Issue 4, Volume 1: March 2013

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In THis Issue march 2013 - Volume 1, Issue 4 1 Cover

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2 donaldsons subaru 3 In this issue 4 letter from the editor 5 oraquick 6 in the news: national 7 in the news: interNational

8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

8 Out on LI: women making change 10 out on LI: nancy pelosi comes to LI 11 ligaly alumni reflect 12 movie reviews 13 book reviews

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

14 TV to watch 15 milgrim, mejias, and alvarado 16 calendar 18 Be Scene: Photo spread 20 Out front: david tutera 24 Living Healthy

24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

25 diy wedding makeup & fashion 26 st. patty’s day 27 travel: west hollywood 29 huntington bay dental 30 Points of view: youth of color in the boy scouts

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Living Out is produced

by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network with support from Morey Publishing, LLC.

31 Points of view: Trans-missions 32 free 33 women making change 34 thatched cottage 35 outspoken

livingout 400 Garden City Plaza, Suite 110 Garden City, NY 11530 516.323.0011

follow our lead Become a fan on Facebook at facebook.com/livingoutli or follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/livingoutli

stay in the know Keep connected at livingoutli.org

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David Kilmnick, Publisher info@livingoutli.org Meryl Lumba, editor editor@livingoutli.org Jeff Main, Art Director art@livingoutli.org Andrew Schleider, Advertising advertising@livingoutli.org

get published!

Want to join our team as a monthly contributor?

We’re looking for talented writers and photographers to get involved in Long Island’s newest GLBT publication!

Contributors Leah Schoen-Adams, Joey Amato, Matthew Ambrosio, Bill Blazey, Mike Canestraro, James Fallarino, Rev. Irene Monroe, Kirsten Rizzo, Rachel Roth, Laurie Segal, Gregg Shapiro, Gwen Smith, Andy Stern

apply to be a contributor Email editor@livingoutli.org!

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Letter from the editor Springtime is almost upon us as warmer temperatures begin to melt the snow of one of Long Island’s bitter winters, and our March issue of Living Out welcomes you in celebrating with us some of the things that come with sunshine and fresh beginnings: weddings and fashion.

It is amazing to think that marriage equality is still something so new in our state, and yet it is incredible to recognize all of the weddings that have taken place for GLBT Long Islanders and New Yorkers in the past year and a half. Thousands of same-sex couples have tied the knot and helped lead the way for other states to follow suit, and their triumph in getting married is so much more meaningful as countless other couples continue to demand justice across the country. Just as the fight for marriage equality has taken so much time to make a reality here in our community, it also takes time to plan a wedding—and we hope this lighthearted look at weddings will bring inspiration and a few laughs as well.

Living Out had the pleasure of interviewing David Tutera (page 20), a renowned and openly gay wedding and fashion consultant, who offered

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some insight into planning the perfect ceremony as well as what he has learned from his time on his hit television show, My Fair Wedding. As an out man in the media, David continues to show society that people should always stay true to themselves it also takes time to plan a wedding – and we and dream hope this lighthearted look at weddings will big—a mission that is relatable bring inspiration and a few laughs as well. for many at Living Out, and I imagine for our readers as well. friends for St. Patty’s Day (page 26), packing away

March also brings with it Women’s History those sweaters in exchange for some fresh threads (page 25), or a fun getaway trip with your partner Month, a time to highlight important women, (might we suggest West Hollywood? page 27). Get past and present, who have made improvements out, be proud, and tell us about your springtime for humankind. Living Out is getting local and plans… especially if there is a cake or bouquet in recognizing a few of the many Long Island women your future. who are making great change for the GLBT and allied community (page 8). These women have With Pride, made strides in having their voices heard and creating change, and now those stories will be shared with you.

Spring offers much to look forward to, whether it’s having a night on the town with some

Meryl Lumba, Editor, Living Out

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>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG ap_OQ8488_OraQuick_SanDiegoLGBTWkly_Oct2012.indd 1

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10/9/12 10:46 AM

In the news national News

By Rachel Roth

Pentagon to extend benefits to same-sex spouses The Pentagon announced last month that it has decided to extend new benefits to the spouses of gay personnel. According to the Associated Press, it is likely that the benefits will include housing privileges, access to base recreational facilities, and joint duty assignments for uniformed couples. However, the AP also reported that the Pentagon is unlikely to find a way to offer health-care coverage and more than 100 other spousal benefits while the Defense of Marriage Act—which defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman—remains in effect.

In related news, the President is considering issuing an Executive Order offering protections to gays and lesbians who work for government contractors if Congress does not pass broader legislation for protection of gays and lesbians in the workplace.

tenn. bill would out gay students Tennessee legislators can’t decide if schools should be able to “say gay” or not. In its latest iteration, the controversial “Don’t Say Gay” bill —now called the “Classroom Protection Act”—prohibits in grades kindergarten through eighth “classroom instruction or other informational resources that are inconsistent with natural human reproduction.”

The bill, authored by Senator Stacey Campfield (above), specifically excludes “answering in good faith” questions students ask. Instead, the student will have to see the school counselor and the conversation will then be reported to the student’s parent or guardian.

The Tennessee Equality Project questions the “chilling” effect on counseling when a student has personal questions of identity that need to be explored with care and discretion. They argue that, because counselors will be required to notify parents or guardians after counseling takes place, students will be left without any confidential resource in a place where they might be enduring bullying or other issues related to their sexuality or gender.

facebook users save “gay” dog

In what might have been a first, a man left his dog at a Jackson, Tennessee animal shelter because he believed the dog to be gay.

The healthy American Bulldog mix was scheduled to be put down when a woman, who only identifies herself as the “Jackson Madison Rabies Control Stalker,” put a post on her Facebook page about the dog.

“His owner threw him away bc he refuses to have a ‘gay’ dog!” she wrote. “Don’t let this gorgeous dog die [because] his owner is ignorant of normal dog behavior!”

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phelps’ family leaves westboro

paternity suit ends in birth certificate listing three parents

The Westboro Baptist Church, known for its inflammatory anti-GLBT demonstrations, has lost two high-profile members.

Granddaughters of the church’s founder and pastor, Fred Phelps Sr., announced their defection in an online statement.

In their statement, Megan PhelpsRoper and her younger sister, Grace, expressed regret for their past actions, but also admitted that it was difficult to leave behind the only life they had ever known.

“We know that we’ve done and said things that hurt people,” they wrote. “Inflicting pain on others wasn’t the goal, but it was one of the outcomes. We wish it weren’t so, and regret that hurt.”

Their decision has not been without consequences. According to the statement, the girls and their family are no longer speaking. “We know that we dearly love our family,” they said.

“They now consider us betrayers, and we are cut off from their lives, but we know they are wellintentioned. We will never not love them.”

Word spread quickly on the social media network and was eventually picked up by the blog, Gawker. The Tennessean reported that, as a result of Gawker’s story, the shelter was inundated with calls from people wanting to save the dog, who was quickly adopted by the canine rescue group WOOF Connections.

Miami Beach attorney Elizabeth Schwartz, who specializes in alternative families, suggests creating a legal document prior to conception that “would define everyone’s parental rights and clearly articulate the nature of everyone’s relationship to the child.”

A Miami-Dade circuit judge approved a private adoption allowing three people—a gay man and a married lesbian couple —to be listed on the birth certificate of their 23-month-old daughter.

This decision is the result of a two-year legal battle for paternity. According to the Miami Herald, the couple approached their friend, Massimiliano “Massimo” Gerina, and asked if he would father their child. He donated his sperm under the assumption that he would be able to participate in the child’s life. Shortly before their daughter was born, Maria Italiano and Cher Filippazzo presented Gerina with a document asking that he give up all rights to the child. Gerina objected to their request and hired an attorney.

Florida law specifies that sperm donors have no legal rights in artificial inseminations. Gerina, however, said he considered himself a parent, not simply a donor. The women, he claimed, “wanted a father for the baby, not just the sperm.”

Before the case was set to go to trial, the attorneys for all parties settled privately.

Miami-Dade Circuit Court Judge Antonio Marin approved the settlement and the court adoption clerk submitted paperwork for the child’s new birth certificate.

>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

In the news International News

By Rachel Roth

third-gender ids to be issued in nepal The government of Nepal will soon begin issuing third gender IDs for Nepali citizens who do not identify as male or female.

According to the Associated Press, Nepal’s Supreme Court voted in favor of third gender citizen certificates in 2007, but it has taken more than five years to implement the decision.

In late January, Nepal Home Ministry official Bhola Siwakot said that the order to issue third gender citizen certificates was sent to all district administration offices and that the ID will be available free of charge for anyone who wants it.

sochi olympics will test gay rights The 2014 Winter Olympics is set to take place in Sochi, Russia, where some of the most Draconian GLBT legislation is working its way through parliament. A number of openly GLBT athletes say they worry they will be forced to go back into the closet to avoid running afoul of the law.

Openly gay US figure skater, Johnny Weir,

Canadian government to review its funding of anti-gay evangelical group The Canadian government has announced plans to review its funding of an anti-gay evangelical organization which describes homosexuality as a “perversion.”

Even though Canada’s Foreign Affairs Minister, John Baird, has denounced homophobia in Uganda and the country’s plans for an anti-gay law which includes the death penalty for “aggravated homosexuality,” the Crossroads Christian Communications (CCC) has received $544,813 from the Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA).

The minister responsible for CIDA, Julian Fantino, was made aware of the situation and Tweeted to say that he had asked the organization to be put under review.

spends a lot time in Russia and has some advice for his fellow athletes. “Watch what you do when you leave the [Olympic] Village, don’t be aggressive, don’t wear a big rainbow flag fur coat,” Weir said.

As Gay Life has previously reported, the bill, which is expected to pass, would outlaw “homosexual propaganda” making public events that promote gay rights and public displays of affection by same-sex couples illegal. St. Petersburg and a number of other Russian cities already have similar laws.

britain steps closer to marriage equality The House of Commons voted 400-175 in favor of allowing same-sex couples to wed in the UK. According to the BBC, there was a slight majority of Conservatives: 136 voted to kill the legislation and 127 were in favor of the bill; 35 did not vote and five registered an abstention by voting both in favor and against. The bill, however, strongly backed Conservative leader, Prime Minister David Cameron.

The measure must still be approved by the House of Lords before it can become a law.

french govt. in “marathon” gay marriage debate D Ar guys who like guys e And GALS who like gAls, The controversial bill that would grant French gay and lesbian citizens the right to marry and adopt passed its first major hurdle last month.

Lawmakers overwhelmingly approved the most important article of the new law, redefining marriage as an agreement between two people of opposite or same sex.

France 24 reported that deputies met for a rare weekend session at the French parliament after it was decided that 14 consecutive days would be dedicated to working on the bill.

Despite a large protest against the bill in January, statistics show a growing majority support it with 63 percent in favor of marriage equality.

life, liberty And the pursuit of hAppiness begAn with Me.

P.S. Get your history strAight And your nightlife gAy.

Stay up to date with even more GLBT international news by visiting livingoutli.org!

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Dr. Beverly L. Boyarsky

resi cooper

kerrie o’neill

joanne borden

cathy renna

Long Island Women Making Change for the GLBT Community

Women have made great progress in the past decades – from the Suffrage movement to “Take Back the Night,” – and though their work have challenged society to confront what the meaning of the word “equality” truly means throughout the nation and the world. Long Island is no different. There are inspiring and powerful women working to ensure the needs of the GLBT community are addressed each and every day, either as members of the community or as outspoken allies.

Some of our advocates gathered their courage and drive to help others from their family; for others, they felt a strong urge to help represent oppressed minority groups. For almost all of these spotlighted women, however, they took their experiences combating sexism, homophobia, and transphobia, and channeled it into positive actions, growing inspired to change the communities they are a part of.

