James Fallarino, and Lambert Liu – LIGALY served as a “home away from home” and taught them they were not alone in being the only youth that was a member of the GLBT community. Each of these men have shared their experiences in growing up with LIGALY’s notable success, most especially in their formidable youth. “Being able to come back and work for LIGALY after developing my leadership and diversity education skills seemed like a great fit– and returning to my home area and the agency that started it all for me,” Matt shared. Matt recalled hiding his attraction to men until 10th grade, when his bisexual friend told him it is okay to be attracted to the same sex – and at 16, he decided to come out to friends and family. On his 17th birthday, Matt faced harassment from teens in his neighborhood. “[I] had a beer bottle thrown at my head from a group of kids speeding by in a car screaming ‘fag.’ It was that moment that I decided I needed to do something to put an end to the bullying.” He shortly learned about LIGALY and GayStraight Alliance (GSA) clubs and contacted LIGALY seeking help. Matt shared it was through talking to Robert Vitelli, currently The Network’s Chief Operating Officer, that he felt supported and comfortable – able to do what he has aspired, giving him courage. By his senior year, he presented at the LIGALY Conference. With help, Matt was also able to start the GSA in his high school, which is currently one of the largest on Long Island. He continued on to be involved in LIGALY’s Safe Schools Team. Today, over nine and half years later, Matt continues to educate youth about the GLBT community. He shared that seeing the youth grow and develop is an incredible reward, especially

Matt Cotty

James Fallarino

Lambert Liu

Director of Health Promotion and Education

Former Public Affairs Director

Health Counselor

Growing Up and Giving Back Y E S T E R D AY ’ S Y O U T H A R E T O D AY ’ S L E A D E R S I N L I G L B T A D V O C A C Y when he is able to provide the youth with a sense of community and family. “I truly feel that I owe my life and everything that I have become to LIGALY,” Matt confided. For James, the decision to return to the organization that has given so much to him as a youth was not a difficult one to make. “From the moment I was greeted at the door of LIGALY’s first Center on Main Street, I suddenly felt like I was a part of a community,” he remarked. Though he noted that his coming out experience was not difficult, James still felt that there was no one in his life that could truly relate to his experience as a gay youth. When he was a senior in high school, a speaker from LIGALY attended his peer leadership class. James shortly joined LIGALY’s Peer Education program in order to take his interests in community services toward his very own community, in which he helped plan the organization’s first Pride Gala Prom. While James was a senior at SUNY New Paltz, he learned of a job opportunity at LIGALY, and shortly joined the team in 2005 as a Safe Schools Coordinator. He has been part of the organization since. “I have met so many amazing young people that are working to make their schools and

communities safer, and found a second family in the staff, volunteers, and community members who make this organization what it is,” he shared. Lambert joined LIGALY’s Safe Schools Team in 2004, recognizing that he could not possibly turn away the opportunity to meet other GLBT youth from other Long Island high schools. While he admitted that the GSAs that were participating at the time were rather few, Lambert reminisced on a significant memory. The Jericho high-school alum and their GSA volunteered to sew a rainbow flag, the base for LIGALY’s rainbow quilt. “It wasn’t until local GSAs were invited to create patches to attach to our quilt that I started to fully appreciate the impact that we were having,” Lambert continued, “Then seeing the messages of hope and respect, of support and positivity, get glued, sewed, stapled, and pinned to that flag was breathtaking. This was a piece of handiwork that embodied the hope and respect of these GLBT and allied youth.” Lambert also shared that seeing the quilt fully realized– along with what it symbolized – greatly changed his view of social action. He returned to LIGALY through pursuing his Masters of Social Work at Stony Brook University, remarking that

he found great importance in gaining experience working with GLBT identified individuals in a therapeutic context before graduating. Lambert’s internship transformed into a Health Counselor position, in which he has the opportunity to expand his work to HIV prevention, paired with his clinical training and public health knowledge. “One of the most striking aspects of working with GLBT youth is the realization of how strongly sexual orientation and gender identity affect development. It is important to mention, however, that this is not inherent to GLBT identity itself, but is indicative of the struggles facing people of these identities,” Lambert shared, “Very few populations are faced with persistent, negative messages about the legitimacy, acceptability, and morality of their feelings and identities. As a result, much of the work consists of undoing the harmful messages that our youth are encountering on a day-to-day basis.” Hoping to one day open a psychoanalytic practice with a focus in Jungian analytical psychology, Lambert looks forward to growing with LIGALY even more, “I hope that in another 20 years, LIGALY and the Network will continue to experience the tremendous growth that it has in the past 20 years.”

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It can be hard to be young, but thanks to great organizations like GLSEN, the It Gets Better Project, Point Foundation, Teach For America, and The Trevor Project, we’re all working together to bring help and hope to all young people. Let’s keep making it better. Learn more about Wells Fargo’s commitment to the LGBT community at wellsfargo.com/itgetsbetter. H A P P Y P R I D E F R O M W E L L S FA R G O A ND OUR COMMUNIT Y A LLI A NCES

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long island pride sets record attendance Over 13,000 Long Islanders came to the 23rd Annual Long Island Pride Parade and PrideFest in Huntington and Heckscher Park on Saturday, June 8, 2013. Long Island Pride 2013, sponsored by Bethpage Federal Credit Union, is the largest event of the year for its GLBT and allied community. The Parade kicked off along its new route on Main Street and Park Avenue in Huntington at 12pm; 55 marching groups, more contingents than ever before in Long Island Pride’s history, marched to cheering crowds all the way to the entrance of Heckscher Park. This year’s Grand Marshals leading the march were Huntington Supervisor Frank Petrone, business owner and restauranteur Ralph Colamussi, and Donaldsons Suburu. Sunshine dried the heavy rains of the day before just in time for PrideFest, an all-day festival in Heckscher Park from 1-6pm. The entertainment lineup contained local and national talent, including Debbie Gibson, Janice Robinson, Robin S., Amber Ferrari,

SIRPAUL, DJ Fog, and LIGALY’s Got Big Talent winners At Most Fear. Host Aunt Barbara, the nation’s leading Tupperware Consultant had the crowd in stitches all day long as she brought a humor and delivery that only she can bring. In true festival fashion, PrideFest featured a lot more than musical performances: attendees visited the Beer and Wine Garden, packed the TD Bank VIP Lounge for refreshment and the most comfortable, best view of the stage, enjoyed carnival style fare from 15 different food trucks and stands, went to over 60 booths of GLBT-friendly businesses, organizations, and community groups. The event also featured a Health Pavilion that included free, quick, and confidential HIV/ STI screenings, a children’s play area, and information about local programs and services for GLBT people of all ages. The 2014 Long Island Pride celebration will take place on Saturday, June 14th.

