Issue 10, Volume 2: October 2014 by Living Out

In THis Issue October 2014 - Volume 2, Issue 10 1 Cover 3 In this issue in the news: 6 national 7 interNational 8 Celebrity news Out on LI: 9 Network News Out front: 10 John lithgow Out and about: 13 Podcast review 13 Book Review 14 Mary Lambert 16 Friends 20th anniversary 17 fall bookshelf 18 imusic: autumn dance party 19 Calendar 21 BE scene: Networking event at hotel indigo Living healthy: 23 parenting: LI family connections 24 wellness: unhealthy food relationships Living smart: 26 Travel: fall back to summer 27 recipes: fall favorites 28 what's the t: iphone debate 30 Finance: break the paycheck to paycheck cycle

Living Out is produced by The Long Island Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Services Network

32 Fashion: cute jackets Points of view: 33 a gay icon gone 34 what's in a 'nym?

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Contributors Chris Azzopardi, Christopher Boire, Chris McNamee, Mike Murphy, Rev. Irene Monroe, Jennifer Nyx, Rachel Roth, Gregg Shapiro, Gwen Smith, Manny Velásquez-Paredes

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In the news

national News

By Rachel Roth

Florida County to Create House Dems. Attempt Domestic-Partnership Registry to Force ENDA Vote Tampa, Florida’s third largest city now has a domestic-partnership registry. Commissioners in Hillsborough County, Fla., voted unanimously to create a domesticpartnership registry that would “allow unmarried people to make legal decisions for their domestic partners,” the Tampa Tribune reported. The legislation, which was narrowly defeated in January 2013, received support from all four Republican commissioners who had previously voted against it. The commissioners also scheduled an Oct. 1 vote on a LGBT nondiscrimination bill.

In related news, Florida’s marriage equality ban is still in question. Florida officials on Thursday formally appealed last month’s ruling striking down the ban. Filed by Attorney General Pam Bondi (left) on behalf of Gov. Rick Scott, the appeal could prevent the ruling from taking effect later this month. The state did not appeal a county judge’s ruling that a samesex couple’s marriage should be recognized for the purpose of granting a divorce.

Rep. Jared Polis (Colo.), co-chairman of the LGBT Equality Caucus (below), filed a discharge petition to force a House vote on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. The measure would prohibit employers from discriminating against employees on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity and was passed by the Senate last year. The petition needs 218 signatures in order to succeed. Reps. Rush Holt (N.J.), John Garamendi (Calif.) and Gerry Connolly (Va.) signed the petition, as did House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif ), reported The Hill.

Politician Announces He Mary Cheney Pushes LGBT Issues at Log Cabin Dinner Takes HIV-Prevention Meds San Francisco Supervisor Scott Wiener wrote an oped in the Huffington Post in which he disclosed that he uses Truvada, a daily pill that reduces the risk of contracting HIV. Wiener said he had decided to publicize his use of the pill to raise awareness about it, as well as reduce the stigma sometimes associated with it.

Mary Cheney delivered the keynote address at the Log Cabin Republicans’ Spirit of Lincoln dinner last month. Cheney, an out lesbian and the daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney, discussed marriage equality progress and the GOP’s shifting stance on LGBT-rights issues. “It’s only when marriage

stops being treated as a partisan issue and starts being dealt with as a human rights issue that true equality will become a reality,” she said.

Court in Favor of NJ Ban on “Conversion” Therapy A three-judge panel for a federal appeals court on Thursday ruled that New Jersey’s ban on LGBT “conversion” therapy does not violate religious or free-speech protections in the U.S.

Constitution. The ban, which was signed into law last year by Gov. Chris Christie (left), is justified on the grounds that it helps protect the public, the panel said.

Md. Judiciary Holds Summit on LGBT Youth in Foster Care The Maryland Judiciary held a summit on September 10 to help LGBT young people in the foster care system. According to the Washington Blade, the summit, “Identifying, Supporting, and Meeting the Needs of LGBTQ Youth,” is thought to be the first of its kind in the nation. It was designed to help judges, court professionals, attorneys, social services professionals and others who work with foster youth identify the barriers LGBT foster youths face and develop actions plans for their local jurisdictions.

Courts Extend Marriage Suspects in Gay Bashing Incident I.D.’d via Twitter Recognition to Couples Coping with Terminal Illness Courts in Indiana and Arizona granted emergency recognition to same-sex spouses in two separate cases involving terminal illness. A federal judge in Indiana ordered the state to recognize the marriage of a lesbian couple that is battling ovarian cancer. A federal judge in Arizona ordered the state to recognize a same-sex marriage involving a man who recently died of pancreatic cancer. 6

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Philadelphia’s Twitter community helped police discover the identities of 12 people suspected of a hate crime. According to Philadelphia, Philadelphia Police released surveillance video of up to 12 people it identified as suspects walking through Center City near the time of the attack.

Witnesses told a local news channel that someone in the group asked one of the men, “is this your faggot boyfriend?” The men were then attacked, held

as other members in the group punched them in the face, head, and chest. One of the men in question has reportedly lost his job coaching at Archbishop Wood High School. On September 24 three individuals, 24-year-old Philip Williams; 24 year-old Kathryn Knott; and 26-yearold Kevin Harrigan, turned themselves in and were charged with two counts each of aggravated assault and simple assault, and reckless endangerment.

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Ugandan Activist Granted Asylum

A prominent Ugandan LGBT rights advocate who fled his homeland earlier this year has been granted asylum in the U.S. A letter dated September 11 stated John “Longjones” Abdallah Wambere’s asylum request “has been recommended for approval,” pending the results of a mandatory background check. Wambere, a member of the LGBT advocacy group Spectrum Uganda arrived in the U.S. in February. Three days after his arrival, Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni signed the controversial Anti-Homosexuality Bill that sought to impose a life sentence upon anyone found guilty of repeated same-sex sexual acts.

Taiwanese Parliament to Consider Marriage Bill A Taiwanese legislator has promised to put the Marriage Equality Bill on the agenda of the upcoming parliamentary session. According to Gay Star News via the Central News Agency, Democratic Progressive Party Legislator Yu Mei-nu (right) yesterday drew lots to become co-chair of the committee that sets the agenda for the next session of the Legislative Yuan.

t.A.T.u. Singer Doesn’t Mind Lesbians, ‘Won’t Accept’ Gay Men A singer from Russian duo t.A.T.u., condemned gay men in a recent interview. Julia Volkova, who has identified herself as bisexual, said she “would condemn” her son if he came out as gay, but that women should have the “freedom” to be lesbians.

“A man must be a man,” she said and added that God created man for the sake of “procreation.” Volkova went on to say that she would be OK with it if her daughter was a lesbian.

Twice-Cancelled Jerusalem Pride Attracts Low Turnout This year’s Jerusalem Pride – which was delayed twice due to the Gaza conflict – has finally gone ahead, but attracted a lower-than-expected turnout. Held in Shabbat Square, reported figures show only between 500-2000 people participated. The city is considered more conservative than other parts of Israel. Tel Aviv Pride drew a crowd of 100,000 people.

Crystal Meth Linked to HIV Rise in Australia Methamphetamine use is responsible for the rise in HIV infections in the Australian state of Victoria, according to a new survey. The survey, conducted by the Prahran Market Clinic in Melbourne, showed that 84% of patients living with HIV said the drug was a significant cause for contracting the disease. The clinic surveyed 211 gay men between 2011 and 2013, 65 of whom had HIV. In July a report by the Kirby Institute found HIV rate in Australia is at a 20-year high. There were 1,235 new cases last year, 88 percent of which were gay men. The New South Wales Ministry of Health also released HIV data today that showed the HIV rate had risen 3 percent in the first half of the year. There were 185 diagnoses, 79 percent of which were in gay men.

Islamic State Denounces One Network Fires, Another Hires Transgender Journalists LGBT Community Turkey’s only openly-transgender broadcast journalist was fired from IMC TV after a dispute between her and the station’s management. Pink News reported that management confirmed Michelle Demishevich (above, left) had her contract with IMC TV terminated because of a violation of station ethics. Demishevich believes the termination is because of her gender identity and a “culture of transphobia.”

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Meanwhile an Indian news network has appointed the country’s first transgender news anchor Padmini Prakash, 31 (above, right) – who previously worked as a dance instructor and acted in a soap opera – was hired as a news anchor for Lotus News, in the southern state of Tamil Nadu. She proved so popular with viewers that she was promoted to a more prominent role, and now heads the channel’s 7PM bulletin.

A militant allegedly associated with the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) has described gay people as the “worst of creatures.” In an eight-minute clip, a masked man holding a rifle calls upon recruits to leave their countries and join ISIS in a rogue Islamic state where they’ve enacted sharia law, which punishes homosexuality with being stoned to death. Last month Gay Star News reported that the LGBT community in the neighboring country of Lebanon is “terrified of a massacre” if ISIS gets into the country. LIVING OUT

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In the news

celebrity News

bisexual visibility: 26 Stars you probably didn't know are bisexual in honor of bisexual visibility day held annually on september 23rd

MEGAN FOX

BILLIE JO ARMSTRONG

MARGARET CHO

CLIVE DAVIS

ANNA PAQUIN

MEGAN MULLALLY

AZEALIA BANKS

ANDY DICK

BAI LING

CARRIE BROWNSTEIN

DAVID BOWIE

SNOOKI

ANGELINA JOLIE

EVAN RACHEL WOOD

AMBER HEARD

SAPPHIRE

DREW BARRYMORE

LADY GAGA

FRENCHIE DAVIS

VANESSA CARLTON

KE$HA

FERGIE

PETE TOWNSHEND

AMBER ROSE

CYNTHIA NIXON

JILLIAN MICHAELS

Celebrity Baby Daddy's

Nate berkus is expecting! "American Dream Builders" host and designer Nate Berkus, 43 and husband Jeremiah Brent, 29 (left) officially announced on Facebook that they are expecting their first child via surrogate. Berkus wrote: "We are happy to announce that we are expecting our first child! While we can't share much, we can say that thanks to a surrogate and the support of those we love we will officially be a family in the spring of 2015." This past May the couple made history when they tied the knot at the New York Public Library, becoming the first same-sex pair to marry at the iconic venue.

Ricky martin answers tough questions Ricky Martin, proud father of 6-year-old twin boys Matteo and Valentino (above), had some heartwarming answers to his sons curious questions. During a recent interview, Martin talked about his new single "Adiรณs" and opened up about one of the most difficult questions his kids have ever asked. In 2008, Martin took a break from his career to raise the boys who came into his life via gestational surrogacy. One of his sons asked him, "Dad, was I in your belly?" to which Martin replied, 'you were in my heart and you are still in my heart.' He explained further: 'There was a woman that I adore with all my heart that helped me bring you into this world. She lent me her belly so that you could come and when you were born she put you in my arms.' Martin also warned that you have to be careful what you say to the media. When asked by an outlet if he would like to have a daddy's girl headlines popped up the next day saying 'Ricky is going to be the father of a little girl!' Despite not currently having another baby on the way, Martin said he is difinitely looking forward to seeing his family grow in the future. 8

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FIRST GLBT SENIOR HOUSING IN NEW YORK TRI-STATE AREA Over 100 joined Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone, NYS Assemblyman Phil Ramos, The Network, dozens of public officials, business leaders and community members to announce that the first GLBT and GLBT-friendly senior housing development in the New York tri-state area will be coming to Long Island! It will be built on the current site of the Long Island GLBT Community Center in Bay Shore as well as adjoining properties.