Dr. Beverly L. Boyarsky, a fifty-five-year old North Babylon resident, is an active interfaith minister and out and proud lesbian. Prior to her work in the religious and spiritual community on Long Island, she spent 25 years in public relations, an industry she believes had then been a predominantly male field. This experience presented challenges, as she feels her male coworkers did not respect her for her skills.

“I used the fact that I was a strong person, and especially a strong woman, to my advantage and eventually established my credibility as a go-getter and reliable contact for the press,” Dr. Boyarsky shared, “[But] I never really fit in.”

of how much work still has to happen for the GLBT community. “How many times do salespeople still call and ask to speak to my husband or the man of the house?” she named as an example.

Years later, Dr. Boyarsky finally received the recognition she deserved as an influential Long Islander when she was elected President of the Long Island Chapter of the International Association of Business Communicators. Despite this achievement, she realized that most of the discussion by participants in the back of the room regarded her sexual orientation. Overcome with emotions that her achievements were overshadowed by her sexual orientation, Dr. Boyarsky reflected on an incident that occurred at her time there.

“I started to remember one of the worst moments in my life. I faced a sexual harassment charge by one of my straight female employees in the late 90s.

Upper management believed [in my innocence] and the corporate lawyers had dismissed the case, but it truly caused me to distrust people for a long time.”

I used the fact that I was a strong woman to my advantage and eventually established my credibility...

In the search for acceptance, Dr. Boyarsky moved her career and her life from New Jersey to Long Island in the early 90s. Despite this, she still did not receive respect as a woman when she decided to pursue another passion, healthcare, instead of the maledominated PR realm. Soon after her arrival, Dr. Boyarsky’s supervisor at the healthcare facility confronted her about her sexuality.

The following month, she received a pink slip in the mail.

“When I asked my HR representative to accompany me to my lawyer, she refused because she said she would lose her job,” Dr. Boyarsky stated.

To this day, Dr. Boyarsky believes that she still does not receive respect in many aspects of her life; even when these events are wellintentioned, they can remind Dr. Boyarsky 8

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Looking at Dr. Boyarsky today, however, and one does not see a woman who distrusts others or who struggled for acceptance across three different careers. She is an active voice for inclusion and acceptance of all people through her work in faith communities and a proud minister to same-sex couples getting married. She has also been the Associate Director of the Gay of Games IV, a volunteer for The Long Island GLBT Center, and other community groups.

Dr. Boyarsky’s 22 year long work for the GLBT community truly showcases her dedication to advocacy and the arts, and her passion for bringing about social change continues: she remarked that every day, she looks for new ways to challenge those around her to be inclusive and understanding of everyone across the GLBT spectrum.

Resi Cooper,

a consultant for governments, developers, and industrial associations, has been a powerful and active voice for years in advocating for GLBT equality. Her drive has not been hindered by being a woman because, as she puts it, she does not let sexism get in her way.

“I approached my professional career as if sexism didn’t exist,” Cooper admitted, “Then I had the absolute brilliant fortune to work for

schools and communities because of a lack of involvement.

“So many school-parent activities are scheduled during the day – making it virtually impossible to both work and be involved in the school,” Cooper adds, “It’s hard enough to juggle it all. And it would be great if our schools made it easier – or at least stop scheduling things that made you feel like a failure of a mother because you’ve chosen to also have a career.”

Cooper adds that all discrimination, whether it is based on gender, race, sexual orientation, or religion, is rooted in ignorance and fear. In turn, many of these women chose to advocate for the GLBT community. Breaking down ignorance and

I approached my professional career as if sexism didn’t exist.

Hillary Clinton – and I can promise sexism never entered my world in a meaningful way – she was too powerful and too feared, and using that reputation to push sexism out of the room wasn’t hard.”

The former Long Island Regional Director and statewide political director for Senator Clinton also feels very strongly about the environment in which her daughter was raised in. Cooper states that Long Island provided her daughter with a great education and safe streets, but what her daughter lacked was growing up with more diversity.

“The community we live in is fairly homogeneous and diversity of any kind isn’t as celebrated as I think it should be,” Cooper remarked, “But I see that changing as the demographics of Long Island changes. The cultural stereotypes have started disappearing as we become more integrated and that is a great thing.”

Cooper notes that the challenges of being a professional woman on Long Island is not too different as it is elsewhere. Cooper shares, however, that being a professional woman and mother on Long Island had its challenges because some of the school districts are not accommodating to the professional woman’s schedule. As such, she feels it is more difficult for women to be active and vocal voices in our

fear is what Cooper has made one of her many life missions in the political sphere.

For Cooper, who is on the Board of Equality Long Island, the political arm of The Long Island GLBT Services Network, influencing and educating politicians on GLBT issues was the key to creating change. She adds that Equality Long Island focused on Marriage Equality despite the fact that not one Long Island senator voted for it. This action to deny equality is what inspires her to continue educating politicians on the important issues facing the GLBT community.

“Supporting the GLBT community shouldn’t be a Republican or a Democratic issue – it’s a human equality issue – and we look forward to future support from the LI state senate delegation,” Cooper remarked.

She added that seeing life-long friends struggle to come-out, in addition to the pain and confusion of being in the closet and the ignorance that loved ones may participate in, inspired Cooper to continue her work towards advocacy.

In fact, she says, “Being gay isn’t like being a woman or an African-American, or Latino – yes, all have been and unfortunately still are discriminated against by ignorant people. But being gay has the added internal-conflict of discovering you’re gay.”

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out on li

Kerrie O’Neill,

Director of Programs for the Long Island GLBT Services Network, has had the experience of her desired profession being gendered. She was advised numerous times by well-meaning people in her life not to go into social work because it is a “women’s field.” In fact, she was urged to break gender norms on Wall Street.

“I was told to break through the glass ceiling that exists for women, especially lesbian women… and make a ton of money while doing the good that I wanted to do in social work by paving the way for other women,” O’Neill shared.

The people in her life that warned that she was making a poor business and life decision did not stop there: they reinforced the gender norms O’Neill sought to fight through advocacy by insisting that because she did not have a male partner to provide a man’s salary to financially support her, she would suffer in life.

While O’Neill admits her loved ones only meant her well, their words hurt. She interpreted those messages as further reinforcement of the work that needed to

Joanne Borden,

a transgender woman who lives in North Woodmere, creates change through sharing her own personal story, participating in GLBT events across Long Island, and fighting tirelessly to bring about legislative changes that ensure the rights of transgender people as well as the GLBT community as a whole.

Given her life experiences as a trans woman, she immediately notes that sexism did not affect her in a “normal” way.

happen within the Long Island community in turning ignorant loved ones into allies of the GLBT community. She believes she correctly chose to follow her dreams and calling into social work because of its value on systemic change as well as its call for equality across identities and the intersections of them.

“Even in ‘women’s fields’ such as social work that supposedly value equality and social and economic justice, men, on average, hold more

A former industrial engineering consultant, engineer, and president of two engineering societies, Borden has only recently retired from a male dominated industry. From then, she remembers being a “part-time” woman until five years ago, when she gathered the courage to present as a woman full-time.

In her early life, she acknowledges that she experienced a male privilege that most women do not. “It’s not like certain

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“[In contrast,] my partnered heterosexual women friends are systemically asked about their interest in assistance in becoming parents through fertility pills, surrogacy, and so forth,” she remarked. The exclusion was not unnoticed

by O’Neill, who chalked it up to another facet of today’s society regarding GLBT issues that needed to be addressed.

I was told to break through the glass ceiling that exists for women, especially lesbian women… positions of power and authority than women and make more money in positions similar to their woman counterparts,” O’Neill remarked, adding that the struggle for respect and equality within her field has been a trying yet inspiring journey.

Like other lesbian women, she remembers that when she first came out, educated people who seemed to “accept” her sexual orientation made further assumptions about her partner, reinforcing the idea that success can only come through being married to a man.

Other experiences from her personal life have also fueled her advocacy work. O’Neill noticed that as an out lesbian woman seeking obstetric and gynecological services, she had to push her request for HIV and STD testing. As a former California resident who was out, she was asked numerous times by her doctor if she was interested in family planning services whereas in the five years she has been back on Long

“[They] assumed because of my feminine gender expression that my partner must be ‘the man in the relationship,’ as if a relationship cannot be complete without a masculine component. Or they expressed their concerns about my future by asking who would take care of me financially in my life, as if only a man can provide for a couple or a family,” O’Neill shared.

professions were closed off to me because I’m a girl. I didn’t experience that because I couldn’t,” she admits.

Borden believes that the world is incredibly paranoid and that she is no exception: she recalls feeling fear and pressure for much of her life in having to be something she was not. She remembers hiding her true self from her children and her neighbors, and states that she would even get dressed in her car to avoid harassment or embarrassment.

“The shame is so great. After all, women were denigrated for millenniums. People think that it would be a shame to give up a ‘superior position’ to an ‘inferior’ one,” Borden explained.

Sexism did affect me as a trans woman: it taught me to be ashamed inside...

“I did not grow up as a girl and a woman.

But sexism did affect me as a trans woman: it taught me to be ashamed inside, and I think my shame was greater than most in the GLBT community because people like me were wrongly considered to be gay guys in a dress,” Borden shared.

Island, she noted that not a single doctor asked about her options.

“And trans men have been described as ‘uppity’ because they are ‘trying’ to be superior while trans women are not only violating men’s superiority, but they are also ‘opting’ for something ‘less’ than what their birth right demands,” Borden remarked.

In her retirement, Borden has found her calling: social advocacy through sharing her story of discovery, transition, and acceptance. She has authored monologues and is working towards publishing her book, Transgender Complete. In 2012, she won the “Best Story Teller” award at the Fresh Fruit Festival Show in New York City, and has performed in several churches and synagogues on Long Island for both Transgender Day of Remembrance and other GLBT events. Her advocacy work also includes promoting civil rights for gender variant people in her county and state legislatures.

Cathy Renna,

a 47-year-old Seaford native, is incredibly proud of the work she has done at her company, Renna Communications. For seven years, the company has devoted their time and efforts to GLBT issues and causes, ranging from assisting GLBT and allied older adults to the homeless GLBT youth to fighting for the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.”

In addition, she believes that sexism hinders how society responds to lesbians with different gender expressions, and this is a key component to her work in trying to create positive change on a larger scale.

For example, she notes, a lesbian with a feminine expression is objectified and desirable whereas a lesbian with a masculine expression is vilified as unattractive and, sometimes, even scary.

“Similarly,” O’Neill added, “masculine gay men are practically invisible and feminine gay men are frequently the punch-line of a homophobic and sexist joke.”

Her experiences have not all been negative: O’Neill shared that she has felt tremendous pride and happiness in creating change for the GLBT community, particularly among youth, through The Long Island GLBT Services Network. She states that all of her experiences trying to personally reject sexism or stereotypes about lesbian women has strengthened her in creating a safe and affirming space for GLBT individuals, whether that is through uniquely tailored programming and support groups, community events, or even the Long Island GLBT Community Centers as a whole.

“How cool is it to actually build a GLBT organization not only in a seemingly oppressive town,” O’Neill added, “but in my very own seemingly oppressive hometown of Garden City!”

school than other GLBT people on the East End: while these bonds are important to her, she admits her desire to feel more connected to other GLBT Long Islanders, something she is working to change.

It seems that sexism is indeed an “arm of homophobia” as Renna puts it, and holds similarity between the battle for equality for women and the GLBT community. Renna believes that this overlap between the two battles for equality is what propels her to work even harder in advocating for those who are oppressed.

GLBT advocacy has always felt more like a vocation to me.