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out and about

Princess Leia’s Mother Strikes Back book review

by mike canestraro

THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.

Unsinkable, A Memoir

Debbie Reynolds and Dorian Hannaway William Morrow; New York, NY. Amazon: $19.78, ISBN-10: 0062213652

Wishful Drinking

Carrie Fisher Simon & Schuster; New York, NY. Amazon: $11.18, ISBN-10: 143915371X

In Wishful Drinking, her one-woman stage show based on her book of the same name, Carrie Fisher praises her mother Debbie Reynolds as an icon. “Well,” Fisher adds slyly, “a gay icon […] but you take your iconic stature where you can get it.” Currently on The New York Times best seller list is Reynold’s continuation of her 1988 autobiography Debbie: My Story. Much slimmer than the earlier work, Unsinkable deals with everything that has happened to Reynolds, and her children Carrie and Todd Fisher, in the almost 30 years which has passed between publications. Named for both her famous turn as The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964) and her own indomitable nature, this breezy book takes on more tales of her Hollywood experiences with special commentary on each of her films, and mostly fond recollections of co-stars and famous friends. Reynolds has managed to retain her incredible sense of humor after three highly publicized, disastrous marriages, including the still white-hot scandal of her first, when Eddie Fisher left her with two infants to raise on her own to “travel down the Nile” (in Reynold’s own words) with Elizabeth Taylor. Somehow, Reynolds managed to maintain a warm friendship with Taylor until the day she died. Carrie Fisher, in her own tale of film-land woes and trials of a life lived in the public eye, is even more hilarious than her mom. Fisher deals with her tangled family history and her own failed relationships with insightful self-mockery. On her bipolar disorder, the once and future Princess Leia declares, “I feel very sane about how crazy I am.” For those who can’t find time to read Wishful Drinking, Carrie starred in an acclaimed one-woman show on Broadway that was filmed for broadcast on HBO and DVD. She enters tossing glitter at the audience while singing a powerful “Happy Days Are Here Again” and proceeds to deconstruct her parents’ various marriages. When asked by her own daughter if she was related in any way to one of Elizabeth Taylor’s grandchildren, Carrie ends the tale with, “Yes. You are related by scandal!” Ultimately, no matter what life throws at mother and daughter, both will come back with a great line to make us laugh with them. Reynolds remains popular and there is certainly a special place for her and for all she has done to preserve costumes and memorabilia from Hollywood’s Golden Age. Reynolds has also gone on record saying that when she dies she wants to be stuffed like Trigger. “Fans can stick a quarter in me and I’ll sing ‘Tammy.’” You can bet that quarter that if anyone can pull off such a stunt, it will be the unsinkable Debbie Reynolds.

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©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify. 0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013 LIVING OUT

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out and about music

By chris azzopardi

Not Just for Fun. Guitarist Jack Antonoff on GLBT Activism, Human Rights & Music

gonna be political, do you worry you’ll be offending people who are coming to your shows?” And the answer for us is, “Well, if anyone has a problem with us, then they’re homophobic and hateful, and we’re glad to not have them come to our shows.” (Laughs) It’s not like people are coming up slamming their fists down and being like, “Stop redefining the family.” We never get that. We get people saying, “I don’t really know why this issue matters.” You’re on the road through the rest of the year. How does Fun. have fun on the road?

You’re one of the gay community’s biggest supporters, and you’ve been very outspoken about it. When and why did gay issues become so important to you? I wish there was a great story or a poetic answer, but I just don’t know how anyone could not be outspoken and enraged with any violation of human rights. If the government decided tomorrow to strip Jews or African Americans of certain rights, no one would say, “How did you get involved with Jews’ human rights, blah blah blah?” It would just be this universal violation that we would all be up in arms about. But the issue of gay, bisexual, and trans rights—the discrimination is so ingrained in us that it’s this slow-moving process of people realizing how shameful it is, the way we treat our citizens. It’s hard for some people to understand that you don’t have to be gay to care about gay people. Is that the case for you and the band? One-hundred percent. That’s the big thing: We’re less concerned with the Westboro Baptist Church than we are with just the average American who has a good heart and is pretty smart but isn’t completely educated on the issues, and if this person knew everything, would stand up and fight. I think most Americans have no issue with homosexuality or gay people. They just think, “Oh, they have civil unions; we have marriage—what’s the difference? Who cares.” They don’t realize that 1,00014

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plus rights are denied. They don’t think of adoption rights or workers’ comp rights. Connecting all the dots is a huge thing and there’s a difference between people being like, “Yeah, I think gay people should be equal” versus really making a big deal out of it and really thinking about it when they vote. The reason for the band speaking out is, if you have any sort of stage or soapbox in 2013 in America —and really anywhere in the world—you should be using that to discuss human rights. So as a celebrity you have a responsibility to speak up? Absolutely. It’s a weird life. Public figures deserve privacy. They don’t deserve to be thrown into the fire just because they have an audience. I mean, we’re out here because we’re artists, we’re songwriters. What I do is what I am and I would understand if someone only wanted to put out what they’re there to put out. But at the same time, it’s 2013; we have all the information and we’ve seen the effects of homophobia and transphobia, and we’ve seen the effects of denying citizens’ rights. It’s just a time where I don’t think any of us have the luxury to not stand up. As a straight ally in the fight for gay rights, what effect do you think you have on the gay rights movement that you wouldn’t if you were gay? It’s all about the power we each have based on who we are and where we come from. Obviously, GLBT people have the power that comes with

being oppressed. Those who are denied rights have the most inspiring voice in fighting for them. But beyond that, there is a distinct power that comes with being a person who is not denied rights but still cares and will fight for them as if they were their own rights. Furthermore, being someone who others presume wouldn’t care, or even opposes gay rights, gives you an even greater power in speaking up for gay rights. Being straight QUOTED and standing up for gay rights is a statement that says “This is everyone’s issue.” We are not all free unless we are all free. Just because I was born into the elite class of people who have maximum rights does not mean that I won’t fight as if it were me being denied rights.