The development will have 50 housing units and will be anchored by a brand new 6,000 square foot state of the art GLBT center for The Network. The new center will provide health, recreational, nutrition, social, cultural and other programs and initiatives. The Network realizes that marriage equality alone does not provide safety for our community. The housing for GLBT seniors is one that will be a lifesaver for many. Almost half of GLBT older adults reported being discriminated against

out on li

when seeking housing with their significant other. Elderly gay people still face prejudice living on their own or in other types of retirement housing. Some even “return to the closet” in order to ensure they will receive quality care or avoid rejection and violence from fellow residents. “Our baby boomer gay seniors grew up in a world where discrimination and hostility toward the community was supported and encouraged. The people who supported a world that was highly discriminatory are the population that are in the retirement and nursing homes now,” said David Kilmnick, CEO of The Network. “That’s what makes the GLBT and GLBT friendly development in Bay

Shore so critical. It will give our seniors and elders the high quality of life they deserve and in a safe, supportive and nurturing environment that celebrates their life.” The GLBT and GLBT-friendly affordable senior housing development in Bay Shore will be the first in the New York tri-state area, the fifth in the entire country and the first in a suburban environment.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS! THE LONG ISLAND GLBT NETWORK HAS THREE IMPORTANT UPCOMING EVENTS AND THEY WANT TO SEE YOU THERE! MORE INFORMATION ON THESE EVENTS CAN BE FOUND ON THEIR WEBSITE AT LIGLBTNETWORK.ORG

6TH ANNUAL

Sunday, Nov. 9 12 p.m. to 5 p.m. Hilton Long Island, Melville/Rte. 110

LONG ISLAND GLBT EXPO >> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

Wednesday, Nov. 19 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave.

TRANSGENDER DAY OF REMEMBRANCE

THE ANNUAL

Saturday, Dec. 13 7 p.m. to Midnight Hosted by The Allegria Hotel in Long Beach

WINTER BALL HELD IN COMMEMORATION OF WORLD AIDS DAY LIVING OUT

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out Front

The World According to John Lithgow

'Love is Strange' actor on his 'defiance of prejudice' and humanizing gay rights

An Interview By Chris Azzopardi

There’s a beautiful moment in Ira Sachs’ indie hit Love Is Strange involving two older men – a New York couple, forced to live apart after one of them loses his job, tearfully embraces. Life-changing? No. But that’s the point: Its simplicity is a revelation. That distinctly post-gay perspective is what attracted John Lithgow to the role of Uncle Ben, an elderly artist adjusting to life away from his husband, George (Alfred Molina), after financial woes drive them into separate residences. During a recent chat with Lithgow, the actor discussed being touched by the gay community’s response to Love Is Strange, the underrepresentation of LGBT people in film, and his groundbreaking turn as a trans woman alongside Robin Williams in The World According to Garp. “Love Is Strange” is resonating with the gay community on a very personal level, especially now that many of these longtime gay and lesbian couples are able 10

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to wed. For you, what does it mean to be part of a film that means so much to the gay community? It’s extremely moving to me. Even if the whole same-sex

Photos Courtesy of Sony Classics marriage issue had not become such a major issue of our times, this would still be a very, very moving film just by virtue of the fact that it is a portrait of a 40-year-long relationship. And since it’s a 40-year-long relationship between two gay men, there is such a history there: They’ve been through 40 extraordinary years; they’ve seen the terrible scourge of AIDS in the ’80s and ’90s; between them they’ve lost scours, if not 100s, of friends; they’ve somehow survived, and they have seen the sort of awakenings of freedom – this slow emergence from secondclass citizenship through these gay marriage initiatives. The great thing is, it puts a human face on it. You see real people. These are the people who are really directly affected by it, and I just find it terribly moving. The narrative hones in on these vignettes of their life

together, which says a lot about relationships – that, no matter who’s experiencing it, love is love... ... and it’s complicated and it’s messy, but they are the luckiest people in the film because their relationship has survived and they’re inseparable. They’re so essential to each other. Is there a particular exchange between Ben and George that left an impression on you? Oh, there are so many of them! I think the finest scene is right toward the end: the scene in Julius bar, followed by their walk through the streets of the West Village. It’s the moment when Ben apologizes to George for being less monogamous and less faithful, and yet reassures him and acknowledges the fact that they are essential to each other. I think that’s a wonderful scene, and I love the fact that that scene itself is shot with humor – there are two

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out Front

moments in that scene where they laugh uncontrollably. The way it swings back and forth between the serious and the silly just seems to define their relationship in so many ways. And, as they salute their old friend Frank – it’s quite clear what happened to Frank – that scene is also acknowledging the loss they feel because of AIDS. You and Alfred have such a rapport – not just in the film, but in real life. You’ve been friends for years. But besides the obvious answer – that it’s called acting – how do you take that platonic affection for each other to the next level? It’s impossible to be selfconscious with Alfred. Both of us have done a lot of acting, and so it takes an awful lot to throw us. But it’s very rare that you find an actor that you feel so completely free with, so unselfconscious with, and both of us share a certain quality as actors. We’re both very serious actors who are also very frivolous

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people. (Laughs) We love to laugh, and yet we take acting very seriously – that gives you a lot of reference points in playing a love relationship. You can’t have a relationship of 40 years without having both a sense of humor and a sense of compassion and forgiveness. It’s refreshing to see an elderly gay couple portrayed on screen. In Hollywood, there aren’t many stories about older people being told, let alone older gay people. Yes – they’re not very well served in this very youthful industry. What’s your take on the representation of LGBT characters in film? They’re underrepresented, and to the extent that they are represented – I mean, there have been important and fine films on gay themes. Many! Longtime Companion, Milk, Philadelphia and Prick Up Your Ears. But so many of them have been shot

through with torment and crisis. Milk is about an assassination, Philadelphia is about death by AIDS, Prick Up Your Ears is about a crime of passion between two gay men. This one is exactly the opposite. It is so prosaic. What’s extraordinary and revolutionary about the film is how ordinary it is. It goes beyond acceptance of a gay lifestyle right on to taking it for granted. You know, there are different gradations – there is prejudice, and then there’s tolerance, and then there’s acceptance, but the best of all is simply taking something for granted as if there’s nothing unusual about it. That’s what’s revolutionary about this film. That’s exactly how this relationship is viewed, and I think it’s a sign of the times that this is actually happening. I’m not saying the battle is won by any means, but it’s getting harder and harder to be bigoted about homosexuality, and that’s extremely good news. And the film acknowledges that fact. Yeah – that heartbreaking moment when Joey (Ben’s teenage great-nephew) uses the word “gay” in such a derogatory

And yet, even in that moment you can tell – because of a beautiful little performance by John Cullum as the priest – he doesn’t want to be doing this. He hates to do this. By that very fact you get the sense that this can’t stand 10 years from now. People are not gonna be fired by the Catholic Church for having a gay lifestyle. So, I think it’s a hopeful film. I do hope that’s the case. They simply can’t keep doing this. They just can’t. It’s unacceptable. You received an Equality Award from the Human Rights Campaign and also participated in the starstudded reading of Dustin Lance Black’s 8, but when did gay issues become important to you? Much, much earlier than that. I’ve grown up in a theater family and I’ve lived my life in the creative arts – half of the people in the creative arts are gay! The arts community is way, way beyond the rest of the society in some degree of acceptance, so I’ve grown up in an atmosphere of acceptance.

"it’s getting harder and harder to be bigoted about homosexuality, and that’s extremely good news." way is just heartbreaking, and yet you know that things are changing and changing for the better. There’s still a battle to be fought, and that’s demonstrated in the film when George loses his job as a longtime Catholic school music teacher because he marries Ben.

Though there were things about the gay community you apparently didn’t know that you learned while shooting Love Is Strange. I understand Cheyenne Jackson schooled you in gay culture. Yes! Cheyenne was absolutely an essential consultant. (Laughs)

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out front Having played two queer characters who inhabit very different time periods – Uncle Ben in Love Is Strange and, in 1982, transgender woman Roberta Muldoon in The World According to Garp – what does it say about the gay community when you look at these roles side by side? I approached both characters the same way, and that is, loving the people and treating them with great dignity. Roberta is a slightly bizarre character, especially in the context of that film. When I talk about somebody being taken for granted, that is much more true of Love Is Strange than of Roberta Muldoon in The World According to Garp. To that degree, times have changed, but it feels very, very good to have been a part of changing that sensibility just a tiny part

perhaps. I love that I have dignified these two characters almost in defiance of prejudice. You co-starred with Robin Williams in that film... Yes, rest his soul. Such a friend to the gay community as well. Do you have a fond memory of Robin you’d like to share? All my memories of Robin are very, very fond, and I’m still extremely sad about it. The world has lost a lot of laughter.

"things are changing and changing for the better."

Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com

Know Your Status for you and your partners Free HIV and STD/STI Testing Available during drop-in hours and by appointment at all locations of The Long Island GLBT Community Center.

Drop-In Hours The Center at Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. N., Suite 110 Woodbury Every Thursday, 5-8pm

The Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Avenue, Bay Shore Every Wednesday, 5-8pm

The Hamptons GLBT Center 44 Union Street, Sag Harbor First Friday of the month, 4-8pm

Free, quick, and confidential testing for HIV, syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea. For more information or to schedule an appointment, contact the HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program at testing@liglbtnetwork.org or 631.665.2300 Nassau: Center at Woodbury 20 Crossways Park Dr. N., Suite 110 Woodbury, NY 11797 T 516.323.0011 F 516.750.4715

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Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore 34 Park Avenue Bay Shore, NY 11706 T 631.665.2300 F 631.665.7874

East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center 44 Union Street Sag Harbor, NY 11963 T 631.899.4950 F 631.665.7874

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out and about podcast review

by christopher boire

“Welcome to the night vale” (warning, slight spoilers involving character development)

“A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and mysterious lights pass overhead while we all pretend to sleep. Welcome to Night Vale.” Community radio host Cecil Palmer (voiced by Cecil Baldwin) introduces listeners to Night Vale with these words, echoing the surreal calm that permeates the series. Written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor, local radio broadcasts reveal the daily life of an American southwest desert town and its bizarre normality. Episodes will sound familiar to fans of The Twilight Zone, Twin Peaks, and H.P. Lovecraft among others. Twice a month, the events and happenings of Night Vale are told through Cecil’s reports and commentary. Topics range from the community

book review

calendar, news reports from the Mayor’s office, traffic, and ‘weather’. During these broadcasts, listeners learn more about the strange, and sometimes frightening, little desert town that are taken as a matter of course. Over time, listeners learn about the terrors of librarians, the Glow Cloud that randomly drops dead animals, and the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home. With all this, the fact that the lead character is a gay man is one of the most ordinary aspects of the show. Once in a while, Cecil can’t help but gush about what’s going on in his personal life, especially when it involves Night Vale’s newcomer, Carlos the Scientist. Cecil’s feelings for this man and his “perfect hair” are made clear from the start; on Cecil’s first glimpse of him at a town meeting:

“He grinned, and everything about him was perfect. And I fell in love instantly.” But Cecil is a radio professional. References to his homosexuality are sparse throughout the show, hardly noticed against the rising death count of radio station interns, though it picks up as the relationship evolves. Not only that, it’s not a concern of anyone else in town either. This blasé acceptance has made the show a major hit with GLBT audiences. Chances are, if a book or film uses a GLBT-identifying protagonist, that identity will be the main focus of the story. Titles like these are incredibly

important, dealing with topics of coming out, acceptance, love, homophobia, and prejudice among others. But here, we find an example of a new stage in fictional storytelling for our community. Where we can be who we are, without it becoming all that we are. Love it or hate it, it’s a valuable addition to the variety of orientation in entertainment. Welcome to Night Vale entered its third year this July, and is starting its European tour of live episodes in October. Look online for episodes to stream and download. Learn more at: nightvale.bandcamp.com.