Like many women, Renna shared that she experienced sexism compounded by her sexual orientation as well. In fact, she believes that sexism is nothing more than a hatred of the feminine and therefore inherently tied to homophobia and transphobia and sexism’s powerful influence in society is what makes dismantling anti-GLBT mindsets and policies so difficult. “As a woman who also happens to be a lesbian, and one who is gender nonconforming at that, I have experienced sexism from both sides – people who take me less seriously because I am a woman, and others who make a whole other set of assumptions because I do not fit the stereotypical mold of ‘feminine,’” Renna remarked.

“The battle really is for the right to live free from intrusion on our personal lives, whether that mean reproductive choice or sexuality, in every way as well as access to the same rights and responsibilities enjoyed by all,” Renna stated.

Renna believes that Long Island is a challenging place to be different. Throughout her academic career on Long Island, she experienced bullying firsthand but is thankful that she has family, friends, and a diverse community that is much more inclusive. Renna notes that she has more in common with parents from her daughter’s

“In many ways it feels like I never really a decision,” Renna remarked in reflecting on her involvement in the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), which soon prompted her firm’s work towards GLBT issues and causes. “It has always felt more like a vocation to me.”

These women have transformed personal injustices into a positive, motivational journey for themselves and others. Share your thoughts: editor@livingoutli.org.

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Long Island Gay PTSA Looks Ahead

by Leah Schoen-Adams

School districts are facing an ever-growing set of demands, in combination with decreased funding and resources.

With schools facing mandates from every direction, how does the GLBT community gain a prominent voice, while helping local school districts at the same time?

This was the discussion that took place on February 7th at the Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association (LI-GPTSA) meeting, which was held at the Garden City location of Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY). The LI-GPTSA is the nation’s first chartered GLBT-focused Parent Teacher Association.

The group discussed the Dignity for All Students Act (DASA), and their intention to educate both students and parents of their rights, under New York law. Many students and parents do not know about this legislation and the LI-GPTSA, along with LIGALY, are planning efforts to jointly create awareness about this issue.

A cohesive strategy to engage all facets of every school community was discussed and is being implemented.

While LIGALY is working on educating students, teachers, and administrators, the LI-GPTSA will focus its outreach and education priorities through the local PTAs. This combined effort will bring a coordinated response to address the safety issues that GLBT youth face in their schools.

On March 12, 2013 the LI-GPTSA will be presenting at the 18th Annual Long Island GLBT Conference at Stony Brook University. The group encourages parents, middle and high school students, college students, educators, and community members to attend. Attendees will have the opportunity to meet with, and hear the stories of, parents who are standing up for their children and GLBT families. learn more today at ligaly.org/ligayptsa

Registration is open to attend the long island glbt conference on march 12th at sbu and see the li gay ptsa present.

Visit LIGLBTNETWORK.ORG/CONFERENCE or contact Matthew Cotty at 516.323.0011 or MCOTTY@LIGALY.ORG. $15 for students and $60 for adults Registration fees include breakfast, lunch, and all conference materials.

Nancy Pelosi Comes to LI

Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) announced last month that it will honor Democratic leader, Nancy Pelosi, at its 20th Anniversary Gala on Friday, May 10, 2013 at Carlyle on the Green.

LIGALY chose the former House Speaker to honor her achievements in advocating for the GLBT community by repeatedly opposing the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and the Federal Marriage Amendment, which would ban same-sex marriages and federally define marriage as between one man and one woman, effectively overriding a state’s right to legalize GLBT marriages.

congresswoman nancy pelosi

get your photo taken with nancy pelosi! sponsorships and tickets available now for ligaly’s 20th anniversary gala: liglbtnetwork.org/gala

honoree andy stern

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As the current highest ranking Democrat in the House of Representatives, congresswoman Pelosi has actively taken a hard and vocal stance as an ally in her advocacy of same-sex marriage in California, her home state.

LIGALY is also honoring Andrew Stern, past Board President of LIGALY and Chief Operating Officer for NARAL Pro-Choice NY, as well as Edith Windsor and her attorney Roberta Kaplan for their inspirational Supreme Court fight challenging the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

honoree edie windsor

honoree roberta kaplan

A Harrowing, ThoughtProvoking Play in a theatre near you From March 8th through the 17th, Musical/ Comedy, LTD. in association with SoLuna Studios, will present John Logan’s awardwinning play Never The Sinner: The Leopold and Loeb Story in Hauppauge.

This stunning play recreates the famous 1924 trial that renowned attorney Clarence Darrow defended the romantically linked Nathan Leopold and Richard Loeb for the murder of 12-year-old Bobby Franks, in which they committed as part of a “philosophical experiment.” Leopold and Loeb captivate the nation with their trial when they claim that they are victims of a flawed system. The essence of the play stems from this ultimate question: are these men heartless murderers or are they like all of us?

don’t miss

never the sinner directed by Mike Canestraro featuring Steve Ringwald, Colby Herbst, James Bradley, Robert Oliver, Christine Robinson, Al Reno and James Evans tickets only $15 reserve by calling 631.708.9681 SoLuna Studios 659 Old Willets Path, Hauppauge, NY 17788 SoLunaStudioNY@gmail.com

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out on li

profiles of ligaly alumni:

Reflecting on Involvement in the GLBT Community Rachel Rivera Hanson

Brendon Almanzar

Rachel Rivera Hanson was 15 years old when staff and volunteers from Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth (LIGALY) were invited to her high school to address students.

Although she lived just blocks from LIGALY, she had never heard of the organization before. “What [the LIGALY speakers] said really touched me,” said Rivera Hanson, now 33. “They connected why I felt a certain way, and they happened to be right in my neighborhood.”

When Brendon Almanzar told his friends at LIGALY that he planned to join the military a few years ago, he was met with surprise and doubt. “They said, ‘You’re going to get kicked out in Basic’,” recalls Almanzar, now a Commo Clerk for the Army stationed in North Carolina, who enlisted several years before the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’

Rachel began staying late at school to go to LIGALY. “I met a lot of other kids there just like me,” she recalled. “I am still good friends with many of them today.”

As Rachel began her coming out process, she took advantage of LIGALY’s family counseling to help her mother better understand who she was. “It was difficult for her when I came out,” she said. “But after coming to LIGALY, she was a lot more understanding of who I was and the issues I was dealing with.”

Her mother even started attending the annual Long Island Pride Parade. Now a Registered Nurse and mother of three, Rachel describes LIGALY’s impact on Long Island as “tremendous.” She said proudly, “LIGALY is involved in all of Long Island, revolutionizing the simple idea that it is okay to be gay.”

Almanzar first came to LIGALY while a student at North Babylon High School. He says he felt like he was the only student who was openly gay, and made the decision to join LIGALY’s Safe Schools Team to support his fellow GLBT classmates. Almanzar said, “I had an easy time in high school, but at LIGALY I saw the other side, and how bad it could be [for GLBT students].”

For Brandon, his involvement in LIGALY actually helped him to make the decision to join the military. He stated, “It takes a strong individual to come out of the closet, but it takes an even stronger one to go back in to defend the rights of those who want to come out and be who they are.”

Today, Brendon uses his passion for advocacy as a volunteer with the North Carolina Chapter of OutServe, an organization that provides support to GLBT service members. His message for gay young people considering the military is: “Don’t think that a career in the military is not a viable option for you.”

connect with other out and proud Long Islanders at facebook.com/ligalyalumni

When all fails,

Who can you turn to?

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Attorneys At Law

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out and about movies in review

screen savor

By Gregg Shapiro

the perks of being a wallflower the wise kids Putting the fashion and anachronistic issues aside, writer/director/novelist Stephen Chbosky’s film adaptation of his own book The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Summit) is worth watching for the performances by scene-stealer Ezra Miller and a nuanced Emma Watson. Because they are both so good, it’s possible to overlook some of the movie’s time-challenged flaws.

Wallflower and high school freshman Charlie (Logan Lerman) is recovering from a bad spell in the early 1990s. His late Aunt Helen (Melanie Lynskey), with whom he shared a dark and intimate secret, haunts him years after her death.

There’s also a friend he mentions who killed himself.

But wait, there’s more. Charlie is about to enter the hallowed and hellish halls of a new school.

kid who preferred solitude finds himself in a series of social situations that he never could have predicted.

With increased social acceptance comes great responsibility. Some things he masters, such as keeping secrets (when he walks in on Patrick kissing one of the stars of the football team). But he struggles with other social graces, including how to break up with a girl (he has the bad judgment to do it during a game of Truth or Dare). In case you didn’t see it from a mile away, Charlie also falls in love with the lovable Sam, who in turn treats him with kid gloves.

As Charlie blossoms, his past and the present converge.

He finds himself unable to cope.

His newfound social status isn’t what he thought it would be and everything, including his friendships, begins Preferring to blend into to look bleak for him. the scenery, Charlie is There are (borderline taken under the wing new age) lessons to be of English teacher learned about accepting Mr. Anderson (Paul “the love we think we Rudd), who offers deserve,” however the Living Out says: good! literary guidance. Then, real lesson has more to surprising even himself, do with the power and Charlie makes friends value of friendships. Not with queer senior a perfect movie, but one Patrick (Miller), and in turn, Patrick’s that nevertheless has enough “perks” stepsister Sam (Watson). Suddenly, the to make it worthwhile to watch.

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Religion has been making its way into recent indie GLBT films. From disappointments such as Ash Christian’s Mangus! to the Shumanski’s Blackmail Boys, it’s a topic that isn’t going away, especially in light of the way the community is treated by religious extremists. You can add Stephen Cone’s amazing The Wise Kids (Wolfe/ Cone Arts) to the list and place it at the top as the best of the current crop.

Set in Charleston, South Carolina, in a community with strong ties to the church, The Wise Kids begins in April as music director Austin (Cone) is conducting rehearsals for the play Passion. One look at Austin and your gaydar will go off, in spite of the fact that he’s married to Elizabeth (Sadieh Rifai). It’s also obvious that Austin is in love with Tim (Tyler Ross), a gay high school senior who is heading off to the New School in New York to study film.

Tim’s best friend Brea (Molly Kunz), the preacher’s daughter, is totally cool about Tim being gay. The same can’t be said for classmate and religious zealot Laura (Allison Torem), who virtually has a nervous breakdown when she finds out Tim is gay and of course vows to pray for him. Brea, who is going through a crisis of faith, becomes closer to Tim (even applying to and getting accepted at NYU), which puts

Living Out says: watch it!

a strain on her friendship with Laura who is, as you might suspect, going to a Christian college.

The Wise Kids takes us all the way through December, with stops in May and August, as the trio of friends come to terms with the changes rapidly occurring in their lives. The wonder of the film is the way that every relationship rings true. From Tim and his father (and siblings) to Brea and her father to Austin and Elizabeth and even Tim and Austin, there is never a false note. The Wise Kids is a brave and, yes, wise achievement.

Did Perks give justice to the book? Was Wise Kids a wise film? Tell us at www.livingoutli.org or on facebook at facebook.com/livingoutli!

>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

books in review

Penny Marshall and Cyndi Lauper have become iconic representations of the respective decades in which they first garnered acclaim. Marshall ruled over the ’70s on television and Lauper was gigantic in the ’80s, when her first landmark recordings landed with a bang.

Without knowing it, both ladies have a great deal in common as revealed in their recently published memoirs, including possessing two unforgettable voices that are instantly recognizable by the public.

Who can forget Marshall’s distinctive nasal Bronx whine or Lauper with her grammatically challenged Queens honk? Both ladies are wildly outspoken and often find themselves in hot water while pushing the envelope for the GLBT community and feminist causes.

Both have also faced career set backs due to illness and have proved themselves far beyond their original career successes with Marshall demonstrating a sensitive talent as a film director while Lauper continues to deliver as an extremely gifted musical arranger. Best of all, Marshall and Lauper have never once lost their sense of humor even in the darkest moments of their lives. Both manage to land screamingly funny oneliners throughout both memoirs. Most memorably, Lauper describes several comedic attempts to hold down a job in corporate America as a “Girl Friday the 13th” and Marshall tries to bargain with two gunmen who invaded her Los Angeles abode while the police circle outside attempting a rescue.

read this!