We’re really square. Our definition of fun at this point is just taking care of ourselves. We all get great joy out of not eating disgusting food, getting a lot of sleep, and going to the movies. But our schedules have been so completely insane, so the great enjoyment aside from playing—which is the greatest joy of all—is just trying to be like a normal person out there and not like you’re on Mars.

in general: the very fact that there’s an opposition in general that creates an amazing community within the gay community. You can’t really find that anywhere else. It’s inspiring. Were any of the songs on Some Nights written with the gay community in mind? Not initially and not directly, besides “One Foot,” which talks about being in the closet and the church and the offensive things that come out of there. But the theme of the album is about feeling separate and down yet carrying on and moving on. “Carry On” speaks to the same issues that gay people go through, which is a lot of the same issues that a lot of people go through. I don’t have to tell you this, but this next album will be a crucial one for you. You have six Grammy nominations to live up to. What’s your game plan for the third album? (Laughs) We haven’t really begun yet, because we have this theory. We’ve all been at this for, like, 12 years (in different bands) and there’s always this crazy hunger to work on new material. When you work on new material while you’re out promoting your current album, it becomes like this inside joke —we’re out there playing and imagining a new song that (we’re) not sharing with our audience. So we made a conscious effort to stay in Some Nights mode because if we thought too much about the future or worked too much on new songs, it would be like making out with the person you’re with and imagining someone else. We’d be cheating on our audience. That might sound pathetic, but the point is, we’re playing our biggest shows ever, people are really excited over this album, and we’re gonna deliver best if we stay here.

“If anyone has a problem with us, then they’re homophobic and hateful, and we’re glad to not have them come to our shows.”

If Fun. were a band 30 years ago and came out in favor of gay rights, you probably would have jeopardized your career. What does it say about this time that you’re able to stand up and still maintain a significant fan base? We get asked, “If you guys are

There are a lot of queer people who look at “We Are Young” as an anthem of liberation and individuality. How does it feel knowing you’ve written the theme song for a new generation of not just youth but queer youth? That’s just the coolest thing I’ve ever heard, because it’s always subcultures—it’s always people who are oppressed—that are the most vibrant. That’s part of the reason why I feel so drawn to the gay community

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show your pride

calendar of events Have an event your organization wants listed here? Email editor@livingoutli.org!

Line Dancing Wednesday, July 17, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City $5 admission, call SAGE-LI to RSVP www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Annual SAGE-LI Mingle and Meschutt Beach Potluck Party Thursday, July 25, 3:00p.m. The Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Avenue, Hampton Bays, NY 11946 Mingle from 3pm-4:30pm and then join us for a beautiful sunset at our annual Meschutt Beach Potluck Party, located on the east side of the Shinnecock Canal at Canal Road and Old North Highway. www. sageli.org, 631.665.2300

Bay Shore High School: Class of 2003 Reunion Saturday, August 10, 7:30p.m. Molly Malone’s Pub & Restaurant, Bay Shore, NY The Bay Shore H.S. Class of ‘03 invites alumni to join them at their 10th Reunion! For more information, contact Ricayla Brissett-Mast at 850.320.6957.

AlAnon Wednesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

AlAnon Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Closed group for all ages. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Alcoholics Anonymous Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

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Aleph 2.0 4th Mondays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

The Aleph 2.0 Project supports LGBT Jewish young adults in their 20s and 30s, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Aleph Project Youth Meetings Thursdays, 5:30-7 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City The Aleph Project supports LGBT Jewish youth, their friends and allies, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Brother2Brother 1st Thursday of the month, 7-8 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Co-Dependents Anonymous Thursdays, 7:30-9 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 12-step group for those who desire healthy and loving relationships. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Garden City Mingle Tuesdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden City. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Hampton Bays Mingle 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 3-5 p.m. Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the East End. www. sageli.org, 631.665.2300

LIFE in Nassau 2nd Thursdays, 6:30-9 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Monthly BDSM Discussion Group. www.lifeinnassau.org

LIGALY Advisory Board Mondays, 5-7 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Bowl Long Island, 138 West Rd., Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League. LIPSAbowling@ optonline.net, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group Wednesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st and 3rd Mondays, 8-9pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Living PositHIVly 2nd and 4th Thursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City A support group for GLBT people living with HIV/AIDS. www. liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Monday Mingle Mondays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore, SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

OUTlet Fridays, 8 p.m.-midnight The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends ages 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Parent Support Group 1st and 3rd Thursdays, 6-7 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 2nd and 4th Mondays, 6-7 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Suffolk Thursdays, 6-8 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly. org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7-8:30 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

TRUE Social Discussion Group 4th Fridays, 6-7:30 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www. ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

TRUE Calling Youth Video Project Tuesdays, 5 p.m. The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110, Garden City LIGALY is offering a great opportunity for black and Latino gay and bisexual youth and their friends to show off their skills! Sing, act, dance, or perform. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Women 2 Women Tuesdays, 7:15-8:45 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

W2W is dedicated to providing a safe and supportive space for lesbians age 40+. www.w2wli. org, 631.921.8368

SAVE THE DATE Celebrate the grand opening of The Hamptons GLBT Center, the first of its kind for the East End! BBON CUTTING

ATTEND THE RI

SATURDAY AUGUST 10 4:00-6:00UpRCmH

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More information: liglbtnetwork.org

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be scene

Missed last month’s Pride Guide issue of Living Out?

long island pride

2013

read it online at www.livingoutli.org your pride guide table of contents

LI Pride History

This Year’s Theme

long island pride!

Pride Over the Years 2013 Grand Marshals TD Bank VIP Lounge

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24 24 25

PrideFest Entertainm

ent

Where to Go GLBT Superheroes

Pride Recipes

What to Bring

28 31 32

PrideFest Fashion RuPaul’s best Queens Who to Know

Super Allies

Special Thanks living out

saturday, june 8, 2013 in huntington over 13,000 glbt and allied community members came to huntington for the 23rd annual long island pride parade and pridefest, presented by bethpage federal credit union! Long Islanders cheered along the sidelines for the parade, which featured 55 marching groups, floats, and vehicles; the all-day entertainment lineup during PrideFest in Heckscher Park brought Debbie Gibson, Robin S., Janice Robinson, and other top national and local talent, plus community booths, activities for kids and families, beer and wine, the TD Bank VIP Lounge, and much more.

Loud and proud youth led the parade down Main Street on its new route.

Bethpage FCU, Pride’s Presenting Sponsor, at PrideFest.

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38 40 42 45 45

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Debbie Gibson returns home to LI for a stunning performance.

Robin S. dominates Pride with her powerhouse vocals.

Janice Robinson raptures the crowd.

More than 13,000 GLBT and allied Long Islanders packed Heckscher Park to celebrate and show their Pride.

see more photos from this year’s pride parade and pridefest: lipride.org/photos

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be scene ligalyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 14th annual glbt prom

thursday, june 27, 2013 at the Historical Thatched Cottage More than 150 youth from all over Long Island gathered at the Historical Thatched Cottage in Centerport to enjoy an unforgettable night that celebrates their diversity in a safe and welcoming prom environment.