by christopher boire

Lincoln Avenue: Chicago Stories* Greg Shapiro is a prolific gay writer of the Midwest, with pieces spanning from poetry and fiction to entertainment news. A Chicago native, the city is particularly fond of him, a superstar in the local LGBT literary community. Many of his theater reviews and celebrity interviews – all with an LGBT slant – can be found among the regional papers and magazines of the Windy City. With Lincoln Avenue: Chicago Stories, Shapiro pays tribute to his hometown in twelve short stories; capturing the city in the 70s and 80s world he grew up in. Often funny and always intimate, Shapiro’s stories tap into the charged atmosphere found in the one-on-one encounter. Whether between family members, strangers, or exes, most of the stories take place in the space between the driver and passenger’s seats (with plenty of cars to accommodate). The unconnected stories

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use this space to provide a spectrum for the young, Midwestern gay man, while maintaining the core sense of Chicago life throughout. The first and last stories, “Your Father’s Car” and “Your Mother’s Car,” reveal how smoothly Shapiro handles these similarities and differences in such a limited space. “Lunch with a Porn Star” and “Marilyn, My Mother, Myself” were two favorites I’d recommend for their attention to starting and well-worn relationships. The chance encounter with a famous porn star and the material fixation of an overly supportive mother make for truly entertaining reads. The relatively simple moments have the light-hearted power that nostalgia brings when we look back on our younger days, Not every story was a hit. Just as the best stories are the ones that bring the characters

close, when they are kept at a distance, like during the phone conversation in “Threes,” the reader’s kept on the surface of the story. Also, a story or two tries to bring in a larger cast in all at once, and ends up dragging down the pace. “The Breakdown Lane” struggles with this while “The Tracks” gives the reader enough time to get to know everyone involved. The emphasis here is on the life of Chicago, so those familiar with the setting may get more out of the selection. But even those unfamiliar with the time and place will find common ground with these stories. The slice-of-life scenarios and pop-culture references show the angle on everyday life that any New Yorker can relate to. And it’s

a welcome indication that there was a gay life to be had outside the areas of New York and California. *Editors Note: This article was initially featured in the September issue of Living Out but incorrectly titled the book as Liberty Avenue: Chicago Stories. We apologize for the error as the book is titled Lincoln Avenue: Chicago Stories. Copies of the book are available through Amazon.com as an ebook and through squaresandrebels.com for the print edition. Enjoy.

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out and about

i-music

Open Heart: An Interview with Mary Lambert By Gregg Shapiro Mary Lambert is nothing if not grateful for her newfound popularity. The out singer/ songwriter and performance poet’s swift and meteoric rise to fame occurred via her collaboration with the duo Macklemore and Ryan Lewis on the groundbreaking song “Same Love.” A YouTube sensation and hit single, the song received Grammy Award nominations, and was performed live during the Grammy telecast, featuring a mass-wedding including several same-gender couples. Shortly thereafter, Lambert released the Welcome To The Age of My Body EP, featuring “She Keeps Me Warm,” a song that expanded on her contribution to “Same Love.” I spoke to Lambert about her career and new album, Heart On My Sleeve (Capitol), out on October 14th. Mary, I’m sure you’ve been asked about your Grammy performance with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis a million times, but now that there is some distance between that night and now, what was the experience like for you? It’s a life-altering experience. Performing for that many people and being

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nominated for a Grammy is pivotal enough for an individual. But what the song stands for and what I’m singing about and what I’ve written, that to me is more gratifying. The actual content and the social impact; it was life changing for me. I feel so fortunate that this is the song that will be remembered for years to come. I feel very lucky that it’s the song for which I will be known for sure. I’m glad you mentioned the social impact. Your religious upbringing also plays a role in your artistic life. What kind of an impact do you think your work is now having, if any at all, on conservative religious organizations such as the Evangelical church with which you have been involved? I’m not sure if it has. I feel like I’ve been out of touch in terms of those actual communities. Have they reached out to you at all? I have been working with some churches. There are churches that have reached out. I do think that Christianity and the whole Evangelical sect is in a shift right now. But I don’t know if I am solely responsible for that. I do feel that there is a shift towards the idea of gay marriage. “She Keeps Me Warm,” the full-length song that grew out of your “Same Love” collaboration with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, is featured on your Welcome To The Age of My Body EP. What was involved in deciding what you wanted to include on that disc? I wanted to make the EP an introduction to who I am. I wanted “She Keeps Me Warm” on there. There was a push to have it in a collection of songs and to have it out and make a statement about who I am and what I do. “Sarasvati” is on there, too, and that’s very confessional, a deeply emotional song to sing. “Body Love” is on there and that’s an encompassing idea of what I do. They all speak to those different forms.

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out and about I’m glad you mentioned “Body Love,” because the EP opens and closes with the spoken word tracks “Body Love Part 1” and “Body Love Part 2,” and your new full-length album Heart On My Sleeve contains the poem “Dear One,” while the new song “Sum Of Our Parts” also puts your poetic skills on display. Who are some of your favorite poets? I have so many! I was fortunate enough to do a little stint with Andrea Gibson, who is one of my favorite poets. Buddy Wakefield and Shira Erlichman, too.

Heart On My Sleeve opens with “Secrets,” a song that does a fantastic job of exhibiting your sense of humor. How important do you think it is to maintain a sense of humor as an artist? I don’t think it is for everybody. I know it is important for me. I think the topics I talk about can be really heavy. I’d like there to be some sense of relief through it so I’m not making everybody cry through an entire show. There’s some joy in it, too. It’s probably because I’m clinically bipolar. Part of being an extreme person is the capacity for extreme joy. Fun, tongue-incheek writing also has the capacity to be vulnerable, maybe heartbreaking writing as well. Guest rappers on tracks are nothing new and your song “Ribcage” features K. Flay and queer rapper Angel Haze. Why did you choose to work with them? I’m a huge fan of both of those women. I met K. Flay about two years ago in Austin during SXSW. I was such a fan of her already and I was so excited to meet her. We really hit it off. I guested at a couple of her concerts and surprised the audience. That was pretty fun. She and I have been friends. I have equal admiration for Angel Haze. I think she’s one of the fiercest MCs making music today. I think she’s so on point with her writing and emotional intensity. I resonate with her.

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What really solidified it was her song, and video, for “Battle Cry,” which I thought was so vulnerable. It was so open of her to discuss trauma in such a way. It shook me in a really beautiful way. That was when I knew I had to have her on the track as well. Throughout the recording process I’d been asked to have multiple rappers on the tracks. I was hesitant to have any rap on because I would like to step out of that capacity in which people know me. But this felt like the absolute right thing to do. It felt so good to have two absolutely fucking fierce female MCs on it [laughs].

Hearts are a recurring theme on the new disc. You make mention of hearts in the title cut, “Ribcage,” “When You Sleep,” “Wounded Animal” and “Monochromatic.” Wow! I honestly didn’t even realize it! I mean, I knew it was the title [laughs]. I didn’t even think about it! I talk a lot about my heart. The heart is a metaphorical thing we describe as the vessel in which we connect to each other. That’s why I write about it a lot. I’m so hungry for connection. I crave real, tangible human interaction. I believe the way to achieve that is vulnerability. The way you achieve vulnerability is to have an open heart. That’s the basis of it. An openness of your soul which I believe is your heart. Your torch song reinvention of Rick Springfield’s “Jessie’s Girl” is nothing short of brilliant. You take ownership of the song! Why did you choose to cover that song? I love that song! “Jessie’s Girl” is one of my favorite songs that has ever been written [laughs]. There’s the intensity behind it, when you break down the lyrics. When I broke it down and was trying to find the right chords to fit with it, I love that line “She’s watching him with those eyes/and she’s loving him with that body.” That line is so poetic. There’s poetry in that

song. I know it’s an upbeat, angst-y kind of song, but I just thought, “If you’re a gay person, you’ve undoubtedly had feelings for someone who’s straight.” I felt like those feelings were similar. I also love the non-gender-specific name Jessie. It was so awesome to sing it. To me, the intent behind it is a little subversive, in terms of wanting to connect with the gay community in that way. But I also think taking it down-tempo and adding strings to it gave it a different kind of life.

Do you know if Rick Springfield has heard it and what he thinks of it? I think he has heard it. I would love to have a conversation with him. I think we’re actually working on setting one up now. Like Beth Ditto, you have become a body image advocate, most recently launching The Body Love Campaign. What can you tell me about it? The Body Love Campaign is something I feel very strongly about. It’s just the idea of self-worth and self-care and propelling that in our culture when our culture is so invested in breaking down women; women asking for validation from men. I don’t think it’s anybody’s fault, but I think it’s perpetuated by both genders. Something I really wanted to attack was the fact that it starts before you are 16 or 17. That was the peak of it for me, when I felt pressured to be somebody that I wasn’t and then feel really guilty about it. I wanted to make a declaration of “You are beautiful, just the way you are.” But I also didn’t want to smooth over it the way a lot of other people do. It has the open and close quotes and I think it’s a lot rawer than that. I think it’s about girls selfharming, drinking heavily and escapism because the pain of our bodies and our self-destruction.

LIVING OUT

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out and about

20th anniversary

FRIENDS FOREVER

The long time running show, FRIENDS, celebrated its 20th Anniversary on September 22nd. Here is a look back at the FRIENDS cast to see just how much things have changed over the years.

Jennifer Aniston

David Schwimmer

Courteney cox

Matt leblanc

lisa kudrow

Matthew perry

FRIENDS TRIVIA QUIZ Are you a die-hard FRIENDS fan? Test your knowledge of the show with this super fun and challenging quiz! What did Joey call the dog that Phoebe cheered him up with when he was in love with Rachel? a. Yasmine b. Mutzerella c. Joseph d. Wendy

How did Joey’s character on Days of Our Lives die? a. Drowned in the ocean b. Fell down an elevator shaft c. Thrown off of a horse d. Jumped off a bridge

What was Julie’s one con when Ross was making a Rachel and Julie lists? a. She’s not Rachel b. She talks in her sleep c. She bites her fingernails d. She hates monkeys

What did Monica’s neighbors say her holiday candy tasted like? a. Rainbows and smiles b. Little drops of heaven c. Heavenly bites d. Hot girl candy

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LIVING OUT

Who is the only Friend who could get Emma to stop crying? a. Phoebe b. Ross c. Chandler d. Monica

In Vegas, where did Ross and Rachel have their wedding dinner? a. McDonalds b. Pizza Hut c. Krystal d. Paul’s Café

What happens to Monica at the beach? a. Sprained her ankle b. Bruised her ribs c. Stung by a stingray d. Stung by a jellyfish

1-4 Correct Answers: Someone really needs to go back and watch all 10 seasons again. Tsk.

Why did Ross’s marriage to Carol fail? a. He cheated on her b. Carol said she didn’t really love Ross c. They were drunk when they got married d. Carol was a lesbian

8-10 Correct Answers: Congratulations! You really know FRIENDS inside and out! You are the FRIENDS trivia master!