By mike Canestraro

Living Out says: pretty good

Living Out says: a solid read

Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir by Cyndi Lauper Atria Books | 352 pages ISBN: 143914785X | $16.56 on Amazon

My Mother Was Nuts by Penny Marshall Houghton Mifflin Harcourt | 326 pages ISBN: 0547892624 | $15.47 on Amazon

Here are two ladies who remain New Yorkers through and through. Marshall grew up in a huge apartment complex on the Grand Concourse and Lauper hails from Ozone Park several blocks away from the Jamaica Avenue L. Each of them is at her best describing the world that she grew up in: a now vanished metropolitan area when neighborhoods were true communities in which everyone knew and looked out for everyone else.

It was an era when people still looked to one another for entertainment and talent was shared with an extended family who prized interaction and took pride when someone from the block made it big.

This is especially true of Marshall who had an eccentric mother, popular for running a highly influential dance school that taught a generation of Bronx residents the joy of performing for others. Lauper also goes into great and evocative detail as she writes about observing workingclass people taking the subway to either the Mecca of Manhattan for a night out or to just travel home across her driveway, surrounded by family and friends.

Interestingly enough, neither Lauper nor Marshall intended to have a career in the performing arts. Lauper, who left home when she was 17 to escape an abusive stepfather, originally wanted to study art. The tale of Lauper’s struggle to find a place in the music industry, despite her so called “unusual” way of expressing herself, are harrowing. The woman who has made “True Colors” an anthem for

check out my mother was nuts or cyndi lauper: a memoir

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out and about

the oppressed was to pay her dues for over a decade, often actually starving or suffering sexual abuse, to suddenly finding herself a so-called “over-night” success with the debut of the Girls Just Wanna Have Fun album.

Marshall had it far easier. As everyone knows, her older brother is writer, director and producer Gary Marshall. Big brother simply pulled a few strings to get his younger sister cast in a few bit roles when P. Marshall first discovered she had a true talent for comedy. Unforgettably, Marshall was soon cast in her brother’s television adaptation of The Odd Couple as Jack Klugman’s nebbish, nasal secretary Myrna Turner. However, it was a guest spot along with her buddy, Cindy Williams, for what was to be a one shot appearance on another Marshall show, Happy Days, portraying the low class bimbo dates of Fonzie and Richie, that really launched her when ABC decided to spin the actresses off on their own series. While both characters were toned down from their original loose, trashy girl personas, the chemistry between Marshall and Williams remained in tact and Laverne and Shirley quickly became a rating bonanza.

Both Lauper and Marshall are unsparingly honest with their failures as well as their successes. Lauper suffered a sophomore slump after her multiplatinum debut, that lasted far too long, perplexed everyone—including herself.

The failure of Marshall’s marriage to

Rob Reiner was a major shock and the baffling battles with Cindy Williams during Laverne and Shirley are all dealt with in the book with candor and grace.

Both authors, especially Lauper, admit to mouthing off to the wrong people at the wrong time with dire results.

Most happily, Lauper and Marshall are extremely strong at illustrating the creative thought process behind each and every one of their career endeavors—from film to television to music videos to recordings. If someone does not show up for work, or fails to provide the needed results, then do not worry. Penny and Cyndi quickly take over and simply get the job done. Another highly rare commodity in today’s world of entertainment or otherwise.

Neither My Mother was Nuts nor Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir are full scale autobiographies and neither aims to be.

Surprisingly, Lauper leaves out her stint as “Pirate” Jenny in the disastrous revival of The Threepenny Opera on Broadway, even though she was the one aspect of the production that spared the wrath of the New York critics. Still, both books are breezy and highly informative. Both are also written in the highly distinctive way that Marshall and Lauper actually talk.

One can hear them speaking directly to us as we read along. Neither book is a masterpiece, but both memoirs are very much like Penny Marshall and Cyndi Lauper themselves: highly entertaining, and most of all, funny and tons of fun to spend time with.

tell editor@livingoutli.org what you think to be featured on facebook!

LIVING OUT

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out and about television tune in today By meryl lumba

On a TV lull? Grab the remote and check out these incredible shows, each of which has a little something for those “hard-to-please” viewers.

Game of Thrones: Season 3 HBO: sunday, march 31st at 9 p.m.

After a rather slow second season, viewers hope to find this fantasy series to return to its action-packed roots.

Based on the A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R.R. Martin, Game of Thrones beautifully unmasks the history of two fictional continents (Westeros and Essos) that hold noble families. As expected, these families vie for the “iron throne,” in which viewers learn more about this world’s morality, social hierarchy, sexuality, and religion. Check it out to see if Daenerys Targaryen will keep complaining about her dragons.

mob wives: Season 3

vh1: on now, sundays at 10 p.m.

This reality series is full of drama and follows six Staten Island women whose husbands and fathers were arrested for crimes connected to the mafia. Viewers follow the women’s outside love interests, family, and friends as well as a new member, Love Majewski, who is the ex-fiancée of an alleged leader of a theft ring. Follow this series for some entertaining cattiness, heavy Staten Island accents, and a healthy dose of mindless fun.

what show eats up your DVR? tell us at livingoutli.org!

rupaul’s drag race: season 5 logo: on now, mondays at 9 p.m.

RuPaul’s always highly-anticipated drag race competition premiered on January 28th on the LOGO network. Each episode contains mini challenges, group challenges, and a “runway” design. This season, the show has extended to 90 minutes to include a 30-minute “Untucked” segment in which the contestants throw shade on one another and offer behind-the-scene drama. These loveable queens are judged before a panel and celebrity guest judges such as Chaz Bono and Kristen Johnston.

mad men: season 6

amc: sunday, april 7th at 9 p.m.

This multiple Emmy Award winner focuses on Don Draper, who is the creative director of fictional 1960s New York advertising agency. This addicting show covers the American culture of sexism, racism, homophobia, and feminism of the time, with plenty of intrigue, smoking, and drinking. Viewers may question if our society has truly ever progressed since the ’60s while watching the alienation and “cut-throat” environment that these characters face.

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show your pride

calendar of events 20-Something

Friday, March 8, 7:30-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for GLBT people age 20-29. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Women-to-Women: Connecting Long Island Generations of Sisterhood

SoLuna Studio Presents “Never the Sinner”

March 8–17, Fri/Sat 8pm, Sun 3pm SoLuna Studio, 659 Old Willets Path, Hauppauge www.solunastudiony.com, 631.708.9681

Wednesday, March 20, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City This special event aims to gather and connect Long Island women across generations to have open dialogue about what it means to be a lesbian, bisexual, transgender woman, or an ally to the community. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Line Dancing

FREE To Be

Wednesday, March 13, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Western-style line dancing with instruction for GLBT older adults and allies. $5 admission. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Long Island Gay Parent Teacher Student Association

Thursday, March 14, 6:30pm Committee Meetings, 7pm General Meeting The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore The nation’s only chartered Gay PTA, open to all who want to create safer schools. www.ligaly. org, 631.665.2300

A Women’s Passover Seder

Thursday, March 14, 6:30pm Kehillath Shalom Synagogue, 58 Goose Hill Rd, Cold Spring Harbor Not only for women – friends, families, and neighbors are welcome. $30 Adults, $10 children, 4 & under free. www.KehillathShalom. org, 631.367.4589

Jews in Cuba Today

Saturday, March 16, 11am Kehillath Shalom Synagogue, 58 Goose Hill Rd, Cold Spring Harbor Gail Sachs will talk and show photos from her recent trip to Havana with the Levis JCC of Boca Raton. www.KehillathShalom.org, 631.367.4589

Youth Support Group – Nassau County

Monday, March 18, 5-6pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City For GLBT youth under the age of 21. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

A Jewish Journey Between Genders

Tuesday, March 19th, 7:30-9pm Sid Jacobson Jewish Community Center, 300 Forest Dr, East Hills Joy Ladin, the first transgender professor at Yeshiva University presents her memoir, Through the Door of Life. Co-sponsored

by LIGALY’s Aleph Project. www.sjjcc.org, 516.484.1545

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Tuesday, March 26, 4:30-6pm Family Residences and Essential Enterprises, Inc., 120 Plant Ave, Hauppauge A safe and friendly environment for GLBT and questioning people with developmental and/or behavioral health disabilities, as well as allies. www.familyres.org, 516.870.1637 or freetobe@ familyres.org

Book Club

Tuesday, March 26, 7-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City This month, the group discusses George Moore’s “Albert Nobbs.” www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Second Annual Community Passover Seder

Thursday, March 28, 6-9pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City The Aleph Project of Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth welcomes everyone to the second annual Passover seder. Free to youth, suggested $18 for adults. Reservations are required. www.ligaly.org or 516.323.0011

Youth Support Group – Suffolk County

Thursday, March 28, 5-6pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore For GLBT youth under the age of 21. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Suffolk County

Monday, April 1, 1-2pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plans future programs. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

Senior Advocate Monday, April 1, 11-1pm

The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Representative from Suffolk Office for the Aging visits SAGE-LI monthly to provide on-site Benefits and Entitlement Counseling www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Advisory Board – Nassau County

Tuesday, April 2, 1-2pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Provides feedback for SAGE-LI programming for older adults and helps plans future programs. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

AlAnon

Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

AlAnon

Thursdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Alateen

1st & 3rd Wednesdays of the month, 7-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore 12-step group for youth ages 12-18 who are family, friends, or loved ones of alcoholics. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Have an event that you want to promote in living out? Let us know what your organization is doing. Email editor@livingoutli.org.

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Suffolk County Wednesdays, 5-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

free tax preparation

Tuesdays, 4-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City and The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Through February 5 through April 9, The Network is partnering with Bethpage Federal Credit Union to provide free tax preparation services for low-to-moderate income households. No appointment necessary. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Garden City Mingle

Tuesdays, 8-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Tuesdays, 11am-1pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden City. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

Aleph 2.0

Getting Bi

Alcoholics Anonymous

4th Thursday of the month, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City The Aleph 2.0 Project supports LGBT Jewish young adults in their 20’s and 30’s, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Aleph Project Youth Meetings

Thursdays, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City The Aleph Project supports LGBT Jewish youth, their friends and allies, with programming and discussions reflecting their lives. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Brother2Brother

1st Thursday of the month, 7-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.liglbtcenter.org, 516.323.0011

Co-Dependents Anonymous

Thursdays, 7:30-9pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore 12-step group for those who desire healthy and loving relationships. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing – Nassau County Thursdays, 5-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

1st and 3rd Mondays, 7:30-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Bi-monthly discussion group for people who identify as bisexual. All ages welcome. www. liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Hampton Bays Mingle

2nd and 4th Thursdays, 3-5pm Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave, Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the east end. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

LIGALY Advisory Board

Mondays, 5-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Youth help plan new programs and events at LIGALY. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30pm Bowl Long Island, 138 West Road, Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group

Wednesdays, 7:30-8:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www.liglbtcenter.org, 631.665.2300

Monday Mingle

Mondays, 11am-1pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore SAGE-LI’s weekly social in for GLBT seniors 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. www.sageli.org, 631.665.2300

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OUTlet

Fridays, 8pm-midnight The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Friday night social program for GLBT youth and their friends age 13-21. $2 admission, transportation available. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Parent Support Group

1st and 3rd Thursdays of the month, 6-7pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Suffolk County

Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www. ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Team – Nassau County Thursdays, 6-8pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team – Nassau County

Mondays, 5:30-7pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

Safe Schools Team – Suffolk County

Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30pm The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave, Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.ligaly.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7-8:30pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women. www.sageli.org, 516.323.0011

TRUE

Tuesdays, 5pm The Center at Garden City, 400 Garden City Plaza, Ste 110, Garden City A space for gay and bi men of color to talk about health, relationships, sexuality and other topics. www.ligaly.org, 516.323.0011

THE “SUCCESS HAS NO DEMOGRAPHIC” CHALLENGE At The Prudential Insurance Company of America, success has no gender, gender expression/identity, age, race or sexual orientation obstacle. Success is for anyone who accepts the challenge of working for our respected global company. By creating an environment that values all people, at Prudential we are able to be innovative, relevant and successful in meeting our customers’ diverse financial needs. If you’re ready for the challenge, we’re ready for you.

Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program Through our Financial Professional Associate Career Development Program, you’ll have a strong foundation to reach your goals. Our most successful Financial Professional Associates are strong communicators and relationship builders with a drive for results. They’re men and women from all walks of life. Join us now and you’ll also be able to: • • • •

ENJOY excellent compensation potential PARTICIPATE in a flexible training plan LEARN through on-the-job sales experiences EARN your professional licenses

Prudential received a 100% score on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index for programs and practices that are inclusive of LGBT employees, consumers and investors. Find out why our diversity is also our strength. For more information, please contact: Rony A. Nehme CLU®, LUTCF, CLTC Managing Director Email: rony.nehme@prudential.com Phone: 516-794-6175

©2012. Prudential, the Prudential logo, the Rock symbol and Bring Your Challenges are service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities. The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates are Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employers and are committed to diversity in its workforce. Prudential is an Employer that participates in E-Verify.

0213194-00005-00 Ed. 1/2013

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LIVING OUT

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Out and about

be scene

sage-li v-day dance GLBT older adults celebrated valentine’s day with music, dancing, and socializing at the center at bay shore.

In March 2004, hundreds of same-sex couples traveled to town halls across Long Island, attempting to get marriage licenses.

Though hopeful that the clerks would grant their licenses and recognize their unions, couples approached the counter, and one by one were rejected. Despite this, the days events became an important political statement and teach-in that its supporters believed helped lead the way to marriage equality in New York State.

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True Calling

Youth Video Project Excited and energetic youth came for the first round of auditions for the true calling video project, an ongoing for-youth and byyouth initiative.

Are you passionate about acting, singing, dancing, spoken word, or any other performance art? LIGALY is offering an opportunity for youth ages 13-21 to put these skills into action by creating a series of videos aimed at youth who know that sexuality is good and fun, but might not have all the facts about how to keep themselves healthy. Learn more at ligaly.org

stony brook glbt mixer stony brook university students and staff and The Long Island GLBT services network met to socialize and discuss the upcoming long island glbt conference.

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Out front

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Out front

lways living by the “dream bigger” philosophy, David Tutera, a renowned wedding and event planner, has transformed the lives of many people through his passion for design.

The 46-year-old Port Chester native has inspired couples looking to get married for years on his hit TV show My Fair Wedding with David Tutera and his work transforming attire, jewelry, venues, and more to capture the dreams of each client, celebrating a couple’s unique relationship as they celebrate the biggest day of their lives together.

His inspiration and support come from a place that many can relate to: his family. David stated that he has always been supported by his parents and grandfather, noting that he considered them his role models while growing up and their support helped him pursue his dreams and his career.

“They really encouraged my talents and passions, my personality, and always taught me to dream bigger—a motto I still live by today!” Tutera shared, “But it was my grandfather who really noticed my talents, and I remember that every day.”

By the age of 19, David was on his way to creating his event planning business. At first, he had only one event planning client and remembers how that slowly, but eventually, led to another. This uphill process continued until David had enough clients to truly engage in more creative transformations, and through that, he realized that he was helping others build memories through his own careful planning— that feeling excited him. It was then, Tutera remarked, that he first knew he wanted to continue to pursue event planning for the rest of his career.

While his career came from humble beginnings, much has changed as David’s celebrity status has evolved.

He continues to prove himself as a seasoned wedding and events planner, and his advice is taken to heart by millions online, in the media, and in print. Tutera is now filming the sixth season of his hit show, which will be entitled David Tutera: Unveiled, on the WE network, and through his experiences he has worked with some very interesting clients.

“If you’ve seen the dresses, the ‘centerpieces,’ and the venues these brides start out with—I mean, that’s what you really want?” He then added, “It can be a challenge transforming those ideas into something bigger, something grander or more elegant.”

That said, he admits to not having many terrible moments. “The worst request I had, though? I really had a hard time with one of my groomsman who wanted to do his own performance at the reception.

That was a tough night,” he stated.

Regardless of the style of wedding or his clients, Tutera believes the main focal point always boils down to the same important element: the dress—or dresses!

When asked what his favorite part of My Fair Wedding was, he stated that the dress selection is always a major moment.

“Simply put, it really became my passion,” he shared.

“For many brides, this is the turning point or highlight of their planning process,” Tutera remarked. “When I am there for the moment that they turn from women into brides, and can each see themselves as a wife… that is big. It makes it so special for me.”

Since Tutera started his business rather young, he acknowledged that there are things about the wedding industry he knows now that he wishes he knew then. Yet the motto of living day to day continues for David: “I learn everyday!” he exclaimed.

David has gained notoriety for his beautiful design for celebrities across the nation, and despite the excitement he feels in working with these high-profile clients, he said he did not prefer working with them over everyday couples looking to get married. So long

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as he is helping in making those dreams come true, he is content. He even stated that he has made life-long friends through planning these different events.

“I’ve met some of the most wonderful people in the world. Some of the most down-to-earth, kindest, and hardest working—and the most deserving,” he shared.

Similarly, David does not prefer certain times of year over others in picking a wedding, nor the formality of the wedding, the color palette, or other details. By drawing inspiration from the couple, he feels the best types of weddings are the ones that are unique and truly highlight the brides and grooms to be. For David, a wedding that truly embodies a couple and tells their story is the best one to be a part of.

“It’s great to be a part of a wedding where it speaks so clearly of the couple. You walk away knowing them better and feeling part of something,” he added.

Since each client has their own vision or unique personality, he believes he can transform and embody each client’s wants and needs into a reality. In fact, Tutera remarked that every wedding and event he plans is based on his clients’ “stories,” ranging from the menu to the décor to the music.

However, this planner does not stop at his passion for wedding and event transformation. In fact, some may say he is also interested in the finer details.

David has paired with Mon Cheri in launching the David Tutera for Mon Cheri wedding dress collection.

The bridal gowns can be found at 300 international retail stores and range in price from $750 to $1,575, proving to have something unique and affordable for every kind of bride. Incredibly proud of his work, Tutera stated that he would not launch a collection if he had not adored each piece—every dress he LIVING OUT

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Debuting for Spring 2012, David Tutera partnered with industry veteran Mon Cheri designer Martin Thornburg to create the David Tutera for Mon Cheri wedding dress collection. See more at moncheribridals.com.

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has worked so hard to create is a personal favorite.

“I’ve noticed that certain designs really capture a trend or really tend to flatter a variety of women, so I do love those designs. But I really do love them all!”

Industries Foundation Fighting Aids (DIFF), and The Nature Conservancy. Happy to be involved every year, he states that these organizations are important to him for different reasons.

And with even finer details comes David’s jewelry line, featuring stunning pieces for men and women alike: his dazzling necklaces, sophisticated cufflinks, and beautiful hanging earrings are timeless works of art.

He believes each piece of jewelry is of high importance to its wearer because the item has a life long after any wedding and will carry the memories of that special day for years to come.

“Bottom line is that I’ve been affected in some way, [especially] through family and close friends, by each disease. When you can raise awareness for such causes by adding décor and making the night grand and memorable… that’s a no-brainer for me,” he noted.

“I love the breadth of the collection, allowing each bride to choose the embellishments that best highlight her attributes,” he added.

Never letting his passion for design cool down, David keeps busy with a number of other wedding-related projects as well, like formal shoes, and invitations.

In reflecting on all of the different pieces he’s designed, he remarked that he works so hard for his every-day brides: girls David believes have always wanted to have a special dream wedding day but may be limited financially in doing so. These accents, David hopes, offer every person the opportunity to take something truly special with them to the altar. “I love designing each collection to offer my brides and grooms the chance to bring these high-end pieces home, and to their weddings, no matter their budget,” he shared.

David holds more to his heart that just weddings, though, as he is also known for his design donations to several charities such as the Prevent Cancer Foundation, the Alzheimer’s Association, Design

When it comes to the GLBT community, David feels a similar connection and need to raise awareness and support in his own way, whether it is through helping same-sex couples tie the knot or sharing his experiences one-on-one with people.

He came out to his mother at 19 and remembers it vividly: “It was in our kitchen of my childhood home, and I let her know that I was gay and that I was also planning to move out and into New York City.” Years later, David had a wedding of his own in Vermont, marrying his husband.

Though openly gay, David does not believe in being labeled as a prominent GLBT figure in the media. He wants GLBT celebrities to come out and be honest with the world to serve as role models for today’s youth, yet not labeling themselves as a “gay figure” in their industry. Just as every dress David designs and every venue David transforms is unique and special, he believes every celebrity has a unique story that should not remain in the closet but also not limit who they are to a label.

“I am proud of who I am, and I feel like there’s more I need to do!” he stated.

hat are the basics for planning a gorgeous wedding on a tight budget?

Stick to your budget. No matter what it is. You cannot go over this, nor should you, so being practical will avoid disappointment and set your planning guidelines. Don’t invite 400 people if your budget is set for 40. Don’t serve a lobster main course if your budget calls for a shrimp appetizer.

Prioritize. Focus your time, budget and attention on the things that matter to you first. Then, be creative! I’ve seen rooms transformed with candles and evenings made memorable by the right song. A gorgeous wedding truly is attainable on any budget.

David’s Dream Celebrity Wedding...

Well, everyone knows I love Jennifer Hudson! I’d love to plan a wedding for her. She is just so authentic, so talented, and so unique! That would be my dream—to plan her wedding and honeymoon!

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He additionally shared some insightful advice to same-sex couples that plan on getting married. His words are simple: “It is the same for anyone else.”

“Invite those that matter. Tell your story and focus on what really matters—your union!” he added, “At the end of the day, you go home to your mate. Your feelings and commitment are what matter.”

Tutera also urges that same sex couples whose marriages are not supported by their families to embrace themselves as much as possible. “This is not the time to try to change anyone. This is the time to remind yourself of your love and the reasons why you want to marry this person.

Keep yourselves surrounded by love and positive energy,” he remarked.

This wedding and event planner has seemingly worked with everyone throughout the span of his 26-year career, and revealed that he plans to continue to do so. A true believer in capturing true love through a couple’s wedding story, it appears David has found his calling in life: helping people in a different, more creative way to make lasting and beautiful memories.

accessorize your special day with david’s line of jewelry Elizabeth Pendant, $79

Lily Cuff, $159

It appears that Tutera has achieved many of his own dreams, but keeps dreaming bigger. His future goals include showing more same-sex marriages on television and seeing more celebrities come out and embrace their sexual orientation or gender identity rather than “flying under the radar.”

With his help, the GLBT community knows this Hotel Indigo_Living BLEED.pdf talented planner will always Out_halfpage_v2_NO be there to inspire their own “Fair” share of dream weddings.

Ava Earrings, $119

Whitmore Cuff Links, $39

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Thomas Cuff Links, $39

Gerritt Cuff Links, $49

At the newly designed Hotel Indigo you'll find a chic, contemporary setting for your wedding on Long Island's famous East End – alongside vineyards, beaches, the North Fork and the Hamptons.

Our luxurious ballroom, outdoor spaces and poolscape provide a stunning venue. Let us help you craft the perfect menu and signature drinks for your special occasion. Our staff is at your disposal to arrange excursions for you and your guests to take full advantage of the East End.