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We’re proud. At UJA-Federation, we’re proud to support a community in which everyone is welcome to love whomever they choose. We’re proud of our programs that provide support and safe spaces for gay men, women, and teens throughout the New York area. Most of all, we’re proud of you. The LGBT community is living proof of what it means to fight for recognition, respect, and justice. At UJA-Federation, we’re proud to support programs that embrace Jewish identity and gay pride. Join us as we join you. Because we do so much good when we do it together. Call 1.866.852.3331 or visit www.ujafedny.org/lgbtq-Jews.

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out front

The remarkable 84-year-old Edie Windsor has won. The nation and the GLBT community has been following her powerful story and battle with the Supreme Court for months with anticipation and hope. Through her perseverance, the Supreme Court struck down a critical part of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on June 26, allowing legally married same-sex couples to have the same federal rights as heterosexual couples.

DOMA is DO

How Edie Winds Changed the Nat

The journey to this historic moment was not an easy one for Edie, who weighs just shy of 100 pounds and stands only five feet tall. “When I first saw the words Windsor v. United States, I was terrified,” Edie told ABC News’ Diane Sawyer in an interview. “I thought, ‘What have I done?’” What Edie did was set into motion one of the most historic civil rights victories for the GLBT community ever and inspire groups to continue the fight for full equality and recognition. But perhaps more importantly, what Edie did was share a powerful and touching story of true love, putting a face to the couples most affected by anti-GLBT legislation.

A Love Story Edie Windsor and her late wife, Thea Spyer, shared their lives together for 42 years. Their story was not exactly love at first sight. Edie, who had lived in the West side, would go out to whichever lesbian bars her friends recommended in the area, and by chance she crossed paths with Thea when a friend had brought her along. Over the course of two years, they continued to meet at various parties and always danced together. “We danced together that [first] night, and I wore a hole in my stockings,” Edie shared, “It was like magnets – as soon as we got close enough, we danced. And then we forgot all about each other in between.”

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LIVING OUT

CELEBRATING PROUDLY Across the steps of the Supreme Court and throughout the nation, GLBT and allied people were full of joy at the huge victory.

In May 1965, Edie and Thea became more than occasional dancing partners: the two started dating and became engaged by 1967. Edie continued working as a senior programmer at IBM and Thea as a clinical psychologist, and to avoid raising suspicion in their heteronormative workplaces, Edie wore a circular diamond broach instead of an engagement band. In 1977, after 12 years together, Thea was diagnosed with progressive Multiple Sclerosis (MS). In 2002, Thea was diagnosed with aortic stenosis. “It gradually changed the way we lived,” Edie shared. In 2006, after finding out from her doctor that she did not have very long left to live, Thea asked Edie the following morning if she still wanted to get married. Edie said yes. After a 40-year engagement, they finally married in Canada in 2007 and returned to their home in New York. “Something like three weeks before Thea died, she said, ‘Jesus, we’re still

in love, aren’t we?’” Edie reminisced fondly. “It was a love affair that kept going on and on and on.” “When my beautiful, sparkling Thea died in February 2009, I was overcome with grief. Within a month I was hospitalized with a heart attack characterized as ‘broken heart syndrome.’” Edie shared, “Grieving and ill, I had to contend the immediate effects of that cruelly misnamed Defense of Marriage Act.” For Edie and widows like her, DOMA meant that the federal government saw her as little more than a stranger, and not a partner of 40 years dealing with tremendous loss. Though New York courts had already recognized “foreign same-sex marriages” as valid in the state in 2009, the federal government was allowed to tax Edie’s inheritance from Thea as a result of DOMA. For straight couples under the federal law, a spouse who dies can leave his or her assets, including the home, to the other spouse without incurring estate taxes. Edie, however,

was consequently forced to pay over $363,000 in estate taxes – a tax that would not be required of a heterosexual married couple, or as Edie says, “if Thea was Theo.”

The Defense of Marriage Act DOMA passed both houses of Congress and was signed into law by President Bill Clinton in September 1996 as a means to restrict federal marriage benefits and inter-state marriage recognition to only heterosexual marriages. More specifically, Section Three of DOMA rules the non-recognition of same-sex marriages and federal benefits such as insurance, Social Security benefits, immigration sponsorship and protections, joint tax returns, military family benefits, healthcare benefits, and hospital visitation rights– even if the same-sex couple is considered legally married by their home state. Since its passage, Clinton has

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out front

ONE:

sor tion

HONORING TRUE LOVE Edie said Thea (left) was a motivation and source of strength during her Supreme Court fight.

changed his position and even strongly advocated for DOMA’s repeal when President Obama announced in 2011 that he and his administration found Section Three to be unconstitutional. Section Three of DOMA had been found unconstitutional in eight federal courts, in addition to the First and Second Circuit Court of Appeals. With the help of the international law firm, Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP and the ACLU, Windsor filed the case in the US District Court for the Southern District of New York. Though US Attorney General Eric Holder noted that the court could no longer defend the constitutionality of Section Three of DOMA in February 2011, Bipartisan Legal Advisory Group (BLAG) representative, Paul Clement, filed a motion to intervene in order to defend the constitutionality of Section Three. In July 2011, New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman filed a brief in support of Windsor’s claim as BLAG continued to oppose such claims. In June 2012, Judge Barbara S. Jones rule that Section Three of DOMA is

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unconstitutional and violated the Windsor’s rights under the Equal Protections clause, ordering that Windsor receive the tax refund. A few days later, the Justice Department filed a notice of appeal, in support of BLAG’s defense. In July 2012, Windsor’s attorney filed a petition of certiorari before judgment, asking the case be considered without waiting for the Second Circuit’s review. In October 2012, the Second Circuit struck down DOMA under the New York Civil Liberties Union (NYCLU) and ACLU’s Windsor v. United States case, noting that when the government discriminates against the GLBT community, it should be presumed as unconstitutional, resulting in a higher review of sexual orientation discrimination. Edie and her lawyer Roberta Kaplan, regarded as one of the most influential lawyers in the United States today, began their oral arguments before the Supreme Court in March. What followed were months of anticipation, worry, and hope, not just by Edie but by samesex couples across the nation.

DOMA’s Demise On June 26, after weeks of speculation about which day the historic decisions would come down, the moment had arrived. Edie was joined by close friends at Kaplan’s Manhattan apartment with a laptop, awaiting the news. In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court struck down DOMA, finding it unconstitutional because it deprives the GLBT community of the equal liberty of persons that is protected by the Fifth Amendment.

I thought about gay couples no longer having to defend the legitimacy of their families. I thought about the beginning of the end of stigma, and ultimately the end of abuse and bashing and internalized homophobia and lying about who we are– and suicides.