What habit does Rachel take up to fit in with her colleagues at Ralph Lauren? a. Dipping b. Drinking c. Smoking cigarettes d. Smoking marijuana

10. What name does Phoebe often use as a cover for who she really is? a. Rachel Geller b. Regina Philange c. Wendy Tribbiani d. Jane Falula

5-7 Correct Answers: Not Bad! You probably just forgot the ones you got wrong, but don't worry it happens to even the greatest fans.

ANSWERS: 1.B 2.B 3.A 4.B 5.D 6.B 7.D 8.D 9.C 10.B

>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

out and about i-read

by gregg shapiro

Fall 2014 Bookshelf in their own words

Hillary Clinton: In Her Own Words (Seal, 2014), edited by Lisa Rogak, contains more than 300 quotations from Secretary of State (as well as New York Senator and former First Lady), and possible 2016 Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, on a vast array of topics including “Gay Rights and Marriage,”“How People Perceive Her,”“America’s Role in the World,”“Her Daughter” (Chelsea),” “Gun Control,”“Women’s Rights,”“Her Personality” and “The Kind of President She’d Be,” to mention a few.

words and pictures

sexy stuff

Gay poet Richard Blanco became a household name, a feat not accomplished by many poets, reading his poem “One Today” at President Obama’s second inauguration in January 2013. In his Miami-set memoir The Prince of Los Cocuyos: A Miami Childhood (Ecco, 2014), Blanco employs lyrical prose to tell his story.

The posthumously published Glow: The Autobiography of Rick James (Atria, 2014) by the late Rick James with David Ritz, hits shelves 10 years after James’ passing. The man remembered as much for songs such as “Superfreak,” “You And I,” and “Give It To Me Baby,” as he is for his purported last words, has his say in this book.

A View From the Bottom: Asian American Masculinity and Sexual Representation (Duke, 2014) by Nguyen Tan Hoang examines “portrayals of Asian and Asian American men in Hollywood cinema, European art film, gay porn” and more.

With contributions by Jeff Mann, Rob Rosen, Simon Sheppard, as well as the anthology’s editor Shane Allison, and more than a dozen other writers, Men On The Make: True Gay Sex Confessions (Cleis, 2014), compiles titillating and true hookup tails, uh, tales.

A massive and thorough tome, with lined pages for readers’ notes, Male Sex Work and Society (Harrington Park Press, 2014), edited by Victor Minichiello and John Scott, features essays such as “Representation of Male Sex Work in Film,” “Advertising Male Sexual Services” and “Clients of Male Sex Workers,” to name just a few.

Though written for our hetero brothers and sisters, much of the advice offered in How To Woo a Jew: The Modern Jewish Guide to Dating and Mating (Seal, 2014) by JDate columnist Tamar Caspi, with the necessary pronoun adjustments, could apply to same sex Kosher coupling as well.

(Gay) Geography Lessons

Filmmaker, monologist, writer and pop culture icon John Waters extends his thumb and hits the road for his own personal odyssey in Carsick (Farrar Straus Giroux, 2014), in which he hitchhiked from Baltimore to San Francisco, encountered an assortment of drivers willing to stop, pick him up and get him to his next destination.

Edmund White’s 1980 nonfiction book States of Desire, which received high praise from Christopher Isherwood, Fran Lebowitz and Andrew Holleran upon its publication, has been reissued in an expanded edition as States of Desire Revisited: Travels in Gay America (University of Wisconsin Press, 2014), and includes a new introduction written by White.

no biz like showbiz Children’s books have a unique way of combining text and images to get stories and messages across to readers (of all ages). Gay cabaret artist Craig Pomranz, “inspired by a true-life incident,” wrote Made By Raffi (Frances Lincoln, 2014), with illustrations by Margaret Chamberlain, to introduce us to “different” little boy Raffi, who prefers knitting to kicking a ball.

Story/Time: The Life of An Idea (Princeton University Press, 2014) by Bill T. Jones is the “printed artifact of three Toni Morrison Lectures” given by the gay choreographer at Princeton. Containing original short stories, as well as 16 pages of photographs, the book provides additional insight into the multiaward winning artist’s creative process and genius.

>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

The prolific Lisa Rogak (see Hillary Clinton above) shifts gears in Angry Optimist: The Life and Times of Jon Stewart (Thomas Dunne, 2014), her thoughtful biography of the actor/comedian/director/writer, longtime friend of the LGBT community, and Daily Show mainstay.

In Tradition!: The Highly Improbable, Ultimately Triumphant Broadway-toHollywood Story of Fiddler on the Roof, the World’s Most Beloved Musical (St. Martin’s Press, 2014), Barbara Isenberg traces the show’s evolution from concept to stage to screen and back to stage again.

Spanning the band’s 35 year career, from its religious roots to its outspoken political nature and its multi-platinum recording history film and music journalist John Jobling tackles the task of writing the unauthorized U2 bio in U2: The Definitive Biography (Thomas Dunne, 2014). LIVING OUT

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out and about i-music

by gregg shapiro

AUTUMN DANCE PARTY The dance music world was dealt a tragic blow when legendary producer and songwriter Frankie Knuckles passed away in March 2014. An artist of epic proportions, openly gay Frankie Knuckles singlehandedly made Chicago’s house music genre a household word, if you will. Just how significant Knuckles’ contributions were was exemplified by his signing to a major label (Virgin) in the 1990s, bringing a formerly underground kind of music to the fore. Both of his albums for that label, 1991’s Beyond The Mix and 1995’s Welcome To The Real World have been reissued “straight from the crates on heavyweight vinyl” by Virgin/UMe. Beyond The Mix opens with the dated hip-hop/house hybrid “Godfather” which bellows 1991. Things improve on “Rain Falls’ (which could have used a little more thunder) and the airy treat of Eric Kupper’s “The Whistle Song.” Side two is more consistent, with the “Party At My House,” “Right Thing” and “Workout” triple play. Welcome To The

Real World, featuring vocalist Adeva on 10 of the 13 tracks (as well as prominently on the cover alongside Knuckles), contains the huge dance hit “Too Many Fish,” as well as the club sensation “Whadda U Want (From Me).” On the whole, though, the album sounds like the corporate idea of what house music ought to sound like for the masses rather than the foundation on which Knuckles built his own house.

If Knuckles had lived, the concept of Amy Grant’s dance remix album In Motion: The Remixes (A&M) probably would have had him clutching his chest. Amy Grant: disco diva, act of desperation, or genius? Nowhere near as offensive as the recent Disney remix disc (that was just dumb-o!), this confusing collection attempts to elevate the CCM slinger to disco singer. The thing is, as often happens with remixes, the final product says less about the artist than it does about the egotistical remixers, including Tony Moran, Hex Hector, Dave Audé and Ralphi Rosario, who think that everything can be made better with more BPM, synths and such. Some of these songs, such as “Every Heartbeat,” are better suited to this kind of treatment. Ultimately, it begs the question WWJD – Where Would Jesus Dance? Paradise Garage?

Don’t listen to Junto (Atlantic Jaxx/PIAS) by groundbreaking Basement Jaxx and expect the Basement Jaxx of their Astralwerks days. Those first three albums, especially Remedy and Rooty, were unique unto themselves and the time. Fifteen or so years later, the groundwork that Basement Jaxx helped to lay has benefited countless deserving (and undeserving) electronic music acts. That said, Junto is an improvement on prior releases and offers an array of delightfully danceable tunes including “Power To The People” (not to be confused with the John Lennon song of the same name), “Never Say Never,” the spacey “We Are Not Alone,” the I-came-to-party-anthem “What’s The News” and the (fish)tail wagging “Mermaid of Salinas.” 18

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LIVING OUT

With its debut album New Eyes (Atlantic) UK dance music quartet Clean Bandit has made a record as irresistible as Disclosure’s Settle or Goldfish’s Three Second Memory. High-kicking things off with the tasteful “Mozart’s House,” Clean Bandit makes a powerful opening statement. “Extraordinary” comes close to living up to its title, “Rather Be” is rather exciting, “A&E” adds a pleasing island breeze to the disc and “Telephone Banking” cashes in on electronic experimentation.

Sometimes dance music comes from unexpected sources. Take brainy pop band Bishop Allen, for example. In a little over ten years, the band, led by Justin Rice and Christian Rudder, has perfected its distinctive style of sophisticated but accessible pop. On its latest full-length Lights Out (Dead Oceans), Bishop Allen amps up the dance factor on songs such as “Hammer and Nail,” “Bread Crumbs,” “Start Again,” “Good Talk,” and unlock the funk on “Skeleton Key.” Bishop Allen even pay a visit to Vampire Weekend territory on “Crows” and tips it hat to The Ting Tings on “Give It Back.”

To read more iMusic columns, please visit livingoutli.org

>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

show your pride

calendar of events Long Island GLBT Bereavement Group Monday, Oct. 13th, 7-8 p.m. Monday, Oct. 27th, 7-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

Out of the Broom Closet: Halloween Party Friday, Oct. 24th, 8 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor

Come as you are or dress up in your This group provides a safe and supportive favorite or scariest costume for LIGALY's environment for those who have spooktacular Halloween party. The experienced the loss of a loved one or Hamptons GLBT Center welcomes all friend while offering help and guidence spirits (21 & under) to join us for a fright with the grieving process. night of treats, games and fun. Bring your www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 friends, because all ghouls just wanna have fun. SAGE-LI Embracing www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

Diversity Conference: Living & Working with Aging GLBT Communities Thursday, Oct. 16th, 9 a.m. Hofstra University 1000 Fulton Ave. Hempstead, NY 11550 Join us for the first cultural competency conference intended to raise awareness about and within the GLBT older adult community. Presentations include GLB 101, Trans 101, Legal Advice for Older Adults and Changes to Medicare/ Medicaid through the Affordable Care Act. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

SAGE-LI OUTdoors Trip: East End Excursion SAGE-LI Restaurant OUTing: Modern Snack Bar Friday, Oct. 17th, 11am Join us for our second annual afternoon on The North Fork. We are starting our trip with a visit at 11am to Bay View Farm Market (891 Main Rd. in Aquebogue). We are then visiting Small Holdings Farm & Antique Barn (965 Main Rd. in Aquebogue). We are finishing our trip with lunch at 1:45pm at the famous Modern Snack Bar (628 Main Rd. in Aquebogue). The lunch menu ranges from $4-$15. Van transportation is available on a first ask basis. The van is leaving the Bay Shore Center at 10am. RSVP required by Wednesday, October 15th. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

NCOD OUTlet Friday, October 10th at The Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave. In celebration of the 1987 March on Washingotn for Gay & Lesbian Rights, over 10 countries including 60,000 students on Long Island come out in support of the LGBT community.

Gayloween Spooktacular Saturday, Oct. 25th, 6 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

HIV Testing @ The Veranda at the LI Eagle Friday, Oct. 31st, 10 p.m. 94 N Clinton Avenue, Bay Shore, NY 11706 Get rapid, free & confidential testing anytime before midnight! Gay & bisexual men get a $20 gift card when they get tested. Costumes encouraged! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

20 Something 2nd & 4th Fridays, 7:30-9 p.m Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Discussion and support group for GLBT people in their 20’s. A safe and affirming space to share their experiences. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Latino Group 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 6-8 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor

SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT seniors The Latino Group provides support 50+ at The Center at Bay Shore. services to Long Island's GLBT and www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 allied Latino's of all ages. The group seeks to create an energetic and diverse Nassau County Mingle Tuesdays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. understanding of issues affecting the Latino community directly with an effort Nassau: Center at Woodbury, to create a supportive network of friends. 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950 SAGE-LI’s weekly social for GLBT LIFE in Nassau seniors 50+ at The Center at Garden 2nd Thursday, 7-9 p.m. City. The mingle will take place in Nassau: Center at Woodbury, Eisenhower Park at Parking Field #3 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, on September 16th. Suite 110, Woodbury www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 LIFE in Nassau meets every second OUTlet Thursday. Open to adults of all genders Fridays, 8 p.m.-Midnight and orientations with an interest in Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, BDSM topics.