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Escape to Hotel Indigo anytime, for a casual evening out or to enjoy our exceptional amenities, including spa treatments, wine and spirits tours at award winning vineyards, shopping, beaches, nightlife, fine dining and weekly live entertainment.

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1830 WEST MAIN STREET ROUTE 25 | RIVERHEAD, NY 11901 | T 631.369.2200 | INDIGOEASTEND.COM

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living healthy parenting

ask

by laurie segal, lcsw

television! we can’t leave it to beaver anymore.. where to begin...

Television is as entertaining as it can be frightening—such as how children ages three to

12 watch 35 hours of television a week, viewing 9,000 violent acts and 185 minutes of commercials for junk food. It’s understandable that parents struggle everyday with this two-lettered device, especially during the Winter and early Spring, when many families fall into a pattern of television hibernation due to the inclement weather, thus increasing viewing by 50 percent.

The perils of TV, like everything else, fall on the shoulders of a parent’s ability to monitor situations and set appropriate limits. Here’s a simple list of suggestions for you to think about family friendly programming and develop a plan.

need a plan? wellness

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Look for “ei” symbols next to program listings and icons that appear on your television screen at the start of children’s show.

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Be aware of the shows your children like to watch.

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Set a structure in place that allows consistency.

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Familiarize yourself with v-chip technology.

These indicate the program is considered by the network to be educational and informational.

It can clue you in as to what their interests are and help you get involved.

Create a family television plan.

Decide when, what, and how long children can watch television.

Discuss the TV viewing plan as part of a family meeting.

Don’t wait until you are in the middle of a conflict. Explain why you are choosing what shows they can watch and for how long.

Some experts believe children should finish homework or chores before watching TV, and others believe order does not matter. Either way, ensure there is a set routine that works for your family.

Some televisions come standard with v-chips, or electronic devices that enable parents to block shows with excessive violence or adult themes.

Check out Laurie’s suggestions for your younger children as well as a teenspecific television plan on our online exclusive: go to www.livingoutli.org today!

laurie

Dear Laurie,

Issues of discipline are practically impossible to deal with due to the fact that my partner and I do not agree on how to handle our two children. It was not as big of an issue when they were younger but now that they are in school, it is a battle every night. Please help! —Fighting in Farmingdale Dear Fighting in Farmingdale,

First of all, stop the fighting: it will just make things worse. The good news is, school aged children are becoming more used to rules because they are required to follow them every day, so take advantage of this stage of development!

You and your partner should try to find a middle ground that you can both live with. This would be the easiest route for all of you. However, if it is truly impossible to reconcile your differences, explain to the children why you disagree. This is important because the responsibility of whom the children should listen to should not fall upon the children’s shoulders. In other words, at least agree to disagree and respect each other’s opinion.

If you really can’t find common ground, talk to the children about why you each have strong feelings about certain topics—of course, in an age appropriate way. For example, you might explain to your kids that, “Dad was brought up with a lot of rules in his house. Grandma and Grandpa were very strict and Dad grew up not wanting to be such a strict a parent. Papa D, on the other hand, had few rules in his house and grew up sometimes feeling as if no one was looking out for him.”

Let the kids know you both love them. Tell them the truth by saying something like, “We both love you, each in our own way, and we can see how sometimes it can be confusing when we have different rules and different feelings about things.”

Remember, parents must bear the burden of their differences. Children should not feel they have to choose sides. If you must disagree, it is a parent’s responsibility to explain to children how you are going to handle these issues so they can understand what is expected of them.

Best of luck and keep me informed! —Laurie

send your questions to asklaurie@livingoutli.org

by dr. bill blazey

what to expect when you’re expecting:

lesbian and bisexual women’s reproductive health With Spring around the corner, it is the time of the year that most of the animal kingdom is thinking about making its next generation. For women thinking of their reproductive prospects, this can be a great time of the year to make some choices that can keep you healthy through your reproductive years and beyond.

Oftentimes, I find that my patients have missed opportunities for screening tests or treatments that could improve the quality of their life since they were afraid to discuss their sexuality with their doctor. It is important to find a medical provider that you can trust and who knows issues that lesbian and bisexual women face with sexual health. about the author: William R. Blazey, D.O. is an assistant professor of Family Medicine at NYIT’s College of Osteopathic Medicine.

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Looking to expand your family? check out “You Gotta Believe,” a program for people interested in becoming foster parents. visit www.liglbtnetwork.org

Before you start nesting, you need to make sure to do some light housekeeping.

Arrange an appointment to see a health care provider such as a OB/Gyn or Family Doctor to make sure screening tests and vaccines are done.

A simple vaginal exam and PAP smear can evaluate for conditions that are easily treated before a pregnancy.

Ask your provider to screen for STDs and HIV. Many providers believe that lesbian women are not at risk for STDs and HIV, but it is not true.

It is important to be as healthy as possible prior to pregnancy to allow for your best chances for an uneventful experience.

If you are in your late 30s or 40s, there are a few challenges to pregnancy, but with help, most problems can be overcome.

Becoming pregnant When you are can become more pregnant, your heart difficult after 35; and kidneys have to however, options work for two. If you such as hormonal don’t exercise, slowly treatments and in-vitro add more activity to fertilization can help. your week until you get It is important to have to that goal. A healthy an Obstetrician that diet is very important you feel comfortable with an assortment of talking about all of fruits, vegetables, and your options with and grains. Take a wellmaking a plan that balanced vitamin and works for you. After 40, folate supplement to the risks of some birth protect against many defects increases. birth defects.

For women not planning to have children, it is important to talk to your medical provider.

Studies have shown that women who have not been pregnant or have not taken oral birth control (OCPs) may be at higher risks of breast and ovarian cancer later in life. OCPs can help to regulate your periods and decrease other problems (such as acne). It’s important to not smoke when taking these medications and discuss concerns with your medical doctor.

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living smart beauty & fashion

by matthew ambrosio

Whether you’re a makeup fanatic or see cosmetics as the enemy, it’s important to feel and look your best on the most important day of your life: your wedding. Fashion and Beauty Consultant Matthew Ambrosio has the basic tips for DIY brides (and grooms!) who want to look great on a budget or explore their beauty-savvy side.

Brides’ eyes are more about definition than color, but you can have both—it’s your day, and you’re the boss! However, keep in mind that you might regret the dramatic eye 20 years from now. Stick with nude shades in matte and luminous textures.

Use a black liquid or pencil liner to frame the eye and give them a finished and defined shape.

say yes to false lashes

make the lips personal

Have a friend apply them as they are a little tricky to do on your own. They should be applied after you apply the eye shadow, then apply your liner over the lash band. You can buy several styles from natural to bold. It is up to you, but this extra touch takes you to Hollywood Glam Beauty. Plus, they’ll stand out more in pictures.

The color depends on your inner attitude. Will you rock a red, or will you go for something closer to the shade of your natural lips? Whichever you chose, be sure your lips are hydrated first and you have a good liner to shape the lips before applying the lip color. Lining is the most important part, and the ultimate finishing touch.

Hair/Makeup Artistry: Heather Gilchrist Photographer: Vinnie Cavalone

define your eyes

Find a natural medium to full coverage foundation that matches your skin tone; beauty store experts will help you get the exact shade you need. Go for a liquid foundation if you have a normal or dry T-Zone, or try a pressed powder for more oily skin. Finish with a classic pink blush and luminous bronzer to get a sun kissed glow.

Hair/Makeup Artistry: Carlos Otero Photographer: Kristin Reimer

complexion is the focus

makeup’s for grooms, too sample before you buy For the men out there looking to freshen up their face, I recommend a tinted moisturizer and concealer which will allow for minimal application and a clear complexion. Men tend to be more prone to oily skin, so be sure to choose a formula that is free of oil.

A flawless and natural look is what brides desire come their wedding day. You can create professional look, but don’t be afraid to make mistakes getting there.

Many stores allow you to try the makeup either in store or to take home in sample form. Be sure to ask them if there is anything else you may need to go with it, such as a primer or setting powder. Find cosmetic lines which are free of talc, oil, fragrance, and parabens, as well as being hypo-allergenic.

It’s makeup: It’s not permanent. If you make a mistake, try again!

The majority of women have several reservations about makeup. Some fear the makeup will look too thick and cakey, and others worry they will look unnatural. Others are concerned that their skin is too sensitive and will react badly to the product.

These are all very valid reasons to be hesitant, but finding the right product is simple: Just go to your local beauty retailer and ask a consultant for an “unbiased” opinion to help you get started.

Sephora and Ulta are great places to get excellent advice.

Seasonal style change is upon us and soon the clothes will come off. Like last summer, color is still present and one such trendy color that will reign this season is a bold fiery red. Also, nude tones are just as popular. This season, it’s all about the details.

Runways everywhere are adorning clothing with ornate designs, unconventional embellishments and sexy dangling accessories for the ears, neck, and bags. pieces we love!

Clark’s Desert Boots ($90) This men’s chukka features a leather upper with a two-eyelet lace-up for a casual fit. Go for Brown Suede.

H&M’s Cable Knit Sweater ($25) Get this women’s sweater with a rounded neckline in creme or gray.

Uniqlo’s Polo Shirts ($19) Bold colors, sharp fit, and classic style for work or play.

Laura D’Angeli

OlaStyle

H&M’s Chinos ($30) Fitted for men and women in green, purple, red, and blue.

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See photos and more fashion-forward spring pieces at www.livingoutli.org >> LIVING OUT

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living smart

St. Patrick’s Day Shenanigans

a quick Long Island Guide to a Safe & Fun St. Patty’s Day by Kirsten Rizzo

St. Patrick’s Day has a deep-rooted history filled with meaning. Where I live, its meaning is getting sloppy drunk and wearing lots of green.

But there was actually once someone named St. Patrick who did stuff a long time ago and had a day dedicated to honoring his memory.

The festival has since become a day to celebrate Irish culture, so let this day of revelry be fun and enjoyable while also being safe and responsible, whether you’re Irish or not!

When it comes to alcohol, a chief component to many St. Patty’s Day plans, nobody does it better than Long Island! Check out a few of the bars and pubs that welcome the GLBT community on this most special of bar-hopping days. Hide your pot of gold and step out. >> Blanche Bar – South

Farmingdale Always a friendly place and never a cover charge—Blanche Bar welcomes all.

Come for the friendly crowd, for the music, or to play some pool.

Blanche is the longest surviving gay bar in Long Island—serving the GLBT community for 28 proud years. 47-2 Boundary Ave, South Farmingdale; 516.694.6906

>> Half Full Tavern (Twist)

– Wantagh This friendly tavern plays host to GLBT and straight folks alike and offers great food, great service, and great people.

The pub boasts of having the best burgers around town (sounds like a challenge to me) and a delicious menu. Stop by, mingle, and meet some new faces. 3039 Merrick Rd, Wantagh; 516.221.1414

don’t drink? don’t miss out on the festivities! living out asked readers...

What are you doing this St. Patty’s Day?

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>> Dublin Pub (Gation) – New

Hyde Park Friday nights are gay night at the pub, the only gay bar in western Nassau County. St. Patty’s Day may be a Sunday this year, but you’ll be hanging with a great crowd mixed with girls and boys (and more).

18+ to enter, 21+ to drink. 2002 Jericho Turnpike, New Hyde Park; 516.528.0848

>> the witches’ brew This

coffeehouse serves some of the best cappuccinos around as well as flavorful smoothies, Italian sodas, and other goodies. The mood lighting and antique décor make for a very comfortable environment.

311 Hempstead Turnpike, West Hempstead; 516.489.9482

25% Checking out a parade 15% Donning a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish!” shirt 5% Hitting the town for a pub crawl 50% Eating corned beef & cabbage and soda bread 5% All of the above!

get cooking with these traditional

irish recipes!

Corned Beef and Cabbage

Though usually boiled, try baking for an even better consistency.