The room exploded in screams and sobs, and Kaplan held Edie and kissed her head as Edie cried. Even Justice Scalia’s scathing dissent could not put a damper on the excitement felt by all. “I want to go to Stonewall right now!” Edie exclaimed.

President Obama called Edie to offer his congratulations, and in turn Edie thanked him for his support, which Edie believes truly made a difference throughout the country. CONTINUED ON PAGE 25

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out front

EDIE ON LONG ISLAND Edie Windsor delivers remarks at LIGALY’s 20th Anniversary Gala in May 2013 (left). Democratic Leader and US Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi embraces Edie at LIGALY Gala (right).

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 23

Edie later got her wish: by the afternoon, Edie was in front of the legendary Stonewall Inn, celebrating the ruling with hundreds. “I think the last three years of all of our coming out has been thrilling and exciting and has made us so much more of a community – so much more powerful and loving than I could have ever dreamed,” Edie said at the rally, “Thank you for every ounce of support.”

“One of the things I felt did not have to do with the money but had to do with…with my country is not giving dignity to this beautiful person I lived with,” Windsor said. “And today, my country gave dignity and appreciated who she was.” For many same-sex married couples, federal recognition helped them feel one step closer to breaking the bonds of second-class citizenship. Hours after the decision, almost 100 community members – mostly couples already married in New York

or about to marry – celebrated with cheers and tears at The Center at Garden City.

commitment and love like nothing else in the world. And it’s known all over the world. I mean, wherever you go, if you’re married, that means something to people, and it meant a difference in feeling the next day. And I’ve asked everybody since who gets married after long-term relationships, ‘Did it feel different the next day?’ and the answer is always ‘Yes, absolutely.’”

There is a beautifully simple reason why Long Islanders and the nation came out to celebrate and show support the night of June 26, and Edie herself said it best. In an interview with NPR in March just before the Supreme Court began hearing her landmark case, she remarked, “The fact is, marriage is this magic thing. I mean forget all the financial stuff — marriage symbolizes

Edie’s heroic journey will forever help more Americans better experience that magic. – Meryl Lumba

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5/23/13 7:28 AM

living smart parenting

ask laurie

by laurie segal

The Daze of Summer The end of school and the start of summer programs are often filled with excitement and anticipation. This can also be a time of tension and trepidation. The shift to summer awakens many thoughts and feelings for children and parents alike. Parents can limit the stress children experience during this transition by preparing themselves and their children for the changes ahead. Here are some age-appropriate tips!

Children Ages 2-5 Explain to children how you are going to help them with all their feelings about this time of year by talking and planning for the changes together.

Children Ages 6-9

Talk about how it is normal to feel like a big kid one minute and a little kid the next.

Generally speaking, elementary schools do a good job preparing children for the end of school. The developmental focus for children this age is about “fitting in.” Therefore, assure children that the feelings they are having are normal and that their friends are feeling the same things, too.

Young children feel secure when things stay the same, so during times of change keep as much daily structure in place as possible (bedtime, meal times, rules, etc.)

Review the school year and point out all their social, academic, athletic, and artistic accomplishments that seemed so difficult at the beginning of the year.

Try not to start any developmental task such as toilet training or moving to a new bed during the height of the transition.

If you trust a summer program enough to send your child, trust them to handle the variety of issues that come up during the summer.

Allow children to talk on the phone and make play dates with school friends at the start, and end, of summer. This will help alleviate their anxiety about losing friends and not fitting in when school begins again in the fall.

Do not get overly involved in negotiating things for your child during the camp season. It will embarrass your child and send a message that they are incapable of handling these things on their own.

Children can be more sensitive than usual about the artwork and “stuff” that grows in their backpack this time of year, so be careful about throwing things out.

Children Ages 10 and up Summertime represents freedom. Strike a balance between loosening up the reigns a little and sticking to limits and behavioral expectations. Summer programs provide an ideal setting for teens to try out new identities while apart from family and school friends. It is typical for teens away at camp to feel homesick and long for visiting day, only to wish for the visit to end so they can return to their “camp world.” Do not take it personally when teens act as if you are terribly flawed. It is their way of coping with missing, anger, and confusion. Their ability to express “negative” feelings is a reflection of the trust they have in their relationship with you. Do not lose your sense of humor. Tell children about the anxieties you had transitioning to adulthood. Share honest experiences from your adolescence, in all of its awkward glory, and your teen will feel more connected to you. Spend time alone together. Teens will rarely admit that they value the time together.

In closing... try to have a carefree summer, but watch for the warning signs! Keep an eye out for normal signs of stress, which may be difficult to detect because children cannot always express what they are feeling directly. Warning signs might include: nightmares, aggressive or regressive behavior, physical complaints, changes in mood, sleep or appetite, withdrawal, and separation anxiety. Do not panic if you see signs of stress. Be prepared and speak in a calm way about all of the issues mentioned above. The symptoms are likely to fade by the fall!

wellness

by dr. bill blazey

Take note of your medications, which can affect your sun sensitivity. Certain medications, especially some antibiotics, can cause people to be very sensitive to the sun. Ask your doctor if you should be more careful with sun exposure.

When wearing sunblock, you should check its SPF level, waterproof ability, and ingredients. The SPF will tell you an estimate of how well it will block the harmful UV light from your skin. The higher the SPF level, the less UV light will be able to affect you. Even if it is “waterproof,” you should reapply it after a long swim in the pool. A good rule of thumb is to reapply your sunblock at every two hours so it gives you adequate protection. Check out the ingredients to make sure that you are not allergic. If your sunblock is more than a year old, it likely will have lost much of its protection.

Wearing sunblock, avoiding sun exposure during the midday, and covering yourself are three key ways you can prevent sun damage. Have a friend take a look and make sure that you completely applied the sunblock and that your skin is covered.

Avoid prolonged sun exposure from late morning through noon. If you must be outside during this time, then wear loose clothing and a wide-brimmed hat to shield yourself from the sun. Wearing sunglasses that are certified to block UV light can protect your eyes.

Dear Laurie, My mother passed away a month ago. Can you please give me some suggestions as to how I should handle discussing her death with my kids? Parents need to make a plan on how to discuss difficult issues, such as death, with children. One of the most important factors in deciding what to say depends upon where the child is developmentally. Contrary to what many may think, the younger the child, the greater the impact on him or her. Older children may exhibit external symptoms, but younger children may internalize the situation. There are many things parents can do to help children understand and deal with death. Obviously, the closer the person was to the child, the more time and depth it will take to manage the situation. Prepare ahead of time, short, simple answers to the many questions you can predict they will ask. Break down the information into manageable segments, discussing the full range of feelings as you go. Generally speaking, children should be celebrating life. In the event of a death, this ideology should still follow. Always, allow time for questions. Sorry for your loss, and best of luck to you and your family.