SAGE-LI is hosting a Halloween Dance! Advisory Board (SAGE-LI) This is a costume party so get out those Tuesday, Oct. 14th 1-2 p.m. witch's caps, cat ears and superhero Nassau: Center at Woodbury, capes. If you don't have a costume, you 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, LIGALY Advisory Board can still party with us! There is a $12 Mondays, 6-8 p.m. admission fee to cover the cost of food Suite 110, Woodbury We want to hear your voice! This group Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, and beverages. RSVP with payment 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore provides feedback on current SAGE-LI required by Wednesday, Oct. 22nd. programming, offers ideas for additional Youth help plan new programs and www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 events at LIGALY. programming, and helps plan future Many Men, Many Voices www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 events. All are welcome! (3MV) Retreat www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Sat., Oct. 25th, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Sun., Oct. 26th, 9 a.m.-3 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Many Men, Many Voices (3MV) is a weekend retreat for gay and bisexual young men of color up to age 24. This fun and interactive 2-day retreat explores the impact of homophobia and racism on our lives and identities and looks at the different cultural, social, and religious factors that influence the behavior of gay and bisexual men of color. All graduates receive a $50 gift card. Seats are limited, so sign up now! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Long Island Gay PTSA Meeting Monday, Oct. 27th, 7-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Join the only chartered PTA of its kind in the nation, and help us advocate for GLBT students in order to create safer, more affirming schools. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Senior Focus Group Monday, Oct. 27th,1 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Come join our coed, peer-led, issuefocused discussion group. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Book Club Tuesday, Oct. 28th, 7 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Friday, Oct. 31st, 6 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor Join us for this month’s discussion as well as bringing your ideas for future books to share with the group. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

>> READ MORE AT LIVINGOUTLI.ORG

Alcoholics Anonymous Tuesdays, 8-9 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Closed group for all ages. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Brother2Brother 2nd & 4th Fridays, 7-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Social and discussion group for gay and bisexual men of color age 21+. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Drop-In HIV/STD Testing: Thursdays, 5-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Wednesdays, 5-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st Friday, 4-8 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor

LIPSA Tuesday Night Tease Bowling League Tuesdays, 7:30 p.m. Bowl Long Island, 138 West Rd., Patchogue Friendliest co-ed/mixed LGBT Bowling League. LIPSAbowling@optonline.net, 516.375.9473

LITE Social and Discussion Group 1st & 3rd Mondays, 7:30-9 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury Wednesdays, 7:30-9 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore 1st & 3rd Thursdays, 6:30-8 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor An open discussion group for transgender people and their friends and family. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Living PositHIVly 1st & 3rdThursdays, 7-8:30 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

Free and confidential testing for HIV, Syphilis, Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Drop in hours will be extended on Oct. 15th, 9am - 8pm, for National Latino A support group for GLBT people living AIDS Awareness Day. with HIV/AIDS. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Hampton Bays Mingle 2nd & 4th Thursdays, 3-5 p.m. Hampton Bays Senior Center, 25 Ponquogue Ave., Hampton Bays SAGE-LI’s bi-monthly social for GLBT seniors 50+ on the East End. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Monday Mingle Mondays, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore

Long Island GLBT Bereavement Group 2nd & 4th Mondays, 7-8 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury This group provides a safe and supportive environment for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one or friend while offering help and guidence with the grieving process. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

SAGE-LI Evening Mingle 3rd Wednesday, 7-9 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury If you workand/or have engagements during the day that limit you from attending the fabulous SAGE-LI daytime programming, this is the program for you. All are welcome! This month's Mingle is Game Night. Please bring your favorite board game and get ready for some friendly fun. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

SAGE-LI Women at Nassau (SWAN) Wednesdays, 7:30-8:45 p.m. Nassau: Center at Woodbury, 20 Crossways Park Dr. North, Suite 110, Woodbury

A social and discussion group for lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women as 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore well as women questioning their identity. Friday night social program for GLBT There will be no SWAN on Wednesday, youth and their friends ages 13-21. October 15th. Themes for this month include "Leggo www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011 My Eggo" (Oct. 17th), "Zombie Prom" (Oct. 24th) and "Halloween" (Oct. TRUE Calling 31st). $2 admission, transportation Tuesdays, 6-8 p.m. available. Nassau: Center at Woodbury www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300 20 Crossways Park Dr. North,

Parents Open House 2nd & 4th Tuesdays, 6-7 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor Open to parents & guardians og GLBT children. Come and see what programs our Center has to offer, meet the staff, take a tour, and we will answer any questions you may have. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

Parent Support Group 1st & 3rd Thursdays, 6-7 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Discussion group for parents of GLBT children. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

PEP Teams – Suffolk Thursdays, 6-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Interactive leadership program promoting sexual health for GLBT young people. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Safe Schools Team Wednesdays, 6-8 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore Youth leadership program for young people committed to creating safer schools on Long Island. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.665.2300

Sag Harbor Mingle 1st & 3rd Fridays, 3-5 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor The Hamptons GLBT Center is officially open and SAGE-LI is bringing a Mingle to Sag Harbor! Bring your friends and come meet new ones. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

Suite 110, Woodbury

LIGALY is offering a great opportunity for black and Latino gay and bisexual youth and their friends to show off their skills! Sing, act, dance, or perform. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 516.323.0011

Women 2 Women Tuesdays, 7:15-8:45 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore W2W is dedicated to providing a safe and supportive space for lesbians age 40+.

You Gotta Believe Mondays, 6-9 p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore The Long Island GLBT Community Center has partnered with You Gotta Believe, a non-profit organization that places teenagers into permanent adoptive homes, to provide Adoptive Parent Preparation Classes! If you are interested in participating, please call 631.665.2300. www.liglbtnetwork.org

Youth Group Tuesdays, 5-8 p.m. Fridays, 4-7 p.m. East End: The Hamptons GLBT Center, 44 Union St., Sag Harbor All East End youth should come check out this new hot GLBT spot. Every Tuesday is a fun interactive youth group: hang out with others in the lounge. You won’t want to miss it! www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

Youth Support Group 4th Thursday, 5-6p.m. Suffolk: Center at Bay Shore, 34 Park Ave., Bay Shore For all youth under 21 to come share their thoughts, problems and ups and downs in a confidential, safe space. www.liglbtnetwork.org, 631.899.4950

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be scene Networking mixer

Wednesday, September 17th, Hotel indigo, Riverhead, NY The Long Island GLBT network kicked off the fall season, and the start of their networking mixers, at hotel indigo in riverhead. over 60 long island professionals cultivated new relationships. the network gave away a partners in pride membership, an overnight stay to hotel indigo, a $100 Babettes gift certificate, gift certificate to ageFocus for a massage or facial and vip tickets to Engelbert humperdinck at nycb theatre in westbury.

L E ADERS

C LIENT S ERVICE

AND

V ALUE Practice Areas: Alternative Dispute Resolution

For over 50 years, Meyer Suozzi has earned a reputation for integrity, creativity and professionalism, and has set a standard of excellence in the practice of law.

Bankruptcy & Business Reorganization Corporate Finance Corporate Law Criminal Defense Education Law Including Bullying

We are more than attorneys; we are trusted counselors and advisors to our clients in the GLBT community.

Employment Law Including Discrimination and Harassment Claims ERISA and Employment Benefits Government Relations Labor Law Litigation Local Government, Land Use Law & Environmental Compliance Personal Injury Professional Responsibility Real Estate Tax Certiorari & Condemnation

990 Stewart Avenue I Garden City I New York I 11530 I 516-741-6565 ALBANY

GARDEN CITY

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NEW YORK CITY

WASHINGTON, D.C.

www.msek.com

Wills, Trusts & Same-Sex Estate Planning LIVING OUT

â&#x20AC;˘

Hotel Indigo_Living Out_halfpage_v2_NO BLEED.pdf

1/22/13

3:35 PM

At the newly designed Hotel Indigo you'll find a chic, contemporary setting for your wedding on Long Island's famous East End – alongside vineyards, beaches, the North Fork and the Hamptons. Our luxurious ballroom, outdoor spaces and poolscape provide a stunning venue. Let us help you craft the perfect menu and signature drinks for your special occasion. Our staff is at your disposal to arrange excursions for you and your guests to take full advantage of the East End.

Escape to Hotel Indigo anytime, for a casual evening out or to enjoy our exceptional amenities, including spa treatments, wine and spirits tours at award winning vineyards, shopping, beaches, nightlife, fine dining and weekly live entertainment.

CMY

1830 WEST MAIN STREET ROUTE 25 | RIVERHEAD, NY 11901 | T 631.369.2200 | INDIGOEASTEND.COM 22

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living healthy parenting

by Chris mcnamee

The year was 1992. The place: Bay Shore, New York. Our story begins as Linda Fisher, a divorced mother of a 12-year old son, and her partner, were discussing the lack of resources and support for gay parents on Long Island. Sure, the Lesbian and Gay Community Center in New York City had their group, Center Kids, and there were smaller groups in Brooklyn, Queens, and Westchester, but who wanted to drive all the way from Suffolk County for a big gay play date? What to do, what to do?! Start your own group, that’s what! The founding mothers put ads in the newsletters of several gay and lesbian owned businesses and community organizations. They received several responses and in June of 1992, held their first meeting.

In attendance were four lesbian couples with five children between them, plus a pair of gay daddies and their daughter. Back in 1992, most gay parents were raising children conceived within prior heterosexual marriages, or had formed their families through adoption or fostering. The “gay baby boom,” as it came to be known, was still a few years away. And so it was with the first five families that comprised the nascent Long Island Family Connections support network. Originally advertised as “a social and recreational group for gay and lesbian families,” members met one Sunday a month, usually for a BYO barbeque or house party. As the group got larger, outings to zoos, aquariums, museums, parks and the like became more common. Parents were thrilled to find others who were dealing with the

Former Family Connections members: (far left) Linda Fisher with wife Nancy & son Jay; (left, below) Fran DeBenedictis, Krista Jo Merget & daughter Martha; (left) Dr. Beverly Boyarski & son Jarrett; (center) Deanna Hendricks, Barbara Donato & their two children Jessica & Jason Hendricks-Donato; (below) Chris McNamee & daughter Taylor

same unique issues affecting gay families. While the children played, parents engaged in discussions on topics ranging from coming out to teachers, to legal challenges faced by gays trying to adopt as well as those whose homosexuality was being used against them in custody disputes, to how to answer oftasked questions such as “Why don’t I have a daddy?” or “Why do my friends only have one Mommy?” By August of that first year, membership had grown to nine families and included 18 children. Thanks to the Linda’s promotion of the group on local radio programs, continued print advertising and word of mouth, Long Island Family Connections would expand to include well over fifty families and scores of children. As the years went by and the

numbers grew, the dynamics of the group changed. Despite earnest efforts to attract more men, very few gay male couples attended Family Connection gatherings on a regular basis. Many of the newer lesbian couples that joined were raising biological children conceived using donor sperm, an option that became increasingly available to single women and lesbians as the gay rights movement succeeded in breaking down more and more barriers to gay parenthood. Topics of conversation began to include alternative ways of conceiving, whether to seek out donor siblings, how to include a partner’s name on a birth certificate, and secondparent adoptions. In 2008, interest in Family Connections had waned to the point where disbanding became inevitable. Although the demise of the group was met with much sadness, in reality, there was cause for celebration. It had outlived its usefulness far sooner than anyone had dared to dream. Today’s gay parents are not routinely ostracized in their neighborhoods, their children teased or shunned. Adoption by gays and lesbians is legal almost everywhere. Gay men have easy access to reproductive choices that allow them to become biological parents in ways that were unheard of less than a generation ago, and gay women having babies is not even gossipworthy anymore. Social changes mean that diversity is a part of the curriculum at nearly every school, and greeting cards congratulating gay couples on their marriages can be found at any Hallmark store. Just imagine what changes the next 22 years could bring. Maybe we won’t even need the word “gay” anymore, and gay parents will just be parents, just as gay marriage will just be marriage.

about the author: Chris mcnamee has a b.S. in Family Services/Child Studies, a M.A. in Intersex Conditions and Gender Identity Disorders in Children and Adolescents and is the Former owner/operator of Kid ‘n Kaboodle Child Care as well as the Former Coordinator for Long Island Family Connections, Gay Parents Support Network.