Spicy, sweet honey mustard, clove, and brown sugar do nicely with the beef. For the cabbage, try a sauté of olive oil, garlic, and onions for a very nice tasting combination.

Irish Beef Stew The Irish folks love their “meat and potatoes” so just go with for a day. Sauté the beef (again with the beef?) in olive oil and dice up some carrots, onions, and garlic.

Salt, pepper, thyme, bay leaf, and rosemary should be added, along with a beef broth. Allow to simmer for a few hours, then add peas, butter, and flour and you’ll have yourself a tasty stew.

Mashed Potatoes You’ll need thyme, garlic cloves, thinly sliced cabbage, scallions, potatoes (of course), shredded cheddar cheese, salt, pepper, milk, sour cream, and bacon. The garlic, thyme, milk, and scallions will be prepared separately, while the potatoes are boiled, drained, and mashed up. Add your mixture along with sour cream, cabbage, cheese, bacon, salt, and pepper to the potatoes and stir.

Hurray for bangers and mash!

Soda Bread Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and butter a pan all nice. In a bowl, combine raisins, sugar, flour, baking soda, baking powder, caraway seeds, and salt. In a second bowl mix eggs, buttermilk, and butter. Combine the bowls to make a dough. Bake for about 45 minutes until done and then do a happy jig or step dance to celebrate.

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travel

living smart

by joey amato

out destination: west hollywood In my first visit to the West Coast in many years, I decided to venture out to the land of dreams: Los Angeles, California—and more specifically, West Hollywood. In a region known for celebrities, rolling hills and mega mansions, West Hollywood is a wondrous enclave, with its own identity and a drastically different vibe than its surrounding neighbors.

The most difficult part of your journey will be getting from Los Angeles International Airport to West Hollywood…the traffic in Los Angeles is legendary. But once you arrive, all of your worries seem to fade away. Check in at the newly renovated Le Montrose Suites, situated just blocks from Santa Monica Boulevard and minutes away from some of the most popular gay venues in the country. The magnificent boutique hotel offers a full-service restaurant, beautifully appointed suites complete with full kitchen, living space, balcony, flat screen televisions and luxury linens. Le Montrose also features a fitness center and rooftop pool overlooking the Los Angeles skyline, perfect for sun bathing or enjoying a late-night swim.

A car isn’t really necessary in West Hollywood, unless you would like to take a trip to Malibu, Santa Monica, or nearby Pasadena. Everything you need during your stay in WeHo is at your fingertips. Stop in at one of many GLBT-owned retail shops lining Santa Monica Boulevard and check out the latest fashion trends from local designers.

For a delightful dining experience amongst the West Hollywood “It” crowd, head to

Eveleigh, located on the famous Sunset Strip. Here, diners can feast on a variety of options. To start, try some of the wonderful “small plates,” which include: Crisp Spring Fennel with black olive aioli, Grilled Monteray Squid with garlic, lemon and olive oil or Roasted Bone Marrow with celery cress, radish and smoked sea salt.

With something for every taste, Eveleigh is definitely one of the premier dining establishments in the area. The restaurant also offers a wonderful wine selection, perfect to accompany any entrée. I highly recommend the Grilled Boulder Valley hanger steak with crisp potatoes and caramelized onions or the Roasted Half Jidori Chicken with picholine olives, almonds, preserved lemon, and golden raisins.

After dinner, head back to Santa Monica Boulevard to one of over a dozen gay bars and clubs in the city. Of course, the most popular of them is The Abbey. Voted “Best Gay Bar in the World,” by Logo, The Abbey is located just steps away from Le Montrose Suites. Owner David Cooley founded the venue 20 years ago as a coffee shop and since then, it has grown to the premier GLBT nightlife venue in West Hollywood with approximately 16,000 square feet of space.

Drinks at The Abbey are a little pricier than other establishments, but well worth the money, especially their famous Raspberry Mojito, a drink recommended to me by

many of their patrons. The bar also offers a wide selection of martinis, old-fashioned lemonades, and Caipirinhas. Dance the night away to the pulsating beats of some of the world’s greatest DJs who regularly visit The Abbey.

After a night of partying, it’s time to explore some of the cultural attractions West Hollywood has to offer. Begin at the MOCA Pacific Design Center. Founded in 1979, MOCA is the only museum in the region devoted exclusively to contemporary art. It is committed to the collection, presentation, and interpretation of work produced since 1940 in all media, and to preserving that work for future generations. The museum is about a 20-minute walk from the hotel, but well worth the visit.

Another highlight is the MAK Center for Art & Architecture. The MAK Center seeks out and supports projects that break down the boundaries between art and architecture. In addition to an ambitious schedule of events, the MAK Center hosts a bi-annual residency program for eight innovative artists and architects from outside the US. The famous Schindler House, at the site of the MAK Center, is considered to be the first house ever built in the Modern style.

Just a few blocks away is Shahr Salon & Wellness, a lovely new wellness

center offering a variety of salon and spa treatments including relaxing massages and luxurious facials. The property also features a private outdoor space for yoga and meditation. During my visit to Shahr, I was lucky enough to participate in a private yoga session taught by a very knowledgeable instructor who focused mainly on stretching and breath control.

This was followed up by a wonderful 60-minute massage. I would highly recommend making the time to visit Shahr during your stay.

A journey to West Hollywood would not be complete without visiting The Sunset Strip, a premier destination for music, entertainment, and fashion. Some of the greatest bands in rock music got their start playing venues including The Viper Room, The Roxy and Whiskey a Go Go. “The Strip” is one of the most likely places in West Hollywood to bump into a celebrity.

Those looking to spend more time with the “boys” or “girls” should head back to Santa Monica Boulevard to any one of the exciting bars which include Rage, Revolver, Fiesta Cantina, Micky’s, and Here Lounge in addition to others. The drinks in WeHo are plentiful and the eye candy is as well.

For more information:

www.visitwesthollywood.com

come for the atmosphere, stay for the food West Hollywood features some of the hottest restaurants in the country with savory dishes for everyone. Two great eateries you can’t miss are Cabana Bar (left), which was rated as one of the nation’s best restaurants by Esquire, and Eveleigh (center, right) for its delicious grilled Monteray Squid entree that’s almost as enjoyable as its beautiful ambiance inside and out.

OUT Destinations is part of OUTreach Public Relations, a company specializing in LGBT marketing. Founded by Joey Amato, OUTreach PR has quickly become one of the most soughtafter companies for firms looking to target the ever-growing and affluent LGBT consumer. For more information, please visit www.outreachpublicrelations.com.

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living smart wedding planning

by james fallarino

It’s All in the Details! Inspiration from Same-Sex Couples

David and Robert ensured their September wedding in Sayville prominently reflected their love of the beach. Traditional folded place cards were swapped for tags with guests names tied to starfish. During the wedding ceremony, the couple included a sand ceremony that used grains tinted to the colors of the Pride Flag.

Wedding invitations need not be designed in Edwardian Calligraphy, and you should feel free to choose a design that reflects who you are as a couple. Allison and Christine chose to play on their plans to hyphenate their last names on the invitation, and encouraged guests to suggest songs for the reception playlist on their RSVP cards.

Chris and Jeff wanted to add masculine touches to their winery wedding, and infused burlap into much of the design. Their boutonnieres and flowers were nested in burlap for a rustic feel, and guests filled their own burlap pouch with a special blend of coffee beans as a favor.

Remember those disposable cameras you could put on tables to let your guests do the work for you? Those days might be over, but photo booths provide a fun and wildly popular way to capture pictures of your friends and family at the wedding.

Jackie and Kathleen found great props for their photo booth at a party store and on the handmade marketplace Etsy.com.

get social

VINCENT DIDANIELE Licensed Real Estate Salesperson 631.252.7227 vdidaniele@elliman.com

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twitter.com/livingoutli Equal Housing Opportunity.

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points of view op-ed

by Reverend Irene Monroe

The Boy Scouts of America:

Another Closed Door for Black GLBT Youth The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) and the Black Church are rightly lauded for molding young black men into adult leaders. BSA troops have produced distinguished African American scouts like retired four-star general Colin Powell, six-time NBA champion Michael Jordan, and Heisman Trophy winner Herschel Walker.

African American participation in the Boy Scout movement dates back to 1911, and its impact has not only forced the integration of young black males into the organization, but also continues to address many challenges these young males confront today.

With young African American males (particularly those in urban enclaves) at much higher risks for incarceration, gang violence, unemployment, fatherlessness, and substance abuse, the BSA has been a source of constant and consistent strong, positive male figures for these young black boys.

Like many BSA troops, African American troops are often strongly affiliated with community black churches. These churches not only hold homophobic views, but also hold a tight-fisted hand on their non-gender conforming males.

The BSA’s position on GLBT scouts is unquestionably discriminatory, and its hesitancy to swiftly remove its ban dishonors the organization’s goal and philosophy, “to prepare young people to make ethical and moral choices over their lifetimes by instilling in them the values of the Scout Oath and Law.” This means that GLBT black youth cannot catch the lifeline that the BSA provides their straight brethren due to

the homophobia of the church and the BSA. It’s no wonder these youths have higher incidents of homelessness.

The BSA’s national office is housed in Texas, the heart of the Bible Belt, and that reflects the religiously conservative influence on the organization’s policies.

Although the BSA is a civic organization that has local chapters in public schools, a large number of them are equally affiliated with religious institutions.

Those religious groups have a disproportionate influence on the BSA. Most of these On Feb. 6th at the BSA National HQ in Texas, Pastor Alvin Fuller (left) of God’s Final Warning Ministries of and his son, Gershom Fuller (right), hold signs at the Save Our Scouts Prayer Vigil and Rally. The religious institutions Lancaster church was responding to the bsa’s postponement of a decision regarding its policy on glbt members. interpret and impose in the context of human service and for their two-year missionary stints both the Scout Oath and Scout Law a scout’s commitment to teamwork, and adulthood as lay priests,” New York from their conservative theological honesty, respect for others, and Times reporter, Erik Eckholm, stated in perspective and the Black Church is community service.

“As Partners, Mormons and Scouts Turn not alone. The Church of the Latter Day The truth that needs to be told is that Boys into Men.” Saints, for example, has a huge influence the BSA is fighting itself, and needs to The basis for discrimination against on the BSA because the church mandates come out of the closet about its founder. gay scouts and gay scout leaders that all male youths join the Boy Scouts.

Scout founder Robert Baden-Powell pivots around two beliefs: the Judeo“With mutual exaltation of God and was gay. Tim Jeal, the author of The Christian tenets about homosexuality country and a shared aim of nurturing Boy-Man: The Life of Lord Baden-Powell, and the myth that there is an inherent ‘morally straight’ men with leadership wrote, “The available evidence points correlation between male homosexuality skills and a service ethic, the Mormons inexorably to the conclusion that Badenand pedophilia. Although these beliefs and the Boy Scouts seem made for each have been successfully refuted, they are other, as entwined as a square knot.

Powell was a repressed homosexual.” strategically upheld to maintain its ban.

And in an unusual partnership dating Jeal further states that in Baden-Powell’s The BSA’s 2004 position statement on to 1913, the Mormon Church has diaries and correspondences, Badenhomosexuality, which has not changed, embraced scouting wholesale, giving it Powell wrote frequently about his states, “We believe that homosexual a central role in preparing male youths “enjoyment at watching young men swim conduct is inconsistent with the naked; enjoy nude men; (and) expressed requirement of the Scout oath that a disdain for female nudity.” Also, Scout be morally straight and in the Baden-Powell had an “extremely close, Scout law that a Scout be clean in word decades-long friendship” with Kenneth and deed, and that homosexuals do not McLaren, “with whom he served in the provide a desirable role model...”