Too much sun exposure can lead to early aging, even without a sunburn! ncer Society

– American Ca

about the author: William R. Blazey, D.O. is an assistant professor of Family Medicine at NYIT’s College of Osteopathic Medicine.

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“I thought all funeral homes conduct cremations the same. Boy, was I wrong.” Many people think all cremation providers are alike, until they hear terrible stories in the news about families who weren’t treated right. Our funeral home is the exclusive provider in our area to offer Cremation with Confidence™. This means we commit to a 10-step process in taking care of cremation. We are so committed, we offer the Cremation with Confidence™ Guarantee. Having served families for many years, we know how important it is to have peace of mind. Here at Moloney Family Funeral Homes, we have taken care of all the details.

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Serving all of Long Island with locations in: Central Islip, Holbrook, Hauppauge, Bohemia, Lake Ronkonkoma, and Port Jefferson Station LIVING OUT

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living smart travel

by joey amato

out destination: road trip Pack your bags, fuel up your tank, and get ready to head out on the most exciting gay adventures you can imagine…well, kind of! I decided to start on Interstate 40 from Nashville to Las Vegas and stop at a variety of cities along the way. Driving through Memphis, I recalled my time at the Peabody Hotel, sipping cocktails on Beale Street as I crossed the mighty Mississippi River into Arkansas.

don’t miss cadillac ranch, a cultural landmark and art installation in texas.

The next day, I packed up my suitcase and headed back out on the open road to Oklahoma City. OKC is not a destination one would initially think would be very gay friendly, but I actually found a gay resort close to the interstate.

within Oklahoma City, including a gayowned and operated coffee house and community center.

The nightlife options in and around Habana Inn are plentiful, from the venues on property to nearly a half-dozen other I discovered that Fort Smith, Arkansas Habana Inn is the largest gay resort in establishments located within walking had a small gay scene, so I decided to the Southwest and offers visitors 170 distance. My first stop was a small check it out. It’s not Fort Lauderdale or San hotel rooms, two swimming pools, two neighborhood bar called The Boom, Francisco, but there were a few gay bars, nightclubs, a restaurant, piano bar, and which served up inexpensive cocktails most notably, Club Kinkead’s. I actually gift shop, all conveniently located within and provided a welcoming environment. met a really cool guy who was willing to the same complex. After speaking with Directly across the street are Angles, show me the highlights of the city, which some members of the staff and other Tramps and Phoenix Rising. But if included a lookout point owned by the patrons, I was pleasantly surprised by the you choose to stay at the hotel, I suggest military set high upon a hilltop overlooking array of bars, clubs, and other attractions visiting The Copa for dancing and great Fort Smith. drag performances, or Finishline if you HISTORIC LANDMARK THEATER | SUPPER CLUB | LIVE PERFORMANCE are looking to kick off your boots and enjoy some beers and country music.

Everything is bigger in Texas and visitors to Amarillo must stop at The Big Texan. The iconic restaurant, located along the historic Route 66, is a legend within its own right. The restaurant and lodging complex has been featured on major cable television networks and has even been the target of Adam Richman’s Man vs. Food for its 72-ounce steak challenge.

and suites and is a clothing optional hotel complete with a Jacuzzi grotto, perfect for the cool Vegas nights. Blue Moon also features a full steam room, video room, complimentary continental breakfast, and Wi-Fi in addition to a spa, which offers a variety of skin care and waxing treatments.

The last stop on my road trip is Las Vegas. The Blue Moon Hotel is a boutique property that boasts 45 rooms

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1 Visit downtown Oklahoma City for a number of gay bars and clubs; 2 Enjoy a mouthwatering dinner at The Big Texan; 3 See if what happens in Vegas really stays in Vegas by ending your trip there.

Not too far away is Sidewinders, Albuquerque’s best dance bar. Serving the GLBT community for two decades, Sidewinders features one of the state’s largest dance floors.

Further on up the road is Amarillo, located in the heart of the Texas Panhandle. Cadillac Ranch is a public art installation and sculpture created in 1974 by Chip Lord, Hudson Marquez, and Doug Michels, and consists of junk Cadillac automobiles, representing a number of evolutions of the car line.

A few hours further west is Albuquerque, New Mexico. The Nob Hill neighborhood, located on the old Route 66 site, is the local gayborhood. There you will find a strip of gay clubs and bars, perfect for dancing and bar-hopping.

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The atmosphere at Blue Moon is vibrant and fun, however if you are looking for a show on the strip, I recommend Cirque du Soleil’s Zarkana, performing at the Aria Resort & Casino. Zarkana has been described as an “acrobatic rock experience that blends circus arts with the surreal to create a world where physical virtuosity rubs shoulders with the strange.” The show was the perfect way to end a fabulous trip across America, one which I will surely never forget. Be sure to keep a look out for a new all-male revue show named Men of the Strip, opening in Vegas later this year.

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Socialization/Group Meetings Meetings are open to anyone interested in joining FREE TO BE who are GLBT, questioning and gay-straight alliance. Meetings Include Guest Speakers, Event Planning, Open Discussion, and Social Events Next Meeting Date: July 30, 2013 Time: 4:30pm to 6:00pm

Location: FREE, 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 To learn more about FREE TO BE or to become a member, please contact us at freetobe@familyres.org Family Residences and Essential Enterprises, Inc. 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 www.familyres.org l 516-870-1637

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living smart

fashion

by matthew ambrosio

Labor Day Digs: Seeing Dots & Stripes Labor Day symbolizes the spirit of the American worker and the seasonal transition for fashion. I see Labor Day as an opportunity to not only pay homage to the history of the holiday, which originated more than a century ago, but also as a final time to try something new, fashion-wise, before the symbolic change of season occurs and summer fades to fall. The great thing is there really are no specific dress codes, which allows for even more freedom to choose what you want to wear. When I think of Labor FOR THE LADIES... Day fashion, I think classic and fun. However, after careful Polka dots remain a timeless favorite for all of thought, I have some specific suggestions that will us. The traditional look definitely give you the “fashion wow factor.” embedded in our minds is the

Try a wide brown leather belt with brown heels and pearl earrings to complement your polka dots!

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navy blue and white combo, but the polka dot pattern comes in a limitless amount of colors and variations. It is still summer, so display your choice with light and airy summer dresses that catch the wind, or add some edge and sex appeal with a slimmer fit that wraps the waist. So how do we accessorize this busy pattern? With colors that balance the pattern and compliment in color, such as nudes—and, of course, if you wish to turn some heads, a fiery red heel and matching belt will do the trick. Match the shade of your shoes to your lips to summon the classic “Hollywood glam beauty” persona within you.