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living healthy

wellness

by jennifer nyx

Are We in a Serious Deadly Relationship with our Food? Why is it that foods on the shelves at the supermarket are made to be so attractive but yet can be so harmful? It is just the same as an unhealthy relationship with another person. We have all been through those unhealthy relationships. First they seem to be just fine, they are attractive, fun to be around, but after a while they wreak havoc on who you are, your well being, they drive you absolutely insane and make you feel unhealthy, yet you are still attracted to that person. Sounds just like the same relationship with the food that you find on your shelves at your local supermarket. How could this be detrimental to your health you think to yourself? There are commercials talking about this product, how could it be unhealthy, everybody eats this stuff! These types of foods are in our vending machines, at schools, in businesses, at hospitals, how could they ever be unhealthy? They are even promoted during the Super Bowl with million dollar ads. It’s time to wake up Long Island! Have you ever thought about the food that you are consuming on a daily basis and have really broken it down?

First Rule: Read the ingredients, if you do not know how to say it, read it or know what it means, why the heck would you eat it?

We live in a fast paced, fast food world. Every event that we attend caters to unhealthy food. Every where we turn there are unhealthy choices! Offices, school functions, sporting events, street vendors, fast food

Carbonated Drinks

Refined Sugars

CRAP may be taste good, even considered to be delicious; they are manufactured for you to crave them! Where is it even safe to eat delicious, nutritious, healthy foods? It starts

Fruits and Vegetables

Organic Lean Protein

places, restaurants, cafés, coffee shops, movie theaters, birthday parties, and parties in general! Everywhere we turn, every event that we go to is supplied with CRAP!

Artificial

Sweeteners/Colors

Processed Foods

with you! Aren’t you worth being healthy? The key is that you have to make that choice to be healthy! So, stop eating CRAP and starting eating real FOOD!

Omega Fatty Acids

Drink water

Second Rule: Think about how this food makes you feel. Do you typically feel elated when eating it, and then afterwards feel guilty for having it. Does it give you a headache, does it hurt your stomach, or do you feel bloated. Think about it, why would you eat it?

Third Rule: Is this a good choice because it is something you can just grab on the go and you do not have time for a healthier choice? Think about that now…aren’t you worth the time to prepare something to eat to have a healthier choice? Maybe pack something before going to work, at least give your body an option for a healthier snack.

Let’s face it, you are still going to eat some CRAP, it is inevitable in some ways. You show up to a friend’s house and they are serving CRAP in addition to some real FOOD. Imagine what your life would look like if you implemented real FOOD on a daily basis regularly. You will be more likely to feel healthier, lighter, more clear minded, more energetic, less stressed, thinner, and maybe even sexier! That is quite a bonus!

The food choices we make on a daily basis contribute to our long term health. That is a fact. Why do we wait until we get sick to attempt to be healthy? Doesn’t it make more sense to invest in being healthy now, instead of investing in ourselves when we are sick? It is amazing to what great lengths we will go to when we find out we are sick! All of a sudden, our world stops, and we will try and do anything to reverse time. The time is now! Aren’t you worth being healthy?

About the author: Jennifer Nyx is a Holistic Health Coach and Personal Trainer dedicated to support her clients with their health goals and empower them to make lasting changes in their behavior and lifestyle.

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living smart Travel

by Manny velásquez-paredes

Fall Back to Summer Feel like summer was too short? Extend it a little bit! What better way to begin the fall than with a stress-free vacation and much needed R&R in some great LGBT family friendly places. These three indoor water parks and outdoor theme parks are sure to give you that summer feel you crave anytime of the year. Great Wolf Lodge in the Pocono Mountains, PA Great Wolf Lodge is a massive 79,000 square feet indoor water park with slides and pools for adults and zero-depth entry areas for the little ones. Pups of all ages will surely find their inner wolf and create unforgettable memories and adventures. Get away from the howling cold, because this indoor water park’s temperature is always set at a wonderful 84 degrees. It is only open to lodge guests allowing for a fun and safe environment. Visitors can get splashed in the water park and smashed at the two bars; one inside the water park and another one in the restaurant. Check-in time is 4pm, but early arrivals can enjoy the water park until the room is ready, so pack the bathing suits in the carry on. Wristbands are used as keys, as IDs for guests, and can also be used as methods of payment throughout the lodge. Accommodations include a private patio or private balcony. Bed guard rails are not available; however, cribs can be requested for the little ones. The kids will love the décor of the theme suites, which can easily accommodate up to 7 people. The premium suites can accommodate up to 8 people (some even feature fireplaces), and most have private balconies, these are perfect for teens or multi-families.

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Breakfast, lunch and dinner time are always fun. I recommend purchasing the breakfast buffet during the booking process. Have your cameras ready as you may be delightfully surprised by encounters with Great Wolf’s mascots Violet, Oliver or Wiley. The mascots often visit tables for photo ops and to greet the kids, as well as pose throughout the lodge.

Story time, which is repeated three times throughout the day, is a great way to keep the little ones entertained. There are plenty of activities to keep everyone occupied at all times; everything from gym, spa, arcade, miniature golf, bowling alley, and even scavenger games throughout the lodge, such as MagiQuest® and ShadowQuest™. The newest adventure is Howlers Peak Ropes Course™, which is the perfect way to explore your adventurous and daring side, while climbing through obstacles, balancing on ropes and crossing bridges. Even the little wolf pups can get in on the action in their very own course to explore designed just for them. Six Flags Great Escape Lodge and Indoor Water Park in Lake George, NY A recent visit to the Lake George area led us to discover this great escape from the cold. Six Flags Great Escape is always 80 degrees and host to over 38,000 square feet of water rides, pools and slides. From white-water rafting, indoor surfing, to a tree house full of slides and over 160 interactive water games. The little ones will love the swivel water rifles, hydro blasters, arch jets, and my kids’ favorites the pull-cords that splash showers. The 18 and over crowd can relax and hangout in the hot tubs. Guests of the lodge can access the water park and daily passes can be purchased by those who are staying elsewhere.

The Lodge has 200 rooms, where each can accommodate from 4 to 12 guests, extra guests can be accommodated for an extra fee per person. The traditional and deluxe suites can accommodate up to 6 people. The Klub Moose is an Adirondacks themed cabin and it is the perfect place for the little ones to explore and expand their imagination, while resting in their very own cabin. For larger groups, you should look into the 3 or 4 bunk bed suites. Check-in is 4 pm, early arrivals can take advantage of the spa, the arcade or the different dining options, which includes Johnny Rockets. The younger ones can make crafts in the kids’ camp, have cookies with Spruce the Moose, Sundaes with Scrappy, and even be tucked in by Scooby Doo. Kids from 5-12 can learn all about becoming a lifeguard and even get a novelty certificate. Whiteface Lodge in Lake Placid, NY What a better to enjoy the majestic colors of fall than by experiencing them first hand in one of the most colorful places. Lake Placid, in the Adirondacks, welcomes travelers from all over the world to experience the unforgettable foliage. This cozy alpine resort town has been the host city to the Winter Olympics in the 1930s and once again in the 1980s. Whiteface Lodge, is an award

winning lodge, completed in June 2005, and was the vision of a former Olympian. The lodge features many wood creations, and much of the timber was hand-milled on-site, and accents such as handcrafted Adirondack furnishings and beautiful antlers chandeliers adorn the interior spaces, creating a wonderfully elegant, luxurious and cabin-like authentic ambiance. Each suite is designed to conjure the essence of the Adirondack Great Camp tradition. Each of the Lodge’s 94 guest suites welcome guests with handcrafted furnishings, forged accents, many of which are created in house, and (in most suites) cast-iron fireplaces lend warmth and authenticity to the living spaces. Fully complemented kitchen, radiant-floor heat, jetted tubs, pillow-top beds, flat-screen LCD TVs, and a sitting patio or balcony can also be found in guest rooms. Full access to all of the resort amenities, from platform tennis, to ice skating, indoor pools and hot tubs, to Kamp Kanu for the kiddies and nightly s’mores are all part of the daily activities and complimentary. Whiteface Lodge is a nonsmoking, pet-free property. The Premier Lake Placid NY Spa is located in Whiteface Lodge and it’s ranked among the Top 100 Spas in North America by Condé Nast Traveler. The 5,800-squarefoot spa blends the rustic beauty of its setting with an extremely relaxing and serene ambiance, featuring saunas and steam rooms. The Spa is the perfect way to unwind and truly enjoy your vacation, while the kids are in Kamp Kanu enjoying an afternoon of ice skating. This is a perfect spot for lovers and families.

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living smart

halloween

Carve the Perfect Pumpkin Halloween is right around the corner which means it is time for the best part of fall, carving pumpkins! Follow these simple step-by-step instructions and you’ll be sure to carve the perfect pumpkin every time.

Choosing a Pumpkin:

Carving Your Pumpkin:

Visit your local supermarket, farmers’ market or pumpkin patch.

Use a serrated knife or a purposemade serrated knife taken from a pumpkin-carving set. When carving, draw the knife back and forth as if you’re sawing through a tree trunk.

When you’re choosing a pumpkin, try to pick one that’s free of nicks, bruises and cuts. Look for a sturdy stem and for mostly consistent color all the way around. Knock on the skin; if you hear a hollow sound, the pumpkin is ripe.

Lay down newspaper or a brown sack from your grocery store on a flat surface for an easy cleanup when done. Lay out your tools, as well as a bowl for discarded pumpkin innards.

Most pumpkins will be rotten beyond recovery after a week and a half to two weeks. With this in mind, buy your pumpkin about a week or less before Halloween.

Developing a Design: Choose a method for carving your pumpkin. Here are a few popular carving options:

Carve a traditional jack-o’-lantern: Plan on cutting out eyes, a mouth, and perhaps a nose. This design is easiest for beginners. Carve a silhouette: Pick a shape – for instance, a ghost – and carve out the “negative space” around the ghost’s shape, then carve out features like eyes or a mouth. You’ll end up with a circle of light around the dark shape, with lighted details. Carve down to the pith: For a daytime jack-o’lantern that you don’t intend to light, use an x-acto knife to scratch away the pumpkin’s skin and reveal the pith. Don’t carve all the way into the gourd.