British military and always made sure he The words “morally straight” bunked.” and “clean” are what have fueled The Black Church’s silent stance the BSA’s homophobic stance and of BSA’s continued ban on gays helps consequently have given rise to both strengthen the church’s belief that strong its misinterpretation and misuse of the black male leadership is exclusively group’s own guidelines. heterosexual.

While “morally straight” and “clean” However, if both the Black Church have everything to do with being a and BSA goals are to continue to nurture scout, they have nothing to do with a the talents of all its young males, then scout’s sexual orientation. The original they must ask themselves to what degree interpretation of both words are about does their stance on homophobia hinders virtue, readiness, and open mindedness their goal.

GLBT black youth cannot catch the lifeline that the BSA provides their straight brethren due to the homophobia of the church and the BSA. It’s no wonder these youth have higher incidents of homelessness.

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points of view trans-missions

by gwen smith

The other day, an otherwise non-descript Priority Mail box arrived at my doorstep. Inside was a late holiday gift from my father: a locket containing a photo of him and the inscription “I am with you always.”

I will admit it is an odd gift to receive. I would think a locket with your father’s photo might be a more apt gift for a young girl than one several years past two puberties. I also cannot help but read in a message about my father’s own mortality as he enters his 70s. My sister got one of these as well, so I suppose we are twinsies.

Nevertheless, I was a bit taken back by this gift of jewelry from my father. It says a lot about my family, my relationship with it, and my own transition.

When I was born, my father beamed with pride. An avid train nut, I was his “Little Engineer.” He named me, giving me the first and middle name of his best friend. I was expected to carry on the family line. I think, too, I was expected to fulfill some of the things that, perhaps, he had not been able to.

I was quite young the first time my family and transgenderism collided. We were on the way home from a Sunday drive, my parents up front listening to a call-in radio advice show, me lying down in the back watching the moon pass behind the trees out the window.

On the radio, a caller was asking for advice on how to deal with his son, who had just announced his intention to transition. I do not recall what the show’s host suggested, as I was listening to my parents discuss the caller’s dilemma.

The consensus was that this would be a terrible situation for the parents, and one they were glad to never have to face.

This was the first time I had ever heard that transition was possible – and in the same moment, I learned how devastating it would be to my parents. I was probably five or so at that time.

Fast forward: I was a freshman in high school when my father asked for my help one night. He was a wedding photographer and wanted to take a look at a church and reception hall the night before a client’s service. It was odd that he’d ask me along, but I could certainly not turn down an offer to help.

After a half hour or so of looking for all the best angles from which to shoot, we stopped by an ice cream shop on the way home. While in the car with him, as I sipped my peanut butter and chocolate malt, he let me know that he and my

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mother had d i s c ov e r e d an item of women’s attire in my room.

“I don’t want to know where this came from, or why it was there,” he said. “You can have it back. But I think you know what to do with it.” Not another word about it was said, and we went home in silence.

Ten years later, I was sitting down with both of my parents, and telling them that I was planning to begin my own transition in a few months. This was the first time I had ever seen my father cry—and to date, the only time.

A few weeks later, at an ill-considered family counseling session, he said that he had expected me to say that I had an incurable disease like AIDS and that maybe that would have been easier news for him to take.

Another handful of years passed, with me largely out of contact with the family while I transitioned. Then I ended up speaking on behalf of the family at a memorial service for a cousin of mine while my father sat in the audience.

My father and I passed a few stilted pleasantries that day.

After more time, I found myself visiting home during another family funeral. My father was showing me a mobile photo studio he had invested in.

He took a moment, after pointing out all the nooks and crannies for doing on-site one-hour developing, to have another brief talk.

“I know I don’t always say the right thing, or use the right name,” he said, “But I am trying, though. I hope you know that.”

Not long after that, a mutual friend told me about my dad bragging about me, talking about my activism work— and getting my name right.

Now, today: a locket. Perhaps an odd memorial, but also an acknowledgement of sorts. I cannot say it is anything I ever

expected to own, not the sort of thing I would have expected to receive from my father now or, quite honestly, any other time I have known him. It’s an odd gift, not one I’m all that sure I will wear—but one I am honored to have.

I know that my experiences are not that uncommon for a lot of other transgender people. Dealing with our families is often a source of pain, frustration, and heartbreak. I assumed for many years that I would not have a relationship with my parents ever again. I

also know that it will likely never be quite what it once was.

Yet I have seen my very conservative father, the same one who forwards me email from his tea party friends, turn quite a few corners. He has gone from someone who considered me all but dead to him, to someone who is trying to reach out to and reconcile with me.

So as I share this story with you remember, as bleak as it may be, there is always hope.

About the author

Gwen Smith still ended up liking trains. you can find her on the web at www.gwensmith.com.

Find out how Briarcliffe College can change your life with a degree in Accounting, Business Administration, Criminal Justice, Graphic Design, Healthcare Administration, Paralegal Studies, and our newest program, Dental Hygiene.

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Being outspoken means getting out in our communities and making your voice heard. Explore the stories of these five notable women and how they are utilizing their skills and resources today to advocate for a better tomorrow, either for the GLBT or our national community.

ANDREA GIBSON uses her award-winning poetry to speak out on politics, gender norms, and the struggles faced every day by queer individuals, while encouraging others to do the same. Along with engaging in social and political commentary through her work, she regularly reads during transgender, Pride, and GLBT public events. Gibson currently tours the county, giving public performances of her spoken word poetry.

Her topics often deal with orientation, identity, and belonging. She has published six books and released five albums of her recorded poetry.

Readings are also available on her website, andreagibson.org.

WANDA SYKES is an American comedian, actress, and voice artist. She began her career as in stand-up and her first major debut was for Chris Rock at Caroline’s Comedy Club.

She later joined Rock’s show and was consequently nominated for four Emmys. She came out in 2008 at a same-sex marriage rally in Las Vegas regarding Proposition 8. In 2008, Sykes also appeared in a television ad campaigned called “Think Before You Speak,” which was aimed at curbing homophobic slang. In 2010, she won a GLAAD award for promoting a good image of equal rights for the GLBT community. She is married to her wife and has two children.

RACHEL MADDOW is an openly gay American television host, political commentator, and author. Some highlights include being a frequent guest on CNN and journalist for The Advocate. Her nightly television show, The Rachel Maddow Show, began in August 2008, making her the first open lesbian anchor on a major prime-time news program in the United States.

Her fiery debates on political and social issues have helped her gain notoriety as a “different” leftist, claiming she is a “national security liberal.” She has won an “Outstanding TV JournalismNewsmagazine” award from the GLAAD Media Awards. Her book, Drift, is available March 5th.

ALLYSON D. ROBINSON

is the Executive Director of OutServe-SLDN, a network of actively serving GLBT military personnel. She is the organization’s first director since OutServe’s merge with the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, providing legal aid to GLBT military personnel and veterans.

She served previously as Deputy Director for Employee Programs for the Human Rights Campaign, helping to improve the campaign’s program on GLBT diversity training in the workplace. She is credited as the first transgender person to lead a GLBT rights organization without a transgender focus.

HILLARY CLINTON

is arguably one the most important woman in politics today, having served as the Secretary of State from 2009 to 2013, a US Senator for New York from 2001 to 2009, and former First Lady from 1993 to 2001. Throughout her long political career, she has tirelessly advocated for the rights of women, children, and the GLBT community. In 2011, she offered a speech on Human Rights Day in Geneva that many have called “historic,” in which Clinton urged the world to be “on the right side of history” when it comes to GLBT rights and equality and that “gay rights are human rights.”

feeling inspired? read about local long island women making a difference: pg 8

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musings

out spoken

by andy stern

jodie foster becomes a

boy scout troop leader And the winner for the oddest, angriest, most defensive, and least helpful non-coming out coming out speech at the Golden Globe Awards goes to...

If you haven’t seen Jodie Foster’s acceptance speech for her lifetime achievement award in January, I encourage you to YouTube it. And while you’re there, YouTube Jacob Rudolph, a high school senior in New Jersey who came out to his entire graduating class, as well as parents and teachers, while accepting the award for Class Actor less than a week later. There is much Jodie could (and should) learn from Jacob.

Things like dignity. And grace. And courage. And pride.

No one asked Ms. Foster to use her lifetime achievement award as a platform to officially “come out.” For most of us, the declaration that she’s “single” (so funny I forgot to laugh) registered a conspicuous yawn. Only Michele Bachmann didn’t know. What was striking, especially since there were no handprints on her back, was the level of her seething hostility.

Jodie, are you mad at me for some reason? Was it something I said?

A unique double standard exists in our culture, most notably in the media, that (right or wrong) takes a “no holds barred” approach to the personal— affairs, marriages, sexual escapades, births, children, divorces—so long as they’re heterosexual in nature. Simultaneously, we wave the “right to privacy” banner —but only when the person in question is homosexual. Our culture not only rationalizes, but also supports, the closet—a place of fear and shame— by its very stigmatization of homosexuality as something that requires a different set of privacy rules.

Should someone be forced to be open about his or her sexuality? I guess not, not unless the person in question takes public, political, or legislative positions that are damaging to the GLBT community. This said, in a country where GLBT youth are up to eight times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts, where it is still legal in 29 states to fire someone because they are gay, and where violence against the GLBT community continues to escalate, there is most certainly a moral imperative for people to come out of the closet. I’m

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sorry if folks in the public eye find their sexual orientation an inconvenient truth, but the notion of “my private life is mine” is as disingenuous as it is a Hobson’s Choice: being honest about one’s sexual orientation is not the same as putting a webcam in one’s bedroom.

Some actors just love to find justifications for their selfloathing. “The less the public knows about my private life, the less that comes between them and the character I’m playing,” or, “The public simply won’t accept an out actor in a hetero love scene or as an action hero,” and, “I’m not only responsible for myself, but for the livelihoods of countless others who depend on my bankability,” are just a few.

It is incredibly encouraging that a new crop of actors started at gay and never looked back. Cheyenne Jackson came to the Great White Way an openly gay man, and didn’t “go back in” when 30 Rock called. Neil Patrick Harris came out and still managed a bunch of Emmy nominations for playing a womanizer. I suspect the soon-to-be-released Star Trek film will not be damaged by a gay man portraying Spock (may he live long and prosper). Yet it truly is stunning how few out gays and lesbians there are in Hollywood today.

And a certifiable movie star? Bless my personal idol, Ian McKellen, who came out, became Gandalf, Magneto, and a knight to boot. Other than Sir Ian, well…I’m thinking.

The fact that all of these suppositions and rationalizations are untested hokum (if anything, history shows that the more people know about someone’s juicy personal life, the more likely they are to buy tickets to see them) is besides the point. More relevant is the fact that people make quietly heroic decisions every single day to put their lives and their integrity before their careers, fears, and bank accounts. Just ask a teacher who comes out. Or someone who tells their deeply religious family. Or works in a “macho” environment.

Everyone risks something when coming out, but the payoff is enormous—living an authentic life and improving the fabric of our society to name two. If Tom Cruise can talk openly about his religious beliefs without it impacting his career, surely an actor of similar status could talk about his or her sexual orientation. If Kevin Spacey can go on 60 Minutes and pine for a life with a wife and children, surely someone of his ilk could declare his desire for a husband and children instead and still manage to play a villainous member of Congress or Richard III without damaging ticket sales.

It’s downright cowardly.

What Jodie did at the Golden Globes was to kind of, sort of, half-heartedly publicly come out of the closet, while never using the terms gay or lesbian, while simultaneously waving the hackneyed “right to privacy” banner that continues to perpetuate an unhealthy societal double standard.

Courageous? Sorry, not this late in the game. Not in one’s retirement. Better she had stayed in GLBT purgatory than reiterate such an unhelpful message.

“Jodie Foster becomes Boy Scout Troop Leader.” Now that’s a headline I could applaud!

About the Author

Andy Stern, a native Long Islander, has been a pro-choice and gay rights activist for over two decades and is the past Board President of Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth.

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