FOR THE GENTS... Pick up a striped v-neck or round-neck tee with bold, highintensity colors to celebrate the end of a fashionable summer!

There is nothing more appropriate than seersucker, the perfect material for keeping cool due to its special weaving process. Try a checkered or striped pattern for a stylish, casual, and notably classy look. For those who prefer a formal guise, sport a full suit and don’t worry: The light and breathable fabric will not let you overheat. You can always take the jacket off and create a more relaxed look with a white shirt and tie. Have a blast with accessories. This understated fabric loves a pop of vivid color. There are no wrong choices, so make the style your own!

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living smart

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As a buyer of real estate, whether seasoned or not, constructing a team of professionals to guide you through the home-buying process is your most important ingredient. As with all large financial decisions, you need to ensure that you are working with experienced professionals who understand the laws, customs, and processes for your transaction.

The Mortgage Officer Selecting a mortgage officer to guide you through the myriad loan choices is crucial to your transaction: This member of your team works on the piece that will affect you long after you go to closing. A mortgage officer will take the pulse of your financial health. He or she will guide you through building budget, preparing credit, and setting your home purchase expectations. The mortgage officer should be your first call so that you can be pre-approved for a mortgage and be sure of your ability to purchase. A mortgage officer will work in tandem with your real estate agent to monitor the homes that you are viewing to be sure that he or she meets your budget constraints and overall financial goals. The mortgage officer will also work together with your real estate attorney to ensure that you are meeting all of your contractual deadlines. The person you select must be well-versed in credit—and its effect on your loan—the implications of your funds available, the structure of the financials in your purchase transaction, and the cash needed so that you are fully prepared for your closing.

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The real estate agent Hiring a buyer’s agent is one of the most important decisions you will make. Why? A buyer’s agent works for you, the buyer, while a listing agent works for the seller. The listing agent’s job is to get the seller the highest and best offer for the property. The listing agent’s fiduciary duty is to the seller. Anything and everything pertinent to the transaction relayed by you to the listing agent will be relayed to the seller for his or her benefit—not yours. The buyer’s agent works exclusively for you, and in turn, his or her fiduciary duty is to you and you alone. Your buyer’s agent works to help you find the property you desire based upon your required criteria, and he or she works with your loan officer to ensure that the price you are offering/paying for your property falls within your budget. The buyer’s agent will do a comparable search to ensure that your offer is in line with the proper pricing in the area that you are searching, and he or she will negotiate on your behalf to get you the transaction that best works for you.

Get in on the savings. Apply at lovebethpage.com, your local Bethpage branch or call 800-628-7070.

The attorney When looking for an attorney to represent you in a real estate transaction, it is imperative that you select an attorney who is fluent in real estate law. As with any specialty, a real estate attorney knows the pertinent laws for real estate transactions—and the important customs for your location. You would not hire a master plumber to do the work of a plastic surgeon, and as such, you must apply the same logic in selecting an attorney. A skilled real estate attorney knows the technical intricacies of contract law, builds upon the foundation that your real estate agent has established, and sees you through to the closing table.

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living smart

TECH TALK WITH JEFF MAIN

The battle over the hottest new gaming console is already raging well before the holiday-season release: will the Playstation 4 or the Xbox One come out on top? Here’s an in-depth comparison.

“Should I get the new Xbox One or the Playstation 4?” Hardware Both consoles share quite a bit of similarity: the PS4 and Xbox One each sport custom AMD chips and eight-core CPUs with 8GB of RAM. The real edge comes with motion sensors: Kinect 2.0 comes standard and seems superior to the PS4’s Eye, sold separately. Winner: Xbox One

Graphics Both new consoles have improved state-of-the-art graphics; it’s hard to say which is the clear winner. Winner: Tie

Juicy Lucy with Avocado and Bacon

Internet Connectivity Originally, Xbox One intended to require an Internet connection at least every 24 hours to play a game. After backlash from consumers, Microsoft stated that users will be able to play their games in the same way they do today, with or without an Internet connection. With this reversal, the PS4 and Xbox One are again on even ground. Winner: Tie

Divide fresh ground beef into 2-ounce balls, two balls per finished burger. Place the ball between 2 sheets of plastic wrap, then flatten the meat balls with the bottom of a skillet, pressing evenly and firmly. Carefully remove the patty from the plastic wrap. Rip up two slices of American cheese and place in the center of half of all of the patties. Place the remaining patties over the cheese-covered ones and pinch all the way around the edges several times until the seal is not visible. Season your patty and cook on the grill until well browned, about 2-3 minutes. Flip burger once and cook another 2 minutes. Place burger on toasted bun and top with smashed avocado and three pieces of thickly-sliced bacon.

Pre-Owned Titles Just as with past console upgrades, pre-owned titles will work on the new PS4; lend a game to a friend by simply passing along the disc. With the Xbox One, however, old titles will not work, meaning you’ll have to hold onto your Xbox 360 (or other model) if you wanna play old games. Winner: Playstation 4

Grilled Pound Cake with Espresso Chocolate Sauce

Other Features If you’re looking for a DVD/BluRay Player that doubles as an app-driven entertainment system, the Xbox One is for you. This new generation wants to be the “do-everything” device for your living room, which may be a good thing; it may offer too many bells and whistles for most gamers. Winner: Xbox One

Price Again, the Playstation 4 is the clear winner. The XBox is slated for a November release at $499, while the PS4 is an easier-on-the-wallet choice at $399. Winner: Playstation 4

The bottom line: Get the PS4 If you’re looking for the same great gaming system Playstation has offered, get the better improved PS4.

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honey-beer braised ribs Combine 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1 teaspoon pepper and 3/4 teaspoon salt, then rub over pork baby back ribs. Place ribs bone side down on a rack in a large shallow roasting pan. Drizzle with 1/4 cup of honey. Combine 12 ounces of beer with 1/4 cup cider vinegar; pour around ribs. Spoon some of the beer mixture over ribs.Cover tightly with foil and bake at 325° for 1 hour. Reduce heat to 250°; bake 2 hours longer or until tender. Drain ribs. Grill, covered, over medium heat for 10-15 minutes or until browned, turning and basting occasionally with barbecue sauce. Serve with remaining barbecue sauce.

Easily upgrade a storebought dessert: for a simple yet dazzling treat, top crisp grilled pound cake with a rich and creamy chocolate sauce and a sprinkling of pistachio nuts.

veggie-lover kabobs Create a marinade of 1/2 cup olive oil, 1/2 cup lemon or lime juice, 1/4 cup water, 1/4 cup Dijon mustard, 2 tablespoons maple syrup, 2 tablespoons minced garlic, 2 tablespoons chopped fresh basil leaves, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper. Chop cooked red potatoes, yellow or green bell peppers, red onions, zucchini, and cherry tomatoes into small chunks. Place vegetables in marinade and refrigerate for 2 hours. Remove vegetables and thread onto skewers, then cook on medium heat for about 10 minutes, basting with reserved marinade and turning occasionally.