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Cut a lid around the stem. Angle the point of the knife in towards the center of the circle so the lid will sit in a bowlshaped indentation that prevents it from falling in. Additionally, carve a small notch somewhere in the circle; this will tell you exactly where the lid fits back in. After you’ve removed the lid from the pumpkin, cut a slice off the underside to remove excess filling and flatten the bottom.

Lighting Your Pumpkin:

Choose a light source if you’ve carved an open pumpkin. Traditionally, jacko’-lanterns were lit with candlesticks or tea lights, but flickering LEDs are popular modern options. Make your decision based on potential safety concerns. If you do chose to use a real candle, make sure your carving will provide the flame with enough oxygen to keep burning. If you’ve cut several large holes in your pumpkin, you should be fine. If not, consider cutting a small vent in the lid – or remove the lid entirely. Choose a safe display area if you’re using a candle in your pumpkin. Place it in an area away from flammable items such as hay bales or scarecrows. Additionally, take care that the candle’s flame won’t catch a trick-or-treaters’ dangling costume.

If you’re using a candle to light your pumpkin Use a large spoon or your hands to pull all of and are the filling and seeds from the inside of your placing pumpkin. Scrape it as clean as you can, so that it on more light can shine though your jack-o’-lantern. anything Start cutting your design using a gentle back and wooden, place a 8”forth motion to cut into the pumpkin, and take your time. Discard cut-out pieces as you remove 10” dinner plate down them. Keep following your pattern until you’ve first, to carved out the entire design. catch wax and avoid setting wooden Drafting Your Design: porches or stairs on fire. Use a dry-erase marker to outline your design on the pumpkin. If you’re decorating pumpkins with children, letting them draw the designs can be a fun way to include them and avoid handling sharp objects.

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living smart

recipes

Fall Favorites

Caramel Apple Pork Chops

Fragrant Autumn Soup

Ingredients:

• • •

4 (3/4 inch thick) pork chops 1 teaspooon vegetable oil 2 tablespoons brown sugar

• • • • •

1/8 teaspoon cinnamon 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg 2 tablespoons butter 2 tart apples, peeled, cored and sliced Salt and pepper to taste

Directions: 1.

Preheat oven to 175°. Place a medium dish in the oven to warm.

Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Brush chops lightly with oil and place in hot pan. Cook for 5 to 6 minutes, turning occasionally, or until done. Transfer to the warm dish and keep warm in the preheated oven.

In a small bowl, combine brown sugar, salt and pepper, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add butter to skillet and stir in brown sugar mixture and apples. Cover and cook until apples are just tender. Remove apples with a slotted spoon and arrange on top of the chops. Keep warm in the preheated oven. Continue cooking suace uncovered in skillet, until thickened slightly. Spoon sauce over apples and chops.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts •

1 1/2 pounds Brussels Sprouts, ends trimmed and yellow leaves removed 3 tablespoons olive oil

• •

1 teaspoon kosher salt 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Directions: 1.

Preheat oven to 400°.

Place trimmed Brussels sprouts, olive oil, kosher salt, and pepper in a large resealable plastic bag and shake to coat. Pour onto baking sheet and place on center rack in the oven.

Roast for 30 to 45 minutes, shaking the pan every 5 to 7 minutes for even browning. Reduce heat when necessary to prevent burning. Brussels sprouts should be darkest brown, almost black, when done. Adjust seasonings if necessary. Serve immediately.

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Directions: 1.

Cook ground beef or turkey in large saucepan over medium-high heat until browned. Remove from pan and set aside, drain fat drippings. Heat oil over medium-high heat until hot. Add onions and garlic; cook and stir 3 to 4 minutes or until onions are tender. Stir in bay leaves, paprika, pepper and cinnamon.

Mix in potatoes, undrained tomatoes, tomato paste and broth; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 15 to 20 minutes or until potatoes are tender, stirring occasionally. Stir in meat and beans; increase heat to medium and simmer 5 minutes. Sprinkle with basil before serving.

Pumpkin Chip Cookies Ingredients:

Ingredients: •

2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 2 cups chopped yellow onion 1 tablespoon minced garlic 2 bay leaves 2 teaspoons paprika 1 teaspoon ground black pepper

1//8 teaspoon cinnamon 4 Idaho potatoes, chopped 1 (14.5 oz.) can diced tomatoes 1 (6 oz.) can tomato paste 4 cups vegetable broth 1 (19 oz.) can Cannellini beans 2 tablespoons fresh basil, thinly sliced 1/2 pound ground beef or turkey

• • • • •

2 cups white sugar 1 (15 oz.) can pumpkin puree 1 cup vegetable oil 2 eggs 2 tablespoons milk

• • • • • •

2 teaspoons vanilla extract 4 cups all-purpose flour 4 teaspoons baking powder 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions: 1.

Preheat oven to 375° and grease two baking sheets.

Whisk sugar, pumpkin, vegetable oil, eggs, milk, and vanilla together in a large bowl until smooth. Stir flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt together in a bowl. Gradually fold flour mixture into pumpkin mixture. Mix in chocolate chips.

Drop spoonfuls of the dough 2 inches apart onto prepared baking sheets. Bake in the preheated oven until golden brown, approx. 10 minutes.

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living smart

what’s the t?

by Alexis Capitini

The Iphone Debate: 6 vs. 6 Plus In September, two new iPhones were announced by Apple, the Capacity: iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus. 16 GB - $199 Apple devotees have been given the tough decision of choosing their 64 GB - $299 next phones. We compared the two 128 GB - $399 models side-by-side to see how they stack up. height - 5.44 in.

width - 2.64 in. depth - .27 in.

Capacity: 16 GB - $299 64 GB - $399

128 GB - $499

iPhone 6

weight - 4.55 oz Display: 4.7 in. LED-backlit widescreen Multitouch display with ips technology 1334-by-750-pixel resolution at 326 ppi Chips: a8 chip with 64-bit architecture m8 motion coprocessor Apple pay: pay with your iphone using touch id in stores and in apps

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THE WINNER: iPhone 6! The iPhone 6 delivers a bigger screen while remaining easy to handle with plenty of features to satisfy everyone.

height - 6.22 in. width - 3.06 in. depth - .28 in. weight - 6.07 oz.

Vs iPhone 6 Plus

Display: 5.5 in. LED-backlit widescreen Multitouch display with ips technology 1920-by-1080-pixel resolution at 401 ppi Chips: a8 chip with 64-bit architecture m8 motion coprocessor Apple pay: pay with your iphone using touch id in stores and in apps

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Quality Healthcare Services for Individuals with Special Needs and the Community at Large

Audiology *Dental *Dermatology *Endocrinology *Gynecology *Neurology Occupational Therapy *Optometry *Rehabilitative Medicine *Physical Therapy Podiatry *Primary Care *Psychiatry *Psychotherapy *Speech Therapy

Comprehensive and Caring Medical Services Lunchtime, Evening & Weekend Hours Medicare, Medicaid, and Some Major Health Insurance Plans Accepted Sliding Scale Available for those Eligible Most Credit Cards Accepted

Family Wellness Center

120 Plant Avenue  Hauppauge, NY 11788 Appointments: (631) 851-3810 www.familyres.org  fwcinfo@familyres.org

You are not alone, you are…FREE To Be FREE To Be is a community of men and women dedicated to socialization, advocacy, and education. We are a support network that provides a safe environment to grow together.

“Disability Is A Matter Of Perception. If You Can Do Just One Thing Well, You Are Needed By Someone” -Martina Navratilova

Socialization/Group Meetings FREE To Be provides an engaging space for GLBTQ individuals and friends, and we encourage all who are interested to come and join us. Meetings Include Inspirational guest speakers, workshops, open discussions, social events, and community involvement. Next Meeting Date: October 28, 2014 Time: 4:30pm to 6:00pm Location: FREE, 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 To learn more about FREE TO BE or to become a member, please contact us at freetobe@familyres.org Family Residences and Essential Enterprises, Inc. 191 Bethpage-Sweet Hollow Road l Old Bethpage, New York 11804 www.familyres.org l 516-870-1637

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living smart

finance

Getting off the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle Do you have a serious moment once or twice a month, waiting to see if your money will last until you get paid again? If so, you’ve probably looked for ways to avoid this stress. While you may feel like you’ve exhausted all options, there are certain steps you may have overlooked to give yourself some breathing room.

Get Cookin’

Mind the Mindless

Sacrifice Seasonally

An often ignored tip is that not only do the savings come from the cost of the food, but also in the entertainment category. Turning the process of preparing a meal into a fun activity for family or friends can be just as pleasurable as a night out at the movies or concert.

You pick up that magazine in the checkout aisle, you grab that coffee on the way to work and you instinctively choose the name brand wheat bread at the grocery store. While they may seem like harmless expenditures, these unexamined spending choices can really cost you over the course of a month.

If you’re like most people, there is a time of year when you end up spending more time outside the home engaging in favorite activities. Identify which season you spend the least time on the couch and eliminate your cable package during this time. You may even find that you don’t need to go back to it.

Check Your Tax Withholdings

Earn Seasonally

Do you get a big refund every year after completing your taxes? If so, you are loaning the government money that could potentially serve as your financial cushion. Talk with your human resources person and/or your tax pro to devise a plan to get more money in each paycheck and less in your return.

Having an extra job year-round might not sound appealing, but there are jobs you can pick up for a limited engagement that could help you sock away a little extra cash. Wrapping packages around the holidays or greeting visitors at a tourist attraction could bring a high reward-tocommitment ratio.

Avoid Late Fees Most financial institutions now offer free online banking and mobile account alerts. By staying in touch with your accounts, you give yourself a greater chance of avoiding the downward spiral that can begin with insufficient funds fees. 30

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Save Your Raises Don’t use a raise or a bonus at work as a reason to spend more. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to save and get yourself off the hamster wheel of money worries.

The More, the (Money) Merrier Splitting rent or mortgage payments with a family member or few “good” friends may not have been your original plan, but in doing so can really help you get a leg up on your savings.

Death to Debt

If you’re just continuing to make minimum payments on your debt, you’re never going to get to strong financial footing. Look for ways to aggressively slash away at your debt and free up money for savings.

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GET MORE SO YOU

CAN DO MORE

The Best Home Equity Line of Credit on Long Island Sometimes expenses add up faster than you had planned. A Bethpage Home Equity Line of Credit gives you access to the money you need, right now. HOME EQUITY LINE OF CREDIT

2.24

Fixed for 2 years Prime for life, thereafter

APR*

• No closing costs • Lines up to $500,000 • Low initial draw

For more information, or to apply today, contact Kyle Caravousanos at 516-349-6870 or kcaravousanos@bethpagefcu.com *APR = Annual Percentage Rate. For two years, Prime for life, thereafter. Rates and terms accurate as of 06/01/14 and are subject to change without notice. All offers of credit are subject to credit approval; applicants may be offered credit at higher rates and other terms. Loan-to-value restrictions may apply. Hazard insurance is required on all loans secured by real property; Flood insurance may also be required. No closing costs on new HELOCs up to $500,000. Closing costs paid by Bethpage must be repaid by the borrower(s) if line is closed within first 36 months. HELOC is a variable rate product with a maximum APR of 18%. The introductory rate is 2.24% APR for 2 years for members who take an initial draw of $25,000, maintain this balance for one (1) year, and have automatic transfers from any Bethpage account for the monthly payment on the account. New HELOCs only. Prime rate as of 06/01/14 = 3.25%. Home Equities not offered in TX. $5.00 minimum share account required. Membership conditions may apply.

lovebethpage.com | 800-628-7070

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living smart

fall fashion

5 Cute Coats Under $100

Moto Jacket: Faux Leather & Chiffon Moto Jacket Forever 21, $24.80

Fall is here which means colder weather, pumpkin spice lattes and the return of cute jackets. These five coats are sure to keep you warm this fall without breaking your bank.