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points of view op-ed

Pride events can be public displays of those disparities. Mainstream Prides have themes focused on marriage equality for the larger community where Prides organized by and for GLBT people of African descent have focused not only on HIV/AIDS but also unemployment, housing, violence, and youth homelessness.

by reverend Irene Monroe

By 1999, Black Pride events have grown into the International Federation of Black Prides, Inc. (IFBP). The IFBP is a coalition of 29 Black Pride organizations across the country. It formed to promote an African diasporic multicultural and multinational network of GLBT/ Same Gender Loving Pride events and community based organizations dedicated to building solidarity, health, and wellness and promoting unity throughout our communities. What started out in Los Angeles in 1988 as the only Black Gay Pride event in the country has grown to over 35 gatherings nationwide, giving attendees an important sense of identity and cultural heritage. Each year celebrations start in April and continue to October, with over 300,000 GLBT people of African descent celebrating and reaffirming their queer uniqueness. Sunday gospel brunches, Saturday night Poetry slams, Friday evening fashion shows, bid whist tournaments, house

parties, the smell of soul food and Caribbean cuisine, and the beautiful display of African art and clothing are just a few of the cultural markers that make Black Pride distinct from the dominant queer culture. Just like in the mainstream of American society, cultural acceptance and inclusion of the GLBT communities of color in larger Pride events is hard to come by. Many can experience social exclusion and invisibility in the big events.

Segments of our population will attend separate Black, Asian, and Latino Gay Pride events in search of the unity that is the hallmark of Pride. The themes and focus of Black, Asian, and Latino Pride events are different from the larger Pride events. Prides of communities of color focus on issues not solely pertaining to the GLBT community, but rather on social, economic, and health issues impacting their entire community. The growing distance between our larger, white GLBT community and the GLBT communities of color is shown by how, for an example, a health issue like HIV/AIDS that was once an entire GLBT community problem is now a challenge for communities of color.

Like the larger Pride events that go on during the month of June throughout the country, Black Pride need not be viewed as either a political statement or a senseless non-stop orgy of drinking, drugging, and sex. Such

Segments of our population will attend separate Black, Asian, and Latino Gay Pride events in search of the unity that is the hallmark of Pride.

Also, with advances such as hate crime laws, the repeal of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” and the legalization of same-sex marriage in many states, the GLBT movement has come a long way since the first Pride marches of over 40 years ago. Many note the perceived distance the GLBT community has traveled in such a short historic time—from a disenfranchised group on the fringe of America’s mainstream to a community now on the verge of equality. However, some are waving the cautionary finger within our community that not all are equal. 34

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an “either-or” viewpoint lessens our understanding of the connection of political action and celebratory acts of songs and dance for our fight for our civil rights. Black Pride contributes to that struggle for equality, demonstrating an African diasporic aspect of joy and celebration that symbolizes not only our uniqueness, but it also affirms our commonality as an expression of GLBT life in America.

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points of view

trans-missions

by gwen smith

Extreme Talk On the ninth of April, Tavares Spencer, a 16-year-old, lured a 22-year-old transgender woman known as Coko McDonald to a house in Tampa, Florida. There, he shot her twice, stole her purse, and may well have killed her had she not managed to get away. Spencer later bragged about his crime in text messages to his friends – messages that helped lead to his June 1st arrest. It was a news report of the arrest on Tampa, Florida’s local ABC affiliate that likely caught the ear of Jacksonville, Florida based talk-radio hosts Lex Staley and Terry James. Known as “Lex & Terry,” the duo have a program syndicated by Clear Channel and presented on SiriusXM as part of the Extreme Talk channel. The station markets itself as the home of “edgy entertaining talk shows.” Their show, labeled as “a unique blend of lifestyle advice, humor, and onair community” is geared towards a men in the 18-49 demographic. On Lex & Terry’s program on the third of June, they decided to discuss the shooting.

deaths for roughly 16 years now. In all that time, I’ve seen hundreds of cases where Lex & Terry’s demographic have killed a person in an apparent anti-transgender murder. Many of these killers have felt perfectly justified in what they did, and assume that no one, or at least their peers, would blame them. After some outcry over their on-air comments, Lex & Terry’s employers over at Clear Channel seemed to disagree with the duo. Angel Aristone, the Senior President of Marketing and Communications at Clear Channel Radio, said in a public statement, “Clear Channel Media and Entertainment does not condone the comment independently made by Lex & Terry regarding transgender individuals... the comment was thoughtless and unacceptable, and we sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by their remarks.”

s It was commenttlead like theirs tha ent to an environm where people feel blameless for shooting aerson. transgender p

“There’s a teen that shot a tranny after finding out that it was a man after they had a little sexual encounter,” spoke one. “I don’t blame him... I would have shot his ass too,” offered up his cohost. They had a knowing laugh and moved onto the next topic.

Now there’s one thing I feel it important to point out. McDonald has made it clear that she had disclosed being a transgender woman to Spencer prior to the ninth of April. He knew and decided to shoot her. It is not clear if they had much of any sexual encounter prior to the ninth of April. Regardless, there is no justification. So Lex & Terry decided this story of the attempted murder of a woman was somehow justified, and that in the same situation, at least one of the duo would have also pulled the trigger. Or maybe they just thought this was what their audience of 18-49 men would have wanted to hear. Frankly, I suspect that their audience would have agreed. I’ve been tracking anti-transgender

I applaud Clear Channel and SiriusXM for any steps they have taken to reprimand Lex & Terry. Lex & Terry, however, are only a symptom of a larger problem. Where they actually were condoning the murder of transgender people or simply providing what they felt their audience wanted to hear, there remains a large segment of the population who do indeed see no problem with attacks on transgender people. This is the environment that led Tavares Spencer to feel he could not only shoot another human being, but also brag about it to his friends. It’s neither Lex Staley nor Terry James who held that gun on the ninth of April, but it was comments like theirs that lead to an environment where people feel blameless for shooting a transgender person. We need to build a better world, one where Lex & Terry and their employers need not make apologies for bad behavior, because they understand before they open up their mouths that any person, transgender or otherwise, deserves to live their lives without fear.

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I want a world where transgender people like myself are not viewed as potential victims, and where it is made clear that it is never acceptable for us to be shot for who we are.

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5/30/13 2:27 PM

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