Baseball Jacket: Baseball Jacket in Wool Blend H&M, $59.95

Army Green Anorak: Lined Parka H&M, $79.95

Belted Tweed: Celebrity Pink Skirted Double Breasted Coat, Nordstrom, $88

Collared Pea Coat: Thread & Supply Double Breasted Pea Coat Nordstrom, $58

Exciting Career Opportunities! Grow at The Network and make a difference in the lives of GLBT Long Islanders Open Positions

HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program Leader (P/T)

HIV/STD Bar and Club Outreach Leader (P/T)

Van Driver (P/T)

Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is seeking a part-time HIV/STD Outreach and Testing Program Leader for an average of 10-12 hours per week. Will conduct a variety of activities to promote getting tested for HIV and STDs and educating gay and bisexual men about how to reduce risky sexual behaviors. Will provide HIV/STD testing, deliver counseling, testing and referral services, distribute safer sex materials, conduct outreach in bars, clubs, commercial sex venues, community events and other locations and engage young people for HIV/STD prevention programming. Preferred qualifications include someone with HIV Counseling, Testing and Referral (CTR) experience or a willingness to be trained; willing to work flexible hours; outgoing personality; active NYS Driver’s License; reliable transportation. Preferences: bilingual English/ Spanish, phlebotomy training, H.S. degree or GED.

Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is seeking a part-time HIV/STD Bar and Club Outreach Leader for an average of 10-12 hours per week. Bar and Club Outreach Leaders work to conduct a variety of activities to promote getting tested for HIV and STDs and educating gay and bisexual men about how to reduce risky sexual behaviors. Will provide HIV/STD testing, deliver counseling, testing and referral services (CTR), promote HIV/STD testing and distribute safer sex materials, conduct outreach in bars, clubs, commercial sex venues, community events and other locations and engage young people for HIV/STD prevention programming. Preferred qualifications include someone with HIV Counseling, Testing and Referral (CTR) experience or a willingness to be trained; willing to work flexible hours; outgoing personality; active NYS Driver’s License; reliable transportation. Preferences: bilingual English/ Spanish, phlebotomy training, H.S. degree or GED.

Long Island Gay and Lesbian Youth, Inc. (LIGALY) is currently seeking a van driver to pick up and drop off youth from both Suffolk and Nassau counties for its programs. The driver assures safe and reliable transportation to and from LIGALY programs for youth. Must have a clean and valid New York State-issued driver’s license; basic automotive maintenance skills; an ability to exercise good judgment; flexible availability afternoon/evenings and a commitment to the GLBT youth community. Preferred additional qualifications include having a GPS to help navigate Nassau and Suffolk and/or a knowledge of MapQuest/ Google maps; experience working with youth, particularly from at-risk populations and knowledge of first-aid/CPR.

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Apply Online at: liglbtnetwork.org/careers

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points of view op-ed

You either loved Joan Rivers or you hated her. Her stand-up red carpet catcalls, and colorful over-the-top humor – insult comedy, shock humor, ribaldry, just to name a few of her hallmark styles – was as lethal as she was legend. For example, in commenting on a 2013 celebrity event about the German model Heidi Klum, Rivers – unfiltered and uninhibited – stated the following: “The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens.” Yes, you read that correctly. “When some groups complained the comment was anti-Semitic, she retorted that the only people who had a right to complain were Nazis,” the New York Times reported. Only someone with a good heart can be as beloved as River’s was while managing to include everyone as a target of her style. “Rivers not only used the word “tranny,” which many transgender people find offensive, but she used it (in 2014) to describe Michelle Obama, and then doubled down, defending herself with her usual gusto and attacking political correctness itself. Some in the LGBT community grumbled, but many more resonated with her brash feminine bravado,” Jay Michaelson wrote in “The Very Jewish Reasons Why Gay Men Loved Joan Rivers.”

Sadly, Rivers’ shtick came to an unexpected end on September 4th when going in for a procedure on her vocal cords and went into cardiac arrest at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. The LGBT community took River’s death hard, especially coming on the heels of Robin Williams’. Her style of humor and feminism made her an icon. River’s time, energy, contribution, action and love for the LGBTQ community made her a hero. The self-proclaimed “Queen of the Gays” thanked us every chance she got. “My gay fans have been wonderful from day one,” Rivers told The Advocate just this past May. “I remember when I was working at the Duplex in Greenwich Village in New York at the beginning of my career and the only ones who would laugh at my jokes were the gay guys. I think if I had started out in straight clubs and bars I never would’ve gotten anywhere.” Her embrace of us goes back decades. In the 1990’s Rivers used her talk show “The Joan Rivers Show,” as a vehicle to promote both unabashedly and unapologetically LGBTQ visibility in the arts. In the fight to legalize marriage equality in New York State, Rivers offered her celebrity endorsement stating, “All New Yorkers believe in fairness, that’s why we should support marriage equality. For goodness sakes, come on guys.” And when New York State legalized

“All New Yorkers believe in fairness, that’s why we should support marriage equality. For goodness sakes.” - Joan Rivers same-sex nuptials, Rivers, as an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church, officiated a gay couples wedding atop the Empire State Building in 2013.

1959 play Driftwood in New York, Rivers excitedly offered to play the role – that was originally cast for a male-only if the characters she and Streisand played were made lesbians.

“The first play I did was in Greenwich Village in the early ’60s. Barbra Streisand and I played lovers and we kissed,” Rivers recalled in 2010. “This was before she was singing, before anything. I knew she was talented, but you never know what someone will be. She was a fabulous kisser, that’s what I knew.”

And when CNN’s Anderson Cooper finally came out of his glass closet Rivers was applauded his courage. “I am thrilled that Anderson Cooper finally came out, because this explains why he never tried to date me. I saw him as the perfect package,” Rivers told Huffington Post. “I would have loved Gloria Vanderbilt as a mother-in-law. This explains everything.”

Rivers influenced a younger community of female comedians, like Kathy Griffin, Sarah Silverman, Roseanne Barr, and Whoopi Goldberg, to name a few. She feminized comedy by not donning frumpy attire like her predecessors Phyllis Diller or Moms Mabley. She always dressed glamorously. Also, Rivers brought controversial women’s issues of each decade to the forefront making audiences think as much as laugh.

In the third season of their reality show Joan and Melissa: Joan Knows Best? the septuagenarian Rivers explored her bi-curiosity when she disclosed she kissed a woman romantically for the first time.

“Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card,” Rivers told Time Magazine.

“Lily Tomlin, who is my very good friend, she and Jane Lynch had a dinner party, and I met this lovely woman,” Joan explained. “At this point, all the men I go out with remind me of my father – dead. I figured I might as well try it at this point. Maybe I’ve been missing something.”

Rivers was a loud, brash, irreverent Phi Beta Kappa Barnard College grad who mastered her comedic craft well. This 81-year-old nipped and tucked caustic comedian was a cause célèbre that will be greatly missed by many. Rest In Peace.

But this isn’t Rivers first time kissing a woman. Playing opposite the then unknown Barbra Streisand in the

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points of view trans-missions

by gwendolyn Ann smith

What’s in a ‘nym? While not the first and certainly not the only one, Facebook has become a giant in the era of social networking. In only ten years since its founding, the website now boasts 7.87 billion in revenue for the last year, and 1.28 billion monthly active users. Facebook has not been without controversy. From its creation – dramatized in the film The Social Network – to today, the site has had its critics and contention. In recent years the site has courted controversy over privacy issues and recent revelations over deliberate manipulation of user’s feeds to elicit emotional reactions. In Berlin in 2011, Douglas Rushkoff said, “We are not the customers of Facebook, we are the product. Facebook is selling us to advertisers.” With that in mind, everything you write on Facebook, every photo you post, every “like” you click is data for Facebook’s advertisers. If there is one thing they need, therefore, it is clear and accurate data. Every so often, Facebook has sought to purge its site of false accounts with claims of clearing out “’bots” and cyberbullies. Yet while they do such, they end up also culling their site from real people who follow their rules – but opt to use a name different from that on their birth certificate, drivers’ license, or other “official” identification. In the last month, Facebook has been even more draconian in enforcing this policy towards “real” names than in the past. Its most recent campaign has ended up netting a number of transgender individuals and drag queens, as well as others who may use a pseudonym for gaming, for personal safety, or any number of other reasons. One particular case has hit the media more than others. First is that of Sister Roma (above), a well-known member of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence in San Francisco. She was locked out of her account until she 34

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provided her “legal name, like the one that appears on your driver’s license or credit card.” She did give in and provided her legal name, because the connections she had their outweighed the need to protect her name. Even then, postings she has put up that are critical of the policy have been pulled from Facebook, declared to be abusive or “spam.” Sister Roma’s experience is not an outlier, with many others being forced from the site as Facebook claims they are keeping their community somehow “safe” by doing this.

“The ability to adopt this identity was pivotal in allowing me to understand my own space as a transgender woman, and helped me prepare for facing the world at large.”

Over this last year there have been plenty of painful arguments between the drag and transgender communities, but I think we have ample room to agree here. We should all feel welcome to present ourselves as we choose to, and not be forced into an identity that is not ours. There are a number of reasons to opt for a pseudonym. You may need to separate yourself from a birth name to avoid stalkers and others who may seek to do you harm. You might

have such to protect your “regular” identity from employers or others, using a pseudonym to be in contact with the transgender or larger queer community. You may also use it as a form of exploration, opting for a name different from the gender you were assigned at birth in order to consider your gender identity. While I have been using the name above for longer than Facebook existed, I recall how important it was to be able to start to claim that name in virtual spaces before I was ready and willing to do the same in my day-to-day life. The ability to adopt this identity was pivotal in allowing me to understand my own space as a transgender woman, and helped me prepare for facing the world at large. Mine is not a “stage name,” but as much a part of my identity as any one else’s preferred name. It may not have always been there, but it is what adorns my driver’s license and plenty of other official paperwork. Really, so what if it was a “stage name?”

If I go to Facebook looking for the official, verified page for Whoppi Goldberg, I need only type facebook. com/whoppigoldberg. No one seems to be demanding her page be closed down because it does not read Caryn Johnson. Former wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan is not forced to be Terry Jean Bollette. No one is telling Portia De Rossi to present her birth certificate, which declares her to be Amanda Lee Rogers. Each of these celebrities, and many more, has no issue with their preferred name on Facebook.

Sister Roma and others may not be the same sort of household names as Whoppi Goldberg, or Hulk Hogan, even though she is much more likely to be mentioned in my household. Nevertheless, her name is as seemingly valid as any of these celebrities. Some have accused Facebook of being homophobic or transphobic by targeting Sister Roma and others. Many have also postulated that a third party has targeted queer and transgender people, turning Facebook’s policies against the LGBT community. I don’t know if this is true, or if Facebook was just doing a random sweep of names. I have heard about people both in and outside the trans and drag communities being targeted, so this could simply be Facebook being Facebook, and nothing specifically aiming at our community. Whether intentional or not, however, we are being hurt by this. Much like Google+ – which recently dropped its “wallet name” policy – I join with others in calling for Facebook to

change. I may only be a data point to them, but perhaps if enough of their data points speak out, their real customers will take notice – and perhaps change may happen. Gwen Smith does not wish to be called late for dinner. You’ll find her at www.gwensmith.com

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